#sepi answers

[sepia-stained-sunset]

I know we all like to rag on how fandom distorts and warps characters into a crude mockery of their true selves (for very justified reasons), but there is one case where a certain Fanon interpretation captures my interest fully. That being cutthroat-but-still-loving Janet Drake.

Janet doesn't get much development in canon beyond being Tim's absent mother who fights with Jack a lot and then dies, but the idea of Janet as this cold, calculating woman who nevertheless adores her family and will fight tooth and nail to keep her son safe is something that just feels so much more dynamic to me. Not a Lost Lenore or a tragic Dead Mom, but a vicious fighter whose ruthlessness and cunning were used against everyone but her son (and occasionally husband).

Yes this would just make her a cheap copy of Talia, but Talia at her best is a riveting and compelling character so even a copy of her would still be really damn good. Plus you could have them kiss that's a plot you could use

Terrifying Janet Drake who's also fiercely protective and loving when it comes to her family is one of my favourite fic tropes, especially if everyone gives Tim a bit of a wide berth because they think he can ruin them as easily as she could.

[nadyagifary]

Islamic Psychology based on the Islamic Worldview, including on the Implementation of Practical Psychiatry and Psychotherapy

In terms of pursuing ilm' and answering each question on how Islamic Worldview gives the insight of this discussion, Pychiatric and Pychologic Terms. Those all the parts and the pathways of the story just like a brand new way of studying. Tazkiyatun Nafs > Islamic Worldview > Islamic Pyschology

Each question that is listed on the Psychiatric Rotation on clinical clerkships (co-assistant) is being able to seek Allah ridha's about our ilm'. To dig it more about how we; as an insan, have those kinds of fitrah and be able to make them clear; to see in the best world-view based on Islam; Qur'an, and Sunnah. In order to differentiate how Muslim Intellectualism (Ulama and those acknowledge) growing path with Sunnah vs Western theories, so with this; Islamization of Ilm' is needed, urge, and fatalism happened if the ignorance are still grounded.

By clarifying the variable of theoretical categories and subcategories which was divided as:

a. Nature of the soul; Fitrah and its concept

b. Structure of the soul: Starting with Nafs, continuing on Qalb, encouraging with Aql and accompanied by Ruh

c. Stages of soul; based of the changing of nature and its fluctuation

d. Development of soul; Tazkiyatun Nafs, Jihad an Nafs, Tahdhib al akhlaq and muhlikat so does munjiyat.

"fitrah posits that all human beings are born with the same sound nature, which most agreed is pure and which comes from and has a direct link to God"

So that,

‘‘Islamic psychology is to do with those nafs, the jihad – the mujahada, the struggle over the nafs. Because when we struggle… because the nafs is this… is sort of influenced by certain contingent happenings from the environment, from our instincts or from environmental influences that cause us to deviate from fitrah.’’

Jember, 24 Juni 2024 - 02.00.

NB : Rangkuman ini ditulis karena insomnia non organik et causa pecah tangis yang lagi-lagi tentang ujian kesendirian, baik kesendirian belajar maupun kesendirian rasa.

Lagi-lagi, Allah uji dengan rasa sepi yang begitu melekat, walaupun dikelilingi banyak buku, rasanya akan sangat senang apabila tercetus satu atau dua diskusi sebagai pematik juga penggelora.

Semoga, teman yang membersamai segera dikirim oleh Allah, karena sungguh, kesendirian begitu menyiksa juga membelenggu.

Walaupun bersama dengan kesendirian membuat waktu untuk mengenal Allah, mengenal diri, mengenal waktu dan prioritas jauh lebih banyak, lebih bisa memanfaatkan kebaikan.

Tapi tetap saja, semoga Allah berkenan untuk mengenalkan juga manrik diri Nadya pada orang-orang yang memiliki kesamaan frukuensi, untuk saling belajar, saling mengingatkan, juga memperkukuh ilmu juga iman kepada Allah,

"yaAllah kepada Mu, hamba meminta teman yang frekuensi, seirama dan sejiwa untuk melanjutkan perjalanan ilmu juga implementasinya untuk kebaikan diri, oranglain, maupun ummat"

[theloveries]

The Loveries: Concept

English

Have you ever felt like befriending insecurities? Have you ever sensed that this world is just too lonely? Yes, those are definite answers to those questions.

Each person has their own good and bad sides. Sometimes what appears beautiful hides thorns, and what seems lovely carries its own wounds. These two aspects coexist, sparking a fear of loneliness as we feel undeserving of love. It prompts us to wonder, will there be someone who accepts the thorns and wounds we bear?

Indeed, there will be.

It’s Us.

The Loveries are not just here to bring you joy in a home; we also aim to make you feel unconditionally loved through various life lessons we will experience together. Yet, behind the love we offer on this journey, we also have ‘Easter Eggs’ – small challenges meant to be solved together to discover: love for yourself.

Indonesian

Apakah kamu pernah merasa berteman dengan perasaan tidak percaya diri? Apakah kamu pernah merasa bahwa dunia ini terlalu sepi? Ya, adalah jawaban pasti untuk pertanyaan tersebut.

