#she is as the kids say my roman empire

[atypicalacademic]

WIP Whenever

@dirty-bosmer and @memaidraws thank you so much for the tag (Also tagging right back at you). My longfic is giving me hell so I'm chipping away at that Babette fic I've been meaning to finish. Tagging @ollifree @dumpsterhipster @cumbiazevran @aria-i-adagio if you'd like to come along.

There was a garden patch tugging at the edge of her memory, brushing her bare calves, dirt clinging to the edge of her skirt. Time paused there, behind her eyelids, in the burning-bright flash of sunlight searing her skin, time paused there, throwing up the bright red of rosebuds. So many lives sent to Sithis that she could never tell one from another. But a springtime kill came with a jumble of confused memories, her own tepid innocence reflected in frightened eyes. Her penitence had lived for far, far too long, and she’d drained it since of it’s lifeblood too. But for what it’s worth, she’d tell Babette, young Babette with her blue eyes and her love for apple-pie and flowers, to follow home the lanterns. For your own sake, little fool, she’d tell her, don’t stay out there, alone in the dark.  No matter how sweet the voice that beckoned from beyond the roses.  No matter how dreary it was, the towering stone walls of Papa’s estate, the loneliness leaving her flapping her clipped, caged wings.  No matter how very much like love a vampire’s hunger looked.  Turn around, she’d tell that finite, fragile thing. Go home. Nothing kind-hearted comes calling this long after sunset.  “So,” Astrid asked her. “How did it go?” Babette put away her knife, tidied her skirt, and mimicked the last rodent she’d sunk her fangs into. “Mind your step, sweetheart, what a lovely smile you have. I’ll show you home, don’t you worry.” Easy as pie. “The same bluff for three hundred years. You’d think they’d stop falling for it.”  “You’re a treasure, my dear.”  She smiled. Prey, all of them. Drunk on daylight, stumbling heart-first into knives. Or don’t, Babette. She thought. Or don’t go home. Walk all the way to the voice, and don’t let anyone turn you back.  Only this garden, kindly bereft of roses, was honest in its poison.

[pumpkinrootbeer]

imo there is something to be said for how Lip is consistently placed in the position of protector/parent. Obviously we see him take care of all his younger siblings, especially Liam. But beyond that from very, very early on in the show we see him have a strong vested interest in protecting kids, like when Karen is going to give the baby up for adoption; "Now, uh, do you check the, uh, families for, you know, um, alcohol and drug abuse? Make sure they have enough income to feed it and stuff?", "But they're still good families right? You make sure they're going to decent parents?"(s2.8)

Or in s3.4 when he convinces Mandy to help him rescue her half-sister, Molly. "She sounded desperate. Let's see if we could get her, let's see if we could help." and "If she ran, it was probably for a good reason, no?"(s3.6). Of course there's the entirety of season 4, where he's not only willing to drop out of college to look after Liam but then is afraid to even let Liam out of his sight for almost the rest of the season. And then, obviously, there's Xan in season 8 & 9, a complete stranger but still a kid in need who he then helps without question. He also gives Xan and her mom ten thousand dollars.

Also in s4 (sorry just a really good Lip season in general), it's Lip who realizes something is wrong with Ian and goes looking for him (s4.5) and then it's Lip who takes care of Fiona after she breaks parole (s4.10). On top of which, the only reason Lip is even going to college, despite vocally saying he doesn't want to numerous times, is because it'll help his family if he gets a good job; "Except the little ones Debbie, and- and Carl, and- and Liam, and, my sister Fiona. I could be there for them but I'm not. You know, 'cause I'm here. 'cause I'm told that, that's something I could do for those kids, in a big way, in a real way.' (s5.8)

This perception that Lip both doesn't care about Fiona (or the rest of his family) and doesn't do anything for them is such a misconception. Obviously, there's everything he does to help in s4, from picking up Fiona in Wisconsin to stealing food and cooking dinner every night, but there's how he does try to help Ian, like in s7.3 when he convinces Ian to take his meds. Or in s9.6 when he does a gig as a sober coach to get Ian money for his commissary account in prison. And, then, of course there's how Lip is the reason Fiona goes to AA in s9, both by convincing V to not enable Fiona, "What kind of friend do you want to be? The kind that sees her drunk at the Alibi every morning?" and also by telling Fiona, "Get to a meeting."(s9.12).

I think it's also worth mentioning that Lip only kicks Fiona out once she starts being a danger to the kids in the house, "I'm not letting you stay here! Not with Franny, and not with Liam. No fucking way."(s9.12) Keep in mind, the previous episode he had to body block Fiona to keep her from yelling around and at Xan.

It's just such a wild misreading of the text that Lip is callous or selfish in regards to his family, and especially in the context of Fiona and their relationship. When people say that Fiona always took care of Lip and he never gave anything in return, or that he pushed her to take care of their whole family and never stepped up, I think they're just willingly choosing which parts of the show to engage with and which to ignore.

Obviously there's the age gap, she's 5 years older, (in s8 Lip says he's 23 and Fiona says she's 28) so I'm not sure how much you guys wanted a 4 year old to pitch in when you bring up what she was doing at 9. But beyond that, when Lip got old enough to help, he did. We see him helping throughout the show, we see him stepping up and caring for everyone including Fiona. And it's not just Fiona he was helping, he did Kev and V's taxes, he was the one who came up for the plan to keep Debbie out of jail in s1 when she stole the baby. He helps JimmySteve throughout season 1-3.

And at the exact same time, Lip ends up having to solve most of his problems on his own or he just never brings them to Fiona in the first place. When she does find out he has something going on, her advice usually boils down to telling him to fix it; "So what are you going to do?"(s2.5) "Make it right with Ian."(s2.6) "You want to piss away every single chance you get, including this job, that's your business but don't drag me into it."(s7.10) It's also interesting how in her big "I was nine" speech in s7.12, Lip is the only one she doesn't mention.

Honestly the only character we see actually looking after Lip during his struggles with alcoholism is Debbie throughout s6 and 7. ("I don't want you to end up like Frank" being the reason he goes to rehab, "Do you need us to hide the beer?", "He's trying to get sober Frank!", and of course her confronting him in s7.11 when she finds out he's been drinking and makes sure he's going to a meeting.)

I wanna make it really, really clear that I'm not blaming Fiona or anything other character. I honestly think it's actually really compelling story telling that Lip is the sibling Fiona has a completely different dynamic with and that he's the one she consistently leans on. Not to mention, Lip clearly struggles to accept help and is pretty closed off emotionally. (Almost every big scene we see regarding their family he shuts down and goes silent.) But! I do think there's just this wild misconception with Lip's character that he's ungrateful, selfish, and uncaring towards his family. Yes he's prickly and rude and arrogant, but he's also incredibly caring and that's been a consistent character trait since day 1.

[stuckinakillingjar]

ok i finally finished this shit and honestly, they wasted some good acting on this fuckass writing.

i'm also still mad bc of that boring ass kiss between juha and doyoon. they could've put all of juha's sexual repression into it but nooooo they had to blur it and make it lame

[lilislegacy]

this is my roman empire. and after all these years, i finally have to say something.

GRUNT-WHIMPER??? GRUNT-WHIMPER!!!!???

ANNABETH GIRL ARE YOU OKAY??

forget her just standing there gasping for air. forget her very audible sigh. forget the fact that annabeth initiates 80% of their kisses and literally has to restrain herself from kissing him in front of all of New Rome in MoA. i could go on and on about how many times percy calls her beautiful and attractive (let’s not forget how his heart races and his skin tingles at her touch) and all his boyfriend-ly thoughts about her, but lets focus on annabeth for a sec. BECAUSE ANNABETH CHASE IS GRUNT-WHIMPERING??

our girl was feeling ALL the things in this scene. she’s so weak in the knees for him that she can’t even hide it in front of piper. also percy must be a fantastic kisser? BECAUSE GRUNT-WHIMPER??

do not EVER tell me percy and annabeth don’t have romantic feelings for each other. do not EVER tell me it’s purely platonic. if you’re someone who thinks “nah i can’t see them getting married and having kids cause i don’t think they feel that way about each other” you clearly did not read about the grunt-whimper (well, you can hc whatever you want. i respect all opinions. but i do think you need to re-consider and account for the grunt-whimper)

BECAUSE GRUNT-WHIMPER?? ONE GOOD KISS FROM PERCY IS MAKING ANNABETH CHASE GRUNT-WHIMPER?? IS THAT RICK’S “CHILD-APPROPRIATE” WAY OF SAYING SHE MOANED?? HE SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID SHE MOANED. GRUNT-WHIMPER IS SO MUCH WORSE. THAT GOES SO FAR BEYOND A MOAN. A MOAN IS TAME COMPARED TO A GRUNT-WHIMPER.

