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soracities · 2 years

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hi, m.! how do you discover new books upon removing yourself from the algorithm of goodreads / storygraph? my sister and i are currently evading book socials in an attempt to be more mindful of what we read, minus the ‘feed’ recommending us books. we want to read books because we choose it :) would love to hear your thoughts!

Hi, lovely! This will be a bit late since I've had this question a few times, esp. in regards to quitting social media, so I'm very sorry to anyone else who asked that it's taken me so long to get around to it!

I will be honest, this blog does make up a good part of how I find things -- my mutuals and other lit blogs especially (I also find works through the authors I follow online now and then); most often, though, these will simply put something on my radar so that I always have an ever-shifting web of disparate works circling through my head; titles will crop up when I'm looking for something, but whether or not I get around to reading those books sooner rather than later really depends on a lot of other factors: if it's an author I know or have read and loved before, for example, then I’m more likely to explore it -- the same goes if I spot something on a shelf or in an article that a mutual has mentioned!

Otherwise, the factors that really influence the books I find most often are a lot more personal and down to proximity: things close friends mention or recommend (Dostoevsky was on my list for years, but I bought The Brothers Karamazov without a second thought because of someone I love), the books I find in my local library or favourite bookshops, books mentioned in other books (I pick up a lot of titles through nonfiction / essays, or just stuff the authors I like enjoy), archives like Project Gutenberg, online magazines, journals, book presses, etc. These are the places I go to far more often and are probably what determine the books I actually read most of the time. Admittedly, it’s quite random and there is no set system for me aside from just following my own intuition -- that said, I think the last ones are especially good for discovering new works and authors, so while I don’t know what kind of books or genres you prefer (which means this will all vary of course), if you want to stay away from socials entirely, then I cannot stress enough: mailing lists & newsletters are your friends!! You don’t have to sign up to everything (I’d honestly recommend against it because I think you’d end up with the same situation I found on Goodreads which is far more time spent accumulating titles than actually reading them), but keeping up with sites whose content you enjoy, or signing up to the newsletters of local or independent bookshops is, I think, a really good way of coming across new things without an AI hobbling them together for you.

For me, a lot of what I come across has been assembled from a variety of places, but I have a handful of publishers whose content I love or am always intrigued by (like Tramp Press, Fitzcarraldo, Pushkin Press, or the Dalkey Archive) so I try to keep up with their releases every now and then (I’m also more likely to read random books I stumble across if I know they published them), as well as my favourite online journals, magazines, lit archives etc., As I said, I don’t know what kind of books you like, but for me sites like Electric Lit (because of them, I found out about Norah Lange), The Marginalian (Brainpickings’ new name, and it is an absolute treasure trove), The Paris Review, LitHub, Words Without Borders, or other poem-a-day / poetry archives (Words for the Year and poetry queen @firstfullmoon ig page grieftolight especially!) are wonderful, because they expose you to so many different voices and works. I’m not a huge fan of literary prizes for various reasons, but I do pay attention to the longlist and shortlist of the Dublin Literary Prize and the Booker International because they’re not as narrow or insular as others usually are; I may not always read the titles listed immediately, but they’re filed away in my head, because the most important thing for me is to read, or be aware of in order to read, as wide a selection of books as possible.

All of this means I end up with a very chaotic mental map of the various things I want to read and explore, but the chief thing for me is that if I find something that piques my interest, I follow it -- if I’m reading an author of a particular nationality, for example, I often look up their contemporaries or others writing from the same or a similar tradition. Most of what I read is in translation also, so if a book has really caught me I look up not only the author’s other works, but the translator’s too. Because I read Adonis, I looked up Khaled Mattawa. Because I looked up Khaled Mattawa, I found Saadi Youssef and Maram al-Masri, both of whom I absolutely adored. Non-Fiction helps a lot in this too, at least for me -- as I said, I stumble across a lot of new titles when reading essays by authors I already enjoy, and it’s far more likely that I’ll pick something up if I’ve read about it beforehand. I read Geoff Dyer’s essays because I read Zadie Smith's review of them in her own essay collection; I read Natalia Ginzburg’s Family Lexicon and Enrique Vila Matas’ Dublinesque because I read Zambra; I discovered and fell in love with Stig Dagerman through a Siri Hustvedt essay and I don’t know if I have ever before felt the kind of stunned response I had when I read his writing in Burnt Child; it honestly floors me still. Again, all of this is a very random selection process but it works for me because I’m always looking to explore lots of various things at any given moment. That said, and while I don't know what facilities are like where you are or how easily you have access to them, I do genuinely believe, along with all this, that if you want to be more mindful then the most important thing I can say to you is to really, really, try to cultivate a relationship with your local library and bookstores, whenever and however you can. As I said, I accumulate a lot of titles through a lot of different places, but even through all of these, most of the books I've ended up discovering and loving have been through my local library because they're the ones who have put the book and me in the same room: I had Svetlana Alexievich on my list for a while because I came across excerpts on tumblr, but the only reason I finally got down to reading her is because the Fitzcarraldo edition of Second-hand Time was put on the display shelf. That display shelf is also the only reason I eventually discovered Zambra (also in Fitzcarraldo and so, by now, the only reason I'd discovered Fitzcarraldo). It’s where I found Camilla Gurdova, where I found Nabokov’s letters to his wife and therefore finally got around to reading him; it’s where I picked up Camus’ essays because -- again -- I know how much someone dear to me loves him; it’s how I managed to read Siri Hustvedt and therefore the only reason I found Dagerman to begin with at all. For me, that physical proximity is a vital part of the books I come across because they’re no longer something vague that I “might” read, but a real tangible thing that I can actually pick up and read right there and then; this is what makes the difference for me.

When I first started reading more seriously, I (very naively) collected so many of those ridiculous 100 Best Books of All Time Ever lists; I thought Tolstoy and various other bigwigs were something I needed to accomplish in order to be considered a Real Reader -- naturally, it was a disaster because books then became a massive and daunting chore; I couldn't finish Notes from Underground because, in reality, I wasn't ready for it -- I just wanted to tick it off a list. What I needed, and what my library allowed me to discover, were books that weren’t necessarily on those lists but that stayed with me and influenced the literature I did eventually discover: because of my library I found Helen Simpson, Ali Smith and Jenny Offill which is probably the only reason I gave up those lists and finally allowed myself to read what I wanted, when I wanted; it wasn’t the time for Notes from Underground, but it was the time to read the slim little Turgenev I found wedged on the Classics shelf and fell in love with. The first books that I ended up being challenged by were not the Big Books I always thought I had to tackle but rather things like Books Burn Badly or A Girl is a Half-Formed Thing which I never would have read otherwise. It’s because of my library that I found Mihail Sebastian, Andrés Neuman, and Tomas Tranströmer. It’s why I read Mrs Dalloway as early as I did -- because the book was there. The only reason I ended up finding Adonis (and subsequently, any of his other works as well as Mattawa’s) was because my library had him on their Poetry shelf. I very rarely actually bought books for the longest time because 90% of what I read was through my library, which I know is an insanely lucky position to be in; I lived in a well connected enough area to be able to find most of the books I was looking for (and even if they weren’t in my county, I could order them in from others easily enough).

And I think the exact same kind of unexpected but striking discoveries applies to bookstores (secondhand and independent ones especially, and I love them more for this very reason) -- again, I don’t know what you and your sister have available near you, but if you have the means to visit them then I genuinely can’t overstate how important they are, not only because of what you can find on their shelves but also because of what you can learn by forging a relationship and talking to the staff, or simply the comfort of having an emotional tie to some aspect of the community you live in. I’ve found books because the shops I love posted about a reading or book signing, or because looking up an author on their website led to suggestions I’d never even heard of but was endlessly thankful for. For me, even for all that my brain hops back and forth like a deranged little magpie hoarding new titles, the most important avenues for finding authors or works happens between titles given to me by those I’m closest to, and the places where the books are physically there. I can have a book in my head for months or even years but it’s seeing it in the bargain bin or in the middle of a precarious pile of faded spines in a secondhand bookshop that makes me bring it home, if that makes sense. This is not to detract from any of the other sources above because I understand that this is a somewhat privileged place to speak from and relies a lot, not just financially but also locally on where you are and what you have access to. But if there are local bookshops, or even just ones a short while away from you then I really think you will get so much from visiting them or placing your orders with them when you do discover new titles that have caught you, however that comes about.

In any case, this has gotten a lot lengthier than I intended, but I hope some if it has helped even just a little bit. Happy reading and (hopefully!) happy future discoveries to you and your sister xx

#ask #anonymous #book talks #beginner guides

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pushpinsheep · 3 years

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Hopefully this puts things in greater perspective because some tourists just don’t get it and need to hear this. For those who are curious and looking to travel in the future I hope you find this is informative! :) We could all use more perspective on linguistics and traveling imho. I have made some of these mistakes in the past too. We can all learn to be better guests/tourists. This mindset people have that not only is it okay for tourists to exploit and mistreat local populations, but it’s something that should be encouraged is wrong. You’re not entitled to anything special as a tourist just because you have enough money to play around somewhere “exotic” for a few weeks. Regardless of where people travel to. As a guest in someone else’s home you should put more effort into not being a total asshat. You will have a better time and you might learn something cool along the way. I will mostly be using France as an example since I live here and have more insight, but everything I say applies outside of France as well. Note: This information only applies to tourists. Immigrants and refugees are a unique situation and thus face different challenges and have different needs. A tourist chooses where to go and has time (and money) to plan for their trip, which is often only a few weeks or days. Immigrants and refugees often don’t have that same luxury and remain in the country for far longer. (in many cases permanently) Moving to a country places a greater linguistic and cultural demand on an individual. Remember to check your privilege. tourism =/= immigration/asylum. A) English is not the only language in existence. It might be a widely spoken language, but it’s not the most widely spoken language (that honor goes to Chinese) nor is it the only lingua franca. Chinese, Hindu, Spanish, French, and Arabic are all widely spoken across multiple borders and where you are on the planet will obviously dictate which one of these people go with. If you expect that to be English because your sphere of the internet happens to put you in that bubble of “my language or bust” ignorance then like... that’s on you pal. Get with the times and stop assuming everyone should just speak English. English speakers are not the only tourists and English, though widely used, is not the only other language a person might need. I have a friend from Laos who speaks absolutely no English. He doesn’t need it and never has. (even now) He speaks Lao (the regional dialects can be as different as Thai is from Laotian btw), Chinese, a bit of Thai, and French because they still use a lot of French for business dealings there. (something I didn’t know ngl) Assuming he should just speak English because “everyone else does” is ignorant. It’s rude. It puts no thought into his situation. It’s entitled. He’s traveled to visit friends in England and he has an English phrase book. He doesn’t need a lot of English so like... the phrase book is absolutely perfect. Most of what he does in England is sight see and speak Chinese with his friends. Be more like my friend from Laos. B) Official languages may not be the only language a country speaks within its borders. Regional and native languages exist and expecting the locals to speak a 3rd language on top of all that is unbelievably entitled. France has a number of them. There are people who are born and raised in France who don’t speak French in their day to day life. (or at all) Basque, Breton, Occitan, Alsatian, Yiddish, Ladino, Arabic and a number of others are all spoken within French borders. Many are at risk of being permanently lost (that’s why our new regional language law is important btw) and as a result a greater emphasis is placed on preserving them as opposed to learning something new. Most people have to learn the official language as it’s the only language a lot of countries will accept for paperwork, but anything else is up to the individual and you can suck an egg if you don’t like that. (this also applies to immigrants and refugees btw) Heck there are places in the US where people don’t even speak English day to day! Some places actually speak French or Spanish. I heard more Spanish in my day to day life than I did English where I grew up in NC! (moved to Florida and Spanish exploded. loved it!) C) Borders are a thing. People working and living across borders exist and English is often not the language they chose to go with as a result. France borders Germany, Spain, Italy, Belgium, England, and Switzerland. People who share these borders often choose to go with these languages. English is in there, but please note it’s not the only one. D) Culturally speaking a country may not like [insert common language here] and as a result may refuse to speak it. That’s entirely their choice. If you don’t like that then don’t visit the country. It’s really that easy. Colonialism is often a major factor at play in these situations. Respect that choice. You do not get a say in how people reclaim their identity. As for France? This might come as a shock to some people, but France doesn’t like England. I’m 100% certain these two places exist solely to punch each other in the nuts. (ball tap. an international past time) As a result getting English people to speak French or French people to speak English is about as easy as pulling your own teeth. I’ve been spit on for speaking English because people here just assume I’m from England or they hate “annoying Americans” and after seeing how y’all responded to the last post I made... yeah I totally get it now. Granted, that’s no excuse for someone being hostile, but it is something to keep in mind when you visit and applies to more than just France too. E) Retail workers and small shop owners don’t owe you shit. You have absolutely no right waltzing into a shop and demanding the staff speak your language (I don’t care how common it is) for the two weeks you’ve decided to play around in their home. Always ask them first. If they can’t or choose not to then tough luck. This is why a phrase book is important!

Retail workers and small shop owners get treated like shit enough. Some of y’all have never worked retail a day in your life and WOW does it show. Please respect retail workers and small shop owners. You don’t know what their day or life has been like. If they’re tired and don’t want to speak to you in a foreign language then that’s their right. I have had no issues using my phone or a phrase book to help communicate concepts when there is a language barrier. (and I fucking live in France. I’m not even visiting) Emergencies also happen and a phrase book or medical card in the native and/or official language is absolutely essential! Even if you just have an allergy to something! This is a great way to stay safe! When you visit another country being aware of and researching cultural differences includes linguistic differences. Tourists are guests. You don’t live here, you don’t get a say. Remember, learning a second language (esp if you don’t use it often) is really hard. If you’re visiting a country do not expect them to just use whatever language you speak. Mind you a phrase book is also important because people within a country may not have a strong grasp on English even if they do speak it. You can very easily get lost or injured without a phrase book to help you. These things allow you to better experience a country and communicate without actually having to learn the entire language... or any of it. And, once again, they exist for free online! You do not need to learn an entire language to visit somewhere, but you need to be prepared for there to be a barrier. People assuming I mean you need to learn a whole language are uh... really something else. Like do you guys think half the people bending over backwards to communicate with you know the full language? Go ahead. Fuck around and find out. ;) Obviously I’m not saying you should be treated poorly when visiting if you don’t know the language. Unfortunately no matter how much effort you put in there will always be someone who’s a jerk and I’m sorry for that. All I’m saying is as a tourist you owe it to yourself and others to be better prepared. Trust me. You’ll have a better time in the end. (and if you did the research you’d find that Paris is not the best first place to visit... even if you’re french lol) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS64ZT4eWUA Please watch this guy’s video. It is hilarious and touches on a lot of the same points I just made. Thank you for your time. :) ---------------- Cultural tidbit for those who are curious about where I live in France: I live in Alsace currently! (moved from Lyon, but my spouse is from here) In Alsace you might meet people who speak English, but it’s also entirely likely you won’t! Alsace is also a very tourist heavy area because it looks like a German fairy tale and has a lot of tiny villages with cool stuff to do! I highly recommend visiting here over Paris! We have so many storks! (clackclackclack)

Our logo is a pretzel!