Setiap manusia memiliki sisi baik dan buruknya masing-masing. Terkadang, apa yang kita lihat indah, ternyata memiliki duri, dan apa yang terlihat cantik, membawa lukanya sendiri. Kedua hal tersebut hidup berdampingan, memicu rasa takut akan kesepian karena kita merasa tidak pantas mendapatkan ‘cinta’. Ini membuat kita bertanya-tanya, akankah ada yang menerima duri dan luka yang kita bawa?

Tentu saja, ada.

Kita.

The Loveries tidak hanya hadir untuk membuatmu merasa bahagia di dalam rumah, tetapi juga ingin membuatmu merasa dicintai tanpa syarat melalui berbagai pelajaran hidup yang akan kita lalui bersama. Namun, di balik cinta yang kami tawarkan dalam perjalanan ini, kami juga memiliki ‘Easter Eggs’, yaitu sedikit tantangan yang harus dipecahkan bersama-sama, guna menemukan; cinta untuk dirimu sendiri.

[jakkesim]

“𝓒𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗌𝖾𝗅𝗒: 𝖲͟𝗉͟𝗂͟𝗅͟𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗎𝗇 𝗈𝗋 𝖽͟𝗋͟𝗂͟𝗇͟𝗄 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗅𝗅𝖾𝗇𝗀𝖾. 𝖦𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗈𝗇!” — by Keenanza Aditya.

The questions:

The answers:

1. Sejauh ini baru Konon >> Jake >> Jungwon;

2. Memalukan tuh sejauh ini kalo aku upchar salah akun bejir. Kemaren pernah salah upchar di akun ca fak kata gue teh wkwkwk;

3. Baru balik rp tahun lalu. Adaaa kalo udah mulai sibuk rlan sih. Sekarang belum sibuk sibuk banget;

4. Hehe

5. Light mode sih kalo aku...

6. Aku nya selalu telat ngabarin wkwk udah yaa segitu aja nanti aku sedih lagi.

7. Ke pacarku dong...

8. Pro: Eysunoo ni nampak nampaknya orang bucin banget kalo udah sayang. Dom banget auranya. Cons: suka flirting ke orang banyak.

9. Sampe lupa saking banyaknya.

10. Sayang...

11. Drinks. Gak mau bawa bawa kehidupan lama. Sudah aku tutup rapat rapat :)))

12. Ini mah jago nya

13. Jagung rebus bejir

14. ❤️🎀🥺👺👹😋😍😭🌱👿

15. Anjing centil

16. Gabut bang... Kalo gada rp hapeku sepi dah pasti

17. Wkwkw gatau. Lucu aja sama mereka. Aku suka pake chara yang cakep centil bayi gemes pendek bogel gitu dah. Jungwon Konon Jake kalo di gabungin ya itu semua dapet.

18. JAKE CENTIL

19. Elah sepal sepil foto mulu bang ga muat media tumblr bang 😭😭😭

20. Komunikasi harus bagus, harus saling percaya, jangan pake emosi terus, kalo lagi emosi usahakan kasih waktu buat diri sendiri dulu buat nenangin pikiran, jangan ambil keputusan waktu lagi marah. apalagi ya bang...

21. Dahlah...

Total DRINK: 1

[runaliashok]

Date: 17th August 2023

Time:22:11

Blog:

A sepy comes in cell,

Yells someone called for gold!

I said what? Was the word?

Something shone out of it!

Answered who guess!

[flawesomehumanbeing]

Approaching a stranger isn't hard HAHA things that I love so much about myself, mostly I don't think that much just approaching strangers, and it helps me to find new friends, and I'm so grateful that the pandemic sudah samar samar yaah :)

Yesterday, 28 Feb 2023 while waiting at MRT Haji Nawi, I was dancing along while listening to "Don't feel like crying by Sigrid", my mood was super good that night, and there was someone coming, she was wearing a blue hoodie, so when she was sitting, I asked her "kalo sudah jam segini, MRT sepi ya?" "ha?" at first she was a little bit confused wkwk like where the heck that sounds coming from wkwk "sering pulang jam segini naik MRT?" "iya" "introvert atau extrovert?" I randomly asked her personality she was giggling while answering "depends on ha ha ha" "oh so it depends on the person that you're talking to? ketika dengan close friends extrovert, dengan strangers introvert?" "correct!" "ambivert? haha" "kayanya ya hahaha" "alright, namanya siapa?" "Gabriella" sambil akhirnya berdiri "Nadia" (aku dari tadi sudah berdiri) wkwk "dari mana?" "abis main tadi dari PIM3, mau balik ke Tebet"

and then we became friends, we talked about a lot of things, she's a private teacher, SAINS, amazing, and btw she ended up becoming my guide wkwk I was supposed to go to Benhil but since she said if you want to go to Tebet, then you can take Sudirman and then transit at Manggarai not a coincidence, she's going to Depok, so we basically gonna use the same way HAHA

she's pretty good at commuting, she knew exactly where the door gonna be, and where the escalator was, and she counted it well haha she was so excited to talk about the KRL, especially how Manggarai's gonna be built haha she guessed my birth year based on "I'm using Tumblr" HAHAHA

we ran to just catch the train, so we can go home earlier, and it was an exhausting wkwk but I've had so much fun haha anyway, before I arrive in Tebet, I asked for her number HAHA and here is what I've got "Gabriella Introvert MRT"

I laughed out loud as I read it HAHA and btw she said she felt like she was adopted by an extrovert HAHAHAHA

[mahapraja]

Did the heavy rain stop her dancing there?

