#really comforts and freaks me out
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18,000 years ago there were people building a life out of mammoth bones in the Dneiper Valley
The world has changed so much since then.
Like the land itself- something we think of as unchanging in our short lives- has changed. There are seas younger than these cultures.
I will never know a mammoth
But those people 18,000 years ago were literally exactly the same as me. Same needs for sleep, warmth, food. They had families and made art.
If I think about it too hard I get filled with such specific emptiness that turns into a spinning sort of panic.
#personal#nothing new under the sun#the inherent emptiness of being!#really comforts and freaks me out
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Drew a bunch of Marinettes in a bunch of different artists styles it was a lot of fun!!
Artists who's styles I mimicked: @buggachat @hamsternamedmarinette @ladybeug @sabertoothwalrus and @anna-scribbles all epic artists 🤟😎
#my art#marinette dupain cheng#miraculous ladybug#miraculous fanart#style mimic#sorry for the @s btw#yall should go follow those artists if you dont already also#this was sort of inspired by a post the three artists on the top row made#i think they all got together and drew with one another#which is really cool#but i was genuinely confused because i mimic styles a lot#and ive seen others do it too so i was just like#wow they really know each others styles really well#until i thought about it and read their posts some more#style mimicking is really freaking fun and i think its really good practice#and a good way to explore other ways of doing things#like you really have to learn new techniques and get out of your comfort zone#also anna scribbles i could not find a recent pic of marinette in her main outfit#so thats the only marinette i drew in different clothes cuz i couldnt find a more recent ref of you drawing it#anna scribble marinette has privileges thats the others dont#but ye#i also threw my own style in there as a frame of reference to what me draw like#ive drawn marinette before just not in a loooong while#sabertooth walrus was the hardest for me to mimic cuz they have a broad range in their style#so its like which sabertooth do i wanna be in this pic#Buggachat has such a distinct style thats very clean and consistent which is amazing so they were easy#being easy or hard arent bad things either it also has to do with like styles meeting up with one another#buggachats and mine arent too too different in some shapes and aspects#so yeah itd be easier plus they drew marinette like 3 sec ago so i have more recent of a ref#as opposed to sabertooth who i have a recent ref of ladybug but not marinette so we got two diff styles in one
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fuck you he's a cat now
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#john doe malevolent#john doe#mv liveblog#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#this is also sort of a continuation of that owl john i drew a while back#i really liked that design and wanted to draw it again so i said fuck it. anthro arthur.#mid tier predator team up to hunt rats together <3#a few years down the line arthur will finally feel safe and comfortable enough to purr for genuine happy reasons#and john will promptly freak out like WHAT IS IT? ARE YOU HURT? WHAT'S WRONG TELL ME#bc arthur Forgor to warn him that there are other reasons cats might purr#the comic is set pre/immediately post-coma. if that wasn't obvious idk how obvious that ended up being#malevolent fanart
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Don’t know if it’s against the rules to complete TWO egg projects. However I’m learning to become a silversmith and I’ve finished my first ring. It’s not perfect at all, but many hours of time and effort and a whole lot of learning are in it!

aaah is that labradorite? my favorite!
You can certainly pelt Killie with another egg, you've been such a good friend to him that you deserve to get him with an ostrich egg.
But in all seriousness that's a lovely ring, and you've been extremely busy this month, encouraging others, showing kindness and progressing your own creative works. Well done.
