#she doesn't know why femininity makes me uncomfortable and she just wanted me to have fun and blend in with the girls. i get it it's okie

[non-un-topo]

Going to attempt to find a suit jacket in one day (teenage boy size because I am wee)

[autolenaphilia]

Edit: as hoshi9zoe pointed out, the original version of this post needlessly berated other transfems like Jennifer Coates, for which I do apologize, and I have toned it down in this edited version. The original version survives in reblogs.

Some months ago, I was searching through this transandrobro blog to see if they posted a callout of me, and i found this reblog, which I couldn't really write about for months, because what do I even write. I recently wayback machined it for posterity, and I guess this is my attempt to write a post about it.

It's saint-dyke himself, the coiner of transandrophobia, saying that the infamous (at least for me) article "I am a transwoman. I'm in the closet. I'm not coming out" is what made him coin the fucking word. It's literally bolded and underlined: "Reading this article is what made me coin “transandrophobia”.

The reason I put off writing this post is that reading that article makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. And it is poison, make no mistake, it's internalized transmisogyny brainworms dripping out of the writer's brain and onto the page.

It's a justification for why the author, known by pseudonym Jennifer Coates, doesn't want to transition, despite knowing she is a trans woman. And it's the exact kind of internalized transmisogyny that keeps trans women in repression and not transitioning. "I'm not going to pass, i'm forever going to be an ugly freak who will at best be humored by other women, the closet is uncomfortable but at least it's safe"

It's the same exact bullshit a lot of represssed trans women tell themselves because it's what society tells us about trans women, that we are freakish parodies of women, that we will never pass, and if we don't pass we have failed and are ugly freaks. It's all to scare us into staying in the closet and make others hate and fear us. Transmisogyny permeates our society, and the majority, maybe all transfems will absorb and internalize some of it.

Coates says that it all is just applicable to her, but again so many transfems believe this shit before transitioning and realizing it's a pack of lies. If this bullshit was in any way valid, a lot of trans women shouldn't transition, because before we actually transition many of us believe it word for word. And "it's only true for me" is how we justify it to ourselves. We tend to be way harsher on ourselves than others. This kind of self-hating transfem tends to think: "Other trans women are beautiful graceful goddesses, earthly manifestations of the divine feminine, always destined to be women, while I'm an ugly forever male ogre who just has a fetish."

It's all bullshit, it's poison, it's internalized transmisogyny.

And the rest of the article is bullshit too. It is not some insightful mediation on gender as some people say, it's the author confusing and mixing up actual transmisogyny with an imagined problem of misandry. She does this because she has gone full repression mode, and decided she has no other choice to live as a man, so her dysphoria and experiences of transmisogyny are actually men's problems.

It's a bad article, excusable because as Coatas points out, it's "essentially a diary entry." that was meant to be a way to "vent frustration" and she "did not intend for anyone else to actually read it." It is clearly not the product of a healthy mind.

I hope the author sometime in the past seven years eventually did transition, and that for whatever reason she didn't want to publicly repudiate her own article. Maybe she lost access to the medium account so she can't delete it.

Far worse than the article itself is the response to it. I've seen it passed around as some insightful commentary on gender by the "feminists are too mean to men, misandry is real" crowd. I have argued against this before. And other people have made insightful comments about it.

And learning that saint-dyke claiming that he was inspired to coin the word "transandrophobia" because of this article is the cherry on top of this shitcake of transmisogyny. For my thoughts on "transandrophobia" theory and how transmisogynistic it is, see here.

Of course, Saint-dyke absolutely could be bullshitting here. Claiming that Coates's article is what inspired him to coin the word might be a lie to claim that transandrophobia theory is not transmisogynistic because it came from listening to trans women.

This is why "listen to trans women" doesn't work. Because TME people will always choose a trans woman who confirms their prejudices. Blair White has made an entire career out of this. And Coates article is popular because it says that misandry is real and trans women's issues are partly caused by it, misgendering herself and other trans women.

And it's popular for another reason. Coates has thoroughly internalized transmisogyny, and thus her article presents a trans woman that is exactly as transmisogynistic patriarchal society wants her to be. She is suffering, but ultimately accepts her assigned role. She truly believes that her biological sex dooms her to forever be male. She literally "manages her dysphoria by means other than transition" as conversion therapy advocates want us to do. She never makes an social claim on womanhood by actually transitioning, so she doesn't invade the sacred women's spaces. Yet she performs the role of woman perfectly by serving men, by defending them from supposed feminist misandry. And she fulfils the ritualistic role that the rhetorical figure of "trans women" sometimes serves in progressive spaces, of giving a blessing to TME people's pre-existing views and actions, all while actual flesh-and-blood trans women are destroyed by those same deeply transmisogynistic spaces. This time it's a blessing for the same "misandry is real" soft-MRA bullshit that has infested the online left and created the transandrophobia crowd.

That is why this article and the positive response makes me sick, makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. This is what its fans want trans women to be like. I'm acutely aware this kind of self-denial is exactly what transmisogyny wants from me and tried to indoctrinate me into doing it. And I want none of it. I want to live, I want to be a woman.

[rogueddie]

A gay bar is the last place Steve ever thought he'd be, yet here he sits.

He keeps looking over to Robin- not too much, just enough to keep an eye on her. Make sure she's still having fun. Although, he's sure he doesn't need to be worrying.

The girl who'd caught Robins eye is small, feminine. She looks like a sweetheart and she keeps getting Robin flustered. They're cute together, clearly into eachother, and Steve couldn't be happier.

Even sat alone, feeling completely out of place and a little uncomfortable, seeing Robin able to flirt with someone so openly is… he just feels relieved.

He should have thought to bring her here sooner.

"Hey there." The man smiles when Steve flinches. It's a soft smile, kind. "You wanna dance?"

"Oh, uh, I don't- I mean, uh-"

"Woah, don't panic. It's just a dance, right? You look uncomfortable is all and seeing you sat alone with your big fucking puppy dog eyes is just sad." He gently nudges Steves chin up when he tries to look down, feeling awkward. His finger lingers a little, brushing along his jaw. "You don't wanna have a fun night out? I won't be offended if you say no."

And, ok, Steve's a little tipsy. He's sure he'd never agree if he were sober- it wouldn't have felt fair. The guy is clearly attracted to him, not even trying to hide the way he's eyeing him.

But Steve's buzz is more annoying than pleasant and dancing does sound fun. So he agrees, accepts the hand offered and lets the guy pull him into the crowd.

The guy keeps his distance. Anytime the crowd jolts Steve toward him, he steps back the same amount, keeping a solid foot between them. But he's grinning, yelling jokes over the music, unabashedly dancing like an idiot.

It's great, it's fun. Steve can't stop grinning, stomach starting to ache with how much he's been laughing.

Eventually, a slower song comes on, stronger sexual undertones. The guy (Eddie, he'd leant in to tell Steve when asked, explaining that he knew Steve because they used to be in the same year as in Hawkins) shrugs, pulling an exaggerated face that screams 'what-can-you-do'. He's turning away.

But Steve grabs his wrist, Eddie looking back with raised eyebrows.

"This alright then, pretty boy?" He asks after stepping in close. His hands rest low on his hips.

Steve nods, flushing. He automatically puts his hands on his shoulders, letting Eddie lead him through a weirdly intimate sort of slow dance. And Steve is suprised to find himself… into it? He's not sure.

He feels less tipsy, so he can't blame the easy blushes or the way his stomach flips on the alcohol. There's no excuse for how he's started looking at Eddie either, paying a little too much attention to the way he moves, how his hands feel when they slowly start to wonder.

He gently brushes Eddies hair out the way without thinking, tucking it behind his ear so he can see the tattoo on his neck. Eddie tilts his head slightly, baring his neck a little more. When he glances up, Eddie is watching him, curiously.

"Hate to sound pressumptious," he drawls, taking a small step forward so their chests are pressed together, "but it feels like you're making moves on me, big boy."

"What if I am? What happens then?"

"Maybe I'd ask if you're sober enough to drive or if we need to call a cab." He leans back a little when Steve moves to kiss him. He hums, smirking. "Or maybe I'd ask for your number. I'm a classy lady, Harrington; what if I don't put out on the first date?"

"I've never said no to a challange."

Eddie barks out a laugh, loud enough to startle some of the people swaying beside them. "As if."

"What? You're like... pretty."

