#rewatching s2 and i can’t stop thinking about it

[lambmotifz]

losing my mind thinking about how dean can be both so gentle yet so violent with sam. he can hit him till his face is bruised and he can tenderly cradle his face as if sam is the most fragile and precious thing in the world. it makes me insane

[sylvies-kablooie]

devil bearing gifts

something so poignant about sylvie taking the time, after attacking the minutemen in france, to give the child that witnessed the attacks some candy. something poignant about the child thinking that she is the actual devil, but still taking the gift. something poignant about the fact that sylvie took candy for herself at all, a brief little pleasure amid the ends of worlds she inhabits, and she still gives it to the child who had the unfortunate experience of seeing her attack those minutemen, giving the one thing she took for herself to someone else. something poignant about her knowing violence at such an age and wanting to compensate for the horrors the child witnessed. something really poignant in there but i’m not able to fully articulate it right now. 

[fellshish]

I can’t stop thinking about this tiktok i saw of a girl who was an extra in the good omens s2 bar scene and at one point david tennant just SMASHED into a wall and she was like omg are you alright and he said yeah he could just barely see with the snake eye contact lenses and the sunglasses and now i think about it every time i rewatch the confession scene like man walked off turned back around and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkeyed michael sheen’s pursed lips

[funtheysaid]

IWTV 2x02 Initial Thoughts (Stream Of Consciousness)

- ooh the title card changed! I’ve been wanting to see the Eiffel Tower as a “fang” since season two was announced. WE IN PARIS BABY!

- ayooo three-way (interview) incoming

- Daniel’s “Paris sucks” aka “Paris is where my ex-bf is from and he sucks (dick), but not mine anymore, and no, I’m not bitter abt that, his city just fucking stinks (literally)”

- not two minutes in and Devil’s Minion is already flirting bickering

- ALICE MENTION alice!armand truthers are gon love that shit i just know

- “I’ll tell you what a woman is” That’s my sapphic-coded queen!!! 🕯️ pls S2 give me claudeleine 🕯️

- “Gauche” well, yes.

- Loumand: 🥰🥰 Daniel: 🙄 he‘s so second-hand embarrassed for them I can’t

- I mean, it’s crazy. What? We finish each other’s- I WAS WITH HIM FOR LONGER THAN LESTAT WAS WITH HIM WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN DANIEL PUT IT ON RECORD WEVE BEEN FUCKING FOR LIKE DOUBLE THE TIME …that’s what i…was….gonna say?

- Louis would be that faux-intellectual hipster who has his own darkroom full of overexposed and blurry, unfocused photos that are his “art” bc he took them on film (affectionate)

- Not claudia calling him out on it in the next scene “let me think I’m deeper than I am” okay honey you do you

- “She’s miserable but she doesn’t want to fuck with your too delusional left bank dilettante vibes” ahh the narrative foils are foiling, I see

- The show: Alice was pregnant, My dumb ass: OMEGAVERSE DEVILS MINION !?!?

- “joyfully joyless” MOOD.

- Claudia looking at Madeleine like “I don’t know if I want to be her or be with her” Dw babe it’s a rite of passage for all of us you’ll figure it out

- “Your French is ugly” 🥹👉👈 weally?

- “the dress for my body” LOOK I know what she meant, but I can’t help it that my mind is perverted

- LMFAO NOT GLORYHOLE PARK

- okay why Loumand playing with my heart “I will never harm you. And I never have” wtf wtf wtf

-Oh no the ole business card trick! we all know that’s Louis’ kryptonite he loves a man with credentials

- i like girls, but why is santiago kinda…

- Woah the Annika scene was really hard to watch which I think was the point but goddamn idk if I’ll be able to rewatch that part

- Estelle is my self-insert. I’m claiming her.

- “You both fucked Lestat!?!” HOW DID THEY KNOW WE WANTED HIM TO SAY THAT!?

- “He tasted of vermouth and annihilation” We both know you have no earthly idea what that man tastes like, Armand. Be so fucking fr right now.

- Did Armand just casually drop that he had a threesome with a father and son? I’m sorry, sir????

- “Now I know what two blood fat cocks slapping hands feel like” When I tell you my spirit left my body

- oh shit here we go. I’m a caged animal and it’s time for my weekly enrichment. give me my loustat.

- there’s a letter !?!? Wait wait I wasn’t ready for something like this wait stop stop please

- “all my love belongs to you. you are its keeper” just take me out back and shoot me at this point

- “it is a thin veil” fucking fuck why was that so romantic??

- the blood tears welling up in Lestat’s eyes I’m-

- “Rebound of my life” and in that moment, he spoke for the people

- WHAT IS HAPPENING???? Jesus Christ, they were talking about Alice and then it cuts to FUCKING ARMAND!?! This is not a drill. Everyone to your stations, this is not a drill.

- “You sold your Dad’s playboy magazines at recess” Hmmm? You’re telling me a “straight” teenage boy sold porno mags instead of keeping them for himself??? Yeah, I call gay on that one

- “she wanted to say yes” you motherfuckers.

- Oh shit Louis is pissy tonight rawr kitty got claws

- Devils minion girlies are thriving, skin glowing, hair silky, breath minty, pillow cold, stomach full, dreams sweet, and by Jove, we fucking deserve it !!!!

- daniel’s shaky “um- gulp” …….guys this is gonna sound crazy but i think there might actually be a god

- ooh the camera/photography being like a divide or barrier between Louis and his present situation. Like he wants to capture the moments, but only as if an onlooker and not a participant… interesting!

- “Who?” will never not be funny

- “Mon ami” in the same episode as “Mon Cher” FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW

- “Armand for you” nah nah nah i changed my mind, you can do like Leatherface and shove that chainsaw in rough and hard

- Close up on Louis’ conflicted face, fire blazing behind him…. That’s not foreboding in any way. I’m sure they’ll all live happily ever after from now on :D

What a ride! Until next week! 🧛‍♂️🩸

[corffee]

After my 10th rewatch of Prime S2 EP1, I noticed some more details, which also led me to some theories. I have no idea if people have already caught these but they just seemed very interesting to me. I’m happy to hear what you guys think of them and if you want, reblog with your own little details and theories you’ve found!

1. Shadow’s Shatterspace

Since we’ve already seen the main Shatterspaces fit for Sonic’s friends (except Rouge, if she even gets one), Ghost Green Hill might correlate to Shadow. It’s prism and portal gate is yellow, matching Shadow’s trail color. He even describes the world as “not fully formed” and “decaying.” But what stood out to me the most was, “not whole” and “like a ghost.” We all know Shadow hasn’t had a clear origin story. Not even a coherent character arc, fitting the “not whole” type. As for “ghost,” Shadow has “died” twice but still continues to live. In Sonic Heroes, Knuckles calls Shadow a ghost, who is mistaken for a Shadow Android. Shadow in Prime is still technically a ghost since he wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place. He didn’t shatter the Paradox Prism and create the Shatterverse like Sonic, he wasn’t touched by the Prism’s shattering and split into multiple variants like Sonic’s friends, he can’t enter portals, but only the one to Ghost Green Hill. He has no purpose. However, that changed when Sonic “saw” him. The real him.

“If you’ll stop staring straight through me…” - Mother Mother, “Ghosting”

2. Sonic’s kicks and punching sticks

Sonic’s gloves and shoes in Ghost Green Hill are his original ones, however they are embedded with a grid-like pattern, like an un-textured 3D model.

3. “Real”

Sonic defends Nine and his Shatterverse friends as real, but compares them to his original friends. Shadow says otherwise, calling the variants not real, or in other words, fake (hey look reference). Sonic contradicts what he has said about the “fakes” when he calls Shadow, “the real you.”

This can also be compared to the real and fake chaos emeralds. The real ones emitting pure, genuine chaos power. While the fakes sometimes provide positive energy, things can go south pretty easily.

4. Slick Sonic

Some of you were probably wondering how Sonic got his tech back from Shadow after he saved him. Well after Sonic hit his head on a floating crystal, we see his hands closed before he asks Shadow to give them back. So he probably took them off of Shadow when he fell out of his arms.

5. Shred of Sympathy?

When Shadow sees Sonic at his lowest, he sighs, stares, and then asks him to follow him. Resulting them to walk and talk and for Sonic to not give in to his negative thoughts.

