#s'mores are not up to code

[songweaver]

[hellishjoel]

off to the races

6.3k / dbf!joel x f!reader

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

pt. 1 pt. 2 pt. 3 pt. 4

series summary: You and your parents rent a lakeside cabin, Joel and Sarah Miller are your neighbors. You’re all grown up, and you’ll do anything to prove to Joel you’re a woman now. 

warnings/information: MA 18+ (minors DNI), NO OUTBREAK, neighbor!joel, age gap (reader is in their early 20’s while Joel is in his 40’s), alcohol consumption, slight daddy issues lol, cursing, use of pet names, dominant!joel, maybe a lil brat tamer!joel, oral sex (m receiving), a lil praise kink, a lil degradation kink, facial, etc. you know ;)

A/N: needed to get cool slutty daddy out of my system. He’s just a Lana coded man!! I plan on turning this into a series, I hope it get's some love! let me know what you think by sending me an ask!

Your desperate eyes met his, trying to gauge what he thought. You hated how you looked like you wanted him so bad. He was your neighbor, your friend’s dad, but you wanted him to be something for you too.  “I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doin-”  His words made your chest go tight and your eyes filled with pure horror. What have you done?! “But you need to be the one to walk away, because I don’t think I can.”

Summers in Danbury were what you looked forward to all year long when you were younger. You would love the long drive to the lakeside cabin, swimming in the dazzling blue water all day, and catching fireflies at night before ending it with roasting s'mores over the campfire. 

Now, all Danbury reminded you of were your parents stripping your feeling of independence as soon as you stepped in their embrace and the lack of cell service. 

It wasn’t all that bad, though. Who were you to complain about an all-expense paid vacation on the water? Your parents were fine, you just graduated from university, everything was just.. good. It almost made you a little bored, thinking about the impending summer. 

The warm sun’s kiss on your skin was a welcomed greeting after spending the past 9 months away at school out of state, your eyes twinkling below your sunglasses as you stepped out of the car. It was good to be back in Texas.

“Look, there she is!” Your dad cooed as he was eager to point out the sign that sat beside the entrance of the cabin that read ‘Life is Better at the Cabin’. Cheesy. It wasn’t your choice of decor since it was just a rental property, but still. You also despised the ‘The Secret Ingredient is Always Love’ sign in the kitchen. 

You plopped your bags down at the end of your bed, the one just down the hall from your parents, quick to plug in your phone charger though it made little difference with your lack of a strong signal. 

You turned your head to the window, seeing an old, beaten pickup truck turn onto gravel, a small smile peaking on your lips. 

“Hey, look who it is!” Your dad cheered eagerly from the living room, appearing to also be gazing out the window at the sight coming down the road and pulling into the house next to yours. 

The truck in question belonged to Joel Miller and his daughter, Sarah. Sarah had been your close friend each and every summer since you were little. You two were attached at the hip once your family started vacationing here, despite her being a fair five years younger. You two got along nonetheless. 

You stepped outside to greet them, as your mother and father were already out doing, your face lighting up as Sarah made a b-line to your embrace. “Oh my god! Look at you!” She praised, her eyes lighting up at your appearance. 

You two didn’t get the chance to spend the past few summers together due to business with school or internships on your part, so her surprise in seeing you a few years grown up was warranted. 

“Look at me? Look at you!” You said through punched lungs as she hugged you so tight you were losing your breath. 

If you thought Sarah’s tight hug was bad, you weren’t prepared to see what was waiting on the other side of the pickup truck. 

Your lips parted at the sight of Joel Miller. He was sort of… handsome. Was that wrong to think that? I mean, he was so much older than you, someone’s dad, Sarah’s dad. You tried not to let your eyes linger for too long but his voice pitched into the conversation and you had been caught. 

“Hey, Skids.” Ugh. That dreaded nickname you had yet to wear off. “Haven’t seen you these past few summers. Happy to be done with school?” Joel’s southern drawl was a shock to your system after being up in the Midwest for school. 

He was tall and rugged, so unkempt. His hair was tousled everywhere and his beard was growing with salt and pepper stippling through the landscape of his jawline. He looked hot, the faint glisten and stain of sweat marking the collar of his shirt and at the sides of his biceps. 

You blinked a few times before a graceful smile fluttered on your lips.

“Hi, Mr. Miller.” You gently cooed. What? If he could call you by that horrid nickname he had given you when you were barely ten, you could call him by his surname. Your eyes caught his own shift, his jaw twitching at his name being called like that. It was just his name after all, right? 

“Joel.” He corrected with a raised eyebrow, your eyes finally dragging themselves away from his handsome character as they turned to your parents, who were obsessing over Sarah. She was about to go into her senior year of high school, so of course, they had all of the basic questions to ask her. Are you taking any advanced classes? Are you still on the swim team? Do you know where you want to go to college?

You tried to look interested, but you could still feel Joel’s gravitating stare in your direction. 

You were just imagining things, right? He was looking one foot over, to Sarah and your family. Except he wasn’t. You know because you snuck a casual glance over to him, and he was still on you. His gaze alone made a shiver travel up your spine. 

While Sarah and your parents were nestled in their own world of conversation, you take a few subtle steps away and join him by his truck. It still felt warm, the engine relaxing after a good drive in the Texas heat. 

“You need a new truck. She looks like she’s on her deathbed.” You point out, the one corner of his mouth tugging up as he kept his eye on Sarah and your folks with his arms crossed in front of his broad chest. 

“She’s just fine.” He retorts nonchalantly. You hated that about him. You could never figure out what he was thinking, unpredictable but not exactly chaotic. 

“She?” You asked with raised eyebrows. “I always knew you had a special woman in your life. Didn’t know she was so old, though.” You egged him on, your favorite pastime in the summers; Grinding the gears of an old man who had a bigger attitude than you most days. 

“You still have quite the mouth on you. Glad to see that hasn’t changed.” Joel said sarcastically as he pushed himself off the front of the truck with his hip, his head nodding off to the side in a silent way of telling you to follow him. You watched as he pulled down the tailgate, rust screeching until it stopped with a generous thump. 

“Supposed to be Sarah helping me with this, but since she’s busy being Miss Danbury, you can help me.” He said as he pointed to some firewood and other bigger pieces of wood in varying sizes. 

“What do you plan on doing with all this wood anyway? I think the Amazon is looking for it.” You huffed but climbed up into the back of the truck bed without him asking you to. His protective hand instinctively guided your hip for stability, and you felt a rush of air pump through your lungs. “Thanks.” You murmur before you start reaching for stacks you could handle. 

“Sarah wanted to throw y'all a bonfire with it being your first day back for the summer or what have you.” Before you could stop yourself, you were already cooing at him as you jumped down from the tailgate, watching as Joel gave a tight face of annoyance. Don’t do that, you’re gonna get yourself hurt. 

It took Joel all of two seconds to grab two of the larger cut pieces, throwing each of them onto his shoulders. You couldn’t help but stare at his biceps that cradled the wood, the tan skin and muscles popping out of the dark green t-shirt he wore. Focus, focus, focus, focus, focusfocusfocus. 

“And the bigger pieces? What are those for?” You asked out of sheer curiosity now once he threw them down in the back of his lawn, the sight of your parents and Sarah long gone. 

He shrugged and shook his head, his hands on his hips as a layer of sweat started to build up around his hairline. “Just carvin’ projects. The rest can be used for scrap lumber around the lake properties.” His head finally turned to look at you, his eyes raking you up and down for a moment before nodding to your lake house rental. “Doin’ property maintenance over the summer on the houses ‘round here.”

“So if we need maintenance, we call you now?” You asked with a dubious face, to which he nodded. 

This man never stopped. It made sense, you supposed. You reflected on the summers in the past, knowing Joel to manage his own contracting business and picking up odd jobs around town. You remember one summer, he redid the flooring of an old bakery in town and then built custom shelves for the loaves of bread and bagels. Another summer, he repaved people’s driveways with blacktop. He was a laborer, a blue-collar man through and through. 

“That’s right, Skids.” The nickname made you scowl at him again, but you wouldn’t mind seeing Joel Miller laid under your kitchen sink or repairing the window in your bedroom so it could finally let in some fresh air. Frankly, you just wouldn’t mind seeing Joel Miller. 

After Joel reclaimed his daughter from your parents with a snarky yet subtle, Thanks for all your help, kiddo to Sarah, he said goodbye to you and your family as everyone parted ways back to their own homes. 

-

You were tired from the drive, but you didn’t lack attendance to the bonfire Sarah was putting together specifically for you in a welcome back to Danbury! sort of celebration. She invited the other nearby neighbors, so by the time you finally joined, it was packed with people sitting around the fire. People who lived on the lake loved a good party, anything with beer to keep them occupied. 

It was a lot of talking and bottles clinking, marshmallows on sticks, and a crackling fire blazing at the center of everyone. You weren’t one for beer but Sarah insisted on feeding you bottle after bottle. 

She liked sharing secrets with you, away from her dad. She considered you someone she could tell anything to. And you felt the same way. So not more than half an hour later, you two were giggling and sitting on the tailgate of Joel’s old pickup truck when you saw him start to saunter over.  You saw him coming first, snatching Sarah’s bottle out of her hand and taking a sharp inhale as you hid away your own. Sarah’s secret, right? 

“Dad,” she playfully whined when he came over to bust their little party. 

He was silent for a moment before he looked at the dwindling flames. “Fire’s gettin’ low.” He pointed out, looking between the two of you.

His face was lit up in a mix of gold hue from the fire and silver from the moon. His face had this intensity, a bucked-out jawline, cheekbone, and nose. It was like he was carved from stone. 

Sarah was silent, not wanting to leave behind her friends at the bonfire to shuffle over more wood. You softly nodded as you took a swig of her beer bottle in your hand before setting it down once you hopped off the truck bed. 

