#hurt to comfort

[emmyrosee]

you asked for angst and I hate angst but imma give you some bc I love you.

It is widely accepted that the Miya twins dad is not in the picture. Mama Miya is a single mom and is worshipped by her twin boys. They always prioritize taking care of her bc "she's got no one else but us". Which is great, its one of the reason why you feel in love with your man. But it becomes a hindrance when he starts missing out on things important to you. Esp when their mom didn't even need them there at that moment.

Could work for either Osamu or Atsumu.

I hate my brain.

LIT RALLY HAD A PIECE SIMILAR TO THIS IN THE WORKS BUT I GOT TOO SCARED TO POST IT ABDBEJSBEEI SO THIS IS NOW MY OUTLET 😯🫶🏻

—-

The moon is high in the sky when Osamu finally comes home, your hands buried in the sink as you wash dishes that have been sitting there far too long.

You’d asked osamu to do it, but he hasn’t even been home to look at them. A phone call from his mother took him straight from work to her house almost two hours away, leaving you to your own thoughts and feelings.

You adored Ms. Miya. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was your feeling of neglect brewing in your chest, with each time he leaves you with no regard for your needs.

“Hey Angel,” he hums as he finally crosses over the threshold, toeing off his shoes and tossing his keys on the hook. He says nothing when you merely grunt back, but he does make his way over for a kiss.

You return his kiss, despite your own desires to not, you just wanted to be close to him again, feel his hands cradling your body and relight the love in your soul.

“How was your night?”

“Quiet,” you sigh. “Just… cleaning up from dinner.”

“Shit, you made dinner?” At that moment, his stomach growls, “I was so busy at Ma’s I didn’t get the chance to eat. Do we have leftovers?”

You nod sadly, “yeah. Help yourself.”

“…everything okay?”

“Peachy.”

He clears his throat and picks up a plate from the strainer, “are you sure…? these used to have a design on them.”

You scrub harder.

“Talk to me, baby. I don’t like us keeping secrets from each other.”

“We don’t have secrets. If you can’t use your cognitive thinking skills as to why the person you’re going to marry is mad at you, that’s not my problem.”

“Is this about today?” He asks, voice dropping in defeat.

“Usually is.”

“Baby, you know I-“

The plate snaps under the force of your scrubbing, but you don’t focus on that, though osamu’s brows shoot up.

“Your mother needs you, your mother comes first, your mother asked you, your mother this, your mother that, I KNOW, OSAMU!” You bark, wet fists balled angrily and teeth gritted sharply. “I know the damn drill!”

He takes a step back and raises his hands in surrender, but his brows are furrowed in worry, “hey… it’s okay-“

“It’s not okay!” You yell. Your hands come up to grip your chest, “what about when I need you? Hmm? Where’s my turn to be selfish and need you-“

“My mother is not selfish,” he growls. His brows furrow, “you damn know that.”

You roll your eyes, “no, she’s not. But I want to be. I want to be the big important thing in your life for once, I want to be the thing you run to; I want to be the one you drop everything for.”

“You are, but she needed me today, atsumu couldn’t make it-“

“Yeah, what was the big emergency today, huh? Problem with the internet? Phone bill? Fridge cleaning?”

He doesn’t say anything; merely scratches the back of his head, looking at you with tired eyes as if you’d done this dance far too many times. Which you had- but that’s not your fault.

“Tell you what,” you begin, using your wet hand to grab the engagement ring from the edge of the sink and grab his hand to put it in, “when you can give me more than 4 hours out of the day, you can propose to me again.”

He grips your hand sharply, and for a moment it snaps you back to reality for what you were saying, how venomous and toxic your words were, and your jaw slacks softly, “I… didn’t mean that-“

“We are not going to be this couple,” he snarls. “We are not going to weaponize our engagement when we get into fights. Understand?”

“It just came out-“

“Then keep it in. Do not question my love for you in such a meaningless fight. Do not give me the ring that I decided to give you back, sheerly because you’re mad at me. We’re not going to be a couple that threatens our love from each other. You know better than that.”

The room is silent, the only noise coming from the creaks of the house and osamu doesn’t let go of your hand. His eyes are firm but they shine with betrayal, and his Adams Apple bobs as he swallows thickly.

You sniffle under his intense gaze, “all I wanted was for you to come home,” you whimper. “I got a promotion at work. I cooked dinner, I bought a cake, I-I-I just wanted you to show up.” Your bottom lip wobbles as he simply nods at your words, encouraging you to speak up more if you need to. “I hate sharing you all the time. I want to be selfish and have you come home to me, and not have to wonder about when or if you’re going to come home because of how far away she lives.” He lets go of your hand to wipe a stream of tears that dribble from your eye.

“I just miss you, ‘samu…”

He takes a deep inhale in before pulling you in for a hug, cradling you close and letting you cry in his chest. “Thank you, for being honest,” he says softly, kissing your head. “It must be frustrating to have to share my attention, especially when you have something important to tell me.” He lets you cry it out for a few minutes, before squeezing you closer, “but you have to communicate with me. You have to tell me if you’re feeling neglected. I can’t be here if I don’t know, baby.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “I’m sure you wanted to surprise me today, and I’m sorry that fell through.”

You nod in his chest, relishing in the smell of rice and cologne, mewling and squeezing him tighter.

“How about we take tomorrow off?” He hums, pulling back to cradle your cheek in his big hand. “We can celebrate your promotion, and be together, yeah?”

“W-What about the shop?” You whimper. “That’s more important-“

“No.” He pulls back and looks down firmly. “Don’t finish that sentence. The shop will be plenty fine for one day.” He smiles softly, “after all. Need to celebrate my baby’s big break.”

You give him a watery laugh before inching to be closer to him again, more than anything just glad to be in his vicinity after so long.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” you whispered.

“Hmm… what was that?” He asks, cheekily.

Brat.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” you repeat, this time with some giggles.

“One more time?”

“Osamu!”

He snickers and places a kiss on top of your head, “I’m so sorry I was busy with Ma all day. I didn’t think it would take that long.”

“What did she need?”

“Eh, she needed her oil changed and god knows atsumu’s not going to do that.”

You laugh against his chest and nod, “he’d never risk messing up his hair like that.”

“Never.”

[annabelinlove]

No Games (pt.2)

Pairing: Wolfstar x reader (Sirius Black x Remus Lupin x Reader)

Summary: The aftermath of the attack

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: angst, past description on violence, non sexual nudity, language, English isn’t my first language, no use of Y/n, Peter doesn’t exist

Readers note: You wanted part 2, so here it is! I’m sorry for the rushed ending but i have another thing planned and i really wanted to post this on. Lmk if you like it. Read part 1, if you haven’t already and checkout my masterlist. Every kind word is appreciated. Enjoy!

Pt. 1

Masterlist

You’ve spent the whole week at the infirmary and not even for a second were you alone. You had no idea how they did it, but your friends and boyfriends kept your company even thought you were sure they had classes they ought to attend. Whenever you tried to bring it up, they just shushed you and told you it was dealt with. You didn’t know what that was supposed to mean and weren’t even sure if it really was dealt with, but you were glad for the company so you decided to let it go. Regulus himself sent you a card telling you he hoped you’ll recover soon but you were yet to talk to him. You brought it up carefully when you were alone with Sirius, you knew his family was a sensitive topic for him.

“Have you talked to Regulus?” You asked, looking at your beautiful boyfriend who was working on his Herbology essay, his legs on your bed. He looked up from his work and smiled gently.

“Yeah, we met yesterday at the Tower, talked the whole night. That reminds me, he wishes you the best but said he’ll talk to you when you’re out of here, if you’re still up for it.”

He didn’t tell you the details of their conversation, but the small smile present on fis handsome face told you everything you needed to know, so you didn’t bring it up again. You’ve received many get well soon cards, some of them from students you didn’t even know at it warmed your heart. Even Marlene and Mary came to visit you. The whole day you spent with your friends and Madam Pomfrey and at the night, you always shared the bed with your boyfriends, who left in the morning to go to classes but still came back after few hours and this cycle repeated itself for the whole time you were in the hospital wing. It made you forget about the main reason you were even here and considering all odds, you were quite happy in your bubble. When Sunday came, Poppy told you that you were free to go but take it easy, which meant no quidditch and pranks, and to come back Monday evening for her to check you up again. Most of your wounds were healed and the bruises were barely visible, but still, some of them took longer to heal. One wound in particular, the one on your side, was pretty nasty and sometimes still bled a bit. It was sure to say you were glad to finally leave the infirmary.

“You’re ready, pet?” Asked Sirius as he took your bad, with all the cards and sweets that people sent you in his hands, and watched Remus, who was tying up your shoes. You told him you were perfectly fine to do it yourself, but he just waved his hand and kneeled in front of you. Why would you when I can? was his only response.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” You smiled at him and hopped off the bed, taking Remus’s hand as all three of you left the hospital wing. But as soon as you walked down the corridor to your common room, the reality hit you and you stopped to take a deep breath. What if it happens again? What if they pick on someone else? What would happen if Regulus hadn’t come? I’d probably die. The boys must have noticed your sudden panic and stopped as well. Siris stood in front of you and put his hands on your cheeks to make you look up at him. His gaze was soft and full of love.

“I know it’s scary right now, but nothing like that is ever gonna happen again, do you trust me? Do you trust us to protect you?” He asked softly, not breaking eye contact so you knew he was serious. Remus squeezed your hand, to reassure you in your own way. Your timid nod didn’t seem to please them.

“Words, angel. Do you trust us to protect you?” Remus prodded and your eyes shifted to his honey ones.

“I do, with my life.” You responded verbally now, which seemed to please them, as you all continued walking to the portrait, one boy at either of your side. Once in the common room, all of your friends were already there a big barel welcome back hung from the chandelier and you genuinely smiled as they all gave you a big and long hug.

“Now, now, don’t smother our girl.” Remus protectively pulled you to sit on his lap as he sat on the couch and buried his face into your neck, inhaling your scent. “She must be used to it, dating the two of you.” James stuck his tongue out at him playfully and they started to bicker. You felt like you were finally home. With your friends all around you, in the middle of the loves of your life, both of them touching you at all times, you were happy. This is where I belong, you thought. The rest of the day was spent talking, laughing and playing wizarding chess or exploding snap.

“Alright, its time for dinner kids, lets go.” Lily decided, standing up and ordering everybody around like the mum of the group. Your whole body seemed to freeze at that. The thought of leaving you little bubble of happiness to go to the Great Hall was more then unsettling for you.

“Go without us, we’ll just hang in here. Would you mind bringing us something?” Remus spoke up, obviously noticing your sudden anxious state. You both loved and hated how they could read you and knew you like the back of their hands. Nothing would get past them. James nodded before running after Marlene, probably to discuss the upcoming quidditch match. Lily sent you an understanding smile before waving at you and leaving the common room.

“Thanks, I’m just not ready to face them, yet.” You uttered, feeling embarrassed.

“Hey, you don’t have to explain yourself to us. Anything to make you feel the most comfortable, always.” Sirius was quick to argue and attacked your face with small, wet kisses. You laughed as you tried to get away from him. However, during your wiggling around, you accidentally pushed on your sore side and a sharp pain ran through your body. You let out a groan and the boy stopped quickly and distanced himself from you.

“Hey, are you okay? I’m so sorry if I hurt you, darling.” He was quick to speak, looking you up and down to spot any wound reopening and bleeding. You placed your hand on his cheek and smiled.

“It’s okay, just my stupid side. You didn’t do anything, I must have moved wrong or something. It’s fine.” You tried to assure him, but he still looked worried. Remus decided to step in and stood up, holding his hand out for you to take.

“Why don’t we go back to our dorm, hm? You could take a warm bath and relax as we wait for James to bring us something to eat. Then we can cuddle, how does that sound, my loves?” The idea of hot bath has already calmed you and you were quick to take his hand and get up. “Sounds like heaven.” You gave him a kiss and you all went to your dorm.

Well, it was their dorm, but you spent all of your time there anyway. You had your things there and to be honest, you couldn’t remember the last time you slept with the girls in your own dorm. James didn’t mind and claimed he was happy to have someone who’d help him deal with the two idiots. Once inside, Remus drew you a warm bath and even added some bubbles for you. It was nothing like the prefect bathroom, where you sometimes sneaked in with you boyfriends, but at that moment, it was perfect. You slowly undressed, with Sirius helping you, and softly kissing every new scar and unhealed bruise. You daren’t look into the mirror, terrified what you’d see, but right then and there, you felt loved, bare in front of your boys who stared at you with nothing but love in their eyes. Sirius helped you into the bathtub and you let out a content sigh when you sank into the hot water. Remus kissed your forehead and took Sirius’s hand, as they went to leave you alone.

“Stay.” You whispered, giving them your best puppy eyes, that Sirius taught you. Without another word, they both sat next to your bathtub, and you were finally able to relax, feeling every single muscle loosening after what felt like ages. You were all silent as Remus laid his hands on the edge of the tub and rested his hands on top of them, Sirius resting his head on his shoulder. You had no idea how much time has passed, all of you just enjoying the quiet time together, but it was interrupted by James, who poked his head inside the bathroom.

“Y’all good?” At the disturbance, Sirius quickly threw a bottle of shampoo on his head.

“Oi! Get out and stop ogling my naked girlfriend!” He shouted at his friend who put up his hands in surrender. James couldn’t have seen anything, as you were covered in bubbles but your boyfriend’s protectiveness mage you laugh a little.

“It ain’t nothing I haven’t seen before.” He joked before quickly shutting the door as Sirius got up with the intention to punch him. You laughed at that, remembering the few times when you walked out of the bathroom naked, thinking you were alone in the dorm, with James sitting on his bed or him walking into the bathroom when you were showering. Not to mention that all of your friends went skinny dipping into the Black Lake.

“I’m kidding, sorry! Just wanted to know if you’re okay since you’ve been silent for the whole 20 minutes I’ve been here.” He said behind the closed door. At that, Remus put his hand into the bath which has gotten cold already. “Alright, let’s get you out, the water is freezing and you need to eat something.”

Sirius washed your hair as Remus went to get some clothes for you as well as a new bandage and some ointment. After drying you up, he carefully rubbed in on the wounds and bruises as well as some pink scars. You mustered up the courage to look at yourself in the mirror and sucked in a breath. You looked much worse than you thought. Even after almost a full week of being at the infirmary, unhealed scratches could be seen all over your body, numerous of bruises and scars, some bigger then other, keeping them company. Your cheeks were hollowed, and you had dark circles under your eyes. You also looked thinner. Sirius quickly stepped in front of you when he saw the disgusted look you gave yourself in the mirror.

“Hey,” he said as he put some hair behind your ear, “you’re beautiful.”

The smile you gave him was genuine and you stopped thinking about it as he kissed you passionately. They dressed you in some sweatpants and shirt, none of which were yours. When you emerged from the bathroom, you realized that James has already prepared the food on Sirius’s bed, which was the biggest of them all, thanks to a single spell, since the three of you slept on it every single night. You settled comfortably on the bed, under the covers with the boys around you and contently started eating.

“Thank you, Jamie.” You thanked him with a mouth full of mashed potatoes. You didn’t even realize how hungry you were, but it was really no surprise since Poppy fed you mostly soups from various of herbs to help you heal.

“Anytime, sunshine.” He winked at you and started a calm conversation. Mostly between the boys, since you were too busy eating. After dinner, Sirius sat behind you and without a word started to braid your still wet hair. It was your routine, doing each others hair, sometimes Remus’ as well, if he had them long enough. When he was done, you all bid good night to James and laid on the bed.

“Would you read to us Moony?” Sirius asked sweetly, pulling you closer, careful not to hurt you in any way. Remus pulled out his book, The Lord of the Rings, and his calm voice filled the silence. You nuzzled yourself closer to him and quickly fell asleep, his voice fading away in the background.

You were running away from someone, you didn’t know who, but knew they were dangerous. You were in some dark place, when someone pushed you to the ground.

“This is what you fucking deserve, filthy bitch!” The unknown person spat at you as he hit you, pain erupting immediately all over your face. You were suddenly on the floor and someone was kicking you over and over again. Your hands tied so you wouldn’t be able to protect yourself. You screamed for help but an evil laugh was the only thing heard. “Shh, we’re just playing.” And another blow, now into your head. You felt like you were under water and running out of air, not being able to breathe.

“Hey, hey, wake up. It’s okay.”

Unknown hands shook you, but you saw only silhouettes, and green flashes of lights. Suddenly, you had a wand at your neck. You tried to pull away, but couldn’t. The wand suddenly slashed your throat.

“C’mon, wake up darling.”

You sat up quickly in your bed, gasping for breath as your hands flew to your throat. You’re safe, your in your dorm with your boys. It was only a dream. You were shaking like a leaf, only now just realizing that someone was talking to you.

“Breath for me, angel. It’s okay, we’re here. You’re here, you’re in our dorm, with me and Moony, you’re safe. Just keep on breathing for me, please.” You concentrated on Sirius’ words, slowly calming your breath.

“I’m gonna touch you, is that okay, my darling?” Remus said in his soft tone, you weren’t able to speak so you tried to nod, but it wasn’t enough for the boys.

“Please, use your words. I know it’s hard, but try, pet.” You croaked a yes, which seemed to satisfy him and he gently wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a gentle, yet firm embrace. Sirius handed you a glass of water you didn’t even see him get it. You gulped the water like your life depended on it.

“It was just a bad dream, my love. You’re okay.” You were able to calm down, but was still shaking lightly in Remus’ arms.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He whispered as he kept on rubbing small circles on your back. You took a deep breath, trying to remember the dream but it was all hazy.

“I-I was in some dark room or something and someone kept on hurting me. And then-then..” you were interrupted by your own sobs but tried to pull it together to finish “then a wand slashed my throat and I couldn’t breathe.” You cried into his shoulder. Sirius took your hand in is and placed it where your heart is.

