#sharon will now make things difficult for you as punishment

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“What If” episode 5 review:

I needed to add that gif because it summarizes the energy of this evil af episode. This was just pure chaotic evil energy, and I fucking loved it.

Although, I fully admit that I’m a bit biased because I love zombie apocalypse fiction and I love Marvel Zombies. So even though this episode was a bit more on the evil side, I rocked with it.

I will say that in terms of story, it’s not as compelling as the last two weeks. But to be fair, the previous two weeks were all about complicated scenarios about difficult topics. How would the MCU be in a world without the Avengers? How far would Doctor Strange go to defy the universe for love? This week’s episode, it was just a zombie outbreak. Not that complicated and you basically know what you’re getting.

That said, I can see this being one of the more polarizing episodes of the season mainly because of how it’s written. Part of the reason why this episode was radiating evil energy is that there was a certain mean-spiritedness in the writing. For example:

1) Bucky generally not caring that Sam and Steve died

2) Hope making a joke after blowing up Sharon Carter

3) Vision literally feeding Zombie Wanda pieces of T’Challa.

Like, holy FUCK. This is easily one of the darkest episodes of the MCU I’ve ever seen. In fact, the only MCU show I can compare this to are the fucking Netflix Marvel shows. Like, it’s saying a lot when the PUNISHER is the first show that comes to mind.

Now, is all this bad? Like I said, it depends on the viewer. I love zombies and I love dark humor, so this episode was great for me. If you don’t like either of those things, then this episode might be more of a bummer. 

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TL;DR warning: TFATWS Ep. 6 / Finale There’s a lot to unpack in this series finale, and I sure as hell am not the expert to do this, but I thought I’d highlight some particular issues I have. Much of this, admittedly, will be coming from the high character tenors of the previous episodes, whereas this episode is really where the “MCU kind of movie denouement” kicks in. If you can call/criticize something as “Disney formula” writing, this might be it. Did it hamper/dampen my enjoyment of this series? Not THAT much, but it really stands out and suggests it could have been better. So let me do a few numbers. 1. PRO: A very acceptable execution of selling not only Sam’s first outing as ‘Captain America’, not only the affirmation of Bucky Barnes’ commitment to heroism, but the apotheosis long-denied to Isaiah Bradley. I’m getting the impression much of the gushing here in Tumblr will be focusing on that--and to an extent, I am in agreement.  their characters were very well fleshed out and to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way. There may be still other things I would recommend as a better laid-out recognition for Isaiah (something more faithful to the Truth comic miniseries), but that’s a minor quibble compared to the others below.  

2. CON: Falling into the trap of a “GOT-layout” series ending Ok, that description might be too harsh. After all, point # 1 is near perfect. 

However, and this is a very big HOWEVER... A really good show does not rely solely on giving your main characters the best ending possible. Their supporting cast deserves at least a fair amount of character development (understandable motivations, a good appreciation of their character arcs, more moments which make you empathize with them especially if you are trying to experiment with moral ambiguity on their characters). The fact that the action sequence ate up more than half of the final episode’s near-50 minute runtime really prevented any further character development moments. How, to some extent, this became insufficient with Karli Morgenthau and John Walker become really apparent in the end.  3. CON: Under-served Character Denouements Karli and the Flag-Smashers, in practice, were basically given the “Killmonger” treatment: they’ll have to die, but the validity of their moral argument will be recognized. As someone with a very limited set of fandoms I follow, the only other place I’ve seen this done is Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans. The protagonist cast was left to die, but the tragedy of their situation led their world to improve things for the better. (For those familiar with this fandom, many will understand that this did not go down well.) Compare this, in turn, to how Breaking Bad gives even the supporting cast and side-characters understandable character endings.

The reason of complaint here, being, that this kind of story flow robs these characters of agency not only in their tragedy--but also how they choose to go out. Sympathetic tragic characters, to an extent, are at least given some dignity in how they go out. The fact that Karli and the Flag-Smashers are practically disposed of by a) Sharon, now fully revealed as the criminal Power-Broker and b) Zemo, whose butler is no less capable in extreme action even while he was in prison further highlights how they are basically reduced into ‘plot elements’, not a fully-realized group/faction of people.

John Walker, for his part, is also given very little to do (and indeed, what little he was able to do in the entire fight sequence is laughable). Even his one spark of “good choice” (seeking to save the falling vehicle’s occupants), even if he failed, was ultimately overshadowed by Sam’s more flamboyant rescue. One might be able to make argument, perhaps, that that is the point: Walker’s arc in this episode, perhaps, is to finally learn why exactly he can’t become Captain America: because he remains primarily a soldier, and only good at that. Witnessing Sam arguing and pontificating in front of the cameras, perhaps, is what hammers it home to him--and why perhaps his last scene in the series is him accepting his new role as U.S. Agent. If his world is going to be small and he is going to be pigeonholed into what he is good at, so be it. If he can’t be Captain America (now that he knows why exactly that symbol is powerful, and what is required of it), he’ll find his way with people who will let him be what he can be. Notice, however, how even between these two underserved characters, John Walker has a more understandable progression. I don’t think I’ll really be able to fault ‘left-wing’ viewers of the show who will be left dissatisfied by this ending (especially those who are sympathetic to the Flag-Smashers’ demands--especially as to some extent (due to my own line of work and leanings, I’m kind of one of those). And then there’s the reveal of Sharon as the Power-Broker--its own can of worms, but I’ll fold it in the next item. 4. MIXED BAG: How the show’s social layout closes

The fact that the MCU’s undercurrent politics remains to be “institutions are bad, mob/grassroots action will always be misguided, let media-chosen/private individuals and orgs show you the ‘right way’ of doing things”--it isn’t really as helpful as it could be. The show basically ends with Sam and Bucky’s individual arcs and moral world-views affirmed. It is definitely a happy ending for them. It is, however, pretty difficult to swallow that it ends well for them when the bigger picture is left unaddressed.  (For those who may be interested in this line of critique, this video essay, “Imagining the Tyrant” by Kyle Kallgren / Brows Held High / oancitizen should be helpful.)

Nowhere is this better illustrated than in 2 instances: the setting of Walker’s rechristening as U.S. Agent, and Sharon’s “pardon” scene--now that we know she is in fact the Power Broker. Both events happen in the U.S. Senate Committee hearing hall--basically making the statement that even with a new Captain America that is more ‘home-grown’ and closer to the ground and common people (even as he literally flies high), the institutions of the U.S. government is still as impervious and clueless to its corruption and enabling of crime and injustice. Criminal elements like Valentina de Fontaine and the Power Broker foster the underground economy with impunity, and the U.S. government allows them to for a number of unbuilt/unestablished reasons. 

It’s a valid/backed-up argument to make, and with historical/real life basis at that, but this is the kind of plot development difficult to credibly sell within a 6-episode miniseries already crammed with character arcs--and it shows. Compare this, for example, with how the Netflix series The Punisher built throughout its Season 1 run how exactly can black market profiteering grow under the CIA in a believable way. There, you see exactly what needs to happen for a previously-established upstanding character living in a grey environment to turn grey--even full on black (be it Frank Castle/the Punisher himself, Dinah Madani, or even Billy Russo). I’d want to chalk this up to the possibility of merging/reintroducing that world--and by god, imagine Jon Bernthal’s Punisher returning in this kind of gray area--interacting with Captain America AND the Winter Soldier, as this series is now likely to be titled--should be very interesting.

---- These are the top points in my head after my first watch of this finale. I may be rewatching this again--who knows if I get to come back. Still, it’s been a pretty meaningful ride. P.S. I should probably admit to my Filipino background here again, but it’s hilarious how the closing shot of this series (Sam and Bucky having a party with their family/community near the Louisiana seaside) is basically how mosts 80′s/90′s era Filipino action and comedy films end (either a beach party or a wedding/outing near a beach/swimming pool). The presence of Pinoy shout-outs in this series (”Amatz” and “Isang Tao, Isang Mundo”) really emphasize how this might not be an accident.

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National Enquirer, May 10

You can buy a brand new copy of this issue without the mailing label for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Charles orders Prince Harry to divorce Meghan Markle

Page 2: In a sniveling fit of pique, scorned Alex Rodriguez has trashed former fiancee Jennifer Lopez as a dud in the sack and A-Rod is moaning J. Lo drove him to chase excitement elsewhere because she couldn't keep up with his sex demands and Alex is defending his piggish behavior by saying Jennifer pushed him into it and their spark died long ago, and they were barely intimate for the best part of a year before calling it quits -- Jennifer would pack on the PDA for the cameras, but the moment they were in private she pushed Alex away and even made him sleep in a separate bedroom and he says it was like dating an ice queen and pities the next guy she ropes in -- Jennifer thought she and Alex had a pretty good connection during their happier times, even though she'd likely admit things really petered out toward the end when the lack of trust set in so it will sting her that he's trashing her skills in the bedroom

Page 4: Robert De Niro is getting pummeled by estranged wife Grace Hightower's free-spending ways and his bitter spouse is intent on taking the aging legend for every penny as their nasty divorce drags on -- Robert's lawyers argued in court that greedy Grace's extravagant lifestyle has forced him to take every job he can snag, causing the 77-year-old to toil 12-hour days, six days a week and what's more, Robert's Nobu restaurant business has hit hard times and his tax bills to Uncle Sam are piling up but he is reportedly worth a whopping $500 million, and Grace's lawyers have countered he's pleading poverty but regularly charters a helicopter to Sunday brunch, a charge denied by his lawyer and her attorneys also claimed Robert frequently flies to Florida on a private plane and spends millions and millions on himself -- meanwhile, Robert's relationship with 66-year-old Grace has taken such a nosedive, she's spending frivolously just to punish him and she's walked into a shop a spent $80,000 in 15 minutes and she will go on vacations to the Bahamas, stop at the duty-free store and pay four times the price of what things usually cost and she has more wigs than Imelda Marcos had shoes -- Robert met Grace in 1987 when she was working as a waitress in London, and they married a decade later but they split in 1999 then reconciled and renewed their vows in 2004 before finally calling it quits in 2018 -- De Niro has forked over as much as $375,000 a month to his spouse since their split and the financially squeezed star may resort to doing product endorsements just to pay the bills -- under the terms of the couple's prenuptial agreement, once Grace and Robert are finally divorced, she's allowed a $6 million home, $500,000 cash and $1 million in annual alimony, but her lawyers have argued she should be entitled to half his fortune

* Nearly two years after Hayden Panettiere accused ex-boyfriend Brian Hickerson of brutally attacking her, the bully was sentenced to serve time in Los Angeles after he pleaded no contest to two felony counts of injuring a spouse or girlfriend, and the remaining charges of battery, assault with a deadly weapon and dissuading a witness were dismissed and he was hit with 45 days behind bars and four years' probation but he'll get credit for 12 days served -- he's done his own damage and will pay a permanent price for it -- meanwhile, Hayden is now in a great place in her life

Page 5: Danny Masterson has dragged Leah Remini into his rape case, claiming her docuseries Scientology and Its Aftermath influenced his alleged victims to file police reports against him -- former Scientologist Leah offered the women inducements and benefits to report Masterson to cops, his lawyer Tom Mesereau told a L.A. criminal court -- Danny, a 45-year-old Scientologist and That '70s Show alum, has pleaded not guilty to charges he raped three women in separate incidents between 2001 and 2003 -- Mesereau also called an LAPD detective who worked a second job as security for Leah a double agent and questioned how a 2000 police report made by one alleged victim went missing, but Deputy District Attorney Reinhold Mueller dismissed Mesereau's double agent claims as hyperbole and said the defense got a copy of the missing report and Mesereau's request to push back Masterson's preliminary hearing, a Scientology delay tactic, was also rejected

Page 6: Kelly Osbourne's shocking relapse after nearly four years of sobriety occurred amid intense family drama for the former reality show clan -- Kelly's mom Sharon Osbourne's exit from The Talk amid racism claims by co-hosts and dad Ozzy Osbourne's struggles with crippling Parkinson's disease and excruciating nerve damage frazzled her and she confessed she relapsed and she's not proud of it, but she's back on track and she's truly learned that it is just one day at a time -- her parents' problems weighed heavily on 36-year-old Kelly, who first struggled with substance abuse in her teens, and there's no doubt her mother's scandalous exit from The Talk played a big role as Kelly was crushed over the beating Sharon took in the press and retired rocker Ozzy's relentless suffering also pains Kelly and throw in brother Jack Osbourne's progressive MS and she's dealing with a lot

Page 7: Distressed Dolly Parton is ready to stage an all-star country intervention for her party-hearty goddaughter Miley Cyrus after recent photos of the troubled wild child swilling booze triggered alarm bells for Miley's family members and inner circle, including Dolly who has acted as a mentor to Miley and Dolly has always fussed over Miley like a mother hen and she's worried Miley is going to throw away her career and her life -- 75-year-old Dolly is so concerned about 28-year-old Miley that she's talked about reaching out to other country icons to arrange a meeting with the former Disney child star and help her consider her options and Dolly wants to enlist women she knows Miley truly admires, like Reba McEntire and Loretta Lynn, and organize a sit-down and Dolly knows if Miley hears from legends who achieved so much in the music industry, she's likely to understand any mistakes she makes now can affect her life forever -- every time Dolly thinks Miley's got her demons beat, she hears of another slip-up, so she feels like it's time to take action and Miley's parents Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish Cyrus, who are good pals of Dolly, are thankful for Dolly's concern because Billy Ray and Tish have tried talking to Miley, but she tunes her parents out and they agree their daughter is more likely to respond to Dolly and her legendary friends

* Angelina Jolie blamed her ugly divorce with Brad Pitt for dashing her dreams to direct movies -- she and Brad split in 2016 and the two have been locked in a mudslinging legal slugfest ever since -- Angie says she love directing, but she had a change in her family situation that's not made it possible for her to direct for a few years and Angie, who last directed 2017's First They Killed My Father, said she needed to just do shorter jobs and be home more, so she kind of went back to doing a few acting jobs

Page 8: Shamed sleaze Matt Lauer has been snubbed by his old Hamptons crowd, and it's got the scandal-scarred scumbag down in the dumps and the super-rich who live and socialize in the fashionable high-society playground won't forget how Lauer was axed from his longtime Today gig over bombshell allegations of sexual misconduct and Matt's done everything he can to regain his place in the community, from hanging out in the village to splashing money around and tipping too well and he's convinced he can make a comeback, but snooty residents turn their noses up and it must be difficult for him because it's tough for anyone who wants to get in with this crowd but for Matt it's become almost impossible -- with scandal raging, Lauer's marriage to Annette Roque collapsed and they divorced in 2019 after a two-year separation and they share three children, daughter Romy, 17, and sons Jack, 19, and Thijs, 14, and Lauer has denied any wrongdoing and insisted his reputation was wrongly smeared in a media feeding frenzy intent on destroying him -- after his divorce, Matt hooked up with public relations guru Shamin Abas and the two have reportedly been pals for years and were first linked when Matt took her to his New Zealand home in December 2019 and Matt's friends are saying he's talking about a big Hamptons wedding when he and Shamin make things official, but it would be a failure if no one attends but Shamin has a lot of connections, so maybe that will help in time -- Matt's obviously an embarrassment in the area and he's not getting much joy at the swanky country clubs he likes to frequent either and it's clear to see that doors from many A-listers, like Martha Stewart, Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson, who have had ample time to put out the welcome mat and Matt won't be getting invites to their homes anytime soon

Page 9: Kourtney Kardashian is packing on the PDA with new boyfriend Travis Barker and insiders said her desperate bid to compete with her sisters has gone way over the top and ever since Kourtney and Travis first went public, the oldest Kardashian sibling has made it a point to post the couple's passionate romps in racy pics and videos on social media and people in her circle feel it's beneath her to advertise her personal moments like this and even her family thinks it's unflattering, but she's getting a kick out of showing off her wild side and Kourtney has been desperate to raise her profile to keep up with internet-savvy sisters Kim Kardashian and Khloe Kardashian, who promote themselves by posting incessantly and Kourtney was always more low-key, but now she thinks she needs to be outrageous to keep up but her friends and family say it's not who she is, and she should put a lid on the steam

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Alison Brie helped tend to newly planted trees in Malibu, Chris Rock tuned out the world with a set of headphones while walking in Miami, Dylan McDermott plays a bad guy on Law & Order: Organized Crime, Dancing with the Stars pro Sasha Farber buzzed around L.A. on an electric bike, Margot Robbie skating in Malibu

Page 11: Paula Abdul is filling in for Luke Bryan on American Idol, but she's gone crazy with fillers and Botox to the point where she can barely move her face -- 58-year-old Paula, one of the show's original three judges who left before the ninth season, jumped at the chance after Luke tested positive for COVID-19, but when she showed up for work, she was far from the familiar face everyone was expecting and she must have given her co-hosts quite a fright because her face is blown up like a balloon and her forehead has no lines and her eyes have no crinkling at the corners that you would normally expect on someone who's pushing 60 and people are saying she never did know when to quit and this time she's really gone overboard and it was a shame, since it's no secret she'd love to make a comeback on the show and she's still in fantastic shape, but it's kind of sad to see her fall victim to these Hollywood trends as she's a lovely lady and should leave well enough alone -- her heart-shaped face may predispose her to a slower aging process than longer facial shapes

* Jessica Simpson has plumped up her kisser, but one expert thinks her new inflated piehole would look better on a fish because she's gone overboard with filler in her lips and the end result is an unnatural and very unattractive look because the M-shape of the middle upper lip is distorted, creating a fishy appearance she surely wasn't going for

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- James Bond will be gunning for Top Gun: Maverick on movie screens in November, and Tom Cruise isn't happy -- moving the Top Gun sequel from July to November has left Tom shaken and stirred and no one is more competitive than Tom and going up against the new 007 film starring Daniel Craig has put the fear of God into him because Tom likes to win and coming in second is not an option so get ready for an all-out box office war between Tom and James Bond and this is going to get ugly

* Just out-of-the-closet Colton Underwood has been invited back to his old stomping grounds on The Bachelor but he won't be the new Gay Bachelor, but there's been talk about him returning to help contestants through the process -- he'll literally play the gay best friend who helps the straight contestants find love

* Bridgerton stud Rege-Jean Page won't be back for season 2, but crossing the show's powerful producer Shonda Rhimes was not smart because Shonda is not used to being told no, especially by an actor no one had heard of before she cast him -- Rege-Jean was naive about the business of Hollywood, but he's learning fast but saying no to Shonda is a move he's now thinking twice about

* Irina Shayk had her hands full during a photo shoot in NYC (picture)

Page 13: Racy reality series The Bachelorette has so disgusted some American viewers, they've flooded the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) with complaints and calls to yank the sexy show from TV -- according to documents, a season 16 dodgeball game that turned into a stripping competition among Clare Crawley's suitors in 2020 especially fueled viewers' rage, even though the aired footage was blacked out to protect the men's privates but the game was not over until one team was fully naked

* Matchmaker Olivia Newton-John is itching to play Cupid for longtime pal John Travolta as her Grease co-star approaches the one-year anniversary of the death of his beloved wife Kelly Preston and Oliva would like nothing more than to bring some joy and happiness back into John's life and she has lots of beautiful, fun-filled lady friends from the U.S. and Australia she could set John up with but he may not be ready for a new romance, and John himself has admitted mourning is individual and experiencing your own journey is what can lead to healing and John still hasn't gotten over Kelly's death yet and it feels like yesterday to him

Page 15: Tiger Woods' former mistress Jamie Jungers is dishing about her doomed 18-month affair with the then-married golf great and the fallout that triggered her harrowing spiral into drug addiction in a juicy new tell-all -- Jamie, 38, said she met the skirt-chasing links legend, now recovering from a shattered right leg after a February car crash, during her stint as a party host in Sin City and she claimed they kicked off a fling behind the back of his wife Elin Nordegren and Tiger would often fly his new squeeze to his L.A. home for their secret trysts and Jamie said she even once signed for a package at the newlyweds' pad that turned out to be wedding photos of Tiger and his bride, who divorced the sex addict in 2010 -- but it was not too hard for Jamie to convince herself the couple's marriage was on the skids because Elin spent so much time in her native Sweden and Jamie confessed she loved Tiger in a way but knew they'd never have a real relationship -- things came to a screeching halt when the tightwad millionaire refused to help her find new digs and Jamie kept her lips zipped about the hush-hush affair for three years, but she claimed her ensuing media appearances, in which she was dubbed Mistress No. 4, left her feeling humiliated, triggering a $500 a day pill habit that led to her getting hooked on heroin and meth and homeless Jamie endured failed stints in rehab, went through detox while behind bars and hit rock bottom before getting clean in 2018 and now sober, she said of her former flame she's not in love with him anymore

Page 16: Picky parents Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Baldwin have found one thing that's even tougher than raising six kids: finding the right nanny -- Alec and Hilaria have high expectations for prospective carers and exacting demands when it comes to their duties and Hilaria is so involved with the kids, so she's especially vigilant and has the final say when it comes to hiring and firing though Alec definitely has his checklist on what makes a good nanny and try as they might, they realize they can't do everything themselves and need help, lots of it, but it's been a logistical nightmare getting a team of nannies organized as Alec and Hilaria are tough on them and firm and long hours and multitasking are a must and of course they must be quick on their toes and know what to do with a cranky set of children without losing their cool and a good disposition, a clean and tidy appearance and the ability to step in last minute when needed are all prerequisites to be a Baldwin nanny -- Hilaria and Alec feel guilty about using more help than they initially thought they'd need and typically have at least two nannies on duty and they're doing their best to keep their home from becoming a nuthouse and stay sane and even when Hilaria and Alec are both home at the same time, they still need help changing diapers and doing endless loads of laundry, preparing meals and snacks and assisting homeschooling for the older ones and making sure they all get plenty of exercise and playtime -- it's been a challenge and they won't settle for anything but the most skilled nannies, and their friends can see the efforts are paying off

