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foryouiwouldcrosstheline · 2 years

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midnights tracklist and the hero's journey

From REDDIT Gaylor sub

With edits to new track names

I should start off by saying I'm a massive nerd and an English teacher, so my entire life is just looking for symbolism and archetypes in literally everything. It's one of my favorite topics, as well as being something I teach each year, so 'Anti-Hero' jumped out at me as a track title, and I haven't been able to shake it. I don't really ever post on Reddit (so I'm NERVOUS ABOUT THIS, Y'ALL!), and I have no idea where I'm going with this, but I just need to put it into the world and see if anyone can draw any conclusions here.

Many apologies for not knowing how to format on Reddit (I only use it on mobile) and for the length!

I think it would be genuinely weird if Taylor Swift was unfamiliar with Joseph Campbell and his literary theories and works. Campbell was a literature professor and writer with a focus on comparative mythology and folklore who is best known for his book "The Hero with a Thousand Faces" (it's a badass book). His works focus on the idea of a 'monomyth,' tracing stories across cultures and finding that the stories of heroes follow the same basic pattern (he owes a great deal of credit to Carl Jung and his works on archetypes). Once you become exposed to archetypes and the patterns of archetypes in literature/movies, it can be difficult to not see those patterns everywhere. I once had a student tell me (jokingly, thank goodness) that I had ruined movies for them because they couldn't stop seeing archetypes everywhere and questioning every choice the director made (why is that character wearing red? Rain's falling now? Must be rebirth! etc etc).

But back to my main thoughts! The traditional structure that Campbell wrote about is 17 stages; this has been adapted over the years (two other theorists each narrowed it down to 8 stages), but the version that I'm going to discuss is a more modern take on the original Monomyth theory, Christopher Vogler's 12 stages. This is the version I use with my students, and while the Campbell one is more thorough and detailed (and, honestly, more interesting), Vogler's stages are more widely known. The stages are often discussed as hours on a clock - there's a great TED-Ed video that details this. I don't know how to link things on reddit without pasting in the whole URL, so I'll add a comment with the link if anyone is interested.

Vogler wrote about these stages in a book called The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers (1992) which started as a very short piece meant to be a practical guide to The Hero with A Thousand Faces for screenwriters. The cover of Vogler's book is a green labyrinth, which could be related to the jade green vinyl cover photo, where is there is an album sleeve in the corner with a labyrinth as its cover. It's important to note that 'hero' is just another archetype, and can be ANY type of hero (including tragic hero, Byronic hero, or an anti-hero). The Hunger Games follows this pattern, as well, for those drawing connections to HG.

The stages of the journey are as follows (broken down into 3 acts):

Act 1 - The Departure:

1. The Ordinary World: the hero is seen in their everyday life. This is where the hero is living an oblivious life, not realizing his true destiny and the adventure ahead. This is a safe place for the hero.

2. The Call to Adventure: the initiating incident of the story. This is the part when the hero is called to the adventure. This could look like a threat to the hero or her loved ones, an impending disaster that the hero learns about, or an incident that transforms the hero’s ordinary life with a sudden jolt.

3. Refusal of the Call: the hero experiences some hesitation to answer the call. Every hero has fears and doubts that hold them back, at least for a while. This is the part where the hero has doubts about her abilities and do not think they are the person to take on the quest or adventure.

4. Meeting with the Mentor: the hero gains the supplies, knowledge, and confidence needed to commence the adventure. Often there is someone older and wiser who helps the hero. Meeting the mentor helps the hero realize her dreams, and they might receive an object of great importance, some advice, training, or motivation to take on the quest or adventure.

5. Crossing the First Threshold: the hero commits wholeheartedly to the adventure and is ready to begin the journey.

Act 2 - The Initiation

6. Tests, Allies, and Enemies: the hero explores the special world, faces trial, and makes friends and enemies. This is the part where the hero is confronted with challenges by her enemies. The hero must decide who to trust in the wake of great obstacles and threats, testing her abilities to the bitter end.

7. Approach to the Innermost Cave: the hero nears the center of the story and the special world. This represents a danger, confrontation with a foe, or an actual place where the hero must enter to face the true challenge. It is the call for the final battle. While entering the cave, the hero might once again face her fears and doubts.

8. The Ordeal: the hero faces the greatest challenge yet - this is when the final battle occurs, and is the moment of truth when the hero will be reborn through some ‘death,’ even if it is metaphorical, facing all her fears, to achieve an incredible feat. This is not the LAST test, but it is the BIG ONE. BOSS LEVEL.

9. Reward: This is when the hero achieves some success, but also experiences the consequences of surviving death (again, literal OR metaphorical death). Often this goal, once met, is inadequate and leave the hero feeling somewhat unfulfilled.

Act 3 - The Return

10. The Road Back: the hero begins the journey to the ordinary world, but often it creates a false sense of peace, safety, and finality. Because the hero has seemingly gotten what they wanted all along, there is a sense of completeness, but not a deep satisfaction. This is the fake ending, where it seems over, but it's not.

11. The Resurrection: Often the hero has one last BIG moment (not always a test, ordeal, or trial but it can be) and experiences a final and ultimate encounter or moment with death. In almost every case, the hero is able to survive the encounter through their strength, courage, wit, nobility, heroism, or teamwork - the skills and companions they gained along the way.

12. Return with the Elixir: the hero returns with something to improve the ordinary world

Now I know Midnights has 13 tracks, not 12, but step 13 (in my own interpretation) is learning to live and exist in the hero's ordinary world after completing this journey. The hero returns CHANGED in some way, and must relearn how to exist in this ordinary world again. In Campbell's stages, he calls it "The Master of Both Worlds" - Mastermind? I think the track titles follow the steps of the Hero's Journey, not in a chronological fashion, but thematically, and end with the balancing of the public vs the private Taylor. I'm not sure if this is the coming out album, but I do think it'll be HELLA queer regardless, but the duality could just be 'Fame Taylor' and 'Real Taylor' like the Daylight to the Midnight, or it could be the 'Queer Taylor' and 'Het Taylor' moment that we all want.

But if it IS the coming out moment, and track 13 is her Master of Both Worlds moment, then the tracks so far would look like this:

1. Lavander Haze - status quo, public persona life, the safety she finds maybe in bearding, and others maybe find on a lavander marriage, to protect herself and her loved ones in case she is queer is a LGBTQphobic industry AND also another interpretation the simple and lavander (queer) love in hers private life and safe in living a queer life away from the public life with stalkers and fascists people.

2. Maroon - the call to adventure. If this is the verb form, as many are speculating, that initial realization of queerness and the loneliness that sometimes comes with that.

3. Anti-Hero - the refusal of the call. The denial of her queerness. She's NOT the hero that the community needs, and she didn't follow through on the coming out opportunity

4. Snow on the Beach: all the fellings attached to being queer, artists, big star, and feat Lana Del Ray, another artist who received criticism and have queer themes in her discography. She could be the Mentor - the hero gains the supplies, knowledge, and confidence needed to commence the adventure - other people in the industry helping her along, like all musicians friends and designers, photographers, journalist etc...

5. You are on your own, kid - the leaving of the mentor and embarking in a new age of trying to live her queer life maybe mainly in NY, on the 1989 era, and accepting this double life she was trying to live but also the isolation of not having a artist blueprint in how to be queer and this big of a pop star...

6. Midnight Rain - tests, allies, and enemies. There's WAY TOO MUCH that could fit here, so I'm not even going to speculate.

7. Question...? - approaching the innermost cave. If the question is "... are you ready for it?" (or "would you run away with me?" or even "can you see right through me?") and it's a QUEER question, this is a moment where she was preparing to jump into battle and needs to know if she'll have those people (or person) on the other side.

8. Vigilante Shit - the ordeal. The initial 'death' of the hero - I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone. Why? Because she's busy doing VIGILANTE SHIT.

9. Bejeweled - the reward. Depending on how the title is interpreted, this is the reward and success she thought she wanted, but it's not what it's all cracked up to be. All the Grammys in the world won't make up for not getting to live her authentic life.