#eggs for killie#92 egg.#92 is a significant special number for me because it's the year that my parents' shaman told them I would live until.#like I'm meant to die when I'm 92 years old.#a fact that I found rather comforting in the moment of impact when my mother used to get us into car accidents etc#“this PROBABLY isn't it” I would think comfortably in a pleasantly detached way as a deer or whatever slid slowly off the window#I remember quite clearly once when i was about 8 and a pickup truck immediately rolled up to help because the owner was a firefighter#and father of my acquaintance Michaela. the guy put me in the cab of the truck with Michaela because it was winter and we were friends#and we had a pleasantly normal conversation as the dad was mildly freaking out and calling for help somehow etc#and my mother was standing chainsmoking in the snow making wisecracks probably#and Michaela said you're very calm??! and I was like it happens a lot. and also I'm not dying until I'm 92. ✌️ a very normal response#my family were classy!broke and only drove really shitty half-dead used cars and my mother has like Wild Deer Panic Response to everything#including other wild deer.... shifting patterns of clouds... once the transmission fell the FUCK out of the car. mildly comedic.#hmmmm thinking about it that's probably WHY the horseboys have a slight death prediction power! it all makes sense now#anyway it's a good number. fond of it.
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Hi! I am completely in love with your story on AO3 (Perseverance), I think it’s my favourite out of all the fics I’ve read! I’ve been reading since… I believe shortly before chapter 27 came out? And I’ve been entirely obsessed with it since! (I am very socially anxious so it did take me a good while to start commenting, but I’ve been having so much fun writing and reading comments! My usernames are the same here and on AO3 btw!)
So, when I first read chapter 27, I had this entire image pop into my head when Error’s treehouse was being described from Ink’s POV, specifically his thoughts for the reasoning behind Error having the skylights.
I’ve had this picture floating around in my head for nigh on 3 years now, and a few months ago I FINALLY got around to drawing it! It’s kinda just a small ‘what if’ scene.
So, now that I’ve worked up the courage (sharing art is, for some reason, ten times more scary than commenting ;w;) here’s the drawing! I guess it could be considered an anniversary gift for Perserverence, even if that wasn’t its original purpose XD (happy anniversary again!)
Tadaaaaa! Stargazing under skylights! A small moment of rest away from the chaos of the outside world.
(Fun fact- this is the first time I’ve ever drawn Error!)
Thank you for this wonderful story! It’s been an absolute joy and inspiration to read, and I’m excited to see what happens next!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, OH MY G O S H, I AM SCREAMING. I AM NOT OKAY, I'M NOT OKAY, HOLD ON, I'M LOSING MY MIND RIGHT NOW. BUT IN A GOOD WAY, IN A GOOD WAY, OH MY GOOOOOOOOOSSH, HELP ME-

Oh my goooddneesss, you've been here a w h i l e, haven't you? YOU'RE ONE OF THE OG FANS, CLAP IT UP, EVERYONE ✧˖°. Thank you so much for sticking with my story so long! <3 I'm so very honored I was able to captivate your attention for all this time ;_; (Oh maan, don't worry. Imagine me giving you a hug. I understand what social anxiety is like. This is a safe place for it! :D You don't have to worry about engaging with me or the other mad lad fans. The other Perseverance peeps are ✧˖°.pretty cool✧˖°.)
AAAAAAAAA, I AM S C R E A M I N G. Okay, okay, I'm so happy rn, you don't understand.
When I described that scene, I was hoping I described it well enough so other people could see what I saw in my head. Mostly because I thought I was incapable of drawing what I envisioned, even though now I may be able to take a shot at it
AND OH MY GOOOSSSH, OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS, L O O K
YOU DID IT SO BEAUTIFULLY, OMG, I AM NOT OKAY. I AM LOSING MY MIND. YEEEEEEEEEESSSSS, I DID IT. I SUCCESSFULLY COMMUNICATED MY VISION TO OTHER MAD LADS SO THEY CAN RECREATE IT <3 <3
Eeeeugh, I'm holding my head. You even got like. All the little details, man. The feathers on Broomie, Error's gun. Ink's scarf fading from lighter to darker. Ink's birthmarks. Even like, the sketchbook. Which I think I described as having a heart on the cover like. A total of two or three times.
