#reading through this one i got to the part where i previously got stuck

[simpjaes]

renaissance man (p. js)

Taking note of the strangers you see day to day isn’t something you’d normally do. The only reason today is different is because the guy who made small talk as he rang you up for your intimate items was the same guy who showed up catering for your family reunion.  or the one where jay is a dildo salesman, a caterer, a self-titled mechanic, and also your ride home. he is not an expert in any of his jobs, but he sure is an expert in wit and well, other things.

minors dni!! | pls reblog to show your support!

WORDCOUNT― 14.6k

PAIRING― park jongseong x afab reader 

CONTENT― fluffy comfort smut, strangers to lovers like immediately, you buy a monster sized dildo, blatant talking of masturbation and toys, smut, cliche blooming an attachment to someone after (1) fuckening. 

!!ATTENTION!!― read this before? that’s because I run two blogs and like to re-vamp fics i’ve previously written for other groups! [@/ncteez is likely where you’ve read it from. THAT IS ME!!!] 

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― it’s kind of fluffy im so sorry i just have feelings for him, average cock size jay!!!![i am not of this belief, i think his cock is fat and huge], he is very much a service top, making out, hand holding, caressing, grinding, finger fucking, titty worship,  unprotected sex, sweet talking as a form of dirty talk, missionary bc i refuse to pretend he wouldn’t want that, back scratches (sexual)

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Never have you been put in the position to make small talk about the sex toys you place on a counter to purchase. Then again, you guess it’s part of the job description that most people ignore or aren’t privy to actually doing. 

Never have you been informed of the wide variety of lubricants, additional toy-cleaners, or the bigger and smaller alternatives to your chosen toy. You don’t show discomfort though, because it’s not uncomfortable. Sex is normal, masturbation is more normal, and the man in front of you appears to be normal too.

“There’s twelve different color variants if you prefer something less fleshy.” The man says, standing at the counter with some sort of a permanent pout on his lips. 

“I’m fine, if you could just ring me up now I can get out of your hair.” You respond, glancing at the time on your phone and wondering how you got stuck with the only employee who actually does his job here.

“Are you sure you don’t want any lubricant?” The man adds, gazing at the size of your toy and then looking you up and down as if you clearly wouldn’t be able to handle your chosen toy without help.

The man with no name tag appears to be blissfully unaware of his invasiveness with that question as you tilt your head with a raised brow. Shocked at the very question, it’s actually quite laughable that he’s so monotone with the offensive comment. You imagine he’s done this for so long that he must be a manager trying to get the day over with, going through the steps in a bored mood with little to no regard as to how he must sound to strangers buying their first or twentieth dildo. 

With your assumption that he doesn’t exactly care about the level of wet your vagina is when you use this toy, you respond. “I think I know my body well enough and I already have lube, but thanks.”

He nods, not even sparing you much of a glance before giving you a total and bagging your item.

Now, despite Jay’s lack of interest toward the purchase of toys, he finds it comical that he’s grown numb to the very fact that he knows what everyone in this town’s kinks are after they step out of the shop’s door. Someone’s gotta do this job and keep those secrets…he likes to think he fits the bill perfectly. 

Lively as he may be outside of this shop, each job comes with a personality and this one calls for one of disinterest in your product but interest in the sale. He’s not one to lie to himself though, many times a pretty girl has marched in and bought toys far bigger than any man and he does tend to let his mind wander about it from time to time. When he first started this job, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, he found it hard to navigate a single sale without a flush of tints crossing his cheeks and ears. Now, he’s become a veteran at keeping his dick locked in place if he were to feel some type of way about a purchase and the one purchasing. 

Shy as he was when he started, it’s all lost now as he handles dicks and dongs, pocket pussies and anal plugs, even whips and chains. 

Shy. That’s definitely a word and surprisingly one that can describe him when he’s not on schedule within these walls of alien dicks and lime flavored lube to match the grotesque green color. At his other job, because he works two, he takes the praise of being the charming yet timid man who shows up with pans of food for events. 

The guests seem to love him and many times during weddings and company parties he has been offered phone numbers or asked for one simply because he appears to be that of a friendly face with a kind sense of being. Someone you’d wanna bring home to mom, some might say. 

It’s a stark contrast of jobs, and somehow he’s managed to dodge knowing many of the people coming into his night job to shop for ways to fuck themselves. The rare time it had happened, he was thankful to have another person in the shop to ring them up. Keeping up with two jobs is hard, and keeping up with two personalities is even harder.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You hadn't thought of that guy from the sex shop even once until he showed his face at your family reunion. 

He noticed you before you managed to realize it was him though. Stealing looks in your direction as you chat with little cousins and elder aunts and uncles, mostly to double check in his brain if you’re really the girl who showed up and nonchalantly bought the newest dildo in stock. The fleshy colored one with rotating beads and a g-spot stimulator button. You know, the really fucking huge one. 

 Upon meeting his eye again for the first time, he could tell it really is you, simply because of the way you furrow your brow as you recognize him. 

Jay couldn’t help but smirk. He knew that eventually someone at an event would recognize him as their local sex-shop manager, he’s actually shocked it doesn’t happen more often. At least it’s you though, a woman who looks near his age and clearly has a very healthy relationship with her sexuality. So much so that you weren’t shy or nervous in buying the toy from him. Because it’s honestly pretty common to see someone nervous or uncomfortable while buying items far less telling than the one you bought.

His smirk doesn’t go unnoticed by you before you look away from him and focus your attention back to your family and by the time he’s prepared the food and is standing aside to explain what ingredients the dishes have, you’re walking up with your empty plate and an awkward glance. 

He follows you down the line of dishes, seemingly more interested in you than anyone else. You could argue it’s just an attempt to make you feel embarrassed, or perhaps even an attempt to ask you not to snitch on where else he works to make his money. 

“Do I know you from somewhere?” You ask, a knowing look telling him that you’re already very aware of that ‘somewhere’ you know him from. 

His pursed lips and snide hidden laugh at you is one thing, but the way he whispers to you over a pan of potato casserole is another. 

“I think you know who I am.” He says, crossing his arms as he leans back again with a flicker of a crooked grin. 

You leave it at that, looking him in the eye curiously and for some reason, smiling back at the strange second encounter with a man who appears to have a name tag now.

“Thanks, Jay. See you around.” 

Heading away from the tables of food and toward the table that contains all of your favorite cousins, you are immediately bombarded with a raised brow from one of them. Ah, nosy. 

“What was that about?” One of them leans over to ask, glancing at the man who is still overseeing the table of food and maintaining perfect temperatures. She doesn’t quite catch the way Jay’s eyes flicker back to you, over and over again, repeatedly. 

“Huh? He was just telling me what was in the potatoes.” 

She takes your answer as truth without issue, and the conversation falls away and into something else. College life, job life, family life. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Okay so, you’re trying to hear yourself out here. Are you somehow curious and interested in speaking with Jay? Yeah. Do you know why? Also yes. For one, he just sold you a fucking interesting sex toy last weekend in the most uncomfortable way possible, and now he’s here at your family reunion to remind you of what you do in your apartment when you’re alone. 

His personality seems different this time too. He wasn’t monotone, he was snide with you about knowing who you are. He probably thinks its funny that he ended up at your family reunion over any other event.

So yeah, maybe you find yourself going up to the table for seconds even though you’re no longer hungry. Maybe you definitely wait until no one else is at the table and he appears to be tidying up the space and wiping up spills before speaking to him again. 

“Just how many jobs do you have?” You ask in a sarcastic tone when you reach him, the table between the two of you creating a comfortable distance to poke and prod.

He jumps only slightly at your presence because he didn’t notice you walking up. The brief break he’s taken from stealing glances so he could actually do his jobs appears to be the time you feel the need to finally approach. Still, he’s smiling again, looking at you up and down. 

“Plenty. How much lube do you have left?” He answers before shooting back his own question and getting right to the point. 

You freeze in shock at his question, reminding yourself that his monotone voice from the late dildo purchase is no more and he now comes across as vibrant and charming to you. You check him out for a moment, taking mental notes of what may not or may not be to like about him. You can’t tell if it’s good news or bad news that you’re not finding anything to raise any red flags. 

He’s bold, confidence, charming, clearly has a decent work ethic– 

“I can’t imagine you have much left, that thing was a fucking monster. We have tons in stock if you wanna–” He pauses to cover his mouth, forgetting that he’s supposed to be timid and gentle during his day job. He’s not supposed to be himself.

You find yourself laughing though, leaning over the table and holding out your empty plate. Mostly just to get in closer to him without alerting your family of a new future husband or something. 

“Why are you so interested in my ‘fucking monster”’ dildos anyway?” You narrow your eyes. 

He pauses, easing up at the way you’re just as cheeky and playful as he is, despite being surrounded by your family. It’s mildly inappropriate, but it’s making his shift go by quickly. You’re making his shift enjoyable today, so he continues. 

“I think anyone would be interested, with all things considered.” He checks you out again with a brief pause, knowing the size of that dildo you bought by heart, and fully aware that it probably ripped you in half if you really managed to put that thing anywhere inside of you. “Correction, they should be worried.” 

“You’re different from before,” you comment, both of you now blatantly staring down each other. “I like this version of you more.” 

Something inside of him feels giddy at that. Not to be cliche but he wonders if this is what it’s like to instantly have a crush on someone. Again, he’s not one to lie to himself. You’re pretty and you appear to be confident. Confident enough to take time from your family reunion to have a discussion about your plastic cock intake anyway.

“Maybe I’ll see you again sometime then.” He puts a hand forward, inviting you to shake it but you simply stare it down instead.  

“Yeah, maybe you will.” You smile, slapping his hand as if you’re low fiving him before swirling around and walking away thinking hard about the fact that…yeah, he might actually see you sooner than he thinks. 

Honestly, maybe within the next day or two because he was kind of right to ask about how much lube you have left, but it’s not like you’d answer that truthfully if at all. You might be running out after just two uses. He was right again about it being a fucking monster, because well, yeah. Maybe you’ll pop in and shop for bulk lube instead of rejecting his up-sale this time. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Unfortunately for you upon the reunion coming to an end, you get into your car and of course it doesn’t start. You drop your head to the steering wheel in a sigh and annoyed grunt.

The last thing you need is your father driving you home because he will lecture you about your car and how it’s got to be some fault of your own for it to not start. And you know, yeah maybe it was your fault. Why were your lights turned on during a sunny Sunday afternoon? Fuck if you know. Why were they left on for the entire nine hours you’ve been here at your parent’s house? You refuse to answer your own question.

And just as you go to accept your defeat, preparing to head back inside and take the walk of shame ten minutes after saying your goodbyes, a savior appears. 

That savior is none other than Jay,  walking up with his stiff button down shirt partially unbuttoned, hair now disheveled as he must have ruffled it up after the day of work. He watched you from his catering van for just a few minutes before finally getting out to offer his expertise. 

“The battery is dead.” He smiles, slapping both palms on your hood and leaning to look at you through the windshield. 

“Smart man, can you un-dead my battery before my dad comes out?”

Jay shakes his head apologetically. 

“I already checked the van for the cables, could be a write up on my part for not checking before leaving. We are supposed to have all sorts of shit to prevent breakdowns on a job. Not today though, apparently.” He scratches the back of his neck as he walks to your opened car door. 

“If you can hang tight for like ten minutes I can swing by after dropping the van off.”

Your eyes plead with him. You’d prefer this, yes. If he’s willing to help, you’re willing to accept.

“You sure I’m not too out of the way for you to do that?”

He shakes his head nonchalantly, waving you off as he leans into your car to pull your keys out of the ignition. He smells like food, obviously he does, but there’s a scent of something else on him that’s far more attractive. The dull scent of cologne that matches him all too well. 

“Don’t try to turn it on anymore if you don’t want your dad coming out.” He laughs. “I’m sure he would help you but if you’d rather I help you, I am more than happy to do it.”

He’s teasing. His little crush pushes him to want to help you, but he’s gonna play it off as casually as possible. 

“I’ll hang out here. My dad would lecture the fuck out of me.”

Jay nods, backing away and heading back to his van to fulfill his offer.

On another note, you’re shocked that your father didn’t hear the commotion, and even more shocked that he didn’t step outside once since the reunion ended. He must have been tired, and you know him, he sleeps like a rock and probably already hit the sack without even cleaning up the yard.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Oh, it’s dead dead.” Jay looks at you apologetically, peeking his head out from the side of your hood and through your window. 

“Define dead dead.” You comment, taking your keys out of the ignition with a huff. 

“Like, you need a new battery. This one is done for.”

You sigh loudly, knowing that now you’ll have to go ask your parents for a ride home. Knowing that your dad is going to add more to his lectures with each day your car is sitting in this driveway. This is so fucking annoying. At least you work from home though, so it’s not like you’re gonna lose your job over this or anything. 

Jay unhooks the cables and turns off his car, then stands there and watches you for a moment. You look frustrated and annoyed, and it’s very much like him to offer more help. 

Of course it is. 

“Would it be too forward to ask if you need a ride home?” 

You look at him confused, tilting your head and studying his body language much like before. You’re not one to decline someone making your life a little bit easier, and he is interesting to talk to. You nod slowly, then pause.

“You’ve worked all day, don’t waste your off-time helping me out.”

“I’m already wasting my off time on you though, might as well let me drive you home too?”

You stare at him. 

“Okay.”

The awkward silence sets in shortly after you seat yourself in his car. You fill that silence with small sarcastic comments about said car though, and soon it becomes easy to be in the space with him.

“Where did this sticker come from?” You ask, poking your finger into a sticker with its edges rolled from the summer heat, probably.

“Ex girlfriend, I couldn’t get it off without it leaving a residue so I’m just letting the sun do its job and melt it off.”

“Oh, harsh.” You laugh, wanting to prod further. “Why’d you break up?”

Jay pauses, you can tell by the way his foot lets up from the gas momentarily that he wasn’t expecting you to ask that. Then again, he’s said some weird shit to you too, so you figure it’s not an end-all question. 

“Was that too forward to ask?” 

“Not at all, just wasn’t expecting it,” He shakes his head with a small smile, nearly reaching his hand from the wheel to pat your leg in reassurance. He holds back, wondering why the fuck that urge felt so normal for him to do. “It’s been like a year, so I’m over it and stuff. She just thought I worked too much and didn’t spend enough time with her.”

“Ouch, even harsher.” You smile in reassurance to him, also feeling it normal to want to do that for some reason. “Her loss, I mean, discounted dildos and food? Huge loss.”

He laughs at your comments, briefly looking over at you once he stops at a red light. Your eyes are shining with life, with interest even. At that moment, he feels something between the two of you. Which is quite strange considering this is your first time officially meeting him outside of his working hours. He can’t help the way his face softens though, it happens against his will, honestly, it does. 

“You’re kind of cute,” You blurt, breaking eye contact with him and shifting in your seat. “and fun to hang out with.” 

“Hang out?” He laughs at you, eyes now adjusting back to the road and lowering his speed just to have a bit more time with you. “This is hardly a hang-out, but if you’re interested, I’m more than willing to check my schedule to see when I’m free next.”

You feel confidence raise up in your chest, bubbling to be free in the form of a question likely too bold to actually consider.

“You’re free right now…right?” You comment quietly, glancing at him. 

“Hm?” He asks, tightening his grip on the steering wheel and feeling your eyes on him. He heard you, but he wouldn’t mind hearing you repeat it.

“I said, you’re free right now.” You repeat, this time with more confidence. “Would it be too forward to ask if –”

“Nothing is too forward to ask, I literally sold you a dildo.” 

You pause in shock, all thoughts leaving your head.

“Damn, alright,” You laugh, feeling kind of warm inside at how his forwardness matches your own. “If you’re free right now, we could hang out right now.” 

How lucky for both of you. He’s actually not catering tomorrow and only has to be at work at the good ol’ sex shop in the evening. 

“Alright,” He nods, glancing over to you. “Kind of fucked up we are hanging out after I met your entire family and still haven’t gotten a name from you yet though, wouldn’t you think?” 

Oh fuck, he’s right. 

“I’m sure you heard the kids yelling it all day. Don’t be dramatic.”

He laughs, already in love with the idea of spending more time with you.��

And you hear him echo your name, asking where it is that you’d like to go. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

If your parents were to ask why you’re walking through your apartment building with the caterer following behind you, you’d have no excuse. Then again, as an adult, you don’t think you need one. It’s strange despite how open and casual you are with making friends though, because you never just invite strangers to your place for friendship. At least, not without hanging out a few times first. 

You guess it’s not super awkward because it’s true that he already knows things about you that your family doesn’t. Such as, the things you penetrate yourself with when you’re alone. It’s a major ice breaker, and something that makes the friendship with him come easy even after barely talking to the guy.

The few words you have shared have been easy and fun, so it’s only natural that if your instinct is to want to be around him a little longer, you’d invite him in right? You weren’t really expecting him to accept your answer to his question. 

“Where to then?” 

You thought for a moment when he asked that. You don’t go to clubs or bars anymore, most places would have been closing within the hour, and it’s not like you didn’t eat to peak fullness during the family reunion so having a late dinner with him was out of the question too. You answered him so easily, and he accepted in a way that seemed just as natural to him. 

“We could just hang out at my place, I’ve got plenty of streaming services, a gaming system, and wine.”

“Sounds good.” 

It was so easy to become friends with him, and now with him following you up to your apartment, the typical awkwardness that should come with this type of thing isn’t swarming your mind at all. He’s even making small talk about the building itself after parking in your parking spot. 

“This building is way nicer than mine, you got a door code and everything just to get in.”

“Wasn’t always like this. Being a single woman in a city like this calls for safety measures though.”

A little box in his head checks out. He didn’t even have to ask if you’re single, because he already assumed you were with the way you so easily invited him over. And in all fairness, you’ve been trying to find a reason to slip in your relationship status to him. 

By the time you get to your door with him, he’s polite when he walks in and takes off his shoes. Polite in the way he looks around and studies your space, even polite in the way he walks into the living room and invites himself onto your couch and grabs your remote. 

“I was going to say make yourself comfortable but–”

“Well, would you prefer I sit on your floor?” He shoots back with a sarcastic tone in his voice. “Would you prefer I start digging through your cabinets for snacks? Would you prefer–”

“You’re so much more talkative when I’m not trying to buy something from you.” You comment with a laugh, dipping into the kitchen for two glasses and that cheap bottle of wine. 

“Speaking of, do you actually use that thing and like it? I mean, I see some weird purchases but that specific one is super popular with the fetish groups.”

For the first time, you feel heat rise to your cheeks. You should have known that the sex toy would be a point of conversation, considering the first time you ever met was buying it. 

“Yes, I use it. I’m surprised you find it shocking considering it’s literally your job to know what people like in terms of getting off.”

He smiles at that, because you’re damn right he knows. Most of the time he would prefer not to know, but he always did wonder if, on the off chance, he ended up hooking up with a customer he’d have some prior knowledge of how they like it based on toys alone. 

“You know, normally people don’t buy toys on a Monday at nine in the morning.” 

“I buy toys at nine in the morning on a Monday,” You chuckle, carrying the two glasses and wine into the living room and plopping down next to him. “Why does that matter? I’m sure you make your quotas even on the slow days considering how hard you were trying to up-sell me.”

He shrugs as he watches you pour him a glass. 

“It’s easy to up-sell when you know people’s kinks after a few purchases. I do that to everyone just to gauge what they need so if they come back I can make more offers.”

“A true salesman.” You laugh with a pitied voice. “What would you say my kink is?”

He studies you, looking you up and down without shame and thinking hard about your single purchase. 

“Well, considering that specific item is, again, usually looked at by a specific type of person or couple, I’d say–”

“Wrong.” You interrupt before he even tries to make a guess. “I don’t have a kink, I just have a really high sex drive.”

You take a sip at his silence of being beaten to the punch, and then he takes his own thoughtful sip. 

“Okay then, What do you think my kink is?” He asks slyly, cup still against his lips as he sips again. 

“Wha–” You narrow your eyes at him, trying not to stare at him for too long because goddamn is he handsome. “Hell if I know, you probably don’t even have sex after being in a hyper-sexualized space like that for hours on end.”

“Wrong.” He pokes his tongue into his cheek and looks away from you with another casual chuckle.

“Are you telling me you have a pocket pussy or like, a buttplug or something?”

“Three pocket pussies, actually.”

You don’t know why you’re shocked. For some reason his sex toys becoming the focus makes you feel more shy than your own being the focus. 

“I bet you named them.”

“Pocket 1, Pocket 2, and Jessica.”

“Jessica?” You raise a brow despite the sarcastic banter, wondering if maybe that’s based on his ex girlfriend or something. 

He nods in a matter-of-fact tone with a proud smile. 

You feel comfortable around him, never having a friend who openly talks to you about these things without any type of awkwardness. It’s the fact that he’s a man too. Usually they think with their dicks and he seems to have no qualms in admitting that it’s something he may do from time to time too. 

