#really reminds me of that one John Mulaney bit

[aestheti-kitty]

Not to be a total chucklefuck but the hilarity of these stupid little wizards just taking the top part of a mountain really gets me in my funny bone.

[syst3merr0r]

After watching the trailer 10x times, I wanted to share my thoughts on it, and the changes!!

Aka mun takes this as a chance to ramble about Hazbin Hotel-

Spoiler warning for the HH trailer under the cut!!

Okay, here we go!

I'm sad to see the og voices go, but now that we've been able to hear the new ones, I'm not as disappointed. Alastor, Husk, and Vox's new voices(i know Vox never REALLY had a voice, but i mean the iconic fan made one) threw me off guard HARD. And not in a bad way!! I like Alastor’s, it's more upbeat, yet it can also be intimidating like how Edward's was. Husk's voice is a BIG change!! I do like how it's now more smooth sounding, although it's still a bit difficult to match the voice to the face. Vox's voice made me cackle. I adore how it sounds, and it makes him hard "I'm better than you" nerd vibes. Or John Mulaney.

The updated animation and artstyle is BEAUTIFUL!!! Everything looks so clean and smooth, it's truly amazing what the HH team has done. MAJOR props to them!!

The fact we have yet to hear Sir Pentious is a bit concerning, but also exciting. It's been revealed his VA will be Alex Brightman, which is a bit strange that have yet to hear him. But we'll definitely be hearing him in the show!

I'm sorry I have to ramble about the stupid ass deer man- I'm very excited to see whether he plays the belated villain or if he's fighting alongside Charlie! As he says in the trailer, "It's time I remind everyone why I'm here" followed by a clip of him going (assumably) full/near full Radio Demon. Although it's not clarified whether he's talking to Charlie, the entirely of Hell, or to Lucifer/Adam. I can't wait to see how he acts in the show, and how/if he makes relationships/friendships with the others! Remember, he's the Radio Demon. He's an asshole- It also intrigues me that when it shows him using his powers, it looks like he's melting a bit. Either way, in quote of Alastor himself, "This is going to be very entertaining!"

Charlie and Vaggie are adorable together. But it does look like they're going to have some struggles in the show with maybe their relationship. Probably- based on what we've seen in the pilot and the clips for the series, Vaggie is very skeptical about Charlie's whole plan, while Charlie just wants her to trust in her.

All in all, I cannot WAIT to watch Hazbin Hotel, and see where these characters and story lead!

[pevensiechase]

Hi Lexi!!

*finger gun 👉* *attempt at a threatening voice*: this is a robbery, hand over your thoughts about TTPD. (pls 🥺)

I wanna know what you thought of it, what was your favourite song? Most hated song? Theories about lore? Blorbo connections? General impressions?

Oh gosh, I have THOUGHTS

Favorite song: I Can Do It With A Broken Heart and Peter

;alskdfja;lskjf;las;k

ICDIWABH is just so...I love it. Such a mood. Also very sad. My favorite part is "I cry a lot, but I am so productive. It's an art." Also, I LOVE how they have the counting from her in-ears to symbolize The Eras Tour.

AND PETER. It's so bittersweet. And also makes me think of Jason Todd. It gave me a fic idea, and it's been on brainrot rotate for a few days.

Most hated song:

I really don't like doing this, but probably Guilty as Sin? Idk, the biblical references/heresy and innuendos just kinda make me uncomfortable.

Theories about lore:

Idk if this is lore but in How Did It End? Okay, so this one is people asking how it ended (assuming her relationship with Joe), but I also hear it as she's asking herself and Joe how? Like, how could it end? How could it have ended? They were going so well, how could it have ended? Because she thought he was her forever.

And I can't stop thinking about how much she wanted to get married. Like, were they engaged? Did he break it off?

Also, idc what people say, I can't believe that Down Bad is about Matty Healy. He doesn't deserve a heartbroken love song like that to be about him.

Blorbo connections:

I've already connected Peter to Jason in my head. Cassandra as Cass Cain, and Robin as all the Robins. I saw a post saying "don't listen to Robin and imagine Dick singing it to Jason" so that made me sad.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? reminds me of Dick because there are a lot of mirrorball parallels.

General Impressions:

Don't @ me, I'm gonna tear it apart a little bit.

I'm so sick of Jack Antonoff's synth.

A lot of Midnights, 1989 Vault, and TTPD sound THE SAME. And I know, I know, Taylor knows what she is doing, and she trusts Jack, but I'm tired of that freakin' synth. Jack is good, but can bro change it up a bit?

I listened to it all the way through with my friends, so I didn't really have a lot of time to unpack everything *insert John Mulaney "now we don't have time to unpack all that" meme*

But, a lot of them just...didn't make an impression on me. I thought I was gonna like Florida!!! because I like Florence + the Machine, but it just...idk, Flo's voice didn't feel right to me.

I have no memory of the first three songs.

THE BABY LINE IN But Daddy I Love Him. Oh my gosh, that took me out.

I like the Anthology better than the original release.

Overall, the witchy/biblical references kinda weirded me out a bit.

I honestly feel bad for her. She's going through it. The songs are kind of all over the place, and I feel like that kinda represents her mental state. It's a bit unsettling though.

Idk, I didn't like it as much as I thought I would, but there are a few songs that stood out.

[storm-leviosa-fanfics]

Fic Rec List

Third time's the charm, or so they say. Here's another fic rec list.

When in gotham: don't drink the water by @wesslan

This is pretty much crack but in the absolute best way. Gotham's tap water causes some...weird side effects when consumed by humans except no one told Tim that. He's doing his best ok?

My Eyes Are Fitted With Prison Bars (series) by TheFloof (@floof-writes)

neurodivergent yj! love this so much the vibes are impeccable. Tim and Bart have a super sweet relationship here, sharing all those nd traits and I just have loads of feelings.

Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans by Lilac_hyacinth

soft TimBer for the soul! Tim's alone at another school event and Bernard is a good comforting boyfriend (except they're not boyfriends yet shhhh). feat. good dad Bruce, Dana trying very hard, Tim being a photographer, all that good stuff.

Got Stepped on All Over by whaleofatime (@cetaceans-pls)

I have this fic saved as 'fics I would make fanart of if I could draw' and I am Right. It has all my favourite things but most importantly HORSES. Also just like...restores my faith in humanity a little it feels very real in a way I cannot quite explain. (Bruce and Dick race across Mongolia to stop an epidemic which suprisingly does not remind me of covid)

library card by mikkal (@wrencatte)

God I am obsessed with this fic. Libraries deserve all the appreciation and this fic has it in spades. I loved outsider POV fics sometimes and this is a perfect example of a really really good one. If you love Jason loving books and public libraries this fic is for you.

Consultation Work by Mouse_in_this_house

Feral core four, Jason trying his best, Tim being Tim, there is nothing I do not love about this fic. Really good at identifying the strengths and weaknesses of everyone based on their experiences and personalities which I Love.

An (almost) Foolproof Lie by HiddenDreamer67 (@hiddendreamer67)

Secret identity shenanigans + Tim joins the family early = god tier fic

(Tim, in a fit of youthful idiocy, tells Batman Bruce Wayne is his guardian. It all works out...eventually)

Declensions by dustorange (@dustorange)

You know when you think you know a character's origin story and it doesn't need to be told again? Yeah so I would trust dustorange with every character's done to death origin story after reading this. It's Dick Grayson like you've never seen it before and I love it.

miles and miles (in their shoes) by JUBE514 (@jube514)

Sometimes you need a bit of a shove to overcome your differences and Tim and Damian need even more than that. These kids are SO FUCKED UP but this fic is so sensitive about it and it's beautiful.

Black-Clad Bats and Making Money by Gray_Days (@cineresis)

That one fic about the Riddler if he were played by John Mulaney. I'm not normally a first person POV kinda person but this is the exception it is hilarious and also somehow relatable? idk what that says about me.

[the-light-of-animation]

Oh WOW Puss in Boots: The Last Wish was freaking awesome!