"Pretty," he repeats, rolling his eyes. "People know I'm a fag, Steve. Even being seen with me like we're 'just friends' would fucking ruin you."

"Your point?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Wanna put money on that?"

Eddie eyes him for a second, his derision melting into curiosity. "You want to make a bet on whether you'll date me or not?"

"Why not? One of us wins money in a bet, we both score a date, and-"

"I thought you were straight."

"Yeah, me too. But I don't think straight guys think about you like I am, right now."

Eddie steps back, considering. It's a long, tense, moment before he finally sticks his hand out. Steve quickly shakes his hand, grinning.

"You've got yourself a deal."

[yarrayora]

Idk how to explain properly, but I’m a really big fan of the dynamic you portray between Marcille and Falin. I’ve always loved . idk how to say.. divorce? trouble-in-paradise? arcs/portrayals that look at problems in otp, and yours is super interesting. Sorry if this is weird just wanted to say :)

not weird at all! im flattered, thanks!

i wasnt really into farcille at first, mostly i was just impressed an f/f ship managed to be the fandom's no1, basically proving that when two female characters in a mostly male dominated cast are allowed to bond with each others and be their own characters people will latch on to them

mostly though aro touden siblings is still my no1 and even back then i didnt care about shipping because any type of romantic relationship in dunmeshi is less interesting than the potential of political intrigue the worldbuilding set up (yes, even chilchuck's failing marriage is less interesting to me than how living in the dungeon was safer for the orcs than being neighbors to human civilization) (shocking, i know)

but it all changed when i saw the daydream hour about marcille thinking falin looks cute in feminine clothing while falin herself is obviously uncomfortable with it

i can't sleep. i have to think about this. i have to think about how it's their first love and their first relationship and one is going in blind while the other set up her expectations based on a harlequin romance novel. they are NOT in the same wavelength at all and neither of them are particularly good at communicating their intention, with falin who grew up a convenient kid because she thought it was the least she could do for her family and marcille who frankly speaking was used to being treated as someone superior back at the magic school

thank god kabru exists because who else is going to give them a real advice for their very real relationship? chilchuck will be like "okay just break up" while not seeing the mirror to his own relationship with his runaway wife. senshi, wise as he is, is never in a romantic relationship. laios would be like :((( you guys are fighting? and gets stressed out on his own which makes it even more stressful to the girls. namari is like. "i, uh, please talk to kabru."

anyway theres also the bonus comic about falin inviting marcille to watch daltian clan's opera adaptation and while there is something to say about marcille thinking the humans playing elves doesn't fit her aesthetic (and the difference of societal expectations of dressing up as a different race in dunmeshi universe compared to in ours) all i can think of is that in modern day au where daltian clan has a movie adaptation marcille has a tumblr blog where she posts Hate on the daltian clan movie tag and calling it criticism which it is but also not the place, girl, go to rotten tomatoes for that

falin also has a tumblr and she and marcille had no idea the other is a tumblr user. falin made a post like "just watched daltian clan with my gf i get why shes really obsessed with it now" and marcille, against her better judgement replies to the post like "really sorry that you were misled by your girlfriend like that, you should read the novels instead, it's way better."

laios who sees falin looking shocked at her phone asks whats up and then after receiving the answer says "wow sounds like a real jerk! just block them"

anyway thats my modern day farcille when there's no high fantasy problems involved

[freestyle-crocodile-trashpile]

Love?

[A/N:ngl guys, I'm still on episode 12]

Summary:Yuji asked you on a date! Yet you can't wrap your head around why he would

Type:Scenario:Angst:Yuji Itadori X Ftm!reader

Version:JJk

⚠️WARNING! Mentions of depression, anxiety, and eating disorder!⚠️

~

"Hey! Y/n, um...what if, we, go out? Like a date! Just the two of us?"

Those words repeat in your mind over and over, blankly staring at the mirror as his words repeat again. Yuji Itadori, a boy at your school, the same boy you like, the same boy who you admired, and stared at, and was happy around, and...the boy who asked you out. But why? Your poor mind couldn't figure out why. He didn't like you, he's never even looked at you. It's a setup. He wouldn't like you. You're just some boy, but can you truly be called a boy? Of course, you see yourself as a boy! But does Itadori? Does he know he's asking out a boy? You're not one of those pretty girls. you're not the skinny blonde with large assets. You're not the girl he has as his background, or the girl he talks to, or the girl he listens to every day.

Staring at a mirror doesn't help.

Your eyes land on your mother's makeup, your eyes go to the sink than to yourself again.

"He...he thinks I'm a girl...he wants a girl..."

Your hands grab the makeup and carefully put it on. Your sister has taught you, to make you more of a woman. To feel like a girl. Your hands shake as the coldness of the makeup touches your face. After a while it's done. You don't like it.

"..."

Your silence makes your mind swirl, why did you have to be feminine for him?

He only sees you as a girl.

You slowly walk to your room, you need a dress. Your closest was empty, filled with nothing but a single outfit. Your school uniform. Looking behind you, the pile of clothes mocks you, the face laughing at your struggles. Even when you leave the room, you can hear its mockery. Your sister has clothes.

Your head peeks into her empty room. She's out for collage. She won't mind. Your hands shake once more as they search her outfit, pulling out a black dress, and you instantly put it back. To revealing. Then, a dress that was a cute brown one, it was perfect! Once it was one you patted it down, making sure it fit before standing in the middle of the room. It felt disgusting to wear.

"Its cold outside...

You walked to her dresser, getting some legging and picking one of her flat black shoes. Your hands grasped the dress as you made eye contact with yourself in her mirror. That wasn't you...you weren't a girl. Would Itadori like it? Would he hate it? What if he did see you as a boy? Would he be disappointed and not want to go out anymore?

"..."

Your eyes trail down to your chest, suddenly feeling uncomfortable at the sight of your own body. Why...Why did you have them? It was unnecessary, men don't have breasts, why did you?

"...he'll be here soon"

You walked out of your sisters room and back to yours, your phone was ringing.

"Hello?"

It was Itadori.

"Yeah...I'll be out in a second,"

You stood there for a moment, staring at your messy bed. Where you ready? With a shaky sigh you walked outside. Itadori was at the door. He stared at you for a moment, looking you up and down with a blank expression.

You eyed him nervously, did he not likeit? Should you change? He didn't like it. He didn't see you as a girl. No like this. You miss read him, he doesn't like it. He doesn't like the dress. He doesn't like the make up. He doesn't like you.

"You look nice, here, these are for you."

What?

Flowers. A beautiful bouquet of colorful flowers. Your eyes widened, the sun shining perfectly into your eyes to make them shine. Itadori smiled.

"For...me?"

You breath hitched, reaching out to grab the flowers. A small smile spreads on your face as you hold them.

"I...I think I have a vase? Yeah, you can come inside and wait while I get it."

Itadori followed you inside, looking around happily. As you got a vase, Itadori saw your room, eyes narrowing slightly as he peeked inside. He noticed the pills, and his eyes widened. Was that yours? You froze as you saw him looking at the mess that you call yours. A small cough got his attention.

"That...that's my sister's room, she's at collage right now, so is...a mess"

Itadori nodded, closing the door and smiling at you.

"Oh, what's her major?"

You can't remember. She didn't tell you. No one told you anything. Your eyes moved to her 'room' thinking before looking back at him.

"...Um...art."

Itadori nodded, glancing at the door before gesturing back at the front door. You gave him a smile back and walked out. Did he believe it? Did he think your a lair? Does he like you? No. He's just mocking you.

"How do you feel about horror? There's a new horror movie that came out and I've been dying to see it!"

He looked over at you. His smile so bright it looked fake. Yet he looked so excited to see this movie, just like when you agreed to go out with him. Or when he talked to one of his friends.

"Yeah...that's fine,"

He looked so happy. How does he do it? You leaned back in the seat, staring down at your hands. With a shaky sigh, you tugged the dress down, looking out the window to not remind yourself that he only saw you as a girl. The drive was quiet. He didn't even turn on music! Weird...

The theaters was big, you weren't use to it. Walking behind him slowly you wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly moving them away when your fingers touch the ribs along your skin, a silent reminder. Itadori grasped your hand, pulling you into the theater gently. His hands were so warm.

