#she doesnt have a name or outfit yet but im really into her

[terra-tortoise]

i said i wasnt allowed to buy any dragons or skins and all my funds had to go to finishing projects but alas. she spoke to me. so i spent 600g on her -_-

[aroarachnid]

"but if it were me, I'd really wanna be, a giant woman"

stevens relationship with gender is so fascinating to me. his entire diamond days arc is a clear trans allegory, but more specifically reads as a transmasc allegory, what with everyone reffering to him as "rose" or "pink" and feminine terms despite his repeated insistence that he is *steven*. and yet he never actually corrects anyone when they use she/her. he only corrects his name. this was pointed out in the tags of that one post youve probably seen:

this post doesnt show it, but steven is delighted when blue said this. obviously you can read this as steven being glad that shes making an effort, even if incorrect, and is just choosing to let the wrong pronouns slide. but its never explicitly stated. and like i said, he never corrects she/her, he only corrects his name. although it is interesting that, by the time the movie rolls around, the diamonds have switched to he/him.

its also interesting to mention how excited he was to put on pink diamonds outfit, and also how quickly he took it off once he got the chance.

of course stevens relationship with his mother and his identity issues are going to play a big part in how he percieves his gender, given that for a large chunk of the show he actually belived they were the same person, at least to some extent. ("im my mom and my sister?! what kind of magical destiny is this?!). how would you define your "agab" when half your family is telling you that you are a centuries old alien called rose/pink who has no sex and used she/her? not to mention all of the various gender identities and pronouns his fusions have.

thats not even getting started on how the gems percieve gender, which is to say, they generally don't. gems are sexless beings and their society has no concept of gender, although after spending a long time on earth im sure the crystal gems have a better understanding (i actually could talk about the gems relation to human gender a lot more but ill save that for another time). for steven, a child raised by gems for a good chunk of his childhood- who use feminine terms as a default-i can see how that would lead to some interesting perceptions on gender presentation.

thats not even getting into stevens gender noncomformity. and while gender presentation doesnt necessarily have anything to do with your gender identity, its interesting to note and i just think its really cool that a male protagonist is so unapologetically feminine

also i could talk for days about connie and stevens knight/princess dynamic, and how it parallels pearl and roses, but in a healthier way that nips the whole "obssesive self sacrifice" thing in the (rose) bud as soon as steven notices it. but then id have to talk about pearl and then wed be here all day lol

so yeah, stevens relationship with gender fascinates me. I mean, does the concept of "cisgender" even apply in the way we usually mean it to, given stevens unique experiences?

[doodlinge]

im so obsessed with beetlejuice the musical it makes me so happy i love lydia as a main character shes so cool and i love her style and i th8nk she has a lot of depth and shes just SO SMART AND CLEVERF!!!!! like TRICKING A DEMON????????? MULTIPLE TIMES???? that takes GUTS and SMARTS and she is smart!!!, shes so cool!,!! i love ALL of the ch@racters i love ALL the music all of the music is just ao fun and makes me so happy and really gives me a lot of that belting and big grand moments that i find so fun and cool in musicals and i love BEETLEJUICE AS A CHARACTER SOSOSOSOSO MUCH!!!!!!! hes SO FUNNY!!!!!!! like SO FUNNY and hes amazing and goofy and lovable even when he does bad things u know he doesnt fully like. process what he’s doing is a bad thing he just does things based on emotions and its so fun to see a character do th@t and his who.e demeanor and outfit and voice are just ??? SO LIKEABLE!!!!!!!!! GAHH HES SO SOSOS MUCH FUN!!! AS A CHARACTER!!!!!!! and i LOVE THE DANCING QND THR SET LIGHTING IS BEAUTIFUL AND THE STORY IS INTRIGUING AND HAVE U EVEN HEARD THE MUSIC??!?!??!!?!? THAT BEAUTIFUL SOUND!!!!!! THE WHOLE BEING DEAD THING PART 1 AND 2!!!!!!! DEAD MOM!!!!!! DEAD MOM AND JUMP IN THE LINE!!!!!!!!!!!! NO REASON!!!!! BARBARA 2.0 AND SAY MY NAME AND READY SET NOT YET!!!!!! AND I WANT TO GO BACK AND SEE IT AGAIN SO BAD OMG I REALLY JUST WANT TO EVEN THO I JUSY SAW IT AND IT WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE EVER AND IT WAS MY FAV MYSICSL AND I JUST AM SO HAPPY

[meiko3323]

Maxine (Arlefuri kiddo)

finally decided its time to sit down and finish designing her! you may see this is just a sketch, as ive yet to finalize the colour scheme of her outfit, im still weighing my options. split bw black and lavender/ purple for the dominant colour. the former looks cool, but the latter prob fits her motif better. anyway, for now let me tell you a bit more abt her:

----------

Name: Maxine (prefers Max for short)

Pronouns: she/ her

Vision: (undecided)

Weapon: (undecided)

outfit details (in case its hard to read):

- has an arm band on her right arm, gifted to her by her friend [REDACTED]. it has the (teyvatian) letter M embroidered on it, for her first name

- has a side pouch on her belt w some basic first aid stuff and dog treats

- short fingerless gloves on both hands

- has both elbow and knee guards that are in a water drop shape w an X inside

- has a dagger strapped to the top of her left boot

- forgot to note: the center bit on top of her tie is a romaritime flower, to mirror the one on her head

About Max (childhood):

due to Arlecchino often having to be away on Harbinger/ Fatui missions, Max was raised mainly by Furina. that said, Arle does try her best to be there for her daughter, spending time w her whenever shes free, and often brings Max little souvenirs from her travels.

while Max was a baby, Furina took a sabbatical from her directing work to raise her. she instilled in Max an appreciation of the arts, with her skillful reenactments, and puppet shows of various plays and stories. once Max is a bit older, Furina starts taking up jobs again, leaving her child in Neuvillettes care at the Palais Mermonia, and picking her up at the end of the day. Neuvi doesnt mind, as Max is a well-behaved kid and either brings books w her to read, or draws while shes there. Sedene and the other melusines take a shine to her, making sure Max never has a shortage of snacks and tea throughout the day.

About Martin:

Martin is her loyal canine companion. she found him as a puppy, tangled in some fishing nets. of course she begs her parents to take him in, and they acquiesce on the condition that he is her responsibility now. since then Martin never leaves her side, even accompanying her on Hearth missions

About Max (hobbies): Max really likes nature, and ever since she found Martin stuck in nets carelessly left behind by some fishers, she took to cleaning litter in her free time.

----------

i think thats all ive got for now ^^

im a sucker for animal companions, so ofc i had to give her a dog. he is named Martin after my dads german shepherd he had when i was a baby 🐶

Max's redacted friend that gave her the arm band is a future oc im working on cuz yes, shes gonna have friends, two of them in fact! no spoilers as to which genshin couples theyll be kiddos of, but any of yall that know me will probably have some good guesses 😸

still cant believe i went from thinking id never design an oc, to having a whole 3 now

thank you to my entire hoyofam for inspiring me and cheering me on thru this process, yalls fervent support means the world to me 💕

[yearningandpatheticaboutit]

CHAPTER 14: I CANT STAND THIS ANYMORE

wc: 6054

tags: violence, attempted s/a, smut, angst, drugs

a/n: this chapter might be triggering for some people, read at your own risk.

prev chapter

yaera

i havent been to one of these events since i was fifteen. that doesnt sound like a long time, but considering my sister was still alive then, it certainly felt like forever had passed.

the dress i was given is pretty at least. its black, has long sleeves and looks like it was designed for a sexy vampire. one good thing came out of this shitfest.

but the best part is, i can hide san's drugs within my outfit. im not stashing them in matching black purse because it'll get searched, but the tiny ziplock bags fit perfectly in my sleeves and boob area. this will truly be the riskiest thing ive ever done.

irina and the others even messaged me not to forget the stuff. im so focused on just getting that money the fear i had buried inside me hasnt completely resurfaced yet.

im staring at myself in the mirror, looking at my smokey eye make up. the black hair dye really gave me a morbid yet sexy aesthetic that im not bad about. if i could describe myself in two words, it would be exactly that, morbid and sexy.

the sexy part is what bothers me. i know there are people who would agree all too willingly with that. and its not my target audience.

my room door swings open and my mother walks in. theres a strange look on her face as she takes me in. we say nothing to each other for a few moments till she breaks the silence.

"bellisima," she says, almost under her breath. "we can really never go wrong with santo. he made you look like a princess, even if you look like you are going to a funeral."

my insides squirm at the mention of his name. i tried to ignore it, but the fear i felt in that bathroom is coming back full swing. im seeing him tonight. he'll be waiting for me.

"please don't do this again this year," i stiffly begged. "you need to find someone your own age Santo. I'm...I'm not the one."

santo cocks his head to the side and smirks. "and who told you that? who said you're not perfect for me?"

"i don't fucking want you," I hissed. his eyes widen slightly, more out of sick arousal instead of offense.

he advanced on me and i blinked, finding myself pressed against a stall. i whimpered and tried to wriggle out of his grip, but my arms were pinned to the side. oh my God, I'm going to be sick.

"but I want you, and you know that. so why don't you stop playing games," he whispered dangerously close to my ear. i shivered and my nausea kept tugging at my stomach.

