#she keeps deadnaming me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theshadowrealmitself · 11 months

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On the topic of gender thoughts, one thing that’s been difficult to explain to cis people who’ve never really thought of gender before is that I always specify “genderfluid” rather than saying “nonbinary” (they ask for some reason) because in my own understanding of my gender, it doesn’t fit very well, because even tho I do have many days where I’ll feel nonbinary or agender, I also have many days where there’s very much a binary gender going on

And they just. Stare at me like I’m explaining calculus to them.

#university has been a kind of hell #where everyone keeps asking me what my deadname is #and the girl who sits next to me in one of classes keeps calling me it even tho I introduced myself to her with my lived name #I don’t even know how she got my deadname #university has been hell #no fandom #genderfluid #gender crisis

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manaosdeuwu · 7 months

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crying throwing up the people at the big company are so nice to meeee >_<

#one of the coaches stopped me today to apologize for using she/her for me on some occassions bc he didnt know i was using he/they 😭#girl I didnt even register that nor do I really care about what pronouns ppl use for me at work... but thats so sweet...#thinking of asking them if changing my deadname on all platforms is doable.#probably wont ask since its the name i have on my id and it must be easier for paperwork n stuff to keep the same one in the system #being trans at work and only having a partial worksona feels so weird. slash pos ?#nero habla

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purpldawne · 2 months

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actually wait that poll unlocked a fuckin memory and i feel like talking about it so‼️

( not tmi or anything but in case this gets long or you don't wanna read it im putting a page break here LMAO )

ok so on my 18th birthday, my grandparents REALLY wanted to go to dinner to celebrate. i didnt really wanna, but i got to dress up so i said fuck it. this was around when debates over trans women in sports were first brought to the mainstream ( as far i know ) right. so we're sitting there in the restaurant, im eating my cake, and my grandfather starts going off about how they're letting men compete against women and how unfair it is and shit. WHILE WE'RE CELEBRATING MY BIRTHDAY. IN FRONT OF ME. THEIR GNC GRANDCHILD. WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF WITH MASCULINE TERMS EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM. LOUDLY. it's been two years and i STILL can't believe the audacity. like YOU invited ME out to dinner and start talking that shit?? if they weren't family and we weren't in public i would have told em to shut the fuck up

#they STILL talk about this stuff at family gatherings too apparently #i always keep to myself til we leave but my ma has told me they complain about people demanding you use the right pronouns or whatever #and god bless her soul she tried to be like 'actually its not that hard even if you cant tell because you shouldn't assume' and #'if they tell you how to refer to them its just basic human decency to respect that'#no clue how they took it since i wasnt there but they just ended the conversation after that 😭😭#god dont even get me started on my uncle #hes awful and clearly mentally unwell and obviously really old #we have a family friend who had two moms right. they never tried to hide it and didnt really acknowledge it as anything weird. bc it wasnt.#my uncle is the one that introduced us so clearly he knew their mom was gay #and he did #he never said anything about it while we were kids out of fear of making us gay or smth #but at the last family gathering he was updating me on what was going on with them cuz we havent seen em in a while #and he told me that their daughter had apparently gotten a boyfriend #which is great! im really happy for her #but my uncle was like 'yeah i was getting worried because of ( one of her mothers names ) being. . . you know?'#and i was???? flabbergasted?????? esp because of personal things with their parents he was JUST telling me about #this is the same guy who after 20 years STILL cant spell my deadname right. not relevant just still so fucking funny to me #but yeah he laughed when he said it and everything like he was making a funny joke #tbf there is smth so insanely comedic about telling your butch niece you were afraid someone 50 years younger than you liked other women #just because her mom did #crazy shit

