#she basically bombards him with empathy

[idk-bruh-20]

Irondad fic ideas #155

Tony can be... a bit overbearing with his helicopter parent tendencies. To combat this, Peter sets up a small protocol with FRIDAY. 

Any time Tony wants to do something paranoid or invasive, FRIDAY is to send him a helpful article first, with titles like "Excessive Surveillance Can Harm Adolescent Development, Study Finds" and "Why Teens Need Privacy From Their Parents"

Peter leaves the choice of articles up to FRIDAY, trusting her to send ones that fit the situation.

While this protocol does get Tony to reconsider some of his more... extreme impractical requests, in most cases it fails to change his mind. Being hands-off about Peter's safety is not something he can do -- not when he knows the kinds of dangers this particular kid could face.

He's grateful for the insight that the protocol has given him, though. So instead of removing it, he decides to add to it. He asks FRIDAY to make it a two-way street. Now, whenever Peter complains about one of Tony's safety protocols, FRIDAY will send an article to help him understand

However, Tony doesn't anticipate the kinds of articles FRIDAY will choose. While she continues to send Tony studies and editorials, to Peter she sends news reports from Tony's past

Peter's mad that Tony has put trackers in everything he owns? -- "Tony Stark Still Missing: Inside Month Three of the Harrowing Search"

Peter hates the constant health monitoring that FRIDAY does when he's in the tower? -- "Death Wish or Death Sentence? Stark Behavior Tied to Secret Illness that Almost Cost Him His Life"

It goes on and on. For every seemingly insane overreach, there's a story, an experience Tony is trying to protect Peter from. 

They both still disagree about how much protection is too much, but at least they understand each other better now

[sea-owl]

You know, I still want an AU where Mebuki and Kizashi become the team parents for team 7. I have only found one so far and that's Rays of Spring Sunshine by sparklyfaerie over on AO3.

So let's add some more to the internet, lets make a childhood friends au for team 7. For shits and giggles we could also potentially add Sand Cousins to this AU later, also Merchant Haruno clan. (For those wondering what those are here's a link or two or three)

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. We have merchant Kizashi Haruno who moved to Konoha to help expand business. Mebuki, who was originally from Suna, was a chunin level ninja during the war but retired after and moved with her husband. After the move to Konoha they have Sakura.

Mebuki has gotten a job in the village as a social worker or the equivalent to that. Because of her previously being a shinobi, a lot of her cases are children whose ninja parents died on missions. Most of them being clan kids, it was easy to find new living situations for them with other clan members and then do check ins. A lot of clans already had procedures put in place for this, too. Then, one day, she got her newest cases with a muttered good luck. Mebuki looked them over, Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki. The only survivor of the recently massacred Uchiha clan and the vessel for the nine tailed fox.

Oh dear god, what the hell?! The mom in Mebuki was ready to fist fight someone. What moron deemed it okay to let two little boys who are obviously traumatized live on their own? Nope not on Mebuki's watch.

As the new case worker for each boy, Mebuki does have to go make house calls. She takes Sakura with her, so not only will Mebuki stay calm, with several little eyes watching her, but sometimes having another child there will relax the other, and having them play together gives Mebuki more insight.

"Sakura, be nice to these boys," Mebuki tells her daughter. "Life has not been kind to them, so we must."

The little girl nodded as she followed her mother to the first apartment.

Mebuki almost fainted at the state of the apartment she entered. Does no help this boy clean? Or at least show him how?!

"Are you my new social worker?" Naruto asked, recognizing the symbol on the file in Mebuki's hands.

Mebuki nodded, getting down on the boy's eye level while she talked to him. "Yes, I'm Mebuki Haruno, and this is my daughter Sakura. May we come in?"

The boy was on edge which Mebuki didn't blame him for he has gone through almost as many social workers as he had years on this earth. But after a gentle nudge to her daughter Sakura got him to relax a little. The way he bombarded her daughter proved Meuki's suspicions true, the boy was starved for attention. It was partly why Mebuki brought her along, and her daughter's empathy was sometimes needed to help gaining other children's trust.

Sakura spending time with Naruto also gave Mebuki an insight that this boy was indeed left to fend for himself. Well, she'll have to change that. One of these days later this week, she'll have to come back with Sakura to start teaching Naruto basic life skills. She'll be damned if this boy is only surviving off ramen.

The next stop was Sasuke Uchiha's apartment. This one Mebuki was more hesitant on bringing Sakura to. Trauma and the reaction to it is unpredictable, especially in ones so young. Mental health is also often ignored among shinobi and ninja clans. Mebuki highly doubts Sasuke has received anything in healing besides his physical body.

Unsurprisingly, the boy is angry and demands they go away. Unfortunately, Mebuki is just as if not more stubborn. She's a former shinobi. Does he really think a locked door is gonna stop her?

She makes a deal with Sasuke, if she can get in then he'll work with her since he'll be seeing a lot of her in the next few years. Sasuke snorts but takes the deal thinking she won't get in, after all this women is just a civilian.

30 seconds later, Mebuki Haruno is standing inside his doorway file ready in hand.

Mebuki is right that this visit was completely different from the one she had with Naruto. Sasuke kept his focus on her with maybe one or two glances at her daughter after introductions. Sasuke seemed more interested in getting them out as soon as possible and isolating himself. Well, that won't do either. Mebuki makes a mental note to make frequent visits to Sasuke's place. According to his file, the last social worker didn't even try to help this boy with his isolation issues. Guess Mebuki will have to go the exposure therapy route. Even if it's in small bursts with her or with her and Sakura, the boy needs some sort of human interaction.

Maybe she can get him and Naruto to hang out one day? Though they may need Sakura there to buffer out the two as a middle man.

So Mebuki got to work. The Academy was currently on a break for two weeks, and Kizashi was currently away on business, so all of her visits she did have to bring Sakura. Naruto liked having her around. Sasuke seemed to tolerate it. Naruto eagerly took to learning from her, whether it's because he was learning with Sakura or Mebuki actually took the time to patiently explain things to him, she wasn't sure. She still had to break into Sasuke's apartment every time, but she actually got that boy to go out into the world even if it was just errands. And he's acknowledgumg Sakura more on the visits even sorta speaking to her. So that's a win in her book.

It was during this time that Mebuki learned the boys were actually in the same class as Sakura in the academy. She knew they all went to the academy but not the same class. This info from Sakura and the information on how they're treated helps Mebuki adjust on what she needs to do with the boys.

"Mama, Naruto, and Sasuke are lonely," Sakura stated to her after one of the visits.

Mebuki nodded. Her daughter was sharp minded. It did not surprise Mebuki Sakura picked up on the boys' loneliness.

"I want to help them."

"Continue being kind to them Sakura," Mebuki instructed. "They both need it, and maybe a friend."

When the academy started again, Mebuki wasn't surprised to hear the kids didn't interact much. The classroom and children themselves have their own social rules they tend to follow. Sakura was also friends with Ino Yamanaka, one of the most popular girls in class. So by proxy, Sakura was in the middle of the social circle, too. Sasuke wouldn't dare get close to it, and Naruto wouldn't have the chance.

What did give Mebuki some surprises was her first time checking in on the boys without Sakura. Kizashi had recently returned home and was gone again with Sakura on a daddy daughter weekend trip. Naruto, being disappointed that his new friend was away, didn't surprise Mebuki much. But it did hurt to think he thought it was because Mebuki or Kizashi didn't want her around him. Surprisingly the boy let Mebuki comfort him saying no they weren't forbidding it, this was just a planned trip before Naruto became Sakura's friend.

"Where's Sakura?"

Sasuke's question would have thrown Mebuki off had it not been for her ninja background. But she had seen the boy slowly warming up to her daughter.

"She's with her father right now."

"Hn."

This gives Mebuki an idea. On Friday afternoon, while children were in school, Mebuki had placed a sealing jutsu on the boys' apartments, one that locks them out. She also left a note saying they are to come over for dinner. After she sends Sakura to go get Naruto while she goes get Sasuke, and Kizashi starts on dinner.

Sasuke was glaring at her when she got to his apartment. "How did you do this?"

Mebuki smiled, with that pout he was trying to hide Sasuke almost looked his age. "Just because I retired being a ninja doesn't mean I still don't know how to use jutsu Sasuke. Now come on we have some things to pick up before dinner."

And that's how Friday dinners started, leading to weekend sleepovers after Mebuki and Kizashi insist that it was too late for the boys to be wondering in the dark. Kizashi's jokester nature warmed Naruto up to him fast and she swore she saw Sasuke smirk once or twice at one Kizashi's awful jokes. After a while Mebuki could stop putting the sealing jutsu on the apartments when the boys just started following Sakura home on Fridays but she kinda wants to see who figures out how to break the jutsu first.

They still don't interact unless they have to in the academy but Mebuki is starting to suspect that's more on the boys wanting this friendship to be private. Sasuke is naturally a private person and Mebuki suspects that Naruto is afraid of the public either turning one of his friends away from him or that they'll be ostracized like he was.

Mebuki knows this is technically crossing some professional boundaries but honestly she does not give a damn. And technically they're over at her house as Sakura's friends. Good luck trying to deny these boys one of their only two friends.

Mebuki can do without the pranks though. Naruto may be the only one the village blames for them but she knows better. That is not Naruto's handwriting and Naruto was never that detailed before.

It was around the time of graduation that Mebuki was starting to become a little worried. She was excited for the kids don't get her wrong but the politics of the whole thing was a pain in the ass. Newly graduated genin in Konoha were pretty much considered emancipated minors. Genin who were wards of the state like Naruto and Sasuke would be aged out of their social workers care. They would then be put on teams based on skillset. Mebuki was worried how well that was gonna work out for the children. The only ones she can see them working well with is one another but likely hood of all of them ending up on the same team was not very high.

Well she might as well start preparing. She'll have three jonin showing up soon. One to talk to the parent of Sakura and two to talk to her as the social worker to Naruto and Sasuke.

Mebuki couldn't help the laugh when she learned that all three meetings would be with Kakashi Hatake. Oh is he gonna have his hands full, she hopes her little brats gives him hell.

I'm imagining after the war team 7 stumbles into the Haruno's house at some point because Mebuki put that same damn sealing jutsu on all of their apartments. Mebuki starts chastising Sasuke like "Where. Have. You. Been?!" like he's a teenager who missed curfew and not a wanted missing ninja for the last three years. Later on when Sasuke and Sakura start traveling together Mebuki and Kizashi have a bet on how many grandchildren they'll have by the time they return and what the genders will be.

[grammarrrrrr]

Panic attack 4. (Pokémon, Goh angst)

Summary; Kay, now it's finally Cinderace's turn- and you know how Cinderace is, well you should. Anyways, they are at a pokémon fighting competition.

Ash cheered for Pikachu as the fight narrator said; ”Pikachu wins”, and Goh joined in on cheering- everyone else started too.

They were in the Sinnoh region, at a pokémon fighting competition. And Ash was going to the finales. Well, there was just one more person left, that had also made it to the finales.

But Ash was surely gonna win that too.

”Cinderace!”

Grookey was asleep on his spot, while he was currently standing. It was tired from watching all the fighting, and the competition had been long.

”Now,” said the narrator. ”Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town against Joshua Walter from Vermilion City!”

The boy that stepped out shocked him- it was that Joshua. The Joshua who gossiped about him, the one who got everyone against him.

But why was he standing on the stadium with a Blastoise looking ready to fight his best friend?

Then suddenly, he felt a way too familiar feeling in his stomach- it was happening again. Around Cinderace.

But maybe- he looked over at Cinderace, that was looking confused at him- nope, he's definitely on to something.

”Cinder- Cinderace,”

He leaned against the wall, and slowly sat down, hugging himself.

Cinderace sat down next to him, knowing what was going on.

”I'm sorry,” he mumbled sadly. ”I'm so selfish... I'm sorry...”

He continued to mumble non understandable apologies.

The fight started on the stadium- but none of them watched. But they hoped that Ash won.

”The boy that Ash is fighting- I know who he is... He's my old bully...” said Goh, answering the question that was probably floating around in Cinderace's mind.

Cinderace rested its head against his shoulder, then wrapping an arm around him.

He tried to control his horrible breathing, that was basically just wheezing.

He coughed, then again. And so on.

The wheezing was stopping the sobbing.

At least, Cinderace was there, and that actually helped.

The narrator interrupted him:

”Blastoise is unable to battle,” he said. ”And the win goes to Ash Ketchum and Pikachu!”

-------------

Professor Cerise, Ren and Chrysa, along with Chloe and Yamper.

They were finally at home.

They were bombarding them with tons of questions.

And Ash was happy to answer all of them. While, he wasn't listening.

But the last one caught his attention.

”Who was the final competitor?” asked Ren.

Ash frowned, thinking for a second...

”Oh! His name was Joshua something... And yeah, he was from Vermilion City! Do any of you know of a Joshua? Maybe you do, Chloe? He seemed around our age...”

Ash went back to thinking...

”Walter! His last name was Walter! And he had a Blastoise.” said Ash, smiling.

That seemed to give Chloe a flashback.

”Joshua Walter?” she asked, and Ash nodded, not knowing the seriousness. ”Oh, Goh-”

Nobody except Chloe herself and Goh knew why she went and hugged Goh seconds later.

And they were really confused.

She patted his back, then pulled him in closer.

”Chloe, Goh?” said Professor Cerise, confused at the empathy Chloe seemed to show to Goh. ”Do you know this Joshua Walter boy?”

Chloe nodded, but not answering.

Goh sniffled loudly, which got Ash to join the hug.

They didn't bombard him with questions, Ash just hugged him in silence.

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Emotion (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: Kakashi again...can't get enough of this mans tbh. U r an empath due to your kekkei genkai and Kakashi has always been difficult to read. Friend to lovers. Sharing one bed folks, we got some steamyyy shit here. Angst warning as well.

Word count: 6000

He was always alone. Ever since his childhood, he walked the world completely alone with only a few people there to support him. No mother, no father, no mentor, no teammates. He was at the mercy of fate his entire life, things being stolen from him time and time again. 

He just prayed that he could keep her. Y/N L/N, the only woman to have wormed her way into his heart and made a home there.

When they first met, Kakashi and Y/N, she cursed him for being such a weirdo. Apparently his mind was empty and his heart was seemingly full of sand. He was conditioned that way, and that is how he lived for the longest time. It wasn't a surprise for him to hear that.

But she thought it was stranger than anything she'd ever seen, and so she followed him. She would figure him out, bring him back down to Earth from his supposed high horse. That woman was determined, and frankly he didn't mind her being around. She was quiet enough that it didn't matter. Not to mention on the missions they had together, she was quite the partner.

Over time, she'd learned to read him like a book. It was part of her clan's kekkei genkai. The ultimate empath, I suppose. The ability to read a persons every single emotion and then turn that, if they so choose, into power. 

She was never the greatest fighter, but her negotiation skills were the best they could possibly be. She would dive into the emotions of another and manipulate them backwards and forwards to get what she wanted. 

It was overwhelming, walking into a room of people and immediately being bombarded with so many feelings coming at her all at once. Occasionally, if the situation was bad enough she'd have to take a seat and clear her mind, organizing each person in her mind like a filing cabinet of empathy.

