#sasha: smh my head

[hayabuuusa]

Brave Witches, Episode 6 “Good Luck”

[thatlovelywitch]

𝙰𝙾𝚃 𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙾𝚁 𝙰𝚄 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙳𝙲𝙰𝙽𝙾𝙽𝚂 𝚃𝙾 𝙲𝙾𝙿𝙴 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙰𝙻𝙴

A/N: first time writing hcs or anything remotely fanfic-esque in AGES (you might know me from my first acc @lostbbygorl lol i went MIA) but yeah actor au aot been living in my head rent free since the finale here ya go

✨ The finale was absolutely sensational and it lands EMA their first Oscar nominations which on top of the show ending makes them even more emotional

✨ In honor of the finale, the cast finally do an extended tour of the set and drop it on their official youtube channel

✨ Jean reposted that one edit of him (iykyk) and everyone went crazy

✨ Gabi is basically North West 💀

✨ Interviews with Gabi have the most views because she's unfiltered ash smh

✨ One of the older actors DEF kissed her cheek on the red carpet and our girl was dressed up and NOT playing she just calmly said "decorum" and wiped her cheek

✨ Yknow that interview of Britney Spears where she tells a reporter that her kissing scene was just pretend and as an adult the reporter shoulda known? Yep that was Gabi's energy when S4 P2 came out and she started getting mad hate for killing Sasha and a bunch of morons forgot aot is fictional

✨ Connie's stories outshine Jack Harlow's any day

✨ Ymir, Eren and Levi are brand ambassadors for YSL, Balenciaga and Dior respectively

✨ There was supposed to be a smexy scene in the cabin but both Eren and Mikasa felt it'd not add any value to the story and make people focus on the wrong things (+ both of them know that aot despite being very dark and mature has a lot of younger fans and they don't want to expose younger fans to anything more explicit than the founder's story)

✨ Reiner and Historia are very good friends off screen and for the finale they took a cute selfie and posted it on Reiner's insta with the caption: homewrecking rn

✨ Falco gets lessons on how to be tough and manly from Jean, Connie and Eren 💀💀💀💀💀

✨ "so you wanna puff up your chest and look real mean-"

✨ Hange humbled Andrew Tate on Twitter once

[abbyslev]

𝑩𝑰𝑹𝑻𝑯𝑫𝑨𝒀 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵𝑺- 𝑨𝑶𝑻 𝑮𝑰𝑹𝑳𝑺 + 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬

A/N: hi babies!! its my birthday, i’m 19!! so scared to be 19, like i feel so old and ugh turning 19 is such an accomplishment for me. thank you all for everything!! i hope y’all enjoy this bday special angels!! ily all!!

WARNINGS: suggestive in yelenas!

HANGE

literally plans everything out weeks before

has every gift you have ever wanted 

remember that shirt you literally eyed at the store three years ago? YEAH IT'S YOURS NOW

bakes you a cake the night before and fails

its okay because levi and erwin dropped off a cake before you woke up and saved hange’s ass

you wake up to kisses and cuddles <3

they can’t hold the excitement in

shoves a bunch of gifts in your arms and watches you open them while rushing you 

“babe this one next!!! no, it has to be this one specifically!!” 

takes the day off and calls off for you <3

already has breakfast set up and you guys share a slice of cake 

you guys take a walk by the lake and hange buys you two a giant cookie to share

you guys watch some ducks swim for a while they go on a rant about tonight

“i'm throwing you a mini party!” 

hange sets up while you get ready because it’s your day to relax and take your time!! 

when you come out of the room hange’s mouth drops 

HOW COULD THEY SCORE SOMEONE AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU??? 

all the guest arrive and hange inspects the gifts before setting them on the table (they’re very nosy smh) 

erwin and levi bake the cake pt. 2

lots of wine and food! 

connie starts a karaoke and sasha joined 

birthday sex in the bathroom (oops)

once the party is over hange gets you dressed for bed while peppering your whole body with kisses

they even take off your makeup for you <3 :(

birthday cuddles

the next morning hange helps you open even more gifts and helps you clean up :) 

MIKASA

has this shit planned since she was born 

treats you like a princess the night before 

bath, candles, skincare, a fancy dinner, everything 

wakes you up softly and hands you a velvet box 

the prettiest fucking necklace you have ever seen 

there’s also a basket on the foot of the bed with everything you could ever imagine 

YOU BASICALLY SOB BECAUSE HELLO?? 

she sits there smiling so hard bc she just loves you sm

makes you crepes and she made some strawberry cake 

takes you shopping around town, just wants to spend the day with you <3 

small picnic

okokokok she helps you get ready for your dinner party!! 

she made a reservation with all your friends at your favorite restaurant!

the dinner was amazing and she made a whole toast and everything 

and the end SHE GETS ON ONE KNEE

BEST FUCKING BIRTHDAY EVER HELLO

armin’s in the corner ab to piss himself like you and mika getting mARRIED??? YES???

ofc you burst into tears mika has given you the whole world how could you not say yes to her

best birthday ever UGH PLS SHE SO BABY STOP

ANNIE 

she’s so sweet

probably gets you some simple gifts

she’s a simple girl OKAY

makes you a nice little breakfast in bed and you guys cuddle, eat and watch your favorite show 

she gets ready with you as always 

she got you this cute, flowy dress !! 

little walk downtown, takes to you to brunch 

as always, she pays <3

spend the day setting up for your bday dinner!!

she makes sure you enjoy your night with all your friends 

pieck made you a cake 

connie’s hand slowly creeped towards your head to push it against the cake 

annie gave him those eyes 

connie preferred to keep his arms so he didn’t push your head <3

at the end of the night annie helps you get into bed

SHES SO SWEET 

she's complimenting you and kissing your ear softly like SOFT ANNIE IS SO

sleeps with her hand in yours <3

SASHA

BAKES EVERY FUCKING DESERT THE NIGHT BEFORE

has connie bring y’all the best breakfast in town

breakfast in bed 

she gifts you a lot of perfumes, sweaters, basically everything you had ever wanted

she gets you this really pretty dress too!! 

takes you over to connie’s to get a tattoo you’ve been wanting for a while <3 

connie gives you a gift w a smirk 

“I spent years looking for this gift!” “Sasha picked it out, didn’t she?” “What? NO!” 

you guys have lunch together <3 

she’s so sweet the whole day 

posting you on her story 5 billion times

yes, she posted the embarrassing pictures too 

connie and jean also post very embarrassing pictures of you but shhhhh that’s ok 

you guys have a small party!! connie offered to host <3

sasha’s by your side the whole time excited because it’s YOUR special day !! 

can’t stop staring at you and smiling fr

she baked a cake and everyone else brought something to eat!!

her cake was 10/10

chocolate w strawberries in the middle <3

you two go to bed so happy that night like sasha so overwhelmed and you just love her sm LIKE UGH

YELENA

she forgets tbh 

until someone posts you on their story 

she’s like OH?

lucky she had a gift for you anyway, she had a feeling she needed it for something 

it was a dainty, pretty gold bracelet 

“good morning, birthday princess.” 

tbh no celebrating just birthday sex all day

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!!

hollyleaf/request

she was always my favorite out of her + her siblings

[hatak-e]

its amazing how often my art style changes

[gothgfgerrykeay]

the first fanart i ever saw of John Amherst blew me away bc op drew him like... pretty and i was picturing him like that cia agent from the Incredibles if his job was to be the crypt keeper and he also had every disease ever at once

[erunapendleton]

talking to Denji/power antis is so annoying. "They're like siblings" is their favorite argument. And it's just so frustrating? like okay? They aren't siblings tho and it is completely okay to ship them??? a ship doesn't even need to be canon for you to ship it either omfg

But regardless someone had said that the bath scene was platonic and not everything has to be sexualized. But I never said it was sexual? that comfortability between them is what I like about them. I like their goofiness and their friendship. Strong friendship creates strong relationships and few understand that. I'm so annoyed rn lol

[yaboirezzy]

My kin/family all use Tumblr-

Molly: Every single odd number has an “e” in it

Peter 1: LISTEN-

Luz: Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter "e" in it…

Amity: Oh titan-

Anne: …If you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd

Amity: -_-’

Anne: (15+15=30 25+25=30)

Luz: 25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

Andrea: Lord have mercy….

