#seriously thank you to anyone who's ever sent me a kind message I cherish them all

[orange-imagines]

HI! I really love your work and I am new to tumbl and I just really wanted to tell you that you are an amazing writer 😄! I only have written a little but I always find inspiration when I am reading on your blog! Again, love your work! 😋

Aw thank you so much! It’s always super nice to hear that people like my writing that much, and I’m really glad to have been able to inspire you from time to time as well! Thanks a lot for the message, you’re so sweet <3

[gimbapchefs]

hi this will be a sappy post but bear with me...today (5/16) marks 7 years i've had this blog (lucky 7 wowow) and i just want to take this day to appreciate all of y'all who have found my blog and sent me love 💖

i started this sideblog when i was 13 because i had just started getting into kpop and didn't want to clog up my main blog with a bunch of snsd and exo posts. in 2015 i found bts and since then my blog and tumblr has become a safe spot that i can come to when i need happiness and warmth. ngl i was one of those lurkers that would see so many posts but didn't reblog or like for whatever reason so i apologize on behalf of 14-16 y/o me 😬. i never thought that i'd still have this blog 7 years later and be so active.

i didn't start posting gifs until the end of last year because i remembered i got ps with my dummy high college tuition (at least something was included for "free"😂) and it really was this post that blew up one night that made me want to keep making gifs. at that time i felt so much love seeing your reactions through your reblog tags, and i still do. i read every set of tags y'all write in your reblogs and will continue to because they bring me so much joy. i know my gifsets aren't the most amazing out there (some of you on this platform have the most pristine quality and coloring and i admire you so much 😣), but i'm still happy that i am making some of y'all's days even just a smidge bit brighter.

thank you to every single one of you whether you just leave likes or you reblog and leave me a boatload of tags to enjoy (no rly keep writing paragraphs in your tags i love it). thank you to those who leave me little messages in my ask box, my heart actually leaps when i read them 💓💗. thank you to all my amazing mutuals that i've made mainly over the last few months - i haven't gotten to talk to you all individually (my messages are open tho 👀), but you all are a reason why i keep coming to tumblr at every hour of the day 🌼❤️.

i'm so so so happy i've found a community where i can have a mental breakdown about bts and y'all will join me at any point of the day...but seriously y'all are great and i look forward to making more memories with you and more gifsets for you this year 🤗🥰.

i'll end this post by linking some of my favorite gifsets i've made (i really do still like mostly all of the gifsets i've made so this was hard why did i do this to myself...)

🌹jin just being jin /🐥jikook's lifetime long argument /🧈butter's promo 2 years early /🥺this one just melts me /🍌jin losing his bananas /🙈BABY

with much much much love and the fullest heart,

💜nat :)

ok i lied i'm not done 🤩as a bonus here's my favorite video of jimin because it has made me smile when i was in the darkest of times and also you deserve it if you made it to the bottom of this mess 😉

(under the cut is me sapping over my mutuals if you want to read that lol)

ok i was done but i lied again i want to shoutout a few-maybe-more-than-a-few of my mutuals who have meant the most to me :) (this was hard to breakdown to a short-ish list and i really do i appreciate every single one of you)

🌼@userjiminie rafa, my jikook buddy, we've only just started talking but i love our conversations, especially the ones in all caps and i also really look up to you as a creator :)

🌼@rosebowl sHARIKA omg you're like the sweetest person ever?? i love how we've become friends these past few weeks and cherish it (and i will fight off anyone who hurts u)

🌼@yoongisbengaliwife t!! you were one of the first mutuals i actually talked to and you were so kind and warm to me (and still are!!) our talks range from finding sweaty bts clips to career goals and i love that variety

🌼@taemaknae nic if angels were real i think you'd be one, you have the brightest and sweetest energy and i'm happy to call you my foodie soulmate hehehe

🌼@kithtaehyung ryennn/maybe my soulmate haha we've just started chatting but i can tell we will become friends hehe you deserve all the compliments so pls take them :3

🌼@taechnological saeee thank u for tagging me in the most thirst/heart palpitating posts i truly love screaming with you and will continue to scream with you

+ all my other mutuals that i cherish 💖🥺many of you have left asks in my inbox and it makes my heart so warm when you do so thank u for being sparks in my life 🤩💗

@jimindelune @gukreum @taegiseok @knjspjm @lovetrivia @btsaudge @jinjagi @yoongistics @duckjinnie @intokook @r-m @bibillyhillsbaby @blondesuga @bangtanger @kimtaehyunq @bisexualhobi @cherryjk @solivoire @taehyungq @floraljimin @artsyjoons @yoobijin @lilacjin @taemeout @suga-ssi @rookiehobi @hazeltae @mintvae @hobeah @candynamu @yoonglet @ggukminii @jinbestboy @pinkjjoon @blueandtaes @calicooky

OK i think this is all my mutuals??? i could very much be missing someone and i am sososososo sorry if i am pls let me know. i already said this but i'll say it again, i love every single one of you and joining this community was the best decision i ever made so thank u soso much and here i go on my 8th year with this blog :) 💜

[kiarcheo]

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now    3/?

On tumblr : Part 1 here  and Part 2 here

This chapter is more than 3000 words so if you want to read it on Ao3 click here.

The changed relationship between Catalina and Katherine remains pretty much a secret, even if not on purpose. It's just that nothing really changes for them. They are already living together (they will realise later on that nobody mentions it because they don’t know). Katherine calls Catalina mum or mamá only occasionally, and only when they are alone. She is working on the irrational fear that by showing how close they are, how much she loves Catalina, she will somehow lose her, but habits are hard to break. And while it always gives them a thrill to refer to the other as their mother/daughter, it’s something rarely needed as they don’t meet that many new people. Their now legal bond is as cherished as much as it is not talked about.

If you were to ask them why they never said anything to the other queens, they would just reply that it simply never came up. And it’s not like they don’t talk to the others. Things are much more relaxed since moving out. Distance and space definitely made for better relationships in their case. Of course, some grow closer more than others. Katherine, in particular, made an effort to stay in touch with all the others and build a relationship with every single one, but she quickly made it an unofficial rule not to talk about the other queens. Tired to spend half of their meetups providing updates about the others, she had finally sent a message to the group chat very politely saying that if they wanted to know how someone was doing they should ask the person in question and not her.

And it’s on that very group chat that Cathy requests a meeting, the first time they would get all together since they moved out of their shared house.

They are catching up when Catalina speaks up. ‘Not that this isn’t nice-’

‘Try not to sound so surprised. I’m a freaking delight to be around.’  

Catalina’s glare at Anne lacks any heat. Just because she made Katherine laugh. You are supposed to be merciful towards the court buffoon, after all. It’s not like she suddenly likes her.

‘But is there a specific reason we are all here or....?’ all remaining chatter peters out  and attention turns to Cathy.

‘Have you looked...read what they say about us? Yourself,’ she corrects herself. They have a sort of implicit agreement not to look into each other’s lives. As much as possible, at least, considering how interconnected some of their stories are.

Everyone nods, mood getting sombre.

‘From your faces I guess you don’t necessarily like what you found?’

‘It’s not about liking. Some things are just plain wrong.’ Jane’s comment gets another round of nods.

‘I agree. And that’s what I wanted to talk to you...Since we got a second chance, why don’t we make things right. Tell people what really went down. Like, I was not a glorified, old nursemaid.’

‘I was not ugly.’

‘You have always been stunning.’

Anna’s scowl turns into a soft smile towards Katherine.

‘I was not a witch. And I had a normal amount of fingers. And I definitely never did anything weird with my brother and-’

‘We get it, babe.’

Everyone – Catalina included – stops, surprised by the term of endearment. Maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder.

‘What if we could change that?’ Cathy jumps in, recovering. ‘If history remembers us wrong, we have the chance to make it right. Give our own version of the facts.’

‘I thought we were not supposed to talk about it? Like, tell people who we are?’ Jane points out. ‘We made a deal.’

‘A limited-time deal.’ It’s Anna who seems to catch on what Cathy is saying. There is still quite some time before it expires, but still...

‘Exactly. And when the gag order is done...I think it’s time we speak up.’

‘How?’

Everyone nods. They are not against it in principle, not at all, but they haven’t actually thought about the possibility before, so it’s a brand-new concept for them.

‘At first I thought about writing a book.’

‘Of course, you did.’

It might actually work, Cathy thinks looking at the queens, who all said it at the same time and are now sharing amused glances. And she’ll happily takes the teasing if that is what is needed.

‘But then I thought...how many people are actually going to read it? And what kind of people?’ Cathy continues. ‘I would like to think that nobody already interested in...history? The period? Us?...well, actually believes that Anne was a witch, for example. What we need is to change popular misconceptions and as much as it pains me to say it, I don’t think books would do the job. Then I thought...interviews. They surely would have more reach. But how would we choose? How many? Would we have control over the questions? And then Kat gave me the perfect idea. A fun, engaging one to take control of our narratives.’

‘Me?’ the youngest queen asks surprised.

‘Hamilton.’ It’s all Cathy says.

Catalina groans. ‘She got you too?’

Cathy has to guess that she has been subjected to the topic one too many times (Cathy doesn’t know that in the Trastámara house there is a limit of once a day per soundtrack...because Catalina appreciates music as any normal person does or even more, but Katherine gets obsessed. For weeks she had listened to those 46 songs – yes, she counted them – on repeat, and she had to put a stop to it. Once a day is enough, thank you very much). The other queens are nodding, so it seems that everyone has at least heard Kat talking about it.

‘You want to write a musical about ourselves?’ Anne asks, sounding intrigued.

‘I want us to write it. But yes. If we do it well, it would have a bigger audience than an interview or a book could ever reach.’

‘Except that not anyone can write a musical.’ Anna points out, sceptical.

‘I seem to remember some people having quite the musical skills.’ Cathy didn’t read up on the others, but being the last queen means that she had heard stuff about her predecessors. And while she knows to take with a pinch of salt (or a whole handful of it) what people were saying, even at the time, she doesn’t think that would be something worth lying about. What’s the point of spreading false rumours about Catherine of Aragon or Anne Boleyn being accomplished musicians and talented singers? Cathy herself had vocal and instrumental music training, just like them and Kat too.

Cathy chances a glance at the youngest queen. Hopefully the others will think that it’s knowledge from the past – which mainly is – and not related to anything Kat had shared with her. Like the fact that despite some hang-ups, she had decided to take up music again, not wanting bad memories to ruin forever something she loved. She had started with the ukulele figuring it was the most similar she could get to a lute, before moving to guitar. Then on keyboard…money and space wise a piano was just not feasible for where she lived, Kat had explained. Similar issues, along with the noise, are the ones keeping her away from drums (Catalina has been extremely supportive but putting up with her learning how to play drums might be a bit too much even for her). So she had settled on a woodwind instrument as the next one to pick up. Kat credits her past life’s experiences with flute, lute and virginal, and the wonders of internet for her ability to teach herself. She is even considering whether going for it more seriously. Well, not that she isn’t taking it seriously now, she spends long hours practicing, but more like...academically or professionally. They had various conversations about it, about her maybe joining a school or getting a degree or if she should just try to get a jig or something like that. Cathy won’t lie and say that their chats didn’t play a part in her proposing the musical idea, knowing that at least one of them had enough music knowledge and talent in this new life of theirs to pull it off, but she isn’t sure how much Kat had told the others so she doesn’t want to bring it up if Kat doesn’t.

While Catalina and Kat are looking thoughtful, and Anne interested, Jane and Anna still look unconvinced.

‘We can always ask for professional help.’ Cathy concedes. ‘But we should be the one deciding what to say. That’s the whole point. Let’s just try writing something. Ideas. What we want people to know. Type of music. Inspirations. Then we can see what we have and go from there.’

‘What are you proposing exactly?’

‘Let’s try to write a song each.’

.

They all agreed on going in order but now Catalina is deeply regretting it. Because she has to stand up in front of the others and tell them that she doesn’t have her song ready. She has been dreading the meeting. She knows she doesn’t have to be perfect all the time in this life lest something terrible happens. She knows she can’t be perfect all the time. But she still feels uncomfortable showing any kind of weakness. Especially in front of her fellow queens. And the only one whom she allowed herself to be vulnerable with is not currently there. Katherine had texted the group chat saying that she was on her way but was going to be late. Indeed, the catching up part is now over and all the attention shifts to Catalina.

‘So...’ Queens do not fidget. That has been drilled into her and any instinct to do it eradicated centuries ago, which is the only reason she is not fidgeting as everyone looks at her. ‘I have some words,’ she doesn’t dare to call them lyrics, ‘but I don’t really have anything music-wise.’

‘I do!’ Kat bursts into the room, panting. ‘Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.’

‘You do?’

Kat smiles at Catalina sheepishly. ‘I had some ideas when you showed me what you wrote and thought I’d try them out. I wanted it to be a surprise, but not like this. I was planning to let you listen to it first, but I sort of just finished it? That’s why I was late. Of course, you don’t have to like it. Or listen to it at all. You know what? Let’s forget about it. I’m sure you’ll come up with something much better yourself and you don’t need-’

‘Breathe.’ Catalina waits until she sees the girl taking a couple of deep breaths, short-winded both from running there and then her ramblings. ‘Let’s hear my song.’

‘Are you sure? Because-’

‘I trust you.’ She does. Katherine has talent, she knows it better than anyone else. She is the one witnessing the ease with which she picks up new instruments or how she can play music by ear after listening to it a handful of times. The one who has the privilege to listen to her playing and singing around the house (and now she knows why lately it had happened less, if Katherine had been working on the song for her). But most importantly she trusts her because Katherine knows her. Better than anyone else. She knows her tastes, musical ones included. And she knows her story. Her side of the story.

Katherine takes out her laptop. ‘It’s quite rough, obviously. And the key is-’

‘Just let us hear it.’

Kat nods. She looks down at the papers full of scribbles in front of her. Takes a breath. Then starts the music.

You must agree that, baby, in all the time I’ve been by your side I've never lost control, no matter how many times I knew you lied Have my golden rule Got to keep my cool, yeah, baby

And even though you've had your fun Running around with some pretty young thing And even though you've had one son With someone who don't own a wedding ring No matter what I heard, I didn't say a word No, baby

Katherine looks at Catalina to gauge her reaction at the first part of the song. She has a small smile and she is nodding to the rhythm. Encouraging.

I've put up with your sh- like every single day But now it's time to shh, and listen when I say

It’s Katherine’s spin on Catalina’s words. She isn’t sure she will want to leave the ‘swear’ in, but she just had to do it and try. She knows it’s not something people would expect from the first queen, but she had in mind the Catalina she knows rather than the one people think they know. And her Catalina is not shy about swearing as long as they are alone.

You must think that I'm crazy You wanna replace me, baby there's N-n-n-n-n-n-no way If you think for a moment I'd grant you annulment, just hold up, there's N-n-n-n-n-n-no way

She had needed something to make the tempo works, and then she had remembered Catalina calling Anne babe during the last meeting, and she decided to try it out. Also it makes for a slightly condescending tone towards Henry, calling him baby, which Katherine likes and thinks Catalina will do too.

So you read a bible verse that I'm cursed 'Cause I was your brother's wife You say it's a pity 'cause quoting Leviticus "I'll end up kiddy-less all my life" Well, daddy, weren't you there, when I gave birth to Mary?

That had been a struggle to work out, but Katherine had really wanted to include it because it was so important. The reason Henry adduced seeking the annulment was completely unfounded and people had to know it.

You're just so full of sh-, must think that I'm naive I won't back down won't shh, and no, I'll never leave

You must think that I'm crazy You wanna replace me, baby, there's N-n-n-n-n-n-no way If you thought it'd be funny, to send me to a nunnery, honey, there's No way

Catalina doesn’t seem to hate it and the others are nodding along to the beat, Katherine notices as she looks up from her notes.  There will be work to be done for sure, but maybe they have a good starting point.

‘Dance break?’ Katherine speaks up as the music continues.

‘You always loved a good dance.’ Anne points out, remembering her time at court with her, Jane nodding along.

It’s true. What they don’t know is that she had taken it up again. Encouraged by Katherine pursuing her love for music, she had decided to do the same with her passion for dancing. It’s not something she could see herself doing seriously as Katherine does with playing instruments, but she is loving attending classes and practicing on her own in the privacy of their living room, sometimes making up new routines, sometimes involving Katherine when she needs a partner.

You got me down on my knees Please tell me what you think I've done wrong Been humble, been loyal, I've tried to swallow my pride all along If you can just explain a single thing I've done to cause you pain, I'll go No? You've got nothing to say? I'm not going away

You made me a wife, so I'll be queen 'til the end of my life

Catalina had considered herself married and the legitimate queen until her last days…and Katherine with her. It’s only recently that she had considered how her life would have been different – if at all – had she joined Anne’s household like her step-grandmother had been planning. She is quite sure that at the time she would have been less than happy to be around the ‘usurper’ of what she still thought of as her queen, even months after her death.

There's no way

‘Not sure about the end. Maybe another chorus? Or...I don’t know. Like I said, it’s quite rough, I rushed it a bit, especially the last part, I can think about it more and see-’

‘This is rough?!?’

‘Well...yeah? I just took what she wrote and tried to put it in music, but it could be so much better. Like harmonies! Or, you know, add stuff, take it out...change it completely if you don’t like it.’ She is now talking to Catalina.

‘Some bits and bobs, but honestly? I loved it.’

‘Really?’

‘Do I make a habit to say things I don’t mean?’ Catalina looks at her with a raised eyebrow. She shakes her head with a smile at the mumbled sorry she gets.

‘How did you do it?’ Anne interrupts the exchange. ‘Like, the backing track?’

‘Oh. Well, I recorded each instrument separately. Then overlapped the individual tracks. Which was honestly the hardest part. Learning how to use the software.’

‘Would you mind giving me a hand?’ Anne asks her cousin. ‘Once I have the lyrics down, I mean. I’ve been messing around with a keyboard and got myself a guitar, but it was going to be a stripped-down version, like, acoustic, with whatever it worked better for the song. But if you can do the other instruments and put everything together...’

‘Of course! Just let me know what you need and when!’  

‘I might look into some practice rooms. Possibly with instruments. I’ve been dying to get my hands on some drums!’

‘Me too!’

‘Really?’ Catalina hopes her dread isn’t too obvious. She isn’t going to stop her, but she isn’t looking forward to it, if she has to be honest.

‘It’s not going to happen, don’t have the space. Or soundproofing.’ Kat reassures her.

‘We can learn together!’

‘I have been thinking...about a possible structure.’ Cathy says, encouraged by the enthusiasm of the cousins. ‘We said one song each, then I’m thinking maybe one for introduction and one as conclusion? An introductory song to explain what we’re doing? And one last song so that we don’t end with my song. Kind of a final message? About us reclaiming our stories or something?’

‘We could sing them all together!’

‘Oh!’ Kat perks up at Anna’s words. ‘We could add some chorus and stuff in Catalina’s song, like backup singers?, so that it’s not just her singing and us waiting around-’

‘Wait. Her. US? Are we supposed to sing ourselves?’ Jane stops her.

‘I thought so?’ Kat looks around. Jane does the same. It does seem like that’s what the others thought too.

‘Let’s worry about that later.’ Cathy can see that Jane is not particularly convinced about that, but she doesn’t want her to worry about it now. ‘We can get professional singers just like we can get professional writers, if needed.’

‘Another thing…not sure if it’s relevant now, because Kat sort of already did it. But I was going to say that we should make it modern?’ Anna suggests. ‘If it’s just a history lesson, it’s gonna be boring. Not saying that Catalina’s song was boring. At all. But. I don’t know. It’s something I wanted to bring up before hearing it, so...’ she shrugs.

Upon Catalina’s suggestion, they agree on not having set deadlines for when a queen is supposed to deliver her song. It had stressed her out quite a lot having to come up with something by a fixed date, especially when she couldn’t. And without a delivery deadline, Kat would have had the time to show her what she was doing, and they could have worked on it together. They are going to do it now, so it’s not that much a problem, but there is no reason they have to do things in a hurry.

 ________________________

As usual, started as something turned out so much more…included a take on how the musical was born. I always love reading fics about it…guess it was inevitable I’d take my shot at it too. I don’t know much about music and I’m aware that’s probably not how writing a musical works…but this is fiction so please bear with me.

[calumrose]

Trigger [Police/Gang!AU] Chapter 1 || C.H

A//N: I’m in two minds about holding back posting parts because I’m actually in the middle of working on chapter 9 currently, so I’m debating on waiting until I maybe get feedback to see if this is going anywhere, but at the same time I want to get it out as soon as I can so I can be satisfied that I’ve published a whole piece of work by me. 

Chapters are going to get a little bit chunky so I hope that’s okay, I got carried away at certain points as you’ll find out as time goes on. 

Hope you guys enjoy this even just a little bit.

Love you all!

btw: we meet Calum in this part so... we getting somewhere now.

Word Count: 8.1k

Summary: Eloise Gray and Calum Hood, not two people you would ever think to put together. What started as a ploy for power turned into a romance, resulting in the realisation that loving your enemy may not be such a bad thing after all.

Previous Chapters: Prologue

The loud screech of a horn invaded Eloise’s apartment, the barbaric noise ripping her from her peaceful slumber. It was her own fault for sleeping with the window open, every noise travelling into her bedroom from the streets. Her hand reached for her duvet, groaning softly as she hauled it up towards her head, wrapping herself in its warmth as she hid herself from the empty apartment that she called home.

Today of all days she had prayed for a lie in, for those few extra hours of bliss before she would have to get up and face the world. She didn’t sleep for long anyway but even just an hour or two extra would have been a treat for her, especially today. It would have been the best birthday gift anyone could have given her.

She released a single arm from the warmth of her duvet, grasping her mobile phone from her bedside table, removing the charging cable before tossing it to the floor and turning over so she faced the door of her bedroom. She unlocked her phone, being greeted with a few notifications from varied apps and a few text messages. Eloise couldn’t help but smile fondly at the happy birthday text from Scott, noting that it had been sent just moments after midnight. Obviously, he had to be the first one. She responded a quick ‘thank you’ text before opening her varied social media accounts, scrolling through the fake ‘happy birthday’ posts from people she no longer spoke to. She had contemplated deleting some of these apps but argued against it, guiltily enjoying watching drama unfold online in the comfort of her own home.

The sound of the phone ringing was too loud for Eloise first thing in the morning, sighing as she witnessed the name flash across the screen as his picture lit up with his big cheesy smile she hated to admit made her have one of the same emotion.

“What do you wan- “

“Happy birthday to my best friend! Oh, happy birthday to the one and only, Eloise Gray!” A loud voice sang through the phone, “Oh, she is twenty-one years old and is no longer underage today!”

“Are you done?” She laughed through the line.

“Not quite,” He clarified, clearing his throat before continuing with his made-up birthday song, “Miss Eloise Gray is an adult, she is legal! She can become black out with the best of them! She doesn’t need a fake ID anymore! She is fully legal to party!”

He dragged out that final note, his voice fading out to the sound of a scratched record, erupting a laugh from Eloise. He was always so over the top when it came to her birthday. No one could blame him. He always wanted to make it a day for her to cherish, a day full of fun memories that she could recall and laugh at. He put everything into making sure she had a fun birthday, throwing her a party every year with their friends, strictly confining the invitation list to those outside of the gang to allow Eloise to have a night off, a night where it was just her, Scott, and a bunch of their normal friends.

“Now I’m done,” He cleared his throat with a cough, the sound of his boots beneath him signalling that he was walking somewhere.

“Thank you,” She smiled helplessly, unable to get rid of the appreciative tone in her voice, “It’s a new one to add to the collection of birthday songs.”

“The best yet.”

“That’s debatable, Scott.”

She giggled at his fake offended gasp, smiling as she sat up in her bed, her back against the headboard as she listened into the background of his call. “Where are you? It sounds busy.” She stuck her leg out of the confinements of her duvet, feeling the cold fresh New York air constrict around her warm skin.

“On my way to get you,” He replied casually, “It’s your birthday, El, we have to celebrate like never before. And by that, I mean we need to go all out and have a full-blown party,”

“Isn’t that what we do every year?” She countered.

“Well, yes, but this time it’s going to be even better, you wanna know why?” He teased.

“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me anyway,” She smirked, hearing his frustrated groan through the line before hearing a creak of a door that echoed on the other end the phone.

“Can’t you just play along for once in your miserable life?” He sighed loudly, the sound of his feet being heard through the line getting louder, it sounded like he was walking up some stairs, the footsteps echoing as if he was in a stairwell.

“No because that’s no fun for me,” She laughed lightly, “But anyway, enlighten me on how this year is gonna be better?”

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re twenty-one, we can go out into bars and clubs now without having to worry if you’re gonna get caught out with a fake ID,” He spoke with an obvious tone, speaking to Eloise as if she was stupid, “Which means we need to go out tonight and make sure that we remember absolutely nothing by tomorrow morning, so all that we can remember is what we can piece together by the numerous photographs and embarrassing videos that we will use to torment each other for the foreseeable future.”

“Are you still mad about that video of you dancing to Beyoncé that went slightly viral?” Eloise queried with a knowing tone, unable to stop the smirk spreading across her face at the memory of her birthday two years ago.

They had thrown a house party for her birthday, their friends all piling into her apartment as they spent hours together drinking, singing karaoke, and playing a hopeless amount of drunk board and card games. It was definitely a highlight of her birthday, one that she didn’t ever forget; mainly resulting in many embarrassing videos that never failed to make them smile over the years.

“Only slightly,” He said, a door slamming behind his words as he continued to move.

“You really need to get over that, it was two years ago, and it was funny,” Eloise couldn’t hold back her laugh, “You should lighten up, Scott.”

“And you should get dressed.”

Eloise looked up at the sudden voice that spoke both through her phone but also from the body that stood in her bedroom. She hadn’t even heard her door open and close when Scott entered, finding him stood in front of her as he held the phone by his ear still. Eloise lowered the phone, hanging up the call as she kept her eyes focused on the blonde boy who stood present, “What on earth are you doing here? What happened to ringing a doorbell or even better: telling me that you’re outside?”

“Eh that’s no fun,” He shrugged, smirking as he wandered over to Eloise’s wardrobe before opening it and searching through her clothes, “Also, a quick heads up that you need to look good tonight. By ‘good’ I mean the kind where even I would look at you and go ‘holy shit I want to take her home with me’.”

“You mean you don’t think that anyway?” She teased, winking at his tall stature as he glanced over his shoulder to where she sat on her bed.

“Dear god no,” He scrunched up his face, “I can’t think of anything worse; it would be like having sex with my sister.”

Eloise couldn’t hold back the snort that left her at his remark. He wasn’t wrong. The relationship the two of them shared was very much one of a brother/sister rather than friends. They hid nothing from one another and loved each other as if they really were siblings. He was the big brother that Eloise never had.

“What would you class as ‘good’ then?” She asked, rolling her eyes as she lifted herself out of her bed, moving across the room so she was stood behind him as he searched her wardrobe.

“Wasn’t my explanation before a perfect representation of what it means?” He asked, his eyes focusing on hauling different fabrics out of the cupboard.

“Not really.” She said straight, hearing him let out a short sigh as he continued his search. “Are you seriously going through my clothes right now to pick out an outfit for me?” She rolled her eyes as she witnessed the expression on his face, the corners of her lips turned up ever so slightly at the determination in his eyes.

He didn’t say anything else in the moment as he removed a number of tops from her wardrobe and placed them down on her bed. He returned to the wardrobe to do the same with bottoms and shoes. He would have chosen her underwear as well, but he assumed that was probably going too far.

Eloise confirmed, that was definitely going too far.

“These are your options,” He said, pointing at the variety of clothes spread against her bed, “I’ve expertly sifted through your clothes and pulled out these items that will work with each other regardless of your combination which will make you look gorgeous tonight,” He smiled at her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he pulled her into a side hug, “Like I said, tonight we are going all out and you are going to have the time of your life, even if it kills me. You are going to look stunning when you walk into the bar and you will have every single man in said bar desperate to dance with you, I promise.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or concerned at the amount of effort that you’re putting into this.” She spoke wearily.

“Can you just shut up and appreciate that I’m trying to do something nice for you?” He exaggerated his sigh and glared down at her, his arm lightly squeezing her as he pressed a loving kiss to the top of her head, “You deserve it for once, El, to just enjoy your night as you and not have to worry about anything else.”

“Is it hurting you to be this nice to me?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Very.” He nodded, trying to hold a serious expression.

Eloise couldn’t hold back her laugh as she turned to fully envelope Scott in a hug, wrapping her arms around him as she smiled. As much as he joked with her about how it killed him to be nice to her, she knew that it was all he ever was towards her. He was the best.

“Now can you hurry up and pick an outfit, I’m hungry,” He grumbled, releasing her, and gently pushing her towards her bed so she could piece together an outfit for her to wear tonight.

She stopped in her tracks halfway between Scott and her bed, turning in place to face him yet again, “Wait, why am I picking so early anyway?” She turned back to him, “If we’re going out tonight, I shouldn’t need to worry about what I’m wearing until later. Also, Scott, it’s not even 10am, why are we planning this now? Why not this afternoon?”

“Because you and I both have a free day, so I’m taking advantage,” He sighed as if it was obvious, “If we do this now, then we’ve got more time for our annual birthday breakfast as well as a few extra surprises I have in store for you.” He noted the small smile that spread along Eloise’s face, unable to hold back his own at the knowledge that it was genuine.

He lived for seeing his best friend smile, knowing she never had much to smile about. It warmed him to know he could do this for her on her birthday of all days.

*****

Eloise’s head slammed against the table in embarrassment as numerous employees of the café walked out from the staff door at the far side of the pastel coloured dining room, an eruption of voices singing happy birthday as they carried over a stack on pancakes to her table and set them down in front of her. Her eyes glared at Scott as he laughed, joining in with the song as he watched Eloise’s cheeks light up a bright shade of pink.

“I am going to kill you.” She grumbled over the voices that sang to her, her eyes unable to find a focal point as she felt the stares and smiles of strangers on her back who watched as the festivity continued around her.

After what felt like forever, the elderly employee wished Eloise happy birthday with a genuine smile spread across her face as she and the other employees disbursed and went back to work. The strangers around them also went back to their own food, socialising with those who sat opposite them in their booths. Eloise could slowly feel the eyes that were previously on her begin to dissipate, the burning sensation that rose on the back of her neck simmering down gently.

“You are so lucky that I have pancakes in front of me,” She warned, “If it were anything else, I swear I would throw it across the table at you.”

“’Thank you, Scott, that was so lovely and thoughtful of you’,” He mimicked her in a high pitched voice, “Oh no worries, El, just trying to do my part to make sure your birthday is a memorable one.”

She couldn’t help the goofy smile that graced her face as she looked at him. He was really trying to make this a day to remember. She appreciated the thought - although not the embarrassment - but the kindness behind the gesture that took place was one that made her smile with genuine thanks.

“You’re such an idiot,” She laughed as she cut into her food, shaking her head, “You would kill me if I did this for your birthday.”

“Exactly, which is why I can do it for you,” He shrugged, “But also the fact that I like my birthday is the reason why I would kill you for pulling a stunt like this, you on the other hand, despise the day so I pull out as many stops as I like to make it a day you can enjoy. And it looks like I am succeeding yet again for another year.”

It was sickening how lovely and thoughtful Scott could be when he tried. It was a polar opposite side to him compared to when he was tied up in the gang. The same could be said for Eloise, both of them acting almost completely different when in that situation.

The mood of breakfast subtly shifted while they ate; the change being noticed by Scott rather quickly as he watched while Eloise picked at her food. “What’s on your mind?” He asked, lifting a piece of toast to his mouth as he took a bite.

“It’s nothing,” She shook her head, smiling up at him, “Just thinking about how I’m going to finish these pancakes.”

“And what else?” He raised an eyebrow, watching as her breath hitched in her throat ever so slightly.

Usually when something bugged her and she brushed him off, he let it slide. He wouldn’t pester her, knowing that if it got bad then she would usually talk to him. But he knew she was vulnerable especially right now, her birthdays typically rolling with the same routine where she had a low moment or two before they were replaced with fun and adrenaline later on in the night.

“Honestly, it’s nothing.”

“El, please- “

“I said it was nothing so drop it!” She warned, glaring at him from across the table. She sighed deeply as she dropped her fork and placed her head in her hands, knowing she was just letting things get on top of her as she usually did on this day each year. She knew she would move past it and be fine in a few hours, but she couldn’t help but dwell on the maybes that circled her mind.

“You know you can always vis- “

“I’m not doing that,” She shook her head, not even looking at Scott as she cut him off, “There’s no way in hell I’m going there, especially today.”

“As much as it hurts, you’re going to have to do it one day,” Scott sighed as he leaned back in his chair, “Whether you want to or not, El, because you need to.”

