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dare-to-dm · 2 months

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I have such a love/hate relationship with the Assassin's Creed series.

On the one hand, I hate that it feels like Ubisoft is maliciously designing this franchise to eternally suck money out of my wallet without ever giving me narrative closure or quality design. Like, there are so many cynical at best design decisions in this series. For context, I'm currently playing Assassin's Creed Valhalla, and I've already played every mainline title up to this one, except for AC: Unity, because I've decided to die mad about the whole "It's too hard to make a female playable character" thing. And for a long time now, it feels like each new title is shallowly chasing industry trends in order to try to appeal to a more mainstream audience. In AC Valhalla, there are so many mechanics straight up lifted from other popular games, but implemented so poorly and in such a vestigial way that it doesn't feel cohesive. Like, they tried to implement the pawn system from Dragon's Dogma for some reason, or the puzzles from Senua's Sacrifice. And this is a sad look for a series that was at one time so groundbreaking that it was influencing other franchises instead. In addition to just stealing a grab bag of mechanics from other games, Assassin's Creed is sacrificing its own unique identity to emulate other popular genres, with the combat in AC: Valhalla feeling way more soul-sy than it has any rights to. I mean, there are straight up boss battles in this game.

Boss Battles. In an Assassin's Creed game.

And you can't even just straight up assassinate anyone anymore. Like, if the opponent NPC is a higher level than you, than an assassination is basically just a fancy attack that does a little extra damage. Meaning there's hardly a reason to bother with stealth anymore, you might as well open up combat with a big flashy ability that will at least stun other opponents.

To their credit, you can change this in the Settings. In fact, if there's one thing they put a lot of effort into designing, it's the difficulty options. You can make it so assassinations are always an instant kill. You can make it so that opponents are always the same level as you. You can precisely calibrate how much damage you give and receive. There are also difficulty options for the stealth and for the exploration. You can literally remap the controls however you like. Honestly, I laud them for this. Although a cynical side of me feels like it's also indicative of a weak vision for the game. Rather than crafting an experience for a specific audience, it's another attempt to design for broad appeal.

All this is not to mention all the crap they've gotten up to with their monetization strategies. That could be a whole other post.

I've stuck with the series due to my interest in the story, and it feels a little like they're holding that interest hostage. Each new release gives me tantalizing bread crumbs, but little if anything is ever truly resolved or answered. It leaves me wondering if there's any kind of master plan for the whole thing, or if they're literally just stringing me along with whatever bullshit they think will keep me engaged with no end in sight.

But on the other hand, sometimes those bread crumbs are so good.

Like, there's at least one person on the development team (and probably far more) who is putting real time and effort into making a well researched, intricate, interconnecting story. Someone who makes me feel rewarded for my 100% completion tendencies with all these little nuggets of story and character and clues that feels like it all adds up to something special.

A moment for me in AC Valhalla that reminded me of why I like this series so much is when the viking protagonist travels to "Vinland" and meets some First World People there, who in the game are speaking Iroquois. And there is no translation. Like the protagonist, you are stuck guessing what they are saying from their body language and context clues. It's such a cool way of getting you immersed in the story and setting, and it really stuck with me. And then of course I searched online for a translation, and it feels like the writing team integrated the lore and culture here very respectfully. Like with ACIII, it's clear they consulted with real current speakers of the language, and in addition there is an inclusion of a Mohawk creation myth (which also ties into tidbits explored in both ACIII and AC Rogue). And those creation myths might have been shared simply as a nod to the culture being presented here, but it might also tie into the greater mystery surrounding the Isu, which is cool to speculate about.

Basically, there are some really cool storytelling things happening in this series, and it often motivates me to research and learn a bit more about real history. I just can't give it up.

I've heard that AC Mirage was more of a "return to basics", and optimistically I hope that means the game mechanics are returning to more of what gives Assassin's Creed it's own unique identity. But as long as they keep giving me those narrative nuggets of gold, I'm stuck for the ride.

#Assassin's Creed #long post #sometimes you need to get your feelings out

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trailofleaves · 4 months

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"We have lost all sense of home – whether it’s the natural world, our only planet, or our bodies, now sites of anxiety and dissatisfaction, or our scrabble for property in vast alienated cities where few can afford safety, peace, quiet, even a garden. How can a book get me home? It reminds me of where home is – by which I mean I am remapped by the book. My internal geography shifts, my values shift. I remember myself, my world, my body, who I am."

— Jeanette Winterson, Afterword to Nan Shepherd, The Living Mountain

#Jeanette Winterson #Nan Shepherd #The Living Mountain #books #reading #home

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iveneverdoneanythingwrong · 3 months

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Porsche would make a great Head of the Minor Family

So I was starting my 579042th KinnPorsche rewatch and had gotten to one specific scene in Episode 1 when it hit me: Porsche is really the only character in the show suitable to run the Minor Family (Vegas fans, don't @ me, I will explain).

