#she could torture me all day long for a month straight and i would say thank you

[humanplaypretend]

Redrew an old doodle of Miss Mooney and…. and i…. listen whatever she wants ill comply no problem yes ma’am of course ma’am anything you want ma'am

Also her dress has an open back, you cant see it but trust me bro its there

「Og doodle under the cut ↓ 」

[luveline]

gorgeous can we get bombshell reader and Spencer May be the first time he’s snappy with her bc he’s stressed and she’s just so taken aback and May be even tears up? And then just a fluffy ending with Spencer apologizing

thank you for requesting! fem, 2.2k

Spencer Reid is extra kissable when he's frowning. Button up and no suit jacket, sleeves pushed past his elbows and hair on the shorter side, he holds a certain confidence in his hands where they're tucked in his pockets. Sure of himself, and clearly agitated. 

You're always on his side; you don't think twice about easing into the conference room to see what's wrong. 

"Hey," you say with a slight lilt to your tone. You're always on his side, and always flirting. "What's wrong?" 

"Why does something have to be wrong?" he asks. 

Not mean. Not light. Somewhere in the solid middle, his gaze loyal to the laptop on the desk he stands behind. You step close enough to smell the subtle scent of his cologne, wondering if he can smell your perfume in turn, and if it's one he likes. You try to touch his hand and he takes the desk into his grip instead, leaning forward, out of reach. 

"That's not what I meant to convey," you say, still flirting. You're not stupid, you realise his mood, but you're hoping it's somebody else's fault. "But if you aren't happy to see me then I'd definitely suggest there was something wrong." 

"I'm just trying to figure something out." 

This close, to your own credit, Spencer usually trips up. He's been getting better as you've grown closer, your 'torturing' —as the team likes to call it— only prompting the occasional blush or stammer. You don't flirt with Spencer to torture him no matter what anyones says and you never have, you flirt with him because he deserves to be complimented. He's andsome, intelligent, and courageous. What others might miss you see in blaring neon lights: he's a catch. You intend on making your intentions known, and if that means playing the long game or the slow burn, that's okay. You like to dance. 

You put yourself between him and the laptop screen. He can still see it if he cranes his neck, and he does. "You look a little tired, handsome. Looking at a screen all day will hurt you in the end. Neck aches, shoulder cramps, eye strain. Though I can't help with the latter, the former…" His arm is solid under your hand, your fingertips running along the ridge of a stark vein. 

He doesn't quite flinch away, but he moves quickly enough to startle you, lamenting, "Could you give me some space, please?" 

That's all well and good, you rush to do as he's asked and step back because the very last thing you want is to make him uncomfortable and his voice is frankly acidic, but everything is moving too quickly, you're not as aware as you should be —you smash your hand backwards into a cold cup of coffee and knock it straight into the lap of Spencer's laptop. 

"No," you gasp, grabbing the cup before the entirety of it can empty. Coffee wells between the keys and you go to grab it to– well, to do something. 

"Stop it!" Spencer shouts, voice sharp as a knife. "You always do this," —quieter, venomous— "you can't help yourself." 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I would answer you if I had the time. I'll be busy rescuing my hard drive before an entire month of work is wasted thanks to your dire need for attention." 

He slips around you and stalks out the door, coffee dripping from the corner of his laptop in a sorry trail that shines in the fluorescent lights. 

Your first rush of tears are driven by indignation; it was an accident, you didn't mean to do that, why would you ever do that? But the second, more encompassing rush is a hot mixture of shame and guilt. What have you done? 

You take a hesitant step toward the door but don't bother following him. I'll make things worse, you think, bringing a hand to your face. Makeup marrs your hand as you wipe your cheeks. You stare down at the stains for a long, long time. 

I'll apologise, you think eventually, rubbing at the mascara like soot on your palm. Just as soon as I look okay again. 

You don't want Spencer or anyone to see you upset. You wear your makeup and your confidence for yourself, not to hide any insecurity but to embolden yourself, to be yourself. But to get to your desk you'd have to leave the conference room bared as you are, and you'd have to face Spencer, and the second option brings more tears. 

This is all so messy, and it's your fault. 

I'm such an idiot. I'm exactly what he thinks of me. 

You sit in the chair furthest from the door with a pack of tissues from the cubby and rub your hot cheeks dry, streaks of mascara in the shapes of your fingertips like soot left behind. It's sitting that gets you —the shock of tears at being shouted at by someone you care about amplifies into a distress you can't explain. It's stupid, it's stupid. You press your face into your hands and curl in on yourself at the table, ears ringing. I'm so, so stupid. 

—

The inside of Spencer's lip is bleeding, metallic on his tongue. He's white hot annoyance all the way to Penelope's office, choked as he tells her he needs her help. 

"Spencer?" she said. "What happened? Are you okay?" 

He realises what he's done. "Please, Garcia, can you do something? I really need to go." 

He doesn't hear her response beyond her surprised but emphatic Sure, spinning on his heel to walk back the way he came. He rubs at his temple, moving between a slow trudge and a speed walk as he assesses the damage of what he's said. What did he say? your dire need for attention. 

Your sniffing is something out of his fucking nightmares. Who does he think he is? You're sitting exactly where he left you next to that half empty coffee cup, a tissue scrunched in your trembling hands, visible in the small glass window of the door. You must be thinking of what he's said to have missed the sound of his footsteps, or perhaps he's left you too upset to want to look up. 

He sees the moment a sob works through you, watches you hold your breath in a painful effort to keep it down, raising the tissue to your eyes and catching your tears before they fall. You're doing a lacklustre job despite your efforts, the oily shine of mascara iridescent on your cheeks. Or maybe that's tear tracks. It's hard to tell. 

Spencer fights with himself. He doesn't know if deserves to come running back or if it would be more fair to send JJ or Derek in to comfort you. 

"You made your bed," his mom would say, not without affection. "You have to lie in it." 

Spencer squeezes his eyes closed to push away the memory, surveying the damage he's done carefully as he crosses the threshold back into the conference room. Your head lifts at the sound of the door, your stammer visible before you speak, "Spence– Spencer. Is your laptop okay? Did I break it? I'm so sorry." 

Gideon would tell Spencer to be nicer. Hotch would say Reid in that stern shade of voice that's half disapproval and half fondness. They'd both tell him to be better, but neither of them have ever had to see you as you look now, tearstained and sorry, eyes wide with worry but shoulders tense. He has his role models, and yet none of them could possibly give him a way to apologise that could ever make up for they way he's made you feel. 

Little dramatic, Morgan would say. Start with a hug, loverboy. Can't go wrong with a hug. 

He should ask but he doesn't, a second transgression against you. Spencer pushes past chair and the sodden circle of carpet to your chair, pausing in case you're going to tell him to shove it. You lick your lips. "Did I break it?" you ask, as though resigned for a yes  

He can't temper that amount of self-hatred on you. It doesn't suit you. He much prefers you the way you like to be, confident in everything, flirty and funny and soft, in both touch and touches. He takes your face into a careful hand, tilting it toward the light and weary of your shallow exhale. "I…" He begins and ends, stroking your tacky cheek with his index finger, as though brushing away an eyelash. If it were real he'd say make a wish, and you would wish for him or some similar sweetness, salacious smile to boot, or earnestness fit to fill a mountain. I wish you'd realise how pretty you are and stop denying me the pleasure of a beautiful boyfriend, you'd croon. 

His fingers collect at your jaw and slip behind your ear as he cleans your skin with the side of his thumb. You lean into the touch, slashing his hesitancy in two. 

"Sorry," he says, pulling your head toward his neck gently as he leans down to hold you. "I'm sorry. Don't be upset, please. Don't be upset " 

"I'm an idiot–" 

"No," he says, with the facts to back his denial. "I'm an idiot, I should never have upset you like this–"

"I broke your computer, it's just like you said–" 

"I shouldn't have–" 

"–I'm so needy I could've ruined all your hard work," you say, wriggling with guilt like you attempt to pull away. 

Spencer really doesn't want to let you go now he has you, not until he's sure you'll stay in one piece. "If it's ruined, it's my fault for failing to back it up." 

He should tell you that he's sorry for what he said. He knew it wasn't right he moment it escaped him, to speak to you like that, and accuse you of what he did. He basically called you selfish, uncaring. He implied it and worse, and for what? An accident? A mis-step that he practically forced you into? 

"I never should've said that to you," he says, breaking his hug to crouch in front front you, searching blindly for your hand as he holds eye contact, looking up. You deign to frown down. "And I walked away. And you're crying," —his voice fries with sympathy— "because of me." 

Your hand is limp in his. "I'm sorry," he says. 

"It's okay." You sniffle and nod, lips struggling into a smile. 

"It's not okay." 

"Well, I hit your coffee over, so we're even." 

"You accidentally spilled my drink, you didn't deserve to be mocked." 

"Spence…" Your eyes half-lidded, you wince down at the cradle of his hand where it holds yours. "Did I break it?" 

"I don't know. I got to Garcia's office and I knew I did the wrong thing, so I came back." 

You swallow audibly. "I just wanted to make you feel better." 

"I know, angel." He stands again as your eyes well with tears to hug you, kissing the top of your head. "I'm sorry. That was all me, okay? I shouldn't have snapped at you." 

What follows is agony. Spencer patting your back through a panicked bubble of tears, wretched in knowing he caused it, and worse is the look you give him as he wipes your messed up make up away in want of a mirror, like you're grateful. 

"Does it look really bad?" 

"N–no. You look really pretty," he says. 

"Are my eyes puffy?"

A little. "No. You look great." He can't apologise anymore– it won't help you feel better now, it'll just assuage his own worry. What you need is a different reassurance. "It's hard not looking at you, sometimes, you look that nice. But you know that already." 

"I don't mean to do that. I didn't mean to." 

Spencer puts his hand above your heart. "I know you didn't. I really, really shouldn't have said it. I was being cranky and I struck out like a kid." 

"...You're not just saying I look nice to get back in the good books, are you?" you ask. 

Spencer leans in, nearly nose to nose with you. "Of course not." 

You tilt your head as though you might kiss him. He knows you won't and he's delighted anyways. It means you're feeling okay. He's nearly forgiven, or, at the very least, you're not actively upset. "I thought I liked seeing you pissed off, but now I'm not so sure." 

"It's not a good look on me," he murmurs. "But it looks great on you, if you want to get angry with me."

"Well now I can't. I know it's what you want." 

"Can I give you a hug?" he asks. 

You drop all your acts and slide your arms around his neck. He wraps you up slowly, one arm at a time, careful to put all the pressure exactly where you like it. 

"That feels nice," you mumble. 

He bends into you and rubs your back. "Yeah?" 

"Don't," you warn. 

He draws a shape into your back with his fingers, slow, tiny things that make you squirm. "Don't what?" 

"You're tickling me." You don't sound unhappy about it. 

"What?" he asks. "I can't hear you over the sound of me being a huge jackass. Sorry, angel." 

Your giggle is honey into his shoulder, sticky and sluggish as his circles turn to stars.

[fangirlies]

Jump your bones (x.t)

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem!reader

Summary: You shared a secret with your roommate Enid but little did you know it would bite you in the ass later on. 

Warnings: Swearing. Some mentions about sex. (Anything else I’d need to add, please let me know)

Word count: 989 words

part 2 • part 3

“Ugh can the two of you get a room!” you shout to your roommate and her boyfriend as they made out on her bed. “You guys are seriously starting to make me consider getting a new roommate.” As she separates from her lover, Enid laughs.

Ajax pouts mockingly, "Someone's upset they're not getting any love and affection from a specific someone." Enid gasps and softly hits him on the arm.

Knowing that Enid had revealed your secret to her partner, you glared at her.

———————

You two were playing ‘would you rather’ in the dark one night as you lay in bed, unable to sleep. You two were laughing at the options you were offering each other. 

"Would you rather be a vamp or a siren?" you asked into the darkness.  "Boringg" Enid replied, “Siren. But that was incredibly boring. Please y/n give me a juicy one!” 

You gave a gentle laugh sensing how eager she was for a challenge. Your thoughts became blank after a few minutes of contemplation. You couldn't come up with a question that would suit Enid's demand for a "hard choice." Enid broke the silence after observing your struggle.

"Would you rather fuck Xavier or Kent?" You gasped internally at Enid's bold choice of words since she rarely spoke in that manner, but a chuckle followed not long behind. 

"Easy, Xavier. I thought you wanted a difficult round!" You could tell Enid's eyes widened by your reply without even glancing at her.

Enid has been attempting to get any kind of information out of you since your first day at Nevermore. You, being the guarded individual that you are, never gave in. So this is the first time you've ever attempted to display emotion to Enid. It might have been the lack of sleep talking, or it could have been your desire to open up a bit since the two of you had grown close in the last several months, but either way Enid was eager to pull something out of you.

"Isn't Xavier cute?" She enquired. You pursed your lips into a straight line as the thought of actually fucking THE tortured artist crossed your mind. 

"He's sooo sexy. If I had the chance to jump his bones, I would not think twice about it." You both chuckled and continued your spicy game of would you rather till sleep took over.

————————

“You told him about that?” Your eyes widened in disbelief. Now standing up from your vanity and walking towards the couple. 

“That is so embarrassing Enid, how could you! Ajax, I totally did not mean I’d jump his bones. I just think he's cute. Not even! I think he’s decent looking but I would never--” Waving your hands up, you continue your rant like some kind of crazy person. Enid’s eyes were now bulging out of her skull. 

“Y/n, please stop. I never made it that far!”

You come to a complete stop and look over to observe Ajax's reaction when you realized what Enid just said. You started laughing uncontrollably, which was a tendency you had when you were extremely uncomfortable. Ajax was trying hard not to laugh, knowing that if he did, Enid would slap him again. This time most likely actually hurting him.

"Oh," was all you could utter in humiliation before spinning and reaching for your sweater. "I'll just pretend I was never here."

And with that you made your way to the quad.

  ‘Gosh y/n, you’re so ridiculous! He’s decent looking? Who even says that? This is so embarrassing.’ You thought to yourself as you took your usual seat at a bench. You knew you spoke far too much, letting out something that you never imagined leaving your dorms’ four walls. You sighed loudly as your fingers worked their way through the small knots of your hair.

“What’s on your mind, Tiny?”

It felt as though your heart stopped beating for a minute. You lifted your head from your hands, settling your gaze on the familiar pair of emerald eyes you enjoy looking into a little too much. His gem-like eyes had always been so soothing to you. So captivating. So mesmerizing. They made you instantly melt. You giggled at his nickname for you. When you two first met, you were given the nickname 'tiny.' The new name stuck because of how significantly smaller you are in comparison to this giant.

Scanning your head for any explanation, you frantically spewed out the first excuse that made any sense.

"Just swamped with schoolwork, nothing too serious," you say, giving him a small smile to make it seem credible. Xavier nodded slowly, indicating that he, too, was stressed about school.

"I could say the same thing. Drawing is the only thing that keeps my head above water sometimes."

As he offered you some advice, your heart melted.

 "Find something to keep your mind off of it for a while," the long-haired brunette continues as he stares off into the distance. " You like to write, don't you?  If you ever want to visit my shed for some quiet time, you're welcomed to hang out with me." You tilted your head to look him in the eyes. It was endearing to see him try to comfort you, even if it was just some bullshit reason you made up. Your pulse skipped a beat at the idea of you two alone in his drawing shed.

You gave him a genuine smile. "I'd like that" you replied as he started to rise from his previous sitting position.

“I’m sure you would, gives you the perfect excuse to jump my bones” he taunted as he whispered this in your ear. Exposing his perfectly white teeth just before making his way to his dorm room.

His last few words made your mouth drop open. Oh, you're going to destroy Ajax. No, you're going to destroy Enid. Both sound quite appropriate right now.

———————

A.N: hi my fan girlies! This is a little short writing about the insanely good looking Xavier Thorpe. I’m absolutely swooning over this 6’2 yummy man. Hope you enjoyed this.

Edit* this is my first writing ever in a very very long time! so happy you all are enjoying it <3

[veeluvss]

be careful what you wish for - missing part 2

read part one here !

emily x daughter!reader

“Y/N,” Emily whispered. Her voice was shallow, like a ghost.

Like it was only in your mind. Like she was everywhere yet nowhere all at once. She took a step closer to you but you took one back. There was a field around you - one of pain and you knew full well that as soon as she stepped too close, your entire body would break down.

“Baby,” she whispered again, her voice still faint. You began shaking your head, over and over but it moved in slow motion. The entire room moved in slow motion. Your limbs were heavy and your head felt like a car balancing on the edge of a cliff. Your eyes stung with dryness as you hadn’t stopped taking in the sight of her. Her figure. Full. In front of you again.

Her hair was different than it was before. She seemed taller, slightly slimmer. Tears streamed down her face as you studied it. It was her. You were sure it was her. But it wasn’t possible.

“Y/N,” JJ said. You jumped as her hand touched your shoulder and you jumped away from her. She looked at you and you gasped. She wasn’t shocked like you.

“We had to,” she whispered and you shook your head, moving further away. Your eyes shot between your mother and JJ. Your mum and JJ. Your mum and- You never thought you’d say that again.

“Stop!” You screamed. Your mum's voice floated around you - as if she was everywhere again and you collapsed to the floor. “You can’t be here!” You shouted at the imposter in the doorway. “Get out!” You scrambled to your feet and charged straight towards the woman pretending to be your mum. “Get out!” You screamed, pushing her out of the doorway before slamming the door shut in her face.

You don’t know how long you stayed there, with JJ sitting in front of you but you felt like you were going crazy.

“It’s not real,” you kept telling yourself. “It’s not. It’s not real. IT can’t be real-” you sobbed gripping your hair.

“Y/N, please listen to me,” JJ sighed, holding your shaking hands. “We had to fake her death to protect you both,” JJ explained but you shook your head. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true.

“No,” you screamed, pushing JJ away. JJ had watched you suffer and torture yourself every day for ten months knowing she was still alive. Knowing she never died? Knowing she’d come back?

“You knew,” you whispered, unable to form any sort of substance to your voice.

“I had to,” JJ replied.

“I’m her daughter,” you scoffed. Did you not get the right to know too?

“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” JJ sighed, rubbing her temples.

“No you’re not,” you said simply. You stood up and left your bedroom before walking straight past Emily and heading downstairs. You walked to the only place you felt loved, sane… your mother's grave.

“I never wanted you to not know,” Emily sighed, walking up behind you after about an hour. You didn’t reply. “But we had to keep it from you. In case Doyle ever got you,” she sat beside you as your eyes read the name on the grave again. Your mother's name yet she sat beside you.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you, through Jay. Every day it hurt me to see you hurting and I came back as soon as I could.” You sighed, holding your knees closer to your chest. “I’m proud of you, for getting through it and I know you can get through this too.”

“Where were you?” you asked after a few more minutes of silence.

“Paris,” Emily replied and you sighed. Paris was your place. Every year your mum took you to Paris for your birthday. It was your favourite place in the entire world. “It wasn’t the same without you.” She added.

“It wasn’t the same without you either,” you replied. You wanted nothing more than for your mum's arms to wrap around you, hold you like she used to but you felt so unbelievably angry. Yet so happy. Your dream came true, your mum came back. But she never really left. She never left. Her death was a lie. But how could you lie to your daughter about death?

You stayed with Penelope for a few weeks. Seeing your mum when you had to. They got you signed up to the Bureau’s therapist and every night you cried in Garcia’s arms from such confusing feelings. You hadn’t spoken to JJ, you couldn’t look at Emily and now, even with your mother back - you felt more alone than ever. It was strange because it was all you wanted. Every day she was gone you craved her back. You begged anyone for her to come back and now- now she was back … you couldn’t even face her. Be careful what you wish for.

[baddiewiththebook]

ONE OF THEM [PART 2]

-> Dating your best friend Eddie Munson might have been pictured differently in your head. Despite a blissful weekend, you’re met with a few bumps in the road; and, your friends slowly figure out that what you're doing in private crosses the boundaries between friend and lover.

-> eddie munson x you (she/her)

-> friends to lovers, secret relationship, angst

-> warnings - strong language and suggestive scenes [no smut]

[Part 2] [Part 3]

This is a sequel to One of the Boys

-> <-

"Five minutes," Steve counts on his watch. "I swear I'm leaving her."

Adjusting the itchy Family Video vest against his chest, Steve has had enough patience with Robin. He slams his fist into the horn on his car hoping the entire neighborhood wakes up. Maybe they could riot to her front door to get her out of bed.

Steve twists the dial to his radio. Seriously, where is this girl? Every morning at seven o'clock, Steve stops by her house to give her a ride to school. And, every morning the same routine plays like a horribly tuned piano. Well, today's the day, Steve puts his foot to the gas pedal.

"She can walk to school," hand on the gear shift, Steve readies to peel off the curb and zip down the street. But, he doesn't.

No, Steve is far too gentle of a soul to leave his friend out on the edge of a cliff like that. Allowing a puff of hot hair to escape, he rests back in the drivers seat and takes his foot away from the pedal. Maybe knocking some sense into his head would do the trick. He bends forward onto the steering wheel. The horn beeps, and deafens him.

Robin yanks open the car door. "Good morning, sunshine!"

"Next time-" Steve says lifting his head.

"'Next time, I'm leaving you!'" Robin slots into the passenger side, and buckles herself into the car. "Anything new with you?"

Steve doesn't like to believe that he's gotten so predictable. In fact, all driving around Robin to school and the the endless amount of freshman that need rides to go to and from their stupid after school club, Steve contemplates asking for compensation. But, again, he's not that guy.

"What took you so long?" He asks.

Robin scoffs. "I was in the bathroom. What? You want me running out here with my pants down leaving a trail behind me? I don't think so."

"Thank you for that visual, Robin," Steve winces.

Sure, she's running a few fifteen minutes late, but doesn't everyone have at least one bad day - or a week - or month - or year?

Robin sat straight up in her bed that morning with a pile of drool next to her on her pillow. Hair stuck straight out on one side of her head like it was trying to escape her. Yes, she could hear every horn honk that came from Steve Harrington's car, and no she did not make it her mission to torture him every morning by being late.

