#seriously though! ive never been into this crap before

[that1nerd-20]

Getting into monster fucking fics because of Halloween time > celebrating Halloween like a normal person

[kookslastbutton]

Too Late to Dream ༓ jjk (m) || ch. III

✑ Summary: You did it. You married your college professor. You even bought a house together. Against all odds, everything had fallen into place. But after two years of marriage, you begin feeling something was missing. You want a baby but your husband can’t say the same.

Pairing: economics professor!jungkook x fem!artist!reader

AU/Genre: angst, smut, fluff, marriage au, age gap, series

Rating: M, 18+

Word Count: 3,375

Warnings: 8-year age gap, big flashback of bromance between Tae and JK, slight drunkenness, family drama in-laws, imperfect relationship with parents, pent-up issues/desires, jk has daddy issues, mentions of therapy, kookie trying to be a good husband, needy kook 😶

Now Playing: Make It Right, Tryna Be, Infinity, It Will Rain, Heaven+

A/N: chapter 3 is here! I know its so short 😩 but I promise it sets up the next chapters really well! Also, I wanted to get into jk's background a little this time, his undergrad days, and Taehyung of course. It's a big leap but they're older now so...meh. Tysm for everyone's patience! 💞

<< ch. II ༓ ch. IV >> | series masterlist

There weren’t many people Jungkook envied in his life. He was 34 years old, had top-notch experience as an economist within the business and legal sphere, and taught at one of the finest universities in South Korea. He also earned his Ph.D by the time he hit 30, which was undoubtedly the cherry on top.

But if there was one person who could shake the ground from under his feet it would be Kim Taehyung.

The pair met during undergrad through mutual friends. Jungkook had been invited to an off-campus party his first year and Taehyung was an unexpected third party. The man was so put together that it was as if Michelangelo himself reached down and sculpted him from the clay.

16 years ago

“Hi,” a low, baritone voice rumbles. “I’m Taehyung.” He sticks his hand out, waiting for a shake. He’s a little timid but mostly stands upright with a few pieces of his caramel hair falling over his eyes.

Jungkook chuckles at Taehyung’s stark formality. “What’s up, man!” He slaps Taehyung’s hand casually. “Jeon Jungkook.”

Taehyung reeks of sophistication and has the most annoyingly gorgeous face. His boxy grin could charm the pants off anyone who was two feet from him. Hell, even Jungkook feels a little starstruck by him.

Though barely acquaintances, it doesn’t take long for Jungkook to realize they are on opposite ends of the same stick.

Taehyung comes from a wealthy upper-class family. They have four mansions plus a beach house. Every Christmas, he goes to Italy to visit his aunt and uncle. For his 18th birthday, Taehyung got a brand-new Corvette, red with black rims. Everyone wants to be him…everyone wants a piece of Kim Taehyung.

But underneath the surface of his flashy lifestyle is something oddly endearing. Jungkook can’t quite put his finger on it but as the night goes on, he enjoys the man’s company. Taehyung seems to latch onto him as well which shocks both of them to the core.

“Seriously hyung,” Jungkook slurrs. “I don’t know why you’re hanging around me this whole night when you could be getting off with one of the fifty girls who’ve come up to you. Are you playing it cool are you really a loner or something?”

Taehyung snatches the beer bottle from the younger’s hand. “That’s enough drinking for one night Jungkook. You’re about to pass out, I can tell.”

“I’ll decide when I’ve had enough.” Jungkook grabs the bottle back, taking a big slug before wiping his mouth off with his arm. “Something to know about me Taetae. I live by the work hard, play hard kinda philosophy.”

Taehyung cringes at the pet name but chalks it up to Jungkook being off his rocker. “That’s the type of philosophy that’s gotten my family to spend millions on useless crap. It’s fun for a while but it never lasts. I don’t recommend it Jungkook.”

Jungkook snorts. “So you are a loner huh? Because my parents have been stuck in the same loop for years. All work, no play. It’s caused them both to lose every hair on their head. Do you wanna lose your hair by the time you’re 45 Tae? I wouldn’t think so with those luscious locks of yours. Bet some chick would love to yank on them while–”

“I’m not a loner.” Taehyung interrupts, feeling a surge of embarrassment creep up his cheeks. He knows the looks people shot at him and while he didn’t entirely hate it, it always took more than it gave. All he wanted in those moments was to retreat into himself with his paints. Taehyung loved art and like many, found it therapeutic. “I’m not a loner,” he repeats. “I’m just not interested.”

“Sure you’re not buddy.” Jungkook gives a nod but remains largely unconvinced. “But you didn’t answer my question. Why you hanging around me? I’m not that cool ‘cause if I weren’t here, I’d be at the library right now with my nose in the books. Economics doesn’t slap all the time you know.”

Taehyung is silent for a moment before answering.

“I feel like a normal person with you," he starts. "Everyone looks at me like I’m some spoiled golden boy who they can get a free ticket of off if they talk sweet. And yeah, I’m aware of the advantages I’ve had…the struggles most people have that I don’t. But I’m still a real person that wants what most people do...purpose, belonging, someone that just gets them.”

Taehyung takes a breath before continuing.

"I really fucking love painting. It’s my heartbeat honest to god and I’m tired of being looked at as merely an object of someone’s unfulfilled wishes and desires. I like that I don’t need to worry about that with you. I think...we come from different backgrounds but we’re cut from the same cloth Jungkookie. Oh, are you-are you crying?”

“Fucking beautiful Taetae. You’re straight out of Vanity Fair you know that? I’m more of a Forbes magazine guy myself though.”

Taehyung throws Jungkook a puzzled look. Is he being condescending or is this just the booze talking?

“‘Cause I’m a small-town boy with great ambition, intelligence, and gall? We covered this earlier man, keep up!” Jungkook emphasizes his words, hands flying about.

“Right,” Taehyung joins in, recalling the conversation. “You’re father is an analyst for the city and your mom’s an accountant. They want you to get a job nearby after graduation but you don’t want to because–“

“Because it’s too small, boring, set in its traditional ways, and I for one am not fucking with it.” Jungkook sends Taehyung a lopsided grin. “You got a pretty good memory man. Maybe we can be friends after all.”

“I’m so glad,” Taehyung drawls, a slight trace of sarcasm. Jungkook doesn’t notice, however, too busy staring at the strobe lights dancing across the ceiling.

“Hey!” he suddenly pipes up, eyes wider than before. "What are you doing next Friday?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Why?”

“I got this boring family reunion to go to. Happens every year. I don’t wanna go but my parents force me to. You wanna come?”

Taehyung hesitates. “A family reunion? I know I said we’re cut from the same cloth, but we’re not…related Jungkook.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll ask my parents if I can bring a friend. They won’t give a shit as long as I’m there. Also, I heard from my brother that Ha-Yun’s gonna be there.”

“And Ha-Yun is…?”

“Some girl that my parents want to set me up with. Family friend’s daughter. I went to high school with her.”

“So you think that if I’m there I can be your right-hand man or something? Make you look good in front of your future wife?”

“Fuck no. I’m hoping she’ll go to you instead.” Jungkook laughs when he sees the color draining from Taehyung’s face. “It’s nothing against her bro. She isn’t weird or anything. I say this lightly but, I just don’t wanna go out with her and she’s not my type.”

“I’ll think about clearing my schedule for this but I’m not being your meat on a stick,” Taehyung seethes. “But since we’re on this topic, what is your type?”

“Mm, not sure.” Jungkook shrugs. “Someone who’s unexpecting I guess. Like you shouldn’t be together because it's outside of the usual. But you can’t help it. You gotta have this person or it’s over. What about you?”

“Easy,” Taehyung mutters. “I like artists.”

“Artists huh? Like you? Well, I guess I can understand.” Jungkook smirks before leaning his head back against the couch. “One day, I’ll find an artist for you Tae. I promise.”

Oh, the irony.

present

“Jungkook, stop! I need to get up.” You struggle in his arms, biting back a grin. Jungkook has you in a locked position. His hard chest presses close against your back and his leg hugs your body.

“Mm,” he groans. “It’s not time yet.”

“Yes, it is. Also, you’re nearly suffocating me.”You wiggle your body but to no avail. Your husband always tends to get needier as the school year approaches.

"I just don't want you out of my arms yet. Is that a crime now?"

No. No it's not, you sigh to yourself. By this time next week, you’ll be waking up to an empty bed. "Okay." You glance at the alarm clock. "Ten minutes and then I really need to get ready for work."

"Fifteen," Jungkook mumbles.

"Twelve."

"Thirteen."

"No. It's twelve or I'm going now." Jungkook gives a cute grunt and tightens his grip. He really doesn't want you to leave this morning.

"Fine," he says. "Twelve. But we're snuggling again tonight."

"Jungkook. Can't. Breathe." Being spooned by your husband is nice but this isn't spooning anymore. He's completely cacooning himself over you. As soon you feel him shift his weight off you, hand loosening from your waist, your ribs hum in relief.

After what seems like three minutes of complete silence you decide to bite the bullet and ask the question that's been on your mind for the last couple of days.

"Um Jungkook?"

"Yeah?"

"When we went to get ice cream the other night. There was something that happened...to you." You're uneasy bringing it up but you can't shake your concern. When Jungkook saw the little girl with her dad, he went into a bit of a trance. He didn't talk, didn't move, and was pretty numb to your presence all together.

"Oh god," Jungkook groans. "I was hoping you didn't notice but you're my wife so I guess it's fine."

Crap. Was this a sore subject for him? You twist your head over your shoulder, just enough for your ear to be near his lips. You're in high alert now. "Why weren't you hoping I noticed?"

"Isn't it obvious? It's embarrassing." Jungkook smacks his lips before continuing. "But do we really have to talk about it? Spilling ice cream on my shirt at 34 isn't something I really wanna relive through early morning conversations."

Oh he thinks....of course he thinks that's what you're refering to.

"I'm not talking about you being clumsy Jungkook. I'm talking about the little girl with the ribbons. When she was with her dad, you kinda went a little frozen."

Jungkook doesn't reply immediately so you prod him a little. "I just wanna know if everything was alright. I suppose with our current situation I get it if it hit you in a sort of way. Good or bad, whatever the feeling was, you can tell–"

"They seemed happy is all," he croaks, voice dropping an octave. "The kind of happy that makes someone's entire soul stop, I guess. Like they had something special that no one else could. Does that make sense?"

If you look down you think you'll see goosebumps. The words coming from your husband's mouth are, at most, mumbles but they aren't coming from a place of unease or hesitation. Instead they allude to something warm, wholesome, and new.

"Yeah of course, it makes perfect sense. I had a similar experience when I met Si-woo. The way his face light up when he saw his mom comforted me but I felt envious too. Is that wrong of me?"

"Not at all. I think it's a natural response when you see something you want but don't currently have. You know, there was one thing that popped in my thoughts while I watched that father and his daughter..."

"Hm?"

"I thought, maybe I'll be happy too. If we actually have a kid, we'll be happy together like them or something." Yawning, he continues. "I dunno, honey. Kinda sleepy still so if I fall asleep I love you and I hope work goes well. But we can keep talking if you want."

You untuck your hand from under your head and close it over your husband's arm; the one draped around your waist.

Hope. Real hope.

"Dammit why won't you open?!" Jungkook bangs the jar on the side of the kitchen counter. He's been trying to get it open for the last five minutes. With you at work, it's his turn to prepare dinner.

"Take a breath kid," Yoongi says from the other line of the phone.

Jungkook ignores him of course, continuing beat the shit out of the jar in his hand. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. You stupid jar!"

"Kid!" Yoongi tries again, this time grumbling. "Stop doing that and go get a butter knife or something to hit the side of the lid with. It'll pop right off and I won't sue you for making me go deaf."

"Hyung–"

"Oh I thought you didn't call anyone that anymore. Now that you're a real boy and all. With big boy things." Jungkook shakes his head, hearing the older man snort through the speaker.

"You been talking to Taehyung?" That big mouth, he's become as bad as Jimin. What happened to the more reserved Tae he met in undergrad. He likes him better than this new, cocky mf.

"He may have slipped out a thing or two. But I'm glad to see you're still scared shitless of me that you'll keep calling me hyung."

Jungkook slams the jar on the counter, having enough. "Why the fuck did you call hyung? Can't you tell I'm a little busy right now."

Yoongi chuckles. "Alright I'll stop picking on you. I need a favor. The wife and I want to go out just the two of this weekend. I know you got your professor duties starting but would you and __ be willing to look after our gremlins for a couple hours Saturday?"

"Uh–I'm gonna have to talk to __ about this but maybe?" You and him have babysat for Yoongi's twins a handful of times before. They get a little rowdy but it's been mostly fine. Jungkook's not sure if either of you have the energy or time this weekend though. "I thought you usually got a babysitter."

"Yeah, usually but they're unable to this weekend. I'm hoping this time the babysitter will be you and __. We won't be long but we'd really appreciate it if you guys could do this for us. Could you maybe let me know by Thursday if you can?" Yoongi waits for an answer.

"Yeah alright," Jungkook finally responds. "I'll talk to __ about it when she gets home. No promises though." Jungkook wipes the sweat from his brow. It was a little hot in the kitchen. "Listen Yoongi, I gotta get back to prepping dinner but thanks for that tip about opening the–"

"Jungkook! Hello?" A familiar but muffled voice hollers from the front door. "Are you home?" The door bell is pressed continually without rest.

"Uh my ears," Yoongi pipes. "Who the hell is at your door?"

Jungkook walks towards the front of the house, peaking out the window. What the fuck are those two doing here? "Damn it, I gotta go hyung. My parents have decided to pay an unexpected visit." Before Yoongi has time to reply, Jungkook ends the call.

fuckfuckfuckfuck, he repeats under his breath. Could they not have called beforehand? It's a friggen' ten hour drive. Did someone die or something? Why are they here?

"We can hear you Kookie," Jungkook's mother coos in a sing-songy tone. "No one died. We just wanted to see you and __."

Jungkook opens the front door, not even caring if his face shows he's pissed off. "Mother it'd be nicer if you, I don't know. Planned these things?!"

"I told you," Jungkook's father grippes. "I told you woman, didn't I? We should have called. You never listen to me!"

"Oh shut up you goat," Jungkook's mother pushes her way through the door and into the house. "My son loves me and he's happy to see me." She wraps her arms around Jungkook's waist and presses her cheek against his arm.

"Yeah," his father steps in the house. "He's just jumping with joy with that silly apron on. C'mon, he was obviously in the middle of something. Ugh I'm sorry son. Your mother is, well, you know how she is." He slips out of his shoes and shuffles to the kitchen. "Whatcha cooking anyway? Something good I bet."

Jungkook rubs his face in agitation. __ is not gonna like coming home to his parents running around the house.

"You're not mad at me are you?" His mother lifts her chin, big doe eyes just like his own. "We just missed you and we figured you'll be busy with teaching soon so...we just decided to drive down last night."

Trying to smile, Jungkook brings his arm around her. "No, no I'm not mad. I'm glad to see you and __ will be too."

"Jungkook, why the hell are your parents here?" You force yourself to keep a low voice. Your in-laws were steps away and they had the sharpest pair of ears you knew. You didn't want them to hear a single beat.

Your husband pulls at his hair, pacing small circles around the bedroom. "Trust me, I didn't invite them. They just showed up. I don't even know why they're here besides they just wanted to. I'm really sorry."

You yank your silk blouse over your head, tossing it in the hamper. "I love your parents but you're gonna need to tell them this can't be happening." You change into a basic t-shirt and jeans. "I know they're probably a little lonely with you and your brother so far away but I'd be a far better host with some pre-warnings."

"I know. Mom's just so-" Jungkook pauses, scratching his head. "Persistant...and dad will do whatever she wants."

"Look I get it. Saying no is hard when they just want to see us. But what if we had something going on tonight?"

"You're right, you're right," he sighs. "I'll try bringing it up to them."

"Anything else new happen while I was gone?" You mean it as a joke. You really do. Jungkook gives you a look that says yes though. Excellent.

"Well, uh...Yoongi hyung asked if we could babysit Saturday. Him and the Mrs want to go out but thier regular babysitter isn't available that night."

Groaning, your shoulders slope down. "Wha–uh at this rate why the hell not? I was just looking for more things to do."

"Honey," Jungkook makes his way over to you. "We don't have to if–"

"You guys still in there?!" Jungkook's mother intrudes, pounding on the door. "You better not be having coitus! Though grandchildren would be nice if that were to ever be in the cards."

"Coitus?" You mouth silently. Jungkook's parents were a little old fashioned sure but who the heck still says coitus?

"We'll be out in a second. Can you and dad set the table?" Jungkook responds, girmacing at his mothers word choice.

"Okay but wrap it up in there. I'm only here for two days. I wanna see my beautiful daughter in-law!"

You and Jungkook immediately exchange a slack-jawed expression. "What?" With the door thrown open, your husband's eyeborws furrow. "Mom you can't be serious."

"Oh don't look so worried!" The older woman lets out a restrained chuckle. "We're not gonna stay in the house with you or anything. We got a hotel. But ten hours is a long drive and I really wanted to see you. Your father and I don't hear from you often and you didn't come to the last family reunion. What do you expect us to do? Just not see our son?"

"Please don't say it like that Mom," Jungkook combs his fingers through his hair, teeth grinding together. "You know that __ and I are–"

"Always happy to see you!" You rush next to your husband who's startled by your sudden change in demeanor. "Jungkook's just been a little anxious about returning to the university. But we'd love to spend a couple to days with you and dad. Let's start with dinner!"

You usher everyone down the hall and towards the dining room. Jungkook's mother is filled to the brim with joy while your husband slightly, actually very, concerned.

A/N: Apologies for any editing errors! Also close to adding some spicy stuff but we gonna wait on that a little longer 😉 Lmk what you think and if you wanna join taglist comment or send an ask. Thanks!! 😙💗

Masterlist

Taglist:

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no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

my long ass avery rant that might not make sense but i love her and needed to make this.

a huge rant about my love for avery (i swear im not hating on anyone (except for avery haters... sort of. i respect your opinion but...)) i think the end of my rant makes more sense than the beginning...

IVE MADE A POST ABOUT THIS BUT ILL SAY IT AGAIN. STOP OVERLOOKING AVERY'S TRAUMA. SHE IS SO UNDERRATED AND SUCH A COMPLEX CHARACTER AND I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE IGNORING HER. PEOPLE IN THIS FANDOM BARELY POST ABOUT HER AND IT'S UNBEARABLE (LIKE NO HATE CAUSE I LOVE ALL THE LYRA POSTS BUT HOW ARE PEOPLE POSTING MORE ABOUT A CHARACTER NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT AND NOT AVERY??? LIKE I SAID NOT HATE, I EAT THE LYRA POSTS UP).

she's literally the best character in the series. the brothers don't even come close to her. people who are mad at her for not picking grayson can actually just shove it up their ass bc gray and avery would've never worked out in the long run. avery is a queen and i see people hating on her for so many stupid reasons. not picking gray? giving away the money? being an emily 2.0????????????????????????????? don't even dare compare my queen, my love, my everything to that wretched beast who is now rotting in a coffin underground. some people making reviews on goodreads seriously need to get a life and touch some grass.

as im rereading the main trilogy, i'm writing down quotes from avery so i can make an in depth analysis of her character. it might suck and it will definitely be multiple parts but if no one is gonna acknowledge her trauma, i will. i'm sick and tired of people constantly ranting about grayson and other characters when avery is literally the main character. none of this series would exist if it weren't for avery. the fact that some people are willing to defend their favorite characters when they hurt avery is so so sad to me. like, i love jameson with my entire heart, but treating avery like a puzzle and messing with her self esteem was not cool of him. same goes for grayson and him treating avery like a shitty gold digger who 'hasn't struggled like he has'

i've made posts about this before but i feel the need to make another one. i've seen people defend grayson for treating avery like shit in the first book (some people do it as a joke which is fine but some people are actually serious and it confuses me??). i get that grayson was mad and disappointed that his grand father disinherited him after a lifetime of being told he was going to inherit. his feelings were 100% valid. did he have the right to take it out on avery though? no. not at all. this girl is even more confused that he is and has been nothing but kind to him. him invalidating her feelings and treating her like crap is just so shitty of him. don't get me wrong. he has redeemed himself and i do love him, but seeing people defending him (in a serious way) just gets on my nerves. would you like to be treated the way avery was in tig? i think not.

i'm not as mad about jameson bc 1. he apologized on 'screen' and 2. i don't see people defending him as much as grayson (i don't think i've ever seen a post defending him which is good). i love him too, and what he did was also horrible. i better not ever see a post defending him. his actions are explainable but that doesn't justify them. he really messed with avery's self-esteem, so much as to make her doubt his feelings towards her. the only reason i'm not as mad as with the grayson situation is bc i don't see people defending him as passionately (if at all).

i see this happen in so many fandoms. people gush over the male love interest or the male main character and completely ignore the fmc. the only fandom i don't see this happening in is the folk of the air fandom. jude is getting the attention she deserves which makes me so happy. people willingly ignore what the fmc goes through at the hands of their favorite male character just bc they love them and that is just so absurd to me.

anyways, avery has been through so much fucking trauma it would take me hours to go through it all. she grew up with almost no one by her side, learning how to take care of/protect herself, lost her mother at 15, her best friend moved away a few years before her mom died, her father treated her like dog shit and completely ignore her for her entire life until she inherited the money, she lived in her car, worked her ass off at school and at work to simply keep herself alive, had to deal with drake (although she wasn't his girlfriend, he clearly affected her if she was willing to move into her car bc of him), was almost killed by drake (and, indirectly, skye), sheffield, and eve (and kidnapped by sheffield), it was mentioned in tfg (i believe) that there were other attempts on her life in between thl and tfg, dealt with people constantly belittling her trauma (and her) and saying horrible things about her, she deals with horrible panic attacks after everything she's been through, also deals with crappy self esteem (that was made worse by some of the hawthornes), her privacy was constantly invaded, and, this one is more subtle, but there are instances where she thinks (or does) self harm (like the scene in thl where she's purposefully trying to hurt herself by punching the brick wall blocking off toby's wing. both oren and jameson had to step in to help her). all of these things clearly affected her but barely anyone talks about it? i'm probably missing some things but i just wish she got more attention. she is one of the most forgiving (literally too forgiving. she's willing to forgive people so easily bc she wants to be wanted (but doesn't want to want to be wanted) and have friends)

this girl is much stronger than anyone gives her credit for (the hawthornes would never survive in the 'asylum where they raised her' (whos afraid of little old me by taylor is definitely her song)). this rant is probably all over the place and is really long (but definitely won't be the last). thank you for attending my ted talk.

