#she sits like a meer cat

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

I think Parsley wants something from me

[alltheworldsinmyhead]

read on ao3

*

If anyone asked Kaz where the difference between Race Days in the refined Van Meer Circuit betting halls and Race Days in his decidedly less-refined betting hall in the Barrel lays, he would say that it boils down to the finery of the clothes. Men behave much the same in both, waving kruge bills above their heads and flocking underneath scoreboards, making fools of themselves.

Women are customarily absent.

However, the Van Meer Circuit outside of its betting halls is, truth be told, not a place where most people come to watch horses – in its essence, it is the kind of place where people come to watch other people. In all his years in Ketterdam, Kaz has not been able to find a better stage. Any sort of vaguely interesting thing that happens here immediately creates ripples in the whole city.

When Kaz offers Inej his hand to help her out of the seat of the carriage, he can hear the buzzing of onlookers all around them. Some ladies try to be discreet and peek at the pair above the edges of their fans, and some men pretend not to be looking at all, busying themselves with their cigars.

But he knows they’re looking. They are all looking – the attendees, the staff, the jockeys walking around the grounds already dressed for the race. And he cannot say he blames them.

Horse races are a frivolity, but respectable merchers’ wives still stick to their black, their stiff collars and even stiffer updos comically contrasting with the width of their crinolines. Their wealth is a hidden one, subtly showcased in their wedding rings and the delicate lace of the shawls with which they cover their shoulders. When Inej stands beside them, she looks every inch of what Heleen advertised her to be:  an exotic daydream, a wisp of a woman sticking out of the crowd so outlandishly that she doesn't look real at all. Just a fantasy. Just a dream.

Against Kaz’s usual black, she shines in soft yellow, thousands of beads swirling in the elaborate geometric details of her skirts and reflecting light with her every movement. There are white ostrich feathers on her hat, matching the gloves she slipped on during the ride. And her neck – the swanlike line of it – is on full display with her hair up and the high collar of her jacket cut diagonally in the middle, exposing the hollow of her throat

The second she takes his arm and raises her head to smile at him, Kaz can almost hear the jealousy coursing through the veins of every other man present. The funny thing is, Inej would not look that out of place in the rainbow-hued crowds of the Barrel or the Staves. She’s not wearing anything scandalous, even by rigid higher-class standards. It is not the clothes themselves that are scandalizing; it is these clothes here and now, worn by undoubtedly the most stunning woman in attendance – who is also irritatingly, undeniably Suli. The juxtaposition of it all. The audacity.

It’s the amber-encrusted choker on her neck and the strategic wisps of hair falling out of the elaborate crown the maid has braided her hair into, wisps that just beg the eyes of the onlookers to gape at every inch of her exposed skin.

With Inej’s hand resting on the crook of his elbow, they begin circling through the crowd. Kaz dips his hat occasionally and Inej lowers her head in small bows, but they do not exchange any greetings. Not many people here would dare to jeopardize their dignity by actually talking to Kaz, even though they have no problems betting on his horses and sitting in his seats. Usually they only steal glances at him, but today they all just stop and stare. Kaz eats up each and every pair of eyes like a cat feasting on a fat pigeon.

The first person they actually talk to is Albert Hess, a small, constantly sweaty man who is Kaz’s personal favorite brand of idiot: just smart and wealthy enough to be worth spending some time cultivating the connection, but not so smart or wealthy to become any sort of threat. Hess is also new money, and thus automatically a sort of natural ally against the stiff and unbroken front of Ketterdam’s old money families.

“Brekker.” He offers his hand, which Kaz shakes with no hesitation. He tries not to think about the thin layer of perspiration Hess’ touch will surely leave on the skin of his gloves.

“I heard the news, but it has not done your new wife justice. What a beautiful creature you are, my lady.” Hess’s eyes slide up and down Inej’s figure as though he could not possibly take in the sight of her. Kaz feels her arm slither from under his as she takes hold of her voluminous skirts to properly curtsy.

How does she even do it? These damn feathers on her hat don’t even fucking tremble when she bows her head.

“Thank you. That’s very kind of you, sir.” The apples of Inej’s cheeks redden a bit as she smiles at Hess, and her eyes crinkle. The man seems too stunned to speak.

Kaz wonders, not for the first time, how none of these fucking men seem to be able to see through what is essentially just a very well-played act. Are a pair of lovely, dark eyes, a rather pleasing shade of skin, and a length of shiny hair enough to render their brains useless, is it all that it takes? Desire truly makes everyone stupid.

Kaz has perhaps never been more thankful than now, after acquiring a wife, that his own affliction cured him of this particular weakness.

“Yes, she is very pretty indeed. Did you come here to bet, Hess?”

As Kaz carefully tries to steer the conversation toward convincing Hess to bet on The Dawn (and lose quite some money in the process), Inej reaches inside a small green purse hanging from her wrist and procures a fan.

When she opens it, the sound feels like a slap.

Hess’s eyes simply – slip from Kaz’s face, as though pulled by an invisible magnet, latching onto Inej’s delicate wrist bones moving underneath the white silk of her glove, watching as she begins to slowly fan herself.

“I have to admit, I do not know much about horses, certainly not as much as my husband,” she says slowly, letting the fan edge briefly caress her cheek. “However, it would certainly make me very happy if you did bet on this horse. He ate an apple from my hand this morning, and I must admit I am very fond of him. And his mane matches the shade of my dress!”

She giggles and snaps her fan shut again. Hess flinches slightly; he has a faraway look on his face, as if concussed.

“So it would be a great wedding gift for me if you put your money on him. Would you be so kind, sir?”

*** read more on ao3 *** 

[where-poets-go-to-die]

Polyamorous BokuAkaa Headcanons bc this is self indulgent!! Mostly!!

CW: marriage & children (both hypotheticals and kids are only very briefly touched on)

Bokuto and Akaashi invited you into their relationship

First Bokuto off-handly told Akaashi that he thought you were cool and attractive

It took Akaashi about a month before he was like: "Okay. I agree. But why did you bring that up?"

"What if we tried a polyamorous relationship with them! :D"

"Well, we'd have to discuss it with them and ease them into it. And that's only if they want to do it."

So imagine your surprise when Bokuto loudly declares that he and Akaashi want to pursue a relationship with you

Like,, homie has no chill and sees no point in beating around the bush

Now let's get into romantical highschool hcs:

If you're a manager, please give them lil good luck hugs and/or kisses before practice matches or games if you aren't on the court

If you aren't, Bokuto is going to try to get you to come to any game they play and Akaashi, despite being a little stoic, will probably blush a lil bit and agree with Bokuto

Study!Dates!

Jus trying to help Bokuto with his calculus homework and anything else

Bokuto def gets really slouchy and whiney during really long study sessions so he's usually leaning on either you or Akaashi as he asks if you can take a break soon

Eventually you both cave and end up sitting on someone's bed, talking about upcoming events and watching videos

THEY ARE YOUR NUMBER ONE SUPPORTERS

You do theatre? They're always at opening night. Doesn't matter if you're acting, a stage hand, or a stage manager.

You do speech and debate? Akaashi will help you prep while Bokuto, despite being a tiny bit confused, will cheer you on.

You also play volleyball? Trust me, no matter your position, they're always constantly helping you improve and are at every game they can attend.

You do a different sport like softball, baseball, swimming, etc.? They're at any match they can go too. Literally Akaashi has to ask Bokuto to quiet down bc he's cheering really loud and getting stares from those passive aggressive family members.

Even if you don't do an extra curricular activity, but just have something you're really passionate about, they love to hear about you ramble on about it and love it when you show them what you've made.

Speaking of love... the first "I love you"

Surprise! Akaashi actually said it first

You were spending the night over at Bokuto's house and he was fast asleep, but you and Akaashi were quietly talking about whatever came to mind

Then he just takes your hand in his and says:

"You know, I'm really happy that you decided to be our partner. I love you, y/n."

You just smiled and said: "I'm glad I did too. And I also love you."

Then with Bokuto... it was a little different

You and him were having a one on one date, riding around on his bike through the park

He just smiled at you and shouted:

"I LOVE YOU A LOT!!"

So, to match his vibe, you yelled it right back to him

Despite being only meer centimeters apart

Post!Timeskip Time :)

Being sandwiched between them during the night is elite- top tier!

But you also switch it up

Sometimes Bokuto is in the middle and that usually happens when he comes home from away games

Sometimes Akaashi is in the middle and that usually happens when he had a stressful day at work

So,, the hypothetical marriage situation:

If you don't wanna get married, they're totally fine with it. Marriage is overrated anyhow 🤷🏻‍♀️

BUT

If you do wanna get married,, they're 100% for it!! Then it kinda falls under three hypothetical scenarios:

1: You just get your marriage license and have a small party. No ceremony. But just some nice extra time with your boys.

2: Small wedding. Just family and really close friends as you get married in your backyard.

3: A big ceremony! Yeah, we're talking about a big wedding. (It's three people getting married to each other,, it's gonna be a large turn out.)

Then the whole last name debacle. This goes on for a few days, let's be honest here.

If you wanna keep your last name, they're coming up with different ideas like: taking your last name, hyphenating it with either Bokuto or Akaashi, etc. etc.

If you don't want to keep your last name, then there's: taking either last name, hyphenating their's, etc.

There's also the discussion of everyone keeping their own last name,, can't forget that.

It's a confusing process.

Then there's also the talk of children

If you don't want kids, fine! Kids aren't a necessity to relationships ((deadass,, why do people think that everyone needs kids???))

And if you do, then whoop!! Kids

I don't wanna dive into kids,, but like you can imagine whatever y'all do

A n y h o w

I feel like Bokuto and Akaashi would adopt dogs and cats from shelters

Bokuto would definitely own a mug that says something about loving his pets

Two cats and a dog

That's your animal family

Im done with the animal thing, hang on

Cats wise: One is a grey and white tabby and maine coon mix, you and Akaashi like to call her Koutaro Jr. and the other is a Calico who Bokuto affectionately calls Baby

Dog wise: a pit bull who is nothing more than an oversized lap dog. His name? Spike.

One time, Bokuto invited over Atsumu, Hinata, and Sakusa over for a group dinner for fun, ya know?

They show up right? Y'all are chillin; Baby is perched behind Hinata and Koutaro Jr. is vibin' in Bokuto's lap (Atsumu is cackling at how you named her, and how "yes, Bo! She does look like a bit like you!")