6. Portal Hopping

Shadow states that he can’t portal hop like Sonic and other variants, but Ghost Green Hill is an exception. He was able to create a portal out of GGH using his speed, just like Sonic. But what about the tech? Yes, they were attached to him when he left GGH after the big fight, but that wasn’t his first time being there. After Sonic’s shockwave, Shadow was lead to its portal. We can tell he entered it due to him saying, “this Gateway let me in.” This (maybe) concludes that Shadow shares some similar prism powers like Sonic. Yes, other variants can portal hop, but they can’t CREATE portals on their own.

7. Shadow’s jingle

When Shadow first chases Sonic in the beginning of the episode, he gets surprised with a huge Tails crystal hologram. When he flips over, a faint little jingle plays. This also happens when Shadow is pushed by Sonic’s shockwave at the timestamp 6:20. I thought it was very cute.

8. I’ll Follow You

When crystal hologram Amy says “but there’s only one hedgehog they’ll follow into battle,” Shadow is seen following Sonic from gateway to gateway, trying to communicate with him in every Shatterspace.

[celluloidbroomcloset]

Hey there,

You’ve got a lot of insight into Ed and his whole journey from S1 to S2. Apologies if you’ve covered all this already (and I’m not the most articulate of people so also apologies for any confusion), but I’m interested in your thoughts…

I get the impression that a basic debate here is that either Ed is a psychopathic sadist (who basically ‘reigns in his sadistic tendencies’ until he loses Stede) or he’s someone struggling with his own self loathing and the toxic environment he’s had to live in (or maybe I’ve missed the mark entirely).

If it’s the latter, do you think he becomes at all vindictive in S2? Or is he more going through the motions of what he thinks is expected of ‘the pirate Blackbeard,’ because he’s somehow trying to cut off his emotions or is just tired of even trying to be anything else (ie himself) anymore? Or maybe it’s something else?

Also, to me personally it seems like Ed is stuck in… how to describe it… a depressive stasis at the beginning of S1, like at least resigned to death but doesn’t actively seek it until the end of S1/beginning of S2. I can’t decide though if in S2 Ed wants to take the crew with him (because that at least means not dying alone, like the mother and the cat in Crimes of the Heart), or if he doesn’t mind one way or the other what happens as long as he’s dead, or if the goal is to actively make the crew despise him because he thinks hatred and death are what he deserves?

Again, sorry if I’m beating a dead horse here…

Thanks!

So a lot of people have written a good bit about this. This is just what I think (and my thoughts may change—I'm planning on rewatching "Red Flags" today).

When we meet Ed, I think he is depressive and perhaps passively suicidal—he's talking about how the one thing he hasn't tried yet is death, but he doesn't seem to be really looking to die, and meeting Stede makes him re-evaluate the life he's been living and what he wants from it.

Stede and the space of the Revenge make Ed feel safe to express the parts of him that he’d concealed within Blackbeard in order to survive (the whole bringing out of his mother’s silk and Stede giving him the space to wear it openly on his heart). He tries to find this again with the crew after Stede leaves him, and it is Izzy who tells him that he is not safe unless he is Blackbeard (by directly threatening him and telling him that he would be better off dead than being the person he is).

I think a lot of what he’s doing at the end of Season 1 and into Season 2 is malicious compliance - “You wanted the caricature of Blackbeard, well HERE HE IS!” By the time we pick up with the Revenge in Season 2, he's moving from passive to active suicidality - he has been unable to correctly perform (Izzy invoking Stede and the fact that Ed's feelings are what have made the atmosphere on the ship toxic - quite literally his inability to conceal those feelings have poisoned everything around them, according to Izzy. Ed's feelings themselves are poisonous). Ed cannot reconcile his past with what he wants to be with who he is, and he has lost the safe space to be Ed.

I don’t think he wants to take the crew with him - his first move is to try to get Izzy to kill him; when that fails, he tries to get the crew to do it. If anyone actually just pulled a gun and shot him, he'd not try to stop them. He’s goading them until they’re forced into a space where they either have to die themselves or take the initiative and kill him (hence his “finally” right before his death).

Ed has been working to become all the monstrous/demoniacal stories about himself, the ones that have been told by the English and by his trio of monstrous fathers. He hates them but he also wants their approval, and he’s transforming himself into the monstrosity that others say he is. His love for Stede and the things that he was allowed to access via his relationship with Stede are the soft, genuine parts of himself that he has been told are not him but that he's also now incapable of concealing. He’s not worthy of that softness, he’s not worthy of love, and so he tries to kill it.

He’s going to die on Stede’s ship, with Stede’s cravat around his throat, murdered by Stede’s crew, as a final confirmation that all the things he wanted to be, and all the love he felt, he wasn’t really worthy of, that Stede was right to leave him because look at what he’s done, and that the people who loved him should never have loved him. He’s dying like all his monstrous fathers have died, murdered by people who once cared for him and whom he should have taken care of, but failed to because he's a monster.

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune Book 3 Afterword

Full list of translations here

Time for my unsolicited book review!

Tsurune Book 3 is one of the books of all time.

I'm not trying to be funny, that is my true opinion about this book.

I've said before that it feels like the author was forced to write this book in a hurry, and after finishing it, I can only say that those feelings have only grown stronger. I think the author was going for an abstract and spiritual feeling but it didn't really work out. It only made the story hard to follow, and the tendency for the novel to jump from topic to topic seemingly at random didn't help. It's probably super obvious in the author's head, but that doesn't matter if the reader can't follow their thinking. I really do question what the editors are doing because I'm not sure if they're giving the author proper feedback.

The novel also suffers from trying to do a lot but not doing any of it satisfactorily. It introduced a lot of new characters and plot points but never really did anything with them?? The new first-years faded out of the story after the beginning and idek what's going on with Kuon. As for the new school Haneina...the author just gave them one """quirky""" trait each and called it a day. It kinda happened with Tsujimine too but it was more subtle with them, and I think the central relationship of Nikaidou and Fuwa was compelling and well-written. Asahina and Eddie, on the other hand, are just really weird?? I honestly don't understand what their narrative role is supposed to be??

This might be a controversial opinion but I feel like the anime tells a more coherent, polished version of the story. I was rewatching it the other day and I was kind of blown away by how the visual quality improved between the seasons. S1 was definitely not bad looking but S2 is just *chef's kiss*. Idk if there's going be an S3 but it will be interesting to see how (or if) they adapt book 3

Anyways i don't want to say that book 3 is kinda pointless since it did give us some reveals (perhaps unnecessarily) but on the other hand...i feel like book 2 had a nice ending for the series as a whole as well? idk. if there is going to be a book 4, i hope it will be all about Kazemai hunting down Masa-san's bio dad

Thanks for following along with me! I know I've been really slow with this so im glad people are still interested haha

Previous |

This happened when I was reading a certain foreign novel’s translated version. As I was reading through the point of view of a character whose first-person pronoun was “私” (watashi), I came across a surprising description. To my surprise, the character I thought was a woman suddenly started to shave their beard. Later, I learned that there was an unspoken rule that men used “watashi” written in kanji, and women used “watashi” written in katakana.

Minato’s personal pronoun is “ore” in hiragana. It encompasses the meaning of “undifferentiated,” someone of unknown gender who is neither male or female, although his physical body is that of a boy. Nanao’s pronoun is “ore” written in katakana, a person of unknown nationality who can’t be classified as either Japanese or foreign, a person who wavers between the two, a hybrid existence that crosses that line. Takigawa Masaki is also someone who hovers between “human” and “not human,” so his name is written as “Masa-san” (マサさん) in the text. Shuu is also a character who is in between.

I’m attracted to such “fluctuating” and “swaying” things. Things that can’t fixed or distinguished in form or state, as changeable as “water.” Kaleidoscopic freedom and loneliness are two sides of the same coin. People who fluctuate cannot stay in one place, and instability follows. Because they can’t be classified, they do not belong anywhere, nor can they be emphasized with. I wanted to somehow hold back those who can’t stop walking. I wrote this story because I wanted them by my side.

