#she's like. their fairy godmother but better cause she isn't a fairy

[naivesilver]

ASK MEME HUH? 😏 prepare yourself here :^)

okay okay so. (for the kid fic ask) 2 or 8 (toddler) or 3 (teenager)? with any parent child combination you feel like

I know this is a prime chance to write some angst but I have entered silly mode at some point lately so you get AU silliness only SLIGHTLY tinged with angst, I hope that's alright ssadkajshdnkbfk

(It also got longer than I'd anticipated, F in the chat for us all)

Kid/Parent Fic Prompts

3. "Everyone makes mistakes, it's okay."

"Hey, August, your dad said I'd find you..." Emma trails off, stopping halfway through the door as she takes in the scene before her. "...here. What are you guys doing?"

To Marco's credit, his son is, in fact, sitting in the shed just like the man had said. The only issue is that he's not alone - in fact, a swooping three of the kids in his care are crowded around him, typewriter pushed to the side as they peer at something taking center place on the table.

August looks up from it momentarily to shoot her a slight grin, which does nothing to soothe her confusion. "Scientific research."

"On a lamp? Thought that had been patented a while ago."

"Yes, but this is a monad lamp. We're trying to figure out if there's actually a cricket in here."

Emma's gaze moves to the object in question, eyebrows raised. "And that other guy's letting you? Isn't this literally attached to his hip most of the time?"

"We traded for the day!" The smallest of the puppets chirps excitedly, all but bouncing on August's knee. "Gina's showing him around, and we get to hang out with Gemini!"

"I see."

The problem with these kids, in Emma's mind, is that while they might have fairly contrasting personalities, there's something in them that betrays their connection even at first glance. Cedar's a sweet girl and the strange one with the metal arm is prone to brooding, and the two younger boys (she needs to find better nicknames to differentiate them than Big One and Little One, honestly - they bring to mind Tweedledee and Tweedledum, sometimes, but they'd probably take offense to that) are just unruly children like any other, and still they all share faint traces of past events that make her understand August a little bit more.

Right now, for example, the man has got a boy perched on his lap and Cedar leaning onto his shoulder, the other boy sitting on the tabletop with his ruined legs dangling over the edge, and yet they're all looking at her like they're about to tell her to take a leap of faith...or blow something up and ask her for help, at least, given Big Pinocchio's tendencies and those of the guy they call P. Emma should be backing away before it's too late, honestly.

"Doesn't that thing talk, anyway?" She hears herself asking instead, as if that were the most pressing matter. "Can't you just ask?"

"He's recharging," Cedar replies, ever the most helpful of them all. "That's why P left him at home. Grandfather said Gemini's not allowed to be around us unsupervised anymore, since the last time he tried to teach some nasty words to-"

"Hey!" The Pinocchio sitting on the table glares at her, a thunderous look on his face. "That's none of your business! Don't be a snitch!"

"It's not snitching if it's true! You only want to know because you've got a point to prove, anyway."

The boy sniffs haughtily, turning away. "I don't need to prove anything. I'm right. We've all got a cricket, so P should have one too."

"You're wrong. I never got a cricket, and Dad doesn't have one either-"

Emma can clearly see August barely stifling a laugh, the bastard. "Don't let Jiminy hear you say that, Cedar- I can assure you, he helped me quite a lot before he got a degree."

"I don't have a cricket," the little one says, beaming, seemingly unbothered by the squabble. "I just have Gina."

"Gina counts."

"Gina does not count, she's a duck." Cedar sighs, shaking her head of dark curls. "Why are you so worried about this, anyway? Your cricket isn't here, either."

One would expect Big Pinocchio to have a snappish retort for that, as well, and yet, none comes. Instead he seems to curl even further into himself, his glower even deeper, like a turtle tucking head and tail into its shell. "Yeah, but he was there," he mutters, much lower than before. "No one else could see him, so they thought I was making him up, but I wasn't. He was real, and I wasn't crazy."

The two adults exchange a look, the mood grown a tad more somber all of a sudden. This, perhaps, is the other thing these children have in common, and it's much less amusing than the first one - they have had some awful experiences already, for being so young, and sometimes they mention it in such an offhanded way, it sounds like everyday stuff, like making the bed or running errands.

Maybe it was everyday stuff for them, before. That doesn't make it more reassuring, either.

"That's okay." August sounds softer, too, as he leans closer to the boy and tries to meet his eyes. "We know you're not crazy. Those boys in your old school- they didn't have the full picture. Everyone makes mistakes, when they don't have the full picture."

And that, a smidge more teasing, once he has finally gotten Pinocchio to look up: "And I mean everyone. You know, Emma here, she didn't believe I was made of wood, in the beginning. Guess who proved her wrong later."

"Seriously?" Emma exhales heavily, relieved that her friend has been able to handle the situation so well and yet resigned to the fact that August continues to be, well, himself. "You only butt into this argument to throw me to the wolves?"

"You wouldn't want me to get in the way of a scientific debate, do you?"

If this were a normal conversation between the two of them, she would tell him to stop being so cheeky; but as it is, there are three more people in the room with them right now, people who have barely stopped looking wary and guarded before returning to their analysis of an otherworldly piece of machinery. There is little Emma can do beside playing along, distracting them from whatever effects the past still has on them all. She owes them that, at least.

"Alright," she says, dragging a spare stool closer and finding a spot near the table, mindless to how Cedar moves to lean on her instead, as is the nature of things.

"Let's crack this, then. I came over to ask something else, but you guys got to me. Show me what you've got, Gemini."

[gamerbearmira]

You know, I always loved fairytales, and those episodes of TV shows where the characters are part of a fairytale or in a fairytale setting were always fun for me. A fairytale AU would be super cool, where the Madrigals are all royalty, and each Madrigal is the protagonist of a different fairytale.

Alma is the beauty from Beauty and the Beast, Pedro didn't die, he was cursed and ran away after an angry mob attacked him, he hides in a dark castle in order to protect his family from the angry mob and watches over his family from a distance, whether or not Alma knows what happened is up for debate.

Julieta is the princess from the Princess and the Frog, Agustin is the frog of course, that's why he's so clumsy, the story is basically the same as Julieta helps Agustin break his curse.

Pepa is the Snow Queen, after being bullied as a child for her weather powers, she shuts herself off from others until Felix, the Kai of the story, comes along, he can only sees the bad in the world due to a shard of the cursed mirror in his eye but doesn't see fault in Pepa's perfect snowflakes, Pepa falls in love and helps Felix's sister, the Gerda of the story, break the curse of the mirror shard.

Bruno is the protagonist of The Golden Goose, he wanders into the jungle to hide from bullies and offers some of the food he has on him to an old man, who guides him to the Golden Goose, as Bruno makes his way back home, many people try and steal feathers from the goose and end up getting stuck, they are only freed when Bruno comes home and his family ignores the goose as they embrace him, as he had been gone for hours and they had been worried.

Isabela is Sleeping Beauty, cursed at birth by an evil fairy to prick her finger and sleep forever unless she is given a kiss of true love, when she pricks her finger, everyone thinks Mariano can break the curse, but of course he isn't her true love, so it doesn't work, Julieta ends up being the one to break the curse with a forehead kiss.

Dolores is Cinderella, after Mariano discovers he isn't Isabela's true love, he holds a ball to try and find his true love, Alma is very embarrassed by what happened with Isabela and refuses to let any Madrigal attend, so Dolores has to sneak out with the help of her fairy godmother, when she leaves her shoe behind and Mariano starts looking for her, she ends up coming clean to her family and admitting her feelings for Mariano so she can try on the shoe.

Luisa is the princess from The Princess and the Pea, she gets lost in a different kingdom during a trip and seeks shelter at the kingdom's castle, the Queen doesn't believe Luisa is a real Princess due to her 'un-princess-ly stature' and gives her the pea test, the next day the rest of the Madrigals show up at the palace begging for help to find Luisa, Alma and Julieta give the Queen an earfull when they're told what happened, and poor Luisa is given a week off of chores to rest.

Camilo is Jack from Jack and the Beanstalk, he trades a piece of jewelry for the magic beans, he didn't really believe the beans were magical he just didn't like the jewelry he had and wanted to get rid of it, once the beanstalk grows, he climbs it out of curiosity and takes the opportunity to cause some mischief when he finds the giant, including stealing a goose that lays golden eggs and a harp that plays itself, needless to say he gets in massive trouble when he gets home and Alma returns the items to the giant with a sincere apology.

Mirabel is Little Red Riding Hood, Alma is visiting her family who lives on the other side of the jungle when she gets sick, since she's too sick to make the journey back home, Julieta sends Mirabel with a basket of food to help her get better, the 'wolf' she encounters is actually her Abuelo Pedro, still cursed, he keeps Mirabel safe on her journey and Mirabel is able to reunite Pedro and Alma.

Antonio is the Pied Piper of Hamelin, he uses his flute to help with a rat infestation and decides to keep the rats as pets, but when people start bullying him for having rats as pets, calling the rats disgusting and Antonio himself diseased, he releases the rats back into the town until they apologize, both to him and the rats.

I LOVE FAIRYTALES TOO!!! THEY’RE SO SILLY!!!

All of these are so cool and fit so well. Tbh I like Alma, Luisa, Mirabel, Antonio and Pepa’s. I mean all of them are so rad, but those have my heart‼️‼️ They’re all so unique and. Love how some of them tie into each other. And all of them fit so well with each of the Madrigals and that is just so cool tbh. Love seeing AUs like that. AND PEDRO MENTIONED 🗣️🗣️🗣️ YEAHHHHHH

Wanted to draw Alma and Pepa but didn’t :((((

LOVE THIS AU RAHHHHHH 🗣️🗣️🤠🤠🤠🤠🦅🦅🦅🦅

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

okay I just have to say this because I have been thinking about this for the past week since the image of elody finding gerard's cold dead froggy body, the heel of cinderella's glass slipper sticking out of his chest, first entered my mind and now its canon and I don't know how to deal with this. elody lost her husband. their relationship was messy and complicated and it wasn't all or even mostly good, but that doesn't make the loss any easier. because once upon a time, gerard was her best friend. he was her other half, the person she wanted to share the rest of her life with. and a part of her did begin to grieve this loss long before breath left gerard's body. for a very long time she has mourned the relationship and the life that she thought that she would have. and when he died, any hope of resolution or even just closure died with him. she was just left with all of the things that she never said and all of the things she never heard from him.

but then there he is. they're in a different realm and doesn't look the same as he ever did in their realm, and she knows that he holds the same memories as her gerard, but for a moment she can distance herself by pretending this gerard isn't her gerard, but when he starts to speak, it's not even the words he says, it's the way he says them, and she can't pretend anymore. and suddenly he's standing in front of her, saying all of the things she'd never dreamt he would say, that he was sorry and that he should have been by her side, but she doesn't even know what to do with that now, now that's he's died, now that she's mourned him, now that he's standing front of her living once again

On a separate note, I think it's very possible even likely that elody does know the princesses' real goal and agreed to it. because someone who was just destroyed by the sight of her dead husband's body isn't in the right headspace to make the kind of decision like "hey there's a big red button that will end the universe and therefore all suffering will you help us press it?" there is no elody more hopeless than one who grew to resent this man she once loved so deeply because he refused to fight only to find him dead in battle. she found her cowardly husband not just slain but having taken the heel of cinderella's glass slipper into his own chest to ensure that the fairy godmother could not cause any more harm. why wouldn't she lose faith that there was a purpose for existing?