You imagine he needs this type of personality to work such a job though, being casual about sex can be so difficult for your average joe because for some reason, it is embarrassing. It’s hard to talk about even to sex-shop employees. You like to think he’s probably someone who makes others feel comfortable about their sexual habits though, because you feel comfortable. 

“I’m lying by the way.” He cuts through your thoughts, “I only have two.” 

You nod energetically with a laugh. 

“Variety is good.” You continue, not mentioning the array of toys you have stashed away. 

“Yeah, I think experimenting with different things is good. I only really liked the two I kept though, I guess.”

“And yet, you’re shocked about my single dildo purchase without knowing of my other items of interest? I could have just been trying something new too, y’know.”

Another sip of wine, and another glance away from him because you were looking a little too fondly at that little scar on his nose, the birth mark on his neck, the way his lips crease when he swallows his drink and– yeah, you definitely glance away.

“No one buys that as a first time experience.” He comments, tapping the cup against his lips and looking at you.

You’re a little stunned by him, never having met a man so open to speaking like this, with a woman he barely knows no less. 

“Okay, enough about my dildo. I actually have a question about something you might have in stock but I’ve kind of been too embarrassed to ask until now.”

He nods, his personality shifting only slightly into that as the manager of the sex-shop.

“Oh? Embarrassed? Since when?” He jokes at first. “What is it then?”

“Do you guys have like,” you pause, unsure of why you’re even trying to ask. Again, it’s not like masturbation is embarrassing, nor is the purchasing of toys. Asking for a specific item is a bit too intimate to you though, seeing as how you usually just buy those things online. “Okay hear me out.”

“Tentacles? Furry buttplugs with tails attached? Bondage rope? Paddles?”

“No…” You pause at his spewing of different types of toys. “I know you have all of that.”

He pauses, studying the way you make yourself a bit smaller compared to just minutes before.

“Do you guys have sex dolls for women? You know, like, just a doll with a very normal dick?”

Jay fucking snorts. How mundane. 

Unfortunately for you though, Nope. 

“Nah, the owner tries to cater more towards men and fetish stuff. We’ve got fem tantaly dolls and all sorts of blow up dolls but he’s never brought in just like, a torso with a cock, if that’s what you’re asking.”

You shrug. 

“Guess sticking it to the wall is all I can do for now then. But like,” You pause, realizing that you’re actually going into detail at this point, which might be a little uncomfortable for him? Maybe? “It’s really annoying to have it sticking to the floor, and you’re like, riding it and it just pops off and stabs your thigh slipping out mid-orgasm.”

He snorts again, that pretty smile you’ve seen time and time again echoing the most attractive laugh you think you’ve heard in a long time. This time, his smile doesn’t fade as the seconds pass, no. He’s unable to stop laughing at the image of whatever orgasm instilled the frustration in you to even mention that happening. He tries to stifle his laughter with the last sip of his wine before choking it down and pushing his glass at you for more. 

“Noted,” He snorts, nodding his head and almost hiding his face from you. “I’ll tell the boss we need male sex dolls so the women don’t get dick-stabbed where they don’t need it mid orgasm.”

You glare. 

“Wait, no, because it actually hurts.” You frown at him. “I just wish your shop catered a little more to women who just wanna ride a dick without the dangers of riding said dick.” 

“Maybe you should slow down next time so the full force of your–” He pauses, realizing how sexual the image in his head is of you right now. “Um…” He trails off uncomfortably, unintentionally adjusting himself in his jeans by spreading his legs slightly against your couch. 

“Okay, wait. I’m sorry, is this conversation too much right now?” You ask, looking him up and down and giving him a new glass of wine. “You’re blushing.”

He tries to play it off. 

“As if you could make me blush.” He laughs at you, downing half of his glass in one go. “To make up for our lack of product though, and if you don’t tell anyone, I’ll give you a discount on your next purchase just for embarrassing yourself telling me that.”

“Oh, I was supposed to be embarrassed?” You counter, knowing that all you need to do is point out that he got flustered to shut him up. You opt not to because still, the two of you barely know each other. Instead, you opt to laugh along with him, letting your gaze fall back to studying all of those features he has that you didn’t quite notice before.

While you did notice he was handsome before, it’s not like you paid that thought any mind. There are a lot of handsome men out and about after all. It only starts to matter when they allow you to get close enough to appreciate it more. Not to mention, in your experience at various sex shops, most employees of them are mundane and nonchalant. Some are strange old men, or cool old women. Jay though? Jay.

Hmm…how to explain him?

With his messy hair that covers his eyes every time he whips his head toward you in a laugh, with his sharp jawed smile and pretty eyes. The little marks and celestial kisses against his skin that shows you of a life he’s been living. He feels…warm. Like everything about him looks comforting, smells comforting, sounds comforting. And now, even compared to when you met him at the shop, even at the reunion just this afternoon…he’s so much more handsome in this moment. 

Learning his personality, hearing his voice say your name, having him take the time to not only help you but befriend you? 

His shoulders are broad, and he’s just… you don’t even know how to explain to yourself the attraction you have toward him at this moment. Handsome is one thing, and you would have continued calling him that if it weren’t for the fact that he’s laughing with you on your couch about a ruined orgasm. 

“You know, Jay,” You start, looking into your glass and swirling the liquid inside, then you look up again and make eye contact. “I’m really not usually this forward but like,”

His brain stops for a moment at the serious tone in your voice, his expression softens and you can tell he’s listening. 

“I know masturbation and stuff is normal, and like, you see and talk about these things all the time but I never really talk about it to other people, they always get weird about it.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I can’t say this is the most normal hang out I've ever had. Usually we talk about our favorite movies or books or something.”

You wave him off. 

“Yeah, that’s a good point. We could talk about our favorite movies but I find myself, um–” You stop for a second. 

“Is talking about it making you realize that it’s uncomfortable?” 

“No, the opposite actually.” You laugh, now actually feeling embarrassed. “I keep thinking about you mentioning the other things you’ve bought and experimented with.”

“Oh? You’re curious?” He laughs, now feeling a bit shy himself because he’s pretty sure that’s you asking him to put images in your head. “I mean I could go into detail but it actually might be too-telling right now.”

You nod, unsure of why you even suggested.

“Maybe next time?” You change the subject with a smile, one that does seem slightly disappointed. 

“There’s a next time?” He smiles, setting his glass down on your table and shifting toward you.

“I don’t see why not? I’m having fun, plus you offered me a discount.”

He nods, looking around the room and checking the time. 

“I should probably head out then? We’ve both had a long day.” 

You nod back to him, feeling a bit sad. 

“When are you free next?” You ask, grabbing your phone in a way that seems a bit too excited. “Can you give me your number?”

He obliges, exchanging phone numbers and promising to contact you with his next free day or night to hang out. Just as he goes to leave though, for some reason both of you feel as though the satisfaction of this hang out wasn’t reaching full potential. 

“Hey, um,” He stops before he puts his shoes back on. “Would it be too forward to say I’m not tired and wouldn’t mind–”

“Staying for a bit longer?” You finish his sentence for him, patting the couch as if that was also on your mind.

He doesn’t even respond, and instead makes his way back onto the couch where the cushion is still warm, unable to help the fluttering feeling in his chest.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It's almost two in the morning by the time he offers to leave again, and yet, he stays at your clear disappointment of the offer. Another hour later, the two of you are sitting contently and pretending to watch some shitty tv show in comfortable silence. 

“We should say something.” He blurts, mid episode.

“What do you mean?”

He turns toward you. 

“We should talk about this.” He motions at the space between the two of you. 

You’re silent while you try to build up the confidence to meet him half-way again. 

“You can correct me if you’re not interested but I actually really would like it if you kissed me or something.” He adds as you continue to process what he seems to be getting at.

You’re taken aback by his forwardness for some reason, and instantly you knew he didn’t communicate this earlier for your own sake. Thankfully, you’ve tried to make it easy for him to read you and he ate it up like his favorite meal. The content feeling between the two of you was buzzing up to this point. Very loudly in your brain where you were thinking of how to kiss him before the night is up. Even as just a “thank you” if he were to turn away from it. 

“Oh yeah?” You ask, tilting your head and seeing him scoot closer. “Kiss you, or something?”

He nods his head, looking at you without much issue and searching for a reaction. 

“Are you interested in me like that, in any way?” He asks, looking for confirmation.

“Oh, most definitely.”

The smile that spreads across his face is one that you can argue will be unforgettable. It’s an expression you hope to bring to every person in your life, one that seems to express nothing but relief, excitement, and maybe even a hint of bashfulness.

“You thought I'd invite you inside without being interested?” You smile at him, feeling a little bit fuzzy in the head at the admittance. 

“I thought you were just being nice, or like, just interested in friendship,” He rambles on, stopping himself short to give more context to that statement. “I mean, it would be fine if this was all for friendship and I'm happy with that too but I can admit to coming into your apartment with maybe, uh, a small crush.” 

“I can admit to inviting you in with a small crush, maybe.” 

“Maybe.”

“Are we being too forward?” You ask, emphasizing the repetitive way that word seems to appear. “Even though you’re in my apartment at an ungodly hour and both of us are giving any and every excuse to keep you here?”

He smiles this time in a way that appears to be self-soothing, and you can imagine you are too. It’s always nerve-wracking to walk on eggshells with another person, the threat of wondering if you'll fall alone or fall with them into a new version of partnership. 

You don’t think about the lack of knowing him past a purchase, a quick conversation at a family reunion, or the past several hours he’s huddled up with you on this couch. You simply don’t think it’s strange at this point. After all, you’ve met people online and invited them over without much more than a name, age, and quick conversation about what they want sexually. How is this worse? How is this strange? 

“You’re right. Maybe we should stop being so polite when the reality of it is that I’ve been imagining what you’ve done with that toy since the day you bought it.” 

Okay, maybe that was too forward but all is lost now as your image of him changes drastically within the mere seconds it took him to say that, not in a bad way either. Again, of course he’s comfortable admitting it, the dude stares at dicks and holes all day. But now he’s staring at you, and talking directly to you.

Your silence makes him shift a bit, shaking his head apologetically. 

“Found the boundary, got it.” He shames himself with a timid voice, looking away from you and back to the tv with a hint of embarrassment. “I’m not lying though.” He adds after a few more minutes of your silence.

“Not much of a boundary if I admit that I was blatantly asking you earlier what you’ve done to experiment with your toys.”

“Aha! So I was right in thinking you were straight up asking for mind-porn of me?!” He feels instantly comfortable again, turning his entire body toward you as he folds up one of his legs to sit on with a little bounce. 

“Maybe, but what do you mean you’ve been imagining since I bought it? You barely made eye contact with me that day.”

“Oh, I was checking you out the whole time you shopped. Imagine my face when I knew exactly what toy you were reaching for.”

You shove him by the shoulder with a laugh, realizing that this is the first bodily contact you’ve ever had with him, but he actually leans into your shove rather than out of it. Meaning, he barely budges. 

“If I looked you in the eye at the register, you would have thought I was some pervert.” 

“You are a pervert. You said it had, what? Twelve other colors?” 

He shrugs with a pained smile at how cringe he must have sounded to you. 

“You seemed more like a sparkly pink girl rather than a normal flesh tone girl. Then again, this was before I knew you were looking for a literal male sex doll for super normal pretend-sex.”

You shove him again, your laugh coming out more forced now at the way he jokes with you. Once again, he doesn’t budge. In fact, he’s leaning in closer. 

“Now hold on, you didn’t mention anything about one having glitter in it.” You joke, wiggling your brows. 

“You trying to fuck a man or a magic unicorn?” He laughs yet again, all of it coming out more forced as the two of you drag out information just to hear the dirty words in a voice you’re only just realizing you like far too much. 

“A man.” You dead-pan, this time not laughing, looking him dead in the eye and trying to pretend you don’t notice how close the two of you have gotten. “Why else would I go for more human skin tones?”

“Fuck if I know, I haven’t met a single man who has vibration settings or rolling beads though.” 

You snort. 

“Shame…but also, why do you think I’m on the hunt for the most mundane sex toy a woman can buy now? The rolling beads almost had me passing out.” 

“Was it too much?” He asks seriously, hoping to god it was. 

“A little bit, yeah.”

“I can imagine you want something to feel real after that.”

For some reason, his words hit you straight in the gut. Your stomach drops as your attraction heightens, and suddenly you’re just staring at him as you respond. 

“I can imagine so, yeah.” 

He stares back, almost no space between the two of you as the banter only brought you both mentally and physically as close as possible without becoming twisted together. 

“When was the last time you felt something real?” He asks against his better judgment, wondering if you’re on the same page with him. Wondering if all this banter was leading to somewhere or nowhere. Because he could have sworn admitting to wanting you to kiss him, and you’ve yet to do so. 

“A month and a half.” You respond dryly, suddenly needing something to drink. 

He glances down at your neck when you swallow around your words, then stares at your lips before breathing in a sigh. One that was supposed to relieve the tension in this moment, but only building it more because he knows you see him do it. He knows you see him wet his bottom lip too.

“Are you going to kiss me, or are you planning to wait another month and a half to get what you want?” He continues on his streak of boldness as if to distract you from noticing the sexual tension, feeling his heart skip beats at the intensity of the moment. 

“It’s not like we have anything better to do.” You start, leaning in and still looking straight into his eyes.

“Are you suggesting that I’m boring?” He narrows his eyes as he feels your breath against his lips, still sweet from the wine that did close to nothing in terms of altering the brain. The two of you are totally planted into reality, if anything, a little drunk on the other. 

“Not at all.” You adjust your words from earlier, there, hovering just over his lips. “I’m just saying that nothing is more interesting than kissing you right now.”

Oh, the fluttering in his belly is so fucking intense right now. No eighteen inch alien tentacle dildo on a shelf could scare him as much as you do at this moment. Intimidatingly outspoken and aware of your wants and needs. His eyelashes flutter just like his stomach does, closing them slowly until he can feel your lips on his. 

Your stomach, on the other hand, has been doing flips since the first instance he admitted to wanting to stay. All of the tension, all of the comfortable silence, all of the glances, the smiles, the laughing, all of it was leading up to this. The moment your lips hit his, they feel much like you imagined they would. 

Soft, plush, warm. The thin lipped grins he’s given you all day now laying flat against your own lips, no longer grinning, now just wanting. And he’s gentle, so fucking gentle with it. Never has a man asked you to kiss him. Usually they close the gap to try and swoon you. It appears you’re both being swooned by each other at the moment though, and his soft kiss only pulls back momentarily before he leans forward, closer.

The third touch, save for you shoving him, his lips on yours, and now…his hand on your cheek. Caressing so gently as he deepens the kiss with ease. The heat rises up and through your skin at the simple touch. You think he must feel it with the way he chuckles into the kiss and starts peppering them against your lips over and over again. A split second between each lay of his lips, and then another solid kiss. One where you finally start moving yours too.

It’s slow and languid in the way he kisses you like this, barely even darting his tongue out but focusing more on your cheek against his palm. He can feel your jaw move as you kiss and can’t help but love what’s happening, and when you’re the one to lick against his lower lip, he falls in so easily. 

That little movement from you, that little feeling of your tongue experimentally prodding his lips open releases the last bit of tension holding him back. He pulls back to look at you and you’re not backing down even slightly. 

“Does this feel more real for you?” He asks in a snide way, swiping your bottom lip with his thumb of the glistening saliva before tilting his head with a smile. 

You very nearly roll your eyes at him for that. And by very nearly, you do roll your eyes at him and can’t help but smile yet again. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” He says, palm still against your cheek, tips of his fingers toying with the baby hairs on your hair-line. “because I can imagine that the toy couldn’t ki-”

You shoot forward to kiss him again, only just realizing how awkward the positioning is considering neither of you were probably expecting more than a first kiss. 

He laughs into it, knowing you were silencing him of something that could arguably be the most cringe-worthy thing he can say after kissing you. His laughs start to stifle though, as you press forward and somehow manage to have his back against the seat of the couch and you planting yourself on top of him. 

“Can you shut up about the toy now? I thought we got past that,” You argue as you pull back, your cheek already missing the feeling of his palm against it. “You can’t just act like this and then say some dumb shit like that.”

You’re joking, he knows it. If anything, you’re complimenting him right now and he eats it the fuck up as he stares up at you. 

“Was I wrong though?” 

You take a moment to look at him, realizing that this is the man who you just kissed. With his hair a mess and fanned out on the cushions, strands falling in front of his eyes, but mostly swept back and exposing the entirety of his forehead to you. 

You reach forward and brush a strand from his eyes. 

“Actually, say whatever you want.” You correct yourself and manage to ignore his question.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” He half-chuckles as he brings his hands up to sit against your waist, hoping you don’t pull out of the intimate position the two of you are in. 

“I don’t know, I was just looking at you and thought it would be stupid for me to try to argue with you right now.”

“Why’s that?” He prods for more compliments, feeling himself twitch at the way you look hovering over him. 

“Are you trying to argue right now?” You tilt your head, adjusting yourself now to sit directly on his thighs and lay forward, both hands cushioning your chin on his chest as you straddle him. 

“Would it be so wrong to admit that you’re fun when you argue with me?” 

You can feel him breathe under you, nearly rocking you further and further into whatever headspace Jay seems to put you in. It’s too comfortable, and it almost feels as though you’ve been with him for years now. You barely know him, yet you’re lying on him as if you got married two years ago. Insane how this works. How the heart works, or the brain, or whatever drives the arousal you’re feeling right now. 

“Will you argue if I ask to show you my room?” You start, lifting back up and away from his chest, now scooting forward a bit. You don’t dare sit on it yet, but you very much would like to if he were to suggest not moving at all from this couch. “My bed.”

He stutters and quickly quiets his excited words, replacing his voice with a nod and a sharp inhale.

“Hah! Telling me to argue and instantly buckling the second I mention my bed.” You laugh, pulling yourself up and sauntering out of his view.

He stares at the ceiling for a moment, in a daze over just how much he likes you. He wonders, would you be shocked to know he hasn’t had sex in much longer compared to you? One and a half months for you? That’s nothing to him. He’s been besties with his right hand for at least six months by now. Trust him when he says that it truly was difficult to not turn into a hormonal idiot when he saw you in the shop that day. 

Finally, he shakes himself out of the spaced out horny brain staring at your ceiling and stands to his feet. He’s quick to adjust the bulge in his jeans, uncomfortably shaking his leg before looking toward where you walked off to.

“Um.” He stops, realizing you were watching him, looking directly at the spot he just adjusted. “I mean,” He tries to start again, adjusting again as he feels it slowly move out from its tucked place. “Listen,”

“No, I get it.” You say, snickering at his embarrassment as if he somehow doesn’t know you were suggesting at least some foreplay by moving to your room.

“Of course you do,” He drops his head, now blatantly shoving his hands down his pants to adjust before looking back up and taking a step forward. “You’re the one who sat on me like that.”

“Please, I didn’t even sit on it.” 

“Didn’t need to.” He shrugs, now coming up to you and waiting for you to guide him through your space and into your room. 

Once the two of you get there, him not even attempting to hide that he is very aroused at this moment, you’re very quick to turn and face him once he comes inside. 

“We are on the same page, right?” You ask, looking at his lips and the way they still look so kissable. 

“As far as I know, with all things considered.” He responds, looking down at himself and how pathetic he must seem in getting so aroused by nothing more than a kiss and a position change. 

You smile, reaching for his hand and watching him tumble forward to you. Now standing mere inches in front of you. 

“Do you want to see it?” You ask, a cheeky smirk on your face as you turn away from him and run to your bedside table. 

He has no idea what the fuck you’re referring to until he sees it. There, in all of its non-human glory. Jay ticks his tongue, curiously straining his neck out to peek at what else is in your drawer as he walks closer. 

You make no attempt to close the drawer and instead pull out another one, and another one, another one.

“If you keep pulling out toys I’ll start to think you were lying in saying you wanted to feel something more, um–”

“Real?” You say, turning from your presented line-up of toys to look at him. 

He nods, gazing over the toys, four dildos all far bigger than he is. 

“I can admit that men can’t vibrate, nor do they have those little rotating beats but,” You chuckle at the conversation, scooping the toys up quicker than you laid them out and tossing them back into the drawer. “They’re not warm, or attached to someone that can kiss me. They’re also not witty.”

You study his expression.

“They don’t make me laugh before getting me off.” You continue, wondering if you may actually be too forward about this now. 

He’s rendered a bit speechless, which is rare for him in any given situation. He always has a quick response, not at this moment though as he looks at you. He wonders if you pity that obvious act of self-doubt upon seeing your toys. 

“They’re not attached to you.” You add, this time stifling your chuckle, because it’s a pretty funny conversation if you look at it from the outside but you can imagine he must be feeling some type of way to be so quiet.

He thinks hard about it, knowing damn well where this was leading and pushing for it himself. Hearing you now though, so confidently say these things, all doubt erases from his mind. 