10. Labirinthy - the road block, she achieves sucesso but is trying to do this cat and mouse game where she can't talk about her experiences and maybe gets lost in that, needing to access the weight of the double life on her art

11. KARMA - resurrection

Track 12 - sweet nothing - return with the Elixir

13. Mastermind - the master of both worlds, playing both sides of her public and private personas.

Sorry this ended up being so long and poorly formatted (I'm old at not great at Reddit), but I wanted to put this out there so the smart Gaylors can work their magic and either poke enough holes in it that I stop obsessing over it OR find things that put the pieces together, which is where I'm falling short. I may have mentioned it to some of my Swiftie/Gaylor students today who thought it had possibilities so here I am!

ETA: the description of the stages are directly cobbled together from various resources - let me know if you want the links!

Edit #2: I accidentally stayed up late enough to see the newest track title, and... fucking KARMA as track 11???? The RESURRECTION?!? I have to be up in less than five hours to go teach teenagers but I have so many thoughts and they need to wait. Just wanted to add THE RESURRECTION STAGE IS KARMA. Feels appropriate.

In red are my additions after tonight's Midnights Mayhem Marathon!

#gaylor #gaylor swift #gaylorswift #taylor swift #tsmidnights #ts10 #midnights theories ✨#midnights mayhem with me #reedit theories

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tottymatsuno · 3 years

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Idol Worship (Osomatsu-san: Fujio Rock!Todomatsu x Reader) 1/4

Author: Roro (halfeviltotty)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: boss x employee, romance, fluff

Rating: PG

Summary: Why is your asshole boss asking you out on a date?! Is it because you yelled at him to get his act together and now Todomatsu wants to publicly humiliate you by toying with your feelings?! Nobody is that much of an asshole - except him!!

Word count: girl stop asking its like 10k lemme alone.

Warnings: paranoia, asshole todomatsu but he's actually not that much of an asshole, it's sugary tooth rotting sweet, you will get cavities from this one my loves.

Commentary: this was my fave one to write for ao3 back in the day!! i did a deep edit today so enjoy!! more scenes more cuteness, more totty apologism!! please praise me a lot for getting this uploaded bc it was HELL fixing the formatting in multiple ways so ugh. this wasn't even one i planned to do today either and it took literally hours bc i had to do a bunch of tedious stuff since i lost my original doc and needed to use the ao3 copy with all of the stupid html markers. i then had to fix the corrupted text and THEN edit and add more stuff and THEN when uploading it i needed to delete each double spaced line. Also my baby kept hittimg me while writing this so some og the grammar is awkward. I'm reediting it now on mobile and that fucking SUCKS

| Oneshots | All Fics | Multichapter Fics |

Matsuno Todomatsu - The Cutie Fairy Prince.

As your poor luck would have it your first professional job in the entertainment industry would be under one of the biggest shitheads in the whole business.

Despite Todomatsu forcing this whole image that he’s a sweet, kind, innocent and most importantly cute prince the real Todomatsu couldn’t be further from those ideals.

The day you stood bright eyed and thoroughly optimistic that you could work with Todomatsu was the day you learned the reality of the situation wasn’t as blissful as the recruiting videos you watched on repeat.

The first words out of his sugary pink mouth were that Todomatsu wanted you to be his assistant because you're plain, unfashionable and overweight so that makes you the perfect candidate since someone like you couldn't possibly tempt him into a scandalous relationship. Any admiration for Totty - the name he insists being called by disappeared in literally 0.05 seconds in your first interaction.

As time has inched forward you have realized not only is Totty willing to abuse any smidgen of power he has, he's also extremely manipulative. You tried to grin and bared it until you understood all of his frankly juvenile tricks well enough to deflect Todomatsu's false flattery with a simple, “That is very sweet of you, but we are busy right now. "

Regretfully enough however it took some time to learn the right words to trick your selfish boss to actually do his work. You hope it’s your influence that Todomatsu stays booked and busy now closer to his solo album impeding release unlike how it was just a few months back after his first assistant quit. Todomatsu’s foul snobby attitude had him losing favor with people he frankly should have been kissing up to. The narcissistic bubble that clouded his mind so thoroughly seemed to have popped as of recent which is a relief for those who dealt with him because most of his team have their resignation papers signed and ready to be submitted before the album dropped.

You heard until the past few weeks most of Todomatsu’s team never actually believed he's trying to debut as a solo artist but instead the common theory is Todomatsu wants to prove to his five older brothers that he’s just as good as the rest of them. Most people thought Todomatsu was just bored and wasting their time since he hadn’t been taking it remotely seriously. You know first-hand how obnoxious Todomatsu is. Who the hell hears about an interview their brother aced and begs to do one on the same show only to show up three hours late and completely unprepared?! Todomatsu’s diva attitude had degraded his general support from those around him which included your own.

But you knew those words weren’t the whole truth, yes your boss is an absolue piece of shit asshole, yes once this album is out you’ll also be turning in your resignation letter along side with everyone else and will request to be assigned to another artist...but it isn’t uncommon to hear Todomatsu practicing for hours late into the night most evenings. You’ve heard him diligently do his vocal exercises until his voice strained, you’ve personally had to treat some of his callouses during bouts of inspiration and you’ve tuned more instruments than you’ve ever seen before. When you were in training and reading magazines about Fujio Rock one of Totty’s special traits was he was the most serious about music, that he played a number different instruments and was basically a music prodigy. Piano, keytar, guitar, bass, violin, drums, flute, trumpet, and apparently the harp on rare occasions. Plus Todomatsu had a natural affinity for producing and sound mixing which is what got Fujio Rock picked up with the Pierrot label to begin with when their underground EP caught an agent’s eye.

You should have known better than to meet your idols. That’s advice you’d been given time and time before you entered the entertainment business, “he’ll never live up to your expectations so it’s better not to put him on a pedestal.” You’d been told. And yet you did it anyways only to find out, yeah maybe you shouldn’t have interviewed for your favorite Fujio Rock member. Maybe you shouldn’t have followed his career as a fan since you first saw the Matsuno’s program as children. You learned his choreography and mirrored it so long ago that most people couldn’t tell the difference between Todomatsu and Ichimatsu. You were blinded by a bright and talented star with a lovely smile and sweeter voice.

Without being biased you could pinpoint Todomatsu the most skillful musician you've ever known, and unfortunately he's cute if you squint with an amazing voice, but simply he doesn't have the drive to succeed. Even a fool could see Todomatsu enjoyed playing music more than anything and that he seemed to have morphed his entire life around that fact but you get the feeling this motivation bubble is going to burst very soon. You’re not going to go down with this sinking ship when the last boat heads off. Which is why you were already looking for a new client. To be frank, you're more than sick of his shit now. It's just Todomatsu is the worst person imaginable! He makes you clean up his dirty laundry, makes you wake him up every morning, Todomatsu demands to eat with you and ugh the days he forces you to cook for him are the most repulsive. Todomatsu’s lonely, you know that for sure because you’ve never seen him with anyone else ever! He has no friends and due to Todomatsu spat with his brothers he doesn’t even have the other members to talk to. In the months you’ve suffered under his thumb never once have you seen Todomatsu interact with anyone who isn’t forced to be there with him.

Someone had to pop his bubble and remind Todomatsu he isn’t the hot shit like he thinks he is. You tell him without mincing your words to get his act together one day after an extreme amount of fussing over him and suddenly Todomatsu's demeanor towards you begins to shift, like he's eager to make you proud of him. Over the course of a few days his attitude transitioned from being almost combative to being cooperative.

Then all at once you don't have to fight to wake him up, Todomatsu's going to shoots and recording sessions with very little fussing and he's expecting compliments more but unpredictably enough he's passing out compliments like he’ll die if he can’t say something nice about you. “Oh, where’d you get that top from? It looks so adorable on you.” You typically smile and pretend to be flattered when Todomatsu references your appearance. You can’t understand why he suddenly wants to play nicely and for that reason you don’t trust his attitude change.

You leave his apartment confused every evening these days because Todomatsu now requests you by his side more than his own manager. You damn near have to fight to go home and if you were still naive you’d think Todomatsu was two seconds away from making you his live-in girlfriend rather than assistant. Even if you maintained a healthy level of emotional and physical distance Todomatsu seems more than eager to cross those boundaries. It becomes a regular part of your job to spend time with him after conventional work hours and while you enjoy the overtime pay when would you have a second to yourself to spend any of your money?! You go home to shower and sleep and then you’re back at Todomatsu’s side until you fight to go home again. “Is it apart of my job to cook and do his laundry?” You asked a higher up one day when you got the chance. You were given a grimace and told, “Your job is whatever he asks of you,” So you spend time with Todomatsu watching comedies, helping him tune that stupid ass harp, doing his dishes and light housework while Todomatsu seemingly watches you from afar as if he were lovesick. Your entire dynamic completely flips sideways one day until you realized that now Todomatsu even giggles when you have to touch him. You can’t seem to wipe that innocently nervous grin off his blushing face! Who is this guy and what has he done with your boss?!

