#she is taking all this anger and rage at herself and shoving it at everyone around her and making her problem everyone’s problem and smth in

[milflewis]

sometimes i look at my sister and i see all the worst parts of me and it’s not terrible bc i don’t want that for her. which i don’t. but it’s terrible bc she’s doing it wrong

[charlosvibesonly]

Fuck, Marry, Kill

Lando Norris Imagine

You and Lando Norris have known each other since your rookie years in Formula 1. Both of you, born in the same year, had your paths intertwined from the very beginning. But you were never friends. You were far too shy and reserved to go talk to him. He was the popular, cool kid. It never bothered you. You had a goal - to race in Formula 1.

But being shy wasn’t without consequences. Any conversation you had with him was curt and to the point. You thought you were being professional, but Lando considered you an arrogant brat. He joked about you with his friends, while you stayed unaware of his dislike towards you. You climbed the ladder of your racing career fast. It was 2019, and you were already being called the hot shot. Maybe it was your temperance or your discipline, but there was a seat in Red Bull waiting for you. Later during the day, you stood at the edge of the paddock, eyes scanning the bustling scene as you spotted Lando chatting with a group of his friends. Taking a deep breath, you approached, determined to be cordial. You had heard the news earlier that day—Lando had signed with McLaren. It was a big deal, and despite your rocky history, you wanted to congratulate him.

“Hey, Lando,” you said, trying to sound friendly. “Congratulations on signing with McLaren. That’s huge.”

Lando turned to you, a smirk playing on his lips. “Oh, Y/N. Didn't expect you to come over here. Thought you were too busy basking in the glory of your Red Bull seat.”

You frowned, taken aback by his tone. “I just wanted to congratulate you. It’s a big step in your career.”

He scoffed, crossing his arms. “Yeah, sure. I bet you’re here just to rub it in my face. 'Look at me, I’m with Red Bull,' right?”

You felt a surge of anger rising within you. “What? No! I was genuinely trying to be nice. But clearly, that’s wasted on you.”

Lando’s smirk faded, replaced by a look of irritation. “You’ve always been condescending, Y/N. Acting all high and mighty.”

Your fists clenched at your sides. “I’m not condescending. I was being professional. But you—you're just a dick.”

His eyes narrowed, and before you knew it, he gave you a slight shove, pushing you aside. “Watch your mouth.”

You stumbled, barely keeping your balance. Anger and shock coursed through you, but words failed you. All you could do was glare at him, feeling a mix of rage and hurt.

He turned away, already dismissing you as he rejoined his friends, leaving you standing there, seething and speechless.

Your mentor, Claire Bennett, had been watching from a distance, her keen eyes catching the tail end of your confrontation with Lando. She saw the way he pushed you, the hurt in your eyes, and the way you stood there, fuming but silent. Claire had always been protective of you, understanding the challenges you faced in such a high-pressure environment.

After you walked away, she made her way over to Lando, her expression stern. “Lando, a word?”

He turned, slightly surprised to see her. “Claire. What is it?”

“I saw what just happened with Y/N. That was uncalled for,” she said, her voice firm.

Lando shrugged, his irritation still evident. “She was being her usual arrogant self. Acting like she’s better than everyone.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “Arrogant? Lando, Y/N is one of the shyest people I know. She’s always been reserved, not arrogant.”

He scoffed. “Reserved? She barely talks to anyone, and when she does, it’s always curt and to the point. She acts like she’s above us.”

Claire shook her head. “That’s not arrogance, Lando. That’s her way of coping. Her parents were incredibly strict, pushing her to be the best, but never allowing her to be herself. She’s had to deal with a lot of pressure and loneliness.”

Lando frowned, skepticism clear on his face. “So what? I’ve had my fair share of pressure too. But I don’t go around acting like I’m better than everyone else.”

“She doesn’t think she’s better, Lando. She just doesn’t know how to open up. She doesn’t have many friends in the racing community because she’s always been so focused on proving herself,” Claire explained gently.

He shook his head. “I don’t buy it. She thinks too much of herself. And you know what? I’m looking forward to putting her in her place on the track. Here in F1, we’re equals, and she’ll see that.”

Claire sighed, realizing she wasn’t getting through to him. 

Your relationship with Max Verstappen had always been one of mutual respect. Both of you had demanding parents and were driven by a need to prove yourselves, always striving for perfection no matter the personal cost. Max was often quiet and reserved, but he was always there for you, offering guidance when you needed it. The time you spent together during promotional events and in the paddock became something you looked forward to, and before you knew it, you found yourself developing a crush on him. You were thrilled when he won and worried sick when he crashed. Meanwhile, your own performance was strong, with successful qualifications in Q1 and Q2 in all your races so far, making the team happy.

One evening, after heavy rains canceled the practice sessions for the Japanese Grand Prix, a group of drivers, including Charles Leclerc, Daniel Ricciardo, Max, Carlos Sainz Jr., Lando, George Russell, and Alex Albon, decided to hang out at a bar. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to unwind and have a couple of beers.

As the night wore on, Lando saw his chance to corner you. “Hey, how about we play ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’?” he suggested, his eyes glinting with mischief.

There were a few reluctant glances, but eventually, everyone agreed. Lando started with George. “Alright, George, your choices are Charles, Alex, and Y/N.”

George, who had never particularly enjoyed your company, chuckled. “Marry Charles, fuck Alex, and kill Y/N.” The table erupted in laughter, but you dismissed it as George trying to be funny.

Next, Lando turned to Max. “Your turn, Max. Charles, Daniel, and Y/N.”

You felt your cheeks getting hot. Despite it being just a game, you were anxious to hear Max’s answer. Max smirked slightly. “That’s easy. Marry Daniel, fuck Charles, and kill Y/N.”

Your heart dropped at his words. Max thought he was being respectful, not wanting to make things awkward for you. Daniel added, “Watch out, Y/N, he might take you out in the next race,” prompting more laughter from the group. You managed a weak smile, but the comment stung. Lando noticed your discomfort and smirked, seeing his opportunity.

“Alright, Y/N, your turn,” Lando said, turning to you. “But let’s change it a bit for you. You only get to choose ‘Fuck’ or ‘Marry’.” You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, your heartbeat quickening. “And your choices are pretty easy,” he continued, dragging out the suspense. “Max... and Max.”

You felt the bottle in your hand slip and fall to the floor with a clatter. The other drivers processed the implications of Lando’s question, and your eyes met Max’s, who looked confused. Embarrassed, tears began to well up in your eyes. You tried to leave, but Lando grabbed your hand and stood up, stopping you.

“Come on, Y/N, finish the game. We’re only having fun,” he said, his face close to yours. You could see the merciless gleam in his green eyes. Reluctantly, you sat back down, tension hanging thick in the air.

Max kept glancing at you, unsure of what to say, while the other drivers moved on to discuss other things. You felt exposed and humiliated, your crush on Max now painfully obvious to everyone.

As the night came to an end, everyone started leaving the bar. You took a deep breath and approached Max, trying to find some comfort in his presence. “Max, can we talk for a moment?”

He looked at you, his expression softening. “Y/N, just forget about it. It was only a game. Don’t worry.”

His dismissive tone made your heart sink further. “Yeah, sure,” you mumbled, watching him walk away. Standing outside the bar, the tears you had been holding back finally spilled over. The humiliation mixed with the pain of possible rejection was too much to bear. You needed answers. You needed to confront Lando.

Spotting him a few feet away, you called out, your voice shaky but determined. “Lando, why do you treat me this way?”

He turned, a smug grin on his face. “What do you mean?”

“Cut the bullshit, Lando,” you snapped. “Why do you always go out of your way to make me feel like crap?”

He laughed, the sound grating on your already frayed nerves. “I love finally breaking that arrogance of yours.”

Fury surged through you, and you shoved him. “You’re such an ass,” you spat, turning to walk away. But before you could take more than a few steps, he grabbed your arm, pulling you back with a grip that hurt.

Your back collided with his chest, and he leaned down, whispering in your ear, “Never do that again.”

You struggled to break free, but his grip only tightened. “Maybe I really like you, Y/N. And I don’t like Max taking you away.”

You froze as his words sank in, your mind racing. Lando likes you? This couldn’t be real. His lips brushed your ear in a quick kiss, sending a shiver down your spine.

He let you go abruptly, and you stumbled forward, turning to face him. His smirk was still there, but his eyes held a different intensity.

“The fun has only begun,” he thought, walking away and leaving you standing there, bewildered and shaken. Now that your secret was out, Max started seeing you differently. He began spending more time with you, sharing quiet walks along the tracks and watching sunsets together. One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, he turned to you with a shy smile. “Would you like to go out with me, Y/N? On a real date?”

Your heart skipped a beat. “I’d love that, Max.”

To avoid unnecessary media attention, you decided to go to a bar, finding a quiet booth where you could talk in peace. As you settled into your seats, Max looked at you, his expression sincere. “I’m sorry for walking away so abruptly that day. I was surprised, and I didn’t handle it well.”

You smiled softly. “It’s okay, Max. I understand.”

Relief washed over his face, and he leaned in closer. Before you knew it, your lips met in a gentle kiss. The world seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you in that moment. But little did you know, Lando had been watching you all along. He never drank but kept turning a bottle of beer in his hand, his eyes dark with resentment. His attempt to expose you had backfired, and he hated that you got what you wanted.

After the date, you were on your way back to your hotel when you saw Lando in the lobby. You had been avoiding him, but there was nowhere to run now. He approached you with flowers in his hand. “For you, Y/N. I’m sorry for being such a dick. Let me make it up to you.”

You took the flowers, hoping to escape quickly, but Lando had different plans. He grabbed your face and kissed you, completely catching you off-guard. People in the lobby began to recognize both of you, and before you could react, he took your hand and rushed you to the elevator.

“What the hell was that?” you demanded, your voice a mixture of anger and confusion.

In the confined space of the elevator, Lando stepped closer, towering over you. “I told you, I don’t like Max taking you away.”

You looked up at him, searching for honesty in his eyes. “Do you really like me, Lando?”

His expression softened, and he nodded. “Ever since I laid eyes on you.”

Lando left after dropping you off at your room, but the damage was already done. By morning, pictures of the two of you in the hotel lobby were trending, igniting a frenzy among fans and the media. You woke up to a flurry of messages and missed calls, your heart sinking as you realized the implications.

Later that day, Max confronted you, his face a mask of hurt and confusion. “Y/N, what is this?” he asked, showing you the photos on his phone.

“It’s not what it looks like, Max. Lando just kissed me out of nowhere. I didn’t want it,” you explained, desperate for him to understand.

Max shook his head, his disappointment palpable. “I don’t know if I can trust you now. Maybe it’s best if we end things here.”

“Max, please—”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I just can’t do this,” he said, turning and walking away, leaving you standing there with tears welling in your eyes.

Determined to confront Lando about his actions, you made your way to the paddock. As you approached, you overheard him talking to George, laughing about the plan he had concocted.

“I told you, George, it worked like a charm. Max is out of the picture,” Lando said, chuckling.

Anger flared within you, and you stepped forward. “So this was all a game to you?”

Lando turned, surprise briefly flashing across his face before he smirked. “Oh, Y/N. I didn’t see you there.”

“You’re a real piece of work, Lando,” you spat, turning to leave.

But Lando followed you, grabbing your arm and pushing you into a dimly lit room nearby. Your heart pounded as he leaned in, his breath warm against your ear. “Your heart’s beating fast, Y/N. Fuck, marry, or kill? Lando, Lando, and Lando.”

You tried to calm down, but his proximity made it difficult. He brushed his thumb over your lips, his eyes dark and intense. “Kill you, asshole,” you said, breaking free and shoving him.

He caught your hands, his grip firm. “I told you, Y/N, never do that. Max is good, but what we have is so much fun. Don’t you think?” He smirked, his words dripping with mockery.

Your cheeks burned.

As you walked away from Lando, you called back over your shoulder, “Stay away from me, Lando.” 

Days passed, and the tension between you and Max eased somewhat. Max had discovered the truth about Lando’s antics. One evening, he approached you with a softened expression. “Y/N, I know what Lando did. I’m sorry for not believing you sooner.”

You looked at him, relief washing over you. “Thank you, Max. I never wanted things to be this complicated.”

Max sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I forgive you, Y/N. But... I’ve noticed the way you look at Lando. There’s something there, isn’t it?”

Your eyes widened in surprise, but you couldn’t deny it.

A few days later, you found yourself at the same bar where Lando had started the game that changed everything. Sitting alone at the bar, you spotted him, his expression unreadable. Gathering your courage, you walked up to him.

“Fuck, marry, or kill me?” you asked, your voice light but your heart pounding.

Lando turned around, a smile tugging at his lips. “Aren’t you being arrogant to think I’d want all three with you?”

You laughed, the tension between you easing. “Maybe,” you replied, stepping closer to him.

His hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer. “Maybe kiss you first.”

[threepandas]

Bad End - Chosen: Part 2

Back <- | -> Next

When I remember the game, I mostly remember the outfits. The frills and ornate designs. In another life, I adored them. Now? They disgust me.

They disgust me because I know EXACTLY what it takes to make each and every dress the heroine so thoughtlessly runs through. Flinging herself through mud and climbing up trees in the name of be "plucky". Tearing them for bandages, as though she is not a SAINT with the power of the very GODS at her finger tips. All manner of so called "cute" actions that... that in reality?

Are thoughtless.

Needlessly, cruelly thoughtless.

It takes months to make even a single one of those dresses. Months. Heavy magic is involved. They defy gravity, are delicate and soft in ways no normal cloth could ever BE. The jewels on them? Ha. You think those came from earthly mines? Who could AFFORD that? No one. Not a single soul.

I once worked on some. For the daughter of a Duke. Awkward little thing. In turns, arrogant and insecure. More lonely then anything else. I was the first girl her age that WASN'T trying to use her for family or stab her in the back. It flustered her terribly. She kept coming up with reasons the dress "wasn't right" just so she could delay having to go home.

Never did admit to wanting to be friends.

But she DID graciously allow me to send her letters. Visit, on occasion.

I... I truely hope she made it out alive, when her Dukedom fell. Her family guarded the western front for generations. She was so stubborn. I... I doubt she fled. But in my heart? I hope she did.

I hope she was selfish.

Everyone else gets to be. That BITCH, gets to be. So why not her? Why not that insecure child? Bratty and bold? Why not Cordelia, who only ever wanted to make her bastard of a father proud? Why... w-why not me?

My anger isn't gone, when I open my eyes. But my exhaustion and sorrow are far stronger. I can't feel my magic. It would be a suprise too. What fool, after all, captures a Mage then let's them keep their access? Even a mouse is dangerous, given enough time, as the saying goes. And I was no mouse.

I hang in a remarkably pretty room, for a dungeon. My arms do not even strain. I suspect I am partially floating. Not enough for leverage, but enough that my weight is not hanging from my arms. I am merely anchored by them. It has the added benefit, I suspect, of keeping me from using the floor to aid in any escape plans.

There is a comfortable chair placed in front of where I hang. Ominous. Is my suffering going to be a show then? Some amusement? They'll be disappointed. I refuse to give them the satisfaction. I know people break. But I'll bite my tongue long befo-

My dark musings are cut off, by the quite sound of a door opening on well oiled hinges into a dead silent room. The crisp step of a powerful man, assured of his place, his path. The door is behind me, yet I already know who has just entered the room. Fear, rage, and confusion have already SEARED that scent into my brain. I will die knowing it.

I grit my teeth and refuse to acknowledge him.

"Awake and already in quite the mood, I see. Understandable, I suppose, Grandlearner." The MONSTER who has me, muses, his voice terribly pleasant. "You were in quite the wretched state. Still are, unfortunately, but we will be fixing that."

I want to hiss like a cat. It is beneath me. Would probably do nothing but amuse him. But I suddenly understand the animal more then I ever have before. If he gets near me, I will BITE. I swear to the very gods I DISPISE. I will do it!

He strolls into my field of vision holding a silver serving tray. Little dishes of finger foods. I have a sinking suspicion but immediately shove it away. No. No, it is probably for him. The tray is placed upon a side table, next to the chair. He hasn't looked at me directly yet. Merely fussing as though hosting a guest.

He stands up, finished. Turns. And SMILES.

The fear I have been so desperately trying to control breaks from of my desperate hands. I jerk back in the chains, as far as I am able. Cold sweat beading up across my skin. I can't run. Even if I could, this close? I'd never make it. But primal instincts do not listen to reason. Run, run, RUN! It HOWLS in my brain.

There has never been a more dangerous man.

He is not even threatening me.

He's just not hiding.

He hums, amused as I shake. Gentle steps forward. Gloved hands I can not escape. They cup my face as my lungs feel like they are burning with panic. Brain certain he is moments from tightening his grip, brutally, and snapping my neck. It never comes. His hands dangerously gentle. Stroking my cheeks possessively.

"Look at you... so malnourished. Barely trained at all. My poor Grandlearner," he all but sighs, as though he is looking at the proof of some great crime. Some failing against him. "Look how useless that boy has been. Dropping you in battlefields to do his job for him, while he goes panting after children a fraction his age. A lecherous failure at every turn. More a temple's dog then a mage."

The air has slowly turned to burning ice, as he grows angrier. But his eye flicks down to meet mine, no longer staring through me, but AT me. And his smile warms. It is a manic, mad man's warmth. Like the burning of a city. He slides his hands down to cup my neck, cradle my head. I freeze. Too afraid of the hands on my neck to protest as he leans forward to press a kiss to my forhead.

"Mmmm, but enough of that. No more bad thoughts. Let us focus on the now. You, my dear child, need to eat. And I have so much to LEARN about you! So many years lost between us. I have brought several dishes for you to try."

An incredulous laugh found itself trapped in my throat. Is he serious? He has me chained up like a trophy, has BUTCHERED my men, unknown intentions towards me, and he... what? Wants me to eat adorable little snacky treats?

He is completely serious.

And, I find out, has no problem forcing me to open my mouth. If I "can not behave myself", that is. I see, all to clearly, what his plan is. Stockholm Syndrome. Brainwashing. But... but being AWARE of something does not stop it from WORKING on you. How long can I hold out?

Longer then this cycle? Will he remember, as I do? Try to find me again? I don't know. Without my magic, I can not fight the fear. Even with my magic... he is the dragon to my ant. I can not even hope to match my Master, much less HIS Master. And the legendary Arch-Mage of Red? It would be easier to drain a lake with a spoon. Move a desert handful by handful.

Hands that have slaughtered countless, card themselves through my hair, as I am once again forced to eat some little decadence that tastes like ash and ruin on my tounge.

"See? Isn't this so much better?" He croons, too close and triumphant. A mockery of doting grandfather's everwhere. "With Grandmaster here, you'll never have worry about a thing. We'll correct your training, get you back where your supposed to be, and together? Fix this broken world. Be GODS. You'll be such a shining little God, sweet one. Spring, perhaps? We can pick the domain you want together~"

"I'll help you kill them. Take their heart and devour it. Then? Nothing will ever be able to take you from me ever again. No, not ever, ever again."

[calxia]

Its another bus night for the band. Everyone was exhausted by a string of back-to-back rituals with very little downtime to collect themselves and recentre in-between and were all ready to crash as soon as the bus set in motion. They had formed a ghoul pile in the back lounge again as they were prone to do when exhausted.  They were a tangle of limbs and tails and messy hair all sprawled out on the larger mattress. Every ghoul was included, except Phantom.

Phantom was instead scrunched up in his too small bunk trying to surpass the loneliness enough to catch a few hours of restless sleep. Hed never been invited to the Pack cuddle sessions and was too nervous to even think about if he would be allowed. It was much easier to stay away, even if it made him feel lost and unwanted inside.

The ghoul pile wasn’t as relaxed as usual either. Harsh whispers being passed between Cirrus and Dew were causing an uncomfortable tension to brew in the pile. They were taking about Phantom and his exclusion from the pack piles. It was a topic that many of the recent piles had been ruined by when dew inevitably decides to start an argument with whoever proposes to let the newest ghoul join.

“Dew this is starting to get ridiculous,” Cirrus said, “we can all smell his distress from here and you know that it’s unfair to cast him out like this.”

An unhappy frown had been growing across her face the whole time she’d been arguing with the fire ghoul and she looked positively stormy now.

“Cir why would we want the replacement here?” He spat out in reply, his skin visibly beginning to heat up in his anger.