“Before we do anything,” he starts, his shaky voice coming out more confident as he continues. “Is this just a hook-up to you or are you feeling the way I’m feeling right now?”

You look at him with a question in your eyes. He was kind of shocked that you didn’t finish for him this time, actually. 

“Like, you know if we do this, I’m going to be calling to take you out to dinner at some point unless you say you don’t want me to, right?”

You hadn’t thought of anything past him since you’ve gotten here. You didn’t think about anything more than hanging out with him, and now, kissing him, and maybe you know, feeling him. For some reason though, despite the lack of sex you’ve had lately, him saying that only arouses you more. It’s been so long since you’ve intended to sleep with someone and have them want to stick around after. Some of the people you’ve been with didn’t even ask for your number. Is this what adult relationships are actually like? 

“As in, you’d want to see where this goes in the–”

“Future, yes. I’m not just going to fuck you and pretend I didn’t when I see you again.”

Shockingly, that’s a first for you and you like the feeling it gives you. Plus, him implying that he’s about to, or very willing to, fuck you sends a wave of fondness through you.

“Alright. Let’s not call it a hook up then.” You say, the playful arousal from before stifling out at the idea of being intimate with someone who is making you aware that you’ll see him again, now being replaced with…feelings? Arousal with feelings?

“What should we call it?” 

“A date?” You say back immediately, sitting on your bed and finally closing your bedside drawer. 

“Oh, you fuck on the first date?” 

You laugh at how quickly his wit comes back, especially with the way he crowds up and stands in front of you. 

“With you? Looks like it.” You smile wide for him, feeling the tension bleed away and replace itself again with the arousal of him standing and looking down at you. 

“How did we not meet earlier?” He asks, leaning down a bit as if to kiss you.

“Fuck if I know, I bought all of those toys at your shop.”

“Ah, right. Nine in the morning on a Monday. I don’t usually work mornings.”

“Guess I got lucky last time then.”

“I guess you did.” He adds like a period to a sentence, finally kissing you again and making no effort to hide the fact that he’s attempting to lay you down much like you did to him before. 

You let him, falling back on your bed and feeling him nudge your legs to spread. Again, you let him, feeling your heart begin to race with excitement in the way he kisses you now versus how he did it earlier. 

There is clear intent behind it this time, as he positions himself between your legs. Your heart only races faster when one of his hands slides down your arm and he tangles his fingers with yours. It’s all very intimate to be coming from a man you officially met today, but you really do feel lucky. 

Lucky that he works two jobs, lucky that your family throws lame ass reunions every five years, lucky that you left your headlights on during a sunny sunday afternoon, lucky that your battery died. 

It’s so normal already to smile into the kiss and feel giddy inside. Never have you smiled into a kiss save for laughing when a leg cramp happens mid-fuck. You can’t believe how much you’ve smiled and laughed today, and you can’t believe he’s making you react this way just by holding your fucking hand and kissing you this way. 

He laughs when you react though, probably feeling at ease on your bed with you under him, squeezing your fingers tightly each time he licks against your tongue. And when he pulls back to breathe, you just look at him and the way his hair hangs in front of his eyes. He looks so pretty at this angle, even when he’s moving slowly, even when his other hand remains planted beside your head to hold his weight from falling onto you. 

It’s not been since highschool that you’ve laid with someone simply making out, fully clothed, giggling. You’re unsure of how he’s pulled this out of you, because usually when a man is on top of you, you’re already trying to get his clothes off. But this? This is something that you want to last. You want it to be slower than a usual fuck, because you like when he’s here with you. Whether on top of you or not, there was a reason he’s stayed this late already and you already know it wasn’t solely to fuck you.

“Did you expect to be on top of me someday?” You ask between kisses, and he takes that as an invitation to laugh against your neck and tickle your cheek with his messy hair. 

“Expect it? No,” He starts, leaving a kiss just under your ear before lowering his lips to the collar of your shirt and kissing there too. “Hoped I could, though.” 

Your heart swells up at that. You realized he must have meant it when he admitted to having a small crush on you. Only now do you realize that the curiosity that brought you back up to the food-table during the reunion may have been the start of a crush on your end too. 

You don’t say anything more after that and instead fall into the feeling of his lips kissing along your collar. For some reason the sensation of his lips pushing the fabric out of the way so he can kiss new exposed skin makes you feel incredibly wanted. Maybe it’s the pace, or maybe it’s just because you really really like him, and want him to want you. 

“Do you want to take it off?” You ask after a few more of his kisses, wanting to control yourself but also very much wanting to feel his lips everywhere else too. 

You can feel him nod in the form of his hair tickling your cheek more. But he doesn’t move from that spot at first, continuing to kiss you the same way and in the same places. You let him, up until he finally sighs and pulls back. 

Looking at him now, even compared to a few moments ago, he looks even more pretty. His eyes are now soft, you can almost see the lines from where he’s smiled for you all day. His lips, looking more kissable than they did the past two times you thought they looked as kissable as they ever could. His eyebrows, showing no signs of tension but permanently arched in a way that makes him appear constantly moody. 

You’re staring and you’re not intending to hide it. Even as he lifts your shirt from your waist and starts to pull it up. You barely budge as you stare, and stare, until you can’t because he’s trying to pull your shirt over your head.

“If you’d stop staring for two seconds maybe I could get this off of you–” He smiles knowingly, finally pulling it off when you arch your back and then prop yourself up slightly with your hands. “There.”

He sighs when he says it, going silent and almost frozen at the image of your nearly-naked torso. You watch him stare now, a smirk forming all too quickly.

“Now look who’s staring.” You chuckle, noting that his eyes still don’t leave the newly exposed skin or the fabric of your bra.

“Yeah, I am.” He admits, wetting his lower lip again and then flicking his eyes to you. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Suddenly, that eye contact makes you feel shy. You’re more naked than he is, despite mostly being dressed still.

“You know,” you start, avoiding his intense eye contact just to get the words out. “If we just take all of our clothes off now, it would probably be easier.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle at you but nods, already lifting his shirt off and going for his zipper and button.

“There’s no rush, but if you’d prefer we do,” He scoots back and away from you, standing to his feet to shove his jeans down his legs. “I don’t mind.”

You watch him undress and lose all ability to act on your own for a solid thirty seconds before you finally start panic-shimming the rest of your clothing off. Save for bra and panties, and he, now standing there clad in only a pair of form-fitting briefs. 

You’re glad he isn’t as shy as you at this moment though, or rather, he appears to be entirely infatuated with your body and doesn’t look away from it for even a moment to feel embarrassed himself at standing on the side of your bed nearly nude. 

“No rush?” You ask, when he finally trails his eyes up to you and takes his position between your legs from earlier. Except now, you can see his biceps and the way they flex, now, you can feel the immense amount of warmth radiating from him. Now, his hair is even more of a mess.

“I can try,” He says quietly, balancing on one hand and lowering his lips to yours once more, trying to ignore how dangerously close his length is to bumping against your core. “No promises now, though.”

You smirk, wondering where he lost his self control within that short span of time where you got undressed. He cuts your chuckle off mid-way though, now kissing you again and moving his hand up and down your waist. It tickles and causes goosebumps to form all over you, to the point that you can’t help but sigh into his kiss. 

He continues, still holding his hips back from grinding against you, kissing you as good as he can until trailing back to your neck again. 

It’s not until you run your fingers through his hair that he sighs himself. That relief and heavenly feeling of your fingers scraping the back of his neck— such a simple touch can literally send him straight to hell at this point and he wouldn’t care a single bit as long as it’s from you and your hands. 

He lowers himself more, just to prevent his hips from intruding into this moment only to lock his lips onto the mound of your breast, other hand lowering so he can lay down and push your bra to the side a bit. 

The cold air that hits your nipple is short-lived when you feel him immediately suck it into his mouth with a deep breath. You continue to scratch through his hair, now using your other hand to nearly hug his head in place as you feel the sensations shoot straight between your legs. Each flick of his tongue sends signals to your brain to go! go! go! But much like him, you hold back, even though your legs still manage to squeeze his body between yours in an attempt to find the friction he isn’t yet offering. 

He continues this for a few minutes, and then works his fingers under the bra on the other side of your chest before switching his lips to that one. Perking them up so perfectly that he can graze his teeth against either nipple and feel your legs react to it. All of it is turning him on beyond belief, it’s dangerously attractive to him now too, to know that you have several toys that could have already gotten you off by now, but you choose this. You choose his lips playing with your tits, and your legs doing an amazing job of showing him your lack of control. After all, toys can’t give you the foreplay that he can.

His lips continue their work, up until he’s trailing further and further down, making your sighs hitch higher and higher in pitch. He kisses your waist, just above your belly button, then just below your belly button before leaning back.

There, he looks directly at the seat of your panties and smiles at the wet spot there. He plants a kiss right in the center of your mess  before climbing back up and caressing your cheek again. 

“You’re wet.” He comments in a huskier voice than he normally uses, balancing yet again on his other arm.

Goddamn, if this is how he sounds when he’s with a girl then you feel more lucky than before. You can’t imagine the amount of women who have fallen completely in love with this guy. And, before you can actually respond to him with another cheeky comment, his hand on your cheek disappears and is instantly between your legs, cupping you there and even scooting you up the bed with the force of how he grabs you.

You hitch out a sigh and look at him with a smile.

“Obviously.” You say back, rolling your eyes playfully before unintentionally bucking your hips into the pressure his palm offers against your clit. 

“Cute too.” He adds, lifting his palm to run his fingers up the wet spot on your panties before pressing in slightly. 

You can feel the fabric stick to you uncomfortably, but it still feels so fucking good. Any amount of touching from him feels good, if you’re being honest. 

“And you’re teasing me.” You argue, looking away from his smirk as he plays with the wet fabric against his fingers. 

“Just ask. I’m not teasing you if you're not telling me what you want.” 

You shoot your eyes back to him, a mixture of curiosity and shock in your eyes. It’s true though, you are a little shocked. Most men really just do what they want, and so do you. Never have you been asked what you want. 

Your eyes trail down as far as they can, what his hand is doing is mostly hidden between your legs but you focus entirely on the way his arms flex as his fingers travel up and down your panties. 

“You want me to ask?” You question, hips bucking up again unintentionally. 

“Not so much ask, but like, tell me what you want.”

He nods to himself as he says it, licking his bottom lip and pressing the fabric of your panties in yet again. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to do what he wants right now though, definitely not. He just figures you know your body far better than he does, and he’d rather not make assumptions and embarrass himself when you could just ask him or better, guide him. Who is he to assume you want his fingers right now anyway?

“I’ve never…” You start, swallowing your words as your brain goes back to focusing on his fingers momentarily. “I haven’t–”

He knows what you’re trying to say, so he attempts to make it a bit easier for you. 

“Do you want me to pull your panties to the side?” 

You sigh with a nod, looking at him and allowing him to guide you through telling him what you want.

“Do you want me to touch you?” 

You nod again, pushing your head back against the mattress out of frustration that you, for some reason, can’t find the words to just tell him yourself. 

He listens to your body though, more than your weak nods and frustrated sighs. The way your legs shake when he asks, the way you react to the air hitting your folds when he does push your panties to the side. He can’t bear to look down yet though, because he knows for a fact that if he were to pull back and look at you in full, he’d no longer be asking you what you want. He’d be embarrassing for sure. 

You can feel his fingers now sliding through your folds though, bare pussy out and on display but not yet being looked at, only being felt. And arguably, all you can do right now is feel too, as he leans forward to kiss you in this silent moment. 

His fingers continue to explore as he kisses you, collecting all of your arousal and swirling it around your clit before sliding back down and prodding at your entrance. You make a sound at that, kissing him a little harder than before when he lets out a hum.

“Hm?” He hums against your lips, and you nod to him. 

There, he dips a finger in only slightly. Your arms reach around his neck at the feeling and pull him closer to you. To the point that you can feel him struggle to angle his hands right to slide in deeper, but you pay no mind to it. At least not until you kiss the fucking daylights out of him.

That, you do. Kissing him with full-force and making a show of how turned on you are for him. He feels it, with or without your kiss bruising him. The wetness on the tip of his finger only becomes wetter, and when you release your grip around his neck, he still doesn’t leave the kiss.

He goes back to gently kissing you, focusing more on his fingers than what his tongue is doing. He slides that same finger in all the way now, feeling your walls clench almost instantly and beg for more. Chuckling at the feeling, he fucks his finger into you experimentally before pulling them out and adjusting two fingers at your entrance. 

“Hm?” He hums again, and you nod again.

So, two fingers slide in and you’re releasing a soft moan against his lips. Already out of breath from focusing so hard on how he feels when he touches you. Your lips fall slack just to catch that lost breath, and he doesn’t argue, going right back to that spot on your neck to kiss as he picks up rhythm with his fingers. Effectively fucking you open with them as you cling to him.

You hate to say you didn’t pay much attention to his hands until now. Having not noticed how deep just those two digits reach inside of you, and good fucking lord does he know how to use them too. Curling them up at just the right moment to have your legs shaking. 

Never have your legs fucking shook for a man. This only happens with the g-spot stimulating toys. God, you open your eyes to look at the ceiling in thought, and it has you wondering if he even knows he’s doing it. 

“Keep doing that–” you urge him, and he hums at you finally at least trying to tell him what you want. 

He finally lifts from your neck to look at you, now placing his weight back on that one free arm that had been toying with the ends of your hair this entire time, and he’s fucking floored. Even if he pictured you before with those toys, none of those images came close to this. And it’s just his fingers? No where near the size of your toys, no where near as expensive, or warm…or alive.

Oh. You want to feel someone who wants you. 

“I’ll do anything you want.” He says, doing exactly as you asked except a little faster, still hitting that spot inside of you so perfectly that you’re moaning out now. 

He tunes in entirely to the sounds you’re making, the faces you’re making, and the way your pussy clenches around just those two fingers. He is aching at this point, pulling back from hovering over you to sit now between your legs, fingers still keeping pace, and sliding his other hand down his briefs. 

You don’t notice at first, too enthralled by the feeling of his curling fingers inside of you, but when you do–

“God,” You moan, rolling your eyes at the image of him out of breath, both hands working to pleasure both of you. “Come here.”

He listens, already pulling his hand away from himself but keeping his fingers in you, in a daze as he takes his original position of hovering over you.

“No, I mean, come here.” You say, looking at him as you reach between your bodies and pull his fingers out of you, then reach to grab between his legs. 

He immediately moans at the feeling, his hips pressing harshly into your grip with a whine as he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes just to feel it. 

“Pull it out.” You continue, slowly becoming more and more comfortable telling him what you want. 

Just watching him do what you ask is insanely hot. The way he pulls his cock out seems so natural to him, you suddenly imagine what he must look like all alone while getting himself off. Thankfully though, he’s not all alone right now, he’s with you, and you intend to be getting him off. 

You look at him, between his legs, and then back at him once more before grabbing it again and practically pulling his hips to you by the cock. He groans all the same at it though, and only holds his breath when he feels your legs spread further and essentially press his cock between your folds and hold it there from the head. 

“Grind.” You say, still holding your hand in place to keep the pressure against him, which also puts pressure against your clit when he does grind up.

You both shiver at it, and he still looks down at you, fucking smiling through his sighs of relief regarding the new sensations you’re offering. 

“You’re actually fucking perfect.” He compliments, fucking his hips up and coating his cock with the dripping of your needy cunt. 

Out of everything he’s ever said to you up to this point, out of everything he’s fucking done to you, that’s the one thing that has you spiralling into a world of fire. It makes you feel so warm, especially with the head of his cock bumping your clit. He has barely gotten any friction and he is still calling you perfect? Sign you the fuck up, forever, actually. 

“Don’t be stupid,” You start, waving him off between moans and gripping his shoulders.

He grinds up harder at your words though, now propping himself up on his elbows and grabbing your face on both sides. 

“You, don’t be stupid.” He says clearly, pointing his thrusts directly at your clit and moaning only slightly as he looks at you.

You swear, at that moment he could see your entire life. Everything about you. Everything you love and hate. The way he doesn’t look through you but at you? 

“You’re actually insane.” You laugh, crumbling to his pointed gaze and thrusts, your legs automatically shooting up to wrap around his waist. 

He seems proud of being called insane right now. Mostly because he can come up with at least fifty reasons as to why this is anything but insanity, but he remains quiet at the feeling of your legs squeezing around him. 

Such a girl was looking for mundane sex toys to have normal sex with? Lucky you, this is his fucking favorite. Plain ‘ol missionary? Check. Legs squeezing around him, almost pulling him in? Check. Looking directly at the face of the person he wants to make feel good? Check. 

You barely notice his lack of control by this point, the closeness alone feels like you’re already having sex but you realize you’re entirely empty still. This is fine though, until it’s not.

When does it not become fine? When his confident moans turn to soft sighs, and you notice his arms shaking a bit to hold his weight above you, and when his eyes go dead staring at you. You can tell he’s focused entirely on the feeling between the two of you, doing nothing more than aggressive yet…weak grinds? 

“Jay,” You say, slightly out of breath. 

“Hm?” He responds half-heartedly, releasing his weight from one elbow and dropping his head between your neck and shoulder.

“Fuck me.”

It’s like you can feel the switch in his head go from losing sanity to gaining it back in an instant at those words. He felt like he was pleasuring himself against you for so long, with so much friction between your hand and his abdomen constantly pressing into it. He could have gotten off from this, if you wanted him to anyway. It would have been an intense orgasm after working up for so long too, but now? 

He doesn’t even say anything, he doesn’t even move his head from between your neck and shoulder. Instead, you feel him expertly adjust his hips and press in without much trouble. He finds exactly where he belongs so fucking fast that is has you spinning and clenching immediately. 

“Shit,” He drones out with a long sigh, slowly sinking his cock into you. “You’re throbbing.” 

You chuckle, because yeah. You definitely are, but so is he. You can feel his thick length spreading you open inch by inch, until he’s fully planted into you and twitching. Then he doesn’t move again.

“This alone could do me in,” He chuckles against your neck, breathing in a deep sigh and attaching his teeth to your lower ear lobe. “Honestly, I can't believe I didn’t already cum  just from having my fingers in you.”

You’re both flattered and shocked by this comment, before you can even think to respond he’s talking again.

“You’re so tight, so wet.” He soothes himself through the feeling of your walls clenching around him by explaining how good your pussy feels, not yet wanting to move and just wanting to feel what your body does to him on its own. “It’s so hard not to move right now.”

“Please,” You manage to get out, struggling to focus on just one thing with the way he’s talking and the way he sits so perfectly inside of you. “Please, move.”

And he does, instantly. Pulling out and sliding back in so easily that the slapping sound is muted entirely by the matching moan you both release. You can feel his voice vibrating against your neck, and you can imagine he might be able to feel yours through your pulsing walls, because it feels like every sound, touch, and sensation is sent straight there for him to enjoy. 

It doesn’t stop either. Both of you shamelessly moaning at the feeling of him snapping his hips into you at perfect speed, with a perfect voice, and a perfect hand moving up to grip your chest. 

He’s practically blanketing you with his body, your legs holding him in this spot, his hair still finding a way to tickle your cheek with each thrust in. It’s so fucking much. It’s so good, and so…comfortable.

You’re comfortable. So comfortable you don’t even feel the need to rub your clit, you don’t want to chase the orgasm, you just want to feel him. And apparently, he’s still on the same page with you. 

When he lifts his head, kissing the bottom of your chin and then your lower lip, still the two of you are groaning at each deep thrust in, but he manages to talk through it, somehow.

“Don’t stop,” he says, despite you barely doing anything. “Keep doing that.” He continues as his thrusts pick up pace. 

Only now do you realize that you were doing something. Without noticing, your hands were nearly tearing his back apart. Not literally, but your nails may have dug in a few times. Normally, once you notice doing that, you would stop because normally men don’t want the trace of another woman on him. Jay though, he’s in love with the idea that you’ll leave a mark. 

Obsessed with the sting of it, really, loving the idea of going to his night-job tomorrow and staring at all of the toys that don’t offer you a back to hold onto like this. 

You do as he asks much like he does for you, gripping him so tightly that your nails have no choice but to leave half-moon shapes on his skin. Each thrust drags your fingers up, down, up down, and with each thrust it somehow feels deeper, harder, hotter.

When he releases your chest from his other hand and puts it back to your cheek, caressing much like he has each time he’s focused on kissing you, you think you’re a fucking goner. 

As expected, he kisses you at that moment and thrusts once, hard, before holding himself there.

“I’m really close,” He whispers apologetically between kisses, “tell me how to get you there with me.”

You smile when he kisses you again instead of letting you answer, but you fall into it much like he does and you opt to grab that hand on your cheek and guide it to your clit. 

Instantly, he’s rubbing harsh and sloppy circles around it, and you reward him for the perfect work of his fingers yet again with your fingernails digging into his back. He softly moans at that, and you swallow it up all too easily. 

