#seeing some of y’all’s comments after this years testing is mad to me

[alexi-01]

damn the fact that there’s new mclaren fans that didn’t even go through bahrain 2023 blows my mind

[katsuflossy]

BeatBox/Junebugg Challenge

Pairings: Shouto Todoroki x reader, Kastuki Bakugou x reader, Izuku Midoriya x reader, Eijirou Kirishima x reader, Hanta Sero x reader, Denki Kaminari x reader, Hitoshi Shinsou x reader, Tenya Iida x reader.

TW: just the regular obscenities

A/n: IK y’all may not know this trend but it’s funny af so this is the beatbox/junebugg challenge (sound by SpotemGottem) and yeah I hope y’all like my lil hc of the s/o doing it with the boys 💖💖

Taglist: @eharmonythotbot @lilsparkyswife @teddybearrx @angiebug101 @sesshomaruwaifu @blackweebtrash @minajkatsuki @cyans-bliss @myhoodacademia @mypimpademia @melanimed @peach-child @zombie-kun @xx-opaqued-xx @sunshineszn @prettybitch-ki @tsukkisukkii

🧊 He has the most aesthetically pleasing tiktok

🧊 There’s slime videos, drawing videos with lofi music in the back, your basic encouraging quotes

🧊 Who needs therapy when you got Shouto’s fyp? /j

🧊 He may be a lil...offbeat in your dance videos but he still tries. Thankfully this was an easy one to learn.

🧊 He out here thinking he got it until you buck at him.

🧊 You think he finna take that shit? He’s gonna buck TF back, on reflex, and scare the fuck out of you.

🧊 Immediately goes into protective boyfriend mode after seeing you flinch hard. You should expect a tight hug; he’s rubbing your back while the whole clip rolling.

🧊 “Love, I’m sorry but why did you move to hit me? I didn’t mean to scare you I’m sorry.”

🧊 “Baby, It’s okay that was the challenge.”

🧊 “Yes, but you looked so scared and it was my fault,” he wraps his arms tighter around you so you’re snuggled safely into his chest.

🧊 Post it with captions of what he said during the video and see all the comments talm bout “⚠️‼️WARNING‼️HAPPY COUPLE⚠️”

💥 It’s known Bakugou knows no fucking challenge on that app.

💥 Except for that buss it challenge. He’s keeping tabs on yo ass.

💥 His fyp is comprised of prisontok (thank mtha for this), mortalkombat edits, and recommendations for shoujo mangas DC comics.

💥 He already knows the drill, you teach him the dance, he does it with no care, you post it.

💥 This one is fairly easy… until you attempt to press him

💥 He runs up on you, chest puffed up, arms tense and hanging straight. That intimidation stance.

💥 “What you tryna do? We can tussle right now wassup.” Now you gotta deal with him pressing you as you finish the dance.

💥 When he realizes you’re laughing, he just sucks his teeth before lightly pushing you.

💥 “Why am I even dating you?”

💥 The biggest tsundere simp on the earth.

💥 He loves you so much but you always test him.

🥦 Umm All Might edits runs his fyp.

🥦 The occasional analytic reports on recent and past villain attacks are there too.

🥦 Only gets a smidge of alt tiktok so it ain’t that boring.

🥦 Doesn’t know the dance either but he’ll do it just for you <3

🥦 Never expects you to fucking buck at him tho.

🥦 Mans flinch mad hard omg.

🥦 He removes his hands from his face when he hears you laugh and continue the dance.

🥦 Now he stopped, looking at you with the saddest puppy eyes.

🥦 “Why did you flinch at me baby?” He’s just standing in the frame all pouty and shit.

🥦 “Prince(ss), please don’t do that again. You honestly scared me.” He walks off in the middle of the video, his fluffy duck house slippers squeaking with every step.

🥦 Go say you’re sorry right now 🧍🏽‍♀️

⛑ Crimson Riot edits duhh

⛑ But it’s a mixture of Bakugou’s and Todoroki’s with a sprinkle of popular dances down his stream.

⛑ Has Ski Mask edits as well

⛑ Still, he doesn’t know the dance at all

⛑ Baby boy is so sweet cause the second you buck at him...he just plants one straight on your lips thinking you went in for a kiss.

⛑ Shocked, bamboozled, frozen, he really kissed you as you tried to buck him?

⛑ Mans continued the dance like you’re not wide-mouthed behind him.

⛑ “Bro, I know you did not just kiss me when I tried to buck you.” The whole badman vibes just dissipate from the air, he smiling at you like it was cool.

⛑ “Babe,” he whined. “I thought you just wanted a smooch.”

⛑ Seeing you mad, he just grabs you up and launches more kisses on your face.

⛑ You tried to look hard for the video only for him to soften you up quickly.

⛑ At least you got cuddles after.

🩹 His tiktok is filled with funny ass videos

🩹 They always come up on his fyp before going famous. Hence why his comments be having 30k likes (they funny as well)

🩹 Has the best cooking tutorials in his favorites that he makes to impress you.

🩹 Already knows the dance so you don’t need to teach him.

🩹 Y’all both tried to press each other with giant smiles on your faces before starting a round of play fighting.

🩹 “Can’t fuck with you no mo.” He turns to you before continuing the dance.

🩹 Alternating lyrics and shii...being the baddest couple to step in the game.

🩹 He wraps his arms around you before throwing peace signs to the camera at the end.

🩹 The coolest boyfriend award goes to this king.

⚡️ How...how is he in every part of tiktok

⚡️ Straightok, alt tiktok, beantok, frogtok. You describe to him the video and he either knows it or he can find it in seconds.

⚡️ If Pandora’s Box opened and escaped into somebody’s account, it would most likely be Denki’s.

⚡️ He did the challenge with Bakugou before but it ended in flames...but he won’t decline to do it wit you

⚡️ Why y’all buck each other and ended up hitting your foreheads?

⚡️ Spent the rest of the video rubbing your forehead while Denki laughing.

⚡️ “Why tf your shit so hard? Built like damn cement” you glared at him as he laughed even harder.

⚡️ “I shock my own brain everyday. I think my skull hardened as a result”

⚡️ The next day, you’re seen walking around with your forehead on swole.

⚡️ On the bright side, you get forehead kisses every 5 minutes.

🔮 There ain’t no Eraserhead edits so he makes them himself.

🔮 All his fyp got some led light show going on. Every. Fucking. Video.

🔮 But they’re all good vibes, great music, and nice ass comment section

🔮 Occasional gaming videos come up because he follows some twitch streamers on there

🔮 Doesn’t know the beatbox/junebugg challenge. You woke him out of bed to do it.

🔮 You’re vibing in the video before you buck at him.

🔮 He didn’t budge. He stopped doing the dance altogether to stand up and just glare you down.

🔮 He out here in his cow print moo moo pants and you do this shit to him?

🔮 Now you’re nervous, flickering your eyes to him as you continued the video dancing.

🔮 The minute the sound ends he stalks off back to bed. Using all the sheets to cover him.

🔮 Have fun sleeping in the cold. Just kidding, he can’t sleep without cuddling you but just remember he is mad.

👓 ...you think he knows tiktok?

👓 Thought it was slang for the actual clock app.

👓 Got it to see what the hype was about but doesn’t even bother to make an actual account.

👓 It’s really just the generic shit on there.

👓 So he’s excited to do a dance with you even though he only knows the tinman.

👓 Umm...failed to do the actual dance. It gives 60-year-old white man on a tropical cruise.

👓 And then you buck at him.

👓 All movements stop. He justs staring at you, his glasses hiding his actual eyes.

👓 The air around you feels real cold. Your premonition telling you to electric slide out of the room but nah, you continue to dance. The man, who tried to commit murder at the age of 16, just staring at you stoned face.

👓 The second he opened his mouth, you DIPPED out of the room, leaving your phone running and Iida just standing confused.

👓 Turns out, he wasn’t trying to end your bloodline, he was just confused if that was a dance step he missed.

[annab-nana]

hello! a request with colby where the reader pranks him by like getting hurt or something and he gets super worried and frantic until he realizes it’s fake and then he’s super relieved but kinda upset about it all

I think I did a blurb similar to this but the roles were reversed and the reader was concerned for Colby who was fake hurt so if you want to find that, you definitely can haha but here you go! I’m gonna do a headcanon for this because it’s easier and quicker for me to get out to you guys so I hope you like it :)

Tw: mentions of blood (it’s fake blood but still)

Prank Gone Wrong (or is it?)

The fans had been begging you to do a prank on Colby

I mean full on pleading for months and months

So finally you were going to give in

You searched the comment sections of the several videos that Colby had posted of his various pranks on you to find an idea of what to do

You found one video from a long time ago in the first trap house where Colby had pranked both you and Sam making you both think he was seriously hurt from falling down the stairs

You were in hysterics while checking over your bloodied boyfriend while his best friend tried to assess the situation and call 911

Katrina was there and she tried to comfort your crying body before someone tapped on your shoulder

Kat burst into giggles as you slapped at Colby’s chest when it hit you that this was all some joke

You pretty much gave Colby the cold shoulder for the rest of the day and he clung to your side trying to make it up to you for the rest of the day

And eventually you forgave him and let him cuddle you and hold you and kiss you to his heart’s content

Today it was your turn

You were going to show him exactly how you felt that day those few years ago

You were going to make him feel the fear, the way your heart dropped to the depths of your stomach, how it churned and you felt queasy, how you felt like you were going to lose the love of your life within seconds

Did it sound kinda bad? Yes but he did it to you so it couldn’t be that bad for you to do the same right?

So you conjured up a plan

You were going to be filming something with Jake and he needed you to help get the big blow up trap house dog back on top of the roof of the patio

The plan was you’d fall from the roof and onto the ground similarly to how Sam did when he broke his back but you and Jake had tried this several times and landing on the blow up dog is much safer than on the bean bags

So it was ready to go

You checked outside with Jake to make sure he had the dog ready and by the patio and had a camera rolling and you already had one filming the stairs area facing towards the living room and another in yours and Colby’s room

Once all seemed to be good, you started your intro with Jake

“Hey guys, so I know I’m not who you expected to see on this fine Friday but if you know Colby, you know he hasn’t figured out what he’s doing for this video so we’re gonna help him with a prank.”

“And this is the first major prank of this trap house I would say,” Jake added

“Yes, so if you remember in the old trap house, Colby pranked me and Sam and we thought he was going to die so why not do the same to him. That seems fair, doesn’t it Jake?”

“I’d say so, yes,” he grinned at you before explaining the plan to the viewers

“Yes I’ll land right there and it’s been tested so we know it’s safe. We don’t want anymore broken backs here I promise. So I’m gonna go upstairs to get onto the roof and I’ll see y’all in a few.”

With that, you scurried up the stairs to your shared room where Colby laid on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through his phone

“What are you doing sweetheart?” he asked when he saw you going towards the balcony

“On the roof to help Jake with a video,” you said as you skipped on over to the door

“Do you want me to help? I don’t want you to get hurt?”

Little did he know, that was the plan all along

“Um you can help Jake on the ground. He said he needed me on the roof for some reason but he’s right outside the patio.”

Colby got up after eyeing you oddly for a minute and left the room

“Okay Jake. Here I come,” you whispered when you got on the roof. “Now act like I got hurt.”

You hopped down onto the dog and slid off, laying on the ground

“Oh shit! Y/n, are you okay?” Jake yelled as he poured some of the fake blood you had gotten earlier by your head and in your hair to make it look like your head was bleeding. “Colby!”

You had your eyes shut when you heard the pounding footsteps of your boyfriend coming closer and then the sliding glass door opened

“Jake, what the fuck happened? I just saw her two second ago upstairs.” The fearful waver in his voice was highly evident and it broke your heart to hear but you didn’t show a sign of anything

“Sh-she just fell. I-I think she tripped,” Jake explained when you felt a presence next to your body

“Call 911!”

A shaky hand ran through your hair, pushing it out of the way from being in your face

“Y/n, baby, can you hear me?”

You let your eyes flutter open to meet the bright blues that gazed down upon you with such fear and sadness

“Hi love,” he cooed, “can you say something?”

“It hurts,” you murmured

“I know baby. Jake’s getting help. Don’t leave me okay?”

“What happened?” Sam’s voice broke out from next to y’all

Colby looked over at him with the saddest eyes you had ever seen and Sam’s softened right on the spot

“I’ll be right back.” And with that, the blond flew back in the house

“Colby?” you whispered shakily to really sell the fact that you were weakened by the blow to the head

His teary eyes immediately found yours and his fingers caressed at your face gently

“Yes angel, what is it? What do you need? I’m right here,” Colby spoke so softly, it was as if he would break you if he spoke any other way

“This... my head...” you started, taking deep breaths between your words

“I know, it hurts,” he tried to calm you but you shook your head then wincing as if the action caused you more pain

“No,” you breathed again, making sure to breathe slower with each minute. “This is... it’s all... a pr-”

“They’re on the way,” Jake’s words cut you off but it doesn’t slip past Colby

“What were you saying baby?”

“It’s all a prank,” you say completely normal and then show him a wide grin before wiping the lone tear that slipped out of his eye

“I’m back with a t- oh, you’re okay?” Sam questioned with a towel in hand as his eyes jumped from yours and Jake’s playful eyes to Colby’s eyes that were mixed of many different emotions

“Never better!” you chirped while grabbing the towel from Sam’s hand and using it to get the fake blood out of your hair

“I’d say that went pretty well,” Jake stated as he held a hand up for you to high five which you gladly clapped your hand against his

“It was a prank?” The confused blond inquired and you and Jake nodded

“Y/n pulled her first prank!” Jake congratulated, pulling you into a side hug

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” you grinned at the boy before kneeling down next to Colby. “Are you okay, bubba? You’ve been awful quiet?”

“I wanna hug you but I’m also mad at you,” he pouted, playfully crossing his arms like a child

“Aww Colbs,” you muttered before wrapping your arms around the boy and pulling him into your chest. Your hand found his hair and comfortingly played with the strands

You looked up to Jake and poked out your bottom lip, showing him that you felt bad for the prank you had pulled when Colby’s arms tightened around you

“I’m okay, sweetheart. I’m right here,” you whispered in his ear

“Yeah I know and here you will stay. I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

Taglist: @curlyhairedbrock @brockdolan @kikixfandoms @rebelemilu @starrybrock (strike through means I couldn’t tag you)

Click here to be added to my taglist

[lemonpeter]

🧡Day 3: S*x Work🧡

Harry has my brain right now I’m sorry lol I’m trying to think about Tony instead. I hope y’all enjoy 🧡

Warnings: Tony/Peter main focus, established Harry/Peter relationship, starker nff, s*x worker!Peter, Peter is over 18

***

Tony knew what was going on as soon as he saw the young man.

It wasn’t unusual for a host of an event to show up with someone hired. It looked good to have something pretty on your arm, and a hire was an easy fix when there wasn’t a partner in their life.

Although it did shock him to see a man on the arm of one Harry Osborn.

It was practically Harry’s coronation, a prince taking the throne of CEO. And Tony expected that he’d continue to be sucking up to his father. Doing everything just as he expected.

The looks of disdain that Norman kept throwing the two young men told Tony that he had been mistaken.

Who knew.

No matter what, the man was gorgeous. And was really good at his job.

He laughed at just the right moments, he mingled with every stuck up guest surrounding them, he gave the younger Osborn looks that could have fooled anyone into believing that they were actually in love.

Anyone but Tony, of course. He knew how it all worked.

After a while he lost track of the couple. He did some mingling of his own with business partners and former clients until the few drinks he had told him that it was time to find a restroom.

The venue was unfamiliar, so he found himself wandering down the hall and looking for signs that would lead him in the right direction.

Eventually he found a door that seemed right and he opened it before slamming it shut again. “Sorry!”

The image of that gorgeous arm candy on his knees was burned into his memory, though.

“Fuck.” He heard Harry mumble through the door. “Get up, someone’s already looking for us, Pete.”

A heavy sigh. “We’ve barely done anything. We can keep going for a minute-“

Tony was frozen, listening to them.

The door opened a moment later and he came face to face with a very flushed Osborn.

“Oh, fuck. Of course it was you.”

“I was just looking for a bathroom,” Tony blurted out. “Not looking for you.”

Harry didn’t look convinced. “Please just- don’t tell anyone. Although I know you have no reason to do me any favors.”

“Tell anyone what? Kid, I’m pretty sure that’s his job. No one cares.”

The other man stepped out, still straightening himself out. “Contrary to popular opinion, I’m not here as an escort.”

“So you’re not-“ Tony didn’t buy it. Although maybe he was just hoping for his own sake.

Knowing that the angel in front of him was out of reach just might have broken his heart. He was that attracted to him. But he just couldn’t help it.

“I am. I mean, not an escort per se...” The young man crossed his arms. “But this isn’t a job.”

Harry groaned, covering his face. “I’m pretty sure this is making it worse, Pete.”

The other man - Pete? - just looked up at Tony, cocking his head to the side. “But it doesn’t matter. Harry, we’re out tonight, we’re out. Who cares what he says to anyone?”

Tony was stuck on the previous thing. “So you are a- well, whatever you want to call it?”

“Yes. I can give you my information if you want. And I don’t need a title, just call me Peter.”

He did want. He definitely did want that. But he was still confused. “If this isn’t a job then, what-“

“We’re together.”

That definitely wasn’t what he was expecting. He might have even staggered back a bit with how surprised he was. But maybe that was just his flair for the dramatic. It really was pretty shocking, though.

“O….Kay.” He’d ask later. For now, he was sticking with the information he had. And he had to find out how to get time with gorgeous Peter.

“How much for an hour?” Tony asked.

Peter didn’t miss a beat. “A grand.” At an annoyed sound from Harry he laughed. “But I’m not available for the next few hours.”

“I’ll pay ten if you’ll be with me right now.”

The couple exchanged a look. “Half an hour,” Harry countered.

“Sure, whatever you say.” Tony grinned. “Get back out to your party. Promise I’ll return him to you in one piece.”

Peter snorted, setting a timer on his phone. “Your thirty minutes starts now. What do you have in mind?”

Harry watched them warily. He kissed Peter’s cheek, sighing. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too. It’ll be fast, don’t worry.”

Tony scoffed. “Was that an attack on my stamina? Because-“

“Thirty minutes isn’t long, Stark. That’s it.” Peter grinned. “So defensive.”

“You’re wasting my time, Osborn. Skedaddle.” Tony waved his hands.

Peter snorted, pulling him into the same room that they’d come out of.

Tony grinned at him. “Feisty. I like it.”

“Okay. Seriously, what do you want? Because we really don’t have that much time.” Peter was already reaching for Tony’s belt.

“First? I’m actually going to go find a bathroom. What I was trying to do before all this.” He felt a little bad about interrupting them, but figured that they could pick up where they left off later. And the thought that he once again pissed off an Osborn made him smile.

“K. Should I just wait here?” Peter moved his hands and leaned against the wall.

“Why would you follow me? Yes, stay here. Just a minute.” Tony opened the door again before pausing. “I still...don’t know where it is.”

“Maybe I should follow you.” Peter laughed under his breath. “You were, like, two doors off. To the left.”

“Thanks. Don’t go anywhere.”

Tony left and was back within a couple minutes, but he knew that he had very little time to waste. Half an hour wasn’t much at all.

Although he would definitely be getting Peter’s contact information for another time.

He was back in the small room where he left Peter, raising an eyebrow when he saw the younger man with his tie loose and shirt unbuttoned. “Eager?”

“Figured I wouldn’t just stand here while I waited. What, is this not what you wanted?” Peter teasingly moved his hands over his chest.

And how did he keep getting more and more perfect? The unbuttoned shirt revealed hard abs and a v that nearly made Tony drool. There needed to be statues of that body. He was halfway to thinking through the costs of such a thing when Peter’s laugh snapped him out of it.

“Down, boy.”

Tony snorted, a little surprised. “I’m not paying you to tell me to stop ogling. Remember, I’m way overpaying you for this.”

“It’s my personal time. I get to decide what’s overpaying.” Peter stepped forward, his fingers starting to unbutton Tony’s shirt. “Now. You have like…twenty three minutes left.”

“Half of what’s gone was because your boyfriend wouldn’t leave.”

“Mmm. You could have taken advantage of your time anyways. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s seen me with a client.”

Why was that so appealing to think about?

“Right. Well, first I actually want to talk. Is that okay?” Tony didn’t stop him from slowly unbuttoning his shirt anyway.

Peter nodded, confused. Everyone wanted to jump right into the good stuff, especially with such a short time. Although he never usually did less than two hours.

Maybe he was just curious as to what Tony had in mind.

“Alright. So you said you and Osborn are a thing, how long has that been going on?” He really had so many questions about that alone.

“Officially? Today’s our first time being out together. But we’re been a couple for a little over a year now. But we’ve known each other our whole lives. Grew up together and all that.” Peter made his way down Tony’s shirt as he talked, until it was hanging open.

“Huh. That’s interesting, I always assumed he was straight. Scandals with girls, yknow.” Tony slid his jacket and now-open shirt off.

The younger man nodded, hands on Tony’s hips. “Yeah, everyone assumed. But he hid it for a reason. His dad is pissed. And we knew he would be. So he just…tried to look one way. Threw everyone off.”

“Did a good job. I’ve never seen you before,” Tony commented. “I would have remembered.”

“That’s because I’m not associated with the company in any way. And the media isn’t interested in a random kid from Queens.” Peter shrugged, undoing Tony’s belt.

“Interesting.” The older man helped. “Well, I think that’s most of my questions. Can I touch you?”

Peter nodded, laughing a little. “You can. And happy to answer.” It was more than he would have answered with anyone else. He wasn’t really sure why he was so open with Stark. “What are you thinking you want me to do?”

“I wouldn’t be mad if you wanted to get on your knees for me, honey.” Another thing popped into his head as he watched him get down. “So he’s okay with this? Being in a relationship while being in sex work?”

The younger man nodded, pulling Tony’s pants down his hips and thighs. “Yeah. I think sometimes he gets a little jealous but we work it out. We talk. I assure him that he’s the only one I actually love.”

Tony licked his bottom lip, nodding. “That makes sense. Alright, now I’m done. I don’t want to talk about him any more, I just want to think about you, gorgeous. Is that okay?”

“Perfectly okay.” Peter got his boxers down and let the man’s cock rest against his cheek. “Let’s really get started….”

***

They went over the half hour.

Not by much, only a couple minutes, but still. Tony noticed. And he mentioned it. But Peter only waved him off and finished getting him off.

They straightened themselves out when they were done and Tony pulled his phone out.

“I should have done this first, but do you have some kind of account I need to send the money to? Or-“

Peter shook his head quickly, taking his phone and adding himself as a contact. “Just think of this as a…test run. I’d feel bad charging you all that for one bj.”

Tony blinked, taking his phone back when it was pressed into his hands. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. Now go away, I’ll come in in a minute. We don’t need to look like we’re coming in together.” Peter pulled his own phone out and winced when he saw how swollen his lips were.

“Okay. Thank you.”

The young man shot him a small smile. “No problem.”

Tony made his way back to the ballroom, still trying to make sense of everything that happened.