Then in trots Spike

He trots over and nuzzles his way between Sakusa's legs and rests his head on his thigh

"This is Spike, right?" -Sakusa

"Mmhm.. are you-" -Akaashi

"Such a sweet little thing." -Sakusa

He *almost* doesn't mind the pet hair clinging to his pants

Anyway

It's a mostly happy and healthy relationship (bc lets be honest, fights can and have happened, but you got through it)

Tagging: @yamaguchi-stan

[the-fiction-witch]

Meow P3

TV SHOW: THE QUEENS GAMBIT COUPLE: BENNY WATTS X READER RATING: SMUT AF

I giggled like crazy as I jumped into benny's bed and he followed soon enough behind me kicking his jeans off into his bedroom floor I smiled laying on my back innocent laid with my legs open fiddling with my hair he smirked undoing his shirt as he climbed into the bed with me "ummm on your stomach kitten, while master gets ready" he smirked kissing down my neck pressing hard open mouth kisses down the crook of my neck and the to of my breasts before he pulled away sorting himself out getting hard again

"No" I giggled slightly pouting

"No? Does my little pet not wanna get fucked anymore?" He asked and I shook my head "come in you've been begging me for weeks, I'm finally gonna let you and you don't want to?' 

"Nope" I giggled licking his nose 

"Ooooohhh… you don't want me to let you? Do you kitten?" He smirked kissing down between my breasts and down my stomach "you just like torturing your master"

"No" I smiled petting his hair 

"Oh, my little kitten just wants to make her master feel good?" He smirked "then get on your knees pet. Before master ties you to the bed" he ordered I did as he asked turning to lay on my stomach and he grabbed my hips hard forcing my butt against his hips gently grinding himself against me as he got the condom on 

“Benny be gentle with me” I whine as I got cosy with the pillow

“I will kitten, don’t worry” he reassured kissing my head before gently pushing in, I could already feel him stretching me out my walls trying desperately to grip onto him already, his hands grasped my hips and arse tightly slightly digging his slender fingers into my skin “fuck kitten, your so tight” He smirked 

“Uhh not to hard Benny” 

“H- Kitten I haven’t even gone all the way in yet”

“Ohh.” 

“Awww Is my kitten surprised how big master is inside her?” he smirked 

“Maybe” I giggled nuzzling with the pillow 

“Don’t worry, just a little more kitten” He growled pushing further and further, I felt like I was being impaled slightly biting on the pillow trying not to moan as all he had done was push inside me I clenched around him a couple of times trying to get used to him every time I did his grip would tighten on me “Fuck! Kitten… Ummm your so tight pet.”

“Why don’t you fuck me loose then Master?”

“No, I wouldn't change this or anything kitten” He smirked slowly moving from hilt to tip slowly in and out I bit harder on the pillow and my eyes rolled back feeling the rubbing of him on my insides “kitten, I’m not gonna last much longer” He growled “You feel so good kitten, I don’t think I can stop” he moaned moving faster and faster inside me unable to stop his hips moving quickly and forcefully so much his hips almost pushed me over every time he pushed deep inside “Uuuuugh uuuhh! Kitten!” He groans moving his hand to gently rub my clit and the few little rubs he did made me hit my orgasum rather quickly and shockingly clenching around him extremely tightly, he grabbed my arse hard his hips jerking at odd angles, I knew I squirted on his cock and he moved pushing hard inside me hilt deep almost pushing me over “Uuuuuuhhhhh! Uuughhh! Kitten! Kitten!!” He moaned gently moving until he suddenly stopped and pulled out collapsing on the bed beside me with his arm around me “Fuck… that was amazing kitten”

“Ummm amazing Benny” I smiled cuddling close to him “did I make master feel good?”

“Of course you did kitty cat” He smirked as he gasped for breath cuddling me tightly “You wanna move in with me?”

“What?” I asked 

“You wanna move in with me?” he asked “do you want to live with me?”

“Yeah, I’d like that benny” I smiled, kissing his sweet lips “You owe me six bucks”

“What?” he asked very confused 

“You said the bad word. Six times since you got home from the store if I counted right”

“Fine” he sighed getting his wallet out his jeans laying on his stomach as he counted up the dollars from the billfold of his wallet the covers around his butt protecting his naked body or well only just, He counted them up and handed me the folded bills throwing his wallet on the table as he put his elbow on the mattress and his hand on his chin as he smiled at me, I counted up and found he only gave me five 

“You’re missing one Benny” I smirked 

“I know” He says “I’ll owe you kitten” He smirked leaning over and kissing my lips softly and playfully

I yawned and wrapped the black shirt with a few faint white stripes. I did a couple of buttons up and began walking across the cold stone floor of the basement apartment pushing open the little glass door some more. I saw Benny sat at the table playing though a game he was reading about, he sat tucked up to the table in his green button down shirt, his chains against his skin, his jeans tight to his body 

“Hi” He smiled as he saw me looking at him as I leant on the doorframe 

“Meow” I giggled 

“Come on then kitten” He encouraged so I smiled going over and sitting on him wrapping my legs around his waist nuzzling my head into his neck moving my nose up and down the curve of his neck and jaw gently running my hands up and down his shirt, and gently playing with the exposed skin of his chest “You’re gonna start purring in a minute” He smirked 

“Maybe I will master” I giggled 

“What's the matter with my little kitty cat? Why have you been so clingy lately?” he asks gently playing with my hair 

“Maybe your little kittens in heat Benny, and she needs her master” I cooed kissing and licking his neck

“Ohh does she now?” He smirked “Is my little kitten in heat? Does she need her master?”

“Meow” I giggled sucking on his neck a little to leave a hiki on his neck

“Does she want her toy?” He growled and I nodded “Does my little kitten wanna play with this toy?” he smirked moving his hands to my hips grinding me against his half hard erection 

“I want my master” I whine 

“Do you now kitten?” he growled grinding back as I had began to take over the grindings myself so he didn’t have to move me at all “Uuuhh kitten,” he gasped wrapping his arms around me tighter his hands on my back, he nuzzled his head into my cleavage kissing down my neck and my breasts between the shirt “Ummm what are you doing?” he smirked biting on the shirt’s button line “Kitty cat’s don’t wear clothes Kitten” He smirked undoing the buttons and throwing the shirt the floor leaving me naked on his lap “There? Thats better isn’t it” He smirked caressing my skin on my back and waist 

“Meow” I giggled nodding nuzzling with his neck petting my fingers across his exposed skin, often my hands going further under his shirt then just what was exposed Before I could do anything else He undid his belt and pushed his jeans off and his underwear stroking the shaft of his cock 

“Kitten wanna play with her toy?” he asked

“Meow” I giggled grinding against him “But I can’t play with master” I whine 

“Aww don’t worry kitten,” He smirked moving his hand under the table and a strange rip sound came and when he hand came back with a condom in his hand with a little tape on it from where he had taped it to the table 

“Hiding them now?

“I Need them at hand with such a desperate little kitten around” He smirked offering it to me so I smirked and bit the wrapper ripping it open “Good girl” He smirked slipping it on and it took me meer seconds before I sat up and let him slip inside me “Uhhh! Fu-”

“Benny” I warn 

“Fudge” He says quickly “Good boy” I smiled licking his cheek and nuzzling with his neck

“Come on kitten. Ride your master if my little kitty needs me so much” he smirked I rested my head on his chest nuzzling with the exposed skin and put my hands on his shoulders, bouncing myself up and down struggling to contain my moans “Uhhh kitten! I love how tight you are kitten,” he smirked so I giggled and intentionally clenched a few times as I moved “Uuhhh! Dirty little kitten” He smirked slapping my butt hard grabbing the skin as he did I smirked as I bounced faster and faster trying desperately to fule this fire of pleasure getting so close already scratching my nails out his back though his shirt “Uhh fuck come here” He groaned pulling my neck to kiss him passionately and hungrily his hand returning to my butt grabbing it hard pulling me tight to him kissing me desperately as I bounced “Uuuummmmmm uughhh uuhhh! Kitten! Faster please I’m gonna cum kitten!” he groaned resting his forehead against mine 

“Yes Master” I giggled getting faster and faster tightening my legs around him until I hit my peak squirting slightly around him tightening around him a lot and scratching his skin 

“Uhhhhh! Uuuuhhh! Uuhh!” He groans grabbing my hard pulling me tight to him his eyes rolling back his head slightly throwing back “Uuuhhh fuck kitten… I love you” He groaned grabbing me tightly to him as his hips bucked up wildly and uncontrollably before he collapsed against my breasts and gasped for breath 

“What?” I asked a little surprised at his words 

“Hu?” he asked still struggling to breath

“What did you say benny?” I asked pulling his head up to look at me 

“I said I love you” he said between gasps

“I love you too” I smiled hugging him tightly and kissing him sweetly and passionately.

“Benny?” I whined as I walked through the apartment 

“What’s the matter kitten?” He asks 

“Do I look fat?” I asked leaning on the other chair as he sat playing chess in his usual robe and jeans

“Well… yes” He says

“Benny!”

“What! You do!” He says “You rather I lie to you?”

“No… but it’s still not nice to say” I sighed “it’s not nice to call someone fat benny”

“You are six months pregannt y/n” 

“No I’m not”

“Yes you are”

“No I’m not, I’m seven months pregnant” “You’re gonna be fat kitten. You are growing another human inside you” 

“You’re fat” I argued 

“I know, It’s pizza and lack of doing anything” he says as he plaid “Ohh by the way I think Our milk is Off” He says 

“Wait what milk?” I asked

“The bottle of milk in the fridge” 

“You drank that?”

“I made coffee with it. It tasted sour” He complained 

“Wait the glass bottle or the plastic bottle?”

“The plastic one… why?” 

“That wasn’t our milk benny”

“It wasn’t?” he asked looking worried “so what exactly was it then kitten?”

“That was a breast milk sample I had to take to the doctor tomorrow”

“Ooohh… why was it in our fridge?”

“They said I had to refrigerate it” 

“You couldn’t label it!” he complained “Too late. I’ve drunk it now” He sighed

“How was it?” I giggled

“It tasted better than the milk from the grocery store” He shrugs “does that mean you're a fat cow now?”

“You what?” I glared

“You are fat. And you are making milk.”

