#school over I can finally go back to my passion which is drawing mid art of weird gay people

[paging-possum]

Evil is sweet in his mouth and he hides it under his tongue

[justcourttee]

And They Were Roommates-Pt 8

Marinette didn’t know what to think. The Damian she met two weeks ago had disappeared, and in his place was the charming man she had grown to love over the past three years. It made her doubt everything she thought she knew about their relationship.

The first night had been hard. She woke several times in tears to the point that her pillowcase was soaked through. She could hear his level breathing from outside her door, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to face him.

The second night was worse. Night terrors began to set in and she found herself reaching out for company, even if it was his. She met him on the couch and curled into his side like she did a hundred times before with Chloe and Adrien. He seemed to understand as he didn’t push her to talk, only let her use him for comfort.

By the third night, she was able to have a conversation with him, longer than the awkward five minutes they had managed the other day. He finally opened up about his family, even telling her his real last name, Wayne.

“Why go by Al Ghul then?”

“Most people here Wayne and think money and favors, it’s unpleasant and draining. If I want a fresh start, I use my mother’s name, but it eventually falls through and I have to move all over again.”

“But why run from your family so often? I’d do anything to see mine one more time.”

Her eyes teared up, but she shook her head quickly, trying to stop before they really started. Damian studied her for a moment before offering her a small smile.

“They’ve always been very overwhelming. I went from high expectations with my mother to even higher expectations from my father. He wanted me to unlearn everything she had taught me and became angry and disappointed when I didn’t head in his every direction.”

He paused, noticing the tears still lingering on her eyelashes. Gently, he reached forward, brushing them away.

“Mother was to obey or be killed, which sounds terrible, but someone I liked better in a sense. At least I knew that any disappointment would be dealt with directly, nothing less. Father was angry, taking his anger out indirectly through comments and tough training, but the disappointment was worse. He’d compare me to his other kids, all adopted nonetheless, but it didn’t matter. He held them with high respect and praised them often.”

“That-” Marinette paused, unsure if she wanted to continue, but his smile was inviting her to speak her mind. “That sounds awful. Expectations are supposed to be set by yourself, not your parents. They’re just supposed to be there for support and the occasional guidance.”

“Is that how your parents were?”

Marinette bit her lip, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

“I’m sorry Angel, I wasn’t sure if you were ready to talk yet. I won’t bring it up again until you say you’re ready.”

“No,”she shook her head, much to his surprise. “I need this.”

Taking a deep breath, Marinette dove in, taking several small pauses to wipe away her tears.

“My parents were so supportive of everything I ever did. I tried sports when I was younger and while I wasn’t bad, it wasn’t my passion. My mother bought me an art set when I turned nine and it was like magic. All of a sudden, the world was whatever I wanted it to be. When I turned eleven, I discovered designing. I mentioned it once to them and when I came home from school, there was a dressing mannequin and a sewing machine sitting in my room.”

Her eyes glazed over as she stared at her hands in her lap. It seemed like such a distant memory at this point. His hand reached into her sight, moving toward her’s.

“May I?”

She nodded as she watched him intertwine their fingers. He waited patiently for her to continue, rubbing small circles into the back of her hand using his thumb.

“I was so happy with them. When I first was given the scholarship offer for Metropolis University, I didn’t know what to think. Chloe’s mother offered me a mentee spot if I traveled overseas, seeing as the flight to New York was only an hour from here. My parents knew what it meant for my possible future in the fashion industry, and to them, it was a no brainer. It was hard seeing them only for the breaks and then even harder when Professor Brookes offered me a spot in her workfield.”

“Your parents sound amazing. The way I grew up was- unconventional to say the least. I can’t even imagine where I would be today if I had that kind of support.”

A small smile stretched across Marinette’s face as her eyes rose to meet his.

“You sound like Chloe and Adrien.”

“They were close to your parents as well?”

“Adrien grew up in a very unconventional lifestyle as well. His mother disappeared when he was 12, leaving his father a broken man. He distanced himself from Adrien, only communicating with him when business was involved. Adrien tried to come out to him when we turned 16, but he scorned him, telling him he was confused and that he either dropped the subject or Gabriel would deal with it himself.”

Damian frowned, his eyebrow furrowing at her words.

“That’s ridiculous, his father could be runner up to my mother for worst parent of the year.”

“Yeah, Gabriel sucks. He still does. My parents allowed him to crash at my house that night, and every night after that they insisted he came over for dinner. They talked him through his teenage years, offering him advice and unconditional love. It was exactly what he needed to go public about his sexuality, my parents on either side of him at the press conference, offering support where they could. There was nothing his father could do at the point; if he spoke out, he would be seen as homophobic. Adrien held my parents on such a high pedestal after that.”

“And what about Chloe?”

Marinette shook her head, a small laugh escaping, shocking the two of them.

“Chloe used to be a terror when we were younger, but to be fair, she was being enabled at every turn. Her mother was a workaholic, never around and her father was a corrupt politician. She bullied me alot.”

Damina raised his eyebrow, but Marinette simply waved him off.

“I know what you’re thinking. It’s what everyone said when I offered to be her roommate in college. ‘How can I be her friend after that?’ It’s simple. When we were 14, she really fell off the deep end. She helped Gabriel do some very terrible things out of her feelings of anger and loneliness. Everyone resented her for it, and even her own parents turned their backs on her. Instead of offering her help, they left her even lonelier than before.”

Marinette leaned forward, picking up a picture frame from the table. Leaning over, she allowed Damian to take a closer look. The picture depicted a happy family. Marinette’s parents in the back with Marinette and the two blondes in front of them. The moment frozen as everyone was caught mid laugh at some unseen humor.

“Chloe fell into a depressive state and one night, my mother found her on our doorstep, tears pouring down her eyes. My parents brought her inside, wrapped her in a large blanket and offered her a mug of hot cocoa. They knew who she was, they knew what she had done, but they could never leave her outside, they could never leave a child alone. She apologized for everything, telling me how her therapy helped her realize how terrible she was when we were younger. She was genuine.”

“How could you tell?”

Marinette pulled the picture close to her chest, a tear slipping from her eye.

“Chloe was a lot of things, but she never lied to me. She always believed in what she was saying, no matter how crazy it was. That night was a new beginning. It was rocky at first, but between myself and Adrien, we helped her back onto her feet. Pretty soon, she joined family dinners too. We did it every night for two years and I can’t tell you how much joy it brought to everyone, especially my parents. The one thing they loved more than each other, was loving others.”

A few more tears slipped out before she could stop them. It felt like she ripped off a bandaid she forgot was there. She knew her friends needed to know, Damian’s grim stare confirmed he was thinking the same thing. But it was too much. It was still too raw and the emotions swimming in her head from their deaths and from Damian’s confession. She couldn’t help them through their grief. Not yet.

“Marinette, I could tell them if you would like.”

She shook her head as she closed her eyes, trying to steady her breathing again.

“It’s something I should do. I just need one more night.”

He nodded in understanding, not pushing the matter anymore, something she was grateful for. Marinette sat down the picture and picked up the pen beside it. She handed it to Damian before settling back into the couch.

“Could you draw me something?”

“What would you like me to draw?”

Marinette shook her head, leaning in his direction.

“Anything.”

And so he began, sketching on his wrist, his eyes occasionally glancing over at hers as she watched her own wrist intently. He watched her eyes start to flutter shut only to fly open as she fought the exhaustion. But it was a losing battle as she finally fell into his side, soft breaths escaping her parted lips. He placed the finishing touches before capping the pen, tossing it gently to the coffee table.

“Goodnight Angel.”

He reached over to the lamp, pulling the string hard, plunging them into darkness. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   Marinette sat up abruptly to the sound of the banging on her door. Her first instinct was to reach into the drawer under the coffee table, pulling out a small pink container. She stood to move closer as a second round of banging commenced. Her eyes darted back to the couch where Damian had sat last night.  

It was empty, a small piece of paper on the coffee table promised her that he would return soon. Creeping towards the peephole, Marinette took a cautious look, only to find it covered by whoever was outside. With a deep breath, Marinette flung open the door, raising the pink container to her defense.

Her would be assailant fell to the ground, grabbing his eyes as he let out a string of curses that would’ve expelled him from any school he could’ve ever attended. She looked up to find two more startled figures, both had their hands held in a surrender position. Marinette lowered her defense, her eyes narrowing at the two men.

“Who are you?”

“She really pepper sprayed me! You guys promised it would just aggravate Demon Spawn, you didn’t tell me I would be assaulted!”

The man on the ground sat up, still rubbing his bloodshot eyes, tears pouring down his face.

“I’ll ask you one more time, and just to be clear, you give me anything other than an answer to my question and I don’t need the pepper spray to kick your sorry asses. Who. Are. You?”

Two of them shared a panicked look, neither daring to move to help the third man up.

“Well you see sunshine, you are not who we were expecting either, in fact-”

The man with the bloodshot eyes rose only to be slammed into the wall by the girl. Marinette gripped his arm tightly behind his back, pushing his front side further into the concrete wall. Leaning all of her weight into him, she ignored his cries to ‘tap out’, her glare demanding a better answer from the remaining two.

The smaller one nudged the taller guy forward, neither looking eager to talk.

“Well you see, it’s a funny story really-”

“I’m losing my patience.” Marinette pulled her hostage’s arm further back, causing another string of curses.

“It’s just that-”

“They’re my idiot brothers.”

Marinette turned her head to see Damian standing behind them, an amused expression evident on his face. He was holding a tray with two coffees in them, a bag from Marinette’s favorite bakery in his other hand.

Horrified, Marinette let go of the man, allowing him to drop to the ground, rubbing his shoulder as he scooted away from her.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. It’s just between the banging on the door and then covering the peephole, I just assumed the worst. Please, come in, I’m so sorry.”

Marinette repeatedly apologized as she moved to help her poor victim up off the ground. 

“Don’t offer him help habibti, you’re too generous. Leave him on the ground.”

She shook her head, gently gripping the man’s good arm as she helped him to his feet. He moved quickly out of her grasp, his expression a mixture between weary and respect.

Damian stepped in front of her, his glare causing each man to fold in on themselves, none expect the man from the ground even dared to meet his eyes.

“Besides, you were asking the wrong question. It doesn’t matter who they are, it only matters what they’re doing here and how soon can they leave?”