He made eye contact with Harry as he came in and gave him a small nod. He didn’t know what else to do, his mind still fogged by everything.

He’d definitely be calling Peter soon.

[mionemymind]

Do I owe her the truth?

Summary: (Hermione x Gender Neutral Reader) Should Y/n tell the truth to Hermione no matter the consequences? 

Words: 5223

A/N: Let me know what y’all think. I’m sorry I having been writing a lot but I figured you deserve something for waiting for so long. Thank you for being patient. You all are the best!!

According to the great philosopher Kant, one must always do the nature of the good principle regardless of the outcome. Simply put, even if a killer was knocking on the door and asking for your friend, you must answer with the truth of their location. Although a lot argue over philosophies, Y/n simply minded their business. They figured that they have their whole life to sort out what good things they must do and bad things they must keep away. However, a bright witch among their age, made them question every single good and bad thing they had sorted out in life. Because on the very most important day of Hermione’s life, Y/n pondered the question, “Do I owe her the truth?”

The story starts out small like any simple home. You must start with a bit of foundation and the right material for it to be built. So, when Y/n transferred from Ilvermorny to Hogwarts, the very first student they were introduced to was Hermione Granger.

Walking around the halls, Y/n found themselves slightly amazed at the walls of the castle. From the decorations, to the hallways, its scenery, and even its people were more amazing than of Ilvermorny. “Right this way.” Professor McGonagall led the young sorcerer to the very Great Albus Dumbledore. Y/n had only read of the magnificent things Professor Dumbledore has done for the wizarding world and was only slightly scared to meet her current headmaster. While opening the vastly large door, Y/n slowly followed Professor McGonagall in. At the sound of the doors opening, a booming but soft voice uttered, “Ah there you are! Do come sit.” Walking up the stairs, Y/n sat at the seat in front of his desk. Sweaty palms and nervous thoughts clouded their mind. “It is a great pleasure to welcome you to Hogwarts. I know you must be eager to survey the school so I will make this brief.” With a slight pause, Dumbledore had signaled for McGonagall to leave. “As a long-standing tradition of Hogwarts, let me first assign you your house.” Quickly, a hat that looked as if it lived through many ages, was placed on Y/n’s head. “Fierce loyalty like no other to those she cares about why you must be HUFFLEPUFF!”

The hat was taken off as quickly as it was placed. Soon, a new attire was placed on her lap. “Here is your new schedule that corresponds with what you should be learning now. I took great liberty to consult with your headmaster about your curriculum. They talk highly about you in regards to your academics and wizarding abilities.” Y/n blushed at the sound of the compliment. They weren’t used to the praise given to them. “To make sure you are consistently tested, I made sure to put you in classes with one of the brightest witches of your age – ah and here she is.” Y/n turned around and suddenly timed slowed down. A girl with red and black robes entered the room as if she already owned it. It was the confidence that surrounded her aura the most, but Y/n had noticed more of the beauty that she shows.

“This young witch is Hermione Granger.” Leaping to their feet, Y/n stood up to shake Hermione’s hand. “Y/n Y/l/n.” Hermione gave a small smile and sat next to Y/n as Dumbledore had briefly explained the rules of the school. “Ah – I believe that takes care of everything. Ms. Granger please give our newest student a welcoming tour around the school. I have already informed your teachers of your absence. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Other than that, welcome to Hogwarts.”

The two young students left the office and went to the nearest bathroom. While Y/n changed to their new robes, Hermione had fiddled with her hands. “Not to intrude, but you must be extremely smart.” Y/n was buttoning their shirt when Hermione had answered the question. Good thing she couldn’t see them otherwise Hermione would have seen how red Y/n turned. Scratching their neck, Y/n replied, “I guess you could say that.”

“Oh, it’s not a guess rather a fact. You happen to have been put with some of the most difficult classes Hogwarts can currently offer for our year. That’s not something every new student experiences.” It was the way Hermione had said it as a matter of fact that made Y/n blush more. Exiting the stall, Hermione turned around and saw that they had their tie around their neck. “Need help?” Hermione said while pointing at their tie.

Once again Y/n blushed and nodded. Hermione was quick to get close to Y/n and started to tie their tie. “I do have to warn you though. There’s not a lot of competition when it comes to academics in Hogwarts. Don’t get me wrong, there is certain bright students, but none seem to come close.” Tightening the tie, Hermione looked into Y/n eyes. It was the first time she noticed how deep they looked. Regardless of their color, they were enchanting as well. “However, you seem to be my closest competition. So, I will have to take every chance I can get to beat you.” Y/n chuckled at the bright young witch in front of them. Hermione backed away after realized how close they were and cleared her throat. “Don’t take it as a laughing matter. Academics are truly important to me.”

Y/n had put their hands up in defense. “Don’t worry…I just find it funny that you think it’s going to be easy to compete with me.” Y/n smirked at their come back. If you were to ask where the hell that confidence came from, don’t bother. Y/n doesn’t know the answer either. With a similar smirk, Hermione said, “You and I are going to be great together.”

The story continues as the home is built. The next few things needed are the walls and roof.

It was the summer after their third year when Hermione, Harry, and Y/n had spent the summer at the Burrow. Ron had almost forgotten to invite Y/n when Ginny saved the day. The three of showed up at the house all dropping in one by one. Y/n was the last one to drop in, showing up during dinner time. Slowly walking in with trunk in hand, Y/n was met with the sound of their name echoing through the house. Ginny was the first to notice Y/n’s presence and loudly yelled, “Y/n!” Ginny quickly gave Y/n a hug when the echoes came from up the stairs.

“Did someone say Y/n?” George asked.

“Y/n?”

“Are they here?”

“Y/n’s here?!”

Hermione was the last one to ask when a stampede of people came running down the stairs. “Y/n!” One by one, they all started a group hug with Y/n in the middle. “Guys, I can’t breathe.” They all broke apart allowing Y/n to regain air, but was cut off when Molly came swooping in. “Oh, hello dear. I was beginning to worry that you couldn’t make it – are you hungry? You must be starving. I cooked your favorite.” Molly was quick to ramble on and on when Fred had pried the two apart. “Mum, I think Y/n needs oxygen. We’ll go ahead and start setting up the table.”

Molly slightly blushed and smiled at Y/n. “I’m glad that you’re here Y/n. Now come on people, dinner won’t serve itself.” The group was quick to help around the house, working like a well-oiled machine. Soon, everyone was sitting down at the table enjoying their home cooked meal. Y/n was sitting smack dab in the middle between Ginny and Hermione. Across from them were the boys.

Over the course of dinner, plenty of topics arose such as school, quidditch, muggles (only because Arthur can’t get enough), and more. The boys plus Ginny and Y/n couldn’t stop talking about the upcoming Quidditch World Cup. Hermione butted in about how glad she was that summer finally came. It was especially hard on the girl considering her tight schedule.

After dinner came the night. The house was quiet as the guests separated to their assigned rooms. It just so happens that Hermione and Y/n were assigned Charlie’s old room. If it weren’t for the dragon paraphernalia, Charlie’s room was actually quite neat and well organized. “Going to take a gander but I think Charlie really likes dragons.” Hermione snorted at Y/n’s obviously sarcastic comment. “Oh really? Could’ve mistaken me, I thought he was a quidditch fan.” Jokes aside, the two changed into their sleeping garments and went to bed.

Well Hermione went to bed while Y/n stared at the ceiling deep in thought. It was not until the moon was shining brightly through the window that Y/n realized how late it was. Considering the time, they tried to sleep but failed miserably. After giving up, Y/n laid on their side and faced towards Hermione. Seeing as the young wizard had already spent too much time alone with their thoughts, Y/n poked Hermione’s face until she was awake.

“Hermione. Psssst. Hermione” Y/n whispered as they poked her. “Hermione. Psst.” At the feeling of someone poking her, Hermione swatted their hand away. Seeing Hermione with an annoyed sleeping face was funny to Y/n but being alone sucked more. “Hermione, are you awake?” Suddenly, Hermione’s eyes opened; it was like a fierce dragon was staring into your soul. She looked mad at the fact someone woke her up from her slumber. “What Y/n?”

With an innocent smile, Y/n looked at Hermione and said, “Wanna tell secrets?” Hermione rolled her eyes and faced the opposite way of Y/n. “Go to sleep Y/n. We have to wake up early soon.” Y/n groaned at Hermione’s words. She was right, of course, but Y/n couldn’t go to sleep. Night was always the hardest.

“Come on Hermione.” Y/n received no response from the girl. Only a silent shoulder. Laying on her back and hands behind their head, Y/n looked at the ceiling. “Ya know, I know your secret…at least one of them.” Y/n glanced at Hermione and she still was facing away. “Or maybe two of them. Well, it’s the same secret, it just so happens that two Hermiones happen to share them.” Hermione quickly shot up and faced towards Y/n to see them smirking. “It’s not that hard to tell that a bright witch like you can’t be in two classes at once, but somehow you were.” Hermione grabbed her pillow and proceeded to hit Y/n with it. “Don’t you dare tell a soul Y/n Y/l/n. I won’t be afraid to hex you.”

Y/n grabbed the pillow and threw it back at the witch, making sure to aim at her face. “Well maybe next time, try not to be in two places at once. It sure threw me off when I had to drop off a note for the Professor only to have found you in a different class. And after I returned, you were still at the same spot I left you.”

“Unbelievable. I knew I should have volunteered to do that, but you just had to be faster than me.” Hermione rolled her eyes and sat up against the bed frame. Y/n followed suit and did the same thing. There was still an obvious smirk on their face. After a couple minutes, the silence broke. “Well, are you going to tell me your secret since you exposed mine?”

“Well Ms. Grainger lets see what secret you get to hear today.” Pondering for a moment, Y/n tried to think of information that no one knew, something of equivalently as important such as time traveling. “I got it! However, you have to promise me that you won’t tell a soul not even Crookshanks.” Y/n held out their hand with only their pinky in the air. Hermione looked them in the eye as she said, “I promise.” They locked pinkies as Y/n said, “I think I like girls.”

Hermione blinked for a couple seconds which only led devasting thoughts in Y/n’s mind. It didn’t take long, but she responded with, “Oh for Merlin’s sake. If you’re going to tell me a secret Y/n, at least make it to something that isn’t so painfully obvious.”

Hermione broke the gaze as Y/n stared in disbelief. “Don’t look so surprised. Just as you said, maybe next time try not to be caught staring at every single girl in Hogwarts.”

Gulping down their fear, Y/n said, “You don’t mind?” Hermione shook her head. “Nope. Not one single bit. You’re still the same, just love who you love except for racists and he who shall not be named. Well there’s a list. As long as they’re not genuinely bad people and you can see them joining SPEW, then I approve.”

Y/n looked at the girl beside her in amazement and wonder. They continued the conversation as the night grew, telling even more daring secrets as the previous. But one secret did remain with Y/n that night, it was their everlasting crush on Hermione Jean Granger.

The second to last thing a home needs is the spark to light the fireplace as well as the furniture. That way the home can feel as warm and as safe to those that harbor in it.

It was a winter wonderland at Hogwarts. Students were preparing to travel back home to their respective families. However, a group of students decided to spend the last weekend at Hogsmeade before leaving the next day. Right now, they had crowed the room at The Three Broomsticks with laughter, joy, and happy memories. The air was filled with a different type of warmth, one that felt safe and even like a second home. Everyone was talking so loudly within small groups, it was hard to even feel alone. Ginny and Y/n were standing near the fire talking when Fred had grabbed the attention of the room. “Everyone. Everyone. I propose a game. Let’s do a simple muggle game called truth or dare.” Everyone in the group oood as they knew where this was going to lead. They would start with a couple truths before someone breaks the ice with a good dare. Typically, the twins were the ones to propose the dare, but not a lot could compete. “Whoever cannot complete the truth or dare shall lose. Completion allows you to stay,” George had added.

The group sat in a tight makeshift circle that almost took up all the chairs and tables provided. “I’ll start. Harry, who was the last person you snogged?” All eyes were now on the chosen one. Everyone could see his nervousness, but everyone knew he would never want to be the first one out. “Draco.” Certain eyes went wide, but Y/n simply went unphased since she somewhat caught the two making out in between classes. “No questions. Neville, is your crush in this room?” Neville immediately turned red at the question and was the first one to back out. There were small boos mainly coming from the twins. “Since Neville backed out, lets go with the person to his right, Ron. Is your crush in this room?” Ron had the same reaction as Neville but had looked at the ceiling to refrain from giving away his crush. “Yes.” Everyone looked among each other trying to figure out who it could possibly be. “Don’t even try asking who it is. Ginny since you’re bloody enjoying this, did you and Y/n ever snog?” Y/n and Ginny both went wide eyed causing the group to lean a little bit closer to the two. What added more was at how everyone knew how close the two were. Not wanting to entirely answer the question, Ginny backed out the circle causing more booing from the crowd. “What a buzzkill. However, lets just ask the second-best person. Well Y/n, have you snogged my sister?”

Y/n looked at the crowded but had kept glancing towards Hermione. Although it was a simple question, Y/n hadn’t wanted to entirely answer it. You see, Ginny and Y/n did kiss before, but it was an accident. There was a bump, a stumble, then a fall, and then an accident kiss. It didn’t mean anything to the two of them, plus Y/n felt like her heart might’ve been for somewhere. So, Y/n had followed Ginny in the same manner and backed out the circle. “Oh bloody hell! You two have a knack to keep this stupid mystery alive.” They both rolled their eyes at Ron and watched the game continue. What Y/n failed to realize was how affected a certain witch was at their answer.

The game dwindled down until there was three left and unironically it was the golden trio that had made it this far. It was a little surprising for Y/n that Hermione had made it this far. Majority of the time, Hermione would be among the first to decline doing a truth or dare. “I’m sorry Hermione, but I must win. So, I dare you to kiss Ron.” It was something about the dare that made Y/n’s stomach turn. Their mood soured so quickly that they almost felt sick. Slightly tapping Ginny’s back, Y/n whispered in her ear, “Hey, I’m gonna head outside real quick. I don’t feel so good.” Ginny gave a concerned look. She was going to say something back, but Y/n was already out the door with their hand clutching their stomach.

Besides Ginny, Hermione was the only other person that noticed Y/n had left. In her line of sight, she saw past Ron and briefly seen them leave in distress. The deafening chants of “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” didn’t register with her. The only thing running through Hermione’s mind was Y/n. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this dare guys.” Quickly getting out the circle, the chants stopped, and the game continued to declare the winner. Hermione excused herself and made her way outside. She made sure to grab hers and Y/n’s coat. “What an idiot. It’s freezing cold out there.”

Stepping out the tavern, Hermione saw various witches and wizards pass by. Some she knew and some she didn’t. Walking further out, Hermione grew frustrated after not quickly finding her friend. “Where the hell are you?” Walking around further, she saw an outline of a person. Clearly, they had no coat on with how much they were shivering. Hermione walked closer to the figure and realized it was Y/n. “For someone so bloody smart, you are such an idiot.” Hermione accidentally wrapped her own coat around Y/n. She didn’t realize she had instinctively put on her best friend’s coat. Y/n chuckled, but it was cut short due to the freezing weather. Hermione sat down beside them and focused on the view in front of them. There was a small silence between the two as they had people watched. Hermione almost forgot why she even went outside in the first place. She shook her head remembering her thought, “Are you okay? I saw you leave in a hurry.”

Y/n glanced at Hermione, giving her a sheepish smile. “Yeah, I think my stomach was just feeling off. I went outside to get better air.” Hermione looked in their eyes and was quick to call bullshit. “Better air? It’s absolutely freezing out here. Even Merlin themselves wouldn’t want to be outside this weather. So why don’t you tell me the real truth? And if you lie Y/n, I will not hesitate to read your mind.” Y/n gulped at the sound of her threat. They glanced back out into the view in front of them. Taking a deep breath, Y/n nervously replied with, “During your dare, I suddenly felt…sick…I don’t know why but my stomach felt so knotty and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. So, I left.” Y/n glanced back at Hermione and immediately noticed the look on her face. It was intense and serious. Suddenly, something in the air felt different. It was getting hotter and hotter regardless of the snow falling around them.

“Can I kiss you?” Hermione asked in such a small whisper. A lump appeared in Y/n’s throat. They didn’t know what to quite say. They never really thought about what their feelings meant towards Hermione, but then again, everyone practically knew that Y/n and Hermione were in love with each other. Y/n just happened to be the biggest dumbass when it comes to realizing their feelings for others. But here Y/n was. They weren’t answering the question, but felt themselves leaning in. The two closed their eyes and was slowly leaning in. Hermione felt her heart beating so fast that she was certain it would explode, but she didn’t care. She knew that for so long, she wanted this.

However…the moment never arrived. It was cut off from a distant yell, “Y/n!” The two quickly separated and looked at different directions. Suddenly Hermione took it a step further and slightly moved away from Y/n. “There you are – I’ve been looking every where for you!” Ginny jogged up to the duo, noting the awkward tension that emerged. “We have to go back to the castle, I’ll explain on the way.” The red head dragged away her best friend while giving a small nod towards Hermione.

When they were far enough and half way towards the castle, Ginny explained the dire situation. “It’s your parents Y/n, you have to go home. An owl was sent towards the tavern. Here, you’re going to want to read this.” Ginny handed Y/n the letter. After reading it, Y/n’s stomach dropped. “I have to get home.” Ginny sent them a look. “Clearly dumbass. Come on, let’s get your stuff.” It was eerie quiet between the two since the situation had escalated. Y/n’s parents were in trouble and needed Y/n’s help.

Back at Hogsmeade, Hermione didn’t quite know what to feel. She was so close to kissing her crush, but Ginny just had to ruin the moment. The same person she was somewhat certain had Y/n’s heart. Asking the younger lad to kiss her took all the courage Hermione had, and here she was slightly heartbroken that she was gone. So deep in thought, Hermione didn’t notice Ron sit next to her until he said something. “Hey.”

“I need you to explain to Hermione that I’m sorry.” Ginny sighed. She slightly felt guilty for ruining the moment, but time was precious and something Y/n very much needed now. “I know you saw what was going to happen, but I don’t even know what I was doing.” Closing their trunk, Y/n stood up and looked at Ginny. “I do know that I also need to realize what I feel for Hermione. For a lot of my life, I thought I just had a deep love for her. I guess now it might be even deeper.” Ginny walked up and gave Y/n a bone chilling hug.

“I’ll try my best, but she’s definitely going to want to hear it from you.” They separated. Y/n saw the tears forming in Ginny’s eyes. “I’m going to bloody miss you. Please be safe in America and you better send me an owl at least once every two weeks.” Y/n gave Ginny and small salute and crossed their heart.

“I will Ginny. Besides, I need you to deliver all the letters I write for Hermione. I really gotta figure this out.” With one last hug and a small punch to Y/n’s shoulder, the young student left Hogwarts on to the next ride to America. The letter was still clutched in her hand and in it was detailed the long passage of how to save Y/n’s parents from the very people chasing after them. Y/n didn’t quite know how long it was going to take to save their parents, but they could only hope Hermione could understand. “Please wait for me.” Y/n whispered to Hermione in particular, but the younger witch didn’t hear those words. Instead, Hermione heard comforting words from a different red head.

The last thing a home needs is the very people that should live in it. It needs family, friends, and most certainly you and me.

Y/n stood, pacing around the bathroom. They knew time was running out, it was now or never. “Why? Why? Why? Why?” Y/n stood still and pinched the bridge of their nose. Eyes closed, Y/n pondered more and more about all of the things they didn’t do. How could they have let this go on for this long? Why did they let it go on for this long? Deep in thought, Y/n didn’t notice a certain ginger walk into the bathroom. “Y/n, what in the bloody hell are you doing there?  Hermione has been calling you and quite worried sick. If it wasn’t her big day, I would have already knocked you out you big prat.”

Y/n glanced at the second most important person of her life. With a heavy sigh, Y/n slid down the wall. Their knees were propped, hands in their face, and heart in their throat. “I don’t know what to do anymore Ginny.” Ginny pursed her lips and looked back out the door, making sure the coast was clear, before locking the door. She laid her small bouquet of flowers on the sink and sat down near Y/n while trying not to mess up her dress.

“Although I love my idiot brother with all my heart…I somehow love you more.” They sat there together knowing where this was going. “I can’t do it Ginny. I really can’t sit there without feeling like my world is crashing apart right in front of my eyes…The worst thing about it is, I can only blame myself for letting it go this long.”

Ginny rested her head on her best friend’s shoulder. She didn’t quite know what to say anymore. Offering her presence and her ear was the only thing left. “I-I-I spent so long in other countries to try and find my parents while trying to find myself. To try and figure out what I feel for her and by the time I have, she’s already engaged to another…And it’s my stupid fucking fault for ever thinking Hermione would wait. I mean why would she? If some other bloke can already provide her happiness, why should she wait for me? For…us?” Y/n hadn’t realized they were crying until their hands suddenly felt wet. “It’s sad, isn’t it?” Y/n said as they wiped their tears. “What is?”

“Knowing I am my own cause for my sadness. I mean who I am to blame Hermione. The girl was only doing what Aristotle says. Because as he said, we all want to be selfishly happy.” Sighing in defeat, Y/n got up and dusted off their attire. Lending their hand out, Ginny got up and did the same manner. “How much time do I got?”

Ginny looked at the clock in the bathroom. “You have five minutes before she needs to be walking down the isle.” With a small smile, Y/n kissed Ginny forehead and said a small goodbye. The two were only going to part ways for merely a bit. After all, Ginny is Y/n’s second-best friend. But here was Y/n, jogging to the very person that was going to forever have their heart.

Standing outside the bride’s room, Y/n silently prayed and opened the door. There she was in all her glory, the bride to be, the love of her life, the Hermione Granger. However, the brunette herself wasn’t feeling so great. With all the stress of wanting the wedding to be perfect, it wasn’t helping that her very best friend was mysteriously disappearing all the time without a single word. She looked up and sighed once she saw who it was. Picking up her dress, Hermione strutted to Y/n as they closed the door behind them. “Do you have any clue how worried sick I have been?”

“I-” With a single motion of Hermione’s hand, Y/n remained silent. “And anytime I happen to need my best friend to calm me down, they’re nowhere in sight. What is wrong with you? This is my special day Y/n and you haven’t been as great of a friend as you should be. So please, enlighten me where have you been running off to that’s sooo important that you need to leave me?” It was those piercing eyes that made Y/n’s heart melt over and over again. It’s those very same eyes that could practically melt the iceberg that hit the titanic. And it’s those eyes that makes Y/n’s world spin again.

“I…I can’t be your friend Hermione.” Y/n’s voice was so soft and so delicate, Hermione almost questioned if her ears were playing tricks. “What are you bloody saying? You’re not making any sense.” And all the remaining courage Y/n could muster up, they held her hands, looked her in the eyes and said, “When I was gone, I learned of this great philosopher named Kant-” “What does this have to-” Hermione saw the silently begging eyes in front of her and shut her mouth. This was serious and she wasn’t quite sure if she was ready for it.