"Your cold, do you want my jacket? It's kinda chilly"

Itadori tugged your hand into his pocket after a moment of silence, giving you a small smile as he caressed your knuckles with his thumb. Your eyes stayed on his feet, matching his steps so you don't stumble into him. He kept you grounded. Even if that meant having to watch him walk for you to walk. When he stopped and got some popcorn you denied, he liked confused before his face lit up.

"Oh! Do you wanna be like one of those cute couples that share a drink and popcorn?"

No. That's not it. But he seemed so happy at the though he giggled and tugged you along after giving you the drink. He must be happy to not have to spend more money on you. You followed behind him with hurried steps, he was so fast it made your calves ache. Your mind suddenly zoned in on the feeling of his hand, it was bigger, stronger, healthier...it felt wrong to hold it. Shouldn't he be holding someone else's hand? Someone...healthier? Someone who didn't lie to him? Someone who was a true girl...

"..."

Itadori pulled you into the middle row of the seat, going on and on about the movie and how the seats were perfect. He was so happy. He was happy because he can finally watch the movie. Not you. He'd be happier if he was on a date with a pretty girl, of the girl he stares at, the girl who's on his background, the girl he'd talk about, the girl who's music ge listens to. A girl. He'd be happier with a girl.

"..."

Your body turned to the screen, watching it go by as if he was just a flap book. Your eyes looked down to your legs, your body suddenly getting hot and your breath picking up. Itadori was silent, only the sounds of him eating popcorn could be heard. You slowly stood up.

"I'm going to the bathroom..."

Your voice shook and trembled. Itadori gave you a thumbs up. Your feet almost tripped over each other as you rushed to the bathroom. Your body practically slammed into the bathroom. Your body slammed against the door, staring at yourself in the mirror. Suddenly, everything freezes. Your eyes shake as you stare at yourself, slowly pushing yourself off the door and walking towards the mirror. The longer you stared, the more your breathing picked up. Time seemed to freeze as a tear ran down your cheek.

"..."

Your hand reached up, wiping away the tear as you turned around.

"Itadori...he's waiting for me"

Your turned around and left the bathroom, not looking at the people you wake by. When you sat next to Itadori he looked over at you shocked. Panic filled you again as he stared at you.

"I thought you left me, glad you came back"

Your heart sank, had he noticed? Had he cared? He didn't care, he was just making you feel bad.

"Sorry, Itadori...I...I had some stomach problems"

Itadori giggled, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, tugging you close.

"Call me, Yuji."

He gave you a large smile that seemed to clear your mind from doubts. Cleaning it out. With a slow nod you smiled, hesitantly leaning into his touch.

"Yuji..."

He glanced at you with a smile. The movie went by quickly, but your mind was occupied with Yujis touch. It filled you with euphoria. You can enjoy this.

When the movie ended, your heart sank. It meant you'd have to go home to go away from Yuji once more. He drove you home, chatting the whole way there. He wouldn't stop. He was so happy. You couldn't help the adoring look on your face as you listened to him. The small on your face felt foreign. It's been so long that your face ached for another smile. Yuji was quiet as he pulled into your drive way, looking over at you.

"We should do this again some time, I feel like there's so much more to you. Your a mystery to me,"

Was that a problem? Should you have been more open? The worry on your face much have been noticable as he suddenly looked panicked and his hands flew up.

"I-I love mysteries! That's what I do!"

Your let out a small sigh of relief, giving him an awkward smile.

"Oh...right,"

You could see how Yuji felt bad, he bit his cheeks, you could see it. He rubbed his face, thinking for a moment before looking down.

"sorry...I didn't mean to upset you,"

Your eyes widened, gulped quietly as you nodded. Keeping your hands in your lap. He looked at you again, giving a small smile. You got out of the car, walking around. Before you got to your steps he peeked his head out of the window.

"Hey! If...if you do think we can do another date could I...possibly get a kiss?"

The look on your face made him wave his hands again out of panic.

"L-Like on the cheek! Nothing to much..."

Really? He wanted a kiss from you? No, he just wanted to be able to tell his friends he had a kiss. Walking over to him you hesitanted before leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. He stared at you, face growing bright red before he smiled brightly and returned the kiss. It was your turn to blush as his lips brushed against yours, he didn't seem to notice he kissed your mouth instead of your cheek. Right? He wouldn't want to kiss you. Gulping you gave a small smile and stepped away. Your hands shook as you unlocked your front door.

"...maybe...maybe he does like me"

Maybe you just missed he glances he gave you, maybe you just missed when he'd look over to see if your looking, maybe you missed when he'd stare as you walked by. Maybe...maybe he did like you, maybe he truly sees you as boy.

"..."

That's foolish.

~

[A/n:Juicy was my background sound to this. I don't know what possed me to write this. I hope you enjoyed]

[struggling-with-drivers]

Turns out I have more brainrot thoughts

In which Lando tries to get over Carlos by getting Oscar, and Oscar is having none of it.

London 2020, boy and boy broke up, it's two a penny, and Lando is so over Carlos.

It's been nearly 3 years and Lando is doing perfectly fine, it's not like they were ever really dating. It was just sex and empty promises, and Carlos's sexy accent and his hair. And Lando needs to get a serious grip on reality because he is so over it.

Lando are even friends with Carlos, enough that Carlos introduced him to his new girl. She's pretty, feminine and able to kiss Carlos whenever she wants, wherever she wants. No hiding away in hotel rooms or Carlos telling Lando to get out before the dawn breaks.

In fact, Lando is so over Carlos he even chatted to the girl, although he never bothered to remember anything she told him. He doesn't even know her name, and when Carlos asked what Lando thought of her.

He had said "She seems nice" and that was it.

Lando was a bad partner, Carlos told him so, the least he can do is be a good friend. So he smiles and laughs, and says all the right things when Carlos and his new girl is around.

A growing resentment sprouting in his lungs as he has to watch the scene in front of him.

"You good mate?" Oscar asks.

"Huh yeah- wait when did you get here?" Lando spins his head to look at Oscar, a light blush dusted on his cheeks under the green lights of the club.

"Been here all night, you asked me to come with you, remember?"

"Yeah, guess I did." Lando gives a clumsy smile at Oscar's worried face. His teammate does have some pretty eyes, and the accent is nicer than Daniel's. That brief rebound situationship did nothing good for either of them.

"Wanna get out of her?" Lando settles on instead, totally normal to ask, yeah, Oscar is a good solution.

"Sure?" He sounds confused at the sudden change of Lando's attitude, yet indulges the Brit as he drags him outside the club and into a taxa.

Lando can feel Oscar's eyes on him, as he spouts out the coordinates for their hotel.

"Wanna come in?"

Oscar follows him no questions asked, maybe in hindsight Lando should have asked some himself. But he didn't, and now he has Oscar cornered up against the door, his mouth on the younger man's neck.

A light push to his shoulders makes him stop, looking up at Oscar, uncomfortableness is written all over his face, and fuck, Lando fucked it all up.

"Listen- you're drunk." Oscar tells him, like Lando doesn't already know that. "Lando you're drunk." The aussie repeats like that explains anything.

Oscar clears his throat to settle the silence that Lando's big questioning eyes comes with. "I know what happened with Carlos and Dani- I'm not- Lando you're drunk."

Oscar pushes him lightly towards the bed instead, and Lando has to watch as Oscar scrambles out of his room.

Fuck, Oscar thinks he's some serial teammate fucker now. Well he is, but Oscar doesn't, shouldn't, know that. Oscar should look at him with those brown eyes filled with wonder, and make him forget about Carlos and fuck- Lando is so not over Carlos.

-

When Lando finally gets over Carlos. He doesn't understand why Oscar doesn't want him when literally everyone is saying Oscar wants him.

Because Oscar feels used everytime Lando is giving him attention, just using him to get over Carlos (like he already tried to) and Oscar doesn't want to be hurt. Lando is worth a lot, but Oscar has enough dignity to not hand over his heart only for it to be stomped on.

Carlos is a dick, and Lando can finally recognise that, like Carlos has moment of small good sides, but overall he's a dick and was very much using Lando when they were together, stringing him along and then dumping him when Lando wasn't useful anymore. And now Lando has no idea what a healthy relationship is, so he's trying to reflect what happened between him and Carlos back at Oscar.

Except Oscar isn't a lovestruck fool in the same way Lando was. Well he's still lovestruck and a fool. He has just been one for long enough that he knows he deserves more than scraps and whatever Lando is trying to pull.