I’m so happy this film eventually got made, I’m curious how different it is to when it was originally set to be made all those years ago. Either way it turned out absolutely incredible, really really loved it. I had only seen an image from it but it looked like the animation was a lot simpler than the previous Shrek films, kind of reminding me of The Croods: A New Age (but that turned out gorgeous regardless of the different, less detail focused? style that DWA did so well). And this was film was the same, holy fucking shit the style this film had was amazing, the creativeness and everything was so well designed. It was really different to anything I expected and worked so well with a Puss in Boots story.

Speaking of the story, great freaking story. I was really surprised it was a sequel to the Shrek films and not another prequel, I suppose the one downside to the new animation style is that Puss looked so much younger and at the beginning I thought it was actually a prequel to the first Puss film. But yeah the whole nine lives story and a bunch of characters trying to get the wish was really great, really fun. The humor of this film was so good too. And Puss’ fear of death was done in a really chilling way

And I always loved the Shrek series and their use of Fairy Tales and this film did it in plenty! They truly just went fucking ham on the Fairy Tale stuff hahah. It was so fun to see all of it.

Loved Perrito as well, Harvey Guillén was so good. Was surprised by a lot of the characters and voice actors to be honest. John Mulaney was instantly recognizable and great to hear. Oh and the Cricket was fantastic, so freaking funny! Goldilocks and her family were a really fun and heartfelt part of the story too. And I LOVED those two Serpent Sisters they gave me such unbelievable Tuff & Ruff vibes that it almost felt like it was them hahah. And I love them so much so it was perfect. But it’s funny I thought I recognized Death’s voice but then no I didn’t know the actor. He was amazing though.

But yeah I guess they are making a Shrek 5 as the ending set it up like only a Marvel post-credits scene could hahah. As much as I loved the animation and style this film had, I kind of hope Shrek 5 looks more like the previous films. I just feel like this style would be too out of place for a Shrek story, can’t picture Shrek like that. But anyway they went to Far Far Away though so that must mean Artie’s returning, which has actually got me a bit excited for Shrek 5 even though it does not need to be made at all. But screw it I love these characters and want to see them again.

Anyway, like I’ve said before I was so worried DreamWorks Animation was gonna turn into Illumination 2.0 but it is the complete fucking opposite and it’s been amazing (besides the film we do not speak of). I am so excited for anything and everything they have coming up.

[ghost-proofbaby]

Ok I got one more, unless it's already been done..

1. Lavender Haze

Because unfortunately this is a big fat yes from me. I wish they didn't, but they do. Also Eddie's answer would obviously be a big fat no, which is a major part of why I love him so much. But for real, I would rather die than have people think badly of me if I can help it. 'Enemies to lovers' is also my favourite trope of all time, that mostly consists of people thinking badly of each other. Go figure 🖤

oh bat. oh lord. you want rambles? let's go my friend.

lavender haze — Do you let other people’s opinions of you influence you?

short answer, yes. but long answer? you hit the nail right on the head. as pam beesly and john mulaney both once said along the lines of, i need everyone to like me at all times so badly, and it's really damaging. it's that yearning to be needed, the yearning to be loved, the yearning to belong. i wished i cared less, would live less for others and more for myself, but i don't. i agree that eddie would laugh in the face of that question, because for him it's an obvious no, and i think that's what attracts me to his character. there's a lot to learn there at surface level and someone like him in my life to remind me of that would do me some good, i think. i also adore enemies to lovers, and will never forget that very popular analysis that most people enjoy this trope because we want to be seen, for not just the good but all the ugly, and have someone still come to/learn to/always have loved us. to have someone still love us in the end even when there are parts of us that will never be pretty.

i think everyone cares a little bit, whether exclusively to one or two people in our lives or in cases like mine where it applies to everyone. i think that caring what someone else's opinions are can be helpful, can encourage us to grow, but so often it becomes this slippery slope and we forget we do not solely exist for others. we don't exist for others enjoyment. it surely is nice to have the approval of others, but... if you're only living for that, how much are you really living?

anyways. yeah. i'll get off my high horse. but like i said: short answer is a very loud, very resounding yes.

[kedreeva]

Okay, after a bit of scrolling through the tags and reading other stories, I found the heartbeat story, among others, and I can safely say that I am both in awe and in fear of whatever strange happenings are going on where you live. It all sort of reminds me of those "Regional Gothic" posts that you sometimes stumble upon while traversing the tags on this site, or happen across a repost somewhere like Instagram or Pinterest. It's very much giving me those sort of vibes, both from the things that are said to be occurring as well as the way you write them. It's all just strange and off-putting in a delightfully eerie way in text format, and I can only imagine what it must be like experiencing things like this firsthand the way you have.

With everything strange and surreal that's been happening over time I'm glad that it seems like the most harm you're ever put in, at least based on the stories I scrolled to, is having to experience the inconvenience of a couple of cursed Wendy's interactions.

It's because I keep going to the cursed Wendy's instead of the nice one.

Honestly, surreal horror is my favorite thing to write, so I'm not really bothered by my personal experiences with weird things. It's like living in that john mulaney gif of "this may as well happen."

[suckitsurveys]

How many pieces of gum have you chewed today? Zero, I rarely chew gum.

Any big events coming up? I have a meeting I’m running at work on Wednesday which is pretty big and I’m gunna probably throw up during it. But then I have a concert on Thursday (S Club hahahahah) and then Sunday we are leaving for the Dells for a couple days.

Do you know anyone who is paralyzed? Yes.

What did you do last night? I started packing for the trip I just mentioned because I am That Person. Then I watched John Mulaney’s special New In Town. Then I got a buncha lunch stuff ready for work for the week.

By doing that, what time did you go to bed? Like 11 maybe.

And what time did you wake up this morning? 4:45am.

Have you been debating anything recently? Well yeah now I am debating on even getting tickets the Vampire Weekend show in July because I thought the plan was always that my friend was going to come to Chicago to see it with me but it happens to be on the same weekend she has a camping trip planned and I don’t know anyone else who would go with me.

Who was the last person to text you? My husband.

Are there icicles on the sides of your house? Not right now.

Do you get intimidated easily? Little bit, yeah.

Does anything on your body hurt currently? My back, always. I need someone to dig their elbows into me.

Are you often trying to escape the inevitable? Blah.

What were the first words you said today? Something to my cat because she was SCREAMING at me this morning.

Which lyric is your favorite from the song you are listening to? I’m not listening to anything.

Does it hold any memories? --

Why did you last cry? Tik Toks.

Did someone see you crying? My husband.

Do you crack your knuckles? Yeah.

Is it really going to give you arthritis? Probably oh well.

Are you excited for the new year? It just started.

List three things you are excited for in ‘09? Oh good LORD I don’t need to be reminded of myself in 09.

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? Lock screen is a signed polaroid of Michael Longfellow from SNL and my home screen is just purple hearts.

Where is your best friend right now? Two are definitely asleep and two are at home.

Can you count to 100 in any other language? Spanish.

Do you headbang often? Nope.

Magenta or orchid? Magenta.

Are you a fan of Rob Zombie? Eh.

Last two songs you listened to? The two new Vampire Weekend singles, Gen X Cops and Capricorn.

Are there any shoes you are really wanting? Yes I need a pair of every day sneakers so bad and I keep going back and forth over these pairs of slip on Converse.

Describe what you are wearing? Jeans and a red shirt and a purple pull over hoodie.

Look out the window - what do you see? The building next to ours.

Television or computer? Both.

Germany or France? France.

Hawthorne Heights or She Wants Revenge? HH I guess.

Is your skin sensitive? Yes.

Are you sensitive in general? Sure.

Who last left you a note? I don’t know.

Have you ever made a gingerbread house? Yup.

Who did you last get in a fight with? It’s been a bit since that happened.

Are things resolved between the two of you now? ---

Did you have any weird dreams last night? Not that I know of.