“He always focused on good principles and always asked about the before of the action. Generally, he believed others should necessarily treat people how they want to be treated. So, a short example is that one should never lie under any circumstances. It does not matter the outcome, but it is simply something you must do. And although I’ve never really believed in absolute, I’ve been asking myself if I should tell the truth. And if people actually deserve to know the truth. So while I thought about it and asked, well what if they deserve the truth, should I still tell them regardless of the outcome? Although I thought I knew a lot of the world, it turns out I only know two things. One is that you deserve to know the absolute truth Hermione and the second is…you are the lie I repeat at night. Because every night I tell I love you, the truth is…I am so in love with you Hermione.”

The world went silent for Hermione. Not even a single pin drop could break the silence for her. Here she was still holding her best friend’s hands as they had just admitted that they were in love with her. “And I’m so sorry Hermione that today of all days was when I told you. I know I had my chances in the letters I sent but I must be honest now because you still deserve the absolute truth. And I’m running out of words to say, because it would be too selfish of me to convince you to run away. So I offer my congratulations Hermione, but I must still run. For then maybe in the blur of life, I can see a small fragment where there could have been you and I.” Y/n kissed Hermione’s forehead as tears may their way down. Letting go of Hermione, Y/n silently walked out the room without turning back because if they had, they would have broken down.

So, while Y/n told Hermione the truth directly. Hermione stood still at the alter with someone who she is most positively certain she loves pondering the very question, “Do I run after the truth?”

[gwynrielendgame]

Nyx x Tamlin’s daughter part 3

Y’all cannot stop me from writing this series 😭😭I want to write more gwynriel, but the thought of a love triangle has angered me once again, so my hyper fixation has transferred elsewhere.

If you have any suggestion for future fics leave a comment below.

"Do you think mates are as rare as the Fae say? Everyone in my life seems to have a mate, yet lore claims it to be rare." Nyx turned his head from his spot next to Isa in the meadow. They laid right next to each other as they stared up at the sky. Close enough to touch, yet not feeling it necessary in the moment.

"That iz odd that your entire family iz mated." She laughed. "Your family are the only mates I have ever met, so I would say it iz rare for everyone except them." He sighed deeply.

"What troubles you?" Isa turned her head away from the sky to look at Nyx.

"What if I never get a mate?"

"Then you never get a mate."

"Isa, I am being serious right now." He groaned as he lifted himself up onto his elbows, so that he could look at her without the grass getting in the way.

"I am too. It will happen or it will not happen. No point in fretting over it." She shrugged as if it truly did not bother her. Nyx did not understand her.

"You really do not care if you ever find a mate?"

"I do not need a mate to find love or pleasure."

"But what if you find your mate while with someone else?" He felt the need to point out. He could not love someone while his mate was still out there. Nyx thought it selfish to love someone with the knowledge they were not his mate. What would they do once he did find his mate? What would he do?

"Like my father and your mother?" Isa raised an eyebrow at this.

"Well not exactly like that, but yes I suppose." Nyx laid himself back on the grass and looked back up at the sky. Isa turned her head away after a minute as well.

"Well if they were truly my mate, then they would wait for me. And if the person I was with is not my mate, then fate has us ending at some point, no? I would let everything occur naturally I suppose."

"If you were my mom, would you have left Tamlin for my father if he had not been awful?" Nyx had always been curious about Isa's opinion on the matter. She always seemed so spiteful of Feyre that perhaps she had heard a different story than what Nyx knew to be true.

"Yes. I would have found myself unhappy with life as a wife. I was made for so much more than that." She let out a deep sigh. Nyx contemplated her answer. He supposed that to be true. He could not imagine Isa playing house wife to anyone, but especially one that expected her to pop out babies and display herself only when beneficial to them.

"Would you ever marry?" He asked. She seemed quick to offer a marriage proposal to Nyx when they first met, but that had obviously been a joke.

"For love?" She shrugged. "I am far more likely to marry for political power than I am for love. I am strides behind with alliances among the seven high lords. When I take power the Spring Court will be weak simply because I am unknown of. Other courts will test my strength and intelligence."

"That is strategic." He also felt it was sad. She clearly was not a romantic at heart like he was. "I want more from life than power. I want what my parents have. Is that too much to ask for?" Nyx found himself frustrated with the fact that he had not found his mate yet. He had to keep reminding himself that it took his father five hundred years and his grandfather nine hundred years. It might make him mad if he had to wait that long though.

"I shall pray to the spirits about it."

"About what?"

A noise interrupted them before she could respond. Both of them stood quickly to surveil their surroundings. They saw nothing, but moved to put their backs to each other so that they could not be blindsided. Isa pulled her two short swords from their sheaths as Nyx prepared his ax and shield.

"What was that?" He whispered to her. She shushed him as they turned simultaneously with their backs still firmly placed together.

"Let's get out of here." She finally responded back but before he could respond a figured winnowed right in front of each of them and blew a powdery substance onto them. They winnowed away again just as Isa lifted one sword.

"Shit." She muttered. Nyx tried to winnow only to discover that he could not. Fucking faebane he thought. Nyx's hand went slack around his ax, and then a group of six males approached them. They came at them from Isa's side so Nyx turned to face the males. He stumbled a bit. The line of Fae males stopped about twenty paces away. Nyx did not recognize them. It was possible that Isa did, but she did not say otherwise as they stood across from them. Each male was armed with a weapon and a shield.

"I will take the three on the left. You got the other three?" She asked. He did not respond as she ran towards them. He wanted to wait to let them make the first move, but after she started running, the assailants came forward as well.

He seemed caught in a trance, watching Isa fight. One of her swords clashed with the tallest male while she simultaneously swiped at another one of the fighters. The tallest one swung his arm out, almost decapitating Isa, but she bent backward at the last second. She sliced an artery in one of their legs before checking her surroundings. Nyx assumed she was looking for him, but he had not yet moved for some reason. The second of distraction allowed for the tall one to cut her arm. It was so deep that Nyx swore he could see the bone all the way from here. The only acknowledgment of pain from Isa was a grunt, and then she ran her sword right through him. Nyx was jostled from his trance by an approaching fighter. Surprisingly, he walked up to him at a leisurely pace. Isa, once again, glanced back.

"Nyx!" She shouted as the male lifted his weapon. Isa tried to run back towards Nyx, but was tackled to the ground as she started to flee. Right before the male delivered the killing blow, his face started to droop. Nyx stared in horror as his face appeared to be melting off. The assailant went to grab at his face as he stumbled away from Nyx. His screams would haunt Nyx's nightmares for a very long time after this. He looked for Isa again. She was slicing the neck of one of the males on his knees. To his surprise though, her tattoos were glowing. She used witch magic, he realized.

"Move your ass, Nyx." She shouted from where she engaged all three males.

He continued to find himself surprised that they focused all their attention on her. He was not proving to be much of a threat, he supposed. He willed himself to move towards Isa, but something stopped him. He wanted to help his friend, he truly did. Her use of blood magic made things complicated. He did not want to be associated with the mayhem that was bound to be the consequences of it. As she took out her fourth male, the last two winnowed away. He watched her take a deep breathe of relief. Their eyes made contact, but before she could start berating him, the males reappeared right in front of Nyx.

"Fight!" Isa shouted. Nyx assumed his reflexes were worse than he originally thought because he did not move a muscle. The males smiled at each other and then they burst in flames. It horrified Nyx to watch them burn, to hear their pleas and screams. He could do nothing to stop it. He flicked his eyes to Isa as she intently watched the burning men. Her tattoos were glowing still, and she was reciting something. He could not hear her, but watched as her lips moved. After what felt like an eternity, the males were nothing but ash. He could hear their screams echoing in his ears though.

"Vat da fook vaz dat?"

It was the thickest he had ever heard her accent which meant she was spitting mad. He could not necessarily fault her for her anger, but he was in shock. Even in war, he had not quite seen brutality to that extent in a fight. Nyx continued to stare at the body with the face that Isa melted off. His eyes flickered back to her. She was breathing heavily and had a deep cut on her arm that she was now trying to twist around with a ripped piece of cloth from her dress. Her tattoos were no longer glowing, but several new ones appeared on her hands and fingers. They looked similar to her others, but now they were bright red and irritated as if someone had scratched them into her skin instead of tattooing ink. She wiped sweat and dirt away from her forehead and roughly pulled her hair away from her bruised face in a messy updo.

"Are you actually insane?" Isa asked.

She was more composed now as she slipped into strategic mode. She was planning on what to do now since Nyx was obviously going to be of no assistance and they could not winnow for probably a few more hours. He continued to stare at the bodies, thinking of how easy it seemed for her to do this. Even now, she seemed unbothered.

"I mean when Lucien said you were a mediocre fighter, I assumed that meant you vould at least fight. Not just stand there as I did all the work."

She was digging through all their pockets rather roughly. She was looking for any identifying information from their attackers, but it only managed to annoy Nyx. She did not have any respect for the dead if this was how she handled their bodies.

"You melted his face off." Was all he could say. Her head snapped up to glare at him harder than she ever had anyone else. She was upon him in an instant, shoving him by his shoulders.

"To save your unhelpful ass!" She screeched.

"You set these two on fire!"

"Well I apologize that in the heat of battle I did not consider more humane methods of death." She turned to walk away.

"My father was right." He muttered to himself. Isa stopped cold in her tracks, slowly turning around. Her face was void of emotion.

"Say that again." Her voice was deathly calm. It unnerved Nyx after what he had just witnessed.

"You have claimed that witch magic is not malevolent. Clearly, your definition is a bit skewed."

"I make no apologies for how I save the people I love. And you have no right to pass judgement when you just stood there and watched! You vould have let them butcher me, yet I am the immoral one?"

They both recognized what she accidentally admitted but neither of them was willing to call attention to it or address it.

"Why did it have to be like that though? You could have used any method."

"That iz not how it works." She grabbed at her hair, clearly frustrated. "I request the help from the spirits and they oblige. I do not get a choice in the manner of their help. But trust me, it iz not without a price."

"What is the price for this?"

She pursed her lips. She would not tell him what she must give for saving both of their lives.

"You have been waiting to throw this back in my face, no? Waiting for one moment where you could prove your parents were not in the wrong?" Isa was pacing back and forth at this point, but her tattoos had finally stopped glowing.

"Trust me, I never expected something like this from you." Nyx spat at her. He wanted to reel in his anger. However, he found it almost impossible.

"Do not zit on your high horse and pretend your father would not have done the exact same thing for your mother."

"We are not my parents." He reminded her. She tried to compose herself before Nyx could see her reaction. Unfortunately for her, she was not fast enough. Nyx watched her flinch at his vehement response.

"Vell you are certainly right about that. Neither of your parents would have stood and vatched as the other risked their life."

He had no excuse for why he stood there. Normally, he would have fought side by side with her. He had fought in battles before and he thought he had seen all the evils war had to offer. This was a completely different level. While they had been outnumbered, the males were unskilled and untrained. Isa could have held them off alone with no magic. It may have required more effort, but Nyx believed any magic was unnecessary. As much as he wanted to help, for some reason his body refused to move. The faebane the attackers used did not allow for them to winnow away, but Nyx had never heard of it impacting the body physically.

"You could have shape shifted." She laughed almost hysterically at that.

"If you knew what my other form vaz, you vould realize that death by it vould not be lezz brutal."

He shook his head and finally moved from his position. He started scouting the area to make sure there were no more assailants hiding anywhere.

"Oh, zo now you are helpful?" It was full of sarcasm as she rolled her eyes. She plopped herself down on the ground and closed her eyes.

Nyx was not exactly sure why he was so angry. Perhaps it was because he felt embarrassed that she saved both of them while he stood there like a statue. Perhaps he felt lied to like everything she had ever defended was really just a scheme to win over the Night Court. But truly? It had more to do with the fact that if he had aided Isa, she would not have felt the need to use her witch magic.

"Damn-ti your parents to come retrieve us." She demanded after laying down on the grass and covering her eyes with the crook of her arm to block out the sun.

Now why could he not think of that before? Just another thought to make him feel guilty. He almost corrected her enunciation like he normally did, but he stopped himself in the last second.

"Oh and next time, a zimple thank you vould suvice."

                                           ***

"What the hell happened?" Tamlin shouted as Feyre and Rhysand winnowed in Isa and Nyx. Isa was looking worse for wear, but since neither of the children were talking, the high lord and lady did not have an answer. Tamlin zeroed in on Isa's hands and the new tattoos that were present.

"Oh Isa," his voice changed and was suddenly much graver than it had been. "What have you done?"

"Vat I had to." She snapped as she dropped herself down on the couch in Tamlin's study. She was exhausted after the fight and just wanted to sleep.

"Well you look fucking fine." Tamlin turned his glare to Nyx from where he stood in front of his desk. "Care to explain why you leave with my daughter in perfect condition, and return her home on the brink of collapse?"

Nyx clenched his jaw. He did not want to say anything in front of Tamlin or his daughter. He wanted to go home and talk to his parents. Though, his parents kept giving him nervous glances, so he was unsure if they would be willing to do that right about now.

"Just leave it." Isa muttered. Her eyes were closed with her good arm thrown over her face. Rhysand scanned Isa's entire body. His eyes rested on her hands like Tamlin's had.

"What did you give? To protect our son?" His voice was soft and his eyes were sad. He must have known more than Nyx about potential consequences of witch magic. Feyre sat next to Isa on the couch to grab her hand. Nyx was confused by his parents change of heart where Isa was concerned. Previously, they had always been antagonistic towards her, but now they were being...soft.

"My first born." She muttered. Feyre sucked in a harsh breath as Tamlin closed his eyes in frustration. Nyx did not know how to feel. She was willing to give up her first child for him? He felt that only proved his point further. What kind of female was willing to give up a future child for a male she barely knew just three months ago? And one that was not even her mate? Nyx furrowed his brow.

"I never asked you to do that." He defended, but he was only met with three pairs of glaring eyes that told him to remain quiet. Isa must have been exhausted though because her response was understanding.

"I know."

Tamlin did not understand, however. He pounded his fist on the desk.

"Isabelle, you are my only offspring. It is your responsibility to continue the family line. There will be no one to succeed after you die, if you do not conceive multiple children. You know how difficult this is for the fae." Something he said ignited a fire in Isa. She immediately sat up from the couch to glare at her father.

"That iz not a fair responsibility to put on me! You could have more children! All you would have to do iz stick it in a different woman everyday until one stuck."

"Isabelle, watch your mouth." He scolded her as though she were a child. Tamlin walked back around the desk and took a seat. Isa took a long, deep breath before speaking again.

"I do not," she paused nervously, looking around. "Think I vant children." She finished. Isa rubbed her hands together in a way that she normally did when she felt anxious. Suddenly, Nyx felt his parents and him should not be here for this conversation. It felt private. Nyx never knew Isa may not want children. They had never really discussed it, but had assumed- as much as Tamlin did, apparently- that she would have at least one to continue the line.

"Oh." Tamlin awkwardly shifted in his chair. He made eye contact with Feyre and tried to motion to her to say some words of comfort. Feyre patted Isa's arm gently.

"You might change your mind once you find your mate?" Feyre offered unhelpfully. Tamlin put her on the spot and she was unsure what words of comfort Isa may be seeking. Those were not it if her reaction was anything to go by. She huffed loudly.

"Does not matter now, no? I cannot have children without sacrificing the first one which I vill not do. Besides, I am no mare meant for breeding. I vas meant for something more than being stuck at home caring for and nurturing a child."

"That is hardly a fair assessment of motherhood Isa." Feyre shook her head as she said this. "You can still do great things and be a mother."

"Are you to tell me that you took trips to the Court of nightmares to handle izzues while Rhysand stayed home and breastfed Nyx?" Isa raised her eyebrows at his mother. "That you vere able train amongst Rhysand, Cassian, and Azriel while pregnant? Vould you have ever earned the title 'cursebreaker' if you had been a mother at the time?"

"Motherhood is not without challenge." Feyre once again defended.

"And that is what I speak of. I do not want challenge. I have too many obstacles to overcome as it is. I do not want to add the obligation of a child to that." Isa pulled at her hair. Nyx felt it best that he stay quiet. There were too many emotions flying as it was, no need to add fuel to the fire.

"Enough." Tamlin declared. "Isa, you are right. I should never have put that responsibility on you. I could just as easily have another child."

Isa let out a breathe in relief. Nyx could see that she feared disappointing her father. He wondered if she would have had multiple children if Tamlin had insisted on it. Luckily for Isa, Tamlin seemed to have changed his ways from when his mother and him were together.

"I think it is best if you were to leave." Tamlin suggested as he stared at Nyx's parents. "I need to check on Isa's wounds and continue this conversation...privately." Feyre nodded before walking over to where Rhysand stood.

"Thank you again, Isa." Rhys murmured before grabbing both wife and son and winnowing away.

"Thank fuck." Is all Isa managed to say.

[bellylivesthepoguelife]

i need you. [part 2]

Note: I can’t say “THANK YOU” enough to @mbabystein​ for beta-ing this! I sent it when I was *thought* I was done, and she said, “hang on a sec.” After discussing, I added 1,000+ words to it, and it is SO much better than what I initially wrote! I can’t WAIT to hear what y’all think of this one! ;)

Also! I got this request a few days ago and it fit SO perfect that i HAD to use it for part2!

Request: Hey can I request "I just want you to hold me." with jarah b??!💗

Word Count: 2.8K

(Part 1)

It's an hour later when their tears stop, and a numb, tingling sensation creeps into their bones. They don't speak for the longest time, each unable to escape the funnel of thoughts ringing too loud in their heads. Sarah is the first to break the silence. Sitting up straighter from where she was slouched against John B's chest. She doesn't look at him as she speaks.

"How mad are you." It's not phrased like a question even though it is.

She feels him swallow and clear his throat. "I'm not mad, Sarah."

Her eyes almost roll, and she's thankful that they're not looking at each other. "What are you then?" Silence. "I know you're feeling something."

His head makes a soft thud as he rests it against the wall he's leaning against. She'd bet a good amount of money that his eyes are closed as well.

"So many things."

She tries to ignore the thumping of her heart, tries to even out the quickening of her breaths. "Please tell me." She whispers. "I need to know what you're thinking."

There's more silence as he forms his thoughts. "I'm scared." He confesses.

She wraps her arms around him, hoping she can make him feel some of the comfort he'd been providing her. "Me too."

"How are you feeling?" His hands run up and down her arms, his unconscious way of comforting her.

"I'm terrified." A kiss is pressed to her hair, and the tenderness of it catches her off guard. The tears come before she even realizes, and she sits up straight, wiping at her eyes. "And I want to stop crying!"

John B smooths her hair back a couple times. "It's okay, you can cry."

"I don't want to cry. I want to talk."

He pulls his knee up to rest his arm it so he can still play with Sarah's hair or rub her back. "So let's talk."

She's quiet for a long time, staring straight ahead. John B stays silent, allowing her the time to think and gather her thoughts but he's still the first to break the silence. "You know if you want to talk about things, you have to actually say the words you're thinking?" He smiles and plays with a piece of hair before tucking it behind her ear. "Don't shut me out, Val. Please. Let me into that pretty head of yours. Let me help you carry some of this." Sarah turns to look at the man sitting on the floor with her, the only thing he wants is to help her. "You can start from anywhere, and we'll work our way through it."

Nodding, she takes a breath and allows him into the hurricane of her thoughts "Okay, well obviously I'm going to get fat--bye-bye bikinis..." She rolls her eyes and John B has to focus on not letting a smile break out on his face; because of course that would be the first thing out of Sarah Cameron's mouth. "...and I'm going to get sick all the time, which is obviously no fun." John B echoes something that sounds like "definitely no fun" and the commentary makes her smile. "Then there's telling everyone, and--fuck--what is everyone going to think." She runs a hand through her hair. "Who even is everyone? I don't exactly have the best parental figures in the world. My dad and my brother are in prison. How am I going to be able to even look at Wheezie." John B nods. "We obviously have to tell JJ, Pope, and Kie, and they're just gonna give us even more shit for being irresponsible."

"I think they may surprise you."

"Really?" She deadpans. "You really think they're going to be excited about this and not give us any shit?"

He sits up straighter. "I don't know about any shit, especially knowing JJ, but he'll just give it to me. I think they'll be nicer than you think."

"They're gonna be weird about it I know it." John B doesn't comment, and she shakes her head to herself. "Can you get me a drink?"

"Of course." He knew better than to push. Especially given the current high-stress environment, he decides changing the topic might be a better route. "When did you find out?" He stands up to stretch before walking over to the mini fridge in the corner to grab a couple waters that he knew would be stashed inside.

She pulls her knees to her chest, and rests her chin on top. Her arms come to hold each other in the pyramid of space her legs make. "This morning."

"Before you called me?" He clarifies, walking back over and handing her a water before moving to sit on her bed.

She nods in agreement as she takes a sip of water, standing up and stretching before moving to sit next to him.

They sit side by side, against the wall that the dorm-standard twin bed was pushed up against, legs extended out, Sarah's head on his shoulder, while John B's arm rest across her thigh. Sarah rubbed his arm, giving him time to process.

"We should probably get you to a doctor," is the first thing to come out.

Her body tightens when she realizes what he might be insinuating. She tries to seem nonchalant, aloof, as she gauges him warily. "Why?"

"I mean, isn't that what you're supposed to do?"

"I guess..." The impulse to narrow her eyes at him is intense.

"Well, I'm assuming there's some medicine, or something that you have to take, right?" His eyebrows furrow together, and he looks at where his hand rubs circles into her thigh. "Or something to help you with getting sick all the time?"

Sarah looks up at him as he continues, but she's more comforted knowing that his only concern is her.

"There's tests you have to get too, right? Like--I don't know blood tests or something? I don't really know a lot about this." He looks down at the water bottle he's playing with in his right hand.

"Neither do I." She admits. Sarah Cameron knew how babies were made, obviously, and even had thought about having them with John B one day. One day that was years down the road, not when they were only 19. She didn't even know if John B even wanted kids. Sure, they had talked about it in passing but never with any serious intent. He and JJ were the free spirit, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, don't-make-plans-more-than-a-year-in-advance kind of people. She wasn't expecting him to be excited by the news by any means. Hell, she's not even thrilled with the idea right now. But he's still here, with her. She knows he loves her. Has to keep reminding herself so the fears of "he's going to be so pissed" and "he's going to leave you" stay far away. Having him here helps reinforce it.

His breath hitches, and breaks her train of thought. "I mean, they have to make sure you're okay, right?" His words are coming a bit quicker now. "That you're okay. That you and- and..."

She meets his eyes, and sees nothing but fear and concern there. Her hand rubs against his on her leg. "You can say it, John B, it's okay."

His eyes close, and he clears his throat. "That you... and the baby... are okay." He whispers. His breath jerks again just before she sees the first tear slide down his cheek.

"John B." She has to wonder if this is how he felt this morning, when he was still unaware of the situation. Only knowing that she was hurting. She straddles his legs, gently pulling his shoulders from the wall and into her embrace. "It's okay. We're going to be okay."

"I know." It comes out sharper than he probably intends, but he's quick to cover it up. "Sorry." He pulls back, running a hand over his face. "Anyway, what else did you want to talk about."

"I want to talk about you."

