#shared grief

[spicywarl0ck]

Happy Friday! How about, “Its okay, I couldn’t sleep anyway.” for Leliana/Josephine 👀👀👀

Happy Friday, and thank you for the prompt <3 @dadrunkwriting Pairing: Leliana/Josephine Length: 847 Rating: T *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* *~* It was a quiet night in Skyhold. Or well, as it could be in a Stronghold inhabiting so many souls. 

For example, she heard the footsteps of the armed, patrolling soldiers echoing in the darkness; and heard the flickering of the lit-up fireplaces and torches as they burned to spread their light. But also, she heard the Raven’s cawing in the Rotunda, their wings flapping in their creaking cages while the wind whistled through every crack in the walls.

And there were quite many cracks, maybe too many if someone came to ask her.

Josephine Montilyet had lived in a few places before, and of course, she knew that swapping the Court of Antiva to follow the request of her very dear friend would come with a price. Yet, she hadn’t really expected to end up in a run-down castle, laying hidden atop the Frostback mountains and right between the borders of Orlais and Ferelden.

It wasn’t a place she would call charming but… she needed to acknowledge that it was safer than being buried underneath the top of a mountain, her heart still grieving for the many souls that lost their lives in Haven. Or at least… what remained of it.

She still wrote letters to the families and close ones, knowing that a few words, written on a parchment could not ease the pain. And yet… she had to try at least, not minding that the task kept her up for longer.

Her feet passed the Rotunda on her way to her quarters, pausing mids step when she heard the faintest whisper, followed by the flap of wings as one of Leliana’s Ravens hurried away into the night.

It seemed as if she wasn’t the only person still awake.

Slowly she walked into the Rotunda, the scent of old books in the air when she passed it, climbing up the stairs until she reached the Rookerie. It seemed as if both Solas and Dorian had gone to bed already, leaving the red-haired agent alone with her birds in the tower.

A smile crept up her face when she could gaze at the face of her friend, her hair falling into her pale face, and the hood she usually wore taken down. It made her appear a bit younger than she was, though the shadows underneath her eyes indicated that she hadn’t caught much sleep lately either.

Possibly ever since the Divine’s Death.

“Josie!” Leliana turned in surprise, her ears were obviously as sharp as ever beside the tiredness she must have felt. “I thought I could something rustling up the stairs, but I wouldn’t have thought it would be you roaming around.”

“I am sorry for disturbing you so late…” The antivian ambassador started, only to be hushed by a soft gesture.

“It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway. So I thought… I could stay up here just as well, send out another Raven.” She hummed in thought, the two of them standing in quietness for a few heartbeats.

“So, how have you settled in?” Leliana was the one breaking it, her tired eyes resting on her. They didn’t have much of a chance to talk yet, since they moved to Skyhold, their duties having kept them busy on both ends. Of course, they had met in the war room, but their encounters had only been brief and focused.

“It certainly was a lot at first. Skyhold wasn’t in a very good shape when we arrived.” Josephine sighed. “There are still so many reparations needed, and so many potential allies I need to contact. Then there is the matter with the Empress of course…”

“Josie… What you need is a relaxed night. You can’t work all the time” Leliana reprimanded her, making Josephine chuckle when she cocked her head. 

“But so do you.” she pointed out. “How many nights have you spent up here?”

“A few…” Leliana’s words came out in short, followed by a sigh on her own. “Maybe… we could both take a break, after all. Haven…. has been a lot,” she added, the pang of guilt obvious on her face and in her voice. 

Josephine knew that Leliana took the events of Haven deeply. They all did of course and yet… she knew that Leliana and the Commander might have the worst share of it.

That was why Josephine reached out to her gently, her hand softly touching the forearm of the agent, and council member.

“How about we take a bath then? I was told that there are ancient elven baths in the basement. They are supposed to run still, an old enchantment according to the mages.” Josephine hadn’t been able to take a decent bath in ages, and she could only guess when Leliana had taken one.

“Why not? I still have a bottle of antivian Wine stored somewhere too. I kept it around for you.” Leliana’s lips curled into a smile, a blush creeping up on Josephine’s cheeks as she stared at her for just another moment until she pried herself away with a soft cough.

“Well, shall we then?”

[petrichara]

Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.

[fellas-is-it]

got tired of all depressing and hating yourself for being aro vibes on legit any other platform besides tumblr (looking at you tictac app) so wanted to listen to positive aromantic playlists and legit could NOT FIND ANY??????

And the ones that were vaguely positive were made for aroace ppl. Which is great! But im not ace!!! So WHERE'S MY POSITIVE AROALLO REP?!?!?!

Anyways i solved this hyperspecific problem myself and made a POSITIVE AROALLO playlist:

Larger image of the playlist cover i made

[yogurthoopsart]

The concept of "the lamb actually legitimately hates the bishops" and "the lamb didn't know that saving them from purgatory meant they'd be joining their cult" is really funny to me. What do you mean I'm suddenly the boss of the guy who killed my family.