Tag List:

@damianette-is-life @ladybug-182 @fusser90 @thestressmademedoit @dast218 @thezestywalru @jardimazul @olynix @dorkus-minimus @xahriia @kris-pines04 @urbanpineapplefarmer @moonlightstar64 @itsmeevie01 @little-lady-bird @alexandriamw @lozzybowe @emmdaenovice @loysydark @toodaloo-kangaroo @jessigurl-design @aegyobutpsycho2 @stark-morgoona @tis-i-beanbandit @rebecarojas07 @abrx2002 @ash-amg @loveswifi @heaven428 @dreamykitty25 @marinettepotterandplagg @smolplantmum @clumsy-owl-4178 @books-and-left-behind-journals @joejoejodee @iloontjeboontje @maybemanymuffins @zalladane @mysupporthyperfixations 

[fillingthescrapbook]

Rewriting The CW's Kung Fu, Part 1: The Characters

Hello. I've written a few posts complaining about how The CW's Kung Fu was written and plotted. So instead of just complaining, I decided to do something productive: I'm going to rewrite the show.

This will be the first part in an eight-part series that would detail the things, I think, could've made the first season much stronger in terms of story-telling and character-building. Do take note that I will be writing this for The CW's target market: teens to young adults who are looking for both entertainment and representation.

Before we start with the story, let us first start with re-configuring the characters.

NICKY SHEN, mid to late 20s. The eldest daughter of first-generation immigrants, she feels pressured into following the path made for her by her parents. She carries a lot of guilt, having seen her parents struggle to raise her and her siblings in a land that's not always welcoming to foreigners--and then running away when she felt like she no longer had control over her life. She has spent the last three years in a monastery where her days are spent training in the martial arts, meditating, and farming. Upon her return home, she doesn't know what her place is in the world--and in her family--anymore.

HENRY YAN, mid to late 20s. A martial arts instructor at the Chinese community center, he becomes intrigued by Nicky's unique background and insight into their community. A working student, he has only recently continued his collegiate studies because of a checkered past he needed to deal with, as well as his family's financial struggles. He feels like he has a lot to prove because of people's preconceptions of who he is, based on what he had to do to survive.

EVAN HARTLEY, mid to late 20s. A San Francisco Assistant District Attorney, he is Nicky's best friend from childhood to law school. He is part of a hiring initiative that prioritizes people who can speak in multiple languages, and gets assigned many cases that come from Chinatown. He has recently proposed to his girlfriend, a fellow classmate of his and Nicky's from law school, thinking he has finally moved on from being left behind by the woman he loved three years ago...and then she, Nicky, comes back into his life.

RYAN SHEN, mid-20s. Nicky's younger brother who has just recently finished his internship at a local hospital; he is currently working as a resident physician at the same hospital he interned for--while volunteering his free time at the Chinese community center's free clinic. He is gay but has yet to tell his parents the truth, blaming Nicky for abandoning him when he was just about to confess. (Yes, I put him back in the closet for storytelling purposes.)

ALTHEA SHEN, mid-20s. Nicky's younger sister has put her career on hold to get married to her high school sweetheart. A sought-after computer engineer, Althea has surprised everyone--her parents included--when she suddenly gave up her high-ranking position at Cloudrush Capital to focus on her wedding. She is the most adjusted and mature out of the Shen siblings, seeing as her parents didn't have as much expectations from her as they did Nicky and Ryan.

SHEN MEI-LI, late 40s to early 50s. Nicky's mother comes from a very strict family and this has made her guarded with her emotions. She is very protective of her children and will do anything to keep them safe--including hide parts of her history she thinks will lead them astray. She works as the manager of Happy Dumplings, the restaurant she built with her husband Jin.

SHEN JIN, early to mid 50s. Nicky's father immigrated to San Francisco when he was a young man, inspired by the American Dream. He has a go-getter attitude which was further bolstered when he married Mei-Li, pushing him to move on from being a line cook at a faux-Chinese fast food chain to opening his own restaurant. Having been denied of better opportunities, he works hard to make sure that his children never has to face the same challenges he had in the past.

Okay, those are just broad strokes of who the characters are when the story begins. I've upgraded Evan to becoming an actual main character with a romantic subplot with Nicky since, if I'm not mistaken, that was the intention when they introduced him in the pilot. I've also downgraded Pei-Ling Zhang, Nicky's mentor to a recurring character--who we will get to now:

ZHANG PEI-LING, early 40s. A female monk at a Shaolin monastery, Pei-Ling helps Nicky escape from an arranged-marriage "love" tour by allowing her to hide in her truck. Pei-Ling is in charge of the martial arts training at the monastery, teaching her students that to keep a strong hand steady, one must also have a strong heart.

ZHANG ZHI-LAN, mid to late 30s. A businesswoman whose worldwide travels hide an international hunt for eight mystical weapons that would give the collector untold powers. She is Pei-Ling's sister who holds a lot of resentment because of the way their family broke apart. She keeps a cold and calculating facade to keep people away from her, afraid of being vulnerable enough to get emotionally hurt again.

DENNIS SOONG, mid 20s. Althea's fiancée who is the heir apparent of the Soong business empire. He has the practiced charm of a high school outcast who was slow to grow into his looks; although he became part of the popular crowd by the time he graduated, he never forgot the people who treated him as an equal back when he was a societal pariah. He is also a loving son, brother, and husband-to-be.

JOE HARPER, mid to late 20s. A freelance graphic artist who uses his talents, and his gift of gab, to fight for human rights. He is passionate, headstrong, and he never backs down from a challenge.

CHLOE SOONG, late teen. Dennis's younger sister who has fallen in with a bad crowd of bored rich teens. She feels out-of-place in her parents' perfect world, which draws her towards Nicky--who identifies with her plight to break out of the mold assigned to her.

SABINE SMITH, mid to late 20s. A classmate of Nicky's and Evan's from law school, Sabine is Evan's fiancée. She is nurturing and helpful, she is the one who pushes Evan to help Nicky settle back into her San Francisco life--not realizing she is also pushing Evan's feelings for Nicky back into the picture.

KERWIN TAN, late 20s to early 30s. A young socialite who becomes part of Nicky and Zhilan's race to find the eight mythical weapons of power. He is the youngest son of a business tycoon, Raymond Tan, who is also interested in collecting the weapons. He resents the competitive upbringing his father has given him and his siblings, which makes him decide to also join the hunt for the weapons.

MEI-XUE, late 40s. Mei-Li's younger sister, she ran away from home after discovering their family's warrior lineage--wanting to be the one to find the mythical weapons so she could keep them from falling into the wrong hands. In her journey to find the weapons, she discovers more about the power they can wield--which scares her into hiding in the mountains of Canada, with the help of a rich friend she made in her journeys.

STANLEY ANG, early 30s. He is an original character that I wanted to include for additional Chinese diversity. The only son of an old couple who were Mei-Li's friends before she migrated. He is intelligent, very savvy, but isn't very fluent in English. He works as a software developer for a programming company who had him (and his parents) move to their US office so he could oversee the projects he manages better.

Kung Fu has a few more important characters they introduce, but I'm staying with the ones who will make an impact to the story I'm rewriting.

If you've read my past gripes about the show, you would know that I don't like the fact that Zhi-lan (and Kerwin, later on) was shoved into our throats even when their storylines didn't need to be told. That opinion remains. But it doesn't change the fact that they do make an impact to the story--especially with the finale the show left us with. So they're retaining their recurring status in my rewrite.

And this is where we end for now. In the next post, I will be rejigging the pilot to better set-up who Nicky is and what her relationships are at the start of the series.

[dstudiouk]

Weekly Studio Spotlight - Sophie Green

This week, we had the pleasure of speaking to Sophie Green. Sophie is an award winning and incredibly passionate wildlife artist & conservationist. Using her talent and platforms to raise awareness for wild animals, animal welfare and their habitats along with donating 10% of all profits towards conservation charities. Our Q&A this week was a good one... have a read below! 

Where do you draw your inspiration from?

As a wildlife artist, I mainly draw inspiration from the natural world and the wildlife that needs protecting. 10% of my profits have always gone to conservation charities, so often a piece will be aimed at drawing attention to a specific species or subspecies.

How did you start your art career? 

I have painted since I was a child, but it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I decided to finally try and become a professional artist. I was working as a primary school teacher at the time, so I gradually reduced my hours at work and set up social media pages, painted commissions and sold my work at art fairs. Eventually, I was able to quit my job and embark on a full-time career and I haven’t looked back since! 

What’s your favourite piece you have created so far? 

I think that ‘The March’ has been my most successful piece so far. It was a finalist in the David Shepherd Wildlife Artist of the Year award, where it got ‘highly commended’ and has also been selected for several other awards. In terms of artistic style and technique though, I think my favourites are still ‘Rohan’ (the tiger profile) and ‘Revival’ (the bison), as they were the most challenging. 

Credit: Sophie Green

What art tools could you not live without? 

My Masterson ‘Sta-Wet’ palette was a game changer for me, because I work in acrylics (which dry within minutes). The palette keeps the paint wet for weeks (much like oil paints), without compromising their quality. I also couldn’t get as much detail in my work without the use of good size 0-1, round synthetic brushes. 

What is your biggest challenge with your work? 

I love what I do and I am always coming up with big and exciting ideas for projects, charity collaborations etc., but there are only so many hours in the day and it can be overwhelming. I work 7 days a week and also paint tiny details for hours on end, so have developed ongoing issues with the tendons in my wrist. I think one of the biggest challenges for me is avoiding burnout!

Credit: Sophie Green

Have you always had an interest in wild animals?

I’ve always been interested in animals and wildlife, but when I first started painting, I focused more on domestic pets; perhaps because a lot of my pieces were commissions. It didn’t take long for me to realise that I wasn’t as passionate about painting other people’s pets and move over to wild animals. We have so much love and compassion for our pets, yet wild animals are hunted/poached and tortured. They need our protection.

Have you ever done or would you like to do a safari? 

Going on a safari currently sits at the top of my list of things I want to do. I had plans to go on a safari before the pandemic hit and put everybody’s travel plans on hold. It would be amazing to take the reference photos of the animals myself. Although I have no problem paying other photographers to use their amazing work as a reference, there’s something special about visiting a place and using the money raised from the trip to give back to the country’s wildlife.

Would you rather live in a forest or by the sea?

Funnily enough, I currently live in a forest by the sea, so I’ve got the best of both! 

Credit: Sophie Green

Where’s the most amazing place you’ve ever been to before?