But damn, did she try to weasel out every bit of feeling she could. It was just something that came so naturally, she couldn’t help but instigate whatever was brewing up inside him.

"Kakashi, if you're happy, you know you're allowed to express it. You don't have to hide it away," she told him, staring at the masked man sitting across from her at the table. He was watching as she sharpened her kunai, and she could feel the content running off his body in small bursts. He was feeling better. Better than he had in a little while. Of course she picked up on it.

He sighed, rolling his eyes. She was always reading him, he knew that. He just preferred when she refrained from mentioning it. It did, most times, feel like a bit of an invasion of privacy, how she could deep dive into the corners of his mind. There were things no one else could ever possibly know that she did. It was strange, but he was used to it.

"What? Want me to smile or something?"

"No, but you should let yourself go. Just drop the facade."

"Stop doing that. Getting into my head."

Quietly, she set down her blade and picked up the next one, taking a cloth and softly wiping away any dirt. Her eyes slide up to his for a moment, her all knowing gaze filling his vision. "It's basically impossible. Especially if you're the only one around. There's nothing else to focus on except you." He knew that. It wasn't like she had an on or off switch. That was the downside of this dojutsu. Unlike sharingan and byakugan users, hers was always pulling the strings of her brain.

"You've got that mission next week. With Naruto and a few of the other kids, right?"

"Yes."

"It's A rank, isn't it?"

She hummed in agreement. He had a habit of knowing about all her missions, more importantly being the dangerous ones. He wasn't necessarily scared for her, probably not. He was more cautious than anything. There was this nagging feeling in his head that he shouldn't let her go on these missions alone. That it was too dangerous for her to handle. 

But he was wrong. She was stronger than he thought, and could hold her own in battle. He was just a worrier. He'd just lost too many, seen too many bodies in front of his eyes to trust. God, he wanted to trust her, but he couldn't. She was too vulnerable. His friend, one of the only ones who hadn't died yet. For all he knew, her days numbered, that's how paranoid he was about everything.

"You'll be careful?"

"That's a silly question." He gave her a look that said he was more serious than anything, and she sighed. "Of course I'll be careful. I have people that would miss me if I wasn't." He was one of them. She could sense his fear whenever she said goodbye and his relief when she returned. He really tried to remain objective, but his heart said otherwise. 

And she would be a liar to say that she did not experience the same relief seeing him come home from missions, even if he was beaten and bruised to the bone, she was just happy he made it back. So many never got to come home. It was a sick world, they lived in, but she could relish in the little comforts.

"Don't worry about me. I'll always turn out fine. It's you and your dumb students we have to worry about."

"I hear you. Those kids are enough to drive a person mad." He rested his chin in his palm, the mere thought of those kids causing his blood pressure to rise.

"Thankfully my students never gave me any trouble. Sweet little things."

"Well, aren't you just lucky, Y/N?"

"What can I say? Kurenai and I got the luck of the draw with our students. You men had it rough, I have to admit," she laughed. It was funny that he was so unfortunate to have gotten assigned the Uchiha and the Uzumaki, two completely opposite but persistent forces. "Despite your perverted tendencies and your perpetual lateness, you still did a great job teaching them."

"Thanks. But do you really have to call me a pervert? I'm really not."

"Yeah? That explains why you read porn in public. Admit you're a pervert, you dumb old man."

"We're the same age-" he began to argue, but she just cut him off with her harsh words.

"Creep," she muttered, running the sharpening stone along her blade. He narrowed his eyes. She was being awfully annoying, and he knew she could sense his irritation building up. Yet she continued just to be a pain in the ass.

 He warned, "Hey. Watch it, L/N."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop...Pervert." She ducked her head when his hand reached out to wring her around the neck for being so frustrating, and she continued to laugh. It was nice, having a friend she could joke with and be around without having to worry about what she said. He might pretend to be mad, but she could feel the happiness still rolling off his body thickly under all that fake neutrality. 

He was happier than he'd been in a long while, and she found herself swelling with pride knowing that she might have helped make that happen. Her lips curled into the gentlest of smiles as she peered back up at him, and he found himself smiling back even if it was just through the mask. 

He swore in that moment, he'd make sure Y/N didn't end up like all the others. She would live. He'd break this wretched curse just for her. He was sure of it.

______

"How could you be so reckless?! Do you want to die?" Kakashi shouted at his friend who could only stand there angrily, arms crossed over her chest and one foot in the other direction. She didn't need to be lectured by someone who took just as many risks every single mission as she did.

"Kakashi, I really don't want to hear it. You have no idea how it went."

"Yeah but Naruto does, and we were just talking."

She placed her free hand over her chest and exclaimed even angrier than before, "You're going to trust a kid over me? Naruto even?" It was just low to trust Naruto when she was right there to explain herself. Just let her speak for once, she wanted to say but he of course, had something else to say.

He waved his arm toward the ramen shop, eyes glaring. "Don’t be rude. He's right there. What is wrong with you?"

Indeed, Naruto was sitting inside Ichiraku with Jiraiya at his side, munching on pork ramen while the pair fought outside. Kakashi was eating with them, taking a break from his work to just relax with his master and student when out of the corner of his eye he noticed Y/N stumbling down the street on her crutch. 

He heard when she got back home that she was in the infirmary for a couple days. He had no idea for what reason until Naruto explained to him what happened. She was being needlessly reckless on the battlefield, relying too much on her kekkei genkai and not enough on her brain. She threw herself right in the way of an enemy, for what reason, he didn't know. All he knew was that she could have died and she didn't seem to care one bit.

Rightfully so, he was mad. Normally he preferred not to make a scene in the open like this, but there wasn't anyone else around and he was red-hot.

She huffed. "He knows I don't mean anything bad by that. How could he not? I'm also his sensei, you know."

"Doesn't matter," Kakashi brushed off her words. "What you did was dangerous and you don't seem to care. Next time what are you gonna do? Run right into the arms of the enemy?"

"No, I would never. Kakashi, you're just being a jerk right now. I'm literally injured from the hip down and you have to yell at me? Jeez, just be grateful I'm alive, okay? Things happen," she tried to reason with him, but he didn't acknowledge it. He wasn't exactly feeling all that rational.

"Things don't just happen like that."

She groaned, "Well apparently they do, because it happened to me."

His eye narrowed and she noticed the way he clenched and unclenched his fists a couple times by his sides. Clearly he was just trying to channel his anger, but he really had no reason to be so upset. She hadn't done anything to him. He really needed to relax. "This is so like you L/N's. Always so emotional. Always thinking you're stronger than you actually are."

"Excuse you-"

"Get a grip, you aren't going to live forever."

"First off, don't interrupt me. Second, don't talk about my clan ever again, you hear me, Hatake? We don't live to please your dumbass," she cursed, how dare he say shit about her clan. That asshole. He was just being so...so unlike himself. She had no idea what had gotten into him, but she hated it and just wanted to continue on her way before he said something else stupid. 

Normally, she didn't expect to be bombarded in the street nearly the second she leaves the hospital, but Kakashi never fails to surprise her.

"I've got to go. Don't bother following me." With that, she took off past him, rushing as fast as she could on her crutch, which was pathetically slow. Silently, she cringed at how ridiculous she must look waddling around like this in a fit of rage. Nevermind that. She had better things to do.

He huffed out the breath he had been holding to walk back into the ramen shop, taking his seat beside Naruto and slouching down into the stool. Immediately, Master Jiraiya met his eyes, wisdom about to drip from his tongue once again. "You need to go apologize."

"Why? She clearly doesn't want that right now."

"Well, to start, you insulted her clan which is a big no-no. Imagine saying that to an Uchiha. You're lucky she let you off so easily."

"Yeah, Kakashi. You kinda just attacked her out there in the street," Naruto added.

Jiraiya continued, "Mainly though, the longer you let her stay angry, the worse it'll be for you in the end. Trust me."

"She said don't follow her."

"And you're actually going to listen?" The older man laughed. "You and her fighting reminded me a lot of young Tsunade and I. And let me tell you, you don't just let a woman like that go. I sure did. It’s not a fun time."

"Yeah, Kakashi sensei, go find Y/N."

The jounin stood from his stool and slapped a ramen voucher onto the counter top to pay for his meal. This really didn't seem like a good idea, he had to admit. But he would trust the process. This was the author of his favorite romance series, after all. How could he get something like this wrong? To put blind faith into Jiraiya on realistic romantic matters was probably the not the wisest thing to do, but it was the only thing he had to go on. "I'll go, but this doesn't sound like good advice."

"If you let this go, she's might run into the arms of another man for comfort. Do you want that?"

Tch, there was no way she was gonna do that. She barely had any friends. If anything she would go see Kurenai. Still, he pulled back the cloth at the entrance and muttered, "I gotta catch up to her."

"'Atta boy," Jiraiya cheered, waving off the copy nin. "Another bowl, Naruto?"

"Yes, please!"

Kakashi walked down the streets, looking for the woman he was sent on a mission to find and apologize to. He searched through the shops and the stands for her, walked by her apartment no sign of her. It wasn't until he stumbled by the bookstore that he found her eyeing down the display out front, leaning comfortably on her crutch.

"Y/N," he called to her, and he watched as she tensed up without a second. He caught up to her, walking to stand beside her in front of the store windows. "I need to talk to you."

"What do you want?" She questioned, peering over at him with a quirked brow. He seemed calmed down by now. Thankfully. "Also, didn't I tell you not to follow me?"

"You did, but Jiraiya told me to apologize."

"So this isn't even on your own accord, you're doing it because Jiraiya told you so." He groaned. Of course she would twist his words and find some way to make things bad on his end. She was angry with him, what did he expect to happen? Her to accept him with open arms?

"Listen, I'm sorry for yelling at you. I was just overwhelmed."

"With what? I wasn't paying attention to anything but the anger." She picked at her finger nails in an attempt to remain casual, but really she was just itching to hear what he had to say. She was willing to give him a second chance, only because he was normally so sweet. This was just out of character for him.

He replied, "I was scared for you. Naruto told me about how you nearly died, and I was upset that you did that. I was upset because I could only think about what if you had been overpowered and the enemy killed you." His explanation was weak, but he hoped she would accept it as truth. He really wasn't lying. When he heard she was in the hospital indefinitely, he nearly had a heart attack himself. He worried for her every time she left on a mission without him. It just meant that if she failed, he wasn't there to protect her himself. He couldn't handle that thought.

"So you were worried?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's sweet of you, isn't it?"

"I'd miss you, you know. If you died."

She froze. That wasn't what she expected him to say. When she looked over at him, he was just staring into the storefront window, but she could feel the sadness in waves running off his body. She wobbled around on her crutch to face him, a hand getting coming up to rest on his shoulder. "It's okay."

"I don't want you going on missions without me because every time it scares the shit out of me thinking they'll bring you back dead. Every time. I don't know why."

"It's normal to worry for your teammates."

"It's not the same, and you know it."

"Ah." And she felt it. Even if it was just a little hint of something, she felt his infatuation roll off his body and she took it in like a drink of cold water. So refreshing. Was he attracted to her? She had no idea before this that he cared so much but from the sound of it, he had some strong feelings attached. She wanted to reach out and hug him, tell him it was going to be okay, but that felt too personal. Instead, she leant back and muttered, "You know, Kakashi, I worry about you too."

"It's good we both have someone who cares, right?"

"Right."

"Well, I should be on my way, but, uh, if you need some help getting up to your apartment-"

"I should be fine."

"Okay, good."

"Yeah, so uh, see you," she turned on her heel and started heading in the other direction toward her home when suddenly, his hand reached out to stop her. 

"Wait, Y/N. I think..."

"What is it?"

"It's just that I need you. Please be careful from now on."

She stopped, turning around just enough to get a good look at his face. He only watched her, a glimmer of something she didn't recognize in his eye. 

"As long as you take care of yourself too, Mister."

"Y/N, I…"

All she could feel was a rough fabric rubbing against her face for a second before the full picture came into view. 

Mask to lips. I repeat, mask to lips.

She stared at him, as he kissed her right there in front of their favorite bookstore. When he pulled away after a second, he seemed just as shocked as she was. She pressed a hand to her forehead and struggled to find the right words to say. 

Kakashi Hatake just kissed her. 

And she definitely liked it. More than any other kiss she’d ever had before. She loved it. Mask or not, that was one of the best surprises of her entire life, and she honestly had no idea how to react. She settled for the easiest possible thing, running in the opposite direction, give herself time to think over what that meant for the two of them if anything at all. Kakashi wasn’t the type to have a girlfriend, he was always single. There just wasn’t room in his life for her.

There was plenty room in her life to fit him in comfortably. And there was more than enough room in her bed as well. 

Flustered, with heat coming to sit in her cheeks and run up her neck, she turned and motioned in the direction of her home. She just had too many thoughts to sit here and pretend she wasn’t dying inside from the tension.

"I've got to run home now," she managed to say. "Well, not run, with these crutches and all, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I should be going too. I'll see you around,” he mumbled, running his hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. 

"See you."

And into separate directions they went, just as confused as ever.

______

"Kakashi, I swear to God, if you don't stay on your side of the bed, I'm gonna-

"You'll what? Hit me? Go ahead. You're the one that keeps snoring."

"Shut up!" she exclaimed, rolling over in the bed and planting her fist directly in the middle of his chest. He didn't even flinch, she hadn't meant to hurt him anyway. She was just so annoyed. You would think that the stoic Hatake would be easy to sleep beside but no, he was a pain in the ass. He was rude. He was way too hot under the sheets. He still smelled like dog even after taking a bath. Just overall a bad experience, definitely 0 out of 10.

"What? It's the truth."

She groaned, throwing one of her arms over her eyes, burying her nose in the crook of her elbow. "Whatever. Don't ever mention my snoring again. It’s embarrassing me." She was self-conscious. She was usually so good at maintaining a cool and calm presence and now Kakashi was seeing that all crumble. Great. 

"Fine."

"Can't you just stay on your side so we can both sleep comfortably?"

"Can't you just stop snoring so I can sleep comfortably?" 

What a bastard. She could practically feel him snickering beneath his mask, and she felt frustration bubbling up in her chest. He was annoying. The audacity of this man, laughing and causing trouble in the night when they clearly had a mission to continue tomorrow. She could actually feel the delight radiating off his form.

She jumped up from her spot and threw herself onto the man beside her, attempting to make a vicious grab for the throat so she could maybe shut him up for just a few seconds. He dodged easily, taking her wrists in his calloused hand and lowering them to rest on his chest. Still, he continued to laugh at her. She felt like an utter joke sitting there on his stomach, looking at him through loose strands of her hair. 

She grumbled under her breath, her cheeks puffing out full of embarrassment, "Stupid."

"Me? Stupid? Look at you."

She replied swiftly, "What about me? You're the one with that ugly grin on your face." Quickly, she snatched her hands out from under his to cross her arms over her chest. She rocked back a bit on her knees to get a better look at his indeed ugly face. 

Except he definitely wasn't ugly, and that grin was more devilishly handsome than anything else. And honestly, she felt herself starting to get flustered in the position she'd put herself in. Of course she didn't hate Kakashi. He was one of her friends and coworkers. It was just that sometimes he could be casually attractive and she found herself falling under his spell. 