He gives a humorless laugh. "We're not talking about me, Sarah."

"You're a part of this situation, too." She gives him a look that dares him to defy her. "So, yes, we're talking about you."

"I'm not the one going through this."

He's deflecting and she knows it. "Maybe not, but you're involved just as much as I am. This is half of you, too."

"Dammit, Sarah!" His outburst startles both of them. She sits back on her heels, legs still on either side of him. "I'm trying to help you! Trying to--be strong for you because I know how scared you are. I don't care about how I feel--I don't want to talk about me because I'm the one that put you in this situation in the first place! So just--just let me take care of you! Please!"

As painful as it is to watch him break, she knows that this is what he needs. Sarah immediately pulls him into her, again. This time his hands wrap around her back, squeezing lighter than usual. She holds his head to her and plays with the hair at the nape of his neck, taking on the supportive role, and allowing him to be the one to break down for once. "I'm so sorry."

She pulls back enough to place a kiss to the side of his head. "It's not your fault. Vlad, we're going to be okay, I promise. It'll be okay." She's not sure if she's trying to convince herself or him, and she doesn't know who needs to hear it more.

It's as if the tears shed stimulate the need to make the fear known because he's pulling away to put his hand on either side of her face. "Sarah," there are still tears falling, and Sarah thinks there's no way she deserves the man sitting in front of her. "You're already getting sick. You're probably only going to get worse! And you're here, and I'm in the OBX, and I don't know the first thing about any of this! I don't know how to take care of a baby! I know they're expensive, so how the hell am I going to be able to support one when I've never even held one! And now there's one inside of you, and..." the thought seems to remind him of something else, because all of a sudden he's frantic. "And you're going to have to go through labor to get it out--oh god. Oh god--"

"John B." He's going to have a panic attack if she doesn't interrupt his spiraling thought process. "John B, look at me." His hands have moved to his head. She's pulling at them, hoping that looking at her while she speaks will ground him.

"You didn't ask for this, Sarah!" He pulls his hands away, and the anguish in his eyes brings tears to her own.

"You didn't either!" The short laugh that leaves her throat is unexpected even to her. "Babe, I love you, but you are completely freaking out. You make it sound like I just told you I only have 6 months to live."

He doesn't respond, and she feels a tug in her chest.

"What do you need, JB." Her voice is soft as she brushes a thumb under his eye. "What can I do to help you?"

There's a ragged breath, another couple moments of no one speaking. "Can you... I just want you to hold me. Please." Sarah's arms are locked around him in an instant, and the confession brings both of them to tears. Just like earlier, they allow themselves to feel the push and pull of the emotions that come in waves.

"This isn't a death sentence." She breaks the silence thinking maybe he needs the clarification. He said he doesn't know anything, but she hopes he at least knows this much. "I'm pregnant. Not dying." She kisses his shoulder to reiterate. "Yeah, you live in the OBX, but I can take a break from classes--"

"I don't want you to have to do that." He interrupts.

"It wouldn't be forever." She concedes. "And if I didn't want to do that, I could always switch to online. Point is: there's ways around that." She runs her hands through his hair, giving him another grounding technique. "Babies are expensive, yeah, but we've got some of the gold money to hold us over, and that's more than enough to support us and a baby." There's a pause, and he nods, rubbing a hand across his face to wipe his cheeks. The tears have subsided for the most part now, and Sarah's hoping that her words are getting through to him. "And yes, I will have to go through labor. But that's way down the road, and we will be able to talk through all of this so we will know what to expect, and make plans so we're prepared."

His eyes slide closed, and he mentally prepares to be his most vulnerable. "Sarah, I can't lose you."

"And you won't." A kiss to his forehead brings a smile to his lips. "You're not."

His arms wrap around her torso again, holding her like his only lifeline. "I'm just--I guess I'm scared that you're going to be upset with how this is going to change everything... you'll blame me... resent me..."

Sarah presses her forehead to his. Looking in his eyes so he knows she's serious. "That's how I felt this morning. I thought you wouldn't want it... wouldn't want me. I mean it's not like this is something we planned on." He starts to explain himself, most likely in disbelief that she would think that of him, but she cuts him off. "But now you're here. Holding me... and we're talking... and now that I know you're not angry and resentful... I don't know. There's a part of me that might be a little excited." His face softens then, her confession easing the tension that had taken a permanent hold on his body. "Do you think that maybe... maybe at some point down the line you might be excited, too?"

He kisses her then, hard and long, like there's a time limit. "I can be excited." He breathes. "I just can't handle the thought of you suffering, or hurting."

She kisses him this time. "I'm pregnant." She repeats. "I'm not dying. There's going to be some hard things, sure, but there's going to be some really beautiful things, too." He smiles then, and she thinks they might be okay.

"Do you think..." He starts, but then thinks better of it.

"Do I think what?"

He shakes his head and looks a bit embarrassed. "No, it's dumb."

She smiles at the change in their conversation, wondering how they both aren't suffering from emotional whiplash. "No it's not. Please ask me. What do you want to know?"

John B plays with his signature bandana and takes a minute to gather his courage, though it comes at the price of making sure there is no chance of eye contact when he asks. "Do you think... that maybe... I might be able to see the test?"

Whatever it was that she thought her boyfriend was going to ask, it sure as hell wasn't that. She just stares at him while her brain takes a minute to process the request. "You..." When she realizes what he's asking, she immediately jumps up to retrieve the piece of plastic from her desk drawer. "yeah. yeah, of course." She scrambles back on the bed, and sits on the edge of where he now had his legs folded underneath him. She hands over the test, and watches warily.

His hands are on both sides of it as he studies the two lines that shifted their whole lives. "Wow." He breathes, glancing up to see her smiling back at him. "Wow."

"Yeah." She agrees. "It's kind of crazy, huh."

"Crazy..." It's as if he can't stop looking at it. "So there really is a baby inside of you."

She nods, though he can't see it because he's still staring at the test in his hands. "There is. A baby that is half of you and half of me." He looks embarrassed again, and she can't help but wonder what's going through his head. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Can I..." He doesn't elaborate and doesn't look at her.

Here eyebrows furrow. "Can you what, John B?"

He doesn't answer, but moves to sit beside her, even though they're facing each other. His hand reaches out hesitantly, and her throat tightens with emotions that she refuses to let show. "Can I?"

She closes her eyes to stop the tears from falling, and nods silently. She can sense his presence close to her, and the feather-light pressure of his hand on the stomach forces a whimper to escape her throat. She feels his other hand brush the side of her face, and leans into the touch.

"I love you, Sarah Cameron." is the whisper that leaves his mouth before he presses it to hers.

[thestrippershateyou]

Radfems: “I think sex work should be illegal! That will stop rape and sex trafficking!”

What ACTUALLY happens when sex work is illegal:

Alaska

“One of [the police officers] put his hand up my skirt and ripped my underwear off. He slammed me down on the car, he injured me. Um, left me with some broken fingertips, broken toes, fractured cheekbone... I was bleeding, I had my skirt ripped... people were just mortified because they'd seen a teenage girl get assaulted by a police officer..”.— study respondent

Baltimore

“Prior to the DOJ investigation, an internal investigation by the BCPD found an officer receiving sex from a sex worker in exchange for money and immunity from arrest. The case was closed without any attempt to gather more evidence, interview the police officer, or prosecute the officer. Cases were opened for the same officer a second and third time for the same offense. The witness for the third case died before she could be interviewed, and only then did the BCPD review the officer's phone records and discover that he had sent sexually explicit messages to a number of female sex workers. The officer was allowed to retire. The DOJ found similar cases involving other officers.”

Chicago

“I was solicited by a police officer who said that if I had sex with him he wouldn't arrest me. So I did. Then afterwards he cuffed me and pressed charges anyway.“

“I was going to meet a new john, it turned out to be a sting set up by the cops. He got violent with me, handcuffed me and then raped me. He cleaned me up for the police station and I got sentenced to four months in jail for prostitution.”

“I keep being arrested in Rogers Park just for standing still. They keep taking me in for prostitution even though I'm not doing anything at all. It's the same white cop doing it too.”

“When being held in protective custody [because they said I was a victim of human trafficking] they started withholding my sheets, then towels, then pillows, then food because they said I wasn't telling them everything I could—when in fact I was.”

(Claiming non trafficking victims are actually trafficking victims as justification for abusing them - Hey, radfems, the police are stealing your tactics!)

“Twenty four percent of street-based sex workers had been raped by a police officer. Twenty percent had experienced other sexual assault from police officers. Women doing survival sex and women in drug houses experienced a lot of violence from police. Thirty percent of exotic dancers who had been raped were raped by police, and twenty percent of the sexual violence they experienced was committed by police. Twenty five percent of escorts had been robbed by a police officer. Eighteen percent of escorts had been forced to masturbate a police officer.”

Las Vegas

“One respondent was given the choice between arrest and doing something "disgusting". She wouldn't tell the researcher what she was asked to do, but she told the other police officers at the station about it and they laughed at her.

A respondent was asked by an officer to show her breasts in order to avoid arrest. Another respondent had charges dropped because of police misconduct; the officer who arrested her had her perform oral sex on him.”

Miami

“One respondent was arrested because she refused to have sex with the officers who arrested her. Another was asked by an officer for sex, but she was afraid it was a set up and said no.”

New Orleans

“Survey respondents said that police profiled transgender people as sex workers and subjected them to verbal abuse and sexual misconduct, including demands for sex in exchange for leniency. Police were arresting people for solicitation if they carried condoms. Even trans sex workers who weren't arrested for carrying condoms saw it happen to others and where afraid to carry condoms. Some police officers used possession of condoms to coerce trans sex workers into providing free sexual services.

People who tested positive for HIV while in jail were visited by an HIV task force that scheduled appointments at a clinic. However, many people were rearrested before their scheduled appointment. One woman was arrested ten times in three years, preventing her from going to any scheduled appointments to receive care for her HIV infection during that period. Jail interrupts taking medication on a regular basis.”

(I know radfems don’t care about trans people though. Y’all are definitely celebrating the New Orleans situation as a success.)

New York City

“Examples of police language: bitch ho slut you're not dead yet? we gotta go clean up the trash why should we help you?”

(Again, I know radfems approve of this. This is how they talk to me.)

Police raped me a couple of times in Queens. The last time that happened was a couple of months ago. But you don't tell anybody. You just deal wit it.— nineteen year old female

“Police officers propositioned underage youth and made lewd comments. Most female youth in the study reported trading sex to avoid arrest. Pimps were not arrested or received less jail time than the youth that worked with them, even when one of the youths was identified as fourteen years old.”

Thirty percent of the respondents reported threats of violence from the police, and twenty seven percent reported experiencing violence. One respondent said "I've seen cops get out of a car and beat a girl, and then get back in the car and leave." Another said that her greatest fear during arrest was "not coming home at all." The white woman from the Bronx said "... they throw you on the floor and they step on you..."

Another respondent reported seeing officers injure a women in the pelvic area to prevent her from working. “... it was like he was squeezing a handball or something, but really really hard... it was two guys in a car and they drove up on the sidewalk. He pushed her against the wall and then he pushed her against the wall after he finished that and then he said "now get off the street"...-respondent

“One likes to beat me now and then, or he wants me to suck his dick. I mean, it's crazy. He hits me with his gun and gives me these marks on my legs and my back. I don't know what to do...I can't call the other cops. I did that once and they asked this guy to stop beating me. But he got so mad that he came around and beat me up even worse. So I really have to get out of here. Now he wants me to give him 25% of what I make...I had to go to the hospital because I got beat so bad. — respondent

San Francisco 

“4% of respondents described being threatened with arrest unless they had sex with a police officer. 8% said they were arrested after having sex with a police officer. 5% said they were arrested after refusing to have sex with a police officer. 40% of interactions with police officers during the previous three months were bad or very bad.”

Washington DC

38.5% of survey respondents reported being humiliated or verbally abused by police during relatively minor interactions such as checking ID. One respondent said the officer called her a whore, prostitute, and trick. During 8.6% of these interactions, officers confiscated or destroyed safe sex supplies, including condoms. 17.3% of respondents said that police-initiated interactions involved the officer asking for sexual services, or demanding sexual services to avoid arrest. 9.1% of respondents reported being assaulted by police officers. 3 respondents reported strip searches.

Seventy eight respondents were profiled as sex workers and ordered to "move along." The most common result of this was that they ended up in an area where they felt less safe.

75% of trans people and 82.4% of Latinos said they were treated worse than others when they were in lock up.

When the survey respondents initiated contact with the police, usually to report a crime, in a number of cases the police tried to have sex with them. This seemed to be particularly true of trans Latinas.

Studies not limited to certain areas

“Police abuse of sex workers includes verbal insults, coerced sex, brutal beatings, and rape. When police know that a woman is a sex worker, they may harass her when she is not working.The most common abuses are verbal abuse and threats to arrest sex workers if the police don't receive sexual services. Police often assume that sex workers don't care who they will have sex with and will do anything to avoid arrest. But experienced street-based sex workers often refuse to provide free services. They are resigned to frequent arrests, including arrests for questionable charges. What they want to avoid are fear and indignity forced on them by bad officers.“

“During arrest or taking someone into custody, police often degrade or humiliate sex workers, including removing wigs or clothing, confiscating or destroying property, making homophobic, anti-transgender, and racists slurs, and engaging on sexual harassment. Organizations working with sex workers have documented a pattern of police practice that includes assault, sexual harassment, public strip searches for the purpose of viewing genitalia, and rape. This pattern of practice is supported by the difficulty or impossibility of obtaining justice in these cases.”

“When sex workers try to report crimes against them, officers don't take their complaints seriously, refuse to file a report, and may arrest them, physically assault them, or pressure them for sex. When a sex worker tried to bring charges against a security guard who handcuffed and raped her, the police referred to the guard as "a big teddy bear", and added exculpatory statements to her report that she didn't make. This refusal to deal with crimes against sex workers leads serial killers to target sex workers and people profiled as sex workers.”

“Six of the twelve women who had been trafficking victims left their trafficking situation without help from law enforcement, through the help of a coworker or an attorney they met through a coworker or friend. Nationwide, it appears that the majority of trafficking victims escape without the involvement of law enforcement. One supervisor in a national organization said that 90% of their cases were not produced by raids or identified by law enforcement.”

Of the six trafficking victims picked up in law enforcement raids, one would have left her situation in a few days if she had not been picked up in a raid and arrested. As a result of the raid, she was pistol-whipped by a police officer and incarcerated. 

Her conclusion: “A better way to help leave my situation would be anything that didn't involve the police.”

[darlinvandijk]

Late Night Swim

Concept: y’all already know what this is, just a fic about Skinny dipping, and a beautiful boy joining you for the night time swim. Also WARNING: nudity?? And weed so that’s that. I couldn’t help myself so I just needed to write this piece LMAO Hope you enjoy ;)

I grab the joint from his hand, taking a hit, before coughing the harsh smoke out, ignoring the laughing that erupts around me. I look up and glare at the laughing boy in front of me, glaring as he mocks me, before passing the joint off next to me.

“Ruel make him stop, it’s not my fault that I coughed” I whine, looking to my right, watching as Ruel raises an eyebrow at me while taking a drag. I roll my eyes ready to complain before my head is tilted up, Ruels lips pressing against mine as he eases them open, smoke filling my mouth before I breath it in. He pulls away from me with a smirk, slowly licking his lips as he takes another hit, blowing it straight in my face with a grin. “You’re so annoying” I mumble, my eyes slightly stinging from the direct hit of smoke.

“I thought Crackerz was the annoying one, he laughed at you when you coughed, I was nice enough to help you” Ruel defends, trying not to laugh as Crackerz erupts again, laying flat on his back as he laughs at my frown. I glare at the both of them before standing up, deciding to give the boys a silent treatment, only to get pulled back down and on to Ruels lap instead. I look up at him through hazy eyes, my brain fuzzy from smoking, and my eyes trained on his pink lips, almost forgetting about the boy sitting in front of us with a disgusted look on his face. “Stop whining or I’ll find a way to shut you up later” he mumbles, removing the joint from his lips to press them to mine, eyes trained on the way I easily inhale the smoke.

“Can you guys stop eye fucking in front of me? Also what happened to the whole ‘we’re just friends’ thing?” Crackerz accuses us, having watched the secretive touches and glances all night, finally breaking silence after Ruel presses his lips to mine for the third time that night. I open my mouth to object his theory, only to lean back against Ruel as he points an accusatory finger at me, feeling Ruel silently shake behind me as he laughs. “Don’t even test me, friends don’t practically make out, spill it already” He pleads, already knowing the rehearsed line Ruel and I say every single time.

“Chill we are just friends, I was just making it easier for her to smoke. I was not about to hear her choke again for the millionth time tonight” Ruel reasons with him, moving his hand to my thigh, ignoring the way Crackerz eyebrows shoot up at the action. Before I can even justify anything, the same excuse I use of ‘we’ve been best friends for so long so it’s not weird’, Crackerz stands up and pulls his jacket back on. “Oh god don’t tell me you’re already leaving asshole” Ruel grumbles, smirking as he gets a middle finger in return, Crackerz taking one last hit before passing it back to him with a grin.

“Surprise but some of us actually have plans tonight, so have fun with your whole fake friendship act” Crackerz cackles on his way out, ignoring the shouts of protest he gets in return to his little comment. I lean back against Ruel as the silence settles around us, hearing him inhale before he turns my face towards his on my shoulder, my mouth opening as our lips meet, the dense smoke filling my lungs. He pulls away and smiles as I let the smoke out through my nose, tilting my head and puckering my lips, wanting another kiss from him.

“We really suck at this whole not being obvious thing huh” he laughs, pressing a few consecutive light kisses to my lips, falling even more in love as he looks at my slightly pink face. I laugh at his statement, completely agreeing with him, because honestly we could never be actors with how terrible this performance is going. “We seriously use the same excuses every time, we’re the worst baby” he grins, holding me tight against him as he breaths out the smoke, my eyes watching the way it twirls throughout the dark sky around us.

“We might as well just come clean, not like they don’t already know. It’s been a little over a year now and I’m pretty sure they caught on like two months in” I laugh, my eyes widening as he stands up, still holding me in his arms. I let him carry me for a few minutes through some of the trees and brush surrounding us, before we finally end up at the same spot we always do. His safe place, otherwise known as the little mini beach no one knows about or comes to, a smile rising on my face as I look up at the moon sitting high in the sky. “Now what’re we doing here this time Rueloff, since we’ve already smoked all we had” I ask, my eyes slowly meeting his as the peak of my high finally hits, my brain cloudy with only the thought of him being clear.

“I’m glad you asked that sweetheart, but strip. Now.” He states, ignoring the way my eyes widen and my mouth drops open, watching him in shock as he takes off his shirt and unbuttons his pants. He folds them and sets them in a small pile, turning to me as he stands there in just his boxers, rolling his eyes as he sees me fully clothed. “Did I stutter? Take off your fucking clothes” he mumbles, reaching down to pull off his boxers before I smack him on the shoulder, glaring at him as he looks at me confused.

“Why don’t you say please? I’m not some bitch you can just boss around” I huff, rolling my eyes as I turn around to walk away, only to get yanked backwards, my fully clothed body coming in contact with his now bare front. I wiggle to try and get away from him, sagging against him in defeat, as he just wraps his arms around my waist, his chin resting on the top of my head as he waits for me to stop. “Get off of me, you’re so annoying” I snap at him, growing more annoyed as I feel him laughing against me, knowing he’s enjoying my attitude.

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad” he smirks out, turning me around to face him, slightly bending down to press a kiss to the top of my forehead, chuckling as I say nothing in return and stand there staring at him. He grabs the hem of my shirt as I stand still, slowly lifting it and letting it drop on to the sand, before his hands reach down, undoing the button of my jeans with ease. I mean it’s not like that’s the first time he’s done that. “Cheer up sweetheart, you know you like when I boss you around.. I mean you sure as fuck liked it the other night” he grins, laughing when I push against his chest, my own smile finally breaking through.

“Whatever, why’re we stripping on the beach? I’m not doing anything here, sand will get in places I don’t ever want it to be” I warn him, laughing as he pulls me forward and his hand goes to my back, skillfully unclasping my bra, tossing it to the ground with the rest of my now discarded clothes. He ignores my questions and tugs at my underwear, not wanting to bend down to remove those, making me roll my eyes and pull them down, kicking them to the side once they fall to my ankles. He steps back and stares at me in awe, my face heating up as his eyes wander my now slightly shivering body, looking at me as if he’s seeing me for the first time. “Stop looking at me like that, it makes me shy” I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest as I start to feel slightly embarrassed standing here completely bare in front of him. He lets out a noise of disapproval, coming closer and grabbing my hands, removing my arms from covering my body from him.

“Don’t cover yourself, you’re stunning. I’ve seen you like this so many times yet I’m always so star stuck with you baby” he whispers, one of his hands dragging across my hip slowly, giving me a lazy love struck grin as his eyes meet mine again. He tugs me against him, wrapping his arms around me in a soft embrace, kissing the top of my head as I give him a small squeeze of appreciation. He stays silent for a few minutes, before breaking the silence in a way that I should have seen coming a lot sooner.

“Ruel no it’s gonna be cold” I screech when he lifts me up and jogs to the water, the waves reaching shore in a peaceful manner, a bit more calm than they usually seem to be this time at night. He stops with me wrapped around his waist, my arms tightly around his neck, the water reaching mid chest to him, meaning if he let me go I’d practically be fully submerged. I shift and tighten my hold around him, the cold water splashing up and down my back, making sure my chest and stomach stay pressed against him to help lessen the cold temp from reaching them.

We both look out at the moon in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other and trying to stay as warm as possible, the freezing water around us chilling me straight to the bone. He slowly starts to let me go, laughing as I grab on to his arms to stay afloat, moving my feet so I can tread and not sink straight down. He raises one of his arms to push some of my hair back, laughing as my hand gripping his arm moves with his movement, completely unwilling to let him go in case I float out into the ocean. He moves my hands to rest on his shoulders, his coming down to my waist as he helps me stay up, ignoring the little nudges of my feet kicking his shins.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are, like you’re prettier than Crackerz” he laughs, his already hooded eyes almost closing fully, the smoking from earlier causing him to laugh even harder at his own joke. I scoff and roll my eyes, knowing damn well he did not just compare me to Crackerz out of all people, the man who laughed when I almost died earlier. He leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips, smiling when I lean forward for another, knowing that when I’m high I usually get a lot needier than usual. Which is saying something since I’m always clingy when it comes to the beautiful boy in front of me.

“You owe me more than just one kiss, especially after trying to compare me to Crackerz, like that’s so disrespectful to me” I barely get out, laughing as I watch Ruel laugh, happy that I can make him laugh like this even if it’s just a simple joke about our interesting friend. I move to wrap my arms back around his neck, pressing myself against him as we just sway in the water, our highs now turning into a calm and sleepy feeling, his warm skin pressed against mine not helping whatsoever. He rubs one of his hands up and down my back, smiling to himself as he thinks about how lucky he is, holding the girl of his dreams in his arms. Nothing but the waves, us, and the shining stars surrounding us.