There are so many! I absolutely loved the Bahamas. It was one of the most beautiful, laid back places. I was also lucky enough to visit the bioluminescent bay in Puerto Rico last year, which was a once in a lifetime experience. Oh, and seeing the Northern Lights in Iceland!  

Other than creating art, how else do you like to spend your time?

Over the past year, I’ve learnt to be more content with a quieter lifestyle. I live in quite a remote part of the country and work from home, so during lockdown, I went on walks every day, read lots of books, did yoga and played tennis. One of my biggest passions is travelling and lockdown definitely made me appreciate that even more! 

What do you listen to / watch when you are working?

I usually either listen to a podcast (either true crime or my friend’s podcast, ‘Blank’), or I’ll split the screen on my laptop (I don’t have a TV) and put on something that I’ve watched a million times already, so I don’t need to watch it to know what’s happening. To be honest, it’s usually something really corny like Pride and Prejudice! 

Credit: Sophie Green

Huge thanks to Sophie for taking part in this week’s feature! Hopefully you enjoyed it as much as we did! Make sure you go and check Sophie’s work out on her website and her socials! 

Sophie Green Art Basket

Sophie Green Website

Sophie Green Instagram

Sophie Green Twitter

Sophie Green Facebook

[ask-the-guiding-light-cast]

Guiding Light turns two years old today!

It’s crazy to think this all began only a couple of years back... and also hilarious it falls on the same day as “International Mystery Dungeon Day” over on Twitter. More after the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so I appreciate anyone willing to read this. ^^

For a long time, I had been a casual consumer of fan fics. It started in the late 2000s when I was in a Spyro craze thanks to the more story-driven Legend of Spyro trilogy. I had an itch that I needed scratched and FFN fulfilled that to some extent. I also looked at some Mario fics, including Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun, which I greatly enjoyed and thought did a good job adapting the formula that made Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door so beloved and putting a unique spin on things.

But it was until the early 2010s that I actually started getting back into Pokémon games with Gen V. After Emerald, I fell out of touch with Pokémon for a time. When Gen VI came around, I dipped my toe into the fandom through Twitch livestreams, but also through reading a few anime-based fics that are very long and still going, even now. 

At the same time, I ended up buying PMD: Explorers of Sky... and damaged my cartridge before I could properly finish the game with my Vulpix/Riolu team. So, I watched cutscenes for what I missed on YouTube, then got Gates to Infinity and, later, Super Mystery Dungeon and had fun with both of them... though more for the stories and characters than the actual gameplay. Truth be told, I don’t care much for roguelikes at all.

It was during the gap in time between Super’s release and the first official footage of Sun & Moon in mid-2016 that I found myself hit with a recurring thought: “What if someone made a PMD story where the hero and the partner are forced to fight one another with the fate of the world at stake?” I wound up (loosely) brainstorming an idea for a PMD story revolving around an antagonistic Hoopa character who would use its ring portals to collect entire communities, including the Pokémon living in them... all so that he would never be bored. This would lead him to “collect” the partner to add to his “toys,” so when the hero shows up, he’d sic the partner on them.

But that was as far as I got with the idea. I ended up graduating college and took a job with late evening hours. It left me pretty tired and exhausted and unmotivated to do much of anything. I withdrew from the parts of the Pokémon community I was involved in.

Then the Generation VII games came out and, while divisive in the fandom, I found myself really liking some of the concepts. There were so many times when I thought, “Gee, I wonder what this would be like if it were in a PMD game?” For example, one of the ideas I had was a sort of edgy rival rescue team akin to Gladion, which would have a Midnight Lycanroc, a Zoroark, and a Type: Null character in it.

So, toward the end of 2016 and early 2017, I started creating an idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure story with the intent of putting it on this really small forum I was a part of. It would be a Gen VII-themed PMD story, but because I didn’t think that sounded interesting enough, I decided that, not only would the human keep their memories, but they would be from the real world and be a major Pokémon nerd. The idea was that the choices the readers made would affect the relationship between the human and partner. I even came up with a point system. The more points the readers earned for their choices, the “closer” the relationship the hero and partner would have and the happier an ending the story would get. If the hero and partner couldn’t stand each other, one of them would likely end up working with the bad guy and winning. If they became steadfast friends, they’d work together to save the world.

Unfortunately, the forum shut down before I got too far into planning it, so I shelved the idea and continued focusing on my job. And things stayed that way for several months, until I ended up getting into med school and scrambling to move.

During the downtime I had when I wasn’t doing moving related stuff, I decided to look at FFN again and found Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Defenders of Warmth. I wound up reading through the entirety of the story quite quickly. I guess you could say it sparked something in my head. The fic itself focuses on what, at the time, was the newest Gen (Gen V). It also has multiple humans and is set on a continent separate from the canon locations (which were just the Air and Grass Continents, since Gates and Super didn’t exist when the fic was written). In short, it renewed my desire to pursue my idea of a Gen VII-flavored PMD story.

So, I set about creating my story outline. It is so... so much different from the actual story, though I’ve gone into that in previous posts (search for #amby answers). Originally, I used Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time as the framework for the fic: an alien invasion in a colorful, comedic world. I took more specific cues, too. Zero was meant to be a (mostly) silent antagonist a la Princess Shroob, for example.

The problem was, I really didn’t have much confidence in myself or my abilities. I’d like to say I was writing for myself, but I really did want validation, too. I think any author is lying to themselves if they say they don’t feel this way at some point. Because of this, I figured if I put the fic on FFN, it would get ignored. The site’s huge! There were, at the time, around 85k fics in the Pokémon section alone. (That number’s since gone up to over 90k!)

Given I had experience with forums, I decided to post it to Serebii, because the fic community seemed much smaller and more open to giving feedback to one another. In an effort to try and, y’know, establish some connections, I actually read other pieces and reviewed them before posting any stories. This also helped me build up a backlog of chapters and prove to myself I enjoyed writing this enough to keep going.

When I finally did post the fic, it was a bumpy start, for sure. I do think I made a lot of mistakes out of the gate, including uploading chapters way too quickly for readers on Serebii to (reasonably) try to keep pace. That probably cost me a few potential readers... or made them silent readers who I never ended up hearing from. Which is why I’m especially thankful to @girl-like-substance (who I can seem to tag, drat) for all of the well-thought-out feedback given throughout the fic’s run. I don’t think I would’ve made such significant strides in my writing otherwise... and there are plenty of long-running fics where the quality tends to stagnate.

In any case... it was thanks to a request from @deliriousabsol to put the fic somewhere more mobile-friendly that I chose to mirror Guiding Light on FFN starting in October 2017. I would’ve kept going on Serebii had she not asked so nicely, so she’s the one you can thank for it showing up there! (She’s a fellow author who does cyberpunk-themed fics and art and her characters have cameoed in the fic.)

And, honestly, I’m just... beyond shocked at what wound up happening to the fic once it hit FFN. Well, actually, for the first several months I was lucky if I even got a comment when I put up a chapter. I’m not sure any of the people who first commented on FFN still follow the fic anymore. I haven’t seen/heard from them at all, so I assumed they moved on with their lives.

In any case, around March of 2018, the word count on FFN passed 300k and... somehow, the fic starting getting more attention. Like, a lot more attention. This was... not really something I was even remotely prepared for.

(Yes, this means there’s gonna be a giveaway. More on that later.) I never would’ve thought I’d reach a number like this. I never imagined I’d meet another PMD author who’d be willing to do a fun collab (thanks @virgil134, Spiteful Murkrow, and Namohysip). I really did not imagine that I’d ever get fanart of characters that I wrote (huge thanks @thebreak-ofdawn, @ask-nicky-and-others, and @cresselia92). I mean, above everything, I not expect the fic or characters to resonate with anybody the way it wound up.

A part of me feels like I don’t really deserve it. I’ve made a lot of serious gaffes with writing this. When initial Serebii feedback had people intrigued by Shane’s jerkass attitude (when I didn’t actually intend for him to come off as a jerk), I dialed things up in the hopes I’d keep their attention. It probably cost me readers. Then there’s the slow pacing of the early episodes and the mistake of making Special Episode 3 as long as it was... which my speaks to my (bad) tendency to give into some of my strongest impulses even though I had an outline I was trying to stick to.

And, I mean, there’s also some of the “shamlessly shameful” stuff I’ve done with the fic. I’m not fooling myself. Guiding Light has grown progressively more furry and, uh, probably fanservicey, too. All the big furbait (and some scalebait) ‘mons are accounted for. There’s a lot more sexual humor when I initially promised myself I would stay away from romance and keep everything platonic. I practically turned Xerneas into waifu bait, if some of these asks are anything to go by. This blog certainly didn’t help in that regard. Maybe I’m just being my usual nervous self? 

I am worried that this fic’s performance has, somehow, affected my thoughts and behavior. There are very popular fic authors who let their popularity get to their head... or chose to open up Patreons (something that makes me uncomfortable) or start doing things like taking commissions for written pieces, which is understandable... though I think it’s an easy way to lose your passion for writing. I guess some of that worry stems from a debacle I learned about on a Discord server I’m in, but that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing publicly. 

And I haven’t even talked much about the blog itself. Like, it somehow passed 100 followers? Where? When? How? I don’t actually draw stuff like many other Pokéasks. And, like, for a lot of folks, I have no idea if they’ve actually read the fic or just check in on the blog. It’s the same with the fic, I suppose. If you’re a silent reader/follower, I would really love to hear from you! I promise... I don’t bite or anything. I’d love to know what (if anything) you’re thinking. And if you’re a blog that’s following this one and we haven’t interacted, please feel free to reach out! It’s honestly hard to tell if people like what I’m doing, so any feedback is always appreciated.

In any case, if I haven’t lost you by now, I guess all I can say is... thank you. Thank you all so much for all of the support... whether it’s on the fic, the blog, or both of them. I really do hope this final episode can meet your expectations. I’ll try my very best to make this an ending to remember. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you guys enjoy it and feel it does justice to the PMD series.

Sorry for all the rambling. The inbox is open again if you’d like to send any messages for the ficaversary. Again, thank you all so much! You’re the best!

[gcdgirl-blog]

hello, guys! i’m sora (but you can also call me s), 22 yrs old, goes by she/her pronouns, and living in the est timezone. some of my interests include doggos, anime, disney movies, and overwatch. and honestly, i can't wait to plot & interact with everyone!