"i'm your only chance at a respectable man. your parents already love me. so why don't you accept the love I have for you? you'll never find anyone like me, tesoro."

"i fucking hope so," i whispered, pinching my eyes closed. he moved his face infront of mine, hovering his lips over mine. I whined and wriggle, but he isn't fazed by my struggling.

"you're a big girl now, right?" he said lowly. "i think it's time you feel like a woman."

i snap out of that awful memory when my mother clicks her fingers infront of my face. "come on, hurry up! we are only waiting on you!"

i cant leave san's side tonight. no matter what.

when i get downstairs, my nearly feel the breath getting knocked out of me. he's standing there, looking more handsome than i've ever seen him. black hair slicked back, eyebrows done. the suit is sitting perfectly. its like he's the model here and not me. god i think im going to be sick.

he gives me a small smile but says nothing.

"doesn't she look perfect, amore mio?" my mother says to my father, who only gives an awkward smile of acknowledgement.

"the two of you can sit at the back of the limo. your mother and i will take the two front seats," my father says, then turns to san with a pointed finger. "dont get any ideas, boy. i know your headmaster personally."

san awkwardly laughs. "i would never, sir."

i try not to wonder how true that is. we pile into the limo and my parents keep looking at us through the rearview, making sure there's a significant gap between us. i look over to him and all the anger i felt before is just gone. i think im fucking whipped.

hes the most beautiful man ive ever seen.

"san..."

"you look really pretty," he tells me before i can say anything. saying that with the most expressionless face makes my face drop.

"oh-"

"i just wanted to say that. you really do."

i dont know what to say. the limo is dim so i dont know if he can see how flushed i feel. he leans forward and i think hes about to kiss me. i hope for it. i dont even care if my parents are nearby.

"where are you hiding the stuff?" he whispers. oh right, his drugs.

i show him my sleeves, how the pills are pressed finely between the folds. then i point to my bust. "others are in here," i say.

he chuckles lowly. "creative. you can give me some if you need more space."

if san gets caught with this my parents would end him. everything he worked to achieve would be gone in less than 2 days.

"i think i should keep it. just in case anything happens. you know, rich girl immunity."

san nods and leans back away from me, making me feel empty. "of course."

no words are exchanged between us for a few moments. so we're really going to pretend like the party didnt happen? did that mean it was never going to happen ever again. i dont want to sound desperate but my head is screeching for answers.

but i focus on what matters tonight. putting on a show. getting irina and the others their drugs and collecting payment. and most of all, escaping santo.

"san, can you do me a favour?" i ask.

he hesitates but nods anyway.

"dont leave my side tonight. please."

he rubs the back of his head nervously. "well, i am your date. and i dont know anyone else here."

god. he doesnt realize how bad i need him.thats the thing, i need him more than he needs me. i can never delete what i have on him. i never know when this will go sideways.

the party is at some hotel. when we get there, i can tell the reception is intimidating to san. the cameras, the flashing lights. the security. i grab his hand and he doesnt protest as we go inside. both of us get patted down by security guards, of course the drugs go undetected.

we go inside and the dinner set up is fancy as fuck. i look at san and i cant tell if hes forcing the coolness to not have a panic attack, but his face is blank. i spot irina and the others at a table and wave, my mother dragging us to a separate table with our name on it.

theres a stage with a massive projection screen, where a slideshow of the lingerie collection plays. i know at some point the pictures from the shoot will play out as well. im hoping to sneak off before then because i cant handle the embarrassment.

"so this is your life huh," san mutters next to me. i frown, his tone sounds disappointed.

"whats wrong?" i ask.

"nothing. just...i cant believe it sometimes."

hes been acting so weird. is he insecure? fuck i.dont even know where to start placing questions. my stomach sinks a little at his tone. i guess he'll never get it. he doesnt understand what im really running from. i doubt he ever will. that class disconnect will keep beating our ass.

to him, anything is better than being in a gang. i guess hes right. but that doesnt mean there arent things out there that would make you want to kill yourself. i would know.

santo walks out on the stage and everyone starts clapping like this is the oscars. "good evening everyone, buenos noches, buonasera, and everything else! welcome to the launch of the new Cosa Pericolosa brand. a brand distinct for its dangerous yet delicate beauty, made of the finest Italian lace and silk. i want to thank everyone for coming to celebrate and enjoy this milestone. there will be dancing and there will be a party, saluto!"

as soon as he gets off that stage, i see his face find my parents table. hes coming straight for us. i instantly grab san's hand under the table. he turns to me utterly confused, but i cant deal with that right now.

"mi famiglia!" santo loudly says and kisses my parents on the cheek. he gets to me and does the same, his kiss lingering on me longer than i wanted. i suppress a shiver. "tesoro, you look beautiful in the dress i picked! im so glad to see everyone here!"

"we could not have done it without you, santo!" my mother gushes. "you look so handsome!"

"ah, you are making me shy. it is really you people who are stealing the show, wait till you see how the pictures turned out!" he laughs obnoxiously, turning to smile at me.

"im so glad you are here, tesoro. it is good to finally have you back. your sister would be proud of you."

"thank you, santo." i force a smile. when really i want to scream. dont fucking bring her up, i want to scream it. but i force a stupid, docile smile. fuck if this night goes on for any longer, i might end up doing these drugs myself.

"hold on, who is this," santo finally acknowledges san. he holds out his hand to him. "i am santo falcone. but you can call me santo, you are?"

"that is yaera's date," my mother chimes in as san awkwardly takes his hand. "san choi. he is a classmate."

"oh," santo's smile tightens and he glances at me. "just a classmate?"

my father forces a laugh. "of course. do you know me? she can meet someone when it is time to get married."

santo grips san's hand for an uncomfortable amount of time till he ends up needing to rip it away. "nice to meet you, san choi. excuse me, i will return to you all. i have to greet the other guests and then have them run the music. you all enjoy the night."

he leaves, giving me a weird look before going. is he fucking jealous? does he seriously think he owns me? i dont know how my sister worked with him. hes so fucking creepy and somehow that never came up between us.

irina and the others arrive at our table next, greeting my parents with hugs and kisses. "can we steal yaera for a second? she looks so gorgeous!" claire says, gushing.

"no really, i want to rip that dress off you!" anya says. my mother rolls her eyes and laughs.

"please girls, bring her back in one piece for the show." my mother says. a smirk i know to be devious grows on irina's lips.

"oh we will, dont worry, mrs marino."

im so happy to get up from that table. san grabs my dress and looks up like a lost kid. "where are you going? dont leave me by myself here," he says under his breath.

awww hes so awkward. "ill be right back. dont miss me too much."

his eyes are desperate and his smile is so forced its hilarious. "youre really going to leave me with your parents?"

"dont worry she'll be back!" anya tells him, noticing him holding my dress. "your boyfriend is so clingy, yaera."

i can tell san is trying not to murder her with his glare. not more can be said because im whisked away. we end up in the bathrooms that look like something out of the louvre. anya and claire start taking mirror selfies while irina starts putting the money down on the sink.

"all of it is here, you can count it yourself. now where are the stuff?" she says. i start unrolling my sleeves, taking four of the bags out, getting the other five from my boobs.

anya and claire quickly come scrambling. "oh god, finally!" claire says. "we've been waiting so long."

"is it really that good?" i wonder, their relief is crazy to see. "better than what you already do?"

"alone its okay. but together with what we already do? a fucking trip to the skies," irina shakes her head with a smile. "ive never been so glad to know you, marino."

mixing drugs. that doesnt sound smart. but what do i know? im not the addict.

i smile and take the money, folding it back into my boobs. "youre welcome. and you know if you need more, where to call me."

"of course. and you better answer."

"your boyfriend is so fucking hot yaera," anya says with a sigh. "hes literally gorgeous. where did you find him?"

"careful, you cougar. you cant be talking about an 18 year old like that," i joke.

"im not even twenty three shut the fuck up!" she shoves at my shoulder.

"so he is your boyfriend?" claire smiles. the three of them coo like children when i start blushing.

"im getting there guys," i say. "hopefully soon."

"what do his parents do? he looks like a model himself." claire says.

"you know this is yaera, hes probably crazy as fuck. like the last one, what was his name?" irina chimes in with a snort. "i bet this one is the reason she has drugs in the first place."

i scowl at her. shes right but i hate that she read me so easily. "bitch, just enjoy my services. goddamn it you people are nosy."

she raises an eyebrow. "am i right though?"

i roll my eyes and start to leave, saluting on my way out. "im getting back now to my date now, goodbye ladies."

luckily when i get out, theres music playing and people are on the floor. san is sitting alone by the table, taking random sips out of a champagne glass. im so excited. i actually got money back for us. i throw my hands onto his shoulders and smile widely, unable to hold my excitement.

"so guess who collected their first payment?"

san's eyes widen. "all the money there?"

"every last note. so i think to celebrate we should dance."

san frowns and cringes. "i dont dance. im fine here."

i roll my eyes and grab his hand, pulling him up with a hard tug. "is it a sin for you to do ANYTHING fun? the music is playing and we have something to celebrate, come on."

he sighs and gives in with a lame smile. "fine."

i lead him to the dancefloor, swinging my arms around his neck. san's hands drop to my lowerback as we sway and i cant ignore the happiness bubbling in my brain. i cant stop smiling.

"you seem really happy," he notes. "you're getting a big head from your first payment huh?"