“Getting sleepy my love? We can head back, get dressed, and maybe pick up some food before going home” he plans, completely ignoring me when I mumble a sound of disappointment, not wanting to leave the water just yet, especially when my body had finally gotten used to the temperature. He slowly makes his way out of the water, keeping me held tight against his body as the cold air nips at our skin, my body instantly wracking with shivers. “Feeling cold baby?” He questions, my eyes rolling as I press myself against him even more, if that’s humanly possible.

“No, I’m fine” I lie straight through my teeth, trying to stop my body from shaking so much knowing he can feel it. He sets me down on to my feet, looking down at me with a smirk, one that’s filled with nothing but pure mischief. “Don’t look at me like that, I know whatever you’re about to say is going to be dumb” I groan out, his smirk growing even wider upon hearing my words, his response being the most guy thing he could ever say.

“You sure you’re not cold? I mean I’m not one to judge, but there’s a certain part of your body literally stabbing me right now” he laughs, stumbling when I smack his arm and move to wrap my arms around my chest, groaning when he bends over to laugh even harder. I roll my eyes at him before starting to slip my clothes back on, feeling them uncomfortably stick to my wet skin, grabbing his hoodie off of the sand and pulling it over my now wet top.

“You’re so annoying, you act like you don’t have fucking nipples Ruel, at least mine weren’t stabbing you in the forehead” I yell at him, watching as he has to stop pulling his pants back on to laugh again, the image of his nipple against my forehead making him lose his mind. “You’re a child, a literal child” I mutter, ignoring his laughs as he shuffles to pull the rest of his clothes on, watching him wipe his eyes every few seconds as the tears keep running down his face. He stands straight and takes a few deep breaths, his eyes closed while he tries to calm himself down, before looking at me and completely getting set off again.

“I-I’m sorry, it’s just so f-fucking funny” he cries out, following after me as I make my way through the trees, walking to the little path we have to take to get back to his house, deciding that a food break is not going to happen when he’s still too inebriated to function. I hear him jog to catch up to me, his arm wrapping around my shoulder to pull me close, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of my head. “You know it was funny, just laugh baby, I won’t judge you” he sweetly tells me, giving me a cheesy grin when I look up at him, nudging his side with my elbow in response.

“It really wasn’t that funny Ruel” I state, his eyes widening with disbelief, not understanding that I don’t have the same mental capacity equivalent to that of a fourteen year old boy like him. He walks in front of me and stops, resting his hands on my hips as he smiles down at me, his lips wobbling as he tries to keep himself at bay. “Ruel it’s literally just nipples calm down” I groan, hearing him take sharp intake, his hands leaving my body as he presses them to his mouth. I run a hand down my face, waiting for the reaction I know I’m about to get in mere seconds, and trust me he did not fail to disappoint.

“N-nipples” he cries out, putting a hand on my shoulder to hold himself up, stumbling when I walk past him, wondering why I chose him out of all the boys in the world. I make my way down the street, knowing he’s following me by the constant sound of his laughing straight behind me, his breathing coming out in gasps as he tries to contain himself. When they say boys brain doesn’t fully reach adulthood till they’re forty, trust me, it’s not a lie.

Maybe hanging out with Crackerz wasn’t that bad, should have never taken him for granted.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: Behind the Scenes of the latest Farin&Bela pencil drawing.

Aka the one that’s also my icon, even when that was a big risk to take because normally I start hating the photos I have once drawn, especially if I have failed miserably. This is how the drawing itself turned out:

ATTENTION: The original post about that drawing, with better image, behind this link.

This post is solely about the process itself with lots of pictures and also plenty of gifs, because I promised to do one if people would like to see that and I got some comments saying that they’re looking forward for that. So, here’s now that post!

For starters I have to apologize for the terrible quality that is the photos. I used my phone camera only and never thought about posting them, I just took them as a reference for myself and to show the progress to a friend and only after finishing the drawing I noticed that the angle of the camera causes a huge impact on the perspective of the drawing, so I sometimes might have done useless work when I thought some perspective was wrong when it was actually the photo that was wrong and not my work! I mean, take a look at these photos of the finished piece:

You see that? I realized this when I took maybe the second photo of the Farin sheet and looked at it and couldn’t believe my eyes because I didn’t remember drawing his torsto THAT small! And then I looked at the drawing and was like “wtf???” because it looked nothing like in the photo and then it hit me...

Also, another thing that I learn was that I might need to pay more attention to the perspective of the whole thing also because when I draw, I sit at the table so I am constantly seeing the drawing from my perspective instead of looking at it from above so that’s probably also going to affect the way I draw. I try to keep that in mind in the future so I can avoid redrawing things again and again just because my perspective is different than the reference photo’s.

Also the giant forehead of Farin’s in the photo on the right might have caused me to laugh a bit too much but anyway, let’s continue~ Or more like: let’s start for real this time.

Here’s the reference photo to y’all:

What I did in photoshop was to draw a line between them to see how I can divide the photo on two A4 papers. I had been thinking about this photo for some time already because it’s one of my favorites (but now I just feel cringy looking at it after I have drawn it... goddamnit!), and I got this idea that I could try drawing it on two papers in case I fuck up so I can start over or try again without having to do twice the work! Which was actually a good decision because this was the first version of Farin:

And it was awful. I also realized I had never drawn Farin’s face from he front. I have drawn him before from the side a few times but maybe once it came out actually good so that was why I decided to do the 2 paper method - because I knew it was not going to be an easy job! Bela is relatively easy to draw so I knew already that I would not have too many problems with that one.

I struggled with Farin’s eyes the most, at first.

It took me a while to figure out how to do that white line in his lower lid. Keep in mind that this was my first face portrait in over 10 years so I was very, very rusty and I just didn’t remember how to draw like anything anymore. (The photo is tilted because Bela’s face is a bit tilted and my hand can’t draw anything that is not straight [lol] so I have to rotate the photo in order to even draw the sketch of Bela’s eyes.)

So I took my sketchbook and tried to do some eyes...

I was still struggling so much here until I remembered about blending. And I didn’t have my hopes high but grabbed the eyeshadow applicators (my fave tool for blending) anyway, and switched to my other sketchbook in case the paper was the issue and:

Blending. It was all about blending! So with that in mind, I realized I can continue and I don’t need to do these in my old way, everything doesn’t have to have a lineart done but some of the job is done not with the pencils but with the eraser.

Anyhow, the previous Farin looked really bad and was too big as well so I just discarded that and started a new sheet because the old lines were not coming off properly anymore. I don’t remember if this is the old face or new but I think this might still be the old one:

Yes it definitely is the old because look at those lines! This is the new sheet:

And in the photo you can see one of my pencils - I use Derwent Graphic pencils, it’s a 12 pencil set with very soft pencils, starting with H, F and HB and ending to 9B. With this one I used F, HB, B, 2B, 5B, 7B and 9B. The white pencil is actually my new love aka the eraser pencil Koh-I-Noor Hardmuth. It’s amazing, I recommend! I just didn’t order 10 new ones this other day. I actually used about 1,5 full eraser pencils on this drawing alone so that’s why 10.

Here’s a “little” gif of the process on Farin:

I felt crazy when I went for the shirt, and I felt like I was going crazy MEANWHILE drawing it but in the end I did it and I’m super proud of it!

Below is the reference photo, it was pain in the ass to follow all those lines with my eyes and try to find what was I drawing and where was I but I think I did good. That was a fun challenge.

Okay so, when I was done with the new lineart, I decided to go for the shading and blending because that’s what really makes the drawings to pop. I started with the left (his right, my left) side of Farin’s face because I’m right-handed, and in the first photo I had done just the left (right) eye and mouth and nose, but in the second there’s also the other eye done already:

Keep in mind this was not the last time I drew the eyes. Not even close.

Something was off with the right (left) eye so I had to do that one again and I noticed that when you blend but haven’t erased and cleaned it yet, it looks like a black eye :DDD So here’s the before and after images of that cleaning. (Cleaning = I draw, blend, erase, draw and blend more when needed and then erase again, and repeat this as many times as I need until it starts to look ready to my eye.)

So here Farin was “finished” but if you still remember the final piece or compare it to it, you might notice it looks quite different. And you’re right. But more about that later, because at this point I started to work on Bela.

It actually started really well - I also had to do the whole lineart again because it did not match the size of “finished” Farin. I don’t remember if this is the first or second eye but when I had drawn his eye for the first time, I noticed it was not in line with Farin so I had to redraw it. A gif of the progress:

What’s that brown paper I’m using, you may ask? Well I noticed that people have some sort of paper on top of their art to keep it from smudging and I have no clue what that is so here’s my poor artist recommendation: baking paper! I tested it and it works (if you just remember to keep it under your hand, that is...) so that is, in fact, baking paper! :DD

I have drawn Bela’s face a few times before and he’s just so much easier to draw. In fact I used 4-5 days on Farin but I managed to start and finish (this version of) Bela just in one day. And that means that out of 12 hours (because I literally used the whole day for drawing) I used maybe like... 5h or something on Bela. That’s how much easier he really is to draw.

I don’t know wtf is wrong with Farin’s face but he’s extremely difficult to draw and I’m not the only one who has been saying this. I guess he just looks so regular but still unique enough to be difficult to draw. Bela then again has features that are very unique and very... caricature-like? I mean that just by drawing his nose or chin you can make a comic book Bela look exactly like himself, and with more realistic style his eyes already do a lot, but Farin’s really the opposite. My comic book version of Farin is literally the most basic version I can draw, it’s how I draw those characters and the only thing that makes him look himself is the hair, and his nose in a side profile. So I think that’s why it’s so difficult to draw him because he doesn’t look too regular but still regular enough to make is a very challenging task to do properly.

So yeah, the same day as I started working on Bela, I was also “finished” with the drawing:

Also look at how different it looks like from this perspective:

With the reference photo open in photoshop and I don’t understand how Bela looks more like himself in my drawing than in the photo. Also when I showed the WIP to my brother, he said that I somehow had succeeded at making Farin look more like Farin than what he does in the photo even. It’s weird.

But we were still far from finished. I was going to use the fixative on this soon but it just kept snowing the whole week so I couldn’t so every time I walked past the drawings, I stopped to fix this and that. For days I kept telling myself “I’m done, I can’t do more than this, I can’t do better than this.” and considered the drawing finished but still kept fixing things. Every time I was “done” with the other drawing, I saw something to fix in the other one and once that was done, I felt like the first one wasn’t as good and had to fix something from it too. And that led to a cycle where the other drawing was always better than the other and the worse one needed to be fixed. In the end I was hating the whole process and myself and my skills and I was already ready to abandon this whole thing and call it a day and never ever show it to anyone “because I cannot draw”. The photo above, here’s a list of things I redrew after that:

Bela’s eyes, the right (left) one at least twice.

Bela’s nose.

Bela’s mouth a couple of times.

Farin’s eyes x588045028520

And a list of things I kept fixing and fixing:

Bela’s chin.

Bela’s neck shadows.

Bela’s hairline.

Farin’s whole face was tilted so I tried to fix that.

Farin’s face was too wide, which meant also partially redrawing the ear.

Farin’s hair was too long and wide too.

Farin’s nose.

Farin’s mouth might be the only thing I drew only once and I’m actually still extremely proud of how it came to be. I did the lips solely with blending so that was super exciting to notice how I can use it for drawing and don’t need the pencils for everything!

During Bela’s eyes and nose and mouth especially I was hating myself so much and I felt like I was taking the risk of ruining the whole thing and a few times I was certain that was what I had just done too, until I somehow was able to save it again. But because of that, I wasn’t able to make Bela’s mouth any lighter anymore, the color wasn’t just coming off the paper so had to use what was there and make it look like it’s how it’s supposed to be, too.

Here’s a gif about those changes on Bela - the first one has the old eyes and nose, the others have minor changed on the nose and mouth:

(The blacks probably don’t get any blacker in reality, I did add more color to it all the time but mainly it’s just the lighting and my phone camera changing the brightness.)

I did the final details on his nose without even using the reference photo anymore. The photo didn’t seem to make any sense anymore at all so I was just using my mechanical pencil and the blending tool and eraser to make is look better. To my eye it looked more like a very flat nose with a big tip of the nose and he doesn’t have a flat nose and I tried to get rid of that illusion. I still feel like it makes him look bit weird but I’m not entirely sure how. Maybe it was because of my improvisation, idk...

So, Bela was then finally finished for the last time. In the Farin piece his left (right) eye had been bugging me the whole time and I didn’t want to touch it but still I felt like I have to do something about it because it was bugging me way too much. I then figured I could draw the eye line by line and take a photo of it each time to see if it looks right already or not, maybe I could then avoid doing all the phases before I was sure what to think about it. I mean, now the only way to see if it was correct was to draw e.g. an eye from start to finish, I couldn’t see from just the lineart or unblended eye if it was in the right spot etc. And here’s that progress on a gif:

The gif about only the eye would look so nice if Tumblr didn’t make the gifs so HUGE - this one is actually only 300px or 400px or something:

Apparently I also wasn’t happy with the other eye because:

But good thing is: I really enjoy drawing eyes. I love seeing them to “come alive”, my favorite part was to eraser a bit of the color on the iris to make them look like they are actually shiny! It feels like something so small to do and yet it makes a huge impact on the drawing!

And here’s yet another gif of the whole Farin sheet with all of the changes, including the last changes that made his head narrower, and less tilted and more in line. Look at the left side of his head especially to see that:

I can also see his nose changing between the first few photos. I keep forgetting about that but yeah, I also fixed that a little at some point.

And last but not least, the whole drawing in some sort of a timelapse gif:

Last two are the same but just a photo and the scan of the finished drawing. I still keep seeing things I would do differently but no can do, I already used fixative on it, also to keep myself from obsessing with it any more :D And to use it as a study of some sort. I have never been able to draw a perfect pencil drawing and this isn’t one either. I probably never can draw perfect drawings from references.

I do enjoy the whole shading and blending process, so much so that when I was editing these photos, I just wanted to start drawing something so bad but I also figured that I start to lose motivation when I get to the point where everything should be finished but I just can’t make it perfect. Like the current WIP I have, all I should do is to get the proportions and perspective and the lines of their faces correctly and I would be ready but it feels more like a superpower some people possess and I’m not one of those. I don’t know what is it but I just feel that I cannot see. I don’t know how to explain it, but I can’t see what I try to do and somehow keep drawing everything the wrong way. Just like in this post’s drawing too. There’s still things that are wrong and I know what it is but I don’t know how to solve it. My hands just don’t listen to me and they can’t do what I think they should. I also think the reason I cannot draw perfect copies of photos is because you can always see my “handprint” in them. If I copy a photo, it will look like a photo and not like a drawing made by me. So I believe that in my drawing there’s always a part of me visible and I’m not entirely sure if it’s a good thing or not. On bad days it’s not a good thing, obviously. On good days? Well I guess it’s good then because it just means I have my own style which I really should appreciate. But I wish I had my style only when I want it to be visible, but I can’t control it. Just like I cannot write text by hand that would look like it was written with a computer, so I guess I should just try to get used to it, no matter how much it’d bug me sometimes.

[ober-affen-geil]

All y’all are getting a rant today, because I read a review of Enola Holmes yesterday that almost made me not watch the movie and then I DID and the reason the article gave that almost stopped me was fucking wrong and I’m mad about it.

For context, this is the article and this is the part I take major issue with after having seen the movie for myself:

“...receiving her famous brother’s approval serves as the resolution of Enola Holmes’ story...There must be a less awkward way to prove that a woman can be Sherlock Holmes’ equal than concocting a story in which he remains the definitive judge of whether she’s succeeded.”

^ This is horseshit.

For Sherlock Holmes fans, this movie makes several very obvious departures from the original stories. I personally enjoyed the story that was told; even if it was a little simplistic and not at all faithful to the og Shelock Holmes (nor historically accurate), it was a lot of fun. But of all the things to accuse this movie of, Sherlock overshadowing his sister’s story is not one of them.

First of all, it is very clear from the get-go that Sherlock, unlike his older brother Mycroft, sees Enola as a fully developed person. If not his equal initially (she is 16 and he’s something like at least 10 years older), he does see her intelligence and capacity for action where Mycroft only sees a “wild thing” that needs to be tamed according to Victorian societal norms. At no point does Sherlock underestimate Enola or try to control her; he is concerned about her as any older brother would be when their 16 year old baby sister is alone in a major city for the first time, but Enola begins the story with his “approval”.

Second of all, Sherlock Holmes is completely secondary to the main plot. The story is not about Enola and her brother at all; there is some exploration of their sibling relationship but Enola isn’t focused on Sherlock. The story is completely driven by Enola’s relationship with her mother. And that is consistent throughout.

I get into spoilers going forward so this is where the cut goes.

Third of all, if the author of that review believes Enola’s story ends with getting Shelock’s “approval”, they didn’t watch the last 10 minutes of the movie. Aside from the fact that, as I’ve pointed out above Enola was neither searching for nor ever had to earn Sherlock’s attention or praise, that statement completely ignores the scene with her mother, who is the character Enola has actively been seeking out the entire time. 

It is her mother’s love and support and approval that Enola wants, and her story concludes with her receiving exactly that. “What a woman you’ve become” is the resolution to Enola’s inciting incident, not “If we do find her again, I would like her to be my ward”. (Which, again, is not Sherlock removing Enola’s agency but giving her the necessary societal protection a teen girl would need at that time. And also again, not something she was seeking to begin with.)

Fourth of all, while I’m here because why not, this movie may ride on the coattails of the name “Sherlock Holmes” to get it off the ground but make no mistake, this story is driven almost completely by female characters.

The women are varied in their characters, ranging from Enola herself (the heroine) to her mother (the revolutionary), their housekeeper, the unscrupulous money-grubbing landlady Enola meets in London, the antagonistic finishing school head mistress, Edith the jujitsu master who runs a tearoom, Viscount Tewkesbury’s concerned mother, and his Dowager grandmother who turns out to be the ultimate villain of the story.

The women are developed and have a wide spread of needs and wants that allows them to be both heroes and villains, and they certainly outnumber the male characters present in the story. Enola’s story is not driven by men nor is she primarily motivated by or about them, the reason she decides to get involved with the young Viscount Tewkesbury’s plight is because of her concern for the danger he’s in, not because of her burgeoning romantic interest. (Which is also only teased at and goes no further than a hug and a very sweet knuckle kiss.)

It should also be noted, because I’ve said that Sherlock very pointedly recognizes and respects Enola’s intelligence and agency throughout the movie, that the Viscount has a similar attitude towards Enola. He himself has “odd” interests (such as plants and gardening and pressing flowers and cooking) and never once comments about her being “unladylike”. Also, despite clearly having a massive crush on her, he never pushes Enola in that regard at all (see again the incredibly sweet knuckle kiss). 

Their dynamic is best summed up in their last scene when she asks him if she’s supposed to bow to him now that he is a full “lord” and he responds with “Arguably you always had to bow, you just chose not to” with a fond smile.

IN ANY CASE.

Enola’s story is not, in my opinion, eclipsed by or influenced by her famous brother at all, and I would argue that for a movie that invoked his name in the first place it does a pretty good job of not making the story about him in any real way. In fact it does a pretty excellent job of blowing the Bechdel test out of the water and is both overtly and covertly a pretty feminist film. Also just a fun time.

[schrijverr]