✧･ﾟ(   ares + kim chungha + female   ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !!  have you seen (   mia nam  ) around ? (   she  ) has been in kaos for (   two years  ). the (   twenty-five year old   ) is a (   bartender  ) from (   las vegas, usa   ). people say they can be (   fiery   ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be (   valiant   ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of (   bloody and bruised knuckles, the sound of a motorcycle engine, worn out black leather jackets   ).  ･ﾟ✧

i. about

mia nam’s destiny felt like it was all written for her the moment she was born. for starters, she wasn’t planned. her parents were fooling around in their mid-20s and a baby came into their life when they were too drunk to remember about protection due to the heat of the moment. in the end, they decided to keep her, thinking it would work in the long run. they got married the moment mia’s moment found out she was pregnant. 9 months later, baby mia was born in las vegas, nevada.

both mom and dad ended up depending on their parents for a while because neither of them were well-off and as time ticked by, the two got an everyday job to make a living as much as they can for all three of them. the days felt long and nights became quiet as mom and dad were getting stressed out. soon, their silence became arguments in the master bedroom as they blamed each other for having to spend the rest of their lives this way and it lead to a slap on mom’s face. while mia was in her room, crying that she couldn’t do anything for to stop them from fighting. it soon grew to a norm.

to take the attention off of each other, the young nam eventually took it upon herself to get in between them. when middle school started, she started with coming home late and realized her parents would get worried and think about their daughter instead of each other. it was also a way to grab her parents’ attention.

however, it didn’t stop there. mia was going through a downward spiral during her middle school and high school years. it started with yelling and arguing with other kids, which landed her in detention multiple times and summer classes. the results weren’t exactly what she expected though. her father was furious for her actions and ended up hitting her, causing mia to run away from home for a few days.

years passed, mia graduated middle school and moved onto high school. not much changed, except her parents got a divorce and it was agreed that mia would switch between parents; staying with mom during weekdays and dad during weekends, which she dreaded.

her attitude didn’t get any better, unfortunately. she became a bitch and a bully to others, hung out with a wrong crowd, and

it was college that became a change for her. after discussing with multiple advisers, she was soon convinced that she needed a change in her lifestyle. she was just a young girl who had a deep anger inside of her, but soon she was taking anger management classes and boxing lessons to improve herself and to tone down her irritation. plus, she decided to get a college degree. she wanted to make a name for herself and wanted to believe she could do something better with her life than her parents.

she became more well-behaved and calmed down compared to her past rebellious and aggressive self. unfortunately, it didn’t stay that way for long. the brunette became friends with new people and lead them into her world, which was rare considering she never truly talked to most about her past, secrets, or emotions. before she knew it, the ones she called best friends betrayed her. they ditched her more than once, spread rumors and lies, and the last straw was telling everyone her stories. just when she thought she was having a new family of friends, the image of ever having a loving family was ruined for the girl. it made her realize that hardly anyone was going to be there, so she has to be there for herself instead and take no shit from anyone.

in the end of her college life, she got a bachelor’s degree in art, but felt she isn’t good enough yet. after taking different jobs for a few years, mia finally decided she wanted a new scenery.

that’s when kaos came into her story. she saved up money from her full-time everyday jobs as well as commissions to afford a cheap, one-way ticket before packing her bags and moving in when she was twenty-three. there, she took a job as a bartender and so far, she’s been enjoying the work. on her free time, mia continues to improve her art skills, however.

it’s been two years already and there have been times where mia considered living elsewhere, because of how she wasn’t used to staying in one place for so long, but kaos just felt too nice to pass up. for once, she felt she deserved to be here.

tl;dr she grew up in las vegas, nv, had an abusive dad, and became rebellious, then eventually decided to do better during the end of her high school year and college years. however, as she made new friends that she considered family, they betrayed her in the end. now she’s at kaos and knows there’s hardly anyone she can rely on, but herself.

ii. details

PINTEREST

traits

+

audacious, showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks: she’s fearless, always enjoys a challenge, and doesn’t mind trying new things.

faithful, loyal, constant, and steadfast: if mia makes an acquaintance and they prove to be a true friend, then mia’s a friend for life. she may not show it, but she’ll be in a person’s corner no matter what.

valiant, possessing or showing courage or determination: mia isn’t one to back down easily. if she wants something, it’ll take a long while before she calls it quits. she’s also quite brave, such as standing up for what she believes in and facing her fears.

-

fiery, having a passionate, quick-tempered nature: she’s quick to make an arguments with just about anyone and anything. her anger also tends to get the best of her sometimes.

indelicate, having or showing a lack of sensitive understanding or tact: mia has an i don’t care attitude when it comes to most people, so she’ll tell it like it is and not apologize for any rude comments.

promiscuous, having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships: she loves sex and isn’t ashamed to show it.

aesthetic

black bralettes, a tiger growling, dark clothes all over the bedroom floor, hands gripping bedsheets, a messy hole in the wall, a sharp and clean knife, lipstick stain on a white mug after drinking black coffee, a yearbook filled with x’s, ripped up family photos the warmth of having someone by your side at night then feeling the cold loneliness in the morning, a ticking time bomb.

style

90% of the time, she’ll be wearing black, the other 10% is filled with dark red. inside her closet, you’d see lace clothing items, tops that show off cleavage, leather jackets, ripped denim. if i had to pick a character to base her fashion sense off of, i’d say it would be gigi from sex&drugs&rock&roll.

she’s mostly seen with long, black hair down with the length past her shoulders and usually past her breasts too, but sometimes it’ll be in-between her shoulders and breasts.

she’s also usually seen wearing dark, red lipstick and with a cat winged eyeliner.

hobbies

during her free time, she can be seen either riding her motorcycle or sketching. after a long day and when she feels stressed or overly-irritated, she’ll go for a long drive (and passing over the speed limit) during the night. or she’ll be in her bed with a blanket over her as the AC is on high while she sketches on paper or draws on her tablet.

tattoos

she has this one to her right side.

this back tattoo.

then there’s this one on the back of her left arm.

she’s considering getting three more, but only has one idea of getting a kiss mark on her butt cheek.

sexuality

she’s bisexual. she realized this in middle school when she was crushing on a girl and would pull her hair constantly, but she was one of the very few that mia hardly harmed because of her interest in the other.

misc

she’s not fond of smoking because of how terrible the smell reminds her of casinos since her parents would frequent hotels at the strip in las vegas.

she mostly drinks socially or if she’s having a truly horrible day. other than that, she prefers to not drink because she feels she can already have fun without the alcohol and has a slight fear that she’ll be addicted.

[rodpupo2]

Research: Draw Draw Draw Project.

Mike Parr Mark making artist

Parr's performances explore physical limits, memory and subjectivity. They often depict self mutilation or extreme physical feats.

Parr spent his childhood in rural Queensland, Australia. He was born with a deformed arm, and this physical feature is prominent within his art work.

Parr’s impression taking is a striking contrast, both emotionally and visually to his video/ installation work, composed of beautiful engravings featuring many different types of lines, using the mark making technique. Parr was fascinated with observation and the possibilities and responses of memory distortions.

Parr’s early work was designed to get a reaction from the audience, although he also focused on exploring issues of identity, memory and states of being. He particularly used his body as a performative tool, often using his prosthetic arm and testing his body’s physical limits through resistance challenges.

In the early 1980s he started a collection called “the self portrait project”, Parr’s self portrait studies first took the form of painstakingly hand drawn copies of performance photographs. Subsequent drawings acknowledge accidental blurs and smudges, with parr generating purposeful distortions through the introduction of a mirror and manipulating the grid.

Life after death collection, combines charcoal, pastel and acrylic on paper; it depicts the artist’s face over and over, in varying states of distortion, as though disappearing or disintegrating.

Paul Verdell

Is an American artist, who is specialized in drawing portraits of many different people that he can find as reference, by using different kinds of colors and lines with his crayons.

Verdell was born in Long Beach, California. At the age 13, his family moved to Fremont, Ohio.

Paul Verdell paints and draws a variety of people with plenty of personality. Like most artists, he has drawn since he was little, but didn’t make a real go of the medium until he was in his mid 20s. That he was decided to go back to school, enrolled in Bowling Green State university, and took a painting class when the first semester came around. Paul eventually developed his unique artistic style, by doing drawings, that him doesn’t consider that good, but he is comfortable with that style. His mark making technique is assertive, created with force and with energy. Paul’s work may seem as if it has loss control imbued within the lines, but his artworks are also vividly representative of the person or object he’s depicting; it’s delicate balance that he’s mastered without purposely pushing his style in a certain direction.

What I like most about his work, is his use of colors, with oil pastels , where he creates different tones on the skin of his characters, using the technique of mark making, which is perhaps more impressive, since it is a very different or unconventional technique for making portraits, that’s why it’s so interesting.

With time, he realized how much colour and expressiveness the textured medium adds to the canvas, and started to experimenting with more and more different types of colors.

The artist isn’t trying to make a statement with his work. In his words, “I’m just here to paint. The viewer can take whatever that want to take out of it”.

Saul Steinberg

Romanian artist by birth was one of the most important artists of 20th century. A designer and cartoonist in the publishing industry from 1936 to 1999, he spent a considerable part of the 20th century publishing in prominent magazines on the world stage, specially in the New York. The famous cover for the New Yorker that showed the view of the world according to the average American.

In his drawings, Steinberg’s lines seem to reinvent themselves as they progress, creating different kinds of shapes and sizes, sometimes using one single line.

Steinberg’s greatest contribution was his demonstration that the drawn lines is equivalent to thought. Indeed, Steinberg is rarely concerned with outward physical appearance and is much more interested in what and how people perceive what they see. His interest in the human psyche isn’t academic. His playful, childlike doodle quality maintains an elegant deftness that succinctly describes a wide range of subjects. His quirky way to draw, sometimes reminiscent of Dada art, also crossed over into the fine arts world.

much of the humor and mystery in his work occurs in the way he relates humanity’s lack of understanding.

Urban Sketching

The drawings of urban spaces are gaining more and more admires, and this work certainly has a good baggage to please this audience, as it addresses a range of drawing techniques, which ranges from elementary theory to the more specific technique used by illustrators this modality.

Techniques and perspective tips combined with the composition tips presented in the work, are a combination that certainly makes all the difference when choosing and enhancing the scene that we will sketch, whether it be designing buildings, mansions, parks, people, animals, etc. the inclusion of the curved perspective is also another highlight, as it goes beyond the usual three vanishing points that the author usually address. The techniques, in this sense, are not many, but the author certainly selected those that generate the most impact. The watercolor for example, is his primarily tool, where he uses for the most of his drawings.