Tensing your muscles, his fingers on your clit work you up so quickly that you barely warn him of your oncoming orgasm, even as his cock sits leaking and heavy inside of you. You don’t even know how to tell him, all you can do is frantically moan out shortly.

“I’m–” 

Instantly his hips are back at work, barely even thrusting but instead remaining buried into you for the most part. He pulls out an inch and slams back in, wanting your orgasm to get him off more than his own movements. And fuck, it does.

The way you clench when you reach your high, slack lips against his own, he releases at what he could argue is the best possible time. Your tenses muscles work him up perfectly, gently massaging his cock as he releases in full without too much overstimulation. 

And you. You have never gotten off with a man staying mostly still inside of you. Actually, you’ve only gotten off that way with toys because nothing beats getting off while completely full. Jay really is something, or, someone. 

The two of you release together, and his lips fall slack just like yours do. The kissing turned to that of desperate, orgasm-fogged moans into the other’s mouth. For some reason, it was incredibly hot to you that you both reacted that way. So insanely drunk on the other that nothing felt embarrassing.

Even the way his fingers moved on your clit through your orgasm, he somehow knew when to go and when to stop. 

Even now, as your orgasm tapers off, you are so blissfully aware that you want to immediately fall asleep even with him inside of you. Jay is polite though, and gently pulls out with a small apology of the mess. 

When he looks at you, looking so sleepy under him, maybe it translates to him too and he instantly yawns but tries to be strong for both of you.

“We should clean up.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

There wasn’t even a question in your head when he slept over that night. He didn’t even hint at leaving. Nor did he hint the morning after as you groggily opened your computer for your daily work. 

He did hint that he would miss you when he eventually had to go to his own house and get ready for an evening at the sex-shop. He also hinted a few times at feeling like, when he looked at you, you weren’t a brand new person in his life. Part of you wonders if that’s because maybe you want to be permanent in his life from now on.

Later that night, he came back. Bright eyes and a stinging back.

For some reason, you feel it’s safe to say that neither of you can stand being apart for too long. So yeah, maybe this is what a normal relationship is like. If, you know, you were in a relationship with him.

Ironically enough, only a few days later that relationship is established in the form of a new car battery and a bottle of lube that he bought for you. 

Not that you need it. (The lube.)

[caitlinsclark]

REASSURANCE caitlin clark caitlin clark x reader | summary: Caitlin needs to be reassured and you're the only person who can do it. based on this request. ✰ part of my 500 follower celebration! word count: 1.3k masterlist and tag list

You were getting ready for a dinner with the team, celebratory after beating Liberty in an unexpected battle that went down to the last second. After losing to them three times before, the girls were determined and it showed on the court.

You’d ran into Caitlin’s arms upon the buzzer going off, eager to shower her in praise for an amazing game played, “I’m so proud of you!”

You were a little deterred by the way she loosely wrapped her arms around you, patting you halfheartedly in comparison to the usual show of spinning you around gleefully.

Though you chalked it up to a possibility of the cameras and watchful eyes causing her hesitance. And you tried not to take it to heart when she spent the entire ride staring intensely into her phone, close to her face and body angled so it was almost shielded from you. 

She didn’t even seem to indulge in the hand you had lying on her leg, simply entranced by whatever she was scrolling through. So when you got home, you allowed her the space she seemed to need and started getting ready on your own.

“Cait, are you almost done?” You called out from the bathroom, waiting for her to respond. When nothing but silence rang out, suspicion started to build within you.

With narrowed eyes you walked back into the bedroom, finding your girlfriend laid out on the bed, engrossed in her phone. This normally wouldn’t be too strange, but you had only a few more minutes to get ready and she hadn’t even started.

Approaching where she laid on the bed, you let your hand run down her back gently, “Whatcha doing, pretty girl?”

She frowned at the nickname and your mind ran a million miles an hour, as it usually it invoked the opposite reaction. Her phone immediately got turned off and you tried not to read into it irrationally.

“Sorry, I’ll go get ready,” Caitlin stood up abruptly and tried to escape the situation by heading toward the bathroom. You caught her hand before she could try, staring at her with a straight face. She squirmed under your gaze, not very great at hiding when things were wrong.

“Do I have to torture it out of you, really?” You tried to pull her closer by her waist but she shied away from your touch. A frown settled on your face and it matched the one that had been stuck on hers. 

Her arms crossed over her chest as a method of protection, so you gently laid your hands on arms, a peace offering.

“Are you okay?” You asked softly, thumb running over her skin with care as you searched her brown eyes for the slightest indication of what was wrong.

You could only watch as she unexpectedly let her head fall onto your shoulder, a wrecked sob escaping her that had your own heart clenching in your chest. You slid your hands to wrap around her upper half and pulled her into you, welcoming the way she fell into your hold seeking comfort. 

Your hand held the back of her head, keeping her secure as she tried to calm her breathing, small cries leaving her body. But your hand soothingly on her back allowed her to settle into you, knowing she could take her time and you’d still be patiently waiting. 

“I keep seeing people talk about me and my game day outfits,” She finally spoke into your neck, squeezing your waist to distract herself from the thought again, “that I’m too feminine, or I’m not feminine enough. That nothing fits me right. I never see anything good.”

“You’re looking in the wrong place for something good, Cait,” You corrected softly, running your fingertips through her hair, “You know instead you can ask me, you can ask Kate, Aliyah.” 

She followed your touch like a magnetic pull, realizing that focusing on it was a better remedy than the silence she previously chose.

“And if you had asked me, who is very knowledgable in beautiful women from dating one so long,” You kissed her forehead softly, “You look gorgeous in everything you wear, no matter the style.”

She didn’t seem to believe you the first time, “But they’re right, it doesn’t look right on me. I don’t even look confident.” Her voice fell toward the end, still shaky. 

You were quick to reason with her, “Then you use the next few games to find your style, baby. It’s your style for a reason, and you’ll feel confident when you feel comfortable.” And she knew you were right, hated that she couldn’t snap out of the mindset she was stuck in.

"You're just starting, Caitlin," You pointed out and your voice didn't leave room to argue, "You have every game ahead of you to wear the right outfit, or the wrong outfit. And the thing is, you'll look beautiful each time because it's not the clothes making you gorgeous."

She felt herself being put under your spell, your words dripped in a honey that was hard not to give into. Her head finally lifted from your neck, red rimmed eyes blinking slowly as they connected with yours.

“I just don’t wanna look in the mirror right now,” She confessed quietly, too scared to ruin the blissful mindset you’d created by bad thoughts.

You ran your hands up and down her arms comfortingly, “Do you want me to help you get ready?” And when she sent you an appreciative nod, you adjusted your position to let her lay on the bed.

Shifting so you could straddle her waist, you set your makeup bag to the side of you, “I don’t do this for all my clients.” You teased as you gently tucked her hair behind her ears. You took the opportunity to press a small kiss on her cheek before continuing.

“There’s no other clients,” Caitlin mumbled, still too quiet to be counted as normal but slowly gaining her attitude back as her hands found your waist.

You snorted quietly to yourself and she felt her mood lifting at the sound itself. She closed her eyes contently, allowing herself to relax physically and mentally as you cared for her. You hummed as you ran your fingers gently over her face, taking the time to do her normal routine how you’d seen her do it a thousand times. 

Caitlin was going to remind you what came next, but realized she didn’t even have to because you just knew. And the realization made her settle into the bed with even more warmth than before.

When you were finished, you set a soft kiss on her lips and grinned lovingly as she chased after you longingly when you pulled back.

She shifted so she could lean her back against the headboard, holding you steady and close against her. Her frown was replaced with a tiny smile, playing with the hem of your skirt.

“You know I had three posts about your last game day fit saved,” The words were muttered against her ear in confidence and your heart warmed at the laugh she couldn’t help but let out. It was unfiltered and loud, ways better than when you’d first come into the room.

“No, seriously,” You insisted, forcing her to look you in the eyes, “You are the reason women question their sexuality daily.” You repeated it like a mantra, giving into the way she smiled at you as you praised her.

You cupped her jawline, running your eyes over her face thoughtfully like every detail needed to be memorized. The brunette felt her confidence raise with every loving caress you granted her.

Caitlin turned her head, leaving a lingering kiss on your palm, a silent reaffirmation of her gratitude.

TAGLIST! @lovermcres @glorioushamsterqueen @miedmead @blueagle45 @pbloverr @cavillary @elizabethkitley @1-800-fantasy @into-f0lkl0re @mysticchildsuit @sapphicmermaid

[808len808]

Noted

!Leon S. Kennedy x Male Reader!

summery: You always flirt with Leon, getting him all worked up for nothing, so when Leon finally got the chance to get you back he took it immediately.

Authers note: I've officially read every single Leon x Male reader fic, so I decided to tribute too like the good samaritan I am.

!Warnings!: nsfw themes, amab terms used for both Leon and Reader, Hypothermia.

(Words: 6,070)

The rain poured down like a thousand waterfalls, fog filling the air as you tried to find your way through the old abandoned village, Leon leaning on you, his hand clamped to his side as the rain and his blood drenched your black shirt in a mean color. You had to find shelter, to tend Leon’s wounds, to warm up in the cold winter storm. You were lucky there wasn’t snow involved yet, lucky that the mission was a success and that you were safe, sort of. 

You looked beside you, Leon’s feet slumped on the ground his boots brown and covered in mud his socks were already soaked and probably very uncomfortable. You praised yourself for getting water-resistant boots before the mission. Leon held his wound covering it the best he could after you told him to keep pressure on it. His face contorted into a painful look his eyes closing every once and a while as he breathed out shacky breaths. 

“Just hold on a bit longer”, you whispered although it was barely audible above the pounding sound of the rain.

Leon had been your partner for over a year now, working together on missions nonstop. 

The first time he got to work with you on a mission he was flustered non-stop, trying to shrug off your comments, and flirtations because you did and said it to everyone…right?

Well technically true, but you did like Leon, maybe not that much at first, but he kind of grew on you, and so did his blush.

Besides the flirty comments from you, you guys were a pretty great team, greater them most, hence why you were sent on missions together so much.

This brings us to where you and he are today, on a mission to retrieve some stolen virus, you didn’t have much details, just what it looked like, and you were supposed to bring it back in one piece for research. You had worked for the D.S.O. long enough now that you knew not to ask too many questions. 

The mission was supposed to be short and easy, you did the first part without any setbacks and finally, you were happy to wrap this up and go back to your apartment and relax. Maybe go to the bar if you are in the mood, maybe invite Leon to the bar? yeah, why not? You had formed a plan in your head already, it wouldn’t be out of character for you to ask him, your flirtations were honestly just part of your and Leon’s routine by now.  But your whole plan was destroyed when a storm came up making it impossible for the chopper to even get close to you and Leon. You were stuck.

Your relationship with your work partner was honestly fun, you were always happy to work with Leon, not only was Leon brave and sweet (and can kick like a mf). He was also funny, and ever since you started working with Leon you actually started to enjoy your job. 

Leon joined your team very early on at the age of 24, making you a bit more protective of him sometimes. "He’s just a kid", you’d say to your superiors every time Leon got dispatched on another life-threatening mission even though you weren’t even 3 years older than him. 

It started off as just harmless comments about Leon’s looks or just cheesy one-liners, eventually, Leon even started to form a few of his oneliners making you grin every time because yes they were bad, so bad that it was funny. But the more you were around Leon the more you started to care about him, even when you didn’t want to admit it, even when you thought you weren’t capable of ever falling in love, even when you didn’t want to, you’ve fallen for the guy, literally and figuratively.

The sun that had previously been shining was completely gone, you squinted your eyes trying to figure your the environment. The village that once was beautiful and would be a beautiful one to live in was now cold and decayed. The old cabins were barely holding up, especially with this weather. The wood creaked threatening to fall apart, even with centuries on its back the storm seemed to penetrate. 

Suddenly you spotted a house in the distance. It was bigger, the roof painted with green tiles instead of the straw roofing of the rest of the houses. The house is made of brick instead of wood standing steady in the rain. 

Your eyes darted back to Leon who still had a look of pain on his face.  “You’re gonna be okay”, you reassured yourself more than Leon, you weren’t even sure if he could even hear you, you’d be surprised if he did. 

You quickly made your way over to the house. You opened the door in a swift motion, your footsteps hard on the wooden floor as the water fell down on the ground with every step you took. The door slammed closed immediately the strong wind pulling it back with a hard smack. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding once the dry atmosphere of the house surrounded you. It was almost as if you had put headphones on that damped the environment, inside the house it was quiet, with no sign of danger. It was dark inside, you struggled to see anything. Your body was working faster than your head. You turned a corner leading up to the stairs, Leon was groaning in your ear as you almost dragged him up the steps. A slim hallway led to one door upstairs, you grasped the walls trying to stabilize yourself as you held on to Leon. 

The room at the end of the hall was as you suspected a bedroom. The sheets were a nice green the same color as the roof, this house seemed clean and new like the people had just left a few days ago. The sheets seemed brand new the wooden bed frame carved. You sat Leon down on the bed gently laying him down, not caring that his blood stained the sheets. “You’re gonna be okay”, you reassured again to which Leon responded with a grunt. 

The side of his abdomen did not look good. You got a few test tubes filled with herbs out and lit a candle on the bedside table giving off just enough light to see Leon’s wound.

You went to work immediately giving Leon a few sorry’s as you slowly lifted up his shirt. He was apparently horrible at staying quiet because with everything you did, he groaned or let out whimpers even after you numbed the wound he just couldn’t keep quiet. It was certainly something you would have to remember in the future.

“There ya go, all better”, you said as you wrapped up the wound nice and clean. Proudly looking back at your work, you were certainly no medic but it was less worse than you expected mostly because it was a fairly small cut and not that deep. 

“Thanks, doc”, Leon joked back to which you gave a wink. “I’m going to double check the house,” you said already standing up to walk away, grabbing your flashlight and toying with it in your hand. “You’ll be all right here?” 

“Yeah I’m fine”, Leon responded his voice slightly hoarse. “You’re always fine”, you quipped back with a grin and quickly left the room, missing Leon’s eye roll.

You thoroughly checked the house and even booted up the windows that were threatening to break with the gushing wind. Going back upstairs you tried to contact Hunnigan again but there seemed to be no signal. 

Leon was sitting up on the bed his radio in his hands as well. “Got signal?” You leaned back against the wall observing as Leon fiddled with the buttons. “Nope,” he sighed. Upon looking down at your watch you were shocked to find out it was already around midnight. The storm had combined day and night in one big tornado. 

“It’s getting late,” You ran a hand through your hair as you spoke. “You should get some sleep, let your body heal.” You walked around to the large fireplace placed in front of the bed, shoving some wood in and catching Leon’s eyes as you glanced back. “What about you?” 

“Don’t worry about me, get your beauty sleep”, you replied with a cheeky grin as you got your lighter out. 

“We can take shifts-“

“Not necessary, just sleep Leon”, you shot a look back cutting Leon’s sentence off. Leon let out a small scoff. But the bed shifted, and the small clang of a radio being placed on the nightstand was heard. You smiled to yourself as you sat down knowing Leon wasn’t fighting back anymore, leaning against the bed frame as you sat on the wooden floor. The fire illuminated the room in a warm color but left the corners dark and unpredictable.

The fire crackled over the sound of the rain against the one window in the room as a loud thunder erupted from the clouds. The fire was hot against your skin even when you weren’t even sitting close to it, it left a tingling feeling on your cheek as you felt your damp hair already dry together with your clothes. 

It was only then that you realized you were still wearing your cold wet clothes. It stuck to your skin as you tried to remove your tactical harness clipping it and letting it sit by the fire, you took off your belt, shoes, and socks as well as your shirt.

Even when your pants felt like hell right now you didn’t want to take them off, not with Leon in the same room. So there you were laying your clothes by the fire leaving you in only your cargo pants. 

“What are you doing” a voice croaked from the bed making you chuckle, you didn’t bother to look back instead staring into the flames. “Drying my clothes”, you responded. “Are you naked right now?!” Leon’s voice was high pitched which made you laugh. 

“Yep, I’m totally naked, dick out and everything”. 

“Are you being serious right now?!” 

You looked over your shoulder and could barely see Leon his face flush and turned away from you. Leon took the silence as an answer. “You weren’t serious were you?”, Leon sighed.

“You can check”, you invited keeping a strict eye on Leon to see if he would actually turn around. And slowly but surely you saw Leon’s head move just to take a quick glance. He immediately retracted his steps once he was watching. “You pervert!” You dramatically said taking a fake look of disbelief on your face. 

Leon covered his face with his hands hiding away from you. “How dare you!”, you placed your hand on your chest acting like you were deeply disturbed.

“You’re the one undressing next to me!” Leon said anxiously making you erupt out in laughter which he automatically mirrored.

“Go to sleep!” you laughed back. 

That night you didn’t sleep not that it mattered anyway because it seemed you and Leon were stuck. That’s right, you had watched the entire night with an aw-struck face as you watched the snow fall down. The ground was already covered with multiple inches of perfect white snow when morning came. And still, the storm went on and rain and snow came together with mud making the beautiful clear ice turn a dirty brown. 

By the time Leon woke up you had already gotten to explore the whole house finding enough food to last for at least a week, and by the looks of it, you would be stuck here for a while.

Leon and you kept tight in the bedroom since the fire was the only thing keeping you warm right now. You and Leon sat by the fireplace as you handed him some random can of soup you found and warmed up above the fireplace while holding one for yourself as well. 

“How long do you think we’re stuck here?”

You shrugged looking outside the window again the blizzard had covered the houses making the scenery seem nicer somehow. Specs of snow and ice slashed across the sky riding the heavy wind.

“For however long that storm is”, you lifted the spoon to your mouth softly blowing it before letting it touch your lips.

“And then just hope that we can get some sort of signal.” You sighed as you spoke the situation was really not looking good.

“We’ll figure something out”, Leon replied back hopeful making you smile. He was always more optimistic kind of funny how he can still be even now.

You sat in silence, sipping your soup while the fire brought warmth to both of you, sitting on the ground in front of the fireplace. It kind of reminded you of Christmas as a kid you’d sit in front of the fireplace waiting for Santa and playing in the snow outside later. 

Your eyes trailed back to Leon who was looking out the window, lost in thought as well. You decided it was time to strike up some conversation again before the silence became too much.

“How’s your wound?”

Leon’s head turned back to you and down to his side as if he initially didn’t know what you were talking about. “Yeah it’s fine”, Leon nodded as he spoke. “At least not infected so that’s good” he spoke with slight cheerfulness in his tone his hair moving with his head as he spoke. 

“You got lucky,” you grinned. “My very professional medical skills saved you.”, you said proudly. 

“Ah, yes, of course, where would I be without you?” Leon questioned back raising an eyebrow. “Probably Dead. So you should thank me honestly for saving you” You took another spoon of soup holding eye contact with Leon as you did. “Oh how will I ever repay you my brave hero”, he said putting his hand on his forehead as he dramatically spoke.

“Oh I certainly have some ideas”, you mumbled to yourself stirring your soup. Leon became quiet and you could quite literally see the redness slowly creeping on his face. 

After the wonderful breakfast soup, you and Leon decided to talk about a plan.

“I want to go outside and see if we can find any help” Leon announced putting down his knife on the downstairs table. 

You raised an eyebrow “You can’t be serious, do you see that blizzard?”

"Yeah well I want to check it out, maybe it’s not that bad, and maybe I can get a signal or something.”, Leon replied back sternly looking directly into your eyes with his blue orbs. 

“There’s no point, Leon, it’s best to just wait it out.”, you argued back, and your argument was true but to be honest you just didn’t want Leon to get hurt. 

“But what if they already sent help and they’re already here,” Leon placed his hands on the table leaning slightly as he looked up at you.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, sighing, already tired of Leon’s stubbornness. “You’re still injured,” you pointed down to his side. 

“It’s nothing, why won’t you just let me go?”, Leon was slightly raising his voice. You leaned back against the kitchen wall your eyes piercing Leon’s in a silent battle of who would look away first. “You could get hypothermia.” Leon just scoffed at that, leaning back as well, standing up straight as if to look more intimidating which he definitely didn’t, well maybe if you were shorter but you’re taller than him so it just looked kind of silly. (I can’t take short people seriously) 

“I’ll be back in less than an hour I promise,” You opened your mouth to speak but he interrupted you again holding up a hand to silence you. “And-, and I won’t go too far.”, he put on his puppy eyes which made you break away. 

“Fine,” you gritted through your teeth, ignoring how Leon smiled as he won the argument. “But if you die on me I’m gonna be real mad.”

“Yeah, yeah” Leon nodded putting on his jacket and backpack as well as all his tackle gear. “Be careful.” Leon gave you a firm nod before closing the door behind him with a loud slam.

The house felt even more quiet now. 

After an hour passed you started to get nervous he was supposed to be back already. It was stupid how much you were stressing out, walking circles in the bedroom profusely looking outside the window for any sign of Leon in the blizzard. You kept checking your watch over and over. When two hours had passed you started to freak out, contemplating if you should go out in the snow to try and find it.