Due to his behavior you would almost think he has a crush on you, but you remember what Todomatsu said when he hired you. You figure he's just either being genuinely nicer because of your hard work, or more likely is he's playing mind games with you. Todomatsu is definitely giving you, ‘my friend likes you, do you like him back?’ vibes.

Besides isn’t Todomatsu is a bit of a playboy? While you haven’t actually witnessed Todomatsu with anyone else sometimes you’re handed his phone. “Reply to her for me, will you?” Todomatsu would tell you before another variety show interview. “Tell her I had fun too and I wanna see her again tonight.” He’s go through hair and make up but still find the time during all of that lavish pampering to mock you. You’d type away at his phone while Todomatsu dictated what to say as if he shouldn’t be more focused on getting his appearance together for a live performance.

When you look up to hand the phone back you can see the childish malice in his big eyes, “Oh...You’re not jealous, are you?” Todomatsu’s whole expression lighting up with expectancy like for some reason he really wants you to indicate that you’re scared of losing him, “You don’t have to worry about her stealing me away, after all you’re my favorite toy.” You try very hard not to outwardly show your disgust with him. You know Todomatsu does this on purpose and you can’t understand why other than an inflated ego.

The listings for other artists get taken down too fast but you have experience so when a new solo act goes up that you’re interested in you’ll use that to your advantage. That's your mantra to get you through your days of hardship.

You're in the backseat with him and scrolling through the schedule for today. Todomatsu slowly opens his mouth to say something after a few quiet exhhales, and so you hand him a can of his favorite brand of hot honeyed teat without glancing up from your phone you. This is a common exchange between the two of you and tea is what he typically asks you for right off the bat to begin his morning routine so you don’t mind the fact Todomatsu hasn’t said a word to you during the entire forty five minute ride. You enjoy the unusual silence because you get to pretend to be anywhere else.

That insulated bag you keep on your lap for his many drinks gets heavy, but you’re slightly grateful Todomatsu's taken to carrying it for you without making a big deal of it lately.

It's nice, but also an annoying gesture because you still have to stock up on a specific brand in certain vending machines around Tokyo. The list you have on your phone with the locations gets on your nerves because they’re all so far away. Instead of sometimes carrying the bag Todomatsu could stop asking you to go out of your way to buy his stupid little sodas and teas. This thought leaves you irritated when Todomatsu gently pushes the can away and speaks to you. "Hey," Todomatsu starts off quietly like he’s suddenly nervous and you look up to examine why. "When is your birthday?”

It was last week on the day you requested off. You had a great time letting loose and your friends all said how much they missed you. You think about the day fondly because it was the first time since you took this job you’ve truly had fun.

You instantly know this is a loaded question, Todomatsu is smiling at you sweetly but you can see there's something sinister behind those big brown eyes. Of course that pensive voice was affected but you don’t understand why Todomatsu would care. You’ve worked under Todomatsu on this project for several months and until recently he never bothered to ask you about your personal life. You never requested any time off either and you showed up to work regardless of the weather. You look back at Maps app to see the distance between the two of you and the destination before replying.

Two minutes. "Last week, why?" You ask cautiously.

"Why didn't you spend it with me?" Your force a grimacing smile and since you’re already annoyed with him you’d love to yell at Todomatsu for asking such a stupid question. Why would you spend your birthday with the same guy who makes your life a living hell? You have to keep yourself from scoffing aloud and take a moment to breathe because you need to say something more flattering along the lines of, "I did not think you would want to? You are so busy and popular, I did not want to bother you with something so trivial."

"IT'S!” Todomatsu quickly adjusts his volume when he sees you flinch away, "It's no bother! I want to spend more time with you. Outside of work." Todomatsu touches your shoulder awkwardly with a bright smile. You keep your face leveled and professional. "Aw, sure. Next time I am free then." You lie to Todomatsu as if it were second nature and your face fixes to something that looks more like you’re smiling in return before you look down to glare at your phone. Inhale…exhale… you do this several times and offer the tea to him again. "We will be at the studio soon so please drink the tea, Totty."

Todomatsu for whatever reason starts to frown and removes his hand from your shoulder that you were gearing up to eventually shrug off, "You're just brushing me off!" He whines.

The driver pays for parking and Todomatsu pulls the backpack in between the two of you onto his lap. You’re hoping on hope that the process of pulling into the parking garage will speed the hell up so you can avoid the rest of this interaction. Todomatsu opens the bag while glancing up at you and the contents inside until he pulls out something large and heavy.

It's the book you've been wanting for a few months but couldn't justify buying. You recognized it instantly because it’s a special edition with all of these different and beautiful design choices. It looks better in real life! The gold trim, oh is that really iridescent?! Ahh, look how pretty the book mark ribbon is and you can imagine how your fingers will feel running down the glossy smooth spin of the book and what those textures must be like. You're keenly aware that Todomatsu is salaried now and not making a ton of money to afford to drop this kind of money on a single book. This book is very expensive and costs at least 21000 yen. "Is that for me?" You ask cautiously and Todomatsu nods quickly. You watch him for half a second to make sure those evil eyes aren’t lying to you. Instead it seems like Todomatsu’s holding his breath and in return unable to look away from you.

You’ve never been one to trust Todomatsu to the fullest extent and so when he makes no moves to mock your enthusiasm you feel ecstatic when you reach for the book with one hand cradling the can of tea to your chest. Just when the book was in your grasp Todomatsu pulls it back with a small smirk to hover it over your head. You hate him so much for playing keep-away at his big age.

"Ah, you want this book?" You glare at him when Todomatsu asks that malicious question, "Yes I do." You say simply when the car is finally put into park. You don’t react fast enough to stop Todomatsu from unbuckling his seat belt and shoving the book back into his bag. You smack your lips when Todomatsu then rudely snatches the tea right from your open hands before jumping out of the vehicle.

"I'll give it to you after we celebrate your birthday, don't worry you'll have fun!" Todomatsu cheerfully tells you while blowing a kiss your way. You scramble to follow him out of the car, "What- what will we be doing?" You ask watching him nearly skip out of the parking lot. You’re always amazed and a bit repulsed by how quickly the man can down those damn teas. The can is quickly thrown in the recycling with a thud.

"We're going on a date!" Todomatsu announces with a voice you could only describe as adorable while turning to look at you over his shoulder with his most charming idol worthy smile. You find yourself blushing despite yourself. Then you realize the consequences of this exchange, you have everything to lose and Todomatsu IS abusing his power over you.

This is a trap, you can hear the cruel words Todomatsu is going to say if you agree, ‘Haha you thought someone as plain as you had a chance with me?! Did you think I really like you? Get real! This is payback for getting arrogant, pig.’ You’re not going down like that. "Keep the book." You say resolutely, walking behind him.

Todomatsu stops in his tracks to fully look at the cloudy look on your face and you try not to be fooled when you see Todomatsu’s face shift into something openly disappointed.

"Why?" He asks like he’s on the verge of tears, and you remain silent going over your options on how to reject Todomatsu in a way both safe for your heart and job. "I'm not a toy." You say glowering at him.

"That's right, you're not!" Todomatsu's pouting as he speaks as if he's offended that you'd even say that. The nerve!

"It's okay," Todomatsu slowly bridges the distance between you and bends down in order to make eye contact with you. Todomatsu’s sing-song voice is more than convincing when he speaks to you with those usually sinister brown eyes softening into a gentle loving gaze. “You don’t have to worry so much,” He tells you sweetly.

"I would never hurt you." Todomatsu flashes another award-winning smile, "So you should let yourself fall in love with me, okay?" He even goes as far to wink at you. You feel cupid's arrow strike you thrice in the heart and its poison penetrate your very soul. You don't outwardly swoon, but in your mind you're going crazy.

"Uh!" You begin to stammer which causes Todomatsu's sugary laugh to stick in your mind. "Let's go,” He takes you by the hand and gently leads you into the building. Your head is still swimming until the second you walk through the threshold of the studio. You quickly remember your place in this hierarchy.