Hooty: Bye

Andrea: 3 days into 2018 smh

Marcy: LMAOOOOOOO

Libby: One Three Five Nine And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter "e"

Peter 3: YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

Willow: It keeps getting worse

Gus: LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON???

Sprig: My head hurts…

Hunter: This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

Ivy: Who failed yall?

Peter 2: IM SCREAMING

Scratch: You whole ass forgot about eight – a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

King: Why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? The post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck?

Darryl: 3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

Sprig: Happy New year’s Eve!

Andrea: I’m going to bring this flaming dumpster into 2019 so future generations can see what a mistake Tumblr was

Marcy: Er, guys two is odd and doesn’t have an e. Just saying…

Willow: Did you deadass just try to tell me two is odd? I’m fucking crying throw the whole website away

Peter 3: Reblogging for the last one

Maddie: The one thing I notice is that no matter how much you want to throw this site away, you just can’t

Polly: TWO IS ODD?!?! PFFFTT I’M SCREAMING

Pump: Wait what about zero that’s an odd number, no?

Skid: Ok but hear me out fifty and thirty make up for the fact they have no e by the way they are pronounces third-E fifth-E

Sasha: Bro why do 30 and 50 matter? THEY’RE FUCKING EVEN!!

Hunter: What the actual fuck is happening!?

Marcy: 1 is an even number

Willow: I’m gonna smack you

Libby: -30 and -50 have an e in them

Peter 3: Wait why are we so quick to throw away the Zero idea?

Polly: Zero isn’t a number

Luz: It can’t be divided by two though, can it?

Sasha: It can??? 0/2=0??

Amity: OD NUMBERS onE thrEE fivE sEvEn ninE

Luz: OD numbers huh babe?

Anne: Anything that ends with a 0,2,4,6,8 is even and the rest is odd (1,3,7,9) stop freaking out y’all

Peter 1: YOU FORGOT 5

Andrea, who's lost braincells at this point: DUDE WHAT ABOUT FOUR???

Sprig: What about it?????

Andrea: THAT DOESN’T HAVE E IN IT

Sprig: THAT’S BECAUSE IT’S EVEN?????

Peter 2: A R E Y O U G U Y S O K A Y ?

Darryl: 21 days away from 2020, folks

Andrea: Please tell me I can start the new freaking decade with a post arguing about something as stupid as this. Please...

Peter 1: This is art at its finest

Anne: One week to 2020 dudes

Andrea: I’m so done

Marcy: I'm so upset that even with all the “zero is odd” “no it’s not” stuff no one bothered to point out… It doesn’t matter. Zero, 0, zEro

Libby: But zero isn’t odd. It’s fucking the lack of a number. It’s neutral. It’s empty. There’s nothing there

Marcy: Zero is a number

Scratch: A definition of an even number is that it can be divided by 2 and the result is a whole number. Since you cannot divide zero, you cant divide it by 2 and that means that zero is an odd number. zEro, onE, thrEE, fivE, sEvEn, ninE, ElEven, and then the suffix -teen and every other odd number in english contains the names of the numbers 1 to 9

Libby: Zero is not a goddamn odd number what. Even i know that and i’m not good at math. Also you can divide 0 by 2, it’s 0, you literally just divide it and you just get 0 out oh my gosh. You can’t divide by zero but you can divide zero

Willow: Quote from this one “So, technically, [zero] is even. In fact, it is the most even number there is.” Also does anybody on here ever look anything up or? This is making my brain physically hurt, DEAR TITAN

Peter 3: NO. NO FUCK YOU ALL WE ARE NOT BRINGING THIS SHIT INTO 2020. WHOEVER BROUGHT THIS BACK DID IT ON PURPOSE AND I WILL FUCKING HUNT YOU DOWN FOR SPORT FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS

Peter 1: This post was an absolute train wreck and I’m cursing my followers with it

Sasha: Damn you, spider boi!

Marcy: “Anyone can do math, even gay people”

King: Bitch, are you sure???

Marky: This post is amazing. The Chaos is pleased

Marcy: WTF?!

Hunter: Is this fucking number discourse?!

Ivy: Do you have an issue with that?

Hunter: No but just out of all the things it’s about numbers. Just that it’s weird is all

Maddie: The internet is weird, you should be used to that by now

Peter 1: Yeah that’s true

Sprig: At least the cum soup post was less weird than this

Peter 2: Uhh I’m sorry the what?

Gus: Oh boy here we go again

Willow: How many times have I done this so far?

Peter 3: I’ve done this like…three, maybe four times so far

Willow: Do you really want to know?

Marcy: You can turn back now

Amity: Please why did I have to see this post I had an extra class today and my brain is already dead I don’t have enough brain cells for this

Molly: I had never seen this before today and I told my grandma about it and she’s shaking her head in both humor and disappointment. Good job everyone!

Peter 1: This is the longest post but yall forgot 6

Luz: And 1,3,5,7, and 9 are odd numbers. 5 is an honorary even number, but it is still odd.

Anne: Happy 2020 everyone! Everyday we stray further from god.

Amity: Two years later and we’re still… Tumblr

Peter 1: Reminds me of the recent pinky finger somebody that I used to know debacle on tiktok

-and I regret everything

[ddcjas]

#BITCH LEAVE ME BE #HAD THE BLACK AKA BEYONCE DOLL AND I BROUGHT HER TO SHOW AND TELL IN KINDERGARTEN AND SOMEONE RIPPED HER HEAD OFF #I'M STILL LIKE— THAT JUST MADE THE INNER CHILD OF ME UPSET #STORY OF MY LIFE

wAIT A MINUTE BITCH BC SO DID I???? I MADE DESTINY’S CHILD WITH MY MADISON DOLL/TWO OTHER BLACK BARBIES I HAD AND BROUGHT THEM TO SHOW AND TELL BITCH OMG @ghcstfce

[rein4r1]

All Over Again: Chapter Two

[Reincarnation AU]

Pairing(s): Eren x Female! Reader, Jean x Reader

Content and Warnings: AOT Manga Spoilers, Angst, Mentions of Depression, Mentions of Past Deaths, Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Attachment Issues, Commitment Issues, Family Issues, Use of Alcohol, Mentions of Drugs. Reader has issues.

Wc: 2k

Previous Chapter Series Masterlist Next Chapter

You never took yourself as someone who believed in second chances and second lives, but it only took one encounter with a man whom you swore you never knew but felt familiar to shake the gravity of your existence.

“If there’s a next life, I will find you and love you accordingly.”

He looks at you with eyes that burn full of hope and longing that you almost believe that he was in love.

“I finally found you.”

Chapter Summary:

You and Connie head off to eat brunch at your usual café, unfortunately your friend Sasha can’t come. But Connie invited three more people to keep you company.

"I know it's kind of selfish of me to wish this since we live in this kind of world."

"Why do you say so?" The boy, not older than 15, asks with no judgment.

"I want to- fall in love." You look down with embarrassment, hoping that the boy wouldn't laugh at such a wish.

"I know it's not possi-"

"It's possible." You looked up and saw his eyes with assurance and determination, "your wish is not embarrassing. The world may be cruel, but love still exists because I- I felt it." He smiled, and you swore the stars pale in comparison to his mirth.

"I believe you."

You woke up from another dream. Ever since you met Armin's friend, your dreams became clearer and the scenes longer.

Today's a Sunday which means you either go back to sleep or hang out with your friends. Sleeping is nice, but you can't help but find those dreams unfortunate, and you don't want to experience another dream. You heard a notification from your phone, seeing a message from Connie.

Baldie: You up?

You: Who tfs up?

Baldie: I meant if yOu'RE UP smh

You: I am

You: why?

Baldie: Let's grab brunch at our place

Baldie: I already texted Sasha btw

You: I'll be there in an hour

Sasha's out with her not-so-secret link, so you went alone to you and your friends' place, a café five minutes away from Shiganshina. While walking towards the café, you can't help but think about what happened last Friday night.

"Hey guys!" A voice called out to you and Connie, catching both of your attention.