Just as you were going downstairs to get your equipment and go after Leon the door opened.  Leon was standing in the doorway cold wind grasped your hair to stand up in your skin. Leon was absolutely trembling, not looking at you. 

“Jezus Leon”, you quickly ran over swiftly closing the door and looking at Leon to check for injuries. “Are you okay? You had me worried”, you patted down his arms checking to see if he was fine, he was he just seemed very cold, shivering. “Help” he breathed out, you quickly realized what was going on, you had even warned him about it. “Shit.” You quickly picked him up into your arm heading upstairs in a record of time, the fire was still going. “How bad is it?” You asked sitting Leon down on the bed and taking off his soaked coat that was covered in snow and ice by now. 

“I don’t know, one moment I was fine, and then suddenly-“ Leon groaned as your warm fingers touched his now naked arm. “Sorry,” you mumbled back. You got down on one knee and roughly got off Leon’s boots and set them aside. His socks were absolutely soaked you were impressed that he still had all his toes. “Can you move?” You stood up straight noticing how Leon was already staring at you when you made eye contact. Leon gave you a small nod. “It just hurts when I do.”

You held out your arm, signaling for Leon to balance himself with it if needed. “Stand up.” Leon leaned on you as you helped him get up. Your hands went down trying not to think of what you were doing, you were trained for this, it was protocol. But still, you couldn’t help but look away as you fiddled with the button of Leon’s pants, and then the zipper. You were trying to act as nonchalant as possible keeping up a stern face when in reality you were getting sweaty.

“You’re real stupid you know that?”, you asked going down in a swift motion to peel Leon’s wet cargo pants off. “I told you this would happen,” you continued guiding Leon to sit back down again so that you could remove his pants completely. “But you just had to check,” your eyes met his again he was blushing profusely hugging himself with his shivering arms.

“Lay down,” it was more of a command now because you were getting pissed off. Leon obediently did as you said laying down on the bed leaving enough room for you. After wrapping Leon under the warm covers and getting every blanket you could find you finally scooted up behind him trying to warm him as your clothes chest pressed against his exposed back. You couldn’t see Leon’s face but you already knew what he was looking like. You wrapped your arms around him, just like you learned in training, well maybe not totally but hey, this was life or death, right?

“Well?” 

“What?”, Leon questioned back confused as you kept spooning him. 

“Was it worth it? Did you find anything? Anyone?”

He stayed quiet for a while before finally responding. “No”

You scoffed and Leon could feel your hot breath on his neck as you did. “Then what was even the point”, you said disappointed.

Leon was getting fed up al this backlash from you only made him in an even worse mood, even when he was flustered with your arms around him he still found a way to be annoyed, or rather you found a way to be annoying. “You just got hurt for nothing”

Finally, Leon snapped he turned around. “Why do you care?!” His face was almost fuming but his eyebrows were scrunched up in confusion. You suddenly felt bad, and mostly embarrassed by the fact that his face was mere inches away from you. “Because-“ You couldn’t find the right reason even when there were a thousand you just couldn’t bring yourself to speak.

And the way Leon was looking at you right now definitely didn’t help, it stayed quiet Leon keeping strict eye contact with you while you kept finding other places to look at. apparently, Leon wasn’t faced at all by the fact you were so close and by the fact that you could just lean in and-

You noticed a change in Leon’s face his eyes averted down to your lips, and your heart raced in your chest. “I think we both know why”, you whispered making Leon look back into your eyes again while a faint blush painted his cheeks. He leaned in and immediately you did too, meeting him halfway into a heated kiss, even when his lips were cold you brought him all the warmth he needed.

You kept your lips connected with Leon as you propped yourself up on one elbow your head hovering over Leon as you penetrated Leon’s mouth, your hot tongue warming the inside of Leon’s mouth pulling out soft noises from Leon that went straight to your dick.

You tried to pull away to catch your breath or say something but Leon’s lips were on you before you could even process what was happening both his hands in your messy hair. You groaned as Leon pushed you as close as he could his body bare body pressed against yours under the sheets.

You pulled away again this time going straight for Leon’s neck, Leon’s head fell back into the pillow, and finally, you could hear all the noises he was making in his small pants and that soft whimper when you sucked too hard on his sensitive skin. 

It felt like a dream, because you had dreamt about it very many times maybe that’s why your brain had trouble processing the situation. 

“Fuck,” you groaned, “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time”

“Oh yeah how long?”, Leon breathed back, you looked back up, one of your legs between Leon’s legs, your senses were heightened as your lips trailed further down leaving wet open kisses on Leon’s now warm skin, keeping eye contact with the younger man. “You don’t want to know,” you replied with a grumble as you sat up on your knees your eyes averting to admire the view in front of you.

Leon’s muscles tensed his face red his semi-hard erection pulsing through his boxers. “How far do you want to take this?” You asked your knees between Leon’s legs. 

Leon rested his body on his elbows the bed shifting in weight as he did. “I want to take this however far it can go”

You grinned leaning back down to meet Leon’s lips again making Leon tilt his head further back to deepen the kiss. Your hand traveled down Leon’s abs going over his abdomen and touching every bit of skin that you could get your grubby hands on. You toyed a bit with the edge of Leon’s waistband just to test Leon’s patience for a bit. “Please-” and there you had your answer so you complied your hand slid under the fabric making a whine escape from Leon’s mouth.

You started panting yourself your heart beating loudly in your chest as your head dipped down to Leon’s collarbone nipping at the skin there as your hand started stroking his length. Leon closed his eyes his hot breath on your neck. Everything turned out hot and sweaty, you didn’t know how it was possible in this condition but it did.

“Ah, shit” Leon’s voice was raspy and much higher than normal his face had a pathetic look on it like he was just asking to be fucked with his eyes, which he probably did on purpose. You kept a firm rith knowing better than to rush yourself. 

The fire made small cozy noises in the background, and all of a sudden you were happy to be stranded with Leon because now no one could interrupt you, nobody could come and ruin your fun.

You smirked at the thought. “Fuck, please!” Leon mewled out.

“What is it, baby? What do you want?” You again leaned backward admiring Leon’s erotic expression, his lips slightly parted, he wasn’t looking at you almost as if he was ashamed. “Use your words come on Leon”, you grinned as your hand sped up making Leon sputter our more choked moans. 

“You’re usually so talkative..” you teased leaning closer to his face. “Spit it out baby” As much as you encouraged Leon still seemed like he wasn’t obliging. You raised an eyebrow as Leon stayed quiet. So you decided to take matters into your own hands or rather out of your hand. 

You redirected your hand out Leon’s underwear finally grabbing Leon’s attention.

“No, no wait” Leon tried to get your hand back, reaching out for your wrist but you dodged his grabs and clicked your tongue in disapproval. You sat back with a slight smirk sitting on the bed your eyes piercing through Leon as he hesitantly looked at you. “Please-“ “What?” Again you raised an eyebrow seating your hands behind you on the bed. “You’ll have to tell me if you want me to continue” Leon looked at you stubbornly his eyes following the messy sheets of the bed before they met yours again. His dignity was fading by the second and Leon couldn’t figure out whether he liked it or not.

Leon’s puppy eyes met yours as he sat in shame “Touch me,” he mumbled out your lips perked up. You could press him on for more but you felt satisfied with the small response Leon had given you. “Good boy”, you praised signing him over to you as you patted the space between your legs. “C’mere,” Leon happily obliged, he sat down his back pressed against your chest as your hands immediately went down his body again.

Your chin rested on his shoulder watching everything you were doing to that poor boy. “That wasn’t so hard now was it?”, Leon shook his head biting his lips as your hands caressed down again. “Words Leon,” you said gripping his shaft. “Ah! Yes, it-“Leon let out another choked moan his head falling back onto your shoulder his hair tickling the side of your face. 

Leon was trembling in your grip his legs shaking as you embraced him, your free hand found one of Leon’s tits squeezing the muscle, massaging slowly as your fingers crept closer to his sensitive nubs, your rough fingers teasingly rubbing circles around the red ring making Leon’s heart pound loudly. 

The house creaked slightly the stone walls keeping you safe from the cold and whatever the fuck else was out there. 

“Fuck-, please fuck me”, Leon said his words reaching your ears but going straight down. You wanted to fuck his tight little asshole so fucking bad, to make Leon feel you for at least a few days, to truly penetrate him. But atlas you were hesitant, you knew Leon had experience so did you, but maybe this was just not the right setting, you were still in a workspace, and above all that Leon had just recovered from hypothermia. 

“Lee, I’m not sure”, You said your mouth stuck to his neck like glue. “We don’t got any lube or anything, I don’t wanna hurt you,” you replied genuinely concerned. “I don't care just- please,” the corner of his eyes caught yours in an utter most desperate look. And how could you say no to that?

“So stubborn”, you mumbled with amusement. You let out a small sigh your hand slowing down and reaching up. You kissed Leon’s cheek and Leon turned his head back slightly so you could properly kiss him.  “Okay, we’ll start slow yeah? See where it goes”, you said making sure Leon heard every word. Leon nodded and you looked at him for a second waiting for him to catch on. “Right, yeah, words”, Leon nodded his head hanging. “yeah, no that sounds good” he answered with a boyish smile.

“Great, now open up.” Leon was opening his mouth to protest but before he could get a word out of his throat you shoved your middle finger and pointer in his mouth without any warning, well technically you did give him a warning.

Leon moaned around your fingers his eyes closing as his tongue swirled around your fingers, his mouth adjusting to the taste and shape. You looked at him with a face of pride as you let him suck off your fingers. Once you got bored with it and the top of your fingers were starting to form water wrinkles, you removed your fingers releasing with a small plop a string of saliva that connected your skin to Leon’s lips before you broke it and moved them down. 

You went with patients at least you tried to, it was hard when there was a get moaning and whimpering in your ear with every move you made. One finger slid in easily, Leon tensed and shook everyone and a while shivers rolled up his spine as your finger moved to stretch him out. “Relax” you mumbled soothingly in Leon’s ear. Leon was already panting his chest standing proud as he arched his back into your touch. “I’m trying” You believed him on that front. “I got you all right? So just…relax”

Leon’s head nodded as he agreed in a slur of yes and apologies to which you chuckled. Leon wasn’t used to this, it was slow and passionate, you were actually caring for him caring for his pleasure not just toying with him for your own gain. 

With two fingers you got Leon squirming on top of them he was getting impatient and you could tell he wanted more. “Please-, I’m ready”, he complained, you slowly removed your fingers your lips sucking on the skin below Leon’s ear. “I don’t know”, you started trying to think this through, maybe this wasn’t the best idea, fucking your co-worker on a mission. You started to doubt this whole hookup in a whole. “Maybe it’s best if we just stop here, no hard feelings-“ Leon shook his head almost violently. “No”, 

Leon turned around sitting on his knees across from you on the bed. You looked at him questioning. His hair was messy his lips swollen with many marks on his neck that would soon become bruises. “No?” You returned Leon’s words tilting your head.

“We’re still on a mission Leon”, you reminded him to which he rolled his eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said under his breath. “You’re only thinking about that now?” 

“Yeah,” you admitted with a small smile. Again Leon scoffed. He looked straight into your eyes as he moved closer. “You’ve been flirting with me since the moment we met” Leon crawled closer his hand beside your hip on the bed his face dangerously close to yours. “I know you like me” Leon continued full confidence. You gulped as you leaned back trying to create some space between the two of you. 

Leon ignored it, his hands going down to unbuckle your belt while you sat there totally in shock at Leon’s attitude.

“Leon I don’t-“ 

“Oh come all that big dick talk has to come from somewhere right?” With that sentence all your thoughts and doubts were thrown out the window you tried to fight it but Leon was quick to go down and shut you up, grabbing your length and pulling it out of its restraints. “Ah- shit-”

His next few moves were quick time blurted together in pleasure his hole aligned with your dick his hand at the base of your cock guiding you while your eyes followed his every move. Slowly Leon lowered down sinking on you as his thighs straddled your lap. Leon’s eyes rolled back his face going from concentration to pure pleasure in a blink of an eye. 

All you could do was dig your nails deep into the flesh of Leon’s ass as your mind became fogged with a big cloud of pure erotic pleasure. “Ah- fuck baby slow down”, you pleaded with grasps feeling how Leon’s walls hugged you tight squeezing you. “Shit!” Leon moaned as he finally bottomed out his head falling on your shoulder. “Fuck” He let out a small choked sob. His hips slowly roll down on you making you groan. 

His dick was squeezed between your body his angry red tip leaking into your skin, rubbing against the fabric of your shirt with Leon’s movements. 

Leon’s pace was sloppy his face concentrated, trying his best it was adorable honestly, but just not pleasurable enough for you. You decided to just take a tiny bit of control, beginning to guide Leon’s hips at a much steadier and faster pace. “Ah- fuck!” Leon’s head fell back his eyes going up in ecstasy as you fucked him back making sure to delicately grasp his sweet spot with every thrust. 

You could tell Leon was trying hard not to cum, his hands anchored on your shoulders sweat dripping down his hairline. His whimpers became more apparent the longer you went on. 

“You wanted this didn’t you?” You panted. Leon’s mouth was agape as he closed his eyes. “Mhm mhm” he nodded frantically. “Wanted me to fuck you like this” you continued beneath your breath. Leon let out a loud moan as you started to rut against his sweet spot, drool was at the corners of his mouth soft sobs leaving his mouth. “shit-shit-shit!” Leon panted his words slurring. “I’m coming- ah- shit coming!” Leon mumbled incoherent things as webs of white landed on both your abdomen, and your movements became frantic trying to race to your own release desperately. 

Leon’s forehead landed on your sweaty shoulder his hot breath on your chest as you finally released inside him. Holding his hips as you slammed your chock deep into Leon not caring that Leon was practically crying on your shoulder as you did. He let out high mewls as your movements slowly came to a hold. 

The both of you sat there in silence panting as you came down from your high. You wrapped your arms around him. “You okay?” You asked genuinely worried that you may have gone too far. Leon let out a small huff of a laugh which made you instantly feel better realizing you hadn’t totally ruined the relationship you had with him. “Yeah…that was amazing” 

You smiled at that sighing with relief. “Oh thank god”, your thumb rubbed small circles on Leon’s back. Leon let out a small giggle. 

After another while of silence and your dick becoming uncomfortable in the wetness of your own cum, you pulled out making Leon whence. You muttered a small apology just as you had done when you treated his injury a day ago. How times change huh?

You gave Leon a kiss on the cheek, you found some towels after rummaging the house, you cleaned off Leon and after that yourself. 

“I’m sorry that I can’t give you proper aftercare, you definitely deserve it after that”, you grinned covering the both of you under the blanket spooning him once again. “It’s okay, you can make it up to me when we get home” 

“Is that so?” You playfully squeezed him. To which he giggled cutely.

“I didn’t hurt you too much did I?” You asked your worries over taking you once again. “Not really and besides I like a bit of pain.” 

“Noted” 

[actual-changeling]

I have written many meta posts and s3-theories, and read even more, but I got hit by an idea I have not seen before. (If there is another post, please link it!)

After vibrating for an hour and losing my mind in my dms, I have no scraped together enough brain cells to present what is probably my first actual 'main-plot meta'.

Welcome to another edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner, today with a title to honour Crowley's James Bond obsession and the possibility of another heaven heist.

I give you:

From Jesus with Love - You Will Live Twice

Now, let's get right into it.

I think Neil might have told us more about the main s3 plotline in the announcement article than we previously thought. We all got stuck on 'they're not talking'—for good reason—but it is the part before that which has been bugging me ever since then.

The plans are going wrong—and this time that is a problem for earth and humanity. Turning that around, it means that whatever that plan consists of would be the way to go and beneficial for everyone, the opposite of the main plot of s1.

"They need to prevent the Second Coming (SC)" is pretty much the only and most popular idea I have seen, hundreds of fics and metas and whatnot have been written about it, but I think there's a good chance we're wrong. If we're not, well, I will honestly just be happy to be watching season 3.

Whatever the Metatron is planning will have negative consequences for everyone, or as Michael puts it: "And so… it ends. Everything ends. Time and the world is over, and we begin Eternity… forever and ever."

It sounds very much like Apocalypse #1 - Same Old Plan, same expected result, yet if we look at different interpretations of scripture we find that the SC is not entirely about complete destruction and death for all of humanity—it is about creating a new world/migrating to the kingdom of God.

This is taken from the Wikipedia article about the SC

Resurrection and life in a world to come are a direct contradiction to the result Michael is explaining—total annihilation of humanity.

Now, I am neither religious in any way nor have I ever received any sort of biblical education. Luckily, Christians seem to love talking about the bible because there are dozens of bible website to wade through. If I get anything wrong, please point it out, I have never touched a bible in my life.

So, after reading many, many quotes by a bunch of different guys, I tried to create a somewhat coherent picture of what the SC might look like based on the assumption that the end result is positive. I will talk about how they can be interpreted more in-depth later, otherwise this would turn into a string-net very fast.

Additionally, we can also see where these points overlap with the statement Jimbriel gave in the bookshop in episode three.

What is Jesus' job description?

only God knows when and how exactly it will begin/happen, no one else does, including Jesus and the Metatron

a lot of different catastrophes are mentioned or quoted as something Jesus said, like earthquakes and storms -> Jimbriel mentioned a tempest and great storms

there is also the line "All these are the beginning of birth pains." Birth pains dictate that there will be a birth—birth of the world to come perhaps?

dead people will be resurrected/leave their graves so that they too can be judged (I'd say participate in it but that sounds like the Second Coming is a summer camp activity)

there are also mentions of stars and the heavens in general falling from the sky and the sun going dark -> Jimbriel also mentions darkness as one of the signs

great lamentations, as Jimbriel says, are also a part of many different passages, with humans mourning the world as it was

the Lord will descent with the voice of an Archangel and the sound of a trumpet/the trumpet of God; the grammatical structure of that sentence seems to be interpreted differently depending on who you ask, but the voices of angels/an Archangel and some sort of trumpet are common terms

once everyone is in heaven/wherever the 'main even' will take place, a judgement call will be made for every single person in relation to the book of life, which decides whether they will be punished forever or not (one passage talks about a lake of fire and mentions it several times in a row)

And this is where it gets tricky. To figure out what the SC looks like, we first need to understand a) what the Metatron's capabilities are, b) what he has to lose, and c) what exactly would be a threat to him.

If you ask me, all of this comes down to the Metatron wanting to stay and be in power for eternity with full control over angels so he can do as he please, aka keeping the system running as it is.

We know the book of life (bol) is a thing in the Good Omens universe, whether it does what Michael said is an entirely different question. So far, we have also only got confirmation that hell collects and tortures souls—in such large amounts that they are understaffed—while heaven looks completely empty.

The Metatron runs heaven as an institution, he seems to be the highest power any of the angels have access to and the one they defer to. He refers to himself as the voice of God and combines judge, jury and executioner, making him one great celestial dictator.

From what we know of hell, they do things a lot more democratically, having different councils, dukes, and ranks that are responsible for different levels of command.

We also know that that the Metatron wants the world to end, his goals can probably be summarized as the statement Michael makes, which would leave him in charge without any opposing forces.

We also also know that he sees Crowley and Aziraphale as a threat—why exactly remains a mystery for now—and that the success of his plan hinges on having a Supreme Archangel (SA) he can control. Gabriel decided to become princess of hell and Beez' sugar baby, so he was out of the equation, and after the Armageddon disaster, I don't think he wants to risk failing because of an unfamiliarity with earth (plus, y'know, getting our two idiots away from the plan).

It's interesting to me that right at the end, he says to Aziraphale "We call it the Second Coming"—call, not it is or it will be, CALL. We know that nothing Neil writes is a coincidence, definitely not with such an important line.

Just because you CALL something a specific name doesn't mean it IS what you call it, e.g. Aziraphale calls Crowley a foul fiend when we know he very much isn't.

The Metatron is selling his plan as part of the "Great/Ineffable Plan", so any questions can be blocked by saying it's God's will, it's ineffable. Whatever his plan is, he hides it behind the concept of the Second Coming, which angels know just enough about to understand the basics without having in-depth knowledge of what exactly it entails.

It is a good fucking strategy, I'll give him that, and it WORKS because angels—even if they have doubts—do not question. They simply don't; fear of punishment and millennia of conditioning have left them in a horrible place. When they encounter something unknown, their response is "I already knew that" as to not ask questions.

Crowley questions, we know that, and Aziraphale, ohhhhh, Aziraphale ALSO questions, but he does it in a less dangerous and obvious way. The Metatron is vastly underprepared for that.

(Side note: That alone would be its own meta post, but the gist is that he questions heaven's plans and then adjusts his assumptions of what God might want to what he WANTS God to want, e.g. Job, the Arch)

To summarize everything I just said, the Metatron wants to do what Armageddon failed to do—destroy earth and the universe—so he can be supreme dictator of all remaining celestial beings and gorge himself on power.