“Call me that again benny I will personally bite your balls off”

“I believe that's what you said when you found out you were pregnant” 

“No, it's what you said when I found out I was pregnant” “Did I?”

“Yes, you did benny” I laughed 

“How is baby? Really kitten?” he asked holding my hand 

“Fine, Tired. Hungry. Missing her daddy” I smiled sitting on his leg and nuzzling with his neck

“Awww I missed her too” He smiled, kissing and caressing my baby bump as he plaid. 

“Kitty?” I heard Benny call “Kitty cat?” he called again “Oooohhh Kitty?” He called wandering around the apartment before he poked his head in the door as I sat on the bed my back against the wall in my little dress “Awww there’s my pretty kitty cat’s” he smiled as he leant on the door in his black T shirt and Blue jeans his chains against his shirt his hair a little fluffy but wet where it had been raining in new york today 

“She’s Missed you” I smiled 

“I’ve missed both of you too” he says putting his bag on the bed digging around a moment just as she finished up so I moved little Quinn away as she had finished her drink moving my dress back up “Aww do you have too kitten?” he complained “I thought I was going to get a turn now quinn was done” He smirked sitting on the bed beside us “Hi kitty cat” He smiled kissing my head 

“Hi Benny” I smiled “How was your trip?” 

“Fine, I won.” he says “I Missed my girls” He says “Hi honey” He smiled giving Quinn a little kiss and playing with her little fingers and she giggled so I handed her over to him “Hi, they little one. Daddy missed you” he told her as she giggled happy to see him and he cuddled in his arms again “Hey, daddy got you a present” he told her getting something out his bag a little brown teddy bear almost as big as she was 

“You spoil her” I laughed nuzzling with his neck 

“Yeah, But I wanna make her happy” He says sitting up and taking her to her little crib close to our bed and tucking her in with her bear and he came back sitting with me “sooo…. Can we have a little snuggle kitten? Now little ones’ in bed?”

“Later benny, I have things to do” I smiled giving him a kissing and going out to start on dinner

“Awww come on kitten. Please I’ve missed you so badly” He complained wrapping his arms around me as I tried to cook

“Okay, come on Benny” I smirked pulling him to kiss me “But quiet you don’t wanna wake her” 

“We won’t” He winked “Come on I want my little kitten”

“Meow” I giggled wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him to kiss me...

[vintagehedgehogdragon]

Satan’s Date night

Willow had just finished speaking with Lord Diavolo and Lucifer about taking Satan on a date in the Human World. There was a new Cat Cafe that they really wanted to take them to and get a bite to eat after. Knowing full well that Dia was wrapped around their finger and Lucifer couldn’t resist when they pulled the biggest puppy dog eyes they could. With some well placed tears forming at the corners of their eyes and a small pout both demons gave in. “You have one night, text us when you are ready to return” Lucifer said crossing his arms “Send pictures!” Dia said laughing wrapping one arm around Willow’s shoulder giving a small squeeze “Thank you both” Willow exclaimed giving them both a small peck on the cheek before bouncing away happily. 

Running back to their room to get ready they sent a text to Satan “I got permission to take you to the Human World for a date night, come to my room when you’re ready” As they entered their room, they saw that Satan was already there sitting on the bed looking at his phone with a small smile creeping across his face. “Oh, I didn’t think you’d be here otherwise I’d have told you in person.” Giggling to themself as they placed their phone on the dresser. “What did you have planned for tonight?” He asked getting up off the bed and making his way towards Willow. “It’s a secret!” They were bouncing with excitement as Satan brushed hair behind Willow’s ear kissing their forehead. “I’m going to take a quick shower and get ready” They said placing their phone on the bed and grabbing a towel and heading into the bathroom. 

After they had finished getting ready they were making sure they had everything they needed when someone knocked on the door. “It’s open” they shouted leaning against their dresser to tie their shoe. Willow had decided to wear jeans, with a tank top and stuffed a bag in their purse. They had gotten matching pull over sweaters and wanted to give it to him at the cafe. Satan walked into the room “Ready?” Willow asked walking toward him, placing a hand on his chest as they got up on their tip toes to kiss his temple. He wrapped his arm around their waist as they headed to meet with Lucifer to send them off to the Human world. 

They arrived in an empty park in the mid afternoon. Taking his hand in their’s, Willow lead Satan towards the cafe. As they got closer Satan seemed anxious but excited. “I think you’ll really like it” A shy smile graced Willow’s face as they stopped by the door. “Is this what I think it is?” Satan asked Willow saw him starting to buzz with excitement. “Mhm, it is. There is more after too” reaching out to open the door only to be stopped and pulled into a tight hug, while their boyfriend opened the door for them instead. “Cheeky” They said chuckling at the grinning Demon. 

It was fairly empty of customers, so they were seated quickly. While Satan was looking over the menu, Willow pulled out the bag and placed the hoodie on his lap. It had a large pouch that could fit a small animal and the drawtrings had little pom poms on the ends that could be used as toys. “Unfortunately we can’t bring any home with us but I thought you would enjoy being able to hold one in the pocket for a bit, I have a matching one too” pulling theirs out and putting in on.  “I’m surprised we haven’t seen a cat yet…” He said as he put his on too, as soon as he adjusted himself a tiny “meer” sounded at his feet. Looking down at the source of the sound his eyes widened as they locked with a tiny tuxedo kitten, gently pawing at his leg. 

“looks like you made a friend, feel free to play or hold any cat you’d like. All we ask is that you don’t handle them if they wish to not be. What can I get for you today” a small voice said. As the two look up the see the waitress standing in front of the table. She was wearing a pair of cat ears, with a very forced smile. Satan looked at Willow while nuzzling the tiny purring creature who instantly fell asleep in his hands. “Could I get the lavender bubble tea please?” Willow asked handing the menu back to the waitress, as they turned to look at Satan for his order he was staring at the kitten in his hand gently rubbing its belly while it made biscuits in the air. “Hun?” Breaking Satan from his trance, he shook his head “Sorry, could I get a Catpachino please?” chuckling to himself. 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself right now” Willow said snapping a quick picture. As more people showed up a large, fat, orange and white cat launched itself onto Willow’s lap before settling down purring like a diesel engine and grabbing Willow’s hand in its mouth so it could be pet. After they finished their drinks and snuggled more cats, they took a walk through the park. “It’s getting to be close to dinner time, shall we grab a bite to eat?” Willow asked interlacing their fingers with Satan’s. “Sure, did you have a place in mind?” He asked untangling his fingers from theirs so he could wrap it around their waist. “I thought we could walk around the City and see what’s available, maybe try something new.” They walked for a bit when they found a place they could agree on. “Hey look this place is doing a trivia night, Shall we enter?” Willow asked watching the biggest grin glide across his face “Let’s do it” 

As they were seated and ordered, they were given the sheet for Trivia and a pen. “Trivia starts in 30 minutes, the announcer will read the questions then you will have 1 minute to write down your answer before the announcer gives the answer and then he will next one will be read out. At the end all sheets will be checked and a winner will be announced. Also we ask that you use the pen we give you to write down your answers. We will only accept sheets that are written in pen” The waitstaff said before walking away.  “I should give updates to Dia so they know what the plan is and don’t force us back in the middle of this.” Willow said pulling out their phone and sending a quick text. 

A loud voice boomed over the speakers. “Who’s ready for trivia?” The crowd roared with cheers

*Okay first question. What was the first music video to play on MTV?* Willow looked over at Satan, his face was scrunched in a scowl, they could tell he was going through all the information his brain held. “I know the answer if it helps” Willow chuckled. “Write it down then if you’re so confident” His tone was sharp, but playful. As Willow wrote down the answer. The announcer called out *Okay time’s up. The answer was ‘Video Killed the Radio Star’* Satan looked down at the sheet and saw that Willow did in fact have the answer. 

As the questions were asked between the two it took at most 30 seconds for an answer to be written down. If one of them didn’t know the answer the other did. “We make a good trivia team, dontcha think?” Willow asked as the answer sheets were being collected. “Don’t get too cocky yet, Will?” Satan responded his answer filled with snark. “Is mr. I read all the time and am basically a walking encyclopedia nervous that we didn’t do well?” Willow laughed making sure their tone was as sarcastic and sassy as they could possibly muster. 

*The winning team has been decided would team TLSC come forward please and claim your prize.* 

Satan’s eyes widened as he heard their team name he barely had time to process what was going on before Willow was dragging him by the hand to the announcer. “Congratulations you two, I’ve never seen anyone get all correct answers in that short of time.. Without cheating, Your prize is $50 cash and your meal has been comped” As they set to leave Satan watched as Willow left some cash on the table. “Why did you do that? I thought our meal was comped.” He looked at her quizzically “It was I was leaving a tip, around here its customary to leave a tip. I left what our bill would have been plus tip for the waitress.” Willow replied looking down at their phone. “Lucifer has the portal ready for us to go back, we just have to let him know when we get to a private spot” as they make their way to find a place he pulled them in to a tight embrace. “Thank you for a wonderful night” he said as he kissed them on the top of their head. 

[mermaidxatxheart]

Tell me how.

My store manager comes and goes as she pleases.

Sits in her office all day long and doesn’t respond unless you say the word credit and then she perks right the fuck up like a meer cat.

Sends people willy nilly up to the front registers to get trained by me in the middle of the busiest shifts.

Works for her husband’s company while on store hours.

And then has the absolute nerve to:

Say I’m not training well enough, even though I’m doing the best I can while training a brand new associate during rush hour when I barely have time to explain anything at all.

Come in late and then start saying that we need to do better with credit applications or charity, when I’ve been there all morning working my ass off and she’s done nothing.

Tell me that if she moves me from the register (where I clearly don’t belong because I’m so bad at it) then she has to write me up for job performance.

Had my direct manager tell me that he has to give me a formal council for job performance because speed of checkout is too slow and cashier friendliness is down. Never mind that it’s not the cashier’s fault that it’s taking so long between cleaning registers and customers not knowing how to read.

I’m done. I quit. I hate this place. I hate my manager. I can’t do this anymore. Anyone looking to hire? I’m good at books. That’s my resume. Books and movies.

[someordinaryselfshipper]

Phantom Cinderella AU (Part 4)

Word count: 1291

Warnings: Abuse and Tearing of clothing

Tag list: @harleenquinzell96​ @miss-antivinny​ @beepa99​

Going outside to gather today's mail, I smile at the red envelope at the bottom of all of the bills and spam mail.