The answer is No.

Hari ini hujan deras, lupa bawa jas hujan, dan naasnya, motor saya mogok. Sebuah kesialan combo. Alhasil saya perlu meneduh sebentar di sebuah ruko terbengkalai. Untungnya saya bukan penakut. Lagipula, daripada basah karena hujan deras, lebih baik saya berdiam di sana. Walau hawa menakutnya terlihat sejelas itu.

Tapi ada hal yang lucu juga hari ini. Saya nggak tau udah berapa lama saya neduh di ruko itu. Mungkin ada sekitar setengah jam lebih karena hujan masih juga belum mau berhenti.

Mata saya menangkap seorang gadis berseragam SMP berjalan di bawah guyuran hujan yang deras. Hanya memasang jas hujan khusus ke tasnya sementara ia membiarkan dirinya, dari atas kepala sampai bawah kaki, dibasahkan oleh hujan.

Bertelanjang kaki, ia menari di bawah hujan. I think this is a strange sight. But, when I realized she was still a child, she deserved to be happy when she was free in the pouring rain.

Enggak apa-apa kehujanan. Because I really understand how I felt before when I was enjoying the rain.

Dulu. Waktu saya seumuran dia. When I was 14 years old; waktu saya belum tau kalau hidup di dunia ini keras; waktu saya belum tau kalau jadi orang dewasa itu nggak semenyenangkan yang saya kira.

Jalanan sepi. Saya jadi merasa sedikit terhibur. Saya seperti melihat diri saya yang dulu di dirinya. Mata berbinar, perasaan bahagia yang membuncah, tersenyum lebar seakan tidak ada satupun kesedihan yang hadir hari ini.

Saya jadi rindu diri saya yang dulu. Tapi sudah cukup terobati.

Lalu entah sejak kapan, saya mulai menuntun motor saya keluar dari atas ruko terbengkalai yang saya singgahi sebentar. Saya seperti tersihir untuk melakukan hal yang sama seperti gadis kecil yang saya liat lakukan tadi.

Saya membiarkan tubuh saya dibasahi oleh hujan. Toh, air hujan juga tidak begitu jahat sehingga harus dihindari.

Gadis kecil itu beberapa langkah jauh di depan saya. Semakin saya perhatikan, semakin saya tau kalau langkahnya bisa saya nilai terlampau berani.

Dia sesekali berputar. Kemudian bergerak kesana-kemari seolah mengikuti irama lagu, padahal hanya gemericik berisik air hujan yang terdengar.

Hebat.

Mungkin kalau dia sudah beranjak dewasa nanti, ia pasti dapat merawat kehidupan dengan baik. Semoga tidak tersesat di jalan yang sama seperti saya. Semoga hal jahat dan sedih tidak terlalu banyak menghampirinya.

Semoga ia hidup bebas selalu.

Jakarta, 08/01/2020 mahapraja.

[boraborahaee]

Malam Ganjil

Sudah lama tidak menulis di tempat yang sepi ini...

disini, hari ini ingin mengeluarkan unek-unek yang tidak penting tapi mudah-mudahan ini sangat membantu untuk meringankana pikiran-pikiran yang tidak penting, mudah-mudahan sangat membantu supaya lebih sehat.

pada waktu itu di malam ganjil bulan Ramadhan, aku masih kontekan dengan orang yang aku kagumi, dan aku pun mengiyakan ketika dia menawarkan untuk bisa buka bersama bareng murid-murid nya.

Aku salah, aku terlalu bahagia, aku terlalu ge’er, aku terlalu baper. bisa- bisa nya kau diajak buka bersama bareng sama murid-murid dia ...

waktu itu hujan cukup deras, dan acara pun sedikit terhambat. aku pun diajak jadi hots bareng dia. tapi aku menolak.

waktu buka puasa pun tiba, perasaan sudah mulai tidak enak. siapa sangka ketika acara itu berlangsung, question-answer si hots memberikan pertanyaan dengan pilihan-pilihan yang menggelikan seperti milih diatas apa dibawah? hih

ketika pertanyaan itu sudah terlontar kepada semuanya, giliran dia menerima pertanyaan dari murid-murid nya..

ah siapa sangka Allah masih sayang aku, allah kasih aku sakit dimalam ganjil ini. dia melontarkan ucapan yang sebener nya itu tidak perlu di dengarkan, Mungkin Allah masih sayang, Allah sudah memberikan kode bahwa dia itu tidak baik.