Changing the topic, I was on my way home from a domestic trip. After spending a relaxing time listening to the chirping of birds on an isolated island, I heard a large explosion sound when I got off at a certain station in Tokyo. The warning signal of a train entering the station continued to sound, and announcements reverberated from all over. I forgot to bring my earphones, so I was unable to plug my ears and ran all the way to the edge of the platform. Glowing neon lights reflected diffusely, and the words on billboards and other signs crowded in my field of vision like a herd of horses. I almost thought that I had time travelled back to wartime. We had become so accustomed to the flood of sound, light, and text that we don’t realize we’re on the verge of drowning.

Tsurune is the story of masters and disciples and bow friends with the theme of rebirth, and it began as the story of seven archers. The theme of Volume 3 is “Meigen, that is the sound of the dawn,” and I wrote about shari kenshou (seeing true nature through the shot).

I would like to express my sincere gratitude to everyone involved in the making of this book: Koyama Kyugu-sama, who I’ve interviewed, T-sama of the KA Esuma Bunko Editorial Department, Kyoto Animation-sama who was in charge of illustrations, the proofreaders, the novel’s official website, the printing company, and the distributors. The letters I’ve received are my treasures, and I have displayed them in my tokonoma alcove. I would like to thank my beloved kyudo teachers and bow friends, my precious friends, and my supportive family.

Last but not least, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to all the readers who have read this far.

I hope for the day when the beautiful tsurune of the archers will resound.

Ayano Kotoko

Spring 2022

Previous |

[maddytheintrovert]

Ok so OFMD S2 Ep8 spoilers, you’ve been warned.

☠️

☠️

☠️

So…

What the everloving fuck was that. I just. I am devastated. Ok well I’m happy for Ed and Stede because of course I fucking am. But. What THE EVERLOVING FUCK.

Thoughts:

1- I refuse to let it sink in that a certain someone was gut stabbed and is now buried under a lovely cross (the unicorn leg, the scarf with the ring, get out stop). I will be anxiously awaiting the fanfic writers to fix this. Plz. I’m going to go on Ao3 immediately after I post this.

2- is that dream sequence of Stede’s actually foreshadowing? Because while Izzy does not die at his hand, Izzy dies due to Stede’s plan. Idk.

3- if Izzy doesn’t fucking haunt someone on the crew I’m done. He better show up like the Badmintons to call everyone cocksuckers or I sue.

4-Lucius and Pete got married and that brings me joy (in this pit of despair)

5- aw Ed. ED. I was cackling when he sucked at fishing and Pop pop was ready to fucking beat the shit out of him. Iconic. Also him just staring at the burning ships and being like “stede”. Stop. Also the I love you and the like I saw u do all that “cool” pirate stuff. And BABE. And THE LETTER.

6- Ed pt.2 IZZY AND ED. THAT SCENE STOP. While I don’t feel like Izzy should have died I think he was awesome this episode and definitely like came full character arc this season (the talk with our least favourite pirate wannabe and final words with Ed - I.e., Ed has so much family now. He can just be Ed)

7- Spanish Jackie being awesome and the bit about poison tolerance amongst the hubbies. I love her and the Swede and the Swede is finally getting some fucking respect and love and aw.

8- the seagull on Izzy’s grave. Hey buttons, love u

9- and the quad lives (shoutout to my lovely 4 Jim, Archie, Oluwande and Zheng Yi Sao). Also that moment between Zheng Yi and Auntie. Also Jim patching Auntie up.

10- ok gotta circle back to Izzy and the pirate wannabes chat and how much I love Izzy

11- how are we feeling about ep 8 Bonnet. I personally think he still needs some humbling. Idk because I’m happy about the progress he’s made re being made out to be a failure his whole life and coming to terms with that and becoming this more confident version of himself (I mean he had confidence from Day 1 but he was mighty plagued by all the Shit he went through in his youth). I enjoyed him “trying to protect” Zheng Yi when she wouldn’t run away when the navy because she was mighty fucked over losing Auntie and her crew (which my poor baby). Also I like Zheng Yi calling him out on his bullshit 24/7. But also idk I wanted him to like apologize or smtg because he was being a right dickhead the previous night. Also idk so happy Ed told Stede he loves him but like life’s a dick but so were u Stede… basically I love that Stede is unapologetically himself this season but also sometimes u do need to say ur sorry for being a dickhead.

12- the crew when Izzy died. The look on Jim’s face. Stop. I need to rewatch and look at Al their reactions but Jim’s caught my eye of the pain and sorrow because WE ALL LOVE IZZY NOW.

13- once again, Izzy better haunt someone or I sue

Ok I’m going to go try to not thing about the fact they killed Izzy now. What I don’t believe can’t hurt me or some shit.

[scoopertrouper]

Was thinking about Barb’s funeral, the Hollands greeting Nancy and assuming she’s still with Steve + her surprise when Steve shows up.

no idea what it is about your prompts (if that was, indeed, what this even was lol), but damn.

every time i think - that's it! i'm going to write Steve and Nancy together now - i get a query like this, that digs deep inside my brain and won't let go until it's out. and then i saw this screenshot (because truthfully i had to do some googling to refresh my memory, it's been a minute since i did a full s2 rewatch) and it was game over.

this is maybe a little messy and not EXACTLY what you asked for, but I do hope, even so, that it seems true - true to the characters, and true to who they are at this particular moment in time (which, yes, is a warning for some fairly mild J&N content, if you can't hang with that at all).

it's all about the liminal spaces, man.

*~*~*

Nancy’s coat is too warm.

That’s the first thought that comes to her, staring at a coffin that will, within the hour, sit buried beneath the ground. 

Barb’s face smiles distantly at her through an altogether too-cheerful wreath of roses, next to the empty coffin as hollow as the hole it’s soon to be lowered into, and all Nancy thinks is – “I should’ve worn a different coat.” 

It’s true that it’s unseasonably warm for an early December day. But even so, the smart black blazer she’s chosen should, in theory, be perfectly appropriate for the weather. 

And yet Nancy is stifling – barricaded in by a gravesite to her front, and Jonathan to her left, and Barb’s perpetually smiling, two-dimensional face to her right. Warmth is creeping up her neck, and under her armpits, and between the shallow valley of her breasts, and she longs to rip off all her layers, to take off running until the breeze cools the sweat she can’t stop from trickling down her back.

This should be comforting, right? This is what she’s longed for – a resolution for Barb, for her parents. Acknowledgment that she’s not just missing, with all the implications that can come with that. She’s dead, and someone (something) has been held responsible for it, and now they finally get to say their last goodbyes. 

But what has this whole year been for Nancy, if not one long, drawn-out goodbye? A goodbye to Barb, to her innocence, to the ability to even walk down the driveway at night without jumping at the smallest sounds. 

A goodbye to…no. Nancy shakes herself. She’s not going there. Not today, at least.

“Nancy?” Jonathan nudges her, concern plain on his face (plain to her, anyway, and she’s grateful she’s gotten to know him well enough to read that). “I know the Rotary Club’s wreath is pretty ugly, but setting it on fire with your eyes isn’t gonna make it better.” 

It’s exactly the kind of dumb-serious joke she needs to jolt her from the death stare she’s been leveling at the casket for the past five minutes, and it’s doubly effective because it’s Jonathan, whose quips usually masquerade as wry commentary on the disarray of his life. (Nancy’s new place in it notwithstanding, of course. She thinks.)

But it’s also jarring, knocking her even more off-axis because, well, telling stupid jokes to snap Nancy out of it when she’d get too far inside her own head was usually how – 

No. 

Not. Thinking. About. It.

Because Nancy’s not thinking about…it, she slips her hand into his. It’s chapped, but warm, and it fits better against hers with every passing day. Even if sometimes she’s startled to find the fingers are too long and the palm too narrow. 

She gives him her best attempt at a smile.

“Sorry. This is…a lot harder than I thought it would be,” she admits. Then, because it feels right, she squeezes his hand. “Thanks for coming with me today.”

Jonathan opens his mouth to speak, but before she can find out what he plans to say, a familiar voice cuts in.

“Nancy?” It’s Barb’s mom. “Oh, honey, I’m so glad you made it.”

Just the sight of her – red-rimmed eyes, clearly in between bouts of crying – makes Nancy’s throat ache.

“I wouldn’t miss it,” she replies, returning the surprisingly fierce hug Mrs. Holland offers. She resists the overwhelming impulse to squeeze her own eyes shut. 