I rush inside, but I’m stopped at the doorway by my step mother. She snags the mail out of my hand and spots the invite. She practically grins from ear to ear in a wicked grin. “Anna, Kathrine! Come here this instant!” Both of the girls come rushing in at once. Pushing each other out of the doorway before standing still in front of their mother.

“Tomorrow night, Phantom is holding a ball. You two must make yourself look presentable to impress him! And maybe he’ll even take a fancy to you.” I cringe at what she says. My step sisters are excited, but they shouldn’t get their hopes up. For all they know, Phantom could already be dating somebody, or maybe he isn’t into women, or maybe he’s not even looking for anyone to date.

“(Y/N). I’m taking the girls out dress shopping. You clean up the house and then get ready to do their hair and makeup when we get back.” My step mother says.

“Okay ma’am. But I need to make sure I have time to get ready as well.” I say. All three of them looked at each other, then Anna and Kathrine started laughing hysterically. My stepmother just looked at me in disbelief.

“You think you’re allowed to go to the ball?” She asks. “Well...Yeah. It says the whole household is invited. And I am a part of this household.”

“Why should you even want to go anyways? It’s not like Phantom would ever be interested in a meer maid like you….” My stepmother glared up and down at my figure.

“Actually, a friend invited me! I met him a few days ago at the supermarket, and he said he wanted to bring me!” All three of them glared down at me. Maybe I shouldn’t have told them about Tom…

“Fine. If you want to go so badly, then clean the entire house, dress the girls to perfection, and then get ready yourself before we leave at 7:50 pm sharp.” My step mother says. I feel joy rising in my stomach, but I keep it in. I don’t want her to change her mind.

I simply nod my head, and get back to work. Thinking of how I can get all that done before 7:50 pm tomorrow.

___

The next two days go by quicker than expected. Last night I managed to dig up my (mothers/fathers) old (dress/suit). It may be a little rough around the edges. But I’m sure after a wash, it’ll be fine.

By 6 pm, I finish washing the entire out. I put the bucket full of dirty water by the staircase, and rush up to help my step sisters finish getting ready. After some snide remarks to one another, and a fair number of cat fights, I surprisingly got them both ready by 7:30. I rush into my room to put my (dress/suit) on. By the time I finish fixing up my hair and putting on my eyeliner, it’s 7:50.

“Wait!” I shout right as they were about to get out the door. I catch my breath at the bottom of the stairs. “A deals a deal…” I say. My step sisters look upset.

“Do we really have to bring them?” Kathrine asks, taking a step towards me, “I mean, look at what they’re wearing? It’s garbage!”

“This was my “mother’s/father’s.” I state. Putting my foot down to them. Anna scoffs, “No wonder it looks so ugly then. Your (mother/father) had horrible taste.” she says while walking up to me. She grabs onto the left sleeve of my (dress/suit) and tears it off. Before I can protest, Kathrine joins in and rips off my other sleeve. They tear the (dress/suit) until it’s unrecognizable. I fall to my knees, when suddenly...A buzz in my pocket.

I open up my phone. I quickly read the text from Tom before my step mother staches my phone from my hands and throws it into the dirty water bucket I left by the stairs.

“Your little friend can’t save you now.” She sneers at me, before turning around and walking out the door with my step sisters.

I just sit there and cry. Not only is my outfit ruined, and my night as well. But I may never be able to speak to Tom again. The one little light in my life is gone. What hurts most is remembering the last text he will ever send me.

“I can’t wait to see you tonight love.”

___

Still in my torn up outfit, I walk into the garden to get some fresh air. Sitting on the bench while looking down at the ground.. While the night sky is beautiful, I can’t help but cry under it. What if I never see Tom again? I most likely won’t get another phone for a long time, if at all. And the chances of running into him in this city are next to none. The only person I’ve ever had feelings for...The only person who treated me like a decent human being. And he’s now gone.

“God I’m such a mess.” I say to myself. I mean, it’s not like anyone is here-

“You look like one.”

WHAT THE FUCK?! I look up and see a man that...looks kind of like Tom. But he has what looks like tear marks? And he’s wearing waaaay too much eyeliner.

“Um...Who are you and why are you in my garden?” I ask. “Oh yeah. You don’t know me. Call me Mare, I’m P-Tom’s brother.” He says while gesturing to himself. “Tom’s brother?! That means you...hang on a second. How did you find my address?!” I ask. “I have my ways.” He shrugs. “Anyways, now is not the time for questions! You have a ball to get ready for!” He claps his hands together.

“The ball? No no no no,” I say while standing up, “I can’t go, my outfit was ruined by my step sisters! I have no way of contacting Tom because my phone got destroyed, and I will get ridiculed if I show up in my truck.”

“That’s where I come in.” He says with a smug look on his face. He claps his hands twice and my torn up outfit turns into a (dress/suit) that is as good as new!

“...How the fu-”

“No time for questions.” He says. He claps again and my old, beaten down truck turns into a beautiful red car. “You’ve got your outfit and your ride! Now go have fun (Y/N).” He says.

“Can I...Just ask you one question please?” I ask. “If it has nothing to do about what just happened. Then sure.” He said. “...Why are you doing this for me?” I ask. He looks at me dumbfounded.

“I told you. I’m Tom’s little brother. And I would do anything to see him be happy. And clearly, you make him happy. I saw you were in trouble, and I wanted to help you.” He shrugs. “Anyways, you better get going. You have until midnight before everything turns back to normal. That’s also when your step douches, I mean family, I mean douches leave the party.” I hug Mare, who is taken by surprise.

“Thank you Mare…” I say into his shoulder. He pats my head. “No problem at all. Now go have fun.” I let go of him and hope into my car. Excited for what the night has in store for me now.

[umbraastaff]

Pokémon: Century Version

1.2 - Integration I

[previous] [next] [recent] [teams]

After everyone’s cleared out of his office, Davenport eyes the pokéball left in the box. He spins it in place, and it makes a low scraping noise against the cardboard as it lazily, unevenly rolls towards the wall of its container.

He takes it out of the box and sets it down on top of an astronomy book--more like a textbook--on his desk, pointed straight upwards so the flat bit on the back can keep it in place. The paint on it is an unblemished, chrome red that he can see a silhouette of his reflection in.

Then he pulls another pokéball off his belt and presses the button to bring it to full size, and he looks between the two devices. His is a slightly older model, marked by a smaller button and more apparent seam. But its more distinctive features are the scratched blue paint with the wavy white on top, and the small dent on the lower half that lets it sit still on a table facing sideways.

He tosses his Dive Ball up into the air, giving it a squeeze along the seam in the instant before it leaves his hand. It’s a practiced motion, popping out the stubborn mechanism that was misaligned at the same time the dent was made. This pokéball has needed replacing for a while, and he’s not usually the sentimental type, but it holds memories he’s reluctant to discard.

The white light exiting the pokéball twists and oscillates in an unnatural way before taking the shape of a nidoran on the desk, with small ears and a blue coat. It makes a practiced chittery noise at him, avoiding the more easily distinguishable growling that would usually take the shape of its name.

“Nicely done, Dizzy, but you can take normal form.” The Nidoran on the desk blinks at him, then jumps up high and spins in midair, taking on a pink glow. When it lands, it’s back to its natural form as a zorua.

Davenport gestures to the pokéball on the desk. “We’re meeting a new teammate today.”

--

Lucretia opens the door to her home and steps in, but pauses before she can step any further towards the living area. The floor is covered in huge, thick sheets of paper, which were taped down weeks ago after the last one got so dense with paint that it had to be rolled up and stored away.

Today, she sees new strokes of violet and blue near the door. The living room isn’t really the most convenient place to have this activity, since it’s the only way into the rest of the living quarters, but it’s the only place in the suite that has enough flat space to accommodate it. The only furniture here is a couch (with a waterproof cover draped over it) and a wooden side-table that’s long since been coated with a rainbow splatter.

“Gouache,” she calls out, “is this paint dry?”

There’s a pattering of small feet as the smeargle runs out of the kitchen and into Lucretia’s line of sight. “Smeeeear?”

“The paint. Can I walk across the room?”

It looks at the lines before her feet, then back up, and then it nods.

“Thank you,” she says, and goes inside. She peels the cover off of the couch and sets down her bag before sitting down herself at one end of it.

Then Lucretia gestures to the ground, over the newer group of symbols and pictograms. “I haven’t seen you use paint that thin for a while. Are you doing alright?”

Gouache stares at her for a few moments, and then hangs its head.

“Oh dear. Are you ill?”

The smeargle quickly shakes its head. It walks over to an empty patch of floor-paper and draws a small beanlike shape with a spike, like its hat--the symbol it frequently uses to represent itself--and then draws a large square around it.

The symbol looks so small within its walls, leaving a huge imbalance of negative space. Lucretia picks up meaning easily. “Feeling lonely here all day?”

Gouache nods. “Meer!”

“Well, that’s an easy fix. How about you come to work tomorrow?” It isn’t as simple as that--the young smeargle is antsy and jumps out of its pokéball often, but if Lucretia gives it some paper or enough stimuli, it should stay occupied. Leaving another pokémon at home isn’t an option--one on its own is risky enough, and if two got into an unsupervised scuffle, who knew what the damage would be.

Gouache grins at that and makes an excited lap around the room, dragging its tail in a squiggly pattern behind it. The effect is something like a foreign, illegible cursive, and the purple gets more saturated and warm in hue as it goes. By the time it gets back around in front of the couch, the paint is nearing an excited, vivid red.

“Alright, alright! You’ve got to promise to behave yourself.”

It nods dutifully, though its paws keep swinging back and forth, unable to quite contain itself. Even though Gouache was the one who wanted to stay home in the first place, wanting to draw on the floor here rather than be limited in the workplace, Lucretia is starting to suspect that it thought it was restricted to home once it had made that choice.

“For now, though, we have a guest for dinner…”

--

Barry stares at the bag of pokémon food leaning against his desk, issued by the department as some kind of half-hearted apology for dumping this responsibility on all of them. The label pops out, white on black. Mama’s juvenile feed for household mammalians of any type.

He hasn’t dealt extensively with any ‘juvenile’ pokémon for years, now. Hell, it’s been almost as long since he took care of anything that wasn’t long dead. He barely takes care of himself.