"Hey Armin! What's up man!" He walked over to the both of you, a figure following him from behind."

"I want you to meet my friend."

"Hello Armin's friend, nice to mee-"the moment your eyes landed on his, your smile failed. Your anesthesia loses its effect, and now you're left with this uncomfortable feeling.

"I finally found you." You looked at him with a frown.

He found me?

Connie noticed the shift in your mood, so he decided to step in. "Yo bro, I'm Connie, and this is one of my girls."

While Connie was introducing you, you noticed how his eyes never left yours.

"I'm Eren," he introduced. Connie made more small talk in an attempt to ease the atmosphere. The more you fall under his gaze, the more uncomfortable you feel.

"I'm sorry, but I- I need to go." You said in a hurry. Your vibe was killed the moment you saw those jade eyes.

As you turned away, you felt someone tug at your wrists. You turned around to see Eren with desperation in his eyes. You forcibly pulled your hand away, "please don't touch me." You saw his face full of dejection, but you didn't regret it one bit.

"I hope I never see him again." You thought to yourself.

You see Connie standing outside the café with-

"Jean?"

"Hey, uhh Connie invited me. I hope you don't mind." You only looked at him nonchalantly.

The two of you sat down while Connie was ordering your brunch.

The both of you sat in silence while you were on your phone scrolling through twitter. Jean felt nervous, this may be nothing to you, but it was everything to him. Because for the first time, he's hanging out with you doing something non-sexual.

"Hey Jean." You called, your eyes still on your phone, "did Connie say anything about Sasha coming?"

"Umm, I don't think he-"

You sighed. Oh well, I guess it's just the three of you.

"Hey guys," You looked up to see Armin and… Eren.

"What are you doing here?" You didn't mean to sound disappointed but there is something about him that makes you uneasy.

"Connie invited us," Eren answered.

Guess it's the five of us.

You tried to stay quiet, resorting to short answers when asked.

Eren watched the whole time, turning away when you caught him staring. He can't believe that it's you. He can't believe that you're here.

He can't believe that you exist, alive and breathing.

"So Eren, why did you transfer here-"

"How are you?"

You know that the question was for you. To hide your uneasiness, you answered him. "I'm fine."

"I'm glad." He smiled. Seeing him smile made you frown. His smile reminds you of someone.

"Well, did you enjoy your food?" He asked, his eyes soft. You just nodded, trying your best to look away. But somehow, his jade eyes are just too beautiful for you not to appreciate it.

"I've never seen such beautiful eyes" You accidentally blurted out. Eren looked at you with surprise.

"I'm sorry I-" he chuckles at your attempt to dismiss your comment.

"Thank you." But mine are nothing compared to yours, he wants to add. One look in your eyes and I promise I'm yours to have, yours to take, and yours to love. He wanted to say, but he just kept it to himself, in fear that when he voices out his thoughts, it'll cost him to lose his chance.

After all, he had done something unforgivable that he'd be spending his entire lifetime to pay for the transgressions of his past.

Because that is what you deserve, and you deserve everything the world could offer.

Jean swears that he never saw you like this, so… out of character. You never complimented him, at least not outside the bedroom. You also never complimented other men, may it be the football captain, Reiner Braun, nor may it be the lacrosse captain, Porco Galliard.

Fuck, you even dismissed Pieck from biology when she showed that she was interested in you. And you didn't bother to look at Yelena's way when half of the female population is crazy over her.

Jean knows he shouldn't feel jealous; you already made it clear where your relationship lies.

And you made it clear that you will never be his.

But it hurts when he sees you conversing with Jaeger with more than five words. And it hurts seeing you trying to suppress a smile whenever he cracks a joke.

Jean knows he shouldn't be jealous. But who says his feelings aren't valid?

While Jean is drowning in his thoughts, he doesn't notice Connie calling out to him until the third time he calls his name.

"Jean! Bro, you okay?" Jean snaps out of his thoughts, and he catches you looking at him with concern.

"Yeah, Jean are you okay?" You asked softly. So Jean did what Jean does the best, suppress and hide what he felt.

"I'm fine."

When Armin first met you, he didn't bother to get close to you, not because he thought you were an evil person, but because of the guilt he carries.

He made himself alone on purpose. Seeing some familiar faces was either refreshing or depressing.

Armin was 13 when he remembered everything that happened in his and your past lives. So when he saw Eren knocking on his door to come and offer him to go to his house to play Xbox, he ran to him and hugged him, tears falling in his porcelain skin.

Eren, surprised at his friend's display of affection, reluctantly hugged him back. He didn't ask him the reason for his action. He just stood there, smoothing his dear friend's back.

In this life, Armin is determined to keep Eren alive.

Life continued; the only addition was his memories of his former life. But it brought Armin horror to see Eren one night during their senior year in high school, crying while looking at the moon.

"I thought it was weird when you hugged me that day Armin." Eren looked at him with tears dancing in his eyes, his voice full of sorrow.

"Armin, I finally remember everything." Armin was at a loss for words and completely glued to the ground.

"I want to see her." Does he mean?

"Mikasa?" He already knows the answer, but he couldn't bring it in himself say the name of that person.

Eren looked back at the moon and stayed quiet for a few minutes.

And then he said your name.

Armin sighed, "so, what is that you want to do now, Eren?"

His brunette friend looked at him once more, his smile showing regret.

"I'm going to find her."

There was a reason why Armin never told Eren that you study at the same university as him. Because as much as he loves his best friend, he can't help but think how selfish Eren is.

He also couldn't bring himself to tell Eren that you changed. While Sasha and Connie were still the same, you were different.

Gone is the girl who smiled at the world despite its cruelty. Gone is the girl who looked at love as the most beautiful thing to exist. All that is left is a girl who seeks temporary happiness from alcoholic substances.

So for two years, Armin lied about your existence.

Until Eren called him one day, crying at three o'clock in the morning.

"Armin please, I- I can't do this anymore. I want to see her. I need to see her." Armin could hear the sniffles from the phone. He closed his eyes and bit his lip.

"Eren, tell me what happe-"

"I keep on dreaming about it 'Min, that day when she-"Hearing Eren broke down made his heart break for his friend. So he did what he does best.

"I'm here to listen, Eren."

"Did you really need to go that far?" Eren came to visit Armin before he died. They talked about everything, the rumbling, his regrets, and how it was Mikasa that freed Ymir.

"The founder's power has made it so that there's no past or future." Eren continued to explain the power of the founding titan and how he decided to kill his mother.

"What about her, Eren? Was it also you?"

"I killed her, Armin. It was me who did it." Eren continued to break down.

"Do you love her, Eren? I thought you love-"

"I love her so much, Armin. I hurt my love so bad." Armin chuckled with bitterness.

"Then why did you do that to her?"

"Because I thought it was for the best. "Armin knew that he had to tell him about you.

Thankfully you didn't dream anything the next day. Surprisingly yesterday's brunch didn't turn out bad as you thought it would be.

You can't deny that Eren still made you uneasy, but you acknowledge that he wasn't boring to talk to.

You smiled when you remembered how his eyebrows scrunched at the bitter taste of coffee after offering him yours.

"You know I've never been a fan of black coffee."

"Really? Pegged you as a guy who liked bitter things." He huffed, "oh yeah?"

"Want to try mine? Perhaps it'll change your mind." You offered.

You can't help but giggle at the sight of him being utterly disgusted at the taste.

"It really tastes bad, almost like shit." He puts his tongue out to emphasize his utterly stupid point.

"Are you saying that I'm a piece of shit?" You said in fake offense.

"Nope." He smiled, "just your coffee."

The both of you continued to converse, from one topic to another; you didn't even notice the time until Armin had to go home.

Honestly, it made you disappointed that your conversation had to stop. Eren, who noticed your dejected look, tapped the table with his finger. You looked at him, and he smiled.

"You know you can always call me if you want to hang out."

You huffed, "and what makes you think that?"

"Sweetheart, you're pouting right now."

Just remembering him made your cheeks heat up. Wait what? You never felt like this before, not to any man (or woman).

You suddenly hear your phone ringing. You unconsciously smiled when you saw who was calling.