“he’s part of the pack now whether you like it or not, so you need to suck it up and stop being a dick because he’s very obviously hurting now.” Cirrus replies.

This sends dew into a huffy strop and he turns away from the other ghouls with a growl.

“Whether you like it or not he’s going to join us tonight, Dew.” Cirrus says as she begins to untangle herself from the other ghouls and stand up.

It takes her a few minutes to untangle herself and then she moves towards the bunk space, ignoring the low growl coming from dew. She passes Copia’s bunk first and pauses to check that he’s sleeping fine. A loud snoring noise can be held from behind the curtain so she continues to walk down the aisle until she gets to one of the last bunks. The curtain is drawn but a soft sniffling can be heard through it which only exemplifies how much he should be with his pack instead of suffering alone. Aether would never be able to forgive them if they found out how much they’d abandoned the younger quintessence ghoul.

“Phantom, I’m going to pull back the curtain now because I know that you are sad and I want to help you.” She softly whispers to him before pulling the curtain back. The sight that greets her is pitiful.

The lanky ghoul is curled up as tiny as a newborn kit and has his thin sheet covered completely around him and his head. Cirrus grabs a corner of it and pulls it back to reveal his tear-streaked face.

“Oh no bug.” She sighs out as she reaches forwards to hold his hand and pull him out the cramped bunk. He tries to put up some resistance but the air ghoulette is having none of it. He’s soon pulled to his feet and into the back lounge.

All the ghouls except Dew are still a tangle of limbs, while dew sits in the corner pouting and furious about cirrus ignoring him. She bares him no mind and instead shoves the quintessence ghoul forwards onto the centre of the pile. The rest of the pack immediately move to cover him and cirrus rejoins them all. He looks shellshocked and unbelieving. It makes Cirrus sad. How could they have failed this new ghoul who was hardly even old enough to not be a kit so much.

(Dew continues to rage the rest of the night at the edge of the pile while everyone else falls into a blissful sleep)

[storiesoflilies]

school bus love (5)

synopsis: it’s high time to throw caution to the wind, don’t you think?

pairing: teen!toji fushiguro x teen!f!reader

warnings: none.

a/n: i just wanted to say that I absolutely adore all the comments saying this drabble series is making you nostalgic. besides me telling you all a bit about myself, the main goal really was to create a slice of life piece that makes people reminisce their school days xo

drabble series / part 4

today was momentous.

freedom was teasing her, dangling sweet summer fruits and the smell of sea salt in front of her. she gritted her teeth, her wrist aching as she frantically wrote the final few sentences of her last question. the clock was ticking, and it would all be over soon.

three.

two.

one…

“that’s it, everyone! time’s up!”

she had never packed up her things so fast in her life, practically shoving her way through the throng of students gathering outside the exam hall. all she could think about was feeling the warm sun on her skin and seeing the patches of blue between the jagged white clouds. today marked the final exam she had to sit, and she was now completely free for the summer.

in a exactly a week’s time, she would be sunning herself on the beach, swimming through crystal-clear waters, and snacking on crunchy slices of watermelon in the shade of palm trees with her best friends. in a week’s time, she would be back home for a whole month, a prospect that should make her buzz with excitement, if not for the nagging reminder of just one thing.

she wouldn’t be seeing toji.

they’d had a handful of conversations over the past three weeks, but nothing more had progressed. she still wasn’t sure if he really liked her, and she was starting to become convinced that she had to cut her losses. it was becoming exhausting overanalyzing toji’s every word, trying to decipher any hidden meanings in his messages and figuring out times when he might have been glancing at her too.

the chase was quite boring without much progress to show for it, and it was a hard pill to swallow that toji probably just wasn’t into her the way she wanted him to be.

she put her headphones and tuned out the world – and all thoughts of toji – attempting to bask in the sheer relief of having finished her exams, which had all gone relatively well. later that night, after pampering herself with an extra self-care routine in the shower, she called her friends for a celebratory gaming session. naturally, she aired out her frustrations about her gorgeous boy.

“i’m just worried the conversation is gonna completely fizzle out, ya know?” she ranted, rapidly clicking her mouse buttons. “it’s not like we’ll be on the bus together anymore.”

“oh my god, girl. i literally agree with your mom,” asa suddenly snapped, taking her aback in shock. “why don’t you just ask him on a date right now?”

“r-right now?” she sputtered. “i can’t do that.”

“why not? if he says no, then you’ll know if he doesn’t like you, and you can move on,” morgoth hummed, a rare voice of reason for once.

that was a whole lot easier said than done.

could she even do something so bold? she doubted she was courageous enough for something like that, and she was still clinging to her little girl dream of being asked out by a boy on her first date. her heart started to pound as it battled with her mind, her soul watching the back and forth she was having within herself.

suddenly, a thread snapped, and the raging waves stilled as if nothing had ever happened.

fuck it.

she left the game, earning cries of protest and anger from her friends, and whipped open her notes app on her phone. if she thought too much, she would chicken out and change her mind. after typing a dozen variations of how she was going to phrase the message, she finally settled on one and quickly copied and pasted it into their snapchat conversation.

hey toji, are you free by any chance to hang out tomorrow? x

and hit send.

oh…

she hit send.

she.

hit.

send.

“holy fucking shit,” she whispered incredulously, a sense of dread spreading from her head to her toes.

morgoth grunted, “what happened now?”

“i just asked toji out on a date tomorrow,” she replied, voice cracking with electric nerves.

her friends both sputtered and coughed at the same time. “fuck off, no you didn’t,” asa said, obviously shell-shocked with a hint of excitement. “tomorrow?!”

“what do you mean ‘fuck off’?! you told me to do it,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and rocking back and forth on her bed.

“hah! well, what did you say?”

“i just asked him if he wanted to hang out tomorrow, and i put an ‘x’ at end to kind of… i don’t know, flirt i guess?”

her friends both cackled, and heat rose to her chest and face.

toji fushiguro is typing…

she gasped, more so screamed, “guys, fuck! oh my god, oh my god! he’s typing.”

“that was quick,” commented morgoth under his breath.

toji fushiguro has sent you a chat!

another shrill gasp. “guys, he replied!”

“leave it!” asa giggled, his giddiness infectious and making her laughter bubble out of her chest. “don’t be a desperate bitch.”

“fuck you, he replied quick! I’m not gonna just sit here and wait.”

toji fushiguro: yeah should be free for a bit tomorrow, when were you thinking?

oh my.

oh my…

“what’s he saying, huh?” asa giggled again.

“something good, i guess. her breathing suddenly got quicker,” morgoth chuckled, his laughter reverberating through his microphone.

hmm not sure haha, whenever you’re free i guess, i’m free all day tomorrow

play it cool. play it cool, goddamn it.

toji fushiguro: yeah, what about some time in the afternoon sure?

yeah sweet, does 4 sound okay or is that too late?

toji fushiguro: yeah 4 should be sweet, sounds good

aight, where do you wanna go? i still don’t know the good places to go to lmao

toji fushiguro: tbh i have no idea, sure like let’s just see when we meet up what you’re feeling

“hehe, guys, he says it’s up to what i’m feeling.”

ahaha ok then, where do you wanna meet up then?

toji fushiguro: oh yeah shit, uh you know where like the big wheel kinda is at the seafront? we could meet up there if you want?

the ferris wheel ahaha?

toji fushiguro: yeah the big wheel ahahah, literally the most recognizable place i could think of in town

haha ok no worries, i’ll see you tomorrow then, i’ll text you when i get there :)

toji fushiguro: yeah see you tomorrow x

she wasn’t a physical being limited to the confines of her bedroom anymore. no, she was limitless and infinite, soaring with ravens among the indigo clouds of twilight, her heart leaping with every sudden dip of their wings. life was good, life was meaningful, and holy shit. toji fushiguro had agreed to go on her very first date ever with her.

“guys.”

“what?”

“he sent me an ‘x’, and we’re going on a date tomorrow.”

general taglist: @tadabzzzbee @wannapizzamymindposts @stromynight

school bus love taglist: @badbyeyoongi

p.s: fun fact, these are the actual text messages i sent to my boyfriend the day i asked him out :3

©storiesoflilies 2024, all rights reserved. please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my work on other sites! i only post on ao3 and tumblr.

[devilat-thedoor]

Hands to Yourself Pt5

🤍Oh Babes🤍

Only gonna preface this one by saying sorry & pls forgive me💖 P.S. HAPPY FUCKING STARCATCHER DAY🤍🤍🤍🤍

Part 4

Word Count: 11.4k

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Warnings: (TRIGGER WARNING! mentions of SA)18+ Minors DNI, a lot of angst and sadness in this part. some fluff, a lil smut. Unprotected Sex, Fighting(verbal & physical). i don’t know, there’s probably more that i’m missing.

And if I ever catch the ones who hurt you, I’m hoping that God looks away this time…

The overhead light illuminated the kitchen as someone flicked the switch. Sage looked up in horror, yanking her hands from Jake like a kid caught in the cookie jar. Jake was taking several steps from her, trying to speak to you. You stared blankly, Odessa’s voice was ringing in your ears as well, but you couldn’t pick up on any of the words. It felt like you were in a fever dream.

Blinking away the tears, your anger came back in full force. “I’ll fucking end you!” You picked up the wine bottle from the island and set your sights on Sage. Just as you reeled your arm back to throw the bottle, someone behind you snatched it from your hand. “You stupid fucking bitch.” You spat the words at her as you lunged across the kitchen towards her. Balling your hand up, you threw a jab, catching her cheek. She brought her hands up to shield her face from your attack. When you went to land another hit, your knuckles connected with her nose before a pair of arms wrapped around your shoulders, locking your arms at your side. You flailed and kicked, “Let go of me! LET GO!” You screamed at whoever was holding onto you. Josh.

His soft, even voice broke through the cloud of rage, “Y/N, calm down for a second…”

You wriggled out of his grip, turning to face him. “Don’t tell me to fucking calm down!” You shoved Josh’s chest and whipped your attention back around to Sage. She tried to tuck herself behind Sam to hide but when he saw your face, he stepped aside, giving you full access to her. “You’re a fucking snake!” You picked up the closest thing on the island, a glass, and chucked it at her. She ducked away just in time, the cup colliding with the wall and shattering.

She held her hands up, a pleading tone in her voice. “He wanted it! It wasn’t just me, Y/N!”

Your face twisted in disgust as you inched closer to her, “He wanted it?” Your eyes flashed to Jake, his eyes wide as he opened his mouth to speak. You didn’t give him the chance. “I don't know what kind of shit goes on in that convoluted mind of yours…” Your face was mere centimeters from hers as you spit your venom soaked words at her, “You fucking took advantage of him!” Your palm cracked across her face, the sound echoing through the room. Everyone stared in stunned silence as you grabbed her hair, dragging her through the kitchen and into the living room. “Get the fuck out of my house.” Shoving the back of her head, you released her hair. “Sage, I swear to god, if I ever see your face again… Stay away from me and stay the fuck away from Jake.”

She turned to look at you as she walked backwards towards the front hallway, blood dripping from her nose and the corner of her mouth. “It won’t be much longer before he realizes he doesn’t want you…” The threat left her mouth with an evil smirk as she slipped through the front door, closing it behind her.

When you turned back around, you were met with a slew of cautious faces. Nobody made a sound, afraid of what you might do. Your breath was leaving your lungs in angry huffs as you pushed past the crowded doorway and back into the kitchen. “Where is Jake?” You half yelled when he wasn’t in the spot he had previously been in.

Odessa’s hand landed on your shoulder. “Babe, hey. Take a breath for-” You cut her off, ripping your body from her touch.

“If one more of you tell me to fucking relax, I-” You paused, taking a deep breath, “Get the fuck out.” Your finger shot in the direction of the door as you shouted at the group. “All of you get out of my fucking house. Please.” None of them made a move, except for Josh. He came up, placing his hand on your back in what was meant to be a soothing manner, but it only fueled your anger more. You pulled away from him, slamming your fist into the refrigerator door. “FUCK!” You didn’t give anybody else the chance to say anything as you stormed out of the kitchen.

Heading for your bedroom in search of your boyfriend, you stopped when you noticed the bathroom door cracked, a glimmer of light seeping through the small opening. You stepped closer, hearing a quiet sob. Pushing through the door, you found Jake. He was in a heap on the floor in front of the toilet, his body shaking with ragged cries and unsteady breaths. You shut the door behind you and dropped to the floor beside him. “Jake, baby…” You tugged on his arm, pulling him up from the cold tiles. “Honey, look at me, please. Are you okay?” Using your hoodie sleeve, you wiped the vomit from the corner of his mouth.

His bloodshot eyes were full of sorrow, matching the rest of his tear-soaked face. “I’m so- I’m so sorry.” His words choked out through hiccups and cries. You felt your own tears begin to fall at the state he was in. “I didn’t-... You have to-” You cupped his face as he struggled to say what he wanted to, wiping away his tears as they flowed. “Y/N…” Your name ripped from his throat in the form of a sob. It was the most heart wrenching sound you’d ever heard.

“Jake, no…” You pulled him against you, holding him tight to your chest. He tucked his knees into his chest and curled into you, so vulnerable and childlike. You knew the alcohol in his system was amplifying his emotions, but you’d never seen him like this. The pain you felt multiplied with every whimper he made. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Jacob. Do you hear me?” You brushed your hands over his hair, wanting nothing more than to comfort and console him. This was your fault. You let her into your lives. Into your relationship. You fucked up and Jake had paid the price for it. When you heard his breathing start to even out, you spoke in the softest voice, “Baby, can I take you to bed, please?” His eyes were half shut as he looked up at you, giving a nod. You stood up, helping Jake to his feet with you. You kept a grip on his waist as you led him out of the bathroom, surprised to find that everyone had really left upon your request.

Pushing your bedroom door open, you shuffled Jake inside and sat him on the edge of the bed. “Can I take these off of you, Jake?” You gestured to his swim trunks. He mumbled an approval, lifting from the bed and allowing you to pull the swimsuit down his legs. “Just stand here for a second longer, baby.” You went to his dresser to grab a pair of boxers and returned, helping him put them on. “Get into bed, Jakey.” You peeled the duvet back and he slipped in, nestling against the pillows and closing his eyes. You pulled the blanket over him and turned to leave the room and clean up the mess in the kitchen.

Jake’s hand caught your wrist in a loose grasp. “Please don’t leave me.” His voice was so dejected. “I can’t lose you…” He trailed off, quiet snores leaving his mouth as it hung open.

You chewed on your trembling lip, as the tears began streaming down your face. He thinks you’re mad at him? You watched his face as he slept, silently crying to yourself. Crawling into bed behind him, you snuck one arm under his neck and draped the other around his torso, resting your palm flat on his chest. Right over his steadily beating heart. You pressed your lips to his back, letting them linger there for a bit. You knew he was in a deep slumber. Nothing was going to wake him until the morning, but you still whispered to him, “You’ll never lose me, Jake.”

________________________________________________

The morning came fast. Unsure of what time you had fallen asleep, you awoke with a slight pounding in your head. Your hand slid over the bed, reaching for your boyfriend out of habit, only to find you were alone. You sat up to check the time on your phone, but it wasn’t in its usual spot on your nightstand. Remembering that it never came to bed with you, the memories from the night before flooded your brain like a tsunami. Your feet were dragging you from the bed and out of the room before your brain could comprehend the movements. Where is he? Stepping into the hallway, you opened your mouth to call his name but closed it as your ears caught the soft notes of the acoustic strings floating through the air. You followed the sound to the spare bedroom where the door sat opened. Lingering in the doorway, you watched Jake, sat in the dark burgundy, tufted leather chair, picking out a somber melody on his guitar.

The floor creaked beneath you, alerting him of your presence. He looked up at you, “Hey…” His tone was low, as though he was scared. You noticed his eyes first, still red, still carrying that same sad look.. He pulled his lips in and looked down at his fingers, resting on the strings. You took a few steps forward, wanting nothing more than to hold him but when his face turned back to you, it halted you in your tracks. His expression was pained as a tear slid down his cheek, dripping from his chin and onto the guitar. “I thought she was you.” He kept his voice quiet, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. “I was too drunk… I swear I didn’t know. I would’ve never-”

“Jake,” You took the acoustic from his hand and laid it on the floor as you knelt in front of him. “That’s the point. You were drunk. Baby, I am not mad at you… You did nothing wrong.” You held his hands in yours as you spoke. “Do you understand me?”

He dropped his gaze to the floor. “I can’t stop picturing your face when you came into the kitchen. The hurt… Betrayal.” He took a shaky breath, “It made me sick… The thought that I caused it.”

Grabbing his face, you forced his attention back to you. “Baby, look at me. I need you to really hear what I’m about to say.” You waited for his eyes to connect with yours and spoke in a calming voice, “You did not cause me any hurt, Jake. She took advantage of you.” You couldn’t bring yourself to say her name, but you continued, “You were drunk and she used that to her convenience. What she did was assault. Do you understand that?”

Jake leaned into your touch, his eyes falling shut for a moment. “I should’ve known better. I did know better.” His tone was becoming slightly frantic. “It didn’t feel right. I knew something was wrong. If I would’ve just trusted my gut, this wouldn’t have happened.” He pulled away, flopping back into the chair with a huff.

“Jacob enough!” Your outburst startled him and you quickly regained your composure, bringing your voice back down, “Stop blaming yourself. You’re the victim here, Jake..” Grabbing his hand again, you hauled him out of the chair and wrapped your arms around him. “This is my fault. I led her straight into our lives. I let her manipulate me and feed me her bullshit lies. I gave her exactly what she wanted and you wound up being collateral damage. I’m so sorry, baby. I will spend the rest of my life proving to you how sorry I am.”

He let his arms circle your back, holding you to him as he placed a kiss to the top of your head. “There was know way to tell what kind of person she was gonna turn out to be…” You chewed on your lip as he spoke into your hair, “It’s over now. She’s out of our lives and you made sure of that last night from what Josh told me.”

You looked up at him then, your brows knitted together. “You talked to Josh? When?”

“This morning. I went to get a drink of water and saw the shattered glass on the kitchen floor.” His hand rubbed mindlessly up and down your back, “I started to remember a little of everything… Called Josh to fill in the blanks while I cleaned up the glass. He said that you dragged her out of the house by her hair after I went to the bathroom.”

Thinking back on the scene, you remembered her parting words, ‘It won’t be much longer…’ An unsettling feeling arose in your chest as you pictured the sinister smile on her face. You laid your head on his chest, allowing the sound of his heart to soothe your anxiety “I don’t think she’ll let go that easily, Jake…”

______________________________________________________

It had been a couple weeks since the day of the cookout. Things were starting to feel normal again. The remaining days of your week off were spent mostly alone, in the house, with Jake. Josh popped in once or twice to check on his twin, but neither you or Jake had the energy or patience to be social. When you went back to work, the days seemed shorter. Business was great, but you weren’t as short staffed as you had been and it was a huge relief. It was about 10:30 on a Wednesday morning in mid July and you were on your way to the garage to get the truck and start your work day. As you pulled your car into its spot in the alleyway, your phone pinged with a notification. You shut the engine off and grabbed the phone from the cupholder, seeing the little pink camera icon.

Instagram: New Message Request

Unhooking your seatbelt, you clicked on the notification and waited for it to load. You began gathering your things to get out of the car as the thumbnail for a video appeared on the screen. You looked at the username at the top of the page, not recognizing it, and stepped out, closing the driver side door and hitting the button to lock the car. Tapping on the thumbnail you stood and watched. The video had no sound and it was dark, you couldn’t make out anything aside from shadows. Assuming it was some kind of joke, you made a move to click out of it but something stopped you as your finger went to slide out of the app. There was a flash of something that caught your eye. A face. Your face. You pulled the phone closer to your eyes to watch, searching for a hint of what this was. The pixelation proved that the video was taken from afar and zoomed in to capture the moment. You were asleep, laying on someone. The camera panned over the person beneath you. Jake? The blurry lens played a cruel trick as the camera drifted upwards to show the mess of matted curls. Josh. “What the hell?” You whispered to yourself as whoever was operating the video zoomed out, revealing that they were on the outside of a window looking in at you and Josh. From the new point of view, you could see your limp body draped over Josh’s, your head on his bare chest and a blanket pulled over the two of you. A mirror image of how you and Jake had slept on the couch together just a few weeks ago. Then it was over, the 40 second video restarting and playing on a loop. When you closed the video to reveal the message thread, there was a text. ‘One isn’t enough… You had to have all three? What will Jake say?’ Your thoughts were swimming, trying to process what this was. One isn’t enough? Why did that sound familiar? A chill creeped through your body. You knew this had to be the same person who sent Jake that picture of you and Sam. You were terrified at the thought that there was somebody out there, watching you from a distance. But what scared you even more is that you had no recollection of the night this video had been taken. You didn’t have an innocent story to explain this one to Jake. What will he say?