“Whaddya think, Byte? Do I pour out some food so the baby doesn’t get distracted and run off?”

The possessed pokédex buzzes at him. “Close the door.”

“Why?” Barry coaxes. The rotom always has trouble with phrasing outside of fact statements and commands. Being introduced to the dex at an older age than the standard, it still has to work to break the dex’s defaults for language. Barry’s been trying to get it more conversational.

Byte’s screen displays an animated ellipsis for a few moments. “The eevee won’t escape if you close the door. But it is… It may not be hungry.”

Barry smiles. “Good point,” he says as he crosses the room and closes the door. “Let’s just see what the li’l guy wants, then.”

He tosses the pokéball to the floor, and it opens readily, ejecting a glow that becomes an eevee. It instantly chirps “veee!” at him and hops around.

Byte scans it automatically. “Eevee, the Evolution Pokémon. Due to its unstable genetic makeup, it can evolve into many forms, often adapting to its environment or trainer. 8 evolutionary variants have been discovered so far.” It pauses. “This specimen has especially high special defense.”

“And you’ve got a lovely coat,” Barry says, crouching down and holding out his hand. The eevee presses into it like a cat that wants petting. So at least it’s already socialized to humans, to some extent. “Practically golden.”

[svampirebait]

My Curse of Strahd Campaign - latest session. The Feast of St Andral.

Warning, heavy spoilers for Curse of Strahd.

So this is how our Curse of Strahd game went last night:

The party are in Vallaki staying with Fiona Wachter, the Tiefling Warlock’s long lost cousin. She thinks they will help her overthrow the Burgomaster. They agree things in Vallaki need to change but don’t want either the Burgomaster or Lady Wachter in charge.

Since arriving in town, Ireena was snatched by Izek, the Burgomaster’s henchmen. The party want to make sure she’s ok and as they’re heading there anyway Lady Wachter asks them to bring her proof of whatever the Burgomaster’s son did to drive her daughter mad.

The party ended the last session having taken Victor’s journal from his secret lab. They ran into the Burgomaster, made nice and were told that Ireena is now betrothed to Victor. She is very clearly against this.

I was about to start the session when the Druid turns to me and says:

“Question, Octopuses...”

Me: “...ahuh...”

Druid: “they can breathe air for an hour out of water. So say I summoned some. Would they have full air?”

Me *knowing I’m about to unleash hell on this town and imagining everyone being attacked by Octopuses.*: “I’m gona say, yes.”

So we start the game in the Burgomaster’s mansion. Victor, invisible, follows the rogue who snatched his journal but can’t do anything to get it back because of all the people. He settles for glaring at him from the doorway of the dining room making it very clear that he is gona get it back.

The party and Ireena discover that Lady Lydia’s old wedding dress is being altered for Ireena to wear the next day during the festival of the blazing sun. She tries to protest but the Burgomaster acts like she hasn’t said a word. The Rogue starts to loudly tell the Burgomaster that “All is not well” and there is a runour that something is happening at the Coffin Makers that will ruin the festival. They have no proof and the Burgomaster is not pleased to hear such blatant nay saying about his beloved festival. He orders Izek, who is towering over Ireena, to arrest the rogue. The Rogue dodges him and yells that the coffin maker is doing something that will hurt Ireena.

Izek runs out of the Manor to take care of the Coffin Maker ignoring the Burgomaster who is yelling after him.

The Rogue is then grabbed by two remaining guards who are told to give him 10 lashes in the town square. He’s dragged outside.

The Druid immediately says to the Burgomaster that he is perfectly right, nay sayers are terrible for putting everyone in danger and the Rogue’s punishment is clearly justified. He offers the party’s assistance in investigating the coffin maker and retrieving Izek. He’ll even give Iteena away at her wedding tomorrow.

The Burgomaster is delighted and sends the party on their way.

They follow the guards and see them stripping the rogue of his shirt and belongings in the middle of the square, before chaining his hands to a pole.

They ready the whip. The bard casts Minor illusion and from a side street a voice yells “This festival is a sham!! The Burgomaster is insane! All is not well!”

What few townsfolk are around hurridly disappear. The party even see one poor man trying to hide behind a barrel his arse sticking out as he assumes the crash position.

The guards drop everything to chase down whoever said that, leaving the party and one guard who is standing watch over the people in the town stocks.

The Tiefling warlock sneaks away and uses mask of many faces to make himself look like another guard. He walks over to the one on watch and casts suggestion:

“Have you heard the rumour that Izek is planning to marry Ireena instead of Victor? You should tell everyone.”

The guard fails his save and immediately turns to the nearest person who happens to be in the stocks and says “Have you heard-“

While he’s destracted the bard takes the rogue’s lock picks out and tries to undo the manacles with no luck. The rogue at this point is thanking the party for the great destraction but wondering what the fuck they actually plan to do about getting him out of there!

Behind them the guard is moving down the line of prisoners, “Have you heard-“

At this point the Warlock turns to me confused that the guard didn’t walk off and i answer “you told him to tell “EVERYONE””

Finally as the guards are returning the druid has the bard cast minor illusion again to make fresh whip marks appear on the rogues back. The warlock takes that moment to walk back behind a house to change back from being a guard.

The spelled guard walks up to the party “Have you heard-“

The other guards return. See the whip marks and a guard walking away and assume the sentence has been carried out. They let the rogue go with a warning to be more careful what he says in future and hand him over to his friends.

The spelled guard is in the background peering over the barrel at the man trying to hide “Have you heard-“

As the party walk away towards the coffin maker the bard asks the warlock how long the suggestion will last. “8 hours or until the task is complete” poor guy.

Meanwhile, knowing what’s at the coffin maker’s I was rolling dice behind the screen to see what happened when Izek got there. Turns out, he wasn’t doing great...I rolled the last dice and choked on my drink. The players were confused as i recovered laughed and started crossing things out on my notes for future sessions.

So they get to the Coffin Makers and see that the front door has been kicked in. As they’re debating whether to go in or not they see Van Rickton/Rictavio lurking in the shadows.

They ask why he’s there. He gives an unconvincing story about hearing strange noises. Realising the PCs don’t believe a word he very grandly reveals the shocking truth, he is none other than THE Rudolph Van Rickten, vampire hunter.

The Druid says “I know, your monkey told me.”

They team up and enter the coffin makers.

Inside they find evidence of a scuffle. Several of the empty coffins in the showroom have been broken.

They hear voices coming from beyond a door and approach. From inside a silky voice calls out that they are welcome and asks “Henrik” to let the party inside.

A terrified older man wearing carpenters clothes opens the door and tries to motion for the party to run but the voice calls him out for being rude and he quickly opens the door stepping aside for the party to enter.

Seated at a table, stroking a curled up ginger cat and sipping from a goblet is a young man, handsome with long blonde hair, wearing a pink ruffled shirt. Escher, greets the party making side comments to Henrik who is curled in on himself in the corner of the room.

Escher recognises Van Rickten but only makes a brief comment anout him looking familiar. As his eyes fall on the Vistani rogue he immediately leaves his seat and goes over declaring him to be a “beauty” and being heavily flirty.

The rogue looks up at the ceiling and after the last few days decides this is all too much. He leaves the shop to wait outside much to Escher’s disappointment.

The party ask where Izek is. Escher is evasive, meering saying about how rude Izek was. He declares what a wonderful day to make new friends seeing as how it’s the feast of St Andral. There were others staying with him and Henrik but they’ve already left to begin the “festivities”

The party asked where they went and he answers “where else my dear boy? The church of course!” He says it’s getting late and he must be going. The bard is blocking his way so he charms her. She lets him pass with a smile as he bows and takes a subtle taste of blood from her hand.

Outside the rogue was leaning up against the wall of the shop. He turns to find Escher beside him. The vampire gets close and comments on his looks again then tells him that his Master bids him to join them. Rooms are already prepared at Ravenloft for him and Escher dearly hopes that he will agree to go back with him. He tells him they’ll take their time on the journey and get to know each other a little more.

The rogue sighed and said he’d think on it. Delighted Escher left and the rogue went back inside the shop yelling that, that dude was totally a vampire!

While he was outside the party had discovered that the ginger cat had been dead for s long time, the goblet was full of blood and instead of a chair behind the table, Escher had been sitting on the fresh corpse of Isrk Strenzni.

The rogue loots him and finds an old family picture where a much younger Izek is standing with his long lost sister. Noticing the resemblance between the sister and Ireena the rogue quickly hides the picture.

The rest of the party question the coffin maker who admits to agreeing to house the vampires. His arms and neck are covered in puncture wounds where they have fed off him. The wwrlock casts froends on him and asks where the bones of saint andral are. He said he didn’t know so they all start searching for the bones. The rogue eventually finds them in a secret compartment in the upstairs bedroom.

They leave the shop and race to the church. The druid turns into a horse with the rogue on his back carrying the bones. They leave the rest of the party on foot. As they run through the streets they see Ireena running towards them and sweep her up on to the horses back.

The night is drawing in. In the distance there are screams and the glow of flames. Above their heads thunder sounds and when they glance up they see the silhouette of strahd against the clouds astride his nightmare.

When they arrive at the church they see chaos. Terrified by Strahd’s appearance the townsfolk ran to the church only to find the vampire spawn already there. The party see two vampires on the steps cheerfully feasting on the confused townsfolk.

They rolled initiative, from somewhere in the painicking crowd they hear a familiar voice yelling in terror. “HAVE YOU HEARD-“

and that’s when the game ended.

I can’t wait to run the battle in two weeks.

[twistednuns]

September 2018

I spent the first week of September in Bali. I got my advanced diver's license and did my navigation dive with David in PadangBai. For the night and wreck dive I went up to Tulamben (and had the driver teach me how to open my chakras and read someone's aura - he even made me connect with my mother who wrote me an e-mail a few hours later asking if something was wrong because she had felt me very strongly) where I ate the very best tempeh satay skewers and fried eggplant at Warung Rusti (with a 90s playlist in the background - "Shalalalala!").

