#rn it’s just…um okay

[causenessus]

feeling like tumblr is a job BUT IN A GOOD WAY like i sign on after my actual job onto my work (tumblr haikyuu smau writer hobby) computer (my home computer on it's last dying breath) to answer emails (reblog all of my moot's wonderful works) and write up reports (my own chapters LMAO)

[bambishifts]

wish i could say the 3d is testing me.

im afraid i am testing myself and once again unnecessarily looking at the 3d.

[roomba-mangga]

taking a little break from writing for a few days to cool down the brain but first... yaad&thistle au fic preview under the cut. this is clocking in at 12k atm, i haven't finished drafting all the scenes yet, but i am deeply enjoying this one.

[maryland-officially]

pronouns?

they/them.... he/they

he/him

he/her

no

her

no

he/they

they/he

them/he

whatever

not female

[lucabyte]

Do you have any happy and not at all upset or stressed loop art let them be free of the torment nexus for two seconds pls also who is funding all of loop's divorces they only have a silver coin so it's not them

hrmmm. (takes stock of my wips) (squints). so i haaave... fiiive wiiips..... and i think ooooone of them counts. maybe. as them just chillin. oopsie. sorry im putting them in the pear wiggler

go look at these old ones to tide you over (x) (x) (x) <3 and also look at domesticated loop again i love domesticated loop (LINK)

[sekaicards]

i love the tournaments you’ve been running and you’re crazy dedicated to keep doing such massive brackets. i dont mind waiting for polls to be posted cause i understand that it takes a ton of time and you have a life of your own, but do you think you could post more about when to expect/not expect rounds to go up? i would really appreciate even just hearing something like “no polls today!” when you can’t do them

[mins-fins]

I WAS CHECKING MY NOTIFS AND SAW RHIS 😭😭😭 THANK YOU

[dandyshucks]

actually that whole post can be summed up as "the mental illness is acting up really badly due to terrifying external factors I have no control over and I'm desperately trying to stay stable enough to not make an absolute fool of myself around others but it is a very difficult struggle, so thank you all for your patience and tolerance, I appreciate it a lot and hope that things will soon settle enough that i can find some semblance of solid ground soon so that I can catch my breath and figure out how to cope properly"

[transgender-catboy]

... I'm not actually gonna put anything in this caption

[squishosaur]

character to draw from memory? how about jodio joestar from jojo part 9

admittedly i am not an active jojo fan but i do think i remember seeing him when part 9 first came out at least once. so this is probably very incorrect

[bylertruther]

moodboard for when you lose the idgaf war. or something. again

[lesbianlanarcher]

just think about it, okay ––– 

sterling wakes up from his coma, three years of his life gone, he'll never get that back, so he tries not to dwell on it. nor does he wish to dissect his dreams because thinking back to those lives he made up is dangerously close to introspection which he is adamantly against. so, he shifts focus, tries to acclimate himself to whatever his life is now. being alone sucks, sleeping with random women sucks less but that doesn't last, drinking makes him feel worse but he's not ever giving that up for anything. doing everything he used to before is pointless and, plainly, nauseating. he needs people, he’s realised... he needs to feel grounded, needs to hear laughter, needs to be in the centre of a crowded room, needs to feel real again or just feel something again. but he doesn't have many people he can call on to help him out. a stripper isn't gonna solve his problems, bartenders have heard it all before, no one wants to level with him; new york does not care. who's left? his friends, distant colleagues, these people he was forced into a working relationship with all those years ago, the people who have known him the longest, whatever he fuck they are too – they aren't there either.

who does sterling have to help him out when he needs it most? who does his mind go to purely out of instinct? who does he crave when he knows he shouldn’t? who can make him feel both shittier and lift his spirits at the same time? who is unlike anyone else? who will he always want?

~

“Lana.”

He shouldn’t be doing this.

“I bet you’re busy with that... that... creature.”

But he wants to.

“That bald fuck.”

And he always gets his way.

“Stupid prick.”

He takes a swig of... something. Some random bottle that was hidden right at the back of the drybar because he’s already drowned himself in everything else. 

“Or you’re still ignoring my calls.”

It’s been hard adjusting to a life without Woodhouse. Well, it’s been hard adjusting in general. But Woodhouse not being there anymore is the perfectly slick cherry atop the shitheap that is his turd cake of a life. So, it feels apt. 

