#see rambling helps me work my brain out sometimes. hi. okay. i'm going to go to sleep. and tomorrow inshaallah my session will be great :D

[a-passing-storm]

I don't want to sleep because I have a D&D session early in the morning and it's Too Soon!!! It's like when I don't want to sleep the day before a test.

[ja3hwa]

𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 | 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐧

【Synopsis】 : After the couple of nights teasing and testing the waters. San finally makes a plan to corrupt your sweet mind once and for all.

『Word count』 : 2.27k

-> Genre: Smut. Fluff. 

Paring: Idol!San x Female!Reader 

[Warnings] : Cursing. Cyberpunk outfit san (yes, this is a warning) some insecure thoughts. Dirty talk. Foreplay. Kinda shy reader. Virgin reader. Corruption kink. Pet names. Fingering (f receiving). Unprotected sex. (Dont do that).

Note : Thank you for the requester from Wattpad for this. They asked for a part two to my bend fic with a cyberpunk outfit twist... So I hope you enjoy it. Also, I'm trying out a knew layout, so ignore me, hehe.

Masterlist | Navigation | Part One

Frustration and fear would be the only things to describe your emotions right now. After the little sexual activities San and You had performed four nights ago, you couldn’t help but play it in detail over and over in your mind. You wanted, needed, fuck, you craved it. you were going to go insane if you didn’t have another taste of San. And he was not helping, sending you not so safe for work texts or sending photos of his very sexy stage outfits for his performances he and his members have been doing since the comeback happened. What is worse about seeing your boyfriend in such gorgeous outfits is that you are unable to touch him in them. Once he is home, he is already washed up, make up free and outfit gone.

You couldn’t lie when you said you had fantasies of San fucking the living day lights out of you in one of the outfits, especially the Cyberpunk ones. The black crop top, black straps and fake Anarchy symbol tattoo that was displayed on your boyfriends lower tummy. You needed him so badly. But then the shyness comes in, you couldn’t possibly tell him what you wanted. Tell him how much you wanted to feel his cock poun―

“Darling. You awake?” San’s sweet voice echoed through the house, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“In here...” You couldn’t say anything else as you voice cracked. You could feel your heart beat in your ears and your legs wobbled as you tried to walk over to the door of your bedroom. San had turned you on that much, you felt embarrassed that you were that weak for him.

“Hey my baby. Why are you in here?” His voice was drowned out by the fuzziness in your brain suddenly turning up, ten-fold. He was in one of his stage outfits, more specifically, cyberpunk one. Oh no this is not going to end well..

“S-Sannie, w-hy are you wearing that?” You completely disregarded his question, asking one of your own instead. San tilted his head in innocence, looking down at himself before letting out a small chuckle follow by his classic feline smile.

“oh this? Yeah, I have to wear this outfit tomorrow for a photo shoot. So I made a suggestion that I wear it home since I need to tomorrow. It also saves the stylist in trying to find it later.” His ramble did not help the heat growing in your stomach. His voice was so low and raspy from singing all day. You can even see a little form of sweat coating him from the performances. He was a Greek god amongst men. And he was yours.

“Are you okay baby? You keep going quiet?” He took a step forward become only a couple centimeters from your trembling body. Sometimes you think you are living in a dream, how could someone like San be with you? He was sculpted like a porcelain statue and aging like a fine vintage wine. You were plan, normal. Nothing special. How could you end up together.

“Earth to y/n. Come in Darling?” He shook his hands in front of your blushed red face. You finally looked up to him, seeing how close his face was to yours. “Are you okay?” He asked again, rubbing his hand along your frame until it found place against your hip.

“I…Yeah. I’m fine. I’m sorry.” You apologize for acting weird, but San kisses your forehead in protest, saying there was nothing to be sorry for. You hugged him for a moment, taking in his presence, making you feel better.

“So what do you think? I remember you like my outfits. But wasn’t this one like the second or fifth on your list?” His question made you gulp as you sat down on the edge of the bed, fearing you’d fall if you kept standing. He did a little twirl for you, stretching his arms up so he could show off the fit. He knew what he was doing. He knew this was your favourite stage fit, but he wanted to hear it from you directly. He needed to get praise from you. It was like a drug, and he craved it.

“Actually it’s my favourite outfit.” You whispered, biting your nails slightly while you unknowingly checked him out. He pretended as if he didn’t know with a little ‘oh’ slipping off his tongue.

“I have the fake―” He pulled the crop top up slightly so the tattoo could be put on full display. “You want to touch it?” His words came out desperately, making your eyes widen. You nodded like an idiot, watching your boyfriend walk closer to you so he could stand in between your legs. You were eye level with the fake tattoo, letting your fingers graze over it. His abs tensed at the feeling, a tingle in his gut growing.

“It looks so good on you.” You said without thinking.

“Yeah? That’s what you’re thinking?” His teasing nature erupted with the hint of greed. Call him weak, but if he had to, he would get on his knees and beg for you to praise him. Maybe he's got a praise kink, but that was a conversation he didn’t want to have. Not right now, anyway. Even though your brain was fuzzy, you could see the way San’s eyes sparkled when you spoke about him. You weren't as innocent as he thought. You might not know what to do in sexual situations, but to heck, if you didn’t know how to read a person. Especially San.

“I think the whole outfit looks good on you.” You spoke with a little more confidence, gripping the hem of his crop top tugging it, in hopes he got the hint. “You also look good if you have nothing on.”

It was like a switch went off in his mind. You, his innocent―well so he thought―partner basically asking him to take his clothes off. He sent you a devilish smirk, slowly guiding his hands up to the clips of his straps. You gulp feeling instant embarrassment from your statement.

“Is this what you wanted, baby? Wanted to see me naked?” His deep voice made your head dizzy, tucking your face in your hand to hide the blush that surely painted your face the moment he walked into the room. He shook the straps off, watching you intensely at your reaction of shyness. He lived to see the corruption fill your senses, so once he threw his straps somewhere in the room, he pounced. His lips latched to yours, making your head spin. His hand gripped the back of your neck to pull out closer. His knee pushed up against the bed, in between your legs, letting you grind slightly on his thick thigh.

“San…” you moan straight into his mouth, making him groan in response. His free hand that was found perched on your hip glided slowly towards your ache between your legs. His long fingers were quick to wrap around the small flimsy fabric known as you sleep shorts before pulling them off in one motion. You showed no fear, letting him grab your panties straight after so he could pull them off the same way. His lips never left yours through this whole moment, wanting to pamper you before he had his way.

“Pretty.” A word slipped off his tongue, making his mouth leave yours so it could latch on your jaw, then your neck. Sucking and biting at your hot flesh. You never felt such excitement, and you begin to crave it the more you feel your boyfriend’s tongue dancing on you.

As if he understood what your thoughts were saying, his brought on hand to the inner part of your left thigh. Finger tips dangerously close your soaked pussy. You whined, body trashing slightly as if it has a mind of it’s own. Like a primal instinct has taken over. You moan out his name twice, or was it four? You sounded like a broken record and San hadn't even touched you that much.

“My perfect baby. You sound so nice when you beg. But begging isn’t needed tonight. I’ll give you whatever you want…” His lips place kisses on your exposed stomach, sending chills down your spine. “…that’s if you tell me what you want. Come on, tell me, and it's yours. What do you want.”

You choked out another whimper, knowing San was going to pull something like this. He needed you to tell him exactly what you wanted. He needed to hear the filthy words leave your lips. He needed to know every detail that you fantisise in your pretty little head. “San…”

“What’s it baby? What do you need?”

“I want…” He sat completely up, moving back up so he was face to face with you so he could see your eyes flutter with the shyness as they slowly slipped into corruption. “I want you to fuck me. Please, make me feel good.”

“Fuck…” He groans, never seeing something as gorgeous as you asking him to rail you. He had surely died and gone to heaven. “Detail, what exactly do you want?” he needed more…

“I want you to fuck me with your outfit on.”

More…

“I want to feel you deep inside me.”

More…

“Please San if you don’t stick your cock inside me I’m going to scream.”