[nychthemeron-rants]

Butch Chilchuck AU Pt2

(Pt. 1)

As I mentioned in my previous post, the only real difference in this AU is that Chilchuck is a butch woman who uses he/him pronouns instead of a man.

No one in the main party knew he was a woman because he couldn’t be bothered to correct their assumptions about his gender when he’s busy trying to be treated as an adult.

He revealed that he was a woman after the bicorn when Marcille accuses him of keeping more secrets. “Its not a secret but I guess I should clarify that I'm a woman since I don't think any of you have caught on yet.” type thing. Cue everyone's shock, especially Marcille.

Since there's been at least one woman in the party who's been uncomfortable with Chilchuck bathing with other women (because they think he’s a man), and he's doesn't give enough of a shit to argue, he’s been bathing with the men instead (because again, he simply doesn’t give a shit)

Senshi thought he was trans (though I'm not sure he knows about trans people as like an actual identity, he just saw him bathing with the men and being treated as male and ran with it. Thats Chil's business after all.)

Laios just thought half-foots had internal “equipment” until it was needed. Wanted to ask about it but even he has the social grace to not question co-workers about that.

Shuro fully suspected Chilchuck was a woman but was too awkward to say anything

Namari knew almost immediately and has been the only one in the party to fully understand whats up with Chilchuck because she was respectful and understanding. (Plus they're drinking buddies)

Falin thought he was a man but also didn't really give a shit when he tried bathing with the other women. It was the marriage seeker who threw a fit before Marcille.

Post reveal, Marcille is just pissed he didn't say anything so she didn't have to go through this adventure up until Izutsumi joined the party feeling like the only woman.

Laios asks if he needs to change anything about how he treats him in the same vein as asking if he should call him Sir when he revealed his age

Senshi is just trying to process how wrong he was about literally all of his assumptions about Chil, as he is a middle aged woman and not a little boy. Feels embarrassed about his misunderstandings, no judgement towards Chil.

Marcille has questions post reveal. She gives me the vibe of a sheltered cis woman who has never questioned what makes her a woman, so when she’s presented with a woman who is more comfortable with mostly masculine presentation, uses “male” pronouns, and has even voluntarily removed his breasts as a woman, she is confused. She initially struggles to understand how a woman can be so against femininity and still be a woman. Chil, while reluctant to answer questions about his personal life, explains that he isn’t against femininity but simply feels more comfortable presenting more masculinely. And that he simply can’t be fucking asked to correct people when they guess wrong. He also ends up helping Marcille understand that gender isn’t expression and connect to her womanhood in a new way that isn’t necessarily linked to her femininity.

Laios does ask why he had facial/ body hair as a tall man and dwarf. Chil gets annoyed about him basically asking about his medical history but answers that he has PCOS and is also menopausal.

This causes Senshi to get annoyed that he didn’t mention this earlier as those conditions can lead to different nutritional needs (I.E. PCOS diet to manage symptoms or extra calcium and vitamins after menopause.)

Senshi and Laios start getting weird around Chil, no longer worrying about him being a kid, and are instead trying to be respectful of the fact he’s a woman (such as being less touchy, trying to give him privacy when changing as if they hadn’t bathed together before, etc.) Chil gets annoyed because while he appreciates the lack of touchiness and the added privacy, he’s pissed that they’re acting different after discovering he’s a woman and overthinking how they interact with him. They also start fucking up his pronouns because they’re ingrained in “women = she/her” mindset and feel like they need to “correct” themselves.

Izutsumi doesn't care and fails to see how Chilchuck being a woman instead of a man changes anything. Chil really really appreciates this.

Chil has to sit them down and explain that LITERALLY NOTHING has changed. They get better after this. (Senshi decides to go ahead with making sure he adjusts Chil’s meals to his needs.)

Post canon, Chil and his family goes to a dinner at the castle, and he shows up in a dress because A.) he wanted to match his wife and B.) kinda wanted to fuck with his friends. He succeeded as everyone was very taken aback by the sight of Chilchuck in a dress and “actually dressed as a woman for once” (a comment that annoys Chil because he is always dressed like a woman because he is always a woman who is dressed.)

[hiskillingjar]

can i get a fem ren forcefemming a transmasc reader 😭 for legal reason i am a transmasc with *that* kink but if you don't wanna do it then i understand cause most people would frown upon on me with this 😭😭😭😭

no shame!! forcefem is hot and there's nothing wrong with finding it hot <3

1000+ words, cw for light misgendering (it's for kinky reasons). this too is toxic yuri

"This doesn't really feel right," 

Your voice was a soft murmur as Ren brushed your hair in the bathroom mirror, her tail swiftly wagging to and fro behind her as she did so.

There was an eager little smile on her pixie-sweet face, and you knew she was absolutely revelling in how much your hair had grown while you were in her captivity, long enough that it was beginning to curl around your neck and drag over your shoulders

She had a preference for a more...feminine presentation, and she didn't make it a secret in the slightest. 

"You don't like it? Really? But your hair is gorgeous~!" Ren cooed playfully, moving the brush away from your hair and turning you around to face her, that dumb smirk still on her face. “I would seriously kill to have hair like yours, so long and thick, ugh! I’m so jealous.”

"I'd…really prefer it if I could cut my hair," You mumbled when you peered towards her shyly, ducking your head down and brushing a long lock of hair behind your ear. 

You had known girls back in college like you, growing their hair out awkwardly, heavy bangs, hiding their faces, not yet soft enough to pass as well as you had back then. You had felt a sense of kinship with those girls before, but even more so now. 

"Like, the length of it…” You continued, reaching up to tug where it was longest. “It makes me kind of…dysphoric, you know..."

Ren frowned a little as you spoke, her ears tipping back and her tail stopping its wags. 

Your request was reasonable, you thought so anyway, and you knew that she was suitably plugged into “the discourse” regarding your transmasculinity and gender dysphoria and things like that to understand why it make you feel so uncomfortable.

She had bought you testosterone off the dark web, for God’s sake. She must have seen you as-

"...but I like your hair the way it is." Ren replied in a small voice with a childish pout to her full lips, seeming almost... offended that you had even asked. “It looks pretty.

"I know that," You said with a sigh, rolling your eyes. You knew she was very particular about what she liked (how you looked), and probably didn't appreciate you not catering to her every desire. She was so...needy sometimes. And so demanding too. "But...you get it, right? You know why I want to do it.” You looked back into the mirror with a frown. “It makes me look so...girly."

"But that's exactly what's so adorable about you."

Ren's eyes narrowed when you looked away, her face morphing back into a smile as she peered at you over your shoulder.

"You're a femboy. Of course, you’re going to look girly~"

"Don't call me that," You replied curtly, quickly looking back towards her, your face flushed and your expression angry. "That's...like, super fucking demeaning and offensive, Ren, whatever it is you’re trying to say-"

“Huh.” Ren cut you off and stood back, considering you for a moment with a wry tilt of her head. "You get…pretty upset when I call you a femboy, don't you?"

"Obviously," You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms with a huff. "It’s like…if you were offended at being called a…jail bait or a ‘legal loli’, or something.” She snorted with amusement and let out a high cackle of a laugh, obviously not taking the insult to heart like you did. Lucky her. “It's like you see me as a porno category or something...it's insulting."

“Well, sure, maybe it’s insulting if you take it that way,” She replied airily, both her hands behind her back as she took a few steps closer to you, her tail wagging again. “But you are a femboy. Just don’t take it so personally.” She grinned, showing off wet fangs. “You’re a feminine boy, hence, ‘femboy’. I’m just calling you what you are~”

“Yeah, well, it’s not my choice to look feminine, okay?” You bit back, pushing past her to sit on the rim of the bathtub, your head in your hands, long hair covering your face "If you let me cut my fucking hair again, maybe I wouldn’t-"

"You mean, if I allowed you the privilege of making yourself ugly for me?

You flinched as you felt Ren push a hand into your hair, pulling a grip of it hard and forcing your eyes up to hers, golden and shining with malicious intent.

"And why would I do that?” Her grin broadened. “I don’t know about you, but I'm very much enjoying looking at a pretty girl right now~"

Your face flushed a little darker and you bit down hard on your lip, trying your best to look away, so she didn’t see how much she was getting to you.

"I'm not a girl, Ren..." You murmured hotly.