Page 17: Britney Spears has taken to social media to insist she's OK, but there are increasing concerns over the singer's state of mind -- Britney, 39, has shared bizarre Instagram posts showing her maniacally dancing and also bellyached that she's trying to learn how to use technology in this technology-driven generation, but to be totally honest she can't stand it -- the wacky videos followed the documentary Framing Britney Spears, which cast an unflattering spotlight on her troubled history amid her fight to have her conservator dad Jamie Spears removed from overseeing her personal and financial affairs and Britney, who has not had control over her own cash or major life decisions since her notorious 2008 breakdown, said the documentary's portrayal embarrassed her and brought her to tears and she cried for two weeks -- still, Britney reassured fans she's totally fine and she's extremely happy, she has a beautiful home, beautiful children, referring to her sons Sean, 15, and Jayden, 14, and although Britney, who's been coupled up with 27-year-old personal trainer Sam Asghari since 2016, insisted she's enjoying herself, she was caught on camera in Malibu appearing out of sorts and she looked a total mess and she looked like she hadn't brushed her hair in days and the truth is she's wracked with anxiety and she doesn't trust anyone in her orbit except her boyfriend

Page 18: American Life -- Like many dads, J.B. Handley couldn't understand his teenage son, but in this case, 18-year-old Jamison Handley is autistic and has not spoken a word since he was born -- using a breakthrough strategy called Spelling to Communicate (STC), J.B. discovered his son was hyper-intelligent and now Jamison is graduating from high school and will go to college to study neuroscience in 2022

Page 19: Newly single Kanye West is in the market for someone to cuddle with now that Kim Kardashian is out of the picture and the National Enquirer has decided to help him in his quest: Amanda Gorman, Bjork, Quay Dash, Marina Abramovic, Maria Cristerna

* While Kanye West is looking for a new lady to be his creative muse, his estranged wife Kim Kardashian sees the dating pool as the source of her next career move -- Kim has not been romantically linked to anyone since she filed for divorce in February and she's not dating anyone because, if she were, it would be a career move and Kim can't date quietly; she doesn't even understand what that would be like

Page 22: Katie Holmes and her boytoy beau Emilio Vitolo Jr. haven't been photographed together in more than a month, leaving people to wonder if the once snap-happy couple's romance is cooling off -- after being constantly caught on camera packing on the PDAs, the coosome twosome's vanishing act has sources suspecting work stress is taking a toll -- they're still together but things aren't anything like they were, and Katie seems pretty down and Emilio has been working long hours at his dad's restaurant, which was hit hard during the pandemic and that's meant less time for him and Katie to hang out and their romance may have gone from full boil to simmer

* Hollywood Hookups -- Danica Patrick and Carter Comstock dating, Zac Efron and Vanessa Valladares split, Madison LeCroy is dating a mystery man

Page 23: Lizzo stripped nude on social media for an unedited selfie to promote body positivity in all its glory and the 32-year-old defied the haters by bravely going makeup-free and wearing only her birthday suit -- she said she's letting it all hang out to encourage girls struggling with their self-image and self-confidence to embrace their natural beauty

* Bethenny Frankel plans to spend a whopping $10 million on her upcoming wedding -- she is set to wed Paul Bernon after she was spotted flashing a ginormous sparkler reportedly worth over $400,000 and movie producer Paul, 43, has given Bethenny, 50, carte blanche to spend whatever she wants so she's thinking 50,000 roses, champagne, gilt-edged glasses, a garden setting with fountains, dancers and a choir and Bethenny wants it to be perfect and she expects the best of everything

* Julianna Margulies has admitted things were hot on the set of ER, and it was because she and co-star George Clooney had a crush on each other and the chemistry on the beloved TV series between Julianna, now 54, and George, 60, was organic, she gushed in her upcoming memoir -- she also said when you create an environment that people feel safe in, then you do your best work and George taught her that and she felt so safe with him

Page 25: Troubled Tori Spelling is convinced having a sixth baby is the only way to bring her rocky 15-year marriage to Dean McDermott back from the brink -- Tori, 47, and Dean, 54, have been living separate lives for months and she has frequently been seen in public without her wedding ring and lately they've been more like brother and sister than husband and wife, but Tori is under the impression that another baby will give them a fresh start -- Dean has tried to repair their romance by taking on more dad duties and he even pushed for a recent family getaway to Palm Springs, where Tori socked her husband with the ultimatum to give her another baby or hit the highway and it's true they got along a lot happier when she was pregnant, but a lot of people think she's being delusional since they still have a lot of issues to work through and having another kid isn't going to be a magic fix and in fact, it may even add to their problems

Page 26: Cover Story -- Prince Harry's desperate bid to make peace with his estranged royal family exploded spectacularly when his father Prince Charles gave him an ultimatum to divorce Meghan Markle or you're out forever -- the secret showdown came after the funeral for his grandfather Prince Philip that forced family members to reunite for the first time following a year of bitterness and shocking allegations and any hope Harry had of mending fences and being welcomed back went out the window when he broke Queen Elizabeth's heart by snubbing her 95th birthday right after the funeral because he flew back to California the day before her birthday and it was the last straw for Charles, who was furious and he was stunned his son couldn't wait just 24 hours more to show respect for his grandmother and felt compelled to rush back to his pregnant wife Meghan and it would have meant so much for Her Majesty, who was still mourning her husband and needs all the comfort she can get but instead Harry headed back to his ritzy $14 mansion and Hollywood lifestyle, callously leaving his grieving grandmother on what should have been her big day -- the word is Meghan ordered him back as he'd been gone 10 days, their longest separation since they wed, and she didn't want his family playing mind tricks on him, trying to convince him he should return to the U.K. -- Charles confronted his younger son about snubbing Her Majesty during a phone call from his country getaway in Wales, where Charles was grieving his father Prince Philip and considering the future of the monarchy and Charles didn't mince words and he called Harry selfish and blamed Meghan for ripping the family apart and he bluntly admitted he and other royals, including the queen herself, were deeply disappointed and very angry by what the couple said in an explosive tell-all TV special and he couldn't believe Harry would agree to such a devastating interview without pressure from his publicity-obsessed wife or her advisors and Charles told Harry he was ashamed of him for turning his back on his family and breaking his grandmother's heart and Charles said he didn't believe Harry's marriage can survive long-term and suggested that Meghan was so ambitious, she'd dump Harry when something, or someone, better came along then he shockingly told his son he would only be welcomed back if he divorced that American actress and Charles insisted divorce was the only way to save the royal family and Harry himself -- Harry faced a great deal of frostiness from other members of the family after he arrived for Philip's funeral: Princess Anne, Prince Edward, his wife Sophie and other relatives didn't even look at Harry, they are so angry with him and Meghan, and Prince William and his wife Duchess Kate tried to put on a united front, speaking to Harry as they walked away from the service, but it was all for show as the queen had ordered a truce in the feud to avoid another public scandal, but family feelings are running very deep against Harry and Meghan for quitting royal duties and trashing the royals in their interview and the truth is if Harry doesn't divorce Meghan, this rift will never be mended

Page 36: Ellen DeGeneres confessed she'd swilled three cannabis-laced drinks and popped two snooze-inducing pills before driving wife Portia de Rossi to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy -- during an interview with Jimmy Kimmel, Ellen said she'd downed a commercial beverage containing the weed compounds THC and CBD and admitted she didn't feel anything and then she drank three, and she also took two melatonin sleep pills and she's lying in bed and realizes Portia is not in bed -- after finding Portia on all fours and in pain, Ellen claimed her adrenaline kicked in and she rushed Portia to the hospital

Page 38: Gwyneth Paltrow knows at least one person who is not a fan of her catalog of sex toys: her mom Blythe Danner -- while Gwynnie loves to bang the drum for frisky female fun by hawking vibrators, whips, handcuffs, genital-themed jewelry and even a candle called This Smells Like My Orgasm, her 78-year-old mother is always shocked by her raunchy online inventory and is very proper, but Gwyneth said even proper ladies have sexuality too -- although her mom is not lining up to purchase the BDSM starter kit or the $15,000 gold-plated dildo, Gwyneth remains committed to tackling taboos related to female pleasure, saying she thinks that our sexuality is such an important part of who we are and one of the things they really believe in at Goop is eliminating shame from these topics

* The Entourage crew might get back together, with Charlie Sheen joining the gang -- the creator of the bro show and 2015 spinoff movie said he may bring the boys back with his buddy Charlie in the reboot and Doug Elin says whether he would ever be in Entourage as Charlie Sheen or whether he would create a character for him, he would be all for it -- Charlie hasn't been seen on the big screen since a 2018 guest spot on Saturday Night Live

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Sofia Vergara

[demoanais]

This will all be moot in a month but I feel like I'm in danger of being misunderstood so I wanted to make my position more clear for the record:

I AM happy Sharon is shown to be hurt, angry and cynical. She's more than earned that. EVC is perfect for playing with the dark side of her character, she has plenty of great experience to tackle that duality. Exploring deeper layers of Sharon is a welcome shift.

I AM happy that the show acknowledges that Sharon was wronged after merely doing the right thing and has long been suffering the consequences of a punishment that vastly exceeds the crime. Of course that's changed her outlook, how could it not?

I AM happy that Sharon has still managed to build a stable life for herself despite all this pain; she is extremely self sufficient and capable and takes great pride in that. It's the emotional blow that stings her the most - she has survived but it never needed to be this hard.

I AM happy that she didn't welcome sam and bucky with open arms and chat like nothing was wrong. She gave up everything and look where it landed her; they were being naive and insensitive to think she'd so happily jump back into the fray for their sakes with nothing more than a raised eyebrow.

I AM happy that despite her misgivings and distrust, she still lent her strength to sam and bucky's efforts because at her core, that's who she is. She hasn't lost her sense of morality even if her heart isn't exactly in it like it used to be.

I AM unhappy about the execution of all of the above.

For example, you have Sharon ask about new cap. Before bucky can elaborate, she cuts him to the quick by accusing him of blind loyalty to the mantle. But that isn't accurate. If bucky's so-called arc is anything, it's demonstrating how his insecurity and lack of direction are causing his grudges to overtake his better judgement.

For him, *everything* is personal. He was steve's friend before he was captain america's, and that's where meaning dwells for him. He doesn't want the shield back or blame sam for giving it up too easily because of some idealogical obsession with 'stars and stripes bullshit' - he thinks it's a slight to steve that sam didn't honor his choice and that it's more than just government issue gear to be passed around. It represents many things (many of them bad, as the show points out) but he doesn't care about all that. To bucky it may as well be a family heirloom, considering what little he has left from his former life.

Of course, this is all what he has to overcome, to (re) establish his own position and identity in the world, and sharon isn't as privy to those struggles as the audience is. Allowing bucky and/or sam to actually elaborate on their issues with walker could have created an in for her to point out some hypocrisy or naivety on their part. But the opportunity was swiftly torpedoed because we really, really need the audience to get that sharon 2.0 is 'awful' now.

So what could she have criticized bucky for instead? Lucky for her, that problem was looking her right in the face drinking her expensive liquor. There is very little justification for the stunt bucky pulled behind sam's back by freeing zemo, and I can only assume consequences are around the corner. Yet again, bucky isn't seeing big picture, he's consumed by his own personal relationship to zemo and the super serum. He acted unilaterally based on his own fears and self doubts but wants to present his actions as logical and well reasoned. Zemo can help in the short term, but what is the cost?

Sharon, being the seasoned cynic she is now, would have seen through that in an instant. How difficult would it have been to jab at the irony, bucky being 'free' according to his therapist but chained to this person who used him as a tool, who continues to exploit his weaknesses, who seems to be far more in control than bucky is in the situation they're all in. Bucky is trying to prove something, he doesn't seem to be sure what that is yet, but he's stubbornly blinded himself to the possibility that he's going about it the wrong way. That is something that sharon could have rightfully called out, but for some reason bucky's most egregious flaw is presented as.... being steve's best friend.

Then you have her dealings with sam, who's problems are more from the other side of the spectrum. He isn't really allowed to bring his personal feelings to the table, he has to deal with the intense pressure of taking on a loaded persona when it may not actually ring true to him in his heart. He also trusted steve and had faith in what that specific cap stood for, but does that mean he's willing to put the whole system on his own shoulders now? He's trying to think above and beyond, about the legacies before him, about his own place in history when all is said and done.

Sam is all about big picture at this stage, and his journey would presumably have him work from the outside in. That's why the glimpses of his family life are invaluable, they give us that contrast between his day to day realities and the loftier, more abstract idealism of the falcon's (or cap's) heroism. His exploration is about staking his own personal claim on the symbolism of that shield, not just for his own sake but for the sake of those who will now look to him as a leader and an inspiration.

To be fair, I think some of sharon's dialogue with sam is marginally better, but still ultimately misses the mark. I envisioned an exchange where she might belittle his decision to continue acting as a representative of the same organization that failed her so spectacularly, suggesting he should tread carefully lest he find himself discarded once the government no longer finds him useful or compliant.

She...sort of got close to saying that? If I squint really hard I guess? But it's off because it's less about the posturing and politics of their roles and of 'the machine' so to speak, than it is about striving to do right when you can. It feels like she's criticizing the inherent value of what they try do rather than the shortcomings of the framework itself. If I get vibes that this sharon seems to waffle on whether or not she regrets what she did in CACW, that's not a good thing.

Bureaucracy, red-tape, iconography - all of the things walker is being parceled with; can you disentangle yourself while refusing to leave the system in the same state as you found it? If I want to be charitable I can chalk this up to semantics, but they haven't given me many reasons to be charitable so far.

Then you have the whole utterly nonsensical bargaining over her pardon (the stupidity of that particular exchange pointed out multiple times on reddit, of all places) and sharon's not-so-subtle suggestion that sam is basically lying to her when he says he can get her pardoned.

If she's trying to say she doesn't believe he actually has the pull to accomplish that, or that he's underestimating how difficult it would be, it's one thing. But saying that he's merely 'pretending' to clear her name is completely unfair. I don't care how ~jaded~ sharon is, there's no plausible reason for her to consider sam capable of such a lie and I find that an insult to them both. Naturally, I place blame squarely on kolstad's writing, and not on sharon herself. It's plain as day he didn't give a wink to a single implication he made with his script, nor does he care to do so.

Am I foolish for thinking her arc could be handled with more coherence? I like to think I'm already controlling for the lackluster quality of MCU writing in general; this actually surprised me. I expect basic and juvenile, but at least there's consistency. Frankly, I think Feige put a little too much slack in the reins here and the characters are paying the price.

Could I be crying wolf too soon before giving everything a chance to pan out? Of course, that's always a possibility and I'd be more than glad to eat crow if things turn out palatable in the end. Are the odds favorable that this will happen? Magic 8 ball says don't count on it, and I'm not in the habit of constantly lowering my standards until they're miraculously met.

[occasionalstorytelling]

Summary: A short drabble in which Bucky thinks about the time in his life when he COULD have just run up on a stranger, beat them up, and take what he wanted. Life with HYDRA was very different than life after deprogramming.

Read it here:

“Let’s take the shield, Sam. Let’s take the shield and do this ourselves.”

Sam had been trying to sleep. Sam needed so much sleep. Pretty much everyone except for Bucky needed so much sleep, at least in comparison to Bucky. Bucky didn’t need much sleep at all. Sam shifted then, and sat up to look at Bucky. “We can’t just run up on the man, beat him up, and take it.”

He was wrong. Bucky could do it. Walker didn’t even look that tough. It wasn’t like it would have been hard.

“Don’t you remember what happened the last time we stole it?” Sam asked.

“Maybe,” Bucky said. Of course he did. He remembered everything.

It wasn’t that Bucky missed HYDRA, it really wasn’t. He’d never go back. He’d never want to go back. Even just thinking about it made his skin crawl…but he didn’t have the luxury of a broken long term memory to hide behind anymore. He remembered everything, and he remembered that there was a brief time when life had felt like magic.

The whole beginning of it was bad, for a lot of reasons. From the amputation-without-painkillers on, it was a shitty, shitty time. HYDRA spent hours, days, weeks breaking him and molding him into the Winter Soldier, and everyone knew that was what was happening. There wasn’t a tech around who didn’t know the latest details of a particular Soldier trigger, there wasn’t a HYDRA goon who was afraid of him, because they all knew what was being done to him. Soldier was as likely to get a pat on the back as he was to get kicked in the face, and it could have come from anyone.

People get old, and then they die. Everyone except for Bucky, at least. Slowly, the techs disappeared and were replaced with new ones, one that didn’t know as much. HYDRA was very concerned with its secrets, after all, and the details that allowed for controlling the Winter Soldier was a big secret. HYDRA goons stopped laughing at Soldier and started giving him a wider berth. Techs got jumpy if Soldier even so much as twitched. A few people still knew the main triggers, but their visits were few and far between.

It was much nicer to be feared than it was to be tortured.

It wasn’t that Bucky had liked anything HYDRA had done to him or for him, but…he remembered how it was after the higher ups decided Soldier was HYDRA’s most valuable asset. All of a sudden, no more sitting alone in damp and uncomfortable cells, now it was constant surveillance in rooms that actually had places to sit. Mission debriefs started including painkillers and muscle relaxants, and it sucked that that was Soldier’s standard for “comfort,” but at the time, it was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. They fed him, and it was like he was a fancy purebred guard dog—if he didn’t eat, they coaxed and pleaded and somehow found better food and brought it to him. Soldier was valuable, and the higher ups wanted him safe. And the techs didn’t know the triggers anymore.

There was a mission, early on, when Soldier damaged his ankle. Returning to the base, he all but collapsed. He couldn’t stop himself from falling, and one of the goons thought Soldier was trying to attack him. Everything after that was colored with electricity and triggers and punishment. HYDRA had been a single unit, and every single person there was invested in breaking Soldier.

Years later, there was another mission, where Soldier had waited for days in a particular spot, waiting for the target to appear, when a goon had fumbled the delivery at the last moment and the target got away. Soldier had turned away from the gun, expecting a punishment for failure, but instead, the goon cowered. Like he thought Soldier was going to hurt him. Soldier wanted to hurt him; that goon had interfered with a mission. But no matter how long he waited, there was no punishment for failure. Soldier began to get a sense of the new rules. He wondered how many people even remembered the punishments anymore.

Once, on a debrief, they shocked Soldier so hard he remembered a boy with blonde hair getting beat up in an alley. Bucky hated this memory of a memory. Soldier went crazy (well, crazier than usual) and killed three techs and five goons. Soldier came back to himself when one of the higher ups came to fix the problem. Soldier pressed himself into a corner, and even though he was muzzled, he begged not to be punished. Killing a non-target had been a particularly bad offense when they were first training him. Through the muzzle, he went unheard. Soldier almost went into cardiac arrest, he was so scared.

The higher up looked around. He lightly kicked one of the bodies. He left, without punishing Soldier. Later, Soldier learned that it was the techs who had been threatened with punishment—it was the techs who were at fault for the murders, not Soldier. Soldier could kill anyone wanted. Everyone (except Solider) was replaceable, and HYDRA’s most valuable asset was to be kept alive, active, and happy. Things got really good for Soldier after that.

Solider learned to speak up on missions, after that. A goon would try to suggest a plan, and Soldier would (politely) explain why it wouldn’t work, and if the goon pressed harder, Soldier pressed back. Soldier hit a goon across the face, with the metal arm, too. He took seven bullets to the back in retaliation. The goon who had fired on him never appeared again.

When Soldier walked through the hall, people got out of the way. Even in his weakest, most vulnerable states, people tiptoed, they were careful around him. There was yelling in the lab one day and Soldier screamed at the overstimulation and everyone went deadly silent. It was amazing.

Soldier was valuable. If he could’ve asked for anything, he would have gotten it. HYDRA loved him, and they did their best to show it. Sometimes, goons were even offered to Soldier, as a way to blow off some steam for Soldier, as a punishment for the goons. As if Soldier was an angry volcano to which the people made sacrifices. Soldier beat the victims into the ground and imagined they were people who deserved it, even though Soldier always had trouble keeping track of exactly who that was. The techs would clean the blood off his hands and seem grateful just to be alive, that Soldier’s wrath wasn’t turned on them. When they bound Soldier, or put him on ice, it was totally different than it had been at the beginning—they weren’t putting away a toy, they were restraining a dangerous creature. Soldier liked being dangerous, he liked when the HYDRA techs were afraid of him.

It was hard not to think about it, sometimes. Bucky could still remember how that had felt.

Being a good guy was hard. Objectively speaking, things were more difficult when you cared who lived and died, when your goal was defense rather than attack. Being Soldier had been easy. Being deprogrammed-Bucky was hard.

He’d visited Pepper after Tony’s funeral, trying to make amends. Pepper had let him in her house, and offered him coffee. They talked for a long time. Bucky wished she’d been there before, when he’d really needed a buffer between him and Tony. Pepper showed Bucky the house. Her and Tony’s child, Morgan, was watching a movie in the living room.

It was some new Disney thing. Bucky remembered when Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs first came out in the 1930s, but now Disney was huge, a household name. This movie wasn’t animated like Bucky remembered. It was about famous Disney villains’ kids, Pepper explained. On the screen, a girl with white hair looked at the camera with wide, green eyes.

“Don’t you ever miss screaming at people and making them run away from you?” she asked.

Bucky froze. The boy in the movie told her that no, he didn’t miss that, why would any normal person miss doing extreme violence on their enemies—Pepper was saying something.

“It’s a cute movie,” Pepper laughed.

“Yeah,” Bucky said. He swallowed. His throat felt dry and horrible. He excused himself, he was sorry, but he had to leave, he had to get home. That night, he almost threw up, kneeling over the toilet on the cold bathroom floor. He didn’t miss HYDRA, he didn’t miss killing people, he didn’t miss making people scared…

There were plenty of people who were still scared of him, anyway. Bucky took deep breaths and managed to stand up. This was yet another thing that he would not explain to his therapist. He didn’t miss HYDRA, that was true. He didn’t want to kill or hurt anyone ever again, also true. But did he miss the days when he felt more in control, like the only thing that mattered was his physical strength, and problems were “how hard do I hit” and not “how much money do I have for groceries this month” and “how do I talk to people” and stuff like that? He had to admit, things were hard now. Sometimes, he did miss when things were easy.

“I’ll help you in case you forgot. Sharon was branded enemy of the state, and Steve and I were on the run for two years,” Sam said.

Bucky wanted to roll his eyes. Sam was so great at listing things that had happened, but had conveniently forgotten that Bucky had spent a good chunk of that time frozen in Wakanda, voluntarily suffering over a year of nonstop nightmares while Shuri tried to figure out how to deprogram him. What Bucky wouldn’t have given just to be on the run.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna live the rest of my life la vida loca,” Sam was saying.

Again, Bucky held back the urge to eye-roll or make a sarcastic comment. What did Sam think Bucky’s life was like, anyway? Maybe living on the run would be an upgrade from the dark apartment with no bed or anything. There had been that farmers’ market with the good plums in Romania…actually, Bucky couldn’t go back there. That was where the SWAT team had tried to kidnap him after the UN thing, and rule number one of being on the run was no going back to where you’d already been…but there’d be other farmers’ markets.