This book has been very useful for me for a long time, even today I use it as a reference. I always preferred to draw on my desk, with a reference photo. But I know that I need to let go, and learn to draw outside, just by watching, and trying to finish quickly.

I live in São Paulo for a while, and sometimes when I walk I always have a small sketchbook in my pocket and a watercolor kit. Sometimes I paint trees, sometimes buildings with interesting shapes and colors, from time to time some birds. Anyway, I learned a few things from this book, although I still prefer to draw in my studio, calm and do the drawing with all the time in the world, it is very important that I draw what is around me, so that I learn to train my eyes, in addition to drawing totally random things, which sometimes the internet cannot provide.

Alexander Calder Animal Sketching

Alexander Calder is a renowned sculptor and inventor of mobiles, and here he brings the simplicity of lines and spirit of movement to the art of animal sketching.

The purpose of the book is to help people like me to draw animals as we can see them.

Calder captures the emotions and attitudes of animals in a few quick lines, the person can quickly obtain a lasting groundwork in animal sketching.

This book really helped me, because I drew animal few times, and I was always thinking in the proportions and finalizing the drawing, but I learned that before doing that perfect drawing, I have to understand the movement and the poses, not necessarily making a masterpiece right in the begging, but train and have some fun on doing it.

This book contain several animal sketches, like cats, dogs, deers, cows, horses. All this animals doing different poses and actions for training.

Juan Linares

Juan Linares is a Spanish illustrator and painter, who specializes in drawing mainly different environments (Urban sketching), from streets to buildings with a different style of architecture. He mainly understands the perspective and depth of the environment. Uses various types of materials, such as acrylic markers, even alcohol-based pens. But his preferred tool, of course, is watercolor, which he always uses, when walking in the streets of his city Barcelona, ​​where he paints narrow streets, with the small bistros, from the famous  La Sagrada Familia church made by Gaudi.

Linares says, that he’s been drawing professionally since 1984. Starting his architecture studies. He drew in sketchbooks, notebooks, and in blackboards. He has a preference in drawing food and buildings.

What I like about Linares's drawings, is the way he can put light and shadows, besides the buildings being magnificently well done, very carefully and calmly (he explains that if you are drawing in some environment it is good to be calm, and patience without feeling the need to finish quickly).

He has traveled to some places in the world, including Brazil itself, where he sketched the museum of Niterói, designed by the architect Oscar Niemeyer, besides the Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro.

Juan Linares is a great artist, and I really admire the passion he puts in each of his drawings. And I wish to see more of his works, of famous architectures of the world.

Laura Carlin

Laura Carlin was born is Glastonbury, England. She studied at Buckinghamshire university, followed by The Royal College of Art.

Laura has illustrated many children’s books for Walker Books Ltd, including The Iron Man by Ted Hughes which won many awards, specially praising for Laura’s illustrations.

She has also drawn for a whole host of publications including The New Yorker, The Guardian and Vogue, among many others.

Laura’s works frequently touches on emotionally complex subjects and adult themes of loss , social injustice and environmental change.

As an illustrator Carlin has worked with several contemporary children’s authors including Nicholas Davies for her book The Promise about a young thief whose life has changed after stealing a bag of acorns and Michael Morpurgo’s book The Kites are Flying ! , a story centered on the conflict between Israel and Palestine.

One of the reasons why, I like so much her work, it’s because she has the ability to convey a plethora of emotions through the smallest details on the pages, combining with childlike drawing style and with a sentimental narrative, it’s very brave of her, to do books for children, with such difficult themes to explore.

Research: Show and Tell Project

Frank Frazetta

Frank Frazetta was an American illustrator and painter, who became extremely well known for having defined the look, of the character Conan the Barbaro, created by Robert. E.Howard in the 1930s.

Frank was born in Brooklyn, New York, and from an early age he showed his skills as an artist. As a child, at the age of 8, he studied at a small art school called Brooklyn Academy of Fine Arts.

His illustrations are inspired by the great painters of the late 18th and 19th centuries, who portrayed mythological legends.

For me it’s not just the wonderful color palette he used, the wild and original streak or the phenomenal technique he developed. Of course, these things are fundamental, but in my understanding, the most important thing is that he defined practically everything we know in terms of visuals, mainly in the fields of fantasy, witchcraft, barbarism and even a little bit of science fiction.

His paintings defined some characters that we know today, like Tarzan and John carter, that he brought a new life to the characters of Burroughs, not to mention the images of Conan, who made the illustrator famous. Imagine that before him, the Sword and Sorcery look did not exist. The Conan that appeared on the covers of books since the 30s of the last century gets to laugh today. Frazetta was the first to understand the world created by Robert E. Howard.

The reason I chose frazetta as a reference is because I like fantastical worlds so much, and I love to learn anatomy, and frazzetta understood a lot of that, with his extremely vibrant colors, and extremely strong characters, who faced terrible monsters, who disturbed the peace.

Claude Monet

Claude Monet is the main and most dedicated representative of the impressionist movement. He always preferred paintings outdoors, regardless of weather conditions,in order to capture all the effects of nature. Early in his career he was misunderstood, especially by his family, resulting in financial difficulties for years. Only around the age of 40 did he start selling his paintings, he died as a rich and well known artist.

He started to paint from a very young age which earned him some money, selling caricatures, with the money he bought painting materials. In 1858 he met Eugene Boudin, a landscape painter who encouraged him to paint outdoors. The following year he moved to Paris to specialize his techniques. At that time Paris attracted the most varied artists in the world and there Monet met Camille Pissarro and Manet among other avant-garde artists.

In 1874, the first impressionists exhibition was held in Paris, featuring works by Monet, Renoir, Degas and Cezanne. The term Impressionism, derives from Monet’s painting called Impression, Sunrise (1872).

It was the art critic Louis Leroy to call the artistic movement: Impressionism. It was a way of understanding this type of painting that did not follow the standards established by the academy and its realistic paintings.

When looking closely at an impressionist work, you see only separate brushstrokes that look like blotches without contour. Seen from afar, the brushstrokes organize for our eyes creating shapes and luminosity.

His works of art followed, as a main theme, the landscape of nature.

He worked harmoniously with colors and lights, creating beautiful and strong images. In the artistic context, is good to mention the series of paintings that he made on the Cathedral of Rouen (1892-1894), where the artist portrayed the constructions at different times of the day, with variations in brightness.

Monet and the impressionist artists, were no longer interested in themes related to the nobility, to the church, or to producing portraits that were true to reality. They wanted to see the painting as work in itself.

Ridley Scott

Ridley Scott is one of the most well-known film directors of all time. He made several films of different genres, but his most well-known genre is science fiction, making films like Alien, Blade Runner, The Martian and Prometheus.

But before before of being a director, Scott was applying to the Royal College of Art, one the most acclaimed art colleges at the time, to be a designer.

Scott always liked drawing , but he saw that he had no way of being a painter. His teachers always argued that his paintings were more illustrations than paintings.

So he saw that the Royal College of Art, had a particularly strong Graphic Design Department, which would give him a more specific creative target and a broader canvas. He was accepted by the college, and started his studies in 1958 and finished in 1961.

In his words, he considered design college to be extremely competitive, everyone in his class tried to compete with each other to see who was better. And Scott realized that he needed to fight hard to be among the best. “It could be very competitive, with no much being given away and everything kept close to you chest. You observed all the time, watched everyone else did and tried to do better and be the most original”.

Since graduating, Scott has said that he has become extremely perfectionist, and has tried to do as much of his work as a designer and a filmmaker in the best possible way.

After working as a set designer, and director in British television, he began in 1967 to direct commercials, eventually numbering more than 2,000 for his own company. His attention to visual stylization in his commercials, including distinctive atmospheric lighting effects, continued into the feature films that he began to directing in 1977.

In 1979 Ridley Scott releases what is considered his debut film and his masterpiece, the movie Alien. Starring Sigourney Weaver as Ellen Ripley, Scott is credited with having a heroine take point in the ensuing hunt aboard the Nostromo spaceship. Scott’s paintings and illustrations are close to pointillism with tiny points that result in images of high definition and extreme detail.

A highly detailed approach marks his style. His eye for composition, lighting, and design seems to explain his ability to visualize a movie in his mind. He claims to have and eidetic memory and the ability to recall images with high precision.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjD82nKybUA

Roxie Vizcarra

Roxie Vizcarra is an artist, who worked as the senior illustrator of Rockstar Games, who worked closely on the iconic Grand Theft Auto v and Red Dead Redemption 2 marketing campaigns.

The Peruvian-American artist was just out of college- she earned her bachelor’s degree from the Parsons School of Design in New York- when she was approached by Rockstar games in 2009.

Vizcarra was Rockstar game’s first female illustrator. The first project she worked on was Grand Theft Auto IV: Liberty City.

The first game Vizcarra worked on since its inception was the original Red Dead Redemption, released in 2010.

Vizcarra draws her art from spaghetti western movies and holds the work of “Golden age” illustrators such as Bob Peak and Robert McGinnis in high regard.

For most of her career, Vizcarra’s process began by drawing in sketchbooks (she’s a fan of traditional ink), which she then uploads and adds digital colors through Photoshop.

However, for a year or two she has been using Procreate on the IPad, which is very flexible for her purposes. She also takes references photos when she doesn’t have a clear idea of what the illustration should look like, either of others or of herself, in the desired pose.

Vizcarra shows unusual humility; she insists on not taking credit for herself and repeatedly refuses to attribute specific drawings to one person or another, or to go into the why’s and how’s of illustrations.

Vizcarra’s work is really interesting, and it explores the more of the side of markenting. In making covers and posters extremely flashy for the public, and in addition to using references to posters from old western movies, maybe that is what attracts me the most. I really like the western theme, and I always liked the way she created the poster for games like red dead redmeption 2 and GTA, with extremely warm colors, with references of very old artists, who perhaps few remember, but she always tries to put some of them into her work.

Show and Tell Digital Collage research

Terry Gilliam

Is a famous American-British director, screenwriter, animator, artist and comedian, and who is known for directing and acting in some of the films of the English comedy group Monthy Python, in addition to making films that are extremely difficult to understand, as if madness were the main character in all his films.

Terry Gilliam began his career as an animator and photographic cartoonist; one his first jobs was for the Help ! Magazine.

Gilliam preferred cut-out animation, which involved pushing bits of paper in front of camera instead of photographing pre-drawn cels. The process allows for more spontaneity than traditional animation along with being comparatively cheaper and easier to do. He also preferred to use old photographs and illustrations to create sketches that were surreal and hilarious.

