#should I go to the er or something?? or ask my mom for help?? idk

[catholicjinx]

um. help

[hrtiu]

omg happy birthday!🥳 I hope you're having an amazing day with lots of sunshine, tasty food and happiness.

If you're feeling inspired can you write some domestic bliss with foxiyo? I'm thinking maybe when they're both old(er?) since that's something rarely explored (at least as far as I've seen). Idk I just think they'd be that cute elderly couple yk 😭

Thanks for the prompt and the birthday wishes! Sorry I wasn't able to finish it right away, but hey. I haven't written any fic in months so this is still pretty good for me??

I haven't really edited this so... hopefully it's ok???

Riyo Chuchi could not sleep.

She stared up at the dim, roughly-textured ceiling and blew out a breath. There was a time when she’d work herself so hard every day that she could barely keep her eyes open long enough to fall into bed rather than on the floor. And now she regularly found herself waking up in the wee hours of the morning, her body tired and aching but her mind stubbornly and insistently awake.

She rolled over onto her side and sighed. No, this position wasn’t any better. She felt no less restless, no less stretched thin by unwilling wakefulness. Across the bed from her, Fox’s broad back slowly expanded with a deep inhale. Riyo smiled to herself. At least the view was better on her side.

After another half hour of staring at Fox’s back, Riyo admitted defeat and got out of bed. She went to the ‘fresher, brushed her teeth, and combed her snow-white hair. The texture of her hair was wiry and tough--both its color and texture a far cry from the famously-luscious lavender locks of her youth. Then she went to her terminal and checked her messages. 

A few updates from Ahsoka, a brief, businesslike note from Mom Mothma, and a bunch of adverts. Great. Riyo wondered how she hadn’t appreciated the days when her terminal was stuffed to bursting with urgent messages--full of people wanting her assistance, her opinion, her time. It had been overwhelming, yes. But at least she’d felt needed.

She spent a while--much longer than necessary--answering her messages. Then she checked the news and let her eyes glaze over as the goings-on of distant planets filled the terminal. Several hours passed this way, and the sun finally began to peak through the closed shades of her study.

“Been up long?” Fox’s gravelly voice broke through Riyo’s near trance.

She looked up at him and smiled wryly. “A little while,” she said, knowing he would catch her understatement.

He crossed the room to her, his stiff leg traveling just a little slower than the other. He rested his hand on her shoulder, and she couldn’t help but notice the slight tremble to his once-firm grip.

“I’m sorry, my sun,” he said. “The meds aren’t helping?”

“They help me fall asleep, but I just can’t stay asleep for long,” Riyo said with a shrug. “I could take more, but I don’t want to overdo it.”

“That’s probably wise. You should wake me up next time. I’d be happy to keep you company.”

“At least one of us should be getting rest,” Riyo protested.

Fox let out a noncommittal sound and lowered himself into the chair next to her. 

Riyo rested her head on his shoulder, her whole body relaxing at the familiar contact. As her muscles melted into him, he still felt stiff beneath her. He hid it well, but she knew how uncomfortable the stiffness that held every joint in his body tight must be. He had once been a super soldier, a man in peak physical condition. If she was missing the way she used to feel, how hard must it be for him?

She peaked up at him through her lashes, his silvery stubble and strong nose still so attractive to her, after all these years. 

“How are you doing, love?” she asked. “I know you must be having trouble, too.”

Fox shook his head. “No, not at all.”

Riyo couldn’t hold back her snort. “I was at your last doctor’s appointment. I know your condition is progressing. But you never complain!” She sat up, turning in chair to face him fully. “You know you can always tell me how you feel, right?”

“Of course,” Fox said, taking her hands in his. “And you are right. I wake up in pain every day. It’s getting more difficult to walk. And I’m frustrated that I can’t trust myself with a blaster anymore.”

It was what she’d asked for, but still Riyo’s heart constricted in her chest. Fox was in pain, and she knew he wouldn’t even acknowledge any pain if it wasn’t significant. She squeezed his hands. “Fox…”

“But I’m happy, Riyo,” Fox cut in, firm and confident. “The pain is a nuisance, but it doesn’t bother me that much. I hardly even think of it.”

“How can you not think of it? It affects every step you take. It keeps you from doing so many things you love-”

“I don’t think of it, because I am happy.”

Riyo shook her head, feeling that she was still missing something. “I just don’t understand. Here I am, every day complaining and pitying myself for all the most common, least inconvenient inevitabilities of aging. But there you are, happy and unbothered while you deal with this diagnosis. Either something is wrong with you, or something is wrong with me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you. This diagnosis isn’t easy for me, but it is so much more than anything I ever expected.”

Any words Riyo could think to respond with died in her throat. What could she say to that? Especially when she knew what he said was true?

Fox stood up, moving slowly but with purpose. He held a hand down to her and she took it, rising to her feet at his side. 

One hand still holding hers, Fox stroked his fingers down a wisp of white hair that had escaped Riyo’s utilitarian bun. “Do you know how lucky I feel to be able to grow old with you? I never expected to grow old. Period. And now I get to experience it with the woman I care most for in the entire galaxy? Every grey hair. every aching joint, every hand tremor--every one is a privilege.”

A tear slipped down Riyo’s cheek, and she pressed her forehead to his. Her body still felt heavy and tired, and she still mourned for her youth long gone. But some of the weight of sorrow lifted from her shoulders.

“The privilege is all mine,” she said, meaning it with every ounce of her being.

[killbaned]

okay final update:

fire rescue lieutenant that's been out here multiple times for this shit with her made her go to the hospital based on the fact that she couldn't answer "what year is it" and "who's the president" (it is, apparently 2003 and bush btw)

i had to sit around for about two hours which, in hospital time isn't actually that long. the rn and doctor both agree and believe that part of her current issue is because she's just not capable of caring for herself and thus, hasn't, despite my best efforts because like. they're fully aware i can't you know. force her to take her meds and drink water.

i explained to the nurse that i'd gotten mom a weekly pill organizer to help so all she has to do is morning/night and not worry about it and "instead if she remembers them at all she just takes them both at the same time" and the nurse was like 👁👄👁 "oh, oh noooo"

there's nothing coming up on blood work or brain/chest scans that show like "something reversible" as he said, IE "oh she's altered because she's got an infection and fever" or something. i explained that i think it's fallout from all the strokes, and that there's literally no telling how many she's had over the years because of reasons (too long not explaining here).

they're admitting her bc her bp and kidneys are god awful, i reminded them she's got stage four kidney disease on top of everything else.

the doctor has already mentioned she's most likely gonna need rehab once they figure out if her altered status is being caused by dementia or something and i asked if we can get her evaluated while she's admitted because once again, me, and the medical professionals see that she CLEARLY cannot make her own decisions any more and that her going AMA from the rehab shows this.

he said he genuinely doesn't know because that's not in his wheelhouse as an ER doc, which i understand BUT he also said he's going to chart it that an eval should be done.

i am going to leave a message w the PCP asking if there's anything she can do from her end about it.

bc this is. the thing that's causing all the problems, no one has officially in a medical capacity put to paper that she shouldn't be allowed to make her own decisions which means her just going AMA.

i feel like this is the same shit that's been happening the last four/five months but like. idk besties lets hope someone does this fucking eval. an in depth one.

[sincelastsession]

Joshua that number I left for my past EMDR therapist is the only way I've gotten in touch with her. I did request my records, she said she'd send them. They weren't delivered ever. I really really do want to get my files from her I am entitled to a copy via state law. It contains a fuck ton about me that I really feel will help because the sheer amount of traumas to bring up again is going to jar me trying to list em out. I feel like it'll definitely assist you on my treatment plan greatly because we did A LOT.

I assume that there's a place files of this nature are supposed to go?

I assume you would know who to call to help me secure them? Or perhaps we could find out. Even if you don't want to use them...I would very much like a copy of her files on me.

I can sign paperwork for you next session for you to get my files if I haven't and idk who else you'd like to talk to or option to chat with other than psychiatrist and primary care but I'll sign documents with them.

I think she still has a profile on psychology today and email...but the text number I left has been my only way to catch her...

I don't want to be nasty but if she can't produce my files I will call a lawyer. Because yes they'll be great for therapy but I asked a while back.

I'm going to send an image of your card to her and request she leave a voice-mail or talk to Chelsea so we can get that done.

It's just BOTHERING me.

I do understand your treatment style us very different.

Also fuck Robyn. I got so much "feedback" to say about her. She takes literal young men and women who are struggling and honestly I see those patients struggling more with thier gender identity and transitioning. I don't think she's safe for LGBTQA+ folks. That's imo something that should be between a psychiatrist and endo foremost before hitting therapy. Like ive spoken to mine about it and we have different views but now that I have I can open up abt that. Like she invited a client to her home. I feel she pushed a bi male into transitioning and imo the trans ppl I know are happy and she doesn't seem happy now at all. She told me to break up with my now ex and treated me like a liar and literally sessions with her felt like interrogation and SUPER judgy and she was VERY FAKE with my parents who were ofc putting on a show for her.

I cannot begin to explain how well my parents are at manipulating therapists and turning it into everything being on me and as soon as I say something in response or try to blow their cover it's WILD because the one thing they don't realize they do is thier facial expressions. They'll either over mask or forget to do it. They always trip up.

Mom likes to play victim and very clueless kind. Dad does this in a different manner, he's subject to get pissed and walk out or raise his voice unless he's gonna act right because you're not a woman.

The weirdest part of having been raised by these people. The way I've studied them since childhood to please them. They adapt and use therapy against me. They don't remember what they've said or done. They seem put out by me telling them "hey what you did was fuckin wrong and yeah I've brought it up before and you shut down and we never settled it" then they'll be like "you just love to hold grudges" etc... but it's not that. I'd like to process it all or what I can. The reason it comes up over and over is because it's not going into memories to be forgotten in my brain. It's just hanging out in the fuckin trauma bay. Like a packed ER.

I am open to whatever type of family therapy is beneficial. Often times my dad is nasty to my mom when she's calling or texting about me. I don't think she deserves any bullshit if she's just relaying a message.

Like they got divorced and still fight like idiot assholes.

She left and I had a fucked up back and was a stoner and kept to myself because my father treated me like a partner to abuse and daughter to control and there's a ton of emotional incest. Dad also talks to young ppl online and what I saw years ago looked like grooming behavior and poor pity me with women of age I hope but still younger than me. Probably because many older men try to influence young women and never emotionally mature correctly and actually accept their age. I remember him on dating sites complaining about how ugly certain women were whose profiles imo were quite lovely and impressive. He acts sorta like an incel.

My sister you'll probably see straight through. She's an actress.

I do want to see with a few sessions if it may be possible to salvage anything with any of them.

What's upsetting is that though I have a poor sense of self...they don't really know me or seem to want to know me.

My psychiatrist thinks it's due to me not being healthy and also that I'm not married and doing the "normal" thing so there's resentment.

Since NONE of them listen to anything I have to say because they're all under the impression I'm trying to control them based on well nothing other than I'm gonna guess THE PAST.

They think I'm frantic. They haven't really read anything about what I deal with. They don't listen to listen. They listen to reply and they cherry pick and twist things I say to mean things they don't.

I don't know how to have a conversation with any of them without them exploding. My dad and mom have literally put me on speaker and walked off and my sister idfk last time I tried to speak to her she was FADED and I hung up.

They all have excuses.

It hurts that they won't accept and educate themselves like my friends do. It's not hard.

I fear they are both VERY mentally unwell and I'd really like to hear what you think.

I do have audio I keep forgetting to show you. I feel it's important and it will give you an idea of what a "light" encounter with them both while having a fucked up back and asking for help because I couldn't do laundry on my own sounds like. I recorded it because it'd already been happening that day and they do the narccistic tornado and I wanted to make sure my words weren't twisted more.

I wish I had more recorded. It's wild.

I'm concerned my dad is fucking with Piper's head but she's already a shitshow (I love my sister but I'm gonna fuss about her crap still)

I feel like I'm playing Squid Games and talking to any of them is a test.

My dad has told me to kill myself and to die and he's left me alone in the hospital after relieving my mom where I was then abused and left in a waiting room with a dead phone and no way to go pee for HOURS because my back was out.

We almost sued OLOL for the maltreatment.

This is not the first time I've been left alone in a hospital and abused.

People think I'm a hypochondriac but I just have a special interest in medical. I grew up in medical environments. Knowing as much as I can retain has kept me safe from further misdiagnosis and malpractice bullshit. I wish I could actually just gent sent to a mayo clinic or idk one of the big hospitals where they use diagnosticians and run you through the gambit.

I know it's not a thing unless ppl are very sick. I mean it was traumatic as a child to be put in NIH testing for a Dermatomyositis study. I don't remember meeting other kids. I just met Ted Kennedy one day while I was playing waiting on another test. It was scary being like 8 and seeing secret service fill a room and guard a door so he could have a photo with me. He did talk to me a ton and I really don't remember what he said. My parents were thrilled and I'm sure there's a cat piss stained picture somewhere.

Did you know that my sister and dad just threw a ton of my things away and donated or tossed most of my books. I had a massive bookshelf. Now it's covered with things that are mine and shit my sister used to make her room aesthetic without asking me.

It has always been hard to go home and get anything from her. I really just want to take everything that was or is mine. Things I gave her and things she stole.

I don't think she realizes I have 2yrs to file a report on the assault and I could take her to court for emotional distress too and probably more.

I've never gotten justice for any of the things that have happened to me.

I wish I could just send all thier asses to prison but they wouldn't survive.

They all think I won't do anything. That's been taunted at me.

They have no clue. They have no clue what they created and they have no clue what goes on in my head.

Sometimes I think that there's something supernatural at play.

I believe in those sorts of things. I don't talk about it much enthusiastically because ofc people like to shit on it.

I know most of the things that haven't been proven by science will eventually be.

I know that also it does exist. Our govt wouldn't have done studies to use ppl with ability for war purposes.

I know a lot of cold reading is fueled by trauma. I don't like to cold read. I think people who sell cold reads etc are just very good at telling others what they want to hear...or they're so desperate they will truly take advice.

When I read things come through and there's this process. It's mind's eye where pictures and words come through. Then I just ask about what I see or deliver whatever messages. I was pushed out of a group that was threatened by my reading. They were threatened because they are frauds. If a message doesn't make sense for someone then I tell them to just take what makes sense. It's often like a crowded room when I read for people. It's been a while since I tried beyond simple shit. I've scared the crap out of friends holding thier hand and reading them. Because they never told me about the people I relayed messages. I didn't just guess. I opened myself up to it and flooded in.

Sometimes I want to get Reiki certification so I can just do that for ppl. I was told by a master that I was a natural energy worker. I was told by native shamans that I was a gatekeeper. My grandmothers had thier little superstitious practices.

This is the part you'll probably want to ask more about if I haven't talked abt it. I've exorcized a demonic or spiritual entity out of a person before. There's no way to prove it. I know what I saw and heard. I wasn't high.

It makes me wonder how many cases are actually supernatural and how many are actually just mental illness.

Also it's been driving me insane Joshua but I know you somehow outside of therapy. I do wonder if we've just been at the same place at the same time more than once and that's why I remember your face or if we have many mutual ppl. This is a big city small town so who knows. I hope it doesn't fuck up th Or you have a doppelganger 🤷🏻‍♀️

Idk.

I think one reason ppl think me and Travis would be a pair is because he's just a really kind good person. This extends beyond me and to others he knows. His family really is picturesque. They are excellent people. He will make someone incredibly happy one day. I am really bothered by people passing him over. He's actually looking for a therapist. I wouldn't be bothered if any of my friends saw you as a patient. The whole "oh no we can't do therapy with people you know" thing imo is silly. People in this state all know each other to the point it's just goofy.

My partner called me all excited that he didn't have to work overnight. He called because he was going out and felt bad that he wouldn't get to chat with me and had planned on doing so and had been excited to do so. He actually said "I Love you" more than once and I told him to go have fun. Saying I Love you is difficult for him sometimes. Am I sad I'm not getting to talk to him? Yes. Am I happy he got out of a stressful work night to enjoy time with his buddies or other partner? Yes, why wouldn't I be? I do get sad that I can't be there but it's still better than half the mfers that are just overgrown fuckbois etc that don't even have the emotional maturity to call.

I'm gonna go smoke out, do smol bit of laundry in my travel laundry bucket thing, eat decent food, stay up to an asinine hour, and play Sims4.

Hopefully no dumb bullshit occurs.

I cannot and I'm not the one this evening.

Goodnight

[tendous-socks]

do you know, the muffin man?

platonic baji and chifuyu x reader 

title has nothing to do with the actual plot lol

not proof read

saber is my dog who passed when i was little and i missed him.

idk what's going on with the capitalization, 

a warm up of sorts ;)

“That's what a mommy’s boy would say” “Hey”

It was summer nights like these you'd never forget.

The crisp air that danced in your lungs when you took a deep, filling breath. Or the gathering of stars overhead that watched you as you made your way home. like your own personal guardian angels.

Lights flickered off one by one as the night grew older and the street lamps stood proudly in their stead. It was nights like these that made you feel at ease. So much so that you felt that saber, your fat, lovable mush of a dog would just love to go on a midnight walk.

Although midnight was… less than ideal, you didn't plan to stay so late at cram school, the janitor nearly kicked you out himself when he saw you so absorbed in your homework. the furrowed look etched upon his face when he asked why you were doing all that on a friday evening, when you should be home with your family, or out doing illegal things with your friends.

You gripped the straps on your backpack just tighter just thinking about it.

you'll just have to stay up and finish it later then, after talking your beloved golden out for his much deserved walk.

Rounding the corner, you spotted your apartment complex as it stood tall amongst the houses surrounding it. Almost out of place.

The lights illuminating the road almost like a pathway home as you continued on. Your silent footsteps duetting the chirping of cicadas.

Pesky little things liked to choir all night singing melodies of long before as they woke up from their decades of slumber.

my god you couldn't get home fast enough.

which wouldn't be a problem if you didn't hear an excruciatingly loud cackle from your complex.

and due to the light of the street lamps, if you could squint hard  enough you could see the silhouettes of two people sitting on the stairs that allowed you to go up…

damn it

this was gonna be weird 

as silent as a church mouse, you trudged your way over to them. Thoughts a second as you scratched your brain for something to say

something that you wont wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat regretting saying.