"of course. its just what i needed to prove myself to you. that i can pull my weight and that im not just some liability."

"i never said that-"

"yes you did san. many times." i remind him, and his cheeks flush from.embarrassment. "i can even quote you on it if you want?"

"please dont," he chuckles under his breath. "fine, i guess you can pull your weight."

his dimples are piercing through. i stare at him mesmerized and i cant even hide it. i bet if i was a cartoon in this very moment, i'd be having stars in my eyes.

"you're perfect, you know that?" i say without thinking.

san's eyes widen, then darken in seconds. "what?" his voice is just barely together.

"i want to kiss you again," i admit. "i think its all i'll want for a really long time."

i lightly stroke his cheeks, seeing them go rosey. this is all i have. the only thing that shows me that i do affect him.

his eyes dart down to my lips and i shrink the distance between us, till we're just barely a centimeter apart.

"i dont want you to think about it," i tell him. "just do whatever you want in the moment. thats all that matters."

"yaera..." he gulps, then takes a step back. "i-i dont know about this. lets just...this isnt good. for either of us."

"says who?" i scoff.

"says me. you and i should just stay business partners. strictly business. anything else wont end well for either of us."

hearing that makes my heart shatter and my stomach drop. fuck i can feel my eyes filling with water. i try to choke.it down but i know its obvious.

"so you're just gonna.pretend we never kissed at that party?" i lay down my arms from his neck. "youre just going to pretend that never happened?"

san stops dancing and gives me a curt nod. "i think its best we do. we both know i just represent something to you. something forbidden. thats why you want me right? because im someone you cant have."

i laugh bitterly. "i cant fucking believe you."

i feel a tear drop. san sees it and frowns. "yaera wait-"

i swat his hands away from me. "you are such a fucking dick."

i get off the dancefloor and run somewhere. i dont know where. im just walking, looking for a place to break down and sob. god this is so embarrassing. im so fucking pathetic.

i stop infront of a random room and twist the door handle. its unlocked, thank god. i go inside and fall onto the bed, my chest instantly getting wrecked. i start sobbing horrifically, unable to believe how awful i feel right now.

whats wrong with me. what is legitimately wrong with me. why was he so cold? am i not pretty enough for him or something? this cant just be about the business. i refuse to believe it. and even if it is, why do i feel so worthless?

everytime jongho has rejected me and made me feel like nothing but a stupid slut flashes infront of me. the feeling stabs me like a knife.

that must be it. thats probably what he sees me as. a stupid, desperate evil slut. all i do is throw myself at him. even at that party, i couldnt wait to be all over him. im pathetic. and desperate. i should just die.

my gloves are soaked. i cant believe how much im crying. maybe i should go back to therapy. maybe i wasnt coping as well as i thought i was.

i look up into the mirror stand, seeing my make up absolutely ruined. my entire face is red, and my hair is sticking to my soaked cheeks. i look like shit.

suddenly i remember why i stayed away from men in the first place. because im too fucking sensitive. my mood depends on them. my self worth is a reflection of how much they like me. they control whether i feel emotional highs and emotional lows.

i start laughing at myself. i cant believe i got myself into this kind of fuckery again.

the door opens suddenly, making me jolt. santo comes in and closes the door behind him, smiling tightly. i jerk up and start stumbling back, backing myself into a wall to be far away from him.

"what are you doing here?" i ask, my voice shaking.

"i saw you dancing with that...child," he slowly laughs, his tone sounding bitter. "you have no business being with someone like him, tesoro."

"santo-"

"do you know how fucking sick i felt?" he snaps, stalking like a dangerous animal. "seeing you with him? while you wear the dress i picked out for you?"

being alone was a mistake. i try to dart for the door but he grabs me and picks me up, covering my mouth with his hand. he throws me onto the bed, forcing his bodyweight on top of me. im frozen, i cant move. every karate class ive taken, all my knowledge on hurting someone just vanishes. hes on top of me and i cant move.

im sobbing again. he presses his finger to my lip, hushing me.

"i should be the only one who takes this dress off you tonight," he whispers. he starts lowering the top, leaving the top of my chest exposed. "dont cry, tesoro, you'll feel so much better after. ive been waiting for this for so long..."

"no please, santo," i beg through my tears. "please just leave me alone. please just-"

theres a few knocks on the door. "yaera, is that you? can i come in?"

that's san's voice. santo clamps his palm over my lips again and i scream.through them. its muffled. i start struggling and kicking but he wont get off me. he forces his hand harder. "fucking stop," he growls at me.

the door swings open anyway. san barges in and santo quickly jumps off me, suddenly on the other side of the room. san looks between us, frozen in his feet.

"what, did anyone say you could fucking come in?" santo screams. san stays staring between us, his face absolutely blank. santo scoffs and adjusts his suit jacket before storming out and slamming the door.

i sit up on the bed, looking at san through blurry eyes. i cant even find my voice. i cant even deal with what just happened.

"did he try..." san trails off, shaking his head at me. he rushes to sit down next to me. i cant help it, as soon as he wraps his arms around me i start bawling again.

"i cant fucking breathe. san please i just want to get away from here. please can we just leave."

he softly rubs the side of my head as he holds my face in his chest. "lets go. we'll go away from here. far away from.here. anywhere."

***

san

i dont even know where to start.

yaera and i ordered an uber from the hotel, disappearing with the permission of her father, saying she felt sick and she needed to go home. they werent happy but yaera's distraught face convinced them. they have no idea what the fuck happened tonight. they were sitting with that same guy that night.

hell, i dont even know what happened. but i could put two and two together.

yaera and i havent said a word to each other. shes passed out on my chest all the way to my apartment. i have to carry her on the way in. i have to put her down on her feet when its time to go into my apartment, and she hangs on my arm the entire time.

"you sure you fine with this?" i ask her. she nods wordlessly.

i let her inside, and she makes her way to my bed where she falls hopelessly. i go and sit down beside her, not knowing what to say. i dont know any words that can fix what happened tonight.

i know so much about her, but tonight...it made me realize i know nothing.

"this isnt the first time it happened," she says, her voice low and defeated. "the first time he did it...i was fifteen. he touched the inside of my thigh in a dressing room and kept trying it till i never went back. i never told my parents...or my sister."

i dont say anything. i let her speak.

"he told me he would never let me go. that he was in love with me. he tried so many times. at my own house. and everytime i would end up in the hospital...my parents would blame me. they would say that i was acting out. i didnt know how to tell them. they treated santo better me and my sister. hes a saint to them."

i feel my head heating up. a rich prick predator piece of shit. he deserves to disappear. he deserves to fucking rot.

i bet miss A could make a bastard like him disappear really quickly.

i take her hand and gently rub my thumb over her knuckles. i feel terrible. the only reason he was able to follow her was because of me.

"so thats why you asked me to not leave your side," i realized. "so you wouldnt be alone with him."

"he gets jealous of every man who comes near me," yaera's tears leak onto my pillow. "i thought if he saw you...he would really leave me alone this time. but it just...it made him more aggressive. he tried to..."

i pull her up and bring her into another hug, gripping her tightly. it felt like if i let her go that i'd never hold her again. that feeling terrifies me. i hate it so much.

"i'll never let him hurt you again," i swear. "i'll fucking kill him. just say the word and i will."

"i want him off my skin, san," she tells me pleadingly. "i dont want to feel him ever again. i want to scratch my skin off and be clean. i want to feel clean again."

"you arent dirty, yaera. hes the fucking filthy one for putting his hands on you," i hold her face in my hands. shes delicate, like porcelain. her eyes, that are usually so menacing and careless are filled with sadness. "youre perfect. you dont deserve that, dont for a second blame yourself. you're perfect, do you hear me?"

"if im so perfect then why dont you want me?" she whimpers. my blood runs cold. fuck how can she hit me with such a heavy loaded question.

theres no point in lying anymore. this is the last situation where i can lie.

"im scared," i admit. "im scared of you. and this. and everything. ive never had something like this, ive never had someone this close to me. i dont know how to handle it. ive been alone for so long i dont know how to let anyone be near me. i never let myself have anything. i always let go."

"please let me be there," she whispers in a tone i cant refuse. "please dont let me go. let yourself have this. let yourself have me."

my chest hurts. this night isnt going at all how i thought it would. its too much. i dont know what to say to yaera. i find my eyes feeling heavy. she takes my face in her hands again and i know she wants to kiss me. fuck it, this is the worst time. but at this point, there isnt ever a right time.

i go in for it and kiss her first. her lips are soft and velvety, and she melts against mine instantly. we start to lose our softness, with yaera pulling me closer and closer. its like she wants to take all the oxygen out of me. her kiss is hard, like a cry for help, like im all the air she'll ever need.

she breaks the kiss and drags her lips down my neck, making me shudder. yaera makes her way onto my lap and i dont fight it, her legs wrapping around me tightly as her dress rides up her thighs.

the kisses turn hot and i feel my brain losing sense. this wont end here, i know it. i want to stop it. i drag my willpower from the floor to break our kiss and she stares at me, frowning with swollen lips.

"is this really a good time?" i ask seriously. "you're really emotionally vulnerable right now. after what happened tonight, do you really think-"

"san," she interrupts me, pressing another kiss to my lips. "my life has been one big emotional fucked up moment, i want to forget. i want to have this, im so fucking dead inside. i want to feel alive again."

she stops showering me with warm pecks and looks me dead in the eye. "will you give me that?"

i hold her face again. my chest feels warm thinking about how no one sees her like this. her pain. but she trusts me enough. she lets me see it.