The question now is whether or not gerard alive again, telling her he wants to make things better, is enough for her to believe again

[gojifan97]

AU where Lady Tremaine keeps her word & the 2 stepsisters never destroy Cinderella's original pink-white dress, so no pumpkin-turned-carriage, no rags-turned-ballgown, & of course, no glass slippers.

Now, I haven't seen Cinderella in a LONG but let's give this a whirl!

Lady Tremaine considers destroying the dress, but then decides that her chances are better with three girls than two. After all, Cinderella is far more beautiful than the other two and isn't the kind who'd take vengeance if she gained power even after all they did. Instead she sends the other two girls out and makes Cinderella swear that if Tremaine assists her, she'll arrange for the stepsisters to be married to men of noble houses and for Tremaine to be on the royal court.

Cinderella agrees to the first two, but not the third, seeing the obvious attempt by Tremaine to keep her from escaping Tremaine's control (the one thing she really wants). Instead she gives a counter offer of giving Tremaine a good title and estate, giving her plenty of prestige beyond being the queen's mother. Tremaine is incensed but agrees, seeing the gains as being greater than the losses.

When they're introduced, the prince takes interest in Cinderella, but not quite as much, so he waits to greet the other women before seeking her.

Cinderella meets another girl, who describes a home life worse than Cinderella's that she urgently needs to escape from, saying this is her only chance. Despite her own wishes, and Tremaine's express denial Cinderella helps her reach the prince.

Instead the girl points out Cinderella so the prince can find her. This was the fairy godmother, testing how far Cinderella's kindness went. The answer was really far.

Cinderella and the Prince fall in love and are soon engaged and married. Cinderella first arranges the stepsisters to be separated from Tremaine so they'd be away from her toxic influence. This causes both to improve, allowing Cinderella to find suitors who fulfilled her promise to Tremaine but would also love the sisters and vice versa, since she refuses to let any party languish in a loveless marriage. It is possible Cinderella would be willing to befriend them, but it would take a lot of work on their part.

Tremaine is given an estate in a somewhat isolated location. She doesn't care, Cinderella knew she wouldn't. In their final meeting Cinderella makes clear to Tremaine she is not to abuse her servants. She also expresses the desire that Tremaine would become a better woman, regardless of how Cinderella feels about her (though she privately doubts that will happen). Cinderella prepares to leave, so Tremaine smugly asks that she give her final parting words, her last shot at her stepmother. Cinderella knows she wants to.

Cinderella instead choose to forgive Tremaine. This is the only time she's ever put Tremaine at a loss for words, to the point that Tremaine looks like Cinderella sentenced her to have burning coals poured on her head.

Cinderella bids the noblewoman farewell with perfect poise, politeness, dignity and absolutely no warmth. She leaves in her carriage, and soon all thoughts of Tremaine are gone for good, replaced by her happily thinking of her prince who happily greets her when she arrives.

And they lived happily ever after.

[diamondcrownacademy]

DCA Info Part 35: The Dorm Leaders Unique Magic Explained

Art colored by @au-ni-ro

🍎 Evonie - Her unique magic is a reference to Snow White's animal companions who comforted her when she was overwhelmed with fear. It relates to Evonie's loneliness, with very little friends to really trust, the animals are the only ones she can count on to have her back.

👠 Ella - Her unique magic is a reference to Cinderella's limited magic from her fairy godmother. Ella wants to make everything beautiful but it can only last so long, so she intends to make the most of it until it fades off.

🐰 Allison - Her unique magic ties in with her desire to run away into a more better place like Alice, she doesn't want to her father nagging to her about impressing some big shots just so he can climb the social ladder.

🌹 Briar - Her unique magic is a reference to the gifts of the three good fairies, Princess Aurora was blessed to have three gifts that made her special. Briar's unique magic made her special as well as powerful, but sadly she is never acknowledged.

🐠 Cerule - Her unique magic ties into her ability to hide injuries she got like small scrapes and cuts to make sure she isn't suspected of sneaking out, just like Ariel

📚 Rozeline - Her unique magic is tied to her desire to protect but like Belle, she is unable to convince people that she isn't dangerous nor a monster.

🏝️ Vidya - Her unique magic ties in with her need to be on guard, she uses her golems to give her the image of a reliable but powerful ruler to her subjects.

🐲 Jinlong - Her unique magic represents her desire to remove the biased expectation on gender while also making sure not to cause unnecessary harm to other people.

🐻 Elu - Her unique magic is a reference to the guiding wind from Pocahontas, she was young and had so much to learn until she found her path. Elu may be a reliable dorm leader but there is still so much she needs to know.

🐸 Perrine - Her unique magic ties in with controlling her circumstances, she wants to make sure her loved ones don't go back to poor living conditions and she won't leave those who are in need either.

[masterfuldoodler]

Hi hello so I actually loved Cinderella when I was little (especially the third one tbh like sorry but yeah) and actually it really bothers me when people Cancel the movie because it has a bad message. So yeah these are just some thoughts about it because why not.

Okay so let's say that Cinderella's dream is to find someone who loves her (probably a man to marry) and be free from the abusive relationship she's stuck in. There's nothing wrong with that. That is a valid dream. It isn't wrong to dream of finding someone, and it isn't wrong to wish to get out of an abusive relationship. People act like she's waiting around to get rescued, but sir this girl has a busy day full of chores. Now I'm no expert but you would normally have a staff and a butler take care of your house, cook food, clean, take care of the animals. We see her do all of that. That's several people's jobs. She's kept busy running a house. That's how her stepmother keeps her there. People say it's a bad message because you should save yourself, but no stop look at her, she has no money, no outside connections. The only characters that care about her at the beginning are mice. Realistically there's no way out for her. And who knows exactly what kind of doubt in her dreams she might struggle with. Maybe she has bad days when things are too hard and really how can any place be better then here?

Okay and also like, if you're going to claim that she just gets rescued by a prince, what about the fairy godmother? The fairy godmother literally appeared out of nowhere and sent her off to live her dreams. So like,,, it wasn't a prince that magically fixed her life.

Also speaking of the fairy godmother, Cinderella tried her best to go to that ball. And her best efforts were torn apart. What else do you want her to do? That's why a magic fairy helps her. Because there's nothing she Can do. First chance we see she gets she tries to leave her home, but she is stopped. Her stepmother is too powerful. "She could have fought back." One of the Points of her as a character is "be kind and gentle, despite the bad", that's why she befriends the mice (mice that she could have set up traps to get rid of, they could have been getting into the food, causing trouble. She was in charge of the kitchen and would probably get in trouble for that. Do you ever stop and wonder why there was mouse traps around the house? She wouldn't have put them up. But anyway.) She didn't have to befriend them, but she Did, because that's who she is. That's her type of fighting. Keeping a kind of beauty in the world.

Cinderella tried to go to the ball on her own. She tried to leave, and needed help. But it was her idea to go in the first place, she didn't wait until the prince said "hey are you sure All the girls came?" And she didn't wait until the fairy godmother said "hey there might be a man there" she saw an opening, a chance for her dream and jumped. Then she gets to meet him and falls in love, and yknow the story she loses the shoe and he goes looking for her. She actually gets locked in a room so that she can't talked to the duke??? Y'all remember that? She needed her mice friends to help her break out, remember?? Does that not count or idk since she's trying to get to a Man we're going to excuse it.

Okay but I'm also seeing what they're pointing out, yknow like, you could change the plot and make her succeed at fighting. But also don't change it? She needed outside help because guys you need a support group. Don't push through life and hard times on you're own. You need friends to help and support you. You can't do things on you're own. Cinderella got saved, but not because she was waiting for someone to do it for her, but because she tried to do it on her own and couldn't, and someone who cared came along and said "do you need help?" and she said "yes please". That isn't weak. It isn't bad to teach children that being kind is better than getting what you want in life. It isn't bad to teach children that there will be people who will help you make your dream come true. It isn't bad, and it is something we should tell children.

The point of Cinderella is hope. Hoping when it's hard that it's worth dreaming of better things. And that better things will happen. That there is a strength to hoping against the odds. In this essay I will—

Tdlr; Cinderella did fight for her dreams, she just is a gentle person and you guys are being mean. Stop saying her dream is bad.

[faith-trustpixiedust]

So we were all at least a little disappointed in the royal wedding special, as I assumed we would be. That's why for the past month or so, I've been planning my own version of Mal and Ben's wedding. I might eventually write a oneshot or even a short fanfic based on my ideas but for now, here's the basics of what I would have put into the special!

Their wedding takes place a few years after their engagement, for a variety of reasons. It gives all of Auradon time to adjust to the new normal of the barrier being taken down. Additionally it takes a lot of pressure off of Ben and Mal; they don't have to worry about facilitating healing villain/hero relationships, starting college, and planning a wedding all at the exact same time.

Carlos is in this, which makes it leagues better than the Disney made wedding already. Also, all of Ben and Mal's friends from the three movies are present, not just Jay, Evie, Dizzy, and Audrey.

The plot doesn't center on Hades accidentally causing problems. Everyone has been through enough, they don't need another Auradon being threatened plot. Instead, it has a lot to do about family: those who you are born with, those who you choose, those who you reject, those who you marry into.

Hades has a moment of feeling like he isn't worthy of walking Mal down the aisle, he thinks that since he wasn't around for her childhood, he shouldn't have such a big part in her wedding. Mal tells him that he's her dad, for better or for worse, and that she wants him to walk her down the aisle. He still insists that he shouldn't be the one to do it, so Evie, Jay, and Carlos all join him. Evie and Hades each on one side of Mal, Jay on Evie's other side, and Carlos on Hades' other side, walking the ring bearer lizard/mother of the bride Maleficent. There's also a Space Between moment between the core four right before Mal walks down the aisle, which makes Evie cry, and she asks Mal "is my mascara smudged?".

Speaking of Hades, Persephone accompanies him as his date to the wedding. Mal is okay with this, and actually is quite happy to have another positive parental figure in her life. Maleficent on the other hand, bites Persephone on the ankle and hisses at her.

Evie is still Mal's maid of honor and dress designer. The other bridesmaids are Uma, Lonnie, Jane, and Celia, with Dizzy as the flower girl. Despite his many, many flaws, Chad is one of Ben's few male friends that isn't more chummy with Mal than he is him, so he's the best man. Doug, Harry, Jay, and Carlos are all groomsmen. Gil is the flower man and accompanies Dizzy down the aisle. It's perhaps the best thing to ever happen to him. Maleficent is the ring bearer, possibly against her will but she didn't run away when asked to do it, so Mal took that as agreement. Fairy Godmother is the officiant. Audrey volunteered to be their wedding planner, which I had actually thought of before seeing the special so props to me I guess?