The attention to detail, man. I am so impressed and honored. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAN, IT'S SO PRETTY AND WONDERFUL AND I WILL BE STARING AT IT FOR THE NEXT THREE HOURS-
#perseverance!au#perseverance!error#perseverance!ink#I am also so honored that this is the first time you drew Error#First time drawing our b o i and it's fanart for me ;_;#Literally so honored#HE LOOKS WONDERFUL MAN#HEAD IS SO PATTABLE AND BODY SO HUGGABLE#I get how sharing art is scary#It's quite vulnerable at times#BUT M A N#YOU SHOULD *NOT* BE SCARED#YOUR ART IS *SCRUMPTIOUS*#WONDERFUL#BEAUTIFUL#LOOK AT THE S T A R S MAN#AND INK'S LIL BLUSHIE#You should post more of your art! :D#You never know; people could really enjoy it <3#LIKE M E#Oh my god; it's like the Moldiee situation all over again#I have found a hidden treasure#Shout out to mad lad Moldiee#Who was a l s o a freaking amazing bomb artist who just. Appeared one day with freaking bomb art#NO#WE MUST HAVE MORE OF THE ART#THIS CAN'T BE THE ENDDD#Rally behind me people; and show that we are fun people to share art with#Your art is absolutely lovely and I would encourage you to post more if you feel comfortable doing so <3
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*starts to make a post about my latest crisis like three times*
#it's uh. it's interesting times here#i am really out here choosing between my comfort zone#or spending over 300 dollars to go to a homeschool conference to sell some copies of my book#most of the money would be spent on author copies of my book#and like. i prayed and i was pretty sure buying 50 of them was the right way to go#AND YET. IT WOULD COST TWO FREAKING HUNDRED DOLLARS#well 269. let's be precise here#and i have to pay for a table at the book sale too and the time window is closing#i did randomly get a surprising amount of money from two people for christmas#and that would cover roughly half of it#but like. this is really stepping out in faith. close to as much as when i quit my job for this#i could make it all back all i have to do is sell those books. not even all of them just most of them.#BUT WHAT IF I CAN'T#i'm an introvert okay. or introvert adjacent. i don't have the confidence that my dad or my siblings would have for this#especially not when there's 300 dollars at stake and just. ugh#i definitely should not be putting all my faith in money or my own abilities#in fact what i should be doing is saying 'okay God if this is what you want then show up'#but oh sky above it is very scary#so if you made it this far. pray for me? that God will show me the right thing to do and i'll follow the path He has for me#even though it's extremely scary#hazel rambles about her original writing
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I thought Will would like messing with louise sometimes. Louise doesnt seem to like his sense of humor, though.
(Characters are will and louise from @peachnewt 's story, getting in deep !!)
#okay so im gonna say this in the tags cause im too much of a pussy to say it for real#but ive never interacted with any vore communities before#mostly because ive always felt like it was too “weird”. also ive just never found any i was really felt comfortable with#but recently (after literal years of figuring myself out and feeling like i was crazy) ive realised i do actually want to talk to you guys#it probably sounds dumb but finding GID and actually exploring a bit of the community here has shown me#that there ARE people like me. with the same experiences and feelings.#after spending my whole life feeling like a freak. finally meeting people who are just like me#okay that really does sound cringe but you know what i mean right?#idk. ive felt more seen and “normal” about myself in the last week than i have in forever#and i guess i just hope you guys can show me around the place and talk to me about the things that have been stuck in my head for forever#finding this insanely niche community of “nonsexual comfort safe vore” or whatever other terms can be used#has seriously changed a lot for me#and i cant wait to talk to all of you more \:]#gid fanart#will and louise gid
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Cats and Nasturtium Flowers~ something which was going to be a custom sticker sheet (for me to decorate my scrapbook with) until I realized that most sticker printing websites have like Actual Guidelines you're supposed to follow in terms of file type of the image and other things lol.. A nice picture then, I guess at least