GUYS I-

[jaxie101]

the hunger games has been my roman empire since i read when it when i was 10 and here are all of my smaller empires bc this has always been my favourite series ever:

the tributes being treated to a life of luxury both as a “last meal” sort of thing and as a way to make them more vulnerable for the games. keeping them well fed before the games so the starvation hits harder

peeta repeatedly calling himself a mutt after katniss does :(

katniss’ ptsd

katniss being such an unreliable narrator

when cato realised he’s just as much of a toy as the rest of the kids

when gale says he should’ve volunteered in peeta’s place. NOT for peeta, not to save him the trauma, the injuries or his torture, and not to save katniss and to be there for her, PURELY bc he knew that getting hurt would get her attention.

GALE GETTING MAD AT KATNISS FOR KISSING SOMEONE TO STAY ALIVE. EVEN 10 YEAR OLD ME WAS LIKE ??

peeta’s “real or not real” and how easily katniss accepts it as his way of recovery

how perfect katniss’ character was. i was a little girl and i wanted to be exactly like her when i grew up. she wasn’t the cliche “doesn’t need anyone accepts this specific guy that will always save her” she saved peeta, and some times peeta saves her

probably the overdramatic english lit nerd in me but katniss’ hair going from intricate braids to messy ponytails

(tw sex assault) in the books katniss was terrified that peeta was going to be r&ped, for some reason that’s always stuck with me

what happened to finnick

how well written and realistic the books were. peeta loses his leg to the infection, katniss loses her hearing in one ear, finnick suffers from extreme ptsd and it shows in district 13, peeta not being an easy fix. he still suffers years later, but he slowly pieces himself back together. Johanna’s anger, people often don’t like the fact that ptsd DOES make you angry, haymitch’s backstory and effie’s growth.

the mutt’s have the dead kids eyes in the first games

[norrizzandpia]

This is my first ever ask so I’m kinda nervous….anyways pt3 to 34+35 with the next song being welcome to my island (remix) by Charli XCX (my icon) and everyone is fighting for there lives after hearing it?!

I DONT KNOW WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS

I feel bad for y’all tbh bc I have asks from MONTHS ago and still haven’t answered them I’m so so sorry y’all omg 🙏

Not Again (OP81)

Summary: Not again, man. Not again.

Warnings: I think y’all know atp, sexual conversations lol

ynnn welcome to my island welcomes you at midnight tonight 🫶🏻

Comments:

Landonorris I swear to god

Mclarensgirly at least we have a warning to brace ourselves

Ln4andop81 IM NOT READY STOP STOP STOP IM NOT READY PLZ

Danielricciardo he better not sing this one around track

- Oscarpiastri tf you bet your ass I will

- landonorris OSCAR JACK PIASTRI.

- ynnn you do you baby don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise

- oscarpiastri thank you y/n I love you

- landonorris you’re such an instigator.

—

Ynnn hope you like it as much as Oscar did!

Comments:

Landonorris I CANT FUCKING LIVE

Mclarensgirly oh! Well! “He’s got my legs wide out like banana split” Oh!

- ln4andop81 my jaw dropped to the floor at “or you can drive me down to Florida and fuck me for days” DID HE RLLY DO THAT IN MIAMI????? WASNT HE SUPPOSED TO BE RACING?????

- oscarpiastri I did bad in that race how did you expect me to get rid of all my anger?

- Mclarensgirly they continue to make comments like this and I continue to be shocked

Danielricciardo lets pump the brakes maybe?

- oscarpiastri no

- ynnn ig its no then

—

TWITTER

Mclarensgirly y/n going “cause I can be a good girl” just puts the picture of Oscar telling her to be a good girl while he fucks her into my mind and its become my Roman Empire

- ln4andop81 that’s so real but also can we talk abt the romance of the song too? Like its so cute “I want a white dress, country side house, and kids”

- Mclarensgirly TRUEEEE “it was love at first sight from the moment we kissed” awww Oscar finding the love of his life 🫶🏻

- Ln4andop81 and she’s like “I wont lie, yeah, I’ve always been afraid to commit but now I’ve fallen so hard, it’s a total eclipse”

- Mclarensgirly see its so funny bc she says that and then follows it with something like “no virgin, but I knew just how to behave”

- oscarpiastri she does know how to behave tho?

- ln4andop81 BYEEEEEEEE WHEN DID YOU GET HERE

- Mclarensgirly he never rests does he

- ynnn never. If you get me 😏

- Mclarensgirly you win girl

- ynnn ^^^

[inf3ct3dd]

ellie headcanons pt.3,,,!!

warnings: mentions of boobs, ass (lmao) , mild sexual content, use of the d-slur (jokingly)

content: loser!ellie x reader :3 my pookieeee

authors note: these r actually my favorite things to write ever like im so glad yall like them :333

pt. 2. taglist!!! masterlist!!!!

☆ REALLY likes beef jerky. she’ll just sit there and chew…

- her hands r just constantly freezing. like DEAD PERSON COLD ITS SCARYYYY!!! she definitely uses ur boobs as handwarmers and its JARRING because her hands are actually so cold 😞😞!!!

- HER FEET TOO!!! she has some sort of circulation issues bc you’ll be in bed together and she’ll put her feet on you and you’ll just turn into a cartoon ice cube 😕😕

- the SECOND u have some sort of drama she is seated. like she is so MESSY she will talk shit abt someone she knows absolutely nothing abt just bc u don’t like them. anyone you hate she hates 💪🏽💪🏽

- speaking of she is literally so sassy 😞😞 like she will literally full body turn away from you and look at the window while you drive if she’s mad at you.

- every time you say something even remotely sexual she’s looking at you like 🤨 and trying not to laugh. if you texted her “im coming” she’d burst out laughing and write back like “geez we’re just going to the zoo…didn’t know u were THAT excited”

- has the humor of a middle school boy. she has an actual problem w deez nuts jokes 😞😞 she thinks its SOOOO FUNNY to give u fake backshots whenever you bend over around her. fake moans and everything 💔💔

- a pharb AND a barb. she definitely knows all of super bass by heart, and she knows how to play savior complex on the guitar. duality of women!!!

- every time you say something nice to her she’s like “ew thats gay” and then she gets upset when u get upset for it 😞 so RUDE actually!!!

- really likes doing facemasks with you because you always put them on for her, and because you look really stupid with them on.

- this video. js this whole video like!!! she definitely has that dinosaur hand sanitizer AND that backpack!!

- likes rings cuz she thinks they make her look cool, but she literally cannot keep them for more than a month. they get lost SO EASILY!!!

- knows a concerning amount of things about the roman empire.