The wedding has a blue and purple color scheme, with each member of the bridal party wearing a different shade of blue with a purple bouquet/boutonnierre/flower crown. Each of the girls chose her favorite shade, and Evie made them an outfit to match it. The boys' outfits were more assigned at random, but Carlos' suit has shorts, which was very important to him. (Evie forbid Jay from wearing a sleeveless suit jacket and dress shirt and he grudgingly obliged.) Also, Gil's suit is made out of the same material as Dizzy's dress, but I couldn't find that online anywhere so this is just an approximation of what his outfit looks like.

The wedding is a formal ceremony in the early afternoon that takes place at the same chapel that hosted Ben's coronation. The entire kingdom is invited, because Mal didn't want to start someone's villain origin story by not inviting them to her wedding. The ceremony is followed by a reception with high tea instead of a cocktail hour, then a sit down dinner in the evening. Dancing and fireworks end the night. Additionally, Mal has her coronation the day after/a few days after the wedding, to make everything a bit less stressful for her.

For the ceremony, Mal wears a white and light purple ball gown. In my version, it's much more elegant than in Disney's, because at the end of the day, while Mal might have been more comfortable in a more purple gown, it is a royal wedding, which includes a certain amount of tradition. She does wear combat boots underneath though. For the reception, she changes into a purple blue and black color shifting dress with a light purple leather jacket. She wears a light purple gown reminiscent of the one she wore to Ben's coronation for her own coronation, and Evie made all of these dresses for her.

Honestly? I'm not mad at the idea of Ben wearing Auradon regalia like he did at his coronation, Mal's cotillion, or in the royal wedding special. I just want it to be something a bit more...elevated? Especially since he often wears a suit in day to day life.

Maleficent turns human at some point during the reception (I envision her as a lizard similar in size to an Asian water monitor lizard up until that point) because while watching the wedding, she learned to love, and realizes that she wants to be a part of Mal's life. However, she still wears a dramatic black dress entirely inappropriate for her daughter's wedding, because that's just who she is.

They went all out with desserts at the wedding. Mal insisted on chocolate covered strawberries and Ben insisted on the gray stuff. They would have been happy with just that but Audrey freaked at the idea of them not having a cake. They also added chocolate fountains for the many VKs that love them and macarons for the many Auradonians that love them. They also gave out small boxes of sugar covered almonds, as it is a tradition in both Greek and French weddings.

Overall, they keep with a lot of wedding traditions (the first dance, bouquet toss, the first time they see each other being when Mal walks down the aisle), reject some (the garter toss, children as ring bearers and flower girls) as well as embracing new things (writing their own vows, having a painter at the reception to capture the night on canvas).

Anyway, this is just my own wish fulfillment version of Descendants: The Royal Wedding because I feel like Disney Channel really did the fandom dirty with the special they put out. But this is also in no way me saying "wah this is the only way it should have gone!", I love seeing what everyone else wanted from it too!!

Also, if anyone wants to see this written...let me know because I'll definitely do it if there's enough interest.

[maddie-grove]

Little Book Review: Just Ella

Author: Margaret Peterson Haddix.

Publication Date: 1999.

Genre: YA fantasy (fairy tale retelling).

Premise: Ella Brown has defied her evil stepmother, scraped together an outfit, attended the royal ball, and won her prince...and heaven knows she's miserable now. Life in the royal court is both stultifying and cruel, and she's beginning to suspect that the prince has no actual personality. Does she really want this life and, if she doesn't, what can she do instead? Also, will anything fucked up happen if she tries to call off the wedding?

Thoughts: This may not be my favorite "Cinderella" retelling--that title belongs to Gail Carson Levine's Ella Enchanted, one of the first chapter books I ever read--but it is my favorite retelling that's about "Cinderella" as a story. Late in the book, after she's fled the palace and traveled across the country to a war-torn border, Ella overhears a distorted version of her own story: that once there was a poor orphan girl who, with the help of a fairy godmother, married a prince and lived happily ever after. This is far from the truth; Ella managed to get everything she needed for the ball with a combination of hard work, cunning, and some random kindness from a palace guard, not magic, and by now it's obvious that there was nothing good to be found with the prince. However, it is a story that Ella herself once believed on some level: that she had been whisked away from a life of poverty and toil by a handsome, chivalrous man who could make her happy.

That's what I love about this Ella. She's tough and resourceful, and even bitter towards her stepfamily in a very human way that's refreshing in a "Cinderella" retelling. (She doesn't try to get back at them from a position of power, but she openly hates them and doesn't do them any favors.) Yet she's also frequently clueless: starry-eyed about the prince past the point of reason, initially optimistic that she and the royal court can adjust to each other, and not fully aware of the impact (positive or negative) that her beauty has had on her life. At the same time, she's open-minded, curious, and willing to acknowledge her own flaws. Haddix puts a lot of psychological realism into Ella, as well as some truly admirable qualities.

The portrayal of the court is also well-done. It's easy to imagine a worse version of this story, in which Ella is like, "This place sucks, everyone is so stuffy and the women do prissy things like needlework, instead of things that are less obviously girly but still entirely acceptable in 1999." The palace culture is sick in a realistic, tangible way that causes misery both within and without its walls. The ladies must follow a rigid version of femininity that seems to exist solely as a status symbol for the men of the ruling class; Ella, formerly a servant surrounded by working-class women, is rightly skeptical that women can't handle the sight of a joust or a mildly frank conversation about a sick person. Beauty standards are similarly inflexible and perverse; Ella is weirded out that her former extreme skinniness, the result of near-starvation and drudgery, is considered "better" than her body after a few months of decent food. Servants are not merely employees who are paid to do a job; they live and love to serve their "betters," which Ella thinks is bunk. Callousness towards the refugees at the border is also commonplace; Ella thinks she should feel pleased when Prince Charming off-handedly agrees to donate some food to them, but she just finds herself wondering why he didn't do it before if it was so easy for him. The story isn't set in a particular era--there are elements of medieval, Tudor, eighteenth-century, Victorian, and even modern* royal courts here--but there is some powerful specificity about what makes this kind of environment harmful.

*This novel was published in 1999. You can't tell me it wasn't at least a little about Princess Diana.

Hot Goodreads Take: A lot of these pissed me the hell off, I'm not going to lie. I don't know how you can say that Ella never gives the court a chance or whines about nothing, or that the book says that "any woman who follows societal expectations is a vapid bitch." Not every portrayal of a mean feminine woman is an attack on femininity, geez. The criticism regarding the book's fatphobia is more warranted, although I think it's complicated. The stepsisters are both fat, and Ella is kind of snarky about it; however, she also seems genuinely happy at the idea that beauty standards at the palace may become less rigid when she learns that the prince is going to marry one of her stepsisters in her stead. It seems like it's more about the stepsisters than their weight. This still isn't great on Ella's part, but on some level I appreciate the realism.

[purlturtle]

1,5,7,12 for the ask game for Bering & Wells, cause they're your faves

- How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

I'd like to think they fall asleep cuddling, because I've never been able to do that with any of my partners and I'm going hard on the wish fulfilment here. Helena doesn't stick around all night every night; her sleep schedule is messed up from the bronze, so for her to get a solid eight hours is rare. She tries to be there when Myka wakes up, though, because Myka Bering drowsy with sleep is wonderful on a great many levels. They both adore morning lie-ins in bed when they don't have to get up for work. And they read at least a few minutes before bed every day - not snuggling while they do, they just sit side by side and read their respective books.

- What annoys them the most about their partner? Would they change it if they could?

I find this question tricky. As in, I'd only wish to change something about someone if I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that they didn't like that trait either, and also what taking it away would mean to/for that person. Like, I have THE WORST MEMORY EVER, so I'd give my wife permission to name that to any fairy godmother who comes asking - but if I didn't know something like that about my partner, it would seem like such a breach of their agency. So! Maybe long into their relationship, when Myka and Helena know each other and themselves very well, they'll have such a conversation. And maybe Myka names the way in which she always, ALWAYS needs outside validation to allow herself to want something. And maybe Helena names her constant fear of violently losing the ones she loves, a fear that has more than once incapacitated her in the field.

- Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

Helena calls everyone "darling" - that one isn't Myka's. "Love" or "my love", "beloved" and "my beloved" are hers, and hers alone, and she cherishes them every time they fall from Helena's lips. She doesn't think anything she might say could compare, so she only ever uses Helena's name. Her go-to pet name beforehand was "babe" and "baby", but she once got an earful from Helena about the infantilization of that (not because she, Myka, said it; Helena just heard it once too often in a TV show or something), and has bit her tongue ever since. In-jokes: I feel like it's going to take them years of solid, dependable being-in-a-relationship (and probably some therapy too), but at some point they'll start joking about how Helena used to be the bad guy and "but then she got better"

- Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?

I'm a bit on the fence about this. I can read either of them as being opposed to marriage on principle just as easily as I can see them wanting to state, out loud and for the world to witness, that they belong together. I see especially Helena making both the argument that "belonging to" someone is barbarian, and making the argument that she needs hospitals to recognize that she's next of kin to Myka, should anything happen. If they should get married, it's probably not a big surprise proposal, but a conversation first in which they both feel out if they even want to get married. And if that conversation leads to a mutual yes, then maybe the question follows right after - quiet and private, no ring due to the circumstances, but no less binding an agreement for it. And I think their wedding would be small; just their Warehouse fam and perhaps Myka's fam IF Warren has gotten his head out of his arse until then about how he treats Myka. As in, Myka would want them to be there, but she doesn't want him (or any other potentially homophobic family member) to ruin the day. Honeymoon? They're happy if they can get a three-day weekend without pings. And then their Warehouse fam presents them with two weeks off - no calls no emergencies, we can handle it all, you just hop on that plane there - and tickets to the Caribbean. They might even force them to leave phones and Farnsworth behind.

Thanks for the asks, that was great!

[astoria00]

Why Cinder is NOT disposable to Salem

With the latest episode and the strengthening of our suspicion that Penny will be hacked it throws up some questions for Cinder's future at Salem's side. If Watts brings back the Winter Maiden as a puppet and therefore access to the relic he would totally propose her as the better and more safer option as the vessel for the maiden powers.

Thing is, Cinder is not as disposable to Salem as she might appear outwardly, even when Salem herself tries to instill this belief inside her.

Now what makes me say that?

For that we need to look closer to Salem's actions in regards to Cinder.

First of all it is pretty clear that Salem is operating under chess anologies. In that sense she would be the king, the most valuable piece there is, but the one with the weakest reach so far. In vol 1-7 this is entirely fitting for her. In that sense she would be both player and the last front one would need to overcome to win.

Now what would that make Cinder?

The queen.

But wait, isn't that more fitting for Salem to be? After all her symbolism is a black queen and people call her queen. Surely that means she has to be the queen.