Her power went out. Or, maybe she slept through her alarm. Potayto; potahto. Either way, she smudges on a bit more blush from her compact in her bag, she's in the car now right?

"Did you eat breakfast?" Steve already know's she'll say 'no.' "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know. And, don't you have a test in first period? Shouldn't you be focusing on that instead of . . . what is that pink stuff?”

"It's blush, Steven," She teases. "You sound like my dad."

"Ha ha," he quips back. "Backseat."

Robin stretches around to see a brown paper bag soaking in it's own juices. He's stopped at the diner, before he came to pick her up. Sure that might have been his lunch for later in his shift, but he would rather not have his friend pass out while trying to recite the alphabet or whatever they teach these days.

"Stevie!" Robin pouts her lip.

"Shut up," he jokes.

Their relationship is platonic, although Robin did have to wave off Steve’s crush on her. She’s not into him, nor is she into any other man she’s ever come across. As a friend, however, Steve has turned into one of her closest. She relies on him, especially with him withholding her biggest secret. She’s very gay.

On the way to school, Hawkins is still all the same gray town. Cool weather blows winds through the streets freezing them all like icicles. Snow this year is said to be minimal, but freezing temperatures suggest otherwise.

Pulling into the parking lot of his old high-school, Steve hits his breaks sending Robin sliding forward. She clutches her bag, and adds a screwed look upon her face.

“My bad,” Steve doesn’t sound very apologetic. But, nonetheless, they’re friends and he has to pull her leg when she pulls his.

Robin springs from the car with her backpack in her hand, and her breakfast sack hanging out of her mouth. She muffles something along the lines of ‘thank you’ lost in translation behind the paper bag.

You wouldn’t know from the outside looking in, but Robin is quite apprehensive about school. There’s only so many crowds, and so many people that she can manage at one time. That’s usually why she’s on the hunt for someone she knows so bright and early - to defend her of the rampaging school children.

For example, Jason Carver is one of the biggest a-hole’s in the school. But, people still praise him like a King. That was Steve once, so she tries not to be too harsh when she judges him. But, he’s not making the best case for himself when he’s threatening a freshman boy for flunking Jason's homework. Jason’s minions are given the order to toss him into the dumpster, and Robin has the smarts to look away.

Robin swings open the double doors to be smacked in the face with the thick musk of high school air. She’s a bit late, so she thought that maybe people had begun flocking to class. Wrong. She dodges some kid parading around with an easel with the legs sticking out, so at least no one would bump into him.

There’s a window of opportunity for her to swing into her home room, and chow down on her breakfast before Mrs. Brown doesn’t scold her for not sharing with the rest of the class. She’s got about ten minutes until the bell rings, and Mrs. Brown is no where to be seen. She’s probably got her head over the copier grinding the gears a little too hard to give out weeks worth of homework due tomorrow. That’s her favorite.

As Robin sits in her usual spot, she opens the greasy bag in front of her. Bundled under a pile of trash from Steven’s breakfast burrito, she does find herself a single sandwich. Ham and Swiss cheese with far too many thick slabs of tomato for her liking. She lets the tomato slide off in a pile of sad gooey slime, and then places the bread back on top of the sandwich to complete it.

“I’ll see you later,” the usual conversation between classmates bores Robin, but the sound of your voice piques her interest.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later,” Eddie’s words draw out low and deep.

You’re giggling now, and Robin tilts her head to the open door. Without checking for other occupants, you swing Eddie into your shared home room to plant a various amount of wet kisses to his lips.

Frozen in time, Robin sits like a statue. She knows she’s not supposed to witness the exchange. Especially by Eddie overlooking his shoulder a number of times, before running off down the other hallway. You chase after him, but only to learn into the hallway to watch him run off.

You’re completely smitten.

Robins never known you to be this unaware. There’s a time and a half that she’s readied you for dates, but she’s never seen that shine in your eye, the flush on your cheeks or the floating just above the ground where the rest of us are.

How she skirted past being caught by you or Eddie is mind blowing. But, you’re in a ‘love bubble’ that’s impenetrable.

Robin grabs a thick needle, and jabs at the edges until the bubble bursts as you sit down. Forgetting the sandwich, and the painful growls from her stomach, Robin now twists in her seat making the chair moan.

“Good morning, Robin,” you’ve got cupids arrow in your ass. “When did you get here?”

“I don’t know,” her sarcasm is drooling from her mouth now. “Sometime before you and Eddie started making out at the door.”

Your stomach flips, and your face drops down back to earth. “Uh, oh.”

Robins bounces. “When did that happen?”

“Last Friday, after school,” you blurt as the bell rings. “Listen Robin, you can’t tell anyone what you saw. Please? We’re just trying to keep a low profile for a while.”

The classroom begins to fill, while you’re still silently begging for your friend to keep her mouth shut for once in her life. Robin’s the worst at keeping secrets!

And, Robin does go through the list of who she’ll blab too first. She could tell Steve because he would just reply ‘Who?’ and get all squinty. Or, she could tell Dustin, who’s really close to Eddie. That’s a fair trade.

That’s when Robin notices the gray plume of smoke floating into the classroom. A haze of green and gold glitter spiral into the archway. Suddenly, the mask drops to the tile floor. And what’s left?

Roxie Martin.

Robin might have a bit of an imagination, but what is very real is the absolute terror stricken fear written across your face. She’s a ball of evil with a bat hidden in her bra - probably.

Yeah, Robin thinks that she’ll keep quiet for a while.

“Good morning, class,” Mrs. Brown zips into the classroom with a years worth of paper stacked in her grip. “Roxie, please find your seat. And, unless you have enough to share with the rest of the class, put away your food, Robin.”

Robin’s stomach growls.

-> <-

tags: @stardustingold @loves0phelia @ogoc-19 @hellfirenacht @blackholegladiator @alligator-person @eggo-segual @rustboxstarr @harmfulb1tch

[mrswolffs-blog]

heyyy love, hope u are okay! i love your writing. if possible, u could write (for lewis) something like him and the reader being friends since they were teenagers (the reader being a driver too) and they keeps have a friendship for years, dating other people but secretly they are in love with each other but they don't say anything because they're afraid of losing each other. but one day lewis gets upset about something (like jealousy) and ends up confessing to her.. thank u love 💕 (and srry about the english, it’s not my first language)

Love: Lewis Hamilton x Bestfriend!Black!Reader

Y/N and Lewis had always been best friends, some would even say they were conjoined at the hip. The two met when they were in high school, Lewis being 2 years older than Y/n, yet due to her smartness was able to be in the same class as him seeming that she skipped two grades. She supported Lewis through his early stages of racing, attending races and helping him with strategies whenever she could, as he supported her on her journey to becoming a Lawyer by helping her with studies and research; going as far as to staying up late at night risking his strict schedule for her.

They had been through it all, witnessing each other's passes and fails, their up and their downs, their light and darkness and let's not forget the most important at the moment which was their relationships. they witnessed and jealously supported each other's relationships as Y/n dated the most 3 guys while Lewis had his reputation of changing girls every two weeks-luckily if it even lasted that long. All this being to the fact that they are in love with each other but out of fear say nothing as to not ruin the friendship. Then came graduation where they both had to separate for weeks to months because of studies and work, only seeing each other once or twice every six months. Overtime they had found themselves back together solidly as Y/n started to work as a Nurse in Formula 1. Her job was to check over a pilot who was involved in a crash and to write down all the data for the doctor to be aware of what they're working on.

This particular day, Lewis had been sent off the track by Fernando who drove into his rare wing which resulted in them both spinning into the tires. they were both led into the office and Y/n immediately ran to hug her best friend. "Lew-bear, are you okay?! Take a seat I'll come to you after I've examined Nando since I was instructed to. she went off to check over Fernando and analyze for any sign of injuries, it didn't go unnoticed by Lewis that Fernando was shamelessly flirting each time he said something. This made him angry as he knew that not a lot of women were able to resist the charm that he had. he watched on as Fernando laid gentle touches to her hand and held it longer than normal each time, she asked him to pass some things, the way he looked at her as if she held all the answers to all the problems of the world and it angered him as in his mind, he should be the only one to look at her that way. in a way to distract himself from starting a fight, he decided to listen to some music and scroll through Instagram.

The torture finally ended as Fernando was cleared to go, he left after giving her a hug and patting Lewis on the shoulder. Y/n packed everything away and made her way over to where Lewis was seated as she realized he wasn't in the mood to talk so she started her inspection and ended it quickly to let him go. "I know that you aren't in the mood to talk so when you're ready, you give me a call ok?" She asked as she Lewis into a hug that he didn't reciprocate but instead looked at her as if she was dead to him and pushed her. "No thanks, maybe you should go listen to what Fernando has to say. It might be more interesting!" he spat before walking out the after giving her one last dirty look. Y/n stood there in tears, shocked and confused as to what the man she calls her best friend meant. she lazily packed up her thing and went straight back to the hotel, not bothering to wait for him to be done with his work.

Meanwhile, Lewis was beating himself up for how ill-mannered he had been with how he naughtily spoke you Y/n. on the way back to the hotel he shed a few tears, feeling as if he had disappointed everyone and everything he stood for as he replayed the incident in his head. The car came to a stop in the garage, and he slowly got out making his way to their shared suite, entering to hear the showers on in her room he entered and sat on her bed to wait for her. The showers had stopped, and rumbling could be heard as she got dressed before the door opened and she appeared in sight.

"I'm sorry" Lewis said lowly when she turned around and saw him. "I just couldn't handle the anger that I felt while watching him carry on with you like that" he said shamefully with his head hung low. "Lew, I'm not understanding what you're saying to me" Y/n replied as she thought he wasn't saying what she was thinking. 'Let me make it clear then. Y/n I'm in love with you and I've been this way since high school, I just didn't do anything about it because I was scared you'd reject me because of my behaviour back then. I kept quiet and let you live on but i panic when i saw you doing nothing about Fernando's flirting because I thought you were interested and that was why I pushed you away. I understand if yiu never want to speak to me again after this but atleast consider forgiving me, please?" Lewis pleaded as Y/n just smiled at his gentlemanly nature.

Y/n walked up to him pulling him down into a soul shaking kiss that left his head spinning when they broke apart but managed to understand what she was saying. "i forgive you Lew-bear. I did the moment you walked away because i knew that no matter what, that you'd always come find me when you were ready to talk" she said that had him smilling widely to the point that his eyes disappeared. He engulfed her into a hug as they stared at each other with nothing but raw love in their eyes. They finished whatever needed to be don and went to bed, feeling happy and content in their new status and Boyfriend and Girlfriend.

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 9

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.  

Word Count: 20.4k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.  

A/N: This is gonna be a rather lengthy author's note but it's needed. Y'all must definitely know the wonderful @imagine-that-100​ and her masterpiece of a fic Nothing Revealed In A Common Crisis. I'm not exaggerating when I say that fic changed my life in many amazing ways: it introduced me to the 1975, I made friends with N and she's now my best mate and such a special person to me, and through becoming friends with her i gained the courage to start writing again and finally post my fics. I hold @nriacc so close to my heart, so it's a massive honor that N allowed me to borrow Wheels and Curly to use in this story, giving them an alternate universe story line that melts my heart. I'm so beyond excited for you to read this chapter and the rest of this UK trip because it's so fucking fun and eventful. I'm looking forward eagerly to see all of your reactions! I'll shut up now, but I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!!!

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

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It was cruel how slow time had been going. A month had never felt longer, and days were specially slow as she was back at the Focus Creeps office everyday.

Organizing all the clips she had gotten from the recording had only kept her busy for the first week back, and after that it had just been torture to get back into routine.

The one good thing was that, since Aaron had a new PA, Ella was properly getting more into the videography aspect of it all and being mentored directly by Ben.

She had studied for that type of job, all she had ever wanted was to be behind the camera in any type of production and finally being able to do it, no matter how small the production was, was a dream come true.

However, it was a lot of work and, whilst she loved it, managing the crew and instructing a whole team for a production could get really stressful. She still had her PA brain in her so regardless of not needing to, she would take on more responsibilities just to ensure everything would end up perfect on shoot day.

Needless to say, just the thought of the holiday approaching made her incredibly giddy.

The day she had gotten to drop Breana off at LAX had been the day she had started getting nervous. The model had been able to get off work and fly over a week earlier than Ella, and even though she had offered to wait another week so they could fly together, Ella had encouraged her to go ahead.

Bre was already dying to see her boyfriend, so why would Ella want to keep her another week away from him?

The silver lining of the situation was that she'd get to be with everyone in only a week. Just seven more days to wait were nothing in comparison to the three endless weeks she had already waited so it'd be fine.

When she got home that afternoon, she went straight to get her suitcase which was hidden away in a corner of her closet. Ella laughed to herself as she packed away, the whole scene being soundtracked by Bowie. That was probably the first time since she moved out to college that she had packed her things with that much time in advance.

She had just rolled up a pair of black pants when 'Modern Love' was interrupted by a call. A call from the one and only, Alex Turner.

Beaming at the contact name, she swiped on her screen to answer and it wasn't even a fraction of a second later that she heard "Hello my darling!" being shouted by a very obviously drunk Alex.

Ella could hear chatter and music in the background, but his loud slurred greeting had been heard without difficulty. "Hi Al! Having fun?"

"Erm," The singer hesitated dramatically, "A bit, yeah."

"Sure sounds like a bit of fun." She replied sarcastically, making him giggle.

"Far less than it would be if you were here."

Ella tried hard not to laugh again, "Oh wow, I'm worried now I might not remember this trip."

"Oh it'll be memorable alright." Ella couldn't hold her laughter in any longer, giggling loudly at the slurred statement and he smiled to himself hearing that sound, "Remind me why aren't you already on your way with Bre now?"

She sighed, "Because I have a big shoot this week and I couldn't miss it because I'll be filling Aaron's place and working directly with Ben."

"You're so fucking amazing, darling." Alex started, completely amazed at her stories now that she was hands on working on the directing aspect of their productions, "I want you directing our music videos from now on." He demanded as seriously as a drunk man can.

"I think drunk you might not be making the best decisions." She quipped with an immense smile on her face.

"Yeah, no." He was quick to disagree, shaking his head profusely like Ella was there to see him. "That'd be the best decision actually. I'll give Ben a quick call."

"Alex, stop it you idiot." Her cheeks were already heating up so she took her phone away from her ear and put it on speaker to place it on her bed as she continued packing. "It's only one more week. Six days if you count this day as over."

He groaned loudly, "Six more days is too long. I can't wait to see you."

Ella was fully melting. It had been so excruciating to be away from the lads, especially from Alex that she kept thinking about what it would be to hug him again. To lean on him for support as she doubled over in laughter, to cuddle him again. She missed him loads, and she'd realized just how important he had become to her when he had left.

She tried to play it cool though, "Okay but you should be more excited about Glastonbury rather than me coming, Al."

"Well you are coming to see us at Glastonbury so it's basically the same thing." Alex defended himself, when in reality he really wasn't able to point out which of those two he was most excited for.

Ella could only shake her head and smile to herself, "You're funny."

"'Course I am." Alex chatted back with an almost offended tone.

She wanted to taunt him a bit more, he was always hilarious when drunk. "That wasn't necessarily literal."

"Yeah, yeah sure–" Alex started but was interrupted by Matt yelling, "Ellie!" out loud as he had come out looking for Alex and heard her through the speakers of the singer's phone.

"Jesus Christ, my eardrums just burst." Ella exaggerated as she folded a black top and rolled it to fit into her case.

Matt scoffed, "Why are you such a bitch, I was about to tell you how much I missed you."

Feeling accomplished by getting that reaction, she giggled but admitted, "I miss you too Helders."

"Did you drop Bre off today?" The drummer asked first and foremost. He was eager to see his girl, a month had been way too long already.

Ella was proud to announce, "Yes. Got back a few hours ago. She texted me she was boarding about twenty minutes ago so your girl is on her way."

"Thank fuck. That plane better speed here." The hours the flight took were always the worst wait for him, they had been every time.

"I'm sure Bre is making the pilot go as fast as they can to get to you as soon as possible." Ella joked, being able to picture the scenario so clearly. But as she picked up her favorite pair of high heeled boots, the leather slipped between her fingers and landed with a loud thud on the floor. "Oh shit!"

The silence from the lads' side was loud, but Ella's was louder so Alex inquired very quickly, "What are you breaking Eleanor?"

Whenever he used her full name, her insides twisted in a knot. Ella rolled her eyes at the feeling and sassily replied, "Nothing Alexander, just dropped a pair of shoes I was about to pack." She hoped he felt the same way when she called him by his full name.

If Ella had gotten an answer to that, it would've been yes but it was overcome by the giddiness Alex then felt over the fact that she was already packing for the trip. "You're packing already?"

"Yes. Apparently I can't stay still now thinking about this trip." And it was true, she probably took a look at her tickets at least twice a day just to check if they were still real.

"Well it is quite eventful, innit? Glasto, Nick's wedding, the music video..." Alex listed with a loopy smile on his face. It would be the perfect first stay in the UK for her, and he couldn't wait to make it even better.

But Ella was suffering through the wait so it just made her whine for him to stop. "Stop because I will cry from having to wait another week."

Alex flustered at the noise but he was reminded he wasn't alone when Matt laughed beside him. The singer sighed, really putting his drunk mind to work out a solution to the problem, "Why isn't teleporting a thing yet?"

Ella snorted in laughter, "It would make it all so much easier, wouldn't it?"

He really started going deep in thought, thinking about how if they were just grasping the logical ways of the concept then the government or whoever would already have something developed. Or they should, at least. "I'm sure there has to be something that–"

Alex's heavy rant was prematurely interrupted by the usual troublemaker in the friend group. "Ellie?"

"Yes, Matthew?"

"Don't forget to pack your skimpy underwear, you'll be going out on the pull here. We need to get you a rebound!" Matt was so drunk, he missed the amount of people walking past them and turning to see him after being so loud about his plans for the American girl.

Ella cackled, deciding between a few skirts she had laid out on the bed. "It will be noted."

But at the same time Alex cussed out his best mate, "Oh fuck off Helders."

Matt frowned at him, "What? I'm just looking out for her! She needs to get every faint memory of that dickhead fucked out of her brain."

Alex hated thinking about that being the situation, he wouldn't have it. "Jesus– Just, fucking shut up."

"I do actually," Ella agreed on Matt's logic, "But let's not talk about it." She sighed in slight melancholy.

"See?!" Matt fought Alex loudly, making Ella laugh loud at him.

Alex turned to the drummer about to threaten him, "Helders I will fucking–"

Ella stopped them before they could do anything, "Okay don't fight now. I'm not there to record."

"Don't worry, I'll ask Jamie to record as I kick his arse." Matt said confidently, almost ready to run back in and ask for Jamie's help.

But she was quick to kick the drummer's ego down a few notches, "I doubt that'll happen."

"Bitch!" Matt gasped out loud, completely offended.

"Thanks for the support, darling." Alex replied with a smirk, raising his eyebrows at his friend.

"Yeah, you just say that 'cause you want his–" Matt tried to say but it was all muffled what she heard next. Ella held her breath to try and listen but nothing could be heard other than shuffling.

About a minute later the line went clear again and someone cleared their throats, "Sorry 'bout that darling, he gets on my nerves."

Ella shook her head, only imagining what it was that they had just done. "He has that effect."

"Well I can't wait for you to get here, darling. It's gonna be fucking amazing I promise you." Alex would make sure of it like his life depended on it.

Her excitement bubbled up inside her once more, "I know it will, I'm so excited. Finally started watching Game of Thrones to practice my accent."

He remembered getting a picture of the three seasons on DVD she had gotten not long after they had gone back to London and how she said she'd watch it soon to prepare for her trip. "Oh darling, I cannot wait to see you miserably fail at that."

"Hey!" Ella warned him before switching to her very fake and forced british accent, "It's quite good actually." Alex couldn't not let out the loudest laugh at it though, which made her laugh back as she tried to say, "Don't laugh!"

He tried to stop but he couldn't so it was about half a minute later that he could properly say, "Sorry, that was just bad."

"You're mean." She pouted to herself, rolling a pair of jeans.

He hummed and sarcastically said, "Sure I am." Ella was about to call him out for it when they heard, "Alex!" being yelled out by Nick. "Okay, I gotta go now but, erm, I'll call you tomorrow alright?" He stumbled in his words, his tongue tangling because of being drunk and excited.

Ella smiled at that, "That's perfect. Enjoy the rest of your night, Al. Love you." She just couldn't help but add.

Alex swore he would never get over her saying that, even if she didn't mean it like he wanted her to. "Love you too, darling. Bye."

"Bye." She said almost breathless as his words hit her like she hadn't heard him say that before.

The line went dead and they both sighed before going back to their activities. The week needed to pass faster.

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Ella had been walking around LAX with a skip on her step. Her flight was due to leave California at seven in the afternoon and she'd be landing in Montreal at around three in the morning. She had a connecting flight, of course, but she had made sure to make her calculations well and she knew she'd get there in time.

She had made sure to leave her house and order herself a taxi with enough time to spare, taking LA's traffic very into consideration. The counter of the airline she was traveling with had been packed but she got her boarding pass about forty minutes later, with two hours left to go through TSA and then rush to her gate.

Being mindful of how long it would take, she had already taken everything that could beep off her body and placed it inside the big bag she was carrying with her. Though she shouldn't have needed to worry because being the time it was and the fact that it was LAX, the line for TSA moved specially slow, taking her about thirty minutes to get through.

And, of course, her gate was the one furthest away so she was power walking through the airport, not without making a quick stop at McDonald's first. When she finally found her gate, she'd sat in the waiting area with her laptop open in her lap to edit some pictures.

She'd had to do some shoots on digital for a brand that was working with Focus Creeps and despite it not being her favorite medium, they had turned out amazing. She had studied quite intently everything about photo editing in university, so really she was just putting old skills to use when editing them.

When she was almost done with the first batch of pictures, and eating the last of her chips now that her burger was gone, she noticed that the time in the top right corner of her laptop said 7:16PM and they hadn't been called yet, so she started to fidget in her seat.