But instead of calling it his Big Evil Plan, he calls it the Second Coming, making everyone play along without resistance.

We cycle aaaaall the way back to the sentence I quoted—the ACTUAL plans are going wrong since the Metatron's would mean total destruction.

But what is the SC supposed to be if not the Apocalypse 2.0?

When I look at all the different aspects of the SC and assume a positive outcome, then the end result to me would be a new world that is pretty much like the old world, or maybe even literally the old world but with any destruction reversed. Heaven and hell get dissolved since now that everyone has been "judged", they as institutions are no longer needed, they have fulfilled their purpose.

No more judgement means there is no reason to keep track anymore, so why do you need to run celestial corporations whose only job is doing exactly that? You don't—and THAT is what I believe is the biggest perceived threat to the Metatron, losing full control over everyone and everything, losing his position, his title, and whatever else he has.

On top of that, Good Omens has told us again and again that God doesn't seem to give a fuck about good and evil anymore, and that without heaven and hell being all wrapped up in it, humanity would have 100% free will without any consequences.

Maybe the BoL is empty, maybe it isn't real, maybe Jesus stole it to straighten a wobbly table, who knows. There is a chance it is what Michael says, but I would admittedly find that a bit. too obvious and boring since it would boil the plot down to "they save their own asses again" and not "they save humanity at all cost".

Regarding Crowley and Aziraphale's role in this—I have Thoughts TM but those definitely need their own post. In short, they have to get the SC back on track, the real one.

-

If you have made it this far, thank you for working through what I hope are more or less coherent rambles. Any spelling or grammar mistakes are my own.

Questions? Thoughts? Corrections? Expansions and additions?

Feel free to add to this post however you like (and I can't believe I have to mentions this but if you clown on my post or behave like an asshole you will be blocked).

[tgmsunmontue]

Never knew I was missing you 1/? WIP

Jake is just trying to find a connection. Shame the guy he connects with the most is lying about his identity online; because he sure as hell isn't A-list Hollywood star Bradley Bradshaw.

PART ONE

                Bradley hadn’t ever meant to become famous. He’d just been minding his own business, doing his own thing and adding some extra curriculars to his schedule to pad his USNA application when someone had sidled up to him after the school production and asked him if he’d ever considered doing it professionally.

                He’d been so confused he’d had to ask do what professionally?

                Act.

                Apparently, he has a flair for the dramatic.

                When he’d relayed this, Ice had rolled his eyes and looked at Mav and muttered I wonder where he gets that from and Mav had, for some reason, just snapped his teeth and then said truly a mystery.

                Bradley had just decided it was safer to ignore them and leave them to their dramatics, because who did they think they were kidding if they weren’t equally dramatic? So he figured he’d give it a shot. He had a year left of high school, and he could delay joining the Navy. Weirdly Maverick had been incredibly supportive, almost pushing him toward it, but he had left all his options open, and then… Well, he’d been asked to do a screen test, and then he’d done an audition and reading, which had then spiraled into being the previously unknown but now new-and-upcoming-star of Hollywood.

                All that is over ten years ago now, he’s closing in on thirty, regularly on the most eligible bachelor and sexiest men lists to his mortification, and he’s also considered one of the most billable actors. He was open about his sexuality from the start, despite his agent advising him against it. So he’d found a new agent, who had crafted a very well worded statement which meant that Bradley has remained scandal free because he’s… Well, he’s pretty boring really. When he takes people out on dates they seem to think he’s going to be like one the characters he plays, and are always a little (or a lot) disappointed when they realize that Bradley is just… well, Bradley.

                “I made you a dating profile,” Callie says, slapping his phone onto his chest and Bradley grabs for it before it can slide down and hit the floor.

                “You did what now?”

                “A dating profile.”

                “Yeah. Sorry, I got that part. I meant why?”

                “Because you haven’t left the house for anything other than work in three weeks.”

                “So? I’ve been keeping busy. Plus I don’t have trouble finding someone to date. When I actually want to go on a date.”

                “Uh…”

                “What?”

                “I’d like to hold up exhibits A through D. Your last relationship and the last three dates you went on. All fucking disasters. If not PR wise, then romantically and-or sexually. Disasters. With a capital D.”

                “And he wants another type of D!” Neil calls out and Bradley rolls his eyes, because of course Neil is chipping in.

                “Do I have an HR department? Can I report you both to HR?”

                “Nope. You’re stuck with us. Your fault for hiring people who know you’re just a giant nerd with no game whatsoever,” Callie says with a grin as she settles on the sofa beside him and shoves her cold feet under his thighs.

                Bradley groans, he hates it when they’re right.

…            …            …

                Jake flicks through the profiles, looking for something to catch his attention. He doesn’t need perfect looking bodies, or dick-pics, he sees enough of both in the locker room. Plus he gets plenty of unsolicited dick-pics whenever he’s horny enough to reinstall Tinder and got looking for something uncomplicated. Of course, as he’s gotten older he wouldn’t mind something a bit more complicated, but some people like having a partner or boyfriend that is around, and Jake isn’t a lot of the time. So his job can be somewhat of a deal breaker, has been in nearly all his past relationships. He reads over his profile and he should probably take out GGG if he wants to be serious about something more but… It’s still true.

GGG Flyboy looking for something a little more heavy duty than a ONS but only in town for six weeks.

                He keeps scrolling and then there’s a picture of A-list actor Bradley Bradshaw and he snorts in amusement. He sure as fuck wouldn’t be on a fucking dating app if he was Bradley Bradshaw. He reads the profile and laughs again.

Half-decent actor, boring AF human. Hobbies include avoiding social interactions with people I don’t know, pinball machine restoration and building model planes. WLTM genuine M or F for dating to something more serious.

                He’s got nothing better to do, so he fires off a message.

>>No way you’re actually Bradley Bradshaw. Catfishing is illegal you know.

>>But I am actually Bradley Bradshaw.

>>Yeah, and I’m a veterinarian and part-time fire fighter.

>>Pretty sure Bradley Bradshaw wouldn’t be admitting to the world that his favorite past times are building model airplanes and restoring pinball machines.

>>Also if you don’t like social interactions with people you don’t know then a dating app is NOT the place for you.

>>I like pinball machines.

>>Well. I like playing pinball. The machines are just kind of necessary for that and sometimes I need some quiet time.

>>Plus this app wasn’t my idea. My friend made my profile.

>>Sure buddy.

>>Your ‘friend’ has some mad photoshop skills though.

>>Legit looks like Bradshaw is working on that pinball machine.

>>That’s an original Lumet. And I am working on it.

>>Not the oldest one I have, but the one that needs the most work.

>>Sure. Okay.

>>So what do you do?

>>I’m in the Navy.

                Jake settles back, wonders if the guy has even bothered reading his profile.

>>Huh. Flyboy. Aviator then?

                There’s his answer.

>>Yep. What do you do?

>>Restore pinball machines and lie about my identity on dating apps apparently.

                Jake laughs, and at least the guy has got a good sense of humor, even if what he’s doing is illegal. Jake’s never been that much of a stickler and he’s not hurting anyone.

>>Also said you build model planes. What kind? Vested interest and legit first hand knowledge….

>>Wait, your username is Brad2lover? You’re a fan?

>>Yeah, hello, I’m not blind. Guy’s scorching hot. And yeah, I guess I’m a fan. But he can do whatever the fuck he wants when he’s not working.

>>Except restore pinball machines. That’s the step too far?

>>He wouldn’t be using a dating app to hook up.

>>Wouldn’t need to.

>>You’d think that wouldn’t you.

>>And not looking to just hook up.

                Jake rolls his eyes. He could fucking start be being honest with who he is, but he feels like he might as well be talking to a brick wall with as far as he’s been getting there. So he’ll talk.

>>Well, I am and I am not…

>>?

>>Vague.

>>Well. I’ve got six weeks leave. I’d like to find something more than hooking up, but most people need more than six weeks to want a relationship, so I’m…

>>In a catch-22 situation.

>>So going to try meeting someone on this app and get to know them and then… what?

>>You’re still going to be deployed again for months on end.

>>Yeah, no shit. Got to at least try though right?

>>Might get lucky.

[slowthypiglordblr]

Toh Theory: Will the Titan aid Luz in the Final Battle, and has he been helping her?

Throughout the course of the Owl house (especially after the revelations from S2b) a question has been in the back of my mind. Has the Titan of the Boiling Isles been secretly helping Luz this whole time?

A major element of season 1 and early season 2 was Luz’s uncanny ability to discover and utilize glyphs, something witches and demons didn’t know existed until then. In a matter of weeks, Luz had mastered all four glyphs, and would eventually learn to combine them in only a few months. While this also stems from her artistic ingenuity (and reading some of Philip’s journal), it’s almost like the Titan itself had been guiding her as a sort omniscient second mentor. On the opposite, it took Belos/Philip Witterbane years to figure out the gylphs even requiring Luz to teach his past self the light spell (her first glyph). He even speculated that Titan would have such knowledge to begin with and was actively sabotaging him to prevent him from threatening the people of the isles. It’s fitting that the self-proclaiming “Humble Messenger of the Titan” was actually a false prophet despised by the being he claimed to serve where as Luz was unknowingly the Titan’s true champion.

Another interesting thing in “For The Future” of all the Hexsquad, Luz was the only one to stuck in the rift (a place she had previously visited in Yesterday’s Lie). The spiritual figure (who I presume is the titan’s soul) is desperately trying to reach, even waving at her to get her attention. Whatever the reason, the Titan clearly wishes to speak with Luz specifically as if he needs her for something important. 

This is mostly just a guess on my end, but I’m starting to wonder if Dana has been hinting this connection from the beginning. During the countdown for the season 2 premiere, Luz is shown resting inside the skull of a giant beast which seems to greatly resembles a Titan’s head. Another art piece shows Luz playing with a massive paper mache King’s skull, wearing it and even sitting inside of it. 

In the show proper, in the episode “Thanks to Them”, Luz and Hunter adorn themselves with a King and Owl mask respectively to face what they think is Belos returned. While this was mostly helped to give Hunter a much needed confidence boost, it might also serve as a symbolic function in the narrative. Hunter is revitalizing a part of his former identity as the Golden Guard whereas Luz wears the likeness of someone she views as a younger brother for emotional support. It also may foreshadow Luz drawing strength from the Titan itself in order to be on par with the Collector as what Lilith mentioned in “For the Future”, Titan’s magic can negate Collector magic. (Makes you wonder if instead of a CollectorLuz, we got TitanLuz, but that’s probably just me.)

.Before we get into Titan’s plans for Luz, we need to take reflect on elements on the small tidbits of information revolving around the Titans in general. As we can recall, the Titans were once the ruling species of the Demon Realm for an unspecified amount of time. One day, the Collectors arrived on their crusade of capturing and taking over other planets for their own agenda. The Titans stepped forth to oppose the Collector and drive them back, with the latter alongside the witches and demons who worshiped them and sought their extinction. This would lead to a long and bloody war which ended in both sides wiping each other out, save a youngster from each opposing species (King and our Collector). 

During this period of time, it helps to shed a small light on the Boiling Isles Titan likely as a person. While we don’t know much about King’s father, it’s in the face of the war and the slaughter of his kin, a he sought to protect his son (the last Titan) at all costs. He created an island hidden away from the Collector through a protective sigil inside a massive tower which King’s egg would be nurtured. As a last line of defense against any intruder seeking to harm his son, the Titan created an army of golems made from flesh and bone to protect and care for King. This proves to us that regardless of circumstance, King’s father loved and cherished his son more than anything in the world, even before his own life. 

This leads into the reason for the Titan seeking out Luz, the answer is as simple as it is profound, to be there for King. Ever since Luz arrived on the Isles, she’s had a massive positive impact on the island and it’s inhabitants (despite her believing the contrary). She helped Eda reconcile with her curse and her sister, she helped Willow, Gus, Hunter, and Amity overcome their personal struggles, reforge their friendships and come into their own, as well as play an important role in stopping the Day of Unity. But one of major accomplishments was with King, at the start of the show, he was self-centered attention seeking child lost in delusions of grandeur who often caused a lot of trouble her and others around him. But thanks in part to Luz, King not only learned that actions have consequences and to appreciate what he has, but also resolve his own identity crisis and discover his nature as a Titan. If not for Luz’s influence would’ve never become the mature, responsible, empathetic boy he is by season 3. Through that, it’s easy to see why the Titan would see Luz as the perfect person to watch over King, as well the world he created in his own death. 

While the idea of prophecy and chosen ones does not fit the themes of the owl house, but take away the Titan’s preconceived divinity to the witches and demons of the BI and a new picture is formed. A father who in death left behind a world for his son to call home and a family to cherish, with Luz serving to guide him into becoming a good person in a way he could not. 

[amyispxnk]

I'd do whatever I could do

Summary - you're staying with Joel now, trying to figure yourself out and leaving the QZ to visit some of his friends

A/N: oh my god, I finally did it y'all - finally made the part two for this 👏 Also, I was going through the lyrics of this song and I kind of realised just how daddy issues Joel it is. I'm not gonna list them, but there are definitely a good few lines that stuck out to me. A part 3 might be simmering. We'll see.

Pairing: platonic/father figure!Joel Miller x f!reader (could probably be read as GN tho?)

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: violence, mentions of past abuse, PTSD, alcohol mention, language, angst, pet names, comfort, paternal issues, very brief mention of a gun

DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.

Part 1 here

You reckoned you had stopped really taking the words in a few seconds after he slammed the door behind him, immediately shrinking back into the couch where you'd previously been sat staring into space, whilst he told you things about his day.

Your eyes darted up at him quickly, lip quivering already. You still didn't know exactly why. Why small things like him touching you too abruptly, raising his voice (never at you, but for some reason it still affected you), loud noises like a door slamming, affected you. But they really did, and he'd come to notice it after only a few days of you staying with him.

--

He came back home after a long, difficult, tiring deal. Since your arrival and staying at his place had been so recent, his old habits remained. One of them was to practically shout and stomp his foot in anger as soon as he got back from a trade went south, a bad day out.

"Fuck!" He had gritted through clenched teeth as he threw his bag on the floor, deadset on getting into the kitchen to his whisky to muffle the frustration of the day.

You froze in complete fear and horror as he rounded the corner, his eyes immediately falling onto your trembling figure, clutching the little food packet in one of your hands as your own eyes stared back at him, bulging out of their sockets.

"Shit." He muttered to himself, taking a few steps towards you - not expecting you to immediately drop the packet and raise your hands in front of you, almost cowering before him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Joel p-please, I don't-" You stuttered, eyes welling up with tears as you flinched when he took another, more careful, step towards you, already apologising even though you didn't know what you had done.

"Hey, hey, hey. 's okay," he soothed. "C'mere sweetheart. It's okay." And somehow the sound of his voice, so gentle just for you, comforted you immediately.

You stepped into his open arms, body shaking hard with sobs as you choked on your own tears. "I'm sorry." You said, muffled into the fabric of his flannel.

"I told you it's okay. What happened, sweet girl?" He hugged you tight, right hand coming up to rub soothing circles into your back.

"I don't know." You murmured, unsure of what set you off so badly.

"It's okay baby, we'll figure it out. You're okay now."

--

That was the first time it had happened, now you were here again. He'd slammed the door, although he wasn't angry. It was just something he did out of habit to ensure it closed properly, but after he saw you shaking like before on the couch, his brows knitted in worry.

"What's wrong?" He asked, a hand coming to rest on your shoulder as you turned to face him slightly, jolting - not as aggressively as you used to - at the touch.

"Nothing. Just- you slammed the door. I think it's one of those.. trigger things you were talking about."

Naturally, Joel had racked his mind and scoured the dozen odd books he had in his apartment to try remember anything about this kind of mental health issue and the things you'd gone through, finally landing on some sort of PTSD. He'd explained it as best he could to you, telling you that the things like someone raising their voice at you and loud noises were 'triggers', things that reminded you of the times with your dad and made you feel that same fear you'd feel with him all over again.

"Right." He nodded, brushing your hair back and out of your eyes a bit. "'m sorry, sweetheart. I'll try not to do it again, yeah?"

You hummed a noise of agreement, making a space beside you for him to sit down on the couch.

He did so and cleared his throat. "Got some news," he began "'s nothin' big, really. Just thought you oughta have a bit of notice."

You turned to face him a little more as he looked up and met your eyes. "I have this deal, with a guy in Lincoln, and I'm due to go see him next week." He told you.

"So.. you're leaving?" You questioned, trying not to seem too hurt by it.

"No, no. I mean- if you don't want to come with me, then yeah, but I'll be back within the month. I just.. don't feel too safe leavin' you here." He explained, and you nodded.

"I don't want you to go. I'll- I'll come with you." You mumbled, and he gently tilted your head up to face him again.

"You're gonna be okay out there? Y'ever been out of the QZ before?" He asked. If you hadn't ever been outside then things could be quite difficult. It would be scary for a young thing like you. Not only that, but you had your triggers, and the gunfire paired with the infected would surely set one of them off - that's why he'd tried putting the entire trip off, but he had to go. That was how he made his living around here, he needed those supplies.

"Mmhm. I've also killed a few infected before, if you're worried about that. Not gonna be completely useless, I'd say." You said with a small chuckle, leaning into his touch subconsciously.

"Okay." He nodded, stroking your cheek gently before standing up and going over to the kitchen to make something for dinner. "And you're not useless, sweetheart, not at all."

-----

Bill and Frank. That's who they were. Bill was the guy he actually had the deal with, Frank was the one who'd convinced Bill to go along with it in the first place. Frank was the nice one, Joel had told you.

He'd explained a bit before you'd left and more when it came up in conversation as the two of you walked. In and out of forests, weaving between trees, trudging down dirt roads and kicking rocks, on your journey to Lincoln.

A journey that you still would've been able to complete within a day on foot, but that was before the apocalypse. Now there were buildings falling over eachother, and guards near your place of departure which slowed you down, and clickers and the likes which ensured you had to be completely silent in your movements, extending the time of your journey by at least 50%.

You watched as he slaughtered them all though. It should have scared you, at least a little, but it just amazed you. Admittedly, it had shaken you when you saw him completely beat one of the FEDRA guards to death when you were making your way out of Boston. You'd been caught, a guard that wasn't supposed to be there was there and Joel wasn't careful enough.

Things were almost okay, you probably could have haggled your way out of that situation, but when the soldier made a comment about you, a comment about what they might do to a 'bad girl' like you for sneaking out of the QZ, he had simply seen red. He didn't even know he had lunged for the man until he was on top of him, the crunch of the soldier's jaw and Joel's fist coming down on his face bringing him back to reality.

He was protective of you, and rightfully so, and you didn't even care how aggressive he could get with it. He wanted to keep you safe, and would go that far for it, therefore he cared about you. Someone actually cared about you.

"Okay, I think we're gonna stay here for the night." He said, pulling you out of your thoughts as you gave him a small smile.

"Okay."

You both set up a makeshift camp, eating whatever you could spare from your stash of food before getting ready to go to sleep - him denying your offer to take watch like he did before and he'd do everytime.

You sighed, walking off and quickly settling into the sleeping bag, melting into it and relishing the warmth it offered you as you hugged yourself to sleep, body heat almost suffocating you but in a comforting way.

--

When you woke up, you thought you actually were suffocating, throwing the cover off of you and crying out his name, the only person you could think of to save you. He was going to get you, he was back, he was coming for you and he'd never leave you alone, he'd take you from Joel and then he'd k-

"Hey, hey. That's not gonna happen, sweetheart, come on, come over here." You didn't realise you were saying those things out loud but it didn't matter as you crawled out of your sleeping bag, letting him pull you into his lap as he cradled you, rocking you back and forth as he kissed your head.

"It's okay, it's okay. Did ya have another nightmare?" He asked, voice calm and low as he tried to comfort you and calm you down.

You nodded quickly, sniffing and breathing erratically as you did.

"Sweet girl. It's okay now, it's okay." He reassured you, hugging you tight and pressing more kisses into your hair. "I won't let anything happen to you, you know that."

"I know." You said quietly, voice cracking as you wiped at your tears. "I'm sorry." You said, somehow in a voice even quieter than before.

He sighed, breathing slowly and deeply - something he knew helped, as he noticed you'd start breathing in time with him to ground yourself, regulate your own breathing during these situations. "Don't go and apologise when you haven't even done anything wrong, sweetheart. You're going through a lot and you're probably still processing everything that happened, it wasn't that long ago when you were still.." he didn't want to remind you of anything too sensitive, trailing off slightly. "Point is, it's all fairly fresh, and it's natural things like these nightmares are gonna be happenin', so don't apologise, okay?" He said, looking into your glossy eyes and brushing your tears away.

"Yeah. I'm-" You were already going to apologise again, making him frown slightly. "Thank you, Joel."

"It's okay. You try get some more sleep now, okay?" He gently helped you off his lap and pulled the sleeping bag back on top of your body, knees cracking as he got back up to walk away to where he was taking watch - when your voice called out for him again.