“We just got our ass handed to us by super soldiers, and we got nothing,” Sam sighed.

Bucky suddenly had a bad idea. There was another super solider out there…Isaiah was still around. Sam would like to meet Isaiah, Bucky was sure of it.

“Not entirely true,” Bucky said. “There’s someone you should meet.”

[doof-doofblog]

"Do You Really Think You Can Live With That? Do You?!"

Tuesday 16th February 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope you're all having a good week! As promised, I'm making sure I catch up completely so by the time tonight's episode (Thursday) is aired, I'll be able to review that tomorrow morning! That way I'm all up to date along with the rest of you! There's quite a lot going on in the soap at the minute, I'm really looking forward to seeing which direction the storylines will go! Monday's episode ended with a bit of a surprise - Phil and Kat?! Let's see if things follow up from that! Anyway let's jump straight into Tuesday's episode.

The first thing I'm going to focus on is Ash and Peter! So the episode begins with them returning from a night out, it looks as if they've been out all night drinking, as much as Peter is eager to keep fun going, Ash is adamant that she wants to go home as she's beginning to feel really rough. However, once again Peter still attempts to hit on her, I don't know about you guys, but is anyone else finding Peter, I don't know a bit, desperate? She jokes that even if he was to run around the Square naked, she still wouldn't be interested in him, but then her innocent joke turns out to be a bet, something which Peter decides to go through with. Later on when Ash is home sobering up, she receives a knock on the door. to her shock Peter is stood on her front door step, wearing a cape and joking gear, however, taking her up on her bet he decides to strip down to nothing, wearing only the cape and jog around the Square. Of course the locals, including Ash and Stacey enjoy watching the show Peter puts on for them, personally - I found it cringeworthy - I don't know, some people might've found it funny, I mean as respectable as the way it was filmed, I just found it cringey! But the one part I did find hilarious was when Peter got so far and actually ended up falling flat on his face! I have to admit, I did laugh out loud when that happened, not meaning to be harsh! It eventually becomes clear that Peter has really injured his head, so Ash takes it upon himself to rush him to the hospital, however this decision soon becomes her biggest mistake.

Whilst Peter is getting seen too, the nurse is constantly getting interrupted to handle other situations, Peter notifies that he's in agony and begs Ash to give him the morphine he's been prescribed. However, Ash knows full well she's not supposed to as she's not on duty, but seeing her friend pleading for the pain relief, she actually gives him the dose of morphine. Unfortunately, she should've stuck to her guns and not given him the dose, a nurse returns and sees the medication has been used, clearly someone has tampered with it or giving it to Peter without their knowledge. Peter claims to have done it to himself, but the nurse isn't convinced, Ash was the only one there who knew how to prescribe the morphine. Ash is in very very deep water right now, giving a patient medication, whilst not on duty, dressed in her pyjamas and also smelling of alcohol, this is not going to look good on her records. She ends up being suspended and under investigation! Peter has now caused his friend to be in deep trouble. I really don't know about you guys, but I really hope that Peter and Ash do not become a couple, I think Ask could do so much better than him! What do you guys think? Am I being unfair or do you maybe think the same thing? I've love to hear your thoughts!

--

The second thing I need to talk about is Iqra! I really do feel for her going through all this, knowing that her girlfriend lied to her and that her sister has now moved away and is pregnant with someone who is stuck in prison for something he didn't do! But since finding out the truth, knowing that Ruby was also involved with the attack against Martin, Iqra is finding it really difficult to keep quiet. Whilst in the Cafe, she happens to notice Martin walk in and attempting to be the polite neighbour she asks how is wife is, acknowledging that she hasn't seen his wife for a while, but when Martin mentions that Ruby isn't drinking at the moment, Iqra makes a joke asking whether or not she's pregnant, of course the look on Martin's face says it all and Iqra is surprised to hear the news, she congratulates him regardless. Martin begs her not to say anything as it's early days in the pregnancy and no one else knows, as Martin makes a quick exit, Vinny appears and approaches Iqra as she's sat alone, she tries to appeal to her good nature, trying to persuade her not to give up on Ash, he understands her disappointment for being lied to, but pleads her not to punish Ash for standing by her family and for something that actually he did instead of her. As much as it hurts her, there's a brief look she gives that looks as if that she's think that what Vinny is saying is true, all Ash was doing was really looking out for her family, regardless of the horrendous outcome. Later on as she's leaving the Cafe, she happens to witness the events taking place in the Square, (Peter running around naked), as she watches on she notices Ash from across the Square cheering Peter on. Iqra knows that she can't see herself getting back with Ash, there's too much water under the bridge and she appears to be moving on anyway, it's blatantly obvious that Ash and Peter have been flirting and Ash has done nothing to stop Peter's advances towards her. Iqra decides to escape the scene in front of her and head to the Vic.

Later she happens to spot both Ruby and Martin. It looks as if enough is enough for Iqra, why should Ruby enjoy what she's got while she knows her loved ones are having to suffer, especially considering that Ruby is to blame for everything. She discreetly congratulates Ruby on her pregnancy news, however Ruby looks mortified. Martin informs her that Iqra guessed, it's then that Iqra drops quite few hints regarding that fact that Habiba is pregnant and alone whilst Jags in prison. Ruby doesn't even bat an eyelid, informing her that her family issues has nothing to do with her. Interestingly, Martin mentions that he's glad that Jags is prison, of course from his point of view his children could've lost their Dad becomes of what he did - ONLY JAGS DIDN'T DO IT!!! As Martin leaves the Vic, Ruby warns Iqra to stay out of her marriage, but Iqra knows that Ruby has gone way too far, eventually she gets the courage to confront Martin, visiting him at home, knocking on his door and revealing the truth, Ruby was to blame for his attack as she was the one who paid Vinny to rob the shop! It wasn't Jags who attacked him, it was Vinny, but Ruby is to blame just as much as he is! Will Martin believe Iqra? As far as I know, things aren't going to be looking good for Ruby, I believe her world is going to crumble around her. Do you think she'll deserve it? Will Martin confront his wife?! I'm really eager to see where things go from here!

--

The final thing I need to mention is Phil! So during the previous episode, we saw Max searching high for low for type of documents of some kind, eventually he found a memory stick which hold all the criminal past of Phil! In this episode, it becomes perfectly clear why Max is looking for information on Phil, he takes it upon himself to give him a visit. He warns him that he has ever piece of criminal history on him on that memory stick, blackmailing him, teasing him that the police would have a field day if they got their hands on it. Phil knows he has to act fast in order for him not to pass it on to the police, he questions what Max is after, asking him how much money he is wanting in exchange for the memory stick. But Max isn't interested in money, instead he drops the bombshell that he wants him to sign the papers of the Queen Vic over to Mick Carter. Of course, in Max's mind, he's doing this for Linda - if he can get Mick his pub back, then Linda will be free to leave her husband and have a life with him. Unfortunately, I can't see it going that way. Phil is stunned and claims that it's not that easy as it's Sharon's home, but Max also states that the police will also be interested in learning what they both did to Ian. It comes to Phil's realisation that Max isn't messing around, he could ruin them if he didn't follow his instructions. Max announces that he'll give him 24 hours to get the papers signed over to Mick, otherwise the police will come knocking. Phil, at this moment, is kind of stuck in a corner. As much as it hurts him, he knows he has to inform Sharon.

Poor Sharon has absolutely no idea what's been going on. I find it funny yet awkward and cute that Sharon is hopeful in getting back with Phil. As she's chatting away with Jean, Jean acknowledges that she and Phil belong together - obviously, both of them are completely unaware that Kat had slept with him the previous evening. As Kat thinks on her feet, unless it's the guilt that's starting to eat away at her, she attempts to be nice to Sharon, mentioning that she could do so much better than Phil, she's a good looking woman and could have any young stud man she wanted. However, Sharon seems to take her compliment completely the wrong way, suggesting that Kat is mentioning someone like Keanu, who we all know she had an affair with. Kat tries to apologise but Sharon is having none of it, the two powerful women clash and Kat storms out. As she does so, she notices Phil waiting at the bar, it's then she mentions to him that she'll be ready for round two whenever he will be. Do you think Phil and Kat could become a new couple? Will this be more than just a romp? Who knows? Eventually Sharon notices Phil waiting at the bar, as she approaches him he asks whether they can talk privately. Jean eyes Sharon in a hopeful sort of way, getting poor Sharon's hopes up, but unfortunately Phil has only arrived to deliver the bad news. She's furious to learn about Max's threats and voices her fears about losing the place she loves most. However, Phil tries his absolute best to make her understand that having the Vic will not replace Dennis, plus the pub was bought with bloody money, how will she be able to live with herself knowing that? At least if they sign over to Mick Carter, everything would be legal and completely above board.

Will Sharon agree to giving the pub back to the Carter's? She's already been threatened by Linda, now Max is also threatening to go to the police, it looks almost as if they have no choice. I'm sure Phil won't see Sharon out onto the streets, but it looks as if if they want to keep the police away, they're going to have to do what they're being asked. How else can they make this problem go away? Overall, a really good episode I thought! I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next! I apologise for this post being late but I'll be back again tomorrow following Thursday's episode! Please feel free to leave me a comment or message, I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of the current storylines! Enjoy the rest of your day folks! Love you all xXx

[reckoningss]

The Shield - Part 6

Summary:  Homicide detectives Mia Wallace and Thor Odinson are partners with a reputation for closing tough cases. The latest, however, proves to be more difficult than the others as the two contend with a killer with an interesting MO, an overbearing District Attorney, and unreconciled feelings.

Pairing: Detective!Thor x OC (Mia Wallace)

Wordcount: 1.4k

Warnings: None

A/N: Mia - a glutton for pain - is at it again.

“I’m sorry,” stammered Mia, “I must not have heard you correctly.”

Captain Fury narrowed his eyes at Mia’s reluctant tone. “Oh, you heard me perfectly well.” 

Mia shook her head, ignoring a sharp elbow to the ribs from Thor. “But that doesn’t make any sense.”

 “And why’s that?” Fury had adopted an expression that the pair was all too familiar with - like a snake tightening into a deadly coil, preparing to strike.

“How are we supposed to run an investigation if we’re babysitting the DA around the clock?” 

Turning his back on them, the captain strode down the hallway back toward the squad room. “With grace and dignity.”

“Captain, seriously!” Mia was fighting the urge to launch something at the back of his shiny, bald head as she and Thor trailed behind him. “We don’t have the kind of resources to provide protective custody. We need the feds.”

The trio spilled into the squad room and split apart. Fury rounded on Mia with his face drawn in authoritative indignation. “Well, we don’t have the feds!” The squad room fell silent, other detectives inconspicuously listening in on their tiff. Detective Banner raised a warning brow at Mia over his glasses before returning to the report he was typing up. She pretended not to notice. “Our guy hasn’t crossed state lines yet, and they’ve got bigger fish to fry.”

“He’s targeting a District Attorney! That’s got to mean something!”

“It means that we’ve got to keep her alive long enough to try this case.”

Mia pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as though she could, somehow, make the whole situation go away by ignoring it. She took a deep breath; maybe a softer approach might make Fury see things from her perspective. 

“Captain,” Fury didn’t look at her. He was too preoccupied with shuffling through a stack of files from Detective Barton’s cluttered desk. She knew he wasn’t really reading them. “We’ve already got a lot on our plates. DA Carter is already watching over our shoulder, holding her hand through this process isn’t going to make things any easier, or faster for that matter.”

The captain snapped the file in his hand shut, pointing it at the center of Mia’s chest. “Well she’s who your perp is after, isn’t she? It seems to me that this makes your life a lot easier. The DA brings the perp to you and you get to protect the DA. Case closed. Two birds - one stone.”

Mia looked at Thor where he leaned against their shared desk, arms crossed, mouth shut. Thanks for the backup.  “Captain, there’s no good reason that you can’t put some uniforms on this.”

“I did. You’ll be overseeing them.” 

Mia opened her mouth to counter again, but Fury shot a hand up, one thick finger pointed at her. “And that’s that on that.”

Effectively silenced, Mia turned to Thor again, this time with a look of sheer desperation on her face. “Thor, you can’t be ok with this,” she whispered, “You know what our caseload is like.”

Noticing the increasingly dark expression on Captain Fury’s face, Thor grabbed Mia by the crook of her elbow and smiled tightly. “I just need a moment to speak with my partner.” He didn’t wait for permission, not that the captain looked particularly inclined to provide it.

For the second time that day, Mia was being pulled from a critical confrontation by Thor, and she was livid. When he had finished dragging her into an empty office, Mia wrenched her arm from his grasp. 

“Thanks for all the help out there, partner.” She was steaming. 

Thor pinched the bridge of his nose. “Wallace, why are you so intent on pissing Fury off?”

She flung her arms out wide. “Why is Fury so intent on sacrificing us to the DA?! He’s been riding us ever since we caught this case.”

“Can you blame him? Half the city is watching this unit.”

“Sharon put us on blast today and now we’re supposed to babysit her until we catch this guy? You know what this means - her constantly checking out work, second-guessing our decisions. Trying to tell us how to run this investigation!” 

Thor closed the space between them, reaching out to hold Mia’s shoulders and look into her face. “Mia, come on. This guy’s gunning for her.”

She rolled her eyes, looking anywhere but at her partner. He tightened his grip. “She’s not you. She can’t defend herself. Not from this.” 

Mia stiffened in his grasp. All of a sudden, she wanted to be doing anything other than having that conversation in that room with Thor. And she would do just about anything to get out of there. 

“Fine.” Her tone was hard, a lot harder than she’d ever used with Thor before. She noticed the confused expression on his face and softened a little. “You’re right. We’ll make it work.”

Her efforts were rewarded with a weak squeeze of her shoulders and a transparent smile - concern visible beneath it. Mia returned the smile - equally unconvincing - and gently stepped out of his reach. This was horrible; it was no good. She could feel the foundation of their partnership fracturing inch by inch, and when it finally crumbled she wasn’t sure what - if anything - she would find intact beneath the resulting rubble. 

Mia followed Thor back into the squad room to face Captain Fury. The captain was waiting for them, arms crossed, with an expectant look on his face. “So?”

Thor dipped his head, sparing a reassuring glance for Mia before looking to the captain. “We’re going to make this assignment work. We accept the responsibility.” Mia remained stone-faced and silent beside him.

Fury nodded. “Good to hear. Go home. Get some rest. Detail starts tomorrow night and I expect some good news about the status of this case before then.”

“Give me something, Doc.” Mia had barely been able to sleep the night before and it was telling on her. Her head was buried in her hands while Dr. Strange flipped through their updated report. Thor sat in his usual spot - propped up on the edge of the desk as he threw a stress ball against the wall. 

Strange pushed the file away. “There’s not much more to go on, even after this most recent attack.”

Thor caught the stress ball in his right hand and squeezed it. “Anything you can glean will help us, Dr. Believe me.”

Dr. Strange blew out a breath and leaned in. “Well, this guy is definitely impulsive. It took him less than a day to lash out at the DA - add to that the fact that he did so on an open street with his face uncovered...He took a very big risk. He probably couldn’t stop thinking about her attacks on him all day.”

Mia took a swig of the energy drink sitting on her desk and grimaced, it went down jagged, like battery acid. “It set him off.”

“Yes.” Strange pulled a crime scene photo out of the file. “Here. Here he revisits the violence from the previous crime scene. He sees women fighting back against him and it’s deeply personal. How dare they?”

“So what does that mean for us?” Thor slid off the desk and stalked over to Mia’s side, placing a hand on the desk and leaning down to look at the picture. 

“I’d wager he’s going to take another shot at the DA in the near future. He’s not going to want to take her public excoriation sitting down. He wants to punish her.” 

The partners shared a look, Mia twisting around in her chair to look up at Thor who checked his watch, pulling back the sleeve of his jacket to see the face. 

“That’s our cue.” He slapped the psychologist on the shoulder as he headed for the door. “Gotta go pick up the kid.”

Mia rolled her eyes and downed the rest of her drink as she rose from her chair. 

Dr strange straightened the pages of the file and then, remembering something, called after them. “Whoever this guy is, somebody knows him. He’s self-important, talks a lot. Probably harasses women, talks down to ‘em. If you think he’s from the straights, ask around. If you’re in the right place it won’t take long to find someone he’s rubbed the wrong way.”

Thor offered a thumbs up as he headed down the hallway. Mia smiled and uttered a, “Thanks Doc,” as she closed the door.

Part 7

[artificialqueens]

The Devil Named Sharon Chapter 7 {Shalaska} - imafuckinglibra

Hey, hi, how are you? I have so many other stuff to write but you know what I picked the most neglected fic I have so enjoy my children. Some fluff, some frankly traumatic smut, and some comfort bc god knows I’m out of practice and this is a bit rushed, I apologize. Anywho imma go look at the shiny new ring I got my hopefully soon to be fiancé enjoy k bye

“Yours.” Alaska repeated just as she had done earlier in the morning after Jinkx had left Sharon’s office and left her battle axe of a boss in this horribly foul mood that came to bite her in the ass. Multiple times.

First when she barked at her for forgetting to put her bottle of sparkling water on her left instead of her right.

Then when she ordered to have her lunch sent to her office in 15 minutes even though she good and goddamn well knew it was impossible to get from the upscale Manhattan restaurant in less than 25 on a good day.

As soon as the poor delivery boy soaked in nervous sweats arrived with perfectly cooked steak, side of grilled in season veggies drenched in some sort of vinaigrette and the standard order of pompousness that came with each of their meals arrived however, Sharon simply scowled at the food.

Disgusted by it’s presence and just how nonchalantly it sat there watching her across the room. “What’s this?”

“Your…lunch?” Alaska hesitantly and very confused by the lack of praise for completing, what she had deemed and rightfully so, an impossible task.

Instead she simply drop her bag and oversized black coat onto Alaska desk as she marched past it into the big glass framed office where the food stood. Dismissing her meal with a displeased shove on the side of the plate shaking the contents enough to fall off onto her desk.

“I said I’m having lunch with you do you remember or are you completely retarded?” Another bite in the ass.

“Uh…” Alaska stammered unsure of how to respond.

“Are you, completely, retarded?” Sharon looked up from under her lashes to snarl at her the longer she took to think of a response. “Good thing you’re pretty.” She grunted picking up a few mock copies of other runway related magazines, securing them under her arm as she made her exit again.

Slapping Alaska’s cheek even as her mouth still gapped open and shut in a dazed panic before she dug her nails into her cheekbones. “I’m hungry, let’s go. Pet.”

“Who do you belong to!?” Sharon repeated her question with her authoritative growl turning into a blood curdling scream through her dark empty eyes.

“You…” Alaska futility again tried to follow commands with whatever dignity she had left so utterly exposed under Sharon’s relentless wrath.

She had brought the younger girl to her apartment under the rouse that it was to pick something up before going to lunch with her roommates.

Instead Sharon had managed to push her into the living room with hunger, torment, unexplainable fury and too many pent up emotions heavy in her heart scaring Alaska down to her core.

Inciting both terror and passionate lust that rushed down her thighs and back up through her veins, bringing her to a state of helpless obedience when Sharon sprawled her open next to the fireplace.

Her legs dangling off the old leather ottoman to the side of the room and her tight red leather dress that stuck to the matching material of the furniture pulled up over her flat, taught stomach.

Bunching up in a sticky mess below her protruding ribcage with the top half of the hidden zipper in the back pulled down enough to allow the top half to be pried off her chest enough that her braless breasts could hang open for Sharon’s desire.

Following orders as the eager to please pet usually did despite the foggy haze of bewilderment and excitement she soon found her self repeatedly having to affirm her ownership to the older.

The repeated “yours” slipping through her messily smeared lips even as her chest heaved, her ribs’ outlines poking through her skin as she kept the firm pressure she was told to on the small swollen bundle of nerves Sharon’s index and middle finger had prodded over merely minutes ago before they slipped through her lips inside her.

“Rub your clit.” Sharon breathed out tightening her left hand’s fist around her neck to push her thumb into Alaska’s pressure point. “Harder.”

Thanks to the ever tightening vice grip on her throat Alaska found it increasingly difficult to breathe let alone obey, and when her boss noticed this sudden lack of cooperation she mumbled something inaudible to herself and had her thumb take over the job.

Using the momentum of the force with which her fingers were pounding into her petite hole to push her closer and closer to the edge Alaska had already been toppling over.

She also noticed how Alaska was getting dangerously close to blacking out, her lack of consciousness growing as clear as the bruising already forming under her fingertips on the pale porcelain skin.

“…Sharon…” Was all Alaska managed before she realized her words weren’t coming out, her words now just barely moans as her eyes rolled back into her skull.

Her face turning a dark, dangerous beet red as her eyes teared up further from lack of oxygen, the droplets now streaming down her cheeks as she again tried gasping for air. “Sha…”

“Keep going!” Sharon ordered harshly pounding her fingers deeper into her. “Push through this baby.” She mumbled so softly under her breath that Alaska couldn’t even hear it over her broken babbles and incoherent whines.

“…I…p…”

“No! Do not disobey!” If Alaska had been paying attention, well if she’d been able to, she would’ve noticed the sobs of guilt filling the room wasn’t her own.

But she was too lost, too far gone to even comprehend her own surroundings much less pick up on the war raging inside Sharon as she watched with a heavy heart how the frail boney hands tried clinging to the wrist around her jugular.

“Atta girl.” Sharon praised her for her perseverance, hiding the hitch in her breath. “There you go, cum baby.”

“Tha…thank.” Alaska’s voice failed her once again as her long built up climax crashed down on her. Knocking whatever wind was left in her out if her body as she wormed around in ecstasy.

Her knees drawing closer to each other like magnets to squeeze Sharon’s hand so tight all movements halted. The hands around her wrist grabbing on tighter, scared without her she’d fall apart even though Sharon had already let go.

“Good girl.” Sharon praised softly, wiping the stray tear out of her eye, focusing all her efforts now on the broken body beneath her. “You did so good, honey.” She placed a kiss on Alaska’s forehead.

“Thank you jesus for cutting your nails.” The smaller blonde eventually laughed to lift her own spirits as a way of fighting of showing just how drained she suddenly became.

“Sh, don’t talk too much.” Sharon cooed pulling her up slowly to put her on her lap where she could hold her closely. “Do you think you can go back to work?”