Let's take stock of the lay of the land and the major players:

(Warning: image and gif heavy)

The Major Family

The Major Family can mostly be summed up in one word: Corporate. The survival and profitability of The Family is the overarching goal of this organization and as such, each person not literally in the Family cannot really be irreplaceable and no one can afford to think they are. Individuality is not encouraged in service to the Major Family. All the bodyguards wear the same western style uniform (though most will have a small spin on it). They live in a cult-like atmosphere (another meta entirely) and are always at work even when not on duty. Their ability to interact with the outside world is controlled by the family, their hobbies, their food, their associations, their ability to express themselves, their very being is controlled by the family; absolutely no distractions. They are in an hierarchy so rigidly enforced that Chan only has to raise his voice to regain control when things get a tiny bit rowdy with the introduction of Porsche.

The Minor Family

The Minor Family is basically a gang. They're not regimented. They wear their own clothes. They have women in skin tight dresses hanging around. They have open access to the outside world. They drink alcohol while in the compound, they slouch and relax and play games. They might be able to work well together, but in no way could they accomplish any kind of long term plan or cooperate with the Major Family (who give them legal cover) without a strong hand.

Which is provided by Gun, who presents himself as one of them - the clothes, the dinning table in the court yard, the shared meals, the relaxed atmosphere when not actually on duty. But though he plays at some kind of equality, his people know that he views them as expendable. They live in a cognitive dissonance where their everyday experiences say they are Family and appreciated, but know that this is only a façade. We only see it once, but even just approaching Gun with the very welcome news of his hated brother's death is immediately met with the smiling physical abuse that he hands out at even imaginary signs of disrespect.

The Heirs

Gun has taught this form of management to Vegas, who plays up to Porsche about caring for his bodyguards and then forcibly uses them as literal meat shields during the coup. We see absolutely no relationships between Vegas and his guards at all. Vegas would have to unlearn all he's been taught by his father, completely remap his relationship with his employees, and work together closely and amicably with the Major Family, who he has be taught his entire life to see as the enemy. All of these things would take years in therapy to accomplish.

Contrasted with Kinn who perpetuates the cult due to his father's manipulations but breaks it regularly once Porsche's arrival reminds him of his own personality and management style. Not only does he know that Pete has a grandmother, he even has her number in his phone. He goes to Pete for advice for how to talk to Porsche, and doesn't seem uncomfortable at the idea that he would need help from an employee. He indulges Arm bugging his suit on Porsche's behest. He protects his own bodyguards in the coup. (Is Kinn an idiot? Quite probably, yes.)

Porsche

Porsche from a young age was basically forced to be head of his own family. Sure, he had an "uncle" there, but he did basically nothing. Porsche has been responsible not only for the goals of the family but also for the means of attaining those goals.

He wasn't regimented, like Korn, and he also wasn't abusive, like Gun. In fact, he was very lax in his family, with only one overarching boundary that we can confirm: loyalty. It doesn't seem matter how much you fuck up, so long as you remain loyal to him and his. You don't have to actually contribute much of anything to earn his affection, his protection, or a place at his table. You just have to not fuck him over.

And that's why Porsche would make a fantastic Minor Family head. Thee himself admits he wasn't any use to Porsche growing up. He "invested" all the money in "crypto", which Porsche sees as just a mistake. It put the family at risk, it made it much harder for Porsche to achieve his goals, but it wasn't done maliciously so Porsche is content to let it go and still let Thee try to be useful in other ways.

Until Porsche discovers that Thee has been lying to them. Thee has betrayed Porsche and Chay. He has not had their best interest in mind and just been making mistakes. He's been actively, knowingly, making things worse. And the scene that showed it all was this one, where Porsche goes from this:

to this:

Even as a civilian, Porsche demonstrates the mindset necessary to run a Family, and not just any Family but specifically the Minor Family. Unlike Gun, Porsche is easy going. He is relaxed. He will also absolutely cut his uncle off with nothing at the first betrayal.

He's is absolutely the type to eat with his employees as close to equal as social positions allow and actually mean it. The gaslighting atmosphere of the Minor Family under Gun would be truth under Porsche. He would treat them as Family so long as they maintained their loyalty. Within weeks of being introduced, Porsche managed to turn at least some Main Family bodyguards (the closest and most trusted!) into his assets. Pete volunteered for a very dangerous assignment to protect Porsche.

Arm assisted Porsche not only in spying on his boss, but also in coming up with codes and protocol for Porsche's benefit in case Kinn does something Porsche doesn't want. Pol and Arm eavesdrop on a meeting not only with Kinn but with Korn and relay the contents of that meeting to other bodyguards we haven't met because they were so invested in Porsche's love story.

Since Porsche has been kidnapped into the mafia, he been trained and had his moral boundaries violated expanded in relation to violence. He already had the ability to bring out loyalty in people just by being himself and now he has an innate understanding of the fine line between I'm Not Mad, Just Disappointed and violence as boundary-setting, which I think would make for even more cultish fanaticism from his men than Korn's studied manipulations.

Thankfully he has a loyalty to Kinn that could never happen with Vegas, making them an absolute power couple of the Thai underworld.

#kinnporsche #kpts #kinnporsche textpost #kpts textpost #porsche kittisawat #porsche pachara #kinn annakin #kinn theerapanyakul #gun theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul #my meta #kinnporsche meta #i've had this sitting in my drafts for months #because executive disfunction is a bitch #but now I'm posting it even though I wanted to do more screenshots/gifs #because fuck it #if it don't do it now i probably won't do it at all

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corseque · 22 days

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look I don't even know if I'm looking forward to actually playing the game* but I CAN tell you I am looking forward to every scrap of analysis and meta you will post about it.