He just looked so fucking good lying there, staring up at her with a glimmer in his dark eyes. She could see the smile outlined under his mask. His hands had felt warm and firm around her own fingers. She missed his touch, there she said it, any touch on her body from Kakashi Hatake felt like heaven. He was far too cute, and the soft contact between them drove her crazy.

She wanted to punch herself for thinking such silly things. This was Kakashi, one of her frenemies. Not boyfriend material. Stupid. Silly. 

If only he didn't look so good, Jesus christ. Get your brain out of the gutter, Y/N.

Little did she know, his mind was already waist deep in those damn gutters and he was loving it.

"You really think that?"

"What? That you're ugly?" She asked, tilting her head to the side just a bit as if to think about it. Only a second later, another mischievous smile crossed her lips. "Of course."

He lifted his fingers to slid along her waist and down to her hips, fingers curling ever so slightly around her curves. She shuddered as his hands slid down to hold the sides of her bare thighs in his hands, his warm, strong hands with the softest fingertips. She wanted to die.

Had they kissed before? Yes. We're they somewhat romantically involved? Maybe. Did that give him any good reason to rest his rough hands on her thighs like that? Probably, and her thoughts were running a mile a minute at this point. 

"Kakashi...stop that," she said softly, her voice lowering from how it was before. She suddenly felt a lot smaller, scared even. Hooking up with Kakashi wasn't something she planned on doing anytime in the near future, if at all. He was her friend, and she felt strange sitting in his lap with his hands all over her. It felt so right but wrong at the same time, like she was breaking the law. Well, laws of friendship that is.

She cared about Kakashi, more than she wanted to admit. He wasn't just a friend, he was something weirdly in between and she couldn't exactly put her finger on how she felt about him. All she knew was that if she was going to have sex with this man, it would be the right way. They would have to date first. She wasn't just gonna sleep around this time. He was different. 

She wanted to impress him, to make him smile and laugh, to take him out to dinner and hold hands on their way home, to kiss at her doorstep. She wanted all of that before any of this.

His hands dropped from her sides and she crawled away from him, grabbing her blanket and cradling herself in it. "Listen, Y/N, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I know, it's not your fault. Don't worry about it."

It was quiet. Just the sounds of both their breaths filling the air and the crickets chirping in the darkness outside. She shifted in her blanket to rest her head on the wall, leaning against it with her shoulder. He remained on his back, staring up at the empty ceiling tiles. 

It was now so terribly awkward. Thanks, Y/N.

Finally, he broke the silence. "You, uh, don't snore all that much. I was just teasing you."

"Thanks," she exhaled. "You're not as ugly as I said."

"I know."

Wow, Kakashi. So modest.

Her words fell right into place as she spoke, emotions slipping out with each breath. She looked at his profile in the dark, the way his bedhead stood on end, his nose pointed upward and his lips sat calmly, the curve of his chin under the edge of his mask, the way his eyes just sat there unmoving and gentle, brows soft above the eye. She took in all of him as she confessed, "I just don't want it to be like this. I don't want to fall for you this way."

"I get it."

"I just think that you and I could be something different. You're not like the other guys to me, at least, I don't think of you that way," she took a deep breath. He still stared deep in the ceiling, and somehow it made her comfortable enough to confess everything she'd been feeling. It was as if he could just lay there and listen without words forever. "I don't want you to just fuck me before we really...well I don't know, we've never even been on a date. I...I think I'm ready to fall in love with you."

"Then let's do it."

She peered over at him, lips agape with surprise. She hadn't expected much at all, but certainly not that. "What?"

"When we get back to the village, I'll take you on a date, more if things go well. We can take it as slow as you want," he told her, turning to lay on his side, facing her. He watched as she cuddled further into the comforter, only a peek of her face in his view. She was actually kinda cute through all those worn and torn layers. "I don't think I can let you go this time."

"Really?"

"Anything for you."

She ducked her head down to stare at the hardwood beneath her feet. She was overwhelmed by how nice he was being. Normally, it didn't go like this. Things normally got sexual so quick there wasn't even a chance for these sorts of conversations. It was just different with Kakashi. She could say no to him and expect better, because she knew he could deliver. "No one has ever treated me like this before."

He smiled. "Well, it's about time someone did."

"Can you hold me?"

"Come on." He lifted his arm up with the covers attached so she could crawl over and burrow herself next him, tucked right against his side. He rested his arm around her shoulders and held her close to his chest. Things were looking good for the both of them. Better than they had in a long time.

He wished this kind of thing could last forever. The beating of her heart, the laughter in her voice, the shine in her eyes. He just wished he could have bottled it all up and held it close to him for the rest of his life. 

But he waited too long, and the opportunity slipped from his grasp.

______

The pair fought hard. Kakashi was better than her, everyone knew that. The enemy targeted her for that reason. It was clear as day that she was important to Kakashi, and the enemy quickly caught onto that. He was quick to bring the knife to her neck, pressing the woman’s back tightly to his chest. The blade stung her skin, already piercing the flesh from the bit of pressure he applied.

She cried out, feeling a trail of blood begin running down her neck. Her nails clawed at his arm, desperate to get him to release her from his clutches, but he persisted. One hand held onto her chin tightly, keeping her face from thrashing, and the other continued to apply more and more pressure into the blade. 

For the first time in a long time, she found herself feeling unrestricted fear. She was scared. Scared for her life. She’d never been in this situation before, feeling so completely and utterly helpless like a deer caught in the headlights. Kakashi was right there, she should have known everything was going to be okay. After all, she had the village’s strongest veteran on her side.

It wasn’t the pain that caused the tears to bubble up in the corners of her eyes, no, it was Kakashi. The way his eyes darted over to the them, and she could feel his heart beginning to race, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end, and the fear creeping up into his heart. He never wore his heart on his sleeve. He was so closed off, sometimes she could only get a wisp of emotion from him, especially the ones that showed such vulnerability. 

Now it all seemed to come tumbling out like a landslide. She was drowning in fear, his and her own. 

“Let her go,” he called out, practically pleading with the man across from him, but it was in vain. 

“Like I’d listen to some filthy leaf shinobi,” the spy replied angrily. He felt so hot, burning up with so much anger she wanted to throw up. What had they done to upset him this badly? Her jaw was starting to ache from being held so tightly, and she swore she could taste blood running down her throat. This was bad. This was so terribly, miserably bad. 

Kakashi stood there, his hands hovering at his sides, unknowing of what to do. She was already bleeding out all over the collar of her shirt. If he made a single move, the man could easily finish the job with one fatal swipe. The copy nin felt cornered. Hopeless. What was there left to do? He’d let the love of his life fall in the hands of some petty criminal. 

Come on, think of something. Anything. Just think of something.

“What? You upset I’ve got your little girlfriend here?”

God, he was so desperate. The man taunting him didn’t help at all. He just felt himself spiralling deeper into hopelessness. He bargained, “Please, just let her go. I’ll give you whatever you want.” 

It wouldn’t work though. This man was set in his ways, and there was no changing that. He came into this fight knowing exactly what he wanted to do. And he was going to finish the job. 

“This is for what you shinobi have done to my people,” he sneered before she felt the knife dip further into her neck, sliding painfully across her throat. He dropped her head from his grasp, and as soon as he had, her body crumbled down to the ground. She collapsed in a bleeding heap on the dirt. 

The criminal quickly ran into the forest behind them, getting lost among the trees and the bushes within seconds. None of that mattered though. Kakashi could only run over to her limp body lying there on the ground, sputtering and coughing on thick blood filling her throat and lungs. Her cheeks and lips painted red now from spitting so much up. He fell to his knees beside her body, and for the first time in a long time, he felt a tear drip down his face.

She cried, hot tears running down her cheeks into the dirt on either side of her head. She cried for her pathetic self, having been attacked and injured in this way. She cried for Kakashi, feeling the pain and sadness, the panic, radiating off his form. She took in every emotion he was feeling, wanting to savor being with him for as long as she had, to fully take him in one last time. 

“Y/N, it’s gonna be okay,” he whispered, his hands running over her hair and cheek, smearing blood on her skin and his fingers. “We’ll bring you back to the village. The Hokage can fix you.” His words were so soft into the air, like if he spoke any louder he would hurt her.

They both knew that none of what he was saying was true. She was as good as dead.

She lifted her hand weakly to sit on his other hand. “I…” The woman took a labored breath.. “Love you, Kashi.”

“No, no, no. Don’t say that,” he hushed her, feeling his heart grow heavier in his chest with every second that passed, every look at her bloody neck and face, her laboring chest as she took hopeless breaths. He was falling apart in this moment, desperate for fate to change, for her to magically be better. He choked, “You can’t die, Y/N.”

“It’s okay.” Her words were slurred and hard to hear, liquid bubbling up in her throat to the point she was almost incomprehensible. “I love you,” she confessed once again. She wanted those to be her last ever words to him, the words he would remember for the rest of his life. To know someone out there loved him more than anything else.

He had to know that he was her everything. He was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she was going to miss him so terribly wherever her soul went after this. She just wished there was more time to tell him everything she felt. Yet, time was passing faster than she thought, and all those words felt impossible.

“I love you, too. You have to live for me. Just keep breathing, it's going to be okay.”

“It...hurts.”

More misery erupted his chest, and he found himself wanting to scream. Tears dripped steadily down both his cheeks now as he watched this woman die in front of him, one of the only people he truly needed in his life. “I know, baby, I know. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.”

She nodded faintly, her eyes beginning to close. He was starting to panic. Was this his last moment to say goodbye? Their time together was so short, how was this fair? He’d already lost everyone he ever cared about, and now this? He felt like the gods were laughing down at him and his misfortune. 

“You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know how I’ll do this without you.”

She didn’t respond, but she was still breathing. 

“Y/N, please.”

And he watched as her chest fell still and her labored breaths were silent on his ears. He found himself gathering her form up against his chest, her head cradled in the crook of his neck, just sobbing into her hair, weeping for a long lasting love gone in an instant. 

 He carried her body home that day himself. Something he never anticipated happening, but should have prepared for. He always thought he was going to watch as someone else carried her home to him, death long gone before he had the chance to see. He never thought it would be right in front of him. He thought he could protect her, save her from the clutches of fate. He was so wrong.

Kakashi was alone once again.

[morsking]

And so we have concluded Lostbelt 2! Now that I’ve experienced it for myself, I have a much clearer picture about how I feel about this chapter. As I progressed one thing became very clear to me, and that was that Hazuki Minase likely did NOT have any influence with this chapter, and its weakest points can be attributed to its main writer, Hikaru Sakurai, once we more closely scrutinize her work.

For starters, I would like to apologize to the people who kept trying to tell me Minase had nothing to do with the writing of Losbelt 2. You were correct, I simply acted stubbornly because I was terrified that one of the writers I loathe the most had returned to haunt and corrupt the franchise I hold very dear to me. I insisted on blaming him for any flaws because he was an easy scapegoat and a bogeyman, and while we all agree he is a pervert and a hack who should be fired, it is simply not fair to point fingers at imaginary criminals. A person should always be held accountable only for the misdeeds they have actually committed. Indeed, we may now explore Lostbelt 2 and the integrity of its writing with a more objective perspective, or rather as objective as I can manage to be.

The overall theme of the Lostbelt is “acknowledging one’s emotions as a vehicle for personal growth”. The issue persistent in the setting of Lostbelt Scandinavia was that it was a place where only young humans were allowed to survive. These humans would be oblivious to what real growth and prosperity were really like. They were innocent, and emotionally and intellectually stunted groups of people who only knew to live for the truth of their eventual demise. They lived short, rushed lives where they would stay ignorant of basic human experiences, such as love, grudges, aging, vice, hate, competition, and companionship because they devoted themselves to living how Scathach-Skadi ordered them to. They were unable to think or decide what to do for themselves, and were thus incapable of not just taking the reins to decide their own evolution as we do in Proper Human History, but also of fathoming doing such a thing in the first place.

This is a mirror to Ophelia Phamrsolone. Ophelia was conditioned to only listen to others for purpose and direction. Ophelia doesn’t actually know how to listen to her own feelings or even what those feelings even are because she was never allowed to connect not just with herself but with anyone. Ophelia, like Surtr points out, is still very much a little girl terrified by everything around her because she has no balance, no capacity for finding her center as a healthy and normal human being would. Unbeknownst to herself, all her interactions with others are a plea for help. Her very first interaction with Mash in 2017 was asking her if she’d like to have lunch with her and Pepe because Ophelia is terrified by male strangers and wishes to connect with other women as well. Ophelia’s conversations with Kirschtaria are also her not knowing how to proceed with challenges and therefore appealing to authority both for comfort and advice. Finally, her monologues with the Alien Priestess are Ophelia venting about how she feels, as if she were unaware of what to really think of herself as her helplessness and indecision drown her in a lake of self-loathing. 

These cries for help extend to the way she summons her Servants. Ophelia is noted to be incredibly proficient at evocation. Some might even call her a genius. In fact, she is such a genius she unknowingly managed to contract not just with one, nor two, but three different Servants all at once. The first Servant to answer her summon was Sigurd, the King of Warriors from Nordic mythology. The second Servant was Surtr the King of Giants and Scourge of Ragnarok (titled by yours truly), who hijacked the summoning and took over Sigurd. The third, and most pivotal, was Napoleon Bonaparte, the French Emperor whose Spirit Origin was modified to embody the “ideal Good Fellow who could make dreams come true” rather than the actual historical Napoleon.

What these three Servants have in common is that Ophelia wished for all of them from the darkest depths of her heart. Ophelia desired capable Servants who could give her some form of direction and stability. 

Sigurd, for example, is a hero renown for rescuing Brynhild and giving brand new meaning to her life by showering her with love and devotion. Love and devotion are things that Ophelia not just desires to be shown but actively struggles to adequately express to others because she has never known what it’s like to experience those things. To Ophelia, Sigurd represents “being given that which you have never known and finding fulfillment”. 

Surtr, on the other hand, embodies a darker type of direction: the terror stagnation, conformity, monotony, inaction, and eternal suffering. Surtr exercises control over Ophelia by threatening to destroy the world if he is released, prompting Ophelia to flash to her childhood locked away by her abusive parents every dreaded Sunday. Surtr locks Ophelia into a state of helplessness and indecision where she has to carefully consider how she will proceed with dealing with Surtr. Ophelia has decided to lock herself in with him as a way to prevent him from breaking out of both Sigurd’s body and the physical prison inside the Lostbelt’s sun. This is a situation where Ophelia is in a constant state of stress and fear, since as a Crypter the last thing she could ever want to see is the destruction of yet another world by her hands. More personally, the death of the Lostbelt would also mean death for Ophelia, as she has failed her purpose once again and thus would have no worth as a person. However, what Ophelia cannot understand, because Surtr himself does not, is that Surtr’s destructive impulses are how he wants to show love and devotion towards her. Surtr has reasoned that since their worlds abandoned them after they failed to perform their ordained tasks, the only thing left is to annihilate them completely as retribution for their suffering. Surtr does not wish to hurt Ophelia, but because he is a being defined only by his overwhelming desire to burn everything, he cannot help her heal or grow in any way that matters. All he can offer is annihilation. To Ophelia, Surtr represents “self-destruction through a static state of being”.