[dirtytransmasc]

if they don't give Helaena one scene that doesn't strip her of her agency or just treat her like fodder, I'm gonna scream. if they don't give Helaena one scene with her dragon, I'm gonna scream. if they don't give Helaena one, better yet, multiple, scenes with Aegon, her brother, her husband, the father of her children, I'm gonna scream.

[tainebot01]

So… how we feeling about these new names?

[natalievoncatte]

Kara’s phone skittered across the table, and she looked away from the movie. Alex was with her on the couch and they had a box of cheap rosé and were watching Mean Girls, Alex’s pick. They hadn’t had a sisters night in ages, and Kelly had Esme with her and was visiting James for the weekend; Alex had stayed behind to keep an eye on things with J’onn and Kara.

Kara’s phone was supposed to be off, but she couldn’t help herself. Alex scowled at her as she reached for it.

“Kara,” she muttered, “you deserve a night off.”

“I have it on Do Not Disturb. It’ll only go off if it’s one of my favorites calling.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Knowing you, that’s everyone you know.

“It’s actually just you and Lena,” Kara said, absently.

Alex looked at he enigmatically. There was a knowing in her eyes that made Kara feel a little hot and a little squeezed, paranoid that Alex observed something she had not.

It was a series of texts, not a call.

Kara, can you come over?

Nvm you must be with Alex

But if you do the balcony door is open

It’s not important I just need to see you

Kara bit her lip.

“What did Lena say?”

Kara glanced up. “I didn’t say it was Lena.”

Alex stared at her, and Kara squirmed a little. There as a hint of a smile but a touch of sadness in her eyes, and she let out a little sigh.

“She said it’s not important but she needs to see me.”

Alex sighed. “You should go.”

“She said it’s not important,” said Kara.

“But she said she needs to see you. You won’t be able to relax all night until you know why. You can go. I’m going to crash here, I’m not driving. Go, Kara.”

Kara nodded and stood, wondering why her palms were sweaty. She put on her suit and stepped into the air, making a brisk but calm flight to Lena’s place, making sure not to create any sonic booms.

When she lighted on the balcony it was indeed open. Kara paused and listened, locking on the steady beat of Lena’s heart and breathing. She was in her bedroom.

Passing through the dark penthouse, Kara found Lena in the bed, curled up in a nest of blankets and pillows. She was wearing an oversized hoodie with her hands tucked up in the sleeves and had a box of tissues near her head. When she looked up, Kara realized she was wearing a battered and threadbare Midvale High Mathletes Club sweatshirt that was two sizes too big for her, because it was actually Kara’s.

Kara moved to the side of the bed. “Lena? What’s wrong?”

Lena didn’t meet her gaze. “I’m fine. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you at sister night.”

“You should have been at sister night.”

There as a curious look in Lena’s big, soft eyes, at once warm and heartbroken, like she’s both gained and lost in a single moment.

“I couldn’t tonight.”

Kara let her suit dissolve. She was still in her lounge clothes, a pair of baggy sweats and a button-up tank that left her arms bare. She sat down on the bed and leaned towards Lena.

“I’m okay,” Lena said.

She’d been crying, her eyes red rimmed and wet, painful tracks left by tears and her nose raw. Lena rarely let anyone see any kind of vulnerability like this.

“You don’t look okay, Miss Luthor. This looks like a job for Supergirl.”

“I don’t want Supergirl, I want Kara. Can you stay.”

Kara said, “Yes,” without hesitation, and super speed typed a text to Alex, then turned off her phone.

After a brief hesitation, Kara climbed onto Lena’s huge California King bed. There as plenty of room in the middle for them both. Lena lifted the covers and Kara settled in with her.

Carefully, she pushed the hood back, and tucked away a few stray dark curls from Lena’s eyes as she shimmied closer, curling her arm around Lena’s shoulder. Their bodies instinctively fitted together as they had many times before, Lena carefully cradled in Kara’s powerful arms. Kara could feel her quick breaths and the flutter of her heart beneath her ribs. In her embrace, Lena felt delicate and exotic, a treasure to be handled with utmost care.

“Want to talk about it?” said Kara.

“Can we stay like this for a while?”

“Yes.”

Kara wasn’t sure how long she laid there or how long Lena clung to her; she didn’t really care. Finally Lena spoke.

“This is the day my mom died.”

Kara let out of a soft “Oh,” and held her just a little tighter, carefully exacting just a touch more pressure until Lena calmed again.

“It’s normally this bad but some years it’s just too much, it’s… it hurts. Why does it hurt so much?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sometimes I still have The Dream.”

Kara tensed, not because Lena didn’t explain, but because Kara knew without being told. Kara had The Dream, too. The only dream that was a Dream, the only nightmare that you can’t wake up from because the waking is the nightmare.

Lena shook her head, and her voice broke something in Kara, shattering it into a thousand pieces that scattered on the crystal floor of the hidden places within her.