"i'll give you whatever you want tonight. i promise."

those words were all she needed. yaera slides her hands over my chest, pushing the suit jacket off. her hands move fast, flicking open every button till my chest is bare.

she presses her lips to mine again, her fingers tugging at my hair. i moan at the pull, surprising myself and her. she breaks the kiss and smiles down at me.

"i could get used to that sound," she teases. something stirs in me. she's so hot.

i move my hands to the back of her dress, finding the zipper. i dont break eye contact, and her smile only grows as the dress starts falling apart on her.

i slowly drag my lips down her neck, and she lets out a shiver. i fight my smile and continue to leave hot, soft kisses down her shoulder, moving down to her barely hidden cleavage. yaera harshly pulls the dress down, having rolls of money fall out and exposing her chest.

***

yaera

san stares at me after my boobs stare at him. there's a dazed look in his eyes that disappears once he lowers his mouth onto my one boob and grabs a hand full of the other.

i throw my head back, lost in a cloud after feeling his warm mouth. he starts sucking and massaging, rolling circles over my nipple. this is heaven. or something close to it definetely.

i feel my thighs tightening, warmth seeping down from my lower stomach. i try to stifle my moans, my mouth just barely gasping. he looks up at me, pausing on his motion. "you dont have to hold back. i told you i'll give you anything you want tonight," he whispers.

i hold his face with both my hands, feeling like i could cum from just staring into his eyes. "i only want you," i admit direly. i'll take anything he gives me. "but rubbing on you would be nice too."

he leans back, making me yearn. "okay, open wider."

hearing those words just makes me hotter. i get up from his lap and completely remove my dress, both of us just ignoring all the money on the floor. san's eyes hang on my every movement. im in nothing but black lace, and i dont waste time in throwing myself on his lap again, legs parted and ready.

he brings his lips to mine again, both softly and yet completely taking them as his own. his hand slips between my thighs, slowly trailing up like hes carressing fragile ceramics. i shiver as he gets closer to me, his hand finally slipping onto the base of me. he drags his thumb down my clothed folds, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

i try to focus on kissing him, dragging my teeth down to his neck. i lose myself when he starts rubbing me with both fingers, feeling that jolt of warmth coursing through me.

my mouth is parted as my face is buried in his neck, pathetic whimpers pumping out of me. san starts going in circles, right in the perfect spot. i do myself the favour and move the fabric to the side, his warm fingers completely melting inside me as he pumps them in and out.

i know im doomed when i hear myself squelching. his rhythm is perfect, not too slow and not too fast, just enough for me to completely feel him and fade cloudily. i feel my high coming, my thighs starting to tense and my grip on him tightening. i start to kiss him frantically, till san keeps pushing his fingers faster. i feel like a hot coil, going and going till before i know it, im dripping all over his fingers.

i collapse onto his lap and he slowly drags them out, and i hear him prop them into mouth. i look at him with an accomplished smile on my face, shaking my head.

"you sick fuck, did you just taste me?"

san shrugs with a small smile on his face. "yeah, can you blame me?"

i cant contain myself, i kiss him again. i dont even feel close to done. "let me do something for you now?" i say against his lips.

"mmm mmm," san shakes his head, gently gripping my waist. "i just want you to feel good. do you?"

i nod. "i feel better than ever. but really, you dont want anything?"

he lets out a heavy sigh. "i didnt want to tell you this, but you feeling things makes me...feel things."

oh he just became ten times hotter.

i realize it now, while sitting so close to him, i can feel his massive boner poking me through his pants. i smirk to myself, getting an idea.

"oh no, you have that look on your face again," san mutters, moving my hair back. "what are you thinking?"

"readjust your friend. so i can sit on him."

san goes quiet, but i can feel him pulsing underneath me. its sensation is sending me into fucking heat all over again.

"i dont think we should go too far," he says. "dont get me wrong, i want to. i really do. but i dont think you're feeling hundred percent...after everything."

my smirk drops. i dont want to think of him. not right now. not while i have san's hands all over me. but i guess its not a good look if i do just jump his bones after everything that happened.

he holds my face in his hands and squeezes after i say nothing. "and dont think its because you're not pretty or anything. seriously, i dont know why you would even say that."

i shrug. my black and white state of thinking has never really helped me.

san picks up a pillow up and tosses it against the wall. "come on, lets fall asleep. we can talk again in the morning."

"okay," i mutter. i dont know what else to say. i get off him and and crawl into his bed. san follows after, his hot skin completely blanketing me as he puts his arm over my body and draws me against him.

"are you gonna act like nothing happened tomorrow again?" i ask.

silence.

"no. stop worrying."

his curt words dont register in my brain, because he places a warm kiss on my shoulder. it doesnt take me long to completely drift to sleep.

***

wooyoung

wooyoung knows he fucked up. he knows its all fucked up, he just doesnt know when he's going to tell san about it.

miss A is looking at him with cold eyes, he cant even utter a word because of the fear inside him. seonghwa is sprawled out on a broken couch, horrific burns all over him. hes barely alive, but he had it in him enough to tell everyone about what went down at the warehouse.

"changbin is dead, you know this right?" miss A tells him.

"yes, ma'am," he utters pathetically.

"so you know what you and lucky have to do."

he knows he cant stay a bitch in this gang for long. he knows its going to get real. petty stuff is all wooyoung is used to. extortion, scamming people. when he watched yunho die, a fear he thought was so far away just flashed infront of his eyes. he knew he'd come to be on the other end someday.

"you find that man...and you bring me his hand. or else, i'll have yours."

***

A/N: pls this chapter was a mess im sorry and it took forever to write , the next will be better 😭😭😭😭

NEXT CHAPTER

tagslist: @yujispinkhair @brown88 @sansonlygf

[irl-dogboy]

finally got around to making a toy universe s/i for buzz......... woaowwww so cool. autism rambling under the cut<3

ok. her name is ocean explorer lyra, shes sorta like a knockoff barbie who specializes in diving and marine biology :-3

design/toy info: - she's got articulation points at her shoulders, elbows, hips, knees and ankles. i know that doesnt make sense for the time but idc i do what i want. - i know barbies are designed to be ok in water but i imagine because shes meant to be a diver shes like MEANT to be played with in the bath...idk enough about dolls to know if there would be any differences in her design maybe her clothing items are more waterproof or something - her hair is a mix of doll hair, fabric ribbons and plastic bits! gives her a sort of mermaid vibe! - all ocean explorer lyras come with her best friend and exploring buddy marina the orca! marina is like a squeaky bath toy thing, you can fill her with water and squeeze and itll spray out of her blowhole :-) - the bag on marina's back includes her scuba diving gear, as in the box lyra just has her full wetsuit on! (2nd outfit in the pic above) there are also clothing sets available with a diving dress (those old diving suits) and an on-land version! - has a lil scar on her face from a previous owner! ok in the actual story: i cant really decide whether i would have her be gifted to molly (andys sister) or bonnie, but i think the idea of toys being given to a child a bit too old or young for them is really cool! so i want that to happen. so she's obviously meant to be for kids older than bonnie/molly so i want her to be bought from an old secondhand store and given as a gift from an aunt or other family member. she's had multiple owners already, she knows how it goes, she's just excited to inspire another kid to love the ocean and exploration and adventure! and shes like YEAH HI NICE TO MEET YOU I LOVE THE OCEAN IM SO READY TO LEARN ABOUTTHE OCEAN WITH THIS KID and it turns out that bonnie/molly isnt ready yet! or like knows about the ocean but is going too slow. and she has to come to terms with the fact that not every kid is going to do the same things or go at her pace :-3 and i think buzz helps with that ehehehe. obv no buzzjessie (I LOVE YOU BUZZJESSIE NO HATETO BUZZJESSIE SO REAL) but i think lyra is like "ummmmmmso i know/i heard that you and buzz had like.... um a thing...." and jessie just SLAPS her back and goes "THATS OLD NEWS GO GET EM TIGER SHARK"

uh yeah thats the autism dose today

[livecharliereaction]

gonna be a long ahh post

ill try to see if theres anything strange for all of them but i dont remember all alibis n circumstances etc im using the red truths + question arc tip screen oki thats all i have Well i have my liveblogs too but that doesnt seem useful. first ep didnt have red truths yet but im quite sure it had to have been natsuhi or maria so

this was natsuhi + krauss + eva + hideyoshi + rudolf + kyrie

rosas definitely weird in ep2 i very vividly recall her BEING in that chapel too but i could be misremembering that part. though beatrice was there

this whole ordeal was a little strange i wish i remembered who exactly witnessed her bcs i feel like it wasnt just natsuhi n servants... Kyrie definitely saw her yes? I dont know what to make of it. What a cute outfit though shes so cute

also these mentions on shannon n kanon ep2 descs Awh

kanons key or servant involvement seeing as none of the others were first 6

kanon n jessica couldve killed each other Why? Who knows But someone carried kanons body out

"no one is hiding (regarding jessicas room)" STop i wouldve said that too im just like him i cant diss his abilities anymore.