“I can help.” You offered. Joel looked down at you hesitantly, sneaking a glance to where your parents sat around the growing circle of people.

“Yeah.. yeah, ‘lright.” Joel said as the two of you walked off to the dividing line on his property, the wood you had dropped carelessly earlier in the day now in a neat stack. You certainly weren’t drunk, but slamming Sarah’s beer along with the other ones she ushered you before was now messing with your head, the edges of your vision a little fuzzy, especially in the dark since the glow of the bonfire was at such a distance. 

Before you knew it, you were stacking the wood into your arms, too much maybe. Joel called out your name in a warning tone. 

“No, I got it! See?” You tried to reason with a cocky smile as he shook his head. 

“You don’t like to listen.” He gruffly said as he started picking up the smaller pieces as they fell out of your arms. 

You couldn’t help the playful scoff that left your lips, still insistent on stacking more in your arms, going as far as tucking some in your elbows but all they did was drop at your feet once you went to reach for more. 

“Stop bein’ so damn difficult.” He piped up again as he snagged your wrist, halting your movements. 

“Yeah? I thought you liked difficult women.” Your words were fast like a whip, your eyes challenging his own as the two of you shared unnecessarily long eye contact. 

“Drop-- the wood. Stop bein’ a-” 

“A what?” You challenged. The distance between you two suddenly felt like it was becoming air-tight, his eyes narrowing on yours as his features hardened. He didn’t look mad, lord knows you’d never want to actually make Joel Miller mad. He just looked-- provoked. 

“A brat.” He finally bit, your teeth clenching at the name. The shock of it all made your arms finally burst open like a dam breaching with water, all of them falling to your feet as you let out an involuntary squeal. God, you did not want him to hear that noise leave you like that. 

You finally tugged away your wrist from his hand, your eyes leaving his daggered gaze to examine your palm that had a decent size splinter plunged into the center of it. 

“Shit,” You swore, feeling whatever heat you had left in your body pooling to your stringing finger. 

You heard Joel let out a debated sigh before he took you by your wrist, much more gentle this time, and tried to bring it up closer to his eyes to examine it. 

“Can’t see for shit out here.” He grumbled. You couldn’t see it either but you could feel right where it spread searing pain through the rest of your hand. 

“I got some tweezers in my workshop, I’ll get it out.” Joel offered as he started walking a few paces but you let out an involuntary whimper at the sound of him taking it out. 

“You don’t want that to get infected, do you?” He asked with a true voice of reason, to which you let out a sigh of agreement and followed him to his workshop.

You had only been inside Joel’s workshop a handful of times. You remember once your dad dragged you over so he could talk to Joel about his truck, and you had to wait there and wait there until they finished gabbing. Another time was when you explored it on your own, your eyes fascinated by the little world he surrounded himself in. It wasn’t all wood like you’d expect it to be. He had old guns mounted on the wall, ladders hung up in the rafters, and dusty old fishing plaques that made you disgusted at the sight. It housed his tools, the same ones he had been using for years. He knew where they were by heart, not even looking when he reached for something. Everything had its place, down to the tweezers he immediately found in an old little toolbox. 

“Here,” he said as he pointed to an old metal stool as tall as your waist. You sat down on the cold metal, a little hiss of discomfort leaving you as he sighed. “Always somethin’.” Joel shook his head and offered you a spare dusty blanket, shaking your head. 

“Just-- fix my hand. Please.” You said as you displayed your palm to him, now seeing it in the light for the first time. Okay.. it didn’t actually look as bad as it felt. Joel actually smiled as he looked at the tiny sliver shoved into the skin. 

“..Might have to amputate it.” He said with a half-serious tone, as joking as Joel could sound. But there was a little glint in his eye, one of satisfaction from his own joke.  

“Joel Miller has a sense of humor? I’m surprised. And pleasantly delighted.” You teased as he huffed and shook his head, the smile that graced his lips already came and gone. Sort of. He just looked down at your hand so you couldn’t directly see it anymore. 

It took you until now to see that he changed out of his dark green shirt from this afternoon and into an old 80’s rock band shirt with a worn dark navy flannel over it. He must have showered after laboring in the Texas heat. The thought made your stomach churn in excitement. 

You shivered at how cold you felt all of a sudden, no longer by the warm fire and on this damn metal stool. You shifted uncomfortably on it, cursing yourself for wearing jean shorts. 

Joel let out an exasperated sigh as he stood up straighter and shoved off his flannel, your eyes softening at the sight. 

“You want me to take tweezers to your hand but you keep... shiftin’ around. Stand up.” He directed, and this time you didn’t debate with him. You hopped off the metal stool and he laid down the flannel. It was a nice gesture and you were grateful. You hoped the goosebumps were from the temperature, not how close he was. 

Joel pulled up another metal stool so he could steady himself, reeling himself in as close as he could and holding your palm open in his as his eyes squinted a little bit. 

You felt frozen in place, your lips parting as you slowly looked down to one of his knees that parted between your own legs. Fuck. You weren’t sure if it was the little buzz of beer still in your system but something drove you to have enough courage to gently lay your hand just above his kneecap. 

His eyes flicked up to yours, trying to read what was behind your thought process right now. He looked so confident, you feared you looked all shifty. 

You could feel the worn denim of his jeans under your palm but underneath, he was warm. He was as hot as a furnace as your body craved it. 

“The sliver.” You pointed back out, your voice smaller since you two were in such close proximity. You watched his chest heave as he took a deep breath, grumbling something under his breath before he focused back to his initial task. 

You pursed your lips as you both watched and felt the tweezers line up to the red and irritated skin, his movements precise and patient until you watched him clench the tool closed. 

You let out an involuntary breath of both relief and anticipation, just wanting it out already. 

“Hold on, just gotta make sure I..” Joel’s voice trailed off as he slowly pulled the tiny sliver from your palm, an uncomfortable whine leaving the back of your throat. 

His thigh twitched under your palm at the sound, not even realizing your hand had sunk higher up his jean-clad thigh. 

“Got it.” He finally said, swiping the tip of the tweezer on the table to display the nasty little piece of wood that had caused you all this grief. You let out a breath through your nostrils and nodded. 

“Thank God, no amputation.” You joked, to which he awarded you a small smile. 

“I’ll call the surgeon and tell ‘em to turn around. We’re good here.” Joel said as he gently released your wrist. You watched his features carefully, seeing his lips part as he glanced down to his leg that your hand still held for balance. 

“What’er you doin’?” He finally asked, his voice dropping an octave at the question. Shit. 

Don’t read this wrong, or this will be the most awkward interaction you and Joel have had to date. This is worse than when he saw you fall out of the inner tube while boating, worse than when some kid tripped you at the town barbeque, worse than when you fell off Sarah’s scooter so hard that he gave you the nickname Skids. 

“Woah, Skids! Better slow down!” God, that was so many years ago. His chuckle still echoed in your ears.

Now you were older, you were a woman. You had long legs and glowing skin, and a smile that knocked guy’s out of the fuckin’ park! But he was older too, older than you, younger than your dad but god, not by much. You were so close to him, you could inhale the distant smell of the bonfire, the one he probably made instead of Sarah. He also smelled like an old spice deodorant and fucking cigarettes. 

He was stingy, and greasy, and hot, and Joel. 

Your years of anticipation thinking about him like this was over. 

You bit down on your lower lip, your mind was foggy with the rushing in your heart,  feeling your ears pound and your palm still seared. He was a head taller than you while you sat together, and before you could stop yourself, you were leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his pulse. 

Your lips lingered around his neck for a moment, the sensitive skin of your mouth feeling beard stubble and tasting distant cologne. Your breath fanned over the skin, clammy but sweet with his sweat. 

He didn’t stop you, his eyes merely watching you carefully. 

“What’er you doin’?” He asked again, but this time, his words sounded more-- goading. Do it, I know you won’t. You’re chicken shit. If you know what you want, do it. 

Your heart raced as you nearly leaped off the stool, closing the distance between you two as you stood between his legs. Your hand moved higher on his thigh, so close that you were nearly touching the leather of his belt. Your mouth returned to the sweet spot of his pulse while your injured hand reached up to the opposite side of his neck to gently hold him there. 

“Joel,” you whispered his name breathlessly, asking him for more, feeling his head drop down beside yours. You feared you embarrassed yourself, he wasn’t reciprocating, he wasn’t--

The thoughts brewing in your head bubbled down to a boil as his firm arm wrapped itself low around your waist, keeping you to his front as he pulled down to look at you with a stern look on his face.. You were so fucked. 

Your desperate eyes met his, trying to gauge what he thought. You hated how you looked like you wanted him so bad. He was your neighbor, your friend’s dad, but you wanted him to be something for you too. 

“I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doin-” 

His words made your chest go tight and your eyes filled with pure horror. What have you done?!

“But you need to be the one to walk away, because I don’t think I can.”

His words surprised you. He didn’t think he could walk away from you right now? Holy shit. 

Your heart was pumping so hard under his watchful gaze, seeing his eyes look from yours to your parted lips. But he didn’t kiss you, you don’t think you would let him. It felt too intimate. You just didn’t want another boring summer in Danbury and you were determined to have a fling. 

Who knew it would be with Joel Miller. But you wanted him. 

Your brave hands took him by the chest of his shirt, your mouth moving to his jawline as you balanced the tightrope of kissing and nibbling on the skin before your hands moved south to find his belt buckle. 

His legs naturally parted for you, catching a brief smirk on his lips as you took control of the situation. 

“Dirty girl goin’ right for my fuckin’ cock.” He whispered against the shell of your ear, a desperate nod leaving you while your cheek involuntarily rubbed against the stubble of his beard. You didn’t know he talked like that.