“I can’t even remember what she looked like.”

Kara ran her hand softly over Lena’s head and felt fresh tears hot on her neck.

“Lillian took everything from me. Pictures, home movies, all of it. Sometimes I can remember her singing but it’s like I can feel it more than hear it.”

“I remember,” Kara said softly, “when I started thinking in English. I had to. It was the only way I could write without messing up the grammar.”

“Do you remember Krypton?”

“Mostly. It’s hazy. Things from before my powers are like that.”

“Can you… can you tell me about it?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just… I’m trying not to think about how much I want my mom.”

Kara nodded and began telling Lena whatever popped into her head, without rhyme or reason or really meaning to go anywhere with it. She told her about Argo City and excursions to gather mineral samples, about the opera and museums and festivals, about the food and music. She told Lena what it was like to visit other worlds, to stand on the shores of lakes of molten nickel and watch a supernova unfolding.

She barely noticed when Lena fell into a light sleep, curled up in her arms. She clung to Kara, hands fisted into her back at first, then relaxing as she dozed.

Eventually, light peeked around Lena’s blackout curtains. Lena had slept through the night. Kara should probably have withdrawn or gone to make breakfast, but she stayed, enjoying Lena’s scent in Lena’s huge bed, feeling her breathing against her and just feeling this curious relief that she at least knew she was safe, truly safe.

“You’re here,” Lena murmured as she woke up.

“Of course I’m here”, said Kara.

“I like having you here,” Lena mumbled.

“I like having me here.”

Lena sighed. “Are you real? Am I dreaming this too?”

Kara snorted. “Do you dream about me a lot?”

There was a too-long pause before Lena said, “yes.”

“What kind of dreams? Am I badass in them?”

“Something like that.”

Kara smiled. “Want me to grab us breakfast?”

“No.”

Kara’s stomach rumbled, but Lena ignored it. She still had her arms around Kara’s waist and squeezed hard, pulling her close. There was desperation in it. Kara sucked in a sharp breath, even as she returned the embrace.

“Hey,” Kara said softly, “I’m right here, I’m not leaving.”

“Okay.”

Kara swallowed, hard. Lena looked up at her and Kara’s heart did a flip. She was so soft here in the morning light, vulnerable in a way that no one else ever saw. Every fiber of her being screamed at Kara to make it better, protect her, kiss her.

Wait, what?

Kara blinked. Lena was staring at her lips, pupils wide and eyes dark.

There had been a moment like this before. When Kara came back from that awful place, ripped free from its darkness, when it felt like Lena was the whole universe and Kara had been locked in by her gravity, pulled toward a singularity, yanked away from it by her fathers voice as she leaned in…

“I want you to stay,” Lena said, each word a tiny whisper puffed against Kara’s lips.

Kara kissed her.

It wasn’t a Big Damn Kiss. It wasn’t one where the camera spun and the music swelled. It was barely there at all, a faint brushing of lips, an invitation left to wait, breathless, for an answer.

When Lena kissed her back it was slow and passionate but reserved, lips pressed on lips, followed by a tiny tug on Kara’s bottom lip, the signature that competed the message.

Kara moved delicately, leaving a pause with each moment, but Lena offered only invitation.

“Is this okay?” Kara asked.

Lena grasped fistfuls of Kara’s shirt, squeezing so hard that her knuckles went white and her hands trembled.

“Please,” she whispered. “Stay.”

“I’ll never leave,” Kara whispered, sealing the promise with a kiss.

[girlfictions]

Ellen Bass, “The Thing Is”

[jesncin]

"Birthdays" a fancomic about grief and loneliness. A reimagining of John's relationship with Golden Boy.

Happy birthdays, Constantine 🧁

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

[thelilylav]

"I have to! She's my best friend!"

On Apple and Briar and their slowly dissolving friendship.

[froggie-at-home]

post-manhattan will would've hated silena so much. he'd definitely defend drew because he agrees with her. not everyone knows the truth about silena being a spy, so people think that will and drew are just bitching, when in reality drew was betrayed by her favorite older sister and will's siblings and friends were killed

[ellewod]

Aegon's doomed, haunted queen and mother to his children.

[cringefail-clown]

thinking about them again (turnabout au post-scratch jakehal)

[bietrofastimoff23]

Aegon has a large family, many courtiers, he is literally a king with great power, and yet he has no one to comfort him.

his grief as a parent who lost a child is perceived by others as a weakness, and therefore he was forced in front of their eyes to show only the anger of the king who lost his legacy in order to maintain the mask of power.

that's why only in solitude can he mourn Jaehaerys, his little son. and he no longer asks for anyone's support and presence, because at the council, when he begged to treat his son as a person and not a convenient pr move, he was again reminded that no one in this castle cares about his wishs and feelings. no one cares about his murdered son.

[charliespringverse]

i am not a taskmaster blog but i AM autistic and a taskmaster fan and this post made me have some emotions earlier today and i am yet to see it shared on tumblr