His brain short circuited, his hands and body moving like they were born to play with you. Stripping you from your pj’s entirely, his mouth latched on your hard nipple while his fingers slipped into your soaking hole with ease. He pumped quickly, bringing his thumb to your sensitive bud, circling it. Your hands fly to grip his shoulders, nails digging into the harsh fabric. Your head flew back, choking out his name over and name. His pace became faster, tilting his hand up so he could sink his fingers deeper inside you, pulling your orgasm closer within the seconds. “San I think I’m gonna…”

“let go for me, baby. I wanna feel you tighten around my fingers.” His dirty words tipped you over the edge, seeing white spots cloud your vision as you convulsed under him. You’ve never felt such an intense orgasm before in your life, feeling like you could walk through fire and not get burned. Once your high came down, he pulled out his soaked fingers slowly before taking them in his mouth, tasting your sweet juices. You panted, letting out a little whine while you watched your boyfriend.

“You ready for more?” His voice was deep, gravelled, but it was laced with love. One side of his brain was screaming, aching to pound you and fuck you into next week until you see stars or pass out, but the other side wanted to make sure your first time was comfortable. He needed to show you how fun sex can be, how loving it can be. And besides, he has all the time in the world to corrupt you.

“Yes…” you whispered, snaking your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. A smirk crept on his lips while they connected to yours, hand snaking down to grip the base of his cock so he could trail his tip along your folds. You took a large inhale, feeling a sense of excitement and worry. It was finally happening, you were finally going to go all the way. His tip slipped slightly into your enterance, making you wiggle in anticapation.

His dark chuckle that erupted from his chest made you roll you hips without thinking, feeling more of his cock slip inside. He took this as a green light, bottoming you out until you can feel his balls hit againsts your ass. Your nails dig into his shoulders feeling the painful sensation soon fade away into pure blissful pleasure. His thrusts started off slow, his hand snaked around your thigh pulling you closer. His lips felt yours and you tried to chase them―which made him laugh lightly―. He sat up pulling a pillow from beside you so he could place it under your hips. You watched him with curiousity, as he basically fluffed it before placing you onto the said folded pillow.

“Comfy.” His cheeky voice made your heart flutter as you replied with a small yes, following with a giggle. His hand pulled your legs to wrap around his waist, instructing you to lock them against him, which you did gladly. Your eyes gazed over his body from head to toe. Your eyes met the sight where your bodies were connected, and you couldn’t help but clench around him. “Like what you see, Doll?”

You bring your hands up to cover your face, groaning at him just freely being dirty in what seemed like a tender moment. He let out a chuckle at your reaction, leaning down you kiss between your breasts in order to distract you. His hands grip your hips, pulling you closer. His thrusts started to pick up again, making you seemingly forget about your embarrassment. Grunts escaped San’s lips, losing himself for a moment with your velvet walls tightening around him. “Does that feel good?” He smugly asked.

“Y-yes.” You panted, your chest heaving as yours nails dig lightly into his biceps.

“Good...” He suddenly fell to lay on his back, bringing you along with him. His head almost hangs off the bed, as he plants his feet behind you, bringing his knees up behind your back “Then ride me, baby.”

A whimper escaped your mouth as you slid back onto him with ease. You slide your hands down his chest, over his flat abs, feeling how they contracted under your touch. You started moving, finding the right rhythm, completely pushing away the shyness you felt before. You threw back your head, supporting yourself onto his thighs as you lose yourself in the moment of oure bliss. His hands gripped your hips, bucking his hips into you harder.

He sat up, his fingers digging harder in your flesh, bouncing you on his cock faster. He grunts against your throat, enveloping you in his arms, so he could hold you close as you wrap your arms around his neck, twisting your fingers in his hair. He knew he wouldn’t last much longer, so he needed to make sure he could let you cum before him. Few more thrusts and your body shakes in pleasure, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your walls flutter around him, triggering his release as he spills inside you with a muffled grunt lightly biting your shoulder.

“Perfect” He smiles, breathing against your heated skin, his fingers lazily running up and down your back. Tangling his fingers in your hair, finding your lips, he kissed you passionatly...

- ♡

[majorproblems77]

Alrighty Linked maze fans I hope you're ready, part 1 of 3 for catch-up analysis!

So our good friend Frulleboi has been absolutely cooking with these update's with three in quick succession and I am loving it cause I love it and is great.

This is for the beginning of the Soul Stone chapter. Soul stone part 1.

Now a link to the comic page can be found Here. Please go give it some love :D

For the important stuff!

Linked Maze belongs to @linked-maze and its wonderful creator @frulleboi. (You should follow them, they are wonderful) And as a heads up, Linked maze is for more mature audiences! :)

As usual, you know the drill, Grab some water, Grab some popcorn and prepare for me to ramble at you for however long it is!

Here we go!

Half an hour? So all the areas around with the environment that I spotted before won't help me for the moment?

Ohhhhhh boy

(I've got my eye on this)

Four... Four please.

Like wolfy has a good reason he is preoccupied but like you can just turn around for like 1 moment.

Wolfy really is the real mvp of this little team, he out here doing work! We love him.

Guarantee that the team will fall apart without the wolf who goes 90% of the work and has 90% of the team's brain cells.

"It was at this moment, he discovered..."

This panel made me laugh because of Four's shadow.

The disappointed look on his face, I think the shadow is literally me inside of this universe sometimes. He Craves chaos but also is just like 'Four what are you doing?' at every available opportunity.

Nooooooooo, Whatever do you mean four? God I love him.

And wolfy here is just like, 'My man can't you see I am busy I can't do everything.'

(Me taking notes of this tree on the left here. 3 branches, thin band and a thick area... thinking it's going to be a major landmark)

Then all of a sudden.

Hold up, I recognise this.(I think)

[TANGENT TIME]

I'm probably looking WAY TO far into this as we dont know how this maze works but)

This area here.

A thin band/wall with a larger area and moss on the wall looks KINDA Like the area where Sky meets Wild from back in Waking up PT5.

I know there's some differences between the grass and the tree, but the tree could be off-frame.

I'm not saying that Four (His looks like a newer version of the one we see here) is now in the same area as these guys, but I'm thinking he might be getting close to that region of the world map.

This could also be a clue as to how the maze works. Each region could look near on identical in layout while feeling so much different because of the changes in the environment. (New vs old walls, Tree's VS rock etc)

I feel like I need to get a pen and paper to explain this better, let me know if I do and I will do that.

While it might not be the exact same location, I think there might be more hints as to these guys being the ones we get the group up with next.

Moving on.

Oh man, again with Shadow this man just looks so disappointed with four i love him.

He's like, Are you for real?

There are so many thoughts going through his head. But I think these two do the work for me.

"My friend! Is he okay!" And thennnnn "Oh god im alone with Four"

Wolfy's facial expressions are top-tier in these updates and I love him sm okay.

Short and sweet. But it works either way!

Thanks for hanging out with me on this one, Hope to see you again soon when we hit the next one! :D

Have a great day!

[fallenclan]

Ospreyswipe was practicing mindfulness. It was something Owlscreech had taught him.

Even as an apprentice, Ospreyswipe was always wandering off or getting lost in his own head. Skyfrost was pretty understanding, but sometimes even his patience would be tested.

So Ospreyswipe listened, and watched.

("If you're feeling anxious-"

"But I don't feel anxious! I just feel. . . distracted."

"Well, this might help you anyway.")

Across the clearing, Owlscreech was speaking in low tones with Waspflight. Waspflight looked agitated. It was then that Ospreyswipe realized he didn't really know any of his older siblings very well. Even Owlscreech, who he'd been talking to more lately, was more a distant relative than older sister to him.

Best look somewhere else. Ospreyswipe glanced around. What else could he see? A beetle, crawling lazily near his paws. Shrewkit wrestling with Foxkit, Brackenkit watching with wide eyes. Salmonskip cheering on her kits and giving them fighting tips. Hawkwish bringing a fresh bundle of ptarmigan feathers to the elders' den. Eaglestripe eyeing Thistleskip with something close to measured consideration as the she-cat rambled about something or other. Rustbee chatting with Bub and Mossfrog while the three shared prey. Willowsplash approaching him. Pebblefreeze harassing Cherrydust. Yewberry--

Wait. Was Ospreyswipe supposed to be counting the things he could see? And wasn't there something about things he could hear, too? The tom let out a frustrated gust of breath. Perhaps he'd have to go ask Owlscreech to explain mindfulness to him again, after she was done speaking with Waspflight.