*I have chronic hand pain where it's a delicate balance of how many buttons I can push in any given week without being in excruciating pain and i gotta work so my gaming time is very limited which means I can't participate in the fandom resurgence the way I could in 2014 and that makes me sad. so. lots of mixed feelings.

I'm so sorry to hear that! I've heard that DA4 is going to have incredible accessibility options, different than any bioware game before, like the remapping of buttons (maybe you could try a foot pedal?) and it will also have a godmode storymode as well, so it might be possible that those options together are enough to get you through the story part of it?

But otherwise, I hope to be able to give you some joy with it.

#Dragon Age

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littlelittlesimmies · 5 months

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Explanatory pinned post

I might stay at home for several more weeks for... reasons. So I'm still looking for things to do once my revision of the 3t2 Store "Sun, Surf & Sand" by HC is done. My favorite things are currently adding slots (yes, I promise I find it relaxing, don't ask) and create repo'd add-ons (I can remap if necessary most of the time). Adding subsets is fun too. Mesh edits/fixes are also something I might have fun to do.

I only do buy mode things. So no windows, doors, fences and such. Maybe one day I will, but for now I'm not interested in learning new skills. I'd better improve what I already know.

So If you have something in mind that fits, please don't hesitate to tell me in the comments, and in the comments only. I really need everything to be at the same place so I will ignore suggestions sent privately. Thank you for understanding ! edit : (well, if you need to add an image or something, a reblog is ok too, it's still "at the same place" for me as I can find it by checking the post notes)

You can make suggestions as long as this post is pinned.

As usual, I can't promise I'll do what you suggest. If it does not inspire me, well... I mean all of that is supposed to be fun, right ?

#sims 2 #ts2

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pupintransit · 3 months

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Something fun i've noticed in the last couple days is that the novelty of my pussy has worn off.

I mean, realistically that's the goal right? You go through untold eons of feeling wrong about your body, you take the opportunity to correct it, and by X units of time it feels normal. Like you've always had this body, like walking around and simply vibing was always your reality. I remember that I possessed a penis and testes and i remember what they looked like on my body, but how they felt is becoming more and more of a distant memory.

My vulva feels natural to me now. I think all of the mental remapping my brain had to do in order to get accustomed to the change is over and done with. My folds and textures are second nature to me now, like i can look at myself in a mirror and think "Yes, I know what that part of me is supposed to look and feel like now, i don't actually have to reach down there to find it."

I reach down anyway of course. Have i mentioned how much fun masturbating is yet? I could literally do it for hours now and it feels just as natural as jerking my cock did. Moreso!

I'm taking a minute now and trying to remember the feeling of my balls dangling between my legs. I can describe it; sweaty, delicate, loose if the temperature was a little too warm. It sort of felt like a floppy stress ball that you weren't supposed to squeeze too tightly. I can recall, too, how those physical sensations made me feel, and remembering is making me physically uncomfortable already. Now though, when i turn my minds eye toward my body those sensations are absent. Of course they would be, right? I don't have those parts anymore. But I did for 30 whole ass years. It was a fundamental component of my being, and now i can only recall those feelings if i but an active effort into doing so. How dope is that shit?

I know folks who have said that their pre-op memories get changed ever so slightly after they get gender affirming surgery. Say you're thinking about a vacation you were on were the shower in your hotel wasn't working, and you get blasted with freezing water when it should have been nice and warm. That version of you would have your post-op or post-HRT body instead of what you had back when that memory was formed. That's so interesting to me! I'm not at that stage yet but i'm really excited to see if it's something i experience.

I think now's a good moment to mention something, and against my better judgement I'll probably write about how this relates to The Discourse™️ of my flavour of nonbinary, but your dysphoria doesn't actually have to be crippling in order to qualify to gender affirming care. I could still masturbate and wash myself pre-op without significant distress, for example. You don't have to "earn" it by proving you're sufficiently. If HRT or gender affirming surgery would improve your quality of life, if you can explain that without lying to your care providers and demonstrate you understand the medical risks, then that's all you need to do to "earn" your medical care. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you, even if they themselves are transgender.

Especially if they themeselves are transgender.

If you're pushing back against nonbinary indenities, or people "inventing" new genders, labels, and definitions, or even just against kink in the trans community, i hate to tell you that it won't make the people oppressing us think you're one of the good ones. Us living authentically isn't setting the trans acceptance movement back, it's what it's supposed to allow us to do in the first place. I would really encourage you to rexamine why you have those beliefs, and why me getting a cunt installed as someone who passes as cisgender constitutes a net negative for our community.

Anyway that concludes the ranting portion of today's mini-essay.

Every time i think i've hit an apex with my joy it keeps getting stronger and stronger. This is the best decision i've ever made, not just because it made my body finally make sense to me, but because it made feeling normal so boring. I can't ask for a better outcome than that.

#trans #transgender #queer #genderqueer #enby #nonbinary #masculine nonbinary #transition journey #introspection #gender euphoria #do conservative queers add anything of value to our community?