"Hey sweetheart, do you want to go to class together?"

And who are you to refuse?

[miekasa]

ugh mr jean kirschtein he’s literally everything 😢 smh now you have to write more hcs for my boy look what you done 🙄🙄

Ask and you shall receive 😌

Spent a stupid amount of money on Hydroflasks so that you two now have matching water bottles. Texts you throughout the day to make sure you actually drink it, and if he catches you and your water bottle isn’t at least half empty by like 2pm, well, let’s just say he’s making you chug it. You will drink your water around him, amen.

He smells good. Like, really good. Like if heaven had a baby with paradise, that’s what Jean would smell like. Whenever you ask him what it is, though, he gets weirdly secretive and doesn’t want to tell you (or anybody really).

I think he dresses pretty well, and he likes it when you complement his style (because he tries very hard LMAO). If he’s wearing something new and you don’t comment on it he’ll very unsubtly hint that you should notice it like, “This is a nice coat, isn’t it babe? Super nice, wouldn’t you say? I think it looks pretty good on me, no?”

He can be extroverted with his friends, and likes spending time with them, but he’s kind of a homebody otherwise. If it’s not a planned outing, or somewhere where he’s guaranteed to have fun, he would rather just stay in. Complains if you want to get him out of the house. Pouts for the rest of the evening.

Dislikes phone calls so if you want to speak to him, it has to be via FaceTime. Even if he’s sitting in the dark and your camera is pointed towards your ceiling which would have had the same effectiveness as a regular phone call anyway 🙄

Texts you literal poems in the middle of the day, and they’re all stupid and incoherent and he does it just to bother you. Also when I said text, I meant via any platform that isn’t messages, so your insta dms are either him replying to your stories with lewd emojis, or his terrible haiku about how good he thinks you looked walking by him earlier today. 

Tries very hard to learn about your interests and hobbies. You could literally tell him you like to knit and a month later, he shows up with the tiniest little knitted coaster and is like, “Babe, look what I learned how to do!!” 

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think he’d be super affectionate when he’s drunk. A very happy, very touchy drunk; but not just with you, with all his friends. And I think that when he and Eren are drunk together, they’d be uncharacteristically affectionate with each other. Like piggy back rides, and arms around shoulders, and hugging affectionate. Both of them deny it to their graves when they’re sober.

Plans very thoughtful dates, but gets embarrassed if anybody else finds out about them, or if you point out that they’re thoughtful. Don’t even try to take a picture of him while you’re out or eating, he’ll literally throw a hissy fit. “But Jean!! I want people to see the very romantic dinner you made!!” “Why, so Sasha can comment obscene things about it? No—hey don’t take a picture with the flash, are you crazy??!!”

On the subject of food, like you said, he’s kind of a picky eater, but suddenly everything tastes better when it’s from your plate and not his. “Jean, you also ordered fries—hey, eat your own!” “But yours taste so much better.” “THEY’RE THE SAME THING!!”

Has this weird dichotomy between letting everyone know you’re dating him, and refusing to talk about the fact that he’s in a committed relationship. Like if people are talking about you, he’ll very proudly say that you’re his girlfriend, but the second people start to tease him about it or ask him about the details of your relationships it’s suddenly “none of anybody’s business.”

I think in general, he acts kind of cocky and Cool, but at the same time downplays his own strengths and merit. He’s a pretty good student—smart enough to help tutor his friends sometimes, at least, but he wouldn’t say that about himself if you asked. Or if you pointed it out that his prof picked him for an internship or something he’d try to not make a big deal out of it.

Which is why you should absolutely make the biggest deal out of it and shower him with affection. And a little bit of embarrassment, it’s okay, it builds character.

He literally walks into your room with something to complain about from his day. The first thing he does after greeting you, is toss his backpack aside, lay down wherever you’re sitting, put his head on your lap, and start bitching about how stupid everything is. It’s 10x more entertaining when he’s drunk.

[eldritchqueerture]

Chapter 5: Yesterdays Left Far Behind

Chapter Summary: Jon explains his situation to Gerry in hopes of support, while the archival assistants search Jon’s office for any clues as to what’s happening with him. What they find quickly sets certain things in motion.

CW: self deprecation, canon-typical Lonely content, invasion of privacy, swearing, starvation, fainting

Author's Notes: I've been so busy, this week felt like two months 💀 I hope you guys enjoy this chapter though :DDD I'll try to have the next one next week but it might be a bit later, stuff irl just keeps happening smh

Work Summary: Jon awakens with a tidal wave of memories that don’t make any sense. In an attempt to go on with his life, he searches for the cause of the turmoil in his mind. He knows, though, that something inside him is waking up.

Likes are greatly appreciated, but please consider reblogging so other people may see it! Thank you 💜

Tim leans back, one arm tossed over the back of the chair, the other hand picking at his lips. His eyebrows are drawn together as he looks up at Sasha.

“Okay, so what does that mean?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Martin says quickly. They shouldn’t talk about this without Jon. He’ll have answers. Martin is sure Jon will have an explanation.

“Did he really make this—thing answer his question? Just like that?” Tim snaps his fingers and Sasha nods, deep in thought.

“I felt… I felt the air kind of electrify. All my hair stood up,” she sighs. “I just… Do you think he’s—”

“Don’t say it,” Martin warns her. Tim’s eyes land on him.

“Martin. I understand you have a crush.” His voice is patient but serious, and he ignores Martin’s sputtering. “But you heard the tape yourself! He knows more than we do about this… Hive, or whatever, and I have a feeling he’s known for a while now. He hasn’t been himself since he took this damn job.”

“Besides, I still don’t believe it was dumb luck and a hunch when you were trapped with Prentiss,” Sasha adds and shakes her head. “Not to mention the whole deal with Naomi Herne.”

Martin goes quiet. Fog gathers at the edges of his mind; a fog he knows very well. It sweeps up all of his thoughts and feelings, leaving him alone and lost in the mist. It appeared about the time he was transferred to the Archives by Elias, and Martin just brushed it off as nerves. The acute sense of not belonging, of being different, ill-fitting. Worse. Makes the imaginary fog that takes away all your suffering that much more welcome.

But something in the way Jon spoke that question on the tape… Something stirs in the fog now, and Martin is starting to have doubts. Concerning what? He can’t tell. There is a quiet anxiety at the bottom of his stomach, however, and the more he thinks about Jon being able to… to make people answer his questions, the more the anxiety stirs and the fog swirls in front of him. He doesn’t think the fog moving is a good thing.

“Do we tell Elias?” Sasha asks and Tim looks at her.

“Do you trustElias?” He raises his eyebrows. “If Jon is all… spooky now, for some reason, then I’d pin the blame on him first.”

“Fair.” Sasha scratches the back of her neck and frowns. “Michael kept calling him the Archivist.”

“Yeah, it almost sounds like a title.” Tim grimaces. “I don’t like it.”

Martin digs his short nails into the skin of his palm to bring back his slipping focus.

“H-He might just…” He takes a breath. “He might not know much more than we do? Maybe—Maybe he doesn’t know what to do?”

Tim exhales through his teeth and rolls his eyes.

“Martin, will you ever stop defending this man? I think he knows exactly what he’s doing.” Tim gesticulates with his right hand. “He knows something, and he won’t tell us what because he thinks he can handle everything on his own. He does that! And, you know, it’s fine when he does this to himself, because it’s literally not our responsibility if he wants to spend the rest of his life in a dingy office, smelling old paper and cigarette smoke, but now it’s also dangerous for us! This isn’t looking good, and if something’s out to get us, I won’t let it catch us unawares.”

Martin’s mind fogs up and he can’t quite meet their eyes. Sasha places a reassuring hand on his shoulder and Tim stands up with a sigh.

“Come on, rant over. Let’s go talk him.”

Gerry is sitting on top of a stone fence, playing with the ring in his lip absent-mindedly.

“I mean—I mean you know how ridiculous that sounds?” He looks at Jon leaning against the fence on his right. The sky is now coloured with light grey and some touches of yellow and pink; the night has dispersed throughout Jon’s story. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re pulling my leg and fuck right off.”