Closing Instagram, you opened your phone up to find Ally’s contact info. There was no way you would be able to focus on the truck today with this happening. She picked up on the third ring, “Hello? Y/N?”

“Ally, I know it’s your day off, but is there any way you can run the truck today?” She was the only person you trusted enough to handle your business when you were sick or, in this case, had an emergency. “I’ll give you Friday off, I just- Something personal came up that needs my attention.”

You could hear her yawn on her end, “Yeah, that’s no problem. Can you give me like 20 minutes to throw some clothes on and I’ll meet you at the garage?”

“Okay, yeah. Great. Thank you so much, Ally. I’ll see you soon.” You hung up the phone, breathing out a sigh of relief. Small problem handled… You stared down at the phone in your hand, contemplating whether to bite the bullet and call Jake or wait until you got home to talk about it in person. Before you could make a decision, your ringtone sounded, causing you to jump. There was his name, as if just thinking about him had manifested him. You stared at it, anxiety coursing through your body, wondering if he had gotten the same message. If he was calling to tear into you about the video. Your hands shook as you pressed the green button and brought the phone to your ear. “Hello?” Your voice came out almost too quietly and you cleared your throat, repeating the greeting, “Hello? Jake?”

“Hey, love.” His tone was light and sweet, catching you off guard. “I’m sorry I overslept this morning. I didn’t get the chance to kiss you goodbye.” When you didn’t say anything, he continued the one sided conversation. “Uhhh. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for having a fresh pot of coffee ready for me and see if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight?” You were picking at the skin on your lip, too lost in your own head to hear what he was saying. His voice came through louder, “Y/N, Are you there?”

You blinked, giving your head a slight shake to clear it, “Yeah, I’m here. I’m sorry, baby. What were you saying?”

“Uh. I- I was asking if you wanted to go out for dinner tonight…Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. Umm…Actually, I’m gonna be back home in like, a half hour.” Your mouth felt dry as you spoke, “I’m just waiting on Ally to get here.”

You could hear the concern in Jake’s voice, “Are you sick? What’s wrong?”

The situation was starting to make you feel sick. “N-No. I got a- We just need to talk, that’s all.”

“Talk about what, Y/N?”

Ally was pulling in then, putting her car in park beside yours. “Jake, Ally just got here, I’ll see you at home. I love you.” He didn’t get the chance to respond before you hung up the phone. Shoving the device into your back pocket, you greeted Ally, “I’m so sorry for this being last minute, but I appreciate you more than you know.” You fumbled with your keys, struggling to remove the ring that held the keys for the garage and the truck.

She waved you off, “Girl, It’s no problem at all. Is everything okay?”

Finally pulling the loop free, you placed the keys in her palm with a heavy sigh. “I’m not entirely sure, honestly.” You gave a tight smile, “If there are any issues today, just give me a call. I’ll have my phone on me. Just make it an early day and I’ll meet you back here at four to get the keys and lock up, okay?” She gave a nod of understanding. “Thank you so much for this, Ally, really.” You gave a final wave as you got back into your car and pulled out of the space.

______________________________________________________

Entering the house felt odd. It was eerily quiet. You left your keys on the hook and slipped your shoes off to walk into the living room. Jake was sitting on the edge of the couch, chewing on his fingernails while his legs bounced rapidly. He was on edge. His demeanor, a stark contrast to the sweetness he’d had on the phone with you. Maybe he was just as anxious as you were? But you weren’t sure how his mood would shift once he learned about the message you got. You approached him slowly. “Jake…”

His head shot up, but his body moved faster. He was standing in front of you in a flash, holding your shoulders. “What’s going on? Did something happen to you? Was it her? Did Sa-”

You threw your hands up with a cringe, stopping him from saying her name. “Can we sit down, please. I need to show you something.”

“Yeah, okay.” He pulled you to the couch, allowing you to take a seat before he followed suit. “What is it?”

Studying him for a moment as his foot tapped on the floor, you wondered what had happened between the time you’d gotten off the phone with him to now. You could tell he was growing impatient with your hesitation. “That message that you got a few weeks ago… from the random Instagram account…” Opening up the thread on your phone, you handed it to him, “I got one this morning.” You didn’t elaborate any further, just let him watch for himself.

He clicked the play button and you watched his expressions morph as the video progressed. Confusion. Apprehension. Realization. He watched the loop play over and over for what felt like an eternity. When he finally pushed it out of the way, he saw the message that came with it. “What the fuck is this, Y/N?”

His tone had you nervous as you stammered for something to say. “I don’t know. It’s just- I-“

“You don’t know? Why were you with my brother like that, Y/N?” The growing volume of his voice made you flinch. “Did you sleep with him?”

Your eyes blew wide. How could he think that? “Jacob…” You felt like you were going to pass out.

When you didn’t answer his question, he asked it again. “Did you fuck Josh?!”

“NO JAKE!” You raised your voice right back at him but he wasn’t phased. “Why would you even ask me that?” He trusted you. Didn’t he? “Jake, I didn’t sleep with your brother! With either of them, for fucks sake.”

“Then tell me what’s going on here,” He shoved the phone back into your hands, “Because this is painting a pretty fucking specific picture.”

Unshed tears burned in the corners of your eyes, “I don’t know, Jake. I don’t remember this. I-“

He cut you off, standing up to pace the living room. “You don’t remember? So you don’t even know if you slept with him or not?” You’d never seen him blow up like this. Not at you. He never directed his anger at you, never yelled at you, even when you deserved it.

You felt so small, intimidated by his booming voice and accusations. But still, you stood your ground “I would never, Jake. You know that. You know me!” Your tears were flowing freely now as you stood to meet him. “I would never even dream of cheating on you, I told you that! I don’t want anybody but you!”

The look on his face was one you could’ve gone your whole life without seeing ever again. The same look he had when he was in pieces on the bathroom floor that night. The anger had dissipated from his tone, carrying a heavy sadness now. His next words cut you like a blade. “You don’t want anybody else, but you wanted her… You fucked her. Brought her into our bed…” It was a low blow and he knew it, but he still put the cherry on top, “I’m not enough for you, am I?”

He was already backing away from you, towards the door. “Baby, please…” You were crying hard, chasing after him. “Jake, don’t leave. Please.” You couldn’t get a response out of him, he wouldn’t even look at you as he put his shoes on and pulled the door open. “I love you…” The last three words hung in the air as he slammed the heavy door shut in your face, leaving you to clean up the mess you’d made of your relationship. Why is this happening…

You sunk to the floor, staring at the door. The wall he put up between the two of you. A barrier to protect himself from you. From the hurt that you keep causing him. You buried your head in your hands, sobbing in the cold silence of your home. He just left. He wouldn’t hear you out. You couldn’t blame him, though. This was so much worse than the photo he’d received of you and his little brother. At least you could explain that one. But this? You went back to the couch to get your phone. You sat, watching the video loop play, trying to find any kind of context that may be there. Nothing. You called Jake, ready to beg him to just come back home. Come back to you. He wouldn’t answer, but you kept trying. Call after call, text after text. After an hour, you gave up and called Josh, maybe he would have some kind of insight on the video. No answer. So you texted him.

You 12:42pm: need to talk to you. something happened, Jake left and he won’t answer my calls

His response came almost immediately.

Joshy 12:44pm: He’s here

You 12:45pm: at your house? i’m coming now.

You rushed to put your shoes on and head out the door when another text came through.

Joshy 12:47pm: don’t come. he needs to cool down.

You hit the phone icon at the top of the screen, calling Josh’s number again only to be met with the voicemail. He stopped returning your texts. There was nothing you could do. If you went to Josh’s, you ran the risk of pushing Jake further away from you. The thought was terrifying. You trudged mindlessly through the house, doing little tasks to keep your mind busy, until there was nothing left. So you sat, planted on the couch, staring into space while time ticked by. Only snapping out of your trance when your phone pinged on the cushion beside you. A text from Ally, letting you know she was on her way back to the garage. Almost 4 hours had gone by since Jake walked out the door. You hauled yourself off of the couch to go meet Ally. The only motivation being that he might be here by the time you got back…

________________________________________________

7:56pm. He’s not coming home.

You called him when you’d gotten back from the garage. No answer. Called again before your shower at 6pm. Nothing. You sat on the edge of your bed, on Jake’s side, and clicked his contact. Just one more try. You listened as it rang, willing him to answer. To just hear his voice, to know that he’s okay, that he’s safe, that was all you needed. But the voicemail was all there was.

You grabbed Jake’s pillow, hugging it to you as you slid down to the carpeted floor. Pressing your face to the soft fabric, you breathed in, inhaling the lingering scent of him. Hot tears spilled over your lashes and onto the pillow. You were beginning to lose hope that he’d come back to you. Maybe this was a fuck up you couldn’t make up for. Laying on the floor, curled into the fetal position, you cried into the pillow. Your chest was on fire with your ragged breathing, eyes swollen and bloodshot. You let everything out until there was nothing left. Until your body gave in to the dismal exhaustion and you eventually passed out.

“Y/N…” His voice echoed in your head. You could feel his touch, his hand so gentle on your back, in your dream. “Baby, wake up.” The words were so clear, so warm, as if he was here. Like he never left. Your body shook, startling you. Your eyes snapped open to see Jake, kneeling in front of you. It’s not a dream… He’s here. He came home. “Why are you on the floor, love?”

You sat up, throwing your body into his, hugging him, holding him. You needed to be sure this was real, not some sick joke your mind was playing on you. “You came back.” You whispered the words into his shirt, clinging to him as though he’d float away if you let go. And you still weren’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t. “I didn’t think you’d come home… back to me.”

He pressed his lips together, brushing his thumb over your cheek. “Come sit with me, we need to talk.” He stood up, taking your hand in his and led you out into the living room. You didn’t open your mouth to speak, afraid that you might upset him again. He sat you on the couch and retreated to the kitchen. Your nerves were causing your hands to shake and you rubbed them up and down your legs to make it stop. “Here, my love.” Jake’s return startled you, but what caught you even more off guard was his soft tone. The use of your pet name. A complete 180 from the last time he’d spoken to you, just hours ago.

You blinked up at him as he held a glass of wine out to you. You were cautious as you took the glass from his hand, unsure of what was about to unfold. You dropped your eyes to floor, “Jake, I-”

He cut you off, sitting down beside you, “No. Me first.” He took a long drink from his glass. “I acted like an ass this morning. I’m sorry, Y/N, you didn’t deserve that.” You chewed the inside of your cheek, listening to him. “I got freaked out when you said that you were coming home and we needed to talk. I didn’t know what to expect. While I waited for you to get here, I got a weird message and then you came in and showed me that video and I didn’t know what to think.”

You looked at him then, placing your glass on the coffee table. “Jake, I can’t offer an explanation for that video. I may not remember it, but I know in my heart that I did not cheat on you. I didn’t sleep with Josh.” You took a deep, shaky breath, “I know how bad it looks…But If you don’t have trust for me then-“

“No, I do trust you.” He grabbed your hand, pulling you towards him. “And I know you didn’t sleep with him, he told me.” You allowed yourself to lean into his side and hear him out, “I went straight to his place when I left, told him about the video. I described it to him without having the actual thing to show him and he knew exactly what I was talking about.”

“He knew about the video?”

“Not the video, just the night in question.” He rubbed his thumb over your palm as he continued, “It was earlier this year. When you thought the house was haunted.” He said it with a chuckle. You thought back, remembering little details about that night.

Late March. The winter chill was finally gone, letting the light warmth of spring blanket the atmosphere. Jake left early in the morning with Sam. They had flown home for a few days to do an appearance at one of the local radio stations in their hometown. You were used to being home and sleeping alone, as much as Jake was on tour, so the two nights by yourself were nothing. You crawled into bed that night, calling your boyfriend to tell him goodnight, before laying your head on the pillow and passing out. Something had woken you, but you weren’t sure what it was. You leaned over to check the time on your phone. It was after 12am. You decided to get up to use the bathroom before you tried to go back to sleep. On your way back to bed, you passed the spare bedroom, Jake’s study. You stopped when you heard what sounded like papers being shuffled around. Peeking through the crack in the door, you couldn’t make anything out in the darkness. As you gripped the knob to push the door open further, you were startled by the sound of shattering glass, causing you to run back to your room, slamming the door shut and locking it. You picked your phone up and called Jake and tucked yourself in the far corner of the bed, furthest from the door.

“Baby…?” His voice was groggy and sleep ridden. You’d woken him up.

“Jake? Something is happening in the house.”

He was more alert after hearing your frantic tone. “What do you mean? Are you okay?”

“I think our house is haunted, Jake. There’s a ghost!” You stared at the door, realizing how ridiculous you sounded.

You heard him groan through the phone, “Y/N… You woke me up in the middle of the night because you think there’s a ghost in the house?” He paused, waiting for you to respond, but you stayed quiet. “Okay, my love… Why- What happened…” He patiently listened to you tell him what you’d heard. “Do you hear anything else?”

You chewed on your lip for a moment, quietly listening for any sound. “No…” You stood up from the bed and tiptoed to the door, “I’m gonna go look.”

Now Jake’s tone was frantic, “Be careful! Someone could’ve broken in.”

You stopped in your tracks, “Don’t say that, Jake! I’m here by myself!” Your hands were shaking. “I didn’t even think of that… What if there’s someone out there?!”

“Baby, just stay in the room, I’m gonna call Josh to come check on everything.”

“Okay…”

You stood in the middle of the room, waiting for him to call you back. A text came instead. ‘On the phone with Josh. he’s on his way.’

Fourteen minutes had gone by. You were chewing on your fingernails when you heard footsteps coming down the hallway.

“Y/N? It’s me.” You pulled the door open to find Josh. “I don’t think there’s anybody here…” He was rubbing his eyes, clearly sleepy, and still on the phone with his twin.

“Did you check the spare bedroom?”

He turned in the direction of the room and started down the hallway. You followed and watched as he pushed the door open and flicked the light on, revealing one of the crystal whiskey glasses, in pieces, on the floor in front of the liquor cabinet that sat below a window. Josh bent down to pick up the chunks of glass, examining them. “It must’ve just been sitting too close to the edge.” He gave a shrug, tossing the pieces into the small trash can by the chair. “There’s nobody here, Y/N. And no ghosts either…” He ushered you out of the room and walked you back to your own bedroom, speaking into the phone. “Yeah, man. There’s nobody here, the doors are locked.”

You looked up at Josh, “I don’t wanna stay here… Not by myself.”

He rubbed his hand over his face, listening to his brother talk on the other end. “Yeah… I can… Okay… See you tomorrow.” You stared at him as he hung up the phone, a questioning look on your face. “Jake wants me to take you back to my place. He’s gonna catch the first flight back in the morning. You nodded in compliance, happy to get out of your creepy home. When you got back to Josh’s, he’d made you a bed on the couch and you fell asleep almost instantly and Jake was there by the time you woke up in the morning.”

“But I slept on the couch by myself, Josh was in his bed all night…” You looked up at Jake then, “You were there in the morning, you know-.”

He held his hand to stop you, “I know, love.” He kissed the top of your head before divulging the story that Josh had told him. “He said he woke up to you in a fit, having some kind of nightmare? I don’t know… But he tried to wake you up and you just clung to him, whispering my name. You thought he was me. So he let you believe it and just stayed with you until you calmed down and fell back asleep. Once he knew you were out, he got up and went back to his room.”

Your face twisted in confusion, “No… It wasn’t a nightmare.” You shook your head, the pieces falling back together. “No, I remember waking up on his couch. I don’t know what woke me up, but I just remember feeling like I was being watched. I don’t know… I- I don’t remember Josh coming out of his room.” You sat up, turning to face your boyfriend. “Jake, somebody was watching me. Someone has been watching me.” You dropped your head into your hands, scratching your nails over your prickling scalp. “You said you got a message…” Recalling his statement from earlier in the conversation, you picked your head up to look at him. “What was it?”

He set his own glass down, fishing his phone out of his pocket. “It came from some text app number, I can only assume it’s the same person sending the Instagram messages.” He held the device out to you. “I wasn’t sure what it meant. But since you got that video, I guess…” He trailed off, as you took the phone.

You looked at his face before turning your attention to the screen. The green text bubble was taunting you as you scanned the message. ‘Don’t let her act innocent. She’s keeping secrets from you.’ You huffed an exasperated sigh, “Secrets? What secrets?”

“Baby…” Jake’s tone was cautious, as though he was afraid to say what he was thinking. “Do you think this is Sage?”

You sat back against the couch, pondering the idea. Why hadn’t you thought of that? “No.” You shook your head, staring at the floor, “We just met her like a month and a half ago, Jake… I wouldn’t put this past her at this point, but it just doesn’t make sense.” Picking your glass up, you downed the whole thing, letting it wash away as much of your anxiety as it could. “That video is from March. How have I not noticed somebody fucking stalking me?” Your breathing started to pick up and Jake could sense the impending panic attack.

He moved to kneel on the floor in front of you, taking your face in his hands. “Look at me.” He kept his voice soft and calm, “We’ll figure this all out, my love. I promise you.” You leaned into his touch, the feeling that you’d been craving since he left you in the front hallway this morning. “I don’t care what kind of pictures or videos or fucking texts we get… My trust in you will not falter. Not again.” You allowed him to pull your lips to his, kissing you gently. You melted into him, sliding off the couch and into his lap. He held you so carefully, like you were made of gold. When he broke away from your lips, he brushed his nose against yours, “I love you more than anything in this life and the next.” He pressed his lips to your forehead and you closed your eyes, holding onto the feeling of him. As though you may never have this again. “You wanna take a hot bath?” You nodded but didn’t make a move to get up. “Go run the water, I’m gonna refill our glasses.” You pecked his lips one last time before following his instruction.

You stood in the guest bathroom, waiting for the tub to fill up. Jake came in with the two glasses, half full, and the bottle tucked under his arm. He set the bottle and both glasses on the floor beside the bathtub. “Come here, pretty girl.” You let him take the bottom hem of your shirt and pull it over your head before sliding your shorts and panties down your legs. “Get in.” He held your hand for balance as you stepped into the steaming water. He waited for you to sit down, removing his own clothes, and climbed in behind you. You settled between his legs, laying back against his chest.

You let the hot water melt away the stress and anxiety from the day. You knew that whatever was happening wasn’t over, but right now, all you wanted was to relax and be with Jake. Your sweet, warm, beautiful boy. “Can I have my wine, please?” He gently pushed you forward so he could lean out of the tub to retrieve the glasses. “Thank you, baby.”

He wrapped his arm around your stomach to pull you back against him. “You’re welcome, love.” He kissed your hair as his hand stayed planted on your abdomen.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a while until the water started to lose some of its warmth. “Jake?” You said his name so quietly, you almost thought he didn’t hear you.

“Yes, my love?” He spoke into your neck, nuzzling his nose against you.

“If you ever leave me like that again…” You paused, fighting back the tears that threatened to fill your eyes. “It’s gonna have to be for good, Jake…” You took a shuddering breath, prompting him to lift his face from your neck, his body tense. “The look you gave me. Like you were disgusted with me.” You cringed thinking back on it, “ The feeling in my chest when you walked out that door… I don’t ever want to feel that again.” Your lip trembled as the first tear slid down your cheek.

Jake shifted behind you, “Y/N, I never had any intention of leaving you…” He turned your body so you were facing him in the water. “I know I said things that I can’t take back, baby. I know that.” He cupped your face, wiping your tears away, “I needed to step away from the situation and calm down. Sure, there was a better way to handle it, but I-.” He paused, his panic evident in the way his breathing picked up. “You have to know that I would never leave you, Y/N. There is nobody else for me.” His eyes searched yours, looking for any sign that you believed him. “Baby, please tell me you know that.”

His pleading eyes softened you and you pulled him into an embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I know, Jake. I just- We’ve never had trouble communicating before, you can’t just walk out on me like that.” He pulled you onto his lap, holding you tightly as he nodded in understanding. “I just want things to go back to how they were before I met her…” You dropped your head as you whispered, a shiver coursing through your body.