Nancy had been prepared to give up far more than she’d ultimately had to to ensure this day would come – but everything she’d been ready to sacrifice would still have paled in comparison to the totality of this woman’s loss.

“It’s not the way I’d hoped our search would end,” Mrs. Holland sniffs, dabbing at her eye with a well-used tissue, “but at least this way, we get to say goodbye.”

She doesn’t look particularly grateful – in fact, she looks gutted, like she’s been turned inside out and scraped down to the last ragged, exposed nerve. 

For one wild moment, Nancy wonders if it would have been better for them to spend the rest of their lives wondering. Living with the hope that Barb was still out there somewhere, and might find her way home to them. 

Wonders if the closure she’d been trying to secure for them had actually been a selfish disservice. Not everyone, after all, is as desperate for the truth – as willing to compromise everything to get it – as Nancy. She’s realizing that, now.

But it’s too late to wonder. What’s done is done, and at least now they have something to visit when they miss her.

Mrs. Holland seems to have drawn herself back together, and Nancy’s prepared for her to move on, to steel her spine and greet the next group of sympathizers, but instead she’s casting her eyes around.

“Where’s Steve, honey? I’d love to say hi to him before the ceremony starts, he was always so sweet to come with you to see us.”

Jonathan stiffens beside her, and for a full five seconds Nancy freezes – no thoughts, no breathing, heart displaced into her throat. 

Even through the haze of her own grief, it doesn’t take Mrs. Holland long to clock Jonathan, standing closer to Nancy than most good friends would, or to recognize the tension apparent in both their postures. Nancy doesn’t let go of his hand, but it’s a very near thing.

She doesn’t know what excuse she’s going to stammer out to break the stilted silence – doesn’t even know what, exactly, she’s trying to excuse – when she’s saved by the best, worst interruption.

“Hey, Mrs. Holland. Sorry I’m a little late, I got held up at the doctor’s office.”

He appears over Mrs. Holland’s shoulder like a shadow – a shadow with at least half-a-head’s height on her. He cuts a darker figure than Nancy is used to, dressed for the occasion as he is in somber charcoals and blacks. 

(With an uncomfortable start, she realizes she recognizes the sweater he’s wearing. She’s the one who’d picked it for him, an impulse buy on a lazy Saturday afternoon at the Bloomington Gap. It looks as good on him in person now as she’d imagined it would then.)

The plain delight on Mrs. Holland’s face goes a long way toward easing the worst of the awkwardness. Steve accepts her hug and congenial pat on the cheek with a surprised smile, and it’s clear that he’s touched by how touched Barb’s mom is.

“Thank you for coming, Steve. It means the world to see people showing up for our Barb.”

“Wouldn’t miss it, Mrs. Holland,” he says, echoing Nancy’s sentiments with full sincerity. 

Nancy is overwhelmed by a shame that rakes claw marks up the inside of her throat, because hadn’t she just been prepared to explain away his absence based on the assumption that he would?

This, for whatever reason, wasn’t an eventuality she’d prepared herself for, even considering he’d diligently showed up to every dinner with (somewhat) minimal complaint, had made polite conversation through the most painful pauses, and had somehow managed to win over Barb’s parents to the extent that her mother was asking after him at their daughter’s funeral.

(If Barb could only see them now.)

Through all of this, he doesn’t look at Nancy once, and that absence lands about as gently as a haymaker to her solar plexus. 

“Well.” Mrs. Holland clears her throat, appearing seconds away from dissolving again. “Don’t be strangers. We’d love to have you both –” she catches herself, eyes darting between them, and then Jonathan, and then back, “– we’d love to have you over sometime for dinner again soon.”

With a brief parting squeeze of Nancy’s shoulder, she moves on to Karen and Ted, and Nancy lets out a tight breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. 

Finally, with no other distractions at hand, Steve acknowledges them, proffering a brief nod he doesn’t wait to see returned before he’s crossing to Jonathan’s left, settling a careful handful of paces away from them. 

It stings, and Nancy considers saying something – what does she have a right to say, really? – but there’s no time, because the service is already starting.

It’s excruciating.

It’s barely 30 minutes long, and Nancy feels every single second of them. Almost immediately, Mrs. Holland loses the composure she’d managed to cling to through talking to Nancy, Steve, and Nancy’s parents, and now she’s sobbing into her husband’s shoulder, heaving sounds that echo painfully across the cemetery.

Steve is standing several feet away, still as a stone, but she feels his presence so acutely that he might as well be as close to her as Jonathan currently is. 

She wishes he hadn’t come at all. Wishes he could make it easy for her to turn the page away from the Steve-and-Nancy chapter of her life – wishes she could write him off as an obvious mistake that dragged on way too long before crashing to its inevitable conclusion.

Instead, he keeps stubbornly defying her expectations. Letting her go with Jonathan with unbearable grace. Keeping her brother and his friends safe (even after he’d already been beaten to shit). Showing up for Barb’s funeral when he’d known she’d be here and had every reason not to come.

It’s maddening, because – look, she doesn’t regret her choice, okay? Jonathan is just – he’s a better fit. He’s been there for her, been with her, and he gets her. He gets that sometimes you can’t create understanding by explaining.

Gets that – that anger entwined with despair that she can’t control, this huge, black feeling inside that festers and grows until it demands an outlet, requires a purpose or a target so that it doesn’t turn inward and hit self-destruct. 

She doesn’t have to describe that to Jonathan – not in words – and it’s a relief, because she wouldn’t even know where to begin. 

So no, what she’s experiencing isn’t regret – at least, it doesn’t usually feel like it. But sometimes it might get close, on the odd occasion she sees him around school, tossing his perfect hair and flashing his surprisingly kind smile. All good looks and casual charm, with that little bit of Steve Harrington je ne sais quoi that Nancy has always admired and resented in equal measure (especially when it has girls twirling their hair at him in study hall, from the seat that used to be Nancy’s).

Or on the evenings when she can see his Beemer through the living room picture window, passenger side doors flinging open so that Dustin – usually only Dustin, but sometimes Dustin plus Lucas, or Max, or even Mike – can spill out into the street, chattering a mile a minute, shouting back at the driver’s side even as they make their way to the front door.

Especially during times like those, she can’t help but wonder – if he’d been like this while they were still dating, would that have changed things? Or was he always like this, and she was too wrapped up in herself and her guilt to notice?

She doesn’t like the way it makes her feel, to think about that, so she usually pushes it out of her mind. 

Nancy has spent far too long feeling far too terrible about things that are far outside of her control, and she’s just – she’s tired. Exhausted. Because she did what she set out to do: she got Barb’s parents the answers they needed to move on. 

Even if it doesn’t feel as good, as victorious, as final as she thought it would – it’s done. And now, it’s time for her to move on. From everything. Including Steve Harrington.

(Hopefully.)

She spends much of the remainder of the service in a fuzzy, numb fugue, barely aware of more than the anchor of Jonathan’s hand and the sound of Mrs. Holland crying, which has quieted to small snuffles that are somehow worse than the sobbing. 

It’s terrible – she’s been waiting for this moment, this closure, for more than a year – but now, she can’t wait for it to end. Needs it to end so that she can shove the dull hurt into the overstuffed closet in her mind, right next to her anger and whatever it is she still feels when she looks at Steve. So that she can lock it up and walk away from it for good.

She’s been waiting for this for more than a year, but the next ten minutes feel even harder to get through than that. 

But finally, the end comes. The reverend says a final prayer, the casket is lowered into the open grave, and Barb Holland is put to rest, in spirit if not in body. 

Nancy doesn’t think she’s been crying, but when she lifts her face and feels the breeze against the damp-tight skin of her cheeks, she realizes she must’ve been. She was warm before, but now she’s cold, and she wipes the tear tracks from her face with her sleeve. 

The Hollands are still standing in a tight clutch over the gravesite, showing no signs of moving anytime soon, but Nancy doesn’t know if she can stay another minute. 

(She doesn’t think she’s needed for this part, anyway.)

“Nancy?” Jonathan murmurs at her, asking without asking if she’s ready to leave, taking her small nod as tacit assent. 

As they’re turning to go, she accidentally locks eyes with Steve, who’s turning in the same direction, and she barely stops herself from flinching back.

There’s a barely-there line of bruising still visible on the right side of his forehead, and all at once, she remembers that he’d said he was late because he’d been held up at the doctor’s. 