“No.” Alaska breathed out still regaining any form of composure as her spent body sunk into the arms holding her so tightly. Sharon’s lips pressed against her forehead where they whispered sweet nothings, comforting her racing mind.

“Okay. I’ll have the life raft fill in.” Sharon eventually reached for her phone to inform who she assumed would be Detox of her duties for the day while Alaska began drifting to and fro sleep.

She felt like she had just run a 40 mile marathon and her orgasm had been the final 10 mile stretch that she had to push through. But God it was well worth it.

She came like she never had before, pleasure washing over her entire being so violently she doubted she’d ever be able to come down from the high it gave her.

Not that she wanted to.

“Was that a treat?” She finally asked lifting her sleepy eyes up to stare up at her boss’s beautiful blue eyes that had softened once again. “Or a punishment?”

“Which did it feel like?” She asked wiping the hairs off her sticky forehead to place another well earned kiss, this time lingering longer than she needed to take a deep inhale of her sweet shampoo and perfume that she’s grown accustomed to whenever Alaska walked into her office.

“I can’t tell.” She admitted almost to honestly.

“I’m sorry.”

“I liked it…I, I hated you for a second but I liked it.”

“You’re always so blunt.” Sharon scowled down at her unsure of how to take this sudden declaration.

‘I know I went too far but hatred? Really?’ Sharon internally said the words she didn’t have the courage to say out loud in the possibility it could offend the young girl in her lap.

“You say that you like me or you take care of me but sometimes your love just feels down kind of…cruel.” She let her words flow freely still high of her undeniably glorious orgasm and the delicious scent of Sharon’s perfume against her nose buried in her neck.

“I know it seems malicious but it’s not.” Sharon’s softened tone began harshening again as if she was shielding herself from her own words. “I needed to remind myself I was in control. I needed you to make me feel in control.”

“You’re selfish. That’s why people can’t stand you, but they put up with you because you scare them. You don’t want to be in control you want to make people fear you so they don’t see that you’re scared of them.” She continued burying her head lower into the bosom beneath her like a child cuddling up to their parent. Pulling the arms she had around her in tighter to let Sharon know everything was alright.

“I don’t need to explain myself to you or anyone.” Sharon snapped. “Do you need a ride home?”

“No. I need you, I’m not scared of you or letting you control me because I know how protective you get over the things you care for.” She continued taking the risk to tilt her lips towards Sharon’s for a much needed kiss.

Too her surprise instead of her display of affection and, what can be taken as frankly quite rude words, being returned with a slap to the cheek Sharon kissed her. Refusing to release her lips until she needed breath but even then never letting their lips linger apart for more than a split second.

Her groggy mind growing even more foggy in her embrace, not even registering that Sharon had picked her up till she felt the lush carpet beneath her feet where she was ordered to the bed. “Sleep off what you need here and when you wake up go home, I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Okay.” She discouragingly mumbled looking down at her feet when the older placed a kiss on her cheek as a rushed, distracted goodbye with her phone already in hand.

-

When she woke up god knows how many hours considering it felt like she’d been asleep for at least 40 years she realized she was still in Sharon’s bed where she had crawled in earlier to recover, for lack of a better word.

“Get dressed.”

“Huh?” She looked to her side following the voice to see Sharon sitting by the counter attached to the mirror next to the big walk in wardrobe with no make up and her glasses on.

This wasn’t the first time she’d seen her looking so bare but she had to admit it was still such a foreign sight it nearly knocked the wind out of her.

Her naked eyes red and tired, her naturally pale rose tinted high cheekbones and plump lips a pale pink highlighted in the reflection of the small hand held with the circular light around it.

Clad in nothing but a thin lace bra with patterned ridges ending above her ribs and a matching set of high waisted panties with the garter already clicked in place attached to long brown silk stockings.

“Get dressed, we were invited to dinner.” Sharon instructed again rubbing some sort of creamed primer into her face.

“But I…”

“You can get dressed and go with me or go home. Pick.” As she gave her the ultimatum she began walking over to where Alaska had been sitting with the covers pulled over her naked chest.

Pulling the straps of her bra that had been hanging over her arms up over her shoulders as she approached her to look at least some what more put together.

“But I’d really love it if you went with me.” She sincerely smiled cupping the young girl’s face.

The smell of expensive perfume and the cigarette she’d been smoking that rested in the ashtray next to where she’d been sitting lingering in the air before the smell of the cream on her fingers hit her too.

“Okay.” She smiled halfheartedly shuffling out of the covers. “What time is it?”

“We have about an hour and a half to get dressed.” Sharon informed her without needing to look at any clock as if she knew everything even time itself, which she probably did.

There had been too many times since meeting her that Alaska considered if her eccentric / lover was really some supernatural being.

But then she’d usually think back on the image of her humming songs while she cooked breakfast or how she purred when she slept. Small things that made her seem so vulnerable and human Alaska craved for more every time she’d look at her.

Disregarding the young girl entirely now that she’d gotten her spoiled way Sharon proceeded to walk back to where she was before where a chic yet much more casual outfit than what either would normally been wearing laid. “I already took a shower, take one too and than put on the panties I put aside.”

“Is that mine?” She ignored the order much to Sharon’s annoyance who grabbed her wrist tightly before she could touch the white tank top she’d aimed for.

“If you’re a good little girl.” Sharon purred removing her hand from her wrist to give her naked ass a hard slap. “If not you can go back to that sad excuse of an apartment naked for all I care.” Letting her palm slide along Alaska’s behind and down her thigh as she turned around.

“You’re the boss.” She sang in a sultry voice while walking into the brightly lit bathroom, turning first to look behind her and lick her top lip playfully. “Unless you WANT to punish me again.”

“Dinner first, play afterwards.” Sharon smirked with a smug half smile returning to her make up that laid spread out on the table top.

Taking her sweet time to relish in the feel of the scolding water rushing down her petite body Alaska stood still for a minute with her eyes shut and her face to the wide copper shower head.

Wiping her palms with the thick rose scented shower gel over her face she washed away any trace of exhaustion still on her eyes as if it was as easy as her leftover make up.

Her aching muscles tired after the draining day soothed by the jet of water pouring down onto her shoulders and washing any evidence of their encounter on her thighs away.

When she was finished she slipped on the underwear next to the towel Sharon had set aside for her and returned to find her lover already half way through doing her make up, almost hesitant to disturb her but decided the kick she always seemed to get out of Alaska wearing whatever she picked out was worth it.

“Pleased?” She asked sliding the door open to let the steam out into the dark eery bedroom as she stood with her legs together, her ass sticking out a bit further and her arms apart so Sharon could examine her naked body in just the pair of sheer white panties.

“Put it on and give me 30 more minutes. Change in the bathroom I don’t want you bothering me.” Sharon ignoring her display grumbled motioning to the outfit she tried admiring before.

‘What a waste.’ Sharon thought staring at the best view she could’ve ever asked for - Alaska’s ass in a thong. The younger who’s back was turned to her already wiggling into her shirt clearly not noticing the side eye staring or salivating lips. ‘I can never keep white clean.’

The younger blonde had to admit she was more than somewhat worried about the fact that Sharon had neglected to give her a bra but she shook off the doubt by reminding herself that the older knew what she was doing.

Not to mention the thought of being so on display without having to worry about anyone even daring to bat an eye at her, knowing she was the great big scary Sharon Needles’ girlfriend send a bolt of confidence like no other through her.

“Now?” Alaska asked again putting on the same little showcase after she’d put on the thin, almost see through tank top that just barely showed off her perky tits and high waisted blue pants with white stars scattered about and thick red stripes down the sides. Matching the sewn in suspenders she had already strapped over her shoulders.

Instead of the reaction she had hoped for Sharon simply flicked her now elegantly painted eyes in her direction with a contorted frown and handed her two hair ties from the bottom drawer of her desk with her left hand as her right continued effortlessly blending some sort of white into her cut eye crease. “Let the suspenders hang loose and put your hair in buns, then come sit next to me.”

“Yes ma’am.” Alaska rolled her eyes hoping Sharon didn’t pick up on it but the spank on her rear showed differently.

‘Yes ma’am indeed, sly minx.’ She praised her young pet for being so self assured she dared show her attitude. Finding this new bravado quiet endearing.

She was the perfect blend of independent yet obedient, she knew when and how to stand up for herself and could take on anything or anyone she wanted to - even sharon.

Yet she never defied an order or hesitated to please her every whim, no matter what curveball she threw at her.

After doing as told Alaska had to admit she looked pretty fucking cute. Her outfit was, albeit inappropriately revealing thanks to the shirt’s thin material and the fact that it was short enough to expose a part of her ribs, quite perfect, just like any the older always picked for her. Dressed down enough that it was casually fitting for a dinner yet fashionable enough that she wouldn’t look too out of place entering a room with the industry icon.

“Perfect.” Sharon dropped the brush she’d been using on the table, admiring herself in the mirror from a few different angles making it difficult for Alaska to tell if she was talking about herself or her girlfriend. “Come.” She tapped the empty spot on the bench next to her.

As full of surprises as ever, to which Alaska should’ve been used to by now, Sharon carefully picked the tube of foundation that best matched the younger’s skin tone from the group of products lined against the edge of the table.

With her middle finger delicately holding her jaw still she began the process of turning Alaska into someone who looked like they could be off the cover of Runway itself.

“Like I said earlier it wasn’t a punishment or a treat, it was purely because I was so angry I didn’t know what to do with myself and you’re the easiest thing to take it out on. If I hurt you too much I apologize, just know it hurt me more than it did you.” Sharon finally admitted after what felt like an eternity of silence.

“I get it.” Alaska flicked her eyes to Sharon’s, her face scrunched in concentration as she moved to blending in the contours that showed off every perfect edge of her face into her foundation.

“Just know if you can push through like you did today you’ll want for nothing with me, understood.” Sharon sat back with her fingers now digging into Alaska’s jawline to keep her attention.

“Yes.” She nodded and with a satisfied nod Sharon leaned in for a quick kiss before reaching beside her to tap off some excess black dust on her brush. Tapping the same black eyeshadow with a hint of red undertones she’d used on herself onto Alaska’s lid.

What the younger didn’t realize and probably wouldn’t realize until many years later was that Sharon wasn’t trying to break her down or degrade her. She in fact taught Alaska how to be stronger.

She taught her just how much she can actually endure and helped her learn how to push through any obstacle to get what she wanted. Just as Michelle had taught her all those years ago, in a different context but it still applied.

“You’re my girl, I’ll look out for you come hell or high water, and tomorrow I’ll buy you new furniture…and new scarves.”

“You don’t have to.” Alaska began laughing at Sharon’s struggle to keep a straight face at her own joke before she scolded her for not sitting still. “Fine, but if it wasn’t either that means it was a test?”

“No.” Sharon pursed her lips and shook her head.

“Then what happened to you?”

“Told you, I was angry.”

“So I get that every time you’re angry?”

“No.” She repeated the same monotonous way she did every short answer as if either her questions were boring her, which they probably were hence why she was warned never to ask anything, or because she was so focused. Maybe both.

“I can’t figure you out.” She worryingly whispered opening her eyes to look at what her lover was doing when she was finally given permission too.

“That’s the idea, careful not to smudge the liner it might not be fully dry yet.” She ordered packing her make up neatly back in their places while Alaska simply shook her head unsatisfied with the answers.

Catching her off guard Sharon took hold of her with her arm around her waist and the other with the brush still between her fingers on her cheek.

Leaning her back down to kiss her passionately and softly, their lips remaining locked for longer than Alaska could keep track of till Sharon eventually pulled away and looked between her eyes. “You may be my pet but you deserve better, I’m not as bad a person as people think.”

“I know.” Alaska admitted. “That’s what I keep trying to tell you.”

“What can I say, I’m stubborn.” Sharon shrugged with a more playful smile than normal helping her back up. “Help me get dressed and then we’ll finish your lips, alright?”

Going in theme of casual yet classy as with Alaska’s outfit Sharon wore a perfectly tailored pitch black suit with a white button up buttoned only halfway to show off her ungodly gorgeous cleavage and a loose satin black tie hanging around her collar.

Her hair slicked back completing the sleek androgynous look with her pair of thick rimmed black glasses and a dark smokey eye with blood red lip’s matching the red in Alaska’s pants completing the look.

“When I say I’ll listen to anything I mean it, I believe like fashion or any other art form music can be beautiful or hit home in any way shape or form.” Sharon explained away the Manson shirt Alaska had found as she fished around her make up drawer filled with more tubes of lipstick than anyone could ever need. “That being said, tilt your head, there are still good and bad and those who don’t know the difference aren’t worth my time. If you express yourself through what you listen to, wear, paint whatever and it’s shit, people know you’re shit. Open.”

With her fingertips holding Alaska’s jaw as if it was fine delicate china that she was admiring the beauty of, Sharon began sliding the tube of pale nude lipstick as neatly as possible onto her lips.

Alaska of course keeping as still as a mannequin to avoid damaging any of her work. Finding it difficult though thanks to just how erratically fast her heart was racing, the thin material of her shirt suddenly felt far too tight as butterflies fluttered about in her stomach, making her feel almost lightheaded.

Nothing moving except her eyes that flicked to and fro from Sharon’s hoping she could try and capture this moment and save it forever. Save this feeling of being loved, being cared for before she whispered. “And I am?”

“Perfect.” Sharon answered in a calm caring voice with a half cracked smile, sitting back to admire her handy work but more importantly the girl underneath it. Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek as a reward in the same way you’d give a child a gold star.

While she was packing away any stray make up products that she had forgotten back where she’d found them originally Alaska seized the opportunity to finally examine herself as a whole.

Her dark eyeshadow and thick winged liner contrasting the subtle highlights and contouring blended into her foundation that ran all the way down her neck to hide the bruises she’d received earlier. Her nude lips a damn near perfect match to her skin tone just slightly tinted on the redder side making her lips look bigger somehow, juicier, if she had to pick a word.

The monochrome look of her make up playing beautifully off her bright outfit and ditsy styled hair, she worried she’d look silly or overly cutesy next to Sharon’s sleek no nonsense business attire but the pair ended up somehow matching perfectly with subtle elements matching together. As always.

“And we’re only 10 minutes late, you ready?” Sharon asked, her finger’s crawling onto the exposed abdomen next to her as she joined her date for the evening in viewing their reflection as though it was a fine work of art.

“As I’ll ever be.” Alaska whispered inhaling a much needed deep breath to aid her in standing up taller, more confident and ready to face whatever may come.

-

But dear God above nothing couldn’t prepared her for this.

“Not much has changed since college, has it? Hi mama.” Chad, ‘not that Chad’, as Jinkx had put it earlier greeted Sharon with wide spread open arms to hug her so tight Alaska eventually became jealous.

She looked like she had everything on her face sliced, injected, carved or pumped more than just once or twice…or thrice even Alaska noted in a childishly sour grapes fashion to Danny who she spotted and collided with almost as soon as they got there.

In an uninterested and frankly uncaring, border lining on rude, fashion Sharon had shoed Alaska towards the the sidelines with the boy, snarling at his audacity to greet her.

“If I have to even smell your pathetic existence near me again tonight I swear to God.”

“He’s my friend, be nice ple…shit.“ Alaska tried defending him hoping if anyone could soften her up she’d be the one to do it but the abrupt nails digging into her ass that made her yelp loudly said different.

Her cheeks turning even brighter red than Sharon’s lipstick when she saw the eyes of their fellow dinner guests looking her way.

“You’re fucked.” Danny huffed under his breath behind his hand, playing it off as a cough.

Sharon however dropped her head into her neck, so close she could feel her warm breath on her skin sending shivers down her spine as she whispered into her ear. “The idiot finally got something right, now show off those good manners I taught you.”

A chill shot down her body again sending goosebumps to flare along the exposed skin on her ribs and along her arms as she thought back on Sharon’s words.

“I hope I look that good at her age.” Danny shifted his hip to rest on his other boot, looking somewhat uncomfortable in the suit he was wearing that Bianca probably forced him into.

“Which one?” She asked taking the drinks they’d been ordered to get for their bosses. Examining Sharon up and down as she had done many times before realizing she’d never stopped to think about her age. “How old is she?” She accidentally whispered out loud.

“37…but I’d rather be like B.” He quickly rambled off in her direction as they approached the group of reminiscing woman that now included the host of the evening as well. “She’s everything I wanna be when I’m 57 - ouch-uh!” He whined when Bianca slapped his arm.

“Hey I heard that asshole!” She scolded making Alaska laugh, a laugh that was quickly hidden when a not so subtle glare and a disapproving shake of her head was thrown her way by Sharon.

“Go see if they need help in the kitchen, make yourself useful.” Bianca took her drink from him and pointed with the glass of white wine towards the door next to the bar.

“You too.” Sharon threw Alaska’s way.

“Wait no.” Chad stopped her. “I want to take a look at this outfit first, you pick it?”

“No, Sharon did. It’s not what I’d normally wear.” She began explaining looking down at her half naked chest, the comment making her blush proudly. “But I actually love it, it’s very cu…”

“Yes yes, you’re very fetching dear, now go fetch.” Sharon rolled her eyes in her usual uninterested fashion to keep herself from staring too much as Alaska sauntered off following Danny’s lead.

She founding herself bonding with her fellow assistant almost too easy, conversation flowing freely and inside jokes already sticking between them.

Jinkx however who had been stirring some kind of soup when they went in hadn’t even gotten so much as a how are you from her.

She still had an off sense of competitiveness towards the older ginger and after seeing her so casually and over friendly with Sharon in her office that morning she was ready to dip her face in said soup.

Not that she was a bad person, she seemed pleasant enough but something about her made Alaska’s gut bubble with jealousy.

“How much longer you think it’s gon’ be?” Bianca came into the room at one point to check on the dinner’s progress soon after Jinkx had taken the soup starter off the stovetop.

Alaska wouldn’t normally have been this nosey but seeing Bianca’s arm so lovingly thrown over Danny’s waist, a sight she didn’t ever get to see at the office, made her curious. And envious.

It made her long for Sharon more than anything else, it made her wish the older woman would come in and do the same.

Envisioning her forearm with the small bat wings tattooed on it wrapping around her ribs to pull her into her embrace where she would drop her head into her collar for Sharon to place a peck on her forehead.

Running her fingertips and her freshly manicured, considerably shorter thank God, nails through her tangled hair and across her scalp, disturbing the cute puffy top knot buns.

She’d then say something witty and annoyed about Alaska always coming undone so easily and they’d laugh it off while she fixed her hair for her.

But none of that happened.

She knew none of that would happen but still a girl could dream. Even when another woman with big black hair and a sweet Disney esch voice came in to introduce herself and help with the meal preparation she kept daydreaming.

Pictures of Sharon’s hand wandering across her inner thigh like they did at the Runway gala, or even her fingernails scratching up and down her forearm that laid on the table while they ate their meal flashing through her mind.

Taking her back home when they were done after their final glass of wine or coffee where she’d pull her into her lap in the big lush chair in the living room.

Kissing her with as much passion as she did while they were getting dressed but this time she’d be able to return it. Able to run her hands up into Sharon’s hair with no concerns of getting smacked, no concerns of being scolded for messing up her hair but just soft kisses along her jaw.

Then she’d take her to bed where she’d sit on her face and then fall asleep with her arms around her, whispering how much she loves her as they fall asleep together.

But somewhere the back of her mind began producing images of Jaremi too. Her little scenario reminding her of him too much - trying to keep up appearances of a happy couple all night but then getting home where they’d fight, fuck and go to bed.

“Let me touch up your lips before dinner.” The voice of the woman she’d been fantasizing about spoke behind her.

“What’s wrong with them?” She tried, and failed, shaking off the sinking feeling in her gut. Hoping Sharon wouldn’t pick up on it if she didn’t turn away from the dishwasher where she’d been busy placing the utensils they’d used away.

“You smeared them, c’mon. Here.” Sharon’s heels could be heard clicking into place behind her.

When Alaska finally turned around ready to obey she was met with Sharon standing closer behind her than she’d expected, just one small step separating her from the finger pointed at the ground.

She also noticed for the first time that in her daydreaming the others had already left to go dish up for their waiting guests and that Sharon had taken off her coat.

The sleeves of her button up tucked into her pants now rolled up over her elbows exposing the tattoo she had envisioned wrapping around her.

“Now.” Sharon sighed when Alaska took the step forward. Unrolling the tube of lipstick she’d kept in her purse while her other hand kept her face still. Her thumb sliding softly over her cheekbone as a small act of comfort. “From one weirdo to another who’s done this one too many times before, why are you hiding away in here?”

“Was just thinking of this paper for my end semester I have to - “

“Bullshit.” Sharon stopped her harshly, bringing up the other hand as well to tilt her head to the side so she’d have to look her in the eyes. “Tell me.”

“I was hoping you’d come in here, and then you didn’t and I…I started thinking about Jaremi…” She admitted waiting for whatever negative response she’d get.

“Do you want to go back to him?” She asked with a hint of protectiveness in her soft voice to which Alaska feverishly shook her head no. “I’m just catching up with old friends, baby. God I can’t let you out of my sight for a minute.” There it was, that comment she’d been waiting for. She had to admit her heart skipped a beat from knowing Sharon so well, that or she was just way more predictable than she’d care to acknowledge.

“I’m good though.” She lied making Sharon lift her brows knowingly. “I will be, I’ll be good don’t worry.”

“Atta girl.” Sharon smiled at her kissing her forehead, her lips lingering against her scalp a minute before placing a kiss on her lips too. “Now c’mon, you’re being rude by making everyone wait.”

-

“Can I ask a question?” Alaska finally asked when they got into the ride home.

“It you have to.” Sharon groaned rubbing her eyes with her thumb and index finger.

“Why the pants?”

“Sorry?” She looked up confused from under her lashes, her hand still hovering over her forehead moving towards Alaska’s back.

“You always pick really showing dresses for me, why pants?”

“I didn’t trust either of us in skirts tonight.” She admitted, leaning closer to her so she could graze her hand up from her knee to her inner thigh where it gave a tight squeeze as her other hand drew her in closer so she could kiss her neck. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands from wandering.”

Alaska released an involuntary moan and instantly felt her cheeks growing red, embarrassingly red. Quickly squeezing her legs shut to avoid Sharon’s hand repeating what it had done at dinner.