Authentic

While writing HNOC, Jonny suddenly puts on an accent, when it isn’t well recieved at first, he gets weird. He is withdrawn and agreeble, concerned the others corner him and find out it is his original accent. He storms off and is comforted by Brian.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none really, but tell me if I missed one or if you want me to tag something!

~~~~~~~~~~

Brian had not been pleased when he had finally been freed from the core of the sun around which Fort Galfridean had orbited, but he’d cheered up a bit after the Mechs had agreed this tale was good enough to be told.

They’d started writing it. First getting a feel for the songs to see, which voice fitted where, shots had been fired, First Mates had died, nothing important. An outline had been made as well, giving a broad idea of the spoken parts and the songs.

Now they were sitting in a circle with their instruments, ready to try some melodies and tweak the lyrics. They had agreed on the beginning, mostly, the first part was written down and Ashes said: “I think we should have Lavinia Stone explain why they’re going to shoot.”

“You mean when she told them they could run the town if they killed her and took her sheriff star?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, that.” Ashes replied, “You know what she told them exactly?”

Brian thought for a second, then unsure said: “I think she used son of a bitch? Maybe tin star and rightwise sheriff of the town or something in that direction? Does that help?”

“Yeah, that might work.” Jonny agreed, “Uhm, what about something like this: Any sonnabitch can pull this tin star from me, makes ‘em rightwise sheriff o’ this town.”

He scratched his nose and shook his head as he whispered to himself: “No, needs a few more words.”

Clicking his tongue he thought for a second, then his face lit up and he proudly said: “Any sumbitch can pull this tin star from my stone cold hands, makes ‘em rightwise sheriff o’ this here town. ‘Cause she’s Lavinia STONE.”

The smirk turned into a frown when he looked at the others. All had a confused expression on their face, eyes filled with question marks. Jonny had no clue what that was about and muttered: “We don’t have to use that part, geez. Just tell me if it sucks.”

That snapped most out of it and Tim said: “No, it’s not that, just wow, that was weird.”

“What?” now it was Jonnys turn to be confused.

“Did you not hear what you just did?” Ashes asked.

“I suggested something for the song and you all got weird about it.” Jonny frowned, not comprehending what they were getting at.

Ashes facepalmed and Tim exclaimed: “The fucking accent, Jonny, where the fuck did that come from?”

Understanding appeared on Jonnys face and lightly embarrassed he shrugged: “Thought it might be fun. Brian said some of them talked funny and from his horrible impersonation, I gathered it sounded something like this. Besides, it adds a bit to the atmosphere, right?”

The others found that explanation enough and agreed that it did sound fun, before they moved on to the next part, squabbling like normal until Brian came in and Galahad was introduced.

Lyrics was as easy as it had ever been, which is to say not that easy but with years of practice they managed, and it was only when they did a quick test run that it went wrong. Jonny was in the middle of his part when Tim interrupted: “Do you have to give him the accent too?”

Jonny stopped mid sentence and indignantly asked: “What’s wrong with the accent?”

“It’s inconsistent.” Tim told him.

“What! My accent is not inconsistent, what are you on about?” Jonny exclaimed, getting offended and a bit of fear, that no one could place, creeping into his voice.

Brian tried to keep the peace and said: “I think what Tim means is that none of us are using an accent, so although it is accurate it might be weird that only some of the characters have it, you know?”

“Well, why don’t y’all do the accent too then?” Jonny pouted.

“Oh, really, letting it bleed over now are you. What are you trying to prove?” Tim snapped.

If anyone had been paying close attention they would have seen that Jonny flinched back slightly at that, but no one did.

“I think none of us can keep that up, Jonny.” Brian tried to placate him, “You already said I did a horrible job at it.”

Jonny sighed and moped: “Okay, fine, but I personally think it sounds better with the accent.”

“Sure, lets just start from the top again.” Ashes said.

They all got in position again and started again. This time when they got to Galahads part, Jonny played up his normal British accent as much as possible. He was stopped again, this time by Marius: “Really, Jonny? Just because you don’t like it, doesn’t mean you don’t get to take it seriously.”

“I am taking it seriously, I did exactly what you wanted. Nothing is good enough around here.” Jonny pouted earnestly.

“Why are you so insistent on using the accent?” Marius asked him.

Jonny opened his mouth, but closed it before a sound could come out and bit his lip. He swallowed and shrugged: “I’m not, just sang like normal. But also it’s accurate? And it sounds better?”

He grabbed some notes for the next part and explained: “I mean what sounds better out of the two of these: ‘Don’t recall asking for your opinion, son.’ or ‘I don’t think I asked for you input, my friend’?”

“If you exaggerate it like that, of course it will sound dumb, but the accent you’re doing is even dumber.” Tim said, not willing to abandon his side and say Jonny was right.

Some of the others agreed and something shut behind Jonnys eyes as he relented.

The others were glad this wouldn’t end as a big fight, which would be a mess to clean up, but Jonny wasn’t the same afterwards. He kept his mouth shut most of the time, no banter and no unnecessary commentary.

They tried to go on, but with Jonnys mood it was almost impossible, so they decided to leave finishing and cultivating the first draft for later and take a break.

The moment it was decided Jonny was out of the room, yelling something over his shoulder about a smoke, despite the fact that smoking was allowed everywhere on the Aurora. No one stopped him, however, just watching him go. Tim commented: “The asshole.”

Ashes smirked and Marius rolled his eyes, but Brian was a bit concerned about their First Mates reaction. Still, he knew following him and asking if he was alright, wouldn't be appreciated, so he left him to himself, but he resolved to keep an eye on him.

It seemed to be over the next day, Jonny had shut up about the accent and everything went on as normal, he did sound more British than normal, though, but not enough to be truly notable.

There did seem to be less fighting, though. Every time it seemed a fight would’ve normally broken out between Jonny and someone else (Jonny was usually the one fighting the most), Jonny would relent and let the other do their thing.

At first, no one was questioning this sudden change of character since it made the process go a whole lot smoother. Brian had frowned at the start, but Jonny didn’t seem to mind still just grinning like normal, so he hadn’t said anything about it.

Then that changed.

They’d finished the first draft and although no one member was more important than the other, it was the collective group that made it the best. And while Jonny wasn’t always prominent in the writing of the notes you could see him reflected in the lyrics, but his presence was now obviously missing.

This became even more apparent when they played it for the first time, stopping from time to time to make notes and suggestions.

Everyone had picked up on it, everyone except Jonny apparently. He was either playing oblivious or really hadn’t noticed the others silences that he hadn’t filled when they were taking suggestions on parts he hadn’t had a say in yet.

They were a bit sick of it. Was he still mad at them for yesterday? He seemed fine, but they all had masks. Was he deliberately being an asshole in the hope they would apologize or something? No, he wouldn’t do that, well he would be a deliberate asshole, but not over this. Unless this wasn’t like normal?

“What do you think, Jonny?” Brian asked.

“Hm?” Jonny looked up, “Oh, uhm, seems fine.”

He smiled at them, but they weren’t really sure he knew what it was about with the way his eyes were a bit distant.

“What were we talking about?” Tim asked, getting a bit frustrated.

Jonny blinked and uncertainly said: “The lyrics for the song about Mordred returning to the Saxons?”

“No,” Tim sighed, “about the love song between the three Pendragons. Are you even paying attention?”

He winced and replied: “Yes, just got a tad distracted. What was the original question?”

Tim was about to get angry, so Brian intervened: “I was wondering what you thought. This part here doesn’t flow so well.”

Brain pointed at the sheet in Jonnys hand and Jonny read it out loud to himself: “Guinevere you’re my stars, Arthur you’re my night. I know we have to ride at the dawns first light. And I’m not saying that this crusade isn’t right. But first we fuel a few more sins with whiskey.”

Jonny was quiet as he thought. He seemed to come up with something, because his eyes did the light up thing they always got when he had an idea, but then they dulled and he didn’t say a thing.

After a while he shrugged and said: “I don’t know.”

Now everyone was getting worried. If there was one thing Jonny loved, it was stealing the show by coming up with something and fixing a problem. It could be annoying if it wasn’t helpful.

He did not stay silent.

“Are you sure?” Brian asked, “It seemed like you thought of something.”

Jonny bit his lip, before carefully saying: “I thought- uhm, maybe? I think I could fix it, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

“Why do you think that? We won’t know unless we’ve heard it, so just tell us and we’ll decide ourselves.” Brian encouraged him.

Nodding slightly, Jonny started to sing: “Guinevere you’re my stars, Arthur you’re my night. I know we’ve got to ride at the dawns first light. And I ain’t saying this preacher man’s crusade ain’t right. But first we fuel a few more sins with whiskey.”

Jonny tried to gauge their reactions and quickly said: “I know y’all don’t like the accent and think it’s dumb, but the words make it fit better. Of course, we don’t have to do it. It was just a suggestion, you know.”

“No, no, that fits.” Ashes told him.

His shoulder sagged a bit with relief and he smiled at them before he wrote the new lyrics down. He did not notice he was the only one changing the lyrics.

While he was doing that, Brain and Marius shared a concerned look that the others caught on to and made them look at Jonny again and think. Then Marius said: “Hey, Jonny?”

“Yes?” Jonny asked looking up.

“Why do you know so much about this one accent and use of language?” Marius replied, immediately adding: “Not that that’s a bad thing of course, just curious.”

“I don’t know that much about it.” Jonny dodged the question.

“Yes, you do.” Tim inserted himself into the conversation as well.

Jonny huffed and crossed his arms as he said: “It doesn’t matter, why do you care so much anyway. I thought you found it dumb.”

“Because you’re suddenly acting weird after we brought it up.” Tim exclaimed.

That startled Jonny a bit, but he yelled back: “I do not.”

“Yes, you are.” Tim frowned angrily and began to list, “You’re not making useless comments, no banter, exaggerating your British accent, you’re not giving your own opinions, you’re fucking agreeable, Jonny. You’re never agreeable, so excuse us for wanting to know what the fuck is going on with you.”

“There’s nothing going on with me, I tried something and it failed, so I shut up.” Jonny spat, “I’m fine.”

“What did you try? What on earth did you try to make you act like this when it failed.” Tim had stood up now to continue their fighting match, properly.

Brian, however, wasn’t having it and pushed him back down in his seat as he shouted: “Lets all just calm down for one second, okay.”

Both took a deep breath and just glared at each other.

Gently Marius broke the silence: “Jonny, you try a lot of things that don’t succeed, why does this one bother you so much. I know Tim wasn’t the best at telling you this, but we’re just worried about you.”

Jonny swallowed heavily and blinked heavily a few times. He tried to start a few times, but then just stopped, choosing to dismiss it: “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“The more you dodge it, the more it seems like a big deal and we’re not continuing until you tell us.” Ashes told him. From where they were resting on the couch, all sprawled out, they looked like how they’d been when they were Hades. The royal feeling rolled off of them and Jonny couldn’t help, but listen.

“It’s, uhm, I’m from New Texas.” he finally settled on saying.

When that didn’t clear anything up he explained: “It’s not the same system as orbited around Avalon, but it’s close.”

The realization dawned on everyone that the accent they’d thought he’d been putting on was his original accent and the way he spoke now could be considered him putting on an accent. They’d never realized that he could have a different accent since the rest of them, except for Nastya, had the same one.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Jonny. We hadn’t realized.” Brian said.

Jonny squirmed in his place uncomfortably and shrugged: “It’s no big deal.”

“Seems like it is though, I know you don’t like me psychoanalyzing you, but this made you more upset than anything else I’ve seen.” Marius told him.

That earned him a scowl from Jonny, who replied: “Stay away from my brain, Marius. It’s none of your business.”

Meanwhile, Tim was still thinking about Jonnys change of accent without really paying attention to what the others were saying, so he blurted out: “So where did your accent go then? Nastya still had hers, despite being on this ship for quite a long time.”

The scowl deepened and Jonny said: “That’s also none of your fucking business.”

“Does it have anything to do with why you’re so upset?” Marius asked.

Completely fed up, Jonny roared: “Yes.” and stomped off.

As they watched him go, Ashes commented: “That could’ve gone a lot smoother.”

Beside them Brian pinched his nose and sighed: “Yes. Yes, it could have.”

“Should we go check on him?” Tim asked,a bit taken aback by the reaction and feeling guilty a bit too.

“No, I think we’ve done enough for today. I’ll check up on him in a few hours.” Brian told him.

The rest of the day came and went and soon it was time for Brian to see how their First Mate was fairing. He hesitated outside his room for a second, then he knocked.

It was quiet for a beat, then he hear Jonnys voice: “What do you want?”

“It’s me, Brian. I came to check up on you. I know you don’t want me to, but just open the door so I  can see you’re at least a bit okay and I’ll leave you alone.” Brian answered.

He heard grumbling, but also movement, so he smiled at his little victory.

The door slid open and Jonny looked at the ground and said: “See, I’m fine. Now go away.”

Brian raised a brow and rolled his eyes, before he squatted down a bit and gently put a finger under Jonnys chin to raise his face to make eye contact. Jonnys eyes were shining with the wetness of tears not yet fallen, but his makeup hadn’t been smudged, which Brian counted as a win.

What he didn’t count as a win, however, was that Jonny wasn’t even fighting him about this treatment. He just stood there silently and stared at Brian, all fight drained out of his body with the opening of his door.

Brian broke the silence softly: “If you want I can leave now, but I’m happy to stay. You don’t have to talk, just company.”

Jonny worried his lip between his teeth as a mental battle waged behind his eyes. Then he quietly said: “Don’t tell the others?”

“Of course not.” Brian replied with a kind smile, closing the door behind him as he lead Jonny to his bed.

Brian leaned against the wall and allowed Jonny to crawl up beside him, before pulling the blanket over the two of them. He gently rubbed Jonnys back and sat quietly with his eyes closed and his mind calm.

He knew Jonny was more tactile than he’d have you believe. All the crew was familiar with the ways he would brush up against people, accidentally bump into them or started a fistfights when he was feeling lonely.

No one ever said anything about it, but they tried their best to pander to it. Everyone had something after all.

After nearly thirty minutes of comfortable silence Jonny said: “I know it’s stupid to be upset about. I just- never mind.”

“It isn’t stupid at all.” Brian told him.

“Yes, it is.” Jonny moped, “Just because she beat it out of me doesn’t mean that it isn’t just an accent.”

He didn’t even seem to realize what he had just confessed, instead angrily staring at Brians thigh and plucking on a lose thread of Brians pants, Brian knew he would probably offer to fix it later as a thank you or apology, unable to voice it.

Brian carded a hand through Jonnys hair and said: “You know, I don’t even speak this language.”

“What?” Jonny asked, not looking up, but leaning into the touch.

“I borrowed a book from Ivy about my own planet, it talked about the language and how it’s one of the few places that hasn’t switched to Basic yet. There was a passage in the language, but I couldn't understand a word, not programmed for it, I guess.” Brian explained.

“Oh, I’m- I’m sorry, that sucks.” Jonny mumbled.

Brian shrugged and said: “Yeah, kind of. I know I’m not that Brain, never really was, but it still hurt. I locked myself at the helm for two months to process. Isn’t that stupid?”

“No. No, it’s not.” Jonny frowned, plucking harder, “That’s upsetting to learn, you just reacted like anyone else would.”

“You’re right.” Brian agreed, for a moment Jonny was confused, but then Brian cleared it up: “So, why is it stupid when you’re upset?”

“I don’t know.” Jonny pouted.

“You don’t have to know. Sometimes a brain is just stupid, but that has nothing to do with you. You’re allowed to just be upset.” Brian told him.

Jonny huffed: “You sound like Marius.”

“Marius isn’t always wrong, even when he is an idiot from time to time.” Brian said.

They fell into a comfortable silence again after that. The rhythmic motion of Brian petting Jonnys hair soothing them both.

Then after a while, Brian said: “For the record, I liked the accent you gave Galahad, you really sounded like him. Tim probably did too, he just wanted a fight I think.”

“Really?” Jonny asked after a beat of silence.

Brian smiled: “Yeah, really. I think that if you bring it up again, the others are probably a lot more receptive. You know how they love dramatics and what is more dramatic then an album with authentic vocabulary and accents just for accuracy?”

Jonny grinned: “Not much.”

“Exactly.” Brian nodded, then he stayed silent until Jonny had fallen asleep.

The next morning the two of them made their way to breakfast. Jonny was his chipper self again and bounced around Brian as he excitedly told him about the dream he had in which it had been him against an entire army, pretty violent over all, but Jonny had won and found himself quite the badass, despite the fact that it was a dream and he had not actually done that.

He didn’t even notice how the others lost their tenseness when he’d come in. All had been afraid that he would still be upset, but it seemed Brian had been a good influence.

They all ate, before going back to the practice room. The plan was to start going over everything again, just the next draft until everything was perfect, but before they could start Jonny nervously asked: “Hey, uhm, I was just wondering if y’all’d be okay if I tried the accent again with Galahad. I think it would enrich the album and if all y’all don’t like it, we can scrap it again.”

“I think that would be a great idea, Jonny.” Marius smiled at him.

Relief washed over Jonnys face and he smiled back.

In the end they kept the accent in there and watching Jonny go apeshit every single time he got to perform Hellfire was completely worth it.

[twinklecheeks]

Friends With Benefits (Jeff Wittek Imagine) Part 7

Summary: Jeff and Y/N have been hooking up for a while. The whole vlog squad assumes they’re dating and Y/N does too but Jeff doesn’t like labels. He eventually starts to express interest in Natalie.

Note: Planning on making this a multiple part series, depending on how good it does.  You’re 21 & Latina in this (maybe) series. Also, I’d like to apologize for the typos, if there is any. I’m just illiterate lmao.  

Side note: Please comment whether you like the way this chapter is formatted or if you like it the old way. I personally thing it’s easier to read it this way. 

Warnings! Pregnancy, Mentions of sex.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5, Part 6

Word Count: 1.6k

Jeff spent  3 weeks in Staten Island w/ his family. His parents thought it was odd because he usually only stays for about a week when he visits home for the holidays. Also because he’s coming back in less than 2 weeks for Christmas. Jeff has been paranoid about Karyn telling on him. He knew Karyn was right about the responsibility thing. He contemplated just moving back to Staten Island because everybody hates him now and his 30th birthday was coming up in 3 days.

*Jeff texting Todd*

Jeff: “Hey man, can you pick me up at LAX.”

Toddy: “Yeah sure, I'll see you in 30.”

*Jeff in the car w/ Toddy*

Toddy: “So where have you been? Everybody thought you ran away. People were worried about you.” 

Jeff: “Haha worried about me? After what I did to y/n, I doubt it.” 

Toddy: “No. People were worried you were gonna get back into dealing or some shit because you stayed home longer than usual.” 

Jeff: “Oh, well I appreciate their concern but nah. I went back home for a while to clear my head but that didn’t happen.” Toddy: “What do you mean?” 

Jeff: “Karyn gave me an ultimatum. Either I apologize to y/n for being a fuck up and tell my parents before New Years OR She’ll spill everything.” 

Toddy: “Fuck man. What the fuck are you gonna do? If you’re thinking about trying to win her back don’t cause she’s kind of going out w/ David.” 

Jeff: “What do you mean by kind of?” 

Toddy: “David admitted he was still having a crush on Madison during a lie detector test bit and then David filmed a bit for his vlog last week where he and Madison were roasting each other in the Tesla and y/n got super mad. Her being super hormonal probably doesn’t help the situation either.” 

Jeff: “I don’t want to get w/ her because that’s what started all of this but I at least want to be on good terms. Karyn’s right. I’m turning 30 and I’m gonna be a father to two girls. If I’m not in their life, they’re gonna find me in 18 years and just hate me. I have to stop acting like I’m 20 years old.” 

Toddy: “But did you care about y/n?”

Jeff: “I loved y/n and still do but I didn’t want to say anything and be serious because I got out of a 4 year relationship right before. I screwed everything up.” 

Toddy: “Did you say love?”Jeff: “What?” Toddy: “You said you loved y/n and you still do.” 

Jeff: “Shit. See this is why I don’t say shit.” 

Toddy: “Then what was Natalie?” 

Jeff: “I liked Natalie but I guess she was kind of a rebound. I tried to forget my feelings for y/n by liking Natalie… I hear your w/ her now.” 

Toddy: “Yeah, I don’t think she wants anything serious right now but yeah we’re a thing.” 

Jeff: “That’s great. At least you’re treating her better than I did. Now I gotta fix things with y/n…” 

Toddy: “She’s actually hanging out at Zane, Matt’s and I’s place rn w/ Carly & 

Erin.” Jeff: “Fuck. Okay I guess I’m doing it right now.”

At Toddy, Zane and Matt’s house

Erin: “I swear you’re like the cutest pregnant girl I’ve ever seen.” 

Y/n: “Girl I feel like a humpback whale. I’m fucking huge and I wants these girls out.” 

Zane: “Nah my baby nieces gotta cook in that womb until April.” 

Carly: “Yeah we can’t let Carly and Erin Jr. out just yet.” 

Matt: “Carly & Erin Jr?” Erin: What? I mean it makes sense. The babies are girls and we’re the dynamic duo of the Vlog Squad.” 

Zane: “Ummm what about me and Heath?” 

Y/n: “Are y’all really fighting about what I should name my babies?”

 Carly, Erin & Zane: “YES.”

*Everybody hears Toddy’s car*

Matt: “Lets get Toddy”s input on this.”

*Toddy walks in*

Erin: “Toddy, what do you think about y/n naming the babies after Carly and I?” 

Zane: “More important question, what do you think about the babies being named after Heath and I?” 

Toddy: “Y/n, can I talk to you in the backyard… Alone.” 

Y/n: “Ummm sure.”

*In the backyard*

Y/n: “If this is about the baby names, I am not naming one Toddy.” 

Toddy: “No. It’s not about that. There was someone that wanted to talk to you.” 

Y/n: “Who?” 

Jeff: *Walks up from behind y/n* “Me.”

Y/n: *turns around* “Are you fucking kidding me Toddy?” 

Toddy: “Hey just hear him out.” Y/n: “Why the fuck would I?! He said everything he wanted to weeks ago.” 

Jeff: “Y/n I fucked up.” 

Y/n: “Oh wow you just realized that.” 

Jeff: “Y/n please let me explain.” 

Y/n: “EXPLAIN WHAT. YOU USED ME FOR SEX FOR MONTHS AND NOW YOU DON’T WANT TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THESE GIRLS.” 

Jeff:” I’m trying to explain but you won’t let me talk.” 

Y/n: “FINE. I’m listening.” 

Jeff: “I was stupid. I was scared.” 

Y/n: “DON’T YOU THINK I WAS SCARED- “ 

Jeff: “I don’t want to keep self sabotaging any more. Ever since I got out of prison, I push anything that’s good for me away and I hate to realize my mistakes. I have trouble with responsibility. I run away when stuff gets serious and I know I should stop doing that. And no. I didn’t use you. I just didn’t know how to express my feelings about you to you. I just got out of a 4 year relationship months before meeting you and I wasn’t expecting to get into something so serious this quick but just know that I did love you and still do. I’ll try my best to be there for you 1000% percent of the way but you gotta remember that I’ll most likely mess up along the way.” 

Y/n: “You- love me?” Jeff: “Yes but listen. I understand you’re with David now but as long as you’re comfortable and happy, that’s fine with me. And this isn’t my fuck boy charm speaking; I’m serious.” 

Y/n: “Well, okay… Umm… This conversation went better than I expected. So what does that mean for us?” 

Jeff: “I guess we’re exes that are having kids together?” 

Y/n: “Haha okay.” 

Jeff: “So I hear you’re mad at David rn?” 

Y/n: “I don’t know about David. I really do like him but I just feel like he’s w/ me because he wants to help out with the twins. You know how much he loves babies and how he was when Josh’s baby was born. I think he’s just blindsided by the excitement. Also, when he admitted he was still interested in Madison during a lie detector test…” 

Jeff: “Well, what does your mind tell you?” 

Y/n: “That I should end it w/ him… I just don’t want to hurt him, you know? I also think he has a thing for Corinna but he doesn’t want to say anything because they’ve been friends for so long.” 

Jeff: “I’m not saying this because I said I love you but it’s better to end things now than to lead him on.” 

Toddy: “So are y’all good now?” 

Y/n: He’s on a trial right now but if he fucks up, he’s got hell to pay. Got it?” Jeff: Haha yeah.”

*Y/n, Jeff & Toddy hears noises from inside the house*

Erin: “Zane shut the fuck up we can’t hear what they’re saying.” 

Carly: “I think Jeff said he loved her.” 

Zane & Matt: “WHAT.” 

Y/n: “You do know we can hear you right?” 

Zane, Matt, Carly & Erin: “FUCK!” 

Matt: “Can we come out there now?” 

Y/n: “Yeah it's all good.” 

Toddy: “So Jeff, got any plans for your birthday in 3 days?” 

Jeff: “Ugh. Don’t even remind me. I’m gonna be 30. I avoided thinking about that when I was home for 3 weeks.” 

Carly: “Well… Although you’ve been an asshole these past couple of weeks, David didn’t think that you should spend a birthday alone where we all hated you, so we’ve all been planning to go up to Big Bear for a couple of days.” 

Jeff: “Damn y’all didn’t have to do that.” 

Zane: “We all wanted to.”

Matt: “So what are you gonna do about David y/n?” 

Y/n: “Ugh I don’t know. I have an ultrasound tomorrow but I didn’t tell him yet. If I end things right now, It’s going to be awkward when we go to Big Bear in a couple of days.” 

Toddy: “Maybe you can do it after we get back so it’s not awkward.” 

Jeff: “Can I go to the ultrasound tomorrow? Since you haven’t told David about it?” 