Tell me one thing you remember from it? ---

Lets have some lyrics to end this, yeah? Don’t think I’ve left you all behind I still love you and Tennessee, You’re always on my mind And mama, every Saturday, I can hear your Southern drawl A thousand miles away

[dolphs-world]

August 26th, Louie

I've watched a lot of movies, including a couple for school. I won't talk about those ones, they didn't really interest me. I hope next week's one is good! Also rewatched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, still great and felt less slow this time although a bit less impactful and still don't really like the time jump, and Burn After Reading, better than the first time and may be the Coen's best film although still had a weak ending, as in the final scene not sequence, and they just kind of dropped Tilda Swindon. And George Clooney's wife shouldn't have been cheating on him, Lame! Ranking: 1. Spongebob 2 2. Puss in Boots 2 3. Barbie - watched twice! 4. Logan Lucky - need to watch again because it was 2am 5. Age of Innocence - I think some of the dialogue flew over my head, was like reading Shakespeare, but still very good Don't know where to put A.I But all of these were good 6. Licorice Pizza And not for the "controversies" around the film, grow up. I did laugh out loud at several points but I think I was laughing at the movie. So, it has that over There Will Be Blood but that was acted well, this was not. Oh yeah, should mention that I hate Paul Thomas Anderson movies. I've seen about half of them and the only one I kind of liked was Boogie Nights, and that was only halfway decent. Don't get me started on Magnolia. The first 15 minutes, which is unrelated to the rest of the film, is the best part and completely lies about the weird coincidences and interconnectivity of the universe. I really wish that the first 'ensemble' type movie I saw wasn't Love Actually because it's, so far, been the best in terms of bringing it all together. And that one didn't even promise to, unlike Magnolia. Take your Bible symbolism and shove it up your ass! But yeah, Licorice Pizza sucked. Hated everyone, disjointed plot, poor acting. Was cool reading people talk about the theme of maturity and how the characters performed it but was not fun to watch. Logan Lucky, I think I missed something because it seemed less clever than it tried to be. But still a lot of fun. Puss in Boots 2, wish it wasn't as overhyped as it was. It was no Spiderverse or Shrek 1 or 2. But still better than the rest, and I actually think the first Puss in Boots is good. Antonio Banderas is so charming, Salma Hayek is still not a good actor but is fucking hot as hell, Perrito, this guy think he Donkey :laughingcrying:, Death's whistle reminded me of Earthbound, Goldilocks and the 3 bears grew on me, didn't really like the music, favourite fearless hero grew out it's welcome, John Mulaney stole the show. Wish I didn't know some of the more funny lines but still laughed a lot. Fun little diatribe, in Shrek 1, the 3 bears are captured. Later we see Papa bear comforting a crying Baby bear. Later still we see a bear skin rug with a bow on it in Lord Farquaad's castle. How Morbid! Then, I watched Spongebob 2. Also had Antonio Banderas. Was not as good as the first. That Reggae song tryin' to be Ocean Man so bad :laughingcrying":. But, still fixed my only real problem with the first movie, no Sandy. Still not enough Sandy. It's weird, I'd say she's more important than Patrick in the show. Anyways, I know she got her just due in the musical. Another fun diatribe, I recorded a video of myself reacting to the trailer of this film almost a decade ago. Never saw it till this month. Was very fun, great idea to have Plankton and Spongebob team up. Did lose the plot a bit when the squidasaurus showed up. And whilst the CGI was incredible, the superhero stuff was not as good. Still, really fun, laughed a lot, and great that Squidward got abs.

[newmsies]

What do u think of the song Brooklyn's Here? It's one of my favorite and the lyrics make me laugh. It's so like aggressive but at the same time really funny. That song and newsies overall reminds me of John Mulaney's standup bit about middle schoolers being terrifying.

that's an amazing thing for it to remind you of omg, it's so aggr in the I'm-trying-to-intimidate-you-but-don't-know-how way 😭 it's one of my favourite songs too tbh i can and have listened to it on repeat for days at a time 🫶🫶 (also sorry i got to this so late)

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Let's Call It Funny

Prompt: Hi! If you know about those gen z peter parker posts, could your write something based on that? With Steve Getting It (tm) because fatalistic nihilism in humor tended to show up during the world wars and we’re seeing a reflection of that now? Sorry- I just think it’d make great options for steve and peter bonding, and dad!tony but actual emotions (gasp!) You can totally ignore this if you want!

Don't ever apologize for giving me such a great ask

Read on Ao3 Part 2

Warnings: uhhh gen z humor

Pairings: none! all found family in this bitch

Word Count: 2529

Here’s the thing about humor. It’s not necessarily that one generation is any funnier than another, it’s just that high school kids are perpetually the funniest people alive. Something about being in a pressure cooker of an environment with a bunch of other people whose bodies are changing in new unpredictable ways whilst having very little say in how their lives go creates humor. Gasp of shock, right?

So basically what Peter’s trying to say is that he’s fucking hilarious.

Come on, not only does he have the default high schooler stuff, he’s also gay, which gives him an instant bonus. He’s trans, which opens up a whole new subset of humor for him to explore. He’s neurodivergent as fuck, and we all know that makes people funny as hell. And if that weren’t enough, he’s severely traumatized and he’s Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is funny as hell.

What is truly devastating—and really, it’s their loss—is that so few people seem to appreciate it.

Ned gets it. Ned’s not someone Peter would expect to not get it, just because hey, it’s Ned. They’ve met each other in the hallways and been like ‘hey! You’re still alive! Congrats on having a body!’ Only for the other one to go ‘hey! You’re alive too! I wish I had an intangible form!’

Because bodies are stupid and evolution really fucked us over but at least we’re not horses.

A solid 50% of their interactions are just quoting John Mulaney and Bo Burnham bits back and forth at each other. Peter’s never gonna forget the day they both had detention and had to watch that stupid Cap PSA—it’s propaganda, you Nazi fuckwits—and something reminded them of the ‘horse loose in a hospital’ bit and they just did it. Full out. Stood up and did the actions and everything. The rest of the room was either trying to do it with them—and failing, because they didn’t have nearly enough practice—or looking so confused. The security guard—Paul, he’s great—just looked at them blearily after they finished and went:

“I mean, you kids are right, but you’re not supposed to talk in detention.”

Well, excuse them for trying to make it more entertaining for everyone.

MJ gets it. If Peter’s being honest, he learned most of his humor from her. She is the master and it is an honor to study in her wake. He’s definitely hijacked the asking whether or not anything’s actually meaningful existentialism jokes and they’ve wormed their way into his day-to-day repertoire.

“Why are you late, Mr. Parker?”

“Time is a social construct, Mrs. B, none of us are ever late or early except in the subjective spacetime paths. The limits of our sensory perception make it so we can’t tell if anything is real, let alone whether or not they conform to some arbitrary definition of ‘time.’”

“…just sit down, Peter.”

See? It works.

Aunt May gets…worried.

Sure, they’ve actually talked about when Peter needs help and wants to reach out and when he’s just making jokes off the cuff because hey, humor’s a great coping mechanism or it’s just a joke and not that serious. Peter loves his Aunt May, so so so much, and the last thing he wants to do is really worry her. And she’s gotten pretty good at figuring out when he’s just joking and when he’s spiraling.

Sometimes, though…

“Peter,” Aunt May calls from the kitchen, “did you remember to stop by the store on your way home?”

Peter freezes halfway through the door.

“Peter?”

He swallows. “…no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I am too stressed and consumed by the swirling pit of blackness deep in my soul to remember my head is connected to my body, let alone remember to go to the store.”

Silence.

“…Aunt May?”

“Do you want to drop off your stuff and then go to the store?”

“…yeah, please.”

“Love you, Pete.”

“Love you!”

“Try to remember that you’ve got arms so you can pick stuff up.”

“Got it!”

See? It’s fine.

The Avengers don’t get it. Like, at all.

Natasha and Clint like, sorta get it? They make the same jokes all the time when they think Peter can’t hear them, which—come on, you guys are super spies, surely you know people are gonna hear you when they’re gonna hear you. Natasha will make a crack about something, Clint will laugh and shove her shoulder. It’s their dynamic, we get it. But when Peter does it…

“Hey, Baby Spider?”

Peter sticks his head up from the ceiling. “Yeah?”

“Where’re you crawling off to?”

“I’m gonna go hide in the garage.”

Natasha blinks up at him. “Why?”

“Because if I get crushed by the airlock doors then I won’t have to do my paper tomorrow.”

Silence. Natasha’s mask is too good for Peter to actually see what’s going on with her, let alone from this angle, but silence isn’t good.

“Nat—oof!”