Shortly after they’d returned to the dinner table Sharon introduced her to her ‘prodigy designer’ Giovanni, a young boy who recently turned 20 that she’d been grooming to be one of the greatest names in fashion before he’s even 25.

The same one who so politely complimented her pants, reciting the way it was made and how there had been exactly 5 of them made thus far before he asked who the genius was that designed ‘the simply fabulous garmet’.

To which she blushingly smiled acknowledging him as said genius and started a conversation about how Raja’s punch had to be avoided at all costs unless she also wanted to end up in Hoboken in just a poncho. After that they all sat down to enjoy their well earned meal.

Almost all of them, Alaska hadn’t even taken one spoonful of her soup before she felt Sharon’s fingertips graze against her crotch. Playing it off as simply missing when she tried to take her hand so they could say grace.

After that eating felt impossible, every time she’d let her guard down to eat she’d feel long lanky fingers prodding through the fabric at the soft part of her inner thigh right next to her clit.

Granted it wasn’t all bad. Throughout the night aided by copious amounts of fine wines that were expertly paired with each dish and a lot of reminiscing Alaska had gotten to know the human side of Sharon.

Not just glimpses here or there but she actually seemed to enjoy herself, laughing with the group as they recounted stories of their college days together. It was as if she could picture herself and her roommates joining in in 10 or even 20 years and they’d still be as cheerful.

Halfway through the night there were no longer and snuck stares or longing gazes between courses at each other, Sharon’s hand was either resting on Alaska’s thigh or holding hers. It was better than any of her fantasies could’ve conjured.

By the end of the meal while they were having coffee before dessert the topic had switched to their assistant days at Runway. When Chad held Bianca’s position and she was merely a credited deigned in the back pages.

And while they were in full nostalgic swing Sharon rested with her hand in her palm as the other leaned across to scratch lazy patterns and shapes into Alaska’s forearm.

They were finally at peace, and she wasn’t ready for it to end.

“Told you if you were good you’d get to play.” Sharon growled in her ear tugging at her lobe but releasing it just in time so the driver opening her door wouldn’t catch them.

Sharon strutted as powerfully and effortlessly as she always did into her apartment building with Alaska nervously dawdling behind her all the way till the elevator where they were met with a young ish looking couple who quickly ran out when the saw the ever fear striking Miss Needles walking their way.

“Never gets old.” Sharon winked in her direction when the doors closed behind them.

She’d waited for Sharon to suddenly pounce her like she had done that first night together behind these very closed doors but instead the older woman had seemed far too distracted with some business email on her phone.

Giving up on the prospect of being ravished right there and then Alaska took a deep breath and slowly released it again, feeling like for the first time all day she could take a breather without the fear of what might happen to her next. Or the impending cloud that loomed over her scared of what impression she’d make on the other guests.

“Let’s go, my beautiful little girl.” Sharon stroked her hand with the back of hers, cocking her head when the elevator doors opened.

With a possessive hand on her hip Sharon lead her towards the front door where she told her to remove her make up, undress carefully to avoid ruining the outfit and then wait for her in bed while she finished her work for the evening.

Like the good little pet she had grown to be and honestly sick to death of having to walk around in the ungodly tall boots she had been in all night or the thick make up, she made her way up the stairs and into the en suite bathroom.

Just like she had done earlier in the evening she rid herself of any troubles, metaphorically of course, with two square cotton wipes and a simple tug of her pants.

Carefully stepping out of her shoes as well as the far too expensive pants but deciding to keep on the top since it matched the now, thanks to Sharon’s relentless teasing, ruined panties.

Making her way to the oversized bed where she’d napped in earlier after splashing some cold water on her face.

Sitting up on her knees first she double checked that she was once again, and 100% authentically this time, Alaska. Alaska plus some new bruises but Alaska none the less.

“God they would not stop droning on would they?” Sharon exasperatedly sighed leaning against the bedroom door with one hand so the other could take of her pumps. “That top is cute on you by the way remind me to get you another one.”

“Why another one?” Alaska inquired to no avail, scooting over to the edge of the bed where Sharon had plopped herself down onto with her pants already unbuttoned.

She began helping her undress by first sliding off her jacket for her. “Thank you my love, my neck is killing me.”

“Can I?”

“You may.” Sharon corrected her as if correcting a child, running her fingers through her hair while Alaska leaned over her shoulders to unbutton her shirt further as she began nipping along each new piece of exposed skin.

Aided in her unclothing process when the older stood up and turned to face her so she could grab the bottom of the shirt and pull it out of her pants before she carefully maneuvered it off as well.

Hesitantly at first kissing her stomach where some faint red lines had formed on her skin from the tight pants digging into her. Her eyes locked on Sharon’s every move, even the way her chest rose and fell rhythmically.

God it was like everything she did was beautiful, and she couldn’t keep herself from looking away for even a second in case she missed it.

“Let me go take my make up of first.” Sharon took one of the hands creeping into her pants along her waist, kissing her knuckles before she removed her pants herself and wandered off into the bathroom.

Repeating the same process Alaska did but adding an extra step in which she washed the product out of her hair first.

Flicking off the bathroom light so it would really look like she was Nosferatu himself as she sauntered back towards the bed now in just her ungodly sexy lingerie and nothing else, not even a stitch of make up.

“You’re pretty.” Alaska yawned wiggling her butt so she’d be sitting more comfortably on her knees as she watched Sharon slip the straps of her bra off and unhook her garters.

“Unhook me please.” The older asked disregarding her compliment with her back turned to her. Giving Alaska a grade A view of her perfectly curved ass while she helped her remove her final items of clothing. Even her panties. “Thank you.” She smiled turning around to crawl onto the bed with her.

Her hand stretching on onto Alaska’s bare stomach to give her a hard push so she’d smack down onto the bed.

Crawling over on top of her towards her face, or that’s how it seemed from Alaska’s point of view, instead she stopped when she reached her navel.

Taking two small bites along each hip bone as her eyes stayed locked on the glittery browns of Alaska’s eyes she lowered herself onto her elbows, tilting herself lower so she’d be able to lean back on her knees and give the pool of lust that stained the thin white panties a long slow lick.

“Oh fu…” Alaska breathed out dropping her head.

Sharon’s cheeks spread into a devilish grin as she watched Alaska worming around in the sheets from just one small touch. “This is gonna’ be fun.”

She placed another quick kiss right where she’d licked and then another on her thigh next to it, then between her hips, then her navel. Continuing till she reached Alaska’s neck where she carefully, making sure she didn’t hurt her, bit into the bruises on her neck before giving each a lick.

Her fingers sliding across the fabric as carefully as possible while her free hand held the back of her head, coaching her up to look her in the eyes.

“If you’re still sore tell me okay?” She made Alaska promise first before she sat back up, straddling the smaller girl’s waist to hook her hands into the cleavage of her tank top. “But we won’t be needing this anymore.”

“I thought…” Alaska instantly jumped up onto her elbows in a panicked daze when she saw Sharon pulling her arms apart to rip the shirt straight down the middle. “That’s worth more than a year’s world of my rent and you just…”

“Tonight.” Sharon interrupted her matter of factly with a kiss. “I don’t care.”

Another kiss.

“No rules.”

Another.

“You can touch.”

Another.

“Kiss, cum, scream.”

Another.

“As you please.” This time instead of a kiss she sat back pulling Alaska up into her lap. “No rules, no restraints. You know why?”

“Hm-mh.” Alaska bit her lip to hide her cheeky grin as she shook her head, drunk of Sharon’s touch.

“Because, I love you.”

[phxse-shifter]

interference (dr. x/ kaito)

words: 1904

summary: trying to get dr. x to say ‘sorry’ is like trying to convince the devil to ascend back to heaven (a previous written fic with an addition [part 2] ).

part 1.

“Can you do nothing right? Must it always be some sort of mishap with you? It’s as if you’re incapable of doing a simple job without fail!”

“I got it done, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter the execution so long as it’s done!” Kaito retorted, not at all pleased with Dr. X’s criticisms.

This always happened. It always happened. Kaito would choose his own method of completing a job and it would be so wrong he endured these constant lectures from Dr. X that included one too many insults from him which led to Kaito just… Becoming so unhappy he shut himself away.

Yes, maybe the methods he chose was a little risqué… However, it didn’t, in his eyes, warrant this–the questioning of his intelligence (which he hated), unfair punishments like being unable to work in his own laboratory, and overall just making him feel like shit.

“Doesn’t matter the execution?!” Kaito’s previous statement was repeated by Dr. X as if he sounded ridiculous. “You looked and sounded like a madman. I’ve to doubt that you even got your credentials honestly. How long did it take you to get them again?”

Kaito opened his mouth as if preparing to speak, but then slowly closed it. That… That hurt him. That hurt him tremendously. He looked embarrassed, as if Dr. X said that in front of everyone and virtually humiliated him. Even if he didn’t do exactly that, Kaito still felt that way. He didn’t even want to try to defend himself anymore. His eyes felt like they were burning. Damn it, he wasn’t going to reach that point, not in front of him. There was time to do that when he was alone.

There was no stopping emotion.

He tried one too many times to do that.

“Y-You’re full of shit,” Kaito says, letting tears run down his face for mere seconds before he wipes them away furiously. “…But okay. That’s okay. Perfectly okay. It means nothing to me. See? Means n-nothing.”

Yet Kaito felt the tears coming again and decided he didn’t want to show that disgusting display again and abruptly turned on his heels and walked away not caring the repercussion.

There was some sort of bothered look on Dr. X’s face, and even if he wanted to say something, he just couldn’t make the motion to do so.

This is fine.

Kaito sank to his knees, hugged them and let out a loud scream. It was not worth all of this pain. If he couldn’t do what he loved the way he would have liked to, then the cruel years of getting to this point was not worth it. It wasn’t worth having every single year of his studies invalidated within minutes. If he didn’t stop feeling like this he would end up having to take his meds for the second time this day. He usually only took them once as directed. Sometimes it wasn’t enough, that ‘once a day’ but he settled with it knowing full well that the more he did things that made him happy, the more he would feel better.

But it’s so hard. It’s so hard. It’s so hard to deal with this.

He’s crying again. He’s starting to shake and get hysterical. He wants it to stop. He wants it to stop before it’s too late but memories upon memories keep flooding in his head, even ones he swore he’d never be bothered by again.

It was… So difficult for Kaito to reach this point. Getting his PhD was Hell. People thinking he couldn’t do anything right and insulting his intelligence and undermining it when countless times he’s proven them wrong. He took years off from his classes because the amount of stress was so strong he couldn’t function and barely wanted to get up from bed. When he couldn’t sleep he was awake, and drank so much coffee to stay awake at one point the taste now makes him want to vomit.

And this is what happened today. Someone I respected undermined my intelligence, and doesn’t even think I’m worthy of my PhD. I need to sleep. I need to go to my bedroom and just sleep for a couple of hours. I need to calm down. I can’t break myself again. Not because of him.

All Kaito does is get up, try to calm himself down, and goes to wash his face before leaving his lab. He’s closed the door and prepares to enter the code to shut and alarm it when the sight of Dr. X catches his eyes. He was a couple of spaces away, like he was about to come to Kaito’s lab right before Kaito decided to leave.

“Kaito-”

“Doctor,” Kaito narrows his eyes, speaking coldly. “To what do I owe the visitation?”

“Earlier,” he began. “Yo-”

“If it isn’t anything related to my work, then please kindly let me take my leave. I have nothing to speak with you about that does not involve my findings,” Kaito cuts him off.

“Just listen t-”

“Doctor,” Kaito gives a forced sweet smile. “I am currently trying to prevent myself from doing impulse things that I would regret. I am trying to prevent myself from remembering a dark episode in my life. I am trying to prevent myself from feeling things that would make me die inside. I am trying to prevent myself from breaking down for the second time today. I’ll say this to you in the kindest way possible: Leave me the hell alone.”

Kaito, having alarmed the door by now, turns in the opposite direction from Dr. X, leaving him there, unaware of what looked like a pained expression coming from the other.

part 2.

There was no end to the coldness Kaito showed Dr. X. Days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. To him, they were just associates. Kaito did his work as he were supposed to, his skill showing with every creation, but that was it. When he was done, he set it down in front of Dr. X, and turned on his heel, walking away. No explanation, no comment. If he needed something to be clear, he had to go through his daughter, Refia, who didn’t take a liking to Dr. X because of his cruel words to her father.

He searched for opportunities to  get Kaito alone, to speak with him just once, but the man was terribly smart and always was either conversing with someone, or locked within his lab, working for hours on end and getting his tasks done so he could futher avoid Dr. X by locking himself in his room. At last, this opportunity came to him during the annual event of “congratulating” the winner of the Genius League. Everyone knew how that went, especially Kaito, since he was one of the major conspirators of the “Genius League Winners’ Disappearance”, or so the media called it when it happened. He would have no choice but to associate with Dr. X, who he had to report to at all times when this event unfolded.

Dr. X never showed himself, or made any sort of speech during this event. The partygoers were paid to act happy, and the members of the Midas Group were always there to perform the operation. He simply watched from on high from a black tinted screen. He saw Kaito then, who looked at him once, then began to walk. It was that gaze, that said the deed was done. Of course, he followed.

“Where is the body?” He asked, voice low.

“Dr. Sharon’s lab. Sedated and chained down. As usual. I’m leaving no-“

“I want you to stay,” Dr. X cuts him off abruptly.

Kaito chuckled. Now that was different. He usually reacted coldly since this all began, or just simply walked away until he lost Dr. X or he stopped following and let him go.

“You have a body to dissect, Doctor. Don’t let it run too cold.”

x

His anger was taken out on the poor soul that dared to win his distorted League. He didn’t know if he were angry at himself, or Kaito—because how dare he act so defiant to his leader, the very person that could show him why exactly his little rebellion will end? Yet, he did nothing to end it. No punishment, no harsh reaction. He just let Kaito be. Why was his resolve so shaken when it came to Kaito?

No matter Kaito’s words, he visited Kaito once more, allowed himself in, and found himself watching Kaito as he dealt with the viscera Dr. X didn’t tear into pieces out of anger belonging to the precious “winner.” When he were done, he cleaned himself off—the bloody gloves, top, face mask, and stared at Dr. X nonchalantly.

“What?” He asked.

“I want this to end,” Dr. X growled. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I will not allow you to-“

“You underestimated me for the last time, Casimir,” Kaito snapped. “You think you can come in here, with your ridiculous, uncalled for, disgusting, idiotic, CRUEL, insane, and hurtful comments you give to me on a daily basis and expect me not to be upset? The FUMES you must smell from the bodies you burn must have fucked up your brain or something. Your desire for supernaturals has failed you.”

Dr. X—Casimir-- couldn’t even count the number of insults that were just dished out, with divine ease ,by Kaito, nor did he anticipate him having the gall to use his real name, which was absolutely forbidden to be used unless in private. They were in private, but it shocked him to his core. It drives him to grip Kaito’s shirt, pulling him closer. He didn’t know what he wanted to do. The cold gaze he gives Kaito is broken by his mocking laugh.

“I’m not scared of you. Especially since you’re a little lacking in the balls department, Doctor. You don’t even want to do anything to me. Is it that you’re developing a soft spot for me?”

Ah, back to formalities, and a dreadful theory. His hand softened until he released his grip and took a step back. His expression softened.

“And if I have developed this ‘soft spot’ for you? What is your reaction to that? What if I’m doing all of this because I just wanted to fucking  talk about what happened?”

Now Kaito is the one to be taken aback. For starters, Casimir was never vulgar, and second, as harsh as those words were supposed to sound, his expression did not match it, neither did the tone of his voice. He sees Casimir avert his eyes and grit his teeth.

“I regret what I said that day. Are you happy? Look what you are making me feel. I regret it! I wish I never said it! Just so we do not have to reach this part again! So I do not have to see that cold harsh gaze again! So I do not have to hear those words! I regret it! I regret!”

“Regret it all you want, but are you sorry?” Kaito asked softly.

Casimir gripped Kaito’s shoulders, practically in hysterics.

“What do you think?! I… am.”

Kaito wrapped his arms around Casimir then, holding him.

“Alright. It’s alright. Don’t worry,” Kaito reassures. “Let’s forget about it. Let’s move on.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes,” Kaito responds warmly. “I’m certain.”

[ila9182]

Sharon/Andy (the Closer) - 40? Thank you

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for sending this ask! It wasn’t an easy prompt to write (very long one, lot of angst here!), but I hope you will enjoy it all the same!

This piece was loosely inspired by the song “Lose My Mind” by Dean Lewis. So if you want to listen to it while or after reading this, you’ll spot some similarities. This story is set, as requested, in The Closer era, somewhere during season 7! ;)

40. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you.”

The doorbell rang and Sharon wrapped her cardigan tighter around herself as she walked to the door. She looked through the peephole, and once she spotted the familiar silhouette, she sighed and leaned against the door, closing her eyes.

Maybe if I don’t answer, he’ll go away…she thought, but the doorbell again interrupted her thoughts. She clenched her fists and took a deep breath as she heard, “Sharon, I know you’re home. Open the door.”

Sharon stayed silent, holding back her breath, afraid that he would hear her breathing from the other side of the door. This is ridiculous, Sharon, she told herself, shaking her head at her silliness.

“I need to talk to you, please.” He paused. “I have no problem at doing this outside your door, I’m sure your neighbors will appreciate it.”

Sharon could picture him grinning outside her door and she groaned. After a few seconds, she cracked the door open and coldly asked, “What do you want, Lieutenant?”

There it was, Andy Flynn’s renowned grin. She didn’t know if she should feel irritated or amused by it; if she should punch him in the face or roll her eyes at him. She was leaning against her door as he shot back with a cocky smile, “You’re sure you really want to discuss this on the doorstep, Captain?”

Flynn was being cheeky, and while she usually enjoyed their banter, tonight it irritated her. She sighed and let her arms fall unceremoniously to her sides as she walked away from the door without a word. He slightly smiled and stepped in, closing the door behind him. He reached her living room where he found her standing, arms crossed over her chest, an expectant look on her face, “What do you want?” She repeated again, no sign of warmth in her voice.

Andy didn’t answer right away and he took a few seconds to study her. He could tell by how she was standing that she had gone into full defensive mode and he knew it wouldn’t be an easy talk. Sharon must have been studying him as well because she suddenly remarked, “You’re soaked.”

He could swear he had detected some concern in her voice, but if that was the case, she hadn’t let that feeling cross her features. Andy shrugged and replied, “It’s raining… and I’ve been standing outside your building for quite a while, debating on what to do next.”

“Well, I can imagine you’ve at least made a decision since you’re here.” She ironically retorted.

Andy sighed and took a few steps forward, nearing her when he whispered, “Where did I go wrong, Sharon?” He eyed her and he knew she had no intention of answering, so he added, “You’ve been ignoring and avoiding me all day… hell, I woke up this morning and your side of the bed was empty. You were gone…”

Sharon didn’t say a word and as much as she tried to look indifferent, he knew she was fighting a silent war inside her. She was nervously tightening her grip on her arms and if she didn’t stop any sooner, he was sure she would leave marks on her delicate skin. He wished he wasn’t the cause of all this. He hated seeing her like this; shutting herself out as a form of protection, shutting herself out to run away from her own feelings.

“Last night, when we were in bed together…” Andy started but his voice trailed off as he noticed the barely imperceptible reaction on her face. Sharon’s features suddenly tightened and he knew he had found out what was bugging her so much. He cleared his throat as he tried again, “Last night, when we were in bed together… I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you. I lov-…”

“Andy, stop.” She cut him short as she closed the distance between them and stood in front of him, one hand reaching for his lips, silencing him. “Stop.” She repeated firmly.

Andy gently took away her hand holding it in his as he asked, “So that’s what’s scaring you so much, Sharon? You really think that by silencing me you can pretend I’m not feeling that way for you?” He added, a hint of frustration evident in his voice.

“This is not how things should go, Andy.” She whispered, “When it all started, we set rules to which we had both agreed.”

Sharon noticed anger briefly flash on his face as he took a few steps backwards and started pacing in her living room. His voice was suddenly stronger and higher as he nervously replied, “God forbid if for once we don’t follow your damn rules! You know what, Sharon?” He asked her, turning around to face her, “You can’t set rules for everything. Life isn’t about rules, Sharon. Feelings aren’t about rules. You can’t protect yourself, or run away from your own feelings by shutting yourself out with those damn fucking rules!” He quickly neared her again and his face was standing a few inches from hers, “I love you, Sharon, okay?! I LOVE YOU.” He repeated, emphasizing every word, “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did and there’s not a damn rule that can stop this feeling.”

They were staring at each other. Sharon was taken aback by the countless emotions she could read in his eyes. It was too much for her to handle. “Please, go away,” she managed to say, her voice shaking.

“You know you don’t want me to.” Andy firmly replied, his eyes never leaving her.

“Andy, please…” Sharon whispered, her voice breaking as he slid his arms around her and drew her close to his chest. She reluctantly snuggled against him and he kissed her head as she added, “Please, don’t make this more difficult.” She felt him nuzzling her hair and placing a trail of kisses along her neck. She closed her eyes as she felt pressure building against her eyelids. “Andy, we can’t go on like this…”

His lips found hers and they kissed. Before she could give in, she broke the kiss and turned her head away, putting a hand on his chest to distance herself from him. She couldn’t dare look at him, but his pleading voice gave him away. She knew he was hurting just as much as her, “Please, Sharon, don’t do this to me.”

“I’m married, Andy…” She told him, walking away from him, “we can’t keep on, we can’t be anything…”

“Jack left you twenty years ago…He left you and your children on your own.” Andy shot back angrily, not letting her finish her sentence. “When will you start living again, Sharon? Why do you keep punishing yourself like this? Is happiness so damn scary for you to keep running away from it?” He asked her in disbelief.

“You just stop!” Sharon yelled back at him. “I won’t allow you to talk to me like this! Now, please, go away. I won’t repeat it again.” She added as she walked toward her front door, quickly followed by Flynn.

They stopped at the front door and exchanged looks in a silent battle of wills. Sharon wanted him out of her condo; Andy wasn’t willing to go anywhere. They had been staring silently for a while when Andy shook his head and lifted his hands in what seemed to be surrender, “Okay, Sharon… Look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel the same. Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll go away.” He repeated, defiantly. “I’ll let you go, I promise.”

Sharon closed her eyes and sighed as she replied sharply, “I am not in the mood for your games, Andy.”

“This isn’t a fucking game, Sharon. None of all this is a game.” He retorted, “Come on, it won’t be difficult for you to say it if you do think that way. Look at me in the eyes!”

