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daddyembo · 4 years ago

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A short analysis of the Harry Potter Fandom

One of my favorite things about the Harry Potter fandom is how we react to JK Rowling's biases, be them manifested in subtle in-text exclusion or overt statements on social media.

Rowling created a rich literary universe that preaches inclusion and equality while simultaneously implying the opposite. In her writing, we see moments where she strays from the positive message she attempts to maintain - moments where her unconscious biases peek through, whether she intended to let them in or not. We are all familiar with one example of this: Rowling imagined Dumbledore as a gay man, but she never confirmed this in text - in fact, she might never have imagined this in the first place, but waited to edit her own character until years after the books were published. So, what does this say about Rowling's bigotry? Some might say that bigotry did not play a role in her textual exclusion of Dumbledore's orientation, which is, context aside, an insignificant detail. However, without arguing over semantics, her decision was biased. Dumbledore cannot serve as representation when there is no evidence of what he is supposed to represent. In this way, Rowling implies her belief that LGBTQ+ people are acceptable - as long as the cishet majority is not made to think about them. A similarly biased reader can read the entire Harry Potter series without once being forced to confront how they feel about a major character being gay.

To quickly add a few other examples: Remus Lupin and Sirius Black have a close relationship that can easily be interpreted as romantic; the text does not state so, but it doesn't deny such a relationship exists, either. Rowling did that herself, after the fact. Rita Skeeter, a "manipulative" character we are supposed to despise, is described explicitly as bearing masculine and ungraceful features, implying the gross caricature of a trans woman so often seen in popular media. I recommend Contrapoints's youtube video on JK Rowling for a wonderful, in-depth analysis of Rowling's transphobia and related bigotry - it's thorough and empathetic, so you don't have to worry about your favorite author being unfairly eviscerated. It's all pretty fair.

Anyway, you get the picture. JK Rowling gets so unbearably close to including positive representation of LGBTQ+ communities and other minority groups in her writing, but at the last minute, her biases slip through the cracks and withhold the necessary pieces. However, wherever representation is close to the surface, this fandom is ready and willing to snatch it up.

Since Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was published, fans of the books - mostly LGBTQ+ readers - picked up on the disappointingly subtextual relationship between Remus and Sirius that we are all familiar with. If it had been overtly stated in the book, fans would've written plenty of fanfiction anyway, but it wasn't - and thus, the Marauders fandom was born of spite for what could've been. Readers reimagined a second, equally vivid universe that took place before the events of the Harry Potter series, and what makes this universe so special is that it was created as a direct response. It was a rebellion - an outcry against Rowling's frustrating biases, and a declaration that even a universally loved series like Harry Potter could be improved greatly.

After the events of the last two years - you know, JK Rowling's infuriating essay and everything that went along with that? Yeah. The fandom has used that same rebellious energy to slam Rowling's worldbuilding right back into her face. Marauders content is gayer than ever. Drarry is somehow - despite never really going away - making a resurgence. For every character, LGBTQ+ headcanons have doubled or tripled - and I think what I'm getting at here is that Rowling did this to herself. It was her pseudo-representation that prompted her readers to create their own, solid representation.

In conclusion, I'll say it - we are rewriting the Harry Potter series. What other piece of media is so heavily edited and embellished in the communities of its fans? Media is open to interpretation, no matter what JK Rowling says about authorial intent. We took what was once subtextual and made it canon, in a way no less valid than the original text. I know this is long, but if you've gotten this far into my ramblings... just think about that. Think about the creative power of a community together. Think about how this fandom fights against Rowling's biases not because we hate her work, but because we love it. And please - keep it going.

#harry potter #marauders era #jkr #wolfstar #lgbtq #headcanon

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ellanainthetardis · 5 years ago

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Alright, this will be my review for The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes so obviously spoilers under the cut.

Also obviously, this is my opinion, I force no one to share it and I’m happy to discuss the book with anyone who wants to.

First off, I won’t go into all the deep themes in the books. It seems obvious to me there’s a very clever allegory for a contrat social at work here but since I am not very much interested in that, I will leave it aside. It’s well done, I think, but I am more a character driven sort of reader than theme driven and the debate over “are we the product of our environment or is man a beast at heart” is a bit null here. Surely enough, as one of the quotes at the beginning implies, the whole book more or less struggles to show Dr Gaul somehow turns Coryo into a monster to her Frankenstein… Sure, he seems to hesitate between right and wrong, the nature of the two etc etc. But, really, I have troubles relating to a character questioning the nature of man when that character is so plainly a psychopath himself.

I’m sorry. I said it.

Did I love Snow in this book? Sure. Even when he was being bad, I loved him. What’s not to love? He’s completely over-dramatic. All the time. He’s a complex character with Draco Malfoy vibes and who tries to do well by his family. But he is also sick in the head and that predates Dr Gaul’s little mind games. Can we argue it’s because of his traumatic childhood? Maybe. It doesn’t change the fact he equals love with possession, does not seem to experience remorse nor guilt – or at least not very long and he’s very quick to rationalize it – and has a natural ability to mimic or force himself to act as is expected in any given situation. He doesn’t react to things, you will notice, he behaves the way he thinks people expects him to.

So, he is sick. And since he is sick, the whole debate through his head about the nature of violence, men being beasts without laws, freedom versus enforcement, right and wrong, etc seems void.

Let’s leave that aside for now.

The question you will probably ask me is: did you like the book? And the answer I will give is yes I did. I did enjoy the book. At least the first two third of it.

It’s fast paced, it’s engaging, it’s easy to read…

What I like most is the worldbuilding. What a difference a 3rd pov makes… I mean we finally got all the world building we deserved. And the names. Actually, there were so many names in there I’m pretty sure she threw them as a joke. But, yeah. Everything I reproach Thg was fixed here: we have a more consistent idea of how the Games work out of the arena, we know the currency used is dollars (which we didn’t up until now), we have a better idea of how the Capitol works as a society, about the working of Peacekeepers and Districts… I quite enjoyed learning more about the 1st war and the post war world too.

I also enjoyed the Capitol families Cameos – and I was very wary about them if you read some of my posts pre-released. They were nice nods, it wasn’t too on the nose… I am relieved beyond measure not to have seen a mention of an Abernathy or a Trinket – or an Everdeen or a Mellark, I guess – mostly because that means we are still free to stick to our own hcs. (it’s not that important but still).

The cast of characters were all great – with two notable exceptions but I will come back to that.

I loved Snow’s family. What a surprise to find out Tigris is a Snow? But what joy she is. I really enjoyed her character but I have to say I’m a bit disappointed we didn’t get to see (or at least were told in the epilogue) how they grow apart or how she comes to have whiskers. The Grandma’am was an awesome addition too. Lucy Gray, the Coveys, the Peacekeepers, Sejanus, the other mentors… They were great.

I will argue that maybe Lucy Gray, as a main character (second main character? She’s the yin to his yang in this book) could have been more fleshed out because when it comes down to it, she seems to float around in the story only in relation to Snow. This being said and the pov being mostly Snow’s, it’s coherent with his egocentric view of the world. And I’m sure a lot of people will argue the case that her only purpose being to die so he can get over love is a bit problematic better than I could.

The two characters that I think were disappointing were the “villains” of the tale: Dr Gaul and Highbottom. They were actually so disappointing that I spent a good portion of the book convinced that here was some kind of secret plot, that there would be a conspiracy or something. But no, they were just that… flat.

Highbottom first: the creator of the Hunger Games who, obviously, didn’t mean to and ends up doctoring himself with morphling to forget. And seems to hate Coryo (yes that’s Snow’s nickname) for no obvious reason. I was sure there must be some twist but no, it just turned out he hates Snow because his father stole his Hunger Games idea to pitch it to Gaul for a grade and now he’s responsible for the death of kids. Which, I mean, is valid. But since it’s only here to bring into contrast the “is Snow really bad or have the circumstances make him bad” when, really, he’s a psycho, it ends up being very disappointing on discovery – never mind as the final reveal of the epilogue.

As for Gaul. Is she terrifying? I mean, for a young adult book, sure, I guess. She’s too obviously mean and crazy scientist for me though. I like my villains a little more subtle. She spent her times torturing her pet rabbit and various animals ffs. All she needed was a mustache to twirl. She’s cliché and, again, I’m sure it was like that for rhetoric purposes but… She’s Frankenstein and Snow is her creature, we get it. Why though? She takes a shine to him and proceeds to groom him so he can deliver the world she wants? So he’s her legacy? Because she’s a psycho too and she needs an apprentice? I thought that part was a little fishy because, at the end of the day… I don’t know, it seems a bit random.

But, I suppose, yet again, everything has to revolve around Snow in the book and in Panem.

And we’re touching to the part that annoyed me to death, that really really angered me and that, right now as we speak, I am a little disgusted by.

A short word first about the fan service. And there was plenty of that to go around. All the little wink wink, nudge nudge made me smile at first (like the grandma saying it only takes a spark for fire to catch, that sort of things), it was subtle so it worked. But as the book goes on, all the references built to the point I was sort of terrified Katniss would end up being related to Snow. And while she is not, I am fairly convinced she’s descended from the Coveys, it makes a lot of sense.

Ok… Where to start with that part and be coherent…

The less offensive (yes, I am using that word because it was offending to me) thing was Snow’s recurring reflection about the mockingjays. On hindsight, of course, it has so much more meaning than what is going on on paper, so it made sense and while it was a bit sold too thick, it was also interesting. That’s something I’m willing to grant was good.

I also liked the “it’s not over until the Mockingjay sings” saying. To be honest, I was 100% confident the epilogue would be a flashforward to the end of MJ and that quote would somehow come back into play but apparently not, that’s for us to fanfic instead.

Now, as for the rest… I am going to speak as someone who loves Haymitch Abernathy an unhealthy amount, and while I speak as someone who loves Haymitch, I also feel it is only minorly about Haymitch and a lot about Katniss, Peeta and the rest of the victors. But Haymitch is my favorite character in the series, Haymitch is a big part of why I have dedicated so much time writing fanfics and contributing to the fandom, I am very protective of Haymitch. And, on his behalf, I am so deeply, deeply offended.