Her first impulse is to ask – are you okay? Nothing about the way Billy Hargrove had brutalized his face was within the bounds of a normal high school fight, and it makes her sick that that shithead is still swaggering around school like he owns it, hitting up parties and leaving a trail of swooning rejects in his wake.

But are you okay? is the kind of privileged information she doesn’t have a right to anymore – and the question is too broad for her to be brave enough to want to know how he’d answer. So she bites her tongue against asking, swallows it down and instead says – 

“Thanks for coming today.” It’s barely a whisper, and he and Jonathan are both visibly surprised. “You didn’t have to.”

Steve’s mouth flattens.

“Of course I did,” he responds immediately. “Jesus, Nancy, I’m not that big of a –” He fumbles his words and looks covertly around, clearly rethinking whatever he was about to say based on the surroundings and circumstances. “I was just – I was never not gonna come, okay?”

He mumbles it, staring at the ground with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and Nancy feels that sense of shame clawing up her throat again. Sometimes, she forgets. Sometimes, she gets so caught up in the fact that Barb died because Nancy left her that she forgets – it was his pool.

She doesn’t know what to say; somehow, she doesn’t think I’m sorry is gonna cut it for this or anything else that’s happened over the last couple of months, and she’s not even completely sure what she’d be apologizing for in the first place. But she tries. 

“No, Steve, I didn’t mean it like –” He cuts in before she can even form half of a coherent sentence, rocking back on his feet.

“It’s fine, no big,” he exhales in a rush. “Anyway, I gotta go get Dustin before he blows, like, a year’s allowance trying to beat Max’s Centipede score. So. Uh, see you both around school, I guess.”

She thinks both she and Jonathan make some vague noises of agreement, but he’s already escaping down the hill to his car in fast, long steps. 

Out of the blue, she realizes that he must’ve shortened his stride for her when they were together. There’s no way she’d have been able to keep up, otherwise. 

(Funny, considering it always felt like he was the one who needed to catch up to her.)

If this had happened just two months ago, Nancy thinks, she would’ve been standing next to him during the service. Holding on to him, and matching (trying to match) his steps. Sliding into the front passenger seat of his car like she belonged there. Maybe he would’ve driven away with just one hand, keeping hers in the other – or maybe he would’ve given her a soft, lingering kiss to try to chase the day’s troubles away. 

It wouldn’t have worked, but she would’ve liked the feeling anyway. 

That was then, though. Now, she’s following Jonathan to his little clunker that starts as often as it doesn’t. And he can’t hold her hand, because he needs both to manage the wonky steering. 

But he’ll distract her by asking which tape she wants to listen to on the way back to his place, and when they get there he’ll hold her in silence until she feels like talking. And that – that works, too.

It’s not perfect. It won’t make the itching under her skin go away, and it won’t quell the constant urge she has to do and solve and act. But in its own way, it’ll feel as nice as soft kisses over the dashboard, and isn’t that enough? 

Nothing is perfect, which is a truth that sometimes it feels like Nancy is taking the most painful path possible toward learning. Life is, as it turns out, a series of compromises. Maybe the Hollands won’t ever learn how their daughter truly died, but then again, maybe the almost-truth is good enough. It serves the same purpose, regardless.

Nancy has made her choices. They’re not perfect, not even close, but they’re her own, and she’s happy with them. 

Happy enough.

[queer-whatchamacallit]

I just rewatched 1x02 of The Bear, and took notes to get deeper into these fucked up silly guy’s heads, so here we go!!

Tw: workplace abuse, intentional emeto

The staff at EMP wear white tops, black pants, and a blue apron which Carm continued after his switch to The Beef

With both the “why?” bit and “Do you like working with fucking idiots?” “I’ll do better,” the only accepted response is that a mistake was made and it was their fault

“Do you like working with fucking idiots?” “I’ll do better.” “Say ‘yes Chef’” both serve to paint Carm as a fucking idiot and to show Chef as always deserving his respect

There’s a constant flip flop between absolutely tearing Carm to shreds and making him feel like dirt beneath Chef’s shoe for the problem that occurred and making sure he’s keeping work flowing at a rate and quality that’s acceptable to Chef (which it never will be)

I’m sure you’ve seen the “Chef saying ‘you should be dead’ was off screen so you can’t tell if it was actually Chef or if that was in Carmy’s head,” and I lean more toward the latter. I know it’s plausible (which is really fucked up), but I just like the narrative possibilities for Carm starting to hear Chef’s voice. It sounds different too. It’s whispered, but Chef had to be careful about who heard that one more than everything else, so idk

His eyes are kinda hazy through the whole thing, and when it’s over, he stalls for a second before blinking hard and brushing it off. He still sounds kind of off-kilter after though.

There’s a time skip I never noticed before where one moment, he’s desperately calling hands, and the next, they’re cleaning up after service. Maybe unintentional but maybe slipping in a little of that s1 unreality and showing that Carmy misses time sometimes

Marcus just loves messing with Richie, first his cologne and second “DeVry, we’re serious about success!!” and he’s so real for that

SYDNEY: [mocking laughter] <333

Carm doesn’t actually clean the floors with a toothbrush, he had a rag which feels… weird. His floor-cleaning toothbrush is such a staple in fics

He walks to and from work

On his coffee table, he has an ash tray, a mason jar of water, and some clutter I couldn’t make out

“YOU KILLED MICHAEL” on the order tickets is an interesting one. I’d probably tie this most easily to the train of thought that he wasn’t there, but he could have helped, and if he never left, Michael would still be alive. Maybe he thinks the pressure of having to deal with him as a kid contributed or that his success as a high end chef made Mike feel like shit by comparison, but idk, there’s a lot of ways you could go here

“That’s um… a lot of words.” We have a work day here and reading about managing his business is not fast and exciting and Carmy is a little blood-sniffing shark, if he stops moving, he’ll die. Fr kinda love him for this but am pissed at him for just shoving it back to Syd

“Is my hair on fire?” I had to look up a definition, but Carmy’s starting to wonder if he’s just totally fucked and if The Beef can make it out of this. It’s interesting to see him so unsure of whether he’s going to make it. “Not yet, no, but you need help,” just feels nice. It’s both sugar-coated and completely accurate

I love Ebra for just listening to T rant about how much she hates Syd, and later, he just fuckin rocks it when Syd calls orders out. Ebra’s one of my favs <33

Syd with her journal shows the first signs of her impatience and Richie interrupting her with the inspector I think finally flipped the switch of her just absolutely despising him

Them getting a C and seeing everyone go through the 5 stages of grief is so funny omg

Syd breaking up fights and stubborn idiot-proofing by getting the right caulk was so hot girl of her

“Fak, fix that fuckin sound.” I want to know what made the difference between this and the “I don’t mind it” alarm during the s2 Cicero meeting

“He’s a baby. Don’t get Carmen into trouble, y’know? I was a baby too once, Sydney. Nobody gave a fuck.” This is pretty self explanatory, but… yeah ouch

Carm’s willing to vent to Jimmy about work with the slightest encouragement. Might point to them having a closer relationship, or maybe Carm would vent about work to whoever will listen

“I asked you where you’ve been.” So he hasn’t seen Cicero or his mom since moving back, and I feel like him and Nat had at least texted or called before 1x01 but probably not seen each other, could be wrong on that though. So he just dove headfirst into the restaurant the second he got back to Chicago, and hasn’t even talked to the family he’s been self-isolating from for the past 5 years

I love Carm’s phone password being 11111

Edit: I’m watching this ep yet again, and the flowers on the table in the scene with Pete are the same from his cooking show dream in 1x08!!! Maybe tying in that he feels like his slow breakdown is being seen by everyone he knows, not just those connected just by cooking. Or maybe it’s connecting his conversation with Sugar to how he was also struggling especially hard at the time of the dream, but then, I feel like it would be in Sugar’s kitchen when they’re talking about it. Idk but I love this detail a lot

Sugar doesn’t seem to treat Pete super great :’(. She kinda pushes him away after he hands her the phone, and he instantly assumes that she’s telling him to shut the fuck up. She is the sibling trying hardest to change and be healthier, but she did indeed inherit that Berzatto temper and fast pace to the point of rudeness