There was just one person at the counter but they didn't have the airline's uniform. She could see a plane parked right at the gate though, and people driving the boarding bridge in place. Her legs bounced up and down as she watched her surroundings for any signs of them boarding soon.

Just when Ella was about to panic because the person who was at the counter left, her phone buzzed in her pocket, startling her. She pulled it out, grateful for a small distraction from her building anxiety and her face relaxed at the notification of Alex's text.

(27/06/2013 19:17) Hope the airport isn't too crazy at the minute, darling. How's everything going? Have you boarded yet? x

She bit on her thumb, looking around for anyone from the airline getting the counter ready for boarding but no one was there yet so she fully focused on texting the singer.

(27/06/2013 19:18) We were supposed to board twenty minutes ago, so I'm slowly getting nervous. Every minute counts, you know? I can't miss y'all at Glastonbury Al :(

(27/06/2013 19:19) Don't you worry darling, you'll make it just in time. And I'm sure you'll be boarding in no time, just listen to some music, yeah? Maybe some Beatles to set the mood x

(27/06/2013 19:20) I think it'd be better if I blast some Arctic Monkeys, wouldn't it?

(27/06/2013 19:20) I suppose that works too, they're overrated though x

(27/06/2013 19:21) Okay now, don't talk shit about them when I'm only traveling this long to see them.

(27/06/2013 19:21) Hahaha sorry darling x I cannot wait to see you, the lads can't wait either and Bre has been screeching about your first time over here since she got here.

(27/06/2013 19:22) You always know what to say, Al. I feel like I'm gonna puke from excitement now and not anxiety. Can't wait to see y'all.

(27/06/2013 19:23) Everyone's already planning so much shit for when you get here. Just a little heads up for you x

(27/06/2013 19:23) Jesus Christ... I'm scared of the hangovers to come already.

(27/06/2013 19:24) It'll be fun, that's all that matters. What Bre and Matt are planning though, I have no idea about.

(27/06/2013 19:25) Oh no, they're in charge of the parties before the wedding right?

(27/06/2013 19:26) Exactly, so we must be in for a wild night. Gutted we can't be together for those x

(27/06/2013 19:27) Who's gonna save me from Bre then?! She's gonna have me black out, I can't handle alcohol as well as she does.

(27/06/2013 19:27) You can't handle alcohol at all, darling xx

(27/06/2013 19:27) Thanks for the faith, Al. So sweet of you x

(27/06/2013 19:28) Won't apologize for the truth x But Katie and my best friend will be there, they'll take care of you x

(27/06/2013 19:29) Rude! :(( I'm so excited to meet everyone properly!!! x

(27/06/2013 19:29) Just stay away from tequila and you'll be fine darling x And everyone is excited to finally meet you too xx

(27/06/2013 19:30) Such good advice xx P.S. someone's just set things up for boarding! I'll text you when I get to Montreal xxx

(27/06/2013 19:30) Have a great flight, darling. Love you lots xxxx

(27/06/2013 19:30) Thank you Alex, love you too xxxx

Ella stood up from her place with a bright grin on her face. She'd never not react like that to his sweet words.

Once she got her thoughts together, she hung her bag on her shoulder, after stuffing her laptop back inside it, and walked to throw away her McDonald's bag.

As soon as she was able to, Ella boarded her flight. Feeling so elated as she walked to the plane's door and through the hallway up to her seat. She loved being in planes, even though going out of the country had never happened for her before.

She found herself unable to stay still when she got to her seat. There were so many things making her insides feel like jelly, she had a little silent cry in the plane as it took off. Ella was grateful nobody beside her could really see her as she had a window seat, her eyes glued to how everything was looking more minuscule by the minute outside until it was just clouds.

Eventually, she pulled out her laptop again and continued editing, she had a little bit over five hours to kill and since she had no other way to distract herself, she was going through the pictures faster than anticipated.

How she was going to brace the seven hour flight from Montreal to London, she had no idea. She probably would have to come up with concepts for future shoots, work with words rather than with reference pictures since she had no wifi.

Ella had been amazed, watching Montreal under the plane when they were about to land. The lights of the city lighting up everything for her to see, she felt like a child being amazed at such a simple thing, but it looked so beautiful she had to take a picture. She used her phone first but it did little to no justice to it so she pulled out her camera and took a few pictures just to see if it would show on film as beautiful as her eyes could see.

Even walking around the Canadian airport was fascinating to her, because all the signs were in French too, which made her think about just how amazing it would be to visit France.

Thankfully, walking through the airport and finding her gate had been a breeze so she could sit down calmly and just sort through some stuff that she had been procrastinating for long. Before starting to organize her scans though, she sent Alex a quick text.

(28/06/2013 04:20) Landed in Montreal a few minutes ago, and at the gate waiting for the next flight! Only an hour left to wait and then I'll be on my way. I cannot stay still!!! xx Also Canada is beautiful, I love it! xx

Due to the lack of wifi connection, she sent it as a regular SMS, not really caring about being charged. She just hoped it went through as she went back to her laptop screen to work the next hour away.

But her bubble of giddiness had burst when she and all the others who were waiting for their connecting flight, were surprised by someone from the airline crew going up to the gate's waiting area microphone and informing them all that their flight had been delayed six hours because of some issues with the plane that was supposed to take them to London.

Ella scoffed in disbelief. Of course this would happen to me, was all that came to her mind.

When they told them their luggage would have to be picked up from baggage claim and they'd have to check in once again, it hit her just how much time she'd be losing.

She started panicking as she walked out to baggage claim, spotting her flight number in the furthest conveyor belt.

She had debated texting Alex again to tell him about the whole situation, just to let him know, but when she properly made her calculations and realized how much later she'd get there, her whole attention was drawn to fixing the issue.

People saw her rolling her big suitcase around the airport in a haste, her bag continuously falling off her shoulder but it was the least of her concerns as she approached the counters of the airline. She saw the big line of people and was about to cry, but thankfully she spotted some people assisting at the very end of the queue that could help her.

Ella told them about her situation and they apologized profusely. They told her to wait as they saw what they could do and after twenty minutes in which she just watched them type away, call and speak with different people behind the counter, she was told she could get a ticket for another plane they had which was leaving in two hours.

When the time was very scarily going closer to six in the morning, she had been able to check in her suitcase and run to go through security once again. She was grateful everyone had been lovely in every checkpoint, because if she had been faced with another obstacle, she was sure she would've broken down in the middle of the airport.

Never in her life had she walked so fast, and it was only when she got to her gate did she allow herself to fully sit in the panic. On her way, she had been doing the math and she realized she'd be landing in London cutting it very close to their set. It was when she remembered she still needed to get driven to the place the festival was at, that she found she'd get there after the lads had gone on stage, probably in the middle of their set.

Without letting another minute go to waste, she called Alex and tried her hardest to keep herself composed. At least she had a ticket and it would be a minor setback, not six hours.

"Hello, darling!" He exclaimed and she could feel his smile through the phone, her shoulders slowly loosening up at the thought of being beside her best friend soon.

"Hiya, Alex." Ella greeted, trying to copy his enthusiasm but she failed incredibly and Alex knew her so well now that he immediately knew something was wrong.

He walked away from the noise around him, they'd gotten to the festival early and they were all drinking and watching the final touches to the stage setup. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Ella bit her lip, trying not to get too worked up and push herself to tears. "I am, I am. Just— My original flight got delayed six hours..."

Alex's heart dropped, "Oh darling." He muttered, filled with sadness.

"Okay but listen," She continued, trying to switch the situation around—more to try and calm herself than anything else—, "I managed to get a new ticket, but it leaves in about an hour. So, if my calculations aren't wrong, then I might be landing around eight in the evening."

He hummed, "The drive is about two hours and a half, it's okay darling. You're getting picked up by the driver we hired, you'll make it."

She sighed, "I hope I make it on time..." She knew she wouldn't be there from the start but just the knowledge of being a few minutes late to their set wouldn't make her weep at that very moment.

Alex just had to reassure her though, because anything could happen and it was out of everyone's hands so the last thing he wanted was for her to blame herself. "Even if you get here a little late, we just want you here. It's okay Ellie. I promise you, darling."

If Ella hadn't been in public, she would've let herself sob, but she had to inhale deeply to keep herself at bay and focus on the fact that she was on her way to them and that was all that mattered.

"Okay, Al. I'm just gonna distract myself as I wait and, uhm, yeah. I hope this one doesn't get delayed." She tried to joke but her heart sank at just the thought of it.

"Touching wood as we speak, Ellie." He truly was, knocking softly on the wooden table that was set beside him.

She laughed quietly, "I guess I'll see you soon then Al, but just in case I don't get there in time," her voice went a little quiet as she was getting sad at the thought, "Good luck okay? You're all gonna do so amazing, I have no doubt."

"Why don't you just wait until you're here to tell me?" Alex just wanted her to stop thinking like that, she was gonna make it regardless and that's what mattered to him.

"Alright." Ella agreed softly, trying to feed off his positivity.

"Have a great flight darling. Love you. It'll be alright okay?" That sweet conviction of his that he always showed when it came to her laced around his words had her melting and calming down in her seat.

She nodded, smiling tightly at his words. "Yeah, it will. Love you too Alex, see you soon."

They exchanged quiet goodbyes and just like that the call ended.

The panic had gone away and its place had been taken by excitement again. She just wished time would go faster because she had little patience left inside her and it had only been fifteen minutes she had been waiting at the gate.

Working on organizing her scans had been wonderful for her, not only because she had so many that she had forgotten about, but she had been able to see her growth as a photographer and it had made her a little bit proud of herself.

It had been a burden to see the ones with Julian in them, or the ones that she clearly remembered had been taken by him but they were good shots of her where she felt and looked beautiful so she would focus on that rather than give that man any more of her thoughts.

She'd known ever since that day at the beach that she was done with him, over the whole situation and, since she wrapped her mind around that realization, she'd only felt peace. He thankfully hadn't made any more appearances or tried to contact her—of course that also was because she'd made sure to block all contacts that could tie them together any longer.

That all had worked like a charm and surrounding herself with work and keeping in touch with her friends and family had helped her heal.

When she was sorting through the pictures she'd taken in March, that were mostly frames of her birthday party as Bre had been drunkenly taking many pictures of everyone, the crew had started to board.

Ella was glad to see they had started boarding earlier than anticipated and she was on her plane seat in almost no time. And to her luck, she had been seated beside a very lovely woman who had the most beautiful ginger hair Ella had ever seen. That had been the start of the conversation and the girl, who's name was Gabby, had thanked her and started conversation with her right then.

It seemed like the friendship had been sent from above as the two spent most of the flight talking about everything and anything: their jobs, their hobbies, why they were on that plane, the things they were most excited for when they landed.

"Rockstars..." Gabby has started after Ella told her she was on her way to visit her rockstar best friends, "Be careful, you never really know about them." She warned, based on past experiences that made a melancholic smile tug at the corner of her lips.

When the plane landed, they had gone through all of the checkpoints together up until the baggage claim area.

Ella and Gabby exchanged Instagram accounts and they promised each other to keep in touch and maybe plan something while Ella was in London.

It seemed like luck was on Gabby's side because her suitcase was one of the first ones to come out only 20 minutes later, leaving Ella with a long hug and a "Take care sweetheart."

Without the ginger beside her, Ella had been well aware of every minute that was passing and how if everything was going according to schedule then it would be less than two hours that the lads would go on stage.

Maybe if the driver just floored it, she'd be able to make it just in time. She prayed that was the case.

But time kept running and she watched people getting their baggage and leaving, everyone but her. It was a group of twenty people maybe that was waiting with her, and suddenly the conveyor belt stopped carrying cases which made Ella even more fidgety.

When she watched the clock go from nine o'clock to quarter past, she'd had enough. She sighed, fixing her bag on her shoulder to turn around and leave—after all, if her case was found, it had her information attached to it and they'd contact her so she couldn't care less about it—, but then cases started rolling in again and the third one was hers.

Ella practically ran towards it and pulled it up with a strength she didn't know she had in her. As soon as she had a hold on it, she walked fast towards the exit in search of the driver the lads had gotten her.

It took her a few glances around the crowd of people waiting for her to find her name on a small sign. 'Eleanor Hayes' read the sign in the man's hands and she approached him with a relieved smile on her face.

They exchanged pleasantries and he took the suitcase from her as they walked out to the car. It was outside that it hit her where she was. Seeing cars driving on the other side of the road and everyone talking in thick accents around her was enough for her to smile hard.

Even if she was two hours away from the guys, they were standing in the same soil and that was enough for her to breathe calmly for a while.

Ella got in the back seat of the car, and once again she felt like she couldn't sit still. The worst part was that she wasn't even able to call Alex or text him because her phone was basically useless.

So she put her earphones in and connected them to her phone to play some music. Something inside her knew exactly what she needed to hear then and so she scrolled all the way down until she found that song she hadn't been able to stop listening to since that day.

Her eyes watched out of the window, how they were driving on the left side of the road, how different it all was but something felt constant and growing inside her. But then 'Feels Like We Only Go Backwards' started and her thoughts drowned before she could even allow herself to point out what it was.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Ella had made light conversation with the driver when they were walking up to the car and he had taken her petition to go as fast as he could to heart. He knew she needed to be there by ten in the evening so he had done the best he could.

Yet that hadn't been enough, because they got there at a little bit over eleven.

The driver had lent Ella his phone so she could call an assistant to the band's manager who was waiting for her to arrive.

The girl had been lovely and told Ella she'd be coming to get her and about thirty minutes later, with her heart leaping on her chest, Ella was walking up to the balcony at the side of the stage.

She was almost in tears seeing and hearing the massive crowd go incredibly insane at the sight of the lads coming back for the encore.

Ella had barely registered the manager's assistant telling Breana that Ella had arrived until Bre had jumped on her to hug her, and that was when the tears had started falling. Ella was so overwhelmed that she was just now processing the long day she'd had and it was hitting her like a ton of bricks.

She was so entranced by the guys getting their instruments and about to perform again that she had only been able to smile and wave at the girls around her. She recognized Kelly of course but she didn't know who out of the two other girls that were there was Katie and who was Alex's best friend.

Alex started strumming his guitar and teasing the crowd with the lyrics to 'Soul Love' by David Bowie, everyone at the balcony laughed as they sang it back to him but he was quick to cut them off when he said, "I'm only messing, I'm only kidding."

He walked backwards for a few seconds before going back to the mic and this time teasing them with 'Yellow' by Coldplay, which made the crowd sing it back to him even louder.

"I'm only messing, I'm only messing." He tried saying but the thousands of people ignored it so he laughed looking at Jamie and shaking his head, "I'm only kidding. Pipe down now, pipe down." And since they still didn't listen, he went ahead and started singing the next song which was 'Cornerstone'.

Ella hadn't even known that they had a string section playing with them until she heard them join the guys during the second verse and she swore she had ascended.

Nothing would ever compare to hearing Alex's stunning voice, accompanied by the violins and cellos, and the crowd so wholeheartedly singing along.

Alex was enthralling standing there just talking to the masses of people and getting them to cheer loudly at him when he suggested an old monkeys song that they didn't perform often. Ella was trying to guess which one it would be when the violins started the gorgeous melody of 'Mardy Bum' and it all sounded even better when the crowd sang along.

It was mesmerizing to say the least. Ella had thought seeing them perform Outside Lands in 2011 had been insane enough, but nothing compared to this. She had never witnessed something like it before and it was leaving her breathless.

A few tears fell down her cheeks and since Bre was holding her close, resting her face against hers, she noticed. The model turned to her best friend, cooing and gave her a loud kiss on the cheek.

Ella was sad she had only caught the end of their performance but so glad to at least have caught a bit of it. She wouldn't have forgiven herself if she had missed it completely.

She watched as Alex changed her acoustic guitar for his Fender jazzmaster when the song was done, and in no time he started playing the chords to 'When The Sun Goes Down'. The crowd was so loud almost completely drowning his voice, making everyone at the balcony sing along.

Just before the song fully kicked in after the first verse, Alex stopped and encouraged the crowd to get louder and louder. It was mental to see how much control he had over them, making them scream as loud as they could with a small movement of his hand.

Finally when they continued, Ella just fully let go of any inhibitions and started dancing with Bre, jumping on her spot and singing along loudly. The girls had done the same, all of them faking playing a guitar and headbanging.

One of the girls she didn't know had wolf whistled and yelled "That's my best friend!" which had Ella instantly knowing who she was. She was glad she had just spent most of the song with her arm swung over the girl's shoulder and both had danced together like they'd known each other their whole lives.

It all got even cuter when Alex asked the crowd if they could help him sing happy birthday to his mum. Ella had melted as she and everyone sang along, Alex had a permanent grin on his face loving the energy and how perfect the night was going.

Ella watched intently as Alex welcomed Miles on stage, whooping and clapping for her friend. She had only been able to see Miles playing 505 with them on video and caught glimpses of it in the studio when the guys were playing around and strummed along for a few seconds, but she was sure this one time would be life changing.

When Alex sang "I'd probably still adore you with your hands around my neck", she felt Bre teasingly choke her which made her laugh. That made her almost miss Alex doing it to himself softly in front of the whole crowd. She had to keep herself from letting her eyes roll at that, not only because she was in public, surrounded by people but she had to not think about Alex like that.

She couldn't. They were just friends and no matter how attractive she could find him, she couldn't let herself and her thoughts wander beyond that point.

The song reached its climax and she was taken aback by the crowd's volume once again. It was nothing compared to how loud they got by the end of the song, when the lights grew intensely and lit the whole stage as the band waved them goodbye, blew them kisses and left.

Once the guys were out, that's when Ella properly turned and gave Bre the biggest hug to say hello.

"I missed you so much!" Ella had said hidden away in her neck, "Today was awful."

Bre let go to check if she was crying or not, she only found Ella's eyes pooling with tears, "I knew I should've gone with you." The model cooed and hugged her back again, "Let's go back down to their trailer and I'll introduce you to everyone."

Ella sniffled and followed Breana, who was keeping her fingers intertwined with hers as everyone walked out and back to the band's trailer.

She expected the lads to be out there already, but they told them that they had gone to be quickly interviewed at the BBC Radio area. So she took the brief moment of tranquility to properly take a moment and meet the girls officially.

Kelly was the one walking towards them so Ella was quick to meet her in the middle and give her a quick hug.

"Hi! It's so nice to finally meet you!" Ella said enthusiastically, and the bride-to-be hugged her back tightly.

They swayed a bit in their place before letting go of each other, Kelly was a little bit tipsy by then and the lads and Bre had been talking about how excited they were for Ella to get there that she was ecstatic to meet her.

"You too Ella!" Kelly agreed and then turned to see the other two ladies coming to them. Kelly waved them over for them to hurry and both of them started giggling as they quickened their pace.

When they caught up to where they stood, Ella smiled brightly at them, "Hi! I'm Ella, so nice to meet you."

She hadn't known exactly if she should hug them or shake their hands but the answer was given to her when the brunette one crushed her in a tight hug which surprised her.

"I'm so glad we can finally meet!" Ella had reciprocated the hug because she truly needed it and it's only when the girl let go that she said, "I'm Flo. Welcome to England, love."

"Oh! Alex's best friend, the artist! I've heard so much about you." Ella replied, looking at the pretty girl smiling even harder in front of her.

"I sure hope so. I've heard loads about you too, it was about time you came so I could properly meet you." Flo winked and it made her blush, she was intrigued by the amount of times Alex would mention her if his best friend had been so eager to have her here.

Ella giggled and then turned to give the blonde girl who, by process of elimination, would be Cookie's girlfriend. "You must be Katie then?"

"That's me. Hi Ella, so nice to meet you." Katie said with a sweet smile and a tender brief hug.

Ella reciprocated and held her with the same tenderness. "You too. Congratulations on the engagement, by the way. Lucky guy Cookie is."

Katie laughed and waved her off but before she could disagree on that, Flo jumped in saying, "Isn't he?"

Ella nodded, already feeling that Alex's best friend would be one she'd grow the closest with. Katie felt the need to say something about her then so he pointed at the things that they knew from the lads.

"We've seen your pictures Ella and, bloody hell, we might need to hire you for some shoots because you leave me astounded."

Ella smiled brightly at that, her cheeks tinting red as she watched them all throwing compliments around. Bre threw one of her arms around Ella's shoulders and said, "Think maybe we should just take a day away from the guys and play with the camera."

All the girls agreed on it and Ella was totally willing to do it. "I'm down if you guys are down, that'd be amazing. I came up with a few concepts on my way here, actually."

"It's settled then. Girls day will be a photoshoot day with Ella." Flo settled raising her cup in the air.

"You tell us Kelly if you want it before or after the wedding just so we don't interrupt with any plans." Ella was quick to say, remembering the big day coming up.

"Let's do it after. We have loads of time before we leave for our honeymoon."

Flo smirked at her, "Oooooo the honeymoon. Big anticipation for that Boss, make sure you're well rested beforehand. I speak from experience."

"Wait, you're married?" Ella asked in slight shock. Alex had failed to mention that big little detail.

Flo showed off her ring wiggling her eyebrows, "Very happily so." And then she turned to look around for her husband, "Where is he? Curly?!"

And as if it was magic, the lanky man with the long hair Ella had seen earlier at the balcony had popped out of nowhere with a cigarette in hand by the trailer.

"Sweetheart?" He asked and if it wasn't for the way they had kept quiet, they wouldn't have been able to hear him.

"Come here a second, say hi to Ella."

And like every one of her wishes was a command, he appeared right behind her with a smile on his face. He dropped the cigarette to the ground and stomped on it as he offered a hand out to Ella and introduced himself, "Nice to meet you, I'm Matty."

Ella gave him a kind smile, holding herself from cooing at the way he held Flo close to him. "Hi Matty, I'm Ella."

The man smirked, "Oh we know, famous Ella. You're quite the talk around here."

Breana laughed, knowing how much of Ella they had all heard and seen through the band, especially in the past week and earlier that very day.

Ella blushed at the information, "Jesus... Good talk, I hope."

Flo smirked looking at her, "Oh very good talk, especially from Alex. He's been like a broken record since he got back."

She had no idea what to say so she just blushed quietly for a few seconds until Breana pinched her waist and she jumped, "That's... good, I guess."