That being said, Alsace has its own regional language!

It’s not uncommon to see bilingual signage or to pass someone on the street and hear them speaking Alsatian. You’ll usually hear it from older people, children, or those from rural areas. It’s really fun to listen to and absolutely wild to see written on museum signs! Kids here will start school learning French, regardless of what they speak at home, which has resulted in a downswing of Alsatian speakers in recent years. That’s why the new regional language law I mentioned waaaaaay above is so important. It’ll allow schools to teach most of the day in Alsatian instead of French with the goal being fully bilingual adults! :) As of right now, most kids here choose German or English (depending on the school) as their second language. Some kids pick Alsatian and honestly? Good for them! I’m glad!

#sheep.txt #long text post #very long #txt #traveling #france #alsace #europe #tourism #language #languages

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dantelionwishes · 3 years

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life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs!

MIDDLE SCHOOL

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED–

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad)

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse

“口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless)

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha oc comeback #mha #bnha oc #mha oc #lionhe(art)#I know I havent exactly written stuff from meeting toshinori onwards #but thats for another day!!#I only ever wrote Sato's backstory pre meeting all might #yet all I drew as a teen was them as a couple lMAOOO #idk if anyone would wanna read that but honestly iM SURE THE STUDENTS WANT THAT SPICY RELATIONSHIP INFO JHSDJGHAJHJK #my 17-year old self would have been happy in my place ;;3;; !!!!!#i finally got to share his lore!! that was a lot so if you seriously read it all thank you so much aaaaaaaaaaaa #Osamu sato-sensei

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

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8 Anti LO Asks

1. Nah but i agree tho, hermes and persephone in lo just have more chemistry and actual history/compatibility that she just doesnt have with hades, and the same can be said with hades and hera. its just wild the whole point of the comic is supposed to be about hxp and yet theyre so boring//illogical meanwhile decent writing goes into them being with other people.

2. LO is supposed to have modern values, yet the gods, or at least hades, are authoritarians? like the denizens of the underworld do not like him, so they have every right to question persephone and see if shes actually going to be a good queen to maybe make their lives better and not just someone to aide in hades' abuses of powers, and it's pointing towards the latter. how is this "progressive' if it promotes absolute monarchs are allowed to do whatever they want and face no consequences for it?

3. so much of what could have been interesting design symbolism is just gone. persephone and hades were dressed in white and black to look like a bride and groom? now every guy wears a black suit and the women all wear white, no matter the relationship. the red eyes are to symbolize persephone's inner darkness and feelings? theyre just slapped on at random now. her hair length lost all meaning. persephone isnt even a unique color anymore. any thought that was once there is just gone now.

4. good lord the person who interviewed rachel for that fancast is kissing her ass hard, arent they? people have been fancasting their stuff for years now, even when it's just for themselves, she's hardly the first or most important person to do so, esp when it comes with some, ahem, rather racist undertones. why are most if not the only people of color the villains or hypersexual compared to the pale and pure persephone? rachel please check your internalized biases here for a second, please.

5. Maybe it's unwarrented, but the non-greek names of some of the nymphs pisses me off to no end, and I'm not even Greek. They feel so out of place! Why does EVERYTHING have to be Americanized?!?!

6. the flying stuff persephone does also is such a dumb cop out? like one of the most iconic things in myth is the chariots and their animals, including demeter having flying snakes. plus shes not even unique in it either? like hermes flies, so does zeus and hades and im sure basically everyone else, so who cares? how is it a big deal if persephone does it? doesnt that also just make the powers of the gods less unqiue? like so whats so special about hermes then?

7. does anyone know why hxps first meeting was retconned tho? bc them meeting with cerberus is still something webtoons clings to advertise it yet thats not canon anymore bc they met way earlier with persephone being naked, him drunk, and her possibly being underage at the time too?? like theres so many dumb writing choices in this series but retconning the one iconic part in nearly 4 years of publishing for a creepy new version that just makes the series more confusing is so??? why???

8. Okay the shading on Persephones outfit with her pink skin tone makes the outfit look pink as Well.

Also lmao Hades outfit makes him look like a military dictator not a king. The tassels on the coat make it seem like hes going to war not to court.... Well I guess he is sorta declaring war on Zeus by not backing him and protecting Persephone - whos currently a "traitor to the triarchy".

(Also why is Persephone so Tiny next to him?? I can't be the only one who thinks she looks like a child?? Or young teen and not a young woman?)

Whyre people getting mad at Demeter? Shes a mom. She was worried about Persephone. And yeah, maybe the questions arent the "most pressing" but if I was Demeter I too would be wondering where my (basically) teen daughter was staying (with a friend or 40 yr old man who you barely know).

And considering Demeters insistence on whether Perse was with Hecate makes me think Hecate lied to Demeter - so shes likely covering Hades and Kore's asses because she knows its creepy and that if Demeter knew the truth she would (rightfully) freak out. (And I would also be concerned with why the underworld staff are referring to my daughter who I haven't seen in weeks as "my lady" and (I know she didnt hear this, but) why the king of the underworld is referring to Perse as "his wife" even mistakenly).

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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smalltragedy · 3 years

Text

* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hllo this is my second child i think theyre p grand n i love them a lot. as always pls like if u’d like to plot i’d lov to interact with everybody

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

mbti & temperament: esfp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: homosexual.

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

#( gabriel de leon. ) about. / imaginary enemy.#irvingintro #violence tw

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDBpb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCTwq/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHUxHb/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHDxww/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCtVm/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeHHCvo3/

She's hilarious but there's two videos where she starts to speak more mumblingly

ok first of all these are brilliant and i'm losing my mind and i love you, thank you for curating these to me.

i will transcribe them in a bit but i just felt the need to leave this "little" (it's long sorry) note:

as someone who's been raised catholic i just want to say that she is pretty wrong about almost everything she said about catholics, and i say that as someone who hates catholicism with my whole mind body and soul and who's been traumatized by this stupid fucking faith to the point where i can't get into a church without breaking into sobs dauihdasiuh. the catholic guilt is real but catholics are absolutely allowed to divorce and use contraceptives, and also have sex before marriage. the first one is met with some guilt esp from women altho honestly i think it's more due to mysoginist reasons than religious reasons, and the second and third ones are commonpractice and if you say that it's wrong and bad everyone will think you're a fucking weirdo

and even with the divorce thing, while the guilt is there (im pretty sure half the reason my mom doesn't divorce is because she would feel guilty about it, although again, i feel like that's got very little to do with religion and way more with internalized mysoginy), i cannot stress enough that divorce is allowed, almost everyone i know has divorced parents and they're all catholics. the church's official position is kinda weird (as of now pope francis basically said that it's "morally necessary" in some cases but he also referred to ppl who divorced and remarried as "imperfect", but like, it hasn't been forbidden for years, so much so that people get second marriages at catholic churches literally all the time, and i kinda feel like ppl overestimate how much ppl care about what the pope says. at least here in latam, cuz we've always kind of freestyled religion since it was imposed on us anyway, but like... in my experience the average catholic practitioner is INCREDIBLY less conservative than the vatican and i feel like most people don't even know what the pope says or doesn't say. and i'm saying that as someone whose grandfather almost became a priest and only gave that up because he fell in love with my grandmother, and he's been a ferverent catholic his entire life. also two of his kids divorced, one married a divorced woman, one is gay and living together without marriage with his divorced boyfriend, one never married, and one had two kids before marriage which necessarily means that they fucked, and none of that was ever a problem to him. oh, also, my dad had divorced AND he was a buddhist when him and my mom married. currently he is a spiritist)

i think it might be possible that u technically have to ask for "permission" to the church to remarry in church, but in practice i think it's more of a ritualistic thing than actually asking for permission, cuz i've never met a single person who had them say no. it was pretty much "hey local bishop guy so my husband sucked and we divorced can i marry again" "sure lol". obviously it sucks that you even have to ask, but it's nowhere near as strict as people seem to think

the contraceptive thing is also absurd. like i cannot stress enough that my family would absolutely flip if they found out i DIDN'T use contraception. that was always something that my family reinforced very strongly, ESPECIALLY my grandpa. i've never met a single catholic who does not teach their kids to use contraceptives. my high school was catholic (literally named the Holy Cross, fun times, although they didn't impose the faith or anything. in fact almost half of the students in that school are jewish, but like, still, there was a priest in the school board) and we were taught to use contraceptives, put the condom in a banana and the whole pizzazz during biology class

like yeah the bible says not to but it also says not to mix different fabrics and that doesn't mean it's actually a thing that's reinforced in most catholic communities doaihdaj at least not here in latam. in here non-catholic christians are actually way more hardcore about the puritanism rules than catholics are, particularly evangelicals, which are kind of overtaken the catholics' traditional role of being colonialist fuckers as they are mostly from the US so they come to further US imperialism through religion here. watch out catholic church they're coming for ur crown

and even outside of puritanism, "non practicing catholics" are absolutely a thing like ppl who are catholic but don't even pray or go to church, much less care about that shit douahdsaohj so like the stereotype that all catholics are like the very small minority of hardcore catholics is like the stereotype that every muslim lives by the ultra-conservative muslim rules. it's not true and it's stereotypical and taking the minority ultra conservatives to be the rule when they are not

there's also the fact that there are many different currents of thought inside the catholic church (a little bit like with judaism although way less flexible than judaism is), some of which are very conservative, some of which are progressive. here in latam in particular the teology of liberation is extremely popular (it's the one my family subscribes to, and i'm pretty sure it was actually born here in latam) and it's pretty progressive. for catholics, that is

and like mandatory disclaimer that i am coming from my own experiences with latam catholicism, which i feel is different from other catholic countries - my polish friends for example have experiences with catholicism that are a lot closer to those stereotypes than mine ever were - but since most of the catholic population in the world is brazilian (like me), and second place goes to mexicans, i feel pretty comfortable taking it as a ruler to measure general catholic practices

with that being said, however, the catholic church can choke and die in a fire as it is a symbol of colonialism first and foremost, its proselitism is one of the worst things ever, and even the progressive currents are still way too damn conservative for my tastes. i just don't feel comfortable transcribing something that i know is incorrect and stereotypical (and that in some cases is used to further oppression like with the Irish in the UK or armenian catholics, and i've even had some US-diaspora latinos hear some incredible things from gringos who assumed they were catholic, or, in their beautiful words, "had latino religion". but obviously in most cases catholics are the oppressors, especially here in the third world)

also, her assessment in the third video is absolutely correct. A/B/O IS just conservative gender roles born of christian and catholic imposition transposed to a fictional world where the genders have slightly different names, which is why i, as a rule, hate it dauhdsaiuhdauhda and even though the assessment that catholicism is thaaat much more conservative than other christian religions (it's absolutely not, it's Exactly As Conservative) isn't true, catholicism is still where most if not all of western conservative rethoric is born of, and ugh, it's so refreshing to see someone understand this and put it into words so well

so yeah keep that note in mind but anyway, transcriptions:

[Video transcription #1: in reply to a tiktok question, which says, "now i'm thinking about the catholic guilt that would come with it oh my god". user @Omarsbigsister is saying, "good morning", she then covers her mouth as she starts to laugh, before continuing, "I guess I'm the religious omegaverse tiktoker now. I did not know catholic guilt was more than just sex, I thought it was just about sex, but nO. people who are catholic, if you don't know, they get guilt over every little thing, they get guilty when they eat, they have guilt when, like... [dismissive gesture] they have fun... it's messed up *cut* [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] in which you HAVE to be bonded before... *sticks tongue out* *cut* and catholics, from what i know, uhm, cannot get divorced, so you can't be unbonded, you're stuck for life with that alpha or omega, and then you can't use contraceptives so if you have a heat or rut, good luck, you cannot escape it, and on top of that, they preach abstinence, right, so if you're having a heat or rut in your teen years you just gotta deal with it alone like you are not allowed to be bonded, so, that would be really intense."

#2: in response to a question, which said, "follow up question: if in the real world hijabis are women, in ABO universe would hijabis be omegas of all genders?". the user is shown stroking her chin in contemplative silence for a long time, before she says, "actually, both men and women have to wear a hijab, it's just more visible on women, but men also have to cover from like, the neck all the way down... so like when you see them [mumbling i don't understand, sorry] that's their hijab. *cut* Islam is actually treating men and women, like, fairly somewhat equally, so, I feel like in omegaverse alphas, betas, and omegas would all be held to the same standards, and alphas and omegas would also be held by the same standards but then culture would ruin it, just like western culture has ruined it. for your other question. 'would muslim families prefer betas more, and would betas be spiritual leaders', i feel like everyone prefers betas more, but then also Islam came to like, uplift women [a written note then shows up, which says, "like girls are seen as a blessing to have as kids"], so like omegas would be seen as like, a blessing to have as a child.

#3: in response to another tiktok question, which says, "fun fact bestie you cannot get divorced in the catholic religion even if your spouse is abusive and horrible to you so in omegaverse how would that work?". she replies, "the reason that Abrahamic religions seemingly fit so well into the omegaverse universe is because catholicism specifically and christianity, uhm, all the gender norms and all the cultural norms especially in the west came from catholicism and christianity, they were forced on people, and then you know, people might not be religious, but the norms stay. but now you have omegaverse which is basically just a bunch of like youth exploring the youth through this, like, werewolf fanfiction trope, using all these gender roles that you have in society on their head, so, really, what i'm saying, is that... omegaverse is just catholicism fanfiction"

#4: she looks at the camera and says, "getting islamophobic comments is one thing, but getting islamophobic comments that say that muslims cannot be in the omegaverse".... she then breaks into laughter for a solid 30 seconds

#5: she is shown reading out loud, in a mock-outraged face, a tweet that says, "about to murder tiktok they try to make Ramadan a 'quirky' trend. it's a religious holiday. stop it, get some help. /srsly /g.", then a follow-up tweet, which says, "saw a tweet saying on tiktok they are asking questions about how ramadan would work in omegaverse. i'm done with y'all, just say you disrespect muslims and go". then another tweet by a different user, which says, "i tried to read, i got secondhand embarrassment-" they then break out of character and say, "oh, that's fair," before going back, "if it wasn't ramadan i'd be boxing those people right now. those people should be ashamed to even think that way wtf". then another, which replies, "well i'm not celebrating it, so as a non-muslim, i'll happily box them". then, back to her normal voice, she says, "i really was just making a silly little tiktok and seeing that stuff really hurts... i'm just kidding, i can't keep a straight face. you like minecraft youtubers, what are you gonna do to me? what are you gonna do to me?"