Todomatsu gives you a strange look until understanding sweeps his features. "Ah." He says before slowly letting your hand fall out of his own. You transition into your worksona, and fuss over Todomatsu's needs like normal. You bring his drinks, towels, and attend to his every want like usual.

Except an issue is Todomatsu won’t stop staring into your eyes lovingly and you feel disgusted with yourself for returning his lingering moonstruck gazes. When you gave Todomatsu his towel his fingers rested on top of yours a few seconds too long before taking it away from you. The contact electrified you. Same thing with his water bottles, Todomatsu kept trying to find reasons to hold on contact with your hands more than necessary.

Once Todomatsu’s recording session is over you feel yourself even more attracted to him. You were entranced by Todomatsu’s voice and the very sweet and soft love ballad that he apparently wrote himself. You were barely able to take candids of Todomatsu in the booth playing the acoustic guitar because when you’d get a good shot he’d make eye contact with the most affectionate grin you’d ever seen. You kept almost dropping your phone as he sweetly sung about being in love with a serious but kind person. When you finally can pay close enough attention to hear the lyrics there's literal quotes of things you've said to him in it so there's no mistake it's about you.

Something about the whole thing bothers you though, you're trying to figure out what his end game is with this prank! Is he gearing up to fire you in a humiliating way? Why is he going through all this trouble to do this to you? Is it a bet? Did his brothers put him up to this?

You can form the shape of the bet’s conditions in your mind, ‘Todomatsu you’re so unpopular, not even your fat assistant likes you! You’ll never make it out on your own like this.’ Osomatsu would tell him, ‘Yeah Todomatsu. You’ll never be like us, you don’t know the first thing about capturing women’s hearts.’ Karamatsu would add.

‘I do too, and I can definitely get my assistant to fall for me! Just watch, in fact I can do it within a single day if I really tried.’ Todomatsu would reply, ‘Ehh? Really? Prove it then.’ Choromatsu would bet, ‘You’re all talk, there’s no way someone like you could pull that off.’ Ichimatsu would goad on, ‘Hahaha, Totty’s unpopular!’ Jyushimatsu would happily agree. That’s what happened, definitely.

As you're waiting on the producer's side of the recording booth, Todomatsu locks eyes with you again. "Did I do good?" Todomatsu practically eagerly begs for more compliments.

Of course he did. Todomatsu is the most talented out of the six after all, and when he takes things seriously Todomatsu can’t be anything short of perfection. You give him a smile and a thumbs up.

Todomatsu doesn't even groan or complain when he has to rerecord the entire thing several more times. Each take he gets deeper into the emotions of what he's singing, and it becomes much more romantic than the first take. By the end it’s not just you who’s barely able to stand, everyone else on the opposite side of the booth seem to be swooning. His voice is so cute after all.

Your knees are jello when he comes out of the booth, he winks at you again before talking to the producer. You pretend not to notice with your eyes staring at your phone and trembling hands.

The day goes on with Todomatsu doing a photo shoot and interview. There’s a point of the session where Todomatsu gets scolded several times for making eye contact with you during the pictures instead of the camera. You're outwardly sighing to maintain an aura that you’re annoyed with him but on the inside you're half a second from fainting.

You try to do your assistant duties well into the day until Todomatsu decides he wants to stop for the day. His manager agrees that Todomatsu has worked hard enough, and when Todomatsu pulls him away to whisper something you see his manager look at his watch and then over at you.

“Is it that time already?” The manager asks incredulous and Todomatsu nods. “Aw, alright! Good luck, Matsuno-san! Have fun.” Todomatsu is gently shoved towards you with everyone wishing him luck while cheering him on. Todomatsu can’t help but laugh good-naturedly, “C’mon guys…! You’re embarrassing me.”

When did Todomatsu become so well liked among the staff? They seem to all really enjoy being around him lately, you wonder if this is because of his recent attitude change. As the work day comes to an end Todomatsu regards you with a small smile as the two of you get into the backseat of the car.

"Ready to go?" Todomatsu asks you shyly.

"Yes, I cannot wait to go home." You groan buckling your seat beat, today has been more exhausting than usual but sorta in a good way.

"Home? I thought we were going on a date?" Todomatsu asks almost rhetorically from his tone while he pulls some make up wipes out of his bag. You’re handed them and without thinking much about it you gently remove his layers of foundation and eye liner. It’s usually not an intimate affair but this evening Todomatsu loosely holds onto your wrists and tracks your eyes. You couldn’t look away even if you wanted to but when you go to wipe off the nude lipstick you hesitate. This must be his signature move, you think bitterly to yourself. The old, “Can you help me take off my make up?” Works on most but not on you. You gently pat his lips clean with a perfectly blank face and you secretly feel triumphant when Todomatsu’s disappointment is naked as his face. It’s your job to catch Todomatsu’s most breathtaking moments so you quickly snap a picture of him. This one’s going to get him a lot of attention if you post it only semi-touched up you think proudly.

But back to the matter at hand you were secretly hoping he'd mention the date again, but at the same time you're absolutely terrified that Todomatsu was serious about taking you out somewhere. A small part of you is optimistic about whatever it is Todomatsu has planned, but the practical side of you is aware Todomatsu isn't attracted to you and he has an incredible mean streak. The car pulls out and begins to drive to some destination.

"About that! I am not sure if it is a good idea." You look down at the phone you held with a gallery of Todomatsu’s portraits inside. "It would not be good for your image." Those words hurt more than you’d like to admit but they’re the truth. It would be detrimental for Todomatsu in a multitude of ways if he’s serious about this date and if he plans to publicly humiliate you that wouldn’t paint the best picture of Todomatsu either.

"I don't care about that." Todomatsu says quickly with very little emotion like it should be obvious. Both of Todomatsu’s hands find your own and his thumbs kneading the worries out of your knuckles. "All I care about is you." At these words and the little touches you feel your eyes turn into hearts, but you immediately snap out of it and drop your phone.

"What are you doing? Why are you teasing me?" Todomatsu gives you a blank look when you tug your hands free from his grasp.

"Huh?" He asks. "Teasing? You've got the wrong idea! I – I! You know I wrote that for you, don’t you? I thought it’d be obvious by the lyrics, but if you want me to make it more explicitly about you I can. I just want my feelings to get across so you understand how serious I am right now."

Todomatsu becomes a bit more desperate with each word he speaks and when you try to tilt your head away to break eye contact Todomatsu contorts his body so he can study your face.

"But why? Is this a game or something?" You gently pick up your phone from the open space of the seat and pensively toy with the textured case on your lap.

Todomatsu watches your anxious body language with a weary smile as if he's trying to pacify your concerns with the upturn of his lips. "I just realized I'm better with you around." He says quietly near your ear so only you can hear.

"It's not a game, I promise." You almost believe him when Todomatsu speaks so earnestly. "I feel whole when I'm with you in a way I've never felt before." You clamp your eyes shut for a split second and shakily exhale the breath you’d been holding.

You listen to the words critically with your eyes open and facing your company phone screen, you want to believe them with all of your heart but it’s Todomatsu! Can you trust him?

‘No, no! I’m not joking, see look Kevin really likes you! Don’t you, Kevin?’ You feel like you’re ten years old again, staring naively into your crush’s leering face.

You’re not ten however, you’re an adult who has been through this game and teased enough. You’re not making yourself an easy target again, not for Todomatsu.

"You can laugh now. This has been very amusing for you I am sure but I would like for this game to end." You say with gritted teeth. Todomatsu looks at you with so much pity from the corner of your eye that you almost want to cry.

You expect for the laughter to begin but instead Todomatsu tells you with a quiet conviction, "I'll prove how I feel on this date."

You think he'd make a better actor than idol.

The drive is awkward with Todomatsu trying to bridge the gaps of distance between you with idle conversation. Todomatsu keeps invading your personal space by placing arm around your shoulder loosely like he’s trying to be casual. When Todomatsu tries to hold your hand a few times you can feel his clammy palms in the brief seconds you don’t brush him off.

Never once has Todomatsu been so grabby at you and you really hate it because you sincerely wish he wasn’t trying to hurt you like this.

Todomatsu asks you questions and sends out more invitations to go with the one-sided chatter.