“Then I hope you do know better,” Jon mutters and sighs. “I wish this was all just a dumb joke. And yes, I am acutely aware of how ridiculous it sounds. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried, not really my type of humour, to be honest.”

Gerry stares at him for a moment.

“Okay, so to sum it up,” he says. “There’s a part of you that calls itself The Archivist, that has spooky eyes and only manifests in dreams, and is imprisoned with magnetic tape, and, if we believe what it says, then the flashes of memories you’ve been getting are yours but from an alternate universe.”

Jon hides his face in his hands, pushing his glasses up to his forehead.

“On top of that,” Gerry continues. “The worm thing is going to attack the Institute in an unspecified amount of time, you’re sure at least one of your assistants had died in the other timeline, and you also somehow caused the end of the world.”

Jon shakes his head and slides down the fence to sit on the ground.

“When you put it all together like that it just sounds worse.”

“Well, you’re right on that,” Gerry snorts. “Don’t you think if you freed the Archivist, you’d get those memories back? Maybe the picture would be clearer.”

Jon looks up at him.

“M-Maybe… But that would mean becoming a monster.”

“Well, he is a part of you either way, right?” Gerry shrugs.

Jon presses his lips together.

“I… I don’t really know. Sometimes it feels like it is just another facet of me, and sometimes it’s a whole other entity.” Jon plays with a stone on the ground nearby. “I keep catching myself thinking I’m bound to become it either way… Unless, of course, I die.”

“Gertrude never talked about being the Archivist much,” Gerry muses and Jon raises his eyebrows at him with interest. “She didn’t turn into an eyeball creature. She stayed human up until we parted ways, and it didn’t really matter.” He looks at Jon with a sort of tired sadness. “She still ended up acting like a monster.”

“How did you separate?” Jon asks. “I… I remember you dying in America, in 2014. You were travelling with her then and unexpectedly had a seizure. The cancer was too advanced to save you.”

Gerry tilts his head back and sighs into the air.

“We caught it in time. A couple years ago; got radiation therapy and been recovering since. Although I did have another close call in 2014; not cancer, just a bullet wound in Pittsburgh. Nasty Slaughter case.”

“That’s where it happened,” Jon nods. “You were… Investigating something.”

“The Unknowing.”

Jon blinks and frowns.

“Doesn’t ring any bells.”

“Do you recall anything about Smirke’s entities?” Gerry asks and Jon runs a hand through his hair.

“Smirke…? Yes, it… He built it all, the buildings, and the fears… He…”

“Jon?” Gerry tilts his head curiously.

“He—He wanted to balance them all. Somehow— Christ,” Jon hisses when an electric shock runs through his brain. “It—It hurts when I try to remember.”

Gerry stays quiet and Jon feels the need to explain.

“Everything is… hazy. It’s like I landed in a river, and the current is so strong it could kill me. For now I’ve constructed a dam but that means there are still things I don’t know, and they sometimes spill inside, but I have no control over when and how. If I try to reach out…”

“Then the dam would break?” Gerry asks and Jon nods.

“Yes.”

“Alright,” Gerry takes a breath. “I can tell you what I know, then, and you can make any mental corrections and comparisons as needed. How does that sound?”

Jon blinks and looks up at him in earnest.

“You… You actually believe me.”

Gerry laughs softly.

“I guess so,” he admits. “I don’t know you, but I really don’t think anyone could be making all this up.”

“You’d be surprised what people can come up with.” Jon rolls his eyes with a hint of his usual annoyance.

“Besides, this all kind of explains your fucked up marks,” Gerry mutters and Jon stills.

“My what?”

“Your marks.” When he’s met with confusion in Jon’s eyes, he explains. “You know, when a person has a supernatural encounter, they’re marked as a victim of the Fears. I can usually tell what sort of fear it was.”

“A-And mine?” Jon asks with a growing sense of unease.

“They’re just kinda… All over the place.” Gerry grimaces. “The only one that’s clear is the Eye because of the Archives, the rest is just kind of muddled and faint.” He shakes. “I don’t think I want to know what you’ve been through to get them so tangled up.”

Jon lets out a faint laugh.

“I don’t think I do either.”

At this moment his phone starts vibrating in his pocket. He takes it out and his heart skips a beat.

“I-It’s Sasha. My—my assistant. I kind of left them… Christ, I left them without much of an explanation,” Jon mutters and sighs. “God, I really don’t know what to tell them.”

“I find honesty works best in these kinds of situations,” Gerry jumps down from the fence and extends a hand to Jon.

“Have you had a lot of these kinds of situations?” Jon raises his eyebrows and takes the hand gladly. As soon as he’s up, he pats down his trousers to get rid of dirt, while Gerry chuckles.

“Got me there. I usually work alone; Gertrude did too. If she worked with someone, it was usually just to use them for some kind of an end.” A look of hurt passes through his face. “Maybe I’m not one to know, but not facing it all alone doesn’t sound terrible.”

Jon’s forehead ripples in sympathy.

“I think I made the mistake of pushing them away once,” he says quietly. “Thank you, Gerry.”

“Wait.” Gerry points at Jon’s phone. “I’ll give you my number, so we can get in touch later.”

With a soft, surprised oh, Jon unlocks his phone. A message from Sasha appears on the screen, in all caps: “JON ITS URGENT GET BACK NOW”. Fear freezes his insides as he hands it to Gerry.

“Something’s gone wrong,” he mutters.

“It’s not far.” Gerry taps the number in in record speed and hands him the phone back. After a brief look over Jon’s face, he pats his shoulder reassuringly. “You’re gonna be fine.”

Jon exchanges a last look with him, nods more to himself than to Gerry, and rushes in the direction of the Institute.

—

“Well, this is a development.” Tim crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. “He ran away!”

He stands in Jon’s empty office, with Sasha looking through his desk. Martin hovers outside in the bullpen, anxiously fidgeting.

“He’s found Prentiss’ statement,” Sasha mutters, looking at the document.

“Guys, I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Martin shouts weakly. “What are you even hoping to find?”

“An explanation.” Sasha answers, opening a drawer. “Any clues would be great at this point.”

The drawer contains some office supplies and keys to the storage rooms and such around the Institute. She opens the second drawer and finds empty tapes. She takes a quick look through them and notices one that has a label in Jon’s handwriting. “Memory.”

“That’s interesting,” she says, straightens her back, and shakes the tape slightly for Tim to see. “Get the tape player.”

She takes the tape outside the office and places it in the device.

“This—This really feels like a violation of privacy,” Martin frantically looks at them, although they do not appear to share his sentiment.

“Look, Martin, if he wanted us to blindly trust him, he shouldn’t have left like that,” Sasha says, and her voice is soft but steady. “And he is hiding something, you know that.”

Martin swallows but doesn’t say anything. The fog creeps up closer and closer as Sasha plays the tape. He silently and quite unwittingly hopes that it will protect him from whatever’s on it.

[CLICK]

[SHAKY BREATHING]

I… I just…

I need to…

[ARCHIVIST STATIC RISES AND JON’S VOICE DEEPENS]

You could never imagine feeling something so intense, so pronounced, and so overwhelmingly painful. Of course, you Know all of this; you know every emotion any human being has ever felt but you have never experienced them for yourself like this, in the whole scope of their intensity.

You stand next to the window, overlooking what used to be a wild meadow. You remember it full of flowers and tall grass, bathed in golden sunlight; watching the grass move on the wind, with the one you love by your side. You remember the blue sky, clear of clouds, and full of fresh air.

All those memories are now tainted with the Knowledge of what is. Of what you have brought about.

The meadow outside the window is but a lifeless desert. You cannot see anything for miles unless you close your eyes… but you can hear it. You hear the screams of searing agony and frigid dread, and you Know that you are responsible for every single one of them.

You look up at the sky – it is dark, deeper than dark, something that would be ready to swallow the Earth in its entirety if only given a chance; but it doesn’t. Instead, it watches. The sky watches with thousands upon thousands of eyes following every little movement and thought. And you know that the Eyes are fond of you. You’ve done them a big service. “You deserve a reward,” the eyes say.

You know where the reward is; you know what it is that waits for you at the centre, like a freshly cooked meal at the end of a hard day at work. A reward from The Eye. A reward for bringing about an era of dread and terror.