Gilliam was one of the founders of Monty Python. At first, he was accredited as an animator ( his name appeared separate from the remaining 5 members in the credits), later he also joined the series as an actor. Their animations linked the sketches of the program and defined the group’s look in other types of media ( such as Vinyl discs, book covers and the opening sequence in the films).

Gilliam polished a unique style, created fantastic worlds, worked with great stars for the biggest studios, and sweated tight budgets to execute his vision, not always sharp but always brilliant.

Caco Neves

Caco Neves uses digital collage as a platform, he created, for the past 10 years, illustrations for zines, magazines, advertising pieces, vignettes for TV and the web and, more recently, he was summoned by the Vogue art team to create the cover for the Vogue Experience 2017.

After spending a season in London, where he learned to give movement to his creations with the techniques calls Motion Collage, Caco returned to Brazil and, in a moment of creative rest, when he was creating for himself and not for a client, worked on a psychedelic vignette, then he sent it to MTV, to see if they liked the style, and they asked to use this commercial but to make some adjustments.

For Caco, the success of digital collage in the last decade is a reflection of the time we live in. “ The internet brought access to images- digital collections became public- and photoshop became popular.”

He has worked for several national and international companies, and his work is very dear to his collaborators, very much for his creativity, and for the choice of technique.

[rkmg]

—  STAR BRIGHT CASTING 🎥 KIM MINGYU !

december 3rd, 2017 • recording in the live taping event

This was probably the most nervous that Mingyu had been in a while. Part of him kept trying to figure out whether or not this was a good idea, but each time he glanced over at his best friend standing next to him, his worries seemed to briefly fade away. Filling out the form was extremely easy, but he had a good feeling that the actual interview wouldn't be as much of a walk in the park. It was his dream to be a rapper and to make music, he knew that much, but what if it was too soon? This was his first real occasion in which he's doing what he can to actively achieve his goal, so this was a nerve-wracking experience.

All that he hoped is that he wasn't as awkward on camera as he assumed he'd be. Listening to people always came so easily to him, though talking about himself wasn't quite on the same level. He was aware that he would stumble over his words sometimes and take long pauses, as well as excessively make use of the unflattering 'um' and 'uh's.

He practiced a bit, but he wouldn't know whether or not it worked until he was seated and being pelted with question after question. One thing that he considered attempting was pretending that each question was being asked to him by Won or his mother, that way he would trick himself into a sense of security, comfort, and peace.

Even if he did somehow manage to ease his nerves enough to scarcely mess up his speech, he hoped that he didn't move around too much. He was fidgety at times, so hopefully, that wouldn't shine through. He wanted to make a good impression and he really hoped he'd do well... not only for himself but for Won, too. He looked over at the younger boy again, smiling gently in his direction, though he wasn't entirely sure if he caught it or not. After finishing the form, he sat down and waited for his turn, doing his best to train his leg to not constantly bounce up and down as he took deep breaths.

Once his name was called, he bit down on his lower lip as he stood from his seat and made his way over. When he was in the room and seated again, he smiled and looked around, taking in his surroundings. There were a few tests done and he introduced himself well enough, he believed, before the first question finally was upon him.

“Why do you want to be an idol?”

Fair enough question, he thought to himself before slowly grinning. He was quiet for only a moment as he tried to come up with the perfect response, as talking to everyone wasn't exactly something that effortlessly came to him. "I want to be an idol because I want to achieve great things. Not only that, but... rapping is one of my favorite hobbies. I love music, especially making it, because it gives me the perfect opportunity to express myself. It's one of my many creative outlets, and I have so many ideas and visions in my mind that I just want to get out into the world. Writing lyrics and then performing them is exhilarating for me, and I would really love it if I could make a career out of that. I think that being in an idol group would be good for me, because I'm already great at teamwork since I play a lot of sports and I'm used to us all relying on one another and working hard to succeed together. I just think that... if I want to be really happy in life, I will only achieve that by being exactly who I am and doing the things that I love."

“Which skill are you the best at?”

His heartbeat was rapid and he did his best to appear calm and collected. He tried to keep a big grin on his face and he lightly chuckled before answering this question, taking a bit of time to steady his breathing. "Well, rapping. I have been interested in that for around ten years and I've practiced a lot ever since. I taught myself how to do most of it, then over time, I just really developed a knack for it. Since it came so naturally to me, I really believe that I'm meant to be a rapper. I'm passionate about it and I love doing it so much, so I know in my heart that this is the path that I want to take and what I want to continue doing for a very long time." He gave a nod after saying it, his smile growing once more as he kept his hands on his lap and refrained from rubbing the back of his neck, despite having the urge to.

“What do you think you still need to improve on?”

"Dancing." It fell from his lips immediately, then he laughed after before explaining himself. "I'm not a good dancer, but I really want to be. I think that I have the potential to improve a lot, I've just never had any classes. I have been wanting to learn for a while now, but for some reason, I never took the initiative to do anything about it. I've always admired dancers and people who can pull off really impressive choreographies, so I hope that one day soon, I'll be able to be one of them."

“Who are your biggest influences?”

This was an easy question, so his shoulders relaxed and he appeared even more comfortable as he started getting into answering this one. "For musical artists and other rappers, I really love Mad Clown, Zico, Zelo, Ravi, Giriboy, and Kim Seyong. I really look up to them and try to help my own rapping get better by paying attention to theirs. They're all extremely talented and I aspire to be as great as they are one day. I think that I have what it takes, I just have to keep going on so that I can have as much time invested in it as they do." He paused, briefly chewing on the inside of his cheek before he caught himself and stopped, then carried on. "My mother was a big influence on me, too. She used to sing to me when I was young, and she could also play the piano really well. She's the reason that I developed such a love for music in general, then I later discovered rap on my own and learned that it was really my taste. My best friend is also someone who really inspires and influences me. He's another great vocalist, and it's also thanks to him that I strive to better myself every single day."

“What is the biggest obstacle you’ve had to overcome so far?”

"My biggest obstacle was getting to this point. It took me a while to accept that it was okay for me to chase my dreams. For the longest time, I kept trying to tell myself that this was unrealistic and that I needed to shoot for smaller goals. I thought that if I stuck to doing sports, that maybe I could eventually get somewhere with that, but I know that's not truly what I want to do. Music and other forms of art are what I enjoy the most, so I don't think that I should hold myself back anymore. I was originally nervous about coming here and giving this a shot, but I really think that... I probably made the right call." He smiled happily, his eyes crinkling and cheeks being pushed up and defined before they moved on to the next question.

“What’s your family like?”

"The best family in the entire world. My mother raised me alone for most of my life and she is one of my two best friends in the entire universe. She's the kindest and strongest woman that I know, and I don't know where I'd be without her. She loves me unconditionally and has supported me through everything. I feel very lucky to have her as my mother. My almost stepfather is really great, too. I met him when he was my coach for basketball, and he was always someone that I admired and looked up to. Obviously, I'm very excited that he's going to be my dad because I don't believe that there's a greater one that exists. I've learned a lot from him. My grandparents are very kind and loving, too, as well as my aunt and uncle who are very close to my mother. My best friend is practically family, too, and I'm also thankful that he's in my life. He's always been here for me when I've needed him, and I'll always be there for him. My family is... all I could have ever asked for in a family."

“If you weren’t trying to be an idol, what would you be doing right now?”

Shifting a bit in his seat, he drew in a deep breath before letting it out in a quiet laugh, then he softly hummed before answering. "Right now? The same thing. I'd still be in high school and trying to finish up my last year so that I can graduate. When it comes to plans for my future, I'd either be trying to do something with sports like I previously mentioned, or I'd be taking an artistic route. I love drawing and painting, so it would be ideal for me to figure out a career in that. I'm not so sure that I have what it takes to become a famous artist," he chuckled mid-sentence, then happily continued, "but maybe I could illustrate children's books or something equally as nice."

Once he was finished answering and everything was wrapped up, he exited the room and was relieved to reunite with Won and his mother. He knew he was going to be on edge until he found out what the results were, but he knew that either way, with these two in his life, it would be okay. He just hoped that maybe both of them would finally be able to start working on achieving their dream of debuting together... time would tell.

[psychohelmet]

Life update and stuffs. Ended up being really long.

So recently I made the decision to take a gap year/ intermission from university. I felt like I was miserable and I couldn’t function anymore. There were so many things wrong with me but I kept going until 2-3 weeks ago, when I just couldn’t handle school and my mind and decided that I really needed a break from everything.

The thought of taking a gap year popped up in my head time and again but I always felt somewhat guilty if I decided to take one. I felt guilty mainly cause my parents were paying for my education and I just wanted to make them proud. I always felt like I was letting them down one way or another and if I had decided to take a gap year, that I would just add onto the long list of why I was a disappointment. They always said I had so much potential but I just kept failing, screwing up and squandering opportunities away. I just kept these feelings inside of me, sucked it up to my best of my abilities and tried to continue life and school as per usual. 

That lead to many other issues tho. Being in art school is obviously a tough interesting experience but overall just stressful and tough. You’re constantly surrounded by people who are talented, that you feel like they’ve figured out what works for them and that are extremely passionate. I initially was hesitant about entering art school cause I had lost my passion thanks to a previous art teacher of mine. I thought why not give it a go? Maybe being surrounded by passionate people who jolt my passion and motivation to do art. Sadly that didn’t happen. I ended up being way more lost and miserable. Ok which student hasn’t felt lost and miserable before? But I just felt like whatever I did wasn’t working out and I was just churning out things to satisfy deadlines and criteria. I just didn’t like what I did and felt that I was slowly driving myself into a corner. I used to be passionated about drawing and illustrations but ever since my previous art teacher happened, I just stopped all together. In art school, I felt like oh I can’t paint, I can’t draw, so what do I do now? I ended up doing a lot of experiment stuff, which was fun, but I felt like I was really narrowing down what I could do and it drove me mad. I felt so dead and unwilling to do work that I would ignore work for a straight month and then panic and rush when I had critique or deadlines were closing in thanks to my procrastination. I may have had an inferiority complex and I couldn’t bring myself to ask any of my classmates no matter how open and chill everyone seemed to be. 