“Oh, have you heard about that new bakery that’s popular? There’s a line in the morning and I hear they’re sold out before 9AM most days. Do you want to look at the menu with me?” He asks you sweetly when sending you a link, you resent the fact that you often use the phone Todomatsu provided more than your actual mobile.

It only has his number programmed in it which meant you had to learn all of the other team member’s phone numbers and extensions by heart.

You sigh sadly, “I would not have time to get you ready and wait in line at this bakery, Totty.”

Todomatsu blinks and opens his mouth, “No! You’ve got the wrong idea! You wouldn’t have to pick them up for me. W-what I meant by that is I’d wait in line for whatever you wanted, for as long as it takes too! Even if it took hours, or it was raining or if the weather was really gross I’d wait all day if I had to.” Todomatsu tries to desperately convince you, “So please look at the menu? Would you want this strawberry tart? Doesn’t that look yummy?”

Todomatsu wiggles the phone for a second before you reply with a quiet, “No thank you.”

Todomatsu slowly continues to wave the phone in your face and you simply close your eyes. After he gets the hint, Todomatsu leans back down and removes his arm from your person.

You wanna go home, you think after a lengthy silence.

Minutes pass away with Todomatsu scrolling quickly down his phone before he speaks again, “Um...There’s a couples event being hosted by a friend you should come with me to. It’ll be really be really romantic and I promise I’ll spoil you the whole evening if you say yes.” He suggests almost pathetically innocent. The way Todomatsu says that doesn’t invoke the teasing imagery like before but more of a ‘if you do this for me I’ll be your best friend!’ Sort of schoolyard ettiequte.

You finally turn to look Todomatsu dead in the eyes, “Were you dumped recently?” That’s the only explanation that makes sense other than the whole revenge thing but those two tie together so well you’re sure they’re connected.

Todomatsu’s lips twitch and a bead of sweat rolls off his cheek. “No, I’ve been available for a while.” You watch wearily as his anxiety twists into what you’d call fool’s hope.

“Why? I’m single so there’s not an issue if we go together, right?” Why is Todomatsu so sure you’re not dating anyone. That assumption leads you to believe that he definitely doesn’t think anyone finds you attractive.

“What if I am not single?” You ask harshly.

Todomatsu gasps loudly and drops his phone, “W-who?! Is he cuter than me? What does he look like?!” Todomatsu asks quickly before he settles down, you watch him curiously when tears form in the corners of his eyes. Todomatsu doesn’t make a big show like you thought he would wiping at face, in fact it’s actually very sweet seeing him sniffle a bit.

“I’m sorry, I should've asked you out sooner then… Or is he your long term boyfriend? I-I shouldn’t have assumed you were single after all…” He manages to hiccup a few times and the car slowly begins to pull over to the side. Todomatsu exchanges a tearful glance with the driver in the rear mirror, “Can you drop her off at home?”

You sigh softly, “I apologize, Totty. I do not have a boyfriend at this time, but I will admit my feelings are hurt by the assumption that I am single.” This prank is going too far and you know it’s going to end with your heartbreak but you can’t help but feel a bit smitten with Todomatsu crying over you like that.

“C-can we still go on our date?” Todomatsu asks after wiping his eyes raw. “Yes, of course.” You say after thinking it over, if he does hurt your feelings you can at least say Todomatsu had to work for the privilege. You press your phone to your heart a bit and return a nervous smile in exchange for Todomatsu’s overwhelmingly relieved one.

The rest of the drive was just Todomatsu asking you general ‘getting to know you’ questions like he was trying to fill in the gaps of his knowledge that you only half answer. When the car pulls into Akatsuka Amusement you're a little more than baffled. You watch as Todomatsu quickly pulls off his wig and finger combs out his hair, he doesn’t ask you to put it up for him but you place it in his backpack anyways.

You feel exhilarated when Todomatsu’s hands brush against your own, “Excuse me.” He tells you sweetly with a glance at your face and then pulls out the hoodie you laundered for him the night before.

Todomatsu's eyes light up when the car is parked, and you note how different he looks in his bowl cut and pink hoodie. A lot plainer, he won't stand out even if it weren't twilight. He looks adorable with his eyes sparkling looking into yours before he exits the car. You feel sick from all of this eye contact.

You hesitate for a few moments, you're not sure if you're getting out just yet because whatever humiliation he has planned is waiting for you inside. You're deep in your paranoid thoughts until you hear a knock on the window. You jump a little before looking up at Todomatsu pulling open your door.

"C'mon, let's go." He says enchantingly sweet with a hand extended towards you. Like a prince beckoning his lover from a white carriage... Without thinking you take his hand which causes Todomatsu's cheeks to flush the same pink as the setting skies. He not so subtly cheers when you use him as leverage to exit the car, it's adorable you think while trying not to giggle.

"Be careful," Todomatsu really is putting his best foot forward with this ‘date' and you're so scared of what's going to happen when the other shoe drops. You feel guilty for yelling at him all those weeks ago, you had no idea it would land you in such a terrible mess.

Because Todomatsu can't like you, it's just not possible. If he weren't an idol, sure you could easily imagine being with an average looking guy with a stupid bowl cut. But the power balance is tipped out of your favor in reality when Todomatsu was apart of the country's biggest idol group and you're plain, unfashionable and overweight.

Though you have been working on your fashion sense, dressing a bit better but not flashy enough to draw too much attention to yourself. You’ve always been a healthy eater so it’s just genetics that your body fat is the way it is, the same with your facial features.

If this was another life maybe the two of you could've been together, if Todomatsu wasn't so cruel and spiteful and you felt better about yourself. You don't think there's really anything wrong with you per se, you just don’t fit the image of an idol's date.

And Todomatsu is aware of that fact, you think spitefully.

As you snap out of your depressing thoughts you feel Todomatsu tug on your hand, he's pointing and speaking about the amusement park. "- Before it closes!"

"Huh?" You look at Todomatsu confusedly.

"You weren't listening?" He groans, "We have to go on the ferris wheel before it closes! I'll explain everything else as we go!" Todomatsu leads you straight past the empty ticket stand with a flashing of a card, into the park. "Hmm, where's a map?" He asks looking around.

When you look down to investigate why your hand feels damp you notice Todomatsu’s hand is still wrapped around yours, and then all you can focus on is the softness of the appendage. It's warm too! You're lost in this feeling as Todomatsu finally sees the map literally a couple feet away from him. Todomatsu must actually be a bit nervous to hold hands with you, you wonder if it’s his guilty conscious.

"Okay," He starts adorably, "So we're going here!" Todomatsu points at the ferris wheel, "And then I have to make a brief appearance on stage but that should be over fairly quickly. After that it’ll -” Todomatsu tries to explain before you cut him off.

"So this is for work? It is not a date?" You interrupt sounding almost relieved, burying the vast disappointment deep within your heart. "No, it's still a date!" Todomatsu shakes his head no and smiles at your confusion. "But we are working. So, it is not a date." You feel Todomatsu squeeze your hand pleasantly.

"Just trust me, okay?" You find yourself nervously returning a smile.

But now you're filled with a new type of apprehension, one that mutates and feeds off of your paranoia and fear but when you peer into Todomatsu's loving and innocent eyes you calm down a tiny bit especially when you feel yourself sending them back. "Actually I think I'll keep the rest of the date a surprise!" Todomatsu tells you thoughtfully.

"Why?" Your voice betrays some of your actual dire emotions.

"Because," Todomatsu enunciates each syllable in that tone he uses when you're asking if the lemon tea has to be from those vending machines specifically. "I just said I want to keep the rest a surprise!" He winks at you after he notices your annoyed expression. "Let's go!"

Todomatsu is being pushy as always you think, and when he pulls your hand you almost on instinct forcefully snatch your appendage away, but you catch yourself.

You don’t want to get fired just yet.

As you walk to the ferris wheel, this time with the map brought up on your phone you feel a small sense of envy when you see families of young children walk or sometimes run by. The blur of little toddlers zooming into the arms of waiting parents after they went on the kiddie rides brings a soft smile to your lips. You feel a slight ache because kids are so cute but you wonder if you’ll ever have any yourself.

"Do you like kids?" Todomatsu's question brings you out of your reverie, "I do." Todomatsu's hand begins to tremble in yours, as he covers a portion of his face with his hood. You can see his wobbly smile and flushed cheeks from a certain angle, but he quickly covers it when he sees you staring up at him with curiosity. Neither of you say anything further.