You initiated more space for yourself, nudging the inside of his thighs with your own legs as you had his back up against his drafting table with you no longer on his side but standing in front of him. 

Your quick fingers desperately undid his belt, feeling the old leather under your fingers. You didn’t have the balls to look at him and frankly, you were afraid you would lose your nerve if you did. 

His hands were encouraging for your nervous system, firm palms planted into your hips and even going as far as to squeeze the flesh that sat under your jean shorts. His body warmed you up, his eyes admiring you as you plucked open the button on his jeans. 

You pushed your tongue against your cheek in concentration, all of a sudden desperate at the thought of having him in your mouth. You dragged down the zipper, the relaxed denim exposing the black briefs he wore underneath that hugged his tan hips. 

You slowly sunk to your knees before him, as if you were worshiping a God. Maybe you were, it was Joel Miller, after all.

“This what you were learnin’ off at school?” Joel belittled, your head doing a few quick nods as a flush stained your cheeks. God. Something about Joel calling you a slut had you in a tailspin. You couldn���t wait anymore. 

Your fingers delicately felt over the impressive growth that his briefs held down, biting down on your bottom lip as you let your pointer finger make the outline of his girth. 

He let out an audible grunt at the action, his jaw jutted out, and his eyes filled with lust. “Lemme see that pretty mouth.” He practically purred, your chest rising and falling in anticipation as you slowly opened your mouth for him. You felt the intrusion of his thumb, a guttural moan leaving your throat as your big eyes stayed on his. He pinched at the inside of your cheek for a moment, your eyes twinging closed and opening back up with twinkling tears on the brim of flowing. 

“Good girl, keep that mouth open for me.” He encouraged as he pushed two fingers past your lips, testing you. And you were more than willing to accept his little challenge. His fingers pushed on the back of your tongue, feeling your lips graze all the way to his knuckle as you worked on breathing through the feeling of his fingers shoved down your throat. 

You were determined for him not to get the best of you, to prove how you had some experience under your belt. Your tongue willingly swirled around his digits, humming softly as you suckled. Now it was his turn to look like he was ready to fold. You felt him swell in your hand, the hand still stroking over his erection in his briefs. 

He ripped back his fingers, leaving them with a pop to your lips. Holy shit. You took a few deep breaths and swallowed, blinking back the tears that his fingers provoked from going so far down. 

“Damn, baby, look so pretty down on your knees for me. Don’t make me wait ‘ny longer.” Joel’s breaths were heavy, his southern drawl exaggerated in his lust-filled state. 

A proud smirk laced on your lips, his eyes on you as he watched you pry down the material of his briefs, watching as he lightly lifted his hips off the stool and using the drafting table behind him as leverage to let his jeans and boxers rest comfortably around the top of his thighs. What you had been craving slapped eagerly into the palm of your uninjured hand, an unexpected little moan leaving you. 

You studied his cock with anticipation, the glowing pinkish-red tip glistening with pre-cum from all the anticipation. He was generous in size, he would be the biggest you had ever taken. He was just… grown. You let out a satisfied little mmm, smirking up at him as your fist wrapped delicately around the base as you pumped over just the bottom half of him. 

Your hand came up to push some hair behind your ear but Joel was quick to handle that for you, stroking the stray pieces back behind your ear and then planting his palm right on the top side of your head. He tried to guide you closer but you just continued to smirk at him, a desperate grunt leaving the back of his throat. 

“Don’t play with me, kitten.” The nickname had you fawning, much better than the other nickname he had given you in the past. Maybe this new one would replace the old, the girl he dismissed before now a woman whose attention he craved. 

You guided his tip to gently tap at your flattened tongue, using his base to guide him until you generously wrapped your mouth around his leaking head. He let out a satisfied hiss which made you smirk, knowing you were the one making him dance on the line between pain and pleasure. 

You let out an involuntary mewl as the fist he had made in the back of your hair forced you further down his rigid member, feeling wet tears threatening to spill over your waterline as his tip nudged against the back of your throat. He said not to play with him and you disobeyed. 

Your palms flattened to the front of his thighs as you pushed yourself off of him, gasping for air as you swallowed the mixture of your spit and his leakage that clogged your throat. 

“So fuckin’ pretty chokin’ on me like that, such a pretty face.” He sneered, referring to your teary eyes. But the compliment made you blush and the choking and sobbing was all of a sudden worth it for the praise. 

After that, you craved to take all of him just like he wanted. Your head worked in subtle bobs, taking inch by inch of him at a time. Sometimes his hand in your hair guided you, allowing you to take him with confidence as he let out disgusting groans and low moans. 

Your gluck, gluck, glucks filled the shed, hot pants leaving your mouth around him but not willing to let your head up. Trails of your saliva attached themselves from his balls to your lips, the sight being a trophy for your hard earned deep throating. He was already so close, you couldn’t bear not to taste the prize you had worked so hard for. 

All of a sudden, Joel stood up from his seat at the drafting table and you couldn’t help but show a look of disappointment. You thought he was done, going to leave you like a mess on the floor with bruises on your knees from the cold concrete and your slobbery mouth feeling his loss. 

Your wet eyelashes fluttered as he returned to fist the hair at the top of your head and angled your face upward, watching as his other hand yanked on his member. The sight made your jaw drop. 

“Where do you want me to finish?” His words were pained, stretched thin as he tried to hold out for an answer from you. But you wanted him to finish, you wanted to watch his face contort from the wake of his orgasm that you helped create. 

“Mmm,” you hummed out as you purposefully prolonged his finish, watching as his chest puffed and his skin grew rosy from the heat flooding his body. Your cockiness was punished by a tighter grip in your hair, yanking your head closer to his shaft to force a real answer out of you. Your scalp stung but only a smile was on your face. 

“You wanna cum on my face, Mr. Miller?” You asked in the most innocent tone you could muster, your mouth parting at the sight of him. He looked heavenly. The glow from his shed lights made him appear as if he had an angelic glow. But you knew he was hellish, nothing close to an angel. 

Joel let out a scoffy little grunt at your question, a wicked smile gracing his lips as his hooded eyes slowly fell completely closed as the shock of his orgasm coursed through his body. 

You eagerly watched and you hated how hungry you knew you looked right now. You licked your lips, eager for his taste, eager to make the Joel Miller cum. You were desperate. 

His cock began twitching in his hand, watching as he methodically yanked out his own orgasm. His eyes lazily glanced between his shaft and to your large eyes, slowly smirking at the sight of you holding out for him. 

“Let me see that tongue, darlin’.” His words were breathy, just on the edge of no return. You obeyed, dropping your jaw and flashing him your tongue as you fluttered your eyelashes. At the sight alone, he finished himself off with eager grunts and short moans, you swore one of them was your name. 

His hot cum landed on your face, your eyes closing in satisfaction with a cocky smile. Most landed on your tongue, a few piping hot white strands splattered like paint on your cheeks and nose. All the air in your lungs left you as he tapped his pulsing tip eagerly against your tongue, watching with his jaw slack as he let the rest pool onto your tongue and down your throat. 

You swallowed knowing he was watching, his hand in your hair relaxing. He tasted better than you expected, a new craving. 

Instead of fisting your strands, he started stroking them away from your messy face, praising you as he tucked himself back into his pants.

Both no longer in the hot fantasy you swore you imagined once, you tried to collect yourselves. You shakily stood up from the ground, your knees cold from the concrete. You wipe off any dust or dirt they may have collected, sneaking glances at Joel as he fastened his belt around his waist once more and popping the button of his jeans back into place. 

You glanced around for a tissue, your back to him as you cleaned up your face. Oh my god, you were wiping Joel Miller’s cum off your fucking face.  As the two of you pieced yourselves back together, he reached for his discarded flannel that he had given you still resting on the metal chair you previously abandoned before settling between his legs. 

“Said you were cold. Take it.” He said as he fisted some of the material and looked at you expectantly. You sighed before gently taking the material and wrapping yourself in its warmth. 

As he placed a bandaid on your palm to cover your futile wound, you admired the flannel in all of its unknown beauty. 

It was one of his older ones, you sort of felt bad because you could only assume it was one of his favorites. It adorned a few minor holes and rips, some of which were badly stitched back together in an attempt to salvage it for another few years. Despite its appearance, you melted into it because it smelled like him. It smelled smoky like his cigarettes or maybe that was just the residual smoke from the bonfire. As you walked outside, you could smell it clearer.

Sandalwood with a hint of cinnamon, you wondered what cologne he used. 

Your head was lost in thought as you began to wander back towards the bonfire, a sharp clearing of his throat bringing you back to your senses. You whipped around, seeing as he pointed to the stray wood you had dropped from earlier.

“Oh-” you said bashfully as you returned to the pile with him, both of you knelt down picking up stray pieces. Once you started piling the wood in your arms again, he let out a short chuckle from deep inside him as he held your wrist from stacking more. 

“That’s enough for now, just go.” You liked seeing his face lit up like that, knowing you were the cause of it being even better. 

“Okay, Mr. Miller.” You cooed quietly, his face hardening at the name of adoration you had given him. 

“Okay, Skids. I’ll be seein’ you.” He said with a tight nod of his head, his eyes directing you back to the fire. You set down the firewood by the rocks surrounding it as a barrier, clearing your throat as you returned to the tailgate. You could still taste his cum on your tongue. 

No one seemed to notice your trip taking unexpectedly longer than necessary. Your parents were both swaying their heads and laughing, empty bottles by the legs of their folding lawn chairs to explain their obvious lack of awareness. 

Sarah had joined up with other friends in your absence, but you didn’t mind. 

You finally had a moment to reflect on what had just taken place in Joel’s shed. You let your vacation house neighbor cum in your mouth. Your older, stoic, stubborn ass of a neighbor. 