In this book, Suzanne Collins makes Snow a victor.

We can argue the semantics. Naturally, he didn’t actually win the Hunger Games.

Or does he?

Because there are no winners, only survivors and by that very definition Coriolanus Snow is a victor.

Coriolanus Snow walked into an arena, was forced into the arena.

Coriolanus Snow fought in the arena.

Coriolanus Snow killed someone in the arena.

Coriolanus Snow walked back out of the arena.

He survived.

It makes him a de facto victor. He is actually literally called that a couple of times throughout the book. It’s reinforced by the idea that mentor and tribute are a team, even.

And this very idea that Snow is a victor, has been a victor all along, is so deeply, deeply upsetting to me. The bond between victors, it’s something very special, I feel. Victors share something nobody else can understand – my very favorite part of the whole series is in Catching Fire when they hold hands, it is such a strong emotional moment, it always moves me, always. And Snow being a part of that defiles it. Worse, that means a victor was actually the one imposing such horrors on other victors all along.

And that’s… I mean, probably in terms of themes and the story as an independent object, it’s all very ironic and dark and full of great meaning about man and it’s condition. But for someone who loves Haymitch, it is very deeply offending to learn the man who has taken everything from him went through the same experience he did, that they share that bond, that they have so many similarities.

Too many similarities actually. And here we are going to branch out on TBOSAS in relation to Katniss more specifically.

That’s another thing I am not sure I liked: how similar Snow’s conditions were to our beloved characters. The starvation, the very similar experience they had growing up.

At first, I didn’t mind it. I thought, even, that it was quite fitting. But the problem came when so much of Katniss’ story was being… stolen, turned around. It started feeling like this book was subverting the powerful story in THG, not just the main plot, but everlark, and the character building. So, of course, here again, it’s probably a matter of questioning if, stemming from the same conditions, you become a hero or a villain. Nature or nurture. That sort of things. And, again, it depends if you look at the big picture and analyze it calmly or if you react with your guts as a fan, I guess. Yeah, no surprise, I’m going the fan route.

So there were a lot of parallels to Katniss.

The starvation. The strong sense of family. Lucy and the singing…

And it wasn’t limited to Katniss, it touched to everlark too.

The star-crossed lovers thing comes to mind obviously (and I want to talk about the ship too but after). Then, there was the bread thing that was both Snow’s and Lucy’s favorite and the fact that Snow brings her food all the time. The poison in the arena we can land at snow’s door since it’s his weapon of choice, but still poison in the arena, my mind goes straight to the berries… (I will tackle the hanging tree song after)

At this point (before she goes in the arena), I was still mostly okay with it because I thought it would somehow have a reason later. Like either Katniss would turn out to be related to Lucy or it would remain light enough to turn out to be foreshadowing for THG.

Then came part 3. And that’s where the book mostly lost me.

There are eleven other Districts in Panem. So why Twelve? And if it had to be Twelve why pollute everything Katniss loves? How are we supposed to see those things the same way again when we know what we now know?

The meadow? The meadow where the toastbabies are dancing and running? Where so many people are laid to rest? Snow has been there, kissed his girl there. And let me tell you, as a Haymitch fan, knowing that Haymitch never gets to reunite with his girl in the meadow because of Snow, it’s a special kind of pain to read Coryo frolicking there in the grass “with his girl”.

And then, of course, I don’t know what is worse… The lake or the song?

Let’s start with the lake. Where do I begin? The lake that is so special to Katniss? The little shack where she stocks everything? The lake that features into so many fanfictions and that, if some people feel the same way I do, can never be used again the same way? So, that lake was where Snow murdered (possibly) his “love”. The lake, thus, becomes a part of Snow’s narrative.

It’s stolen away from Katniss.

And to better stress that point? The scene with the Mockingjays taking up the hanging tree when Lucy is about to get murdered. (let’s make a digression to say oh boy how fun it must have been for Snow during mj, I’m very tempted to fanfic THAT). It’s all very full of symbolism, of course, but with the hindsight? It’s another great important moment stolen away from Katniss. Highjacked. Not unlike a mutt, actually. This book is a mutt XD

Which brings me to what really, really made me angry: the hanging tree song.

That song is so symbolic of MJ and everlark. I mean, there’s one thing I will give MJ the movie and that’s this scene with the song. The people attacking the dam and getting butchered while humming that song? Iconic. But more prosaically, book based, that song is such such a powerful moment. It’s special. And not only because of all the thing with everlark and the tree and midnight.

And suuuuure there might be a lot of symbolism in that song being not strictly about but still intimately related to Snow. Sure. But you know? It’s also another thing that now is about Snow. So even as Katniss was singing that song, getting the Districts to rebel, showing Peeta that District 12 was gone, letting the Mockingjays by the lake take up the chorus… It isn’t just about hope or freedom anymore. Now, it’s about Snow and about how terribly ironic it is this particular song comes to be his demise, how it’s fate or karma or whatever you want to call it. Because now, we can’t unread this book, we can’t unknown what we know.

And I hate that.

Because Katniss’ journey in THG? It’s now so deeply linked to Snow’s story that if you take a step back and think, it’s more all about Snow than it is about her, or her sister or the Districts. Snow lands on top, right?

And you know what really irks me?

The book is actually good as a character study book (not really so much as dystopia because in terms of actual plot, I feel there was really little) but it didn’t have to taint so many elements of THG the way it does.

Let’s say for a moment Snow isn’t Snow. Let’s say he is a wealthy Capitol fallen from grace and that character who is not going to be the President of Panem has the same journey Coryo does. Let’s say at the end of the story, he moves on to become a famous Head Gamemaker or a close advisor to the President?

Well, the themes explored then remained the same, the conclusions remained the same. We lose the visceral signification of his connection to the mockingjays but is that really important? The Hanging Tree now has a resonance for another character in that world, the meadow has probably seen countless lovers reunions and someone killed someone else at the lake, those things happen. The problem is they happen to Coriolanus Snow.

And baring that, let’s say we keep Snow as a main, why did it have to be Twelve? Again, there are eleven other Districts in Panem. He could have come to the very same conclusions in any other place.

Twelve is only relevant in relation to what happens in THG, to Katniss, to Peeta, to Haymitch.

Lucy and the Covey could have ended up stuck in any other Districts. It didn’t have to be Twelve. It didn’t have to spoil the Meadow, or the lake or even the Hanging Tree song.

Is that why Snow hates Twelve so much? Is that why he kills Haymitch’s family even if it’s completely stupid and leaves him without a leash around a Quell’s victor’s neck? Is that why he bombs the Districts into complete oblivion ? Not to punish its victors but because he so intimately hates the place? Because he walked in their very shoes? Because, for a brief time, from his Frankenstein’s experiment, he played in the mud?

For that matter, is that why he has this weird relationship with Katniss? Because she reminds him of Lucy? The similarities are there if you look… Is Katniss a sort of ghost to him? Come back to haunt him after all those decades? Is that why it feels so personal between them?

I will say a quick word about the ship: I was into it at first. Then there was this scene at the zoo after the snake attack on Clemmie and I felt everything started going downhill from there. The ship is rushed. They go from attraction to love in ten seconds FLAT. I know it’s YA and concessions have to be made (although I will argue I read plenty of YA and some ships don’t seem this juvenile), I made them on account of the fact they’re both young and prone to being drama queens.

(I’m making a brief parenthesis because, rereading this, I realized I did say when the book announcement came out and we all very obviously predicted the romance, that as a hayffie fan I hated the thought Snow would have a Capitol/District romance, but on that account, I have to say after reading I don’t even care because it felt so immature and so not actual love, that I don’t feel it really counts? But at the same time, it’s definitely something I have to think upon in terms of hayffie and Snow because would his own experience play in the way he sees them/manipulates/threatens them?)

All in all, though, that ship didn’t convince me. I couldn’t believe it was real. On either part. On Snow’s part because I’m not certain he’s capable of love. He equals love with possession, “his” girl, she “belongs” to him, he liked her better locked in the zoo because he knew where to find her, he constantly questions Lucy’s loyalties… Every time she sings something, he’s like “is it about me? Is it about me? It’s not about me? Who is it about? I hate her. She’s dead to me. Oh but now she’s singing she’s over him. So I love her again”. Being in his head is a journey, let me tell you.

As for Lucy, it’s frustrating. But with Collins, I learned long ago to be frustrated (hey, hayffie fan here XD. You know the two characters you need to build your own hc about if you want to use them with some depths). You can feel there’s this whole backstory about her but we never get to really touch that and so we’re treated to this very strange scene with the ex-lover but we don’t really care because there is no passion, nowhere… In fact, as a character, outside of her singing, her being a show girl, and her little discourse about how man should be free, live and let live yada yada yada, Lucy’s character is very flat in the third part of the book. She’s here only to allow Coryo’s character development.

I would argue that Sejanus actually makes more of an impact on Snow and the general plot than she does in part 3 – or, if you think about it, in the book in general. Lucy is the trigger that gets Coryo’s reflection starting about the hunger games but it’s really Sejanus that challenges it and keeps it going. Sejanus is, in fact, the District character since Snow keeps telling himself the Covey aren’t really Twelve.

I also want to say, on a completely unrelated note, that the constant mansplaying of songs by Snow was unbearable. And that’s not his fault. So, Mrs Collins, I know how to interpret a text thank you. And I’m sure everyone else does to. It broke the pace and the emotion so much for me when he started randomly explaining. The Lucy Gray ballad was the worst. “she’s dead.” NO KIDDING SHERLOCK.

And while we’re in that Lucy Gray thing: very subtle foreshadowing here, btw. Didn’t see it coming at all.