[the-cpu-system]

HI i'm new here but i'd LOVE to hear more about your self ship !! and also some handsome jack (+ self-ship?) headcanons 🙇‍♀️✨ do you have any AUs or do you usually stick to canon timeline?

HI!! Sorry this is so late, I need smthin to do in class so im responding to this now lol.

Sorry if this isn't good?? I don't do well with vague questions, BUTTT you wanna hear more about my self ship hmmm?????

I'll give some info about just me and Jack !! Not my self insert. Soooo.. hm. Me and Jack are married!! He's my wife. Not my husband, my wife. I'M his husband. Don't ask ab any of this, its hard to explain. He's my wife. I've liked Borderlands for a little over a year? My ex (at the time boyfriend ig) introduced me through Tales!! Holojack, actually. He was my first introduction to the characters. I do NOT selfship with Holo, though! This is a thing that's like. important! I don't selfship with Holo!!

Me and Jack got together sometime in the middle of my relationship with my ex? Kinda near the end of it. It was me and my exes like,, 4th break up or something. I needed comfort in something and Jack was there! That's when I started to get into Borderlands more and really started to dip into the fandom. He stayed my wife even when I (unfortunately) got back with my ex. Our last real breakup was actually decently recent I'd say, and Jack was there for me :). He's been with me ever since!! I made my self insert when I first started selfshipping with Jack (at that time I didn't even think I was ficto or actually seriously selfshipping) and now he's just slipped away from me and become an oc lol.

Just a little ago, I also got with Mordecai!! He's my gf. He's not my main f/o, but I do talk about him occasionally. It's kinda hard to most times with how unpopular he is? lol.

I do usually stick to canon! With my s/I (Max) x Jack, there's slight canon divergence by the verrry end of it all. Important, sure, cus Max gets Jack to stop with the vault and colonizing Pandora and crap. BUT, everything else is exactly the same! And with Mordecai there's no canon divergence.

The only AU I really have is BnB au? Dragonkeep? I sometimes dabble in that cus I'm a sucker for fantasy. Max is a helf-elf druid, by the way. In BnB.

Jack headcanons!! Yea!! Ive got a lot, mostly silly, but here's a few:

ive said this before but, demiboy (technically). He just says he's a dude. Doesn't correct people when they use he/they for him.

His scar is blue still! It's never not blue. (his scarrrr.. drooolsssss)

He has a prosthetic eye! Glass, not cybernetic. I know a lot of people hc him with an ECHOeye, but idk I just don't think he'd be comfortable with cybernetics

Hes a bottommmmmmm. Switch, actually, but bro likes being dominated (this isn't really a hc ig? This is basically canon)

YEA!!! I'm bout to go to lunch so this is all you're gettin. Sorry it was long!! Hope this answered tho!!

[master-of-fluff]

Bit of a rant

Istfg I just stepped in dog crap again because no one wants to train the dog or take it out long enough to crap or whatever it is that it needs and I'm so tired of it and so pissed both because of m poor sock and for the dog

Because I knew this would happen when my dumbass sister said she wanted a dog I freaking told my stupid parents not to get he damn dog.

she didn't take care of her rabbit and her guinea pigs so what in the hell made them think she'd take care of, train, and clean up after a dog?

Her? The same person who threw a crying screaming on the ground tantrum because my brother threw a damn 'party' in the same roblox server as her at the same time as her at fucking 11 years of age? The same intutled brat that throws a fit when asked to do any chores now at almost 13? And you thought this would be a good idea?

How can anyone be this stupid????

Oh and they wanna complain about her animal neglect now?

Where was this when she didnt wanna take care of the other pets anymore? Oh wait they probably didnt even notice because instead of being responsible parents and fixing the mistake of buying an animal for someone who wasnt ready for one like most parents would via taking the animal on as their own they just made their eldest, me, do it.

And i knew it was an especially bad idea since they didn't even bother to learn enough about those last three pets or this one, or any of our pets to know what they needed and then got sad when the dang rabbit and pigs died earlier then they should've even though i and my friend told them they need better cages and bedding but we were "just kids and they were adults so we didn't know better then them and what we were talking about" (wtf was my dad on when he said that he's literally never had a pet before cuz my grandma on that side is literally scared of animals)

And now that iv made it clear that I'm not going to be the one to do it again (I mean ofc ill take him out sometimes if asked I'm not gonna be cruel to the poor thing it didn't ask to be here anymore then I did but there's no way in fuck I'm gonna go out of my way to take care of it like I tried to with the others like iv been down this path quite a few times and I'm not going down it again) they have to deal with it and surprise, surprise! they like it just as much as raising their kids (barely tolerating it)

Istg I wanna give that dog to someone else that'll actually take care of it, hell even my sister wants to give it to someone that'll do a better job but my mom is like

"no we take time care of him fine and the toddlers are too attached to teddy it would hurt them" it'll hurt even more when we're all in the hospital for breathing in too much dog poop bacteria that's probably permanently imbedded into the carpet and then animal services or whatever take him by force since no one but me actually cleans it up and only if its in my room or a communal space like seriously I'm not cleaning it up if its in my brothers room istg that is as much my responsibility as the dog itself is my responsibility.

he should keep his door closed since he's lucky enough to both not have the dog's cage in his room and also have a door.

And you know what else? The easiest solution would be to fix the backyard fence and put in a doggy door - with a lock to keep the raccoons out ofc - but fat chance my dads gonna fix the fence or ask any of our family to do so, like literally you just have to fix the 2 gates not even the whole fence but that's apparently too hard so ig I'll have to figure that out myself after getting a job or whatever ffs

[thewurstgirlfriend]

On: Drugs

So in a prior post I alluded to having a surgery(it was unrelated to my transition) and it was such a wild experience! The only other time I had been put under anesthesia before was when I had my wisdom teeth removed, so that was the litmus I was gauging it by.

I showed up in the early afternoon, I was admitted and shown a bed & given a gown to change into. They hooked an IV up to my left wrist with one of those rolly carts. I had to bring it with me like 3 times to the bathroom cuz of the old t-blocker peeing...and they kept me waiting for almost 2 hours before the doctors were ready for me so I was anxious AF about it too. But they finally wheeled me in and Holy Crap! after never having seen an operating theater before I was impressed by the medical tech on display.

The anesthesiologist was a little firecracker of a Chinese woman, we spoke for a few minutes and she asked me about my meds because she couldn't figure out why I was on such a high dose of a blood pressure medication at my age and there was this awkward moment where I had to explain that I'm trans & that's part of my HRT. I still haven't submitted the paperwork to change my gender indicator on all my ID,and THAT will be another writing unto itself. But the doctor had the nurse put a breathing mask over my face and she told me it was oxygen, after a moment she goes "OK! Medicine now!" and I took about three breaths then gasped awake in a different room.

It was entirely weird! I had been put under for almost 3 hours but when I awoke I didn't feel as if I was missing time, it felt like seconds to me. I was also a lot more alert and lucid then I expected to be, I was hauling my IV cart for a pee just a few minutes after waking up. I thought I'd be groggy and feel almost drunk, and be generally unable to move. They told me they pumped me full of freezing which probably helped a great deal when I took the stairs up to my loft. They had given me a prescription for painkillers but the pharmacy was closed when I got back home so I had to wait. Again, I had the false impression that they'd send me home with the medication in hand. My logic being that even though it was a simple routine surgery, an open operation is still a major surgery. I was anxious about the entire ordeal, I expected things to be entirely different.

The next morning I hobbled down my stairs and to the pharmacy across the street, I was in pain but not excruciatingly so. In classic doctor shorthand, I had no idea which medication I was waiting on. They called me over for a consult & it turns out it was hydromorphone! It came with a giant warning package with it about all the associated risks and I took it quite seriously....I have been closely affected by the opioid crisis several times, as recently as 6 weeks ago a friend passed in a questionable overdose. And I know all too well the power of addiction.

In addition to the statistics surrounding mental health disorders and self-harm behaviors in the trans community, addiction rates are also disproportionately high, and I am no exception to these numbers. Waxing honestly, coming from a troubled childhood home I've been linked into the mental healthcare system for most of my life. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia and Cluster-B characteristics in addition to having ADHD. I have struggled with alcohol for most of my life, I was introduced to it by family at a young age & became a problem drinker in my teens and early 20s. I had been sober almost 6 years when my marriage ended just a few months before the first COVID-19 lock-downs...around this time I was laid-off and had my car repo'd because I could no longer keep up the payments. Now, I know I'm not the only casualty of the pandemic but I did NOT handle all that disaster in my life all at once and I relapsed into drinking for about 2 years. I'm currently 10 months alcohol free, and I stopped smoking cigarettes. I still smoke a fair amount of cannabis but it's legal where I am and just as hard to avoid as booze. I occasionally use psylocibin mushrooms but I approach that more therapeutically, as does my therapist. She's a beautiful soul, I owe her my life. I've worked with her closely for 3 years now...she's helped me get sober & help me work up the courage to live honestly. And 20 years ago my counselor would have given me proper crap about "eating shrooms" and I would've been kicked out of the program. Now I tell her and she's curious about how helpful the experience was....the science is there, I don't make this up. It is what it is, fight me in the comments. But what the hell was I even saying??

Oh yeah, opiates...So I took 2 doses of the hydromorphone, exactly as prescribed, and that was enough to make me itchy if you know what I mean. It's a powerful drug omg, don't get me wrong it does what it's supposed to. It dulled my surgical pain beautifully and I slept better than I had in quite some time. And there's the rub, just like that I felt I wanted to use it every day. Not to get high of course, but that deep rest was alluring.....I'm not alone here & it's crazy because we're talking about single-use event addiction pathways!! I ended up bringing the pills back to the pharmacy because I never really needed them in the first place, plus... in a low moment after 3 days in bed, I realized there was enough drug in that jar to make ALL of my problems go away....not that I'm any more sad than usual but that's how readily I can think like that.

This experience opened my eyes, bearing in mind that this is all IMHO, and knowing that everybody's unique experience is exactly that....perhaps physicians are over-prescribing and over-medicating? Should there be a better screening process to ensure these drugs are the most appropriate for the correct circumstances in the right patients? Absolutely, there are legitimate conditions for their clinical use, and one of the bigger factors is non-pharmaceutical grade drugs infiltrating city streets. What are we to do? I'm left perplexed, all I have is questions and more questions where no answers are coming.

Going forward, I had a sweaty, sleepy day after I took the pills back... I was able to manage the pain with plain old acetaminophen. A few more days in bed and I was back on my feet. Its been 11 days since the surgery and I feel great and I'm healing well! I've had more time to pull this girl together and a more permanent transition into womanhood is on the horizon in the new year. My writing is going to be a huge part of my healing, and my becoming whole. Make sure you like/follow/subscribe and do all the things! Talk soon!

Much Love

Genni Bee

[valdotpng]

... Crap, I keep thinking of crossover interactions with Gilbert - Like, even Patches(if he really IS the same throughout the games including Bloodborne) would end up having SOME kind of soft spot(Hunter's determination bringing to mind Greirat and Loretta). Would anyone want to bring him any harm?

... That's a story for another ask.

Figure Margit winds up at that very same window. And as always, Gilbert insists on being friendly... Takes a bit of warming up on Margit's part, but even the Omen grows fond of the sickly man.

Gilbert's endured his share of prejudice in Yharnam. Margit had to deal with it his whole life.

"You have a strength I could never have," said Gilbert. And the Omen answers that Gilbert isn't without his own strength either. It's just a different kind.

aw.. thats so sweet :') as a side note, imagining someone as big as margit near that window is quite entertaining haha. oh and idk how true this is but i remember hearing that every patches is like, an au version of the same guy? cuz even though they basically have the same personality, ive noticed that bloodbornes patches' motivations, for example, differ greatly from dark souls'

krakenguard asked: Now for an idea that is truly, truly terrible...

Someone is outside his window. He hasn't been doing good, but he knows he's not alone now.

Can't keep the dreams apart from reality. Says he's given up on all hope.

"... That was the right thing to do," says the Loathsome Dung Eater.

... Cue the Hunter whooping the Dung Eater's butt before any harm can be done.

NOOO not the peepee poopoo man.. that guy is seriously so fucked up, the thought of him interacting w/ any of my favs makes me shiver

[gothfairyfrog]

Treble-Boned

word count: 6k

comments: alr this is my first time writing a ff so plz bare w me LOLLL. enjoy 💀🫶

Me and the other Bellas were all waiting backstage to perform. We were all thrilled to have finally made it to the finals and be able to perform at The Lincoln Center. At that time it was 2011 and the Treblemakers were near the end of their song.

Multiple times I had noticed Bumper, their lead singer, making eye contact with me on the more sexual lyrics. It was odd but I brushed it off not thinking too much of it. Even if he did mean it in such a way, I could never give in. I was a Barden Bella! No matter how much any of us wanted to, we could never hook up with a Treblemaker or we were booted from the group.

“Finally they’re finished! Ugh!” Aubrey exclamed. She was right hand to our lead, Alice. Everyone was pretty sure she was going to take the reins after Alice graduated.

The Treblemakers were walking offstage giving us a nasty look. “You guys are going to do awesome…”. Bumper being nice? No shot. “…ly horrible! I hate you! Kill yourself! Girl power! Sisters before misters!” Aaaand there it was. Nobody could exactly tell why the Bellas and Treblemakers had such a deep rivalry, but after all these years both groups despised eachother.

As I’m walking on stage trying to find my position, I can see Chloe trying to calm down Aubrey. I wasn’t sure why since Aubrey was never nervous for anything. Not shortly after we started, she threw up all over the first 5 rows. That’s it. We had lost all respect from absolutely anyone. Loosing the finals due to a stomach bug sucks but its even worse when Bumper and his friends gloat their win. “Clean up in aisle 5, amirite guys!” I think I understand why the Bellas always hated them now.

Even though all that was last school year, it was still the talk of the campus. Nobody took us seriously and whenever we were seen in public we got nasty stares from other peers.

Aubrey and Chloe tried to get more girls to sign up for auditions at ‘Club Fair’. Long story short, nobody blinked an eye at our booth. After about 15 minutes I decided to go take a break from running the booth to walk around only to see Bumper and his gaggle of nerds singing in the courtyard. Of couse they were singing “Let It Whip”, why wouldn’t they be!

As much as I hate them I have to admit, they’ve got some of the best vocals ive ever heard. ‘Might as well watch them’, I thought. No harm no foul, right?

Suddenly Bumper locked eyes with me. Just like during finals. Maybe it was just an odd coincidence and I was overthinking. But if it was, why couldn’t either of us break eye contact. What the hell was happening and why couldn’t I stop it?

After they finished singing, I sheepishly sped walked away. I had no idea what had just occurred and I didn’t wanna start anything. There was absolutely no way I was going to let myself fall for a Treblemaker. Specifically Bumper of all people.

“Hey! Hey, y/n! Wait up!”

No way in hell was I going to turn back and face the man who had me in eyelock.

“Y/n, I know you can hear m-“

Benji cut him off with his shrieks of excitement. Thank god for that weirdo otherwise I would’ve been caught by Chloe who was right around the corner.

“Y/n there you are! I was so concerned when you just left abruptly.”

“Oh crap, sorry Chlo. I just needed to take a quick break”

Chloe quickly took my arm and dragged me back to our booth. I was greeted with a very angry Aubrey, and at that point I knew I was going to get a lecture about ‘maintaining my aca-duties’ or some crap. She’s been on some sort of power trip since she took over the Bellas.

“Aca-scuse me but where the hell have you been!? I have had to run this booth for the past 15 minutes and I am completely taken back by your carelessness.”

“Aubrey, I’m sorry” I replied “I just needed to take a short break. Plus 15 minutes isn’t even that lo-“

“Not that long?! You need to shape up immediately if you want to stay apart of this group.” She cut me off.

She treated me and Chloe like trash. Like we were inferior to her as if she wasn’t the one who made us lose our Finals. I didn’t want to get kicked from the only thing I knew as home, so I said my apologies and continued running the booth.

I guess I missed something cause when I looked at the sign up sheet there was almost 10 names. That might not sound like a whole bunch but in acappella it was practically perfect.

—

during auditions

Audition day was possibly one of my favorite things, besides competition. Getting to hear all the potential talent is so thrilling.

“Hey Bellas, remember how you tried to play in the big leagues and choked? Let that be a lesson to everybody. Sing the same girlie stuff every year, you’ll blow chunks all over the place.” Bumper and the rest of the boys snickered

God I hated them. He talks such a big game for no reason. I chose to ignore his silly antics and pretend I never heard him but Aubrey on the other hand stood up in anger.

“My fellow aca-people. As most of you know, it is a make or break year for the Bella ladies. But make no mistake. We will not let egotistical, big-headed, garbage pricks, WHOEVER they may be, get in our way. I promise you. The Bellas will return to the ICCA’s and finish what we started last year.”

Rightfully so she called them out! Everyones jaws dropped and laughed a bit at the Treblemakers. Holy crap, she embarrassed them!

“Personally, I wouldn’t take that level of disrespect” someone called out.

“Alright let’s calm down now! First up..” Tommy began introducing the auditioners. And, uh, most of them sounded like garbage. I knew that was what most of the groups were thinking too. Hopefully, we can pick out the few girls and get them to join us.

—

after auditions

Chloe, Aubrey, and I began talking about who we should choose. After figuring out who we wanted in our group we were dismissed back to our rehearsal area. There was a lot of arguing between groups on who they wanted. Aubrey immediately took charge and planned out who we were getting.

While all of this chaos ensued, I could practically feel Bumpers eyes burning into my back. It was as if he couldn’t help but stare at us.

“Bumper? Are you even listening?” Donald said trying to regain his attention.

Even though seeing him out of the corner of my eye made me ponder, hearing Donald say that confirmed those thoughts. He was starring at me! But why? Why has he decided to be fixated on the group he hates the most? More specifically me. It was making me overthink all of our encounters completely.

‘Maybe it was nothing and he was drifting off into space’ I kept thinking to myself.

Finally, we got our girls and took them back to the gymnasium to reveal they got into THE Barden Bellas! I was so excited to meet and bond with these ladies since it was a whole new group.

Nothing but partying and singing all through the night. A chorus/theatre kids’ paradise.

—

inductions

Once back in the gymnasium had got all these gorgeous girls into our group, Aubrey had to make them say the oath.

“Promise to fulfill the duties and responsibilities of a Bella woman. Neither sickness, nor midterms, nor my lady times will prevent me from her-monizing with my sisters. And I solemnly promise never to have sexual relations with a Treblemaker or may my vocal chords be ripped out by wolves.” She recited

The new girls looked frightened by that last line but hey, at least she got the point across? As soon as we inducted the newfound Bella ladies we booked it to the party!

—

outside/party

Holy crap, there was more people than I remember. Everyone was either drinking, singing, or screaming. There was practically no in between. It was almost kind of annoying. But that didn’t get in the way of me having a good time.

I was talking to Becca and ‘Fat Amy’ about getting into the Bellas and what happens at these kinds of things. Whilst chatting I hear Chloe call me over.

“Y/n! Wanna come with me to grab drinks? This ginger needs her jiggle-juice!” Chloe giggles

“Sure! I’ll be right over” I shoot her a smile

Walking down the narrow steps I catch a glimpse of Bumper and Donald, drinks in hand, talking about god knows what. Unlike me, Fat Amy goes over to talk to them but thats not a me problem so I decided to keep walking and catch up with Chloe.

“So, can you actually believe we got girls to join the Bellas! This is so exciting oh my god!” Chloe squeals. Her energy goes up by 10 when shes drunk.

“Yea! We actually did it.” I say as I continue sipping on my drink

Chloee grabs my shoulder, cleary not sober but I’m sure she means it “I. Love. You. You are literally my best friend Y/n” Making kissy faces at me.