Something blurs out of the vent nearby and tackles him down onto the couch.

“Clint!”

“Nope,” Clint mutters, wrapping Peter up in a hug as Natasha comes to join them. “You’re staying with us now, Pete.”

“Guys, I’m fine.”

“Peter,” Natasha says softly, “don’t joke about that, you’ll make us worry.”

“I don’t wanna do that,” Peter mumbles, “but it’s fine.”

“Coping mechanism, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“He���s got too many brain cells to do that,” Clint says, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Stark has a lot of brain cells, you see what good that does him?”

“Hmm. Guess you’re gonna have to stay awhile, Pete.”

There are worse fates. Definitely.

Thor just kind of gets confused by it. He acts like Peter isn’t going to be absolutely fine because there’s no need to do anything like that. No, Peter, you don’t have to put the bleach in first into your cereal, there’s plenty of milk left over. No, Peter, you don’t have to throw yourself off the roof because your laptop is freezing, Stark has so many just lying around. No, Peter, you don’t have to pack a rucksack and run away to the Alps and live like a recluse, come here and get a hug.

Peter suspects Thor’s playing dumb on purpose. The man is smart as hell, there’s no way all of this is flying over his head. And honestly, it warms his heart a little bit when he sees Thor’s sincere, concerned look when he thinks Peter’s not looking.

Banner and Rhodey just kinda shake their heads and move on. They’re used to it. They live and work with some of the most dramatic fucking people in the goddamn universe, they’re used to a little bit of extra humor. Occasionally one of them will give him a look that says he’s pushing his luck, but that’s not often. Less often now ‘cause he knows what he can get away with. He’s also seen them hiding smiles behind their hands or poorly disguised coughs. They’re not as slick as they think they are.

Tony.

Tony is the fucking worst.

Peter can’t get away with so much as sighing too hard before Iron Dad™ is swooping in all soft words and concerned touches. Jesus. You’d think he’d get it, he uses humor as a coping mechanism too, goddamnit, why is he so worried about Peter?

Okay, fine, he knows why.

MJ’s over at the Tower, having another one of her ‘sketch people in crisis’ appointments with Natasha. Peter is coming off of a 32-hour caffeine rush and is violently wishing for death. Tony is in the kitchen doing…something.

“Hey, do you think bleach would make a good smoothie?”

Tony wheels around to see MJ pulling a glass out of the cupboard.

“Kid—“

“Sounds like a filling breakfast,” Peter groans, “can you make me one too?”

“…I’m legitimately concerned,” comes Tony’s mutter.

MJ ignores him. “Who’s the bitch on your forehead?”

Peter rubs absentmindedly at the massive knot on his head, courtesy of a wall that rudely decided to move at the last second while Peter was attempting to walk through a doorway. “He’s called DJ Braindeath and he’s my only friend in the world.”

“Peter—“

“Oh did you meet him at the furry convention?"

“Technically it’d be a buggie convention.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?”

“The pantry doesn’t have good coffee, I’m going to Starbucks.” MJ grabs her bag. “You want anything?”

“A will to live?”

“Peter, what the fuck—“

“Oof, I’ve only got like…20 bucks.”

Peter lets his head drop back to the counter. “Then just leave me here to die.”

“Can I have champagne at your funeral?”

“I’ll be dead, I won’t fucking care.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

Then MJ’s gone and Peter gets treated to a 20-minute conversation with a very concerned Tony Stark that he doesn’t remember most of because hey caffeine crashes aren’t fun.

He definitely does it on purpose sometimes just to wind Tony up. Like there’s this one incident with an interview he does as Spider-Man and he gets asked what he thinks about Tony Stark’s newest intern, Peter Parker.

“That boy’s an embarrassment, just…complete failure. Can’t speak without stuttering through every other word and self-esteem issues all over the place. Also looks like he got dressed in the dark.”

The reporter had awkwardly moved on to another question. The interview aired later that day while Peter was at the Tower. Tony sat next to him on the couch about halfway through.

“You look good, Pete.”

Peter had mumbled halfheartedly, only to hear the reporter ask the same question.

“See, that’s the problem with having a secret identity, you don’t…” Tony trailed off as he heard the answer.

Peter snorted as Spider-Man finished talking. “Say that to my face, you bitch, get a real job. At least I don’t look like someone vomited silly string all over my spandex.”

“Are you okay?”

See? Fun.

The only one he’s made a conscious effort to not be this funny around is Steve.

Because, okay, here’s the thing. Steve’s disappointed look has no effect on him anymore. He’s immune, motherfuckers, he’s had detention too many times for it to still work. Here’s the other thing: Steve doesn’t actually use that tone of voice that often. It’s this meticulously crafted image he plays up in interviews because it catches all the bad guys so off guard when Captain America is suddenly swearing a blue streak at them and telling them to go fuck themselves in, honestly, quite creative ways. The sincere Steve Rogers disappointment and concern still very much works. Also doesn’t help that Steve does caring so fucking well, like…who gave him the right to say a few things and hold Peter like he’s something precious and do the quick one-two punch of saying a super sincere compliment and following it up with ‘I love you.’ Who did that? It’s rude. Stop it.

And yeah, Steve’s the resident Mom at the Ready. It’s a risk to even sit on your bed looking sad ‘cause here he comes, wearing something snuggly and saying ‘hey’ in that stupid, stupid compassionate voice. So Peter knows he’s just gonna end up crying from too much soft if Steve actually gets concerned. Which won’t be fair because he’s gonna try and explain that he’s fine and it’s just his sense of humor while crying. Yeah, like that’s gonna be believable.

So he’s trying not to but damnit it’s hard.

Then he walks into the kitchen one day to see Steve struggling with the toaster.

It’s one of Tony’s new prototypes—which means that anyone struggling with it is so fair—and from the looks of it, it’s managed to not only burn the bread to a crisp, but also mangle the slices beyond recognizable shape.

Peter’s not paying that much attention. He’s on his phone, heading towards his spot in the corner with the beanbag chairs and definitely doesn’t recognize Steve as he goes.

He only plops down and hears someone declare, in a completely deadpan voice: “There is no point to existing at all.”

“Oh, mood.”

He doesn’t think much of it. He doesn’t even know who said that, that’s how hyper-focused he is right now. He hears the others come in and feels Clint plonk down next to him.

“Hey, Pete.”

“Sah, dude.”

“Just vibing. Did I do it right?”

“Yeah, man you’re going great.”

“You teach Thor ‘yeet’ yet?”

“We’re getting there.”

“Steve,” he hears Tony call from the kitchen, “what the fuck did you do?”

“Language.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about language when you’re making toast that looks like a goddamn welder’s table, what is that?”

“Your prototype’s work, I imagine.”

“How did you even—“

Clint chuckles next to him as the two of them start fondly bickering. Peter’s too busy speedrunning the five stages of grief in his head.

Did…did Steve say the thing about there being no point to existence at all?

No…no way.

He must be imagining things.

Then, of course, there’s a chime on his phone.

Ned: Did u do the bio hw?

There was bio homework?

Ned: yeah, due at noon

“I now know why God abandoned this timeline and when will death come to take me?”

The room goes silent.

Shit.

“Peter,” Clint says, “it’s gonna be fine, you can do bio homework in your sleep—“

“Are you okay?” Ah, that’s Thor.

“Kid—“

And Nat, and Tony’s probably rushing over here as he speaks.

Then there’s another voice.

“We can only pray the reaper arrives early for his appointment with us, kid.”

Peter’s head snaps up.

Steve.

Steve fucking Rogers raises a coffee cup at him in salute and takes a sip. He makes a face.

“…that was definitely salt,” he mutters, before shrugging and downing the whole thing.

…what?

Peter’s still staring at him until he catches his gaze and winks.

Oh, fuck yes.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Tony says, hands on his hips, “explain.”

Steve just gives him a look. “I grew up in the Great Depression, Tony, and I was in the army. You don’t think I have a fatalistic sense of humor?”

“Plus the fact that most of my generation is resorting to types of humor found when death and stress are so ever-present that you have to joke about it says something,” Peter adds, “doesn’t it?”

Steve raises his cup again. “See? He gets it.”