"Can you stay with me? Please, Joel? I'm just- I'm scared." You mumbled, face growing hot with embarrassment at how pathetic the question felt now you were speaking it aloud.

He pressed his lips together, turning his head to check the area once more before getting his own sleeping bag, placing it by yours, and resting his arm behind your head as you tucked your face into his chest.

"Goodnight." He said softly, stroking your hair slowly.

"Night, Joel." You mumbled into the soft fabric of his shirt, before passing out again, leaving him to lay alone with his thoughts in the cool night.

Thank you sm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated and requests are open! 💞

Tags - @rosierogie @jjlevin

[13eyond13]

23 + 25 for GriffGuts!

Omg thank you @ofdemonsandangels !! I'm v excited to get Berserk asks ♥︎

I'm not sure if the request is for the individual characters or just the ship or both, so I'm going to cover all my bases and answer for ALL THREE.

GUTS + favourite picture of them:

First thing that came to mind was his sword + moon pose! I just feel v fond of and oddly protective of and affectionate of him when I look at it. I just love when he's being all pensieve and secretly sentimental about stuff by himself...

GRIFFITH + favourite picture of them:

Hmmm. There's just something about the way Griffith's drawn in the later part of the Golden Age that I like the most. Def the biggest fan of his design when he looks like this:

His scary blazing eyes during the second swordfight in the snow really stuck in my head, and are some of the first panels I picture whenever I'm picturing Griffy!

GRIFFGUTS + favourite picture of them:

This fanart is pretty fantastic... if I didn't already know the pairing and saw it I'd probably be like damn, this looks compelling, who is that? 👀

https://www.tumblr.com/13eyond13/742518174586748928?source=share

BUT also so is this fanart (got those scary blazing Griffith eyes down perfect, and also ahhh the wings and the scratches on Guts' back!!)

--

GUTS + what was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I first started reading Berserk at the end of 2023 without knowing much of anything about it other than it had a character named Guts with a huge sword, that some fans shipped him with a character named Griffith, and I had heard that the art style was apparently pretty amazing and crazy as well. I fully did not expect to like Guts that much or relate to him that much going into things, and assumed he'd be a super boring edgy hyper-violent macho 80s meathead muscleman without much personality. And upon reading the first few chapters I certainly wasn't feeling extremely fond of him yet (especially during stuff like the very opening scene where he's banging some demon lady and then killing her, which once you actually get to know him is like one of the most odd and out-of-character things for him to do, and I think shows Miura hadn't really figured Guts as a character out totally yet). It actually didn't take THAT long for me to realize that there was more to him than that and to warm up to him a lot, though. Even partway through the Black Swordsman Arc I feel he started intriguing me with some of the more unexpected stuff he was doing and the mysterious hints about whatever had taken place in his past that was currently haunting him so much. And certainly by the time you start seeing his childhood memories and the Golden Age and getting to know why he is the way he is I was feeling very attached to him and invested in him emotionally! He's by far my fave of the bunch, and he just feels very much like a living breathing being to me in canon much of the time. One of my all-time fave characters now.

GRIFFITH + what was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I knew basically nothing about Griffith going into things initially. He came off pretty goofy as Femto to me initially, so at the start of the Golden Age I remember just being like, omg so how does this pretty femboy guy become that weird bitchy Batman in the labyrinth that Guts ends up hating so much? 😅 I also did not expect him to be so outright gay for Guts as he is in the manga, and had previously assumed the fandom's shipping of these two was probably based mostly on your typical barely there homoerotic subtext or whatever. Very surprised to find there was just so much blatantly going on there in the text and that it was basically directly discussed by the characters and almost written like a straight-up romance, and all of this stuff seemed very intentional and deliberate on Miura's part to me too. I remember especially being impressed by how bold Griffith was about just straight-up announcing his interest in/attraction to Guts to his face (and how much Guts actually seemed to be into him back too, even if he's a bit slower and more shy and furtive about it – which to me is much more unusual than having a queer-coded villain guy expressing obsessive interest in the male protagonist – he usually isn't also equally interested back like that!). I think Griffith is at his most interesting to me during those early parts when he's being very upfront about his emotions with other characters and a bit vulnerable like that, especially because we spend so much of the rest of the story only ever seeing him from a very guarded and emotionally closed-off dead-inside sort of distance as a character. He maybe isn't my favourite because I don't relate to his personality that much, and sometimes his ethereal otherworldliness and mysteriousness made it harder for him to feel as real to me as the others do – Guts and Casca often felt a bit more human and down-to-earth and easier to emotionally attach myself to and to know things about for sure, so I found myself caring about those two the most whenever I was reading it. And then of course there was a long stretch of the story there where Griffith genuinely shocked and appalled me with what he did to everyone (I had zero spoilers for what was actually going to happen during the Eclipse and did not expect it to be anything nearly as bad as what happened lol). At times I really loathed him and got super angry at him as a character, but I also appreciated that he drew such strong emotional reactions from me and was always making the most interesting things in the plot that I actually care about happen, too. Whenever I was super mad at him I would be furious every time he showed up and did literally anything onscreen, yet also would get so frustrated and bored and antsy whenever he would disappear for hundreds of chapters at a time, too 😅 I feel like that made it much easier to understand why he drove Guts so crazy, because I was being driven a bit crazy by him too... Can't live with him and can't live without him! I remember finding Guts the most interesting character in canon when I was actually reading the story, but I find that Griffith is the most fun one to think and talk and speculate about with the other people in the fandom after the fact. I appreciate him a lot now as an interesting character and an antagonist, but he isn't exactly a beloved blorbo to me the way Guts is so much as he is the guy I like to rotate on a spit in my mind and listen to other fans talk about and to contemplate the most, maybe?

GRIFFGUTS + what was your first impression of this ship? How about now?

All I knew is that a few of my DN mutuals who I think have good taste liked the ship, which made me mildly interested to see what I thought about it myself going in, though I didn't really expect to be that into it myself. Then I was taken aback by how strongly the story seemed to be actually based around the relationship between these two and how actually gay it was between them both, haha. I was conflicted a bit about it and whether or not I actually cared to ship it as I was reading it, particularly because of the grosser stuff that Griffith does during the Eclipse really putting me off him for a good chunk of time. But I think after I finished the manga and sat chewing on it a bit longer I kept wondering how the story might have changed if those two had been able to communicate a little better with each other and make some different choices and have some important realizations pre-Eclipse. It's one of my absolute fave tropes as well, the codependent besties that maybe actually both secretly have feelings for each other that then turn into enemies, when you can also see that maybe they probably actually could've easily turned into lovers instead. And I just feel like at the end of the day even though it's clearly never going to be a happily ever after or whatever at this point that I think they both still kinda love each other too, whether or not they admit it or whether anybody approves lol. It's one of those ships that to me is just like, why do I ship them? IDK bro, because they ship themselves... ask THEM why they're still into each other even now and even despite everything... I feel like I'm just simply sitting here listening to what they're saying and picking up what they're putting down lol

[character ask meme]

[lefluoritesys]

Deinfluencing DID? Cool

TW: injuries, dissociative seizures, fainting, general health problems, medication, abuse, forced switches, religion, burdning things down, mentions of rape

Our room is a mess, dirty laundry everywhere, clothes are not hanged up and thrown on our bed, we haven’t cleaned our table, and barely ever vacuum or clean anything else. Why? Nobody wants to do it, plus we have ADHD that's interfering eith daily tasks as usual.

Our host forgot to tell our partner system they sprained our wrist. They sprained it January 30th. Told them, by accident, on July 11th.

Speaking of sprained limbs. Our co-host & persecutor-caretaker sprained our foot because they were stupid and weren't looking at where they're going. Resulted in missing a step on the stairs. They got a yelling lecture from our host (very loving lecture), and what did they do? Called the thing we had to wear on our leg "foot prison." Nothing else.

We got sick... I wanna say 2 days ago (memory issues). How did we do that? I don't know. What are we gonna do about it? Idfk, why are you asking me, we have like one medicine we take, but other than that-

Whenever people tell us that we're a minor and shouldn't be researching/reading stuff involving sexual topics, our sexual alters' immediate response to it is "if they wanted us to act like a child, they shouldn't have let us get raped when we were 4."

We suspect we have dissociative seizures. When things around us are overwhelming, we can very well just faint. Still conscious but unable to move or speak. Everything we hear during it will be forgotten. And those of us who are not host and co-host can faint because simply being in the body for too long is overwhelming.

We forget to take our meds that prevent us from fainting fully. Teenage thing, but our blood pressure drops unexpectedly, and we might pass out. Does the threat of literally dropping in the middle of the day, for which we had previously gotten admitted to the hospital, work? No. It's not happening rn, so-

Outer world is being run by 5-6 people (alters) who are not equipped for the outer world shit. Dealing with parents? No. School? So-so. Basic biological needs? Who needs those, am I right? /j

A while ago, we found a spider near our room, and we are all, collectively, terrified of spiders. Who did we push to front to deal with it? Our co-host, who hates/is scared of them more than all of us combined.

We have a factive of our mother in the system who fused with a Ballora fragment. Like, yk, the person who potentially abused us most in our lives is their source. She's currently in inner world therapy and is actively getting better. And we are learning to separate her from her source.

When we first figured out we were a system, our host was so stuck and so determined to find out more about our alters, we had to force switches to happen, and for a while thought we were actually faking. I'm aware that that's exactly what DID/OSDD is supposed to make you feel like, but others literally could not front sometimes without being physically forced out. Moreover, we didn't even know how switches were supposed to feel. Everything felt fake. How did we accept it? Pushed through (quite literally) and focused more on the exciting parts of it, rather than sad.

Speaking of first figuring our about our DID, we filmed many videos of our switches when we felt them coming, and alters introducing themselves via filming. We are now looking at them and both cringing and feeling nostalgic.

We still sometimes want to be a smaller system because it feels like it would have been simpler, and we would love to have all members of the system get along. But we also know our brain created us the way it did for our survival, and our nostalgia about "simpler days when we only knew 4 people" is a romantization. This is the first time we have actually had a semi-stable environment in 2 years.

The only one who celebrates the body's birthday is our host. Everybody else has their own birthdays either from source or made-up. We still celebrate them. Today (September 14th) is, in fact, one of our alters' birthday.

Our host and co-host have a child-parent relationship (respectively). A while ago, they were in co-con, listening to a song. Our co-host was holding our host to their arms in front piggyback style, was hugging them and rocking them back and forth. Why? For comfort. Because they're family.

Are we all collectively doing schoolwork? Nope, lmao. Doesn't work for us like that, we simply don't have memories of most things we studied since like 4th grade, can't get them either. Our host used to do all the schoolwork, but they got so much trauma from school and homework that now our co-host is in charge of it. And only them unless it's Japanese. And even then, it's a big maybe. Nobody wants to, so we created a schedule that works for us and our switches when it comes to studying.

Did I just have to look up where I was going on the metro because I realized I have no memories of it other than autopilot, and I am doubting whether I wanna leave on the right station? Yes. Yes, I did. Am I gonna be fronting when I reach the destination? Nope.

A while ago we burned down an inner world kingdom. Why? Idk, we just didn't like it. Who cares anyway?

One of our prosecutors bought premium on one of the apps we use, and they didn't get in trouble for it only because our host liked it. We're still using it to this day.

We have a system quote book.

Everybody in this system is pagan. I might be the only one not, and even that's a big maybe.

We really wanna watch Elemental but can never get around to it. Also, Nimona, although we have a good reason to postpone watching it.

We haven’t brushed our teeth in 2 weeks. Did yesterday like once. When's gonna be the next time? Who knows? :D Hygiene issues are real.

On Halloween, we're probably gonna watch FNaF Ruin the entire evening-night with our sibling.

Our ex-host is so unhinged that we have to watch them whenever they front like a hawk.

We are not a perfect system. Any blog you see, no matter how real it seems, doesn't reflect day-to-day experiences systems have. Most posts, generally, are made with strong emotions in mind, or for aesthetic purposes, or for venting purposes. I repeat what has been said before a million times: don't trust everything you see on the internet. People are real, but they are not going to let you know anything personal about them.

Honestly? Not sure why I wanted to make this post. Not gonna give you a reason either because I don't know it.

I am currently going to get cocoa and push our co-host to study. Have a good day, y'all. ✌️

-sexual protector

[lostdrarryfics]

THE BIG FIND 2023: Day 8

The Big Find is a 10-day long Drarry fic-finding marathon to celebrate the blog’s anniversary. Below is the Day 8 compilation of lost fics, both old and new, that we’ve been unable to find. Our aim is to get as much attention to these lost fics as possible, to help people finally find their missing fics! Anyone can participate by reblogging, reading through each list, providing additional fic details, and informing us the title, author, or link of a fic, and their respective number in the comment section. Happy finding!

8.1 Draco really liked Harry but Harry kinda liked Ron I guess. Draco guessed it by saying “You love him (Ron), don’t you?” to Harry and he said yes (I’m sorry if it’s not right). It’s TopDraco and BottomHarry. Harry only called when he wanted sex with Draco. Draco kinda got fed up so he asked why is he like that. Draco decided whatever between them has to stop but Harry disagreed. Angst, a lot of angst and written in Draco’s POV and still on going last time I checked on AO3.

8.2 This fic is not about church I think, and I could not find it on ao3 by the ‘church’ tag definitely, however, I remember that Harry is surprised that Draco went to church and he’s told that it was a pureblood thing - to go to church on Sunday, etc - and Neville told him that he went to the same church with Malfoy when they were children and that is how they knew each other. It is on ao3, though I am not fully sure, probably it is a tumblr fic

8.3 I’m not sure if it was posted on AO3 or just on Tumblr. It was before drarrymicrofic prompts started so I’d guess somewhere from 2015-2019 (2016 or 2017 is best guess), but probably under 1k words (2k would be the max). Fic has MCD and drug use. Written from Harry’s POV (likely 3rd person) with minimal dialogue. After the war, Draco and Harry are both struggling to adjust, turn to drugs, and end up spending time together at clubs/hooking up to escape their thoughts. The drug that they’re into could be fairy dust or something magical, but I’m not too sure. Somehow, Harry starts to get better, starts feeling hopeful about life, is ready to fight his addiction, and is excited about his future that might even include Draco since he’s grown fond. Harry goes to a club one night, ready to talk to Draco about getting better, and makes eye contact with him on the dance floor. Draco falls to the ground and ends up dying of an overdose. There’s a line at the end about Harry seeing the light leaving Draco’s eyes as he hit the floor that always stuck with me because the fic is about falling into a dark place, starting to see the light, and having the light abruptly turned off.

8.4 fic that i read on ao3 around 2021, that i can’t seem to find for the life of me. Its a post hogwarts fic where draco and harry are married and their kids are James, Albus, Scorpius, and Lily. The plot is Lucius comes to live with them after Narcissa dies and he hasn’t really met the kids before but they were close with Narcissa, and it’s from the perspective of the kids per chapter.

8.5 Harry is like a magical painter/designer and paints a room for Teddy/Scorpius? All I really remember are that the paintings moved and included mythical creatures. I also I feel like it had bottom harry in it, but who knows. I believe it was on ao3 but was possibly on FF. I read it mostly likely 3-5 years ago but could be longer. I think it was multi-chaptered and definitely longer than a one shot. I think Harry had painted rooms for Rose and Hugo previously as well as a playroom for teddy and maybe even rooms for Luna and Rolf’s kids? And Draco’s kid really liked the paintings all his friends had and asked his dad to get him one. Mystical creatures in the paintings included dragons, unicorns, flying snitches, etc.

8.6 I can’t remember much about the extension or if it had a second part, but it’s not totally drarry. It’s a fic I read on AO3, Albus’ POV. The Potters have a room (maybe?) at home and there you could play a fantasy. Albus discovers that Harry had an affair with Draco when they were young.

8.7 Harry wants to bring Sirius back from the veil, and Draco is an Unspeakable so Harry goes to him for help, and they eventually succeed (and fall for each other), but Sirius comes back as a baby that they end up raising together alongside Teddy?

8.8 i remember it was about snape and petunia helping harry run away/being on the run and sort of adopting him? i dont remember if snape/petunia was actually romantic in it tho. it was on ao3 and i remember hearing ab it from the author in the notes of another drarry fic (i thought perhaps it was by shanastoryteller but i cant find anything about it so either not them or perhaps it was deleted) it would probably be a wip and i remember wanting to start it last year when there was like 2 chapters out.

8.9 looking for a drarry fanfic from way back, like 2002. I remember the one with the scene where there was a party under the house and they had spin the bottle but there was a line that connected between their lips and don’t go away until they kiss. All I can remember about it was the intro of draco showing up at Harry’s place because his dad was going to kill him. There was the party with the games improved by the twins. Some significant rings were exchanged that had jewels in them that could tell if they were still alive. Also they used to climb into a portrait above their beds and it took them to a secret room so they couldn’t be killed in their sleep. Aka private room for gay sex.

8.10 fic I read a long time ago. It was on AO3 I think. Basically Harry and Draco has this long standing arrangement where they would set up trap/escape rooms to challenge each other. I believe they set it up at Gringotts. They don’t actually know who each other are, they just go by an alias. Harry sets up a room using some kind of instant darkness powder, one of the Weasley wheezes and finally defeats Draco. I believe Harry is an Auror while Draco is an unspeakable. This was a case fic too, and they were somehow put together on an international intrigue case. To resolve one of their issues Harry brought out the instant darkness powder and that was how Draco finally recognize him as the other challenger.

8.11 been trying to find this fic i read so long ago. i’ve been searching for soo long. it’s one where harry and ginny go to a masked ball thing where everyone just plays out their fantasies and harry meets this guy who he does it with. and the guy happens to be draco. also ginny gets double penetrated

8.12 looking for a non-magic au fic where Harry is a thief and he spends a long time scouting out this rich house (with Draco and his family living there) he wants to steal from. One day, he climbs up the side pillar when he thinks the house is empty to enter through a balcony. He sees that Draco’s actually there (they don’t know each other) - he’s beautiful but he hasn’t left his room or touched someone in years. Harry keeps revisiting despite himself and gets Draco to open up to him. They date.

8.13 I can’t remember if it’s an 8th year fic or a rewrite of sorts. But Draco is at hogwarts and befriends the golden trio + luna + Ginny and for some reason I have this memory that in the midst of it all they decide they want to become animagi? And that at some point they come to the conclusion that they’re avatars (for lack of a better word, I guess heirs) for the original founders of hogwarts.

8.14 The magical world is getting itself known to the muggle world, which causes problems and then when a representatives meeting between both sides was held, Harry was surprised to find Draco representing the muggle side after getting exiled from the magical world. I forgot if Draco lost his magic or not. I remember it being a very long one-shot. And I think its quite an old fanfic around 2012-2017s.

[loopy777]

I apologize if you've answered this question before, but what are your general opinions on Faith Erin Hicks's writing vs. Gene Yang's for the Avatar Comics? Hick's seems to be significantly more faithful to the characters from my perspective, but I've only read a couple of her works(Suki Alone and Azula in the Spirit Temple). On the other hand, I'm not blown away with ideas behind these comics, with Suki Alone particularly failing to do anything remotely interesting with Suki's character.

You know, I don't think I've ever posted anything on Hicks's comics in general. I've 'reviewed' individual comics of hers, but never spoke on her overall level of writing, characterization, and/or style.

Basically, I think her work is infinitely superior to Gene Yang's in every way while never quite hitting a home run.

What's become an outlier to her overall body of Avatar work is the first thing she got to write for the franchise (although she'd previously drawn a short story that Yang wrote), the Imbalance trilogy. I think she absolutely nailed the characterization of the gAang, created intriguing original characters, wrote dialogue that sounds like something human beings would say while also capturing individual character voices, and successfully depicted a world that has progressed beyond the cartoon's finale. I also think it's the only thing in the franchise that successfully engages with the idea of Aang's ability to take away bending.

But that story was also hobbled by being an explicit prequel to LoK, saddled with that nonsensical Bender Vs NonBender conflict. Hicks did a fair job trying to explain it and manifest it, but it's still mostly nonsense if you stop and think about it for a second. We also have an eye-rolling moment where Toph discovers how great it is to fight with metal cables, but at least it's a quick moment that wouldn't have stuck out if the narrative hadn't stopped to call it out.

I also think the final act of the comic was a bit of a fizzle. I can't say anything is really wrong with it, and it doesn't try to resolve things by claiming all the problems are solved forever, but it still feels like it doesn't quite live up to the questions and conflicts it raises in the first two parts and ultimately ends in a non-surprising way. It's not bad, just a bit underwhelming. I never got around to reading the final part of Hicks's Nameless City trilogy, so I don't know if that's common for her. But, you know, it's far from the worst thing in the world to be a storyteller whose worst trait are endings that merely satisfy instead of wow.