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euphoniumpets · 1 year

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Little prince | Nikolai Lantsov x Starkov! Reader

Summary: after revealing that you were pregnant with Nikolai's child, you never thought of having birth to his children.

Requested? Yes: so maybe the starkov!reader is pregnant with child number you decide. And the birth, just like Hyacinth and Baelons birth, gets really difficult. And the healers don‘t know what else to do, but to cut the child out of her. And they want Nikolai to decide. So lots of angst, but with a happy ending and maybe her powers helping her and screaming at the healers, because I am quite sure this is something she would do.

A/N: i am actually hooked of combining the HOTD and shadow and bone lmao. This is an AU for the calm before the storm.

also y/s/n = your son name

Warnings: childbirth, blood and gore.

request rules | navi | new masterlist | series masterlist

Ever since you had told him that you were pregnant, Nikolai felt happy. Then he felt scared and doubted everything what he was doing and started to wonder if he would be a great father to his children.

He didn't want them to grow up like he did at the palace or that the children would be treated badly. He just wanted to be a perfect father like any children would wish.

It was your second time to give birth since Baelon was the first one to heir the throne after Nikolai and he couldn't grow worried for you. The first one was already bad enough and he had the fear if the childbirth was going to be wrong this time.

''I can hear you overthinking,'' You spoke and rolled your eyes when you saw him looking lost into the window of Ravka. Nikolai had finished his meeting with Alina and Zoya about how they were going to remaps everything now the Fold was gone and how to reunite the rest of the worlds.

You knew that he had been stressed out lately, especially now when Baelon have to be taught his duties and now that you were pregnant with his second child. ''Everything is going to be fine,'' You assured him and approached him by the window. ''I really doubt that,'' You heard him mutter and turned to look at you before his eyes trailed over to your belly.

Nikolai let out a heavy sigh before placing one of his hand onto your stomach and felt the baby kick. ''At least someone is excited to see father,'' You amused and felt the baby kick several times as Nikolai haven't moved his hand away yet. Nikolai chuckled.

''What did the healers say this time?'' Nikolai asked and looked at you. You wrapped your arms around his shoulder for comfort. ''That the baby is heathy and strong,'' You replied and looked at Nikolai, who still looked uncertian.

''He will be fine,'' You replied as he let out an heavy sigh.

Although, it wasn't fine at all. Your birth took you by surprise during a meeting and you didn't had time to process at all before all the maidens and the healers carried you to the chambers to prepare for his arrival.

Zoya had to get Nikolai away under a meeting and stormed inside of the room when he saw you on the bed, filled with pain, sweat, and tears as he heard you scream. It broke him when he heard those painful screams.

''Breathe, moya tsaritsa,'' You heard one of the maidens tell you in front of you. You gasped and took a breath in before letting out a scream through your lips. ''Where's Nik?'' All you could say before you felt Nikolai grab your hand for comfort. ''I'm here,'' You heard him say softly as the maidens tried to wipe the sweat off you and make you comfortable as possible.

However, Nikolai noticed the distress on the healer in front of him and he grew worried. ''What's wrong?'' He demanded with a firm voice as the healer looked. ''Moi Tsar...'' The healer stuttered and you looked at them with concern before you felt the pain coursing through your body.

It felt like that every inch of your bones were about to snap in pieces.

''Something is wrong with the baby...'' The healer began to say and you wanted to rip the man heads off at that moment. ''What do you mean?'' Nikolai asked, the concern growing larger by the minute in his body and the gut grew.

''We need to cut her open, the baby isn't going to survive if she keeps pushing,''

''The last time we spoke you told our baby was healthy,'' You snapped at him while panting hard before letting a groan. ''Y-yes, I know, Moya Tsaritsa but all childbirth gets difficult...''

''What are your suggestions?'' Nikolai cut him off. ''We need to cut her off if you want the baby to survive,''

''Is there anymore options?''

''I'm afraid not, Moi Tsar,'' The healers responded. ''The choice is all yours,'' Nikolai thought for a moment before he looked at you, who was still in pain and with tears storming down on your cheeks. He didn't want to hurt you but it was all he could do to cut the baby out of you. He didn't want to loose you and the baby, but what choice did he have?

''Do it,'' Nikolai responded with a firm voice and looked at the healer.

''Nik,'' You warned him before letting out a painful gasp. ''It's for the best, you're hurting the baby and the baby is hurting you,'' He replied and you looked at him before shaking your head frantially.

You saw the healer grabbing a sharp small knife and you tried to protest your way out before Nikolai held you tightly on the bed with the help of the others. ''No, please!'' You screamed before you felt the sharp pain through your stomach.

Nikolai stared at the baby who slept soundlessly in his arms. He had your eyes and he for sure knew that he would have the blonde hair from his father when he would grow older. He heard footsteps coming through the room and saw his other son approaching carefully with curious eyes.

''Wanna meet your brother?'' He asked with a smile and saw y/s/n walking towards him. Nikolai grabbed a chair so that he could be on his level. ''What's his name?'' y/s/n asked.

''Baelon,'' Nikolai answered.

''Hello, Baelon, I'm y/s/n and are your older brother,'' He spoke and looked at the small baby in his arms. A knock sounded in the room and he turned around where he saw Genya in the doorframe.