The park at night is absolutely gorgeous now that the sun has completely set, you find yourself turning around all over to snap pictures for Todomatsu's various social media accounts.

The dreamy atmosphere is perfect and Todomatsu looks great in his casual clothes. You know this moe gap will be very popular with his die-hard fans, and the smiles he’s giving you are syrupy sweet. Taking candids of Todomatsu is second nature to you at this point, and but he's making it hard because his hand is clearly holding somebody's in most of them.

They'll be edited to have his signature hair anyways. Todomatsu even in his regular plain clothes looks lovely next to all the costume characters, and the lights create a beautiful backdrop for his smiling face. "Stop that!" Todomatsu says as if you're flattering him, "I can't look that good." He's fishing for compliments again.

Well call yourself baited, "Of course you do, Totty. You always look amazing." You reply simply. As closing time approaches more people file out of the park, leaving you two to enjoy all the sights and smells on to way to the ferris wheel.

Todomatsu keeps you from getting too distracted since he never stops for long other than to take a quick picture. He seems determined to get to the ferris wheel for whatever reason.

Plus you catch Todomatsu constantly looking for excuses to get close to you to check the map on his phone. You know it's bullshit but you frown and say, “Here you go.” when he reaches for your phone. You’re aware Todomatsu knows how to navigate the device, it’s the exact same as his own and he was the one who gave it to you. So you roll your eyes when he ‘accidentally’ clicks on the home screen to view your background or locks your phone to see the lock screen.

You picked your favorite pictures of him to differentiate this phone from your personal one. Plus despite Todomatsu being a piece of shit in some moments you do feel your inner fangirl scream happily.

It took a while for you to figure out which picture you’d make your lock screen and you really had to choose it carefully. The lock screen had to show his most charming side, but also had to be impersonal enough that nobody would assume you actually knew him from the picture alone.

So you chose a professional one from his first photobook with Fujio Rock, one that really showed off his sweet-devil nature. It’s a little boring in retrospect but it’s what inspired you to change careers a few years ago.

Your lock screen is cute but your home screen is absolutely precious. One night Todomatsu insisted on taking a selfie with you after work during dinner. It does make you smile when you remember his arm wrapped around your waist and the cheesy grin, his silly little wink and peace sign while you scramble to put your strawberry lemonade down.

“Heheh...I turned off the screen again. The passcode is my birthday, isn’t it?” Todomatsu asks for the third time as if he wasn’t sure. “Yes it is, do you not remember that you set it as such when you gave me the phone?”

It's a game dealing with Todomatsu, and if this is a huge prank you want it to be known you were aware of it the whole time and weren't playing along. "Hm, do you know where we are? How do you read this?" Todomatsu asks getting even closer to you, even going as far as bending down so his face is closer to your own. Todomatsu passes the phone back to you casually.

"I do not know, Totty. I thought you knew where you were going." He's in your personal space; practically kissing range. A sly but charmingly innocent smile crosses his lips when he notices your flustered voice. It's heart tormentingly cute. “Could you please help me with this?” Todomatsu whispers in your ear. This is definitely learned helplessness.

“I think you know where we are supposed to go, Totty. I know you can see it from here.” You tell him when you jerk your head down. You decide to put your phone up after this by shoving it into your pocket. "I wonder," Todomatsu says cryptically before turning away leading you once more without issue. You don't notice your lips upturn. When you finally locate the hard to miss ferris wheel, Todomatsu flashes a pass and you skip the already short line.

As the ferris wheel comes to its conclusion, you feel Todomatsu's hand on your lower back, ready to usher you into the small car. "Wait, Totty! I really don’t wanna go through with this." Your voice is completely undignified, and you sound like a child. You've had enough time to mentally prepare for the ride, the prank, the fallout, the looking for a new job. But you’ve wasted it. Instead you've been taking pictures of Todomatsu,thinking about Todomatsu and smiling at Todomatsu. "Ehh, why not?" He pouts, as the door opens.

"I'm scared." You're being honest to the point where you feel so terribly small. You usually speak more formally than this, but you’re not in the right head-space to translate your words into polite speech. "Scared of what?" Todomatsu presses and you answer with the thing about this that scares you the most. "I'm terrified of heights." Todomatsu doesn't outwardly react negatively instead he does a weird hand motion and lights shut off in the distance. This action catches your attention as you look off to the distance.

"Okay," Todomatsu says uncharacteristically tender, before gently pulling you aside to a bench. You feel your heart calm down as Todomatsu wraps his arm around your shoulder. "No whining, Totty? Usually you cry until you get your way." You mumble sorta relieved but mostly sarcastic.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, a date is supposed to be fun." You don't make eye contact with Todomatsu, instead you find yourself leaning more into his shoulder for support as your eyes trail up the ferris wheel's true height. After witnessing a go around and listening to Todomatsu's steady breathing in silence you incrementally feel relaxed enough to try to face your fears. "Okay, I am ready now." You say quietly after a few moments of slow breathing.

"Really? We don't have to!" It's impossible for Todomatsu to keep the childish excitement from his voice. The question was more rhetorical at this point than anything. You slowly stand up and steel your nerves with Todomatsu’s palms pressed against the small of your back. Todomatsu is gently pushing you forward towards the wheel while speaking, "Nothing bad is going to happen! Ferris wheels are really safe, and you can't fall out or anything."

Everyone else seems to have cleared out and left the line in order to go on the final rides before they close for the evening. This leaves just you and Todomatsu who eagerly runs ahead with a nod to the ride attendant. In your peripheral you perceive some lights switch back on far away but your focus is on the person before you.

"Are you sure?" You ask Todomatsu who enters the car as soon as the last people unload. His illuminate brightly and you want to take a picture when his hair flutters in the evening breeze. Todomatsu grins at you reassuringly, with his hand reaching out to pull you in. The imagery of a fairy tale pops back into your mind. "I promise."

With some apprehension you finally take his hand and when your foot makes contact with the floor it feels unstable. You want to run away right then and there, but Todomatsu has a patient look on his face and steadies you. The car buckles under your weight, and rocks as you fully enter.

"It's okay if you don't want to do this, I understand." You look into Todomatsu’s big eyes that are still lit up by the surrounding lights and feel entranced. You decide you want to see more of him especially his uncertain smile. ‘Nothing bad is going to happen,' replays in your head. "I trust you." You admit quietly to Todomatsu, despite your better judgement. Todomatsu gasps loudly but his face instantly darkens in color as the most beautiful smile graces his lips.

When the door is closes with a thud you end up sitting right next to Todomatsu. The car travels a little off the ground and you feel like you might black out as you travel higher and higher as the wheel is being loaded. Thankfully it only loads half way through as everyone else who would have road it went to go on the roller coasters or more exciting rides before the park closes.

You try your hardest to look ANYWHERE but the outside of the window which leaves you with two options. Look at your phone or look at Todomatsu. Despite being aware of these options, you're too afraid to make any sudden movements to grab your phone out of your pocket. Feeling like you have no choice you take in the sight of Todomatsu. He's avoiding your intense gaze, and fidgeting in his seat almost bashfully. You want to ask what's wrong, but you're becoming more accustomed to this sort of Todomatsu when the two of you are alone.

"Todomatsu." Your voice is strained and it even warbles as you speak. You have next to no patience for adhering to his rules of conduct right now. You feel yourself rise higher off of the safe ground, the ground that protects you from falling to your death. You’re two seconds away from shrieking in horror as the adrenaline quickens your heart rate. "I told you to call me - never mind. Yes?" His eyes are still shifting in every direction but your face. You take note of his far away voice, and its wistful tone.

"What are we DOING up here?!" You're not only terrified, but that very same anxiety is twisting and writhing its way into being anger. Why does Todomatsu - the person who invited you up here feel nervous about being here? It has to be unsafe! Is Todomatsu going to ruin your life now?! Todomatsu jumps at your loud question, rocking the car.

"I want to show you something." You left a shriek out for a split second and completely ignore what Todomatsu says to you. You duck your head into his shoulder and take your now trembling fingers into his. Many things swirl around in your head such as ‘I’m going to fucking die!’ with each fraction of motion that the car makes, and ‘I’m going to kill him first for putting me through this!’.