I hug her and tell her im going back up to sit. Probably not the best idea on my part considering he was up there. Yet I hand Chloe off to Stacie and Aubrey who take her dancing.

‘Geez, It was chilly out here.’ I thought to myself. I completely forgot to grab a jacket before leaving.

“Oh great..” I said under my breath seeing Bumper walking towards my direction.

“This seat taken?” He said with a smug face

Obviously it wasn’t so I couldn’t just say no. He would see I was clearly lying to get him to leave. I mean I did want him to leave but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Feelings?! Why would I care about his feelings, I hate him! Ugh he makes me crazy.

“Youuu.. good?” he asked

“Oh! Uh.. yea. You can sit here, I guess” I told him nervously

He totally knew what he was doing! He was doing it on purpose, no doubt about it! Right..?

“Sooo, I saw you guys got a bunch of girls to join your little tea par-“

“What do you want, Bumper.” I said cutting him off.

Did he really come over to piss me off? What a jerk! I knew I should’ve just shunned him when I had the chance. God I am an idiot.

“Im sorry. I don’t really know how to talk to you. Y’know.. being a Bella and all.”

Talk to me? Because I’m a Bella? I thought he despised Bellas. Is the universe breaking? I can’t tell if he was being genuine right now.

“Oh really?” I said slyly “Because I’m a Bella?”

“Well yea. I mean we hate you guys!” he cleared his throat “But you.. you’re just different to talk to.”

I should’ve shut this whole thing down. What if Aubrey saw me! I hadn’t even thought of that. He is ruining my life!

I stood up “Wow it sure is cold! I better go” I told him, laughing nervously trying to walk down the steps. Almost falling because of how steep they were, he catches me. Trying to hold my balance.

I gasp, accidentally grabbing him to pull myself back up.

They only thing I could think of during this moment was ‘WHAT THE HELL.’

Bumper helps me back up and sits me down. Neither of us say a word. At this point my mind has gone blank, just grateful I didnt break my tailbone falling on the concrete steps.

“Are you alright? Here” He gives me his Treblemaker varsity jacket.

“Oh, nono! Its alright!” I try to tell him so I don’t get caught with it on.

“No, I insist. You’re shivering” He reassured me.

Was this really happening?! It felt straight out of those cheesy rom-coms Chloe adored. Maybe he was just trying to get into my pants. Which was NOT happening. Well… NO! What has gotten into me!

“Thanks..” I say as our knees touch.

We were back in that stupid eyelock! I guess I never looked hard enough, but his eyes were this dark brown with sparks of a lighter brown. I could feel us getting closer and my cheeks getting brighter but immediately shut it down. Only because I could see Aubrey in the corner of my eye coming this way.

“I have a feeling that we should.. kiss. Now, is that a… good feeling or..?” He said clearly tipsy.

There was no way he would say that sober. Aubrey was heading this way quickly, I had to shoot him down fast.

“Y’know, sometimes I think I can do crystal meth and then I think.. hmm better not.”

I had to make my leave now before I got caught.

“I gotta go. You know how Aubrey is. Thank you, again, for the catching.. and the jacket..” I say awkwardly, getting up

He shoots me a smirk “Of course”

Drink in hand, I go the opposite direction of where Aubrey was. Trying to get back to the center was harder than I thought, especially actively hiding from your friend.

Finally I get down there without being caught by Aubrey, or any of the Bellas for that matter. Such a fun night.

—

day after

Time to get to work and start getting a plan together to win nationals. Except Aubrey already had a whole whiteboard dedicated to what we were going to do to win the finals. Sheesh, she was putting a lot of pressure on these newbies.

“As you can see, Kori is not here. Last night, she was Treble-boned. She’s been dis-invited from the Bellas.” Aubrey said firmly.

“Woah that oath was serious?” Becca raised.

“Dixie-Chick serious.” shooting back at Becca.

‘What a good way to scare our new girls’ I said softly under my breath.

After a few more stern comments about hooking up with a Treble and even kicking out another girl for it, she showed us how to get the ‘aca-win’.

^rehearsal/cardio montage^

Aubrey pulls me off to the side before we left rehearsals. I completely forgotten I still had Bumpers jacket on!

“What does the ‘T’ on your jacket stand for, Y/n?” Aubrey asked in a knowning tone of voice

Crap! She definitely knew. This was it, this was the day I was getting booted from the Bellas. I knew I had to think of an answer just in case she didn’t know.

“Oh! It’s for ‘Taylor’!” I stated trying to play it off. “As in Taylor Swift. Why do you ask?”

“No reason..” She trailed off and ended with a smile.

‘God that was a close one’ I thought to myself. I need to give this jacket back before anything else happens..

—

riff off

Tommy announces it was ‘riff-off time’. My personal favorite of the night! After teaching the new Bellas how these work we were ready.

With my whole situation, I was beyond nervous to even look at any of the Treblemakers. It wasn’t their fault I was squeamish, but I still didnt wanna see them. It didn’t help Bumper winked at me before Tommy gave us our categories.

“Ladies of the 80s!” He shouted and the groups took it from there.

^riff-off^

Of course Tommy screws us over and lets the Trebles win. Why wouldn’t he?!

Now they think they have an advantage over us and begin to gloat.

“OHHHHH you ladies just got owned!” They all yelled.

I shake it off and the rest of the Bellas walk away in disbelief. Me on the other hand was fixated on Bumper who was walking right towards me, trophy in hand.

“You did good” he smirks “But we are just sooo much better than you girls” he jokingly brags.

I wanted to smack the grin off his face so bad. But instead I shot him a sarcastic smile and walked away.

—

regionals

After a few more months pass and we hope all our practicing pays off. The only thing Aubrey cared about was showing up the Treblemakers.

The ‘Sock-apellas’ had finished their set and it was time for us to get on stage. While walking onto stage I could hear the Treblemakers boo-ing us. It also didn’t help that the crowd was not as excited as I had hoped they’d be. No worries, no pressure though. Right? We can’t do any worse than people using socks to sing.

^after our set^

Of course people fell silent during our set for the millionth time. If it wasn’t for Fat Amy, the crowd would’ve been dead asleep. So howcome Aubrey was already yelling at her? Shes was such a perfectionist.

Luckily, we got second and could move on from regionals! Everyone in our group was celebrating except for Aubrey. She was more relieved to even had made it.

—

day of semi-finals

After a month of two of rehearsals, it was finally semi-finals time! I was so excited.

Before leaving, Fat Amy stopped to get gas. It was a long trip ahead of us so it was a good time to stop.

Little did any of us know, the Treblemakers were not far behind after we stopped.

“IVE JUST BEEN SHOT” Fat Amy yelled.

Immediately I ran out to see what had happened. She told us Bumper and Donald had threw their burritos at her for ‘sabotage’.

Great! Theyre trying to ruin our chances even more. I help Fat Amy get back in the bus and we keep on trucking through to get to Semi-Finals.

—

back on the bus

Everyone sings, “So I put my hands up! They’re playin’ my song and the butterflies fly awayy.”

Suddenly the bus broke down. Oh god this could not be good.

“We could call-“

“DON’T say it.” Aubrey says, cutting off Chloe.

“No, that’s actually a good idea! I have Bumpers number. I’ll call him now” I told them.

“Why do you have Bumpers number?” Aubrey shot me a look.

“Uhhh..” I kept thinking ‘Crap. Just ignore her and call Bumper to save us.’

—

in treblemaker bus

“Well this is fun..” Fat Amy said sarcastically.

I was next to Bumper, of course, and we all sat in silence.

Geez, this was awkward. It didn’t help that Bumper was practically invadeding my space. Our legs were pressed against eachother, arms toppled on top of themselves, and if i even turned my head to look at him we would be nose to nose.

This made my heart race. But obviously I couldn’t give into my urges, not with Aubrey continuously looking at me weird.

“9 miles till we’re there” Donald shouted from the driver seat.

I cannot believe we all sat in silence for the whole bus ride.

—

semi-finals

Getting off the bus, we got back into our groups and went inside. Me and Bumper were in the back of the line, together.

“Soo.. what girl power fueled set do you ladies have for us this evening” He asked in a snarky tone.

“Wow!” I exclaimed “You must really not want me to keep talking to you, huh” giving him a condescending smile.

He laughed it off. Gosh, he was too cute to hate. I mean yes, I hated him for being a jerk and a Treblemaker but you had to admit he had some sort of sex-appeal.

“Good luck tonight. I mean it” he looks down and tries to hide his bright red face. Jesse calls him over to stage right to prepare to get on stage. Chloe calls me over aswell.

Once on stage, we started singing the same song that gets the crowd yawning. Out of absolutely nowhere though, Becca starts mashing ‘Bulletproof’ into the set.

It took everyone by shock but definitely got the attention of the judges! Thank god Becca took such a risk. Maybe she should’ve asked before hand but nonetheless the audience was loving it.

Almost immediately we went backstage, Aubrey started yelling at Becca for her little stunt. I decided I was not going to be apart of this drama and went to go sit somewhere backstage.

—

spring break

After Semi-Finals, Aubrey basically kicked Becca from the group. Not fair whatsoever but it wasn’t like my opinion even mattered to her. Aubrey wouldn’t listen to any of us after we lost her championship.

With the Bellas being done for, I decided to take this time to do.. uh.

Crap! I completely forgot those girls were my only friends. And the only other person in my contacts was… Bumper.

Well that was enough for me. I took this as a chance to shoot my shot with him since Aubrey wasnt around to control my love life.

Texting Bumper: Hey! I was wondering if you wanted to hang out over break :)

‘Aaaand send! That wasn’t so hard, now was it!’ I told myself.

Almost immediately I got a response.

Text from Bumper: Yea sure. I’d love to

I couldn’t believe this! I was actually going to hang out with Bumper one on one. And I didn’t even have to worry about Aubrey coming to yell at me! Maybe the Bellas taking a break wasn’t so bad.

—

FINALLY BRO

I see Bumper in the distance walking over to me. I’m still in shock he wanted to go on this date with me, considering he’s still doing Treble stuff.

“Hey!” He smiles “I see you still have my jacket” he teased.

I completely forgot this was his jacket! I started taking it off to give back to him and he stopped me.

“Nono! It looks good on you. You can keep it, I don’t mind” looking at me in awe.

“Anyway! Are you ready to go on possibly the best date of your life?” He gloated.

“So confident!” I tease him.

We walk hand in hand into the park and set up our picnic. This was kinda romantic actually! I’ve known Bumper for about 2, almost 3 years now and I never saw a good side to him. There’s always been some rivalry between us due to the groups own rivalry.

Even during last years run with the Bellas, I was attracted to him. But the hatred definitely took over. Hes never been the nicest but I feel as if it was all an act to show dominance. Aubrey and Alice did the same so I can’t exactly call him out for it. Jeez there’s so much history.

“Here we go!” He said as he finished setting up the picnic.

We talked about nonsense, teased eachother a bit, talked about how we found our way into acapella. Y’Know, normal date stuff.

“I don’t know why we never talked to eachother before this year! You’re so funny” I told him, with a giant smile on my face. I could feel my cheeks burning up.

“I know why.” “Hm?” “The whole rivalry bullcrap! It’s so dumb, I don’t know why both groups keep giving into it. I know i dont help but it’s always been some unspoken argument” Bumper said with some anger in his voice.

“I know, it’s not fun. Especially when Aubrey gets on my back when I talk to any other group.” I told him slightly getting upset aswell.

There was a pause. A good minute of neither of us saying a word. We were too sour to say anything. We knew we agreed but didn’t want to talk about it.

“Well..” He sighed “I’m glad we’re here.. together… now” grabbing my hand.

I looked down to hide my smile, eventually facing back up to see him smiling back at me.

I was head over heels for him at this point. Even though I was upset we lost championship, I was so happy I could finally spend time with Bumper.

Before we decided to pack everything up and part ways, he asked me if I wanted to watch the sunset with him. I turned bright pink just at that question. Obviously say yes, he put his arm over my shoulder bringing me in close.

All I could think was ‘This was it! This was the moment I had been waiting for! He was going to do it!’

While watching the sun go down, I could see Bumper looking at me from the corner of my eye.

Turning to look at him I asked “Why aren’t you watching the sunset?”

He replied “I’d rather take in something even more beautiful” shooting me a smile.

My heart practically fluttered as I immediately leaned into him. I can’t believe this is happening! I was kissing a Treblemaker! This went against almost everything I was taught by Alice and Aubrey but in that moment, I couldn’t care less. I was in love with Bumper.

We both pull back and take a short breath. You could tell he was also in awe of what just happened. Nonetheless I went back in for another kiss. Except this kiss turned into a tiny make out session.

“Wait.. hold on” he paused with heavy breathing “Would you rather go somewhere that isn’t a public park?”

Still panting “Yea that’s probably a good idea” I giggled.

He cleaned up everything and drove me back to my dorm. Shortly after we arrived, he walked me back to my room. Of course I invited him in, I mean why wouldn’t I?! All I wanted was to make sure we finished what we started out in that park.

IM NOT GOOD AT WRITING SMUT SO IM GONNA END THIS SCENE HERE LOLLLL

I woke up the next morning, completely forgetting what had happened last night.

‘Oh my god’ I accidentally murmured.

He was still in my bed! I was stuck in this state of shock. I did the right thing and got dressed in a big t-shirt and a pair of short-shorts, looking back at him sound asleep in my cheap bed.

After a short period, he finally woke up. I was reading a coffee table magazine while I waited for him. The way he looked at me gave me butterflies.

He yawned “Mmm… Good morning beautiful” looking up at me, smiling.

‘God his morning voice is attractive’ I thought to myself.

“Oh hello!” sending him a smile back. I put down my magazine and got into a more comfortable position.

He then latched onto me, still tired. God, he was so cute.

“I don’t wanna leave” he murmured into my chest.

“Well, we could sleep in?” I suggested while playing with his hair.

I scooted down to make it easier for him to cuddle me. We laid in my bed for a good couple of hours. I knew eventually I had to let him leave.

He felt me moving to get up and slowly awakened.

“I better start getting ready to head out. I have to go do boring acapella rehearsal stuff.” he told me.

“God you’re so lucky. I would do anything to be with the Bellas again.” I sighed, helping him retrieve his stuff.

He walked out my dorm room but before leaving he turned back, almost nervously.

“I was because I was thinking that maybe, perhaps” he takes a breath. “this is harder than I thought it was gonna be” he sighed.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I wanna date you. That's what I want. Like, a real couple. Where we, like, go out in public and hold hands and ride bikes together. Or we go to an orchid and pick apples. Or we, like, do one of those Build-A-Bear workshops together, and build bears. And you'd name one Bumper, and I'll name one Y/n. It’ll be cute.”

Oh. My. God. I couldn’t even say anything. I was too stunned. Not in bad way! I’ve just never been asked anything so.. romantic. He has swept me off my feet completely.

“What do you say?” He asked me in a softer tone.

The only words I could get out were “Yes. Yes please, oh my god.”

I saw his cheeks turn a light red before acknowledging that we were finally together.

“I guess I’ll see you soon, then” he teased.

I pulled him in for one last kiss before sending him back to the Treblemakers ‘HQ’.

—

coming back + fighting

It was a day before spring break would officially end. I was getting ready to finish up the rest of my studies when suddenly I got a call Chloe.

“Y/N! The aca-gods have blessed up! We get to compete in the finals!” She told me ecstatically.

My jaw dropped and I joined her squealing immediately. We were back baby!

Soon enough I got to hang out with my girls and talk about gameplan. Realizing quickly that Becca wasnt here.

“I didn’t invite Becca. She doesn’t make us any better” Aubrey said in a smug voice.

Chloe and Becca were incredibly close so it was no wonder Chloe got upset at Aubrey so quickly.

They were yelling back and forth and caused a huge scene that got everyone in a very uncomfortable mood.

Fat Amy came to break the tension and told them to stop and shut up.

I accidentally shouted “Finally! Someone said it!” and Aubrey almost went to come fight me. The only reason she didn’t was because the stomach bug came back.

She stopped in her tracks and threw up just like she did at last years finals.

Perfect! We come back and almost immediately started fighting with eachother. I decided to get up and walk out.

To my surprise, I walked right into Becca. I thought maybe she would help calm down the argument, so I walked back to my seat to watch it all play out.

As soon as she walked in it went dead silent. Almost scary how quiet it got.

Becca stood there fiddling with her fingers “I came back to apologize messing up our chances and leaving. I would be grateful if you could have me back?”

Aubrey just looked at her in silence. Was she really going to let go of the only person who knows how we can win? Was she that much a power hungry freak?

Without anybody saying a word Becca picked up a chair and dragged it to the exit. After a few seconds, Aubrey yelled for Becca to stop.

“Thank you. That would’ve been so embarrassing.” She laughed nervously.

After Becca and Aubrey talked it out, Becca said none of really knew anything about eachother.

“Let’s go around the room. Everyone say something about yourself that no one knows.” She told us.

Everybody started spilling their secrets, and it was then my turn. I didn’t have any secrets, except for the fact I was Treble-Boned. But I wasn’t going to admit that, I could be shunned.

“Well..?” Chloe said trying to get my attention.

I took a deep breath. “I… I started dating Bumper.” I couldn’t help but look down in shame. I didn’t want to tell them but I felt as if they deserved to know.

Nobody said anything, which made this whole thing even scarier for me. I was waiting for Aubrey to scold me but she never did.

“Oh.. well..! I’m glad you’re happy!” Chloe said giving me a soft smiling. She was my best friend so she could definitely tell I was embarrassed admitting that.

Aubrey looked disappointed but then again, she always does. Why should I even care about her opinion? It wasn’t like she was going to be around after this year.

After a short moment of silence, Aubrey gave the pitch pipe to Becca.

“How are we doing this?” Aubrey said almost desperate for her to take the lead.

“Follow me” Becca said then leading us to the abandoned pool.

^pool mashup^

—

call from bumper

It was the day of finals and I was so excited to see the Treblemakers set and not want to punch them.

While getting ready, Bumper called me. Maybe he was calling to tell me good luck. How sweet of him.

“Hey! What’s up Bumper?”

“Hey..” He said in a low tone.

“What’s wrong?”

At this point, I was kinda worried. Why did he sound so disappointed? What was going on.

“So.. I got a call from THE John Mayor, asking to be backup vocals on his new album. Which means I won’t be at finals tonight” Bumper told me slowly.

“Oh.. That’s! Uhm.. That’s great, love. I’m sooo.. happy for you!” I tried to show excitement for him but I just couldn’t.

The one time I wanted him to see our set, he couldn’t be there. I was glad he was making it big time but it still hurt.

“Yea! I’m sorry though. I’m sure you’ll do great tonight. I’ve won that stuff a million times so I’m rooting for the Bellas” He said in a more uplifting tone.

“Thanks. I gotta go get ready to leave. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He could tell I was disappointed. It was obvious. “Alright! Uh.. Love you! Good luck.”

I could practically hear him smiling. He meant it, but I just wish he would’ve told me in person. It doesn’t matter anyway.

I continued getting ready and tried to brush off the news. We going to win whether Bumper saw it or not.

—

finals

Once we got down this whole mashup thing Becca taught us, we knew we were ready to finally win the finals.

She should’ve taken charge a long time ago! Im glad Aubrey loosened the reins though. It was a lot less stressful with her not being in charge.

__

backstage + onstage

The Treblemakers were about to go onstage and I could only think about Bumper. He was probably living it up in LA not even thinking about me.

Crap, he might leave me for some hot super model! Who knows what he could be doing right now. Thinking about it only made me sad.

“Good luck Benji! Same to you Jesse!” I told the boys. I decided since things were changing, I would also end the whole rivalry crap.

While I was watching the boys perform, Chloe hugged me from behind.

“We are going to do awsome! C’mon we’re about to do hands in the middle!” She was beyond excited for this.

“I know some you are pretty thin, but you all have fat hearts. And thats what matters” Fat Amy said before we went on stage.

It was finally time. ‘My god, it’s packed’ is the only thing I could think.

While getting into position, I scanned the crowd. ‘Wait.. Is that..?’ My heart dropped.

I couldn’t believe it. Bumper?! No way. He actually came to watch me perform! But wasn’t he supposed to leave for LA tonight?!

My heart was racing. He postponed his flight to come see us win. He cared about me that much that he would risk losing his one shot at fame to see me happy. I could feel my face start burning up. I loved him so much.

^singing blah blah blah^

Holy crap! A standing ovation! We had this win, no doubt. As soon as our set had ended and the crowd sat back down, I knew exactly where I was going.

Running off stage, I practically jumped into Bumpers arms. Hugging him tightly, I started tearing up.

We had just won the championship and I have an amazing boyfriend?! I couldn’t believe my life.

“Congrats, sweetheart!” He slyly smirked at me, knowing he surprised me.

I couldn’t get myself to let go of him. I was too happy to realize I still needed to ask him why the hell he was even here!

I pull back, putting my hands on his shoulders. “Wait! What..! How..? Why are you here?!”

My confused look made him laugh. “I knew how upset you were when I told you the news. I couldn’t bring myself to just leave without saying goodbye in person.”

“God, you’re such a dork, I love you” I told him, pulling him in for a kiss.