Sharon met his gaze and as strong as she tried to seem, she felt a lump in her throat. Every time she tried to speak, the words died before they even came out of her mouth. She clenched her fists as she took a deep breath and started, “Andy, I…”

Andy looked expectantly at her, fear creeping through him at the thought that she might say those words. “You?” he urged her, the silence between them growing unbearable.

“I…” she started again when her voice suddenly trailed off. She looked away from him as a lone tear escaped her left eye.

She angrily wiped it away, hoping he didn’t notice it as she heard him whisper, his tone incredibly soft, “Why are we doing this to ourselves, Sharon?” He paused, recollecting his thoughts before continuing, “When I called you the night I got attacked, I would have never thought that it would have led to all this. I would have never thought that you would have come back to my hospital room once Chief and Provenza were gone. I would have never thought you would have waited for me outside of my house that night. You said you wanted to inform me I was cleared, but I knew deep down that you were checking on me… I would have never thought all of this would have happened, but looking back, I wouldn’t have done anything different had I known it would have led me to this.” He stopped to study her face. He immediately noticed her glistening eyes, “Why are we doing this to each other? Why can’t we just speak our feelings and go on from there?”

“Because this is just a losing battle, Andy. I’ll never be yours. We’ll just end up hurting each other even more and I can’t let this happen.” Sharon replied in a strained and barely audible tone. “I care too much about you to do this to you.”

Sharon put her hand on the door handle and cracked the door open. She met Andy’s hurt and pleading eyes, and she felt her heart break more than it already was, “Please, Sharon, don’t…”

She shook her head and closed the distance between them. She slid a hand behind his neck, forcing him to lean in as she caught his lips for one last gentle kiss. A tear escaped from her right eye as she slowly broke the kiss off. She gently pushed him out of her condo and he didn’t resist. She avoided his stare as she closed the door on him.

Once Sharon locked the door, she felt a sob rack her body. She put a hand against the door to sustain herself as the tears started rolling freely down her face. Finally, alone in her condo, she felt like she could let her walls crumble down. Other sobs escaped from her mouth as she leaned fully against her door, sliding slowly down to the ground. She brought her knees to her chest as she admitted between sobs, “I love you…”

Little did she know, Andy was still standing outside of her door, a hand against it to support himself as he looked down, trying to control the tears that were pooling in his eyes. A sad smile crossed his features as he heard her muffled voice from the other side of the door that was keeping them apart, “I know…” he replied with a defeated tone.

“And you say goodbye

But you don’t know what it’s like to lose you

‘Cause I only lose my mind when I ain’t got you

And how can I not win when I’m always bound to lose?

When I’m always bound to lose

‘Cause I tried to hold on tight to make you mine, but I lost each time

And I only lose my mind when I ain’t got you”

[little-bookshelf-dragon]

February Wrap Up (Finally)

Okay! So I’m finally getting to this...five days late. Oops. Just to clear that up, I started a reading journal towards the end of February and wanted to do entries for the month of February before making this post. I’m hoping that this will help me organize my thoughts for my reviews. So I can actually... post reviews. 

Anyway. Here we go! I’m going to begin with my overall thoughts and then go into my stats and put reviews under the cut so if you haven’t read these books and want to avoid spoilers you can! 

Overall thoughts on this month’s reading: 

I DNF’d one-third of my TBR this month (two of six. I say one third like it’s so many more than that). It’s a little funny that I had so much more success with the books I hadn’t actually planned to read than my TBR. I’m also kind of surprised that I made it through some of the books that I did, when I DNF’d other books for similar reasons. I did go into this month knowing that this was going to be a difficult bunch of books to get through, 

I think I’m going to have to adjust my Goodreads reading challenge. I’ve already more than halfway through it and its only February. I'm honestly surprised. I didn’t think I was going to make it through the 52 I had planned.  

Stats for this month: 

Total Books Read (Finished): 18 

DNF’d Books: 2

Books I need to Finish: 4

All-Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Saundra Mitchell, et al. 

City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson 

Academic Books: 3

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by  Willaim Shakespeare 

Young Goodman Brown by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

Ratings: 

Five Stars: 5

Four Stars: 7

Three Stars: 4

Two Stars: 2

One Star:  0

Spoilery Reviews Under the Cut! 

DNF’d Books: 

Frozen by Melissa De LaCruz and Micheal Johnston

It was a weird book. In general. And then the Scene that implied sexual assault happened, and I had to stop reading. I just couldn’t bring myself to finish it. 

Ender’s Game By Orson Scott Card

I was having trouble getting into the book in the first place, and then I realized that these were six year old kids. Being trained for war. Against aliens. As I have a sister who’s six, this didn’t sit well with me. 

Two Star Books:

Echo by Alyson Noel 

I was really dissappointed in this book. I really enjoyed the first book in the Soul Seekers book, Fated. I liked the worldbuilding, the relationship between Daire and Dace, the concept of the Echo. But I had too many complaints about this book. Mainly with Cade. I feel like I could have liked him more if he had some actual development and clearer motivations. Though, I think the attempted rape scene was a little much (that’s an understatement.) I think it would be nice if there were a YA book where the female MC wasn’t assaulted, or at least that addresses it properly afterward. 

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

I’m honestly surprised that I finished this one, after I DNF’d another book for similar things happening. I didn't like Feyre much. She didn't seem to have much moe to her character other than painting and hunting. For someone who was meant to be so strong willed, she seemed to change her mind too easily. Rhysand...I don’t know where it start with him. He’s not much of one here, but it’s pretty obvious that they’re setting him up as a love interst in the later books. Can we stop having abusive boyfriends in YA lit? Tamlin was a little pathetic. Maybe don’t alienate the one person that’s your shot at freedom? Maybe? Feyre and Tamilin’s relationship was cute, but it wasn't really all that convincing. 

Three Star Books:

The Maze Runner by James Dashner

The Maze runner was good. I’m not sure if it was good enough to deserve the hype it received. I did not like that there was so much that was left unanswered in the beginning. It’s one thing to withhold information to create interest. It’s another to taunt your readers by having a character ask the questions, and the others refusing to give an answer. I did think the ending was an interesting twist, to stage a ‘rescue’ and then have it turn out to be apart of the trials. 

Love Drugged by James Klise 

There’s...a lot to unpack with this one. At first, the general premise made me feel a little sick. I almost stopped reading it several times thoughtout the book, especially when the chaacters described being gay as a disease. But by the time I finished, I think I understood better. Jamie was being mainipulated, not just by the doctor, but by society to think that way. His journey to discover and understand himself leads to his desperate actions in an effort to escape that manipulation. It’s heartbreaking to know that Jamie's thoughts were based off of off the author’s when he was around the same age.   

Take Two by Julia Devillers & Jennifer Roy 

I was kind of disappointed in this book. I loved the first one when I was younger, so the fact that I didn’t feel the same about the sequel is a let down. Though I guess that might have to do with the difference in age between the times I read them   

Young Goodman Brown by Nathaniel Hawthorne 

Four Star books: 

Mockingjay by Suzzane Collins 

I cried so much reading this book. Katniss yelling at Buttercup at the end broke me. Her “for Prim” before the execution was beautiful (I’ll admit it took me some time to realize she was hinting at what she was planning to do.) Cinna having a part in the rebellion even after his death. The amount that Haymitch cares about Peeta and Katniss. UGH the feels. I did have a problem with the pacing. I felt like all the action was squeezed in at teh end. And Peeta and Katniss’s relationship seemed to seesaw between them in it’s one-sidedness throughout the series. 

Duel Of Fire by Jordan Rivet 

I did not expect to enjoy this book as much as I did. Especially at he beginning, I thought the characters were annoying. But that GROWTH. By the end, I loved the characters. I had a hunch about who the rebels were, but I wasn’t sure until they were revealed. I loved the magic system and world building, and I can’t wait to see how the story will be developed in the next book and the rest of the series. 

Steelheart by Brandon Sanderson

This was my first Brandon Sanderson book and I was not disappointed. The concept was interesting, the Epics having a specific weakness kept them from being overpowered, and I loved the fact that  the “Normal people” weere the heroes (For the most part.) I KNEW there was somehing up wiht Megan. But Steelheart’s weakness completely threw me off. I had so many theories, but I was wrong on all of them. That was a plot twist done well. 

City of Fallen Angels by Cassandra Clare

(I’m actually not going to include my notes here because they turned into more of a rant at the characters than an actual reveiw) 

Galatea by Madaline Miller

I want more of this. Any additional content, I want it. It says something that she felt the only way to escape was to die (And take her husband with her). I REALLY want to know what happened with their daughter.  

The Skin I’m In by Sharon G. Flake 

This is a reread for me. I read tthis book when I, I believe,  was the same age as Maleeka. And at the time, while I had never been in the same situations she’s in, I could still relate to her. Now, as an adult working with students Maleeka’s age, I see my students. It gives me a better insight to what might be going on in their homes, thoughts, and attitudes. This is a book that so many of them should read, just like so many of them could use a Ms. Saunderson. 

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by Willaim Shakespeare

Five Star books:

Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare 

This book. This book. I audiobooked most of it, which meant that I was listening to it in class while working. Which means I cried. During class. This is one of the few love triangles I think I’ve ever really liked and am actually emotionally invested in. I fully understand the hype around this series. I can't wait to pick up the next one.   

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo

After finishing the audiobook, I'm sitting here trying to find the words to describe how much this means to me. How many of Xiomara's thoughts and feelings I relate to. And I just can't find the words. I can't remember the last time a book meant this much to me. Wanting to find my own voice. Beginning to question the religion that has been such a big part of my life for a long time. Feeling like I have to hide parts of myself, my thoughts, my feelings, everything I wish I could say but can't, from people I care about. Wanting my own writing to mean something to others. I wish I could put what I'm feeling into words, but I'm struggling. I cried. I need a copy of this book. I loved it so much.

Saint Anything by Sarah Dessen

I feel like Dessen’s books follow a pattern. I’ve only read three so far, but I’m able to see the similarities. However, that dosn't stop them from being unique. Sydney’s problems are different from Macy’s, whose are different from Collie’s. So while the books are similar enought to notice a pattern,  they’re unique enough to keep the reader’s interest. I wouldn’t say that Saint Anything has impacted me as much as some books have, but I did still enjoy it. Also, a moment of appreciation for instances of sexual assault handled correctly? It's rare to see the subject addressed in a book after it happens. Though I would have loved to see Ames prosecuted. We need to tell girls it's okay to speak up about these things.

Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

I loved this. I’m not even sue how to put it all inot words. First of all, Saskia getting expelled? Excellent. That girl made me so mad. Messing with Lila’s feelings was bad enough, but hen going stalker, assualting her, and then outing her to the entire school? I think I would have liked to see even more of a punishment, honestly. Maybe someting from her parents. LISA. I loved Lisa. I’m so happy she and Leila ended up together. They both deserved to be happy and I’m so happy they got to be happy together. I was so emotional after finishing this book.  

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen 

I’m not going to go too in depth because then this would be way too long but this is my favorite book that I’ve had to read for a calss. Ever. 

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Okay, so for any of you tired of the salt or tired of me complaining about Sharon Raydor’s death or James Duff don’t bother reading beyond this point. You have been warned. Rant will follow.

I just read his latest interview and if I hadn’t been infuriated before, I certainly am now. Every time he opens his mouth he just makes things worse. Basically what you get from this interview is that it’s the fans (Mary’s fans) fault for reacting in such a ridiculous and irriational way to a television show.

I find it interesting that while he continues to use Mary as a shield to hide behind and continues to say he killed Sharon off because he couldn’t end the show the way he wanted with her still alive(though why he needed or wanted it to go down that way I still haven’t figured out and he still hasn’t commented) he has yet to offer up any kind of explanation about why he lied to the fans about season 6. Why he offered it up as a gift and said we would be satisfied and gratified. He’s never commented on that, at least as far as anything I’ve seen.

So, here is my take on the article.

Maybe the fact that there is no hope is what has the fans most upset because they weren’t done yet.

GOD, people really don’t get it. We all understood Major Crimes was finished. We aren’t IDIOTS. We had accepted it. Yes, many of us hoped it might get picked up by another network but that inferno of rage did NOT happen because we were upset that there was no hope for MC to get picked up. That INFERNO was created over the senseless killing off of Sharon Raydor. END OF FUCKING STORY.

And what they are reacting to most is the death of Sharon Raydor (Mary McDonnell), which many didn’t understand why it happened.

Uh, Ya THINK? Did ANYONE other than James Duff understand why it had to happen?

So Parade.com had one final conversation with series creator James Duff, who patiently explained why both he and McDonnell felt that Sharon needed to be laid to rest.

Yep, try to take Mary down with you Duff, it’s what you’ve tried to do since this whole thing blew up in your face. Mary stated in her podcast that HE came to her with what he planned to do with Sharon, she didn’t go to him and say Sharon needed to be laid to rest. She even said that she didn’t want Sharon to die. She had to make the best of the decision that was made--she did NOT make the decision, that was all on JD. Though I’m sure she was probably thrilled to actually have scenes with emotion in them that weren’t revolved around Rusty.

It wasn’t a decision he made lightly or one that didn’t cause him some pain.

I call bullshit. He’s admitted to planning on killing Sharon off before, it didn’t cause him pain, he used her as a means to an end.

What’s really interesting is the controversy about killing off Sharon is still going on, all these several weeks later. What do you want to say to the fans that are devastated by her death?

I’m sorry they’re having an emotional reaction to a television drama.

Wow, could he possibly be anymore condescending. Jesus, at least Mary and Tony and others understand why the fans are so upset and why we were grieving. His response is to look down his nose and basically call us idiots for feeling grief over a television drama. And it wasn’t a “television drama” we were grieving for, it was a CHARACTER we loved, an actress we all love and admire and a COUPLE we loved that was destroyed. We emotionally reacted to THAT. And because it was SENSELESS.

I don’t know what else to say. I have explained it and the story that follows could not have happened under Sharon’s watch.

No, it couldn’t, because Sharon actually had integrity. What he doesn’t say here is WHY he had to end the story that way. It was such a horrible way for the show to go out, losing all its morality and integrity…For what?

I wanted to give Mary something extraordinary

I think he needs to look up what that word means in the dictionary.That was hardly extraordinary. Mary’s only played that out time and time and again--most recently right on the show she did before MC, something called BSG, you should remember James, since you tried to rip it off time and time again.

I wrote a story that made people pay attention to Mary and I feel like I did the right thing. But we also wanted to make sure to give the audience a chance to grieve with us and the passing of our long endeavor.

Okay, so no. No you didn’t. You had your regular viewing audience which spiked highest for her wedding, proving that the storyline you were NOT interested in writing was the one that garnered the most fan interest, then you killed Sharon off and the viewership spiked for her funeral. Yes, extra people (many waiting to binge watch when the season was over)tuned in to see if A. she was really dead  or B. To say good-bye to a woman they loved. I think most people believed her death was a hoax, that Sharon was pretending to be dead and tuned in to see how that played out.  So, yes you garnered attention for Mary but only once her character was FRACKING DEAD, so only the regular viewers, you know the ones who kept you on the air all these years, saw the lame storyline you wrote for Mary to play out until her funeral.  

And as far as grieving goes, are you kidding me? Once the funeral was over no one grieved about Sharon AT ALL. We grieved, but on MC she was completely erased as if she hadn’t existed. Life simply went on, even for Andy.

It was a difficult and painful decision for me. I can’t imagine, although I suppose it’s so, that people don’t believe I grieved very much. I cried while putting together those scenes, especially the one in the church. Also, not just because it was the end of the character, although that was devastating to me as well, but because it meant we were at the end of the show. I fully anticipated that this would be a controversial decision and my email boxes on my Facebook page just filled up constantly with questions about it.

I sincerely DOUBT he grieved at all. Anyone who could so coldly use Sharon as a pawn all these years does not feel anything for her.

But actually, you’re hearing from a dedicated minority of fans, and they are not fans of Major Crimes, but they were fans of Mary McDonnell, and that’s to be expected from that subset of fans. I knew it and Mary knew it. I discussed it with her. I said, “It’s not going to be the same as when we changed over from The Closer to Major Crimes and Kyra [Sedgwick] was gone.”

Again, the condescension from this man is just INCREDIBLE. So, we can’t be fans of Major Crimes and be fans of Mary McDonnell. And he seriously thinks that ONLY Mary McDonnell fans are upset by her death? There are LEGIONS of SHARON fans out there who are upset by her death and also a lot of even casual MC viewers. Are we vocal, yes, and sad to say it’s probably what got Sharon killed off. “That’s to be expected from that subset of fans.“ You can tell from his tone how much he despises Mary’s fans.

Also, yet again, he contradicts himself. Previously he stated that he was taking a lot of heat and people were mad at him but he was okay with that, it was just like when Brenda left and Sharon took over and he had to take the heat. Here he says how different it was. Honestly he’s made up so many stories he can’t remember what he’s said. And of course it was different, he didn’t kill off his precious Brenda Leigh.

I do believe Mary was astonishing, both in the last episode where she appeared in person, and the one in which she appeared in the video. I think the video was amazing, some of her very best work, and that’s what I was trying to accommodate

Oh yes James, how benevolent of you. You wrote that whole horrific sixth season in tribute to Mary. My God does he think we’re stupid. I swear it’s like he thinks he can turn the anger of the fans from him onto Mary. He wants everyone to blame her. And yes, Mary was great as she always is, but “some of her best work” Has he watched BSG?

No, it’s not. I said all along that the end of the story could not have happened had Sharon been there, and that’s the truth. That’s why I said she is like the leader who takes her vision to a new height, but does not get to stay there. She’s actually played that character before on Battlestar Galactica so she’s got that archetype inside of her as part of who she is.

So basically he is admitting that he has no creativity whatsoever and just wanted to copy BSG. HOWEVER, it’s BULL. Sharon had her vision all right. She took over that squad and Rusty Beck and imparted to them the knowledge and power of the law and rules and morality and integrity. And in end they ignored EVERYTHING that she stood for. That is hardly taking her vision to a new height but not getting to stay there to watch it play out. Her vision died with her and she would be devastated by what Rusty and Provenza did. Where is there anything but tragedy in that? To quote Sharon Raydor, “I will have to wonder where I went wrong as a mother.”

People seem angry at me, but I feel like I was reacting to events. I was not moving events, but next to doing something truly spectacular, there’s nothing like rising above something absolutely ridiculous. That’s what I’m doing at the moment.

How was he reacting to events. HE created the events and now he feels like our grief and our anger is “ridiculous”.  For everyone who ever thought he respected the fans, this is how he really feels about them.

To me, it seemed that Rusty (Graham Patrick Martin) had to be the one to kill Phillip Stroh and you gave us that. How do you think he’s going to live with it going forward? We’re not going to see it.

Yeah, we’re not going to see it. That’s why Provenza’s  (G.W. Bailey) already made a deal, and that is with Rusty. He said, “When you graduate, you’re going to work for the DA’s office and you’re going to work this off. You’re going to work this off and you’re going to see firsthand what it is we’re supposed to do.”

That’s supposed to make it better? That’s his punishment for murdering somebody? Yeah, too bad all murderers don’t get such a cushy punishment. Don’t get me wrong, Stroh deserved to die, it just should have been done the right way.

Well, I gave a clue to Rusty and Gus’s disposition at the end of the show. Gus suggests he has to go back to his own apartment, and Rusty says, “Stay,” and Gus says, “I’ll stay forever if that’s what you want.” Rusty takes his hand which is an indication of what will happen with Rusty and Gus.

Of course it is you FUCKER, cause you had to give those two immature dysfunctional BRATS a happy ending and destroy the couple the fans really liked. And how telling it is that when Duff was asked about what he felt the characters were doing now with MC over he doesn’t even MENTION Andy, cause you know damn well he killed Andy when he killed Sharon. Hell, he’d been slowly killing Andy since the heart attack.

But I don’t really know how the show would function in another season because I’ve not thought of doing it. People are urging the concept of novels on me. In years’ past I would have said no way. But the media environment has changed so much, publishing has changed so much, that I might consider it. I would have to figure out when they took place, what form they would take and all that sort of stuff. But I have considered maybe novelizing new stories of Major Crimes.

I wouldn’t read any of his shit if you paid me.

Also I would say that for the viewers, I felt like the threat to Provenza’s continued leadership, which is what Sharon wanted, would be something of suspense, and having Sharon die indicated to the audience that I was willing to do anything at the end, so that’s something else I wanted in the water.

Oh, who fucking cared by that point James. Really. I didn’t hear one person worried about what might happen with Provenza. We were still, you know, grieving for Sharon and many of us were not even watching anymore.

The other controversy — and I read Mary’s essay that she wrote for Variety — was the removal of her name from the credits. Is that standard practice?

It is. It is absolutely standard practice. As a matter of fact, Raymond Cruz wasn’t in the first two episodes of this season, and he was not billed. Mary was paid for every episode by the way, even the episodes in which she did appear, so it was not a financial decision.

No, it wasn’t about money James, it was about respect, something JD does not understand.

It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation, because there were so many people saying they would never watch again without Mary McDonnell. Had we billed her and she not appeared, we would have been accused of chicanery or of misleading people.

Also, there were so many theories about that Sharon faked her death and she would be coming back in the finale to deal with Phillip Stroh, that if we had billed her, people would have been distractedly waiting for a moment that would never appear.

Oh, but remember, James, it was only MARY fans who were upset with you for Sharon’s death. You can’t even keep your stories straight at this point.

So this is a bit of irrationality as far as I’m concerned. If people are determined to be irrational than rational reasons don’t generally meet the need that they’re looking for. But I will also add something my father taught me, which is if you spend your day looking for friends and decency, you’re liable to find that, and if you spend your time looking for swipes in this respect, you’ll find those things, too. With the exception of Columbus, people generally find that which they’re trying to discover.

Yes, I will give you that James. At this point I don’t have anything but contempt for JD and I don’t give him the benefit of the doubt at all,  because he has not EARNED the benefit of the doubt. But, how you can he say we are going to out of our way to find the bad when he didn’t even bother warning Mary about this, and we know this because she wrote an article about it. He doesn’t address this at all.

I would urge Mary’s fans to look for all the ways in which we respected Sharon and all the ways in which we promoted her and pushed the character into the things that she always dreamed of obtaining.