hal tergila yang pernah aku dengar dia menceritakan seseorang yang dia sayangi di depan mata kepala aku sendiri, tinggi nya, berat badan, kulit nya, dan yang bikin ilfeel dia bilang masih sayang tapi tidak di restui sama orang tua nya.

acara pun selesai, malam pun tiba sekitar pukul 22.00 dan yang bikin ilfeel lagi, gila saja dia ngajak nginep di rumah dia mungkin dia khawatir perempuan pulang malam-malam, jalan sepi, tapi dia gak mikir apa bawa perempuan nginep di rumah dia, dia gak mikir sama orang tua nya, sama keluarga nya, walaupun ada kamar tamu, gak mikir apa gimana nanti sahur nya? ah gila sajaaa dia gak mikir aku tuh suka, siapa sih yang gak seneng diajak nginep di rumah orang yang kita suka. ah gila saja diaa

aku pun pulang, pulang sendiri, puncak pun tibaa aku nangiss sesegukan, bawa motor tidak fokus, gila gila pokonya, aku pun hampir mau terjun ke jurang yang ada dipinggir jalan. bisa-bisa nya nangis sesakit itu...

wallahi !! aku nangis bukan karna dia, aku nangisin diri sendiri ya allah makasih udah buat aku bisa buka mataa. bikin ilfeel duhh hey buka mataaa ayoo kamu berharga di orang yang menghargai kamuuu...

semangat yaaa, please jangan jangan ketemu lagi!

temenan boleh, main bareng lagi jangan!

[journey-to-the-attic]

Ik will spew the most random bs about humans and history at the most random times.

Like, the brothers and ik could be chilling in the common room ik will randomly say,

“did you know that people who enjoy eating spicy food mostly likely have a pain kink? That’s because (insert scientific explanation here).”

Mammon, who has in the middle of spicy cup noodles :

the others immediately choke on their breath because they didn’t even know ik KNEW what a kink was in the first place (but even if she didn’t before, living in the same household as asmo made it an inevitability that she’d find out eventually)

ik in the middle of breakfast: “we have a fruit called a pineapple that contains a digestive enzyme, so when you eat it, it eats you back”

the brothers:

[mybreastsachewithrage]

Is it just me or did Sepideh's performance make Ari's acting shine? During the first season, I thought Ari was a crappy actress. Now I see she just had no chemistry whatsoever with Rosanny. What do you think?

I can definitely see what you mean. The chemistry is way better with Sepi than Rosanny, it feels real and not forced. I also think that season 1 Dani was more one dimensional than season 2 Dani. We get to actually see her explore her pain, be happy, and silly; we see her open up in ways that she never did in the first season. So I think that also gives Ari more range in her acting.

[skyrettes]

did it hurts your feeling?

Martin

Kegiatan sekolah akhir-akhir cukup padat, banget malahan. Bukannya gue ingin mengeluh, tetapi memang kenyataannya begitu. Besok adalah hari pemilihan ketua OSIS baru, yang mana hal itu berarti jabatan gue sebentar lagi akan segera berakhir.

Dari semua kandidat yang ada, menurut gue nggak ada yang kurang sedikitpun mengenai potensi kepemimpinan yang mereka rancangan, cuma hal itu tetap aja kembali kepada semua siswa yang memilih nantinya.

Berhubung besok adalah hari pemilihan ketos baru, maka mau tidak mau gue masih harus stay di sekolah dengan beberapa teman osis untuk menyiapkan beberapa keperluan selama berlangsungnya acara besok pagi, termasuk juga Ela yang menjadi wakil gue selama ini.

"Lo siap lepas jabatan ini?" tanya Ela sambil menggulung kabel yang berantakan sedangkan gue masih sibuk mencari-cari mic cadangan didalam lemari.

Gue tersenyum pada saat itu ketika mendengar pertanyaannya.

"Semua hal yang sudah dimulai, pasti akan menemui akhirnya. So, I'm ready."

Elana Seinandan. Gue, Ela dan Maren memulai persahabatan ini sejak kelas 5 SD. Dimana pada saat itu Ela adalah warga baru di komplek perumahan yang keluarga gue tempatin. Tempat tinggal Ela tepat didepan rumah gue, yang mana hal itu membuat gue dan Maren lebih sering ketemu ketika akan berangkat menuju sekolah diantarkan oleh Papa. Semua dimulai ketika saat itu gue mendapati sosoknya tengah duduk sendirian didepan sekolah untuk menunggu orang tuanya menjemput. Saat itu keadaan sudah lumayan sepi hingga akhirnya Papa meminta gue untuk menghampirinya dan mengajaknya pulang bersama. Ela kecil itu pendiam, sebenarnya masih sama saja dimata gue hingga saat ini. Yang membedakan adalah cara berpikirnya sudah mulai dewasa seiring berjalannya waktu.

"Semua hal yang sudah dimulai, pasti menemui akhirnya." ujarnya mengulangi perkataannya gue lalu tersenyum tipis.

"How about you? Sudah siap nggak gue repotin lagi?"