- definitely saw the barbie movie with you, and got so embarrassed at the ken guitar scene ☹️ “do i do that??” and you had to hold back laughter and tell her no

- if you have little siblings, they LOVE HER. she is so good with kids its insane. she would definitely do the griddy w ur little brother and you would NEVER let her live it down

- if you take her to a family gathering, she’s either talking with your uncles or hanging out with your younger cousins. she’s scared of your cousins your age bc they’re “cool like you”

- definitely bought you lego flowers at one point and sat on the floor and built them with you

- has those glow-in-the-dark stars on her bedroom ceiling

- would absolutely lick your salt lamp “for science”

- one time you put her hair in pigtails and she wore it the whole day, and refused to let her friends make fun of it cuz her “wife” did them

- talks about you like a 40 year old man talks about his wife. “gotta get home to the wife” definitely has “happy wife happy life!” on a tshirt

- built the two of you a house on minecraft and put your beds next to each otherrrr :((

- carved your name on her skateboard and guitar

- had an AWFUL emo phase in middle school. terrible. was absolutely an avid tumblr user

- such a nerd about vinyls. would take u on dates to her favorite vinyl store, and buy you a new vinyl player because “yours damages your vinyls, and the audio quality is shit” (you randomly bought it on amazon)

- just knows so many facts…about things…. like she’s always talking to you like “oh my god babe did you know that-“

- would get “jealous” of your pets whenever you’d pet them or hold them in front of her. just going up to your cat like “she likes me more than you”

- made herself one of those “i love my girlfriend” tshirts with your face on it

- your dad definitely loves her because they have so much in common. grilling, fishing,camping, she’s like the ultimate dad-dyke

- can fall asleep ANYWHERE. like the second she’s tired she’s just 😴😴 and she’s definitely using you as a pillow

- one time the two of you went to a family party and you found her asleep on two folded chairs

- you’re her wallpaper on all her devices.

- every time you ask her what she’s doing and she’s playing guitar shes like “just fingering my guitar”. she thinks its SOOOO HILARIOUS

- definitely says white ppl shit all the time on accident . one time she said “lets rock and roll” when you two were going somewhere and she literally didn’t talk for 5 minutes cuz you could not stop laughing

- LOVES burts bees !!! her lips always taste like their strawberry chapstick and its wonderful

- has a pair of lightning mcqueen crocs

- LOVESSSS when you paint her nails and do her makeup (she just likes you sitting on her lap)

- definitely one of those girls thats like. obsessed w doctor pepper. its a serious problem 😞😞!!!

- has a little shoe box full of receipts, polaroids of you, and little souvenirs from your dates. :((

- literally melts when you scratch her back

- very into horror games/analog horror. definitely binge watched markipliers “faith” gameplay and talked about it nonstop

- miles morales is def her fave superhero. has so many of his comics and LOVES the spiderverse movies. calls you her gwen 😞😞

taglist!!! if ur name is crossed i cant tag u :((

@syrenada @dinaissoprettyoml @kingofmylastkiss @as2rid @greencacty @melissabarrerass @bratydoll @lov3lylotus @forelliesposts @echostinn @f3r4lfr0gg3r @r3wbeef @leatheredhearts @mousymaven @mina-281 @princessguardian444 @calystas-morning-tea @horror-whoree @slutshies @bearieio @mag-mfm @bubs-world @paran0id0blivi0n @sawaagyapong @bbygrlshelbs @gayh0rr0r @pl9ys @ellieslilslvvt @dollietes @elliesmellsbadd @ibloom4u @ddreabea @beestar120 @brunettedolls-blog @girlwonderchloe @elliesgflol @maris-koffin @emonopolyman @iloveeyousblog @fr3sh-tragedies @ilovaffles @certifedcrybunny @elleatethat @baldph0bic @clouded-whispers @4rt3m1ss @saggykneecaps @swtsuna @ell1esslutt @minixmel @yuyans-stuff @owmoiralover @thecowardwrites @lunascerebro @elliestrwbrry @iwantsoda @teeveegirl @dinasmoon @urnewghostfriend

[alltoowelltom]

"favorites"

oscar piastri x f1 reporter!reader

does lissie mackintosh know she is the face of f1 x reporter smaus ...thank you for your service girlie

liked by oscarpiastri, yourbestie and others

yourusername🔹️: great day with my faves 🧡

landonorris🔹️: 🧍‍♂️

↳ yourusername🔹️: sorry...you got a little blurry

user1: "my faves" and it's just oscar

↳ user2: she's just like me fr 😝

user3: does miss y/n have an eeny weeny crush 🇦🇺

↳ yourusername: perhaps perchance 🤩

mclaren: Welcome anytime Y/N! 🧡

user4: she said no actually this is a date 😏

likedby pierregasly, oscarpiastri and others

yourusername🔹️: I love my job ❤️🏎

oscarpiastri🔹️: come back the kids miss you

liked by yourusername

user1: HUH?

user2: GLOWING as per usual

scuderiaferrari🔹️: Red is good on you Y/N 😍

↳ mclaren🔹️: We beg to differ

liked by oscarpiastri, yourusername

user3: ugh DREAM job

user4: girlie travels the world and is paid to attend all the races

↳ yourusername🔹️: and then paid to gossip about them 🤭🎀

liked by landonorris and others

piastriupdates: Oscar during his interview with Y/N today

user1: I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM SO SMILEY

user2: He was so relaxed and talkative with her?

user3: she's gotta be his comfort person

user4: ok...hear me out...

user5: boy is in lurveeeeee 😭😭

user6: no but the way she already knew what school he'd gone to...they already knew each other??

↳ user7: so do i 🫣 guess we're engaged!

↳ user8: but it means they've definitely gotten to know each other, especially this being oscar's first year in f1

user9: lando what are you doing here? 💀

↳ user10: he said let me wingman...from right here

↳ landonorris🔹️: I am an EXCELLENT wingman thank you very much

user11: nah she had him literally giggling and kicking his feet 😭

liked by lilymhe, oscarpiastri and others

yourusername🔹️: a story in 3 parts 🌟

mclaren🔹️: Good to see it

user1: THIS IS SO CUTE

landonorris🔹️: lando erasure once again 😐

user2: crying...screaming...

user3: so this means.....

maxverstappen1🔹️: I fear we are losing her

user4: TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW

user5: HE! GAVE! HER! HIS! HAT

user6: day 77 of asking Y/N to do a freaky friday lives swap with me

user8: my man REFUSES to comment 👹

liked by yourusername, aussiegrit and others

oscarpiastri🔹️: Great weekend all around 🤙

user1: OSCAR JACK

user2: UHHHHH

user3: WHY DOES HE KNOW WHAT A SOFT LAUNCH IS?

mclaren🔹️: Great work Oscar! 🧡

user4: I'm scared to say it but is that...

landonorris🔹️: oscar please call me 😐

yourusername🔹️: Congrats on p5 Osc!!

liked by oscarpiastri

↳ user5: ma'am are you actually gonna pretend that's not you in the third pic 🤨

↳ user6: she said business as usual while she's literally being soft launched by THE oscar piastri

↳ user7: no..oscar is being soft launched by THE y/n y/l/n

liked by oscarpiastri, danielricciardo

yourusername🔹️: thanks for the pics 🫣🤍

landonorris🔹️: oscar in his jpg era?

↳ user1: LANDO ARE YOU MESSING WITH US

↳ yourusername🔹️: will be making sure all interviews are from your bad side from now on x

↳ landonorris🔹️: 😦 ay

user2: MOTHER

user3: babygirl...this isn't you

user4: these are so cute!!

user5: oscar first to like as always.. my man has notifs on 💀

↳ user6: or he's with her when she posts

user7: Y/N unfortunately head over heels falling for this man

liked by oscarpiastri, alexandrastmleux

tagged: oscarpiastri

yourusername: thank you @.f1tv for having me host once again! ❤️💫

user1: y/n i want to be you

oscarpiastri: 🙈❤️

liked by yourusername

↳ user2: MY ROMAN EMPIRE

↳ user3: that's the most confirmation we're ever gonna get from oscar

landonorris🔹️: can my good side interview privileges be reinstated?

↳ yourusername🔹️: depends how i'm feeling

user4: y/n is glowing rn 😍

mclaren: Our favorites 🧡

liked by oscarpiastri

[queers-gambit]

Save Me From Myself

prompt: ( requested ) in a moment of unparalleled anger, you learn what Joel really thinks of you.

pairing: Joel Miller x female!reader

fandom masterlist: The Last of Us

word count: (short as hell at) 1.9k+

warnings: very mild spoilers, there's probably cursing, oneshot (no part two), hurt no comfort, mild angst, shorty shorty short short shorty! author is disappointed in this one, she wanted to give much more.

browse Clingy Baby collection masterlist here

"Gimme that," you grunted at Ellie, picking her backpack from her shoulder with ease as the shorter young lady protested with a small growl.