#cats#flowers#nasturtiums#nature#I thought you could kind of just upload anything of any type. kind of like how you can print anything on a shutterfly bag/hat/etc lol#even if it's some low quality super pixelly badly sized jpeg or something.. but alas... anyhow...#Hrgh.... my lifelong battle (cannot freaking draw cats despite me being both a lifelong artist and lifelong cat lover...#I have been trying to draw cats since I was 5 years old and I still can't get the anatomy proper lol ToT#I mean like they're not TERRIBLE or anything but it just.... idk it lacks a certain charm I'm looking for. I see cat drawings that some#people do and go 'YES. that is a CAT'. like the shapes. I think it's similar to how like. sometimes you can tell whether someone#has been an artist for a long time by the Effort of their lines.. if that makes sense? There's sometimes a breezy almost sketchy#style that comes with an implication of 'this person has drawn this thing so many times that its become intuitive for them and takes them#like 2 seconds to smoothly dash out this shapely line with the perfect weight and movement' etc. etc.#Some of my art looks like that to me. But then my cats are like.. This Person Was Trying Very Hard To Draw A Cat lol#to ME at least. It probably doesnt seem that way on the outside. And maybe I'm just too deep into it. My love for cats is too profound. I#spend time daily observing them. No line I could ever produce with my mere mortal hands could replicate the unearthly perfection#of the feline form.. hrmph... ANYWAY lol...#so sad because i did really want to decorate my notebook with the nasturtium stickers... one of my favorite flowers..#I like the one sticker that's just the lumpy little green seed (what nasturtium seeds look like when they first ... uh.. exist? I guess the#seeds don't ''bloom''.. when they first ''appear'' maybe? A fresh seed. The ones you get in the store are like dried and brown#by then. But one of my nasturtium plants a few years ago plopped out a bunch of these fresh green little seeds and they're cute looking to#me... like a little wrinkled pea... my son...#oh my GOURSH I just looked them up to check whether I was remebering correctly... YES.... they are soo cute and cool... i love#nasturtium seeds hashtag my nasturtium seeds#Truly the most Perfectly Shaped in all ways flower that exists. leaves. petals. seeds. roots. ALL of it. THE aesthetic ideal.#I'm not a big nature artist either (rarely ever draw flowers and stuff. not that comfortable with it) but for some reason I'm okay with the#nasturtiums lol... again.. maybe cats are simply too powerful of a subject matter.. difficult to capture in their ultimate divinity
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Team give lyfrassir edda tentacles. Not in a horny way. I mean, sure if that's your thing, but that's not what the point of this post is. the rainbowed hair, blood, and eyes are cool and all but I need something a little less pretty bifrost glow-up and a little more I-got-turned-into-an-eldritch-monstrosity-and-can't-go-out-in-public-anymore.
Not full on monster level (though bonus points if they have a barely even human-esque form when they're angry or using their powers). I want them to still be decipherably humanoid, or recognizable by someone who'd met them before all this. but something that could conceivably be achieved by a cosplay is not enough for my hp Lovecraft body horror needs. my ideal post-tbi lyf design has become the subject of several drastic urban legends simply by walking around the street and not interacting with anyone.
so yeah. give the fricker tentacles that don't go away and are a nuisance to find clothes to wear with. make Marius find them pretty even when the way they've been changed isn't conventionally attractive. Please reblog with any personal hcs you have about their cosmic horror appearance that are a bit more screwed up than the norm, lyf edda is my barbie and I like dressing them up in nuclear chaos lmao
#this isn't meant to be a hate post to anyone who does hc them with the typical rainbow regalia they're designed with#that stuff is really cool#and them finding out the way their blood's changed is always a fun moment#I just really really love mind meld body horror and I like abusing lyf for that#tentacles aren't that creative or out there so like I said#I'd love to hear more ideas#also Marius is absolutely a monsterfucker so the more extreme lyf looks the funnier it is when he has absolutely no reservations about it#make Marius so comfortable with it that it actually makes lyf a little uncomfortable#whooooo rambling while I think up their description in my fic#which I came up with. and wrote out#but then SOMEONE didn't freaking SAVE#that someone was me lol#lyfrassir edda#the mechs#the mechanisms#tbi#the bifrost incident#starry jabbers
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i think a lot about pitsmell.