You fall to your knees, wracked with the grief and guilt that drown your mind, clutch at your heart and throat, not letting you breathe. You don’t need to breathe. You don’t need anything in the world you have created.

The one you love is beside you, whispers a soothing song of meaningless words that do nothing to ease the vast, overwhelming void of misery that eats you from the inside. You close your eyes and in the dark of your eyelids you still see it. The Tower. The Pupil of the Eye. The Panopticon.

And you hate yourself for yearning for it.

As strong arms embrace you on the hard, wooden floor of the cabin, you remember when you had a dream. It wasn’t really long ago, but for you it feels like an entirely different lifetime. And perhaps you are right – after all, time doesn’t exist anymore.

You remember when you had a dream of a peaceful life with the one you love. You tasted it, just a drop, but the desire for quiet and warmth has overtaken your entire being, and you fell in love once again with the one you love, as well as with the cabin, which now has turned into your prison. You remember thinking, hoping that it was all over; that getting him back was the only thing that really mattered, and the rest would fall into place. You had no idea of just how many silken threads of web you and your companion were entangled in.

You remember the embraces, the soft kisses, and comfortable silences, and you cannot quite wrap your head around the fact that the one you love is still there, by your side; after everything you’ve done.

You remember speaking the words, clear as day, which now is only a distant concept in your mind. You know day because you know everything. You know that the souls this world of your creation is feeding on could not remember day. All they know, and would know for the rest of eternity, is torment and fear.

The words glistened on the page – or were those your tears? – as you uttered the prayer to the Power that you, after everything, still served. You owed it your life; your soul. The Pupil knew of the debt the Archivist owes, and he would make sure that it was paid in full. The lines of deception went far deeper than you could have ever predicted.

And as the last word teared itself from your trembling, bleeding lips, your eyes flashed with green light, blinding the whole world and extinguishing the sun. The sky ripped itself into a thousand little pieces and from every crack emerged a glowing Eye, ready to take in everything about Its new world. And as the new world created itself from the light, you collapsed on the floor, your eyes bleeding and burned, yet still seeing.

Seeing It All.

Despite everything the one you love tells you, and everything you tell yourself, you hear a part of your being, a part that’s made of never-closing eyes and strings of magnetic tape, whisper that you could have stopped reading the words before you even started. It tells you that you know you had made a choice – you have chosen to live as the monster of the Eye in a world that serves and feeds you – and you believe it. And even though you believe yourself a monster, you feel your human conscience shattering every last piece of what’s left of you inside.

You can feel every drop of suffering and pain you have doomed the world to. And you’re not sure if it is a punishment severe enough to match what you deserve.

[STATIC LOWERS AND JON’S BREATH CATCHES]

Oh, God…

[SOBBING]

[CLICK]

Silence falls over the Archives when the whirring of the tape stops, as Tim and Sasha lock shocked gazes.

“What—” Tim speaks and exhales slowly. “If this is some elaborate, fucked up joke I’m going to murder this man myself.”

Sasha shakes her head slowly, confusion painted clearly on her face.

“I don’t think this is a joke, Tim,” she says quietly.

“If—If I didn’t know Jonathan Sims, I would say he’s a pretty good actor, but…” Tim throws his arms in the air and exhales through his teeth. “What are we even supposed to make of this?”

“Why would he record it?” Sasha takes out the tape and looks it over; nothing besides the label offers any clues.

Their voices grow steadily muted until Martin can’t distinguish the words anymore. He sits in his chair, staring blankly into space, focused solely on hiding his trembling hands. The fog is so close now, he can feel it – a chill that freezes blood in his veins, a cold so strong it numbs. It caresses his cheek softly, seeping through the skin promises of fading, far away to a place where he doesn’t need to think or feel anymore. He thinks back to his friends – or, work acquaintances? They were never his friends to begin with. They seemed distressed about something, and Martin wanted to help, wanted to be useful… But he couldn’t even be that. Maybe it’s better for him to move aside, let them handle whatever’s happening. He’d only stand in the way.

His eyes glaze over with grey fog and it’s all he can see. All he wishes to see.

Just him and his endless fear.

“…tin? Martin!”

He almost feels something touch his shoulders, a faint memory of warmth, but the cold numbs it fast, lines of frost running along his veins. The sensation of having a body slips from his mind and he doesn’t fight it anymore. He’s so, so tired of fighting.

He’s probably dying. Yes. This is it, then.

It’s exactly how he’s always imagined it – cold and grey. Lonely.

—

As soon as he sees the entrance to the Institute, Jon spots her standing by the doors, searching the opposite side of the street. He breaks into a run to traverse the distance.

“Sasha!” The fear makes his voice sound weaker. He stops by her side just as she turns to him. “I—”

“Martin's gone,” she says breathlessly.

“Ma, uh... What?”

“He's gone! Disappeared into thin air right before our eyes.” Her eyes are wide with panic, and she clutches her phone in a tight grip. Jon’s stomach drops when he realizes he has never seen Sasha so panicked before. “Tell me you know what to do, there's nothing to follow up, no clues, no trail, nothing, he just… He just vanished.”

“That's impossible,” Jon says half-heartedly, and the desperate look Sasha gives him only lessens his ability to deny the truth.

“Tim's searching the Archives again, but there's just no sign of him.” She climbs the stairs with Jon following close behind, and they enter the Institute's lobby. Jon's heart threatens to jump out of his chest, and he gets that feeling again – that damned conviction that the answer is just out of reach in his mind.

“What were you doing when he disappeared?” Jon asks in a hushed voice as they pass through the middle of the lobby towards the Archives; Rosie gives them a questioning look. Sasha glances back at him and hesitates. “Sasha, what were you doing when Martin disappeared?”

He doesn't even notice how easily he slips into the deeper tone, coated in static. He stops as soon as the words fall out of his mouth, and Sasha follows suit.

“We searched your office,” she says with a sigh. “You were being really strange, and we needed to know what's going on with you, but he didn’t like that idea very much. We found a tape labelled Memory, and when we finished listening Martin was... translucent. We called his name, but I don’t think he heard us. Then, he just... disappeared entirely.”

Sasha takes a step back with a horrified look on her face. Behind her, Jon sees Tim, at the top of the stairs to the Archives, staring at him in equal horror. As soon as their eyes meet, Tim springs to action, pushing Jon away and placing himself between him and Sasha.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He growls.

“I-I, uh...” Jon falters, running a hand through his hair. His thoughts are scattered in panic and all he can see on Tim's face is anger and fear.

“What even are you?” He almost spits the words out. “Because you sure as hell ain't Jon.”

Jon opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. He just shakes his head helplessly.

“Tim...” Sasha grabs his shoulder, and he looks back at her with concern.

“Are you hurt?” He asks and the fear cracks his voice. Sasha shakes her head.

“No, it was…” She blinks and takes a steeling breath, before turning to Jon. “Since I had to answer you, please, now return the favour. Do you know what happened to Martin?”

Jon swallows and searches the floor of the Institute’s lobby with his eyes. The tape, he recorded it some time ago during a flashback of sorts. The memory weighed him down like a sack of stones and he needed to get it out; the tape seemed like the most convenient way to do so. But what does it have to do with Martin? And how can a person just… completely disappear?

“Tell me—,” he inhales. “I need to know what it looked like. The way he disappeared, what exactly happened. With details.”

It doesn’t escape Jon’s notice the way Tim’s features harden at his words, and his hand clutches Sasha’s arm. He pushes away the hurt to a far corner of his mind.

“He went grey,” Sasha says, voice losing its earlier determination and slipping into concern. “Like… Like a picture losing saturation. He stared into the air, like his mind wasn’t even there. It grew cold, I think.”

“He turned into a wisp of fog and vanished,” Tim adds quietly. Jon shivers at that.

He remembers a place of grey fog, with the ever-present sound of ocean waves. A whole landscape covered in a roiling mass of cloying grey that coated his skin and made it hard to breathe. He found Martin there once; surely he could do it again. If he can find that place again, of course.