You can hear Todomatsu verbally shiver and gulp a mouth full of air, "How scared are you right now?" Todomatsu asks with a vast yet quiet affection as if he’s content that you're touching him.

"I'm TERRFIED." You exclaim, and the force of your voice shakes the car once again. You're holding onto Todomatsu for dear life at this point, and he lets go of your hands to wrap his arms around you.

You're panting from fear, almost on the verge of hyperventilating. Todomatsu hums a tune while rubbing circles around your back. You attempt to quickly regain your composure with steady breathing but can't find it in you to remove your head from Todomatsu's chest.

You inhale the scent of his detergent, and almost bitterly laugh when you remember you washed this hoodie for him today. He's got you doing household chores now to ‘spend more time with you'. Like you’re his damn maid. After a few seconds Todomatsu giddily whispers in your hair, "I want to show you something outside, you don't have to look if you're scared though."

"What!?" You mumble, removing yourself finally from his person a little. "Look there!" Your eyes follow where he points, and the car stops with your car at the very top. Your eyes nearly burn as you stare into the bright pink lights that spell out ‘Date me?' You gasp, pulling away from him completely. You instantly regret this when the car rocks, sending you back into his arms.

This is harder than trigonometry, you realize as you do calculations in your head to figure out why would he put this much effort into embarrassing you.

Todomatsu is petty, rude, vindictive and vain but he's never been this evil before. At least not to your knowledge, and not over something as so small as you yelling at him once! or a few times. Why would he want to break your heart this badly? You quickly begin stand up, nearly screaming as the car sways.

"What are you --?" Todomatsu shouts with his arms extended wide open as an invitation for you to seek refuge in them. "Where are the cameras? This has to be a prank show!" You look in the corners of the car when standing up becomes to frightening you sit on the opposite side from him.

“Where are they, Todomatsu?! Isn’t this too cruel?” You scream at him with tears burning your eyes. "No!" Todomatsu's voice is fed up, like he's tired of you and is dealing with a very hard headed child. He instantly switches to your side of the car and envelops you in a deep embrace.

"I like you! A LOT! You're so dense and paranoid, I can't believe this - I'm not so awful that I'd toy with your feelings like this. I know I'm not the nicest person, but even I wouldn't do that." He even throws in a ‘I can't believe you think so lowly of me!’ under his breath before continuing. "I just! I just want to really date you."

You almost feel yourself choke on a sob at these words. The car shakes a little coming back to life after being stalled for several minutes. Your arms snake around his body with fear when the car lurches forward with movement. Todomatsu laughs, and you feel your almost relieved that you were right! Your stomach churns with anxiety and you’re so glad the other shoe is finally dropping. Todomatsu nearly had you for a second there.

You’ll be able to leave this car with some dignity. Until he speaks. "I knew it! I knew you liked me back, nobody else has ever cared about me like you." Todomatsu nuzzles into your neck and heaves out a sweet sigh.

"What do you mean by that?" You have no idea what he's talking about, do you care for Todomatsu? Honestly, you have no idea! Your thoughts are complex; Totty was your favorite from Fujio Rock but that was before you met him, and you won’t like and say you don’t think fondly about the good moments you've had with him after a hard day's work when the two of you would veg out and watch comedy programs.

You think about how over the past couple months he's taken you to his ‘favorite secret spot' which is an oden stand ran by a friend, how when he found out you were being sexually harassed on the train he began having you get picked up in the morning! Todomatsu has done a few sweet things for you, and you suppose you've tried to show your appreciation in small ways. But do you care about him? You feel a fondness rise from your heart that bubbles out like a boiling pot. You take a moment to survey Todomatsu's appearance, the lights from the ferris wheel highlight his well taken care of dark hair in ever changing colors, and the smile on his face makes you marshmallow soft. He looks so picturesque when he speaks in this moment. Here it comes, you think. the Got You moment.

“Remember that day a while back? It made me realize you believe in me more than anyone else does. Everybody says I shouldn't have gone solo, and that I don't have the talent or drive for it but you're always pushing me to do better and be better. I want to succeed, and I know I can with you at my side. Nobody would nag me that much if they didn't care!” Todomatsu explains fondly and you actually pity him for it. You’re unfortunately awestruck when you peer into his stupidly large eyes and you blink as Todomatsu's face comes closer to yours until you can practically feel his gaze locked in on your lips. "Can I kiss you?" He asks, breath ghosting your lips.

"Okay!" That jittery voice sounds so unlike you but to be fair this whole day is wildly out of character for Todomatsu as well. “Thank you.” Todomatsu murmurs sweetly before pressing just close enough to be considered a kiss. Your eyes flutter shut and you’re still not fully convinced this isn't a huge practical joke when he kisses you.

The kiss is so romantic and gentle, you melt into it earnestly. When Todomatsu pulls away first, you linger and almost bridge the gap for another kiss. Your hesitance and complacency is a huge problem for you, you think in that moment. You kiss him this time taking matters into your hands. When you break the kiss Todomatsu licks his lips while looking you dead in the eyes. “What is your problem?” You ask with a gulp and look away quickly just as Todomatsu starts giggling. “You are.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. Finally! Finally is the moment of your life shattering. Instead of the laughter turning into vitriol barking, Todomatsu twists until he's in your line of sight again. "Oh," He starts off sensually. "Did you really think you could hide that from me forever?" You're still on guard, but you vocalize your confusion.

"Huh?" As you descend further down the on your second lap around the axis, "You're wearing my brand of lip balm." His voice is so cocky you want to die, but then he kisses you again and again until moments before the ferris wheel makes it to the bottom.

Todomatsu sneaks in one last kiss the half second before the door was opened. Todomatsu practically floats out of the car, while you're breathless and flustered trying to stumble out. As you trip over the ledge of the door Todomatsu quickly catches you. In your ear you hear him whisper ‘did you fall for me?'

As cheesy as it is you feel yourself flush further. “I think I may have.” You admit when Todomatsu releases you and walks away. You stand there dumb with an open mouth for a moment in a daze until Todomatsu playfully calls out from ahead, "Come on!" releasing you from your trance.

“Okay so we're going to the concert venue, wait in the crowd for me. Todomatsu makes no effort to pretend he doesn't know where he's going anymore and all of a sudden Todomatsu seems to be in business mode. His voice is the same strict one he uses to say ‘Give me tea.'

You frown at this sudden change, but you too switch into your worksona. "Understood." You say coolly. Then you realized something crucial.

"Wait, I’m not going to be back stage with you?" You accidentally use casual language without thinking. Todomatsu's face softens into an adorable grin.

"Because," Any pretenses gone as he sings out each syllable, "This is for our date, not work!" As you're being lead through the labyrinth of Akatsuka Amusement, Todomatsu starts a new conversation. "What did you think of my new single?" Todomatsu waits expectantly for you to praise him and his talents like usual.

You duck your head down, wishing your phone was in your hand and not in your pocket still. As you stare directly at your feet watching each foot fall your face grows hotter each second. "It was really good." You mumble.

“Do you remember what I said about it?” You want to pinpoint his voice as smug, but the emotions are much more complicated than that. “Yes...” You internally groan at how weak your voice sounds. Even you aren't foolish to think this is still a prank.

Despite every terrible intention you've known Todomatsu to have, he's never pulled a stunt like this towards anyone else before. Sure he's tripped his brothers, or caused bodily harm to them. And yes he's been known to psychologically manipulate people time to time, but this has gone from being sort of funny if you were a shitty person to being downright torture if it were all just a game to get back at you.

Even the cruelest of people would cringe in empathy for you if this were a joke! You never thought of Todomatsu as evil, which is what this would be. So you have no choice but to trust Todomatsu has some shred of humanity to his character.

“That it was for me,” Your voice is so quiet and unsure. In the back of your head there is someone screaming and scratching at the walls, begging for you to run away finally. Your own thought process informs you that running away is all that you're good at anyways. As you're debating with yourself Todomatsu slips his hand back into yours. It feels like a puzzle piece being slotted into the right place. “That's right, I wrote it for you! I'm glad you like it.” He squeezes your hand before starting to swing it a little a bit with innocence.

"It was so easy to get inspired because I really like you!" Todomatsu’s gleeful voice has you blushing even more. "You like me back, right?" All of this eye contact will be the death of you is all you can manage to think when you see Todomatsu’s heart eyes.