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dismalzelenka · 10 months

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#today i had a pianist during a rehearsal go “wow your voice you just have so much natural talent i mean some people really work for years—”#and i kinda snapped #and i was polite but also i unloaded the entire story of the last thirteen years in the cosmic joke that is my life #this lady got thirteen years of trauma in a twenty minute speed run #she Learned Things today about existential despair and the societal clusterfuck that is the Trans Experience #and how that intersects in the classical singing world in an incredibly challenging and fucked up way #and how i went from scooting under the door into a voice program with seven lessons under me #and then three years later proceeded to fling myself into a testosterone fueled vocal puberty in the midst of a professional singing degree #and lost the respect and support of most of the vocal and choir faculty because everyone thought i was committing professional suicide #if it werent for my own voice teacher (who at some point became the mother figure I'd never had) keeping me afloat i would not be here #i have c-ptsd from the shit i went through in the choir department #i had to drop out of school for a semester because my body just folded under the stress #i started getting migraines severe enough i was hospitalized twice with stroke-like symptoms #two weeks ago i had a former teacher from the early days deadname me in front of our colleagues #she tried to play it off as no big deal and it just reminded me no matter how successful i become in this field #no matter how much work i put in to overcome my past #its always going to come back and find me through people who refuse to learn respect #and somehow! im still here! im making a living in the field i trained for #how many people in my generation in the arts degree sector can say that?? by some metrics i am thriving but jesus goddamn #i clawed and fought and bit and dragged myself to where i am right now and had to find my voice TWICE and the worst part is #she meant well #the pianist i mean #and i was polite when i told my story but it was so important to me that she understood #no amount of talent would have gotten me here without sleepless nights and long hours and blood and sweat and tears and you know what #maybe i am a better person for it but dont compliment me by implying i have some inherent gift from a god i dont even believe in #dont tell me your god put me in this place to teach other people compassion #i didnt brush the door of death as many times as i did for the sake of someone else's enlightenment #its been a long 13 years. hell its been a long 2023. in the last eleven months ive had a fundamental upheaval #of everything i thought i knew and understood about myself #so yea im standing at the gate to hell looking the devil in the eye. try me bitch. ive endured worse.

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cat-tranzer · 2 months

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ugh i kinda wanna get back on tumblr and rot my brain out some more

#i’d probably mostly just still bitch about my family tho #and then dish n overthink on the polycule expansion pack that just dropped #kink club tales abound #didn’t see that one coming #still unemployed #broker than ever #paranoia is consistently present but manageable #social anxiety is getting lesser every day tho!! making friends is awesome and cool and epic #okay time to bitch about the fam #the level of misogyny/transmisogyny is ASTRONOMICAL since my moms bf moved in #like he’ll deadname/mispronoun ems and he didn’t even meet her until #until recently and she’s been transitioned for over two years like buddy you do not get the benefit of the doubt with a little ‘slip up’#here. you are being a malicious piece of shit on purpose!!!!! at least don’t be a pussy about it!!!!!!!#also big kudos to my mom on sharing ems dead name. really fucking classy.#my cats and my girls tie my sanity together with a spider’s spinner #thin and invisible they weave the net around me to keep me safe until i can pluck up the courage to get us the fuck out of here #should be able to pass a drug test soon so that opens up my application options a lot. i feel confident that i’d be able to hold myself #together long enough to get enough cash to put a security deposit down somewhere in the city #extra friends means the chance for roommates too!!!!!<333 #only if i can be chillin in the nude in front of them tho. chances now are looking dece lol #ugh i’ve been manic dramatic for long enough tonight #hopefully it’s only the void i’m screaming at. i’m so damn lucky to have all that i have rn. especially the friends.#stick together with your local faggots and trannies always #ALWAYS<33 #signed dogweed

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calenhads · 2 years

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TLOU OC | THE BLACK DOG OF BOSTON

sometimes the short end of the stick is the sharpest sometimes the only road to take is the darkest sometimes all you gotta say is “daddy, make it go away” sometimes the only way out is as a carcass