As if on cue, Joel returned to the side of his truck with his body leaning against the tailgate. His jean-clad hip lightly grazed your thigh, glancing over to see him offering you a beer. 

“Since you’re all grown up now.” He said with a little spark behind his eyes. You nodded and took the opened beer with a growing smile. 

“Cheers.” He offered as he held out his bottle to clink with yours. 

“Cheers to another summer in Danbury.” You tell him. 

He cocked his eyebrow and glanced over to you one more time before he focused his eyes on the growing fire. 

“This one ain’t quite like the rest.” It almost sounded like a promise from him. You hoped it was. Because you were wearing his flannel and you were on his knees for him tonight, you wondered what experience of Joel could offer you this summer. 

---

read part 2 - dark paradise!

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[lancermylove]

Pickup Lines (HC)

Fandom: Obey Me

Pairing: DB, Royals, Simeon, Solomon, Thirteen with gn!Reader

Warning: Corny? Lol. Minors don't look under the cut.

Prompt: Which pickup lines would he use for you?

———————————————

Lucifer

"Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?"

“If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print."

"Are you a dictionary? Because you add meaning to my life."

Mammon

"Hey, are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest, and I can't help but want to invest in you."

"If beauty were money, you'd be the richest person alive."

"If looks could buy, you'd bankrupt me in an instant."

Levi

"Are you a rare drop? Because ever since I met you, I feel like I've found the ultimate loot."

"Are you a cheat code? Because meeting you feels like I've unlocked a special power-up."

"If love were a game, you'd be my final boss."

Satan

"If you were a cat, you'd be a purr-fect 10."

"Do you believe in love at first chapter? Because ever since I met you, I can't stop thinking about the next page of our story."

"If you were a cat, you'd definitely have nine lives because one lifetime wouldn't be enough to spend with someone as special as you."

Asmo

"Are you made of diamonds? Because you shine brighter than any gem."

"Are you a mirror? Because when I look at you, I see the reflection of my dreams."

"If beauty were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence."

Beelzebub

"If you were a fruit, you'd be a fineapple."

"If you were a cookie, you'd be a fortune cookie, because meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Are you a campfire? Because you're hot, and I want s'more."

Belphegor

"Are you a dream? Because every time I'm with you, I never want to wake up."

"Are you a cozy blanket? Because being with you feels like a warm hug."

"If sleep were a journey, you'd be the sweetest dream I've ever had."

Diavolo

"Are you a rose? Because just like its petals, your beauty is timeless and enchanting."

"If you were a kingdom, I'd gladly pledge my allegiance to you."

"Are you a royal decree? Because you've commanded my attention since the moment I laid eyes on you."

Simeon

"If you were a star in the sky, you'd be the most radiant one, outshining all the others."

"Do you have a map? Because I seem to have lost my way, and you're the only one guiding me towards the light."

"Are you a sunrise? Because every time I see you, you bring a new dawn to my day."

Barbatos

“I couldn't help noticing how captivating your smile is. It brightens up the entire room."

"Are you a puzzle? Because I'm intrigued by the challenge of figuring you out."

"If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber."

Solomon

"Do you believe in magic? Because ever since you walked into my life, it feels like you've cast a spell on me."

"Are you eternity? Because with you, every moment feels like it lasts forever."

"Are you a scientist? Because you've just discovered the formula to my heart."

Thirteen

"Are you a lost soul? Because you've wandered into the realm of my heart."

"If you were a dessert, you'd be the cherry on top of my day."

"Are you a cupcake? Because you're cute, sweet, and I can't get enough of you."

N.SFW/heavily suggestive under cut!

Lucifer

"Are you a teapot? Because I'd love to steep with you and pour out all my secrets."

Mammon

"Are you a stock market? Because every time I think of you, my investments just keep rising."

Levi

"Are you a controller? Because I'd love to be in your hands."

Satan

"Are you a book? Because I can't seem to put you down, and I keep wanting to explore every page of you."

Asmo

"Are you a work of art? Because I can't help but admire every curve and contour of your beauty, and I'd love to explore you like a masterpiece."

Beelzebub

"Are you a marshmallow? Because I want to roast you over my fire."

Belphegor

"Are you a bed? Because I'd love to climb on top of you."

Diavolo

Dinner first, or can we go straight for dessert?

Simeon

Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?

Barbatos

"Are you a baker? Because you've got some buns that I'd love to knead."

Solomon

I’m not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?

Thirteen

"Are you a rainstorm? Because you make me wet.”

———————————————

➣ Obey Me Masterlist: [1][2][3] ➣ Main Masterlist

➣ Buy me a Ko-fi? ➣ Commission: Open ➣ HC/Scenario Requests: Closed || Quick Ask Requests: Closed || GIF Requests: Closed

[ronearoundblindly]

ooo how would ce characters react if you started decorating for autumn in august? 🤭

Ya know, right off the bat, I can't think of anyone who's downright against it, but some of them would help and some would just leave you to it. One--take a wild guess--would throw an incredible bitch-fit if he tripped over one gd thing in his way, but otherwise...

Um, there's some language but nothing adult-specific.

Most Into Autumn Decor--Curtis Everett

Okay, there's a reason I worded it that way, but I was a bit surprised, too. I would not be able to tell you if this somehow wasn't influenced by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork's "Life Is Short So Make It Sweet" series, but I truly believe Curtis would be equally into decorating for fall/autumn with you. He'd be the most active in finding decor, too, whether he's shopping with you there or just finding stuff randomly. He'd take the time to plan out and execute a whole thing in the house, and he would get the most joy out of sitting in the warm glow.

Honorable Mentions to James Mace, Johnny Storm, and Ransom Drysdale.

Mace will get into it but not as much as Curtis and for a shorter period of time. You best believe Johnny digs the campfire-and-s'mores vibes but is wary of shit hanging from the ceiling or dry stuff piled on the floor. Ransom is obviously into dressing for the season but also likes to find the most expensive version of all decor, so those beautiful, blown-glass pumpkins are a staple. Ran is perfectly fine if you want to repaint the damn walls every couple months to match the mood; he's fine with it, but he doesn't expend much effort.

Most Indifferent--Jimmy Dobyne

He doesn't hate the season by any means. He's fine with the colors. He likes when you're happy, so if the house needs to be packed with pumpkins and fairylights and shit, okay. Don't expect him to really participate in it, and don't bring rotting leaves into the house. Real pumpkins are for eating or outside.

The other reason he doesn't really care is that Jimmy spends most days outdoors for work and whatnot. He sorta just...sees autumn the whole time it's autumn, and that is enough for him.

*Most Into Halloween Decor--Jake Jensen

If you were wondering why I didn't mention Jake earlier it's because he is miles above Curtis's enthusiasm for one specific thing: spooky shit.

Jake isn't afraid to go all-out. He will make the entire house, the yard, the gd neighborhood if they let him, into a haunted experience. This is, unfortunately, to the point where you have slipped on fake blood before and bruised your tailbone. Jake is now limited to the week of Halloween itself for the more dangerous accoutrements like liquids and sharp blades. Knives and weapons stay in shadowboxes or cabinets otherwise.

No, he will not be taking questions about why they aren't the fake, safe kinds. Just let him have this.

**I don't have a name for the superlative that Lloyd Hansen wins but he is the most obsessed with curating *his look* seasonally.

Yes, I even mean more so than our sweater boi Ransom...

Lloyd is also the man who flips the fuck out if a room or the yard is littered with stuff to decorate. If it's a mess (even for a little while) he thinks it all looks trashy and can't stand that, so you gotta be kinda stealth or methodical about doing it.

Most Into DIY Decor--Ari Levinson

Project? Did someone say project???? Ari's there, tools ready, let's go.

Ari's the man who has a shed or garage full of stuff for all occasions. Sure, there are a lot of power tools and mechanic things, but he's also kept track of all the art supplies, cleaned up that hot-glue gun and twist-tied the cord nicely, and sorted everything into bins or some of the drawers in his shelves. Nails and screws for all sorts. Wall anchors if necessary. He keeps a stash of those papertowel rolls for kids projects. Tissue paper and bags for gift wrapping. He doesn't go so far as to color-code it or anything, but it's grouped together and neatly stowed away. He is always willing to participate in building something new, even if it's silly little paper things.

Most Into Autumn Activities--Steve Rogers

I don't think Steve has any issue with early sprucing for the season, but he is definitely planning where the apple-picking and pumpkin patches are and when to go. There may be fourteen different hay rides and corn mazes to get through, but don't worry, he's got a schedule! He's rewashed the thermoses for hot cocoa at the ready. He bought another stack of pie tins just in case. He printed off several new recipes to try this year, and the ones from last year have hand-written notes in the margins of what to adjust this time. So, yup, hang onto your butts because it's gonna get real busy in a few weeks...

Thank you for asking!

Damnit, these are so amazingly fun. Keep 'em coming!!