Ah and also something that made me cringe and that I felt was very out of place: the livestock cars and the cages at the zoo. Not to go all social justice warrior but when I read, it immediately hit home and not in the right way. It felt like a prop to stress how inhumane and racist the Capitol was being, they were easy references to loaded terrible horrifying history events and I truly, truly thought it was borderline because, like I said, it was used as a prop.

To conclude.

Is this book great? Yes and No.

I think if you take it independently of THG, it’s a very good book. It’s interesting, the characters are compelling, there is a moral for you to reflect on… It’s not the best dystopian book I’ve read in recent years, it’s not the best young adult book I’ve read in this lockdown (Hi, do yourself a facor, check out the Shadow of the Fox trilogy and then come shout at me in my ask box) but it was still a good read. And I forgot to say but the first half of the novel is actual crack. It was hillarious. Might not have been the intent but come on. It was funny. (and I’m satly they sent him in the arena but they sent him with a can of pepper spray and that will make me laugh forever) I had a good time and, at the end of the day, that’s what you ask of novels.

However, in the general context of the series, loving thg as much as I do, it tainted some of the iconic things, twisted them, insulted some of my most favorites characters, and that really dampened my joy and made me angry. So as a fan… I’m not sure I can say it was great, no.

It certainly didn’t let me indifferent though and that’s already something.

And, I mean, it is so much better than the cursed child I feel I cannot complain too much.

It also does leave the door rather open to a sequel, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s another announcement soon.

#tbosas spoilers #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the ballad of songbirds and snakes spoilers #balladspoilers #spoilers #i read stuff #namely abosas #abosas spoilers #book review #I did my best to correct spelling errors and such #but i've spent the whole day reading and my eyes are killing me

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andihowl · 6 years ago

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Polyamory is queer.

Or rather, Polyamorous folk are queer if they self-identify as such.

Below, I’ll be explaining why any attempt you make to deny that is by definition gatekeeping, and why you need to stop. This will be added to / updated as I talk to more polyamorous folk and hear more of their stories. This is not a debate, I will liberally use my block button, I’m just sick of repeating myself over and over in group after group because polyphobic assholes think they can throw polyam folk under the bus and we won’t say anything. Read. Think. Do better.

Given the shared premises that “queer” is being used in it’s non-pejorative, reclamative usage as an umbrella term representing sexual and gender minorities who have been marginalized and oppressed as a direct result of their identities, and that gatekeeping members of it is an inherently shitty thing to do (goodbye swerfs, terfs, aphobes, etc.), the main reasons I see for people denying polyamorous folk into queer spaces, or into queer discussions generally read like this:

why are we even having this discussion, omg, wtf, gtfo

it’s only used by skeezy heterobros who are looking to get a second girlfriend

it’s only used by skeezy “bi” couples who are unicorn hunting

there are oppressive countries around the world who are practicing polygamy and that’s certainly not good

it’s a kink

it’s a choice

it’s a practice, not an identity

it’s a relationship dynamic, not a sexual orientation or gender identity

everyone wants to be polyam anyway, it’s not an oppressed class.

I'm personally polyamorous, and I don't see it as an identity

I'm uncomfortable with cis-het-allo folk claiming the term queer

These arguments can be categorized more or less into the following main sections:

The Disregard

why are we even having this discussion, omg, wtf, gtfo

By disengaging conversation about this, you are preventing the growth and learning of the community, and you need to knock your shit off. Only through critically assessing our own behavior and the behavior of the community with which we engage can we ever hope to make ourselves, and our world, any better.

The Bad Actors

it’s only used by skeezy heterobros who are looking to get a second girlfriend

it’s only used by skeezy “bi” couples who are unicorn hunting

This is one of the weakest arguments against this, and one of the quickest debunked. Simply put, all identities have bad actors. I've certainly interacted with gay men who haven't taken no for an answer. I've certainly met bisexual people who have used their sexuality as an excuse to cheat on their partners. Just because bad actors exist within a community, does not invalidate the entire identity. You cannot hope to have such a diverse group of people from such diverse backgrounds and upbringings and mental health statuses and economic statuses and expect them all to behave and think the the same homogenous way. Not all gays are alike. Not all trans folk are alike. Not all polyam folk are alike. Deal with it, move on.

Conflation

there are oppressive countries around the world who are practicing polygamy and that’s certainly not good

it’s a kink

Polyamory =/= polygamy. Stop conflating the two. Polyamory (when referring to the practice) is the egalitarian ethical practice of non-monogamy between consenting adults. Polygamy is an authoritarian tool used by patriarchal societies to oppress and silence women, most often without consent. Stop conflating, and move on.

Also, Polyamory is not a kink. To call something a kink, you are tacitly and wilfully admitting that the behavior in question is and should be seen as deviant in society, and derives sexual pleasure out of that deviancy. Polyamory is not, at least not in any healthy relationships I've seen, practiced in such a shameful manner. If you're equating the two, maybe you should address your own underlying phobias regarding polyamory rather than gatekeeping others.

The Choice

it’s a choice

it’s a practice, not an identity

it’s a relationship dynamic, not a sexual orientation or gender identity

These are a bit trickier of a discussion. No, the United States, nor any other country offcially recognizes polyamory as a valid sexual orientation to be protected under federal law. And yes, some people feel they opt-in to a "polyamorous lifestyle". There have been studies conducted on this, and while many respondents to do not classify their polyamory as an orientation, many others did respond saying that they felt they were wired that way, that they felt they were that way since childhood, that monogamous relationships always felt wrong for them.

The polyamory community houses both types of folk, those who feel it's a lifestyle, as well as those who feel it is deeply engrained. As polyadvice writes (specifically toward other polyam folk):

Is polyamory an orientation? Why do we care? Why are we so caught up in whether the way we love other people is a way of being or a way of doing? Why do I get this question so often, and why are we all so invested in the answer?

If you experience your polyamory as an innate part of your self, as something you are rather than something you do, great. It’s part of your orientation. We can split semantic hairs and say it’s a “relationship orientation” as opposed to a “sexual orientation.” Some people don’t experience it that way, and that’s fine too.

What’s not fine is if we start fighting about it and make it some big political or identity-political issue within the [polyam] community. Because you know what? The rest of the world doesn’t care nearly as much about the nuances of our definitions. They’re prepared to deny us health insurance, child custody, media representation, hospital visitation, and plenty else regardless of whether we sort this out amongst ourselves. If we start turning on each other, there’s no one to have our backs.

Simply put, it's none of your damn business if it's an orientation or a choice. Even if it is a choice, as Michael Carey with Slate wrote:

We are all human first. Everything else—nationality, sex, race, orientation—is secondary, and irrelevant to our fundamental rights. As Brian D. Earp recently argued in “Future Tense,” even if homosexuality becomes a choice, mutable under pharmacological ��treatment,” it should still be regarded as part of the normal range of human behavior. We should agree on the principle that anyone pursuing consensual, loving, respectful relationships, forming happy families, and participating productively in society should be welcomed, not ostracized in the name of irrational, ossified stigma.

Not Oppressed

everyone wants to be polyam anyway, it’s not an oppressed class.

Hooooooooold up there partner. Y'all gotta be kidding me. Let's put aside the fact that one of the most common thing's polyam folk hear when they come out to people is "well, that's nice, but I could never do it myself". Let''s put aside the comments/sneers of "so you just sleep with whoever you want?", or the automatic assumption that polyam folk are sluts/skeezes/sex-addicts/cheaters.

The fact of the matter is, for someone who is polyamorous, there are no legal protections for them, whether they be for housing, employment, or medical care (in any of the 50 United States or any other country that I'm aware of). That means if someone is outed at work, they can be fired on the spot for that reason. They can be kicked out of their apartment, lose their home, or be denied medical coverage because of it. Polyamorous relationships are not recognized as valid spouses in hospital situations, they cannot receive tax benefits for their relationship, and they are routinely denied next of kin rights and inheritance. Loss of child custody is common, as family courts do not recognize polyamory as a valid responsible child-rearing environment (which experience and common sense can tell us otherwise)

It's bad enough that Ann Sweeny argued in 2010 in favor of legally expanding the definition of sexual orientation to include polyamory to help protect polyam folk against these kind of grievances (you can download the original pdf argument at that link, it's a long but interesting read). An excerpt:

... polyamorists risk custody loss, workplace discrimination, loss of friends, alienation from their families, and ostracism from spiritual and other communities as a result of revealing their polyamory. In addition, their children often face discrimination at school. Indeed, in one study, nearly half of [polyam] respondents reported having experienced prejudice as a result of their polyamory. Additionally, Emens has noted that the “social hostility [against relationships involving more than two people] sustains various legal burdens on polyamorists, including two-person marriage and partnership laws, adultery and bigamy laws, [and] residential zoning laws.” Furthermore, Rambukkana documented negative reactions to the formation of an on-campus polyamory group that included the university newspaper’s public ridicule of the group on the basis that the group was comprised of “a bunch of ‘culty’ sex maniacs” and the suggestion that the group was a “recruitment machine” that sucked people in “‘with promises of sex and more sex.’”

She goes on to argue:

These forms of discrimination are considerable, and they have the potential to impose severe, indeed devastating, burdens on individuals who espouse polyamory... The many ways that monogamy (as represented by marriage) is privileged under the law, while non-monogamy is burdened, demonstrate that non-monogamous persons, including polyamorists, are oppressed under an “organising principle of inequality” and therefore that they meet Cooper’s test for extension of legal protections.

Honestly, go read that article. It lays out a lot more than I could ever hope to properly summarize here, and outlines pretty succinctly why polyamory is an oppressed class.

What goes for me goes for everyone

I'm personally polyamorous, and I don't see it as an identity

First off, wonderful! Thank you for being polyam and for demonstrating your courage and representation in a world that wants to erase you. Full stop.