Carm’s “Did you hear I apologized? :D” is so funny to me

Carm will vent to Sugar when something happens that’s more in the mental side of things. He wants to be casual about it, doesn’t want to think too hard into how deeply fucked he is, but he needed to talk to someone about almost setting his apartment on fire

Apparently he sleep cooks “sometimes,” and that wasn’t the only time

We know that the breathing difficulties started “sometime in New York maybe?” and I feel like crying out of nowhere is a little more recent, but the nightmares could’ve started at any time, or maybe he was saying New York for all 3, who knows

“I don’t want to bother you.” When considering who to tell what, he does consider his perceived burden on the other person

“I was throwing up every day before work… kinda dug it.” This quote has naturally festered in my brain for the past couple months because it says so much about him. He experiences stress nausea and maybe it became an intentional way of gaining control and consistency in an environment that fought so hard to make him feel faceless and powerless. It shows how far he is willing to go for this. He’ll do whatever it takes, including making himself vomit from anxiety. In his mind, it helps him become a better chef. Could also illustrate his likely connection between perfection and suffering. He kinda dug it. He felt like that self-destruction was necessary for him to excel. I could go on all day

He stayed there because “People loved the food. It felt good.” Here’s his stated motivation. His actual motivation is some messed up combination of that and lot of stuff he talks about in his Al-Anon speech: the excitement of being that good at something for once, just keeping going, hoping that one day, Mikey would acknowledge how good he was at it. People loving the food was confirmation that he was really fucking good at this. More than anything though, he wanted Mike to love the food

When the health inspector reveals that a pack of cigarettes was left by the stove, it doesn’t cross his mind that it was him. He was the CDC at EMP, he wouldn’t make a mistake like that, but he did, and now, this is just reinforcing how fucked everything’s gotten, especially himself. He’s just the type of person who leaves cigarettes by stovetops now

And yeah, that’s 1x02 - Hands all good and done!! Again, I don’t know how far I’ll get with these, but they’re very fun

[shrinkthisviolet]

talk shop tuesday - outside of your active WIPs, what is/are your next big fic/fics on the horizon, even if they're just outlines for now 🎤?

Oooh 👀 interesting question! This got long, so under the cut:

So ofc the Morgan and Lucy AUs are my active WIPs but…within those, there are some fics that I haven’t written but have been at least vaguely outlined.

For the main Morgan AU, these include:

1x17 and onwards fic. I haven’t decided if this will include the finale or if that’ll be its own fic, but I’ll see how the flow goes

E2 rescue fic. I’ve gone back and forth about having Morgan help rescue Jesse, but I’m more and more in favor of it as time goes on. Her dynamic with E2 Barry is so sweet to think about 🥰 (and E1 Barry being a little jealous of Morgan calling another version of Barry “like her brother”, even tho Morgan would clearly only be saying that to mess with him 😂). Plus, her potential standoffs with Zoom compel me. I’d have to rewatch the episodes to add more detail. In any case, Morgan would definitely use the telepathy link as an excuse to come, hoping she can find some way to reopen it after Jesse accidentally (not that Morgan knows it was an accident) closed it in the last fic

Jesse POV fic. This covers the events of s2 up to [episode TBD] from Jesse’s POV. So we’ll get to see her get kidnapped, her interactions with Zoom, befriending the real Jay (which didn’t happen in canon, but the medallion says that’s dumb, so it happens here)…and the telepathy link. I originally thought of taking it up to 2x16, but…since Morgan’s likely gonna be part of the E2 rescue, I’ll have to fiddle with things 😅

2x16 fic. Eliza survives this ofc, and as I’ve mentioned prior, there’s no split personality. Taking inspo from the comics for this one, and blending it with show canon: she got powers from the accelerator and the constant defibrillation made her powers unstable. She thus created the drug Sharp to dampen her powers. She’s also a WOC like the comics, unlike the show. Beyond that, the rest is TBD 😂

Morgan & Jesse roommates fic! This is the “enemies to besties/sisters” fic. Jesse shows up at Morgan’s apartment when she runs away, and though Morgan is reluctant to help because of how she and Jesse rub each other the wrong way (they’re a bit jealous of each other, seeing the other as the best version of them, etc etc), she ofc does—she can’t let Jesse wander Starling City alone, especially without powers and with Zoom possibly able to find her if he’s hellbent enough on it. Over time, they get to know each other and become close! Exact timespan is unknown rn, but depending on which episode this needs to be wrapped up by, I might artificially extend the time to at least a few weeks

2x17 fic! I’ve thought about this quite a bit :D Barry time-traveling to 1x11, being furious at Thawne and guilty that he can’t help the others…and also also, using Morgan against him 👀 Eowells is a sucky father in so many ways, but if he knows Morgan is in grave danger, he’ll do anything to stop it (after all, she can’t be his treasure if she’s dead, can she?)

s3 arc. This is…vaguely outlined. I’ll have to sit down post-s2 and really go through it, and especially as I rewatch s3, but…I’ve thought a lot about it, especially how I’m gonna rewrite Savitar and his dynamic with Morgan. I’ve been inspired quite a bit by the comics lately, especially a certain blue speedster in them…👀

For Morgan AU spin-offs, these include:

the “daddy issues AU” is starting to be outlined! I’ve written a couple snippets to get in the zone too :D the first fic just covers Barry’s placement with Eowells and meeting Morgan…and it’s delightful to write. That’ll be the only fic from Barry’s POV, I think—the others will be Morgan’s. It’ll cover s1…possibly s2 but I doubt it

CF AU s1 has been vaguely outlined, even though that’s a ways from now 😂 it’ll ofc be Barry’s POV and cover him waking up, realizing Morgan and Iris are hiding something, and trying to uncover it while hiding his own secret. Don’t worry though, everyone is ofc looped in way sooner than canon

I am ofc currently writing the first fic of a soulmates AU, which should be done this week, and although it’s just the intro fic I’ve written (pre-s1), I’ve thought about how the s1 arc will go. Specifically…how Morgan and Barry’s interactions will go 👀 I can’t say too much because of spoilers, but needless to say, there’s a big mystery at the center of s1 regarding Morgan…and she doesn’t realize it for a while

For the Lucy AU…there’s a few:

post-ESB fic, pre-ROTJ. Covers the fallout of ESB, sorta bridges it to ROTJ. This will be when Lucy gets her Jedi training, while Luke is reeling from the Vader reveal and goes off on…whatever quest he goes on (I still need to read those supplemental comics 😅). Lucy is also, ofc, reeling from Lando’s betrayal—she can’t seem to shake it, even while Leia’s able to push through it. Leia gets Lando’s reasons on some level, even if she’s hurt…but Lucy doesn’t. Something else major also happens 👀 but…spoilers!

TFA fic! Which is jumping ahead quite a bit, but…vague outline and all that. Lucy is ofc raising Rey on Jakku, and there’s some growing pains…especially since Rey, unlike canon, wants to go out into the world, because she knows her family is out there. Lucy, however, believes everyone is dead and that they’re safest here. She’s tired of fighting, tired of losing people. They clash quite a few times about this…though ultimately, when Lucy finds out Leia is alive, ofc she and Rey both go. Also in this fic, there’s no fake Poe death, so the ST trio is established from early on!

OH ALSO:

PJO x Flash AU!! How the PJO trio gets to the Arrowverse is still up in the air, but they have their show appearances (their backstory is the books’ story, not the show, though there are a couple things from s1 I’m carrying over). And ofc the central conflict, besides the general events of the show, is that the more Team Flash finds out about these kids’ past, and especially about the Prophecy, the more reluctant they are to send them back. This causes a number of fights between Barry and Percy in particular, because Percy wants to get home to Sally and also take on the Prophecy so Nico doesn’t have to. Barry meanwhile is so angry that Percy has to make the choice between protecting his loved ones and keeping himself safe. There’s also, in s3, some fun Savitar & Percy interaction that furthers these themes…👀

That’s about it as far as vaguely-outlined fics go! Probably a bit of a longer list than you were expecting 😅 but I do like to bounce around

talk shop tuesday!