Finally, there is Napoleon. Napoleon represents a pronounced antithesis to Ophelia’s entire personality. He is an upbeat, improvising, confident man who chooses to not stress over things because what he is seeing is only what lies ahead, not what lies in front of him.He also breaks her defenses by asking something so ridiculous and unexpected as her hand in marriage when they have only just met. Napoleon refuses to give in to any negative outcome regardless of how much the odds are stacked against him, as he demonstrated in Scathach-Skadi’s throne room where he refused to let Sigurd kill his Master despite being restrained by Skadi’s paralyzing rune. He demonstrates this once again when he blows his final shot at Surtr during the final battle, sacrificing his own life to give Chaldea the opportunity to regroup and bombard Surtr to bring him down. He is called the Man of Infinite Possibilities precisely because he faces the unknown head on and finds the best path to walk for his comrades to advance. He does not let fear take over his heart and judgement, he creates a rainbow as a bridge connecting the present to the bright, shining future. He is precisely the hero Ophelia needs, because he embodies “the bravery to grasp your own future and find your own direction”. 

But analyzing these characters further is a post for another time. What I want to get into are the gripes I have with this Lostbelt. 

Now, I could lead you on through a couple more paragraphs before I wham you with what this all means in a much higher metatextual level, but I don’t have the time nor the creativity to do that so I’m just gonna give it to you straight. This square between Ophelia, Sigurd, Surtr, and Napoleon is the storyline that matters most in Lostbelt 2. Scathach-Skadi matters little despite her own parallels with Ophelia and being the Lostbelt King, and the situation with the Lostbelt’s inhabitants matters even less. Why?

Because Lostbelt 2 is Sakurai coming full circle and writing an otome game like Fate/Prototype was meant to be before Fate/stay night became a thing. 

SHOCKER!! SOUND EFFECTS OF SURPRISE!! DRAMATIC KAZOOS GALORE!!

Now, that’s exaggerating a little. Or maybe not that much, actually.

What Sakurai was doing was applying conventional otome game tropes into the setting not just what she’s familiar writing for, but because Lostbelt 2 is inherently an incredibly self-indulgent project. 

There is a classic trademark otome fantasy at play here: the fantasy of multiple men being devoted to a female main character a player can relate to. There is no denying there is a certain appeal to the idea that there are several handsome men all willing to devore their entire lives to a person. Sigurd, Surtr, and Napoleon all embody certain otome game love interest archetypes. Sigurd is the cold, composed, intellectual man who is actually earnest, just, affectionate, and wise. Surtr is the dark-hearted troubled man with fiery disposition struggling with expressing love. Napoleon is the strong, confident, borderline pixie manic dream boy with almost zero brains but plenty of empathy and... *ahem*, physique to make up for his seeming lack of tact and intelligence (he’s a himbo is what I’m saying but that comes as no surprise). The problems arise with Napoleon himself, however. Napoleon hounds Ophelia with marriage proposals she refuses time and time and again. When he proposes to her in front of Chaldea for the first time, the narrative has Mash take Napoleon’s side and urges you to do the same because Sakurai believed the reader would’ve caught on to what’s actually going on between Ophelia and Napoleon. 

The issue here is that Sakurai’s clues up to that point had been far too hidden for the player to make a proper connection, and it’s not until AFTER the proposal that the player discovers Napoleon is predisposed to fall in love with whoever summons him because that’s what Ophelia wanted out of an ideal Servant. Because of the poor execution in presenting all these factors that completely recontextualize the relationship between Napoleon and Ophelia, when Sakurai has Napoleon say “You did not reject me therefore you DID agree,” we jump to the conclusion that Napoleon is engaging in extremely reprehensible behavior and ideology reminiscent of dangerous and abusive men IRL rather than take it as harmless flirtation from a well-meaning oaf of a man as he tries to break the shell of his beloved. Sakurai invokes a very dangerous trope that does more to excuse misogynistic behavior when done incorrectly rather than successfully appear as a romantic gesture of attempting to liberate a loved one from the clutches of isolation and victimhood.

On a larger scale, the application of these tropes is where Lostbelt 2 starts to suffer, and that’s where Sakurai’s writing further begins to resemble Minase’s. Sakurai spent so much time building these interpersonal dynamics that she spent the least amount of effort actually building upon the situation of the Lostbelt and Scathach-Skadi’s character and motivations for keeping the Scandinavia the way it is. 

Upon scrutiny, it’s not very difficult to pick apart the setting and make a mark out of the glaring logistical inconsistencies of maintaining a population of only 10,000 humans for a span of 3,000 years by having them reproduce at 15 years old at the latest to execute them at 25. Anyone with a passing understanding of biology would know that forcing children to carry babies to term can lead to terrible health and psychological complications that would certainly end up in a lot more miscarriages, stillbirths, and failed attempts at impregnation than actual successful births. The problem here then is rather evident. Sakurai wanted to use the fact that all these children are young, innocent, naive, gullible, and ignorant to draw a connection to Ophelia’s own psychological and emotional circumstance. However, she realized that because she was writing a setting that obligated her to work around a 3000-year gap between Ragnarok and the present day. She needed something that would compromise the need for a realistic system that would ensure the reproductive viability of a human population through such a long period of time and the thematic vehicle of childhood and repression of growth as a way to connect Ophelia to her environment. This compromise ended up working for the absolute worse because she chose the worst possible system she was aware was the worst possible system she could’ve come up with and therefore decided to forsake that part of the plot without going through the implications of it and leaving the specifics to the reader’s imagination so they could sort it out in her stead.

This unwillingness to properly explore the problematic implications of Scathach-Skadi’s system not only deprived the player of a possible engaging storyline where child endangerment, a common theme in the Nasuverse, is explored and criticized through a different angle, but also actively hurts Scathach-Skadi’s connection to the player because we never get the opportunity to debate with her about her ideology and the state of the Lostbelt. We never hold her accountable for enforcing such a brutally predatory and dehumanizing system that targets children, instead Sakurai opts to build her up as a flawed, self-absorbed mother figure desperately trying to combat the extinction of the remnant of her world who also never really learned how to deal with the revelation there is an entire life she did not get to have in this universe that we MUST sympathize because she occasionally sees through the characters and acts kind towards them until the time comes for us to fight her in earnest as a matter of principle completely divorced from the question of how she’s managed her Lostbelt. The fact Scathach-Skadi’s model of sustainability does not work is made obvious by the fact it takes place in a Lostbelt, what we are trying to get at here is that it does not work from a writing standpoint because of all the different holes you can poke on it before you’ve punched through the paper screen entirely and revealed the superfluousness of it all. 

There is nothing inherently bad about self-indulgent storylines. If I’m being honest, if Sakurai wanted to use Ophelia and Musashi as self-inserts to fantasize about romancing the different kinds of characters she finds attractive, more power to her. But the problem surrounding Lostbelt 2, which is the same problem that plagued Septem and Fate/Extella, is a veritable lack of restraint from her part as a professional writer in charge of a multi-billion dollar mobile game. What the writing room over at Type-Moon has to realize is that they are no longer a small doujin writing circle that can get away with whatever they want because they operate under obscurity. They are visible to the entire world and will be held accountable and criticized as professionals by consumers and their peers in the industry. A little bit of self-fulfillment in a published work never hurt anyone, you can cater to yourself most of all with your professional work (I mean, just look at She-Ra), but you must be sure that in your pursuit of indulgence your work does not suffer for it and ends up alienating and disappointing your fanbase and giving them the wrong impression of what you stand for. 

Anyway we’re popping the biggest bottles when GudaMoth becomes canon this December. 

[darkgeminisworld]

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

[ashflynns]

☄〔 HUNTER SCHAFER, TWENTY ONE, TRANS FEMALE, DREAM TRAVEL 〕╰ ASHLEY FLYNN just came over half - blood hill . you know , the child of HYPNOS who was claimed two months ago ? i’ve heard chiron say that she is PLAYFUL & EMPATHETIC , but if you ask the aphrodite kids , they’d say she’s LAZY & TACTLESS . i’d say they remind me of sleepy smiles and under-eye bags, messy buns and an unmade bed, running from your problems with bare feet & trying to hard to keep your friends but losing them anyway, especially since she’s FOR THE NEW CABINS . ( ✎ joey , 24 , she/her , bst . )

*insert nice graphic here aka for the love of god someone find me a photoshop link*

hi! its your resident sea witch joey here ready to bombard you with an encyclopedic knowledge of the greek pantheon and uk criminal law?? i guess??? if u dont already know, i’m the one with six (6) cats. i combined my task and intro because im LAZY and bad at intros so i’ll use paige’s stats as a crutch whoops. ash is the lazy laid-back stoner friend everyone needs. she has no trauma because she DOESN’t DESERVE IT so maybe the real trauma will be the friends we make along the way.

𝕓𝕒𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤 .

name :  ashley finn

nicknames : ash, whatever cute names u wanna give her

birth date :  4th february (aquarius squad speak up!)

gender :  trans female

pronouns :  she/her

ethnicity : white

nationality : irish american

hometown : ?? idk american towns SUE ME but she’s from SOMEWHERE in oregon

demigod abilities : sleep manipulation, dream manipulation, dream travel

cabin number & godly parent :  cabin fifteen, hypnos

how did their godly parent meet their mortal parent? :  hlhglkhg so i thought it’d be funny if they met when ash’s mum participated in a sleep research study. i think i’m hilarious.

𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖 .

faceclaim : hunter schafer

height :  5′11″

hair colour : blonde

eye colour : blue/green.

dominant hand : leftie!

distinguishing features : her hair’s actually super curly she just straightens it a lot bc curly bedhead is a bitch to brush through in the mornings.

dress style : ugh this is gonna be hard to explain but like. you know those alt hippy stoner girls?? like that. likes baggy clothes and neutral colours. a lot of quote unquote ugly clothes with clashing prints. band t-shirts and whatnot.

𝕔𝕒𝕞𝕡-𝕣𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕕 .

go - to  weapon : HAH implying she willingly participates in capture the flag. she’d go for a xiphos because it’s the most basic dfkjg

ambrosia :  garlic bread. yeah she’s that kind of bitch

favourite camp location :  zephyros creek!

their opinion of their godly parent :  really unbothered tbqh. but she’s a very laid-back person to begin with. a ton of her school friends had absent dads. if she hadn’t come to chb so early then maybe the whole ‘i have powers with no explanation’ would’ve caused some resentment but hey, he’s a god. he’s a busy man. and being raised by a single mum made up most of who ash is, so it’s not like she’d change anything.

age they were claimed :  this year baby!

how they were claimed :  look dad’s timing was off but as far as he was concerned he claimed ash when percy made the deal. ash kinda always knew it was gonna be him so it was no surprise.

stance on the new cabins : for  the  new  cabins.

their opinion on lyssa pentelute :   as far as ash is concerned, lyssa’s whole shtick is just an excuse to shit on the kids who don’t have to suffer the same way she did. so, uh, she’s kind of a bitch? i have this in a bit more detail down below.

quests :  i’m gonna tentatively put no for now (unless anyone else on quests decides they’d like to have dragged ash along!)

𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 .

positive traits : playful, empathetic, laid-back, friendly but not a pushover, patient

negative traits :  lazy, tactless, aloof,  spacey, struggles to express said empathy, lack of focus

mbti :  Iinfp-t, the mediator

alignment : neutral good

hogwarts house :  hufflepuff

kinsey scale : JUST ASK IF SHES A LESBIAN OKAY?? THE ANSWER IS YES.

archetype :  somehow she matched equally with the innocent child and the wise old man *insert so what is the truth meme*

what candle scent are they :  vanilla

goals & desires :  well this one was tricky bc ash is a simple girl with simple needs and really just doesn’t want anything to change. she wants a life without the pressures of work and commitment, but that’s just not gonna happen, is it? her short-term goals are to practice fighting that urge to stay in bed all day and try to be a bit more productive. it’s not going well.

fears : explained more below but basically she has a fear of destroying all her relationships due to a lack of connect with the world

hobbies : when she’s not napping? probably gaming, going on nature walks, baking treats.

habits :  biting nails is the worst one. spacing out. you know that thing where you just?? stop focusing your eyes?? but you’re still tuned in to the conversation? that.

𝕙𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪 .

so hear’s the short version kfjglkdfgjd ( for NOW ):

ashley’s mum, niamh, is third-gen irish immigrant. ash didn’t have a luxurious life or anything. they mostly lived off benefits or whatever niamh could pick up from her extremely lucrative dog-walking business. how she met hypnos was a literal joke. they met when she participated in a fucking sleep study and i guess they hit it off. typical story of dad fucks off/single parent yadda yadda. there’s no real ~~trauma~~ to ash. yeah, transphobia sucks and high school really sucked all but her mum’s been super supportive since she first came out and no one at chb has given her shit yet. niamh’s still around and ash goes back home every couple of months to visit her. they have a pretty good relationship. it’s all cool.

i feel cliche saying she was a ‘dreamy’ girl but dreamy or spacey really is the best word for it. mixed with your typical demigod adhd you get a kid who really struggled with school. well, it’s not like she struggled - ashley’s a smart gal - but the teacher’s struggled with her. i guess it was hard for them to understand that ash actually does her best thinking when she’s asleep.

struggles to keep friends - maintains a persona of aloofness and apathy but actually cares way too much. the narcolepsy hinders her ability to form proper connections ( although she’ll argue the sCiEnTiFiCaLlY pRoVeN fAcT that napping with someone for half an hour does more to build trust than anything else ). and no one’s really that fond of ash popping into their dreams. maybe they shouldnt have so much to hide, huh?

her biggest ‘’’ inner struggle ’’’ shall we say is the pressure to be productive. let’s face it, she IS a lazy bitch, and that’s pretty much an inherited nature. getting a job sounds like hell, she sucks at combat training, she really could NOT be bothered with camp politics and god wars and whatever else. why can’t she just sleep and dream walk all day? monster’s are out there man, she’s gonna die some point soon anyway. but that doesn’t mean  she doesn’t feel guilty about it all. it’s kinda hard not to.

so, moving on to the ISSUE AT HAND. so when you walk through dreams and you sleep for 20 hours of the day, it’s not hard to figure out who your dad is, even if he never turns up. like, seriously, who else would it be? so yeah, sure. she was only claimed a couple of months ago. but she wasn’t completely in the dark like some of her other campers, and she respects that, truly. she got the luckier end of the stick and its not hard to understand the resentment among the minor demigods and the unclaimed.

HOWEVER, she’s very much FOR the new cabins. as explained above, lyssa’s a bitch whose taking her mummy issues out on others. ash loves bunking with the hermes kids but she’d like a space of her own and at the end of the day who the fuck is lyssa to make that decision?

𝕖𝕩𝕥𝕣𝕒 .

pinterest! (its a wip there’s not much IM SORRY)

spotify (now this is the one thing i will never let u down on)

wanted connections coming soon!