"I got it - "

"Take a break," you smiled at the kid, shouldering her pack. "Tell me another one of those shitty jokes you love so much."

Ellie smirked and whipped out her book, flipping through a few pages, scanning the pages, then deciding on one. "What... Is Beethoven's favorite fruit?"

You shrugged, "No idea."

"Ba-na-na-naaaaa!"

You laughed, you couldn't help it. "Goddamnit. That's a good one," you praised, eyeing her for a moment as she silently read down the page. You wondered, "You know, I meant to ask, but why that book in particular?"

"My friend gave it to me... It was a present," she explained softly, seeing your head nod of understanding. "What did one ocean say to the other?"

"Nothing, they just waved," you smirked.

"You shithead," she tisked. "Okay, okay, here's a good one. What's brown... And sticky?"

"Oh, Ellie, don't be gross - "

"A stick."

There was a long pause.

"Oh, you know what? Fuck you," You laughed heartily. "I gotta remember that, I like that one."

"You'll like this one, too. Why should you never trust stairs?"

You knew the answer, but humored her, "Why?"

"Because they're always up to something."

You chuckled, "Good one, kid, yeah. Okay, okay, wait, I got one."

"Lay it on me."

"How do you cut a Roman Emperors hair?"

"How?" She grinned, ready for the punchline.

"With Caesars."

Ellie paused, offering a confused look, "I don't get that one."

You both stared at one another for a long moment, still walking through the cold, dead field.

"You don't know Julius Caesar?"

"No? Who the hell is that?"

You chuckled, "You know what? Just as well, who fucking cares about the Roman Empire when we're living in the end-of-days?"

"It's a decent joke," Joel spoke for the first time in hours; holding his rifle protectively as he lead you both through the wilderness, "for what it's worth."

You smirked at Ellie and teased, "Told you I was funny."

"You used the term punny."

"Both are accurate."

"I think you're just an idiot."

"I think you've got a helluva mouth on you."

Ellie grinned and flipped through her book, your gaze trailing to Joel and eyeing him for a long moment. You've known him since you were 19 and hired to babysit his daughter, Sarah. Joel was everything you could've asked for - loyal, sweet, protective, respectful. You had been at their house, doing coursework for your university program when the Outbreak happened. You did what you could to help protect Sarah, but in the end, nobody was safe, nobody was immune, and Death stretch His hand unto all of mankind alike.

He left only select few, you, Joel, and Tommy being amongst the survivors.

The past twenty years had been anything but easy, and while you had gone into this pandemic together, you and Joel didn't actually stick together the whole time. When you settled in Boston with Tommy, Tess, and a few other nomads, you were exhausted from the brutality you were forced to survive in, and so, first chance you had, you broke away.

Technically, you and Tommy broke away. But still.

Joel turned to a life of shadiness with Tess at his right hand (and on his cock). The two of you becoming estranged, until he saved your ass from a pair of FEDRA agents harassing citizens.

He didn't just distract your assailants, but put them in the dirt, helped pick you up, dust off, check for injury, then escort you home. Once at your apartment, he ensured you weren't hurt and was truly okay, and after that, he was back in your life - like the snap of fingers.

You hated to admit it, but it felt nice having a constant back in your life. Joel was your tether to reality, and without him, you felt akin to a kite with the string cut - useless and drifting away.

After that, you came around a little more to see how much your old neighbor had changed in your time apart. Joel was familiar, he was family; had always been something of a source of peace for you. He was usually protective of your wellbeing - even if he had a strange (and borderline unhealthy) way of showing it - creating a bubble of safety.

You eventually left the Fireflies and met Bill and Frank, venturing out and about with Joel and Tess; the latter of who simply despised you for just existing. She was never fond of you, more so now that Joel was obviously attached to you.

Joel never let her argue about you; he never cared for her opinion nor what assumptions she had. He kept you close, he liked your close; and if she sneered any hateful slander, Joel was swift to push her away in favor of you.

One time, he even literally locked her out of the apartment because she was rude to you and told you to "get lost!".

How could you not feel safe? Comfortable? Secure?

When you made it to Jackson and found Tommy once more, you were overjoyed by his familiar face and scent, but quickly pulled him aside to voice your concern for Joel.

"He's been clutching his chest, walking slower than I've seen before," you whispered to Tommy. "I don't think he's havin' a heart episode, but somethin' ain't right, Tommy. He's not doing the best."

"I'll talk to him," he assured.

You believed him, there was no reason not to. You (willfully blindly) believed Tommy would go about this subject with sensitivity and wouldn't mention your words of concern, but you were wrong. Very wrong. Joel had a known temper and if he caught wind that you spoke his name, even in passing, he would lash out, so, truly, you thought Tommy wouldn't tip Joel off.

The moment you returned "home" (to the house you, Ellie, and Joel were offered), you were met with a fuming Joel and an awkward looking Ellie. "What's going on?" You felt worried, fearing for the worst, asking, "What's wrong?"

"You," Joel snapped. "You're what's wrong."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Joel," Ellie tried with a frown, "she just walked in 0 "

"You had a word with Tommy now, did'yah?" He demanded, ignoring Ellie to focus his glare fully on you.

"Well - yeah - I mean - "

"No," he seethed with narrowed eyes and furrowed brow, "where the hell you get off talkin' to my brother like that? Huh? You worried 'bout me, you say somethin' to me - otherwise, the hell you talkin' for?"

"Joel - "

"You overstepped," he shook his head and pointed a scolding finger at you, "and my health ain't your concern - "

"Of course, it is! Fuck's sake, how can you even say that? I get you're mad, fine, okay, you know what? I get it, I'm sorry if I overstepped by telling Tommy how worried I am, but for the love of God, Joel, I am worried about you because you're not the same man you once were!"

"Are any of us?" He huffed.

"You don't think we've noticed the way you've slowed? How you clutch your chest? I'm allowed to be worried - "

"You know, if you weren't so Goddamn clingy all the time, you wouldn't feel whatever compulsion this is to concern yourself with something that ain't got shit to do with you."

You blinked in shock, feeling disarmed by the harsh tone and bruising words he offered. "Joel, we're both worried about you,," Ellie stepped in again. "Don't be such a dick, she's just looking out for you."

"By involving those that don't need to be involved?" He sneered, glaring at the girl before rounding on you. "From now on, you stay in your place - enough with this - this fucking - this protector bullshit you think of me as. You cling any fucking tighter and I'll suffocate, so back the hell off."

You nodded slowly, watching him storm off; door slamming after him hard enough to make both you and Ellie flinch. "I, uh..." You cleared your throat, "I should... Um, uh, you know what, I'll jusy - uh, yeah, no, I can just... Yeah, I should - yeah."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"You didn't do anything."

"No, but that wasn't very nice of him to say."

"No, I suppose not," you smiled ruefully, giving a hearty, heavy sniffle. "I should, you know, go and find somewhere to crash - "

"Why wouldn't you stay here?"

"I don't exactly like to linger where I'm not wanted," you mused, keeping your tears at bay. "I just need to clear my head for a bit. Go for a walk or something. Maybe he just needs some space, I don't want to be here and upset him more... You two have a mission at hand," you tried to smile, "that's bigger than us all, and whether I see the end of it or not doesn't matter now - what matters is you, Ellie. This petty squabble will pass," you lied, "because you're all that matters. I won't risk further upsetting Joel, gambling with this already sketchy-ass plan and put everything we've worked towards so far at jeopardy."

You both smiled ruefully.

"I know when to walk away," you ended softly.

She nodded, opening her mouth but closing it instantly; knowing you were stubborn enough that she didn't even attempt to stop you. So, she did the only thing she knew she could do: offered her joke book.

"Oh, Ellie, no," you breathed, "no, no, I can't take that, it was a gift."

"And now I'm gifting it to you," she shrugged, holding the book out. "C'mon, just take it, it'll make me feel good knowing you're cracking shitty jokes to yourself - or whoever will listen."