“Go to hell.” She muttered, pushing her plate away from her, her stomach suddenly becoming sick at the thought of the pancakes that sat in front of her.

“Unfortunately for you I don’t think they’re quite ready for me yet,” Scott joked, “Maybe tomorrow if you’re lucky.”

He could sense the roll of her eyes from beneath her hands, a soft sigh building in his chest as he watched his best friend dwell on the memories that followed her with every step that she took in life. He did ask himself if one day she would get the closure she didn’t know she needed, if one day she would find the happiness she craved; not the happiness that she felt when she was having a good time with friends but instead a happiness where she could wake up in the morning and look at her life and love every moment she breathed. He wanted that for her more than most.

*****

She couldn’t stop staring at the clothes that were laid out for her on the bed, her eyes scanning over the different materials as she pieced them together in her mind. Was she crazy for being so bold? Well, most people wouldn’t call her outfit of choice for the nigh bold but for Eloise, this was definitely a step out of her comfort zone.

“You better be getting ready!” A voice called through the closed door of her room.

“Yeah.” She responded, fake conviction in her tone as she kept her eyes plastered on the mesh long-sleeved top that was staring back at her, as if playing an intimidation game.

Maybe she would feel better if she just got dressed, yeah maybe that would fix her nerves. Nerves? Is that what they were? She never feared a night out before so why was tonight any different?

Her fingers trailed over the blue denim skirt on her bed, sighing as she remembered the day that she had bought it. Well, the day it had been bought for her. She couldn’t fight the underlying twitch in her heart as she remembered the woman who bought her this skirt, remembering her almost as well as her own mother. Scott’s parents always looked out for her, and always bought her nice things for her birthday every year when she stayed with them, celebrating the day with great joy and treasuring the sentimental value that they carried with all celebrations. The denim skirt was the last thing Scott’s mother had bought for her before she left, it being found in a thrift store on one of her monthly escapades, seeing it and instantly thinking of Eloise. It was simple yet intricate, much the opposite of the girl who wore it.

Eloise, get over yourself and just get dressed for crying out loud! She scolded herself as she sighed, rubbing her face with her hands before she began to get dressed, silently trying to convince herself that she would feel better in a few hours.

Scott had pieced together their entire night, the birthday celebrations estimating to last until the early hours of the next morning as per usual on their nights out. Eloise couldn’t deny she was just a little bit excited about tonight, the buzz gently floating around in her stomach at the thought of spending time with her friends, allowing herself to feel like a normal girl living in the Big Apple.

She couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting to herself in the mirror as she stood in her bedroom, the minimal décor suddenly making her feel as if she was out of place, as if to feel unwelcome as the colours of her outfit contrasted against the neutral theme of her room. Her eyes followed the outline of her outfit, biting the inside of her cheek as she looked at where the skirt ended midthigh, the waistline of the denim material blending into the black mesh top she wore where her offending dark green lace bralette could be seen through the thin material.

Her choice of outfit was bold tonight when it came to her usual taste in clothes. She knew teasing comments would be made tonight by her friends, awaiting the joking remarks they would make in response to her somewhat bold choices. She would blame Scott for the decision, like she always did.

The sound of her bedroom door opening tore her eyes from the mirror, meeting her tall friend as he stood in the doorway and watched as the dark-haired beauty in front of him nit-picked at herself.

“Not too shabby,” He smirked, admiring his best friend as she stood in front of him, “Is that some colour I see?”

“Shut up,” She rolled her eyes, moving to walk past him and nudging past his shoulder as she walked out into her hallway, making her way into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. He always made her feel good, made her feel confident, and she appreciated it when she didn’t have the energy to do it herself. She didn’t usually doubt how she looked, it typically being one of the last things on her mind as she travelled around in her staple black jeans, white t-shirt, and rugged leather jacket with her classic combat boots. “Drink?” She called out to Scott.

She reached onto the kitchen island, grasping hold of the first bottle neck that caught her attention, her eyes scanned the label. Yeah, that would do. She poured some of the copper liquid into one of the plastic cups she kept stored for nights like these, reaching over and grabbing the nearest soda she could find, pouring it into the cup, and creating the alcoholic concoction that she prayed would give her the buzz she so desperately desired. She then followed the same recipe for the mixture as she poured it into another cup and handed it to Scott, placing it in his hands before knocking her cup against his in a ‘cheers’ notion, lifting the cup to her lips as she took a large gulp of the bitter drink.

She scrunched her face up at the sharp taste, shaking her head once as if to adjust to the aftershock and slight burn that settled in the back of her throat.

“Are you not going to let me do a birthday toast to kick your birthday off in style?” Scott asked, his eyes furrowed slightly as he watched Eloise take another drink.

“Considering how bad your rendition of happy birthday was this morning,” She smirked, “I think I’ll pass. I would prefer if we focused on getting as tipsy as possible before the others arrive so we can head out and paint the town.”

“For once in your life, you’ve actually had a good idea.”

“Dickhead.” She mumbled under her breath, clinking her plastic cup with Scott’s as they continued to drink, preparing for the night ahead.

*****

Her body vibrated with the beat of the music as it erupted throughout Moxi’s. She could barely hear herself think as she moved to the music with her friends, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face, her cheeks aching pleasantly at the people around her.

Unable to fight the buzz that took over her mind and body as she moved around the floor, grasping the hand of her friend, Paige, as she helplessly – and terribly – danced around the glowing floor. Eloise had lost count of how long she had been dancing more, never mind how long she had been at the club for. She witnessed the bodies around her, depicting each one as her friends as they surrounded her, each one in their own world as they danced around, smiles across their faces while they lived in the moment.

It was times like this she lived for, the moments where she was surrounded by the people who she loved more than life itself.

“Have you noticed that guy at the bar?” The voice she deciphered belonging to her friend, Mia, spoke loudly to her. Eloise’s eyes drifted over to the bar to her right, the neon lights along the top of the bar and scattered along the back wall in different phrases and patterns catching her attention initially before she admired the crowd that spread along that side of the club. Her eyes searched as people were dispersed along the bar, many of them shouting out with a glimmer of hope to catch the attention of one of the few bar staff that were littered along the bar before they stopped on him. Eloise let her eyes settle on him for a moment, feeling Mia’s body stood beside her but the heat that radiated from the excited brunette beside her was the last thing on her mind. “He’s been watching you since you got up to dance.”

“Has he?” Eloise felt her lips turn up at the thought of being watched by an attractive stranger, “What if he was just- “

“El, he was staring at you. By staring, I mean the ‘I want to take her home and fuck her senseless’ kind of stare,” She blurted, “In the least creepy way possible if you can even do that.”

Eloise just let a simple hum slip pass her lips as her eyes met the stranger’s, unable to decipher much about him due to the distance between them, but the one thing she could work out was that he was hot.

The heat of a hand on her wrist tore her eyes from the stranger at the bar, the brown of her irises turning around to be met with the olive green ones of Roman, another one of her friends who had come out to celebrate her birthday. She couldn’t help the smile that stayed on her face as he dragged her further into the dance floor, bodies surrounding them as they danced. Although her smile never faltered, Eloise couldn’t help but feel the small seed of disappointment that settled in her stomach due to her short lived, silent interaction with the handsome stranger.

“Where’s Scott?” She leaned into Roman’s ear to talk, realising that she hadn’t seen the blond for a while, the music around them seeming to increase in volume the further into the dance floor they travelled.

“Last I saw him, he was kissing some girl outside the bathroom,” He responded loudly as he held one of Eloise’s hands, spinning her in place.

“That’s my Scotty!” She erupted into laughter, clapping her hands briefly together before they were grabbed again by the summer-eyed boy in front of her as the dance moves got more exaggerated and more chaotic.

Eloise knew she was going to be in pain by the morning, her feet already slightly burning at the heels she had been forced to wear out tonight by Paige but especially because the movements her body was eliciting were not ones her body was made for. God, she was going to regret this, but in the best way possible.

The night continued on as the music did, shifting from numerous electronica tracks to the few well-known classics that caused the club to erupt into cheers as people sang along drunkenly to the words that they swore they knew. Eloise couldn’t deny that her mind wandered on more than one occasion throughout the night, the handsome stranger filling her drunk brain as she sat at a table with her group of friends.

The smile on her face was a drunk one, but one of fun. She was having a blast, something that she always knew she had when the celebrations got truly under way every year. Scott had outdone himself yet again in making this a birthday she enjoyed. Her mind was distracted from the puzzles and memories that usually haunted her, instead filling it with a fairy-like haze as the alcohol settled in her system, her body radiating a gentle heat as she sat surrounded by the people who mattered. Even if one of them was an estranged young lady with bleached red hair.

“So, Scotty, who’s your friend?” Jackson smirked, head nodding towards the red head who made herself present on their friend’s lap. It couldn’t be faulted that she was pretty but definitely too drunk to know who’s lap she was perched on.

“This is Lydia,” Scott spoke, his voice deep as his eyes scanned down her body before slowly meeting her eyes once again, a filthy smirk creasing his lips as his eyes practically undressed her in the public building.

“Pig.” Eloise coughed, keeping her voice quiet as she teasingly smirked at her friend across the table.

What happened to tonight being the night where Eloise would find someone to take home? But as per usual, Scott beat her to it.

Or did he?

“Move.” She muttered suddenly, her knee nudging Jackson’s jean covered leg as she tried to make her way out of the booth, her hand shoving his shoulder to hurry him along.

“How charming,” He rolled his eyes, “What happened to saying please?”

“Just move. I gotta pee.” She groaned, shoving him a bit harder this time.

Small outbursts of chuckles and smiles were exchanged around the table as Eloise made her way out of the booth, gathering her balance as she walked through the club, her eyes finding the toilet door just to the right at the far side of the bar. Her heeled feet carried her steadily through the crowds, walking along the makeshift path made by the gap between the people stood along the bar and those on the higher tables above the dance floor.

Eloise couldn’t stop herself as she allowed her eyes to travel subtly along the bar, keeping an eye out for a certain individual, wondering if he was still around for her to catch a knowing glance. Realisation struck her as she reached the bathroom door, her mind stopping the disappointment in its tracks before it had the chance to settle. She didn’t need to feel that right now. So what? A handsome stranger caught her attention then vanished? It wouldn’t be the first time.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror when she exited the stall, noting the way her hair fell down her shoulders, the way her pupils were enlarged slightly due to the buzz of the alcohol she had consumed throughout the night, the way her makeup was slightly smudged due to the sweaty atmosphere of the bar. She didn’t care enough to fix it, in a way admiring how it still looked presentable. Although she wasn’t sure if that was genuine or if her vision was just playing tricks on her.

Eloise couldn’t help but smile as the thin arms of Paige appeared around her torso as she was squeezed into an awkward hug from behind. “How’re you doing?” Paige smiled, her bleached blonde hair curling perfectly around her thin face.

“Why does everyone ask me that?” Eloise sighed, the smile disappearing as she looked at the reflections of the mirror. Paige noted the way Eloise’s body tensed, her shoulders squaring and her breath catching as she met her chocolate eyes in the mirror, her arms remaining comfortably around her friend as she rested her cheek against Eloise’s back.

“Because we know that you’re hiding something,” She spoke quietly, “El, we know things are bad, but you’ve got us, you need to talk to us about stuff.”

“I’d prefer not to,” She spat, “No offence but you guys don’t know anything so stop pestering and just let me enjoy my night.”

“And how do you expect to do that when you can’t get out of your own head?”

“You’ll see.” She told her, standing up straight before looking towards the door of the bathroom.

She was going to find that stranger and show her friends exactly how she wasn’t in her own head. She was going to make tonight her night.

Paige slowly released Eloise from her grip, turning the girl in her arms and looking into her oak-coloured eyes, smiling sweetly at her before she nodded towards the door, “Let’s make this a night to remember then,” She cared for Eloise as much as they all did, she saw her as a little sister like they all did; each of them feeling this urge to protect her and look out for her even though they knew she was more than capable of doing it on her own. They just couldn’t fight their primal urges.

Eloise’s feet could barely keep up as Paige dragged her back out into the loud atmosphere, the lights flashing around her as she led her back out onto the dance floor, her hands linking with the blonde’s as they began to dance; hips swinging and heels clicking as they moved to the beat of the music. The upbeat thumping of the current electronic track began to fade out, the smooth scratch of a familiar track beginning to take its place as it blasted throughout the club speakers. Laughter was held back by Eloise at her friend’s ecstatic expression, eyes the size of her head, her hands gripping those of the tall brunette as she pulled her further into the middle of the dance floor, her hips turning sultrier by the second as her movements slowed down to match the beat of the music.

To hell with it, Eloise thought. She grinned widely as she joined in, her hips matching Paige’s rhythm as she stood opposite her, both of them fully losing themselves in the song that surrounded them, their eyes focused on each other when they weren’t closed as they embraced the alcoholic buzz. She couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the feeling of multiple pairs of eyes on her. She could feel them burning through the fabric of her thin top as well as her skirt as the fabric rode up ever so slightly on her thighs.

Her lips parted slightly as she softly sang the words along with the music, swaying her hips to the rhythm. They were soon joined by Roman who found them on the dance floor, his hands finding Paige’s waist as he swayed with her from behind.

Eloise couldn’t deny the subtle feeling of dread when Roman showed up, enjoying it before when it was just her and Paige dancing. When he came into the picture, it just felt as if she was a third wheel to their relationship, a spare part in the project. She didn’t want to feel as though she was perceived as selfish for feeling that way, but she couldn’t help it.

“I’m gonna go and get another drink,” She called to Paige, brushing her hand with her own before slipping away from the crowd and heading over to the bar. Her aching feet carried her through the club, each heavy bassline of the song playing rattled through the place which Eloise felt with every step she took. Maybe another drink would help, she thought.

She found a perfectly timed space at the bar, slotting herself between the underage drinker to her left and the toy-boy to her right as she leaned against the bar, looking out to see where the nearest member of staff was stood along the bar. Her blunt nails tapped rapidly against the skin of her cheek while her head in her hand, her eyes absently reading the neon signs that were scattered around as she waited to give her request. This was the one downside about separating from your group on a night out; having to actually go and wait at the bar to order your own drink. Typically, their group would order in bulks so one person would buy for everyone to save multiple trips every time that someone wanted a drink.

Before she knew it, a bright yet tired smile greeted her from behind the bar, a young man with shaggy auburn hair stood at the till and asked her for her order. It took a moment to register that it was her chance, her throat catching for a second before clearing and allowing her to speak.

“Just a vodka and lemonade please.” She smiled sweetly, trying to somehow ease the tension in her ankles from her heels and she shifted her weight between both feet.

“Single or double?” He asked, pressing a couple of buttons on the black machine before his eyes met her own once again, “Or is that a stupid question?”

“Surprise me.” She winked, letting out a small laugh as she reached into her bag and pulled out her card.

Thankfully, the barman didn’t long to make her concoction, allowing her to get back to her friends as soon as possible, being reunited with the familiar faces she was spending the night with. She made her back to the booth where her friends sat, perching herself on the edge of one of the seats as she sipped her sweet drink. She caught the end of a conversation – more like an argument – between Jackson and Mia, the situation seeming to be get heated between them as Mia looked to be close to tears.

“What the fuck is going here?” Eloise cried out, spotting her friend with glassy eyes leaning forward as she pointed an accusing finger towards the broad man sat on the opposite side of the booth. Her eyes shot between the two young adults, confusion clouding her brain as she tried to figure out what happened, the drunk state she was currently in not helping the situation much.

She made a silent note of Scott’s absence, already knowing that Paige and Roman were dancing, her eyes glancing around for the blond friend who she knew would be with the red head she met previously. No sign of them… Great.

She tried to concentrate as her two friends continued to argue over the table of the booth, hopeless slurs being thrown at each other as they yelled. Eloise really didn’t understand what was going on, nor did she care in all honesty, but she still had to be the good friend who would break up the argument and restore peace to the friendship. She really didn’t want to have to share a taxi back with them if they were still arguing.

“How did this even start?” She groaned, throwing her head back dramatically as she rolled her eyes, looking back up at her friends before she waited for the rushed explanations to begin. As much as she loved Mia dearly, she knew she was one for starting arguments when she drunk, it was what she was known for. There wasn’t a night that involved alcohol where there wasn’t a fight that had to be defused due to her.

Long story short, Jackson made a comment about a girl’s dress and Mia took it upon herself to assume he was being rude, and accusing said girl of having ill intentions of her night out. Which, of course, is ridiculous and Mia would have known had she not been numerous double mixers into her night.

Eloise couldn’t hold back her frustrated sigh as she glared at Mia who could barely sit up right in the booth. She needed to be taken home. For a gang banger who put up with a more brutal situations in her daily life, it was a drunken friend that drove her to her limit. “Take her home, Jack,” She sighed, keeping her eyes firmly planted on the brunette who swayed in place, “She’s had too much to drink and the last thing we need is her being kicked out of here alone.”

Eloise assisted her friends in her own drunken state, the alcohol leaving her with a gentle buzz as she sipped her drinks throughout the night, lifting Mia up from her seat and helping her walk towards the door of the club, patting Jackson’s shoulder as he led their friend outside and into a taxi.

Two down, three to go…

She took a deep breath as she made her way back over to her table, silently begging that nobody had claimed it as their own while she walked her friends out, hoping that even in a drunk state, people would see jackets and bags and realise that people were sitting there. Who was she kidding, that never happened. Which is why she wasn’t surprised when she found someone sitting at her table when she returned, her heels clicking against the floor as she made her way over, ready to make the intruder aware that the table was already taken.

Well, she was about to until he looked up, his face causing her breath to hitch in her throat. She felt her mouth suddenly dry up as her eyes froze on his calm expression as he looked at up her, sensing her presence without her speaking a word. She couldn’t ignore the beauty that his face held, the tanned skin that she could make out beneath the flashing lights of the club, the deep dark eyes that met her own as they stayed in silence.

It was him. The handsome stranger.

“You’ve got some moves by the way,” His voice spoke out, his eyes remaining connected with hers, his tongue running along the inside of his bottom lip. He noted her shallow breath that she attempted to take without being noticed, unable to hide the shaking in her throat as she exhaled. “Something that I’m sure gets a lot of attention.”

“Your point is?” She spoke up, her voice surprisingly strong although her breathing was not.

She couldn’t help the lump that formed in her throat when she saw his smile, a teasing strip show was less erotic than that goddamn smile. She felt the effects of that charming smile knock her for six.

“Just saying there must a lucky guy who gets to see that later in all its glory,” He smirked, his posture straightening as he reached for her glass of vodka lemonade, lifting it to his lips and taking a small sip.

Eloise could only dream of being that glass in that moment. What was happening to her? What happened to the tough exterior she usually put on; the one that typically made boys fall at her knees? This time she was the one who was crumbling at the feet of a man she didn’t even know.

“And what if there isn’t?” She straightened her back, attempting to regain her confidence, erasing the previous rush of butterflies as she resumed back to her placid stance, allowing for her feet to carry her the rest of the way to the table, comfortably leaning against the edge as she stood just metres away from the man who easily claimed her attention. Who would have thought a stranger would have so much control in such little time?

Eloise was sure it happened all of the time, unable to deny how handsome he was, how pretty he was. He must have had numerous women falling at his feet for a chance with him, and Eloise was no different than the rest of them. But she didn’t want him to know that.

“Then that would be shame,” He teased, moving along the booth so he sat right at the edge, his eyes never breaking contact with hers, “A true utter shame.”

She noted how his voice slowed down, his annunciation of each word made clear through his mixed accent. It sounded American but there was a twang in there, she couldn’t pinpoint from where exactly. “And why is it such a shame? It’s not as if it affects you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, doll,” He stood to his feet, the muscles beneath his leather jacket bulging as he leaned an arm against the table and turned to face her, “It wouldn’t be very gentlemen like of me to allow a young lady like yourself to travel home alone in your state.”

She couldn’t help the smirk itching her face, rethinking the amount of drinks she had consumed over the course of the night, the buzz still filling her with a warmth as her brain gently felt like a slow-motion volleyball being tossed back and forth inside her head. She had to admit to herself that for such a gorgeous man he had poor game. Although she couldn’t deny the nickname elicited an excitement inside her she didn’t know existed, causing something inside of her desperate to hear it once more. With the distance between them closed further, she noticed his beauty only grew as did his height. He was more beautiful than she already thought, or maybe it was just the alcohol taking over again. She noticed how plump and soft his lips looked, how his cheeks were full and supple, while his eyes were dark like hers but seemed to hold a vortex beneath them; a vortex which she wanted to explore.

“I think I’ll manage just fine on my own,” She leaned against the table, her hand resting on her hip as she admired his sculpted face.

“Doll,” He spoke, his voice merely above a whisper yet she could hear it perfectly clear, “Why can’t you just take a hint that I’m interested? And I can tell that you are too.”

“I think you’re overestimating your game,” She teased, although the effect the name had on her wasn’t hidden, “You’re pretty but your game is shit.”

“Oh, but I can assure you, my mouth can do more than just talk a shit game,” He licked the corner of his bottom lip, the edge of his tongue poking out as he watched her eyes flicker.

She hated that she was so turned on by the sound of that. Eloise could always fake emotions pretty well but in this situation, the attempt at hiding how she felt was futile. God, what was she doing? Was she actually considering disappearing with this man and getting up to goodness knows what? Yes, she was.

Before Eloise could begin to comprehend what was happening, she was in the back of a cab, her lips attached to his as his large hands roamed along her thighs, hips, and torso as she straddled him. The apology for the taxi driver being the last thing on her mind, her subconscious aware that they were probably used to these sights in the unsociable hours after a Saturday night.

She couldn’t help but make a mental note of how soft his lips were against her own, how large his hands were as they slid down her body and cupped her behind, the grip against her skin through her denim skirt sent heat to multiple areas of her body, his touch erupting a fire within her.

She panted for breath as he detached his lips from hers, his plump ones creating a path as they trailed along her jaw and down her neck, his teeth coming into the mix as he gently nipped at her soft skin, working his way to leave a mark; a brand that marked her as his for the short amount of time that they would spend together.

“I didn’t…” She panted; her voice weak as her eyes closed at the sensation his mouth evoked within her. She tilted her head to the right, allowing him greater access to paint her skin with various shades of blue and purple as her hands found his hair, “I didn’t even catch your name.”

She felt the vibration of his hum travel through her, the noise was deep yet symphonic much like the tone of his voice as he spoke, “The name’s Calum, sweetheart, but you can call me whatever you want.”

His voice sounded exasperated, as if it was lost and he was searching for the air to breath, his lips reattaching to her neck as they travelled back up her body, reattaching with her own pink ones as he placed a long, sucking kiss to them that he never wanted to end. “And what should I call you?”

“Eloise,” She whispered, her lips lightly brushing his as she spoke, her voice so quiet it could barely be heard, “But you can call me El.”

And by god he did. Repeatedly.

---

Tag List: @steviemae​

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Yoongi Scenario| Crossing paths without meeting, all of it destiny

Summary: On a lonely night you decide to text a random number on a whim in hopes of making a new friend. You fully weren’t expecting anyone to respond, so imagine your surprise when you received a response back and soon realized maybe fate was on your side for once.

This is fluff fluff and more fluff. <3 

You sigh heavily as you stare at your wall. You’re tightly clutching your pillow and hugging it to your chest as you lay in bed as you have been all day. You feel a weight on your chest, a sadness and pretty soon a few tears start to stream down your face and onto your pillow. You hastily wipe them away willing for the tears to stop. For the entire day the only emotions you have been feeling are loneliness and sadness. You are craving a connection with somebody, anybody. It is that very thought that wills you to take out your phone, and text a random number in search of a friend when you need one the most. 

You: I’m depressed and lonely plz respond.  

It’s a random message, you try to lighten your own mood with humor in hopes that maybe someone will give you a funny answer back. You don’t know why you picked this random number, it just seemed to pop into your head. You save the contact name as random stranger. You give it 5 minutes before you give up and throw your phone on the bed sighing heavily. 

“I knew this was a stupid idea.” You say to yourself. You shut your eyes tightly in hopes that you'll fall asleep. You are just about to drift off when your phone chimes with a new message.

Random Stranger: Who the hell is this? Are you aware that it is 3:00 in the fucking morning. I swear to god if this is Taehyung playing some stupid joke I will end you.

Out of all the people you could have messaged, it had to be this one. Your stranger seemed awfully grumpy in his message. But then again you'd be mad too if you were woken up at 3am. You hadn't realized the time when you sent out that message and immediately felt bad.

You: What’s a Taehyung? 

Grumpy Stranger: Cut it out you asshole I’m trying to sleep. I know where you live and I will cut you.

You: Oh I highly doubt you know where I live since I just texted a random number. Looks like you were the lucky winner.

Grumpy Stranger: ...

Wait you’re serious? So you actually just texted a random number that you were lonely? 

You: Yeah pretty much.. Pretty pathetic huh? I don’t have any friends who actually want to talk to me so I went seeking a random stranger to talk to. Sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep and just forget this ever happened.

Grumpy Stranger: No, wait.

I’m sorry.

I shouldn’t have snapped at you I just genuinely thought you were my friend trying to mess with me. Uh, I’m not exactly sociable but.. if it helps you feel better I’ll stick around.

You: No really it’s fine. I’ll be okay just had a moment of weakness. 

Goodnight

Slightly less grumpy stranger: I’m not tired anymore you might as well just stay awake and talk to me. It’s the least you can do for waking me from my peaceful slumber.

You: ... Okay. 

Slightly less grumpy stranger: Okay then. How about if you start of by telling me your name?

You: It’s y/n.

Slightly less grumpy stranger: Where are you from?

You: Okay I know I said I was lonely but I’m not trying to get murdered.

You could be some mass murderer for all I know I am not telling you where I live.

Slightly less grumpy stranger: Fair enough. 

My name is Yoongi by the way.

You: Aw and I was happy with my contact name I had for you now I have to change it.

Yoongi: What did you have it as?

You: Well

I changed it throughout the course of this conversation. 

First you were random stranger, then you were grumpy stranger, then you graduated to slightly less grumpy stranger. But now you’re just Yoongi. Boring.

Yoongi: Maybe you can think of something more clever the more we get to know each other. 

I had some contact names for you too.

You giggle at that, wondering what he could possibly have set your contact name as.

Yoongi: First you were ‘little shit Taehyung’

You read that and immediately burst into laughter. 

Yoongi: Then you were weirdo, then lonely weirdo. And now you're just weirdo y/n.

You: Alright well fine then I am saving you as grumpy yoongi in my phone then if you're going to insult me and call me weirdo. You brought this upon yourself.

Grumpy Yoongi: I’m not that grumpy you brat.

You: Don’t call me brat I could be older than you. Or wait maybe you're an old man. Oof what did I get myself into.

Grumpy Old man: I’m not an old man! I’m in my 20′s. Not gonna tell you my exact age since you could also be some crazy murderer. 😜

You:  Did you really just use an emoji with me Yoongi? Look at how our friendship is progressing! Also I’m not a crazy murder. Promise.

Grumpy Yoongi: That’s probably exactly what you say before you lure in your victims. 

You laugh again and instantly find that you are comfortable with this Yoongi. You guys didn’t get off on the best foot at the start, but having seen this new side of him you are actually growing quite fond of this stranger. 

Grumpy Yoongi: You laughed didn’t you?

You: Yeah I did. 

You’ve actually made me laugh on quite a few occasions. You're funny.

Grumpy Yoongi: I’m going to have to screen shot that and show my friends. They think I’m some boring old man but now I can show them some kind stranger called me funny. HA take that Taehyung.

You: This Taehyung sounds like quite a character.

Grumpy Yoongi: He is. He’s hilarious. Even though he’s a pain in my ass I actually am quite fond of him and couldn’t ask for a better friend. 

You: I’m glad you have people like that in your life, Yoongi. You should cherish him dearly. 

Grumpy Yoongi: You okay? I mean I know we don’t hardly know each other but.. You said you were depressed I just want to make sure you don't need me to call anyone for you..

You: Oh, no I am alright. Even if I wasn't though there’s no one to call. 

You sigh heavily and start to feel that familiar sadness creeping up again. However no sooner than the feeling came did it disappear. 

Grumpy Yoongi: Well you have me now. 

You: Waht thjhe fukc 

is taht you?!

Yoongi: Yes? 

You: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOOK SO GOOD AT 3AM I LOOK LIKE FREAKING GOLLUM.

THE WORLD IS NOT FAIR. 

WHO DID YOU SACRIFICE TO BE BLESSED WITH A FACE LIKE THAT?

Handsome Yoongi: What’s a Gollum?

You: Who is... Who is Gollum?!

What the hell have you never seen The Lord of the Rings? Or The Hobbit??

Handsome Yoongi: No?

You: I take it back.

We can’t be friends. 

By the way this is Gollum I hope it fuels your nightmares.

Handsome Yoongi: What the fuck?!

That thing is terrifying as shit what the hell kind of movies are you watching ffs.

Get that thing off my screen.

You: skljdf;wje

]slkjf;ewijrjwbr;jqr

kjsenr;wehr;iq

weoirj;wijrq

Is it gone now?

Handsome Yoongi: lol yes thank you.

You’re cute. I’m sure if your looks match your personality you’re adorable. 

There is no way you look like that creepy.. whatever the hell that is.

You: Shit now I’m blushing

You smooth talker look at you go trying to win my heart over and stuff.

Handsome Yoongi: Is it working? 

You: ... Maybe a little. 

Handsome Yoongi: Good :) 

Are you feeling better?

You: After seeing that beautiful face of yours I feel like I can conquer the whole world.

Handsome Yoongi: Lol and you said I was a sweet talker? Listen to you.

Seriously though are you feeling less lonely now?

You: If I say yes are you going to leave?

Handsome Yoongi: Of course not. 

You’ve seen my bare faced selfie at 3am you know too much 

so guess you’re stuck with me.

Sorry those are the rules. 

You: I ain’t even mad about it.

But I to answer your question yes, I am feeling much better. When I messaged you this was not what I was expecting to be honest..

Handsome Yoongi: What were you expecting?

You: To be ignored.. like always.

You see the 3 dots appear on your phone as Yoongi seems to be typing a lot. You wait a few minutes before his message finally comes through.

Handsome Yoongi: Listen, I don’t know what kind of assholes you had in your life but they didn’t value you at all. In just the short conversation we’ve had I can already tell anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives. You’re funny, you’re caring and kind, and witty. Honestly you’re one of the most down to earth people I have talked to. If people can't realize that then fuck them. They don’t deserve you.

You reread the message at least 3 more times, letting his words really sink in before you text him back. You’re in the middle of typing when he sends you another message.

Kind Yoongi: You alright?

Did I say too much? 

Shoot I probably came on too strong and scared you away.

Or maybe you’re just asleep.

In that case I should stop texting you or you might wake up shit I’m sorry I’ll shut up now.

You: I’m here. Just typing back something long give me a sec.

Kind Yoongi: Okay.

You: Yoongi you have no idea how much that means to me. To hear you say that, it’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. I think fate was kind to me today in making sure you were the one I texted. I can’t even begin to describe how happy you’ve made me in just the short amount of time we’ve been talking. You’ve made me laugh so much that my cheeks hurt from smiling and I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.

Kind Yoongi: Just keep talking to me and that’s all I need from you. 

Honestly I’ve been in kind of a rut lately too.

But talking to you really helped me feel better. 

Even though our paths may never cross, I just want you to know this is enough for me. You’re enough. 

You: I swear to god if you make me cry one more time Yoongi..

Kind Yoongi: D: Sorry! 

Anyway it’s late! 

Get some sleep okay? I’ll be here in the morning just text me when you wake up.

You: Promise?

Yoongi:

Promise.

You: Whut lol did you change your shirt or something just to send me a selfie?

Kind Yoongi: I was in a robe before. I just finally got my ass out of bed to change into my pajamas. 

You: #mood

Kind Yoongi: Alright no more texting get some rest! 

You: I will.

Um. Yoongi?

Kind Yoongi: Yeah, beautiful?

You: Thank you.. 

Kind Yoongi: You don’t need to thank me. Sweet dreams, angel <3 I’ll talk to you in the morning. 

[jenomark]

Backstage

○Pairing: Idol! Doyoung x Reader (Female) ○Other Members/ Characters: Mark ○Genre: smut ○Warnings:  vaginal penetration (m w/f), oral (f), public sex ○Word count: 2,455

→Summary: On his big concert day, you decide to give your boyfriend, Doyoung, a quick gift.

→Notes: ✨Anon Requested✨Could you please do backstage sex with doyoung?

______________________________________________________________

  Dating an idol was never part of the plan. Hell, it didn’t even enter in your realm of possibility. You were a low-key kind of girl, someone who tried her hardest to blend in. You didn’t like a lot of attention, you kept to yourself as much as possible, and you certainly never thought in your wildest dreams you would fall madly in love with someone like him.