And just like that, the bond between Peter Parker and Steve Rogers was written, formed, and sealed in salt and existentialist depression.

“There’s two of you,” Tony mumbles, “oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Oh, you just wait ’til Buck and Sam get back.”

Peter can’t fucking wait.

[dragonsareourfuture]

Death Note as Stand-Up Comedians

Mello

- he’s allowed to complain about Near in front of an auditorium full of people as long as it’s in the form of a joke — of course he loves it.

- He has a lot of passion up on stage. The audience loves it because it makes them feel really immersed into the show.

- Mello has a tendency to get really loud when he gets really into a joke or bit, so the tech crew has gotten used to lowering the volume on his mic as the show progresses and he gets louder and louder.

- Mello has a harsh sense of humor, often using exaggerations and sarcasm to accentuate a point.

- He would tell stories from his time at Wammy’s house, mainly the chaos moments with Matt because the rest is pretty traumatizing for him.

- It’s his style that draws people in and his sense of humor that keeps them there. He has a very unique clothing style and, even when his managers suggested he dress down for the show as to not scare people away, he refused. He said that he would rather show who he is upfront and let the public decide whether or not to invest time in him than fake his personality for people he doesn’t know or give a shit about. They got the hint pretty quickly after that.

- He would sometimes do joined shows with Matt, which is quite interesting. Their dynamic works perfectly on stage and they even weave jokes that weren’t scripted into the show to keep each other on their toes.

Matt

- He’s a pretty chill guy, so I picture his sense of humor as pretty dry. Not in a bad way, of course. For instance, he tends to say the most hilarious things with a straight face and flat tone, which somehow makes the joke even funnier.

- He likes to involve the audience a lot, so gags where he (with permission) takes an audience member’s phone and reads their texts aloud are common. Somehow he can make jokes about the most mundane of text conversations and have the audience howling.

- Like I mentioned earlier, he and Mello’s contrasting senses of humor work for a perfect dynamic when performing, so shows where they’re together are the audience’s favorite. But even though Mello’s wild passion can take the spotlight at times, Matt is never overshadowed as they’re both sure to include the other in any bit or joke they do.

- For no reason at all I think Matt it great at imitations and impressions of different people. So, like when he’s doing a bit and speaking for someone else he can assign voices for everyone and the audience knows who he’s supposed to be speaking as in that moment. Usually these people are only known to him and Mello, so the audience can’t tell how exactly spot on he is. His impression of Near gets Mello wheezing, and his Mello impression gets the audience wheezing with Mello constantly claiming “I don’t sound like that, idiot!” With the audience shouting “YES YOU DO!”

L

- L’s sense of humor tends to require a specific taste, which is why he would probably be one of the least successful of the bunch.

- Don’t get me wrong, his sense of humor is adorable and one of the best aspects of Death Note in my opinion, but it comes in short and random bursts. He’d be talking about something serious and then crack a joke (“yEs tHat mUst Be dArK”), so it requires patience to really get to his sense of humor.

- The audience, I feel, wouldn’t have the patience to stick around and wait for his humor to surface.

- But L would have a cult following of a specific group of people that appreciate his talents.

- I’m picturing a show in which he starts off by talking about some cases, and transition to jokes from there. Due to his occupation, many jokes involve a darker sense of humor but also contain surprisingly innocent little remarks or comments. I can’t really explain it better, it makes sense in my head but I’m not too sure how to put it into words.

- Most of the show he keeps his straight face, but when he gets the audience going from something he said he can’t help but crack a little smile and chuckle into the mic pretty bashfully.

Near

- I’m sorry but Near doesn’t have too much of a sense of humor. But he does do or say some of the most hilarious shit on accident.

- It was actually Halle that convinced him to take up stand up comedy, as she got to spend tons of time just sitting and talking with him, cracking up at something Near said while he just stared at her in confusion.

- She had complete and total confidence that just plopping Near on stage and telling him to “just talk” would get the audience going, so she took him to a bar that did stand up comedy nights. Near absolutely killed it.

- Eventually he learns what the public finds funny through experimentation and tells those kinds of jokes more often, learning to perfect his craft. Through this method he is able to go from ‘accidentally funny’ to ‘intentionally hilarious’.

Light

- I wholeheartedly believe that Light has no sense of humor. Period.

- Sure, he’s accidentally funny sometimes but not enough to fake it ‘til he makes it like Near did.

- So he gets someone else to write his show for him. He’s just a pretty face, and the person who wrote his show is mentioned once or twice but who really cares about them? It’s Light who’s doing all the work, obviously. He’s the one getting sweaty up on stage.

- Honestly he barely has a sense of humor he’s probably just do it as a side thing for recognition or like most youtubers who write a book or start a podcast.

Matsuda

- Okay so, I definitely think that Matsuda would be one of the most successful stand up comedians out of all of them.

- He’s just so bubbly and kind and just genuinely a wonderful person so who could walk out of a show if his unsatisfied? No one. That’s who.

- My mans here has the opportunity to make so many self deprecating jokes due to how the task force treats him and how he’s just overall looked at as inferior to everyone he works with. And guess what? He doesn’t take that opportunity at all. He thinks self worth is the most important thing in the world and instead focuses his jokes around break room stories and observations of every day life.

- However if he ever does make a self deprecating joke, it’s never with any hatred towards himself. Like, he’ll joke about how his recklessness got him in trouble with Yotsuba, but instead of cursing the trait he has, he always expresses his hopes to get better and learn from his mistakes. Meanwhile the audience is dying at how he tells the story with so much energy and just— ...he’s wonderful.

- He just reminds me of John Mulaney when I picture a show of his.

- He’s pretty goofy by nature and you can tell that he’s enjoying himself up on stage, watching him laugh at his own jokes and beam at the audience with a smile so bright it could rival the spotlight shining down on him.

- He also really likes the attention, having been pushed to the side for so long.

- He’s just overall a really nice and positive guy while also being hilarious to listen to. 10/10.

Misa

- With her already existing music career and fashion career, people know her pretty well. Therefore, there is a HOARD of people waiting to see how she fairs at something so different from her previous career paths.

- And y’know what? Misa’s great at it.

- I’d like to imagine she’s out of her terrible relationship with Light in this au and realize how messed up he was, so I think she’d do a lot of clowning Light in her shows.

- She will kinda mix the comedy with valuable life lessons on relationships, so a lot of fans come up to her and thank her because they let their kids watch her shows and they’ve learned so much from her while being entertained for a good hour.

- Also her voice is so cute and pleasant to listen to I would gladly listen to her talk for a week let alone an hour.

- I imagine her style of show and humor to be along the lines of straight up ranting and just talking her heart out. You know that friend that can talk for hours but it’s okay because they make everything, even the most mundane things, sound dramatic and fun and lively? Yeah, that’s her.

[owlbebackhoothoot]

My husband and I are finally getting through Persona 5 Royal after playing P5 years ago and I can't believe I'm only just now realizing what a garbage school Shujin is.

I mean, the whole Kamoshida thing starts us off with a bang, but then it gets worse because, like, every week you find out more and more people knew about the whole thing and were just keeping it quiet for the sake of a fucking volleyball team. Was it in the first years’ welcome packet? ‘Welcome to Shujin, don’t let yourself be in a room alone with Kamoshida unless you’re REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT VOLLEYBALL in that case time to take one for the Shujin team.'

Becky is an objectively terrible teacher. Even excluding the whole maid service thing. She constantly complains about her job, her life, other students, etc. to any student who pauses long enough to listen and all she can think about when the Kamoshida thing blows up is how it’s going to fuck up her life.

Principal Shapes is an objective terribly principal. He keeps dumping his evil responsibilities on a literal teenager, up to and including stopping organized crime in Shibuya?!

Why the fuck is a grief counselor teaching classes???

Everything comes to a boil with the Hawaii trip:

Nobody even seems to remember this trip is happening until a week beforehand, the school included.

The teachers who are supposed to chaperone can’t go because they’re all being questioned by the police, so what does the school do? Cancel the trip? Of course not! Instead of qualified adults, let’s just send the third years to watch over the second years! Jesus Christ, this is literally John Mulaney’s Horses Watching Dogs bit.