[flightsrsk]

hello hello all !!! my name is riley and this is my actual trash son maverick, aka the flight risk !!! i am so so hyped to get the ball rollin on this, so check out info on my kid under ze cut !!

warning: this got rlly mcfreaking long and i am so sorry fjdklsjs i am incapable of writing a short intro post

unfortunately i will not be able to be around for the official opening bc i’m on vacation w my fam and godparents, but i will try and intermittently read intros and chat to you guys about plots !!!! PLS feel free to bombard me through IMs or through discord if any plot sparks ur interest or u think mav could fit well in one of ur plots!!! :’)

THE BASICS

Name: Maverick Hobbes Braxton

Age: Twenty-one

Gender: Cismale

Pronouns: He/Him

Major & year: Philosophy, Third year

Faceclaim: Alex Fitzalan

Occupation: N/A

THE FLIGHT RISK

Maverick Braxton, as you might see, is an enigma—or rather, has evolved into one, slowly: a transformation that begun with his first breath. In his early years, the stage had been set for him, line by line. Act One: attend prep schools, excel in classes. Act Two: attend Covington, take center stage—you know, all of the things his older brother, Richard had accomplished with ease, just one year prior to all of his expectations. It was simple, really: a blueprint laid out ahead of him, with little to nothing in his way.

The only problem was that Maverick didn’t exactly see the point in choosing that path, that stage, that story. To him, it wasn’t challenging.

That, and the fact that the life laid out in front of him offered him absolutely nothing.

A series of banal expectations, unfair comparisons, and heartbreaking betrayals, and the traditional life of the Braxton child was thrown out the window—at least, in his brain, it was. See, Maverick Braxton, while independent, coy, and arrogant, isn’t stupid. He knows if he pleases his parents just enough, they’ll still distribute his trust fund and still bail him out of legal trouble when he inevitably tiptoes too far down the delicate line between ambition and rebellion. Perhaps it’s a bit selfish, but what does he owe to a family who paid him no attention, who never asked of his well-being, his own ambitions, his personal dreams?

He’s the kind of person to drive down the highway, windows rolled all the way down, cigarette lit—not because he necessarily likes the taste of nicotine, but because he likes the way the smoke creates clouds that obscure reality. He’ll surprise you in class when he interjects with a sarcastic but surprisingly salient point before throwing up his hood and retreating to the back corner for the rest of class. He’s the kind of person to start reading a book, flipping incessantly through the pages, both impatient by the pace of the plot, yet put it down before he reaches the final pages because he doesn’t want to be disappointed by the ending. He’s the kind of artist who rarely finishes a sketch, the writer who is never satisfied by a poem—for fear, of course, by deep-rooted insecurities that nothing that he will ever do will be enough.

A once-broken heart had taken time to mend, even though it seems ice-cold and whole from the outside. It’s why he has commitment issues: he doesn’t want to be burned again. He plays off his flirtatious bit as a personality trait, someone who is bored by the prospect of being tied down—and yet those who share his bed might consider him Covington’s most surprisingly deep pillow-talker.

An enigma, you see—one who doesn’t stick around long enough for anyone to truly understand, truly a Flight Risk.

BIOGRAPHY:

( You can read his full biography here! Still in the process of editing it a bit, but below are some important bullet points! )

Maverick was born the second of three children to the Braxton family—and as per usual with the Braxton children, he was born into a life filled to the absolute brim of expectation.

His father, a playwright, his mother, an actress. His brother, a theatre prodigy—what part did that leave him to play? The assumed expectations were to follow in his mother and brothers’ footsteps and take center stage; he excelled, for a while, but Maverick always felt lost.

Neighbors and family friends would always ask if he had measured up, in each and every shape and form: it was like the entire universe had a scoreboard with their names titling each section, and Maverick was always playing catch-up, never knowing where the finish line was.

For a while, he stuck to the script that was given to him: study, succeed, repeat. He tried to understand the ins and outs of his father’s work, of masterful acting techniques, trying to make a large enough splash to where his family would even notice the work he put into his life. Surprise: it didn’t.

It took him seventeen years to truly understand that his role in life was not exactly the story his parents had laid out for him, but rather, his sibling, instead.

Downcast emotions transformed quickly into cynicism. What used to make him feel sad now fueled a blue fire within Maverick’s chest, one that felt wronged by the system he was placed in: a complete first-world problem, but it was then and there when he decided to take advantage of his situation, given that he had spent his entire life dedicated to a part he wouldn’t play.

Hypocritical as he was, he still enjoyed the fruits of his parents’ work, cashing the unlimited checks with his name on them, as if it was some sort of sick version of love.

One piece of recognition that Maverick finally earned was an acceptance to Covington—and even that couldn’t be tainted by his brother’s success or his legacy status.

At Covington, Maverick has both lost and found his footing, multiple times. He’s quit acting, quit studying theater, in favor of a topic that stimulates his brain more than reading lines and

PERSONALITY:

Maverick Braxton is certainly a paradox. He’s charismatic, funny, and has a witty sense of humor –– and is generally appreciated by his peers because he’s able to move conversation and discussion without making topics seem dry.

Despite his apparent inferiority to his sibling, the Braxton family still breeds the cream of the crop. He’s certainly a bit arrogant sometimes, given that he’s intelligent, innovative, and clever, and wants to be recognized for it –– however, even if he might not show it on the outside, he appreciates a good challenger. He thinks it keeps his wit sharp, and of course, his ego would never show it, but he does appreciate learning from people. After all, his passion in philosophy, his current area of study, makes him certainly interested in how the world works.

Those who happen to get to know Maverick outside of the surface-level stuff, outside the initial cockiness and flirtatious front he puts on will know that he’s actually quite thoughtful. His lonely childhood has made him extremely loyal to those who have shown him similar trust and friendship –– he would never turn his back on them.

He asks probing questions, is a good listener –– perhaps because he’s interested in human decision making, but is also because he doesn’t quite know what it’s like to be loved unconditionally –– though he wants to.

Deep down, what almost no one knows is that he’s really quite soft. He passes his curiosity off as wanting to understand people, when really it’s a mechanism for hoping someone asks him questions in return, to give him the time of day he wished his parents ( and the rest of the goddamned universe ) had given him.

Despite his theatre prowess, he isn’t actually a particularly good liar. Those who spend enough time around him can hear his tone of voice incline slightly and see him scratch his brow.

AESTHETICS:

coffee-stained mugs, walking with headphones in but nothing playing, untied shoelaces, black hoodies, a cheeky smirk, small books in his back pocket, writing in the margins, unfinished poems, quoting old authors on a daily basis, incessant eye-rolling, pen ink stains, an unmade bed, mismatched socks, floral ties, empty bottles of liquor, rose thorn pricks, old worn poetry books, polished dress shoes, calloused fingers, unlit cigarettes between teeth.

HEADCANONS:

Funnily enough, Maverick’s name means ‘independent, a noncomformist’, which is exactly the path that he has taken to stray away from his family’s expectations.

He does have one strong connection to his family, though: his grandmother, on his father’s side. She understands the pressure he undergoes, who saw the pressure Maverick’s father endured to obtain the success he has. She is one of the only reasons that Maverick has not just jetted off to take on his own adventure. He loves her dearly, and wishes that her empathy and wisdom would rub off on the rest of his family.

Maverick has some form of synesthesia, which allows him to remember a lot more than the average person. He associates colors, smells, sounds, to words –– and allows him to efficiently study any subjects he doesn’t have immediate passion for.

In the privacy of his own bedroom, he sometimes writes poetry and sketches his thoughts and muses –– when he knows he’s in complete privacy. Faces and features that appear in his sketchbooks are often those he’s thinking of often, those who intrigue him. He’s actually quite good a sketching, maybe not quite as good at writing poetry.

His room is spotless –– evidence that he is a bit of a control freak sometimes. It shows that during his adolescence, he reveled in the parts of his life that he could control and perfect.

tw drugs. He more than dabbles in drug use, smoking marijuana maybe every other day, while partaking in harder drugs like cocaine and adderall and others probably once a week. He feels like he’s in control of his use, but it may start to get the best of him. end tw.

Maverick is left-handed. He hates that he gets pen ink stains when he draws, writes poetry, takes notes. His left palm is probably perennially covered with ink.

Though he’s often wearing headphones ( airpods, of course, the nerve of this rich kid ), half the time, nothing’s playing. Sometimes he forgets to press play on his phone, sometimes he purposely likes listening to decision-making and conversations of strangers. it lets him think about the nature of mankind.

Maverick’s favorite philosopher is Albert Camus, known for his work that heavily developed the idea of absurdism ( much to do with the meaning of life, and human inability to discern an answer ).

Maverick’s preferred method of transportation is his skateboard. he loved it first because his parents hated it: pushing himself around on a board like that would get him injured—besides, why not just take the car to school, the driver had been paid for anyway? It was his first taste of rebellion. Now at Covington, where skateboarding is far more efficient than walking across campus, it comes in handy when he sees someone he’d rather not stop and chat to.

Maverick could die with a poetry book nestled on his chest—it’s the one thing he got out of the impressive book collection his family owned. There was something daunting and beautiful about the way poems would transform metaphors into something fantastical, like the emotions were clearly there, but the words were skirting the issue. Kind of like how his parents would never really tell him they loved him.

Maverick often has headphones in when he walks to class. not particularly because he’s actually listening to music or a podcast, but rather because he’d just … rather not be bothered to stop and talk to people.

Maverick loves to draw. He’s mostly self-taught, with a bit of mentorship from his high school art teacher. Evidenced by the rest of his fleeting personality, he rarely finishes a sketch or painting. He claims he never has time to finish them, but the number of crumbled-up, half-finished sketches in his trash bin might say otherwise.

PLOTS

** see my wanted plots tag here too! // and my plots page here !!

* FIRST LOVE / OPEN.

It wouldn’t be easy to make Maverick feel like even more of a disappointment than he already had with his parents, his family—but your muse proved this feeling wrong. He loved them, more than he’d ever loved anything before. In the midst of confusion about where he belonged, he felt safe with your muse; he’d do anything for them. Things ended, he felt betrayed ( though the break-up could have easily been due to a fault of his ), and the split made him the one who now struggles fully with commitment. He doesn’t want to have his heart broken again. See: this entire pinterest board.

but also if u give me this ……………… i’ll name my firstborn after u

* BEST FRIEND / OPEN.

Those who go through similar childhood traumas are often able to understand each other –– that was how it worked with Maverick and your muse, at least. They’re thick as thieves — and have likely seen the ups and downs of Maverick’s life in real time.

* CHILDHOOD FRIENDS / OPEN.

Self explanatory—and also probably knows about the pressures the Braxton family imposes on their children.

* EX-FRIENDS / OPEN.

Friends who were close, close no longer. Maverick’s a real piece of work, and an asshole, too—there are myriad possibilities for why Maverick could have pushed them away. He wouldn’t openly admit that he misses being around your muse, but he certainly would feel a bit of guilt given that they’re no longer the closest of friends.

* MOMENT OF WEAKNESS / OPEN.

Your muse, in whatever unfortunate setting, saw a glimpse of Maverick’s soft side that hardly ever makes an appearance. He’s not going to let them tell the world about his vulnerabilities, though. Not a chance.

* DISLIKED / OPEN.

Maverick is sarcastic, cold, and sometimes emotionless. It’s not surprising that not everyone gets along with the middle Braxton. The possibilities are endless—throw in some sexual tension and I’d actually fall at ur feet.

* PREVIOUS ROOMMATES / OPEN.

Your muse, at one point, probably knew Maverick better than everyone else at Covington. They overheard some of his phone calls with his parents, saw his notes for how he was to achieve his life goals, heard him crying in the middle of the night when he thought your muse was asleep. They could be extremely close now, as in one of the few people Maverick opens up to, or could be distant friends who know about one anothers’ struggles. The possibilities are endless, tbh.

+ ANYTHING LEGITIMATELY ……… IF U THINK THERE’S POSSIBILITY FOR SOMETHING COOL W MAV AND UR MUSE. SIGN ME THE F UP. THANKS.

[fleeting-sanity]

OC Talk #8

Force Powers List. 

Just to compile so I can check back and perhaps incorporate it in writing or art. In order from most proficient to weakest mastery. Leaving out Telekinesis as everyone has it. List is long! Might also update occassionally. Maybe.

Riornivo

Tutaminis / Barrier / Planetary Deflection.

Can catch lightsaber blades with his bare hand, deflects blaster bolts, absorbs Force Lightning, and the most advanced form is creating a shield which can deflect planetary bombardments, although it may cost his life. 

Healing / Revitalization / Resurrection.

What he loves and practiced the most. Advanced mastery enables him to completely resurrect a deceased person, which is also costly–puts him in a few days of coma or even death. He’d completely restore the body first, then concentrate in transferring the deceased’s Spirit back to their bodies. Doesn’t work with exploded ones.

Stasis Field.

Stops movement of every being in a wide range, and not as costly to use. 

Force Enlightenment. 

Absorbs knowledge pretty fast during his Jedi training, as he loves learning as much as healing. Not so much with combat techniques though. Sometimes can learn how by observing or experiencing the Force power by someone else in real time.

Force Empathy / Precognition / Vision.

Reads minds although he dislikes using it, able to see someone’s future hazily by interacting with them, and on a wider scale, events that will happen across the galaxy by meditating. 

Time Manipulation.

Basically the highest form of Force Slow. He stops time instead of increasing his own speed by the Force. He moves normally, but his surrounding slows to a standstill. Something he sneakily mastered from Valkorion. 

Mind Control.

Fully taking over someone’s mind, and unethical according to him. Only used it once on a Sith Lord out of desperation. Basic Mind Trick included. Also learned how to access and erase someone’s memories from his Stepfather.

Levitation.

If done purely by the Force, it’s still quite intermediate level. Since he obtained Brontes’ Architect Wings, he flies mostly using those tenta–wings. Very rarely so, as he wanted to keep the Wings a secret.

Mental Shield.

Basic mental block taught in the Academy when he was a Padawan. However, powerful Force Users can break through this and read his mind. On the more literal side, after the Patricide he strengthened his mental shield so much that it’s difficult to tempt, corrupt, or break him.

Force Cloak / Stealth.

Standard vanishing out of thin air. Can also shroud his presence and Force energy from others Kreia-style. Most used to avoid fights.

Sever Force.

Cuts other Force user’s connection to the Force. He learned it in the Academy, though it’s never used before.

Psychometry.

Witcher Geralt-style tracking skill. Common amongst Force users. 

Fold Space.

Can only teleport him and objects to nearby planets, he hasn’t quite mastered this one yet. When Cloak fails, he uses it.

Force Light.

One he wishes he truly perfected. He kept trying to use it on Sith and darksiders, although the success rate is pretty low. As long as he can decrease some darkside corruption, he’s content with it.

Force Crush.

He only used it on out of pure hatred after his Father forced him to the darkside. When it seems like Father’s dying, he healed him back and crushed him, repeating the torture until he’s satisfied. Scarred him for life.

Electric Judgement.

Weaker than Sith Lightning. Only used other than various forms of Telekinesis to incapacitate his aggressors.

———————

Rionnic

Force Scream.

He’s stoic and untalkative. So don’t make him Scream™ at you. Will irrepairably rupture your hearing. Also comes in different flavours–is it gonna be heavy metal, classical opera, or just straight up belting?

Force Speed.

Ataru Form movesets marries well with Speed, he mostly uses it on lightsaber swings and acrobatic evasions. Using an even faster version trained his body to withstand physical blows and inertia, paired with Force Body.

Force Choke.

Chokes the whole room. Hard to resist. Kinda used it a little too often on his twin brother during their earlier years after meeting each other.

Force Weapon.

Imbues wooden stick or other non-lightsaber objects with the Force so it could withstand blows from lightsabers and be used as a weapon. 