"Indeed it is." Katie added with a subtle smirk and a raise of eyebrows which only had Ella blushing even harder.

"Okay, yous stop it." Kelly said, finding it adorable how she reacted to everyone's teasing. "You're getting her all red, bless her."

"You know what you need?" Matty asked playfully and Ella shook her head as she lacked a response, "A drink."

"Oh yes. You're far behind." Informed Breana who had been drinking almost all day with the girls.

"What would you like?" Flo asked nicely, wanting to get her new friend going as the night had only just started.

Ella had a think about it but just shrugged when she couldn't decide on anything she particularly wanted at the moment, "Surprise me."

Flo smiled hard, "I love you already."

So Flo and Matty left to make her a drink and the other four girls stayed outside whilst they talked. It had been mostly about the wedding, Ella had managed to convince Kelly that it wasn't gonna be an issue for her to take pictures all day so Kelly allowed her to be another one of their photographers but only at the reception. Because "I don't want you feeling like you're at work during the ceremony, you're our friend.", was the reasoning she'd given her and Ella smiled at her and promised she'd only pull her camera out during the reception.

Miles had appeared then, interrupting the wedding chat to crush Ella in a tight hug, "Fucking finally! We've been waiting for you!" The scouse had made her giggle with the scoff he'd let out after that.

"Sorry, had to get a new flight and it was shit." Ella replied with a struggle from how tight he was holding her.

Miles left a wet kiss on her cheek and pulled back, "Don't apologize. You're here now."

Ella nodded with a sweet smile, letting herself indulge in Miles' side hug and starting up a conversation with him and the rest of the group.

About five minutes later, when they were trying to get information out of Breana about Kelly's bachelorette party or hen do—as the british girls called it—Matty and Flo finally came out of the band's trailer with multiple drinks in hand.

They were carefully coming down the stairs managing to grip onto two cups on each hand when behind them someone yelled, "Oi! What were those two doing alone in our trailer?" It was when they continued saying, "You nasty bastards!" that Ella recognized it was Matt walking back with the rest of the band following behind.

"Oh my god!" Ella yelled, letting go of Miles and completely missing whatever Matty had yelled back at them because she was too busy running towards them.

She had her guestlist wristband on so security didn't stop her when she jetted off to hug the first person she saw, which was the drummer.

Matt had barely even seen her when she threw herself at him, "Ellie! You're here!"

"I missed you so much, I'm so sorry I was late." She truly was sorry but he wasn't having it.

Matt held her tighter and shook his head, "No need to apologize Ellie, it's all fine. You're here!"

Before she could apologize once more, the rest of the band joined them in the hug. They all crushed Ella in between their bodies and said her name in unison which had her laughing.

By the time they'd all let go and given her space, she had shed a few tears. She turned around with a pout and hugged them one by one, apologizing again and again for being late, for which Alex had gone and hugged her again when she was done hugging everyone.

Alex held her tight and rubbed up and down her back, "I told you that all that mattered is that you'd be here darling, and you are."

"I caught the encore." She mumbled in his ear, sniffling.

He loosened his grip on her and made her look up at him, "Did you like it?"

"It was insane Al. The crowd was so loud! And the strings!" Ella fanned her face to gather herself, "I will cry just picturing how it was from the very start."

"Don't cry darling." Alex cooed, brushing some of her hair behind her ear and wiping a tear that had fallen down her cheek. "We'll catch a rerun of it on TV next week, it's okay."

She didn't have time to keep protesting because Alex started leaving kisses all over her face until she giggled. It was only when she couldn't breathe from laughter that he stopped, getting a hold of her hand and followed the lads walking back to where everyone was gathered.

When they got there though, Ella was met with someone she didn't know. Thankfully, Alex was quick to introduce them to her.

"Ella, this is Penny, my mum. Penny, this is Ella." He let go of her to let her freely hug his mum.

And that Ella did, holding Penny tighter when she'd said "Oh it's so lovely to meet you, sweetie."

"You too. Happy birthday, by the way. That was a lovely serenade you got just then."

Penny cooed, "Oh thank you. And it was, wasn't it?" She turned to her son to steal a hug from him, "Thanks to this one."

Alex relished in his mum's embrace, leaving a kiss on top of her head. "Love you mum." She saw as she was all ready to walk out, her friend waiting for her beside his manager by the entrance of the backstage area. "Are you leaving?"

"Yeah, so sorry to leave you lot but I can't be camping out anymore. I'm not fit for this lifestyle now." Penny joked, looking at everyone who was watching the interaction intently.

Ella scoffed, acting like Penny was saying just pure lies, "What are you on about? I was gonna take you out dancing to celebrate!"

Alex's mum laughed at that, gently grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. "Oh sweetie, that's a tempting offer, that."

Flo joined in Ella's antics, "We'll bring the party up north next week then Penny, get yourself ready."

"That better be a promise." She pointed at the girl she had seen grow up, and Flo blew her a kiss in response.

Alex left Ella with their friends to walk his mom back to her friend, making sure they were all set to leave. And as he went back, he couldn't believe his eyes.

He had been anxiously waiting all day for her to arrive, his heart beating a bit faster the closer it got to their set. He tried blaming it on headlining Glastonbury for a second time but he knew deep inside that really wasn't it. Yes it was making him nervous, but most of all it was because of Ella.

When he had walked on stage, he had anticipated that his thoughts would be fully taken over by the crowd and the place they were at, but he had been wrong—the thought of where Ella was, held a place in the back of his head throughout the whole set.

And when they had been taken to BBC Radio's lounge to get interviewed and saw the mirrorballs hanging from the ceiling, along with the cow print on the floor, he was taken back to Ella.

Ella, Ella, Ella.

He'd been so fucking glad to see her there as they came back. And now, walking back and seeing her laugh with his childhood best friend, it was a sight that had him grinning brightly to himself.

The group seemed to be talking very eagerly about something, and he was just beyond happy that Ella fit perfectly with them all. His smile only faltered when he was getting closer to them and Ella snapped her head in his direction with a deep frown and a gasp.

"Alex Turner, how could you keep this information from me?!" Ella asked loudly, as she had just been embarrassed for not knowing something that seemed like everyone knew.

Alex giggled, frowning back at her, "What?"

"You've never told me that your best friend's husband is in a band as well?" Matty had just said he was excited for the next day and Ella had asked what was happening, which Flo had laughed hard about when she realized Alex had failed to mention it to her.

"Oh," he cringed, "Sorry darling." He apologized to Ella first and then turned to Matty to make sure he hadn't taken offense by it, which he hadn't but just in case Alex said, "Sorry mate."

"S'alright." Matty waved off with an amused smile at Ella's bright red cheeks.

But Ella didn't agree, "Yeah, it's not for me but whatever."

Alex laughed, noting that she had a drink in hand and he guessed that would have to do a little bit with her current mood. "What are you drinking Eleanor?"

"It's called 'none of your business', isn't it Flo?" Ella asked the brunette seriously.

Flo tried to match her seriousness but her smile couldn't be held back, "That's right."

Alex took the drink from her, only to take a sip and when he did he realized what it was. "Angel, you gave her a jagerbomb? She can't handle alcohol, she's gonna be plastered by half past."

"Well, I'll blame this beautiful angel right here." Ella nodded towards his best friend, playing with the word he had just called her, and Flo did a small curtsy back at her.

Alex hadn't expected this duo to be such trouble. He feared them and Bre together would be even worse and he didn't know what to expect.

"Of course you will." Alex shook his head with a smile, and Flo winked at him. She knew him like the back of her hand, and she could just see it all written on Alex's face. He was whipped.

It had been a lovely night, slowly and with the help of the drinks, the buzz the lads had gotten from the night had gone down and by three in the morning, they were all ready to go to sleep. Especially Ella, who despite having multiple jagerbombs with Flo, had succumbed to her exhaustion from her long day traveling.

The lads had their tour bus parked somewhere in the fields, so after the group said bye to Matty and Flo who were staying with the rest of their group, they took on a long drunk walk back to the bus. It had been filled with giggles at the clumsy steps they'd take, especially Ella and Bre's who were holding onto Miles' arms and subsequently making him trip with them.

The walk back had been exhaustingly long to them all in their drunken states, so when they finally reached the massive vehicle, they jetted off up the stairs by the door and chose the first bunk they saw.

Thankfully no one had chosen their bunks yet so there wasn't any bickering about someone stealing someone else's bed but it was hilarious to Alex, who had been the last to go up, to see everyone lazily slump into the beds and groan in relief when they could finally rest their bodies.

Due to how drunk everyone was, they had passed out almost immediately and slept deep and uninterrupted all throughout the night, even through the choir of snores coming from Nick and Matt.

That was until the noise outside woke them up at around eleven and they all realized that if they didn't properly wake up soon and get ready for the day, they'd miss Matty's band.

So, like they had been shocked back alive, the girls started getting ready quickly. Ella was so thankful for the bathroom in the bus being a decent size and it hadn't been much of a burden getting ready in the enclosed space.

She was also grateful for the girls around her, who were going on and on about all that Ella was going to see and what she couldn't miss, warning her about different things around the field but making her more excited about it all by the second.

They all had a bite of food on their way to the stage The 1975 would perform on, and they got there just in time. Matty's band was due on stage in ten minutes, when the group walked up to where Matty and Flo were standing by the steps that would take them up the stage.

Ella was well aware she stood up like a sore thumb from how she was dressed, not that her black shorts and her The Doors shirt were strange but her black and silver cowboy boots were. She had earned herself quite a lot of glances as they paraded around the place, but she couldn't care less.

Matty pointed them out right away but with a compliment because he truly loved them, "Fucking love your boots Ella."

"Awh thanks Matty." She looked down at them, already muddy and dusty but she loved it, it reminded her of home.

His wife had taken the chance to tease him then, "Be careful, he might try to steal them. He's taken half my wardrobe."

Matty bit back saying, "We're married so what's yours is mine. Technically not stealing."

A very tall guy with a man bun walked behind Flo and clicked his tongue as he threw an arm around her shoulders, "He got you there baby."

"George, you're supposed to be on my side always." Flo complained, but leaned into George's touch.

"For that you've got your cousin." The tall guy argued with a smirk, which made Flo elbow him on the ribs.

Matty cackled watching George doubled over in pain and Flo took that moment to turn around and call over the two other members of the band to meet Ella.

Another very tall guy with a buzzcut came their way, along with a slightly shorter brunette, and when they stood beside her with soft smiles, Flo introduced them to Ella.

"Ella, this is George," She pointed to the tallest one who had just been hurt in the ribs, "This is Ross." She then signaled to the one with the buzzcut and finished by pointing at the brunette, "And this is my cousin, Adam."

Ella smiled at them, "Nice to meet y'all."

They all reciprocated the pleasantry with smiles of their own and they started small talk until they were called on stage.

The big Monkeys group stood on the side of the stage, watching The 1975 get cheered on as they grabbed their instruments.

As they played their first three songs, Ella made a mental note to listen to their music when she had the time because they were amazing live and they had this sound that she wasn't really used to listening but she'd just loved. They all had great stage presence, just by enjoying performing and dancing around, and it was funny to hear all the things Matty would just say in between lines.

Their little group had all cheered along with the crowd by the end of 'You' when Matty jumped on George's drumset and played the end of the song headbanging as he looked down towards George.

They all looked amazing on stage, and when the next song started and the crowd got even louder, they fed more off of their energy and somehow got even more hyper.

Ella was particularly entranced by George, seeing every single one of his facial expressions as he hit the drums had her just gawking at him.

She had leaned back a bit knowing that was the only way Flo and Bre would hear her say, "He's fucking hot." as she pointed at the drummer.

Alex's best friend laughed loudly at that, making Matt and Alex turn around to see what had happened and when she informed them of what Ella had just said, Matt joined the laughter while Alex only rolled his eyes in amusement.

"You fancy George then?" Matt asked loudly over the speakers.

"I mean look at him!" Ella had said, he truly looked amazing, "Oh, and Ross! Flo, even your cousin looks hot right now!"

"I'm glad we share opinions when it comes to George." Flo winked at her, "I'll make sure to relay the message."

Ella blushed just thinking about it and shook her head, mortified, "Oh god, no, don't."

"But you need a rebound!" Matt fought and Bre nodded intently.

"No, that'd be so messy!" Ella shook her head just thinking about how she wouldn't be able to act normal if she actually made a move on one of Flo's friends.

"That'd be messy alright. The nice kind of messy." Flo said and that just made Ella double over in laughter.

They kept listening to the rest of the song after that, and Ella was sure she'd have the chorus stuck in her head forever. 'Chocolate' was a hit, no wonder it had been their breakthrough.

She pouted when Matty said the next one will be their last, leaving her to wish to see a longer set of theirs in the future.

The strong riff of the guitar had her already hooked but it was the lyrics to it that made her slowly become obsessed with it.

When Matty turned around to point at Flo as he sang "She's got a boyfriend anyway", Ella gasped realizing this was about her. She screeched then when Matty turned back around to face the crowd and the lyrics got more interesting.

She couldn't help but become entranced by how proud Flo looked of Matty, it was so sweet to see the way she wholeheartedly sang along, her smile never leaving her face.

The end of the song was just heavy and perfect, made it erratic and Ella was absolutely loving it. Especially when the last line Matty sang was changed to "You've got a husband anyway" as he pointed at himself while looking straight at his wife.

Flo blew him a kiss and Matty turned around to play the outro of the song with all the energy he had, it was captivating. Ella was taken aback when it hit her that she was now friends with all these incredible musicians, it was truly a dream that had her pinching herself.

When the guys came off stage, it was pure adrenaline they were running on. Matty didn't take a second to kiss his wife earnestly, and Ella could almost cry from how adorable they were.

The rest of the day had been spent with them all running around the festival, sharing drinks as they tried to catch up to artists in different stages, bumping into friends like Zackery who had taken a few pictures of them—and introduced the band to a group of artists who had designed and hand painted a leather jacket for them at their request for a song in the upcoming album.

Ella had been loving how different yet similar the festival was when comparing it to Bonnaroo. The messy muddy fields, the loud chatter and laughter, the smell of good food in the air mixed with the good weed. She was on cloud nine and she didn't want to leave.

That night they watched The Rolling Stones and it had been absolutely insane seeing Mick Jagger on stage. She was sure she'd lose her voice from how loud she screamed when Mick Taylor was invited on stage and when they performed '2000 Light Years From Home'. She was sure she'd never be able to listen to The Rolling Stones the same ever again.

Sunday hadn't been any different. They had enjoyed every bit of the festival like it was the last they'd ever attend.

Ella had been so grateful to have experienced all of it, and she had made sure to tell Alex that multiple times. The group was so glad they had the massive bus to drive them back home and they needn't worry about a thing through the whole drive but be completely comfortable and enjoy the peace after the bustling weekend. It had ended up being almost three hours due to the traffic, but that had allowed them to rest longer so they didn't complain.

She'd asked to be dropped off at the hotel she was staying at and Alex had offered to go with her and then walk home as she wasn't staying too far away from his flat, but she declined because she knew he was exhausted and so was she so she walked in alone at four in the morning to check in.

It was amazing that it hadn't been a struggle to get checked in, she had been expecting something going wrong with that too after all that had happened at the airports when she was on her way there but it hadn't been, so with her keys in hand she made her merry way up to the fifth floor and to her room.

The little energy Ella had left in her was put into taking a shower, brushing her teeth and just plopping onto bed. The weekend had felt longer than just three days, it felt like it had already been a week since she'd had to run around Montreal's airport like a madwoman looking for a new ticket.

She sighed happily as she snuggled into the plush pillows in the dark, her eyes closed but behind her eyelids was the whole weekend playing like a film and she found herself filling up with warmth. She couldn't wait to see what else this trip would have in store for her, she only hoped it was all good.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The greatness of the London Eye had Ella trying to gather herself in search of words. She had been struggling to truly believe where she was since she woke up to a view she wasn't used to, gloomy and no sun out, the sky teasing a rainfall later, a little chilly when she went out the balcony for a smoke and the bustling of a city she was yet to get to know.

Alex had called her—thankfully they had figured out the whole cell roaming situation during the weekend so she wasn't uncommunicated and alone—, telling her to get ready as he was coming to get her and they'd be walking around London so she could get her proper touristy stroll around the city.

She had personally asked him for one at Glastonbury, when they were eating as they walked between stages, and he had gladly agreed to it. He wanted to be the one to witness her reactions to one of the cities he held so close to his heart.

Ella's steps slowed as they got closer to the attraction, people already in a long line at eleven in the morning.

"Holy fuck, it's huge." She gasped, staring all around the giant metal structure.

Alex just watched her mesmerized expression with a smile, "D'you wanna get on it?"

"Erm, not really. But I might as well have to, right?" She was looking at the very top of it which was barely in her line of sight but she would have to bear it because why would she come all the way there to not get on it.

"Flying all the way here to not get on it would be regrettable." He said honestly, it looked scary but it was a great experience, one that he didn't want her to miss.

Ella sighed, her brows a little furrowed as she gathered some courage, "Alright let's go."

They quietly walked to the end of the line, which had resumed moving slowly, and Ella felt her heart racing in her chest. Not only because of how she was shitting it thinking about how high she'd be once inside but from the memories coming aggressively to the forefront of her mind.

Valentine's day, Belmont Park. With Alex beside her, just like at that very moment.

She smiled to herself, the thought of that day no longer bitter by any grudges she was holding. So she thought mentioning it might distract her and keep her from shaking. "At least it's a shorter wait than the one we did at Belmont Park, remember?"

Alex gave her a sweet smile, really enjoying the opportunity to think back to that day but he also wanted to take the moment to tease her as she was fidgeting in her place. "Still afraid of heights, darling?"

"Yes but don't remind me, or I'll make you take me to the next place to not get on." Ella smiled slightly embarrassed, her cheeks tinting a faint pink.

"You silly thing." Alex laughed breathlessly, reaching out to grab her wrist and pull her into his side to hug her, "Just think about all the stunning pictures you're gonna be able to take."

She melted into him, looking up and grinned brightly at him, "You just always know how to get me on your side, don't you?" It really did seem like it to her, how fast he could make her twist her arm into stepping out of her comfort zone so she'd enjoy herself.

He just stared down at her adoringly, counting every freckle on her cheeks and admiring how the makeup she had on just accentuated every little thing on her face. So he said sincerely, "I'm glad I do." because he was truly grateful he could.

About ten minutes passed, silence between them was comfortable but sometimes broken by small talk about random things they'd remember or things she was hoping to see and the possibilities of places they could visit.

They had stayed holding each other the whole time: Alex's arm around her shoulders, his fingers clutching her tightly, and Ella's arm around his waist, her thumb rubbing little circles over the fabric of his shirt.

That was until she had remembered about Alex and who he was and she had started overthinking and noticing more and more the glances the people in line were giving them, so she gently pushed herself away from him and he had to slowly let his arm drop from its place around her.

Alex gave her a questioning look and Ella recoiled into herself as she gave him an answer, "I just keep thinking people are looking at us– well, you. And I don't wanna get you in trouble."

"What do you mean?" The singer frowned, not really understanding in which way she'd do that.

"Well, I just feel like they keep glancing over here and I don't want you to get swarmed for being recognized." Her voice was small as she explained, scared of sounding stupid but in her head, it made sense.

He chuckled softly, brushing off his status. "Darling, I'm not that big of a deal."

But Ella wouldn't let him try to downplay it, "Sure you aren't Mr. Rockstar." She rolled her eyes with amusement, "This is your home country, and you're massive here."

Alex just shook his head to have her let go of her worries, "Not gonna get swarmed, darling." And then he further explained, "You know most—if not all—known people that do, is because they get their agents to put out their locations for paparazzi and media's attention right?"

"Oh?" Ella blushed, feeling oh so stupid, "Do they really?"

"Yeah, and it's bullshit. You'll never find me doing that so don't worry. We're safe." He assured, tucking her into his side once more and he smiled when he felt her arm snaking around his middle once again.

"It's just because you love the mysterious act, though, isn't it? Maintains the appeal." She pinched his waist to accentuate the teasing, making him laugh.

"Dickhead."

They laughed together then, falling back into a comfortable silence, just relishing in the warmth they got from each other. It wasn't awfully cold but it was chilly and it was how used she'd gotten to Californian weather that had her performing worse in weather that she used to be able to bear when she lived in Tennessee.

Alex kept her warm and cozy so Ella found herself really snuggling into him and he accepted it with a smirk on his face. Moments like this was all he wanted.

The minutes passed and Ella couldn't help but be hypnotized by the whole scene, especially when they moved further and further up the line until they ended up in a corner where they had the perfect backdrop of the Thames and the city of London.

He felt her get away from his hold again but when she saw her reaching down to grab the camera hanging from around her neck, he breathed calmly.

"Stay there, I wanna take a picture." She instructed, seeing that his position was perfect for a picture.

"Here?" Alex asked, not sure if she really wanted a picture of him right there and then.

But Ella showed him the prettiest smile and said, "Yep, just like that." and Alex couldn't say no, not that he'd really ever tell her no. "Smile for me, sweets." The pet name rolled off her tongue so easily when seeing him standing like that in front of her.

"Sweets?" A massive grin broke out on his face hearing her call him that, his insides melting at the simple word.

Ella pressed the shutter instantly, exhaling in relief at having caught that face in time. "Perfect."

"Sweets?" Alex asked again just to check he hadn't imagined that.

"Yeah..." She timidly confirmed, rolling the film and tucking the lever back in its place to turn off the camera and let it softly drop back over her chest.

He watched her take small steps towards him again and accepted her back in his arms with a "M'kay darling."

Ella poked his ribs making him jump before asking "You don't like it?"

Alex was quick to retort, "Who said that?"

"I don't know–" She tried to start but he was quick to dismiss the whole thing.

"I love it." He backtracked quickly and firmly with an honest smile on his face that had her biting her tongue and fighting back a smile just as big as his.

In no time, the line moved sporadically and it was sooner than expected that they were boarded into a capsule with a family of five.

Ella stepped inside with wobbly steps and Alex followed closely behind. "Oh my god..." Her words were breathless as she was taken aback by the view around her.