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#meaghan talks #hi mutuals are you awake #my horrible little blorbo my creature who has been wreaking havoc in my mind #sometimes in life your wife and daughter turn and you have to kill them but then some freak teenagers try to rob you several years later #and you have to be like are you kidding me. you are going to get killed if you keep doing such a shit job of thievery #here let me teach you how to not suck major ass at this #he scavenges shit outside the qz and brings it in to trade with anyone who will pay for it or give her something of value #worth noting in her design that she is supposed to have an eye patch and also look older #but pinterest is an evil place with no old people #they have a great number of fake names of course #and kieran is just another one of those but it's basically their real name at this point #he's very fond of it #but people who knew him pre-outbreak most likely call him murph since that was her fake name at the time #she just decided to turn it into a last name once she came up with kieran instead #no deadname no agab that's none of my business you and i both just have to be fine not knowing #tlou oc #oc: kieran murphy #edits

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t4tstarvingdog · 10 months

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arguably one of the most. well-adjusted (<- sarcasm moment) things about me is the little mental spreadsheet i have in my head at any given time about how each of my family members would react to me coming out to them as queer, specifically trans though because honestly. that's the only one actually relevant.

#anyways i think eventually my mom would be willing to talk to me despite maybe being the most anti-transgenderism #(<- specifically my transgenderism because uhhhh mutilating myself i think)#because she keeps reaching out to my brother (<- known queer married to a known queer woman)#(<- estranged himself from our family {cough. parents.} because of how they raised us / homophobia etc)#so i truly think eventually she'd reach out and in theory i'd be willing to settle for that #even though i would feel so guilty because it would hurt her so bad if i was trans and queer #but it would hurt her worse if she lost another kid because of it #so. hard to say #anyways absolutely hilarious to meeeeee that my mom (<- arguabbly my most issues) is the one most likely to still talk to me afterwards wit #love. like my dad probably wouldnt cut contact but i do think he would be the most deadnaming #though my mom would be the most ohh but you're such a beautiful girl #anyways. i am playing with my family like dolls in my head #tw transphobia #timothy's txts.

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starsnhiseyes · 4 months

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My grandmother has an air fryer a Roku a smart TV a Fire Stick & 2 Stanleys and Im just like... Hello ?

#Also bizarre: she keeps saying that red states are backwards and they need to learn to live and let live #And to stop being so intolerant #And generally implying progressive ideology and how you must change with the times and keep up #But she also keeps misgenderimg and deadnaming me. Unsure how to proceed

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xiaofiaan · 4 months

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my mom telling me how she's been so supportive and how dare i try and assume otherwise as if i don't explicitly remember her throwing stuff and dragging my best friend into a full blown fight when i came out to her at the ripe age of 12 years old

#and calling me a misogynist for being trans 💖 and asking me not to change my name legally and let jack be a ''nickname'' and only going #back on that when she realized i was going to do it with or without her permission and saying i look like a ''chick'' no matter what i do #or say and keeping my deadname up on the walls of our home and calling me selfish for wanting them taken down and saying i don't get #hatecrimed or called slurs and that I'm exaggerating and not to call my deadname my Deadname because it's disrespectful to her #but also she wanted to choose my name and hates the name jack and and and and and and and [fucking explodes]

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kelpiemomma · 1 year

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God, I had one (1) candid conversation with my mother and now she keeps telling everyone that I have no filter. Not my brother, who never watches his language and talks about going off on park rangers and road raging and how he was gonna punch the guy dropping a package off at our house for almost running into him. Not my brother who mutters shit under his breath in front of my parents, who throws fits when he gets scolded even though he's 31. Not my brother who barely has a filter at work by his own admission.

Me. Who doesn't curse in front of my parents. Who always watches what I say so I don't start a fight. Who admitted to my parents there are things I'd like to tell my brother but don't so I don't come off sounding like another parent to him.

I am the one who doesn't have a filter.

#My parents: we're not conservatives #Also my parents: watch Fox news. Believe the law was out to get trump. Who once told me if I was #Trans or enby they'd deadname me because they 'know me better'.#My mom actually said to me during our Candid Conversation that she'd hope I'd pay more attention to her #'words and actions' and not what media she consumed #But this is coming from the lady who got upset there was a black trans man working with a gay Mexican and white guy on TV #Alongside my dad who has said he doesn't mind lesbian relationships on tv when they're 'not shoved in his face'#I'm just. I don't WANT to have a filter but I'm genuinely afraid of what would happen if I didn't.#I live with them. My horses are kept in the backyard.#If I could afford to keep my horses elsewhere & move out I would absolutely have less of a filter #Ugh. I'm tired.#Delete later

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idledreams4 · 5 months

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I know I'm spending too much time on Tumblr cause y'all just call me Harlenn

I just got caught off guard when someone who I know keeps calling my by my dead name did exactly that.