“uhm excuse me… i need to get up there so, yeah” you said, knuckles white as you felt your body heat up. 

You didn't bother to catch a full glance at them, only noting their black uniforms and that one had long, black hair and another had a yellow undercut.

“Oh yeah sure! Sorry about that..” You chuckled nervously as the yellow one scooched over a bit allowing you to squeeze your way up 

“Yeah no problem”

Taking the first few steps up, making sure not the disturb the two, you debated neither sprinting up or just quietly walking. Of course all plans were thrown out the window when another, raspier voice asked “why’re you out so late? “

Your foot stopped almost immediately.

What?

You gulped thickly. “ oh, no reason, i just had cram school and lost track of the time ya’ know?” No of course they don't know because they obviously don't go to your cram school !

Almost as if he had an epiphany, the longer haired boy shot up like a rocket as he turned to fully face you.

“ wait a minute- that means you're smart right?”

“Baji no-” “ hey you mind helping us with our midterms? I don't wanna fail them and make my mom cry again, wouldn't be right”

“Oi baji! Who said I needed help? I'm the one who's tutoring you!” the blondie argued back, voices echoing up around and through the staircase as you finally looked at the two of them.

chifuyu , who you now recognize as a delinquent and baji… who you've never seen in your life both apparently went to your school as you faintly recalled a morning announcement of both their names being called and summoned to the principal's office.

As well as the rumors that surrounded them both as you remembered the whispers upon whispers of gossip dripping from your friends mouth like sugar coated honey, too tempting not to take a bite out of.

All in all, they were trouble.

“Uh haha yeah, I'm sorry. I don't think I'll be of any use to you since I'm not the brightest of people, I'm sorry I have to go, have a good night though.”

And like cinderella you dashed off up stairs. Not even bothering to look back or hide your footsteps as you heard baji call and complain for you to come back and how chifuyu ruined his chances of passing his terms.

but of course, you were back downstairs… not exactly downstairs as you were on one of the landings that separated the floors, the soft fluff of sabers tail wagging excitedly as you held onto his blue, rope leash as you stared down the stairs wondering why exactly the two of them were  still. here.

You groaned internally as you took a step back, pulling lightly on his leash as you went to go back down the hall and into the safety of your apartment. Already thinking of excuses to tell your mom why you didn't take your baby for his daily walk.

Plop

…. 

You tugged on the leash a little harder, only to no avail as your lab stared up at you with a little smile..

This son of a bitch.

“C'mon saber lets go, I promise I'll take you on two walks tomorrow, so please let's just go” you whined, crouching down next to him as you went to softly push at his side. 

But like the anchor he is, he didn't budge.

“Please saber c’mon i wanna go home now lets go you fat little man” you moaned as you stole a glance towards the stairs, hoping to god you didn't alert the two.

But alas, you were met with a pair of blue and golden eyes staring at you curiously. Though the curiosity in their eyes didn’t overshadow the way they loomed over you and you little man, both of them blocking any whisper of light that tried to escape through as it haloed blindingly around them.

‘ oh it’s you- i didn't know you had a dog” baji said as a smile grew on his face as he slowly knelt down as your dog’s tail quickly went to whipping your side as you just gawked at him.

“Oi baji, you have to ask to pet him, er her. ``Chifuyu went to look at you, eyebrows raised as his friend simply ignored him and continued caressing your dog.

“do they bite?” was the only response you got from the black haired boy, his eyes meeting yours briefly as his smile stood pride on his beaming face.

“I do well, I guess it's fine. Don't worry about it, Saber, he’s really friendly and loves people, so he won't bite '' you spoke as chifuyu hesitantly went to start touching his golden fur, the dim midnight lighting doing him zero justice.

Though when you were nestled in your bed with your big ol’ security guard crushing your feet to the point where they'd both turn shades of blue and purples, you could really see how vibrant and golden his fur really was.

Smiling softly as the saber excitedly sniffed baji’s hand as the latter held a smile as big as the sun and eyes creased like a young boy who just got his favorite candy.

you noted how his other hand was scratching exactly where you knew your dog was ticklish, his leg going to scratch the same spot as he let out a low chuckle.

Quietly looking at chifuyu, you saw him quite engrossed in what baji was doing as he stared at where your dog was battling baji’s hand for scratching rights.

“ You really love him, yeah?”

“Hm? Pardon?”

“You’re dog…” “Saber”

“Yep. i can see it all over your face and his body that you spoil him like a little rich kid”

You laughed at his little comment as you went to play with his floppy ears “yep/ he’s my little spoiled brat who loves food and cuddles and will absolutely die if you don't take him on a walk or two during that day”

“ sorry about earlier, baji is just very… passionate about his grades” “ oh is that so?”

“ yeah, that and he doesn't want his mom to be upset about him being held back… again” With a light squeeze to the saber's ear, you took a risk as you opened your mouth.

“Oh, so he's a mama’s boy then?” “Exactly” “Hey I'm not! “

You and Chifuyu looked at each other and hummed in agreement.

[vtforpedro]

health - TWs in tags please read them

I wish I could say I'm doing better. I was, actually, for a while after I got on this new med. finally felt a good bit of relief from the severity and was working on art like crazy, even tho I am noticeably going downhill in other areas? about two weeks ago the severity came back with a vengeance and I feel like my body is slowly giving up. not just me, but my body. I feel extremely unwell and off and like something is deeply wrong, which is how I felt at the beginning of all of this. scares me my symptoms are getting worse and I have new ones. living in actual hell right now and just want it to stop I finally got my 'urgent' MRIs done a couple of days ago and the reports came in last night. pm everything looks the same except one thing and that's 'minimal CSF flow [medical jargon for the back of my brain] decreased significantly and more conspicuous on this exam' in comparison to april 2021. when you have minimal spinal fluid flow in an area of your brain, you're typically symptomatic and I am. very. symptomatic lol scares me even more got an appt with the big specialist at the neuro hospital in 5 weeks but genuinely don't feel like I'm going to make it. I keep telling my mom I'm going to end up in the ER soon because of how bad it's getting I can barely walk without losing my balance, I'm losing muscle mass, having trouble swallowing, thinking clearly about anything at all, typoing and mixing up words constantly, mixing up my meds despite my pill box, not having much of a memory anymore. scared to take a shower, scared I'm going to fall or pass out daily so I try to carry my phone everywhere like idk falling apart physically and emotionally and still waiting to be taken more seriously. my neuro just wants to wipe his hands clean of me and send me off to the specialist but it's like my guy that's far away and I am suffering. I didn't think I would make it yesterday emotionally or physically lol I don't know how to keep doing this. I truly don't. I don't want to, I don't want to suffer and feel like I'm going to fall and die in pain and agony soon. I go to sleep afraid I won't wake up but lately I've been hoping that's the case because at least I won't be afraid or in pain. I feel alone. I feel like only my mom would care if I was gone. I feel like no one cares to hear about this anymore and would rather I just stop talking about it when I need support now more than ever I'm sorry to talk like this but it's how I feel. wondering if you are actively dying, going to die, should call the paramedics, go to the er, end things for yourself, all day long, every single day, is not only exhausting but it's not living I saw my pcp and she said I looked miserable, unwell, unhappy. she said it like three times and said she was sorry I felt so unwell. but because my labs were not off the charts abnormal it's just 'eh drink a little more water' and idk. I feel like I am telling these doctors serious, serious things about what's happening to me and none of them will ever care. none of them will ever lift a finger if it means they have to research or ask for help because it hurts their egos and people suffer for it I suffer. I wanted so badly to work on medical trauma with my therapist but the only thing we talk about is how severely my body has deteriorated each week and how I can barely handle it lol I obvs can't go to a hospital, the lights and sounds and meds and my health conditions would do me in lmao so she asks me what we can do to keep me here and I don't know anymore I'm sorry. I am in a lot of pain right now

[readbythestarlight]

c2e140

So okay is tonight the last episode? Because people keep saying it is basically and like while I’ve resigned myself to it ending I feel like if it ends tonight it’s gonna be VERY abrupt

I’ve been so distracted by the battle I forgot to type lol

That thing Caleb did with the glaive was intense tho and very clever

[[MORE]]

"I cast Marine Layer!!!" lol

I’m sorry HOW many attacks??

Jfc how is Veth still up

Don’t make her cut through the body of her wife wtf Matt

Oh thank goodness

Veth noooooo

"Lots of cover" says Caleb, who is trapped under a tower

E: "Caleb I need you!"

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I’m crying

YAAAAAS BABY

SAVING HIS MAN

"Press my forehead to his forehead" FUCKINGGGGGGGS

F O R E H E A D T O U C H

I’m going to cry forehead touches are my FAVORITE form of showing affection and intimacy

jester NO

This is starting to get frustrating as a fight come ON KILL HIM

Both of the clerics going down

Wonderful

Oh thank GOD he had death ward

Holding onto his maaaaaan

Caleb that’s smart very nice

Should have willed her to just live tho tbh

Fuck I need to sleep just as the fight has started to get interesting/stressful

Oh thank god that Cad had a diamond ready to bring her back

Oh no is it gonna fail??

FUCK

that’s the first time they’ve failed to bring someone back

OH MY GOD

MATTHEW YOU SON OF A BITCH

God the clerics are in BAD shape

Please stop picking on my kids

Cant Lucien and the Eyes just die

He’s down fuck

And Essek’s right there with him

Fuck

Oh thank GOD for that heal bless you Laura/Jester

Niiiiiice!

Oh daaaaamn Beau nice move

NAT20 YEAAHHHH

Marisha jumping up and down in her chair lol

Essek Gonna fuck him UP for hurting Caleb HELL yeah

Y’all I’m writing so much Shadowgast in my head

FUCK HIM UP BOIIIIIII

Babyyyyyyy

Plz don’t kill Essek

Essek nooooo

Oh thank god

Not my other BOYYYY

Okay okay oKAY GOOD

HOW is there still an hour and a half to go

Stop trying to kill my BOY

Babyyyy D:

Hey Matt why don’t you tell us what Essek saw

Did he see Caleb reaching out for him

Did he Matt

Did he

FUCK NOT AGAIN

CALEB NOOOO

God dammit

Fucking fuck

NO

he’s DEAD

fucking hell

Essek get back to your man

Of course they can’t see him

Not that it matters because he’s dead

Fucking fuuuuuck

End this fight already I hate this

Come on Laura roll really good

YES

GO LAURA

GO JESTER

YAAAAAAAAAS

Y’all I literally shrieked

Holy shit y’all

Hoooolllyyyyy shit

Oh that’s both spooky and soft

Oh good the eyes are going too I’m glad

Bring him BACK

I’m begging

Revivify

Please oh gods please

(Essek please stand there in the background anxious)

Please god y’all can’t kill Liam’s character at the end of BOTH campaigns

God I was CONVINCED he was going to be perma-dead

“Insight check” I’m laughing through my tears

Somebody let Essek hug Caleb or something idk

What the

No way

I’m with Essek and Fjord here

“Once you’re a member of the Mighty Nein you’re in. You should know that by now.” Okay okay okay

Are we really gonna do this omg

Yoooooo go back for the bag!

Oh no

RIP the bag of holding

Fjord’s priorities are in the right place *nod*

Gonna have to have a one shot to find the lost U’kotoa eye I guess

NAT20 whoopWHOOP

Awww Fjorjester huuuuug they’re so wholesome

I honestly don’t know how I feel about this

Oh my godddddddd

What

Was it a 9???

What was it??

OH NO

A NAT1?? oh jeeze

That

That hurts

To have lost him a second time, basically

Ouch…

Essek now is not the time to be jealous, love

Fjord checking up on my boy

E: “It’s not fair. It’s not fair, you’ve all come so far. It’s just not fair.”

F: “It rarely is. You did more for us and for him than most anyone we know

“I spent my entire life studying with the intent to not let things like this happen to chance. That can’t be it, can it?”

F: “I don’t know, but if you ere to ask my wife friend Cad he’d tell you that life continues on. It changes, it elopes, it grows. I don’t think there’s an end…” couldn’t follow the rest but I’m crying a LOT

“You’ve shown me all I need to see” THANK YOU FJORD im crying so hard y’all

“Caleb Widowgast. Have you ever accepted defeat?”

“Hm. Maybe today for the first time. Or, well, a chance in direction anyway.”

Essek wants to help so bad y’all I’m cryin’

Oh dang Cad

HOLY

oh my god

02%

WILD

MOM

???

“Put it back. I think they’ve earned it. Put it back.”

Oh my goddddd

I feel better knowing it’s Taliesin’s choice

I’m gonna CRY

Oh

My GODDDSS

“I can’t deal with the emotional whiplash” GIRL SAME

“Your eyes open for the first time”

Holy

FUCK

“Bolts up and runs”

Oh my god y’all

Oh

My god

GROUP HUG HIM

Molly

Mollymauk

MOLLYMAUK

TEALEAF

not empty not empty no

Babyyyy

Fuck y’all I’m gonna cry

I’m gonna cry for real

I didn’t think I’d really be so happy to have him back

Holy SHIT y’all

Yeeeeees hug your man Caleb

This is so emotional I’m crying

“Empty” no baby

I’m so glad it wasn’t at the cost of us losing Caduceus

I love Cad so much

“I’m so tired”

“I think you have a bright future ahead of you”

I’m crying over everyone being so sweet to Essek <3

“You’re always welcome at my house”

Y’all I’m gonna BAWL next week

Literally gonna just weep for however many hours it lasts

[i-need-entertainment]

My Little Family: Fatgum

*In this Oneshot you, the reader, are Overhaul’s wife but not by choice. You are 22 years old and have a 4 year old son. Let’s just say Overhaul took over at like idk 18. I also may e v e n t u a l l y turn this into a book.*

“Alright, is there anything else I should know?” Fatgum asked as he finished listening to Rappa’s explanation of Overhaul’s true plans. Rappa went quiet for a second, before speaking up. “Yeah, you guys are here for the kid, right?” He asked, looking Fatgum in the eye, and for the first time during this entire encounter was completely serious. Fatgum nodded. “Yeah, we are. Why?” “Because there’s someone else y’gotta get outta here.” Fatgum looked confused for a second. Someone else? But who else could be here? Whoever it is still needs help, and as long as a fight isn’t involved he should be fine. “Who? Our intel only knew about Eri.” Rappa shook his head, “From what I know this was from before Eri. Listen, it doesn’t matter now what matters is you get ‘er outta here.” “I agree, but who is ‘she’?” Rappa sighed and looked at Fatgum once again. “Overhole’s wife. She’s got their kid with her too.” Fatgum was visibly taken a back at Rappa’s statement. He had a wife!? And a kid?! Rappa noticed his confusion and decided to elaborate. “From what I found out he was given her from a Yakuza agreement or something like that. Anyways, he needed a wife and an heir for him to take over so he married her and they had the kid. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you he’s not exactly husband or dad material so  you really need to get em out.” Fatgum was even more disgusted with Overhaul than he originally had been. Not only had he done unspeakable things to Eri, but he also kidnapped a woman, forced her to get married and then locked her and their son away! Oh no, not happening. “Where are they?” “I don’t know the specifics, but I know they’re on this level, by the office I think” Just then the cops entered the room and took Rappa and Tengai into custody, also taking an unconscious Kirishima to the ambulance. “You guys go ahead, there’s someone else we gotta get outta here.” The cops nodded and a few went with him, since he couldn’t exactly fight at full capacity anymore. They started down the winding hallways, desperately searching for the woman and her child. *smash* Fatgum looked into the room of the door he had just kicked down. He looked the right and saw a young, beautiful woman sitting in the corner holding a small boy with dark brown hair and golden eyes huddled to her chest.

(insert picture of ‘Kenji Chisaki’)

He walked in and slowly made his way towards her. “Hello Miss, I’m the pro hero Fatgum, we’re here to get you out.” He gave his signature smile and felt his heart flutter when the woman started crying happy tears, while her son perked up at the mention of ‘pro hero Fatgum’. Fatgum smiled, “Can I have your name miss…?” She stood up, considerably shorter than the taller male, still holding the small boy in her arms. “It’s Y/n…Y/n Chisaki.” Fatgum then looked to the small boy, “And what’s your name little man?” The little boy then looked at his mom who nodded and looked shyly back to the hero. “I-It’s Kenji…Kenji Chisaki.” “Well Kenji, Mrs. Chisaki, We’re here to get ya outta here, let’s go.” He held a hand out to the woman who slowly, but gratefully took it. He led them outside where he left them with some cops and went to find Kirishima.

