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jadewritesficshere · 2 months

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Pretend

Robin Buckley x fem!reader

Contains: Angst to the max, growing up, menstruation (bleeding and all that entails) and puberty, homophobia (related to teasing and bullying), internalized homophobia, hurt no comfort

-This was a way to write my feelings regarding that girl from my life-

When you were young, you were on the playground swinging on a swing when the chains of the swing next to you rattled. Instead of sitting normally, a girl with lopsided pigtails laid on her stomach and kicked off with her legs. "What are you doing?" You quietly asked. "Flying." She held her arms out and giggled, "Like superman."

You watch for a moment as she continues to giggle. It looked fun. You stand abruptly and watch as her smile falls rapidly. She plants her feet, jolting herself to a stop so fast she almost knocks herself to the ground. You can see her face flush and her eyes look away, almost curling in on herself.

But her eyes went wide as she watched you walk around the swing and lay across it. You hesitantly kicked your feet off the ground, felt the swing push into your ribs and stomach. But she was right, you were flying. You could hear the chains rattle and her laughs begin again as she started back up.

Your parents found you both on the swings, laughing and pretending you were flying. You became inseparable, living two streets apart. Running throughout the neighborhood on adventures.

One summer day around ten years old, you convinced her to go rollerskating with you. Her brand new pink helmet and your purple one shone bright as her mother took a picture. Your faces were pressed together with wide grins as your arms were slung over the other's shoulder.

Robin had ended up crashing into you, knocking out your two front teeth as you landed in a jumble on the ground. Robin had apologized profusely, tears welling in her eyes. She grabbed your hand and raced you back home, apologizing profusely the whole way. Your face felt warm with embarrassment. You pretended it wasn't a big deal.

Her mother had jumped as Robin threw the door open so hard it shuddered on its frame. Her mother had held a frozen bag of peas to your face and her soothing tone calmed and comforted you both. It didn't take long for you both to get distracted by Popsicles. Her mother snapped another picture of the two of you then. You both had scraped knees and dirt covering you, but you both smiled (yours had two less teeth).

When you were a preteen, Robin went to a summer camp and you had been sick. She almost stayed, but you convinced her to go without you. Your stomach hurt so bad, you thought you were dying. You were convinced you were when you awoke in your own blood. Your parents had ran into your room when you screamed. Your father had taken one look and turned on his heel and immediately walked out, stammering awkwardly.

You had the talk then. You already knew about it but it wasn't something you thought about happening to you. You noticed the difference at the end of the summer. You were taller and had started wearing a training bra. But if you thought you had grown, it was nothing compared to Robin. Your mouth had dropped when you saw her again and had to look up at her. You pretended you were mad she had grown taller then you before hugging her tightly.

When you were a freshman, you and Robin went to a sleepover. Normally, you two would share the same bed. Awaking in the morning with Robin half sprawled on top of you. But that was when it was just two of you not a room full of girls. Everyone was giggling and talking about their crushes. "Who do you like?" One of the girls asked.

You hummed, pretending to think. "Well, i do like my lab partner, Josh," you finally declared. The girls chorused a round of Oohs. "What about you, Robs?" You locked eyes with your friend. "Oh uh..." Robin's eyes darted to the ground. "Oh come on, we all know who Robin likes!" Mary, or was it Marcy, declared. Robin's face paled and she stammered," What? No uh, it- it's not-" "Steve Harrington! You're always staring at him!"

The girls were giggling and laughing, going on about Steve and how cute he was. You watched as Robin relaxed, smiling. You pretended you weren't upset that she hadn't told you, her best friend.

When you were a sophomore, Robin was in band while you weren't. You were seeing her less and less. You threw your books in your locker as Tommy made excuses as to why he wouldn't be able to do his part of the project you were assigned. You barely paid attention until his arm darted out in front of you, peeling the picture of you and Robin off the inside. "Buckley? The band geek?" Tommy snorted. "Hey!" You tried snatching it out of his hand but he held it above his head.

"Why do you have a picture of Buckley in your locker?" Tommy asked, peering into the photo. "We're friends, do you not have any?" You asked snatching it out of his hand as he showed it to Carol. "I don't have pictures of Steve in my locker," Tommy defended. "Well maybe you aren't friends," you shrug.

"Or maybe you like Buckley?" Tommy declared, loudly. You could feel others eyes on you," What? No." Carol grimaced and looked at you," Ew, you like girls? We have the same gym class. Oh my god, are you like perving on us?" You could feel the stares growing. "Fuck no!" You threw the picture in your locker and slammed," That's weird! She's weird! I would never like her! As if!"

You turned your head and saw Robin staring at you. Her eyes with tears. Your mouth dropped open to say something but you hesitated. Robin turned and walked away. You pretended you didn't feel sick as you watched your friend walk away.