"Are you sure?" Ren smirked, her fingers (her painted claws) running through strands of hair as she pulled your head up slightly, her curled fist at the base of your skull. “You know…you say you feel like a boy inside, but you definitely don't act like it.”

"Well...what would a boy act like?" You asked with a defensive glare. "If I'm not acting like one..."

"Maybe you'd put up more of a fight~" Ren teased, as she moved her free hand to your chin so she could tilt your head up slightly and meet your gaze more directly. "...You're not fighting me very hard right now. And I’m, like, way weaker and shorter than you. Maybe you secretly like being called a girl?"

"No…" You murmued, trying to pulls back from her grip.

“It’s easier though, isn’t it?” She asked, with a thoughtful tilt of her head, not letting you pull away, even an inch. She was stronger than she looked, no matter what she said to the contrary. “To not have to work so hard, to give in, to let everything just…happen to you, right? That’s kind of, like,” She paused with a thoughtful expression before laughing again. “The only perk to being a girl, you know.”

You were quiet as she pressed closer, the wisps of her short hair (because she was allowed to have short hair and you weren’t) caressing your cheek as her pixie-pointed nose pressed lightly against yours.

“You should try it…or, well, go back to it.” She tittered, rubbing her thumb over your stubbly chin. At least she let you keep your stubble (but for how long?) "Because you look like a girl. You act like a girl. You take everything way too fucking seriously like a girl.” 

She brought her face close to yours, her breath warm on your flushed skin.

Her lips barely grazed yours, menacing, taunting.

"I bet you’d taste like a girl, too, if I kissed you."

“I-If?”

"If." 

[indestructibleheart]

petalwrites is now IndestructibleHeart

Hi, friends!

As some of you know, I've been through a lot of changes this year... and one of those changes involved a lot of thinky-thoughts about gender and coming to the realization that I'm demi-femme (or genderqueer; I use both terms). I started using she/they pronouns, which I'm really comfy with, but I've been thinking a lot lately about wanting a more gender-neutral name that represents all of me... and this is the safest place for me to explore that.

petal → stevie

As Charlie Spring would tell me, I don't owe anyone an explanation re: my gender or why I'm changing my name, but I actually want to open up a bit. I'm just going to do it under the cut below.

However, the tldr is this: I'm not a girl, but I'm not NOT a girl (hope that helps!!). I'm gonna start going by Stevie in online spaces because it better fits the person I'm becoming. I've changed my URL here, my ao3 username, and my nicknames on Discord. I love each and every one of you for cultivating a space where I can explore what being demi-femme means to me, since I'm not quite in a place to change my inherently feminine government name IRL.

cw for talk about both gender and losing my dad (spoiler alert — I didn't choose Stevie for Stevie Budd, as precious as she is to me):

The name "Petal" being pretty feminine is something that's been on my mind for a while now, and I thought pretty hard about what name felt most like me. When the name Stevie popped into my head, it was because of Schitt's Creek... but something else clicked right after.

It was my dad's name.

(Well, his name was Steve, anyway.)

And, while we had our differences over the years, he was the first person in my family to wholeheartedly support me when I came out. I told him I was a lesbian and he was literally like, "Cool. You want pizza for dinner, or...?" Yeah. Didn't bat an eye. Especially given that he passed in June, of all months, it feels like a fitting tribute to take his name with me on this journey.

For me, the gender spectrum is complicated. It's a place I'm still learning to navigate... and that's why I'm choosing a name that feels like it suits me wherever I happen to be on the slider at any given time. Having a place where I can make these kinds of changes and do some self-exploration is just... like... I don't have the words to articulate how much that means to me.

This community has been nothing but wonderful every step of the way here. Hell, this community half the reason I felt safe and comfortable enough to start doing all this self-reflection in the first place. So, thank you for that.

I know referring to me by a different name is gonna take some adjustment, but that's okay!

Just like I am both she and they, Petal is a part of me, too... It's just not all of me. I want to introduce myself with a name that fits like a comfy sweater, rather than a dress that I only wear on certain days. Y'know?

(And, really, this is more about me needing a space to safely explore some gender neutrality when I can't IRL than it is my being uncomfortable with the name Petal. So, don't stress about it.)

I hope that makes sense outside of my head... but I guess it's also okay if it doesn't.

[kannra21]

I don’t understand why anime men can be drawn looking handsome while also looking normal and wearing normal clothes, but sososo often, anime women are drawn looking like their tits are going to pop out of their bras and/or they wear provocative outfits.

Do men (or male artists anyway) not care if a woman is beautiful if she isn’t being revealing? Do her facial features, the way she carries herself, her hair, etc. not matter so long as she’s not trying to act like a seductress?

From my own experience with men I can only say one thing- they are liars. Or at least they like lying to themselves.

They will oftentimes say that they don't like women who reveal feminine features, but they do. Men like women and they like objectifying them. Bc if men are straight, logically, they're attracted to women. Bc woman's body is pretty and not just in a sexual sense. Sometimes it's just pretty for looking at; like art, nude modeling and act. Worshipped even. Woman's body is prettier than man's body in so many ways. But I think this beauty shouldn't be so heavily sexualized like it's often the case in the east. Japan has so much explicit content that they even have categorized shops at every corner, in public spaces. I don't know how Japanese women feel about this but statistics show that their birth rate is slowly declining. Besides poor economic situation, women don't feel respected or loved enough. And the feminism has risen in this part of the world as well.

Anyways, back to the point- I respect Gege for keeping his characters neat and the story heavily plot oriented without much fanservice (men are the fanservice lol). Gege also says that his parents are reading the manga so I suppose he doesn't rly want to feel like a disgrace lmao. I'm not sure if this was his marketing strategy to interest women into shōnen genre but it definitely worked, now jjk has become one of the most popular series of all time. And it's ok to have Mei Mei as one token representative of a "sexy woman" stereotype although I wouldn't rly call her sexy either. She's just a beautiful woman.

What definitely helps the whole situation is Gege's taste in fashion. No male mangaka that I know ever paid attention to this one very important factor. Fashion is a type of expression, and it can tell a lot about the character themselves without incorporating their personality in words. With that said, jjk women have so much personality to them, it's fascinating.

Mei Mei and Mai could be considered sexy, Utahime is a traditional authoritative beauty, Nobara is very stylish and confident, Maki is a strong tomboy girl, Miwa and Momo are girly and cute, Ozawa is a shy girl, Shoko is your typical CEO woman, Yuki is a biker girl. And some of them have short or tied up hair which is nice bc it can be just as feminine as long hair. He even introduced women's insecurities like Ozawa being overweight and that Yuuji didn't mind bc he found her writing and table manners pretty. Momo's outlook on woman's prejudice in jujutsu world is also something important to adress. Yuuta is shown kissing Rika bc what they're having is true love and true love doesn't know shallow boundaries. Gege understands woman's struggle.

In an interview, Gege revealed that he has similar mindset to Megumi and that he doesn't want to sexualize women as much. The way he treats woman body is purely artistic. At least watching these panels didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

Regarding Mei Mei's and Ui Ui's relationship, yea it's a taboo. But I think that author didn't want to promote incest, rather, he wanted to show that Mei Mei is a woman with flaws. And flaws are something that makes a person interesting, together with their virtues. She also likes money. To the point that Gojo made fun of her by flipping a coin to summon her bc apparently, Mei Mei lacks self-respect.

In contrast to her, Utahime respects herself too much. That's why she's often hysterical and Gojo tells her that hysterics won't win men (Gojo is a real mansplainer huh).

Gojo is rude and so is Sukuna. But Miwa and Yorozu don't even notice a man's flaw if they're interested in him (Gege knows a woman's mind too well, which is funny). That's why he's asking ladies to vote for Nanami instead of Gojo in popularity poll (women should set aside shallow interests and concentrate on person's kind soul).

Unlike them, Shoko is aloof and rational bc she's too aware of fleetingness of life, especially in her line of work as a doctor. Sure, she can be friendly and smile a lot, but she doesn't want to form any strong relationships with anyone. This is the only way she can keep her sanity in check. After all, jujutsu is just a marathon where the finish line is a pile of friends' corpses. Something the younger generations are a bit immature to understand.

Nobara is a very stubborn girl, she sometimes comes off as too bossy or rude (Yuuji calls her a bitch lol). But it turns out this was only her defense mechanism with people she's unfamiliar with bc she didn't want to be underestimated for being a country girl of limited thoughts and experience. Bc Nobara is indeed a great girl with many talents.