*After the whole fight, we are now in the hospital.*

(Insert picture of hospitalized Fatgum)

“I’m hungry” Fatgum mumbled as he sat in his hospital bed, messy blond hair going every which way. He sighed as he looked around the room. He knew he had to be here, but did he have to be here?! Not only was It boring but he couldn’t even get a decent portion of food! All he really wanted was to go home to his own bed and sleep. Right after food of course. Just then there was a knock at the door. “Come in!” He loudly answered. The door nob turned and in walked a woman with h/l h/c hair, holding a bag in one hand, and the smaller hand of a little boy in the other. “I hope I’m not interrupting, but a little someone,” She smiled as she looked down to the small boy, who shyly looked away. “Wanted to say thank you.” Fatgum smiled widely and looked down to the little boy. “Not at all! I’m glad you stopped by! You two are welcome anytime.” He ruffled the little boys hair and smiled at the woman, taking this moment to realize how beautiful she was. The little boy’s eyes shined with amazement at the hero, who he had always admired. He didn’t have the best upbringing. And even though he’s only four he knew what his father did was bad. He knew because how he treated his mother was bad. Y/n always did her best to shield him from her husband, putting on a fake smile and trying to give her son a chance at a normal childhood. She also did anything she could to stop him from turning into the cold blooded Yakuza leader his father wanted him to be. So, instead of teaching him to hate quirks, she taught him the different types. Instead of training him to hate heroes, she told him about all the different ones. Fatgum had been his favorite. Y/n did everything she could to give her son a better life, and she had also reaped plenty of consequences for it, but if it was for her baby, it would be worth it. So when her son asked if he could see the hero, she reached out to Aizawa who set up the meeting. Kenji shyly looked down to his feet, hands clasped behind his back. “U-uhm…mm.. Thank you…for saving me and mommy.” The boy looked up at him and smiled. Fatgum smiled back patting the young boy on the head, eliciting a small giggle from him. Y/n could feel the tears starting to gather, she couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled like that. Let alone laugh! “It’s not a problem little guy. I’m just glad you and your mommy are safe.” Fatgum looked at Y/n before looking back down to Kenji. Kenji nodded and went back to his mother’s side, lightly grasping her pants leg. Kenji, can you wait outside with the nice Police officer please? Mommy just wants to talk to Mr. Fatgum.” Kenji nodded and waved goodbye to the hero, who happily waved back. “He really likes you. You’re actually his favorite hero, he’s just too shy to say it.” Y/n smiled and lightly giggled. Fatgum’s eyes widened and he felt his face get hotter, he quickly averted his eyes, shyly laughing. “I just wanted to say thank you…I know I already did, but, I just can’t thank you enough for saving my son.” She looked up at him with soft features, and a grateful smile on her face. “It’s really no problem Mrs. Chisaki.” “Y/n, just call me Y/n. I haven’t gotten our names changed yet, but I want to start over.” “That reminds me, what are you doing? Living arrangements and all?” “Well, right now we’re staying at UA in one of the spare teacher’s dorms. They wanted to keep us close by in case one of ka- Overhaul’s men came to find us. It’s not permanent, but until I can find a job it’ll work.” Fatgum thought for a moment. “Hey, have you got your heart set on somethin yet?” She shook her head “No, not many places are interested in hiring the ex-wife of Overhaul. Despite the circumstances.” “If I offered you a job…would you be interested?” Y/n looked at him in shock. “W-wait, really!?” He nodded. “Yup. Everyone deserves a second chance. There’s even a really good day-care Kenji can go to right across from my agency.” “Are you sure?! I don’t want to be a burden-“ “Y/n.” She looked at him, heart beat speeding up at seeing his smile, “I promise you would never be a burden.”  Y/n thought for a moment. “Okay. I accept. Thank you!” She leaned forward and hugged him. He was shocked for a moment before his senses kicked in and he hugged back, well with one arm but still. Y/n as soon as she realized what she did jumped back. “Sorry! I didn’t realize! I didn’t hurt you did I?!” He laughed “Don’t be sorry! I hugged back didn’t I? And despite the bandages it’s really not that bad. I think the doctors went overkill.” Y/n lightly laughed and smiled. They both were sitting there, both admiring the other. “O-oh! I almost forgot!” Fatgum watched with curiosity and amusement as the young woman fumbled with her bad before she took out a Tupperware container. She handed it over to him and she encouraged him to open it. He opened the lid revealing home made Takoyaki. His eyes widened and he felt like he could burst into happy tears at the sight in front of him. “I hope they’re okay, it’s been awhile since I got to cook them from scratch.” He took one and ate it, it was amazing! “It’s amazing!!” She laughed, really happy he enjoyed it. “I take it you like them then?” He quickly nodded his head. “Okay then, I can bring you more tomorrow. I just figured you’d like it more than the hospital food.” He looked her dead in the eye and nodded. “Definitely. And only if its no trouble.” “Its not, honest. It was really nice to get back to cooking. It’s a big hobby of mine.” “Well, whenever you need a taste tester, you know where to find me!” He had a dorky grin on his face as he looked at her, and she couldn’t help but grin at how he looked like a little kid at a playground. She broke herself out of her thoughts and decided it was time she and Kenji head home. “Um, I should probably get Kenji home, it’s almost dinner time. I’ll see you tomorrow?” He nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you don’t want to keep the kid out too late. And sure, feel free to stop by whenever! Especially with food as good as this!” She laughed and made her way to the door, waving goodbye and leaving the hospital with Kenji holding her hand, going on and on about the cool hero.

*One year later* (Time skip because I am author and I hold all power~)

Y/n woke up and rolled over onto her side to run off the alarm she had set on her phone. She yawned, sat up and stretched, getting out of bed to start the day. She showered, brushed her teeth, did her hair/make up and got dressed. She wore her usual for work, a silky white button up blouse with jeans and black heels. She finished up getting ready and made her way to her son’s room. The past year has been amazing. Shortly after she started working for Fatgum, she and Kenji moved into a small home, and the BMI hero grew very close to the duo. Fatgum very often ate dinners with them before going to patrol, he spent a lot of time with them often going to the park with them and stuff like that. He even went with Kenji to is father’s day event at school. To most who didn’t know them, they looked like a little family. If only it was made known how much both of them wanted just that. To be a little family. She opened her sons door and walked over to his bed, crouching down. She gently shook him awake, “Kenji, Kenji baby it’s time to get up.” The little boy slowly opened his eyes, rubbing them and sitting up trying to wake up. “Good morning.” Y/n smiled at her sleepy kid. “Morning mommy…do I get to see Tashiro today?” “Yup, you’ll be coming to my office after school today.” He nodded and smiled a sleepy smile up at his mom. “C’mon, lets get you  ready for school.” He nodded and got out from his bed, walking over to his little dresser and getting ready. After they both had breakfast and Y/n had made the three of them lunch (she made Fatgum lunch everyday) they both loaded into the car. Y/n dropped Kenji off at school and made her way to the Fatgum agency to start her day. She got in, greeted the receptionist and made her way into the elevator. She was just about to close the doors when, “HEY! WAAAAAIITT!!” She looked up to see a frazzled looking Kirishima swiftly running her way. She swiftly threw her hand in the way, pausing the doors from closing, allowing the young red head to enter. “Thanks Mrs. Chisaki! I thought I was gonna have to take the stairs again!” she smiled and gave him a playful flick on the forehead. “Maaaaybe if you had been here earlier, you wouldn’t have had to run~ And I thought I told you Y/n was fine.” Over the past year, Kirishima and Tamaki had become like her little brothers. They both tried their best to be good friends for her after what she had been through, and they always babysat and looked out for Kenji. Kenji had been having a rough time at school. Ever since the kids and teachers found out whose son he was, he wasn’t treated as kindly as he should have been. One day when he was playing at recess a group of 4th graders had ganged up on him and started to beat him up, only for him to discover his quirk. No one was injured, just scared. But when they realized he not only had the looks, name and quirk of his father, they treated him poorly. Y/n had relentlessly fought the school on this, but they never listened to her. After being called some crude words by the principal a suited up Fatgum made his way down to the school to discuss the boys treatment. Lets just say Kenji was treated much nicer now. “I’m sorry Mrs. Y/n…It’s really unmanly of me to be late isn’t it!” Y/n sighed and shook her head. Unable to hide the smile on her lips. “Everybody had those days Kirishima, just be glad you’re not actually late.” He gave her his signature smile just as the doors opened up. “I’m gonna go get ready, see ya later Mrs. Y/n!” “Bye Kirishima!” Y/n waved and made her way to the staff room to get some coffee and put their lunches in the fridge. Y/n, accompanied by her caffeinated goodness, made her way to Fatgum’s office. She opened the door and went in. Fatgum’s head shot up from his desk, and a big goofy smile adorned his face when he saw who it was that had entered his office. “G’mornin Y/n!” Y/n made her way to the small desk she had in his large office. “Good morning Taishiro! Oh! Before I forget, Kenji wanted to know if you’d be at dinner tonight?” He looked up from his desk, same cheeky smile still on his face, “Just Kenji, Huh?” Y/n rolled her eyes, once again unable to hide the smile that came to her lips. Playing along she leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes and crossing her arms. “*sigh* Yeah, I tried to get him to pick someone else, but he just can’t be convinced.” Fatgum let out a hearty chuckle. “I’ll be over tonight, can’t miss out on seeing my favorite bud!” Y/n looked at him, smile still on her face. “Just him?” Fatgum looked back at her, “Not just Kenji.” The two were smiling like love-sick teenagers looking into each other’s eyes. “U-um, can w-we get on w-with patrol n-now…” They both swiftly looked over to see a very embarrassed Tamaki to be sitting on the couch, right where he had been the entire time the two adults had been so obviously flirting. Y/n sat back and buried her nose in paperwork, and Fatgum cleared his voice, popping one last Takoyaki into his mouth. “Yeah I guess we should get going. C’mon Suneater! Lets grab Red and get goin, yeah?” The young man just nodded, giving Y/n a small ‘good bye’ and walking out the door. “I’ll see ya later Y/n.” “See you Later Taishiro.” With one last smile, he left for a long day of saving the city.

~Time skip to after patrol and Kenji is in the office~

Fatgum sighed as he opened the door to his office. Today had been an especially rough day. Not only had he used up all of his stored fat, but he also had to do a bunch of paperwork. He was not looking forward to that. But he was looking forward to seeing his two favorite people. He walked in and immediately heard little feet, looking to his left he watched as Kenji ran up to him and clutched his legs, looking up to him. “Hi Tashiro! How was patrol!” He couldn’t help but to grin at the smiling little boy looking up at him. Over the past year Kenji and Y/n have become more than friends to him. They’ve become his family. He’s grown very attached to the two, and he has every intention of taking care of them for the rest of his life. If only he could tell Y/n how he feels. Maybe then he could be Kenji’s actual dad…and maybe someday he could be Y/n’s husb- “Tashiro!” He snapped out of his trance, glancing down to the boy before picking him up and swinging him around. He then stopped spinning and just held the boy, leaning away so he could talk to him. “Not bad little guy! How was school today?” Kenji sighed looking away, his golden eyes slightly squinting. “…Not good..” Fatgum’s grin fell as he looked at the little boy who was avoiding his gaze. “Hey, what happened?” Kenji looked at Fatgum, Golden eyes filled with shame and sadness. “The kids kept calling me names. They call me ‘Overhaul’ or ‘killer’ and ‘villain’! But I’m not! I’m not any of those things!” Fatgum felt his heart break at the sight of the little boy’s eyes filling with tears. “I-I don’t, don’t want my name. I hate it! I hate him!” He lunged forward in Fatgum’s arms, hugging his neck tightly as he cried into his shoulder, Fatgum only held him tighter. “Hey, hey you’re not any of those things! And you’re definitely not his son, maybe by blood, but if home is what you make it, then family is too! Don’t listen to those kids, you know who you are, you’re a good person Kenji, and you’re turning out into an amazing hero,” Fatgum smiled at him, and helped Kenji wipe some of his tears away. Just then Y/n walked into the office, completed paperwork in her hands. “Hey, what happened?” Y/n had a concerned look on her face as she made her way over to Fatgum and Kenji. Fatgum carefully handed her Kenji and she soothingly rubbed his back trying to help him calm down. “Was it about school today?” Fatgum nodded and Y/n kissed the top of his head whispering a few ‘You’re okay baby’ and ‘it’s okay’ to try and calm him down. “Hey, why don’t we go ahead home for dinner? Then maybe play some games?” Kenji sat up, rubbing his eyes he nodded. “As much as I want to, I have to-“ “Do paperwork?” Y/n said as she held up the already completed paperwork with a cheeky grin. “I had the secretary send it over when you got it. You can thank Tamaki later for telling me. Fatgum let out a long sigh of relief, a big smile gracing his lips. “Man I love you.” His face went red as he said those words. SHOOT. SHE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HEAR THAT!!! Y/n blushed but turned around, setting Kenji on the ground, a ridiculous smile on her face. “Go ahead and get changed, I’ll get the car ready.” She gave him a sincere smile, trying to hide how incredibly happy and flustered she was at his statement. Y/n and Fatgum had been flirting for a while now. They both had a pretty good idea of how the other felt, but neither one wanted to complicate things. One was scared of making her uncomfortable, and the other didn’t want to be a burden for the already hard working hero. But enough was enough. Fatgum was not a ‘sit on the sidelines and wait’ kinda guy. He loved Y/n and Kenji with his whole heart. He couldn’t care less who Kenji’s biological dad was, because he knew if given the choice Kenji would choose him in a heartbeat. Just like Fatgum would choose him and Y/n over his hero agency. Tonight, he was going to tell her his idea. He got changed into his casual clothes (dark wash jeans, white t-shirt with a blue button up, unbuttoned and the sleeves rolled up.) and met up with Y/n and Kenji, getting into the car and driving to their house. They got out and headed inside, and while Y/n made some f/f Fatgum played heroes with Kenji. “No fair! I wanna be Fatgum! He’s so cool!” Fatgum teased as he ‘tried to reason’ with the six year old. “mmmmm…” Kenji pretended to think for a moment, “No. I wanna be Fatgum tonight. You can beeeee…” Kenji looked around until he spotted his All Might action figure. “You can be All Might.” Fatgum sighed in fake sadness. “Alright, I guuueesss I can deal with All Might.” Kenji giggled and started running around the room, Fatgum running after him. Y/n stood in the doorway watching as her son played with her crush. She originally came up to say dinner was ready, but after watching this? She couldn’t just stop it! It was too cute! When Fatgum had eventually caught up to Kenji he swung him up on his shoulders, the six-year old’s giggles still hadn’t stopped. “Alright you two, dinners ready.” Both of their ears perked at the sound of dinner, and Kenji scrambled down to go and wash his hands before he took a seat at the table. “Y’know, I think ya might wanna get him into a doctor.” Fatgum said as he made his way over to the doorway. “Oh?” Y/n looked at him with a questioning eyebrow raised. “He’s the one kid on the planet that would pick me over All Might!” Y/n let out a light hearted laugh, “What can I say? He might be a little biased.” Y/n teased. Fatgum shook his head as he laughed. Him and Y/n then made their way down to the dining table. They all took their seats, said a small prayer, and began to eat their food. When they finished Fatgum and Y/n noticed Kenji had been a little antsy in his chair. “Hey bud, you ok? Your squirmin’ quite a bit there!” Kenji looked a little uncomfortable for a bit avoiding both of their gazes before he looked at them both, gaining a little confidence in the loving looks they both were giving to him. “I….I want to change my name….I don’t like having his name….I want…someone else’s..” The last part was quiet so they didn’t really hear it, but they knew he didn’t want ‘Chisaki’ any longer. And to be honest, neither did Y/n. (OOKAY I KnOw that when Y/n and Overhaul divorced then her name could have been changed back to her original name, buuuuut please bear with me, for SOME reason she couldn’t.) “I know, and I’m sorry Kenji, it’s just really hard. We’ll go to the court house tomorrow, okay?” Kenji looked a little hopeful, but he knew it would go like it always did. They would see ‘Chisaki’ and wouldn’t even try to change it. Even seemingly ‘quirkless’ and imprisoned people were still scared of him. Which is exactly why they wanted to change it!! “Wait.” They both looked over to Fatgum who had a serious look on his face. “Kenji, do you think you can wait just a little bit longer?” Kenji looked at him confused but nodded his head nonetheless. Y/n looked at him, still not quite getting what he was implying. “Taishiro…what…what do you mean?” Fatgum turned completely in his chair to face Y/n, taking her hands in his, he looked her straight in the eyes, “I mean, if you can wait just a little bit longer, will you take mine instead?” Y/n felt her heart swell with his words. “Tashiro..w-what do you mean!?” Kenji asked, “I mean, if you’re mom will have me, I want to be your dad Kenji. I want us to be a happy little family.” He smiled at the boy, whose eyes were lit up in hopefulness. He then looked back to see Y/n who was crying happy tears, “Y/n…Will you marry me?” Y/n wiped her eyes and nodded, letting out a laugh as she tried to stop crying. “Yes, yes I will.” Fatgum grasped her in a tight hug and Kenji leaped down from his chair to join the now family hug. “I love you Y/n, Kenji. So, so much!” Y/n smiled and kissed his cheek. And Kenji just buried himself further into his chest. “We love you too daddy!” When Fatgum ran into the Shie Hassaikai base, he expected a fight, blood, tears, and maybe even death. But he never could have expected to come out of it with his whole world. His little family.

[urlocalnctstan]

𝚃𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜

Genre : Angst, Fluff, Slow-burnish, Idol AU

Pairing : Jaehyun x Reader ft.Mark (other members too)

Warning(s) : strong language, age-gap, mature contents, weird writing style lmao, uh what else? idk but yeah

Disclaimer :The story is completely fictitious, idol-fan relationships are not common so some of you crazy ones out here, pls don’t get too delusional, your oppas will be your oppas only virtually, not in real life.

Playlist : Youtube Link / Written

Word Count : 5.4k

Summary : ‘Time and tide waits for none’- a quote that is universally accepted and believed. You both had had your experience of meeting the right one at the wrong time, the concept of love long forgotten after the sudden downfall of your relationship together. But will time eventually heal everything for you both?

The car came to a halt, your mind subconsciously drifting back to the humiliation you faced tonight back at the office.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB, Y/N?” your boss was a fuming mess, his whole office scattered with the documents you had brought just a few moments ago. At the sight of the shredded papers, you felt you heart clench. You worked so hard for this project, disregarding God knows how many nights of your sleep. The feeling of abomination was slowly creeping up from the pit of your stomach towards the man who stood taut, seething in rage.

“HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU TO JUST DO WHAT THEY ASKED YOU TO?” He yelled, his fist furiously banging on his wooden desk, beneath his hand rested some pieces of the torn documents.

“Sir, even you know how risky it is to design as they asked to. If a blunder happens it is our company that is to be held accountable, not theirs.” you knew it was pointless to reason with the stubborn headed prick, but you had to try out your luck.

“Get out. Out, out, out. Get your fucking face out of my face.” He swished his index finger repeatedly, letting out a frustrated shriek just as I was about to exit his office. His wrath was nothing new in the office, as all the other employees shot me a rather pitying look when they saw me exiting the team leader’s office with hands full of ripped papers. Wow, my 2 weeks worth of sleep. Just wow. You didn’t bother to reciprocate their sympathetic glances, storming out of the corridor as you furiously started clicking the floor to your cabin. The jabbing of your finger on the glowing button that read ‘13’ was the only sound that resonated in the fairly empty area, earning annoyed looks from the two individuals who stood right behind you.