"That line was quicker than I expected." The singer thought out loud as he got beside her, both of them standing close to the windows.

But when she heard the glass doors closing and felt the capsule moving to the right, she took a big step back and reached back to hold his hand. "Al, you're gonna have to stay near me because this is freaking me out."

He squeezed her hand in his and giggled, "I'll stay right here."

"Okay..." Ella mumbled unsure but soon her whole attention was taken by how perfectly she could see it all in front of her. "This is so beautiful."

Alex could feel her hands growing sweaty and starting to shake so he took it upon himself to distract her. "You can see it all from here. Look," He pointed to their left, "That's Westminster bridge, the Big Ben, Westminster Abbey and Parliament." He listed as his finger pointed at each of the landmarks, making sure she was correctly watching each as he talked, "We can see it a bit better now that it's going up, oh and there's Buckingham Palace as well."

It looked so small from there but it was still breathtaking, "Oh wow..." Her heart was swelling in her chest now, just from being able to experience this, "We can see the whole city, Al!" She whispered with such excitement that made Alex want to coo at her.

"It's quite the view, isn't it." He took the smallest step towards her until he was pressed softly against her back and he leaned in to watch her face.

She turned to him completely mesmerized, "I think New York has got some big competition in my book now."

"A tough one between them two." He agreed, resting his chin on her shoulder for a second before standing back up straight again and pointing to their right now, "Oh look, over there is St. Paul's Cathedral. We're going there later 'cause I know you'll love it. And way back over there is the Tower of London and Tower Bridge."

Her eyes swam around the panoramic view and it was all well until she made the mistake of looking down to her feet and her heart sank. With her eyes closed, her panicked words came out incredibly fast, "I'm loving this view but I just accidentally looked down and I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack."

"You're okay darling, I'm here." Alex promised, taking his hand that was still intertwined with hers and wrapping that arm around her waist, "Just take your pictures, I won't move an inch."

She gulped and let her eyes open up again, feeling slightly better in his hold and slowly untangled her fingers from his to lift her camera, "Okay."

It certainly worked like magic. The second she started looking at the city through that viewfinder, it was like she had completely forgotten she was hundreds of feet above the ground in a spinning wheel, completely focused on capturing the panorama as best as she could.

Alex watched intently as she worked, noticing the little things she did like biting her lip as her finger hovered and seemed to hesitate for a few seconds over the shutter until she caught the perfect moment and it was just a triumphant smile as she turned the lever and then the cycle began again.

Ella counted the shots in her head and only stopped when she had only twelve frames left in the roll.

Letting her head fall on Alex's shoulder, she had to ask, "How long does this take again?" Only because she had felt like she'd lost track of time.

"Half an hour but it's already been fifteen minutes so we're halfway there." His fingers rubbed circles on her waist, sometimes the pads of his fingertips managing to get under her shirt and erupting goosebumps on her skin.

She felt like she was burning up so she let her camera drop back down on her chest and turned around to face him. "I'm just gonna stare at you now because if I look out I'm definitely gonna freak out." She giggled a bit, trying to trick herself into thinking that looking at Alex wouldn't have her chest tighten just as much.

"That's fine by me." He replied with a smirk.

But she didn't entertain his teasing, only giving him a sincere, "Thank you." in return.

His face fell into a sweet smile, "Nothing to thank me for, darling. I'm buzzing to have you here right now." He wasn't afraid to admit it at all, because he truly was beyond happy about the whole situation.

"See? Sweetness!" She softly exclaimed, bringing one of her hands up to cup his cheek but before Alex could get his hopes up on anything happening, she squished his cheeks with her hand, "You're just pure sweetness."

Ella felt his face go warm under her touch so with a giggle she let her hand fall back down. "Your hair looks great today." He looked great. In a pair of blue jeans, a white shirt and his brown leather jacket—he had changed the Chelsea boots for white high top converse and a pair of sunglasses had been tucked into one of the pockets of his jacket.

"You like it?" Alex asked innocently like the simple compliment hadn't made his heart rate stutter.

She nodded, "You know I do. It always looks amazing but whenever it's just like this, without gel..." Her fingers combed through the freshly cut greaser looking hairstyle, "It's so soft."

He nudged her hand with his nose softly and joked, "Are you messing it up?"

She chuckled, combing through it again and again to give it its perfect shape, "I'm fixing a few strands here." She used both her hands then to bring a few of the strands to fall on his forehead like she loved. "There you go."

He raised an eyebrow at her, "Look good?"

Ella's answer was quick, "Beautiful." And she didn't waste a beat to ask, "Can I have another picture?"

"Of me?" Alex asked naively and she just hummed, so he shrugged and nodded, "I suppose."

"I wanna have one of this very moment. With you, my favorite tourist guide." She joked in the end to make it seem less like she was baring her heart out to him.

"Right." He chuckled, his eyes crinkling around the edges slightly.

But she wanted more, she wanted to see his grin fully reach his eyes. "C'mon sweets, show me that gorgeous smile."

Her teasing worked because he felt his cheeks warming again and he had to keep himself from averting his gaze from hers, "Stop." He only said, half a warning but mostly a plea for mercy on his heart.

"What?" Ella inquired like she had nothing to do with it, if she only knew all that she did to him. "Amazing, t'was perfect." She complimented once more.

Alex had to change the topic then because he felt like he could combust any second, "Are you taking them in black and white?"

She had mentioned it earlier when he'd called her, as she was debating whether or not it'd look better. "Decided against it last minute. I don't know, there's something about the atmosphere today that I just wanted to capture the closest to reality I could."

He hummed, understanding what she meant, "You can always take the black and white ones later, you're staying three weeks after all."

Ella smiled brightly at the reminder, that many days just sounded so promising and she couldn't ignore how this was one of the very few times she felt ecstatic thinking about the uncertainty of what the future had to hold.

"So glad I am. It's barely been three days and I already know this is one of the best trips of my life."

"It's only just getting started darling." Alex winked, making a giggle bubble up her throat again and what a lovely sound that was.

Just like that, they had done the full ride and they hadn't realized it was done until they heard the doors open back up, way too entranced in their own little bubble. It was lucky that the rest of the people inside their capsule were on holiday and no one from the family had interest in finding out who they were or interrupting what they were doing.

When they walked out, Alex let out a loud laugh when Ella thanked God for firm soil multiple times, said so devotedly like she wasn't a determined atheist.

From there, they walked through Westminster Bridge to get to Big Ben. Ella had gasped as their feet took them across the bridge and asked Alex to pinch her because she felt like she was dreaming.

She couldn't believe her eyes were actually seeing all of that for themselves in real life and not through stock pictures on Google.

Seeing her glowing from her excitement had Alex's heart breaking as he had to give her some bad news. "This actually has me fuming now because this is just one of those things everyone wants to see once in their life but, a few years back they closed all Big Ben and Parliament tours to people who aren't UK citizens or residents so unfortunately I won't be able to take you inside for a tour."

Ella clearly deflated but it was in an instant that she really turned the situation around in her head. She shook her head standing in her place, making Alex stop beside her on the sidewalk, and she pointed at the landmark right in front of them, "But I'm seeing it right now and that's what counts, Al. It's okay."

Alex hummed reluctantly, still disappointed at not being able to give her the best experience. "We can walk around it, I'm half sure there's some places you can manage to take a peek inside."

She giggled and grabbed his hand, fingers intertwining as she went ahead and dragged him behind her to finish their walk through the bridge. Alex didn't say a word, his smile permanently stuck on his face as he watched her walk enthusiastically in front of him.

She had changed her roll of film right when they got to the street across the monumental place. Alex chuckled as she made him help her by covering her device with his jacket so that her first roll didn't mess up as she put it away, and the new one didn't either as she locked it and rolled it inside before placing the lid back in its place.

They resumed their walk, Alex closely walking next to her with a hand hovering on her lower back as she kept her hands engulfed around her camera but he felt the need to keep his touch on her.

Ella had taken so many pictures already, and about fifteen minutes later she had grown worried she hadn't stuffed enough rolls in her bag before leaving her hotel room. Half the frames she had captured had been of him, either smiling at the camera or unaware as he walked beside her with a burning cigarette resting between his lips.

There was a particular one in which she had stopped without saying a word and he had kept walking a few paces before noticing she wasn't beside him anymore, and when he turned around to search for her, the shutter went off.

Her heart kicked in her chest at the memory of that one picture she had taken of him, back at the start of 2012 when the lads had just come back over to Los Angeles and she had taken them around the city, the one where he was looking back at her with the rest of the band walking in front of him.

Her throat ran a little dry as she placed her camera back down to rest on her chest and watched Alex walk back towards her.

"You've been taking so many pictures of me already, let me take yours." His voice sounded almost like a beg and her knees went a little weak.

Only because of the way he'd said that had made her feel, Ella sighed with a smile and pulled her camera back up, "Alright, I'll show you how to."

She showed him the basics around her in a simple manner and he seemed to catch it all quite quickly. After all, he had seen Matt taking pictures and had gotten ahold of the drummer's cameras throughout the years so it all came back to him when Ella had done her brief run down.

Alex listened to her instructions of having him take a few pictures of their surroundings just so he could get comfortable, and it only took two to have him nodding and reassuring he was ready to take her picture. Ella nodded with a shy smile and took two steps back to stand in front of the camera.

Truth be told, Ella had always preferred being behind the camera and not in front of the lens but it was just because she never thought she was interesting enough to be the constant subject of pictures.

Alex couldn't think of her more differently. Seeing her with a bright smile that had her eyes closing, her hands intertwined in front of her as she softly leaned her head to the side and her hair so perfectly falling over her shoulders had him thinking about how if she looked this breathtaking in front of the camera in such a normal setting, then she needed to be in front of it at all times.

That's why right after the shutter sound went off and she relaxed again, he rolled the film and took another picture without warning her.

That made her shriek and hide behind her hands, "Alex no! It's gonna look so bad!" Ella's words were muffled as her hands covered her face.

"I'm looking through the viewfinder and you look stunning, darling." He was quick to reassure her, "Now could you please drop your hands? I want to take another one." His skilled fingers rolled the film once more as he tried his best to convince her with his eyes.

That unfair look in his eyes made it so impossible to resist anything he could ever suggest. "Last one?" She made sure to ask him before giving in.

"Fine, last one." He agreed with a sigh, his stomach doing somersaults at having gotten away with it.

She slowly let her hands fall back by her sides and it wasn't until he said, "That's it. Beautiful, darling." that he took the picture as her face broke in another massive grin that made his heart skip a beat.

Ella ignored the way her tummy was fluttering as she reached out for her camera, "Alright sweets, that's enough." She wasted no time to push the lever back in its place and hook the camera strap around her neck again, the camera falling to rest on top of her chest.

"Only for now." He countered smoothly, making her scoff out a laugh.

After that they continued walking, leaving Big Ben and Parliament behind to make way to Westminster Abbey.

The massive church was breathtaking. Its structure was gothic architecture perfection inside and out, which accompanied by the stunning gardens and sculptures just made Ella be more in awe.

The gray sky tied everything together, the birds flying around and resting in the old walls and peaks, the tinted windows looking straight out of a painting.

Ella spent a full roll there, small gasps leaving her mouth every corner they turned. She had even been so entranced by the devotees kneeling on the seats and offering their prayers, unbothered by the rest of the people walking around them. Religion was a concept that fascinated her because of how much she just didn't get it like those people praying did.

Once out of that place, they walked to Buckingham Palace and it was a funny stroll since Ella couldn't stop bouncing on her feet like a little girl, asking loads of questions she could come up with about the Royal Family.

"You know," She started with a small smirk on her face, "Prince Harry is fit."

Alex cackled at the way she said it, listening to her try and incorporate British slang in her vocabulary had been endearing all weekend and he was glad she wasn't stopping it. "Oh really?"

Ella hummed eagerly, "I wonder if he'd give an American a chance."

"So you're aiming for the Royals now?" The singer inquired rhetorically with a cheeky smile.

She shrugged, smirking back at him, "Why not?"

Alex chuckled, "That's ambitious."

"Well I like to think of myself as an ambitious person."

With a nudge to her hip, he grabbed a hold of her hand so they could walk a little faster, "Alright Miss Ambitious, we're almost at your lover's place."

From afar Ella could see the palace behind the trees and she thought about the different instances a person could be allowed into the place. "I'm sure we could get in if you just said you're from the biggest British band in history."

"The Beatles are way older than me and half of them are dead so I don't think they'll believe me."

Ella snorted at how nonchalantly he'd just said that and turned her head to look at him as they kept on walking, "Oh you're being humble now."

Alex scoffed playfully, like her words had offended him, "When am I not?"

"I can list some instances." She shrugged again with a teasing smirk on her face.

His eyes narrowed at her as if challenging her to start talking, "Enlighten me then."

But all Alex was met with was silence as they finally got to the big black and gold arches and crossing the road from there was the monumental place standing there in all its glory. The Victoria Memorial was even bigger and more spectacular than she'd seen in pictures, the gold against the gloomy sky and the greenery around was leaving her breathless.

So Ella dropped Alex's hand and started snapping away, frame after frame until they walked closer to the gates of Buckingham Palace and she caught a glimpse of the beefeaters standing there like they were frozen in time and just that got her even more excited about it all.

"They look like little dolls! Oh my god, look at them!" She waved them hello so enthusiastically making Alex hold giggles back and when the guards just stood there without moving a single inch, she turned back to pout at Alex.

The shaking of his head and the "You're so painfully American," he gave her contrasted immensely against his growing smile.

"Hey!" Ella gasped and poked him in the ribs, "Don't call me out like that, I was blending in perfectly well." She joked but she was well aware she hadn't been.

"Yeah, sorry. You were, darling." Alex corrected, faking agreeing with her, "Everyone's a tourist here, so yes you were blending in perfectly well." He changed his words to tease her further and the way her jaw dropped a bit and she frowned at him made him laugh.

They were there for about twenty minutes, walking slowly and taking their time so Ella could capture the moment the best she could. She had taken a few of Alex when he wasn't noticing but at the third one she'd gotten caught, meaning she got pictures taken of her by Alex.

As they waited for some people to move around so they could get a better view from a different angle, they were playing a game that had started with Ella making funny guesses about members of the Royal Family and their hobbies, which had earned her multiple laughs from Alex as she really had no clue about anything to do with the Royals.

Eventually, when the place started getting more crowded, they decided to move onto the next place which Alex had said would be Piccadilly Circus so they could get some lunch and then continue on.

Trafalgar Square had been captured in multiple of her frames and she had finished her film roll as they walked up to the restaurant they were going to eat at. Once again Alex had helped her change her roll covering her camera with his jacket, giggling as she struggled to properly roll it as she couldn't see well what she was doing in the darkness they were making for the film to not get fucked.

Once Ella had managed to set everything up, Alex had asked her if he could have the camera for a bit and of course she said yes. The prospect of getting Alex into one of her passions had her smiling as he took pictures of a place he already knew so well and since she knew he was capturing the views for her, she took her own time to take everything in: the streets, the people, the chatter going on around her, the restlessness of the city, the smell of smoke and coffee every time they walked past a coffee shop, the memories in the making around her that she'd never get to know.

She loved it all.

Ella was so entranced by the scene and completely caught up by her thoughts that she'd missed the multiple times Alex had managed to sneak a picture of her. Only really catching him smiling proudly at her as he lowered the camera from his eyes when she had turned to point at a girl who was wearing an Arctic Monkeys shirt as she smoked outside a restaurant.

Alex chuckled, letting the camera hang around his neck and getting a hold of Ella's hand to then keep walking to the place that was not very far away from where they were then.

When they got there, Ella had been surprised by the fact that Alex had gotten a reservation for them and he had almost perfectly timed it all. They only showed up ten minutes early to their table and it wasn't a fuzz for them to wait.

He offered her a cigarette and, between chatter, they waited for their turn to come up. It had been relatively easy as they finally talked about the adventure it had been for Ella to fly over and it had ended with them hugging as Ella got a bit upset again over not being able to see their full set.

With a promise to find out when they'd be replaying their set on BBC, they went back to get seated as it finally had turned into the time they had the reservation for.

They didn't rush through their meal, enjoying every minute they could get in the lovely restaurant and talking about absolutely anything that came to their minds. And after a pouty Ella—since he hadn't let her pay for the meal—had let Alex take a picture of her with the English streets in the background, they had left the place to resume their stroll.

Their pace was slower then, Alex had suggested taking a cab to get to the next place so she didn't have to walk that much but Ella declined it saying it was alright plus she loved how they could just simply walk places around the city unlike in Los Angeles. It was only when they got to Covent Garden and walked past the underground station that she asked why they hadn't used it yet.

"This one has 193 steps to go up and down it. I was being kind not taking you through it to get here but we can take it to get to St. Paul's if you'd like."

Ella had gasped at the information, because who the fuck in their right minds would make a station have that many stairs. "193?!" She asked again and Alex nodded amused at her disbelief, "Why?"

He chuckled and shrugged, "Been asking the same question for far too many years."

"That's insane." She said under her breath as they continued walking, then remembering his suggestion, "And no, let's not do that. Can we take the bus? I've yet to get on one and I really want to be the cliché American being amazed on every type of your public transportation."

Alex's laughter reached her ears, making her grin brightly at him. "Of course we can." He assured her and Ella scrunched her nose at him for being adorable, but then he continued, "And you're being the best cliché American. Really off the charts performance, darling." making her roll her eyes in amusement.

Between teasing comments, giggles and playful nudges, it didn't take them long to get to the Apple Market and there Ella was instantly blown away by the amount of shops and market-type kiosks of trinkets, hand-made jewelry, souvenirs and art.

They took their time walking around, really ignoring the retail shops because Ella was far more interested in taking her time to look around the little stands in the middle of the place, and it was all so beautiful.

The variety of goods that were offered out for everyone was amazing, and she gasped when they made it to a stand that was offering analog cameras, leather and handmade camera straps, camera cases and lenses.

She had thought about getting one of the few medium format cameras that were there but decided against it after a good few minutes of internal debate. Alex had watched her amused the whole time and giggled when she went from staring between a Halina, a Rolleiflex and a Pentax to getting one of the leather camera cases along with a strap and bought it.

It was bad how indecisive she was because she had spent so much time in the first few shops that she felt the need to rush through her indecision which ended in her buying at least one thing from every shop she had purposely stopped by.

There was a little red bus in her bag, along with a few magnets, her new camera case and strap, a locket, a few pins, a set of coasters and the last kiosk they were looking at was full of rings, necklaces and more handmade jewelry.

Ella easily fell into conversation with the lovely old man who was the owner of the little store. She had complimented him after he told her it was him who made every piece by hand, and she took her time to look intently through it all.

A few minutes passed of her taking a closer look at the different accessories but since she couldn't make a proper choice, she turned to Alex for help.

With her lips pressed she grabbed his wrist to pull him closer and in a bit of panic, she looked up to him and asked, "Could you choose for me please?"

Alex bit his bottom lip not to chuckle at the soft frown on her face and nodded, "Anything in particular, darling?"

Ella looked back at the table, giving it a quick sweep and she found her attention mostly on the hand jewelry. "Maybe a ring?" She tried saying but it sounded more like a question, "They're all stunning." She added then in a quiet whine like it hurt her that everything was too pretty and she couldn't choose.

The singer hummed and stepped closer to the table under the gaze of the old man who had a small smile on his face seeing them two together. Alex took less than a minute, his decision being made when he found one which had a pretty green stone in the middle of the gold band of the ring. "This one." He grabbed it and it seemed to be just the right size, so grabbing her right hand in his, he slipped it on her ring finger. The sight of her Pure Desire tattoo sparking too many thoughts in his mind that he had to push aside.

Ella was breathless seeing him putting the ring on her but she fully felt like she had forgotten how to breathe when he added, "Matches your eyes." with the sweetest smile.

Her eyes didn't move from his for a few seconds that felt eternal to them, dropping to the ring and then back up at Alex to ask, "Does it?"

"Yes," He nodded, completely satisfied with his choice, "Stunning." He complimented, but he wasn't speaking about the piece of jewelry because his gaze was firm on Ella's gorgeous eyes.

She scrunched her nose at him, he was just too cute for her to handle so with rosy cheeks she turned back to the man in charge of the kiosk and deemed that being the last purchase of the day. The lovely man was smiling brightly at them and agreed with Alex when he noticed Ella's hazel green eyes.

Alex had puffed his chest out in pride of it, saying a smug "I know" to the old man and making Ella laugh as she paid. He practically had the color of her eyes permanently imprinted in his mind, he didn't ever have to think hard to remember them and how it felt to get lost in her eyes.

She left the old man with a long hug and Alex gave him a hand shake before the two moved onto the next stop which would be St. Paul's Cathedral. And just like Alex had promised her they would do, they took a bus to the church.

It had been hilarious capturing her smile with her camera as one of the red busses approached them and he had been hearing and seeing her little giddy noises and how she just couldn't really stay still in her seat.

The cathedral had been breathtaking and, again, Ella had snapped away multiple pictures as they walked around. She had been fairly wary of the lots of people worshiping their religious figures then so she tried not to take too many so the shutter going off wouldn't interrupt them.

When they left to go to the next place, they ticked off another thing off Ella's list as they rode the underground to go over to the Tower of London. The only thing she had been overly excited about was the way the stations looked because then being in the tube felt just like taking the train in New York, only cleaner.

Alex had managed to get a picture of her standing there waiting for their train to arrive, and he hoped the frame had captured the big grin that tugged at the corner of her lips making her eyes crinkle at the edges before she had hid her face behind her hands.

The Tower of London had been quite informative, at first she had walked in completely amazed by the structure and architecture of the castle so she was taking picture after picture of the inside and the greenery of the courtyards but then they started walking into the exhibitions and she had forgotten about her camera to read the signs around the rooms.

Going to see the crown jewels had been hilarious to Alex since Ella had been trying so hard to keep her cool as there were beefeaters guarding the exhibition. The White Tower had been rather concerning because of the torture chamber that was located there, and the Green Tower had been as well as it was where the execution memorial was held. And the last bit of the place they had visited was the Bloody Tower which had left Ella gasping as they found it was named that because of the murders of two princes which had been suspected to be done by their own uncle.