following a conversation with my gf, i remembered one of the things that awakened me to this as a concept. i was at a ren faire several years ago, where this older lady was selling all sorts of homemade soapstones and things of that nature. she claimed to not have used traditional soap or deodorant or anything in years, and encouraged people to feel her skin and to notice how she smelled (her skin was very soft and she smelled normal to me), and i was captivated that such a thing would be possible without all that stuff we generally always use.
gonna leave the rest of this under the cut cause it's a big wall of text...
i never really *hated* deodorant, but i don't like the way most of it smells. but my genetics make me extraordinarily sweaty, and so strong antipersperant deodorant has been a staple for the vast majority of my life. but honestly i got really sick of it, so i decided to do some experimentation back when i lived alone. i found that putting on deodorant, and then not re-applying or showering for a few days, made me *far* more sweaty and smelly than the same time sans any deodorant. i repeated this several times and noticed it consistently to be the case. i will still put on deodorant for special occasions like fur cons, or meeting new people, but i'll always shower afterwards because it's so much more comfortable without it. smell-wise and also physically, with my pits not being uncharacteristically dry and sweaty. i still sweat, and start to smell after a couple days, but i've noticed a vast improvement, and no weird looks or negative comments on it from friends or people i regularly interact with. i will say my physical activity is somewhat limited, but i do walk to all my doctor's appointments, grocery trips, etc. and use public transit where needed. it is important to note though, there's a point where the smell goes from alluring to repulsive, and sometimes that line is very fine. it varies person to person. i'd say generally if you aren't going to wear deodorant, it's important to wash your pits with a rag and some water and put on a fresh shirt (it makes a BIG difference) before going out, at the very least. a lot of the repulsive odors come from bacteria cultivating and lack of cleanliness due to sweat buildup and evaporation in the area. it takes a bit more maintenance, but i've found it's so worth it. i feel physically more comfortable, because i sweat a *normal* amount now, and my pits aren't sticky, and my t-shirts don't get ruined from deodorant rubbing off.
that is all to say - there's so much more possibility and variance with this stuff, than i ever would have expected. i would genuinely love to study this as a science and learn more about it. it was genuinely really fun and gratifying to experiment and figure this stuff out!
i'd really love to hear other people's opinions on this! it's so fascinating and fun :3
#pit talk#i think about this a lot#and i would love to hear other peoples' inputs on it :3#it's been really interesting and fun to experiment and see why things like this are the way they are#from an academic perspective#but also from a freak ass furry artist perspective too :3#i've had a few people (friends and strangers!) tell me about how i've awakened them to pit stuff#i think it's natural and human and there's a whole lot there to enjoy :D#and if you aren't into it - that's totally okay too!#i just want people to be comfortable questioning this stuff#and maybe try stuff out for themselves! being open is how i came to love this kink so dearly <3#also a special shoutout to my gf for indulging me and also becoming a freak about it along with me hehehe
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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was kinda thinking about this when I saw Renee Rapp live recently-- I didn't know her visual vibe, I'd heard a few songs here and there but I hadn't really *seen* her, and her attire at Osheaga was really casual, a jersey (baseball/basketball?) and slacks. And that was so amazing! I couldn't help thinking, the work Billie Eilish has done for how women in pop music are allowed to dress is incredible. Seeing her up there all comfortable you just know that Billie walked in her oversized tops so that Renee in her slacks could run; Billie walked through all the critcisms about how she dressed slobbily and having to assert that she didn't owe anyone a display of skin, so that Renee could be comfortable and unquestioned running up and down the catwalk in front of 10,000 people. How iconic.
And I don't think we even realised at the time how much something as simple as letting Billie dress the way she as a (then-) 17-year-old teenager dressed, could end up meaning for a future generation of women in music.
Obviously there is still way to go, there were weirdos complaining about how 'plain' Dua Lipa's Glastonbury outfit was this year (in 2024!!), l have to ask, are you at Paris Fashion Week?? She is the musical HEADLINER of an entire day of music at one of the biggest music festivals in the world, and you can't grant her the space to exist as an artist, you have to moan about her dress not being excitingly revealing enough. There's work to do, it's still dismal out there. But the space Billie Eilish has created for a most ordinarily-dressed woman popstar is still heartening.