I'm so used to hearing the name I want to that I got blindsided and also it's making me re-evaluate my friend choices...

#like I get that its a little harder to get used to calling someone you've known for 7+ years by a new name #(as opposed to people who've known me for all of a month lolol)#but good friends at least make an effort....#or I feel like they should #how many times have I told them now that Im enby? i have a choker with the trans and enby flags on it and they keep commenting on that #they keep asking about the bigender pin on my backpack #so I feel like AT THE BARE MINIMUM using they/them for me shouldn't be that difficult #hell call me an “it” like my brother probably would if he weren't so insistant that I am a “she”#just something other than the constant deadnaming and entirely incorrect pronouns #idle speaks #queenie rambles #(if you're curious as to why I have trans enby and bigender things its bc I have no clue what the gender is half the time)#i usually tell people Im nonbinary because its a general term and easier to explain/more accepted than being bigender #i could probably get away with saying Im genderfluid but it just doesn't really feel right to me #it works if Im talking about the whole system #but not to much for me on my own #and then there's that constant question of “am I just trans and haven't figured it out yet?”#but that's pretty quickly followed by “no but sometimes I like being a girl so that can't be it”#idk #gender is weird #confusion

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toomuchdickfort · 10 months

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Vent abt smth that gets on my Nerves

#tried bringing up to mom like. hey how could I bring up coming out to family. and she was like visibly uncomfortable so I was like dw I’m no #gonna like try to ruin Christmas with it or some shit I’m just. nervous u see. and I’m sat there anxiety rambling abt it because oh my god.#and she pulls out the fucking. ‘can’t you just be a person?’ mom I am a person already. the problem is. the PROBLEM IS. EVERYONE THINKS I AM #AND THUS TREATS ME AS A GIRL. like oh my god.#vent #it’s not a huge vent like if it comes up I’m not gonna Lie moms discomfort abt the matter be damned.#but like. ‘can’t you just be a person’ is what she says every fucking time it comes up. like mom. mother. mi madre. do you realize how much #of an insult that feels like when you say it EVERY TIME I bring up trans anxieties. or dysphoria. or any of the ways my transness affects my #life. like being trans doesn’t make me less of a person oh my god. but also frankly I don’t have the patience to be nice about getting into #things and I don’t have the heart to hurt her about it and even if I did have one of those I don’t have the patience to hold her hand #through all this shit. like I gave up having mom on this journey ages ago do you know how painful it is to un-give up on something that #immense. it’s hard and it hurts and it burns and it’s like. giving up to begin with didn’t hurt too bad- it’s cutting off the festering #wound. but. but then. you find out that. you can in fact work with that. and suddenly you have to try and clean the wound. care for it and #wrap it and do it all over again. and god it hurts. and. I’m not entirely sure I want to un-give up all the way on this? it’s. a lot #like I get and I appreciate that she’s trying to do. something. in theory at least. she avoids the subject when I bring it up and all but #cringed when I brought up coming out to her side of the family. she calls me my deadname and her daughter more than she did before she said #she would try. and I don’t have the energy to uncover that wound enough to start cleaning it. I’m just letting it sit there because frankly #it’ll be such a huge thing because it’s Always a huge thing when I don’t let the subject drop mega fast and I’m. I know she’s not gonna cut #me off for just being trans but GOD I want to keep ONE of my parents in my fucking life when I’m able to stand on my own two feet holy shit #and. man. it appears this is. still more of a thing than I thought it was. thats. annoying and inconvenient