Well, yes and no. Salem is both. She is the king and queen. And a part of that is Cinder, who she stripped of any identity outside of her. Vol 1-3 Cinder is the embodiment of Salem and her will. Cinder herself sees herself as that extension to Salem. After all, she is the one talking to the people at Beacon, while the dark queen banner spans over every channel. She is also the one placing the dark queen glass piece in Ironwood's office. One she uses to make her presence known, not necessarily Salem's to lure Ironwood to do something hasty.

So what about the end of vol 7 and beginning of vol 8 then? Salem is clearly not hiding anymore. She now acts more like the queen piece herself.

Well, we have to remember that Salem's queen went into a punishment by isolation after failing her mission at Haven. Of course she now has to step up and let Cinder catch up to them again. Her words to Cinder function more as a reminder to who she is meant to be rather than an actual berating.

So what does this have to do with whether Cinder is replaceable or not?

Easy, Salem's treatment and her indulgence in Cinder, investing time and resources to train the girl up and teach, feed, house and clothe her make it clear that there is a type of bond there. Cinder was groomed and conditioned by her. She was 'chosen' to be Salem's vessel for the maiden powers. And episode 1 of volume 8 showed us that Salem has immense control over Cinder with only just simple gestures and words. Things that aren't easily learned or unlearned.

But wouldn't Penny be a better choice, cause she would be easier to control because she is a robot?

Hm, no actually that would be something I imagine Salem would be wary of. None of her subordinates are mindless robots or puppets for a reason. She knows the power of humans and their emotions. Now Penny is a person with her own feelings and personality, that wouldn't be the case if she was hacked and therefore puppeted. Who knows if a hacked Penny would even be able to use the maiden powers at all. But even if so, someone else, Watts, or Salem herself, would constantly need to control her. And with no emotions to drive them on, no pain, no fear, you fight different. The stakes are different. And one of the most glaring flaws with the Hack Penny plan. Although it could give them a little boost against Ruby and co to fight them, there is always the chance Penny gets free or hacked by someone else as well.

Salem wants people around her who want to fulfill her desires to get their own. The only people that worked with her that didn't do so out of their own free will were Lionheart and Raven and both were threatened and regarded as mere pawns. Not worth Salem's time. Those people were disposable, Cinder, who is more valuable than them and even more than the rest of her team, is not.

Not for Emerald, who would never follow Salem and be near her without Cinder present.

Not Neo, who Salem literally just met and has no clue about whatsoever.

And most importantly not for one of those 'assets' Cinder likes to collect.

Because Salem seems to dislike them immensely. They are Cinder's tag alongs and symbolize her need not to be alone and grow her own sense of identity.

Fact is, she can't recreate what she has with Cinder with someone else at this time. Of course she wants Cinder to partially believe that she could, but only because it keeps her tied to her.

Salem has deliberately chosen Cinder, just like the Fairy Godmother was drawn to Cinderella and I can't wait to see why ^^

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

Charming: Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. And throughout the land, everyone was happy... until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss... of the handsome Prince Charming. It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's keep. For he was the bravest, and most handsome... in all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her-- [gasps] Big Bad Wolf: What? Charming: Princess... Fiona? Big Bad Wolf: No! Charming: Oh, thank heavens. Where is she? Big Bad Wolf: She's on her honeymoon. Charming: Honeymoon? With whom? So she said what's the problem, baby? What's the problem? I don't know Well, maybe I'm in love Think about it every time I think 'bout it Can't stop thinking 'bout it How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it If it's love, love Makes me wanna turn around and face me But I don't know nothing 'bout love Oh, come on, come on - Turn a little faster Come on, come on The world will follow after Come on, come on Everybody's after love So I said I'm a snowball running Running down into this spring that's coming all this love Melting under blue skies belting out sunlight Shimmering love Well, baby, I surrender To the strawberry ice cream Never ever end of all this love Well, I didn't mean to do it But there's no escaping your love These lines of lightning mean we're never alone Never alone, no, no Come on, come on Jump a little higher Come on, come on If you feel a little lighter Come on, come on We were once upon a time in love Hyah! We're accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally in love Accidentally I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love, I'm in love Accidentally in love I'm in love I'm in love It's so good to be home. Just you and me and... - Two can be as bad as one... - Donkey? Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed? Donkey, what are you doing here? Taking care of your love nest for you. Oh, you mean like... sorting the mail and watering the plants? - Yeah, and feeding the fish! - I don't have any fish. You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your... Look at the time. I guess you'd better be going. Don't you want to tell me about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi? Actually, Donkey? Shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon? Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. I thought I'd move in with you. You know we're always happy to see you, Donkey. But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone. Say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you. - Donkey. - Yes, roomie? You're bothering me. Oh, OK. All right, cool. I guess... Me and Pinocchio was going to catch a tournament, anyway, so... Maybe I'll see y'all Sunday for a barbecue or something. He'll be fine. Now, where were we? Oh. I think I remember. - Donkey! I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going. What do you want me to tell these other guys? Enough, Reggie. "Dearest Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing... upon you and

your...uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. aka Mom and Dad." Mom and Dad? - Prince Charming? - Royal ball?! Can I come? - We're not going. - What?! I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this? Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry. They'll love you, too. Yeah, right. Somehow I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club. Stop it. They're not like that. How do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band? Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance. To do what? Sharpen their pitchforks? No! They just want to give you their blessing. Oh, great. Now I need their blessing? If you want to be a part of this family, yes! Who says I want to be part of this family? You did! When you married me! Well, there's some fine print for you! So that's it? You won't come? Trust me. It's a bad idea. We are not going! And that's final! Come on! We don't want to hit traffic! Don't worry! We'll take care of everything. - Hey, wait for me. Oof! Hit it! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Head 'em up, move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Rawhide! Ride 'em up! Move 'em on! Head 'em up! Move 'em on! Rawhide! Knock 'em out! Pound 'em dead! Make 'em tea! Buy 'em drinks! Meet their mamas! Milk 'em hard! Rawhide! Yee-haw! - Are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - Not yet. - OK, are we there yet? - No. - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet? - No! - Are we there yet?! - We are not! - Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Really?! - No!! - Are we there yet? - That's not funny. That's really immature. - This is why nobody likes ogres. - Your loss! - I'm gonna just stop talking. - Finally! This is taking forever, Shrek. There's no in-flight movie or nothing! The Kingdom of Far, Far Away, Donkey. That's where we're going. Far, far... away! All right, all right, I get it. I'm just so darn bored. Well, find a way to entertain yourself. For five minutes... Could you not be yourself... for five minutes?! Are we there yet?! - Yes! - Oh, finally! Wow! It's going to be champagne wishes and caviar dreams from now on. Hey, good-looking! We'll be back to pick you up later! Gotta make a move to a town that's right for me We are definitely not in the swamp anymore. Halt! Well, I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it Hey, everyone, look. Talk about, talk about movin'... Hey, ladies! Nice day for a parade, huh? You working that hat. Swimming pools! Movie stars! Announcing the long-awaited return of the beautiful Princess Fiona and her new husband. Well, this is it. - This is it. - This is it. This is it. Uh... why don't you guys go ahead? I'll park the car. So... you still think this was a good idea? Of course! Look. Mom and Dad look happy to see us. - Who on earth are they? - I think that's our little girl. That's not little! That's a really big problem. Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell? Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look... Happy now? We came. We saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches. - They're my parents. - Hello? They locked you in a tower. That was for my own... Good! Here's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home. Harold, we have to be... Quick! While they're not looking we can make a run for it. Shrek, stop it! Everything's gonna be... A disaster! There is no way... - You can do this. - I really... - Really... - don't... want... to... be... Here! Mom... Dad... I'd like you to meet my husband... Shrek. Well, um... It's easy to see where Fiona gets her good looks from. - Excuse me. Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona? That's good. I guess not. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What do you mean, not on the list? Don't tell me you don't know who I am. What's happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. - I had the hardest time finding this place. - No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down! No, Dad! It's all

right. It's all right. He's with us. - He helped rescue me from the dragon. - That's me: the noble steed. Waiter! How 'bout a bowl for the steed? Oh, boy. - Um, Shrek? - Yeah? Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q. Mmm! No, no. Darling. Oh! So, Fiona, tell us about where you live. Well... Shrek owns his own land. - Don't you, honey? - Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and cute little duckies and... What?! I know you ain't talking about the swamp. An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original. I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children. It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it? - indeed. I just started eating. - Harold! - What's that supposed to mean? - Dad. It's great. OK? - For his type. Yes. - My type?! I got to go to the bathroom. - Dinner is served! - Never mind. I can hold it. Bon appetite! Oh, Mexican food! My favorite. Let's not sit here with our tummies rumbling. Everybody, dig in. Don't mind if I do, Lillian. I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be... Ogres. Yes! Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold? Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't eat your own young! Dad! No, we usually prefer the ones who've been locked away in a tower! - Shrek, please! - I only did that because I love her. Aye, day care or dragon-guarded castle. You wouldn't understand. You're not her father. It's so nice to have the family together for dinner. - Harold! - Shrek! - Fiona! - Fiona! - Mom! - Harold... Donkey! Your fallen tears have called to me So, here comes my sweet remedy I know what every princess needs For her to live life happily... Oh, my dear. Oh, look at you. You're all grown up. - Who are you? - Oh, sweet pea! I'm your fairy godmother. - I have a fairy godmother? - Shush, shush. Now, don't worry. I'm here to make it all better. With just a... Wave of my magic wand Your troubles will soon be gone With a flick of the wrist and just a flash You'll land a prince with a ton of cash A high-priced dress made by mice no less Some crystal glass pumps And no more stress Your worries will vanish, your soul will cleanse Confide in your very own furniture friends We'll help you set a new fashion trend - I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great - The kind of girl a prince would date! They'll write your name on the bathroom wall... For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call! A sporty carriage to ride in style, Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle Banish your blemishes, tooth decay, Cellulite thighs will fade away And oh, what the hey! Have a bichon fris!' Nip and tuck, here and there to land that prince with the perfect hair Lipstick liners, shadows blush To get that prince with the sexy tush Lucky day, hunk buffet You and your prince take a roll in the hay You can spoon on the moon With the prince to the tune Don't be drab, you'll be fab Your prince will have rock-hard abs Cheese souffle, Valentine's Day Have some chicken fricassee! Nip and tuck, here and there To land that prince with the perfect hair Stop! Look... Thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, but I really don't need all this. - Fine. Be that way. - We didn't like you, anyway. - Fiona? Fiona? Oh! You got a puppy? All I got in my room was shampoo. Oh, uh... Fairy Godmother, furniture... I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek. Your husband?! What? What did you say? When did this happen? Shrek is the one who rescued me. - But that can't be right. - Oh, great. More relatives! She's just trying to help. Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving. - What?! - I don't want to leave. When did you decide this? - Shortly after arriving. - Look, I'm sorry... No. That's all right. I need to go, anyway. But remember, dear. If you should ever need me... happiness... is just a teardrop away. Thanks, but we've got all the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy... So I see. Let's go, Kyle. - Very nice, Shrek. - What? I told you coming here was a bad idea. You could've at least tried to get along with my father. I don't think I was going to get Daddy's blessing, even if I did want it. Do you