[Main Masterlist; Who Would...Asks; Ko-Fi]

[hhughes]

https://www.tumblr.com/hhughes/755036725477359616/httpswwwtumblrcomhhughes755036373372829696w

was it azalea's first time celebrating the 4th of july since she's canadian? imagine quinn being so excited to show her their family's traditions and such

and vi wears a bikini with the american flag and luke can't keep his hands off her and even gets playfully scolded by ellen lol

jim at the barbecue and quinn is helping him while azzie teases him about being a good cook

jack pushing vi into the lake when she's trying to tan and then being so worried about anyone other than him or daisy holding rosie in the water (she loves it)

them making s'mores sitting around the fireplace later and rosie drops hers on cole's foot by accident

and little rosie is soooo tired at the time of the fireworks so she's crying a bit in jacks arms cause she gets scared but she had the best day ever with all the uncles and aunts - 👩‍⚕️

gonna answer all of these individually because they’re all such good thoughts bestie and I simply can’t neglect any of them. . .

was it azalea's first time celebrating the 4th of july since she's canadian? imagine quinn being so excited to show her their family's traditions and such

it was azzie’s first time celebrating july fourth. her family was a little sad that she was gonna miss canada day (while she had time to fly between van and michigan , she just wasn’t up for the travels honestly) but she was really excited to spend the time with quinn’s family. there was even some extended family like little cousins and such which azzie loved because she probably won’t see those members of his family much during the year. it was really just nice getting to know his brothers, his parents and ofc vi and daisy. quinn was so excited to have her there and he was just so sweet. including her in all the family games, explaining the rules to make sure she didn’t feel excluded, he even made ellen make one of her mom’s desserts to make her feel a bit more at ease. azzie fit right in though, everyone adored her.

and vi wears a bikini with the american flag and luke can't keep his hands off her and even gets playfully scolded by ellen lol

vi wearing a bikini with the american flag print is just so violet coded to me for some reason? and luke would love it. luke and vi not being able to keep their hands to themselves is just so canon in this au at this point😭 they are always attached at the hip, connected in some way, pressing kisses at random places. they are just so touchy. at one point ellen is just like “will you please refrain from mauling your girlfriend in front of an audience,” and he’d just press one last kiss to violet’s lips before sending his mom a sheepish/apologetic smile. but everyone is used to them by now.

jim at the barbecue and quinn is helping him while azzie teases him about being a good cook

azzie, daisy and ellen sitting in lawn chairs close to the barbecue each with a glass of wine in their hands while they keep quinn and jim company. luke, violet, jack and rosie are playing some type of game on the grass. I do think cooking is something that azzie and quinn love to do together and for each other as a sign of their love.

jack pushing vi into the lake when she's trying to tan and then being so worried about anyone other than him or daisy holding rosie in the water (she loves it)

violet laying on the dock and jack just flipping her towel so she drops in the water. she’s perfectly fine, except for the little splinter in her palm when she clinged to the dock with one hand, cursing him out and promising to get him back but luke saw it happen and he wasn’t very happy. “you shouldn’t do that when she’s that close to the dock. she could’ve hit her head,” luke argues and despite violet reassuring him that she’s fine and her head was far from hitting the dock luke is insisting that jack take her safety more seriously. if luke was gonna take extra precautions to make sure he kept daisy and especially rosie safe whenever they were in his presence, jack could return the same favour.

them making s'mores sitting around the fireplace later and rosie drops hers on cole's foot by accident

this is so funny😭 he is trying so hard not to curse in her presence but fuck did it burn. “you are so lucky that you’re cute and I love you,” cole says, hissing as he lifts his foot to inspect the marshmallow that fell onto his foot. she gives uncle cole lots of snuggles afterwards and he completely forgets about it.

and little rosie is soooo tired at the time of the fireworks so she's crying a bit in jacks arms cause she gets scared but she had the best day ever with all the uncles and aunts

daisy and jack got her ear plugs just in case she still happened to be awake at the time of the fireworks but someone started firing theirs early and it scared poor rosie so bad, she definitely started crying and hiding in jack’s chest. but he gets the ear plugs and she lays on her dad’s chest while watching the variety of colours fill the sky, and her little snores fill the air shortly after.

[rennatelier]

So thrilled to finally share my latest collab sticker sheet with Stickii Club! 🍁

I made my Cute Ornaments sticker sheet for their Cute Pack back in November 2022, so I was super excited when they reached out months ago for another opportunity to create something adorable together! 🥰

This time I drew Hao & Friends going on a fall camping trip for their August Cute Pack theme, “Woodsy Adventures,” where you can see them enjoying a variety of fun outdoorsy activities~ While Hao loves to go fishing during the day, Worry Rabbit prefers reading stories by the cozy campfire, and naturally, being the food lover that she is, Little Mei's favorite thing to do is make s'mores!

You can use my code “rennnatelier” for an exclusive 30% off your first subscription with Stickii Club. Sign ups for this month's pack end on August 7th @ 9PM PST!

(I'll also be adding this glitter sticker sheet to my online shop and bringing them with me to in-person events starting in September if you'd like to support me more directly!)

[elrielscourt]

new sjm acotar mate quiz answers

so guess who found the answer mapping code! here are all the answers and who they equate to, in its original coding. basically just take note of which letters are attached to which character! ps if you share anyway pls credit as @ azrielscourt on twitter lol thank u <3

const resultsMapping = {

    A: {

        name: 'Rhysand',

        quote: '“To the stars who listen— and the dreams that are answered.”'

    },

    B: {

        name: 'Feyre',

        quote: '“No one was my master— but I might be master of everything, if I wished. If I dared.”'

    },

    C: {

        name: 'Cassian',

        quote: '“Come on, Feyre. We don’t bite. Unless you ask us to.”'

    },

    D: {

        name: 'Azriel',

        quote: '“Be careful how you speak about my High Lady.”'

    },

    E: {

        name: 'Mor',

        quote: '“With enough courage, you can say to hell with a reputation. You do what you love, what you need.”'

    },

    F: {

        name: 'Amren',

        quote: '“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through the fourth and fifth ribs.”'

    },

    G: {

        name: 'Lucien',

        quote: '“If I offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss, too?”'

    },

    H: {

        name: 'Nesta',

        quote: '“She felt it all—too keenly, too sharply. Hated and cared and loved and dreaded, more than other people, she sometimes thought.”'

    },

    I: {

        name: 'Elain',

        quote: '“And it was Elain—Elain—who sighed and murmured, “I hope they all burn in hell.”'

    },

    J: {

        name: 'Tamlin',

        quote: '“Don\'t feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy.”'

    },

question: "When do you usually wake up in the morning?",

    answers: [{

        text: "I never slept",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "10am, I like a lie in",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "5am sharp for my morning run!",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "I'd prefer not to say",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "That would depend on how late I was out dancing...",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "Sleep is for the weak",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "My alarm is set for 7am most days",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "Whenever, wherever, with whoever",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "I like to rise with the sun",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "As the birds begin to sing",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "Choose a snack:",

    answers: [{

        text: "A good, vintage red wine",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Chocolate",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "Fresh fruit",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "Salted cashews",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Macarons",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "The blood of my enemies",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "S'mores",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "A dry martini",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "A slice of cake",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "Carrot sticks",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "Choose a magical power:",

    answers: [{

        text: "Flying",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Mind infiltration (like the Daemati)",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "Immense strength",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "Invisibility",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Teleportation (a.k.a winnowing)",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "The ability to sense riches and power in others",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "Emotional manipulation",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "Time travel",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "Seer (the ability to predict the future)",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "The power to manipulate nature",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "How are you spending your weekend?",

    answers: [{

        text: "Community outreach",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Visiting an art gallery",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "Hitting the gym for some weight lifting",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "Travelling for work",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Attending multiple parties",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "Lounging in silk pajamas",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "A long walk in the forest",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "Hanging with my best friends",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "Gardening",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "Scheming against my enemies",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "What's your greatest weakness?",

    answers: [{

        text: "I find it hard to ask for help",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Admitting my weaknesses",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "Pride",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "I'm haunted by my past",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "I don't take things seriously enough",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "I don’t have any weaknesses",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "I'm not very confident",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "I don't think before I speak",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "I don't like sharing my feelings",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "I'm very stubborn",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "I like to read...",

    answers: [{

        text: "To my children",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Beneath the stars",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "Something spicy",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "Other people's diaries",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Expensive menus",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "High-end auction catalogues",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "Surrounded by nature",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "Military history",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "Epic adventure tales",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "My tax returns",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "Your ideal party would involve...",

    answers: [{

        text: "Rooftop cocktails",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Something cosy with the people I love",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "A raucous pub night",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "No party",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Lots of dancing",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "Something exclusive, VIP only",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "Poetry readings",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "I'd rather read a book",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "A royal ball",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "My band playing!",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "What do your friends love most about you?",

    answers: [{

        text: "My resilience",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "My compassion",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "I'm their ride or die",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "My kindness",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "The fun we have together!",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "My wisdom",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "I'm a good listener",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "My courage",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "My loyalty",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "My excellent hair",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "What would you most love to receive as a gift?",

    answers: [{

        text: "Time alone with my partner",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "A beautiful painting",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "A new weapon to add to my collection",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "Jewellery",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Something I've chosen myself",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "I prefer giving the gifts!",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "A day out filled with my favorite things",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "Gifts aren't important to me",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "Something homemade with sentimental value",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "Time to myself",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, {

    question: "Your friend betrays you to your enemy, what do you do?",

    answers: [{

        text: "Play the long game",

        type: "A"

    }, {

        text: "Talk it out",

        type: "B"

    }, {

        text: "Immediately attack",

        type: "C"

    }, {

        text: "I'd snoop and find out why",

        type: "D"

    }, {

        text: "Ghost them",

        type: "E"

    }, {

        text: "Burn the world down",

        type: "F"

    }, {

        text: "I'd try to forgive",

        type: "G"

    }, {

        text: "I would curse them",

        type: "H"

    }, {

        text: "Probably cry",

        type: "I"

    }, {

        text: "I'd lock them up",

        type: "J"

    }, ]

}, ];

[omnipicureans]

[S'MORES] - A classic treat, easily made in the bonfires that crop up as the sun begins to set, and perfect for sharing.

The night was winding down, and Fu Hua sat before a fire, a stick before the pit. As heat slowly enraptured the gooey marshmallow, she would hum. She was at peace. That was, until a familiar figure would drift closer out of the shadows.

"Who's there?" She called out, her tone rather sweet. "I'm just making some s'mores and uh, I've got more than enough to share, if you'd like to join me!" Despite all that had come before, that nerve in meeting someone new still managed to find itself tickling the end of each sentence. A soft sigh at the hesitation, before her eyes widened. The realization of who was approaching hit harder than any foe she'd ever faced.

