#sad bitch summer let’s not make this a trend

[marshunter06]

Sad Bitch- Łaszewo (Trentney)

A/N: Sorry I’ve been absent, but my brain has been a bitch lately... I never imagined I would be writing a fic like this, but I had to get it out. The reason why I do have such a soft spot for Trentney is because I have a Trent in my life to keep me grounded and I’m so grateful for him

To be a good artist means one must be burdened with great suffering especially at the hands of oneself. This may not apply to all the arts and typically not with singers, but Courtney understood this more than anyone in the industry. It was never her intention to be this way, dissociating while her manager tried to plan her next move, but the weight of her own thoughts were just too much to carry. Back when Total Drama was still a thing, she hid her depression well, she often exploded into anger to keep people out. No one would dare befriend a fiery volcano just waiting to erupt, no one besides him at least. With a touch of his hand, she was brought back to reality to listen to the meeting with their label. His smile and bright green eyes soothed her dark thoughts away briefly, enough to put on her persona as a successful pop princess. His hand stayed put, right next to hers barely touching. It brings a warm feeling into her heart and soon she’s lost in a daydream with him as the focus. Still the sadness starts to ease into her thoughts making doubts plague her mind. Was she foolish with possibly falling for her best friend? Was it smart to trust Trent with her heart so soon after her final breakup with Duncan? Would it even be the final breakup? Duncan, the name still leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. She still remembers everything about their failed relationship, every callous word thrown at each other without regard for the other’s feelings. A primes example of two toxic people made for each other. Their love always sizzled out leading to another prison both were too familiar to let go of. What happened to the young her who welcomed every change with a light in her eyes? Courtney doesn’t know when her old self died only to be reborn into a shell of who she was before, but when she finally realized what happened, it was too late.

“Court, you’re home.”

She blinks once then twice wondering when she got into his car. Her scenery magically changed from a corporate office to her newly purchased home.

“Here, I’ll walk you inside. I think I forgot my guitar pick anyways.”

“The silver one?”

“Yeah, did you find it?”

“No, I’ve been busy, sorry. It should be in the studio though.”

He simply smiles as he walks around to open her door; he doesn’t call her out on her obvious lie. She wasn’t busy, he’s been there with her as her demons pull her away from the real world, she just stares into nothingness. He tries to pull her out of it when possible, usually a nudge will do it, but sometimes the demons are too powerful to keep at bay for long. Lately it’s been worse. They’ve had to reschedule the label meeting several times already. He knows she’s heading down a dark path, it’s why he’s been making excuses to stay over despite him living an hour plus away due to LA traffic.

“Found it, you were right, it was on top of the piano.”

“Oh? Glad it’s not missing anymore, thanks for bringing me back by the way.”

“‘Course, can’t leave my fav girl stranded.”

“I would’ve been fine, really. You can go home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Is that a promise?”

“I never break my promises.”

He only hesitated slightly then nodded bidding her goodnight. It was already late, the moon high above the sky with stars twinkling around the crescent shaped light. He was almost out the door when he turned back to tell her to look outside.

“The moon is beautiful tonight.”

“You tell me this every night.”

“And I mean it everytime.”

“We couldn’t even see it a few nights ago.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful.”

“Trent, I think you’ve been awake for too long. Get some sleep tonight.”

“You too. I’ll call when I get home, so you don’t worry.”

“You can just text me, I’ll still be up.”

“It’s better to hear your voice.”

“You hear it all the time, you should be sick of it.”

“You’re kidding right? I get the honor of listening to the greatest singer of our generation, how could I ever pass that opportunity up?”

“Are you talking about yourself again?”

This gets both of them to smile, he knows he’s succeeded in pushing away her sorrow for a moment. It won’t last long though, they both knew this. She can only hope she doesn’t call him crying again tonight. He’s been losing sleep because of her, still he never complains.

After he leaves, she tries her best to get ready for bed. She gets distracted a few times, just managing to slip under her covers by the time Trent calls her letting her know he made it home safely. She keeps the conversation short telling him she’s tired, he wishes her sweet dreams as she tells him good night. She lays in bed tossing and turning until she’s on her side facing her window with the just a glow of the moonlight seeping into her dark room. She closes her eyes willing sleep to take over, but her brain runs wild bringing her further into its abyss.

You’re going to be sad and alone forever.

Trent doesn’t love you, no one does, you couldn’t even keep Duncan.

Your parents are ashamed of you, you’re the reason they divorced.

Cate’s won’t talk to you because you’re too much to handle, your own sister hates you.

You’re only famous because no one’s caught on that you’re talentless yet, the whole world will shun you soon.

The only reason you have hits is because Trent’s the one writing the songs, when he leaves you’ll be nothing.

What’s it like being a hurtful bitch getting karma like you deserve?

Honestly Courtney, you’re pathetic, why do you even try? No one likes a sad bitch.

Everyone’s tired of how whiny you are, just stop with your lame excuses, who cares if you didn’t get sleep?

The self hatred goes on and on until she’s drowning in negative energy. She’s suffocating and breathing isn’t helping, she can’t take in air fast enough, the room feels too confined. She needs to get up and get out, but she can’t, she’s trapped. Tears stream out of her eyes as her body continues to be paralyzed, her heart is erratic and she can barely breathe. It’s too much, the walls are caving in and she can’t do anything to stop it. She closes her eyes again trying to fight back with happy thoughts, but she fails again and again as her mind continues to tell her how useless she is. She’s losing the battle, she just wants it to be quiet, but her thoughts ring loud and clear with every word cutting into her soul. Pain, so much pain leaving invisible scars all over her. If she waits long enough she’ll blackout from the pressure, she just has to focus on her breathing. In then out, in then out, she can do this, she promised she could…

Her eyes snap open and she’s able to move once more. Her first thought is to call him, she should’ve just asked him to stay. She’s always felt better in his arms, his regular heartbeat bringing her back to earth. Why didn’t he fight harder to stay this time? Was he really sick of her too? He’s just like the others, he can’t handle her. The kindest person she’s ever met and even he’s exhausted being near her. The misery takes over and all she wants is to drown herself in alcohol and cigarettes. All bad habits she learned from her ex, though to be fair, she didn’t take much persuading. She’s always known she has an addicting personality, it’s why she tried to stay sober, but she needed an escape. A bottle or two of wine wouldn’t be too bad. It was with this thought in mind that she decided to go into the living room for her secret stash of sherry’s. She rounds the corner heading to her hidden cabinet when she spots it: a silver guitar pick on the coffee table. She stops dead in her tracks.

“Trent.”

She sits on the ground as she cradles the pick rubbing over the letter “T” confirming it was his. She feels restless as she continues to stare at the precious item left behind for her sake. He knew. He must have. Why else would he leave the pick again? She closes her palm and holds it close to her chest, she has an overwhelming urge to do something. She wants to go to him, so she does, she doesn’t bother with a jacket, she simply follows her heart running out in the dead of night. She’s out the door in a flash clearly not thinking as she leaves her car behind and doesn’t lock her door. All she knows to do is keep moving forward as she jogs into a sprint. The cold air hits her bare arms and legs, but she isn’t bothered.

She makes it a block before her brain catches up telling her this is a bad idea; she starts to spiral down in her thoughts again. Do you even know where you’re going Courtney? You’re such an idiot, you just moved. How do you know the way to his house already? He obviously doesn’t want you to disturb him, he’s never invited you over since you moved. Stop with your delusions, Trent doesn’t like you, he only puts up with you because you work together. What are you going to do now? You’re lost. You’re going to lose him just like how you lost everyone else in your life. Face it Courtney, you’re just a loser. All you do is waste time.

She collapses on the hard concrete scraping her knee in the process. She nearly drops the pick in her hands as she hides her face with tears streaming down her cheeks. She doesn’t know what to do and now she’s blinded by a bright light. She drops her hands, it wasn’t the moonlight nor the streetlight, so it must be a headlight. It’s the middle of the night, no one should be out driving in this neighborhood. She should get up and go back home, but she’s lost the strength. She’s not even slightly afraid as the car approaches closer. It slows to a stop right next to her as she continues to stare forward. She doesn’t hear him when he calls out to her. She’s tired and cold, all she wants to do is close her eyes. She opens her eyes when she feels a warm jacket draped over her engulfing her in a familiar scent.

“Sorry I’m late, didn’t realize you wanted to go jogging.”

“Trent?”

“Hey Court.”

He says her name with a smile, he doesn’t question her on why she was out in her pajamas at nearly three in the morning sitting on the ground. He helps her up and into the passenger seat as he drives them back to her place. He doesn’t yell at her, his voice is calm and gentle when he tells her she’s home. She removes her seatbelt and that’s when she notices the duffel bag in the back seat. He catches her gaze explaining immediately even though he would never ask her to tell him what went wrong.

“It’s just some spare clothes. I was going to leave it in the car. I figure I might be here a while since we’re going to start on the new album tomorrow… or today rather.”

“You can bring it inside. I don’t mind.”

“You sure?”

She nods. He smiles at her again as he grabs the duffle in one hand with the other holding hers as they walk back inside her place. He doesn’t scold her on leaving her door ajar and unlocked. Once inside is when he notices the scrape on her knee. He immediately heads to the bathroom to grab the medical kit to help clean her wound. When she’s all patched up, he places a kiss on her bandaid as if it was the most natural thing to do. He notices her surprise.

“Sorry, Mom always did that for me whenever I got hurt. It took the pain away.”

She doesn’t say anything, she just opens her left hand where the pick had been the entire time. He takes it from her understanding that she was okay for now. When he looks at her again she’s overcome with another intense feeling, one that she never thought she would feel again so quickly. Panic starts to rise within as her brain feeds her false information. He pulls her out of the darkness as he wraps his arms around her keeping her safe and secure. The intruding fear leaves as she calms down. She pushes him away when his embrace becomes too much, he scoots over to give her more space.

“Are you ready to go to sleep Court?”

“Almost. I know it’s late, but I want to write for a bit. You can go to sleep first.”

“Inspiration strikes at any time. I’ll stay up with you.”

She pulls out her notebook armed with purple ink as it spills out on the page. He doesn’t interrupt, as she continues to put words on paper. It’s not often that she gets to write herself. She writes down all her haunting thoughts and with each line she feels a bit more healed. It’s therapeutic in a way, she wonders why she never did this in the first place, it would’ve saved her a lot more heartache. She passes him the notebook when she’s finished, he scans through the words until he reaches the end. He looks back up at her with a smile and a promise.

We've all been hurt before

If all's fair in love and war

What are we fighting for?

Baby, had the good intentions

Couldn't face another change of direction

Tell me what's the method to your madness

I'm just a fucking sad bitch, show me you can handle it

Save me from my own reflection

I can't take this tight rope tension

Tell me what's the method to your madness

I'm just a fucking sad bitch, show me you can handle it

A/N: This is only a glimpse of how I feel, I didn’t want to make the fic more dark, but it did to write it out. If anyone else is in the same boat know you’re not alone and that you can beat this. I’m still here and you here too.

[wheel-of-fish]

By the Numbers Jöback, Hill, Stolle

By the Numbers:  The Peter Jöback/Samantha Hill/Jeremy Stolle Stream, August 15, 2020

A more timely roundup!  The things that can be accomplished without a kitten on your head!

This was a fascinating boot, featuring a Phantom with a lovely Swedish accented tenor voice, Samantha “too sweet to be hot, except to the Phantom” Hill, and release-the-thirst-floodgates Jeremy Stolle.  The Stolle thirst was boundless.  The Stolle thirst was all encompassing.  There was scarcely a vocal phrasing, gesture, line read or body part that was not only mentioned but gushed over.  I did not even begin to count the ways.  Every category would have been “greater than infinity”.  And, every comment was true.  This man delivered!  From the height of his tallness to the depths of his deep baritone, Stolle was on a roll in this boot.  The boot itself was very good quality, only one large Head occasionally swallowing the action like a black hole.  Very worth seeing!  The passion of the AIAOY Kiss is matched only by the physics involved in making it happen between oh so tall Stolle and oh so small Hill.  But true love always finds a way!

Suggested names for this boot:  Jöback in Black Boot, IKEA Phantom Boot, Stolle the Show Boot (Okay, nobody suggested these.  It was me.  I suggested these. The first one was from Fish’s password for this stream, though!)

Statistician’s Favorite Boot Name:  The FÅNTØM Boot (again, nobody’s suggestion but mine, spelling courtesy of missbuster)

Wow, we like to talk about Phantoms:  Well this week, we seemed to talk about everybody except other Phantoms.  Oh sure, some were mentioned, but let’s mix it up and see what other names were dropped this week.  Supply your own context for even greater amusement, because heaven knows you won’t find it here.  These numbers are a lot more accurate because, again, no kitten on head this week.  It occurs to me that instead of meticulous record keeping, I could just make crap up.  Not this week.  Maybe next week.  All these people were genuinely mentioned in this week’s stream.

Carly Rae Jepsen (7), Vin Diesel (1), John Travolta (3), Antonio Banderas (5), Hugh Jackman (3), Ian McKellen (3), Judy Dench (1), Emmy Rossum (2), Anne Hathaway (4), Russell Crowe (3), Patrick Wilson (1), James Corden (1), Rebel Wilson (1), Hadley Fraser (1), Kelly O’Hara (1), Francesca Hayward (1), Michael Gruber (1)

Fond mentions of 1998 “Cats”:  6

Mentions of 2019 “Cats”:  12 (I have left out any adjectives as most were Not Charitable.)

Opinions that “Cats” should only be done as an animation:  2

Oh, hey, yeah, another Phantom, mentions of Gerard Butler:  5 (I have left out any adjectives as most were along the lines of Bless His Heart)

Oh, hey, yeah, another Phantom, mentions of Paul Stanley:  14 (I have left out any adjectives as most were somewhere between Not Charitable and Bless His Heart)

Wishes for Rose to have good luck on her date while the rest of us stayed glued to our monitors on a Saturday night:  9

Inappropriate Random Zoom:  to Christine’s dressing table during Raoul’s visit (not NEARLY as inappropriate as the Random Zoom to Barbara the mannequin’s doors of summer during last week’s stream.)

Self-Caress mentions:  3 (The Phantom.  The PHANTOM.  Not whatever you were thinking.)

What scent are the Phantom’s candles:  Hopeless Mist (no, the Phantom’s candles were not discussed this week.  As the creator of the candle line which includes Underground Despair, I have decided to use this statistical summary to focus group test additional scentsations suitable for the Phantom’s Lair.  You are warned that this may be an Ongoing Feature.)

For Science mentions:  6

Boner mentions: 2 (I will not name names, you know who you are)

Apparent confirmation of boner mentions by people noticing Christine looking down during The Sprawl:  3

Is there any safe way to say that boner mentions are ummm trending downward?:  No

Unofficial Dialogue:  “TA DAAA” when the Phantom reveals the mirror bride (courtesy Wheel-of-fish, who just barely beat haunted-hideaway to it)

Outrageous Rumors Category: 

“Carly Rae Jepsen as Meg…..A dream”—deardaaery

“Carly Rae Jepsen played Meg???” –mrskroger

“I love how these streams can be used to start outrageous rumors”—Aldebaran

“rushing to tumblr to tell everyone about carly rae jepsen playing meg”—Wheel-of-fish

“Vin Diesel played Raoul, fact”—Aldebaran

IKEA mentions:  10

Suggestions for additional characters Jeremy Stolle could play in the All Stolle Show (phantom-of-the basement):  Mirror Bride (christinegrrl), Monkey Music Box (Flora-Gray), Madame Firmin (ktarinajones)

Everyone’s a critic:  “First review for the all stolle show has to be “he stolle the show” otherwise it’s a missed opportunity”—butdreamsofbeauty

The Phantom’s pillows mentions:  7

People of the opinion that the Phantom should use one of his 600 pillows as a cushion for fainted Christine’s head:  2 (question and number of pillows estimated by ashadeintheshade)

Vintage madamefaust on the Pillow Question:

Look, he took a long time arranging those pillows.  They’re from Pier One, they’re expensive, he doesn’t want to put them on the floor.

Erik has skillz:

“You know he’s handy.  Everything is probably homemade. Bitch can sew a hem.”—Melancholy’s Child

“Erik as a contestant on Project Runway”—Benny-Lynne

“I’m convinced he hand-sewed the Red Death costume.”—haunted-hideaway

“Five and half months working on that Red Death cosplay”—yamiangie

“has a “Red Death” pintrest”—blahahala                              

Outrageous Rumors Part Two:

“The pillows are hot-glued to the boat”—wheel-of-fish

People who fell for the Phantom hot-gluing pillows to the boat:  4

Outrageous Rumors Part Three                                          

“Carly Rae Jepsen hot glued those pillows”—wheel-of-fish

We stan a crafty Phantom:

“I just like the idea of Erik with a glue gun”—wheel-of-fish

 “erik bedazzling things”—butdreamsofbeauty

 “He  DEFINITELY has a bedazzler.”—madamefaust

 “erik bedazzles his own capes”—christinegrrl

 “erik with a staple gun putting pillows on a boat:  KACHUNK”—        phantomofthebasement

Barbara Speaks:

   “Being a mirror bride must be a hard job”—mrskroger

   “damn straight”—the-real-barbara

Rare Don Atillio appreciation mention: 1

Andre’s probable fear of ballerinas mentions:  6 (as suggested by madamefaust)

Andre’s issue gets a name:  Tutuphobia—Aldebaran

Possible alternate ending for POTO:

There’s like 8 ballerinas….if they all came together the Phantom would have no chance.—hell-lawliet

That’s why Buquet always carries a noose, fear of ballerinas–Aldebaran

AIAOY Kiss comments:  45 comments in 24 seconds

Requests for AIAOY Kiss replay:  6 (replay occurred)

Incorrect use  of the Raoul as an International Unit of Measure:  1 (I misstated in the stream that Christine would be 1.62 Raouls in height.  This is clearly false, as it would make her much taller than Raoul, who is already impossibly tall.  Using as our values Mr. Stolle at 6’3” and Ms. Hill at 5’4”, Christine’s height expressed in Raouls would be .8533 Raouls.  The statistician regrets the error.  This is why maybe I should just make crap up next time.  No, I will not convert the heights to the metric system.)

Debut of IKEA Phantom: 

“And the Phantom is just quietly weeping in the angel because…even he knows that is a hard act to follow”—madamefaust

“That is a kiss to cause a Phantom mental breakdown for sure”—Flora-Gray

“oh no the ikea phantom becomes unassembled”—Aldebaran

“he wasn’t anchored to the wall”—Benny-Lynne

“Someone get the allen wrench, we need to put back together a saad boi”—haunted-hideaway

Unholy Trinity of Cooper/Thiago/Uwe mentions:  1 (by madamefaust, who perhaps is protected by the sheer power of her vast Phannish humor and talent.  Please do not invoke the Unholy Trinity on a whim yourself.)

Respect given to Steve Barton in the form of “Fs”:  11 (entirely appropriate at any time but especially during a boot with such a stellar Raoul)

Red Death as a Swedish Fish mentions:  3 (not to his face, never to his face)                                         

 “tiny swedish fish red death”—Aldebaran

 “HE IS A SWEDISH FISH”—madamefaust

 “the most dramatic swedish fish”—butdreamsofbeauty

Best from Onthevirg’s Mom:  “We should talk about Phantom Jaws”

Fathering Gaze lyric:  1

Split decision on the statement by mrskroger that Wandering Child has a strong Daddy’s Home vibe:

*Strong NO from Wheel-of-fish

*Strong YES from Benny-Lynne

That staff tho: 

“Fire Pez One.  Fire Pez Two.”—Aldebaran

“Skeletor Pez Dispenser”—DoCTy

“I wonder what it’s like to be that dramatique that you fashion a staff that shoots fire”—haunted-hideaway

“He probably bedazzled the staff as well”—Aldebaran

“oh he definitely bedazzled it”—christinegrrrl

“ ‘bedazzled staff’ definitely sounds like something hmm”—onthevirg

Number of audience cell phone rings at insanely crucial moments:  1

Attempting to bring Logic to PONR:

“I know it’s a plot device, but who has a hood that big, really?”—haunted-hideaway

“THIS IS THE EXACT SAME MAN.  MUCH STEALTH.  SUPER INCOGNITO”—madamefaust

“Yeah, I don’t know guys…I don’t think that’s Piangi…?” —Flora-Gray

“yeah swedish italian accent is a giveaway”–Aldebaran

Education of the Innocent:

“ok, I don’t know The Lore, why do we call her Barbara”—butdreamsofbeauty

“Haunted named her in a stream.  She said: ‘Her name is Barbara and she had hopes and  dreams once.’  I said I would never forget it and I have not.”–Aldebaran

The mob storms IKEA:

“time to flat pack the FÅNTØM”—missbuster

“So you’re saying Stolle should just squash the Phantom” —GlassPrism

“he comes apart for easy handling”—missbuster

“Get the Allen wrench”—madamefaust

Reactions to the Phantom after Christine’s final exit: 37 comments in 59 seconds

Sad comment is sad: We don’t even need the allen wrench, he came apart on his own.   –  madamefaust

Things I wish I had said:

“Moist Raoulette”—haunted-hideaway

“no Tol Raol Pol?”—missbuster,  at not seeing Raoul boating away post Final Lair

“No Stolle Tolle Rolle Polle?”—missbuster, with continued disappointment                          

Dreams do come true:

You know.  If you had told 14 year old me that in the future I could watch Phantom EVERY WEEKEND I would have died on the spot—missbuster

Statistician Aldebaran’s two no three favorite personal quotes:   

re: Jöback “He crawls with an accent”

 “Raoul conveniently wore a ladder jacket to make it easier for Christine to climb” 

 “Erik is just in a perpetual state of PONR”

Thank you as always for the submission, kind statistician Aldebaran!