Second off. It's fine if you don't feel like your polycraft is inherently part of your identity. That's allowed. Many Nonbinary folk don't feel trans describes their experience; many gay men don't like to use the term queer. That's fine, that's your biz. That doesn't mean that holds the same for everyone else, though, and you shouldn't be limiting the voice and power of others because you have enough privelege to disregard opression you may experience. They do deserve a voice, they do deserve rights, and you consistently chiming in saying "Well I don't" isn't helping the conversation, it's distracting and beside the point.

One person's experience with a community is not necessarily representative of an entire identity's experience with it, and you don't get to claim the right to silence the voices and experences of others in your community.

The Personal Appeal

I'm uncomfortable with cis-het-allo folk claiming the term queer

Well, I'm sorry you are uncomfortable. Honestly. It sucks. However dealing with an expanding and inclusive community is and should be uncomfortable. It should force us to ask questions we didn't want to ask. It should make us rethink things we once thought were firm and held dear.

But just as -allo was added to cis-het bring light to the added axis of identity and oppression that is the asexuality spectrum, it's about time we added -mono to that, to bring to light the fact that being polyam, and being polyam + other identities, brings with it unique problems and unique pride that is deserving of attention, and deserving a seat at the table.

Included Links and Additional Resources

CW: some of these links use the nickname "poly" for "polyamorous" rather than "polynesian". Inclusion here is not an endorsement of that kind of usage, as I have tried to refrain from that usage here and in my everyday conversation. Additionally, I have replaced its usage in the above quotations with [polyam] to prevent further crawlers linking to it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201610/is-polyamory-form-sexual-orientation

(http://polyadvice.tumblr.com/post/114048167048/this-might-be-a-question-you-get-often-but-is

https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/10/is-polyamory-a-choice.html

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=1632653

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/polyamorous-excluded-queer/

https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2013/12/dan-savage-is-poly-queer.html

https://www.autostraddle.com/six-queers-on-polyamory-and-identity-419254/

#polyam #polyamory #queer #gatekeeping #don't @ me #i will block you

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loadingkarma381 · 4 years ago

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michaelandy101-blog · 4 years ago

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A Newbie's Information to HTML5

New Post has been published on http://tiptopreview.com/a-beginners-guide-to-html5/

A Newbie's Information to HTML5

HTML5 was designed to do nearly something you need to do online with out having to obtain browser plugins or different software program. Need to create animations? Embed music and films? Construct superior functions that run in your browser? You may with HTML5.

On this submit, we’ll cowl every part it’s essential to find out about HTML5, together with:

What’s HTML5?

HTML5 is the latest model of HTML. The term refers to two things. One is the updated HTML language itself, which has new elements and attributes. The second is the larger set of technologies that work with this new version of HTML — like a new video format — and enable you to build more complex and powerful websites and apps.

To understand how HTML has evolved over the years, let’s look at the differences between HTML and HTML5.

HTML vs HTML5

HTML is the World Wide Web’s core markup language. Originally designed to semantically describe scientific documents, it has since evolved to describe much more.

Most pages on the web today were built using HTML4. Although much improved since the first version of HTML written in 1993, HTML4 still had its limitations. It’s biggest was if web developers or designers wanted to add content or features to their site that weren’t supported in HTML. In that case, they would have to use non-standard proprietary technologies, like Adobe Flash, which required users to install browser plugins. Even then, some users wouldn’t be able to access that content or feature. Users on iPhones and iPads, for example, wouldn’t be able to since those devices don’t support Flash.

Cue, HTML5. HTML5 was designed to cut out the need for those non-standard proprietary technologies. With this new version of HTML, you can create web applications that work offline, support high-definition video and animations, and know where you are geographically located.

To understand how HTML5 can do all that, let’s look at what’s new in this latest version of HTML.

What is new in HTML5?

HTML5 was designed with major objectives, including:

Making code easier to read for users and screen readers

Reducing the overlap between HTML, CSS, and JavaScript

Promoting design responsiveness and consistency across browsers

Supporting multimedia without the need for Flash or other plugins

Each of these objectives informed the changes in this new version of HTML. Let’s focus on seven of those changes below.

New Semantic Elements

HTML5 introduced several new semantically meaningful tags. These include <section>, <header>, <footer> <nav>, <mark>, <figure>, <aside> <figcaption>, <data>, <time>, <output>, <progress>, <meter> and <main>. These make it easier to write cleaner code that clearly delineates style from content, which is particularly important to users with assistive technologies like screen readers.

Inline SVG

Using HTML4, you’d need Flash, Silverlight, or another technology to add scalable vector graphics (SVGs) to your web pages. With HTML5, you can add vector graphics directly in HTML documents using the <svg> tag. You can also draw rectangles, circles, text, and other vector-based paths and shapes using this new element. Below is an example of a circular shape created using the SVG <circle> element.

Form Features

You can create smarter forms thanks to HTML5’s expanded form options. In addition to all the standard form input types, HTML5 offers more, including: datetime, datetime-local, date, month, week, time, number, range, email, and url. You can also add date pickers, sliders, validation, and placeholder text thanks to the new placeholder attribute, which we’ll discuss later.

WebM Video Format

Before HTML5, you needed browser plugins to embed audio and video content into web pages. Not only did HTML5 introduce <audio> and <video> tags which eliminated the need for browser plugins, it also introduced the WebM video format. This is a royalty-free video format developed by Google that provides a great compression to quality ratio. This can be used with the video element and is supported by most browsers.

Placeholder Attribute

HTML5 introduced the placeholder attribute. You can use this with the <input> element to provide a short hint to help users fill in passwords or other data entry fields. This can help you create better forms. However, it’s important to note that this attribute is not accessible to assistive technologies. Feel free to read more about the problems with the placeholder attribute.

Server-sent Occasions

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Native Net Storage

With the earlier model of HTML, information is saved regionally through cookies. With HTML5, net storage is used instead of cookies because of a scripting API. This lets you retailer information regionally, like cookies, however in a lot bigger portions.

Now that we perceive what’s new in HTML5, let’s check out why you need to be utilizing it in your web site.

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HTML5 presents a variety of advantages over earlier variations of HTML — a few of which we’ve talked about briefly above. Let’s take a better take a look at only a few the reason why HTML5 is so particular.

It’s suitable throughout browsers.

HTML5 is supported by all the main browsers, together with Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Opera, in addition to iOS for Chrome and Safari and Android browsers. It could even work with the older and fewer well-liked browsers like Web Explorer. Meaning when constructing with HTML5, that customers could have a constant expertise in your website, it doesn’t matter what browser they use or whether or not they’re on cell or desktop.

It permits offline shopping.

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It means that you can write cleaner code.

With HTML5’s new semantic components, you may create cleaner and extra descriptive code bases. Earlier than HTML5, builders had to make use of numerous common components like divs and elegance them with CSS to show like headers or navigation menus. The consequence? Lots of divs and sophistication names that made the code tougher to learn.

HTML5 means that you can write extra semantically significant code, which permits you and different readers to separate model and content material.

It’s extra accessible.

Additionally because of HTML5’s new semantic components, you may create web sites and apps which might be extra accessible. Earlier than these components, display screen readers couldn’t decide that a div with a category or ID identify “header” was truly a header. Now with the <header> and different HTML5 semantic tags, display screen readers can extra clearly look at an HTML file and supply a greater expertise to customers who want them.

The best way to Use HTML5

To start out utilizing HTML5 in your web site, it’s really useful that you just create an HTML template first. You may then use this as a boilerplate for all of your future tasks transferring ahead. Right here’s what a primary template seems to be like:

<!DOCTYPE html> <html lang=”en” manifest="/cache.appcache"> <head> <title>That is the Title of the Web page</title> <meta charset="utf-8"> <hyperlink rel="stylesheet" rel="noopener" goal="_blank" href="https://blog.hubspot.com/bootstrap/css/bootstrap.min.css">  <model> /* These model tags are solely essential in case you’re including inside CSS */ </model> </head> <physique> <h1>It is a Heading</h1> <p>It is a paragraph.</p> </physique> </html>

Let’s stroll via the method of constructing this file line-by-line so you may create an HTML template in your net tasks. You may observe alongside utilizing a basic text editor like Notepad++.

First, declare the type of document as HTML5. To do so, you’d add the special code <!DOCTYPE html> on the very first line. There’s no need to add “5” in this declaration since HTML5 is just an evolution of previous HTML standards.

Next, define the root element. Since this element signals what language you’re going to write in, it’s always going to be <html> in an HTML5 doc.

Include a language attribute and define it in the opening tag of the HTML element. Without a language attribute, screen readers will default to the operating system’s language, which could result in mispronunciations of the title and other content on the page. Specifying the attribute will ensure screen readers can determine what language the document is in and make your website more accessible. Since we’re writing this post in English, we’ll set the file’s lang attribute to “en.”

Also include the manifest attribute in your opening HTML tag. This points to your application’s manifest file, which is a list of resources that your web application might need to access while it’s disconnected from the network. This makes it possible for a browser to load your site even when a user loses or doesn’t have an internet connection.

Create the head section of the doc by writing an opening <head> and closing </head> tag. In the head, you’ll put meta information about the page that will not be visible on the front end.

In the head section, name your HTML5 document. Wrap the name in <title></title> tags.

Below the title, add meta information that specifies the character set the browser should use when displaying the page. Generally, pages written in English use UTF-8 so add the line: <meta charset = “UTF-8“ />.

Below, add links to any external stylesheets you’re using. If you’re loading Bootstrap CSS onto your project, for example, it will look something like this: <link rel=”stylesheet” rel=”noopener” target=”_blank” href=”https://blog.hubspot.com/bootstrap/css/bootstrap.min.css”>. For the sake of this demo, I’ll include a dummy link and a comment in HTML noting that it’s optional.

Now create the body section of the doc by writing an opening <body> and closing </body> tag. The body section contains all the information that will be visible on the front end, like your paragraphs, images, and links.

In the body section, add a header and paragraph. You’ll write out the heading name and wrap it in <h1></h1> tags, and write out the paragraph and wrap it in <p></p> tags.