They talked about everything they had seen as they slowly walked out of the place and under the Tower Bridge, it was getting late and the sun seemed to be getting ready to set already. She yawned and hid it under her right hand, Alex getting a hold of her left hand and intertwining their fingers so she would walk with him at his pace.

"Where are we going?" Ella asked intrigued, they weren't going very fast but it was like he had the intent of getting somewhere on time.

"Just a bit further down here." He pointed forward with a tilt of his chin and continued walking.

Ella had no other option than to walk along him, and it had been the best day strolling around the city with him so there wasn't a bit in her that wanted to complain about a single thing.

They walked past a Starbucks and to her right she saw a little stand that sold boat tickets. They were walking right by the Thames after all so it wasn't rare to see all the people that were walking ahead of her and stopping by the railing along the short brick column.

As they walked closer to the people gathering for the view of the bridge, Ella finally saw the sculpture that stood there in a fountain and she let out a little gasp of awe.

"That's so cute! I'm gonna take a picture." She squeezed Alex's hand before slowly letting go of it and quickly turning on her camera and getting as close as she could between the people gathered there to get a good frame of the sculpture with the view of the bridge and the city behind it.

She snapped a pair and went back to Alex, excusing herself as she made her way through the people in the way.

"Are we not staying here?" She inquired when Alex grabbed her hand again and pulled her along with him, seeing as everyone seemed to stand next to the fountain to watch the sun go down.

Alex shook his head, "There's a few benches over there and way less people, so we can sit and watch the sunset quietly and alone."

Ella intertwined their fingers properly again with a grin and let him guide her to where he was referring to. It wasn't longer than another minute when they saw a lonely bench by a tree which had the perfect view of the bridge without it being spoiled by the people standing at the railing.

They sat down and sighed in relief, their backs and their feet aching after the long day, yet their smiles were stuck on their faces as they moved closer to each other and Ella let her head fall on his shoulder.

Alex left a kiss on her head before resting his head over hers, making Ella snuggle closer to him and inhaling deep in comfort.

"Thank you." Her voice was low and soft, with the echoes of the people chattering around them, he almost missed it.

His head turned slightly to be able to glance down at her, "What for?"

Ella kept her gaze on the city, being slowly bathed in orange and pink hues as the sun fell to bed down the horizon. "For today. It was lovely and you're the best tourist guide ever."

The last bit held such playfulness that earned her a snort from him, "I'm glad you liked it, darling." And Alex truly meant it, closing his eyes and relishing in the feeling of having her close to him.

"Absolutely loved it, sweetness." Her hand went to grab his—they had let go when they got comfortable on the bench—, intertwining their fingers and rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb. "You know if the rockstar gig doesn't work you can just take people around the city and make them pay you for your charm." He felt her move her head a bit and when he looked down at her, she had her eyes set on his face with a smirk tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Alex lifted his head to match her smirk and played along, "Charming am I?"

"You know you are." Ella rolled her eyes as if it annoyed her telling him the truth so she added, "Don't let it get to your head, it's already too big as it is."

The singer scoffed, straightening his back so he put a small distance between them, "Oh wow, thanks."

The American girl let out a small "Nooo," and hooked her arm through his to bring him back into her side. "I'm joking, I'm joking."

He hummed doubtfully but let her pull him closer. "You better be because you've got a bigger head than mine." He quipped back at her, making her gasp.

It was her turn to put some distance between them as she pulled herself off him with an offended frown, "Excuse me?"

But Alex looked at her completely disregarding her expression and teased her by saying, "Mhm, you're excused."

Ella gasped, "You're such a little shit." and poked him in the ribs, cackling when he jumped and let out a little yelp. She was so glad she got him back beside her after a whole month, "I missed you so much."

"Missed you more darling." He reciprocated, snaking his arm around her waist to pull her into his side. "We should go watch a film soon, I know it won't be the same but we haven't gone to the cinema together in far too long and I miss going to Los Feliz with you."

A bright grin broke out on her face, thinking back to the times they had been able to go to Los Feliz together. "Isn't it amazing? I'm so glad I got you obsessed with it too."

And without really thinking it through, Alex admitted something that had been making rounds in his mind for a while, "Making me consider moving to LA, you."

She rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head looking at the view in front of them, "Yeah sure."

But, staring right at her and pinching her side so she'd look at him, he promised, "Swear down."

Narrowing her eyes at him, she chatted back, "Don't believe you, Turner."

His right hand came to clutch his chest like her lack of trust hurt his heart, "Rude. I thought you loved me and I was your best friend."

Her gaze stayed on his, unwavering and trying to gather her thoughts so she could answer but the only thing she came down to say was, "Touché."

She scooted back close to his side and rested her head on his shoulder, his fingers that were holding her waist had started rubbing circles on it over the fabric of her shirt. Ella was glad she had been able to control the shivers his touch gave her and took a deep breath as they watched the gorgeous sights in front of them.

The sky was turning lilac then and the dying sun was painting the cloud a beautiful pink and orange. It was breathtaking seeing the city coated by the colors, it was truly out of a painting and it somehow got even more beautiful as the minutes went by, the shades growing more intense and the urge of capturing it bubbled in her chest.

"This is stunning." Her words were breathless as she turned on her camera, trying to remember if it was four or five frames she had left in her current roll but only shooting three just to not mess up any of her previous pictures on the roll.

Alex watched her focusing as she watched the landscape through the viewfinder, her eye squinted and her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

"Can I get a picture of you?" He asked as soon as she brought her device back down to rest on her chest.

Ella hesitated for a second but before she could agree, she remembered the lack of proper lighting, "The flash is gonna ruin the sunset and if I don't use it, it will look too dark."

He thought of it only for a second, knowing she knew more about it than him but came to a different solution, "With my phone then."

She hummed like she was considering it, but her decision was taking longer than what he wanted so he bumped his head against hers softly and said, "C'mon darling."

When Ella turned to see him, Alex was grinning at her like he knew she was going to fold and she rolled her eyes when she finally agreed, "Okay just a quick one." She turned off her camera before she could move, purposely taking longer to do that.

Switching seats so he could take the picture properly, and taking her camera from her, Alex pulled up his camera on his phone and turned the flash on. "How does Bre get you to let her take your picture?" He wondered out loud as Ella shied behind her hands and took a few deep breaths.

Letting her hands drop, she shrugged and smiled, "Because it's Bre."

But before he could snap the moment away, Alex rolled his eyes and said, "Right, I forgot you're secretly in love with her still."

"Oh shut up." She hit his knee with hers, truly meaning it when she replied, "She's my best friend."

With that he smugly raised his phone back up, and with a, "And so am I, so smile for me darling." he waited for her to give him a big smile to take the picture.

He lowered his phone as he went to his camera roll to see how it had turned out, "That look alright?" Ella asked shyly, trying to see the product as he was grinning like an idiot at his screen.

Alex nodded intently, "Yes, I love it." And he wasn't lying, her eyes had closed from how big she had smiled, her cheeks rosy almost as much as the pink in the sky and once again he was brought back to that day they spent together in the west coast when he couldn't even begin to appreciate the sunset behind her as he drove because she looked so beautiful.

She demanded softly with a tug of his wrist, "Show it to me." And when she saw herself on his screen, she felt her cheeks heat up, "I look so..."

"Pretty?" He quickly finished the sentence for her.

But she shook her head, putting that to the side for the moment for her own good, "Blushy. My cheeks match the damn sky."

"You always are darling." He confirmed to her, "Don't think there's been many instances since 2011 when I've seen you and you've not been blushing."

She was properly embarrassed then, thinking about how dumb it was for her to always be blushing and for him to have noticed every time for the past two years, "Okay don't call me out now."

"Anyway, you look beautiful." The singer came back to see the picture once more and smiled to himself, "I'll send it to you now."

Her phone pinged with a notification of his text then and unlocking it to see it now on her screen, she sat comfortably again, shoulder to shoulder with him. "Thanks sweets."

His arm came around her shoulder and brought her into him, "You're welcome darling."

The minutes kept passing by and with it the sun lowered even more until it was completely gone and the sky went from orange, pink and lilac to a deep blue pierced by many stars which glistened as much as the lights of the city did.

Exhaustion was catching up to them, her eyes were closing and she was struggling to keep them open. Alex noticed when her hand started falling slowly from the top of her thigh where it was resting to the space between their legs.

So, softly getting a hold of her hand, he played with her fingers and asked in a low voice, "Should we head back to the hotel darling?"

Ella groaned but nodded, really wanting to get in bed and rest now. "Please?"

He pouted at her tired expression and slowly stood up after giving her a little squeeze, "'Course. Let's go."

Alex extended his hand out to her and she accepted it, letting him pull her up. "Thank you." She stumbled a bit, bumping into his chest where she rested her hand so she could stabilize herself.

He took advantage of how close he had her so he left a kiss on her temple and mumbled, "You're welcome." against it.

Turning around to leave, Alex grabbed her hand but she only moved an inch before she called out a "Wait." that he had barely managed to hear with the rumble of the city in the background.

"What's wrong?" He turned back to her with a small frown, he had her camera hanging from his neck and she had her bag hanging off her shoulder so he wasn't sure if there was anything she'd forgotten.

The bench was empty which confirmed she wasn't forgetting a thing but her frown softened up when she continued with a "Nothing just– c'mere," And she dropped his hand to open her arms up for him to walk into.

He of course obliged, taking a big stride her way and clutching her tight, her arms wrapped over his shoulders and his around her waist. She giggled when she felt her camera in the way of their chests pressing together, making for a rather awkward position but it was a hug from him so it was everything but. They swayed a bit in the embrace and he heard her say, "Love you Al, thank you for today." in his ear.

Filling up with warmth, the biggest smile showed on his face and he didn't waste another second to reciprocate, "Love you too Ellie." Kissing her cheek first, he pulled back to look into her eyes and make her understand that, "There's no need to thank me, darling. It was my absolute pleasure."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: Personally, my heart burst writing this, and rereading it made me tear up. Wheels and Curly being here along with the rest of t1975, Alex and Ella reuniting, and then being absolutely adorable makes me wanna cry. Once again, a million thank yous to @imagine-that-100​ for being wonderful and allowing me to have them here and expanding the multiverse a bit more, and I hope y'all enjoyed catching a glimpse of them in an alternate timeline because I certainly did fucking adore writing them in. If you haven’t read @nriacc​ yet, what are you waiting for? Anyway, I'm wondering now if you have any predictions about what's gonna happen in this trip, I would love to see what those predictions are and if there's anything you want to happen hehehe. Thank you so much for reading! See you in two weeks with the next!! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn​ @funniestpersoninnyc​ @andrearroe​ @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette

[abyssalhuntersnerd]

While yes, Specter Alter made me fucking suffer for months because she's just built different, I still adore her with every single fiber of my being because she's literally everything I could have ever wanted and she is everything she deserved to be.

Everytime I think about how beautiful her character development has been and how her own self worth journey has developed I just get so happy because she thought that she was worth nothing. Her body has been worn out, she has no control over it and the only thing she can do that is somewhat useful is slicing things up for a living. Even if she has a brief moment of consciousness, it's probably just as bad as being trapped in her previous state, it's spent thinking to herself there really isn't anything she can do for herself and that this is it, her fate has been decided. She will die fighting like this, being restrained to chains she never chose in the first place and she won't have a choice in the matter- Because some weirdos decided to inject Originium into her spine to get information out of her and even when they tried to, she still never gave them what they wanted.

I don't think we talk about her mental resilience enough. Like yeah, she was unstable when she didn't have control over herself and her reactions to certain things told you everything you needed to know about her past experiences- But damn, this girl is tougher than most of us would like to admit. The Church tortured her to extremes I'd rather not think about, ruined her life and her as a whole but she doesn't hold any resentment towards them, she doesn't hate their guts, she simply is disgusted by them and just... Instead of straight up murdering Amaya on the fucking spot cause let me tell you I would not be able to hold myself back, she just tells her to fuck off, to please die in the fanciest way possible and dances with her because why not. Just why not. At the end of the day she still admits they would never have gotten along but damn, just damn.

The fact that she takes that experience, the years of isolation and pain- And learns to love herself for who she is now, not for who she was before is mesmerizing. She's 3 people at the same time, she's Laurentina of Aegir, she's Shark of the 2nd Company and she's Specter the Unchained. She's the same person she was but she doesn't reject the parts she hated before.

She sees so much more worth in her own self than she ever did before because those parts she's been trying to reject for so long are what she just needed to become the person she was meant to be, so beautiful, so tragic and so perfect that she baffles me at times.

We don't talk about her enough. About how she's seen her the worst parts of herself and instead of hating them she embraced them. How we all wished we could do that ourselves and we find it so difficult because loving yourself is so hard nowadays.

And honestly? We also don't give Skadi and Gladiia enough goddamn credit. I don't care what anyone says anymore, if it wasn't for them Specter wouldn't be where she is. Yes, they weren't the ones who made her like this but the fact Skadi spent literally YEARS to find something that would help her, even if it was just for a brief moment because she wanted to talk to her, be with her and try to save the only thing she had left from her beloved home? How she considers her, her treasure map, the one who keeps her going even though she doesn't know where she's going but she still will regardless cause if it's for her and with her partner, it's all worth it. How she was the one who cared for her along with everyone who wasn't scared to, who held and carried her when she needed it? The person who properly spent countless hours by her side, telling her about all the things she wished she could tell her in hopes that maybe, that way, she would get better? To then be told that she was being heard and that even if she thought she couldn't rely on Specter, she still told her that Skadi could regardless of her condition? That even after Under Tides she promised her she would be there when she woke up again and she was, and fuck, Skadi's heart probably leaped out of damn joy to see her back, to see the person she's been caring for so damn long to finally be back, back to her true self. Can you imagine how Specter feels about Skadi? How grateful she is to her for everything she's done? How wonderful their relationship is?

How even if there wasn't much to go off of, Gladiia was always there for her. Even if she was desperately looking for a way to go back home and to stop her mutation she still believed in her beloved Shark? Even when Skadi doubted herself and Specter she still reassured her telling her that her hunter is tougher than this. That she can overcome anything. That even if it wasn't much, Specter still appreciated being able to be hunter under her wing, that she promised her she would try to get better even if it took her a while? How Specter makes Gladiia smile with her just being a little shit something not many can do?

How they just... Complete each other in ways I cannot express because it is so beautiful to see 3 people appreciate each other so much? How Specter in a way, might give them that little hope they need to keep going? That if she can better, so can they?

Just. Just them. Just Skadi. Just Gladiia. Just Specter.

I just love her so fucking much. She's absolutely perfect. She deserved her damn Alter so much.

[em-prentiss]

I like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings

-----

Chapter 4: Cats and dogs

She laughs and it hits him then, as the breath catches in his throat. I want to marry her. His heart beats so fast he’s surprised she doesn’t hear it. He suddenly sees another child next to Jack on the swings; a girl, her hair dark and her eyes darker still, carbon copies of Emily’s. It settles in his lungs, a choking need to have this with her.

Or, 5 times Aaron tries to propose to Emily, and the one time he finally does it.

Word count: 2.3k

-----

JJ wonders.

Aaron Hotchner is not a hesitant man by nature. Each step he takes is well thought out, calculated, pros and cons carefully weighed before he makes a decision. Though she could understand why this would make him falter, she thinks it’s just a little weird there’s no ring on Emily’s finger five months after he bought it.

Scratch that, it’s a lot weird.

She doesn’t consider herself a nosy person, especially not with Hotch of all people, but one day she finds herself alone with him on the way to interview a suspect, and the question pops up in her head. It falls from her lips not much later.

“How come you haven’t proposed yet?” She blurts out, breaking the silence between them.

More silence. Then a long, tortured sigh that makes her turn her head in his direction. His jaw is set as he looks straight at the road, the line of it harsh with frustration. “Believe me it’s not from a lack of trying,” his hand tightens on the wheel. 

His brows draw together into an impressive frown, one usually reserved for the nastiest of unsubs, “It’s just been a shit show,” he mutters. 

JJ splutters out a small laugh, slightly shocked at hearing him curse so forcefully. His eyes flit to hers and he gives her a sheepish tilt of his lips, not quite a smile but definitely not the hard scowl he was directing at the road.

“How so?”

The rest of the ride is spent in his quiet retelling of his previous attempts, a low hum of frustration clinging to his voice as he talks. JJ holds back her smile as she listens, her heart warming at the way he so obviously just wants to marry her best friend and take that next step with her. They reach their suspect’s house just as he’s done and he takes the key out of the ignition before JJ can say something—in consolation or advice, she didn’t really have time to think.

She shoves it to the back of her head as they talk to the suspect and jots down notes as Hotch asks him questions, confirming his alibi and revisiting his relationship with the victim. She can tell it’s out of his head by the time they’re walking back to the car, but her thoughts start racing when he drives off again.

“There’s this place I go with Henry and Will,” she says after she’s thought about it. “It’s kind of like a meadow, really, with all these pretty flowers and tall trees.” Her voice is wistful, fond memories of spending time there with her family flooding her brain; Henry picking the flowers, Will leaning against a tree and her curling into his lap.

“It’s hidden in the middle of nowhere, we’ve been going for years and never saw anyone there. It’s a beautiful spot. Maybe you should check it out.”

Aaron smiles, a soft thing with dimples usually reserved for Emily and Jack. “I will. Thank you, JJ,” he says, his voice quiet but thick with sincerity.

JJ grins back. “Of course.” She waits a beat, then, “Emily better make me maid of honor after all my contributions,” she jokes lightly.

Aaron laughs, his mood lifted now that he has a new plan of action. “I’ll put in a good word for you.”

****

It takes a few weeks before he’s able to check out the spot himself. Aaron follows JJ’s careful directions, smiling when he finally finds himself in the middle of the clearing, just as beautiful as she’d described. He goes back to planning, and by that weekend he’s holding Emily’s hand and leading her through the grass, their picnic basket hanging from his arm.

“How’d you find this place?” Emily asks in awe as she looks around, smiling at the sight of freshly grown wildflowers peeking through the grass. Aaron drops her hand to spread their blanket at the base of a tree and swallows to fight the rising panic climbing his throat.

“Stumbled upon it on one of my runs,” he mumbles, setting the basket down and grabbing her hand again to pull her down with him. “Pretty, isn’t it?” He asks quickly, hoping to fend off any other questions.

“Gorgeous,” she agrees and he looks around too, allowing himself to take in the seclusion of it. No interruptions this time; just him and her. Aaron breathes out a slow breath, the light weight of the ring in his back pocket calming his racing heart. He’ll finally get to do this.

“Jack would love it here,” Emily says as she looks up at the large clouds looming overhead, fluffy and bright, some of them occasionally covering the sun and casting them briefly in shadows.

“We’ll bring him next time,” Aaron assures, kissing her cheek before letting go of her fingers, “now help me unpack this.” He gestures to the basket.

He can’t help but feel he’s actually got it right this time. Emily helps him unpack the fruit plate but gets distracted as he pulls out the pastries, her eyes straying to the flowers, the clouds, the sky. The spring air ruffles her hair and she wraps her thin shawl tighter over her arms, covering the skin left exposed by her dress.

“I don’t see you working much,” Aaron teases as he sets the empty basket aside and organizes the food on the blanket in a way that’s so characteristically him that Emily’s heart warms. She grins and reaches for a strawberry from the fruit plate, popping it whole into her mouth.

“That’s what I’ve got you for, sweetheart,” she pats his cheek, sliding her hand into his hair to pull him down for a strawberry infused kiss. His laugh is stifled against her mouth, though his heart secretly bursts.

“Sweetheart?” He raises his brows when he leans back, his lips stretched into too wide of a smile to kiss her properly.

“Yeah,” Emily murmurs as she grabs a raspberry and gently presses it against his lips, signaling for him to open. She pops it into his mouth and grabs one for herself, “You’re my sweetheart, aren’t you?” She flutters her lashes playfully, though the way his breath catches is anything but. “You can say it to me but I can’t say it to you?”

He swallows against his dry throat, his hands automatically reaching for her before his brain catches up. He cradles her face in his hands, brings her closer and kisses the corner of her lips, “You can say it to me,” he murmurs, his voice slightly rough as her hands dig into his shirt. “I like it.”

Emily smiles and pecks him lightly, “Okay, sweetheart,” she laughs and pushes him back as her stomach grumbles. “Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

He rests his back against the tree and she sits cross legged in front of him, wrapping her shawl tighter around her as the sun starts to disappear more frequently beneath the clouds. Her eyes are bright as they eat, stories and jokes falling from her lips as they enjoy the pastries they’d gotten that morning.

Aaron feels his shoulders relax as he sinks further into the tree behind him, her familiar voice washing over him. She gestures wildly with her hands as she talks, something that makes him laugh even more than the tall tales she spins him. 

It’s really that simple, he realizes; just the two of them and the promise of forever hidden in his pocket. He itches to reach for it but she’s still snacking on the fruit, her fingertips lightly stained red with their juice, and he tells himself he can wait. He’s got all of today, after all.

“I bet this place would be good for stargazing at night,” Emily muses as she looks up at the sky. It’s grown overcast as they were eating, slowly graying clouds blanketing the sky and covering the sun. The cool spring breeze cuts through her dress and she shivers, leaning into Aaron’s side to leech some of his warmth.

He wraps an arm around her shoulders. “I don’t think so,” he says, idly running his fingers through her hair, “it doesn’t look like it from here, but it’s not as isolated as it looks. The city lights would still cover most of the stars.”

“That’s a shame,” Emily picks a few daises from the base of the tree they’re leaning against. “When I was younger I used to spend summers in the French Alps with my grandfather,” she says wistfully, smiling down at the daisies as she twists them into a crown.

Aaron’s brows lift in surprise. “You never told me that,” he murmurs as he drags his fingertips over the material of her shawl, sending her deeper into his chest.

“I like to keep you on your toes,” she winks at him, smiling when he chuckles. She feels it in her back, in her bones, right in her heart. She picks a few more daises to lengthen her crown. “It’s where I started to learn so much about the stars. They’re so bright over there. Not like here,” she sighs as she looks up at the sky, bleak and gray in earnest now.