“Do you feel that?” He patiently waited for you to nod before continuing, “that’s your heart and it’s beating. It means you’re alive and breathing, my love. It was just a nightmare. Take a deep breath, because you can, baby. It’s okay.”

You felt your heartbeat and started to slow down your breathing, the shaking stopped as did the tears. You pulled out of Remus’ hug and looked at them sheepishly.

“I’m sorry for waking you up.” You just now noticed the darkness of the room and heard James’ loud snores. You swore he would sleep through an earthquake.

“You have nothing to apologize for, angel. We knew the nightmares would come sooner or later.” Remus soothed your worry but his words confused you and you looked at him with furrowed brows.

“Well, at the infirmary, Poppy gave you a sleeping draught every night so you could sleep peacefully, but you didn’t take any tonight. I was just kinda counting on it. It makes sense after what happened.” You froze at his words, you didn’t even think about that.

“Oh, I’ll go and get it tomorrow then.” You sighed, fatigued overtaking of your body.

“No, pet. I know its hard and the nightmares are terrible. Trust me, I know, but you can’t take it for such a long time, it could really mess you up.” Sirius looked at you apologetic, feeling bad for crushing your vision for peaceful sleep.

Your whole face fell down and you looked close to tears again. “But I don’t wanna have a nightmare every night.” You uttered, looking at your hands, picking at your nails.

“And you won’t! Me and Pads will do everything in our power to help you with them, just not through medications, okay?” Remus was quick to reassure you, taking your hand in his so you would stop picking at your nails before they started to bleed. You were too tired to fight with them, so you sighed a small yes and let them lay you on the bed again, squeezed in between them.

“Moony’s gonna read to us again, until you fall asleep, okay?” Sirius said and kissed your nose, but you were quick to protest. “No, I don’t want to keep you up for no reason, you shouldn’t stay away just because I can’t sleep.”

Remus gave you almost a bored look but still looked at you lovingly. “Hey, none of that, darling. Anything to help you. Plus, I ended at quite an interesting chapter, so I’m curious what’s gonna happen next.” And with that, he picked up the book and started to read, just like few hours ago. And just like few hours ago, you feel asleep.

The next time you woke up, it was by Sirius who was leaving wet kisses all over your face. “Wakey, wakey. We need to get ready for classes.” He whispered but still continued to kiss your face. It was Remus, who ushered both of you to the bathroom to clean up (and redress your wounds, of course) and soon enough, you were on your way to the Great Hall for breakfast with your friends.

Everybody was chatting with you the whole time, to help you ease your nervousness, and you were immensely grateful for them all. You stopped in front of the huge door to the Hall, but before you could start to think too much about things, Remus took your hand and Sirius screamed your name to gain your attention.

“Look, look! This is how to make someone your peasant.” And before you, or anyone really, processed his words, he jumped on James’ back, held tight with one hand, the other high in the air as he started screaming loudly. “Go, my slave. Take me to my fine breakfast and DO NOT DROP ME!”

James wasn’t even complaining, pretty used to his theatrics and he ran straight to their places, making a huge scene with Sirius. All of them laughed at their silliness and before you knew it, you were sat at the table, with your back to the Slytherins, and started to eat. All of your friends were distracting you with jokes and you were smiling the whole time. Sirius was still ordering James around and he did everything the long haired boy asked.

“Pass me the juice.”

“Of course, my lord. Is there anything else I could aide you with? Your wish is my command.”

After breakfast, Remus took your backpack and you walked hand in hand to your class. Sirius was, of course, riding on James’ back to the class.You were thankful that you shared Charms, your first class, with your boyfriends, as well as Lily. The worst part was, that the Slytherins were taking Charms as well. Sirius got off James’ back before the classroom and looked you deep in the eyes.

“Listen, and listen to me closely, pet. Me and Remmy are gonna be with you the whole time. There’s not gonna be a second when one of us isn’t close to you, okay? It’s gonna be okay, you’ll be fine and we’ll be always by your side.” He reassured you and you smiled at his thoughtfulness to calm you down. You took a deep breath and Remus squeezed your hand in support. You nodded that you were ready and you entered the classroom. You didn’t look around, your gaze set on your desk. Sirius and Remus were on both your sides, squashing you in between them.

Remus still hasn’t let go of your hand as you squeezed it tightly when you felt the hairs on your neck rising. Snape and Mulicber were here. You didn’t dare to move a muscle, your body in a trance, too scared to even breathe. Both of your boys noticed and they tried to talk to you and joked around to make you smile, but you weren’t able to concentrate on them. You didn’t even notice when the class started, nor did you registered that it has finished. You could feel their eyes on you, the whole time. You knew that Snape was staring at the back of your head, his eyes sending daggers your way, but you were too afraid to look back. To look at him, them.

Sirius had to nudge you that the class was over and you had to go to the other one. You felt like you were sleepwalking as they took your things and led you out of the classroom. But you froze in your tracks as you heard the cold laugh behind you. You knew it was Mulciber.

“Well, well, well. Surprised to see you at school and not the graveyard.” He snickered but before you could do as much as blink, you heard a loud bang from behind you. You turned ground quickly, waiting for some king of danger coming your way, but were met with Sirius pinning him to the wall, his wand at his neck and hand holding his chest so he couldn’t move.

You saw as Snape took out his wand, but Remus casted a quick Expelliarmus and his wand flew out of his hand and his reach. He was stood protectively in front of you, his wand aimed at Snape as Sirius hold Mulciber. You didn’t even know how any of that happened, if was all too quick.

“Say another word to her, I dare you. Let’s see who will be buried six feet under.” Sirius seethed, his voice low and dangerous. You’ve never heard him use this tone.

“You’ve got bodyguards now, heh?” Snivellus snickered at you but not moving an inch. Before any of you could say or do anything, Lily appeared out of thin air and hit him square in the face. Snape fell to the ground, holding his bleeding nose and looking up at her in surprise.

“If you ever come close to her, I will hurt you. And I fucking mean it, Severus. I don’t know what happened to you but it gives you no right to act like an asshole. You are nothing but a fucking scam and dirt. Don’t come close to her or any of us, never again.” She told him, her voice cold and face blank of any emotions. You have never heard Lily use so many swear words in your life, let alone in one sentence.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Mulciber trying to get out of Sirius’ gasp and Remus was ready to send some hex his way, but you stopped him as you laid your slightly shaking hand on his shoulder.

“Wait.” You said quietly but strongly. He stopped and looked at you, his wand still aiming at his enemy.

“Don’t be like them. Let them go, karma will get them soon and better then us.” I said loudly, for all of them to hear me. Remus’ gaze softened but his wand still raised high.

You could hear Sirius growl, not moving an inch, so you walked up to him and took his hand with his wand an out it down. He looked unsure, but wasn’t fighting your touch. You looked deep inside Mulciber’s eyes and when he open his mouth to say something, you spat at him. You could hear Lily gasp, but you didn’t care as you turned around and walked away with your head held high.Remus, Lily and Sirius quickly caught up with you, your raven boyfriends taking your waist and spinning you in the air.

“That’s my fucking girl! You shoved them who has the power!” He hollered, and you laughed. When he set you down, both he and Remus hugged you tightly and you felt the weight lifting off your shoulders.

“That was brilliant, my sweet girl. I’m so so proud of you.” Remus beamed with pride, kissing the top of your head. “I could never do it without you. Thank you, for everything.” You squeezed their arms and quickly went to hug Lily as well.

“That must have been hard for you, I know you two used to be close.” You whispered into her ears. She sighed and let you go, looking into your eyes.

“Yeah, used to. Before he turned out to be such a prick. But I won’t hesitate to protect you from him, or anyone else, no matter what.” She gave you a kind and sincere smile and you knew she meant it.

As you walked down the corridor, with Sirius and Remus nonstop praising you, you felt lighter. You knew it wasn’t the end. The wounds were yet to be healed, the physical ones as well as emotional ones, and the war was far from the end, but you knew you could do it.

With your boyfriends and friends by your side, you were unstoppable.

——————-

Tag list: @quackitysdrugdealer @ill-be-okay-soon-enough @oweninadaydream @noodlesareokah @wings-of-tranquility @oweninadaydream @leafpagesingfan

[ameliora-j]

i’m a slut for mean! cold! heartbroken! aaron hotchner.

content: mean!aaron, like literally just an asshole, insults to intelligence

WAIT WAIT WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN BEFORE U SCROLL!!!!!

𐐪𐑂 aaron hotchner who just lost the love of his life and high school sweetheart

𐐪𐑂 aaron hotchner who was already stoic and standoffish but just became downright mean after foyett

𐐪𐑂 aaron hotchner that has a permanent scowl on his face in an attempt to mask his hurt

𐐪𐑂 aaron hotchner who immediately rolls his eyes when he sees a 20 something year old dressed head to toe in what was clearly daddy’s money walk into his office

𐐪𐑂 to clarify — it’s not the daddy’s money that bothers him

𐐪𐑂 it’s that awful. stupid. damned. fucking. smile that seems permanently painted on her face

𐐪𐑂 that bubbly personality and preppy voice that wouldn’t be ceased even by the meanest of his comments

𐐪𐑂 and it’s not that he doesn’t know he’s an asshole — he’s well aware

𐐪𐑂 even acts like one on purpose sometimes so that she’d just leave him the hell alone

𐐪𐑂 but GOD

𐐪𐑂 could she take a fucking hint????

𐐪𐑂 no matter what he says, what he does—you’re always practically skipping right back up to him the next time you need something

𐐪𐑂 “hey aaron?”

𐐪𐑂 “it’s agent hotchner to you” — even tho everyone else on the team calls him ‘aaron’ or ‘hotch’

𐐪𐑂 that’s only met with a nose scrunch and a bit of a frown before that stupid fucking smile is back

𐐪𐑂 and aaron can’t help but roll his eyes

𐐪𐑂 what. THE FUCK. was there to be so happy about?

𐐪𐑂 when i say even his meanest of phrases don’t wipe that smile off her face i mean it

𐐪𐑂 “agent hotchner, can you help me with x”

𐐪𐑂 it’s met with a gruff “i’m busy right now”

𐐪𐑂 though all he was doing was having a glass of whiskey with rossi in his office

𐐪𐑂 that stupidly cute fucking nose scrunch and frown appears on her face before she’s smiling again

𐐪𐑂 “well yes sure, i’m sure you are but this is urgent”

𐐪𐑂 “jesus fucking christ (lastname) how incompetent can you be?!”

𐐪𐑂 and even that doesn’t get her smile to falter

𐐪𐑂 it’s like her happiness is suffocating him

𐐪𐑂 not that he was wishing she’d be unhappy or anything but FUCK could she have at least ONE bad day????

𐐪𐑂 nothing that he says affects her

𐐪𐑂 until that one fateful day when she asks him which case he thinks is more pertinent to take

𐐪𐑂 it was a tough decision, really

𐐪𐑂 both unsubs taking low risk victims and escalating tapidly

𐐪𐑂 both unsubs absolutely sick and perverted in their violent torture methods

𐐪𐑂 and both unsubs rapidly escalating at nearly the same rate

𐐪𐑂 almost as if they were working together on opposite sides of the country

𐐪𐑂 “agent hotchner, whenever you have a chance could you look over these files please? i can’t choose which city needs us most”

𐐪𐑂 he lets out a deep sigh, followed by a loud froan

𐐪𐑂 “fucking christ!” he yells, his hand hitting the desk

𐐪𐑂 she flinches at his bang, biting your lip nervously

𐐪𐑂 “honestly i don’t even know why i hired you. you clearly can’t do your fucking job right”

𐐪𐑂 his words are causing tears to fill her eyes, a lump welling in her throat

𐐪𐑂 furthermore it feels never ending, every single word like a stab in the chest

𐐪𐑂 “i go out on a limb and hire a younger person and all you do every single day is remind me why i never should have given you a chance”

𐐪𐑂 she doesn’t dare to try to speak, and aaron is becoming angrier as he still sees the smile on her face

𐐪𐑂 “how fucking stupid are you? if you can’t decide on a case maybe you just aren’t cut out for the bau”

𐐪𐑂 before he walks away, shouldering his way past her to lock himself in his office

𐐪𐑂 she doesn’t miss the “i wish i never fucking hired you”

𐐪𐑂 that’s what gets her

𐐪𐑂 she could take the hits to her intelligence and her character

𐐪𐑂 but just something about her ability to do her job being questioned twisted her stomach in knots

𐐪𐑂 to the point where if began to feel like someone was taking a knife and twisting it in circles inside of her chest

𐐪𐑂 she swallows thickly, forcing her tears back as she makes a silent trip to her office

𐐪𐑂 for the next three days aaron doesn’t see her

𐐪𐑂 and for some reason he feels… empty?

𐐪𐑂 maybe not empty… he doesn’t know what he feels, but it’s not a good feeling

𐐪𐑂 she’s been sliding files underneath the crack in his door and sending messages through other agents when she needed it

𐐪𐑂 friday morning he walks into her office

𐐪𐑂 she’s sitting behind your desk combing through more case files when there’s a soft knock before the door opens

𐐪𐑂 “hey uh… (lastname)…”

𐐪𐑂 she doesn’t give him a chance to say more as she looks up at him

𐐪𐑂 one simple question leaves her lips

𐐪𐑂 one simple question that shatters aaron’s world

𐐪𐑂 it’s soft… broken—her voice cracking with practically every word she says.

𐐪𐑂 “why do you hate me so much?”

𐐪𐑂 “(lastname…)”

𐐪𐑂 “no, aaron! WHY?!” she yells

𐐪𐑂 “WHY?! what did i ever do to you for you to hate me so much?! you never even gave me a chance!”

𐐪𐑂 “BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU”

𐐪𐑂 the air is silent after his outburst

𐐪𐑂 it seems like all the air is stuck in your throat, no words forming as she stares at him

𐐪𐑂 aaron lets out a breath

𐐪𐑂 “i’m in love with you. and the last time i was in love with somebody it didn’t end well…”

𐐪𐑂 “so you were an asshole?”

𐐪𐑂 “i thought i was protecting you… from me”

𐐪𐑂 “i… i work too much and i’m a hard ass and i don’t let people in i… i’m hard to love. and i thought by being a dick to you i could get over you or… or make you go away but”

𐐪𐑂 “god you just kept coming back with that stupid fucking smile that lit up the entire floor and it just pissed me off because i wanted to be the reason for that”

𐐪𐑂 “and… i guess i didn’t realize that i was just hurting you worse by not being honest… and for that i’m very sorry”

𐐪𐑂 “i’m sure you are extremely hard to love” it’s a whisper

𐐪𐑂 “but if you give me a chance then i’d love to try…”

[phantombstone]

ANNOYING? | DOTTORE X READER

(Webttore version)

You've always felt insecure about talking too much and being annoying to others. He noticed.

Genre: Hurt to comfort.

TW: Dottore's real name (a nickname you gave him).

WC: 829.

This story is part of the insecurities serie - check the linked post and if you're interested consider submitting a request :)

Hope you like it :3

He's been looking at you for a while now.

His eyebrow was raised and his foot was tapping slowly on the ground, ticking time like a clock.

He was being exceptionally loud just to see your reaction, but you were still ignoring him. He did nothing wrong, he was sure of that. You didn't show signs of being mad at him, either. But you did one thing that caught his attention: completely switching your mood in a matter of seconds. He just didn't understand... why. You were chatting with him and your eyes were smiling, shining even, but after less than a minute you turned serious and shut your mouth.

"Are you cold?", he tried after a while. You only shook your head in response. No words.

He sighed and stopped his foot, shifting his body weight slightly on the left and slightly forward to get closer to you. His face was now resting on his gloved palm, elbow on the table bar in front of him, the same table that was separating the two of you.

You were at the Angel's Share, Mondstadt. And you were occupying one of the tables outside. It was late evening and the weather wasn't as warm and pleasant as it was at daytime. In fact, you were shivering.

"Are you sure? I can lend you my coat if you want".

"No". A monosyllab. "Thank you, though", you added as soon as you felt him piercing your skull with his gaze.

His mask was covering his face almost entirely, with the exception of his ruby eyes and a lateral part of the forehead.

He decided to take it off and put it aside. You loved his facial features, you said that many times before. You would have looked, no?

You didn't.

You kept looking at the sheet laying in front of you - a rather boring mission report to update and fill that had to be send back to the Fatui headquarters. Your eyes only flicked to the side to give the lonely black and white mask a quick glance, just to return back to your sheet before he could mutter a single word.

Then, his lips parted again and your name was called.

"Whose fault is it?".

This time you looked at him, eyes wider than normal, trying to cover your surprise with a fake layer of confusion.

"Your mood swifted in a second", he continued before you could throw him a question to deceive him. "I was wondering, what could've made you so sad all of a sudden?".

"I'm not sad".

His back was not pressed to the back of the chair he was sitting on, legs spread under the desk in his "that's bullshit" position.

Your gaze fell back on your sheet and this time he got up. He slowly walked the perimeter of the table and stopped right in front of you, kneeling down.

You couldn't look away, especially after his crimson eyes caught yours. He took your hands in his and placed a gentle kiss on them. They were cold, courtesy of the nocturnal temperature drop in the so-called City of Freedom.

You broke down after that.

"Do I talk too much?".

His eyes widened in surprise.

"Who told you?".

"It doesn't matter. Do I talk too much?". You were pleading, tears forming at the corners of your glossy eyes.

He straightened up and invited you to do the same, just to embrace you once you stood up. His arms were caging you, but it was sweet. You loved to be held by him.

"You don't talk too much. As your lover, I can say I don't hear your voice as much as I'd love to". He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and continued: "I don't know who said that to you, but I'll do my researches and they'll be facing consequences. No one dares to hurt you and your feelings".