  There wasn’t much to your relationship with Doyoung. You met through friends on a night out. He was quiet throughout the dinner, chewing thoughtfully while listening to the conversations going on around him, his eyes wandering around the restaurant. Something about him intrigued you, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. You knew who he was because your mutual friends had filled you in, but meeting him had exceeded your expectations. You had met plenty of idols in your time, each one ending as the other began, but Doyoung, he was different. The boy stood out. The girl fell in love.

   The more you got to know him, the more the boy in the restaurant faded away. The real Doyoung had opinions. He spoke clearly, and to the point. He liked to push you away and pull you back to him, clinging to you like a life preserver. He was hard not to love. You were drowning in him.

   With your new relationship came a new sense of self. You realized you were opening yourself up more, becoming the person you always wanted to be. You didn’t believe a man could change you, but rather, that a person could help you along. Doyoung’s faith in you made it easier for you to grow, which also made you think life had a way of making this the plan all along.

 That morning, you woke up next to him and felt a surge of happiness. He was still sleeping, his eyeballs moving underneath his eyelids. You put your hand over his heart and felt it fluttering softly against your palm. You stayed like that for a little while until Mark came in, his hair wet from the shower, his toiletry bag under one arm.

“Good morning.” Mark said.

  You removed your hand from Doyoung’s chest and gave Mark a wave. It was early in the morning, and Doyoung would have to get up for rehearsal soon. You cherished moments like this, just lying in his bed next to him and letting the world continue outside without you.

  Mark, his roommate, moved around the room as quietly as possible. You always liked Mark. He never complained about how much time you spent with Doyoung, and he was always terribly polite. You gave Mark his privacy and turned back to Doyoung, resting your head in the crook of his arm. Doyoung stirred, and opened one eye.

“What time is it?” he asked, his voice coming out as a croak.

  Both you and Mark repeated the time simultaneously, but Doyoung didn’t notice. You removed your head from his body and sat up. Mark bid both of you goodbye and left the room. Doyoung wiped the sleep from his eyes and sat up with you. He looked over at you and offered a shy smile. His hair was sticking up all over the place which made you smooth down the strands.

“You should shower,” you said. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Join me.” Doyoung said.

“As much as I would love to,” you began. “ I don’t think your friends would appreciate it. Text me when you get to the stadium?” you asked.

Doyoung took your hand in his and brought it up to his mouth to kiss the back of it. “Of course.” he said.

  You slid out of his bed, holding his sheet to your body. You put on your bra and shrugged on the sweater you had arrived in. Doyoung got up with you. His chest was bare, his pajama pants hugging his slim waist. He moved across the room to you at once, wrapping you up in his warm body, and burying his face in your neck.

“I love you.” Doyoung said.

  You told him you loved him too. You let his hands roam up underneath your shirt. His body pressed so closely to yours made you want him badly, but you knew you couldn’t have him just yet. You made eye contact with Doyoung and knew he felt the same.

“We could lock the door,” he suggested. “No one would know. It could be me and you for a little longer.”

  Being with Doyoung all of this time also brought a sense of freedom you had never tasted before. With him, you had never felt loved, both in body and mind. Sexually, he was the best you ever had. When you and Doyoung came together, it was explosive. You were always a sexual being, but he brought out something wild in you that you never knew existed. You both fucked like rabbits, sometimes going for hours until you were both raw. Locking the door and fucking quietly while his friends were just outside was definitely on your bucket list, but it didn’t feel like the right time.

“Not now,” you said. “Later.”

“I’ll be too tired after the concert.” Doyoung said.

  Never one to push you, Doyoung dropped it. You kissed him, probing his mouth with your tongue. Before leaving, you gave him one last kiss and a promise that you would make it up to him.

  You stood at security, your arms stretched out wide for the guard to search you. The concert venue was strict, taking the comings and goings of staff as seriously as they were for the concert-goers. Everyone had to be checked thoroughly for safety reasons.  In your short black skirt and black top, you left little to the imagination, but there were no exceptions. After all, the guards were only doing their jobs.

   And you were just doing yours. As the female guard made her way down your body, you thought about how you weren’t wearing any panties. It would be so easy for her to ask you to spread your legs a bit more , to bend over, and then she would see what a filthy slut you were for Doyoung.

   The managers and staff waited while you were cleared. You walked a few paces behind them ,careful not to draw too much attention to yourself. The harder parts of dating an idol were concealing yourself in broad daylight. You fit in among other concert goers as part of the plan. Anyone looking in your direction would think you were just a straggler, a nobody.

  The venue itself was big, holding around 9,000 bodies. You were proud of your friends for achieving their dreams. Supporting NCT 127 was the easiest decision anyone in their lives had to make.

“How are you feeling? Nervous? Excited for Doyoung?” a staff asked.

“Both.” you said.

  At the mention of his name, you began to feel giddy. Doyoung had no idea what you planned for him later. Any other person would mistake your smile as a reaction to love, and it was, but there was so much more to it than that.

“I bet you’re proud.” the staff said.

  You were. No matter what happened between you and him, you would always be proud. Doyoung had worked hard to get where he was in life, sacrificing a lot of himself, sometimes for the benefit of others. You knew what it had cost because he had shared those fears and secrets with you. Doyoung deserved the world and everything wonderful in it.

  You nodded and followed staff throughout the building. It was always surreal seeing Doyoung’s face blown up on posters, his other members surrounding him. You had seen him at his worst and his best. You had loved every emotion on that face, and the world was watching it as he performed, giving all of that love back to his fans. You felt emotion well up in your eyes and coughed to change the focus. 

  You were led back into the room where everyone was getting ready for their first performance. You tried staying out of the way as stylists and managers went in and out of the door, running around with things in their hands, and shouting about what they needed. Some members were in chairs getting last touches done, and some were coming back from having their mics fixed to their bodies. You took a seat and scanned the room for Doyoung. You saw him sitting in a corner, his phone in his hand. Just then, a text message pinged on your phone.

                                            You look beautiful

  You looked up and saw that Doyoung was watching you. You typed something quickly on your phone and sent it, your eyes going back to his to see his reaction.

                                   I’m not wearing any panties

  Doyoung’s mouth parted slightly when he read your text. When he looked back up at you, you spread your legs a little to tease him. No one else was paying attention to you, but if they were, they might have seen more of your body than they wanted to. Doyoung got up from his chair to scold you, but was stopped by Mark. By the time Mark was finished, it was time for them to go up on stage. The only thing Doyoung could do was hug you.

“Good luck.” you said.

“Thank you. I’m very scared.”

“You’re going to do great.” you said.

  Watching him walk away brought more emotions back to you, but you didn’t hide them this time. Another staff member you were friendly with, hooked her arm through yours, and led you both to the side of the stage where you would be able to watch them perform, away from prying eyes.

   The first half of the concert went well. Doyoung sang his heart out, hitting each note perfectly. The members teased him on stage during the ments, making his gummy smile come out. You always loved that smile. You cheered with other Nctzens, looking across the sea of green light sticks and feeling really touched by their love and support.

   During the middle of the show, the boys rushed off stage to change and do other things. Doyoung found you and kissed you like he wanted to do before.

“What did you think?” he asked.

  He was sweating from moving around so much, his hair matted to his forehead. You moved out of the way so the stylists and makeup artists could get at him. As hands worked on him, you marveled at how gorgeous he was.

“Baby, you sounded beautiful,” you said.” And everyone is doing really well!”

  Doyoung smiled, touching his hand to his chest. You reached out and took his hand in yours. Being there with him meant the world to both of you. Anyone in your presence could see how much you affected each other.

  When it was time to go back on stage, Doyoung kissed your cheek . You leaned in to tell him how much you loved him. The outpouring of love made Doyoung feel energized. With one last look at you, he bounded back onto stage. You waited in the wings, feeling like what you were about to do was risky, but worth it.

   As a vocal lines song ended and rap lines song begun, you met Doyoung off- stage. He had exactly 3:18 seconds before he had to be back on stage for the next song. The other staff you were with had wandered off to another part of the venue, so you and Doyoung were alone when you pulled him into the alcove. You could see everything from your spot: audience and stage, with Mark and Taeyong on it.

“What are you doing?” Doyoung asked.

  You backed into a pole and brought your skirt up around your hips. You weren’t going to waste any time. Doyoung’s hungry eyes were on your naked bottom half. You touched yourself, your fingers moving over your pussy, your mouth moaning like it was the best feeling in the world. You didn’t know if it was the adrenaline running through Doyoung’s veins, but he practically took a leap at you, his cock already hard and wanting out of his stage pants. Carefully, he unzipped himself and brought his cock out. You gave him a few strokes, keeping eye contact with Doyoung as you did.

  If anyone came to this end of the stage and looked down, they would see you and Doyoung right away. The thrill of being caught was sexy. All you really wanted to do was rip off Doyoung’s clothes, but there had to be some restraint. You couldn’t ruin his stage outfit, and there wasn’t a lot of time for anything. Doyoung lifted up your thigh, his fingers gliding over your skin to cup your ass. You guided his cock to your entrance, and as the song reached it’s chorus, his cock was inside of you.

“I can’t come,” he said. “But you can, and you will.”

  Doyoung’s fingers were on your clit as he fucked you. He knew that you needed the extra push to get off. You were thankful for the loud music, for the way the bass vibrated through your whole body. If not, you worried the whole stadium would hear you screaming Doyoung’s name. You leaned your head against the pole and cursed as loud as you could, feeling more free than ever.

“This is so sexy.” Doyoung said.

  He slowed down the way he touched your clit, using his thumb to match the tempo of Mark’s rapping. You felt your orgasm building up, making it harder for you to focus on anything but Doyoung right in front of you. The angrier Mark got with his raps, the wetter you became. Doyoung removed his cock and zipped his pants up. Before you could climax, he went down on his knees and put his mouth on you. He licked at your pussy to Taeyong’s ending rap, sucking at your clit like he was mad at it. You came a little before the 3:18 was over, but Doyoung didn’t fully stop until he heard the last note of the song. He got to his feet and kissed your mouth ,letting you taste yourself on his lips.

“Wait until later,” Doyoung said.  “I’m going to finish what you started.”

  Doyoung ran the fastest you had ever seen him run. He made it in time for the next song, rushing onto the stage, out of breath and licking his lips. You brought down your skirt and leaned against the pole wondering how this weird life had suddenly become yours.

[kenzierose53]

Thank you! ♥️

WARNING LONGISH SAPPY POST

So last night I posted about how emotionally drained I was feeling and I was no where near expecting the responses that I got. I want to send out a big thank you to everyone who has sent me kind messages and words of encouragement over the past 12 hours. 

I posted that because I felt so pent up and I just needed to scream about how I felt. I NEVER expected anyone to respond to it or reach out to make sure I was okay. At the time I posted it last night I was very close to disabling my account and disappearing. 

I honestly cannot thank everyone enough for the support that everyone has given me in the past 12 hours! My heart is so full of love, something I haven’t felt in a long while.

I especially want to thank @bleuaceofsparrows for reaching out to me almost immediately after I posted my rant. Sparrow was instantly in my inbox making sure that I was smiling and felt loved. She is a big reason that I have decided to keep my account open. Sparrow I appreciate you so much for being so supportive and loving towards me. You have always given me such good advice and I appreciate that so much! I love you very much ♥️ 

I also really want to thank Annika ( @dilforpheus ) for being here for me for the past month. She has really gotten a front row seat to my emotional meltdowns...I thank you greatly for putting up with my shit and never pushing me away. You are such an amazing person! God I love you so much for everything you have done for me in such a short amount of time ♥️ 

Hannah ( @evrydlce​ ) made me cry last night when she reblogged my post. I was getting ready to go to bed, my emotions were still running ramped and her post just made me feel so warm. Hannah dear you have always been so fucking kind to me. Your kind words of encourage you said last night brought a smile to my face and I will cherish them forever. I cannot thank you enough for how supportive and kind you have been to me, I seriously appreciate you so much! ♥️

When I woke up this morning I saw the post had another reblog and I was beyond confused. I didn't think anyone else really cared about me and then I saw RT ( @rollingthunder06​ ) sent me some very kind words with her reblog. Oh my goodness thank you so much for sending such kind words. We don't speak a whole lot but you are always there supporting me through my writing and even on the posts that are just me talking about life. ♥️

Jordan ( @pansexualandscared​ ) also reblogged the post which made my heart so happy. We personally have never talked but she has always been liking my writing posts and that always makes me smile. Jordan I appreciate your support! You are a very kind person and I hope I can get to know your beautiful self over the next few weeks ♥️

Hannah-Joy ( @joyfulsongbird​ ), I am not gonna lie I was surprised to see you commented on the post. We have barely interacted but in the little bit we have you are so kind and supportive. I admire your blog and who you are so much. I was surprised to see someone as popular as you comment on it. You are such a talented writer and funny individual, I didn’t even know you who I was. I appreciate your support ♥️ 

And to anyone else who liked the post I THANK YOU! It’s been a very rough couple of months for me and that just made me feel so much better. I always enjoy spreading the positivity and love to everyone else because I never want anyone to EVER feel left out or unspecial. In the past 12 hours I finally felt like I belonged, that I was special and wanted. Thank you everyone so much. I really hope you understand just how much this means to me! You all are so kind, I don’t deserve all this love ♥️

I challenge you all to send someone a kind message of encouragement, let the people you care about know how much you love them. A simple few words can make someone’s entire day! ♥️

-MaKenzie ♥️

[stevieang]

You Can’t Hurry Love  Chapter 28/30

Chapter 1   Chapter 2   Chapter 3  Chapter 4   Chapter 5  Chapter 6   Chapter 7 Chapter 8   Chapter 9     Chapter 10     Chapter 11     Chapter 12    Chapter 13 Chapter 14      Chapter 15     Chapter 16   Chapter 17  Chapter 18   Chapter 19   Chapter 20  Chapter 21   Chapter 22   Chapter 23  Chapter 24  Chapter 25 Chapter 26  Chapter 27

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Plus-Size OFC

Word Count: 4600

Warnings: Fluff, family and relationship drama, (trigger warning) healing after a trauma, some pretty strong angst, and explicit sexual content that is NSFW 18+.  SERIOUSLY.

Tags:  @3dsaunt  @andiyholly  @averyrogers83  @babybluesunsets @bettercallsabs @brittyevans  @brookebarnes @cecygee   @csrfavs   @docharleythegeekqueen  @dorito-distractions  @everythingisoverrated  @fabicchi  @favhearts  @flawless-disaster  @gifsbysimplysonia @hazeleyedgirl7   @hennessy0274-blog @inumorph @jaguars2007  @jaamesbbarnes @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety  @janeyboo @jouhainak @learisa @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @lilylovescomics   @lojo83   @lookwhatyoumademequeue  @lostinspace33  @madicardi  @magellan-88   @mamapeterson   @me-a-hopeless-romantic  @meyoko10  @mindingmyownbusiness @mizzzpink @neverleturheartshow2  @nomadicpixel  @nothanks-justlooking @part-time-patronus @patzammit @pinkieandthebrain1 @redqueen1221 @rosiethebaker @sebbytrash  @sgtjbuccky  @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan  @stark-spangled-banner-man  @st-eve-barnes @stillherebiandabitch @sunriserose1023​ @suz-123 @the-real-kellymonster    @tutis24 @winterismyfavoriteseason1945​  @winters-beauty​ @yaykitty3​

Summary: The cliche is true - the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Stephanie and Steve had enjoyed their honeymoon, had spent time with family and friends, and enjoyed relative peace for the first time since their wedding.  The life of an Avenger is never quiet for long, and this new chapter of this life was no different.

A/N: This is why I love Tumblr.  So many of you took the time to reach out and tell me that you love my little story, my baby if you will, and that you will miss it when it ends.  Thanks, a lot.  i am so grateful to you for all the love and likes and reblogs. They mean so much.  I could not have done this without @MSEnglish101 encouraging me from the very first day.  She has been so wonderfully patient with me - helping me fly on my own and feeling confident to do so!  Thanks also to @HMarvels31 who is just the sweetest, kindest Bucky-obsessed Canadian I know (though she may be the only one I know, which is lucky in and of itself).  Enjoy and thanks again for being such great readers!! - Steph

The pre-trial conference was not a formality.  Your legal team explained that it was a way to introduce motions about things like excluding certain witnesses or pieces of evidence and also a venue for the judge to encourage settlement.  

“Whoa.  Settle?  That’s not a serious consideration, is it?” You stared at Julia, the attorney that you’d worked most closely with and with whom you had developed a friendly rapport.

“From a budgetary and legal standpoint, it is always a consideration.  Trials are expensive and require an excessive amount of time and human resources.  It is prudent to explore the option, but in this case, neither side is suggesting it.  The Webers want to be heard and we want to be able to use their own words against them.”

You had read up on the lead defense lawyer.  He was considered an up-and-coming legal genius that dominated courtrooms and charmed jurors.  Thankfully, your team, as well as the government lawyers, were beyond reproach and had been prepping with intensity for months.  Everyone was as ready as they could be.  You had confidence in their abilities and just wanted to get the show on the road.

Wil and Ellie had not seen each other since their arraignment, when they decided to be tried together.  Ellie’s fears for her brother’s well-being were justified when she saw him at the pre-trial conference.  Wil had lived the somewhat pampered life of an academic, a scientist, and a businessman.  He was his father’s favorite son, cherished by his mother, and protected by his stronger, more aggressive twin.  Jail had not been kind to him.  He was thin, with skin the color of an old yellowing t-shirt, and worst, lacking the confidence he always exuded.

She immediately slipped into German when they saw each other.

“What have they done to you, dearest?” She hugged him with a ferocity she rarely exhibited.  

He didn’t answer.  She cupped his cheek with her hand.

“This life is not for you, but we have a way out.  West sent me a message.”  That got him to raise his eyes with a glimmer of hope behind them.  She relayed her orders.

“How? You know we are not going to be found innocent, El.  We have nothing they need and we tried taking something that means everything to them.”  He bowed his head in resignation, and his sister slapped him.  Hard.  He responded with fury in his eyes.  That’s what she wanted.

“Barnes.  I am going to ask our lawyers to get in touch with Barnes.  He’s all kinds of devastated that this happened on his watch.  I’ll feed him the line he wants - a chance to right his wrong with me in exchange for what we want.”

Wil understood and didn’t try to convince his sister to change her mind.  “No matter what, he is not going to get me released, allow me to work with them.”

Ellie smiled.  Her brother was back.  “No, but I have an idea.”

_____________________________

The conference netted some excluded evidence on both sides, but nothing that Julia deemed critical to the case.  The week before the trial you began daily run-throughs with the lawyers on various parts of your testimony.  Each person had an area of specialty for which they were responsible and would take the lead.  You trusted each of them and, by now, felt like an expert witness.  Steve and Bucky were there, but it was Natasha you were the most thankful for.  She had been in charge of the CGS pharmaceuticals investigation from the beginning and played a significant role in establishing the chain of physical evidence against the Webers.  You were particularly touched when she took you out to lunch and refused to allow the men to join or other security to tag along.  Not one dissenting opinion was heard.

You were getting bigger every day, as your third trimester rolled along.  You were only 32 weeks - with the longest 8 to go until your due date.  Each of your daughters had attempted to hang out past their due dates, so unless something happened, you weren’t betting on an early delivery.  As you dug into your salad and sipped your water, you questioned Nat about her observations and solicited any advice she had to give, as you knew she wouldn’t sugarcoat it.  She had a few thoughts, but overall was pleased.  When your plates were cleared, she looked at you and smiled as she lightly placed a hand on your tummy.

“You’ve done well, Steph.  I’m not one for big emotional speeches, but I know it may have seemed like I was always coming down on the side opposite of your safety, I want to make sure you know why.”

You gently put your hand on hers.  “I do, Nat.  I didn’t at first, but I get it now.  Steve and Bucky explained it more than once.  They love you, and I know you only do things you feel are right.  We’re good.”

She pulled out another one of Tony’s credit cards (was he just handing those things out like Halloween candy?) and offered one more piece of advice before returning you to the conference room.  “Steph, don’t underestimate the Webers, particularly Ellie.  She’s going to do and say anything she can to save her brother and herself.  She’s going to try to take down Bucky, Steve, SHIELD, everyone - and don’t let anyone tell you that she can’t do it.”

_______________________________________

The first day of the trial you did a double take when Bucky arrived to escort you to the courthouse.  Steve was already there, as he wanted to personally review all the security protocols before allowing you in the building, so Bucky was on point for you.  You and Pepper had gone shopping for suitable outfits, given your ever-changing shape, settling on comfortable loose dresses with sweaters, if needed.  

“Sergeant Barnes? Is that you?”  You chuckled as he flipped you off.

“Yes, Mrs. Rogers, it’s me.  You’ve seen me spiffed up before, don’t start.”  

You took out your phone and snapped a pic of him scowling in his navy blue suit, white shirt and tie.  His hair was pulled back low on his neck and his stubble was as trim as you’d seen it.  Whoa.  Thank God you were taken or there’d be drooling.

“Ally is going to die over this.”  You sent it quickly and put the phone away, checking you had everything you needed for a day sitting in a courtroom.  It was predicted that you wouldn’t testify for at least a couple of days, depending on the length of opening statements and other miscellaneous issues.  

Bucky walked you downstairs and through the back entrance to the garage.  He was personally driving you each day, with at least two agents backing him up.  When you sat side-by-side in the front seat of the car, he put his hand on your knee.

“Ready, doll?”

You smiled and nodded. “As I’ll ever be.”

_______________________________

Ellie saw Stephanie as soon as she and Wil were escorted into the courtroom.  She was ecstatic that Barnes sat next to her, not even looking her way as the guards brought her and Wil to the table flanked by their lawyers.  During the pre-trial conference, after Wil agreed to her idea, she asked her lawyer to reach out and get a time for them to meet with the government, particularly with Barnes, suggesting she had information to share about a larger circle of criminal activity.  

Ellie’s request was denied, following a lack of hard evidence to back up her claims, but she knew that Barnes had received her message.  Now all she had to do is wait.  She knew that idiot would not give up any chance to destroy an offshoot of HYDRA, or to wipe the Webers off the face of the planet.

As the government started its opening statement, she could feel Barnes’ eyes on her.  Only at the end of the first day did she grant him the satisfaction of turning to look him in the eye.

_________________________________

The Winter Soldier was a master assassin.  If he wanted to take out Ellie Weber in a packed courtroom, he could and no one would know it was him.  Irregardless, when she walked into the courtroom, it wasn’t the Soldier’s cold, detached reaction that flooded his system.  No, the feelings all belong to James Buchanan Barnes, the kid from Brooklyn who protected a certain little guy, his sisters, and his Ma with everything he had.  Bucky Barnes knew he had to squash the white hot anger that threatened to boil over, for Steph’s sake.

What he could not keep under wraps was his curiosity.  Weber’s lawyer had approached him to set up a meeting, and upon approval from the government’s attorneys, it was going to happen after this first day of court.  He knew not to believe a word that bitch said, but if listening to her would protect his family or end The HIVE, he would do whatever was necessary.

__________________________________

“Mom, please, can we come?” You shook your head firmly, not inviting debate.  The girls had asked to talk to you alone in their suite, the night before your testimony began, and you had obliged.

“But Mom, listen.  We thought about what you said.  About being there and showing them they can kiss your behind?” You all laughed at Lizzie’s editing.   You nodded in agreement.  “We want to show them that, too.  We almost lost you, but we didn’t.  We want to show them that we are stronger, together.”

For a split-second you were tempted, but then thought about a million different variables, the biggest being that you would not be able to filter or censor anything they heard.  They would be present for a full and realistic accounting of every minute of your capture at the hands of people you, and they, had trusted.  You couldn’t put them through that.

“Girls, I hear you, but the answer is no.  I need to ask you to trust me and your Dad on this.  We decided that the things you could hear might cause you some real and possibly permanent trauma.  I could not live with myself if that happened because you wanted to support me.  I do have an idea though.”  You shared with them what would help you get through, and though they weren’t completely on board with not attending, the discussion ended amicably.

“Was it what you thought?” Bucky and Steve were waiting in your apartment while you talked with the girls in theirs.  The first days had gone well, according to people who would know, and now these men were making sure you felt safe and ready for your turn the next day.  

“Yes.  We talked it through, and they agreed to support me in other ways.”  Both girls were going to be with their father and step-mother with an expanded security detail during the duration of your testimony.  That is the only way you felt free to do what you needed to do.

“Good.  They don’t need to hear any of that shit, and I don’t want Weber eye-ballin’ them, not even a little.”  Bucky was calm, but talk of the girls and Weber breathing the same air was a very real trigger.  You and Steve each took one of his hands, and silently breathed deeply.  

Steve got up from the table and walked to the door, smiling at you as he turned his head.  

“C’mon.  Tony’s Pizza for dinner tonight!”  

“What? You’re letting me go to Brooklyn for dinner?”  You looked at your husband with wide, thankful eyes.  

He and Bucky smiled at each other as they opened the door to your suite.  Waiting in the hall were the Unholy Trinity - Maria, Jen, and Ally - and boxes and boxes of piping hot Tony’s Pizza.  You kissed both men and ran into the arms of three women who were as much family to you as your siblings and parents.  

Of course, Maria was the first to speak. “Steve said that you wouldn’t mind some non-legal, non-Avenger company tonight.  I thought you might be missing Tony’s almost as much as you missed us, so I stopped and got a few pies.  I also brought videos of the renovation and a punch list of things we’ll need to do to get it ready.” You might have squealed as you hugged her and asked FRIDAY to alert the girls to come over.

She smiled lovingly at your tears.  “You may thank me now.”  

That night as you and Steve lay in bed, you thanked him for being the best husband in the entire world.  “That was exactly what I needed tonight, love.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  I knew the last thing you needed was to dwell on tomorrow.  I also got the distinct feeling that Bucky was really missing Ally, but he would have never left us to go see her, so….two birds and all.”

“You’re pretty smart, Cap, you know that?”

“In addition to being the best husband in the entire world? This is a night to remember.”  You both laughed as you kissed, his hand molding to your stomach where Baby Rogers was doing its best to keep you awake.  He scooted down and talked to the little one, and as you listened to his soothing deep voice, your eyes started to close.  

___________________________________

You were nervous but not panicked as you walked into the courthouse the next day.  You made sure to pee at least 100 times so you wouldn’t have to excuse yourself in front of the entire courtroom.  

“The government calls Stephanie Rogers to the stand.”  Now - panicked.

After the first questions you calmed down and got into the rhythm your lawyers drilled into you from day one.  You listened carefully, answered only what you were asked, and looked at the person asking the questions, as well as the jury.  After over an hour of questioning, the judge called for a recess and you took what felt like your first real breath of the day.  After coming back from, you guessed it, the bathroom, Steve brought you a snack and a glass of water in the antechamber near the main room.  

When the bailiff called you back in, you both stood and your husband looked you straight in the eye.  

“You got this.  Remember, Rogers don’t run.”  He kissed you hard and held your hand until you returned to the stand.

After your team was finished came the hard part - the defense team’s cross examination.  You breathed deeply, took a sip of water, and rubbed your stomach, as Baby Rogers chose that moment to play soccer in utero.  After the initial getting to know you chit-chat, fun time was over.

“Mrs. Rogers, why were you kidnapped in the first place? You do not hold a security clearance, you do not have any known value to the intelligence community, what possible reason would anyone have to take you?”

“You mean other than having neurologically-deviant thinking?” That was objected and the judge gave you a “don’t be a smartass” look.

“I do not know why I was kidnapped.”

“Can you offer your opinion?”  Your team did not object, so you did as you were asked.  You maintained a neutral expression and made eye contact with Steve.  He gave you an almost-imperceptible nod.

“Captain Steven Rogers was my boyfriend at the time of the first abduction and my husband at the time of the second.  He has all the things that I lack regarding value to the intelligence community, etc.  I surmised I was used as leverage to get something from him.  This was confirmed by both Agent Weber and her brother when they attempted to harvest somatic stem cells from my unborn child, in utero.”

The defense lawyer continued to fish around, with multiple attempts to get you to provide information.  Your legal team had prepared for the contingency that they might try to get you to talk about Erskine’s serum and had done significant prep in that area.  Thankfully, classified intel is protected from testimony in open court, and he was not successful.  

“Mrs. Rogers, how do we know you’re telling the truth?”  He was not ready for you.

“I believe that my eye-witness testimony, in conjunction with the material evidence produced by the prosecution, including fingerprints, conclusive IP address information for the streaming video ransom notes, collaborative testimony from Agent Romanoff, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes, and the ballistics and DNA evidence at both crime scenes are more than sufficient proof that my testimony is true.”  Fuck you, asshole.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky smiling ear-to-ear and Steve fired up with pride.  You were pretty damn proud of yourself, too, if you must admit.

He continued to poke and prod, trying to deconstruct your testimony around the apartment break-in, your kidnapping and abduction across the US border, your injuries, and your eventual betrayal by Ellie Weber and attempt on your and your unborn child’s life.  You felt guilty you had ever complained about all the trial prep, because you had a calm and accurate answer for everything that idiot threw at you.

“How did I know Agent Weber was responsible for these acts?  She told me, while I was strapped down to a table and introduced to her brother who was inserting an IV into my arm.  I believe that the GPS tracker data on me from Mr. Stark, already entered into evidence, showed our approximate locations for the entire time in question.  She confessed - no - bragged about her plan to me, during the procedure, prior to the explosion.

“Last question, from your observation, were there any other people present at either abduction who were giving orders or directives to your captors, or to the Webers?”  Ahhhhh, first smart question of the day.

“Yes, I observed people who appeared to be conveying orders or directives to both Ellie and Wil Weber.”

“Are they present in the courtroom today?”

“I do not see them.”

“Were they taken into custody the day of the second abduction?”

“I would not know, I had lost consciousness following the amniocentesis and was rushed back to Stark Tower for emergency fetal medical care.”

Of course, he knew that.  Of course he wanted to introduce the idea that the Webers were not wholly responsible for what happened to you.  He opened the door just enough to get the death penalty off the table.

When you were dismissed, the judge adjourned for the day.  You returned to your seat to find only Steve.

Despite questioning where Bucky was, Steve would only allude to an appointment he had with the lawyers related to his portion of the case.  You were too tired to probe further.

___________________________________

Bucky waited in the conference room for the lawyers.  He felt calm, in control.  He played this scene in his mind often since Weber was taken into custody - what he would do, what he would say the first time he came face-to-face with her.   In preparation for this meeting, Steve and Nat reminded him of one thing - let the Soldier run the show.  There was no place in this meeting for Bucky Barnes’ love and emotion.

The room soon filled - a lawyer for each side, Ellie and Wil Weber, and Bucky.  He sat and waited, letting the Soldier’s face, his voice, his body language be the only things the others saw.  On the other side, Ellie thought she was in charge.  It irked her that she had to get approval from her lawyer before proposing her idea.

“We know you want West.  We know you want the HIVE.  We can give them to you.”

The Soldier’s dead stare bore into her, causing the merest blip in Ellie’s confidence.  She laid it out.  There was no room for coy negotiating tactics.

“West has used the genetic material from the Rogers fetus to identify the last element of Erskine’s serum,” she saw understanding around the table and continued “but he does not have a scientist that can successfully integrate it into what The HIVE already has - the imperfect formula that runs through your veins.”

The Soldier’s voice was barely audible, lacking all the vitality of James Barnes.  He leaned forward in his seat, his left hand sliding across the table, his eyes never leaving Wilhelm Weber’s.  

“You can create the serum using me, can’t you.”  

The scientist tried to remain unruffled, but he was much less accustomed to the muscle end of the business and quickly looked away.

That intense gaze turned towards Ellie.  “You want us to let him go back to West.”

With calculated intent, he stood up, knocking the chair to the floor while laying his metal hand on the table with just enough force to vibrate the large piece of solid-wood furniture.  The startle around the table confirmed that they were all paying attention.  

“No. There is no win for us in this.  If he doesn’t do it, you will both be murdered in a gruesome and vindictive way.  I don’t see a problem there.  If he goes back, The HIVE gets the serum and we’re fighting an army of super soldiers? THAT is a problem.”

Ellie knew she had to leap. Now. “Do you think I’m that stupid?”

It was Barnes’ emotions she saw when he turned towards her and sat back down.  She was jubilant that she had his attention.

“Wil needs to testify.  He needs to testify and he needs to talk about the serum, in open court.”  

The entire table erupted.  

“That is classified top secret.”

“There is no way Fury and the government are going to allow it.”

A chill went through the room when he started to laugh as Ellie finished speaking.  He understood her game before anyone else.  Bucky stood and walked out of the room.

As he left, he looked Ellie Weber in the eye.  “We’ll talk again tomorrow.”