She got her promotions. She got her marriage. She got her kids through college, which, by the way, only made her death more painful and made me, I guess, more loathed by a substantial subsection of the fans. But it’s my job to provoke emotional reactions and I feel like I succeeded.

What a complete and total asshole. If didn’t despise this guy before I sure as hell despise him now. He seriously thinks he respected Sharon? And he thinks that by giving her the promotion, the marriage and her kids through college makes it okay that he killed her? Yes, she got all that and then wasn’t allowed any time to enjoy any of it. And then of course it only made that “subsection” of the fans loathe him more, HELL YEAH, but that’s okay because he’s supposed to provoke emotion. Yes, he did succeed in that. He’s made so many people hate him and also have extremely negative feelings for the TV show he supposedly put so much effort into. If he wanted the negative responses like hate and betrayal, he achieved his goal, what a shame he didn’t put any effort into creating positive emotional responses.

Right and as you and I discussed last time, Mary agreed to it. It was something she also wanted.

Except Mary McDonnell herself said that she wished that Sharon hadn’t had to die.

Naturally if we had not known we were going to be cancelled, it wouldn’t have happened this year.

And there it is folks. Sharon was never going to survive under Duff. As he says here “it wouldn’t have happened this year” if they hadn’t known they were getting cancelled. Duff was planning to kill Sharon at some point, no matter what. I just WISH TNT had waited until he’d wrapped up filming the season and THEN cancelled them. Then he wouldn’t have had the chance to write that shit show of a death and he would have to live with the fact that he had NOT been able to kill Sharon off the way he’d been wanting to do for what appears to be years.

If they just sit down and think about it for a minute, people would realize that you can even create legal problems by billing actors who do not appear. So we followed SAG guidelines here.

Really, because you did it when Mary was on The Closer.

So possible novels, what else might you be doing next? Any thoughts?

I have some development in the works. I think it’s bad luck to talk about it, and I’m also writing a couple of features back to back, but the pace at which features get made is usually glacial, so if I mentioned them now, by the time they appear or don’t appear, people will have long forgotten. And I have a play that I’m finishing.

Please anyone who hears what he is doing, let me know so I can avoid it like the plague.

[wildlyhardphilosopher-blog]

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How Israel Won a War but Paid a High Moral Price

By Ronen Bergman, Foreign Policy, February 3, 2018

On May 18, 2001, a Hamas operative wearing a long dark blue coat came to the security checkpoint outside the HaSharon Mall, near the northern Israeli city of Netanya. He aroused the suspicion of the guards, who stopped him from entering, and then blew himself up, killing five bystanders. On June 1, another suicide bomber killed 21 people, most of them young Jewish immigrants from Russia, standing in line outside a discotheque on a beach in Tel Aviv. The owner of the dance hall, Shlomo Cohen, had served as a naval commando, “but this was the worst thing I had seen in my life,” he said, with despair in his eyes.

By early November, suicide bombers were striking in the streets of Israel almost every week and sometimes every few days. On Dec. 1, three bombers in succession killed 11 people in Jerusalem’s Ben Yehuda pedestrian mall. The next day, a man from Nablus blew himself up on a bus in Haifa, killing 15 and wounding 40.

The offensive did not stop. In March 2002 alone, 138 men, women, and children were killed by suicide bombers, and 683 were wounded. The most atrocious of the attacks occurred on Passover, on the ground floor of the Park Hotel in Netanya, where a Seder banquet was being held for 250 of the city’s poor. A suicide bomber disguised as a religious Jewish woman entered the hall and blew himself up, killing 30 people--the youngest aged 20 and the oldest 90--and wounding 143 others.

2002 was, according to Avi Dichter, the head of the domestic intelligence agency Shin Bet at the time, “the worst year for terror attacks against us since the establishment of the state.”

The Israeli intelligence community had come across suicide bombers before, but it had no solution for it. “What can you do against a suicide bomber when he’s already walking around in your streets looking for somewhere to blow himself up?” said Yitzhak Ben-Yisrael, the head of the Administration for the Development of Weapons and Technological Infrastructure.

Terrorism in general, and suicide attacks in particular, created a strange and frustrating situation within the Shin Bet and the Israel Defense Forces (IDF). They generally knew who was behind an attack but could not get to him deep inside Palestinian-controlled territory. “There was a sense of impotence,” said Giora Eiland, the head of the IDF’s Planning Directorate at the time.

Dichter, the Shin Bet director, had already presented a new strategy to Prime Minister Ariel Sharon during a series of meetings toward the end of 2001. At first, the ministers were hesitant. But at a meeting after the Haifa bus terrorist attack, Sharon whispered to Dichter, “Go for it. Kill them all.”

Since picking off individual bombers was ineffectual, Dichter decided to shift focus. Starting at the end of 2001, Israel would target the “ticking infrastructure” behind the attacks. The person who blew himself up or planted the bomb or pulled the trigger was, after all, usually just the last link in a long chain. There were recruiters, couriers, and weapons procurers, as well as people who maintained safe houses and smuggled money. They would all be targets.

The Israeli security forces did not hold back. Targeted killing operations killed 84 people in 2001, 101 in 2002, and 135 in 2003. Unlike sporadic killings abroad by Mossad, Israel’s chief intelligence agency, it wasn’t possible--or plausible--for the country to deny that it was behind the assassinations.

Criticism of the targeted killings inside and outside Israel also made it necessary to justify each one, disclosing details of the victims’ misdeeds to establish that it had sufficient cause to respond. Gradually, what had once been considered highly damaging--acknowledging responsibility for an assassination--became official policy.

The IDF began putting out statements after each hit. Simultaneously, the Shin Bet, which had previously been reluctant to talk to the media, distributed excerpts of the relevant “red page”--summaries of material about a dead terrorist’s actions--to various news outlets. Israel was completely rearranging its communications policy--fighting, in effect, a propaganda war.

Explaining, even highlighting, what had long been state secrets required new language and new euphemisms. The deaths of innocent civilians during an assassination operation became known as nezek agavi--“accidental damage.” The words “assassination” or “elimination” or, perish the thought, “murder” were seen as inappropriate, said a senior official in the prime minister’s office. Finally, they picked the term sikul memukad--Hebrew for “targeted preventive acts.”

Although these euphemisms may have been helpful for public relations, it was not at all clear whether Israel’s new targeted killing campaign was legal. Not surprisingly, some of the families of the assassinated Palestinians and victims of “accidental damage” didn’t believe so. They enlisted the help of human rights associations and experienced Israeli attorneys to petition the Israeli Supreme Court to investigate and prosecute those responsible.

More surprisingly, the previous head of the Shin Bet, Ami Ayalon, whose overhaul of the intelligence and operational systems had allowed the new assassination program to begin, agreed with the dissenters. He argued that the Shin Bet was killing people without first considering relevant political and international events and that they failed to understand when an assassination would quell the flames of conflict and when it would fan them.

On July 31, 2001, an IDF helicopter fired several missiles into the office of Jamal Mansour, a member of the political arm of Hamas and a student leader at Al-Najah University in Nablus, in the West Bank. He was killed, together with one of his helpers and six other Palestinian civilians, including two children. Ayalon called the Shin Bet command and asked a top-level official there if he had gone insane. “Why, this man just two weeks ago came out with a statement saying that he supported a halt to terror attacks and that the peace process should be given a chance!” The official replied that they were not aware of such a statement. “What does that mean, you ‘aren’t aware’?” Ayalon fumed. “All the Palestinian newspapers covered it! The whole world is aware!”

“I call it the banality of evil,” Ayalon later told me, channeling Hannah Arendt. “You get used to killing. Human life becomes something plain, easy to dispose of. You spend a quarter of an hour, 20 minutes, on who to kill. On how to kill him: two, three days. You’re dealing with tactics, not the implications.”

Israel had not given full consideration to the moral implications of the new program, but it was fully aware that it needed to provide legal cover for officers and subordinates who might later face prosecution, either in Israel or abroad. As early as December 2000, IDF Chief of Staff Shaul Mofaz summoned the chief of the Military Advocate General’s Corps, Menachem Finkelstein, and asked him: “In the current legal situation, is it permitted for Israel to openly kill defined individuals who are involved in terrorism? Is it legal or illegal?” Finkelstein was stunned. “Do you realize what you are asking me?” he replied. “That the IDF’s advocate general will tell you when you can kill people without a trial?”

On Jan. 18, 2001, a top-secret legal opinion signed by Finkelstein was submitted to the prime minister, the attorney general, the chief of staff and his deputy, and the Shin Bet director. The document opened with this statement: “We have for the first time set out to analyze the question of the legality of the initiated interdiction”--another euphemism--“We have been told by IDF and Shin Bet that such actions are carried out in order to save the lives of Israeli civilians and members of the security forces. This is, therefore, in principle, an activity that leans on the moral basis of the rules concerning self-defense, a case of the Talmudic commandment: ‘He who comes to kill you, rise up early and kill him first.’”

For the first time, a legal instrument had been proposed for endorsing extrajudicial execution.

For Finkelstein, a religious man, it was a difficult moment. He was painfully aware that God prevented King David from building the temple because he had too much blood on his hands. Finkelstein, who is now a district judge, wondered if he would be punished one day. “I submitted the opinion with trembling hands,” he told me. “It was clear that this was not a theoretical matter and that they were going to make use of it.”

The opinion fundamentally recalibrated the legal relationship between Israel and the Palestinians. No longer was the conflict a matter of law enforcement--of police arresting suspects so that they can face trial. The opinion posited a new kind of participant in armed conflict: the “illegal combatant” who takes part in armed operations but is not a soldier in the full sense of the word. The term covered anyone active in a terrorist organization, even if his activity was marginal. As long as he is an active member in the organization, he could be considered a combatant--even when asleep in his bed.

The 9/11 attacks muted public criticism of Israeli counterterrorism practices. The very system internationally condemned only weeks earlier was now touted as a model to be copied. “The attacks on 9/11 gave our own war absolute international legitimacy,” Yuval Diskin, a former Shin Bet chief, said. “We were able to completely untie the ropes that had bound us.”

Before the eruption of the Second Intifada, targeted killings had been primarily the secret business of small compartmentalized teams working for Mossad far from the borders of the country. Any moral reckoning was confined to a handful of operatives and government ministers. Once those operations were developed into a large-scale killing machine, however, thousands of people became complicit. IDF soldiers and airmen, Shin Bet personnel, the people who collected and filtered and analyzed and disseminated intelligence--they were all involved, often in more important ways than those who did the actual killing. And by the summer of 2002, no Israeli could claim ignorance of what was being done in his or her name. It was only a matter of time before the security services went too far and violated the legal constraints Finkelstein had placed on them.

Amir was a network intelligence officer, or NIO--a bright young man assigned to Unit 8200, one of the most prestigious outfits in the IDF. He worked, like all NIOs, at a base protected by reinforced concrete, monitoring information. Soldiers like Amir had to decide, for example, whether the speaker in an intercepted conversation was a storekeeper ordering merchandise or a jihadi delivering coded instructions to prepare a bomb. If he made a mistake, innocent people--Israelis on one side, a hapless shop owner on the other--could die.

Officially, Amir and his colleagues at Unit 8200’s Turban base were responsible for stopping terrorist attacks. Unofficially, they were deciding whom Israel killed.

Often, Unit 8200 also picked out buildings to bomb. The bombings were a way to send a message to the Palestinians but also simply a way for Israel’s leaders and soldiers to express their frustration and anger.

On Jan. 5, 2003, two suicide bombers from Fatah’s Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades slipped into Tel Aviv and made their way toward the old central bus station. At 6:26 p.m., they blew themselves up near downtown, killing 23 people. Many were babies or children. The Palestinian Authority condemned the attack and promised to make every effort to apprehend the men who had planned it. The Israelis were not convinced. After all, the bombers came from an organization affiliated with Fatah, which was under Yasser Arafat’s command.

Following that meeting, less than three hours after the attack, the then IDF chief of staff, Moshe Yaalon, decided to bomb Target 7068, the code name for the Fatah branch office in the Gaza Strip city of Khan Yunis. Unlike in the past, this time there would be no warning, and the attack would not come at night.

According to the intelligence available to Unit 8200, the office had no connection to terrorist activities. No activity connected to terrorism took place there, according to Amir, just office work and paying out welfare and salaries. “It was the Gaza Strip equivalent of a labor union local,” Amir said.

Early the next morning, Amir, who assumed the operation would be just another symbolic strike on an empty building, told military intelligence that no one was in the building and that it was safe to start the bombardment. “It’s on hold,” he was told by a representative of the Targets Department. “They’re waiting for the office to open.”

“What? Who are they expecting?” he asked.

“No one. It’s not a particular person; just anyone. Let us know when someone goes inside.”

He thought it was a misunderstanding. The presence of civilians in a building was a reason to stand down, not to strike. According to the IDF’s Code of Ethics, soldiers are required to “prevent unnecessary harm to human life and limb” and to “disavow manifestly illegal orders.” Bombing a building inhabited by people with no combat role--bureaucrats, cleaners, secretaries--flew in the face of that code and Finkelstein’s 2001 legal memo. Targeting civilians, in fact, was an outright war crime.

But there was no misunderstanding. The Targets Department issued a written order so that everyone understood that they were waiting for an “indication” that the building was occupied--in other words, a phone call. Amir’s unit was told not to wait for the speaker to identify himself or for a conversation of any value to take place. Put simply, the intention was simply to kill someone--anyone.

Amir raised the matter with the senior NIO and with the command of Unit 8200. The command said they “understood there was a problem,” and the operation was put on hold. “That satisfied me, and I could go back to my post, which I had closed down, at about 2 a.m., with the sense that the story was behind us.”

However, the next morning, when he sat down to work, he got a call from the Targets Department notifying him that the bombing of the Fatah branch in Khan Yunis was about to begin. Amir objected, but the officer on the other end of the line got angry.

“Why does it seem manifestly illegal to you? They’re all Arabs. They’re all terrorists.”

But by then the operation was already in motion. Two armed F-16 fighter jets were circling over the Mediterranean, waiting for the order. A drone was photographing the building from a distance. As soon as Amir told them someone was in the building, two Hellfire missiles would be launched. Amir decided he would refuse to cooperate.

Impatient calls started coming in to 8200 command from the air force and military intelligence. The operational order required the bombardment to be completed by 11:30 a.m., when children would be emptying into a nearby schoolyard. “This is a manifestly illegal order, and I do not intend to obey it,” Amir told them. “The fact that the commander has declared it to be legal doesn’t make it legal.”

A few minutes later, one of Amir’s soldiers told him that phone calls were being made inside the Fatah building. A man was dealing with wage payments, trying to get money to some employees, despite the hard times in the Palestinian Authority and the ongoing war. A secretary was gossiping about a local gigolo.

That was the go signal. The F-16 could fire. Israel could kill them both. Amir sat in his chair as the on-duty NIO. “A certain serenity came over me,” he recalled. “I felt that there was only one right thing to do. It was clear to me that this operation should not go forward, that it crossed a red line, that it was a manifestly illegal order … and that it was my responsibility, as a soldier and a human being, to refuse to carry it out.”

That evening, the 8200 command sent an urgent message to the head of military intelligence, expressing grave reservations about the operation. It was transmitted to the minister of defense, who ordered the cancellation of the attack.

This was a clear vindication of Amir’s moral stand, but it was too late to silence the storm that the “mutiny in 8200” had unleashed. Unit 8200’s command came under heavy fire from all sides of the defense establishment--even Prime Minister Sharon let it be known that he took a very dim view of what had transpired. The head of the unit, Brig. Gen. Yair Cohen, was summoned to an IDF General Staff meeting devoted entirely to Amir. He should face a court-martial, the officers argued, and go to jail for at least six months. One general went further: “That officer should have been convicted of treason and put in front of a firing squad.”

The military and intelligence establishments were concerned that Amir could be the first of many soldiers to refuse to carry out orders. From the commanders’ perspective, putting down a Palestinian uprising didn’t leave a lot of room for squishy liberal objectors.

Amir’s contention that what amounted to an order to murder civilians was manifestly illegal was rejected out of hand by the military. Professor Asa Kasher, a philosopher and the author of the IDF’s Code of Ethics, was invited by the commander of 8200 to discuss the issue. He believed that Amir’s actions were morally incorrect. “I could not under any circumstances endorse the act of the NIO,” Kasher said. “In the situation that prevailed there, when he was an NIO at a distant base, he lacked the moral authority to determine that the order was manifestly illegal.” Amir was quietly discharged without being indicted, preventing the courts from having an opportunity to determine whether the order to murder civilians had been legal.

The operation in Khan Yunis had clearly violated the guidelines set by the IDF military advocate general--that the target for elimination must be an individual directly linked to terrorism. But that wasn’t the only guideline that was now being breached regularly. There was one that called for an investigation each time innocent civilians were killed along with the target. Another dictated that there should be no killings when there was a “reasonable arrest alternative”--when the terrorist could be detained without endangering the lives of soldiers or civilians. Alon Kastiel, a soldier in the intelligence section of the Duvdevan, or “cherry,” unit (on which the popular Israeli TV series Fauda is based), told me: “Everything about my military service changed after the outbreak of the intifada. Before that, we made very great efforts to capture wanted men alive. After the outbreak, this modus operandi ended. It was clear that we were out to kill.”

By the summer of 2002, the Shin Bet and its partners were able to stop more than 80 percent of attacks before they turned deadly. The targeted killings were clearly saving lives. But there was a disturbing trend in the data, too: The number of attempted attacks was increasing. Rather than wearing down Hamas and other terrorist groups, the assassinations were spawning more and more attackers.

On Jan. 14, 2004, a 21-year-old woman from the Gaza Strip tried to enter into Israel at the Erez Crossing. She had to pass through a metal detector, like all Palestinians. There was a high, pinging beep when she went through the detector. “Platin, platin,” she told the border guards, pointing at her leg--a platinum implant. The guards sent her through again and then a third time. The detector kept beeping. A female guard was summoned to frisk her. She then detonated a bomb that killed four examiners and wounded 10 others.

The woman’s name was Reem Saleh Riyashi. She had two children, one 3 years old, the other only 18 months. A day later, Hamas leader Sheikh Ahmed Yassin called a press conference at the home of one of his followers. He sat in his wheelchair, wrapped in a brown blanket. He was smiling. “For the first time,” he said, “we have used a woman fighter instead of a man. This is a new development in the struggle against the enemy.” The sheikh, who in the past had issued several fatwas (religious edicts) against the use of female suicide bombers, said he had changed his mind. “The holy war obligates all Muslims, men and women. This is proof that the resistance will continue until the enemy is driven out of our homeland.” It was enough for the Israeli government to put Yassin on the target list.

In public appearances, Ariel Sharon also dropped hints that he now saw Yassin as a target. This only led to a tightening of the security around the Hamas leader. He stayed indoors, emerging only to visit a local mosque and his sister’s home, both of which were near his house. He moved between the three points in two vans, one equipped with a lift for Yassin’s wheelchair and a second for his armed bodyguards. His life was confined to this triangle, and he and his underlings assumed that Israel wouldn’t dare strike at any of its vertices--each of which was crowded with women, children, and innocent civilians.

But there were spaces in between those three points. On the evening of March 21, Yassin was driven to prayers at the mosque, with his bodyguards following in their van.

Shaul Mofaz, now defense minister, ordered that both vehicles be destroyed on their way back. There were choppers in the air and drones buzzing overhead, and Yassin’s son, Abdul Hamid, had been around long enough to sense the danger. He raced to the mosque.

“Father, do not leave here,” he warned. “They will not attack a mosque.”

The sheikh and his bodyguards decided to be cautious and remained in the mosque.

Hours went by. After the dawn prayers, Yassin wanted to go home. “Helicopters could not be heard above,” his son said. “Everyone was sure the danger had passed.”

The trackers were still there, of course, and the drones were still watching through thermal imaging cameras. People came out the front door, moving quickly past the parked vans, pushing a wheelchair.

Mofaz requested to speak to the Apache pilot, asking him if he could clearly see the wheelchair and whether he could hit it.

“I see them very clearly,” the pilot said. “I can take them out.”

On the video feed, there was a flash and then a fraction of a second of blank screen. Then parts of the wheelchair flew in all directions, one wheel soaring upward and landing outside the frame, and people lying or crawling on the ground.

The attack on Yassin eliminated Hamas’s most prominent leader; it also killed his bodyguards and injured his son. Soon after taking out Yassin, Israel killed his successor, Abdel Aziz al-Rantisi, and two aides by firing a single missile at his Subaru on a crowded street. Within weeks, Egypt had brokered a cease-fire with Hamas. Thanks to its streamlined targeted killing apparatus and the decisive leadership of Ariel Sharon, Israel proved that a murderous and seemingly uncompromising terrorist network could be brought to its knees by eliminating its operational commanders and its leadership.

The price was paid, first and foremost, by the innocent Palestinians who became the “coincidental damage” of the assassinations. Hundreds of civilians were killed, and thousands, including many children, were wounded and left disabled for life.

The use of targeted killings, however, came with heavy costs. The price was paid, first and foremost, by the innocent Palestinians who became the “coincidental damage” of the assassinations. Hundreds of civilians were killed, and thousands, including many children, were wounded and left disabled for life.

As a high-ranking Shin Bet officer told me, “In the past, when it was all secret and of dubious legality, we could carry out very few hits.” The only question was how many could be done without getting exposed. “The minute the IDF advocate general made these actions kosher, legal, and overt, we opened up an assembly line for assassinations,” he added. “So now our consciences are cleaner, but a lot more folks ended up dead.”

With the ability to kill at their fingertips, Israeli leaders frequently opted for force before diplomacy. The targeted killing campaign may have been a tactical victory, but it was a strategic defeat that further marginalized and delegitimized Israel in the eyes of the world.

David was once again behaving like Goliath.

The excerpt was adapted from Ronen Bergman’s new book, Rise and Kill First: The Secret History of Israel’s Targeted Assassinations.

[artificialqueens]

Affliction (Shalaska) - jazz

Summary: Alaska has commitment issues. Sharon reminds her who she belongs to.

A/N: Almost 3.5k words of non-AU Shalaska for ya, with lots of smut & some angst and fluff thrown in as well! She/her for Alaska, who’s in drag for the majority of the fic, & he/him for Sharon. Warnings for punishment and some slight dom/sub dynamics. Many thanks to Miss Bianca & Alaska del Needles for their sage wisdom & guidance (ily). Scream about Shalaska with me on my sideblog, @artificial-jazz <3

Alaska stood on the front porch of their small, split-level home, willing herself to go inside. It was late and the street was quiet, aside from a stray siren off in the distance. She fixated on the ashtray balanced precariously on the wooden banister and attempted to steady her breathing. She hated cigarettes, but loved the smell on Sharon, stale and smoky and so uniquely him.