You tried to tell him that he didn't have to go that far. It took you a while to convince him, but you managed to obtain his word about not killing or torturing the culprit. The only thing you could do now was pray for that grumpy and obnoxious Fatui agent's life, even though he hurt you pointing out your biggest insecurity.

"Am I annoying?".

"Darling, you're not. You are simply perfect. Flawless". He ran his thumb over your cheek. "I love you and this will never change. You're not annoying in the slightest - except when you're so proud of yourself that you refuse to say you're cold and don't accept my help", he said with his lips curved in a little smirk. He then took off his coat and put it on your shoulders, hood on your head just to tease you and lighten your mood.

You smiled, and he knew he won.

He placed another kiss on your forehead and this time it was you who hugged him.

"Thank you, Zan".

"Of course, darling".

[kitorin]

one more time.

contents. 6.031k words (gave up on proof reading i'm sorry-), second chance romance, hurt to comfort, author + psychologist reader, swearing, nsfw (not smut just mentions), getting drunk, one nightmare, abandonment issues, kaiser’s terrible with people, it takes a while for kaiser to appear

part two to this

a/n. i guess you could read this as a stand alone, but a lot of the details won't make as much sense (like they'd have a lot more relevance and meaning if you've read part 1). and you're being referred to by your first name by your nephew for the sake of keeping it gn

"y/n?"

Your nephew's question brings some of your attention towards him, with the rest focusing on the road. Rain droplets raced along the windows, and he must've gotten bored of guessing which one was the fastest. 

"Yeah? What's up?"

"When are you getting married?"

The innocent yet so significant question made you choke on your own spit. It was unexpected for a child to not gag at the idea of intimacy and love, let alone one questioning your marital status.

"Why are you asking something like that?" You carefully dodge the question, given that you have little to no experience with any sort of romance, the closest to love was an eternity ago. Despite graduating from college already, nothing about that had changed.

"Well." He begins explaining himself. "Mama and papa met each other in high school, they got married when they were younger than you." Unlike you, your sibling had a quite successful love life, already married and with a child. The fact that they were even high school sweethearts seemed to only accentuate your sorrowful envy.

"Your parents were lucky. Not everyone gets to meet the person they love forever in high school. Even if they do not everyone ends up marrying them." It was a difficult approach. You wanted him to fully understand the possible outcomes of love but didn't want him to avoid it entirely. "Love is dumb luck. Sadly, not everyone ends up loving someone who loves them back."

"Hmm." He sounds like he's deep in thought, which also surprised you given that he was still young and oblivious to these sorts of discussions. "Were you unlucky? Is that why you're not married?"

The query stung a bit. Not necessarily because it hurt to be reminded of him, but because it wasn't mere misfortune. It was ultimately up to him to act that way. 

"Hmm, I guess. Your father got all the luck I suppose." You chuckle, an attempt to conceal that your heart was begging for some sort of closure, even after all this time. 

"But that's not fair."

A sigh leaves your lips as you continue. "It isn't. But that's just life."

"What happened to them? Did they not like you?"

"They did at one point. I think. It was pretty obvious but after I liked them back, they became a bad person" It felt so weird. You've bottled up all the memories and emotions, sealing them away from the world, yet with this tiny child you've decided to open up. It's odd, but not uncomfortable.

"They're dumb." 

"You can't say that. It's not their fault for not liking me-"

"But you're amazing. You always spend time with me since Mama and Papa are too busy to. You bring back yummy snacks and tell the best stories. You even teach me so many new things. You're the best person ever." 

Although misery from the past had been reawakened and nurtured at the topic of the conversation, his kindness seemed to combat that, you can't help but grin.

"I'm glad you appreciate that."

"You deserve better!" 

That makes your breath hitch up, a weird, indescribable sensation accumulates in your chest, and for the first time in a while your eyes begin to prickle. 

You blink away the sensation. Three, simple words uttered by a literal child, yet it seems to affect you so much to the point you're moved to tears. 

Because no one ever told you that.

No accusations of you being delusional and crazy. No sort of discomfort inflicted through others attempting to make it public. 

It was what you've been waiting to hear for so long.

"Thanks bud. Keep this a secret from everyone else, yeah?" You come to a stop at a red light, turning towards him with a grateful smile.

He mimes zipping his lips. "Of course!"

"I know everyone's asking about me getting married, but it won't happen."

"Why?"

"Because." Because you feel undeserving of it. Because you're terrified of being abandoned like that again. Because you're simply just scared. "Because it just won't. I'd rather focus on making sure you and your parents are happy."

"Am I supposed to do that when I'm older?"

"Maybe not to my level. Make sure you treasure your family, but your lover too." Now that piece of advice makes you wonder what it'd be like if you got lucky.

"I don't want to get married even if I'm lucky. I want to be cool like you and take care of family too."

"Then do that. But don't close off your heart completely. Your dad didn’t think of love when he was a kid, look at him now. But it's completely okay if you don't love anyone." Obviously, you'd support him no matter what, but a part of you desperately wished that he'd be lucky enough to never experience what you did.

He nods but changes the topic. "What about you? You seemed happy when you talked about that person. A different kind of happy."

What was that supposed to mean?

"It's just nostalgia."

"That's a hard word. What does it mean?"

"You'll learn when you're older. Promise." And with that you dodge the topic of love, adjusting the conversation to one about the new Doraemon episode he watched the other day.

"Holy shit Ness look at how good they are at this."

"Fucking useless."

"Please help me with trig, I'm begging you. Really? Thank you so much."

"That's such a bitch move. Class average was so low, yet they're still scared of showing their high B. Fucking pussy."

"I love you."

Fuck. 

Another nightmare. It's only a mess of his words, both the good and the bad; followed by overwhelming dread and fear swallowing you. A wave of relentless cold engulfing you and drowning you in the depths of torment.

The dream leaves you drenched in sweat and panting. It doesn't fucking make sense. It's been years, you were only kids and now you're an adult. Yet it still leaves you so affected. You don't even clearly remember what he looked like. Only the cerulean orbs and the blonde wolf cut. 

Most people brush off any sort of heartbreak in high school as trivial and temporary, yet yours has clung onto your heart so persistently, that it still constantly haunts you. 

Nothing's working. Attempting to date others only accentuated your paranoia and abandonment issues. Trying to open up to trusted ones caused the words to get stuck in your throat, to the point it feels suffocating. You even wrote an entire book about it; sure, it was effective in expressing yourself and it was a huge hit and profitable, but something deep down still hurts. 

You keep trying and trying, heart craving for closure. But the only way you'd satisfy that miserable desire is through meeting him.

Only you know that so damn well.

Maybe that's why you keep fiercely trying. It's your own way of hopelessly trying to escape him.

But it's futile. It's so draining.

It doesn't matter though. It should stop soon. It's such a stupid thing to be sad over. You're successful, a now bestselling author known for your beauteous expression of love and hurt, while still working as a psychologist. You've achieved something majority of people couldn't do, and you're seeing the fruits of diligence and hard work. But it still hurts.

You do your best to shrug off this sense of dread, focusing on what's important. 

"Thank you for today!"

Your nephew wore his signature grin, one that was adorable and so full of joy. It was almost impossible to not smile back at him. 

With the commencement of school holiday, you decided to take him to a nearby soccer match, France vs Germany. You didn't know anything about soccer, but he loves the sport, constantly practicing and rambling about Julian Loki (a.k.a. his favourite player of all time) You got extremely lucky, if it weren't for Yoichi and his connections to the JFA you wouldn't've been able to surprise your nephew. Yoichi wasn't prepared to see you constantly thank him ("You're my closest friend, your nephew's a good kid too. Lemme coach him some day!"). He even managed to get you three VIP seats.

"Yocchan, how do I win more? I want to shoot the most goals in my team!"

You passively listen to Yoichi's advice for your nephew, as you can't understand or contribute to the conversation much. It's impressive how people play with this many people watching. The whole stadium was flooded with people, except for the VIP section but that was purely due to how expensive it was. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to France vs Germany!" The commentator booms, earning a cheer from everyone. You expected it to be loud, but not to the point you think your eardrums would burst. 

The event went on normally. Player names were read out, with an energetic screech from your nephew when it was Loki's turn. At this point in time, you were pretty laid back, given that you recognized no one.

"Aaaaand Germany's ace and forward, Michael Kaiser!"

You froze. 

Michael Kaiser, the Michael Kaiser from back then? 

Finally, you have a vivid image of what he looks like. His blonde hair was partially dyed blue, the pretty shade slowly fading out, and navy roses decorated his neck. Red eyeliner adorned his almost feline like eyes. He looks almost unrecognizable yet he's still the boy who had a crush on you. 

Suddenly, VIP seats weren't so tempting anymore. Suddenly, you want to drag yourself out of there and ask Yoichi to supervise your nephew.

But he still looks beautiful.

"I hate that bitch." Same Yoichi, same, you silently agree with him. "He's insufferable and a fucking prick."

"Language." Although you'd agree with him, it was a bit too early for your nephew to start speaking like Yoichi (though you wouldn’t mind him learning how to verbally defend himself from Yoichi).

It's only 90 minutes. There's over 20,000 people. Kaiser won't notice. Besides, high school was years ago. He's a professional player and seemingly a famous one, he would've met plenty of players and coaches, too many to even remember your existence.

You suck up your fear, the three of you cheering on Loki.

"Do you think I can be like Loki?"

The game concluded, and to your nephew's joy with France's win, 3 - 2. To be honest, you were still clueless about the sport, but you could at least tell Loki lived up to his name, rapidly scoring and leaving his opponents in the dust.

"Of course, you could be better than him!" You appreciate Isagi's support but that probably wasn't the right thing to say in an environment full of soccer fans. Nor the smartest.

"I'm going to head to the bathroom, I'll meet you outside." You hurry away, ready to get out of the stadium.

You were being too paranoid earlier, obviously nothing would happen. To a national athlete like him, someone he hurt all the way back in high school, someone who he entirely ignored for a few years too.

"Fucking found you."

As if the universe was transpiring against you once more, you're dragged into some unknown corridor, a hand silencing you.

It's him.

Michael Kaiser, now a full-grown adult. His high school popularity bloomed into real world fame and glory now. While your success had sprouted from seeds of hurt. 

Now you're pressed up against a wall by him again. This time with his arms having an iron grip on your shoulders, roughly pushing you against the wall.

You can't help but reflect on last time something like this happened. But instead of childish affection it’s aggressive and rough, with his aquamarine eyes clouded with something unreadable. That wasn't particularly new, but what changed was that the foreign but hostile glint flickering in them.

All Kaiser does is stare, hair messy from the match and breathing unstable.

You don't say anything either, you can't even think properly, let alone find the right words to say.

"I've waited for this for so fucking long. You're too distracting."

His arms wrap around you, tightly, as if his life depended on it.

You can't move. Your body won't let you. It's not like you were petrified with fear. It was more so all the conflict of emotions. You weren't sure if you wanted to reciprocate the hug, scream for help, or spit in his face and swear at him.

"Kaiser... Please let go."

He abides, partially, changing back to his original position of holding you against the wall.

"No."

"Please?”

" You always fight back when you're uncomfortable." He wasn't wrong, you didn't exactly hate being in his proximity. You hated how he treated you, and how he's suddenly here again.

"You don’t mind this, right?”

Despite his words, his releases you, allowing you to run away whenever.

But you don't.

Because even though it'd be smarter to run away and never see him again, the tiny hope within you is still pleading for closure, and Kaiser himself.

"Kaiser, I can't, my nephew-"

"Is with Yoichi." Kaiser brings his face a lot closer to yours. "If you wanted to run away, you would've already."

Both of you remain silent, as your cheeks heat up at his touch and presence. His hands reach towards your face to caress your cheeks, the roughness of his calloused hands contrasting your soft skin. Annoyingly, you whimper at the unfamiliar sensation. It earns a cocky smirk from him.

"Cute, you really haven't changed."

"I don’t want to see you."

"Why? We both know you would've already kicked and slapped me if you really hated me."

"Because" Because he scarred you beyond words. "Because you hurt me. A lot." Your voice cracks up at the end, he's the one person you didn't want to be vulnerable around, both before and after heartbreak. 

For the first time in forever, there's something vaguely readable in his eyes. Was that regret? Sorrow? Guilt? Empathy, even?

"I know, I could tell-"

"Then why did you do it?"

You've given up on sounding stoic, evident anger was displayed in your voice.

"I tried everything, dating other people. Yet you still haunt me to this day." Years of accumulated feelings were finally released. "Just when I finally figured out, I liked you, you fucking did that then, and then." The rest is cut off by him.

"... You liked me back...?" There's a significant shift in his tone, from cocky and confident to vulnerable and shocked. "You, liked me...?"

"Of course I fucking did Michael." A quiet gasp leaves his lips at the sound of you finally using his first name again. "You were so sweet and was always there no matter what, until you decided to hate me for no reason."

"No, I've never hated you-"

"Just stop lying. Please. First you lie about loving me and now-"

He swallows the rest of your words with a kiss, denying your claim. The kiss gives you butterflies, your cheeks heat up even more and his lips taste you and him; sweet and irresistible.

When he's done his face is flushed as well, lips swollen. His chest rises up and down, he seems more flustered from the kiss rather than the actual match itself.

It's back to the uncomfortable silence, his hands gripping your shoulders tight and various emotions clouding your mind and heart. 

Without a word, Kaiser just leaves. 

The action evokes a nostalgic yet dreaded emotion, it's just like how he initiates whatever he wants without considering anyone else. 

You swallow your hurt, leaving the hallway and finding Yoichi and your nephew.

You don't lie to your loved ones. You’d rather die than deceive your nephew or your best friend Yoichi. But tonight, was an exception. 

It's not like you wanted to make Yoichi baby sit your nephew ("Sorry, work suddenly called me in), but you were too hurt to spend time with anyone.

The bar's loud, all the noise drowns out your thoughts, as you're up to the nth bottle of alcohol, no one was keeping track.

It's out of character for you to drink so much, but the state of being disconnected from the world, not having to deal with any worries was irresistible. 

"You're drinking a lot." A stranger seated next to you comments, you don't bother questioning who they were.

"I desherve it." You slur out, evidently flat out wasted. "I hate men! Especially the German ones." A few glares were probably received after you said that.

"Why's that?" Their calm tone juxtaposed your upset and livid one. 

"Because, because, this bitch leaves me heartbroken for years, appears out of nowhere, kisses me and." You're cut off by a hiccup. "Disappears again! I, I-" You're a complete mess, hiccupping while chugging down alcohol, and now sobbing with tears messing up your expression. 

The stranger doesn't respond, taking a quick sip from his own glass.

"Did you know," You begin explaining, despite them not asking. "I did so much. I never wanted to date much but I tried to so I could forget him. I even went to a party, and I'm scared of those. Heck, I wrote a whole ass book! At least I can monetize my pain."

"You must hate this guy."

"Beyond words, he's the reason why I think everyone will leave me, but I still feel like I have some kind of hope. If you want to know more, you should read my book." Now you were self-promoting, but the alcohol diminishes your shame. At this point it wouldn't be surprising if people were concerned about how much you've drank. "There's no point of a stupid psychology honours degree if I can't fix myself."

All they do is chuckle, still calm. "I'll read it, and I'm sure he likes you back if he kissed you. There's nothing about you to fix." 

You burst into laughter; you sound borderline manic. "That's what I thought after he said he loved me." Another glass, swallowed down by you with ease.

"After all, there's no way the Michael Kaiser would actually love me."

The next morning you wake up, with a splitting headache and swollen eyes. 

You try to get up and get started with the day, but the lights are so blinding, only amplifying the splitting headache. 

How much did you drink? 

Now you start remembering last night, the (probably) unhealthy amount you drank, your inconsolable bawling and that mysterious yet kind stranger. Your immediate reaction is to grab your pillow with plans of screaming into it, out of embarrassment, praying that you'll never meet that person again and that they'll forget who you are.

Wait.

Since when were your pillow cases white? 

And where did your bookcase go? What about the drawings from your nephew and childhood you cherished and decorated your room with? And what happened to your clothes, since when did you own white robes?

Shit.

"Finally awake?"

Your eyes have finally adjusted to the light, and blinding white melts into something, no, someone.

Kaiser. 

He's seated at the end of the bed, white robe matches yours, with his exposing his toned and muscular chest, and the navy roses blooming on his neck.

What the hell happened. 

It's as if your fight or flight response was triggered, and your brain decided on flight with full confidence, you scurry backwards, avoiding him like the plague.

"Did we-?" The new and completely different outfit and waking up in his bed were obvious hints.

He blinks. 

There's no fucking way. 

"Did you at least use protection? If I get fucking chlamydia because of you, I'll ki-" 

Kaiser laughs. So hard that it sounds like he can barely breathe.

"I didn't say we slept together. The y/n who never understood anything remotely sexual, instantly assuming we went that far." He composes himself, "No, we did not fuck. You were too drunk to consent."

"Then..." Your hands grip at the robe.

"Nothing happened. All I did was give you that to change into"

Alright, now you've confirmed that you don't need to get tested for any STDs or STIs.

"Goodbye then, where's my stuff?" As you try to get up, his hand holds you and your shoulder down, denying your question.

"Don't run away."

It's so ironic for him to tell you that when he stopped talking to you, avoided you, and even went as far as treating you badly. Anyone would want to run away if their first love who had scarred them emotionally randomly reappeared in their lives. 

You remind yourself to remain rational, to stay calm and respond maturely, to deescalate the cascading sentiments overwhelming your heart, like a proper, polite, and perceptive adult. 

But you don't want to be an adult. Not when it feels exactly like your high school years, ones where you had stayed up late just to innocently fawn over Michael Kaiser. Only for your heart to be a toy, one that he had thrown away and ruined merely because he had enough of playing with it.