think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted? Sure. Do you want me to pack for you? You're unbelievable! You're behaving like a... - Go on! Say it! - Like an ogre! Here's a news flash for you! Whether your parents like it or not... I am an ogre! And guess what, Princess? That's not about to change. I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that. That's real smooth, Shrek. I'm an ogre! I knew this would happen. You should. You started it. I can hardly believe that, Lillian. He's the ogre. Not me. I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. This is Fiona's choice. But she was supposed to choose the prince we picked for her. I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... thing? Fiona does. And she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young? We used to walk down by the lily pond and... - they were in bloom... - Our first kiss. It's not the same! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a monster! Oh, stop being such a drama king. Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong! La, di, da, di, da! Isn't it all wonderful! I'd like to know how it could get any worse! - Hello, Harold. - What happened? - Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit! I'll just stretch it out here for a while. You better get in. We need to talk. Actually, Fairy Godmother, off to bed. Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, how about... we make this a quick visit. What? Oh, hello. Ha-ha-ha! So, what's new? You remember my son, Prince Charming?! ls that you? My gosh! It's been years. When did you get back? Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert... I climbed to the highest room in the tallest tower... Mommy can handle this. He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower... And what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that his princess... is already married. It wasn't my fault. He didn't get there in time. Stop the car! Harold. You force me to do something. I really don't want to do. Where are we? Hi. Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy! May I take your order? My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy. Uh... Okay. Two Renaissance Wraps, no mayo... chili rings... - I'll have the Medieval Meal. - One Medieval Meal, and, Harold... - Curly fries? - No, thank you. - Sourdough soft taco, then? - No, really, I'm fine. Your order, Fairy Godmother. This comes with the Medieval Meal. There you are, dear. We made a deal, Harold. And I assume you don't want me to go back on my part. Indeed not. So, Fiona and Charming will be together. - Yes. - Believe me, Harold. It's what's best. Not only for your daughter... But for your Kingdom. What am I supposed to do about it? Use your imagination. Oh... Come on in, Your Majesty. I like my town With a little drop of poison Nobody knows... Excuse me. Do I know you? No, you must be mistaking me for someone else. Uh... excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister. Ah! There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of. - Who's the guy? - Well, he's not a guy, per se. Um... He's an ogre. Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. There's only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly... he don't like to be disturbed. he don't like to be disturbed. Where could I find him? Hello? Who dares enter my room? Sorry! I hope I'm not interrupting, but I'm told you're the one to talk to about an ogre problem? You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of money. Would... this be enough? You have engaged my valuable services, Your Majesty. Just tell me where I can find this ogre. Everyone says I'm getting down too low Everyone says you've just gotta let it go You just gotta let it go I need some sleep Time to put the old horse down I'm in too deep And the wheels keep spinning round Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Everyone says you've just gotta let it go Dear

Knight, I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. Dear Diary... Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while. Must be like some finishing school. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family, and we'll all live happily ever after. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Mrs. Fiona Charming. Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. No. No. I was just reading a, uh... a scary book. I was hoping you'd let me apologize for my despicable behavior earlier. - Okay... - I don't know what came over me. Do you suppose we could pretend it never happened and start over... - Look, Your Majesty, I just... - Please. Call me. Dad. Dad. We both acted like ogres. Maybe we just need some time to get to know each other? Excellent idea! I was actually hoping you might join me for a morning hunt. A little father-son time? I know it would mean the world to Fiona. Shall we say, Face it, Donkey! We're lost. We can't be lost. We followed the King's instructions exactly. Head to the darkest part of the woods...Past the sinister trees with scary-looking branches.- The bush shaped like Shirley Bassey! - We passed that three times already! You were the one who said not to stop for directions. Oh, great. My one chance to fix things up with Fiona's dad and I end up lost in the woods with you! Don't get huffy! I'm only trying to help. I know! I know. - I'm sorry, all right? - Hey, don't worry about it. I just really need to make things work with this guy. Yeah, sure. Now let's go bond with Daddy. Well, well, well, Donkey. I know it was kind of a tender moment back there, but the purring? What? I ain't purring. Sure. What's next? A hug? Hey, Shrek. Donkeys don't purr. What do you think I am, some kind of a... Ha-ha! Fear me, if you dare! Look! A little cat. - Look out, Shrek! He got a piece! - It's a cat, Donkey. Come here, little kitty, kitty. Come on, little kitty. Come here. Oh! Come here, little kitty. - Whoa! - Hold on, Shrek! I'm coming! - Come on! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, God. Oh... No! - Look out, Shrek! Hold still! - Get it off! Shrek! Hold still! - Did I miss? - No. You got them. Now, ye ogre, pray for mercy from... Puss... In Boots! I'll kill that cat! Ah-ha-ha! Hairball. - Oh! That is nasty! What should we do with him? Take the sword and neuter him. Give him the Bob Barker treatment. Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Senor. I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The King offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers... Whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this? The rich King? Si. Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing. Don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you. Gee, thanks. Maybe Fiona would've been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming. That's what the King said. Oh, uh... sorry. I thought that question was directed at me. Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her. Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just... I just wish I could make her happy. Hold the phone... Happiness.A tear drop away.Donkey! Think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you! Man, where do I begin? First there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. Then this fool had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got drunk and start beating me with a stick, going Pinata!! What is a pinata, anyway?! No, Donkey! I need you to cry! Don't go projecting on me. I know you're feeling bad, but you got to... Aaaahhh! You little, hairy, litter-licking sack of... What? Is it on? Is it on? This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client. But if you come by the office, we'll be glad to make you an appointment. Have a happy ever after. Oh... Are you up for a little quest, Donkey? That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on

another whirlwind adventure! Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move! - Stop, Ogre! I have misjudged you. - Join the club. We've got jackets. On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine. The position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek. Shrek? - Shrek! - Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him... In his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. - Let's keep him! - Say what?! Ahh! Listen. He's purring! - Oh, so now it's cute. - Come on, Donkey. Lighten up. Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Lighten up?! I should lighten up? Look who's telling who to lighten up! Shrek! Shrek? They're both festive, aren't they? What do you think, Harold? Um... Yes, yes. Fine. Fine. Try to at least pretend you're interested in your daughter's wedding ball. Honestly, Lillian, I don't think it matters. How do we know there will even be a ball? Mom. Dad. - Oh, hello, dear. - What's that, Cedric? Right! Coming. Mom, have you seen Shrek? I haven't. You should ask your father. Be sure and use small words, dear. He's a little slow this morning. - Can I help you, Your Majesty? - Ah, yes! Um... Mmm! Exquisite. What do you call this dish? That would be the dog's breakfast, Your Majesty. Ah, yes. Very good, then. Carry on, Cedric. - Dad? Dad, have you seen Shrek? - No, I haven't, dear. I'm sure he just went off to look for a nice... mud hole to cool down in. You know, after your little spat last night. Oh. You heard that, huh? The whole kingdom heard you. I mean, after all, it is in his nature to be... well, a bit of a brute. Him? You know, you didn't exactly roll out the Welcome Wagon. Well, what did you expect? Look at what he's done to you. Shrek loves me for who I am. I would think you'd be happy for me. Darling, I'm just thinking about what's best for you. Maybe you should do the same. No, really? Shh... Oh... Oh, no. That's the old Keebler's place. Let's back away slowly. That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She's the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom. Then why don't we pop in there for a spell? Ha-ha! Spell! He makes me laugh. Hi. I'm here to see the... The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry. She is not in. Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo. Now! Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. Look, she's not seeing any clients today. OK? That's OK, buddy. We're from the union. The union? We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign. Oh! Oh, right. Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed? Uh... a little. We don't even have dental. They don't even have dental. Okay, we'll just have a look around. Oh. By the way. I think it'd be better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. - Know what I'm saying? Huh? - Huh? Huh? Huh? - Stop it. - Of course. Go right in. A drop of desire. Naughty! A pinch of passion. And just a hint of... lust... Excuse me. Sorry to barge in like this... What in Grimm's name are you doing here? Well, it seems that Fiona's not exactly happy. Oh-ho-ho! And there's some question as to why that is? Well, let's explore that, shall we? Ah. P, P, P... Princess. Cinderella. Here we are. Lived happily ever after.Oh... No ogres! Let's see. Snow White. A handsome prince. Oh, no ogres. Sleeping Beauty. Oh, no ogres! Hansel and Gretel? No! Thumbelina? No. The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... No, no, no, no, no! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after. All right, look, lady! Don't you point... those dirty green sausages at me! Your Monte Cristo and coffee. Oh! Sorry. Ah... that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother. Just... go. Come on, guys. TGlF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, Mac? Get your fine Corinthian footwear and your cat cheeks out of my face! Man, that stinks! You don't exactly smell like a basket of roses. - Well, one of these has got to help. - I was just concocting this very plan! Already our minds are becoming one. Whoa, whoa. If we need an expert on

licking ourselves, we'll give you a call. Shrek, this is a bad idea. Look. Make yourself useful and go keep watch. Puss, do you think you could get to those on top? No problema, boss. In one of my nine lives, I was the great cat burglar of Santiago de Compostela. Ha-ha-ha-ha! Shrek, are you off your nut? Donkey, keep watch. Keep watch? Yeah, I'll keep watch. I'll watch that wicked witch come and whammy a world of hurt up your backside. I'll laugh, too. I'll be giggling to myself. - What do you see? - Toad Stool Softener? I'm sure a nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems. - Elfa Seltzer? - Uh-uh. - Hex Lax? - No! Try handsome.Sorry. No handsome. Hey! How about Happily Ever After? Well, what does it do? It says Beauty Divine. In some cultures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of creatures. Especially us talking ones. Donkey! That'll have to do. We've got company. Can we get on with this? Hurry! Nice catch, Donkey! Finally! A good use for your mouth. Come on! You spurn my natural emotions You make me feel like dirt and I'm hurt And if I start a commotion I run the risk of losing you and that's worse Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone, ever fallen in love In love with someone, ever fallen in love With someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with Fallen in love with Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with I don't care whose fault it is. Just get this place cleaned up! And somebody bring me something deep fried and smothered in chocolate! - Mother! - Charming. Sweetheart. This isn't a good time, pumpkin. Mama's working. Whoa, what happened here? - The ogre, that's what! - What? Where is he, Mom? I shall rend his head from his shoulders! I will smite him where he stands! He will rue the very day he stole my kingdom from me! Oh, put it away, Junior! You're still going to be king. We'll just have to come up with something smarter. Pardon. Um... Everything is accounted for, Fairy Godmother, except for one potion. What? Oh... I do believe we can make this work to our advantage. Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.- You both will be fine? - I guess it means it'll affect Fiona, too. Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. Drop that jug o' voodoo and let's get out of here. It says, Beauty Divine. How bad can it be? See, you're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub over your chest, think again! Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion... allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you. Oh, no, no. I don't think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I'll do it. That's the best friend's job. Now give me that bottle. How do you feel? I don't feel any different. I look any different? You still look like an ass to me. Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. - Well, here's to us, Fiona. - Shrek? - You drink that, there's no going back. - I know. - No more wallowing in the mud? - I know. - No more itchy butt crack? - I know! - But you love being an ogre! - I know! I know. Shrek, no! Wait! Got to be... I think you grabbed the Farty Ever After potion. Maybe it's a dud. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be. Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy. I'm melting! I'm melting! It's just the rain, Donkey. Oh. Don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. It'll be better in the morning. You'll see... The sun'll come out... Tomorrow Bet your bottom... Bet my bottom? I'm coming, Elizabeth! Donkey? Are you all right? - Hey, boss. Let's shave him. - D-Donkey?