“I’ll bet,” Aaron says as he looks up at the sky too, frowning at the sight of the clouds. The warm syrupy sunshine of that morning is nowhere to be found, reminding him once again of his dislike for spring. He shakes it off and smiles when he looks down at the half-formed crown in Emily’s lap. “What was your grandfather like?”

She smiles and turns her head to meet his eyes. “Quiet,” she whispers as she rests her chin on his shoulder, “a little grumpy,” a small, wistful smile plays on her lips. Her eyes have that faraway look, as if she’s back in the mountains, head tilted to the sky as her still chubby fingers traced out the shapes of constellations with her grandfather’s hand over hers; warm, steady.

“I miss him,” Emily says quietly, smiling when Aaron lightly squeezes her waist. “We used to go to a tiny old bookshop in town, and he’d let me buy as many books as I’d want. We had nightly debriefs,” she chuckles lightly, looking up at Aaron with sparkling eyes. “I’d tell him all about my book and he’d tell me all about his.”

Aaron smiles. “He sounds wonderful,” he presses a kiss to her temple as she goes back to completing her daisy crown.

“He was,” she agrees. “And he would’ve loved you.”

She doesn’t realize the effect those seemingly simple words have on him. Aaron’s chest expands and he’s suddenly aware of the black box digging into his pocket, trapped between his body and the tree bark. His throat goes dry and he swallows, removing his arm from around Emily’s shoulders. “I have something to ask you,” he says, but his words are drowned out by the rumble of thunder overhead.

“What?” Emily looks up, her completed daisy chain resting on her lap as she looks up at the sky. “I think it’s gonna rain,” she comments, just as fat drops start to fall from the clouds. In seconds the rain starts falling in thick sheets, immediately drenching the grass, the blanket, their clothes.

Are you actually fucking kidding me?

“For fuck’s sake.” Aaron groans, shoving his soaking hair away from his face as Emily jumps up from the blanket and reaches for his hand. She tugs to pull him up and he moves without feeling it, following her lead. The grass is slippery beneath her shoes, the rain falling into her eyes as she looks up at him. He’s scowling up at the sky, jaw clenched and brows drawn tightly together, as if the rain has committed a heinous crime.

“It’s just rain, Aaron,” she laughs as it soaks her skin and makes her dress cling to her body. Aaron doesn’t laugh back, disappointment once again settling into his bones. He was so fucking close.

Emily sobers up at the expression on his face. “Hey. What’s wrong?” She cups his cheek, reaching forward to soothe the wrinkle between his brows. Aaron blinks the rain out of his eyes and presses his slippery forehead against hers, his frustrated sigh lost in another rumble of thunder.

“I just…” He trails off as she looks at him expectantly, a small furrow in between her brows now. Aaron presses his thumb to her frown, his lips tilting upwards as he smooths it out. I just really want to marry you.

Her wet lashes are somehow impossibly darker against her skin. His heart swells and he tucks a few strands of wet hair behind her ear, the strands returning to their natural curl beneath the water. “Never mind.” Aaron kisses her wet forehead. “I love you,” he murmurs, so low she almost doesn’t hear it over the roar of the rain.

Emily smiles up at him, blinking the water out of her eyes. “I love you too,” she plants a quick kiss on his lips. “Now dance with me.” 

Somehow she gets him to laugh this time. Aaron holds her close as they move aimlessly to the patter of the rain, their hands slipping on wet skin, wet hair. He feels the velvet soaking through in his back pocket and takes a second to glare up at the dark sky, his cheek pressed to Emily’s.

You’ll get to do it next time, he tells himself. 

He’s getting really sick of next times.

[dimension20npcofalltime]

My Favourite Tags / Reblogs of Round Two

Yeah sorry this one's long

#the yogurt man deserves this

Loose Duke did NOT hide for nearly an entire season in a spaceship’s vents, personally haunting Emily Axford the real person’s mind, to lose. - inkytrinket-irii

#loose duke is the only npc that gets better the less you see him

#hell yes! BIM SWEEP!#all the calroy girlies see his canon artwork and run for the hills. pathetic.#that man is a slice of cake and he’s sexier than any pink​​​-haired twink you could possibly draw

#chose calroy bc of that one monologue that out of context makes a crown of Candy sound like the most intense historical war period piece#to ever exist#also bc I did not watch sophmore year

#calroy sweep are you kidding#the gayest slice of cake to ever live

#hardest decision of my life 5ever#shit in your mouth vs watch me shit? how could i ever decide between those two?#(it was calroy easily)

#voted ox just so it's not a complete wipe. he's a Good Boy and i'm love him#but he doesn't stand a chance against the unhinged all-consuming-devotion dykery that is wuvvy

#i love garthy but Aelwyn has been giving me brainrot for the padt few months#the kind of character you want to snap in half and then cry about it

#it’s tough because aelwyns whole deal makes me cry#but on the other hand garthy is hot as hell

#ough this is hard#on one hand aelwyn is v complex and is central to adaines development in fhsy#on the other hand... garthy's voice is hot as hell and they are chill as hell#i GUESS ill pick aelwyn. im just saying i hate asmr but if it was garthy i think all my stress would melt away

#GUYS COME ON I KNOW GARTHY IS HOT BUT.#LOOK AT HER#SOPPING WET CAT OF A GIRL ALSO REMEMBER WHEN SHE WALKED INTO A LUDICROUS PARTY#OF HER OWN MAKING#SMASHED TWO BOTTLE OF LIQUOR AND MAGICED THAT SHIT STRAIGHT DOWN HER THROAT???#she is so everything to me Adaine in the first minutes of the campaign immediately tries to murder her#she shut down her mind to survive torture and kept her personality in a black box only her sister could open#sibling relationship of all time guys

#i love them both#but it has to be john feathers#most guy of all time despite literally being a bird

#if you're not gonna beat up a bunch of angels to give your wife tax advice don't even look at dale

#WHY is esther losing!!!#justice for my girl#my girl has the only braincell in NYC#released from her curse and immediately jumps the hot firefighter#nothing but respect

#one of the very few acoc characters i'll vote against without hesitation#ESPECIALLY for baron my god i love that little freak

#baron you funky creation from aroace fear

#i love dr lugash so fucking much#but you really put him up against annabelle cheddar? the most dyke 5ever?#i love her sm

#lugash would want you to vote annabell#because he is lgbt ally

#why does raghs art have him dressed as a dad at a barbecue#actually you know what he IS gay and it makes sense for him to be that flavor of gay

#plug's gonna lose a poll the same day he's gonna die- tomorrow

#Wilma!!!#or did y'all forget our education on docking

#vote caramelinda my god she deserves this win#also she's canonically lesbian. dyke rights.

[msfbgraves]

(when Michael assured him that the omega, Anna, was never with Terry's pup and was now mated to a Chicago musician, with young pups of her own.)

You did NOT just allude to Terry McCain and Anna from Excessive Force!! GASP. So clever!! It all makes sense now, she really was the really beautiful female version of Daniel. I guess Terry Silver made such a huge impression on her that she had to marry his long-lost twin lol. Happy ending I guess…? At the same time it shows that though Terry was so disgustingly inebriated, he still went for the closest thing that resembled Daniel. Says a lot.

(As for Terry's people - everyone who didn't know does now, and that was excruciating... but they were all on his side.)

I’m dumb, but I’m kinda confused at the working here—when you say they were all on his side, do you mean on Terry’s side or Daniel’s?

I hate that so many people know about Terry’s infidelity (and no one except Anna knows how far it really went…ARGH. But I am glad he didn’t do all this when Daniel was with pup, that would have made it EVEN WORSE. And that Anna didn’t get knocked up. THE HORROR. Thanks for snooping, Michael! It does make me sad that things weren’t normal between Daniel and Terry for months after the 16th anniversary fail-night. I guess it shows how worried and hurt Daniel really was by all this, plus the added stress of not knowing if Terry got someone else pregnant.

If Terry had, and Michael had found out, how would Daniel feel? What would he do, what would Terry do?

Do the older pups know that Daddy cheated on Mama?

Love that Danny boy had his Name Day celebration and everyone came out in support. Baby boy <333 T_T Hope Terry felt ashamed and horrible <333

My bad - everyone who heard about Terry's cheating at the wake was on Daniel's side. Jaysis, what a mess, so it was! Drink and grief is a terrible combination that way. You can't even blame the poor fella who forgot himself, can you?

I don't think Terry would have done all this had Daniel been with pup, he would have been attacking his own pup, evolutionary speaking that would have put the brakes on. I think Alphas have the same brutal instinct as we do in wartime, that getting an 'enemy' omega or beta woman with pup is a power move, but assaulting your own pregnant women and omegas is too horrible to think about. I feel that people are collectively most protective of visibly pregnant women (and indeed most aggressive towards them when they are battle mad).

But he wasn't with pup.

Also, part of the 'months' mentioned was before the anniversary, but yeah - do we expect him to take everything? Nice deflection of Terry attacking his supposed lack of loyalty, but Daniel is right, keep doing this and even his capacity forgiveness may hit a limit. Peversely, Terry may have been right not telling him, because had he known straight away, Daniel might have nodded when the Don suggested murder.

This is, also, why his family didn't mention anything before. Michael has known about Anna for years, as has Pop. No way they didn't keep tabs on Terry from the second sweet Daniele turned up on their doorstep. It's the first thing the Don ordered Michael to do after putting the fear of God in him - damage control. The further damage being Anna, and had she been with pup, to 'take care of it', make her disappear. When they knew she wasn't with pup, they would have gotten her out of NYC except that John Kreese was ahead of them there. (John would not have had Terry's pup killed, because Terry. Michael would absolutely have had Terry's pup killed, because Terry.)

If Terry had and Michael would have found out, what would Daniel feel? What is there to feel, Daniele? She died before anyone could ever be sure. Yes, an accident, Piccino, those things happen. Don't torture yourself, you know kitties like this meet the wrong people, they are strung out on God knows what sometimes. Did we have anything to do with it? Daniele, baby, it's none of our business. And would any Alpha kill their own pup? Of course not.

Do you swear, Michael?!

Don't insult me. I know you're in pain, Piccino. But don't insult me. Come here, now, give me a hug. It's over, you'll be fine, I promise.

Had Terry found out about a potential pup he would have had to go directly against Michael stop it and Amanda was busy enough thwarting several "accidents" that could have befallen Terry in Sicily as it was. He would have lost, he knows he would have lost, and Terry might feel some kind of primal ache at the idea but he never would have risked it. It's a cold world he lives in.

But! Anna is alive and happily mated and out of the business, she and her mate run a bar. Apparently the guy got kicked out of the force but like Michael cares. Chicago is not their turf, Terry handles new markets.

Do the older pups know Terry cheated on Mama? It's the biggest open secret in the world, but even Eli has enough self control to not even hint at it, especially after Sam had that little talk with Daddy. They were too young, and people say things when they're drunk. We DO NOT TALK about it, Anthony, shut up. No. Shut up! I don't care what you heard, who said anything anyway, I'll shut that bastard up for you. Oh, no, don't? Then stop trying to be clever, little egg, you weren't even alive yet.

I...don't think Terry feels easily ashamed in spite of it all. He has that sureness of his convictions that is just this side of quite sane. He's not sorry he's done it, he's sorry about the effect he's had. He wouldn't have been ashamed if he'd never been found out. Again, you couldn't go around murdering people if you weren't somehow above what other people want in your own mind. So that nameday celebration? He knows why and yet he takes it completely at face value in demeanor. Of course they should celebrate his mate. They should have sooner, come to think of it.

[waltwhitmansbeard]

go on, claim my heart: chapter nine

see my masterpost for what came before this. inspired by @romeoandjulietyouwish's medieval au.

The tent that Pike brought along on the trip was designed for one human-sized person, which means that there's just enough room for Scanlan's bedroll to wedge in next to hers. He snuggles in deep to ward off the autumn cold, and then he frowns when he sees Pike knelt atop hers, hands on her knees and head bowed. "What're you doing?"

She doesn't move to look at him. "I'm talking to Sarenrae."

Sarenrae. That's the god Pike worships—and she must be fairly good at it, considering they made her the Mistress of Divinity on the Ashari Council. Scanlan's never been one for piety of any kind, preferring to spend his time worshiping at various dens of iniquity, but he is impressed with Pike's consistent devotion to her god. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, Scanlan. Maybe my friends' missing child?"

Well. It's rare that Pike takes any kind of tone with him that isn't flirtatious or playful. "My apologies."

She sighs, and her upright posture slouches. "No, I'm sorry. I just...I'm wondering if the Everlight sent me any signals that I missed. If there was anything I could have done to prevent Vilya from being taken. Part of my duty is to commune with my god to...keep an eye on things, so to speak. And this just blindsided me."

"Hey." Scanlan sits up and takes her hand. "It's not your fault the princess was taken. I mean, I'm sort of playing catch up here, but from the sounds of it, Vax's god actually did give him a proper warning, and still she was taken."

"Oh, gods, Vax. I can't imagine how he must be torturing himself. He told me months ago what the Raven Queen told him, asked me not to tell Keyleth." She shrinks in on herself further. "Now I wish I had."

"No one knows what would have happened if Princess Keyleth had been told, but these Briarwoods were able to poison her and Vax, kill two trained guards, and take a baby without raising any alarms, so it's safe to say they aren't your average villains. I think the bloodshed would have been worse if the princess's cottage had been more heavily guarded."

"Maybe." Pike gives him a sad smile. "I'm glad you're here, though. I'm not sure my magic will be enough in this upcoming journey, so your talents will be most appreciated."

"Oh? And which talents are those?" He laces the question with all the libidinous suggestion he can muster.

She rolls her eyes and shoves him back onto his pillow. "Go to sleep, you horrid man."

"Fine." He curls back up into the bedroll and rolls onto his side. "Have fun flirting with your god or whatever."

The sound of her low laugh in the dark makes the edge of his mouth curl as sleep carries him away quickly.

.

Despite a day and a half of straight riding and the emotional stress of things, Percy does not succumb immediately to sleep as he so desperately wishes to do. Instead he sits in his tent, cleaning his weapon by the light of a single candle, and he waits. He will stay awake as long as it takes, as long as she takes.

Mercifully, she does not take long. He is just putting his project away for the night when the tent flaps open and Vex's grimace appears, one end of her bow sticking up behind her. "Oh. You're still up."

"Sorry to disappoint." He pats the bedroll beside him. "Shoot anything interesting?"

She heaves out a sigh, kicking off her boots. "No. Managed to waste three perfectly good arrows while missing, though."

"We'll get you more in Syngorn."

She rolls her eyes at his hint as she climbs into her bedroll. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Yes, well, you made that perfectly clear when you stormed off into the woods in a huff. Unfortunately for you, as one of seven, I have an unmatched ability to wait out even the foulest of moods."

Her glare nearly ices his glasses over. "Do not mock me. I have an endless list of reasons as to why I wish never to see that dreadful man again."

"Then share them with me," Percy pleads. He grabs her hand and laces their fingers together. "I cannot know how to support you if you do not let me in."

"I know that you of all people are not lecturing me about withholding the sordid details of my past."

And it stings, but it's fair. It is hardly just for Percy to want from Vex what he has been unwilling to give anyone since fleeing Whitestone. He knows better than most the acute agony of reliving the horrors of one's past, the keen desire to avoid them at all costs. He has been told little of her life in Syngorn, only that she and her brother left the moment they were able to strike out on their own.

And he wants to know everything. Percy has always been curious, notorious for poking around where he ought not to be, but when it comes to her, he is insatiable. She has made herself an enigma, so trained and regimented and dutiful, but absolutely wild underneath, and he wants to unpiece her like a clock, uncover her springs and gears until he understands the mechanisms of her mind.

A gear for a gear, then. "When I sleep, I still hear Ollie's whimpers as Lord Briarwood drained the life from him." Vex goes moon pale in the candlelight. "Cass could hear them too, and she didn't understand why we weren't helping him. Of course, I didn't understand either, because my body was making choices faster than my mind could comprehend them. I let my brother die in the hope that my sister and I could flee—and then, she ended up dying anyway."

The silence is thin and sticky, like morning dew. Percy watches her face, careful to keep his neutral, and she's clearly fighting something in that clockwork mind of hers. Finally, she begrudgingly says, "Our father was negligent at his best, cruel at his worst. He hated that we were half-elves, hated that we were bastards, hated that we weren't mindlessly obedient to his every whim. Vax...he put himself in the position to take the brunt of his ire so that I might be spared, and I have never forgiven myself for letting him do it." She juts her chin out, a challenge for him to demand more.

He doesn't. Instead, he leans forward and gently kisses her, and he can feel her surprise in her lips. "Thank you," he murmurs, before sliding into his bedroll, curling to his side, and blowing out the candle.

.

When Grog snores himself awake, having been curled up like a dog next to the long-dead fire, Vax decides it's his turn to take watch. He gently rouses Keyleth, half-carrying her back to their tent, and lays her into her bedroll. He's only just managed to crawl into his own before she's reaching for him, pulling herself onto his chest with a kind of desperation he hasn't seen since before they were married, when she clung to him in her sleep as he tried to sneak out of her chambers before dawn.

"I am sorry," he breathes, unsure if she's even awake still. "I will never forgive myself for what I've done, and I understand if you cannot forgive me either. I knew, after you and Vilya were both safe and healthy, that the Raven Queen's warning was not for her birth after all, but...as time wore on, and no new premonitions came from my matron, I let myself believe that the danger had passed. I was foolish, and naïve, and negligent, and—"

"You talk too much." Keyleth lifts her head to rest her chin on his chest. "I am angry with you, yes. I cannot but imagine how things would have gone if more people knew of your goddess's omen. How we might have prevented Vilya's kidnapping and those guards' deaths. But Vax..." She blinks, and tears have appeared down her cheeks. "...more than angry, I feel so betrayed. I thought we were a team, partners. It's not just the Raven Queen's warning you kept from me, it was the conversation, the relationship you have with her. I didn't know she spoke to you like this in your dreams, beyond your dealings with her after..." She trails off, but Vax knows what she's not saying.

"After you died." She nods. "Kiki...I am an assassin. A spy. A bodyguard. I serve the goddess of death. This is what surrounds me: death and violence and destruction. And you are a creature of life, of peace, of joy. It is why I love you so ardently, so hopelessly. The thought of bringing any of that...foulness anywhere close to you sickens me."

"But that foulness has already found me, Vax! The death and the violence and the destruction—we were attacked on this very road, shortly before our people were slaughtered in Syngorn and I was nearly kidnapped. And then I died. And now the undead have come for our daughter. I am not immune to these things no matter how hard you try to hide them from me! All you are doing is leaving me in the dark, fumbling and sightless when you already know the way."

He closes his eyes, feeling twice the fool he did before. She's right, of course, always right, always irritatingly right. As furiously as he tries to keep his own darkness from her, he cannot hope to keep the darkness of the world from reaching her, not with every passing day, when her role on the world stage grows bigger, more important. The world is coming for her, for their daughter, and what is one man in the face of nations? If he cannot keep the dangers of her office at bay, the least he can do is be the thing she can count on, the one thing in the storming seas that does not seek to drown her.

He slides further down his bedroll until they are face to face, and he brushes her hair behind one ear. He really needs to comb it out, fix it up in a proper plait for riding. "I am sorry. For all of it. I cannot undo what has happened to our daughter, but I hope you can believe that all I wanted was to keep you safe, to keep both of you safe." His throat is suddenly thick and his eyes burn with the guilt of his failure.

"Oh, Vax." She reaches out to pull him to her, and he buries his face into the crook of her neck as the tears come hot and fast. "Of course I believe that. I know it in my bones, the way the birds know where to fly for the winter." He can feel her own tears in his hair. "Not once have I ever doubted your devotion to us. I just hope you know that I am as equally devoted to you, that as much as you try to keep parts of yourself from me, I will never, ever stop seeking them out."

Gods above and below, he loves her. He curls himself into her arms, wishing he could trade his every breath to put right this most heinous wrong. As he drifts off, exhausted and hollow, he is glad at least to have the peace of knowing that while Keyleth may very well still be justifiably angry with him, she does not hate him—and for now, that is a mercy in and of itself.

[isawken]

so the thing is

the thing is i think about my sorry 20 year old ass taking dozens of mgs of stolen barbiturates in my one bedroom apartment luxuriously paid for by an excess of student loans playing spyro the dragon on my 11 year old playstation 2 slim living the young artist's dream just me and a cat and and memory loss skipping class to make mediocre art too high to self harm in the old fashioned "burn or cut myself" way so i didn't think the other stuff i was doing was all that bad and trying really hard to be a mediocre waitress at a mediocre faux-high-brow restaurant and finally after a month being honest with my therapist and her recommending, not telling, me to self admit to Forest View Psychiatric Hospital and i actually did because i didn't know what else to do and i got in there and they took my shoelaces and i cried for about 36 hours straight because what the fuck did i just do, until they finally gave up on the trazadone that just straight up was not working and gave me seroquel and i finally slept for a while and then just sat in the bedroom i shared with an 18 year old anorexic (who would soon ask to get transferred to the minor ward and they'd let her for reasons i'm still not clear on other than the assumption of empathy on the part of her assigned psychiatrist which is frankly hard for me to believe) because they didn't actually care if you went to the group therapies as long as you were somewhere visible for their regular 15 minute check ins but after the 3rd day of now-intermittent crying and 6 new medications and mediocre forced sleep i asked if i could take a nap in one of the quiet rooms and they let me and it was one of the best naps i ever had in my life and when i woke up i was in a great mood and my whole perspective had somehow shifted and suddenly this was a good thing i was okay with being here (i still have no idea how this happened) and i went to group therapy and i tolerated the others in therapy telling me the solution to my immense self hate was to trust that god loves me and i went to the art room and drew in coloring books with the others and chatted and a 19 year old taught me about the chemical compounds in mucinex that get you high and i got a new roommate who was also my age also bisexual and she was an opera singer and she knew danish and we chatted up a stereotypically intimidating-looking biker man who had a voice as beautiful as my roommate's and he told us as he was waiting for the single-shower room about the benefits of MDMA for trauma and how the best thing you can do when you're rolling is "the airplane" and a 48 year old pill popper mother of 4 taught me how to jam a plastic spoon into the shower button in your room so you don't have to keep pressing the button for water and a guy named zander told me a bunch of pun jokes and we started sitting together at lunch and one day it was chicken wings, like actually decent chicken wings, so he ate a bunch and then left the bones piled on his plate as he left to get another round and the woman sitting across from us leaned over, eyes honed on my face, and very gently asked if it would be okay if we could cover up the bones on our plates because it reminded her of her captivity by two men and subsequent torture, specifically when they shoved a broken handle through her foot and

and

and my reaction was, of course, to say yes yes, of course, it's no trouble at all, zander won't mind either, and he came back as we were talking, and i simply told him let's cover up our bones as i unfolded a napkin and draped it over his plate, and he nodded in immediate understanding, and i switched conversation topics to something light like oh where are you from what did you do before this what drugs did you take and it was an otherwise fine lunch as we all commiserated over our substance abuses and

and

and ever since then, even during subsequent life-changing mental breakdowns, it's never been as bad as that first one, because i think of her (i can't remember her name i wish i did she deserves me to remember her name) and i am grateful that i can look at a pile of chicken bones and be okay

as far as psych ward experiences go mine was pretty much as positive as one could get and i'm so lucky and i'm so grateful but

it wasn't until way after my experience that i learned that other psych wards gave their patients fun grippy socks.

i never got grippy socks. and even worse than that.

i never got my fucking shoelaces back.