Maki is a strong, independent woman but this doesn't mean that she refuses help and support from people around her. She likes guys who are stronger than her (and Yuuta comes into picture, besides, he also suggested that he wants to crush Zenin clan together which explains her liking to him). Panda noticed that and wanted to play a wingman. Although his boobs question (Maki's insecurity) was a bit inappropriate (but it got the point across), Yuuta's answer was very polite which made him more likeable in her eyes.

Yuki and Todo are similar bc they're nosy, they enjoy exploring different people's interests and judge them whether they're considered "a person of culture" (which adds to the series' comedic aspect). I love Haibara's answer bc he says "I like women who eat a lot" bc he knows that women who eat are happy and that a hungry woman is an angry woman.

Gege understands women so much that fans are contemplating whether Gege is actually a woman himself or not. It's nice to have a mangaka who's this mindful.

[doveabovetheworld]

Could you write like write a Clawdeen Wolf x Non-binary (afab) werebear reader that likes to dress masculine, but doesn't have very many clothes that fit well cause they don't have a chest binder? I feel like Clawdeen would make them hella outfits!🖤

Omg thats so cute!! I love this so much!! She really would make amazing outfits just for you! Clawdeen was always one of my favorites as well!!

Warnings; some gender and body dysphoria but nothing other than that!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I looked myself in the mirror and felt super uncomfortable. My girlfriend Clawdeen invited me to her house and I wanted to look nice before I went over but none of my clothes seemed to feel right on me with my chest binder.

I love myself, I really do, but I can’t stand my body, specifically the parts of me that make me feel more feminine. I have a few chest binders that help with the dysphoria but on somedays it’s such an overpowering feeling that I can’t shake off. Today was just one of those days.

I kept trying on different shirts and hoodies but none of them were fitting correctly. At this point I’m probably going to just cancel hanging out with Clawdeen. I really want to do that because I love Clawdeen with my whole heart but I usually don’t want to be around anyone when I feel this way.

My icoffin rang and I saw Clawdeen’s icon pop up. She’s wondering where I am… I pick up the phone and answer, “Hey Clawdeen.”

“Hey, Y/N, where are you? It’s like 30 minutes past when we said you’d be here. If you’re running late or something let me know though, please?”

“No, it’s just that… it’s one of those days again.”

“What do you mean? Dysphoria day?”

“Yeah… my binder isnt looking right on any of my clothes no matter how many I try and I just feel awful.”

“I’m sorry, love. Is it cool if I head over to your place?”

“I mean sure if you wanna…”

“Okay. Give me about 40 minutes and I’ll be right there!”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Love you!”

“Love you too.”

I hung up and layed on my bed until I heard the doorbell rang. I got up to go to the front door and opened it. Clawdeen was standing there looking beautiful (as usual) with bags in both hands.

“What’s in all those?” I asked pointing to the bags.

She walked in and put the bags on the table, “Not even a “hello” or “i love you” from my amazing partner?”

I gave a little laughed as she started to take out the contents in each bag and put them on the table. There were my favorite snacks and drinks as well as outfits that looked super cute. I looked at her and started to speak, “Claw-“

“Uh uh,” she started to say as she looked at me seriously, “No way. I know exactly what you’re gonna say and I’m gonna stop that train of thought right away. I came here because I know you’re upset and I love you. I want to make you feel happy and that’s why I brought your comfort foods and drinks. As well as making you shirts, pants, and other stuff to make you feel comfortable on these days or just in general.”

I looked at her in disbelief. She did all this stuff for me just because I feel upset…

“I really don’t know what to say, Clawdeen…” I started to say as my voice cracked a bit. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. No one ever cared this much about me to make clothes specifically for me. I started smiling wide and gave Clawdeen a huge hug.

She hugged me back and said, “I’m always going to be here for you, Y/N”

We went through all the clothes that she made for me and they fit perfectly. It made me feel so much better and I actually felt really good!

I sat on my bed in between Clawdeen’s lap. She started playing with my hair and I thanked her again for helping me out.

“It’s no problem at all, love,” she said, “Trust me. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I responded looking up at her. She gave me a kiss and we both layed down cuddling each other.

We eventually fell asleep and when I woke up, Clawdeen left. There was a tiny note on my nightstand and it said, “sorry I left, had to go get Howleen. Love you <3”

I smiled a bit thinking at how amazing Clawdeen is. I really am lucky to have her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N; sorry if it didn’t really hit at what exactly you were requesting but I still think it was really cute!

[dexabite]

because i'm bored: here's what i think about the characters of ride the cyclone!

ocean o'connell rosenberg:

definitely was a huge snob. in my language, we call those kind of people "maldita" HAHAHAH

she sounds so much like a high school bully that it's hilarious... but also, i feel like she was bullied in elem and was consequently also mean in highschool? idk she gives me that energy

DEFINITELY the kind of person to love legally blonde and mean girls and just projected it onto her persona LMAOO

though she's probably really very much a big softie once she developed at the end of the musical, but still hides it behind her bitchy and rude exterior

she looks like she would take someone's phone and squint whenever someone shows her a meme, like the way a mother would

noel gruber:

mean gay. that's it.

it's canon that whenever he's nervous or uncomfortable, he picks on his nail polish! and i love that! he's just like me fr!

i think the thing he really wanted was just a life outside of his simple one when he was alive... and i think monique gibeau was his drag persona

that said: NOEL DRAG QUEEN AAHHHH

feels like he would be more reserved because he's trying to look normal because of his mom yk, so he probably didn't have many friends outside of the choir (who weren't very close to begin with, judging from the way they talk in the beginning of the musical)

but besides that, he wants to be FLAMBOYANT and FEMININE and i love him

mischa bachinski:

iconic. stole boxes of communion wine for his eight year old cousin because of birthday. im in love with him.

sorry to noel, but he's the REAL most romantic boy in town. nothing compares to the way he sings about talia as if he couldn't live without her. get yourself a man like mischa.

probably loves ridiculous memes. would laugh at them for so long and show everyone in the choir

i think he doesn't actually watch horror movies but watches analysis videos on youtube about them like i do.

when he actually watches horror movies, he squirms around and does all of these weird movements and noises to cope with the fear 😭 not outright scream though, he's too emasculated /j

ricky potts:

he is an oc writer just like me. i love him for that.

was most likely into warrior cats as a kid, obviously marvel comics and star trek too. no way he wasn't.

he mooost likely didn't want to be in the choir in the first place but ocean forced him in it, based off his reaction to ocean trying to get people to like her again after singing about social darwinism 😭

that said, he's just like me fr... using escapism as a coping mechanism for his lonelines... i love you ricky and and your sexy cat ladies from zolar

and actually, i think he's one of the most underrated characters apart from constance which is such a SHAME...

he's so nerdy and JUST LIKE ME FR!!!

i think that before his hands degenerated, he was an artist. not a good one, but enough for people to recognize it!

jane doe:

CREEPYPASTA ENJOYER I CAN SMELL IT OFF OF HER.

creepy... i love her...

and i think that she's really good at crocheting, to add onto the whole doll aesthetic. makes tiny sweaters for ricky's cats, probably made a phone case for constance made out of wool... no matter how inconvenient it was

i think that noel would've painted her nails black too because she deserves it!!!

anyway, her and ricky are the "the bad bitch i got thanks to my autism" meme definitely. going both ways

anyway her actor's voice always sounds like an opera singers it's so impressive! that's why i believe that she can actually sing opera if they ask her to

definitely knows obscure facts about medieval torture and lions... just because!

FOORNICATION UNDER CONSENT OF THE KING!!!!

constance blackwood:

HER SONGS MAKE ME FEEL SO MANY THINGS IT'S CRAZY

the unique lesson of "there's no shame in loving my small town" ...my god you never hear that in musicals EVER

it's always "GET ME OUT OF HERE PLEASE!!!!" not the lesson that's in sugar cloud

that said, god... the fact that she doesn't like being called nice because it means that no one truly got close enough to her to know her for her goofiness... her weird thoughts, and her silly mannerisms and she had no one to vent to </3

hell, even her so called BEST FRIEND is mean to her!!!

but i feel like they'd still be close, despite that yk? best friends always stick together and as ocean develops more i think that they'd get closer until they're literally the only two who knows the other better than themselves

OH and i think that constance would've loved writing fanfic... she just has that kinda energy yk? she and noel would bond over writing and they'd talk about what they write and constance would hesitate because she doesn't want to admit that she writes gay fanfiction on ao3 😭🙏

[lullaebies]

What the differences between aegon&helaena in the book compare to what we got in the show, and why do you think that their show!portrayal isn't good? (Didn't read the books)

Let me start this ask by saying that I am a biased blog to ask this and while I try to be subjective, I highly rec reading the book and forming your own opinion on the matter. I will list here what I think didn't work in the show, but this is only my opinion from my point of view. This will be a very long ask - apologies. warning as well for spoilers.