[jiminfms]

         *  hi  ,  my  name’s  tee  and  this  ain’t  a  waist  trainer  bitch  ,  this  a  back  brace  i  got  scoliosis  .  𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨  ,  𝐢𝐭'𝐬  𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫  𝐦𝐨𝐦��𝐠𝐞𝐫  𝐤𝐫𝐢𝐬   ( finally  )  !  i  prefer  either  feminine  or  non - binary  pronouns  ,  and  i  reside  in  the  est  time  zone !  it  has  taken  me  so  long  to  formally  write  and  i  highkey  hate  it  because  i  lost  muse  for  my  queen  miss  giavanna  ,  so  i  decided  to  bring  another  muse  instead  of  leaving  because  honestly  ...  i  love  ya’ll  🥺 .  the  way  i  love  miss  jennie  kim  is  more  than  i  wanna  admit  ,  so  let  me  introduce  you  guys  to  the  tiny  ball  of  aggression  that  is  jimin  jung !

          omg  !  i  was  walking  yonge  street  downtown  ,  and  you’ll  never  guess  who  i  saw  .  jimin  jung  !  i  just  saw  a  post  about  them  on  sixsecrets ! i  think  it  said  something  like  ' jimin  jung  physically  restrained  by  security  guards  following  a  verbal  argument  with  fellow  customer  at  drake  one  fifty ! ' .  isn’t  that  wild  ?  i  guess  it  makes  sense  though  ,  since  they’re  apparently  antagonistic  and  bellicose  .  but  i’ve  heard  they’re  also  sultry  and  voguish  ! i’ll  just  stick  to  giving  them  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  .  i  mean  ,  it’s  not  like  i  know  them  personally  —  they’re  a  famous  singer  /  songwriter  and  model  ! you  know  ,  i’ve  actually  heard  rumors  that  redacted  ,  but  they’re  just  rumors  …  i  think  .  i  dunno  .  if  you  happen  to  run  into  them  ,  tell  them  i’m  their  biggest  fan !

FULL  NAME  :  jung  jimin  .

NICKNAME(S) :  n/a  .

AGE  +  DATE  OF  BIRTH :  24  +  june  10th  ,  1996  .

ASTROLOGICAL  SIGN  :  gemini  .

MEYERS - BRIGGS  PERSONALITY  TYPE :  entj  .

MORAL  ALIGNMENT :  chaotic  neutral  .

GENDER  +  PRONOUNS  :  cis  female  +  she / her / hers  .

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  bisexual  .

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  biromantic  .

PLACE  OF  BIRTH :  kensington  ,  london  ,  england  .

PLACE  OF  RESIDENCE  :  toronto  ,  ontario  ,  canada ( specifically  ,  in  the  neighborhood  of  forest  hill ) .

OCCUPATION  :  singer  /  songwriter  and  model  .

VOICECLAIM  :  dua  lipa  .

NATIONALITY  :  british  -  korean  .

ETHNICITY  :  korean  .

LANGUAGES  SPOKEN  :  english  ,  korean  ,  and  japanese  .

i.  prosopography  .

            jimin’s  story  begins  with  the  fateful  meeting  of  her  parents  ,  kim  seo - yeon  and  jung  do - young  ,  on  a  cold  winter’s  day  .  they  found  themselves  at  the  tender  ages  of  20  and  22  ,  attending  a  boring  christmas  gala  with  their  parents  when  they  would  have  preferred  to  do  anything  else  in  the  world  .  seo - yeon  was  a  women  who  knew  what  she  wanted  the  moment  her  eyes  landed  upon  it  ,  so  when  she  made  brief  eye  contact  with  do - young  ,  she  purposefully  spilled  a  glass  of  champagne  onto  his  expensive  tom  ford  suit  and  made  a  big  deal  of  it  .  this  sparked  their  whirlwind  romance  ,  and  six  months  later  they  found  themselves  announcing  their  engagement  to  korean  media  outlets  .

           despite  how  quickly  they  were  engaged  ,  their  parents  saw  this  as  mutually  beneficial  .  seo - yeon  is  the  youngest  daughter  of  the  wealthy  kim  family  ,  owners  of  the  kq  group  conglomerate  that  was  worth  billions  in  its  own  right  .  do - young  was  the  only  child  of  his  parents  ,  and  came  from  park  family  lineage  where  their  hotels  and  resorts  were  the  cause  of  their  fortune  .  the  families  were  soon  to  be  one  ,  and  the  couple  was  the  chaebol  heirs  that  others  envied  .  following  their  lavish  wedding  ,  seo - yeon  and  do - young  decided  that  they  were  going  to  head  off  to  london  to  make  a  life  for  themselves  .  so  ,  they  transferred  to  oxford  university  ,  finished  their  schooling  ,  and  shortly  after  seo - yeon’s  graduation  from  the  financial  economics  program  ,  the  couple  discovered  that  they  were  expecting  .

          it  was  a  sticky  summer  day  when  seo - yeon  unexpectedly  gave  birth  to  their  daughter  ,  who  decided  not  to  allow  her  parents  time  to  get  to  the  hospital  .  jimin  was  born  in  the  bathtub  of  her  parents’  luxury  bathroom  ,  and  right  into  the  arms  of  her  slightly  panicked  but  overjoyed  father  .  from  the  time  that  she  was  a  toddler  ,  araminta  was  a  very  precocious  child  ,  picking  up  on  skills  quite  quickly  and  speaking  in  few  short  sentences  by  the  time  she  was  eleven  months  old  .  as  she  grew  older  ,  jimin’s  parents  remained  hands  on  despite  their  busy  schedules  ,  and  decided  that  they  would  see  what  their  daughter  would  have  the  most  interest  in  .  when  she  was  four  ,  her  parents  began  piano  lessons  ,  and  it  was  evident  that  she  had  a  natural  gift  for  the  instrument  .

            life  for  jimin  had  always  been  comfortable  ,  but  she  didn’t  want  to  take  the  usual  route  ,  or  what  was  expected  of  her  .  she  had  always  been  interested  in  music  ,  so  she  she  originally  started  with  taking  dance  classes  .  she  trained  in  all  forms  of  dance  in  order  to  be  well  rounded  ,  and  she  initially  had  dreams  of  becoming  a  backup  dancer  ,  but  when  she  was  playing  around  and  decided  to  make  a  video  singing  a  song  that  she  had  written  all  on  her  own  ,  jimin  became  an  overnight  sensation  .  her  song  ,  hotter  than  hell  ,  blew  up  almost  instantly  and  she  was  signed  to  warner  music  group  .  

            i’ve  written  enough  VCJNXVBHCV  but  her  career  has  followed  the  timeline  of  dua’s  ,  although  it’s  slightly  off  by  maybe  the  month  or  the  year  .   she  has  won  a  total  of  forty - two  awards  in  her  career  ,  including  two  grammy  awards  and  three  brit  awards  .  although  miss  dua  got  a  lil  clowned  for  her  dancing  at  one  point  ,  i  must  say  that  jimin  is  quite  the  performer  ,  and  definitely  makes  use  of  the  stages  by  recreating  music  videos  or  simply  giving  the  audience  an  experience  .  she  has  not  released  future  nostalgia  as  of  yet  ,  but  it’s  what  she’s  currently  working  towards  !  through  her  career  ,  she  is  known  by  her  mononym  jimin  !

ii.  temperament  .

jimin  is  a  real  bitch  ,  but  she  doesn’t  go  out  of  her  way  to  ‘  out  bitch  ’  someone  because  she  finds  it  to  be  kinda  dumb  .  she’s  primarily  looking  to  have  fun  ,  and  no  one  is  about  to  be  bitchy  around  her  without  getting  snatched  up  .

she  parties  like  she  just  turned  twenty - one  and  dares  someone  to  say  something  about  it  !  invite  her  to  the  club  and  she’s  coming  without  a  second  thought  .  she’s  the  friend  who  will  make  plans  and  will  get  a  little  sad  when  people  cancel  on  her  ,  but  she’s  still  going  to  find  a  way  to  enjoy  herself  .

does  not  take  authority  seriously  and  she  can  be  seen  making  a  jerking  off  motion  whenever  someone  kisses  up  to  those  of  authority  .  talks  shit  ,  but  backs  it  up  because  if  you’re  bold  enough  to  talk  shit  you  might  get  hit  ,  right  ?  

she’s  a  sultry  bitch  and  she  loves  it  .  give  her  the  chance  and  she’ll  flirt  with  a  tree  ,  she’ll  flirt  with  a  plant  ,  and  she  might  flirt  with  your  significant  other  .  she  can  get  kinda  lewd  and  will  say  something  really  off - beat  ,  and  honestly  shut  her  up  if  you  do  .

the  epitome  of  a  gen - z  /  millennial  line  straddler  as  she  can’t  walk  past  a  mirror  without  taking  pictures  of  herself  .  sickeningly  vain  as  she  takes  pictures  at  any  chance  she  can  like  after  getting  her  hair  and  makeup  done  or  even  when  she’s  out  and  about  shopping  .    

iii. headcanons  .

jimin  is  quite  chaotic  and  she  does  not  hold  back  from  it !  she’s  a  pot  stirrer  ,  and  she’ll  watch  everything  unfold  as  if  she  wasn’t  the  one  to  start  the  problems  in  the  first  place  .  not  afraid  to  spread  a  rumor  or  putting  a  trolling  instagram  comment  on  one  of  her  posts  on  blast .  she  likes  to  be  petty  ,  but  she  can  back  it  up  ( but  it’s  NOT  fat  enough  😔 )  .  

her  style  is  vastly  different  than  what’s  expected  .  on  stage  ,  i  would  think  her  style  is  something  akin  to  kpop  stage  outfits  ,  but  not  necessarily  as  tame  .  she’s  not  afraid  to  show  skin  so  there’s  a  lot  of  embellished  leotards  and  heels  ,  dramatic  eye  makeup  and  perfectly  styled  hair  .  off  stage  ,  she  likes  a  relaxed  but  high - end  style  .  lots  of  denim  ,  lots  of  black  ,  loves  oversized  pieces  ,  but  she  loves  to  follow  trends  where  she  can  .

loves  to  yoga  ,  pilates  ,  and  anything  else  that  doesn’t  involve  having  to  go  to  an  actual  gym  .  she  especially love aerial  yoga  as  it  keeps  her  flexible  as  a  dancer  .

miss  jennie  didn’t  let  us  enjoy  it  long  enough  ,  but  jimin’s  hair  is  canon  to  jennie’s  blonde  pieces  ! she’ll  switch  up  the  color  every  so  often  with  temporary  dyes  ,  but  other  than  that  ,  it’s  usually  always  blonde  !

she  doesn’t  drink  st*rbucks  so  don’t  ask  her  to  go  ,  and  she  especially  doesn’t  go  because  she  likes  very  simple  coffee  drinks  .

iv.  wanted  connections  .

give  me  everything  ,  please  !  i’d  love  some  of  the  basics  like  former  friends  ,  best  friends  ,  industry  rivals  ,  friends  with  benefits  ,  confidant(s)  ,  frenemies  ,  good / bad  influences  ,  one  night  stand(s)  ,  enemies  with  benefits  ,  or  a  current  or  ex  fling  !

because  i  love  my  women  loving  women  ,  hand  over  the  ex  girlfriend  !  in  my  head  i’m  thinking  that  they  were  a  really  happy  couple  and  they  were  really  good  to  one  another  ,  but  they  drifted  apart  .  they  remain  good  friends  and  people  probably  think  there’s  still  feelings  because  they  can  be  rather  touchy  feely  with  one  another  (  👀 )  .

ifykyk  ....  but  i  love  angst  !  i  love  to  have  my  heart  ripped  right  out  of  my  chest  so  give  me  angst  in  any  form  :  angsty  friends ,  exes  ,  anything  !  

a  couple  who  are  stuck  in  a  limbo  !  they  have  yet  to  make  it  past  the  point  of  friends  ,   wondering  if  they’re  just  a  hookup  to  one  another  would  there  could  potentially  be  more  .  they  probably  fight  a  lot  because  of  those  underlying  feelings  ,  but  it  could  be  interesting  to  explore  either  way  !

give  me  enemies  !  and  not  for  fake  but  two  people  who  genuinely  dislike  one  another  .  it’s  not  surprising  for  jimin  to  not  get  along  with  a  lot  of  people  considering  the  fact  that  she’s  not  ...  the  nicest  ,  and  i’m  not  entirely  sure  as  to  why  they’d  dislike  each  other  ,  but  it  could  be  so  much  thank  u  KFJDFDS  .

give  me  the  heartbreak  that  still  lingers  i  will  sell  you  my  SOUL  .  maybe  their  relationship  was  good  ,  or  it  was  a  mess  KNFJD  ,  but  but  when  they  broke  up  they  haven’t  fully  gotten  over  it  yet  ?  probably  a  lot  of  lingering  looks  ,  and  giving  compliments  but  they’re  kinda  awkward  because  they  don’t  know  how  to  approach  each  other  sometimes  .

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRH Book 1 Chapter 7

• More YEEHAW with a dash of bachelorette action, a sprinkle of rollin'-in-the-hay (literally) and one big dollop of "oh we're poor" to set up for next week's chapter.

• Screenshot credits:

Hana: @pixieferry

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and BizzysChoices YouTube channel (@thefirstcourtesan also sent screenshots for Penelope's dancing scene from her Liam MC playthrough).

Maxwell: @thethots-plicken

• These are the tags you can block if you don’t want to see these posts: #long post, #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs.

• This is the only chapter that could potentially have no men in it, and you deliberately force the focus away from Hana? Now if that doesn't sound like the TRR writing team then I don't know what does.

• Why is Madeleine here? Go climb a pine tree in Fydelia or something.

• If you're going to give Drake a whole extended family, PB, at least get the family straight? Who is Leona, is she Bianca's sister? Jackson's sister? WHOSE SISTER IS SHE.

• Title: A Night Out In the Town

Alternative Title: The Mandatory Annual Courtly Maidens Meetup

Alternative to the Alternative Title: Hana Lee and the Audacity of this Bitch

(you know which one)

• This chapter works mostly for the nostalgia factor. There's plenty of it in these scenes.

• Bachelor parties and bachelorettes have pretty much been a long-standing tradition in TRR - there's always going to be that one chapter where someone gets a sendoff via a wild party (exactly how wild really depends on whoever is throwing it). The MC meets most of the original gang (except Hana) at Liam's bachelor party, and there have been at least 5 bachelor/bachelorette parties in the series so far (counting this one). I won't be surprised if they gave Penelope a dude in TRR Book 3 just for the express purpose of having another excuse to have another bachelorette party next book.

• The one really good thing about this chapter? It's that Hana will not stand for any nonsense from Madeleine:

She's not going to pretend Madeleine deserves to hold any space among her circle of friends, or even of acquaintances. She's not going to allow Madeleine to get away with not following the rules of an event she's planned, not when Madeleine failed to show the same courtesy to women in her court. If Madeleine insists on badgering the MC about her 'pregnancy', Hana is here to defend you. The message is loud and clear. This is Hana Lee's show, she is running it, and if you can't listen to what she says you can fall on a cactus.

• I only wish we were able to give her the kind of loyalty and protection from Madeleine, that Hana deserved. She did not deserve for us to allow the bullying done to her, to be brushed aside as a hazing ritual. Hell, even while knowing what Madeleine did to her, we didn't even get to check up on her.

Hana did not deserve for us to pretend that never happened to her, and she definitely did not deserve to have her own pain be treated over and over in the narrative like it didn't matter. Even now, her no-nonsense behaviour is rooted firmly in her concern for other people, like the MC and Savannah. Why can't the team ever allow Hana to do this for herself? Why can't the other characters ever step in to defend her the same way? Why am I allowed to (optionally) coddle Penelope twice in today's chapter in a way I never can for Hana?? Why should Hana always be the one protecting but hardly ever the one protected??

• So the ladies of the court have arrived, leaving a puzzled Bianca and a perpetually pissed-off Leona in their wake. Hana explains the situation: she invited Kiara, Olivia and Penelope along. Madeleine invited herself for the sole purpose of being nosy.

• ...in what universe is Madeleine a "public relations angel". Have you SEEN how badly you did your own job the last book??

• Olivia and Madeleine can't last two minutes without sniping at each other and this makes Savannah sad (not that they care, they're enjoying the back-and-forth banter) The MC elicits a promise from the two that Olivia will not stab Madeleine, and Madeleine will not "mentally and emotionally break Olivia". What's with Madeleine and constantly wanting to break people?

• Also you really think you can emotionally break Olivia??? She's from Lythikos, you pineapple!

• Hana mentions shopping to Bianca and Leona, and we have yet another hint that all is not well at the ranch.

• The ladies change at a store nearby, to outfits that suit the rustic theme for the event. Which means Savannah gets the opportunity to dress a little more glam on this day, and the ladies of the court get to dress down a bit. Well...except for Olivia, who prefers to change into her red Coronation gown. Here are the girls in order of preference:

Okay first off - I have to say this - FULL BODY SPRITES FOR THE LADIES FINALLY OMG!!! It's the first time I'm actually seeing them all like this: the last time we managed to see a change of outfits was when we had to choose their outfits for the wedding, and even then only the half-body sprites were used. The fact that we never get to see Olivia in a different outfit kind of makes me feel like they might be saving her sprite for a bigger diamond scene? Idk.

• Also how did no one either notice nor point out that Olivia was still wearing a gown?

• Hana stays in the outfit she wore the previous day, and you get to choose whether she keeps the hat or not. The denim short skirt and brown shrug is a lovely outfit on Kiara, and I like the necklace Penelope has on. I think my favourite is Savannah's? I love the rhinestones, the embellished belt, the flower design, and it's a beautiful silver colour that compliments Savannah's skin tone.

• Savannah may annoy the hell out of me but one thing you can't deny about her is she's HELLA fashionable (remember the Drake engagement scene where he says the lavender coloured dress was her choice? That dress was super pretty).

• The MC wearing gold for bachelorettes is kind of a theme with her now lol. Started with the gold theme for Madeleine's bachelorette, then a theme where she wore gold and everyone else was supposed to wear black for her own, and now every going country - but she and Savannah get to bring on the bling.

(Fun Fact: Both Madeleine's and Savannah's bachelorettes take place in Chapter 7 of their respective books, with very different outcomes)

• Our first stop after the country makeover is the bar! Which is Hana's choice, because she is the kind of lovely, wholesome human being who will fully commit to research for her friend's sister's bachelorette party.

Why are you lying Hana.

• So the MC helps Hana out first my selecting drinks. You have 5 options to choose from: beer, cocktails, champagne, one of those fire drinks, and sparkling water. Savannah is doubtful and then excited to try the fire drinks, loves fruity cocktails and enjoys the bubbly. Olivia is impressed when Savannah chugs her fire drink. Kiara is amazed at the sight of beer coming in bottles. Penelope is disappointed if we decide to order a very tame sparkling water. Madeleine raises her eyebrows if you try to take anything even remotely alcoholic because she has already decreed you pregnant.

• Next stop: dancing! You get to choose which lady you'd like to dance with, and if you're romancing Hana this opens up to a romantic scene!

Hana: is happy and enthusiastic if you're friends, whoops and giggles as you spin her. More slow dancing happening if you're married to her...definitely more romantic.

Kiara: is nervous at first because she doesn't know "the social mores of this establishment", but when the MC reassures her that no one cares, she lets go of her inhibitions and shakes her hips, enjoying herself.

Olivia: very competitive, is confident she can dance circles around the MC, starts doing martial arts instead. Savannah reminds her it's not a duel and Olivia's like "EVERYTHING'S A DUEL". I should take her to Kerala and have her learn kalaripayattu 😁 (also I'd be interested in seeing a three-way dance battle between Hana, Maxwell and Olivia plsthnx).

Savannah: Also enthusiastic and excited, v much the 'happy bride'. Both Savannah and the MC are comfortable in this setting.

Penelope: This comes with a reference to her social anxiety, because her initial nervousness has to do with the crowds. The MC makes space for her through dancing, and she winds up having fun while still feeling comfortable. Madeleine tries to make a smart-alec comment but pretty much no one gives a shit about her so it's okay.

Madeleine: does not exist.

• After this, Savannah shows the girls how to do a Texas Two-Step, which is baffling to them. Hana gets it down in like two minutes, and the MC depending on options can either do it perfectly, go off-beat then claim she created her own trend lol, or trip over herself and hurt her feet, following which Hana assumes she is doing the robot, and does it alongside her. Apparently she learned it during a summer class she took while her embroidery instructor was sick.

• I don't get it, what's with all these random embroidery references they keep throwing at Hana these days.

• Olivia and Kiki are still baffled by the two-step dance, so Savannah recommends more drinking! Madeleine and Olivia are competitive with each other and loving it, and Penelope and Kiara are confused about how they're supposed to drink tequila. The MC gets to show them how it's done. She can either do it right (pour the salt, drink the shot, suck the lime), or get it wrong (pour the shot, suck the salt, drink the lime). The highlight of this is definitely the last one (pour the salt, drink the salt, suck the salt!). Like, the MC actually tips the contents of an entire salt shaker into her mouth! Failplay MC is the very definition of chaotic energy.