Taglist (send an ask or DM to be added or removed):

@arrthurpendragon @ocappreciationtag @raith-way @vexic929 @ironverseocs @thechaoticfanartist @goldheartedchaoticdisaster @negative-speedforce @dream-beyond-the-fantasy @starstruckpurpledragon @angst-is-love-angst-is-life

[zutaralesbian]

Tagged by the lovely @callivich to answer these Gallavich questions! Thank you, they were fun 😊

1. What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

You Can Bite Me by Shamelessquestions. I love the vampire trope so having arguably the most iconic author for the Gallavich fandom write something for it was a dream come true. And it did not disappoint.

2. What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

I can’t really think of a specific gifset but pretty much anything that involves paralleling Gallavich’s first ever scene with one of them getting married or engaged is my shit. It’s the journey.

3. What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

A headcanon that is my Truth and that I always stick to is that the first time Ian told Mickey he loved him was in 4x11 after Mickey came out.

4. What’s a fanart you love looking at?

This one ❤️

5. What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

I have a thousand different fic ideas running through my head at all times 😭 But one that’s been lingering in my head lately in particular is a canon divergence where Mickey completes his time in prison after S6 but doesn’t try to contact Ian after he’s released. Years later, they run into each other in a different city when they’re both in their early thirties and married to other people. They decide to catch up and try being friends. However, they quickly realize that the romantic feelings never fully went away and things spiral into them having an affair with each other. It’d be a super messy fic but would capitalize on the aspect of them being magnetic soulmates who ultimately can’t stay away from each other no matter the circumstances.

6. What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

Hmmm…tbh I can’t really think of anything in particular for this question

7. What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

I’ve said this before, but Gallavich is one of those ships that I feel like can fit into a large pool of AU’s. That being said, I would personally like to read more enemies to lovers and/or rivals to lovers. I kinda get why it’s a little rare since in canon, Ian/Mickey definitely are a friends with benefits to lovers type trope. But I can’t help it…I love reading fics where two characters fucking hate each other before falling in love lol

8. What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show?

S4. And it’s pretty much been that way since the first time I watched the show. Mickey is my fave so I’m definitely biased considering it was arguably his best season.

9. What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

I would have liked to have gotten to know more about Mickey and Mandy’s mother. I guess in a way it is kind of fun that the fandom can have their own headcanons about her. I kind of have a headcanon that Mickey and Mandy have a different biological mother than the rest of the Milkovich siblings because they look alike but both look different from Terry.

10. What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

This is another hard one because I personally feel that the fandom does a pretty good job of discussing and analyzing all of Ian and Mickey’s important scenes. I guess maybe the “you’re just a warm mouth to me” scene in S2. It gets overshadowed as far as angsty scenes go considering everything Ian/Mickey go through in their relationship later. But I feel like it was their first big heartbreak with each other.

11. What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

"When you meet the right person, you know it. You can't stop thinking about them. They are your best friend and your soulmate. You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with them. No one and nothing else can compare." (From How I Met Your Mother)

12. What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

I think they stay in their westside apartment for a little while but ultimately do decide to move out when their lease is up. They end up getting a decent place back in the south side, after both of them admit they miss it. Ian brings up the idea of them having kids from time to time but the idea still makes Mickey nervous. They compromise by deciding to try out being pet owners first and get a cat and a dog. (The cat being a stray they find on the streets and the dog adopted from a shelter). They run their security business for a while but eventually Mickey does encourage Ian to try something new, knowing his husband has a hero complex and might not be fully satisfied with a career that doesn’t involve him helping people. What that is, I’m not entirely sure. I’d like to see him go back into the medical field but I don’t know how feasible that is with him being a felon. But hey, it’s also the Shameless universe so anything is possible.

Tagging: @whaticameherefor @milkymickeyway @such-a-barbarian @auds-and-evens

I feel like most of my Shameless moots were tagged in the og post but if I happened to miss anyone feel free take this as a tag!

[lebylershipper]

Jancy-Byler parallel

I’m on a late rewatch for Bylerween right now, and I’ve just gotten to the scene in S2 where Jancy’s sitting on Jonathan’s car after Nancy’s fight with Steve.  Jonathan lies about Steve asking him to take her home after the party (when the truth is Steve stormed off without a word and Jon found her all by himself) and lies again by saying Steve loves her and they can work things out.  And Nancy looks even sadder when he lies about Steve being worried about her – she knows he wasn’t. Jonathan’s doing all this because he loves Nancy but thinks she doesn’t love him back and she’ll be happier with Steve.  Yet Nancy looks anything but happy or reassured, because she’s realising the reason she couldn’t tell Steve that she loves him is very simple: she doesn’t.  She’s realising she loves Jonathan instead, and he’s busy trying to convince her she can work patch things up with Steve.

Flash-forward to Mike and Will in the van scene.  Mike’s feeling dejected about the state of his relationship with El.  She called him out on never saying he loves her, and even then he couldn’t say it.  And then she was snatched away by the cops and Dr Owen’s agents and left him with a sarcastic letter.  Enter Will.  He loves Mike more than life itself but thinks he doesn’t love him back, and Will wants Mike to be happy, and he thinks Mike’s better off with “She’s my girlfriend!” El, and that’s why he tries his best to convince Mike things will work out with her, going as far as to lie and pretend his feeling’s for Mike are El’s, and say El commissioned the painting.  And does Mike seem at all happy about this?  Hell no – when he’s looking at the paining, his smile literally dies when Will says El commissioned it.  Why?  Because he’s realising he couldn’t say ‘I love you’ to El because he doesn’t love her, not romantically at least, and the one who he does love, who makes him feel so special and needed and cherished, is the boy sitting right there next to him.  And that boy’s babbling on about why he should stay with El and try and work things out with her.

There’re so similar, the two scenes.

“You don’t love me?” = “You never say it … You can’t even write it, Mike.”

‘Steve asked me to take you home, he was worried about you’ = ‘El commissioned the painting, she loves you’

She’s better off with Steve = He’s better off with El

Stop telling me to stay with Steve, I love you = Stop telling me to stay with El, I love you

And finally there’s Jonathan’s glance in the van scene.  I don’t think he’s just picking up on Will’s feelings for Mike generally.  No, he’s noticing Will’s doing the same thing he did with his Wheeler – pretending he doesn’t love them and trying to keep their hopeless relationship alive because he loves them and wants them to be happy and doesn’t get that they’ll be happier with him than the other person.

Two clueless Byers sweethearts, two madly in love Wheelers.

[theoldgvard]

after s2 rewatch im fully over coffee theory i dont mind if i turn out wrong but anyway

aziraphale originally doesn’t want to go back bc of course he doesn’t heaven is corrupt and everything he loves is on earth

but then he finds out he can make the rules and can bring crowley and that angelic part of him knows he can’t turn his back on a chance to do good on that scale. sure it’ll probably turn out that heaven’s issues are so institutionalised that it can’t be changed just by shaking up the leadership, but ever the slightly naive optimist aziraphale doesn’t believe this.

he has faith in himself, and he has faith in crowley and what they can achieve together. he has also witnessed thousands of years of crowley covertly doing good because it’s in his nature, but he isn’t supposed to actually do it. aziraphale sees an out for crowley, a way he can do the good he’s always been doing without having to pretend. he can be nice.

as aziraphale leaves the metatron he looks uncertain but by the time he’s in front of crowley he’s worked himself up and i think this is because he is sad about the bookshop and leaving earth and the way things are changing. but the thing that matters is crowley. (he was willing to give away books to make sure the ball happened and i would bet money on his dance with crowley also being a big part of his plan in that regards) he gets to keep the one thing most important to him, whilst doing the good he has always fiercely cared about doing. he’s willing to sacrifice everything in order to do good, which just goes to show his strength and belief in himself.

i don’t believe if he was influenced so strongly he would care so strongly. he wouldn’t beg crowley to come with him, wouldn’t insist this was the right thing to do, wouldn’t harden his resolve enough to bite back an ‘i l-’ to be replaced with an ‘i forgive you’. this is personal, it hurts, it is a sacrifice he makes for the sake of light. truth. goodness. he’s an angel. maybe the best angel.

it’s part religious trauma/naivety, part faith in himself (that has of course been built up in part by crowley), part want for crowley’s undeserved punishment to be undone and for him to be properly ‘free’. aziraphale wants to put into motion the ‘shades of grey’ mentality crowley has taught him. he wants to better a broken system and he isn’t willing to let it go without a fight because a) it’s been there his entire existence but also b) he isn’t the giving up kind. he helps gabriel even after everything. why would he stop there? his goodness knows no bounds.