#6: in reply to a tiktok ask, which said, "prince philip was an omega". she slowly films herself as she takes a walk, finds the nearest trash bin, and tosses the phone there, before putting the lid over the box. end ID]

#i hope u dont take that as me being mad at u anon #honestly i could care less if ppl offended catholics #i just dont like spreading misinformation and once i started writing i couldnt stop #the videos are still amazing and spot on tho except for the first one #long post #discourse #catholicism tw

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masterthespianduchovny · 4 years

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Steve, Bucky, and Peggy: The Love Triangle that Isn’t

There is a popular narrative among a certain crowd that Steggy only happened so Steve isn’t perceived as gay or having feelings for Bucky. And maaaaaybe this is true, but honestly, I don’t agree.

Peggy was supposed to be the great love of Steve’s life that never got to happen due to circumstance. And then comes along Sharon who is supposed to be his great next love. But, what happened is that not that many people were interested and, funny enough, more were drawn to Steve’s reaction about Peggy—him visiting her and her later dying than they actually have a fuck about Staron or whatever the ships name is.

Coincidentally, this is the SAME movie that Bucky as winter soldier is reintroduced in. The movie where they try to establish a new romantic relationship for Cap and have us met the new Bucky, which the former isn’t Bucky.

What happened is this: fans essentially completely rejected Sharon and salivated for Bucky and this devotion Steve had towards him. It was a shipper’s dream the way Steve behaved. BUT, Steve and Bucky was never on the menu and it was never teased canonically.

I cannot say if the actors or those connected to the MCU queerbaited fans, but actors and connected employees have the habit of trying to be supportive of fans and ships by entertaining things they aren’t necessarily invested in or care about all that much. Some of that is because they appreciate the fans enthusiasm and the other part is it being apart of the job to have enthusiastic fans.

It reminds me how how John Boyega supported two/three ships on Star Wars, but it wasn’t necessarily because he was a shipper himself. The only actor in the current series who seems like an actual shopper is the one who plays Poe.

So, after they got rid of Sharon in the third cap “movie”, they had to figure out what to do about his love interest. Again, the only significant and canonical one people gravitated to was Peggy, but she was dead. BUT, there was also a consistent thread about Cap’s feelings for her. Almost every movie that desires cap prominently has some small scene or moment that references her.

So, for people to act like Peggy was Sharon is dishonest. Or how they want to act like Peggy was some random girl. Peggy met Steve before he was cap—I know, I know, Bucky did too—but, this is important because it sets up their relationship about how she cared for him and took him seriously as a person even then. Her feelings grew romantic as did his, but their feelings was based on friendship and their mutual respect for one another. Peggy also helped Steve to defy orders to do what he felt was right, so they share values as well. I believe all this happened over a span of two years.

When she is in the hospital Steve regularly visits her and is distraught when she dies. His behavior is a call back to that old fashioned romanticized love in which one half of a spouse is loyal, dedicated, and (always) by their beside. Despite Steve still having g his youth and presumably young, interested women clamoring for him, he is devoted to Peggy and takes time out of his week to visit her. When she dies, he’s even her pallbearer.

This behavior is more than “a connection to the past.” I guess since it’s muted and not fighting to save someone you care about at all cost, it doesn’t read a love or romantic.

But, it’s clearly established that Steve’s love has never faded and even though he has young women interested in him, he’d rather sit by the side of his 90 year old (former) love.

We even see him carrying a locket with her picture in it as well. The MCU has gone out of its way to show how very real Steve’s feelings are.

Enter in Bucky.

When we first meet Bucky, we see he’s the best friend of Steve. The charming ladies man who exudes confidence. He looks out for Steve, esp because Steve likes to get up for trouble when standing up for his values. Yet, neither Steve nor Bucky are particularly attached to one another—meaning to subtext of homoeroticism that speaks to deeper feelings known or unknown.

We could argue that Steve’s feelings became prominences, but not known to him, when he saw Bucky again, but I’ll continue to lay out for my reasoning for not believing that.

Winter soldier sets for the foundation of how captain American went from a loyal patriot to questioning and distrusting his government. Despite his camaraderie with the avengers, he still feels alone and like a man out of time. He leans on his patriotism to get him through this totally unique and indescribable experience. But, I’m the second movie, he’s on the run from that very same government and is finding out about their secrets and lies.

During this time he runs into Bucky, his best friend who he thought died.

We must keep in mind that Cap’s two direct connections to the past in this moment are both Peggy and Bucky. We see his loyalty to Peggy due to reasons I mentioned, but there is another factor going on with Bucky: it’s him, but it’s NOT him.

It was completely disorienting for Cap to see a man who was supposed to be dead and in his 90s looking youthful and a unrelenting killer. There was no way they was the Bucky Cap knew. Cap has to get to the bottom of what happened to Bucky and, later, avenge his friend. His autonomy and agency was violated, he was experimented on, and brought back to life to be a trained killer.

Of course Steve feels that deeply, especially because he underwent a similar experiment, but willingly and retained his agency and independence. But, it’s also about corrupting the past for Steve. The way the government manipulates and pushes things forth for the agenda. There’s levels to this.

Then, when Bucky saved Steve, and then disappeared, Steve was largely fine, but concerned about Bucky. And why wouldn’t he be? Bucky almost killed him, saved him, and then left—he doesn’t know how Bucky is dealing and coping with what happened to him. How could he know?

Steve fighting and protecting Bucky in his third movie and, eventually, fighting against Tony is about how we shouldn’t punish an exploited person for something that were manipulated into doing. And how they’re being used as patsy’s to shift blame. Bucky was a victim in the second and third movie. Bucky needed someone to stand up for and advocate for him, which only Steve did.

I mean, did Bucky deserve to die for something he had no choice over? Or imprisoned?

That doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have been two men in love, but once Cap knows he’s safe and protected—meaning, he’s allowed to make a “full” mental and emotional recovery without further exploitation—Cap doesn’t worry or obsess over Bucky. Bucky was on the way to regaining agency and independence and that’s all that cap wanted.

Once Bucky looks happy and healthy when they see each other again, cap goes to treated him like he did in first avenger.

And I fill that this must be pointed out: some friends do go above and beyond for people who 1. Have mental illnesses, no systems in place to assist them, and no advocates other than them 2. Someone who has been harmed/manipulated/exploited, is triggered, and potentially down spiraling. 3. PTSD.

Steve is being a damn good friend and advocate to/for Bucky.

With that being said, some don’t feel that stucky was going to be canon, but that the MCU went out of its way to prove Steve was straight. As a reminder, the Steve and Peggy thread has been CONSISTENT since day one. Since Sharon failed, they wanted to find a love interest for Steve’s endgame, no pun intended. Personally, I think that they went Natasha/Steve because Natasha/Bruce doesn’t work. I understand Natasha and Steve has a great friendship for the “why can’t men and women be friends” crowd, but Natasha also has other male friends, sooo....

To use Star Wars as an example again, this isn’t Poe and Keri Russell’s character who exists solely to prove Poe is STRAIGHT.

Peggy was never created to be someone who existed to prove Steve’s sexuality, but she was someone he was in love with and never stopped loving. She was someone that we knew Steve loved deeply and could never get over.

I know people feel that Steve going back undermines his values both in the comics and the series, which I fee is valid. But, honestly, Steve has spent a good chunk of protecting others and putting his life on the line. We see many of the other avengers be in relationships, have families, and overall fulling lives and Steve just has the avengers.

Which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, but he’s allowed to want more than that. His life shouldn’t be dictated by if he can be of service to others.

Steve didn’t “abandon” anyone. Most of the avengers are adults who don’t need Steve. He may have been the leader, but anyone in the group can be the leader. There are other heroes.

And Bucky doesn’t need him.

Bucky understand all that cap went through and sacrificed. He doesn’t need cap to always near and hold his hand. That’s not how friendships work. That’s not how families work or, at least, healthy ones.

I’m fine with people who ship stucky, but this animosity against Steggy and Peggy is ridiculous. No movie or show owes you an open ending so you can ship who you want. From what I can recall, there was no canonical queerbaiting (I believe Chris Evans supported both ships, but I think Steggy more). And Peggy isn’t some random woman or a woman he knew for three seconds, she was important to him and their relationship meaningful to him for the rest of his life.

#steggy #peggy carter #steve rodgers #captain america

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mysticalmusicwhispers · 4 years

Text

APH China Musings

When I start thinking about China, and sometimes countries in general, I get this total disconnect between how the anime/manga portrays the country (especially China) and how a lot of headcanons have them as, especially reading headcanons and art about ancient days.

Ok China-specific content below (headcanons at the very end): Very long post warning

Most of the canon shows him as a sort of weird old grandpa who doesn’t really have all his nuts and bolts in his brainpan and pretends to be cool or whatever (when he’s really not) while his kids all mock him. That APH China has a soft spot for cute things and can’t really understand the others ig, which again kinda makes him a laughingstock for his kids. But, the headcanons I’ve read show him as a really manipulative, sly Old Man who enters contracts/treaties/friendships to benefit him, not for the sake of being kind, and doesn’t really see everybody else on an even level with him which... clashes somewhat to a lot with the canon. HOWEVER, this cunning, darker (?) version of him is way more historically accurate... I like certain things from both versions (and I also like being historically accurate as much as possible) and the fact that headcanons vs canon is so contrasting makes it kinda hard to have one concrete China for my headcanons, it’s like he has split personalities or something lol.

Side note: I’ve never heard/known of anyone Chinese ever saying -aru in English, so... It might be just a voice tic of Chinese people when speaking Japanese, but I sort of get annoyed when it’s added in every other sentence he says in a fanfic. He doesn’t talk like that in the English dubbed anime either, and it seems that the English translations of the manga have also omitted the -aru (except for one strip I believe, correct me if I’m wrong). So please don’t add it in fanfics unless you want the characters to all be speaking Japanese with their own unique voice tics.

However, I do like some parts of the canon portrayal, SUCH AS: his doing tai chi every morning, the portrayal of his relationship with Japan before the “betrayal”, and apparently how he “isn't one to waste a second of time” (from the wiki). So in my head, I try to meld the canon and Sly Old Man together, because I like some aspects of China that may not be explained by either the country’s history, culture, or stereotypes, and honestly I feel like some parts of a country’s personality can just appear spontaneously; you don’t need to be able to explain every part of you from your past experience or the people and country that you make up and represent.

Without further ado, the Headcanons!

- MORNING PERSON, does the whole tai chi thing in the morning with the birds in his garden or something, finds it very relaxing, and then goes back inside for an actual breakfast (I have no idea what he’d eat because Chinese cuisine varies A LOT from region to region, ex. in the north/Beijing region there’s usually soy milk, “Chinese oil stick” which is basically like salty fried dough sticks, and “tofu brains” <-- literal translation, it’s a sort of soupy thing with very soft tofu (very good). In the south, there’s a lot of sweet meats and dim sum, almost like a mini lunch sort of thing, etc.) He’d also drink tea, and never adds sugar (I don’t think restaurants in China ever actually give you sugar packets with tea)

- I feel like he’d be a CAT PERSON nowadays dogs as pets have become more popular in China but before, cats were more common (I think) because of their usefulness as pest control and the fact that they can get their own food; dogs weren’t really kept except to be guard dogs. I feel he’d have gotten used to cats, and also he’d enjoy a quiet pet’s company more

- ANCIENT DAYS/RELATIONSHIPS: He’d probably be slightly manipulative, and ENTER relationships for a trade benefit/power/control/good stuff, but if the relationship goes well and the person is charming (Rome cough cough), he’d slowly warm up and become real friends after a while.

- I agree with the Sly Old Man treatment of COLONIES/TRIBUTE STATES, he’d probably just protect them for the benefits instead of actual Love (but isn’t that what all countries do these days). I do see him as very patronizing to his underlings, because of a) his age and him thinking that he’s seen it all with his dynasty changes and wars and stuff and b) Confucianism, which said to respect your elders and all that, so I think it’d make him slightly full of himself and patronizing (the wiki says this is also his current attitude and I can see that). But I see a situation similar to the relationship one playing out here; as he gets more and more contact with a tribute state he actually grows closer to them in the Normal Human Feeling way, so that would explain his feeling of betrayal when Japan left (literally back-stabbing him), as well as his feeling sad (not just because he lost a trade partner and revenue maker) when Korea was taken. For his tribute states, my headcanon for their relationship is pretty much summed up in this post (esp his relationship with Korea, but also Japan a bit): https://stirringwinds.tumblr.com/post/119403708770/tsk-look-at-you-all-battered-and-bruised-its (patronizing but still caring)

- VERY PRAGMATIC AND EXTREMELY BLUNT. I have no explanation, he just seems like this kind of person (and according to the wiki, he “isn't one to waste a second of time”). Doesn’t care at all if he offends you, intentionally or not (unless he’s trying to impress, of course).

- VERY TRADITIONAL. He probably knows at least a handful of traditional instruments, pipa, ma tou qin, gu zheng, erhu, xun, etc. And will roast people on the internet if they play them wrong (a while back at some really fancy gathering, there was a performer who was in front, mind you, playing a yu (wind instrument) upside down and totally wrong, and that caused a huge firestorm in Chinese social media. I’d like to think China would have been one of those people to be like “what are you doing you know you just made a fool of yourself right?” Incidentally, there’s also an idiom related to the yu that is literally about playing it wrong (literally it’s something like one bad apple can be covered up in a sea of good ones but one by one, people will see you’re bad))

- TRADITIONAL pt. 2: good at calligraphy and also very good at guessing dui lian (apparently called antithetical couplets) hung up during the Lunar New Year. Also adhering to tradition, he gathers up everybody for every single big Chinese/Asian festival to eat together. I know Japan doesn’t interact much with China and China still feels betrayed by him in the manga (the Japanese and Chinese relationship nowadays still isn’t the greatest/closest for multiple reasons) but I’m going to take liberties (and my heart needs fluff). Also, if China invites/drags everybody but Japan to his house, I feel like that’s awkward and one of his kids/siblings would get Japan to come anyway. There would be a lot of arguing at the dinner, about food, politics, memes (from HK), trends, or anything really, but it’s all in good fun, yeah?

