#should I include Shining Moon Tokyo??

[landofanimes]

@sera-myu-week 2022 | Day 7: Free Day

Sailor Moon in classic, Super and Eternal forms on stage

Anza Ooyama (1993-98) Fumina Hara (1998-99) Miyuki Kanbe (2000-01) Marina Kuroki (2001-05) Satomi Okubo (2013-15) Hotaru Nomoto (2016-17) Sayuri Inoue, Mizuki Yamashita (2018), Shiori Kubo (2019) Tomomi Kasai, Kanae Yumemiya (2018-19), Natsuki Koga (2018) Riko Tanaka (2021-)

[lovelyxsakura]

Surprise!

↬ baji keisuke x reader x matsuno chifuyu ↫

↣ syn: chifuyu’s birthday is approaching, leaving you to ponder on what would be a good gift. luckily, keisuke has a great idea.

↣ (f/c) favorite color, (y/n) your name

↣ word count: 4,038

↣ tw: voyeurism, anal, begging, thigh riding, cuckolding, threesome, cunnilingus, face-sitting, face-fucking, degradation, dirty talk, double penetration, edge play, choking

↣ a/n: hello! i’ve been gone for a while but i’m finding more time to write. this is my first fanfic including tokyo revengers characters so i’m sorry if they seem too ooc. also, i’m aware that some feel uncomfortable with nsfw content including baji, which is completely understandable. if you are one of these people, i kindly ask that you skip this story here. all of the characters presented in this piece are aged up!

minors do not interact (18+ only!)

Winter wasn’t particularly your favorite season. On top of the frightful snow, you had much more to worry about including school, work, Chifuyu’s birthday-

A gasp slipped from your lips as you jolted awake from your daydream. The legs of your chair let out a screech as you pushed your body away from the block of wood in front of you. An array of textbooks were spread out across your desk, a vexatious reminder of finals coming up. You brought your fore and middle fingers up to your temples, soothing the oncoming headache by rubbing in circular motions. When the ache dulled, you removed your fingers and pushed all of your work to the side.

The top right drawer of your desk creaked upon being tugged by its handle. Your phone was the first thing that caught your attention, perched on top of some miscellaneous books you used for class. Picking it up, you noticed the screen brighten, displaying a plethora of notifications. Throughout the madness, Baji’s contact caught your eye. You clicked on his name, opening up the text message.

Today 8:43

you busy?

An ugly snort fills the room before your fingers instantly start whipping up a reply. You check the time before sending it off.

Today 10:57

well, not anymore. I was studying for finals. Something you should be doing too.

Baji and studying would never go into a sentence together, you could practically hear his laughter through your phone screen as the speech bubble appeared.

meet me outside.

A beat passed.

and hurry, it’s fuckin freezing.

You rolled your eyes and turned your head to gaze out the window, it was a clear night with the moon shining brightly. It’s somewhat late, but before you could even think about declining Baji’s offer, your stomach snarled. A few mumbled curses toppled over your lips as you stood up and stretched. Palms reaching towards the ceiling, back curved in a slight arch.

A full-length mirror hung on the back of your door. You examined your outfit in it; (f/c) sweatpants, and a black hoodie that you never remembered buying--it’s probably Baji’s. Grabbing the closest pair of shoes, you slipped them on and dropped your keys into the shallow pants pocket. Your hand grasped the doorknob, twisting it then stepping through once it was open. It closed behind you quietly, careful not to create too much noise. The combination of the dark night and the dim hallway lights made you feel uneasy, but your mind was at fault for creating scary, unlikely scenarios. You took long, calculating strides down each of the halls. The quickened pace made it possible for you to reach the heavy, metal doors swiftly. You grunted when you felt the weight of the entrance against your shoulder, but all complaints left your mind when the frigid air engulfed your body.

“Shit,” you cursed, arms quickly flying up to hug yourself. From your position right outside the building, you could see the side of Baji’s face. He wore his hair a little longer than he did in high school, it was down to the center of his back. Noticeably taller, he stood at around six feet two inches and nearly towered over you. His jawline was more defined making him look a bit older than he was–twenty-two. The blue light from Baji’s device casted a soft illumination over his features, it was a serene sight.

“Boo,” you exclaim unenthusiastically as you walk up to his side. He immediately looks up and tackles you in a hug.

“Aww,” you coo. “Did you miss me?”

Baji just rolls his eyes in fake annoyance, eyes zeroing in on ‘your’ hoodie.

“That’s not mine,” he states, pointing a finger at it accusingly while his eyebrows quiver in suspicion. You tug on the edges to inspect the pattern. There was nothing special about the hoodie initially, until you spotted tiny paw shaped prints at the bottom.

You shrug, “I guess it’s ‘Fuyu’s then.” He just smirks in response.

Baji silently starts his path to the running car a few feet away. You follow close behind, hopping into the passenger’s seat when he opens the door for you. It takes a few seconds for him to shut the door and walk around to his side. The vehicle is old, rust building up on the lower right side and a sizable crack splitting the driver’s side window.

“Fuyu’s birthday is in a few days,” you start, barely giving your boyfriend time to settle in comfortably. “I was thinking about what I, or we, should get him.”

The male grunts, moving his hands in front of the busted heaters in an attempt to warm up. There’s a few seconds of awkward silence before he retorts.

“That’s actually why I texted you. I have a great idea.”

You had an unpleasant feeling about this.

December nineteenth approached a lot faster than you anticipated, it felt like you didn’t even have enough time to mull over Baji’s words. Even though you had finally come to a mental agreement on the proposal, you still had doubts about it. Hopefully, this wouldn't be something any of you would regret. Losing any type of relationship with your boys would crush your heart.

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, smoothing over the (f/c) dress once, twice, three times before sighing heavily. After a little celebratory party for Chifuyu, Baji would drive you both back to their shared apartment. The air will definitely feel weird and cumbersome. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. What was Baji thinking? Fortunately, there was still time to back out and salvage your close friendship with Chifuyu. You picked your phone up from the bed, navigating the screen to the green speech bubble icon. Baji’s contact was pinned to the top, making it easy for you to open the message thread and ferociously start typing. Before you could get any further, however, there was a thunderous knock that reverberated through your apartment. Chewing on your bottom lip, you exited the bedroom and strode over to the front door. You were disgruntled by Baji’s punctuality.

“You’re early.”

He simpered, appearing pleased by your annoyance. “Just came to make sure you’re not chickening out,” he teased, inviting himself in and making himself cozy on your couch. Baji wore a crisp, black suit. The first few buttons of his white undershirt were undone, and his (f/c) tie was haphazardly fixed. You wondered if he had slipped a similar colored tie to Chifuyu so you could all match.

“I’m not going to ‘chicken out’ I'm just…nervous I guess,” you mumbled, moving to sit next to him on the sofa.

Baji hums in acknowledgment, completely understanding of your concerns. He wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in for a side hug. You rest your head on his chest.

“Are you sure about this? Be honest with me Keisuke.” There’s a casual pause.

“I’m sure baby, he’ll want this.” He trusted Chifuyu more than anyone else in the world. “He’ll want you,” he adds.

You were still a nervous wreck, but less dubious.

“Now, before you start worrying your pretty little head again, we should probably get going.”

You nodded, releasing yourself from Baji’s embrace in favor of grabbing your coat. After taking one last glance at your outfit, you both walked out of the door and made your way down to the car. It was going to be a long night.

The venue was nice, very meticulous and not at all what you were expecting. A few rectangular shaped tables were lined up against the windows, already adorned with gifts. A vibrant dance floor covered a vast section of the place. The dining side was decorated with round tables dressed in white tablecloths, and a mini bar. But the star of tonight’s show was unquestionably Chifuyu. You saw him often, considering he and Baji were roommates, but he rarely dressed up. His suit was a deep gray, almost black, shade. The tie that was wrapped around his neck neatly matched your (f/c) dress perfectly.

“‘Fuyu! Happy birthday!” You giggled in excitement. Both of his arms wrapped around your body, enveloping your figure in a tight hug. You were sure he was blushing. The embrace lasted a gawky amount of time, only to be broken by Baji clearing his throat. You gave Chifuyu a sincere smile and placed the cheesy birthday bag on one of the tables nearby. The three of you split up, you ventured off to find Hinata and Emma while they headed to converse with friends. It only took a few seconds before you spotted the girls at the bar. You leisurely headed their way, making sure to greet some friends you’d seen along the way. Hinata and Emma lifted their drinks in a welcoming manner as you situated yourself into the high barstool.

“Want a shot?” Emma yelled over the music. She signaled for the bartender before you could even respond.

Roughly seven drinks in and practically the entire crowd was out on the dance floor. The vibrations of the music and mix of alcohol coursed through your body. You kept making eye contact with Chifuyu, but with every drink it got a little less cloddish. When he finally had a moment of free time, he made his way over to you. You turned around upon feeling a hand on your waist, but you were relieved to find it was just Chifuyu.

“Hey birthday boy!” You slurred, placing a small peck on his flushed cheek. He blushed and muttered out a sheepish ‘hey.’ His tie was loosened a bit, his top button was undone, and you could see some sweat drenching areas of his shirt. Chifuyu looked around before meeting your eye,

“W-would you care to dance?” He stuttered.

You smiled and swung your arms around his neck. His hands rested comfortably on your waist. It was a slower song playing at this point, so it was more of a relaxed sway.

“You look really nice tonight.” His mouth slides up into a boyish smile that melts your heart.

“Thank you,” you hum in appreciation. Your right-hand slides over his chest while your left moves up to play with his hair. “You look as handsome as ever.”

Chifuyu squeals in elation, though it’s subtle.

“Tired?” You question. He doesn’t respond, instead just slides your body closer to his. The action leaves your brain buzzing.

“Hmm, don’t worry, we’ll be out of here soon.”

You unintentionally lied when you said soon. It was at least another few hours before the three of you were waving everyone off. You and Baji carried the bulk of Chifuyu’s things to the car before heading off to the apartment. Baji drove with you sitting in the passenger’s seat. His hand rested on your thigh, and Chifuyu watched the interaction between you two from the backseat.

“So…” you trailed off, wondering if it was okay to break the silence.

“Baji and I we-” he glances at you before training his eyes back on the road. “We’ve got one more thing for you tonight, yeah?”

Chifuyu nods skeptically, and the rest of the drive is completely silent. When you guys reach the apartment, you all silently agree to unpack everything tomorrow, and rush to the elevator. Your nerves were starting to act up again, and Chifuyu was unnaturally quiet. The elevator ‘dinged’ and Baji walked off first. You both followed. As soon as you all were in the apartment, Baji kissed you, forcefully pushing you up against the door. It was heated, vigorous, almost like you’d been teasing him all night. He pulled your left leg up around his waist before deepening the kiss. Neither of you pulled back until the need for air was too great. Chifuyu stood off in the back, shuffling from foot to foot.

“Chifuyu,” Baji dropped your leg and scuffled to your side. He beckoned his friend over.

“Do you want to kiss her?” Poor boy was absolutely speechless, so you pout and grab his hand.

“‘Fuyu please?’ you beg, “I want you to kiss me.”

Baji smirks when the stunned male looks over at him for permission, “Go on.”

Your lips were shiny, and slightly bruised from Baji’s roughness. Chifuyu wastes no time in leaning over, finally allowing his lips to make contact with yours. They’re extremely soft, and the kiss is filled with so much passion you’d think he’s practically in love with you. He is. You tug his tie off and throw it across the room. Softly, you bite down on his bottom lip and the sweetest grunt echoes through your ears. Your tongue slips in his mouth, and he pulls away quickly--a long string of saliva connecting you two.

“I-I don’t...I don’t understand.” He’s fumbling over his words, and you’ve never seen him so flustered.

“I’m gonna let you fuck my girlfriend,” Baji is blunt, too blunt. But he’s worked up and palming his erection through his pants.

“A-And she’s…(y/n) is...you’re okay with that?” He’s looking at you with so much hope and uncertainty in his eyes.

“Yes ‘Fuyu, of course I'm okay with it.” It's quiet for a beat before the birthday boy speaks up.

“Can I kiss you again?” he asks, sounding more confident.

You smile, and instead of giving a verbal response, you yank him down by the collar of his shirt, firmly planting his lips on yours. This kiss felt different from the passionate one you shared just previously. It was fervent, hungry. Chifuyu hesitantly shoves his tongue in your mouth, pulling both of your legs to encircle his waist. It's sloppy, but this is a one in a lifetime chance and you can feel just how excited he is from the way his crotch is pressed up against yours. When you pull back for air, his eyes are completely dazed, and his lips are swollen. He walks over to the couch in the living room and sits down leaving you to straddle his waist. Chifuyu bunches your dress up a little over your waist and sits still. You’re soaked and desperate for any type of stimulation.

“Look at her Chifuyu,” Baji sits down in the chair behind you. “You wanna get off, pretty girl? You know what to do.”

You slide over just a bit, putting all your focus on Chifuyu’s right thigh before you begin to roll your hips. Soft moans leave your lips, leaving him drunk off the sounds. Chifuyu places his hands on your thighs, pushing down and helping you with your motions. He leaves a few pecks on your lips before trailing gentle kisses down your neck.

“Chifuyu please.” You’re whining, yearning for something, anything.

His face is still buried in your neck, biting and sucking at the tender skin there. He’s bouncing his leg, and it’s sending such a pleasurable thrill through your core. You’re humping into his rhythm and it’s pushing you over the edge, just a bit more and-

“Stop,” Baji is serious, filling the atmosphere with such intensity, “She’s not allowed to cum yet.”

Everything stills, you’re gripping onto Chifuyu’s shoulders so hard. You huff, head turning around to steal a peek at Baji. His shirt is completely undone, pants and boxers pulled down to mid-thigh, and he’s ploddingly fisting his cock.

“Can I taste her?” Chifuyu is timid but very much aroused when he asks the question.

Your fingers press on his chest, guiding him to lay down on the couch. You take your underwear off, intending to slip the ruined garment in his pocket before he grabs your wrist. Maneuvering the crotch side to his nose, he inhales deeply, savoring your scent.

“So fucking good…” his voice cracks.

The sound of his resonant voice has you rubbing your thighs together, but it’s doing little to help ease the ache. The thin straps of your dress slip down your shoulder, you let the dress sink to the floor.

“Isn’t she just amazing? Go ahead princess, sit on his face, give him what he wants”

You blush and Chifuyu is palming himself through his pants while drinking in the sight of your bare body. Your right leg is squashed between his face and the cushions, and your left leg is in an awkward position hanging off the side of the couch. His arms hook over your thighs, urging you down, and you’re a little insecure about the weight but the fervor in his eyes makes you feel so much better. You’re slowly moving to sit on his face, and he cranes his neck to meet you halfway. His tongue lies flat against your lips, and he drags it up to circle your clit. He’s pulled you to a full seat on his face, and his mouth is spending time sucking and licking in all the right places. You set a slow, languid pace to move your hips in tandem with his ministrations. You play with your pert nipples, pinching and twisting while Chifuyu’s tongue dips in and out of your pussy. When you catch his eye, you could tell he’s gone, so lost in pleasuring you and hearing you moan for him. Your humps get more and more desirous as you approach your high. You tug on his hair, throwing your head back as your moans increase in volume. Chifuyu has your panties wrapped around his dick, bucking up into his hand at the same tempo of your hips.

“‘F-Fuyu please! Please let me cum, wanna cum for you.” You’re pleading, begging.

“Fuckin slut wants to cum yeah?” Baji's voice is strained, and you know he’s close too. “Cum then.”

And the cord snaps, you’re twitching, coating Chifuyu’s face in your slick. He's groaning but it’s muffled by your thighs. You’re out of breath, and it takes you a minute to realize the Baji had reached his high too. His clothing completely covered in cum. Your body is thrilled, you lean back and help Chifuyu sit up. He looks embarrassed by the amount of cum running down his chest and pooling around your panties, but you find it amusing that he came just from eating you out. Deep breaths fill the room as you guys recover from your orgasms.

Baji recovers quickly, you could tell that watching you sit on his best friend’s face unlocked something feral deep inside him. He gets up from his place on the lounge chair and stands directly in front of you. He’s thick, veiny, embellished with a flushed pink tip in need of attention. He scoops your hair up into a makeshift ponytail, you open your mouth expectantly.

“Such a good little slut, always ready to please me, always ready to suck me dry, ain’t that right princess?”

A sedated thrum rumbles through you at his words. You stick your tongue out and swirl it around his tip. He groans, enjoying the tease, but tugs on your hair to stop you.

“Stay real still for me princess.” He uses his free hand to pat your cheek.

Stepping closer to you, he smears the fluid from his tip onto your lips, and you obediently open your mouth. Baji slides his cock onto the dip of your wet vessel, and it’s heavy, but you love the feel of him. You peer up at him through your lashes, his head is thrown back, body relishing in the feel of your mouth. The pace he sets at first is agonizingly slow, he’s barely pulling out before slipping his cock all the way back into your mouth. His girth has you gagging a bit every time he bottoms out. The hand buried in your hair tightens right before he speeds up, firmly holding you in place. He’s thrusting at an awkward angle, body slanted forward a bit and right to his tippy toes when he’s hitting the back of your throat. His thrusts gain more power behind them, balls nearly hitting your chin with each motion. Breaths become more ragged as he gets closer to his high.

“Gonna cum baby,” he says. “Better swallow everything I give you.”

Your moan sends vibrations traveling up his cock. He’s holding your head in a vice grip before spilling his seed down your throat. You swallow it and stick your tongue out for show.

“Good girl,” he praises breathlessly.

You crawl over to Chifuyu, who’s sprawled out on the couch, lazily playing with himself. Pushing his hand out of the way, you replace it with yours, continuing the slothful pace he was working at. Baji gently nudges your body so that you’re lying on top of Chifuyu. He rubs on your ass, then lands a resounding smack on it, an involuntary yelp leaves your mouth. Your boyfriend spreads your cheeks, licking a long stripe from your pussy lips all the way to your asshole. Your hand tightens around Chifuyu’s cock, and his hands fly to your wrist. Baji sucks on two fingers before slowly inserting them into your asshole.

“K-Keisuke, fuck.”

His fingers are stocky and fill up your puckered hole snuggly. He wiggles them, scissoring them in and out. You kiss Chifuyu, moaning into his mouth while Baji continues to add more fingers to your ass.

“Almost ready babe, think you can take it?”

“Y-Yes,” your voice shakes.

He stands up, shedding his remaining clothing. You sit back on your knees to allow Chifuyu to do the same. Chifuyu lays back down onto the couch and waits expectantly. You straddle his waist pussy hovering directly over his crotch, and when you sink down onto him, he nearly explodes from the feeling of your gummy walls

“Fuck.” It’s a long, drawn-out moan. “Feels so good,” he slurs.

Baji gives you a minute to get comfortable before you feel his tip nudging your other hole.

“Relax for me babe,” he says before pushing his cock into your tight hole. You’re drooling, full to the brim with your two favorite boys. As he’s bottoming out, your body starts shaking, and twitching violently.

“Ah~ cumming! I'm cumming!” Your eyes are tightly shut, and you rut against Chifuyu to ride out your high. They’re both still as your struggle to catch your breath. Baji is the first to move, humping into you, moving you along Chifuyu’s dick too. Chifuyu whines, lifting his hips up into the motions. They set a nice rhythm that leaves you squeezing Chifuyu’s arms.

“I-It’s too much,” your words are jumbled together, “G-Gonna- ‘m gonna cum again.”

Baji’s hand comes up to clutch your neck. He applies pressure, and you just about lose it when you feel Chifuyu’s fingers play with your clit.

“So pretty…you’re so pretty,” Chifuyu is spouting endless praises as he watches you come undone on both of them.

“Like that baby? Like getting fucked by two cocks at the same time?” You whine, and he slaps your ass again. Chifuyu chokes on his spit when you clench around him from the impact, “Fuckin whore.”