• Kiki, like the awesome friend she is, asks Savannah if she'd like to flirt or do anything hot-guy-related, which Savannah laughs and refuses. The topic then comes around to her relationship with Bertrand and his insecurities regarding Chuck. She says she barely had a thing with him but she's afraid Bertrand might do something stupid (he might, actually). The MC can choose to reassure her.

• I don't get it like...okay? Why am I the one you're telling this to rather than your own fiancé? If he's the one having the insecurities, and you know they're there, what are you doing to alleviate that? I mean as far as I can see your aunt is pretty much dragging him the whole time for not magically acquiring ranch skills and I hardly see you even talking about that. I don't see you actually trying to talk to him. So why tell me all these things - go tell him and sort it out yourself.

• Because Savannah speaks about wanting a happy family in the wake of this conversation, the topic then returns to that of the MC's ongoing attempts to get pregnant.

• Madeleine is a nosy, entitled piece of shit. She just is. Raises her eyebrows at me when I'm drinking, makes terrible apple puns for a fetus that probably isn't even there yet, comes for a trip she's not even been fucking invited to so she can poke her entitled nose into my business. Even her show of 'sympathy' revolves around her and her problems. All this while she acts like a martyr for following a dress code (remember how she dragged Penelope for not getting a metallic dress on time and 'ruining' her dress code, but came to our bachelorette making excuses for not following our dress code?). I'm glad Hana was having none of it at least now.

The only differences between this scene in a Hana playthrough vs in the others is that Hana tries to get Madeleine to stop before the MC gets to give her answer ("Madeleine, please..."), and that she reacts sadly to the MC if she chooses to be openly sad about it.

• ...so the scene in the hotel in Chapter 5 (where the MC and Hana could talk about what Dr Ramirez said, if Hana was your LI) always had a "there, we spoke about it, now shut up" feel to me. Because now they've given the MC a voice regarding how she feels about this pregnancy (we can either deem it invasive, speak normally about it or be very, very sad and spill out how disappointed we are. The last option's dialogues is the one I put up).

It's surreal...to see an MC who can say this openly while Hana's condition and how it's affecting her is barely even addressed. It's even more surreal that even now we're still coddling Penelope to the high heavens, and how a lot of aggressive importance is still given to Olivia, while still ignoring what could be happening to Hana if she's married...or making even a chapter that has potentially no men in it about literally anyone but her.

• The nice thing is Savannah is quite supportive in all three options. Olivia diffuses the tension/seriousness by suggesting we have more drinks.

• Aha! Queen Amalas.

• So she claims she came down not to pressurize us into anything but to see the MC in an environment outside of the palace/estate and court, including how she behaves with other people. She has no friends but treats her servants well (and apparently tipped her waiter a thousand). But the little bits she adds in about our origins can be a little unnerving. While offering a Sarzac she mentions our home state New York and asks if we'd prefer a Manhattan, and suggests we would know about how important a good tip is since we worked as a waitress. The MC's reactions can range between friendly, curious or accusatory. Overall the general impression is that she's mysterious and alluring, but there's something about her that spells danger.

This is me rn:

• Anyway...so we leave with our drinks, and join the girls. Penelope is drunk and talking to a mechanical bull, Kiara is drunk and trying really hard to talk country to the same bull. Savannah deeply (I'm kidding) regrets not returning Kiara's kindness in teaching her French by teaching her American English, coz it would have saved her this moment of cringing in a bar rn.

• They raise a toast to either Savannah, or friendship, or "putting the past behind us". I don't want to raise a toast to any of these options.

• Savannah is emotional and speaks of how hard it was to fit in and how much she missed Cordonia and the people she knew in court when she was away bringing up Bartie, and how the MC "changed all that" (how??? Again, a lot of what she does is optional, not default! Plus a bulk of the work of finding her went to her own brother, and later a fumbling Bertrand - not the MC unless she really chose to help. My MC Esther gets these dialogues despite not bothering to help Savannah in any way) and how she is now friends with all of them.

• Diamond scene! The ladies of the court have never had sleepovers (for various reasons), so MC-who-had-a-way-more-normal-life to the rescue!

• We start off with a drink. Three are on offer and we get to choose one: Hana's special Hot Chocolate recipe ("like drinking a minty chocolaty hug"), Olivia's Lythikos Nog ("like drinking a buttery, spiced cloud") or the traditional Walker Hot Toddies from Savannah (basically hot water and whiskey made with lemon, honey and spices).

• Once that's out of the way, we start off with, as the MC calls it, "gossiping about our love lives". Penelope is asked first, and she gets to tell us about her ongoing relationship with Kiara's brother Ezekiel. Olivia is next, and depending on your choices she can openly speak about the fact that Liam didn't choose her, twice, and how she needs to move on. She can also choose not to talk about it if the MC tells the other ladies of the court to back off (which is funny, because the whole thing was her idea to begin with). There's not a lot of change to this dialogue in all the playthroughs, except for mentions of whether Liam was engaged to the MC or not.

• After this, the MC can choose to ask either Madeleine or Kiara the same question:

- Madeleine is defensive and reminds the MC that she "interfered" with her relationship status (wasn't even much of a relationship to begin with), but eventually makes it known that she doesn't believe in "sappy romance" and would rather marry to benefit her house or country instead (nice save there, PB).

- Kiara is surprised and fumbles with her answers, speaking at first about how busy her life currently is. But eventually she does tell you she has a type. The dialogue differs depending on whether the MC is married to Drake or not:

(Screenshots on the left are from my playthrough, and the ones on the right are from @thefirstcourtesan's Drake playthrough).

...I look at Madeleine's dialogue in this scene and need to remind myself that even broken clocks can be right twice a day.

• Repeat after me, Kiki: I deserve way better than a dude who might throw me under the bus just so he can kiss a Duchess' ass.

• Also most guys in Cordonia must have rippling abs, right. Considering that 90% of the male LIs in PB have six-pack abs.

• Interestingly, Olivia is allowed her feelings - and the confusion and mess that comes along with loving someone and not having that love returned - across playthroughs, but Kiara's has to be adjusted and shrouded in vagueness according to which MC she is speaking to. There are two factors at play there:

1. More often than not the narrative has taken Olivia's feelings more seriously than it has ever taken Kiara's. Of course part of it could be the childhood memories and the amount of time she spent with Liam, but we need to remember that the general attitude in the narrative towards Kiara's feelings constantly bordered on dismissiveness - and that wasn't even the worst of the treatment meted out to her.

2. Have you seen the amount of hate Kiara got from some Drake stans for as little as looking in the man's direction?? They'd tear her apart if she dared to even mention her crush in a Drake MC's playthrough!

• The ladies of the court now want to play literally anything else, so the MC pulls out the tried-and-tested Truth and Dare game out of her fancy cowboy hat. Here's the way it goes:

- The MC nominates Savannah, since she's the bride-to-be. Savannah goes for dare, and has to go by a nickname for the rest of the night (default: Bridechilla. I was really craving something so I went for Fried Chicken 🤣), or pose for a sexy photo which she can text to Bertrand. No response, but you can hear him faint upstairs. When asked to nominate someone, she nominates Penelope to ask a question.

- Penelope chooses Kiara, who picks 'truth'. She makes the MC choose for her instead. The MC does what the Choices universe calls a Wed, Bed or Dead which is really a way of saying FMK without having to write the F. You can give her an option between three women (Olivia, Penelope and Madeleine) or three men. Based on your playthrough, Kiara's list of men will vary (Liam, Maxwell and Bastien in a Drake playthrough, and Bradshaw, Bastien and Drake in other playthroughs). Her 'bed's are Olivia, Maxwell and Bastien, her 'wed's are Penelope (obviously), Liam (to be Queen) and Drake (also obviously), and her 'dead's are Madeleine (but obviously), Bastien and Bradshaw (coz CORDONIA RULEZ!). It's interesting to note that Kiara seems surprised/shocked by the idea when you ask her to choose between the girls, and Hana eases her into it by stating that they're all friends here. Which I found really sweet. Kiara then nominates Madeleine to choose someone.

(note: why is Savannah acting so shocked about Kiara choosing her brother for 'marry' when she spoke about liking him barely ten minutes ago???)

- Madeleine chooses Olivia, hoping to wriggle out any information about the mysterious mission Olivia seems to be on. Olivia cleverly tricks her, by reminding Madeleine that she didn't say truth or dare, and picking dare. With no option she asks Olivia to prank call someone. Olivia has three options:

1. Give Maxwell a phone call pretending to have tickets for a Celine Dion concert. He has to choose the best noble house. Sweet Maxwell cannot choose between his own house and ours, but loses out because the correct answer (obviously) is House Nevrakis lol. Savannah's best line comes from here: "Don't worry, his heart will go on" 🤣

2. Give Bertrand a call claiming to be a representative from the Cordonia Philharmonic Orchestra, and Olivia asks the same question to him. His answer is House Beaumont, without question, and Olivia gives him the same answer. The nice thing about this option is that it's coded such that if you chose Savannah's 'sexy photo' option, the narrative mentions that his voice is 'woozy' and he sounds like he recently came back to consciousness. Whereas if you chose the nickname option, these lines would not be included.

3. Give Drake a call claiming to be from a "secret whiskey enthusiast society". Drake somehow figures out that the caller is Olivia, thus leaving her very, very annoyed.

Once this is done, Madeleine nominates the MC, who chooses truth or dare instead of a person like the others did. Hana makes the suggestions this time.

If you choose dare to a single Hana, she asks you to pretend to lasso Savannah.

If you choose dare to a married Hana, she will ask you to kiss her.

If you choose truth, she asks you what law you'd pass if you had a chance, and you have to choose between a serious one like "restrictions on paparazzi", or jokey ones like naming a day after the MC or getting fancy hats from her subjects. The last one yields this adorable exchange:

- Before we can go any further, the girls notice Savannah feeling drowsy and decide to call it a night. The only people who have basically not been asked anything are Penelope (but she already did get to speak about her beau) and Hana (because no one bothers to ask her anything, she isn't even nominated).

• We return to the kitchen, where our LI is waiting for us. The MC tells them about the visit from Amalas, which the LI also views as suspicious, and the MC has a choice again in how she wants to react to this (the visit was invasive, she is impressed with Amalas' guts, she doesn't know what to make of her). They assure the MC that they'll alert the Walkers.

• LI Diamond scene! A cute scene at the hayloft where the MC and LI can have some private time away from the ranch. Those walls must be paper-thin. The first half deals with the couple talking about loving this glimpse of simplicity, and the second half has the MC choosing how she would have them seduce her. The closing bit mostly has the couple talking about how they feel at home with each other no matter where they are.

Liam: Gets a bit of a hero moment at the start of the scene, where a stray beam almost falls on the MC and he catches it. They joke about a couple of things, such as how 'adventurous' the barn is, and whether or not a rendezvous in a barn would qualify as being in the 'outdoors' 😂 In the second half of the scene, the MC can choose between a 'rough-and-tumble', or have Liam sleep with her in his usual tender way. He clearly has a preference for the second, but is more than game if the MC wants to try the first.

The music for Liam's scene, for some reason, is different (his background score for the first half is the romantic one from High School Story, and Drake's and Hana's is the romantic one from Big Sky Country. I'm not sure what Maxwell's is like because I have only seen screenshots of the scene) and he is the only LI who gets the option to keep his hat.

Ending Caption: Hay-pilly Ever After

Hana: The MC notices that Hana seems happy and at home at the ranch, and Hana points out how different the environment of the countryside ("cows outside, open air, no display cupboards") is so different from her home, where "there's gilt on the walls and silver in the display cupboards", and how she loves this space. The couple imagine together how it might have been if they met in a more humble setting (with the MC as a cowgirl and Hana as a salon owner), and how they would fall in love. In the second half, Hana expresses her desire to go a little wild, and the MC can choose between having her hands bound, or being blindfolded.

This scene tells us that Hana does an amazing impression of a Southern accent and I personally would love it if she could coach Kiara on doing one xD

Ending Caption: Country Courting

Maxwell: As he leads her to the loft, the MC has the option to point out that they have a bed, to which he quips that she's obviously not had as much camping experience as he does. They do a little dance in the barn, and they admit that they missed each other while she was gone. In the second half of the scene, the MC has the opportunity to tease Maxwell, beckoning him to chase her around the barn and catch her. I think he also tells her to "use your words" at one point.

I think this scene has the cutest ending, because they both have an impromptu yodelling duet after that.

Ending Caption: Oh, Darlin'

Drake: This scene is more nostalgic in nature because Drake is reliving his childhood, and admits that he didn't know how this trip back would turn out, or feel. He had no idea how different everything would be, nor what his emotions returning to the ranch would be like - and which Valtoria will always be home to him in some ways, the ranch's simple charm means something special to him. The couple can imagine this place to be either perfect for romance, or for bringing back their future children. In the second half of the scene, he confesses to fantasizing about the MC in the palace stables, and the couple indulge in a bit of role play. This also includes an option to take her against a wall.

The end of the scene has Drake tell the MC that being with her itself feels like a fantasy, one that sometimes still feels too good to be true....and therefore he never wants to take it for granted.

Ending Caption: Making Hay.

• We then see the couple going downstairs the next morning, where the MC manages to overhear a conversation between Leona and Bianca that indicates the ranch has no helpers before an auction that is supposed to bring in money for the wedding, and is in deep, deep trouble.

• So our next chapter will probably involve the people of the court working together to help save the ranch, perhaps some flashbacks? Idk. And perhaps because of their contributions, Leona may thaw a little. Who knows.

General Thoughts:

• Plenty of callbacks this chapter!!

- The bachelorette party itself has plenty parallels and could almost be seen as an inverse of Madeleine's bachelorette. Back then, the ladies of the court each began to express frustration and hurt at her controlling, bullying behaviour, Hana's confidence was left in tatters, Olivia was an outsider to the court not bound by their rules.

Here, Madeleine is a largely unwanted presence and pretty much everyone makes it clear that what she thinks no longer matters. Hana is at the peak of her confidence here. She makes it clear that if Madeleine wants to stay she has to follow their rules. Olivia still manifests as a mysterious outside figure, but more out of choice than out of necessity.

- The other indicator of this parallel is what Amalas tells the MC about wanting to know who she is dealing with. She mentions that she wants to see how the MC interacts with her "friends and servants", and it kind of gets me wondering just how much trouble Madeleine would have been in if a figure like Amalas managed to see her behaviour in Italy with courtiers like Penelope and Hana.

- The fire drink which the MC can optionally suggest for both Drake and Savannah to drink. Drake drinks it in a competitive spirit in his birthday party scene in Book 1, Savannah looks doubtful at first but sees it through, to which the MC will remark that "your brother would be proud".

- Savannah mentioning Bertrand giving someone at Cordonia Philharmonic Orchestra a "severe tongue lashing" 🤣 Which kinda was a term Bertrand used for himself in Book 2.

- Lady 'I didn't know I could dance until I actually did it' Kiara. In Book 2 Hana can compliment Kiara on her dancing skills, to which Kiara laughs and mentions that she had no idea she could dance either. She was super drunk back then, now she knows it while she's sober too! 😅

- Some bits in this chapter remind me of our time with the Beaumonts in Book 1? Like the scene where Penelope speaks to the mechanical bull while drunk, while kiiiinda resembles her drunken behaviour at the Beaumont Bash. Also the whole situation of helpers/staff dropping off at the last minute seems a little parallel to what happened twice to the Beaumonts? Once with the MC's boat and then with the Beaumont Bash to host the court. I kinda find that interesting because Bertrand has been in a similar situation and hopefully could feel...somewhat...useful? If he can manage to string more words together, that is.

- Hana daring her wife to kiss her during Truth and Dare, which is (if you bought that scene and actually picked that option) exactly how their first kiss happened 😁😁😁

• I kinda like it when we have chapters like these where the women of the court have a chapter to themselves, because the dynamics are fun and the women are all different in ways that tend to complement each other.

• Honestly, Savannah asking my MC to become her maid of honour was pretty jarring considering my MC doesn't care a single bit about her and has honestly done very very little (if at all) to help her. I mean I can kiiiiinda understand if the MC is her sister-in-law/future SIL via Drake or Maxwell maybe...but otherwise why couldn't Kiara be an option? How is it that Savannah mentions her struggles to fit in, yet Kiara genuinely helping her never even features? Not even once?

I honestly think that Kiara could have been as good a choice to be MoH - we could have either coded it based on our diamond choices with Savannah, or split it between MC for Drake and Maxwell stans, and Kiki for Hana and Liam stans. Or at least more of an acknowledgement of how they were friends before she left? Beyond an offhand "oh yeah you taught me French, not like that helped me in that completely foreign place where I was bringing up my baby, maybe I should have taught you to speak country". Because having Savannah give me a grand speech about how amazing I've been to her was nothing short of weird and it would have felt a lot more natural to see her at least remembering the friendship(s) she did make in court.

• In at least two points in the chapter, Penelope requires someone to handhold her into certain things. You have to create the space for her while dancing. You have to decide on what questions to ask Kiara coz Penelope doesn't want to decide those herself. I'd actually be glad about their commitment to writing her that way, if I didn't understand how much they've let Penelope get away with, and how much other characters in similar positions have to suffer because the same amount of thought is never given to them.

The failplay I did of all three books brought up a couple interesting (but also disheartening) points about how they dealt with Penelope's condition, and how they dealt with difficult situations other characters had to go through (esp Kiara and Hana). At this point Penelope just sounds extremely entitled to good treatment, without wanting to really give back much in return.

• Kiara...well...I love her in this. She was fun, tried new things out, got out of her comfort zone, and she had some marvellous lines in this chapter. I just think it's funny how huge the differences between the way Olivia's feelings are acknowledged regardless vs the way Kiara's can only be acknowledged if it doesn't affect the MC...and it kind of says something about how those feelings are viewed by those writers. Because as a reader who has been following this story thread closesly, I know the writers have either conveniently forgotten - or take very lightly - how shitty Drake has been to her.

• I mean...had it been just about him not being interested, I probably wouldn't have cared much. I would have either turned to fanfic to change that around a bit, that's something you can always do for a pair you want to see but know you can't in canon. But realizing that the man could openly suspect a woman he knew was stabbed at the same event he was shot, optionally pander to the MC's whims and dismiss what she was going through in the process, and to not feel any fucking remorse for it...I mean, Kiara doesn't deserve better just because Drake doesn't isn't interested in her - because no one should have to be obligated to show interest for another person...Kiara deserves better because this man has done very little for her in their few exchanges (esp Book 3) besides ridicule, mock, act rudely and unfairly to her, and finally getting away with the worst possible behaviour without any consequence (some of it is optional, but the suspicion was definitely default). And I know the writing will never admit that because Drake is their golden boy.

• Madeleine causes minimal damage this time and Hana totally owned her a couple times today...so I'm kinda happy with that. At least they made sure never to bring back any hints of that story they were planning with her for Hana...if there is one thing I'm only too happy they are retconning, it's that!

• Speaking of Hana - there are maybe a couple of things I'm happy about and a lot that I'm not. I like that that she can throw shade (though I wish to God they would have let her do it much earlier) at Madeleine, and my favourite bits involve Hana not allowing that woman to get away with shit that she never allowed other people to get away with when she was in power.

But there's also the fact that she's pretty much treated like the least important person in that room? Like I would have personally loved to see her be asked a cute fun question. I mean, by now both Liam and Drake have gotten individual character scenes, and I only get to see Hana in the context of a group scene with the ladies where she is mostly helping the others? I loved that we got the barn scene afterwards...but let's be honest the barn scene was mostly about the sex.

I honestly just found it weird that the one chapter with (optionally) no men in it still couldn't have some focus on her, or much effort put into her. Is asking for more than scraps for her, too much to ask for? (I feel like the answer to that would be yes).

• Olivia is upto something, and the livestream apparently hinted at her being important to the story. I mean what's new about that? Olivia is a favourite of the writers and they will continue to favour her while Hana is still relegated to the sidelines (and so will a huge chunk of this fandom). No lie, I really like Olivia, but why the heck aren't you giving the lone female LI that much attention?

• I also wonder how much of her mysterious work has to do with the reading up she was telling us about in the last book's epilogue.

• Queen Amalas...I still don't know what to make of her - she's a pretty interesting mix of intrigue and invasiveness I think. She's flirty and teasing, but the way she slipped in those tidbits about our past definitely raised my hackles a little bit. Could be a red herring...could be more. Who knows.

• The Olivia and Madeleine dynamics were great...Kiara is still an awesome, encouraging friend to Penelope, but for me the highlight was Hana and Kiara's bonding (that exchange about hats definitely was a winner).

(Is part of my joy because I ship them? Yes. Yes it is. You can pry that ship outta my cold dead hands PB!)

• The barn scene was lovely: it was nice that the couples got to explore their more adventurous/homely sides in the first half of the scene, and were able to go completely wild for the second half of it. I think it's nice we got to see what they'd mostly like to experiment with in bed from time to time.

• I guess that's all for this chapter. Texas might possibly take a week or two more? Idk. Let's see. Rescuing the ranch may take a chapter, and so will the wedding...there may be one in between probably to figure out BertVannah's relationship but I'm not going to spend diamonds to make them talk to each other, no.