Shatterpoint.

Detects weak points and reads fighting styles of his opponents. Will exploit this to gain upper hand in combat.

Force Body.

Trained since he was an Acolyte. As most Sith, he got back up on his feet from hatred and rage. His body had endured so much physical torture during his days in the Academy.

Force Insanity.

Rarely uses it but won’t hesitate to break his subordinate’s minds with it. Learned through his sheer depression and trauma, not through conventional practice or learning.

Force Lightning.

Standard Sith Lightning. Also rarely used, as he’s more of a lightsaber expert. It’s mostly utilized as enchancement to his punches and kicks.

Force Stealth.

Learned from his twin brother. Useful for slipping out of crowds for a figure such as him.

———————

Aryuni

Precognition.

Senses danger precisely on who will it entail and what will happen from years to weeks before it happened. Gives her anxiety.

Affect Minds.

An aura of strange compliance emanated from her. It’s difficult to say no to her–which is quite dangerous, but she doesn’t realize she has this power. Her bubbly and humorous attitude reinforces it. She just thought people are inherently good.

Force Insanity.

She’s skilled in mind games, eventually, and naturally learning how to break people’s minds. It’s especially potent, as Force Healers have difficulty cleansing the corruption. Fueled by the bullying people hurled at her.

Force Empathy.

Good at sensing mood changes, but she’d attribute this to natural ability. Genuinely cares for those in service to her though.

Telekinetic Lightsaber Combat.

Can sometimes disarm people’s weapons from their hands. If she spots weapons lying around whether from defeated opponents, situational, or a result of disarming, she can telekinetically operate those weapons. 

Mental Shield.

If you peek inside her mind, it’s filled with memes. Endless memes.

Force Bellow.

Senya used this during their performance together at the Alliance cantina. She later taught Ary this technique for her singing performances.

Dun Möch.

Shrouds her true nature from uninformed enemies, acting defenseless to get them to strike first. With other opponents, she would try to out-logic or reason with if it’s something that could be resolved by a simple talk. 

Force Slow.

During her younger years this was still quite weak and difficult to control. As she got older she could slow her surrounding quite significantly, even halting blaster shots if she’s fast enough in anticipating it. 

Force Rage.

Found in the Mama Bear package. If she witnessed her children getting seriously injured, be ready for a violent scene… which is not pretty to look at.

——————— 

Avery

Center of Being.

If given time to fix her stance before a challenge or a duel, she will hold Senya’s Saberpike like how it’s posed with Senya’s Holostatue, preparing herself. A calm and focused Avery is a very formidable opponent.

Ionize.

Having Skytroopers every time everywhere with her, it’s important for her to disable them and other droids as she pleases. Learned this power from her twin sister, enchanced by her natural knack at machinations.

Cryokinesis.

She didn’t get the nickname Ice Queen just for her demeanor. She could drain heat from other living beings fairly quick, and there’s chilling aura emanating from her that the Knights dressed in heavy armors liked.

Mental Shield.

Basic mental training from Senya and the Knights, and learned a new perspective for it from Rio during her brief time in the Order. It’s important to shield her mind as Empress, the most you’d get from her is a string of mathematical equations. 

Force Bellow.

Learned from her Mother. She’d use it to startle her opponents mid-fight. Instances where it happened are blades lock, her being disarmed, after a feint, and being outmaneuvered. Handy in her Empress speeches.

Force Stealth.

Also to avoid crowds and for espionage. 

Force Lightning.

Golden like her Father’s. Stronger than standard Lightning, she uses it quite often but tries not to do so around her little brother.

——————— 

Avelyn

Force Empathy.

Senses mood changes like her Mother. Could also read minds, and she uses it often during diplomatic missions. At first she was reluctant on using it, but after several attempts on Zakuul, she’s not taking any chances.

Plant Surge.

Acts like Alter Environment, but with plants. Not many knew about this power of hers, and she had faint memories of flower crowns when using it. 

Force Lightning.

Quite strong. Could overpower a Sith in lightning clashes. But rarely used it as she thinks it’s a bit too violent and her little brother hates it.

Ionize.

She could destroy droids with ease, but at most just disables them thanks to her altruistic nature. 

Battle Meditation.

Enchances the newly rebuild Eternal Fleet with it, though would only do so when forced to. 

Force Valor.

Boosts others capabilities more than she utilize it for herself. 

Healing.

She’s still quite amateur with healing. Started learning it from Rio after the first coup. Could heal minor wounds and stabilize conditions.

Force Projection.

Projects images of objects and herself, although it only lasts for a brief period of time. Still practicing it whenever she had free time.

Force Choke.

Used when she was defending Zakuul from the first coup. Swore to never do it again, but deep down she knows she wouldn’t resist if push comes to shove.

Mental Shield.

Still quite weak, and she truly wants to improve at this Force attribute for diplomatic missions. If she could read minds easily, it shouldn’t be hard for her to build a mental fortress, no?

———————

Jurbiend

Force Cloak / Stealth.

Shrouds his Force energy, cloaks his physical presence, and cloaks others around him as well. Even goes as far as muting every noise they might make when moving. 

Force Weapon.

Since he loves to forge and design lightsabers, this comes in the package. Imbues solid objects to act as a shield against lightsaber blows, though it could still break if hit hard enough.

Mental Shield.

Perfected it, if you try to read his mind it’s just blank. White, empty space.

Mind Control.

Reads minds easily, accesses past memories, and all aspects of Mind Trick included. Can erase memories from people’s minds.

Force Speed.

Gets in a bout of speedy duel with his then unknown eldest Stepson. He was actually more nimble and precise than the Sith, but lost due to Rio’s resourcefulness.

Force Projection.

Malgus-style–scratch that it’s Naruto-style bunshin no-jutsu style doubles of himself. Still lost against Sithboi, but won him many battles over his enemies.

Sever Force.

Learned this Force feat after he became a Jedi Master. He intended to use it on his fallen Padawan but was forced to kill her instead.

Psychometry.

Handy in his archeology missions for those artifacts. Gets flashes of the place’s history.

Force Enlightenment.

Absorbs knowledge from datacrons, artifacts, classes, and libraries. Some of it might have contributed a little seed of darkness within him. He always be thirsty for knowledge, like his Stepson.

Alter Environment.

Still on amateur level. He could change the winds and weather a little, cause quakes, alter temperature, but only through concentration or meditation.

———————

Saxan

Force Drain.

Planetary Grandpa-style life essence drain, performed without rituals. During his younger years nobody except Dad knew about this power of his. Only used once out of rage, but luckily he was incapacitated before it reached far. Absorbing life essence made him stay young, apparently.

Force Destruction.

Majority of his Force powers are of destruction. He only had to close his eyes and he could topple mountains if he wishes so. 

Force Lightning.

Hates when Dad jolts him with a mild spark to get him off his laziness. His version was of a black and golden variant, strongest kind of Lightning there was at that time. Can summon black lightning storms from planets away, though he hates using it.

Force Choke.

Chokes massively, and uses it on his underperforming subordinates. 

Force Rage.

Since both his parents had this power, and Sax being the Inheritance Prince™, inherits it. Like a Sith’s darkside corruption, his eyes could turn red and it will take some time to cleanse the corruption. It’s feasible because he’s so lazy and apathetic he can’t even get angry for long.

Animal Bond.

Being an animal lover, he bonds naturally with animals, even the beastly ones. One of the very few things he cared about are animal lives.

Force Stealth.

Practiced it since he was a kid, but a pretty standard one. Uses it to prank the people of the Palace, but some can see through his invisibility. Utilized in avoiding capture and fangirls too.

Force Speed.

Standard speed. Mostly used to escape people, especially his fangirls. 

Force Vision.

Because he sleeps so much, his dreams are often premonitions of events happening in the future, ranging from tomorrow to thousands of years later. Dislikes when he got these dreams, as most of them are foreboding and nightmarish.

Pyrokinesis.

He dances a little with his Saberpike to summon some conveniently sized meteors. It perplexed him as to why he needed to dance, because he tried it with other methods and it didn’t work. Perhaps he hasn’t mastered this technique yet.

———————

Vianiel

Force Body.

Her resilience even intimidated the Masters in the Order, she was badly injured more than once in missions but recovered and insisted on going on more missions.

Battlemind.

Coupled with Force Body, she stood back up, sometimes catching the enemy off-guard. During her later years, despite having not battled in a long time, she still fights with agility and precision.

Psychometry.

Used in her archeology missions, tracking emotions left behind and also vague history about the particular place.

Saber Barrier.

She slashes her two lightsabers in an X shape, forming a barrier that lasts around a second. 

Force Persuasion.

Basic persuasion, most used when she does her underworld missions. 

[payroo]

“Especially today, when we’re bombarded by so much information and so many points of view, it’s so easy to say there are no good guys and there are no bad guys. Everything is just shades of gray. It’s seductive, because there is some truth to it. But using that as an excuse to live selfishly is something that we all struggle against, day to day. Through DJ, Finn finds that nobody’s purely perfect or purely evil, but that there are still things worth fighting for. There are things that are right and there are things that are wrong. This is not an entirely post-truth world [laughs]. There are truths that are worth standing up for.

“Every single choice Finn makes in The Force Awakens is a personal one, and this is what’s so endearing about him. It’s the opposite of what Luke’s doing in The Last Jedi. Finn is never acting for a cause. He’s always acting to help or protect someone right in front of him who he cares about, which is a really important part of his character.” -Rian Johnson, The Art of the Last Jedi

I like this tidbit from the artbook and I’m tired of bad takes that say Finn’s journey in TLJ is about going from cowardice to bravery. Finn’s not a coward! He managed to break free from the First Order, which wanted him to lose his own identity/self-worth and serve only to further its cause, by choosing to look out for himself and for Poe. And he’s not running away from the Resistance out of baseless fear - at that point he basically still sees the Resistance as doomed, maybe even as just another cause that uses up people for its own purposes.

All he can do at that point is look out for Rey and make sure she has a safe place to follow the homing beacon to. He knows the First Order has a particular interest in her and how badly they want to capture her again. Because for Finn the ex-stormtrooper, making the choice to look after the people he cares about is being brave. And his actual arc is going from a macro big cause (on the wrong side) to micro (his empathy and care for individuals) to macro again (but this time on the right side and without losing sight of his own value as a person). I mean yes, I always want Finn to be treated better by Lucasfilm (I don’t mind humor in Star Wars and John is great at comedy, but I could do with not seeing him knocked over/etc as the punchline so much), but at the very least don’t misinterpret the precious few things they do give us!

[esbylion]

So I saw The Last Jedi, and it was pretty great, but there’s one scene in particular that I’ve been thinking about since, and not in a good way

I think at some point during the writing/filming process Poe and Rose basically had their roles in this scene switched around (and if you’ve seen the movie you probably already have an idea of where I’m goin with this). I also think, though this would be more speculative, that this was done to avoid putting gay content in the movie.

Pretty major spoilers for large chunks of The Last Jedi under the cut please be careful mobile people. Also it was like 2 AM by the time the movie got to here so I might not be remembering it 100%. I should really watch it again before writing this but maybe if I get it in text I can shut the fuck up for a bit

So there’s a bit in the movie where the Resistance is holed up inside a base protected by a massive door (that massive door is also the only way out), and the First Order is bringing out a weapon that can laser through it. Poe leads a team out to take it on that includes Finn and Rose, and they all roll out in their little saltspeeders. They start taking losses, and Poe realizes that it’s not worth losing as many lives as are being lost. He orders the team to break off and retreat, but the weapon is already firing up. Finn decides to drive straight into the weapon and destroy it. At the last second, though, he’s interrupted by another speeder crashing into his own, which is revealed to be Rose. He asks her why, and she says something like “this is how we’ll save the galaxy. Love” and then kisses him.

Meanwhile, the First Order’s weapon fires, blasting a hole through the door. Poe is back inside having gone in through a trench with what’s left of his team. Everyone’s concerned, but eventually (I’m pretty sure it was Poe) notices that all the little crystal fox things that were in the base with them have run off, meaning that there is another way out of the base. Other stuff happens that isn’t super relevant to what I’m getting at, but it’s very close to the end of the movie, so both of these actions constitute those characters effectively reaching the ends of their arcs in this movie. The trouble I have is that Poe and Rose’s actions finish each other’s arcs, not their own.

So, let’s go into some detail in what those arcs are. (Again I’ve only seen the movie once, so I might not be 100% on this) Poe as a talented but reckless pilot who immediately puts himself in danger against orders to try and strike out against the First Order. The attack is successful, but at the avoidable cost of several lives. Leia admonishes him, and we as an audience are shown the unsustainability of Poe’s particular brand of heroism. His cavalier attitude is established as a character flaw, and the movie’s overall theme of hating enemies and loving friends not being the same thing is established in Poe as something he needs to learn.

Later, the First Order manages to chase them down and starts gradually bombarding their ships, which manage to stay just out of range of their fighters, but not enough to avoid having their shields and fuel whittled down. During the initial attack, Leia is hospitalized, so Vice Admiral Holdo, takes over command of the Resistance, and acts as a foil to Poe. She starts a plan that seems likely to fail given our (Poe’s, as he’s the viewpoint character for these parts of the movie) information of the scene, and criticizes him for things that he’s proud of, and things that have endeared him to us by this point in the franchise. 

Poe, disliking Holdo and the notion of retreating, enacts his own plan to again strike at the First Order, sending Finn and Rose off to find help, then enacts a mutiny. This mutiny is ultimately stopped by Leia herself, and it’s revealed that Holdo’s plan was more sound than we knew, since the Resistance has a secret, defensible base that they plan to retreat to with cloaked ships. The focus of the retreat was to keep the Resistance members alive; gradually jettisoning their ships, and leaving them in a position where fighting back would be challenging, but at the very least, staying alive. Shortly afterwards the First Order starts firing on the transport ships carrying the Resistance, and Holdo sacrifices herself and the Resistance cruiser to stop them. This has an impact on Poe, as he comes to understand that his desire to strike at the First Order was blinding him to the possibility of other options, and the consequences of that were even more, preventable deaths.

Poe’s arc is essentially about him learning that to resist oppression is about more than just striking at the oppressor, that you also have to protect and care about the people close to you. His attitude at the start of the movie results in several deaths, and builds to the failed mutiny that puts him in direct opposition to the rest of the Resistance. It’s only after the ships are decloaked and Holdo’s sacrifice that he comes to realize that his priorities are not in order.

Rose, for her part, loses her sister at the beginning of the movie to Poe’s carelessness. When we first see her, she’s awestruck upon meeting Finn, only to become immediately disillusioned at the fact that he seems to be deserting the Resistance. The very beginning of the story is spent, for her, coming to terms with the failings of the people she’s had held up to her as heroes. Not a huge amount of time is spent on this (much like Rose’s development in general), but she gets a chance to become a hero when Poe and Finn enlist her help to go on a mission to track down a codebreaker who can get them aboard Snoke’s dreadnought.

They go to the casino planet, which Finn is not familiar with, and Rose reveals her disgust for the arms dealers and slavers that finance the city. Though this is when the movie is at it’s prequeliest, we also get to see Rose’s compassion and concern for those who can’t help themselves, specifically the animals used for racing and the kids forced into work. She, with the help of Finn, taps into that heroism that she’s been idolizing in order to act on her compassion by rescuing the kids, and the trapped animals, setting them free and striking back at their oppressors.