You’re close and they can both feel it.

“Cum for us baby, know you can do it, you’re such a good girl.”

Chifuyu leans up to kiss you, and you scream into his mouth, liquid making a mess on Chifuyu’s chest.

“Fuck,” he follows right after you, spilling his seed into your fucked out pussy.

After a few more thrusts, Baji pulls out of your ass, pimping himself a few more times before shooting his load on your backside. You feel Chifuyu soften as you lift yourself off of him and lay down on his chest. Baji disappears for a second, coming back with a towel. He wipes his cum from your backside and your pussy before rolling you over so he can clean up the mess between you and Chifuyu.

Chifuyu picks you up and walks into Baji’s room where he lays you down. He situates himself behind you, hugging your waist and pulling you into him. Baji follows a few minutes later, facing you with a smile on his face.

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel great.” Baji kisses your forehead, and you start to drift off to sleep. “Happy birthday ‘Fuyu.”

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 2 - Established Relationships

Continuing from last week's theme of "Groundhog Day" we get to look at another trope from @floraone 's matrix - "Established Relationships". This week’s theme was chosen by the amazing @beej88 (please make sure to check out her Sailor Moon art!)

A bit of a disclaimer - I have gone ahead and mapped out which stories I would like to use for potential upcoming posts, so a few of the ones that would also fit this trope have moved to other categories. As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries)

The Game - @beej88

I think including this in this list MIGHT be a spoiler in and of itself, but this is a super fun story about letting go of some inhibitions while facing realities of adult life. 

To Have and to Hold - @linlamont

This was a contribution to the most recent UsaMamo week and hands down of my favorite entries. We get to see how the wedding planning is getting to Usagi, her deepest insecurities, a very supportive Mamoru and some very lemony scenes. And the best part? Amazing art at the end of every chapter!

Sunday Dinner - Algae

A nice slice of life short story about how Mamoru feels over the years about Sunday family dinners at Usagi's house.

Prison of Hair - @master-ray5

A super fluffy one-shot about how grateful King Endymion is for the life he has. The love we saw in the manga from Mamoru to both Usagi and Chibi-usa and their sleepovers is very well paralleled in this short story.

The First Year - @uglygreenjacket

This one is actually one of the first fics I have read when I was looking for something that would go between the wedding at the end of the manga and them becoming rulers of Crystal Tokyo. These series of interconnected stories get us through the ups and downs of everyday life, culminating in an amazing scene at a conbini, that makes me smile even now that I am thinking about it. 

Pretenses - @idesofnovember

This two-shot shines a light on the adjustments that need to happen when you are living together with someone you love and how things that are important to one should be recognized as such by the other partner. 

What are your favorite Established Relationship fanfics? What trope should we cover next week? Let me know! Otherwise, I am thinking of covering some of my favorite unfinished ones.

[kazububs-archived]

ꜱᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ ʙᴀʙᴇ?

includes: Chifuyu Matsuno

summary: watching a horror movie with Chifuyu

wc: 850 / fandom: Tokyo Revengers

notes: this is for my #thrills n kills collab and @sennsational lullaby of woe collab!!

The trees brushed harshly against the window, casting deadly-looking shadows in the darkened room. Chifuyu glances around the room, taking in their shapes as he avoids the movie playing in front of you two. A gut-wrenching scream emits from the TV as Chifuyu’s breath hitches in his throat at the sound. His attention was fully on the TV as he bit his lip in anticipation.   

Glancing to the side, you mumble “You okay, babe?” reaching out to grab his hand. Noticing the shaking you turn your attention to him fully. “Fuyu?” His glued eyes rip away from the screen to meet yours, “Ah-umm yeah? Sorry, what was that?” 

Sighing, you slide over on the couch until your side is flush against Chifuyu’s. Laying your head on his shoulders, you intertwine your fingers. “We can watch something else if you want?” His voice cracks out a rushed reply, “No this is okay, im okay promise!” Sighing, you snuggle into his side more, letting the movie continue. 

The plucks of strings increase your heart rate, as you subconsciously hold on tighter to Chifuyu’s hand. Eyes glued to the darkened screen, trying to make out a large figure standing in the doorway. They stomp forward, heavy boots against creaky hardwood floors. 

The kitchen knife glimmers in the single light source of the moon shining through the kitchen window. They raise it up as a girl screams in terror, raising her arms in a futile attempt to protect herself. Her scream matches your own as you jump into Chifuyu’s chest.   

Gripping your chest, your heart feels like it's going a million miles a minute as you try to catch your breath from the scare. You can’t seem to tear your eyes away as Chifuyu looks down at his chest, unsure of how to react. Should he put his arms around you? Should he just let you recover? Should he kiss the top of your head and whisper reassurances to you?  

The TV radiates the woman’s voice as she pleads to be set free, the pleas of “I promise I won’t tell anyone! Please just let me go! Please” Snot and tears run down her face as the killer simply stares in vague amusement. They raise their weapon again, rusty red blood dripping off of it. Thrusting into her throat as gargled noises escape her as she weakly claws at the killer's forearm attempting to push them away in vain. With one last thrust of the knife, they rip it out of her throat to allow the blood to gush everywhere, and her limp body falls to the ground.  

Gripping Chifuyu’s shirt, you peek through your lashes to look up at him only to notice he’s looking down at you. “You okay, doll?” He whispers out, arms hovering over you, unsure of what he’s supposed to do. 

Pouting up at him, you latch on harder, pushing him back into the couch. It takes him a second to regain his composure but when he does, Chifuyu smiles down at you, wrapping his arms around your back to pull you in closer, “Don’t worry babe, I’ll protect you.” he whispered out, pressing a small kiss to the crown of your head. 

The movie continues as the final group of characters attempt to make a plan on how to change the game and kill the killer. “Okay, what do you know about him?” 

They form ideas on their weaknesses, “We know that they’re weak to water, right? I mean that’s how they died in the first place.” One pipes up, as another guy barges in, “So what? We’re supposed to dump some water on them and hope it melts?!” The comment is met with silence and lowered eyes. No one wants to admit it but he’s right, how were a bunch of average teenagers supposed to kill this 7ft beast of a “human” if you could even call it that anymore.

A brunette rubs her neck, pacing around the small cabin. “I know, okay okay everyone!” She grabs their attention, stopping in front of the cabin door. Rotting wood fills her senses, but she chooses to ignore it. “Okay I have an idea, so we know its weakness and we know we can use it against them so my plan i-” 

A scream rips through her lungs as her throat collapses in on itself, a large grim covered hand reaches through the door window, shattering the glass into her back. The group screams in unison as they scramble away from the door in fear, a futile attempt to make any distance as it blocks the only exit. 

You and Chifuyu seem to jump at the same time, holding on tightly to each other. A flow of swears leaves his mouth as you bury your face in his chest. The cracking sound of bones echoes out of the speakers as you let out a high-pitched squeal to attempt to drown out the noise. Chifuyu’s arms tighten around your frame as he mumbles out a quiet “I got you, baby.”, snuggling into him for protection. “Thank you, Fuyu.” 

tagging: @tokyometronetwork @downtown-roponggi @rxmera-archive @dearestgojo @portfolio-of-dreams

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[sweet-rintarou]

"Everything okay?" Ushijima asked, glancing towards you briefly as you laughed at the shenanigans that was occurring in your group chat with the other guys.

You nodded, looking up at him, "Yeah, they're just... you know, being them," You emphasized with a roll of your eyes. You finally turned your phone to airplane mode and locked your screen after seeing Suga's bitter response and plastered on a beaming smile as you turned your body slightly to face Ushijima. "So, what possessed you to finally ask me out?"

A chuckle escaped his lips, causing the smile on your face to only grow bigger. Since talking to Ushijima more often, and interacting with him in a comfortable light, he's become less stoic and stiff, loosening up and laughing a bit easier—not that much if one were to compare to a normal person, but it was progress for you. "Nothing possessed me, Y/n, I felt like this was long overdue."

Your eyes curved into crescents as you beamed up at him, earning an equal smile from his end.

He then added, "I made sure that it was a quiet town, so there won't be too many people—I hope no one followed us."

"Me too," you frowned, huffing in frustration. "God, I can't wait until this stupid contract ends."

"I'm glad that Oikawa is helping you through this," he states, "it must be difficult to even go through in the beginning."

"Yeah, but it should be ending soon and Oikawa and I will have to stage our break up and everything," you informed, sighing, "I never knew fake relationships could get so complicated." He laughed, nodding in agreement.

There was a brief moment of silence between the two of you, the only thing filling the air was the soft music of the radio as the sky began darkening and stars were slowly filling the sky. Incomparable to the night sky of Tokyo or Kyoto because of the light pollution that hindered the stars from shining, you stared in awe at the starry night sky.

"The moon looks beautiful, doesn't it?" Ushijima suddenly spoke up, causing you to avert your eyes to the moon where it stood bright, in the shape of crescent.

"It really does." As you stared at the sky, eyes bright as the stars reflected in your eyes, Ushijima couldn't help but slow the car down ever so slightly, hoping you wouldn't notice as he spared glances to you, the corner of his mouth lifting, a feeling of content and comfort radiating throughout his chest.

-

The diner gave off the same vibes as those you'd find in movies—they were the place where people meet, reconnect and reconcile. It was comfortable, and the owners seemed to go out of their ways to ensure their customers had the best experience. The two of you included.

It seemed to be obvious by your enthusiastic gleam that you weren't from the town, and the waitress to your table made sure to recommend you the specials, what was the most popular meal and what combos to have to make sure you'd enjoy every minute of it.

Ushijima had also went out of his way to make sure that you were comfortable, and let you order first. You ordered the special of the night, having the waitress pick your drink that was the best to go with your meal.

"I'll have most popular with coffee, please," Ushijima ordered, and sent a warm smile to the waitress before she excused herself with the notes of our orders.

"This is really nice, how did you find it?" You asked, your wandering eyes staring at the decorations that was filled with cheesy quotes and an array of small plants that gave the place a rustic feel.

"I came by here once after a delivery, and thought you'd like it," he explained. "I'm glad to know you like it, Y/n."

You smiled up at him, "I love it." The two of you continued to discuss regarding your careers, switching between the band and the flower shop.

"Y/n," Ushijima called, when there wasn't anything being said between the two of you. You faced him, nodding for him to continue. "Do you think... uhm, how do you say this?"

"Say what?"

"I'm finding difficulty in formulating my sentence," he admits, his voice monotone with a slight raise of confusion at the end of his sentence. You couldn't help but chuckle into your hand. Sometimes he'd avert to his stiff self when expressing his feelings, you'd notice.

He sighs, "I like you, Y/n and I would like to know if you feel the same."

You pursed your lips, trying to suppress the urge to squeal and somersault across the diner. "Of course I do, Toshi, I—"

You were caught off guard from a clicking noise, your eyes snapping to the direction of the noise, only to see the cashier pulling out money from the register.

"Are you okay?" You felt his hand rest atop yours, calming down your nerves immediate.

"Yeah," you assure him, releasing a sigh, "When this is over—you know, the whole fake dating thing, I'd like to go with you again... Maybe even a lot."

His lips turned up into a smile, mirroring yours, "I would enjoy that, too."

Little did you know, your phone was blowing up with messages from the guys, Oikawa, and Rei Records.

silver lining | w. ushijima smau

previous | masterlist | next

part forty

—moon

author's note: that moon quote really fucked me up man :') art cr. to Pascal Campion.

taglist (CLOSED) : @alienvarmint @loubells @naughtylittleweeb @tycrackculture @someone-you-dontknow @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @stargirlara @brownsugartease-blog @leviathans-watching @kenjiru @ushiwakaismybae @elianetsantana @kagebunshiin @dainslove @marajillana @wannakeillmyself @bokuto-buns @kiritokunuwu @ihateccmber @changkyun-not @mischevious-pixie @mochi-the-uwu @haengbokpixie @pinq-bug @kittyddandnyla @runningwitches @cevanswhre @mint-mai @morpheus-rex @franko-pop @bigchaosenergy @luhvsnoir @shadowpurr @fueledbyapplepi @bellesowl @nonbinaryh0e @somis0 @farmertoshi @a-moon-fairy @cat-kinda-moon @halesandy @putmeinyourdeathnote @kookie-doughs @nikanikabitch @fuckjeffreybezos @icedberrytea @dearfushiguro @sevenlol @darlingkuroo (send an ask if you want to be added) if your name is crossed, i cant tag you

[yslkook]

#customer centric (4)

#corporate masterlist summary: you arrive in tokyo and spend a few days catching up and reminiscing. jin comes as well, with a few old friends that you haven’t seen in years. Or, you wander around the city visiting familiar places and go to a club with people you haven’t called friends in years. word count: 8656 warnings: cursing, parental death, discussion of mental health, lots of alcohol a/n: this is part 1/2 of being in tokyo!! this is the top i envisioned for oc lol

You missed Tokyo, and Tokyo missed you. The city itself brings bittersweet memories to you, memories of your childhood with your dead father and grandmother passing through your mind as if you’re watching a movie.

Your dad had brought you to Tokyo every summer when you were young, until you were about seventeen or eighteen. Tokyo had become more of a second home than a vacation place for you.  You haven’t been here since college, about two years before your dad passed away. But despite that, it feels like home.

You can read, write, and speak Japanese fluently, which is part of the reason why you’ve been such an integral part of the team so far. The company’s sister branch is in Tokyo, and it’s not your first time visiting the branch, or interacting with your team members based in Tokyo.

You’ve wondered often, quite bitterly, if your fluency in Japanese is the only reason you’re even still on the team. Your boss and his boss at least trust you enough to be the responsible party for your team- there’s only one other member of your team here, Sana. But she’s relatively new, so the responsibility has fallen onto you.

That’s alright. You operate well under pressure.

You’re joined by your small knit team, Sana, Namjoon and Jungkook. Namjoon had managed to finagle with the budget enough that you could arrive a day early, on Friday, and spend the weekend in Tokyo before the workshops began on Monday.

And Seokjin would be flying in on Saturday morning with some of his friends. You’re grateful that at least Jin was coming. Whenever Jin makes these spontaneous types of trips, they’re bound to be eventful. 

Monday and Tuesday will be filled with workshops, proposals and pitch meetings. You made Jin promise that he’d spend time with you during the weekend, so that you could show him some of the treasures you remembered from the city. Despite your many years of friendship, you had never been to Tokyo with Jin and you want to show him some of the places Appa used to take you to.

You’re excited. Even if Jungkook, with his big, sparkling eyes and his natural curiosity is coming along. Seeing him, even though it’s been well over three months that he joined the company, sends you down a dangerous path that isn’t fair to him or to you.

You have to constantly remind yourself that it’s not his fault and you shouldn’t be mean to him. It’s not his fault that your boss and his boss are out for your blood and refuse to give you recognition. But you can’t help but feel like he’s part of the problem that has faced you for the last three years. Part of the same awful old school, conservative mindset that so many of your peers were part of as well.

The leadership at your company needed a drastic overhaul, but you would be the last person to voice those thoughts out loud. Unless it was to Jin. 

You know Jungkook doesn’t deserve your unspoken rage. You can admit that, but you’re not saint enough to channel it somewhere else. You’ve mellowed out considerably from the initial few months, but you could stand to be a little warmer to him.

After all, the way his bunny smile takes up half of his face when he offers it up to someone so worthy… that means nothing to you.

You arrive in Tokyo with your team at around eleven AM, and you check into your hotel rooms about an hour later. Jungkook and Sana had planned the logistics of the trip, from the hotel to the taxi service to lunch, dinner, and the company sponsored happy hour on Monday and Tuesday. 

Because you were in Tokyo for work, you fully planned on using your company card to the fullest for the next few days. This company could kiss your ass, and you would be more than willing to spend as much as you needed to as a subtle ‘fuck you’. It was your version of flipping off your boss, for when he would have to approve your expense report sheet. 

Namjoon had given you Friday to yourselves, to get acquainted with the hotel room and the area itself. Sana and Jungkook had done a good job with choosing the hotel- it has a wonderful view of the city from the rooftop, and being inside the sophisticated hotel with it’s hues of black and white and pops of color and elegance. This regal building screams opulence and you’re bathing in the luxurious feel of it all.

The diamonds of the chandeliers hanging high above you glint in the dim light of the lobby, bouncing off of the sleek, black piano and adding to the romantic air. Was this a love hotel? You scoff to yourself, keeping your head down as you exit the hotel and head in the direction of your favorite park, the Happo-en Garden. 

When you had told your therapist that you’d be coming to Tokyo for the first time since your father’s death, she had immediately picked up on your hesitation-

“It feels weird to be there without him. Almost like the place doesn’t exist if he doesn’t,” You scoff, wringing your hands together.

“It certainly exists without him. And you do, too,” She says kindly, “Maybe you’ll feel close to him when you go there.”

And she was right, as she usually is. You sit alone at a freshly painted red bench with a box of street snacks, including some of Appa’s favorites. The sunshine glimmers against the still lake in front of you, hues of green fading to orange and red reflecting in the murky water. 

This park was a favorite of Appa’s-

“We’re still in Tokyo, but it feels like we’re so far away. Right, sweetheart?” He asks, dark eyes shining. Appa’s hand tightens around yours and you nod excitedly.

“Yeah! Like we’re close to the princess’s castle!” You gasp.

“That’s right, but the only princess I see here is you,” Appa smiles and you beam at him, all smiles and sunshine.

The memory is from when you were maybe seven or eight years old. Everytime you came to Tokyo with Appa, you always came to this park. Specifically to this area, where Appa claimed that the sun shined on the leaves and the water in a specific way that made everything feel like magic.

You had always scoffed at him, especially as you grew older and the lines around his eyes grew deeper. But you still entertained him. You never saw that magic that Appa claimed to see, but now, you wonder how you could ever not see it.

A breeze ruffles through the trees, whistling as it threads through your hair and running over the water. The clouds part for a moment, allows a burst of sunbeams to spread over the water and you gasp at the sudden golden filter over the surroundings in front of you.

Another breeze, one from your left side, presses against your shoulder and your cheek. Almost like it’s whispering to you. You whip your head to the side, only to find nothing next to you. You feel like you’re floating, with the gentle caress of the wind to keep you company.

You eat your snacks in silence, embracing the way that it feels like the wind is Appa’s caress against your skin.

By the time you return to the hotel, the sun is beginning to go down and a bittersweet sort of happiness settles in your heart. You feel closer to your dad than you have in a long time- this city was bound to feel like home with its welcoming arms curling around you warmly. You had spent the better part of the day visiting old sights and places that you had frequented to with Appa. 

It was peaceful, like a walk down memory lane. You could almost see your younger self bursting at the seams with joy at all of the new places. You could almost see her so eager to learn and demanding that Appa teach you Japanese immediately.

You wonder where that girl went. She’s lost, buried beneath layers and layers and maybe someday you’ll find her again.

Stopping by one of your favorite restaurants, you order all of your favorites times three. For your colleagues to have something to feast on when you returned from your day trip. You hadn’t been on your phone for most of the day, choosing to mute the group chat with your colleagues so you could truly be alone. 

Once you approach the familiar blue neon sign of the restaurant, you send them a text:

you: evening all. dont worry about dinner, Im bringing lots of food back sana: look who woke up from her coma namjoon: did you put it on your card? you: of course i did. you dont have to remind me joon ;)  you: want to have dinner together? jungkook: ya where should we eat Namjoon: come to my room, it’s room 1804 you: ok, be there in about thirty min

With your heart feeling full, brimming with fondness for your teammates, you pay for the heavy bags of food and make your way back to the hotel. You can’t help but smile as you walk with a little pep in your step.

“You should have asked one of us to help you,” Jungkook says reproachfully, taking half the bags from you.