Lastly, don’t forget the closing tag of the html element.

When you’re done, you can save your file with the .html extension and load it into a browser to see how it looks.

Image Source

When did HTML5 come out?

The primary public draft of HTML5 was launched by the Net Hypertext Software Know-how Working Group (WHATWG) in 2008. Nevertheless, it was not launched as a World Vast Net Consortium (W3C) suggestion till October 28, 2014. This suggestion was then merged with the HTML Dwelling Commonplace by WHATWG in 2019.

To know why the specification course of spanned over a decade, let’s take a look at the sophisticated historical past of HTML5.

In 1999, the yr after HTML4 was launched, the W3C determined to cease engaged on HTML and as an alternative concentrate on creating an XML-based equal referred to as XHTML. 4 years later, there was a renewed curiosity in evolving HTML as folks started to understand the deployment of XML relied completely on new applied sciences like RSS.

In 2004, Mozilla and Opera proposed that HTML ought to proceed to be developed at a W3C workshop. When the W3C members rejected the proposal in favor of constant to develop XML-based replacements, Mozilla and Opera — joined by Apple — launched the Net Hypertext Software Know-how Working Group (WHATWG) to proceed evolving HTML.

In 2006, the W3C reversed course and indicated they had been serious about taking part within the growth of the HTML5 specification. A yr later, a gaggle was shaped to work with the WHATWG. These two teams labored collectively for quite a few years till 2011, after they determined that they had two separate objectives. Whereas the W3C wished to publish a completed model of HTML5, the WHATWG wished to publish and repeatedly keep a dwelling normal for HTML.

In 2014, the W3C printed their “final” model of HTML5 and the WHATWG continued to take care of a “living” model on their website. These two paperwork merged in 2019, when the W3C and WHATWG signed an agreement to collaborate on the event of a single model of HTML transferring ahead.

Which browsers assist HTML5?

All the newest variations of main browsers — together with Google Chrome, Opera, Mozilla Firefox, Apple Safari, and Web Explorer — assist many HTML5 options however not all. Presently, Chrome and Opera are probably the most suitable with HTML5, with Firefox and Safari following carefully behind. Web Explorer is the least suitable, though it partially or absolutely helps most HTML5 options.

Beneath is a desk to point out the various compatibility of the main browsers. This is a key:

✓ Absolutely supported

≈ Partially supported

✗ Not supported

Chrome opera Firefox safari Web explorer New semantic components ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ≈ Inline SVG ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ Expanded kind options ✓ ✓ ≈ ≈ ≈ WebM video format ✓ ✓ ✓ ≈ ✗ Placeholder attribute ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ≈ Server-sent occasions ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✗ Native net storage ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓

If you would like a extra detailed breakdown of the totally different variations of browsers that assist HTML5, take a look at Caniuse.com.

HTML5 is the Way forward for the World Vast Net

With its new semantic components, expanded kind choices, format-independent video tag, and extra, HTML5 is revolutionizing how builders construct net pages. This, in flip, is altering shoppers’ experiences online. We are able to now watch movies with out being requested to replace Flash or obtain one other software program. We are able to use functions after we don’t have an web connection. We are able to have the identical nice expertise on a website whether or not utilizing a cellphone, pill, or Sensible TV — and extra.

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coldalbion · 8 years ago

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This is off topic and out of the blue, sorry, but I really don't have someone better I can ask. How does one deal with anger? I'm 30 years old and only recently, in the past few months, have experienced anger. In the past, if someone wronged me or those I care about I'd be sad or embarrassed or ashamed or defensive/protective, but not angry. But recently, I've gotten hopping mad over relatively smaller injuries that I expect to make me other kinds of unhappy. 1/2

2/2 &since this is a new emotion that I don’t know what to do with, I find myself dwelling on things (for days, sometimes) and blowing them all out of proportion, and my strategies for dealing with being sad or embarrassed or whatever aren'y working for anger. I’m looking into what in my life might be causing me to react differently to things, but in the meantime any advice you or your followers might have for channelling anger into something useful or for putting it aside would be most welcomeOK, so tumblr ate most of my original version of this in a most irritating manner, which made me quite annoyed. Why? Because I am a Very Angry Person With Anger Issues. I would have liked to present a thoughtful answer to you, and then gone about my evening, satisfied I’d done right by my anon questioner.Because you came to me. Which means I have to be honest in what I say here - and that, in turn, means I have to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with anger. It serves a purpose - allows for the psychological and somatic maintaining and enforcing of boundaries. Anger is a completely natural response.We talk about channeling anger, but that’s a bit of a misnomer. Anger is an internal state - what we’re actually talking about is *expression* or *manifestation* of that internal state in such a fashion so as not to be toxic, to ourselves and others.You might think what I’m saying here is mere semantics, and in a sense you’d be correct, because once we realise that anger is an internal state which is just as valid as any other - be that happiness, sadness, or embarrassment or whatever - we can begin to perceive what anger is.Anger is a recognition that something is not as we believe it might, could, or even would be. It’s a response which kicks our bodymind into a state in which we may be able to change the situation - whether to fend off a challenge to our preferred narrative of how the world works, or our sense of self or whatever. Often, how we’re enculturated dictates how we express things - if we’re coded as masculine (sometimes this coding works regardless of gender-identity or sense of self) then physical expressions of anger are often not only expected, but downright approved. Anger drives one to manipulate the physical world in some fashion - and within toxic masculinity this can take the form of oppressive violence; asserting oneself at the expense of others. Conversely, those coded as feminine are expected to manipulate the social hierarchies and structures of the world; violent assertion often coming at the expense of others’ social standing or relationships. (Obviously, such binarism is ridiculous, enforced and approved by patriarchy etc, and feminine coded folks are quite capable of toxic physical violence, while those coded as masculine are quite capable of toxic social actions, to say nowt of toxic behaviours, physical and otherwise,which are enacted by enby folks.)The thing to realise that it is, on some level it is impossible for us *not* to express our internal states. Hormones, heartrate - a whole bunch of autonomic effects occur before we become consciously aware that we are experiencing those internal states. In essence, our conscious minds are often engaged in backwards rationalisations for we’re feeling the way we feel. Even if we attempt to “suppress” our anger, we’re still “doing” anger, still expressing it in a very particular way. From the sound of things, the way you’ve been doing things before hasn’t been working to allow you to deal with what’s happening, which may be why you’re experiencing a state of recognisable anger now. So let me repeat:Anger is an OK thing to feel. You don’t have to, nor necessarily should you, seek to “channel” it, unless that feeling is hurting you or others. It’s often quite beneficial to feel the anger to its fullest extent, to sit with it, until it passes.

Not dwelling on the events that caused the anger, rather, allowing oneself to experience the fullness of it. If it helps, describe the emotion, the feeling, the experiences; the way it affects your body and mind, to yourself.I don’t know if you’ve ever seen any of the Marvel movies with the Hulk and Bruce Banner? When he’s asked about how he deals with the fact that he turns into an angry green rage monster, Banner, in his softspoken manner, smiles and says “I’m angry all the time.”Sometimes he allows his anger to express itself as Hulk, and sometimes express itself as Bruce Banner. He doesn’t ‘channel’ it - he accepts that it is part of the conditions of his life, much as we accept the weather.And like the weather, attempting to control it is foolish, so instead we *take advantage* of those conditions. We build houses with particular roof designs to catch rain water, turbines and windmills to catch the wind in their sails and blades.Emotions are contextual responses; change the context, and the emotion will change.If anger arises, accept it, It will pass. Change the conditions you’re in, and it will also pass. Accept that by the very definition of passing, change will occur and that anger is your bodymind’s attempt at enacting and directing change.If you’re that way inclined, sit with your anger, fully accepting that change will happen anyway, inevitably. Understand your anger as a signpost, a sonar pulse, a lightning flash illuminating your inner landscape, following it with the thunderousness of kindness which shakes the worlds of all within its purview - be they self or other.Be kind to yourself, breathe kindness as if it were a physical thing, feel how it affects your body just as the anger does. Remember, water that’s all muddy and churned up still eventually clears itself, just as the air is fresh and new after a storm.Best of luck!

#Anonymous

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guwop-aye-bro-blog · 8 years ago

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Some thoughts on the Facebook Killer and how we reacted to it.

Nothing good stems from Facebook live. The only time I remember it exists, someone is getting murdered on it. Sometimes I wish I could see the meetings that hatch these ideas. Does every social networking company gather around solely to ask each other how to (slightly) repackage what the other one is doing? Are Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram all under an umbrella, in some clandestine cabal? Let me know if I am on to something. Apparently, it took Facebook two hours and 14 minutes to take down the video of Robert Godwin Sr.’s murder. Mark Zuckerberg, likely reflecting on what a shitty idea Facebook Live is, said they’ve “got a lot of work to do.” Well, Mark, I’d suggest faster moderators. More importantly, however, a watchlist for whoever shares an article from Thought Catalog. The cesspool that resides in any and all Facebook comment sections, though? Beyond repair.

A little background on Sunday’s events. The 45 hour manhunt started with Steve Stephens going on Facebook live and literally killing somebody for the world to see. The victim, Robert Godwin Sr., 78, was a stranger. Stephens forced him to say his ex girlfriend’s name (Joy Lane) before shooting him. I haven’t seen the clip and don’t plan on it. However, I unknowingly heard the audio when 93x played it on Monday morning as part of their news segment. I would ask who was responsible for letting a snuff film play on the airwaves, but then someone would say 93x and I’d believe them. In a nutshell, he lost it over some relationship troubles and decided to take it out on the world. Almost two days later, Stephens was caught at McDonalds when he was waiting for some nuggets and fries, per the request of the quick thinking employee. This was the only sensible thing he did. If I’ve mustered up the lack of shame to order McDonalds, I will wait until the fries are ready, even if I’m on the run. All jokes aside, the idea of an elderly man being killed in cold blood on Easter shakes people up, understandably. In this instance, though, it shook them up enough to strip themselves of empathy and politicize it immediately. Good work.