Dia tertawa kecil sambil mendudukkan dirinya di kursi yang berada didepan gue, hingga posisinya sekarang adalah gue berdiri didepannya.

"Really? Well, sebenernya lo ngerepotin pas lagi resek doang sih, sisanya gue biasa aja." jawab dia dengan tangan yang sibuk merapikan barang-barang di atas meja.

"Emang kalau gue resek gimana?" tanya gue dengan penasaran.

"I can't talk to you. Lo lebih banyak diem, ngerjain apa-apa jadi sendiri. At that moments i feel useless."

Sore itu gue dibuat terdiam sesaat. Gue tiba-tiba teringat dengan insiden kita berantem bulan lalu hingga berakhir dia memblokir semua akun gue. Kita jarang berantem, dan sepertinya insiden waktu itu memanglah cukup parah.

"I am so sorry. Gara-gara Claire kita jadi berantem waktu itu." kata gue.

"Nah, I'm not talking about that fight." katanya dengan nada bicara yang sedikit datar.

Gue cukup memaklumi hal itu karena gue yakin Ela pasti masih merasa kesal.

"Did it hurts your feeling?"

"What?" tanyanya.

"When we don't talk to each other."

Entah apa yang ada dipikirannya pada saat itu hingga membuat Ela tidak langsung membalas pertanyaannya gue dan malah memilih untuk beranjak dari duduknya.

Dia mengambil tas miliknya dan bersiap untuk pulang. Ketika tubuhnya sampai dekat pintu, ia pun menghentikan langkahnya.

"You wanna know the answer?"

"If you want to let me know." jawab gue.

"Yes."

[sepia-stained-sunset]

I need a volume of the Batkids curbstomping Batman, I think that would fix me. It doesn’t even need to be justified in story, it never needs to get brought up again, just give me a full-panel spread of them kicking his ass. I deserve it after this recent arc

Bestie, I'm terrified of letting this post wander outside my inbox because I know for a fact that DC will decide to take us up on this and deliver (deliver very, very poorly at that)

[soramitikusa]

伊東歌詞太郎 「記憶の箱舟」 Ito Kashitaro - Kioku no Hakobune (Memories’s Ark/Bahtera Ingatan) 

Lyrics, Romaji, English & Bahasa Indonesia Translation

Ending theme song of Anime “Decadence”

歌：伊東歌詞太郎 作詞： 伊東歌詞太郎 作曲： 伊東歌詞太郎

Singer: Ito Kashitaro Lyricist: Ito Kashitaro Composer: Ito Kashitaro

Penyanyi: Ito Kashitaro Penulis lirik: Ito Kashitaro Komposer: Ito Kashitaro

こんなに綺麗な世界は　忘れてしまいたいほどだな ナイフで切り取れそうなくらい　静かな夜だから

Konna ni sutekina sekai wa Wasurete shimaitai hodo da na Naifu de kiri toresou na kurai Shizukana yoru dakara

In this world that’s too beautiful that I might forget There’s a night that’s too quite that can even get tear off by a knife

Dunia ini begitu indah bagai akan terlupakan Berkat malam yang begitu hening bagai dapat terbelah oleh pisau

いつだって　いつだって　自分らしさとか 見つからないもの見つけようと 繰り返す毎日を愛せたなら　ささやかに願う

Itsudatte Itsudatte Jibun rashisa toka Mitsukaranai mono mitsukeyou to Kurikaesu mainichi o aiseta nara Sasayakani negau

Anytime, anytime, being oneself If only by finding the things that can’t be found Can make me love the repeated every day, a little pray

Setiap kali, Setiap kali, menjadi seperti diri sendiri Andai saja dengan mencoba mencari hal yang tak dapat dicari Dapat membuat kita mencintai hari-hari yang berulang, ku berbisik berharap

勿忘草に名前を 強がりな自分にさよならを 今より少しでも強い自分なら

Wasurenagusa ni namae o Tsuyogari na jibun ni sayonara o Ima yori sukoshi demo tsuyoi jibun nara

Giving a name to a forget-me-not flower Saying goodbye to my pretender self Hoping for a stronger me

Memberi nama kepada bunga forget-me-not Berhenti menjadi diri yang berpura-pura Andaikan diri ini dapat menjadi sedikit lebih kuat dari hari ini

追いかけるほどに遠くなる 空の青さのような夢だと あなたはまた笑うのかな？ いいや一緒にいてくれたら

Oikakeru hodo ni tooku naru Sora no aosa no youna yume da to Anata wa mata warau no ka na? Iiya isshoni ite kuretara

Even if the more you reach the more it gets far A sky blue like dream Would you still smiling? It’s fine as long as you’re get along

Meskipun semakin dikejar semakin menjauh Sebuah mimpi yang bagaikan birunya langit Apakah kau masih akan tetap tertawa? Tak apa asal bersamamu

本当に綺麗な世界だ　涙が止まらないほどだな 寂しい夜を超えた先に　あなたに会えるから

Hontou ni kirei na sekai da Namida ga tomaranai hodo da na Samishii yoru o koeta saki ni Anata ni aeru kara