You laugh breathlessly, "If I did not before, I do now." You brace yourself for a split second for the mocking laughter instead you hear Todomatsu hum to himself. "Did you before?" Truthfully, as you spent more time with Todomatsu and got to know him as an artist. No.

Instead of being honest, you smile at him with a secret. "I'll tell you later, Totty." He doesn't complain when you say this.

The venue is empty when you finally finish the walk over to the back of the stage and you know he’s going to depart soon but Todomatsu's hand lingers as its supposed to let go of yours. You watch him mouth and points "Go down there!" When he gets ushered off by stage hands and other members of the park’s live show team.

As you're making your way you hear several announcements for people to come to the concert arena, it takes you a few minutes to find where you're supposed to go because you're just so much in a daze. You don’t even realize that other people have rapidly filing into the small arena until someone bumps into your arm and quietly says excuse me. Once you're surrounded in the newly formed crowd you see a lot of people on dates and small children.

You take some pictures of the empty stage so you can tweet them for Todomatsu and until you see Todomatsu step out in his full idol gear. That was fast, you think to yourself! You’ll have to praise Todomatsu for getting ready so quickly because he typically draws the entire process out.

Todomatsu’s wig perfectly styled and his outfit is surprisingly pastel. It’s incredibly princely and not at all like the edgy psuedo-bdsm style Todomatsu was known for with Fujio Rock so you briefly wonder when he decided to make the style change, but this suits him.

Todomatsu sets up his electric keyboard quickly and you snap a few pictures of it without thinking too much into it. Once everything is set Todomatsu checks his mics and some adjustments to the sound mixing Todomatsu finally addresses the crowd.

“Good evening!” Todomatsu cheerfully calls out, “Is everyone enjoying the park this evening?” The crowd cheers loudly and you can see some people get handed some glow sticks.

"Everyone, tonight is a very special night! Why? Because you're here!" Todomatsu's eyes somehow find yours instantly when he says the last three words. A few girls next to you squeal and you affectionately roll your eyes with a smile. Todomatsu lingers for a moment clearly savoring your expression before turning to speak to the rest of the crowd.

You do your duties and take pictures of him when he's looking especially cute. Not because you'd like to enjoy looking at him in this new context as your boyfriend? Todomatsu DID ask you out! You’ll need to seriously think about your answer but in the back of your throat you know if he asked you right now you would instantly agree to anything right now.

"I'm going to sing a couple of songs from my solo album for the first time live, then it'll be time for the park to close! Once I'm done please exit the park safely!" Todomatsu begins to play the keyboard while singing with a lot of emotion.

Most of his set was super cutesy "I love you, princess" songs expected of him, but there was a song that told a story about a lonely child. You mouth along because you know the words by heart, and you can hear some fans do the same for the newly released singles.

Todomatsu's voice is so sweet and gentle through most of the songs, even his energetic tunes don't sound overwhelmingly cheerful.

You hoped that Todomatsu would vaguely address you when he opened for his last love song, but you realized singling out any one person or even alluding to a person would be terrible for his image and career. Instead Todomatsu sung it with his eyes locked on yours for as long as he was able to maintain while being inconspicuous.

Todomatsu's voice conveys a sense of yearning you've never heard from him before so you soon when Todomatsu sings an introspective line about how he wonders how soft her lips are with a glance at you before continuing to the next line.

You felt flustered because you now know how soft his are. Todomatsu hasn't had a day without at least lip balm in years you assume so they're delicately soft.

You touch your lips without thinking, and Todomatsu smiles from the stage as he sings the final romantic verse. "Thank you everyone, please drive safe!" You blink and he's gone leaving you alone in the disbursing crowd of people.

You linger as people file out of the concert space, almost glued to the same spot. Something tells you that leaving now would ruin something you’re not exactly sure what but this idea is small and fragile in your heart. So you wait and wait even an hour after the shows ended and the people who assumed they'd be able to meet Todomatsu if they stayed long enough left.

After another fifteen minutes when the lights shut off for the park you begin to question your decision to wait.

You wait another five minutes before turning to walk away because Todomatsu must be really mad at you for leaving him by the car. You wonder why he hasn't come to get you, he knows where you are! or at least would be.

Right as you're exiting the threshold of the concert venue, you hear the lights shut off which for an instant reassured you Todomatsu wasn't coming back. It isn't until you hear the speakers crackle alive and a microphones feedback that you stop in your tracks.

"Wait, Y/n-chan!" Todomatsu's voice reaches you from the stage thanks to the audio equipment your head whips around you don’t exactly shocked, but feeling something adjacent.

"You weren't going to leave without me, right?" Todomatsu calls from the stage warmly; your heart is pounding like crazy in your ears as you make the trek back to the foot of the stage.

You almost couldn't believe the turn of events today you had no idea Todomatsu could not only be charming but not vindictive enough to hurt you with those charms. You were severely wrong about him.

Todomatsu provides music for your walk back to the stage which is kinda embarrassing until you reach your original spot. The piano's keys begin to transition into something more melodic and sweeter instead of the slow notes in sync with your steps.

As you stand planted with wide eyes peering up at Todomatsu with equal measures pensiveness, and lovesickness Todomatsu softly begins to sing.

Todomatsu voice is a lot closer to his regular talking pitch, the one he uses when he isn't being cutesy. You can hear the scratchiness in his throat which tells you he probably didn't take a lozenge so you think to scold him later, but you're entranced by this rawness.

The words are something you've never heard before and it's most definitely not the love song he wrote about the serious person before.

The song he's singing is a formal confession you had heard of the concept of kokuhaku previously, but never thought you'd be on the receiving end of it. Not once did you think Todomatsu would write a song about asking you to be his official girlfriend! It’s a lot to take in at once, you think unable to pick your jaw off the floor.

A recording of the other instruments begins to slowly flow in the speakers and Todomatsu leaves the keyboard. Without even thinking in a daze you mirror Todomatsu's steps forward to meet him at the end of the stage. Todomatsu gracefully kneels down still singing and reaches out to you.

The words, “I love you” are sung and your heart can't take anymore! Not when your hands found their way to Todomatsu's, not when his eyes are gleaming with affection, and definitely when the song ends and he pulls you onto the stage.

Todomatsu has a surprising amount of strength for how small his arms are, you help yourself onto the stage and fall into his open arms. He's laughing, and you can't hear your own over your heartbeat, but your face hurts from smiling for the past few minutes nonstop. “I really like you too Totty!" You're giggling with an open heart and it feels like all the negative paranoia has been cleared out all at once. You're smiling through the kiss you receive from Todomatsu like sunshine overfilling a dark room.

"Good, this was a lot to organize! You better love me forever!" Todomatsu exclaims and begins to shift which reminds you that you should probably get up. When you're on your feet, Todomatsu joins you. "Let's go home, okay?" He says chipperly, and you nod.

"Ah, wait a second. Stay right here." Todomatsu suddenly looks like he remembered something, and you do as you're told as he jogs away. A few seconds pass with you growing more anxious being left alone on top of an empty stage save for his keyboard, almost in the spotlight. Todomatsu comes back holding the book in his hands just when you were about to squirm.

"Ah, Totty!" Your lovestruck sigh more than relieved when Todomatsu holds the book out to you like it's his confession letter. "Please accept this gift," You kiss him without thinking. The book is in your hands as you pull back, and your cheeks hurt from how happy you feel with Todomatsu. Your smile conveys all the emotion you can muster. "Thank you." You can’t keep the emotion from your voice.

You press this very important book to your heart because it's the first gift your boyfriend has ever given you and you'll cherish it and him forever. Those are you last thoughts when Todomatsu kisses you again before he pulls away. “This was the hardest part to set up,” Todomatsu whispers before tilting your head towards the open sky. “I had to bribe a lot of people for this so you can’t ever break up with me. Even when I irritate you.” Just as you were about to tell Todomatsu off you witness the words “I love you!” explode across the sky in fireworks. You hate him so much, you think as you smother Todomatsu’s giggling face with his own brand of lip balm.

#osomatsu san #ososan #totty #matsuno todomatsu/reader #todomatsu x reader #todomatsu x si #roros fics #not looking at this again until next week gn everybody #Actually I am gonna fix some light typoes excuse me #I hit the character limit so I have to fix this now #idol ch 1 #idol worship fic #multichapter ososan fic

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