"I can't take this," you whispered.

"Just make sure you stay alive to give it back," Ellie compromised.

"Deal," you smirked, opening your arms and embracing the girl the moment she rushed into your chest. "I'll miss you," you whispered. You promised to see her as soon as you could (so you could return the joke, of course), kissed her forehead, then grabbed your bag, which had yet to be unpacked, and left the house.

You managed to find lodging in the old cantina, and you'd never know that when Joel got back that evening and saw your items gone, he breathed a sigh of relief. In his head, with you gone, it was one less painful reminder of Sarah, the life he had before; and while his mind played tricks into thinking he saw Sarah in town today, he realized you were the constant trigger.

The single strand that kept him in the past.

Constant reminder of who he was, who he wanted to be.

Prevented him from truly moving on.

Though not done in the best or most respectful way, in his heart, Joel knew he needed to shove you into the mud to get you to let go; you saw too much "good" in him. You saw him in the same light as Sarah, and he couldn't handle that; could not fathom that there was anyone left in this world who saw anything remotely humane in him.

So, Joel did what he did best: made his own life infinitely harder by pushing away those who loved him.

requesting rules and masterlist

TLOU masterlist

Clingy Baby masterlist

[tuwlips]

HI I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE YOUNG NANAMI

would it be okay if we get headcanons on him babysitting?

I was giggling while writing this. Nanami with kids is my Roman empire.

Babysitting with Young Nanami 🧸

Your 3 year old baby niece absolutely loved you. You two are like best friends. So you often babysat her while your sister was busy.

One sunday when you invited Nanami over to your house, he had no idea he would be welcomed by the sight of you holding a toddler.

Nanami knew you had a niece and even saw her pictures in your phone but he never saw her in person.

"Come in. My parents aren't home and her parents are busy, so it's just the three of us," you said bouncing the little girl on your hips.

Now your niece wasn't by any chance a shy kid. Nope she befriended Nanami so quickly.

Asking him what his favourite color was, which disney princess he liked (Nanami answered the princess which looked most like you because you are his favourite princess) and if he liked gummy bears or not.

Nanami answered each of her questions calmly, never getting annoyed. It really made you think he is such a sweetheart for being so patient with a child.

She loved makeovers and put little clips and bows on Nanami's hair while you baked cupcakes in the kitchen, something both Nanami and your niece loved.

Being the sweetheart he is, he allowed her.

The smell of cupcakes filled the living room. When you walked in you surely didn't expect the sight of Nanami in cupcake clips and pink bows. His head hung low and face red from embarassment. He's so awkward and cute. However hearing your laughs and giggles made it worth it for him.

Maybe it wasn't so embarassing after all?

“You look so pwetty,” your niece complimented Nanami. “T-Thank you.”

Poor Nanami sometimes gets caught off guard by the things your the little girl says.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Sweet little thing didn't know how to tell her that her aunt is his girlfriend. And when you told your niece that it's not okay to ask someone questions like that her curiosity still didn't die.

It's not a secret that Nanami is your boyfriend. Your sister knows it and your mother too (not your father maybe) but your niece didn't know it. She was so young, a baby. So you haven't brought it up.

"Well if you must know I'm his girlfriend." Your niece looked at Nanami (whose face was getting redder and redder) and looked back at you and then looked at Nanami again.

She walked over to Nanami, tugged at his arms with her tiny chubby hands and "So, are you my uncle? When are you marrying my aunt?"

Nanami choked on his apple juice. Both of your faces redder than ever while your baby niece tilted her tiny head as the clueless little baby she was.

The two of you couldn't make eye contact with each other.

The sun was painting the sky orange. The lazy afternoon coming to an end. Nanami helped you with the dishes and you made small talk.

"It's getting late, I should leave now," Nanami said looking at the clock. "Won't you stay for dinner? My parents won't be home until 8 and my sister won't mind you," you said. "Thank you, but I have things to do with Haibara tomorrow" "Then, wait here."

Your niece was painting something with crayons, Nanami couldn't make out what it was. A lot of yellow and pink. "Are you leaving? I'm going to miss you," she said. He smiled. "When we are both a little older, I will marry her"

Your niece let out a tiny gasp. "But you can't tell her that now. It's our secret for now" He let out his pinky and she wrapper her pinky fingers around his. "Pinky Promise," she whispered.

"What's going on here," you said making your way towards Nanami. "What are you two talking about?" "It's a secret," your niece grinned. "Oh so now we have secrets without me huh? Here, this is for you" You handed Nanami a cute pink bento set. "What's this?," he asked. "Your dinner, I cooked for you. Since you can't stay and eat I packed it for you. There's enough for two people if you wanna share with Haibara..or not," you grinned. "But don't give any to Gojo." He chuckled.

You were walking him outside when then your niece ran up to him. "Wait, I forgot to give you this." She held out a piece of paper to Nanami.

The lots of pink and yellow which Nanami saw earlier was actually a picture of him and his hair in pink bows, holding your hand with your niece in the middle.

"Aw did you draw this for Nanami? That is so sweet. You did a great job" Hearing her giggle made you happy. "Thank you," Nanami smiled and patter her head. She motioned for Nanami to bend down whispered something in his ear.

"I hope you two get married soon."

[This turned into a shoujo anime episode.]

[starsandhughes]

Penalty Box Series— National Boyfriends Day Edition

23-24 Season Masterlist

referenced: not so happy birthday and knight in shining armor

yourusername

liked by trevorzegras, jackhughes, and 10,611 others

yourusername “‘it’s always been him,’ she smiled. ‘our souls just dance the same.’” (atticus)

trevor zegras— my first love, my only love, my other half, my perfect match, and my soon to be husband, i don’t think the world knows how to fathom the love i have for you. because there isn’t a perfect word to truly capture how you make me feel.

there isn’t a word to perfectly describe how i feel when i see your brighter-than-the-sun smile, or how i feel when i hear the melody of my soul that is your laugh. there isn’t a word that expresses how complete i am with you, or how you’re the only home i’ll ever need.

if love is the only word that comes close to all of that, then i will never stop saying it. but there’s other ways to describe “love,” and i’ll say those, too. you’re captivating. i’m enamored with you. i’m infatuated with you. i’m addicted to you. you make me burn with desire. you’re my sun, my moon, and all my stars. every fiber of my being aches for you. we fit each other perfectly. i’ll always choose you.

so happy national boyfriends day to my ex boyfriend and future ex fiancé!

i love you, always, my sweet boy❤️ YOU are my roman empire

tagged trevorzegras

view all 377 comments

trevorzegras you really know how to swoop a man off his feet❤️ i love you, forever, my sweet girl (when will the ex boyfriend jokes stop?) (you’re my roman empire)

yourusername it’s a powerful give i choose to exert every day! (never)

trevorzegras can i say it?! can i say it?! can i say it?!

yourusername yeah, go ahead

trevorzegras SAP

yourusername speak for yourself!!

_quinnhughes you’re still going to call him your ex boyfriend when you’re married, aren’t you?

yourusername oh most definitely

trevorzegras @/yourusername can i sometimes be called your husband?

yourusername @/trevorzegras i’ll think about it

_quinnhughes @/yourusername you chose her

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes and i’ll do it again

user48 i’m in tears oh my god🥹😭

user22 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again! THIS will be my royal wedding

jackhughes stop being disgustingly cute

yourusername i will throw things at you

jackhughes you’re across the country

yourusername true, but not forever. prepare for war december 5th

jackhughes @_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras send help

trevorzegras @/jackhughes you’re on your own, kid. you always have been

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes i’ll let her go a few rounds

jackhughes @/trevorzegras @_quinnhughes if she dies, the blood is on your hands

yourusername @/jackhughes dramatic much?

jackhughes @/yourusername i learned it from you

jamie.drysdale i wish you two weren’t my roman empir but i constantly fear i’ll have to bail one of you out of jail

yourusername ONE TIME! IT HAPPENED ONE TIME!

trevorzegras you didn’t even bail us out!