The state of discourse is warped. Given the short shelf life for stories, stormy political climate, and ideologies weaponized ad nauseum, a productive approach to the conversation is, at best, uncommon. If you’re a rational person, this isolated, domestic incident is better left apolitical in its early stages. Even if your argument holds weight, you’re just going to piss people off. During the last election cycle, however, I’ve noticed the Internet throwing their two cents in all at once, hoping to be the first with a take. Some immediately shoehorn an agenda, which is obviously the tasteful option. Others, become forensic detectives and blood spatter analysts overnight. Ever heard of a crisis actor? A stranger with an Android screenshot wants to tell you about it. All of this, of course, under the guise of empathy for Godwin Sr. and his family - or in their words, “that old man that died on Facebook Live or whatever.”

If you’ve spent any time on Twitter lately, social justice is as present as ever. Saying anything deemed “problematic” will make you go viral in the worst way. You don’t want those problems. Frankly, they aren’t out of line most of the time. I’ll always encourage mobilizing against racism and careless language. A few of the younger users tend to virtue signal and leave it at that, but whatever. When I was 17, I liked Ron Paul. They’re far better off than I was then. But, we’re all at risk of getting lost in the sauce.

Within an hour of the story breaking, there were tweets pinning the Cleveland shootings on complex things like hypermasculinity. For the record, it’s no secret that patriarchy played a role here. Men will be destructive, selfish and crazy and still manage to do the mental gymnastics to blame a woman. It’s a tried and true trope. However, “snapping” over a woman versus commanding a stranger to recite their name before ending their life is a little different. Call me crazy, but I think Steve had some screws loose.

Twitter user GeauxGabby, dubbed “The Most Annoying Person On Twitter” by the good people at Bossip, had this to say:

“14 people were just murdered because this man is hurt over his girl. THAT IS HYPERMASCULINITY.”

This was part of a rant about men being murderers. I’ll never attempt to invalidate a woman speaking up about something like that, but it took a strange turn when she got specific. Suddenly, she started to focus solely on black men. I didn’t know who she was so I decided to do my Googles. In a few articles, GeauxGabby is named as a “member” of Black Twitter, although I don’t think she is warmly embraced as such. Her bio is adorned with a #BlackLivesMatter hashtag, as well as a reminder that a retweet does not mean an endorsement. The latter may come as a relief to many.

One of the (deleted) tweets in the thread said “N*****S ARE PISS” echoing sentiments shared with Darren Wilson, George Zimmerman and probably the entire Trump administration. She came to this conclusion so early that the information isn’t even correct - we’ve yet to hear about the 14 other murders. Usually I’d give a pass for misinformation when a story is developing, but not when it’s used to support flippant, dangerous accusations. It’s disheartening to see a valid critique of hypermasculinity mutate into an attack on black men. There’s a lot of opportunities to be thoughtful being squandered by “drag culture.” Nobody wants to unpack ideas when they’re wielded as social currency and provocation.

On the other side of the spectrum, Pepe frogs were doing what they usually do. The reactionary right wing response was expectedly tone deaf, clamoring for a response from Black Lives Matter. How stuck on semantics can you be? An organization against police brutality and systemic oppression isn’t obligated to speak on some lunatic. Immediately, conservative pundits began digging for evidence that Stephens was affiliated with BLM and Islam. It’s almost like they’re trying to smear people they hate, if you can believe that. A comment on the Blue Lives Matter website (I got there on accident, don’t bother visiting unless you want to buy a wristband or something) said that they were expecting an “outcry” towards police when they catch him. How nauseatingly out of touch (or just plain racist) do you have to be to assume that the same people that defended Eric Garner are going to be crusading for this asshole?

Finally, the conspiracy theorists. Now that Alex Jones is doing the pump fake in court, I was worried that I’d be without my dose of crazy when I need it. My fears subsided when I saw a Facebook page juxtapose Christopher Dorner and Steve Stephens, suggesting they were the same person. This was after someone posted an anecdote about their Dad breaking down why the video was fake. Usually I trust Dads, but I don’t think everyone is Dexter Morgan. There were points about the blood drying too quickly, the shot not being realistic, etc. In fact, this theory is dumber than “Dexter” got after John Lithgow called somebody a c*nt. That’s saying something.

These conspiracy theories imply that professional actors are used by the government to deceive the public. They believe that the same people are used in multiple instances. For example, the Boston Marathon bombing and the Sandy Hook massacre were theorized to use the same Academy Award winners. They have gone so far to personally attack the parents of children slain in the 2012 school shooting, and I’m assuming the same will be done to Godwin Sr.’s family if history is any indication.

I’m at a loss as to why they would hire the same person to appear in multiple publicized tragedies and events. Wouldn’t it make more sense to keep a few on retainer? Can they not afford more actors? Actually, can I be a crisis actor? If someone could suggest a template for a resume or do some press shots for me, I’d really be interested. All I have to do is show up and cry, which is what I usually do when I log on to Facebook anyway.

All in all, I don’t really have a thesis here. Sorry to say, but these knee jerk reactions rendered Godwin Sr.’s death into a contest to see who was the loudest in the room. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure whether we project our narcissism whenever we can or have just turned into desensitized shitheads. Look at the president - both options are viable. Regardless, someone died, and I was a bit disturbed (albeit not shocked) at the immediate attempts to politicize and twist the situation to fit a narrative. It’s not a bad thing to just write someone like Stephens off as crazy and leaving your critique to the wayside while families mourn and communities heal. In fact, it may stop us from treating the news like a microwave.

John Dorcy

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poetry-protest-pornography · 8 years ago

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I promised myself i was done responding to these reblogs, because frankly the number of people who clearly didn’t understand the (what i thought was obvious) intention of the post was startling, and I was exhausted by running the distance between the meaning and the ridiculous conclusions and name calling that was leapt to.

But this is the most polite “negative” response I’ve seen, and I thought it deserved a few moments of my time to return the kindness.

My post wasn’t a declaration that every LGBTQ+ person was now “queer”. If it isn’t how you identify yourself, if it’s not a community you claim, you aren’t included under its umbrella. No one with any amount of decency is going to tell you that it’s your label now if it isn’t how you label yourself.

My posts were both an academic defense of the word, and a personal defense against an anonymous person who saw fit to send me a message that my identity was a slur, and that I was a moron and an asshole for it. It was a statement that I would not allow my identity as a queer woman to be used against me. It was an attempt to educate the large number of people on this site that are sorely unaware of the history of the word, and it’s use as a rallying cry by the most marginalized members of the LGBTQ movement.

But again, it was not an assertion that I, or anyone else, use or should use it to describe or identify every person who *could* claim it.

I am not under the impression that queer is no longer used to demean and attack people. I am not someone who has never heard it used in a negative context. But I have also heard gay, lesbian, bisexual, and an array of other oft-celebrated within the LGBT labels used in the same derogatory way. But queer gets torn down, and it is difficult to find a reason for that aside from the fact that it is still largely used by the most marginalized and the least accepted by the LGBT community. The *identity* is not a bad word. The people that use it are not any less valid or informed or entitled to their identity.

I’m just someone who has studied the history of the word, and proudly claims it for myself. I find it empowering to connect myself to its history and to the group of people who use it. But if it doesn’t make you feel the same, then it’s not what I’ll call you (if for some reason any person ever should need to discuss any other person’s identity… which is not really a thing that I think is necessary unless it is in a “i prefer you call me xyz” “okay I’ll call you xyz” way, but that’s a different topic i guess?)

Anyway, that was more than I intended to say… I hope that this explanation is clearer, and that i managed to stay polite. The reactions to this post has made me seriously reconsider my presence on this site (and the general failings of our educational system as many responses illustrated a fundamental lack of understanding of what words mean and how they interact at a semantic level…) but I sincerely appreciate the honest and legitimate attemptat a dialogue that this particular response made.

Another Fun Fact About the Word Queer as an Umbrella Term!

Queer doesn’t perpetuate the binary like the terms represented by the letters in the acronym do!

The binary is a huge reason for biphobia, transphobia, and biases against “effeminate” men and “masculine” women. Having a label that is non-binary is great!

#i personally think #queer is not a slur

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getseriouser · 6 years ago

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20 THOUGHTS: Greene, Eye-Gouge Monster

AND then there were four.

Two redemption stories, a minor premier seeking validation and an underdog looking for quality over quantity

Richmond were fantastic in 2017 and arguably looked better the following year. A grand an opportunity to go back to back you’d never see yet in the penultimate weekend they stuffed it. Tipping they’re still dirty.

Collingwood, the winners that night a year ago, came from nowhere to lose agonisingly a week later. Tipping they’re dirty on that still too.

Geelong has a monkey on its back the size of Naomi Watts’ co-star in that 2005 film set in Skull Island. The minor premier yet not rated a legitimate flag chance. They’d be dirty on that.

And lastly the Giants. Third prelim in four seasons, no-one has put together a more consistent body of finals work without tasting ultimate success. They’d be dirty they haven’t converted a golden opportunity yet.

Lot of get-even stories going on, three will go unsatisfied, yet one will succeed and nothing will taste sweeter.

1. Start with Toby Greene – still don’t get it. Last week, Bont, that was either a free-kick at most or a couple weeks for doing something properly grubby and in need of a spell. A contrived outcome later and he plays last week, instrumental in their win. Given the margin you could say he misses through suspension it’s a Brisbane win. Now, he gets a week and its upheld, but on the vision available the Bont incident looks worse. Don’t get it.

2. Theory – Michael Christian wanted to see Greene go to the Tribunal last week on a serious charge where the Tribunal could come to its own conclusion, away from the constraints of the matrix Christian uses, and the Giant gets a suspension through that channel. It didn’t work, an agreed guilty-verdict into fine-only eventuated and the Christian plan failed. So this week, to avoid that happening again, he gave the suspension up front so Greene would have to work down from a week instead of the Tribunal working it out from scratch.