Let's start with Helaena because she's a lot easier to go over. The issues with Helaena imo is not that she's better written in the books, she isn't - she has little lines and moments there too, but the problems are as such: she is described as an entirely different person in the books, and while the show is supposed to elaborate on the characters they adapt because the books describes historical figure and hence doesn't have much characterization, the additions to Helaena's character are very shallow and aren't fleshed out at all.

Helaena is not a dreamer in the book, nor does she have some evident hyperfixation on bugs or any neurodivergent traits that we know of. Now these additions would be lovely in the right hands! They even are lovely now, but the neurodivergent rep is tropey (autism comes with superpower trope), and not well done because don't give her much personality beside it. The dreamer plot is nice but overtakes her entire character because practically 95% of her lines are prophecies. We do not see her reacting to any pivotal event in a way that remotely expresses an opinion except "I feel uncomfortable" or "I feel happy."

In the books, we are told she's an active mother, we are told she has had a seat on Aegon's war councils to advocate for peace, we are told she is liked by the smallfolk to some capacity and had a happy personality overall. We are also told she is a bit plumper which is worth mentioning in this section - because everything I just wrote are things that practically erased from the show. So, people are rightfully upset - the Helaena we were described, despite being ingrained in traditional feminine roles, was an active person with her own thoughts and life, and her relatable/more admirable characteristics were erased in favor the show!personality that isn't in accordance to the text and isn't fleshed out enough in order to have her matter to the wide audience. I went on rants before about how she has been made solely a victim and nothing more but I will not get into this here.

As for Aegon, the issue lies with framing, entirely reduced screentime and lack of exploration of young!Aegon in a sympathetic way, the way they actively did not write scenes for him that are positive and have seemingly taken out the cores of his arc and made them not matter.

Aegon II is not a good person in the books, either, do not mistake it. He is not any better of a husband or a person and for his part as a father we don't really know how he was with the kids. That being said, the show has decided to make his absolute worst caricature of him, while taking away any positive quality he could have had or any relatable point to him.

Sunfyre, his dragon, is a big thing for Aegon - he loves the dragon. His sigil is made after Sunfyre. We may not know how involved Aegon was in his children's lives, but we know he raged enough at their demise he wanted to burn Dragonstone to the ground. We also know that Aegon took up the crown in order to defend his family, which is something the show neglected to say. Sunfyre and Aegon's children are two things that in Ep9 appparently Aegon is willing to leave behind to go away on a ship to Essos. It's egregious how butchered he is.

In the books as a child, he didn't get along with the Strong boys - he certainly didn't bully Aemond even if there was rivalry there. In the books, he didn't start the fight at the last supper by sexually harrassing Baela, and in fact, he was the one who got into a fistfight with Jace over the dance with Helaena. This is not about a ship moment here - but the fact the choice was made to make him seem as the instigator in every turn is not only crazy but also extremely unempathetic to him. He has reasons to be angry, you can glean them off of the text - even if it's jealousy, that makes sense - but no, in the show he's just a cunt who is the manifestation of all evil. The fact that we consistently see him naked (as a child, too!!) to portray him as a deviant is unsubtle and has no decorum about it.

He is consistently shown to be the devil in his family despite also being very much a victim in his own circumstances and the hypocrisy does not jive with me. I will not comment on the choice to make him a full on rapist because frankly that is not beyond his character in the books, but for a show that wants people to be conflicted, it was a damn bad choice, especially as other horrible actions to the smallfolk are not nearly as demonized when other characters make them.

Basically, all empathy escaped the writers when they decided to write him, it seems. Most his empathetic lines seem to come from improv by Tom Glynn Carney. They simply chose the worst possible way to go with him, took away the parts of him that made him sort of likable (using this word generously) and left him with self-depreciation that makes him so passive that he has to have his ass dragged to the throne instead of Cole or Aemond convincing him. It's just very clear the writers do not like him, basically. He has his downfalls but he is still human - he still could've had a decent arc and understandable reasons to most of what he does in better hands.

So basically, these are my thoughts. Sorry for the length again, but you did get me on a day where I needed to vent LMAO. Thank you for the ask.

[cosmicjoke]

Alright, chapter 54 of Saezuru.

Some really interesting developments this chapter, I think.

The first thing I want to talk about is the bar maid, who we finally get a name for, Izumi. What struck me this chapter was the parallel that seems to be drawn between her and Yashiro. We see her protesting Kamiya beating up the guy who stole the money from the bar, and see that she's being made very uncomfortable by the display of violence. She later asks Kamiya to forgive him. What I noticed here was what Kamiya says to her then, about this life not "suiting her" and telling her she's "too kind". That's exactly what Ryuuzaki said about Yashiro once. The life of a Yakuza, a violent life, doesn't suit either Izumi, or Yashiro. Yashiro is ALSO too kind. He can't ever bring himself to be ruthless the way one really needs to be to make it in that world. There's countless examples of this throughout the story, of Yashiro not being able to just turn his back on others, not being able to abandon anyone, always helping others, even at his own expense, etc... I've talked before about Yashiro's feminine qualities, and why I think he's fearful of admitting to Doumeki that he wants to be treated gently, because it recalls for him what his step-father used to say to him about really "being a woman". If Yashiro admits that he doesn't like to be treated roughly, or violently, if he admits he doesn't like being abused, it's like admitting his step-father was right about him. When you really think about Yashiro's coping mechanism, this persona he's built for himself of being a masochist, and you put it into context with what his step-father used to tell him about himself, it makes all the more sense why Yashiro clung to that persona for so long. It was an attempt to free himself from the idea of being a victim, but also an attempt to prove his step-father wrong. We later see Inami calling Yashiro a "masochist freak", too. I feel like Yoneda is drawing a deliberate parallel here between Yashiro and Izumi. Kamiya confronts her about being Doumeki's girlfriend, and we know Yashiro is also under the impression that Doumeki is with her romantically, and that he's secretly been longing for Doumeki to treat him with the same gentility and kindness that he's observed him treating her with. I think Yoneda is kind of suggesting here again that Yashiro is very much like a woman in his sensibilities, in his temperament, in his desires.

That's not to say Yashiro is transgender. I don't think that. He wasn't meant to be a woman, like his step-father told him, and he doesn't feel like he's in the wrong body. But what he does share in common with a woman, like Izumi, is that he doesn't belong or fit into a world of violence and this sort of toxic, masculine behavior that's so prevalent in and among the yakuza. There's a reason everyone in that world has always treated Yashiro the way they do. They view him I think, in some ways, like he's a woman. That might be why they don't consider it "gay" when they use him for sex. Because they've designated him almost like he's some sort of female object to be used and abused in whichever ways they like. Ryuuzaki even asked Yashiro, famously, if he ever wished he was a woman, and Yashiro told him no, but then said he thinks it would be easier if he was, because it wouldn't be so difficult for him to have sex with men. Yashiro is gay, but he wants to have a relationship with another man that, generally, he believes, would more resemble a man's relationship with a woman. He once thought about knowing the pain of a man loving another man. That pain being one he was, tragically, intimately familiar with at that point. Yashiro associates brutality and rape with gay relationships, because that's all he's ever really known. Yashiro is a gay man with feminine sensibilities, but even those who recognized that, like Ryuuzki, wished he were a woman, so he could "protect" him. This is the kind of message Yashiro's been getting his whole life. He's a man, so he gets abused by other men, and he could only get what he really wants, that is, to be treated gently, if he were a woman. But being a woman would mean his step-father was right about him. So he finds himself in sort of this no-mans land, where he he isn't really a man or a woman. Again, instead, he ends up feeling like he's some sort of deformed monster or alien that doesn't fit anywhere. The truly heartbreaking thing about all of that, of course, is that it continues to perpetuate and reinforce for Yashiro exactly the sorts of things his step-father used to say to him, and what his step-father made him believe about himself. That there's something wrong with him. I feel like all of this is going to come to a head at some point. With Doumeki becoming more and more firmly entrenched in the world of the yakuza, and us as an audience being given more and more clues about Yashiro's own lack of compatibility with that same world, eventually something's going to have to give. I truly believe that Yashiro can't remain a yakuza, or even connected to the yakuza, and ever really find happiness, or contentment. Living in that world, in that environment, surrounded by those kinds of people, makes it impossible for Yashiro to ever, truly be himself, or to discover who he really even is.