You're a scared teenager alone in your room again, fearful of everything, heart closed off to the point not even you could fully comprehend what it was feeling. 

You just want to run, to run away from all your problems until they'd give up hunting you down, until they found other prey to pursue, until you could live at peace with your scars.

When people mention 'confronting your fears', most would imagine someone fearless and undisturbed, someone who knows what they're doing. Yet you completely contrast that curated image, a troubled individual who wants to return to how they were before their irremediable suffering.

"Don't give me that crap. You're the one who fucking did that to me."

He's the one who decided to poison you with the suffocating fear of abandonment.

"You never cared for me in any way, why should I bother listening to you now?"

To break your heart was one thing. To do it out of nowhere without explanation after years of captivating affection was another.

Kaiser remains silent, expression still stoic. 

"I hate you." 

That's what you've told and convinced yourself for so many years, yet something inside of you refused to fall for your self-inflicted dishonestly. The part that miserably prayed that Michael Kaiser would one day go back to the boy who was head over heels for you.

You've managed to forget this torment for years, but all he's doing is ruining it, making it even more difficult to get over him and the indescribable hole in your heart.

But now, it doesn't seem like you're the only hurt one.

By the end of your speech, you're panting, despite only staying still in bed. You still have so much more to say, but you're already in disbelief that you've finally expressed the hardships plaguing you, and to the reason for said burdens.

"Why'd you hurt me?" And it finally happens. Tears. Ones that had hid from the world, cowering at the thought of another witnessing this pathetic vulnerability. “Everything would be so much easier if you never appeared again, but you had to randomly appear again to kiss me, only leave again.” 

He finally speaks. Voice equally soft and weak as yours. “I know I did. And I know it wasn’t right. But I never wanted to, I never wanted you to hate me or end up hurt. I’ve always wanted the opposite.” Kaiser shuffles closer, hand inching closer towards yours, not daring enough to hold onto it. 

He inhales, deeply, as if this whole ordeal had an emotional toll on him too.

“I didn’t avoid you because I hated you, or wanted you to get hurt. I wasn’t trying to play with your emotions either. I was young and foolish.” For the first time, he’s readable, evident sorrow painting his features. Right now, he was a complete juxtaposition of his image on the field, assertive and lionhearted to now frightened and uncertain.

He’s not done yet. “I’ve always liked you, from the day we started talking. I wanted to love you properly, to take you out on nice dates and to be a boyfriend no one could ever compare to. I was just… scared.” The Michael Kaiser admitting to fear was something new. “Scared of ending up as a disappointing lover or you never reciprocating. I ran away yesterday because I was a coward. But I don’t want to stay as one. I refuse to."

Kaiser continues. “It feels unreal, the idea of you liking me back when you’re so perfect. You’ve always been mature, diligent, and hardworking, your future seemed so bright with how academically proficient you were. At the time I was so unsure of myself and felt so inferior, it doesn’t justify anything I’ve done but I wanted to rather hurt instead of being hurt.”

“You, think I’m perfect…?” It’s such an innocent question. The praise seemed to melt away the resentment accumulated within your heart, and momentarily you forget wanting to leave.

“Of course, I do.” There’s still the same vulnerability in his expression, but this time it’s complemented with a soft smile. “I mean, look at you. You always got the top marks, and you’ve achieved a dream of entering the psychology field. I still love what you wrote about PSTD.”

How did he know that?

“I never mentioned my job.” He still remembers that one piece you wrote, a task that your English teacher had given. You were allowed to write anything you wanted to, and that was the birth of that PTSD essay, which Kaiser had found impressive for the level of detail it had.

“Your books state it.”

And how does he know about those too? You used a pen name for privacy and to avoid any attention to your personal life and loved ones.

“I never mentioned being an author.”

“You certainly did last night. I quote ‘you should read my book’.”

Wait.

A wave of realization crashed over you, the poor individual you complained to about Michael Kaiser was Michael Kaiser himself. Now the memories are flooding in, the declarations of hate, the miserable murmuring, and your stupidly embarrassing behaviour.

But even after recalling all the events and details of that night, you don’t remember providing a title and your pen name. It’s a complete secret, not even Yoichi or your own family know.

“I didn’t tell you the novel name though?”

Kaiser’s now grinning, but there’s still the soft feel to demeanor. “I’m a bit of a fan. ‘Where the Sea and the Horizon Meet’ is my favourite." It’s the book you wrote about him.

“But how did you know I wrote it?” Anyone can write about their tragic first love and the bitter yet beautiful saccharinity it entails. Your pen name didn’t allude to your legal one in any manner, and you dismissed any questions that interviews that attempted to intrude into your personal life.

“Because I instantly knew it was about you, about us. I’d never forget that day, right before English. When wanted to tell you I loved you since it was so pretty that day. I missed bothering you. I missed you.”

He actually remembered?

All this time you had assumed it was a memory that had been sitting at the back of his mind, only to be forgotten so easily after a couple of years.

You don’t say anything. It’s so confusing and overwhelming, the person who hurt you did it out of the fear of hurt, yet still missed you.

“You didn’t forget?”

“No. You were the first and only person I’ve ever loved.”

First… and only too?

You hadn’t shown any signs of auditory hallucinations recently, right?

Even though he himself just said it, it’s still a fever dream to you, unreal and fictitious.

Did you hear that right? You’re the first and only person he’s ever loved; all those touching memories were real, that heartfelt proclamation of love wasn’t fake.

Despite Kaiser’s confession to being in love with you, there was the tiny part of you that was still convinced that you were dreaming; that none of was real.

Because someone who completely destroyed you so long ago shouldn’t be able to waltz back in so easily.

Yet every part of you is begging for him to come back.

You haven’t said anything for a while, only lost in the storm of thoughts while trying to navigate the seas of your emotions.

“Same.” You whisper, you wish you had said something more than a simple agreement, but it’s all you can muster. And it’s true. No one else had been that loving with you. “I don’t hate you. I hate the pain I felt.” You take back your claim, and he looks like he’s received the best news of his life, relief washing over his features.

“I know, which is why, I would never do again. That’s if, if you’re willing to give me another chance.” He finally has the courage to hold your hand with his own, fingers ghosting over your knuckles. “I want to love you. Again. This time properly, and until I learn how to do perfectly.”

There’s an undeniable fear of you have of vulnerability and love, yet the offer is so tempting.

Is the risk really worth it?

You’ve always depended on logic and rationality to make decisions, and here, it’s clear that trusting someone who hurt you isn’t a smart idea. It’s common sense, but something about him makes you want to oppose your usual ideals; to get hurt over and over again until something works, to finally break down the walls you’ve miserably built, and to expose your heavily guarded heart.

“I love you y/n.”

It doesn’t the possess the same grandeur it did that day, years ago, but it still conveyed the same passion, laced with his true feelings for you.

Only this time, you say it back.

“I love you too… Michael.”

“Am I allowed to kiss you again?”

You permit his request, pressing your lips against his, and it tastes just as saccharine and tempting, but this time it’s now garnished with satisfaction.

“Congratulations on your wedding, Kaiser!”

A smile tugs at his lips as his teammates congratulate him, well pleased with how the event had been turning out so far. His parents were overjoyed about you and the occasion, and everything was running smoothly.

It’s been around three years since you had given him another chance.

You looked flawless, the outfit you chose complemented all your tones (though he’d argue that any colour and shade would’ve looked beautiful on you).

Kaiser couldn’t find the right words to describe how euphoric he felt. The closest to this happiest he’s ever gotten was when you accepted his proposal.

He's relieved and buzzing with a sense of pride. Not the typical, cocky kind, but the kind of proud where he’d be able to happily tell his younger self about all of this, that it all works out in the end, that he eventually makes up for his actions; that he ends up marrying his long time crush.

Everyone was happy, at least, except for one person.

“I can’t fucking believe you’d date and marry this man.”

Kaiser snickers at Yoichi, someone who he’s been competing against constantly and has been his rival for years but is also your best friend.

“I swear, he’s not that bad. But I understand if you’re disappointed.”

 “Excuse me, I’m the perfect boyfriend and husband.”

“Oi, did you hear something? Must’ve been a fly. Didn’t expect any here.” Michael’s jaw drops at being ignored by Yoichi.

“Shit, I’ve forgotten the bug repellent, my bad. My mother might’ve brought some.” Michael lets out an exaggerated gasp at the betrayal.

“You guys are so mean.” You and Yoichi grin at his faux pout.

“Well,” Yoichi begins to slip away. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone; I’m going to go say hi to Kunigami and Hiori again. Kaiser I’ll kill you if you ever hurt y/n.” He waves a small bye to you before running off.

“Someone seems to trust you a lot.”

“I- “Before Michael can try to defend himself and respond with a witty comment, your nephew interrupts, with his parents following from behind.

“y/n! Congratulations!” He comes running towards you with a bouquet, so big that it was almost the size of him, it’s a miracle how he’s able to carry it. You quickly accept, hoping that it wasn’t a hassle for him to bring it.

“Thank you. How’d you carry these? They’re too big for you.”

“He insisted.” Your bother replies to you, his wife nodding. “He said he wanted to be the ones to give them.”

A hand playfully ruffles his hair. “Thanks bud.” Even after years he still has the same kindness and enthusiasm.

“We’re going to say hi to everyone, are you coming?”

“Can I talk to Michael and y/n more?” They nod, reminding him to be polite and greet everyone afterwards.

“I can’t believe you’re dating the Michael Kaiser though.” Kaiser stands with pride at your nephew’s disbelief, about to make a confident statement until your nephew continues. “You better behave properly, you clown.”

Again, Michael’s jaw drops and the sight has you biting your lip to avoid laughing uncontrollably. Your nephew runs off to his parents, saying that he wants to see his grandparents.

“Since when did he talk like Yoichi?” He nudges you, still shocked at being called a clown again. “He even waited for his parents to go. And he ran off immediately. ”

“No idea, but I like it.”

“Of course, you do…” He takes a few moments to stare at you, dazed by your beauty and seemingly in a trance. “You’re stunning.”

“What’s with that suddenly?”

“It’s not sudden, you’ve always been cute. And pretty. And just perfect in general.”

“Someone’s cheesy.” But your smile is out of control.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Giving me a second chance.” The morning you woke up in his hotel room comes to mind, and although you were conflicted on whether to let him back into your life again or not, you don’t regret anything.

“Liebling, I’m truly forever grateful for it.” His hand takes yours, planting a kiss on your knuckles.

Because it’s been amazing with him. From the small yet sweet things like how he'd pay attention to literally everything about you, and remember every time detail about you to his grand proposal by the beach, the one that was located near your high school, the one outside of the window when he first declared he loved you. You adored it all; the connection you and him had that no one else would ever understand, to how the sun sunk into the sea, breathtakingly beautiful. Even the aftermath of arguments because he always refused to deal with them immaturely, knowing the consequences of not doing things right better than anyone else. The mere thought of you crying could bring him down to his knees.

Now, if someone were to ask you about Kaiser you'd end up stumped, thinking of all his actions of love, from always defending you no matter what, even if it's him against the world and the media, to how he constantly teases you (he never shuts up about how you assumed you had slept with him when you woke up in his hotel room.) He's your everything, your boyfriend, lover, your own proof reader and soon to be husband.

Now, you'd describe him as your favourite, someone you adore beyond what words could capture, not even your experience as an author could ever change that.

“I love you, so so much. I would die for you Liebe.” Kaiser eagerly kisses you, and no matter how many times he does you never get sick of how he tasted, or how soft and tender they were.

“I love you too Mihya.” You breathe out, crimson dusted all over your face as you’re panting in between words.

He really wasn’t lying when he said wanted to love you properly.

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[angeliczuko]

"I got my eyes on you"

Summary: Dazai realizes how gloomy you have been, especially during both yours vacation ,,,what will they do to make their sweet s/o feel better?

Genre: fluff, hurt to comfort

Warnings: reader is sort of workaholic and very tired, implied depression, basically him comforting you when your at your lowest <3

A/N: um hi guys :D first post!

DAZAI knew whenever you were sad, happy, delighted or angry. He was a very calculating man after all. One would say he knew everything, though you wouldn`t say that when he first confessed his love to you, he acted like some lovesick puppy!

You could only think of his soft chocolate-coloured hair which you would run your fingers through late at night, his umber eyes which would shine with just a tiny bit of light when they looked at your figure whenever you felt gloomy.

You loved everything about this bandaged man.

And you didn`t even know why!

You opened your eyes a large beach infront of you ah thats right you were on vacation with him. The sky was getting darker by the minute especially since it was late at night. There was a huge cloud above you, you could feel it hovering your thoughts at all times.

As you took in the sight infront of you, you notice dazai playing around the sand in beach-type clothes to which you only smiled softly from the chair you sat on.

The evening air brushed across your skin making your body slightly shiver. This was the last day tomorrow both of you had to return home.

Dazai walks over to you, a beaming smile presented on his face ''Bellllllla! come join me, we can swim together the water is a bit cold but who cares it would be fun" he exclaimed.

"No dazai, not in the mood" you chuckle out.

You could see a hint of worry and concern on dazai`s face as you decline. He grabs you by your arms, a bit softly like always on how he treats you like a fragile doll and makes your feet pace with him.

"Wait where are we going, dazai!" you shout as he only smiles and keeps making you follow him up to some hill beside the shore you had never seen it before but it was filled with lilies and was very high.

"Keep close to me bella" he replies back as he keeps taking strikes, you had wondered why he was so persistent in taking you to a place lovely as this, you don`t deserve it.

As you finally quiet down because its no use Dazai stops on the top of the hill and at that moment you felt everything stop as fireworks blow in the sky, each a different colour. The way the dark sky blossomed into various colours looked as if a huge bundle of feelings were let out.

"Dazai, this.." you uttered softly taking in the view as you feel his bandaged arms on the top of your head, lovingly rubbing it giving you a peace of mind.

"Did you forget sweetheart? Tonight was the fireworks show, I couldn`t enjoy this without you can i? You deserve all this, everything in this world" he continued.

"I wish i could gift you every single item presented in this cruel world but that wouldn`t express my adoration for you properly so i will give you heart, because that`s the richest thing i could gift you"

You didn`t look at him, as your teary eyes which reflected the patterns in the sky tried not to cry.

Dazai kissed the back of your head, gently like the night breeze.

"You deserve all of this, my belladonna"

A/N: first post! hehe

Divider: @benkeibear

[firstdivisiongirl]

Day 22: Mihawk - I Can’t Believe You’re Not Going to be Home for Christmas

WARNING: Angst with a Happy Ending

If there was one thing you knew when it came to Mihawk, it was that the man was never home.  He was a pirate and that required a lot of work, especially because he was a warlord.  He was the biggest workaholic you knew.  But you loved him anyway.  He promised you that he’d try to be home for Christmas, but as usual it wasn’t going to happen.

“I can’t believe you’re not going to be home for Christmas,” you said with a sigh, “can’t they let you have one day off!”

“I’m sorry.  I’ll be back for New Year,” he said, grabbing Yoru and walking out the door to the dock on your little creepy island.  As the door closed, all the tears you had held in came pouring out.

It was officially the week before Christmas and you had so much to do.  Usually, Mihawk would know when he has to leave, so he’d help you decorate beforehand.  But since this was a last minute call, you were left to do it all.  This was the one time of year that you could make Kuraigana Castle look a little less of a Nightmare Before Christmas.  You decided the first thing to do was put up the tree.  It was basically the centerpiece.  Right now, you really wished he was here to help.  Currently, you were standing on the top of a ladder putting on your beautiful handcrafted star that Shanks gave you as a wedding gift.  Even with the ladder, you weren’t tall enough to reach the top.  You stood on your toes trying to reach it.  You reached and reached to get the star on, but you lost your footing and pushed the ladder back as you fell.  It was a long drop, especially since your tree was at least 15 ft. tall (what? This place has high ceilings.  You can have a crazy tall tree).  You closed your eyes waiting for your hard impact with the ground. Great, you thought, Mihawk is going to come home to find me dead.  But, that impact never came.  When you opened your eyes, the amber eyes of your husband met yours.  He had caught you before you went splat.  “Mihawk,” you rejoiced, wrapping your arms around his neck hugging him, “what are you doing here?”

“They decided to have Boa handle it.  I’m here until the new year.  Thought it’d be a nice surprise,” he said before putting you down and kissing you.

“Well it is.  Thank you so much for saving me.  Now, we have a lot of work to do.  Christmas decorations don’t put themselves up!”

He held you close.  He was happy to be home for Christmas.  But to be honest, anywhere with you felt like home to him.

Please do not copy, modify, translate, repost my writing on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated!

[kyushiblast]

Howdy! Could I request a platonic grusha with a reader who maybe gets into an accident during his snowboarding gym challenge? Not just taking a tumble or anything, like rocks fall or something and you break a limb.

Im not really sure what kind of genre this would count as... hurt/comfort, I suppose????

Idk. I just like giving my favorite characters heart attacks 🙃

⤷ 〝 reminders and you. 〞

➞ pairing : grusha x gn! reader

➞ summary : you get injured during grusha’s gym challenge.