“I think I know what happened,” he whispers and a wave of sorrow washes over him. He presses his eyes shut for a moment, but then he freezes, feeling a gaze at his back, studious and prickling like a sharp needle through his core. He whirls around and looks up at Jonah Magnus.

“Jon?” Sasha asks, at the same time as Tim mutters: “Fucking hell, we already have enough to deal with.”

Jon’s sorrow sparks into an anger so bright it blinds all his other senses. Elias looks at him with eyebrows raised in polite interest.

“Where's Martin?” Jon walks up to him, barely restraining himself from attacking the man on the spot.

Elias shrugs, shaking his head innocently.

“How would I know? I just came out of my office to check what the commotion's all about.”

There are sparks of amusement in his eyes and Jon has had more than enough.

“Where is he?” This time he pushes all the energy he can muster into the words, deepening his voice, and he feels the power flow through his veins. His vision swims and he sways, although manages to keep his balance. Elias barely hides his surprise, and he visibly shivers, as if cold.

“He never left the archives,” he says slowly and tilts his head, studying Jon like a particularly interesting museum exhibit. “I'm sure if you go down there and check, you will find him making himself a cup of tea.”

Jon wonders if the compulsion worked at all. The power was there, and it exhausted him to an almost unbearable degree, but he has no way of knowing whether it actually pulled the truth out of Elias.

He searches his face for a moment longer, trying to work out if this is some kind of a trap, but a wave of cold sweat and a sudden ache in his stomach make him decide to leave it and go check for himself. He doesn't want Elias to see him when his waning energy runs out, and he already feels like he might pass out any second. He blinks to restore the sharpness of his vision and turns around without another word.

He passes Tim and Sasha on the stairs, not sparing a look at them. He doesn't want to see their faces, whatever expressions they might bear. He needs to find Martin, make sure he's okay, hug him and never let him go, never let anything touch him...

He opens the door to the archives and rushes to the breakroom, shaking slightly with effort. As he stops by the door, he immediately leans his hand against the wall for support and blinks away the dark spots from his vision. He sees Martin's broad frame next to the counter, holding a mug. He turns around and a look of soft surprise appears on his face.

“Hi.” He smiles slightly, fingers wrapping around the mug. Jon searches his face, then the rest of his body for signs of... What exactly? Martin seems perfectly fine at first glance, but his expression now morphs into concern. “Jon? Are you okay?”

“Are youokay?” Jon asks, hearing Tim and Sasha's steps behind him.

“Uh, yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” Martin chuckles with confusion as Jon slowly walks up to him.

He lightly touches his arm, checking that yes, Martin seems perfectly material. There are no traces of fog anywhere, although, as Jon looks into his face he notices that his eyes are faded almost entirely to grey.

“Um…” Martin’s gaze travels from Jon’s hand to Tim and Sasha at the door. “Is something… going on?”

“Is something—” Tim scoffs in disbelief. “Martin, you disappeared! Are you okay?”

Jon withdraws his hand and takes a couple steps back to lean his back on the wall, his stomach twisting in pain and another wave of cold sweat washing over him. Martin frowns.

“I was here the whole time,” he says. “You went upstairs to call Jon. What are you talking about?”

Tim gapes at Martin while Sasha frowns, visibly thinking.

“No, we went to Jon’s office,” she says slowly. “With you. And we found a tape, remember?”

Martin laughs nervously.

“There’s a lot of tapes around here, Sasha. But I’ve just been sitting here since you left.”

Jon furiously blinks trying to bring balance to his swaying vision. Tim glances at him.

“Jon, sit down, you look like you’re going to pass out,” he says. Jon swallows and nods, but as soon as he lets go of the wall, his knees give out and he tumbles to the floor.

“Woah!” Tim catches him, and his world is enveloped by darkness.

—

Jon stirs, surrounded by a familiar smell. Martin. He smiles, not fully awake yet, letting himself enjoy the moment. He knows Martin is a morning person; he’s surely already out of the bed, preparing tea in the kitchen and watching the sun’s slow ascent over the Scottish hills. Jon hopes today is going to be a sunny day; they could go for a walk, finally see the pond Esther has been telling Martin about. There’s not a lot of young couples in the village, she said, with everyone moving away to bigger cities, but apparently it’s a very picturesque spot, ideal for a quiet date. Jon thinks they deserve that, after everything they’ve been through…

He stirs again, multiple hushed voices registering at the edge of his consciousness. Did they have guests? No, that’s impossible, no one ever came by their house; they even collect mail in the village.

Jon groans at the empty ache in his stomach, and the voices go quiet.

“Jon?” The voice belongs to Martin. Jon blinks, the sweet dream fading away quickly, replaced by memories of recent events.

“Martin…” He mumbles and winces. Martin will know what he needs, he’ll take care of him. Just one statement should be enough to get him to be somewhat functional again, Martin should know that—

“Do you need some water? God, when was the last time you ate something?” He asks when Jon’s stomach rumbles. Jon blinks again to clear his vision, and sees he’s in the document storage, laying on the cot. The sheets still smell of Martin, who crouches next to the cot with worry creasing his forehead. Tim and Sasha share this expression, standing a little to the back.

“Why don’t you go to the breakroom and get some food for him?” Sasha asks Martin quietly. “Some sweet tea probably would be good as well.”

“Yeah, okay,” Martin nods and, after giving Jon another concerned glance, gets up and leaves the document storage. Sasha turns her gaze to Jon, who carefully sits up and leans his back on the wall.

“How are you feeling?” She asks and Jon can’t miss the terse note in her voice. Something heavy weighs his chest down and his limbs could very well be made of lead.

“Drained,” Jon says hoarsely.

“We need some answers and fast.” Sasha glances at the door. “Martin doesn’t remember the tape at all.”

Jon frowns. Martin doesn’t remember… Jon has a feeling Martin doesn’t remember a whole lot more things than just the tape.

“It’s like his memories were switched up,” Tim joins, with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “It’s really freaky.”

“I… I don’t know why he doesn’t remember,” Jon says quietly, searching the floor. “I have no idea what happened.”

“Okay.” Sasha nods. “Then your thing, making people answer your questions. What’s that about?”

Jon sighs and rubs his face.

“It’s… It’s complicated.”

“Figures,” Tim scoffs.

“Look, this place… It changes me. It probably affects you as well, but not to a noticeable degree.” Jon picks up his glasses from the box that serves Martin as a nightstand and puts them on. “This power, it… It’s supposed to help the Archivist get statements from people.”

Sasha raises her eyebrows.

“What do the statements do?” She asks.

“They, uh…” Jon swallows. “The Institute is dedicated to a power of fear some call the Beholding, or the Eye. The statements feed it, and It in turn, feeds the Archivist.”

He can’t bear to look at them. He can’t face the looks of horror, the disgust, the revulsion. For a moment he’s overcome with an urge to just close his eyes and give up, let the matters take their course without him. How did he handle this last time?

“That explains the bleeding eyes, I guess,” Sasha mutters. “Why did you tell Naomi Herne to leave?”

Jon looks up at her in surprise. She seems genuinely interested, trying to piece together the answer without judgement. Jon shivers at how strongly it aligns her with the Eye.

“I…” He searches for words and closes his eyes in pain. “I don’t want to be a monster.”

The words are quiet and Jon’s insides twist with embarrassment at how pathetic they sound. Tears gather behind his eyelids without much consideration for his broken pride.

“How do you even know all this?” Tim speaks up, his expression not betraying how he feels about all this. Jon lets out a tired chuckle.

“That’s the really complicated part,” he says. “I—”

At this moment the door to the storage opens and Martin walks in with a steaming mug in hand.

“Unfortunately, there’s not much in the way of food,” he says, gently passing the mug to Jon. Their fingers brush and Jon’s throat closes up. “By that I mean there is literally nothing. S-Someone has to go out to get some.”

“Sasha, you should take the day off,” Jon says, blowing air carefully on the tea. “You haven’t slept tonight.”

“Neither did you, and you’re the one who fainted.” She crosses her arms. “I hope you don’t intend to stay here.”

“I have to.” He looks Sasha in the eyes pointedly, hoping she understands. “I have a statement to record.”

She inhales, looking him over, and nods slightly.