- MODERN POLITICS: still a bit of Sly Old Man, and probably very stuck in his ways. Some countries he doesn’t really respect. For example, he doesn’t see America as a fully respectable adult, probably because a) he’s still older and b) I think China agrees with his government’s structure to a point? Like with the way he suffered during the collapse of the Qing Dynasty (Boxer Rebellion, WWI, etc.) I think he’d take any system (including communism) that worked and improved people’s lives. At heart, I think China wants to do what’s right for the people, and at the time, the Communist Party promised that people’s lives would get better under their leadership, and for some, it did. That convinced so many people to take their promise, and I think China would have supported it at the time. As well as, I believe that country’s perspectives of their government is /somewhat/ influenced or warped by their people’s perspective, and /most/ people in China are /okay/ satisfied with the central govt. (not extending this to regional govts, that’s kinda a different issue). So I see China (as a character) being mostly satisfied, and America’s criticism and complaints about him pretty much bounce off, because China doesn’t see his comments worthy of respecting, especially because his govt. is doing ok from his point of view. There are definitely things that need working on, but he won’t take US criticism.

- SLY OLD MAN pt. 2: Basically the same as the tribute state thing, he’ll help you out initially to get your benefits, but if you last long enough, he’ll gradually grow friendship feelings. I feel like this is what real China is trying to do with the “Belt and Road”, basically spreading influence to less developed countries, although it may not be working out. Sort of like manipulation, which also fits in with the Sly Old Man thing.

- I can see why Hima originally designed China as being a bit cold, because I feel if he doesn’t need you, he won’t really talk to you. Although as mentioned above, I also see him start to care for somebody once he takes the effort to get to know you, and will probably care for his close friends long after they’re actually needed.

- I agree with the canon that he can GET ANNOYED EASILY AND SNAPS A LOT, but I see this happening only with people he thinks aren’t interesting enough, are below him, or don’t get him (or are just incessantly annoying).

- Also a bit EGOTISTICAL, but doesn’t show most of the time. Unless you happen to mention a recent achievement, and then he’ll go “Haha! I did that ____ (pick a number from 1,000 to 4,000) years ago!” or something and probably roast you

- SENTIMENTAL OLD SOUL: often reminisces about the past when alone, or with someone he truly trusts (that used to be Japan, but...). Slips into “how did the world get like this?” sometimes to a lot. Feels lonely sometimes too, and can be found stargazing on his front stoop at night

- RELAXING: if he doesn’t have work, he’ll just relax at his house, probably take a long bath/shower and just do nothing, maybe play some sort of instrument for fun, go into his garden and paint/walk around and enjoy the flowers, or watch some new addictive show. If he feels like working, he’ll cook dinner for all his kids/siblings and invite them over (this will also be done if he thinks one is overworking)

Ok those are all the headcanons for now, but probably will be more to come. My love for this Old Man is infinite <3. If you want, reblog/submit/comment your own aph China headcanons! Do you think I did him justice?

#aph china #musings #aph china headcanons #long ass post #long post #aph #hetalia #hws #headcanons

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lcnguor · 4 years

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mik Age: 26 Contact: IM, discord, smoke signal, whatever.

Character(s) I rp: Nora, Spike. Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Nora, most likely Current Fandom(s): Fandomless Fandom(s) you have an AU for: pretty much everything I find around and hop on. My language(s): spanish, english. Themes I’m interested in for rp: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: modern without supernatural, I do have some fantasy set up but eh.

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?: YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?: 24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?: IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: ask, IM, discord, singing telegram, smoke signals, messeger pidgeos -- whatever dude. I will most likely talk and ramble a lot, I do like plotting and I squeeze my brains out to think in ways to rp with ppl. and I really suck at approaching others. really...

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner: Ideas and somewhat more enthusiasm than me. I tend to shy away or feel very much awkward right off the bat if the person approaches me with not much to say or give. And honestly, some people really intimidate me because I am too hard on myself, so giving a bit of a pat on the back makes me relax more. I deal with a lot of anxiety and I know people run away the second I show it.

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?: Mostly when I am doing the talk or coming with ideas or looking generally more interested. It takes effort for me to get on things and actually do stuff but if it’s not the other way around I end up thinking they got bored of me. I am one hell of insecure person. As for what I do, if after many tries of trying to reach another person and end up feeling rejected or ignored, then ... I stop. What’s the point of insisting if the other person would just be awkward or not spare you a word?

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?: well, I usually ask first what the other thinks or have in mind, if nothing, I either suggest or start brainstorming with the other person. I know some who have dealt with me at first I seem like a dettached person but not having ideas really makes me feel like I have not much right to talk. I want to give yet without impossing or letting it twist my arm. I know for a fact nora’s lore really doesn’t help shit for most things.

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if the thread was meaningful and we were really into it , then I would ask but as for the most, I don’t really bother with it. Sometimes people just lose muse, and even if I was enjoying it, I don’t have the right to force someone or ask why they stopped. thread dropping is normal, i guess. - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?: whatever they want. telling me or not is up to them, I don’t really mind. RP is not something SUPER serious like it should be just perfect. I try to convice myself of this a lot.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?: either because it was old as fuck, I couldn’t find muse or because it was lost in the void of tumblr’s amazing tracking system. - Will you tell your partner?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you? YES / NO. - And why?: if I do not have some idea of who am i rping with and what they have in mind, then it’s nearly impossible. being purely IC is really uncomfortable and could lead to a lot of misundertandings. - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?: yeah. mostly yeah -- I mean, I will feel bad, I do have feelings, but I will take it with water. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way? YES ( but I will feel bad anyways ) / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?: connect with others, ramble a lot about characters, have fun. I’ve been rping since i was 12 ( back then it was not big deal your age apparently ) and having to connect with other people by making these plots and stories and just having a fun time is something that brings me joy. There’s so much that can be done. And exploring my muses with other muses influences is really helpful to fill the holes left due indecisiveness.

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios: I wish people joined my lore more. Having muses that could be in the same story department as Nora in particular, would be hella and inspire me more. There is so much I have. Explore nora’s power is also something I want but it’s hard -- it’s very invasive and not many would really like it, feeling it’s meta. For now, I don’t really have other muses and Spike has her little crew outside tumblr.

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore: umm, it’s hard to think in something in particular. But mostly stuff that collides with nora’s story/character. but there is a lot I am willing to explore.

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: casual starters are my fab. It’s easier to figure out how to go or stop and think. plotted ones also work. as for what I dislike or cannot work with, things that force my muse to not act how they would? not giving me something solid is hard to handle.

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: I really like out of the norm muses, something that you see and say /oh , look at that/. Aesthetically, story wise or personality wise, something that goes out the usual troup most would use. I do have a guilty pleasure for opposite to my muse characters --- something that would really show the contrast with one another.

What type of characters catch your interest the least?: Very basic ones? or those who try TOO hard to be special. A character that doesn’t fit in the context they are in, esp. in fandoms. HEAVILY divergent characters that just basically turn them into OCs. I know I sound like a bitch but I am the type who respect canon and the actual author behind the character too much. Also those that I don’t know much about? as in, the fandom never managed to catch my interest or smth in that line.

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?: I know where is the line between fiction and reality. And that what your character does it does not reflect as the person you actually are. I am pretty laid back and I understand people’s views and reasoning. idk. I draw a lot if I am super invested ?

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I am super sporadic and can go from being super active to flat out dead for weeks. my mood swings a lot with the amount of attention I get, as horrible as it sounds. I am very anxious as a person for reasons ( not IRL mostly, just bad experience from previous partners ). I promise a lot but do little? honestly I will just bad mouth myself if I keep writing this.

Do you rp smut?: YES ( tho mostly on discord ) / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?: YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?: both? - Anything you would not want to rp there?: ehhhh, idk -- i don’t do as much to know what I don’t like here.

Are ships important to you?: YES / NO / RELATIVE. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?: YES / NO. Do you use read more?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?: the very nature of human relations. I am talking about Nora big time here -- there is a lot to explore in her relations and how she reacts and acts towards someone is very very contextual. How much she fakes, how much she is sincere, how much she struggles or how relaxed can be. force her to show her real self, which is very hazy even for her as a task. Be very poetic deep and also very shallow. I particulary see her as a character that REALLY depends on her relation with the other muse -- but generally speaking for any of my muses: I love to explore them as a pair and as individuals. - What is your smut tag?: the unfamily friendly. ( new tag (?))

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: Anything? I am open to anything honestly. As long as it makes sense.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?: Anyone who is denying their feelings, are peculiar as an individual or anyone who needs an insight of themselves and the world around them. Nora is a mentor type of character, she is here to be a support and help others explore themselves and learn. Also if you are a minor, she will most likely try to get close to help -- one must protect the good sad kids.

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?: Stubborn, very fixated with things. Who would not open themselves to other perspective without thinking someone is trying to change them. Also she would struggle a heck lot with psychopaths and sociopaths, or anyone that “doesn’t have a face” for her. - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?: Curious people, struggling ones, kids in general -- people that are willing to listen to her opinions and try to improve in a positive way. Also those who are quirky in a way.

- What interests your Muse(s) in general: rabbits, literature, interesting people, the unknown, learning, relationships of all natures. - What do they desire, is their goal?: Live long without letting her particularity ruin her -- for her kind nobody makes it past the 50s and she wants that , to conquer her ability and prove that even with something like she is ( they are ), it’s posible to live and be happy. have a family of her own, yeah she is that cheesy. - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?: Their actions and the emotions that they are carrying on their back. - What do they value in a person?: sincerity, willingness, enthusiasm. - What themes do they like talking about?: a lot of phylosophic stuff, deep topics -- as well to casual things of life. about people and society. - Which themes bore them?: excuses and avoidance -- people who are willing to drop everything and give up.

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?: the attempt of suicide of her mother. and the successfull suicide of many of her peers. - What could possibly trigger them?: any sort of threat or violence towards someone who does not asked for it. esp. her peers and family. - What could set them off, enrage them?: Immoral ones. Those who are willing to stomp on others just to success in their goal. - What could lead to an instant kill?: is not killing, but touch a hair of her family and you are done. same for her friends and protegees.

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?: gorgers, suicide, her tired face. - Is there someone /-thing they love?: her family and dear ones --- to a fault. rabbits or anything related to it.

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: any way is okay as long as is not threatening. - Where are they usually to find?: during the night, in the streets -- during the day is either her workplace or her house. maybe a park near her apartment/location if she is feeling stuffy.

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?: she is not a good person , she is willing to manipulate people and is constantly trying to impose her morals. but she is also very sensitive even if she doesn’t show it --- Nora does look tired for a reason , and one of them is because she cries a lot .

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @skyvar Tagging: @batoushoujo , @obtainedloss , @lorddiiavolo , @evanesense , @sunpierce , @necrotrigae , @maljefe , @ethaeria , @calpio , @veiliisms

#mik talks #ᴍᴜɴᴅᴀɴᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs » misc.

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bytheangell · 5 years

Text

Raise a Glass to the Past

(Read on AO3)

Present Day

“I was looking through your files again at work today,” Alec says, leaning his head back against Magnus’ shoulder. They’re both on the sofa, Alec nestled comfortably in the space between Magnus’ legs, leaning against Magnus while Magnus leans back against the cushions. They each hold a glass of white wine after dinner, enjoying the breeze coming in through the open balcony door, listening to the faint sound of rain falling just beyond the wall. “Again?” Magnus asks, a light laugh chasing his words. “Ran a full Nephilim background check on me before we started dating, didn’t you?”

Alec knows the words are spoken in jest, but the memories they bring up leave the current Head of the New York Institute biting down on his lower lip, considering his next words carefully.

“Actually…” Alec starts before stopping abruptly. It’s a strangely personal series of events to explain, even if they all involve Magnus; somehow the idea of telling him about it brings up a lot of conflicting emotions in Alec He’s embarrassed at the guilt he felt for most of his life, at how he thought so much about the man he loves before he ever met him, that this man who changed his entire life from the second they did meet managed to shape so much of it even before that moment, without ever realizing...

What will Magnus think if he tells him now?

“Actually, sort of. But not intentionally. See, when I was probably about 5 or 6…”

---

Alec, age 6

Alec finds his way once more behind his father’s desk at the New York Institute. There are files up, files that he knows he shouldn’t be reading, but ever since he learned how to string full sentences together he’s absorbed every word he could lay his eyes on. And that includes dossiers left on computer screens in the same room as him while his father runs down to the ops room for a moment to deal with some emergency or another.

Even kneeling on the large chair his head doesn’t clear the back of it, blocking him from view of anyone passing by the open door. Which is good, because if they did see him he probably wouldn’t get to read the page about a warlock that’s front and center, with a black-and-white photo of a man with spiked hair, slit cat-eyes, and a grin that makes Alec smile back even though he knows the man in the photo isn’t smiling at him. Magnus Bane. Those aren’t words Alec knows, but they’re words he’s heard out loud before. A name.

His father comes back and scolds him for touching his computer (which, Alec defends, he didn’t technically do, he only read what was already open), before being ordered to re-read the section of the Shadowhunters Codex on Warlocks if he’s so damn interested in them. Alec dutifully slumps out of the chair to obey, his copy of the book marked with dozens of pencil circles of words he doesn’t know to ask about later. He’s only half focused, however, his mind frequently drifting back to the eyes and the smile of the man in the photo.

---

Present Day

“I was your first Downworlder file. How cute.” There’s a hint of sarcasm to Magnus’ tone, one that Alec doesn’t take personally. He knows the tone of those sorts of files and the reasons why his father might’ve had it up on the computer that day. But there’s also a hint of actual endearment over the idea that Alec remembers that, even now.

“You were,” Alec confirms. “And I have to admit, as a suggestible youth, I didn’t have the best impression of you at first.”

“Oh, no?” At this Magnus straights up a bit, shifting behind Alec on the sofa. There’s no turning back now, Alec, realizes, not after piquing Magnus’ curiosity like that.