"Ospreyswipe?" Willowsplash had parked herself directly in Ospreyswipe's line of vision. Had he noticed her coming?

"Hi." Ospreyswipe smiled politely.

"Mudsplash mentioned you've been having trouble focusing."

"Did she?" Ospreyswipe felt as though he should feel annoyance, but he only felt a vague sort of curiousity. Had Owlscreech been discussing him with the senior mediator?

"Yeah. Y'know, I used to have a lot of trouble paying attention to things, too. I'd always get lost in my own thoughts." Willowsplash seemed to hesitate before continuing. "Bub encouraged me to talk to Mudsplash about it. Eventually, I did."

"Oh?" What was Ospreyswipe supposed to say? How did Russetflare and Juniperfoot always know the correct words to speak?

"Yeah. She helped me realize that a part of the reason I was so. . . vacant sometimes was because I hadn't really processed my kithood." Ospreyswipe squinted. "I lost three of my siblings when I was very little. It really shook my parents. The whole clan was really tense while I was growing up. I guess it affected me more than I thought it did."

"Okay." Wait. Should I tell her I'm sorry? "I'm sorry that happened to you."

Willowsplash shot him an odd look. "What I'm saying is, perhaps the war with ShallowClan had a bigger effect on your childhood than you thought. Or even being cooped up in the medicine den after your osprey attack."

Ospreyswipe bristled, alarmed. "What? No. I just. . . get distracted sometimes. There isn't some reason behind it. It just happens."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know," Ospreyswipe snapped, then grew surprised at his own irritation. He didn't want to talk about this with Willowsplash.

"Is there someone you can talk to about this?"

Ospreyswipe felt his breath catch. Had he said that last part aloud? Why was he so scatter-brained? "I'm not sure."

"Maybe Sorrelstem? Or Teddyfluff?"

"No." Ospreyswipe cringed at the thought. Sorrelstem loved him dearly, but she didn't really understand him. Teddyfluff would listen sympathetically, comfort him, and yet. . . I don't want to burden him with my problems. He has enough going on in his life right now.

"What about your littermates?"

"No!" Ospreyswipe felt his heart flutter with horror at the mere idea.

"Okay, well. . . if talking to the mediators didn't really work. . . how about a medicine cat?"

Ospreyswipe's face lit up. A medicine cat! That's perfect. "I'll talk to Feathersight."

Willowsplash purred. "See? I was sure there's someone in FallenClan you can talk to. We certainly have enough cats. . . even more, soon."

"Yeah." Ospreyswipe had already gotten to his paws, nearly squashing the beetle he had briefly observed earlier. Sorry, little friend. "Thanks for talking to me, Willowsplash."

"Of course." The she-cat purred, gaze gleaming with delight. Clearly, she was proud to have had an impact, however small, on Ospreyswipe. It made a pang of fondness tug at his heart. Whatever was going on in his life, he would always appreciate being a part of FallenClan. Every cat was always so supportive and welcoming.

...

Later that day, Willowsplash padded past the medicine den. Casually. She wasn't trying to eavesdrop, per se. She just wanted to check up on Ospreyswipe. Willowsplash couldn't help but worry about the young tom.

Peeking into the sheltered den, the grey-and-white warrior caught a glimpse of Ospreyswipe and Feathersight. The two toms were giggling softly, murmuring back and forth. It seems their conversation had gone well, or as well as it could.

Satisified, Willowsplash took a step back, trotting away from the den. She had promised to go fishing with Sleepycloud and Ivybounce later, and she didn't want to be late for that.

Maybe one day, she'd invite Ospreyswipe to come with, too.

For now, Willowsplash was content to bound over to her brother and his mate, delighted when she noticed Bub had joined them.

In her heart, Willowsplash knew it was going to be a good day.

-🐉

(if anyone wants to write a fic about osprey and feather's convo in the med den, i'd love to see it! otherwise, have an osprey fic <3

i have plans to write a boulderstep fic soon as well!)

AAAAA DRAGON ANON!!!!!!!! your fics always make me so happy,,, the little slice of life is SO GOOD. i like the idea of Willowsplash and Ospreyswipe being sort-of friends. and i love the little sprinkle of Osprey and Feather being good friends (or perhaps more... ?)

[canis-dentem]

how/when did you know you were a therian? like- when did you make the connection; how did you know you were caninekin specifically?

I’m tryna figure stuff out for myself and don’t know where to start. I don’t think I’m a therian, but I’ve always done some kind of animal-ish things (used to have the urge to hiss/snarl/snap when due to annoyance when I was younger, I have the urge to make creature noises pretty often, sometimes my mental image of myself when doing something feels more different, like. tall and elegant?? like sometimes when I turn my head I like. imagine/feel kind of a sloping neck and longer face/muzzle and limbs, canine-y (imagine a maned wolf/african wild dog/other canine) I don’t know how to explain it— but I’m not sure if the noises and biting are some kind of stimming due to my ADHD or not). I also heard the term “otherhearted” as having a deep connection with something, which. mmmmaybe me? so I’m gonna look into that.

anyways woah I rambled a lot more than I intended to but. yeah! I just wanna know what others’ experiences are like so I can see if mine relate to them lol

hi anon!!

tbh, i only awakened of around march of this year. i had never entered therian or otherkin circles, although i knew about it. one of my friends telling me star was a feline otherkin was what got me thinking like.... oh, that's a thing we can do? it happened to me with being trans, too, LOL--it didn't click for me that i could be something until someone close to me was.

what got me thinking was my brain kept saying "ugh i wanna be otherkin. that'd be so cool" and then i looked back on things i've done my whole life and like. oh that was a wolf thing. oh that's a dog thing. oh huh. it has been here. something that helped me when i was researching being autistic/having adhd was i kept a list of my symptoms as i noticed them, so i did that for being a therian. i have my little list of canine "symptoms" that i either notice myself doing or have remembered doing, some of which include feeling the urge to chew a lot, feeling longer canine teeth/wanting longer canine teeth, the urge to bare my teeth and growl when angry, always playing the worgen race in world of warcraft, among others. some of these (like baring my teeth/growling) were things i taught myself not to do bc "it wasn't normal." (i connect that to the 17 years of autism masking i did, so much so that i didn't know i was autistic and nobody around me did either.)

about stimming: me feeling the urge to chew is a stim. it is also connected to me being caninekin. it can be both!! stimming doesn't cancel out being a therian. plus, for me at least, i dont think i'd be otherkin if i wasnt autistic. you only mentioned adhd, not autism, but keep in mind that neurodivergency can and does often interact with alterhumanity.

i don't typically label my alterhumanity as spiritual (as in past-life) or phsycological, because honestly, i don't really care to know. i have it, and that's what matters to me. but being otherkin does overlap with my spirituality in the sense that i feel some yet unexplained connection with the woods. i always have. it makes sense to connect that to being otherkin, even if that's not the only explanation for it.

you can absolutely consider yourself otherhearted, if that makes sense for you! my suggestion? don't worry too much about the label. the word isn't actually super important. there's a big emphasis in this community on figuring out the specific type of animal you are, the specific type of otherkin (or -hearted etc) you are, where it comes from, etc. i don't think that's worth stressing yourself out about, not at all. if it works for you, it works for you--by all means, go ahead. if the process of finding a really specific 'type or word to call yourself brings you meaning and fulfills you, please do it!! i'm all for it. but if it stresses you out to figure out the finer details, let them go. it's okay. in my opinion, the biggest question is not "am i really a therian?" and instead, is, "does it make sense/bring me joy/fulfill me to connect myself to an animal?" if it does, move on from there.

good luck, anon! sending all my love to you. feel free to send any updates about your experience, if you wish to! i hope ur having a wonderful day <3

[lyssified]

HEY GUYS HERE'S PART 2 OF THE HEMINGWAY RANT ! ask and you shall recieve :)

you can read part 1 HERE and also read the trigger warnings there before you start, this one also has a lot of war trauma talk nothing too bad though

people that read the first one and I think wanted to be tagged in part 2: @mister3127 @crayonssmellgood @mack-anthology-of-noise @vampireboywife

okay welcome back to episode 2 of why the fuck am I hooked on the life of an american writer from the 1930s. so I have a couple more interesting facts about him because tbh this man was insane :D

so let's do a little compare and contrast game. hemingway grew up in the great lakes area and enjoyed big game hunting, solo fishing trips, had a father who was a doctor locally famous for performing c-sections whom he worshipped, was injured passing out cigarettes and chocolate to Italian soldiers in WW1, and spent time recovering in Milan

hemingway's most famous short stories are his Nick Adams stories. he created this character that he called Nick Adams and wrote stories about Nick's entire life. here are some things about nick: he grew up in the great lakes area and enjoyed big game hunting, solo fishing trips, had a father who was a doctor locally famous for performing c-sections whom he worshipped, was injured passing out cigarettes and chocolate to Italian soldiers in WW1, and spent time recovering in Milan. are we seeing the similarities???