“They will, my love. I’ll make sure of it.” He kissed your cheek, “Let’s get you out of here and into something warm.” You stood up and let him wrap a towel around you before leading you down the hall to your bedroom. You dried your body off and let your hair out of its bun. Jake dug through his dresser to find clothes. “Do you want shorts, or just a t-.” When he turned to face you, you were already in bed, tucked beneath the duvet. “Did you even put underwear on?”

You gave him an innocent smile as you shook your head. “Come to bed, Jakey.” He flicked the overhead light off and turned the lamp on his nightstand on. You watched as he pulled the towel from his body and climbed into bed with you. “I just wanna be close to you.” You rolled into him, resting your head on his chest and tangling your legs with his. After a few quiet moments, you felt Jake shift, his erection leaving a prominent tent in the comforter. You let out a quiet giggle and moved your leg, letting your knee nudge his cock. “We can’t just cuddle without interruption?” You raised your eyebrow as you looked at him.

He pushed your body off his, moving to lay on top of you. “Your beautiful naked body is draped over me. What do you expect, love?” You could feel him pressing into your hip and you moved your legs apart, letting him settle between them. Jake placed a warm kiss on your collarbone and you grasped his shoulders..

“Jake…” You waited for him to lift his head to meet your eyes. “Go slow, lover. Let’s just be in the moment together, please.” You pushed his hair behind his ear to get a better view of his face. “It’s been awhile since we really took our time with one another, baby.”

“Anything you want, my sweet girl.” He captured your lips in a kiss full of passion. Your hands circled his neck, fingers weaving into the hair at the nape. His right hand stayed planted on the mattress, holding his weight above you while his left traveled down your body, exploring the terrain. He pulled away from the kiss, “I don’t think there’s ever been a more perfect body than this.” You had your days of doubt and insecurity about your body, but the way Jake worshiped every inch of you, every imperfection, it made all the bad thoughts leave your mind on a one way train. “These soft, plump lips when you pout at me.” He caught your bottom lip between his fingers before giving you a quick peck. “This scar on your shoulder,” He pointed at the small, fading mark, “from when you insisted on riding that mechanical bull…” Another peck to the scar. “Don’t get me started on these…” He moved to your breasts, placing a peck to the swell of one before dragging his tongue over your nipple. You hummed as you watched him work his way down, listing off the things he adored about you. “Your skin is softest here,” The back of his fingers grazed over your tummy, right below your naval. “I could use this spot as a pillow for the rest of my days and every sleep would be fulfilling.” A kiss to your belly. “These legs…” He pulled your leg up, running his fingers down the length of it, “They could make a train stop on a dime.” A trail of kisses down your thigh until he settled between, inches from your core. He reached for your hand and you let your fingers intertwine with his. “Your hands might be my favorite. Only second to your heart.” His lips brushed your fingertips for a moment. “When I come home from a tour, or even just after a bad day, the second your hands wrap around me…” His eyes met yours, “You put them right here,” He pointed to his chest, “Right over my heart. And I can feel every ounce of stress melt away from me. Only your hands have the power to do that, Y/N.” He held your stare for a few more seconds before dropping his eyes to your center. “And this…” He paused, running his finger through your arousal. “God, she gets so wet for me.” His finger passed over your clit so lightly.

“Hmm. Only for you, baby.” Your back arched off of the bed. His hand was still locked with yours and you squeezed it just as his tongue lapped at your pussy. He stuck to your request to go slow, drawing tiny circles over your clit with the tip of his tongue. You rested your head against the pillows, relishing in the feeling. His free hand dipped low, sinking one finger into you and you let out a gasp. Jake looked up at you through his dark lashes, watching as you began to squirm. The sight before him had his dick throbbing. He wanted nothing more than to devour you until you were a dripping mess beneath him, but he also wanted to take his time, savor the moment with you. Because you were right, it had been awhile. And now he was realizing how many of the little details about you he was missing. The way you fought to keep your face relaxed, rolling your head from side to side. He curled his finger, waiting for the inevitable whimper to leave your mouth. There it was. The sound came in the form of his name, drawn out into a pitched whine. He couldn’t help himself from grinding into the mattress. You looked down at him and found his eyes already on your own. Sitting up slightly, you pulled his hand, prompting him to stop and crawl up your body. He laid his chest over yours as you pulled his lips to yours, tasting yourself on them. The kiss was soft. Instead of fighting for dominance, your tongues worked in tune with each other, flowing together in a seamless rhythm. You drew your legs apart, making space for Jake to fit between them and he backed out of the kiss, searching your face. He gave you a look, silently asking for permission and you nodded. “I want it, Jake. Please.” He reconnected your lips, using it as a distraction while he reached between your bodies to grab himself, guiding his cock to your entrance. When he began pushing into you, your mouth dropped open, taking in a deep breath. You stared at the ceiling, feeling him stretch you slowly and he took the opportunity to leave wet kisses over your jaw and down your throat. Once he finally bottomed out, you both sighed in unison. He slid out a bit before he started rolling his hips. There was no rush in the way he moved and you could feel every part of him. Every fine detail of his cock as it filled you over and over. “Oh Jake…” Your moans were quiet, made up of breathy whines and sighs.

“How does it feel, love?” His nose brushed against your cheek and you wrapped your legs around him, giving him the angle to push deeper. “Hmm. I love the way you fit around me. Can’t ever get enough of you, Y/N.” He let his forehead rest on yours, his breath fanning over your face. Your hands went to his back, holding him as though he may float away. Jake found a steady rhythm with his thrusts, each stroke grazing over the most delicious spot inside of you.

Your eyes rolled as your legs tightened around him. “So good, baby. Feels so good when you love me like this.” The tension was building in your stomach, growing with every movement he made. He could feel you clenching him. The way your pussy gripped him, luring him closer to his climax. “We’re almost there, Jakey. I can feel it.” Your nails dug into his shoulders as the threads of your orgasm started to burst. “I love you…” His eyes caught yours as you said it. Those three words uttered from your mouth was it for him. His mouth landed on yours, hungrily eating up your moans as his hips began to falter. A groan roared from deep in his chest and you could feel the vibration of it against your body. The final seam ripped and your orgasm came crashing down around you, flooding your brain and dulling all of your senses. The only thought left in your mind was Jake. You grasped at his skin, drawing him as close as you could get him, but it still wasn’t enough. It would never be close enough.

He buried his face into your neck, hips staggering as he spilled into you, filling you with his warm release. “F-fuck, baby…I fucking love you.” The words were muffled against your skin, but you heard him loud and clear. His body went limp atop of yours, forcing all of his weight onto you. Your hands caressed his back, aiding him in his descent.

When his chest had finally stopped heaving, he made a move to pull out of you, but you kept your legs around him. “Not yet, baby. Just stay for a little longer.” He halted, propping himself on his elbows to look down at you, his gaze full of adoration and the purest of love. You reached up to push the hair from his sweat drenched face and cupped his cheeks. “My beautiful boy.” He turned his head to kiss your palm and you could’ve sworn you felt your heart grow bigger. “My Jake.” You whispered just as his lips brushed yours.

You laid there for a while. Just existing together was enough for you and him both. At some point Jake had finally pulled out of you, but he didn’t move. He stayed sprawled over you, completely spent, his body blanketing yours until he started to doze. You dragged your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp and lulling him to sleep. When you heard his soft snores echoing throughout the room, you kissed the top of his head, and allowed sleep to consume you as well.

_______________________________________________________

You awoke the next morning, still bathed in Jake’s warmth as his limbs tangled with yours. Rubbing your hands over your eyes, you unraveled yourself from your boyfriend to stretch your muscles. Your back arched as your hands reached above your head, smoothing out the tension from your night’s rest. A satisfied hum vibrated from your mouth as you turned on your side to look at Jake. He looked so serene. His face relaxed, lips parted as his breath escaped. You brought your finger to his nose, unable to resist, and traced along the bridge. Starting between his eyebrows, your fingers glided down to the very tip. His tongue shot out to lick his dry lips as his brow furrowed. Suppressing the giggle that threatened to rise from your throat, you did it again, watching him stir. “Jakey, baby…” Your tone was light and sweet, “Wake up, Jake.” You poked his cheek.

He grabbed your hand with a groan, pulling it away from his face without opening his eyes. “What do you need, love?” His raspy morning voice always sent butterflies askew in your stomach.

You sat up and tossed your leg over him, straddling his waist. “Let’s go get breakfast.” He peeled his eyes open, allowing them to adjust to the sunlight streaming through the curtains, and placed his hands on your thighs. “I wanna go to that coffee shop that we met at. The one in the city.”

A smile graced his features, “We haven’t been there in so long.” Jake let his fingers interlock with yours as he stared up at you above him, admiring how beautiful you looked in the mornings. Wild, knotted hair and bright eyes, your skin glowing in the warm sunlight. His eyes traveled down your naked body to where you sat on him, the duvet pooling at your hips, “You better get up now or we won’t be going anywhere today, my love.” He shifted beneath you and you could feel his morning erection press into your ass cheek.

Looking down at him, a smirk tugging at your lip, you scooted backwards. “Maybe we can spare a little time.” You leaned forward to adjust your position before settling back down, his cock nestled between your folds. You began rolling your hips, gliding your wetness over his length. “What do you think, lover?” Your pace quickened for a few seconds, only to slow down again.

“Oh shit.” Jake’s hand went to your hips, trying to make you move faster. “Baby, don’t torture me.” His eyes were pleading for you to let him in.

You just flashed him your smile and pulled his hands from your body, pinning them above his head. “It’s not torture, Jacob.” Your breasts were hovering in his face as you leaned over him. “Don’t touch. Just enjoy the ride, baby.” He lifted his head to press his lips to your hardened nipple and you sat back up, resuming your position on top of him. “Can you do that for me? Keep your hands to yourself and I’ll make it so easy for you.” You resumed your grinding before he could answer. Jake relaxed, letting you take care of him, trusting your words to make it easy. He kept his hands in place, grasping at the pillows as you sped up. Your clit brushed over his tip and you both shivered from the contact. He was so hard, the thick vein protruding from the bottom of his cock adding the sweetest bit of pressure.

His hips jutted, sending a shockwave through your body. It flipped a switch and you planted your hands on his chest, slipping against him at a mind blowing pace. Jake fought with himself, struggling to keep his hands off of you, “Jesus, Y/N.” He was a panting mess, his legs kicking against the mattress behind you. “Please don’t stop…” His words sounded strangled, squeezing through his tight throat. You set your sights on the approaching climax, working hard to make sure you and Jake came together. Just as that familiar burn began to spread in your tummy, you heard a voice echo through your home, calling out to Jake. Your eyes went wide as you started to slow your movements. “Don’t you fucking stop, don’t you dare.” The urgency in his tone matched with the pleading look on his face drove you mad. The same voice called his name again but you tuned it out as you sped up. Your pooling arousal allowed you to slide effortlessly over his length and the bed rocked under your bodies from the rapid movements. Throwing your head back, you placed your hands on his thighs behind you, winding your hips in a circle and Jake was done for. He shuddered beneath you, grunting out a slew of curses as ropes of cum shot out to paint his abdomen. “That’s it, baby. S-So good.” His eyes were screwed shut as he murmured the praise. If you weren’t completely overcome by your own orgasm, you would’ve heard the knocking on your bedroom door. Your legs clamped around him as convulsions ripped through you.

You dropped your hands to either side of Jake’s head, breathing heavily, when the knocks sounded again. “Are you guys fucking done in there?” Josh yelled through the door, a hint of laughter in his tone. You covered your mouth to hide a giggle and rolled off of your boyfriend. Jake grumbled as he got up, using his towel from the night before to wipe himself off, and pulled a pair of boxers on. You yanked the comforter over yourself to hide your naked body just as he pulled the door open, revealing Josh with his shit-eating grin. “I must say, I’m glad to see you’ve made up. Splendid!”

Jake rolled his eyes at his twin, “Why are you here, Josh?”

Josh feigned a look of hurt. “Well, if you’d answer your damn phone.” He lifted his hand, holding a notebook in front of Jake’s face and waved it. “I had some ideas this morning. Lyrics, possible concepts. Wanted you to take a look.” He shoved the book into his brother’s chest, prompting him to grab it.

He forced the book back at Josh, “I can’t right now. We have breakfast plans.” Jake gestured between you and him, his focus never leaving Josh.

You watched as they bickered back and forth, allowing it to go on for a couple minutes until you couldn’t take it anymore. “Okay, children…” They both turned to you in unison and you smiled, loving the moments when they were perfectly in sync. “I will go and get breakfast for all of us. You two can stay here and work out whatever this is.” You didn’t give either of them a chance to say anything, “No go away so I can get dressed.” Jake pushed the door shut in Josh’s face, but you heard him holler a ‘Thanks, mama.’ through the barrier as you rose from the bed.

“I could’ve made him leave, Y/N” He walked over to you, pouting his lip. “I wanted to go to the cafe, just the two of us.” You pulled your panties on, listening to him make his argument, and then went to the closet. He followed you, lingering in the doorway.

You put on a pair of black leggings and pulled a plain white, cropped tee from its hanger, turning to Jake. “I’ll be back in less than an hour, baby.” His hands found your waist, drawing you closer to him. You placed your hand over his chest before giving him a quick peck, “You know Josh doesn’t come to you unless he’s onto something really good.”

His eyes fell shut as he soaked your words up, nodding in understanding. “You don’t always have to be right about everything.” Jake slid his hands over your ass, giving it a playful squeeze. “Okay, but don’t take too long.” He left one more soft kiss to your lips before letting you move past him and out of the bedroom.

_____________________________________________________

You parked your car by the curb, grabbing a few quarters to throw in the meter. Jake had texted you on your drive into the city to let you know that Danny and Sam would be coming to your home as well. When you got out of the car, you sent him a response, asking for a list of everyone’s drink and food orders. After tossing the change into the parking meter, earning you 30 minutes, you walked the half block towards the coffee shop. It was crowded inside the cafe, busier than usual for 10 am on a Thursday. You stepped up to the line, reading over the text that held the order requests before switching apps to occupy your time. When the barista called you up, you read everything off the list, finishing with your own items and giving her your debit card. She took it with a smile, swiping it down the side of the card reader and handed it back to you. You pulled a $20 bill from your wallet and stuffed it into the tip jar as you moved to the other end of the counter to wait for your name to be called. Just as you unlocked your phone to text Jake, letting him know you’d be back soon, something caught your attention. You looked up into the mess of people littering the small area, your eyes landing on a curtain of brown hair, shielding a face that was turned down, staring at a phone screen. You squinted, trying to be sure it was who thought. But when she lifted her head, her eyes instantly landing on you, it wasn’t her face you were looking at. It was her shirt. Jake’s shirt. You would recognize the black, acid washed garment anywhere, it was one of a kind. Slowly your eyes traveled up to her face, a deer in headlights expression plastered there. A barista called your name then, causing you to look away from her and when you turned back, she was weaving through the sea of customers and out the door. You grabbed the cup holder and bags that held your order and rushed out the door, ready to confront her for stealing from your home, from your boyfriend. But when you hit the sidewalk, whipping your head in both directions, she was just gone.

Your palms were sweating with fury the whole drive home. When you tramped through the front door, Jake instantly knew something was off. He came up, taking the loaded cup holder from your hands, “What happened, Y/N?” He followed you into the kitchen, where his brother all stood around the island. “Are you okay?” He placed the drinks down and turned you to face him.

“I fucking saw her.” Your chest was rising and falling rapidly as your temper grew. “That snake bitch stole your shirt Jake! She fucking took it from our bedroom floor and she’s wearing it.” You didn’t need to say her name, he knew who you were referring to.

He rubbed his hand up and down your arms in a soothing manner, willing you to relax. “What do you mean, love? What shirt?” He kept his voice calm despite the sick feeling in his chest. You described the shirt to him.

“I was wearing it that night. When we-” You paused, knowing the guys were listening to your entire conversation. “When I woke up and went into the bedroom the next morning, it was gone. I dug through every piece of clothing in that room.” Taking a deep breath, you huffed the air out of your lungs, “She was in the coffee shop… Wearing it like it fucking belonged to her. She had no fucking right.” You didn’t realize you were shaking until Jake wrapped you in his arms, tucking you against him. He whispered into your hair, little things that he knew would calm you.

When Sammy opened his mouth to speak from behind you, your head snapped to look at him. “She really is obsessed with you…” You waited for him to elaborate but he was completely clueless.

Jake was the one to push, “What are you talking about, Sam?”

His little brother shrugged, “I thought the way she threw herself at you in Atlanta was a little odd, but she’s really coming into stalker territory.”

You looked from Sam to Jake, brows furrowed. Atlanta? He hadn’t been in Atlanta since March? “Jake, what is he talking about?”

He was just as puzzled as you were, trying to put pieces together. “I never met her in Atlanta, Sam. I didn’t know who she was until Odessa introduced her at the bar two months ago?”

“Yes you did.” Now Sam was the one confused, “When we were down there to work with that producer that label tried to pair us with. Odessa drove down to visit Danny and brought Sage with her.” He paused, sipping his coffee. “We were at that western themed bar and she kept trying to buy you drinks and hang on you.” You could see Jake’s gears turning, the memory settling into place. “After she was all over Y/N at the bar and then me at the cookout…I don’t know. I chalked it up to her just enjoying attention… But now…” He trailed off, shaking his head.

“The blonde? At the cowboy bar with Odessa… The blonde girl was Sage?” Jake looked at Danny for confirmation and he gave a gentle nod. “How did I not connect those dots? I can’t even remember seeing her face that night.”

Josh chimed in, “Probably because you were worried about Y/N that whole weekend.” He flicked his eyes to you, an apologetic look on his face.

You looked up at Jake, remembering that time, “I was supposed to make the trip down with Dess, but my dad got sick… I had to drive home.” A sickening feeling started to ripple through your insides. “Jake, she’s-” Your voice shook as you fought back the nausea working its way up your esophagus.

He knew what you were thinking as his brothers all stared at you, trying to draw their own conclusions. “Baby, no. You don’t think-.”

“It’s all been her.”

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🤍Taglist🤍

@ohgodthefeeling-gvf @gvfpal @takenbythemadness @objectsinspvce @mybussyinchrist @wetkleenex-gvf @myleftsock @everyglowinthetwilightknows @ppoutine @sinarainbows @aintthatapity @anythingforjtk @alwaysonthemend @ohyoufancyhuh @montenegroisr @gvf23 @ageofbajabule

[gaysindistress]

As Good a Reason - seven

pairing: ⚠️Dark!Mob!Bucky⚠️ x reader

summary: when Brock Rumlow picks a fight he can’t win with the White Wolf, he drags his Snake back. Six years after she ran away, Y/N Rumlow is faced with a choice to make; do as she’s told and kill the White Wolf or overtake her father instead because spite’s as good a reason to take his power?

warnings: ⚠️Dark!Mob!Bucky⚠️, cursing, blood, more character deaths, smutty moments but not full spice

word count: 2.6k

Tag list @kandis-mom @casa-boiardi @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @cakesandtom @unaxv @hidden-treasures21 @vonalyn @emerald-writes

a/n: AHHHH HERE'S THE FINAL PART OF AS GOOD A REASON!!!! I know I went MIA for a minute but I'm back. I started a new job and moved states so it's been an absolutely crazy week for me. Going forward, I'm going to be slower with updating and fics will probably only come out once a week. I've been focusing on editing Divine Violence and catching up on my reading stack (my poor kindle is overloaded) but I promise I won't forget about all of you on tumblr <3 <3 <3

six | series masterlist

Victoria is silent during the drive, keeping her stare ahead and out the front window without so much as a single glance to her sister or brother. Y/N keeps shooting glances at Niklaus for explanation but he offers nothing. 

“Vic,” she says softly, touching her sister’s shoulder and she flinches at the touch, “Vic what’s wrong?”

She doesn’t answer at first but the second time that her sister asks, she briefly looks back at her and whispers something. 

“What did you say?”

Clearing her throat, she says the unthinkable, “Brock made me do it.”

“What did he make you do?” Niklaus says as he leans towards the front seat. 

“I didn’t have a choice. He….he said if I loved him, I would do it.”

Steve glances over in concern from the driver’s seat, “What is she going on about?”