''She's awake,'' Genya spoke before approaching him. ''I'm going to see your mother, stay with Genya for a while, alright?'' He asked y/s/n who nodded.

Nikolai walked back to the chambers where he saw one of the maidens holding a washcloth and patted on your forehead slightly. They saw Nikolai before walking out of the room, you turned around and saw the small figure in his hands.

''Wanna meet him?'' Nikolai asked and approached you by the bed. You nodded as Nikolai handed Baelon to you. ''How are you feeling?'' He asked and looked at you with concern.

''I'm fine, i'm just weak, but I think my powers helped me heal a little during the time,'' You replied in a weak voice. ''I'm sorry,'' He apologized.

''I know it wasn't my decision to choose-''

''But you were right,'' You replied and looked at him. ''We could've lost him, you and y/s/n could've lost me too,'' You told him and looked at him with assurance.

Nikolai placed a small kiss on your forehead as the two of you heard the door creak open. You and Nikolai turned around where a small head popped out and you saw y/s/n hiding with his face behind the door.

''Wanna say hi to your brother?'' You spoke with a small smile. You saw his face lit up before walking toward the bed as Nikolai helped him to get up on the bed. You chuckled toward y/s/n at his enthusiasm as the three of you cuddled with each other while welcoming Baelon into the world.

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov x y/n #shadow and bone x reader #nikolai lantsov fanfiction

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lavenderfeminist · 2 months

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this isn't really about chappell roan cus I agree with you she's probably bisexual not a lesbian but also your opinions on lesbians vs bisexual doesn't really leave room for the ability to live in denial. like I identified as asexual for years because I knew I wasn't attracted to men but I also internalised the rhetoric a lot of asexuals perpetuate that you can have sex like as a favour to your partner even if you don't enjoy it. which is also something a lot of heterosexual women are taught. so to say that every woman who has ever had a male partner in the past regardless of her own feelings and experiences during that relationship can now not be a lesbian and must be bisexual doesn't really ring true to me. I do agree there are a lot of bisexuals out there who are bisexual when theyre with men but call themselves lesbian when they're with women and that pisses me off. also what's your opinion on men who have wives and kids for years and then abandon their families because they realised they're gay? I always feel it's so selfish to do that to someone but the overwhelming narrative around it is that they were the victim for having to live a lie

It’s pretty easy to observe that you don’t want to have sex with men when you never want to have sex with them. I didn’t have to fuck a man a single time to know I don’t want to, because shockingly it’s really easy not to have sex with people you don’t want to have sex with (when there’s not coercion involved, which doesn’t count as consent anyway). I grew up with the expectation that I wait for marriage to man to have sex, and that was fine with me because I couldn’t understand why anybody would struggle not to have sex until marriage…until I was willing to acknowledge to myself that I very much did want to have sex…with women. Even if I’d had the misfortune of making it to a Christian wedding night with a man and somehow forcing myself to let him violate me, I would have already known I didn’t want that to happen even if I didn’t know what it meant because if you’re not sexually attracted to someone…you don’t want to have sex with them. A woman being brainwashed into thinking all women experience sex with men as a violating and traumatizing experience, that it’s normal for women not to feel sexually attracted to their husbands, or that sex is something they just have to “get through” is absolutely not the same thing as having consensual sex with men and that seems very obvious to me. Coercion, even if that coercion is societal, is not consent. I do believe there are gays and lesbians who are so deeply affected by shame, fear, and denial that they force themselves to do things that are against their nature, and my heart absolutely breaks for them. I used to lay awake trying to remap my attraction to women’s bodies onto men’s, and the thought still makes me sick.

The fact that people want to bring those situations up when it is abundantly clear that is NOT what is going on is not just stupid, but blatantly dismissive and disrespectful to the very real agony that gay people go through in places and circumstances where they are not safe to be themselves.

There are bisexuals who cannot be truly sexually fulfilled in straight/gay relationships; I know people like this personally. Experiencing attraction to someone doesn’t equal wanting to be in a relationship with them. But there is a difference between having unsatisfying sex/strongly preferring a certain kind of sex and not being sexually attracted to someone at all. A significant number of men in the west who leave their wives *these days* are probably the former; in the past that would have been different when even being accused of homosexuality could mean complete social ostracism, losing your job, or being killed.

#asks #also the idea that you should have sex with people you’re not attracted to is blatant rape culture and misogyny #and it makes me absolutely sick rhst the so-called asexual community is pushing that narrative #july 2024

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occasionallyprosie · 7 months

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A Thousand Ways

Chapter 10: "Granting Mercy To Those Who Never Offered Any"

The Chain ends up in Legend's Hyrule again, and Legend does his best to not have a total breakdown while dragging the Chain to retrieve the Ether, Bombos, and Quake Medallions as well as his Pegasus Boots from the knights who arrested him.

First | <<Previous | Next>>

Not Febuwhump

Read On AO3 Warnings: Torture aftermath

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The next era was a pleasant surprise. Time's Lon Lon Ranch was there the moment they stepped through the portal.

He decided not to think about the connotations of that and just pulled his hand from Hyrule's. He stayed quiet as he stuck with them. He was looking around the ranch, noting that it was, in fact, the same layout as his grandparents' farm, if one put a few gardens and crop fields around, it was the same. But Lon Lon was a ranch, while his grandparents' place was a farm.