Maybe ‘qualified’ was a strong word for the adults because even though Becky specifically bitches about not getting to go because she has to talk to the police, she still shows up in Hawaii to stare at her bikini’d ass in a mirror without locking any doors.

Speaking of Haru, I love her but do you think she has what it takes to tell kids slightly younger than her what to do? Makoto, sure, she’s probably a great shusher, but if some Shujin second year walks past Haru with a big old bag of weed he bought off a white guy with dreads down on the beach all Haru is going to do is remind him not to smoke it indoors or the hotel is going to charge them a cleaning fee, and she’s not going to be particularly forceful about it, either.

Look, I have never been a teenager in Japan, so I don’t know anything about high school there, but any trip my high school planned was HIGHLY regimented. Activities for every minute of the day, roll call before we went anywhere, hell I wasn’t even allowed to have a container of Tylenol on me for headaches. Meanwhile, as far as I can tell, Shujin put all these kids on a plane, got them to their hotel, and then just told them to do whatever for four days. Total anarchy. If my school had dumped my junior class on an island thousands of miles away, there would have been a handful of arrests and potentially an international incident, a bunch of girls would have come back pregnant, and a few kids would have disappeared entirely.

This is just the first six months of the game, ffs.

In conclusion, Shujin deserves to be in the news.

[kueble]

"Christmas Tree Farm" and Geraskier for the Christmas prompts please!

Thank you for this!  I’m still taking prompts from the Winter/Christmas music list. Especially if anyone wants to send me some of the fluffier ones lol.

---

Geralt doesn’t hate the Christmas season, but he definitely hates working during it.  He’s used to spending time in the greenhouse or on the back acres by himself, hands covered in dirt and sweat beading at his brow.  This seems fake.  He’s standing around, waiting for customers to pick out a tree - a tree that will be dead at the end of the month - and has to try and exude cheerfulness instead of his usual gruff personality.

“It pays the bills,” Eskel reminds him as he walks by, bringing yet another giant thermos of hot chocolate to the table next to the register that’s already overladen with cookies and marshmallows.  He’s right, of course, so Geralt ignores the little boy screaming at the top of his lungs for a bigger tree and scans the lot to see who might need help.

He’s about to wander over towards a couple of ladies struggling to get their tree on top of their Subaru, but Eskel is quicker.  Then there’s a flash of royal blue in his peripheral and someone crashes into him.  Geralt steadies them and manages to keep them both from falling down on the gravel.  “I’m so sorry!” is shouted into his chest.  

He looks down and he forgets how to breathe when he sees the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen looking up at him with a worry in his eyes.  And fuck if those eyes aren’t the clearest, deepest blue he’s ever seen.  He’s currently chewing at his lower lip and looking up at Geralt from under the brim of his ridiculous knit hat.  It’s white with a little brim and has an obnoxiously large crocheted yellow flower on it.  There are tiny curls of chestnut hair peeking out from under the brim, and Geralt wants nothing more than to run his hands through it and see if it’s as soft as it looks.

“I’m, ah...I’m good now,” the man says with a giggle, and Geralt realizes he’s still holding onto him.

“Right, sorry,” Geralt mumbles and offers a small smile.  Then he realizes he’s working and adds, “Can I help you with anything?”

“That’s a dangerous offer,” the man snorts.  “But yes.  I’ve never had a real tree before?  So if you could give me - a man who regularly kills his houseplants - a quick rundown of what I’m getting myself into, I’d really appreciate it.”

“Never?”

“My parents weren’t really big on it when I was little,” he says with a shrug.  He licks his lips nervously before continuing, “And I kinda just got kicked out of my house because they caught me making out with one of my dad’s friends during the most boring dinner party ever?  So like, I have no fucking clue what I’m doing but I just moved into town and I have an apartment and a job, so it’s gotta be good?  But yeah, I want to Christmas the fuck out of my space just because I can now.”

“That’s a lot to deal with,” Geralt responds, already vowing to do whatever he can to make this perfect angel of a man happy.

“Christ, I’m sorry,” he laughs.  “I’m such a disaster.  I feel like that John Mulaney bit. I’m new in town, and it gets worse!”

“Oh, I don’t know him. Is he new in town, too?” Geralt asks, because honestly he rarely leaves the property their greenhouse is on.  He’s too quiet for most people to deal with, so he just stopped trying.

“He’s a comedian,” the man says with another giggle.  “How about I start over.  Thank you very much for stopping me from falling on my face.  Care to help me pick out a tree I can hopefully keep alive for the next few weeks?  I’m Jaskier, by the way.”  He holds out his hand and Geralt shakes it, getting lost on the fact that he has the same crocheted yellow flowers all over his gloves.

“This is brutal, so allow me to help.  This is Geralt and he is also very gay and awkard,” Lambert steps over and chimes in.  He claps Geralt on the shoulder and continues on his way.  How long has he been standing here, watching him flounder in the face of all this beauty?  He hates his brothers sometimes.

“I’m bi, actually.  But that’s not something you clarify while your parents are telling you to pack what you can and get out, you know?” Jaskier tells him.  Geralt wants to wrap his arms around him and make him feel better, but they just met and he knows his face isn’t half as friendly as the other man’s.  So instead he places a hand on the small of his back and guides him towards the smaller trees.

“Let’s get you hooked up, then,” Geralt says as they walk together.

“Not really what I came here for, but I’m game if you are,” Jaskier grins at him.

“I uh...trees,” Geralt replies, before he goes into a long ramble about what to look for in a tree and how to take care of one.  He knows he’s spending way too much time on one customer, but Lambert will have his back on this one, especially after being such an ass.

They wander around the lot, Geralt pointing out trees and Jaskier hemming and hawing over them before they move on to the next one.  Normally he’d be annoyed with a customer taking so long to pick out the mythical perfect tree, but Geralt finds he likes his company.  He learns little tidbits about Jaskier while they talk.  He’s a musician slash middle school English teacher and moved into the first town that offered him a teaching position.  His rush to pack and get out of his parents’ house means his apartment is pretty sparse, but his excitement about decorating for the holiday and making it feel like a home is contagious.  Geralt finds himself rooting for the man, already feels oddly invested that things work out for him.

He shares more than he means to, handing out little details of his life that he normally reserves for his brothers.  Something about Jaskier feels safe, though.  Like Geralt’s known him for ages already.  Plus the way he lights up at each new crumb of information is way too adorable for Geralt to resist.

“Hold on,” Jaskier interrupts him and holds up a hand.  “You don’t even like Christmas trees?”

“Not really my thing?” Geralt admits with a shrug.  He usually hangs a wreath on his door and calls it a job well done.  There’s no need to decorate a full tree when it’s just him.  His cabin seems too empty for it.

“Yet you work on a Christmas tree farm?”

“I work in a nursery,” Geralt laughs.  “The rest of the year it’s just me and the plants, happily covered head to toe in dirt.”

“What a surprisingly welcome mental image,” Jaskier winks.  “So what’s your favorite time of the year then, if it’s not Christmas?  What plants are your favorites to grow?”  And no one’s ever bothered to ask that before. Geralt feels his cheeks heating up at the attention and ducks his head a little before answering.

“The mums in the fall.  The colors are so rich and they just...make it feel like autumn, you know?”

“I think I do,” Jaskier says wistfully.  “I can picture you like that.  All wrapped up in one of those ridiculously large plaid scarves with a cup of mulled cider in your hands.  Maybe I’ll get to see it one day.”

“Well, I’m here all year,” Geralt says, mostly because he’s an idiot.  He cringes and almost misses the smirk Jaskier shoots his way before grabbing him by the arm and pointing at the next tree.

“This is the one!  It’s perfect,” Jaskier cries out.  The tree is one of the shorter balsam firs, but it’s nice and fat with plenty of fluffy branches just begging for decorations to be hung from them.  He can picture Jaskier trimming it, wearing one of those hideous Christmas sweaters and singing carols to himself as he adds ornaments to it.  His chest feels tight, a strange pull that makes me want to be a part of that scene, but he shrugs it off and helps Jaskier get the tree tied down to the top of his car.