Your arms ache, not that you’ll admit your stubbornness. You only smile sheepishly, “It was only a fifteen minute walk.”

“And this is a lot of food,” Jungkook muses, peeking inside as his doe eyes sparkle in anticipation.

“It’s our first team dinner in Tokyo. We deserve it,” You shrug.

“I also bought a few bottles of wine,” Sana chirps, dangling two bottles of red in her hands, “We deserve it.”

You laugh and she winks at you. Namjoon is already setting up the many boxes of food on the mahogany wooden desk in the corner of the room. The curtains are pulled back, affording you of a breathtaking view of the city lights and the now hanging moon high in the sky.

“The boss has the best view, huh?” You tease, nudging his shoulder.

“Jungkook picked it,” Namjoon shrugs, “I just wanted to share the view with you all.”

“How sweet of you,” You say sincerely, “Dinner with a view. That’s pretty romantic. And Jungkook has good taste.”

Jungkook’s ears flush at your praise and he covers his ears for a second. Not that you notice. You sit on the floor, across from Jungkook and offer to scoop food onto everyone’s plates for them. You ignore their protests and do it anyway, quietly asking how much of each they want. Sana fills up plastic cups with wine and labels everyone’s cup with a black marker so you can all keep track of them.

“How classy of us,” Namjoon snorts but says thank you to Sana.

“Did you bring wine glasses in your luggage?” Sana shoots at Namjoon, “I didn’t think so.”

You stifle your laugh behind your hand and shake your head. “Feels like college, if only those cups were red,” You joke.

“My roommate still uses red cups sometimes, for casual purposes,” Jungkook says softly, “It drives me up the wall. Like, can you drink out of a normal cup or what? I get flashbacks to beer pong almost every morning.”

You laugh a little harder at that, and the sound is sweet in Jungkook’s ears. He wants to see if he can get you to laugh like that a little more.

“I mean, we’re grown now. I can’t believe Taehyung sometimes, having his morning orange juice in a red solo cup. It’s heinous.”

Your eyes are overflowing with mirth, the sound of your genuine happiness echoing in Jungkook’s ears and he can’t help but smile in return.

“Morning orange juice,” You mutter, “That’s adorable. Taehyung? That’s the name of your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook replies, “We did undergrad together and he’s an aspiring art gallery curator. He’s actually coming here tomorrow-”

“Wait, hang on,” You say after chewing through a mouthful of noodles, “Is this Taehyung, as in Kim Taehyung who you snuck into that bar with and he ended up getting absolutely hammered and stealing three bottles of alcohol? Before getting kicked out and Jin and I took you both home? That Taehyung?”

The fondness with which you speak of Taehyung unnerves Jungkook. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods, “That Taehyung.”

“Sounds like a real class act,” Sana says dryly.

“Wow, I haven’t seen him in years,” You exhale, “I think Jin’s bringing some friends from college tomorrow, too.”

“Yeah, he mentioned a Jimin and a Hoseok,” Namjoon adds.

“Damn, Sana, maybe we should’ve brought our friends, too,” You murmur, teasing but honestly, you don’t really have anyone you would’ve asked to bring, “Can’t wait to see what this boys weekend brings.”

You fully anticipate that Seokjin will rope you into whatever shenanigans they have planned, and you don’t even feel bad about crashing. You make a mental note to let Sana know of whatever plans they invited you to, so that she wouldn’t feel left out.

They don’t ask where you were all day, and for that you’re grateful. The lines of professionalism are beginning to blur for you, and you don’t want to burden them with your feelings and problems. You don’t want them to think differently of you for trying to catch a glimpse of Appa in your memories. 

Jin would say you were being silly, but you can’t help it. Maybe someday, but not today.

But Jungkook does wonder. Where were you all day? When the group chat was going off, you were silent. It was none of his business, but he’s curious. And he’s curious about you. You hadn’t changed out of your day clothes or taken your makeup off. He can see the nearly gone darkened stain of your gloss on your lips and the curl of your lashes. Jungkook keeps his eyes above your neck, knowing that if his eyes begin to wander he would be even more of a goner than he already was.

It’s September in Tokyo, meaning that it was warm during the day and somewhat chilly in the evenings. Your dark green long sleeved shirt is tucked into your shorts, complete with a black belt, leaving your tanned thighs on display. Jungkook thinks he catches a glimpse of a tattoo peeking from your shorts, but he thinks he imagines it. 

Until your shorts ride up just a little and he sees an array of colors and the fleeting sight of a flower on your upper thigh. Jungkook swallows nervously and stuffs his face full of udon noodles without hesitation. If his mouth is stuffed with food, then nobody will look twice at him and he can keep his thoughts to himself and ogle at you in peace. 

The logic makes sense in his head.

Your voice carries over to Namjoon, telling him that you’ll be picking Seokjin, Jimin and Hoseok up in the morning with the rental car.

“Hey, if Taehyung is arriving at the same time, do you want me to pick him up?” You ask, turning your gaze to Jungkook.

“Huh?” Jungkook asks. You roll your eyes.

“Taehyung. If he arrives at the same time as Jin, Jimin and Hoseok, do you want me to pick him up?”

“Er,” Jungkook says eloquently, “He’s actually been here for the last week. Thanks, though.”

You want to say that Jin would cause a scene and whine at you if you didn’t pick him up from the airport, the prince that he is. But you keep it to yourself- after all, he’s somewhat of a boss to Jungkook and Sana. 

You nod in understanding and shove more noodles and meat into your mouth. You stretch your legs out in front of you and Jungkook doesn’t look away, instead allowing his eyes to rake over you shamelessly. Nevermind that Namjoon and Sana are right next to him, probably wondering why he’s staring you down so intensely.

The four of you spend the rest of the evening discussing your plans for the weekend, avoiding the topic of work altogether. It’s nice, you can almost believe that you’re all just four friends making a weekend getaway without the confines of work looming over your heads.

Namjoon offers to split the remaining food amongst the four of you and puts equal amounts of everything into each container for all of you to take back to your rooms.

And then Sana pours more wine for each of you and you feel yourself beginning to get more and more relaxed with each sip you take. You want to open your stitched together lips, tell them how it’s been so long since you’ve had alcohol with anyone who wasn’t Jin. You want to tell them that you like red wine more than white wine, but nothing beats soju-

“What’s your favorite kind of wine,” Jungkook asks. He comes to sit next to you on the floor, stretching his legs out. His shoulder brushes against yours and you feel something like electricity at the soft touch.

“Um… I like reds over white wine. But I haven’t had that many reds to say which kind is my favorite,” You muse.

“Guess we’ll have to try some more red wine, huh?” Jungkook says, his eyes sparkling and bunny smile on display. 

Your heart warms and sputters at the same time.

“Yeah,” You nod breathlessly, “What about you? What do you like?”

“I’m not picky. I don’t really like cabernet,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, “Too bitter for me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” You giggle, unable to believe that such a noise is coming out of your mouth. Despite Sana and Namjoon having their own conversation on the other side of the room, it feels like it’s just you and Jungkook for a minute in your own bubble.

“I like a good chardonnay, too. Nice ‘n crisp.”

“Me too, I love that crisp taste of a good white wine,” You reply, unable to keep your eyes off of him for longer than a second. His cheeks and the tips of his ears are a pretty pink and you wonder if his cheeks are as warm as yours are.

“Thought you didn’t like white wine?” Jungkook murmurs, head tilting inquisitively. 

“I prefer red, but if there’s white wine in front of me, I mean,” You shrug, “It’s not like ‘m gonna say no.”

“Oh? We’ll have to test that out, too,” Jungkook smiles, “I like soju the best. Nothin’ beats soju.”

“Yeah, peach and green grape,” You say knowingly, “The only flavors with rights.”

“Exactly. You get me,” Jungkook nods with wide eyes. He asks you about Tokyo, if you come here often. You answer him somewhat vaguely, but tell him that you grew up reading, writing and speaking Japanese. He looks impressed by that and the fondness in the lines of his lips startles you.

You chalk it up to the romance of this city making you soft and pliant to his doe eyes and the warmth of his smile. He’s so easy to get lost in- you find yourself leaning closer to him to hear what he has to say about his own travel dreams. He wants to go to New York City and Bangkok and Athens- the way his eyes light up constricts around your heart.

Every part of him radiates warmth and you want to be draped by it. He says something that makes you smile and laugh, and you swat at his shoulder reflexively. Jungkook only looks at you in that way. The way that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world. He’s good at that.

He has hearts and stars in his eyes for you and it makes you choke.

Maybe you had imagined it all because you remember where you are. You’re in your boss’s hotel room and he’s standing right there. Jungkook sees the spark in your eyes disappear immediately and you pull away just as quickly, as if the moment had never happened.

He won’t deny the sting, but you’re so easy to get lost in. The fog in his mind clears, and while it’s only been a few minutes that you’ve been alone. It feels like much longer. But Namjoon and Sana are still deep in conversation, his dimples on display and her smile bright.

You pull away but your dark eyes are still wide and focused on him, stars swirling in your irises and Jungkook thinks he might fall into this wonderfully brown abyss held in your pretty face. Finally, you move away from him on the floor, almost immediately missing his warmth. You look back at him as you move to get some water, the same curious look on your face.

Your face is burning, and you’re surprised you’re able to keep this cool for this long. The urge to bolt from Namjoon’s hotel room and back to your own is one that you have to fight. But instead, you stay planted where you are. Jungkook confuses you, you hardly even know him and you had let him get so close to you. It’s not something you usually do, but what unnerves you is how nice it felt. The closeness of him, his eyes on you and only you. Are you bothered by it? 

No, you realize. No. You quite liked it. You’re supposed to hate him- he represents everything you hate. A young kid, a boy, raising quickly through the ranks of your corporate world, while you grasp at straws. 

Does he? Does he represent everything you hate? What a load of bullshit.

You swallow again. You need to leave.

“Hey, Joon,” You say softly, touching his elbow, “I’m going to head out. It’s getting late and I’ve gotta head out early tomorrow.”

Jungkook’s heart drops. He’d made you so uncomfortable that you were abruptly cutting your night short. Because of him. He needs to make this right.

“I’ll walk with you,” The words tumble out of Jungkook’s mouth before he can stop them. His heart is pounding in his ears- he needs to apologize before you hate him even more.

“Okay,” You reply with a smile, “Here are your leftovers.”

“I’ll walk with you both,” Sana says, taking her bag.

With that, you say your goodbyes and leave Namjoon’s room to the elevators. Your head feels like static, a wave of thoughts congealing into something impenetrable. The doors ding shut, all three of you standing on opposite ends of the elevator. You can’t look at Jungkook, you can’t see his doe eyes. Not right now.

Sana calls your name, “Thanks for the food.”

“No problem, Sana,” You murmur, “See you tomorrow.”

And then it’s just you and Jungkook in the elevator. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says immediately, “I made you uncomfortable. I’m sorry. If you don’t wanna talk to me outside of work, I get it-”

“What?” You ask, finally looking at him. You take a step forward, close enough to him that you’re in his orbit. “You didn’t… You didn’t make me uncomfortable, Jungkook. I would have told you if you did. You just… confuse me.”

The last bit comes out as a vulnerable whisper and all Jungkook can do is nod. 

“Goodnight, Jungkook,” You say clearly, casting him a look over your shoulder as you exit the elevator. Your eyes are guarded once more, as if the night hadn’t happened. As if he hadn’t fallen for you even further. You wash him away from your bloodstream quickly and Jungkook feels his heart aching once more.

By the time you pick up Jin, Jimin, and Hoseok from the airport and arrive at the hotel, it’s nearly noon. The car ride back was fun, dare you say it. It amazed you how Jin still remained close in contact with people you went to college with. It felt natural, talking to Jimin and Hoseok. As if years hadn’t gone by.

They were hot, and that was your first assessment when you had met them at the airport. Jimin and Hoseok had both embraced you in tight hugs, without any regard for whether you wanted one or not. You found that you didn’t really mind.

You didn’t know how you were going to survive this weekend surrounded by these many attractive people. 

“We should celebrate. For this reunion,” Hoseok says.

“Jungkook is here, too,” You reply, “A great big university reunion right here in Tokyo, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you guys work together now,” Jimin says.

“Wait, you guys are friends still?” You ask.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Jimin says, genuine confusion in the handsome planes of his face.

You suppose everyone else is better at making and maintaining friendships than you are. It stings a little, having so many people from university in the same place. In the city that already holds so many memories for you. But you’ll embrace it, because that’s what you’ve been working on. Embracing change.

And of course, what was a boys weekend without a night out at the club? Jin had all but demanded that you come, in true dramatic fashion- I can’t go out without you, you know. I can’t believe you’re considering leaving me like this. I’ll die there without you.

It didn’t take much from you to roll your eyes but agree and tell him that you were inviting Sana.

“Go pregame and get ready with your boys,” You had urged him, “It’s so rare you all are together like this. I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Are you sure?” Jin asked with uncertainty and you had only smiled warmly at him. 

“Yes, Seokjin. I’m sure. I’ll be crashing the party soon, don’t worry,” You reassured him and he left your hotel room. He promised to text you when to come and you just nodded, shooing him away.

That had been nearly two hours ago, and you’re putting the finishing touches on your makeup with Sana getting ready in the bathroom. Music is playing through your phone and once you’re done with your lip gloss, you make drinks and prepare shots for you and Sana.

“You’ve gotta tell me how you’re friends with so many hot men,” Sana says, taking a seat on the bed.

You scoff, “I’m really only friends with Jin. The rest of them come with Jin, we’re hardly friends.”

“Oh?” Sana asks with a skeptical raise of her eyebrow, “You all went to school together, right?”

“Yeah… Something like that,” You say lightly, “Jin kept in touch with all of them. I didn’t.”

You leave it at that and Sana knows not to press further.

“They’re all nice guys. I always had fun with them,” You say fondly, “You will, too.”

“Cheers to that,” Sana grins, “We look hot. Let’s take a picture.”

“Should we send it to our boss,” You roll your eyes.

“Yeah, that would send him off the deep end. He’d be here in five seconds, dragging us out by our ears,” Sana rolls her eyes as well with a laugh.

You try your best to make Sana feel as comfortable as she can with you. At least so that she’s comfortable when you go meet up with the guys later. You know it can be intimidating being around people who are so close, but they’ve always been welcoming.

It begs the question- why did you let them all go?

You don’t have time to unpack all of that. By the time Jin texts you, telling you to come to his suite on the eighteenth floor, you and Sana are three drinks and two shots in.

You’ve drank more in the last two days than you have in the last year alone. At least that’s what it feels like. 

You make sure to take your hotel card, phone and wallet and ensure that Sana does as well. Giggles erupt from the both of you when you enter the elevator, and excitement thrums in your veins. The liquid courage bouncing around in your veins makes you feel relaxed and you tug Sana’s hand out of the elevator once the steel doors open.

You text Jin from outside his door, you can already hear the loud peals of laughter and the beat of music through the walls. You wonder if they’ve gotten any noise complaints yet, but probably not- his room is the only one on this side of the hotel. He probably did this on purpose.

When he doesn’t answer your text, you decide to knock obnoxiously and Sana giggles at your impatience. On your fifth knock, the door swings open and you see Jin’s tipsy face complete with reddened cheeks and his broad smile. 

He hugs you like he hasn’t seen you in years, he even lifts you off of the ground a little bit. Your heart flutters with affection for him as you whine for him to put you down.

“Jin!” You shriek, “At least go inside, dummy- stop embarrassing me-”

He finally puts you down and holds you by the shoulders to take you in. His eyes are sharp and he says nothing as he assesses your outfit, apparently deeming you as acceptable as he waves you inside. He says hello to Sana, who returns his mellowed out hug graciously.

Jin hands you both full cups, and you trust Jin enough to know it’s a yummy but strong drink. You grip your cup tighter and allow Sana to go in front of you. The last thing you want is for her to feel left out, so you want the guys to be introduced to her first.

Besides, they all already knew you.

Jin does the introductions quickly, the guys all warming up to Sana and bringing her in for hugs as well. Her cheeks are flushed, and you knew she’d feel flustered. They’re intense in their friendliness and it would make anyone feel flustered and warm.

And then their eyes land on you and you wish you could melt into the floor. Six pairs of eyes stare back at you- apparently Yoongi had also decided to come as well. 

College reunion indeed.

You stay close to Jin, offering them a weak wave of your fingers and a smile. 

“Hello boys,” You say dramatically,  “Long time no see.”

“Jin’s been hiding you all to himself, hasn’t he?” Jimin says, not bothering to hide the way he’s looking at you. And you don’t mind, not really- you know you look good.

“I just saw you this morning. When I picked your sorry ass up from the airport,” You reply and Jimin pouts at you as everyone around you laughs at his expense. 

“Still so mean,” Jimin murmurs and you roll your eyes.

And with that, alcohol continues to flow as the chatter continues on.

You cast another glance to Sana, making sure she’s not by herself. You relax when you see her talking to Yoongi and Hoseok, smiling to yourself at how quickly she takes to them.

“Hey pretty,” Jimin says, seeing you near the alcohol and joining you.

“Hey you,” You parrot back and he smiles at you in that sweet, disarming way, “Want a drink?”

“You always made the best drinks,” Jimin says, handing his cup over to you. You ignore the way your chest tightens at his use of past tense.

“Maybe you just never knew how to make drinks,” You murmur, “Probably still don’t, huh?”

Jimin laughs lightly at that as a silence falls between you both. “You look good,” Jimin exhales, “You doin’ alright?”

You never know what to say to that. “Yeah. You look good, Jimin. You doin’ alright?” 

“Yeah. I’m still in Seoul at the dance school. Don’t be such a stranger,” Jimin murmurs and before you can protest, he pokes your forehead affectionately. 

“You’ll ruin my makeup,” You complain but give him a small smile, “Jimin. ‘M glad to see you. All of you.”

Jimin looks like he wants to say something more. But he bites his tongue. This isn’t the place to pick a petty fight, so he lets it go. Jungkook approaches you both, resting his arm on Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin groans dramatically and Jungkook only offers him a smile and a giggle.

“Cup’s empty,” Jungkook says, wiggling his cup to both of you, “Stop hoggin’ the alcohol.”

“Blame Jimin. Everything’s his fault,” You tease and Jimin rolls his eyes at you both.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jungkook grins and Jimin slips out from under Jungkook with another roll of his eyes. “Hey, you met Taehyung yet? My roommate? You ‘member him?”

His eyes are slick with alcohol, and yet they still sparkle at you like you hold all of the answers to the universe in them. He has this way of making you feel like you’re the only person in the world. It unnerves you, like many things about him do.

“No, where is he?”

Jungkook shouts for Taehyung to join him and you wince. All of a sudden his sandy haired roommate pops up from the direction of the living area and joins you at the drinks table. He looks a far cry from the boy you had driven home that night many years ago.

You knew being in the presence of so many attractive people was going to kill all of your brain cells by the end of the night.

Taehyung calls your name and nerves seize you inexplicably. 

“You remember me?” The words escape your lips before your brain has a chance to stop them.

“Course I do? The pretty girl who saved Kook and I at that one bar that I’m still banned from?” Taehyung grins, his eyes sweet and sincere.

“Jin was with me too, don’t forget him,” You say dryly, “Nice to see you again after all this time. And you’re Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Unfortunately,” Jungkook chimes in, earning him a laugh from you.

Taehyung is magnetic when he speaks to you, honey dripping from his tongue as he tells you about his journey as an aspiring art museum curator. Passion lights up his dark irises, his smile matching the intensity of it and you’re certain he has this effect on everyone he speaks to. They’re both so close to you, in your bubble and the scent of their cologne wafts into your nose. 

You drink more. You don’t know how to cope with all of this. So you drink.