"Aponia..." she whispered, her stick lowering closer to the bonfire. The golden goodness would burn over, blackened and charred like the wood fueling the flame. The state of her snack isn't on her mind, however. Her old friend is.

(Realizing that Fu Hua would probably have a breakdown at seeing any of the flame-chasers but like don't worry about it yk)

𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄'𝐒 𝐀 𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇! ╱ ghsolstice prompts.

SIMULATIONS HAD NOT THE NECESSITIES OF HUMAN LIMITS, & thus, the drawl of shuddering wind across dark skies had not summoned forth the thought of retreating back home to unceremoniously end the night. or maybe, instead, the simple thought of having somewhere to retreat was the catalyst of discipline's aimless wandering. sand crushed beneath platformed sandals, moonlight caught between clasped hands, aponia walked & walked & walked until the shore was behind her wake——— hooded eyes glazed over with the barest flicker of fatigue ; THE FOREVER EMOTION TRAPPED BETWEEN THE BINARIES OF HER RIBCAGE, an immortal ghost of her humanity.

at least, in this, the mortal delight of watching setting suns & waking moons would be enjoyed, without the ignorance of pretending how numbers made up the sky & codes reflected the light cast upon her. that, as wispy as the breeze, followed the memory of companionship, a———

shy blue eyes blinked away the exhaustion, napping up at the direction of a stranger's voice. how far had she walked, aimless yet inevitably into the radius of another, more fortunate soul? lips pursed into the beginnings of a frown, TOO QUAINT TO MIMIC THE TRUTH OF A SCOWL, one she, herself, seemed incapable of creating. the greeting though was welcoming enough, & truth to the offer, it had been years since she had the luxury of a smore. ( what exactly that was, she seemed forgetful, but the smell of charring sugar shed a possible light on the sweet's making. )

❛ ah, you are too kind. i apologize for interrupting your peace. ❜ wandering feet set themselves forward to a destination, that beneath the brushes of foliage & into the clearing lit only by a pit of carefully tamed fire. pursed lips became that of a smile, gentle & appreciative, before her gaze finally reached the lady perched beside the flames. ❛ if you will allow me, then i will join you. i. . . ❜

FAMILIARITY GRASPED HER THROAT, & STRANGLED FORTH ANY UTTERANCE OF FURTHER EXPLANATIONS. the feeling was so sudden, so impossibly swift, discipline nearly split apart the fragment she stood as, a shock so utterly disobedient, her expression fell with an uncomfortable ease.

in contrast to herself, fu hua sat casually before her, though evidently not absent of a similar surprise as the disbelief that refused to release her. AGAINST ALL ODDS, FU HUA EXISTED. it was simply a strange oddity that she existed in front of discipline, of all ghosts.

her name fell softly from fu hua's lips, though she had yet to tear herself from the disbelief ; CONFUSED EYES MET THOSE OF A VIBRANT COLOR, so unlike the gaze she remembered, yet belonging to the memory as no other would. quiet, aponia uttered, ❛ fu hua. ❜ & said nothing else, simply to digest the name in full. discipline turned taut, then, once all was consumed. she straightened what had relaxed, pressed together lips that fell open, & changed all besides the tenderness of her gaze.

❛ . . . you are different. ❜ came, first, the obvious. second, followed the trail of her feet, guiding her forward until she stood closer, further into the light. in little time, such sternness softened. ❛ i am surprised, but cannot be anymore. you are a force of the untouchable, fu hua. ❜

( HAVE YOU MISSED ME AS I HAVE MISSED YOU? WHAT HAS BECOME OF YOU NOW, & DOES IT BEAR RESEMBLANCE TO THE REBIRTH OF MYSELF? WHAT HAS CHANGED BETWEEN US, OR HAS ANYTHING AT ALL?

[ . . . ] discipline remained silent of all inquiries, scripted only to the very moment it existed within. )

careful gaze flitted to the empty log beside her. an offer, a boundary, ❛ may i sit with you, still? ❜

[jtl07]

Supercorptober 2022 Day 29: Bonfire

Do’s don’ts of bonfires with the Danvers clan

DO: Send out the dress code at least 2 weeks in advance 

Note: Rotate who decides the dress code

2022: Esme!

DON’T: Leave Alex and Lena unattended for more than 30 minutes when building the bonfire lest they make one large enough to be seen from space 

Note: The fire garden was pretty cool though… 

DON’T: Leave Kara and Esme unattended for more than 10 minutes OR within 100 yards of the s'mores ingredients, lest the majority of said ingredients will be ingested in less than 5 minutes

It was 3 minutes! (That’s nothing to be proud of, Kara)

DO: Give Kelly and Eliza awards for having extra s’mores ingredients

DO: Give Kelly and Eliza awards for being the best moms, period

2022: Lena too!

DO: Leave Lena and Esme unattended among the fallen leaves (be ready to take plenty of pictures!) 

DO: Allow Kara to light the starter with her heat vision, lest she will pout for the entire evening

DON’T: Let Kara see that there’s vegetables for the BBQ until she’s had at least half a bottle of alien liquor

Note: After 2 bottles she won’t know the difference between regular meat and beyond meat 

Not true! (We have pictures, Kara)

DO: Leave Lena and Eliza unattended with plenty of blankets and hot cider, these ladies deserve a break! 

DO: Bring fire resistant blankets 

Note: Extra award to Lena for designing the fluffiest fire resistant blankets ever!

DON’T: Allow the Danvers sisters to have any sort of competition past 11pm, lest something will explode

DO: Bring extra extinguishers 

My freeze breath isn’t enough for you?? (It’s dangerous having a single point of failure, darling)

DON’T: Try to look for Kara and Lena if they disappear suddenly

DO: Bring at least one musical instrument for campfire songs (and general sound coverage)

Note: Kazoos do NOT count

DO: Bring at least one telescope for stargazing 

DO: All of this all over again next year!

(Look up "Lightscape fire garden" for pictures of the fire garden thing!)

[Supercorptober 2022 prompts]

[silentchamp]

A MOTH TO A FLAME—that is what it is. the paradox pokémon knows better than to approach, but its attempts to resist its INSTINCT are futile. the conflict confuses its code, but what is it to deny itself of the great TREASURE that is a BURNING FIRE? a flawed creation of man—that is what it is.

beneath the setting sun, it draws ever closer to the BLAZING CAMPFIRE. its silver body shines in the light; its wings spread apart and position themselves parallel to the fire, and it basks in it. the IRON MOTH lets out a series of electronic hums, its pixelated display flashes, and it closes its eyes as it basks in the BLAZE.

it pays no attention to the pokémon trainer close by.

The leaves woosh with the breeze of the forest, branches dancing against the wind. His firepit would too, flames briefly leaning to the right, to the left, and then back to the center again. He'd been amidst crafting his own s'more, crisp marshmallow crammed between two whole gram crackers, a smear of pecha berry jam sandwiched between the treat.

Red licks his pinky, looking off into the woods--the rest of his team had ran off into the woods, both to play and to retrieve extra kindling for the flame that evening. His charizard lays quietly on her back, tiny dinosaur arms hunched in the air as her tail softly twitches, fire type snoring.

It's comfortable; homey, even.

It's why Red's expression contorts into something serious, something stern, especially upon recognizing the silhouette mirrored in the light of his brilliantly crafted fire.

Janus--?!

...No.

Tight shoulders loosen as Red registers the Iron Moth, a familiar creature with a foreign personality, or lack thereof. He gulps, scanning the paradox pokemon up and down.

This was Viridian Forest. What was it doing here?

Instead of asking questions, he would glance over at his charizard, who had been continuously snoozing. Thank goodness that the moth lacked footsteps, or this could've gone horribly wrong.

Instead, with an intrigued expression, Red would hold out his free hand, taking a bite of his s'more curiously. Would it let him pet it?

[doublel680]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Baby And Toddler Boys S'mores Graphic Tee - Carrot Stick.

[poshfind]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Melissa & Doug Wooden S'Mores Picnic Box Play Food Set For Boys and Girls 2+ NWT.

[vapehk1]