“I’m sure you can imagine, but any files the Institute had on you weren’t painted in the most positive of lights…”

---

Alec, age 8

It isn’t long before the Institute’s records, both on the computer and in the library, become freely available to Alec. He’s reached a point in his training and studies where it’s easier for him to simply look up answers on his own when he can rather than run everything back to Hodge or his parents. Because he stays out of trouble and does what he’s told when he’s told to do it (as much as any kid does, certainly more than Jace or Isabelle at the very least) he’s left to his own devices for most of the time he’s not in a lesson or training.

This means no one is around to see him stop at Magnus Bane’s file almost every time he goes to look something else up… or should he say, files, plural. There are a lot of files on him, Alec notices, many marking him as a criminal in varying degrees: lying during Clave Inquiries, harboring fugitives, refusing to assist in investigations when his services were requested, aligning with dissenting Downworlders against Clave sanctions throughout the centuries. The bottom line is always a general disregard for the Nephilim which is all Alec is able to discern from the words on the page when he first comes across them.

It seems simple enough at first read. He isn’t familiar with all of the terms he comes across or every single one of the various laws and regulations broken, but he doesn’t question them. This is a very powerful warlock who is capable of doing a lot of damage - and he doesn’t seem to listen to any of the rules. Hiding fugitives, helping criminals. If Magnus Bane is on the Clave’s radar then it must be for good reason, High Warlock or not.

So when everyone around him tells Alec that Magnus is not to be trusted, despite the fact that he still feels inexplicably drawn towards the cat-eyed warlock in the photos, Alec forces himself to believe them.

---

Present Day

“And what number is that file up to these days?” Magnus asks with an amused smile.

“Right now? Pending review of wiping your record clean after, you know, saving the entirety of Idris and all,” Alec says, shifting himself forward enough to turn to face Magnus on the sofa as he takes a sip of his wine. “Plus, I don’t think Jia liked the idea of the Head of the New York Institute being married to someone with such an extensive criminal record.”

They both laugh at that, Magnus shaking his head incredulously. “I don’t know… that’s a lot of history to erase. I think I’d like it better if they kept it - we could print it out and frame my accomplishments, hang them over the fireplace.”

Alec shrugs. “We both know most of those violations were bullshit anyway,” he points out. “Do we?” Magnus challenges playfully. “Because a moment ago you were telling me all about how young Alec Lightwood thought Magnus Bane was nothing more than a dastardly, dangerous lawbreaker.”

Alec rolls his eyes. “I didn’t stay that naive forever.”

---

Alec, age 10

Alec never stops asking questions, always eager to learn more, so no one thinks twice about it when he starts to ask them about the High Warlock of Brooklyn. He’s careful to approach a wide range of adults around the Institute so no single person will see that the cases he ‘randomly’ chooses to read up on for his studies all happen to revolve around a singular Warlock.

What he learns, slowly, is that the only danger Magnus Bane poses is to the stuffy older members of the Clave who wouldn’t know how to be nice to someone if they tried. Almost all of the fugitive harboring Magnus is guilty of turns out to be for injured or wrongfully accused Downworlders (though the Clave didn’t know they were wrongfully accused at the time). But Magnus knew, and he protected them when he thought the Clave probably wouldn’t listen to a word they said if they were taken in.

The more Alec learns about his people, the more he starts to realize that they believe they’re better than everyone else in the Shadow World. The rules are set up to favor them because they enforce the rules. The Nephilim are in a position of power in the Shadow World, dealing out justice as they see fit - this is a lesson taught to him now as something to pride himself on, but instead it leaves him feeling uneasy.

He wants to talk to Downworlders about it but he’s forbidden. They would only feed him lies, the older Shadowhunters tell him. He doesn’t need to confuse his mind with so many sides of the same story when their side is right here for him on a silver platter. When their side, the right side, is the only one that matters.

Someone must talk to his parents because soon he’s told to stop asking questions about Magnus Bane. His job is to learn what he’s taught, to do as he’s told.

Except his questions don’t stop there, not about Magnus, and not about himself.

His parents take him to the wedding of a family friend and with tears in her eyes his mother smiles down at him and says “One day you’ll meet a nice young lady, and I’ll be watching you up there.”

Alec thinks of all the girls his age and frowns. He doesn’t like any of them that way, even though he knows one or two have a crush on him. Their friends giggle about it and try to push them together during sparring, but Alec mostly finds it annoying.

“Does it have to be a girl?” Alec whines. When he thinks of the people who make him smile, the people he might want to spend the rest of his life with (which doesn’t mean much to a nine year old who thinks the break between dinner and dessert is an eternity) his thoughts drift to a boy or two in his training classes, and then to some photos in a database that bring him more comfort than he even fully realizes.

“Of course it does. Why would you even-” Maryse almost dismisses before her gaze turns sharp, almost fearful.

“What if I want to marry a boy?” It’s such a simple, innocent question. He hasn’t liked any girls yet, but there are a few boys he think he might. So it only makes sense that instead of a nice young lady he’d want to marry a nice young man.

“No, Alec. Shadowhunter boys don’t marry other boys. It isn’t-” Maryse falters. “They just don’t. You just haven’t met the right girl yet, but you will. I promise.”

Alec considers this. “But what if-”

“Alec, I said no. This isn’t up for discussion. And don’t ever mention this to anyone else, okay? Especially not to your father.” They’re speaking in whispers to begin with, and though Robert is only two seats away on the other side of Isabelle he’s entirely oblivious to the conversation. Izzy looks like she may have been listening but turns her head quickly.

Alec simply nods and keeps the rest of his thoughts on the matter to himself, not just for that day but for years to come.

---

Alec, present day

“I always knew how I felt was different, but that was the first time I realized it was wrong,” Alec admits. “And up to that point I was nothing but the perfect son, I didn’t want-- I didn’t want to ruin that.”

“Maryse knew,” Magnus realizes, surprised.

Alec nods. “My father was the only one who didn’t, or maybe he was just in such deep denial he convinced himself he didn’t notice. But I think everyone else had an idea, at least. Izzy was the only one who ever tried to bring it up but I denied it long enough that she stopped trying. My mom never mentioned it again after that wedding, and neither did I. Well, not until…”

“Not until your wedding,” Magnus says, smirking ever so slightly.

“It was kind of hard not to talk about it after the stunt you pulled, yeah,” Alec points out, and though he tries to sound accusatory he’s smiling back, unable to help himself. .

“The stunt I pulled? It takes two to tango, Mister. You could’ve just taken me out of the room to talk, you didn’t have to make out with me in a hall full of Shadowhunters,” Magnus counters, eyebrow raised in amusement before growing serious once more. “I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide who you are for so long.”

“Yeah,” Alec agrees. “Me too.”

---

Alec, age 12

“Please?” Alec begs, hazel eyes large as he tugs at the back of his mother’s dress. “Let me go to the meeting! I promise I’ll behave. I won’t say a word, you won’t even know I’m there.” He’s twelve-and-three-quarters now, nearly thirteen whole years old. Plenty old enough to sit in on a meeting. In fact, his parents have dragged him along to countless meetings he didn’t want to be in, so he doesn’t know why this one is such a big deal.

Maryse shares a look with Robert who only shakes his head. “You can come to the next meeting we have with the Clave. Not this one. I don’t even want to be in this one.” Alec’s father mutters the last bit, earning him a reproachful look from Maryse.

“But I don’t want to go to a Clave meeting. I want to go to this one,” Alec insists.

“Why this one?” Maryse asks, and Alec opens his mouth to answer before snapping it shut again quickly. What can he tell them? That he overheard them talking about meeting with the local Warlock representative? That he wants to be in the same room as Magnus for more than 5 seconds, to hear the man speak and see if he’s anything like what Alec imagines after reading every report on him they have?

“Because I already know a lot about Shadowhunter things. I want to learn more about Warlocks, too.” Not a total lie.

Both Maryse and Robert exchange a hesitant look. “Alec, sweetie. The man we have to meet with… well, he doesn’t like us very much. It’s already going to be a very difficult meeting... Maybe we can bring you along to talk with some other warlock another time. You just be good for Hodge, okay? We’ll be back soon.”

They’re gone before Alec can ask any of the dozen follow-up questions running through his head. Us? Did Magnus not like him either, even though they never met? Did he hate all Shadowhunters? So many questions that Alec knows he’ll never get the answers to because he knows better than to ask now.

...then again, maybe no answer is better than getting a truth he doesn’t want to hear.

While his parents are gone he goes back to the computer. Back to the files and the photos. It’s safe, and it’s become almost a ritual habit by this point to imagine a world where the things he’s starting to feel for boys isn’t something he can’t talk about; a world where his gaze can linger on more than just a photo on a screen without being seen as a cause for concern.

---

Alec, age 14

“Son, we need to talk. You’re coming of an age now when you’re going to start having… impulses. You see, when you like a girl-” Robert Lightwood begins after making it a point to call Alec into his room after watching one of the girls in his class flirt with him endlessly during his last training session, going so far as to try and lean up for a kiss after he pinned her to the mat. Alec had never moved so fast in his life to jump back from it but apparently that part was lost on his father. The fact that Alec got a lot of attention from the girls his age, however, was not overlooked.

Alec doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he already knows all about sex. Word travels fast once one kid gets The Talk and his dad is a year and a half late to this party. He also doesn’t have the heart to tell him that liking girls, Alec is now entirely certain, is never going to be an issue.

Or perhaps it’s going to be the biggest issue, because his mother’s words still echo in his head, creating a cycle of guilt and shame every time he does feel an impulse, just not about any of the girls he’s around. He barely looks at the other boys, afraid of what might happen if he looks too long, or the wrong way. Afraid someone will notice… that someone will know.

For now he forces himself to smile back at the giggling girls, but he hates it. And every time Jace ends up stepping in oozing charm to pull the attention away from him it leaves him feeling equal parts grateful and sick to his stomach, because he wants Jace to smile at him like that. He wants any boy to smile at him like that.

Except every time a boy is even remotely kind to him he’s afraid it’s because of something he did that he didn’t realize, or something he let slip that he didn’t catch, and so he closes himself off entirely. He throws himself completely into training, into work, and into files stored away he sometimes forgets are for everyone’s use, and not just his own personal escape.

---

Alec, age 17

Duty first, his father tells him. He’s being raised to run an Institute, to help bring the Lightwood name back to its former glory and prestige. That leaves no room for error… it certainly leaves no room for his attraction to guys, especially not his troubling feelings for his parabatai or his increasing infatuation with Magnus Bane.

His exposure to Downworlders has increased significantly since he, Izzy, and Jace began sneaking out to a Downworld-run diner downtown. Izzy and Jace have both dallied in the company of romantic partners who would give their parents a heart attack to learn about, but not Alec. He watches from afar, daydreaming but never partaking. He can’t, not with anyone he actually wants to. Part of him knows that they’d never say anything if he told them but he doesn’t want to put that sort of burden on either of them. Because that’s what it is, and that’s all it will ever be: a burden.

He gets the feeling he’d be more easily forgiven for wanting to spend his time with downworlder girls than Shadowhunter boys, if his feelings were simply an act of teenage rebellion. If only. He knows by now that Shadowhunter, Downworlder, or even mundane, the only people he’s ever going to like are going to be boys. And he knows that will never be okay.

So instead of smiling back at the waiter he keeps pointedly avoiding eye contact with he watches after Izzy and Jace, yearning for the freedom they have and their honest sense of selves. They can afford to sneak out, to mess up, to disappoint - the same pressures and expectations aren’t put on them that are put on him, and he envies them for it. He shoulders the burdens so they don’t have to, defending them at every turn in the hopes they never feel the crippling shame he experiences every single day.

---

Alec, age 20

Alec gets stuck with the task of assisting with updating all of the databases with more up-to-date photos after getting caught sneaking into the Institute at 3 am one night. In truth, he only allowed himself to get caught by security in order to buy Jace and Izzy enough time to run in the opposite direction - both of them are already on probation this month while he has, as usual, a nearly spotless record. He’ll take the hit this time and they’ll owe him a huge favor later, one he’ll be sure to make count.

“I can’t believe he supplied us with his own photos,” says a voice followed by laughter from one of the other Shadowhunters on the project.

“Who?” Alec asks, only half-listening for the answer. He doesn’t particularly care,

“Magnus Bane,” comes the reply in a tone full of contempt. Alec freezes, nearly dropping the stack of photos in his hands. “Said, and I quote, ‘Our security cameras never pick up his good side’.”

“Let me see,” Alec manages, wondering if he sounds as anxious as he feels. They all look over the offering Magnus sent over, most of which are from that club in town that he owns now, Pandemonium. Some of the photos are just him, others have an assortment of men and women in extremely close proximity. One photo looks downright compromising and Alec has to turn away quickly to avoid anyone seeing the fierce blush that crosses his face. It’s the first time he realizes that maybe Magnus is like him, a simple reminder that he can’t possibly be the only person in the entirety of the shadow world who likes the same gender. Magnus looks so comfortable, so carefree in that photo, and Alec wants that, too.

For a moment he closes his eyes and imagines a world where he has a chance at happiness without having to hide, where he can be bold enough to take a photo with another man, to leave a lingering touch--

And then it’s gone.

The names and jokes that follow at Magnus’ expense make Alec’s blood boil as much as they make his stomach turn, because a lot of them could just as easily be aimed at him. They are, indirectly, not that anyone other than him knows it. Alec doesn’t know how long it goes on before something inside him snaps.

“He really isn’t that bad, you know,” Alec mutters.

“What was that, Lightwood?” One of his peers questions.

“Magnus Bane,” Alec says, louder now. “From what I’ve read on his file, he really isn’t that bad. Most of his charges were due to misinformation.”

“I heard he and Camille Belcourt were a thing once. Bet he gets her to just encanto everyone who catches him,” one suggests.

“Yeah. My father was part of a raid on some rogue werewolves Bane defended in the early 90s. He never got charged for that, either, but my uncle nearly died,” another says.

Alec decides to cut his losses and not bring up the fact that most of those raids were unjustified, the charges were dropped because the warlocks and werewolves were only reacting in self-defense.

The photos Magnus sent in end up in the trash and the standard security camera footage uploaded in their place. Alec can’t help but think that the photos are unnecessary anyway - every side is Magnus’ ‘good side’.

---

Present Day

Magnus rolls his eyes. “Do you know how long it took me to pick out the best photos for that?” he says with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. “The least they could’ve done is return them to me. Didn’t have to throw them out.”