so Hemingway was out here basically writing self insert war fic. most critiques will tell you that he based Nick Adams on himself, but they fail to tell you to what extent. like the similarities are INSANE. Nick Adams was literally Hemingway as a book character. and he very obviously wrote these stories as a coping mechanism for his war ptsd. the stories are often extremely plotless and sometimes rambling- you can tell it's just an expression of his brain to the point where while reading some of his work, my only thought was literally "go to therapy. talk this out with someone." like it might not help but also it might because some of these stories are insane.

the ones that I think best demonstrates this are "a way you'll never be" and "now I lay me," which you can read in THIS PDF, just ctrl+f for the titles. a way you'll never be is about Nick Adams being sent out to the front lines of Italy in American uniform to spread morale. he also has a head injury and also some mental issues and ends up going on a rant about grasshoppers to all the soldiers (because grasshoppers are significant in his childhood of fishing and whatnot) and just generally while you read it you can tell it was written by someone extremely mentally ill to the point where it's like. hard to read. "now I lay me" is a similar idea except this one is mainly about how Hemingway, for much of his life, could not sleep without another person in the room or a light on because he would get horrible nightmares. this one is pretty hard to read as well, and there's some dialogue at the end that makes very little sense out of context of the other Nick Adams stories.

essentially reading Nick Adams stories is like weaving a huge web of plot points and similarities of hemingway's life, and along the way you start learning the significance of things like trout and grasshoppers and the different representations of trauma and it all comes together in a huge pile of what the fuck did I just read please talk to someone about this, I am concerned and this seems really unhealthy. and also the wildest part is he literally did this, published these nick Adams stories, and people ATE THEM UP. they were like yesss hemingway another banger plotless ramble about war traumaaa!!! like people ATE UP his work. and even to this day I don't see anyone talking about how insane it was that he literally did this. someone please tell me i'm right about this I feel like a crazy person.

anyway on a happier note, to end part 2 I would love to tell my favourite Hemingway story.

so if you're familiar with f. Scott Fitzgerald (the guy who wrote great Gatsby), you might be surprised to learn that him and hemingway had a kind of love/hate/friends/kind of homoerotic but Hemingway was homophobic (read the Mother of a queen) relationship. they used to write letters to eachother and edit each other's work !! Hemingway once sent a draft of a story to F. Scott and F. Scott sent back 10 pages of edits. Hemingway sent a letter back that only said "kiss my ass." Hemingway also wrote a really sweet letter to F. Scott at one point that you can read HERE in which he wrote "you are twice as good now as you were at the time you think you were so marvellous," and also "anyway I’m damned fond of you" and then signed it "always your friend." which was cute. Hemingway also like. DESPISED f scott's wife with a passion. do with that what you will.

anyway here's the interesting part !! this is a pretty famous story that Hemingway wrote about later after it happened. so this one time hemingway and f. scott were having dinner in Paris and F. Scott expressed his concern that his dick was too small. so Hemingway said hey, come to the bathroom and we'll compare dick sizes don't worry. and then they did. and hemingway's response was "you're perfectly fine". so uh. here's some articles about that one time F. Scott Fizgerald and Ernest Hemingway compared dick sizes in a Paris bathroom...... 1 2

and YEAH !! thank you for reading part 2 of my insane Hemingway rants!!! hope yall learned something !!!

here's my list of recs of Hemingway stories if you're interested and want to read some of his shit, again all of them can be found HERE

so the 2 most entertaining reads are "the short happy life of francis macomber" and "the undefeated", those have the most plot, if you read short happy life please hmu send me an ask and tell me if you think margot was guilty or innocent

some concerning nick adams stories: "in another country", "a way you'll never be", "now i lay me", "big two-hearted river" parts 1 and 2

i wrote an essay on this one, it has some homophobic undertones: "the mother of a queen"

and finally my personal fave "a clean well-lighted place"

[jackals-ships]

JACKAL I must apologize I was like I WILL GO CHECK F/O LIST because I am not 100% sure which bot you ship with (<- did not care about robots until suddenly I cared A LOT) though I thiiink it's Megatron bUT sorry if I'm wrong fkdjashkj BUT BEARING IN MIND I HAVEN'T FINISHED S1...I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SHIP(S) 👀 and perhaps read fic at some point if you are able to find it @goldenworldsabound

(<- did not care about robots until suddenly I cared A LOT) IS AN ENTIRE MOOD THO HFKF tfp is like some sleeper cell activation code i SWEAR,,, + ur all good !! i gotta fiddle w my f/o list a lil and then repost it bc i kept meaning to make minor changes an then forgor,

BUT ANYWAYS YES !!! he's also, hilariously, one of the f/os i have a physical lil guy of despite being not on my radar as long as like garrus hf

also a read more bc i woke up Rambly today <3

he gets to sit with the ponies :} bc he canonically likes mlp at least according to the lil ask Megatron bit + there was a whole comics crossover (2 I think actually?)

breakdown + knockout are also My Besties they started out as like kinda baby crushes <- local aro can't tell the difference between Feelings even in fiction more at 11 [lighthearted] before megs came for my braincell with the fuckin. steel chair HFJ so seeing you go 👀🥰 at knocks i was like FUCK YEAH LETS GOO !!! im dropping into his work station from the ships vents like oooo someone's got a cruuuuush ooooo you wanna be all (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）don't u knocks- (jackal is once again banned from the nemesis)

okay okay but; i rlly only have one fic Finished and luckily had the foresight to post it to AO3. it's a lil older so not totally in character + canon but still silly and cute hjfkd

NOW GETTING INTO MY RED STRING TERRITORY-

when i get into something with a lot of continuities i tend to kinda? squish em together? or take bits and pieces going >:3 my city now, so the jackal x megatron ship is Primarily TFP but ive also absconded with fun movie details (like megs being i think it was 30? 40 ft tall? Fuck Huge,,,,) and also bits of comics lore/designs (holomatter is an interesting concept and im chewing on Meg's as we speak. gnawing on his arm even-)

but regardless this ship is totally my Slice Of Life Comedy Hour Chill LoFi Beats type of ship HKF like im a sucker for darker stuff higher stakes but i think this one has 0 stakes

like. like jackal and megatron literally met because jackal enjoys long walks on the beach exploring places Away from the city and Generally Away From Ppl to just sorta vibe. and ofc the normal thing to do when coming across a Definitely Alien And If Not Alien Then Like Secret Government Ship is to walk away. NOT wander ur happy lil ass inside like :0 yooooo what do These buttons do

and then when you get kicked out instead of getting squished like the bug you shouldn't come back via the air vents. again. and again and again and AGAIN and AG- until the local alien warlord gives in and is like "yeah okay this is my life now ig???" (soundwave was totally helping them btw. he likes drama 😌 and also has his own human hi adri so he can't say shit-) (also I've never decided on the Actual number of times they break it, in my brain it keeps slowly going up jus bc I find the concept SO funny. pov you're an alien warlord worried you got alien rodents and oh no NVM it's the human again. FUCK-)

it's absolutely the slowest burn too bc Meg's Refuses to admit that he has a crush on the weird squishy thing that keeps breaking in (until he's decided they're dating. and doesn't bother mentioning this) while jackals just 🥰 hehehoho big robot friend who calls me scraplet and sweetspark and sometimes puppy 🥰🥰🥰 also threatened to kill any mech who was mean to me 🤔🤔 weird. aaanyways

THERE'S ALSO a running joke in my head of that "what do you have?" "A KNIFE" "NO-" but it's jackal running off with energon bc you can't SHOW ME a cool liquid and have me NOT want to drink it !! Just a sippy. jus a lil- we'll have the hospital on speed dial pleeeeaaaase-😭

anyways tldr jackal megatron is "I'm not trapped with him he's trapped with me yaaaay :D" and "robot google; weird fuzzy feeling in spark?? how to remove weird fuzzy feeling?? robot google human exterminator near me-"

[queenofthedisneyverse]

Camiro ship hc's

I couldn't come up with a fic so I made HC's instead

It took Camilo months to hype himself up and court Hiro. Yes, Camilo was confident and conceded, but when it came to Hiro all that confidence flew out the window.