There you are! We missed you at dinner. What is it, darling? Dad... I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm going to set things right. Ah! Excellent! That's my girl. It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. I'm going to go out and find him. And then we'll go back to the swamp where we belong. Fiona, please! Let's not be rash, darling. You can't go anywhere right now. Fiona! Look, I told you he was here. Look at him! Quiet. Look at him. Good morning, sleepyhead. Good morning! We love your kitty! Oh... My head... - Here, I fetched a pail of water. Thanks. Uhh! Aahh! Oh... A cute, button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?! I'm... I'm... - Gorgeous! - I'll say. I'm Jill. What's your name? - Um... Shrek. - Shrek? Wow. Are you from Europe? - You're tense. - I want to rub his shoulders. - I got it covered. - I don't have anything to rub. Get in line. Get in line. - Have you seen my donkey? - Who are you calling donkey? - Donkey? You're a... - A stallion, baby! I can whinny. I can count. Look at me, Shrek! I'm trotting! That's some quality potion. What's in that stuff? Oh, don't take the potion, Mr. Boss, it's very bad.Pah! Warning: Side effects may include burning, itching, oozing, weeping. Not intended for heart patients or those with... nervous disorders.I'm trotting, I'm trotting in place! Yeah! What? Senor? To make the effects of this potion permanent, the drinker must obtain his true love's kiss by midnight.Midnight? Why is it always midnight? - Pick me! I'll be your true love! - I'll be your true love. I'll be true... enough. Look, ladies, I already have a true love. Oh... And take it from me, Boss. You are going to have one satisfied Princess. And let's face it. You are a lot easier on the eyes. Inside you're the same old mean, salty... - Easy. - ...cantankerous, foul, angry ogre you always been. And you're still the same annoying donkey. - Yeah. Well... Look out, Princess. Here comes the new me. First things first. - We need to get you out of those clothes. - Ready? - Ready! - Driver, stop! Oh, God! Help me, please! My racing days are over! I'm blind! Tell the truth. Will I ever play the violin again? You poor creature! ls there anything I can do for you? Well, I guess there is one thing. Take off the powdered wig and step away from your drawers. - Not bad. - Not bad at all. Father? ls everything all right, Father? Thank you, gentlemen! Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can't find you or if I forget. Oh, yeah Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange Ch-Ch-Changes Just gonna have to be a different man Time may change me But I can't trace time Halt! Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her. Still don't know what I was looking for And my time was running wild, a million dead-end streets Every time I thought I'd got it made It seemed the taste was not so sweet - Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Turn and face the strange - Shrek? - Ch-Ch-Changes Don't wanna be a richer one Time may change me But I can't trace time Fiona? Hello, handsome. Shrek! - Princess! - Donkey? Wow! That potion worked on you, too? What potion? Shrek and I took some magic potion. And well... Now, we're sexy! Shrek? For you, baby... I could be. - Yeah, you wish. - Donkey, where is Shrek? He went inside looking for you. Shrek? Fiona! Fiona! You want to dance, pretty boy? Are you going so soon? Don't you want to see your wife? Fiona? Shrek? Aye, Fiona. It is me. What happened to your voice? The potion changed a lot of things, Fiona. But not the way I feel about you. Fiona? - Charming? - Do you think so? Dad. I was so hoping you'd approve. - Um... Who are you? - Mom, it's me, Shrek. I know you never get a second chance at a first impression, but, well, what do you think? Fiona! Fiona! Fiona! - Fiona! - Fiona, Fiona! Ho-ho-ho! Oh, shoot! I don't think they can hear us, pigeon. Don't you think you've already messed her life up enough? I just wanted her to be happy. And now she can be. Oh, sweetheart. She's finally found the prince of her dreams.

But look at me. Look what I've done for her. It's time you stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion will ever change. But... I love her. If you really love her... you'll let her go. Shrek? Senor. What's going on? Where are you going? You wouldn't have had anything to do with this, would you, Harold? People just ain't no good I think that's well understood There you go, boys. Just leave the bottle, Doris. Hey. Why the long face? It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place. I hate Mondays. I can't believe you'd walk away from the best thing that happened to you. What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming. Come on. ls he really that good-looking? Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels. - Oh. He sounds dreamy. - You know... shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better. Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona. Aye. And that's why I have to let her go. Excuse me, is she here? She's, uh... in the back. Oh, hello again. Fairy Godmother. Charming. You'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold. Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming. - FYI, not my fault. - No, of course it's not, dear. I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre? No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay? - What? - You can't force someone to fall in love! I beg to differ. I do it all the time! Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming. - Umm... no. - What did you say? I can't. I won't do it. Oh, yes, you will. lf you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. ls that what you want? ls it? - No. - Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. He's all high in the front. He can never get to the back. You need someone to do the back. Oh. Thank you, Mother. Mother? Um... Mary! A talking horse! The ogre! Stop them! Thieves! Bandits! Stop them! The abs are fab and it's gluteus to the maximus here at tonight's Far, Far Away Royal Ball blowout! The coaches are lined up as the cream of the crop pours out of them like Miss Muffet's curds and whey. Everyone who's anyone has turned out to honor Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. And, oh my, the outfits look gorgeous! Look! Hansel and Gretel! What the heck are the crumbs for? And right behind them, Tom Thumb and Thumbelina! - Oh, aren't they adorable! Here comes Sleeping Beauty! Tired old thing. Who's this? Who's this? Who is this? Oh. It's the one, it's the only... It's the Fairy Godmother! Hello, Far, Far Away! Can I get a whoop whoop? May all your endings be happy and... Well, you know the rest! We'll be right back with the Royal Far, Far Away Ball after these messages. I hate these ball shows. They bore me to tears. Flip over to Wheel Of Torture! I'm not flipping anywhere, sir, until I see Shrek and Fiona. Whizzes on you guys. Hey, mice, pass me a buffalo wing! No, to your left. Your left! - Tonight on Knights... - Now here's a good show! We got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup. It's time to teach these madcap mammals their devil may care attitudes just won't fly. Why you grabbing me? Police brutality! I have to talk to Princess Fiona! - We warned you! - Ow! Ow! Did someone let the cat out of the bag? You capitalist pig dogs! - Catnip! - That's not mine. Find Princess Fiona! I'm a donkey! Tell her Shrek... I'm her husband, Shrek! Quick! Rewind it! I'm her husband, Shrek! Ow! Darling? Ah. I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball? I'm not going. The whole Kingdom's turned out to celebrate your marriage. There's just one problem. That's not my husband. I

mean, look at him. Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love. You'd be surprised how much I changed for your mother. Change? He's completely lost his mind! Why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? You might find you like this new Shrek. But it's the old one I fell in love with, Dad. I'd give anything to have him back. Darling. That's mine. Decaf. Otherwise I'm up all night. Thanks. I got to get out of here! I got to get out of here! You can't lock us up like this! Let me go! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say I have the right to remain silent. Nobody said I have the right to remain silent! You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity. I must hold on before l, too, go totally mad. Shrek? Donkey? Too late. Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here! Oh... Fire in ze hole! Look out below! Quick! Tell a lie! - What should I say? - Anything, but quick! Say something crazy like I'm wearing ladies' underwear!I am wearing ladies' underwear. - Are you? - I most certainly am not! It looks like you most certainly am are! - I am not! - What kind? - It's a thong! - Oww! They're briefs! - Are not. - Are too! - Are not! - Are too! Here we go. Hang tight. Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! Ow! - Excuse me? - What? Puss! Pardon me, would you mind letting me go? - Sorry, boss. - Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss! I thought you was going to let her go. I was, but I can't let them do this to Fiona. Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's coming around! It's impossible! We'll never get in. The castle's guarded. There's a moat and everything! Folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick. - What? - Do you still know the Muffin Man? Well, sure! He's down on Drury Lane. Why? Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour. Gingy! Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We've got a big order to fill! It's alive! Run, run, run, as fast you can! Go, baby, go! There it is, Mongo! To the castle! No, you great stupid pastry! Come on! Mongo! Down here! Look at the pony! That's right! Follow the pretty pony! Pretty pony wants to play at the castle! Pretty pony. Ladies and gentlemen. Presenting Princess Fiona and her new husband, Prince Shrek. Shrek, what are you doing? I'm just playing the part, Fiona. ls that glitter on your lips? Mm. Cherry flavored. Want to taste? - Ugh! What is with you? - But, Muffin Cake... C Minor, put it in C Minor. Ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to dedicate this song to... Princess Fiona and Prince Shrek. Fiona, my Princess. Will you honor me with a dance? Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Dance! Where's the streetwise Hercules To fight the rising odds? Since when do you dance? Fiona, my dearest,if there's one thing I know, it's that love is full of surprises. Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need Hit it! I need a hero All right, big fella! Let's crash this party! Man the catapults! Aim! Fire! - Brace yourselves! - Ooh! Purty! Not the gumdrop button! Incoming! Ha-ha! All right! Somewhere after midnight In my wildest fantasy Go, Mongo! Go! Man the cauldrons! After you, Mongo. - That's it! Heave-ho! - Watch out! Shrek! More heat, less foam! Up where the mountains Meet the heavens above Out where the lightning Splits the sea I could swear there is someone Somewhere watching me Heave! Ho! No...! Come on! Look out! - Be good. He needs me! Let me go! Donkey! Puss! Go! Go! Your lady needs you! Go! Today, I repay my debt. Aww... On guard! He's gotta be strong And he's gotta be fast And he's gotta be fresh From the fight - I need a hero - Stop! - Hey, you! Back away from my wife. - Shrek? You couldn't just go back to your swamp and leave well enough alone. - Now! - Pigs und blanket! Pinocchio! Get the wand! I see London! I see France! Whah! I'm a real boy! Ah! Ah! Aaahhh! Catch! Donkey! Oh! I'm a real boy. Aah! Oh! - Ha! - Ah. That's mine! Pray for mercy, from Puss... And Donkey! She's taken the potion! Kiss her now! No! - Hi-ya! - Fiona. - Shrek. Harold! You