Rose’s arc is about her empathy for the struggles of others, and having the capacity to act on that empathy in a decisive, heroic manner. In that sense, she is the heart of the story, embodying the compassion that is encouraged in every other character. However, (maybe because she’s (unjustifiably) considered a side character) I feel like Rose doesn’t get the same learning experience that Poe / Finn / Rey / Luke do. This may be because, in (hypothetically) exchanging her role with Poe’s during the scene I’m talking about, her character development was cut short.

Rose’s role in the scene, where she crashes into Finn’s speeder to save his life, then kisses him, is not out of character, necessarily. The issues I have aren’t enough to suggest she shouldn’t be there, and that’s not what I’m trying to do;

It’s odd to me that she’s only shown to be a mechanic before this point in the movie, and is taking part in a speeder-based attack run, but there’s no reason she can’t also be a pilot

She’s just sort of added into the scene with little lead-in, but again, the movie’s already really fuckin long, I can’t blame them for skipping a scene or two like that

The relationship that Finn and Rose have been building doesn’t seem to me like one that would already be at the kissing stage, considering that they’ve known each other for like, a day, and have been pretty busy in that time, but realistically you could say the same about Finn and Poe and I sure wouldn’t be complaining about them kissing

My issues with Poe’s role are similar. As much as he’s already had a chance to mature out of his recklessness, demonstrated by calling for a retreat when the speeder mission is taking heavy losses, for him to so quickly adopt the leadership role that Leia/Holdo have been filling seems abrupt, though by no means impossible. In both cases, it’s not that the way things play out makes no sense, it’s just that there’s a few inconsistencies and issues, it’s not quite as clean.

But, by way of an exercise, let’s take the two roles, leave them structurally exactly the same, and swap the two characters. The speeder strike plays out identically, but at the moment where we reveal who saved Finn, it’s Poe instead, and Rose retreats back to the base’s interior, ultimately saving the Resistance.

Poe’s arc now concludes in much the same way, with him acting on his new understanding of the necessity of love as a tool to fight oppression. However, instead of doing so with something that just isn’t unreasonable, he does so in a way that is completely true to his character; crashing his speeder into another in a reckless, last-second charge to save someone he loves. He demonstrates the restraint he’s learned just as much by ordering the retreat, but without diminishing the passion and fire that he’s known for. Having Poe tell Finn that ‘love is how we’ll save the galaxy’ holds more weight, as it’s now Poe stating the lesson that sums up his arc through the movie.

Then there’s the obvious fact that adding LGBT rep to Star Wars would be huge, especially when it’s two of the main characters. Being bold enough to have Finn and Poe kiss at the movie’s climax would be very much in line with the core message of inspiration and hope for people dealing with oppression. I don’t think the rest of the film necessarily supports their romance as a definite conclusion, but Finn and Poe have enough scenes together that I don’t think adding the groundwork for their romance would be difficult. I think a lot of gay people, myself included, would have been absolutely thrilled to see that happen.

I also think that having Rose as the character who leads the Resistance to safety after the base’s door is destroyed makes her character arc complete in a way that it wasn’t during The Last Jedi as it stands. Rose, as I’ve mentioned, embodies the compassion and concern for others that the movie promotes heavily, and it’s this compassion that leads the Resistance to safety; by noticing the lack of crystal fox things, which have far less of an ability to fight back and defend themselves from the First Order, the Resistance comes to realize that there might be another way out of the base after all. Who better to drive that realization than Rose? Her empathy for animals was already established on the casino planet, making it more in character than it was for Poe.

More importantly than it suiting her character, though, is the fact that it completes her arc, especially as it relates to the overall story. By having Rose use the compassion that she brings to the film in order to save the Resistance, she sends a clear message that’s currently missing from the film. Not only is compassion for the oppressed a necessary component in heroism, but that compassion in itself can be heroic. Rose has the opportunity to realize that the characteristics of the people she idolizes (Finn, Poe, et al.) aren’t the only characteristics that are worthy of respect, and that she already embodies the qualities necessary to be a hero. 

In the movie as it is currently, she doesn’t really get that opportunity. I feel like having her as the character that saves Finn does nothing for her, since her concern for the safety and well-being of others, Finn included, is already well-established by this point in the movie. It doesn’t demonstrate that her character has learned anything, or conclude her arc in a satisfying manner. Having her as Finn’s savior seems to mostly be for Finn’s sake, and for this scene to be the last we see of her in the movie seems like a less than ideal usage of the character. If she’s put in Poe’s place in the scene, though, she gets to grow and learn just as much as with the rest of the cast.

The reason I phrase this as a theory about the two characters having been swapped during writing/filming is that it seems extremely unlikely, to me, that a movie that is otherwise very good at ensuring its characters grow and change would falter with just two of the principal cast in this way, at the same point in the movie, especially in a manner that coincidentally would have the two characters doing things that would complete each other’s character arc. I think it’s much more plausible that Finn and Rose were swapped at some point, and even though people are starting to catch on to what I’ve said about Rose being put in a role better suited to Poe, I don’t think people are talking about the flipside of that enough. Which is a shame, because Kelly Marie Tran’s performance is fantastic - I think her character is a big part of the movie’s themes and morality, and I’d love to see more of her.

Though this is even more speculative, if I had to give a reason for why this hypothetical swap would have taken place, I would definitely say it’s due to the fact that it would be a gay onscreen kiss between two leads in a Star Wars movie. I think Rian Johnson has been receptive to - if cagey about - the notion of Finn and Poe being romantically involved. For there to be a situation where Rose and Poe were swapped, the scene would have had to be written with Finn and Poe kissing in the first place, and I think that’s something Johnson, as the sole credited writer for The Last Jedi, could conceivably write. I would then suggest that, if that’s the case, then either Johnson changed his mind / someone involved in production at Disney or LucasFilm vetoed it, too late in production for the rewrite to address the structural issues introduced by swapping the characters around, leading to the structure of the film as it is now.

I’m not much of the shipping type, and aside from obviously being hugely in favor of more LGBT content in mainstream cinema, I feel like in terms of the movie, both in itself and with The Force Awakens as context, Finn’s relationships to both Rose and Poe have, at the very least the same potential for romance. I’m not sure why Rose would get precedence over Poe, especially since it doesn’t serve the story or the development of any of the characters involved.

To add to all this, the structure of the scene makes the crash and what follows a brief moment of tension and mystery, making us unsure of who’s saved Finn. This is obviously impossible without acknowledging the possibility that it could be Poe, and I’m not sure how someone could acknowledge that, then fail to come to the conclusion that Poe would be the better choice, without an objection that wasn’t based on the story. It doesn’t affect things much either way, but the main quote from Rian Johnson on the topic of Finn and Poe being romantically involved is “In The Last Jedi, no, there wasn’t an opportunity for [LGBT+ representation]…” (from this Mashable article.) This doesn’t make a lot of sense, since it seems like there was an opportunity to have Finn and Rose be romantically involved in a scene that is specifically structured to acknowledge Finn and Poe’s romance as a possibility.

Ultimately I don’t have any distinct proof that this is what happened either way, and I think if we were to find out that the swap I’ve described happened that Disney/whoever is responsible would catch a lot of flak for it. I think it’s a shame that we came so close to having major LGBT representation in a series as iconic as Star Wars, only to have a well-developed platonic relationship awkwardly shunted into a romantic one in a way that just kinda falls flat right at the climax of the movie. The movie’s great, and Rose is a lovely character, but I think she deserves better than being denied the conclusion of her character arc for the sake of what seems to most likely be making sure homophobes are comfortable, just because she happened to be the nearest woman at the time. Maybe Rian Johnson can come through for us with a Director’s Cut that fixes this, or something

TL;DR - In the battle on the salt planet, Poe should’ve been the one who saved Finn, because his character arc was about learning that love is just as important as hating the oppressed (the line literally delivered by Rose), and Rose should’ve been the one who used her compassion for the defenseless to save the Resistance while realizing the power and importance of that compassion, and herself. It seems like the movie was originally written this way, because I don’t think it’s likely that both characters perfectly completing each others’ character arc is an accident. The most obvious motivation for doing so would be to not have gay romance in the movie.

[uldren-sov]

LATE TO THE GAME BUT- if you wanna, a distracting kiss for older!Az&Jac

9. Distracting Kiss - When you are competing, maybe playing video games or something so you press kisses anywhere available; arms, nose, knees, ears, knuckles, temple, just anywhere to distract them.

NOT QUITE SUPER OLD but that 30′s 40′s Baby-Master feels

+ some speculation on force bonds

About a decade later and Azred still wasn’t sure why they trusted him with children. What was once a basic misunderstanding and mishandling of just how to teach the younger generation, he found that in these later years he had drifted even farther from the norm of what it meant to be a Jedi - thus even more unfit to be a Master. Or so he thought, at least, he still had no idea what went on in those Council rooms, what it meant to be making decisions for the whole of the Order, even down to these personal personnel decisions.

It was up to the Master if they wished to take on a Padawan, of course, but there would never not be a pressure for the Masters to start to take on Padawans. That’s why they were given the rank of Master in the first place, right? It was true the Order did not have the luxury of “choice” much of the time due to the war but still the prospect was daunting.

In conference with some of the older Masters now Azred listened intently to their advice: a Padawan needs to be similar but not too similar, he needs to have compassion, an open mind, a readiness to learn from technique he might not have learned, and a limitless amount of patience. He was ready to be challenged in his beliefs, in a way he maybe haven’t even thought of and patience? After dealing with what he had dealt with, becoming a diplomat, and most of all being partners with Jac for his entire life? He figured he at least had that down.

The thought of him might have subconsciously summoned him, because a familiar presence was suddenly at hand. He always had a sense of Jac, the connection they shared wasn’t just intrinsic to each other anymore, it also could span across lightyears. So when Jac was simply miles away, no doubt lecturing about some subject the Council didn’t want him to lecture about: the importance of empathy, compassion, and even love when it came to the Force - Jac sensed it.

‘Couldn’t last two hours, could you?’ Azred heard Jac’s voice in his mind and he fought the smile off his face as he feigned attentiveness towards the greying Masters.

‘It was an errant thought,’ Azred said with nary a move of his mouth. It had been a decade since they learned they could manage to talk like this uninhibited and it had a great strategic value.

It was mostly taken advantage of, though. 

He got a sense that Jac was somewhere far off, maybe in the mountains, just as he was sure that Jac got a sense of the room he was in. He felt the relief of a warm, climate-controlled room from Jac and he had to repress a shiver at catching the barest of bracing mountain winds.

‘You’ve used that excuse before.’

‘It’s true this time,’ this time he couldn’t fight the smile.

“Something amusing?” Came the immediate objection from the fierce, lithe, Battlemaster as she crossed her arms before her.

“Nothing at all,” Azred replied smoothly. He gestured gently with his tattooed hand. “Please continue.”

‘Ohhhh … So that was today afterall,’ Azred heard Jac crow. It was accompanied by a chuckle to his own sudden apprehension.

‘Jacoac Lenn-’ he warned. He felt movement, Jac was moving - privacy.

‘So worried,’ he continued to croon.

‘Just because you don’t care about the Council doesn’t mean I can afford the same,’ he said, eyes darting from one of the congregation to the next.

‘Relax, Az. When have I ever messed with you during something important?’

To his credit he hadn’t, ‘never, I guess. I’m sorry for thinking you might-’

‘Good thing this isn’t important,’ he heard the rejoinder and blanched.  It’s true this wouldn’t infringe on any process but - he barely had time to reason it before being bombarded by images, feelings, intentions. Every single one of them more lewd than the last as he felt - almost like he was there - hands through his hair, over his chest, and in feeling a searing trail up the line of his neck to his temple he had to close his eyes. Unsure of whether or not it was Jac’s imagination or his own feeding into the sudden, intense, fantasy.  His cheeks burned as the thought of Jac kissing them was so intense he could swear his cheek compressed with physical pressure.

“… Tal’zayor, while there certain finer features about him - keep in mind that their sect is very much set apart for a reason, especially Master - “ cut in the same rolling lilt of the same Battlemaster. When Azred opened his eyes the rest of the group were staring with some measure of concern or unease.

“Stars! No, you misunderstand,” he cleared his throat, forcibly removing the images from his mind to the ringing, hearty laughter of Jacoac in his thoughts. “It’s simply,” he smiled sheepishly, “this is my first time back to Tython in some time, I’m afraid I’m not quite used to all the layers yet.” He made a show of loosening his collar. It worked. Sort of. They at least understood the sentiment.

They continued.

‘You’re terrible,’ he finally said.

‘You love me,’ he heard Jac reply and that, at least, warmed him in an entirely different way. He removed the outer, heavy, dark brown robe and folded it over his forearm.

‘I have, I do, I will,’ he thought. He felt the sudden rush of sentiment, heard and felt the barest clearing of a throat.

‘I have a lecture to get back to.’

‘Yes, I imagine you do.’

He smiled inwardly to himself and focused once more on the Masters, a bit of that youthful rebellion still not entirely gone, it seemed, and how he used to fly in the face of all of this talk of tradition - how unready, perhaps, he still was for a Padawan. He would play the part, for the most part, amidst his fellows, though.

But if only they knew.

[cait-writes-stuff]

Empathy - Takashi Shirogane x Reader

Prompt: Could you write where the reader has empathy and because each of Paladins and Allura have their own problems and emotions, she goes to each of them to help them feel at ease (like calming Shiro down with his PSTD)? but the reader has an attack when she gets bombarded and somehow revealing that she was captured by Zarkon and leaving her with amnesia or large gaps in her memory along with with very little emotions other than the basics (like happy and anger)?

Ever since you could remember you had a unique way with people. You just had this way of calming people with just your presence. You mother always thought you would grow up to become a therapist. 

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

Here on the castle ship you made yourself useful in many different ways but you were most helpful in the emotional therapy you could provide for all of the paladins. They all had their own woes and worries and with your natural powers you were able to soothe their pain.

As a general rule all the of the members on the ship came to you whenever they needed you. Some may not say it explicitly but you knew immediately when they sat down next to you from the emotions they were throwing your way what they needed. With Shiro though, he never came to you. You could clearly see his tired, drawn eyes every morning indicating yet another sleepless night but he ever once asked for your healing touch. You understood that as the leader he didn’t want to display any sort of weakness but you felt yourself wanting to help him.

You didn’t interfere with Shiro’s inner turmoil until you heard his terrified shouts and whimpers when you passed by his door on your way to the kitchen for a late night glass of water. You decided in that moment that you wouldn’t sit idly by and watch whatever plagued him give the fearless leader another sleepless night.

You pushed open his door and gently called out his name. He lay in his bed as stiff as a board. A sheen of sweat covering his forehead and his Galra hand glowed bright purple, illuminating the room. You cautiously approached him and brushed his sweat matted hair away from his face. His eyes shot open and his head flew to your neck defensively. His breathing was hard and labored as he came back to reality all the while you kept your soothing touch to his skin as you tried to control his erratic emotions. As soon as he realized that his hand was on your neck his eyes widened in horror.

“Oh god!” He cried hanging his head in his hands and gripping his hair. “[Y/N] I-I’m so sorry.”