That night dive deserves it's own bullet point: It was the first time for me, I had never been under water at night before. After saying that I met real-life Gary (Spongebob's pet snail) I'll just include the message I wrote to a friend that night: Das war gerade so bombastisch. Mein erster Nachttauchgang, ich wusste überhaupt nicht was mich erwartet, und dann war das gleichzeitig noch ein Wracktauchgang - ich hatte das Wrack vorher noch nicht gesehen. Wow. Du steigst einfach nach Einbruch der Dunkelheit direkt am Strand ins Wasser und tauchst ab. Nach ein paar Minuten taucht plötzlich ein riesiger Schatten vor dir auf - die USAT Liberty. Könnte auf den ersten Blick allerdings auch ein Blauwal sein... Ich kann's gar nicht beschreiben. Du hast nur eine Taschenlampe dabei, auf einer Seite siehst du vage Schemen vom Boot das von hinten manchmal von anderen Tauchern angeleuchtet wird, auf der anderen Seite nur Dunkelheit, schwarze Tiefe. Das Allerbeste ist allerdings, die Taschenlampe auszumachen. Wenn man im stockfinsteren Wasser mit den Armen wirbelt, erzeugt man hunderte kleine Luftbläschen, die wie leuchtende Funken aussehen. Magisch! Hat das was mit Biolumineszenz zu tun? Muss recherchieren. Das ist so ein geiles Gefühl. Mitten im Nichts, in der Dunkelheit, um dich rum nur Wasser. Ständig am Überlegen, ob man nicht doch noch spontan Panik kriegen soll. Beim Auftauchen siehst du die Sterne über dir, den Mars, die Milchstraße. Vom Ufer siehst du das Meer an manchen Stellen milchig türkis aufblitzen - wo die Taucher tief unter der Wasseroberfläche das Wrack anleuchten.

Climbing a fucking volcano in the middle of the night. Seriously, climbing Mount Batur must be one of the most challenging things I've ever done. I wasn't ready for this. Getting up at 1am, only a weak flashlight against the darkness, shorts and a thin jacket against the cold. I got scratches, killed my knees, my lungs were angry as well. I fell. And I still don't know how but somehow I made it to the top. So I sat there, shivering, wet, in the thin air surrounded by clouds. Listening to Krishna Das because that's what I kept doing in quiet moments during my trip. So I witnessed the moon and the stars vanishing, the night growing fainter, the sunrise behind Mount Agung. Walking downhill wasn't any easier (I'll never be able to get the black earth stains out of my jeans) but I managed. My reward: an organic tomato for breakfast, straight from the field. And soaking in hot spring water at Toya Devasya. They had an infinity pool right in front of Lake Batur, just what I needed - even though I only started to notice how many of my muscles were mad at me.

Later, I went to Ubud where I took part in a cleansing/blessing ceremony at the Holy Spring Water Temple, Pura Tirta Empul. We got green bathing sarongs and made an offering before we got cleansed and "talked" to the spirits in the pool. In the afternoon we met a Balinese healer who basically only confirmed what I already knew. I must be on the right track, I suppose. Later I talked to Alex from the UK on the backseat of our car while the others had coffee. We were born one day apart and felt that there were a lot of similarities in our biographies. He asked me for advice on his panic attacks and what he could do about the mask he keeps wearing so that nobody gets to know the real Alex. It felt like a therapy session but I loved how open you can be around a total stranger.

Ubud treats: daily massages, affordable lash extensions, health food everywhere (Smoothie bowls! Veggie wraps! Goddess bowls! Oh, and Gelato Secrets, not healthy at all but delicious), a successful ring quest (good luck trying to find gold jewellery in Bali... but in the end I managed to find a gorgeous ring with a bluish green stone) and a whole day in a batik workshop where I learned the traditional technique from locals. Worth mentioning: the little girls dancing for us at the healer's place - especially the goofy, chubby one with her puppy and the girl in pink who would exaggerate the traditional eye movements and made me laugh / Riding a scooter - this time as a passenger on the back. The gorgeous view of the countryside north of Ubud. / Talking to the Canadian newlyweds about the NHL while having lunch with a view over the rice terraces. /

Magic for Humans

The stories Richard and Star Wars in Benedict Wells' new short story collection Die Wahrheit über das Lügen.

Silence. Thank you, ear plugs. I don't leave the house without Ohropax and a good book.

Children of Time by Adrian Tchaikovsky. More or less the first science fiction book I've ever read but MAN that one is SMART. It's a take on human culture, mirrored by a tribe of very unexpected sentient animals. Worth mentioning: my new Kobo e-reader and OnLeihe (where you can get e-books from the library).

So I'm officially an adult now. Every single thing on this list is true for me. I don't really know why I'm putting this on my Things I Love list since it is pretty scary but at the same time I feel weirdly good about it.

Seeberger's trail mix salty/fruity with rhubarb, banana chips, almonds, peanuts, cranberries and physalis.

Celebrating autumn - even though I had a beautiful summer I'm kinda looking forward to sweater weather, crinkly leaves, gothic novels and pumpkin soup.

George Harrison with a beard and long hair was such a gorgeous human being. Listening to his songs on repeat at the moment.

Spending a day at the Isar with my students. We made a fire, they tought me how to skip stones (no talent) and after a while we couldn't bear the sun anymore so we just hopped into the river in our underwear. We walked along the gravel bank and allowed the water to carry us back to the others. I had such a good time.

What a musical conductor actually does on stage - such an interesting video, especially after many seasons of Mozart in the Jungle.

I know I've probably already said it but this recipe is absolutely delicious. Perfect for autumn. Not bad either: spelt crepes with a creamy chanterelle/champignon filling.

Finally finding a way to do a shoulder stand in yoga class even though my stomach muscles aren't strong enough.

Spending the evening with Manu. Who thinks I'm prettier without make-up. Who played with my hair. Who cooked for me. Who looked gorgeous that night. I mean, come on, open denim shirt over a hairy chest, wavy hair in a man bun with loose strands - that's just unfair. He played the guitar and we sang together. Trying to find a good duet to perform on Thursday (karaoke night!), ending up singing along to every weird song we could think of.

Nursing a yellow bell pepper plant back to health.

Sitting under a blanket outside, a captivating book on my lap, Dunkelgrün fast schwarz, watching the clouds being blown away by the warm autumn winds, flying leaves, deep in thoughts. The smell of family dinner in the air, the light fading away. A sense of longing in combination with melancholia and thoughts occuring on a meta-level, probably the result of too much writing, reading, dreaming, spending time alone.

A matte top coat turns Essie's Bahama Mama nail polish into pure velvet. I love the look and feel of it. So much more elegant and understated than shiny polish.

Give up comfort

My first karaoke night in Munich at Keg with Manu and Bibi. Performing together - my favourite was Because of You by Kelly Clarkson even though we were really bad. The atmosphere was pretty great. There were a lot of Brits around, probably because of the Oktoberfest. Folks were swinging a huge double-ended dildo around, we all danced with each other and I taught everyone German swear words. The good kind. After a few beers I just walked up to Manu (and Bibi!) and we started kissing. I kissed a GIRL and I liked it! Being thirty and somewhat confident is such a blessing. A lot of people kept saying that Manu and I should be a couple. Promising! Especially the girl who sang the Adele songs (and nailed it - voice twins!) was shipping us. Daw.

Dinner at Lena and Obi's wedding location. The waitress showed us around. I feld very grown-up asking questions and acting all responsible and busy.

Going shopping with Lena, trying to find a wedding dress for her. Falling in love with the coats at Zara. Unfortunately I still need to lose some weight in order to buy my clothes there.

Wondering how people actually perceive me. Sometimes I get the feeling that they see me as an angry feminist. But while being a feminist is totally fine with my - I guess I gotta work on my anger issues.

AnderART festival at Odeonsplatz - singing Wonderful Life with Ian, Jens and the GoSingChoir!

Meeting Manu L. at the Alcest concert. I liked talking to him that night. It was only the two of us and I liked how honest he was. And that he gave me a new, less emotional perspective on the whole deal with Frank.

Wearing black jeans, my new checked shirt, dark-rimmed glasses, a huge, soft grey scarf. Doc Martens. A headband.

Treating myself to a 100ml bottle of Byredo's Super Cedar perfume. I smell damn fine now.

On a Friday morning there was a cat downstairs in the subway station. She hung around at a corner and permitted me to pet her. She even jumped a little to meet my hand halfway. Very good start into the day.

[legendarysongphilosopher]

That One Girl I Have Searched The World For...

Begining

Let me start from last week basically I met this girl and she is this really kind, astonishing intelligent person (she also likes astronomy) and we share some similar hobbies (one of which is guitar 'this info will be required later.') we had been talking a lot for a week or two but one night she just deactivated her facebook out of the blue and honestly it never occurred to me to ask her for any other means of communication (number, Snapchat, Instagram...etc) so I started going through our old conversations hoping to find some way to reach her and it paid off. Turns out she goes to my old guitar teacher which I used to go to a couple of years ago, so I called him and asked if I could attend a class as a guest he agreed and said I should be there on Wednesday (it was Monday then so I had some time to practice) and with my guitar lessons starting so did me internally screaming because of the pain in my fingertips (I play acoustic guitar which I wouldn’t have touched any time soon if it wasn’t for her).

The Day I Met Her

Heads UP:  some of you might find the first paragraph a bit boring, it is just extra information but will provide some insight for the rest of the story.

 It was a normal windy day in the begging of June I was home watching Supernatural when someone from Horizon office called me (it is a nonprofitable organization I have been a volunteer at for quite some time now) they told me we need to deliver some packages to some unfortunate families since there was an eid coming out we wanted to help provide food to those who can not.

In Horizon, our projects are usually done as groups of four people do those as a team of four.

So I had to be at the office at Two O'clock but my fear of being late taking the best of me resulted in me sitting in the office at 1:30; it was fine I had city of fallen angels (shadow hunter series by Casandra Clare) with me so I started reading until everyone arrived which was 3:30...

Me being the introvert I am I tried to avoid unnecessary conversations and act as professional as an 18 years old could I didn’t really pay attention to what each individual in our group was doing until we were halfway through our list, and there she was,our photographer taking pictures of the kids and playing with them, asking how their lives were and what they would like to receive for the upcoming eid and this is when I got interested in her...

It was around 5 O’clock we were visiting the last families on our list and I was still developing the courage to start a simple conversation and to be honest I probably wouldn’t if I didn’t hear her talk about her pet cat with another one of our volunteers now I have never had a cat, my mom doesn’t trust me with that responsibility but I this was my window, this was my only chance “I have a white Persian cat” it took me less than a second to realize that once again my mouth worked faster than my brain but since my cousin has two Persian cats I know all there is to know about them and this was the chance I needed so we went on talking about cats and how cute they are.