The walk to the register at the front of the parking lot seems to drag on, but Geralt can’t find an excuse to keep this ray of sunshine with him any longer.  Because there’s no way the cheerful man feels the same way.  Geralt knows he’s a bit too gruff, a bit too serious for most people.  He frowns and pushes away the silly thought of asking the man for his number.  There’s no use.

“Oh!  These are so pretty, too.  I simply must have one, possibly two,” Jaskier exclaims at the poinsettias displayed near the front of the lot.  He picks up two and places them on the counter next to the register before smiling at Geralt again.

“Do you have any cats?” Geralt asks quickly.

“No, why?”

“They’re poisonous to cats.  Just wanted to make sure,” he explains, shrugging as he starts to ring up the sale.  He tries not to think about how this is the end of whatever daydream he’s been living in for the past half hour.  It’s just far too easy to picture them together, just spending time with one another, maybe curled up by the fire in Geralt’s cabin or sprawled out on top of his bedsheets.

“I think I’ve got you figured out,” Jaskier beams at him.  “You pretend not to like all of this holiday nonsense, but you’re not about to let some idiot poison his cat.  You have this whole grumpy exterior, but inside you’re secretly sweet.  Like a...like a chocolate covered espresso bean or something.  Wait, that’s backwards isn’t it?  You’re not secretly bitter.  Least I hope not.  Like a Sour Patch Kid, then. Delightfully sour, but I’d really like to enjoy the sweetness on the inside.  And now I’m rambling again, so I will shut up and pretend I’m a functional human being.” He trails off with a sad chuckle, and Geralt suddenly realizes that this chemistry might not be as one-sided as he first thought.

“You’re cute,” he grunts out, grinning when Jaskier bites his lip and smiles shyly at him.  “Let me take you out sometime?”

“Yes, a million times yes,” Jaskier smiles wider at him, and Gerlalt rips off a piece of register tape and scribbles his number down on it.

“Text me and we’ll figure it out,” he tells him.  They stand there just looking at each other with dumb smiles on their faces for a few moments, but then Eskel is barking out an order at him and Geralt knows he has to get back to work.

“Looking forward to it,” Jaskier grabs his plants and shoots him one more easy grin before walking away.  Geralt watches him go for a few seconds but then hurries over to help Eskel with whatever he’s yelling about.  And for the first time in years, he has hope that this might just go his way.

Tagged: @eya-trying-to-function @honeysuckletook

Let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from tags please.

[blxetsi]

modern levi ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

levi ackerman x gn!reader

- firstly, lets get love language out of the way

- i think his love language would be acts of service

- so like, he'll brew your coffee for you and set out your favourite mug when he goes to the kitchen to make his tea (bc we all know he'd wake up earlier than you 🙄)

- or he'll pick up a muffin from your favourite bakery on his way home

- or if you ask him to remind you to do something later, he's immediately writing it out on a sticky note and sticking it somewhere youd notice

- he notices youre getting low on your favourite moisturizer ? or lipbalm ? he's taking a picture of the packaging and getting it the next time he drives past walmart or smth

- he just does little things that help make your day better

- now i feel like a lot of people say this already, but he is NOT very comfortable with public displays of affection

- its not that he doesnt like it when you touch him, or hold his hand, or kiss his cheek, he just gets flustered and feels like everyone is watching you two

- but one thing he does allow is looping your arms together while you walk, especially in crowded streets

- it doesnt mean he doesnt like being close with you, he just hates doing it public. when youre alone ? hes ALL OVER YOU.

- "will you play with my hair ?"

- "levi im working."

- "okay can you multitask ?" motherfucker 😐

- doesnt matter if hes the big spoon or little spoon, just being close to you is enough.

- also would try and get used to your love language

- if your love language is physical touch hes genuinely surprised by how many times you put his hands on him each day (NOT in a sexual way) like even his mother never touched him as much and he's a momma's boy 😳

- when you wake up your coming out to the kitchen to fill your coffee, but not before kissing the top of his head as you walk past

- then youre guzzling down your coffee like its water before putting it in the sink and walking back, petting his head in the process

- you'll hug him while hes cooking, or brushing his teeth. youre giving him kisses before he leaves and when he comes home, just little small acts of love, but it happens so frequently that levi cant help but notice it

- your love language is verbal affirmations ? youre getting your coffee while saying "goodmorning beautiful"

- "i love yous" are thrown at him a lot, they never fail to make him feel better

- youll compliment this man and he short circuits for a second, quickly gets used to it as time goes on

- also too i think he'd be taller in a modern au, but not very very tall like erwin, im talking 5'7" to 5'9"

- and he's fine with his height, it doesn't bother him that much, he's the average height of a man so what's the big deal ?

- also he really doesnt care about height either. youre shorter than him ? cool, that means he can bend down to give you little forehead kisses. around the same height as him ? awesome, that makes it easier for him to give you a peck on the lips. taller than him ? mf he'll climb you like a tree if he has to. really doesn't care.

- also doesn't have a preferences for body type or anything. he thinks that character is way more important than looks 100% and he'll always find different things about you beautiful. your laugh is weird ? k now he's making you two watch a john mulaney special to so youll laugh. hate your belly and wanna lose weight, he's holding you and telling you to only lose weight if you genuinely want to be "healthier" and not so you get skinny. your acne scars bother you ? he's kissing your cheeks a lot more than usual, but you can't complain. literally Loves Every Part of You

- also i think his family would absolutely ADORE YOU and his friends for that matter

- miss kuchel is pulling you into a hug the first time she sees you, and is so accomodating and sweet. shes genuinely interested in your interests and what you do for a living, and will NOT hesitate to get levi's baby pictures out if you ask.

- his uncle ? he probably wont be there for the family dinner, but then kuchel's gonna call him up like "levi's s/o ?? absolutely spectacular !!" and then hes like "huh maybe i gotta come visit to see the runt and his lover"

- also i think in a modern au, kuchel wouldve gotten really sick when levi is a boy, so kenny would have came home to take care of his sister and try and take care of levi. in the end she got better, and he went back to his own home, but now she requests that he come for at least one family holidy so they can all spend it together

- BUT back to mr. ackerman

- idk what he'd do in modern times, i used to think he'd be a good english professor for a university, but then i saw a headcanon that he'd go into law school and become a lawyer, and honestly ?? it makes sense

- after a long day at work he just wants to come home to you, he'll find you on the couch reading or doing some of your own work, so he'll just slip off his coat and blazer and undo his tie while slipping off his shoes by the door. before plopping his head in your lap and requesting you to play with his hair.

- if you don't live with him hes taking a shower and then immediately calling you asking to come over. if you can ?? great he'll be in bed waiting to be spooned. if not, thats fine, but levi would like to facetime and rant.

- also has the absolute WORST road rage

- "that little prick cut me off !"

- "levi he's taking his driver's test !"

- "so ? i hope that instructor doesn't give the idiot a pass 🙄" and then will immediately honk his horn at the poor kid.

- also wouldnt be a clean freak like in canonverse. his whole "everything has to be spotless" stuff stems from trauma, specifically being left in an apartment with his decaying mother for weeks on end, but since kuchel is alive that never happens

- were things a little hectic during the time she was sick ? sure ! but kenny always tried to tidy up a bit when he saw it was getting to levi.

- levi just likes things to be neat and tidy, he doesnt do a deep clean of his apartment every two weeks, but always makes sure to clean up his messes as soon as they happen

- also doesnt like to fight

- his mom raised him with the idea that communication is key, and always encouraged him to "explain why hes upset" so they could work together to come up with a solution

- its something hes taken with him to adulthood, and even though sometimes he sounds like hes talking to a child when hes trying to get you to "use your words" he really doesnt mean to

- if youre yelling at him he'll stand there like 😐 and wait until youre out of breath so he can say "okay lets talk about this"

- is also very handy

- have a hole in your wall ? hes coming over to fix it

- need a lightbulb changed ? hes got u dont worry

- you need to assemble a piece of furniture ? he glances at the step by step guide once before hes putting it together

- hes so great at that stuff, and you only have kenny to thank

- literally when kenny first came to stay with levi and kuchel when she was sick, the kitchen light went out and he asked levi to screw another lightbulb in, the poor kid stood there like 🤨 and when kenny said "what ? you don't know how to change a fucking lightbulb ?" levi shook his head and said "uncle kenny im seven 😐"

- kenny was APPALLED. and immediately made it his mission to make levi as handy as himself.