Y/n: “Sure. They probably want to ask you about some family health history so they can run some tests if they need to. The appointment is at 1pm at Cedar Sinai Hospital. ” 

Jeff: “Okay thanks. I can pick you up at your place if you want.”

Y/n: “Oh please. It’s getting hard to drive around with this big ass stomach.” 

Jeff: No problem. I’ll pick you up early tomorrow.”

 Y/n: “Sounds like a plan.”

Ooooooo Jeff admitted to y/n that he loooooved her. Now all he’s gotta do is tell his parents? But how? He’s also going to the ultrasound tomorrow. What do you think is going to happen between y/n and David? Is shit gonna go down when they get to Big Bear?

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[alottanothing]

Left to Ruin: Chapter Five

Summary: Ahkemenrah and his sister struggle to come to terms with their arranged marriage. The pharaoh meets with suitors to become his second wife; he finds it hard, however, to give them his heart when he remembers someone else who has already claimed it.  

Previous Chapters

Word Count: 7009

Warnings:This one gets a wee bit spicy, not completely smut, but it’s heavily implied. 

Tag List:  @xmxisxforxmaybe​, @r-ahh-mi​, @theultraviolencefan​, @hah0106​, @rami-malek-trash​, @diasimar​, @sherlollydramoine​, @flipper-kisses​, @ivy-miranda-2390​, @txmel​, @sunkissedmikky​, @concentratedsassandcandy​, @babyalienfairy​ (Let me know if I missed you, or if you would like to be added to the tag list)

A/N: Oh man this chapter’s a long one, but, it might be one of my favorites. Shout out to those of you who have been liking, rebloging and commenting! I’m a gooey mess of warmth when is read what stuck out, so thank you all a million times. Y’all are rock stars. ❤️❤️Again, as a disclaimer, I am not an ancient Egyptian expert and google only knows so much. So yeah, I took so historical liberties while writing this to make my life easier, but tried to keep it as “authentic” as possible. As another helpful note, Ahk is 23 by the end of this chapter and Set 18. 

Much like his responsibilities as ruler of the great empire of Egypt, maintaining the charade of a blossoming marriage became easier with every passing day. Ahkmenrah and Setshepsut’s fondness and their genuine love of one another helped to sell the narrative they wanted to. During the day they were busy tending to matters for their respective roles, only coming together for meals. Their nights, however, were always spent together in the privacy of the pharaoh’s bed-chamber, doing whatever they pleased in their few hours free of responsibility.

Most nights they played game after game of Senet, and most of those nights Ahkmenrah let his little sister win just to see that childlike joy spread over her face. Before long though, it was Set who was letting him win much to the pharaoh’s frustration. Even so, Ahk could think of nothing he cherished more than the laughs they shared.

Other nights they would sit on the balcony or lean on the rail looking out over the city as they passed the hours with conversation much like the night they married. Setshepsut loved Ahkmenrah’s stories about his time away from the capital. Even after she heard them a dozen times, she still listened with wonderment in her eyes, and Ahk was only too happy to regale her with as much detail as he could pull from his memory.

Some nights, hardly a word would pass between them, and they would spend the hours with a lonely silence that reminded them of the chains they wore. Ahkmenrah would distract himself from the obvious tension with matters of the realm, busying himself with a hundred tasks scribbled out on stacks of papyrus. Setshepsut would tuck her self far away, in a corner or on the balcony to read histories or poetry without saying so much as a hello or a good-bye, before returning to her own chamber to be free of the strain duty was putting on their kinship.

Ahkmenrah hated those nights when the weight of what they weren’t doing hung so heavily upon them that the mere sight of the other curled a frown on their face. He preferred the nights of game playing or storytelling, when he could make out the glimmer of life in her eyes. There was still so much of his sister that was a child, especially those first two years of their marriage. Ahkmenrah wanted to preserve the child who was still clinging to her, not destroy it. He forfeited his own childhood by choice of accepting the crown; Setshepsut was not given the same choice.

For those first few years, his attempts were successful at encouraging the wonderment of her youth—teaching her about their nation's cultures, histories, and fables. As time progressed, however, wisdom began poking through the ever-fading veil of her childhood, giving way to the wisdom and spirit of a young woman Ahkmenrah greatly admired. Their conversations began to shift to subjects far deeper than tales of places he had seen. They spoke of life and of dreams; dreams they both knew were out of reach for people in their position. Still, under the stars on the balcony, Ahkmenrah cherished every word they shared no matter how bitter, or sweet.

Setshepsut entered the pharaoh's chambers one night, three years into their phony marriage, carrying with her a mien that piqued Ahk’s interest in a way that made him feel abruptly ill at ease. He greeted her as he always did, with a smile and a light kiss to her cheek, and her curious demeanor became more evident the closer he was to her. Ahkmenrah’s smile faded slightly feeling the peculiar vibe and elected the stack of papyrus he’d been looking over could wait until later.

He held Set an arm's length away, his hands planted gently on her shoulders as he searched her expression for a hint as to what was causing his spirited sister such unease.

“What’s wrong?” 

Set swallowed nervously and sighed.

“Set?” Ahk tested, drawing her attention back to him when it began to stray.

“I have something I must tell you—a secret. And I hope that you will help me keep it.”

She said nothing more and walked hastily out to the balcony, leaning against the wide edge of the stone railing to better gaze out over the city. Ahk followed, curiosity and fear fueling his movements. A thousand things flashed into his mind as to what it could be his sister needed to tell him, each slightly more concerning than the last. And by the time he placed himself beside her, he was out of breath, with his heart racing.

“You can tell me anything, you know that,” Ahkmenrah assured her, wishing she would hurry up and end his internal suffering.

“There’s a soldier called Satauhotep. He’s very kind…”

Suddenly, the nervousness on her features lessened, turning into something deeply wistful. A soft smile curled onto her lips and pink tinted her cheeks. She was very obviously infatuated and was scared he might be mad at her on account.

“We’ve sort of been meeting in private—he kissed me once. But I promise nothing more than that.” Set said, some of that concern casting a veil over her smitten features.

He should have warned her, should have told her how dangerous it was for her and a soldier—or anyone—to be caught together. But Ahkmenrah decided not to be angry: foolish as that might have been.

The wife of the pharaoh was to remain loyal to no other man, even if their union hardly classified as a marriage in their minds. To others, they were king and queen, and a queen could be punished for acting so adulterous.

When he smiled, the apprehension vanished from Setshepsut’s face, and her usual spirit quickly surged through her. A part of Ahk feared that fire inside of her would die if she remained stagnantly tethered to him—so he smiled and decided not to be angry.

“This is blessed news. I will gladly keep this secret for you.”

“Really?” Set almost looked surprised.

“Of course,” Ahk promised. 

It wasn’t lost to him that, for her, their marriage was more akin to a life sentence of servitude. Ahkmenrah didn’t want to think about what would become of his sister if she was denied happiness her entire life. As pharaoh, he could take any number of wives to sate his own desires, but Setshepsut? Set could only ever have him, and he was not who she wanted.

“I am truly happy you have found someone, Set. But please be careful,” Ahk warned. “Even as pharaoh, I don’t know if I can protect you both should you get caught.”

“I know,” Setshepsut said softly, meeting his eyes. “Satau does too. He just—he makes me happy. I can’t really explain it beyond that.”

Her gaze turned back out over the city, that familiar guise of infatuation settling firmly across her features. As he looked at her in that stricken state of affection, Ahkmenrah couldn’t help but be envious of the love his sister had found. What followed, however, was a strong yank of sorrow pulling at his heartstrings that stirred memories and a grief he hadn’t thought of in years.

“What are you thinking about?” Set said, catching her brother’s suddenly wistful expression.

“Nouke…” Ahkmenrah whispered, and just saying her name caused his heart to hammer and to break all at once as he realized he had almost let her slip from his memory.  

***

The king and queen’s perfect pantomime held strong for five years before anyone thought to question the legitimacy of their marriage. Surprisingly, Setshepsut’s infatuation with Satauhotep had broken up the monotony their routine had fallen into. Set was happier, and Ahk was happier because she was happier. The three of them could have gone on for many more years that way, but Ahk was called to an early council meeting one afternoon that chose to hinder their comfortable ritual.

The pharaoh was smart enough to know why his advisors summoned him midday to discuss important ‘family matters', and to some extent; it was odd that the council—and his father—had taken so long to bring up the issue concerning heirs. Or lack thereof, rather. And while he knew such a time would come; Ahk found he was ill-prepared to answer the questions his councilors threw at him.

“It’s not for a lack of trying,” Ahkmenrah lied.

Until then, he’d remained vague, which made his father’s glower grow significantly. The pharaoh felt horrible for lying, but that was the best way to keep their charade from seeing the light. He knew the importance of leaving behind heirs to ensure the longevity of the family bloodline. He respected that principle and would abide by it as long as Setshepsut had no part in it.

“Perhaps the queen cannot bear children,” one of the advisors suggested.

Ahkmenrah sat in his chair, listening idly to the men at his table bicker about possible reasons why the king and queen had no children. It was almost comical that none of them even considered the truth.

Finally, Merenkahre silenced them all with the raising of his hand and turned his intense eyes to his son.

“Whatever the reason is; I think it is time our pharaoh takes a second wife. If the queen will not give him children, then another will.”

Ahkmenrah sat up straighter, considerably more interested in the council meeting after hearing his father’s suggestion. His smile was difficult to keep reserved, and his stomach tingled excitedly with a hopefulness that he couldn't quite place.

“Would that be satisfactory to the king?” Meren asked, a single brow hooked high on his forehead.

“Very satisfactory,” Ahkmenrah agreed. “However, I want to choose my bride this time.”

“Yes, my thoughts as well,” his father concurred quickly, as though he already prepared for Ahk to demand such an ultimatum. “You will choose from an audience of suitors the council has deemed appropriate for you.”

A frown threatened to twist onto Ahkmenrah’s features, suddenly feeling that pleasant tingle in his stomach shift to irritation.

“Appropriate?” 

“Yes, my king,” Merenkahre assured him. “Ladies who are deserving of you, and will bring you, sons and daughters.”

Trained servants to open their legs for me, is more like it, Ahk thought trying to stifle his sneer.

He wasn’t interested in women who lacked their own dreams and desires; most noble ladies he had met were no more than trained animals. They wanted nothing other than to please their powerful husband and give him sons. He wanted someone who loved him; and shared like-minded thoughts. Someone spirited and adventurous. But Ahkmenrah wasn’t allowed to be so greedy. Marriage for a pharaoh was a political stratagem and nothing more. What his mother and father had was unique for a king and queen. Every century or so, the stars aligned and two souls were allowed to join outside the normal order as Merenkahre and Shepseheret had done. Ahkmenrah was too late for that chance.

“I suppose there is no sense in trying to change your mind on that?” Ahkmenrah probed.

Merenkahre remained resolute, “It’s what’s best for Egypt.”

A bereft sigh escaped the pharaoh’s lips, and he folded.

“So be it.” Ahk stood and looked to his father. “I’ll leave the remainder of this council meeting in your capable hand's father. I need the rest of the evening to think.”

All the men at the table hurried to their feet and bowed as he left saying nothing more. He spent an hour walking in a loop through the palace halls, brooding while trying to find a silver lining in the latest obstacle laid before him. By the time he made it back to his bedchambers, both his feet and his mind were sore from their work out.

Setshepsut was already inside, lounging on a padded bench, boredly eating from a platter of fresh fruit. She threw him a smile as a greeting but nothing more. Despite her relationship with the soldier Satauhotep letting a little bit of steam out of the metaphorical pot of their marriage, the routine often still felt tiresome. Both of them would have loved to be free to do anything other than faking it.

“You’re back from council early,” she fished, as she continued snacking.

Ahkmenrah’s lips pressed into a hard line as he thought back to the discussions he’d endured while he shrugged out of his golden robes and left them in a pile near the edge of his bed. He removed his crown as well, heedlessly tossing it onto the cushion of where he slept and sauntered over to join his sister on the bench.

She offered him the platter of fruits and Ahk absently picked a date to nosh on.

“The council and father are on to us,” he sighed.

“Five years and no children? I suspect they should be.” Setshepsut shrugged. “So what has the council decided should be done about the issue?”

“I am to take another wife—father is arranging suitors for me to meet with,”

The expression on Setshepsut’s face changed from one of mild indifference to a sort of happy sadness that Ahk had not expected to find when he looked at her.

“What are you thinking?” 

A rueful smile ghosted onto her lips, and she half shrugged.

“Nothing—I’m just glad…” 

“Glad?” Ahk’s brows knit together.

“Yeah,” she looked at him, her big dark eyes meeting his with ample compassion. “I’m glad that you may finally find some happiness.”

Ahkmenrah looked at her adoringly. He knew her well enough to read between the lines: she was happy he may have a chance to find love, but sad she could not pursue the love she had found.

“I’m happy with you, Set,” Ahk assured her, not knowing what else to say.

“I know, me too.” More sorrow darkened her expression. “But you and I will never be completely happy this way.”

Another piece of that little girl he’d grown up with vanished in that moment causing a poignant tug on Ahkmenrah’s heart strings. She was too wise for her own good.

Ahkmenrah sighed and said nothing more, giving his sister a soft kiss to her cheek before going to distract himself with his endless stacks of papyrus’.  

***

It took Merenkahre all of two days to gather an audience of suitable women for Ahkmenrah to choose from. He came to the pharaoh’s bed-chamber early that morning with a taut smile on his lips, wearing an air of pride that could almost rival the one Kahmunrah carried every day without reason.

Ahk dismissed the servants who had been helping him into his usual raiment with a wave and finished the task himself.

“There are five beautiful young ladies awaiting your approval in the throne room,” Merenkahre told him.

“I commend you for making such quick work of this issue, father,” Ahk stated, unsure if his own tone was genuine or sardonic.

Meren always pursued a task with the utmost devotion and haste. However, Ahkmenrah felt that the matter of choosing potential brides should have been executed a little slower. Nevertheless, Ahk swallowed his own irritation and threw on as genuine a smile as he could muster—if only to please his father.

“So when am I to meet them?”

“As soon as you are ready, my son,” Merenkahre said.

“Perfect.” Ahkmenrah finished dressing by placing his crown upon his head and followed his father to the throne room to meet the brides chosen for him, one of with whom he would have to spend the rest of his life with.

The pharaoh took his rightful place on the golden throne, situating himself comfortably but also as regally as he could manage. His father stood beside him and gave the order to bring the king his prospective brides.

They were all beautiful—his father was correct to tell him so. The women before him glittered like gemstones, draped in finery that almost eclipsed his own. Each one was brought before him, introduced like a product for purchase (a rather off-putting notion for the pharaoh) and primly stepped aside for the next one to be ushered in.

Three of them were daughters of respected noble families Ahk knew to be of Waset. Another was the niece of one of his councilors, and the last, who was vaguely familiar to him. Nensala was from Men-nefer, and the youngest daughter of Sefkh: the man who hosted him and his father all those years ago in his city. He recalled her kindness and how much she reminded him of Setshepsut; Ahkmenrah was glad to see at least one familiar face before him.

“I am heartened by your beauty, and your presence, my ladies,” Ahkmenrah stated, taking on his best official-sounding bravado. “I invite you to share my home for the next few weeks, so that I may get to know each of you before I make my decision.”

Ahk instructed his servants to ready chambers for each of them.

“Please, take this evening to get settled. I will call upon you in the coming days.”

The women all graced him with gleaming smiles and bowed as they were escorted out of the throne room and to their own chambers.

Over the course of two weeks, Ahkmenrah upheld his end of the bargain he and his father had come to and devoted as much of his time as he could to acquainting himself with the ladies chosen to be his bride. He was hopeful in the beginning—longing to harness merely a sliver of potential love, but little by little that hope waned. The pharaoh tried to find a connection between each of them he courted, but despite all the kindling, nothing sparked. It was as he feared: each of them wanted nothing more than to serve him. They lacked dreams and wisdom that made people so unique.

After a week of nothing but wholehearted attempts to find a woman who he would be glad to name as his wife, with nothing to show for it but exhaustion of mind and soul, Ahkmenrah chose to take one evening for himself. His chambers were quiet and blessedly free of suitors who shared no more in common with him then the plants in the gardens.

He was laying across his bed, eyes locked with the tall ceiling, swimming through his own thoughts when Setshepsut came to visit.

“Hello,” he said in a dark monotone that matched the heaviness in his heart.

She laid beside her brother when he motioned for her to join by patting the empty space next to him. Her eyes stayed fixated at the hieroglyphs etched onto the ceiling as well, for a long time. Ahk felt some of the tension begin to ebb with the quiet company of his sister, once again grateful that it was Setshepsut he was bound to.

“What’s wrong with them?” Set finally asked.

Ahkmenrah only shrugged. 

“Well surely there must be something wrong with them--they are all so beautiful.” Setshepsut teased, elbowing his side gently.

Ahk, however, sighed and frowned, not in the mood for her wit.

“That is the problem. They have beauty alone.”

Set was quiet a moment, then turned on her side, propping her head on her elbow.

“Don’t most men only want pretty wives?”

A slow smile crept onto his lips in spite of his sour mood, and he rolled his eyes.

“Forgive me for holding such high standards. I happen to have been raised around a slew of women who were both beautiful and smart. Is it too selfish of me to want both of my wives to be this way?”

They both began to chuckle. Heartened, genuine laughs that the two of them had not shared in a long time, bringing tears to their eyes and a dull ache in their muscles from how hard they’d let go. For a moment, the entire world was made up of only the two of them, and it was a welcomed feeling to be free of reality, even if only for a few seconds.

When the laughter settled, and gentle smiles were all that remained of their fit of giggles, Ahk’s mind began to wander into those almost forgotten times when the golden shackles he wore held a longer chain. Memories stirred of his childhood, and the one person who he was sad no longer was a part of his life.

“I wonder what happened to Nouke after she and her family left?” he thought aloud before he could stop himself.

Nearly a decade had passed since he last saw his friend from the garden. He hoped she was still just as spirited as he remembered.

“I imagine she’s somewhere happily married, with a handful of children who love her…” he mused with a sad smile.

He could feel Set’s eyes upon his face, but Ahk’s stayed transfixed in the space above him, his mind still drawing images of Nouke and the family she may have.

“Ahkmen?” Setshepsut said a while later in a voice only an octave above a whisper.

“Hhmm?”

“Do you think the reason you find it so difficult to give your heart to one of these girls is because you gave it away a long time ago...to Nouke?”

Finally, Ahkmenrah’s eyes tore away from the ceiling, blown wide with realization as he gazed at his sister. She knew him better than he knew himself.

Set smiled at the look of shock on her brother's face and returned to her previous position of staring at the ceiling.  

“You mustn’t lose hope that you will never find love again. Don’t waste the freedom that you hold, and I lack. Please.”

Despite the deep-rooted sadness in her tone, Ahkmenrah still found hope lingering just beneath the surface of her features. Seeing him freely court others was beginning to dampen her spirit; it hurt her that she couldn’t do the same with the man she loved without fear. Set did well to mask that ache though.

Ahk turned his eyes back to the ceiling and slid his hand to hold hers—a comfort both knew to show their understanding.

“I will have Satauhotep added to your personal guard. That way, the two of you may be seen together without cause for suspicion. It’s not a lot--”

Set squeezed his fingers, and cut him off, “It’s enough.”

***

After two weeks, only one suitor remained, Nensala, although, in the pharaoh’s mind, he had already dismissed her as he had the others. There was, however, an intriguing allure to her for Ahkmenrah that none of the other brides had. She was the only one whom he had known previously. Nensala was eleven the last time he saw her the night before an assassin sought to take his life while he slept.

When he met her in the courtyard, her beauty threw a veil over the little girl in his memories; she was a vision in the dulling light of the afternoon. Her skin was delicate against his when she took the arm he offered, and her smile was almost a song as she leaned against his side. It would have been easy to get lost in her physical beauty, but Ahkmenrah was determined to find a bride whose soul matched his own.

He led her on a leisure stroll throughout his palace and its grounds as he had all the others, doing his best to keep his mind away from Nouke. In fact, he'd found it hard not to dwell on his friend from the garden ever since his mind allowed her to settle into the forefront of his memory. Ahkmenrah’s heart yearned for her, yearned to be present in her enchanting spirit that he adored in his youth. It was she whom he had compared all of his potential brides to, and none of them could fill the hole her absence had left inside him.

“Forgive me, my king. But you seem distracted.” Nensala’s voice was soft when she spoke.

Ahkmenrah blinked back to reality, finding they had wandered into the West Garden, and a mirthless chuckle escaped his pursed lips.

“Fitting,” he quipped, glancing around as if to look for his friend he knew wouldn’t be there.

Nensala’s eyes followed his, her forehead creasing with puzzlement as she turned back to look at him.

“What is?”    

A poignant ache tightened in his stomach taking in the empty garden and the silent histories hidden there. He wanted to speak of his friend, their adventures; to reminisce freely, but that would not be kingly.

“I spent a lot of my youth in this garden,” Ahk mused. “With my friend Nouke.”

“Nouke?”  “She was a servant girl—we were inseparable."

A gentle smile lit up Nensala’s face, and she took his hand and led him to the edge of the fountain. She urged him to sit beside her on its wide edge, and spoke.

“Tell me about her.” 

A grin unfurled slowly on his face, only too happy to speak of his friend. He told her of all the games they would play, all the scorching afternoons they spent splashing in the waters of the fountain. The pharaoh spoke of everything except the secret passage they used to venture along the Nile; those memories were sacred to him, kept safely locked away in his heart.

“What happened to her?”

A frown twisted the nostalgic smile off of Ahkmenrah’s face, and he shrugged.

“Her family left our services. By the time I returned from my travels across Egypt, she was gone. I haven’t seen her since.”

“That’s sad,” Nensala murmured, with a genuine ruefulness. 

“Mmm,” Ahkmenrah hummed, his mind lost again in thoughts of Nouke. “I think that’s why I have had such trouble finding another bride…”

“None of us are her…” Nensala finished for him, and for the first time, he truly looked at her.

Her sorrow for him was palpable, and it made his heart feel warm.

“I can understand that,” she said, taking his hand in hers. “There was this boy who came to visit my city years ago; he was so kind, and handsome—with a head full of dreams. My father has had a terrible time trying to find me a husband because no man he has ever brought me has been him.”

Suddenly, Ahkmenrah’s heart was aching for her and for himself. Did she truly see him? See past the golden raiment? She’d been the only one so far to even kindle something more than mediocre conversation. 

“What happened to him?” Ahk asked, truly curious.

She grinned, and the sparkle in her stormy eyes made his heart race.

“He returned to the capital and became pharaoh, taking his sister for a wife.”

Before her words had time to register she scooted closer and leaned to kiss him softly—a test to gauge his reaction. Although his mind was still overrun with thoughts of Nouke, Ahkmenrah found his eyes closing, returning Nensala’s chaste kiss; all of those latent desires bursting with rapid heat.  

It was the first time that he’d been touched since his marriage. There had been many who had caught his eye during a feast or festival he'd hosted; ladies he wanted nothing more than to make his for a night as he’d done countless times before gaining a queen. However, Ahk felt it too unfair—perhaps even cruel—to act so heedlessly on his desires when Setshepsut could not. Over the years those urges had grown numb until Nensala made him realize just how touch starved he truly was.

When she pulled away, there was a slight pinkish hue tinting her cheeks, and she let her eyes fall from his in mild embarrassment.

“Forgive me, my king, for my forwardness.”  

He placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head until her eyes met his own. Lust was spreading like fire inside of him; a gnawing desperation for the need to touch and to be touched clouding all rational thoughts in his mind. A frown began to turn Nensala’s features, a result of his gawking silence, but before she could look away, Ahkmenrah claimed her mouth with a ravenous desire.

His tongue quickly flicked along her lips, stealing a taste, that caused her to open for him with a sigh—her own yearning an echo of his own. Ahk’s hands framed her face, urging her to close the gap between them, not wanting her mouth to leave his until he’d had his fill.    