It was eight, we just got out of the office after handing over the documents by now I knew the rest of the team a bit we had occasional conversations about the families we visited so when we got out of the building I waited for everyone to leave (they were waiting for taxis and I was the only guy in the group so I was just there to make sure everyone will go home safely) but she prefers buses over taxis so I offered to keep her accompanied until the bus station (I might have said my house is near there) even though my house is literally on the opposite side of the city but it was worth it, we had an awesome conversation and before she left I asked if she could send me the pictures she took today (I help with advertisement and raising donation for our organization) so she added me on her facebook and my story or rather my search for her began.

The Wednesday and The Next Saturday 

Turns out she goes to my old guitar teacher which I used to go to a couple of years ago, so I called him and asked if I could attend a class as a guest he agreed and said I should be there on Wednesday (it was Monday then so I had some time to practice) and with my guitar lessons starting so did me internally screaming because of the pain in my fingertips (I play acoustic guitar which I wouldn’t have touched any time soon if it wasn’t for her).

I spent the past two days practicing my guitar but it still sounded awful.

My guitar practice was at 1 but I didn’t sleep all night long because I was busy practicing so by the time I got to my class I was a zombie functioning on coffee.. It was four hours of hell, she didn’t show up to that class or the next one nor the other one so at 5 o’clock I just gave up and decided to go home but before that I asked the teacher if it could be possible to schedule me for the same lesson as my friend and he agreed

 I went to my music lesson and I waited, for hours... I was drowned in thoughts and scenarios the only time I was paying attention was when somebody opened the door and I had this temporary hope that this is her, she is finally here but that never happened..my teacher calling my name pulled me out of my daydreaming and he added "I have two other guitar students appointed for today but your friend was 3 hours ago, I am sorry but I don't think she is coming” and that sums up that day and the depression which followed, also I am starting to wonder if she has stopped attending her guitar lessons. 

One Week Had Passed!

one week has passed since I last heard of her and I had all these different scenarios of what might be going on somewhere in this time period I wondered that she might have simply blocked me but our last conversation was:

Before you judge me I know I know it is a bit lame but she seemed to like it she was somehow fascinated by it so in order to make sure I haven’t done something that made her block me I checked with our mutual friends and it was the same with them as well.. she was just gone. 

It was after dinner when I got a call from horizon saying they have this big event planned to help a refugee camp and they needed 15 volunteers despite my endless desire to stay in my room and just drawn my self in paintings I agreed to go and help.

Today!

I was late 'which is way out of character, I am usually 30m early but I was LATE this time' so I am rushing upstairs trying to get there as soon as possible and while I am going up I see two girls coming down, I didn't pay attention; I wanted nothing but to lay down in my bed and think so despite it being early in the morning I was already grumpy but deep down in my heart something was whispering “that was her”

 By the time I got upstairs every other team was on their way (including the 2 girls I just saw)

we waited a bit longer for my best friend to show up so our team would be complete too, it was a half an hour drive so I told him about what happened in the morning and when we arrived at the camp we grouped up with rest of the volunteers and two of my best friends are already there and we pretty much spent the entire day arguing rather it is her or not.

They were identical, the same kind and lovely face with the beautiful smile the exact characteristics but with one major difference she has green eyes and I don’t blame my friend for not realizing the difference they never saw Darya and what they knew of her was what I had described.

It wasn’t until after lunchtime that they convinced me to go talk to her “MEER you have been looking for her EVERYWHERE and now that she is here you are just being shy and hiding in a corner???” shouted aros while glaring toward her, to be honest even though the first thing I noticed about Darya was her sky blue eyes and this girl clearly lacked those, aros encouraged me into talking to the girl and a part of me wanted to know who she was and if she was related with Darya or not.

She was busy taking pictures of a kid sitting on one of our packages, it was a boy probably 2 or 3 and he was playful so I didn’t really blame her for not noticing me the first time I called her (yes she was a photographer too...), "you look like Darya but I know for a fact Darya had blue eyes and your are green but your tone, your face, the way you behave resemble her a lot... my friends insist that you are Darya and at this point I am not sure anymore either..” she looked at the picture she had taken and then at me she said “Hello” while smiling and then added “I am her sister actually” I explained that I am one of her friends and that I am worried a bit considering that she has deactivated her social media and none of our mutual friends have any news of her; she surprised me by saying “ I know who you are, Darya told me about you. You have a cat right?” “uhum, yeah I do!” I might have sounded weird but I wasn’t even paying attention to the conversation anymore I was just thinking what else she might have told her about me and why would she tell her about me.

At the end of the event when we got back to the office I talked to her again and  she  assured me Darya was fine and the reason she wasn’t with us today is that she had to go to university I asked her if there was a way for me to get in touch with her she hesitated for a moment but handed me her phone and said “write what you want in the notepad, I will show it to her...

any logical person would have written something nice and reasonable or something that would attract their attention, me?

I wrote my number, my snapchat, and a simple sentence:

“wanna join the earth is a cat society?” with a smiley face next to it and it wasn’t until I got home and told my friend about it that I realized how badly I had messed up...

To Be Continued If Anything New Happens...

ALSO shoutout to kaylee for encouraging me to post this.. I made a new Tumblr account for this since I couldn’t remember anything about my old one..

[quantumchickpea]

Le Noir Tattoo is back!! (Links: fanfiction.net-https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12853172/1/Le-Noir-Tattoo and AO3-https://archiveofourown.org/works/14452242/chapters/33385506 )

Le Noir Tattoo was a popular tattoo shop in Paris. People traveled from around the world to get a tattoo from the infamous Chat Noir. It was a black cat themed shop. The floors were a matte black stone and the walls were flat black. Each tattoo artist’s art covered the walls around their stations. Two bright neon green cat eyes greeted you on the entrance wall behind a giant grey front desk.

Chat Noir sat at his station drawing up his next client’s tattoo. It was a traditional styled ladybug with multiple black spots and a quote from a famous designer was inscribed beneath it in an elegant font. Chat Noir was known for his text art abilities and his traditional style. He was flexable of course and could mold to any style a client asked for, but he specialized in old school traditional tattoos and script.

Bullet For My Valentine blasted through the speakers and he bobbed his head to the song, Tears Don’t Fall.

“Chat, your clients here!” Nino called out from the front desk and he looked up from his drawing.

“Thanks, man.” Chat set his red pencil down and stood up from his black bar stool.

He walked into the front area and held out his hand towards the client. “I’m Chat Noir. I’m almost done drawing up your piece. You can come sit in my station while I finish it up. Marinette , right?” He had talked with her on the phone previously to get a feel for her style and what she was looking for and to give her a price point.

She took in his tight black jeans, black deep v-neck tee, and black converse. He had a full sleeve tattoo on his left arm done in primarily black ink with accents of neon green. Both of his ears were pierced with 10mm black gauges and he had a silver septum piercing. His blonde hair was styled messy and hung slightly into his eyes. His eyes were the greenest she’d ever seen and her heart faltered.

Chat raised an eyebrow at the girl in front of him with his arms crossed across his chest. “You okay?”

The girl appeared to be around his age… in her late twenties. She had midnight blue hair and it was past her shoulders. Her black shadowed eyes were shockingly blue and sparked in the light of the shop. Her lips were a deep burgundy and her ears were pierced with red 8mm gauges. She wore tight fitted crimson skinny jeans with a form fitting black t-shirt. His eyes fell to her mouth, as she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.

He found himself licking his lips, distracted by her. “I’m sorry. D-did you w-want to sit down and wait for me to finish up your tattoo?” Chat pointed behind him towards his work station with his thumb. She noticed that his nails were painted with black nail polish and that it was chipped at the edges.

The girl shook her head. “Uh- yeah, sure.” She nervously tangled her fingers together in front of her and watched his back, as he lead her to his area.

He pulled the chair out that he was going to use for her and she sat on it.

Chat groaned, as he sat back on his bar stool. He stretched his arms behind his head and sighed. “So. We’re putting this on your right shoulder blade?”

“Yes.” The girl smiled.

“Alright, have you ever had a tattoo before?” Chat peered at her. He always wanted to know what he was dealing with.

Marinette nervously shook her head. “No, this is my first one.”

“Alright, Well, I’ll finish drawing this up. Then we’ll set you up. I’ll transfer the template onto your skin. Then we’ll start with making a dot before I do the outline. That way if you can’t handle the pain… you don’t have a half assed tattoo on your shoulder.” Chat laughed and spun his stool so that he faced her piece he was finishing up.

“Can I look at it?” Marinette peered over at him from her seat.

“If you like. It’s not finished yet, obviously.” Chat laughed and moved his hand to show her.

Her eyes sparkled and she suddenly smiled over at him. Her face was meer inches from his. “It’s beautifully drawn and perfect! Thank you, Chat. You really are as good as they say.”

Chat chuckled and waved his hands over his drawing. “Wait, wait, wait! You haven’t even seen it tattooed on your skin yet. Hold the compliments till after it’s actually finished on you.”

Marinette smiled and sat back down. “Can’t wait.”

Chat shook his head and went back to finishing her piece. Something about this girl was gonna stay in his mind for days, maybe even weeks. IF he could even get her out of his shop. He might just make her stay. He smirked at the thought and a blush went to his cheeks.

Song: Tears Don’t Fall by Bullet for my Valentine

[elkboy]

Pedantic Peter

Inspector Kermit was on his last leg. The case that he had been working on for over a year was finally coming to an end, but there was one thing that bothered him. For the first time in a career spanning two decades, he was not so sure about the man he was going to prosecute. Kermit was a perfectionist and knowing everything was crucial to his success.

His mental check-list had him asking questions: is the suspect clean, thoughtful and scientifically inclined or was he/she a general fuck up? what did the suspect eat every morning? did they like to establish a routine in order to focus on a craft or did their lives involve waddling around, eating and taking the occasional shit?

On a normal day, the answers were laid bare, but this time something was 'off' and he couldn't quite place his finger on what was wrong. The suspect, Roosemar Pheloosh is a renowned screenwriter and abstractionist. His work is so great that it often falls outside the realm of criticism. Everything he produced until now was so edgy, visceral and brilliant that Kermit had to think twice before locking him down.