➞ genre : hurt to comfort

➞ cw / other : bad injury mention , DO NOT RAG ON MY TAKE ON GRUSHA’S PERSONALITY OK , not proofread

➞ a/n : ahah we are very alike. I’M SORRY there are some non platonic parts in here i couldn’t help myself — GOSH this could’ve been so much better. again, i'm sorry.

you and grusha were friends on good terms. he’d heard from you plenty on how excited you were to face him despite battling him unofficially many times before.

he’d then reminded you about his gym challenge, which led to him teaching you the basics.

everything should’ve been fine. you should’ve passed with flying colors, you should’ve been able to battle him. but as grusha watched from above, he witnessed himself the event.

a couple of rocks flew your way from a bunch of whatever pokémon play-fighting, ranging from the size of a bergmite to a literal cetoddle. it was hectic.

this was early in the morning, so the snow tossed around from the first hit was easily seen throwing you off and landing you in the snow. grusha, without thinking, leapt from his position and sped towards your body. you were practically suffocating in the snow, the amount on top of you along with the heavy rocks against your one leg preventing you from getting up.

everything ached. grusha’s voice sounded so far away, even as he wiped the snow away from your face and got his pokemon to help get the rocks off.

yelling. ambulances. people carrying you away. grusha’s hand entwined with yours (as he’d taken off his glove to do so) in a protective, worried manner. and you’d just noticed your tears falling down onto the stretcher, warm compared to the coldness in your chest.

meanwhile, grusha was having an inward panic attack. why did it always have to be with snowboarding? he could’ve prevented this—he could’ve had the common sense to rid the pokémon around in case of something like this happening. but no—he just watched you. watched the fall, watched your bleeding and crippled form from those stupid rocks and the icy mountain’s hand in all of this.

he gripped onto your hand like it was a form of life support, no matter how embarrassing it would be to explain it later. he was focused on the flashbacks of what happened to him before, his state and his life turned upside down because of one mistake.

but he promised to himself that whatever happened next, he’d be next to you through it all.

the ride felt like a time to reflect. reflect on childhood and whatever led you to this. “if i go out like this,” you thought to yourself, “at least it’ll be by grusha…”

like souls melded together, your thoughts were mostly on the other on the journey to the hospital.

he’d expected this, but couldn’t help but cringe anyways at the diagnosis.

fractures, a concussion, internal suffering, and so on—surgeries were unavoidable and inevitable. but to him you handled it all like a champ, thankful that the doctors here were skilled and handy at their jobs.

grusha was relieved you were alive. the doctors had said you were lucky, and he couldn’t have thanked his lucky stars more for you.

his calm demeanor slowly returned in the lobby as he waited patiently for them to call him back. he got news that you’d have to stay overnight, which he was also expecting. and so he decided to stay with you as comfort.

he carefully opened the door to your room, the place dimmed and your eyes closed for sleep—or as he thought.

it’d surprised him when he saw your fingers wiggle a little, as if reaching out but suppressed by lack of energy (which was probably accurate). he gently took your chilly hand, warming it up with his now put on glove. you’d tugged at the material, though, and so grusha took it off.

his fingers, surprisingly soft and less cracked than you’d think them up to be, moved in soothing gestures against your own. your mind was still in a daze, but you knew that this feeling with him felt fuzzy and warm. a moment you’d want to last forever under different circumstances in which you hadn’t injured yourself.

after some contemplation, he leaned forward to lightly kiss the top of your hand before shying his head away.

he’d stayed holding your hand until you’d fallen asleep, his cue to fall asleep on the chairs next to the bed despite the uncomfortable feeling.

grusha’s happy to say that he was fully available on the day you were discharged. on other days, he’d visit you in the hospital with the days cut short because of one thing or another. but because of a well needed day off, grusha appeared on the day and helped you get back to the outside world.

you got back your pokemon from grusha, who’d you’d loaned them to to take care of while you were hospitalized. they’d visited too along with him, always clingy and fussy over you.

you were supposed to use a special cast for a while, but it was better than staying holed up in that musty room with nothing to do and talk about scheduled dosages and surgeries all the time. much better.

with grusha by your side, you were going to go back to your usual routines and finally be able to battle him.

all this for a battle. spoiler alert, you win.

work of kyushiblast , please do not translate , copy , or repost here or on any other platform !!

[ccalhoun]

Hihi! I was wondering if I can send a request of a Brahms Heelshire oneshot angst? The plot would be like you guys got into a fight of some sort, making him angry and violent. He would accidentally hit you or push you, or anything that can cause you death? What would be his reaction? You can decide that :D

If you decide to do it, thank you so much! No rush at all! Take your time and have a lovely day💕

≻ ┄┄ ♡ ┄┄ ≺

brahms heelshire x m!reader oneshot!

warnings: male reader, can be trans or cis, toxic brahms (its brahms lets be real), arguing, mutual comfort, mentions of blood, descriptions of abandonment, hurt to comfort

wc: 900+

cut for length!

you stormed out of your room, brahms following quickly behind you.

"wait, please! just listen to me! why are you so upset?" brahms' voice was a mix between begging and yelling at you. he was horrified you were going to abandon him and leave him (how would be survive without you)? however, he also thought you were being irrational, how bad was it really that he killed the most recent grocery boy? its not like he deserved to live, how could someone like him try to flirt on someone like you? it was disgusting, really, he views you as an angel, a higher being when all you really do is love him and sort of put up with his stalker-y bullshit. he couldn't let such a lowlife entertain the idea of doing impure things with you, obviously he had to kill the man.

"brahms! just leave me alone, i need to be alone, okay?" you snapped, still keeping you voice low but sharp. brahms let out an almost noiseless growl, barely hearing it himself.

"what's gotten into you? why aren't you listening to me?" brahms' tone now had more of an angry tone, you backed up slightly out of fear. you knew brahms loved you and just had problems with getting told no and being in healthy relationships, but he was still scary. and unstable. almost like you predicted it, he shoved you, hard, and you hit your head on the edge of a small hall table holding a vase with plastic flowers in them. the vase quickly fell off as well, smashing on the floor next to your hand. the sound not only scared you, but also made you flinch and get a few pieces of glass in the palm of your hand.

"damn!" you shouted out of shock before staying seated and trying to take deep breaths so you didn't pass out. brahms just looked at you in shock, millions of thoughts running through his head. his hands were shaking and his heart was beating in his ears, he started silently crying without even thinking about it. "brahms?" you whispered softly once you got your breathing under control and noticed the poor horrified man.

the sound of your voice woke him from his mini coma, looking at your face before starting to sob. his first thought was to get you a rag with water on it and some bandages, since thats what you used to clean him up when he got scraped. he quickly ran off to get the items despite your yelling for him to come back.

you wanted to get up and try to find him but you felt way too dizzy, you were just gonna have to wait until you could stand and walk around. hey, at least maybe he'd be more calmed down by the time you actually do find him! you started to doze off without realizing it when you heard the sound of him softly stepping close to you. your eyes slightly opening wider to look at the man in front of you. he was holding what looked like a cloth of sort and a box of band-aids, how sweet.

he carefully and slowly knelt down, making sure to avoid any of the glass on the ground. you quickly noticed the glint of silver in his hands and realize he was holding your tweezers, you instantly thought of the time he got a splinter and you used the same tweezers to get the small piece of wood out of his hand. you wanted to cry in a good way, he was being sweeter than normal and you missed seeing him like this.

"i'm so sorry," his voice was shaky and slow as he started to carefully and slowly look for glass in the cuts on your arm, trying his best to clean it up and make sure you'd be ok. it was at this point you realized he was still crying, it must have really freaked him out. your heart filled with warmth as you looked at the poor man, scaring himself because he's still trying to learn, him apologizing at all is a massive step. you were less scared, now just convinced you could help him to be even better, and make this the last time this ever happens.

"it's ok, brahmsy," you made sure to add his nickname so he listened better, you knew he loved it when you called him any nicknames, "you're still learning, it's ok. you're helping me now, you're doing such a good job," his crying seemed to stop as he froze and looked at you. the tears started up again after a minute and he hugged you tightly, avoiding your arm, letting out small 'thank you's and 'i'm so sorry's. he really did feel bad. you gave him a soft kiss on the forehead before interrupting the soft moment.

"sorry to rush you, but can you go back to getting the glass out of my arm? i want to show you how to do it properly, if that's ok with you," you smiled softly at him and he nodded slowly, handing you the tweezers and towel, setting the box of band-aids on the floor closer to you. you showed him how to find glass, take it out, clean the cut, and carefully put on the right sized band-aid, once you knew his attention was fully drawn from what happened, you relaxed as well, just enjoying showing him how to help.

and he did listen, he was able to clean up the rest of your arm without any problems <3!

≻ ┄┄ ♡ ┄┄ ≺

[jahayla-parker]

Dead: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Description: 5.8k wc, for the prompt of "You're supposed to be dead" originally for this request but I went overboard so I separated Kaz's!

Warnings: passive suicidal thoughts (NO action), mentions of death and injuries, trauma references, drinking, grief, loss, etc. and typical SOC/SAB trigger warnings

Maybe in the end, Kaz was meant to be alone.

It would make sense after all.

He certainly deserved to end up alone.

Yet, he must have done something right along the way.

After all, the universe, one of Inej’s saints, or whatever other force allegedly existed, had granted him y/n.

He never thought he’d be with anyone.

Kaz thought he was too far gone, too broken, too cruel, too numb, etc.

He never thought he'd be able to love someone; not after Jordie.

He thought he'd never let himself experience that sentiment ever again; much less express it.

He never thought he'd be able to become the person he now was.

That is until some unknown force brought the wonderfully undeserved presence that was Y/n into his life.

Despite his most aggressive and resistant behavior towards forming anything with her, he did.

Despite his toxic actions and inactions, she stuck around.

It was as if there was nothing that could tear them apart.

Not even Kaz’s phenomenal self-sabotage skills could make her give up on him.

However, at some point, Kaz allowed himself to become naive, ignorant, and lovesick.

In other words, Kaz Rietveld has taken control over the bastard's heart and mind when it came to her.

So much so that he’d allowed himself to fall into the position in which he was now facing.

A situation he swore he’d never find himself in.

Not again, anyways; not after having been there before due to Jordie.

Yet, here he was.

Alone in his chaotic mess of an office.

Drinking whatever Saint-forsaken thing he could find.

He knew he was cutting deep into the Crow Club's profits.

Kaz Brekker’s voice tauntingly scolded him despite Kaz Rietveld’s mind still being in control of his emotional state.

He desperately wished Dirtyhands would take over his mind and heart entirely.

It wouldn’t hurt then; or at least not as much.

He’d sworn to never let anyone get close enough for this to happen.

And yet, it had; she did.

He let her get close to him; he needed her to.

So, his naive Rietveld mentality had convinced the Kaz Brekker mentality he formed to learn to accept it.

Oh, how he wished he could go back and undo that acceptance.

But did he?

Is that really what he wanted?

To undo accepting her into his life?

Sure, he’d not be experiencing an excruciating sense of loss right now.

But was the lack of an excruciating sense of loss worth her absence in his life?

No.

Neither part of him believed that he'd choose anything over her.

Ironically, it didn’t matter.

He’d have to experience her absence one way or the other.

For now, it wasn’t anything he even had a choice in.

She was gone.

He could’ve saved her.

He should’ve saved her.

But he hadn’t.

And now, the Bastard found himself alone again.

For the first time in a long time.

And nothing, and no one, could cure the aching and longing loneliness he felt.

Not his sharpshooter, Jesper.

Not his Wraith, Inej.

Not his heartrender, Nina.

Not his demolitions expert, Wylan.

Not his Fjerdan, Matthias.

Not the countless bottles of alcohol he’d downed.

Not the overpriced scented candle Kaz gifted Y/n days prior that used to make him grin over how excited she would be to light it.

Not now that it sat on the nightstand, never to be used again.

Not the throwing of papers and plans he'd done upon entering his room.

Not the reminder that he'd experienced something similar before.

For while that was true, having chosen to risk this type of loss all over again made it much worse now.

And nothing, absolutely nothing, could erase the flashbacks in his mind.

They were there even if he didn’t close his eyes.

They were always there.

But she wasn't.

No one could pull him from the ceaseless sense of drowning inside him.

Not even himself.

None of his previously formed coping mechanisms worked.

No one could get him to open up and talk.

No one could get him to accept it.

No one could get him to heal from it.

No one could get him to move on from the immediate aftermath of her death.

Though, they’d tried.

Jesper had offered to show Kaz how to let go and decompress the way he would after a bad heist.

He knew the Bastard wouldn't talk to him about what he was experiencing, so he tried to help through action.

Yet, Kaz refused to follow Jesper around from gambling den to gambling den.

So, Wylan stepped in and tried to play some relaxing music for him.

Wylan knew music could be healing and calming, but despite his best efforts, Kaz remained the same.

Nina was the next to try but when she tried to loosen his muscles, Kaz snapped at her.

It was the one time he truly said much of anything since that night

But, it told them all they had to know.

Kaz Brekker was gone.

They didn't know who, if anyone, would form over time.

But, their boss -and dare to say it, friend- was no longer there.

Inej merely left a note on his desk that she was there to talk if he wished to do so; not wanting to push him when he was already suffering.

Matthias normally couldn't care less for the demjin, but when Kaz shouted for Nina to leave him be and that he didn't want the pain to leave his body, even Matthias felt sorry for him.

The Fjerdan knew immediately what Kaz was meaning.

He too was willing to feel the pain of his losses (his parents and sister) as it acted as some torturous connection to the person they'd lost.

So, he helped Inej make sure the Crow Club kept operating so Kaz would have one less worry whenever he came back to them.

So Kaz once again found himself alone.

It wasn’t truly the being alone that bothered him.

It was the fact he was alone because she was gone that was painful

He could handle being alone.

But he couldn’t handle being without her.

He couldn't stand living in a world in which she didn’t exist.

He’d contemplated removing that possibility.

After all, he'd taken down Pekka Rollins already.

And now that Y/n was gone, he truly had no purpose here anymore.

But he knew it wouldn’t matter.

Even if Inej was right about their being some form of afterlife, he wouldn’t see y/n after his death.

If such a thing existed, she’d have earned a spot in 'Heaven'.

She'd be somewhere Kaz would never be allowed.

Somewhere almost deserving of her presence.

He wasn’t sure where Jordie had ended up, assuming Inej was right.

He wanted to believe his brother would also go to 'Heaven'.

However, due to Kaz's lack of faith, he didn’t know what behaviors amounted to earning a spot in 'Heaven'.

Nor did he know what behaviors would remove someone from such a place.

For all he knew, the Saints could have some tally sheet of behaviors that they kept track of throughout one's life.

Perhaps y/n wouldn’t get to the highest level of afterlife either.

But, if you asked Kaz, he knew she deserved far higher than him; no matter what she may have had to do to survive before they'd met.

Y/n was far better than him.

Far better than he was.

Far better than he is.

Far better than he ever could’ve been.

Far better than he ever would be now.

And far better than he deserved.

So, regardless of what the Saints might demand to get in, he knew that he’d never see her again even if there were an afterlife.

That didn’t stop the thought of attempting to get to wherever she was from occurring day in and day out; despite the constant alcoholic buzz he had.

No amount of paperwork, liquor, Kruge, heists, etc. could distract him enough from missing her.

He felt her absence everywhere.

The same way he’d felt her presence just days before.

The presence he’d never feel again.

It wasn’t that he had forgotten it was possible to lose her.

He just pushed aside the fear of that pain for the -at the time- current comfort of being with her.

The guy who cared only about his own survival found someone he was ready to die for.

Yet, he was denied the chance to show her that.

Instead, he was forced to watch her die while he stood by helplessly.

He always accounted for everything.

But losing her was not something he could have seen coming.

It should’ve been.

He knows that.

But the idea was far too terrifying and painful to even contemplate, much less anticipate or prepare for.

So he hadn’t.

He always took measures to ensure her safety.

Certainly during heists.

Yet, it wasn't enough.

It wasn’t enough to save her.

He wasn’t enough.

He hadn’t been calculated enough.

He hadn't been smart enough.

He hadn’t been focused enough.

When it came down to it, he hadn’t been enough.

And now she was gone.

And the only person he could truly blame was himself.

Of course, by now each of the opposing parties had been dealt with in a very Kaz-like manner.

He hadn't done so with the hopes that it would’ve eased his pain or his guilt.

He knew it wouldn’t.

But he couldn’t let them get away with it either.

She deserved better.

The least he could do was take their lives the way they took hers.

Yet, it did nothing to lower the waves -that normally rose to his chest- that now nearly reached his nose.

Nor did it do the one thing he was truly desperate for.

The bastard of the Barrel was never one to be seen as desperate.

Well, apart from having been desperate for revenge against Pekka; and perhaps Kruge.

But even so, that desperation was kept in check.

However, this was not.

And Kaz didn’t bother to pretend otherwise.

He couldn’t muster the energy to maintain his normally stoic demeanor to the full extent.

To most who didn’t know him, he probably looked like the same careless Barrel boss as before.

But those closest to him, his crows, and even some of the closer dregs saw the drastic change in him that night.

He’d always been troubled and plagued with his past and his losses.

But he now seemed haunted and hallowed by them.

No one knew what to do and they’d all been grieving in their own rights so no one found a way to truly comfort him.

Not that any attempt would be successful; as Kaz did not see himself coming back from this one.

Y/n had helped him with the trauma surrounding his brother Jordie.

But no one would be capable of helping him with the trauma of losing her.

He knew she had more power and impact on him than he’d ever care to admit.

But by the time he knew this, he was too far gone to effectively resist.

Losing her was like not only losing a part of himself but himself altogether.

He lost the drive that Kaz Brekker had.

His immediate anger and heartbreak had alleviated the people who played a role in her passing.

He now had no one to hunt, scheme against, nor harm.

No one to blame.

No one but himself.

And yet, even he knew that no one could have seen this coming.

Not even Dirtyhands Kaz Brekker.

Yet, he was the only option he had as a source to assign blame to.

Nonetheless, he lost the confidence and passion that the Barrell boss once had.

He lost the small spark of light that y/n instilled in him.

The light that made him believe even Kaz Brekker deserved a happy ending.

Now he was resigned to the fact he was clearly meant to end up alone.

If only he’d stuck with that belief, perhaps she would still be here.