#music#rambling away; I'll log off#man. I remember how on the other hand when I was going to my first ever gig my guitar teacher said to me#notice how plainly he's dressed? No frills. His music speaks for himself.#(The musician in question was Slash and apart from his very recognisable hat and sunglasses; he was wearing a plain white t-shirt with a#minnie mouse graphic print in the centre. I think sometimes about how not even women in rock music are afforded that.#Like this is a thing across genres#With the exception of Franz Ferdinand for whom Alex has actually said in interviews that they treated FF gigs as nights out#and so dressed like they'd be dressed for a club night out--#most other guy bands are like *picked a tee off the floor*#whereas the girls in bands I've seen-- even literally just local musicians-- the girls in our local rock bands feel compelled to#dress like it's graduation day#Like we had this really cool local band-- singer's a girl in second year of uni#keeping up with the fact that they were playing like RHCP and Muse covers on stage; fast stuff--#she was up there in a delicate dress and heels and stomping across stage n all#and the rest of her band; dudes; were quite comfortable in their t-shirts#like of course she made a choice herself and was more than capable of stomping in heels--I mean I've seen Phoebe from Lambrini Girls#JUMP OFF a 5-ft platform stage while wearing 3-inch block heels. And in a party dress!#But then again Lambrini Girls genuinely are freaks of nature and I envy anyone who's going to see them open for Amyl & the Sniffers rn#bc that's an EXPLOSIVE combo. Nonetheless. I was saying.#Part of it certainly comes from a normalisation of just superhuman strength; balance + praying there's no malfunction with your skirt#which DOES happen at rock shows more frequently than you'd imagine. It's just if you're in a good crowd they'll pretend they saw nothing#but it's certainly more practical to gig in sneakers and trousers lol. From experience!#billie eilish#renee rapp#women in music#pop music#dua lipa#Also like Billies doing it for the pop lesbians#lesbian
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I fucking hate being traumatized because why am I bawling the hardest I've bawled in god-knows-how-long because someone I didn't even like that much berated Me. gasping wailing trembling and snotting over this for several minutes.
#personal#sanism#abuse mention#child abuse mention#I'm still not entirely done crying really. I'm just trying to stop and calm Myself. not doing well at the moment#because someone on the discord server mentioned trump's inauguration and I basically said 'I don't like trump either#but it's still important to keep pushing for change. who's in office doesn't change that' and he just. immediately escalated the situation#accused Me of not caring about oppression. I explained Myself further but he told Me to go fuck Myself and capped it off with#'you already admitted to being a fucking narcissist so why would i want to be around you' (exact quote BTW)#and I just can't stop sobbing. I don't know if I've cried this much since I was 13. I keep having to pause My typing because I start crying#I didn't hate him but I wasn't attached to him either. it's just that I have so much fucking trauma along these lines#so many instances of My mom putting words in My mouth. getting short-tempered with Me over benign remarks that I didn't understand#because I'm autistic. dismissing My opinions. making Me hide My feelings and issues from her#because she's made it clear that she doesn't trust people like Me#it's made Me have so much trouble handling even friendly social interaction. I've only just learned how to do that#I just can't handle having that same mistreatment forced onto Me by anyone else. especially with so little warning or build-up#and what makes Me break down even worse is the fact that I know I'll have to deal with him again#he wasn't even punished while this was happening. despite the server owner and other mod being online. the owner just said 'stressful day'#and the other mod started talking with a regular user about how it was uncalled for once he had already left the conversation#nobody even checked in on Me. even though I stayed online for a good half-an-hour afterwards. I only just logged off a few minutes ago#because the notifications from unrelated conversations started overstimulating Me#regardless. I don't even want to see him again. I don't want to be in the same server as him I don't want to talk to him I don't want to#but it's not a real formal server. it's a 'friend group.' and they've shown before that they prioritize keeping the peace#over actually punishing hostility. just a week or so ago I told them I wasn't comfortable with them using the R-slur#and someone freaked out over My complaint being 'politically correct' and left. he was brought back just a few days later. and before that#he had already derailed a previous discussion I tried to have about the word by sending gifs featuring it and redirecting the conversation#that sucked but at least it wasn't outright triggering. but I just can't stand the thought of having to be around someone#who treated Me so much like how My abuser has. that's the most I've ever had to relive My trauma because of someone else#that's the most anyone has ever mirrored it to Me. I just can't stand it but I know I'll have to be around him#I don't even know if he's gonna apologize. he's made it clear how little he thinks of Me as a human being. PLUS
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Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about!