Hiro was just so smart, funny, goofy, and just so amazingly cool & awesome (his words, not mine). How could Camilo's heart not instantly flutter, and his mind turn to goop once he saw him?

His family and friends knew all about Hiro of course, he would never shut up about him.

"And you should just see how he lights up when he talks about those weird inventions of his."

"OH- I just learned that he has a sweet tooth and loves Natilla! Also, Tia Julieta, my dearest Tia, I have a favor to ask of you-"

"Did any of you see his tooth gap or just the way he smiles? He could quite literally replace the sun with it"

"Did you know Hiro's aunt Kess owns/owned a bakery in Sanfrantokyo? Do you think we could maybe...go there sometime?"

"Hiro just-"

"Hey, Hiro invited-"

Isabela, "Camilo, if you mention him one more time, I'm gonna throw YOU AND HIM into the sun!"

Yeah, everyone knows a lot about Hiro at this point.

All of the ramblings remind Bruno and Julieta of how Pepa used to be about Felix. Just the never-ending talk of how he was so great one way or another.

Pepa & Felix find it absolutely adorable that Camilo has found someone to fuss over. They always asked when he would invite him over, but Camilo always had some excuse as to why he couldn't come.

Dolores listened out on their conversations, her own way of telling whether Hiro was right for her hermano. She listened enough to hear that there was some romance between them and that Hiro is a genuinely sweet kid.

Isabela teased him about it of course, why wouldn't she? She called him a "scaredy cat" or a "chicken" for not asking Hiro out yet. Nothing too harsh but just enough to annoy Camilo.

"You should just ask him out already, the worst he could say is no!"

"The worst he could do is not be my best friend anymore!"

The whole family (besides Mirabel, Antonio, and Bruno) pitched in with some dating advice. In hopes to give Camilo the confidence he needed to go through with it...and a small desperate attempt to stop hearing Camilo ramble on & on about him.

After a few weeks of hyping him up, Camilo finally did it. But not in the way everyone expected him to.

Here's how it played out:

Camilo confidently walked up to Hiro, who was talking with Mirabel at the moment. Was she there to help by stalling Hiro? You decide that for yourself.

A bouquet of blue & red hibiscus flowers in his hand, thanks to Isa. Milo gently tapped a finger on Hiro's shoulder to get his attention.

Hiro turned around and when he saw Camilo, he instantly smiled, "Oh, hey milo. What's up?"

That smile, that signature smile that made Camilo's heart jump out of his chest. And in an instant, Camilo's mind melted like a Paleta in the summer heat.

"I...I um...I uh...you uh..I um.." Camilo stuttered as he attempted to think of words to say. But there were no words in his brain, only Hiro. Unfortunately, that's when his body decided to work against him, and he unknowingly shifted into the boy in front of him.

Mirabel faced palmed in secondhand embarrassment & annoyance. He had one job.

Hiro was a little stunned but chuckled at Camilo's antics, "You okay? You don't quite look like yourself"

Camilo looked down at himself and blushed, GREAT! JUST GREAT! This was embarrassing. He had one chance and yet he managed to screw it all up.

But...No! NO! NO! NO!

This was his only chance...he couldn't screw it up. Not entirely anyway. So, in a feeble attempt to save this. He held up the blue and red hibiscus flowers...directly in Hiro's face.

"PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!!!"

Yeah, and that's how that happened. Of course, Dolores spilled the beans, as did Mirabel about that whole shindig. Pepa and Felix were overjoyed, his tia & tio's were proud of him, and Isabela will never let him live it down.

About 6 months into the relationship, Hiro and his aunt was invited over for dinner.

That was fun to say the least.

@miracles-and-butterflies das all I got.

Also, this song fits them so well.

[zimithrus1]

Kotetsu and Barnaby for the character ask pls? 💚💚💚

Ohoho the boys! The lads! The bickering buds themselves! 💗 Don't mind if I do~! Thank you so much for the ask @isleofair! 🌟 (Ask list for the curious ❤)

I will start with the wildest of tigers 🐯💚 And since there's two, I'll put this under a read more cut so I don't flood anyone else's dash XD

Kotetsu

Sexuality HC: I'm leaning towards Bi with Demi tendencies for him

Gender HC: Himbo lmao XD

A Ship I Have With Said Character: Obviously Taibani - though a close second is Kotetsu/Tomoe because 🥺😭💗 He loved her so much, gah!

BROTP: Kotetsu and Antonio, like, they already go way back, to high school if I remember correctly. They always go out for drinks together and they always just seem to have a good chill time together 🌟

NOTP: Karina and Kotetsu. Like, I can see the appeal but i just do not vibe with it lol Like she's 16 in the beginning of season 1, and Kotetsu is like, 35? Like he is almost/practically old enough to be her dad. It's not the age gap I have a problem with really, it's mainly more that I kind of think of my dad when I see Kotetsu? Like, my dad and him share the same birthday and they both act goofy, aren't always around for their kid but try their best? I can't help but kind of think of my dad sometimes when I think of Kotetsu so, thinking of Karina x Kotetsu it's like 'that would be like if I dated my dad fjdbfkdjb' just can't do it man 😂 Sorry for the ramble there! 😂

Random HC: One of mine I like to ruminate on is Kotetsu accidentally hurting his family members when he was a kid and first developed his NEXT powers. Like, that scene in season 1, during the flashback of the bank robbery? In the sub, the dialogue reads 'I'm not supposed to touch anyone when I'm shining like this', compared to the dub that simply says 'don't come near me' - like, the sub implying he was told to not be near people, to not touch them, and that got my brain going: What if he was told he wasn't allowed to touch anyone because he might have accidentally really hurt a friend/classmate/family member before he had total control? 👀 cough cough Kotetsu's dad perhaps?? cough cough 👀

General Opinion: I love him. He's dorky, funny, earnest, tries too hard, fucks stuff up, but never gives up. Despite his past and hardships he is still a positive person and always sees things through to the end. A type of person I wanna be. 💚 Less formal version: I want to put him in a blender and drink him 😂

Next up, the bun! 🐰❤

Barnaby

Sexuality HC: He gives me Ace/Demi vibes 💜

Gender HC: Pretty boy but not a twink - he can still kick your ass into next week lmao 😆

A Ship I Have With Said Character: Taibani once again - no contender for me XD

BROTP: Barnaby and Mattia - the childhood friends. They catch up and talk about their work and even vent with each other, springing for dinner every now and again. I love the side of Barnaby we get to see when Mattia is around, he seems almost carefree, it's nice. They vibe well together ❤

NOTP: Oh man, I haven't really though of a NOTP for him?? 😅 I guess I wouldn't want to see him put with Maverick, because like, not only did he orchestrate the most traumatic events of Barnaby's life he was also a father figure for him before that. Otherwise, I dunno 😆

Random HC: Speaking of Maverick, I HC that he wiped/altered a lot more of Barnaby's memories than we were shown. Like, thanks to the comic anthology I saw one chapter that kind of made a little point at that and it's stuck with me ever since. Like, if Barnaby ever started to rebel at a younger age then Maverick would alter his memory. Got too close to discovering the truth? Nope, no he didn't, silly boy that was just a bad dream. So much to the point where Barnaby has trouble remembering his past at all and can't help but feel like even his memories aren't his own. Good angsty potential - and potential me and a friend discuss frequently 👌

General Opinion: At first I was like 'okay we got a cocky pretty boy, alright, he seems alright, let's see what he can do' and then the more I watched the show the more I really loved his character. How he always seemed so poised and suave and haughty - like he's confident definitely and he knows it, but also that sensitivity, that raw emotion and anger he displays - it is so incredibly human and realistic what drives him to do what he does and act the way he does. Slowly learning over time that his life has room for more than just revenge. Now I like him just as much as Kotetsu ❤