Oh but also "kanon was killed in this room" =/= "kanon was killed in this room at that time" Im thinking about the scene where he "reappears" again i think its been said theres no disguise stuff so maybe

am i confusing the scenes because "theres no corpse" What happened in the doctors room???? when they saw him come back and bury his fingers to that wound i wouldve said he mightve died at that moment but then whats with the corpse. Girl

i miss her so much shes so funny "You are incompetent" in red is crazy

Beato:(.......

rosa had the keys yeahhhhhh i dont exactly remember Why i thought she was weird at the time but it was probably her. She was running around w the rifle too Well thats all for ep2 anyway

wtf even was charumi3 that was evas time to shine yes

Its definitely dead

None of the six committed suicide! hmm the weird linked one i remember it Though. Isnt "The six died instantly" incorrect in kinzos case if he was already dead... Since its a separate statement it doesnt have to refer to those six yes?? So maybe one of them besides kinzo didnt die instantly... Like battler suggested w a chain murder or one person going around to make up the chained rooms

Then theyd have a key too... girl i dont remember what eva was doing at this time also

at that point eva was supposedly in her room w a headache while witch eva was killing them so yeah doesnt look great for eva That servant things still possible too + rosa might as well have killed maria though idk who killed rosa in that case

eva did not kill hideyoshi... servant thing still strong and also wtf was kyrie thinking here anyway might as well blame her n then say eva killed kyrie but i forgor where eva was here again oopsie

"No life forms other than humans have any connection to this game" seems like a witch denying phrase but ok i guess its not a life form then

Lol. Once again kinzo thing makes this not matter... Though there go all my servants dawg maybe that was only for first twilight then

that is worrying. Do you think kanon n shannons names being pseudonyms affects the red truth. "shannon is dead" What if shannon is the idea of her servitude to the family and she threw it away for some reason and that way theres a Sayo who is killing people and doesnt really break the truths "shannon is dead" OR "there are no more than 18 humans on this island" All that goes for kanon too im just pretending that i didnt spoil myself his real name haha. Well kanon even more so since they made him appear and all but that couldve been jessicas delusion too...

she used to have so much fun that beato...

also even if eva was confirmed to not be involved in nanjos death that doesnt negate she couldve done well.everything else heart

thought about "Because of your sin, people die." a lot yesterday... The part about it not being about or with beatrice is of course very confusing and weird But yeah i cant even guess except apparently hes the reason the game exists? Or at least the reason it goes on or more specifically "cause of the eternal torture between us"

I dont understand how it could be about anything else BUT beatrice but ok. Maybe he was mean to maria like ange. But maria was literally 3 years old at that point... I guess he left the family 6 years ago but im having a terrible time trying to understand whats wrong with that really I guess asumu isnt blood related to him afterall but it cant be this great big sin beefing with rudolf u know. Id think his comebacks the reason the cerenomy was seen fit to be carried out (thinking about the amount of people) but angie wouldve normally been there instead of him anyway so the amount of people is the same and its over 14 anyway (13 sacrifices + whoevers imitating the epitaph) so i dont really understand blinks

i like when he goes Ah ngagh nnnghhh aaghh...!!! this vn loves to make people roar also They do it all the time. battler n beato do it the most but eva and many others always roaring too

also??? according to the wiki they didnt use red truth at all in ep3 until this point thats crazy i guess beato really WAS more careful about it

oh ange i miss u

i cant even tell what the first ones about theres no game record in ep4 tips how annoying <- doesnt remember at all what happened. Well ange was there uhh.

nvm its definitely about this one. I seriously remember nothing there was so much ange ange ange it was all eyes on ange.... I might reread my liveblogs

OH YEAH it was ppl supposedly witnessing kinzo killing everyone. Although uh "all ... acknowledged the presence of kinzo" Thats very different from "kinzo was there n killed everyone"... It couldve been in spirit or even if his corpse was there. Also last ones crazy u can just change that well i guess they were counting a corpse then

thats crazy confusing combined with knoxs rule about no accidents... what is left...

STOP. THERE GO BOTH OF MY SUSPECTS STOP IT

none of these negate kanon n rosa culprit yeah?

omfg wtf theres an image limit let me do the rest in another post

[tapewormreproduction]

protag + some guys from my new story im cooking up Summary is "(Protag) goes to small town's decrepit abandoned manor in the woods to take up an apprenticeship of studying the paranormal under this mentor guy but when she arrives, he's missing. Now she's got to figure out what the fuck happened to him & meets a bunch of monsters around the place & has crazyyy gay sex lets goooooo"

please look forwards to when in 20 years i make it a real visual novel wooo

a bit about each guy below so this post doesnt get too long

The protagonist is the first one, she's a trans woman, idk what her outfit will be yet. She's a little silly, can be serious though if need be this paranormal stuff is serious after all.

The one next to her is the Forest Guardian (? idk if ill keep that name for them), they just hang out in the forest and is curious about what's going on with the protag so they hang out. They're a combination of plant and animal. Can shape shift but will remain like... a weird plant animal guy.

2nd picture is The Fairy King, want it to be Flowers and Bugs to contrast the Forest Guardian... It tends to get fascinated by anything and likes to be a little mischievous. doing a few tricks And such. but not really Actively Malicious.

3rd picture is the vampire ghost that haunts the manor. she's actively malicious. she's having a bad time, remembers nothing of her life other than feeling really mad and is now just really mad. isn't particularly strong so she can't really even do much just gets mad about that. She's tethered to something in the basement, but she can't go down there, so she doesn't know what it is.

4th is Baphomet (? think ill keep that name for her), she's the devil summoned in the basement and turned it into a funny hell zone. She's silly and only malicious in a silly way. Above all is silly. Does everything for the fun of it. Can change her appearance up as she wants.

[assaultvvyvern]

"so much for fairy dust" / ygo winx au / intro

or also: where i put my blorbos in wings and sparkly outfits and make them go through emotional hell

notes!

"what do you mean emotional hell aint this the magical girl fairy show" yes :)

this isnt a 1:1 retelling for both medias, i mostly retell the duel monsters story but set in the magical universe, with plot and worldbuilding elements of both. there are 8 "seasons" and one "movie".

both og and 4kids versions of both medias will be taken into consideration for ideas and such

the worldbuilding is also not a 1:1 of winx but an expanded version of it, with both changes and additions. basically whatever the winx fandom has been doing for the past three years. theres going to be another post for worldbuilding that im eventually going to link in a masterpost

there are some ocs but they have minimal roles or are inspired by a version of the character (like s0 yami)

took some liberty with ages and family relations for storytelling reasons (atem and yuugi are brothers as theyre basically daphne and bloom, so are ryou and yamiba, mokuba and seto are older than the gang BUT STILL BIG BRO AND LITTLE BRO)

this is an intro post for whoever is interested so it like, doesnt have all the details ofc

stuff under cut!!

basics

yuugi is basically the bloom of the au: has lived with his (unknowingly to him not biological) grandfather since he can remember, helped him manage his game shop in the city of gardenia. he's actually the lost prince of the kingdom of domino (shocker!) and a fairy. theres this weird spirit clad in gold with a mask and spiky hair begging him to help him remember who he is and which speaks to him in his dreams. no hes not going to unpack that yet

jonouchi (who is on the run and using the name joey) is saved by yuugi awakening his powers during a fight exactly like stella is saved by bloom. jou is also a fairy of the sun and moon. said fight is against rishid, who was supposed to get the "ring of solaria" from jou, who then refused, so he had to resort to drastic measures (*malik voice* "get his ass")

yuugi goes to alfea with jou!! boy has two invites which he stole for himself (and shizuka in case she ever found out she was a fairy jic), and so yuugi can get in. for some reason all the professors look at him weird (save him). also everyone keeps talking about the anniversary of this "fall of domino" which happened 16 years ago and he doesnt know why he gets shivers everytime he thinks abt it

there he meets his and jou's roommates for the rest of the year!! anzu (princess of lynphea and fairy of nature), honda (ex-specialist who just awakened his fairy form and transfered from red fountain, fairy of metals from zenith) and ryou (fairy of sounds from melody). they all get along immediately although with some awkwardness. with this, the plot starts setting into motion, and its a mix of winx s1 and duelist kingdom

alfea is run by pegasus, who was the vice-headmaster before his wife cynthia, former headmaster, died in the fall of domino while trying to help civilians. he's as spoiled and weird as in canon and as obsessed with his goal to bring her back. he's a fairy of imagination

the rest of the faculty isnt really fond of him tbh. especially newly appointed technomagic and draconology professor seto kaiba, who is also the crown prince of the planet of zenith and fairy of dragons. many thought he wasnt ready to take a seat in the faculty as he isnt a guardian fairy or even earned the charmix power up, but he's one of the smartest and best students they've ever had, so *of course* he managed to get it. being filthy rich also helped.