God, she was so in love, it hurt sometimes.

It threatened to tear her apart from the inside out, and then piece her back together again with Elmer’s glue. It terrified her, just the thought of loving a person that much, that she sometimes couldn’t take it, she couldn’t possibly handle the pressure of someone falling with her. She’d ruin it, like she always did, basking in someone’s attention for a few months before formulating an escape plan.Commitment had never been her forte – which never used to bother Alaska, until now.

Until Sharon.

Sharon, who insisted that Alaska come move in with him after two months of knowing one another, and who made her soup and let her eat it in their bed. Sharon, who loved her enough not to care that she took up too much space in the bathroom, and who thought Alaska’s laugh was endearing rather than annoying.

Sharon, who liked loud music and old horror films and sheer black tights and, mostly, the way Alaska kissed him.

That’s why Alaska dreaded having to tell him what she’d done tonight. She knew she had to, because she loved him, but she also wanted to spare him the details, because she loved him.

It was complicated and she felt sick.

She turned the doorknob with a shaky hand and braced herself for impact.

Sharon was sitting on the armchair in the living room, reading something, all perfect-looking in his tortoiseshell glasses, and Alaska’s heart broke all over again. He looked up when he heard her come in. She was frozen in the entryway, a deer caught in the headlights.

On an ordinary night, Alaska would curl up in Sharon’s lap, ignoring his groans that he’s trying to read, thank you very much, and nuzzle into him anyway. He would flick through the pages of his novel absentmindedly, and Alaska would memorize the curvature of his face, and they’d be happy.

“I… Something happened tonight,” Alaska began, hesitantly. She couldn’t bear to meet Sharon’s eyes, couldn’t bear to see the anger – or worse, the hurt – that might exist there.

He stood. “What?” There was an edge to Sharon’s voice, a defense mechanism Alaska had become very familiar with. When he saw his partner flinch, Sharon softened. “Tell me, Lasky. It’s okay.”

A jumble of words came gushing out of Alaska’s mouth then, suddenly unable to hold her thoughts in any longer. “It was Katya, and you know there’s nothing there between us, but tonight was… I couldn’t help it, and we were just having fun after her show, but then we were kissing and I didn’t stop her and –”

Sharon raised a silent hand, interrupting her rant. “You kissed Katya?”

For once, Alaska couldn’t read his tone, and it scared her. “Yes,” she replied softly, casting her eyes toward the ground. She fought the urge to cry, figuring that tears wouldn’t help the situation. She’d fucked up, and she knew it.

She has a crush on you, Sharon had told her more than once. I’ve known Katya for a long time, and she likes you.

Alaska had always tuned him out, dismissing the idea as completely ridiculous. Katya was a good friend – a good friend who was well aware of Alaska’s relationship status, no less. She had been pretty sure that Sharon was just doing his whole Overprotective Boyfriend thing, despite having nothing to worry about.

Until tonight, when Katya had, in fact, given him something tangible to worry about.

Both queens were guilty of engaging in their fair share of extracurricular activities while on the road, sure, but they recognized that it never meant anything. Road trade was just that – meaningless and convenient. For Alaska, at the end of the day, there was only Sharon. She couldn’t believe she’d gone and jeopardized that by fooling around with the one person who threatened him.

Sharon left an uncomfortable amount of space in between them. Alaska wanted to close the gap, take Sharon’s face in her hands and plant kisses onto his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, his chin – anything to let him know how sorry she was, how Sharon was the only one she wanted.

“Did you like it?” Sharon asked, barely audible.

Alaska stuttered. “W-what?”

“Did it feel good, Katya kissing you?” This time, he spoke with more conviction, taking a step in Alaska’s direction. He seemed entirely too calm for Alaska’s liking.

She nodded slightly, unsure of the response he was hoping for and simultaneously not wanting to say something that would make things worse.

Sharon disappeared into the kitchen without another word and Alaska deflated, letting out a long breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. She heard the opening and closing of the fridge, the jangling of bottles, the running of water in the sink, and then nothing.

She took a moment to weigh the pros and cons of following a clearly upset Sharonbefore scurrying into the kitchen after him in stockinged feet. Sharon’s back was to her, hunched over the sink basin, knuckles turning an unsettling shade of white due to how tightly he was gripping onto its rim.

“Noodles, are we… okay?” Alaska tried. “It didn’t mean anything, I swear. I’m so, so –”

“Get undressed,” Sharon ordered, turning to face her. “Now.”

Alaska’s cock twitched, and she understood. She recognized the sinful glimmer in his eyes, the commanding demeanor he adopted, knew what was expected of her.

She wriggled out of the little black number she was wearing, slowly, so that Sharon could watch. Her sleek, blonde hair cascaded down her bony shoulders, now bare, brushing her ribcage. She felt exposed, standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing only a pair of skimpy underwear that hardly contained her, but her skin was burning in the best way under Sharon’s intense gaze.

“You deserve to be punished. Don’t you agree, baby?”

“You’re right. I do,” Alaska said, her voice small.

Sharon pressed himself right up against the younger queen, his lips grazing her earlobe. Alaska could feel his erection pressing against her hip. It was dizzying, how attracted she was to him, even now. “You’re mine. No one else’s,” he murmured, more to himself than to her. His breath was hot, and it sent chills down her spine.

“All yours,” she said, fingers twisting in the soft hair on the back of his neck. It was an uncharacteristically sweet moment; she could almost feel Sharon’s muscles relax at the reassurance before he hardened again, pinning Alaska’s hands to her sides.

“You’re not allowed to touch – not yet.”  

She whimpered into Sharon’s mouth as he showed Alaska who she belonged to, kissing her firmly and without warning. Her hands itched for him, needed to trace over his tattoos with affectionate precision and feel his skin, hot and smooth, and the reality that she couldn’t just made her want him more. Sharon was evil, and he was everything, and she was his.  

He lifted her by the backs of her thighs up onto the countertop, and it made Alaska shiver, how strong he was when he wanted to be. She took full advantage of the position change by wrapping her legs around Sharon’s torso, pleasantly surprised when he didn’t chide her for it. Pressing her luck, Alaska reached for the hem of his shirt, Sharon lifting his arms to allow her to pull it off easily over his head. She discarded it carelessly on the tiled floor, next to the small bowl of cat food that sat half-eaten, while he kicked off his pants. 

Alaska’s cock rubbed against Sharon’s stomach as they kissed; the friction was delicious, but not nearly enough. She knew he was purposefully denying her, probably betting on it making her crazy – which it was.

“You’d like it if I touched you, wouldn’t you, baby?” His lips were on her neck, and she nodded furiously. “I don’t know if you deserve it, though.”

Alaska swallowed down a sob; she was practically choking on it, how badly she needed Sharon’s hands on her, and fuck did she love his hands, how big they were, and how pretty.

“Sharon, please…”

“Tell me. What did you think of, when you were kissing her?”

Alaska was finding it more and more difficult to focus as Sharon’s mouth marked her collarbone, her shoulder, her nipples. “You,” she breathed. “I pictured you.”

“How sweet.” He hooked a finger through the panties Alaska still had on. “Mind if I…?”

From her seated position, Alaska raised her hips slightly so that Sharon could slide the undergarment down her legs, torturously slow, without breaking eye contact. She knew better than to let her impatience show, though: Sharon would only drag his game out longer if she misbehaved. Arousal swirled low in her stomach at the thought.  

“Already so hard for me,” Sharon mused, his lips ghosting across Alaska’s erection, causing her to fidget. “Katya doesn’t get to see you like this, get to touch you like this.”

He hollowed his cheeks and took the tip into his mouth, his tongue pressing against the underside, refusing to sink any lower, and Alaska was sure that he was trying to literally drive her to the brink of insanity.

He pulled away suddenly, eliciting a whine from Alaska.

“You know, I’d rather watch you,” he said. He was so smug that it would be infuriating, if it weren’t sexy as hell.

She pouted, but wrapped her own hand around her length, looking at Sharon for permission to continue. When he gave her a nod, she began to pump herself – leisurely at first, turning into more frantic strokes as it hit her just how desperately she’d needed a release. She let herself feel a small sense of pride when she noticed that Sharon was also palming his own erection, noticeably affected by her show, which only encouraged Alaska further. She allowed her eyelids to flutter shut and her lips to part, small noises rolling off her tongue with ease.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Sharon said, almost whispering, but Alaska heard it clear as day, could practically come from it.

And then he was on her again, desperate and rough with teeth clacking against teeth, picking her up and placing her feet back on the floor. In one swift motion, he turned her around and bent her over the kitchen counter, her forearms flat against the cool material.

“This,” Sharon growled, “belongs to me.” Sharon’s palm connected with Alaska’s ass with a satisfying smack, the flesh pink and glowing. Bent over for him, all bow-legged and docile, Alaska wiggled her backside toward Sharon, silently begging for more. She fought the urge to look back, to see the imprint Sharon had left, the satisfied expression on his face, but mostly, she just wanted him to make her feel it, really make her feel it.

“Do I have to keep reminding you?” Sharon spanked her a second time.

“No,” Alaska managed, still pressing back toward him. “It’s yours, I’m yours, I’m –” She squealed, cut off by a third smack, this one the loudest of them all.

Sharon caressed the spot he’d just hit, easing the sharpness of the sensation. “Stop squirming, Lasky,” he said, splaying a hand across the small of her back to keep her steady.

She whined his name, so completely strung out on Sharon’s twisted, glorious punishments, ripples of pleasure coursing through her like wildfire as he spanked her a fourth time. She didn’t know how much longer her knees could support her; she felt wobbly and on-edge and she wanted to let herself sink to the floor in front of Sharon, taste him at the back of her throat.  

“Now don’t move,” he ordered. Alaska could tell from the stillness that followed that he’d left the room, leaving Alaska gasping for air, skin tingling.

The thing was, she’d do anything for Sharon. She wanted to please him, to be better for him, to make things right again, however she could. He returned quickly with a bottle of lube and a condom, and her whole body ached with his absence; she needed him to hurry up and bury himself inside her, make her remember why she’d needed to be disciplined in the first place.

“Sharon… Need you, right now, pleeease.”

“Stop whining and be patient, baby,” Sharon warned, popping open the cap to the lube with his thumb. “Good girls do what they’re told.”

“I can be good,” Alaska promised, biting her cheek to keep from crying out again.

The task was easier said than done.

Sharon finally slid a finger inside her, curving it upwards, and Alaska clenched down greedily. It wasn’t nearly enough, but she allowed Sharon to move at his own pace, a thin layer of sweat forming on her forehead. She was sure her makeup was a mess, but she didn’t care, not when Sharon inserted a second finger, and then a third, drawing a string of profanities from her mouth that she couldn’t control.

“Fuck, Sharon, I need you, I love you, please, oh God –”

“You just can’t keep quiet, can you?” Sharon hastily untied his black bandana from around his neck and stuffed it into Alaska’s mouth, and she loved it: her eyes rolled back, her lids heavy. The fabric muffled her moans as he entered her, filled her up completely. Sharon dug his fingertips into Alaska’s hipbones, restraining himself. She knew he had every intention of fucking her hard into the cabinetry, making her ache tomorrow, but, for now, he wanted to make this last.

He let Alaska adjust for a moment, her body opening up for him like it always did, before beginning to rock his hips in a steady rhythm. Her body was a blessing, the way it responded to him, and she was solid and she was here and Sharon rocked into her harder at the thought, growling her name as he leaned down and bit into Alaska’s shoulder.

Alaska hardly noticed how the edge of the countertop was sharp against her ribcage, because the only thing that mattered was Sharon reaching around her with one hand to lace his fingers with her own, so intimate she could cry.

They moved in tandem, and she swore she could feel Sharon in every inch of her, from the tingling in her toes to the dryness of her mouth to the throbbing in her gut, until Alaska was rigid with it, unable to do anything besides hold on. She was already close, her moans growing increasingly higher in pitch, and she thought she might explode from both the stimulation and the intensity of the entire night if Sharon didn’t let her finish soon.

He was on the brink as well, his authorization low and uneven. “Come for me, Lasky.”

At those four words, and with only two strokes of Sharon’s hand on her cock, Alaska was coming, so hard and loud that Sharon was coming, too, hot and thick. They were motionless for a minute afterward, Sharon content to mirror the rise and fall of Alaska’s inhales and exhales.

“I’m gonna run us a bath, okay?” he said gently, brushing the backs of his fingers along Alaska’s cheek. “And we can talk.”

Alaska managed a smile, her body completely spent, the kitchen counter fully supporting her. She was grateful to Sharon for taking care of her like this, even when she thought she didn’t deserve it. She loved him, and the feeling of it consumed her, soothed her shaky limbs and settled her anxious heart.

The water was warm and soapy when Alaska lowered herself down into the tub after cleaning up and removing the remains of her drag. She closed her eyes and let herself sink until the suds tickled her chin. She felt Sharon climb in across from her, snapping her back to reality, their legs intertwining underwater.

Sharon was the first to break the silence. “Was that okay for you?” The sincerity in his voice made Alaska melt, guilt rising again in her throat.

“More than okay. Sharon, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have –”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, baby. I know it got a little intense back there, but really, I’m fine.”

“No, but I do owe you an explanation,” Alaska started. “I don’t want you to doubt for one second how in this I am.”

He paused, holding out his arms, inviting Alaska to recline into him. “Okay, then. Enlighten me.”

Alaska relaxed into Sharon’s slippery body, letting her head lull back on his shoulder. She took solace in the fact that their limbs always fit so well together, like two complimentary puzzle pieces. “I meant what I said back there.”

“The part where you professed your feelings for Katya, or…?”

She frowned at the ceiling. “See, I knew you were upset.”

“No! No – sorry, that wasn’t funny. I didn’t mean that. What were you gonna say? I’m listening.” 

“That I’m all yours. I am.”

Sharon rubbed small circles into her hip with his thumb. The truth was, he hated the thought of losing Alaska to someone else; even the possibility of it kept him up at night. Instead, he replied, “I know that, Lasky.”

“Do you, though?” Alaska turned to look at Sharon, took his face in her two pruny hands. She searched his eyes, ocean blue, willing him to see how incredibly infatuated she was with him. Time and time again, she saw through his gritted teeth, his tough exterior, and willed him to stop being so brave for once and accept her love for what it was: real and infinite and, sometimes, flawed.

“I came home to you tonight. I chose you. I’m choosing you. You made me fall in love with you and… and now I don’t even want anyone else, I can’t even begin to think about wanting anyone else.”

Sharon smiled sadly. “But I know you. And sometimes I just think… I dunno. Am I enough?”

“Yeah, you do know me, Sharon, and you know that I’m never really sure of anything, and that sometimes I get in my own head,” Alaska said. “But you’re my literal fucking home. And I need you to know that even though I’m never really sure of anything, I’m completely sure of this. Of us.”

Sharon seemed to accept her answer, pulling Alaska in for a long, wet kiss. Droplets of water dripped down past Sharon’s temples and he believed her, believed in her, and they lazily explored each other’s mouths for what felt like minutes, but what could have been hours. The bathroom was dark aside from a few lit candles, flickering orange on their pale skin.

Later on, Sharon would take extra care to wrap Alaska in a big, fluffy towel, tucking her in to her side of the bed once she was nice and dry, and he would slide in next to her, throwing a lazy arm over her stomach. Sharon would plant a kiss on the crook of her neck, right in the space where her angular collarbone met her shoulder, and he would murmur a quiet “thank you” that Alaska would pretend not to hear, even as the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile.

She had chosen him tonight, and would keep choosing him every night after, and that was enough for the both of them.

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Sharon Raydor vs. Winnie Davis

Finally have the time to do some written reflection on the Sharon vs. Winnie Davis theme. There has been a lot of talk about the similarities between a Winnie walking in and wreaking havoc on Sharon in the same way that Sharon did with Brenda Leigh and I totally see that. But, I also think there are some very real differences between Sharon and Winnie.

First of all, let me give you my unpopular opinion right up front. I was never really a fan of Brenda Leigh. I didn’t like the way she handled her department/job and I REALLY didn’t like the way she treated the people in her life, especially Fritz and her parents. They always seemed to be more of an annoyance to her, people who got in the way of her doing what she really wanted to do whereas I do love that Sharon seems to have a better balance in her life and she is always present in the life of those she loves.

Anyway, moving along. I did not hate Sharon from the start. Sharon came onto the scene with a job to do and to be honest, Brenda acted and treated her like an immature child would. So, I was just as frustrated with Brenda’s lack of professionalism as I was with this new sort of rigid by the books woman on the scene. As difficult as Sharon was at times, I always saw her POV and I was always thinking “Geez Brenda, give her a break and let her do her job, things will go so much better for you and the department if you would”

Then there was Sharon’s second episode, where she did come off as pretty bitchy. However, she had reason to react the way that she did. A member of her team had been beaten by her husband and Brenda was again behaving like a child who was being forced to do something she didn’t want to do, not putting much effort into solving the case and worse not seeming to care. But I think what really clicked with me was the fact that Sharon was reacting the way she was because she truly cared about this woman on her team and really wanted to make sure that she did not become another domestic violence statistic and that the man who hurt her would be punished for it. I can’t remember the woman’s name now, but she obviously knew how much Sharon cared about her team and about women in general, because she knew just who to play and how to play her. She knew Sharon would not let those bruises go unquestioned. And then, later in the episode, Sharon had the class and dignity to apologize to Brenda and admit that she had acted like a bitch. It takes a strong, confident person to be able to admit their mistakes, a person who cares about and respects the people she works with.

From that episode on, while Sharon seemed like a thorn in Brenda’s side, she was really doing everything she could to help Brenda, the team and the LAPD. She did not have a vendetta against Brenda or her division and in fact went out of her way to help them. Even though Andy had behaved like an ass to her at times, she still tried to help him when he got attacked by making sure Major Crimes could investigate the attack rather than her and she genuinely wanted him to get well soon. Then when Brenda was in trouble she even brought in, God bless her, Gavin, to give Brenda the best defense possible. In fact she always had Brenda’s back. And Brenda still, most of the time, behaved like an ungrateful brat--though it was nice to see her come around a bit by the end. So, I guess I never really saw Sharon as the antagonist in the same way that I already see Winnie.

Now, onto Winnie. In their first scene together. Winnie had a point. Provenza did screw up the training, wasted a lot of time and money and did not take it seriously. And yes, Sharon did pull a bit of a Brenda by saying that Provenza had been reprimanded harshly when in fact she’d just given him a little slap on the wrist. But it was the way that Winnie went about things that really showed who she was. She wasn’t confronting Sharon for the betterment of the department, if that had been the case she would have let Sharon finish her interview then asked to speak with her in her office. Or if she didn’t want Sharon to have the upper hand by being in her own office, she could have called Sharon to her office. In any case, it was a total power trip. She yanked Sharon out of the interview in front of her team and then proceeded to chastise her right where anyone could see and hear her. And the last line and the snide way it was said “Your boyfriend is calling you” was totally below the belt.

So, where did that come from? I’m going to be very, very presumptuous here because we know absolutely nothing about Winnie’s personal life. However, she comes off very much like my boss so I’m kind of projecting some of this with my observations of Winnie. What I see in Winnie is a no-nonsense woman who has made her career her life. She lives and breathes the LAPD and climbing up the ladder is the only thing important to her. So, when she sees other women who maybe spend more time on their hair and fashion (ahem Sharon) and who have balanced lives outside of their work ie. Significant others, children, interests she automatically assumes that they don’t have the level of dedication to the job that she has. And it doesn’t matter that they work as many hours, that they get the job done and that they have massive amounts of respect and prestige, she still regards them as “less”.  And, when a woman reaches a certain age she starts to reflect back on what she has or doesn’t have in her life. My boss is Winnie’s age and she commented to me once that she was always happy to put her career before all else and that she didn’t miss having a partner or a family when she was younger, but as she hit fifty she started realizing what she didn’t have in her life and that made her job even more important. So, was Winnie’s “your boyfriend is calling” a put down of Sharon in that she has a life outside of work so she isn’t as dedicated to the job? Or was it even a bit of jealousy in that “Why should this woman who is beautiful, has a man who adores her and family who love her (I’m sure she’s met Rusty) also get the coveted job that I want?” Or was it just her trying to get under Sharon’s skin by intimating that she was doing something wrong by getting involved with Andy even though it’s not against the rules. Maybe Winnie doesn’t believe LAPD personnel should be allowed to date and even though Sharon has done everything above board she just felt that need to get a dig in.

The second scene in Fritz’s office was just totally unhinged. This woman is NOT working for the betterment of the LAPD as Sharon was in The Closer. She has an agenda and that agenda includes some kind of vendetta against Sharon (Sharon even alluded to this when she told her team that Winnie’s been trying to get something on her for some time now) . And since this is the first that we’ve heard of this woman we can only assume that it is not because of anything other than the fact that she wants the Assistant Chief position and she sees Sharon as her biggest threat. That makes her a REAL antagonist. But, going after Sharon by intimating and then flat out accusing her of not doing things by the book should really end up backfiring on her. I like that Fritz told Winnie that if she wants the job she’s going about things all wrong.  Winnie might have had a point with the training exercise--and later we see that Sharon did make the team participate as I think we all knew she would--but to try to accuse Sharon Raydor of not following the rules, or not going by the book is just absolutely ludicrous.

Also, Winnie made a statement about a lack of strong leadership. I think she meant that as much for Fritz as she did for Sharon. It’s obvious she thinks that Fritz is being too easy on Sharon and not taking hold of the reins as tightly as she would, so I agree with Sharon, he really needs to watch his back.

So I guess in conclusion I’d say that from the first moment she stepped on the scene in The Closer Sharon Raydor has always shown that while she is ambitious she is not simply on the job to promote herself or to rise in the ranks. Sharon truly cares about the people around her and she always has the department’s best interest at heart. Winnie Davis, right now, seems to only have Winnie Davis’s best interests at heart. And I really hope they keep it that way. I think it will be very interesting to see Sharon and Fritz deal with a woman who is really cutthroat about getting the job and to watch them try to deal with it. I hope they don’t cop out and just do a same old/same old with the Brenda/Sharon model, provided Sharon and Fritz win of course.