My grades weren’t helping my mental health either. My school has a very weird grading system. Overall we have a gpa, however we never know what our gpa is. Our grades would be out of a 100 with 40 being the passing grade which sounds pretty good and normal. But the thing is that it’s rather rare of anyone to score above 80 unless it was for theory or history. So constantly hitting 50s and 60s made me feel like I sucked and that probably everyone else was doing way better and it just made me even more demoralised. Having parents who were used to the normal grading system sucked cause they would never understand why I was achieving these grades and kept saying do better next time, you have to graduate with at least 2nd upper class honours. 

Nobody seemed interested in my works compared to my classmates and my mediocre grades were hurting me and the pressure of not being a disappointment to my parents just put me in a really bad state. Not to mention my lack of a social life made me more miserable cause everyone seemed to never have the time for me and never bothered thinking about me. I had nobody to lean on. I had nobody to talk to. Everyone was too busy and I felt like I would be bothering them, both friends and family.  There was just a lot of things happening and I just felt empty. I was living an extremely unfulfilling life. There were so many times I just try to disconnect from everything which lead to my parents nagging more at me cause they’d just assume I was being lazy. 

This was supposed to be my graduating year. I did think of taking a gap year before the school semester officially started but I felt like I might as well just suck it up and get through the year. Also cause I didn’t want to bring my parents any stress and disappointment again. The pressure of wanting to do well just overcame me. I felt suffocated. I was just filled with so much anxiety and stress that I couldn’t do anything. There was this back and forth argument going in my head that I should just do it or that I should just quit. Eventually after talking to some friends, I decided I really needed a break. 

Telling my parents that I wanted to take an intermission mid semester wasn’t going to be easy especially cause fees are expensive, I’m not the one paying for them and that there would be no refunds. Persuading my parents was going to be another headache cause, from my pov, they never took me seriously or bothered to understand me. I just let me be and assumed things. I know they do things with good intentions but sometimes it just frustrates me so much and their words can hurt so much. So I wrote them a letter about my situation and that I wanted to take a break and sigh when I handed them that letter, at first, they didn’t take it seriously until I sternly told them both to read it. That lead to probably one of the worse 2 weeks of my life in 2017. They said they would support me no matter what my decision ended up being but I could see it that they just couldn’t let me take the break I needed. They wanted me to talk to professionals like the sch counsellor (imo doesn’t help at all from past experiences), my programme leader and my uncle who’s an art teacher. It really did feel like they were hoping these professionals would tell me otherwise and change my mind. My dad was obviously worrying about sch fees and the fact that he would have to fork out even more money. I can’t blame him but idk money over your own daughter’s mental health? And you said you’d try to support me? It just rubbed off the wrong way. During those 2 weeks, my parents never brought the taboo topic up irl and only texted me about the matter which made me feel like they truly didn’t care. It was a really sucky feeling. It hurts me even more cause my mum did work in a mental health institute for a few years but she couldn’t help or say anything comforting to me. 

So I did as I was told and talked to the necessary people just to please them because I desperately wanted out. A few people were willing to help me if I made the decision to continue school this year. My sis, who’s also an art teacher, offered me help by thinking for me like being my brain and I just needed to execute the works. My uncle offered to buy me the necessary materials I needed to pull off my practice and was also willing to help me. Even with people willingly wanting to help me, I couldn’t bring myself to continue school. I felt bad ngl. I just felt like I was continuously being selfish and letting everyone down but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I talked to my parents again and they finally allowed me to take the gap year I needed and well now I’m here. I just kinda sucks that they took forever to let me be and try to understand me. 

It’s not the first time, I’ve caved in to anxiety, pressure and stress. The last time that happened, I flunked my graduating national exams. I might have passed nearly everything but I got shit grades. I barely had any universities I qualified for. Honestly, I hated how my parents continuously compared me to my sis who keeps achieving in life. I mean I’m happy for her but it sucks. You really feel like a defective child especially if you have dyslexia and adhd like I do. 

This ended up super long but I guess it was necessary. I’m just glad my folks allowed me to do this and that they’re trying to understand and support me. I left out a lot of ugly details but you get what I’m trying to say (even tho this is already longer than an essay). I guess sometimes you got to take things into your own hands and not allow yourself to suffer for others. Stop doing things to please people, just do it for yourself. If you need a break and need help, do it before it gets worse. I still feel like crap honestly but I feel so so relived.

[ilosebookmarks]

Skin Shoes Comes Out...with a sort-of fic!

DISCLAIMER: I WROTE THIS ON MY PHONE

Filling a request from 🐝anon in which reader and Connor go to art school (maybe scad b/c bees!!) and have life drawing sex

It’s freshman year, and you met Connor in your orientation group a couple months ago. He was snarking under his breath about some stupid tour or presentation and you heard him and giggled a little, and when he heard that he turned to see you and thought “damn, they’re fuckin cute.”

He kept snarking and you joined in, because a lot of it really is stupid, and by the end of the day you two have smoked a joint together and become buds™ because he didn’t think enough of himself to believe you’d ever see him in a romantic or sexual way.

Fast forward a few months, and you two are in life drawing class together. You both missed a class and need to make up the drawings, so you offer to pose for each other. Nbd, people do this in art school all the time (srsly) and after all, that’s what buds™ are for.

You meet up in his room while his roommate has class, both a little nervous, and decide y'all need to get bake-ed before you get naked.

Once you’re both good and high you play a game of rock, paper, scissors to pick who models first: spoiler alert, it’s you.

You strip shyly and ask Connor how he wants you to pose, but he’s too flustered to explain it well, so he ends up kind of positioning you himself, like you’re one of those wooden models artists use.

His hands are soft but shaking, and you pretend not to notice.

He finally gets you how he wants you and starts his 30 minute sketch. He’s using charcoal because he’s a black-loving edgelord.

He has you sit on his bed with your legs in a sort of 4 shape and starts blocking in your basic shapes- the curve of your waist, the tilt of your shoulders, the swell of your breasts. Your eyes meet and you feel yourself flush as you look away.

“No moving,” he says. You aren’t the only one who’s red.

“Sorry.”

He keeps drawing. Your eyes dart around the room, expertly avoiding his. Look at the floor, the ceiling, the…bulge in his pants? Was that always there?

Something must show on your face, because he asks what’s wrong.

“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong!”

Connor’s not convinced. “Do you need a stretch break? Honestly, y/n, you don’t have to do this.. I could just take a reference photo..” He stops immediately, wide eyes get wide and gaping mouth. “I mean- not for- I wouldn’t…Jesus, put me out of my misery…”

He’s so flustered, and it’s fucking adorable. You decide to have a some fun with that.

“So you wanna take dirty pictures of me, Murphy?” you ask, raising an eyebrow but otherwise staying still.

“What? No!” he splutters.

“No? Don’t like what you see? Because that bulge in your pants tells a different story.”

His expression resembles a demented goldfish. You uncross your legs and spread them, stretching out the stiff muscles. Connor drops his charcoal, and it shatters as it hits the floor.

“Y'know, with a picture you could see me like this whenever you w-”

“Ok, I get it! Connor got a boner while you were modeling! Gross! God, this was a stupid idea, I don’t even know what I was thinking. Sure, Con, you can keep it cool with y/n sitting naked in your bed! Fuckin idiot.” He’s running his hands through his hair and pulling at it a little.

“It’s not gross.”

“What?”

“It’s not gross. It’s…flattering.”

“My dick getting hard is flattering?” You nod. “…Prove it.”

You stand up and start walking toward Connor. “Shit, y/n, I didn’t mean you- you don’t have to-”

“I know, Con. I want to. I’ve wanted to since orientation.” You’re in his space now, your nudity a stark contrast to his pants and long sleeves.

“But I thought you..why didn’t you say something?” You shrug.

“I didn’t think you were interested.” He grabs your hand and slowly brings it toward his clothed cock, watching your face for any signs of distress, hissing when you finally make contact.

“I’m very interested.”

His cock is long and hard under your hand as you palm him through his pants. “So you wouldn’t mind if…” you trail off as your lips slowly get closer to his. He can’t take it anymore. He pulls you into a fierce, passionate kiss, one that speaks of pent up longing, and you kiss back until you run out of breath. He trails kisses down your neck and starts grinding into your hand when you moan.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Mm.” Your grip on his cock gets firmer. He tries to stifle a moan.

You pull back a bit. “I’m naked,” you say.

He laughs, not unkindly, and says “No shit.”

You swat his shoulder. “I was going to say you should join me, but if you’re gonna be difficult…”

“I’ll be good!” it comes out muffled as he briefly gets stuck stripping his shirt. “See? Getting naked! Best behavior.” He’s teasing, but he isn’t. You unbutton his pants and give his dick a light squeeze over his boxer briefs.

“Good. Now these,” you say as you push down his pants. As they fall to his ankles you pull Connor in for another searing kiss, moving your free hand from his chest to his long hair. You give a light, experimental tug and feel his cock twitch in your hand through his underwear. He moans louder this time, and you smile into the kiss.

“What?” he asks. He’s panting slightly.

“Connor Murphy, you kinky little shit!”

He grins. “Guilty.”

“And here I was thinking you’d be good for me,” you tease, trailing your lips down his neck, down his chest, down his stomach. He giggles lightly when you tongue his belly button. It’s fucking adorable.

“So good,” he promises while you work your way into his underwear. You run your fingers through his pubic hair with one hand and grab his ass with the other, inching the fabric down further. Your hand accidentally bumps against his cock and Connor whimpers. “Please.”

“Please what?” You smile into his belly, your chin grazing the tip of his dick if he moves just so.

“Please, let me fuck you.”

This was…unexpected. You’d hoped but never believed you’d be in a position to have sex with Connor, and definitely not when HE was the one asking YOU.

“Y/n?” he says, breathy and desperate.

“Yeah, Connor?” you look up from kneeling in front of him.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous.”

You stand up abruptly.

“Y/n?”

“Get on the bed, Connor.”

“What?”

You finally pull his underwear down. His hard cock bounces slightly in the air, and the look on his face tells you that his patience is wearing thin.

“Get on the bed, Connor.” He moves to comply, pulling you with him with hungry kisses and a hand on your ass. You’re so wet from seeing him like this, being wanted like this. You push him down to the bed and straddle his lap, just inches from where he wants you.

“Y/n!” Connor whines, “Fuck, y/n, I need you…Please…Fuck…” You kiss him mid-whimper and slowly, loosely give his cock a test stroke. His back arches up off the bed on the downstroke when his foreskin moves to fully expose his wet tip. (Don’t @me I like that hc) You use your free hand to push him back down by the shoulders.