He lost the happiness he’d worked so hard to accept from her.

She had been his one true source of happiness.

The crows and successful heists brought similar emotions.

But, only through y/n was he able to truly appreciate all of it.

He also lost what remained of poor, pathetic, little, Kaz Rietveld.

Any innocence that may have lingered deep down inside of him after Jordie’s death was now undoubtedly erased after y/n’s.

Any kindness or compassion he felt towards others felt ripped away from him as he fell into a numb state of being.

He hadn’t accounted for what his life would be like if she’d passed.

If anyone had asked prior to that night, he’d have told them he would be fine.

Of course he would, he’d have said, after all he’d experienced loss before.

And it drove him.

But even with Jordie, he didn’t truly survive.

A new version of him did, but he wasn’t the same.

Not until y/n had managed to resurrect what remained of the original version of himself.

Now both versions were destroyed and he didn’t know where that left him.

Other than in his office, endlessly drinking liquor as if it were a life source, and feeling sorry for himself.

Oh, if only Dirtyhands Kaz Brekker could see himself right now.

------

Kaz had drunk himself into such a stupor that he didn't hear the knock on his door.

It was now several nights after the incident and he hadn’t emerged from his chambers in well over 48 hours now.

So, unbeknownst to him, their home had an unexpected presence.

After much debate, the crows had agreed to step back and allow Kaz to contact the presence first.

Hence why Wylan's knocking increased in tempo; as if trying to show the urgency behind it.

Yet, the sound merely reverberated off the walls of Kaz's room without him noticing.

From the other side of the door, Jesper huffed loudly.

He signaled for the others to move back; ready to take whatever drastic measures it took to alert his best friend to the news he knew Kaz needed.

Nina gently placed her hands on her friends' shoulders and guided them away from the doorway.

Jesper smirked at the girls beside him before he aggressively kicked the wooden door, his smirk growing as the wood splintered and the door swung open.

“Kaz” Jesper said firmly as the crows all squinted in order to adjust to the dim lighting of his room.

Kaz either didn’t hear Jesper or chose to ignore him.

Instead of responding, he merely sipped on the amber liquid in his glass.

“We should leave you to it” Inej suggested, giving her friend a smile and shoulder squeeze before having to all but drag the others away.

Kaz’s eyes never changed from the distant look they had seemingly taken on before they'd entered.

He hadn’t moved one millimeter other than to take another sip of his drink.

Anyone could see the state of distress the Bastard had been in by just seeing the state of his room.

There was broken glass and other debris around the room, empty liquor bottles piled up in an overflowing garbage bin, an unusual lack of papers/plans on his desk, etc.

The phsyical state of his room along with the completely dissociated gaze his eyes held broke y/n’s heart as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.

She wasn’t sure what she expected after that night.

She knew he likely thought she was dead.

After all, she thought she was going to be.

She should’ve been.

She knew Kaz loved her, in his own way.

So she expected some kind of reaction to her apparent death.

But, she hadn’t expected this.

She hadn’t wanted this.

Shed made her way back to their home as quickly and safely as she reasonably could.

It had taken over a day to do so, but she didn’t want Kaz’s crew or their fellow Crows to spot her.

She knew they’d immediately tell Kaz and given that he’d seen her fall after being shot, she knew he’d lash out at the reporting party for spreading gossip.

She hoped she could make it to him undetected but quickly enough to prevent him from much grief.

But even though it hadn’t taken her much more than a day to reach him, he seemed to have already spiraled.

She took a deep breath and slowly walked closer to his desk.

Y/n hated how his eyes never left his glass despite her movements.

He was never this unobservant.

Or perhaps he no longer cared nor had the energy to bother with his surroundings.

Either way, she hated this.

Y/n cautiously set a hand over the far side of the rim on his glass as she tried to block him from taking another slug of the beverage.

She watched as his body reacted slowly.

While it took much longer than normal, his reaction was enough to show Kaz had been able to sense a change, which was more than she’d gotten so far.

Kaz’s glazed eyes dragged upwards from his glass to her face in a painstakingly glacial pace.

When they finally landed on her, he froze for a moment, his eyes now appearing needy and hungry.

Once his eyes seemed to take in her presence, they shut tightly as his body shook.

Y/n swallowed thickly as uncharacteristic tears pushed their way through Kaz’s closed eyes and down his face.

“Kaz” y/n whispered.

She wanted so badly to kneel by his desk as to be closer to him, but her wounded leg wouldn’t let her.

She watched as he slammed his glass down, the liquid splashing out the rim onto his desk.

He drug his hand down his face and gripped the edge of the desk “fuck”.

Y/n saw he was wearing his gloves despite being alone in his room and her heart somehow hurt even more.

He hadn’t done that in years.

Yet, here he was, unable to handle the feeling of even his own skin.

“Kaz, please talk to me” she tried again, desperately wanting to help him.

She watched as a sob shook his body and barely squeaked past his lips.

The sound made her own tears fall faster.

“Love, I want to help-“ y/n whispered after giving themselves a moment to regain their composure.

“You’re not real! Just fucking stop” Kaz shouted, both of his hands flying to his face.

One of his hands began pulling at his hair until it hurt, the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

He felt insane.

He knew he’d been drinking far too much.

Perhaps this illusion before him was somehow his consequence.

Y/n watched him closely, unsure how to reach him.

They’d worked on his touch aversion before but now hardly seemed like the time to push it.

“Kaz, I am real” she spoke tenderly, watching his body language for any signs of him listening to her.

He only shook his head and stifled another sob.

Y/n sniffled and audibly took a deep breath, “I know… and I’m sorry, I came as fast as I could-”.

“It… it isn’t… it is not possible” Kaz repeated to himself.

“Look at me, please. Kaz I need to see your eyes” y/n begged.

It would usually work as Kaz knew how comforting it was to look into her eyes so he’d always returned the favor when prompted.

However, y/n watched his fingers grip together tightly as he resisted looking up at her.

“Look I tried to… I know I was bleeding…-“ she began trying to explain but was uncertain how to do so.

“Hey, see my leg? That’s from the fall, but I’m not dead” y/n attempted, pointing down at her excessively bandaged leg.

Kaz shook his head defiantly, not glancing up from the desk.

There was no way she didn’t die, he’d seen her fall.

He’d never have left her if he didn’t know she was dead

Even when he knew, Mathias had to shove and push him back to the club as his body froze at the sight.

All of his survival instants evaporated when he watched her fall to her death.

He threw up the contents of his stomach once he’d made it back and realized Matthias had been touching him the whole time.

So, he knew this illusion before him had to be wrong.

But he couldn’t figure out why his mind would do this to him.

Because, despite the illusion of her presence in this moment, Kaz had the image of her death burned in his mind.

The image had played in his mind on endless loop for hours, hence the never ending flow of alcohol.

Seeing his once again distant stare, y/n sighed, “Kaz I’m alive… it’s me, I promise. I’m okay, I’m not dead”.

Kaz’s brain replayed the torturous flashback upon hearing her words.

His eyes stared blankly ahead at the wall as his mind once again recalled the night he’d lost her.

The heist had gone wrong, the crows were detected far earlier than planned due to the sudden rainfall.

The intense rainfall diminished the fog Wylan’s explosives were supposed to offer, prompting the guards of the house they were fleeing to spot them much faster than anticipated.

This meant everyone was rushing back to the Crow Club and not as attentive to their surroundings.

Well, everyone but Kaz.

Kaz, of course, stayed as attentive as always.

He saw the way the water was gathering in the sight depressed areas of the old roofs.

He warned y/n and Inej to be cautious and aware of them.

But they still had to hurry nonetheless in order to not be caught.

Kaz was a few feet behind on the ground when it happened.

He watched in horror as a bullet pierced her left shoulder, making her dodge to the right in response.

But as she did, she lost her footing when she stepped into the small puddle of water that had formed in a small bowl shape indentation on the roof.

Kaz watched as her ankle buckled and she fell to her side, her upper body hanging over the edge.

Kaz had unconsciously begun to painfully climb the stairs on the side of the building.

Despite the pain in his legs he needed to reach her before the situation worsened.

So he pressed on, reaching the top rather quickly.

But as he pushed himself onto the roof, he could only watch as the guard shoved her lower body off the slanted roof.

It took only seconds for Kaz to disarm the guard and turn him into a bloody withering mess.

As the man slid off the roof, Kaz neared the edge only to see the exact thing he feared he’d see.

Her limp body was laid there, eyes open but blank, blood puddled around her shoulder and head.

He pressed his cane into the roof more to stabilize himself as the rain continued to gush down on him.

He stared at her, waiting for her chest to begin rising and falling again.

It had to.

She had to be okay.

He wasn’t able to think clearly enough to even question it when something suddenly shoved him away from the scene.

His eyes may have physically left the scene at that moment, but the image of her limp frame was already burned into his retinas.

And that image was all he saw until he’d arrived back at the club.

And that image was what continued to haunt him now.

Kaz slowly came back to the present moment, his body trembling and lip bleeding from biting it so aggressively.

He looked up at the illusion of her and glared, “I don’t know what alleged Saint I’ve wronged, but what kind of Saint does this to someone?!”

With a sorrowful look in her eyes, she shook her head, “Kaz, there’s no Saint involved. It’s me, it’s y/n”.

Seeing the anger and disbelief still in his eyes, she closed the distance and smiled softly.

She set her hand palm upwards on his desk, as an invite for him to touch her and see that she was real; if he were able to.

It took several silent minutes of him staring at her hand before he moved.

But, when he did, he reluctantly removed one glove and placed his fingertips against her palm.

His chair squeaked against the floor as he jumped at the feeling of her hand against his fingers.

The feeling he knew and cherished.

As his eyes became glassier, Kaz adjusted so he could firmly place his fingers over her wrist in search of her pulse.

When he acknowledged there was in fact a pulse, his grip on her wrist tightened some.

“B-but-..” He cleared his throat, eyes fierce as they looked up at her in frustration, “You’re supposed to be dead!”

“I’m not though, Kaz” she assured him with a delicate smile.

When he removed his hand from hers to out his glove back on, she waited for him to speak.

However when he didn’t soften his intense glare, she spoke again.

“If you prefer that though..” She teases hoping to break the tension, “I can just-“

“Don’t” Kaz’s raspy voice demanded as he abruptly stood.

He let his eyes scan her whole body slowly.

Both in search of injuries or signs of her fall, and in searches of all the tiny details only he knew.

Like the way she had a faint scar on her elbow from a fight she’d won the night Kaz met her.

Or the details he memorized in the way that she would stand when nervous.

Once he’d had adequate time to take in her appearance, she softly assured him, “I’m here Kaz. It’s me”.

“I thought…” his voice broke and he cleared his throat as to not sound weak when speaking again.

“I lost you” He stated, eyes furrowed as he looked at her.

“Kaz you didn’t-“ she sighed sympathetically as she scanned the pain in his features.

“Yes I did” He corrected, sitting down when his legs shook.

“Losing you was a nightmare that I begged every day to awake from." He admitted, resting his sweaty forehead in his gloved palms as he propped himself up with the support of his desk.

She drug over a chair, her chair that was across the room when she’d arrived.

Sitting beside him without touching him, she spoke softly, “you’ve awakened from it now Kaz. I’m so sorry it to me so long to-“.

“How?” He cut in, eyes dazed as he looked at her.

“How?” She asked, uncertain which topic he was referencing.

“How did you survive? You- he cleared his throat you stopped breathing and the … blood..” he whispered, his gravely voice thicker than normal.

She nodded, “Nina’s friend, Lieke, from the little palace? Well, she happened to be nearby”.

“She’s a heartrenderer?” Kaz asked, racking his brain to see if he already knew this.

Y/n nodded again, “I’d never met her, but Lieke said she owed Nina a favor”.

Kaz was silent as his mind tried to play through it to make sure this wasn’t some twisted scheme.

Y/n knew from the look on his face what he was doing

So, she continued her weak attempt at explaining the situation she barely came to terms with herself.

“I guess she recognized me and us all, thanks to Nina’s stories and your reputation, so when she saw me … fall…” she whispered.

“She waited until it was safe and then she took me in and patched me up. She said I wasn’t awake for a few days… So,.. so I had a late start getting here. I’m sorry-” y/n frowned.

“Don’t” Kaz barked harshly, closing his eyes in guilt at his outburst.

After a moment of tense silence, he took a shaky breath and continued.

“Do not apologize for that” Kaz demanded, “I don’t care how long it took”.

She gave him a thankful timid smile as he glanced up at her.

“I shouldn’t have left you” he said, his voice laced with guilt.

“Kaz, you thought-” she argued, her voice far more sympathetic than Kaz felt he deserved.

“I know what I thought” he snapped, his eyes glazing over again.

“There is no greater terror than watching something you love fall right in front of your eyes” Kaz remarked, staring straight ahead.

“L-love?” Y/n asked, a small gasp escaping her lips.

He nodded once firmly, moving so his eyes were now staring into hers.

She knew he loved her but he hadn’t been able to say it before.

“I love you too Kaz. I’m here, you can breathe now” she calmly said, giving him a tender smile.

Kaz stared at her silently.

He needed to say it.

He wanted to say it.

He thought he had missed his chance before.

He couldn’t risk missing it again now that she was here.

This wasn’t how he thought he’d finally say it to her whenever he found the nerve to.

But, he supposed it was also kinda fitting for them.

“I do” he started, taking a deep inhale upon seeing her confusion, “I do ..love you.”

Her lips snapped up into a wide grin as she gazed lovingly back at him.

“I love you” Kaz repeated, more confidently this time.

She stood up beside his desk, setting her wrist out on his table again.

Kaz glanced at her before tugging off his gloves and gripping her wrist, fingers splayed crossed her pulse.

He closed his eyes as he fought the urge to puke.

But, as his fingers met her skin, her warmth and steady heartbeat under his fingertips was distraction enough.

And the fact it meant she was here and alive was rewarding and calming to him.

When he opened his eyes he saw she’d been switching between watching him and looking at the room.

Kaz instantly became aware of the state of his room.

He felt kiss cheeks warm faintly, “I’ll clean it up”.

She shook her head, tentatively reaching her fingers toward his forehead.

They had touched more than this before, but he was appreciative that she was cautious given everything that’d transpired the last week.

He wasn’t sure how he’d react either.

He nodded at her in approval and his heart fluttered warmly as she delicately pushed some stray hairs from his forehead.

For a few minutes they silently stared at each other, staying like that with her fingers minimally touching his forehead.

“I can’t imagine what you’ve been feeling Kaz” she told him sorrowfully.

Dirtyhands fought with him to stay silent, the way he’d done since the incident happened.

Yet, the fragmented pieces of Kaz Rietveld crawled their way through his walls and told him to open up to her.

He could see the look in her eyes and knew from the tone of her voice that she wanted to understand how he’d been since they last were together.

So, despite his reluctance, he let the pieces of his former self - the ones he thought had died with her-reignite.

“I wanted to scream” he began shyly.

“ I wanted to burst into tears, I wanted to die, but all I could do was stare at the wall in silence and drink” Kaz admitted, motioning to the bottles scattering the floor.

She hummed softly, moving her hand that was near his forehead to place it on top of his hand that had been resting in her other palm.

Kaz closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, but as she went to pull away, he pressed his other hand over hers silently to keep it in place.

When he reopened his eyes he lifted a hand up to cup her cheek, “you’re here”.

She moved closer, “I am. I’m here”.

Kaz gave her cheek a tender stroke with his thumb as he offered her a smile; the kind only she ever got to see.

“No more rooftops” Kaz said, abruptly pulling back and writing something on a piece of paper he grabbed from the floor.

Y/n smirked and rolled her eyes.

Normally she’d argue with him about his overprotective behavior, but she knew better.

She didn’t want to imagine how she’d have been if the roles were reversed.

So instead, she nodded slowly when he looked up at her waiting on her annoyed argument he expected.

He let out a soft sigh of relief and gave her a small nod before he resumed scribbling, “The heartrender was Lieke, you said?”

Y/n smiled and nodded, “Lieke Abspoel. Super nice, from the Little Palace. That’s all I’ve got. Nina probably has more information on her.”

Kaz nodded and made a note to have Zenik bring this heartrender to him later.

For now, he planned to let himself enjoy the moment.

Sensing he was staring at her as she looked around the room, y/n turned back to him.

Smiling softly she walked to the bookshelf across the room and grabbed the hard spine of a book.

Kaz only realized in that moment that when he’d been staring off at the wall, he has actually been staring at that particular book without realizing it.

When she sat on the ledge of his window perch, Kaz routinely joined her, taking the book from her hands.

As he read the title, he felt his face warm and he grinned faintly.

The book he’d been unknowingly staring at the whole time was her favorite book.

Of course it was.

Dirtyhands wanted to smack himself for the loving and soft thoughts floating through his mind right now, but Kaz didn’t care.

He was just glad he hasn’t an actually lost her.

After reading the first line, he abruptly stood up and placed the book down.

Y/n watched in confusion as he dragged his desk chair over to her.

With her nonverbal approval, Kaz tenderly lifted her leg up onto it.

He glanced from the injured leg to her face and she smiled reassuringly “she could only do so much, she said it’ll take another week or so to fully set, but it doesn’t hurt”.

“You shouldn’t have walked here “ Kaz told her, almost scolding her.

She shook her head, “I needed to see you, couldn’t have you thinking you should be moving on without me”.

His eyes snapped to hers and he gave her a firm stare even if she’d been teasing, he wasn’t, “that wouldn’t ever happen”.

She hummed softly and nodded.

He slowly rejoined her, opening the book and holding it just above her leg closest to him as he prepared to read to her.

While he knew things would likely return to normal in the coming weeks, he would always cherish this moment.

Kaz had his girl back.

And now, he knew of additional ways to keep her safe.