Legend wanted to go home. He wanted his attic bed, the starlight window; he wanted to wake up just before the warm colors of dawn and do the morning chores before his grandparents even woke up. He hadn't been home properly in... since just after Lorule and that whole chaos.

He wanted some time to breathe, relax, and come to terms with what had happened--which was apparently months ago--enough that the mere thought of confronting those shoved-back memories didn't fill him with fear and panic.

They stayed at the ranch, but Legend found himself never quite alone, much to his increasing annoyance. He'd understood it before, but Lon Lon was a confirmed safe place and it's not like they hadn't made it through multiple portals unseparated.

He understood, really, he did. But honestly it was getting infuriating with how closely they clung to him.

It was only through sheer willpower he didn't snap by the time the next portal came.

They arrived on the other side and he knew exactly where they were the moment he inhaled. The familiar magic filled his lungs and the forests around them murmured its welcome.

"Ugh, where--"

"Mine."

Heads turned toward him. Legend turned his gaze to the eastern, darkening sky, eyes narrowing.

"My era. Keep up."

"Whoa, it's almost dark," Warriors protested. "This place doesn't seem too bad to camp--"

"It's been roughly three months since we were last here, assuming time has progressed at the same rate, that is three months' worth of black market activity at best and actual usage at worst."

"What do you mean?" Wild asked, keeping pace with him.

"I have these medallions and I had them on me when I got arrested," he explained. "With enough magic, you could completely remap Hyrule via earthquakes, bomb Hyrule castle, or freeze the entire region with any one of those medallions. Very simply, I cannot waste any time with those missing. Make camp if you want, I've survived this long on my own."

Twilight picked Four up, he was struggling to try and keep up. Warriors did the same with Wind, while the rest just seemed to steel themselves and followed.

Legend appreciated that.

He tied his Pegasus bracelet around his wrist, praying to Farore to give him courage and not let him break down if he had to search anyplace remotely prison-looking.

The town was only a couple kilometers to the east. Legend all but stormed his way in, several townsfolk startled and when they saw Legend he heard some rather sharp inhales.

"Oh Lady Farore," one of them hissed. "Link's pissed. Git!" They ushered the others away fast.

In any other situation, if Legend wasn't quickly trying to weave a net of perceived safety around his fraying emotions, he would've found their reactions amusing and a bit concerning. However, he was too preoccupied this time around.

Din's Fire laced up his hand, causing a couple of his companions to yelp as he threw it at the guard station door.

It exploded open.

His power bracelets activating, Legend entered first and grabbed a guard scrambling to draw their blade by the throat and threw them at the next nearest. He pointed his sword at them.

"Very simply," he began, the smoke beginning to clear and the other heroes filing in, "give me my stuff back and I'll spare your lives."

The fear in their eyes was gratifying, but they clearly had too much of it as their words were scrambled and incoherent and eventually just became begging.

"We'll look around," Wild told him. "I think the commander's office might be your best bet for now."

Legend nodded his agreement. "Alright--Don’t bother with the cell block. It won't be worth it."

Sky followed him as he made his way to the office.

He found more knights who saw him and did one of two things: attacked him and were promptly beaten by him or Sky, or they spluttered and ran. The latter ones would get caught by Sky's whip and dragged back, but they never had information.

Legend tested the door to find that it was locked. Before he burned it, Sky stopped him and kicked it open.

Legend was a bit surprised. Sky never struck him as particularly strong, but in comparison to Twilight and Four he figured none of them were "particularly strong."

"So," Legend said as the commander whom Legend remembered vividly scrambled for his blade only to freeze when Legend's own was held to his neck, "last time I was here you took something of mine. A couple necklaces." He pressed his blade against Commander Mason's throat. "I want them back. And I'm not scared of showing you exactly how I have been able to kill Ganon four times over to do so."

The commander looked terrified. "A-Anything we took is in the prisoner's belongings down at the back of their holding cell block! B-Block C! I swear we haven't sold any of it yet!"

Legend wanted to kill him. The fear and pain that bubbled beneath his skin, the slightest tremble of his stance and arm that showed his fear, even if it was near imperceptible. This commander had been there every time, had laughed at him, had taunted him, had hurt him...

Legend forced out a shaky breath and he lowered his sword, glaring at the commander. "Do not take my mercy for weakness, Commander. I have killed far more dangerous beings than you."

He turned his back.

"Let's go, Chosen."

Sky followed him. Legend felt increasingly unsteady. Things were crawling under his skin, ice and fire fought for territory between the bugs that squirmed through his veins. Every new scar, every phantom pain, every last memory of those days were resurfacing fast and he was struggling to keep his breathing steady or even deep enough that he wouldn't pass out.

The cell block wasn't empty, Block C's door was open and Legend felt the pit in his stomach grow. He could smell something wretched even from here.

"Oh, what is that smell," Sky groaned.

He had an awful feeling. Down the hall, he could see Warriors standing in front of one of the last cells.

Oh goddesses, please no.

"Captain!" Sky called. "What're you staring at there?"

Warriors looked over, his face pale and expression stricken.

"Veteran..."