He was perfect. I wasn’t even upset he had to leave for LA for a month or two. I knew he wouldn’t cheat on me for anybody while being in a big city.

He was mine. He loved me, nobody could change that.

—

end

Six months later, and we’re back in the audition room. Wanting to flaunt our trophy on the Treblemakers, we placed it on our table. Everybody in that room knew not to underestimate us.

“Listen up aca-ballers” Tommy said, starting the auditions “As a tribute to our most recent ICCA national champions, their team leaders will pick the audition song. Bellas?”

I take the lead, “Let’s go with…”

fin.

[copias-thrall]

I really liked the Papa III x F! S/o where the s/o was a typical shy and cute introvert, but this huge dork with those closer to her. Would it be alright if I requested the same with our dear Papa Copia (god I’m so happy to call him papa now :) )

Of course, nonny! Let’s get some sweet Papa IV up in here.

(Reference Prompt here. 😊)

Copia notices you because of your quiet nature. There are lots of Siblings that are vying for his attention and favors…and then there you are: sitting quietly during mass and reading the hymn book.

(He doesn’t have to know that you’ve been reading the same page the whole time while you admire him from out of the corner of your eyes.)

Every time he looks out, all he sees is your quiet dignity, and it speaks to him on such a personal level. While he’s grown to enjoy and embrace the showmanship of the Ghost project, he’s not a natural extrovert. So, when he sees you existing in your subdued state, he can’t help but yearn to be right there with you.

He sees you reading your book in the quad on a nice day, and he immediately pictures himself with his head in your lap as you read to him. When he spies you daydreaming in the library, he imagines what it would be like to play footsie with you under the table. As he comes across you sweeping the halls with your headphones on, he pictures giving you a homemade mixtape to listen to while you work.

Really, he wants to worm his way into the rich inner life he knows you must have.

He never does anything about it, though—in his mind you’ve been perfectly clear about your indifference to him. And he’d rather not stammer through an invitation that you’re only going to reject.

The mess hall is always a sticking point for Copia. He loves the attention—he does; it amuses him to watch the Siblings fight over who acquires his meal and who gets sits next to him. He’s still a man with an ego, and he likes it to be stroked.

But.

Some days, the whole scene just gives him a headache. On days just after an important sermon, or when he’s just back from tour, or when he’s spent the morning on a stack of paper Imperator has given him, “ASAP now, please, Papa”—it’s simply too much for him to have to be On for his admirers.

On those days, he has his Ghouls create a distraction (and Dew is always more than happy to set a fire) so that he can get in and get out with no one noticing. Then, he tries to find a quiet, out of the way place to eat his food in peace.

And that’s how he encounters you cavorting about with your friends.

You're out on the grounds because it's a fine spring day, and he can't believe that his this reserved, demure Sister is running about and chasing her fellow sister with a worm! You're laughing—not a coy titter, but a full belly laugh after you make a ribald joke about Imperator and a Brother!

Copia gapes.

You have a secret side that only your intimates know about? Well! It’s a circle he desperately wants to be a part of! (Even if he’s contractually not allowed to jest about the Seestor.) 

He imagines your laugh ringing out in his quarters as you let his babies crawl all over you (someone who doesn’t mind worms surely wouldn’t mind rats, yes?), and how you'd make him laugh with your uncouth humor. He can almost taste the domesticity.

But…he decides to stay out of sight—he doesn't want to ruin the party (which he’s sadly come to realize that, as Papa, he does quite often just by virtue of his presence)—and that’s when he realizes he actually has a hope.

You’re lying back in the grass, watching the clouds roll by, and you say,

“Hey, that one looks like a rat,” to which your friend responds, “That’s just cuz you have Popia on the brain.”

“I do not!”

“You think he’s gOrGeOUs, you want to KisS him, you want hUG him,” he singsongs.

“Shut it!” you screech as your face flushes and you throw a balled up napkin at him. 

He blocks it easily, and you lie back down with a huff.

“Whatever. He doesn’t even know I’m alive.”

Embarrassingly, the conversation shifts to how you’ve done it to yourself and if you’d just look at Copia instead of doing your best impression of a church mouse, that would be a good start.

Your face burns the whole time. I mean, having his intense focus just on you? 

You shudder. 

Surely you’d combust.

Copia bites his fist.

He could…? Have you??

***

Perhaps any of the other Papas would have been on you like white on rice…but research has always been more Copia’s thing.

Which means he spends the next few weeks slinking about like a bad spy (seriously—he might as well have on Groucho Marx glasses) trying to figure out what all your favs and interests are. 

And the Siblings are beginning to talk about it.

“He was behind a column, and I thought he was a statue,” hisses one. “He moved, and it scared the crap out of me!”

“I saw him petting the potted plants in the west corridor like a weirdo,” whispers another. “I hope Primo doesn’t hear about it!”

“I went into the broom closet to get cleaning supplies, and when I pulled the light on, he was just…standing there!” laughs someone else. “I was too surprised to be startled. He just coughed and excused himself!”

The only weird thing to you is that you seem to be the only Sibling who hasn’t witnessed Copia being adorable odd.

You often sit by that pillar to read when it’s chilly outside, and that area in the west corridor is where you sweep. Heaven!—that broom closet is next to the wash station you use! How haven’t you seen him even once?

Dew thinks this is great fun. He’s been suggesting even more ridiculous schemes (that Swiss and he giggle about back in the Ghoul dorms) for Copia to “overhear” you and your party—which Copia is taking down in earnest.

Aether thinks Copia’s being a dumbass and guesses he and the girls will have to fix this mess. Cirrus thinks Copia just needs to learn the hard way (“He’s taking advice from Dew—how does he not know better?!”), but Cumulus agrees. The two of them coral Copia into the practice space where they firmly, but gently, tell him to stop pussyfooting around and just kiss the girl already!

Copia stutters out a series of awkward rat noises before simply nodding.

“I have been procrastinating, eh?”

“You can do it, Boss.”

“Who’s the best Papa!”

Copia straightens his posture. “I am.”

***

You’re staring out the window in the classroom—woolgathering instead of dusting—when you hear a quiet throat clear behind you. You nearly jump out of your skin and hurriedly turn to make your excuses.

What you’re expecting is Sister Imperator on one of her shadow runs—but what you see is a one (1) Papa in his casual blacks (that still seem vacuum-sealed onto him) looking at you with eyes full of mirth.

It’s with great effort that you yank your eyes from his thighs up to his face.

“Oh! Your Dark Excellency, sir! I-I-I…” you stutter before composing yourself. “If you need the room…?”

A smirk turns up one side of his lips as his white eye twinkles at you.

“It is you I wish to be seeing.”

You toss the duster to the side and smooth down your habit.

“M-me?”

“Sí.”

Did you do something wrong??

You worry nervously at the sides of your habit.

“I—” Copia starts, then suddenly looks unsure. He runs his hands over his head, smoothing his thick hair back into place.

He starts again, his speech clipped and formal.

“Would you do me the honor, Sister, of joining me for dinner?”

 “I—dinner?” Like a staff dinner? Or...?

Copia blinks at you.

“I am asking you on a date.”

You blink right back.

Just you and him? Alone… 

His face turns into lines of apprehension.

“Mi scusi—perhaps I am mistaken.”

He starts to back away, and you finally find your voice.

“Wait!”

When he stops, you gulp and take a deep breath.

“I would like that, Your Dark Excellency.”

A look of relief smooths his worried expression right before he smiles at you.

“Ah…‘Papa’ is fine, Sister.”

He takes his leave of you, closing the door behind him.

You manage to hold yourself together for another moment before you let out a loud whoop and jump up and down (and unbeknownst to you, Copia is standing just outside the door, beaming).

***

Dinner went over smashingly (literally—between the nervous energy of two of you, a plate, a goblet, and a wine bottle all ended up in pieces). Copia was the perfect mix between awkward rat man and smooth Papa, and you felt comfortable enough to engage easily in conversation with him. 

You’d been a little trepidatious about after dinner (Copia certainly had not absented himself from the pleasures afforded to a Papa), but the only thing you’d done in his quarters was to meet his rats.

He’d walked you back to your room, then asked if he could kiss you. It was just a press of his lips to yours as he’d cupped your cheek, but it had felt like a promise.

The two of you end up making a perfect couple, actually. Copia, of course, respects your quiet demeanor, but it’s more than that—he understands it. The only time he singles you out is when you need to be his date to a clergy function or Abbey party—and he always gives you forewarnings for those!

On the flipside, you and he have the high capacity to be total dorks. The two of you feed off each other's humor, often being the only two in the room cracking up as you wheeze half-uttered statements at each other while the rest of the gathered looks on with pained expressions.

But neither of you care. 

You finally have your Papa, and he’s made all of his imaginings with you a reality. 

[bevioletskies]

(and i’m lost) in a daydream

summary: Napping together, in Klavier’s opinion, is one of the most romantic things a couple can do. But, he has to admit, staying up all night with Apollo to talk about nothing in particular is pretty good, too.

word count: 5.4k | read on ao3

a/n: For @klapollo-week, day six of seven (prompt: "sleep"). All seven of my fics take place in the same continuity! However, each can be read as a stand-alone, with the exception of day seven being a sequel to day five.

This fic takes place at some distant point in time after Spirit of Justice where Apollo and Trucy have learned that they’re siblings, but doesn’t reference any specific plotlines otherwise. Fic title is from the song Daydream by The Lovin' Spoonful.

“Why are your feet still so cold? You’ve been lying here for like, ten minutes already!”

“Don’t question my blood circulation, baby, it’s rude.”

“I - what?” Apollo shook his head incredulously as he snuggled deeper into the mattress, pointedly moving his feet away from Klavier’s. “You know what? Never mind, I’m not even gonna ask. Just when I think I finally get you…”

“I’m an enigma, liebling. Hard to understand,” Klavier deadpanned, adjusting the covers so Apollo was snug underneath his duvet, weighted blanket, and faux-fur throw. Apollo seriously questioned how his boyfriend’s skin could be anything but blazingly hot with enough sheets on top of him to legitimately smother someone.

“You? You’re about as deep as a puddle on a freshly-paved road.” Klavier pouted exaggeratedly; Apollo leaned over to kiss his trembling bottom lip with a teasing grin. “Kidding, kidding. How could I possibly question the depth and breadth of someone who writes songs like 13 Years Hard Time For Love and Gonna Lock U Up? Clearly, Guilty Love is your magnum opus - ”

“You are so mean to me,” Klavier whined, wrapping his arms around Apollo’s shoulders and pulling him closer. “How are you still one of my favorite people in the world, achtung.” Laughing, Apollo buried his face against Klavier’s neck. “But...you’re not wrong about Guilty Love. It’s obviously my best work.”

“I prefer The Guitar’s Serenade myself,” Apollo mumbled into his hair, slowly detangling himself from Klavier so he could get a good look at him. He felt deliriously tired for some reason, like he’d been worn out to the point of restlessness. Strange, considering it was just like any other day; there was nothing that would’ve made him more exhausted than normal. Klavier seemed to be that way, too, blinking sleepily at Apollo with a wide grin, more lazy than flirtatious. “...hi?”

“Hallo.” Klavier kissed him again. “We should sleep, it’s late.”

“It’s barely ten,” Apollo pointed out.

“It’s late,” Klavier repeated, throwing an arm out across the pillows. Apollo took that as his cue to move in closer once more. “Some people need their beauty sleep, Apollo. We can’t all be fresh-faced, rosy-cheeked engels like you.”

“Now I know you’re tired, ‘cos that was complete crap,” Apollo said, poking Klavier in the cheek. “Have you seen this pimple on my chin? Look, Klav. It’s big enough to have its own legal system.” Klavier half-snorted, half-yawned. “Why’re you so tired, anyway? I thought you said you had a power nap at work, which is definitely not something you should be doing.”

“Herr Edgeworth can manage without me for twenty minutes, ach,” Klavier said derisively. “And I like a good nap, but it’s no substitute for sleep. And besides, it’s...it feels nicer, going to bed, when I have someone to share it with.”

“You are nauseating,” Apollo informed him, kissing him more intently this time. “...but I get what you mean.” He pulled back, swallowing. “Trucy and I were talking the other day about, like...stuff we missed out on by not growing up together. Y’know, family trips, home movies, falling asleep in the same bed...or, at least, that’s what I think it’s like. I wouldn’t know.”

Klavier went silent for an unsettlingly long time. “...it’s not all bad. Having a sibling. Until you look back on it and start to question all the...you know what, never mind.” He shook himself before he could finish his sentence. “You make a pefekt older brother, baby. Though you’re more like a little big brother, now that she’s taller than you.”

“By half an inch!” Apollo protested loudly, prodding Klavier more insistently now. “Look, her dad has the height gene - ”

“And your dad had the ‘loud voice’ gene, I hear.” Klavier took Apollo’s hand in both of his and brushed a kiss across his knuckles. “Well, thanks to you, mein kleiner sirene, I’m definitely awake now.”

“Asshole,” Apollo said affectionately. “So, what, you wanna get up or something?”

“Nein, not at all.” Klavier rolled onto his side, bringing Apollo’s hand to his chest. Apollo could feel Klavier’s steady heartbeat beneath his fingers. “Let’s just...hang out, ja? We can talk until we fall asleep, just like we used to when you were working in Khura’in. Or, more recently, just the other day.”

“Emphasis on ‘day’ - we were s’posed to be helping Ema finish the decorations for Kay’s surprise party!” Apollo spluttered. “That was not a good time to take an accidental nap.”

“Well, entschuldigung for wanting to reflect fondly on a nice memory we shared,” Klavier griped, poking Apollo in the stomach. “For a moment there, I forgot I was dating the most pedantic man on the planet.”

“We’re lawyers, we’re pedantic for a living.” Apollo poked him back. “Hell, you got mad at me just the other day ‘cos I accidentally swapped two of your face serums or whatever - ”

“My skincare routine is a delicate ecosystem, baby, you can’t just move things - ” Klavier then cut himself off with a long exhale. “Nein, nein, we’re not getting into this again. I don’t like being mad at you. It’s unfathomable, really.”

Humming, Apollo used his free hand - the other was still being held against Klavier’s chest - to gently run his fingers through Klavier’s hair, brushing it out of his face. It was silky smooth and tangle-free, naturally; Klavier had a whole wealth of products he used on his skin and in his hair to maintain their quality. He still hadn’t forgiven Apollo for telling him that his own skincare routine consisted of nothing but St. Ives’ apricot scrub and Ponds cold cream (“At least let me buy you an actual cleanser, ach. And don’t tell me you don’t wear sunscreen!”).

“What’re you thinking about?” Klavier said quietly, finally releasing Apollo’s hand so he could cup his jaw, his thumb brushing across Apollo’s bottom lip. “I can practically see the little hamster wheel turning in your head right now.”

“Shut up,” Apollo murmured, playfully nipping the tip of Klavier’s thumb with his teeth. “I’m not thinking about anything, actually. Which is kinda nice, not gonna lie. I don’t have, like, a million pieces of evidence flying around in my brain for once.”

“The benefits of date night after a trial is over, ja?” Klavier said. “We can enjoy each other’s company without...conditions. Though to be fair, you were right when you said we shouldn’t spend nights together while we’re working the same case. Separate the lover from the lawyer and all that.”

Apollo groaned. “I hated that saying when you came up with it, and I still hate it now.” Laughing, Klavier moved closer, neatly tucking his head underneath Apollo’s chin. He pressed a kiss to Apollo’s collarbone, winding his arms around Apollo’s waist. “One of the many things I gotta put up with, I guess.”

“You love it,” Klavier mumbled against Apollo’s chest. “You think I’m so clever - ”

“Rewind to about five minutes ago when I said you’re about as deep as a footprint on a hardwood floor,” Apollo said wryly, pinching Klavier’s waist so he would look up; Apollo ducked down to kiss him. Grinning, Klavier deepened the kiss, letting out a pleased hum as he did so. “...I don’t totally mind putting up with you, though. Wouldn’t be here if I did.”

“I’m still not completely convinced you aren’t here for my mattress and heated floors.” Klavier began pressing open-mouthed kisses along the crook of Apollo’s jaw, savoring the smell of Apollo’s shampoo as he went. “From what you’ve told me of your apartment, it sounds like an absolute nightmare. A complete schreckgespenst.”

“Gesundheit,” Apollo murmured, tilting his chin upwards to give Klavier better access to his neck. “Yeah, my apartment sucks. The only reason I’d want you to come over is so you can finally meet my cat. Hell, he’s a nightmare and a half on his own.”

“Is this the same cat I’ve heard you refer to as your son?” Klavier asked, sitting up slightly. “The one who you said eats more expensive food than you do - ”

“One and the same,” Apollo replied with a long-suffering sigh. “Fine, fine, you caught me. I’m only dating you ‘cos you have air conditioning, a flatscreen TV, and food that isn’t frozen.”

The laughter that escaped Klavier’s mouth was near-hysterical; his exhaustion was getting more and more obvious by the minute. “And here, I thought you actually loved me. My mistake.” His laughter was swiftly cut off by Apollo’s lips on his, his breath hitching when Apollo quickly turned them around so he was now straddling Klavier’s hips. “So was I right after all - ”

“I can’t believe we have the exact same stupid sense of humor, you make me so angry,” Apollo said breathlessly between kisses. “God, I love you. You’re the worst. The absolute worst - ”

“You and your mixed messages.” Klavier moved his hands from Apollo’s waist to his backside, gripping him possessively; Apollo’s back arched at his touch, anticipatory. “Your thoughts are as confusing as your logic, you know that?”

“This is the part where you say ‘I love you, too’, not ‘I think you can be stupid sometimes’, you asshole,” Apollo retorted, grinning.

Klavier leaned in close, his lips brushing against Apollo’s ear, his voice low and warm and more than a little bit sensual. “Ich liebe dich mehr jeden Tag.” Apollo shivered with pleasure. “Ich kann nicht ohne dich leben. Liebst du mich?”

“Ja,” Apollo whispered, kissing Klavier yet again. “You know that I do.”

_____

Fifteen minutes later, Klavier reluctantly detached himself from Apollo long enough so he could get up and crack open a window; his bedroom had gotten noticeably warmer, and it wasn’t just because they’d spent the last ten minutes making out like teenagers with a limited window of opportunity.

“Warm,” Apollo grunted, rolling up the sleeves of his t-shirt. “It’s so warm - Klav, can we please get rid of at least one layer of bed covers already? I have no interest in getting roasted anymore than I already do.”

“Fine, fine.” Klavier rolled up his faux-fur throw, then disappeared briefly into his walk-in closet so he could set it aside. When he returned, Apollo was sprawled out like a starfish on top of the duvet, his fingers and toes brushing the edges of Klavier’s California king bed, staring up at the ceiling with an exhausted, yet blissful smile. “Er...you okay, baby?”

“Excuse me for enjoying the cool air,” Apollo huffed, smirking when Klavier crawled on top of him once more, knees braced on either side of Apollo’s hips. He automatically reached up to run his hands along the sides of Klavier’s waist, his touch warm through the thin fabric of Klavier’s t-shirt. “...hi. Can I help you?”

“Nein, you’re just fine where you are.” Klavier leaned down to kiss him, then rolled onto his side, letting out a contented sigh. “What do you think, are you good to sleep now?”

Apollo snorted, nudging Klavier’s thigh with his foot. “You’re the one who has a self-imposed bedtime, you tell me.”

Klavier propped himself up on his elbow, then ruffled Apollo’s unstyled hair, sweeping it out of his face. “I was thinking about what you said earlier, actually. About the things that you and Trucy missed out on sharing together.”

“...ah.” Apollo’s expression grew serious. “What about it?”

“Do you think…” Klavier hesitated. “It’s just, you grew up as the younger sibling. Not by much, natürlich, but you were still the younger one. Do you think you would've preferred being the older sibling instead?” He let out a bitter laugh that made Apollo’s heart ache. “Not that I’m projecting, of course. Nein, not me.”

“Oh, Klav,” Apollo sighed, wrapping his arms protectively around Klavier’s shoulders and pulling him into his chest. “And...I dunno, I don’t think it’s really comparable, you know? Nahyuta’s barely a year older, while Trucy’s a whole seven years younger...besides, it really comes down to personality and, like, compatibility. Would I be the same person if I grew up with Trucy instead of Nahyuta? Probably not. Hell, definitely not.” He then snorted. “I mean, for one thing, I wouldn’t be living in the mountains.”

“I’m still not convinced when Herr Sahdmadhi tells me he doesn’t have any other pictures of you two lying around,” Klavier chuckled, his laughter causing the mattress to tremble. “Papa wants to take up scrapbooking, by the way, and he’s been asking me if I have any gut photos of you. Ach, it’s like my parents already decided you were their son-in-law the moment we started dating.”

“I think it’s sweet...a-and a little intimidating,” Apollo admitted. “No pressure, right?” Still, he snuggled in even closer, legs loosely wrapped around Klavier’s hips. “But your parents are great, I’ll see if I can find some photos for your dad. I'm sure I’ve got something in those boxes I brought back from Khura’in that I never bothered opening.”