You were a junior when Starcourt Mall opened. You went to get ice cream when you saw Robin. She was rolling her eyes at her crush, Steve Harrington, but smiling. She locked eyes with you and her grin fell. You waved tentatively, but she turned and went back to talking to Steve. He kissed her forehead. You pretended that you didn't care, hurt and guilt blooming in you.

You left that summer. You thought Hawkins, Indiana was far behind you. You heard about Starcourt burning down, but you went through your senior year and college pretending like Hawkins never existed.

You had just got your degree when you ran into Steve Harrington at a bar in Indy. His swooped hair and hazel eyes looked you up and down, not an ounce of recollection in his eyes. "Sorry about that," he grinned at you," Can I buy you a drink?" Before you could respond, a person barreled into him. Robin.

She clung to him as she rambled about something, trailing off as she realized you were standing there. "Robin..." you blinked. She seemed settled. More sure of herself. It had been only a handful of years, but felt like a lifetime. "Y/N." Her tone betrayed nothing. Steve's eyes darted back to you, widening with realization. "Hey," You hesitant smiled," You look great Robs." "Thanks." You pretended not to notice the glance they shared. Steve invited you to sit with them.

You were glad he did because you got your friend back that night. You had drunkenly sobbed in her arms, apologizing. She had bawled holding you to her, forgiving you. Steve corralled you both into his car. You pretended like the alcohol was barely making you nauseous, getting warned by Steve not to barf in his car.

You wish you could say you could remember every time you hung out after that. Every moment. But there were far too many. Your wall was filled with pictures of you and Robin. Your hand shook as you looked back down at the pale purple invitation in your hand. Cordially invited to the marriage of Robin Buckley and-

You looked back at the wall. Pretending not to be effected. A tear slipped down your cheek.

That's what you did best. Pretended. From the very start.

You had pretended you were flying as a child as if your entire worldview didn't shift and fall out from you as you met the prettiest girl you ever saw. As you felt drawn to her in a way you hadn't felt before, even if you didn't understand it then.

You had pretended it wasn't a big deal when your teeth got knocked out, because you wanted to seem cool to Robin. Your palm sweaty in hers as she led you home. Your heart was beating fast for some reason you hadn't quite realized yet, but you liked holding her hand.

You had pretended you were mad she grew taller because you couldn't believe how good she looked. How you felt awkward and were growing pimples but she looked so good. You hugged her tight, liking how she felt wrapped in your arms.

You pretended you weren't upset she hadn't told you about her crush when you truly were. You had thought you didn't like anyone and just said Josh, because you only thought about Robin. You thought she felt the same. Hearing Steve's name was a shock to your system. And that was when you realized you liked her.

Your stomach had fallen, all the ideas of the future you created came tumbling down. Because of course two women living together and growing old together wasn't normal... of course people got married and did other things. Because of course Robin liked Steve Harrington, you had seen her staring.

You had pretended you didn't care about the picture, about her. You wanted to crawl out of your skin, feeling the stares and whispers. You weren't ready to face it. A part of you hated yourself, for hurting her and for liking her. You pretended you didn't feel sick and like you wanted to bawl watching her walk away. You wanted to scream at yourself because this never would have happened if you were "normal" like your parents wanted.

You pretended you didn't care about Steve kissing Robin's forehead, when you wanted nothing more to rip his perfect hair out. You wanted to kick him in the balls and be the one to kiss Robin's stupid perfect face. You wanted to throw yourself at her feet, begging her to forgive you. You wanted to kiss her senseless, which you quickly tucked back away in it's neat little box. Because women shouldn't kiss other women.

You pretended like your heart hadn't stopped when you heard about Starcourt, when you thought she may have been a casualty. You stole your parents' car and drove back to Hawkins to make sure she was okay. As soon as you saw her with Steve on her front porch, you drove straight back. You cursed him but was also thanking him, because you knew he had helped save her given the state of the two of them.

One day in college when you finally stumbled into a gay bar and cried, you pretended you weren't thinking about what could have been. About how it was okay and that you weren't odd or weird. That there were others just like you. You pretended like you didn't think of her all the time. That every time you kissed someone you compared it to her. That you wished when you opened your eyes you would be staring into hers.

It was fate running into them at that random bar. You had decided to go hear some band play. It was chance but you thought it was fate. You pretended you didn't feel the years of guilt at hurting Robin roll off as she said she forgave you and misses you. You pretended like you didn't imagine a future with her again, as if Steve wasn't there.

You had pretended the alcohol had made you nauseous, but really it was Steve Fucking Harrington having everything you wanted. It was seeing Robin giggle and him helping her into the car, when it should have been you.

You didn't want to not have her in your life. You were glad at any piece she was willing to give you. You wanted to get on your hands and knees begging like a dog for even a scrap of her.

Taking pictures and hanging them up so at least a piece of her lived with you. The time she ran a marathon with Steve and had collapsed into you fake dying. The time you snapped a picture where she had passed out on your couch under your blanket.