“Ah, fuck.” You banged your head against the steering, recalling the even as you clutched the handles harshly. “Why,” another bang. “do I,” bang. “live like” bang. “this,” bang. You could feel your face was burning without even touching it, streams of tears flowing down. Just as you were about to give yourself another bang, the sudden honk of a car made you pause amidst your ritual. Indeed all motherfuckers love to test my patience. You decide to ignore the rider, mainly because you were also partially at fault for resting in your car in the middle of the park. You twisted the metal keys as the ignition went off, signaling your car was ready to flee. Yet again, you were distracted by soft knocks. You prayed to God to help you not lose your shit, at this point you were questioning if He ever hears your woes at all. The soft knocks stop immediately when you started to pull down the window, the person straightening only crouch again.

“Y/n?” his called out unsurely, as if he were afraid of mistaking you for someone else. You knew that voice, and that is not good news. Shit.

“Mark?” you were surprised to say the least, not expecting to run into an old friend. “Oh my god! How have you been?” You shoot out of your driver’s seat, instantly being engulfed into a bone crushing hug by the male.

“I have been good. Oh god, I can’t believe this! I can’t believe I ran into you after so long!” Mark still held you tight your embrace, the sudden reunion making him feel giddy with excitement.

“Yes indeed,” you were the first to pull out from the hug. You took a moment to study him; black mask covering half of his face as he smiled widely, eyes crinkled and the signature cheekbones still the same as they were in the past. God, it’s really been so long. “What are you up to these days?”

“Er,” Mark scratched his head as he laughed nervously, unsure if he was allowed to give you spoilers about his new album. “I have been working on my solo album actually.” 

“Are you for real?” You found yourself hugging Mark again at the joy of his successful career. “I’m so so proud of you mate!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Mark swayed you lightly, his voice muffled due to the mask he wore. Mark was the one to pull out now, still keeping your caged as he placed his hands on your shoulders. “In no way I am gonna let you leave without a trace again,” he almost groaned.

“Promise, I won’t anymore,” you signaled to the stack of files that rested on the backseat of your car. “They won’t leave me alone.”

“I’ll just ask your boss to assign you with more tasks then,” he giggled mischievously, earning a light smack from you at the mention of such an absurd idea.

“I’ll track your way to hell to kill you again if you do something like that,” you hissed at Mark, who was still giggling at your frustrated reaction. The atmosphere became quiet as Mark looked up in the vacant sky, deep in thoughts while you waited for him to continue. Your phone buzzed against your leather coat.

[From Bullhead] : Don’t think I am overlooking your mess. This is the first and final warning from me.

You shivered, half from the cold and half from the text you just received.

“26th, sharp at 8 PM, my place.” He snapped his fingers, hooting at the realization of having a free day in his busy scheduled life.

“Okay, done.” You should have refused, you thought. But for some reason, you found yourself agreeing to his offer, you felt both sad and guilty for disappearing out of your friend’s life without a trace. However, you couldn’t ignore the greedy feeling you felt, the want to see him again. “I think I should be done around...7:30? So I think I’ll be able to make it.” You unlocked and handed him your phone.

“You have to make it,” his eyes focused on the screen of your device, swiftly typing what you assumed was him number. “Just incase, text me if I happen to forget - no I know that look, Y/n, you must text if that happens..” He rolled his eyes, knowing that how much you would be overthinking about possibly tiring him because of his busy lifestyle. Mark dialed his number from your phone before handing it back to you. You visibly snickered at the name he saved his contact with : ‘My Boo MarkLee <3’ 

“Stop pretending as if you never renamed my existence as Markie Boo,” he groans, remembering how this has been his another one of the hundred pet names he had. Your conversation was cut mid way as his phone loudly vibrated in his phone, swiftly pulling it out as the guy whined in annoyance.

“Yo, I gotta go now I guess, something came up at the company.” He looked sad, pouty. “See you around, yeah?” You were pulled into another hug by the male, he surely loved to hug as usual.

“Yes, yes. Now go. Don’t be late.” You patted his back, pulling out of the hug and shooing him away towards his car.

“See ya, Mom.” He beamed as he sped off with his car. 

“Dumbass.” You muttered, softly laughing at the name he would always call you by, despite being years younger than him. You rounded around your car, getting inside. The start was bad but the end was good nonetheless. The keys of your car jiggled as you closed the door. Again, you twisted the keys, your mood slightly better than before for which you were grateful. Your car’s ignition blared, as you positioned towards the exit of the park, subtly muttering ‘long ass ride.’

The digits ‘7:37’ glowed on the the small digital clock beside your desktop. You felt stiff, stretching your neck as your bones made those cracking noes. You stare at your toes, zoning out was your passion and you excelled at it. You snapped straight, letting out a deep sigh as you started to scheme the projects before you were to hand them over to your bullhead boss. Soon enough, you were done, muttering almost too loudly for everyone that you wished your boss would be napping off instead of being awake.

Good for you, your prayers were answered for the first time in a while. You quietly placed the files that contained all the details that needed to be checked again by your boss, quietly making your way out of his cabin as soon as possible. On you way, you informed his secretary you were leaving, her face wore distraught and annoyance but softens as she saw you approaching. Sometimes you felt sympathetic towards her, often asking the heavens to bless her with utmost patience and perseverance to deal with the bullhead.

The marble floor clicked with every step you took, the sounds eerily audible in the serene lobby. It was very rare for the lobby to be filled with people in evening, the employees would practically sprint off their seats as soon as the clock hits 7. You made your way out of the building, making a mental note to buy a gift for Mark on your way back to home. What would he like? Take outs? Homemade? Wine? You drove across the street before halting your car in front of the department store that was situated just a few blocks away from your office. The header of the store glowed, the alleys seemingly half-crowded with people of different occupations you assumed. You let out a hiss as you felt a chill run down your spine, it was almost the end of Autumn which meant Winter was just round the corner. You decided to rely on your instincts, deciding to gift your friend a fancy bottle of wine despite having zero knowledge about it.

You were never quite the fan of wine. According to you, the seemingly alcoholic drink was too expensive, plus the etiquettes that came along for its consumption would always just make your turn your head away every time you laid your eyes across one. You schemed through the white shelves filled with different tastes and colors of wine, each hailing from various corners of the world. “How do I even spell it?” You crouched down a bit to a bottle that had caught your attention, the exquisite name was starting to make your head hurt. It’s probably a white wine you thought, the transparent color of the liquid was what made you convince. But something rather nostalgic caught your sight, before you could even realize, you found your fingertips caressing the cold glass bottle of the red liquid that you held now.

“If were to be a drink, then what would I be?” You lazily laid sprawled across the couch in the living, while you boyfriend who sat on the marble floor across fumbles with the knotted bunch of cables. Jaehyun had his gaze focus of the wire maze in his hands, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted in immense concentration.

“Peach milk,” he smiled, unbeknownst to you he was actually implying a double meaning for his answer.

“And why that?” You felt his choice a bit amusing, not really expecting that as an answer.

“Because I love your ass and boobs,” he winked, only to be hit by a pillow that was resting beneath your curled legs. Jaehyun felt himself giggling by your reaction, it was cute to see you being annoyed. “Babe, c’mon. I can’t lie about it.” 

“Never mind, just forget it.” You started to get a bit pissed, hurt as well because your sensitive ass thought he would probably say something sweet that would make you heart flutter. 

“Peach milk is my favorite, that’s the main reason why,” Jaehyun shifted his focus back to the cables, the last two knots were too adamant to let go of each other. You felt yourself smiling, too wide, he definitely knew you well. Cheeky bastard.

“What about me?” he asked, eyes still focused as he working on untying the last knot.

“Hmmm...” you shifted your position on the couch, now sitting up as you stared your boyfriend’s figure for a short while.

“Red wine.” sophisticated, classy, unique, warm. If you were to describe the aura around him, these would be the first choices.

However, your answer seemed to have caught Jaehyun’s attention, pausing in his tracks as he got curious as to why the specific choice. He had a huge grin on his face, he adored how you remembered the specific detail of red wine being his favourite, for he mentioned it in your first date which was 2 years back. But he knew there was more to it. He knew you too well. “But why red wine?”

You kept your gaze fixated on Jaehyun as he gets up from the ground, putting the cables in a secure manner to avoid another tie war. He hugged the pillow tight which you had previously thrown on him, before propping down beside you on the couch with a tired sigh, looking at you intently. It was as if you both were having a staring contest. So you rested your head on your right hand, both staring each other with soft smiles before you continued.

“You are much more to what everyone thinks you are,” you notice how Jaehyun cocks an eyebrow, still staring and trying to process what you just said.

“Just like wine, the more I know you, the more I know just how amazing you are. Both sweet and sour, but the balanced ratio of it is what makes you more admirable.” You admired how he was always able to balance things out, prior to what everyone believes about him, he had both good and bad sides to him. And that’s what made him more human, him acknowledging his flaws. That’s what made you fall for him.

Hearing you, Jaehyun thought he might dislocate his jaw anytime soon for smiling so hard. His heart started to do all sort of flips, ears starting to pink. It was at times like this when you don’t need words to express how you were feeling, silent but the communication was still present. Jaehyun slides his hand into yours, you glanced at both of your intertwined fingers before looking at him, his eyes full of hearts for you. You giggled, feeling shy at his intense stare but returning him the same way.

“I love you,” he whispered, his starry eyes which were only looking at you.

“Excuse me miss,” You jolt at the sudden change of voice coming from behind you. You whip around, a girl probably in her late teens stood nervously, her hands fidgets with the belts of her backpack. 

“Miss, you were kinda in the way so..” you felt flustered for absent-mindedly drifting into your dreamland while shopping for your friend, chiding yourself mentally in the process.

“Ah, I am so sorry,” you moved swiftly to the side to allow the teen some space to carry out her shopping. “Please, carry on.” You smiled softly. Though at the back of your mind you wanted to point out how she shouldn’t be consuming alcohol, but disregarded the urge nonetheless. Sometimes children should get to enjoy their minimal amount of fun in their youth too. You were still clutching the red wine bottle in your hand, eyeing it one last time before placing it back in the racks. You cleared your throat, as if to let the voices speaking inside your head know that you are not a stupid 20 year old anymore. You shake your head, glancing around to inspect if others were judging your state before proceeding to the counter for the random wine you picked which might have cost you half of your monthly salary. It’s okay to spend once in a while.

Mark was literally running around his apartment. Running. His head shot up as he remembered something. “Shit, fuck, are the bathroom lights okay?” he murmured to himself, sprinting off to the bathroom that was located in his vast living room first, followed by the ones in his bedroom and guestroom. Mark was still a newbie to the norms of living alone, him being a newborn living-alone man for sparsely 2 months. And he would barely be home due to his schedules. There were even times he would just forget his own bedroom.

“What else, what else,” he glanced over the whole area eyes drifting here and there before he realized something. Dumbass forgot to check if there were even enough food for two. Mark quickly scurried to the kitchen counter, the utensils were more than enough before checking his fridge. Beers? Check. Soju? Check. Kimchi? Check. Slices of chicken breast? Check. But the 33 year old still felt something was missing. Mark shifted his focus on the wooden shelf that was just above the kitchen sink, the transparent glass door of it making a creak sound as he opened it. For an apartment who’s owner was barely home, the shelf was definitely well packed and organized. It contained all sorts of ramen, tteokbokki and any other fast food you could name. “What else, what else, what else, what else,” he kept chanting, as if by some magic his chants of short memory would be heard and he would know what else was he missing out. He hunched over the lower shelf to inspect if all the sauces his housekeeper stores for him were present there. Absorbed in his thoughts, Mark did not notice the sudden sound of his bell going off, before the sounds just got repeated and even more louder. 

“What the fuck?” his eyebrows creased in annoyance, cussing out all the profanities he had in his vocabulary at the visitor’s insolent mannerism. Mark was beyond pissed, the person behind the other side of the door not only disrupted his memory battle but also had the audacity to ring the bell like a 3 year old in the middle of the night. Instead of just answering from the intercom, he directly opened the entrance door. “Look, it’s like 11 in the night - Hyung?” Mark halted his rant session as he realized it was Jaehyun standing in front of his house. Covered in black shirt, black mask, black pants - black everything, it would take a while for others who did not know him personally to recognize the member of the top boy group in the industry.

“Were you shitting or something,” Jaehyun smiled before casually giving his best friend a hug. Mark pulls out some of the spare slippers he had stored, while Jaehyun sits on the wooden step as he unties the knots of his black adidas. As Jaehyun get ups, he looks over to the other male standing in front of him, then down at the slippers and then again to the male.

“What?” Mark laughed, his hands shifting to the sides of his waist.

“Mark, please don’t go shopping by yourself next time,” Jaehyun silently judged Mark for offering him the fluffly colourful pink body and yellow polka dots slippers, similar to the ones he was wearing but the combination in opposite. 

“I got them from the BOGO offer going on in the supermarket just down the lane,” Mark wiggled his toes under the furry layer of clothing, slightly humming at the texture. “Bro this shit comfortable and cute, you can’t deny that.”

Jaehyun gives him another look, amused at how his bandmate’s old habits were still the same. “I help you out with your fashion choices next time. Don’t worry.” He patted Mark’s should, a sympathetic grin on his face as he anticipated the other male’s dramatic reaction. 

“Oh please,” Mark scoffed. “More like you need my and Johnny hyung’s assistance for your monotonous wardrobe!”

Jaehyun laughed at his friend’s rebuttal before lazily propping himself on the bean sack in the living room with a low hum. Oddly enough, Mark’s apartment felt more homely than his own apartment which was just above a few floors.

“But what brings you here?” Mark walks over to his fridge, judging by his friend’s sudden visit, he knew drinks had become a necessary part of the night. “And what about Hayoung?”

“What about her?” Jaehyun raised his eyebrow at Mark, skillfully catching the beer Mark had tossed to him after asking about Hayoung, Jaehyun’s, well complicated girl something.

“I though you guys might just....I don’t know, be official or something.” Mark stole a glance towards his friend, nervously opening his can. The momentary pin drop silence was an indicator, he indeed blurted something he should not have. The fizzy hiss of the beer can being opened barely broke the ice.

“I don’t do things like official,” Jaehyun scoffed, producing a low sigh after sipping the beer. Mark decided not to further press his friend, despite having an old unresolved grudge against Jaehyun somewhere deep within him. It had been years since all of that had happened, but he still felt hostility creep up inside every time he remembers that night, that week, that month. After all, it was you that Jaehyun had completely broken, torn and ripped apart.

Unbeknownst to the rummaging thoughts inside the mind of his bandmate, it took a while for the older to realize how oddly clean and organized the apartment looked. Jaehyun turned to Mark, eyebrows raised with mischievousness coating his words. “You having someone for the night tomorrow?”

Mark almost made a disgusted face but instead opted to scrunch. “Bro, I don’t have Tinder, neither do I wanna be a carrier of STDs.” Mark placed his empty can on the small glass table, simultaneously letting out a tired huff. Jaehyun almost took an offense to the statement, the attack was definitely but indirectly made towards him. But he decided to shrug it off, Mark was not lying after all. Jaehyun did not even know half of the girls’ names he had slept with, someday or another mixing up names which ends in him getting kicked out or being cursed out. That was what had happened that night as well. 

“Okay, I forgot. Hayoung, yes. Speak.” Jaehyun shot an incredulous look to the younger, as if he was able to read his mind or something. Mark only furrowed his eyebrows at the reaction.

“I-I....got kicked out,” Jaehyun’s voice was barely above a whisper, but the sharp eared male was able to catch his friend’s low murmur. Mark stifled his giggle, only to receive a glare from his friend. Jaehyun ran his fingers through his newly dyed lilac hair. Fucking embarrassing.

“But what made her do that?”

Jaehyun felt chills run down his spine as the scenario replayed in his head. He shivered despite the heater being on, an amused Mark glancing while chugging down the small remaining amount of beer. Mark was being a gentleman trying to conceal his laughter as Jaehyun rambled how he managed to fuck up yet another good hook-up buddy. At this point, Mark was not even surprised. Victim to his obvious facial expressions, Mark hated lying, and equally hated being lied to as well. Jaehyun side glanced his friend, a loud annoyed snort escaping from him. “Having fun, aren’t you?”

“Well, I mean it’s fun — sorry,” Mark clears his throat. He should be the type of friend who gives advices instead of laughing. Mark wiggled in his seat, distorting the empty can before having a perfect shot in the trashcan just a few feet away from him. Smooth one.

“I think I might retire, or just quit after the current contract ends,” Jaehyun felt tight, the words came out from him in a way too suffocating form. Mark visibly tenses, his laidback posture now crouching forward to his friend. Mark was too pre-occupied in his escalating solo career, the support he had been getting even before the official stage was way too much for him to fathom, but he was grateful for it nonetheless. A stinging guilt crept up inside him, chiding himself of being such an inconsiderate friend. “It’s high-time I start to live on my own accord.”

Mark decided to rather not pressurize the half-drunk dude with his numerous questions as to why or what has made him to take such a step. Jaehyun struggled to keep his eyes open, exhaustion was taking over his body ever faster now that he had booze in his system. Jaehyun would have rather opted to just spend the night on the couch (he preferred Mark’s limited edition long L shaped sofa over any king sized bed) but the guy decided to not get welcomed by his mate as ‘good morning.’ Mark put a hand on Jaehyun’s knee, an attempt to stop the non-stop stomping which was a very well-known drunk habit of him. Piling the blankets he just brought, the younger warned again, eyes like red lazer lights before trudging towards his bedroom. 

Feet wobbly, Jaehyun struggles to drag his build to switch off the remaining lights in the living room, glancing throughout the long empty space. He gulped down harshly, the familiar empty feeling creeping back to him which he had been avoiding for so long — for years. Jaehyun took a deep sigh, the heavy feeling feeling weighing down his chest as he took light steps towards the big glass window which granted him the view of the whole city. His eyes flickered at the luminous sight. He felt big but small, full, content but numb and empty. 

“Hyung, you’re still awake?” a sleepy voice spoke from behind, breaking out Jaehyun from his trance. 

“Huh?” It took a moment for him to process an answer. “Uh yeah. just like that. You go sleep.”