_________________________________________

You put your feet up and moaned graphically when Steve started massaging them.  You looked down at him over the baby bump and smiled wearily.   He looked up and kissed your belly, then lifted you out of the chair to bring you to bed.  You didn’t say a word, letting him gently deposit you, help you out of your dress, and put on one of his t-shirts and your boy shorts.  34 weeks was upon you and you were starting the hard part of pregnancy - the “tired, can’t eat, always have to pee, get this kid out of me and feel extremely undesirable” part.  

“I am so proud of you, Steph.  You were astounding today.  I think anyone in attendance saw how you were in command the entire time.  It was sexy as hell.”

You laughed quietly and kissed his cheek.  “That’s the last word I would use to describe myself right now, but I do feel proud of how I handled everything.  Do you think I’m done testifying?”

He leaned beside you, rubbing your lower back, which hurt most of the time these days and kissing your neck.  “As you wrapped up, Julia thought today was it.  She even suggested taking tomorrow off to rest, in case you were called for rebuttal.  I’m going to make that an order, soldier.”  He laughed as he heard you talking nonsense and drift off to sleep.

You had no idea what time it was when you woke up, but quickly realized it was the middle of the night and Steve wasn’t in bed.  That wasn’t altogether unusual, and you didn’t think much of it while you trudged to the bathroom.  You laughed as you shuffled back to bed, feeling every bit of your age, with Baby Rogers dancing the tango directly on your sciatic nerve.  When you got back into bed, you stretched in an attempt to alleviate the shocks of pain running down your leg, and felt a new, noticeable, sharp pain in your abdomen.  Your first instinct was to lay back and breathe deeply - you were probably dehydrated and overtired.  As you closed your eyes and breathed in through your nose and out through your mouth, the pain came back again and you couldn’t help but cry out.

You called out for Steve, if he was in the apartment he would come running when he heard you yell.  No bueno.  You grabbed your phone and texted him.

Steph: Where are you??? I need you.

Steve: On my way.

A moment later he came into the bedroom and found you sitting up in bed, night table lamp on, and breathing rhythmically.   This was your favorite part about being married to Steve - he didn’t overreact, didn’t get flustered, just worked the problem, and the problem was to figure out what was going on with you.

“Do you think it’s labor?”  You shook your head and repeated your thoughts about dehydration and exhaustion.

“FRIDAY alert Bruce and Dr. Cho we’re meeting them in the med bay ASAP.”  You attempted to get up and put your robe on, but a pain struck just at that moment and you reached for his hand to squeeze.  For the second time that night, he picked you up and walked with purpose but without fear to the elevator.  When you walked out the door, Bucky was coming into the hall from his suite, clearly on his way to see if he could help.

In order to avoid 20 questions, you summed up what was going on and asked that he inform the agents outside the girls’ door not to say anything and you would talk to them later, if necessary.  You were trying to be quiet, but as usual weren’t successful, and several doors opened on the hallway, spewing out cranky, sleepy Avengers.  When they saw Steve’s back as he walked down the hall with you in his arms, Bucky explained and went to tell his agents what was up.  

“Bruce, Helen, I’m so sorry to wake you.  I told Steve it’s probably dehydration, but we agree you’re the best people to evaluate that.  Plus, he already had picked me up and started walking down the hall before I formulated a thought about whether to come here or not.”

After more than an hour of ultrasound, bloodwork, and monitoring, the 16 combined PhD’s and MD’s came to the same conclusion you did - round ligament pain resulting from your uterus stretching, dehydration, and exhaustion.  They put you on bed rest for at least 3 days, forbidding you to go to the courthouse or do much more than watch Netflix and go to the bathroom.

“But…” Your mind was revving - the renovations, the trial, the girls and on and on and on…..

Steve’s look was more stern than you’d seen in a very long time. “Listen, soldier.  The docs have put you on bed rest and you are going to follow that order to a T.  You’re going to do that, right?”  His expression softened as he held your hand and watched the comforting regular blips on the heart monitors for you and the baby.

“Yes, sir.  Bruce, Helen, can you please tell him that I am allowed to get up to go to the bathroom and to the kitchen? Maybe even walk to another room for a change of scenery?”  They gladly clarified that distances of 10-15 steps or less were fine, as long as you didn’t stand for too long.

After thanking them and returning to your suite, you laughed when you found Bucky sitting on your sofa when you walked in, a look of concern on his face.  After you were back in bed and sleeping, and both Super Soldiers convinced you were not going into labor, Bucky gestured Steve into the living room.

“We need to talk about my meeting with Weber and Weber today.  There might be something to what they’re proposing.”

Chapter 29

[indieks]

Silent Treatment 🔊 Mark Tuan || Part.4 [END]

💭 Pairing : Mark Tuan x Reader

💭 Genre : Angst, Fluff, Suggestive (light), Supernatural-ish

💭 Word count : 24.8k

💭 Synopsis : Ever since his accident, he has forbidden himself from speaking ever again, as his voice hasn’t been useful the time he had needed it the most. Until he meets you, the one and only girl that could possibly help him overcome his trauma, as you make his heart and mind want to speak up again. You, who can hear his deepest thoughts through your special ability, yet still doesn’t see him as a desperate mute, but a mysterious man worthy of your care.

💭 Notice : The sentences written in bold are Mark’s thoughts, and when *written like this between stars*, it means the character can hear them.

Part 01 🔇 Part 02 🔈 Part 03 🔉 Part 04 [END] 🔊

💭 A/N : YES, IT’S OUT! It’s 7 a.m. here in France but I wasn’t going to sleep until I was finished (was it too captivating for me to stop? read and you’ll decide...)

I’m so relieved and touched to share this with you. I’m really sorry for having kept you waiting, and I’m beyond thankful for the support and asks you sent me, showing love for this fanfic.

Endings are always the hardest to be satisfied with, however I did my best and I hope you won’t be disappointed.

‘Til the end : I would never pretend that I know about psychology and how to treat patients! Everything comes out of my pure imagination! And please, if you ever feel bad for any reason, reach out, you matter! ♥

Also, any comments, good or bad, are still welcomed! I love your feedback, really! Thank you again and have a nice time reading!

Disclaimer : I can once again proudly say that the GIF is mine! (and this one definitely kills me)

                        He didn't know what was hurting his body the most right now. Was it his feet because he had been dragging them around the streets for quite a while, or his heart that definitely felt as if it had been pierced by thousands of needles, embodying your words of truth?

The darkness of the night wasn't as black as his mind which had plunged back into the deepest of sorrows, his eyes looking at nothing but the ground in order to help him lose himself into the big city and into a thoughtless state, until he'd breathe properly again without feeling any pain, without feeling anything. Why couldn't he swallow back his emotions like he used to?

Mark's cheeks were burning as his brain full of hatred was sweltering in hell, and he felt like he was drunk, his footsteps messy on the sidewalk, a sarcastic yet sad laugh sometimes escaping his mouth, before it switched to two lonely strand of tears he had denied freedom to earlier, forcing their way out without him realizing – until the salty taste of warm water met his front buds.

*What the- Did you just cry Mark? Seriously?*

He probably looked like a fool, a scary one more than one you could laugh at, but he confidently went forward and forward, down the streets and crossways, letting his body explore the drawers of emotions he hadn't opened for so long. Before you.

You were stepping all over his mind after having trampled on his weakened heart, and Mark might well shake his head from the left to the right like a possessed man, or grip his pale locks of hair so that the pain he would get from it would replace any thought linked to you, he just couldn't help it.

He was reminded of your crying face, of your eyes that had wanted to be apologetic, but most of all, he was hearing your trembling voice over and over again, confessing your sins to him, instead of the ambient rumpus caused by the motors of vehicles driving a few meters away or the laughs of some friends enjoying their Saturday night.

*Why can't I get this liar out of my head? I want it to stop!*

Bzzt bzzt. Bzzt bzzt.

Oh? Finally, he actually felt something else other than pain. A familiar vibration came from the pocket of his denim jacket, right under his hand that had barely been in contact with fresh air ever since he had stepped out of the apartment blocks, confined in this restricted space so that he wouldn't use his tensed fist to smash everything around him, or maybe everyone.

Mark was disgusted by every single human being on earth right now, the sour taste of betrayal making him want to spit at anyone he came across, or ditch a less than appropriated bunch of words, his tongue burning from all the insults and hurtful words he hadn't thrown into your face so that he'd feel at least a little bit better.

Jackson [00:47 AM] : Bro, where you at? It's been almost two hours since you disappeared, we're kind of worried (I said KIND OF) so at least let us know that you're alive if you don't want to tell where you went to…?

Well, maybe not every single human being…

Mark sighed at the sight of his screen as he felt soothed momentarily by remembering the best friends he could count on, with the premises of a touched smile tingling at the corner of his dry lips. Then, before he had taken the time to think back of it, he was already typing something frenetically, biting at his lower lip as he came to anticipate the next message.

Mark [00:47 AM] : Is she still here?

Thankfully though, it seemed that Jackson had been staring at his phone anxiously with just as carefulness as Mark had been doing, because less than a minute after, a text popped up again.

Jackson [00:47 AM] : No, she left. And we won't ask any questions.

Mark [00:48 AM] : I'll start walking back. Don't know exactly where I am, but it's downtown, dw.

Why did his heart feel disappointed that you weren't here anymore? Mark looked up to the street lamps as if they would give him an answer, yet the yellow light wasn't keen on helping him feel better as he didn't absorb any calming sensation from its warm shine, and the fire within him got even more ignited at his question left unanswered.

What would have he said to you back home anyway? His brain was willing to despise you and to regret having met you ; still, somewhere in his heart, it ached. His chest was aching at every single trembling beat of his life organ, because Mark was going under a heartbreak. He had been persuaded he couldn't get more crushed into pieces than he had been ever since his accident, but your impact on him proved him wrong, and it hurt.

It hurt because you had been the glue that had fixed his fragile self, yet everything was falling apart once again, and the price of the pain felt as worse as the one he had faced back in the car. It hurt to realize that, he had cherished you that much in such a mere time, so much that he could come to a comparison between you and his mother that had been supposed to be the only woman filling a special place, but now you had dug yours, and deeply.

It hurt to hear a tiny voice inside his head wishing it wasn't true, wishing he could hear you out once more, wishing he could try to figure it out, when the right choice was supposed to be the one he had made earlier : throw a con-artist out of his life.

"Are you okay, boy?" a raspy voice coming from his left startled Mark who turned around, meeting with a little old man wearing nothing but a brown parka which was half-opened, and a pair of more than used shorts, and when he entered the circle of light, Mark saw how tired his facial muscles were and how tousled was his hair.

The blonde nodded slowly, feeling sorry for this hobo that was smiling gently at him, approaching him until he could smell the strong scent of alcohol coming from his clothes.

"You sure? You don't look like it, boy" the man overbid while hiding his dirty but damaged hands into the pockets of his way too large coat.

Mark nodded once more and would have gladly returned the question, persuaded it would have given a bit of light into the world of this man that surely was darker than his own even during this night of despair. He then opted for a basic sign language to indicate him he couldn't talk, to which the hobo shook his head too, his smile seeming brighter to Mark than all the street lamps.

"It comes and goes, boy, the pain. See, it only takes a smile to feel better! So smile, hm? Put that moody face away and smile! It will go away, and you'll get stronger. You only need to stay positive, see? And to stick by the people who truly love you! That's important, that's really important. I didn't do it, and here I am, boy. Well I don't think I'd be where I am if I had had people by my side those past years, but because I think of my mom up there who loved me and looks upon me, I'm still alive and living, hm? So give me a smile, and get straight home, and tomorrow you'll feel better, believe me. You're young, you still have a lot of tomorrows."

Mark felt his heart constrict in his chest and the remaining tears he had blocked filling back the crease of his tired eyelids, but to thank this man who had helped appeasing his aching even for a few seconds, he swallowed them back once more and he gave that smile he had been asked for.

"That's right, that's right! Good night, boy. I don't want you to end up like me, so go home now!"

Mark felt his lower lip tremble, sign of his intern struggle to fight his urge to cry, so he quickly bowed the hobo goodbye and he spun on his heels before taking his steps towards the climb waiting for him. And even if his ears were deaf because he was bathing under an endless ocean of mixed emotions, those few words of comfort still had made their way through to his heart which suddenly felt lighter than a feather, and with his eyes now looking up to the sky as he, too, thought of his mother now, but with a smile rather than a frown the mysterious man had managed to erase.

                           Tomorrow's a better day, he said. *I won't think of this liar anymore. I won't feel anything anymore. I won't, ever again.*

Park Jinyoung [00:50 AM] : Got some news. He's on his way back, don't worry. Take care, Y/N.

You had been staring at some kind of invisible void on your ceiling for the past two hours, waiting for this very text you had merely asked for before you had went out of the boys' apartment. It wasn't the shame that had made you run away right after your group of friends had come to check on you, once Mark had slammed the door with only your sobs to give a hint about what happened ; it was his voice that you were still hearing, even now that you were secured under your blankets.

You had thought it was because he had probably been roaming around the neighborhood that you were still catching his thoughts, but now that you had finally fled past the limits of your ability yourself, you were truly doubting that Mark could remain in the same perimeter, so close that you could hear his low voice in your head as if he was talking next to you.

What was happening? Was it your power's way to punish you for having used it in a wrong way for so long? Were you condemned to be a sinner by keeping on invading his privacy even from far away?

But I just couldn't stop it.

Or was it another evolution you couldn't explain? But why now, with him? Wasn't his feeling of betrayal and him pushing you away supposed to mute it forever, just like it had back with Myeoli?

It was worse than a living nightmare, as your insomnia was making you wonder if you weren't going crazy and imagining things into your head with a list of reasons to prove its point : because of your terrible guilt, because you were too damn fond of the boy, because during those last three weeks you had been obsessing over your love story he had been about to write the next page of tonight.

Every single note of his voice was making you fall for this paranoia theory as you couldn't accept that your ability would ever do that to you. However, as the pinch marks on your arms went deeper just like the night, and as you tossed and turned on the mattress with a cushion wrapped around your head in order to duct any sound, you were left with no choice except to face it as the truth : you weren't crazy, but constantly hearing him.

*I shouldn't be hurting. I shouldn't be whining like a baby. I shouldn't care. Fuck you, Y/N.* Tomorrow's a better day, tomorrow's a better day. Tomorrow I'll be fine.

You hadn't any water left in your tired body, so you only frowned and caught your breath every time his thoughts seeped into your ears, which meant every single minute of the long night you were trapped in. You wished you could fall asleep, but his beautiful voice was contrasting with his hurtful yet justified words, keeping your eyes wide open and your heartbeat at a fast pace, as instead of dragging you to sleep like any well-told story would, you took it like a horror tale putting you into a shuddering state.

                   You were woken up early in the morning by Mark's voice into your head. It had been empty from any dreams for you to escape to, probably because even when you had fallen asleep at some point, the boy had kept ranting until a late late time, when he had finally decided to take a pill so he'd succumb to his tiredness or else he would have turned mad from his internal torture, just as you had been about to do.

You were glad that your body needs to rest had taken over your mind and put you to sleep despite your head being actively solicited, yet you felt completely worn out. Your eyes were puffy and you almost screamed at your reflection in the mirror ; but thankfully, it was Sunday, so nobody would have the bad luck to come across a zombie trailing its soulless body in the streets, as you were planning to stay indoors and mourn over your love story's death.

*I feel a thousand times worse... I guess it's not for today.*

*Look at you Mark, you look like shit. How are you supposed to face your boss like that? What are you going to tell him? Sorry boss I've got heartbro- What am I even thinking*

You chuckled sadly as you had been sharing the same thoughts as him after eyeing your figure this morning, until the residues of the word "heartbroken" resounded between your head walls, making you gasp. In the middle of all the gloom clouding over your mind, a ray of happiness pierced its way as you came to realize that he sincerely cared about you so that he could use this word ; yet, it was soon replaced by a wave of guilt and regret plaguing your thoughts.

You had broken his heart. Him who was so fragile had let someone enter this secretive and unstable world of his, but that very visitor was the reason why he was even more messed up than before, with her short path having crushed everything on its way to his heart. How great of a work for a future psychiatrist!

Woodam had always told you to deal with your acts and to take responsibilities whenever you'd hurt someone because of your power or whenever you made mistakes under its influence ; but this morning, and the morning after, and the following ones during this new hellish week that turned out to be worse than the ones before, all you felt like was moping around and crying again and again instead of assuming the consequences like a grown-up would do – by dealing silently with the pain that was well-deserved, for example. So you cried on your couch, you cried under your shower, you cried while feeding yourself, and you cried yourself to sleep at night.

You couldn't get over your sadness, even less with Mark's voice proving you how bad of a time he was having ever since you had parted, as he was starting to hate every single thing about his life all over again, not forgetting to curse your name once or twice per day but without failing to betray his feelings for you at the same time, pulling you down at your worst state.

I want to see her...  I miss her. *I hate that I miss her. Why do I miss that girl? Why did I get attached to her? When did I get like that? You need to get stronger, remember*

*Are you hearing me right now, huh? I hope you don't, or else you'll know how bad I am doing because of you, and I fucking can't let you do that. No, I can't. You don't have the right to know…* That I still care about you.

You both liked each other, but you had drifted your worlds too far apart for you to reach out to him.

Everything's my fault. Everything's my fault.

                                               Nevertheless, this situation wasn't meant to last, as you knew you shouldn't keep on drowning into your own sin by letting yourself get a hold of Mark's intimate feelings. So after a few days of enduring it and trying to focus on your classes even when his voice would cover the professors' crucial teaching, your heavy steps trailed you towards the only light at the end of your repentance tunnel : Woodam.

He was the unlucky individual on whom you could transfer the weight of your power by asking for his help, and you craved for it the most right now. It had been a hard decision, to resolve yourself to cut the last bit of a connection you had with Mark that had outdone the distance he had drawn between the both of you, still you weren't in the right to be greedy and selfish. You had wronged him enough while he had been blind to it, so it was just awful to repeat the pattern behind his back, and it was your own way to respect his harsh one of ending things. By letting him go too, definitely.

You were welcomed by an empty waiting room as you came late on purpose, in hopes of being Woodam's last case so that you'd raise your chances to get out of his cabinet with a lighter heart and relieved eardrums, and for that to happen, you were conscious that it would take time. You had only made one phone call in the morning, and your godfather had probably heard the despair in your tired vocals while you had asked if you could meet without explaining your reasons, as he had outright ordered you to come by before the end of the day.

*I knew smiling wouldn't do it. I can't smile all by myself, that's ridiculous.*

*Hey, are you that desperate that you're listening to a hobo's words like it's the law now?*

*The guys would be laughing at me if they saw where I'm going. How come I slept in?* Let's get that medical certificate quickly, he's the only one who'll give it to me.

*I don't recognize myself, seriously. She messed me up so bad.*

You deeply sighed with your head falling back against the white wall behind you, and your knuckles turned the same pale color on your knees as you clutched onto them out of anxiety, your urge to get rid of his voice having a heated fight with your fear of definitely losing him without a way back.

*C'mon, turn around you twat. You hate this place so much.* You'll find a way yourself like you always did, right?

"Where are you going that it makes you so anxious…" you wondered out loud as your livid eyes were fixed on the rank of unoccupied seats facing you.

Yet, if you really would have liked an answer despite your question being rhetorical, you hadn't expected it to be so on point, as the man your heart was crying over passed the waiting room's door, acknowledging you only once he had sat down on the chair precisely opposed to yours.

Your sad eyes met, a crescent light suddenly illuminating his chocolate brown irises and making them livelier than the last time he had looked at your face with all his anger having conquered them. Your heart skipped a beat and your crossed legs started to tremble so much that they refused to take you away and leave his sight even when your mind commanded them to.

You felt scared, scared of what he'd do, what he'd say, what he'd come to think of. You had dreaded this moment as much as you had wished for it to happen, his face with its beautiful traits remaining the most precious souvenir for you to picture in your mind, even when it was painted with the tern colors of sadness, even when it hurt really bad when you did so.

Your lips parted a few times, but your vocal chords had turned sore so no sound came out. You spotted his jaw clenching, and Mark exhaled loudly through his nose before finally letting go of your intense exchange of stares to concentrate on his phone he started to type on.

You couldn't hear anything for the first time in almost a week, and tears of relief that he wasn't hating on you now that he was seeing you again were on the verge of falling down on your steaming cheeks ; however, you repelled them as you knew he'd get mad if you, the one who was actually making him suffer, dared to show sorrow when you had done this to the two of you in the first place.

"You came because you heard I was coming?" his phone speaker relayed his salty message and you rolled your eyes, not spotting how his mouth turned down in disapproval at what had seemed like your nonchalance.

"I came here as a patient too" you answered frankly, crossing your arms on your chest.

Mark chuckled and you dared to eye him again, his smile giving you the chills and constricting your already hurting throat, so you coughed your embarrassment away.

*She's got no shame I swear- You're doing unwell? You? But you were really well all this time when you were scheming this shit so what's going on now, poor girl?*

Bingo.

"I can hear you, y'know" you provoked him this time, feeling hurt in the end by what you had expected to happen, because he would never understand you were actually here for him and not for you, or more accurately, he would never let you tell him about it.

Mark almost cursed at you out loud and you saw his body jolt at your bold confession, before he leaned back in his chair with another long sigh escaping his rosy lips your eyes suddenly fell for again, gazing at them without blinking.

"And no, I wasn't okay with doing this but I just couldn't help it-" you interrupted yourself with a sigh, your pupils going back to his own that were sending a jaded stare. "Whatever, you wouldn't trust me no matter what I'll say."

You quickly had given up on justifying yourself, the guilt evidently twisting your tongue as you knew no excuses could truly make up for how betrayed he felt.

*Exactly. I don't wanna know, I don't care. And no, I don't trust you. How can someone like you can even talk about trust? Do you hear yourself?* he thought while looking at you expectantly, wishing you could hear him this time as well, being too lazy to transcribe his running thoughts.

Mark had accumulated a lot of contradictory feelings during the past few days, and now that he shared the same space and oxygen as you, his mind was telling him to address you in the coldest way he could, the resentment suddenly being dominant ; yet, his heart was crying internally as it was desperate for an explanation, anything, that could make him trust you again. That could make him forgive himself to have fallen for you. That could give him an excuse to still like you and still see something more in you even in this instant.

"I'm sorry, Mark. I really am, I…"

Three words were pending at the edge of your soggy tongue. I like you. I really like you, I've always liked you.

All of a sudden, your nose began to itch as well as your shivering eyelids, some waterworks rolling down your face but you quickly brushed them in hopes he wouldn't catch them ; however, he did. His heart tightened at the mere sight of your suffering once again, but in accordance with his intern contradiction, the blonde also felt incredibly annoyed to be affected by your well-being.

*She did me wrong! How much weaker did I get to continue feeling like this towards her? Less than a piece of shit? What the hell is wrong with me?!*

Unfortunately for him, those distressed thoughts caused you to cry wholeheartedly this time and you really got ready to leave, hands on the armrests to lift your wobbly-self up, when you remembered that distance no longer could save you from this infernal situation.

"Stop crying, would you?" his phone speaker told you and you looked up to him.

"Should I? I was hoping you'd feel satisfied at the sight and stop thinking so hard about me, stop hurting because of me, stop whatever's bothering you with me" you straightly retorted while wiping your face again, your fingertips trembling on your skin as much as your voice that stroke his heart.

*Do you think it's that easy?* he scoffed in his head and his face broke into a mere smile before he poked his cheek with his tongue annoyingly. *Yeah, I truly hope you're feeling guilty for what you've done to me, because that's the least you can do.*

But still, I'm not into sadism, so no, seeing you cry doesn't do me any good…, he tried to appease his budding rage, remembering the wise words of the unknown back on Saturday night as they were the only leitmotiv he was hanging onto so he wouldn't lose his mind.

Be stronger. It'll go away. Calm down. *She's not worthy of your attention.* Calm d-

"Do you really care about what I think or feel about this situation?" you shrugged lazily, his killing stare at you making you reply back instantly as it was absorbing your mind control as well. "Because you won't give me a chance to explain myself nor accept my apologies anyway so…"

Your frustration had spoken for itself, because you were reminded of his melancholic thoughts about you, how he missed you more than he despised you, his issues making your heart soft and vulnerable, and your arms tensed as they were craving to surround his neck and bring your lips to his.

He was so close yet so far, and this push-and-pull situation was going all the way up to attack your nerves, unravelling your desperate want to win his feelings back instead of telling you to lie low as any guilty person should.

*Are you really turning this against me right now? Are we really having this kind of conversation?* Mark got offended as he redressed himself in his chair, making you shy away in yours as you pushed your back further against the wall.

"That's right, I shouldn't have said that, you're the good one here…" you acquiesced with an absent-minded smile pulling at the corner of your lips, your eyes glued to the ground that was blurred by the few pearls of water stuck to your eyelashes. "I know you don't want to hear it, but I swear I'm sincerely sorry about what happened…"

What happened is that I like you now, so *who's to blame in the end, huh? You, or the fool?* Mark regretted as your few words had been able to ease his pain at least a little, showing him he cared about your apologies when he wished he wouldn't.

He couldn't quite decipher what you could hear from what you couldn't, so he only breathed out while shaking his head from the left to the right in defeat, before looking away from your problematic figure in front of him, towards the corridor ending in the magical door from which you both hoped you'd come out in a little less distraught state than now.

The room fell into a thick silence sometimes interrupted by your sniffling or his deep breathing breaking into a sigh, your gaze at each other never meeting as you did your best at avoiding it, still neither of you had the true will to step out. It was as if the tension was attracting your bodies to one another like magnets, keeping them at this safe yet uncomfortable distance.

*… How I wish I had never let myself get interested by her. Everything before her was simpler.* Mark was trying to convince himself as he brushed his fair hair with his ringed and elegantly long fingers, revealing the wrinkles on his forehead as his brows were knotted in confusion.

Your eyes finally found each other and you bit at your bottom lip, accepting his regrets even if they scattered your being, and another time, you wanted to disappear by vanishing from the room right here right now, so that he'd feel at peace. Well, would he really stop thinking about you?

*But was it even better? Was I, without her? I don't know anymore. Shit, you're probably hearing me again, aren't you?* he wondered with his dark eyes scanning your flustered face.

"How I wish I had other words to tell you how I never meant to do you wrong" you hinted at the answer.

*Stop apologizing Y/N, I beg you, you're not having me with this bullshit and those pleading eyes, you said it yourself* he laughed sarcastically in his head while defying you with his pupils that shined with irritation once again.

Calm down. That's it, smile.

The sorrier you felt, the more he wanted to believe in you ; but he just couldn't do this to himself, he couldn't let love do this to himself when it had deceived him so bad. Also, he couldn't find easiness in your eyes that looked at him somehow lovingly, as he only saw his fears of getting trapped into his feelings for you when he was trying to win over them.

*Don't look at me like that.*

Your cheeks got filled with blood but your stare didn't drop under his stern voice. His order resembled a pled, and Mark gulped as he was trying hard not to fall deeper for your face and its perfect details he despite him had been scared of forgetting every time he had thought of it – every single day that is to say.

"Then what can I do? What do you need me to do so you'd feel better? I-I'll just do it! That's all I want and ever wanted!" you rushed in a desperate tone, your heart screaming at you to make up for what you had done, at all costs and by all means before you wouldn't meet ever again.

But you shouldn't have asked what he wasn't able to answer, as it was the most sensitive part in Mark's inner conflict about you. That was the black hole in his universe of wonderings about your sincerity, that he couldn't fill with any fitting solution which would stop the happiness you had procured him from getting sucked up. That was the heart of the matter : did he need you in or out of his life to feel better?

*But you can't do ANYTHING! You put us into this situation, I have to deal with it, so deal with too! That's it, I hate you so much right now! You're here crying when you're responsible for it! I fucking hate your crying face! I can't bear to see it, you hear me? Look at what you've done to me! Look where I am because of you! I'm seeing my psychiatrist because of you! Because you're eating my brain!*

Mark was breathing loudly again, his fists clenched on his thighs while the veins on his temples and going down his long neck had popped out. He couldn't explain his sudden switch of emotions, from a faint irritation to an explosive one, and he slammed his back against his chair in frustration, but with his eyes still locked on yours. He was so confused in the midst of his mixed feelings that he felt like losing it.

Had he just imagined himself kissing you angrily, right after having shouted internally at you?

He definitely wasn't loathing you, but he was loathing himself for having been unable to stay faithful to the pain and disgust you had put him through once he had landed his eyes on you again. As your conversation had unwound, his divided heart and mind finally accorded themselves on one point : the one that deep down, he already knew he was wanting you in his life, not to reject you forever.

Why couldn't he just ignore you and move on?

You were quivering and your head had started to spin under that flood of sentences that had invaded your skull, and your eyes grew wide open, letting Mark know you had heard everything. He let out a shaky laugh just as he had back in his bedroom, his heartbeat being so up-tempo that he believed the bloody organ would explode sooner or later just like a time bomb.

How come you were able to peel it to its deepest, making him confess over and over again his feelings for you even through words that were supposed to be filled with hatred? He knew you knew, however, you knew he didn't know you were feeling exactly the same for him, if not more.

I fucking like you too and I am going crazy because of you too.

But you left your mouth shut, as you clearly couldn't claim his love nor his understanding anymore. He was right, you had to endure it, twice more than him, or surely thrice.

"Well Mark you're here too? Without any appointment? Y/N was supposed to be my last patient, but come along as well!" a familiar voice suddenly cut through the palpable tension and both of your heads snapped towards Woodam who was standing at the entrance of the waiting room, an amused smile plastered on his face.

"Wait what?"

*Is that a fucking joke*

"You're each other's problem, so let's try to solve it in one go" he shrugged with his witty eyes going back and forth between Mark and you, both having your mouth agape.

"How-"

Woodam's frank chuckle cut you through your perplexed interrogation.

"I saw it from the way you were looking at each other the second I approached. You guys didn't even notice me or the previous patient coming out! So come on, both of you!"

Mark and you shared an unsatisfied look before following behind the psychiatrist, each one of you rummaging through your thoughts as this simple declaration sounding too damn well like the truth had made your hearts turn somehow warm. How exactly had you been looking at each other?

                                               Mark took over the famous leather sofa, while you had to go behind your usual desk to take out your personal chair and place it in front of Woodam's office, the furthest possible from the blonde guy who grabbed the writing tools your godfather was handing him.

"I can't do this if he's here" you spoke up solemnly, your eyes supplying the latter desperately, but his quiet laugh indicated you that your request was done for.

"I can't do this if she's here" Mark had written as well, and that's what had made Woodam chuckle in the first place.

You rapidly turned your head towards the fake-mute, who agitated gladly the paper before your two eyes with a hypocrite smile.

"Well I'm not a couple therapist anyway, but I still think we can manage to solve at least a bit of your concerns if you hear yourselves out before being alone with me" your godfather sighed. "And I know what you're realizing right now Mark, but let me be clear : I don't care that she's my niece, she came to consult me and so did you so I'll hear you both out equally, without prejudices"

Mark slowly nodded as he once again faced the talent of perception this doctor had, never failing to hit the right spot without it being expressly exposed to him.

"I still don't want to talk if he's here. I'm embarrassed enough that you know about… Us…"

*Oh because there was an us? Sorry I didn't know, thought I was a toy or something* Mark bitched and when he spotted your look at him from the corner of your eye, he chuckled discretely.

Nothing could stop him and his sassiness anymore, as it was his only shell against your powerful influence on him, and you weren't glad to come across the Mark that had leapt you out of your usual patience the first time you had been reunited in this room.

"Could you please stop making assumptions?! Oh my God I-" you started with your hands up in objection and your eyes shut.

"Y/N, I didn't say anything." Woodam interfered with a serious look that made your hot blood from the frustration at Mark's thoughts turn incredibly cold the second you reopened your eyelids to acknowledge your godfather, and you bit the interior of your cheek. "Wait- Does he know?"

Oops, you had flared up way too hastily and with way too much carelessness once again, betraying your latest secret – or more accurately burden – in no time. You didn't recognize yourself, as you had always been prudent with your actions and words, up till Mark. Love could definitely make one go crazy… You hadn't planned to tell Woodam that you had blown up all his and your parents' hard work at protecting you, at least not like that, and the deep tone of his voice had proved you it had been the right decision.

Mark chuckled another time before writing busily, his hands shaking as he immediately knew what Woodam had been referring to.

"So you know she can hear thoughts and you invite her to your cabinet? She can violate every patient's intimacy and you're okay with that? Or maybe you're using that to make it seem like you know what's up with us? What's wrong with you people?"

You had heard every single word that he had laid on his now almost crumpled sheet as he was holding it in a tensed grasp, and your heart burst at all his wrong and hurtful interrogations. You were about to refute each one of them, but Woodam held his hand up as he knew you and your impulsions as if he was your own father. He then got closer to his desk and looked at the both of you with some kind of tenderness in his eyes, a look that made you want to cry as you felt even more unworthy of this man's kindness.