Including, perhaps hiring a second heartrender to be on call should the need arise.

Kaz Brekker Navigation/Masterlist

Six of Crows Navigation/Masterlist

Grishaverse Navigation/Masterlist

Freddy Carter Navigation/Masterlist

Main Navigation/Masterlist (All My Works)

Current tag list (comment here to added): @directioner5life @ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @brekkershadowsinger @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx

[lowcosmic]

—— because nothing compares to you .

— 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 : kokichi messed up , you’re temporarily gone , and he has to spend that time alone.

— 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 : angst & fluff ( hurt -> comfort )

— 𝙘𝙬 : mentions of bad eating , sleep deprivation , fighting , sad stuff ( but resolved with a happy ending )

— 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨 : the request was too long to fit on here , it’d make up the entire story itself.

↳ kokichi spun a pencil around with his fingers , mindlessly thinking about yesterday. he glanced over to your empty seat. maybe he was too harsh on you. you’d definitely come back tomorrow , right?

→ the day before , you’d fought with each other. or , more like kokichi was fuming at you and you were just listening. even if you did decide to speak , he’d just slam your words down and mix them up to be an accusation. he’d said some pretty bad stuff , and he thoroughly regretted them now that he was looking back.

→ and then he’d just left you there. he didn’t break up or anything , he just left the room with the tension still up in the air. he didn’t even apologize for all the things he said and couldn’t take back.

→ kokichi had been “ blinded by rage , ” and as he’s heard before , anger can make you say things you’ll regret.

→ right after class , he messaged you immediately. no response came , even after the twentieth time. then he gave up and went to your house instead.

→ sprinting to your house , he got reminded on how you’d , after every school day , offer to take him home instead of walking the way. his heart stung even more.

→ when he got there , he pounded on the door. realizing no one was home , he went to the neighbors instead. he refrained from knocking down their door to ask for answers , but he did knock rather hurriedly.

→ your neighbor came out , and kokichi quickly pushed the question he’d had lodged in his throat out. “ do you know where (s/o) is? ”

→ “ ahh — they left early in the morning to go on a trip. they’ll come back , as it’s only a well deserved vacation i’m presuming. ” as kokichi listened , he thought to himself , “ well … could be worse. was this … what they were trying to tell me yesterday? …

→ he would be okay. you would be okay. everything would be okay. he’d apologize and everything would be resolved. it just had to.

→ things were not going well the first few days. kokichi had grown self aware to everything you did for him ; from self care like eating proper meals and comfort of having someone to talk to who wouldn’t scorn him every time he walked past , to someone to help him stay energized by driving him home on your motorcycle or even just cuddling with him when he needed it. he missed you dearly.

→ even worse — what if something happened to you? you didn’t respond at all — what if something bad happened? did your plane crash? — no , if it had , he would’ve heard something about that. maybe you just lost your phone or … maybe you were simply ignoring him out of spite.

→ he felt sick , physically and mentally. he hadn’t eaten healthily due to the sick feeling he got whenever he ate , just because it reminded him of you and some of his last words to you before you left. what if you found someone better? he deserved to be dumped. you deserved better.

→ on day six , he was flat out broke. he never found any reason to get a job yet , mostly because you’d help him with purchases. he had a cold from walking in the rain to avoid paying to go home. he felt horrible.

→ unlike his usual character , he had trouble keeping up a devious persona everyday without you , as silly and weak as it sounded. where did that “ i can do everything by myself ” kokichi go? was he fully gone? he just wouldn’t , and couldn’t , accept that yet. he swore later that he’d become more independent , and not let you dote on him so much anymore.

→ homework and tests? forget it. he forgot it often because he was busy hanging out with his dice gang to soothe himself a bit , not that it helped tons. he also forgot because you’d be there to remind him. if it weren’t for his capable mind , he would’ve flunked — but thankfully , he’s kokichi.

→ and then there was the issue of not sleeping. his thoughts were muddled with you. he’d hug his pillow and blankets that still smelt of you from when you were there to stay over for a few days. he’d listen to some of your favorite music tracks. but it wasn’t the same without you.

→ he waited. and waited. and waited some more.

→ message after message he sent everyday , nothing went through. until …

ding! kokichi lifted himself up from his pillow with a jolt. you replied. pictures and descriptions of where you were , what you were doing , why some of the messages may have not gone through … a signal issue. suddenly , his phone began vibrating consistently due to a flooding of messages to him — all about your days and such. and at the end … over the days , kokichi had messaged you with apologies stacked on top of each other. and at the end , an apology of your own waited for him. it was stupid , whatever he argued with you on. he didn’t understand why you’d apologize over that. and once you video called him , he made sure to say that.

→ he’d hold in his crying , both in relief and overwhelming stress. and then he heard that you were home.

→ it was pouring out , but kokichi couldn’t care less. he was meeting with you , even if you had to unpack still. his feet splashed against the puddles , and as he arrived to your door , he knocked once again.

→ when you opened the door , he tackled you in a hug. you were both drenched now , but he felt so warm inside instead. ignoring your warnings about “ catching a cold from you , kokichi ” , he dragged you upstairs so that he could finally , properly hug you.

→ the next few days after that , he was clingy. but he told you he could do some things himself. and he did … for the most part , at least. but he tried.

→ forget about being partners or talking to anyone else the next few days without being interrupted , you’re sticking with kokichi.

please don’t repost , translate , or claim my works as your own.

[strawberrysodaslut]

may i request a joel miller fic pretty pretty please? 🥺🙏 maybe one where he has all these panic attacks and has no idea what is wrong with him but reader notices. at first she thinks like ellie: he’s having a heart attack but then realizes it’s not that and she uses the “5 things you can see” technique. obviously she doesn’t want to worry ellie or anything so every time she notices he’s having one of those panic attacks, she gently squeezes his hand a few times. the more it happens, the more joel feels “okay” about it and now, whenever he feels the fear creeping in, he looks for her and holds her hand for a bit because it grounds him 🥲 thank you 💕

Breathe - Joel Miller x GN!Reader

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

[main masterlist]

[joel miller masterlist]

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word count: 2.2k

summary: when joel has his first panic attack, he relies on you to calm him down.

warnings: hurt to comfort, angst, completely SFW, panic attacks/anxiety, mentions of death, guns, no use of y/n and no pronouns directed at reader (i believe), mentions of a heart attack, might not be 100% medically accurate pls don’t use fanfiction as education especially in regards to health, reader kisses joel on the face but that can be either platonic or romantic depending on what you want

authors note: this was supposed to be a blurb… whatever i love it. this request was so cute i loved it, i wish someone was there to help joel though this so bad… also i am so excited to watch ep 7. it’s out now but i’m not watching it until later tonight and i CANT WAIT.

join taglist

❛ ━━━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫･━━━━━━━━━ ❜

The first time Joel had a panic attack, he swore he was dying.

He was standing watch while you and Ellie slept, sleeping bags huddled next to each other. His eyes trained on the hand you had resting on Ellie’s head. Fingers in between her hair as if you were stroking her, but it was perfectly still. A smile crossed his face. Even when you were sleeping, you still cared for Ellie.

Your hand drops slightly as Ellie stirs, rolling over in her sleep, but she subconsciously wraps her arms around your own, as if it’s her own personal teddy bear. He sighed, watching the silent bond between you two. Even unconscious, you were so kind, so caring. He wasn’t that. He’d made sure you knew, but you didn’t believe him. You made sure he knew that, too.

The peacefulness of the moment was rare, so rare it felt off putting to him. But it was a reminder to him of what he was protecting. The burdens he bore would be worth it to keep these moments. Even if it was only during sleep.

But those peaceful moments were not only rare, they were painstakingly fast.

A loud creak filled the small cave you had settled in, not loud enough to wake you, but loud enough to snap Joel out of any softness he was feeling. He couldn’t be soft, couldn’t afford it. Softness is weak. And him being weak means you and Ellie dead.

Gun in hand, Joel trudged his way out of the cave. He listened out for any clues to the source of the noise. It’s quiet now, but whatever made that sound is still there, he’s sure of it, and it’s his job to change that. He made his way around the trees, praying that even his deaf ear can pick up on any noises necessary.

Gun in hand, Joel trudged his way out of the cave. He listened out for any clues to the source of the noise. It’s quiet now, but whatever made that sound is still there, he’s sure of it, and it’s his job to change that. He made his way around the trees, praying that even his deaf ear can pick up on any noises necessary.

Gun in hand, Joel trudged his way out of the cave. He listened out for any clues to the source of the noise. It’s quiet now, but whatever made that sound is still there, he’s sure of it, and it’s his job to change that. He made his way around the trees, praying that even his deaf ear can pick up on any noises necessary.

It’s not long until he reached a creek, the rush of the water distracting him from other noises. It’s only then that Joel realised how thirsty he actually was, his throat growing drier as he looks at the water below him. He knows realistically he shouldn’t, but he can’t help but reach into the creek, scooping up the water into the cup of his hands and pouring it into his mouth, he sighs in relief as the cool liquid runs down his throat, feeling some relief.

Now, Joel may be deaf, but he’s able to hear the crunch of leaves from behind him.

He whips around, pointing his gun directly at the source of the sound, ready to protect Ellie, you, and himself from any harm coming from whatever is coming towards him. His eyes drop to find a small animal with two big ears and a lot of fluff… “Jesus Christ,” He mutters, lifting his hand to cover his mouth and swearing under his breath.

It’s a fucking rabbit.

Joel shakes his head in disbelief, staring down at the rabbit as it cautiously hops past him towards the creek, clearly looking to get its own hydration. He’s about to laugh to himself when he hears the same creak from earlier. Howver this time it’s much, much further from where he is. It’s where you and Ellie are.

His feet travel before he can even process what’s happening, fighting his joints to go faster as he goes uphill towards the cave. He’s desperate to get to you, having to stop himself from calling out in case that alerts anything else to your position. He can only hope he gets to you fast enough.

He only stops running once he gets to the cave’s entrance, finding you and Ellie asleep in the same position you were in when he left, unbothered by whatever the noise was. He stepped back outside the cave, listening out for anything that could’ve made that noise. A gush of wind comes through. It’s so strong that the trees are moving quite far, some rubbing on each other.

Wait…

Oh.

It’s the trees.

Joel sighs, but you being safe doesn’t bring him much relief. He looks back, and the two of you are dead to the world. That hadn’t been something dangerous, but it could’ve been. And you would’ve been sitting ducks. He wouldn’t have gotten there fast enough, he knew that. He was too slow. By the time he got to you, it would’ve been too late. You and Ellie would be gone.

His chest tightens.

You would be killed, or worse. God, you’d be so scared. All he can picture is the look on your and Ellie’s faces when you realise you were wrong to trust him, that he couldn’t keep you safe. That all those times he saved you he got lucky, they were flukes. He wasn’t any good at this. He’d gotten you killed.

He’s gonna get the both of you killed.

And he’s gonna be alone again.

His vision blurs as pain strikes him in the chest. He nearly doubles over, gripping to the rock of the cave for support. Breathing has no longer become an option. He gasps for breath, clutching his front.

Joel’s mind races. Is he dying? Is this it? No, he can’t be dying. He can’t leave the two of you alone.

Is Ellie going to find his body?

Tears roll down his face as he tries to stand, but it’s to no avail, only leading him to sink further into the ground, hunched over. A mixture of sobs and gasps for breath pours out of his mouth, begging for something- but he’s not sure what.

He jumps when he feels a weight on his shoulder, going to launch back, but whatever it is holding him keeps him steady. The surrounding sounds might be muffled, but he can still recognise your voice in the blur.

“Joel? Can you hear me? Joel?” You say, your voice just above a whisper, desperate to not wake up Ellie. “I need you to tell me, does it hurt here?” You say, guiding your hand to his left arm and squeezing, unable to hide the tremble in your voice as you do so.

Joel shakes his head, scrunching his nose. He can feel your body relax where you’re pressed behind him. “What’s- what’s happening to- me?” He wheezes, unable to catch enough breath to speak properly.

“It’s okay, you’re having a panic attack, you’re not dying.” You whisper, your voice much calmer now. You know he’s going to be fine. It’s now your job to calm him down. “Joel, can you tell me five things can see?” You ask, rubbing circles into his shoulder with your thumb.

Joel grunts, “Can I what?” He asks, his voice nearly unrecognisable from his normal tone.

“I’m just checking your eyesight.” You lie, knowing he wouldn’t be on board if you told him the real reason.

Joel’s head finally lifts from looking at the floor. He looks around slightly. “The- the trees.” He says in between his fights for breath.

You nod your head, muttering praise as you use the other hand to stroke his hair. “What else?” You ask.

“Uh- the- the grass, and the sky. The cave and- and you.” He turns his head slightly to look at your hand. His voice is shaking, matching how he trembles under you, his chest rising every half a second as he tries to breathe.

A sigh escapes from you as rest your forehead on the crook of his neck, fighting back your own tears as you try to guide him. “Doing so good Joel, how about four things you can feel?”

Joel’s hand quickly finds your arm, gripping it like a vice. His breathing has slowed down a little, but it’s nowhere near where it needs to be. “I can feel you.” He says, relaxing slightly into your touch. “I can feel my trousers, uh- the- the floor, and- my gun.” He says, alerting you to the rifle placed just at his side.

A part of you wants to move it, knowing how accidents can happen, but you worry that if you try, he’ll only get more freaked out. Joel’s gun is like his security blanket, it’d be too big of a risk to take it off of him now, leaving him more vulnerable than he already is.

“That’s great, Joel. How about hearing? Can you give me three things you can hear?” You ask, trying to keep your voice as gentle as possible, matching the tone you would use when approaching an animal.

Joel grumbles, “I’m fucking deaf.” He mutters, his voice losing some of the shakiness it had before.

A bubble of laughter forms in your chest at his words, but you don’t let it come out, opting for muttering ‘Just do your best’ instead.

His sobs quieten down as he tries to listen out for any noise, just as he does, another gush of wind blows, the trees making the same noise that started all of this. “The creaking of-of the trees.” He looks up at the trees, how they blow in the wind. His ears then focus on the light bubbling in the creek. He can hear it all the way up here. You whisper more praises into his ears, leading him to list your voice as the third thing.

You chuckle, your smile sitting on his skin like an anchor to him, making a smile of his own form. His breaths have almost completely evened out, but you continue. “What about two things you can smell?” You whisper, your hand finding his and funnelling through his fingers to hold.

Joel chuckles before he speaks. “Us. One, two.” He jokes, head leaning back against your body as he spoke. You can’t help but choke out a laugh and shake your head where it sits.

“Fair point.” Your smile pokes out as you speak. “One more, okay? What can you taste?” You ask, lifting your head from his neck and tilting it to get a look at his face. Even in the dark, you can see the streaks on his cheeks from his tears, one loose on rolling down. You take your free hand and wipe it away.

He pauses when you do so before looking back at you. “Creek.” He says, swallowing as he speaks.

Your brows furrow, wondering what he means. “Creek?” You repeat, making sure you heard him right. How can his mouth taste like creek?

Joel nods. “I drank some water from the creak earlier, felt good at the time, but now my mouth tastes like shit.” He says, nose scrunching as he focuses on the muddy flavour of his mouth, only slightly regretting the decision.

He revels in the laughter you release, still keeping quiet as to not wake up Ellie, but it’s a sound of pure joy. Your laughter slows down and you look at him again, the same care in your eyes as when you care for Ellie, so much warmth. “How are you feeling?” You ask, a pursed smile forming on your lips.

After a moment of thinking, Joel speaks, “I feel fine.” He says. Not missing the look of annoyance on your face when he says that, thinking that he’s just deflecting. “I mean it. I’m feelin’ much better now. That was… it was scary, but I’m okay now.”

You nod, telling him that if he ever feels that way again to come straight to you, and he did.

For the first time in however long you’ve known him, he actually listened to what you had to say. He was always careful about it. Ellie never found out what happened that night and he didn’t want to scare her.

So, whenever he felt an attack coming on, he’d wander over to you and slip his hand into yours, squeezing a few times to let you know what was going on.

In response, you would repeat the exact things you did that night, squeezing five times for him to count what he sees, then four, then three and all the way down to one. Sometimes it didn’t work immediately, and you would have to do some breathing exercises, but his episodes became much easier to manage when you were around.

It became pretty easy for you to figure out exactly what the cause of most of his panic attacks was. You couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt when you realised it was partly you. You fretted for a few days, trying to make sure that Joel knew you could take care of yourself. However, you quickly learned that this was just how Joel is, the eternal protector.

A few months after that night, you had learnt Joel was hiding his attacks from you at nighttime. He didn’t want to wake you up. You had woken up on your own accord to him trying to count the things on his own but still barely working.

After how much you had calmed him down, it was basically instinct to go over and slip into his sleeping bag. You held him as you helped him through the tail end of calming himself down.

Once he had calmed down, you pressed a small kiss to the spot just under his ear. You then made him promise that if he ever needed you, he’d wake you up. Just like he made you promise you’d do a long time ago.

Because while he made it his job to protect you, it was your job to protect him.

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[reallyromealone]

So like

I made a fic

It's not a reader fic but instead about my twisted wonderland oc that's the vorpal blade and I'm proud of this so yeah, this is new for me so please be gentle

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

Deep within the woods surrounding the Night Raven College shrouded by ivy and plant life stood a sword. A soft glow radiated off the pearlescent sword, the longsword handle made of a silver-like metal twisted like roses and vines. Students didn't know what the sword was, and no one was able to release it from its prison from the stone it was stabbed in no matter the strength or the magic; it stood in its lonesome amongst the trees and the leaves.

"Please help me get a good grade on this test!" A student would beg for the sword, leaving an offering to the blade for fortune in their studies.

It was a school ritual of sorts, those daring to go through the woods to find the sword and hope it granted their wish of good grades or a confession of sorts.