Mark shrugged, walking towards his bed as Jaehyun plopped down harshly on the duvet, wincing slightly as he felt a sprain in his lower back. With the alcohol slowly losing its effect on him with each passing second, Jaehyun started to feel more sober, more drawn back into the reality. He hated it. This feeling he was feeling.

Mark was having a rather difficult time to fall asleep. He even put on a random sleeping eye mask he uses for travelling, but alas that did not help either. He was too giddy, too excited for tomorrow. Pulling up the blankets over his head, Mark was assured he was safe from everyone, even maybe from God as a huge grin breaks out on his face. As much as he hates to admit it, Mark loved how things turned out to be the way they were.

“Oh god, this is so awkward. Oh god can I please please just die already?” Mark halted on his steps at the voice, glistening in sweats after the recent stage. He thought it would be an adventure to opt for the public washroom in disguise since the green rooms’ ones were all occupied by the rest of the members; and boy, Mark was really giving his all hold his pee.  

“OH GOD!” the sudden yelp caused the male to shriek quietly, muttering an inaudile ‘jesus’. Despite the odds, Mark decided not to test his luck, holding in the bubbling feeling just before explosion as much as he could. Muttering quiet curses, the male struggled to hold his posture as he stealthily tried to get to the other side of the stairs. Too busy in his on the way to urination voyage, Mark realized it was too late, he bumped. Bumped into someone. A girl. Hell yeah fucked. Panic crept at the back of his throat as he anticipated what was coming forth. Him being surrounded by numerous fan as he desperately tries to hold his pee. What a fucking sight.

“Look, I know you might be a staff or something,” Mark whipped his head at your voice. “But please just oh god,” you rambled, leaving the man standing with his legs crossed tightly in utter confusion. “I had no idea — Mark Lee?”

The colors from his faced drained, Mark turned casper for a split second. 

“PLEASE!” he was quick to react, half-whispering as he desperately caught your hands. “Please don’t just, uh.., shout or something.”

You immediately raised your hands in defense. “I uh have no reason to do so?” You stated, observing how he was literally squirming, it did not take you long to understand that the canadian needed to go the washroom as soon as possible. ”Oh!” You quickly moved. “Sorry for blocking your way!” Before he could even say thank you, you disappeared without any trace. Mark made a quick mental note to thank you, well that only if he ever happens to cross paths with you again. And deep down, he wised he would. On the other hand, you let out another distressed growl, promising to all of the heavens that never will you be ever accompanying your cousin sister, or let alone come to any concerts from now on. The stunt your drunken cousin had pulled just a while ago was humiliating enough, but of course, she had to spice it up by vomiting on the hallways just in front of the green room. You silently prayed and hope with all your might that maybe they will be generous enough not to sue you or ask for compensation for the mess, looking around cautiously for any employees before you sprinted off for the exit door, and yes, dragging the passed out stunt lady.

Mark felt as if he had a halo above his head, the water balloon inside him finally set free. But he had to race when he saw his phone buzzing with notifications, all of them belonging to his manager or the group chat of the members chanting same syllables ‘Where are you’ ‘show starts in 2′ ‘get yo ass here’. It did not take the rapper too while before he reached the green room, the makeup artists and stylists immediately wrapping themselves around him with brushes and hair sprays. He was smiling, genuinely smiling as he replayed the encounter he just had. Johnny raised an eyebrow with an amused grin on his face. 

“What’s with the smile, bro?” Johnny pulls up some random exercises to relieve the tension in his muscles.

Instead of dodging his question, Mark replied, still smiling, but wider. “The pee voyage was a nice one.”

Johnny judged the younger for a second before chuckling and heading towards the stage. The loud noises from the fans echoed throughout the whole arena, full of green lightsticks gleeming like blossoming spring garden. No wonder I called them grass, Mark thought. But today, he was looking for a rather specific individual, his eye scanning almost all the faces in the crowd. He hoped to see you again, smiling gleefully as he performed, but thought that it was too greedy of him to want this much in a span of a day. And so he performed, for the first time without any pressure of doing good, enjoying every moment of the stage he was on and yet again, wished that maybe, maybe your paths will collide with his again.

.

.

.

part 2

[palbabor-writes]

dude uh so like dabi but as a father... like he would never but like no one day he gets left with this kid and he's not gonna abandon it bc he cant idk i just want to see dabi as a parental unit trying not to be a bad parent

lol, ppl ask me asks and i respond with a feature freaking film worth of words.  (//▽//) warnings: adult language, angst, mild spoilers for current manga chapters: 290 - 291

words: 3915 

notes: I answered this a little differently. It’s more of a longing for what could have been, rather than a kid of his own sort of thing. But, Dabi does his best damn it. Also, yeah, yeah, it’s another Greek title. I cannot be STOPPED. but i prolly should be. Not beta edited, so all mistakes are mine, and mine alone.

Pónos 

ponos /ˈpoʊˌnɒs/ or ponus /ˈpoʊnəs/ noun  Ancient Greek: Πόνος Pónos  the personification of hardship and toil

There’s a loud clattering noise that’s echoing along the polished floors and walls of the Meta Liberation Army’s base. 

Dabi hates these long hallways. They remind him of some kinda tomb, with all that reverberation and all those gleaming surfaces. They’re perfect for elongating and stretching voices and sounds. 

So whatever the fuck that racket is, it’s not like he’s going to be able to avoid it. He’d need to turn around to do that and he’s not about to fucking turn heel and retrace his steps. Besides, it would take him twice as long to go the other way. Nah, this path is easier, despite the looming annoyance of the commotion.

 He rounds a corner and catches sight of a young woman. 

She’s struggling with something as she reaches into her shoulder bag, and her back twists awkwardly as she leans both forward and sideways. Dabi can’t get a good look at her from here. But, he reasons, he also doesn’t care enough to bother with a second, closer, glance. Nope, all he’s gotta do is slip past her and he can be on his way. 

“Reo-- Reo! Please keep still. I need to get to my phone…” The woman’s voice sounds strained and that odd pattering noise that he’s been hearing since he stepped toward this hallway hasn’t stopped either. If anything, it’s worse. Is it her quirk? Is there somebody behind her? Does she have one of those remote talking devices? Like that the ones that the Doc gave to the League before all this fucking cult bullshit started. What-

Dabi’s thoughts wander to a screeching halt as a boy bumps into his shins. He blinks at the sensation and stutters to a stop, his eyes glinting at the small form. The kid, who looks about four or five, stumbles backwards and cranes his head, looking up at this new discovery he’s run into. 

The boy studies him and, for a brief moment, Dabi worries that his face might spook the kid bad enough to send him into a sobbing and crying fit. Dabi’s not exactly the easiest thing to look at now. But, the kid seems ok with gawping at him, his violet eyes goggled and wondering. 

“Reo-” the boy’s mother repeats, replacing her phone and scanning the hallway for her rogue offspring. “I--Uh, there you are! I’m sorry...Oh, you’re one of those new generals. I’m afraid I don’t remember your name. Ooh, oh my gosh, now that you’re here, would you mind watching him for a moment? I’ve gotta run something back to Skeptic…”

That woman is saying something but Dabi’s too involved in his strange standoff with the boy. Neither he, nor the kid, seem to have the wherewithal to pull their gazes away. No, they both just watch each other, the former maintaining his aloof scowl and the latter is putting on an amazing show of raw fascination. 

“So, just don’t let him get up to too much trouble and I’ll be right back. Won’t be more than a minute.”  

Huh?

Dabi whips his head up, suddenly realizing what’s being asked of him. Like fuck he’s gonna watch this kid. Wait...where did she go?

He twists and turns, his cerulean eyes flashing up and down the sterile hallway, but there’s no sign of her. What the hell? How can someone dematerialize that quickly? He didn’t even say yes, for fucks sake. What a negligent, irresponsible parent she is, to just leave her kid like this with a complete stranger. Pfft, stranger feels a bit weak, honestly. Nah, Dabi’s a walking, talking freakshow. Nothing about him looks safe or dependable. There’s a pull on his dark pants and he automatically shakes his leg against the sensation, agitated. What now? 

Ah.

Junior is blinking up at him, those chubby hands wrinkling the rough fabric between his tiny digits. “Hi,” he beams, his pearly baby teeth straight and gleaming, “I’m Reo!”

“Yeah,” Dabi scoffs, knocking the kid’s hands away. “I heard. Where did your, er, mom go?”

“What’s your name?” Reo prattles, following Dabi as he skulks a little ways down the hallway, his brow furrowed and shoulders tense. Now what is he going to do? He could leave, tell the kid to stay put and go about his business. He doesn’t have time for this, after all.

“Hey!” Reo calls and Dabi turns at the slightly frantic note in the child’s voice, his eyes sharp. 

“Whadda’ want kid? I’m trying to find your mom.” 

“I said my name is Reo-”

“And I said I heard you. Tch, you’re so loud there’s no way half of the building didn’t hear you,” Dabi snaps, looming over the little boy, his mouth pressing into a deep frown. 

“I told you my name, so..so now you gotta tell me yours,” Reo scolds, those violet eyes shining. Dabi can see that the kid’s tiny frustration is rising at the thought of some adult being so rude as to not answer his newly engrained social niceties. 

“Hmph,” Dabi snorts, a low laugh puffing out of his lips. “The name’s Dabi.”

Reo digests that, his nose wrinkling as he mouths the unfamiliar name to himself, like he’s wanting to get it just right when he speaks it aloud. It’s kinda cute, Dabi muses. You know, in a stupid sort of way.

“D- Dadi?” Reo mimics, stumbling over that all important ‘b’ in Dabi’s name.

“What? No. It’s DABI. It’s got a ‘B’ in it. Like, uh, b as in, uh, bear. You know what a bear is, yeah?”

“A bear?” Reo asks, biting his lip at the strange change of topic. “What about a bear?”

“You got my name wrong, kid. It’s Dabi, not DaDi. My name has a ‘b’ not a ‘d.’ Try again,” Dabi groans, sinking to his haunches and praying that this kids mom will rematerialize any goddamn second. 

“Dadi,” Reo mimics, still fumbling. 

“Ugh,” Dabi sucks his teeth and begins to stand again. 

“Hey! Pick me up?” Reo requests, his arms lifting, stocky fingers clenching and unclenching into his palms, opening and closing in a repetition of a familiar demand. 

“Pick you up?” Dabi repeats, incredulous. What the fuck is wrong with today? The only thing that could make this worse is someone seeing this odd performance.

“I’m not gonna pick you up,” Dabi growls, his lips pursing at the kid. “You’re just fine where you are. Besides, don’t kids like you need to practice walking? How old are you anyway?��

“Five,” Reo chirrups, puffing his chest out, like he’s expecting a rainfall of praise to fall on him now that he’s verbally acknowledged that he is indeed, a big boy.

“That’s too bad, kid. If you’re five, you’re definitely old enough to walk under your own power,” Dabi snorts, bemused by Reo’s chipper attitude. Doesn't that get tiring? All that smiling and pacing that he’s doing? Dabi’s never had much experience with little kids, well, other than his own contact with his younger siblings, but they were never this...chatty.

“Awe,” Reo whines, his head falling, little chin bumping as it hits his collarbone dejectedly. Dabi shakes his head at the dramatic reaction. Sulking is better than crying, he reasons, turning his head to look for the boy’s mother again. She said it would only take a minute? The fuck was she?

“Hey, kid. Where were you and your mom before you came here?”

There’s a strange, static-like quiet that follows Dabi’s question. That’s weird. He would have figured that his new query would have broken the boy out in another rash of talkative excitement. So for him to be…

Wait. 

Dabi turns back and his eyes scan the newly barren hallway for the boy. The fuck? Where did he go? His gaze is still whisking frantically when he spots the heel of Reo’s shoe disappearing beyond the next corner. Fucking wonderful.

He paces after the boy, his long legs pulling him quickly along. Again, he wonders why he gives two shits. It’s not his kid, not his responsibility. Yet there’s some nagging pressure that keeps beating at the back of his mind. It’s likely some pieces of a fragmented lesson that had been taught to him long ago. Back when he wasn’t like this. Long before he’d made the decision that sent him on this mindless trajectory, lingering in the obsession of his pent up rage and hurt.  

You’re the eldest. 

Take care of your sister. 

Easy, he’s still a baby. That’s right, hold him like that. You’re such a good brother. 

You’re the one who he can go to when he needs help.

Thank you, Touya. You did so, so well! I’m sorry I had to leave for a bit, but thank you for watching him. 

It’s a big job, and one that you’ll always have, so, can you do it?

You’re their big brother. They look up to you.

Look! She’s happy to see you, Touya!

Dabi snarls at those little flashes of memory, his teeth gritting. No one needs him. Fuck, he’d be more likely to kill them than help them now. Or, at least that’s what he keeps telling himself. Drilling it in, over and over, until he can repeat that vitriol like it’s some kinda twisted prayer. He’s not that boy anymore and he can never, ever go back. He’s made sure of that. 

“Hey! Hey kid! Get back here! You little shit!” 

A loud, male voice is booming up ahead and Dabi jogs the last few steps, his head already uplifted and searching as he rounds the corner. There’s a tall, unfamiliar man in the next hallway and he’s looking away, watching as Reo sprints from him. 

“Fuck, man. Why you gotta yell at him?” Dabi scolds, his cerulean eyes glaring. The man whirls around and Dabi notes the source of his ire. There’s a large stain, bleeding against his crisp white button up and an upturned mug is clutched in a tight fist. Kid must have bumped into him and knocked his coffee out. Well, that fucking sucks, but it’s no reason to freak out at the little guy. He’s five for fuck’s sake. Not like he did it on purpose. 

“He burned me! He ran around that corner and smack into me! Control your kid, you ass! I know you’re one of those hoity toity new generals but you gotta--”

“He’s not my kid,” Dabi snaps, already shoving past the blustering idiot. If he hurries, he can snatch the boy up before he gets too much farther. 

“You sure are running after him like he is!” 

The taunt chases him as Dabi stalks away and it makes him grind his teeth again. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, he repeats, all he’s gotta do is get the kid and wait for the mom. Besides, he’s in too deep now. He can’t just abandon him. Fuck, with his luck, he’d run into the mom before he ran into Reo again.

The next hallway leads to one of the many common rooms. 

Dabi, realizing this, begins to jog again, suddenly desperate to catch Reo before he wanders into even more members of this crazy cult. Or worse, he gulps, a member of the League. He’d never live it down if the kid bumped into Compress or Shigaraki. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

As he skids along the next turn, Dabi catches sight of the kid. He’s wavering beside the double doors of the common room and he looks distinctly lost, his dark head turning every few seconds, those violet eyes of his wide. 

“Oi! Reo! Stop running,” Dabi calls, already lowering himself to a kneeling position, his long, mangled arms outstretched. He’s hoping he’s painting some kinda welcoming picture with this gesture and not just creating a terrifying pantomime of comfort.

Reo looks back and he lets out a little squeal of recognition and delight. Excited he is finally going to be picked up. His shoes tap loudly against the tiles as he dashes into Dabi’s oddly warm embrace. 

Once he’s got a good grip on the boy, Dabi rises to his feet, keeping the kid’s body securely against his. At first, Reo protests the tight hold, his back bowing and squirming, but Dabi stills him with a long, hard, stare.

“Don’t do that,” Dabi chastises, wincing against the pull on his marred skin. 

“Oh! Does it hurt?” Reo asks, carefully bringing his swinging feet to a standstill, noting the grimace of pain on Dabi’s scarred face.

“Yeah,” Dabi confirms, shifting Reo to his hip so he can free up his other arm to adjust a pinching staple. “My skin ain’t exactly healthy. Now, let’s get you back to your mom before she finds out that you fuc-- I mean...that you dashed off like that. Give people a heads up next time, huh? Making me run all over the compound after--”

“Oh! Who’s that you’re holding?”

“Gosh, he looks just like you! With that dark hair and those bright eyes of his. Is that your son?”

Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Dabi tosses a glare over his shoulder, but the two women keep walking toward him, cooing at Reo’s pleased little face. One of them reaches up and ruffles the boy's hair and Dabi instinctively takes a step back, a snarl lifting his lips over his white teeth.

“He’s not my kid,” Dabi corrects, for what feels like the umpteenth time today. It’s only the second, but twice is two times too many. 

These women are being ridiculous. They don’t look that much alike. He’s just got dark hair, that’s all. If they knew what color Dabi’s hair really was they wouldn’t even make that connection. With his true coloring, Reo would be another kid and Dabi would be some fucking freak who’s left holding him. He’s not this kid's anything, least of all his protector. 

It’s not his job to look after this half pint, nor is it his job to care about him. Even if he reminds him of some sliver of what was, what could have been. No, Dabi is just some schmuck who somehow stumbled into this absurdity. It would be easy to unwind those trusting arms and lower this kid back to the ground, he’s not sure why he’s still holding him. He should...he should put him down...He... 

For some reason, that last thought makes his heart squeeze, pressing an irregular beat against his breast. He shakes his head at the sensation, burying whatever bubble of emotion that is trying to rise back down, pressing it deep, smothering and covering until he feels normal again. 

“He’s right! I’m not. Because he’s Dadi!” Reo confirms, simultaneously standing up for his new, haphazard, caretaker and throwing him under an oncoming proverbial bus in the same breath. Goddamn it all.

“That’s so sweet! Your son is beyond adorable!”

“He’s not…” Dabi begins, but bites his tongue. What good is it doing him anyway? These flunkies of the Meta Liberation are just fawning over Reo anyway. He’s honestly stunned they’re still talking to him at all. 

As they’re tickling and petting at the boy, a sudden thought springs into his mind. Actually, this might not be too bad. If he can get one of them to take the kid, he can fucking slink away, his responsibility finished, job done. 

“Oi, one of you can take him. He’s waiting for his mom. She said something about meeting with that Skeptic dic-- guy.”

“You want us to watch your son?” One of the girl’s questions, her head tilting at his demand. “Wouldn’t you rather wait for her yourself? You don’t know us and, well, not that we’d do anything bad...but that feels strange. Besides, you’re doing a great job! Look how happy he is. The two of you are so cute!”

Amazing. 