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valen-dreth · 2 years

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#AAAAAAHHHHHH this is a deeply personal complaint but i need to get it somewhere and off my chest #is it. supposed to be so frustrating. being an adult and having a mother.#its like she doesnt realize how out of touch she is with my current life like she still thinks i like things from when i was a child.#like i get it. i do. but im also fucking 25 next month you cant seriously think i still care abt disney shit #AND YET shes still like 'oh you love monsters inc/stitch/elvis!!' like. its ok i guess but im not that person anymore.#again. im not 5 anymore!!!! its not even like i hide my interests from her im very open about the Things I Like Now #i havent even mentioned stitch or elvis or whatever the fuck to her in years. i have pretty solidly defined interests now #you dont have to resort to things i cared about 20 fucking years ago #im sure it has to do with her refusing to recognize me as Fawkes. like this HAS to be her way of trying to keep (DEADNAME) alive #(shes coming to visit today im not really excited about it)

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specialshinytrinkets · 2 years

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This egg lives in my head rent free they're so fun to draw mwah mwah kissing them

(Awakened Spirits/Villain!Matilde AU co-written with @spideygal)

LORE DUMP UNDER THE CUT:

So in this AU, Grave hadn't reached the point of being called that. But had gotten to the cemetery bruger business, which drove them. insane

The guilt was still building up, but instead of recognising themself as the victum of unfortunate situation... Mat thought they deserved everything that happened to them, and that them cutting up strays is the proof that they had been the monster all along. That they were selfish and too full of themself to the point of being actively dangerous

And, in a frenzy, hopped into the Underworld, as they thought they were "unworthy" of the living world

(The blur is unrelated sketch lmao)

There, they were able to force ghosts into silence and control them via singing (music will forever be part of Grave, no matter the AU — the urge to sing is everywhere), and as the ruler gains this super awesome form!! (If only it alligned with their actual gender, and not assigned one...)

Nobody recognised Mat as missing. So the villainy could be done in peace, right? But it wouldn't be fun without a certain someone entering the scene

Rob accidentally walks onto cemetary territory and bumps into Mat, who offers him a truce as two villains. Rob agrees, but with a condition: if Matilde helps him get rid of Gumball, he'll join, as it will be a proof of M's capabilities

...

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Things... go out of hand. Mat manages to lure Gumball into an empty gym. And just like in the song above, cuts out Gumball's heart as a trophy of sorts

Rob is shocked by how cold-blooded the murder was. To just go up and do that..? That didn't sit right with him. He was going to work with this much of a savage??

Fortunately, the World recognises that Gumball is gone, so it resets to the point before that happened. But Rob remembers... And stops Matilde from killing Gumball again

Mat sees this as betrayal. If Rob doesn't want them to do his bidding and outright says the deal doesn't exist anymore... Could he be trusted in the first place?

Now Mat has a rivalry of sorts with Rob. They want to eliminate Gumball, Rob wants to protect Gumball. And Gumball isn't aware of this happening behind their back

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lightningfilledsaber · 2 years

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I can and will make everything about being trans

#mud rambles #thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog #the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week #ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point)#but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl #all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as #my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to #call me by my correct name #so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be #attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought #that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point #im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore #and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it #especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a #year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard #it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life #idk idk like i said this has been hard for me #im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here #ask to tag #oversharing #abuse mention #abuse ment #mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO

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biteyourcrush · 2 years

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Well, guess Hope’s not the only one excited that Joy’s back-

“Joy Johnson-Johjima I am coming to collect TWENTY DOLLARS from you for HEINOUS RANTS that I have heard coming from you person during certain events held in the haunted manor!”

Oh... oh no, Zoe has not forgotten about the time-loop Prank Masterz route rant.

#ic #sanguine humour : vicky schmidt #shipper on deck : zoe #bippity boppity boops : joy johnson-johjima #spkyscry #zoe be like 'yeah okay i know you're 'traumatized' from having to loop time so many times to keep the old me from destroying the world #but you don't have to DEADNAME ME like thirty times in a row over it! gosh!'#this is also all very much /j obvs zoe holds no real grudge #she just wants to make her sweat a little

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