Wow, I really went deep into some of these answers my goodness! I think I've spent over an hour thinking all these thoughts out!😅 But anyways, thank you so much for the ask isle, I had a blast answering these questions - and even better, you gave me two characters! Double the fun! Thank you so much!! 💗💚💗

[regular-lord-reckoner]

well, what a week this has been !!

our downstairs ac unit and our water heater decided to tear up at the exact same time !!

so, i spent a good chunk of yesterday just cleaning out the space to get the water heater so my mom wouldn't have to do any of it later

that was one good thing about it being 59 degrees down there! the upstairs one still works just fine but like....hot air rises so i even double checked, but yeah, 70 degrees with the fan on and it didn't do a damn thing for the downstairs so

anyway

i got it all cleared out and a plumber is supposed to be on his way now. he had some emergency cases come up but said he still wanted to come check it out.

my dad had told my mom that the water heater was going to go soon, so we kinda figured. i have taken two...very cold showers this week but it's all good. made the pink stay in my hair longer so there's that

had therapy after that but it was a good session so that was nice. she said i was doing better than i was a year ago and i guess i can see that. even a little bit of progress is still progress and even if i'm the only one that sees it

mostly what i've been dealing with is just...exhaustion. with all this wacky thermostat shit there have been so many nights the aux heat has kicked on downstairs and made it insufferable upstairs so i wake up at like 4 am and just can't get back to sleep

i've been working 50 hour weeks pretty much nonstop for months now but i'm trying to at least not get so stressed during the work day, especially when doing chores eats up all my time like it did yesterday

i ended up having to do all the work i was supposed to do yesterday today which ended up taking all day but i just took my time for the most part and tried not to get too overwhelmed for no good reason

good news, though!! i got it all done. i've been trying to help out my mom more since this whole neck/arm situation started a few weeks ago. i hate that she's been in pain for so long and we still don't really have any concrete answers.

her pcp just wanted to talk about other shit besides this injury but she did at least order an mri which i'm going with her to get done tomorrow so hopefully that'll give us some answers or at least figure out what to do next.

she's been able to get some relief but not entirely and it's also been causing her to lose sleep so we're a pretty sad bunch by the end of every week the pair of us but we're pulling through !!

in the mean time, someone did come out earlier about the ac and i think it ended up being something about the compressor? they'll have to order a part so it'll be sometime next week but i think the weather is supposed to get warmer then so if it takes a minute i think we'll be okay because i can then at least run the cool air upstairs and it should be fine downstairs

mom's keeping warm by the fireplace and has a heated blanket as well and she said at night she can run a little heater in her room and it works just fine so we'll be okay with that and i can take more cold showers if need be especially if it does heat up that's no problem

wild how the other day it started out 70 damn degrees and humid as shit and then it rained and dropped down to 40 degrees immediately

can't wait to see what kinda interesting spring weather we're about to have. also can't believe it's already march holy shit

the way i'm perceiving time these days is just completely and utterly fucked so that seems especially unreal to me

alright, i think i've rambled enough for now and i've typed a lot today so i'm going to give my fingers a rest (lol) and just scroll for a while, turn this old brain off as best as i can even though it never goes off completely

hope it's a good weekend for you if you're reading this, even if you have to work or have some other bullshit you don't want to do. try to get some rest somewhere in there and so will i <3

ps: plumber just got here !!

[many-but-one]

TW suicide and self harm mention

Hi! Could you as someone with DID help me better undestand my situation?

I am a singlet but I hear constantly voices in my head that are not my own and I have had hard time trying to understand them. I've been doing so much research of DID to figure out if I could have it but I don't have one childhood trauma but C PTSD from childhood neglect.

I have been able to recognise that one of the voices belong to a young girl who sits alone in a dark room. She only ever says "I want to die. Let me die. Go away. Leave me alone".

Two other voices are just voices without any looks. One of them is a strict and mean caretaker-like person who tells me to mask in public (I have autism) and shouts and screams if I do something wrong / mess up.

The last voice tells me to self harm, cut my limbs off and kill myself.

I don't have an inner world but I can sometimes imagine very vividly the little girl in the dark room and when I was younger I had this place I used to imagine where I am stuck inside a huge cardboard box filled with dust. It was just something that used to reoccur inside my head.

Other than that, I have amnesia only if I'm very tired or stressed out and even then I miss only like 1 hour or less at a time.

Sometimes I dissociate, it used to be regular when I studied (derealization and depersonalization). Now it's like once a week or when I see something triggering from my childhood.

And I only have had the little girl speaking through my mouth. It's like having tics where I can't control myself and she always says "Let me die" or something like that.

Does this sound like a DID to you? Because I don't know how to explain this. I have no idea why I keep hearing those voices. I am seeing a psychiatrist but atm we are trying to get me autism diagnosis.

Heavy sigh.

Okay, anon. I’m sorry it has to be this post that makes me snap, but I’m gonna have to do it to ya. This goes to every anon that does this to OSDDID accounts. I see this absolutely everywhere on a lot of OSDDID folks’ pages, especially the folks who are more “well known” in the tumblr community. (Not saying I’m one of them but I do get these messages very VERY often, and I see them everywhere.)

Anons who are having a mental health issue, please fucking STOP sending anon messages to OSDDID accounts asking “does me doing x, y, z mean that I have DID?” Or “I show all these signs of DID do I have it?” Like. I understand that you’re confused. I understand you need help. But if you are hearing voices telling you to fucking kill yourself, you NEED to see a mental health professional, not ask a rando on tumblr if you have an EXTREMELY COMPLEX DISORDER that can literally takes YEARS to diagnose in someone. Like…I am fully okay with self dx with adequate research. If you think that’s what you have, fucking great. Work on coping skills. If you find out later you don’t have it? Great. Now you can move on and try and figure out what’s going on. I am fully aware not everyone has access to good mental health care. I am aware that mental health specialists are often absolutely fucking shitty.

HOWEVER!

STOP. MESSAGING. RANDOM. TUMBLR. CREATORS. ASKING. IF. YOU. HAVE. A. COMPLEX. DISSOCIATIVE. DISORDER.

Do I make myself clear, anons? This goes to every single one of you. I generally don’t answer and delete a solid 3/4ths of you because half the time your rambling makes absolutely no sense and I’m very sorry but I really don’t care. I don’t know who the hell you are. My brain is split into shards and I’m working on trying to survive the fucking day here. I’m working on how to live without numbing myself to the world. I do not have time to try and join the circle-jerk of validation that y’all want from me.

If you wanna DM me and let me get to know you more, we can discuss things further. With more nuance. We can have an actual discussion. I would absolutely LOVE that. Because maybe I can point you into a direction of good coping skills, good resources, and places to find a sense of community that isn’t tumblr dot com. I’d love to get to know you and help you. But if you come at me in my inbox with anon as your name asking me to validate your experiences with barely a paragraph worth of information, that’s not gonna fucking happen.

What answer are you looking for, anon? Do you want me to say “Yep! Sounds like DID to me!” Because I am not a professional and if I were to be so quick to hand out validation cards because you would feel better if a random tumblr account agreed with you, I doubt that would actually help you in ANY way. Yes, validation feels good and it feels good to be seen and heard but I don’t fucking know you and you’ve given me what sounds like suicidal voices in your head and some possibly inner world activity. I hate to break it to you, but CDDs are a LOT more than just alters and voices and an inner world. It’s basically C-PTSD on steroids and if you don’t show any signs of C-PTSD then you might be looking in the wrong direction. But of course how am I to know that because I don’t know you and you can’t possibly explain your entire life story in a fucking tumblr ask. It sounds like you already know what you’re experiencing, you just explained it very plainly to me. If you have done adequate research and you think you have a CDD, then for the love of god find a professional to work with you and start learning coping skills related to trauma and dissociation.

I am not your therapist. I am not going to give you the validation you seek. If you want a dx, find a therapist that works in trauma and dissociation.