“Sounds like someone needs to do a little spring cleaning,” Klavier teased. “But danke, baby. It’ll certainly be interesting, seeing our childhood photos side-by-side. Me with my hot pink braces, you with your...what was it, pet rabbits?”

“So many rabbits,” Apollo said forlornly. “We didn’t have the means to stop them from, y’know. Procreating. So, uh, think I’ll stick with my neutered cat any day.”

“Did you have a favorite?” Klavier asked; he seemed much more relaxed now, though Apollo couldn’t help but wonder about his earlier comment, if it was worth mentioning at all. “I had a favorite hündchen. She was very stupid.”

“Nice way to talk about your favorite childhood pet,” Apollo snorted. “Though I frequently brag about how much of an asshole my cat is, so I guess I’m one to talk.”

“Nein, like - she was the kind of dog who ran into glass doors and barked at her own reflection,” Klavier explained, biting back another laugh. “Her name was Sascha, and she was this darling cream-colored retriever who loved to sleep on my legs every night. I would always wake up with numb toes.” His smile then turned sad, melancholy. “The first time I tried a weighted blanket after she passed, I...I almost cried. It had been so long since I had that feeling, you know? Like someone was hugging me while I slept...keeping me safe.”

“Babe,” Apollo said softly, gently cupping Klavier’s face.

“Mir geht's gut,” Klavier reassured him, placing his hands over Apollo’s. “It’s a nice memory, that’s all.” He cleared his throat, making small, soothing circles on the backs of Apollo's hands with his thumbs. “So, your favorite häschen?”

“Well, they were wild rabbits, so it’s not like they were ‘ours’, exactly,” Apollo said thoughtfully, leaning into Klavier’s touch. “We didn't give ‘em names or identifying marks, so we got them mixed up all the time. But there was one little guy who was a real piece of work. If I didn’t feed him fast enough, he’d bite my fingers. I had a weird soft spot for him.”

Klavier raised an eyebrow. “...you have a strange relationship with your pets, liebe.”

“Hey, maybe he was my favorite ‘cos he reminded me of me,” Apollo said defensively. “Just like how your favorite dog liked sleeping on your legs. You sure like hogging the bed, after all - which is an incredible feat, considering this is a California king.”

“True,” Klavier agreed. “You do remind me of kätzchen, sharp nails and all.”

“I accidentally cut you with a broken fingernail while holding your hand just one time,” Apollo sighed. “So, do you have pictures of Sascha? I’d love to see her.”

“At my parents’ house,” Klavier said, smiling softly. “I’ll have to break out the photo albums the next time we drop by.”

Humming, Apollo lowered his head to Klavier’s shoulder, half-burying his face against Klavier’s neck. Klavier’s hands moved to Apollo’s back, tapping out rhythmic patterns along his spine. They stayed like that for a while, quiet, almost zen-like, with the occasional breeze whistling in through the open window. Finally, after a few peaceful minutes, Apollo began to shiver, the hairs on his arms and legs prickling from the cold. “...it’s getting pretty windy now. Maybe it’s time for us to actually try to sleep?”

After closing the window, the two of them got back under the duvet, Klavier playfully prodding Apollo’s bare legs with his literal cold feet. Apollo countered him by aggressively poking Klavier’s cheeks with his frozen fingers, only stopping when Klavier begged for mercy. “You’re a cruel one,” Klavier sniffed despite the fact Apollo was now rubbing his face to warm him back up.

“And you’re such a diva,” Apollo said affectionately, pecking him on the nose. “Remember that one time we went to get poké and they didn’t have furikake? You honest-to-god pouted like a kid who didn’t get their favorite ice cream flavor.”

“I know what I like,” Klavier huffed. “And speaking of which, between the way you talk about Mikeko and the way you talk about me - are you sure you actually like us, schatz?”

Apollo softened somewhat. “To borrow a phrase from you - you know you’re, like, one of my favorite people ever.”

“I would hope so,” Klavier murmured, nudging his face against Apollo’s neck. His fingers then slipped underneath Apollo’s t-shirt so he could feel his warmth, feel the softness of his skin. “That’s something my parents used to say, actually. Back when they were in school, when they wrote each other love letters. ‘You are my favorite star in the sky’, Mama would write.”

“Did they end up keeping those letters?” Apollo asked. “It almost sounds like you’ve read them.”

“Nein, I could never,” Klavier protested. “It’s their private correspondence, after all. They just read me some of the nice bits, the poetic parts. I’d write you a poem myself, if I didn’t think you would absolutely hate it.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t hate it.” Apollo kissed the side of Klavier’s head. “I’m just not big on performative romance, y’know, big displays of love that seem to be for people that aren’t part of the relationship. But this right here...it’s more my speed.”

“I can tell,” Klavier hummed, kissing him. It wasn’t long before the two of them found themselves distracted again, caught up in each other’s embrace. Despite seeing plenty of each other over the past few days, Apollo couldn’t help but - privately - admit that he’d missed being able to see Klavier as his boyfriend, not his rival. Every time Klavier smirked at him from behind the prosecutor’s bench, he had to remind himself that he usually preferred to kiss him, not slap him. “...we’re never getting to sleep, are we?”

“Keep your shirt on, Gavin,” Apollo mumbled against Klavier’s lips.

“Not what I meant, but I like where your mind is at,” Klavier teased. “Besides, a bit hypocritical of you when you have your hands on my ass, ja?”

Apollo quickly withdrew his hands as if he’d been burned, ducking down underneath the sheets so Klavier couldn’t see how red his face had become. “Sh-shut up. It was just more convenient to hold onto than your waist, that’s all!”

“My ass is more convenient than my waist, you say? That’s a new one.” Klavier pulled back the duvet with a mocking grin. “Ah, there’s my favorite forehead. Where’s the rest of you, hm?”

“I hate you so much,” Apollo groaned, reluctantly crawling back out. “Why do you even start calling me that, anyway? It’s not like we were talking about my forehead, it was the location of Dr. Meraktis’s bullet wound!”

Klavier looked at him thoughtfully, his head cocked. The dog-like resemblance was becoming more and more apparent by the second. “Honestly? I don’t actually know. All I know is, I wanted to give you a cute nickname, and it just...stuck for one reason or another. And you have to admit, your hair makes your forehead quite...prominent.”

“Cute nickname?” Apollo repeated.

Now Klavier was staring at him more incredulously than anything else. “...I know we’ve talked about this before, but could you really not tell I was flirting with you from the start? Granted, it wasn’t meant to be anything serious until after our first case together, but still.”

“Oh,” Apollo said faintly, slumping back against the headboard. “I, uh...I honestly thought you were just making fun of me.”

“Achtung,” Klavier remarked, trying his hardest not to laugh. “Maybe it’s time we take a trip down memory lane and see what you thought I was doing. For my curiosity’s sake, if you don’t mind.”

Apollo yawned and stretched. “Hell, why not? It’s not like we’re sleeping anytime soon...apparently.”

_____

Thirty minutes later, the two of them were sitting cross-legged on top of Klavier’s duvet, trying their best not to touch anything with their still-wet nails. Apollo wasn’t a fan of having painted nails - not that he didn’t like nail polish itself, it was more the fact that chipped polish bothered him - but he liked letting Klavier do them, liked the feel of his boyfriend’s soft, gentle fingers as they tenderly held his own.

“Wait, wait, wait - you only said that you didn’t think Athena was my type ‘cos you wanted to know if I was single?!”

“I thought that was obvious,” Klavier said, sighing. “How are you so clever and so unobservant at the same time, ach. My boyfriend, the walking contradiction. The man who helped rebuild an entire legal system, the man who can’t tell when someone is asking him to dinner. You truly are a wonder, liebe.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me - ”

“My mistake, clearly. I should have just walked right into Themis, wearing a neon sign that says ‘Ask Me About My Romantic Feelings for Apollo Justice’.” Klavier snorted at the incredulous look on Apollo’s face. “What, too subtle?”

“I just can’t believe you were into me for that long,” Apollo admitted, his voice small. “Like, if you really thought I wasn’t interested...why didn’t you just...stop?”

“You say that like it’s easy.” Klavier turned away for a moment to delicately blow on his nails, pointedly avoiding Apollo’s eyes, then reached for his bottle of Seche Vite. “Remember what you said to me once? About...feeling your feelings before realizing you even have them. After all, it’s not like feelings are just something you can turn on and off, like a switch.”

“I got pretty good at doing that, actually,” Apollo muttered. “Compartmentalizing, I mean.”

“That’s not the same, though, is it?” Klavier said gently. “Pretending not to love you and not loving you are completely different things. I could act like a carefree flirt all I wanted, but...at the end of the day, my heart was always set on you.”

Apollo bit back a grin. “You are such a sap, sheesh. But I hear you. Sorry I made you wait around, I guess.”

“Don’t be,” Klavier murmured. “I’m just glad we got here in the end, you know?”

“Same.” Apollo leaned in to kiss Klavier chastely on the lips, both of them still taking care not to touch each other or the bed. “So, now that we - ” But before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by a short, but loud grrrrr. “...Klav?”

“Achtung,” Klavier said, staring down at his stomach in surprise. “I guess we should’ve ordered more dumplings, after all.”

“Or you shouldn’t have let me take the last one,” Apollo pointed out, laughing. “Okay, okay, after we’re done here, we’re raiding your fridge.”

Another fifteen minutes later, they found themselves sprawled on top of Klavier’s duvet once more, this time with two empty bowls that once held ice cream sitting on his bedside table. Apollo’s eyes were closed in contentment as he hummed a little something - some strange combination of The Guitar’s Serenade and something else he couldn’t identify - only for him to jolt slightly at the feeling of Klavier’s cold fingers on his skin.

“Ah - babe, your hands are freezing - ”

“Sorry.” Klavier didn’t look all that sorry as he pressed a sticky-sweet kiss to Apollo’s stomach. “What’s that you’re humming, liebe?”

“I...I don’t actually know.” Apollo furrowed his brows in confusion. “It feels like something I’ve heard over and over again, but I couldn’t begin to tell you what it is. Weird, huh?”

“It almost sounds like…” Klavier then began to hum it himself, tapping out the rhythm on Apollo’s thigh. “...like a lullaby of sorts. Maybe that’s why you’re mixing it with The Guitar’s Serenade.”

“A lullaby?” Apollo repeated. “Wait, you don’t think it’s something that...I mean, Mom told me this story the other day that…” He swallowed thickly. “...she said my dad used to sing to me, like. All the time. Apparently, Mom would come home from work and find him making dinner, and he’d have me on his back in one of those baby wrap things, and he’d just be...singing. Bouncing up and down to the beat to make me giggle.”

Klavier placed his hands over Apollo’s heart, lightly resting his chin on top of them. “That sounds like a wunderschön sight to come home to. Your papa must have been an amazing man.” Apollo shot him a rueful smile, running his fingers through Klavier’s hair. Then, after a moment’s consideration, he separated a portion of it from the rest and began to braid it almost mindlessly, instinctively, resuming his quiet humming. “Ah - you know how to braid hair?”

“Muscle memory,” Apollo explained, continuing to braid. “I liked keeping my hair short, but Nahyuta experimented with growing it out all the time. Aesthetics and beauty are a big part of Khura’inese culture, so he liked switching things up, even though we were never around anyone but...but Dhurke. I learned how to do braids and buns and stuff so he could have a different hairstyle every day.”

“Maybe I should seriously get you to do my hair sometime,” Klavier mused, right as Apollo tied the ends off. “We’ve got that work event next month, maybe then.”

“Hey, I’m no expert,” Apollo chuckled, leaning back to rest on his elbows and admire his handiwork. It wasn’t quite as neat as it used to be, but even in the middle of the night, even with his sloppy attempt at a simple braid, Klavier was still one of the most beautiful people Apollo had ever seen. “But if you let me practice on you, maybe I will be.”

“As long as you don’t pull all my hair out while you’re at it,” Klavier said, preening.

Apollo continued to laugh; then, his expression grew sober. “...is it weird that I think about, like...if I should miss my dad or not?”

Klavier frowned. “Why is it weird?”

“Because I shouldn’t have to think about it, right?” Apollo said, shrugging. “Like, either I miss him...or I don’t. And it’s not like I can tell Mom, ‘cos she loved him, and she misses him all the time, but I...I…” He inhaled sharply. “...I didn’t know him. Not really. So, uh...how do I miss someone I never knew?”

“Well...maybe it’s not about missing him, per se,” Klavier offered. “Maybe you just...miss that you never got to know him. That all your mama’s stories are just that - stories, not memories. And you wish you had the chance to make your own.”

Apollo shot him a soft smile. “You got all of that out of one train of thought, huh? Though...you might not be wrong. It’s kinda like the whole ‘what if’ with growing up with Trucy versus growing up with Nahyuta, y’know, only with...with my dad. What if things had gone completely differently? Would it be better, worse?”

“You seem to be thinking about family quite a lot these days,” Klavier commented. “What’s on that beautiful mind of yours, hm?”

Apollo shook his head. “I meant what I said earlier - nothing, really. It’s just the kind of thing my mind comes up with at - well, it’s not that late, but still.” He then bit back a smile. “Would be, uh. Would be kinda nice, though, wouldn’t it? If that really was dad’s lullaby I was remembering, that I still - that I have a piece of him still with me?”

“Natürlich,” Klavier agreed. “You should sing it to your mama next time you see her, see if she recognizes it. Even if she doesn’t, it can become your version of The Guitar’s Serenade, for just the two of you.”

“I’d like that,” Apollo said quietly. Klavier squeezed Apollo’s thigh, then shuffled back up the bed so they were face-to-face, kissing Apollo chastely. “Hm...your lips are cold, too.”

“You could warm them up for me,” Klavier murmured suggestively; once again, it was his turn to grab Apollo’s backside, pulling him closer and closer until their chests were pressed against one another, his knee sliding neatly between Apollo’s legs. Apollo groaned at the cheesy line but continued kissing him regardless, his lips parting slightly so he could deepen the kiss. “What happened to us having the same stupid sense of humor, baby?”

“You still make me so mad.” Apollo captured Klavier’s bottom lip between his teeth, tugging slightly with a wicked grin that made Klavier shiver. “It’s funny, whenever I complain about you to someone else - ”

“Which I suspect happens often,” Klavier commented.

“ - they always ask, ‘so why are you with him, then?’.” Apollo released him, nudging his nose affectionately against the underside of Klavier’s jaw. “And usually, I give ‘em some bullshit excuse. No need to tell them more than they have to know, y’know? But the actual answer’s pretty simple.”

Klavier smoothed Apollo’s hair away from his forehead, his thumb tracing a line across Apollo’s freckles. “Tell me.”

“Because it just...makes sense. Which doesn’t make any sense at all.” Apollo’s smile was so warm, so open, that Klavier felt as if he was falling in love all over again. “You get what I mean?”

“I get you, liebling,” Klavier said fondly, capturing his lips once more. “I’ve got you.”

_____

Sugar, sugar...oh, that night, in your embrace…

Apollo violently jolted awake at the sound of his ringtone, nearly tumbling right out of bed in the process. Groaning, he blinked blearily into the morning sunlight streaming in through the windows, then threw his arm out in an attempt to grab his phone from his bedside table without getting out from under the covers. Instead, he ended up hitting something else entirely.

“Ach! Apollo, what are you doing?”

“Crap - sorry, Klavier,” Apollo winced, sitting up properly so he could rub the sleep out of his eyes. He then turned to pick up his phone, letting out an annoyed huff when he realized it was just an unknown number. “Great, spam calls. And at this hour?” He paused. “Wait...what time is it? Shit, it’s - Klav, it’s almost eleven!”

“Perfekt,” Klavier sighed, rolling back over and pulling the duvet over his head. “Another seven hours, bitte.”

“No, i-it’s eleven in the morning!” Apollo shook Klavier’s shoulder. “Babe, we gotta get up!”

“Why?” Klavier said, yawning as he reluctantly opened his eyes. “It’s the weekend, süßer, relax. Neither of us has anywhere to be, ja? I missed my morning run, sure, but considering we didn’t fall asleep until...ach, three? Four? I’m in no mood to work out.”

“But...shouldn’t we…” Apollo was swiftly interrupted by his own yawn. “...fine, fine, you have a point.” He collapsed back into bed, defeated. Grinning victoriously, Klavier pulled him closer, fitting him snugly underneath his chin. Apollo braced his hand against Klavier’s chest; his heartbeat was steady, comforting, beneath Apollo’s fingers. “Seriously, though, let’s never do that again.”

“I don’t know about that,” Klavier hummed. “Personally, I thought it was a night to remember.”

“A night to remember, not a night to repeat,” Apollo muttered. Klavier merely laughed, dropping his head to rest on top of Apollo’s, briefly turning to kiss his forehead. “Klavier…”

“I mean it, liebe,” Klavier murmured; Apollo felt his own eyes drifting shut at the sound of Klavier’s low, soothing voice, his muscles relaxing as his body melted against Klavier’s familiar embrace. “We have nothing to do today. Sounds like the right time to take a nap, don’t you think?”

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get a few more hours,” Apollo mumbled into Klavier’s chest. “Early dinner after we get up?”

“Someone’s optimistic,” Klavier chuckled, rubbing Apollo’s shoulder. “Sure, baby. Now go back to sleep, okay?”

_____

a/n: Welcome to my sixth entry for Klapollo Week 2021! Continuity-wise, this is the fifth of seven fics, but again, there is no need to read the others to follow each fic on its own. This is definitely the most plotless fic out of the seven, which is just fine by me, since as I've mentioned before, I love writing dialogue between these two - especially when they're together and get to lovingly snark on each other. It gives me a chance to slip in some little headcanons here and there without worrying about connecting it to the actual plot. For some reason, I have this really vivid image in my mind of Jove holding Apollo on his back while singing along to the radio and working in the kitchen; I think it would be adorable (and a little heartbreaking).

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Likes and reblogs would be much appreciated. Hoping you’re all safe and healthy and doing well ❤️

[before-we-get-started]

Dream Come True

Colin Shea x O/C Corinne MacAdam

Multi-Chapter Story - Complete

Summary: Colin Shea and his band Rock the Cradle are finally making it big - until something unexpected happens. When he meets a girl that makes him reconsider his player ways, he thinks his life may be coming together, until she blows it apart.

Warning: Bad language, smut, suicidal ideations - no one under 18, please

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please do not read if you are underage. I do not own the character of Colin Shea; the rest are my original characters. By reading beyond this point, you understand the disclaimers as posted.

Chapter Three

“Colin? Colin? You with me, man?”

He stirred, then became aware of intense pain in his back and neck. He let out a moan.

“There he is.”

He recognized Kevin’s voice. He slowly opened his eyes, his head pounding as he focused on the light. “What the hell?”

“It’s ok man, you’re gonna be ok. You scared the shit out of us.”

“Kevin!” Colin’s mom scolded him as she sat at the edge of his bed, holding his hand.

“Hi Honey, dad and I are here.”

“What happened?”

“We nailed the razzle dazzle but you got taken out,” said Kevin. “Landed on your head, which for you shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but it knocked you out. We lost you for a minute. Heart stopped and everything. Spencer got you back.”

Colin groaned. “Oh no, tell me he didn’t kiss me.”

“Look, when you’re dead, does it really matter? The guy saved your life. If mouth-to-mouth was involved, so be it.”

“Aah, gross!”

“Colin, for heaven’s sake, we’re just glad you’re still with us,” said his mom, smoothing the hair back from his forehead.

“You really did scare the shit out of us son,” said his dad, his mom slapping at dad’s hand for the profanity.

Their conversation was interrupted as a young nurse entered the room. “Mr. Shea, glad to have you back.”

Even severely concussed and in pain, Colin was on the prowl. “Are you here for my sponge bath? I can make everyone disappear,” he said with a crooked smile.

The nurse rolled her eyes. “We have a special nurse that takes care of those. I’ll have her paged. Her name is Agnes, she’s wonderful, been doing this for 50 years-“

Colin’s dad let out a belly laugh.

“That’s ok,” he said, all the cockiness gone. “I’ll just get some rest.”

“Right,” she said with a grin. She adjusted the IV bag on the stand next to his bed, wrote his vitals on the board for the next nurse and left the room.

Colin closed his eyes, then quickly opened them, springing up from the bed. He grabbed his throbbing head. “Dude, what time is it, we’re gonna be late!” He pulled the blanket away and tried to swing his legs over the side of the bed. Kevin stopped him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, lay back down. You’re not going anywhere.” His mother pulled the blanket back up to cover him.

“We’re gonna be late! We can’t miss this!” Colin said as he tried again to sit up.

“Colin, just lay down. We’re not going to be late. It’s ok.”

Colin laid his arm over his forehead and closed his eyes. “How long do we have? We’re supposed to be there at 6.”

Kevin chuckled at his bedside while he saw sadness in his mom’s eyes.

“What’s so funny?” said Colin.

“It’s Thursday. You lost three days, dude.”

He laid still for a second, considering what Kevin had said. “Wait, what?”

“Yeah. You’ve been out for three days. You took a hard hit. That Jordan dunk was worth it though, huh?”

Colin groaned. “No, no, no!” He rubbed his forehead and groaned again. “I can’t believe this. We’ll never get this chance again.”

“The producer said he’d try to get back with us but he was headed to L.A. for the next few months. He wished us luck. Look, all that matters is that you’re ok.”