"Was she there the first day we met and even the following times, Mark?" he simply asked.

The blonde's brows furrowed and he frowned as he didn't even have to think back of the answer he knew to be a no, and he somehow felt displeased to be at a loss of words before your godfather, once more.

"I guess you know the answer, yet didn't I got close to the problem without her? Y/N is my niece, and I'm the only one, besides her parents and unfortunately you, now, to know her secret. They came to me because well, I'm not doing my job that badly I think, so they asked for my help. And I tried to help. I'm still trying to help. But never did I use her talents to do what I have to do, and never has she intended to do so. You might not see it now, and I understand you, but that thing is more of a burden for her than anything else. I'm teaching her to control it thanks to the few things I know from my studies and experience, sometimes even from the Internet, but if you think that lowly of me, you can step out right now" he explained calmly, each one of his sentences picked up with caution and cutting deep through Mark's mistrust as he now felt sorry towards him too.

Seeing that Mark wasn't moving, his eyes lowering to his feet, Woodam nodded in satisfaction before turning his head to you.

"So a crush is all it takes for you to spill it out, hm?"

You didn't know if he was teasing you or scolding you, so you lowered your head and your bust to apologize, your guilt taking over the embarrassment coming from him exposing your – even if evident – feelings for Mark right for his two ears to savor. And secretly, the concerned felt hot flames drool on his body as he had heard what he had wished to be true, even if it came from the mouth of someone else : you liking him, for real.

"I'm sorry." you only muttered, your tears threatening to come out as the memories of all his time spent advising you with consideration were passing right before your two eyes.

"I'm not mad, Y/N. I'm just… Worried. How come you have told him? I just want to understand, you've always been so careful."

You had so much to say, but how would Mark hear it or take it? You hesitated as you played nervously with your fingers between your legs, then you finally straightened yourself to face the unpleasing situation you were responsible for anyway.

Mark's heartbeat was once again going over its capacities and the boy almost whined as he felt like puking, the anticipation of your answer knotting his stomach. If he had hated the idea of sharing the same room as you in the first place, he was now the most attentive and interested spectator. Maybe Woodam's questions would put an end to his own and set him free from his attraction to you?

"I just had to tell him, because my worries went further than where they would have been if I hadn't heard some things. I couldn't help but hear him, Woodam" your voice was trembling as Mark's stare coming from your right was scorching every cell of your skin. "I couldn't stop it like we learned, and what's worse now is that I…"

You nibbled at your lower lip before brushing your face with your two hands, and you did your best to counter Mark's strong aura next to you that would have deported your body towards the exit like a coward.

*What could be worse than that* he thought on a still sarcastic tone, when in fact he was scared to death of what else you could possibly have done to him, scared to be hurt twice as he wasn't sure he could take the pill this time – had he even digested the first one?

"I can hear him all the time, Woodam, and I'm tired. I don't wanna hear him anymore, I've done enough wrong. But distance does nothing to it, and I don't understand, I want it to stop I can't go on like this"

Your head fell as well as your shoulders, and you perceived the sound of Mark standing up pretty brutally next to you, the leather chair grating against the floor.

*What do you mean you can hear me all the time?!* his panicked voice froze you into your seat.

You hated this tone. You hated to hear him lose his mind because of you and what you were made of, and that's all you had been doing for almost a week. Your need to cry was urgent so you looked up to the ceiling, not even landing your eyes on Mark who, on the contrary, couldn't stop staring at you with horror.

"Mark, sit down please" Woodam invited him along with a move of his hand.

With squinted eyelids, the boy did as told as in fact his heart didn't want him to leave this room unless it'd feel at ease, from anything to fit as a remedy, would it be you killing the rest of it.

"I think it's another evolution, Y/N, we haven't faced this one yet. But… How should I put this?" your godfather pondered while rubbing his hands against each other. "I think that, unfortunately, your own feelings are what influences it. Sometimes it helps you duct it when you care about someone, but this time it's the reverse, because you feel…"

"Fucking guilty." you sobbed, two pearls of water tracing straight corridors down your cheeks, and you blinked a few times to chase the followings away.

"I was about to say "things for Mark", actually" Woodam corrected, and your heart dropped in the pit of your stomach while your ears became hotter than the sun itself.

*So you knew what you did was bad, but you still let yourself come close to me? You really are something else, are you a sadist? When you like someone you love to do them wrong, is that it? That's your thing?*

Mark knew you could hear him as you finally turned your body to him, your eyes suddenly shining with anger, and he somehow felt intimidated under your stare. But he couldn't prevent his mixed feelings from shaking him from one side to another, one where he felt sorry for you and for treating you like this because he could definitely hear your sincerity – even if he refused to see it –, and the other where his sense of betrayal was still igniting a fire within his guts.

"Well did you ever think that I did what I did because I DO LIKE YOU and I thought I could help you thanks to this, once again because I DO LIKE YOU?! And you, why are you not really hating me if you're claiming to do so? Why are you not throwing me out of your life when you said "screw you" to me? Because if you really did, I wouldn't be hearing your thoughts right now! Not a single thing! And that would be perfect, you could live your life and I could live my own, so what's happening? I know I cheated, I KNOW, so I don't want to hear you because I don't want to do you wrong anymore, you know that? I DON'T WANT TO, I'M TIRED!" you finally confessed shamelessly, breathing having been an option more than a vital obligation, to the point your head felt like it was inflating like a balloon.

*Wait is it my fault again?! Is this a fucking joke?!* Mark pierced you with two wide-opened eyes that supported your furious gaze.

Yet his justified indignation and pain didn't bring you back to the reality and didn't shut your mouth this time, as you were really as exhausted as you claimed. This vicious circle was sucking up all your patience, and everything you had wished to pour out before him as a last goodbye was coming out of your mouth but twisted with rage, as his words were hurting you more than you thought they would.

You had thought you could take it as you had thought you deserved them, but on the other side, your knowledge of his shared feelings for you was pushing you over the edge. If he liked you as much as he seemed to, why couldn't you win his forgiveness? Weren't you worth it? Were you that devilish?

"Stop thinking about me, forget about me, hate on me, I know I deserve it! I'm not someone worth of your attention, am I?!" you shouted desperately, nothing to stop you now that you had started.

*You must be kidding me! Are you always that self-centered? Did I ever say I needed you? Did I ever wish for you to get close to me? I never asked anything from you. You decided to do whatever you wanted, because you're fucking selfish!*

"So I'm imagining things into my head when I hear your voice?" you replied instantly.

*Yes you are, you're fucking crazy. I'm not interested in you, not anymore. It was nothing to me. You're the one liking me so much you're messing up with whatever your power is. That's not my business* he pursued in his favorite aggressive tone, his fists clenching over the armrest as well as his jaw that could cut even the air.

"It IS when YOU wanted me to pay attention to you all night long at Johnny's party and you were whining about it to the point I was having a headache, it IS when YOU begged me to stay at your place and not to leave you behind and swearing there was more to it, it IS when YOU are thinking that you fucking miss me even this morning and I can hear every single bit of it!" you barked back, in a pure state of bliss as you were assisting to his perfect roleplay all over again, almost making you euphoric.

Mark's eyes widened quickly while his rib cage started to rise up and down powerfully, his loud breathing sounding like a background noise to you now that you were used to his way of containing his emotions. His cheeks and ears had turned red at you pointing out every piece of his heart he had left behind to prove himself wrong, and his lips parted but you didn't flinch under his darkening stare, your own defying any black holes up in the galaxy. Touché?

*I don't like you and I don't need you in my life, do you still hear me? I don't like you, I don't like anything about you because it's everything I hate. Is that enough? I can think of that all day long, if that's what I need to get you out of my head! That's not a problem!*

"So much time to grant a monster like me, thanks" you had the ending word and, somehow, as you weren't looking at elsewhere but him, you noticed that Mark's traits softened at your own pejorative designation.

Every single phrase you had just shared up till now spoke of the uncontrollable feelings you both couldn't admit, and if it was too hard at the moment to let them pave the way to an eventual reconciliation, each one of you was suddenly starting to think of how bad you wanted to kiss those painful events goodbye at the back of your messy heads, as your electric stares were slowly relocking your souls to each other.

Woodam knocked on his desk to interrupt this one-sided argument – at least from his point of view – and you flopped back on your chair, crying out loud for the second time in less than an hour. Mark's world was stopped, your blunt confession about your feelings for him still banging against his head walls and almost being the only thing he could remember, so that his irritation was already gone.

"Alright alright, everybody calm down" the psychiatrist spoke up quietly.

You were trembling in a devastating fury but you still managed to get up, the need to calm yourself down and away from Mark pulling at your body parts.

"You said that's because I like him?" you asked Woodam in a weak voice.

"That's what I think" the latter confirmed. "Sit down Y/N we're going to talk this out"

"No, you know what? If this is the problem, then I don't think anyone can fix this except myself. I should have thought of it sooner. So I'll fix my witch ass, I'll stop liking him or any other man who'll then be lucky enough to be spared from getting close to me, because it's just not okay to do this to someone. Look at what I've done, look. That's what I told you, I'm a witch, I'm a freaking monster. It can't be helped."

Mark didn't dare to land his eyes on you as you stormed out of the cabinet with huge footsteps, and once you closed the door, he let out a sigh before landing his elbows on his knees, the weight of this strong argument finally falling on his shoulders. He didn't feel okay nor pleased with what you had just said about yourself. He hadn't seen you like that even if terrible things had crossed his mind ever since you had dropped the bomb on him ; however he wasn't able to come after you.

What am I feeling, for God's sake? What do I want?

"Mark, let me ask you a question" his doctor suddenly shook him out of his thoughts, and the blonde merely nodded without acknowledging him, his head in his hands facing the ground.

"Did Y/N ever use her powers against you, like to hurt you?"

                                                        "It's your second pill in three hours already, could you slow down Y/N?" Jena asked you as you were gulping down the little white capsule with fresh water, your migraine not seeming to go away.

A new week had started and you were still hearing Mark's torments, and even if you could be happy about the diminution of the number of sentences per day, it appeared that your constant headache would only be satisfied by full silence. You couldn't even decipher what he was torturing himself about sometimes, his trail of thoughts messy, and you even had come to ask yourself if he hadn't been drunk two or three times since you had met at Woodam's cabinet.

But what was still standing out and shooting bullets at your void heart, was him longing for you. He was cursing himself because he kept on thinking about you and wondering what was right or wrong to feel, and you weren't relieved that he liked you back anymore. You were now hoping he'd forget about your awful person pretty soon, so that he'd lead an easier life and leave you to deal with the burden alone.

You were barely bearing yourself, continuously wishing you could switch bodies with someone who was living out of the dark depths of the untold feelings one could have ; who could love somebody without hurting them constantly, without betraying them, without terrifying them ; who could wake up in the morning and go to bed at night while wondering innocently about how his or her lover was doing, not being forced to face the fact that they had marked him or her with bruises taking a long time to heal.

"I didn't know you were subject to migraines…" Joon Hee doubted as she caressed slightly the top of your skull, with a smile as soft as her touch.

"I didn't know either, I think I'm tired because we're approaching the end of the semester" you tried to explain and your friends nodded silently, but their frowns still betrayed their worry about you.

"Your dark circles are really bad babe" Cho A confessed and all you did was let out a laugh as you couldn't agree more. "But what about I hide them with make up tonight, because we're going out!"

"We are? It's Wednesday though" you suspected, your brow arching before you laid your elbows on the campus' grass you were chilling on during a break.

"Yes, Jinyoung's hosting a party at the apartment tonight" Jena smiled and she threw her hands up before you as she saw you were about to growl. "Mark won't be there! He won't be there, don't worry, he's working until late"

You sighed and sat up properly, annoyed by the fact that your heart had hammered against your torso the second his name had slipped past her lips.

"I'm not going. Late means he'll still show up at some point and I don't want to see him, ever again." you rejected firmly, but Joon Hee grabbed your arm and shook your upper body gently.

"We didn't ask any questions because you didn't want us to, but I'm way too curious right now! Even the boys don't know anything, Mark won't talk! All we know is you're both looking like messes, so what happened in the end?!" she moaned while bending forward to catch your stare as you tried to escape this interview.

"I did him wrong and he can't forgive me and he's right, that's it" you resumed, your eyes becoming hot and you almost cursed at yourself out loud as you assumed they wanted to spill water, again.

"I know you Y/N, we all know you, and you wouldn't hurt a fly. I'm fine with ignoring what's going on between the both of you talking about it is uncomfortable for you, it's his loss! Anyway, you're coming! Forget about him for a while and have some fun tonight, with us, hm?" Jena tried to cheer you up, ending with a pout, which made your sullen face broke into a smile. "He won't be there, his friends are nice and I made them promise not to mention him, so please?"

"You said it yourself, it's almost the end of the semester, we have to enjoy before we'll have to study for the exams" Cho A added lazily as she nudged you.

You knew your body and mind would only thank you if you granted them the right to let it go after having used them to lynch and neglect yourself for almost two weeks. How come your friends were always so good at convincing you with poor arguments, even when your intuition was telling you it wouldn't be as perfect as they claimed it would be? Mark lived there so at any hour of the night, you would end up meeting him, and the worse would come out of it.

"We can go once he shows up" Joon Hee offered. "I'll drive you home! Just come a little bit, you need to cool off"

You sighed loudly so they knew that such an exhalation of air was the signal of their victory, and you were embedded into a group hug that soothed your sorrowful heart.

"I'll go the second I see him, even if it's not past midnight" you mumbled into the embrace and they laughed at your grumpy self.

"Deaaaaal" they sung altogether, freeing you from their love with mischievous smiles plastered on their lips.

                                   Two hours or so later.

           You had finally immerged yourself into the party, the dancefloor becoming yours to chase your worries away and the laughs your extra-caring group of friends were giving you helping to forget about Mark for a while. You were surprised by how empty your eardrums had been since you had entered the flat, the music deliciously flowing into them instead, as if the girls had been right about this alternative to make you feel better – in other words to duct your power.

But you should have known better, that your intuition had been the right one just like when it had whispered to you no to go to the dinner last time. Because as you were waiting for Joon Hee to pour you some drinks, your eyes abruptly halted on his silhouette at the back of the living room, and he was staring right back at you.

For how long had he been standing there? You hadn't seen him come through the front door nor crossed his path in this room that wasn't big enough for you to avoid each other forever. How come you noticed him just now?

Mark was wearing a white tank top under an oversized red checkered shirt, and a ripped pair of black jeans. His hair was styled up neatly, but his face had seemed to dug itself, and when his gaze finally dropped a few inches down but not on your own body, you realized he wasn't standing there alone.

                         "Hi, you're Mark, right?" a member of the student council had asked him, with her hair dyed in a soft foxy tone and a pretty black ensemble to embrace her perfect proportions.

You observed their interaction with caution, Mark's eyes going back and forth between your face and hers as he sipped on his something-and-soda mix Jackson had brought him earlier, and you saw him nod at her with a weak smile.

"I'm Hansun, I think we shared the same classes back when you were at the uni" the redhead smiled back as she laid her shoulder against the wall he had been glued to in the dark.

Mark had never went to work ; he had just been hiding in his room with his own bottles of soju to empty, until he had felt tipsy enough to socialize, a few moments after you had arrived. Inevitably, his pupils had found your back merely hidden by your long blouse, his mouth turning dry at the sight, and he had pushed himself at the corner of the room where no spotlight was targeting him and where you wouldn't catch him in this mess of bodies, just to look freely at you.

She's beautiful.

She's so beautiful.

And I missed her.

Not a single insult, not a single hurtful thought had slipped from his mind as he had stared at you in some kind of awe, his heart a little bit appeased by the alcohol he had ingurgitated on his own. It had been three days since he had started to drink in secret in the evenings, chosing to interrupt his brain functions by soaking them, as his sober mind was definitely unable to suppress the image of you.

Alcohol indeed made him feel stronger, because it blurred your face and freed him from any pain, and thanks to the good and dreamless nights of sleep it ensured, he had been able to put up with work and with the boys without being suspected – at least he thought so, because his friends were more than aware of his situation. He knew what he did was the most pitiful thing he had inflicted upon himself in his life, still he found that easy way pretty convenient, at least for now.

He hadn't been able to answer Woodam's tricky question. No, you had never hurt him with your knowledge of his inner demons ; but still, he was scared to trust you right now, so what should he do? He had no fucking clue. So cowardly, he had chosen the path of masquerade and oblivion the liquor traced before him, because thinking about a solution had become too much to ask.

Mark nodded once again as he vaguely remembered that cute Hansun, his eyes scanning her lips that were appealing, with their pretty grape tint.

"Ooooh so you're really as quiet as they said?" she wondered, a sly smile moving her mouth and Mark licked his own at the sight.

Right before him was standing another way to stop thinking about you ; why wouldn't he jump at the occasion? Seeing how amused – and seemingly fired up – the girl was by his disablement, Mark repeated the up-and-down motion of his head, slowly, his eyes finally finding hers even in the dim light. More than her flushed cheeks he had seen the second she had been close enough to him, her eyelids that fell heavily were giving her look something glassy, sign that she was more than tipsy.

"I kinda like mysterious boys you know, I'm tooootally fine with doing all the talking… At least if they know how to use their body" she winked before laughing nervously and Mark laughed quietly with her, amazed by her straightforward invitation to take him under his own blankets. "Just joking!"

This time, there was no buddy to push him into the arms of a female distraction ; it was his own doing, his own choice, and Mark momentarily felt happy about it as he finally was turned on by a total stranger after a while, with his long eyelashes covering the lust that was circling his pupils as he devoured his bait with them.

Little did he know that this lust was only a mirage masking his strong desire to forget about you, betraying the fact that he kept on… Thinking about you, no matter what.

                         "That's it, I'm going" you said in a strained voice, without the need to bore into his burning gaze to get what was bound to happen between the both of them.

You had finally found the answer as to why you hadn't been able to catch a single murmur of his voice : he was starting to move on. It had seemed absurd even for yourself at first, as a few minutes before entering the apartment, you had been struck by his deep voice. However, now that you had had a few drinks and you had spotted him with another woman and a smile on his lips, you couldn't help but think of the worst case.

Jackson, who had been standing near you, caught your reddening stare at his best friend and he immediately made his way behind you as you started to slalom through the sweating bodies, the jealousy and the panic urging you to storm out the room.

"Y/N no no no wait a minute don't go!" Jackson exclaimed over the music and Mark's head snapped up at the faint sound of your name, his eyes searching for you above the crowd but failing to find you as you already were reaching the main door, not even responding to the girls' interpellations.

"I'm going! Don't touch me Jackson, please!" you suddenly vent out as you pushed his hand that had landed on your shoulder away.

"What's going on Y/N?" Jena asked as your group of friends joined the Chinese boy before you, followed by Jinyoung and Jaebum.

"I told you I'll go the second he'll show up, he's here, so I'm out" you tried to explain the calmer you could and with a cynic smile, but your heart was pounding loudly as the image of him and her was still flashing into your head, making you closer to losing it.

You were jealous, dead jealous, like it wasn't permitted to be and you had no right to be, so you better be gone, and quickly.

"No, don't go... I invited you because I wanted you to be there with us, Y/N, so stay. You know, he asked me earlier if you were coming and I told him the truth, and he still went out of his room... He's not willing to avoid you tonight apparently, but you just can ignore him and stay" Jinyoung said in a calm tone, and you got knocked out by his confession.

"I thought we promised him that we wouldn't say this to her…" Jackson mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck, feeling guilty to betray his best friend.

"Of course he doesn't want to avoid me, he's happy to show me he's going to have a nice fuck tonight!" you let your frustration out, before a bell rang into your mind. "Wait, what did you just say? What do you mean he went out of his room?"

Suddenly, the boys looked at each other and they frowned as they realized they had just betrayed the little trap they seemed to have plotted against the both of you.

"I knew it. I knew you would do this, all of you! Don't lie to me Jinyoung-ah! You invited me because you knew he wouldn't be at work! You wanted us to meet no matter what!" you shouted with clenched fists, not even caring about the curious eyeing of the people roaming around your small reunion.

"Y/N we-"

"Did you know about this? Did any of you know? And don't you dare to lie to me as well" you growled at your group of friends and interrupted Jackson's explanation, the unpleasant sensation of betrayal infiltrating your body that started to shiver.

"No we didn't, I swear!" Jena immediately answered in their defense, then harshly kicking the tibia of her boyfriend that hissed in pain while jumping on one foot.

You hurriedly read the shock and confusion on the girls' faces and chose to believe them, but you still had to go, by hook or by crook.

"We're sorry Y/N, but we truly believe this is the right thing to do! He's a complete mess ever since the dinner, and the girls told us you were too! You're not okay being apart! Please stay and try to sort things out with him?" Jackson tried again as he ceased your shoulders and brought you face to face with him.

You were burning with rage so you dismissed him pretty violently, definitely triggered by his explanation that was the clumsiest he could have chosen. They were asking you to do exactly what you had tried to do at the cabinet a few days ago, when it had resulted in a complete disaster. And here they were claiming they were doing the best thing for him and you? What did they even know?

"And why should I be the one to do that?! You've seen him, he's all good having a chat with a girl! Why didn't you wonder if I'm the reason why he's doing worse? Did it ever cross your mind that it might hurt him even more to see me? Why do you meddle with something you don't even know about!"

Every one of them was avoiding your accusing stare wandering from a face to another, before the girls stepped closer to you with an apologetic expression. Your trembling chin was telling you that you were about to cry while your heart was asking you to run away the fastest you could, yet your feet were stuck to the ground now that you were aware of his physical presence between the same four walls as yours, instead of just his voice knocking against the ones of your head.

"If you go now, he'll know that's because of what he's doing and he'll think he's won everything when in fact he's just losing, Y/N. He's playing stubborn right now but we all know you're the one he likes" Jinyoung spoke up diligently but the look he earned from you felt like a barrel of guns was aiming at him.

"He already knows, and he always wins. I'm not in the right to stay, okay? He's better off without me" you concluded as you finally turned away from them, only to bump into a strong torso, and you heard a familiar laugh coming from above you.

"Heyyyyy guys! Y/N, where do you think you're going like that? I've barely arrived!" Johnny exclaimed as he landed his huge hand on your arm.

"I-"

"No no, noooo excuses, just come with me and let's have a talk!"

                              Before anyone could add anything, Johnny was pulling you and taking you straight towards the bar where he asked someone to pour himself a great mixture, refusing to let go of you.

"What's happening, sweetie?" the tall boy asked you, but you were not in the mood to laugh or talk, and that's what he was the best at.

"Johnny I'm sorry but I'm leaving, we'll see each other tomorrow we can eat together I don't know but I really need to go now" you ranted as you put your hand above his grasp, but your friend didn't budge.

"Wanna make him jealous too?" he suddenly offered before tasting the cocktail his friend had concocted, a sigh of contentment then leaving his lips and tinting the air with a sweet scent, and you looked at him with doe-like eyes. "He's the one you kissed last time, isn't he? I saw the two of you, and now he's back there with a girl. I guess that's why you're so pressed to go" he nodded to himself as his squinted eyes had landed on Mark, and your jaw fell at his sense of… Observation.

"I can't even deny" you admitted in a breath, making Johnny chuckle as he led you a few steps away from the bar.

"I've got eyes Y/N, that's all" he shrugged with a smile, his hand going down to squeeze your wrist gently before freeing it, and you gazed at him suspiciously.

"Seems like you're spying on me but well" you mumbled while crossing your arms, this discussion slowly switching your mood to an excited and curious one more than a raging one.

"Maybe I am… So, wanna make him jealous or not?" the brown-haired boy reiterated and you nudged him, almost causing an accident for his cup that would have kissed the ground hadn't it been for his large hands that caught it quickly.

"We're not 12 anymore Johnny, that's what people do in middle school" you scoffed, a smile finally gaining your lips even when your eyes were going back and forth between the man in front of you and the one at the back whose strong aura should have warned you of his presence way sooner.

"And? I'm pretty sure that's what he's trying to do, and I'm pretty sure you've missed my lips too" he said as he wriggled his eyebrows with a smirk you wanted to wipe off his face.

"Ya! We barely shared a peck and it was a long time ago!" you protested in a whine.

You both let out a laugh as Johnny had reminded you of when you had been in the same class back in middle school, you having a crush on him and him asking you out only to date you for three days, just like he had done with every single girl in the playground – even his noonas. You had been great buddies that were more than classmates even after he had dumped you, then you had went to different high schools, before getting reunited in this huge university. You had had a great time catching up during year one, and turned out to be pretty good friends now – he had been the one introducing you to Cho A, actually.

"I remember you were head over heels for me, what happened?" he continued his teasing, his facial expression turning to an innocent one.

"All the girls were!"

"That's right… Anyway I wouldn't mind "pecking" you again, just wondering if you can kiss better after growing up so well" he specified suddenly with his eyes lowering on your lips, and your heart skipped a beat as he was smiling without a veil of humor or mockery falling before his traits this time.

*Her oblivious-self will take it as a joke, as always, perfect…* you unfortunately heard his regret, being the first thought other than Mark's that was welcomed by your ears after so long, and you almost gasped.

Johnny liked you?

"Thanks for the offer, but no, I won't belittle myself to that like him, and I won't grant your flirty ass, I'm too pure" you laughed your confusion out and his chanting chuckle accompanied yours, even soothing you.

"Alright alright! Then just stay, and drink with me? With us?" Johnny proposed once more, leveling his glass up before your smiling lips and agitating it to lure you with the fruity smell suggesting its sweet taste.

With a heavy heart, you snapped your head towards where Mark had been standing like a tree, only for your eyes to meet with an empty and dark corner. Were they gone to do the undoable?

Your panicked wondering wasn't left in suspension though, as someone opened the fridge's door in the opened-kitchen at the other side of the living room, its light attracting your stare that fell on the blonde's checkered back as he was digging between the full shelves, only to seize two soju bottles in each one of his hands. Then, in a lazy pace, he traced his way towards his bedroom without even glancing at you.

And if the suspicious number of drinks he had picked up and his more than suspicious destination had been about to make you bawl your eyes out and run to him to bruise his thin body with unstopping punches until you'd be left out of energy, the muting of the music in your ears helped you cool off, as it left the place to that sound.

That very sound you had missed, the sound that had kept you hoping for him to come back as its frequencies had spoken of how much he liked you too until tonight : his deep and somber voice finally manifested itself.

*Me? Thinking of you? You wish. Never again. I'm peeeeeerfectly fine right now, look at me. I don't give a fuck about you. Zero fucks given. Zeroooo!*

The second he had left the company of his distraction, Mark had fallen back into the contemplation of his unaccepted feelings for you. You were glad that this alternate explanation finally showed up to you, the one that maybe he hadn't been thinking of you just because he had been able to focus on something else than his pain for a while. And what warmed up even more your heart that had frozen ever since you had been struck by his voice again, was your sight of the girl now dancing with her group of friends on the dancefloor instead of walking in Mark's steps towards his bedroom.

"So? What do you say?" Johnny spoke up before emptying his cup, and you finally ripped off your stare from the corridor where your loving eyes had followed Mark's skinny silhouette before it had blended in the dark, to acknowledge your friend.

The first and last time you had been at a party with Mark around, had turned out to be one of your best memories but still tainted with your tears. Was it reasonable of you to tempt the devil by recreating the situation again? But was it reasonable of you to go against your heart that was expecting something to happen tonight despite your oath of leaving Mark's sight?

*Nope, I don't give a fuck. I don't Y/N. Or maybe I should? Can you hear me? Should you hear how much of a mess I am tonight? Should I think of your shitty doing? Will you still have a nice time with that friend of yours tonight?*

"Tsssk, you've got no shame to be jealous…" you mumbled lowly, rolling your eyes at his childish behavior due to his drunkenness that you knew too damn well.

Still, a smile crept up at the corner of your lips as you forgot about your guilt and your first motive that had brought you close to the exit, replaced by a deep satisfaction that Mark was showing interest in you and the boys you got close to.

"Hm?" Johnny asked with his brows up on his forehead.

*Should I give you a headache, hm? I'm having a headache because of you, let's share! It's not fair, right? You said that you'd take all the responsibility! You said you were sorry! So why am I the one like that? Why did you seem fine, huh?*

Mark was apparently planning to nag at you for a few moments more and had you went back home, you wouldn't have had the chance to minimize it by spending time with your friends and blur it with alcohol, as you would have faced another round of panic attacks and survivals against craziness.

"Fine, I'll stay a bit more" you then shrugged, and you were surprised by Johnny's strong arm that headlocked you immediately before he dragged you back to the bar.

"Yeeeeah! I'm such a good negotiator… Listen, if you wanna go, just tell me anytime and I guarantee that I'll be your taxi, that's your reward" he then smiled into your ear as you had straightened up against his side, and you only nodded thankfully, your cheeks getting hot at his closeness as you now knew about his attraction to you.

                                                            "YES! I WON!" you exclaimed joyfully as you were sitting on Jinyoung's bedroom's floor with the very owner of this counter-party's location, the girls, and some members of the student council.

You had been playing whatever alcohol games you could do with cards sprawled on the wood flooring, and you were amazed at how well you had escaped most of the penalties because you were the only one remaining at the border between tipsy and drunk, all the other players already having fallen to the other side.

Mark's whining had not lasted long, your efficient choice of entertainment and him being too intoxicated for you to follow his string of mumblings having helped you to push it aside as a background noise into your head. All you knew by now was that he wasn't sleeping, as you still caught some curses or growls every few minutes, but they only meandered through one ear and slipped out from the other, at least until-

*Y/NNNNNNNN* he suddenly moaned loudly into your head as you were reaching the final round of your fourth game, and your body jolted in surprise.

You snapped your head towards the bedroom's door with your eyes and senses all alert for him again, waiting impatiently for his next signal.

*I'm about to do something stupid…*

After an hour of having played the indifferent ones and him grumbling nonsense from his cavern, the distress in his voice hit you like a train and you finally came to wonder if it had been a good idea to leave him with bitter alcohol to gulp down again and again on his own. He sounded like back at Johnny's party when he had needed you the most, and the souvenir sparkled with chills on your skin.

*I wanna stop this…*

*Why am I doing this?*

"Y/N, it's your turn" Johnny, who was sitting next to you and had been pretty tactile since game one without you being careful of it, gently shook your knee close to his so that you'd turn back to the game.

But you just couldn't, as like a boomerang slamming you right back in the face, your guilt towards Mark had surrounded your heart and mind that were paused while you fixed the slightly opened door separating your group from the heart of the party, as if the next sentence would come to you through it.

What was he talking about? Was he feeling bad because he had too much to drink? Should you go and check on him? Or was it the time for you to leave so that he won't feel uneasy knowing you were around anymore?

*Y/NNNNN…* his supplying voice shot right at your heart like a brisk arrow, and you quaked.

*If you can hear me, come and stop me please*

*Only you can stop me*

*I can't stop myself…*

Finally, you got reminded of something that pulled you up to your feet and dragged them to the living room, but in which you halted abruptly, your brain having a hard time to make a decision through the storm of panic you were swirling in.

*No don't come don't come don't come…*

*I can't see you, don't come…*

*That's because of you…*

His suicide attempt. All these aligning of words were pointing at this fatal issue, but the guilt that had become your second skin for two weeks was holding your guts back from pushing his bedroom's door, as you somehow – irrationally – feared that you could be the trigger to his desperate act if his eyes ever came to meet your silhouette.

*It's not worth it, why should I care*

*Let's finish this already*

"No!" you broke into hot and salty tears.

Your melted brain finally ignored all the scenarios it had been dressing into your head as your fright made you run all of a sudden, but your pace was still feeling way too slow as you wanted to reach him faster than the light. The apartment felt ten times bigger and you pushed past people without apologizing, your tears and your anxiety choking you as you were mumbling his name desperately, his voice having ceased to call for you.

You had been about to engage yourself into the corridor, but a strong grip turned you around and you faced a sweaty Jaebum that looked you over with averted eyes.

"Y/N don't go in he's-"

"Let go of me!" you screamed at him as you struggled to free yourself from his grasp.

"No I swear you shouldn't go Y/N listen to me-"

But you slapped his hand and instantly disappeared in the dark hallway, where the music suddenly turned lower and deafened. Your shuddering breath and your sobs became the only thing you could hear, yet you wanted to hear him. You approached his door on shivery legs, and an urge to puke burned at the back of your throat as you dreaded what you were going to find into this somber bedroom.

"Please please please no please…" you were praying as you gained some courage in spite of your drunken brain that amplified your state of panic and wronged your perception of the situation, making you far from rational.

"Y/N-" Jaebum had followed you, but it was too late for him to stop you as you were pressing the door knob and pushing the panel open, however you wished you had turned blind at the sight of the scene you were welcomed with, instead of letting your eyes adapt to the darkness taking over the room.