He was currently at one of Mr. Roosemar's many ‘safe-houses', looking for any bits of evidence that could cement his deductions. He achieved this by sitting on a chair and meditating while his assistant, Detective Gomez looked for hidden secrets.

Kermit was a simple, but sharp man. He wore a bold dark suit with a red shirt inside. A slick black tie hung perfectly from his neck. His attire matched a brown leather watch that he wore on his left hand. The watch had an imprint of an 'elk' under the clock-face. He was sitting on a wooden chair in the middle of the room for over an hour— eyes closed and hands placed inwards on his lap. Subtle breathing was given away, only by the minute displacements of his tie. He was in a state of deep awareness. By focusing on the breath, the concoction of images and thoughts that pulverized him at first were slowly disappearing like clouds in thin air.

Kermit could always count on the 'morning sitting' to clear out his thoughts. The meditations helped him be more stable. However, this time it was not a matter of simple relaxation. He was trying to speak to the man that was hiding in his subconscious. This 'elusive' man, was a concept that Kermit could swear by. He could always radio-in whenever he needed help. The elusive man usually showed him what he needed to see at that very moment. It was up to Kermit to take his advice— or warnings —about the state of things to come.

Trying to contact the elusive man by focusing on the breath was a similar experience to tuning a stringed instrument. One had to focus on the movements of the abdomen by catching the breath in its natural rhythm. While resting on the breath, a comfortable middle ground had to be found between being too relaxed and too wound up; a balance between being lethargic and rigid. If a string on a guitar is too loose, it has a lazy...blubbery sound; too tight and it produces an over-enthusiastic tink, tink. For a chord to have the desired effect, the tension of the strings must be balanced. In just the same way, one had to attain an unwavering and delicate focus on the breath.

Kermit was now perfectly in tune. With his back straight and feet flat on the ground he resembled an antenna that was ready to receive and send signals. An image of the man slowly started to appear— like a television in his mind. The man's figure was like any other person but his face kept switching features like it was unable to decide. This 'twitching' mostly affected the jaw line and forehead. Caucasian for a few seconds then hispanic for half. Only his eyes remained consistent throughout. An imprint of the man was on a blank canvas but soon enough, a 32X32 grid based system was imposed and pixels of varying colors started to bleed in from all sides.

A purple sun filled-in two and a half bigger grid-squares while the surrounding area was dabbed with ominous streaks of colors that were two to three shades lighter than the sun. The ground was made of sharp white sand that supported a strange circular room. Kermit could slowly feel himself. He entered the room. The elusive man was standing atop a table. His jawline, still unreadable but Kermit could tell that he was proud of his latest work. The man was after all responsible for constructing dreamscapes when Kermit was asleep at night. An engineer of the dream.

A subtle bell-like sound came from the man's core as if to request Kermit's attention. The engineer looked at the watch on his hand and froze in place. Perfectly still, he resembled the living embodiment of an instructional manual. Kermit registered this and looked at his watch. The imprint of the elk under the clock-face was gone. The hour markings were replaced with head to heel caricatures of Roosemar Pheloosh, the suspect. Roosemar's figure was down sized and drawn inside of a watch. Each hour-marking was slightly different. It took Kermit a while to notice, that all the caricatures collectively formed the frames of an animated loop. The suspect's face was mimicked perfectly and each frame had an impeccable amount of detail. Every hour, progressively showed Roosemar's figure losing visibility and eventually disappearing. Kermit thought hard to make something of it. He then looked up from his watch and waited for the elusive man.

The man suddenly shifted position with military confidence. His hands were pointing to the other tables beside him. A grid system was slowly phasing-in around the suggested area. They were accurately being filled-in with what seemed to be heads belonging to Roosemar, but this time it was to scale. Both the heads were identical but Kermit was starting to see minute differences. Two to be precise: a thicker brow on one and a small mark under the eye of the other.

The man then switched-off and fell lifeless onto the floor— like a ragdoll. Legs tucked underneath the spine with head and heel facing each other. Hands in obtuse angles to the center of the body. Kermit was left alone to analyze. He thought for a while but came up empty. It didn't seem like there was an epiphany hitting him anytime soon. What was the elusive man trying to tell him? Throughout his career as a deductionist, he always knew what things meant. This time everything was void. An absolute zero. Kermit was slowly shuffling into a bad mood. He could feel his metaphysical self tensing up. A mucky soup of irritatingly convoluted thoughts were forcing his transcendent state, out the window. Anger was taking control and the ground under him was starting to feel a bit loose, creaking with every step Kermit took to balance himself. The circular room was closing in, its circumference getting smaller. Kermit could feel sweat dripping down his brow, the pain of uncertainty creeping in. He let out a well-timed scream, as the dreamscape began to collapse.

"Gomez, I'm not so sure about the case!“, Kermit said, erupting from his meditation chair like a hot geyser.

“But sir, all of the evidence we have so far makes sense.”, Gomez said, trying not to laugh. He felt a pinch of happiness seeing the ever-tranquil Kermit in such a mess.

"Yes, I’m aware of that. There’s something else going on here, though. This whole ‘Roosemar’ situation is surrounded by a deep mystery. We have all the facts and they’re all solid but I just feel like there’s more to this. It was all too simple.”, Kermit said as he paced around the room feverishly while Gomez watched him.

Something doesn't add up, Kermit thought. Why would he leave his keys by the bedstand when he drinks this much caffeine? Why was the victim left unscathed? Most importantly, why was he shown two copies of Roosemar’s head? Kermit was still pacing about, talking to himself in a hushed tone. The nerves on his forehead looked like they were about to pop. The room went quiet for a minute until something caught Kermit’s eye. A white sheet of paper sat peacefully on a dull wooden table. Kermit felt a calm breeze enter through the window and soothe his forehead. He walked up to the table and read the contents of the paper. It was a script for a film of some kind.                                                     

Pedantic Peter                      

A script by Roosemar Pheloosh and Tambourine Smith                                             

The scene opens in a strange basement laboratory located in the mucky,deeply-industrialised Penwick city. The city has nothing but pipes and engines for vast stretches. A slice of which is visible through a grill high up on a wall in the lab. Two scientists Peter and Garcia can be seen working on an experiment. Various filters,computers,charts of algorithms,dead garden-cats,snails and bottles of wax can be seen strewn about long tables. Peter is an alarmingly tall man with hair like the spikes of a cactus. His assistant Garcia is short and sleepy-eyed. He reeks of a visible green trail of 'laziness'.

Peter: I don't know about you, but something's amiss.

Garcia: Padrone, you are looking for something?

Peter: Well, Subject A has a mark on the posterior segment but Subject B is smooth as far as the eye can see.

Garcia: Longworms will be longworms, Padrone.

Peter: Open your eyes. They are both the same, yet so different!

Garcia: Peter, my eyes are open. But, not for long. I can feel a blanket of sleep coming over me.

Peter: Garcia, you fuck! We are so close. Flawless cloning is just a few embellishments away. You can’t give up on me now!

Garcia: They will be pleased with everything we have at this very moment! We don't need to make sure that every graft of skin is the same! You worry too much Peter. It is time to relax.

Garcia walks up to a small refrigerator. A dead meer-cat blocks the door. Garcia flings the carcass across the room. He opens the refrigerator, grabs two bottles of liquid beer, walks up to Peter and offers it to him.Peter refuses.

Peter: I haven't shown you this but... I think that now is a perfect time.

Peter pulls out a wallet from under his lab coat. A dead snail falls onto the floor, the sound of its shell cracking is barely audible.He takes a thin piece of folded paper from a secret compartment in his wallet. The paper contains an image of the Menger Sponge Fractal. He holds it up dangerously close to Garcia's face.

Peter: You see this? Everything is paced perfectly with arithmetic precision. There's a rhythm, a continuation all up to the Apex. A fractal that speaks volumes of self-similarity. I have to say, Garcia, after I first set eyes on this, everything around me has morphed into a parable for symmetry. All we have to do is replace the Sierpinski Carpet fractal with this and I guarantee, the result will be a perfect clone.

Garcia: A job's a job, Peter. You've gotta learn to space it out. Besides, when a thing is finished in some way or form, learn to let it go.

Garcia takes off his lab coat and leaves the basement. Peter has lost faith in the people around him as nobody shares his eye for detail. He looks at the fractal one last time, while he walks to a terminal that is attached to a transparent enclosure. He makes an alteration to the algorithm, looks a Longworm in the eye and pushes a button. The machine shakes violently. Smoke seeps out of it like a waterfall covering the entire room with a thick white haze. From the opening, a purple gland breaks through the smoke like a houdini, its succulent body moving by centimeters. Peter's eyes are fixed on what could be a success. Was the effort worthy of praise? The gland reveals more of itself. Several orifices can be seen on the side of its body. They have an outline that glows. The color of the light is deep blue. The orifices open its sphincters to reveal horribly sharp teeth. Peter has seen enough. It turned out to be worse than he had imagined. He picks up a stool and smashes the mutated clone to bits. The machine shakes in response as if to mourn for its creation. Peter falls to the floor with his head in his hands. A bolt from the machine ricochets and hits a small storage hanger on the ceiling. Peter wails loudly, his voice reverberating through the lab, as medium-sized animal carcasses fall onto him from above.  

SCENE ENDS

Kermit puts the script down. "We've solved the case" he said as he placed the wooden chair in its original position next to the table. A deceptive knot was finally untangled. Kermit was sure that it was Roosemar and asked Gomez to call it in. All of the evidence made sense so it was rather unquestionable. This was not the situation a few minutes ago however, as Kermit struggled with the few remaining pieces. All he had to do was loosen the pressure that Uncertainty had instilled on him. Its dark depths sucking away every morsel of his ability to make a decision.There comes a point when a ‘concept' becomes too intertwined like an impenetrable jungle. If its meaning can be abstracted in a single sentence then that is enough.  

Gomez was relieved to find out that he could go home. He did not grasp what had happened and gave up entirely on trying to figure out the causes and conditions of Kermit's confusion. Maybe this was a good thing as his mind was sitting perfectly still with no ripples on the surface. He yawned, as he walked up to his car as if to acknowledge the end.

Kermit, on the other hand, was thankful for the experience of imbibing something new. After all, learning is the only profound remnant of the strange world we live in. Before returning home that night, he picked up an artist's rendition of the Menger Sponge Fractal. He nailed it onto the wall behind his bed and went into a deep sleep.