What a beautiful world, that your tears gets overflowed Because after these lonely night, I could meet you

Sungguh dunia yang indah membuat air mata tak terbendung Berkat kesempatan bertemu denganmu setelah malam-malam sepi ini

今日だって　明日だって　傷つくこととか 悲しくなることばかりでも 繰り返す痛みを知った先には　優しさがある

Kyou datte Asu datte Kizutsuku koto toka Kanashiku naru koto bakari demo Kurikaesu itami o shitta saki ni wa Yasashisa ga aru

Even today, or even tomorrow, I’m hurting or getting sad all day After these repeated suffering, there’s kindness

Hari ini, maupun besok, meskipun terluka Atau pun bersedih sepanjang hari Setelah merasakan luka berulang kali kau akan menemukan kebaikan

すれ違う人の風が 本当の気持ちをさらっていく 伝えられるほどは強くないから

Sure chigau hito no kaze ga Hontou no kimochi o saratte iku Tsutaerareru hodo wa tsuyokunai kara

The wind from people pass by Sweep away the genuine feelings Because i’m not that strong to express it

Angin yang berhembus dari lalu lalang orang Menyapu perasaan sejatinya Karena tak cukup berani untuk menyampaikannya

問いかけるほどに迷いだす 間違いだらけの日々だけど 答えは見つけられないから いいやいっそ明日に賭けたら

Toi kakeru hodo ni mayoi dasu Machigai darake no hibi dakedo Kotae wa mitsukerarenai kara Ii ya isso asu ni kaketara

The more you ask the more you get lost Even with days full of failure Because the answers has yet to find It’s fine, just bet for a better tomorrow

Semakin bertanya akan semakin tersesat Meskipun hari-hari penuh kegagalan seperti itu Karena tidak menemukan jawabannya Tak apa, berharap saja pada hari esok

追いかけるほどに遠くなる 空の青さのような夢だと あなたはまた笑うのかな？ いいや一緒にいてくれたら

Oikakeru hodo ni tooku naru Sora no aosa no youna yume da to Anata wa mata warau no ka na? Iiya isshoni ite kuretara

Even if the more you reach the more it gets far A sky blue like dream Would you still smiling? It’s fine as long as you’re get along

Meskipun semakin dikejar semakin menjauh Sebuah mimpi yang bagaikan birunya langit Apakah kau masih akan tetap tertawa? Tak apa asal bersamamu

こんなに綺麗な世界は　忘れてしまいたいほどだな ナイフで切り取れそうなくらい　静かな夜だから

Konna ni sutekina sekai wa Wasurete shimaitai hodo da na Naifu de kiri toresou na kurai Shizukana yoru dakara

In this world that’s too beautiful that I might forget There’s a night that’s too quite that can even get tear off by a knife

Dunia ini begitu indah bagai akan terlupakan Berkat malam yang begitu hening bagai dapat terbelah oleh pisau

Japanese lyrics source

[mynameisfate]

Kontemplasi Jelang Tidur

Am I Happy?

reading the happiness project by Gretchen, meskipun most of the time I read it ngerasa bingung iki maksude piye sih, tapi sepanjang ngebaca ttp alam bawah sadar kebawa mikir, "jadi aku bahagia ga sih sekarang? jika tidak, kapan terakhir kali aku benar-benar ngerasa bahagia?"

bekerja di ibukota adalah impianku sejak menjelang lulus kuliah, ya karena teman seangkatan kebanyakan keterima kerja di sini, entah suasta atau sipil.

alhamdulillah, Allah beri amanah buat jadi ce pe en es (semoga sebentar lagi pe en es, drama en i pe semoga segera kelar, aamiin), lalu sudah hampir setahun bekerja di sini. masyaa allah banget ya kerja di bawah birokrasi di mana atasan tu masih "peninggalan orba", if you know what i mean. (PS: semoga akunku ga kena banned, plis pak, tumblr adalah my one and only way to escape, ga mengindikasikan sebuarh gerakan apapun akun saya mah).

speaking of happiness, to be honest, mungkin awal-awal aku sesampai di sini kali ya aku ngerasa happy yang emang hidup. lama-lama, meredup juga. entah masalah keluarga, beban kerja, hubungan interpersonal dengan kawan, berujunglah pada moodku yang ga menentu lalu mengharuskan aku to go seeing my therapist and start my medication again. (lalu pa kabar, Usnaaa yang udah 3 bulan skip terapi dan minum obatnya randoom banget dah hampir 3 bulan full skip obat, makanya psikosomatis di tenggorokan mulai muncul kannn)

so, I guess well yea the answer is so long ago, aku ga inget kapan, but it was definitely at my hometown I feel the real happiness. bisa escaping ke kafe yang enak kopinya tapi sepi, meskipun ada masalah sama bapak ibuk tapi selalu merasa tenang dan terkuatkan oleh ALlah, selalu ada spare time to see my therapist back then, lingkungan kerja yang bikin hati happy, yang ternyata baru aku sadari kalo mengajar adalah passion akuu. aku kangeen siswa siswaaakuuu.