• I kinda like the subtle shift to childhood experiences to certain scenes in this book, because it gives the MC who doesn't know what the place is like for a child an idea of what the others had to grow up with...and therefore how she may need to approach her parenting. A number of the group scenes in this half of the book have had to do with childhood experiences the royals and nobles may have missed out on (pets, sleepovers) and the return-to-childhood narrative is a smart way to deal with that, I think.

• That's it for this chapter, guys! See you on Friday (hopefully) with a Book 1 QT, and next week with the next chapter!

[lydiaandarry]

{5 Fashion Items I Will Be Trying Out In 2019}

Hello there!

    My name is Arabella but you can call me Arry, if it’s easier. You may not know but I lost 20 pounds in 2018 and lost a lot of inches off my waist and hips. I was overweight at 160+ pounds and barely fit into a size 15 in jeans and an XL top. After Christmas and noticing how much weight I have gained through years of depression and binge-eating. I turned my life around and started exercising and eating healthier which I may make a post on. I am currently down to 140 pounds and fit into a size 10 in jeans and a Medium in tops. With that comes new confidence that I never knew that I had nor needed. So I am going to be trying a lot of new fashion items this year that are in trend or that I personally like. Yet I narrowed it down for five to save you some ear room. Let’s invade that topic!

(Berets)

    Okay, okay… I can hear my mother reading this and going, “You’re obsessed with berets!”. This isn’t exactly a new thing but I have to add berets because even though it’s not new. I feel like I have felt more confident in berets than before. If anyone knows me, knows that I love berets. I am just a hat person in general. So, it is really important to me that I add at least one hat item on this list. If you want a hat that comes in a wide range of colors, can basically go with every outfit, and add a bit of vintage flair along with some character. Berets are your hat best friend. And you don’t even have to hold up a Starbucks drink to make it better. In fact, berets are so in trend at the moment that they come in styles that suit various fashion styles such as vintage, preppy, punk, edgy and even goth. And I have actually worn a beret in Summer and I didn’t sweat nearly as much as I would with a beanie of some sort. So, you may even get to wear them with your summer outfits or bathing suit.

(Mock Necks)

     Mock necks are a trend that I have been pining after since everyone has been wearing them. They go with everything. They look cute. They are practical with every style. I think we see a pattern in my taste of fashion items. I don’t buy a lot of clothes so I like my items to be versatile and practical. I first wanted a mock-neck top when I watched Legion and saw Sydney Barrett (portrayed by the beautiful, Rachel Keller) wearing one. I mean, that is also why I love the combination of black and orange. But before I lost all this weight, I really felt that wearing mock-necks was near impossible for me because I had a very round face so I thought it would make my face super wide and unattractive. Since I have lost weight and my face has slimmed down a pretty good bit. I will now feel more comfortable in mock-necks and want to try them out. As you may see in my (5 Ways To Dress Similarly To Your Favorite Cartoon Character), I recommended a mock-neck for almost every single character. They’re great, they go with everything and you can even pair them under things. It’s my dream top.

(Fishnets)

     Okay, now this isn’t really a practical item because fishnets do not go with every style now. Or every outfit. Yet I love fishnets! I actually wore fishnets when I was in fourth grade, one time. Then they went out of style but they are back! You can wear a fishnet dress, a fishnet top, fishnet tights, you can wear a fishnet bodysuit if you want. Fishnets under tops, under dresses, under ripped jeans with the band showing if you wear a crop top. I want to embrace my inner Black Canary and be that bad of a bitch. I can’t say it enough as to how much I want to start wearing fishnets. Just fishnets. May I say more? Probably not. Onto the next one!

(Mini Skirts)

     There are three problem areas that I must face in order to feel confident. My stomach, my thighs and my face. My whole previous wardrobe included high-waisted jeans because I felt that it covered my stomach enough to make me look slimmer and to slim down my thighs. It was sad. So I am going to force myself out of my comfort zone a bit and try to wear mini skirts. I don’t know mini skirts just make you always look so sexy and they can go with any outfit. Again, practical! They can be pencil, flared, a-line, pleated. If you want to go for the schoolgirl look. I need to show off my legs more and this will have me do it, that’s for sure.

And the fifth one is… -drumroll-

(Leather Skirts)

    Everyone knows that leather skirts can either work for you or be the devil. Especially if you get one that’s a bit shiny and can show any pudge you may have for a stomach. I love the look of patent leather skirts and they can go with anything that may embrace my other, darker side. Or you can get a leather skirt in a more cutesy color like purple or pink. But… the fear is, that it may make you look 4 months pregnant at most. Yet I am going to kick my insecurities in the ass and try a leather skirt. Mostly because I want to embrace my inner X-Men Evolution Rogue who would totally wear a leather skirt.

       Those are five fashion items that I am going to be trying in 2019. Hopefully, the Fashion gods are in my favor and everything goes okay. I hope you enjoyed the post and feel free to follow our blog if you do for more! Also feel free to reblog and like! I post every Wednesday and Saturday! See you Wednesday! Peace out!

[bowiemonroee]

The Interview

 William Monroe has been ordered court-mandated therapy following a DWI and drug possession conviction. Here is his intake interview.

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?

What? Your cheap paper doesn’t have that information already? Christ. My name’s William Monroe but I never introduce myself as such or any variation. I go by Bowie and that’s it.

Where and when were you born?

Again, more information you should have. August 11th, 1994 in Manhattan.

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

My father, if you can call him that, is the CEO of Monroe Pharmaceutical. Yes, the same Monroe Pharmaceutical that charges you an exorbitant amount of money for your medications. My mother, Viviane Monroe is a socialite. Her wealth is from steel. They look like they have a perfect marriage but it’s far from it. He sleeps with his secretary and hookers and she downs Valium to keep that perky little smile up. They make it work. To be fair a divorce would not only harm their social credit but their financial standings as well. As parents, she’s better than he is. She can genuinely fake interest in our lives. He can’t be bothered. She owns her awfulness. He thinks he’s father of the year.

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Ugh, my fucking sisters. The middle one, she’s following in my mother’s footsteps. She’s a “classy philanthropist”, prim and proper. The good egg, if you will. A complete angel compared to me. So selfless and kind and blah blah blah. Give me a break. She only does that stuff because it makes her feel good about herself. Where’s the selflessness in that? You can’t complete acts of kindness for the gratitude and expect to still be a good person. She also drinks her daily three bottles of wine and complains about how father never came to her dance recitals. Give me a break. And then the youngest. Her life revolves around flowing trends and making them or whatever. She’s one of those girls on instagram posting about skinny fit tea and hairy gummy bears or whatever. Companies send her thousands of dollars in products in the hopes of getting attached to some stupid picture that’ll get thousand of mindless likes. probably all the attention she needs since father never gave it to her Their lives are both shallow and purposeless.

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

I live with my two dogs in a Penthouse apartment near One World Trade.

What is your occupation?

I’m a filmmaker, an artist.

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

What is this? A dating profile? I’m 6’0, 181 pounds, black hair, green, like a hipster Steve Jobs as my sisters would say, no tattoos, minor scars from falling as a child, no distinguishing marks. I’m boring. What can I say?

To which social class do you belong?

The polite answer is upper class. The real answer is “the richer than you” class.

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

I’m allergic to pollen and red dye #40. Well, red dye is more of intolerance but whatever. I still eat it because I’m not a little bitch. Physical weaknesses? I had a torn rotator cuff when I was younger but I still have pain in that shoulder.

Are you right- or left-handed?

I’m always right.

What do you have in your pockets?

Money, Black Card.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

I’m perfect.

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general?

Eck, I mean, I had everything I wanted, right? I’d sound like a complete scumbag if I said “oh, my childhood was sad because my parents weren’t there and they didn’t pay attention to me and I was raised by nannies and sent to a $13,000 summer camp every year instead. Poor me.” I’m sure you’d love to hear some sob story about how all of that lead me to using drugs for fun. Yeah, fuck that whiny shit. My childhood was great.

What is your earliest memory?

I don’t know how old I was probably old enough to read at least. I was at my Nana’s house and she was watching this film Festen or The Celebration by Thomas Vinterberg. I can’t recall what it was about the film but I fell in love with filmmaking in that moment.

How much schooling have you had?

I went to the Dalton School from K through 12. Then NYU for college…which hasn’t ended yet, but whatever. Perfection takes time.

Did you enjoy school?

Elementary to 12, eh. High School got interesting when I could take more visual art classes. College was better because once those well rounding core classes were done I could get to the good film classes.

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

I mean, good filmmaking isn’t taught. I can’t pinpoint where I learned things. It’s just stuff you see, like, then add to your repertoire. 

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

Role models? Please. Role models are pointless because people will always let you down.

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

As kids, my sisters and I were alright I suppose. As good as siblings can be. My father and I never really got along. I guess what the feminists are calling “toxic masculinity” was an issue with him. He didn’t think the arts was a place for a male. I was meant to run a business. Wear a suit. Manage over sheep. Blah blah blah. My mother, I tried. She tried. We cohabitate. It works. The only person I’d consider myself close with is Nana.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Oh for fucks sake, I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be what all little kids want to be. A doctor. A police officer. A firefighter. Then I grew up.

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

I liked art or rather, painting on the walls and floors, reading, making models and dioramas, causing trouble, having tantrums.

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

I was an extrovert. Very loud and talkative. Charming from what I’ve been told. I could talk my way out of trouble and into extra cookies, etc.

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

Of course I was popular. Throughout school, my best friend for a lack of a better word, was Edmond Hamilton. He was a good kid. Strong and a good listener. He was the bronze to my brains. His father was a senator and his mother a pediatric surgeon. His parents weren’t home much so we through a lot of parties at his house. He had this cousin too, Anthony. He wasn’t wealthy like the rest of us. The senator’s brother, Anthony’s father, had a gambling problem and his mother, a drinking problem. As a result, he just wanted to find people he felt he ‘belonged’ with. Well, of course we’d ues that to our advantage. We could usually convince Anthony to steal stuff for us, do our dirty work. Edmond’s a big wig hedge fund manager and Anthony’s in prison. In high school, I fucked around with Rei you know, just as something to do. I outright told her that but you know, I’m not responsible for her feelings. I also fucked around with Alana Kingsley too.

When and with whom was your first kiss?

I think I was 10, give or take, and it was with…what was her name? Victoria Calloway.

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

Mmm, a little personal aren’t we doc? Well, if you must know, I followed in the tradition of all the male Monroe’s before. On my 16th birthday, my father got an escort and that was that. I know what you’re thinking, how problematic it is. How a child that young can’t make a choice like that, yadayadayada. Save it. I’m fine.

PART 3: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

Neither. Both are ridiculous concepts. You can’t generalize yourself in that way. Do I have a brighter outlook on some experiences, sure. Grimmer on others. I’d say I’m more cynical than anything.

What is your greatest fear?

Why bother with fear? Fear is what you have when you think you can’t do something or that you’ll fail. I don’t do either of those things.

What are your religious views?

Religion is awesome. Think about it. The very few have the power over the masses all because they claim to be a voice for some divinity. How genius is that? They can control these people under the guise of a better afterlife? Sign me up to be the leader of that. That and also look at the drama it incites. How would you not love it. 

What are your political views?

I don’t care either way but I was raised Republican.

What are your views on sex?

It’s a fun necessity.

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

No, absolutely not. That’s just a ploy or something that society has made up in order to get people to marry and procreate in a specific set of parameters. It’s absolute bullshit.

What do you believe makes a successful life?

Realism. Being real will lead you to success. But then again, I’m also a chronic, pathological liar. But I’m real about the characters I develop.

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

I’m always honest.

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

I think comics are low art. I don’t know if that counts as a bias? And I think I’m smarter than everyone so that might be one too.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

I don’t put limits on myself.

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

Maybe my dogs but that’s about it. No one deserves my death.

PART 4: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

I’m polite to everyone however, our definitions tend to differ I suppose. My politeness is truth centered. I’m not going to sugar coat my words to spare your feelings. That wouldn’t help you grow as a person. All these people with thin skins need me.

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

Me, myself, and I. Should be self-explanatory.

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

If I have to pick someone, I’d say Lars Von Trier. Excellent filmmaker.

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

Eck, best friends. I try not to have friends like that because again, people let you down.

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.’

That’s a joke, right?

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

I love myself.

What do you look for in a potential lover?

I don’t look for potential lovers.

How close are you to your family?

I talk to my sisters at least once a week. My parents maybe once a month. About as close as oil and vinegar. We exist in the same salad dressing bottle but like never really together.

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

I mean, not that I know of but who’s really to say. I’d assume if I impregnated someone she’d probably try to sue me for child support or something. But as of right now, I don’t have any desire to have kids or a family for that matter. If we haven’t noticed by now, I’m selfish as fuck.

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

Rich probably. Or Mr. Franklin.

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

Rich, because it’s his job.

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

Probably my dogs, Benedict and Constance.

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

Declan Wentworth. That son of a bitch tried to embarrass me in front of the entire school by pulling my pants down during the student body elections. Jokes on him. Not only did I win president, which I didn’t even want because I was only running as a joke, but it made a rather good impression among the girls in our grade if you catch my drift.

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

I don’t argue. I state facts and people get butthurt. That’s not my issue.

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

I’m naturally charismatic, what do you think?

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

I wouldn’t say I particularly like it. I could go either way. But I do enjoy being in charge of them and making them do stuff so.

Do you care what others think of you?

Fuck no.

PART 5: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

Ugh, I hate this question. People always ask this when they don’t know what else to ask. As if what I like to do says a lot about who I am. Please.

What is your most treasured possession?

My Varicam, my Minolta.

What is your favorite color?

Black and I don’t care if that’s a shade.

What is your favorite food?

The Tomahawk Ribeye from Bowery Meat Company.

What, if anything, do you like to read?

Mostly things about cults or charismatic leaders.

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

I enjoy a good film, watching people argue, lying, etc.

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

All of the above and absolutely not. I’m no quitter.

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

Typically Saturday night? There’s no such thing for me. I’m either out gallivanting the city or throwing some sort of getting together at my place. 

What makes you laugh?

People falling.

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

The stupidity of others although I shouldn’t be surprised.

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

I’d go find some shit bar to sit in. Maybe cause a fight or something. Not between me and someone. Between two other people. It’d be interesting to watch.

How do you deal with stress?

Drugs.

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

Spontaneous.

What are your pet peeves?

Ignorance. Goody two shoes.

PART 6: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

Routine? I don’t believe in routines.

What is your greatest strength as a person?

Everything.

What is your greatest weakness?

Nothing. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Again, Nothing?

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

Extroverted.

Are you generally organized or messy?

Messy is a sign of weakness. I have no weaknesses.

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

Just three? Fine. Filmmaking, pissing people off, talking. There’s nothing I’m bad at so that question isn’t valid.

Do you like yourself?

No. I love myself.

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

I’m pretty accomplished right now so I’m good. Thanks. 

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Still rich. Still causing trouble.

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

In a blaze of glory probably. Something dramatic of course.

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

Have a final meal at Bowery Meat, do a fuck ton of coke, set my apartment on fire.

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

I don’t care if people remember me after I die. 

What three words best describe your personality?

Amazing. Perfect. Talented.

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

Again, Amazing, perfect, Talented.

[cries-and-sings]

88It is on fire, I’m on fire. I feel it in my extremeties. I feel my face flushed with, yo no se que, anxiety? Uncomfortable for sure. Panicky even. 

therapy day today. Unlike other days, it was more of a conversation. It was fine, though it felt a bit like i was paying someone to be my friend. lol. 

my fingers are so warm, my feet are burning too. the window is open. It’s almost comical, every past year, it’s been complaining that we don’t really get summers here. Well we skipped summer weather and went to a scorching hell. Trees burning, I’m burning up. A symptom of something that’s been a long time coming. But it’s here bitches, and no one gives a shit. 

There is no turning back now. A chunk of ice, the size of Florida, melted in teh Artic, in one day. flooding will be an issue, except for here, where everything will be burning up. 

I’ve always thought that my quality of life, as a woman of color, is better off in the present day. I think it was a gross over-simplification. For one, I wonder how much more majestic our surroundings would be. If nature is so beautiful now, I can’t imagine what it was like back then. Mi pueblito wouldn’t smell like burnt plastic. Water would be present, and there would be many birds full of chirp and color. The parakeets, I think it is my favorite childhood memory. That flock of flourescent lime green. Instead it is what it is. and the fish, I wouldn’t know that they existed, so i would never have seen them. Not that I’ve seen it for myself now, but i hear that someone’s dad’s dad said it used to be beautiful. to clarify, on a documentary a man talked about the drastic decrease in coral reef fish and biodiversity in the ocean in general. I think this was in some tropical island. I dono’t remember how young this man was, but it doesn’t matter because the result is the same and his perspective highlights how drastic the downward trend of oxygen depletion in general is. Well then let me throw another one at you, this same man, talks about how when he was a young boy, his father told him the same thing. How there were less fish than there used to be when he was a boy. And of course, wouldn’t you know it, the man’s father would tell him the same thing. 

I think I’m pretty mad, as an avid admirer of nature, that I will never be able to see it, not even in picture. Of course one could create a realistic image of what that would have looked like. But at the end of the day, it would just be all speculation, a guess. 

Global warming most likely began during the pre-industrial and industrial times, according to the internet. 

in my typical indecisive fashion, I can’t choose which period of time i would be better of in. 

Maybe I would’ve been happy in pre columbian times, though my existance wouldn’t even be possible. Why that infuriates me, I don’t know. I’m mized race, wether I like it or not. 

So I’ve digresed, the story of my family:

Dad- Short (5′4″ maybe 5′5 in his young days, his nose has a bit of a hook. He for the most part, took after his father. Beautiful thick black straight hair. Thick eyebrows, his teeth are virtually the same size. Small shovered teet. His eyes are wide, East Asian like almost. His parents, I imagine, were both short. 

His mother was born in Tixtla, Guerrero. A bigger town than where I and my father were born, which to me, is an isolated little town. I see now that that isn’e necessarily true, the isolated part. It is crazy to me that everyone knows everyone. I worry about incest lol. Eveolution fascinates me more that I realize, and the fact that the gene pool is small, you can see why one could worry. But again, me distraigo. I am proud of her lineage the most, because it would be the most native one. I was born in Native country and I am enamored with that culture. Not all of my antepasados are native to that area though. And they must’ve not have been good people. At least from the stories dad shares, they weren’t. The thing is, I don’t know arnything about my grandma, because I never interacted with her, i mean im sure i did if i was born in her home, but i remember all of my grandparents more than i remember her. Like i remember what she looked like, I just can’t remember even talking to her. And then there is the fact that I even existed, just at first though. I mean i can’t say for sure, but she was not happy about that my dad and mom got together. And she loved another little girl more. It’s fine though? Maybe, because I don’t remember being sad when she passed. I was afraid my father would be taken away from me, but not as sad about my grandma dying. I am still not super sad about it. I exaggerate it with dad, cause he loved his mom. But from what I heard, I was not her favorite. lol. I mean I’m sure she loved me some. and mom says she did apologize for the way that she treated her, so remorse or fear. quien sabe. y hasta le encargo a su hijo, her baby, that must’ve meant something.  

But her dad was a real prick. he left her mom, taking with him, a year’s harvests. What he did leave were a few hungry mouths. My dad hates the man. He would hate the fact that he would stop by my granparent’s place to get some mescal from my grandpa. Such a shameless man. I wonder what her mom’s name was, Lucina? I honestly don’t remember, I remember that I did know that when I was little. I wonder what her story was like. I have a picture of them though, so I know what they were like. Did dad know his great grandparents. Do most people know who their great grandparents were? about half of Americans know 1 or more of their granparents name. I wonder if that statistic is the same for Mexicans. 

On my grandpa’s side. His mother got around. Paternity quien sabe quien, dad knows, a Najera maybe? shit what are my granparent’s maternal last names? Well I know about her the most, becaus she lived with dads family. Story goes that her mom died when she was little, then her dad was a wealthy man, better to do at least. anyways he didn’t want to join the Mexican Revolution and ran and was able to hide for some time, but was eventually executed for it. I think dad told me the story of how that exactly unfolded, but I don’t remember it now. 

Anyways the girls were orphans, but she remembers her dad taking her to Chilpancingo, and she made it sound like she had been to Mexico City too. Which is huge, travel by horse would be insane. It’s crazy to believe that that was reality for most of humanity up until the last 150? years or so. thousands of years that was the norm, and now we fly,too. she sowed dresses, she saw a soldier shoot himself when he dropped his rifle from atop his horse and kill himself. Eran chismosos lo viejitos? who knows. Well then she was orphaned and she supported herself through sowing. She was white, her family was European, the last name, what was her last name? It just hit me that I do not know. but she did give my uncle a very italian name. but who was the man whose last name I carry. A missing puzzle piece.

Mom’s dad 

Mi hermoso viejito. The loving father I wish I had. The one that would curl his grandbabies up. Oh how I ache to be in his arms again. Mi viejito. His mother was either a prostitute or she got around. I wonder what her side of the story was. She was not a good looking woman. She looked like my grandpa with long hair. the features taht made her masculine, also made my hermoso such a handsome man. And that would be my poor chaparrita’s reason for pain many a time. His dad, who knows. I think his last name is his moms. My favorite tio uses that last name, why, who knows, in an attempt to rectify something that wasn’t supposed to be. MY uncle, the male version of my mom. it’s quite trippy to think about, groundbreaking realizations, truly lol. Oh and her mom, a living relic lol. An old woman with long hair, i don’t know her face as she was when i saw her last, or saw her in general. Did mom grow up with her there? was she always old?