His mother patted his hand. “Colin, it’s ok, just rest. The most important thing is that you’re ok and that you heal.”

“Damn,” Colin muttered under his breath. He’d been trying to gather his thoughts since waking up, everything still foggy. He remembered walking to the basketball court. He remembered their opponents asking for a best-of-3 game. He even remembered he was wearing his favorite Celtics t-shirt. And he remembered her.

“Kevin, were there any girls at the court? Watching the game?”

“Good Lord Colin, are you ever not thinking about girls?” said his dad.

“No, no, I just keep thinking about this girl. Chestnut hair, chocolate eyes, really sexy legs. Was she there watching us?”

“Nope,” said Kevin, popping the p. “No chocolate-eyed girls. In fact, no girls at all. A total sausage fest.” This earned Kevin one more smack from Colin’s mom.

Colin closed his eyes and rubbed them, sighing. His band had missed their shot and a beautiful brunette that he wasn’t sure existed was living rent-free in his brain. It was all too much.

“Alright man, I’m out of here. Glad you’re alive. The band would suck without a lead guitarist,” said Kevin.

“Good to know how much I mean to you,” said Colin, gripping his hand in their special handshake. “Thanks Kevin.”

Kevin walked out as Colin’s mom fluffed his pillow behind his head. All he could do was close his eyes and drift off, hoping to escape all the disappointment breaking his heart.

“You’re moving great, girlfriend.”

Cori grinned at her mother’s encouragement as she stepped out onto the patio. It had been three months since she’d stepped off the curb into the path of a cab. Fortunately the driver had been slowing already, so when he hit her, the impact could’ve been worse. As it was, the impact had caused her heart to stop. An ambulance two lanes over had responded and gotten her to the hospital in minutes, and they’d shocked her and brought her back. She’d broken an ankle and a wrist and suffered a severe concussion. She’d been unconscious for nearly a week. Her recovery had been steady, her parents welcoming her into her old room and nursing her back to health.

She sat down under the umbrella at the patio table, lifting her bad leg onto the ottoman. Her mother brought lemonade for them both, sitting down next to her.

“You look wonderful honey,” her mother said, covering her hand. “I’m so thankful you’ve recovered so well.” She stared down at the table, then raised her eyes to Cori.

“I think we need to talk.”

“Sure,” said Cori, sipping the lemonade.

“About that day, I mean.”

Cori swallowed hard. She knew this conversation was coming. “I don’t remember much,” she said.

“I don’t want to talk about what happened. I want to talk about why.” She patted Cori’s hand.

“Mom –“

“Corinne,” she said sternly. “The counselor said part of your healing is assessment and accountability.”

Cori rolled her eyes and her mother gently slapped her hand.

“You and I both know you were going through a lot when this happened. You had lost so much. Dad and I should’ve paid more attention. We should’ve seen the signs.” Her voice broke and she wiped at a tear on her cheek.

“Mom,” said Cori, leaning forward to comfort her. “Please. Look, I’ll admit I wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine before the accident. I was struggling with all of it. But Mom, I wouldn’t ever try to – you know –“

Her mom slid her chair closer and wrapped her arms around her. “Of course not, honey. We both know that despite everything, you have so much to live for.”

“I do,” she said, but the confidence was gone from her voice.

“Corinne. You have always been my happy child. You sang loudest in the choir, you were the cheerleader with the biggest smile, your pirouettes were full of energy – those other girls in dance couldn’t begin to turn the way you did. How many times have I walked in on you singing at the top of your lungs into your hair brush or heard you laughing like crazy at ‘Friends.’”

“Mom –“

“I’m just saying,” she continued, “you don’t need a guy to be your happiness. Sure, it’s wonderful to have companionship. But you are intelligent and fun and caring, sweet and loving. There is someone out there for you, and I’m sorry Matthew made you take a detour. But before you find the right one, you have to be sure you know who you are.”

Her mom was definitely starting to sound like the counselor. “Ma, you’re exactly right. I made the mistake of trusting two people with my happiness and they let me down. And despite everything, even though I’ve had these challenges, I know I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m ready to start this adventure again.”

Her mom looked at her, not completely buying what Cori was selling.

“Mom! I mean it! Look, what happened to me scared the absolute crap out of me. I know I’m lucky to have survived. But I did for a reason – there are obviously things I haven’t done yet.” Isn’t that what he told me before he kissed me?

Finally her mother smiled. “That’s the Cori I know and love,” she said softly. “You took several years off your dad’s and my lives kiddo. All we want is for you to be happy. We want you to have everything you want.” She squeezed Cori’s hand. “Promise me you’ll concentrate on being happy and having fun and not worry about what you think society expects from you.”

She let loose with another eye roll.

“Cori, seriously. You’ll find someone and marry when the time is right. I promise you you’ll know when you’ve found the right one.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Uh, spoken by the one who married her high school sweetheart,” she said with a smirk.

“Hey, I can’t help it if Mr. Right took me to my senior prom. But I sure knew he was the one,” she said with a wink.

“Did someone call my name?” Her dad walked out onto the patio, passing Cori a bottle of beer.

“Oh brother,” she said as her dad leaned down to kiss her mom’s cheek. She loved that they were still so much in love. Could there really be that type of romance out there for her somewhere?

“We were just discussing Cori’s fresh start,” said her mom, “and all she has to look forward to.”

“You’ve always been full of joy, Princess,” said her dad. “Your future’s so bright…”

“Don’t!” Cori groaned.

“You’re gonna need shades,” her mom and dad said in unison, laughing loudly at themselves.

“What’s so funny?” her sister asked, carrying out some snacks.

“NOT mom and dad,” said Cori, and they laughed even louder.

They munched and chatted and Cori felt a calm she hadn’t in some time. She was blessed with a loving family and all the support in the world. Even as she worked through the noises crowding her brain, she had the people she needed around her.

Listening to them talking, Cori closed her eyes. At some point she’d love to talk about what happened after the accident, but her memory was still so sketchy. She remembered taking the elevator down from her office, pressing herself up against the glass on the crowded sidewalk, even stopping on the corner and pushing the button to get the crossing light. But that’s where it ended. Her next memory was in the hospital, her mother stroking her hand and her father standing next to her bed.

She let out a sigh. She’d dodged a bullet, that was for sure. She was so lucky to be alive. She swore she could remember the feeling of being brought back to life, the power surging through her.

And then, as she remembered the feeling of electricity, the flash of a face – beautiful blue eyes, spiky blonde hair, firm biceps and pecs and a Celtics t-shirt. As quickly as the memory was there, it was gone. She guessed it must be someone she’d seen at the hospital, or maybe on the street before she was hit.

“What are you grinning about?” her mother said, interrupting the thought.

She smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know!”

She helped her mother clear their dishes and then packed up leftovers for her sister. After hugging her goodbye, she said good night to her parents and showered, covering her casts with a bag, then crawled into bed with a book. She finished only a few pages before sleep claimed her, the book sliding down the covers.

In her dreams, she could see the turquoise water so clearly. She was naturally drawn to it. The water was so blue and still, the sky golden. She’d almost made it but then he was there. Suddenly there were blue eyes and his lips were pressed to hers in a passionate kiss, a jolt of electricity stunning her body.

She jumped from under the covers, bracing herself with her good arm. She fully expected to see still water when she looked over the side of the bed, but it was just her bedroom.

Who was he? And why was he there? There was no mistaking that the kiss was delicious. She closed her eyes and hummed as she remembered it again. But where was she when she was kissing him? She hadn’t seen anyone since Matthew. There had been no one.

Those features were suddenly clear to her, the angled nose and chiseled jawline, with a few freckles across his high cheekbones. The thought of him took her breath away. She could remember the details but she couldn’t conjure the entire face. There was a silver chain, and a tattoo – were they words? – and Celtic green. As quickly as the memory was there, it was gone. The doctors had told her she may have snippets of memories from her entire life until the effects of the concussion healed. Wasn’t it her luck that she’d been kissed by a guy that was a figment of her imagination. It was a kiss for the ages, one she wouldn’t forget any time soon. She hoped thinking of it would give her courage as she stepped back into the world.

* * * *

“Here honey,” said Colin’s mom, adjusting the pillows behind his head on the couch. “Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?”

“Ma, thanks but I’m fine, I swear.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” she said, straightening up things in the kitchen.

Colin was in a funk. Despite his doting mother and all her TLC, he was still down hard. For the last three months, he’d struggled to come to terms with what he’d lost. His dream of his band making it big was gone. It had taken weeks for his body to heal. He was moving better but there was still some pain. The horrible headache that was part of his severe concussion had finally lifted, but he was still in a fog.

The guys were getting restless, they wanted to start playing again. They’d been able to book some parties and a gig at one of their regular bars. He had two more weeks to get it together, make sure his guitar skills had returned to normal, and they’d start their quest again.

Only he just wasn’t feeling it. No matter how hard he tried, there was a gray cloud over his head. And then there was that girl. His memory was hazy, he tried so hard to remember her. Beautiful hair and eyes, with a sweet, heart-shaped mouth. And yet all he could remember was how sad she looked. She haunted his dreams every night and the memory would disappear. He didn’t know who she was or where she came from, or if she was even real. He only knew she was going to end it all if he hadn’t stopped her. How could someone so beautiful feel so sad that they didn’t want to exist anymore?

“Honey, you’re so deep in thought. Don’t you want to rest?”

“Ma, I really, really appreciate you taking care of me but I’m fine. Really.”

She sat down on the chair across from him and took a good look at him. “You look better,” she said. “And your appetite is back. All good signs.”

“So how about you go home and take care of dad for a while? I know he’s been missing you.”

She chuckled. “I’m not sure that’s true,” she said with a smile.

“Ok, well I know he’s missed your cooking,” he said.

“That is true,” she said, “and from the looks of his belly, he could afford to miss it for a

while.”

Colin laughed and his mother smiled at him. “That’s music to my ears,” she said. She walked over and sat on the edge of the couch, running her fingers over his hair. “You know, maybe you could think about bringing a nice girl home to us,” she said. “I could teach her how to cook all your favorites.”

“Ma-“

“I know, I know, you like to play the field. But really Colin, how about just finding a nice girl you can settle down with. And then you can start giving me grandbabies,” she said with a brilliant smile.’

“Come on Ma,” he said as she pinched his cheeks.

“I’ll make you a deal,” she said.

“Shoot,” said Colin.

“I’ll go home and leave you be, but you have to promise you won’t overdo it. And you’ll eat what I left you and not order any crap until you’re better.”

He laughed again and sat up, wrapping her up in a hug. “You’re the best Ma ever, you know that, right?”

“Well, that’s because you’re my baby boy.”

He blushed as she ruffled his hair. “Ok, I’m out of here. I love you,” she said, kissing his cheek. “And I’m glad you’re still around to eat my lasagna.”

“Me too,” he said.

She made her way out of his apartment and he stared up at the ceiling. He had to return to the living. He forced himself off the couch and fought the urge to return to bed, grabbing his guitar. It had always been his solace. When he felt his lowest, he’d simply pound out a song and his mood would instantly improve. He strummed slowly, but his heart wasn’t in it. He set it down and laid back on the couch, curling up under a blanket and covering his head with a pillow. As he closed his eyes, he hoped she’d once again be there, so clear and yet not even a true memory.

Tomorrow was a new day. He’d try joining the living again tomorrow.

[anileahvictoria]

Adam Kendall from My Little House on the Prairie.

Cutie Mark: Adam has always had a fascination with law and thought about becoming a lawyer many times, but ultimately decides he could do more good as a teacher for the blind. His cutie mark was inspired by the saying that justice is blind, so the scales of justice represent balancing his love for the study of law with his responsibilities as a teacher, and husband, and the cloth is Lady Justice’s eye covering that makes her blind, just like Adam is.

I accidentally referred to Little House on the Prairie as My Little House on the Prairie, and this fan art was born. More on that later, It's time for a rant. Adam is my favorite character from the series until I got mad and left the fandom cause they did this beautiful man dirty, so It’s time to rant about it.

#1. The Romance. The romance between Mary and adam was totally out of the blue. When Merry goes blind, she's shipped off to blind school, and her teacher is this capable, intelligent and hard-working young man named Adam Kendal. His teaching still is very much tough love, and he doesn't take crap from his students. Mary starts as a reluctant, uncooperative, self-pitying, closed-minded student doing things like throwing her things across the room. Adam handles all this brilliantly, saying stuff like: if you're gonna make a mess, your gonna clean it up. Doesn't baby her or pitty her AT ALL. Exactly what she needs. After a few months, Mary's attitude changes drastically, and she's thriving thanks to Adam. But when Adam sits her down to teach her some piano, she has a moment of self-doubt: 

Merry: I could never learn...

Adam: I wish you would forget about that. Some of the greatest writers and composers in the worl were blind.Have you ever heard of John Milton? 

Merry: Well of course. He- he wrote Paradise Lost, one of my favorite books.

Adam: Well, he was also blind. Now, do you want to play the piano or not?

Merry: There wouldn't be enough time. You know my family's coming to take me home. They'll be here in a few days.

Adam: It's been a long time, hasn't it, since you've seen your folks?

Merry: It seems like a lifetime. Adam, I'm so scared. I mean... I know I'm ready to go home... But here it's- it's easy, and I've always got you to help me.

Adam: Merry, you can't depend on me forever. And I'll be leaving too. 

Merry: Where are you going?

Adam: To Winoka, to start a new blind school.

Merry: Why didn't you tell me?

Adam: I don't know. It just never came up. 

Merry: Then I'm glad I'm going home.

Adam: Merry, it's not that much different out there. Not really.

And now it gets all angsty:

Merry: Yes, it is. I wouldn't expect you to understand. How could you? 

Adam: Mary...

Mary: The world isn't like the Burton school for the blind. It... It's a huge, dark place filled with... hidden obstacles and... strange sounds and voices coming from faceless people. Even you. I've never even seen you. 

Adam: Well then look at me. 

... And then they start feeling each other's faces and, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure blind people don't actually do that...

And then it gets randomly and weirdly romantic...

Mary: What color are your eyes?

Adam: Blue.

Mary: Your hair?

Adam: Brown.

Mary: Thank you Adam.

Adam: ...What do you look like, Mary? Ive never seen you either.

Aaaand more face touching.

So apparently, they're a thing now. I'd understand if Adam fell for her cause she looks like a literal angel (seriously, no girl has any business looking that gorgeous), but Adam's blind too. So he's going ultimately off of personality, I'm guessing. And when he first meets Mary, she is not a pleasant person. Yes, she does improve quite a lot, but what makes her any different than all the other students he's taught? It certainly isn't their age, cause Adam's 22 and Mary's 15 (back then, I guess it wasn't a big deal). Also, It creeps me way out that her teacher falls in love with her. The man who spends most hours of the day alone with a vulnerable teenage girl falls in love with said girl AND THEN asks said girl to work for him at his new school in a busy city away from her family where it would just be Adam, Mary, one old man who lives on the top floor, and a few students, not to mention Mary would also be spending the nights there... It's a good thing this isn't that kinda show cause there's a million different ways that could've gone... But because this is Little House on the Prairie, nothing happens, and Adam asks Mary to be his wife soon after she moves in.

#2. Regaining his Sight And Becoming a Lawyer.

This really makes me mad. When Adam gets his sight back and sees the faces of all his friends and, most importantly, his wife for the first time. It's beautiful and wonderful and heaven knows the man deserves a miracle like that, BUT his whole character changes. He goes from a responsible teacher and loving husband who knows who he is and where he's meant to be, to an ambitious young man who would rather chase his dreams of becoming a lawyer than take care of his responsibilities to the school he started, the children he teaches, and the wife he loves. I can understand wanting to go and see the world and do things you couldn't do before, but sighted or blind, he has responsibilities. Mary is kinda left in the dust when Adam makes all these new sighted friends and drags her along to all his fancy lawyer parties while he plays games, runs around laughing and talking, and leaves Mary sitting in a chair all by herself. Like, he doesn't even consider how she must be feeling! He doesn't try to include her in conversations or introduce her to his new friends; she's just a pretty thing that sits there to be cared for. And the thing is, this is exactly what Adam was afraid would happen to him when Mary thought her sight was returning a few episodes ago! Now Adam's new fancy friends get him an opportunity to take some fancy tests to become a lawyer and Adam, without a second thought for Mary, goes off to take the test, not evening considering who would run the school if he passed and became a lawyer. Then some bad stuff happens, and he can't make it to the test, and I'm all relieved cause we all know he belongs with his wife teaching at the school and now he'll see things clearly and get his head off the cloud and onto the here and now. But nooooo, this whole time Mary is hoping he'd fail (and so am I), but when she sees how heartbroken he is, she goes and has a talk with the professor and convinces him to let Adam take the test. He finally relents, and Adam passes and becomes a lawyer, giving the school away to a wonderful woman who teaches there. This whole thing is treated like he made the right choice when he obviously isn't! Not I blame this on the time period the show was made in. Back then, a man had to be ambitious and provide for the family and leave the teaching and such to the woman, so back then, it was a good thing he went off and became a lawyer, but still, I'm mad. Correct me if I'm wrong, but when Adam hands the school over to the lady, Mary no longer teaches there, which means that Adam has taken away Mary's dream of teaching on top of not spending nearly as much time as he used to with her and (though he doesn't realize it and I don't think anyone brings it to his attention cause men are supposed" to do all the work) doesn't let her do things for herself.

#3. He's Fictional.

This one makes me the madest. At first, I turned a blind eye to all these flaws cause I assumed Adam Kendall was based off an actual person, like most characters in the series, but noooo. They made him up just for the tv series. This means his romance with Mary WAS totally random, and Mary staying in the same building as he did BEFORE they were married WAS the writer's choice, and Adam regaining his sight and leaving his wife and school in the dust WAS ALSO THE WRITERS CHOICE! AND he was basically just made to me Mary's husband because Mary doesn't marry or have children in real life. So yeah, my favorite character's development went down the drain. But oh well, that's what we have fanfic and fanart for, am I right? Oh wait, this show is old. No one's made any good fanart/fanfic. K, I'm gonna go cry now. Bye

Also, if anyone has a different opinion or point of view, please tell me about it. I'd love to go back to loving this character, so please change my mind 🥺. 

[yououui]

four times

KuroFai Week Day 7 - Vulnerability

i.

“If you want to die so badly, I’ll kill you myself. Until then, live.”

Kurogane doesn’t say it outright, but the hidden meaning between his words doesn’t seem very hidden.

I’ll kill you myself — I would never kill you

Until then, live — so we’ll be together for the rest of our lives

I want you to stay by my side. I love you too much to let you die.

Kurogane wonders if Fai truly understands, one blue eye widened in shock. It’s the most alive he’s looked since his eye was gouged out, his pale lips parting like he’s about to say something. Instead, he just shuts his eye and he smiles. His brow furrows slightly, like he’s frustrated, but he’s still smiling. The fact that he musters up enough energy for even that makes Kurogane’s chest swell.

Kurogange lets his hopes rise that maybe, after this, Fai will understand that he’s not expendable. That they care about him too much to let him just die. That Kurogane cares about him too much.

“Good morning, Kurogane.”

Kurogane tries to avoid feeling hopeful after that.

ii.

“Why did you do it?”

Fai asks the question with a broken voice as he gently touches the spot where Kurogane’s arm should be, so softly that Kurogane can barely feel it so as to not irritate the wrapped wound. Kurogane glances at the mage—he looks terribly sad, an expression Kurogane never wants to see reflected in those eyes again, but at least he’s alive. And Kurogane will always take the honesty over the false smile hiding Fai’s death wish.

Kurogane almost says something teasing. Almost calls the question stupid to lighten the mood. But Fai is being the most honest that Kurogane has ever seen him, and so he deserves the same treatment in return.

“I love you,” Kurogane says it so simply, so easily, his voice low but not hiding.

That was the most honest answer he could give. Also the fact that Kurogane would never leave someone he cared about to die, even if he didn’t necessarily love them, but the love was the easiest explanation. He loved Fai. He’d let himself die before he ever let anything happen to him. Cutting off an arm wasn’t exactly easy, but even with the pain and the soreness and the headache that wouldn’t go away, he’d do it a million times over if it meant Fai would survive.

Kurogane can see Fai try to hold back his emotions, his lips trembling as he presses them tightly together, but then his jaw wobbles and the tears fall from his eye like diamonds reflecting the moonlight. Fai is almost speechless the rest of the evening, his throat tight and his breath gasping, even when he’s stopped crying. Kurogane doesn’t receive Fai’s response by the time he falls asleep, but he doesn’t mind. Fai stays by his side until the next morning and beyond, and that’s all he needs.

iii.

Kurogane wakes in a far too soft bed. He doesn’t recognize where he is at first, but after getting a look at the sandstone walls, he recognizes it to be a room within the kingdom of Clow. He sighs and goes to brush a hand through his hair, but nothing happens. Right, his prosthetic arm got destroyed. He tries again with his right arm this time.

Eventually he gets up. His body is sore and there are some bandages on wounds that must have been tended to while he was unconscious, but the memory of what happened gives him enough energy to move anyway. It’s over. Finally, it was all over.