baiklah, bahagia tu emang butuh effort. so far, aku selalu melarikan diri when it comes to doing effort. Bismillah, semoga Allah mudahkan setiap langkah dan bimbing setiap waktu, sehingga apapun yang dikerjakan membuahkan damai dalam hati dan pikir, aamiin. (karena damai > bahagia, ya ga sih? )

BIG PS : bikin resolusi one day one muhasabah, boleh juga ya? meskipun niat serasa setengah hati ni, well lets see aja wkwkkw

Jakarta, 4 Desember 2021

[start-from-something]

sidang skripsi

pada jam segini tanggal 13 dua bulan lalu, aku sudah membenamkan diriku di dalam selimut. tidur secepat mungkin karena takut besoknya kesiangan.

besoknya sidang skripsi. iya, skripsi.

sehari sebelumnya baru dikabarkan oleh dosen komite kalau sidang tanggal 14.

"segera kerjakan revisinya supaya bisa sidang hari kamis." begitu katanya.

seminggu sebelumnya, tanggal 6, aku baru mengirim naskah komplit skripsi ke email prodi, mendaftarkan diri untuk sidang, dengan perasaan gak karuan, harap-harap cemas. aku berada di tengah-tengah, antara ingin sesegera mungkin menyelesaikan ini semua dan juga bingung dengan kemampuanku untuk sidang.

enam hari sebelumnya, tanggal 31 desember, aku menangis lama sekali karena naskah tidak kunjung final. revisi lagi revisi lagi. padahal, targetku itu tanggal 1 januari sudah harus mendaftarkan sidang.

tidak apa, aku sama sekali tidak menyesalinya. semua ini ternyata berujung baik. semua ini ternyata ada hikmahnya. semua perjuanganku terbayar dengan sangat indah.

setahun tidak pulang ke rumah di tengah pandemi, mengerjakan skripsi sendirian, melawan kemalasan yang seperti sudah mengakar dalam diri, berbulan-bulan merasa kesepian karena emang bener-bener sepi rasanya, berbulan-bulan mengulangi rutinitas yang sama. bangun pagi, sarapan, skripsian, makan siang, skripsian lagi, begitu seterusnya. ditambah lagi dengan segala perasaan insecure karena nggak lulus-lulus.

tapi ternyata, alhamdulillah tsumma alhamdulillah, sidang berjalan sangat lancar, tidak terbata-bata, bisa menjawab semua pertanyaan dosen, dan mendapat nilai yang nyaris sempurna. aku teringat di akhir sesi, dosen pembimbingku mengatakan, "selamat ya, faizah, nilai kamu sangat bagus, perjuanganmu sebanding dengan hasilnya".

:') i can't thank her enough altough there are times when she annoyed me a lot. hehe.

saat hari sidang, rasanya beban-beban itu terangkat. senang sekali rasanya :') ga berhenti-berhenti bersyukur. bangga sekali dengan diri sendiri :') ternyata aku bisa lho berjuang kayak gitu. dulu sempet mikir apa aku ini bisa lulus dari sastra arab? now i know the answer.

lalu, apa yang aku lakukan setelah sidang dan menyelesaikan segala embel-embel yudisium? tentu saja mencari tiket pulang ke rumah :')

terima kasih ya Allah, sudah mengizinkan fafa untuk merasakan ini semua. terima kasih, fafa, sudah mau berjuang sampai sini. masih banyak perjuangan yang harus kamu hadapi. jangan lupa perbanyak doanya ke Allah, ya.

[ct7567329]

War Against Us: Captain Rex x Reader: Chapter 4

"Rise and shine everyone!" Anakin yelled as the sun started to go up. As you looked over you noticed Rex's armor was gone, as was he. The sun was shining into the cave, reflecting a shine off a rock next to your robe. Curious, you get up and check out the rock.  

"Zyemus ausra," it says. Smiling, you look out the cave and see Rex talking to Tup, though wishing he wasn't so you could let him know you saw the message that was obviously left by him.

"(Y/N)! It's time to go!" Anakin shouted upon you exiting the cave.

"I'm here, relax," you groaned, acknowledging the fact that Rishi was hotter than you expected.

While removing your robe and tying it around your waist, you looked a Jesse, who was walking next to you. "How do you do it? It's so hot out and with all that armor?" You ask as sweat begins to form at your hair line.

"It's all about experience General (Y/LN). We were engineered to adapt quickly. In my first battle with the 501st, we were on Tatooine, we heard there was some sepy intel there. We spent two days and nights in that dry land. I learned quickly," he laughed, "If it makes you feel any better, this heat is no where near the worst you'll see if you stay with us for a while."

"Great!" You rolled your eyes, "Can't wait."

(........................)

"Wait!" You commanded, making all the troopers stop.

"What is it (Y/N)?" Anakin asked in a very annoyed tone.

"Incoming, 5 o'clock," You blurted, almost instantly after Anakin was finished his sentence.