I wonder what life was like, poverty after poverty. Were they even aware? More recently that makes sense, but what about back then.

It terrifies me that if it weren’t for leaving my birthtown, I would be stuck. Only seeing the outside world through a screen. And not having had flied to different places. A luxury that they do not have. 

[urbanenemy]

7/23 新入荷リスト

APOSTROPHE  Sad and Blue / I'm a clown BARRACUDAS  Summer fun / Chevy baby BONNIE ST. CLAIRE AND UNIT GLORIA  Clap Your Hands And Stamp Your Feet / Catch Me Driver CALAMITÉS  Vélomoteur / J'En Ferais Bien Mon Quatre-Heure CHARLIE  LINES LP CLIVE CULBERTSON  Just a little bit / The last laugh DANCETTE  Going Green / He's Clever DWIGHT TWILLEY BAND  Trying To Find My Baby / Twilley Don't Mind EDDIE AND THE HOT RODS  Quit This Town / Distortion May Be Expected FRESHIES  Oh girl / No money GENTS  Stay With Me / In The Heat Of The Sun   GEOFF APPLEBY  Make Me Take Me / Live Wire GERT MAGNUS BAND  S/T LP HOME SERVICE  Thin Hours / The New Age Elite Corps HOT WATER  Different Morning / Premium Bondage JOE JACKSON  Is she really going out with him ? / You got the fever KELLY GROUCUTT  Am I A Dreamer / Anything Goes With Me KIRSTY MACCOLL  Terry / Quietly Alone LE CHANGE  Back seat / Can't stop progress LITTLE BO BITCH  It's Only Love / I'm Confused MN'MS  My boyfriend's back / Knock knock knock / I'm tired NAMES  Why can't it be / Baby you're a fool NAUGHTY THOUGHTS  All Or Nothing / Weekdays PAUL NICHOLAS  S/T LP PEARL HARBOR AND THE EXPLOSIONS  Drivin' / Release it PRAETORS  Lipstick / Waiting for the break PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS  She's so young / Let my people go / Looking for girls RUBINOOS  I wanna be your boyfriend / Gorilla SLIK  Forever And Ever / Again My Love SPIZZENERGI  Where's Captain Kirk ? / Amnesia START  Hey you / Gotta have love SUNRISE  CALL ON ME LP SWEET  Little Willy / Man From Mecca SWEET  Hell Raiser / Burning T. REX  Get It On / Jeepster T. REX  Metal Guru / Lady TAXI  Step In The Right Direction / It's A Shame TREND  Teenage crush / Cool johnny WICKED LADY  Underneath The Neon Tonight / Manolito YIPES!  S/T LP

[felicityb-reviews]

Review Roundup - Week 1 January 2018

Hello babies!! Welcome to your debut Review Roundup for Week 1 of January 2018!!! I'm really excited to launch this series, because while I do love doing reviews, sometimes the only thing I can say about a song is "I like it, it was good". I also wanted a place I could spotlight releases from less popular acts (or even less conspicuous releases, sometimes) who don't exactly have 2309342 million fandom pages. This is a great way to combine that, I guess.

Before we begin, some ~rules~

For a song to eligible, it has to have an official video. Even if it's basically some shit an intern made in Final Cut Pro in five seconds, before uploading it. I just need to know that it's an ~official~ release.

No OSTs!! 90% of them are dry ass ballads, and I do not have the time, sis!! No OSTs!! /Edna Mode voice

And on that note, I might choose to skip a certain release, because I have nothing to say about it. Or nothing nice that isn't constructive criticism.

Yes, each video has a Rating™. Do not get hung up on said Rating, cause it's basically meaningless; it's just an arbitrary number based on how much I liked the particle song, mixed with how well I thought the song was written.

Just like with my Feature Spotlights, the blurbs here are just my opinion, sis. Please do not get hung up on what some gay bitch on the Internet has to say about your fave. I'm hella arrogant, but my words are not of God.

So now that we got that out of the way (Even though I'm 90% sure some bitch is gonna try my ass), our list begins with...

Grown Up (Soyou)

Grown Up is pretty standard fare for a Starship ballad. The company has always submerged themselves in RnB and Gospel sensibilities, and it shows here. Miss Soyou takes us to church with Grown Up. A very nice song which I appreciate, but will probably not listen to much, unless I'm in a Ballad Bitch™ mood.

Rating - 3.5/5

TRCNG - Wolf Baby

"Ooh bitch... You mighta just did something there"

That was my first reaction to Wolf Baby, fam. I was ready and willing to write the song off, because the teaser did not show it off in the best light (it sounded like a demo of Hyosung's Into You, according to a friend) and the visual was more of the boys showing off their dance skill. Which is never a bad thing... Except when it's literally the same shit we've seen 20 million times from similar boy bands. But Wolf Baby delivers in full. Unlike the God awful Spectrum which takes after B.A.P in the worst of ways, Wolf Baby sounds and feels more like a Secret song (which sounds a lot better than you think it would). Wolf Baby shows that these boys have personality that can translate to the music, and Lord knows we need more of that in K-pop boy bands. I'm so tired of being charmed by these boys in variety, but utterly bored by their music.

Rating - 4/5

Think about (Seo Ji An featuring KLANG)

Lissen... Whoever wrote this song needs to give me a refund. That intro had me thinking this was gonna a bombastic radio ballad. Like, they were about to hit me with that Ryan Tedder throwback shit. But instead, all I got was soft falsetto and a limp piano line.

Talk about a boner killer, sis.

But once I got over myself (and the song started to pick up), I realized that it was actually pretty nice. Nothing I'd put into heavy rotation, but this would be good shuffle bait.

(Sidenote - if anyone can find me anything on the female vocalist, KLANG, I will give you a hug and a cookie, because I really liked her voice)

Rating - 3/5

XOXO (Soyeon of LABOUM x Park Jae Jung)

We're getting a jump start on the Springtime love duets, I see. I can't say I'm entirely mad, tho. XOXO, like Seo Ji An's Think about, falls within a category of songs I like to call shuffle bait. They're not terrible songs, but they're also not ones I feel obligated to put on heavy rotation. They're good for those days when you don't know what you wanna listen to or need some soft background sounds, so you put your music on shuffle. Not a category one should aspire to be in, but not one to be mad at for falling into, either.

I'm very happy that Global H made this a duet, cause Soyeon's overly bright tone could have tired out the ears very easily if she had to sing this by herself. And not only that, but Park Jae Jung provides a nice foil to Soyeon's voice with his smooth tone. All in all, a very nice song.

Rating - 3.5/5

Honey Tea (OOHYO)

Miss OOHYO is givin us a little Bassa Nova in her Honey Tea, you guise!!

Honey Tea is another shuffle bait song that almost makes it in the Heavy Rotation camp with it's interesting choice of instrumental interludes; but alas, she doesn't quite make the cut. There's something about the production here that doesn't quite mesh right; the song elements don't meld into one another like they should, especially with such ~agreeable~ (for lack of a better word) elements as these. This song is really nice for what it is (the melancholic atmosphere nice for those days when you just wanna brood like an angsty teenager), but I needed just a little bit more.

Rating - 2.5/5

Like Paradise (Kriesha Chu)

Something tells me that Future Bass is going to be everywhere in Kpop this year like Tropical House was last year, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. On one hand, you have Svt's Don't Wanna Cry and LONG:D x Kim Doyeon's All Night that are masterfully made songs. But then you have BTS's Best of Me and Kriesha Chu's Like Paradise, both of which are so fucking beige it makes me wanna slam my face into a wall. And it's really sad because, unlike Best of Me, Like Paradise starts out with a great verse. But then the prechorus goes right into generic territory with a chorus that's so anybody, it's almost frightening.

Kriesha Chu exploded onto the scene with a familiar formula in Trouble, but she did enough to make it her bitch, so idk what happened here. A friend mentioned that she feels as though she's heard this melody fifteen times, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has. This song isn't bad, but it don't got no soul. Which is a shame, because Miss Kriesha Chu has plenty to go around.

Rating - 2/5

Blah (Planetarium Case #1)

Now this is a song that took me by surprise. I was not expecting that Tropical style beat to kick in when the verse started, but I mean... Y'all know how I am with anything and everything Tropical inspired. And then they had the nerve to combine that heaux with RnB style instrumation?!?!!

Bitch...

I wanna be mad at how much I like this song. I really do. I wanna care about how the vocalist's voice is a touch too bright and whiny for that kind of vocal processing (it's faint, but it's there). I wanna feel some type of way about how that kind of vocal processing isn't really suited to this type of song. I would like to have some kind of critique here, but everything just slots together in a way that I can ignore the little things I don't care for.

Sis, idk how these underground labels know me well enough to make such targeted attacks against me like this, but I'm not mad. In fact, I'm very okay with that if I get to walk away with songs like Blah. Can we get more of this, instead of Future Bass or whatever other kooky trends are gonna rule K-pop this year?!?!!

Rating - 4/5

Foresight Dream (Younha)

Hello, Miss Younha!! It's nice to see you giving us something other than classical ballads like some kind of Baek JiYoung knockoff.

...was that mean?!?!!? Okay yeah, that was mean. Oh whatever, it isn't like other people weren't thinking it.

Copious amounts of shade aside, I'm been very here for what Younha has been doing, musically, since Get It. She's swapped out the ballads for a more RnB/Pop sound that's very in line with what the K-RnB World has been doing lately, and I couldn't be happier. Foresight Dream is a dreamy piano driven song that's a bit too downtempo in groove to qualify as an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo, but still has enough drive to feel like it's actually going somewhere. And Younha's voice sounds amazing. She's got a voice very similar to Alice from HV's, but Younha has more depth to her tone. All in all, a very magical experience.

One critique I have (and it's not even of the music) is that I'd have liked if Younha had released Foresight Dream before the GroovyRoom produced Parade. With the way Parade followed the ph-1 assisted Hello, I had assumed that she was done releasing songs. But with Foresight Dream coming after those two, it kind feels like it dampens her momentum. Idk, I'm just being a picky bitch.

Rating - 4/5

wewantourmoneyback (Giriboy)

*sigh*

This nigga talmbout how he want his money back, but I want my fucking time back from listening to this hot mess.

Okay, let me roll back the shade for a second. This song really isn't that bad. I've heard F A R worse from the likes Jay Park, Zico, and Dok2. But dude, this is a touch too fucking generic for a winter release. You couldn't have saved this for summer?!?!? When niggas is actually trynna shake they ass to generic trap beats?!?!

To be honestly, I'm tired of hearing these kinds of songs in K-HipHop. Especially from dudes who have tones like Giriboy. Their voices are whiny as fuck all, and these kinds of beats usually have a lot of higher tones in the mix (for those who are too bougie to listen to trap, producers typically use high, tinny synths as the main instrument in trap beats), so it's just a headache in the making. It's already hard enough to make a trap song without it sounding too repetitive, but these fools have truly tired me out with this genre. I can't even think of something to say about this song, cause it's just so generic.

Rating - 1/5

Paint Me (Mamamoo)

I'm sorry... MamaWHOMST?!?!?!!

Jokes aside, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this song. Mamamoo is a group that I once loved, but all that went sour when they decided to do blackface in concert (and then post a BTS video of getting into costume for said stage a week after posting an apology). And if I'm being honest here, their only good songs are You're The Best and Piano Man. I stanned for their other tracks for the culture; I liked what they did with the songs live. I didn't really listen to them, but tis the life of a K-Pop stan.

In retrospect, it's quite interesting how Mamawhomst Mamamoo haven't promoted a big power ballad like Paint Me before. The instrumentation is basic as all fuck, but it allows emphasis to be put on their vocals. Which are half the reason Mamawhomst Mamamoo survived Nugudom, in the first place. But as great as their voices are in this song, it just doesn't go anywhere. It throws you from one extreme to the other, and then ends. It's hella polarizing, and not something I really wanna put myself through with repeated listens.

Rating - 2.5/5

A Day I Want To Love (HEYDAY featuring Lim Eun Young)

A Day I Want To Love is a very typical classical ballad, and while that usually has me running for the hills, I decided to give it a chance. And I mean, this isn't a song that I'd put into Heavy Rotation, but it'd fit in very nicely with all the songs I download to use as shuffle bait. I'd also quite like to hear this sung live. Idk, I just feel like it'd come off better that way.

Rating - 3/5

OGZ (Jo Woochan x Park Hyunjin x Achillo)

I don't understand this song.

That's not to say that it's bad. The beat reminds me of wewantourmoneyback, but GroovyRoom decided to make a more interesting remix of it. And the boys all hand in amazing verses. But idk, yo. This song just feels weird as all fuck.

Rating - 4/5

Missing You (VOISPER)

How fitting that this is the song that closes out the main list week. Missing You is another lowtempo shuffle bait track (the mood for this week, apparently), but this time around, we get some horns in the mix. Which I greatly appreciate, because without them, this song would have been extremely boring. VOISPER have nice voices, but their technique is kind of sloppy. And I don't usually sweat shit like that, but it's really noticeable here.

Rating - 3/5

The Fabulous Five

So... You've made it to the end of the post (thank you, btw), and are now wondering what in the actual fuck a Fabulous Five are. Well, it's simply a fancy title (because your bitch is hella dramatic) for my favorite songs of the week. In fact, if you payed any mind to the (badly made) gifs at the top of the post, you'd notice they're from the following videos. Anyway, there's no real metric for what goes here, just songs that I stan a lot.

5. Lower (f(Amber+Luna))

MY WIG!!

MY QUEENS!!

M Y W I G!!

Lower is God tier, sis. I've read a few people's reviews of the song, and the one thread of commonality between them all is that Lower is generic and not worthy of the f(x) brand. And while I'm not gonna sit here and act like Lower isn't something I'd expect to hear at a European gay club (or any gay club for that matter), I really like what Amber and Luna did with this song.

I also think that Lower should be considered a performance piece above all. I view EXO's Monster this way - I don't care for the song by itself, but I'm hype as fuck when there's an accompanying visual. Amber and Luna could have made this beat their bitch (Luna certainly has the vocal chops for it, and Amber could have done ha thing with a lil rappy rap), but the main focus of the song is the breakdown. And they dance for their fucking lives to said breakdown.

I can't tell you if I'd have liked this song so much from another duo in K-Pop or if I'd have liked it if it didn't come with a video, but the reality is that like it.

Me Likey Likey a lot!!

I'm really hoping that SM sees how well of a unit these two make, and decides to debut them, officially. Cause God only knows we aren't getting any new material from f(x) anytime soon. Victoria is too busy livin ha best life in China, and Krystal is too busy looking fed up for no reason with Jessica, whilst people throw money at BLANC & ECLARE.

Rating - 3/5

4. Hot Potato (N.FLYING)

Before I start in on my review of this song, I just wanna ask what the fuck is up with idol bands being filled with beautiful ass humans?!?! Like?!?!?! Anytime I watch anything with Day6, I can't help but wanna cry at how hot they are. And watching N.FLYING's Music Core comeback stages, I got the same feeling. I could barely pay attention to the songs. Am I really just that thirsty?!?!?

Nobody fucking answer that, I know I'm thirsty heaux. I don't need you shady bitches dragging me for it.

Existential crisis aside, Hot Potato is a banger. I'm really hoping 2018 is the year idol bands start thriving, because I need more songs like these in my life. The verses are pure octane fun, while the choruses are power pop crack. I dare one of you to tell me you wouldn't sing along to that chorus if you knew Korean. I fuckin D A R E you!! And whoever's idea it was to add Yoo Hweseung from Produce 101, I wanna kiss you silly. His chemistry with Lee Seunghyub is ridiculous!! And in addition to that, an added vocalist allows them added flexibility with with N.Flying's rap/sing vocal style. I'm just so happy with this song, especially with how little love I had for The Real. It's great, sis.

Rating - 5/5

3. Her (Drug Restaurant)

Raise your hand if you had no idea that Jung Joon Young's band changed their name to Drug Resturaunt!?!?!?

...

Oh that was just me, not paying attention to anything?!?! Okay...

The first time I heard Her, I was immediately mesmerized by that opening chord progression. Some part of my musically trained brain knows how overused that progression is, but the rest of me is too busy blissing out to it to care (to be fair, most chord progressions in popular music are overused, because there's only so many that actually sound good to our ears). Her is no one trick pony, tho; she may come back to the oddly dissonant and melancholic texture of the intro now and again, but she always makes sure to give you something new with it.

The rest of the song is pretty great, too. Jung Joon Young has a very smooth texture to his baritone, very similar to BTS's Kim Taehyung (and if y'all know anything about my gay ass, y'all know I'm a H E A U X for baritones), and it's a great contrast to the grit of the instrumental.

Her is a very nice intro (err... reintrduction) to a great band. I keep telling myself I'll get back into rock like I was in middle school (the only good thing about being a weeb is J-rock and VISUAL KEI, I will fight you if you say otherwise), and it looks like God decided to help a girl out.

Rating - 4.5/5

2. Twenty Something (Alice featuring Yooyoung of HELLOVENUS)

Hello?!?!? Fantagio?!?!?! Starship Entertainment called; they want their Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo back.

Yes, I realize I'm not that funny, but it's not gonna stop me from cracking jokes

So... If you don't know what an Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempo is, it's basically the RnB version of an acoustic midtempo ballad (hence the acoustic coffee shop bit). They're usually not acoustic at all, but they still have the same feeling as an acoustic ballad, if that makes sense.

And can I make a bold statement here?!?!!? Fantagio just declared a turf war against Starship with this song. Yes babies, it's that fucking good. Starship is usually my go to for Acoustic Coffee Shop RnB Midtempos, but it looks like Fantagio wants to throw their hat in the ring for consideration.

Alice has the right amount of grit to her voice to really hook you in, but a decent amount of brightness to help uplift the track. And Yooyoung's rap is just... Oh my God, it's so good!! I wanted it to be longer, sis. A++ content!!! She provides a nice texture change that makes Alice's voice pop when she takes over the track again. And the instrumentation just makes my brain happy tingle. God, I'm just so in love with this song!!

My only complaint is about that flat ass, limp ass, needs to be put out of it's misery ass high shriek Alice does over the final chorus. Guys, I am so tired of my ears being accosted by these singers trying to belt. Most of K-Pop's vocalists are sopranos with bright ass tones and absolutely no power behind their voices. This obsession with high belted notes at the end of songs is just so weird, and if y'all are gonna continue to do it, I need y'all to integrate that shit into the song better. Don't just have a vocalist do their best "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME" shriek. It's so irritating!!

And apparently, this is the first of a monthly song single campaign Fantagio is doing for 2018?!?!!? Someone at that company wants me to die, sis. First, they inflict Ong Seungwoo and Park Jinwoo on my ass, and now this.

Rating - 4.5/5

1. Bboom Boom (MOMOLAND)

First of all, can we give S. Tiger a round of applause for throwing it back to EXID's Nyam Nyam Jeop Jeop?!?!?!? That is a top five favorite b side of mines, so the second I heard the guitar in the teaser, I fucking Knew™ my edges were about to get snatched right off my face.

Secondly, Queen JooE is outchea livin ha best life, and I'm just so here for it. People love to talk shit about girl groups cause they only do cutesy and sexy concepts (nevermind the fact that boy bands do the same shit, but I guess y'all not trynna hear that), but anytime girl groups give you something different, y'all not trynna stan. So, I'm so fucking here for JooE serving you basics Unapologetic Joy™ in the New Year.

Hallelujah, Thank You Jesus!!

For those of you who can't tell (although it's position in the Fab Five should've tipped you off), I fucking love Bboom Bboom. I was ready for Bboom Bboom the second the teasers started rolling in, and my excitement hit an all time peak with the Great! highlight medley showing that the entire mini was Banger Central™. My only complaint about the song is that the transition from the trap beat to the regular beat in the second verse was so throwed together and clunky. Did y'all run out of time to really integrate that right, cause?!?!?!?! I love that section, but that it could have been handled way better.

Still my favorite song of the week.

Rating - 4.5/5

And that's that, folks!! Tune in next week at 6pm EST to see my round up of this week's new releases. And don't forget about Friday's Feature Splotlight at 6pm EST!! There's been a little (Okay, it's a pretty big ) change to the schedule. Wanna know what it is?!?!?! Be sure to check it out!!!

[kathrwn]

Lana Del Rey is rotting your brain

Read with footnotes here.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: Lana Del Rey does not exist. No, since she is the character performed by the artist Lizzie Grant, whose uncritical approach to American nostalgia does more to invoke the helplessness of American apocalyptica than to make us yearn for simpler times. And just as Lana does not exist, neither does any depth to the project of Miss Del Rey. Between winged eyeliner, prairie dust photo filters, and an affected croon, Lana Del Rey manages to be both campy and pretentious, and does neither particularly well. 

Looking at Lana Del Rey music videos, there are similarities which together comprise a Lana “image,” or a sort of aesthetic uniform which unites the Lana Del Rey Cinematic Universe. Often there are post-production filters which evoke old-school photographs of your mom’s cousin in the 60s, references to film and music stars of the 50s, and a misplaced fetish for the “good ol’ days” of America which turns grit into surface-level beauty. 

Thematic focus is good, especially when the singer is a construction, like Lana is. Critics are quick to notice her sharp devotion to her bit, calling her music a “Southern Californian dream world constructed out of sad girls and bad boys, manufactured melancholy and genuine glamour,” or “a blown-out Hollywood production.” Lana has described herself as a “Lolita got lost in the hood” or even a “Gangsta Nancy Sinatra” which critics have called straight “manufactured.” 