Jungkook tells you that they’ve been roommates all through graduate school and they had recently moved into a new, bigger place. Now that they were both making a little more money. You find yourself benignly jealous of the life they live- two close friends living together and living for these kinds of nights with their other close friends. The bond they built and strengthened over the years is obvious in the way Taehyung holds Jungkook close, the way Hoseok lights up the entire room and makes everyone smile just because he’s smiling, the way Yoongi and Jimin bicker like an old married couple… Namjoon has already slotted himself within the group. Jin probably introduced him to them a while back, you realize.

Jungkook excuses himself to use the bathroom, leaving his cup next to Taehyung on the table. Taehyung’s gaze makes you nervous- the shift in his eyes is apparent as he lazily rakes his eyes over you.

“Kook told me he was workin’ with you again,” Taehyung murmurs, “What he didn’t tell me was how pretty you are.”

“What a line,” You say flatly and roll your eyes. To your surprise, he laughs, his smile making you smile as well.

“Just bein’ honest,” Taehyung shrugs, “‘Snot everyday you see our hot grad school girl after five years.”

“You’re full of it,” You roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully, “‘Our?’”

“Jungkook was-” Taehyung starts but he’s interrupted by the man himself. Jungkook was what?

“You talkin’ about me?” Jungkook says, elbowing Taehyung. Taehyung only shakes his head and hands him his cup, before excusing himself. He throws you another charming smile and if you weren’t so on edge, your knees might have buckled.

“He’s…” 

“A pain in the ass?” Jungkook supplies, “Yeah.”

“No, I was gonna say he’s interesting,” You laugh. A short silence settles between you both, giving you a moment to really take him in. You itch your chin nervously before pushing your lips to the rim of your cup and watching him.

You’ve always known that Jungkook was somehow handsome, sexy and cute all at the same time- wide, doe eyes, pinchable cheeks, pretty smile, and then his body… His thighs strain against the tight material of his pants and you’re certain it’s deliberate. His button up shirt is loose but still molds to his muscles in that way where it leaves you wanting more. His shirt is buttoned at the elbow, giving you a peek to the smattering of tattoos on his forearm. His dark hair is parted in the middle, all soft and shiny, and a little long. It settles over his forehead, almost in his eyes, effortlessly. Two hoops in each ear glint in your direction and you swallow nervously.

Jungkook catches you looking at his tattoos- how ironic, considering he’s doing the same of you. The satin black top you’re wearing has a plunging neckline, giving him a view of the tattoos stemming from your upper arm to your clavicle.

It also offers him a teasing hint of your bare chest where if you turn to the side just a little, he catches a glimpse of even more. It makes him swallow, just as nervous as you. The top itself is loose, only cinched a little at the waist but your pants are tight, your strappy heels adding even more dimension to your legs.

You nervously twist the layering of gold necklaces around your neck. Jungkook has always thought you were beautiful, but he’s never seen you like this. Not even when he knew you years ago.

“Your cup’s empty again,” You laugh nervously, offering to make him another drink. You don’t know what to do with your hands, wanting to keep busy.

“Oh,” Jungkook breathes, “Yeah.”

He tries to keep his eyes on your hands, really he does. But you bend forward just a little and his eyes immediately flit to your plentiful chest. 

Jungkook thinks he might die, and what a way to go.

You pull away from the table, handing him his drink and he thanks you quietly. Jungkook ignores the way your eyes shine curiously at him, and he buries himself in the confusion fuzzing up his mind.

Jin, to your relief, pulls you away from Jungkook before you can do something incredibly stupid. Like let him burst through your carefully structured walls even further than he already has.

Typically, clubs are not your favorite place to be. The intense crowd, the neon lights, the smoke… It’s all over the top. Usually, you can’t even hear yourself think over the music. Though, you don’t mind the sense of anonymity in such a crowded place. Besides, you’ve heard great things about IBEX, so you’re curious about it.

It’s a huge place, easy for everyone to split up, but still small enough that you can easily find your group. You urge Sana to go have fun with the guys as you order a round of drinks for everyone. As one of the oldest of your friends, you felt that sense of responsibility for them. Even if you hadn’t called them friends in years.

You signal them over once the drinks are ready, catching Namjoon’s eye and beckoning him over. They slowly begin to surround you, shouting thank you’s over the music. Jimin slings his arm around your shoulders as if it’s nothing. As if he’s known you for all this time.

It makes you feel warm. He gazes at you with crescent eyes and a full smile. It makes your heart thump heavily in your chest.

“Cheers,” Jimin says, tearing his eyes away from you and towards the group. His toast elicits a sequence of ‘cheers’ from everyone. You scan across all of them before your eyes inevitably land on Jungkook. He’s looking at you with a smile, the kind of smile that makes you wonder if it’s a smile only for your eyes.

Your smile matches his in intensity, neither of you pulling your gazes away. Until Jin pulls you away from Jimin, exclaiming that he needs to dance with you. His best friend.

The moment passes, and you make sure Sana is okay. She’s conversing with Yoongi now, and he’s laughing at something she’s saying. It makes you feel warm. Again.

You allow the music to pump through your veins as laughter bubbles from your lips freely at Jin’s antics. You entertain him, copying his coordinated movements with his same enthusiasm. You can tell he’s drunk, from the fiery flush in his cheeks and the tips of his ears. He abruptly pulls you close to him for a tight hug and holds your face in his hands.

“Jin,” You giggle, “What you doin’?”

“I love you,” Jin giggles, “Y’r my best friend, ‘n I love you.” He always got like this when you were drunk, so affectionate. You wonder how he knows exactly what you need to hear, when you need to hear it.

“Can’t wait for you t’meet Yuna when we get home,” Jin slurs.

“I’m excited, too-”

“She’s nervous y’know,” Jin continues as if you hadn’t said anything, “Knows y’r my best friend.”

“Jin,” You exhale, “Even if she doesn’t like me, you clearly like her. I shouldn’t matter-”

“No,” Jin says sharply, “Why d’you think you don’t matter? You matter to me.”

“Jin-”

“Stop it,” He silences you and you comply with a sigh. 

“She doesn’t have to be nervous around me,” You finally say.

“You can be a little scary when you want to be,” He teases.

“That’s exactly how I want to be known,” You scoff and Jin laughs, swaying with you offbeat to the music. You stand with Jin like that for a few minutes, sipping on your drink and giggling at his antics.

“Seokjin,” You murmur, voice a little shaky, “I never say it but… I-I love you. So much. You’re my best friend and my rock. I don’t know who I’d be without you-”

“You’d be you,” Jin says without missing a beat, “You’d be scary, intense, kind, genuine, petty, funny and beautiful with or without me, sweetheart.”

Jin sees wetness in your eyes and pulls you in for another hug. “None of that,” Jin murmurs, “Hey, let’s take a picture ‘n send it to Grandma. She’ll get a kick out of that.”

You stand in Jin’s arms, in the crowd of people surrounding you and not paying attention to you. Despite the throng of people around you, it feels like it’s just you and Jin, and your friends in the club.

“Let’s get back to our friends,” You say, “They probably think we’re making out-”

“You would be so lucky,” Jin scoffs, “Only Yuna gets this handsome face.” You pinch his cheeks affectionately and coo at him.

“Hey, by the way,” Jin says, “Not to be totally unprofessional here. But I’m pretty sure Jeon Jungkook has the hots for you. Kid won’t stop lookin’ at you. Not that I can blame him, I mean look at your tits.”

With that statement, Jin walks away from you, leaving you confused and curious- two words becoming increasingly common with your thoughts of Jeon Jungkook.

“Hey pretty,” comes a sweet voice to your right side. You already know it’s Jimin before you meet his sincere eyes.

“Hey you,” You reply, “Wanna dance? We used to always be in sync.”

If Jimin is surprised he doesn’t show it. He only takes your drink and finishes it, placing it on a high table near you. He walks behind you, a hand on the small of your back as you weave through the crowd easily. Bodies push back into you but you only dance along with them to move past. Jimin pulls you closer to him once he finds a spot, pulling you into his side. He turns you so that you’re facing him, the lights of the club illuminating the sheen of his lips and the shine in his eyes. You push a stray strand of his silver hair back behind his ear.

“I meant it you know,” Jimin murmurs, for your ears only, “You look good.” You lean into him at his praise, a hand on his chest. Your nails press into the soft material of his dress shirt and he tightens his grip around your waist, thumbs rubbing circles. 

“You do, too,” You reply easily, “You always did.”

Jimin scoffs but you look at him earnestly. “I mean it,” You say with a smirk, mimicking his words. He says nothing, only holds you and rolls his hips into yours to the beat of the music. He watches you carefully, trying to gauge your reaction. You snake a hand to the base of his neck and lightly scratch as he presses his nose to your neck. You’re lucky he’s holding you tight- you’re certain you’re knees would buckle if it weren’t for him.

It’s been years since anyone danced with you like this. You let out a soft sound into his skin and Jimin groans, pressing his hips into yours even more slowly if possible.

“Why’d you leave,” Jimin breathes into your skin, “Missed you. Missed my friend.”

“I was a mess,” You mutter, “I’m still a mess.”

“You’re here now?” He asks, looking at you with big eyes. Jimin cups your face tenderly, and you’re not sure how many of these kind touches you can take for one night.

“Yeah,” You say faintly, “I just… couldn’t. I still can’t.”

You won’t apologize for mending your own cracks the way you needed to. And Jimin knows that. “Don’t be a stranger,” Jimin says and pulls you in for a hug.

“Jimin,” You mumble, “I missed you, too.”

Barely stifling a yawn, you look around for your group. They’re all within eyesight of you- Sana and Yoongi were still engrossed in conversation with each other, Namjoon with Jin, Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyung with Jungkook. Taehyung casts a look over to you and immediately whispers to Jungkook. It shouldn’t surprise you that they both saunter over to you, standing on either side of you. Taehyung wraps an arm around your shoulders and leans against you as if you’re old friends. At this angle, you can see the expanse of his tanned, golden skin since the top few buttons of his shirt are popped.

“See somethin’ you like?” Taehyung asks coyly with a wink.

“No, just wondering why you’re wearing tinted aviators inside,” You mutter, pointing at him, “You look like an asshole.”

Taehyung laughs, throwing his head back good-naturedly, “You clearly don’t know fashion. You must think you’re hilarious.”

Before you can retort, a yawn overtakes you. “Are we boring you?” Jungkook teases.

“No, ‘m just tired,” You blink to force yourself to stop yawning, “Hey, you guys wanna get ice cream?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says instantly.

Taehyung nearly snorts but agrees. By the time you and Jungkook say your goodbyes, and you ask for the tenth time if Sana wants to come with you (she declines, opting to stay with Yoongi), Taehyung is nowhere to be found. Jungkook rolls his eyes, his phone vibrating with a text from him-

taehyung: you’re welcome 

“Tae’s not coming,” Jungkook says slowly, wondering if you might change your mind if it’s just you two getting ice cream.

You shrug, “His loss. I know a great place.”

Taking Jungkook to one of your favorite ice cream places that you used to come with Appa to feels intimate. But it feels right and you’re not bothered by it. Once you buy your respective cones (you pay for both before Jungkook can even fumble for his card), you head back outside for a short walk towards the hotel.

The ice cream place itself was close to the hotel, though you had to Uber here from the club. It’s a nice night for a walk, a little chilly but not uncomfortably so. You and Jungkook fall into an easy conversation, talking about the silliness of your shared friends.

He looks nice under the moonlight, you decide. A light breeze lifts his hair up briefly before it flawlessly settles over his forehead.

“I can’t keep up with you,” Jungkook whispers, his words carrying into the night air.

“What do you mean?” Your heart picks up immediately at the anguish in his tone. The air between both of you shifts immediately. What was easy becomes hardened, the space between suffocating you. You can physically see him pulling away from you. Months, or maybe years, of frustration seems to be coming to a head right here. Right near your favorite ice cream shop.

“One sec you hate me. The next, you’re asking me to get ice cream with you,” Jungkook says, something familiar and icy curling in his brown irises. It always looks so off-putting, the callousness in his eyes. It seems to be directed at you so often these days.

“I don’t hate you-”

“You avoided me for 2 and a half months. You’re only talking to me now because you have to!”

“That’s not true-”

“Oh, really? You telling me that you the last two and a half months was all in my head?”

You stay quiet, because he’s not wrong.

“That’s what I thought,” Jungkook says to himself, tearing his eyes from you. The cold look in his eyes has returned and it makes your heart ache. He can’t look at you like that, you can hardly bear it.

“I’m fucked up, I get it. Don’t think I don’t get it-”

“You left. Without a goodbye and now fuckin’ five years later- my dream girl’s my colleague and she hates me.”

A sudden, chilling epiphany douses you- he has no idea why you left. You know him well enough to know that he’ll feel awful once you tell him. Apparently none of his friends had told him. Maybe they thought it was your story to tell. It’s not much of a story, not really. It’s the story of a heartbroken girl with commitment issues.

Your face drops. Maybe he’s hurting you the same way you hurt him. But it changes nothing.

“You can’t even look at me now!”

“You listen to me, Jungkook,” You hiss, “I’m not your dream girl. I’m nobody’s dream girl, so let’s get that straight. I’m awful a-and terrible and mean- and… 

“My dad died,” You finally whisper, “Appa died and I couldn’t handle grad school so I dropped out. Dropped off the face of the earth. Got the first job I could, for Grandma and me. 

“I fuckin’ dropped out, my daddy died and I can’t look at you sometimes because it fuckin’ reminds me of when I was happy and I can’t chase that feeling because I don’t know what it feels like anymore!”

Jungkook’s eyes are wide, pretty pink lips parted in speechlessness. Fuck. You’ve ruined any chance at friendship with him, you know that. So you bury the dagger even further in whatever this is and you turn on your heel and run. Because that’s all you’re good at. Running. Your eyes are blurry with freely falling tears and the sound of your own heaving sobs are loud in your ears. 

You leave your heart out on the streets of Tokyo, near your favorite ice cream shop but you don’t even hear the sound of Jungkook chasing after you.

[jokerfan99]

My Top 10 Favorite Anime Heroines by DarkChild316

Being a hero isn’t easy, but someone’s gotta do it! And these ladies have shown to be just as capable as their male counterparts. Now I’ve already done a list showing everyone “My Top 10 Anime Villainesses”, but I figured: “Hey the good girls deserve some love too,” so I decided to give you guys my list of my Favorite Anime Heroines as well. So, with that in mind, here’s my list:

#10. Saeko Busujima (Highschool of the Dead): This is an anime that will give you plenty of two things in abundance…boobs and zombies! While it may seem like your run-of-the-mill apocalyptic fanservice anime, among the well-proportioned ladies is this kendo warrior who’s more than capable of holding her own against any foe and would fit right in with even the most old-school samurai-themed anime. When the dead start to walking most of the cast usually reach for a form of firearms, not this lady who prefers to slice apart the undead with the greatest of discipline and precision, whether it be with her signature bokken or her deadly Murata-tou sword. There’s no denying that Saeko’s the ideal companion we’d want on our side for a zombie apocalypse.

#9. Touka Kirishima (Tokyo Ghoul): Living as a ghoul isn’t easy, especially when you’re trying your damnest to retain what little remains of your humanity. Starting off as a cold, yet collected individual, Touka found shelter in both the horrors of her dark past and her constant hunger for flesh in her day job at a café as a waitress which serves other ghouls and as a hangout stop for ghouls. While she grew warmer as her relationship with one Ken Kaneki grew, she’s not without her bestial side, possessing an abject hatred for the CCG after they killed her parents. In a series where everyone seems to be on the edge of insanity and turning into a rampaging, bloodthirsty monster, Touka is one of the few characters genuinely fighting for a chance at a peaceful life.

#8. Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist): Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye is undoubtedly one of the best female anime characters of all time and for good reason, she is truly the perfect soldier. As both an Amestrian State Military’s officer as well as Colonel Roy Mustang’s bodyguard, Riza Hawkeye is a dangerous sharpshooter and firearms specialist. From the outside she can seem strict and even a little cold, but those close to her know that there’s much more to her than her strict no-nonsense attitude, including a courteous nature in the presence of her allies and a desire to protect those she holds dear. Beneath the strict persona is a kind soul who understands the difficulty of carrying a heavy burden and let’s not forget…she’s a true badass in every sense o the word!

#7. Erza Scarlett (Fairy Tail): She went from child slave to arguably one of the strongest mages in all of Fiore. All while battling against S-Class mages, terrifying demons, and even her own psychotic mother, now that’s dedication folks! Forced by her possessed childhood friend to build the Tower of Heaven, she manages to escape her captivity and make her way to Fairy Tail, where she would soon rise to become one of Fairy Tail’s youngest S-Class mages and one of the most truly badass fighters in Fairy Tail’s ranks. With her magical ability known as Re-Quip, she has an unlimited number of weapons and armors at her disposal, each possessing their own devastating abilities. She’s a stoic warrior with a soft heat and a dark past, and you can bet your ass that she’ll fight to defend her Nakama to the bitter end.

#6. Ryuko Matoi (Kill la Kill): Her choice of armor may be a bit on the revealing side but going against this rebel isn’t the smartest idea if you value your life. You’re not likely to find a more stubborn soul in this absolutely whacky series and trust me…NONE of these characters are on the subtle side of things. In search of her father’s killer, Ryuko takes up the sentient life-fiber uniform Senketsu, and openly battles the dictatorship that is the Student Council. Stubborn as hell, Ryuko will always stand up to anyone who gets in her way, no matter how badly the odds are stacked against her. How can you not love someone with that kind of drive!

#5. Saber (Fate/stay night): Before she became a hero in the endless Holy Grail Wars, Saber was actually Artoria Pendragon, known throughout history as King Arthur, the mythical King who united Britain. As the Saber-class servant, Artoria generally tries to hide her identity in battle by using an invisible sword. When pushed, she can brandish Excalibur instead though, a sword she wields with unmatched skill and can do long-range attacks as easily as close-range. With her holy sword, and her “Mana Burst” ability, she is one of the most powerful Servants. Saber is loved by fans worldwide for good reason: she is kind, valiant, and fierce, all traits that make for one divine heroine. None would mind putting the fate of the world in this blonde beauty's hands.

#4. Mikasa Ackerman (Attack on Titan): Attack on Titan's Mikasa is one of those reserved, stoic characters who doesn't speak very often and seems to be stuck in her own head. After all the trauma she’s experienced living under the looming terror of Titans and the carnage she witnessed while part of the Survey Corps, not to mention the brutal murder of her biological parents by criminals, it would be difficult to come out unscathed. Perhaps it’s endurance that is one of Mikasa’s most relatable traits. Despite her often-cynical comments about the world around her, she manages to retain her humanity. Mikasa herself said, “This world is cruel. And yet... so beautiful.” The stereotypical boy-saves-girl gender roles that play out in media are also very much reversed when it comes to her relationship with Eren, which is a refreshing and welcome change of pace to see, though her protectiveness of him seems a little unhealthy at times. On top of everything mentioned, she’s also totally ripped.

#3. Asuka Langley Soryu (Neon Genesis Evangelion): I just couldn’t leave out Neon Genesis Evangelion’s Asuka Langey Soryu from this list of awesome female protagonists. Asuka is a classic anime heroine and remains beloved by fans of the show to this day. Asuka is an American teenage girl who serves as an Eva pilot for the Evangelion Project and pilots the Evangelion Unit-02. Asuka was raised in Germany and often swears in German. She was a child prodigy with a college degree at only fourteen years old, but definitely has her human flaws. She has a temper and is obsessed with being the best at everything she does. Despite these flaws, Asuka is hilarious in her own way and has the kind of confidence and pride you rarely see in a young girl. She knows she can do her job well and isn't afraid to tell you about it. Asuka is relatable in that she is stubborn and often has a hard time properly expressing her feelings and vulnerability to others. Her eventual nervous breakdown shines a light on her humanity-- she is not a perfect person and she is still a child forced to do a job that no child should be forced to do.