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras i was prepared to

_quinnhughes @/trevorzegras he tried but i told him you two were my mess to take care of

yourusername @_quinnhughes idk how to respond to that

trevorzegras @_quinnhughes what she said

_alexturcotte i’m having war flashbacks

jackhughes me too

lhughes_06 me too

colecaufield me too

_quinnhughes me too

yourusername me too

trevorzegras me too

jamie.drysdale MY BAD! DAMN!

user7 you two are the travis and taylor of the nhl and i stand by that

yourusername i’m so honored😭

slknight35 @/trevorzegras remember when you called yourself sissy’s knight in shining armor because she tripped and you caught her and then asked what your prize was for winning the shot competition and then we all made you two kiss?

trevorzegras that was the best party you ever threw

trevorzegras wait, do you also have a sissy pass?!

slknight35 @/yourusername was this supposed to be a secret? i’ve called you sissy for years?

colecaufield @/slkight35 YEARS?! DO YOU HAVE A TWO PER YEAR PASS?!

slknight35 @/yourusername i think i broke them

yourusername @/slknight35 don’t worry, spency, i got this

yourusername @/trevorzegras so help me god, we AREN’T IN HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE! WE DO THE DIRTY! WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME SISSY?!

trevorzegras @/yourusername WHY WOULD YOU PHRASE IT LIKE THAT?!

yourusername @/trevorzegras so sorry, my love, would you like me to go into specifics?

slkight35 @/yourusername let’s not

_quinnhughes @/yourusername MINORS COULD BE PRESENT

yourusername @/slknight35 @_quinnhughes I WASN’T GONNA DO IT

_quinnhughes @/yourusername you’re unpredictable. we have to take precautions.

colecaufield @/yourusername and where is my explanation, best friend number two?

yourusername @/colecaufield i like him better than you

colecaufield @/yourusername we aren’t friends for the next 28 minutes

yourusername @/colecaufield cry baby

slkight35 @/yourusername that’s some tough love

jackhughes @/slknight35 that’s not even close to her tough love

trevorzegras @/slkight35 i’m actually proud of her

yourusername @/trevorzegras it’s your national boyfriends day gift <3

user19 sissy: *writes the sweetest caption in the history of ever* also sissy: *still unhinged*

user5 “future ex fiancé” y/n give me one chance! i’ll gladly be called your ex fiancé!

jackhughes did you use up your niceness cap in the caption?

yourusername maybe, who knows?

colecaufield @/yourusername me! i know!

yourusername @/colecaufield mwah!

colecaufield @/yourusername mmf

jackhughes @/yourusername you’d think that california sunshine would’ve made you extra happy

yourusername @/jackhughes i AM happy! i just must protect spency! i love him! and i love you, soulmate!

jackhughes @/yourusername suspicious… i love you, too, soulmate…

_alexturcotte you two are disgusting(ly cute)

yourusername nice save, bestie

_alexturcotte i gotta stay on your good side!

yourusername i don’t have a bad side! @.trevorzegras do i have a bad side????

trevorzegras @/yourusername no, sweet girl, you’re all good side

trevorzegras @_alexturcotte quirky! we call her quirky!

_alexturcotte @/trevorzegras whatever you say

jamie.drysdale @_alexturcotte you’ve been friends with her for how long?

_alexturcotte @/jamie.drysdale to be fair, we used to call her our precious psycho

jackhughes @/jamie.drysdale she was so precious

jamie.drysdale @/trevorzegras she’s so sweet at home and i’m frequently shocked the more i learn about you guys in high school

trevorzegras @/jamie.drysdale love changed her

yourusername @/trevorzegras you make me a better person, what can i say?

_alexturcotte there’s that disgusting cuteness again

trevorzegras I JUST WANT TO PUBLICLY ANNOUNCE THAT Y/N IS ACTUALLY THE SWEETEST, KINDEST, MOST LOVING PERSON ON THE PLANET! WE ALL JUST SHOW LOVE VIOLENTLY!

yourusername god i’m so in love with you

trevorzegras uno reverse

colecaufield i’m cole caufield, and i approve this message

yourusername @/colecaufield damn right <3

jackhughes sissy just shows love more violently than us

yourusername @/jackhughes bite me

jackhughes @/yourusername wouldn’t be the first time

_quinnhughes @/jackhughes @/yourusername you two are a lot

lhughes_06 @_quinnhughes i’d normally say don’t talk about my parents like that, but i was there the last time jack bit her

slknight35 @/lhughes_06 nice to hear they haven’t changed

lhughes_06 @/slkight35 they got worse

jamie.drysdale ignoring the biting, i’d like to also say that my ex wife is the loveliest, weirdest person i’ve ever met

yourusername @/jamie.drysdale aww, you sap!

trevorzegras @/yourusername I LOVE YOU THE MOST! THIS IS MY DAY! MY POST!

yourusername @/trevorzegras OKAY I’M SORRY! I LOVE YOU THE MOSTEST! YOUR DAY! I’M ALL YOURS!

trevorzegras @/yourusername forever?

yourusername @/trevorzegras always❤️

[blicketdabest33]

Y'all remember that MCYT PJO au I asked for help with awhile ago? WELL HERE'S THE CABINS AND MY EXPLINATIONS BEHIND THEM!!

#1 Zeus Cabin: Jimmy, Joel Jimmy: He's a Zeus kid, but everyone somehow forgets about it. Joel: He's competitive and strong. Also, because Jimmy is his half brother through godly parent, i get to make a fun bit about him dating Lizzie. And one of his origins in Afterlife SMP was a thunderborn

#2 Hera Cabin: Scott Scott: Scott's whole thing is loyalty. Hera is the goddess of marriage and is insanely loyal to Zeus. However, I feel like Hera should get at least one affair. So now Scott can use peacocks as weapons.

#3 Poseidon Cabin: Skizz Skizz: Poseidon kids tend to be really, really loyal to a fault and heroic, both qualities I think Skizz possesses.

#4 Demeter Cabin: Sausage, Shelby, Bdubs, Stress Sausage: This man built Sanctuary in a jungle and has flowers in his hair. He sells wood. There is no other place to put him. Shelby: Mushroom gnome, spooky mangrove witch, powerful storm witch, i need not continue. Bdubs: Moss man. Stress: SHE HAS FLOWERS

#5 Ares Cabin: Martyn, False Martyn: His planet is Mars, which is the roman version of Ares. He ended Limited Life in such a violent way, i can't help it. He was also red for the majority of Secret Life. False: I just feel like False should get to kill people more often.

#6 Athena Cabin: Grian, Pix, Owen, Xisuma Grian: This sums it up pretty well

Pix: Smart man. Archeologist and definitely a nerd. I wanna see him skipping out on training just so he can read history books. Owen: He likes to explore and discover new things in Pirates. In Rats, he's a tinkerer. In New Life, he's an explorer who wants to study hybrids. In Empires, he's a Llama who's curious about how humans work. Just a very curious character overall. Xisuma: Admin. I'm not elaborating.

#7 Apollo Cabin: Gem, Oli, Lyarrah Gem: She is an Apollo kid because of her Empire in S2. She's the sunlight princess. Apollo kid. Oli: MUSIC. MAN. Lyarrah: She writes the captions for the hermitcraft recap.

#8 Artemis Cabin: Pearl Pearl: Y'know, Artemis could've just like... had a kid, even though she took that oath. It wouldn't even have to be with a guy. Gods can change to whatever gender they want. Anyway, Pearl gets to be an Artemis kid because her symbolism is moon, she loves dogs, and will commit murder and hunt at night.

#9 Hephaestus Cabin: Doc, Mumbo, Tango, Impulse, Cub, Zedaph, Fwhip, Iskall Doc: Redstone Mumbo: Redstone Tango: Redstone Impulse: Redstone Cub: Redstone Zedaph: Redstone Fwhip: Redstone AND has a red scarf (don't ask me how that's relevant) Iskall: Redstone

#10 Aphrodite Cabin: Keralis Keralis: Okay, I don't know why, but Keralis gives me the vibes of a very charming person. His voice is nice to listen to, so imagine how useful it'd be if I gave him charm speak.