While plenty of songstresses presently play with the heights of glamour that women are expected to summit in the spotlight--Lady Gaga, Cher, and Dolly Parton come to mind instantly--many of them inject irony or camp into their performances, their outfits, their presentation. Parton in particular loves to joke about herself, famously quipping “I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.” 

It undeniable to say these three women also play characters in their music--Lady Gaga is not nobility, Cher’s Twitter is filled with political commentary, Dolly Parton is, of course, not even blond. Lana also plays a character, but why is the Lana character a failure compared to the others? It’s not for want of production--many women pop stars are over-, perhaps even hyper-produced to drive the point home about the disinfectant power pop music holds over artists. Lana is also over-produced, somehow giving her music an auditory sepia tone, as though it were a film from the Golden Age of Hollywood.

But perhaps that’s it--Lana, as a character, is reactionary. She invokes a time well-past, and one well-past for good reason. The 50s and 60s were not heavenly for all, certainly not for black people, not for gay people, nor political dissidents. Lana’s music draws on themes that attempt to highlight the teeming hate and anger of midcentury America, but ultimately fail when she refers to herself as “[y]our Venice bitch” and prides herself on wearing “his favorite sundress” but with a strange sincerity. Often times, Lana infantilizes herself, referring to her lover as “Daddy,” or worrying that he is so superficial he might not love her, perhaps most famously, when she is “no longer young and beautiful.” 

That is not to say that Lana is vapid, but she has adopted the veneer of being so. She has unwittingly become a crooner for the past when her worth was tied to a sexual currency. Her uncritical love for glam and grand cinematisme is part of her pastiche act. But because she is nostalgic, and rarely, if ever, scathing when she sings about outdated courtship and relationship dynamics, she shows just how empty her actual songs are. In dying to know if she will be loved when her skin is no longer elastic, Lana never manages to find validation and closure in herself, instead tying her worth even tighter to a man she calls her “sun,” who plays with her “like a child.” Cool and normal. Newer songs follow this same trend, with cuts like “You’re beautiful and I’m insane, We’re American made” doing little to flatter herself, then listing off American inventions like “Hallmark” and “Norman Rockwell.” (The Norman Rockwell thing is especially weird when she follows it immediately with references to sex and then calling herself--again!--“your little Venice bitch.”) 

There’s nothing many Americans love more than Americana and sincerely yearning for a time they never experienced. Lana, perhaps, is the most “I was born in the wrong decade” singer to grace our airways. Her songs make love, even uneven and abusive love, the ultimate goal. Letting summer--a time that is eternal in the LDRCU and, supposedly, California--wash over her and her lovers until the cocaine and ocean consume them. 

Then, it’s no surprise this cheeky political compass places Lana in the libertarian right segment--she is made to sell, to hit some pleasure center in impressionable brains, to be a sweet spot in pop music that guarantees profits will be made from her work. Her songs are chock full of concrete imagery, which allows them to become realized in her audience's mind, rather than relying on letting the listener make their own emotional connections. There is nothing wrong with that, but it shows why the Del Rey song formula is as successful as it is soulless.

Take, for instance, her famous “Summertime Sadness.” From the red dress she wears, to the pale moonlight, to the “telephone wires above... Sizzling like a snare” we can recreate the scene in our heads. These lines are so evocative, so palpable in what they describe, it wouldn’t be hard at all to envision yourself standing in her same pair of high heels.

However, there is a marked absence of irony or self-awareness in her discography. Her sincerity is her downfall. When she sings “Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, You like your girls insane,” does she mean it. And she really means it. She prides herself on her lyrical tendency to degrade women. 

This is not a new criticism of Lana. She herself has said “the issue of feminism is just not an interesting concept. I’m more interested in, you know, SpaceX and Tesla, what’s going to happen with our intergalactic possibilities. Whenever people bring up feminism, I’m like, ‘God, I’m just not really that interested,'” which is proof that Lana is so massively lacking in any self-awareness that her music becomes pointless, useless, and dumb. How is being interested in SpaceX and Tesla at all incompatible with the basic philosophy of women’s liberation and complete personhood? What about the women who were unable to be astrophysicists in the past, but are now writing the algorithms that take us to those “intergalactic possibilities”? How about the droves of young women who unironically listen to this schlock, call themselves insane, and then have no clue how to be a part of a functioning, normal relationship, because they think they have to be a crazy minx? Actually, even better, what about the bat shit insane way Elon Musk treats women, like when he famously pulled his bride aside and told her he was “the alpha.” It’s just bonkers how popular Lana Del Rey’s line of thinking is. That somehow feminism is incompatible with the fetishism of science? 

Perhaps that’s where Lana Del Rey stands out. As soft rock and easy listening DJs give us “Fight Song” and “Firework” ad nauseum, we have grown weary of the female empowerment song. Any song that wasn’t “You’re So Vain,” is extraneous to the genre of girl power pop. Maybe this makes Lana appealing, if only because she shakes up our expectations. Her yearning is to be submissive, not to be dominant, a far cry from the way many chanteuses have embodied the lyrics of Patti Page’s “Conquest.”

If that were all, maybe it could be forgiven. It would be a sweet rebellion against the popular themes of the day, one that has its problems but isn’t overly regressive. Only, the more you dig, the worse it becomes. Not just the content of her lyrics, and her constant playing of the damsel, but the visuals she chooses to use in her videos and albums are beyond simply self-stylized misogyny. Lana has a nasty habit of racializing her character, trying to make simple the complex legacy of mid-century American counter culture.

For instance, in her epic three-song music video Tropico, Lana appears to us in several visions. Once as Eve, once as a sex worker, once as a woman escaped from the city to be with her lover. The first one is the color of the dream of a flower-crown-era-Tumblr aesthetic blogger, the last is similarly as harmless. But that one in the middle is an iffy exploration of the actual economic conditions of sex workers, but absurdly tone deaf in the light of her comments about feminism. And all of the above is extremely tone deaf within the LDRCU. Is she supposed to be the girlfriend of a gang member, styled in heavy eyeliner and bandanas reminiscent of cholo culture? Or is she, as is inline with much of the rest of her videography, an upper-crust, Jackie-O-esque trophy wife with a listless stare? Neither are particularly good characters to play, relying on stereotypes and hazy filters to get the point across. 

But Lana has always had an issue with understanding the fundamental issues of her middle-distance gaze into American history. Yes, it’s cool Lana has A$AP Rocky play Kennedy, that’s pretty neat; but it’s also extremely uncool to do so while adopting a Cuban-sounding name while turning up the nostalgia factor on figures who, like Kennedy, did great harm to Cuban and Cuban-Americans. The conflict she creates within her own character is glossed over by her, and much of her audience. While critical pieces of Lana do exist, many fans--including myself at times!--get lost in her Venice Beach Baddie persona, and forget her self-awareness trends in the wrong direction. 

With the release of “Norman Fucking Rockwell” on the horizon (at the time of writing), though, we’re going to have to ask ourselves--is that a normal name for an album, or are we all having a collective fever dream? 

[mousedetective]

The Undesirables (1/?)

So this was the answer to my son’s request for a fic for the countdown to my 900th fic! I looked at the prompt he had picked and realized I wanted to go a very...adult...way of answering it, but he’s a skateboarding fan so when I saw this prompt from @auideas ("Because they want to be very efficient as soon as they enter college, Character A takes time during the summer to learn how to ride a penny board (a small skateboard) to ease their mode of travel on campus. After about a month, they inadvertently make a trend that dominates the student population. The administration catches wind of the surge in popularity and fears gang activity, leading to the banning of all skateboards. As punishment for “endangering the student population,” Character A is put on work suspension and must spend time working in the campus mail office alongside Character B who was stuck there for putting up graffiti behind the modern arts building as an assignment. To put it lightly…they are not in their environment.") I thought it’d be perfect for a teenage Sherlolly fan. 

--

The Undesireables - Four years after the death of her father Molly is still mourning him, and still showing it by dressing as a Goth. When she goes to uni she meets Sherlock Holmes her first day by crashing into him on her penny board and he warns her against becoming one of the university president’s “undesirables.” But it’s a warning she doesn’t heed, and eventually her penny board leads to a phenomenon on campus that puts her in the president’s sights and lands her in the campus mail room under work supervision with Sherlock and other “undesirables.” As things become more restrictive at the university for anyone who deviates from the norm, Molly finds her initial discomfort in the group of “undesirables” becomes something more as she discovers new friends with a goal to make some changes to university policy...and perhaps something more.

Read Chapter 1 @ AO3 | Buy Me A Coffee? | Send Me A Prompt

“Dear, you should try a little...”

Molly knew what her mother was going to say. She knew her mother was trying to be nice and all, trying to look out for her. After all, Molly had spent the last three years of school being a social outcast for choosing to dye her hair black and accessorize in black, and when out of her uniform wear nothing but black. “A little colour” was the advice she’d heard all through school and during her gap year.

When her heart didn’t feel like a black gaping hole, maybe she wouldn’t feel like wearing the color so much.

But she wasn’t going to tell her mum that. Despite it all, she knew her mum only meant the best, wanted the best for her. She managed a smile and leaned forward to hug her. It felt...strange. Had it really been that long since she’d smiled? Or hugged her mum? She couldn’t remember. “Maybe I’ll put red streaks in my hair, or wear a bit of red.”

Her mum seemed to be just as surprised as she was, but when she pulled away there seemed to be a look of relief in her eyes, as though maybe if they were lucky, the worst was over. She herself doubted it, but if it caused her mum to worry less then maybe it wasn’t a bad thing. She’d been lucky enough her mum had been agreeable to her even living on campus for uni. She was close enough she could have stayed at home but her mother thought space would be good. Being around others would be good.

Probably because there wouldn’t be so many reminders of her Da.

She felt her heart twinge at the thought but she didn’t let her smile falter. Best to keep it on her face until her mother left the dormitory. Her roommate hadn’t been there so she had been on her own with her mum, and it was only a matter of time until some other girl her age popped up with overbearing family members and the sooner she could get her mum to go home the sooner she could curl up and just...be. Be sad or be devoid of feeling or cry buckets, she didn’t know, but she wanted privacy.

“Well, I’m a phone call away if you need me,” her mum said. She looked awkward for a moment, as though she might try and ask for a second hug, but then thought better of it. “I’ll be off now. I...I love you, Margaret.”

“I love you too, Mum,” she said. She watched from the bed where she sat cross-legged as her mum left the room, and then she fell backward onto the bed. Her first day at uni, and he wasn’t there to see it. So bloody unfair. Her Da would have been so proud, going pre-medical and all, just like him. Not because she wanted to be like him, but because medicine fascinated her. She had been fascinated by it from a young age, though more into the parts about how people died. And her father had encouraged it, getting her books on pathology and all that.

And the damn cancer had to take him away.

She blinked back tears. Didn’t matter if the mascara ran; made the Goth look even better, she supposed. But damn it all, it was a bitch to keep reapplying, and it crusted. Since her Da had died, she had to get cheaper things. Thank God uni was covered, but other expenses? She’d need a part-time job. Most of the people in the village weren’t keen on hiring her, but here at uni, that might be different. Maybe no one would look twice at a Goth.

Better to get a move on before the whole bloody campus arrived.

She went and looked in the mirror she’d set on her nightstand and grabbed some tissues, wiping away the runny mascara to make herself look presentable enough. Couldn’t help looking a bit like a damned raccoon but what could you do if you got the cheap stuff? Then she moved away and rummaged around her things until she found her brother’s old penny board. He’d told her it had been a godsend to him at uni, helped him get from place to place faster than walking, and holy hell did people get out of his way when he came barrelling through. Which made it perfect for her; she was short and, despite appearances, a bit on the meek and mild side. A penny board should give her an advantage.

She made her way down to the ground floor and the lounge area, looking for notices and not seeing any. Probably too early, but it didn’t hurt to introduce herself around. She got on her penny board once she was outside her dormitory, pushed off on the pavement in the general direction of where there was the largest crowd of students…

...and crashed straight into a tall, thin young man in a leather jacket decorated with studs, spikes and patches with his hair spiked up and colored bright blue.

“Bloody fuck!” he yelped as she fell off the board and landed on her arse. He took his cigarette out of his mouth and looked over at her. “Watch where you’re going, why don’t you?”

“Sorry!” she said, her voice barely a squeak.

He looked at her as if trying to process her. Oh, she was sure she was a sight. Goth girl by appearance, timid mouse at heart. After a moment, he put the cigarette back in his mouth, shaking his head. “You actually know how to use that?”

“Yes, but not well,” she said.

“Obviously,” he replied. “Pay more attention, and make sure Cooper or his ilk doesn’t catch you on it.”

“Cooper?” she asked.

“University president. He’s trying to get rid of ‘undesireables,’” he said with a sneer, saying the last word with air quotations. “He catches you dressed like that on a penny board, you’ll be on his shit list in no time flat.” He started to walk away from her then.

“Thank you, uh…?” she called out.

“Holmes!” he called back.

She looked on in wonder, rather hoping that perhaps she might run into him again in different circumstances. But for now, she had a mission. She stood back up, and then studied her penny board before looking around. There weren’t many students about. It’d be safe enough for now, she supposed, and she got back on and made her way out, being more careful to avoid her fellow students this time.

[duckbeater]

Courtship, pt. 3

Knowing the internet is infinite compels me to write as I please, but especially about the things in romance that mystify me, without fear that I’m somehow adding to the world’s wrongheaded glut of blogposts about love and strife. They cannot all be wrong. Such themes are eternal. They are besides, conveniently, what I return to write about. —The Editors

—

I already discussed this with my friend Peter, so if it has the air of summary that’s because it is. I’m trying to remember what we said about A, my ex’s current boyfriend who I’ve been obsessing over. The usual reasons obtain: he’s hot, he’s a cop, he’s tolerant. They’re open now, apparently, and their parents have met, making things feel luxurious and stable. In painful contrast, my boyfriend has not told his parents I exist at all.

My ex and I remain, somehow, on good or I should say better terms, now that I’m not living with him in a romantic partnership. We exist to each other in our phones, as a text thread unpunctuated by in-person digests. We send mostly innocuous updates about our respective cats. We try to be helpful—for instance, when I lost my job, Dan (I’ll use his name, it’s stupid not to), Dan called immediately to help me with the particulars of filing for unemployment benefits. We discussed, drunk one night, my feeling “erased” (to use the queer therapeutic vernacular) by Scotty during Pride month. “I would like to show up more on his Instagram stories and get photo credits on the hot pics he posts to Facebook,” I whined. “In a year and a half of dating, he’s shown my face twice. In one I was wearing a mask.” The specific things I help Dan with involve encouraging him now in his minor hypochondriasis (“I really think you should get that checked out—after three days? Definitely.”) and coaching him through sexual difficulties (threesomes, hemorrhoids). He seems like a better, more well-adjusted person now that I’m situated at a benevolent remove. He sent me a picture of his hand the other week, for me to admire the skin around his forefinger and thumb. Tan pink, all healed up, no violently chewed down nails or hangnails. His fingers used to be so frightfully eaten apart he joked about wiping blood on clients when he went in for a handshake. “I’m a lot less anxious now,” he noted.

Everything I think could be wrong. But my sense is that Dan became a whole person again. I’m a facet of that wholeness. Yes, it took a lot of brutal struggle and artless negotiation and my own bizarre fragmentation to get us where we’re at, but he came out whole, and now I’m an odd prop or property of that success and from the outside now, I feel the truth of it in my bones. I’m accepting the limits of my place within that wholeness by practicing some form of “unconditional love,” as explained on the Waxahatchee episode of Song Exploder. (Peter, for his part, did tell me that “unconditional love” doesn’t need to describe supporting another person’s every action. “It doesn’t mean you have to live with that person,” he said.) Regardless of its clarity, the unconditional love I’m practicing makes a lot of room for disappointment, it’s medium may entirely comprise disappointment, and my belief is that this disappointment will settle into a kind of suffering grace that will eventually settle into something I inure myself to and notice not at all, like the habitual minor irritation of moving my car for street cleaning or the ongoing weird expensiveness of my phone bill. Hot soup, summer nights, lost love.

I blocked Dan on Instagram a while back, along with most of his friends. (Those friends I did not block, I muted.) I didn’t want to see him in his life on accident. In fact I still don’t and it’s a persistent worry that I’ll run into him downtown (we work in neighboring high-rises) or intersect at the beach or a bar. Imagining seeing him in his life again freezes my blood. I visited his parents late in May, surely an expression of grief and love, and felt the whole while the sadness of driving to Oak Park alone. I did so without music, without a podcast, with no outside aural distraction to save me from thinking about the number of fights we had about music and podcasts on the drive. We fought another time about the irresponsibility of my holding a credit balance of $600. He turned my frugality (if that’s what it was—I had $1,400 in checking at the time, and blowing $600 of that on one payment felt dire) into a point about our futurity. That my shitty financial stewardship reflected poorly on our romantic prospects, because if my money ran out, I’d “give up Chicago” and abandon him. It did not signify, and I still think about money in weird, unhelpful ways, but slowly paying down $600 did not mean I didn’t believe in us, that I was sabotaging our shared life together. We had a screaming match parked outside his parent’s house and in the heat of the moment I told him that to save him from paying a single red cent toward my poor, fucked-up retirement, I’d kill myself at sixty-five with a shotgun. “Oh cool!” he shouted back. “And void your life insurance policy?” Somehow he won the larger argument and I paid, maliciously, the full balance down, there in the car, and he sapped and I charred, we crumbled together into the house for his sister’s birthday. We seemed always to be entering the house in Oak Park panting. I had to on drives beware annihilation, and it’s true that driving through the city even now turns me into a bitch and a werewolf. Anyway. I’d forgotten how passive I was in conversations with his mom and dad—how I needed Dan to shepherd the flow of our talk. I didn’t stay long.

So while Dan sees only what I share with him, his boyfriend, A, looks at my Instagram story with some regularity. Indeed, he has elected that I share with him what I share with everyone else. Not everyday (annoyingly). Not even every week on X day. He trends toward my weekend updates but seems just as likely to search me out on a Monday as a Thursday, and will go up to a month without peeping at all. There have been evenings where he checks in at intervals, tracking updates more or less in real time. (Is it ugly that I know this?) Other nights he gathers what he can in one sweep and leaves whatever’s next until another hour, weeks away, when he visits again.

What is it? Boredom? Insecurity? I know this is genre fare of the accidentally-liking-your-ex’s-new-boyfriend’s-family-vacation-photo variety, still I find his behavior baffling. Also consuming. I find it erotic, too, because he sees me sometimes as I’m performing erotic—my shirtless torso, sweaty after a run. Ostensibly my target, or even uber-target audience, when A catches me on a very good day, say when I’ve been outgoing, intellectual, odd, funny, wild and attractive, I have the sense of meeting him—meeting the man who replaced me—at my best; of inhabiting, if that’s possible, the best version of myself that Dan has told him about, and even meeting A in a capacity that surprises him because it contradicts what he’s been led to believe about me at my worst. Maybe even especially the good things hit different, when he sees me in my life on my terms, cringe content and all.

I told Peter I think it’s exquisite that A, who does not follow me, types my name into his phone to find me, spells out e-v-a-n, but Peter, correctly, said it’s more likely A only needs to tap e to bring me to the top in the search bar. Does A sometimes hover over me, making a choice? Does he ever swipe out, lock his screen, and pocket me for another night? A long time ago, when I was similarly lovesick, I imagined a technology that let you know someone is thinking about you, someone is drafting you an email they won’t send, a text that gets lost, and the frequency of their thoughts. I can’t tell if such an apparatus would make people more heartbroken or less. If you opted into the notifications, whose would you want to receive?

I have no interaction with this person other than the pixel flag that shows me he saw my story. I see his little eye icon and can press through to his private profile, where I go no farther, where, in the general asymmetry of police and civilian relations, I am the one exposed and surveilled and he is hidden. I really don’t care about that though. That tack is baiting, first, but second I think it’s incorrect. Perhaps strangely, I choose to believe that A likes me. Preventing him from outright following me, or anyway extending a hello, are the standard holdovers of ex-versus-new boyfriend decorum. That we’ve shared struggles (dating Dan), and that our commonality ends with his being the better at it somehow leads me to respect him, and even feel love toward him, because—at his benevolent remove—he’s taking care of someone I tried very hard to hold onto.

[melonoverlord]

Second round of space gays feat. Princess Fish Mom

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

All the royal family has excelled at magic for the longest of time, and Nivviah is not exception. She’s been a natural magic user since her birth, as well as a strong swimmer, fighter, and public speaker. Anything that you need as a political figure, Nivviah can do.

2. what activities have they participated in?

She’s been the first mate on the Freedom Vessel for about ten years, after she took the title away from Tam when they both agreed that she had more leadership skill than he did. Nivviah also participated in all the political ceremonies on Theuthida when she was still the crown princess, such as weddings, funerals, and even executions.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

She’s worked hard to be first mate, especially since for a long time, she tried to push being a leader aside because she equated it to the monarchy on Theuthida.

4. what things are they bad at?

Nivviah can’t cook for shit. She is one of those people who burn cereal. Partly because on Theuthida, you can just hunt and eat without worrying about cooking, so living on the ship, she’s had to learn to eat cooked food. Partly because she’s a princess so most of her hunting was done for her. Mostly because she’s a gay who can’t cook.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

She is an amazing magic user. She hasn’t been on many missions with the main three, but there is a reason you keep your strongest item until the end of the game.