On the bed in which you both had shared an intimate and peculiar moment, Mark was in nothing but his tight black boxers that testified of his desire for the red-haired girl in her lingerie right under him, whose hands were stroking his torso, whose legs were at each side of his waist and whose lips were connected passionately to his. The sound of her moans and their sloppy kisses came stronger into your eardrums than any other noise you had heard during the night, and your waterworks stopped from sliding against your cheeks immediately, dried by the shock that electrocuted your brain.

"You gotta be kidding me!" you couldn't stop yourself from spitting at his naked back, and the blonde jumped on his knees in surprise before turning back to see who had interrupted them.

His world started spinning the second he deciphered your silhouette in the doorway, the residues of the spotlights' rays from the living room seeping through his bedroom and revealing how his facial expression decomposed itself, from a disapproving frown to a devastated look.

"Who's she?!" the girl suddenly whined as she grabbed the blankets to cover herself, but your eyes were stuck on him and him only.

Yet, her nosy voice managed to pierce through your bubble, and the only answer that could be given, was that you were no one. Yes, you were heartbroken, this carnal picture having torn your insides apart and cut your tongue, but you were not his girlfriend ; you were someone who owed him a big debt you couldn't repay except by letting him go, so you didn't have a say in this. You turned swiftly on your heels, taking a deep breath doing so, and you started to walk away.

*Y/N wait wait wait wait* you heard him call in despair again, without noticing how he poorly fell from the bed by trying to come after you, the ground seeming to shake and his legs giving up on him as they succumbed to his stress.

"Who the hell is she?! Hey! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! Mark!"

Yet Mark couldn't hear anything but his thumping heart that helped him pass his pair of jeans on his skinny legs and his white tank top over his chilly chest, and once he managed to get out of his bedroom, he spotted you at the end of the corridor, your pace having been slow as you were completely knocked out by what you had just witnessed.

*Y/N please* he pleaded with a shaky voice as he stumbled on his feet while running after you, and you didn't understand why you could still hear him.

Hadn't he traced a perfect line between the both of you by doing this? Wasn't it enough?

You recognized his touch the moment his long fingers enclosed around your forearm, and he walked around your standing figure to block your way. He hadn't zipped up his jeans, his hair was disheveled and his top completely wrinkled, but it was nothing compared to the chaos having broken in his head and trading over his facial features.

"Don't touch me." you warned him, your eyes sending him a jaded stare as you felt like your soul had been sucked up into the abyss of horror.

For the third time of the night, somebody was trying to hold you back and depriving you from your freedom, and you couldn't take it anymore. You needed to go, and right now, so you brutally shook him off and walked past him, thankful that his drunken brain was slow enough for you to escape him. Yet, the sight of your lifeless traits had felt like a cold shower falling on Mark, who successfully ceased your body part once again, making you switch your tone to a more aggressive one as you flip-flopped :

"Why are you coming after me? Who am I? Answer her, who am I? I'm nobody, so why are you there? Go back to your business!"

His eyes were gleaming with lining tears and his pupils were trembling as he shook his head from the left to the right, and you read how scared he was right now, probably because you weren't showing him anything. You even granted him a smile as you teared off his fingers from you this time, his arm falling next to his body while yours was burning because of the mere touch.

*Where are you going* he then chose to display with signs yet you heard it as he was in a complete state of despair, but you couldn't care less.

He then groped his whole body with pressed gestures, looking for his phone to deliver the message to you, and some waterworks prickled at the corner of your eyes as you saw how hard he was trying to stop you.

Your relationship or whatever people could call what you both shared was a complete mess, you hurting him, him hurting you ; you regretting, him regretting too ; you being scared to love someone because of what it made you do, him being scared to love because of what it made him feel ; and you wanted this vicious circle to stop. You were about to depart from him again but Mark's hand didn't miss its second chance to immobilize you in your spot, making you lose it for good.

"Hey, I get it that you want to hate me really bad, but how much of an asshole can you be to call me for help and scare me the fuck out when you're only about to have your time with another girl? You wanted to hurt me that bad? And I'm the sadist one? What more do you want Mark, I thought we were done! I thought you wanted nothing from me, so why did you call me, huh? Why?! Leave me alone now, I got it don't worry you must really hate me like you said, I won't hear you anymore now that I perfectly know! We're through!"

*No I've fucked up I know but wait-*

"Leave me alone! You look like nothing right now so go back to your room!"

In a blink of an eye, you had blend in the dancing mass of people moving on the arranged dancefloor, and your eyes searched for Johnny you quickly found near the kitchen with his phone in his hands, a serious look masking his usual happy traits.

"Oh my God Y/N you're here! You suddenly disappeared with a panicked face, we were all worried! I looked for you in the living room but I didn't find you! Are you okay?"

Those last three words threatened to kill you so you grabbed his warm hand in despair, your hurting eyes not even catching his own that widened for a slight second because of the fireworks he felt burst into his stomach at your skinship.

"Let's go, I beg you" you asked in a faint voice and without a second thought, Johnny nodded in approval as he caught the need in your request.

He finished his drink in no time before putting his cup on whatever surface he found next to him, and he dragged you behind him towards the sofas where he had left his leather jacket earlier, before putting it over your shoulders.

"Here. Let's go" he said in a sweet tone and the two of you stormed to the exit, still hand in hand.

Mark had rushed back to his bedroom, his hand grazing against the wall so that he could walk the straighter he could, and he had jumped into a pair of shoes then grabbed his shirt that had been thrown in the middle of the room. Hansun was busy putting her clothes back on her perfectly proportioned body, and Mark merely bowed her sorry as she ranted about how much of an asshole he was. The second he went back outside, he found you and the last party's host chatting, and he sped his pace closer to the both of you.

"Wait I'm sorry, but I should have asked : are you sure you can drive? You're ok? I don't want to put you in danger" you had stopped your pilot right before the front door, and you were thankful of your reasonable side that couldn't let you down for too long.

"I drank, but don't worry, I'm fine. It's not the first time I did this, and since I'm responsible of you, I'll be cautious" he smiled as his free fingers embraced your cheek quickly, and you both left before Mark could catch you as he was slow in spite of him, the landscape shaking and turning around.

Still, he had perceived the last bit of your conversation, and his fiery blood turned to ice while his panic turned to a total terror : the one of losing you as his lover, became the one of losing you at all because of a car accident. He couldn't let you take this risk, he couldn't let the second woman he had ever loved in his life go when this time he could stop it. He couldn't simply watch from aside as he had done back in the car ; he needed to do something or else, Mark felt like the burden of guilt would be the end of him.

                          *NO! DON'T GO WITH HIM! DON'T GO WITH HIM Y/N! HE DRANK DON'T GO IN!* you unexpectedly heard Mark scream into your ears as you stepped on the sidewalk, and you jumped in surprise.

You looked over your shoulder to see an out-of-breath Mark pushing the front gate, bending with his hands on his knees for a few seconds before he leveled his head up and, the second he saw you reaching the end of his street, he started running again.

"What's wrong?" Johnny asked you obliviously, lightly pulling at your hand as he hadn't heard anything.

You didn't say a thing and unexpectedly sped your pace up, dragging him behind this time, but the confused boy still snapped his head at the back and spotted Mark that was jogging far from straightly to the both of you. He then let go of your hand to enfold your shoulders with his arms, and he guided you to his car that was right in the corner, parked on the main avenue that was still busy with numerous vehicles.

He swiftly opened the door for you and pressed himself to sit before the wheel, and once the doors were closed, you sighed.

"Are you okay? What's happening?" Johnny asked while unlocking his phone to type your address on the navigation system.

"Just ignore him" you barely answered, your throat tightening at the sight of Mark getting closer and closer in the rearview, his blonde hair fighting with the wind and before you even knew it, he was right next to your window, knocking loudly against it.

*Don't go with him you can't go with him he's drunk it's too dangerous Y/N please come out I beg you* Mark shook his head vigorously before he strived on the doorknob he tried to open, but you had been quick to push the lock button.

Surely because of alcohol, Johnny was a bit slow at typing but mostly, you caught the anger in his eyes as he stopped what he was doing to dart Mark with them.

"What's wrong with him seriously? He's going to break my car at this point!" he growled at the blonde's punches against the window that were unstopping.

You couldn't dare to look at him, the worry and the fright in his eyes compressing your already weakened heart so your pupils dropped at your knees, and you did your best at snubbing him and his pleads.

"He's just really drunk, let's ignore him" you tried to calm Johnny down and the latter rolled his eyes annoyingly but it helped him focus back on the navigation, the only key to save you from hell at this point.

*Please don't please don't I can't have you die too in an accident please please…*

This comparison consumed the last bit of a heart you had after all the emotions it had went through. It was as if some ashes were burning your whole insides, and you felt like suffocating.

"It's for the better…" you murmured, your brows knotting as your migraine was back at it, even more with the roistering sounds of Mark's fist slamming against the car body.

*Y/N please come out*

Finally, this tensed situation was going to break as Johnny's car's motor roared, sign that you were ready to go, yet it only caused for Mark to shout louder into your head.

*Y/N!!!! Y/N DON'T DO THIS YOU CAN'T GO PLEASE I CAN'T LET YOU GO PLEASE NO*

As you deported from the sidewalk and engaged yourselves on the road, Mark sprinted on the side with his hands still tapping against the car. You finally acknowledged him, with the shock painting your traits as you wished he would quickly see how dangerous he was for himself and for the other drivers around you. Fortunately, his drunk-self couldn't compete with a car so you drove past him and he stopped following you, running out of breath as he couldn't scream his worries out, the accumulation of feelings strangulating him.

"Pretty intense between the both of you, right?" Johnny broke the awkward silence you had plunged into now that the car's beating up had stopped.

"Intense is the word, yeah…" you restrained a sob and you looked over the rearview on your side, only to see Mark standing up way too close to the automobiles.

His eyes had detached themselves from Johnny's car as his drunkenness was suddenly taking the best of him, immobilizing him in his spot like a zombie and his adrenaline having been emptied up by his vain attempts to make you stay. The city lights were blinding him, and the vehicles’ highlights seemed to be leaving trailing of colors behind them and meddling between each other, to the point Mark's vision was about to make him faint. Everything was so bright and so fast, while the world seemed to be spinning at a deadly pace around his figure.

He didn't feel himself topple to the front, his brain not responding to the primary sense of balance anymore, yet he was lucky that his body still knew about survival instinct, as he would have been hit by a car, hadn't it been from his feet dissociating with his head full of air to step back.

Mark got petrified by the sound of tires screeching against the road due to the driver's safe maneuver to avoid him, and while gasping for air as the car had been to a traumatic proximity for him, he fell in a squat position. He felt like he was trapped in the middle of his nightmares about the accident, where he couldn't do anything except for waiting for it to stop.

He then brought his hands to his head so that he'd stop hearing the lurid traffic noise, and closed his eyes so that he wouldn't see any one of those engines that scared him more than anything. His whole body was shivering, and at each scream of the horns pressed by the drivers angry at him for being dangerously on the road, he smacked his hands against his ears to disperse it.

You had witnessed all the scene, seeing him disappear from the frame of your small mirror as he had dropped pretty brutally to the ground. Without you even controlling them, your tears had made their way out the second Mark had been about to get into an accident, and you didn't hold back your gasp of fear either. Luckily, you hadn't drove too far away from the spot where you had left him, and moreover, you came to stop at a red light.

"What's wrong?!" Johnny had been surprised by your demeanor, and he tried to check on you but you had opened the window, your head popping outside and turned completely to the back, so he couldn't read your tortured expression.

"I have to go" you informed him before unbuckling your belt and strongly opening the door a few seconds before the light turned green. "I'm sorry but I have to take care of him, I-I'll call you, b-be careful, please!"

You didn't grant him the time to answer nor to ask you anything as you slammed the door and treaded the tar, towards Mark who was still squatting between the empty parking place and the road, with his face buried on his knees. You ignored the horns of disapproval as you squatted before him, with your face drenched in tears at the sight of the boy you liked in such a devastated state.

*Please don't die please don't die please don't die please don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me…*

Even at his worst state, he was still thinking of you. Even with his own life in danger, he was wishing for your own to continue. Your stomach dealt with unexpected butterflies flapping their wings against its ramparts, and this sensation somehow relieved your need to vomit that had lingered in your throat ever since you had left his bedroom. You breathed out and wiped your face, spreading some of your makeup of your skin, before landing a hand on his forearm. Never in your life would you have imagined that someone could shiver so much when it wasn't winter ; you had barely touched him that his body quaked even more due to a spasm.

"Mark, I'm here" you said gently as you tried to hold back the rest of your tears so that you could talk properly.

*Please don't-*

Mark's head slowly left his legs and he freed it from his clenched hands, and the moment his eyes found yours that were glimmering more than the stars above you, the landscape around him settled as he found peace in your stare. All of a sudden, you felt two arms surround you as Mark fell onto his knees and brought you close to him, so close that you could feel his insane heartbeat against your chest. His hot breath dispersed into your hair and caressed your skin, giving you the chills, and it wasn't long before you were hugging him back.

His embrace was powerful and desperate, yet he was still trembling like a leaf fighting against a strong wind.

*I was so scared… I'm so scared* he thought as he dug his face deeper into the crook of your neck.

"Let's move, hm? If we stay here I'm definitely going to have an accident" you chuckled and you felt him nod.

You helped him get up on his feet and rejoin the sidewalk where the boy sat back down on the ground, his legs definitely not willing to be cooperative as he still couldn't feel them, and he put his elbows on his knees before letting his head drop along with a sigh. You stood next to him but not too close so that he could breathe, yet your curiosity and worry soon betrayed you :

"What happened to you?" you bluntly asked him, playing with your feet on the pavement.

Mark repeated his frisk on himself to look out for his phone, a frown dressing up his beautiful traits as every move was hard for his hammered body to execute, but you soon interrupted him as you realized he probably wasn't in the best dispositions to talk.

"Forget it, sorry"

*I'm pretty miserable… Not even able to come after you, what a man* you heard him curse himself in a deep but raspy voice that testified of his worn out state.

"I don't like perfect prince charming or valorous knights…" you mumbled to yourself with a pout. "Anyway you look okay now so-"

"Let's stay here for a while" the famous robotic voice cut you through your goodbyes and you gazed down at Mark to see he had retrieved his phone, on which he was already typing something else.

"With the sound of traffic? Are you sure it's a good idea?" you wondered sincerely, your eyes widening.

*Better than go back there and meet that girl…*

"Oh because you think I would have accompanied you by the hand and brought you back to her? I must be dreaming… No sorry, and I was about to say that now that you're okay, I'm going" you answered curtly, but before you could retire, Mark extended his arm and his hand landed on your ankle.

*That's not what I meant. I don't care about her, do you hear me?* he grumbled but without looking back at you as he felt hot flushes fanning his face now that he was feeling you, and he surely didn't want you to see him weaker than what you had just spotted.

"You were about to take great care of her earlier though" you scoffed while crossing your arms, but you didn't chase his hand away as you too felt some thrill at his touch.

"Are you jealous?" the phone took the relay as it was easy to type with one hand.

"Yes" you confessed instantly, and Mark finally snapped his head up to search your face as he hadn't expected neither this answer, nor that frankness. "What? As if you should be surprised"

You caught the premises of a shy smile tingling the corner of his lips, and you couldn't help but find it cute instead of annoying.

"Then stay" he lowered his eyes to write it and showed it up to you.

You hissed through your teeth as your heart imploded at the sight of those two words he knew too damn well to employ with you.

"Don't ask me this again…" you moaned annoyingly, your head turning away from his figure to watch the city life in front of you.

You both hadn't paid attention to it, but some clouds had accumulated above your two aching heads and in less than three seconds, a storm broke out and showered your two bodies that stayed still in unison while all the passersby that had been walking around you or on the other side of the street started to run and protected themselves with whatever they could.

But for the both of you, it felt like a remedy. Your body relaxed and you closed your eyes to face the sky, letting the drops smudge your makeup even more and soothe your eyes that had been burning from the overfull of holding back. The smell of wet tar swamped your nostrils and you exhaled silently but profoundly, forgetting for a while about Mark who on the contrary had been staring at you.

Beautiful. You like her so much man. So so much.

"Do you make rain fall when you're sad too? Like a Goblin?" his phone asked for himself a few moments after he had let go of his grasp, the spot he left turning cold, and you chuckled.

"No, sorry to disappoint you" you smiled with your eyes still closed.

You didn't catch Mark's little nod, nor did you see him stand up painfully, until you heard his feet stumble a bit next to you. You slowly reopened your eyelids and downed your head to the left to meet with his soaked figure a few feet away from you, and your heart that had calmed down went back to work at full speed.

His blonde hair seemed to be close to a light chestnut color thanks to the rain, and the strands were falling perfectly on each side on his face before he pushed them at the back with his hand. You were tipsy because of the alcohol you had consumed to forget, but you now were drunk of his face you loved more than you could admit. His hardened traits that were softened tonight, his pink heart-shaped lips you selfishly dreamed to kiss again when you knew you couldn't, his deep brown eyes that could take you miles away from reality just from the way he looked right through you.

His body revealed by his wet clothes was attracting you to the fullest, and it was hard to hush your incipient desire for him as the both of you were totally quiet, simply gazing at each other with your eyes full of innuendo. His gaze climbed down to the slope of your nose then the curve of your lips you licked out of anticipation, and a glimpse of air shakily escaped Mark's mouth, as he was having a hard time refraining himself from stealing a kiss from you.

*Stay. I won't regret it like last time I'm not that coward anymore, please*

Even without hearing him you would have guessed his plea just from the way he was staring at your face, the despair having made itself home inside his irises.

"You're drunk Mark. You're supposed to hate me and move on, remember? I've hurt you enough and I won't do you any good, so it's time for me to step out…" you answered in a calm tone even if every word had pulled at the strings of your heart.

*No, you know I'm worse without you.* And no, you did me good.

You shook your head from the left to the right in denial, but he began to close the unbearable gap between your two bodies. You couldn't turn away this time as you were no longer angry and because a physical contact with him was what you craved for the most ; however, your guilt helped you to put a defensive hand before you, but only for its poor palm to end up meeting his chest as he took you in his arms another time.

He was scared to be left alone as only you was maintaining him up on his two feet right now : he couldn't see anything else but you, he couldn't hear anything else but your voice, he couldn't feel anything else but your body that glued to his because of the water drenching your clothes. No more chaos around him, no more flashes of the accident, no more desertion of his brain functions.

*I can't do this without you. I can't. I tried but I can't. Stay with me, please.* he murmured into your head walls, his low voice making your frame vibrate and your hand on his heart crumpled the material of his tank top, this grasp being the only thing preventing you from surrendering.

Nevertheless, his arms tightened around your back and waist and you heard him exhale loudly, sign that he was once again struggling with his inner emotions. Mark was indeed fighting some tears but also his urgent need to unite your mouths ragingly right here right now, but somehow he knew this wasn't the right thing to do.

Instead, you felt his lips plant a wet kiss at the base of your neck and you subconsciously sighed in pleasure, your grasp on his top tightening even more, but like a thunderbolt crossing your mind clouded with your feelings for him, your reason recalled you the order.

"L-Let's talk about this when you're sober, ok?" you barely proposed, your voice fainting with your soul he was absorbing despite him.

Mark departed from you to look you in the eyes, and you took this opportunity to step back and let go of the white fabric that fell and stuck back to his torso.

"I'm going. Go back, and do whatever you want with whoever you want but please, don't think about me while doing it that's disgusting" you managed to joke, your lips ignited with desire breaking into a smile before you turned around and quickly walked down the street, and this time the blonde didn't come after you.

As he observed your silhouette becoming smaller and smaller under the street lamps, Mark wondered how you could smile about that awful thing he had done to you.

*I don't deserve you.*

You smiled sadly as you heard that comment above the rain, because you had been thinking exactly the same. You had hurt him so much yet he had been the one begging for your love and running after you, when you should normally be the one to do that. He wasn't deserving you, no, because he deserved so much better ; he didn't deserve to love a liar that had wronged him from the very beginning while he had finally been true to someone. As you sunk into the depths of the night, you resolved yourself to put an end to this the next time you'll see him.

                                               The next day, you woke up with a painful hangover, yet your eardrums were free from any negative thoughts coming from Mark, giving you a smile that went well with the bright day that welcomed you. You felt extremely tired from the past night, but for nothing you would change what happened, not even the image of him with another girl in his arms. You cherished each one of the memories you had built with him up till now, because you knew it would soon be over ; it had to.

Unknown [4:29 PM] : Hi, Y/N. It's me, Mark… What about we meet today at Han River? Around 8 p.m, if that's ok for you. I've got things to tell you.

You broke out into a sob, as you were far from ready to bid farewell to him. But this hard time was necessary for him to trust someone again and love without suffering. A simple relationship with solid roots and not rotten by mistrust and tears. You were way too guilty and full of regrets to let yourself love him.

You [4:30 PM] : Me too, I have things to say. I'll be there.

No need to precise that you counted every minute that passed by until the time to go finally came. You hadn't been that stressed out in so long, the nervousness you had experienced before the boys' flat's door being nothing compared to the bundle of nerves that juddered within you as you were walking on Han River's promenade. A fine breeze was refreshing your hot face, and the sun that was setting slowly appeased your mind. Mark had indicated the zone where he wanted to meet ; it was near the bridge, and when you reached the location, your eyes recognized his silhouette immediately.

Standing in the grass and across a tree, Mark was wearing a black hoodie that was way too large on his thin body, and unlike the past times when you had seen him, his humid hair wasn't styled up but simply covered by the hood. You could only see his profile graced by the sun's rays, but you guessed from afar that he looked better than yesterday, a peaceful expression veiling his facial features.

When he heard some footsteps coming from behind him, Mark turned his head and as he saw you going down the small climb of grass longing the promenade, he broke into a smile you had forgotten he could have. His eyes almost went unheeded and his nose wrinkled, giving off the cute vibe you had found in him only yesterday night.

The sky above the river was turning to an astonishing gradient of red, pink and ending in the traces of blue left from the afternoon. This ambient light suited so well with the warmness that seemed to seep out of Mark's body you were craving to feel close to yours again ; but you stopped a couple meters away from him. You wished you could engrave this image into the solidest rock on earth as it was the last time you would meet, yet you could only trace it into the sand of the souvenirs that were meant to lose in authenticity, because you shouldn't condemn yourself any further with crystal clear pictures of him to haunt you.

All of a sudden, Mark brought the distance separating the both of you to something too close for comfort for you, and you scraped your throat with your stare falling at your feet shyly.

*I can't stand you being that far* he thought, and your heart did a blip.

"Hi…" you saluted as your eyes finally met his that were nowhere close to the desperate look he had given you the night before.

His pupils weren't flinching anymore, and they were shining with something so pure that it took your breath away.

*If you can hear me, I wanted to say before anything else, that I'm sorry*

"I guess that's sincere because I can" you smiled before passing a hand through your hair out of anxiety; you needed to move, or else your tensed body parts would end up cramping.

Mark chuckled then bit his lower lip as his hands dug into the front pocket of his hoodie. He took his time to contemplate your face that was lightened by the orangey sunny tint, yielding you with loveliness.

And that I like you.

Silence followed this confession you couldn't hear, until your impatient one forced its way out your lips to put an end to everything, for the better.

"Look Mark, I-"

*Shit I think I've got no choice, why bad thoughts only, that sucks so much*

Your words got stuck into your throat as you didn't understand the meaning of this thought, and you watched the blonde as he took out a small scratch pad from his huge pocket, before presenting it to you horizontally. Your eyes widened as well as your mouth, and Mark smiled genuinely at your taken aback expression as he prepared himself to flip the first page. You noticed the blood that had filled his cheeks, making you feel shy as well as you didn't know what to expect, then he looked down to ensure he was doing it the right way.

"I know this is cliché and cheesy as hell, but well, I don't feel like talking, not yet" he revealed his handwriting with an expectant expression on his face as he eyed you, and your heart stopped as you read it.

You couldn't help but crack into a smile, forgetting a moment about the sorrow that would fill you and probably him in a few minutes, when it would be your turn to confess.

"As I guessed, you wouldn't hear everything I'd think, so… I had to write it"

He exhaled discretely before flipping to the following page, his head dropping down further along with his eyes that watched cautiously what he had unfolded, and thanks to his hood, you didn't catch how red his whole face turned at the next sentence.

"I like you, Y/N"

"And I don't think I'll ever be able to stop it, just like you can't stop hearing me"

"Maybe you won't unless we're together?"

"I don't know about you but I've been thinking lately, you may have heard it or not, and even more with what happened yesterday, I'm now sure that I'm not better off without you"

"Yes, you hurt me, but I hurt you as well with my behavior and my words. Even when you knew how bad I was doing up there, you weren't scared and stayed by my side. But when I knew about your power, I decided to leave like a coward"

"So because I don't like unequal situations, or being indebted, as you prefer…"

"… I'm willing to give it back, if you'll accept me. Because yes, you've done me more good than wrong"

"We both said we wouldn't love anybody else after what happened between us, so what about we simply love each other?"

"I want to keep sharing things with you, but by myself and not by my head being a mess that's messing with yours"

"And you're the one that started to clean up all this mess, look how I'm opening right now"

"I need you, Y/N"

"So, will you date me?"

When Mark gathered enough courage to acknowledge your reaction, he got taken aback to see you were actually crying a river, silently, with your hands above your mouth.

*What? What what what what's wrong? Don't cry!*

But you just couldn't stop, his declaration having touched you to the deepest of your soul. You had planned to go separate ways, but seeing that he truly liked you as much as you did, you weren't sure that you would be capable of rejecting him, the fear of losing him forever catching up but also the one to break his heart indefinitely. Would you be able to leave with that much feelings for him anyway?

"Will you forgive me, first?" you asked in a trembling voice, between two sobs you couldn't control nor calm. "I can't be the one to accept you, you need to accept me. I don't deserve you, not after what I did"

"I don't deserve you as well, I ignored your feelings that were true" he wrote after having proudly revealed the pen he had thought of bringing before leaving, a satisfied smile dressing his appealing lips.

"They deserved to be ignored after what I did to you" you insisted while wiping your face. "Actually today I came to tell you it was better if we parted ways, because I hurt you too much, because I've been awful to do this to you, because you deserve someone who won't lie to you who won't put you in such a state for weeks who-"

"You're the one I want, Y/N. I don't care about that someone" he revealed before you could finish, and he hid the writing pad and the pen back into his kangaroo pocket.

He then approached slowly, and you felt your core throb just at the sight of him being at a reachable distance. The atmosphere somehow grew romantic, maybe because of the red sky representing faithfully the passion burning inside of you, or maybe because of the loving stare he had on your traits he scanned with pleasure, taking a picture of every inch to save into his mind.

I forgive you, he thought but he clearly saw that you couldn't hear it because your head lowered the more he stepped forward, so he brought his fingers to your chin to make you look back at him.

He then nodded while slowly blinking, an appeasing body language to signal you what you were dying to hear.

I forgive you, he reiterated in his own world and you teared up another time as he didn't let go of your stare, his fingers sliding along your jaw to spread across your wet left cheek.

His left hand did the same with the other side of your face and he grazed it with his thumb, being careful not to rush things. He had longed for this moment to happen deep inside of him ; he was conscious of it as he finally felt like he was living again, like he was breathing at full capacity, like his broken heart was piecing back together, all of this thanks to you and not because of you.

Your hands were itching as they couldn't stand remaining by your sides, so you ended up grasping the fabric of his hoodie that was falling around his waist, and Mark hissed as you were finally responding, even bringing him closer to you. You felt his breath caress your face along with the light wind, and his irises full of desire and love finally disappeared behind his eyelids as he dived on you to finally kiss you.

I forgive you, he tenderly thought a last time as his tongue intertwined with yours, and you got the message without even needing to hear it.

Your hands on his waist crawled up to his back you scratched through the material, while he couldn't stop caressing your cheeks as he kissed you again and again, his breathing being loud once more, but God, you were fond of that sound. The one testifying of the impact you had on him, provoking a combust of passion within his guts just with one look of your pretty eyes or one brush of your lips on his.

When he finally broke the kiss to catch his breath, Mark settled his forehead down on yours.

"Let's start over" you muttered, your lips grazing his as you did so and he nodded slightly before passing his arms around your neck, burrowing your frame into his.

                          It's with wobbly legs but light hearts that you walked side by side to his workplace where he had proposed you to go. Once you entered, you noticed his colleagues murmuring something between them before they walked up to you and escorted you to a table near the kitchens, with a pretty rose in a vase and a pair of their usual sophisticated cutlery waiting for you.

Mark had explained to you that he'd cook for you tonight and that you'd both enjoy the dinner together. He had asked his boss for this favor during his noon service, that the latter had gladly accepted as his hardworking junior had been the most expectant he had ever seen him. The both of them came to you so that the chef would expose the menu, Mark having put his blouse on and you couldn't help but smile at the sight. He looked so dignified and masculine in those clothes, and your eyes already full of stars were now probably shooting hearts at him.

Everyone was looking at you curiously as they remarked the special service and head-to-head with a cook you benefited, and if you had felt embarrassed at first, the second Mark sat in front of you to share the meal, you forgot about everyone else.

"You must have been pretty sure that I'd say yes to organize all of this" you teased, feeling flustered by this small event.

"I just believed in us" he responded on his smartphone, and your heart melted again.

Since when this boy had the last word with you? You had to admit that you had been eaten up by your guilt that had prioritized your pessimistic side, but somehow, him being straightforward and confident was extinguishing all your past fears and wonderings about this relationship. He appeared to be so bright and at peace, and with just the pure smiles he was giving you as you did the talking, or the look he had upon you as he watched you eat deliciously, you felt right where you belonged.

Once you finished dinner, Mark went to the kitchens to help cleaning up, but his colleagues almost kicked him out so that he wouldn't spill any second of the night he had to spend with you and for you only, and he came back to you with his hoodie back on. He offered you his hand without acknowledging you, his head turned towards the entrance, suddenly feeling shy after you had thanked him with your pretty eyelids batting. You ceased it, your fingers finding shelter between his as if they had been molded together, and you caught him biting back his smile of satisfaction.

"I know you like it, it's written all over your face" you laughed as you walked out, and the blonde frowned in disapproval before speeding his pace, your feet jogging behind to catch up.

You were floating on your little happiness' cloud, the path to his home spent quietly, but it was a silence you both appreciated as each one of you was just too busy thinking of how good you felt. Mark unexpectedly turned nervous when he let you in the apartment, as he got reminded of his activity in his bedroom the night before.

Everything was incredibly quiet, the boys apparently having their own occupations on this evening – or maybe it was Mark's doing again? –, and you chuckled at the sight of dozens of plastic bags from the party they hadn't thrown out yet.

*Maybe she didn't want to come here so soon… I'm stupid, shit, what should I do?* Mark regretted as he scratched his chin nervously, standing in the middle of the living room with eyes lost in the emptiness.

"I'm fine. I mean, I'll be perfectly fine if you stop thinking about her already" you answered while crossing your arms and he jumped in surprise before glaring annoyingly at you. "Sorry?"

*Sorry my ass*

"I still hear you" you laughed as he stepped closer to you who had stayed near the entrance, waiting for him to guide you wherever his heart would be pleased to.

*Ohhhh shut up already* he grumbled before stealing a kiss from you, and he felt you smile on his lips before you gave another one back, pecking him lightly.

"I didn't know you could be so at ease with people, like where did the quiet and setback Mark go?"

*Blame yourself* he dared you before turning away, his chin up in the air proudly, and he trailed his feet nonchalantly to his bedroom with his hands in his front pocket.

As you walked behind him, you got reminded of the first time you had been at his place, the pattern being exactly the same ; him inviting you implicitly to follow him, and you at the verge of having a heart attack just because of the intimacy of the room you penetrated, closing the door behind you.

The dim light was on again, and Mark sat on his desk while you went in front of his wardrobe's mirror to check yourself, your eyes feeling puffy after having cried till you were running out of bodily water. But when you spotted his stare at you from behind through the glass, cold sweat rolled down your spine and hot flushes glided over your neck and cheeks.

He had indeed been observing you pretty intensely, enough for your body to shudder as you turned around to meet him face to face. Naturally, an intense atmosphere had settled upon the two of you. You were finally each other's, and the long awaited ending of the push-and-pull situation stirred the both of your cores. Kissing and holding hands had tested your inner desires that you had kept at bay while you had been out in the open ; but now that you were within four walls of pure privacy, the carnal desire plagued over your minds at full force, marking its territory in every single cognition of your brain.

You slowly laid your back against the cold surface, your hands hidden behind your back and your legs crossing, and you withstood Mark's gaze he was according you through half-lidded eyes, while a light of lust took its place in yours. He couldn't explain why his desire for your body to be in his arms and without the barrier of clothes had invaded his senses that quickly, except that he knew you definitely were different.