[quietly-by-myself]

Smoke, Salt, and Asbestos - Chapter 23

Thank you to @whumpsday for hiatus-busting this story. Shorter chapter.

CW: emotional whump, guilt

===

My notes are only the thoughts of one lone alchemist with a dream. I doubt that in my lifetime and lifetimes beyond me, my dream will ever come to fruition. In fact, I believe we will folly many times before we ever fall on the right path. Such is the march of science. Failure leads to success. Failure is necessary. However, we can only hope that we do not hurt others in the unending march forward and in our failures. That should be the alchemist's greatest priority: welcoming failure and minimizing the harm of it.

===

Silvanus knew that, as a mage, there was nothing he had to do alone. Relying on other people, even fae creatures much older and wiser than he was, had never been a strength of his. 

When it came to facing Maximillian, it was something that Silvanus felt he should do alone. He didn’t know how Maximillian was going to react. He knew the man to be rather vitriolic at times. If Maximillian did decide to dig into Briac for his own decisions, Silvanus would never forgive himself. Thus, he knew that he needed to face Maximillian down alone, even if it contradicted his nature as a mage and an alchemist.

The letter he’d received from Maximillian regarding a meeting place read only “meet me where I met you.”

He never knew Maximillian to be so curt. He was a man of few words, sure, but something about the tone of the letter just felt off to Silvanus.

Where had the two of them met?

It was a river. Silvanus remembered well the salty water of the river to the sea. How had he proved he had talent in alchemy? He’d transmuted the water to rid it of its salt, right? By making the salt crystalline. He remembered more clearly then.

Silvanus left a note for Briac explaining the situation. He didn’t have the heart to tell him face-to-face. Silvanus knew that Briac would understand, but it felt like another betrayal to go meet Maximillian without him.

Everything felt like the wrong thing to do. Silvanus hated it.

Fireflies danced around the river and the tall grass around it as he approached the stump where Maximillian sat in wait, just like he had that day.

“Finally decided to show your face, huh?”

Silvanus gulped, his heart beating out of his chest. “It’s been a busy few months.”

Maximillian scoffed. “Yeah, I bet you were super busy after abandoning your duties as Keeper.”

Silvanus hesitated for a long time, so long that Maximillian took the opportunity to speak. 

“What the hell were you thinking, Silvanus? Betraying the alchemists for a fae creature! He was meant to be one of your experiments, not make you into a mage.”

Silvanus’ eyes widened. “You know?”

“Everybody does! You and your fae creature are an anomaly. You were the Keeper, Silvanus. You were one of the most important alchemists. You weren’t even supposed to have the ability to become a mage, yet you are one. Tell me why, Silvanus. I need to hear it from you. Why did you squander all my hard work?”

Silvanus looked down, unable to meet Maximillian’s gaze. What was he supposed to say to that? What was he supposed to do?

“The First Keeper wouldn’t have wanted alchemists to behave this way.” Silvanus swallowed his fear, trying to replace it with determination. “She wanted us to be kind, not cruel. They tortured a traumatized faerie on a suspicion, Maximillian. He was so ridden with guilt that he could hardly think straight. He couldn’t understand why I was being kind to him. Do you really think that he could have plotted to overthrow or weaken anything? He’s a changeling!”

“And what, changelings can’t plot?”

“Not changelings that are recently realized without even so much of a hint of knowledge about how the fae world even works, Maximillian. You sound more like the villagers that kept him than the alchemist I knew.”

Maximillian glared at him from his place on the stump. The two of them exchanged a tense silence before Maximillian found his words.

“Kindness was always going to be your greatest weakness, Silvanus.” Maximillian took a heavy breath. “She wanted us to be kind, not foolish. Mages are not our friends. At least, not as they exist now.”

“And we will never find Magnum Opus as we are now. Cruel and insecure.”

“So, what the hell did you want? Just to start an argument with me about what a long-dead figurehead would have wanted?”

Silvanus growled a little at Maximillian’s disrespect. “I came here to ask to read her notes again. Valentina poisoned the Seelie Queen before her death. The Seelie King is ready to go to war to save her life. I’m trying to stop that from happening. Alchemist society would be destroyed, not to mention the world around us. I’ve seen how powerful they are. I met the Seelie King myself.”

Maximillian hesitated, carefully considering each word of what Silvanus had said. “Why would Valentina do something like that?”

“I imagine that she believed it was the Seelie, not the Tainted, that sent an assassin after her.”

Maximillian nodded, a bit hesitant. “And what do you hope to accomplish by reading her notes, Silvanus? Or should I call you Silas now?”

Silvanus held back a flinch. “I’m still Silvanus. I could never be Silas.” 

Silvanus scratched the back of his head. “A way to heal the Seelie Queen. A way to stop the war if it really is inevitable that she will die. Something, anything to hold our world together. I’m scared, Maximillian. Faeries are vengeful, especially old lovebirds like them. I have no doubt that he wouldn’t hesitate to bring ruin to anyone or anything responsible for her death.”

Maximillian looked at the river. “I cannot argue with that sentiment. The last time that the Seelie launched an attack, everything in their wake was decimated. I would hate to see the rage of the Seelie King if his lover died.”

“So, you’ll let me read her notes?”

Maximillian nodded reluctantly. “Maybe reading her words will bring you back to the alchemists. Maybe you’ll remember why you became Keeper in the first place.” Maximillian stood. “The Hall has been rather empty since you left. I didn’t realize how much life you brought into our world until you left.”

Maximillian motioned for Silvanus to follow him. “We have until dawn. Come on.” Maximillian sighed. “Alchemist society needs normalcy again. I think you’re the only one who could bring that about.”

—

Maximillian brought Silvanus down the stairs back into his lab. Silvanus had almost forgotten the smell of it. Immediately, his heart was warmed. He was home, even if it wouldn’t welcome him back again.

His heart sank as he looked at all the implements of his lab, completely untouched, yet not even covered in dust. Silvanus looked over to Maximillian, who dodged his gaze.

Guilt panged in his heart. Did he take care of this place?

Had Maximillian held onto the hope that he’d come back for so long? The idea made Silvanus’ heart hurt. He hated the idea of making anyone feel so awful, much less Maximillian, the one who’d taken him in and raised him for so many years.

“One of the guys was taking care of your lab. We thought for a while that you’d be coming back.”

Somehow, Silvanus thought it was a lie.

Maximillian quickly changed the subject. “I’ll go get her notes.”

As Maximillian left, Silvanus wandered around his old quarters. He hadn’t realized how much he missed the place. Everything felt comfortable and familiar, even if he knew he was unwelcome there.

Could he even call his quarters his home anymore? It felt like home. His heart knew that place as home. However, he was unwanted and unwelcome. Could home be somewhere like that?

As he went room-to-room, he kept coming back to his lab. It really had been more homely than his own bedroom. As he sat at the desk, he easily remembered the sleepless nights he’d spent there, hunched over something, or the nights where he just blacked out at his desk, sleeping on piles of papers.

How he missed when times were that simple.

He didn’t have much time to sit there and ponder. Maximillian returned shortly with the tome that formed the First Keeper’s notes.

“I’ll leave you to it.”

Silvanus nodded and turned on the light at his desk in the lab. Quietly, he cracked open the book and shut the door to the room.

He remembered the first time he’d gazed upon those pages in front of him. He’d been so excited to finally get to read the notes of the First Keeper. Now, it felt like a sort of privilege, but in a completely different way than back then. Now, it felt like he was a hostage, a vagabond getting one little glimpse of the fold he’d left behind.

His fingers brushed over the ancient, yellowed pages with symbols and words drawn in neat cursive. How Silvanus wished his notes could look so regal.

Focusing on the words was rather difficult, he found. However, when he finally could pay attention, his eyes landed on a certain line.

I am unable to gather much information, as few mages are willing to speak on their arts, but I find alchemy and magecraft similar enough to believe there may be more in common than we think.

Silvanus found it easy to focus after reading that. Line after line spoke volumes about the First Keeper.

We have much to learn from them, if only we could convince them to lend us an ear.

I’ve always wondered if it was possible for someone to be both a mage and an alchemist.

Then, finally.

As such, young Keeper, it is your job to keep the peace and move us all - mortal, mage, alchemist, and fae - towards a more peaceful world.

He remembered reading those lines as a young Keeper, but never took them very seriously. After all, back then, he was still grieving the loss of his ability to become a mage. Magecraft was suddenly a stupid art that alchemy would soon surpass.

Now, looking at her notes, Silvanus was quick to realize something.

He was both a mage and an alchemist. He had connections in both worlds. He was the one who could move both of the worlds forward.

Well, he and Briac.

Little Briac whose magic was the opposite of his.

Together, the two of them formed a pair of contradictions that should never have made sense. However, Silvanus soon realized that was what alchemists and mages needed. They’d been apart for too long. They thought they were opposites for too long. Like curses and restoration, magecraft and alchemy were two sides of the same coin.

He’d never betrayed the alchemists.

In fact, he was the First Keeper’s dream.

As Maximillian knocked on the door to retrieve her notes, Silvanus was filled with a renewed vigor. If anyone could stop the world from falling apart because of the Seelie King, it was him and Briac.

===

Tags: @hold-him-down, @pumpkin-spice-whump, @thegreatwhodini, @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @nicolepascaline, @i-can-even-burn-salad, @whumpsday, @myhusbandsasemni, @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @batfacedliar-yetagain, @albino-whumpee, @whither-wander-whump

[sideblogformindtrash]

Cw: death of an infant; death of several background characters; arson;  slavery; emeto (just a mention); ;

@whump-blog

Lemon and rosemary tea. 

It had been what, a decade or so? And still she remembered what was their favorite. She really remembered all of them. Even from back in the day, in her own world, when she used to be a therapist. 

She had this decorated tea box, filled with several flavors. Hello, come inside. Would you like some tea?, she would ask her clients, welcoming them into the sessions. A cup of warm tea before opening yourself up, and exploring dark places. 

And sometimes, they’d just cancel an appointment one day, and then stop coming all together, and she’d lose track of them. 

Just like Raine. She was still surprised they had accepted the invite, now they were sitting on the large armchair, swinging their feet, a childlike smile on their lips. “Thank youuuu~” they picked up the tea, cupping it with both hands. They wanted the warmth more than the tea.

She smiled back, even if she thought the smile was fake. In a way, she was still proud of them and how far they had come. Even if she didn’t agree with all they did to build their empire.

Still, they had come a long way.

-

When the Patchwork City ate that world, it was already on fire. They had been sent to scout the newly indexed part of the city for survivors, and to contain the flames before they spread.

Living in that city, she had seen many terrible things, but back then, she had just joined the Welcoming Committee, and she still hadn’t grown a skin as thick as she had now. So, while the rest of the team went straight to work… She crumbled.

The sour smell of smoke of wood and flesh and blood burning up all together, as the village was consumed was too much. It would have been terrible if accompanied by screams and cries but…

It was dead quiet, if not for the cracks and pops of the fire and wood. 

She stumbled through the scenery, until she fell on her knees and threw up, her fur getting stained with mud, ash and the blood of those creatures. Several fluffy wooly lamb people, adults and children alike, gruesomely slaughtered. Lightless eyes glazed over, lost forever. A whole decade later, they still showed up in her dreams every night. 

A single survivor was found.

They were kneeling on the dirty trail that led to the biggest building in the village, which later would know was the church. Despite being alive, their eyes were just as lightless as those of the corpses, uncaring to the burning village behind them but transfixed on the church itself, awed as the flames consumed it whole. 

They were naked, and carried many wounds that spoke not of a fire, but torture. They also carried a tiny, dead thing in their arms. With a chubby little face, wooly hair and tiny horns, and eyes that were shut forever. 

Lamb didn’t talk.

They squeaked and cried and whined. They fought when they had to take the little corpse away. But they didn’t say a word.

She’d later find out they were never taught how to, their vocabulary limited to a couple words. ‘Water. Food. Please. No. Sorry’. 

After months of building up trust… It was her who taught them how to speak. Despite it all, they were an eager learner, devouring those words with starving hunger for them. 

Even afterwards, they couldn’t say much of what happened to the village. They were always a secret buried deep beneath it, in the church’s catacombs, never a part of it. 

That’s also when she learned of their powers.

Hide them, she told them. She didn’t want to see them made into a pawn for the Central City, like so many others before.

-

Now, she wondered what would have happened if she had been loyal and recruited them as they should. 

Now, here they were, draped in the best fabric the city had, smiling while tracing the borders of the cup, with far too much baggage and leading thousands of citizens. 

She was happy they still considered her enough to show up.

“I missed you, Lamb” She admits.

“You could come visit me” They reply “You’d always be most welcome”

She smiles back. She doesn’t think she really could without having her superiors on her ass about it. 

“You are too,” She replies.

“Yeah?” he turns his head to the side just slightly, and there's a scrambling sound back in the hallway. Both of them are pretending Crow isn’t spying on them right this second, but the wounds make him far too clumsy to be discreet about it “Good to know”

She shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry about that. And about him invading your castle…”

“It 's okay. I get it” they smile towards the hallway, although Crow’s head is no longer visible on the edge of the wall “I quite like him, actually. Despite how much of a pain he is”

They swing their legs, take the shoes off, and lean against the couch, taking a sip of the tea.

“So, you wanted to borrow some of my forces, right?” He smiles, blinking slowly “This is not just about some Plague Doctors is it?”

“Hm” She stares down at the cup on her paws. Hard to lie to them, these days “No, of course not. But you’ve noticed too… the attacks have been a lot more frequent. Something has agitated the monsters. And the Central City refuses to let me increase the team”

They nod, the smile faltering for the first time and just… Letting them look as tired as they truly feel. 

“It’s been a pain. I’ve lost so many people to keep the barrage safe lately” they sip on the tea “But I don’t see much of what we can do about it other than… resist”

“We might have a better chance together,” She replies. 

“Maybe. It 's been decades. We still don’t know what we are fighting against” they shrug, pretending this doesn’t bother them

She shakes her head. Sometimes, she feels like the city itself is a monster, and they simply live in its stomach, with all the other erased parts of worlds. She wonders if they miss her back home. If she’s in a missing person’s list, or If… she was just erased like she was never there, along with all the others that came with her.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: The Least Sexy Photoshoot

What happened to the news this week?  I had next to no spoons and RL ate them all.  I did tons of prep, but My eyelids keep twitching and my body has been enforcing a lot of bed rest, which at least means, I read all but one of the ILLs.

Monday: Luckily I was reminded it was President's Day Sunday night so I rested instead of forcing myself out of bed only to discover my errands were fruitless.  The Empress Declared Livia Love Day, which is an important holiday in our household, and mostly consists of hanging out peaceably in a group and lots and lots of Livia Loves.  Tavy's been having nightmares again, but is not taking it out on everyone and is responding to my attempts to comfort him above average well.  Livia love Day ended up extended to Livia Love Week.

Tuesday: I burned all the spoons on taxes and small errands. (Library, Pharmacy, OTC Pharmacy, the tail ends of OTC grocery and EBT at the store that takes both.)  When I say all the spoons, I mean, I barely managed to eat and lung before having to go straight to bed.  NOTE: I have no taxable income, but I always file a tax return to prevent identity theft and so I have a tax return if I need it for bureaucracy.  I need to present it to someone most years.

Wednesday: It had been early spring weather here for a couple of weeks, but we caught the edge of the really nasty cold front messing things up further south.  So strong icy cold wind, sporadic flurries that didn't stick.  This far North, it gets cold fast after dark.  I talked them into not increasing my dose on account of hives last week.  This proved clever of me because I clearly couldn't handle a bigger immune response than I got.

Head Millennial and I where both exhausted by the cold, and I cut errands and Head Millennial's work load to a bare minimum.  The roads were icy when I took them home and I'm very glad they didn't stay later.

Thursday: Mostly bed rest. I normally would have stayed up for early morning rheumatologist torture session, but my body vetoed and I took the five hour nap instead.  I woke earlier than intended, and lay in bed doing Peaceable Kingdom with the cats, who were NOT Pleased, when I had to dislodge them at what they consider sleep time to dress and lung so as to be ready for medical transport.

Friday: Medical transport turned out to be a mom and Pop company this time instead of Yellow Cab or the other one it usually is.  It is a long drive over the mountain Pass and down to the next major population center to the south, where my appointment was.  The driver was a charming lady who's family emigrated here after the war.  She'd had an arranged marriage, which she escaped, and from which she has three kids.  She came back home to this area, fell in love with and married a divorced man with kinds from a different language group who sounds wonderful and this is their company.  I was utterly charmed by them and I hope I get them next time and not the guy who took me home form an appointment Wednesday a week and a half ago who spent the ride prosthelatizing about the masculinity courses that are his side gig.  (Luckily, he wasn't MRA.  It was a weird cis straight white male liberal type thing, not quite Boomer bullshit, but some sort of hybrid Xer thing, with one foot in the Boomer White liberal camp and one foot in a more modern world view.)  Seriously, I was much later finishing than even my leave lots of room for extra testing estimate do to massive demand and not enough phlebotomists, and they were super cool about it.  He called her back to check in as a result and you could tell how much in love they were right through the language barrier and the way she talked about him....  I was just so happy for her living her best life in the place she loves best.

So here is the deal with rheumatology and me.  Poverty clinic used to get in a rheumatologist once a month from Seattle, but they were seldom the same more than twice for me.  Which meant that every time I'd have to prove to the new rheumatologist that the last one wasn't full of shit and I wasn't faking.  No one liked anyone's diagnosis, so I'd have to do the tests all over again.  I'd see them once more and they'd agree that I did have AS (or occasionally a different arthritis), and set up a treatment plan.  Next time I'd have to start over.  This was during the documenting my disability for Social Security/Medicare phase and for a while after.  The upside was a massive file my lawyer could take to the appeal hearing with a wide array of x-rays, MRIs, and assorted fancier things carefully detailing my degeneration with circled damage that even a law person could look at and go "Yeah.  That's not right."  

Eventually, the damage reached the point where enough was visible through my skin to the naked eye and I stopped having to prove I was in pain.  It was at this point the rheumatologists started to debate AS or something else in earnest.  Seattle stopped sending Saturday Rheumatologists and a clinic that took Medicare became available.  I had the same rheum for more than a year.  We did a fuckton of way fancier tests including a really in depth scan of my spine to see if the surgical option made sense.  It didn't.  We futzed with medication for a bit.  Biologics are no good, it turns out, thanks to CF Carrier.  My GP took over refills.  That rheumatologist went out of the saga.

Right before the pandemic we were just starting a new round of lets check in with specialists about assorted stuff and the every five years or so map the decline cycle, that ended abruptly in February 2020.  Rheum was on the list, but it got but aside.  When we got ready to try again there was a ton of drama with the only local rheum taking medicare and it was impossible to get in anyway, hence my journey south.  Squirrel and my experience with Medical care in Vernon is excellent and I'll take their hospital over ours in a heartbeat, and after dealing with asshole receptionist at the local was was happy to give it a whirl down there.  

They were all delightful at the New Rheum.  new Rheum's theory is hyper-mobility + Osteo instead of AS, which we are testing.  (I'm not classic hyper-flexible.  No joints that bend backward, but the field is moving forward a lot and they are starting to consider people in my category as hyper-flexible too.  I am stiff as fuck due to arthritis these days, but I was rather famously flexible in my youth.  Like people would gather around to watch me stretch out and make comments.)  I signed releases so she can get my massive fucking file of scans and tests.  

The building had an imaging and blood testing center (Also a full surgical center and who knows what else).  X-ray was a significantly shorter wait than the x-rays took.  X-ray techs were delightful.  Unfortunately we were doing skull to tailbone is small sections with lots of angles to get all the joints, most of it standing up.  I expected this.  It was still a nightmare.

While I was being posed for yet another series of what I was thinking of as the least sexy photo-shoot ever, I found myself thinking that Harrowhawk Nonegismus likely wouldn't agree if I'd been a woman...

The wait for the phlebotomist took as long as the rheum +x-ray plus their wait times put together at minimum.  I was exhausted, in pain, and in an uncomfortable chair near the door where the arctic blast would hit me every time they opened.  On the upside my history of early modern English sodomy turned out to be really riveting in a way a lot of academic writing in this area isn't.  Wow!  Seriously wow!  Scholarship has come a long way in recent years.  a bunch of things in there should really be movies.

I am wrung out and in pain and my eyelids are twitching again, but miles to go before I sleep.  Sigh.

On the upside, bills are now paid.  Thank you to everyone kicking in.  Housing bill is soon.  Fingers crossed on no more emergencies.