B: Basics

1. what is their hair color?

Dark blue and then it gets lighter as it goes down.

2. what is their eye color?

Black

3. how tall are they?

6′2. She’s very tol. She’s actually the third tallest person on the ship, after B3rT13 at 7′3 and Oberon at 6′4.

4. how old are they?

She’s going to turn 405 by Month 7 (February)

5. how much do they weigh?

200 lbs. All that height has got to come with some girth.

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

Like a princess with one ankle crossed over the other. She is disaster in gayness, but distinguished in fashion.

2. in what position do they sleep?

She sleeps with one arm under her head and the other wrapped around Luna.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Just wearing her sweater and skirt while eating junk food with Luna and reading together.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Chocolate peanut butter milkshakes. It was one of the first human foods she’s tried and it is heavenly.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

Her best girlfriend (and maybe soon to be wife) and her captain, Luna Sorrotai.

D: Decoration

1. how would they decorate a house if they had one under their name?

Although she doesn’t like her family, she still has ties and love for her culture, so she would want to emote a sea theme, tile floor, and a giant library for curling up and reading.

2. how would they decorate their child’s room?

Before Ciri arrived, Nivviah sort of took the role of the “mother” on the ship, so she actually helped Ravi and Crumb with their room as well as Val’s. For her own children, she’d want it to be a calming color palette so they can relax in their room and have another room to play in inside the house, and would give them lots of little trinkets to keep about because Theuthidans still like shiny things.

3. how do they decorate their own room?

Nivviah’s room is very homely with a lot of couches for lounging and reading, a lot of pictures of the og Freedom Vessel crew (Luna, Tam, herself, Oberon, Venus, and Gabriel), pictures of the kids, and more recent pictures of herself and Icio.

4. what type of clothes and accessories do they wear?

She tends to wear more “classic” clothes like skirts and sweaters and finds the perfect match between coziness and beauty.

5. do they like makeup/nail/beauty trends?

She likes painting her nails, and does minimal makeup, but doesn’t like hardcore beautifying like Venus or Flor do because she was forced to wear makeup during her time as princess.

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

Nivviah’s internal personality is actually very fiery and adventurous, which isn’t very apparent by looking at her. She’s been taught her whole life to be reserved and regal and aloof, so she does things more calmly and orderly than her internal dialogue would suggest.

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

Nivviah literally electrocuted her family and entire planet just to save the girl she loved and disowned herself from her royal heritage, so 

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

Nivviah has always done her own thing since her conception. She escaped her oppressive homeworld because she was bored and wanted adventure. She is the secret boss ass bitch.

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

God no. Nivviah is probably the person with the least amount of internet experience. She still uses tons of emojis in her texts and just learned what spoogle images is. She is very bad with technology.

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

She is still unlearning how to be loud and boisterous, so a lot of people think she is a very calm and serene person when she is mentally cursing out people every fifteen minutes, so really only the people who know her best get her inner snark.

F: Fun

1. what do they do for fun?

She likes reading a lot and spends a lot of time in the library and reads to especially the snids when Icio’s out.

2. what is their ideal party?

Everyone dressed to their casual best, lots of music playing, dancing, and sneaking off with Luna in the middle while everyone is dancing.

3. who would they have the most fun with?

Luna, Tam, and Icio.

4. can they have fun while conforming to rules?

Theoretically she can, but if she really doesn’t like rules, she’ll say fuck the rules and do what she wants.

5. do they go out a lot?

She was very much a shut in when she was on Theuthida, but she likes going out when she can. It’s hard as a very visible member of the Freedom Vessel, but if she can take a couple days to explore, she will.

G: Gorgeous

1. what is their most attractive external feature?

Nivviah is a very classic beauty, but probably her hair. She very much has Ariel hair. Always bouncy and shiny no matter where she is.

2. what is the most attractive part of their personality?

She is a gentle giant who just wants her family to be happy.

3. what benefits come with being their friend?

She gives the objectively best hugs, she will always be ready to take a beating with her giant squishy body (she actually has 110 HP because she’s level 14 but she’s still a Solari), and she is the voice of reason of the ship.

4. what parts of them do they like and dislike?

She loves her tallness because they she gets to get all her loved ones’ best angles, but she always has to duck under low doorways.

5. what parts of others do they envy?

As much as she loves her gorgeous blue skin, it is a little hard to match things to it. Plus its very hard to blend in to crowds unless she uses a spell slot.

H: Heat

1. do they rather a hot or cold room?

Cold. As a fish, she doesn’t like being anywhere too hot.

2. do they prefer summer or winter?

Winter is just prettier to be in. It’s Luna’s birthday, the kids are happier, and she can wear her cute sweaters and skirts.

3. do they like the snow?

She’s only seen the snow a couple times on Helios, but she thinks its one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen.

4. do they have a favorite summer activity?

Swimming with Luna and having a water fight.

5. do they have a favorite winter activity?

Making snow angels. She is a tall sexy skyscraper.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

Fish Jesus is a lesbian. She really is Hayley Kiyoko but with gills.

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

There’s not really the concept of sexuality on Theuthida, just whatever the crown wants you to marry. But the first time she saw a non-Theuthidan her age (since Luna was still 17 when they met), she did bust a huge nut.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

No, she’s always been pretty femme.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Theuthida doesn’t have many strict laws when it comes to sexuality since there have been same sex relationships, but all relationships have to be approved through the crown, which is why bastard children (aka Icio) is a terrible thing. Whoever Nivviah married would have to be approved by her parents.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

She never came out to her family, but she lowkey came out to Luna when they both said they would want a girlfriend, stared at each other for about a full minute, and then went their separate ways because they’re useless.

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

Reading, taking naps with Luna, teaching Icio about her culture, and being a good influence on the younger crewmates.

2. who makes them happy?

Luna, Tam, Oberon, Venus, and Icio. And of course the rest of the Freedom Vessel.

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

Literally every Hayley Kiyoko song.

4. are they happy often?

She’s not necessarily sad, but she is constantly worried for her sad crewmates. She tries to cheer them up, but her most present emotion is “long worried sigh”.

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

Being with her found family.

K: Kill

1. have they ever thought about suicide?

No, the only way she would think about killing herself would be if something happened to Luna.

2. have they ever thought about homicide?

She slaughtered her entire planet. She’s thought about getting back at her family more than once. Especially Dillon because fuck Dillon.

3. if they could kill anyone without punishment, would they? who?

She would singlehandedly slaughter Queen Genesis and her inner circle for what they’ve done to everyone.

4. who would miss them if they died?

Everyone on the Freedom Vessel because she is a beautiful soul.

5. who would be happy they died, anyone?

Probably all the Theuthidans she’s killed, and Genesians.

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

Oranges. She loves her citrus. It’s why she never gets colds.

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

She just doesn’t like grapes for some reason.

3. are there any foods they hate?

The higher up the seafood food chain you get, the more the line is blurred because for seafood, Theuthidans are at the top of the food chain, but sharks and other meateating sea creatures are very close to them. So it’s not cannibalism, but it’s like a human eating lion. It just doesn’t feel right.

4. do they have any food intolerances?

It’s like the human equivalent of someone being allergic to soy, but she’s allergic to seaweed.

5. what is their favorite food?

Tam makes a really good chocolate peanut butter molten lava cake.

M: Maternal

1. would they want a daughter or a son?

She’d probably get along with a daughter more, but she also loves her pseudo sons Ravi and Crumb (and Castor), so she would be fine with kids of all genders.

2. how many children do they want?

She has all her children on the ship, but if it was just her and Luna in a household, she would probably want two or three.

3. would they be a good parent?

She is already a great parent and anyone who disagrees is cancelled.

4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?

She likes the name Arthur for a boy and Gwen for a girl, but she would be interested naming any child Icio after her favorite cousin.

5. would they adopt?

She’s pretty much adopted the entire ship. Even the people older than her. Icio may be older than her in body, but she is taller and therefore more valid.

N: Never Have I Ever

1. what would they never do?

Be a ruler on Theuthida. Even though she is the only possible person to rule Theuthida, she doesn’t want to be a leader. She likes being the right hand fish.

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

Marry Luna.

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

Think that manifest destiny is actually a thing that people should do.

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

Fell asleep in Luna’s lap when they were younger. It was super cute from Luna’s end, but in her sleepiness, Nivviah called Luna “adorabluna”.

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

She’d never thought she’d return to Theuthida only to electrocute all of her people just to save her new family. She also never thought she’d get such an amazing girlfriend.

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

She’s more optimistic that most of the people on the ship, sans the kids. She believes that the war will end in at least a human lifetime and that they will find someplace safe to live.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

She tries to be optimistic to kind of encourage others, but if someone wants to adamantly be depressed, she will back off.

3. are they good at giving advice?

With the exception of gay affairs, Nivviah is one of the few people on the ship who isn’t a hypocrite when it comes to advice. She gives great advice and actually receives advice well.

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

The kids tend to be a very positive influence when it comes to optimism, but really she is the optimist on the ship surrounded by negative Nancys.

5. were they always optimistic?

Nivviah was always idealistic (she is a legit Disney princess), but got a surge of optimism when running away with Luna and the Freedom Vessel.

P: Personality

1. what is their best personality trait?

She is the ultimate young mom, kind and caring, and is just so sweet to everyone.

2. what is their worst personality trait?

She’s fairly secretive and reserved, and doesn’t really say her true feelings, even if she trusts someone wholeheartedly. It’s not wanting to keep things from others, but just that she doesn’t see why she should share her feelings.

3. what of their personality do others love?

Luna loves her giant heart and gentle nature, Tam loves her determination and sense of adventure, and Icio loves her compassion and moments of sass. 

4. what of their personality do others envy?

Luna and Tam both envy her optimism and fearlessness, and Icio envies her connection to her family (despite them sucking ass) and her ability to see reason even in stressful times.

5. do they hate anything about their personality/about other’s personalities?

She wishes she could be more boisterous and energetic like some of the other people, especially the girls, since she doesn’t really like being reserved. She doesn’t like people who are too hoity toity or narcissistic since that reminds her of Theuthida.

Q: Questions

1. do they ask for help?

She uses it as a last resort to not burden the other crewmates, but she will ask for help if it helps her do the job right. She also uses it to bond, since she’ll ask how their day is going and if they need anything.

2. do they ask questions in class?

When she was first taken on the Freedom Vessel, Nivviah asked about everything, even if it had nothing to do with lessons Oberon was giving. She’d ask about the technology on ships, she’d ask about why humans don’t have gills, and if Harry Potter is based on real events.

3. do they answer questions that make them a little uncomfortable?

There are couple topics that are off-limits such as her time as a princess, but otherwise, she’ll answer most questions.

4. do they ask weird questions?

Nivviah asked every single question under the sun when she first came aboard. Then she met Val and learned that some questions should remain unanswered and unasked.

5. are they curious?

She’s a Ravenclaw. She’s curious about everything.

R: Rules

1. do they follow rules?

Nivviah is the polite version of “Fuck the Police”.

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

She’s fairly strict and tries to make sure the children are safe and respectful to others, but she’s more of the parent that watches close by than actually manually intervening. She’ll step in if something’s going wrong, but she wants to give them the freedom to make their own mistakes.

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

She had so many rules she had to follow as a child as a princess of Theuthida that she was often consequenced by either being trapped by the sea serpents or being locked in her room.

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

She does regret going into the sea serpent den while they were guarding Iwione’s statue because it caused her to have flashbacks, which Dillon laughed about for days.

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

Anyone who follows Genesians and/or allowed absolute monarchy in either Genesis or Theuthida.

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

She wasn’t very street smart when she first came aboard, but it didn’t take her long to be wary of everyone she meets.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

Yeah, especially on the poorer planets she’s been on.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

A lot of the og Freedom Vessel got in a fight with hired thugs by Helian Parliament members.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

The above, and the first time she went to Scylla, they had to fight off a Deforestation Committee, which is where they met a young Venus for the first time.

5. are they cautious when out?

She’s a very tall regal fish lady on planets where there is usually one Theuthidan at most. And she’s the first mate on the Freedom Vessel. She is extremely cautious when she’s out of the ship.

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

Nivviah kept her secret from most of the newer crew (everyone from Val/Ravi/Crumb on) about being a princess and even lied to the players when they first met, but for the most part, she is very honest about herself (except when it comes to revealing gay feelings). What she isn’t honest about is other people’s secrets.

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

Nivviah lives with a ship full of liars so she is pretty decent at telling who is lying. She just knows that people have their reasons for not telling the truth so she rarely calls someone out on it unless it’s urgent.

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

She gets a little visibly nervous about her own secrets, but she’s gotten pretty good at keeping a straight face about others’ secrets. 

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

She doesn’t regret lying about her heritage, but she does sometimes wish that the secrets she’s keeping for other people could come out in the open so they don’t have to worry about it being found out.

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

Everyone on the ship was pretty good about her secret, and it took until they actually arrived on Theuthida that her secret of being the princess was spread.

U: Underdog

1. have they been bullied?

She was imprisoned for a month and sentenced to die. And that was just on one trip to Theuthida.

2. have they bullied anyone?

She can say with pride she has tripped Dillon on a number of occasions as a child.

3. have they been physically attacked by a bully?

Although she was always taller than Dillon (and he was also technically a bastard child), he was older and would trick her into situations where she’d get hurt. So he took the art of surprise to physically bully her.

4. have they ever been doubted?

Big time. Especially by her immediate family. 

5. have they surprised people with being good at something?

Oberon had his doubts about Nivviah being first mate because she spent the beginning of her life pampered, but he was pleasantly surprised when she stepped up and helped her through the transition.

V: Vomit

1. do they vomit often?

Nope. Theuthidans tend to have stomachs of steel and very rarely get sick except for Eel Pox which basically leaves you paralyzed for days and it feels you have eels slithering up your body. It’s lowkey the worst but luckily Nivviah never caught it.

2. do they get lots of stomach aches?

Nah, unlike some people, she doesn’t do much to fuck up her stomach. She eats healthy and trains.

3. are they good at comforting someone ill?

Yeah, she’s had to take care of Val and Luna a lot when they get sick.

4. what do they like as far as comfort goes?

She would like back rubs but since everyone she loves are shorties, she settles for lower back rubs or rubbing the back of her hand.

5. do they burp, cough, or hiccup most when nauseous? when vomiting?

She gags a lot when she’s nauseous, which scares her because that’s the next worse thing to vomiting. When she actually does get stomach aches, it’s because she’s having a panic attack.

W: Water

1. do they drink enough water?

Nivviah’s one of the few people on the ship who actually gets adequate water intake. It’s why she has such glowing skin. 90% of it is water, the other 10% is space magic.

2. have they learned to swim?

Yeah. You can’t really live on Theuthida without learning to swim.

3. do they like to swim?

She likes it well enough. She likes doing it with Luna more, but when she’s alone, it just reminds her of how much shit she went through on Theuthida.

4. can they dive?

Yup. Every time she and Luna swam together and Luna watched Nivviah dive, it made her nut.

5. can they swim without holding their nose?

Yeah, she has gills and can pretty much do anything underwater.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

Celtic instrumentals or soft pop. She doesn’t really like anything too loud or harsh.

2. do they have a favorite song?

‘Waterfalls’ by TLC

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

Enya or Hayley Kiyoko. She’s a fan of both Celtic and Lesbian music.

4. can they sing well?

Yes, she was trained in singing on Theuthida. She really only sings though when she’s doing another task like doing laundry or helping around the infirmary.

5. can they rap?

Luna says she’s heard her rap, but no one has any proof. And anyone who says they have proof has that proof mysteriously disappear. She’s Captain Holt with the hula hooping classes.

Y: You

1. how old were you when you created them?

19. She was the second npc I made for the Genesis Campaign.

2. what inspired you to create them?

I wanted to make a distinct “alien” character so boom. Blue Fish Titties was born.

3. were they different when they were first created?

Oh yeah, she was just going to be strong Theuthidan who happened to be a little soft but now she’s a princess and she’s gay for Luna and she’s Icio’s favorite fish cousin.

4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?

I love doing her accent and how gentle she is, so she’s a really fun character to play.

5. what’s your favorite thing about them?

She is a powerhouse of protection and has had some of my favorite scenes (especially where she electrocutes Theuthida) and has some good ones coming up. She is so good but also extremely wise and powerful. Also she’s a useless lesbian.

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

Panda bears. She likes how round and gentle they are.

2. do they like animals?

She likes them well enough and thinks they’re cute, but she has had bad experiences with the animals on Theuthida and Dryas to make her wary of them.

3. cats or dogs?

She tends to have an aversion to cats just because of Adrian, but Ravi has been showing her pictures of what Earth cats look like and she thinks they’re cute. She likes their little noses and tiny paws.

4. what’s their dream pet?

She really wants a chinchilla. Val showed her one on Space Google and she spent fifteen minutes going through the Spoogle Images.

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

No, but she takes care of Noodle when Castor’s out doing stupid shit on different planets.

[emoceanevolution-blog]

I wonder if my roommate can tell I’m drunk

Name something that you saw within the past week that made you smile::

My sister and I fangirling over Kim Possible

Name something within the past week that made you frown::

I poured my heart into a choir audition and I didn’t get picked for the solo.

Name somebody who you wish would cut you a break sometimes::

Me

Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have::

I want to say my mom. She’s sad frequently. But rather than a better life, I wish she had a better perspective. She’s so hard on herself (I wonder where I get it from..). She’s made a beautiful life for herself and she deserves to see that.

Name something you own that has high sentimental value::

My Anastasia music box

Name something that you hope is different by this time next year::

America. I’m ashamed of this Presidency.

Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: :

Doing dishes

Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: :

Making friends

Name something that you like about the person you argue most with::

I can’t think of people I argue with frequently. But when I argue I like having the opportunity to learn a perspective outside of myself

Name something that you strongly believe in: :

Pineapple on pizza

Name something that was funny to you but not to anybody else::

PUNS. REALLY BAD PUNS. SO GOOD.

Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you::

My best friend

Name something that you had to learn the hard way::

Life

Name something that you think should be illegal::

Discrimination - gender, race, religion, etc

Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: :

I used to know so many. I’m drawing a blank. March 7. I lost my virginity.

Also May 4. It’s Mike Dirnt’s Birthday. And Star Wars day. AND my friend Kyle’s birthday! He LOVES Star Wars, I’m happy for him.

Do you like pudding?:

The Jell-o vanilla homemade is the only way to go

What was the last thing you complained about?:

My best friend living so fucking far away

Do you tend to use a lot of big words?:

Negatory

Do you fall for guys/girls easily?:

I fall a lot. For boys. For girls. For fictional characters. For my love of gravity.

Do you have low or high self esteem?:

It’s more of a spectrum than a consistent low/high status

Are you a heavy sleeper?:

Heavy dependency but I can never quite get my fix. Always jonesin’ for a nap

Have you ever felt like you’ve hit below rock bottom?:

Yeah I live there, pull up a chair and I’ll put the kettle on

When someone copies you, are you more flattered or annoyed?:

My  little sister used to copy my style growing up. Bugged me so bad, cause I worked so hard to be myself. And yet, I adapted a lot of MY older sister’s trends. We learn from what is important to us, and I’m annoyed this didn’t click earlier. I’m not “flattered”, more like honored in this instance.

BUT if someone copies my school work I will not hesitate to slap a bitch (mentally) and then be very annoyed

Are you trustworthy?:

Certainly.

What’s one of your favorite quotes?:

“No man can eat fifty eggs”

Favorite song lyrics?:

“Forgetting you but not the time”

“All was golden when the day met the night”

“Truth be told, I never was yours” “I don’t wanna make a plan for a day far away,

While I’m young and while I’m able all I wanna do is

Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda?:

Fuck ‘em both, stale or not.

Have you ever been heartbroken?:

Yes, but the pieces are still beating

Have you ever carved a pumpkin?:

I’ve carved several in my lifetime, I’m proud of my creations and the memories accompanying them.

Are there any CD’s that you enjoy listening to all the way through?:

Young the Giant (self titled)

Talking is Hard

American Idiot

A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out

Pretty. Odd.

Rainbow

Spirit Room

Let Go

LISTEN TO THESE YOU’RE WELCOME

Is there a lot of drama in your life right now?:

Lol no.

Do you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?:

I have somethin’

Have you ever set off a fire alarm at school?:

Noop

Do you like raviolis?:

Ravioli ravioli give me the formuloni

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn?:

There is always learning to be had

I can’t do enough to check it off the list

Unresolve

It kills me

Do you have a silly side?:

I have many sides

Like an icosidodecahedron

Were you obsessed with those bead/jewlery making kits when you were younger:

BEADS FOR DAYSSS - also lanyards

What’s one show that you wish was still on the air?:

KIM POSSIBLE

What’s something you’re looking forward to?:

Finishing this semester and basking in the sunshine of summer break

Are you optimistic or pessimistic?:

I exist

Did you ever play with side-walk chalk?:

Yeah. Sometimes I even drew things with it.

Are there any fast-food restaurants that you hate?:

KFC & Arbys are yucko

Are you a picky eater?:

Oh yes, I love picking what I eat

Do you like the band Rise Against?:

There are a few songs I adore, but their sound wears on me after a while. It gets redundant. Though, I do appreciate Rise Against as a band for sure. My boyfriend loves them to pieces and he’s shown me more of their stuff, it’s a pleasant introduction.