“That’s insane,” Martin pipes up. “You need to get some sleep, you can’t possibly—”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he mutters and takes a sip. The tea is very sweet, more so than he usually takes it, but it warms his stomach.

“Jon.” Martin’s pleading voice salts an open wound inside Jon’s chest. He should know why, he should remember, he should—

Jon blinks away the wetness from his eyes, not looking at Martin.

“I won’t change my mind, so you can save your efforts,” he says and slides off the cot. Martin watches him with worry, ready to catch him if he falls.

“Told you, Marto,” Tim says, seemingly aiming for a joking tone, but some of the tension of the situation finds a way into his voice.

“Just… Promise me you’ll at least take a nap?” Martin asks and Jon finds it impossible to say no.

“Fine.” He shakes his head. “I will. Now, I need to get to work.”

Sasha looks at him, biting her lip, as if debating something in her mind.

“I’ll explain everything on Monday, I promise,” Jon adds but Sasha shakes her head.

“No. We’ll meet tomorrow, somewhere inconspicuous. This can’t wait that long. I assume nobody has any special Saturday plans?”

They all shake their heads.

“Good.” Sasha nods. “I’ll pick a place and then we’ll talk.” She looks at Jon with raised eyebrows. “Agreed?”

Jon sighs and nods.

“Agreed.”

----

Author's Note: Jmart angst? Me? I would never 😶

Today's chapter title inspiration is Papillon by Blanco White! :)

[utopia-and-broken-cynics]

(A/N: take this thing I’m never going to finish. I don’t even remeber what I wanted to do with this, smh.)

Even a king could use a break from time to time.

And there was no denying that he was a King now, looking into the eyes of his most ruthless ally. Sitting on this throne just reminded him how small his companion was.

“So we’re going to war.” He smirks, and his General bores holes in his skull as he shifts his stance.

“They are demanding you’re presence at the gates, sir. I’m unsure if they mean to insinuate a war with us.” Ah, you’re trying to look out for them. For my benefit, or theirs, I wonder? I know there is no love to be lost between you, but still...

“They don’t actually expect me to go, do they? And which gates are we talking, the fortress gates, or the numerous village gates?” He stands, stretching, and his friend falls into step next to him as they walk.

Zenix rubs at the scars encasing his wrists with a grimace. “They’re outside the fortress. Apparently they stormed past the other guards and their legions, and basically ignored the other members of the Court.” 

Laurance hums, his sea green eyes rolling back in his head. 

The Shadow Nation and its corresponding legions was basically an idealized version of a kingdom. They made legions of people with corrupt Lord’s, Gene and Sasha going and inserting themselves into the people’s villages and gaining the public opinion. They used a mostly non-violent method to remove their Lord, and then added the village to the legion for a period of a year while they chose a new governing party. If they wanted, they could stay within the Nation, with Laurance and his Court as their leading body, and their original force of guards as their protectors. The Court was all the remaining Shadow Knights, Shad ( and Aaron) acting as their scribe and one of their main forms of advice for running a government, Zane as their messenger and relic informant (they were tracking where they were with the intentions of destroying them [nobody should hold that much power if they weren’t born with it], Sasha and Gene were their spies, Vylad traveled across regions telling them of the conditions in other areas between his visits to keep peace with the villages of Ru’uan, Laurance was their leader, and Zenix was quite literally their Knight. Vincent was used to his life in New Meteli and wasn’t really involved with the Rebellion that brought down Shad and Gene, and led to the creation of the Nation.

“Send Zane to have them set up a meeting.” Laurance grins, and Zenix shakes his head. “I have meetings today.”

Walking away was never so sweet. He knew what he was dooming them to.

[babymilkawa]

omg congrats on 1k!! thats amazing 💗 could i pls get an attack on titan matchup (with a girl🥺) if u dont mind? im an esfp and scorpio. ppl typically describe me as supportive, funny and kind, overall i think im pretty dorky. i have all A's in school but im kinda an air head if that makes sense:( i LOVE making friends oh my i could never have enough social interaction, i thrive off of it. i find a lot of purpose in helping and supporting others. but i do get jealous and insecure a lot so i need lots of reassurance (mainly thru words) but as a relationship continues i think i get more confident. im also 5'2 with green eyes and shortish hair if that helps

ayeee scorpi gang 🤟🏻🤟🏻

i match you up with:

sasha braus

ok IK YOULL hafta tutor her she’s a wee bit slow yk ik it

the two of you are literally comedic relievers like u can ease up the situation but Sasha...maybe read the room? Lol

ur bread can wait smh

u love making friends!!! Aww ok besties with Connie and Jean then

They’ll both be a bit overprotective at first cuz Sasha is literally their baby sis

but once they’re like aight y/n is super cool then it’s shenanigan time 🤪

y’all prolly have competitions on who can roast a Titan better

sry levi

and if you’re ever insecure abt ur relationship just TELL SASHA

She will give u the biggest hug and let u know that like u literally have nothing to be insecure abt

###

my 1k event

[vizhi0n]

Thoughts of SNK 139 -

Let me just preface this by saying that I’ve been a casual fan of SNK since 2011, and I’ve drifted in and out of the fandom over the course of a few years. A lot of the feelings I have are nostalgia based, as SNK was a huge inspiration for me to become a writer. I love these characters dearly, and it’s been a hell of a ride over the past almost decade. 

So, as for the actual contents of the ending, I’m probably 50/50 in terms of my overall enjoyment of how everything played out. I’m glad Levi and Reiner survived (as well as everyone else) I think, when it comes to manga ending and endings in general, people need to remember that we’re only seeing snapshots of the overall narrative. I don’t, for a second, believe that Mikasa will spend her entire life mourning Eren and not move on from him - it makes sense that she’d visit his grave on the anniversary of his death. I think the chapter just showed everyone moving on with their lives - still friends, close friends, of course - but friends aren’t always together all the time. For all of the remaining characters, the ending was fitting. I’m so happy Levi has a chance to rest - I was upset, at first, that we didn’t get to see him with the group, but I think its a fitting end that his final panel was with Falco and Gabi - a new trio. I only cried twice during the chapter - one when Levi was saying goodbye to the dead scouts, and at the very end with Mikasa. 

I’m torn over how I feel about Eren’s overall motive. I think whatever it was he was trying to do was overshadowed by the fact that 80% of humanity was killed in the Rumbling - that’s a fucking MASSIVE AMOUNT of people (our planets population is around 8 billion - if something like the Rumbling were to happen, we’re talking like only 2 billion people remaining alive) That’s like, incomprehensible. For it to just be states casually and then shaken off the next few panels was something - I almost wanna say that is Isyama had made the Rumbling only kill like...20% of humanity, it would have been believable and palaptable to me. (still genocide, still unnaceptable, but 80%...c’mon.) and for Armin to be like “yeah that’s cool.” smh. Wasn’t a fan of that at all.

Paradis’ fate was also upsetting to me, but believable. Eren’s goal, and the goal of other characters, was to defeat the Titans - they did, so in terms of goal-fulfilment, they won. It’s just upsetting, especially seeing the panels of Niccolo and Sasha’s family. Paradis Island, and the world inside the walls, was always just as important of a “character” as the actual characters themselves, I feel. But, as I said, it makes sense. I didn’t think of it until recently, but the 3DMG/Anti-Personnel gear will give Paradis a massive advantage over their “enemies,” and with 80% of the world fucking dead, I actually believe that if peace negotiations don’t go through, they’d have a pretty easy time conquering whatever terrority is left. 

Overall, the ending was far more open-ended than I expected. There’s a lot of wriggle room for assumptions - in my head, peace negotiations go through, Paradis and the rest of the world stops fighting. Levi opens a tea shop with Onyankapon (his boyfriend) and its frequented by Mikasa, Armin, and the others. 

[everchased]

the only person in the archives who had even an ounce of self preservation was Sasha, that's why she had to get got early on. The Stranger, as well as the rest of the fears, could just tell she was the only one with a working brain cell smh

....... puts my head in my hands. my god, you’re right. i went down the line of all the assistants and there’s literally no one else. and even sasha ran out into the worms to warn tim about prentiss. she was just the LEAST self-sacrificing. god. these characters age me physically.