It hadn't been when Hansun had found him lying on the ground in his bedroom, without any lights turned on, that he had decided to take her to his bed. It hadn't been when she had lied next to him on the floor and talked to him about things he didn't even remember. It had been when she had touched his body almost expertly, aiming at every right spot to awaken his lust that had been swallowed by his jealousy as he had seen you with Johnny. It had been when she had attached her lips to his, the sour taste of the alcoholic drink she had emptied up just before infiltrating his mouth as their tongues had danced together sloppily.

Under her physical stimulation, his human brain had stood by to let the place to a bestial need that had urged him to have sex with her. But deep down, Mark knew it had mostly been to discard his thoughts about you.

However, with you, Mark didn't need a physical contact, at all. You standing in front of him and not being a parasite in his imagination, for him only to admire, was sufficient to turn him on.

He had wanted to make love to you the second his eyes had scanned your curves through the mirror, then the detour of your tinted lips you licked despite you. The sight of you being so reachable and eyeing his features intently was more than enough for some electricity to wave between your two bodies, overriding his flesh to attain his guts.

With you, it took just one look, for Mark to lose against his feelings that screamed at him to worship you completely.

You're going to be the death of me if you keep looking at me like that.

Your lover suddenly jumped off the wooden furniture and charged right at you, giving you exactly what you had implicitly asked for : his mouth devouring yours and his hands roaming over your needy body, needy for his touch that could make you weaker or stronger, flames or ice, stimulated or in bliss. Whatever he would want from you, tonight, he would have it, as you also were ready to love him to the fullest, without holding back.

You moaned into the kiss and he almost did too, his voice vibrating within his low growls of satisfaction, and it triggered you even more to hear something coming from him too, cutting through the silence. Your hands grabbed his nape and your fingers dug into the base of his hair, involuntarily putting some pressure to feel him even closer to you.

The rhythm was slow at first, his mouth gratifying yours with long and tender kisses he sometimes ended with a biting of your lower lip he tugged at leisurely. But soon, Mark felt a need to prove you more, so he sped up this intimate exchange, his kisses becoming breath-catching and messy.

Like the first night you had spent together, his desire for you set fireworks within his body and commanded his every action he wasn't mastering anymore. It felt so unfamiliar to be wanting someone that bad, to the point where kissing was never enough, and Mark realized how much of a zombie-life he had been living up till you and the amazing sparkles you graced him with. Right now, he wasn't like a robot ready to execute the task his primary needs had naturally ordered him, no ; he simply felt alive thanks to the alchemy you both shared and that guided him in unknown land.

His hands had been wandering up and down between your hips and waist, more delicately than his fervent work up on your face, while yours were pulling involuntarily at his locks of hair every time you would feel his teeth clashing against yours or catching your bottom lip. Suddenly, Mark helped one of your legs up and he enclosed it around his waist, causing armies of ants to go down to your feet. He then pushed you further against the mirror, with his body trembling on yours as it was desperate for more and more.

But because it had been so long since he had truly been about to conclude with a girl, he was trying to take his time at exploring you step by step. However, you didn't help him control his impulsions as you deviated your face from his and brought your lips to the side of his neck, on which you marked a love bite. He hissed through gritted teeth as your mouth traced a wet path between his earlobe and his shoulder you tried to expose by pulling at his oversized hoodie, his head lolling at the back as he breathed quickly. A few seconds later, he was strongly picking you up and wrapping your two legs around him to bring you to his mattress.

He landed you delicately on your back before placing himself on top of you, and he kissed you sweetly on the forehead to pause this intense make-out.

*Are you sure about that?* he asked without asking as he retreated to look down at you.

*If that's too soon, I can wait… I don't want to rush you like last time* he got worried into his head, and you gladly caught those caring interrogations that spread a smile across your flushed face.

You took the hand he had been to dig into his jeans' pocket to transcribe his worries on his phone, and you kissed its palm before leaning into his touch as he cupped your face.

"Mark. Kiss me already" you only breathed out, and he bent down to grant you what you had wished for.

The way his name had rolled off your tongue in a whisper had gotten him almost whimpering, his usual quietness becoming hard to handle, though he would only have produced sounds of pleasure rather than full words or sentences ; his mind was blank anyway, only filled with his want to feel you closer. You wrapped your arms around his neck and plunged your stare into his, his strong and shaky breathing resounding in your ears again, and from the way he was gazing at you, his eyes dark but oscillating, you knew he was still apprehensive to touch you more.

You then initiated the next steps bringing you closer to loving each other fully, as your hands went down and under his sweater. At every caress of your fingertips against his burning skin, Mark felt like you were adoring him and praising him silently, your light touch appreciating every inch and skin cell as if they were sacred, and he couldn't describe how good it felt to seem worthy again.

He retained his breathing as you gently began to pull the fabric up until his fit torso was revealed to you, and your strokes traced circles on his upper body, enjoying the softness of his pale skin. When you redressed yourself on your elbows to steal another kiss from him, Mark finally saw the green light you had been sending to him ; he finally knew what to do and how to do, his feelings reviving the dead areas of his brain dedicated to the good use of carnal instincts.

He kissed your lips, down your chin to the valley of your chest that was showing thanks to your V neck shirt he got rid of right after, then in no time, he undressed the both of you completely but still with delicateness. Perfection dwelled in each detail that covered your skin ; that's what popped up in his mind as he watched you over with awe.

His body was trembling with overexcitement as he began to make love to you, sensually and slowly. Never had your skin felt so sensitive to the touch of someone else, as at every caress of his hands on your body while he connected the both of you again and again, it was as if he was leaving a deep print.

You could swear you had caught a glimpse of his voice at every guttural sound Mark hadn't been able to hold back, but you were already in a pure state of euphoria to have him all for you, with his eyes closed and his lips capturing the skin of your neck once in a while, when they weren't on yours.

In a last sigh, you both rolled on your sides, your sweaty bodies steaming hot. Still, Mark didn't last long without having you in his arms, so he scooted over and hugged you close, making you smile against his chest. You heard his heart bouncing against your eardrum, and as your hands made their way to his back, you realized he was still quivering in pleasure. His nose was on the top of your head, and he kept on pecking you.

Never had he imagined he'd feel at peace again. Never had he thought that his body would feel strong again. Never had he believed in tears of joy ; yet he felt the crease of his eyelids turn hot, and indeed some water lined under them, making him frown in the dark.

Thank you.

His lips were itching and so was his tongue, as Mark was getting overwhelmed by his gratitude. He was dying to say those two words that meant so much more to him than an "I love you". He needed to tell you in this perfect instant, as tomorrow you wouldn't get the weight he wanted to put into them. He lowered his face and leveled up yours on the cushion with the help of his hands, and when your eyes bored into each other, his lips parted slightly.

Thank you, Y/N.

He felt like he would have a hard time breathing if he ever kept this to him this time. He took a deep breath and prepared himself to say his first words to someone in two years, but his guts were telling him that now was the right time to do it, even if it draw his energy.

However, when he tried to emit a sound, only some air released from his mouth that brushed your face, making him clench his jaw. What was happening? Had the product of his own will turned into a real disablement? Or was it the anticipation of releasing the prisoner that constricted his vocal chords?

"What's wrong?" you whispered as you read the distress in his unstable pupils.

But you weren't hearing anything and he kissed you desperately, pressing his mouth on yours with more force, until you felt something wet fall on your nose. It was a tear that had rolled down from the corner of his almond eyes, and that had made its way from his nose bridge to yours. Mark was feeling scared that he couldn't overcome his silence as he wanted to.

"What's wrong, Mark?" you reiterated as you ceased the side of his face with your hand, and the blonde closed his eyes with his brows furrowed.

He reopened them and your loving stare gave him the courage to try again, his heartbeat stopping momentarily as he licked his lips.

"T… Thank… you…" he suddenly breathed out in a merely audible voice, but it had been enough for you to hear.

He breathed unsteadily right after, as if talking had strangled him, and tears you had thought you were running out of accumulated under your lower eyelids that widened. Had you heard his voice for real? Those two words he had chosen with justness had your skin covered with chills, then you rushed your lips on his to kiss him a few times, interrupting yourself to look at him unbelievably each time.

Mark's face broke into a smile as his hooded eyes gazed at you once you were done releasing the euphoria he had put you through, his success improving his well-being as he felt proud, and he fell for you even more. He definitely wanted to talk again, if that meant he could see this profound light of love in your eyes another time. He chuckled quietly as you buried your head into his chest to hide your tears of happiness, and that was how you both fell asleep, with bodies that couldn't feel more comfortable than when they were intertwined with each other.

                                              *This is so weird*

"Could you stop being that pessimistic? You were okay with this yesterday!"

*He's still your godfather! I'm fucking embarrassed! I told it to my father, and he found it funny, but I don't!*

"Speaking of your father, he's one of the reasons why we're here, so you should be invested!"

Mark and you were standing outside the cabinet's door, waiting for Woodam to welcome the both of you for his next session. Your hand was in his, but he couldn't stop shaking his wrist out of anxiety.

You had chosen to move forward together, slowly but surely, him confessing to you his wish to speak again and to bid farewell to his mom now that he had another woman in his life he could turn to, but he was well aware that he wouldn't be able to do this on his own as residues of his trauma were still blocking him and had struck him back at the party ; you definitely determined to stop hearing his thoughts all the time, even if they had become rarer than before and that you used them to tease him now.

You lifted up your jointed arms and kissed the back of his hand to calm him down, and Mark turned his head to you to watch you with adoration, as he instantly felt better.

I don't know what you did to me for me to get this swayed seriously, he thought as he mirrored your gesture, but he gave your skin three pecks before pulling at your hand to bring your body right against him.

He enclosed his free hand around your linked ones, and he breathed out one last time as he caught the happy footsteps of the doctor getting closer to the door.

"We're in this together" you whispered in your boyfriend's ear, who landed the side of his head over yours for a few seconds in acknowledgement.

Together.

"Helloooo lovebirds! Come in!" Woodam welcomed you in, and you protested at the lame nickname he had used.

As the door closed behind the three of you, the sound of your joyful laugh faded, but the patients in the waiting room still caught it as it seeped out like a lovely serenade. Unfortunately, they didn't get the chance to witness the beautiful and shining smile Mark was wearing, for the first time ever as he stepped into this cabinet that finally appeared like a solution more than a problem.

Together, he loved this word. As together with you, Mark Tuan was about to give himself another chance to live a brighter life as a son, boyfriend, cook and roommate ; but mostly, a chance to love himself and, as an old man had once said to him, the people that stuck by him through winds and tides and led his way to a better Tomorrow.

                               THE END.

[yuniesan]

Girl Meets Season 6 - Episode Two – Girl Meets Roommate

Synopsis: The Journey from High School and into College will test everything Riley knew about her life, her friendships and her love. What life lessons will she learn in her first year of college?  

Previous Episodes [1]

A/N: School is kicking my butt, but yay I finished this part!!!!!!

Episode Two – Girl Meets Roommate

Riley and Lucas had returned from Texas only to have to finish packing and getting ready for the move to school in a few days. In those days her father had become unbearable because his fear of her leaving was heavy on his mind. Every time she thought about leaving the house just to see her friends or to see Lucas her father would follow her to the door and then give her something else to do instead.

“Mom,” she called out once she arrived at the café. “Dad’s becoming crazier as the days go by,” she sighed as she draped herself over the counter.

“Sorry Riley,” her mother said before pulling her up. “He’s afraid of losing you, even though I told him that you weren’t going to be faraway.”

“Why is he different with Auggie?” she asked knowing that her brother wasn’t at fault for her father’s behavior.

“Father’s are more protective of their daughters, also I’m pretty sure that he’s crazy and I should have him committed,” her mother gave her a wide smile as she said the words. She knew that her mother was joking but somedays she wished that her father would learn to let go just a little. “Riley, you’re still seventeen, he’s just worried.”

“I know, it’s just that I wish he wouldn’t worry so much, it’s not like I picked a school across the country, the school is within driving distance.”

“I sometimes wish you had picked a school on the other side of the country, because that way he wouldn’t have the chance to annoy you so much,” her mother sighed, and Riley knew that this had something to do with her giving something up a long time ago, something in California, but her parents loved each other and they would follow one another to the ends of the world.

“Hey Riley,” someone said from behind her and when Riley turned around she saw her friends smiling at her.

“I may have made a call,” her mother said before turning around and getting back to work. “You’re welcome,” she said from the other side of the room.

“Thanks mom,” Riley called out before walking over to where everyone was sitting, the only people missing were Josh, Zay and Cassie.

“Your dad’s becoming a monster, or at least that’s what your mother was saying,” Maya said as Riley sat down in between her best friend and her boyfriend.

“Yeah well apparently me leaving, even when I left for Texas was too much for him,” Riley said before burying her face in Lucas’s shoulder and taking in the smell of Lucas. She wished some days that she could bottle it up and keep it close because it felt comforting to know that he was around even in spirit.

“Well Shawn’s the same way,” Maya said slumping over on the couch. “He actually kicked Josh out of the house a few days ago, and I haven’t seen him since.”

“He went to see my grandparents so he should be back before the new semester starts,” she said as she took her best friend’s hand and held it close, Maya leaned into Riley’s side and stayed there. “By the way where’s Zay and Cassie, I feel like I haven’t seen either of them.”

“No one knows,” Lucas said looking around to see if anyone would say anything but everyone just shrugged. They had all been busy buying things for school, but Zay had still sent them messages until he had stopped completely the day before Riley and Lucas had gotten back from Texas.

Riley was hoping that her two friends were just spending time with their families, and that nothing was wrong. She made a mental note to call both Cassie and Zay when she got home and find out where the two of them had gone off too. The rest of the afternoon the group spent inside the café talking about school and their trip up that Friday for when they would have to move into the dorms.

“Smackle and I are roommates,” Maya said to Riley and she knew that Maya had wanted them to be roommates but somehow felt that for Maya, getting to know Smackle like this would be a big leap.

“Lucas, Zay and I are together, but our dorm is on the other side of the campus,” Farkle added, smiling at Smackle as he said it. “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“I will endeavor to miss you as well beloved,” Smackle said smiling at Farkle, and Riley couldn’t help but think that they had actually become cuter over the years.

“My dorm is in between the guys and Maya and Smackle’s dorm,” Riley said wishing that she had at least gotten the chance to be in the same dorm as Maya but that hadn’t happened.

“We’re actually going to be separated Riles,” Maya said her face sad for a moment. “We’ve never been this far apart before.”

Riley couldn’t help but laugh at those words, “New experiences, plus you heard Farkle absence makes the heart grow fonder,” she said before smiling up at Lucas who kissed her on her head as a way of saying that he understood as well.

“Is Cassie your roommate?” Maya asked her after a moment had passed and Riley just shook her head.

“Nope,” she said thinking about having to meet someone new on the first day. “Her name is Samaira, apparently she went to Einstein Academy, and she lives here in the city as well but I keep wondering if I’ve ever met her.”

“I know her, she is a comparable person to myself, she’s studying to become a cardiovascular physician, but whereas I left Einstein Academy she stayed there and continued her studies among other intellectuals,” Smackle said to them.

“We love you too Smackle,” Maya said.

“Did I say something wrong?” Smackle asked looking over at Maya who slumped over into Riley’s side.

“I don’t know if I’m going to survive living with Smackle,” Maya said into her arm and Riley rubbed her back.

“You need someone with that kind of honesty in your life Maya,” Riley said to her before turning to Smackle. “Do you think we would get along?”

“I believe so, you two have similar outlooks on life, you believe in the best in people even when some others don’t believe it, and she’s incredibly kind to others,” Smackle said smiling at Riley in her own awkward way.  

When move in day arrived, Riley had almost screamed out the car window, her father had worn a special shirt with her face on it, and then put stickers on the car announcing it to the world that she was going to college. Luckily her mother pulled the stickers off before they left but the man hadn’t let up, he was going to annoy her to the end of time.

“Daddy, please don’t wear that shirt,” she begged but her father just looked at her and got into his car and closed the door.

“Let him have his fun Riley,” her mother said kissing her on the cheek. “We’re taking you to college, when will we see you again?”

“Apparently every week until the end of time,” she said to her mother before mumbling to herself, “maybe I should have gone to California.”

Her mother smiled at her and gave her a hug, “It’ll be fine, I’ll keep him busy so that he doesn’t do anything rash like try to get a job at your school.”

“Seriously why isn’t he like this with Auggie? I need to know,” she asked but her mother just shrugged.

“I think it’s a guy thing I’m not sure, but trust me the moment we put everything in your dorm I’ll try my best to drag him out.”

“Good luck with that,” her father said from the driver’s seat.

Auggie was with Ava for the day while they drove up but Riley had hugged her brother after breakfast, promising that they would talk as much as possible, they had even opened up a special messenger app for them to talk through. Auggie still didn’t have his own phone, but he had a tablet and that was going to be the only way they were going to be able to talk until their parents gave him his own phone.

The drive up to the school was filled with her father telling them stories about Riley growing up, and then him sobbing as he drove saying things like, “I should have cherished those moments more,” or “Why does she have to leave me.” Her mother was laughing the whole time but after putting her things in her room Riley knew that she was going to miss her parents as well.

“I love you guys,” she said hugging them close. “Thank you for being my parents.”

“I love you too Riley,” her mother said as she rubbed her back.

“I don’t want you to stay,” her father protested. “I don’t want you to grow up, I want you to be that little girl in the bay window forever just singing to yourself.”

“Cory,” her mother said trying to pry her father off of her but he just held on tighter. “Come on Cory, we’ll come up for parents’ weekend and spend the whole time up here with her. I ever booked a hotel room for us for that weekend so that we wouldn’t leave until Sunday.”

“Fine Topanga, but don’t come crying to me when our daughter gets in trouble, or when she starts saying that she wants to come home.”

It took her mother another twenty minutes before her father let go of her and they had finally left, her room was filled with boxes of her stuff, and she stood there wondering which side of the room she could take. Her roommate hadn’t arrived just yet and Riley was truly alone, Maya hadn’t driven up just yet because Shawn had made them have a family lunch together before packing up the car. Lucas had to wait until later this afternoon to leave because he was waiting for Zay who Riley still hadn’t had the chance to talk to. He was avoiding her, and she didn’t know why, on top of that Cassie’s phone had been disconnected which only worried her even more.

Riley decided on taking the bed closest to the window, because it would remind her of the bay window in her bedroom and how the light came into the room in the mornings. She started unpacking when the door opened and a man walked in holding a large box. Riley quickly went to the door and held it open.

“Thank you,” he said before walking to the empty side of the room and setting the box down. When he turned around he saw a familiar head of brown hair, and the face of someone she hadn’t seen in a long time, not since sophomore year of high school.

“Mr. Bradford,” she squeaked out, her heart jumping. “What are you doing here?”

“Riley,” he said smiling at her for a moment. “My step-daughter Sam is your roommate, this is a small world after all.”

“Yes, it is,” a familiar voice said from behind her making Riley want to run out of the room. She remembered Missy, she remembered the last time they had seen each other, right before she had been expelled from Abigail Addams for bullying Riley and getting caught.

“Missy be nice,” Mr. Bradford said before pulling her out of the room shortly after another girl walked in, her hair was long and black, but her smile made Riley pause for a moment. This person wasn’t like Missy, she seemed nicer, and if what Smackle had said was right she was a smart person who wanted to be a doctor.

“Hi,” a woman said from the door, her features similar to the younger woman, this was her mother. “You must be Riley.”

“Yes, I’m Riley,” she answered her heart was calming down after the confrontation with Missy.

“I’m Arya, this is my daughter Samaira,” she said pointing out the girl who was going to be Riley’s roommate for the year. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” Riley said holding out her hand to greet the woman.

“Mom go help dad with the rest of my things please,” the other girl said before her mother nodded and smiled at the two of them.

“Okay Sam, I understand that you don’t want your overbearing mother around,” Arya said before walking off leaving the two girls behind.

“So,” Riley said looking down at her feet.

“I know about your history with Missy,” Samaira said before turning to Riley. “I’m sorry for anything she has done to you but please don’t think that I’m the same.”

“I don’t even know you, so I won’t pass judgement,” Riley answered before looking up at her new roommate. “Let’s start over, wipe the slate clean.”

“Okay,” she said turning to Riley. “Hi, my name is Sam, I’m your roommate.”

“Hi, I’m Riley,” she said and the two of them laughed for a moment breaking the tension that had built up from the moment Mr. Bradford had walked in through the door. “I picked the bed near the window, I hope that’s okay with you.”

“Yes, because I’m not a big morning person so the wall can prevent the sun from hitting me in the eye,” Sam said smiling at Riley. “I’m not joking either, I turn into a she beast when I don’t have coffee first thing in the morning.”

“I feel like I should have brought a coffee maker with me,” Riley said.

“Don’t worry, I brought mine with me, so I hope you like cappuccinos.”

“Like them I used to make them,” Riley said before sitting down on her bed. “I used to help out at my mother’s café, it’s called Topanga’s.”

“I’ve been there before, they had the best pastries in the world.”

Riley pulled out a bag that her mother had given her and handed it to Sam, “My mother gave me this before I left, she called it a little bit of home, so we can share it if you want.”

“This is great Riley,” Sam said opening the bag and sniffing its contents. “We’re going to be good friends I know it.”

“And all I needed was a bag full of pastries,” Riley said smiling before she heard a groan from the door making her jump.

“Could you help us?” Missy said as she walked in with a box in her hands. “The fast we get this over with the faster I can go to my school and get away from you all.”

“I’m just going to help them bring my things in,” Sam said gesturing towards the door before walking out with Missy.

Riley just stood there for a moment and looked at her room trying to find a place to start, after a minute there was a knock on the door and Riley was afraid to turn around. She slowly turned towards the door to see a familiar pair of eyes and rowdy hair, she couldn’t help but smile as Zay walked in through the door but she could feel a hint of something in him.

“I asked Lucas to let me come see you before he rushed over to proclaim his undying love for you,” Zay said as he walked into the room. “I figured we could talk.”

“I’ve been wondering why you’ve been avoiding me,” Riley said to him. The two of them had gotten closer over the years and if felt as if this past summer they had grown apart even though it wasn’t possible.

“I sort of was,” he said before settling on her bed. “Cassie and I broke up over the summer.”

Riley couldn’t help but gasp as the words came out of his mouth, she felt responsible for his heartbreak, she had been the one to introduce them. For a moment she didn’t know what to do, they had been so happy she couldn’t figure out what had happened.

“I know that face, and Riley it’s not your fault,” he said looking up at her. “Cassie’s mom got sick again and her doctors told her that it would be better if she lived somewhere calmer and less polluted, Cassie loves her family so when they said that they were moving to Florida she decided to go with them.”

“You broke up because you were going to be apart, but what if she wanted to come back?”

“That the thing, we don’t know what the future holds, but she wanted me to have the chance to be happy even if it wasn’t with her,” he said before the tears began to fall. “It just hurts so much to not have her here with me some days.”

Riley walked over to him and pulled him into her arms, it was the only thing she could do, because he had lost someone he loved, and it was going to hurt him for a while. They stayed quiet for a moment before the sound of her roommate and her family reminded her of her current situation, one that she didn’t want Zay to have to deal with.

“My roommate is coming, if you want to meet her you can stay,” she said and he nodded.

“I’ll stay,” he said smiling at her. “I need a friend, one that knows what’s going on.”

“You don’t want the others to know?”

“Not right now,” he said trying to clean his face so that the tear marks wouldn’t show. “If that’s alright with you?”

“Well if you want a distraction you’re about to get a big one,” she said with a sigh. “My roommate is Missy Bradford’s step-sister.”

“What,” Zay said looking at her with shock. “She’s not like Missy, is she?”

“I don’t think so, according to Smackle she’s a nice person, but for some reason a lot of things are clicking in place from what happened in middle school.”

“Riley,” Sam said from the door. “I brought the coffee machine… oh you have someone here.”

“Yeah, um… Sam this is my friend Zay,” she said introducing the two of them. “Oh, and I brought a mini fridge but it’s still in the box, so I hope you didn’t get one too.”

“No, actually now that I think about it I should have thought of that too.”

“Should I go,” Zay said but Riley shook her head.

“You can help us unpack,” she said to him before leaning towards him. “And help me get through this moment because I don’t think I’m ready for a faceoff with Missy.”

“You got it sugar,” he said smiling at the two of them. “Just tell me where to move things and I’ll help you.”

Riley and Zay had been quiet when the rest of the Bradford’s had come into the room, Sam’s mom was kind to them, but Riley could see Missy scowling at her. When her parents left Missy turned her attention to Zay and Riley and sneered.

“I guess Lucas didn’t stay after all if you’re with this one,” Missy said but before Riley or Zay could say something Lucas came in and towered over Missy.

“I stayed, we’re still together, and if you ever say anything to Riley, or Zay that would piss me off I won’t hesitate to punch you,” he said but Riley moved faster than she thought she could, pulling Lucas away from Missy and settling him next to Zay.

“Missy I don’t want any problems,” Sam said from the other side of the room.

“She started it,” Missy retorted but they all knew that that wasn’t true. “Whatever, you have your stuff now we can leave.”

“Okay,” Sam said before following Missy out. “I’m so sorry about all of that,” she said before closing the door.

Riley turned towards Lucas and put her hand on his face, “It’s fine she wouldn’t do anything around her father.”

“She shouldn’t have been here in the first place,” he said before pulling her close. Too many memories filled the air, the fear of everything that had happened to them over the years because of Missy, and her friends.

“I think I understand now,” Zay said and Riley looked up to him. “I’m guessing around the time she started bullying you in middle school was the same time her father had remarried, because that woman was not Missy’s mother.”

“I was thinking the same thing, and she lashed out at me because of who I was, and what I had,” Riley said with a sigh. “I was an easy target.”

The three of them stayed silent for a moment before Sam walked back into the room sighing, “I love my mother and my step-father, but I sometimes wish that Missy was a better person.”

“We all wish that,” Zay said giving Sam a smile and Riley knew that Sam was about to become a part of their little group of friends.

“I know about your history together, I hadn’t known when they had given me my roommate assignment that you were the same person, but I knew who you were, and trust me I’m nothing like my step-sister.”

“I know, I knew from the moment we spoke that you were a kind person,” Riley said with a smile. “Come on let’s unpack and then we can go to the freshman orientation and you can meet my friends.”

“Sure,” Sam said with a smile.

Riley understood at that moment that her whole life was going to change, because if she could see someone who tormented her over the years and still come out happy then she could survive college. It was going to be hard but she had her friends, her little family, her new roommate and she had Lucas who was willing to fight for her no matter what.

[evalocity]

Can you say something nice about mutuals you've interacted with who you think are closest to you? Can be as many as you wish, it's time to spread positivity😊😊

This is a wonderful idea boo, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to do this :) 

(it might be a bit long lmao here we go!)

@the-fierce-fangirl Ria, you were my first tumblr friend on here, in March 2018 we’ll have known each other for a year now ! I knew no one on here when we met, you reblogging my post was ?? a blessing ! someone noticed me ! and we started to talk, and you’ve been the purest and sweetest friend I could ask for. My birthday present ? That you freaking sent me ? I don’t deserve you. I just...there’s no words dear friend, to tell you how much you mean to me ;-; One day I’ll come to Poland and we’ll have tones of fun ! xoxo

@jasonblossomsghost Or, I remember when we first started talking. I was shy at first, but you seemed sweet, and honestly bless those swedish fish for starting our friendship. You’ve always been such a good friend, one that I don’t need to talk to 24/7 to know I can count on, and one that I’ve always wanted to defend because oh my god why are people in Kansas so annoying lmao. You’ve educated me on subjects that I knew nothing about and you’ve been there for me in dark moments, and I’m so so grateful. xoxo

@sapphic-spook Rose, you’re an amazing human. Idk if I could handle your aura irl, because just online you are such a ray of sunshine. You’re so nice and wise, your words can calm me down and make me feel better like no others can. Hell the apocalypse could me happening and you’d tell me to chill and I would :’) nah I think you’d know better than to tell me that x) but seriously, you’re amazing, and I just need to thank you for handling my panic attacks like the boss you are. I hope you’re happy, whenever I think of you I’m sending you tones of positive vibes because that’s what you deserve. xoxo

@addcolortomysky Em, it’s been a while since we’ve talked ! But that doesn’t mater, whenever I do an ask game I remember how much you love those and I tag you because making you happy makes me happy. Thank you for sharing my crazy interests, sharing them with you was hilarious ! I miss you, sorry for sucking at staying in contact :’) xoxo

@crazyreader1899 Hi Matata ! We’re mutuals and it’s been a freaking while since we’ve talked (I suck, I know). But nevertheless ! You know that meme where a guy is standing in an empty auditorium and waves and the text says something along the lines “me at that mutuals who likes all of my posts” well every time I see it on my dash, I think of you. Seeing you in my notifications always make me smile because you’ve kept up with my shit for so long now ?? You’re great, thank you, ily. xoxo

@izzyd03 Izzy !! You’re such a sweet human you know that ? I feel like I don’t do enough to let you know how much I appreciate you caring about me, like when you’d wish me good luck on my finals because you’d remember when they were ?? I’ve cherished those good lucks my dude, you’re such a good friend. Also your Instagram ? On point girl, you’re beautiful, you go. xoxo

@sugasugahanihani Bia ! Babe omg ;-; First of all, I want to apologize to you for being the worst™ and never keeping up with texting you I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me but please never doubt how much I care about you because you are !! the best !! I’m so dumb Idk how to express this friendship, you just mean so much ? You are so freaking sweet and I can rant to you and I can talk to you and you’re always there like omg I do not deserve you girl, you’re such a blessing. xoxo

@mr-bushido Hi boo ! We’ve been mutuals for hum a freaking while ?? I wanted to take a minute to thank you because you’ve actually helped me discover a bunch of k-pop groups and songs ! You’re a sweet mutual and I enjoy your blog very much. I hope you’ll have an amazing year 2018 :) xoxo

@yoonminfaketexts Hii ! I absolutely love your blog omg :’) I feel dumb rn because we don’t know each other but ! We’re mutuals and I really appreciate what you post so thank you for making me smile you’re not unnoticed xoxo 

@moonlightkth Bel !! Can we take a second to bless your fake texts because 1. They’re amazing 2. Without them I wouldn’t have known you ;-; Sharing BTS and Got7 with you ? An accomplishment™. I consider you like a little sister and I hope you know you can always count on me. xoxo

@nooowestayandgetcaught Hi Rie ! First, it’s been a while since we’ve talked I’m such a mess, but I wanted you to remember how great I always thought your writing was, as an author you’ve been an inspiration and I’m so proud of you ! Plus, you’ve educated me on some stuff, always being respectful and kind. Thank you so much. xoxo

@clap-your-hands-yo Kensley ! My fave NCT blog ;) and one of my fave blogs actually ! You’re hum so freaking talented ?? Like honestly when God made you he dropped all the damn Talent™ bottle Istg :’) When I think about you, I know it’s stupid but the first word that comes to mind if “perfection”. I’m proud of you for your grades, for the work you’re putting in learning my language, for being so sweet, for being you. xoxo

@lovingyoongi Hopi !! Babe ! I’m so glad everything is going well for you in Korea, oh my god. We’ve always simply shared our love for BTS together, but I really care about you and man, your happiness is mine ok ? Have a blast in Seoul, you deserve it all. xoxo

@emmcfrxst Pasc :) Idk if I should talk to you in French or English ? That’s kinda awkward :’) OH WELL. You are such a sweet human omg, always taking the time to make people feel better, always being so considerate, always trying to fight against problematic stuff to create a safe space for your followers. You’re awesome ! xoxo

@mintysugasweet Rae ! You’re a new friend, but you’re a friend I’ve liked immediately. You are so so nice ! Texting you has made my days better, would it be by sharing my theories with your (amazing, incredible, awesome, breathtaking) au, simply talking about our mutual interests or learning more about your experiences in Korea. I don’t remember how I’ve discovered your blog but the least I can say is that I’m so thankful I did. xoxo

@exoverdosed Chelsea !!! My fave blog on this hellsite omg ;-; Idk what to say without getting emo just thank you for being so great ? Your blog lets me keep up with our Kings, and your tags make it the funniest thing ever. I can always count on you for moral support and to help my clueless ass about what’s going on in the k-pop world. Ily, ot9 rule and yass you’re cool keep up being you. xoxo

@sugahobiby Lune, it’s been a while since we remade, I remember our first interaction being me trying to send you positive vibes because you were stressing out about uni. Look at you now ! I hope you know you can count on me to help you in all the ways I humanly can, would it just be someone to talk to. Also I live for your snapchat stories lmao it’s a blessing :’) xoxo

@noona-clock Hi you two ! I wanted to thank you for all your great reactions and fics, I always enjoy reading them they’re soft and really great ! You seem so nice and I hope you both have an amazing year 2018 :) xoxo

@baekphia Sophia, I’ve been following you for a while and when we became mutuals I was SO freaking happy ! You’re nice, you’re so much fun and it reflects in your blog that I enjoy a LOT. Have an amazing year 2018 filled with your best friends (EXO), your mutuals and followers, your sister and Bakehyun with his possible new album !! xoxo

@minnie-rocker-xx Hi boo ! We haven’t spoken that much because idk if you’ve guessed but I’m a MESS at keeping up but you seem so nice already omg ! Why don’t you send me a message detailing all of your interests so we can talk about them ? I’d love to know you more :) xoxo

@softminmin Tila, mY GIRL. It all began when I was just a casual fan of your fake texts, and then you noticed me and I proudly became your cheerleader™ (I still am btw no one is taking that spot.) ! And now we’re friends and omg Ilysm. It’s like we don’t have to force any conversations we just naturally connect. I feel like a copycat lmao because your feelings and your thoughts are the same as mine ? It feels so great to be able to share with you, honestly everyone deserves someone like you babe. Good luck on your finals, I know you can do it ! xoxo 

IT TOOK ME A FREAKING WHILE, and I hope I didn’t forget anyone !! I love you so much, not just my mutuals but all my followers and all the ones that I follow ! THANK YOU ANON XOXO 

[hobslobster-remade]

⚝⛄❄Happy Holidays!❄⛄⚝

  The holidays have arrived! This year, I’ve decided to do a small appreciation post just to celebrate everything good that happened this year, and to share my love with everyone who I met on this (sometimes slightly problematic..) site! As the holidays are a time of sharing love with the ones you care for, here’s a little something I’d like everyone to know before I get to specific people:

  Regardless of who you are and what you do, know that you are loved and will always be loved as long as I’m here. 2017 wasn’t the greatest of years, a lot of tragedies struck and left us feeling lost and alone so it’s especially important to keep our heads up and move into 2018 with a strong resolve, smiles on our faces. Let’s fly into 2018, hoping for success and happiness. Whoever you are, where ever you are, I wish you the best of years filled with joy, love and warmth. Times will be trying, not everything will go according to plan, but know that if we stick together and support one another we’ll get through it! Here’s to 2018, the year of love over hate, triumph over defeat, together over alone. 