“Be good!” He keens desperately. You set a rhythm with your strokes, holding him down and kissing his temple, neck, clavicle, nipples, listening for the place that gets the best reaction…until you stop. Drop his dick. Get off his lap. He sits up.

“Y/n? Is everything ok?”

“Did I say you could move?” He quickly lies back down. “Good. I’m just looking for a condom.”

“Other drawer.”

“Gotcha.” The box is new. “Getting laid a lot, I see.” He flushes.

“Hasn’t been anyone else I really want to fuck,” he mumbles.

A shiver shoots down your spine. Connor holds back a moan as you roll the condom down his length. You take his hands and put them above his head.

“I can’t hold you down for this part, but don’t move,” you tell him. He nods. You slowly sink his sheathed cock into your wet core as you lower yourself back down into his lap. You can see his hands twitching to touch you and once you’re fully seated on his cock you decide to put the poor boy out of his misery.

“You can move now.”

Instantly his hands shoot up. One palms your breast. The other starts rubbing circles on your clit, and you begin to ride him in earnest.

“Fuck, y/n…” he moans, and you don’t think your name has ever sounded sexier. His hips pick up on your rhythm and thrust weakly to meet you, hitting a spot within you that makes you see stars.

“Shit, Con, do that again.”

A wicked grin appears on his face. “What? This?” He thrusts again. And again. And again, while the fingers on your clit get faster. You feel something building within you until it snaps. Your hips buck erratically as you come, moaning. He moves a few more times, getting louder and louder, eyes squeezing shut, keening your name as he comes.

You pull off of him and take care of the condom, then cuddle into his side with a sweet kiss.

@problematicc-favs @🐝 anon

I wanted to just submit this to Sin Mom but this is a sideblog and I don't really wanna put my main blog because I have to be a grown up.

[velcr0kitty]

What If?

Title: What If? Summary: You indulge yourself in a harmless passion, following a train of thought, but when Mikey catches a glimpse it may not be so harmless after all. Author: Velcr0Kitty Characters: Mikey (2016) x Reader Word Count: 1846 Warnings: Angst, fluff, body image… issues? I guess? Author’s Notes: Welcome to my first fic, I’m so sorry. I seriously didn’t expect it to become so sad my original idea was so happy ;-;

You drift to the bottom of the sketchbook and scrawl a title of sorts.

What If - Mikey

Under it, you put your signature. It’s hard to deny your feelings for the charismatic turtle, but with that whole “different species” issue complicating things you doubted the feelings would ever be mutual. That hasn’t stopped your daydreams yet.

You never imagined you’d be in a situation where you even could think that. Once upon a time you could only imagine yourself with your beloved art degree in a pleasant flat somewhere other than NYC. You would be a master of your passion and your passion, a career. Before you got your chance, however, your best friend fell very ill. You spent your time with her, being supportive. This was the snowball that became the avalanche.

Your friend was released after a few weeks. Then in succession, like a machine gun of shit, your mother died in a car accident, you were hostage in a bank robbery, your new apartment building out of town exploded (You didn’t honestly believe the landlord at first). Three foot clan attacks and a load more bull-shit later, you were broke, homeless, family-less and living, quite literally, under a rock (a storm a few months prior had upturned it in central park.) That’s where the turtles found you. Dirty, starving, and huddled up under a blanket some random do-gooder’s gave you. Though you suspect it was mostly Donnie’s doing, for whatever reason, they took you in and welcomed you into their home.

That was three years ago. Over those three wonderful years, they nursed you back to health, welcomed you, and loved you as one of their own. It didn’t take long for feelings to develop for the youngest. You spent day in and day out with all of the brothers, of course, but most of your time was with Mikey. Donnie always patched you up and made sure you were okay, but Mikey sat with you and made sure you were okay. He quickly became your best friend.

He comforted you, stayed up with you when you couldn’t sleep, you two have more inside jokes than you’d care to count. The only thing you don’t know about him is how much the guys have been hounding him for months, just small remarks during training or while on patrol, to get him to “just turtle up!” and ask you out or something.

For some reason, you kept your art from them. As close as y'all were, having even one thing to yourself can do wonders for your sanity. Sometimes, while the boys trained or for the hours Splinter had them in the Ha'Shi, you snuck out to buy supplies. Nothing too big, just sketchbooks and pencils that you stashed under your bed when not in use.

You often drew the brothers, for good reason. They had both ridiculously interesting lines and unique shapes, as well as always being around. Plus you had found a few well-hidden hidey holes to draw from if you wanted a live reference.

It’s only natural when crushing on a giant talking turtle to, even just once, imagine what he’d look like as a human, right?

Today, you ran with that thought. So, as you finish the drawing, you scan the page for any last minute fixes. You run your fingers over the sketch, being careful to not smudge. You feel the bumps and ridges of your pencil marks travel underneath you like a road map. As you move over his face, your hand reveals his brilliant and goofy grin, but you can almost see the way his blue eyes light up and glint with mischief when he laughs, the way the green of his cheeks shimmer in the light with his constant smiles and grins. You soften and fall into a lazy smile.

Your hand continues over his torso, your mind wandering to the endless amazing hugs, his muscular arms, his surprisingly comfortable plastron. Hesitantly, you move left, over a man. Lean, but built, muscle hidden under a wildly patterned t-shirt. His mid-length blond messy hair falls into his eyes, but the mischief and brilliant smile remain. He stands with his arms crossed. His pose screams youth, confidence and energy. Your eyes flick back and forth between the drawings. You are nowhere near as familiar with this man, but your curiosity is sated.

The sounds of training float from the dojo as you come back to reality. Heavy grunts and dull thuds tell you how far into training they are and, not realizing how late it really is, decide it will be some time until they’re done. You abandon your art supplies on your bed for the makeshift shower down the hall that Don whipped up last year.

When you emerge toasty and clean in your favorite PJ’s, you waddle towards your room and revel in the silence. You’re nearly winded when just how silent it was hit you like a freight train and you took off for your room. Mere footsteps away from the right corner and a soft hiccup of a sob makes you freeze, your heart dropping. You stop, inches from the door. You know what’s coming. Something in you tells you to run. What's around this corner? You know it will break you. You can leave. You don’t have to see those baby blues hating you. Thinking you’ve betrayed him.

You run a hand through your hair. Ruined.

You wring your hands. He hates you.

You take a step into the room, almost trembling. Looking everywhere but where you need to. His eyes are burning into you. Your room is dull. Face this. You could have run, but you didn’t. So, FACE. THIS.

When you make eye contact, you couldn’t and will never be able to accurately describe the sheer betrayal in his eyes. He’s gripping your sketchbook, the drawing. His eyes are red, his mouth agape. He opens and closes it a few times, searching for words.

———

“You know, we were almost human once?” You drop your controller and shift on the couch to look at him better. Disbelief paints your face.

“No kidding?”

———

“… What,” his voice breaks, as does his eye contact, which drops to the paper in his hand. “Y/N, what is this?”

———

“Seriously, Angelcakes. It’s crazy, Donnie had this ooze that we got from…” As he tells you his story you can see how important it was to him to find some normalcy. He wasn’t cracking jokes, he was barely moving. Just talking. This became the most personal and serious night you two had ever shared. He spoke of growing up with ninja turtles. You, of school, of bullies, of humans. You shared worlds.

———

You couldn’t find the words. You knew you had hurt him. Badly. It was just a drawing and a thought to you, but to him… to him it meant you didn’t like him for him. Maybe even not at all.

———

You swapped so much about each other that night, not just talking but learning. He finally opened up wholly when he wouldn’t look at you.

“I wish…” His hands suddenly become very interesting. “I wish I was human, you know? It would just be…” he searches for the word. The word he finds will break him. As he says it, he will cry through his half-hearted smile. You will hold him until you both fall asleep, cradling him to your chest, TV still on.

He looks up with pain and resolve.

“… Easier.”

———

“Y/N!” Mikey slams your sketchbook against the wall searching your eyes for an explanation. For the first time you’d ever heard, your best friend raised his voice. He was pissed.

———

The next morning he woke up embarrassed. He remembered your sweet coo’s and soft-spoken words of comfort from the night before as he took down a wall he never knew he had, for you. He never realized how much he wanted to give you the life you deserve, and just how much he couldn’t actually give you. A certain melancholy took him. He felt so bad as you talked about your life. As far as he knew no one in his family knew anything about you from before they found you, just that you had suffered a great deal and had no one left, but last night? He hadn’t thought about how much had to have happened for you to end up that way. For a moment, you had both bared yourselves, completely.

As these thoughts ran through him, the grogginess of waking up left him. He watched your eyes move behind your eyelids, your mouth open slightly as you breathed through your dreams. He pushes himself up so his full weight isn’t on you and with the loss of heat, you stir. Your sleepy eyes captivate him and he feels like he’s really seeing you. You have no idea. “Morning,” you quietly utter, not wanting to break the peace. Running a hand down your face, you sit upwards slightly. Noticing the vibe rolling off your normally talkative terrapin you sober up and give him a questioning look.

He hovers over you effortlessly, arms holding him up on either side of your hips. He has yet to move his gaze away from you, drinking in your features like a dying man. The only thing he can think of is kissing you until you melt, of running his hands down your waist. Steamy images fog his vision as he disappears in the thought of you. All you see is his expression softening until he closes his eyes with a small sigh.

“Um… Mikey, you good?” This snaps him out of his trance. He’s blushing and burning up but, lucky for him, you don't notice a thing. He coughs.

“Uh, yeah babe,” the nickname that had been used countless times felt heavy on his tongue, “I’m fine, just uh… tired. Do you mind if I…?” He slowly lowers himself back onto your midsection, eyes asking permission.

“Oh yeah sure,” you stammer, concerned. “Go for it.” He snuggles into you further, wrapping himself around your stomach and breathing in your smell, suddenly feeling like a brand new person.

———

When you don’t say anything for a few seconds he storms off, taking your sketchbook with him. You yell a helpless ‘No!’ after him. The room swarms around you and you feel like the floor left without you. The air leaves your lungs and you land on your knees. Soft, wary footsteps pad into your room and pair with your light sobs. Leo reaches down and wraps you up in his arms rubbing your back, speaking calming words, soothing you.

You can faintly hear Raph yelling after Mikey but as your own sobs wrack your body you lose all concentration on them and instead melt into Leo. He picks you up, carries you to your bed and lays you down. He hesitates, wanting to ask about what just happened but not wanting to push your already fragile state.

(THERE WILL BE A PART 2 :D )

Tags: @another-tmnt-writer @darkumbreon9