(kaibacorp is still a thing here, and seto is still ceo. however here gozaburo is alive and king of zenith, and thus he still watches over seto like an hawk. he will die eventually ofc but i wanted to explore how seto would be like in adulthood if gozaburo was still around, although a distant threat. dw, the "losing is death" thing still gets drilled into seto's head)

rule of thumb for every student and teacher is: do not ask professor kaiba about his time at alfea, he really doesnt want to think about it. others will tell you he was close friends with current queen of andros ishizu ishtar (fairy of waves and nymph of andros) and deceased crown prince of domino atem, former fairy and nymph of the dragon flame.

mokuba is a specialist. he has graduated and completed his knighthood training at redfountain for a while, and is now an assistant to both his brother and the redfountain headmaster for all magic-school related bs. he may be older than in canon but hes still baby And a little shit. and! he and seto are still two peas in a pod <3

other than alfea and redfountain, of course there is the school for witches: cloudtower. the headmaster is tkb, here named yuzuru (fake name!!!), an extremely powerful dark witch of sands, nobody knows his true age. one of their best students is mai valentine, a witch of storms from callisto who is finishing up her last year and thinks the concept of covens is lame and overrated

"yeah but whos the trix" well i mean three people who are/have been antagonists and would have beef with the protagonists for personal reasons but also would work really well with each other as characters and have a fun and even slightly dramatic synergy bc of the fuckery between them all. tl;dr:

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. Am I just dumb or do the lo fans who insist we "see" how powerful Persephone is are actually lying? Because sure we'vr see big trees and once or twice seen "wild" vegetation, but have we ever actually SEEN her use her powers? and no the AOW doesn't count since that wasn't her actually doing it willingly (such a dumb retcon). IDK it seems like we've seen more instances of  Hades using their powers all the time yet we've never actually seen the supposed "chosen one" Persephone once use her own.

2. It's so frustrating how there's no reflection on Rachel nor the fandom's part for how Eros is depicted. When he's around Persephone he starts acting more "feminine" and even gets design-wise to look more "feminine" with his posing, eyelashes, beauty marks, and slimed down with more androgynous clothes, but as soon as he's with Psyche he's depicted as much taller, muscular, and in darker more "manly" outfits with chiseled features. I don't even think it's intentional, but it's very hmm induing.

3. At the begging of LO RS made it seem like Persephone didn’t have many friends or that her friends were kinda just spies for Demeter so she kept them at arms length, where we’d see that Artemis is suppose to be her first “real friend” and I guess Eros too? But no this whole time she had dead flower nymphs that didn’t get named almost 200 episodes in; and after mentioning said dead flower Nymphs Persephone wants to watch Hades’ first meeting with herself where she was naked/he was drunk so they can have a laugh. 

4. NGL I want RS to cover the Trojan War bc I want to see what absolutely stupid ideas she'd put into it but also I just know she'd make Helen hashtag Empowered™️ by wanting Paris and being complacent in the deaths of thousands and be weirdly anti Menelaus who is clearly the bad guy here but also she'd make sure Helen's "beauty" is in comparing her to Persephone because of course you can't have anyone be hotter than her. I can see it vividly and it's horrendous.

5. I mean idk making LO be 100 give or take episodes would have probably been for the better. Im not saying it couldnt be a bit longer than that, but she's basically restarted the whole story 200+ episodes in, so there's really no excuse to claim she HAD to have all these episodes when other popular webtoons got their stories done in a good way without such an excessive amount. IMHO A short but strong story is so much better than a dragged out, weak story like LO has turned into.

6. TBH I'm surprised LO hasn't done a "cancellation' plotline yet. I can see it now, Hades ranting the media is trying to ruin Persephone's reputation and trying to take away all her prospects and shaming her for the harmless crime of mass murder. Probably throw in some "it is misogyny to critique her" for good measure and with zero reflection as he's in his massive mansion as he gets rich off ongoing slave labor. I feel like just off her handling of Thanatos we'll get it eventually.

7. I was going to say why is there never any gay renderings of HxP only to remember than one MLM comic on Canvas that just rips off LO down exact plot points and the only major WLW version i've seen was a book so hyper violent towards Persephone (with female Hades?? loving to abuse her??) and hateful of Demeter it actually made me sick to my stomach. Anyway outlaw HxP retellings i've had ENOUGH 🗣

8. the fans claiming "rachel is giving persephone a CHOICE" which like for one, who says she has the authority? but even then she's still, you know, a fictional character, she doesnt have agency by the mere fact she's fiction, so at the very least it has to be written into her character to make choices within the narrative, but rachel doesnt even do that? stuff just HAPPENS to persephone and she doesnt react, she's just yanked along. rachel doesnt even write her to make choices, she just exists.

9. its funny rachel claims LO is some empowering feminist story when its like, even barring the clear fact its NOT, the "feminism" is basically the "more 👏🏽 female 👏🏽 CEOS 👏🏽"logic of not actually fixing old power structures and creating equality. the system doesnt need to change, it just needs to be more accessible, which doesnt actually fix anything. making persephone be another CEO doesnt make it suddenly feminist, she's just now profiting from an unfair system like the men already do.

10. People are calling Hades "Persephone's husband" 🤡 yes we all know how it will end but at this point he is merely a guy she knew for 3 weeks 10 years ago. Calling him husband is ridiculous.

[angryborzois]

Attempt at drawing my jjk oc akira whos supposed to be sugurus sister but i fucking cant draw her right

(YK WHAT JUST PRETEND SHE LOOKS LIKE SUGURU OK)

apparently the glasses change the impression a lot

Also her without glasses and black hair just for fun

i wanted suguru and akira to look really similar in terms of eye shape; like that resemblance u can see between shinichiro and mikey from TR

i still have to think of a casual outfit, combat outfit, uniform that she wont even wear, and alternative looks because ik she def changes her hairstyle/hair color a lot, etc etc

other notes,,, shes def tall (i meann it would be funny if i made her short in contrast to her brother but that would be sad so no); shes prob like 175 cm or smthin

she's definitely logical and smart like her brother but ik for fact she has a reckless "idc about the consequences" side like when she gets heated during an argument or fight or smthing; she wont hesitate to throw hands in that scenario

shes a super good fighter but mainly because shes used to throwing hands in the streets

def got a shock when she naively challenged yuji to a fight to prove an argument but lost instantly

i think maki respects her (either that or they're rivals for some reason) and i feel like toge likes her for some reason?? idk, akira just randomly gives off "toges crush" vibes 😭

akira goes by a different last name like maybe her mothers maiden name,,, i imagine like some common name like murakami or something

i feel like akira is good with tools and making things or maybe even mechanical stuff (maybe thats just me being too influenced by tokyorev idk)

i imagine she is very well-liked by animals

oh and her cursed technique might have something to do with taking other peoples cursed energy temporarily or something; im not sure yet

while i dont think shes short tempered she can be very impatient at times

she wants people to see her for who she is and not her brother

she likes to aimlessly go places; sometimes she'll just get on a train and let it take her somewhere far

occasionally she'll spend the night in that random city and sleep in a park or something

once she took toge with her and toge secretly thought of it as a date 💀

i think if toge ever confesses then he would mercilessly get rejected 😔 but with good reasons tho, like reputations and all (i ship these two for no reason ☠️)

i might redraw her idk 😭she doesnt look very similar to suguru in my opinion

bye i feel myself getting pulled back into that jjk phase

[youtubepoop2009]

Hi! I saw your YS remake designs and became very curious; does it have a full story? Introductions to the characters? Any fun facts? Sorry if this is weird but I love your designs !

hi anon! first off just wanna say thanks for the message! so my yansim "remake" does have a bit of story, though its not totally complete or anything. since im gonna drop a ton of lore stuff here im putting it under the cut

so to start off i changed the setting a bit from YS, while a high school setting has some pros (clubs, easier to research, uniforms so i dont have to design an outfit for everyone) the fact that this limited their age wasnt jiving with me, so most of the characters attend a yobikou, a type of school where students prepare to take university exams, many of them graduated from high school but failing the exams the first time. this setting has some benefits as well (justifiable low student count, school exams gives most characters a motivation). some of the characters are still high school students though. also i drew everyone with a school uniform but im not sure yobikos have that so i may get rid of that (still researching lol). also this takes place in the (real) city of shizuoka in japan (bc i dunno if i can make up a city in a place ive never lived in).

the yandere in question is miyako umehara, who's about 18-19 and pretty much failed her entrance exams on purpose to follow her high school crush. on the outside she seems pretty sociable and kind, but (1) does not like to be inconvenienced/things not going as she plans, (2) she can manipulate people pretty easily, and (3) only fears consequences when they "blow her cover". on top of that she's very sadistic, jealous, and possessive, but she can easily mask this.

as for the "senpai" (not sure if this term is appropriate for setting?), his name is hizashi amano and he's 19-20. hes actually quite smart but failed the entrance exam twice (because of weird circumstances i havent figured out yet lol) and is now worried that his parents are about to stop supporting him. he is not as able to mask him getting irritated easily toward other people so others have the impression he is rude, but he really isnt and is actually pretty empathetic.

i also made a male counterpart to miyako and a female counterpart to hizashi, so like in YS (sort of) you could have whatever couple. i call them counterparts bc i didnt make them exactly the same, they have some differences from the original. for their designs i was trying to go for a sort of night/day dichotomy?

the first "rival" (who is kinda supposed to be like a tutorial rival if this was a game) is hizashi's younger sister honoka amano, who is a 3rd year high school student (they can sometimes attend yobiko part time). she can be considered a rival because she is sabotaging her brother's chances at getting an s/o as revenge for something trivial probably. she's unkillable, it's probably best for miyako to get her on her side anyway.