“I know just as much as you,” Y/N scoffs before turning to her sister, “Vic what did he make you do?” “He said that if I was a good daughter, I would do it,” she mumbles to herself as she pulls something from under her loose sweatshirt. Steve looks over at her again and slams on the breaks in efforts to stop her from pulling out the weapon. The sudden stop sends everyone flying forward as well the knife Victoria had started to pull out. Steve snatches it up before she can with one hand and has a gun pointed at with the other. The car behind them, the one that Sam and James are in, slams to a halt as well as the two men clamor out. 

“What the fuck?” James hisses when he approaches the driver’s side. He narrows his eyes at everyone inside the car and lets out a disappointed sigh when he sees the knife and a shaking Victoria. 

“I expected more of you, Victoria Marie,” he scolds her as if she is a child and nods to Sam and Steve. Sam rips the backseat door open and pulls the other two triplets out as Steve hands him the knife. 

“What are you doing?” Niklaus sneers at Sam and James but neither of them answer. Y/N tries her hand at getting an answer but again gets nothing aside from a stern look from James. Steve exits the vehicle next as the two are dragged back to the second car. He grabs hold of Y/N who fights him tooth and nail to get out of his hold but it’s useless. 

As they’re shoved into the car, they hear a gunshot. Both gasp and let out cries of anger, rage, pain, sadness, anything at all that they’ve felt in the last six years. James joins them in the car, cleaning the barrel of Steve’s gun off on his pant leg. He says nothing as Sam drives off. 

The car where Victoria should be in is starting to smoke as flames try to lick up the sides. Y/N looks at him in horror but no reaction. 

Two Rumlows gone in the span of two hours. 

Who is next?

Five days pass before Y/N leaves her room. 

She guarded the door with any piece of furniture she could find and refused to open it unless absolutely necessary. Niklaus, of course, had been the only expectation however he too rarely left his room. 

That was until Steve pounded on their doors, demanding that they be downstairs in 15 minutes for a reunion dinner. Y/N scoffs at the idea of having a reunion dinner when all her and her brother want to do is grieve. 

Another pound on the door brings her attention back and she takes a sharp breath in before opening it. A black box sits on the ground in front of the door and it takes everything in her to not stomp on the fragile lid. She picks it up and tosses it onto her bed, staring at it as she sits on the floor. It’s similar to the box she got that first night days ago. 

Weeks ago. 

Months ago?

Honestly at this point, Y/N couldn’t remember how long it had been since she was dragged back to this hell hole of a city and had her life turned upside down. All she knows is that the grip that James had on her is growing tighter everyday. It’s becoming suffocating, squeezing out any breath that she tries to take and that box on her bed is a physical reminder of the hand that’s always wrapped around her throat. 

She climbs to her feet and hesitantly takes a seat next to the box, contemplating whether or not she should let the hand control her even more. A thought crosses her mind, one that chills her to the bone. 

What would James do to Klaus?

Her fingers quickly flick open the box and the lid slides back to reveal a gold necklace sitting on black tissue paper. She lets out a deep sigh at the theatrics that James puts into everything that he does. Picking up the necklace, Y/N scoffs as she looks it over. Of course, he would ask…command her to wear a necklace with his name on it. 

However as her fingers pick it up, they catch on the paper to show a bundle of black gleaming fabric. She pulls the paper back even more and takes out the dress he’s also silently demanding that she wears. It’s a mid length square neck dress that will no doubt show off everything she wants to hide from men like James. 

Sneering at both disgusting gifts, she throws them back into the box and shoves it off her bed. It clatters to the floor as she stares at it in anger, a deep feral anger that needs to be released. This anger accepts only one payment though and that is blood. More specifically that of the White Wolf’s. 

Only the sounds of clanking silverware and the occasional conversation between James and his men. Niklaus and Y/N stayed silent from the moment they saw each other in the hall. He glared at the dress and necklace she wore and she wanted desperately to tell him it was all a facade but she couldn’t without tipping off the men around them. She could see the palpable anger in his eyes, the hurt that flashed when he read the name that claimed her throat. She tried to convey with her eyes that it would all end tonight but he looked away too quickly and went back to eating. 

The dining room is much like the rest of the house, black and devoid of any emotion. She wants to make a remark about it mirroring the inside of the owner’s heart but one quick glance to the head of the table keeps it locked behind her painted lips. 

James, ever the regal mafia leader, is leaning back in his chair as he watches over his subjects. Surprisingly he’s only wearing a half buttoned black short sleeve and black slacks. Y/N pretends to trail her eyes over the tanned skin that is on display and when she lands on his face, there is a smirk welcoming her heated gaze. He takes a swallow of his favored amber liquid without breaking eye contact with her. A shiver of disgust wants to wash over her body but she suppresses it as Sam speaks. He drones on about whatever useless business he and Steve dealt with today, no doubt so insignificant that if Klaus or Y/N tried to use it against them, it would do nothing. She knew this routine well; dangle pieces of information before their enemies in efforts to get them to strike. Brock had done it time and time again to the point that the remaining Triplets knew it well. Well enough to not take the bait. 

Dinner slowly comes to an end as servants take away the empty places, leaving all of the guests to glare at each other. Y/N’s fingers tap lightly on the steak knife that remains, drawing attention to it and Steve motions for it to be taken away. James chuckles under his breath as he watches the interaction but says nothing. Y/N smirks on the inside but puts on a face of frustration. 

Both her and the White Wolf knew that if she was going to try something, she wouldn’t have been so obvious as to grab a steak knife. No, James knows that it’s a distraction but he wants to watch her plan unfold before stopping her. 

His sharp eyes meet hers again and they pin her to her seat. She sees his mouth move but she can’t hear the words that come out. She guesses that he dismissed everyone from the way that everyone clears out of the room , leaving them alone. Niklaus shoots her a glance before Sam pushes him out and she gives her brother a small nod. 

I’ll be okay.

Niklaus doesn’t fight Sam because he knows that she will be but it does little to calm the rising fear. He nods back. 

Be careful. 

She smiles at him, covering her sinister plan with sibling love. 

Once the door is closed and they are finally alone, Y/N settles her gaze back on James who had been watching the interaction. He sits his glass on the arm of his chair as he looks her over. A twinkle of something positively feral flashes in his eye when he takes in the necklace and dress she is wearing. 

“I figured it better to comply,” she offers as she takes a sip of her wine. 

“Comply?” he questions, “You make it sound like I’m a tyrant.”

“You’re far worse.”

James lets out a deep laugh that’s more animal like than human, “If I were then your brother’s head would’ve been served for dinner.”

Y/N takes another slow sip of her wine to hide her seething anger at the suggestion. 

“And then I would’ve taken you in front of the others.”

She turns to narrow her eyes at him, “What if I said no?”

“You won’t have.”

“How can you be so sure?” The glass of his cup clinks on the table as he sits it on the table before him, “Look at what you’re wearing. I’d say that is a pretty good indication that you wouldn’t say that to me.”

She rolls her eyes at him and sits her own glass on the table. Taking a deep breath, she prepares herself for her next move. Before James can say another vile thing, she quickly stands and walks to the head of the table. Perching herself on the table just beside him, Y/N gently pushes at the arm of James’ chair. Taking the hint, he moves back an inch and takes her by the hips to pull her in front of him. She had only been this close to him a handful of times but every time it’s just as terrifying as the last. His cold attitude extends to the air that circles him and now her. His scent of leather, guns, and blood engulf her and caress the sides of her face as he watches her every move. 

In another life, she knew that she would’ve fallen for him. She could see the charm and confidence that he would use on her to get her into bed. She could see the way that he would shower her with gifts to the point where she would have to beg him to stop. She could see how he would laugh when he kissed up her neck, claiming that she would never have enough and would never stop giving her the world. 

However now with the predatory look in his eye, she’s not sure that he would ever be the James that she pictured in her head. This man, the White Wolf, is the image of pure evil down to the way that he lazily smiles up at her, a dark look swimming in his equally darkening eyes. 

“Don’t pull anything stupid, little snake,” he murmurs to her as he drinks in the way his name lays on her breasts. 

“Who said I was going to do anything?” she murmurs back as she leans down into his space.

“I know that look.” 

She bats her lashes at him, fiending innocence and he laughs again, that deep rumble in his chest squeezing the air from her lungs. His right hand makes a slow climb up her arm as she leans down and finds its place on her throat, just above where his name sits on its golden chain. His thumb rubs her jaw, tipping her face down by her chin so he can look at her better. His tongue swipes his bottom lip as he appreciates the red painted on hers. 

“We both know you’re not some stupid innocent doll,” he whispers to her, “You’re my little snake, clever and deadly.”

“Are you my White Wolf then?”

James smirks at her question and draws her closer, “That depends.”

“On?”

“If you plan to keep trying to kill me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she whispers against his lips before kissing him. His soft lips move against hers in a slow but domineering way, control every slide and move they make. The hand around her neck slips into her loose hair while his other hand pulls her by the hips onto his lap and slips up on her lower back. Under her, she can feel the hardness forming in his pants and she stifled a moan at the feeling of him moving against her. One of her hands tangles into her hair, pulling at it so his head falls back and she descends upon his neck. 

Y/N leaves wet kisses on his jaw and down his neck as they move against each other, gasps and moans leaving both of them. In their desperation to devour each other, James didn’t notice that her other hand was nowhere to be felt on his body nor did he see the flash of silver in the fire light. 

“Fuck,” he chokes out when that flash of silver hides a place in between his sixth and seventh rib. Y/N quickly pulls the small dinner knife out and plunges back into the same area. The shock of her attack and the pain that is growing hot in his side stop him from pushing her off or defending himself in other ways. 

She pulls away, still sitting on top of him with the bloody knife in her hand and gives him a small smile. He breathlessly chuckles at the sight, “Wouldn’t dream of it?”

“It’s not a dream anymore,” she offers with a small shrug. 

James drops his hands from her body as she slides off and lets her knife on the table just out of his reach. The attack on his spleen will cause him to bleed out slowly enough that he will feel every moment of it but fast enough that there would be nothing anyone could do to help him. They both know it and he wants to laugh again at the situation but the pain prevents him from doing so. 

“Why?” he asks, almost too quiet for her to hear but she does. She pauses at the door to answer him. 

“Spite.”

[sapphic-scylla]

Nimona illuminates the final part of my entire gender crisis and not only what led up to who I am but the truth of who I am and who I know myself to be.

I use she/her, they/them, and any and all pronouns.

I grew up knowing I was different like most trans people. I could never explain it because I never had the words. That inability to understand what any of my confused and festering feelings meant.

I grew up alone. I had family, but they were so invested in turning me into the ideal man that they refused to meet me at my level.

As I entered school, friends didn’t last very long. My longest friendship was 4 months until I entered college. I still don’t talk to anyone from high school because no one cared to invest their time into me. So I stayed lonely.

It had been long past the time I’d discovered it was a gender issue. At 12, I discovered that being a guy at all was distasteful to me. Acting masculine felt like I was pouring acid on my skin while being told to not act feminine was, fittingly, like stifling tears. You know they want to come out and they will eventually and you can’t stop it no matter how hard people tell you not to, but you bottle it anyways because people won’t like you if you cry.

That bottling.

That shoving down all of those trans emotions.

They don’t go away.

And when you also live in Utah, the state of the high and mighty. The self-righteous. And you hear EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. For 21 years. “Being gay is a sin.” “Being trans won’t get you to heaven.” Hearing the scoffs of disapproval at a guy acting feminine. Seeing the bullying. Witnessing the abuse and control your parents carve into you by saying things like “stop acting like that” or “walk it off” or “you do what we tell you because you live in our house.”

They wait. And they bubble.

It’s like a volcano. Pressure builds. For 10 years, it builds. And that volcano does release steam every once in a while. But it sits. And waits. Until it can’t anymore. And then…

People used to think volcanos were monstrous creatures that sat beneath the earth. It’s not true for real volcanos. It’s true for people.

It hit in high school. All of that pent up frustration. All of that anger and rage and sorrow. Just slowly releases for 5 years. And the wild thing is that it just. Kept. Going. I hit 22-23 and I was still ripping my own world to shreds. Friendships, family relationships, a marriage. All torn into tatters.

And it wasn’t just the undiagnosed ADHD. It was a person who kept forcing herself to fit into the boxes and the roles and the expectations of a girl who was trying to fit the mold of a lie. A false ideal. A belief that someone else had shackled her with.

And when she broke those shackles, she saw how people saw her.

As a monstrosity. An abomination. A creature. A demon. A nameless entity that people refused to care about or accept.

That monstrosity tried to kill herself 3 times over that span of 7-ish years, almost adding another tally to Utah’s record of being the state with the most suicides. Because like Nimona said…

"I don't know what's scarier. The fact that everyone in this kingdom wants to run a sword through my heart... or that sometimes, I just wanna let them."

I’m much better now. After my marriage fell apart, I got into therapy. I got my ADHD diagnosis and I’m working towards getting an anxiety diagnosis and maybe a few other things that are screaming inside the cage that is my brain.

I’m still not good at making friends. Between the neurodivergence and the transgender pride that I carry and wear out in the open, not a lot of people want to hitch their cart to a fluidflux creature like me.

I don’t bottle my feelings anymore. I also don’t take shit from the people that continue to view my existence as a threat or treat me like a villain, an abomination, and a curse. Because as we all know, people fear what they don’t understand. And even when what they don’t understand is me, a “monster”, they try to kill me or force me outside the walls or attempt to capture, restrain, and shove me into a box.

I considered letting them win several years ago. Never again.

However, that ideal that Nimona carried sits within my soul.

Maybe I am a monster. Maybe it’s why I hyperfixate on gods and monsters and myths and the darker side of the stories we’re told and the creatures that loom in the shadows.

Because I know how the world sees me. They see a monster.

And maybe that’s not so much of a bad thing. Maybe it’s better to be the thing they fear.

[ikeromantic]

Congrats on the Ikesen 1k event! Can i request Shingen + Secret + 👹

Ok so, this one hit me like a truck. Or a train xD My brain picked it up and ran with it. A sort of fairytale AU. So, here we go! Approx. 3000 words of Shingen, secrets, and oni.

Mai arrived at the village just before sunset. She was bone tired and dusty from travel. All she wanted at this point was a bath and a soft futon. Hopefully this place had an inn, or some kind people to rent her a room for the night. 

The street was strangely empty, too quiet even for the small collection of wood houses. There was no one out and about, so she tried knocking on a few doors. No one answered. She saw no lanterns lit and no smoke from cook fires. The only signs of life came from the castle set just above the village on a low rise. Strains of music drifted from the heights, which meant there must be someone there.

Lords were a tricky lot, she knew. Some would not deign to notice her presence, and their servants would let her sleep in the barn or a shed. Some would chase her off and threaten her. Others wanted payment for a room in something other than gold. But sometimes they were welcoming too. Asking for news from her travels and offering food and a place to stay in exchange for nothing but stories.

She trudged down the street to the castle gate. “Hello?” 

As with the rest of the town, there was no answer. Mai pushed the gate open. It was heavy and she had to put her whole body into it. The gate swung open with a rusty squeal, and a shout of pained surprise.

Mai stumbled back from the gate as an annoyed looking man moved into view. He was dressed in fine clothes, accented with red. His warm brown eyes were narrowed with anger, and he was holding his elbow. “Hi?”

“You know, you could show a little patience, ya damn boar woman! Shoving the door open on me instead of waiting for me.” He gave her a severe frown. “Anyway, what do you want?”

“Umm. Sorry about that. I thought no one was coming.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, I need to find a place to rest tonight. It will be dark soon so . . .”

The man shook his head. “You can’t stay here. You should just keep walking until you’re well clear of the village.”

“Why is that?” Mai tilted her head. 

Another voice answered her, this one melodic and sorrowful. “Because this place is cursed.” A man stepped into view behind the first. He was opposite in every way. His skin was pale as porcelain, and his hair hung over his shoulder in a braid of shining dark silk. Pale eyes shone like the moon as his petal soft lips turned up in a melancholy smile. 

Mai almost didn’t notice the biwa in his hand, she was so busy staring at his beauty. 

“Ugh, you did it again, Yoshimoto. She’s about to start drooling.” The man with brown eyes named the beauty behind him with distaste. 

“I am not! I don’t drool!” She snapped. 

The beauty laughed. “Yukimura, stop being so rude. And let this lady in. I do not think she has time to clear the town before it gets dark so she will be no safer out there than in here.”

Yukimura stepped out of her way and motioned her inside. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.” He glared at Mai as if this was her fault. “I guess we should take her to see Lord Takeda. He’ll decide what’s best for her.”

Yoshimoto nodded. “Come along, lovely traveler. What is your name?”

“I’m Mai. And you are Yoshimoto?”

He chuckled. “Yes. And my rude companion is Yukimura.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened here? Everyone is gone. It’s like a zombie apocalypse. Minus the zombies, I hope.” Mai smiled nervously.

It was Yukimura that answered. “Didn’t you hear what he said before or are you deaf as well as clumsy? The place is cursed. A mad oni rages here on new moon nights and devours maidens. So everybody that could, left.”

“It . . . devours maidens?”

“Yeah, but only pretty ones so you got nothing to worry about, probably.”Yukimura smirked. 

Mai felt the urgent and sudden desire to slap him, but she restrained herself. 

Yoshimoto tutted. “That is not true, Yuki. The demon devours any woman. Old or young, maiden or matron. Though if it did hunt only the beauties, I fear you would be at the top of the menu, dear Mai.”

She blushed. “Erm, ok. So . . . is it a new moon?”

Yoshimoto nodded gravely. “But perhaps Lord Takeda will have an idea of how to keep you safe. It would be a shame to lose you on the same night we met, hm?”

They brought her to a large audience chamber. It was once sumptuously appointed, but everything was now in disrepair. A layer of dust coated the decorations, the rugs were sun-faded and worn, and the light of the setting sun gleamed in through gaps between the boards of the walls.

Mai’s eyes were drawn to the lord of this place as soon as he entered. He too had the look of faded beauty. A wide-shouldered man with grey eyes like storm-clouds and lips that were made for wickedness. 

He smiled as he saw her, a flicker of life warming his expression. “What angel has graced us with her presence? Am I dreaming or has heaven sent me a blessing?”

“Umm, I’m Mai. And . . . umm . . . and . . .”

Yukimura snorted. “Seriously? First she drools all over Yoshimoto and now she gets all speechless in front of you?”

“I’m going to guess you didn’t get such a reaction,” Shingen chuckled. “Don’t be jealous, Yuki. I’m sure you will grow into your looks one day.”

“H-hey!” Yukimura turned bright red. “You’re supposed to be on my side!”

Mai couldn’t help but giggle. 

The sound drew Lord Takeda’s eyes back to her. There was a fevered light in them, a bright heat that illuminated them like the sun behind the clouds. “Your laugh is music to my ears. It has been too long since we had anything here to smile about. So tell me, beauty, why do you grace the halls of this cursed home?”

“Lord Takeda . . . I am traveling to Sakai and I stopped here for the night. I was hoping to find an inn or rent a room. But Yukimura and Yoshimoto said, well -” she paused, unsure what to say. An oni seemed like a fanciful thing. A fairytale. 

“Call me Shingen,” he said into the silence. “We will have you stay here tonight.”

“But the oni,” Yukimura began to protest.

Shingen shook his head. “It will be fine. I will personally ensure she is safe.”

Yoshimoto frowned but nodded. “As you say.”

He closed the distance between them and took her hand. “I will let nothing touch you, my angel. Come with me.”

“L-lord Takeda -”

“Shingen.”

“R-right. Shingen. Thank you for letting me stay. You don’t need to worry about me though. I can defend myself. So if you’ll just point the way?” Mai didn’t want any special favors from this honey-tongued guy. She wasn’t sure whether or not there was a literal demon to worry about, but she knew all the dangers inherent in being around hot guys with big swords. 

He smiled at her. It was the kind of smile that had promises behind it. “It’s no trouble, gorgeous. If anything, it is I that should thank you for giving me this moment to view your beauty and a chance to prove myself worthy of it.”

“Umm. Right. Ok.” Mai felt heat creep into her cheeks. Thankfully, it seemed they reached their destination. A room at the end of the hall. 

Shingen kissed the back of her hand. His lips were warm and soft and sent a shock of pleasure up her arm. “I must leave you now. It is almost dark. Just . . . close your door and lock it. Do not open it, no matter what you hear or see.”