3. As of writing this his suspension has been upheld but surely the Giants appeal on Thursday. Costs them $5,000, it’s a free hit, and given the size of the task Saturday afternoon and how important he is to them, they’d be mad not too. I expect them too, and in reality, it’s a 50-50 to be a success such is the crazy case it is.

4. It’s an impressive four-year block for the Giants after that win last Saturday. Lost that epic prelim by a kick to the Dogs three years ago, were really in that prelim against the Tigers the year after a long way in, remembering they didn’t have Dylan Shiel for three quarters, and once again into a prelim this year. Leon Cameron has his detractors but they say winning a flag doesn’t just take planning and talent but a little luck as well. Given he continually gets this far, maybe that last ingredient is all they’re missing?

5. Last one on GWS, from a league perspective it was actually encouraging to see that the left of screen displayed decent Giants coverage in the crowd in Brisbane Saturday night. Not a massive contingent but hardly the token couple-dozen of the early years, there was something half-decent for what is still a club shy of ten years old representing what is otherwise rugby and soccer heartland. Encouraging.

6. Right, Brisbane. Told you so. This is a team who had zero injuries until Mitch Robinson and a draw softer than the Russians paid for at least year’s World Cup, so straight sets doesn’t surprise one bit. This is not a top four team, it’s probably a sixth to eighth team at best. Straight sets dot com, doesn’t surprise this column one iota.

7. Luke Hodge though, what a jet, enormous career, huge for the Lions the last two years too, and we just love the look of Jarryd Lyons motioning to the two-time Normie winner for a chair off and the Colac product in body language alone gave it the “nah mate, cheers”. Love that. Well done Hodgey, certainty for a Hall of Fame Legend status at some point you’d think, with that resume.

8. How was the Sam Reid ‘George Gregan’ impersonation on the game-winning-goal? Three or so posessions before the jockey Brent Daniels cheeky checkside, pretty sure it was Reid who dished the ball out like he was given a freshly-baked jacket potato unawares, very quick hands but by the letter of the law incredibly illegal. Umpy was never going to see it but gee, if only he could, would have paid a forward pass for sure.

9. Speaking of umpiring, that spirit of the game free kick nonsense with Adam Kennedy and Charlie Cameron. My Lord. I hope the umpire mistakenly meant the stuff about constant niggle where a free is awarded if its just too much. But otherwise, under the letter of the law, Cameron coming back on was not injured. Play on. Ridiculous.

10. So umpiring, was a shocker this weekend. Match Review and Tribunal not good either. Who is responsible for that? Old Steve “having a shocker” Hocking. My mate is just enduring the nightmare to end all nightmares. Rules, done nothing, scoring, down, I can’t see any portfolio he looks after better than this time last year. Lift Steve.

11. Oh, and whilst we need to whack some folks – how about all that fuss about Mark Blicavs out of defence against the Pies and it cost them the game. They brought Rhys Stanley back in and where did the Blitz play most of his footy in the first half, a first half where the Cats played well? On the wing! David King was the main culprit. So we know not to ask him about the Geelong backline like we don’t ask him to be designated driver. Low blow, but he doesn’t read this, too busy with the behind the goals vision looking for Blicavs on Kennedy or Darling. He’ll be a while.

12. So this week, what we got. Richmond playing a better Geelong but without Hawkins. Anyone see that going any other way than a Tigs win? Didn’t think so. Surely last year’s cock up doesn’t repeat. So one inner-suburban army of hundreds of thousands will bombard all of us in Grand Final week.

13. Then, the day after, weather-pending the greatest collection of Collingwood supporters in one place ever since Pentridge hit capacity once back in the late 80s, hosting a GWS who have been tough for two good weeks but can they go again? The Pies might like the wetter conditions, the mosquito fleet up forward and a classy onball brigade. So we might end up with another huge inner-suburban army up and about in Grand Final week. Giants are in decent nick but, very decent nick.

14. Good to see the Gulls make the VFL Grandma this weekend. Not just coz we like Willy almost as much as Liz Taylor, but because if it had been Richmond reserves versus Essendon reserves it would have been mega scratchy. Let’s just call the VFL for what it is, what used to be the well-respected VFA is now just the AFL Reserves comp with appearances by Port Melbourne and Williamstown. It’s a magoos competition and this Sunday one club will be caring more about the GF the Saturday after, the other will be hellbent on winning so they can secure a local real estate agent as a sponsor the year after to pay for the club jumpers.

15. Jordan De Goey, oh, not worth the risk, he has only played ten seconds of footy in seemingly eight months and is made of tissue paper and is missing a limb and has Rickett’s. One thing though, aside from the German witchcraft and the fact he will have 22 days between the first final and a potential Granny – he hurt his hammy against Geelong in the opening two minutes but ran out, to little impact granted, most of the first half before heading for the tracksuit. No gratuitous stride out where the back door comes off the hinge and there’s the full dramatic hobble off the ground like you’ve got a bad case of pins and needles. Sure, he has a bad history, but this was not your typical tear. If the Pies win, I think he is a certainty to play Grand Final day.

16. Ashes, all done. But please, Timothy. If I’ve told you once I’ve told you a million times: if you win the toss, nine times out of ten you bat first. On the tenth time you think about bowling, but you bat first. We lost the fifth test at the toss.

17. Davey Warner. Couldn’t middle shit. You know you’re going busted when Stuart Broad gets you LB and doesn’t even bother turning around to appeal, he goes immediately from delivery stride into celebrating to gully. Was his brand new baby daughter on the eve of the Ashes a distraction enough? Perhaps. Was it just one bowler having him by the pills and otherwise, if Broad wasn’t playing he could have averaged say, 40? Possibly. Or, he averages 59 in Australia but averages less than 34 overseas. That’s telling. Remember, Steve Waugh and Allan Border, proper batsmen who don’t mind if your TV is an OLED TV or something from ALDI, they actually averaged higher overseas than at home. Proper batsmen.

18. We need to find a new opening pair asap. Not bothered by playing Warner again, because if we do he’ll score a mount of runs against Pakistan and New Zealand on home conditions, but all it does is delay finding his successor for when we need to win tours, I dunno, in India, or England, or anywhere not at the SCG basically.

19. Cam Bancroft, only averaged 11 from his two tests, sure, but gee, they swiftly moved him on because he was so bad, he was bringing such bad cricket juju to the place they brought in Marcus Harris who went on to average 60. No. That’s not right. Harris averaged 9 from his three tests. Brilliant. Harris is now averaging 24 from 9 tests. Bancroft has 10 tests @ 26. Semantics perhaps but I’d be picking the sander before the Victorian first come the summer. But we have four Shield matches before the Gabba, I want to see Matty Renshaw ton up, get into the test team again and stick.

20. And I love this, Steve Smith, missed a test and an innings but still amassed 333 runs more than the next best for most runs in the series. That man is a freak.

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mitchelbobby · 6 years ago

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What Are The Benefits of High Quality Link Building Campaigns in 2019?

Link building has been considered to be at the heart of SEO for more than 15 years now, but it has, over that time, become one of the most divisive and argued over topics in the SEO world in general.

Some people, left stunned and scared after the coming of the great Google Penguin in 2012, an event that devastated a huge number of websites, some of them rather prominent, began to mumble that link building was dead, or so dangerous that it should be avoided altogether.

Those mumblings have grown louder over the years, but in the other camp – the one we are in – still believe that not only is link building still effective, it is an absolute must. What we know and understand however, is that the big challenge for many is building those links properly.

Link Building Semantics

Having read the introduction to the piece, you are probably now rather divided yourself. If the SEO experts can’t seem to agree why would anyone actually risk investing in a link building campaign at all, especially as bad links and bad link building practices can lead to harsh penalties – both manual and algorithmical – very quickly, as Google Penguin has now long been a part of the basic algorithm?

To answer this, we have to get into the semantics behind the phrase ‘link building’ itself. Before the coming of the Penguin the term described the practice of inserting a link to your website in any way you could into other websites. There were link chains, blog farms, paid links, and even ‘sneaky’ links that were placed without the webmasters knowledge. It was a lawless time, but these tactics worked.

Then came Penguin, and many of the sites that had been following these practices were quickly punished, and those that escaped scrambled to disavow every link they had built in that way. This is the type of link building people are talking about when they say link building is dead. If you try these tactics today you’ll regret it for sure.

When the Pearl Lemon team talks about link building, we mean making use of ethical, well-researched, high quality strategies to build links in a way that Google does not find offensive and that offers real, quantifiable benefits for your business.

These strategies revolve around the creation of high quality, useful content. Some call for this content to be placed on high authority websites with strategic links pointing back to your domain. Others call for publication of this content on your own website followed by the implementation of a marketing strategy to attract inbound links to the content on its own merit.

In both cases, the links earned are truly valuable, and necessary if you want your website to rank well for your target keywords in organic search. But the value of link building in the 21st century – call it modern link building if you like – goes beyond simple SEO. How? Here are some of the ways:

Page and Domain Authority

Although they say that they take over 200 factors into consideration when ranking a page for a certain query, Google do openly admit that one of the biggest considerations is the quality and quantity of the links coming into the page.

Google themselves will not share too much about their algorithm – they never do – but the Seattle based company Moz – who have long been leaders in the field of SEO and whose founders, Rand Fishkin and Gillian Muessig are considered two of the foremost authorities on SEO in the world – developed a way to measure this metric, page authority. And while not officially validated by Google, it is considered to be extremely accurate.

Page Authority is a subjective measure of the value of the links flow into a website. Its sister, Domain Authority, measures this across a whole domain. The higher you ‘score’ in terms of these two metrics the more likely it is that your content, and/or your domain as whole, will rank for certain keywords and keyphrases. The investment in high quality link building means that you will be giving yourself the best chance of increasing your PA and DA and therefore ranking higher in organic search results.