#2. Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell): Major Motoko Kusanagi is one of the primary protagonists of the popular Ghost in the Shell franchise of manga, films, and animated series. Motoko is a cyborg who works as a field commander for Public Security Section 9 on the Japanese National Public Safety Commission. Motoko is a very physically strong and incredibly intellectual who that is quick-witted and an excellent hacker. But put a firearm in her hand, and she’s especially deadly. As a child, Motoko was comatose following an airplane accident. After her health began to steadily decline, her consciousness was put into a  "full-body prosthesis,” an augmented-cybernetic human body. Motoko causes us to question exactly what makes us human. She is an emotional, stoic, strong woman who fights for the citizens she protects, yet she lives inside an artificial body. But her greatest use is as a platform to speak on the nature of humanity in a technological age. She's a human mind that has been stuck in an artificial body since childhood, and her life and trials bring up the age-old question, "What does it mean to be human?"

#1. Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon): You really can’t have a list of awesome female protagonists without including everyone’s favorite schoolgirl superhero: Usagi Tsukino from Sailor Moon. Usagi is the embodiment of an empowering female in anime in her fearless display of conventional femininity without any implied weakness. Usagi is your typical teenage girl who is all about her friends, food, and cute things, while simultaneously being a badass heroine who cleanses the streets of evil. In the original manga and anime, Usagi was portrayed as reluctant to be a superhero and would often run away from fights and be a crybaby. However, through her careful character development, Usagi becomes a brave, reliable, and confident person who cares deeply for her friends. She becomes a better version of herself without stereotypically “shedding” her girliness. Instead, her femininity becomes a defining feature of hers, deconstructing the idea that being girly makes you weak. On the contrary, Usagi’s girliness makes her funny, relatable, and a good role model for young girls. Usagi set the template for a generation of female heroines for generations to come, and it’s for that reason why she’s well-deserving of my #1 ranking on my list.

So that's my updated list, what did you guys think about it? Love it, hated it? Go on and tell me what you think and let me know who your favorite anime heroines are. See you soon!

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/darkchild316

[fizzingwizard]

We got episode 3 “Into the Digital World”! And the good news is we are still Very Much at it with the Taishiro lol

This pic pretty much sums up the whole episode for me:

❤️!

Spoilers under the cut...

So let’s knock the most important thing off right away, at the end of the ep they DO go to a real digital world!

And it looks like a child’s fantasy... a beautiful natural world full of amazing creatures. I have no idea how similar it’s gonna be to the world we know, though! So far everything’s different, even things that seem the same. Keeps me guessing.

The landscape is pretty intriguing. Looks like a planet/moon on the horizon? And I’m sure that interesting island’s gotta mean something...

But back to the beginning.

So last week, I was all boggled because they introduced Omegamon and Jogress so early. It was easy to think that since they’d started this hype wave, they were gonna keep riding it out, especially with Hikari and Takeru seeming to receive magic feathers and all. Well, that’s not really how it goes down.

The battle is very quiet, with few words - none at all from Taichi or Yamato until Koushirou gets their attention. I am not 100% sure about this, but from the way Taichi looks to the side when an attack comes his way and Omegamon then takes it out, I think it might mean Taichi and Yamato have some mental work of their own to do to help Omegamon fight and that’s why they’re so quiet. But that’s just a thought. I do love the idea that the kids’ ties to their Digimon have more of an affect on their ability to battle than just their evolutions.

One thing a Jogress does is make you glow. Yeah yeah, we glowed before too. No, I mean GLOW.

Like, nonstop.

Also, I have figured out that Taichi and Yamato must have suction cups on their shoes and that’s how they don’t fall off Omegamon while he’s hurtling all over the place

Cue awesome rock version of the theme song battle music!! Omegamon kills nu!Diaboromon the same way he kills him in Our War Game, with a STAB. But that doesn’t stop the missile. Here I thought would be Koushirou’s turn to shine, but aside from continuing to keep tabs on things, he doesn’t get to join in the fight this time.

Omegamon is somehow able to detect missiles, I guess?

And lock on to the infected one, which conveniently shows an actual lock, is red, and even has the monster’s eyeball symbol. We also see a bunch of Digi code before this.

He absorbs the powers of all the Crests into his sword (!!) ...

(notice they’re still glowing!)

... and stabs it. Because in Digimon, stabbing is always the answer.

BOOM shakalaka

People of Tokyo: Wow that’s bright! I should probably avert my eyes or put on sunglasses. But first, to Instagram!

Thanks, Kouushirou’s computer.

The missle blows up way up high and no one gets hurt. They also don’t seem to care all that much about what this is either! Seconds later everyone’s devices lose power, including Koushirou’s computer. He is very distressed, but the outage doesn’t last long.

Yamato and Taichi’s suction cups finally lose their grip and they fall away into a bright light...

Omegamon became a butterfly!!

It is now certain, Taichi didn’t pull a Kouichi xD He’s perfectly fine. That’s the RIGHT way to get in and out of the digital world at a train station. Take notes, kids.

OK before we move on I must take a second to appreciate these text messages Koushirou receives from someone named Mr.Unknown (gee I’m sure we’ll never hear from him again!)

OMG my life is

WHAT KIND OF REACTION IS THAT TO YOUR IMMINENT DEATH!?!?

“Someone stop it!” Suddenly Japanese (also from Mr.Unkown)

Twenty bucks says this guy is Gennai? Ryou? Wallace? KEN?!

no don’t bet against me please, I have no money.

Have an adorable Hikari, who didn’t get to do anything with the feather in the end. Who knows if she even really has it. She DOES seem to totally know what happened with her brother though. Takeru might know also? But Hikari definitely does. Our little oracle is back.

So Taichi is fine, Koushirou is fine, Yamato is fine. They all get back to the human world safely. Taichi and Koushirou head home, wondering if all that really happened, talking about what could happen next. More importantly, the Taishiro power returns at full throttle.

Koushirou: Do you know about this? This? This?

Taichi: Hmm... hmmm... hmmm.. thinking makes my head hurt...

(Like I rag on Taichi for not thinking but tbh he’s quite the thinker and planner... maybe more so in this season than in the original.)

Gloves returned to pocket. Goggles still at the ready.

Then Taichi reaches out his hand... Koushirou stares at it like he’s not quite sure what to do with it. And Taichi’s like, “Thank you so much, for everything, you were a huge help!”

Koushirou: “But I didn’t do anything.”

Taichi: “You helped so much by doing all that research! You’re awesome!”

Koushirou: :D “Y-Yeah!!”

He agrees that he’s awesome!! My baby!!

They shake hands! They’re such good friends now!

... Then Taichi walks backwards out of the elevator with his hand still outstretched, staring at Koushirou

WHAT

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS!?!?

This show producers aren’t even TRYING to hide their bias hahaha okay that’s the Taishiro fan in me but HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO READ THIS SCENE CMON LIKE!?

So Taichi’s about to go home, and at this point I’m thinking “I guess Koushirou’s never gonna ask that question about camp...!”

Then Taichi is like, “Oh yeah, didn’t you have a question about camp?”

Fricking. TAICHI.

I am absolutely stunned that it’s him who brings up Koushirou’s original errand xD Koushirou himself has completely forgotten about it! (Too busy basking in the glow of being called awesome about twenty times in what this episode establishes is less than an hour!)

Seriously Taichi is SUCH A DAD!? His mom comes home and tells him about her day. Hikari comes over and he pats her on the head and tells her she was brave and did a good job. All he needs is a newspaper and a tie to reach peak Dad-ness.

Hikari: “Thanks big brother!”

Taichi: “...? For?”

So about Yamato... on the elevator Taichi realizes he never found out where Yamato lives...

... It’s Shimane. Grandma’s house in Shimane! Well I mean, they could make it somewhere else, but the point is it’s super inaka countryside. Yamato has a call with Takeru which makes it seem like they indeed don’t live together, as Takeru shyly asks Yamato if he’ll come visit since it’s summer break, and Yamato says he does intend to go to Tokyo and see him. Not sure yet who Yamato’s living with, if it’s still his dad or he lives with his grandparents in this version, or there’s some other reason he’s not in Tokyo...

Yamato also asks if Takeru’s okay, and Takeru replies he was inside all day so he’s fine. That’s what makes me think Takeru knows about Yamato going to the digital world. He might not, but I like the idea that he does. My guess would be he knows because he’s seen Yamato do it or something, whereas Hikari just knows because she’s psychic :P

Then guess what! WE GO TO CAMP!

Only for like, two minutes, though. That was a bummer for me. Camp is just a vehicle to introduce a couple other characters, then they go home. Well, we don’t need two of the exact same show I guess... I’ll just appreciate this as a nod to the original.

First we see Jou! He’s hancho again and trying to tell other kids how to use a knife. He immediately cuts his finger. Good ole Jou I can’t wait to have him back.

Taichi and Koushirou are walking around camp and Koushirou trips due to Jou yelling and basically throws his laptop straight into the air

Laptop: “FREEEEEDOM!”

Mr Superior Reflexes AKA Taichi quickly grabs Koushirou and prevents him from smashing face first into the dirt. GOSH THEY JUST WILL NOT STOP WITH THE TAISHIRO. I CANNOT.

Koushirou: “H-H-Human c-c-contact?!?!?! Is this SKINSHIP”

Like y’all know this isnt my fault right? I wouldn’t have to say these things if the show didn’t make it so durn easy. Bahahahaha.

Guess who catches the laptop! Soooooraaaaa!

My girl is back! She’s got butterflies!

Koushirou says he knows who she is because the girls in his class always talk about how she’s so cooooool!

This episode establishes that Sora is 1) popular 2) well-liked 3) responsible 4) quick-thinking 5) athletic 6) Taichi’s old friend 7) coooooool in like, thirty seconds.

Taichi and Koushirou continue to spend aaaaaall their time together. My one complaint here is that all they do is talk about the digital world. And while I know it’s no surprise, the one thing I always loved about old Adventure was that to a certain extent, the kids got to act like kids. Of course they had uncanny adult wisdom and ability to sit still, lol. I understand that. So far in this show, they’re not really acting like children even a little bit. It’s all superheroing. That’s how I feel at the moment though - the only one I expect to really act like a child is Takeru, and probably Mimi, I’d guess. I do hope we get to see a larger range of personality from all of them in the future. It is only episode three.

Koushirou’s icon is a pineapple <3

So there’s a new threat but it’s not as obvious as the old one. Another power outage happens but they don’t know how important it is right away. Then both Taichi and Koushirou’s digivices start to glow! Taichi runs out, and here we finally got some new personality from him, something beyond friendliness and bravery: He really, really wants to see Agumon again. He’s already feeling the depth of that bond and it’s really been weighing on him that they parted so abruptly. He has so many questions. I would say, Koushirou talked about the digital world non stop because he finds it interesting, but Taichi talked about it because he misses Agumon. (Koushirou after all hasn’t met Tentomon yet.)

Before he can run out, Taichi runs into Hikari in the living room. She’s worried, and she clearly knows what he’s up to, but all she says is “Itterasshai.” I super appreciate that the set up and lighting is the same as these scenes between the two of them in original Adventure! It’s a total throwback to that hallmark ep of Adventure, episode 21.

Unable to think about anything but seeing Agumon again, Taichi runs outside to the train station where Koushirou is (I wonder if the train station is going to become like their base point or something). He doesn’t even notice Sora, but she notices him...

... and in true Sora fashion, immediately turns around and starts chasing after Taichi without a word xD

ugh I will always hate how PINK she is in this

Sora: “Taichi’s running somewhere awful fast... he has that look on his face... he’s going to get into trouble ugh I just know it”

The digivices glow and both Taichi and Koushirou disappear into the digital world. As they go through the vortex, we see a bunch of colored lights...

So this one is clearly Taichi and Koushirou, and Sora as well. My guess is she gets swallowed up as a result of following Taichi.

However, over here we have Yamato, Jou, and Mimi, but why would they all be together? Yamato’s fine, but how are the other two getting in?

It doesn’t seem like Takeru’s joining this time, which is interesting. But I might be wrong - only episode 4 will tell.

Taichi wakes up in the real Digital World and is finally reunited with Agumon. End episode 3 <3

I’m really curious about what’s coming next! I’m still pretty shocked that a Jogress happened so early, but I’m gonna guess now that we might not see it again for a good long while. My prediction is that Yamato’s gonna be more like the lone wolves of other seasons (Ken, Ruki, Kouji, etc) who don’t want to join the main team right away, then suddenly just do. Everyone loves a rogue hero. I am super excited for the whole team to be together though so we can see all those personality dynamics grow! I really want them to not go home for a while and have to live by their wits, but I don’t think that’s the way this show wants to go, it wants the drama of going back and forth between lives... OTOH, we now know for sure that it IS summer break, so I suppose they don’t really have a NEED to go home. Maybe we’ll get a bit of both - they usually go home after, but sometimes end up on a longer stay?

I think what I need most from this show is the rest of the team before it will really feel like Digimon Adventure to me. So looking forward to episode 4!

eta: I totally forgot about the pics I took of the trailer for next week!

Look how awesome this is! This is exactly what I am hoping sticks around for a good long time! We need the partners to bond and we need to live up to the name of “Adventure”!

Since the trailer only shows Taichi and Sora, I wonder if that means everyone’s split up. Koushirou’s light seemed a bit distant from the other two in that screencap up there, so maybe he lands somewhere else and they all have to find each other. Makes sense, really. I’d expected that for the other three but figured Koushirou would be with Taichi... but it’ll be awesome if he has to try to get by on his own in the beginning. Also, so excited for Birdramon!

Bonus: I found a vid on youtube that claimed to have English subs and I clicked out of curiosity... this is what it wrote when Taichi says “Koushirou”:

X’D Koushirou has so many nicknames now. DJ Wiseman, Kou the Bro, Awesome, Taichi’s New God, Godzilla... I love Youtube.

[mamabearcat]

Into the Woods - Part Five

Hey! I’m having trouble blocking out my big ass fight scene - I want it to be awesome sauce, so I’m spending extra time on it. But, because the first half of the chapter is an entirely different pace, I thought I’d let you have that now. So, short chapter, but sooner! Thankyou so much for all the love this fic is getting - seriously, I’m so flattered and amazed. 

Also, a quick explanation - in this AU, I’ve decided youkai age the same as humans until they hit their peak physical strength at around thirty, and then their aging process slows down (makes more sense to me anyway - who would wanna be stuck in their awkward teen years for decades!) Inu’s in his mid twenties, a couple of years older than Kagome.

Tagging my two main cheerleaders for this @clearwillow and @keichanz and also @redflamesofpassion​ @xxracheyxx @mcornilliac@inuyashasnook @cstorm86 @xfangheartx @wenchster

Song inspiration for this one is The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy

I was just an only child of the universe And then I found you And then I found you You are the sun and I am just the planets Spinning around you Spinning around you You were too good to be true Gold plated But what's inside you But what's inside you I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you But not as much as I do As much as I do, yeah'

Cause you're the last of a dying breed Write our names in the wet concrete I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me I'm here in search of your glory There's been a million before me That ultra-kind of love You never walk away from You're just the last of the real ones

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four

 Kagome couldn’t stop smiling as they walked away from the dojo and back down the darkened hallway. She was still scared, terrified even, of the confrontation still to come, but suddenly her whole existence made sense.

 She’d made sure to never reveal to her family and friends how utterly disconnected she’d felt from her life in Tokyo. No matter how hard she’d worked, how hard she’d studied, how hard she’d laughed to cover the existence of that small soft voice, she’d always felt that she didn’t fit. A weirdly square peg in a teeming city of smooth round holes. The discovery that she made sense here in this place was a little overwhelming, but in a good way.

 She tightened her fist around the grip of the bow; it was comforting feeling the roughness against her palm, the weight of the quiver on her shoulders. She had purpose. And discovering it had rather a lot to do with the gruff but good hearted hanyou walking beside her in the darkness. She gave the large calloused hand that was safely leading her through the gloomy hallway a grateful squeeze.

 A sudden thought occurred to her. “Hey Inuyasha?”

 “Yeah?”

 “You said before that you grew up knowing what you were destined for. How did you know exactly?” The gloom was lessening, she could just about see his silvery hair now, and she was relieved. She had always been a little afraid of the dark, and it helped to have something to focus on. She could see his pointed ears swivelling back towards the sound of her voice, and she pushed down a sudden urge to reach up and touch them, find out if they were as soft as she hoped they might be.

 “My father was a Guardian, so I grew up here in this house. There was no way of escapin’ it. And then when I was ten, I was chosen by the Tessaiga”, he said, reaching back with his free hand and fondly patting the axe handle near his shoulder. Light from the onsen was filtering down the hallway now, making it easier for her to watch her step, but in the shadows behind his back she saw a pulse of yellow light surrounding the axe, as if in response to his touch. “The Tessaiga originally belonged to the first youkai that battled alongside Midoriko, and it’s passed down to each new Guardian to wield after they’re chosen. Each generation pours more youki into it – it’s sentient to some extent; knows who the best match for it would be. And it chose me.”

 “Wow!” breathed Kagome. It was so fascinating to learn that outside her regular boring existence in Tokyo there was a place where something this magical continued. Especially now that she had found out that she had some part in it.

 “Was there some sort of ceremony when you found out?” she asked eagerly, moving up to walk beside him now that she could see better. She could just picture it; a crowd of Youkai children all reaching out to touch the axe with no response. Then Inuyasha laying a small clawed finger on the handle and emerging triumphant, holding the axe up over his head with those cute puppy ears standing up straight on his head, a proud beaming smile on his face. It made her happy to just think about it. She was surprised to hear his cheerless sigh.

 “Not exactly”, he shrugged, guiding her past the onsen and back into the main room. “About fifteen years ago, Ichiro and my father were asked to help at another shrine – the Guardian’s never usually leave the shrine unprotected, but a dragon youkai clan moved down from Tokyo causing trouble. The bastards thought they could run some sorta yakuza style drug smuggling operation outa the port in Fukuoka, and it would have been bad if it had escalated to include our area. My father and Ichiro didn’t want to take the risk of a physical attack on the shrine, in case it released Naraku. There ended up being a massive battle with several shrines involved. My father never came home.”

 “Oh, Inuyasha”, gasped Kagome, squeezing his hand gently, “I’m so sorry!”

 “Can’t change what happened. He was a great dad, and I missed him for a long while; still do, but I’ve learned to live with it”, he said, shrugging again. “Anyway, Ichiro made it home relatively unscathed; he’d managed to bring the Tessaiga with him. Said that a choice would have ta be made between me and my brother, seeing we were the only ones left from the original youkai blood line. Everyone was expectin’ Tessaiga to choose Sesshomaru, me included.”

 “Why?”

 He scratched the back of his head self-consciously. “Well, he’s the eldest – he’s nearly ten years older than me, and he’s full youkai. His mother is an inuyoukai, like my father, and comes from a very influential family in Kyoto with a lot of political clout in youkai society. My mother was human, just a local girl from the village, with no other family of her own. My father fell in love with her and after I was born, they got married. Sesshomaru and his mother had already moved back to Kyoto. They’d been divorced for a while before he met my mother.”

 Inuyasha stooped to tip a ladle of water over the fire pit, dousing the embers. The only light in the room came from several covered lanterns which hung from brackets in the wall at regular intervals, and the round full moon rising over the mountain, shining through the large window behind them. Inuyasha’s hair gleamed like polished silver in the moonlight, and Kagome noticed his amber eyes glowed, cat-like in the semi-darkness. She supposed that made sense, seeing he could see well in the dark.  

 “So Sesshomaru didn’t live here with you?” She put down her bow and quiver and picked up the empty teacups and saucers, placing them back on the black enamel tray with the teapot and tea caddy. She followed Inuyasha as he took the tray from her and carried it and the kettle over to a small sink with a hand pump.