I know this is coming off very aggressive but MAN this is so common and it really needs to fucking stop. ESPECIALLY sending triggering info to a random tumblr user. The “TW suicide and self harm” ain’t gonna do shit. (re: the part where you are talking about voices telling you to cut off your limbs and kill yourself.) I can handle those conversations just fine but not all creators can and it’s fucked that you and all the gazillion anons trauma dumping to random OSDDID tumblr users think that this is just okay?? The AUDACITY my dudes. I understand you’re probably having a rough ass time right now but you have absolutely no idea how my day has been, how my week has been, how my life has been. You get a tiny snapshot of what I choose to share here. Which trust me, is a tiny TINY little snapshot of the reality of my condition. How would you feel if your trauma dump triggered out one of my suicidal parts and killed me? Or severely harmed me? Y’all (all anons, not just you) desperately need to fucking understand that OSDDID systems are traumatized as FUCK and things like that can literally get us killed. It’s not a game. I know some plural folks online make it seem fun, but anon as you seem to understand, it’s very scary having parts inside that want you dead. These parts can take control of my body and do just that. They’ve tried before.

All anons out there, please have some fucking decency and respect for OSDDID creators out there. We are not your therapist, we’re just trying to live our fucking lives and sometimes make content on the side.

Rant over. I hate doing shit like this but I am so over it and y’all need to fucking know.

-Blurry

[kuwdora]

Hi hello! For the fic writer asks:

✿ did anything major change when you started writing Coin Operated Boy to when you finished?

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

✄ what’s your editing process?

Oh, hi you! These are excellent asks. Somehow I knew you would ask about this story. :)

Okay. So! With Coin Operated Boy I didn’t really have anything major change. I did end up cutting or not writing a lot more detail about Jaskier’s friendship with Cory and more Oxenfurt culture. Mostly because Jaskier was too busy being a puppet and didn’t have time for anything else. I had a lot more detail about Cory and Jaskier and their college friends, and passing around the same $20 for over two decades. Oxenfurt insider jokes, some more throwaway details about The Horrors happening outside the walled garden of Oxenfurt since the story takes place about 4-6 months after Cintra falls.

Also originally after puppetskier had been attacked by a kitty, he was gonna run into a random artist who would help and drop him off at Shani’s. Then I realized it would be way cuter if he actually encountered Karsten again because!! Small child and puppetskier! Relationship already established.

Not a major change either but I originally had a coda I was gonna do but then didn’t. I got so tired by the time I reached the end of the story that I just needed to be done. It was gonna be from Cory’s POV where she’s at a pottery stall or kiln and Karsten returns with some of the hidden treasure he had found and that he wanted to pass on to Jaskier because Jaskier was his new friend. I was also trying to find a way to have Shani stop by while Cory and Karsten were together for that moment. This idea was actually a brilliant suggestion by Castillon02. Alas, being tired and feeling all kinds of squishy about playing with my OCs a little more…the coda did not come to fruition.

I also have a second coda/probably a second story idea. Where Jaskier is hanging out with Yen and makes a passing reference to that time he was turned into a puppet for several days. And something something, Jaskier wants to be fucked as a puppet, something something horny comedy size difference and Yen indulging him.

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing?

I usually end up in somebody's DMs, usually @sassaffrassa trying to talk through my current problem. And cry a lot. I've been trying to do some short bursts of flashfic writing when I'm stuck editing just to reset my brain. Right now I wish I had better focus to be working on my vidding projects or my painting projects to step away from the writing medium. Slowly trying to get myself back into those things again just because I think it will help o have something else to work on.

But if I leave things too long without touching or thinking about it, then it's so much harder to get back into it. Even though I really, really want to finish it.

✄ what’s your editing process?

AS FOR EDITING, my god. It’s a... process. Going under a cut cause I ramble like the wordy gremlin I am.

I write and do my first round of editing in Scrivener. I usually write a scene and when I think I’m done, I go back and reread and start writing notes about things or highlighting passages I think about or want to revisit again. I outline after drafting a lot of the time. To see what actually happens and compare it to what I actually wanted to happen. Or thought was gonna happen. Cause I forget shit all the time while writing and sometimes can't see what I actually wrote unless I make bullet points. It's annoying.

I like Scrivener because I move a lot of scenes or whole sections around and I end up writing so many notes about different things that I end up with folders of stuff that doesn’t even make it into the story. Probably why it takes me for fucking ever to finish anything because I keep getting distracted with more ideas and details. But editing usually involves going back to my judicious use of brackets and filling in shit or figuring out what I was thinking. I jump around a lot in the editing stages because if I’m not feeling a certain section at the moment then I’m just not gonna get enough done.

Once I feel reasonably okay and like it’s readable, I pop the fic into gdocs for eventual betaing or cheer readers. I hate gdocs so much for anything longer than 4k because I can’t really see the scenes anymore. But it is helpful to be looking at the text on a different screen and I do appreciate that. I’ll continue to edit and make more specific line and paragraph highlights of things that are bothering me so I know what I’m gonna focus on when I come back later. Eventually I’ll reach a point of exhaustion and fling it at someone who’s willing to read it and pray that it makes sense. Usually in the case of my Leshkel stuff it doesn’t but that’s what another round of editing is usually for. When I’m mostly on the ball with my story I happily chew on beta comments and wrestle my paragraphs some more until I’m exhausted and never want to write again.

I recently started using the header feature in Gdocs so I can jump to my scene/chapter breaks a little easier now instead of scrolling through +15 pages and I think that will help my editing brain for this stage.

Anyway that was very long but!! Sort of how I roll.

fic ask meme

[whatthisfemsheplikes]

Per your size-shifting ramble, do you think your thoughts on which size you’d want to be go into how you write or feel about Tori and Wesley? Do you relate to one more than the other? Could be relating to their size or just personality

I feel like Tori and Wesley kind of embody my feelings about which size I'd rather be in certain moments, at least in my head while I'm writing them. There are a lot of scenes where I could be thinking that I'd prefer to be in Wesley's position as a tiny, but I could potentially think about that same scene the next day and prefer to be in Tori's position as the "giant" (or human to a tiny in that case). I go both ways all the time about who I relate to in terms of just their size.

As far as relating to their personalities, I feel like each of them is made up of three parts: one-third is how I tend to act/feel in real life, another third is how I wish I was, and the last third is just their own stuff that doesn't really have anything to do with me. A lot of that last third is backstory stuff that I feel shapes plenty of their personalities and motivations. For instance, I didn't grow up in a super-rich family and, while I do have a brother, he's actually younger than me and acts nothing like Carter. I think Tori's own past with aspects like that shape how she views what she has in life and how she trusts other people in ways that I haven't experienced in my own life. Obviously, for Wesley, I've never had to worry about the same potential life dangers that a borrower has to worry about, and that fuels a lot of his fear that I don't relate to.

In other ways, I relate to them quite a bit. Tori can sometimes be a people-pleaser, Wesley too to a greater extent, and that's something that I tend to be a lot, even though I don't really want to be one. It's something I'm working on but it's kind of been ingrained in my brain since I was a kid, so it's a lot to work through. In some ways, Tori calling out the bullshit of others is kind of how my own inner voice sounds much of the time. I just don't say it out loud like she would.

Then, there's Wesley who's going through a lot of trauma and who gets really emotional in his struggles. I don't really cry as often as he does, but that anxiety that he almost constantly feels is how I am a lot of the time, hence why I feel tiny when I wish to be comforted. I've got a lot of my own trauma from surviving cancer and other events that have given me PTSD that I'm trying to work through, so that desire to have someone in your corner to just say "it's gonna be okay" like Wesley and Tori have is something I wish for a lot. I've got friends and family who support me, but they don't really understand a lot of what I'm going through so sometimes that comfort doesn't really feel very helpful. It's not their fault, but a lot of times I feel like I wish I had someone who was kind of the Tori to my Wesley in a way where they might not fully understand but they'll stay by your side while you're going through a hard time without feeling like they're pitying you.

Other than that, the parts of them that I wish I had more of would be confidence and patience. When I'm writing Tori, I often think that I wish I had her confidence, even in just everyday interactions. I've got bad social anxiety, so even just going out to talk to someone at a store or restaurant isn't the easiest thing for me. I think both she and Wesley tend to be very patient too, especially with each other. In some cases, I'm super patient, even when others around me might not be, like if my parents get impatient while we're waiting in a line while I tend to feel like I could stand there all day with no rush. It's usually patience relating to myself that I struggle with, like if I feel that I'm not as good as I should be at doing certain tasks. It gets tough but it's something that I feel like writing See Me has helped me with sometimes.

Sorry for the long post. Just fell down a rabbit hole with this question I guess. Thanks for asking!