Legend swallowed back everything bubbling up as he marched past. "I told you to leave the cell blocks alone," he managed, voice strained. He reached the back cabinet.

"There's so much blood," another voice croaked. Twilight's voice.

Legend closed his eyes, squeezing them shut. He heard Sky make a strangled noise.

"Oh sweet Lady Hylia," Sky breathed. "Oh, golden three--Vet please tell me it's not--"

"Found them." He interrupted, taking the medallions from a box and his Pegasus Boots from a lower shelf. He put the latter on and shoved the former into his pouch, fully intending to walk past them and just move on.

Warriors caught his arm. "Link," he began, and Legend honest to goddesses flinched.

It was his voice, it was this place, it was the fact that Warriors was a knight and Legend knew that. It was the wretched stench of burnt and rotted flesh, vomit, and various other human excesses. It was the table with a thousand different torture devices sitting on top of it that Legend remembered intimately.

Warriors' voice faded briefly, his grip loosening and Legend jerked his arm from him.

"I said leave it, Captain," he said, ripping the emotions from his voice just to hide them, keeping his head down and his chopped hair blocking their view of his face. "It doesn't matter."

He moved fast enough that they couldn't stop him, calling out for him to wait and to just tell them what had happened.

Legend kept going.

Out in the hallway, the three other heroes following after, he saw another soldier--he knew that face, not their name but that face--who drew their weapon upon seeing him.

Legend acted on instinct, the final straw holding him together snapping.

Farore's Wind took him outside and he was running. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, all he knew was that he wasn't going back.

He was in the forest. It was dark and he was in a forest. Guards wouldn't find him, it was too late, they didn't keep moving this late at night. They made camp and as long as he avoided the light he was safe.

He stumbled, leaning against a tree and trying not to vomit, trying not to scream. He slumped down, curling into a ball in the cradling roots of the trees, and choked out a shaky sob.

Images burned through his mind like wildfire. The cat o' nine tails, the welding metal, the waterboarding, the poison, that jagged, three-sided knife, all of it.

He had been helpless, completely and utterly helpless.

A branch snapped and Legend froze up, going completely silent.

Farore's child?

A fawn stepped toward him, its mother just behind it.

You’re hurt, the mother nuzzled his head gently. Fearful. Are you being hunted, Hero?

Legend swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. "No, no--Sorry, I-I'm just--Some people hurt me and I'm not okay in my head because of it."

The fawn nudged his arm and then settled against his side. That's okay. We can help.

The mother seemed to agree. We have missed you, Hero. More will come, your presence is safe.

He nodded shakily. He was fine with that. Honestly, he was tempted to call one of his animal friends, but he didn't want to bother them this late at night.

In time, his sobs grew quiet and calm and by then, a bear had joined them, as well as several squirrels and chipmunks and a fox adolescent.

He heard the padding of more paws and when he looked up he saw a wolf.

No. No no no--

The mother bear growled, drawing to her feet. The fox yipped and snarled too, jumping up between the wolf and Legend.

Stay away! The fox snarled. The Lady's Child doesn't like hounds!

Keep your distance, canine, rumbled the bear.

The wolf made a growling noise, no actual response, and Legend bolted. The deer kept pace with him, and at the mother deer's urging he jumped onto her back.

The forest rushed beside him until the doe came to a stop and he was stumbling to lean against another tree, gasping.

Gnashing white teeth, loud snarling, howls, sniffing--

He hated dogs.

Legend shuddered, letting out shaky gasps and digging the heels of his palms into his eyes.

Link? He raised his head and he recognized the squirrel that prodded him. Connie, a sweet squirrel that had ridden on his shoulder during a whole trek from one village to another. What do you need from us?

He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm sorry to bother you all, I just--I need some time away from other people. I need to breathe for a bit."

Okay. We'll keep the people away! Connie promised him.

Legend smiled softly and he dropped his head to his knees. The deer crowded against him again, now joined by a bobcat in his lap and a bird in his hair.

He let himself relax, finally breathing steadily.

He was fine. He was fine. He had escaped a while ago, and he was fine. Yes, he had been tortured, yes he should have been killed, it wasn't the first time. He was fine.

He was fine.

Dawn came and with it, Legend saw something approaching.

The wolf was back, but it transformed and he realized it wasn't a wolf.

It was Wolfie.

Twilight, now Hylian, knelt on the edge of the small area Legend and his forest friends had occupied. He met Legend's eyes but said nothing, didn't make a move.

The animals murmured, but none moved either.

Legend nudged the bobcat that looked ready to pounce Twilight.

"It's alright," he said, his voice worn and hoarse. "He's okay... Thank you."

The animals were reluctant, but they cleared away and Twilight took that as approval to approach. He didn't come much closer though.

"Vet?" He prompted. "Can I get closer t'you?"

Legend stared at him, the words felt wrong and just unnatural, but he felt far too fragile to not appreciate them. He gave a small nod and Twilight finally moved into his space.

"Can I touch you?" The rancher asked next.

Legend immediately shook his head, probably a bit too quickly and frantically.

"That's okay," Twilight assured softly. "Are you okay?"

He was about to say yes, except his voice caught in his throat and he ended up slumping into himself, letting out a strained whine, and hiding his face against his knees.