He puts on the slippers next to his bed and goes to the door to leave. He opens it to Fai, standing on the other side with his fist raised as if about to knock. Fai looks mildly surprised, his eyes—both eyes, both beautiful blue eyes—big and blinking.

“You’re up!” Fai squeaks. He clears his throat and smiles sheepishly. “Sorry. I sensed you up and I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

“Fine other than some soreness,” Kurogane says as he steps aside to let Fai in.

“Where were you off to?” Fai asks as he walks inside.

“To find you,” Kurogane tells him simply.

Fai looks at Kurogane and opens his mouth to say something, then stops and closes it again. Kurogane raises a brow and is about to tell Fai to just say what he wants to say, but before he can, slim arms are thrown around his neck, slender fingers threaded into his hair, and soft lips press against his own.

Kurogane stumbles back, his one arm wrapping around Fai’s waist, but kisses back without any question. Fai smiles against his lips as he pulls back slightly. “I don’t think I ever said it back,” He whispers. “But I love you too, Kuro-sama.”

They’re separated just enough to look into each other's eyes, and Kurogane thinks that he could never see the sky again so long as Fai continued to look at him. Kurogane kisses him again and pulls him deeper into the room. Fai has enough sense to kick the door shut.

iv.

Kurogane groans and scratches the back of his neck irritably, the parchment in his hand crumpling slightly from his frustration. Nearby, Fai is leisurely reading a book. As he turns the page, he says, “With the way you’re moaning and groaning over your vows, you make me think you don’t really want to marry me, Kuro-sama.”

“Shut up,” Kurogane drawls as he stands to go to their liquor stash hidden in one of their trunks.

Fai laughs and puts his book down takes the cup offered to him as Kurogane takes a seat beside the mage. “What is it, then?” Fai asks as Kurogane fills his cup. “Tell me.”

“I just… Don’t wanna have to say all that crap,” Kurogane grumbles, pouring his own cup. “In front of everyone.”

“Oh, come now, Kuro-pon. It’s not that bad,” Fai tells him with a flippant wave of the hand. “It’s just traditional vows that everyone has to say when they marry, no one will think twice about you saying them. Now, if you really want to be embarrassed, recite what you said in bed last night and—”

Kurogane cuts Fai off with a big hand to the top of his blond head. Kurogane ruffles his hair a bit too hard so his blond ponytail gets all messed up. He knows it doesn’t really hurt, but Fai still waves his fist in the air and whines, “Kuro-sama! That. Really. Hurts!”

Kurogane scoffs as he pulls his hand back and takes a sip. Fai dramatically pushes his hair from his face, then smiles softly at Kurogane. “Seriously. Does it really bother you so much?” Fai asks, gesturing to the vows forgotten on the floor.

“I just. Don’t. Want everyone else. To hear,” Kurogane says stiffly.

Because Kurogane isn’t the kind of person to hide his feelings, so long as he is in the right company. Fai has seen him in states that others probably thought just didn’t exist for Kurogane, but that was because Fai was the closest person in Kurogane’s life. His best friend, his partner, soon to be his legally official husband. Since long before Fai himself would share his own emotions, Kurogane had no problem showing his vulnerability to the mage; Fai was safety. He was home.

But in front of the entire Shirasagi court? The Empress? Souma!? Hell, even Tomoyo, another person he trusted with his emotions, had never seen him be so affectionate with Fai before. 

Fai sighs with an exasperated, lovely smile and shakes his head. “Give me your hand,” He says suddenly as he puts his cup down. Kurogane eyes him wearily but does as he’s told, laying his flesh hand in Fai’s palm.

Immediately, Kurogane feels warm magic spread over his skin and travel up his arm. He’s felt Fai’s magic before—he still has it lingering within him, where Ginryuu is magically stored in his hand—but this feels different. Fai’s magic, even when used innocuously, has an incomprehensible power behind it. It crackles like lightning, burns like fire, shifts the atmosphere from the sheer force of it.

This, though, this feels soft. No harsh edges, just comfort. It’s soothing, almost, like it could lull Kurogane to sleep if he allowed it to. He curls his fingers around Fai’s hand, holding it tighter. Fai returns the sentiment.

“In Celes,” He explains. “Wedding ceremonies were done in private. After all, it’s not like a couple needed to prove to anyone that they loved each other. And after they were finished, then everyone would gather to drink to celebrate the new marriage until we were all passed out on the banquet floor. The couple included.”

Fai smiles fondly at a memory from a life long gone. More magic spreads from his palm, until his and Kurogane’s hands are glowing pale blue.

“They’d use this spell,” Fai continues, squeezing his hand. “It connects the two. It makes them able to feel each other, so no words need to be spoken.”

So, Kurogane realizes, that’s what he is feeling. It isn’t Fai’s magic, it’s Fai himself. Warm, soft, comforting, loving. Fai’s feelings mix with his own until he can’t tell which are his anymore.

As if to seal the spell into place, Fai lifts their hands and kisses the back of Kurogane’s hand, and then the magic glow fades away. Neither of them let go of the other, though. “And that’s it,” Fai says with a smile. “We’re married. By Celesian standards, anyway.”

“Don’t think that’ll make Tomoyo give up on parading us around tomorrow,” Kurogane grumbles.

“Then, just take my hand,”  Fai tells him. “You’ll say all the things that are expected of you, but only I’ll be the one to know what you’re really feeling. No one else has to know. Just you and me.”

Kurogane looks down at their clasped hands. “Don’t think we needed a spell for you to know that,” He says quietly.

Fai laughs quietly and nods in agreement. Because after all, who knows Kurogane’s feelings better than Fai, and Fai’s better than Kurogane? “No,” Fai whispers as he leans in close to kiss Kurogane’s cheek. “I suppose we didn’t.”

[tearsofgrace]

Don’t Forget Me, I Beg

read on archive!

Cas

“Cas?! Thank god, you’re awake. Look, the doctors said you wouldn’t remember anything… but I figured, well, since you’re an angel, ya know?”

Cas blinked and looked around him, trying to get his bearings. He had an IV connected to his arm, and a heart rate monitor taped to his finger. There was a slight stinging on his chest, but besides that he felt fine. Then he froze. What had the man said? Angel?

“Yeah, of course,” he muttered, looking into those earnest green eyes. 

Looking back on it, he would have no idea why he said it. Why he lied. Why he pretended to know what was going on when he knew a total of three things about himself. That his name was Castiel (seriously, what kind of a name was that?), that he was in Longmont, Colorado, and that he was in love with a man named Dean Winchester. 

He had no idea where Longmont was in relation to anything else, and he had no idea where to find this Dean Winchester. But his mind clung to those facts desperately, trying to block out the swirling confusion that threatened to overwhelm him. 

“So, your grace blocked whatever spell that was?” Cas nodded and busied himself counting the freckles on the man’s face. He had a lot of them. 

“You scared us, man. You were out for four days. They said you were in a coma, and you probably wouldn’t wake up. But Sam and I figured that your grace would heal you faster.” 

There was that word again, grace. Every time he heard it something inside him seemed to glow, to buzz with a fiery heat. 

“I’m sure you need your rest. I’ll go find Sam. He was finishing up the hunt.” The man looked him up and down one more time then walked from the room. 

A hunt. Okay, so he’d been hurt in a hunting accident. Though that didn’t seem right. He didn’t feel like a hunter. And what was that about a spell anyway? And had the guy seriously called him an angel?

Angel must be a nickname. Or maybe it was his last name. He wasn’t sure if he had one. 

A nurse walked in and smiled warmly at him. 

“Mr. Dougherty said you remember. That’s really good news, Simon. We should be able to get you out of here in just a few days.”

“My name is Castiel,” he said automatically, squinting at her. 

She nodded with a smile and glanced pointedly at the IV drip connected to his arm. Great. So she thought he was delusional. 

Which really, might be better for him. He had no idea why he’d pretended to remember--what had she said?--Mr. Dougherty. But now that he had, it seemed he would need to play the part. 

“I need to find Dean Winchester,” Cas said as the nurse turned to leave the room. 

“I’m sorry, but I only know the two men that brought you in.” 

“Did I have a phone?” She shook her head and glanced quickly at her clipboard, clearly anxious to get back to her rounds. 

“What happened? I only remember leaving the house and then it all goes black.” He wasn’t sure if he even had a house. But it seemed like a plausible story, and he needed at least a few answers. 

“You were in a hunting accident. They said you hit your head, but we can’t find any bruises. To tell you the truth, Simon, you have us puzzled. The cuts on your chest… well, it’s not important now. You’re doing okay, and that’s what’s important.” She smiled again, tight and close-lipped, and then hurried from the room. 

Cas ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. He needed to find Dean. Dean would help him. He shifted in the bed and lifted the collar of the loose hospital gown. He nearly cried out when his eyes found his chest. 

Pure white light was shining through the deep, blood red cuts. They were meticulous, almost like they were forming some symbol. And they were disappearing. Where the light touched, the skin knit back together and left light pink scar tissue. 

Cas watched mutely, then dropped the hospital gown and leaned back in his bed. His tired eyes found the IV and he shook his head slowly. He wasn’t thinking right, and he didn’t know what he had seen. 

He needed to find Dean. 

Cas ripped the IV roughly from his arm and pulled the heart rate monitor from his finger. Then he stumbled to his feet, surprised when he didn’t feel woozy. In his experience (as far as he knew it to be), coma patients generally were very disoriented when they woke up. And he’d only been awake for an hour and thirty-six minutes. Cas frowned at the number--it was oddly specific--but shrugged it off and walked to the cabinet in the corner of the room. 

He found a trenchcoat and a wrinkled suit and started dressing under his gown. 

Then he slid the thin fabric over his head and looked at his chest. The barest outline of a scar remained, and he closed his eyes, determined to ignore it. It must have been an old scar anyway. An old scar he was turning into something more than it needed to be. 

His fingers struggled on the buttons of his shirt, and he guessed he didn’t get dressed in a suit often. After he’d shrugged the trenchcoat over his shoulders, he turned to the window. His reflection was faintly visible, and he looked right. He felt like himself again, whoever that was. 

With detached interest, he noted that his hair was black and his eyes were blue. Not what he would have guessed, but that didn’t matter. He smoothed his hair carefully, trying to stop it from sticking up at odd angles, but it didn’t work so he gave up. Something in his pocket hit against his hip and he pulled out an old flip phone. 

He quickly flipped it open and opened the contacts. There were only six. Sam, Bobby, Rowena, 666 (that had to be a joke), Jack and Dean. His breath quickened as he clicked on the name, finger hovering over the call button. 

But he didn’t click it. When he’d woken up, he told himself he knew three things about his life. That had been a lie. He remembered four. His name was Castiel, he was in Longmont, Colorado, he loved Dean Winchester, and Dean Winchester did not love him back. 

So he didn’t call, but he figured a text wouldn’t hurt. His fingers felt unpracticed on the keys, but he managed to type, Where should I meet you? 

He frowned at the message. It didn’t make sense, really. Not if Dean had no idea where he was. Then he clicked send anyway. 

For a minute, he stood staring at the dirty window with his reflection faintly visible on the dirty glass. Then he walked from the room, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention before leaving the hospital. He pulled his phone from his pocket again and clicked on the notification.

We’ll pick you up at the hospital. Sam killed the witch, so we’re leaving town. 

Witch. Alright. That was normal. 

Dean

“He remembers, Sam.” His brother stood and shrugged, gathering the last of their things from the room. 

“Really? Because that witch seemed pretty sure he didn’t. She cast a spell designed for angels, Dean.” Dean frowned and threw the room key on the table, leading the way to the car. 

“That’s weird. I thought she didn’t know what Cas was. And it’s the same spell she cast on all the other vics, right? They were all human.”

“Right, they were. But she got wind we were in town and used a different one that would work on him. She told me herself, right before I killed her.” Dean rolled his eyes and got in the car. 

“So you believe her? You were about to kill her, Sammy. She was just trying to freak you out.”

Sam snorted but stayed silent. 

They got to the hospital a few minutes later, and Cas was standing outside, back in his trenchcoat and suit. Dean couldn’t help but smile a little. The angel looked so lost. The nurses had probably given him a bitch of a time.

When the car pulled up to the curb, the angel stood there, just looking at the street. Dean sighed and rolled down his window. 

“Hey, Cas. We kinda need to roll, what’s the hold up?” 

“Dougherty?” His voice was a little higher than normal, more like Jimmy Novak’s had been. Dean frowned but raised his eyebrows.

“Dude, that’s the name on the insurance. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, sorry. I have to wait for-- I can’t go with you.” His stomach was starting to sink and he took a deep breath.

“See, Dean? I told you.” He was tempted to tell Sam to shut up, but Cas spoke first. 

“Dean? Wait, Dean Winchester?” 

“Yeah, that’s me. You really don’t remember anything, huh?” Cas was staring at him like he was back from the dead. Well, back from the dead again. 

“If you remember me, or at least my name, get in the car. We’re here to help, okay? I promise.” The angel gulped, his eyes never leaving Dean’s. Then he nodded and got in the backseat. 

Dean drove away from the hospital with the pedal almost flat against the floor, hands gripping the wheel. Cas didn’t remember anything. Didn’t even know who he was. 

“Call her.” 

“Calm down, Dean. I’m working on it.” Sam dialed slowly and raised the phone to his ear, holding up a finger for silence. 

“Hey, Rowena… yeah, I know we’re sorry about that… listen, we need your help.” Dean glanced at him, ignoring the road.

“Put her on speaker.” Sam rolled his eyes but lowered the phone. 

“Rowena, you have to help us fix Cas.”

“Dean, always with the pleasantries. I wish I could say it’s good to hear your voice.” 

“Cut the crap, Rowena.” Her sigh blew through the speakers, and her accent managed to seep into it.

“Fine. What seems to be the trouble with the angel?” Cas perked up in the back seat and leaned forward. 

“A witch. Some sort of memory spell.”

“That worked on an angel?” She sounded mildly impressed. If she’d been in the car, Dean might have strangled her. 

“I’ll come to you, boys. I know of two spells that could do this, and the cure is very different for the both. Although, I must admit I hope it’s the second of the two.” Dean pulled the phone from Sam’s hand and held it to his mouth. 

“Why? What’s the second?”

“Now now, Dean. We mustn’t spoil the surprise. Now where are you?” Dean opened his mouth to spit something back at her but Sam grabbed the phone. 

“Mead, Colorado.” 

“I’ll be there in two hours. Bye, boys.” Sam hung up before Dean could take the phone again and Dean rolled his eyes, slamming a palm into the wheel. 

“I’m… an angel?” Cas’ voice had started to drop in register, and he was sounding more like himself. 

“Yeah. One of God’s finest. Well, not really. But you’re one of the not-dick angels, so that’s good.” When Cas didn’t answer he looked in the rearview mirror. The angel was staring out the window with a thoughtful look on his face. 

They pulled into the nearest motel and waited in tense silence for Rowena to get there. Dean didn’t really see a point in trying to explain to Cas who he was. He meant too much. To him, to the world. 

Everytime he looked at the angel, he found him staring. He would look away as soon as he saw Dean’s eyes on him, but by the fourth time Dean stopped trying to convince himself he was imagining things. 

He couldn’t place the emotion on Cas’ face, but it was far different than how he looked at Sam. And it hadn’t been Sam’s name he knew. 

Dean was almost glad when Rowena knocked on the door. 

“Hello, boys.” The minute the words left her mouth, he decided he wasn’t glad. She was a pain in the ass. 

When Dean didn’t reply, she sighed and walked over to Cas.

“I drop everything for you bloody Winchesters and when I get here, I’m greeted with cold silence. Are you sure Cassie wants his memories back?” Sam stood up and took her bag, setting it on the bed.

“Thanks for coming, Rowena.” She sighed again, more dramatically if that was possible, and put a hand on Cas’ head. 

Her laughter rang through the room and she took her hand back, folding over. 

“What?” Dean growled. 

“It’s a very interesting spell, one I’ve only used once myself. It’s designed for fallen angels. Well, angel’s who’ve fallen.” Dean squinted at her and instinctively reached a hand to the gun in his waistband, so she hurried to go on. 

“Fallen in love, that is. It leaves the angel with the memory of the name of the one they’ve fallen for, and a few other details. The best part,” she laughed again and then went on, wiping her eyes, “Is that it can only be undone by a kiss from that person.” 

“A fucking true love’s kiss. Are you fucking kidding me?” She raised her eyebrows but laughed again. 

“Well, this shouldn’t be too hard for you, boys. I would be on my way, but I’m afraid I’ll have to stay for this.” 

“Whatever, we’ll just find the girl and get her here,” Dean said, the blood in his veins running cold. Cas was in love with someone. That didn’t bother him at all. 

He could feel heat rising in his cheeks and he tried desperately to calm down. Rowena was laughing again. 

“Oh, you poor, sweet thing.” She turned to Cas, who was watching the whole exchange with wide eyes. 

“It’s okay, Castiel. You can say who it is. He won’t be mad I promise.” She said it softly, especially for a witch, but Cas still stared back at her with wide eyes before dropping his gaze. Dean looked over at Sam, his heart pounding. His brother seemed to be hiding a smile, and not very successfully. 

Then he looked back to Cas. The angel’s eyes were fixed on the floor and his ears were tinted pink. Dean could see his shoulders rising and falling in deep, controlled breaths, like he was trying to calm down. 

“It won’t matter,” the angel finally said. 

“Cas, he feels the same,” Sam said, crossing the room to stand next to Rowena. 

“What the hell is going on?” Dean glanced between the two of them, trying to read their faces. Besides laughter, he found nothing.

“I know he doesn’t. I can’t remember why I know. Or anything else about who I am. I know that though.” Sam nodded slowly and looked at Rowena, who was staring at Cas with an incredulous smirk.

“Okay, this has been fun, but I really need to get going. I left a very… interesting party for this. Cas, say the name. You want to remember who you are, don’t you?” He nodded and looked up, finally meeting Dean’s eyes.

“I’m in love with Dean Winchester.” Dean froze. At least his face wasn’t bright red anymore. It was now white as a sheet. He ran a hand nervously through his hair and looked at Sam and Rowena. They weren’t laughing anymore. 

Then he walked to Cas and cupped his face gently, pulling him up so they were chest to chest.

He looked scared, but Dean didn’t blame him. He had no idea who he was, just one name and the knowledge that he wasn’t loved back. At least Dean could do something about it. He ran a thumb over the angel’s cheek down to his lip, grazing it softly. 

Then he gently threaded his hand into the angel’s hair and pulled him into a kiss. Their lips met gently, barely touching, and then he pulled back. 

The angel’s eyes glowed white, and then widened. 

“Dean?”

“Hey, Cas.”

“You didn’t have to--” Dean pulled his hand from his hair and set it gently on the angel’s waist, pressing their bodies together. Sam cleared his throat and Dean raised his middle finger, smiling as he pressed his forehead into Cas’. Sam sighed (Dean could almost hear the eye roll) and quickly left the room, followed closely by Rowena. 

“I love you too, Cas.” The angel smiled softly and leaned in for another kiss. 

[elianamarie-blog]

Hey bestie! could i get a ship for that 70s show?

i’m a 5’6 nonbinary (she/they) with short hair and curtain bangs my hair colour is done to look like narcissa malfoys (dark brown with platinum blonde on the underside). I have blue/grey eyes.

i’m an INFP, Ravenclaw, and a Taurus. My hobbies are making music, and playing pranks on my sister lol. I love marvel, harry potter, and criminal minds.

ive been told i’m very cocky and my ego is through the roof. I’d consider myself a very kind person who’s easy to talk to. i like to joke around a lot with my friends and sarcasm is my first language,

My aesthetic conveniently is very 70s/vintage, and my music taste is also a lot of throwbacks.

what i want to do when i’m older is forensic psychology!

hope you get to mine but if not that’s fine! Love your writing!

-M

Thank you bestie! You sound like an amazing, interesting person! (And gorgeous too) I got you! And thank you SO much for reading my content. You, are amazing <3 

Who’s Up For A Challenge?

Michael Kelso x reader

-Y/n L/n was new in town and found enjoyment in messing with the players of the town.

-She was known as “that chick”

-She was incredibly witty, sarcastic, cocky, but so kind and beautiful.

-She may have accidentally had a couple of good guys fall in love with her.

-She had to gently turn them down and that actually broke her heart.

-She loved a good challenge though.

-She was sitting in the Hub with her college lab partner, Donna, when the none other than himself, Michael Kelso, walked in.

-Y/n had heard about him.

-The infamous Michael Kelso. Playboy of Point Place.

-Donna called him over and as he sat down, he noticed her.

-Of course, he had to hit on her.

-When he asked her out, she, of course said yes.

- “Alright, I’ll be here to pick you up tonight.”

-Y/n smiled as he walked away.

-As Donna leaned in and started to warn Y/n about him, Y/n cut her off.

- “I know.”

- “You know?”

- “Yes. I’ve heard of this dillhole and I’ve got a plan.”

-Donna was intrigued as Y/n started unraveling her plan. 

- “I’m going to make him fall in love with me. Then I’m going to break his heart and make him feel what he makes every girl here feel.”

-Donna wasn’t so into it, but knew she couldn’t stop her.

-So, Y/n went through with the plan and met up with Kelso that night.