‘come with me’ he knows he can’t turn his back on things now. he knows he’s got to do it no matter the personal cost. which is why he’s desperate for crowley to come around. because this is going to happen with or without crowley, and just like with helping gabriel, he’d always rather do it with crowley at his side.

i think it makes perfect sense for his development. not only by showing he still has trauma to work through regarding heaven, but by also showing the effect crowley has had on him working in tandem with who he’s always been. crowley has shown him how nuanced morality is, how heaven isn’t fair, and he sees this. and because he’s aziraphale, and he’s ‘far too pure of heart’, he’s going to try to implement change instead of getting out. he didn’t run from armageddon. he didn’t run from helping gabriel. it’s not like him to turn away from this ‘chance’.

i think his expression in the lift is him trying to put aside his pain and look ahead at his imagined future and the difference he can make. because without crowley he is still him. he is still an angel who wants to do good. this season kind of showed us how crowley is sort of afloat, and his only real purpose seems to be in regards to aziraphale but aziraphale threw himself straight into the gabriel mystery, has an active life amongst the street and its inhabitants. hes never seemed as untethered as crowley.

aziraphale is going to realise and work through some things about himself in season 3. crowley needs to find himself. and when they come back together it can be in a way that suits them both, where they can be themselves but also together, crowley isn’t a ‘second in command’, they are equals and they are two individuals who are also in love.

it all, painfully, makes some sort of sense.

[dangermousie]

Farscape rewatch: 2x03

Taking the Stone is considered a lesser ep but I really really like it. (The only eps in S2 I find dull are Dream a Little Dream and The Locket. Yeah, I know The Locket is ultra-shippy and I am a shipper, but there it is...) This ep tho - I am very fond of.

What do I love about TtS? For one thing, it has an amazing set design. I love the image of the grave planet, stark blue and blacks and inks. I love Chiana's back-story, her love and loss for her brother (because Chiana is, like Crichton, all about family, because like Crichton, she's lost her own, is lost in the world, and is trying to make a new one).

I love seeing Crichton on edge. He's slowly been slipping further and further and I love that he is beginning to notice.

The chip/PTSD mix is in a way a scifi take on the mental illness experience (and part of it is real world and not a metaphor because while brain chips are not real, Crichton also clearly has severe trauma after torture even without that, and that is very much real) because you may know something is wrong but you do doubt yourself - because the brain is in charge of deciding what is correct and not and so when it’s off track then what. And the feeling of knowing you are acting “wrong” but not being able to stop it is quite a literal take on the feeling. I also love that Aeryn and the others don't notice, won't notice until it's too late, even when he'll tell Aeryn he hears Scorpius in his head in Look at the Princess. I think it's because as fellow-Earthlings, we forget how off-kilter Crichton must come across to the Moyans anyway, with his weird speech patterns and references that make no sense. So they can't tell he is being odder than usual because he is always odd (remember S1 and Aeryn and Zhaan's 'he is Crichton' conclusion at Chrichton's freak out in the Matala ep). It's only when he starts acting bizarre, physical actions, like not fighting Scorpius, trying to kill Aeryn, that they really notice. (Of course, they are also not familiar with PTSD in general, but here it's something more severe of course). 

But to get back to TtS. Crichton can't let go, can he? Not of the 'family' he's finally got. He will go off-kilter, doing crazy things for those he loves, and it's not the result of Crichton losing his mind, it's just him. Eating potentially deadly mushroom to get answers is Crichton just dialed up to 11. In a way, his experiences are distilling him to the essentials. He is so adrift, so terrified of losing the few people he cares about, he goes irrational (any time Aeryn is the calm and reasonable one you know something is off.)

Death is very real to him now and so he obsesses over it coming to those he cares for as much as Chiana does in this ep, tho from a different angle.

His frustration of having to let Chiana go is palpable and what comes the most to me from this ep is the bond between Chiana and John. When he cheers for her when she jumps 'you did it' or when they walk off and they both mimic that arms pose the planet people do?

I think it's significant that this ep centers around the 'death' of Nerri because in a way, Crichton might be replacing his missing sisters (though I don't think he was ever as close to them as he will get to Chiana. They were never in extreme situations like this), but Chiana is replacing her brother with him.

Oh, and yet another gloriously consistent thing - no easy outs. Crichton and co solve the mystery that what makes the clans die early is radiation and solution is easy - just live on the surface. Any other show once our protags would tell the people, they would all be saved. Not here. Crichton tells them, they take a vote and decide to stay and keep dying. They believe him but it changes nothing for them.

[averywiseanimatedcat]

Rewatching Good Omens season 2 liveblog

Episode 3, ‘I know where I’m going’ Post 2

Previous post link (Post 1)

Crowleys lines in this flash back are top tier:

“You say potato, I say EXCELLENT.”

“BOudey snatchin”

David again killing it with the line delivery. I’m so glad he had an opportunity to really put his foot down with the Scottish accident in this.

*Aziraphale agrees that Elspeth is going to hell*

“Well it was lovely to meet you.”

Aziraphale you foul beast what was this. I don’t know how Crowley didn’t just award you top demon for this remark that was COLD.

Pffff Crowley walking along with the body cart in his hat just having a good ol time. Unbothered not-lad.

*cue moral discussion around good, evil and poverty. Again we see how Aziraphale is really unable to see things as morally grey. He thinks things are either good or bad and that’s it. He’s really out here calling Crowley evil when he’s busy skipping off excitedly home to write in his little diary every time he gets to see him???Aziraphale??? Look at yourself honey??? You’re simping again???

And his comment about poor people having more opportunities (to be good I imagine he meant) he probably was also referring to Crowley. As in Crowley is at the bottom so the only way he can go is up or he has more freedom to choose. Which is, objectively wrong, and morally very simplistic (and also wrong). I want Crowley to stand infront of Aziraphale and just say ‘you’re wrong’ in season 3 because I feel like no one has just said that to his face and he needs it.

Well we have to talk about the Bentley…he was having such a good time on his little road trip.

“Change it back!” 👹

“But it’s pretty!” 🤭

I needed Aziraphale being ridiculously sweet and funny in the present day to offset my annoyance with him in the flashback.

And here we have the second item on my list of ‘things I don’t care about’, directly under Gabriel:

Jacket AND glasses off in the bookshop, we really are in the end times because we get to see the swagger even more without the jacket. And his arm band thing. He looks so at home.

Also my child was a PHYSICIST he was part of the group that INVENTED GRAVITY. He clearly had his memory wiped after he fell and he doesn’t remember about why they made gravity I can’t stop thinking about how much he must have known about science and the universe before he fell. He probably wrote allot of that book we see in the first scene of S2 when he’s making the nebula.

The more I think about Crowley the more I understand him. He went from being a literal creator of the universe to a forgotten demon stripped of all of his accomplishments. He probably doesn’t even remember most of them. And he probably lost all of his knowledge about the universe and how it all works. He truely had his whole self ripped from him. And it makes sense why he doesn’t seem to have a hobby now, his thing was creation. And that’s not something he can just do or find a substitute for like Aziraphale can do his book collecting. And that’s why he’s so lost for a purpose. And why he’s so determined to stop the end of the world, it’s his creation, his life.

And I’m sad now so here’s the book throw aka. Comedy gold.

PLotTinG ‘vavoom’ he really just wanted someone to listen to his plan and if it had to be Gabriel/Jim then that’s who I had to be. He was just happy to have a job to do…that wasn’t throwing books around

When Aziraphale turned that body into soup and Crowley was like *DISAPPOINTED HUSBAND FACE*.

Crowley is truely, incredibly patient with Aziraphale. Crowley went out of his way to help Elspeth. And he acts like it’s because it’s wicked and honestly that’s probably half of the fun for him, but he could also see the genuine suffering and he wanted to help her. Funnily enough, if Aziraphale haddnt of put his nose in it Crowley could’ve helped Elspeth with 0 consequences because it looked evil. And I wonder how much he does ‘good’ things in a way that Hell won’t notice because it looks evil from the outside. I mean he’s been a demon for thousands of years? How’s he filling the time? Doing things like this? Aziraphale has caught him doing this twice now, doing ‘good’ things right under Hells nose.

Next post link (Post 3)