- also, dates with him are rlly lowkey.

- he likes being in your company, so staying home and ordering take out is AWESOME in his opinion. sometimes he'll dress up and make a fancy meal with you.

- if you like going to carnivals and stuff, he's reluctant but eventually caves. wins you a lot of the prizes.

- "fuck. this shit is rigged y/n"

- "sorry levi, lets go do something else !"

- "what ? no. give me another dollar im getting you that fucking turtle"

- hange always wants to see you. levi makes it his life mission to keep you away from them as much as possible. not because he doesnt want you to get along with his friends, just because he knows that hange will spill some embarassing secrets from his college days.

- erwin ? hes okay but hes on thin fucking ice.

- also is very gentlemanly. will not only hold the door for you but for everyone. hes waiting in line for his order and someone comes up behind him and asks him to scootch so they can get some napkins ? mf its grabbing a handful himself and handing it to the person, wishing them a nice day with a small smile. hes just like,, a genuinely good person

- his singing voice ? immaculate. will he sing for you ? no.

- he also loves playing board games with you. like chess or checkers. you love playing board games with him and his friends, specifically monopoly. hange makes moblit form an alliance with them. mike is a lone wolf, and erwin and levi are always helping each other out until erwin betrays him. lots of trust is ruined between these game nights, but you literally cant bring yourself to care because its so fun to watch it unfold

this is my first headcanon thingy !! im v excited !! hope u all enjoyed 🤩✨ should i do more headcanons like these ???

- all in all, levi is a cool guy, and a cool bf.

[popatochisssp]

I need memes for the new boys. Meme me, Poppy. Meme me.

As always, I am ashamed at how well-equipped I am to answer this question...

Meme Fluent: Ash (Undergloom Sans), Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus), Sunny (Gastertale Sans)

Can At Least Ask Where The Bathroom Is In Meme: Brick (Horrorfell Sans), Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus), Aster (Gastertale Papyrus)

Meme-blivious: Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus), King (Horrorfell Papyrus), Merc (Horrorswap Sans), Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans)

Ash (Undergloom Sans): Very savvy and up on all the most popular memes, scrolling through memes is an activity very low on the ‘activity’ part and great for when he’s feeling a little too tired to do anything else. He’s very into tiktoks, which help him keep up to date on the latest meme songs-- some of which he might try to learn to play on his own. In general, he’s also into memes with funny or weird-looking animals (frogs, possums, axolotls, etc), no specific kind of meme, the presence of a goofy-looking creature in it is usually good enough to get a smile or a chuckle out of him.

Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus): Not all that up to date on the meme scene, he’s usually busy with other things... but! He really loves relatable memes, especially ones about procrastination or not being able to focus on work or having to do chores, everyday mundane irritations that everybody can relate to! He also thinks reading comprehension errors are great harmless fun (i.e., “my bad i thought u said moths”), just silly misunderstandings that make for confusing interactions until someone realizes.

Brick (Horrorfell Sans): Doesn’t always remember every meme, but he gets the gist of most of them. His favorites are the MS Paint memes, usually the more poorly drawn, the better (but a fan of pretty much every catcrumb image he sees, those chaotic little cats are great). He can also be caught laughing himself to wheezing and banging on the table over completely bizarre and out of context interactions--for some reason, they just hit right on the funny bone and he has no defense against them. (The ‘Nyquil Detroit Become Liquid’ post nearly killed him, but he would’ve thanked it.)

King (Horrorfell Papyrus): Not too interested in memes. He’s peripherally aware of them but rarely knows the latest trends or cares to know them. He does have a slight fondness for evil memes--ones about being evil or having an evil lair or just have the word ‘evil’ as an adjective in front of something else seemingly incongruous--he finds them silly and they can usually win at least a smirk out of him when he happens to come across one. If you want a laugh, though, find him some of those screenshots of old newspapers from the 30s-50s, formally written humor that still holds up even now (like The Windsor Star, Ontario, November 1, 1958, The Cincinnati Enquirer, Ohio, February 21, 1947, or Barnard Bulletin, New York, December 20, 1935). Sensible chuckles abound from those!

Merc (Horrorswap Sans): Not too into memery, he’s definitely got a lot of other things going on and isn’t always online. Still, he is a fan of stuff like one-time-i-dreamt and other accounts of peoples’ dreams or thought processes. He thinks it’s interesting, the little peek into the wandering, strange, and sometimes funny subconscious, or how people think about love and tenderness and nostalgia and remind others to appreciate those things, too. It’s a very niche, wholesome sort of enjoyment for sure... but not to worry! If you’re looking for something more mainstream and ‘haha funny,’ he also got very into the whole ‘Surprise! It’s cake!’ meme trend that was going on for awhile and is still delighted to find a video where a realistic object is cut into and turns out to be cake. He’s definitely going to make one himself, maybe as a social media marketing thing for his home business...

Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus): Very meme savvy and tends toward some of the maybe darker types of humor--stress and anxiety memes, introvert memes, et cetera. Animated text is a big one he likes, with enough of a mix of pessimist and optimist memes that he doesn’t come away from checking it actually bummed out or feeling bad, a fine line to walk to be sure. He also likes coding and programming humor! He’s still kinda teaching himself, so he definitely doesn’t get them all, but it gives him a little sense of accomplishment and community when he does, which he really likes.

Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans): Not interested in memes, and a lot of them are heavily based on visuals which, unfortunately, he’s going to miss the context. Still, he does get a hell of a kick out of brazen and blatant misinformation--the smooth sharks post, facts-i-just-made-up, and the like--and finds it hilarious when someone insists something that is obviously untrue, especially if a lot of people aren’t getting the joke and are trying fervently to convince them of their wrongness. He’s also a little bit evil, so whenever he learns a new piece of whatever slang is popular and in at the moment, he’s going to use it incorrectly, or use outdated slang to induce cringe in those around him. ‘Totes yeet yo’? Yes. ‘That is so pog, as the kids say’? Of course. ‘It’s lit, fam’? Definitely, who do you take him for? The cringier, the better, he revels in the discomfort of others when he throws one of those babies out.

Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus): Definitely knows a little bit about memes, not always the latest trends but his base knowledge is pretty good, and of course has his favorites. He loves John Mulaney references and reaction images, they just Speak to him, y’know? Outside of that, he’s very fond of day-of-the-week memes, Tuesday Again?, Out of Touch Thursday, Fat Fuck Friday and so on. Aside from being a useful reminder of what the hell day of the week it is, he likes the consistency and recurrence of it, just a silly little moment to look forward to at some point like, “oh yeah, it’s el muchacho monday, nice!”

Sunny (Gastertale Sans): Pretty wise to the meme scene overall, loves the fun and creativity of it all. If you want him to absolutely lose his shit, though, show him a terrible picture of an animal--by which I mean, poorly photoshopped, blurred, in mid-panoramic, as long as the end result is an absurd or very screwed up image. Why are things like ‘buff half cat’ and ‘dog but very, very long’ his sense of humor? He has no idea, but the worse it looks, the harder he laughs. He has a bit of a fondness for ‘gotcha’s too, like a Rickroll but really anything where you go into it expecting one thing, and get trolled by receiving something else. (If Megalovania memes were a thing in his universe, he would be all over them, if that gives you an idea of the kind of gag he thinks is funny!)

Aster (Gastertale Papyrus): Aware of memes, but not all that invested in them. He likes corporate and office/business memes a lot-- the kind that roast bosses and unnecessary meetings, translate ‘polite’ corporate phrases, anything to do with emails--because they can be very relatable. He also likes seeing screencaps of people on Facebook or Twitter getting dragged for misinformation, or trying to act like a pompous jerk and getting shredded (for legitimate reasons of course, not just random unprovoked cyberbullying). He...may be involved in a bit of that sometimes himself: he may not be working in a scientific field, but he is half of a scientist, and just petty enough to spend a few hours of his free time looking up and reading through a few credible sources to cite in a strong and well-crafted rebuttal argument if someone is being especially, dangerously wrong about something. Not everyone has the time and resources to do it, so why shouldn’t he? 😇