Alec, however, finds it difficult to be amused by the story, even now. “Doesn’t it bother you? That that’s how some Shadowhunters see you? Not just you, but all of the Downworlders?” It’s something that’s bothered Alec more and more ever since he saw the sort of reception Magnus got for the brief period he stayed at the Institute with him. Of course Alec isn’t naive enough to think the bias is gone, that people would change their minds overnight just because the Head of the Institute was with a Downworlder, but… he expects more than what he got. He expects better. Magnus deserves better.

“Of course it does, Alexander. But there are some people so stuck in their antiquated ways that they’ll never change, not for you, and certainly not for me. If I worried about everyone with an unfavorable opinion of me then I wouldn’t have any energy left for the people actually worth my time and effort. People like you.”

Alec relaxes a little at that.

“I wasn’t so sure I’d be one of those people when the first time I saw you at Pandemonium ended with you fleeing through a Portal,” Alec admits.

---

Alec, age 24

Alec keeps an eye on Jace and Clary… and Magnus. It’s the closest he’s been in years, not trusting his own instinctive reactions enough to dare come to the club on his own. Magnus is so much more attractive in person, and the guilt that wells up inside of him at the simple observation is nearly enough to drown under.

He doesn’t have long to dwell on it before a Circle member sneaks up behind Magnus and Alec takes him out with one well-aimed shot from his arrow, careful to avoid eye contact with Magnus as he walks by him to retrieve his arrow and scan the crowded room for other attackers. He has a job to do, he can’t allow his emotions to distract him.

“Who are you?” Magnus asks out loud, unaware that a few recently activated runes allows Alec to hear the words over the thump of the music even at this distance. Alec has to fight against the shiver of anticipation that runs down his spine in that moment.

Because Magnus Bane may not know who he is - not yet - but Alec certainly knows who he is. How do you explain to someone you just met that they’ve held your interest for years? Short answer: you don’t.

Alec focuses on his arrow, on the Circle member, and by the time he turns back around Magnus is gone and Alec’s following Jace, Clary, and Izzy out of the club without looking back.

Alec doesn’t miss his chance the next time they meet, not long after and under strangely similar circumstances.

“Well done,” Alec says, allowing his bow to drop slowly once he’s certain his arrow hit its mark. His shot is followed quickly by a blast of blue magic which renders the circle member unconscious. Alec looks away from Magnus, aware of how long he’s waited for this moment: their first meeting. Just to be in the same room as him--

“More like medium rare,” Magnus says, and Alec’s thankful he’s looking away because he doesn’t know what he’d do if his first proper interaction with Magnus Bane is for him to catch Alec rolling his eyes at the pun.

It isn’t long before Magnus makes his way across the room and into Alec’s space. “I’m Magnus, I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced?”

“Alec.” He smiles. The only thing he can think is that the photos and faraway glances didn’t do justice to even half of Magnus’ beauty. And then he realizes he’s staring, smiling like some dopey schoolboy, and he can’t seem to make his mouth stop grinning. “Um, we uh, should really, uh, probably get, you know…”

Alec silently prays to the Angel for the ground to open him up and swallow him whole, which would be far less excruciating than his fumbling. Magnus, to his credit, doesn’t seem deterred. “Right. We should join the party,” Magnus agrees, finishing his thought for him.

And the rest? Well, the rest is history. Their history.

---

Present Day

As he finishes recounting the impact Magnus had on his life before they even met, Alec’s face is a little flush despite the cool autumn air; whether it’s from the tinge of embarrassment over the story he kept to himself for so long or the alcohol (which he blames for blurting all of that out) finally starting to get to him he can’t tell.

“Alexander…” Magnus says, voice soft and eyes full of an emotion that Alec can’t quite place at first. “I had no clue-”

“Of course you didn’t,” Alec says with a soft laugh. “You had no way of knowing. Honestly, I never even planned on telling you. But that’s what made it so easy for me to trust you from the very start - I knew you were a good person before I even met you. It wasn’t just that I always dreamed of meeting someone like you… I just always dreamed of meeting you.” Alec takes a deep breath. “But do you know what finally made it sink in that it didn’t have to be just a dream?”

Magnus doesn’t ask what, he doesn’t have to. The curiosity is written all over his face and he remains silent, giving Alec the time to finish his story at his own pace.

“The day we tried to get Clary’s memories back, when I ruined the summoning circle. You told me I didn’t have anything to be ashamed of,” Alec’s voice is quiet now. “It was the first time I had the hope that that might be true. That there might be one person out there who wouldn’t look at me, at what I wanted or who I wanted, and only see something that needed to be hidden.”

Magnus reaches across and takes his hand. “I’m glad you listened.”

“I’m glad you didn’t give up on me,” Alec admits. “I didn’t exactly make it easy on you.”

But Magnus shakes his head. “All my life, the only times Shadowhunters were willing to give me a chance were when they needed something from me: a deal, or a favor. You aren’t the first to see that file and form a judgement, but you’re one of the first to look beyond it. To see me as a person, and not just someone with something to offer.” Magnus smiles again. “It seems to me, Alexander, that you didn’t give up on me, either.”

Alec thinks about that for a moment and nods, and then turns and grabs his glass of wine. “To not giving up on each other, then” he offers.

Magnus mirrors the motion, glass meeting glass in the space between them on the sofa. “To never giving up on each other.”

They drink, and Magnus shifts to lean back against Alec, Alec’s hand moving up to brush through his husband’s hair. The last thing Alec thinks as they drift off to sleep on the sofa, Magnus first and Alec close behind, is how nice it is to go from never dreaming he’d have someone like Magnus in his life to dreaming about Magnus every time he closes his eyes, no longer ashamed of the love he deserves.

#magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #shadowhunters #maryse lightwood #this was a prompt/idea given to me a few months back by some people I adore #and I took a lot of time to hopefully do it justice because it was such an AMAZING concept #so I hope you all enjoy it! And check the AO3 for links to the lovely minds who came up with the concept!#elle writes a few deadbeat lines #long post #like REALLY LONG POST #tw: homophobia #tw: internalized homophobia

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loseyoutoloveme · 4 years

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can you do a rundown/review of every song on folklore like you've done for selena? and what your current top 5 are??

considering this is officially one of my top 3 favourite albums ever i’m v happy to 😌! warning, absolutely every single song will be ranked 10/10

thank for wanting to know my thoughts :( i can’t believe anybody would volunteer to read this JDNSKSDJKDS

first of all, my top 5 is probbbbably gonna change (maybe not tho bc my lover top 5 hasn’t really changed a lot), but for now, i think it’s: august > seven > mad woman > illicit affairs > mirrorball

THE 1:

ngl my very first thought was that it reminded me of same love by macklemore skdjdskjdskjsd but not in a bad way!

literally some of the prettiest lyrics, i knew just from this song that this would top red as her best lyrically (best album in general)

honestly just rly sad and sweet and one of those songs that has such a universal sound i feel?

also the simplest song of the album lyrically (also not in a bad way, just like objectively this is the easiest subject matter on the album with the least opaque lyrics), so a really good opener

best lyrics: “we never painted by the numbers baby but we were making it count/you know the greatest loves of all time are over now” and “we were something don’t you think so/roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool/and it my wishes came true it would’ve been you”

a cute girl, 10/10

CARDIGAN:

i was surprised by the darkish sound of this one

idk what that like clanking sound in the background is but i find it a lil distracting in the first half of the song - but if i ever find out what it is and it has some symbolic meaning/purpose for being there (i assume it does) i’ll accept it sdjknsd

i love the nostalgia that is so present in like almost every song on this album :(

also the music video is stunning and frames the entire album in the most interesting way, metaphor-wise

best lyrics: “i knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss/knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs/the smell of smoke would hang around this long/cause i knew everything when i was young/i knew i’d curse you for the longest time/chasin’ shadows in the grocery line/i knew you’d miss me when the thrill expired/and you’d be standing in my front porch light/and i knew you’d come back to me”

10/10

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY:

love this one bc it’s like a nice lil exhale in an album filled with angst, like it’s cute and boppy without being aggressive

i’m suddenly absolutely obsessed with rebekah harkness, particularly the “bitch pack” thing and her dyeing someone’s dog green

i love taylor’s storytelling and i love how that’s always been a big part of her approach to songwriting. this is taylor at her best narration, like starlight but so much better. this is a type of songwriting that is so underused these days, esp by mainstream artists and i love so much that she has always used it and been so invested in it

the pronoun change made me screech. sooo goooood

taylor’s obv a deeply autobiographical artist which is why it’s so incredible to hear her tell OTHER people’s stories and somehow make them so her own. like i think it’s mostly the english major in me that just gets so emotional over that...... the way that other people’s stories became our own through the way we tell them......

this song is def the one that is most explicit about the album’s theme of telling stories but ones that tell something about her (and about her listeners too), by switching to personal pronouns at the end. it sets up a pattern for the rest of the album, where each song is about one thing (the actual story she’s telling) but also about a bunch of other things.

a good example of why she’s the greatest songwriter of this generation

best lyrics: “there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen/she had a marvelous time ruining everything”

10/10

EXILE:

bon iver’s voice was a full shock to the system the first time i listened and idk why sdkjnds it is just so deep and i was not at all expecting it esp after the cuteness of tlgad

anyway these lyrics are GORGEOUS

i love a duet where the 2 singers’ lyrics are meant to be directed at each other. is there a word for that type of duet idk but it always makes a duet infinitely better

the miscommunication exemplified in the bridge...... chef’s kiss heartbreaking

out of all the songs this is the one that makes me feel the most like i am in the middle of a forest in winter. i can already picture myself listening to this song in december with the sound of a crackling fire in the background mmmmmmmm my exact vibe

best lyrics: “you’re not my homeland anymore/so who am i defending now?/you were my town, now i’m in exile seeing you out” and “i’m not your problem anymore/so who am i offending now?”

10/10

MY TEARS RICOCHET:

this chorus BRRROOOOKE ME

writing songs presumably about the masters situation and framing them as breakup songs was absolutely galaxy brain

i feel like the image of tears ricocheting has like a million layers to it and is just suuuuch a smart metaphor

also just such a visually rich song ? so is every song on the album but the metaphors of this song are all just so visual

best lyrics: “i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/and you’re the hero flying around saving face/and if i’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” and “i can go anywhere i want/anywhere i want, just not home”

10/10

MIRRORBALL:

ok so i did like this one on first listen, i loved absolutely everything on first listen, but it didn’t hit my top 5 until like 8 listens later, so it’s def a big grower and i think could be a huge fan fav by next year

the self-awareness in her writing will never fail to amaze me

the way that life is just performing...... yeah

but it’s crazy to me that a person could be like “i’m a compulsive people pleaser and performer and i’ll do anything to get ppl to like me” and that leads to “i am a disco ball” like ???? her brain is so big. it’s such a gorgeous metaphor.... and the circus imagery AHHHHH

best lyrics: “i’m still on that tightrope/i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/i’m still a believer but i don’t know why/i’ve never been a natural, all i do is try try try/i’m still on that trapeze/i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me” and “i can change everything about me to fit in”

10000/10

SEVEN:

this one simply rips my heart out

at first i was like oh this is so weird and then the chorus just would not leave my head

for me personally, nostalgia is literally 90% of my personality and just for so many personal reasons the thought of childhood ending and all of the growing pains that come along with that have been at the forefront of my psyche for the past year. so it just kills me whenever i find a song like this one and it kills me that taylor specifically has several songs about this topic and this is 100000% the best of them all. like it’s the most beautiful experience to have your thoughts and feelings and fears expressed so perfectly by a total stranger, and that’s rly what art is about and i love taylor for doing that for me and millions of other people

i just feel like this song brings up so many vivid beautiful memories of childhood for so many people, like being outside in the summer and screaming and being free. ugh

the pause after “i hit my peak at seven” before completing the phrase........ OOOOOOOOOF IT HITS TOO HARD

and sound-wise, just so off-beat and cool and unique

best lyrics: “i hit my peek at seven/feet in the swing across the creek” and “are there still beautiful things?” and “love you to the moon and to saturn/passed down like folk songs/the love lasts so long” and “before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/any time i wanted”

100000000000/10

AUGUST:

i knew immediately that this would be my favourite tbh like i could sense it the second it began

i wrote my first impression thoughts in my journal and you can tell the exact moment i got to the bridge bc i just started screaming sdnjksdkjsdn

i would 100% get a tattoo that said “to live for the hope of it all”

everything about this song is LITERALLY flawless like i have.......no notes......no thoughts.......it’s just an absolutely perfect song

best lyrics: “back when we were still changing for the better/wanting for was enough/for me it was enough/to live for the hope of it all" and “august sipped away like a bottle of wine/cause you were never mine”

100000000000000000000000000/10

THIS IS ME TRYING:

this song is rly good but i keep forgetting it exists omg :/ once i learn all of the lyrics i’ll appreciate her more

the strings are gorgeous

i was rly surprised that this one was done with jack instead of aaron just bc the bridge of this sounds SOOOO the national

these lyrics could be interpreted in so many different ways depending on the listener’s experiences and that’s beautiful

best lyrics: “i was so ahead of the curve/the curve became a sphere/fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here” and “it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound/it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you/you’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

10/10

ILLICIT AFFAIRS:

that soft high note on “down,” “stop,” etc is sooooo nice

i don’t have many thoughts on it, it’s just so soft, SOOOOOO gorgeous instrumentally and lyrically

best lyrics: “it’s born from just one single glance/but it dies and it dies and it dies/a million little times” and “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else” and “you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else/and you know damn well/for you i would ruin myself/a million little times”

100000/10

INVISIBLE STRING:

like i said about tlgad, this is a nice little break from all the angst and pain and anger sdnjksdnskjsd just a sweet little break to remind u there are good things in the world too. so placed really well in the tracklist imo

super super super super cute chorus

so many pretty melodies

absolutely an autumn song btw

best lyrics: “time, mystical time/cutting me open, then healing me fine”

10/10

MAD WOMAN:

i literally lost my mind listening to this for the first time

i have such a thing for scorned women anthems like i will immediately love it whatever it is

the pure rage when she says “cause you took everything from me” gives me full body chills

it is just so eerie and haunting and perfect

best lyrics: “women like hunting witches too/doing your dirtiest work for you/it’s obvious that wanting me dead/has really brought you two together” and “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy/what about that?” and “good wives always know/she should be mad, should be scathing like me/but no one like a man woman”

1000000/10

EPIPHANY:

i find this one so hard to listen to but it’s absolutely beautiful and devastating and so heavily relevant for i think the whole world rn

the heart monitor and the trumpets tying both of the topics in together is so genius and so heartbreaking

i think will be the sygb of folklore where it makes everybody cry so much that it becomes a skip despite being a beautiful song

best lyrics: “something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother” and “some things you just can’t speak about”