Referral Tracking

Setting SEO aside, there is another big benefit offered by responsible link building that is very real but often overlooked; referral traffic. The links that are built will exist until the day the sources they come from no longer exist, so technically they are around indefinitely. And these links can be clicked on by readers who are then taken directly to your site.

In fact, for some of our clients, our deep link building strategies have created a stream of referral traffic that has turned out to be even more valuable to them than the increase in organic rankings. For example, the work we did with Magazine, as described by Deepak here:

youtube

Increase Brand Visibility

Every time your link is placed on a new website, or every new source that accepts your guest post is contacted it opens up a whole new audience to expose your brand to. It’s often just like getting free advertising – or at least a free shout out – to an audience that has, in all likelihood, never heard of you before.

youtube

Case in point, Pearl Lemon founder Deepak Shukla’s relationship with SEMrush. SEMrush is a far bigger concern than Pearl Lemon, but the work he has done with them exposed us to a new, worldwide audience that may never otherwise have found us just yet. Yes, we got some excellent backlinks, but it was the increase in brand visibility – and the aforementioned referral traffic – that was truly invaluable.

Build Brand Authority

Each piece of content you write, or place, to build links is another opportunity to position yourself, and your company, as an authority in your field. If the content you publish is original, informative and engaging and placed both on your own site and then with other publishers relevant to your niche even a casual reader is likely to begin to see you as an authority.

Keep providing this kind of content – written, audio, visual, or a combination of all three – and your reputation will grow, as will trust in your brand. You’ll see an increase in referral traffic and an increased chance that these readers – who are essentially leads that have been warmed by their interest in your content – will become actual conversions.

Build Valuable Relationships

As you begin to have your content published across the guest posting communities that are relevant to your niche you may be able to engineer some valuable cross posting and reciprocal linking relationships that are of true value.

Link Building is a Long Lasting Investment

If you pay for Google Adwords, the investment is useful only for as long as you can afford for them to run. You are essentially renting the visibility that paid ads offer you, when you stop paying the rent, you are evicted from that top spot instantly.

Organic links are different. As previously mentioned, they last for as long as their source exists. They keep providing SEO ‘juice’ and they keep driving referral traffic indefinitely. They are essentially like building equity in a home you own, something that is always preferable to throwing away your money in rent.

The fact is that if your business would benefit from increased visibility in the SERPS – the search engine results pages – or from increased referral traffic then you need to invest in link building. If you would like to increase the visibility and reputation of your brand, you need to invest in link building. And as long as the link building you invest in is ethical, consistent and ‘Google friendly’ you will reap the benefits of making that investment for years to come.

The post What Are The Benefits of High Quality Link Building Campaigns in 2019? appeared first on Pearl Lemon.

source https://pearllemon.com/what-are-the-benefits-of-high-quality-link-building-campaigns-in-2019/ source https://pearllemon.tumblr.com/post/182971725384

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scottsmithuk · 6 years ago

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What Are The Benefits of High Quality Link Building Campaigns in 2019?

Link building has been considered to be at the heart of SEO for more than 15 years now, but it has, over that time, become one of the most divisive and argued over topics in the SEO world in general.

Link Building Semantics

Page and Domain Authority

Referral Tracking

youtube

Increase Brand Visibility

youtube

Build Brand Authority

Build Valuable Relationships

Link Building is a Long Lasting Investment

The post What Are The Benefits of High Quality Link Building Campaigns in 2019? appeared first on Pearl Lemon.

source https://pearllemon.com/what-are-the-benefits-of-high-quality-link-building-campaigns-in-2019/ source https://pearllemon.blogspot.com/2019/02/what-are-benefits-of-high-quality-link.html

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reomanet · 6 years ago

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Adults with disabilities are the best resource for parents of children with disabilities.

Today, Miscarriage Is Seen as a Grievous Loss. But in the 19th Century, It Could Be a Happy Relief. When he was 4, I took my middle son, Edmund, to a feeding clinic for an evaluation. Edmund, now 9, was born with a rare genetic disorder called cri du chat syndrome. He has multiple intensive disabilities including nonverbal autism, and he uses a wheelchair. He had been fed via gastrostomy tube since birth and retched at the slightest taste of food. I worried about this. A lot. To be sure, the feeding tube had enabled him to thrive in spite of his health challenges. He had been barely responsive in the neonatal intensive care unit; by 4, he was a friendly preschooler who mashed his fists on toy pianos, delighting in his terrible music. But sharing a meal I’d prepared with friends and family was one of the great joys of my life. How could my child never experience that pleasure? The feeding clinic informed me that Edmund would require an inpatient stay of at least six weeks. Each day, they’d make hundreds of attempts to feed him until he could accept food without gagging. Six weeks? I worked and had two other kids—even a one-hour daily visit would be rough. He was so affectionate; he never met a lap he didn’t like. I pictured him alone with no one to snuggle under a buzzing fluorescent light, wondering why he’d been abandoned. I pictured myself in his place, spending weeks alone, forced to repeatedly gag. I thanked them, left, and never returned. I wanted him to learn to eat, but I could not let him go through that. At the time, I felt such guilt for failing to help him. Now, however, I’m so relieved we made that choice. What I’ve learned in the five years since then is that parenting Edmund boils down to one major issue: Do I want to change my son so he can fit into the world, or do I want to change the world so it accepts my son as he is? I have learned I should strive for the latter. When Edmund was born, I was thrust into the unknown. The main advice my husband and I received was to seek out other parents of children with similar medical issues. This is, indeed, useful advice. We did, and it was absolutely helpful. Our new community provided a crucial sense of belonging and offered tips on everything from navigating education systems to choosing the best wheelchair. One of my closest friends is mother to a kid with cri du chat syndrome. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Do I want to change my son so he can fit into the world, or do I want to change the world so it accepts my son as he is? But caring for an infant with disabilities was entirely different from caring for Edmund’s brothers. With them, I benefited from parenting knowledge handed down through generations, and I could draw from my own childhood experiences. I regularly observed parent/child dynamics in other families, and I absorbed endless parenting advice in conversation, magazines, and newspapers, not to mention fictional books, movies, and TV shows. I had no such knowledge of how to parent a disabled child. I knew no disabled peers growing up; they didn’t attend my elementary school. We were at sea, as we were told Edmund would always be “profoundly disabled.” I was already overwhelmed, imagining a future centered entirely on caregiving, when a doctor in the NICU took us aside and suggested we institutionalize him. Clueless as I was, I felt this advice was outdated. But experts seemed to validate the worst voices in my head, the ones I was ashamed of: Let me go back in time. I didn’t sign up for this. I slowly realized that being a parent is signing up for this. Eventually, my husband and I sought advice from therapists and teachers, but even they didn’t have access to long-term data, just a few decades of small scientific studies. When I finally turned to social media, I found that the recommendations I’d been given for how to care for Edmund were incomplete and ignored the crucial perspective of disabled adults. On Twitter, I connected with disabled people for the first time. I devoured their tweetstorms, blog posts, and articles. I started to learn about the experience of disability. Stella Young’s TED Talk on disability , with all her wry humor, made me rethink how disabled people are both sentimentalized and denied basic accommodations. By reading their perspectives, I saw Edmund in a whole new light. I heard disabled adults argue that disabled kids need to learn agency and independence rather than compliance. They want to ensure that disabled people are accommodated and receive what they need to live their lives. Many disabled people don’t want to be cured ; disability is frequently essential to their identities. This is even reflected in how most disabled people define themselves: They often prefer to be called “disabled people” because their disability is vital to their sense of self, whereas parents often say “people with disabilities” because they want to stress that their child’s disability doesn’t define them. This may seem like semantics, but it reflects the tension between these two groups. Some disabled people resent that parents, not disabled people, are often the spokespeople for disability issues, because their priorities can be so different. Upon facing a diagnosis for a child that entails disability, parents often want a cure. Failing that, they frequently want their child’s disability to at least be less apparent to the outside world. I certainly empathized with this impulse. As parents, we want the world to readily accept our kids. But when I read an autistic person describe firsthand how painful loud noises are, I began to understand how urgent it is that I protect Edmund from similar pain. I shouldn’t try to “manage” this behavior by coaching him to tolerate the pain, as some other parents and health care professionals recommended; I should instead remove him from a place with noises that hurt him. When I read some disabled people say that they did not want to be cured, that their disability was a part of who they were, I thought that perhaps Edmund felt that way too and was unable to communicate it. Julia Bascom, executive director of the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, writes movingly of the fear and pain of being forced as a child to stop flapping her hands: “Not being able to talk is not the same as not having anything to say.” These insights were invaluable to me as I navigated these new waters. Disability rights advocate Kim Sauder makes this important point : Less than 50 years ago, we were regularly institutionalizing disabled children. The idea that disabled children should be welcomed into their families, embraced for who they are, and cared for at home is still so nascent. While we have come a long way since the days of institutionalization, we nondisabled parents should not treat our children as if they are broken people that need fixing. From listening to disabled people, I no longer see Edmund as fundamentally imperfect. He is simply Edmund, a loving, giggly, inquisitive, stubborn, extroverted kid who needs lots of support to find ways to eat, play, move, and communicate. I am far from the perfect parent, but I now see it’s my job to ensure that he gets a good education, feels loved, and has as much agency as possible, and that the world treats disabled people with dignity and respect. My children, nondisabled and disabled, are not mine to mold. I wouldn’t subject my bookish nondisabled son to unwanted daily sports training; nor should I force Edmund to stop repeatedly tapping his head for comfort. Accepting Edmund, and supporting him to be himself, means I stop acting so much like a coach, and more like his mom. Five years later, Edmund still doesn’t eat orally. Sometimes he’ll grab a piece of food, take a bite, and make a horrible face. Sometimes he fakes eating to be sociable, picking up food and passing it near his mouth, then dropping it on the floor. (This is both adorable and messy.) And though I would love to make him big, delicious meals, he’s not into that, and that’s OK. He doesn’t have to love what I love. He’s thriving in his own way.