Who’s the hottest guy and hottest girl out there?:

Hottest guy BRENDON FUCKING URIE no question. What a beautiful human being. His music is so raw, and he is sincerely genuine when interacting with people. THAT IS HOT AS HELL. And if you need a second opinion go watch the girls/girls/boys music video #yourewelcome

Hottest girl? Hmm..my high school crush

Are you stubborn?:

I can be

What’s your favorite song at the moment?:

First - Cold War Kids

Do you live your life to the fullest?:

I oughta, I hate myself every day that I don’t

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?:

Always

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever been called?:

Someone said I was a bitch when I was a freshman in high school and that broke my spirit. I was more worried about them than what they called me; what could I have possibly done to make you feel like you thought I was a bitch?? I’m so sorry I hurt you????

Have you ever burnt your ear with a straightener/curling iron?:

Hahaha oh yeah

Are you any good at the game Rockband?:

Rock band ain’t no game for me, that’s my life yo

What’s your favorite board game?:

MALL MADNESS. 90’s edition. Fuck all the new renditions.

Do you believe that sometimes life is unfair?:

It wouldn’t be fair if it were fair

Do you have a hard time with making new friends?:

Depends on what I’m drinking.

The hardest part isn’t making new friends, but rather sustaining friendships.

What’s your favorite kind of doughnut?:

The kind that goes in my mouth

What’s the most important quality in the preferred sex?:

Kindness

Have you ever used a port-a-potty?:

Hell yeah

What’s your favorite ride at the fair?:

The big ol swingy ones that are 2 seaters back to back on either side

When was the last time someone gave you a piggy-back ride?:

idk

Have you ever been onstage in front of a lot of people?:

Again, that’s my life

What was the last stinky thing you smelled?:

Tequila

Are you more of a girly girl or a tomboy?:

A girly tomboy. FIght me

What’s something you’re craving right now?:

Kissing a girl

Have you ever been on a boat?

Yeah, while you’re at kinkos flipping copies

Have you ever been camping?:

Yes, it’s been forever. I last camped in 2014, it was so nice. Music festival up in the mountains :) I need more of that in my life.

What’s your favorite outdoor activity?:

Swinging

Do you ever shop at Hot Topic?:

I’ve been shopping at Hot Topic since the logo was red and the store front was the gates to hell.

Do you ever trip over your pets?:

A couple times, she’s a sneaky little fuck

Do you have any Christmas lights up on your house?:

I use christmas lights in my bedroom

Do you watch Spongebob Squarepants?:

When I have access to it

Are you currently in a relationship?:

So I’ve been told

Is your foot asleep?:

It’s sad

What did you last look in the fridge for?:

My will to live

[distraction-pieces-blog1]

To Whom It May Concern,

I don’t know

really…

is all I do know that I don’t… And I won’t… just let go til I can float the terms with the worms in the skull. No hope, flicker out with no fear and no reproach

Mesmerizing me it takes control Of us Squirming with each touch Nervous. I clutch til I bust

Raw I’ve been balancing terror on a see saw just want you to see what I saw that’s all

I’m a legion of extra “ordinary” souls extracting light that enfolds bipolar totem poles as it grows ancestral nodes Of struggle Where I snuggle

With all the pain inside this bubble where funny thoughts huddle Gravitates the echo with bass and treble from jazz to heavy metal. like Hansel and Gretel seeking to settle in candy houses that eventually crumble.

But chaos is what it is though.

And I’m still learning to let go. the ultimate treason betrays all meaning

My heart beating through my brain bleeding, dreaming like ripples in rain, teething on the monolith insane this game is trained not to change and that’s why it’s so hard to leave home and to cope I wrote you this poem.

I used to pray to God to show me a path. a billion roads appeared and I suck at math. but I took all the roads less traveled by Is what I decided in the aftermath, of this riff raff energetic mind craft, clicking on the least ambiguous ones that attracts keeping me coming back

Me da igual All’s predictable, It’s like I never left home but I miss it though

Know your Nostalgia

Luke I’m your father, your mother, and your blotter

light side dark side it’s all just a ride I separate yours from mine my mind’s safe in the harbor covered in armor so I choose what to lose these loose screws slack the noose this abuse is obtuse and at times I’m confused but I always find my way back home to you so get real what’s the truth sometimes, it’s like…what’s the use? I’d rather repress the abuse. make it old news where the lie becomes the truth

Floating on top of hope decibel increasing in each note trying to cope by writing this note Sink, choke, or float in muddy waters. Gotham blues got the sadness ohms in a bathtub lukewarm madness and then Cliff poked holes in the magic and it’s tragic but it happened.

Apparitions appear in superstition my parents and culture taught me the mission tradition

But my depths searched for fission preferring summer to seasons for silly reasons from fall to winter, anticipating when spring comes.

Nostalgic envy for a prenatal song goes unnoticed til I look back and it’s gone

Diabolic with the logic he circumvents her circuits with half-life in buckets, long lived fuck its.

my mind’s full of Muppets and the world’s full of puppets,

my hearts on my sleeve go ahead I want you to touch it.

I’m so sorry Eurydice! my Belle Rave …I just wanted to see I’m addicted to doubt it leaves a taste in my mouth

So now when I speak all this grit just jump out Grinding jaws in my sleep all my teeth falling out.

I mount my steed onward into foggy delta night Many things uncertain…but it’s dark and its quiet Trying to find the brakes Trying to find what it takes

I laugh and pretend I’m alright

carpe diem ……. I guess

I mean what else? I digress, my life’s a mess but I confess

I used to be depressed, but considering the outcome I must have been blessed Laughing my way back to who would have guessed? I used to be vexed but now I’m just fucking perplexed (and fucking is just a word I use to amplify what comes next)

no reason to fight because no reason to find lost my soul in the starry divine

Battery Acid leaking down a crooked spine

I follow the light…dial tone trailing behind

Uncertainty is certainly not tidy But luck be a lady She’s a maybe A might be a mighty tight likely.

Breeze through the cracks, it shivers and cracks! Organs quiver light refracts tissue glands frizzle, collapse! Shapeshifting pixels and crafts!

I AM OZMA welcome to fear and loathing in OZ.  discovered solipsism with no applause, I pause… long enough to feel this odd.

My head nods on a lightning rod someday they’ll say death sawed this tree from the sod and my ashes will become the new manuscript for war and peace that no one will read damn.  I should have planted a seed.

Post-apocalypse we live inside virtual tombs. Searching for that peace we left behind in the womb. The scholastic book thugs work in teams. Ignorantly weaving them dreams within dreams. Meme processing mental masturbating fiends. Generation X, generating X equals why?

shrug it, whatever, fuck it, ignore it so clever …it’s an endless endeavor you forever and ever. forever ever? forever ever? forever ever.

Our minds schism in this black hole. See myself everywhere but in mask though Want to rip it off and look you in the mind’s eye. But the truth is best told slant less ye go blind

lost rhythm lost rhyme

Lost my mind In the sands of time

so, when I die please be kind …and don’t rewind.

I’m trembling and that’s fine.  I’m trembling and that’s fine.

All my friends fast forward hand on the mouse Scrolling clicking like hold up…let me update my tombstone

Life’s a drag and I take a puff…to find no amount of time will ever be considered enough.

And time is an illusion, I know that right now, here is how… No tracing the dial, Dumbo, measurements irrelevant just ask the dancing elephants misunderstanding the patterns of insignificant stimulus signifying limits from limitless until we’re all clutched up strung out hung up on silly myths

There’s no parameter, only drifting drops, caught in a web of clocks. Its feeding time…Calypso gonna eat you up. And the more you fight it the more you get stuck. Don’t get star struck on the mind fuck, just grow up

I make mistakes because I make mistakes And fell in love between the shakes I maintain the eternal flame But that flame don’t maintain my name. Most people never see it Raw But all roads lead to Awe for All Not Us or Them or You and Y’all

The fear and trembling along the way. Anxious ambiguous patience. Where do I put my hands? Now my emotions need a chemical facelift.

Like standing on stage, naked public embarrassment, forgetting my lines…

Silence.

Crash into a road block

Feeling chest clog

tight squeeze

Got a grip on my light

Tour my mind through eternal night PTSD living in the fight or flight.

Sky opens so wide step through and died. Earth trembles back alive! Screaming this Is not my life! This is not mine!

Unable to live life on life’s terms. I’m a microscopic god…made of worms.

You think you reach the end but the end’s a repeating trend. Spiraling into reflexed madness sadness a laughter a passion.

Just what did you come here for? Asked the bouncer at the door.

Alice get a grip, beware the coup infected mushrooms in my animal soup. stuck in a time loop. my face come right off Howling at the moon til Kali chopped my head off

Stop… Who goes there? I heard a voice uncanny that noise!

Be this bitch wailing witch my own screaming white noise through the T.V?

By golly

By geez

By fuck it

Purge the demons fill up the bucket

Why is Vishnu sleeping in my bed? snuggled with Lakshmi or so I’ve read

Dreaming awake… how much did I take? rabbits eating rabbits karma equals habits Fates like Sisyphus and Atlas

Eternal maintenance of balance on this lifeboat mattress in a sea of magical madness

I mean…it happens,

What is a feeling?

Bet it’s worth a thousand words but what’s worth really worth? quick without using words!

You’ll know it when you know But then you’ll forget. And Jesus wept While we slept But we each got a peace That we’ve kept

Distracted I fight for attention

Think about it…just what am “I” tending?

All I’ve got is a paradox, some crazy thoughts, a flooded apartment, and building blocks

I’m a waste of paint graffitied on your memory box

There’s a bridge of trust that leads me to you,

If it can take the pressure, then it must be true

There’s a bridge of trust that leads me to you

  And I ‘d take you there if I only knew              

                            …but I don’t

-Unknown Mortal

[djrelentless]

“2013 REWIND: DJ Relenless Talks Music, Politics, Life And The Future”

December 26, 2013 at 4:29pm

What can I say about the year that gave us "twerking" and the "Gay Lumberjack meetsHillbilly Chic" beard? The year that blatant abuse of power with a side order of racism and homophobia was the order of the day. Where Pop Divas battled for the top of the charts, but were side swiped by a smarter girl from Houston.

Yes, 2013 was a quite a year in news and for me personally.

It seems like every year Reality TV gets more and more out of control. We went from a sassy toddler beauty pageant contestant to a backwoods redneck duck calling family and suddenly became surprised that the monarch of it was homophobic and racist. And not wanting to be outdone….the Kardsahians pulled every trick out of their Prada bags to stay relevant. Too bad that not even marrying Kanye West could keep them afloat on the internet. Kanye had a moment of truth on Jimmy Kimmel when he went on to address the parody of his BBC interview. For just a second, I understood his point of view, but then he just kept on talkin'! His mouth is gonna be his biggest downfall. He has some clever twists of phrases in his lyrics, but his idea of being a super genius is what keeps everyone from taking him seriously. Poor Paris Hilton…..she's no longer  the "rotten spoiled whore darling" of media. Instead of releasing that horrible song with Lil' Wayne she should have done a sex tape with him. That would have kept her in the news for at least a month. We were continuously being bombarded with information everyday. How could anyone keep up or pay attention?

Musically, we started out the year doing the "Harlem Shake". This really funky dance featured in many Hip Hop videos got appropriated and transformed into convulsions of the masses. Great beat, but no one I saw online was doing it right. This was kinda the "Year of Appropriation" (folks basically stealing other things from other cultures…..some for music, some to shock and some just to get a laugh). Even my alter-ego, Jade Elektra found herself being appropriated by Circuit DJ/Producers who years ago would never play or admit they liked tracks like "Bitch You Look Fierce" or "Why Are You Gaggin'?", but now are stealing riffs and lyrics to make these outdated tribal tracks for shirtless steroid boys to throw their hands in the air while their drugs kick in. That's so 1998!

The word "twerk" was on everyone's lips after the 2013 MTV Music Video Awardsbecause little Hannah Montana decided that once and for all she was no longer going to be a Disney Princess. So, when Miley Cyrus bent over in front of Canada's Marvin Gaye,Robin Thicke during a mash-up of "We Can't Stop" and "Blurred Lines" the course of Pop Music history was changed forever. Online and in the media, Lady GaGa and Katy Perrywere slated to duke it out for the top of the charts by September. After that moment, no one was even thinking about an "Applause" or a "Roar". But no one could have predictedBeyonce coming around the corner in at the last moment in December with her brilliantly unannounced CD and Visual album. Finally….an artist got it right. Release more than a bunch of songs. Give your fans a complete package and they will go out and buy it in droves.

Rivalries between Chris Brown and Drake or Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea seem to cool by summer. I think a few people found out that the internet could be a dangerous place for their careers. Bad publicity is still bad publicity. And when you are trying to sell records in this economy…..it would behoove you to sit down and shut the fuck up! I didn't get the apology that I wanted from Eminem, but I did get to hear him say that he is not a role model and that he did a lot of his early 2000's antics for publicity. But like Andrew "Dice" Clay andLisa Lampanelli, you can only go so far shocking people before it turns into hate. On top and everyone's talking about you and then poof…..you're gone. The next obnoxious thing comes along. So, I lifted my ban on him just in time for his well crafted album, "The Mashall Mathers LP 2" (produced by the legendary Rick Ruben).

Idiots like Justin Bieber and Rob Ford really found out how bad publicity travels around the world in a second. These fools spent the year just writing jokes about themselves with every move. And it's sad that the City Government in Toronto has nothing place to remove Fordfrom office after admitting he lied about smoking crack, got caught on video with some shady dealings, possible murder suspect and told a room full of reporters that he has more than enough "pussy" to eat at home. Bieber just really needs a good ass-whippin'. Punk ass bitches like him are always super tough behind bodyguards when he would bust a grape in a fruit fight (to quote Jay Z). God….please make his announcement about retiring TRUE!

It was quite the year for Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. These two have played their hand very well. I just wish that they would give thanks to Ellen DeGeneres for really launching their success by having them on to perform "Same Love" in October of 2012. And speaking of lesbians on daytime television……it has been great to see the void of Oprah filled with two dykes competing for ratings every weekday. Queen Latifah & Ellen seem to be fighting over guests and who's funnier. The only thing is one is completely out and the other dances around the subject.

But we did have some new entries into the game. The LaToya Jackson of the Braxton family, Tamar Braxton really stretched her 15 minutes into 20. Kendrick Lamar shook things up on the Hip Hop scene by just being raw on his lyrics. And thank God that damn "Royals" song by Lorde seems to be dying down! I love when they hype a new artist that they think is the next big thing. She should take a look back at Nora Jones. Praised and revered….now no one knows where she is (taco stand, maybe). At least with Macklemore & Ryan Lewis they had a few years under their belts to find their sound and message. This kid's album sounds like one song. No variations and nothing interesting. I don't wanna hear another teenage girl who sounds like the voice of a baby doll programed with the latest catch phrases…..just tired! But we'll see what happens at the Grammys.

And speaking of the Grammys…..I definitely think it's gonna be a Justin Timberlake year. I think the lawsuit by the Gaye family will hurt Robin Thicke's chances. But Pharrell Williamsshould snatch a couple awards for producing and singing the track "Happy" for "Despicable Me 2". Let's just hope there won't be any awkward performances like Lady GaGa & R. Kelly's "Do What U Want" on SNL or Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" on theAmerican Music Awards even though they both made for good television.

Apparently some other "good television" in 2013 was "Breaking Bad". Who would have thought a show about dealing meth would be one of the highest rated show? Perhaps with the state of the U.S. it's not that surprising at all. From the blatant sabotage of the government by the arrogant and racist Republicans to the dumbing down of TV programing, many didn't have much to turn o except drugs to cope. Medical marijuana has legalized pot in certain areas of the country and many are trying to find doctors who will give them a prescription for any ailment.

And the Reality TV shows just keep on a comin'! My favorite new title coming from the states is "Sex Sent Me To The E.R." (probably because I could have been on this show….but we'll save that story for my book). As a member of the Screen Actors Guild, it saddens me that good actors can't get work today while simple and common people can allow cameras to follow them around and makes millions. And talking with one of my good friends who is an excellent director, I realized that this Reality Crap has effected our actual actors in America. Now perfectly good actors are "acting" like Reality Stars to get work. This is why Australians and Brits are playing Americans better than Americans. It reminds me of when I was applying for a job at Gym Bar in Chelsea, NY back in 2009 and the owner actually asked me to not mix my sets. Mainly because the norm in the bars in Manhattan these days at some gay hangouts is a DJ who cannot mix. That is killing the art of DJ-ing and definitely killing the art of acting!

But never fear….Kevin Hart came up with one of the most brilliant ideas. "The Real Husbands Of Hollywood" has flipped the script. It's a fake reality show with real celebrities. Very funny stuff! I predict that Mr. Hart will take the place of Dave Chapelle in 2014. God knows, he's about to drop several movies at once to start the New Year off. Let's just hope he doesn't implode like Dave did.

The other disturbing trend I watched in 2013 was the Conservative Party of Canada's government borrowing pages from the U.S. Republicans' playbook. Not many realized thatFOX News opened an office in Montreal this year. That means that the Republicans have raised enough money off the puppet shows like "Family Guy", "American Idol" and "The Simpsons" to expand to another country. The very things that the Republicans hate and want to fight to keep down like gay rights, immigration, poor people's dreams, etc…are the very things they sell us on their shows to make money to continue their agenda. Their remarking of voting zones and opposing Obama tooth and nail is part of their plan to take back the White House in 2016. And don't think for a moment that the Obamacare website debacle was not a scheme by the Republicans. It's just too bad that him being the first African-American President has left him in a position where he can't call them out without them saying he's playing the "race card". These days everyone is holding their breath hoping that Hillary Clinton will run in the next election. At this moment and time, she seems to be the only threat to the Republicans. But a lot can change over the next year couple of years. Remember back in 2008 when we all thought she was a shoe-in?

But I guess the most frustrating thing to watch this year was the acts of racism and homophobia. The George Zimmerman Verdict in the murder case of Trayvon Martin really sent a message about America that polarized race relations. It gave us the new and improved "Jim Crow". It raised the question "Have we really evolved at all?" People likePaula Deen and Phil Robertson are great example of the rebranding of "Jim Crow". Celebrities like Julianna Hough dressing in "blackface" for Halloween, Steve Martintweeting a racist jokes, the attacks on Nina Davuluri for being crowned the first Miss America of Indian decent….all tell a different story about "the land of the free." Some tried to apologize while others just "stood their ground" and let their racist thoughts flow like theRiver Jordan. And even though Elisabeth Hasslebeck was finally asked to leave "The View", I think it was a little too late.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/09/16/miss-america-2013-nina-davuluri_n_3933666.html

But I guess the most ridiculous thing I just read about recently is the "National Chick-Phil-A Day" coming up on January 21st, 2014. Supporters of Phil Robertson are planning to converge on all Chick-fil-A restaurants to show their support for him and freedom of speech. Hey…it worked when the company came out against gay rights! But in a strange move the fast food chain has quickly denounced any involvement with the movement. Probably because Robertson is not only a homophobe but also a racist. So, the company has had to pick and choose their hate. Yes…we hate homosexuals, but we love our black customers who eat chicken!

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/12/26/have-you-heard-about-the-national-chick-phil-a-day-to-support-suspended-duck-dynast-star/

http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/25/chick-fil-a-phil-robertson-facebook-group-statement/

But as for me, 2013 taught me a lot about myself and where my life is going. With the help of my husband (John Allan), Todd Klinck, Phillip Fournier and the owners of Crews & Tangos I successfully maintained a monthly fundraiser for one of the charities that is dear to my heart…..Toronto's People With AIDS Foundation. Probably because I have witnessed first hand the good work they do for people living with HIV/AIDS. I don't think that everyone realizes that all it takes is one person to start a movement or to take a stand. I hope that I have inspired a few people to live in their truth. It's the only way to live….for me at least. I've learned that it is never too late to right a wrong (especially when it comes to your family).

2013 also taught me to always stand up for what you believe in (even when it is the unpopular thing to do). Pride week in Toronto showed me how some people only see what they want to see. Supporting your friend when they have done something that is wrong or controversial does not make their actions right. It only makes you look uneducated. Opening a conversation and dialogue about different view points should not turn into a "Twlight" movie with Team This and Team That. If you don't know what it is to be discriminated against or degraded because of who or what you are, then of course you will not have the same view point as of someone who has. Social Media has turn everyone into their own little islands. And our youth suffer the most because they actually believe the hype of entitlement. A few likes or quick comments posted on a page makes them believe that they are that important when there are much bigger issues at hand.

So, even though I have lost a few friends and acquaintances behind standing up against a racist act, I have gained a few a long the way and remain proud that I said something when most didn't see what was wrong in the first place.

It weird thinking back at the movie version of George Orwell's "1984". "Big Brother" was a real threat to our lives (or at least we thought back then). The idea that someone was watching us 24/7 without our control or consent was a scary concept. Now "Big Brother" is a reality show and everyone is clammering to post their most intimate details online. I love seeing photos of people behaving badly, smoking joints and almost naked in their bathrooms. And then they wonder why they can't get a job! It would seem that "Big Brother" has figured out how to watch us with our permission and no one is the wiser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq-_7F9asjo

For 2014….I pray for clarity. I pray for continued good health. I pray for a common ground where we all can be heard and still respect each other. I don't have to agree with you, but that does not mean we cannot work together to make a better place for all of us.