10/10

BETTY:

first of all THE HARMONICA

this made me so happy bc it’s just so debut and so fearless and it made me SOOOOO nostalgic on my first listen, because it really felt to me like i was getting to listen to a song from debut or fearless for the very first time again

it’s just so sweet and cute and simple and yet another very self-aware moment of looking back to her past material/subject matter

best lyrics: “would you have me? would you want me?/would you tell me to go fuck myself/or lead me to the garden?” and “i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything/but i know i miss you”

10/10

PEACE:

the bass at the beginning is soooooo nice

this miiiiiight be the strongest song on the album lyrics-wise but idk yet

not much to say, it’s just so gorgeous

best lyrics: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm/if your cascade ocean wave blues come/all these people think love’s for show/but i would die for you in secret” and “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “i talk shit with my friends, it’s like i’m wasting your honour”

10/10

HOAX:

i have a feeling this one will be underrated/underappreciated bc it’s just simple and dark and the last song, but this is....... a lyrical masterpiece

i feel like i need to be playing this on vinyl with all of the lights off and just a candle burning yknow, like there’s just something so dark and ancient about it

best lyrics: “my winless fight/this has frozen my ground” and “your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in/don’t want no other shade of blue but you/no other sadness in the world would do” and “you knew it still hurt underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark/darling this was just as hard”

10/10

OVERALL: 10000000000/10 literally one of the best albums i have ever heard and (while i wouldn’t put it past her to top it) absolutely the best work of her career. so complex and layered and emotional and painful and genuine and different. not to get ahead of myself but this is/should be considered her blue, her rumours, her abbey road....... god. can’t wait to listen to this album for the rest of my life and play it for my future children and just watch it live on as the greatest work of one of the most important artists of the 21st century

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kae-karo · 5 years

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Hi Katie! I’m a freshman in college. I just started a couple weeks ago but currently have no friends. I have a few acquaintances from classes and clubs I just joined but I feel like everyone already has a group from orientation and such and I don’t want to insert myself. I really like being alone but it gets really sad when I’m the only one on my floor on weekend nights ://. Do you advice as to how I could build stronger connections w ppl and actually make friends???? Thanks and sorry to bother!

oh hi dear! first of all, i hope everything else is getting off to a good start for you! hm, now let me add a quick disclaimer: i made,,,,,,,,,pretty much zero friends in college and i don’t remember most of my time there cause Depression but here’s the advice i think i would’ve liked to follow/would maybe try to make more of an effort to follow if i could go back

for meeting people, generally:

you are probably not alone!!!!! i don’t doubt that if you feel like a bit of an outsider, there are one or more others who feel the same. if you see anyone standing alone, not majorly participating in a group discussion, etc, maybe try reaching out!!! they might be in the same boat as you but more nervous to initiate conversations. this is genuinely how i made a few acquaintances that i do still remember (and follow on various social media) today

in your clubs/classes, you might notice that there’s at least one person who tends to make an effort to include everyone in whatever they’re doing - gravitate toward them! they may be a good resource to help you meet others and feel more included in the group

take advantage of the situations where you have to interact with others - group projects or activities in classes, partner work, labs, etc. there’s some study out there that lists some numbers, but generally it takes a certain number of hours to build a connection with someone! so literally just actively spending time with people is a way to move toward those connections! and hey, maybe they’ve got some time to grab a coffee after you get some work done/take a break and grab a snack/grab dinner between classes or something! the worst thing that can happen is they say no!

put in more effort to meet/talk to people in classes/activities you’re really interested in (and less effort in the classes you’re like,,,,,eh about, cause hey we all only have a certain amount of energy so we should spend it wisely, esp if you’re on the more introverted side!) that shakespeare class you took cause u love shakespeare/theater? that’s where you want to spend your energy and mental effort trying to get to know people, cause the likelihood is those people are the ones who you’ll get on with better, cause hey, they probably have a similar passion/similar interests and boom! that’s something to bond over!

dorm activities!!!! idk if you live in a dorm (most freshman do) but my dorm did like tons of get-to-know-people stuff and tons of general dorm activities - this is a great place/time to really interact with people, cause hey, they live near you! it’s super easy to hang out and you’re far more likely to see them on a regular basis! and then it’s super easy to be like ‘oh hey do u wanna grab dinner, i was just about to head over to the dining hall!’

a quick side mention - there are like some apps i think that help you meet friends in your area? i vaguely remember one from when i was in school that my school mentioned or w.e but i can’t think of the name right now. but if you think that’s something you’re comfy with/interested in, it might help you meet people who you might be more likely to form connections with!

okay now for forming better connections with people... this is definitely where i struggled or could’ve done better honestly

consistency is key - for me, i was always more of the like. i only want to put in effort with people i actually feel like i vibe with and not waste energy on people i just really can’t get along with. the trouble for me was just with following through with that lmao. but like. if you see them in the halls or w.e, take that extra few seconds to be like ‘o hey waddup!’ and mention something from the last time you talked, or something you know relates to something that would be of interest to you both (ie u in anime club? ‘o hey so-and-so, how’s it going? awesome, yeah i’m surviving haha. honestly just living for that next ep of [insert anime here], do you watch that one?’ or whatever - find reasons to connect and extrapolate from them!!!)

if you do find some people you vibe with, figure out how to make connecting with them easy - get in a group chat or get their number, follow them on social media (with consent lmao) or whatever. make talking to them an easy thing to do, that way you’re more likely to do it even if you don’t have a ton of energy!

thing from the other bullet point - reasons to connect - build on that! start with the easy stuff (like obvious shared interests) and start extrapolating. like in my example, asking if they watch another anime, or if they have any recommendations! communication (and therefore development of connections) is a 2 way street! invite them to participate and then listen and show interest. if they rec a show that sounds mildly interesting, give it a watch and offer your thoughts on it! ask for their opinions on it! stuff like that!

in that same vein, pay attention to the kinds of things they talk about - ask questions and encourage them to talk! like this is just generally a good listening skill, but encouraging people to talk about the things they like is like the Best way to form connections! let someone rant about something they’re super into!

now, a sort of segue which is related but more on the side of like,,,,,,don’t get into unhealthy relationships: take note of how they engage with you. do they just talk about themselves/their interests with no regard for your thoughts/your own interests? do they shame you/make fun of you for stuff in a ‘joking’ way (esp even after you ask them to stop?) do they put you down in front of others even though they seem perfectly nice in one-on-one conversations? do they try to guilt you into doing things? (literally anything you aren’t comfy with - whether it be watching something that you’re not into/might be triggering for you, going to an activity you aren’t really comfy with, hanging out with people you don’t like or who make you uncomfortable, etc etc etc) just watch out for those things, don’t let someone take advantage of your mental/emotional energy and your desire for connection!

okay last point i think - be willing! that means a lot of things - willing to listen to the people you want to form connections with (including being willing to listen if they ask you to stop/express disinterest in something/etc), be willing to put forth effort on your own side to meet a person in the middle (like participating in an activity with them cause it interests them), and be willing to let people go! sometimes you meet someone and, in spite of your best efforts, there just isn’t any clicking between y’all (it may not be a bad relationship/connection, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out) and that’s okay! not everyone will be a great friend! and it’s totally cool to just remember a few things about them and continue to maintain a general acquaintanceship with them where you might casually chat when you see them but neither of you really goes out of their way to push the relationship (cause it just doesn’t feel right). and remember! quality connections are better than just having a ton of connections, that’s how you feel less lonely

okay sorry actual last point here - it’s also okay to have some friends who maybe you don’t get along with for everything but hey man, when y’all talk about anime, they’re awesome! casual friendships like that can be great too - especially if you have diverse interests! that friend you made in your shakespeare class may have mentioned they haven’t really ever gotten into anime, but that person you met in anime club might love talking about all your fave shows! obviously the ideal is to find a person or people you can talk to about everything, but you may not find them right away! or even at college at all! and that’s fine! just find the people that you can build good connections with and roll with it! it’s a little bit like eating a ‘balanced diet’. for someone who’s vegan, that might mean they get their protein all from plant-based foods, while someone who doesn’t have a specific diet may get it from a mix of meat and plants, and someone who’s really trying to eat a lot of protein might be eating a lot of (or exclusively) meat to get their protein! my point there is like. there are a lot of ways to fulfill your nutrition needs, and there are just as many ways to build a healthy spread of connections to fulfill all your emotional needs! there’s no single Right Way to do it, just find ways that work for you!

phew okay i talked a lot but i hope this helps you a bit, dear! oh, one last thought - if you have friends from before college that you connected well with, don’t forget about them! i mean, don’t feel like you can or should rely on them exclusively, but there’s no reason to feel like you have to only get your emotional needs fulfilled by people at your college. that goes for family as well! my sis and i got a lot closer once i went away to college, so if you’ve got any close (or semi-close) family relationships, definitely give those some attention as well! anyway, i hope that helped and i hope you start to feel a little more at home and connected as your year progresses!!!

#advice #anon #ask #kt

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waterlinkedgirl · 5 years

Text

Shinteni ch. 262-264 liveblog

In which I basically half (3/4) translate the chapter and half (1/4) point out the things I like. There are maybe slightly easier to follow if you have the scans by hand, which *are* in fact online by now (just do a jp search for jump square issue 6 ^^) I def plan on making this a thing btw! So without further ado, let’s get to it! (quick note before we start, I abbreviate Oswald Delon’s name as Os, so don’t get confused!) Long post below the cut.

I'm amused that Momo goes 'whoa he can even duplicate himself more than Eiji-senpai' esp since we had an another story ova with... slightly more duplications syjsrthstgstgh but that's not conform the manga, so it's cool

I feel this reminds me of a certain kamehameha meme. So if you haven’t guessed these are actually dolls and the mastermind is--

I’m laughing, Os did this in a certain Houkago too. OK SO THE QUESTION IS did Konomi make the houkago canon, or did he communicate the future developments to the houkago person

'hurry up and go clear the field of those dolls' you go, referee France is so deliciously extra

Yanagi's nose has power today

I still remain this is a very cool panel, like, man, look at that perspective. It’s interesting, because you don’t expect the ‘where did he go?!’ (above) trope to apply to tennis, yet here we are, hehe.

MUKAHI FEELS OFFENDED BY THE JUMP BTW (or impressed, but the latter is funnier)

so Sanada immediately uses rai on the shot Os put perfectly on the baseline, Os immediately knows to use the underside of the racket, however Sanada also immediately pulls one dragon strike that'sa lot of head-on, hahaha Sanada has balls! (and makes a pun on them echoing the technique Os used earlier) Whereas Os... Uh, good luck srtjhsrtgshrtfg it's kind of cute how Os mangles his jp but Sanada also, in hiragana, addresses him as ‘ojaaru’ when you’d expect him to use the proper name instead of the nickname.

I've kind of missed that smirk

it's fun how Momo and Eiji get shown twice to be amazed and point, basically confirming Os as the acrobatic rascal player.

’Increasingly-More-Net no jutsu’ (thx, Holy ^^) Os what are you-- don't give me that 'With that the opponent will become aware of the net being higher than usual and make the ball go out,' random spectator, you don't. You don't get to put another net on the court xD

Sanada says he’s seen enough of this farce and Double Black Dragon strikes the ball in to make it 6-4 for Japan. Yukimura has a note in, saying that the opponent might be able to make full use of his various expressions of his ninjutsu tennis, but that with the current Sanada, finally after a long time put in singles again, none of them will work.

It’s never a good sign when the chapter title ‘ Revival of the Emperor’ drops immediately on the second page of the chapter, when Sanada’s ahead with 5-0.

ah, Os seems to have a breakdown about having practiced ninjutsu for (I presume) the past 12 years (either that or since he was 12 .-. I'm fuzzy) but saying it's impossible after all for a foreigner like himself to become a ninja To which Sanada tell him to pick up his racket-- and he tells him that “The act of dropping your blade before the battle is finished is against the bushido code!! In that, it does not matter whether you’re a foreigner or not.”

I feel like the sentence Os throws him in thanks could be interpreted as a pun by Konomi on Os’ nickname but my translation skills/ninspeak are insufficient to really trace it >.>

Tanegashima says that Sanada’s patience has really grown stronger. By only being chosen to play doubles, he's faced his own tennis head-on and reached an answer. When it comes to heart, body, and technique, if you combine them, he’ll lose to no-one.

After a tight rally, Sanada’s shot goes out, (while Os’ heart is racing like, ‘that was dangerous...!’) and the score is revealed to be 1-5 for France-- Os has taken a game. It’s Sanada’s serving game, and he’s serving for the match. (the note at the bottom of the panel explains that this is basically when you only have to keep your service game in order to win)

Oswald says in true shounen protagonist fashion) that for his grandma in the village, he’ll hit any number of shots back de ojaru (”But I thought ninjas always ended their sentences with de gozaru??” yes.)

But Sanada’s serve, of all things, goes out! Sanada tells himself he’s put too much power in, and yet, his serves keep going out and out, until it’s 2-5 France. Marui says he's never seen Sanada miss so many serves in a row before.

I agree, Yukimura.

--When we have a scene with Sanada correctly identifying the thing on Os’ racket being an elusive 290 gr Southern style Iron Paperweight Doll, to which it is Yanagi’s turn to nerd out;

“While not at all an expensive object, it’s a hard to obtain thing because of its popularity during its peak-- It’s what we too have always looked for”

Os is gracious and has two! So he says he’ll give one to him as a present de ojaru, Sanada accepts gratefully.

To which France tells us that it has finally started. Os’ scary style of tennis isn’t at all those flashy ninjutsu, but--

The ‘Gosha (lit. 5 vehicles) no jutsu’

Ohmagari recognizes it, and says this match might become dangerous after all.

(he’s grown up so fast ;v;)

Os returns the double Dragon Strike (on his own!)

(meanwhile, Yukimura is beautiful--) Kirihara yells that he must really be a ninja to be able to get to it, to which Yukimura responds with “No... There is doubt in Sanada’s shots.” And it becomes 5 all as Sanada’s shot hits the net.

Out once more, and Sanada rams his racket into the court in anger;

Kaidoh comes in with “what happened to ‘ishiki goryou, kannin juuryou’?” which extremely loosely means (Opinions are worth five, patience ten) that it’s important to listen to other people, but also to endure your anger and be patient (which... Sanada does not seem to be doing)

So we finally get the explanation for the ‘gosha no jutsu’ from Ohmagari; “It’s a most scary psychological skill with which you can cleverly control the opponent’s emotions; his feelings and heart.”