#11 Hermes Cabin: Scar, Etho, Joe Scar: Trader Scar, scammer extraordinar. Etho: All i must say is Shady-E's. I get "jack-of-all-trades, master of none, often better than master of one" vibes from him. He's funny, he's mischievous, it just works. Joe: Comedy man. Excellent delivery. And, yet again, i look at this man and go "That right there is a multi-talented man with a habit for mischief."

#12 Dionysus Cabin: Joey, Beef Joey: *points at his season one empires theme* i need not say more Beef: Idk, food. I don't really have a reason. I don't know too much about Beef.

#13 Hades Cabin: Zloy Zloy: Zombie man. He writes the Hermitcraft recaps in the dark at 2am with nothing but pure spite.

#14 Iris Cabin: Katherine Katherine: SHE. HAS. COLORS. and also I couldn't put her in Demeter cabin because Shelby is already there and i am NOT excluding Nature Wives from this au

#15 Hypnos Cabin: Bigb, XB, Wels Bigb: Sleepy stuff, right? WRONG. Gaslight. Go in everyones dreams, make fake prophecies, peace out, and cause chaos. XB: I look at his fanon design, I see an alien, and I go "aha he sleeps" Wels: This guy (@dingdinghq) said so and i completely agree. Something about sleeping in S6.

#16 Nemesis Cabin: Edit: wels not here no more

#17 Nike Cabin: Ren Ren: VICTORY. I don't know much about Ren's story in the Life Series, but I look at this man and see someone who has won a lot.

#18 Hebe Cabin: 

#19 Tyche Cabin: TFC TFC: Man goes mining and gets really lucky. That's it.

#20 Hecate Cabin: Lizzie, Cleo, Jevin Lizzie: Witchy vibes. Also, Arson. Cleo: Arson. She uses her magic for Arson. Jevin: He's a magic slime. Also, Arson. All Hecate kids love Arson.

[sil3ntfr34k]

Postal dude 2 boyfriend headcanons

• Mans is RANCID but you still love him <33

• Even with how sassy and sarcastic as he is, he still has a soft spot for you. Isn't very good as showing it, but he does little things here and there to show his love for you

• Y'all probably met during one of his errands his wife made him run, bumping into each other in line while he was getting milk. He was very surprised that someone is actually talking to him and not cussing him out. Y'all chatted it up before you had to pay for your items and leave, leaving him alone once again

• He would be lying if he said he didn't follow you home like some creep to find out where you live so he could 'check-in' on you periodically

• After a handful of conversations and hang outs, he can't seem to stop thinking about you. Even while still married to his current wife, he'd still fantasize about being married to you instead

• He eventually does divorce his bitch wife so he can have a life with you. This doesn't bother the bitch anyway since she was already cheating on him with Mike J,,,

• Once you two start dating you get to see a softer, more gentle side of Dude. Where he was once a crass and inconsiderate, he has become more understanding and loving. He's surprisingly clingy!

• Before you moved in with Dude (or he moves in with you, whatever you like best) he would always hang out at your place anyway. Hell, he'd even bring over Champ just so he could have both his favorite things with him at the same time.

• (Champ is literally his son he gave birth to, no one can tell him otherwise. Sure Dude can be a little mean to Champ, but what parent doesn't get annoyed of their kids now and then??)

• If Dude moved in with you, then Champ gets upgraded to a house dog and no longer has to rough it outside since his bitch ex-wife didn't like pets. Also Dude still has his trailer and all, but it's more of a 'back-up house' or storage.

• No matter if he moved in with you or you moved in with him. he lets you decorate however you'd like. he's pretty adaptable to most environments since he moved around to a lot of different places growing up. Of course he's still messy and smells, but he tries JUST A LIL harder for you

• "Sorry babe, but my crack comes first."

• Please be understanding of this. He's been through a lot and it helps with a lot of his problems. From his chronic pains throughout his body to his schizophrenic episodes, being unsober helps him relax

• Dude is really nervous about telling you about his schizophrenia. His ex-wife always made his episodes worse by yelling at him that he's crazy or something, so he dreads having to tell you. What if you don't understand? What if you get weirded-out and leave him?? What if you start to see him as a burden?? Oh god what is he supposed to do if you want him to leave?????

• Underneath his cocky and confident facade, he's actually incredibly insecure and scared. Even just the tiniest bit of rejection or negative action from you is like this roman empire. He had stopped caring about what his ex-wife thought of him long before the divorce so nothing she did or said really affected him. But you. Your too special to him. He hangs off your every word

• Dates with him are very,,, intimate? Not in the way you might think of, more of in a 'It's just us' way. He's not exactly a people person so he doesn't want to even see other people while on a date with you

• He probably lands on something like a dinner and a show at home or playing some video games while eating all the junk food in the world together. To be fair, there's not exactly a 'nice' area in Paradise, so most couples just stay inside for things like this anyway.

• No matter what y'all end up doing, you better believe you have his undivided attention. All you got do is say the magic word ("now") and he will give it to you on a silver platter

• Even with how good of a boyfriend he seems to be, Dude is NOT Mr. Perfect. Dude has his bad habits and red-flags too.

• During heated arguments Dude can and will throw something at you, might even threaten to kill you tbh. Watch ur step bc that gun is always loaded with the safety off. Doesn't help he's trigger happy too,,,

• Dude also needs his alone time. Yesyesyes he loves you dearly, but the man still needs his space. Isn't afraid to say something like "Hey I gotta go do something, be back babe" and proceed to just lay in bed for 3 hours (Postal Dude bedrotting)

• It's very hard to get Postal Dude to open up about ANYTHING. Like, after being together for 5 years AND being engaged, your barely learning about his strange and very illegal family tree. Come to think of it, you never even knew he had parents. Yea you know he has to have a mom and dad, but you don't know if they're any good or still in his life.

• During a manic/depressive/crack-endued/schizophrenic episode, he makes it very hard for you to be there for him. He doesn't mean to do this, but it's not like can help it. To you, he's just acting-out, but to him, everyone is trying to hurt him and he's not safe anywhere. Suddenly it's like he's a totally different person, constantly running away from you and hiding. Honestly it might be best for you to just wait it out, maybe offer him some comforting words but still stay away.

• Overall, Postal Dude is a bumbling idiot who just wants to feel accepted by someone

[pookiebearsnookumsalicent]

B&C and Helaena discourse is on a rise and yall know that's my roman empire so i WILL be giving my two cents (for the thousandth time😼)

First off, B&C

I see a lot of people claiming B&C was the Greens fault, but when you take a second to think you will see that nothing the Greens did as a whole caused B&C. It simply would not have happened if Aemond (1 singular green) had not killed Lucerys for taking his eye. (i believe this excuse comes more from a "well you reap what you sow this is what you get for usurping rhaenyra" mindset rather than thinking ALL the greens are directly to blame for B&C but whatevs) People argue it was Aegon's fault, too, because he celebrated Luke's death with a feast, but that's actually a headcanon. F&B states Aegon celebrated Luke's death, but it skips over any offense it caused Rhaenyra and Daemon. It only says that after learning of Luke's DEATH (not the feast) Daemon sends a letter telling Rhaenyra Luke would be avenged. It was not the feast it was the boy's death that led to B&C.

People also have been saying B&C was necessary and it simply wasn't. Jaehaerys was entirely unrelated to any issue regarding Luke, therefore it wasn't even really avenging him. Luke wasn't actually avenged until Aemond (his killer) died. B&C was not necessary to avenge Luke—it was more of an intimidation tactic on Daemon's behalf.

As for Helaena, people are saying she should've taken her kids, flown to Dragonstone, and bent the knee as per Rhaenyra's peace terms.

That's kind of just dumb lol. Rhaenyra's terms were not individual, she wanted ALL of her siblings to go to her and bend the knee, not just one. If Helaena went to Dragonstone by herself, Aegon would still be Rhaenyra's enemy. Helaena and her children, Aegon's heirs, would become high profile hostages.