She never knew that you had gotten the date you met tattooed on your rib, the same spot the swing had dug into you. So at least a part of her was always with you. That you had always kept that picture her mom took of the two of you after roller skating as kids, because you could see even then your eyes alight with love for her.

It wasn't fair. You were gone for her the day you met, even the years you couldn't admit it out loud. She had stolen your heart from you, something you would have willingly given if she asked. But now her heart was given to someone else. Getting married.

You were too late. Because you never told her the truth. Because you never told her you loved her. You never were honest with her about liking women.

But you would smile and pretend it was all okay. Even as you crinkled the lavender invitation, even as tears rolled down your face, you smiled. Pretending like nothing was wrong. Because that's what you do best, pretending.

#The school stuff happened to me and I was like aha as if and I saw her face and was like wait #And I just knew it was over and I had no clue what that feeling even was at the time #And when I finally realized we already had went our separate ways...no reunion..#There will eventually be a part two that turns this hurt into comfort but im in a mood tonight #Maybe this will resonate with someone else and if so I just want you to know I understand and I am sorry #But love is amazing and it is worth it and you do deserve it #I'm just in a mood tonight....also there is no such thing as normal just the societal norm and construct #Jade is Talking #robin buckley/reader #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley x you #Robin Buckley/you #Angst

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brittlebutch · 1 year

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bill and ted and their efforts in education is something thats So Important to me - they really do want to learn and find new things soo interesting, its just that traditional teaching methods fail them. even stuff they love (music) took them so long to learn !!!! which is something i feel like ppl miss a lot. choosing to learn smthn that is difficult and has a steep learning curve is actually So Hard and frustrating and bill and ted actually put in so much effort to learn!! and ofc it works out (they win battle of the bands, become famous, save the world etc) but i feel like they wouldve worked at it even if they never met rufus and all that bc they approach life with such genuine earnestness. which is a trait i admire so much and they make me so happy :)

yes dude you absolutely hit the nail on the head!!! i love love love that Bill and Ted don't make it through any of the movies thanks to any kind of special skill or innate talent, they manage to make it through just because they're so affable and enthusiastic that people around them (even some who would have reason to actually dislike them) just can't seem to help but be taken with them and decide to help them out - no perpetuating the myth of independence anywhere!!

and you're so right about the time travel probably not being strictly Necessary in their development like, their audition at the beginning of Bogus Journey isn't very good but it's still technically way more musical than their garage jam sessions were in Excellent Adventure! (You could argue that's just the Princesses carrying the sound, which is probably true to an extent, BUT I don't think that's it entirely bc there's not any discordant distortion-noise like there was in EA and parts of the melody do seem to cut out when Bill and Ted pause playing to speak) So they were learning and improving between movies, it's just that they're naturally kind of slow at it AND they've also probably not been able to focus on learning all that well bc they're working full time and struggling financially - once they take like a year and a half outside of time to practice nothing but guitar they're able to show off some serious musical acumen, and THEN i love how Face the Music shows how even though they've both gotten pretty Technically skilled at a huge variety of instruments, they're still 'bad at it' bc they struggle to write music that other people enjoy/understand and they still aren't overly bothered by that at all!

Also love that the same applies to Billie and Thea - they seem to have a much easier time of things than their dads do wrt learning/innate skills BUT they're still 24 and haven't moved out or gone to college or gotten jobs or anything and no one (other than Chief Logan ofc) puts them down or admonishes them for this! They're both loved and supported wholeheartedly by their parents (who OFC understand it all completely) and they make it through the movie the same exact way Bill and Ted did! Even though Billie and Thea do rely on a more-than-solid grasp of musical history to navigate the circuits of time, their ability to sway the historical figures to their cause largely thanks to their enthusiasm for the topic and general affability and i love how that's always upheld by the movies as a Valued Trait i love it SO much

#i also lovve how bill and ted were originally thought of as like Complete outcasts in high school who were like Actively disliked #by more popular kids and the writers and director saw the energy that the actors brought to the characters and were like 'oh no way'#and cut the notion entirely bc they're just SO affable that they were like 'well maybe no one especially Likes them but no one probably #Dislikes them that much' and so it was scrapped; but i love them so much like you even get the sense that Mr. Ryan is Aware that #bill and ted are Trying to put genuine effort into school bc he doesn't talk at them like 'if you just applied yourselves' or like they're #fucking around in class on purpose he just tries to level with them and seems at least a Little upset that he'd have to flunk them #bc he just doesn't have the time/resources as a teacher to help them out like they'd need ; and like it's not even like in EA #they're ONLY piggybacking off the historical figures to carry the report - their voice over throughout the montage is proof that they were #actively paying attention and learning stuff about the dudes as they were hanging around throughout the movie - like finally learning #how to pronounce 'socrates' and identifying joan of arc as a military leader and stuff - it's just that they have like #learning/intellectual disabilities and struggle like hell in traditional learning environments; i love them SO much they're SO important 2m #bnt

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