West Coast Vape: A Breezy Guide to Chilling Out with the Best

Ah, the West Coast: where the sunsets are golden and the vape clouds are gigantic. If you've ever wondered why vaping here feels like you've hit the jackpot of chill, you're not alone. West Coast vape isn't just a practice; it's a pilgrimage to the holy land of relaxation and taste. In this guide, we’ll take you on a humorous journey through the misty world of West Coast vaping, where the only thing more impressive than the views is the variety of flavors that can send your taste buds surfing. What Makes West Coast Vape Unique? Ever wonder what gives West Coast vaping its cool factor? Maybe it's the ocean breeze, or perhaps it's the laid-back attitude that infuses every puff. Here, vaping is not just about blowing clouds; it’s about crafting an atmosphere. It’s where technology meets tranquility. Think Silicon Valley, but with less coding and more cloud chasing. And let's not forget the innovations—the West Coast is home to some of the most groundbreaking vape technologies and e-juice formulations. From organic ingredients to wild flavor fusions, it's the forefront of the vaping revolution. Vape culture here is infused with the same entrepreneurial spirit that tech moguls bring to Silicon Valley. Only here, the goal isn't to launch the next billion-dollar app, but to create the perfect blend of flavor and vapor that can make you feel like you're riding a wave off the coast of Malibu—even if you're just lounging on your sofa. The Best West Coast Vape Flavors to Try If you're ready to dive into the flavors that make the West Coast vape scene a tastemaker's paradise, buckle up. We're not just talking about your standard 'fruits and mint' varieties; we’re talking about a culinary explosion that captures the essence of the coast. Imagine vaping a flavor called "Beach Bonfire Bliss" that somehow perfectly encapsulates the taste of s'mores and the salty ocean air, or "Surf's Up Citrus Surge," which packs a punch as refreshing as a morning wave slap. Each puff is like a postcard from places along the Pacific—from the citrus groves of Southern California to the berry fields of Oregon. It's like a foodie tour where you don't just eat the local specialties; you inhale them. So, what’s your first stop going to be? A zesty lime concoction reminiscent of a margarita at a San Diego beach bar, or a rich, earthy blend that takes you through the Redwoods? Vaping Etiquette on the West Coast On the West Coast, vaping isn't just a hobby; it's part of the local etiquette. It's about knowing when to puff and when to pass, and definitely about respecting the space and air of everyone around you. Picture this: You’re at a Los Angeles beach, the sun is setting, and you're ready to showcase your latest cloud-chasing skills. But wait! Remember, it's all about the chill factor here. The rule of thumb is simple: if your cloud could block out the view of a beachgoer's sunset, you might want to dial it back a bit. Then there’s the matter of sharing. On the West Coast, sharing your vape is like offering someone a ride on your longboard. It's a friendly gesture—just make sure your vape buddy is cool with the flavor. No one wants to expect a gentle vanilla puff and get hit with a surprise "Extreme Mint Explosion." It’s all about keeping the vibes as smooth as the ocean breeze. So, keep it cool, keep it classy, and make sure your vape clouds are not more invasive than the seagulls at Fisherman’s Wharf. Where to Find the Best Vape Shops on the West Coast Now, for the grand tour of the best vape shops where the clerks are chill, and the selections are vast enough to blow your mind—or at least your vape budget. Starting in Seattle, there's the infamous "Cloud City Vapes," where the décor is inspired by rainy days and coffee. Here, you can find everything from artisanal e-juices to the latest in mod tech. The staff is as knowledgeable about vaping as they are about avoiding the city’s perpetual drizzle. Cruise down the coast to Portland, and you can't miss "Vapor Trails." This shop is renowned not only for its unique blends but also for its commitment to sustainable vaping—yes, that’s a thing. Organic, locally-sourced ingredients in their juices, and recycled materials in their packaging make you feel good about going back for seconds... or thirds. Don't forget to stop by San Francisco's "Golden Gate Vapes." Nestled in the heart of the city, this shop offers flavors that capture the essence of the Bay Area. Ever tried a fog-inspired vape juice? Here’s your chance. It’s like inhaling the spirit of the city itself—eclectic, misty, and a little bit mysterious. And finally, when in Los Angeles, "The Vape Studio" is a must-visit. It's as glamorous as the city it's based in, with a sleek design and a celebrity clientele. Their signature flavor? "Hollywood Hills Sunset"—a mix of peach, lavender, and a hint of smog-free relaxation. Conclusion Embark on a lighthearted journey through the vibrant world of West Coast vaping with our guide that promises not just laughs but a deep dive into the culture that makes this region a haven for vapers. Discover what sets West Coast vape apart, with its innovative flavors and laid-back vaping etiquette that mirror its cool, entrepreneurial spirit. Savor a tour of the best local flavors, from beach-inspired "Beach Bonfire Bliss" to the zesty "Surf's Up Citrus Surge," capturing the essence of the coast in every puff. Navigate the social nuances of vaping etiquette unique to the West Coast—remember, it's all about respect and enjoying the vibe without overshadowing someone else's sunset. Finally, explore our curated list of the top vape shops from Seattle's "Cloud City Vapes" to Los Angeles' chic "The Vape Studio," each offering a local twist on this global craze. Whether you're a seasoned vaper or new to the scene, this guide ensures your West Coast vaping experience is as spectacular as the views. FAQs 1. What is West Coast vape culture like? West Coast vape culture is as laid-back as a hammock between two palm trees. It's a blend of innovation, relaxation, and social interaction, seasoned generously with local flavors and techy twists. Think of it as the Silicon Valley of vaping—where the tech meets the beach, and everyone's too chill to hurry. 2. Can I vape publicly on the West Coast? Absolutely, but think of it like sunscreen: apply liberally but respectfully. Most places along the West Coast are vape-friendly, but always check local signs and norms. Beaches, parks, and outdoor concerts are usually fair game, but blowing a cloud in someone's face at a beach bonfire might earn you some salty looks. 3. What are some must-try vape flavors from the West Coast? If your vape pen is begging for a new adventure, treat it to flavors like "Malibu Mint Mojito," "Pacific Peach Surf," and "Redwood Reserve." Each puff is like sending your taste buds on a zip line through the most scenic spots on the coast. 4. Are there any particular vaping etiquette tips I should know about? When in Rome, do as the Romans do; when on the West Coast, do as the laid-back vapers do. Always share with a smile but ask before joining a vape circle. Remember, the size of your cloud should never eclipse the sun for others. Keep it friendly and airy, just like the West Coast breeze. 5. Where can I find the best vape shops on the West Coast? From Seattle's rain-inspired "Cloud City Vapes" to the glamorous "The Vape Studio" in Los Angeles, the West Coast is dotted with standout shops. Whether you're in the mood for a sustainable puff in Portland or a celebrity-spotting session in LA, there's a vape shop to satisfy every craving and curiosity. Read the full article

[amarantine-amirite]

Less is S’more

I got up way too early. Before dawn, the world is still and quiet, and the air is cool and crisp. The sky is a deep shade of blue or purple, and the stars and moon are visible.

I don't feel like I have a head start on the day, nor do I feel calm because I am awake while the rest of the world is still asleep. Something kept me up all night.

I stood in the dimly lit corner of the room. Claudia watched me pace around from her perch on the edge of the purple couch. "You're up early, Michelle," she remarked.

I turned to her and said the thing that kept me up: "Do you ever feel like the universe is punishing you for wanting something too much?"

Claudia looked at me with a puzzled look on her face, looking puzzled. "No, why would you even have that problem?"

Everyone thinks I have trouble getting what I want, but there's a lot of lying that goes on here. People just don't want to accept that lying has consequences.

Other kids don't understand it. They just think I'm somebody with a low tolerance for not getting what I want. That isn't true, being lied to pisses everybody off, it's just that I make noise. Most kids just accept the lies and go on with their day. I don't. I make a fuss.

"I'm saying that because every time I go to do something, I feel like I'm fighting for the chance to be lied to."

I hoped Claudia would understand what I said. I don't think she did. "No. I think maybe your standards are too high"

There it is, your standards are too high, the universal code word for I'm going to make you seem unreasonable to cover our lie. If refusing to tolerate lying makes me unreasonable, then fuck off.

"Can you point to a concrete example? This sounds like hypotheticals"

Only one thing came to mind: in 8th grade, our school planned to have a 4th of July picnic instead of graduation because "if our formals were anything to go by, you kids have no taste in clothes". The weather had been dry enough that a stray cigarette would have blown up the forest, so fireworks were out of the question. It also doesn't help that fireworks have a toxic chemical footprint.

The class proposed some cool alternatives to fireworks. Someone suggested we light up the night with sky lanterns. The teacher pointed out it solves neither the pollution nor forest fire problems. Another kid suggested we shoot confetti into the sky with a confetti cannon, the guy that suggested the lanterns mentioned creates littler that wildlife may choke on, as do light-up balloons with LEDs. The kid who sat behind me suggested light-up drones, but that idea got shot down because the drones posed a threat to birds.

Now, I thought we could blow glow-in-the-dark bubbles, but I didn't get to pitch this one because someone butted in with phone displays. Everyone said no to that because it's "too much work", whatever that means. Ink jars waste water. A laser light show triggered a bad memory of the teacher's prom.

They wound up canceling the picnic. We didn't get anything to commemorate finishing 8th grade. The result? Nobody from my middle school remembers whether or not they finished middle school. And worse? Our homeroom was the only one that'd received any information that implied our graduation ceremony was a no-go.

"OK, Michelle," Claudia sighed, "what do you want?"

"S'mores," I nodded, "And I know that's ridiculous because it's Christmas Eve and s'mores are a summer food."

"S'mores don't have to be a summer thing," Claudia declared, casually leaning against the edge of the sofa, "If you're brave enough, you can make them by the campfire in winter. You don't even need a campfire to make them. You can toast marshmallows over the fireplace. I know because a friend of mine and I did that once. Best way to spend Christmas Eve."

A fleeting disappointment crossed my face. "We can't," I hesitated.

Claudia's curiosity sparked. "Why not?"

It's a long story. This year, the state of Oregon had a fire ban in place during the summer. The fire ban prohibited fireworks, campfires, and barbecues, even the propane-powered kind. As extreme as it sounded, it made sense because it didn't rain for the entire spring and we got barely any snow last winter. With weather like that, it becomes dry enough that you can't even fart in the forest.

After October 11th, the ban was extended over the Christmas season to include ovens, both gas and electric, and fireplaces of any kind.

While I attempted to condense the story of Oregon's first year rond fire ban into a single sentence, a sudden realization lit up my eyes, and I grinned. "Wait a sec, I spoke too soon. You can make s'mores in the microwave."

Claudia's skepticism wavered, replaced by genuine intrigue. "You can?"

I nodded again, my grin turning mischievous. "Yes! And while you don't get the caramelized flavor from the marshmallows being charred over a flame, making s'mores in the microwave makes the marshmallows extra sticky."

We tried making s'mores in the microwave. I want to say it worked, but I don't think it did.

The marshmallows puffed out a little bit deflated. It dripped under the rotating plate and it got stuck. The chocolate melted in the middle because it got stuck in an antinode for the microwave. The graham crackers caught on fire. That caused the microwave to blow up.

Smoke and a strong smell of burnt plastic and metal filled the room. I rushed to the window and reached over to open it, hoping to dissipate the smoke before it tripped the smoke detector.