were supposed to give her the potion! Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea. - Mommy! - Mommy? I told you. Ogres don't live happily ever after. Woo! Ha! Oh, Dad! - ls he...? - Yup. He croaked. Harold? Dad? I'd hoped you'd never see me like this. - And he gave you a hard time! - Donkey! No, no, he's right. I'm sorry. To both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona. But I can see now... she already has it. Shrek, Fiona... Will you accept an old frog's apologies... and my blessing? Harold? I'm sorry, Lillian. I just wish I could be the man you deserve. You're more that man today than you ever were... warts and all. Boss! The Happily Ever After Potion! Midnight! Fiona. ls this what you want? To be this way forever? - What? - Because if you kiss me now... we can stay like this. You'd do that? - For me? - Yes. I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after... with the ogre I married. Whatever happens, I must not cry! You cannot make me cry! Whoa! No. No, no. Aaah! Ow. Oh, no. Hey. You still look like a noble steed to me. Now, where were we? Oh! I remember. Hey! Isn't we supposed to be having a fiesta?! Uno, dos, quatro, hit it! Puss and Donkey, y'all... She's into superstitions Black cats and voodoo dolls - Sing it, Puss! - I feel a premonition That girl's gonna make me fall Here we go! She's into new sensations New kicks in the candlelight She's got a new addiction For every day and night She'll make you take your clothes off And go dancing in the rain She'll make you live her crazy life But she'll take away your pain Like a bullet to your brain Upside inside out Living la vida loca Hey gorgeous! Living la vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out - Living la vida loca - She livin' it loca! Living la vida loca - Say it one more time now! - Living the vida loca Hey, Donkey, that's Spanish! She'll push and pull you down Living la vida loca She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca She'll push and pull you down Living the vida loca Her lips are devil red And her skin's the color of mocha She will wear you out Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca Living la vida loca All by myself All by myself Don't wanna be All by myself anymore... Amigo, we are off to the Kit-Kat Club. Come on, join us. Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm not in the mood. We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro! Hey, baby! Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been? - I'm sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do. What? Say it one more time. What you talking about? Are you serious? - Papa! Look at our little mutant babies! I got to get a job. I got to get a job.

Omg

[carrottuan93]

Haven’t met you yet | Mark

Masterlist (1/4) | part2 - part3 - part4

Starring: MK x You

Tags: Mark Tuan, Fluff, Destiny, Waiting, Christmas, Bookworm, Nerd, Love, Fate

Total WC: 2631

Foreword: You promise yourself you’re going to wait for the perfect love even if it takes forever but you’re already barging on it’s doorstep without even realizing that love has met you already in the first place.

It’s all about timing and seeking reassurance in all the right places.

It’s a chance you never want to miss and an opportunity that you wouldn’t trade for anything.

Learn to take risks and learn to fall in love along the way. Cause true love is patient and it’ll come when you least expect it.

Have you been good all year round? You never know what Santa has in stored for you this Christmas.

[Feel free to listen on the playlist that I made for this one shot :)))]

"Eunhee, I should probably take a break from your endless blind date setups. Nothing is working out for me, seriously." You heaved a sigh, slouching on the couch as you gave your best friend an exasperated look the moment you entered her humble bookshop. She's too excited for your love life ever since she and her long-time university crush Jackson became an official couple on your birthday when you celebrated it on Jeju last year. It was a really cold New Year’s Eve when you chose to reserve this romantic restaurant by the beach as the venue for your special day. Eunhee doesn't have any idea about Jackson's plan when you booked a flight to Jeju Island for a week despite the busy season. Since you wanted to play the fairy godmother role for the both of them, you saved Jackson from worrying and suggested that he'd do it on your birthday instead. And just like that, they spent the New Year countdown melting into each other’s puddle while greeting you a happy birthday. The things you do for your friend, if that ain’t salty for your part (it is, for being the third wheel), automatically elected you as the sole Queen of singles club after Neun’s grand exit.

 Since their anniversary is just around the corner, they are planning to spend it once again on Jeju and Eunhee, for being the supportive sister from another mother that she is, will surely drag you with them at all costs since it has been your tradition to celebrate New Year’s Eve with your best friend. She is dying to set you up with someone so you won't be celebrating your birthday alone anymore.

 "I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought you and my friend Hae In will work out. What happened by the way? tell me about your date." She sat beside your spot after closing the shop and did the honor of pouring you a glass of your favorite merlot. This girl knows how to calm you down for sure. I mean she isn't your best friend if she have no idea that wine is your comfort drink. For whatever reason it is, you don't know why it helps to lessen your loneliness by drinking the night away. Maybe knocking you down into a deep slumber and finding yourself completely clueless the next day, alongside the horrible hangover can patch up the painful truth that you are still single up to this point of your life. In addition to the earthly and God-sent smell of neatly piled books crowding the interior of her paradise, Eunhee's bookshop is your go-to place at all times. You used to frequent this a lot during your childhood days where you first met her and together you shared the same passion and love for books and wine through all these years.

 "He's too overrated for my type. Like I don't know why we need to talk about all of his exes and why his relationship with them didn't work out when we can sit and be comfortable with just talking about our interests, 'us' the present and not his past. He's a perfectionist per se and I don't like it when a guy shows disinterest whenever I told them about myself as some nerdy bookish girl who craves for a netflix kind of night compared to his ideal dream girl-next-door whom you can freely bring to a club the minute next." You look down on the red liquid in your glass, appreciating its refined and classic smell that is clouding your nostrils. You're way too excited to go home so you can finally sink on your newly changed bed sheets and savor the enticing smell of fabric conditioner which you cannot live without. You glanced outside the window, observing the couples walking together under the falling snow, as if Valentines day has come all of a sudden in the middle of December. Red roses are a popular gift for the ladies as you've observed and you cannot help yourself from wondering if someone will ever give you flowers on Christmas, particularly pink roses, which you really admire. You always dreamt of tending a bed of pink roses only for yourself because the sight of it makes you really happy. It's just unfortunate that they aren't in full bloom during this season that's why you can only wait for February to come so you could save the trouble of finding a lame date and just buy yourself a bouquet for Valentines. You can give yourself flowers and still feel like in a relationship with all the fictional characters on your novels. No one is stopping you from dating them in your mind, you thought.

 “Ugh I can’t believe that guy. I thought he’s a good catch but actually a bummer for real. Don’t worry, I’ll choose better next time." She gave you a warm hug, patting your head as you lay your cheek on her shoulder. She released you and you gave her an 'I'm-okay-don't-worry' kind of smile. And you sat there for almost an hour talking about your other failed blind dates in the past week that all belongs in either Jackson or Eunhee's circle. You have no idea why none of them matched your personality. Either they are too wild or too boring for them to function as your potential boyfriend. No one could really captivate your specific taste in a guy. It's not that you are too picky and have a high standard when it comes to scouting a lover. You just have your own preferences when it comes to choosing someone whom you'll devote your precious time into. No relationship is perfect because everything is built out of flaws, misunderstandings, heartaches and drama but if you'll enter in a commitment at least choose someone who's worthy of that pain. You aren’t getting any younger and all you need right now is someone reliable, honest and trustworthy enough to not waste your feelings and emotion. You need a serious guy who will not take you for granted and who welcomes the idea of settling in the near future. At least someone with a nice job? Or a bearable attitude, outlook and philosophy in life? He doesn't need to be the most handsome or richest guy in the planet. After all, you always talk to God about giving you with someone who will really love all your imperfections and flawed nature. You always pray to the heavens above that maybe he'll cross the mountains and bring you the moon and the stars like they always did on the movies and in stories but you're fed with too much fantasy and began to think that maybe the guy for you was rather inexistent or an alien inhabiting a distant galaxy located in a million light years away.

 "A break is all I need after all. I will be fine tomorrow at Christmas eve. Don't worry about me having a date on our dinner. I'll bring some macarons as an antidote for all things bitter for you and Jackson's couple party." It's your best friend’s first Christmas with her boyfriend that's why they are throwing a mini gathering for their family and close friends. You had this feeling that you will be the only one attending the party without a date so might as well go straight to the kitchen and grab a bottle of whatever wine you can get and spend the evening dancing on tipsy toes and the floor would be very much pleased to accommodate your drunken needs. But you will not gonna end up wasted on a party especially Eunhee will not be there beside you to take you home since you do not want to rob Jackson of his time with her. Their happiness always matters before you and that's what makes you happy, to see your best friend happy with the man that he really deserves.

 "All right sweetcheeks. We'll not let you feel gloomy on Christmas eve. Good girls get a reward from Santa so you have nothing to worry about." She gave you a wink and clanked your glasses in unison as you both emptied the bottle of wine to your heart's content. You both agreed to watch a romantic holiday movie over a shared furry blanket and hear out your friend as she talked to you mostly of his boyfriend, as if you’ve read a book about the guide to 101 ways on how to fall for Jackson. Maybe the love bug bit too hard on your friend now that she really has the man of her dreams right on her fingertips, she can’t ask for anything else. Their love story is too underrated and you’re one of the living witnesses that a coin is never wasted on a wishing well. If you only joined Eunhee on her wishing spree every time you both pass by your University’s fountain of love, your coin bank would have gone empty by now. But you didn’t do it and saved all of your coins for yourself cause you really enjoy playing basketball in the arcades for fun. For all you can remember way back in college days, your friend is just one of the many timid girls who are cheering and admiring the ever-famous fencing athlete, business student and heartthrob, Jackson. You have classes together with him and that is how your job as a love guru began. You really deserve a raise because you did succeed on making them a couple. You could set up a dating agency and earn better than your current job for all you care. But amidst all the love advice that you gave to them, you’re the complete opposite of a matchmaker. Because love never finds your way despite making love work for the others. Love is sweet but a bitch most of the time.

 If love finally came to Eunhee and Jackson, hopefully yours would come in a whirlpool, sweeping you off of your feet and rendering all the other love stories made in the history irrelevant. You love spontaneity and you’re up for the extraordinary. In fact, you already made a dozen of playlists on spotify and counting, awaiting to be dedicated to him. You may have weird habits, like using ketchup as a dip for your honey glazed donuts, and still act straight and sit the whole day finishing a book with your favorite espresso at coffee shops. You love taking midnight trips to the art museum and you wonder if he can appreciate the abstract the way it makes your soul come alive. You love travelling back to time and studying history and it would be a bonus if he’ll join you on the 3% mint choco enthusiasts in the whole world. And your list goes on and on and it’ll take a lifetime to introduce yourself to someone but you want to meet him soon. You can’t wait for that time to annoy the hell out of him and if he still chooses to come back after your endless nagging, that’s the time when you’re not gonna let go of him anymore. You know for yourself, you’re looking for an almost perfect individual but you’re ready to tear up your never ending list of your ideal guy if someone could really surprise you and made you want to look at the world in a different dimension. After all, an ideal can never be achieved in real life. You cannot make someone ‘the one’ but you can only search for someone and make them ‘your one’. Things may not come out the way you want them to be but things will work out if he’s your destiny. It might be hard to find the rarest form of love, which is true love, but you’re willing to go on a train trip bound to a destination you’ve never been to given that he’ll meet you at the end of the tunnel. Love isn’t hard. Love is supposed to be easy. You just need patience and it’ll come to you when you least expect it.