The rest of the rivals are romantic:

momoka amari - former cooking club leader (and shes godlike at cooking), sweet caring onee-san type, unfazed by hizashi's brashness. not really the academic type, loses track of time and naps frequently.

masami kanze - aspiring actress, relates to hizashi in that she feels she is soon to lose her parents' support, uses a haughty and conceited persona to cover her insecure and fragile inner self, despite this she doesnt look down on other people and those close to her say shes actually pretty nice!

ameya kurogiri - socially awkward, shy, and low confidence exterior that melts away when talking about her interests - the occult, supernatural, and sometimes religion. has a tendency to stay home for many days in a row

minato iwatani - avid photographer, funny, gets along with others easily, but seldom serious at the right times, has a strong sense of justice. usually distractable but unmovable when fully focused (male rival bc we need that tbh)

nami tsumura - ball of energy, always expressive, mastered swimming but enthusiastic about many different sports, can never sit still, studying is very boring to her but she is trying to make an effort recently

azami mutou - grown up high school delinquent, still gets in fights often, doesnt usually follow rules, constantly looks pissed off, did not use to care about school but was recently instilled with a fear of the future, bullied in middle school

yua shimizu - nursing student, job shadowing local/school(?) nurse, so focused on studies she can seem absentminded on all else and seems clumsy because of her nervousness, but still does her best to help out

sayami sakurai - hizashi's childhood best friend, recently moved back, receptive and kind, but deeply troubled by something, her scarf was actually given to her by hizashi, likes fashion and is very pretty

noriko tamaki - high school 3rd year, student council president, heiress to family company as her older sister was deemed a failure, overachiever, can kill someone with just her gaze probably

the older sister in question is yuka tamaki, sort of like info-chan in YS, harbours great resentment for her family and therefore sister so shes willing to help out miyako if her sister has *something* be taken away from her for once. she has a very plain and unassuming look, so she can blend into crowds and eavesdrop and sneak around easily

theres still some other characters, like the equivalents to the "dlc" yandev proposed, but the only concepts i took from that was the shrine maiden and other yandere bc the other ones were just too much lol (though early on i kept the twins lmao), i also had an idea for a non romantic teacher rival that is threatening to fail either miyako or hizashi (which would be like a sort of "game over") but thats pushing the limits of unrealism that i have going on already.

BUT YEAH THIS POST IS LONG ENOUGH so that was a kind of summarized version lol. thanks for sending the ask it legitimately made my day, love talking about my ocs so feel free to ask anything else!

[rt-lots]

also also i made a new twdg oc hehe

ok so im too lazy to color or make a fullbody and im also not decided on an outfit BUT... them...

so i made them originally to ship w jane! bc i was like. hey i like jane lets maybe explore a romantic relationship w her... BUT i quickly found out that it just waaasnt working. they didnt really have a dynamic besides being similar in demeanor and experiences and AND more importantly i realized its better for janes arc if clementine is the most important person to her... idk how to explain it but like. she BARELY has the emotional capacity to care for clementine, a romantic relationship on top of that is just a bad idea... i think maybe they still have some semi gay thing but its. casual and goes nowhere

HOWEVERRRR where jane doesnt work i think carrie and bonnie are suuuper cute.... why, you may ask? no clue actually. idk how to articulate it it just works to me in my brain!

carries very similar to jane like i said. they have like a shit ton of trauma and only recently escaped a very bad situation from a very bad group of people!! theyre REALLY paranoid of getting found so cover up all identifiable aspects of themself... hence the mask, hence the name! (carrie is short for carebear, which is, surprise surprise- not actually their real name)

i dont have their whole deal figured out yet but for now i got this basic concept :)..

[vulpiximisa]

so i finished utena

(not the movie though)

i started the first few minutes of the movie hoping that it was a sequel to the series but it looks more like a retelling or au so ill watch the movie another time

anyway, i still dont really know whats going on but i guess im glad i went through with the ride

i dont think i want to say necessarily  that im disappointed in the end, considering the show what kind of show it was and its not really like them to have a happy ending. if it was a regular (magical girl) series, utena would magically get a white outfit, she would have been able to save anthy and make akio change his ways by remembering how to be a prince again.

but you know that didnt happen lol

i didnt want to watch too many videos/look at comments analyzing the series/ending yet because i wanted to put my own thoughts out first but i have seen some comments already so

anyway im Stupid As Fuck so i dont think i Understood it At All. i usually take things at Face Value so i KNOW that many themes/symbolisms of the show had gone straight over my head.

how i interpreted it was Prince = Nobility/Innocence/”good”. utena wanting to be a prince (a masculine role) meant more as wanting to be (a protector) because she has stated that “she is a normal girl that wants a boyfriend”. ((i love her for this and i relate so much)) [[tho thinking about it the term “futsu” might mean “straight” in that context because they were talking about the rose engagement]]

i dont get what the duels were about in the grand scheme of things. Or the rose bride.

anthy as the “witch” came up way later, so i understood that more when paired with the “stole the prince from the world” backstory. I dont see how she became The Rose Bride. Is it that she is a slave to the demands of everyone or something. 

im going to ignore all of the dark rose arc because it was like net zero information.

i saw gifs of someone (im Assuming its Nanami) turning into a car (in the movie???) so i always assumed the Ohtori car was supposed to be Anthy but iunno, ill find out. not sure if the car is symbolic of s*x or something

the OP sequence and song, the art, everyone: oh man Utena and Anthy are so in love

me: oh they seem like nice friends

noah fence, i really must be reading it wrong, but they seem like nice friends. 😅 utena never ended up calling anthy by her first name (i thought for sure it would have happened by half way) and the majority of the eps, theyre kinda just doing their own thing. Utena treats everyone mostly the same and its not like she coddles anthy, so seeing her banter with Wakaba gives more on Utena then when its the two. (tho utena not calling her by first name might be a “shounen” thing because she was playing the prince role)

“but what about the whole bed scenes!!! you dont just do that with A Friend” well the only thing i got from that is that utena wants anthy to open up but anthy never had the heart too and later utena realizes she was being naive for just Saying That and never Trying to see anthy’s pain

i find it Very hard to believe that Utena was “happiest when she was with anthy”. like sure, i guess maybe the most mundane moments were a good memory in the grand scheme of the rest of the nonsense but in terms of “romantic feelings” she obvious leans towards males. And Im not saying that she cant be Bi, but there was never a romantic attraction to Anthy. (if youre saying that shes attracted to The Prince in her past and both Toga and Akio had exhibited some form of that and thats why shes blushing around them, that doesnt disprove her being attracted to males)

you might say Utena does not need to be romantically attracted to Anthy for them to be close and i do agree. They do have have special bond, i can see this, and i'm glad that Anthy can finally step away from Akio to go look for the person who tried to save her. 

(again i am so fucking stupid because i was (fed) the “Anthy stepping out of her coffin, leaving abusive Akio”, “Utena not Revolutionizing THE World but A World, Anthy’s World”. So i cant take any credit for those thoughts)

Its always hard to read Anthy because she’s so straight face and you can never take her words at face value. There was the one line that was said in a preview “Ive always hated you” but it was never said in the episode (im Pretty sure it was never said?) so the whole Anthy/Akio/Utena triangle really confuses me. Like, Anthy trying to jump and apologizing feels like her being honest to loving Utena but at the same time she was the one that stabbed Utena in the final duel and it could be because she still loves Akio despite everything that he’s done to her so shes battling it with herself.

I do acknowledge that they do love each other, given how they had poisoned(?) tea and cookies with a smile and then the roof scene. Anthy smiling at the end makes me very happy for her and i hope they are happy together, but it doesnt mean that i can see them as lovers (yet)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what else

Miki, Nanami and Juri are the best trio, i love anything with the 3 of them together. My favorite scene ever has to be when theyre just vibing at the council table and Nanami and Miki are talking about their unrequited love and Juri  is like “oh you silly children” and theyre like “youre one to talk”. So much fun, love them. 

Also loved when theyre playing badminton with Utena before the final show down and how theyre all like “oh we’re falling for you” but in such a cute supportive way

50% of the reason i started the show was because of shinkichi mitsumune but im kinda disappointed because i can barely hear the tracks aside from the vocal duel songs and zettai unmei mokushiroku. Aside from The Piano song. 

Maybe i just have to watch the series 3 more times in 2 more languages to understand it like i did with sarazanmai. lol

[xplrvibes]

I sent you an ask earlier but it showed as error so im going to assume you didnt get it and send it again because there are times i feel like its a reach with her but apparently when it comes to snc nothing is so i want an opinion .

While living in Vegas she had one of these sponsors where she gave followers a code, it was about a backpack and she promoted it like no other. Yet based on stuff i’ve seen of her provided by people keeping track of her nonsense, she always uses a xplr backpack that i have not even seen on snc. From that and moments where she posts herself i noticed she really does live in their merch. It goes beyond support as well, she wears it for tiktoks, dresses guests in it for tiktoks and when around snc she has it on all the time. It reminded me of a comment i saw on here where someone called her a walking billboard for xplr. I noticed in the new preview she even has the new color block hoodie they released. So its either rave clothing (ick) or every single merch drop since 2020.

A few weeks ago while out and about with a certain someone, people noticed a bouquet of roses in the background of one of her posts. She liked comments alluding to the fact that someone, a particular someone gifted them to her. Yesterday, she posted the exact same flowers with a discount code with her name on it. Its boxed roses for those wondering. Plus i dont think its algorithm what keeping her from supporting Katrina, she answers fans when the questions arent even for her or addressed to her, she is first (and the only one) liking core4 stuff on twitter, she has even liked things that only mentioned Colby and then unliked as if she realized she wasn’t mentioned. Katrina over promotes herself so i doubt shes not going to see 1 of those posts but does happen to see Colbys one tweet every few weeks and likes those.