"OK, Claudia," I said as I sauntered out of the kitchen, "the microwave just exploded."

Claudia jumped about three feet. "How!?" she screamed

"I think the plate got stuck and something overheated too much in one spot," I said as I walked out into the hall to get the fire extinguisher, "I'll get the fire extinguisher and stop it from causing further damage, you call the fire department."

I left the door open as I left. Claudia pointed to the label above the fire extinguisher. "Michelle, that isn't a fire extinguisher, that's a hand grenade!" she shouted.

"I'm pretty sure that's a fire extinguisher," I chuckled. That sign never fails to make me laugh. A fire extinguisher looks nothing like a hand grenade.

I grabbed the fire extinguisher. I aimed it at the bottom of the microwave. I pulled the pin, squeezed the handle, and shot myself in the face.

I read the instructions again. I squeezed the handle, and again it backfired. I put the fire extinguisher down, gestured to Claudia to leave, and we both left. Claudia pulled the fire alarm on our way out.

The fire department showed up. They sprayed the building with a hose, got the fire out, and recovered the melted, warped remains of the microwave.

Well, you can't say we didn't try.

@promptlyprompting

[lowtaxsa]

Emergency! Extra! State Og Report: 4.18.2023

Attention all State Og employees, it has come to our attention that the previous State Og report was put out by a rogue faction within our organization. We apologize for any confusion or inconvenience, and our security team is currently hunting down the responsible parties for swift and merciless re-education. Now, without further ado, let's get to the real State Og report – complete with ten amazing new products!

In this issue: Science Fair, move aside old-style luaus, lunch-on-the-go, "2nd Amendment" plushies, an honored sacrifice.

Project Code Name: Inflatable Hammers of Justice

Introducing our latest security innovation: Inflatable Hammers of Justice! These seemingly innocuous, oversized novelty hammers are actually filled with a highly potent knockout gas. Perfect for disciplining unruly employees or subduing trespassers, while maintaining a whimsical facade. Remember: With great power comes great hilarity.

Employee Dental Plan Update

State Og is proud to announce our new company-wide dental plan. However, due to budget constraints, the only available treatment option will be the "State Og Tooth Removal Service." Our dental experts will extract all of your teeth to save you the hassle of future dental issues. As a bonus, we'll replace your teeth with our patented "Shark Teeth™," which regenerate every few weeks. Say cheese!

Mandatory Team-Building Exercise: The Trust Magma Walk

Forget trust falls; we're stepping it up a notch with our newest team-building exercise: The Trust Magma Walk! Employees will be blindfolded and led across a narrow bridge suspended above a pool of molten magma. Remember, trust your teammates, or risk a fiery demise. Don't worry, we have marshmallows and graham crackers for post-exercise s'mores!

New Office Policy: Casual Doomsday Fridays

In an effort to boost employee morale, we're introducing "Casual Doomsday Fridays." On these days, employees are encouraged to bring in their favorite apocalyptic weapons and attire. Show off your creativity with homemade flamethrowers, zombie repellant, or even a stylish tin foil hat! Please note: State Og is not responsible for any accidental injuries, dismemberment, or doomsday scenarios.

State Og Café Presents: The Liquid Lunch

Tired of boring sandwiches and limp salads? Introducing the State Og Café's newest menu item: The Liquid Lunch! Our expert chefs have condensed all the flavors of a gourmet meal into a convenient, easy-to-consume slurry. Enjoy tantalizing tastes such as "Beef Bourguignon Smoothie" or "Taco Soup Sludge." Say goodbye to chewing and hello to chugging!

Annual State Og Science Fair

Our Annual State Og Science Fair is fast approaching! Employees are encouraged to submit their most twisted, mad scientist-inspired projects for a chance to win fantastic prizes. Some of last year's standout entries included a Teleporting Toaster, a Cat-Powered Generator, and a fully functioning Death Ray (in violation of several international treaties). Let your imagination run wild, but please, no more exploding volcanoes.

Project Code Name: SnuggleBots

Who says State Og can't have a softer side? Introducing our latest invention: SnuggleBots! These adorable, cuddly robots are programmed to provide emotional support and companionship. However, should the need arise, they also come equipped with razor-sharp claws and a laser-guided missile launcher. Awww, who's a cute little killing machine?

Employee Performance Reviews: Thunderdome Edition

In an effort to make performance reviews more engaging, State Og will be conducting this year's evaluations in the Thunderdome. Employees will face off in gladiatorial combat, with promotions and raises determined by their ability to emerge victorious. Don't worry, we're not completely heartless – losers will be given a complimentary State Og-branded band-aid and sent home with a stern warning to improve their performance by the next review.

State Og's Childcare Center: Little Oggies Daycare

Balancing work and family can be tough, but we've got you covered with our new on-site daycare center, Little Oggies! Our highly trained (and only slightly unstable) staff will ensure your little ones are safe, entertained, and educated in the ways of State Og. Activities include "Nap Time with the SnuggleBots," "Arts & Crafts with Recycled Office Supplies," and "Story Time with Uncle Doomsday." Reserve your spot now – space is limited and filling up fast!

Employee of the Month: Congratulations, Carl!

Lastly, we'd like to congratulate our Employee of the Month, Carl! Carl single-handedly prevented a catastrophic reactor meltdown by using his own body to plug a leaking coolant pipe. His quick thinking and dedication to State Og saved countless lives (and a significant amount of company property). In honor of his sacrifice, we're dedicating a plaque in his memory, and all employees are encouraged to visit the newly renamed "Carl Memorial Breakroom."

That's it for this week's Emergency! Extra! State Og report. Thank you for your continued dedication to our organization, and remember, if you see any suspicious activity, report it immediately to your nearest State Og Enforcer. Now, get back to work – and keep an eye out for rogue factions!

[inquiringquilter]

Quilt Block Mania - November is Camping

Welcome to my stop on the Quilt Block Mania Blog Hop. Each of the designers participating in the hop are sharing a block pattern inspired by this month’s theme, which is Camping.

Truth be told I’m not much of a camper although I do love being in the woods. The way I camp though is not so much a pull behind camper but a cozy cabin with a fireplace and a shaded deck where I can look at the forest with a cup of coffee in my hand and contemplate my place in all of this.

But when I dream of actually camping, I dream of a vintage pull behind trailer. So that’s what I put on my block.

I call my block Vintage Camper. I hope you’ll make my block! If you do, please tag me on social media @inquiringquilter.

My block uses simple piecing and fusible applique techniques. If you need help with fusible applique there are photo tutorials on my blog to help you.

There are lots of designers in this hop so be sure to visit all of them for your free pattern. Here are links to all the blocks in the Quilt Block Mania Camper Series:

Bug Jar Quilt Block by Carolina Moore Tent for Two by QuiltFabrication Forest Tree by Scrapdash Canoe Lady by Sugar Sand Quilt Co. Campfire Nights Block by Belle of Seams Sew Me Gone Fishing by Paleofish Designs Canoe Lake by Patti's Patchwork Vintage Camper by Inquiring Quilter Sleeping Bags by Appliques Quilts and More Camp Sign at Patchwork Breeze Blooming Meadow Quilt Block S'mores by Quiltblox Marshmallows by Inflorescence Billy Tea by Duck Creek Mountain Quilting Compass by Blue Bear Quilts Scout Badge by BoBerry Design Co. Looking for honey by Martha Jane Creations Night Camper by Jessica of Blue Sky Modern Craft

I often make my block into a mini quilt so I can display it at work. You can do that too with each month’s Quilt Block Mania block from me, or you can collect the blocks from all the designers in each month and make a quilt.

Scroll through my past Quilt Block Mania blocks. By the way. If you missed getting my other Quilt Block Mania block patterns they are available in my shop.

Quilt Block Mania returns next month with the theme, “Barn Blocks” so be sure to come back on the first Tuesday of the month to see what I create!

How do I get the free Vintage Camper block pattern?

My Vintage Camper block pattern is free to my email subscribers.

The next newsletter will go out Sunday, November 9th. Watch for it in your Inbox! Inside the newsletter is a code that will enable you to download the block pattern from my shop for free.

If you’re already a subscriber, you don’t need to do a thing except wait until my newsletter arrives. Then open the newsletter and use the code to download my pattern.

If you aren’t a subscriber yet but you’d like to be, click here to sign up.

Before you go, let me tell you about everything that’s going on here this week.

Happenings Here at Inquiring Quilter

The Island Batik Ambassador challenge for October was to make a ByAnnie bag. I made the Round Trip Duffle and loved using it on my recent vacation.

If you’ve been thinking about making a bag yourself, check out Part 1 of my bag making series for tips and tricks!

The Island Batik challenge for November is to create Christmas Stockings! Here’s my fabric pull. I’m going for jewel tones as my theme.

Tomorrow is show and tell day here at Inquiring Quilter and invite you to join us at my weekly link up I call Wednesday Wait Loss.

It’s the 300th week of Wednesday Wait Loss and I’m celebrating with a grand giveaway!7

Come back tomorrow to link up holiday projects!

If you’re looking to make new friends, join me on Facebook this Saturday for my weekly online quilting retreat I call my Saturday Sew-In. The fun starts at 8 AM EST and runs through 6 PM EST. It’s not live but there are get to know you prompts throughout the day to spark discussion and friendship. This is a fun and friendly group and you’ll soon make friends—real friends.

In addition, you’ll be inspired by other quilter’s projects and you’ll gets tons of encouragement as you share your own. If you’ve been missing companionship since COVID started, I guarantee you’ll find it here. Saturday Sew-In takes place in my private Facebook group. Click here to join my Facebook group. Be sure to answer the questions so I know your not a bot.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Tell me…will you be making my How I Roll block?