had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing
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Chapters: 4/20
Fandom: The 1975 (Band)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: George Daniel/Matthew Healy
Characters: George Daniel, Matthew Healy, Ross Macdonald, Adam Hann, Carly Holt, Jamie Oborne, Charli XCX (Musician)
Additional Tags: Equestrian, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Past Drug Addiction
Summary:
“Why the hell is Matthew Healy riding Carly Hann’s horse?!” George exclaimed, flinging open the door to storm into Jamie’s office, taking care to make sure the door was shut again behind him. He was surprised Jamie was even out so early, sitting in front of the computer with his reading glasses perched on the end of his nose. “He’s bad fucking news, Matthew Healy?!” George said, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his close cropped, bleached hair.
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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don't stress about that opportunity that fell through or that friend you lost or that thing you really want to happen but isn't. as long as you keep your chin up and try try try again, better things will replace your losses. i'm looking at my life rn and actually marveling at how every single thing i stressed about, whether it be an opportunity or a person, got supplanted w another thing that is so much better. it really is true that loss makes space for better things. these days i don't get sad when something doesn't work out. i get excited that i'm now open to so many other possibilities out there, so long as i actively seek them. you never lack. you just transition.
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I really do adore the kind of character who would rather make everything worse than even try to fix the problem. Yeah man, fuck communicating with your friends, blow the place to hell!!!
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seriously though nothing can stop me from interpreting Real Life as canon just for how it progresses the canary curse situation. i'm obsessed with it. the curse gets broken in secret life and then in the very next "series", as much of a joke as it is, you get a situation like THAT. jimmy enters a mineshaft and everyone but him dies. not just his team, though obviously it's more significant because they were all red, but ren/martyn/skizz all get a mineshaft-death apiece. that canary's not doing his job anymore. he escaped his cage and made a break for the surface and everyone else is paying the price for it, and i for one could not be more proud of that little bird.
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— taking a bath with a lover *ੈ✩‧₊˚
non-sexual & a bit silly lol, enjoy!!
✧ after an exhausting day, what other way to relax your partner than preparing them a warm, blissful bath?
✧ dousing the bathtub with their favorite aromatic flowers and oils
✧ “honey, what’s with all of this in the bathroom?” “you came back early? the surprise got ruined!”
✧ aiding them undress, yet it takes longer than usual because you keep getting their clothes tangled
✧ lending a hand to cautiously help them get into the pool of water
✧ "gosh it's the perfect temperature" "oh thank god, i thought it would still be too hot"
✧ blowing soap bubbles into their face to briefly annoy them
✧ "aren't you going to join me darling?" "if you insist"
✧ relaxing them by delicately massaging their hair in circles with shampoo
✧ “careful! you’re going to get shampoo in my eyes!” “oh quit being so dramatic”
✧ listening about their day whilst lightly massaging the knots in their back
✧ peppering tender kisses along their exposed shoulder
✧ “i never realized you have so many moles around here”
✧ tracing their scars with the tips of your fingers
✧ them burying their head into your neck, eyelids getting heavy out of tiredness
✧ “you better clean up after” "yes, your highness"
✧ "even though this was a mess, i'm glad i could spend time with you like this"
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