He pushed her gently into the room and shut the door. 

“Wait! Hey!” Mai reached to open it back up but his voice stopped her.

“Lock the door, angel.” There was something in his tone, some deep sadness as if he were on the edge of tears. 

Mai did as he asked. Once the lock slid into place, she heard his footsteps recede. Alone in the room, she set down her pack and checked the knife strapped to her arm. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself. It seemed a bath was out of the question, along with a warm meal. 

The room had a futon rolled up in one corner. She unfurled it and shook the dust out. It looked thick and soft, at least. There was a small shelf too, with some porcelain dishes and a lantern. A wall scroll hung above the shelf, depicting the town below in better times. And there was one large window that looked out on an overgrown garden. 

Even in its desolation, the garden was beautiful. Vining flowers grew up over the benches and crawled along the walls toward the window. Bushes grew in unrestrained tangles, blossoms pushing through the greenery in profusion. It was like a verdant, floral jungle. Mai decided she would look at it in the morning. Assuming she could. She swallowed her fear and went to sit down on the futon.

Everything would be fine. Oni weren’t real, so she would just need to be alert for the real problem. Maybe bandits? Or some disease that affected women more than men? A yawn disrupted her train of thoughts. Anxiety and exhaustion fought over her, leaving her limbs feeling heavy and thick and her heart beating fast and thready. 

Mai laid down on the futon. It was soft and smelled like lavender. Exhaustion started to win out and her eyes fluttered closed. 

Only to fly open at the sound of some creature in pain, howling in the night. 

“Come on, Mai. It’s not a demon. Just, like, a big dog or something. A bear maybe. A hurt bear.” She closed her eyes forcefully but the sound came again. 

She sat up and drew the slim blade from its sheath. “Ok. Ok. It’s nothing to be scared of. Probably that Yuki guy trying to scare me.” Mai sat there in the dark, nerves jangling.

The howling faded and for a moment, there was blessed silence. Then came the sound of cracking wood. Like trees being uprooted. Walls being torn down. She felt the walls shiver with the force of whatever violence took place beyond her sight. 

Mai stood and went to the door. She pressed her ear to it, listening. There was shouting in the distance, but she couldn’t make out the words. An animalistic growl and another crash, this one close enough to shiver the walls of her room. 

Then, she heard it. A soft sound just under the cacophony. “Mai,” it whispered. “Mai. Come out, Mai.” 

The voice froze her where she stood. “Umm. Hello?”

“Open the door,” the whisper came again. 

She moved back from it, fear prickling her skin. “Nope! I’m good! You can go away now!” 

Something huge slammed into her door. The wood creaked and bulged in protest. The assault came again and again. With each attack, the door looked closer to collapse but somehow held. And then it didn’t. With a shower of splinters, the wood gave way. 

Mai leapt back and ran for the open window. She crawled out of it and dropped down into the overgrown garden. 

A huge, horrid face leered out at her from her room. Gleaming white fangs, swollen red lips, horns jutting from a tangle of brown hair. “Come back Mai! Where are you going? Don’t run! I only want to eat you!”

She ran. It was never a good idea to run in the dark with a bare blade in hand, but falling and stabbing herself seemed like a better fate than whatever that monster had in store. Mai dodged around a vine covered bench and crouched behind a giant camellia bush. 

The oni crashed after her, tearing plants from the ground and smashing whatever stood in his way. “Mai!” His voice echoed through the garden. 

He sounded close. She held her breath and tried to make herself small. With luck, he’d pass by. And if he did spot her, she had plenty of room to run. Mai’s hand tightened on the hilt of her dagger. Just go away, she thought. 

“I can’t just go away. You smell so delicious little Mai.” The oni’s hot breath ghosted against her cheek as he spoke. 

She turned her head to see that he’d somehow crept up behind her and now crouched there, so close that she could not run. Mai screamed.

The oni grabbed her. His smile was wide and hungry. “It’s been so long,” he crooned. “So long. I have had nothing to hunt. Nothing to eat!”

“That sounds like a ‘you’ problem!” Mai kicked at him, trying to wriggle loose. She was so frightened that she shook like a leaf despite her vocal defiance. 

He brought her close, so close that she could see the beads of spittle on his long, sharp teeth. “I wonder if you taste as sweet as you sound.” His jaw creaked as he opened it wider.

Mai flailed, panic consuming her. The knife she still gripped slashed the oni’s face and then lodged in his shoulder. 

The oni howled and let go. It grabbed the hilt of her dagger and jerked the blade free. Blood as black as night oozed from the wound. “What have you done,” he cried. Something flickered in his eyes, a familiar grey like the overcast sky. He fell to his knees, gasping. “You’ve killed me.”

Mai wanted to run, she really did. But something held her there, just out of the oni’s reach. She watched as he slumped from his knees to the ground. His breathing grew more and more labored until finally, it stopped. 

Though she knew it was a bad idea, Mai crept carefully forward. She reached out and poked the oni. It did not move, just lay there in the spreading pool of black blood. Even though it was a monster and would have eaten her, she felt bad for stabbing it. She’d never killed anything before, much less a demon. Her chest felt heavy with conflicting emotions.

There was elation at surviving, but guilt too. And a certain curiosity. Oni were real, and that by itself was a surprise. She tentatively grabbed the oni’s shoulder, and rolled him over so that she could see his face. In death, the expression he wore was peaceful. And there was a certain nobility to it, as if perhaps, he was not all bad. 

“Sorry about this,” she told him. “You didn’t leave me much choice but . . . still. I wish we’d both parted ways alive.” She pushed back a strand of his brown hair. Did oni have families? Friends? Would anyone miss him? Or was he just a monster? “I hope you’re at peace now, anyway.” She gently closed his eyes and then, impulsively, pressed a kiss to his cooling forehead. 

As her lips brushed his skin, something began to change. She felt the oni’s limbs tremble. Mai yelped, and leapt away. It wasn’t dead! Her knife lay in the pool of black blood beside the beast, and she cursed herself for not picking it up first. 

The oni’s skin began to shift and bubble, paling in the dim starlight from the red of demon-flesh to a mortal color. And its face melted in on itself, the tusks shrinking, the horns melding with its head. 

Mai watched in horror, afraid to move, afraid to even breathe. But her fear turned to awe as the oni became the lord. “Shingen?”

His eyes fluttered open. “Mai?” 

She wasn’t sure what to do. Run? Fight? “You were the oni?”

He nodded tiredly. “I was. But you’ve broken the curse. I can feel it. The absence of it.” Shingen favored her with a smile that could woo a thousand maidens. “You really are an angel. No. You’re a goddess. A divine beauty with a soul as pure as light.” 

“Heh. I don’t know about that. I stabbed you. Not exactly angel material.” She took a tentative step closer. “Are you . . . ok?”

Shingen sat up and rubbed his torn clothes. “The wound healed. It would have anyway. The oni has been stabbed and shot and burned and cut in two. I always wake at sunrise, whole. It has been my secret shame for years. I am the lord when the sun is up, and a beast on the nights of the new moon.”

“But it’s not sunrise.” 

He took her hand and kissed it. “No. It isn’t. Because you broke my curse. You saw something good in that evil creature. And you gave me your blessing.”

“All I did was kiss your forehead.” She blushed, feeling foolish and also a little proud. How many seamstresses could say they broke a curse?

Shingen looked at her with his silvered gaze, a slow smile spread across his lips. “Would you grant me another kiss, then? Just to be sure?”

“I-if you think -” That was as far as she got before his warm lips closed over hers, with a kiss as sweet as summer melons. A slow, blossoming kiss that took her breath away and made her heart race. 

When he broke the kiss, she took a moment to get herself under control. “Whoa. I - I think you’re cured now.”

Shingen’s heated gaze held her shy one. “Are you sure, my goddess? Perhaps you should stay and treat me with your blessings for another month. Just until the next new moon passes. Just in case.” His thumb stroked her knuckles, a lovers caress. “I may need your medicine every day to keep me safe.”

“I - I think you’re exaggerating.” She knew he was. Probably. But there was no part of her that protested the idea of kissing this man every day for the next month. Maybe more than once a day. Maybe more than kissing. Mai cleared her throat. “I can see staying for awhile. Just to be certain. But - but that doesn’t mean you can just go kissing me whenever you want. I like to get to know a guy first!”

“Then let’s spend this month getting to know each other very well.” His reply was almost a purr. 

Mai wondered if the oni was really the more dangerous version of Shingen. Because this one promised to eat her up too, with those stormy grey eyes and that sensual mouth. But the way she was feeling, she wasn’t sure she would mind it much.

[youredoingg8sweetie]

Pre-Jily concept

I have a lot of thoughts about That Day at The Lake™ and how Lily/The Mauraders recover. I also think a lot about the fact that Peter was as ingrained in the group and that he was GOOD before being corrupted by fear and zealots - which is what makes the betrayal so heart-wrenching. Sirius x Lily is my BroTP but I wanted to consider a moment of connection between Peter and Lily that may have that might lead to a deeper friendship and trust. This is what got spat out of my brain.

I haven't written since high school and I overuse commas, sue me.

----

She was hiding. She knew she shouldn’t be out on the grounds. The sun was already beginning to set but Lily rationalized that all of the things to happen today–the potential of losing house points for being out past curfew is hardly her main concern. 

When she stormed away from the lake this afternoon, she didn’t have a plan, she just couldn’t keep standing there with everyone looking at her. Lily had stalked away so quickly after yelling at James–so hot-headed–that her original path back to the castle had been a blur with her body on autopilot. When she was taking the stairs to the tower leading to the common room she intercepted Mary and Marlene. They weren’t even there, maybe they didn’t know? Her question was quickly answered by the way they were looking at her. Like she was a wounded, broken thing.

“Lily!” Mary started, “Remus is looking for you, he told us every–”

Lily had turned without a word racing down the stairs. Ignoring the call of her friends after her. She crossed the entire castle to stop by the kitchens, knowing that dinner in the great hall was out of the question today. Too many peering eyes, too many silent ‘I told you so’s.’ 

She considered taking solace in the potions classroom. No. Too close to the Slytherin common room, and the first place Sev would look for her, if he had any intention of doing so. She had wandered outside, past the whomping willow, and reached the greenhouses as her stomach started to grumble. Lily unbuttoned her cloak, laying it on the ground as a cover for her makeshift picnic for one. 

As she started in on the bread and fruit she had nicked from the kitchens Lily couldn’t stop her mind from racing. She was sitting still, but the day continued to spin around her. Lily’s anger was quick and strong, but short lived. It and the adrenaline had mostly relinquished in her long search for a place to hide. She was left with the buzzing need of trying to cope with the madness of the afternoon. 

Severus. Her first real friend, once her best friend in this world, had publicly denounced her by reducing her to the blood he had always preached didn’t really matter. Tears welled in her eyes. She may never know when that changed; when her blood mattered more than their friendship… as distilled as it was now. After today, she could never fool herself that their friendship could survive. 

She had tried all year to bargain with herself, convinced that they could maintain their friendship as they grew older despite his new friends, despite her growing power as a witch, despite the growing tension between their houses and the world outside of Hogwarts. Lily blinked away the tears threatening to fall. Hurt and rage and stubbornness rising. Severus Snape had made his decision, loudly and publicly, and she could not pretend the boy who once made her flowers would stand by her when push came to shove, when it counted.  

And James. Prideful and arrogant and cruel, picking a fight with him in the first place. Cocking it up further by asking her out as a way to embarrass Snape. To embarrass her too, really. And her pride couldn’t have that, so she yelled at him and she turned down his flagrant proposal with all the hurt she couldn’t swallow. She wanted James to hurt. Wanted him to cut him down at the knees for teasing her for a laugh.

She thought they were finally starting to get along too. Like maybe they could be friends afterall. Like maybe the way he sometimes looked at her wasn’t just a joke to make Black laugh. She was such an idiot for believing them both. Her breath caught in her throat - Lily couldn’t decipher if it was the beginning of a sob or a sardonic laugh. As she reached for the water she had stowed away in her bag, the happenings of the afternoon continued to play in her head as the sun started to hide behind the trees of the forbidden forest.

Go out with me. Giant squid. Mudblood.

Go out with me. Giant squid. Mudblood.

Go out with me. Giant squid. Mudblood.

Go out with me. Giant squid. Mud–

“Lily!” Lily jerked at the voice who pulled her out of the trance. 

“Peter?” she looked at the young man who was peering around the corner of the greenhouse, his face flushed in what looked like relief that he had indeed found her. “What are you doing here?” Her voice was sharp, still poised to slice despite her exhaustion. Of the people she may have expected to come looking after her, she wouldn’t have put Peter Pettigrew at the top of the list.

His body tensed, halting his approach to her and standing what he must have ascertained was a safe distance away, “I–” his hands tightened around the small bag he was carrying, “I wanted to make sure you were okay. And to bring you this.” He stuck his arm straight to her holding the brown paper bag out for Lily to grab. “I thought you might need it.”

She didn’t answer him, eyeing him curiously in the silence that followed. Lily dropped her gaze to the package and stood up from where she had been sitting against the greenhouse to meet him. Taking the bag and peering inside she found a large corked bottle. She pulled the cork out and brought the bottle to her nose, her brain instantly recognizing the sweet scent of butterbeer. Lily’s brow twisted as she replaced the cork on top of the bottle. How had he managed to get this? They hadn’t had a day in Hogsmead day in over a month, anything purchased would have gone sour by now. When she looked back at Peter, a small smirk was threatening to show on his face. 

“Ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies.” 

Gaining no reaction from Lily, Peter’s face grew solemn again, looking down he spoke again, “I am sorry about what happened at the lake.” 

Lily stayed silent, her gaze not quite meeting his eyes as she considered punishing him too. But her rage had simmered into sadness and frankly she could use a drink. Peter was being kind, in his own way. 

“Do you have anything stronger?”

Pete’s eyes snapped to hers in surprise, “What?” Confusion knitting his brows. 

“Wherever you procured this,” she looked back down at the bottle, removing it  from the bag and now holding it loosely in her hand, “can you bring me anything stronger?” When he didn’t say anything she continued, “You’re right. Today has been shit.” A rueful too-tight smile pulled at her lips, “but if we are going to begin toasting to new beginnings, then I am going to need something stronger than this to believe them.” 

Peter looked unsure if he should laugh or run, “I-Uh,” he scratched his head, “Yes. I could.. But–” he stepped closer, moving to join her rather than make his way back to where he came, “but I wouldn’t get away with it. James won’t notice for days that I nicked this from him. Sirius, however? Keeps a much closer eye on his... procurements.” 

Lily rolled her eyes, of course Sirius had hard liquor at his disposal. Lily will need to tease Remus about that next time they meet in the library or on rounds. They were prefects after all. 

“Fair enough,” Lily said to Peter as she sat back down. “Did you bring cups? Or are we pulling straight from the bottle?” Lily eyed Peter. From the way he shifted under his gaze Lily could tell he was nervous, despite seeking her out. 

“Didn’t get that far,” he confessed. “I wasn’t sure you would talk to me let alone believe you would accept it” his eyes darted between her and the bottle as he sat down beside her. “I–Uh, I could transfigure a few goblets if you would like?” He fumbled to pull his wand from his robes but Lily stopped him with her hand. 

“Don’t bother. We can share.” She pulled the stopper from the bottle and took a long swig. Not stopping to think why she had decided to accept the bottle or his company instead of sending him away. Savoring the warmth of the drink as she swallowed, her hand extended away from her inviting Peter to take the bottle. He didn’t move to accept it. 

“Lily,” Peter looked down again, his voice somehow softer than before, “I feel responsible for what happened today. And–” 

Lily bristled. Accepting his company was one thing. His pity, another. 

“Not your fault” she dismissed, hoping he would just take the damn bottle from her. He eyed her, unconvinced. “You aren’t innocent,” she conceded. “Certainly you played your part in encouraging them. I am sure you laughed, as you always do when they decide to make a mockery of someone in the name of their own entertainment, spurred from nothing but their boredom and a need to feed their unending egos–” she huffed, “but you’re not the one who took it too far, Peter. You’re not the reason I’m out here.”

Peter finally reached for the bottle. “Why are you out here? I mean,” he took a quick, small swig from the bottle, biding time before asking “why are you out here alone?”

“I am not alone.” Lily answered too quickly. Her words sounded hollow, even to her own ears, unsuccessful in her sad attempt of cheek. 

“But you tried to be.” He countered, his tone remaining serious. 

She can’t think of the last time she and Peter had spoken to each other with no one else around. Can’t remember the last time he asked her anything so directly that wasn’t related to coursework. She reached out and he handed her the butterbeer. Her eyes shifted to the castle grounds again. The sun is completely hidden by the trees. It’s definitely past curfew now. 

“Are you close with your family, Peter?”

“My family?” he questioned, surprised by the quick change in subject.  “I love my parents, sure, but prefer to be at school if that’s what you mean. My fri–my brothers, are here. Why do you ask?” His eyes widened in panic, “are you going to ask to go back to Cokeworth? Oh Lily please don’t leave Hogwarts” Peters words were quick and pleading. 

“No” She interrupted him. He let out a deep sigh and waited for her to elaborate. Lily took another swig of the bottle. “Sev–Snape. Snape was like a brother to me once. Estranged as we may have been this year, I couldn’t not step in today when Potter chose to torment him."

“Believe it or not, the worst part isn’t even that he called me a mudblood.” Peter flinched at her casual use of the slur, “I am angry, sure. That they got to him. That I could see that he believed it when he said it. But I am more upset that he said he didn’t want my help, that he didn’t want… me, anymore.” The silence of the truth hung between them. “The fact that he called me a mudblood just confirms that we will be fighting on opposite sides of the war when we get out of here.” She outstretched her arm, holding the bottle out for him to take, “I am out here alone because I needed a chance to come to terms with that.”

Lily nearly asked if there was veritaserum in the Butterbeer. The truth spilled out of her with more clarity than she possessed. She was in a tizzy when she had parked herself on the side of the greenhouse, figuring she would cry or scream to fight against the storm of feelings and memories in her head. And yet, in the moments after her confession her mind is silent with calm. 

Peter moved the bottle to his lips. After the pull, he wiped a drop of liquid off his chin with his sleeve. 

“Snape’s an idiot.”

Lily nearly laughed at that, his words pulling her out of her thoughts. “He’s not the only one.” Peter glanced at her, catching her eye for the first time in minutes. 

“Do you mean James?” 

“After the shit he pulled today? Of course I mean Potter.” Lily grabbed the bread from her bag, shaking her head as she pulled off a piece and ate it.

“He was really worried about you when you didn’t show up for dinner.” Peter defended, “We all were. Especially once we realized that no one knew where you were. I know he wants to apologize to you, too.” 

“Potter is only sorry he got told off.” Lily replied, not trying to hide her frustration. She decided not to comment on the worries of her classmates, her friends. Choosing instead to reach for the butterbeer bottle and take a drink. They were approaching the end of the butterbeer now by the weight of it. The sun had completely set, and the dim greenhouse lights were the only thing keeping Peter in view. Lily peered inside the bottle and handed what was left of it back to Peter. 

“You can finish it. Thank you for sharing it with me.” After he took it from her grasp, she stood up and grabbed her cloak from the ground, shaking it to remove the dirt and earth that clung to it. “It’s getting dark. You should get inside.”

“What about you?” He vanished the now empty bottle and tilted his towards the castle. “Aren’t you coming?”

“In a bit. I am going to collect a few Lacewings Flies.” She lied. 

Lily tried to conjure a small smile, encouraging him to take the bait that she was alright. Or at least alright enough. Peter didn’t head towards the castle. 

“Truly, just a few minutes.” Lily tried again, “I’m practically right behind you. You can tell anyone that’s looking after me that I am okay. It would actually be a massive favor!” Peter considered her.

“I’m sort of terrified of Marlene.” Peter confessed. “If she knows I left you out here alone, I know she’ll curse me. If Remus doesn’t manage it first.”

“I was alone when you found me,” Lily countered. The guilt of running away from her friends earlier hitting her in the chest. 

“Sure, but that was your choice. If I turn my back on you, that’s my choice.” 

Lily wanted to curse Godric Gryfindor himself - for brandishing nobility as a house trait. Wishing for a moment a logical Ravenclaw might have discovered her hiding place instead. 

“I could dock you points for being out after curfew,” she threatened. She was reaching now and they both knew it. 