"What are you talking about, it's so qui-" Anakin was cut off by a loud explosion from behind you. Droids appeared from the smoke. "

Must be close to the base, their numbers are quite large," Anakin yelled to you as you both continued to deflect blasts. The droids kept coming and coming.

"I can't believe they got so many droids here, on a Republic planet!" You complained, slicing the last droid down.  "Let's keep going." You finished, turning off your lightsaber and clipping it on your belt.

The troops continued toward the base, you stuck to the back, making sure there weren't anymore attacks from behind.

"Good job out there," You heard a voice say. It didn't take much for you to figure out who it was without looking. Rex's voice sounded so different compared to the other clones, well in your opinion.

"Thank You Captain," you replied, "Oh and I appreciate your little note this morning," you whispered.

Rex laughed, "Thought you would. Now I'm going to go back up to the front, because I'm always upfront and," Hardcase and Jesse looked back at you two and laughed, "if the boys notice me back here with you, they might start to think we have something going on, if they haven't already." He laughed even more and you punched his shoulder as he ran up to the front.

"I wouldn't mine," you whisper, watching him reunite with Anakin at the front.

"Anakin, I see the entrance to the base!" You exclaimed, rushing to the front of the troops. The entrance was just below a cliff, which you and your men were on top of. "Sooo," you hummed, "All we have to do is get down? Right?"

You look at Anakin. "Sounds good, and we made it here before Obi-Wan, so it would be nice to get it before him." Anakin responded, signaling the men over. Looking over the cliff, you noticed some droids protecting the base, but not many.

"Generals, I ran a scan of the base," Tup added to your conversation with Anakin. "There's only a few dozen droids in the base and only five in the command center of it." "Thank you Tup," Anakin answered, prepping to make his way down the cliff. "Let's go boys!" Anakin commanded, jumping off the cliff.  You were apprehensive and watched the troops all use their cables to scale the cliff.

"General!" It was a heavenly voice, it was Rex. "Are you okay, sir?" He asked, before scaling the cliff.

"Yes, I am," You lied, giving him a smile. He tossed you his second blaster.

"You're lying use this," he laughed. You sighed and used his blaster to get down the cliff, thinking to yourself how embarrassed you are. Before everyone landed from the cliff, the droids were already firing. You turned on your lightsaber before you reached the bottom and started deflecting blasts.

"Captain!" You yelled as your reached the bottom, Rex looked back at you as you tossed him his blaster. He nodded at you upon catching his blaster and started shooting droids. He was so good at fighting. You couldn't help but notice how well we fought with others too. Him and the other troopers were always watching each other's backs. Since there were only five droids outside, it didn't take long to get them all down.

"(Y/N), Rex, Kix, secure the perimeter, the rest of us are going in!" Anakin screamed while running into the base. You made a complete 360 to see if there was anything odd. Nothing. Rex and Kix were standing together and talking about something but you couldn't hear. Out of the corner of you eye, you saw something. A droid. The droid shot a single shot. You quickly ignited your lightsaber and deflected the blast, barely an inch away from Rex's chest. The droid emerged from the bushes and you sliced it before looking back at Rex to see if he was okay.

He took off his helmet. "Thank you, sir," he winked at you.

Obi-Wan and the 212th shortly came out of the wilderness. "Obi-Wan! We have captured the base. Anakin is trying to figure out why the base is here," You informed Obi-Wan.

"Nice Work, (Y/N). I will call for a rescue ship to pick us up." Obi-Wan then left to contact the Defender. Rex went over to a clone in the 212th and started talking. You approached them both.

"Captain, can you introduce me to your friend?", you ask, patting Rex on the back.

"Of course General, this is my friend Commander Cody of the 212th and Cody, this is General (Y/LN)." Cody reached his hand out to shake yours.

"It's a pleasure, General (Y/LN)," Cody began, "You're going to love fighting along side the 501st. They are almost as good as the 212th!" He laughed, Rex playfully punched his chest.

"Well Commander, I am yet to see you and your men fight." You walked off, but you could still barely hear Cody and Rex talking. You sensed them both look towards you, but you shrugged it off and didn't think much of it, until you heard your name. Then you started thinking.

(...............)

As you waited for the Defender to pick everyone up, you sat on a rock next to the now destroyed base. Rex and Cody were still talking and every now and then, Cody would look over at you. That followed a slap by Rex. Curious, you decided to focus on Rex. Emotion, Strong Emotion. That's all you could sense.

You kept thinking about Rex. If you were to date him, you'd be breaking Jedi Code, which is something you're not sure you want to do. But you only knew Rex for a little longer than a day. What if you were paired with another clone in the caves? Maybe you would have had feelings for that clone instead.

But then again, Rex, even though its been a bit more than a day, has seemed to always look out for you more than anyone else. He also made the most effort to talk to you. He even told you his deepest secret. He obviously trusted you, a lot.

The Defender finally landed and both the 212th and 501st legion boarded, along with all the generals. You looked back at Rishi, and then the rock from the cave from Rex, that you decided to keep.

With fear in your eyes, you looked up again, "Rex, Tu aras nulija," you whispered, "Itin ny mazo."