Apparently, Dabi, despite his hardened and rough persona, one that he has cultivated and built up for years, mind you, could now add, “cute,” to that resume of terror that he is building. 

Sighing, Dabi tries a more direct approach. “You seem to like him a lot, so just keep an eye on him until his mom comes back. It’s not hard. He likes being held, so just, er, hold him.”

Reo, sensing that he’s about to be deposited out of Dabi’s warm grasp, begins to wiggle again, his hands clinging to Dabi’s skin. He’s trying to be gentle, remembering Dabi’s earlier warning, his small digits tapping rather than digging, but he’s still scrabbling against the pull.

The woman clicks her tongue and smiles, tucking some of her long hair behind her ear. “Your son is so precious! He must really love you. Look, Han, isn’t this kid is the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen!” Her friend chuckles and agrees and the cheerful sound makes Dabi seethe. 

“Like I told you, he ain’t my kid. Now knock the wax outta your ears and take him,” Dabi snarls, still pushing Reo outward, hoping beyond hope that this calamity will just fucking end. 

“Dadi,” Reo pouts, his nose wrinkling as he burrows his face into Dabi’s arm, his skin hot against Dabi’s purple flesh.

“If he’s not your kid,” the woman named Han says, propping a fist on her hip, “why does he keep calling you daddy?”

“He’s not calling me that,” Dabi grumbles, his eyes lingering on Reo’s distressed slump. “The kid can’t say my name, which is Dabi. For some fucking reason the “b” is alluding him.”

“Fucking?” Reo questions, his brilliant purple eyes lifting, searching Dabi’s deep blue gaze. When he doesn’t get an answer, he repeats the word, lingering on those harsh syllables a little longer than he needs to. God, Dabi thinks, pulling Reo back to him, trying to muffle the boys bewildered tests of his new word. This is beyond ridiculous.

“Uh-oh,” another, male, voice resounds. Dabi scowls at the newcomer, watching as he steps beside the women, his eyes widened in mock concern. “That your kiddo?” He asks, his brow arching at Dabi’s now openly hostile form. 

“Fuc-- Again? I gotta answer this again?” Dabi snaps, shifting Reo back to his hip, just above his belt. “No. No, he is not mine.”

“Sure about that?” the man quizzes. “He’s sure got your hair and, uh, your vulgarity down.” 

“He’s that woman’s...Look, his mother went to go see that Skeptic bastard. So, you wanna help me out here? Any of you idiots want to do something useful? Hmm? Go into that big meeting room, the one past the common area and get her. I bet that’s where she went. When you see her...tell her, her kid is going wild. Stop...stop looking at me like that or I’ll torch you where you fuc-- where you stand.”

Instead of being cowed by his threat, the Meta Liberation Assholes just laugh, the three of them leaning against each other as they heave with their amusement. And Reo? Well, he’s seemingly amused by all the ruckus, giggling and murmuring little nothings into Dabi’s skin, nuzzling into Dabi’s inhuman warmth. Dabi feels that strange tugging at his heart again and in his anger and distant horror, he spews more rage onto the trash that’s daring to chortle so openly in front of him.

“Goddamn it, I’ll make each of you pay for this you...you stupid--”

“Dabi?”

Can a hole open up under him? That would be absolutely perfect and he’d be so, so grateful. He cranes his neck and catches sight of the last person he wanted to see. Fucking, Twice. His costume is making those white eyes of his comically wide and his hands lift to clap at his face, always dramatic and overblown to the last.

“Who is that sweet little boy? The hell are you doing with that child?!?”

“He’s--”

“It’s his son!” The ‘Han’ woman calls, still clutching her sides, her eyes wet from her mirth.

“No,” Dabi groans, his head dropping lamely. He wants nothing more than to fry each and everyone of these fucking pieces of shit. The desire is so strong he can feel the creeping of heat that’s rising in his palms and tickling up his piercings, scalding his skin against the metal. No, he scolds himself, he can’t do that. Not with Reo in his arms. He’s gotta be careful. He can’t hurt the kid. It’s not his fucking fault he’s been trapped in the care of a monster like him. 

Dabi gasps at his sudden, protective instincts. The fuck? This kid is nothing to him. Nothing. He doesn’t remind him of anyone. No, he’s nothing like his little brothers, all questions and sweet, brief hugs. He’s not...he’s not…

Reo’s hum of agitation breaks Dabi from his swirling emotions. The boy tries to lift his legs away from Dabi’s hips, his arms wrapping around Dabi’s neck, suddenly unsure and starting to whimper. 

“It’s too hot,” he complains, his voice small and soft in Dabi’s ear.

“I know,” Dabi concedes, taking another deep breath, trying to still that rushing rage that is lingering in the back of his mind. “Sorry kid, it should stop in a minute.”

“Ok,” Reo nods, his black hair mingling with Dabi’s spiky tendrils. 

Twice has stepped forward and he’s standing beside Dabi, his head cocked, looking from the shivering boy to Dabi’s haggard expression. “He does look a lot like you,” Twice ponders, his fingers tracing his chin meditatively. There’s something about Twice that Reo is bothered by and his face falls into the hollow of Dabi’s neck and shoulder, straining his body against Dabi, away from the black and red suited man that’s beside Dabi’s elbow.  

“Fuc-- Piss off, Twice,” Dabi growls, his blue eyes narrowing and hardening as he pats comfortingly at Reo’s back, twisting from Twice’s curious stare. “You’re freaking the kid out. Hey! Hey, don’t you assholes have some bootlicking to do?” Dabi snaps, his eyes lifting to the gaggle of MLA members, who are still giggling and whispering across from him. And, just as those words leave his lips, Reo’s mother, finally, finally returns. 

“Oh thank you!” She coos, raising her arms to Reo and peeling him away from Dabi. To Dabi’s shock, Reo still shakes his head, his arms retightening around Dabi’s tense neck.

“Oooh, he’s taken a liking to you I see!” 

“You gotta let me go, kid,” Dabi whispers into Reo’s ear, unlacing his little arms. Reo whines and pouts as Dabi presses him back to his mother, a sigh of relief shuddering from his mismatched lips. Thank fucking God. Now he can have this woman tell all of those shits that he’s not this boy’s father...wait...what the fuck? Oh...oh, now they all leave.

The MLA lackeys are drifting away, walking in a tight bunch as they re-enter the common area, soft grins still lingering on Dabi. And Twice? Twice is snickering openly and making his way down an adjacent hallway, no doubt off to tell Toga what he’s seen.

“Thanks again. Looks like you did a great job,” Reo’s mother repeats, shifting her son to a better position, trying to quiet his frantic scrabbling, his small arms still reaching, struggling for Dabi.

“Dadi!” Reo cries, a few tears falling from his soft face as he’s walked away. In another heartbeat, they’re both gone and all Dabi has left of that strange little kid is the lingering sting and warmth of his embrace on his burned skin.

Notes: Dabi is a grump. Or is he? o(TヘTo)

Tags: @spicy-skull, @xwildskullx, @evesmores

[adam-memeleri]

Dial Tone

so i finally finished weh recently and i am ✨not okay✨

BUT i couldn’t stop thinking about this ficlet and i actually really like it, so here’s some angst for this fine day (and some slight alterations to canon but whatever) excuse the poor formatting i don’t really know how to go about it for this type of thing

M Rating (mentions of death and grief, so just to be safe)

Dakota x MC (both unspecified or something idk)

~1.5k words

-

“Hey. Hi. It’s, um, it’s me.” Her voice rings soft through the phone, hesitant as she sits curled up on her bedroom floor.

“I, uh, I know you’ll never hear this but I’ve just gotta get some things... off my chest, or whatever. Just some things I’ve been wanting to tell you but, you know, can’t.

“I miss you. Like a lot. Which is probably pretty obvious, but still. Like I - I can’t stop thinking about you. You pop up wherever I go, everything just reminds me of you.

“No matter what, I just see everything you’d love or joke about or try to make the best of. Which I could use some of these days.

“And I know you’d probably tell me to move on or keep smiling or whatever, but I miss you. I already said that,” she laughs meekly. “But it’s true. I miss you, and your laugh, and your jokes, and your smile, and the way you’d just make everything feel lighter.

“Now everything’s too heavy. I keep waiting for you to text me, with a meme or a random heart or something, but there’s just... nothing.

“And then I realize you’ll never send me a heart out of nowhere just to remind me you love me again, and it feels like there’s a brick on my chest.

“So that’s why I’m calling,” she sighs heavily, the size of it sinking her shoulders. “I don’t know why, but I kept hoping I’d hear your voice as the line was ringing. You have such a nice voice, did I ever tell you that? I hope so, you deserved to hear it. My favorite part of the day used to be when I’d hear you say hi.” She laughs again, stronger now, “And my least favorite was when you said goodbye.

“I never liked goodbyes, and now they’re even worse. Every goodbye feels so massive now, you know? Like - like what if this is the last goodbye? What if one word is the last I get of someone?

“Sorry, you don’t want to hear about that. What’s something to tell you about?

“Oh, I’m going to school, just like you encouraged. I leave pretty soon, I’ve been putting it off as long as I can. Amy left for her classes already, but she calls me everyday.

“She’s just the best, always there. Even when it’s three in the morning and I need a distraction from...” she clears her throat, “yeah.

“And her and Heather are still together. They’re doing so well, I’m so happy for them. They deserve it, really. But sometimes... sometimes I put my phone on mute when she’s texting me about her and ignore it for the rest of the day. I always feel bad, but it’s just too much.

“Um, I go to the park everyday,” she abruptly switches topics, “and just hang out. Sometimes the dog park, I’ve loved that place since we first met. All the dogs are so cute and fuzzy.

“Mom says it’s good to get out, clear my head. And the flowers are pretty, so I’m not really complaining. I still go to the hospital sometimes, too. Peds is missing you, but the kids are doing well. Hope Springs is helping a lot of people too, sometimes Mrs. Batra invites me to get lunch in the cafeteria.”

Her voice tapers off for a moment. “Something else, something else,” she mumbles beneath her breath.

“Did I ever tell you what I first thought of you? I thought you were kinda annoying,” she giggles brightly, a smile alighting her features. “‘Too insistent,’ I think is what I told Amy.

“You just seemed so sure of yourself, I didn’t understand how anyone could be that confident and not be suspicious. You just knew what you wanted, and it was so obvious you would get it. I - I truly admire that now. I love that about you. To be fair, I love everything about you, but still.

“And then when you asked me to be your girlfriend, I was so surprised. When you asked me out that first time, too. Even when you said you loved me, I just... Dakota Winchester wanted me to be their girlfriend. It seemed impossible. Still does, honestly,” she turns breathless, lost in memories for a minute. “But here we are. Er... here I am.

“Um, Mateo and Lennox are doing well. They’re sweet. They keep trying to help and be there for me, but there’s not much they can do but keep themselves afloat.

“Mateo’s been sending me a random selfie every day to try and make me laugh. Today’s was him running from a store clerk with a broom. He says he’s innocent, but I don’t think I believe him.

“And Lennox... I don’t think she really knows what to do with me. She’s taken us all boxing a few times, but outside of that... She doesn’t talk much, or text unless Mateo invites her to something, but she never really talked much, I suppose.

“She, um, she bought me something. She gave it to me the day after graduation. I made a speech at graduation, actually. About you. Amy cleared it with the principal. I had butterflies the whole time,” she giggles. “If I wasn’t talking about you I probably would have run.

“But it’s a, uh, keychain,” she switches back. “It’s one of those name ones, with - with, uh... Dako-“ her voice breaks before she sucks in a deep breath. “It says Dakota. She said she thought I was lame enough to like it.” There’s a watery laugh, tears now openly streaming down her face.

“I mean, she was right. I -“ her voice cracks again, “I love it. I always carry it now, and take it out when I get stressed, or when I need to remember you.

“My mom keeps telling me I should stop remembering, ‘cause all it does is make me cry, but I’m-“ a choked sob escapes her “-I’m just so afraid of forgetting you. I can’t forget you, ever.

“I probably sound like I mess, but you’re not even listening are you, so what does it matter?” her tone darkens as she swipes beneath her eyes, harshly wiping away the tears.

“You’re not listening now, or ever again, and you’re the only one that would listen if you were here and I know you said that - that - that you are, but how am I supposed to believe that?! It’s been months and nothing’s changed and - and everyone always just stares at me when I say that, like - like-“ she cuts off.

“And - and Mateo -!” She halts, catching her breath before her voice returns, calmer, softer. “And Mateo keeps telling me that you are listening, that you wouldn’t say that unless it was true. That you’ll always be here for me, and... and I haven’t been able to decide if that’s as good as either of you made it sound. If I’m okay with you seeing me like this.

“I just know you’d hate it. You’d hate it so much, because you always hated when I was upset. I know you’d try and make me feel better and you’d have so many jokes, and then you’d put on a horror movie and get ice cream and - and -“ she stops herself for a long while, taking deep breaths to calm down and prevent sobs from fully taking over.

“I haven’t watched a horror movie since,” she finally speaks up again. “Amy invited me to the movies before she left, but I turned her down. Yours was so much better than all of them anyway, and not just ‘cause I was the star. You put so much love into it, I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve never seen anything like you, either.

“I wish you got the chance to make so many more movies. They would have been beautiful. Scary, but beautiful.

“Everything you do is beautiful. I miss that. The beauty every day. I miss you. I know I keep saying that but... I don’t know, I can’t stop... thinking about it, all of it.”

The keychain rattles as she pulls it from her pocket, the pad of her thumb tracing over the lettering. “Dakota,” she whispers, reverently. “I looked your name up a while ago. Means ‘friend.’ I couldn’t think of anything more fitting. My Dakota, the friend to everyone.”

She sniffles, the keychain clinking again. “I, um, I should go. Lennox is taking me to meet Mateo at the diner. We get milkshakes every Saturday and I don’t want to be late. I love you. So much. And I miss you so much, too and - and bye. For now, okay? Just for now.”

The phone hangs up, and she prays it can be heard. That they were right, and Dakota really was listening. Prays that the dial tone rings on an open line.

[kiefbowl]

ew why tf are you dating a scrote

okay this is clearly a troll, but I’ll answer anyway since this seems to be a topic of interest to people lately. I wrote a lot and talked about sexual assault, so go ahead and skip it if that’s not your jam. disclaimer: I don’t have a problem or think there’s anything wrong with people who don’t want to follow me bc of the bf. that’s legitimate! please do what suits you. I think some of my responses have been perceived as snarky in the past but I only try to be snarky when I suspect a troll, I really don’t have a problem with people unfollowing me b/c of the bf or even telling me about it.

I worked with Malcolm for about a year and a half before we go together, but we got together for the first time 5 months after I had a brief but intense love affair with a meth addict that ended in big traumatic ways after he started using heavily again, which eventually cultivated in him raping me (not that it was the only sexual violence I experienced with him but that time was particularly horrific because I was heartbroken and he was high on meth). he was also a man, and the reason I started dating him isn’t so clear to me except that I was looking for a way to live recklessly and self harm. There’s a longer story there but the details can’t be told concisely and it’s no one’s business. In any case, everything that happened with him is not worth recounting, but it was long and complicated and continued even after the rape. To give some context about how bad it was, I also had worked with the meth addict (I’m not using his name on purpose), and part way through our relationship he got a new job. a couple weeks after the rape, he lost that job and got his old job back. yeah, imagine being dumped by a meth addict and the being raped by him and then he starts working with you when you know he is using now. not fun, pretty sad to think about.

I was in a very traumatized state for months. It’s hard to describe what it’s like, except you don’t feel like you’re living. You can feel very foreign to your own life. I felt like something inside of me was constantly pressing against me to get out, and if it did it would be me screaming. Like, my skin had become a suit to mask the babbling lunatic underneath. I would have random outbursts where I would wince in pain and people would ask what was up and it was just that the emotional pain was felt so sharply it became physical, but I felt like I couldn’t be honest with people. I did go to therapy, it felt like life and death. right around the time before Malcolm and I together, so a few months into therapy, my therapist gave me permission to feel okay seeking out love, sex, and relationships, because I was feeling very guilty that I might be using someone if I did. In any case, Malcolm showed up to my bday party, and was one of the last to leave, and I just was ready for the next thing after the meth addict bf. Every day I didn’t have sex, the last person I had sex with was him. I wanted to be normal again. I was feeling a little better, less freakish, but still so sad. So I said, okay Malcolm, come home with me and he did. It didn’t seem so bad to take Malcolm home with me because I wasn’t very interested in him long term, so it seemed like low stakes to end up hurting him. Low investment. Yadda yadda.

Malcolm was also convenient, he lived walking distance. he was nice, friendly, easy to hang out with. our emotional intimacy was very low, it was low low low low maintenance dating. Malcolm felt very safe, he was the polar opposite of the other bf. we had a casual, boring, unintimidating fling for a few months that sputtered out. if the other bf was like riding a roller coaster that was condemned, Malcolm was like taking a nap on the bus back home after a long exhausting day at the amusement park. I know, it’s not very sexy. But it was nice to feel like a human again, have proof I could be normal, proof I could do unsexy things like watch tv and go to brunch and it didn’t feel like I was a freak for trying after months of feeling like I had a neon sign over my head that said “idiot adult woman dated meth addict like it wasn’t going to end up fucking her over HA HA.” I was ready to go out with my new sense of normalcy and have fun with people I might be, er, to be blunt, more interested in.

BUT the most amazing thing was we stayed friends after the break up, which I had never had before. and even though the first few months of dating helped me feel normal again in a way, it turns out being raped by your meth addict ex leaves deep, painful welts. who could guess. Seeking out other relationships from scratch ended up being exhausting. When do I bring up that I’m not even a year from a meth addict raping me? Date two? I tried with other people, and it wasn’t working. I dropped dating, and focused on friends and work instead. But I missed him some days, and as things around me were starting to feel like they were crumbling again, he was there and around. He came over, smoked weed, taught me MTG, let me make him dinner, took me out to bars, listened to me cry, had gentle sex. Soon we were seeing and talking to each other every day. We spent enough time together that it became clear we were dating again, and this time around it was more enjoyable and more intimate. It felt easier to invest in our relationship the second time around because he already knew the baggage. We started dating and eventually, out of the sake of convenience, moved in together. 