Twilight made a shushing sound, soft and soothing. "Hey, hey that's alright. Yer safe now, alright? The forest is protectin' you."

The Lady protects what's hers, the bobcat rumbled, staying stubbornly pressed against Legend's side.

"Everyone's worried," he added. "The Cap'n nearly killed one of them guards there, but Chosen stopped him, said somethin' 'bout you choosin' to spare someone and that we wouldn't'a the right ta kill 'em if you chose ta spare their lives."

He did choose to spare them. He had sworn a long time ago that he wouldn't kill those who were misguided or forced to act the way they did, Octavo had been the origin of that decision and Hilda had been the final straw for it. He would kill those who were those who misguided others, like Agahnim and Yuga.

"They're cursed," he managed to force out. "It's a spell--They don’t--We can't reverse mind-altering spells, we can limit the effects, but... They're only not themselves when I'm around. It's fine."

"S'not fine," Twilight insisted. "Veteran, I saw that cell, I saw those tools. They tortured you, didn't they?"

His throat closed up and Legend couldn't answer. He made another strangled noise and curled in on himself.

"I knew it," Twilight muttered to himself. Then spoke a bit clearer, "Hey, vet--"

Legend threw himself forward. Twilight startled and slipped back a bit, but he caught Legend as he trembled and hid against his chest.

Twilight didn't move or react, he just froze and Legend almost jerked back as if he'd touched flame as a result except Twilight finally moved. His arms wrapped around him and he shifted his body to block and hide as much of Legend's as he could.

Safe, the wolf rumbled, his arms wrapping around Legend's form and he tried desperately not to cry. It was a vain effort frankly, his body trembling and shaking and tears just flowed freely, but Twilight was right there and against all odds he felt safe. Somehow, in the light of day and slightly more clearheaded, the wolf didn't set off the prey instincts that were an integral part of him, instead a deep-rooted familiarity was there and it had him breaking.

"I gotcha," Twilight whispered. It was only a couple of words, a platitude, an assurance, a promise, and goddesses above, Legend believed him. "Yer safe now, nothings gonna touch ya, not so long as I'm here."

He believed him. He believed the rumbling warmth that encompassed him, the tight arms that held him close, the quiet whispers that brushed his hair. He believed him.

"It's going to be alright. Link--Hey, hey kid." His hands moved to cup his face and Legend choked, a strangled, wounded noise escaping him. "You have t'breathe. It's alright, just take a big breath f'r me, okay?"

He tried. He tried to inhale but it was ripped back out of him as more tears fell. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't--

"Hey, hey it's alright, jus' keep breathin' you’re doin' jus' fine."

He couldn't though. He couldn't--Twilight pulled him back against his chest and he could feel the other's breathing. He tried to match it, but each shuddering inhale was punched out by a sob.

When he finally stopped crying, he felt exhausted. His eyes fluttered shut and he was close to falling asleep, even if the sun only just broke over the horizon.

"Hey, you gotta stay awake," Twilight said softly. "Unless you'll let me carry you."

He hummed softly. "Don't... I don't want to go. Safe here."

Twilight made some odd noise, his arms wrapping tighter around Legend. "I know," he rasped, "but we have a quest, remember? An' everyone's prob'bly worried outta their minds for you."

"You’re too clingy," Legend grumbled, tucking himself closer to the goat herd. "All'a ya. I get it an' all, but you don't have to be so clingy."

Twilight sighed and he felt it. "It's probably insufferable, but we thought you'da died, vet. Now you’re back an' I don’t think ya realize how close to death you look."

Legend snorted. He pulled away and Twilight let him go a little. The older hero still held onto him but now he was holding his face and wiping away tear streaks.

"Then we saw that..." Twilight trailed off, eyes searching Legend's face. "You’re not okay, Apple. Don’t lie to me."

Legend gave a wobbly, weak smile. "I haven't been okay since the first time we met, Forest. But it's fine," he pulled Twilight's hands down from his face, "I can handle it. I just need time to do so."

"You shouldn't have to. You’re just a kid."

"I'm as old as you were last time."

"I hadn't been doin' this my whole life. Jus'... let us help you, vet. Please."

He sighed, closing his eyes and letting Twilight just hold him up and keep him from collapsing. A shaky breath escaped him before he nodded.

"Okay, alright."

"Thank you," Twilight murmured, brushing his thumb against one of Legend's new scars. "Thank you for trusting me and for letting me."

He snorted, grinning lazily at him. "Don't thank me, you have to deal with me now."

"I'm pretty sure that's what I was aiming for," Twilight drawled, catching onto the change in tone. "Come on."

Legend yelped as Twilight scooped him up.

"Hey! Put me down!"

"Nope. We're meeting back up with the others an' you’re gonna like it," Twilight decided and it was almost threatening.

"Noooo," he groaned mostly out of dramatics, but he didn't have the energy to try and escape the rancher's hold. He could, easily, in various ways, but he didn't have the motivation to muster the energy required to do so. So instead he just nestled in his arms and turned his face into his chest.

"Callin' us clingy," Twilight teased. "You’re as bad as m'... my nephew."

Legend grumbled, not verbalizing his immediate thought of: yeah, well, same person different timelines.

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