“Which is a shitty thing to do. You know, I just got out of a three-year coma? A coma? You know what one of those are?”

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knows he deserves everything he gets. He’s stacked up a lot of bad karma, it was bound to catch up to him at some point. He just didn’t expect it to feel so... crushing. And he definitely didn’t think his punishment would be this lonesome either.

“Yeah, you know. You just don’t care.”

He thought everyone would be falling through his apartment door to spend time with him, ask him how it felt to be in a coma, show some form of interest in his return. 

“And, I mean, why should you?”

It never came. 

“It’s not like, hah, it’s not like we have a child together or anything.”

And from her? Nothing. Not a word. He spewed his guts, heart, lungs, intestines, everything... confessed to her at that gala and... nothing.

“Oh, wait, my mistake. We don’t.”

He tried - fuck - he tried to tell her everything he could. Everything he should have told her the very second he knew she was the only thing in his life that held any sort of value. Everything he was capable of saying without choking on the words, without gagging and wanting to throw up, he said it. 

“Because she doesn’t even know me. AJ doesn’t know her father.”

But it wasn’t enough.

“Because you replaced me.”

It might not ever be enough.

“Everyone replaced me. Me.”

His words won’t ever be good enough for her. 

“Like I never fucking existed in the first place.”

Words are all he has now, as empty as they may seem. Saying it wasn’t easy. Confronting that part of himself, the part that craves and needs and wants her is akin to torture. And Sterling knows torture well. What he doesn’t know is how he can prove that any more; how he can prove himself to her. He’s wronged her in the past, sure, but that doesn’t take away from the fact he loves her. Can’t she see that? That he fucking adores her. That he would do anything for her, that he would die in less than a heartbeat for her, he would give everything up for her to kiss him again.

“Maybe that’s what you all wanted, though? Maybe me being in a coma was the best thing that ever happened to everyone? Maybe...”

And she’s never said it back to him, not once. Perhaps in her actions, like he’s told her again and again just what she means to him, but she has never told him directly. Never said the words. No one has. Not in a manner that means anything substantial, anyway. 

“Maybe you should have just pulled the plug.”

Perhaps no one is capable of showing him that affection he so sorely needs. Katya could have... He thought she might have been the only one to rival Lana, the only other woman who could keep him distracted and occupied, but even that was tainted and turned against him. Like most things. Ruined.

“What was the point of keeping me alive?”

So, he figures he’s not meant for it. To be loved. Not meant to be shown that side of life that comes so, so fucking easy for everyone else.

“If I was gonna come back to this? What was the point, Lana?”

He has wealth in an over-abundance, any woman - or man - he wants he could probably get, and endless supply of liquor. He has it all. Doesn’t he?

“You don’t have to give me any real answers,” He laughs, abruptly and slightly manically, “You probably won’t even listen to this,” then, takes another swig of whatever bottle is dangling limply from his hand, “Good, don’t. Save us both the embarrassment. Right? Just ignore it. Like everything else. Ignore me.”

He doesn’t bother to disconnect the voice message, just tightens his hand around the phone until he can feel the muscles in his arm scream out in pain. Fucking nerve damage. Incensed even more, he hurls the device across the room where it smashes against the wall and falls to the floor, partially shattered. 

Another apt metaphor, he thinks, the bottle back to his lips, feverishly sucking from it like he’ll get what he needs when he reaches the bottom and drains it. 

The truth is, he never will.

But that doesn’t stop him from trying.

[villainsidestep]

.

[wizardnuke]

hhbh

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

Okay so i applied for a zine a lil while back, its why i made a quick little portfolio, and tbh i wasnt expecting them to accept me but for some reason getting the email and finding out they said no has left me honestly more upset than i anticipated lmao

[dandyshucks]

my brother got turned down by a girl he ... has been referring to as his gf the past two weeks (? idk what went on there lol) and after my brother left the house my mum was kind of chatting w me about how hard it must be for young ppl these days to meet ppl and find ppl to date, and I was just kind of sitting there idly nodding along and wondering if she's ever thought about the fact that I've never been in a relationship before but all my siblings have 😭😭 two of them are in relationships rn and have been for over a year, and then this other sibling got dumped(?), and I'm over here like... 🧍 happily holding hands with fictional character....