Also, Helaena is the queen of the Green Faction. She was crowned by Alicent alongside Aegon. Nothing in F&B implies she's NOT in support of Aegon. If anything, she's passive. She councils him against his stupidity, but that doesn't mean she's a secret supporter of Rhaenyra.

The Greens also happen to be her closest family. Her mom and brothers—people she grew up with. If I remember correctly, she used to visit Alicent in the Tower of the Hand with her children every night. She and Aegon shared a bed until her son was killed. She was described as a happy girl, and if she was miserable, she still clearly held love for her family.

Rhaenyra, however, is a stranger to her. Not just a stranger, but also someone that would mock her mother and her siblings at court.

She had no reason to go to Rhaenyra when the war began.

People are also quite weird about the topic of her suicide, but seeing as suicide is a real issue in a way that usurping, sending assassins after a child, and feeding a boy to a dragon are NOT I won't address that. You are weird if you be laughing about suicide tho ngl.

FINAL PSA: A lot of yall like to go "I love Helaena, she so sweet and gentle and innocent and kind and cute and she's the only green I love BUT..." Yall dont like Helaena and yall CAN admit it. She's a fictional character you dont have to pretend to like her just because you have a moral superiority complex.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

julius caesar but i've never watched it

...either the play or the actual man. I am not a time-travelling voyeur. Why does that give Doctor Who vibes? I haven't watched that either.

Anyway, happy Ides of March, tumblr. I am about as enthusiastic about the celebration as Neil Gaiman is, but here we are. Doing what I do worst, making a summary of things I have no authority to summarise... WAHOO LET'S GO. Whatever it is I know about the play:

Caesar was vibing sometime around the '40s. 0040s, not 1940s.

He has a wife named Calpurnia. A maggot wants to be her because and I quote 'no one ever listens to me either'.

She tells him not to go to some kind of coronation or speech or something on the Ides. He's like nah wifey 'sall gucci.

I regret saying that sentence. As did Caesar, because he went and got stabbed in 44. Spoiler alert.

People ship Mark Antony with Caesar but some ship Brutus and Caesar. *youtuber voice* Comment below with your favourite ship.

Don't do it I don't want to know. Anyway, he's also married to Cleopatra, who is killed by snake venom that may not have been snake venom or something.

Idk they were cute. They had a kid that ran away and Asterix and Obelix had to take care of him. Caesarian?

WAIT IS A C-SECTION CALLED A CAESARIAN BECAUSE YOU CUT IT OPEN AND CAESAR WAS STABBED? WHAT?

There is a soothsayer. He tries to soothwarn Caesar.

Caesar does not soothlisten. Caesar is a lil bitch.

On the Ides of March, Caesar goes up to the soothsayer who is lurking on the steps of the maybe-coronation place. He soothsays The Ides of March are come!

The soothsayer soothsighs and soothsays Aye, Caesar, but not gone.

The senators, otherwise known as the soothslayers, have been plotting for a while. Brutus is a very dear friend of Caesar. He thinks Caesar slays.

But the other senators convince him this is what's best for Rome. So he thinks Caesar should be slayed.

So now the soothslayers at the maybe-coronation gather around Caesar and start stabbing him. Et tu, Brute? and all that (though I remember something about that phrase not meaning the same thing as it does in popular context...).

The soothslayers are a bit extra. Like bro. One stab to the heart would have soothsufficed.

Anyway, Caesar is soothslayed like the soothsayer soothsaid.

There is a funeral thing. The People of Rome are cranky.

A maggot once said Moots, maggots, countrymen! and it lives rent-free in my head.

Anyway what Mark Antony actually says is a whole ass speech. FRIENDS, ROMANS, COUNTRYMEN, LEND ME YOUR EARS. I COME TO BURY CAESAR, NOT TO PRAISE HIM! THE EVIL THAT MEN DO LIVES AFTER THEM, THE GOOD IS INTERR'D WITH THEIR BONES (I THINK I HAVEN'T HEARD THE SPEECH IN A WHILE OK) SO LET IT BE WITH CAESAR.

So he gives the soothspeech and everyone is emotional. IF YOU HAVE TEARS, PREPARE TO SHED THEM NOW. Damn bro. It's like playing villain music just as the camera focuses on the villain.

Anyway then there is a lot of chaos and blah blah blah Mark Antony does some stuff Caesar's adoptive son Octavian does some stuff.

There's some bloke named Augustus who may or may not be Octavian (if he was sorry for the deadname Auggy my bad).

Brutus is killed? Or he kills Mark Antony? One of them die.

They were totally not fighting over who was a better lover to Caesar.

Roman Republic gone byebye as I say to Roxie. Roman Empire starts. The end.

Er.

That was a thing. I rather like summarising my homeboy Shakespeare haven't read him in a while and I only read his comedies. Maybe I should do more in honour of the Globe Theatre Maggots.

Happy Ides. Please don't soothslay me. I've been a good Maggot Prince to you, haven't I?

*runs just in soothcase*

[shakesthewizard]

Now I want to know some of your polycule dynamic ideas for the bad kids???

This is a dream come true, okay walk with me

Let's start out with a couple of what I would consider fundamental pairings. In most any configuration of the group you can think of, most if not all of these are gonna be necessary for me to really get invested.

Fabriz. Duh. Need I say more.

Fabadaine. It's my fucking roman empire and I WILL go on about it for another thousand words if you ask

Figadaine. Support women's wrongs! Going shopping! My girlfriend is a rockstar and we make out backstage! My girlfriend is the elven oracle and we make out twice because she has a vision of it happening first!

I've also got some pairings that are nice on their own, but that I don't find like, mandatory if you're gonna sell me on something.

GorgugxFig. She's so loudly angry to hide her fear; he's so quietly scared of his own anger. She made him join her band and he's probably the better musician. They're so nice to each other.

FigxKristen. Fall into temptation. Make out with the devil on your shoulder. She helps you kill your god. She becomes your devoted paladin. The ArchDevil of Rebellion pulls you into a cosmic war against the very divinity you were the Chosen One for.

Now as for larger groupings, things get pretty fun. There are so many to choose from. Like for example:

The Bad Boys. Like as a throuple. Think about it. You're the cool son of a famous pirate; you're already kicking ass at bloodrush; youre hot shit. A metalhead and a briefcase kid latch onto you like barnacles. This is so embarassing. Cut to a month later and you're all on a rooftop sharing a cigarette and looking at the stars. The briefcase kid kisses you, and metalhead is next in line. Briefcase kid is also your best friend, even without the insane new tension and the fact that he can dismantle your coolguy persona with seemingly no effort. He tastes like burnt coffee. Even ignoring how metalhead can crack skulls, but treats you with gentleness and even hesitation, like he's afraid you'll turn him down. As if. His bangs get in the way when he kisses you.

The Bad Girls as a throuple. This one feels almost too obvious for words. Three girls who are all trying so hard and failing to be normal, but from three different directions. Imagine one day seeing the uptight wizard girl with rich parents and girl who tried to convert you to fantasy mormonism on her first day both walk into school one day holding hands with that punk girl who's in a band and who has already turned like six other students gay just by being cool and pretty. Then at lunch, they're all sitting together, and the elf and the cleric both have the bard's lipstick on their lips and cheeks. The cleric looks at you. She winks. You go home confused.

Figaydadaine. Figayda I don't have to sell you on, but you can't tell me Ayda and Adaine aren't so fucking cute together it hurts. They make spells for each other! Adaine has the key to the Wizard's Synod! Adaine killed her dad with Ayda's spell. Come ON, this shit writes itself. Honestly Aydaine is so good by itself

There's also an extended world of qpr among the bad kids - Rizdaine would be a great example of this. I don't think of them as a Couple, but they are SO close and there's so much trust and intimacy there. That's a pair that cuddle while watching movies or doing mystery stuff.

qpr FigGug is another great possibility. Just take all the sweet support and kindness they already have and pry out the romance.

I think if you pitched me another pair/group I could find something interesting about it, but those are my off-the-dome thoughts. Thanks for asking!