 “Nope. Just me and my Dad”, he said, pumping water into the sink and adding the remainder of the hot water from the kettle and a small squirt of detergent. “Mama died when I was eight, from a fever.” He picked up a teacup almost reverently, stroking around the gold rim and over the hand painted image of dainty plum blossoms before he placed it in the hot water along with the other teacup and saucers, washing each carefully. 

Kagome swallowed a small noise - she realised with a pang of empathy that the tea set must have belonged to his mother. She had wondered earlier why such an obviously rough and ready outdoorsy type of male should possess such a thing, but now it was perfectly clear. Spying a dish towel on a hook, she took it down and dried each cup carefully after he’d washed them, placing them back on the enamel tray next to the ornate tea caddy. Smiling his thanks, he rinsed the teapot, and passed it to her for drying.

 “Sesshomaru only came back from Kyoto because Ichiro called him to let him know about Dad’s death. Both a them thought Tessaiga’s choice would be a formality - they were pretty pissed when it chose me.”

 “But why would my Great Uncle be mad if the sword chose you?” she wondered, placing the dry teapot on the tray. “I mean, you were obviously meant to be the Guardian?”

 “Uh…” Inuyasha paused, looking sideways at Kagome, who smiled in understanding and patted him on the arm.

 “You can say whatever you like about him. I only met him once, when I was much younger, and I didn’t like him, not at all.” Kagome hung the dish towel back on the hook and crossed her arms, glowering at the memory. “He came to my Father’s funeral, tried to get my Grandpa to turn me and my very pregnant mother out of my father’s house so it could be sold, seeing my father had left no will. Grandpa refused, and they yelled at each other. I think it caused some sort of rift between them, because Grandpa stayed in Tokyo to help look after us, even though he didn’t really like living in the city at all. And Mama told me when I was older that Papa had moved away from Takamori village because he didn’t like the way the Higurashi family controlled everything.” She startled at Inuyasha’s rumbling growl.

 “That explains a lot actually. He said he wanted to wait until he’d spoken to your grandfather before choosing a successor, but if they weren’t talkin’ to each other at all… keh! It sounds just like somethin’ he’d do. Whenever my Dad wasn’t around, he spoke to my mother like dirt. Misogynistic bastard.” He growled, pulling the plug to empty the sink. “He never liked me either. Didn’t let a day go by without lettin’ me know how Sesshomaru would a been a better choice. He didn’t like youkai much, but he liked half-breeds even less.”

 His eyes widened suddenly and he swung around abruptly, turning to face Kagome. “Wait, you said that he came to your father’s funeral?” Kagome nodded. “And you said that the first time Midoriko spoke to you was just before your father died?” Kagome nodded again, and Inuyasha’s sudden roar of anger made her jump.

 “Fucking bastard!” he yelled. “He would a known! He would a been able to tell that Midoriko had chosen you, and because he was a narrow-minded bigot, he chose to look the other way! You could have been here Kagome, all those years ago!” He paced the length of the room, snarling, clenching and unclenching his fists spasmodically. His voice deepened, his previous pleasant baritone gravel becoming harsh and rasping. “Always knew there was somethin’ wrong. I couldn’t trust him. We never worked well together; our spiritual energies never blended. And he always said it was cause I was a hanyou, that Tessaiga made a mistake. That I was a mistake.” He roared his anger towards the window where the shrine on the mountain was just visible in the light of the full moon. “YOU’RE LUCKY YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD ALREADY BASTARD, OR I’D TEAR YOU APART!”

 “Inuyasha?” said Kagome uncertainly. She felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up in response to the pure rage rolling off him as he paced around the room. She understood why he was so angry. She would be upset too if they didn’t have much bigger problems to handle at the moment. She had to try and help him calm down.

 “Inuyasha!” As he strode past her, she reached out her hand, tugging on his sleeve, and squeaked in surprise as he flicked his gaze toward her with a snarl, his teeth shutting with a loud snap. The sclera of his eyes was a deep ruby red, and jagged purple marks snaked across his cheeks. He looked savage and wild in his anger, ready to hurt anyone who opposed him.

 But instead of doing the obviously rational thing and running away, Kagome threw herself toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist and burrowing her face into his chest. She could feel the frantic pulse of his heartbeat and the vibration through his chest from his increasingly loud growls of anger. The axe on his back seemed to pulse too, a heavy dominating presence against her own, demanding that she submit and cower. His clawed fingers wrapped around her upper arms with bruising pressure, but she refused to pull away.

 “Inuyasha, it’s okay!” she shouted, tilting her face to the side, trying to be heard over his anger. “We found each other, and it’s all going to be okay. Please, I need you to calm down! I don’t know how to do this by myself!” The snarls grew less intense, and the pressure around her arms lessened. She felt Inuyasha’s head drop to hers, his cheek resting on her hair, heard him struggle to calm his breathing. She tried to squeeze her arms around him even tighter, rubbing her face against his chest, the buttons on his shirt hard against her cheek.

 “It’s okay”, she repeated softly. We’re together now. It’s okay.” The growling stopped altogether, and his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

 “Sorry”, he sighed heavily, still trying to calm his breathing. “Sorry you had to see me fly into a battle rage like that Kagome. That should only happen when we’re in mortal danger. I lost control a myself. ” He rubbed his cheek against her hair, and Kagome made a soothing sound. “Kagome”, he sighed wearily, his voice still a low and rasping. “It’s just, for the last fifteen years I was told that I wasn’t enough. I thought there was something wrong with me. And you said before you had felt the same way. And to find out it was because we were meant to connect and had been deliberately kept apart… I’m sorry Kagome.” His hands moved to rub up and down her upper arms gently. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

 Kagome looked up and shook her head, relieved to see the anger fading from his face. “There’s no need to apologise - I’m glad I could help. We’re meant to be a team, remember?”

 She reached up hesitantly to stroke feather light touches over the fading purple marks on his face, smiling a little as a blush flooded his cheeks to cover the jagged lines. “Inuyasha? I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but… before, there was this moment where I felt… like a link… a… a…” Her own cheeks flushed, and her expression twisted in frustration, groaning at her inability to put what she felt into words. She pulled her hand from his face to clutch at his shirt, hiding her face in his chest again.

 “I felt it too”, he said softly, resting his chin on the top of her head. “It was our souls accepting each other as a guardian pair. A bond formed – you accepted me as your protector, and I accepted you as the heir of Midoriko’s spiritual power. It don’t always happen like that Kagome.” A short rumbling growl vibrated against Kagome’s chest. “You only gotta look at how well me an Ichiro worked together to see that.” He swallowed; Kagome could feel the movement of his Adam’s apple near her forehead. “Part of my training was reading the shrine records. They said sometimes, a pair of guardians is reborn, wanting to find each other again. They said it only happens when it was a very strong pairing, a true friendship.”

 “A friendship?” repeated Kagome, unable to hide the slight tone of disappointment in her voice.

 “Sometimes friendship, sometimes… more”, breathed Inuyasha, the blush on his face intensifying.

 Kagome tipped back her head and beamed at him, her eyes lighting up, a blush still pinking her own cheeks. Then she looked at him seriously, standing up straighter and releasing him from her hug. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed herself away from him a little, creating some space between them. “But first, Naraku”, she said in a very serious voice.

 “Of course”, agreed Inuyasha, in the same serious tone. And they both walked over to the genkan, sitting down to put on their boots in a determined way, lacing them tightly, securing weapons, ready for the fight to come. But Kagome couldn’t help the small smiles and glances she continually sent his way. And she couldn’t stop her heart beating faster and the swooping feeling of pure joy she felt when he returned each little gaze with a beaming fanged grin.  

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Part Six

[luna-whiskers]

I think you should add tags :c like #rei #usagi #ami etc... For those who are looking for a specific character (?) but other than that I absolutely love your blog!

Hey friend, I’ve tried in the past to tag every single character. The problem is that every character has three or four possible names (not EVEN getting into how their civilian names can be written with family name either first or last depending on whether you want to adhere to Japanese or western convention) and I could never settle on a single system and I’d forget what I’d used in the past, etc. Plus, there’s ten senshi plus Mamoru in the core cast alone and that’s a lot to tag, and I’ve got about eight years of blog archive I’d have to update.

I DO try to tag some key things, like lesser-known adaptations (PGSM, Seramyu, Shining Moon Tokyo, Sailor V) that are more special interest and a lot of the ships (both for people who want to find ship content and those who want to blacklist them). I also tag pretty extensively on any original posts I make, including liveblogs and manga edits, so you will be able to find lots of content if you look up Sailor Mars, for instance.

So yeah, sorry if this isn’t enough for you, but that’s what I’ve got.

[southboundhq]

MEET NADJA,

FULL NAME › Nadja Nuan Feng AGE › twenty nine GENDER › Cis female (She/Her/Hers) FROM › Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada RESIDENCE › Stagecoach Apartments (Outskirts) OCCUPATION › Bartender at the Coyote’s Howl Bar, Projectionist at the Moonlite Drive-In Theater NOW PLAYING › Lexicon Devil by the Germs

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger warnings: death, murder, gore, sex mention, assault, implied racism, violence, drug mention

▓ ▌now playing : good thing – fine young cannibals

it’s a whirlwind romance, so the journal of nadja’s father would tell of it when her mother finally lets her read it. megan robbie spends her year abroad at tianjin university, hoping to make a new start for her life after the death of her parents. she has no siblings to lean on for support and the once strong childhood and college friendships that had promised permanence and fortitude had failed–crumbling under the weight of complicated grief. megan finds the exchange program that will take her as far away from victoria, bc as possible. northern china connects her somewhat distantly to her mother’s mother, a woman she barely sees in her own features and hardly remembers from her own childhood. megan finds herself falling in love with the coastal metropolis.

guoqiang feng plays guitar and spends his sunny college days reading in the quad. he has long hair and wears oversized sunglasses that megan thinks only he could pull off. they take their first trip during break with some friends down to sanya on hainan island and between the romance of the salty beach air and the hum of anchor beer have the new couple swimming in the saccharine haze of young love. they don’t wait until graduation to get married.

the wedding is a tasteful, small event where everyone remarks on the glow of megan’s soft face, as it shines like the moon–even brighter than the soft cream of her delicate lace dress that floats away from her body in an a-line cut just below the knee. when guoqiang sees her the whole world melts away. in her dark hair, she wears a modern filigree comb and lets her hair cascade over her shoulders in gentle waves. they have never been completely traditional.

no one seems to notice the small changes in megan’s body beneath her bridal garb. it is not long before the wedding that baby nuan grows in her belly–just now the size of a peach pit–kicking with the thunderous force of athena banging around in her father’s head. she is guoqiang’s daughter through and through. when she is born, it is a difficult birth and megan thinks that surely all this pain is worth it. she doesn’t see her baby for hours as she hemorrhages blood and the fundal massage the nurses perform to train her uterus to do what it was engineered to after birth is excruciating. there is nothing she wants more than to be a mother, she thinks, and when she holds nuan in her arms for the first time, she knows she cannot return to work and there is nothing left for her back home in british columbia.

they name the small girl for guoqiang’s feisty mother and megan gives her the english counterpart of nadja and the middle name of her own later mother. in megan’s arms, nuan can never seem to find peace and is quieted only long enough to eat before howling for her father. megan feng cannot understand what she has done wrong, but is comforted by the soft tutting of her husband as he quiets their precocious baby girl, insisting that she is just a fussy child and only seemed preferred him because he was so often at work.

college had worked out well for guoqiang and soon he was working for future tv in tianjin. the train rides home extended his time away as did the occasional afterwork dinner or meeting leaving megan and nadja to themselves for the most part during the week. if distance made the heart grow fonder, time made the heart grow sweeter. megan was full of yearning and though she cherished her time with the fussy, mischievous toddler it soon became not enough. she yearned for stimulating conversation and found herself nose deep in any literature she could get her hands on–eager to discuss the stories with guoqiang as he entered the house late at night with slumped shoulders.

▓ ▌now playing : bela lugosi’s dead – bauhaus

the time comes where guoqiang feng is bestowed with the good fortune of moving up in the company. despite being dead tired everyday, he considers himself lucky even as the dust continues to build on his baby blue fender stratocaster. once relegated to the work week, guoqiang’s long hours continue on long business trips throughout the country. the time apart does not shatter their foundation, but it does take its toll on the young couple. unwilling to let megan and nuan come second to anything, guoqiang makes some important changes.

on most nights, guoqiang starts skipping the afterwork cocktails–coming back home from with a little more energy than before. he starts to plan a family vacation to sanya to revitalize the marriage and get some much needed rest and relaxation. megan takes the news to heart and enthusiastically begins planning their itinerary. there is a new glimmer to the feng household and even nadja seems to be less fussy–toddling around with a smiling face. she takes steps on her own and starts to speak; her first word is ‘cat.’ the fengs get a cat. nadja can hardly remember life in tianjin, but nearly every moment of her childhood includes that cat she cannot name. the gossamer wings of nostalgia obscure so many things.

the fengs are as shocked as the rest of the world when news hits of sarin gas in nagano. it’s a stark juxtaposition when held up against guoqiang’s busy work days in tianjin or megan and nadja playful days in the coastal city of tianjin. the fengs have never been to japan aside from guoqiang’s rare trips to tokyo for business. when guoqiang doesn’t return to his hotel room in tokyo on time from the train to make his night call with his family a year later, it’s the furthest thing in the world from megan’s mind. she’s certain–despite nuan mounting tantrums–that he simply stayed out too late with colleagues following an impromptu dinner. when he never makes it home, megan wonders if she should count herself lucky or unlucky that nadja does not have the words to ask the deeper questions–not yet.

as spring approaches, ushering in the reminders of trips to sanya, megan feng holds nuan firmly in her arms in a dark room. they are all that is left. everything reminds megan of him. guoqiang’s ghost is inescapable and he is present in everything she does. guoqiang’s mother nuan comes to mourn her son, but stays to help a mother and child heal. it’s too much for one woman to carry alone, but despite their grief the two mothers make a go of it together.

▓ ▌now playing : burn – the cure

every grain of sand in bohai bay carries a piece of guoqiang in it. megan cannot breathe in her husband’s shadow and, despite the love she has for her home, she knows it is time to make a new life. the goodbyes are painful, but after she is accepted to study at the university of british columbia she knows that fate has chosen a new path for her. she is blessed to leave with her daughter in tow. the cat with a forgotten name stays with nuan’s nainai in her modest house by the sea. it will be a long time before little nuan looks upon her face again.

nuan starts kindergarten in vancouver, british columbia and struggles behind her classmates. back home she was touted as gifted, if not just a little too busy, but here she feels behind. by elementary school she is taking the bus and walking home to the apartment herself while megan finishes her degree. so many kids struggle with the name nuan, even though it is the simplest thing on her own tongue. she doesn’t get to choose between nuan and nadja; it is a choice made for her by her mother and the rest of the people she comes across. it isn’t perfect, but nadja will look back later upon this time with palpable longing; it’s the only time she remembers feeling happy with her mother because, as she’ll learn in an encroaching reading assignment–nothing gold can stay.

where nadja struggles, megan thrives. majoring in literature, she puts her love of reading to good use. it doesn’t even matter that she has to start seemingly from scratch when all of her credits don’t transfer over. three years into her bachelor’s and she meets professor preston clarke and is immediately enamored by his lecture style. he is, for all intents and purposes, the quintessential cool guy professor. they meet during his office hours and discuss poetry over coffee. the romance doesn’t cross the line until graduate school, when she becomes his teaching assistant. to protect his reputation she drops out of the program and applies for a teaching program instead. megan and nadja move into his tasteful craftsman in english bay. every time preston calls her ‘naddy’ instead of nuan or nadja she bristles; she knows this man has no business playing her father.

▓ ▌now playing : lexicon devil – the germs

as nadja grows so do her problems in school. the letters seem to dance off the page like fall leaves and she is unable to sit still to focus like the other kids. the more nadja struggles, the more megan and preston push her. it only deepens the divide between them. the only balm for her anger is the occasional stretches of the year when nainai visits. it is the only time nadja freely speaks chinese in the household where her mother coddles her monolingual partner. when nainai is there, nadja does not break her toys or rip apart preston’s coffee table books–she runs into the arms of her grandmother and finds the comfort of her father. with grandma feng in the house, the tensions seem to lessen.

there’s an anger in her that is burning, stirring–embers glow now and soon they will be flames. she is talented at finding trouble. she hates her stepfather because he acts like he understands her mother and pretends he understands her. he is holden caulfield. he is jack kerouac. he is a thousand and one tired perspectives. he understands nothing. resentment mounts like bile in her throat and it coats every acrid word she speaks to her mother for choosing a man like him–for choosing that same man every time over everyone and everything else.

it’s the music that nadja channels this anger into. she spends her afternoons skateboarding of messing around on her dad’s old stratocaster. she paints her lips black and clings to anything that turns to corners of her mother’s lips downard in disapproval. nadja tells herself it’s her mother’s choice, this rebellion. it’s the choice she made when she plucked her small daughter from her father’s home and forced her into the hostile canadian soil. in that soil, megan feng becomes meg clarke. she blossoms and grows, building a home in old grief to runaway from new loss. nadja refuses the surname and stands her ground; she will not forfeit her father’s name.

▓ ▌now playing : oh bondage ! up yours ! – xray spex

freshman year brings a new sense of freedom to nadja life. skipping class to smoke cigarettes and crush beer cans under the bridge beats the annoyed sighs of teachers who think ‘nadja feng just doesn’t apply herself.’ when she runs out of cash for smokes or weed at the end of the school day, nadja skates over to the university to bum a few dollars off her stepdad. she’s done it half a dozen times this month alone and there’s nothing to suggest this day will go any differently. as she approaches his office, she zips up the black hoodie she’s altered with dental floss to cover the band shirt beneath as a small act of appeasement.

instead of finding him alone, drinking scotch and contemplating the loneliness his mediocre life affords him, nadja finds him with his hand on the thigh of another bright-eyed literature major–his position as a professor adding an attraction to him that would otherwise go overlooked. she turns sharply on the heel of her black doc martens, storming out to the parking lot to the tenured professor’s coveted parking spot. the silver sedan glistens in the spring sunshine. it’s so close to the anniversary of her father’s death, which has come and gone unmarked yet again in preston clarke’s household. april showers bring may flowers, but in the parking lot it is raining safety glass as she smashes out the windows of the sedan with the trucks of her skateboard. the clarkes have always seemed to be more interested in the status of parenthood rather than the labor love takes. it feels good to break something he loves.

when preston finds out he insists that nainai’s summer visit be cancelled and megan feels pressured to oblige; she has always only wanted harmony between preston and nadja and it seems farther away than ever. the punishment does not serve to temper her into a well-honed tool. nadja anger is a wolf lapping its own blood off the blade of a knife; the meal satiates her, but it is she who is hemorrhaging. she runs away several times before it sticks–never speaking to her mom and stepdad again when she finally manages to get out.

couch surfing with friends and surviving somewhere between traincar and tall boys of steel reserve, she joins a series of moderately popular local punk bands–unable to commit to anything for too long. it builds up her reputation in vancouver’s punk community, however, and soon she has the family she’s always wanted–a large group of friends. nadja casts off her old identity. she is finding her footing in brand new velvet burgundy docs–a kickdown from some drunk girl at a show. they’re a little too big, but with a couple pairs of wool socks, she can hardly tell the difference.