They were both gasping when they broke away, and he found her eyes twinkling with wonderment. Her fingers trailed along his jaw, drawing him to her mouth again and Ahk met her halfway. There was a desperation in the way their lips danced, passion too, or perhaps it was simply lust. Nevertheless, Ahkmenrah was consumed. She whimpered a bereft cry when he broke their kiss again, but he took Nensala by the hand and whisked her away to the privacy of his bed-chamber.

Ahkmenrah was glad to find his room empty—Setshepsut nowhere to be seen. For a fleeting moment, a pang of guilt wrestled his lust hazed mind, thinking about his sister and the actions their marriage forbid only she from doing. However, he didn’t dwell on it; he needed to feel something. He only hoped Setshepsut would understand.  

Nensala’s eyes took in the grandeur of the pharaoh’s chamber with wonderment and a smile and when her eyes found his bed, she glanced back at him with a coy smirk.

“My king?” she asked, and he answered with a nod of consent.

She approached him slowly, and he watched, hanging on her every movement, taking in just how thin the linen of her gown was. Delicate hands removed his crown, weaving through his hair and when she pulled his bottom lip between her teeth, licking the sensitive skin, heat pooled in his groin.  

His guilt was at war with his desire; and his desire was winning. Ahk’s eyes slid shut at the surge of pleasure her every touch invoked. Deft fingers snaked down his back, spurring a wave of goosebumps over his flesh, as she worked to loosen the fastenings of his wesekh, laying kisses to his jaw as she did. The jeweled collar fell heedlessly between them to the ground, his golden robes slipping from his shoulders in a heap alongside it.

Before Nensala’s hands could finish their downward trajectory, Ahkmenrah grabed her wrists and pulls away from her kisses. At that moment, the pharaoh considered ordering her to leave him so he could retain his silent vow of abstinence a while longer, but his will betrayed him.

With a wordless instruction, he nodded towards his bed. That same, impish smirk unfurled on her lips as she turned to do as her king commanded and perched herself on its edge. Without ceremony, Ahkmenrah removed the rest of his garments, leaving all of them a forgotten pile on the floor.  

Her eyes never strayed from his as he trod across the room, stopping to loom over her. The intensity in her eyes matched the burning in his core and when she stood, Nensala pushed the straps of her dress from her shoulders, allowing it to fall in a whisper from her body. Ahk pulled her against him, his fingertips pressing possessively into the soft flesh of her hips, reveling in the feel of her breasts against his chest. That sudden friction sparked a moan from deep within both. When Ahkmenrah kissed her again, it was fervent and powerful, the kiss of a virile king and Nensala surrendered herself to him, allowing her pharaoh to chase away all of his desires begging to be set free.

 For the first time in a long time, Ahkmenrah felt a sense of peace come over him—no matter how minuscule it was. It was as though his spirit was anew and the air that filled his lungs was inherently more soothing. Losing himself in another person allowed him to find the pieces of him that had been missing for longer than he cared to remember. In his heart, he still missed his friend, but perhaps he’d found room to learn to love the woman in his bed. 

He called for his servants to bring them a tray of fresh fruits and breads to share as they lounged in cheerful company telling stories. Nen spoke of her family back home—her older sisters and their husbands, her brothers and their wives, and all of her nieces and nephews. In return Ahk spoke of his own family. He couldn’t help but find her presence wholly inviting, and yet his mind never failed to trail back to his friend from the garden.

In an attempt to deter the thoughts of Nouke, Ahkmenrah finally mustered the courage to ask the one question that none of his other potential brides could answer correctly: what was it she wanted out of life, what dreams did she have?

Nensala thought for a moment, her lighthearted expression growing pensive as she really considered her answer.

“There are many places I would love to see—the pyramids. They’ve always intrigued me; the stories there. They’re but a half day’s journey from Men-nefer, but I’ve never gone. And the way you spoke of the Mediterranean? I’d love to see those blue waters.”   

Ahk listened to her avidly as a hopefulness began to take root in his bones. All he wanted was to share his life with someone who he could love, who harnessed the same sense of adventure and adoration for making the most of every day. However, the wistful expression on Nensala’s face fell when she sighed.

“What I want doesn’t matter, though. What does is your happiness, my king.”

Her words were like a knife to him. All of that hope vanished, and he felt knots tighten in his stomach.

“I could make you happy,” she smirked, not taking notice of his suddenly cold expression. “I have already, haven’t I?”

Defeat quickly washed away all the pieces of him he’d thought he’d recovered in her company. She was like all the rest—he was merely a prize that she was ready to bow and succumb to. She held no conviction of her own or integrity. Nensala was trained like all the other brides had been.

“Yes,” he said finally, fighting hard to keep from frowning.

Their conversation lulled soon after, and Ahkmenrah demanded she left, offering no reason. Nensala didn’t question him—more evidence of his fear. He walked her to his door and thanked her for her company, laying a kiss to her cheek and bid her goodnight. 

***

Be it from his own guilt, or the simple want to do something nice for his sister; Ahkmenrah arranged for Satauhotep to join them for a private dinner soon after all the suitors were gone. The modest soiree provided a much-needed distraction from everything that was making the pharaoh’s life significantly less enchanting. His father was unpleased that he ordered his potential brides to leave, he missed Nouke more than he ever had before, and he needed a break from it all.

Set was overjoyed with the idea of a dinner together. Satauhotep however, looked understandably alarmed to find the pharaoh seated at the table they were to share in the secluded dining chamber.

He quickly relinquished Setshepsut’s hand and fell to his knees, muttering a firm, “My king!”, as he did.

“There is no need for such formality here,” Ahkmenrah said with a smirk. “You may rise.” 

Setshepsut helped him stand, and that same look of alarm was on his face when he met the pharaoh’s gaze.

“May I speak freely, my king?” Satauhotep swallowed nervously.

“Of course, I would have it no other way.”

The soldier's eyes drifted between Setshepsut and his king, and he swallowed again before he spoke.

“What is the meaning of this invitation?”

Ahkmenrah smiled and looked at his sister.

“This is my gift to her. And I thought it time I finally met you.”

Satauhotep’s nervousness began to meld into panic, but Setshepsut took his hand to calm him.

“It’s okay, Satau. He knows—he’s known for a while,” she assured him, kissing his cheek.

Color slowly started to come back to the soldier’s features as his mind worked through what Setshepsut confessed, and he looked to Ahkmenrah for some form of reassurance.

“Set told me years ago the two of you met. I only apologize it’s taken me this long to have officially met you.”

A heavy line creased his forehead and surely a hundred questions flooded into his mind.

“W-why am I not being reprimanded? To court your queen—that’s punishable by death.”

“What my sister and I share is a contract, written on a scroll of papyrus by my father—it’s political and nothing more. We’ve been playing our roles for the public alone. Otherwise, our union has been inordinately platonic.”

Satauhotep blinked, confusion drifting over his face as visible as clouds in the sky.

“But I escort you to the pharaoh’s chambers each night—you don’t…?”

Set chuckled, “We play Senet for hours—Ahkmen’s terrible.”

“I taught you how to play Senet,” Ahkmenrah quipped throwing a soured look to his sister.

“You’re still terrible.” She shrugged.

The pharaoh rolled his eyes as he smirked.

“I never told you any of this because it was easiest to keep it between Ahkmen and myself,” Set told him.

“And if you vow not to tell a soul that Set and I are putting on a ruse,” Ahk said. “I promise that I will keep your relationship with my sister a secret.”

For the first time, Satauhotep’s features broke into a smile, and he accepted, pulling Set in for a deep kiss that filled Ahk’s heart with a bubbling warmth to witness. 

The rest of the evening progressed calmly and the pharaoh let himself fade into the background, allowing his sister and her lover some real time so their love could blossom. Watching them together overwhelmed him with both joy and sadness. Their affection for one another enveloped the other in a tangible glow that was brighter than all the lamps and torches combined. A thousand words of poetry drifted between them in the quiet of their intimate glances.

Ahkmenrah found himself turning away just to give them a moment of the privacy they longed to have; it pained him they could not act on what they shared. His actions with Nensala were brought on by unsated lust and greed, on his end, and hers; there was no love there. After seeing what it was his sister was aching to have, Ahkmenrah hated himself even more for giving in.

When Ahkmenrah excused himself, Set gave him a questioning look, but he assured her that no one would bother them, as long as they stayed in that chamber. He bid them both goodnight and returned to his own chamber feeling profoundly tired—worn thin by the cards life had dealt him.

Ahkmenrah wasn’t sure how late it was, or how long after he’d excused himself from dinner when Setshepsut came into his chamber, a vision of love and practically floating across the floor. He welcomed her tight hug gladly, tired of looking out over the city with longing as he thought.

“Thank you, so much, Ahkmen.” She spoke against his chest as she gripped him tighter with her appreciation.

Ahkmenrah hugged her back just as tightly, relishing in the sweetness of her words and the tone that accompanied them.

“Will you sit with me a second? I need to speak to you.”

Concern darkened her carefree demeanor, and she sat next to him on the bench against the balcony railing. Her worry only lessened when Ahkmenrah cast her a gentle smile and took her hands in his.

“I approve wholeheartedly of Satauhotep. He’s kind and strong—the kind of man who can love and protect you in ways that I am unable to.”

Setshepsut grinned and squeezed his fingers.

“I’ve decided; I will find a bride, soon. That way, I can release you from this marriage—you and Satauhotep can be together without fear.”

After watching his sister and her lover, Ahkmenrah realized that his own happiness mattered little to him, and he’d come to accept his time to truly be happy had come and gone in his youth. Kings had to make sacrifices. And if he could grant Setshepsut a life of happiness with someone she loved by making another sacrifice, Ahkmenrah knew he could live the remainder of his days content with the knowledge she was with someone she wanted. Perhaps in time, he could learn to sacrifice even more and learn to love someone like Nensala--someone cut off from the importance of dreams, who strove only to serve him and nothing more. Ahkmenrah dreaded when that day would come, but a part of him knew it would be inevitable. A king needed his queen…

Set lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into another hug as she thanked him more profusely than she had before. There were tears of joy in her eyes when she pulled away, she wiped at them sloppily and gauged him with a new concern, easily reading the heartache on his features.

“You should find her.”

“Who?” He knew already, but still he asked.

“Nouke. It’s possible she could be longing for you somewhere out there as well.”

Setshepsut gave his hands a squeeze again, and Ahkmenrah felt the threat of tears prickle his eyes, but his were not ones of joy.

“Nouke knew a long time ago our paths would always be split: the pharaoh, and the servant…”

Set kissed the back of his hand sweetly, in an act he knew meant she didn’t want him to give up so easily.

“It’s not so strange—the queen and the soldier. Unlikely, but titles don’t define us. You are both more and less than a pharaoh, as she is both more and less than a servant. Mostly, we're all just flesh.”

She left him with another chaste kiss to his cheek, and to ponder her wisdom, which is exactly what he did.

Next Chapter-> Chapter Six: Divided

[atrixfromice]

If isn't one thing, is another!!!

Or “the odyssey of quest for the best microphone!”

I’m going to talk about this, because I promised to some folks I would. But also because I feel the need to talk about this to feel...well, maybe not better...but to feel a bit less dissapointed at least.

I was really excited about going one step further to a higher level regarding my fictional characters, but unfortunately for me, “if isn’t one thing is another” as we say in Mexico. Is an expression for when we have one and another and another misadventure or bad thing happenning succesively.

And that’s precisely what happened to me in general this year. But specially, with this animation project. First my computer started to have trouble, so I told myself “well if that’s so, I might just make the animation in traditional and I could tell my brother to lend me his computer so I can put the drawings together on movie maker”.  And my mom helped me with the traditional animation tools that are the glass desk I use as animation table, and the portable lamp. These ones!

But at the same time with my computer trouble, I had a lot of trouble too with the quality of the audio records when I found my character’s voices, since the peeps who were enthousiastic to work voicing my characters had no microphone to record, and I had no microphone to record either!

They recorded directly with their smartphone, and I with my smartphone and using an earphone as microphone. So in all the cases the voice was overcame by the sound of the street, the neighbords, people talking in the distance, etc.

Plus, one of my friends was so nice to spend an afternoon and night with me until 4 am (via chat online of course, he lives in mexico city and is far away from where I live) talking about my fictional characters and making voices so I could know if he could fit for one of my characters, because he was so excited a bout this animation, and mostly because, as I said before, he always wanted to be a voice actor for animated cartoons.

So I thought it worth the effort to help them and myself a bit, and I had the brilliant, brillant idea ( now I know it wasn’t a good idea XD) of making a tour on my town to see if I could find a good quality micro for a decent price so I could buy at least 2 or 3, and send then 2 to my friends and one for me, or send one to one of  my friends and take one for me.

But what happened I think I wouldn’t have predicted it!

Firs of all, almost all electronic stores were closed due quarantine. Except for one who was a little modest store that had recently oppened. So I bought my micro there because I had no choice.

The first “micro” I bought was actually not a micro (even if the girl who was selling there told me that is was usable to record) but just some headphones that worked via bluetooth with a micro included but they were only to talk, not to record. So yeah that day I learned that you cannot record via bluetooth. Because even if I installed an app so my smartphone could recognize the mic, the sound was horrible!! It sounded like someone who was talking to you from 3 meters away or something like that! Even the records sounded better with my earphone used as micro! And that was so much to say.

So I went to the store and I told the girl I needed to change the product or the return of my money cos this product wasn’t able to make what I needed it for, that was RECORDING AND GIVE ME A GOOD QUALITY SOUND! And then the girl said she couldn’t give me back my money because their enterprise didn’t allowed that, but yes to product changement in case of trouble. So I accepted and she gave me an earphones with microphone included, it was a generic brand but the girl told me it worked well, so I thought everything was going to be ok.

But no, actually that was worse! It got worse and worse.

I arrived home almost at dawn and I spent almost all day walking to go from store to store and come back. So as you can imagine, I was exhausted. I felt like the toothpaste you squeezed and it’s almost to get over. I wasn’t going to record my fictional character’s voice at that moment. I even didn’t ate all day! But I didn’t really cared, I felt too tired so I just I collapsed on the bed like a log.

So the next morning, I woke up and I happily proceeded to test the micro, and for my misfortune, just one of the headphones worked well, and the other didn’t, and the microphone, that was important part I needed, it didn’t worked at all!!! So there you have me, walking 2 hours to go and come back from the same store (since the transports are not doing their service due COVID) to change that micro, and then the girl gave me another brand of headphones with microphone, and I prayed God for this to the good one!  

Again, same stuff, I didn’t ate and I was tired, but this time I didn’t collapsed like a log, I tried to test the micro to know if it worked or not, and then, it happened that the headpones worked both of them, but the micro didn’t work!

So next morning I went to the store for the 3rd time and I was very upset, I told the girl to give me back my money because I didn’t wanted any other product from this store. I'm appreciative she was very understanting with me, because she treated me nicely and with calm even if I was so exasperated, pissed off and cursing in french.

No kidding on this! In retrospective...it was so embarassing because every people at the store turned their gaze at me like if I was a mad woman! LOL But you can deny after the 3rd time receiving a bad product you would probably have felt the same.

so I calmed down as well. And this time she gave me a lapel microphone, because she couldn’t give me back my money. And thanks goodness when I came home, I tested it and it worked. I I felt relieved and could eat finally.

The next morning I prepared myself a sandwich, and took care of my home duties like moping and swepping and dish washing, that stuff. And when the afternoon came and I tried to record on my new, and I realized that while it worked, the sound quality was very bad cos it picked up a lot of the background sounds and it made to some clicking and squeaking like if I was moving it but I wasn’t.

So I took my afternoon to look on google for how to record with a cheap or bad quality microphone (this one was not that cheap, but it was bad!) and I did all what people adived on on youtube and on blog articles. And I tried to record for two afternoons. like 6 and 6 hours, imagine it, I spent 12 hours voice acting!

Even I put covered my windows on aluminium paper, and I recorded on my bathroom and inside of my closet! XD But nothing worked because, while there was a bit les background noise, the recordings still had those annoying squeaking sounds, and when the voice made high notes, it sounded like someone's fingernails on a blackboard!

It was particularly hard to record on the closet, cos I was up for 6 hours and a bit more standing up trying to record something, and I had to start from the beginning because of the so annoying sounds that were made when I made emphasis on the words. So at the end my feet were numb and burining like hell! That not counting that more the time passed, the less my physical strenght to record I had.

And then after I finished, I thought it was really good, and I was so proud and satisfied with the result, then I gave the record to one of my friends, who offered as beta tester to listen my records, and he commented he heard an squeaking sound and that in the pauses when I talked, he could hear my breath! And that he couldn’t understand what was being said. And he’s an native english-speaker, soo, sooo it meant the record was not going to be able to be used!!!

So you can imagine why at the end I was so dissapointed and sad! Because I had a really exhausted body, a wounded pride, and a sore jaw and throat, because when you record voice (specially on a bad quality mic) you must exagerate a bit your voice and pronnounce well, and move your mouth a lot so you can get a good emphasis on your dialogues. And after all this effort I only got a 2 or 3 minutes recording, which was awesome, but the quality wasn’t good enough to be on an animation!!!! *sobs*

It was a dialogue between two characters, the main character from “good team guys” and the main “bad team guys”, from one of my stories. It was an epic battle between these two, and it was so...so awesome and mindblowing!

No kidding! It had all what I wanted it to have, all those delicious emphasis on the right words and phrases. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to record something THIS GOOD ever again in my life! Because I was inspired, and this doesn’t happen very often.

That without counting that I feel like a great jerk now because I feel like I failed to the peeps who were so participative offering their voices to voice my fictional characters, and who were enthusiastic and excited about voicing one of my original characters. But I think I’m smart enough to notice that right now I don’t have the tools to do neither animation nor voice acting.

So.. that’s why I dediced to not record more, not continuating animating, because I’m just I messing up my health and sleep and with this bad quality micro and computer I’ll not have any good results.

I think is better to save money to buy a good microphone for the voice, or a couple of ones, and send one to my friend. And wait until my brother could borrow me his laptop.

I think, while it makes me sad to come back to illustration and comics only...I feel a bit better by talking about my oddysey. So I thanks a lot to y’all who have been here to support my art and listen to what I write about my art projects.

[if-found-return-to-gusu]

Save it for a Rainy Day (Pt. 3)

When I woke up again I honestly did feel much better. I looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly time for work! Freaking out because I overslept, then relaxing because I realized that I was at Lan Zhan’s so the commute was all of 3 minutes, I stumbled out of bed. 

Apparently Lan Zhan has the hearing of a bat though. I’d only coughed a couple of times and very quietly when he flew into the room again asking me what I thought I was doing????

Okay he didn’t ask like that but he gave me another one of his looks. Seriously, that look should be patented. Iconic. 

“Wei Ying, you should be resting,” is what he actually said. 

“What for?” I asked because I am 5 years old. “I feel fine (true) and it’s almost time for my shift to start (also true).”

“I have called Wen Ning and he has agreed to cover your shift. I expect you to rest today.”

“Wha-Re- but!!” 

Again. Pure poetry copyright Wei Wuxian. 

“You didn’t need to call Wen Ning! It’s just the sniffles! Yeah this morning sucked but I’m better now!”

“It is still this morning.” 

Don’t be petty, Lan Zhan. 

“You know what I mean.” Yes I whined. And yes he deserved it. He was being difficult on purpose. 

“Rest,” he said again. And then as if to make sure I didn’t move, produced Suibian out of nowhere (how does he keep doing that?). He spread a little blanket over the bed (and me) and placed Suibian on my lap whereupon she promptly hopped around for a little bit, then flopped over to cuddle. 

That devious little- He knew having a sleepy bunny in my lap would keep me in place until I died! 

I glared at him, but he just smiled that little smile of his. My grumbling fell on deaf ears too. 

“I will return periodically to check on you but call me if you need. I have my cell phone with me, but if that does not work please do call the store phone.”

“Really I’m okay,” I insisted. And I was. The fever was more or less gone and I’d been reduced to light coughing and some sniffles. Yeah maybe not great to go by food still but certainly I didn’t need to be fussed over and babysat like this!

“Do it for me?”

Fuck. 

So of course I agreed. How could I not? HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING AND IT’S NOT FAIR!!!

I grumbled some more but he could obviously tell I’d given in. He put his hand to my forehead again to check my temperature again, but smoothed my hair back again before he left. 

And then he came back again with a light breakfast on a bed tray that was set  next to me so as not to cover up Suibian who was now very happily napping on my lap.

“Call me if you need anything,” he reminded me again. “I will come back to check on you when I can.”

“Yes yes. Now go to work. I’ll be good. You’re going to be late.”

One last hair ruffle and he was gone. 

 ----

I would like to state for the record that I was good for 3 whole hours. Only got up to pee and went right back to bed. 

But after that

I just

Couldn’t take it. I was bored. And not sick. So I set Suibian on the floor so she could follow me around while  I went snooping. 

I wasn’t looking for anything in particular really. It’s just that well. I was determined to find one messy place in the joint. NO ONE CAN JUST LIVE THAT CLEAN.  It’s just not possible. 

So I was literally looking for one thing that wasn’t organized.

Turns out Lan Zhan isn’t human

(Before y’all yell at me I only snooped in communal areas. I left his bedroom alone. I may be a gobin but I do have standards.)

So I didn’t find a mess anywhere, but I did find a flute! It wasn’t the right type of flute, but still a flute. (It was a xiao and I only know how to play the dizi.) 

Well when left alone with a small black bunny, a wild Wei Ying will make his own amusement. And I decided to do this by learning to play the Xiao. The embouchure is a bit weird but it wasn’t too hard to get a good sound out of it. I started testing out the fingerings to see if I could play a scale or a simple song. I think I was doing pretty good before Lan Zhan arriving at the door to stare at me reminded me that sound carries. 

Apparently he could hear me from the kitchen which means I was playing MUCH louder than I thought I was. (I was kinda gauging it on Suibian. Bunnies don’t really like loud noises but she didn’t seem bothered so I didn’t worry about it.). 

“Ah… sorry,” I said, trying to look cute so he wouldn’t be mad at me. I was hoping that the fact that I was still wearing overly large pajamas and had not yet bothered to brush my hair made me look cute rather than homeless. Ah well. 

He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. He led me to the living room to show me he’d set up some paints and supplies for me to entertain myself in a more peaceful way.  He apparently brought the up from the cafe where I kept them. 

“Ohh… erm… thanks Lan Zhan… I’ll uh.. I’ll wash the flute… to get my germs off… Sorry.”

“Mn. No need to apologize. I should have brought these up earlier.”

“I could have found a more quiet way to entertain myself though. I just couldn’t resist. I haven’t played a flute in a while since I’m in an apartment. I missed it. “

He looked thoughtful at that but didn’t comment. Instead he said “How are you feeling?”

I decided not to point out I was already fine this morning and told him as much. 

“I’m feeling a lot better. Thank you. You sure know how to pamper a guy.”

He smiled a little again. 

He stayed with me for a little bit longer, but then had to go back to the cafe. 

I was a good goblin for the rest of the day. I painted some stuff I might post here later. Played with Suibian. Watched some TV. 

It was great, if a bit lonely in Lan Zhan’s house without him. 

He’s back now and cooking dinner again. He brought up some more bunnies. Busu, Banana, and Bichen are now playing with Suibian. I think Bichen especially missed her. Can’t blame her. Suibian is such a sweetie. 

Ah dinner’s almost done. Better wrap this up. 

Not sure if he’s expecting me to stay after dinner or go home. Guess I’ll find out.