-He got her a burger from Fatso Burger and took her to Mt. Hump.

-He started kissing her neck and making out with her.

-She knew she was good at sex and everything else.

-But she refused to give it to him on the first date.

-She was a classy person after all.

-Kelso had set up a challenge to get in the sack.

-She already knew that though, because well duh.

-She ended up befriending Donna and Jackie over it.

-Jackie was thrilled and squealing.

- “Finally, he’s going to feel the hell that he put me through,” Jackie said.

- “You scare me,” Donna said. “Besides, you’re with Hyde now. It shouldn’t matter.”

- “Oh, whatever. Revenge is dish best served cold.”

- Y/n laughed and threw an arm over Jackie’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, girl. I got you. I’m going to drag him through the mud and then hang him out to dry.”

- “Oh, I love you!” Jackie squeaked and hugged Y/n tightly.

- “Okay, now you both scare me,” Donna said.

-Donna tried to warn Kelso, but of course he didn’t listen to her.

-He just took it as her being jealous that he wasn’t going to nail her.

-Even though she was back with Eric.

-Kelso this time took Y/n to a drive in and bought her the classic: popcorn and a coke.

-Y/n was down to date 2 out of 10.

-He started kissing her again, softer, gentler, but started getting handsy again.

-Y/n smacked his hand away multiple times before he finally up.

- “Well, damn, Y/n!” he cried out, shaking his hand. 

- “Keep your hands to yourself, lover boy,” she threatened.

- “Yeah, or what?” he challenged.

- “Trust me, you don’t want to challenge me.”

- “Maybe I do.”

- “Trust me, sweetie, you don’t. I can snap you in half.”

-His eyes lit up. “You must be hot in the sack!”

-Y/n couldn’t help but laugh. “Take me home, you jerk.”

- He chuckled. “Yes, dear.”

-When he dropped her off, she turned to him. “Pick me up Friday for dinner at 8pm.”

- Kelso nodded and smiled at her.

-Eric, Hyde, and Fez caught onto the challenge and decided to make it a bet.

-Hyde said Kelso would make a fool out of himself and end up being dumped.

-Eric said Kelso would actually score.

-Fez said he just wanted to be part of the action and said Y/n would win.

-Doesn’t mean Hyde didn’t try to sabotage the bet by giving Kelso wrong information.

-For example, he told him to pick up Y/n late instead of on time because it shows that he’s desperate and clingy.

-Which is what the idiot did.

-Y/n was NOT pleased.

-She made him buy her lobster and flowers.

-At the end of the night she ended up giving him a hot make out sesh, but left him to take care of himself.

-Date 3 out of 10 down.

-Now, Eric was trying to sabotage the bet by giving Kelso tips how to get laid.

-Which Kelso laughed at until Donna spoke up.

- “You got to invoke her mind, man,” Eric said. “People like her like to be intellectually challenged.”

- “Yeah right,” Michael scoffed.

- “No, Eric is actually right for once,” Donna said, bored. “Y/n isn’t like the other girls in this town. She actually has a brain.”

- “And some nice jugs,” Fez said earning a glare from the group.

- “Try talking to her about literature and psychology and music. She likes that kind of stuff. And leave out any kinds of ‘doing it.’ Intelligent people like her don’t like that.”

- “But I wanna do it.”

- “I know, but you got to make her think you want her mind, not her body.”

- “Yeah, that’s a good idea!” Kelso said and ran out the door to spontaneously surprised Y/n at her house with flowers and a...book.

- “Donna, what the hell are you doing?” Hyde asked.

- “I know, I’m such a bad friend to her,” Donna said. “I’m going to hell.”

- “No, not that. I’m trying to get her to dump him for being stupid. Don’t give the guy pointers!”

-Kelso showed up at Y/n’s door with a picnic basket, a blanket, flowers, and a gift.

-She was definitely surprised.

-He found the perfect spot under the tree and laid out the blanket. 

- “I got you something” he said and gave her a gift sloppily wrapped in paper. 

-She opened it up and it was a vintage psychology book from the late 1800′s.

-She was genuinely impressed. “Where did you find this?”

-Well, I heard you talking about your love of psychology and vintage things and found this at an antique store. Thought you’d might like it.”

-Her eyes actually filled with tears.

-Even thought it was their fourth date, she felt touched by the gift and allowed 2nd base.

-The next few dates ended going the same flow. 

-He’d take her out, hoping for sex, she would tease him and then leave him to take care of himself.

-By their 7th date, he was beginning to grow frustrated.

-So, far Fez was winning the bet.

-On the eighth date, Y/n introduced Michael to her parents.

-They were spectacle, but polite to him nonetheless.

-Eighth date consisted of the carnival.

-As the lights shown down on y/n’s beautiful face, he realized he might actually feelings for her.

-Y/n knew she started developing feelings for him after the fourth date, but she refused to say anything. It was just a reaction to the sweet gift.

-Even though she knew he had a kid with another woman, it didn’t stop her from feeling the way she did.

-He won her a stuffed elephant, a goldfish, and bought her a hotdog.

-Back in the car, they were making out again. “I think I really like you.”

-She smiled into the kiss. “I like you too, but you’re still not getting any.”

- “That’s okay,” he whispered, shocking both of them.

-He ended up panicking to the guys later on that night.

- “So? Just go bang the next chick you see. You did that to Jackie a lot when she didn’t want to sleep with you,” Hyde said.

- “That’s the problem. I can’t,” Kelso said and ran a hand through his hair. “I tried but every time I went to, I just couldn’t find myself to do it. They’re not her, man.”

-The guys gave him crap and started taunting him.

- “You love her!” Fez said and tried to make kissy faces with Eric.

- “Yeah, we don’t do that,” Eric said, pushing Fez’s face away from his.

- “What’re you going to do?” Hyde asked seriously.

- “Just...try to make her mine at this point.”

-On the ninth date, Y/n was freaking out.

-How could she have fallen for him?

-She’s never felt this way after messing with a guy like this.

-Why?

-Why?

-WHY?!

-Stupid, stupid, stupid--

-The doorbell rang.

-He stood there with a dozen red roses.

- “I got something special,” he said.

-He ended up taking her to the lake with a complete romantic dinner.

-Candles, wine, chocolates, and pasta that he had help from mom make.

-Y/n’s eyes pricked with tears.

-No one has ever done this for her before.

-Throughout the evening, he had actually engaged in intelligent conversation and opened up to her.

-He talked about his hopes and dreams, his fears, and his loves.

- “People don’t give you enough credit,” she said. “You have a lot going for you. You just don’t show this side to people. Why?”

- He shrugged. “It’s funnier this way. I don’t want them knowing this side of me, Then they’ll start...expecting stuff from me and I don’t want that pressure.”

- “Well, you’re secret is safe with me,” she said, taking a sip of wine.

- “Well, come on, you have a lot more going for you. You want to be a forensic psychologist. That’s awesome, whatever that is.”

-Y/n chuckled and explained it to him while he actually listened to her!

-She actually changed the playboy of the town!

-Y/n wasn’t sure if it was the wine, but she couldn’t take it anymore and brought him for a hasty kiss. “I want to go all the way with you tonight.”

-At this point, she didn’t care if he broke her heart, she just needed him before he could.

-The moment was actually beautiful.

-He was so gentle and and sweet, making sure she was actually okay with it.

-And it was the best sex either one of them ever had.

-As they laid down in the back of the car, they confessed they ended up confessing their feelings towards each other, including the plans they each had for each other.

- “I’ve never felt this way towards anyone before,” y/n said. “This really bit me in the ass this time.”

- “I’ve never felt this way before period,” he chuckled. “I guess it bit me in the ass too.”

- “Are we dumb for doing this?” she whispered.

- “Totally.”

-They laughed together and ended up doing it again the second time that night.

-On their tenth date, he took her to the carnival again, but he had something more special planned.

-He took her to the top of the Ferris wheel and when it got to the top, he grabbed her hand and nervously asked her if she’d officially be his.

-She grinned at him brightly and nodded yes.

- “Great, now I can give you this,” he said and took off his hoodie that he was wearing. “You’re my girl now and I want you to have it. It’s my favorite hoodie.”

-She kissed him deeply and put it on.

-She wore it everyday from then on.

-One day she was over at the Forman’s and while they were waiting for everyone to join them, they started making out on the couch.

-The door opened, revealing Hyde, Eric, and Fez.

- “DAMMIT!” Hyde shouted.

- Fez laughed. “Pay up!”

- “Wait,” Eric asked. “Did you guys do it yet?”

- Kelso smiled. “Totally.”

-Eric turned to Hyde with his palm turned upwards. “Pay up, bitch.”

- “What’s that not fair!” he bitched.

- “Oh, it totally is,” Fez laughed.

- “No, I’ll tell you what’s not fair. Michael didn’t get hurt like he was supposed to!” Jackie said.

- “No, he got something better,” Donna said. “True love! And someone to kick his ass into shape.”

- “A matchmade in Heaven,” Fez joked while Hyde handed him his cash. “Thank you Hyde.”

- “Yeah, shut up.”

[nikkithomas]

Here’s the deal. I started having a lot of pain in my lower back, legs and hips. At first, I went to the chiropractor and he did some adjustments. I seriously felt so much better.

My regular doctor had prescribed some medicine for me for an unrelated thing and it made me so sick. I’d be so nauseous that I’d have to go get fresh air...walk it off...or even splash water on my face. That had been going on even when I was in Knoxville.

Aircheck had asked me to talk about my ACM trip to Vegas when we won in 2019. I’m sure there were people who thought it was funny or maybe even crass...but they asked what I thought or what was going through my head at that ceremony...and I think my answer was something to the effect of “I was trying not to throw up” or something like that. My stomach was on fire and I felt so dizzy. My face was all flushed and hot. I thought about going to the ER there in Vegas...but I was afraid I’d miss the reason I was there...to pick up the ACM for our station. I think it was win number seven for the station...as a PD it was my third...and it was still a pretty big deal. Honest to God, I didn’t want to let anyone down. I also wasn’t sure if it was food poisoning or something. When I got back to Knoxville, went to my doctor...they ran tests...gave me some medicine...and I thought that was the end of it. They still couldn’t figure out what was going on with me, though.

I left Knoxville and moved to the Tri Cities. Best decision I’ve made in years, by the way. I truly love these people. They’ve done a phenomenal job of protecting their product and their people and I believe that’s why this station is still so healthy when many other legendary stations have suffered. The stress level dropped substantially. It’s amazing what can be accomplished when the station and the people are a priority. Which by the way...XBQ has been so much like KAT Country. It’s been everything I love about radio and thought I’d never experience again. These people couldn’t be farther apart...yet be so much alike. It’s a good thing.

The main thing bothering me then...was my back and legs. Kept having some really nasty pain. The pain was so intense sometimes that it made me nauseous. My face was flushed...I had a fever...then I didn’t have one. Maybe it was my weight? I was getting up to pee a lot at night. Only sleeping one or two hours in a stretch. It was all these things that I never put together.

I wanted to get healthy. Told my doctor I wasn’t going to take that medicine that made me feel so bad...just in case that was the problem. My endocrinologist was cool with that. I started the keto diet. Actually...I did keto up until right before Thanksgiving.

I was so happy. My thyroid is absolutely hateful...so losing weight is the hardest thing to do it seems. On keto...I dropped over 30 pounds. Wow! I thought that was great!! Everything felt better. My energy levels were up. I’d get up at 4am and wouldn’t stop until 11pm...and everything was good...until my hip, back and legs started hurting again. It was so bad one morning that the guys I work with called chiropractors for me. It was awful.

The pain had never really stopped...but at a certain point you just get used to the pain and move on as best you can. That’s what I did up until a few weeks ago. If you know me, you know that I love Toys For Tots, St Jude, Second Harvest, etc. We were out with the marines working on Toys For Tots and I ended up having to miss one day because I hurt so bad. Now for me...that’s bad.

It never let up. I’ve just pushed through and tried to “suck it up” since then. That was a couple of weeks before Christmas. Y’all I seriously thought it might be psychosomatic. Maybe it was all in my head. If it hurt...I’d try to stretch or move and work it out of my body...but that NEVER worked.

So...I go back to the chiropractor. Those guys were so good to me. They can electrocute me anytime they want. (All hail the TENS unit!!) That seemed to be working...and then we had a little bit of a COVID scare at work...(everyone is okay, thank goodness). Around that time...I was running a fever off and on. Low grade. There were some other things that weren’t feeling quite right...so...just to be safe...I got another COVID test and quarantined. Still...I felt like I was ALWAYS in pain. Sometimes it was so bad...I couldn’t move or do anything in any way to make it stop. It made me want to cry. It was embarrassing. It was frustrating because I couldn’t get it to let up. It got so bad that last Saturday I drove myself to the ER to get checked out.

Urgent Care said they couldn’t help because I needed “imaging”. Well...I got that imaging done folks. Turns out...I have a scary mass on my right ovary. It’s pretty huge.

I went in Saturday night...terrified of being around sick people...but it had to be done. The pain was so intense...that my blood pressure shot sky high...and my nose starting bleeding. The doctor ordered morphine, Norco and a CT scan.

The guy doing the scan was a travel nurse. He went from being pretty chatty to sort of quiet and reserved after the test. When they injected the dye into me...he was telling me it would hurt...and it was nothing compared to what I was feeling.

I woke up two hours after the scan to the doctor on call sitting next to my bed and looking sorta weird at me. She told me they’d received my test results and everything I’d said was right on the money.

The burning, pressure, aching, tension...all of it...was related to what she referred to as “not the biggest mass” she’d ever seen...but “one of the largest”. She was surprised I’d been walking around with this thing in me for God knows how long.

Now here’s where the story goes off the rails.

That doctor at Ballad mentioned the word “cancer” about nine times in that room. That was the “suspected” diagnosis. She said I needed to follow up and see another doctor because of what could be “cancer”...and told me they’d have to see if it had spread anywhere.

Now...that was a LOT to take in. So...I did what any other person with an iPhone, an unlimited data plan and tons of morphine in their system would do...I looked that crap up on “Dr Internet”.

The next time a nurse came in...I asked her...”Umm did you guys do a CA 125 test?”

That same poor sweet nurse, who would go on to blow a vein...and push the medicine through the IV into my skin, thereby causing a monster of a bruise and making my vein get rock hard...she said in this really hushed tone...”I don’t know...I’ll ask. I saw your report. I’m so sorry.”

At this point...I’m facing my mortality. I just wanted out of there. I wanted this damn thing out of me...I wanted answers...I wanted everything to be okay.

I still want everything to be okay.

By the way...she never came back in with the answer to that CA 125 test question. So I took that as a hard “no”...or “they did it and don’t want to tell me”.

Monday I was back in the ER. Doubled over, in tears.

The doctor ordered pain medicine...that never came in the four hours I was there. That was NOT a fun time. The nurses just let me sit there. To her credit...the doctor was pretty furious when she found out they’d ignored her orders. Once again...this other doctor looks at me and says...”You know they think this is cancer?”

No. Still no test...but she made an appointment for me with a local oncologist.

Now...that CA 125 antigen test is not infallible, nor is it the end-all-be-all test for ovarian cancer. It is a marker though specifically for ovarian cancer.

So if they’re telling you that you have a massive tumor and it could be cancer...(two doctors over two visits..the word has been dropped about a dozen times...it’s also in the CT report...you’d think someone would bust out a needle...draw the blood...see what that looks like...and get you in the right frame of mind in case it is this horrible bastard of a disease!! Right? Wrong.)

The mass at the time was 10.3cm x 10.3cm x 7.1cm.

The oncologist couldn’t see me for a week...the gynecologist couldn’t see me until February 1st.

Yeah. No big hurry. I’m just having trouble walking. I’m in tears. I’m peeing...like a teaspoon at a time. I know that’s graphic...but if you don’t pee...you need to get checked. I felt like I was (and still feel, by the way) in the middle of a massive labor pain that wouldn’t ease off. It’s pain that makes you want to throw up sometimes. It’s super intense.

I went home that second time...sat down in my room...and I couldn’t help but tear up. I’ve cried two and a half times over the “state of things” since this started. Those are the “what am I going to do” tears...totally different from the “oh Lord this hurts like hell...dear God make it stop” tears.

Talked to our friend Eric who told me it was a shame I didn’t live in Nashville...because I could probably call Vanderbilt and be seen pretty quickly. Eric...was right. I’m three hours from Vanderbilt...but only an hour or so from Knoxville.

I called UT. (Go Vols!) That football situation isn’t ideal...but that hospital ain’t half bad.

Within less than an hour...the head Oncologist had looked over my CT scan and was working to get me in there ASAP. They’d have taken me that day...but it was too late in the day and I’d never make it down there in time. So...they scheduled me for Wednesday morning.

Before I walked out of the room that morning...they told me they were going to operate and get this out of me by Monday at the very latest. The schedule was full...so they needed to check on a few things before I left the hospital...just in case there was torsion or whatever.

I had a CA 125 test. That looked good from what I understand but my CT scan and sonogram looked sketchy. The mass appeared to be even larger since Saturday?!? (It showed up as being 12.6cm x 13.3cm x 8.3cm) They gave me a COVID test and told me to self isolate until my surgery...which is scheduled for tomorrow.

It was upon learning how much larger this thing had become...that I named it...”Larry King”.

I don’t know why...but that seemed to be the name that fit whatever this thing is inside me. In my mind...it looks like Larry King...holding two shot glasses. One shot glass is filled with Dewar’s...the other is filled with Metamucil. He has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth...but I don’t know if he’s a “smoker” yet.

If it officially comes back as cancer...I’ll let you know. If it doesn’t...I’ll let you know that, too.

I’m not writing this for pity or attention...on the contrary. It’s all a lot for me to take in...and I’m just not sure how to process it all. Writing it out sort of helps.

In the middle of all of this over the past week...Tom Starr passed away. He was such a sweet man. There’s a picture that he took of us at CRS...it’s me...Tom...Lisa McKay and Heather Davis. I think Heather wrote a caption that said something like “it’s so hard to believe half of the people in this picture are gone”.

That was pretty heavy.

I’m still trying to process that actually. I thought the world of Tom, loved Lisa McKay (she got me when so many others didn’t)...and just to the left...there I was. I felt like a jerk for even taking a moment to feel bad for myself. There are so many other people who have it so much worse than I do. And what if there’s nothing to this thing? What if it’s just some sort freak thing? There are so many people who’ve fought so hard and powered through so much and here I am...maybe worried for nothing...getting ready to have surgery...and it feels wrong to worry about myself. Whatever is done is done and I’ll fight whatever I need to fight. If it’s not cancer (oh God please let them all be wrong) then I have a lot of things that I need to do...and other people’s opinions and judgment that don’t have any place in my head or the right to exist in my life’s body of work or otherwise. I’ll just keep praying for them.

I keep telling myself those doctors could be wrong. Until I see a pathology report...this isn’t real.

While I appreciate and am thankful for any prayers you can send up on my behalf...please don’t feel obliged to write anything on this post. Seriously. I just needed to get this all out and behind me.

I HATE “bleeding on the internet”. It’s a serious pet peeve. Not everyone is worthy of knowing everything that’s going on...nor should they be expected to care...but I realize sometimes people need reinforcement and support. I still don’t like sharing MY business on here. It feels weird. I’ll talk about things on the air...that I don’t care to regurgitate on Facebook.

I’ll talk about award shows, TV, things that are funny...pictures...but it’s not my business who you vote for or what you believe in. I’m just glad that you DO. Better to have convictions and purpose than be apathetic. Over the years...it’s been amazing to see how a simple picture I’ve posted or link (without even commenting on it...just a pic or simple URL) how it can make people lose their minds.

You will never solve life’s problems on Facebook or any other social media platform. It controls you. You/we are merely the peanut gallery from which billions of dollars are “mined” every single minute we’re on here.

The smartest thing I ever had laid on me about social media was from an interview with a Silicon Valley person that said “If you’re not creating the product...you ARE the product. Think about that.

Our world is so messed up right now. And no matter what party you’re affiliated with...it just seems very wrong to lump everyone together and vilify them all. Not everyone is evil. Not everyone is right or wrong. Writing people off is so inhumane. You really can disagree with someone and not hate them.

I remember being at a concert in a few years ago and had just learned some pretty tough stuff that was impacting a competitor, and shared that with one of the leaders that I worked with. They’d taken a huge blow...which was awesome strategically...but it happened at the same time the competitors PD had lost his mother. I remember expressing that I felt bad for the guy (specifically about losing his mother)...and without batting an eye...the guy I worked with said he didn’t feel sorry for him at all. “That’s just too bad!” He said other things but I won’t go there because that would reveal who that person is...and the person for whom he was speaking about that day. Now...in my heart I hoped that guy who up until then I’d had so much respect for...did NOT know what happened to this guys mom. It just felt gross talking to him. I never looked at him the same way again. It was all about depth. There was nothing there. Very disappointing. I once cared what this guy thought about me...but that was done. And living through this now underscores that feeling and reminds me on a personal level what really is important. That’s a lot for a workaholic like me to process.

I’m signing off now. It got sort of “ramblesque” there at the end. Sorry about that. As for all the other stuff...I’ll let you know how it all turns out.