And sometimes the sword granted it.

No one knew where the sword came from, what it was named, or who it belonged to but many theorized it was from the battle that created the Night Raven Academy, a bloodbath that took two centuries to heal both sides. "Why are you praying to some sword? Studying is all you need to pass!" Riddle grumbled as he and Carter went to this sword "This sword works! Not just in classes but occasionally with day-to-day!"

"Isn't that cheating?" Riddle glared and the other chuckled "Nah, it's only sometimes it works..." Maybe it was a placebo effect or maybe it worked but students liked to feel it had magic, it wouldn't be out of the realm after all. Riddle stared at the sword curiously, it seemed familiar, something heed seen before...

...but where?

Riddle didn't think of the sword much after that, his classes were his priority after all, and some sword in the woods didn't matter much to him. "Yes!" Carter seemed excited as he had a surprisingly high test score, he was pretty average in grades so it was something out of the ordinary "Told ya that sword was real!" He boasted as he leaned in his chair. It was late as Riddle looked through books in the library, skimming and searching for anything of use, he had seen this sword before!

Countless books stacked around him, looking for anything and everything... Then he found a book, old and dusty with red engravings on a grey binding "The Collapse of the Country of Roses" he was exhausted... But he will give this book a go he supposed... The candle was flickering as he looked through the pages, the grandfather clock ringing three, he should be asleep but he couldn't...

"The white Queen then cast a spell onto her general, once the man turned back into the... vorpal blade"

There it was.

The sword.

He knew of the vorpal blade, it was something every child in the queendom of hearts knew about... A sword so powerful it could slay the strongest of foes... When swung it sounded like singing...

He didn't care that it was the dead of night, trudging to the sword that glowed in the moonlight, the wind causing it to ring ever so slightly "So you are real..." Riddle couldn't believe it but here it was, just like the pictures...

Riddle did more research, days and nights between classes and club activities, he didn't know why he was so fixated on the sword...

He just wanted to know... What curse was placed?

"Oh it was a forbidden curse, old fae magic that we banned a few millennia ago" Riddle jolted as he looked to see Lilia hovering over him as he stared at the vorpal blade on the old book with a knowing look "the white Queen did it, did you know that? He didn't deserve it"

Wait...

"Did... You know him?" Riddle knew Lilia was old... But... How old was he?

"I did... He was quite a nice...person?" Lilia didn't know he could describe the other as a person, he was technically a person... But he was also a magic sword...

"Do you know how to free him?"

Lilia was quiet "I'm not sure...let's ask Headmaster Crowley"

the two speed walked to the headmaster, students looking curious as these two never really hung out like this, the two holding Riddle's research close as the sound of their feet tapped against their feet, by the sevens why did this school have to be so big?! They finally reached the headmaster's door, grand and imposing as usual, knocking twice as the door creaked open with magic no doubt "My my, don't you two look out of breath~" Crowley teased as he sipped his tea "Why are you two coming to my office in such a flurry? Is the world ending in such a hurry?"

"We have reason to believe the vorpal blade is on campus"

This caught the man (?) Attention as he set his tea down "Do you have your evidence to prove this claim?"

Riddle set all his evidence on the table and let the headmaster look through "This exact blade is in the enchanted woods in the exact way the story says, it grants wishes and when the wind hits it, it sings" Riddle said seriously and Crowley's face no longer held that playfulness, serious etched behind the mask he wore "let me see this sword"

Crowley, Vargas, and Crewel accompanied the students as they went to the sword, the two showing them the sword that had ivy growing on its side and Lilia felt sick.

This was the sword.

This was Rovina.

"Rovina..."

"You two knew each other right?" Lilia nodded as he gently touched the blade "his signature spell was vorpal glory... He summoned this exact sword... He was a great general you know? Served the white Queen right down to the last moment..."

"How do we free this... Sword?" Vargas looked confused as he stared at the glowing blade, it was the vorpal blade "Maybe we take it out so we can examine it further?" Crewel said casually and Riddle walked to the blade and grabbed its handle, a wave of familiarity washed over him as he pulled it out.

A white glow overtook their vision, the sword transforming... Into a man?

On his knees, skin pale as the moon, and long strands of ivory hair were Rovina, the vorpal blade. His toga was an off white and the gold accents of his jewelry made him look almost angelic, the golden coronet on his head acting as a halo "holy shit" was all Vargas could muster as Crowley felt something bubble inside of him, a smug pride knowing that this would infuriate the royal swords academy.

"My my, why don't we get you inside yes?"

[dez78]

Anti-Hero

----------------

Fandom: Skyrim

Pairings: Taliesin x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Hurt to comfort

Summary: You have conflicting feelings and confide in your traveling partner, Taliesin.

---------------

Taliesin was worried sick about you, he woke up and you were gone. You'd be traveling together for months now and you two had grown close.

Taliesin searched restlessly on the Lakeview Manor property. You were nowhere to be found. He hurried down to the lake, he knew that was one of your favorite places to be alone.

Masser and Secunda lit his way through the thick trees. He pushed branches out of the way, no sounds, but his ragged breathing and fast paced heartbeat.

He finally made it down to the lake, the moons reflected off the still water. Making it shine. The water made soft reverberations as light waves brushed the shore. Taliesin walked along the water, searching for any sign of you.

Finally, Taliesin spotted you, he sighed a breath of relief. You were sitting out of sight under the Lady Stone. He made his way across the makeshift bridge; you had made months ago.

The Altmer sat with you in the tall, lush grass. You picked at the vibrant flowers. Seemingly, not noticing his presence. He was quiet for a while, just watching you.

The air around you felt off, he felt a wave of something unfamiliar looming off your person.

"I'm no hero." You finally spoke to him. He cocked his brow perplexed.

"What do you mean?" He questioned, clearly caught off guard.

"Of course, you are, you've helped countless people. You've done things no one else would have done." Taliesin explained calmly. You shook your head.

"It's exhausting Tally. I'm an anti-hero. I'm struggling with my own problems. I only help people because it benefits me. I know it's a terrible way to feel, but it's who I am." You replied with a dry mouth.

"How long until you abandon me because you're tired of my shit?" You asked, looking at Taliesin, really looking at him. Searching his face for a response.

"Never, I'm with you always. We may not have seen eye to eye when we met, but I've definitely come to care about you. I would never abandon you. I promise you that." Taliesin answered, honestly.

"I fear that you'll leave me one day. I'll have no control over it as you walk away from me because you're exhausted." You tried defending your reasons and consulted.

"I can't be left alone." You were starting to get hysterical now. Tears started to rush from your beautiful eyes. Taliesin inhaled sharply.

"Honestly, I have a fear of abandonment too. Growing up, I always feared my father would toss me in the streets and leave me behind. In a way, the Thalmor abandon me too. Even though I left, they wanted me to die for their bidding." Taliesin started. You only listened to him.

"When we first started traveling together, I thought you'd leave me behind after a week, but you surprised me. Now we've known each other for four months and I like to think we're friends. Nothing scares me more now than to lose you." Taliesin finally poured his feelings out to you.

Hearing his fears, made you realize, you had more in common than you thought.

"If you don't believe me, then believe me when I say. I care about you, Y/N, I have for months now. I promise, no matter what happens, you're stuck with me. I will never abandon you. You're not a bad person and even if you don't think you are a hero, you are to me and a lot of the people of Skyrim." Taliesin explained. He rested his hand on your leg.

You looked up at him, he was smiling softly at you. That genuine, kind smile, that he only wore for you. You felt your cheeks heat up and your heart raced.

Suddenly, you felt a pull. You let it happen and realized, Taliesin was pulling you into a hug. You melted into his arms and let it happen naturally. You smiled widely and nuzzled into his clothes. His scent brought you comfort.

The grip of his arms was just right, it wasn't making you feel suffocated, but safe. It was comfortable and it felt so good. You never got hugs and now that you have them, you never want to go without them ever again, so long as Taliesin was the one providing them.

You completely relaxed in his arms and let yourself go. You ended up falling asleep across Taliesin's lap and he let you. Brushing your hair from your face and watching your chest rise and fall softly.

When it was time, Taliesin carried you back to Lakeview Manor and laid you in bed, cuddling you for the rest of the night.

[phantombstone]

HEALING TOUCH | DOTTORE X READER

When you're tired, all you could hope for is to melt into your loved one's arms and to feel all their warmth. It's not good to feel like this, but their touch is healing - and you gladly welcome it.

Genre: Fluff, hurt to comfort.

TW: Spoilers of the character of Dottore (his real name).

WC: 728.

Your heavy steps resonated through the corridors of the building, your figure not even able to stand properly. Everything was so gloomy and blue, so hard and unbearable.

"Why does it have to be like this?", you kept thinking, heading to the only place your mind would let you go to, to the only place it wanted you to be in that moment.

"Zandik?", you called for him, as you saw him bent over the table in his laboratory.

"What?", he muttered, without taking his eyes off the experiment he was working on. Nothing extremely important, it seemed, just a minor test on the reaction of different substances mixed together.

"Zan?". Your voice slightly cracked.

He looked up at you, his slim figure covered in a lab coat. He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to understand the problem - or, to put it better, he analyzed your expression trying to decipher your thoughts. There was a hint of worry in his eyes.

"YN? What's up?". He placed the tools he was holding on the counter surface and took off his gloves quickly, still looking at you.

"I-... I think I need a hug", you said, sounding so unsure and so in pain. Your voice cracked a little bit more.

He got closer to you and hugged your stiff body. An unusual behaviour from him, completely in contrast with his habitually skeptical and short tempered demeanor, but you accepted it anyway - of course. How could you not welcome his rare gestures of pure affection?

You could feel his hands move slowly to caress your back, trying to comfort you.

"What happened? Did someone hurt you?", he asked, hinting with his tone that he would've avenged you if that was the case.

You told him everything, and he listened carefully. He didn't say much, but his hands were constantly moving up and down your back slowly, and up and down your hair.

Your cheek and ear were pressed on his chest, and you could feel his heart regularly beat into his rib cage. It soothed you, a sweet lullaby taking care of your mind in torment.

He called for one of his segments and ordered him to tidy up his lab. The clone huffed but did as he was told anyway, giving you a curious yet preoccupied look as he walks right next to you. He must have trusted the man at your side, because he asked nothing and left you in his care.

Zandik took you out of the lab and into a private room, bright and calm enough to prevent you from feeling even worse. He never stopped holding you hand, not even once.

You were silent, and so was him. Maybe he knew that no words were needed in that moment.

He sat down on the sofa and gestured you to follow him, which you did almost immediately.

He was still wearing his lab coat, you noticed. You always thought it suited him, and liked to see him like that. His hair was messy, and his light blue locks were pointing in every direction. His eyes, instead, were looking at you, patiently waiting for any tipe of reaction from you, of course still analyzing your essence.

You moved your body closer to his and leaned on him, and he understood. He placed his arm behind your shoulders and then it around your waist, still holding your hand, in a sort of chaste hug.

He didn't care about the time passing, nor did you.

"Is there anything else you want to say?", he asked in a serious but sweet tone. You shook your head silently, and he nodded.

"The offer is always valid, you can talk to me whenever you want and I'll listen - even debate if your question or affirmation is stupid enough", he said, joking on the last part, and you smiled a little.

You put your head on his shoulder and your legs over his, and stayed there, taking in all the warmth coming from Zandik's body you could - we all know how cold it is in Snezhnaya.

He covered your shoulders with part of his coat and leaned with his back against the sofa, taking you with him. He caressed your hair and you relaxed under his touch, your muscles loosening.

You hugged his bust and slowly drifted off asleep, him following you not long after.

[valyrou]

hi, i asked this to someone else but got ignored so- could you write a vance hopper x reader where the reader works at the grab n’ go and was best friends with vance (probably a secret mutual crush) but then vance gets kidnapped and the reader reminisces by the pinball machine (maybe happy ending where none of the kids got killed and the reader reunites with vance)

A/n: shame on the person that ignored you! (Jkjk) It’s such a good request!!

So we all know vance is a Hard Ass, so instead of ‚failing‘ to kill the grabber he actually did kill him ;)

Hurt to comfort Vance x Gn!Reader

Warnings: kidnapping, mention of injuries, cursing, typical Vance behavior (let me know if there’s anything else)

Here with you

The grab n‘ go store was always packed in the Summer times. You liked and hated it at the same time. You liked it because a lot of cash would fly in the register but hated it because sometimes some boys and girls tried hitting on you or started a fight. If you had to guess around this time of the year you would have to call the police at least 5 times.

The actual good thing was, that Vance was always around. He would always play with that pinball machine and sometimes you would sneak some snacks to him. He was a weird one because you couldn’t tell if he liked it or if he hated you sneaking snacks to him. He would often say „what the Fuck is this shit, you think I’m poor??!“ but he would still take it.

Over the time you came to realize that it was the nature of the curly haired boy to always seem tough and rude, so everytime he‘d curse at you, you took it as a thank you wrapped in insults. To your surprise the two of you somehow got close to each other.

Vance started to stay after the store had to close, or your shift ended and walk you home. You started to believe that he did it on purpose to get close to you, but when you brought it up to him he immediately got defensive and say stuff like „As if I’d want to get ‚close‘ to some freak like you! Dream on dickhead“ and storm off.

He didn’t talk to you for a week until you apologized for it. Nonetheless, you knew that something was up because every time a boy would try and hit on you, he‘d be there to fuck them up saying „they‘re just some fucking Bully, they just want to fuck with you idiot“ even tho you thought it was brutal and overprotective, it was somehow still sweet of him to care for you like that.

Until one sunny evening when you just got off of work and didn’t see Vance waiting for you Infront of the store. It was unusual since he would wait for you, but you just brushed it off thinking that he had something important to do. You walked home yourself and noticed a black van in the street. It creeped you out and you wanted to turn the other way and avoid that creepy van until you heard yelling coming from it.

You immediately knew whos voice that was and didn’t think twice. You ran in record time to that van and saw a struggling Vance trying to break free from some middle aged man. You looked around for a weapon but couldn’t find anything, so you decided to just throw yourself in the fight.

„LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU PERV!“ you screamed while running full speed at the stranger and tackling him in the side. The unknown man yelped but wasn’t affected to much and just kicked you in the guts making you fall to your knees coughing. Vance cocked his head back, hitting the kidnappers nose who then dropped him.

You scrumbled to your feet, Vance tried to get to you but was yanked back. The stranger sprayed something in his mouth as he tried to scream and you could see how Vance body fell limp in just mere seconds. Vance was roughly thrown in the back of the van and you tried to throw a punch at the middle aged man. He caught your fist and roughly twisted your arm „Fucking kids“ he swung and hit your face so hard that it knocked you out asap. He just dropped you on the pavement and drove off as quick as he could.

When you woke up you were at the hospital. Your memories were poor and all you could remember was Vance getting thrown in a van. You couldn’t remember where it happened, how the kidnapper looked like or what the van looked like. You had a really bad concussion and a sprained arm. You felt awful for not being able to help Vance..

You were advised to stay home and rest, but the thought of doing nothing was unbearable so you went to the only place you know you made good memories with. The grab n‘ go store.

You actually got the owner to make the pinball machine inaccessible, so Vance could play where he had left his Highscore at. If he ever came back.. the owner respected you a lot and even let you stay longer at the store. Even after closing time, you would sit on the floor next to the pinball machine and wait.. you didn’t know what you waited for.. maybe for Vance to show up? Maybe you just wanted to drown yourself in pity? You didn’t know anymore

Every passing hour you grew more anxious about him. You had to admit, Vance was a huge asshole, but he was your asshole. He was your protector, maybe not guardian angel but guardian devil for sure. If only you knew in what distress Vance was down in the basement. He thought the grabber did something to you.. something far more horrible than kidnapping.

Maybe the thought of not knowing if you were okay gave him the strength he needed to kill that kidnapping bastard. And he did. Oh Vance killed that perverted old man with a smirk on his face. He was alive, but that didn’t matter to him. What mattered to him was, if you were okay.

He always tried to be distant to you, but he just couldn’t help himself falling for you. When he saw you trying to save him back when he got kidnapped, that was when he finally admitted his feelings to himself..

You thought your heart stopped when the police reported that Vance hopper was found alive and well in a neighborhood not far from yours. You heard everything they said but couldn’t register it in your head, you just hurriedly threw on some shoes and ran to Vances house.

When he opened the door you froze up, taking all his features in. He had a bruise here and there and a few patched up wounds but he looked fine. Before he could even say a word, you jumped into his arms hugging him tight. You were sure he would try to push you away and throw some insulting things at you, but to your surprise he hugged you back in the most soft and gentle way you could have ever imagined.

Just after feeling his touch you couldn’t hold back anymore and every tear you had bravely held back the days he was gone flooded over your cheeks like a river, and he was there. Vance was there to comfort you without saying a word. Without making fun of your pathetic tears „Vance!“ you cried out, sobbing into his shoulder „I thought I lost you“ you felt as if your tears wouldn’t stop rolling down your face

„I‘m fine y/n… I‘m here with you“ he said. That was the first time he ever said your name and when he did, you couldn’t stop your face from flushing into a deep red „I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.. I tried I really did-“ you ranted but he shut you up by just pulling you tighter to his chest „just shut up.. I know you tried your best“ he said. It was weird hearing him sound so genuine.. so calm.

You didn’t say anything and just stood in his arms, embracing each other „I like you y/n“ that hit you unexpected „are you okay vance? Did you hit your head?“ you looked up to look him in the face but he just scoffed. He was about to let go of you, when you hold on tight „I‘m just kidding!“ you chuckled „I like you too“ you smiled sheepishly „good because it would have been fucking embarrassing if you didn’t“ he said. You both started chuckling. You were glad he was ok.. And he thought the same