“Hush, it’s alright Shiro. You weren’t in control. I’m fine.” You reassured him. You crawled up into the bed and wrapped your arms around him. You soothingly ran your fingers through his hair sending waves of feelings of comfort and warmth his way. “It’s alright Shiro. You’re safe now, you’re far away from that place.”

“The things I did [Y/N].”

“It’s all in the past. You did what you had to to survive, Shiro. You’re here now, no one blames you for anything.” You soothed. He didn’t say anything for a while and just enjoyed the warm feelings you were bathing him with. He hadn’t felt this relaxed since he was abducted so long ago. After a while of just holding each other, you assumed that he had fallen back asleep.

“I haven’t told anyone this, “ You confessed to his sleeping form. “But when you found me on that trade planet I was in hiding. I was once a prisoner of Zarkon and I escaped somehow. I don’t think we were ever on the same ship but I don’t remember much of my time there and my memory is still really foggy. I’m sorry I haven’t told you this earlier or when you’re conscious but I want you to know that I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, Shiro. I know the plague of the mind all too well.” You confessed. You wished you had the courage to tell him all of this while he was awake but a part of you feared how everyone would react. The last thing you wanted was anyone’s pity so you thought it would be best to keep your history as vague as possible.

“You’re the strongest woman I know, [Y/N].” Shiro mumbled sleepily. So he wasn’t asleep after all. “Thank you . . . for everything.” He didn’t say anything after that and his breathing slowed to a comfortable slow pace. You assumed if he remembered any of this you would be having a discussion in the morning but for now you were exhausted by the use of your powers. You settled into the bed closer to Shiro and fell asleep wrapped around him, should either of you need any more comfort tonight. As you slipped into unconsciousness you couldn’t help but to think that this would probably the best night’s sleep that either of you have gotten in a long time.

[lj-writes]

Finn the cold-blooded killer?

I have one question for people who believe that Finn, as written in The Force Awakens, never showed regret for killing his former comrades:

Do they also believe Leia, as written in the original trilogy and more recently in TFA, never grieved her family and friends lost in Alderaan?

We never get a scene with Leia explicitly mourning the destruction of Alderaan, after all. (I’m talking about the theatrical releases of Episodes IV-VII, not media tie-ins and EU works.) We don’t see her wake screaming from nightmares, we don’t see her break down crying, we don’t see her discussing her feelings about Alderaan. Therefore she never cared about her family, friends, and people lost with her home planet, right?

Because, when you think about it, this is the exact same metric that’s being applied to Finn when some fans say he never regretted attacking his comrades and possibly killing them. We don’t see him discussing what he did during his escape from Starkiller Base, we don’t see him talk about or otherwise express his feelings. Ergo, he never had any bad or conflicting feelings about shooting at his former comrades. Right?

But, you might say, of course Leia deeply mourned the destruction of Alderaan. We know that she cares deeply for people and would go to any lengths for those she loves. Besides, what kind of unfeeling monster would feel nothing for the destruction of her home planet?

Oh, really. Oh, reeeeally. Because Leia is a warm, caring person and not a cold-hearted monster, it stands to reason that she was deeply traumatized by what happened to Alderaan even if the movies did not explicitly show it. So, applying that same logic to Finn, it stands to reason he was unaffacted by shooting at his Stormtrooper comrades because...? Because he’s a violent inhuman monster because Reasons? And what would that Reason be? Because he shot at his former comrades and never showed regret- oh, snap! Circular reasoning! Finn is bad because Finn is bad, what a feat of logic!

The above in itself should demonstrate how ridiculous this whole attempt to smear Finn is, but I’ll go further and demonstrate that TFA does in fact provide clues to show that Finn had very conflicting feelings indeed about his actions, exactly as Episodes IV onward had many clues to show Leia grieving Alderaan and grappling with her trauma. The only requirement in both cases is that you start out with the premise, or even just the benefit of the doubt, that both characters are capable of empathy and love. If you accept this premise for Leia but not for Finn, then really you’ll have to examine your own reasons why.

(TW discussions of trauma, survivor’s guilt, and suicide below the fold)

Leia first: After escaping the Death Star she consoles Luke about the loss of Obi-Wan, telling him there wasn’t anything he could have done. That scene can read very easily as Leia talking to herself as much as Luke. Her own grief is too huge and raw to touch at the moment, and if she were to start talking about her own feelings she could very well break down and stop functioning. Taking care of a grieving Luke, on the other hand, that was a manageable task and a way to start poking at the edges of her own crushing wound.

Also, when Leia told Han and Luke that the escape from the Death Star was too easy and they were being tracked, that showed two things: a) She’s really freaking smart, and b) she was knowingly leading the Death Star to the rebels’ secret base. Let that swirl around your head a little; she was leading the weapon of mass destruction that had destroyed her home planet before her eyes straight to the heart of the rebellion. It was a brilliant and desperate last gambit, of course, to bring the Death Star to the very place where the Rebellion’s full strength was gathered for a kill-or-be-killed fight. It paid off beautifully in the end, too.

However, while the strategem was ultimately a success, and it’s possible there was no other time or means to meet the Empire at the Rebellion’s peak strength (the way they were close to disintegrating in Rogue One certainly suggests so), it was still unthinkably risky. The Rebellion would have been dealt a blow it would never have recovered from had Luke not made his slam dunk.

So yes, Leia was brilliant but also incredibly reckless. I wonder what made her so willing to brave the risks to herself and the entire Rebellion from the very superweapon that had (we assume, again the premise being that she is a human being capable of emotional devastation) dealt her indelible trauma. It’s almost as if she was acting recklessly out of grief, isn’t it? As if she were suffering from survivor’s guilt and wouldn’t mind too much if she met the same fate as her people who had been destroyed before her eyes?

Then there’s Episode V and the evacuation from the Rebellion’s new secret base in Hoth, where Han shadowed Leia making sure she also left and did not stay behind in a base under Imperial bombardment. Again, in the same context as the leadup to the Episode IV finale, it stands to reason that she has been showing disregard of her personal safety and those closest to her were keeping an eye out that she did not commit, in effect, suicide by enemy--likely the only form of suicide she could accept, due to the circumstances of her loss and the kind of person she was.

I could go on, but I think this is enough to show that it’s a very reasonable conclusion, though not made explicit, that Leia felt severe grief and survivor’s guilt from the destruction of Alderaan, and showed classic symptoms such as focusing on others who had suffered loss and recklessness about her own--and in some cases others’--safety. Again, this is assuming that you accept it as a given, or at least a strong possibility, that she is capable of such feelings.

What about Finn? I have only one movie’s worth of material to examine about him, but one basic contradiction shows up very clearly to me. This is Finn’s outright refusal, at first, to face the First Order in a fight once he got away from Death Star Jr. Starkiller Base. And that should feel odd, because we know Finn did not back away from a fight with armed opponents--that he’d fired without seeming hesitation, even with evident fience joy, at former comrades in the course of his escape. This incident is at the center of anti-Finn fans’ charge that he is a ruthless killer. Yet, due to his unwillingnes to face the First Order, other anti-Finn fans call him a coward for wanting to run away. So which is it?

One possibility is that he fought in an adrenaline-induced berserker state when he was defending himself, but later realized what a close call he’d had and that he should get as far away from the First Order as possible before his luck ran out. And while that’s not an unreasonable inference, it also conflicts with the fact that Finn is not known to back down from challenging and dangerous confrontations. This is the guy who couldn’t go through with the easy “fight” of mowing down unarmed villagers, putting himself at immediate risk for his refusal, and then willingly chose the infinitely more dangerous path of freeing a Resistance pilot and breaking through the defenses of the First Order’s premier weapons facility. So it doesn’t quite fit that Finn would not willingly choose risk outside the heat of battle.

Remember our starting assumption here, the same assumption that makes it possible and reasonable to read heavy trauma and survivor’s guilt into Leia’s actions: That Finn, like Leia, has relatable human feelings. When you plug in that assumption, it becomes possible to read another dimension into Finn’s fear of the First Order: That it wasn’t confronting the First Order that he feared, but rather what he would have to do to fight it.

I mean, think about it. Where did Finn’s seeming joy at shooting his way out of Starkiller Base come from? In no small part from having a fight he could finally believe in, no doubt, but doesn’t it also stand to reason that it was actively cultivated in soldiers like him? He was, after all, taken from his family and trained up for one purpose: To be a mindless soldier for the First Order. Isn’t it not only possible that probable that a lifetime of training surfaced in the heat of the fight, leading him to fire on the enemy of the moment to survive?

Isn’t it also very possible that he felt sick once the dust had settled and he could think clearly again, thinking of the people he might have hurt, wondering if the people he knew were among the dead and wounded, hating what the Order had made him into?

Is it possible that he was willing to run to the literal edges of the known galaxy and lose himself forever rather than have to face that part of himself again, to become what the Order had made of him?

That he was, deep down, more afraid of himself and what he might become than of the First Order, and was running from being put in a situation where he might have to kill and hurt slave soldiers like he himself had been?

I’m not saying this is the only way to read his story, and in fact the layers of conflicting motivations and complex emotions are precisely what make this character so fascinating. But it is eminently reasonable to read deep regret and trauma about fighting his former comrades into Finn’s actions and choices in TFA, much like it is reasonable to read grief and survivor’s guilt into Leia’s actions and choices in the original trilogy.

We only require the starting premise that Finn is fully human with relatable human feelings, much like Leia.

And if you find that premise easy to accept for Leia but not for Finn, then you need to ask yourself some hard questions why that is.

[cosmic-irrelevance]

the 451 dystopia/paradoxes of conviction

i've just finished reading ray bradbury's fahrenheit 451. it's a book that stroke nothing in me when i finished reading it. no scene actually made me feel anything- not when clarisse died, or montag killed beatty. shock, maybe. emotional stirring? no. but it's impact truly came after i read the book and let it simmer. it came the moment i decided that i was "done with thinking for the day" and stopped learning, favouring listening to a generic pop track instead (work from home by 5h, it works when i rly don't wanna think about anything). then it hit me. that the 451 dystopia is, in actual fact not very far from me at all. all my life, i've done good without thinking. i read my first real book outside my syllabus at 17. and i didn't even read alot until i got to university. life was fine. it was fine without thought. i liked watching tv, listening to music. in fact, when i'm tired after getting overloaded with information after school, that's all i want to do. not think. engage in more sensory experiences. 451 really shocked me otherwise. there is value in knowledge. i can't even articulate what the consequences of a superficial life is, but i know it. ive seen it before. they are in people all around me. mildred knows it. she attempted suicide. she suppresses it. i've grown more aware in the past few months, but this feels like the catalyst, the catalyst to me abhorring ignorance. ignorance destroys the garden of earth- nature and thought and relationships and empathy. ignorance brings me to the next point is kind of, the myriad of viewpoints i've been bombarded with in the past week. it kinda sheds light on something i've been wondering for a really long time, that is, why those people would vote for trump. we did a reading today on refugees and exile, and while i can't say i fully comprehend the whole reading, part of what the author (david morley) was saying is that the way people define ourselves is through excluding others. we belong here, and we do because there are people who don't. and i guess trump played on this-not sure if i can call it- basal instinct in people to want some place they can protect as their homes that he managed to garner support from the white masses. the opposing view ive heard though is from lauren's talk at the urban outfitter's event. i share the same stand as her, but i've never really thought about why. it's just, when you look at people and their individual stories and sufferings, it's just not possible for me to not want to help them. it's out of my moral compass to look at these vulnerable groups, with all due innocence, seeking a place they can hide and recover from all the trauma of having their homes destroyed, only to deny them of an asylum. i'm doing a course on human rights now, and the thing about human rights is that if you believe in it, there's no reason to deny these people the right to meet their needs with dignity. it's their rights, their rights they have on the sole basis that they are human. nothing else. and if you disagree with me that all humans deserve rights, how would you like if someone treated you like a slave? and if you think that can't happen, what do you have in you that makes you superior to these refugees? lauren's view though, is that all of these stem from self love. if you love yourself, this love spreads to others. because they are human too. they are genetically coded the same way we are. they are our brothers. they are our sisters. i 100% stand by that, but my mind will take a little while to pry open. and on human rights and activism, there's something else. lexicon seems like a line of weakness of every activist- language is, afterall the cornerstone of thought. all around activists are trying to stop us from using labels- thordis elva goes as far as to say that using the term “rapist” to describe the entity who had committed that act doesn't help in solving the problem. i don't deny that. we think, therefore, we are. but here, i guess i'm going back to the 451 dystopia. ray bradbury actually had letters written to him getting him to remove the racism (one of the MINOR antagonists in the book which montag gets back at is called Black, i'm pretty sure intentionally) and portrayal of women (mildred and her friends). to which he smartly says that that's the first step towards burning books. because people cannot tolerate other's opinions. montag could jolly well be gay, and mildred be his gay husband, and there'll be outcry saying bradbury targets the homosexual community. and if he changes his stand, that'll be akin to writing to please. and writing to please is too troublesome, too hard, he might as well not write anyway. i don't know how to reconcile these polarising stands. maybe i'll write again, when i do. i've a copy of milk and honey in my bag now, which i'm totally stoked to pull out and read for the sole reason that i haven't read poetry in a while. but i guess it's the 451 dystopia again, reminding me of something. i'm starting to be freaked at its penetration In my life. basically there's this guy, faber. an old university professor. he says that books alone aren't enough to change the world, to score beneath the surface. there must be books, leisure time to understand their meanings, and the freedom to act upon them. so i guess that's what i'm doing now. was just reading about the paradox of conviction. it's interesting, but it would've hit me harder if i actually had something i was brought up to believe. it's not to say i wasn't brought up to believe anything, there are certain things my parents believe in. my dad, for one, is devoutly anti government. it's just that i don't share their views. they weren't inserted into me before i was washed over by social studies, before i knew how to think. but i guess it gives me reason to think that things might've been different if my dad preached all of these to me earlier. bear with me i'm just rehashing the argument here: so i guess i shall go with the example that i was brought up to think that there are multiple gods (i'm buddhist, though not as devout a follower as my dad). say i have a friend. my friend is monotheistic (she's christian). just because she believes the way she does, and i do the way i do, doesn't mean that i think i have better grounds for believing the way i do. that is, i don't have evidence that there are indeed, more than one gods, which makes her belief less reliable. it's just the way things are. or rather, it's the way our upbringings are. she was raised christian, i'm buddhist. if you see where i'm going, yeah there's actually no reason for me to believe that my beliefs in buddhism are rational. and being the rational being i am, i should actually not believe in buddhism. i also know i've checkmated myself because no one says religion is rational, but what if i was raised to think otherwise? for example, that the earth was flat? i don't know what to think of this argument because firstly, i do not hold to a lot of thoughts i was raised to believe. my family doesn't communicate all that much, so most of my thoughts come from books and the media. secondly, there can be empirical data proving some beliefs better than the others. that doesn't mean either party should give up on their beliefs though. not everything has to appeal to reason. to the chagrin of every rational brain is the actor of the heart, the existence of emotions. it's like how vladimir and estragon continue, irrationally, waiting by the tree for godot. not because they believe they have strong grounds to do so (they have, indeed, no grounds at all), but because it brings them feelings of hope and purpose. i feel a tad better now that i've got my thoughts out. it's hard thinking in your brain.