Anyway, about Inami. I think he showed that video to Doumeki just to sow discord between him and Yashiro. Inami is a genuine sadist. He's someone who just wants to and enjoys hurting people. He's trying to upset Doumeki by showing him the video of him raping Yashiro, and then expressing how much fun he gets out of doing it. He tells Doumeki that Yashiro is impotent and that doing it with him equates, essentially, to rape, which he says is "too good" to just call "killing time". He's saying that he enjoys raping Yashiro to the point that it's an activity he wants to seek out and continue with. And then he suggests to Doumeki that Yashiro is having sex with both of them as a means of hurting himself. He calls Yashiro a "masochist freak" and tells Doumeki that he comes to him after having sex with Doumeki because he isn't satisfied with just one man raping him. In Inami's sick and twisted mind, he thinks this is what Yashiro wants. He's projecting his own perversions onto Yashiro. What's interesting here is what Doumeki will do with this information. Because Inami doesn't know that Yashiro isn't impotent when he's with Doumeki, but he's just revealed to him that Yashiro seeks him out as a means of punishing, or hurting, himself, or so he believes. He tells Doumeki to make sure Yashiro is "good and satisfied" next time, since "that isn't working anymore". I think what Inami means here is that he thinks Yashiro is becoming more extreme in his masochism, needing MORE punishment to get it up, but it's really the opposite. And I think maybe Doumeki is going to realize what Inami doesn't. Maybe Doumeki will put two and two together and realize that Yashiro's impotence is a result of him no longer enjoying that kind of rough treatment, and maybe from there, he'll start to realize what it is Yashiro really wants.

Just to end this on, I loved how Yashiro was on to that waiter watching them. Can't fool this dude for anything, haha. His entire interaction with Nanahara was great this chapter. They really do just come across as friends. Yashiro laughing at Nanahra's suit getting messed up, seeming to abandon him to fight those thugs by himself, but coming back for him and then helping to get him patched up afterward. But they always have each others backs, in their own ways.

[dirtyvulture]

😎 ohh I just had a thought/ realization ! Back in the day the rich also didn’t really dress themselves, or at the very least the ladies didn’t ( they had the whole ass corset and many many layers of fabric and clothing with the dresses to deal with so they had to have HELP with that) . Meaning while R was young and growing up all the maids and female servants of the estate picked out clothes and dressed young R as they would have her mother Elizabeth . But with Elizabeth it was the corset , the dress, the hair and makeup and jewelry. With R as R was ten to thirteen years old when her mutation hit and she was forced on the run R was probably was at the start of development but wasn’t fully developed and with the Corset it is an all or nothing situation. Not like training bras of today. So the maids and female servants did the bare bones with R and dressed her in the little and young girl dresses of the day and did her hair in braids and other styles for young girls of that era.

R sucks at picking her clothes because she didn’t have the chance or choice to do so while she was young and growing up , and when she ran off she had the priority of just getting clothes to dress her self in ( she had to on the run while she was still in her nightgown because she was sleeping before the invasion of her home) and ideally those clothes would fit her but that wasn’t always the case. She didn’t care about the color or anything else but getting and having the clothes she needed. Like Vulture said , R isn’t color blind so she isn’t picking out clashing colors or picking out anything to crazy but she does look better then someone else picks out her clothes. Esther and everyone that has that has picked out R’s clothes after Esther : “ Honey …….. no. Here let me pick something out for you .” R : confused because she is dressed…. Mission accomplished and that is the main thing right ? But R is just like “ 🤷‍♀️ alright”.

R may not remember remember the maids / female servants of the Howlett estate picking out clothes and dressing R and she would never admit it but it makes R happy and feels all warm and fuzzy inside when people do this . Because she feels cared for and all the comments that people give her when she wears those clothes picked out for her makes her feel good. Plus it makes whom ever picking out R’s clothes makes them so happy and R likes doing that and she is just so used to it after Esther ( and her younger years that she doesn’t remember) of people choosing R’s clothes.

Even if R doesn’t want or it can make R uncomfortable people taking care of her or just the feeling of being taken care of still makes her feel all warm and fuzzy, and sometimes a girl just wants to have someone tell her she looks good ( again even though she would never admit to it).

But yeah R not only lived through ( and invented some) the evolution of feminine hygiene products but also the evolution of the corset to the “backless brassiere” or the bra as we know it today. It was invented in 1910 ( goggle debates the exact year but it is all the same difference) by the New York socialite named Mary Phelps  Jacob ( also known as Caresse Crosby ).

Trying to imagine Wolvie!R in a dress/corset/some fancy getup and it's just such an awkward thing to think about 😂

R strikes me as someone who doesn't really care what she looks like, or that she has low self-esteem and just doesn't think she looks good in anything anyway, so that's why she makes no effort 🥺

R is also just so fiercely independent and doesn't like people when people go out of their way to help her (perhaps because she thinks they'll expect her to do something for them later on), but when she knows it's coming from a loving, genuine place it's more accepted.

Ah yes, R just casually inventing all of these extremely important feminine inventions that we still use to this day lol

[natasha-in-space]

Hello! So I really like your writing and your takes on the characters. Your ability to make them feel grounded in canon is something I really love! I especially liked your post on Jaehee's acceptance on her femininity, because I feel like you really got a point there, and it's something I see fans either ignore or don't like for some reason? Like, I've seen someone say that it's not logical for Jaehee to want to be more feminine, and that made me kinda upset, ngl. I know it's stupid, but as a girl who had to struggle with accepting my own femininity, it makes me upset when people refuse to acknowledge the feminine development of female characters as a positive one. Some of us want to be feminine. It's not bad or oppressive. We are allowed to have those stories told. It makes me so uncomfortable when it automatically gets assumed that it's somehow bad, and a female character can't be free and feminine. Why not create an OC for Jaehee with those traits instead of ignoring a crucial plot point in her story? Idk, maybe I'm being too petty. - anon

Hi anon! Tumblr is being silly and I accidentally messed up your ask, so I'll be answering you this way! That's an interesting point to discuss, and I do get your frustrations. That said, I do wanna say that we all can interpret the same character differently, and I don't wanna invalidate others readings on Jaehee! Creation is all about having fun, after all, so there's no need for any obsolete rules.

I'm honestly very surprised that post of mine has so many notes? I wrote it in a very sleepy state to just get my thoughts out, and I frankly don't think it's that good, lmao. Maybe I'll do a follow-up of it one day and do the subject justice, with screenshots and more grounded points! It's certainly an aspect of her character I like thinking about a lot, especially due to my own experiences.

As to your point, I do think that if you actually pay attention to Jaehee's dialogue and her overall route progression, her embrace of her femininity makes complete logical sense to her as a character. At least to me. The path of actually throwing aside your environment's expectations of you and just pursuing what you like is hard. Including the acceptance of your own femininity. Especially so if you have been denying it to yourself for a long, long time. And that's something Jaehee expresses her struggle with many times. I think it's perfect in line and actually logical for her to lean into the more 'feminine' side after her good ending.

And, y'know, just because she has long hair and likes to wear dresses sometimes doesn't mean she lost her snark and badassery! I'm pretty sure she's actually way more confident and open after her good ending, so just because she is more 'feminine', doesn't mean she'll grow all soft and timid or something like that. It has been expressed that she has many leadership qualities, and she can hold her own just fine. Femininity is a spectrum, not some set of rules you have to follow. You can explore it in different ways to your desire, and I think that's a journey she'll explore at her own pace.

So, that's my two cents on it! I'd say just scroll down or block the content that you don't like seeing. There's nothing wrong with using the block button for your own comfort, y'know? If you don't like seeing a certain interpretation, just manage your online experience to avoid seeing it!