“I would deserve it,” he admitted. “I really am sorry, Lily. About everything. But you have to come inside eventually. Please come with me.”

So she did. 

– – –

[pangolinheart]

FFXIVWrite 2023 DAY 20 - HAMPER

AKA "Rhiki no!"

(This one is a little last-minute and half-baked because I had some kind of crazy and stressful stuff going on at work [and yesterday's will have to be my make-up for the week because I had to work from 8:30 am to 9:00 pm so I was too tired to write when I got home.] So have a little scene I envisioned when playing through the Stormblood Dark Knight questline. Rhiki is suddenly so full of bloodlust.)

Rating: Teen Characters: Z'rhiki Irhi (Warrior of Light), Sidurgu Orl, Rielle de Caulignont Word Count: 1,316 Content Warnings: Swearing

Life had been difficult since Haurchefant’s death. It had been difficult in all of the ways loss usually was, fraught with anguish, sorrow, and grief. He wasn’t the first person she had lost, and, as unpleasant as the feelings were, they were not entirely unfamiliar to her. It had also, however, been difficult in entirely new ways. In the aftermath, she had contended not only with sadness and regret, but anger. White-hot anger that seared through her chest and up into her throat. Swelling, uncontainable anger that made her want to scream until her voice gave out, or smash something with every onze of force she could muster – anything to get the anger out of her, even if she knew it would just make room for more. It was simultaneously primordial and completely alien, and it scared her.  

She had experienced pain and grief before becoming the Warrior of Light, but the causes were always nebulous, a confluence of personal choices and random circumstance that fermented into a tragedy. Sometimes, terrible things just happened, for no real reason, even to good people, and it was no one’s fault, really. There was no one person to blame, no villain to rage against. Just the inexorable chaos of the universe.  

Haurchefant’s death, though, was different. It had not only been someone’s fault, it had been intentional. There was a person, then an institution, on which to focus all of those swirling negative emotions, crystallizing them into rage. All of the heart-wrenching agony had a target. Someone that needed to be punished. 

The anger, however, did not die with Ser Zephirin, or Thordan, or the rest of the Heavensward. Even as their glittering aether dissipated into the air, the fury raged on. The evildoers were vanquished, and could do no more harm. Yet she was still so angry! But who was left to blame? Aymeric? Herself? No. In truth, there was no one. There was nowhere to direct such anger, and yet it festered in her chest, screaming to be released. 

She had tried to swallow those feelings, to press them down so far into her chest that they would never see the light of day. Even if she couldn’t hide them from herself, she could certainly shield others from them. How could she tell her friends, or anybody, about them, after all? Everyone believed she was a hero, that she was a good person. But surely a hero – surely a good person – couldn’t possibly have such ugliness buried inside them. What would they think of her if they could see the anger smoldering within her, like crackling embers awaiting a sudden updraft? 

It had taken her own reflection to teach her that that wasn’t sustainable. Shoving that anger down would only burn her alive from the inside. It had been a hard lesson to learn, but seeing her own face before her as she might see another person’s, the face of someone who was lost and hurting, had driven it home like a nail through her heart. It hadn’t been easy – it still wasn’t easy – but she was learning to be kind to herself. She had to give herself the grace she would show another girl, just like her, were the situation different. She at least had to try, anyway. This realization had helped to temper the rage, not by forcing it into submission but by acknowledging it, and recognizing it for what it was: pain. She now let such feelings wash over her, through her, without getting stuck in her heart or her throat where they might once again take root. It no longer built up inside of her, no longer needed to be vented to prevent her from exploding. She still felt it, of course, but it never made her ache for violent, bloody vengeance. 

That was what she told herself, at least. Which had been all well and good right up until she saw Ignasse. Until she saw that blue and white armor. 

She hadn’t even known Ignasse. He had been but one face among the many that had been absorbed into Thordan’s primal. Yet even still, it was like someone had pulled a lever inside of her that opened all of the floodgates. The hounds that had been sleeping quietly within were once again baying for blood. She lunged before she even realized what she was doing, fury singing through her veins once more. 

By the grace of the Twelve and Sid’s own quick reflexes, her friend was able to grab her before she had made it more than a few steps. Realizing upon doing so that she fully intended to fight for her freedom, he wrapped both arms around her in a more serious attempt to restrain her. Still, she thrashed about wildly in his grip, and he struggled to keep hold of her despite his great size advantage. 

“Let go of me, Sid!” She almost screamed, instead spitting out the words to keep them at a more reasonable volume. Sid didn’t comply with her orders, but made a sound of aggravation as she continued striving to free herself. She hadn’t even grabbed her sword; she was going to kill him with her bare hands if she could. 

“What in the name of the Fury-“ he hissed, voice strained. He readjusted his grip on her, and she tried to slam her foot down onto his despite the fact that they were both wearing metal sabatons. “Rhiki! Stop it! Hey!” She elbowed him in her attempts to escape. 

“What in the hells?! So when you want to kill someone it’s fine but when I want to suddenly it’s-“ 

“Rhiki, please calm down!” Rielle had also leapt into action when she saw the  alarming fluctuation in Z’rhiki’s behavior. She had dashed in front of the grappling pair, placing herself between Rhiki and the conjured man consoling his bereaved cousin, hoping to further hamper her efforts. Luckily, they had been watching the scene unfold from such a distance that the pair, with their backs mostly turned, didn’t seem to notice the small scuffle that had broken out. 

“Stay out of it! Both of you!” She growled, though with her voice’s high pitch and lilt it sounded less than threatening. “How dare that little shit use my aether to bring back a fucking Knight of the fucking Heavens’ Ward!” 

Earlier, she had been happy to help the boy, Myste, fulfill his strange purpose, despite the theft of her aether. He was a bit odd, to be sure, but she had felt that his heart was in the right place. This, though? This was too far. 

She renewed her struggle, and Sid had to almost lift her off the ground to keep her from pulling herself out of his grasp. “Not. Happening.” He grunted through gritted teeth, clearly frustrated. 

“Rhiki please!” Rielle begged again. “Myste is just trying to help! I’m sure of it! We don’t even know what’s really going on! If you’ll just calm down we can sort everything out, I know we can!” 

Though the words themselves did little to stem the tide of Rhiki’s anger, the pleading tone of her voice seemed to reach her, and her writhing subsided, if only a little, allowing Sid to grab a firmer hold of her. “Look!” He said, keeping his voice low, “It looks like they’re finishing up! At least let him get out of sight of his grieving relation. Then you can kill him.” 

This sounded to her like a much more reasonable proposal, and she stilled in his arms. “Fine,” she relented, voice still frayed from the exertion. “Now will you let go of me already?” 

This time Sid did release her, but kept his hands on her shoulders should she decide to make another dash for the man. She took a few deep breaths, but still seethed. 

“That boy has some explaining to do.” 

[thewholecrew]

kassy’s pov to this post here @deathvisited

     things had gone too far this time and she knew it yet she couldn’t stop, yet she still pushed against the help offered, horrified by the idea of rehab. she knew she’d gone too far, that he had found and got her to the hospital and yet she still couldn’t admit that anything was wrong. it had been an accident, she had had things under control every other fucking time, this had just been a slip up. it wouldn’t happen again. it wasn’t like she was trying to die. she didn’t like the pain that came along with it, the crushing compressions to her chest to bring her back. she just wanted the numbness to go away.

     but it hadn’t and she still felt it creeping through her body like a snake through tall grass, like a disease crawling desperately through her veins. that the only way to get rid of it was to flood it with something else. she could tell he was upset on the way home from the hospital and when they’d pulled up to his apartment instead of her own she looked at him sharply. “i didn’t pack any of my stuff? what are we doing here? what about my stuff? what about chromie? take me home first, why are we here?” she had spat out question after question only for sebastian to counter with reasonable replies that to her sounded like excuses. sounded like accusations. sounded like she wasn’t going to be able to take anything here. 

     she eventually went up though unwillingly and it wasn’t until he refused to give her alcohol or even more than two advil that she was fed up. she turned to leave but he blocked her, his movements quick yet calm and something about that just set her off. “get the fuck out of the way sebastian. i’m going home.” she demanded yet he didn’t move from her way, his arms at his sides before she screamed at him and tried to shove him. “i’m fine!” she lied, hardly believing it herself anymore (because at a time she really did believe it). still he wouldn’t budge and instead she decided to make a dash for the bar. in her right mind she’d’ve realized she had no chance against him. he darted from the door to scoop her up before she was more than three steps away.

     “LET GO OF ME!” she screamed, nails scratching and slashing as she kicked and squirmed in his arms. it was no use yet she couldn’t stop, not then, not after he had closed the door of the guest room behind him. fists banged against the door as anger and the addiction dug their claws deeper and she was seeing red, spewing her darkest thoughts and secrets. i’m sorry kassy she heard from the other side of the door. this is for the best. tears streaked her cheeks as her rage had her scream at him, vision blurred.

      “AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHAT’S BEST FOR ME? YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME! YOU FORGOT ALL ABOUT ME. I WAS THERE FOR YOU. THROUGH EVERYTHING AND THEN YOU LEFT ME. YOU LEFT ME.” the last sentence was forced through a screaming sob as she slid down the door, fists weaker in their banging.

      “you could have been here.... but no, that piece of shit broke your heart and you still chose him over me. you left me for him and then you just.. left. ran away. forgot about me. and STILL I TRIED TO BE THERE FOR YOU AND YOU DIDN’T--” she gasped through a sob, “I HATE HIM. I HATE YOU. WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST STAY AWAY THEN? WHY COME BACK ONLY TO HATE EVERYONE AROUND ME WHO WERE HERE WHILE YOU WEREN’T?!” another weak pound was heard against the door.

     “i just wanted you to be happy.... i wanted to make you happy... i wanted to be happy...” another sob escaped her as she curled up against the door. “and you would leave for months and months and take it all away... i just needed to feel... i needed to feel something... the numbness... i..” she sniffled, wiping her face with her arm before slamming her shoulder against the door as the rage once again took lead over her anguish.

      “you’re a HYPOCRITE. YOU SPENT YEARS GOING TO THOSE UNDERGROUND CLUBS AND GETTING BEAT TO SHIT, NOT CARING ABOUT YOURSELF, NOT CARING THAT OTHER PEOPLE STILL CARED ABOUT YOU. FUCK YOU, YOU THINK YOU HAVE ANY MORAL GROUND TO STAND ON? WHO ARE YOU TO KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR ME WHEN YOU DIDN’T LET ME DO A DAMN THING FOR YOU!? WHY DON’T I JUST LEAVE AND AVOID YOU SO I CAN PRETEND THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. WHY NOT LET ME DO THAT? THAT’S WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING SINCE YOU FUCKING GRADUATED.”

     at this point kassy was near hyperventilating, pushing herself to her feet as she grabbed whatever she could to throw at the door. first it was a book, then a decoration. “YOU’RE THE MOST SELFISH PERSON I’VE EVER MET.” she screamed as she took the lamp, yanking the plug from the wall before it shattered against the door. 

        “YOU’RE A SELFISH BASTARD SEBASTIAN ANTHONY MORROW!!”

[presidentstalkeyes]

In which I take Metal Gear lore and shove it into Psychonauts (Spoiler warning!):

Now, I've never played any of the Metal Gear games, but what I have been doing is reading a lot about Psycho Mantis, AKA Tretij Rebenok, and the nature of his psychic powers. As a child, his telepathy was so strong - and his own sense of self was so weak, being a child and all - that he was basically controlled against his will by others with strong emotions, particularly hatred. This came about after he discovered via his telepathy that his own father hated him and lashed out in a fit of rage, burning down his whole village, which I assume is what spurred on his 'emotional deadness' as a sort of defence mechanism. As an adult, he clawed back some independence and tried to use his powers for good by working as an investigator for the FBI, only to wind up adopting the personality of a serial killer after trying to read their mind, becoming the sadistic, kill-happy villain Solid Snake meets and ultimately kills in self-defence.

Given all the headcanons about Raz having a sense of hyper-empathy and how that contributes to the way he learns and utilizes his powers, I feel like something similar to what happened with Mantis is a very present danger in the Psychonauts-verse and why psychics like Sasha and Hollis place such high importance on self-control.

In particular, it might go a long way towards explaining how Lucrecia and Coach Oleander turned out. In Lucy's case, Ford mentions the experiments that the Psychic 7 performed 'unlocked every door in their minds', which I imagine involved heightening their connection to the Collective Unconscious and thus, their sense of empathy - and given the headcanons about Raz's hyper-empathy, it's possible Lucy's was already high to begin with. So when she went back to Grulovia and got involved with the Gzar, she found herself unwittingly getting deep into the Gzar's headspace and allowing his own personality traits to override her own - something she only snapped out of after the Valermo Dam disaster, at which point it was mixed up with the rage and despair of the thousands of Grulovians affected by the disaster. Not understanding where it came from, *that* became her new default mindset. In a twisted kind of way, she was lashing out against *herself* more than anyone else, the rest of Grulovia just got caught in the crossfire.

Then there's Oleander - I imagine one effect of the Psitanium at Whispering Rock was that it 'captured' the thoughts and emotions of everyone around it, and stronger negative feelings tended to overpower more positive ones. This effect was self-reinforcing, as people affected by it fed back into it and made it even stronger, and over time it became so strong that even non-psychics were affected, reaching its worst point when the asylum was founded. The Psychonauts managed to 'contain' it by sealing it under that glass floor, but it was still there. When Morry came along, over a hundred years' worth of anger, sadness and confusion reacted with all his pre-existing traumas and insecurities to, again, basically override his sense of self and turn him into a conduit for all those bad feelings.

Which also sorta explains why his world domination plan was so poorly thought out. How was he gonna get those brain tanks across the lake, again? :V

[nerd-at-sea5]

alright this is pt 3 to 'i spent my teens in rage, spiralin' in silence' AKA the long ass yellowjackets fic i'm writing, pt 1 is here, ao3 link here

and uh yeah. lets go pt 3

during any wilderness scene this takes place in-between s1e7 and s1e10, laura lee is alive

sorry it took so long to come out, i got in an accident and then had finals prep and stuff

also, fun thing to rember w this ch especially. jackie is not a bad person, she's insanely jealous of nat and its coming out in the worst way possible. that doesn't excuse her actions, but i hope it can help explain them.

“nat, please just-”

“no, no-lottie i'm not doing this shit!"

she turns away, but not before lottie grabs nat's wrist and pulls her bacm, "natalie."

"don't-" they start, shoulders dropping, "don't fucking do that. please, lot-just...just don't."

lottie sighs, "i'm worried about you. you woke up half the team at like three am, nat-you looked fucking petrified."

she feels nat loosen in her grip, can practically see the thoughts in their head, it's not like lottie wants to be having this conversation, she'd really like to just...not. it's not like she's ever been good at the feelings conversation-hell, normally natalie's one of the only people lottie can have a half decent feelings conversation with.

they're just as emotionally constipated as everyone else, yet it works. they don't lie to each other, they respect boundaries, and things have been really good. nat knows not to ask about the pills lottie takes quickly and quietly at every sleepover or the way her house is always empty, lottie knows not to ask about the flinches at loud bangs, or the scars that pepper nat's body. they talk about feelings when they need to, it may seem a little fucked but it works for them.

she's breaking an unspoken rule and it hurts, but she's genuinely afraid-not of natalie, but for her.

"you...you woke up screaming." they finally make eye contact, "just screaming, no words....van tried to grab you-they came running down the stairs, i think to hold onto you? you shoved them off, i didn't....i didn't know what to do-i'm sorry." she watches them swallow, hard. "you got up and it looked like you were going to take the gun. jackie yelled for travis and he came out before you grabbed it, van grabbed your wrists and forced you to sit down, then they just....sat there. you didn't look like you knew where you were."

"i did. i knew exactly where i was." natalie's eyes are blue, blue like the sky in the summer, the ocean during good swimming days, but right now they look like the blue of an ice shard, right before it pierces you.

"i was back in the fucking trailer park, watching my fucking dad-" they stop, and lottie lets her grip go slack, "nat...please. talk to me."

"why don't you talk to me?"

lottie blinks, stepping backwards, "what?"

natalie runs a hand through her hair, the ice hardening, "i mean-if it's unhinged for me to wake up screaming after all this shit-"

they gesture wildly around, while lottie interjects, "you've done it before we ended up here-"

“then it's sure as hell unhinged to smash your head into a window after speaking fucking french, lottie! i-i don't know what you think is wrong with me, but-but fucking check yourself first!"

"natalie!”

some part of lottie knows she doesn't actually mean it, and that it's a combination of anxiety and pent up anger that’s not aimed at her-it’s just coming out at her because she’s the only one who’ll confront nat (aside from van, but that’s always been different).

she’s worried about them, they’re worried about her. fuck, lottie's so worried about nat she can barley sit still when she and travis go out hunting.

and honestly she'd be lying to herself if she said she wasen't terrifed every passing day, she hates waking up and not knowing what's real or not, hates having to remember stupid coping mechanisms from years ago that don't fucking work, hate the way natalie and taissa look at her when she's staring into space, with worry and confusion. with pity. lottie hates it.

but nat's going to end up hurting themself, and even if nat ends up hating her for it, lottie is still going to keep trying to keep them safe.

"hey!" she stops them right before the entrance to the cabin, is vaguely aware that taissa and mari are now watching them intently, "you can't be a dick to me just because i give a shit about you, ok?”

natalie glares up at her, and lottie stares right back, “i'm not fucking going anywhere, so pull your head out of your ass and realize that i'm not trying to hurt you. i love you, you fucking idiot."

for a moment, lottie's worried nat's about to snap at her, insted she seems to deflate, like a predator after the pray slinks away, shrinking back into themself, and right as they start to rear up again and open up-

"TAISSA, NAT! PROBLEM-"

mari's voice comes screeching across the clearing, and for a second, lottie wants to slap her, right before she sees van-who's face is almost as red as their hair stumbling next to her, who's legs look like they're about to give out.

taissa's at van in an instant, natalie giving lottie a semi-apologetic look before they run over, lottie on her heels.

"mari what the fuck happened?" taissa looks three seconds away from grabbing mari and throwing her, but she's already grabbed van out of mari’s arms and is cradling them gently in her arms, and since travis is out with the shotgun, lottie thinks the worst thing that can happen is nat taking a swing at mari.

then she spots natalie’s face, sheer rage filling the blonde’s eyes, fingers twitching, and realizes just how bad natalie going at mari would be, lottie quickly grabs van’s legs, “inside. now.”

they put them on the same bed that they used when van was recovering from the wolf attack, and lottie gets a closer look at them.

van’s shirt is nearly soaking wet, yet their skin is dry and uncomfortably hot, even for lottie just laying a hand on them.

taissa removes her hand from their forehead, gently wiping van’s hair out of their eyes with shaky hands, “it’s ok, baby-you’re going to be ok.”

“they’ve got heat stroke.” coach ben says, slowly making his way into the room on his crutch.

shauna swears under her breathe as he continues, “look, sweating a lot but their skin is dry and hot. they keep blinking around like they don’t know what’s going on, and i bet if we asked them to talk their voice would be slurred.”

“so we cool them down right? dunk them in the lake or something…can’t be that hard.”

all of them turn to jackie, staring, and laura lee is the first to speak, “if they lose consciousness then we could drown them, and it’ll take to long to bring them over. they could be affected worse-”

“laura lee!” lottie yelps, nodding at taissa’s face, stricken with fear, natalie fights to keep her worry out of her eyes.

coach holds up his hands, “jackie’s kind of right, we need to cool them down, fast. take them into the other room and take off their upper layers. nat, lottie and tai go do that. shauna, jackie, javi and akilah go fill up as many bottles and anything else with as much water and bring it back ASAP. misty and mari come with me, mari is going to explain exactly what happened and misty is going to work with me to remember how to help. fast.”

for the first time since lottie can remember, everyone listens to coach with no hesitation. laura lee wasent given an instruction, but seeing as how she seems to know what she’s talking about, and seems to give off a relatively calm presence, lottie grabs her arm and hauls her into the other room with the rest.

by the time they’ve gotten van down to just a sports bra and boxers, javi comes sprinting into the room, stares at van for about three seconds before they roll their eyes and he blushes furiously, shoves the water at tai, “akilah and shauna are coming now.” before sprinting back out.

van groans from the makeshift bed, “was he checkin' me out?” their words are slurred and almost incoherent, but nat snorts and laura lee starts giggling, and soon the room is filled with soft laugher, lottie grins and watches tai smooth a wet cloth over van’s forehead while they sigh in relief.