 It's nearing 11 pm already when you feel lightheaded because of your wine intake and maybe due to the fact that your early sleeping schedule has been breached by tonight's unfortunate event. You bid goodbye to your friend despite her invitation that you should just sleep on her place and decided to call for an uber to save yourself from zoning out like a zombie because you can no longer walk straight with your clouded vision. Eunhee lives upstairs her bookstore because she manages her family's business when her father passed away that's why she isn't living with you anymore. You've grown to be independent now that you're living on your own after sharing the same apartment with your friend during your university days.

 "Tomorrow night at 8. I'll text you the address. Don't be late, Y/n. Have a goodnight!” Eunhee tucked you up nicely on your seat and soon the taxi sped up passing underneath the city lights in the mood for the radio's yuletide playlist. You're a bit drunk to see clearly but you can recognize the faint Christmas lights flickering throughout the busy streets. In just half an hour, the uber came to a stop and you hopped off the cab as you made your way towards the entrance of the condo that you’re residing in. You walked past the concierge and romantic music is donning the halls screaming love is in the air but not for you cause it makes you suffocated. Inside the elevator you noticed that you'll join a couple on your way to a 5-minute trip to the 12th floor. You silently wished that nobody would enter in between floors so as not to slow down your fast lane to your unit or else it'll be another episode of 'You-are-single-fgds' slapping your face. Geez, you badly want a damn break but the couple is too absorbed in their own selves, doing whatever cringey couple thing it is behind you, so you chose to ignore their reflection on the elevator walls.

 God spared you for that ride and luckily you reached the 12th floor in the fastest speed possible. You walked in a crazy zigzag pattern when you reached the front step of your door and you held on the handle to prevent yourself from falling directly on the ground. Your eyes are zooming in for the door lock as you punch in your keycode multiple times and still wonder why the door isn't granting you any access at all.

 "The fudge why aren't you opening?" You tried all possible combinations already but to no luck, you are still denied. For the 10th time, the lock gave up on you and is now urging for a password reset when all of a sudden the heavens finally heard your prayer and the door automatically opened. You fell towards a pair of arms, as if on cue you are saved once again from falling directly on the floor. You grabbed on a pair of shoulders, and you felt like you've reached your bed already as your senses are welcomed with a lovely scent of fabcon, which for you is the sweetest scent in the world.

 "Hmm. I can finally sleep now." You smiled the moment you felt safe and secured within the parameters of what you think of as your bed.

"Wait, you cannot sleep on my arms." It's too late for you to wake up because you're already dozing off to dreamland.

"Oh shoot. What am I gonna do with you?" You barged into someone's room and you haven't had the slightest idea of what you'll gonna do the next morning when you wake up.

[callmeakumatized]

[TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS/SIGNS OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE, SHORT PANIC ATTACK]

AU Yeah August! - Day Five

Prompt: Laundromat

Scene: Adrien and Marinette are, obviously, in a laundromat together at the same time. It's in a ritzy neighborhood, and is mostly there for the wait-staff that work on the big estates. Adrien is learning to do his own laundry so when he skips town (eventually), he'll be able to at least know how to wash his clothes. Marinette walks into the laundromat sniffling, holding a tiny basket of clothes. Everything she has - even the clothes she's wearing - are threadbare and grungy. Adrien watches her suspiciously, then walks over to the machine next to her. She gives him furtive glances.

Adrien: *smiles* Hello!

Marinette: *bug-eyed stare, then looks away* ...Hullo.

Adrien: *pretending to sort his laundry* So...I've never seen you in here before. I'm Adrien. Do you come here often?

Marinette: *humored hum escapes*

Adrien: *laughs* What? >>realization>WORTH

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Xtra Where We Are Continuing Our Look At Disney...

And Last Sunday On Duke Reviews I Reviewed Cinderella So, Today We're Looking At The First Direct To DVD Sequel Of Cinderella, Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True...

While Not Really A Sequel But More Like A Compilation Of Stories, This Film Consists Of Three Segements Which Sees Cinderella Planning A Party, Jaq The Mouse Being Turned Into A Human With The Help Of The Fairy Godmother, And One Of Cinderella's Stepsister's, Anastasia Getting Redemption After Falling In Love With A Young Baker, Whom Lady Tremaine And Drizella Do Not Approve Of...

So, What Are We Waiting For? Let's Dive Into Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True..

The Film Starts With Jaq And Gus Heading To The Library As The Fairy Godmother Is Reading Cinderella's Story To All Of Cinderella's Mice Friends...

But When Jaq And Gus Run Into Their New Enemy, A Cat Named Pom-Pom...

Yeah, They May Left Lucifer At Lady Tremaine's, But Apparently They Still Have To Deal With The Threat Of Cats As They Now Have This One...

But After They Lose Pom-Pom Jaq And Gus Discover That The Fairy Godmother Has Already Told The Story To The Other Mice And That They Are Too Late...

Suggesting She Tell Another Cinderella Story, The Fairy Godmother Tells Them That There Isn't One But Maybe They Could Make One So With Her Help They Make A Book That Details What Happened After Happily Ever After As They Decide What Stories To Place In...

So, They Start With Our First Entitled, Aim To Please, Which Sees Cinderella (Voiced By Jennifer Hale) And Her Prince (Voiced By Christopher Daniel Barnes)...

You Know I Always Wanted Spider-Man And Black Cat To End Up Together On The 90's Animated Series...

(Same Voice Actors)

Return From Their Honeymoon Only For The Prince To Be Called Away On Royal Business With His Father ...

Come On!, The Guy Just Got Back From His Honeymoon, Can't He Have A Minute To Breathe Before Doing Royal Business?

While Cinderella Works On The Upcoming Royal Banquet And Gets Lessons On How To Be A Princess From A Snobbish Woman Named Prudence (Voiced By Evelyn Harper)

But Not Liking The Way Things Are Done, Cinderella Decides To Not Follow The Usual Traditions And Do Things Her Things Her Way....

You Know, I Think This Is Where Meghan Markle Gets Most Of Her Bullshit...

"I Don't Like The Way Royals Do Things So I'm Going To Change Things And Do Things My Way Whether They Like It Or Not"

Newsflash, Meghan! You're Not Cinderella And Your Life Isn't A Disney Movie Just Because You're Married To Harry!

The Sooner You Accept That And Stop Acting Like A Child Because Things Aren't Going Your Way The Better Things Will Be...

So, As A 90's Pop Song Plays (Expect A Lot Of These Throughout The Movie) Cinderella Does Basically Everything That Beatrice Told Her Was Wrong, Including Opening The Windows, Making Chocolate Pudding For Dessert Instead Of Having Prunes...

Having More Of A Quick Dance Instead Of A Slow Dance And Worst Of All Inviting Commoners To The Palace...

With Beatrice Appalled By Everything, The King Arrives To Be Satisfied With Everything To Her Shock And They Have The Best Banquet Ever As Our First Story Ends...

As The Mice Place That Story In The Book. We Move On To Our Next Story Called Tall Tail, Which Sees Jaq Asking Him To Turn Him Into A Human Named Sir Hugh When He Thinks He's Too Small To Help Cinderella In The Palace..

However, This Does Not Stop Pom-Pom From Chasing Jaq Around...

Even Though He Is A Human Who Could Just Grab Pom-Pom And Throw Her Out Of A Window So She Could Fall Like Wile E. Coyote...

However An Incident Involving The King And An Elephant At A Fair, Jaq Learns To Be Happy With Who He Is And Is Returned To Normal So He Can Stop The Elephant And Save The King...

But When Pom-Pom Makes A Final Attempt To Eat Jaq, He Is Saved By A Lady He Met When He Was A Human Who Decides To Find Pom-Pom's Master For Her As Pom-Pom Tries To Escape Her Hold As Our Story Ends...

With The Mice Placing The Story In The Book, After A Few Magical Hijinks, We Get Our 3rd Story Entitled An Uncommon Romance, Which Sees Evil Stepsister Anastasia Falling In Love With A Kind But Common Baker Which Her Mother And Sister Disapprove Of...

But Overlooking The Entire Thing, Cinderella Tries To Help Set Anastasia Up With The Baker. However, Her First Attempt To Do That Ends In Disaster...

Finding Anastasia By A Fountain, Crying, Cinderella Takes Her Back To The Palace To Give Her A Makeover, And Telling Her To Do What She Wants Over Listening To Her Mother...

And I Know What You're Thinking Why Is Cinderella Doing This When Anastasia Treated Her Like Shit For All Those Years? Well, Like It Or Not They're Still Family And Families Look Out For Each Other Whether Their Mother Likes It Or Not...

But Anastasia Is Not The Only One In Love As Lucifer Falls For Pom-Pom So Jaq And The Mice Make A Deal With Him That They'll Help Him With Pom-Pom If He Promises To Stop Chasing Them, Agreeing, They Give Him A Makeover Too In A Bit Of A Funny Scene...

However, When They End Up Together, Pom-Pom Goads Lucifer To Break His Promise To The Mice And Help Her Catch Them But During The Chaos A Jug Of Water Falls On Pom-Pom And She Breaks Up With Lucifer...

But Back To Anastasia's Relationship, The Next Morning, Anastasia Goes To See The Baker Only To See Him Handing Flowers To Another Woman Which Causes Her To Run Away In Tears Again...

But It Turns Out That It Was Another Misunderstanding And That The Flowers Were For Someone Else And They Make Up But They're Interrupted By Lady Tremaine Who Berates Anastasia And Tries To Pull Her Away From The Baker...

But Anastasia Stands Up To Her Evil Mother And Declares That They're Going To The Ball Together. So Saying Screw You, Lady Tremaine Leaves With Drizella...

Later That Evening At The Ball, Anastasia Thanks Cinderella For Helping Her As Our Story Ends...

Placing The Story In The Book Finally Finishes Up The Mice's Storybook, So Taking It Downstairs To Cinderella, Singing A Reprise Of Bibbity Bobbity Boo (That Could've Sounded Better If Alvin And The Chipmunks Sang It) And Give It To Cinderella Who Loves It As She Reads It To Them...

And That's Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True And It's Cute...

While Not The Best Of These Disney Direct To DVD Sequels (Though Some Call This One Dumb And They Think The Stories Don't Blend Well Together When Actually They Do) I Still Like It, The Stories Are All Great With Good Animation...

I Especially Love Anastasia's Story In This It's Too Bad This Movie Didn't Do Well And They Ended Up Retconing It Only To Do The Same Type Of Redemption Story In The Third Movie With Her, But I'll Talk More About That Tomorrow When We Talk About The Third One...

Whether You Love It Or Hate It, Cinderella 2 Is Definitely A Watch In My Book...

Come Back Tomorrow As We Talk About Cinderella 3: A Twist In Time, Till Then, This Is Duke, Signing Off...