▓ ▌now playing : i love livin’ in the city – fear

by twenty-one, things have picked up for nadja. the girl has split her time between working at smoke shops and alternative cafes long enough to have obtained her ged and now she works the front door at a popular punk bar. at an average heigh tof 5′6″ the fast-talking, loud mouthed runaway has other ways to cut even the tallest men to half her size. her temper gets her into trouble, but her charisma and work ethic keep her employed.

without her parents’ finances, it becomes more and more difficult for nadja to see her grandmother and their visits are relegated predominantly to weekly skype conversations. nainai works with her granddaughter to keep up her mandarin and the girl dreams of returning home and spending the weekdays working in tianjin only to return to the calm beach town where her grandmother still lives in the house she was born in. it seems like a pipe dream, but it is one both women hold onto. it is the only dream either one has left. grandma feng no longer has any reason to speak to her once beloved daughter in law either, but there is no spite. she knows that nadja’s mother cannot bear to have the thorns of guoqiang’s death in her paws for a lifetime. grief is complicated, but better understood by those who’ve lived long enough to see enough of it.

after a few years, nadja becomes lead bartender, but the money just isn’t rolling in. the bar threatens to close and nadja begins taking night classes and setting money away in the hopes that a business degree will legitimize her enough for a business loan so she can buy the place herself. it cements her in bc, but with enough money she could at least afford to bring her grandmother out to see her on occasion. it’s not a homecoming, sure, but perhaps it is a homemaking.

▓ ▌now playing : ever fallen in love – the buzzcocks

like her mother and father before her, nadja falls in love with a boy playing guitar–spitting his own blood on the crowd of the bar like gasoline. kurt is tall and lanky with a padlock securing a chain around his throat. his long, dark hair frames his freckled face so delicately for someone with such an obtrusive frame. it’s not long before the spiteful bartender and the guitarist who lives in his van and calls himself ‘freegan’ to justify dumpster diving cheese pizzas are inseparable. he moves in quickly to her place, more or less because he doesn’t have a stable place to leave his shit when he’s on tour.

it suits her just fine when he’s away playing shows or laying down tracks on a seven inch. the bands slays and kurt and nadja have fun together. they get drunk on forties in train yards and cemeteries. they drive out to the beach and fuck in his van before tagging up the concrete retaining walls of a beachfront housing development. it seems like they might spend the rest of their lives smoking weed and cigarettes on the porch, scarfing down breakfast burritos at three am, and marathoning eighties horror movies like each time is the first time. nadja doesn’t know if she believes in love, but she thinks that maybe this is close enough. her skype calls to grandma feng become spotty in these first few months. it is the thing she will live to regret the most.

nadja becomes lax under the spell of love. coursework does not go unfinished, but she lets kurt hangout sometimes in the bar when she’s closing. eventually, her boss concedes to hire him on as a dishwasher and–though he complains about wanting a better position–he shows up to work most days more or less on time with a fresh cigarette behind his ear and an easy grin. he closes up some nights with nadja or the other bartender–a menacing looking american girl named natasha that bites her nails when she thinks no one is looking and always smells like damp patchouli and sweat.

on a moonless night in december, not long after their one year anniversary, nadja arrives to the community college to see that class is cancelled. excited to return early to the bar and surprise kurt with some burgers and garlic fries, she is crushed to find him in the arms of natasha. the pair are showered in burgers and nadja catches one of them with an empty bottle she isn’t sure she truly means to make contact with. the sound of shattered glass has always been a lullaby to an angry girl.

she’s not even all the way back to her apartment before she gets the call. nadja feng is fucking firedand kurt has given her the blame for the money he’s been skimming from the place on the sly. they’re debating on whether or not to press charges. nadja sells all of kurt’s second-rate band equipment to a pawn shop along with the things that don’t mean enough to carry on her back. she buys a plane ticket to tianjin by way of los angeles that day. with christmas lurking around the corner, it’s the best bang for her buck. nadja leaves her house keys on the empty floor. fuck leases and fuck kurt stevens.

▓ ▌now playing : spellbound – siouxsie and the banshees

the corrosive memories of kurt and natasha’s tryst are far from nadja’s mind as she finishes the skype call with her grandmother giving her the good news. understandably, grandma feng is concerned about the impulsive decision, but she knows her granddaughter well enough. even a girl as rash as a summer forest fire sometimes makes the right choice. they have dreamed of reuniting for so long, it is hard to take the news with anything but a tearful smile. nadja hears it in her voice–it colors every word. for the first time in nadja’s young life she thinks: i’m coming home.

the drive is a long one, but nadja is worried about the possibility of being forced to stay in bc due to assault charges. she can drive down the west coast and breathe in the salty air. she can eat clam strips and throw bread to seagulls in some seaside diner while she watches the tumultuous waves of the oregon coast thrash violently against the rocky shore. maybe it’ll be therapeutic, she thinks, to be one small person along a great, dark sea. a few days more. a few days and she’ll be back in tianjin and maybe she and nainai can get a new cat together. maybe the waves that beat the sands of dongjiang bay beach are softer and kinder than those in the pacific northwest.

it’s a lonely ride down and after three days of reflection and solitude, nadja feels like crawling out of her own skin. it’s too much peace for a girl born of chaos. perhaps it’s self-destruction or maybe it’s idle boredom, but when she sees the young crust punk couple hitchiking on the side of the road, she thinks fuck it, at least it’s something new and pulls over for them. they’re on the way to yuma city and she agrees to drop them off on her way to lax. they seem fine enough. she doesn’t even mind the little blue heeler they have with them, even though she’s a dyed in the wool cat person. the track marks don’t go unnoticed, but it’s nothing new to a veteran of the punk scene and nadja feng can handle anything.

▓ ▌now playing : dead end justice – the runaways

after a day on the road, the trio and their small dog throw down a few bucks to sleep in one of the cabins at a kampground of america. it’s not so bad, but the puppy whines all night and pees on the floor once in the early hours of the morning. nadja lies awake on the top bunk and she can hear the pair talking below her. wes speaking in his dopey voice, hardly whispering and maya shushing him in harsh whispers. nadja eeps her movements to the minimum and her eyes closed after she hears them pause for several moments when she readjusts. she’s certain she can smell maya’s breath for a moment as she hears the bed creak and feels a steely finger in her ribs. keeping her breaths steady, she plays opossum.

it becomes clear to her, once the bed creaks and maya starts talking again that they mean to rip her off. maya even asks wes is he’s ever wondered what it would feel like to kill somebody. nadja’s seen the way he looks at her; he’d die for her. he’d kill for her. boy, have they fucked with the wrong girl, nadja thinks darkly. covers pulled up to her chin. there’s a butterfly knife in her pocket and the shape of it has left an impression on the skin of her thigh. slowly she reaches for it and works to silently unfold it, clutching it to her chest beneath the covers when she’s through. they’re gonna pay. she’s never thought herself a killer, but she’s been a fighter since she was in her mother’s belly. let them try it, she thinks. and they do.

lying in wait, knowing it was coming doesn’t prepare her for what it will truly be like. there’s a fist in her face before she can speak, with the harsh instructions to get up. sucker punched and it’s not even four am yet. helluvah night. the punch stuns her, but she means to be ready. as wes pulls the covers from her bed, she spring on maya like a cat–butterfly knife, formerly a novelty, an aesthetic–arching blood across the cabin walls. maya has to be first, because she’s meanest. the shock will stun wes long enough for her to turn on him even though he’s bigger. somewhere in the darkness, their small dog yelps and paws at the door.

maya is easily overtaken. nadja has the element of surprise and a few inches on her. she wonders what it says about her that she can dispatch a shitty person so easily. it’s not like highlander; she doesn’t gain mystical powers when she sticks maya in the neck with that cheap butterfly knife. all she gets is blood. wes, on the other hand, he’s harder once he realizes his life is on the line. easily, he has half a foot and thirty pounds on her and he gives almost as good as he gets. nadja swallows a molar and take a hit so hard her ears ring, but she doesn’t stop. her whole life has been filled with a rage that she has let out in metered doses. tonight she lets it all out; tonight she knows she can never go back to vancouver, but she can still go home. she doesn’t stop until the dog barks at her loudly to go outside and she wonders if he didn’t trust them either.

they’d named him something stupid, like chaos or dogmeat. he wasn’t a fucking fallout canine companion even if they fancied themselves raiders. heroin and the open road, punk rock and a boxcar–she knows how romantic it all can seem. they probably thought they were mad max or negan. in the end they were just assholes. nadja feng is a cat person, but she can’t just leave this poor dog in the cabin with all that blood. he’s barely more than a puppy. nadja doesn’t know what the fuck to do with a dog, but … he is kind of cute. his blue-grey fur reminds her of an old man’s beard–a little old grandpa–and so the name, while never meant to be permanent, sticks. and so does grandpa, it seems, as he never leaves her side. they’ll have to head east, farther from the scene of the crime and buy a plane ticket from somewhere like phoenix. she chides herself as she wonders how much it costs to ship a dog to tianjin and decides fuck it, it doesn’t really matter. their friendship was baptized in blood, she and the dog belong together.

▓ ▌now playing : there is a light that never goes out – the smiths

the open road at night in the desert has an eerie quality to it and nadja is running from ghosts. phantoms who catch her easiest when she is sleeping, grandpa curled under her arm, in the back seat of her beat up muscle car. she’s never seen a place quiet like this and maybe it’d even be beautiful if she wasn’t alone–lady macbeth on the run. at least the dog’s good company, he doesn’t seem to care what she’s done and long as she feeds him. there’s something kind of nice about the newness of unconditional love.

she doesn’t call her grandmother to tell her about the change in flight plans, not yet anyway. once nainai’s voice sound on the other end, she knows she’ll burst into tears. she doesn’t deserve a grandmother like that, but she knows that an old woman can’t care for herself forever. she can at least give her that. if she can’t give her fat grandchildren and a fancy house on the beach, she can at least be there for her–if only she could find the highway.

driving and coffee, it seems like that’s all she’s known as she focuses on getting to phoenix as fast as possible. inhumanely fast, impossibly fast. it can be an alibi or an escape. there’s no way anyone’s going to believe she was the victim when they see wes’ body. too angry for too long–she’s really fucked it up this time. she doesn’t even google news reports, not wanting to know what might be waiting for her when she finally makes it to the airport and fuck, she can still not find the main highway, but there’s hope in the form of some no horse shithole named boot hill. ahead of schedule from driving like a bat out of hell, maybe she can rest for one night. maybe her demons can’t find her in this place. it’s almost a mirage–the oasis in the desert of cartoon, she thinks. who would ever think to find her in a place like this? the don’t even have a starbucks here, let alone a prison.

before she knows it, it’s been four months. nainai was understanding when she said she’d run into some bad luck and was staying in this small town. she’s just laying low of course, and she promises her grandmother everyday that she’ll be out to phoenix to catch her flight before she knows it. maybe nainai even believes it, because she says ‘my friends in la tell me there was a murder along the freeway there, be careful, sweet girl’ and nadja cringes, because she is not a sweet girl. she’s a killer and a prisoner and only one of those truths is she fully aware of in boot hill.

❝ the only thing i remember from my childhood is when you are scared, make yourself tall. i’m the tallest girl alive. i’m the tallest knife. no throat can hold me. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Chloe Bennet AUTHOR › Lucia

[awkwardbsd]

Whom writer/poet do you like their works the most based on the BSD Characters?

I’ll be honest, I don’t read. I’ll include a few quotes. I have to leave in a few minutes, and I rushed this post. I might edit or add to this later. LET’S GO BEFORE MY COMPUTER CRASHES! 

Over the years, I just don’t think my mental health has done me any good in terms of me being able to read without great difficulty with my dwindling attention span. However, I have read some of the quotes that BSD-Bibliophile posts. 

With that in mind, I happen to gravitate towards:

Osamu Dazai

It’s Anne’s (the admin of BSD-Bibliophile) favourite author out of BSD!

He’s rather cynical and a little bit negative (as expected of Dazai). Here are some of my favourite quotes!

“ All the suffering I have gone through has been because of my own stupidity.” 

— Dazai Osamu, “Villon’s Wife” 

My song having lost its voice, I lived in idleness in Tokyo for a while, and then, quietly, I began to write something - not a song, but as it were a ‘murmur of life’; thus I was little by little led by my work to realize how my writing should proceed. ‘Guess this is about the sort of thing…’ -in this way, I picked up a little something like confidence…

— Dazai Osamu, “I Can Speak”

Guess I came out more or less even. Something lost, something gained. What’s on the plus side here? Well, I danced and sang my heart out for the first time in ages…such are his generally optimistic thoughts as he makes his way home.

— Dazai Osamu, “The Stolen Wen” from Otogizoshi

We will move straight ahead at the perfect pace, neither too fast nor too slow. Where does this road lead? Perhaps, you should ask a growing vine. The vine may answer, ‘I don’t know. But I grow toward the sunlight.’

— Dazai Osamu, Pandora’s Box

Yukichi Fukuzawa

Fukuzawa is the type that gives advice through his writing that makes me think. He gives great advice.

Yesterday’s beliefs may become tomorrow’s doubts, and today’s doubts may melt away in tomorrow’s sun.

— Fukuzawa Yukichi, An Encouragement of Learning

“Both Japan and the nations of the West are peoples who live between the same heaven and earth, feel the warmth of the same sun, look up at the same moon, share the same oceans and air, and possess the same human affections. Therefore, nations which have should share with those which have not. We should mutually teach and learn from each other, without shame or pride. We should promote each other’s interests and pray for each other’s happiness. We should associate with one another following the laws of heaven and humanity.”

— Fukuzawa Yukichi, An Encouragement of Learning

Let us associate with men of truth, and be rid of those who are not.

— Fukuzawa Yukichi, An Encouragement of Learning

Katai Tayama

There are a few more I’m forgetting...

“Life was forever being interpreted merely by what was on the outside. Unless he revealed frankly - no, even if he revealed frankly what was at the bottom of his heart, people would not easily grasp the truth. That was even true of his close friends. He felt a terrible loneliness. He felt acutely the loneliness of one whom no one understood. A sudden wintry blast swept through the trees out to the rear of the temple.” 

— Tayama Katai, Country Teacher 

Atsushi Nakajima

I like his quotes too! I might’ve not connected with as much since some of these come from short stories that I didn’t know the context of.

There are very many men with talent far weaker than mine who have become splendid poets because they devoted themselves to polishing and improving what they had. “Now that I have turned into a tiger, I realize that at last, and it fills me with burning regret…

— Nakajima Atsushi, “The Moon over the Mountain”

Soon the world below my eyes had changed its appearance in a moment. The colorless world, in a flash, had begun to shine with brimming colors. The sun had risen from beyond the eastern rock knoll, which is invisible from here. What magic!

— Nakajima Atsushi, Light, Wind, and Dreams

People change; moment by moment. What strange creatures we are.

— Nakajima Atsushi, Light, Wind, and Dreams

Kenji Miyazawa

I’ve actually connected with a few of Kenji’s quotes.

‘No one knows what true happiness is, least of all me. But no matter how hard it is, if you keep to the path you deem to be true, you can overcome any mountain. With each step in that direction, people come closer to happiness,’ said the lighthouse keeper, comfortingly. ‘I agree,’ said the young man, closing his eyes as if in prayer, 'but to reach the truest happiness, one must make their way through many sorrows.’

— Miyazawa Kenji, “Night on the Galactic Railroad”

Ichiyou Higuchi

Yup! Her writing is magnificent, but I’m sad that she died at such a young age.

How pointless everything turns out. What a life! People are friendly, and then they disappear. It’s always the ones I like… I’m always disappointed in the end. Why should I be surprised, I suppose?

- Higuchi Ichiyo, “Separate Ways”, The Oxford Book of Japanese Short Stories

Chuuya Nakahara

This segment of his poetry.

Spring will come again, people say. Yet I am heartsick. Nothing will happen when spring comes; That child will not come again.

- Nakahara Chūya, “Spring Will Come Again” from The Poems of Nakahara Chūya

[sailorzakuro]

💛 Venus Ranking as of NogiMyu 2019

Yay last one! For this one I’ve been REALLY honest with myself about a couple of people but I’ll probably say this throughout but I DO LOVE MOST OF THEM. LEGIT. K again doesn’t include Super Live or Shining Moon Tokyo!

16. Kana Nakada

SNS. I’m all for loving underrated actresses and that, but...

15. Mayu Tamura

As I said in my video she only had the slightest moments of Minako. And amongst all these queens she just doesn’t come out good.

14. Mizuki Watanabe

Just too cute for me to take seriously. I almost felt ashamed for Ayumi watching her do Traditional The Grace in MGK cos of how sugary she was making it.

13. Kanatsu Nakaya

I really don’t hate her, she wasn’t awful. But again she just doesn’t hold up amongst everyone I love.

12. Miyu Otani

Don’t ask me why but I’m drawn to her Minako. Victim of bad writing lol (I should make that a club...).

11. Akiko Miyazawa

She had crazy Minako and I LOVE Akiko in general, but I always think she suits villain roles more. Her voice suits them so well XD.

10. Nana Suzuki

She was calm, yeah, but again I just like her for some reason XD. SAKURAKKO ALSO SAVED HER she SLAAAAYS in Sakurakko T_T.

9. Erika

From now on I love them all. But with Erika I had to be COMPLETELY honest with myself and put others above her. She was great but others are just better, and I will forever defend Erika because she was so good in my eyes but she just comes in here.

8. Yuki Nakamura

Oh her Minako was AMAZING. Her voice was great too, she’s just down here because of her dancing. I HAD TO PUT HER DOWN FOR DANCING THAT’S HOW TOUGH THIS COMPETITION IS PEOPLE.

7. Momoko Shibuya

Yeah she beats Yuki cos of dancing. THEY’RE THAT CLOSE TOGETHER. Momoko just slayed crazy Minako she was GREAT.

6. Rimo Hasegawa

She did better as Minako but still did GREAT as both. The next one is the exact opposite and I love them both XD.

5. Shiori Sakata

Like I JUST said, better as Venus but great as both. Her Minako could lack a little bit but her Venus makes up for ALL OF THAT and I love her voice and she’s one of the ones who makes early Nelke Myu watchable XD.

4. Chizuru Soya

She SLAYS crazy Minako her talent is underrated and I just LOVE HEEEEEER.

3. Nao Inada

Similar to Chizuru but she has more of a Venus quality about her that makes me ADORE her. I want more of heeeeeeer T_T.

2. Hina Higuchi

YEAH I’M ALSO NOT SORRY FOR STILL LOVING HINACHIMA. She’s my wife she’s my queen she RADIATES Venus and she owned Team MOON (omg as I’m typing this Yokubo no Reincarnation came on SPOTIFY KNOOOOOOOOWS...) Hina just slayed my life and while she is the more popular NogiMyu Venus I WILL NOT APOLOGISE FOR LOVING HER. JUDGE ME ALL YOU LIKE BUT SHE’S AMAZING TO ME.

1. Ayumi Murata

I feel like Ayumi is all the best qualities of all the Venus actresses I love in one QUEEN. Ayumi slays my life and I fucking STAN HER ENERGY. I’ve expressed my love for Ayumi SO many times but it’s still not enough to show HOW MUCH I LOVE HER.

[fiinalgiirls-aa]

GENERAL INFORMATION.

FULL NAME - nuan / nadja feng NICKNAMES - fengoria, feng, nad GENDER / PRONOUNS - she/her DATE OF BIRTH - november 12, 1990 PLACE OF BIRTH - vancouver, british columbia CITIZENSHIP / ETHNICITY - canadian / chinese & white RELIGION - atheist SOCIOECONOMIC STATUS / POLITICAL AFFILIATION - middle class; nihilistic, but liberal. MARITAL STATUS - single. SEXUAL & ROMANTIC ORIENTATION - pansexual. EDUCATION / OCCUPATION - associate’s degree in business; bartender, projectionist. LANGUAGES - mandarin, english

FAMILY INFORMATION.

PARENTS - guoqiang feng ( deceased ) and megan robbie / feng / clarke ( estranged ). SIBLINGS - none OFFSPRING - none PETS / OTHER - pyewacket ( a small, black cat ) that she hasn’t obtained yet in canon, grandpa ( a blue heeler ). NOTABLE EXTENDED FAMILY - grandmother, nuan feng ( her namesake ) stepdad, preston clarke ( estranged ).