mmmmmm this one is a little different. still sargebon, but if u aren't a fan of omegaverse, this will not be for u !
me and a buddy of mine have been cooking up like. a relatively complex omegaverse concept bcuz I LOVEEE overthinking tropes and making them like. concrete and realistic (ish), but this is my own little concept that kind of eats me alive every night when I'm trying so sleep
so my own personal headcanon is that Alex is a very just. non-instinctual alpha. he doesn't really get the whole super alpha-y alphas who growl and rumble for their omegas and whatnot; Alex, for the most part, is just kinda normal. a lot of people assume he's a beta at first because he's just so subdued
because of this, a lot of omegas and pups don't really pay attention to him because there's just not a lot of instinctual drive to. it's not necessarily Alex's fault, and plus he doesn't really care. he has his friends and his family who all care about him and that's really all he needs; hes actually relatively comfortable like this. if anything, Alex would probably lose his mind if he was as instinct ridden and wild as other alphas tend to be
but then Logan rolls around, and Logan is an omega and that's like. whatever. Alex doesn't even think twice of it, and neither does Logan despite what everyone else is thinking. alpha-omega teammates have never really gone down well in the past and so a lot of people are talking about it; especially because Logan is so competent on his own, very much the opposite of Alex, who kind of just stays in his own lane
if people assume that Alex is a beta, then everyone assumes that Logan is an alpha, simply just because of how he looks and acts and how feisty he is. so, although the media is worried about them as a pairing, they're also excited because they're sort of peculiar. nobody really knows what to expect
and Alex is included in that, because he really doesn't understand what anyone means when they say that Logan is more like an alpha in his behavior, because to be honest, Logan has been nothing but a polite in every interaction they've had together. kind, even. funny, maybe. Alex doesn't know what to think
and then, well. turns out Logan is excited to be Alex's teammate, because maybe he can rile him up, get Alex acting like the alpha he is. and Alex knows that it's just a joke, that's just how Logan plays around and it's like, totally fine. it doesn't make Alex feel a little insane. especially not after he learns that Logan has always preferred hanging out with betas and other omegas because he doesn't like how overbearing alphas can be, always snarling and whatnot
and it gets worse when George points out that he's never seen Logan act this way around an alpha. y'know, comfortable, easy going. usually alphas would make him kind of anxious, a little bit on his toes. but around Alex, hes... normal. relaxed and joking around and hanging close to Alex totally fine
George waves it off like thats completely fine and not insane, chalking it up to the fact that oh, you're just not all that instinctual, is all and Alex tries to accept it but he just Can't
and then shit starts going downnn. because he starts feeling very different around Logan now. like... anxious, but not because of Logan. but it kind of is because of Logan? Alex then realizes with horror that the thing he's feeling is a protective instinct. for Logan
and Alex has never felt more humiliated in his life, but he also feels bad, because the reason Logan likes him so much is because Alex isn't so instinct-y, that he's not like other alphas, or whatever. and it sucks because Alex is really starting to cherish the dynamic they have going on
but on the flipside, you have Logan who is dealing with his own freak out about y'know, being so fond of an alpha, which is something he's never really had to deal with before. he doesn't know how to cope with that, or how to cope with the fact that Logan can feel his chest unfurl and his scent preen whenever Alex says something positive about him, or compliments him, or says something funny or assertive or affectionate or. oh god Logan is so fucked. his cool, unbothered persona is being totally destroyed as we speak
but of course, in very typical sargebon fashion, neither of them talk about this at all, and so they wind up stewing in these new feelings all on their own. and it starts kind of ruining their relationship, and Alex starts feeling awkward around Logan, and Logan starts feeling uncomfortable around Alex, but it's funny because both of them are so strongly desiring each other. and so now they're stuck