“he so was…but like, you’re hot.”

“‘m burning hot."

lottie snickers, laying cloth over van’s arms while nat and laura lee do their legs, “seriously though, this is the third time?”

van gives a short jerk with their shoulders that make lottie and taissa grab the sides of their head in a panic.

“symptoms of heat stroke are also seizures…”

"laura l..lee i'm not havin' a fuck...ing seizure."

they spend the day like that, with water being routinely brought back and then soaked into cloth and onto van, until they seem able to stand, coach tells them it'll be around three days before van is back to normal, so they're exempt from chores.

later that night, lottie overhears a conversation she doesn't think is hers to hear.

she was intending to go inside, to try and talk to natalie again, but stops when she hear’s van’s voice close to tears.

“nat?” they’re met with a hum, “‘m i gonna die?”

there’s a creak as natalie shifts, then muffled as if pressed into van’s shirt, “no. no you’re not gonna fucking die, hear me? no.”

there’s a moment of quiet sniffling, before-“i don’t want to die.”

“me neither. we won’t, we’ll be old assholes who don’t let kids on their porch.”

“what about taissa and lottie?”

“well duh they’ll be there.”

van sniffs again, and lottie can see nat’s sad smile in her head.

“tell me something happy?”

there’s a moment of silence, and lottie intends to leave, but then,

"-lottie said she loves me."

nat's voice is low, soft and scared, it reminds lottie of a childs, but van's response is sure and truthful, still a little shaky.

"she does love you. do you love her?"

"yes!" the response comes instantly, and lottie can imagine van's smile.

"why don't you want to talk about That Day with her?"

van says 'That Day like a name, and lottie hears nat's sharp inhale.

"everyone i love gets fucked over. plus i thought this was supposed to be happy.”

"i'm not fucked over.”

"you got mauled by fucking wolves, van. my dad shot himself in the head-i'm a goddamn poison."

'you're not!' lottie wants to yell, wants to scream and shake natalie until they realize it. they're an antidote, a potion to heal and help, hide away from harm. she barley registers what nat's said about her father until van's already speaking again.

"bullshit. you love her, she loves you. you don't have to tell her until your ready, but know that she'll still love you no matter what. and fuck happy, we’re not gonna die that’s all i needed.”

"how do you know that?"

"you're not the only one with a great emotional intelligence."

"van, you're traumatized."

"so are you, hotshot."

later that night, when lottie feels nat slide into the blankets next to her, she pulls them in close, kisses their forehead and lets them cry into her chest.

when they fall asleep, she'll catch van's eye from the bed, a shaky smile while she whispers to the sleeping blonde.

"you've got all the time in the world, love."

---------

they never do talk about it, and things seem to be fine for a total of one grand day, before everything gets so much worse.

it's not like lottie is that surprised, she's seen nat's behavior and knows that everything from the past week was just a set up into an even worse spiral.

but she's mad, really fucking mad at herself. she knew, knew it was getting worse and that natalie wasn't ok, and she just let them lie to her. let them tell her she was fine.

sitting in the aftermath of it all is hell, because when lottie's watching nat curl in on herself and stay silent for hours on end, watch the spark in van's eyes vanish every time their eyes fall on her, lottie knows she could have stopped it.

she thinks back, the events of the day before coming to her mind as if she's watching them on tv.

they had enough food and things done that all of them decided to do whatever, weather it be chores or just play.

travis used it as a chance to take javi out and go foraging with akilah, melissa and gen, and (if javi's persistent asking wore him down, which it probably did, knowing both the boys) go for a swim in the lake.

shauna was off somewhere journaling (and lottie was half sure jackie was with her?) misty and crystal inside the cabin doing...some musical theater skit that lottie only knew because of the time natalie and van had dragged her and taissa to see their middle school preform it. taissa was splitting firewood near the creek.

mari was practicing with the shotgun, nat and van having what looked to be an intense discussion about.....movie soundtracks?

lottie wasn't sure, she was with laura lee, sitting in the comfortable silence that normally fell over the two when they were together.

there was a smattering of laugher from van that caught lottie's attention, and a proud smile from natalie-much smaller than the ones lottie was used to seeing.

the laugher faded as jackie stormed back into their clearing, mari's gunshots halting as she retreated back as well.

laura lee looked up, and lottie was about to ask if jackie was alright, when van jokingly shoved nat, and the blonde threw her arms out behind them to stay upright, "oh fuck you palmer!" accidentally hitting jackie in the leg.

looking back, lottie was sure if it was any other day with any other person it would have been fine. but jackie's emotions had been a rollercoaster since the campfire, and natalie's always been an inch away from breaking-these past few days, lottie thinks, closer to a centimeter.

"fucking hell, stop being a goddamn spaz, nat."

"the fuck did you just call me-"

"HEY!"

natalie surged up from her chair, and as lottie stands as well, van's futile attempt to put some space between the two of them fails as jackie steps forward, glaring at nat.

lottie's stomach drops. she want's to intervene, to halt whatever's about to happen, but she can't move, all she can do is watch the shattered ice in natalie's eyes slowly drift apart.

"what are you deaf?"

"says the girl who's so wrapped up in her own pathetic little life she can barley hear anything going on around her. like god, jackie-you don't help, you don't do anything."

something about the way natalie's voice dripped with venom, after each word lottie expected to hear her swear at jackie, but it never came. it put her in a weird sense of anticipation.

jackie's face twitched, "you're gonna end up just like your fucking fath-"

"FUCK YOU."

the brunette jolts backwards, slamming into shauna who had been walking over with her head in her journal, "woah-WOAH."

natalie grabbed onto jackie's collar, barley flinching at the knee jackie aimed at her stomach, but insted twisted, pinning the girl to the floor.

lottie flinched, turning her head to the side as a dull thud rang out.

when she opened them, jackie's nose was bleeding and so was natalie's lip, they pushed themself off of her as her mouth twisted into a painful smile. "do you really know what actually happened to my dad, jackie?"

"yeah," the confidance was back, soaking every word out of her mouth, "he got fucking drunk and the gun exploded. like a goddamn id-"

"mari give me the shotgun."

mari froze, "...no?"

"mari give me the fucking shotgun."

lottie had to give mari credit, she stepped back, "why?"

the smile that nat gave her wasn't happy. it had none of natalie's warmth. it didn't feel good or light, it didn't feel happy.

cold and dark, empty. it didn't feel like natalie.

"jackie wants to know what happened to my dad. i'm more than happy to show her."

"that's not what i-"

"MARI!"

mari flinched, and when nat moved at her, faster than expected, lottie yelled out-her cry falling to deaf ears as van stood up, shoulder checked mari, and punched natalie square in the nose with enough force to send her to the ground.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, VAN?!"

this time, lottie's voice caught attention, travis simply turning javi around and leading him back to the lake, jackie scrambling to her feet in shock as taissa rounded the corner, stopping short at the site of van's bloody fist, jackie's bloody nose, and natalie's bloody face (who was also swearing more than lottie had ever heard in her entire life at van, who looked startlingly calm). "i leave for half of a mother fucking-"

"get up."

van's voice was directed only to nat, the blonde obliged, and lottie watched the two of them for a moment before stepping forward-only for nat to shove van back, "i fucking want to don't you-"

they hit her in the chest this time, "i don't believe you."

and it repeated again.

van telling nat to stand, nat taking a swing, van knocking them to the ground.

no one could move, lottie's entire body screaming at her to but she couldn't, not until she was watching natalie's arm shake as she pushed herself back up, "no!"

before she realized what she was doing, lottie stepped between the two of them, "i don't know what you two are doing but you cannot keep doing it. i can't keep watching it!"

some part of her was aware she sounded hysterical, but frankly, lottie didn't really care.

when they had stopped, and when nat was curled under blankets hours later, van pulled lottie outside the cabin.

"look, i'm sorry for hitting her, she knows i am. but-but you've gotta trust me when i tell you that if i hadn't done that it would have been worse. and that sometimes it's better to get a couple of hits than a shot. they've done the same to me, more than once."

lottie nodded, she didn't think she'd ever be able to fully understand the relationship that the two had, but didn't mind.

van nods in return, "i love them, you know. not making it a competition, mine's different, but i do. i really do."

"she loves you a lot."

"i know."

she's sure nat thinks she's asleep when they shift, pressing their face to lottie's pajama shirt, twisting their hand in her blankets.

thinks she's asleep when they whisper, under the blankets, too quiet for anyone to hear, almost too quiet for lottie.

"i'm not gonna die, ever. i promise."

[captainderyn]

*raises hand excitedly* 5, 6, 19, 32 for Shep aske 👀

Whoo! Thank you for the asks for Ryn :D currently hopped up on caffeine because my dumbass thought it'd be a great idea to drink a ~latte~ this afternoon because I was tired so this might get a little rambly <3 lol

---

5. How well does Shepard know their crew? Not just the companions, but the folks making up the Normandy

Ryn makes a very strong attempt to know her crew well, including those who make up the non-core-team of the Normandy. For her, leadership is about building bonds with those who will be taking her orders and believes that trust and respect go both ways. So she knows everyone's names and makes a point to get to know them as more than just names and faces, even in ME2 when she's extremely shut down/withdrawn.

6. Initial reaction to EDI? Does it change?

Very suspicious tbqh. It doesn't help that when she's introduced to EDI she's already very overwhelmed and stressed because she's very recently "woken up" from Project Lazarus and is finding all the right-but-not-right things about being brought back (that's also another fic but...still not done ;--;). This includes the Normandy being the Normandy but...wrong. And now having EDI.

So for awhile she's not convinced the Illusive Man isn't using EDI to track their every move. But eventually throughout ME2 and into ME3 she warms up to EDI and they have a solid companionship. It breaks Ryn's heart to take the destroy ending at the end of ME3.

19. Are there any companions your Shepard just absolutely cannot vibe with or relate to

This is going to probably sound awful but Ryn doesn't truly connect with a lot of the ME2 companions. She doesn't let herself tbh/she's struggling too much with her whole resurrection and working with Cerberus. She's a very angry person in ME2 in a lot of ways and is very withdrawn into herself. She latches onto her familiar Garrus, Tali, and Joker for those she is closest to.

That being said, Jacob and Miranda catch the brunt of that coldness due to being the ones most directly involved in her being brought back/Cerberus. She eventually reaches acquaintanceship with both of them but they're never really friends (Honestly kind of the same with her and Samara, they respect each other professionally and that's really that).

She gets on a lot better with the ME3 crew, mainly because she's in a uh...not better place but reeling less from the whole death thing. That being said she has a very odd, sometimes strained relationship with James. Mainly because she's so stressed that his humor doesn't always land right with her.

(32 needs a readmore because I got a little rambly lmao)

32. What do they do when they have hit their limit angry, just incandescent with rage

Ooh okay so the thing about Ryn is that she keeps a very, very tight leash on her anger (and just about every very strong emotion that she faces when on duty) so when she starts to outwardly show it you know you've fucked up.

You can see her anger in subtle ways, her entire body tightens, she clenches her jaw, and her voice gets extremely clipped. In less subtly, her skin gets very blotchy with red/pink when she starts to get very angry.

It isn't really until ME2 and in the second half of ME3 that that control really slips from her grasp. In ME2 she lashes out a lot more verbally--snaps, really, gets short, tells the Illusive Man to fuck off. Even then her rage is focused inward and she usually releases it on her own through training or such.

Then when you push her enough, like when the Illusive Man lied about Garrus being Archangel, you get this:

Then it was Jacob who had pulled her off Miranda, when Ryn had finally snapped and shoved the Cerberus brat up against the wall, biotics snapping around her as she’d shouted that they had lied to her, making her believe she was alone.

Ryn gets very loud when she hits that limit of angry, like in ME3 when no one is listening to her about the danger of the Reapers, or in a-fic-I'm-still-working-on where her fitness for duty is called into question. She explodes, usually with yelling, and its probably because she keeps it so bottled up. Though I do want to reiterate this is not how she handled 98% of conflict.

Their “confidential talk” echoed throughout the crew deck. Penetrating the shuttered windows of the medbay and the sealed door as if Ryn was standing in the middle of the deck. [...] Ryn sat on the edge of the bed, face flushed a deep red that splotched down her neck. She clutched a crumpled piece of paper in her hand, held so tightly that her fingers were beginning to rip the material.

[13xwishes]

Best Friend Forever After { Ever After High🌙 - Drabble}

Secret Sandy Claws Event 2022 for my friend, Nakira! ( @sorcerymuses​ )

Whisp Grant & Apple White Friendship – Ever After High!Verse 🌙

It had only been a few days since the Dragon Games and how the Evil Queen’s plan had fallen hard. So many twists and turns while all of Ever After was at stake. Whisp herself had been rattled with everything with half of the time she had been under the Evil Queen’s control. She should have known something was wrong when she saw how Apple was behaving when the Dragon Games raised up. She remembered talking with her and Raven to her regarding her mother pressuring her to be the fairest.

Just because Snow White was the queen DIDN’T mean she was fairest in the land.

Whisp remembered confronting Apple about hanging out with the ‘new’ girl, Mira Shards, who turned out to be the Evil Queen in disguise. They argued when Apple insisted Raven had to spend time with her and Whisp accused her of trying to make her evil again. After that fight, the moon genie took the wrong turn and then she blacked out.

Then the next thing she knew she was being shoved out of the window by APPLE!

It took a while for Whisp to calm down afterwards and find the blonde princess after she remembered how Faybelle tricked her into being enslaved by the queen. She had to remind herself to THANK the fae for the ambush later.

Whisp had first found Cerise with two dragons and by the time they found Apple… she was too late.

Seeing the blonde princess laying in the coffin… made something break inside the former shadow. And worse when Daring’s kiss did nothing to wake her, proving she was right about him being her ‘true love’. Whisp wished she would have taken it back, wanting to be wrong. At that moment, something made her snap wanting to hurt the Evil Queen. The thoughts and feelings made her grow angrier… and angrier…

The moon djinn found herself with Cerise attacking the Evil Queen on the dragons. Phenomenal cosmic powers or not, she wanted her to hurt so much and made sure to fire as hard as she could with her magic. The Evil Queen had her matched off with Whisp only driven by rage. She only was able to get balanced thanks to Raven coming to her senses.

The battle was fierce and when Apple was seen revived, Whisp’s anger grew in determination to help fight not for a friend’s death but to help her ally in battle. Thanks to a turnabout trick up their sleeves, Raven and Whisp managed to trap the queen back into the mirrorverse and end her tyranny in Ever After once again.

However, to no one’s surprise, the incident only pushed Milton Grimm to blame not only Raven but Whisp for truly being evil. Only this time, different voices were heard around the school…

“Stop it! Leave them alone!”

“If they wanted to destroy us, they would’ve done it by now!”

“They saved the school!”

Neither the princess nor the djinn expected the school to stick up for them. It was a turn of events and instead they cheered for them when they were able to help with their magic.

Then Cerise did the most selfless thing: her last wish she would do for Whisp.  

The genie had been looking for a means to escape ever since day one, after all of what the school put her through especially with Milton, she could take the escape with no problem.

But then she thought about all the good things. Slowly being accepted by the rebels, some of the royals warmed up her up such as Lizzie and Ella. Raven and Whisp practicing magic and pranking Faybelle and Dutchess. Growing close with Cerise and falling for each other.

And slowly but surely, accepting Apple into her eternal life.

She just could not leave.

“I…” Everyone listened in as Whisp gave into her feelings and spoke her true wish. “I want to stay!”

And with that, Cerise made her wish. “I wish for Whisp’s freedom! Releasing her to stay in Ever After High!”

The wish was granted in a flash of white. After the lantern fell to the ground, losing its golden glow, Whisp was able to pick it up with no problem as her shackles faded to dust. She looked around to see the students, royal and rebel, teachers and her friends smile. She was here to stay.

Whisp was freed.

A party was thrown for the dragon games and the school being saved from the Evil Queen. All of Ever After showed up to celebrate and Whisp found herself socializing more than she had ever in her eternal life. Most were greetings, some were ‘thank you’ and some people apologized for their behavior before.

It’s almost as if the first day had never happened and the genie had… a second chance.

After having a moment with Raven and Cerise, Whisp spotted Apple from the corner of the room by herself. She excused herself before slowly going over to the princess. A small ‘hey’ was exchanged between them before they were both reluctant to speak. The last time they saw each other was a fight and neither had actually said anything else since. Still, they could not be mad at each other anymore… not after everything that had happened.

Before Whisp could give in to the guilt stewing in, it was Apple who broke the silence.

“I’m so sorry.” Apple pleaded when she hugged herself for comfort, knowing the genie didn’t like to be touched.

Seeing the action only made Whisp feel even more guilty and the genie let her wall down to be completely honest. “No… I’m the one who’s sorry. I should not have shut you out so quickly. I know you knew better. I should have realized something was wrong.” The genie said.

Apple shook her head in denial. “But I still let the Evil Queen get to you. If it wasn’t for me letting her out, none of this would’ve-“

“Stop!” Whisp couldn’t take it anymore before she held Apple by the shoulders with a pleading look of her own. “You have already put enough blame on yourself already. From the Spring Unsprung incident, you’ve made up for it time and time again showing the kind of person you GENUINELY want to be. You chose to be a good person and I see that. Everyone does. And I’m not just going to let my best friend keep pinning the blame on herself when she nearly perished!”

That line froze everyone in the party room who listened.

“You…. you’re… best friend?” Apple nearly choked out, comprehending what the genie said

“Best friend?!” The other royals and rebels shouted.

“Is yelling really necessary?” Whisp stated sarcastically with a raised eyebrow before she turned to the white princess. “Yes, I’m proud to say that Apple White is MY best friend… as weird as it sounds.” She added with a foreign tone, though Apple caught on to the small smile she gave. She resisted the urge to gasp  knowing that this was a side Whisp rarely showed.

Lips trembling, Apple couldn’t help but shudder with a sob. Whisp did care. Whisp accepted her not just as a friend, but as her BEST friend. She covered her face to cry not in sorrow, but in happiness. Apple didn’t see the awed looks from her fellow students in Ever After before she felt an arm around her shoulder and she leaned in, knowing she was crying on the genie’s shoulder.

Whisp kept her sincere smile as she let Apple have her moment. “It’s all right… I’m all right, we’re all still here.” she whispered sincerely, rubbing Apple’s shoulder in comfort as red eyes saw the looks from the corner. Some of the rebels gave the two friends tender looks, the royals looked a bit hesitant but slowly accepted. Daring had a stand-still look on his face but turned away respectfully. Raven and Cerise were the ones who smiled the most, knowing their history.

Deciding the moment was enough, Whisp pulled away as Apple rubbed her eyes. “Okay, enough now. Inside like a winner, remember?”

“Sorry.” Apple apologized, with a small chuckle.

“Still… thank you.” Whisp said with a calm tone.

“For what?” Apple questioned.

“Well for basically forcing me to be your friend.” Whisp admitted.

Apple smiled. “You wanted to be friends with me, too. You just didn’t know it yet.”

“Yeah, well…” Whisp shrugged awkwardly.

“You jumped out of a window for me.” Apple recalled.

“You PUSHED me.” Whisp corrected with an annoyed tone.

“I shoved you.” Apple agreed but with a laugh. “Hard too.”

Whisp raised an eyebrow, letting out a chuckle of her own but held a look that clearly said, ‘don’t push it’. Regardless, Apple wasn’t affected at all, the joy in her heart to see her ‘best friend’ alright.

And she was here to stay in Ever After.

Shaking her head, the genie couldn’t help but admit one more thing. “But really… Thanks for not giving up on me. At this point… I don’t think I could imagine my life without you.”

Apple couldn’t help but smile, holding her hands over her heart over the words. She didn’t resist any longer and leaped into the moon genie’s arms, hugging her for all that was worth. At first, Whisp froze in place and let the princess hug her but… remembering all that happened since their first sleepover from seeing her come back to life…

…Whisp found herself slowly but surely hugging Apple back. Apple smiled brightly before she leaned into the embrace even more. Briar did the honorary thing to take a picture, knowing Apple wanted to savor the moment and treasure it for later.

“Welcome back.” Whisp said softly, gently leaning her head against Apple’s shoulder.

The princess could only smile, holding her best friend for as long as she could. “Welcome home.”