Translation by @imperfekti! “‘Kisha’ creates an opening by praising and flattering the opponent. ‘Dosha’ creates an opening by angering the opponent and making them lose their composure. ‘Aisha’ creates an opening by showing the opponent a piteous appearance and conduct, inviting sympathy. ‘Rakusha’ creates an opening by gifting them with something that attracts the opponent’s interest and using that weak point.” Kite: “…Oh? Isn’t one still missing, Oomagari-senpai…?” Osval: “Even though you fought and lost to Echizen-kun once… Isn’t it hard being S2 after him?” Oomagari: “And the most scary one is ‘Kyousha’… By conveying the realities the opponent doesn’t want to experience, and their worst predictions, breaking their fighting spirit.”

Yukimura’s hair is simultaneously too straight and too messy, haha.

The French themselves reveal that mr. PariColle was done in by ‘Rakusha,’ that even the prince fell happily to ‘Kisha,’ Jonathan himself to ‘Aisha’ thanks to that story about that fawn, and Edgard explains that ‘Dosha’ made him lose his temper and caused him to show an opening. Os makes a shot, and Sanada doesn’t reach for it at all. Camus, I presume, says that “He took all of them. It’s pitiful but this match...”

Unpredictable, like the shadow.

Sanada hits it back, in the lines. Os is unable to react.

Byoudouin makes a mental monologue about how Sanada was finally chosen for singles. And that, in order to defeat his opponent on the same battlefield, he had his blade drawn on the jutsu from the beginning. He was just pretending.

“It's the end. I will show you the philosophy of my tennis!”

Sanada was very cool in these chapters, haha! I was a bit worried that the match might be played for mostly comedic relief, as his opponent is literally a weeaboo, but I feel it’s good that Konomi used Oswald’s endearing appeal this way. Truly, the horrors of comedy tennis. (or at least, something that runs on the same principles, except a bit more detailed.) I’m not too sure how to feel about Sanada only pretending to have his balls go out, but I feel it should be a sign of Sanada having a good look at his own style of tennis. By simply not being affected, he could have nullified Oswald’s psychological game... but perhaps, he’d have shifted the battlefield to one more advantageous to him, and we know that Sanada dislikes to throw away a head-on battle. Even if, in this case, it causes him to be as dishonest as his opponent.

#Sanada Gen'ichiroh #prince of tennis #shinteni spoilers #Oswald Delon #why is 'kakatta' such a vague word to translate #it can mean like 80000 things #long post

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sportsgeekonomics · 5 years

Text

The Crystal Ball: Predictions of what the NCAA will say when they finally (claim to) allow a limited exercise of athletes’ NIL rights

Today the NCAA issued an open letter to California Governor Gavin Newsom, threatening to cut California schools out of NCAA championships, threatening litigation, and also casually mentioning that when they get around to allowing some form of NIL rights, it is not going to be, um, well, real in the sense of allowing athletes to operate in the market. To this last point, they write:

“The NCAA continues to focus on the best interests of all student-athletes nationwide. NCAA member schools already are working on changing rules for all student-athletes to appropriately use their name, image and likeness in accordance with our values ...”

Since the NCAA’s values do not include that athletes are entitled to the full market value of their NILs, I think we can read this as a pre-announcement of an intent to restrict athletes rights. (side note, if it’s a right, it’s not supposed to be restrictable)

But the NCAA is so predictable in this desire to arrogate athletes’ rights for their own benefit, that with a fairly high degree of confidence, I believe I can predict several other “features” of the new NCAA NIL policy. To wit:

1) It will involve an artificial cap on what an athlete’s “true” NIL value is, determined by a committee of college administrator types, and designed to ensure that athletes are not “overpaid” for their NIL rights.

Recognize that in most situation where we are concerned about young or naïve people contracting with savvy businesses in the market, we have legal protections to ensure the less knowledgeable people are not taken advantage of by being paid too little. But the problem the NCAA will be worries about will be a needless concern that young men and women will be paid “too much.”

This shows you the NCAA’s concern is not to ensure the rights of the athletes to open-market compensation, but rather to ensure they do not get their full value, for fear of what this will say about how valuable college athletes actually are.

2) The committee’s concerns will be

a. Fear that payment for NIL value will be inflated by payment for athletic value

This has two major problems. The first is a purely economic one. There is virtually no athlete for whom his/her endorsement value is separable from his/her athletic value, esp. prior to retirement. When Klay Thompson does an ad for Kaiser Permanente, a large portion of why he is chosen as the endorse, and why he can command payment above a union scale commercial actor is because he is an awesome basketball player, and his value to Kaiser Permanente hinges critically on the fact that he is beloved in Oakland, where Kaiser Permanente has a presence.

For a car dealer in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, the value of Tua Tagovailoa depends critically on him playing well, and doing so for the Alabama Crimson Tide. If he were to transfer to Clemson, his value to the Tuscaloosa dealer declines to zero, or perhaps even negative. So thinking that these values are somehow severable is foolish.

The second is a civil/economic rights one, which is the idea that a school or sports body should somehow have the right to decide whether two adults transacting in the market for perfectly legal conduct should have their collective judgment of a fair price questioned. In particular, for this third party to step in and override the athletes’ right to engage in commerce to make sure he/she gets less than the market’s own assessment is essentially granting to the NCAA/School ownership over a stream of payments that ought to belong solely to the adult full-citizen.

b. Fear that only the rich schools will be able to offer NIL deals/com balance

There are two fundamental misunderstandings baked into this concern. The first is a belief that caps on individual earnings improve competitive balance in sports. They do not. There are dozens of sports economics papers in professional and college sports that show that caps on what individual can earn doesn’t improve the fortunes of “poor” schools, but instead just changes how the “rich” schools use their money to get talent. (I’ve summarized a lot of them, and discussed the empirical data in the past). If amateurism rules improved competitive balance, we would not have the concept of a Power 5 conference, because all conferences would tend to have an equal chance at being powerful in any given year. We would not have UConn and a handful of other school dominating women’s basketball year-in and year-out. Alabama and Clemson would not be favorites, again, to be in the college football championship after having met up in the CFP the last four years in a row.

Economics has known for 60+ years that talent flows to where it is most valuable, regardless of whether the talent itself receives a share of the profits of not. Prior to free agency, the New York Yankees were more likely to be in the World Series than they are today. This is know as the “Invariance Principle” and you can check out this paper I co-authored for a good discussion of this principle if you’d like. Essentially it says that Alabama will out-recruit Fresno State for QB talent as long as Tuscaloosa has more demand for football talent than Fresno, and allowing that demand to lead to athletes receiving a share of the Tuscaloosa revenue will not change the relative success of Alabama. Ask yourself how many times, currently, Fresno state is able to beat out Alabama if they want the same athlete even when “pay” is capped equally at a scholarship. (spoiler: never)

The second misunderstanding is to think about spending on athletes like a pure consumer luxury good and to imagine a school/community acting like a family with a (short-term) fixed income deciding whether or not to take a vacation. That analogy is horrible for thinking about how major universities decide how much money to allocate to their various means of generating revenue and reputation as educational nonprofits. In that budgetary environment, the value of a star athlete is assessed, not against whether the family can afford a luxury, but rather whether the benefit of adding that athlete is worth the cost. Because it is a business decision, if a school like Fresno State felt it would generate more economic/reputational benefit from a star quarterback than Alabama would, they would offer more. But Fresno’s market is not as lucrative as Alabama’s and so it’s not that Fresno “can’t afford” to outbid Alabama, rather it’s that Fresno’s break-even point is lower than Alabama. So it’s rational for Fresno to stop bidding even when Alabama is willing to continue to up the stakes, and Alabama thus gains the asset.

This is not a argument for fixing prices at the point where Fresno would break even, since all Alabama then has to do is invest in other assets, better facilities, better coaches, etc., (can you say indoor waterfalls?) and since Fresno is already at break-even, for Fresno to invest even a dollar more is wasteful. In other words, it’s not that it’s unfair that Fresno can’t afford to outbid Alabama, it’s actually economically rational for Fresno to let Alabama pay more for talent, because it would cost Fresno more than Fresno would benefit, while the reverse is true for Alabama. It’s win-win for Fresno not to overpay and for Alabama to get the ability to commercialize the athletes’ value. Allowing the money to flow to the athletes instead of the Waterfall Construction Industry just ensures the value reaches those who generate it.

c. Purported Fear that NIL rights will involve too much time away from school

This is somewhat perplexing, for several reasons. The first reason is that shooting a commercial or lending some pre-existing video to a sponsor is not a very time-consuming activity, certainly not compared to the time it takes for a college sport team to travel to a road game (or several) over the course of a week. College Basketball athletes miss something like 40 days of class a year. Suddenly now we’re worried about an afternoon photo shoot?

The second reason is that, of course, activity of this sort can be focused on the summer.

But the third is that the prior goal of making sure athletes aren’t “overpaid” for their NIL goes firmly against the goal of ensuring athletes do not focus on NIL activity too much. If an athlete needs, say, $100,000 to help pay of his mother’s mortgage, wouldn’t it be easier on his time to let him film one lucrative endorsement for $100,000, than to declare that level “too much” and thus force him into doing twenty $5,000 deals? Not everyone has a dollar goal like this, but the best way to ensure anyone who needs money will not do too many side-jobs is to make the first side-job pay enough to cover the financial need.

d. Unsavory advertisers.

This is not as ridiculously as the other concerns. Every sports employer imposes these sorts of terms on their athletes, whether it is a requirement not to endorse a competitor of the team’s official sponsor, or not to advertise for illegal products, or gambling (given that it may be perceived as lowering the integrity of the sports contests themselves, etc.) But the difference here is that these terms are all negotiated as part of an employment contract. If a team wants to tell an athlete s/he can’t advertise for a beer brand, that is baked into the salary they settle on for his/her services, and generally, the salary will rise as the endorsements are more restricted.

In contrast, the NCAA wants to impose these sorts of restrictions, but not compensate the athlete for them. They want to treat the athlete like an employee in terms of imposing rules of employment, but it does not want to grant the athlete all of the benefits of employment, whether it be workers comp, the right to unionize, or even social security matching. To the extent the NCAA needs to control what products an athlete can endorse (which I question), they should be forced to bargain for those concessions, not allowed to simply assert an artificial right to declare them forbidden by fiat.

3) It will involve some mandatory “tether” to education, such as requiring an endorser to offer a summer internship as part of the contract.

By itself, working to get athletes more exposure to the business side of sports is a fine goal. But (a) it contradicts the goal of limiting the impact of the NIL work on school time, and (b) it may force an athlete into internships ill-suited to his/her career aspirations. Take the example of Bryce Love, a recent star at Stanford who also plans to become a medical doctor. He was the runner-up for the Heisman Trophy in his penultimate season at Stanford and he could have easily gotten lucrative endorsement deals from any number of advertisers. But would forcing him to do a summer internship at adidas have helped him get ready for medical school?

So yes, let’s encourage endorsers to offer these sorts of internships, but let’s not allow the NCAA to impose a one-size-fits-all mandate on athletes. There is also ( c) the question of how to handle the star with multiple offers. If the total amount is going to be capped, and if then an internship is also required, an athlete will find his/her ability to do more than one or two sponsorships curtailed as well, which effectively would impose a cap on total earnings on top of individual deal earnings.

4) This will all be done in an effort to maintain a “line of demarcation” between college and pro sports.

Of course, there is, and always will be, a strong demarcation between pro sports and college sports, which is that to play college sports, the athlete must be a student at the college. As long as that “tether” is maintained, no one will confuse the two. It's simple guys: College Athletics = The Athletes Attends College.

Beyond that, further demarcation is unnecessary from the point of view of avoiding consumer confusion. If a real college student is wearing Nike shoes because his school is being paid for him to do so, and suddenly that changes so that he is wearing Nike shoes because his school AND he himself are both being paid, it’s hard to see this as blurring the line. The only way the line between pro and college would be blurred, is if consumer questioned whether the college athlete’s education was genuine. As long as it is, the availability of endorsements, and true access to an open market for those endorsements, will not change that fundamental distinction where College Athletics = The Athletes Attends College.

If the NCAA is worried that endorsements blur this line, it is really a signal they are not confident that college athletes really DO attend college in the same sense as a normal college student. This should be a sign to California to push back and tell the NCAA to focus on fixing that problem, rather than limiting athletes’ economic opportunities to cover up for the NCAA’s failure to ensure all athletes are receiving a true college education.

Conclusion

This ends my prognostication of what we’re going to see from the NCAA. Almost surely, the NCAA plan will seek to override the market assessment of athlete NIL value with the express goal of lowering their income and controlling their efforts to commercialize their image. Whatever the NCAA plan is, it will almost certainly reject the best method of determining fair market value, which is to let transactions in a fair market set value. It will arrogate to the NCAA the athlete's right to determine who he/she endorses, how much he/she can bargain for, and how much time he/she wants to devote to this, in a way that schools do not do for any other student. At core, it will not accept that this is about the athletes’ rights as adults in society, and instead will consider that doling out a slightly higher level of compensation, but denying the fundamental right of market access, should suffice. It is a “how much cash will you need us to dole out to stop insisting on athletes’ getting all their rights” kind of deal.

This is the key. The purpose of ensuring athletes recover their NIL rights is because, well, rights are fundamental. Athletes’ are not second-class citizens – and we should not be fooled by “well, this is less exploitative than before” when the real standard should be “this is no longer exploitative at all.”

This is why my work with the HBL is so vital to my efforts to try to restore college athletes’ full sets of rights. Even when a state passes a law restoring a limited subset of college athletes’ full rights, the NCAA is ready to go to court to use the full weight of our legal system to make sure this doesn’t happen. The NCAA is never going to be on board with the simple concept that College Athletes have equal rights to College Coaches. And so, no matter what the legal question, the fact is we will not see the NCAA pay athletes their full market worth unless and until someone else enters the market and forces them to do so. That someone is going to be the HBL.

The HBL will be the first professional college basketball league. We’re not worried that consumers will be confused; rather we’re confident that when we put teams on the court with the bulk of the elite collegiate talent, fans will be excited to watch, sponsors will be excited to be associated with our league, etc. The league is run by Ricky Volante and NBA legend David West, and you can learn more about us at HBLeague.com.

Remember #AmateurismIsACon

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