the turning point is sort of when someone points out that Alex's scent is sort of different now, or that Logan seems a lot more relaxed when he's around Alex, or that they both kind of lean into each other when they're together. and it forces them to realize like. oh. maybe I'm not the only one who's feeling this. they then also realize that oh, I'm not the only one being stupid about this, either
and so they do the typical romcon thing where they both try to talk at the same time and then interrupt each other and then argue about who talks first. and they both finally realize oh. I am so much more at ease right now than I've ever been. and it's because of you
#its soooooo cheesy and so stupid which is lowkey why I'll never write it bcuz i feel like i would have a hard time keeping them in character#while writing something like this#and maybe that says something about me as a writer like not challenging myself enough#but like eh. i do this for fun and as a hobby i dont really see the need to stress myself out needlessly like that but anyway#live laugh love omegaverse#logan sargeant#alex albon#sargebon#asks#my work#i do have another vague idea thats like. not long enough for one of these posts but like basically#one of the young academy pups like latches onto alex and of course alex being very non instinctual kinda freaks out about this#cuz he doesnt know how to cope with this. he doesnt know how to handle a pup and he doesn't have the instincts for this#and all this is happening while george and logan snicker at him from the sidelines#because. as omegas. they feel naturally more comfortable around pups and whatnot. and alex is so totally clueless as is so#and then of course over time he learns how to be more comfortable and by the end of it Logan is kind of smitten#bcuz he sees that alex now knows how to handle a pup properly and can take it in stride
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man i love trying making plans with a friend and 1) they forget or 2) they answer my request to shift the plans slightly after the time we made plans for /s
#context: we start school at 1 pm tomorrow (which is super rare) and so originally we'd planned for me to come over to their house and do a#sleep over except that the thought of doing a sleepover the day before school freaks my neurospicy brain out too much#so I sent them a message last night like “i'm really sorry but i'm not comfortable with doing a sleepover but yk i still want to come over!#they answered: “loool” “oki tbf i forgot 😭🙏"#“and yea idk I didn't do my homework yet.. im thinking maybe we can just call during the day and do stuff?”#“you can come over also”#“but i will be crusty and ill wake up at like 12 😭”#they sent that at like midnight and it's 5 pm and they still haven't answered my reply or even seen it and i really like them but I would#love a way of contacting them where I don't get ghosted for an entire day especially when they were the one who wanted to do something#together in the first place and now they're just off the internet and it's 5pm and i know they're practically nocturnal but they know i hav#parental controls and can't really call after like 6-7pm and AAARGH WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM THEY DRIVE ME NUTS SOMETIMES#rant#personal rant#no tags leave me alone#<i know there *are* tags lol but that's become my “personal post” tag lmao#also using this account bc they have my main although i don't think they're super active on here
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trying to get high but im so scared of fucking this dog up that im not getting there
#new experiences/talking to people sobers me up Immediately. well this is sorta both#anyway taking care of puppys puppy :3 hes so fucking cute i love him 😭😭😭😭#gonna go wayy out of my comfort zone too and go for a walk/check out the dog run. kinda freaked if anyone else is gonna be there..#bc idk this dog That Well yet and idk how hed react to a stranger dog#he was fine w [redacted]s dogs but theyre also really chill. idk the dogs around here :/#anyway hitting that shit like crazy :) probably gonna nap in a bit bc im Fucking Exhausted today for some reason :/#so hopefully he'll settle down and nap w me after we find the park#talk tag
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