But if it makes you feel any better, anon who is probably not reading this, the state of my relationship is not great atm. It feels like we’re very good friends that share a bed. I always had doubts about this relationship from the beginning, I was never really crazy about Malcolm and was tentative about being exclusive. I rationalized the relationship with thoughts like “you don’t know until you try” and “maybe this love is different love, and it doesn’t feel like previous love because I still need to learn more about love.” I don’t think that’s quite it anymore. But, we live together in an unpredicted pandemic, so I sort of made my bed. Plus, it’s hard to decide to break up with someone who isn’t bad just maybe not good enough. Maybe it’s my fault? some days I wake up and think, “oh well am I really giving him 100%? if I tried harder maybe it would be better.” Maybe it’ll get better? What’s life post pandemic and when is it coming, I can’t know. I’ve been depressed, will I get better? Will it change things? I also adore his parents, they’ve been amazing to me, they inspire me. they’ve opened their hearts to me. losing them weighs heavy. I love Malcom very much, he’s been a good friend and we’ve built a nice little life together that has a lot of parts working. How do you decide what day to hurt someone you love? Idk...I guess I entered this relationship to learn.

The Meth Addict has loomed large in our relationship and casts a long shadow. I’ve talked about it with Malcolm but I’m not sure he fully understands it. almost 3 years since my birthday we hooked up. That’s a long time. It’s as long as the relationship I had with my first love. I can’t predict the full story Malcolm and I will have, but I can see a potential break up looming closer. I struggle with it every day. Some nights, like tonight, it’s seems pretty clear cut. If I think this way now it pretty much proves I want to break up, right? But tomorrow morning he’ll make me tea and we’ll talk about our weekend plans and I’ll think “oh this is so nice, what was I even thinking about last night? I’m getting in my own head.” So I don’t know! I think about women a lot. I think about how I talk frankly about my bisexuality on tumblr and yet my experiences with men outnumber that with women. I feel like I’m cheating sometimes, like I’ve lead you guys to believe something that’s not real even though I’m not lying. I think about how I never want to cheat on Malcolm but I get crushes and I want to sleep with women and I wonder if I should be a mom and I think about his parents and it gets confusing. I feel guilty about thinking about our convenience because that’s cheating him and cheating me, but sometimes I wake up happy and much happier than I’ve been in 10 years.

So I guess the reason I’m dating a scrote is because I’m complicated and have a bit of a messy life, and I live day to day, and we make micro choices that lead to macro choices and then we make macro choices that lead to micro choices, and I haven’t pulled the trigger on breaking up with him yet. He was part of the healing journey because, well, he was here. In my real life. It turns out the women we follow on tumblr are very very human with lives far more complex that can be summed up in a few posts on tumblr. Maybe ask me in 50 years why I dated Malcolm, I’ll probably have a better idea why. 

[missnxthingg]

Hi!! Idk if you’re still taking requests but I was hoping if you can make an angsty one with Tom? Maybe the reader finding out that he’s been going out with someone else but instead of her lashing out, she keeps it to herself. Until one day, she just breaks down and says she she knows? Maybe she’ll give like her promise ring or necklace to Tom? It’s so specific but it’s been in head for awhile. Thank you!!

A/N: And here it is! Thank you for sending me that message to help me understand your request and I loved writting this. I feel like this is the first one who does not have a happy ending, but I like it. Hope you like it too.

Words: 2.5K

Warnings: Cheating, mentions of sex, angst.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

masterlist | main blog | gif source | quarantine playlist | title’s song

DANCE LITTLE LIAR

Over your life you had many examples that love wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. People cheat, people lie, and they eventually grow apart. Your first example was when you and your mother caught your father in bed with another woman after a day out shopping together. You were only five, your sister was eleven, and you watched your whole family fall apart in front of your eyes. The second example came when you were twelve, and your sister was eighteen. She had an awesome boyfriend, the kind of one that everybody loved and that was really nice, but no one really knew that he lied about many things in his life, and ended up trading your sister for another girl before he went to college.

So you never really believed love would happen to you, because it never truly worked for anyone in your family. Why would it work for you? And for a long time you believed that, and you grew up knowing you’d never have a boyfriend that loved you and that you’d be together forever. But you met Tom in High School when your mom decided to register you into a new school so you could pursue your life long dream to be an actress and act in plays. The BRIT School had many talented and nice people, but he was the nicest one in your class.

Tom was the sweet boy that everyone loved to be around. He was cute and funny, and always made people smile somehow. You quickly became friends, because you had so much in common, and one of those things were that you were both playing in a local theater. That made you closer than ever, because you’d see each other a lot. That made both of you develop feelings for each other, but it took many years until they finally got together. He knew it was a big deal for you, and probably that’s why he took his time to finally kiss you for once.

“I wanted to do something.” He said that one day he got you out to have some ice cream and just hang out.

“What is it?” You asked, with a grin on your face. He smiled brightly to you and leaned in, giving you a small peck on your lips. You cupped his cheek and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss for once.

“I wanted to do that for so long.” He said between kisses.

“I’m glad you did Tom.” You smiled to him and caressed his face, completely lost in his eyes.

“I wanna give you something.” He looked down to his hand, where he was holding a black velvet box. “I know it’s early to give you something like this, but this means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me, and I just wanted you to have a piece of me so you’d know I’ll be forever by your side.”

He opened the box, revealing a beautiful ring with a small butterfly set with little diamonds. It was simple, small, but so beautiful. It made you tear up and kiss him so intensely. The ring was the most beautiful thing you’d ever gotten and you didn’t even know how to accept it.

“I loved it so much, it’s beautiful.” He put it on your right hand, and kissed it right after.

“It’s a promise ring, and it means that as long as you wear this, I’ll be yours.” You caressed his face and kissed him again.

“Thank you, you’re amazing.”

You’ve been together ever since that day. You were so young, and even though you thought you’d never find love in your life, Tom made you feel like maybe with you it would be different. You both got what you always wanted, respect roles, him in movies, you in theaters, and life wouldn’t be better for the both of you. Now you were both living in New York for a while. He was doing a big movie and you finally got to Broadway, where you always wanted to be. You couldn’t be happier, until everything started to fall apart.

Tom usually picked you up in work after you were done with the play. Normally, he’s never late for anything, but for some reason he was always late to get you in work. You first started to notice something was wrong when he got there late wearing his shirt inside out. He was acting weird, but you let it go, not shifting the way you  acted with him because you refused to believe something was wrong.

“Maybe he just had a bad day, that’s all.” Jessica said to you the next day when you were both getting ready for the play. She was working with you on the play, and you were best friends on and off screen. “And the shirt… Well, maybe he just didn’t see it was inside out when he got it back on after the shooting day.”

“Yeah, maybe your right.” You finished you makeup with mascara and looked back to her, that was applying her character’s signature color, deep red. “It’s just… I have some issues with this kind of stuff. My parents are separated and my dad cheated, so it was slightly traumatic.”

“I know babe, but I know that Tom loves you with his whole heart. So you shouldn’t have any doubts about him, because you two are end game.”

But that night you got stood up for one and a half hour, and even had to get your own dinner on a hotdog food truck, and ate it on the cold sidewalk, waiting for him. You were almost giving up and getting yourself a taxi when he pulled over with his car and honked to get your attention.

“I’m so sorry baby. It took too long for everyone to finish the scenes today, and New York’s traffic is horrible.”

Liar. You weren’t stupid, and you could smell a sweet perfume all over his car, and it definitely wasn’t yours, because you hated sweet perfume and it made you want to throw up. His hair was messy, and it wasn’t a common thing, because he always got out of the studio with a great hair because of all the makeup they did to him.

“Uhm, it’s okay. Just go home, I’m tired.”

“Don’t you even want to stop somewhere and have dinner? We could go to that mexican restaurant you love so much.”

“I’m not actually in the mood, busy day. And I ate a hotdog from a food truck. I just want to sleep.”

“Okay, we can cuddle and watch a movie, what do you think?” He smiled to you and even though you were upset, he knew how to make you fall in love with him again.

“That would be nice.”

You decided not to say anything about you knowing, just to see where it would drive you. Maybe he’d eventually stop, and maybe it was only a one time thing and he’d just be over with it soon. But it happened at least three nights every week, and it was starting to piss you off. It was starting to be noticed during sex as well, when he would get so into it like before. It had been weeks since you last had a proper orgasm, and you’d do most of the work everytime. Of course you didn’t want to talk about it, so you’d just get it all over and go to sleep.

But you had great nights together. One day you even went out do dance, and some other one you stayed home and ordered food, drank some wine and sang to a lot of songs together, facetiming people from back home together. You’d still have a lot of fun, but somehow you couldn’t shake it off your head. His lips didn’t taste the same, and you weren’t in sync as before. And even though that night was a lot of fun, during a moment he was in the bathroom and you were talking to his brother Harry on his phone, he got a text and you could clearly see it wasn’t meant for you to see.

Lily: “I can’t wait to see you baby!“

Lucky for you, you were a great actress and you managed to not let him know that you saw it, pretending to be totally clueless, until it eventually it started to piss you off. It was the third time that week he was late to pick you up and you ended up getting drunk with Jessica after your play and letting everything go to her. Her best friend listened to her tell about everything she found out, and got mad at her because she was pretending to not know anything.

“You should tell him you know!”

“I can’t tell him Jess. First of all, I shouldn’t be getting into his stuff.”

“Yes, you should.” She got up and pointed to you with her glass in hands. “Specially when it directly affects your relationship. He’s cheating, and getting away with it!”

“I know! But I don’t know how to do it! If I act like a crazy bitch it won’t be right, but I can’t keep being cool about it.” You leaned back into your seat and finished the last glass of wine.

“You better think about it quickly babes.” Your phone started to ring, and Tom’s name appeared on the screen.

“He’s here. I gotta go.”  You kissed her cheek and gathered all your things.

“Finish him (Y/N)!” She shouted, watching you leaving quickly.

But you didn’t have the courage to do it. He arrived there feeling a little sick, and it made your heart crumble. You wanted to take care of him, and that’s what you did when you got home. He stood you up and there you were making soup to make him feel better. God, you were stupid!

One day it was your four year anniversary and you decided to do a little something for you two since you didn’t have to work that night. Your prepared a nice dinner, and organized the whole apartment with aromatic candles, flowers and good wine. You even dressed up nicely with a pretty lingerie for him. Maybe that night would be the turning point to your relationship and it would be okay for once. But eventually it got late, and you were almost giving up on waiting for him, starving and bored, and obviously upset. It was your anniversary, and he was with the other girl. You fought your urge to cry because you were better than that, and waited for him. You ate the food alone, and poured yourself some wine to watch some comedy movie on TV while waiting for him. Every time half an hour passed, you rolled your eyes and your blood boiled in anger, but you needed to be strong.

He arrived when it was almost 11 PM and you was already considering going to bed, leaving everything you planned behind. He found you lying on the couch with a blanket over you. The candles were already out, and the food was cold in the oven, and your heart was shattered, but it had been for a long time. He removed his shoes and lied over her, giving her a lot of kisses on her cheek and on the top of her head. The smell was there, it wasn’t his cologne, it was the sweet perfume again. The smell made you sick, and it wasn’t because it was too sweet.

“Hey darling, I’m sorry I’m late.” You gave him a forced smiled and nodded, turning your attention back to the movie. He cuddled into you, giving some more kisses on your face and neck. “What’s up with all the candles?” He looked around while sitting straight and you shrugged, fixing your position.

“They just smell nice. And are cheap.”

“Uhm.” He nodded and walked to the kitchen to find something to eat. “Baby, you made lasagna?”

“Yeah, I felt like eating it today.”

“You know that’s my favourite.” He smiled to her and turned the heat on to make it warm again. 

“I know.” She was keeping it short and low, making it clear that she wasn’t okay.

“Okay, what’s wrong with you?” He asked, making his way back to the living room.

“Do you know what day it is?” You asked and he thought a little about it.

“April 18th.” He said and you arched your eyebrows. “Why?”

“Nothing special to relate with this date?” You asked, pouring some more wine in your glass.

“Our anniversary.” He said and you nodded, finishing the wine quickly. “I’m so sorry, I forgot.”

“I’m sure you have a good excuse to why you’re late.”

“It’s just…”

“Traffic was horrible, it took too long to finish the shooting today.” You cut him, not raising your voice not even for a second. He sighed and sat down. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

“How long have you known?” He asked and you sighed, feeling your heart crashing slowly.

“Two months, at least.” He nodded and pressed his lips together. Tom couldn’t even look at you in the eyes. “I bet Lily is pretty.”

“She’s not prettier than you.” He said and you laughed sarcastically.

“You’re funny, you know. That’s just something straight out of a comedy movie.” You were pissed of course. “I don’t know why did you do it, and I don’t know why I held it for so long, but I can’t take it anymore.”

“Baby, I’m sorry…”

“You say you’re sorry too much Tom. But it’s okay, love never works anyway, and I’ve known it since I was little. It was eventually going to happen to us too.”

“I don’t know why I did it (Y/N), I’m so sorry.”

“It’s because you never really loved me Tom.” You got up and gathered some of your things such as phone and purse.

“That’s not true. I’ve never loved someone so much before. I really truly love you baby, and I’m deeply sorry for everything I made you go through. I’ll never see her again, and I promised I’ll do anything to make us okay again.”

“You were with her Tom, on our anniversary. I don’t think I believe in such thing anymore.” You finished gathering your things. “How long thisbeen going on?”

“Three months.” He said, keeping his voice low, and you nodded, putting your bag over your shoulder.

“I’ll sleep at Jessica’s tonight. And I’ll be back tomorrow to get my things. And please, don’t bother on trying to win me back, because that’s not happening.”

“Baby, please don’t go.” Tom rushed to her with tears in his eyes and held her arm, but she shook her head and glanced down to her hand. She removed the butterfly ring from her hand and stood it up to him.

“I think I won’t need this anymore.” She let her first tear fall since she found out about him, and he was already lost between his own.

“Please, don’t… Baby. We were meant to be together forever. I was so stupid, oh God. I’m sorry, please stay! We’ll make it work. Please don’t leave me. Don’t give this back to me.” He said and you cleaned your own tear, shooking your head no.

“Goodbye Tom.”

…………………

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[onf-headcanons]

ONF MEMBERS AS YOUR SIBLING (MK & U version)

n 

OMG I AM VERY VERY LOOKING FORWARD TO WRITE THIS PART!!!!!

Either you are related from Yuto or Minkyun side and either one of them later joined the family. Confusing? OK example you are Yuto’s sibling by blood and then later Minkyun joined. Or in reversed, Yuto joined later.

1. You are the youngest sibling (could be in terms age when the family comes together or you being born later OR stand in of Yuto’s youngest sister)

2. You are the middle sibling, being either Yuto’s elder blood sibling or Minkyun’s younger sibling but is older than Yuto.

3. Or you are the eldest (Good luck if you do lol there will be a lot of face palming), and alot of  “Yuto, I thought you are on my side????”

Any scenario that is suitable to your own imagination. Also there will be some repeated ideas from first universe because i would like to keep characterization consistency.

Btw this pair of sibling would be one of the noisiest.

My recommendation, you are the middle sibling. But you can totally imagine that your are younger ones. I will try to elaborate both, I hope i won’t confuse you guys🙈

Also age recommendations, Minkyun born in 1995 while Yuto is 1999, so if you are the middle sibling, your birth year is at between.  I would prefer as 1997 or 1998. Preferable that 1997 born if you are Yuto’s sibling, while 1998 born if you are Minkyun’s. 

 If you are the youngest, either you are same age as Yuto but later birthdate or the 3rd child that born after your parents marriage, in this case, 2 years younger than Yuto and 6 years younger than Minkyun.

Heads up I mentioned in the Hyojin & E-tion household, 3 households in this universe are very close to each other.So, apologies in advance and by all means there is not explicit favoritism (I did wrote about household interacting for previous universes). It just convenient and i felt we can use it this way.  Also, Minseok is Yuto’s classmate.

General headcanons

Yuto family moved to Korea when he is still a toddler. So he speaks Korean outside and Japanese back home. Because his family speaks in Kansai dialect, Yuto picks up that dialect automatically

Of course it could be Yuto’s family moved to Korea when he is at middle school age as well, it can be flexible.

Minkyun struggling to learn Japanese but then give up. But it never stops him to randomly drops in weird Japanese when he is hyper, and then leaving Yuto （and you）facepalming because Minkyun used it wrongly

Actually even though mature but super sensitive brothers. Well in very different ways. But should you live with them long enough, you pick up that intuitively 

I dont think this family will have alot of fight because both are sensitive in nature and deeply scare to hurt each other. So this family is all about giving out mental security to family members as well.

(its very different from MInseok Yuto household, because them 2 are in same age, so there is less factor to consider, while Yuto would have to put in Minkyun being a hyung when he started to get used to Minkyun’s existence. And Minkyun will sometimes, not in a bad way, being to passionately and freeminded hoping the younger one to open up more)

I mean, Yuto is defo the tsundere one while Minkyun radiates big puppy energy for this pair chemistry.

Loud

Bonus, Yuto never knew Minkyun can be that clingy lol XD

Minkyun never knew Yuto can be such a fan towards his weird antics XD He thought Yuto wont get his joke due to cultural differences, but turns out Yuto loves it (well cause mostly is body gag/ mom gaegu, like you see what Minkyun did during his birthday’s mini game heaven in 2020, that suddenly motor engine starting? Ya that is total epic lol )

Its super harmonious? like this family combi does not shy away on expressing hey i need help and family members super volunteer to help out if needed. (not that i mean other family does not help out each other, but this one is particularly doing it with super high tendency)

Due to Japanese background, Yuto might try to settle things on his own, but Minkyun will break that mindset stereotype and helps him out (like why you think it is a hassle for me? Ask for help if needed that is what family is here for.)

Minkyun playing guitar while singing and that is how your family know if he is at home or not.

Yeap in this universe Minkyun is a songwriter while Yuto is a dance coach and dancer (later when they all grow up, BTW i am thinking that Yuto and Minseok runs a dance academy later on.)