She doesnt support anything that isnt snc or colby. She has many other “friends” with big projects and she never says a word, but like someone mentioned she made “Skin” fit into a rave/techno playlist. Up until yesterday she still liked pics of her and Colby in Europe and keeps mentioning Wales (ahem). Not exaggerating when i say i hope Kat drops her and its a domino effect.

I definitely did not receive the previous ask you sent, so thank you for re-sending it! I think asks have been getting eaten again 😕.

When it comes to wearing merch in snc's videos, I think thats a strategic decision that snc make to subtely promote whatever merch they have coming down the pipeline. I've noticed others that appear in their videos do that as well, on occasion. So, I assume they handed her and Kat some merch and said "wear this at some point during the next couple vids," and that was that.

As far as for every other day in her life- yea. She's always in xplr gear lol. I don't think I've ever seen her not in it (except for the rave outfits). It really does seem like 80% of her wardrobe is snc/Colby related. It's odd, but if someone was handing me free $50 hoodies hand over fist, I'd wear them til they completely unraveled lol.

As far as the rest of it (ie: the roses and the weird shit she likes on twitter), that's the stuff I have a hard time digesting sometimes. It gives me horrible flashbacks to the days of 🖤🦋, if ya know what I mean lol.

That being said: if this is what she feels she needs to do to get ahead and get notoriety and get her name out there...I mean, that's kind of pathetic, but whatever. That's something that snc need to put the kibosh on if it concerns them, since it's their name and popularity she's exploiting for her own gain. If they don't care...not much we can do about it, really. I choose to try my damndest to not give her what she wants, which is my attention. (Somedays it works better than others, lol).

But yea, I think somethings rotten there. And I do agree, I think it's only a matter of time before a fracture starts, and I think you'll see it start with Kat and work it's way up from there. She's gonna get sick of the selective displays of support eventually, especially if Stas claims to be her friend first. It's really only a matter of time. 🤷‍♀️

Oh, and btw: the roses thing. Wouldn't it be hilarious if Colby actually did get her a box of cheap ass roses that he used her own discount code to obtain? I am an avid watcher of colbybrockscloset on instagram, I know that he had an outfit on one day that was worth $6,500 US dollars. This man has TWO mansions and a closet full of designer clothes; I'm sure he could afford to send fresh roses if he so chose. So the idea of him using an influencer discount code to get a deal on something like that strikes me as funny.

[volfoss]

how about ranking bucciarati's team?

regret to inform you that ur gonna get a very long answer bc i have passionate feelings about them all! also trish is in this bc she is part of the team and no one will tell me otherwise and will also include some rambling bc it is me and i have so many feelings towards these characters and none of them r cohesive

under the cut just in case (post writing yes it was long)

Giorno Giovanna:

way way more complex than ppl normally give him credit for (i will not go into feelings on how a majority of the fandom treats him unless ppl want me to then i will in fact make a very long ranty post and will not be stopped)

mildly op (esp at the beginning with how hes kind of able to just use his stand really well w no problems altho i think thats true of most of the jojos that we have seen animated?)

i am emotionally attached to him and want to give him a big hug

hes just a kinda goofy kid and is maybe a bit not good with figuring out hey this is a semi dangerous situation maybe i shouldnt be taunting him (leaky eye luca for example)

has the actual best theme

i love how he works off the rest of the team so well (even w members who do not like him)

is in my top 3 jojos i love this kid sm i would adopt him if he was real

7/10

Bruno Bucciarati:

the fucking way his character develops from licky man to best dad material is my favorite thing

his outfit is so so so good i would die to wear it

in general this man is one of my fave jojos characters and i get a lot of comfort from him

hes just really neat and has a good taste in music

he did his fucking best and i will always love him for that

imo the way that his death was drawn out was genuinely one of the most heartbreaking deaths in the entire series and fucks me up each time i think of it

i feel like he really is the one to hold the team together in a way that everyone feels cared for and saved

def has a savior complex tho for sure

dilf but im ace

also manga superiority bc he either makes the stupidest faces or looks very nice (anime has a lot of weird animation in regards to his face) and also because its lingerie there instead of a tattoo that changes thickness and placement every second

10/10

Leone Abbacchio:

guilty pleasure liking man

i am obsessed with his vibes and wish to become him

i cannot physically express just how much i love him but hes one of my faves of all time (not obvious by my theme at all wdym)

i miss his manga palette but also the colored manga isnt my beloved but also black lipstick abba

hot take maybe but anime abba looks better than manga minus the lipstick debacle

hes so so tall and i will steal his height in a nice way

his past man his past it fucks me up

his death fucks me up normally but when i was rewatching recently, i saw he gave this tiny lil smile after helping the kids get their ball and i could not take it anymore

him and brunos relationship (canonically and out of canon too) is one of my favorites in the series

also fandom hot take as i guess i am doing those for everyone- but ppl either have him as cosntantly trying to murder giorno or being like good son and v out of character, and it is really weird? not sayign that ill do better when i write them but also like im convinced some ppl havent seen the show or smth

i will steal both him and bruno and marry them both <3

this man is beloved i love him to death

10/10

Pannacotta Fugo:

i cannot spell his first name to save my life

also fandom take- ppl make him constantly only angry boy all the time and it really irks me. ik araki did not give him 2 much to work w in terms of canon personality but its frustrating

the light novel purple haze feedback is so so so good and adds sm to his character and i really like it for that!

fugo is one of those that imo deserves a lot and didnt get that

genuinely the vibes between how he treats narancia is v interesting to me, like its clear he cares about nara but nara not doing great w math really frustrates him

i love their interactions and how he is genuinely a kind person at times

the manga colors r superior here, my strawberry boy <3

i just really love and appreciate him a lot and wish that ppl gave him more love

i keep getting assigned him on kin quizzes

very smart good boy

ALSO ok fugo did not do any wrong by leaving

unsure if thats a hot take but i genuinely dont blame the character one bit for leaving and again purple haze feedback really delves into that and why he did it

if ur a fugo fan go read it

his past is really upsetting esp in the anime i will cry over it

his stand is adorable and i wanna hug it

his vibes r fun and i wanna gift him strawberry dangly earrings

8/10

Narancia Ghirga:

this boy i am also adopting (i am adopting most of them sorry)

i really hate how ppl act as if hes stupid bc bad math skills do not equal stupid like did ppl not see the fight w formaggio??

the way he just fucking dove into the water after the boat and how brunos face went all soft and happy it will never not make me cry

he is constnatnly making me wanna cry if i think too much about him for 2 seconds i love him sm

how can anyone not adore him when he set an entire street on fire yk

hes just happy despite his past and it makes me sad i love nara sm

torture dance is one of my favorite memes from the show

ALSO ok the way he died so suddenly absolutely broke me bc the remaining team members r really just seeing everyone die in front of them so quickly

his goofy and laid back moments r my fave

i love just how loyal and caring he is to his friends

his stand is really cool and again the fight w formaggio was so fun to watch

8/10

Guido Mista:

probably my least favorite member of the team for a semi good reason:

the jokes towards trish are really really uncomfy and how fugo doesnt wanna be involved but he is pushing him to do something that makes him uncomfortable did not make me like him a lot

hes goofy but not goofy enough for me to be ok with the repeated jokes about that esp in the body swap episode (ik it was supposed to be funny but it just felt off)

his vibes r good but i wish we got to see his hair

the fandom interpretation is normally pretty good of him overall?

despite not loving him a lot, i really enjoying writing for him (one day might open up headcanon requests or smth but unsure)

hes someone id wanna watch movies w but his taste in movies and mine r very different

love how he and his stand get along

honestly has very very good comedic potential

i really like how he and giorno interact as the series goes on (in a platonic way i need to clarify that i love their friendship)

again him in purple haze feedback was really interesting

probably a 5/10?

Trish Una:

beloved and deserved better

her first outfit in the manga > outfit in the anime

actually in general i believe in manga trish superiority like her hair in the manga looks so cool

her stand her stand her stand i love sm

if u dont include trish in the group i am murdering u <3

HER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!! IS SO GOOD!!!!!!

fandom gripe is how people either pretend she does not exist or has the trish first introduction thing where shes using her defense mechanisms and acting a bit spoiled

OK but her in purple haze feedback!!! mild spoilers but how bruno was taking care of her post the ending of vento aureo makes me so happy each time i think of it

very mad that she canonically didnt really get an ending and yet again PHF my beloved actually gave her that

how spice girl starts out as a stand thats helping her thru a very stressful situation is so cool and i love it

DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO DAD BRUNO *frothes at the mouth*

but more seriously how she leans on bruno and begins 2 trust him and nearly point blank is referring to him as a father figure always fucks me up

esp because of the resulting fight afterwards

and the very ending of the arc that ends w bruno being like bye gonna go in the clouds and look ethereal now, oh man it makes me so sad

bc giorno is the only one that knew what happened and people that were closer to bruno due to knowing him longer didnt

i wanna see how trish coped w that personally

despite being introduced not at the beginning i think her arc and character in general were as well paced as it could be!

9/10

finally done! sorry that took so long but oh man i have so many feelings towards these guys its not even funny