                                        💝💝💝

   I’d like to thank some people especially for a wonderful year, so here it is 💝:

 1. @tae-strawberry

  Rahmah, my darling, my soulmate, my baby, my part time fake girlfriend, I love you. You were the first same age friend I made on here and I don’t think you understand how much that means to me. Every time you sent me a fake Hobi snap, the space reserved for you in my heart got just a little bit bigger. We have so much in common and we never had a dull conversation, I really missed not having you around these past few months. I cherish you so much and you’ve always been so kind to me, calling my hands “golden” and just generally taking care of me when I refused to do so myself. Thank you for being such a great friend (who I honestly couldn’t love more even if I tried), you’ve reassured me through the worst, written a fic for me (which was amazing by the way, but that’s to be expected), called me a meme and talked late into the night with me despite our time difference. I hope we can still be close friends in 2018 and that you receive all the love in the world. Stay healthy, stay hydrated and please don’t take on too much stress! I loved you when I first met you, I love you now, and I will love you in the future too if you let me. 💝

2. @taylorinthezone

  Taytortot my love, you’re a little brat but I love you anyways. We’ve known each other for what.. 3.. almost 4.. years now? That’s a LONG time Taylor Scheydt, I’m not good at keeping friends around so it says a lot that you’re still here. We’ve been through a lot together, you were the first to call me out on not being straight (much appreciated by the way) when I was still in denial. We met through some pointless conversation about Naruto on *cue the gasps* Google+ and ever since we’ve been friends. I watched you go through your Town of Salem phase, and get together with Adam (and then I watched you two break up..) and grow up to turn into this wonderful person. I’m so glad we’re still friends even though we don’t talk that much anymore, although when we do find the time to converse it always feels like we never stopped talking. I’m pretty sure our American vs. Canadian feud will never end, and that you’ll never stop greeting me by insulting me straight up but you know what? That’s what makes our friendship so special, thanks for always being by my side. I really, really, love you (and River you beautiful dog). Thanks for being a dork. 💝

3. @religion-agustd

  Hoo boy, strap yourself in Becky this is going to be a long ride. Mariana, my beautiful Brazilian soulmate, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told you that I love you, but I’m not going to stop because no matter how many times I tell you, it won’t be enough. I made a stupid joke, you followed me, I followed you, and in 2 days we were best friends. It’s crazy how fast we became accustomed to one another. You were the first person who ever gave me real advice on loving myself and who I’m turning out to be, your constant reassurances are a reason I don’t break down everyday (seriously how did I survive before you came along???). You spoke to me as if I was someone who mattered, despite my age, you respected my opinions and weren’t hesitant to share your own. I think I’ll forever love you for that, for telling me that I’m a valid human being with completely relevant thoughts and opinions of my own. Our relationship is one that I cherish a lot, it’s just so supportive and bright and constantly cheery! I love being able to reassure you because you’ve helped me so much that it feels like I’m useful, I love listening to you rant about nothing and being stupid with you. You stay up late for me (although, it’s summer there so you’d probably be staying up late anyways), honestly, I’m just in love with you and your beautiful personality. Not only have you been the best friend I could ask for but you share my love for Yoonseok and aren’t afraid to share it with the world (hence, our blog). I’m in awe of your outgoing, bubbly personality (even if you say that you’re not usually this charged with energy) and your ability to approach bigger blogs (because I’m honestly terrified of doing that). I need to keep this short so I’m going to wrap this up soon, even though I could probably go on for days. Thank you for being the supportive, kind person you are. You’ve endured a lot and I’m immensely glad that you got through everything using sheer strength and willpower. You’re an inspiration to me, and I know you joke about me being a younger version of you but that’s exactly what I aim to be. I aspire to be someone like you Mari, thank you for giving out love so selflessly. Let’s walk into 2018 together, hoping for better days filled only with happiness. You deserve it, boo. 💝

4. @taeboos

  Sarah! Rara! My wonderful smol bean! We haven’t been able to get to know each other too well but you were the second person that I ever approached on this site and let me tell you, it felt good to be welcomed with open arms. We bonded over our mutual love for Naruto, The Mortal Instruments and occasionally, hating on Dylan from Maximum Ride. I love you and your personality, let’s stay friends in 2018 as well, okay? I hope you’re surrounded by love and security in the new year, happy holidays! 💝

5. @tae-la-tiger  

   JIKOOK. This one word basically sums up our friendship to be honest.. no.. but really you’re so cute! Your blog is g o a l s and your love for Jikook is the best because I finally have someone to rant to! I know you’ve been busy lately, so I hope you’re taking care of yourself and focusing on what you need to focus on. I’m still in awe that you’re so nice and sweet to me, I feel so unworthy TT. ALSO, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GOT NOTICED BY BTS ON TWITTER WHAT A QUEEN. Laura, you’re just an adorable little squish and I genuinely hope that you have an amazing year in 2018. I hope we can talk more and be better friends! 💝

6. @aesthetic-local-trash

  Payton a.k.a the only one who will ever get my trashy jokes because she makes trashy jokes too. We only met a while back through Secret Santa but I’m already loving you! You’re so adorable and although we’re the same age, I have this overwhelming urge to protect you from the dangers of the universe. I know that you were affected quite badly by the tragic news that hit us 3 days ago, so I hope you’re taking care of yourself and being gentle with your recovery process. Everyone heals differently, so don’t feel too pressured to be back to normal immediately. I’m hoping to get to know you better in 2018 so that we can round up all the other ‘03 liners in this fandom and rope them into a gigantic group chat (because let’s admit, that would be awesome). I hope you’re taking things easy, school sucks and it’s even harder when your family doesn’t try to understand your troubles so just know that, as always, I’ll be here if you need to let off some steam. Please take care of yourself, 2018 will be the year of healing, let’s stay true to that okay? 💝

7. @biminnie

   MY FELLOW MLB ENTHUSIAST!!! I can’t believe I found someone who actually liked Miraculous Ladybug, you’re an actual angel. Talking about the plot and characters with you was so fun because you know so much and I’ve always loved digging a little deeper into the stories so that you’re not just getting the surface. Thanks for being so insightful and sweet (not to mention beautiful wow??), have an amazing 2018!

8. @hosseokss

  You love our sunshine and have given me permission to punch anyone who insults him ever again, what more can I ask for??? You’re an adorable human being who I’d love to get to know better (we hoseok stans have got to stick together, you know?). I know that these past days probably haven’t been the easiest for you, but please hang in there. We’ll get through this together, I’ll always be here if you need a little bit of sunshine. Thanks for sending me love and being my older sister. Here’s to 2018, a year of new friendship! 💝

9. @lcsees

  Lovely Lorna, we barely even know each other but I’m including you here because you’re such a kind person. Not only do you share my love for Daughter, but you were kind enough to send me a message when you sensed I wasn’t doing quite right. On top of everything, you’re an amazing writer! Let’s continue down our road to friendship in 2018 as well! 💝

10. @thestorythatneverbegan

  I made a stupid, informal request for a BTS outsiders AU and you’re now turning that into reality, thanks for being so sweet (and an incredible writer!). I think we can aim for friends in 2018, right? 💝

11. @jungkooksknee

   I know we don’t talk but you’re actually one of my longest standing mutuals so I just want to thank you for being such a kind individual who chose to follow me (because let’s face it, I’m hard to put up with). Have a wonderful 2018 filled with joy! 💝

(I’m going to ignore the fact that this list ends on an odd number because it makes me unreasonably uncomfortable.)

  Of course, I’m also sending all the love possible to my other mutuals:

    @laytmblr @taehyungswonders @kattyandd @mint-chapstick @taexguk @mrs-maknae @j1nsgf @taehyung-smiile @kayphamm @lanawalker18 @jinslaughter @sopeshighnotes @po-tae-hoe @otsukaresope @the-devils @sopehope @crithmum @syeokjin @cuteseokjin @je0n @hoodiejungkook @yougotnojams99 @uncool365 @a-vminism-pro @moonmom @bewareoftaehyung @jiminmochi-chimchim @punkvee @seokjinlesbian @muricairishbritlover @the-julienne-ihnat @aunnie-ssi @just-bangtantrash @humcreates @hobieism @kamjong-kai @ofsugas @redheadhobi @piedparkjimin @nebusin @stay-unique-different @baeforjjj @s-s-sugaplum + all of my followers

     That’s it folks! My appreciation post for 2017! I love you all and never forget that I’m here for you, it doesn’t matter if we don’t know each other. There’s a first for everything, right? And please, if I don’t talk to you first, it’s because I’m insufferably shy and don’t know how to put myself out there first, so message me first! I’ll try to be the least amount of awkward, I promise! I really do want to become better friends with all of you! 💝

❄⛄⚝ Happy Holidays~ ⚝⛄❄

[g-on-ef]

If it's ok, could I ask for a JonDami marriage proposal?

Of course it’s okay love ^^

Jon deserved the best, he was nothing but puresunshine, with a smile that can turn the grey skies to blue; he was an angelsent from the heavens to bless this world with his kind heart and gentle soul.

Which is why Damian Wayne was having trouble findingways to ask Jon the most important question in his life.

“Jon, you are the most important person in my life,yes even more important than my father so I have to ask will you do me thehonors of marrying me?”

“Meow,” Alfred the Cat said as he licked Damian’s nose.

“Woof,” Titus responded with a ‘moo,’ from Batcow.

“UGH! I know, I know that was the stupidest thing I’veever said! More important than my father? What kind of idiocy was that? Why notadd my mother to that list as well? Seriously I’m asking Jonathan Kent, love ofmy life to marry me and I make it about my father? What the hell is wrong withme?!”

“You want that list alphabetically orchronologically?”

Damian was startled by the voice that he let out ascream-he will forever deny it sounded like a small child’s-and turned to seehis brothers leaning against the rails of the batcave.

“What the bloody hell are you guys doing here?”

“You’ve been down here a while, Alfred was beginning tothink you fell asleep down here,” Dick answered him.

“Andyour boyfriend keeps calling us wanting to know if you’re alive and that you’retaking care of yourself,” Jason replied.

Damianblushed red at the mention of Jon calling his family to check up on him. Hisbeloved was always worrying about him finding ways to check up on him andmaking sure that he is properly taken care of.

“So,are you gonna call him or do we have to pass the message that you’re ignoringhis calls because you’re planning ask him the biggest question of his life?”Tim asked trying hard not to laugh at Damian’s reaction.

Damian’slight pink face turn into a scarlet red before he picked up Alfred and told Titusto follow him while he ordered Batcow to stay were he’s at before he headed upthe stairs ignoring his brothers teasing.

“Ifit makes you feel better baby bat I thought that was the sweetest thing you’veever said!” Jason called out, making Damian walk faster than he’s ever walk inhis entire life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Damianarrived home after a long and painful talk from his mother. After biddingfarewell to his father, grandfather, and idiotic brothers he headed to hismother’s house to have a talk with her.

Whenhe told his mother about his plans to marry Jon she was…ecstatic, hell thewoman was already planning on making a clone baby from his DNA and Jon’s,Damian had to tell her twenty times that he had to propose first.

Shesaid there was no one better to be his husband than the son of Super-Man, andno deserved his heart more than him. While he was happy for his mother’sapproval her ideas of a proposal were a little hectic.

Hewas not going to kill Luthor as well as all of Jon’s suitors and have theirheads implanted on a pole for him to see that he was worthy of Jon’s affectionsand no one else’s.

Aftercountless arguments Talia finally agreed to back off after, he agreed to showher the ring.

Hereyes gleam in happiness as she nodded her head in approval at the ring.

Asimple, yet elegant ringthat was worthy of Jonathan Kent. Talia could see that her boy put a lot ofthought into this ring, from the smallest detail to the engravement on theinside.

“YourSmile Will Always Be A Part Mine,”

Damian had to do everything to make sure thatshe didn’t cry, hell he already had to calm his father down when he asked himto walk him down the aisle when he asked Jon to marry him.

“Mother please don’t cry, if you do peoplewill think we are capable of doing it,” he used the same words on his fatherwhich calmed him down, his mother…not so much as she broke down and cried.

It took Damian half an hour to stop her fromcrying which is why he arrived so late at home.

Taking a deep breath, he grabbed Alfred andgot out of the car, he opened the door for Titus to be free as he took bothpets to the house that he and Jon were currently living.

Opening the door Damian released Alfred whowondered off while Titus headed to where Kyrpto was.

“Jon, Beloved, where are you?”

“Kitchen,” Damian walked over to the kitchenand saw his Jon cooking dinner, smiling at the beautiful angel he walked overto him and wrapped his arms around his waist, he then placed a kiss on hischeek making the boy giggle as he leaned into his touch.

“Hello my Love, how are you?” he asked as heturned his attention back to the food.

“All is well Beloved, I went to visit Mother,”

“How did that go? How is Talia?”

“She is doing well, in fact she wishes tospeak to you soon,”

“Okay, I’ve miss talking to her,”

It warmed Damian’s heart that Jon and hismother got along exceptionally well, the two surprisingly had a lot in common especiallywhen it came to appreciating the simple things in life.

“So, I made some sweet potato quesadillas,something simple since I am pretty sure you ate when you went to visit bothyour father and mother,”

Damian just smiled sheepish at his beloved’sstatement.

“And some of Ma’s blueberry pie,”

“Thank you beloved,”

Jon placed the plate in front of him and satdown next to him, the two ate silently, enjoying each other’s presence.

Damian stared at Jon, the man who loved himfor him. Saw him at his weakest moments and became the strength he needed. Sawhim break into shattered pieces only to have Jon slowly put him back togetherand cherishing ever part of Damian that he hated. Saved him from diving deepinto the darkest pit of his mind and help him find his way back into the light.Knew his doubts and the dangerous thoughts that plague his mind and Jon alwaysfound a way to silence his demons and released the chains that had held him toa past he believed he could never escape.

Jon knew everything about him, saw somethinginside him that knew deserved to be loved and cared for, and not once did heever leave Damian, even when Damian told him he’d be better off without him Jonshowed him he wasn’t going anywhere and he loved him to much to let him.

Jon loved Damian, and Damian will forever loveJon.

Damian reached for Jon’s hand and gave it asqueezed, one Jon was happy to return.

“I love you,” Damian whispered.

Jon smiled.

“I love you too,”

Damian lean forward and kissed him softly, akiss that expressed his love, his desire, and how much he appreciated Jon, hepulled back to see his beloved in a daze and eyes shining so bright it warmedDamian’s heart.

“I’m not good with words, you know that betterthan anyone hell you probably figured it out after our first meeting. Whether itwas me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or me refusing to speak how Ifelt I was always afraid to share my thoughts and feelings. But then, you camealong. This bright ball of sunshine that came out of nowhere and you…youchanged me Jonathan Kent, for the better. All the little things you did for me;making sure I got enough rest to function properly, made sure I ate something,or helping me out of situations I couldn’t get myself out of you were there forme to make sure I was okay both physically and emotionally.

I know that I loved you since the first dateand I will continue to love you till my dying breath maybe even after that. Your fire to my soul, bringingwarmth and love to it when it believed it was unworthy of such trivial things.I use to hate you, thought you were an idiot but then we got to know each otherand see there was more to each other than we thought, now…now I see that youand me, really could grow old, andI promise you Jonathan Kent that I will treat you right so I ask,”

Damiangot down on one knee and whipped the tears that were falling from his beloved’seyes before he pulled out the ring.

“Yoursmile was and always will be a part of mine so I have to ask, Jonathan Kent,will you make me the happiest man on the planet and marry me?”

Jonsmiled before he wrapped his arms around Damian and kissed him all over hisface making the youngest Wayne laugh. As he pulled back he nodded his head at arapid pace.

“Yesmy love, yes, yes! A thousand times yes!”

Damiansmiled as he slipped the ring into Jon’s right ring finger.

“Happy to hear that,” Damian said as hekissed Jon’s hand and then in a totally out of character moment jumped up andshouted,

“I’m getting married!”

Jon laughed at his fiancé’s excitement and atboth his father and brothers shouting what at hearing Damian’s news. No doubtthey’re gonna be hearing from them soon.

[daemon-knight]

Allen’s Rambling: Amazing Person Award

✨💛 This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you're amazing inside and out 💛

So... I got this message from Aster awhile ago, and after (more or less) surviving the blunt of some scheduling issues at work I finally have some time to do this little chain letter. Of course, me being me, I figured instead of sending these out to people I’d make a Rambling out of it. Consider this a promo in a way, I feel it’s better to publicly let these people know how I feel than just send a chain letter. 

Now, I didn’t have eight people to tag since... well, I’m a picky little bastard and all when it comes to who I write with, but yeah, let’s get started Allen’s Amazing Person Award/People Your Should Follow List... thing.

@waywcrdsouls

So I gotta’ start with the one that gave me the message in the first place, Aster. I have a lot of fun RPing with them. I’ll be honest, I was raising my eye at first when I first followed them since Alien OC blogs were real big at the time, but I’m impressed by not only how faithful they’ve stayed with their world and characters, but make them so enjoyable to both write with and read. I’m honestly surprised by the amount of thought Aster puts into developing Syn’s world, background, powers, and character development. I have no idea how they do it. I’m attempting to do world-building stuff in two stories I’m writing and it’s a pain for me to think up certain things. Aster has a talent for that sort of thing that I don’t possess. 

And Syn’s a fun character to both interact with and read. We decided to make them rivals as a pre-established relationship thing and I’m so glad we did. It’s not everyday your greatest rival/crush is an alien from a far off galaxy. And they play a decent Reimu too. While I personally doubt I’ll go back to the Touhou RPC for personal reasons, I wouldn’t mind being Sanae back just to interact with Aster’s Reimu.

Oh, but fair warning before following Aster, they like spinach as a pizza topping. Yes, that is disgusting, but if you can get over their OBVIOUSLY INCORRECT preference of pizza toppings, then give this guy a follow.

@uncorruptedchampion

If you were to ask me which my favorite character relationship between all the people Claudia has interacted with was, I’d say Rei’s Nero without a second thought. I love the fact that Claudia actually has a mortal enemy she hates and I’m so thankful to Rei for giving me the dynamic of demon knight and holy woman I’ve wanted. Real talk, I love writing conflict and dramatic encounters, and Nero guarantees that. Claudia might hate Nero with a blinding passion, but I love it when these two cross each other. It really let’s me play up the demon part of Claudia’s moniker. Nero’s probably the only person Claudia will cuss out without a second thought and I can’t get enough of it. Maybe Allen’s a masochist or something?

Also, out of curiosity, I did try my hand at Corruption of Champions a few months back to see what it was about and get an idea of the world Nero came from, and... Lord... 

Oh Dear Lord...

Oh Dear Lord Almighty in Heaven Above, that is a GAME right there. 

Oh Sugar Honey Ice Tea, that’s a +18 game if I’ve ever played one. How the hell Nero kept her virginity in that world I’ll never know, nor do I want to. Yeah, Rei wasn’t kidding when they said that was a NSFW game. That... that was a new experience right there. I’ve been tempted to give Fallen London a peek too, but... C of C has kind of made me wary now. Rei, how you finished that game I will never know...

@kyushukishin

I honestly wish I knew Vick in real life, I really do. I think we could drink cola together in a soda bar somewhere on the countryside and probably have heavy discussions about writing and whatnot. While I’m not as vocal as they is, we do share a lot of opinions in terms of how RPing is done on tumblr. One of these days I’m gonna’ have to really pick their brain about a few things in terms of RPing and writing just to see how our thoughts align and differ. 

And Hanako, man. Vick put in research I wish I put into my Japanese-esque characters back when I was RPing them. Seriously, this guy makes me wish I kept Amber as Kohaku and just bucked up and did my research on Japanese stuff. Honestly makes me want to redo my old Rambling on ethnicity. Admittedly, I know Vick more from my interactions with my delinquent character than Clauds here, but I recommend them all the same.

@soulwitch

You’d think given my hate-boner for OP characters and general bitching about power levels I’d hate writing with a character that was essential a universe-destroying witch. Well... I don’t blame you all for thinking such, but Jeanne is probably the one exception I’ll make, and maybe the only one too. I can’t really explain it myself, I just like how entertaining she is as a character. The charisma, the arrogance, it’s all good stuff to me. Taking an ‘all powerful airhead’ approach to an intimidating character isn’t knew, but it really works for Jeanne. 

Admittedly, I haven’t RPed enough with Jeanne-mun for any real plot or conflict to happen, but I’m looking forward to plotting something. Maybe bringing back Titty War for real this time? Who knows, only time will tell.

@verfolgxr

YOOOOSHIIIIIII!!!!

Man, Chaser, it was a blast from the goddamn past seeing you on my dash again. When Aster gave that promo and I saw you’re blog I HAD to see how things were going. Haven’t seen you since I left the Falcon Knights blog. 

Ah, but old partners aside, Chaser is probably one of the few people to actually intimidate me as a writer. Okay, intimidate isn’t the right word. Chaser makes me... question how I portray my characters, as since how seriously I take them. I make it no secret that I don’t tend to take my own (RP) characters too seriously. This is usually because I save the seriousness for when I do actual story-writing, and to keep myself from getting obsessively attach to my characters. 

And... well, Allen is a shounen-obsessed action whore, so... y’know.

But anyway, with Chaser and reading some of their stuff for Yoshi, I... feel like I disrespecting their approach with my own. The thought put into Yoshi and all Chaser’s characters is something I can really feel the heart in, as dark as some of those developments get sometimes. Back when I was still active on the Falcon Knight blog I felt so bad for how serious Yoshi took her relationship with FK while the two members she was closest to didn’t act the same way. It was in character, but it honestly torn me up on the inside a little.

My misgivings aside, Chaser’s a great RPer and recommend all you guys follow them.

@solemnspear

I... honestly have nothing in depth to say about Imu-mun. While I’m personally not familiar with Legend of Mana, seeing Imu’s character makes me wanna’ try the game out somehow. 

I think Imu and Claudia have a good dynamic, both warriors of high skill, both favoring a spear, both lesbians. I think Imu’s more abrasive and blunt nature would balance out Claudia’s friendly and polite nature... when she’s not in Demon Knight Mode anyway. And... y’know, another lesbian spear warrior is always welcomed. Allen’s also a yuri fanboy trash after all.

@cyansurvivor

Anyone willing to do this shit with me is a person that needs to be cherished, loved, and followed. That is all.

@lyccris

And last, but definitely not least, Glyph. Like with Chaser, I feel a bit intimidated by Glyph the same way I do with Chaser... well there’s a bit of a difference. While the heart behind Chaser’s writing intimidates me, the power behind Glyph way of writing Anima honestly makes me hesitate to plot with, despite having a whole AU based around their relationship of knight and empress...

Wait, calm down folks, Allen ain’t gonna’ bitch about power levels here, honest!

Jokes aside though, I specifically mean Anima’s position of power compared to Claudia’s intimidates me. Glyph’s writing aside, my intimidation here is for more mechanical reasons that just Allen being a shy guy. I researched a good deal about knights a few years ago, but I didn’t get much information on their direct interaction with royalty like Anima, so keeping Clauds in character around her is a bit of a challenge. Now I can obviously just do the research now, but... well, work’s been sucking my life away at the moment and poking as Aster, Rei, and Imu-mun with Claudia’s big spear is a bit easier than poking Glyph. 

Anyway, I enjoy reading a lot of what Anima does, and seeing someone competently write someone of power always interests and impresses me. Go give this one a follow!

I know I’m technically missing one more person, but again, I’m picky with who I interact with, so... I’m a little high and dry in that regard. And... I have to admit, calling you all by your mun names feels really weird. Like, now I know why we use to call people [Muse]-mun a few years back. This feels like I’m being way too casually, and I’m the guy that’s purposely using Allen as an alias.

Anyway, give these lovely people a follow and tell ‘em Allen X sent ya’!

[kagevama]

today, february 10th, 2017, marks the one-year anniversary of this blog. that is absolutely unreal!!! i have compiled a list of “thank you” paragraphs that came from my heart. here is the first:

to you (my followers and mutuals): thank you for staying with me on this journey from when i first started as a pastel haikyuu blog to now! all of you have encouraged me to become the person i am today, and i am so thankful for every single one of you.

you’re all such a ginormous part of my life, and you don’t even realize it. i get notifications on my phone (which i carry around everywhere) whenever someone likes/reblogs my posts, sends me an ask/message, or follows me, so i see everything. i take these notifications as reminders that someone out there is validating me and actually likes what i post and/or wants to interact with me. it gives me warm feelings inside and motivates me to keep blogging!

in addition, i love having you all to fall back on. i remember when i posted about failing one of my math exams, and i was (lovingly) bombarded with messages, asks, and replies filled with positivity and encouragement for the next test. that meant so much to me that i literally cried tears of joy. also, i received so many kind messages when i posted my hiatus post a few days ago; it meant the whole world to me. whenever i feel down, i always think about every nice thing that each of you have said to me and i become filled with contentment. you all are constantly on my mind & i am so grateful for having all of you in my life.

again, thank you so much for sticking with me. tumblr is such a big part of my existence and brings me so much happiness and enjoyment -- it wouldn’t if it weren’t for you: the people on this website. despite all of my flaws, like not being active and taking very long to reply, you’ve stayed with me. i have so much love for every single one of you. i wish i could give you a big hug (or a nice high-five/thumbs up if you’re not comfortable with hugs)!! here’s to another year <3

and here are some special “thank you’s” !!

kris @chinoy: you’re the one who introduced me to tumblr back in 2013. if it weren’t for you, i wouldn’t have had this place where i met so many amazing people, expanded my creative endeavors, and felt like i’ve actually belonged. you’ve been with me since i was still finding myself (from one direction to astrology), and above all, you’ve tolerated me -- even from when i was so close-minded and immature in the sixth and the seventh grades. i am so incredibly grateful for you. you probably think that this is rlly cringe and stuff, but still, i appreciate and admire you more than words can express. thank you for everything! love u homie

jade @mun-mirajade: you were the person who started it all. the person who single-handedly took a young, 5sos-obsessed teenager and changed her into a full-blown weaboo. it takes guts, and you did it. two of my fondest memories from the hell-hole that was 2016 was when we walked around the park near my house talking about anime. we sat on the bleachers overlooking the baseball field, and you told me about all of your headcanons about haikyuu. you also dragged me to fanime (even though i only watched a few animes at the time), and the experience was exceptionally more fond and memorable than anything i experienced that summer. thank you for everything. i love you so much bro

kate @gaysngreys​: i first met you at fanime 2016 -- you were the first cosplayer who i saw and thought, “oh my god. i wanna cosplay and look as amazing as them!” that was one of the most memorable fanime experiences for me because it was then when i seriously thought about cosplaying. thank you for being a mutual and for sticking with me for so long! i appreciate and admire you very much (nd you know that time when i visited your uni? it was because my sister applied there & she wanted to look at the campus -- it’s been on my mind a lot like “shit man. it’s hella creepy that i just showed up to kate’s university” but i swear that i didn’t intend to be!) thank you for all of the inspiration & memes you’ve given me :’)

lara @sugasets: LARAAAAA you’ve had such a positive impact on my life :’) i remember when you first followed me -- i am so glad that i followed back. you inspire me to become a warmer, more compassionate person. the amount of times that i’ve smiled because of the kind messages or snapchats that you’ve sent me are too much to count! you’re one of my biggest role models! i want to kick life’s butt with kindness and determination just like you do. thank you for proving to me that life isn’t so bad because of the people like you!! love u so much

mish @tobiohchan: i remember following your blog when i created mine. you were reblogged onto my dash multiple times, and i remember loving every single one of your edits (and i still do)!! the day that you followed me back, i was almost in tears because i couldn’t believe that you did. your graphics, gifs, and edits instill so much inspiration in me. your resource blog is so useful and i can’t thank you enough for everything that you’ve compelled me to create!! thank you so much for continuing to inspire me and for all of the kind support you give your followers :’)

aleena @dazaiosamu​: you were one of my first friends and mutuals on this blog, and you have seen more of me than almost everyone here!! thank you so much for showing me all of the kindness that you have. you’re one of my most favorite people, and i am so lucky that i’ve met and gotten to know someone as talented, intelligent, and compassionate as you. we’ve lost our snapchat streak multiple times, but i don’t think that i’ll ever be able to lose the respect and love that i have for you!!! soooo incredibly cheesy, but i mean every single word. thank you for being my friend :’)

anastasia @nanzse: you followed me a couple of weeks ago and it completely blew my mind away! your edits are all so gorgeous. to achieve the level of perfection that is your blog is a goal of mine!! thank you for following back and for motivating me to create graphics, gifs, and edits :) i have so much admiration and respect for you - i look up to you so much. thank you for continuously providing me with inspiration!

alicia @pliestsky: alicia!! you were one of my first friends on this blog! i’d firstly like to thank you for sticking with me for so long, and for all of your snapchats -- i love seeing them! you’re so talented, kind, and smart. i still can’t believe that you run an anime blog, a k-pop blog, and a k-pop twitter on top of golf & such! you’re such an organized person who has tons of time-management skills, and i hope to be like you one day. all in all, thank you for showing me so much kindness as well as for giving me loads of advice on school & graphics :’) love you lots!!

naz @oikawaisagenius: you’ve been following me for so long!! i remember constantly seeing you in my notifications, and i can’t believe that i only recently followed you. you’re such a kind, sweet person who literally deserves the entire world. thank you for sticking around with me for so long!!! i appreciate and value you to the moon back :’)

kenma @kozumek: hey kenma!! i know that we don’t really talk, but it’s been a privilege being your mutual. i genuinely enjoy your presence on my dashboard -- i truly appreciate you and your aesthetic so much. it hurts my heart whenever i see you sad; in my eyes, you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but the best. thank you for continuing to follow me & for all of our interactions!! 

lucy @yachii: lucy!! we don’t talk often, but i still consider you to be one of my tumblr friends. thank you for all of our interactions (including all of the puns that you’ve rejected). you’re such a chill, kind hearted person, and i strive to be like you someday. your aesthetic is also so incredibly gorgeous & it’s been a true privilege being your mutual. thank you for showing all of the kindness that you have, and thank you for being a cool person in general!!

pau @hiwazumi: pau!! ahh i just wanted to thank you for being such an inspiration for me. your edits, graphics, -- everything you create is so gorgeous and exceedingly inspiring to me. you’re such a sweet, talented person

nicole @malkii: nicooolleee ahhhh where do i begin??? i find it so crazy that we’ve only known each other for a couple of months. you’ve quickly worked your way into my life -- in fact, you’re my #1 best friend on snapchat! you’ve probably seen a whole lot more of my life than anyone on this website. we’ve shared so many memeories already, too. from oipepe to talking about who our crushes are, i cherish each one. i value and appreciate you so much, u furry. thank you for snapchatting me, sending me your lame puns, and (most of all) for being my friend. words can’t describe how much i love you!!