Minkyun is also part time sponsor/volunteer at pet shelter. In the end you and Yuto also are familiar faces at the spot. 

Also, hanging out being little part timers at Baskin Robbins lol

OH IF WANNA TRULY LINK EVERYTHING FOR UNIVERSE 3, BASKIN ROBBINS being the main meetup/setup point.  Jaeyoung is Minkyun’s friend so he would always drop by to have ice cream. While Changyoon could be doing a part time job there before and while occasionally drop by when he is nearby. 

welp they all live in the neighbourhood/same city in this universe so they all coincidentally bump at each other very often.

Either Yuto joining a school dance club or a dance academy  so there is where he met Minseok. (Who is a really curious kid who also look up to Yuto and Yuto also look up to him, cos dance talents)

(for this part I wont be talking about how Minkyun snuggling cat snacks cos its repeating what I wrote.)

 Scenario 1

If you are related with Yuto and Minkyun is the new join

Could you be are extroverted and you kind off help Yuto to get close to Minkyun

You and Yuto would find this new brother fascinating. He looks quiet at the beginning but later he will prove you both wrong

But when Minkyun is his serious mode, you will feel strange towards that too, because how can he has such large gap

i thinking its super cute and funny that if you and Yuto both gets intimidated at Minkyun’s height lol

It will be fun if Yuto has a denial stage aka hard time opening up to accept it because he is cautious, but you just bluntly accept it and joins Minkyun. It shows difference between personality of related blood siblings lol

IF actually you and your blood brother are introvertedly fun, Minkyun’s existence will be the key to spark both of your dork traits. It is a assuring factor for your parents that you 3 hang out very well.

its not like your family never heard Yuto laughed, but ever since Yuto and Minkyun opened up and gets close, Yuto is laughing alot.

you and Yuto both asking MInkyun for help when you two could understand some Koreans. But since Minkyun fools around 50:50, you two ends up googling or just straight up asking your friends

But if it is homework/grammar wise, Minkyun will really really explain it to you.

Minkyun also get close towards Yuto’s classmate, Minseok. I think a few times, you did not join, but the boys went out to roam the streets to feed stray cats/animals.

Bonus if in this hc, and you are younger than Yuto, and you have a crush on Minseok. Minkyun picks it up and would wanna help out but you told him to keep still XD

you three gonna be game buddies for sure lol

Scenario 2

If you are related with Minkyun and Yuto is the new joined / OR my preference, Yuto being the home stay student, and your family ends up unofficially adopts a Japanese sibling since Yuto continues his homestay contract with your family.

You and Minkyun thought Yuto is a bit distant in the beginning, and you three overwork your brains on trying too hard not to do something impolite towards each other culture.

But you and Minkyun would be surprise at how Yuto is so adapted to Korean culture later on.

Could be you are similarly shy like Yuto and need time to open up. This time Minkyun will be the one to open up first and slowly helps you.

Minkyun would suggest 3 of you to hang out at pet shelter. It does help.s

hould it is the homestay hc, I do see your family and Yuto’s family going along very well. Occasionally showing up to greet Yuto’s family during Skype session.

As Minkyun is the one who gave up, you are the one who would pick Japanese up later on. It gave Minkyun a shock when you and Yuto casually switching Japanese and Korean (with you amateur Japanese, but its already enough to give Minkyun a fright)

He might pout a bit, thinking/semi blaming himself a bit for not putting more effort to try to manifest the tool get close with Yuto. But then will throw the worry aside because its not really that important. Because he understands that its not like he and Yuto could not communicate anyways.

if it is the student hc, This could be when you and Minkyun are still high shcool-ers/ middle school-ers. And your school opens for foreigns students.

Minkyun being a bit worried because of he is 95er and Yuto a 99er. But when one day he sees Minseok come to visit, he goes: “ OMG thank goodness, I was so worried that he could not get along with classmate.”

Yuto just sidelining his hyung lol like chill dude, I interacts just fine ok. Don’t worry. 

(maybe Minseok comes to pass homework for Yuto because Yuto was sick and Minseok know the address.)

Similar to above, should you are Minkyun’s younger sibling, he can picks up that you have a crush on Minseok too.

Scenario 3

If you are the child that born later from your parents marriage

Them both flustered when they first meet the baby you.

Idk why for this hcs, I felt that age gap will be wider, as Yuto and Minkyun’s parents come together when them both are more older than other hcs. My age range idea is Yuto is about 10 or 13 while Minkyun is 14 or 17.

So, also I do think them both had a fight with parents, especially the mom because of her decision to get pregnant at older age. But quickly reconciled, they are just worried, no bad intentions. 

Because they are more grown compared to other hcs for this scenario, they help out on babysitting even more and even practical.

Minkyun basically is just like a young flustered dad while Yuto is the calmer one. But sometimes when the baby you throws a tantrum because you specifically wanted mommy, cues in both  Minkyun and Yuto flustered.

Also, Minkyun being funny but you are unbothered, 3 seconds later, it was Yuto who could not hold in and burst out laughter. 

You might be the one who pick up the language. And because you master both language, maybe later on your career pick would be interpreter

Rather than Yuto gets confused with language, you are the one who gets confused with language  in the beginning lol

It only got better when Yuto decided that you should speak Japanese with him and Korean with Minkyun in the household.

Minkyun is gonna let his baby young sibling ride him, and he will do his iconic either elephant or horse voice imitations.

(super funny bonus, if you are scared of that when you are a baby, but it got better later on.)

A/N I will stop here because I dont wanna write repetitive stuffs

[vtforpedro]

long, long health update - tw in tags please read them

I am going to speak very frankly about suicidal ideation; please don't read further if this is triggering for you ;3; but please know that I love you I had my follow-up appt with my neuropsych on monday to go over my results and whatnot. it was virtual, and I was in the middle of a head episode and I told her I wasn't doing well, but within about 5-10 minutes, she was saying I should probably go to the ER lkajflaj I guess it looked pretty bad lmao anyway I told her all the reasons I couldn't. medical trauma, being dismissed b/c I have doctors who manage my headaches, and I know it's not life-threatening even if it is 10/10 agonizing, so why are you here. they're so dismissive. she said that they have medication to possibly help break the cycle of constant migraines but I've been treated with those before and they didn't do shit migraines are secondary to iih. it's the iih that needs to be fixed ._. she said I still deserved to not suffer and that the ER is very strict about keeping covid patients away from other patients and I didn't have the heart to tell her they intubated a covid patient 10-15 feet away from me last time I was in an ER 😭 anyway so the results. she said she wasn't worried about anything going on that was concerning or indicating something wrong in my brain. I DID score quite a bit lower for someone my age on information processing (which is exactly what I said I was struggling with to my two neuros who were both like ehhh) and some issues with memory but they weren't super specific and so it could be something neurological, could be my migraines and constant agony lmao, could be my Emotional State. could be all of them at once, I suppose ;) she went into more detail about some of these things but it was the two questionnaires I filled out that were HNNN. so once all the data is entered from like 300 questions it shows a good look into my personality and perceptions and all that and it makes a cool little graph (OR SO I THOUGHT). the kind that looks like mountain peaks. so she points at the one that is waaay higher than the rest and nearly touching the top of the box and she's like 'do you see this one' me: yeah 😬 her: this is your feelings and ideations about suicide me: 😬 😩 😬 her: when I see a score this high, I stop what I'm doing and I call the police to have them escort you to a hospital me: 😬😬😬😬😬 her: but I didn't do that. because when we spoke in office you told me you felt this way and why you don't do it. you told me it's something you've lived with for a long time and the pain you are suffering is what makes it so bad. and I trust you me: 😭😭😭 okay her: do you see this line down here? this is people who have suicidal ideation recorded on this test. you scored 98% higher on suicidal ideation compared to people reporting suicidal ideation HNNNNNN. she said it probably wasn't surprising to me and asked me if I was safe again and all that. I assured her I was and said in my previous appointment; I've had suicidal thoughts since I was like 12? maybe earlier. there have been very few times in my life not surrounded by abuse and trauma so I'm never really free of it. I've had four traumatic incidents causing increasingly horrible episodes of ptsd in nine years. all through my 20s. still here woo, lol and she said she knew that and had a patient not long after my first appointment who had similar circumstances in their life. and they told her it's almost a comfort having it. cause I was saying it's in the back of my mind at all times and I won't do it, but yeah, it's always there. anyway she said they said the same thing; it's always there, always in the background as 'hey I'm an option!' even though we aren't going to harm ourselves. it's a comfort knowing there is an option even if we plan on never using it? idk it just spoke to me and I felt it in my soul we talked about some emotional stuff after and I cried and it was a thing. it felt really good to speak to a psychologist who, just as she was in the first appointment, seemed genuinely concerned and wanted to help

me. I told her I was ready for therapy and she said she'd already looked for therapists for me lkasjdlkja and gave me a group that I emailed yesterday. I don't think they'll take my insurance but she said to message her through the portal if they don't and she'll try to find someone who does I don't remember if I mentioned it, but since she knew about the head shit before I met her, she dimmed her office lights without asking if I needed it and like as soon as we started the virtual visit, she leaped up and dimmed them and said she should've thought about it before the appt 😭 (I keep my brightness really low on my computer and use the warming feature 24/7 on comp and phone and my apt is really dimmed but it still helped a lot when she did it) she kept saying 'you did nothing wrong. it was the choice of others to do what they did. you don't deserve to carry their choices. you deserve to be able to hand it back to them. you don't deserve to be in pain. you did nothing wrong. you deserve to be free of what they did and you deserve to not suffer in such physical pain' I'm so wary of doctors but I really like her and I feel fortunate to have been referred to her ;3; speaking for a long time and especially emotionally is hard for me, so I might try to do two sessions a month once I find a therapist and see if I'm ok with that. trying to keep everything virtual while delta is out there I read her report and her official diagnosis is uhh really strong for major depressive disorder, severe. and severe ptsd with disassociative symptoms so!!! I claimed both of those on my disability application and the person handling my claim told me when I had this appt to call and let her know because she wanted the info. I signed a release the day I was there when I told my neuropsych that cause MH stuff is different than other medical records. she said she faxed it to the woman handling my disability application but I was gonna call her and ask if she received it and also tell her I have a new neuro so she will probably request his stuff too I called today and her voicemail box is full so lol try again later today's been awful. last night was horrible. got a bill for over $800 from my colonoscopy/endoscopy even though I asked numerous times if insurance was covering it and was told yep, every penny. so I was on the phone with insurance and the surgery center for 45 minutes. insurance seemed confused af but the agent I spoke with got some help from people who handle this stuff I guess finally she told me not to pay it, they're going to send them a letter to get it sorted (idk if this means I won't have to pay it at all or if they're going to try to make it that way. but I think govt insurance, which is what I have, works differently. like doctors kinda have to follow what they say vs. the other way around) and not worry about it for the next 30 days. I'm still gonna worry about it lmao they used a nice scare tactic on the bill that this was the 'LAST AND FINAL NOTICE' despite the fact they've never sent me anything else. my mom and the insurance agent said nah that's just what they do to scare people into paying fuckin love america <3 land of the free. the american dream! greatest country on earth 💜🖕💜 I just don't want it to go to collections and have to fight credit bureaus to get it off my credit so it's not destroyed |: anyway my head hit like 10/10 bad while I was on the phone cause of the talking a lot and trying to PROCESS INFORMATION and stress and also the fucking hold music, which I have to hear in some way b/c I gotta know when they're back on the line hnnnnn bad day. it's 1pm and bad, bad, bad day. bad month all around. I want this shit to stop anyway. I'm sorry about the suicidal ideation talk, but it's important to talk about that stuff. it can get severe but it can also get better. it does, eventually, even if it comes and goes. it always does get better I'm sorry, I also really needed to get this down somewhere. feel like I'm going to explode emotionally AND physically and I need to talk about it. hopefully

soon I'll have a therapist to talk to so I can get a lot of this stuff worked on. got my whole life to chat about so it'll probably take a long time but I'm willing to let it lmao therapy doesn't usually work for me anymore but idk I've had a lot of shit happen in less than two years so maybe it will this time I'm trying! I really am trying if you read this rambling monster, thank you. love you all and please stay safe

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #460

“i let it fall - my heart  /  and as it fell, you rose to claim it”

When you were younger, did your mother or father ever let you open a few presents before Christmas or your birthday even arrived? We have a tradition of opening one of the smaller presents on Christmas Eve. If you could receive a 100 dollar gift card for either blouses, pants, dresses, shoes or purses, which would you chose? PANTS. I need new pants BADLY. What is your favorite thing to do after crying? Ex: Sleep, listen to music, have some alone time, talk to someone, etc? It really depends on why I was crying and how hard. Do you think Trump will be assassinated, or will he survive his term? Old survey. I really thought he'd be assassinated more than any other president, honestly. Last time you felt suicidal? A couple weeks ago, but they were only passive thoughts. Last time you had butterflies? Sometime today, thinking about things. Biggest asshole you know? Some relative of my sister's in-laws' is so fucking rude. Literally no one likes him, but because he's family, he comes to events, anyway. Did you ever leave someone because you know you’d hurt them? No. What song did you last listen to? I'm listening to No Resolve's cover of "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele. I have seriously been into rock/metal covers lately. Ever ridden in a police car? Yes. That's how they transport you from the ER to psych hospitals here. Ever witnessed a murder? JESUS, no. Have you ever lied under oath? No. Have you ever failed a subject before? I failed Algebra I during my last college attempt. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? Noooo. I wouldn't. I want tarantulas, which are venomous (the potency ranging from what side of the world they come from), but even the worst of their venoms isn't fatal. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Yes. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Yeah. Have you ever been to a movie that sold out? It's possible, idk. What movie last made you too scared to go to sleep? None, I think? When you’re on a laptop, do you hook up a mouse or use the touchpad? I use a mouse. What’s your mom’s mom’s name? Cecelia. Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? BOY THAT WOULD SUCK Have you ever been tempted to steal? No. What is the main character’s name in the book you’re reading? Moonwatcher. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. Who’s the last person you saw naked, aside from yourself? Mom, walking to her bedroom after a shower. Who’s your favorite horror monster/killer? Pyramid Head from the Silent Hill franchise. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to when driving? When I'm driving, no music. I can't focus. Would you ever own a hairless rat, cat or dog? I'd LOVE a sphinx. I doubt I'm ever getting rats or dogs again, but I do think they're cute. Females, anyway. I'm sorry but hairless male animals are just laksdjfk;lajdwkl;wj for obvious reasons. All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? J, T, D, S. What did you and your ex fight about most? "The" ex, uhhhh... I don't really know. We didn't fight a lot. Don’t you love long hugs? YEAH especially if I'm crying or just in general need comfort. And long kisses? If we're serious and the timing is right, yeah. Have you ever purchased condoms? No. Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No previous ones, no. Have you ever trashed your ex’s car after an argument? No. Even I wasn't THAT low. Would you leave a note on a car claiming responsibility if you damaged it? Yes. My guilty conscience would eat me alive otherwise. Have you ever used someone's handicapped parking pass to get a parking spot? No, and you're fucking garbage if you have. Are you embarrassed to tell people your job? I'm humiliated to tell people I don't HAVE a job. If you ran over an animal would you keep driving? omfg NO. I would absolutely pull over sobbing, move the animal to the side of the road, and hopefully there will be some wildflowers nearby to rest on it. I'd call whoever picks up roadkill, too. Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? Take me out to Olive Garden like a basic white bitch & feed me spicy shrimp fritas and u have approximately a 90% chance of getting laid. :eyes emoji: What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue? Ohhhh I know there's one, but I'm blanking. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? That is like an impossible question. There are so many possible, epic adventures. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? Writing stuff. Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? Yup, in the past. Like shut the fuck up, are you the one dating them???? Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? I've done this many, many times. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Idk, there's a lot of people I know like that. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Fall in love. Nothing matches that feeling to me. What would you rate 10/10? markerplayer What do you hope never changes? My resilience. I never want to give up when something knocks me down. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted? UM THAT IS MY MOTHER Is there anyone that you’d love to just spill your guts to? Girt. Like. Now. But I'm waiting until I actually see him again. This needs to be said to his face. Where is the person you have feelings at right now? He's maybe asleep or just waking up? I don't actually know his exact hours and I know they alternate, but I think he primarily works the night shift at his job? Are you happy with your relationship status? I'm not anymore. I want to be with ^ like very badly. When did you last cry? What for? Today. I'm terrified of loving someone again in the fear of getting very hurt or plain traumatized again. Do you think you’re wasting your time on the person you love? No. When’s the next time you’ll kiss someone? I usually hate questions that assume I can see the future, but I can tell you I plan to whenever I see He Who I've Mentioned a Gazillion Times In Today's Survey Spam. Were you ever scared to death of anyone you knew? Or are you currently? My dad, in the past. Not currently. What’s the longest you’ve been away from home by yourself? If you wanna count hospital stays, like... a month? Have you ever been made fun of, because of what you look like? I've been made fun of online once because of my weight. The insult never left me. Have you ever made fun of others, because of what they look like? No. It's awful. Do you think it’s cute when you’re leaving a place, and a guy says “no hug?” What a dick move. Some people don't like hugs. Do you wear short shorts (if you’re a girl)? I didn't know short shorts were specific to females. Anyway, no. I hate my legs WAY too much. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? My sister's in-laws and her husband. Who has your heart? I'm never giving that to another person again. I've got it. But to answer the general question that's being asked, I've fallen like head over heels for Girt. Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? I think it's pretty... I don't know the right word. It just seems immoral to me? Especially when you start cloning things with an actual conscience. I can see a lot of problems arising from it. Are you impatient with really shy people? Well no, given I'm one of 'em. Does your house have air conditioning throughout, or do you have one that sits in your window? Throughout. What is the most ridiculous band name you’ve heard recently? Recently? Idk. Would you ever get a fashion mullet? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO mullets are so ugly alsdkfj;aljdl;jwe Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? Isn't it historical, documented fact he was a living person? Even if that is true though, I don't believe in his "miracles." Do you believe in spiritual gifts? No. Do you believe in callings? No. If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? UM hell yeah. Pls take pictures of me that help me believe I'm even just 0.001% pretty.