[hiding-under-the-willow]

pretty please explain the context of the chase and jackie drawing

Oooooo yeah yeah yeah okay

I know I said I don't go there but the amount of space they take up in my brain is about to make it seem like I do lmao

Okay so I've been thinking a lot about I guess the social politics of the egos? Both Jack and Mark's. Definitely highly inspired by some of the crossover art I've seen from @.rebar2042 (not actually tagging them cause i feel bad clogging up their notifs with my rambling but their art is great by the way would 100% recommend checking it out)

So anyways unlike my drawing may have made it seem I do totally think Chase and Jackie would be besties. I think they would get along great the vast majority of the time, but that there are certain things about both of their personalities, and the ways they both move within the social sphere of the other egos, that could lead to conflict that could get out of hand.

Like, Chase is obviously self destructive in his behaviors, and I could see this leading to him putting himself in unnecessary danger for the sake of helping others. And then with Jackie, obviously as a hero he's got to have a strong moral code, and I feel like he's the type to get so caught up in the rigidity of those ideals that sometimes he gets too stuck on the black and white, good vs bad, hero vs villain of it all and ends up doing more harm than good. And I feel like this definitely shapes the ways he interacts with people.

So like, Chase might be more willing to deal with figures like Dark and Wilford than Jackie might. I feel like Dark in particular Jackie probably has a big problem with, reminds him too much of Anti on a surface level for him to look past it. Very much viewes him as a villain.

So, anyways, the particular scene i had in my head that that drawing was based off of was an argument between Jackie and Chase after Jackie found out that Chase had been working with Dark, agreed to do a currently undecided favor for him, for the sake of helping someone else whose situation required some particular expertise Dark had. I think when Jackie's temper gets the best of him his powers tend to flare up a bit. And I don't think Chase would know wtf to do about that at all.

Anyways. That is about as much specific detail as I'm gonna go into on that lol cause this post is getting too long but anyways if you want to hear me ramble more about my ideas of the social politics of the egos hmu 👀

[waterforlorn]

day ten. october 16th.

so, it's been a few days. i'm still feeling a little … weird about not sitting down to write for.. days. but i said i'd push my limit and i did. i… didn't kill anybody. so there's that. nico didn't complain about sharp comments, so .. either he's afraid or i didn't make any. long days, i don't really remember EVERYTHING i said anymore.

i've been driving mostly, which gives nico hours … on hours to ramble at me about the most random little things he sees. OR LITTLE HISTORY SNIPPETS. i don't mind like… per se, just.. man, he talks a damn lot. and sometimes he looks at me like he expects me to comment and then i either just confirm what he said or i admit i have NO fucking clue what he goes on about all day long.

do couples ever break up cause one partner's too dumb for the other? probably. or maybe he's too smart. yeah, that sounds more like it. what a fucking nerd. why am i even with him? we're from different worlds. he had a perfect little family growing up. i got shit all. IT'S NOT HIS FAULT. i know he hurts, too. i can see it on him sometimes, but he'd really good at hiding it. better than me… for sure, but that doesn't mean he isn't suffering. maybe that's why we found each other. cause i know that when he's with me the pain goes away and i think… he feels the same? i haven't dared asking. i don't wanna find out it's one-sided. and it's fucking ridiculous, cause i never wanted to depend on someone who isn't ME.

hell, i didn't even wanna have to rely on myself most of the time. although, i wanna say that i did okay with the rotten-ass goddamn apples life threw at me.

uh, right. my day.. emotions… thoughts.

i know there's worse than me, but i truly wish i could keep up with his brain. AT LEAST A LITTLE. so that when he rambles.. i can make some sense of it and comment. no fucking idea how he can have ALL THAT SHIT stored in his head. like he eats books for breakfast. i think he's gonna find out sooner or later he's fucking an idiot and he's gonna reconsider spending his life with said idiot. that's my thoughts alright. i know i'm biased kinda. i know i'm seeing it worse than it is cause it's ME we're talking about. i'm .. working on that.

emotions? can't say. worried i guess, but i'm trying not to let that weird gut-wrenching feeling take over. wouldn't help anyway. worrying isn't gonna make it go away. if he wants to find someone else, he should. i'm gonna be fine. REALLY. fuck him if he does, though. he started this shit and he knew i wasn't smart. so yeah, fuck him in advance. otherwise? i'm fine. not a lot has been happening, so.. i'm fine. kinda curious where nico wants to go next. so far we're back on the interstate.

my day… driving. lots of driving. it's .. calming. or maybe that's nico's presence. i feel calmer when he's there, probably why i like sharing my bed with him. peaceful nights.

i dunno when i'll sit down to write again, but ..i will when we did something other than drive and talk. what a strange thing to write down. i remember my early books, so full of rage. i didn't know how to contain it, although i'll admit writing it down helped deal with it at the time, but i grew out of that. i guess i no longer need it.

[diesukitsuki]

hi hi! 💜 Anon, again! i was just laying on my bed and this concept appeared in my head:

bkg totally spoils you. He's always saying that "you like stupid stuff like this, so I brought this to you, idiot" or that he absolutely don't spoils you, but come on, he does, and does it a LOT.

Stuffed animals (if you like them), very expensive clothes and jewelry (he likes to see you feeling pretty), doesn't matter the price, and he always have some gifts for you, to compensate being a hero and saving the day too much and leaving for too long

He knows it's not going to erase it, however, when his gifts put a smile into your face, he just can't help but spoil you.

p.s: maybe I'm working on another concept that I'll like to give to you, dear Novah, as a gift S2 mwah!

Sorry this took too long to get to,, //also can’t wait to see what you have in store 🥺🥺❤️❤️//

note;; this came out of my ass ❤️ so this isn’t my best post..

warning;: not proof read , lowkey rambling, a little bit so smut at the end, 18+, Blogs w/ no age indicators and minors DO NOT INTERACT

I love bakugou who spoils his baby.. He’s just so.. sigh.. ❤️

Maybe it’s just me but I think Bakugou’s very honest with his feelings..Like he’s such an honest person— a little too honest sometimes, and it’s kind of hard to imagine him holding back his thoughts and emotions ..

Like, It’s so stupid hard for him to not hold back his feelings—even if they do come out a bit prickly and jagged to the point it’s unrecognizable. It doesn’t matter. As long as he knows that he’s telling the truth, and that’s he’s expressing his feelings honestly. He’s okay with it.

So when he gets with you, his heart (and brain) can’t fathom the bouquet of emotions blooming in him. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he kinda gets aggressive. The way people have to ease their muscles when they see a cute, helpless animal, not wanting to have it explode in their hands.

He just.. god, he likes you so fucking much it’s stupid. He’s aching to just squeeze you til you pop, give you kisses that bruise, shake you around because fuck, you’re so evil for making him feel like this…like he’s threatening to burst whenever you pop up in his head so innocently.

He’s a little horrified with himself, to be frank. Under his observations, he’s always noticed that Love is supposed to be delicate. The passing couples he’s seen on his patrols were always so close, so comfortable, so peaceful. It makes him feel like he’s utterly insane for feeling so passionately violent for you.

So he starts spoiling the shit out of you just so he can get the urge to smother you with his love out of his system. You had to make him stop buying you shit that you’ve mentioned once—and forgotten about—in a conversation, because they were items that you really didn’t need and, at times, wanted.

Once, you’ve, offhandedly, said that you like having him close to you because it feels like you have a body guard. You don’t notice it at first, but he takes your casual statement a little too seriously and starts hovering around you when the two of you hung out, growling and snarling at any potential threat— or anyone who stand three feet away from you. When you told him you weren’t serious, he would stop talking to you for the whole day because he was embarrassed.

The one thing you didn’t complain about was how generous he was in bed, giving into all of his violent emotions into fucking you. He’d make sure you were boneless and halfway to heaven before he was done with you. He’d devour your sweet and pretty cunt, fucking you with his thick fingers as he licked and sucked your clit, making youre all sloppy and wet for him. He’d make sure to give you all of his cock, never teasing to give you half of it. He wants to see you stuffed with him, with his cock, with his love. Whenever he has the chance to, he would give in and squeeze you tightly against his chest as he rammed his cock into you, splitting you in half.. He’d kiss and bites all over your body, making sure the bruises stain your skin. He’d literally give his all to you since it’s his only time to express how you make him feel.

He’ll make sure you know it.