Unfortunately, this is around the time the franchise decided that new cartoons are back on the menu and Avatar Studios is a thing, so all of Hicks's other work has been hit hard by the company mandate that Absolutely Nothing Matters Unless It Is Animated. So I can quickly zoom through the rest of her oeuvre with a + and - for each:

Katara and the Pirate's Silver + A cute little adventure that nails Katara's character. - There's not enough material here for the full pagecount, so a separate and very stupid subplot with the rest of the gAang is thrown in to absolutely no consequence.

Toph Beifong's Metalbending Academy + There are some amusing gags here. - This is hit hard by the one-two punch of being saddled with a lot of characters created by Gene Yang and also dealing with lore created by LoK.

Suki, Alone + A great little character study of Suki. - Utterly pointless and even goes out of its way to provide absolutely no confirmed details about Suki's family.

Azula in the Spirit Temple + Exactly the story Azula needs at this phase in her arc with delightfully solid characterization. - So open-ended that the next Azula story can easily ruin her character again, thus it feels more like we're poised to take the next step rather than actually taking it.

When all we're getting is stuff designed to be as inconsequential as possible, not matter how well-characterized, it's hard for the stories to feel like they have an impact. Now, I'm not saying I'm against the concept of 'filler,' as they can be great episodes, but the problem is that these comics are dealing with characters whose arcs have already been fully detailed for us, the audience, and we've already seen the characters' best stories. We're treading ground that's already been covered, and it takes a very clever storyteller to really wow with that kind of setup. Hicks, while a good storyteller who gets the characters and franchise, has never shown (at least in what I've read of hers) that snappy kind of cleverness.

Ironically, Gene Yang has -- consistently -- in his original graphics novels that I've read. But he really did not bring it to his Avatar stuff.

So, overall, I like Hicks, and while her comics don't excite me in the way the novels do, I'm so traumatized by Gene Yang that I relish getting stories about the gAang with good dialogue and no stupidity like expecting me to believe that the Rough Rhinos pose a threat to post-finale Aang.

[aeonophagic]

I was going back through some of APHO and parts of Joey and Void Archives' conversation in Joey's A Rating stuck out to me, and since I know that the APHO translation in particular is really rough I asked one of my friends who knows Chinese to retranslate any parts that seemed off to them in the official ENG translation a couple of these retranslations (and even in the OG translation) are interesting to me in terms of their implications, and I was curious what you may think of them, as you are kinda the de facto Void Archives person; I've got my own interpretations, and if you'd like we could discuss them in DMs or something (these are taken out of context so going back through the convo itself might be a good idea) original: "The voice fell silent. Joyce felt a familiar attachment. It reminded him of his father."

original: "There was a sorrow in its voice as though it was lamenting for a distant past."

original: "'You' and I used to be something else. 'You" are now hiding in a child's body, just like how I hid in another."

(this one could definitely be about the general Otto thing but some of the other lines make me wonder if it could be something else) original: "I wanted to see you one last time before I see you off. I started this story 50000 years ago."

there are a couple more, but they're mostly just better wording; I can send them too if you'd like

if by any chance these things are explained elsewhere in the story, and/or you have discussed them previously, I'd appreciate if you could tell me where and also my bad lol

First of all, I really appreciate you showing these to me!!! The “sense of closeness only felt from a father’ rather than “reminded him of his father” is so… I’ve always thought Void Archives to be bad with kids, but this makes me think otherwise. All of these lines manage to give a slightly different meaning when translated properly (so I want to say thank you to your friend too!)

THIS ONE GOT ME THOUGH. MOUTH WIDE OPEN, JAW DROPPED TO THE FLOOR, EYES WIDE, LIKE ACTUALLY, I WISH YOU COULDVE SEEN MY FACE

“You are the story I started 50.000 years ago” is entirely different from “I started this story 50.000 years ago” as it was translated in the game. I don’t know what to think of it, because we know too little about Void Archives’ past- it’s given to us in fragments, vaguely stitched together pieces of a puzzle someone’s abandoned, so no, these are not explored in the story, not at all! There’s clearly bigger things going on with Void Archives that we haven’t gotten to know because of a bunch of (redundant) Hoyoverse writing choices,

I’d appreciate seeing the other ones too! It doesn’t matter if it’s just slightly better wording- I like seeing how things differ from the translation to the original since I speak two languages but unfortunately neither of them are Chinese.

For anyone else reading this I have the bit of this story easily accessible here

[amelias-zelda-calamity-quintet]

Goddess of Secrecy & Mark of a Hero: Should You Read Both?

Ok, I know I've talked not amazingly about GoS some on this blog so far. Most of that is because I'm stuck in the middle of edits with it and so you know. My opinion of it isn't the best right now.

That said, I do still adore GoS. It's a story I'm proud of. It's a story I will be prouder of after edits. And it's a reflection of my growth as a storyteller. I'm sure the chart of what that looks like is interesting with the hiatuses mixed in there, but here we are. And on top of that, GoS was/is really well liked over on Wattpad. It is creeping up on 300,000 reads and it didn't get there for nothing. Is it big? Yeah, absolutely. It's got nothing on MoaH though in size. GoS will likely reach about 500,000 words by the time it's done with edits. MoaH hit that word count at the end of act 3 of book 2 (of 9).

That said, GoS & MoaH do share lore connections. MoaH continues GoS's timeline with the most interconnection of any of my fics (they are all generally on the same timeline, but really only GoS & MoaH focus on it). Now, MoaH is standalone, you don't have to read GoS to enjoy MoaH's lore. But. If you have read both, the lore does expand on each other. There are also easter eggs in MoaH based on GoS (a non-spoiler one is that GoS's Sages are on Hart's cards in their oracle deck). If that's something you enjoy, GoS is slowly releasing chapters in its first phase of edits onto AO3 now as well as the chapters are being edited and released on Wattpad with banners, I will be putting out announcements as we get through to the end of dungeons (~10 chapters). It is at probably its most approachable point right now as it goes through phase 1 edits. They said about the 197 chapter fic, I know, but like. It is at its smallest right now. I'm aiming to get 2-3 chapters out a week, so it's gonna add up eventually.

I like to think that GoS is to MoaH lore-wise what The Hobbit is to The Lord of the Rings. A more kid friendly, shorter, and tonally very different prequel to the main series it follows. Can you read one without reading the other? Yes. Are both expanded by how they interconnect? That's the goal. I mean, if I'm gonna put out something massive like this, I ought to at least make sure y'all get some fun out of it for reading both.

And to answer the phase 1 edits thing real fast, I realized very quickly into GoS that I was going to have to break up edits into two parts. Phase 1 is "What the fuck did I write 12 years ago" where I rediscover some of the things this brain at 16 years old thought was a good idea to write and publish. Some of these things are the reason we're putting out phase 1 immediately over waiting to get through phase 2 for releases. I don't want the original text to exist anymore. Some of it was just bad. Offensive. I mean it's offensive and I don't want that available to read for as much as I can prevent it so the Wattpad chapters have to be replaced. But also, I worked on this book for over 12 years, I forgot a lot of what I wrote and I have no notes from the entire process. So we're getting the story in order, the yikes cut out, and then we'll go into phase 2, which is:

"Ok, but some of these chapters are only 1k." Phase 2 of GoS edits aims to get the word count of chapters, minimum, up to 1.5k. Ideally, up to 2k. GoS is shorter for chapter goals, that's lower than my goals for MoaH chapters (which seems to be adding a thousand per book, but we'll see how book 3 goes), but some of these chapters in GoS barely qualified as chapters. They have plot points I think deserve the breaks! But they need more description. Less floating heads. More details. At that point, the story will be there though because of phase 1 and I will know better where they go, so phase 2 won't really add anything new plot wise, it'll just make what's there better in presentation.

As I've said previously, GoS is being backdated for its original publication, mostly for the archival process of it. It is linked on the pinned post of this blog if you wanna give it a go.

[justagalwhowrites]

I'm so curious what is your writing process like? I'm floored by how fast you write yet the quality is always sososo high. Do you have a beta? Are you a god? What..how..😱

Please get some sleep

Ahhhh Hi Bestie!

Um you're so sweet???? This is so nice??? Thank you so much??????

TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION

....probably don't fully approach writing like I do if you're trying to write because I approach it like a trash goblin in a human suit trying to make things BUT here's what I do!

When I get the idea for a story (fan fic, novel, screenplay, whatever) it usually comes character first. There's someone who intrigues the hell out of me whose story I want to write and then I just have to figure out what their story is. The second part usually comes pretty quick, at least one or two major story moments and the climax and the resolution at least. Then I think through how to get them there and what kind of journey is going to be the most impactful for them. Then I write that down in the form of a story map where I lay things out beat by beat (these notes are usually very vague, like 2 or 3 words per chapter, my vision is far from fully realized) and then write down some basic stuff about the main characters. Actually write it, too, I've got a real cute lil' notebook that I have my story notes and any poems I've written lately (and my D&D notes) in it and I carry it around everywhere when my brain is feeling particularly creative.

This is where the trash goblin takes over because then I just write it. The story map is pretty fluid, I don't think I've ever stuck to one entirely, it always shifts and changes depending on what I get up to narratively. Sometimes that's just story beats stretch longer than I thought so they span several chapters instead of one, sometimes I change my mind on something altogether (like in Yearling, the stable incident with Simon was originally something else entirely but I was like "wait no that doesn't make as much sense, this feels convoluted, doing something else now" and took place in a slightly different spot). When I'm writing, I kind of picture what happens in my head like I'm watching a movie. The characters have their conversations, I write those down, describe how they're feeling, what stuff looks like, etc. The downside to this is the movie of this shit is literally ALWAYS ON in my head and will NOT go away until I write it. The angst that's coming in Yearling? Been playing in my head on a loop for weeks. IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE SEND HELP.

Once I get a chapter done, I give it a quick read mostly for grammar and stuff and to make sure it flows right (and there aren't a bunch of repeated words and stuff - I was a copy editor previously in my career but copy editing your own stuff is tricky so this is a questionable process) and then I post it. No betas, no editors besides myself, generally very little rewrites (I'll rewrite a chunk of a chapter once every like 20 chapters or so, it's rare.) I just throw all these words on the page and then hurl them at y'all and you're kind enough to make super sweet comments like this!

I'm so happy you think my work is high quality and written quickly!! I think I've finally adjusted from the schedule I was keeping for Lavender so it no longer feels like I'm slacking only putting out 2-3 chapters a week but it still doesn't feel like I'm quick lol so thank you for that, too!

And as far as the sleep goes? You saw nothing, definitely not me posting at 3 a.m., don't tell my therapist, everything is fine here.

JK I'm largely just fine! I've always been a night owl and function fine as long as I get a total of 6 hours of sleep, even if that's between a nap and an overnight sleep. It's probably not the best but eh, I'm having fun.

Thank you again for reading and for being so kind!! So happy you're here. Love you!!

[theangelwithawand]

Princess and the Scoundrel Thoughts

Spoilers ahead:

First of all, the title and cover of this book are ridiculous. The art is pretty, but the pose looks like a cheesy romance. I think they’re paying homage to Courtship of Princess Leia, which while that story is hilarious, is one of the worst Star Wars books ever. But we get the Dathomir witches so it’s fine I guess.

On the other hand, Princess and the Scoundrel, is one of the best Star Wars books. Despite everything, despite all of the obstacles this book had from the beginning, it succeeds as having some of the best and most subtle character work in the entire franchise. Which is hilarious, because this book literally only exists to market a hotel. But Beth Revis said, “yeah, but what if it was good and I actually tried?”

Now, Beth Revis has clearly read COPL. You can tell and it’s kind of hilarious. For example, in COPL, there is a really long scene where Han plays sabacc (space poker) during a bout of insecurity and wins a planet to give to Leia and he uses THE MILLENNIUM FALCON for collateral. Han Solo would never do this. Now in PatS, Han plays sabacc while Leia is working to help her out by gathering intelligence. One of the players mentions that he wants to kidnap Leia (not knowing who Han is), and Han almost murders the guy. It’s awesome.

Here’s the thing, you can tell when Leia is being written by a woman instead of a man. In COPL, there is one moment where it’s brought up that if Leia marries Isolder there will be a planet for the survivors of the Alderaani genocide, but it’s only mentioned a few times and not by Leia. So any opportunity for a duty vs love internal conflict is not used. Her conflict is “Han and I are distant and space Fabio is hot so…”. Then HAN KIDNAPS LEIA USING A MIND CONTROL GUN. And she doesn’t murder him. So…I don’t care about this relationship anymore because both of them suck and it isn’t even clear why Leia falls in love with Han all over again.

Beth Revis gives Leia a very multi faceted internal conflict. Part of it is her dealing with her feelings about Vader, about being part of a team, and her guilt over Alderaan. It doesn’t take up too much time, but they inform a lot of her character.

Now, in a different canon book, that came out previously, it was mentioned in passing that Han and Leia got married on Endor. Now, at that point in both the EU and Canon, Han and Leia have been forcibly separated for a year and only actually got together a little bit before that. So, that’s really weird. But Revis is stuck with this. So she says to herself, “Why would they do this? Why would they move this quickly?”

And she remembers that this is Star Wars. They are living through war, they all almost died, and just spent a year forcibly separated. And they’ve decided that they’re done wasting time. Han just kind of…proposes and Leia (in typical fashion) debates for a second before deciding to take a leap of faith for love. It’s genuinely very, very sweet. Despite the title and cover this is not a romance book. There is no “will they won’t they” bullshit. Thank. God. They just get married and it’s really happy and Lando pranks Han into dressing nice, and it’s great. Then it’s a Star Wars adventure featuring Han and Leia.

That’s not to say Han and Leia don’t have any tension between them. The difference is it’s interesting. Han and Leia, especially her, do not know how to fully let each other into their lives. It isn’t that Han forgets for a bit that he married a very driven woman. He absolutely knows. His frustration stems from the fact that they are literally on their honeymoon, and Leia keeps leaving to work, because that is all she knows how to do. It is how she has coped with her trauma for three years. On the other hand, Leia feels like she is solely responsible for saving the galaxy, and that Han doesn’t understand that. Both sides of this argument are understandable. The book switches between Han and Leia’s perspectives. There are no stupid cutaways to Luke or space Fabio, there are no space witches. It is a focused relationship/ character study of Han and Leia while they’re on a decently interesting mission.

And the build up to the fight they end up having, is great. It’s a slow build up, you can feel their mutual frustration, and once they have the fight it is very cathartic. They don’t fight for the entire book either. They flirt and tease and have real conversations too.

So, after this huge fight, Leia is trying to divert the cruiser they’re on to this other planet, and Han finds out and helps her. Together, they succeed, but Leia is confused. They haven’t made up from their fight yet, and she asks why he helped her fight to go on a mission that’s going to take up more of their time. And Han says, “You’re my wife. If you’re running a con, I’m going to help you.”

Now, this might just be one of my favorite lines. Beth Revis understands that Han Solo is very loyal to the few people he cares about. He loves Leia, it’s why he goes back for her on Hoth at his own risk, why he saves Luke at Yavin and on Hoth. (She also understands the little bit of dorkiness Han Solo has beneath the posturing, up to the point that she gives him a sweet tooth.) Neither of them are overly mushy, they just love and respect each other.

There’s this great symbolism with their wedding rings. They’re made of hardened amber by the ewoks, and their fragility is a constant reminder of Han and Leia’s issues. They crack under pressure, and have to be maintained carefully. They eventually end up breaking under immense water pressure, but Han gives Leia a new ring (the one she wears in the sequels) reminiscent of the amber ones, symbolizing that they’re coming out stronger. It’s so sweet, and while it’s a little bit on the nose, it’s a great literary technique.

He’s acknowledging that he recognizes this part of Leia’s character, Leia realizes she needs to also put him first. In the aftermath, they both feel bad, apologize, and resolve to work on their issues together. And when they make-up, it feels real. This runs through the entire book, and the way it ends is really satisfying. Now, we know what happens to them in the sequels, so we can see how this conflict may come back into play later and lead to their eventual separation in canon. But, it’s also easy to see a different path where they work through these issues and live happily ever after. It’s just ambiguous enough to be read as either a prelude to eventual tragedy or the beginning of a long, happy life between two complex people. (I prefer the first one, but whatever).

Other things I liked:

- Han proposing. It’s literally that “I want you” “For what?” “A really long time.” quote on the internet.

Han: I want you.

Leia: Me? For what?

Han: Forever. Marry me.

- Leia tells Han about her true parentage and he just does not care. Like, he’s sympathetic towards her feelings, but is like, “why would this impact my love for you?”

- Leia finally lets herself do something spontaneous.

- Luke and Mon Mothma ship it.

- This quote:

Leia: About time.

Han: For what?

Leia: You once promised me a good kiss. I’ve been waiting.

- The conflict on Madurs is also pretty interesting. Leia is unwilling to let another planet die, giving an insight into Leia’s feelings about Alderaan, especially since Madurs values art like Alderaan.

Honestly, I want Beth Revis to write the canon “trip to Bespin” book.

Also…

This book kind of implies that Leia is bi? There’s a scene where Leia is remembering a conversation with her mother. So, when Alderaanian royals get married, their parent straps the ceremonial Rhindon sword (also used during their coronation) around their waist before the wedding.

In the flashback, Breha specifically says “whoever you marry” and “your husband or wife”…

Some people may say that it’s just ‘forced inclusion’ but that’s boring. Now, in the EU, fanon, and canon, Leia always puts emphasis on how close she and her parents were. This is something that I don’t think is ever particularly well illustrated, especially in canon. In parts the Kenobi series (she gets better later) and Leia, Princess of Alderaan, Breha in particular comes off as really unlikable.

But, if Leia isn’t over romanticizing (and there’s no indication that she is), she was really close to her parents. So, it stands to reason that her mother would know her sexuality. They at least seem really accepting in this passage, so it doesn’t seem like something Leia would keep from them.

I have no other evidence, and as far as I know, Leia is always seen in romances with men in both canon and legends, but in this context, it is a very interesting hint of something new about her character.

[arwainian]

Reading This Week 2024 #29

this week I've been visiting my parents for my dad's 50th birthday. despite my goal to work on reading through the books already on my shelf, today i did go to the comic book store and the manga store and get some more things to read!

Finished:

A Power Unbound by Freya Marske I did end up finishing this the day after my last post! I had gotten briefly anxiety stuck at Chapter 15 (if you read it you will know why), but after receiving Wise Counsel from my mother who has already read it, I trusted the process and persevered through to the end of the book, and enjoyed reading it. Ultimately I think A Power Unbound suffers from having to serve as the conclusion to a three part fantasy story, which took away focus from the advertised romance between Lord Hawthorn and Alan. As I was reading I remember thinking that they were spending a lot more time doing stuff apart, rather than working together in the way the previous couples in the series were. that was a little disappointing bc I was really looking forward to this pair. Also i think i was sadism-baiting. submissive brat sadist Alanzo believers rise and join hands with me!

Masaoka Shiki: Selected Poems translated by Burton Watson finished this lovely collection of poetry. very pleasant read. I think some of the poems written from his sick bed where really special in particular, and there was a great one about Shiki getting a cane to help with his mobility as his TB got worse

"The Fall of the House of Usher" by Edgar Allen Poe I read this so I could understand what was being referenced in a horror novella later on. the first half i was a bit bored, but from the ballad on i was hooked and found it genuinely unsettling. also it was excellent to read a first-person perspective story that doesn't mildly grate at my nerves. i'm starting to identify what made me like it's usage in this work and not in many others

our bodies too, plateaued by rozecrest on ao3 Unknit by Hierodule on ao3 Signs of Life by rigormorphis on ao3 i am diving into the friends at the table ao3 tag again! not as thoroughly as I have previously, but I am enjoying what I've read so far

If You'll Have Me by Eunnie this graphic novel is just like the sweetest butch/femme romance. it made my day to read it. please go check out this shy femme x suave butch romance

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher an incoming library due date on libby forced me to read this, and oh it was just amazing. as seen above I read the original Poe story this is playing off of. the protagonist has a third gender from a made of European culture, that is to say kan gender is soldier, which I loved bc it let there be gender variance without downplaying like. historical awful gender roles. this story unsettled me and it was very great. also it seems like zombie fungus has really been in vogue in the past several years

Demon Riders by Jack Holder if you saw me reference buying a book from a self published author at a farmer's market a month back, this was that book! its the episodic adventures of a couple of monster hunters, and given that it was episodic, my enjoyment of the story of the book unfortunately varied a lot from chapter to chapter...At its best it had some really interesting ideas or well executed takes on classic ones, but at its worst it was underdeveloped and cliche, under-utilizing its ostensible setting of a post apocalyptic America (the one story in which its Clearly set in Texas really might as well come up with a fantasy name for the place. it would work just as well). I think this would be better suited to a serialized format, instead of published as a collection, that way each of the episodic stories could really breathe.

Mob Psycho 100, Vol. 12-13 by ONE, translated by Kumar Sivasubramanian plain fun! excited to be reaching the parts where Tome gets to shine as a character