PHYSICAL INFORMATION.

FACECLAIM - chloe bennet HAIR COLOR / EYE COLOR - brown / brown HEIGHT / BUILD - 5′6″ / athletic TATTOOS / PIERCINGS - a cheesy dragon tattoo she’s embarrassed of from high school that is on her right shoulder, an A with a circle around it on her right index finger. three lobe piercings per ear. DISTINGUISHABLE FEATURES - several scars across her hands from the time she smashed her stepdad’s windows in with a skateboard. black eyeliner. a trademark smirk.

MEDICAL INFORMATION.

MEDICAL HISTORY - appendectomy at seven. adhd and dyslexia. KNOWN ALLERGIES - lactose intolerant, but largely does not care. VISUAL IMPAIRMENT / HEARING IMPAIRMENT - slight hearing loss in her left ear from too many concerts–uses earplugs now. NICOTINE USE / DRUG USE / ALCOHOL USE - uses cigarettes and alcohol to excess. occasional drug use is limited to marijuana and cocaine. thinks hallucinogens are for hippies and ecstasy is for hipsters.

PERSONALITY.

TRAITS - ( + ) charismatic, robust, loyal ; ( - ) aggressive, sardonic, contrarian TROPES - anti-hero, functional addict, good old fisticuffs, brutal honesty, jerk with a heart of gold ( sometimes ). TEMPERAMENT - sanguine ALIGNMENT - chaotic neutral CELTIC TREE ZODIAC - reed, the inquisitor MBTI - istp HOGWARTS HOUSE - gryffindor VICE / VIRTUE - wrath; diligence LIKES / DISLIKES: music, bar fights, beer, smoking cigarettes all night, movie marathons, sleeping in her underwear, diner food, her cat and dog, sleeping til three pm,  /  people, pop-punk, anything she associates with the term ‘mall core,�� motorcycle clubs, children, dogs ( in general ), conversations, her parents. QUOTE:  ❝ in the company of wolves, they respect i eat first. ❞

FAVORITES.

FOOD - congee when she’s sick, pepperoni pizza, food truck burritos. DRINK - whiskey, black coffee. PIZZA TOPPING - pepperoni. COLOR - black. MUSIC - crust, thrash metal, unironic love of power ballads. BOOKS - comics, amityville horror, some stephen king, doesn’t read much. MOVIES - horror and scifi, especially 1970-present. CURSE WORD - she has a creative vocabulary, but leans on the word ‘fuck’ like it’s a crutch. SCENTS - leather, marlboros, french fries.

BIOGRAPHY.

trigger warnings: death, murder, gore, sex mention, assault, implied racism, violence, drug mention

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : GOOD THING – FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS

it’s a whirlwind romance, so the journal of nadja’s father would tell of it when her mother finally lets her read it. megan robbie spends her year abroad at tianjin university, hoping to make a new start for her life after the death of her parents. she has no siblings to lean on for support and the once strong childhood and college friendships that had promised permanence and fortitude had failed–crumbling under the weight of complicated grief. megan finds the exchange program that will take her as far away from victoria, bc as possible. northern china connects her somewhat distantly to her mother’s mother, a woman she barely sees in her own features and hardly remembers from her own childhood. megan finds herself falling in love with the coastal metropolis.

guoqiang feng plays guitar and spends his sunny college days reading in the quad. he has long hair and wears oversized sunglasses that megan thinks only he could pull off. they take their first trip during break with some friends down to sanya on hainan island and between the romance of the salty beach air and the hum of anchor beer have the new couple swimming in the saccharine haze of young love. they don’t wait until graduation to get married.

the wedding is a tasteful, small event where everyone remarks on the glow of megan’s soft face, as it shines like the moon–even brighter than the soft cream of her delicate lace dress that floats away from her body in an a-line cut just below the knee. when guoqiang sees her the whole world melts away. in her dark hair, she wears a modern filigree comb and lets her hair cascade over her shoulders in gentle waves. they have never been completely traditional.

no one seems to notice the small changes in megan’s body beneath her bridal garb. it is not long before the wedding that baby nuan grows in her belly–just now the size of a peach pit–kicking with the thunderous force of athena banging around in her father’s head. she is guoqiang’s daughter through and through. when she is born, it is a difficult birth and megan thinks that surely all this pain is worth it. she doesn’t see her baby for hours as she hemorrhages blood and the fundal massage the nurses perform to train her uterus to do what it was engineered to after birth is excruciating. there is nothing she wants more than to be a mother, she thinks, and when she holds nuan in her arms for the first time, she knows she cannot return to work and there is nothing left for her back home in british columbia.

they name the small girl for guoqiang’s feisty mother and megan gives her the english counterpart of nadja and the middle name of her own later mother. in megan’s arms, nuan can never seem to find peace and is quieted only long enough to eat before howling for her father. megan feng cannot understand what she has done wrong, but is comforted by the soft tutting of her husband as he quiets their precocious baby girl, insisting that she is just a fussy child and only seemed preferred him because he was so often at work.

college had worked out well for guoqiang and soon he was working for future tv in tianjin. the train rides home extended his time away as did the occasional afterwork dinner or meeting leaving megan and nadja to themselves for the most part during the week. if distance made the heart grow fonder, time made the heart grow sweeter. megan was full of yearning and though she cherished her time with the fussy, mischievous toddler it soon became not enough. she yearned for stimulating conversation and found herself nose deep in any literature she could get her hands on–eager to discuss the stories with guoqiang as he entered the house late at night with slumped shoulders.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : BELA LUGOSI’S DEAD – BAUHAUS

the time comes where guoqiang feng is bestowed with the good fortune of moving up in the company. despite being dead tired everyday, he considers himself lucky even as the dust continues to build on his baby blue fender stratocaster. once relegated to the work week, guoqiang’s long hours continue on long business trips throughout the country. the time apart does not shatter their foundation, but it does take its toll on the young couple. unwilling to let megan and nuan come second to anything, guoqiang makes some important changes.

on most nights, guoqiang starts skipping the afterwork cocktails–coming back home from with a little more energy than before. he starts to plan a family vacation to sanya to revitalize the marriage and get some much needed rest and relaxation. megan takes the news to heart and enthusiastically begins planning their itinerary. there is a new glimmer to the feng household and even nadja seems to be less fussy–toddling around with a smiling face. she takes steps on her own and starts to speak; her first word is ‘cat.’ the fengs get a cat. nadja can hardly remember life in tianjin, but nearly every moment of her childhood includes that cat she cannot name. the gossamer wings of nostalgia obscure so many things.

the fengs are as shocked as the rest of the world when news hits of sarin gas in nagano. it’s a stark juxtaposition when held up against guoqiang’s busy work days in tianjin or megan and nadja playful days in the coastal city of tianjin. the fengs have never been to japan aside from guoqiang’s rare trips to tokyo for business. when guoqiang doesn’t return to his hotel room in tokyo on time from the train to make his night call with his family a year later, it’s the furthest thing in the world from megan’s mind. she’s certain–despite nuan mounting tantrums–that he simply stayed out too late with colleagues following an impromptu dinner. when he never makes it home, megan wonders if she should count herself lucky or unlucky that nadja does not have the words to ask the deeper questions–not yet.

as spring approaches, ushering in the reminders of trips to sanya, megan feng holds nuan firmly in her arms in a dark room. they are all that is left. everything reminds megan of him. guoqiang’s ghost is inescapable and he is present in everything she does. guoqiang’s mother nuan comes to mourn her son, but stays to help a mother and child heal. it’s too much for one woman to carry alone, but despite their grief the two mothers make a go of it together.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : BURN – THE CURE

every grain of sand in bohai bay carries a piece of guoqiang in it. megan cannot breathe in her husband’s shadow and, despite the love she has for her home, she knows it is time to make a new life. the goodbyes are painful, but after she is accepted to study at the university of british columbia she knows that fate has chosen a new path for her. she is blessed to leave with her daughter in tow. the cat with a forgotten name stays with nuan’s nainai in her modest house by the sea. it will be a long time before little nuan looks upon her face again.

nuan starts kindergarten in vancouver, british columbia and struggles behind her classmates. back home she was touted as gifted, if not just a little too busy, but here she feels behind. by elementary school she is taking the bus and walking home to the apartment herself while megan finishes her degree. so many kids struggle with the name nuan, even though it is the simplest thing on her own tongue. she doesn’t get to choose between nuan and nadja; it is a choice made for her by her mother and the rest of the people she comes across. it isn’t perfect, but nadja will look back later upon this time with palpable longing; it’s the only time she remembers feeling happy with her mother because, as she’ll learn in an encroaching reading assignment–nothing gold can stay.

where nadja struggles, megan thrives. majoring in literature, she puts her love of reading to good use. it doesn’t even matter that she has to start seemingly from scratch when all of her credits don’t transfer over. three years into her bachelor’s and she meets professor preston clarke and is immediately enamored by his lecture style. he is, for all intents and purposes, the quintessential cool guy professor. they meet during his office hours and discuss poetry over coffee. the romance doesn’t cross the line until graduate school, when she becomes his teaching assistant. to protect his reputation she drops out of the program and applies for a teaching program instead. megan and nadja move into his tasteful craftsman in english bay. every time preston calls her ‘naddy’ instead of nuan or nadja she bristles; she knows this man has no business playing her father.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : LEXICON DEVIL – THE GERMS

as nadja grows so do her problems in school. the letters seem to dance off the page like fall leaves and she is unable to sit still to focus like the other kids. the more nadja struggles, the more megan and preston push her. it only deepens the divide between them. the only balm for her anger is the occasional stretches of the year when nainai visits. it is the only time nadja freely speaks chinese in the household where her mother coddles her monolingual partner. when nainai is there, nadja does not break her toys or rip apart preston’s coffee table books–she runs into the arms of her grandmother and finds the comfort of her father. with grandma feng in the house, the tensions seem to lessen.

there’s an anger in her that is burning, stirring–embers glow now and soon they will be flames. she is talented at finding trouble. she hates her stepfather because he acts like he understands her mother and pretends he understands her. he is holden caulfield. he is jack kerouac. he is a thousand and one tired perspectives. he understands nothing. resentment mounts like bile in her throat and it coats every acrid word she speaks to her mother for choosing a man like him–for choosing that same man every time over everyone and everything else.

it’s the music that nadja channels this anger into. she spends her afternoons skateboarding of messing around on her dad’s old stratocaster. she paints her lips black and clings to anything that turns to corners of her mother’s lips downard in disapproval. nadja tells herself it’s her mother’s choice, this rebellion. it’s the choice she made when she plucked her small daughter from her father’s home and forced her into the hostile canadian soil. in that soil, megan feng becomes meg clarke. she blossoms and grows, building a home in old grief to runaway from new loss. nadja refuses the surname and stands her ground; she will not forfeit her father’s name.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : OH BONDAGE ! UP YOURS ! – XRAY SPEX

freshman year brings a new sense of freedom to nadja life. skipping class to smoke cigarettes and crush beer cans under the bridge beats the annoyed sighs of teachers who think ‘nadja feng just doesn’t apply herself.’ when she runs out of cash for smokes or weed at the end of the school day, nadja skates over to the university to bum a few dollars off her stepdad. she’s done it half a dozen times this month alone and there’s nothing to suggest this day will go any differently. as she approaches his office, she zips up the black hoodie she’s altered with dental floss to cover the band shirt beneath as a small act of appeasement.

instead of finding him alone, drinking scotch and contemplating the loneliness his mediocre life affords him, nadja finds him with his hand on the thigh of another bright-eyed literature major–his position as a professor adding an attraction to him that would otherwise go overlooked. she turns sharply on the heel of her black doc martens, storming out to the parking lot to the tenured professor’s coveted parking spot. the silver sedan glistens in the spring sunshine. it’s so close to the anniversary of her father’s death, which has come and gone unmarked yet again in preston clarke’s household. april showers bring may flowers, but in the parking lot it is raining safety glass as she smashes out the windows of the sedan with the trucks of her skateboard. the clarkes have always seemed to be more interested in the status of parenthood rather than the labor love takes. it feels good to break something he loves.

when preston finds out he insists that nainai’s summer visit be cancelled and megan feels pressured to oblige; she has always only wanted harmony between preston and nadja and it seems farther away than ever. the punishment does not serve to temper her into a well-honed tool. nadja anger is a wolf lapping its own blood off the blade of a knife; the meal satiates her, but it is she who is hemorrhaging. she runs away several times before it sticks–never speaking to her mom and stepdad again when she finally manages to get out.

couch surfing with friends and surviving somewhere between traincar and tall boys of steel reserve, she joins a series of moderately popular local punk bands–unable to commit to anything for too long. it builds up her reputation in vancouver’s punk community, however, and soon she has the family she’s always wanted–a large group of friends. nadja casts off her old identity. she is finding her footing in brand new velvet burgundy docs–a kickdown from some drunk girl at a show. they’re a little too big, but with a couple pairs of wool socks, she can hardly tell the difference.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : I LOVE LIVIN’ IN THE CITY – FEAR

by twenty-one, things have picked up for nadja. the girl has split her time between working at smoke shops and alternative cafes long enough to have obtained her ged and now she works the front door at a popular punk bar. at an average heigh tof 5′6″ the fast-talking, loud mouthed runaway has other ways to cut even the tallest men to half her size. her temper gets her into trouble, but her charisma and work ethic keep her employed.

without her parents’ finances, it becomes more and more difficult for nadja to see her grandmother and their visits are relegated predominantly to weekly skype conversations. nainai works with her granddaughter to keep up her mandarin and the girl dreams of returning home and spending the weekdays working in tianjin only to return to the calm beach town where her grandmother still lives in the house she was born in. it seems like a pipe dream, but it is one both women hold onto. it is the only dream either one has left. grandma feng no longer has any reason to speak to her once beloved daughter in law either, but there is no spite. she knows that nadja’s mother cannot bear to have the thorns of guoqiang’s death in her paws for a lifetime. grief is complicated, but better understood by those who’ve lived long enough to see enough of it.

after a few years, nadja becomes lead bartender, but the money just isn’t rolling in. the bar threatens to close and nadja begins taking night classes and setting money away in the hopes that a business degree will legitimize her enough for a business loan so she can buy the place herself. it cements her in bc, but with enough money she could at least afford to bring her grandmother out to see her on occasion. it’s not a homecoming, sure, but perhaps it is a homemaking.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : EVER FALLEN IN LOVE – THE BUZZCOCKS

like her mother and father before her, nadja falls in love with a boy playing guitar–spitting his own blood on the crowd of the bar like gasoline. kurt is tall and lanky with a padlock securing a chain around his throat. his long, dark hair frames his freckled face so delicately for someone with such an obtrusive frame. it’s not long before the spiteful bartender and the guitarist who lives in his van and calls himself ‘freegan’ to justify dumpster diving cheese pizzas are inseparable. he moves in quickly to her place, more or less because he doesn’t have a stable place to leave his shit when he’s on tour.

it suits her just fine when he’s away playing shows or laying down tracks on a seven inch. the bands slays and kurt and nadja have fun together. they get drunk on forties in train yards and cemeteries. they drive out to the beach and fuck in his van before tagging up the concrete retaining walls of a beachfront housing development. it seems like they might spend the rest of their lives smoking weed and cigarettes on the porch, scarfing down breakfast burritos at three am, and marathoning eighties horror movies like each time is the first time. nadja doesn’t know if she believes in love, but she thinks that maybe this is close enough. her skype calls to grandma feng become spotty in these first few months. it is the thing she will live to regret the most.

nadja becomes lax under the spell of love. coursework does not go unfinished, but she lets kurt hangout sometimes in the bar when she’s closing. eventually, her boss concedes to hire him on as a dishwasher and–though he complains about wanting a better position–he shows up to work most days more or less on time with a fresh cigarette behind his ear and an easy grin. he closes up some nights with nadja or the other bartender–a menacing looking american girl named natasha that bites her nails when she thinks no one is looking and always smells like damp patchouli and sweat.

on a moonless night in december, not long after their one year anniversary, nadja arrives to the community college to see that class is cancelled. excited to return early to the bar and surprise kurt with some burgers and garlic fries, she is crushed to find him in the arms of natasha. the pair are showered in burgers and nadja catches one of them with an empty bottle she isn’t sure she truly means to make contact with. the sound of shattered glass has always been a lullaby to an angry girl.

she’s not even all the way back to her apartment before she gets the call. nadja feng is fucking firedand kurt has given her the blame for the money he’s been skimming from the place on the sly. they’re debating on whether or not to press charges. nadja sells all of kurt’s second-rate band equipment to a pawn shop along with the things that don’t mean enough to carry on her back. she buys a plane ticket to tianjin by way of los angeles that day. with christmas lurking around the corner, it’s the best bang for her buck. nadja leaves her house keys on the empty floor. fuck leases and fuck kurt stevens.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : SPELLBOUND – SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES

the corrosive memories of kurt and natasha’s tryst are far from nadja’s mind as she finishes the skype call with her grandmother giving her the good news. understandably, grandma feng is concerned about the impulsive decision, but she knows her granddaughter well enough. even a girl as rash as a summer forest fire sometimes makes the right choice. they have dreamed of reuniting for so long, it is hard to take the news with anything but a tearful smile. nadja hears it in her voice–it colors every word. for the first time in nadja’s young life she thinks: i’m coming home.

the drive is a long one, but nadja is worried about the possibility of being forced to stay in bc due to assault charges. she can drive down the west coast and breathe in the salty air. she can eat clam strips and throw bread to seagulls in some seaside diner while she watches the tumultuous waves of the oregon coast thrash violently against the rocky shore. maybe it’ll be therapeutic, she thinks, to be one small person along a great, dark sea. a few days more. a few days and she’ll be back in tianjin and maybe she and nainai can get a new cat together. maybe the waves that beat the sands of dongjiang bay beach are softer and kinder than those in the pacific northwest.

it’s a lonely ride down and after three days of reflection and solitude, nadja feels like crawling out of her own skin. it’s too much peace for a girl born of chaos. perhaps it’s self-destruction or maybe it’s idle boredom, but when she sees the young crust punk couple hitchiking on the side of the road, she thinks fuck it, at least it’s something new and pulls over for them. they’re on the way to yuma city and she agrees to drop them off on her way to lax. they seem fine enough. she doesn’t even mind the little blue heeler they have with them, even though she’s a dyed in the wool cat person. the track marks don’t go unnoticed, but it’s nothing new to a veteran of the punk scene and nadja feng can handle anything.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : DEAD END JUSTICE – THE RUNAWAYS

after a day on the road, the trio and their small dog throw down a few bucks to sleep in one of the cabins at a kampground of america. it’s not so bad, but the puppy whines all night and pees on the floor once in the early hours of the morning. nadja lies awake on the top bunk and she can hear the pair talking below her. wes speaking in his dopey voice, hardly whispering and maya shushing him in harsh whispers. nadja eeps her movements to the minimum and her eyes closed after she hears them pause for several moments when she readjusts. she’s certain she can smell maya’s breath for a moment as she hears the bed creak and feels a steely finger in her ribs. keeping her breaths steady, she plays opossum.

it becomes clear to her, once the bed creaks and maya starts talking again that they mean to rip her off. maya even asks wes is he’s ever wondered what it would feel like to kill somebody. nadja’s seen the way he looks at her; he’d die for her. he’d kill for her. boy, have they fucked with the wrong girl, nadja thinks darkly. covers pulled up to her chin. there’s a butterfly knife in her pocket and the shape of it has left an impression on the skin of her thigh. slowly she reaches for it and works to silently unfold it, clutching it to her chest beneath the covers when she’s through. they’re gonna pay. she’s never thought herself a killer, but she’s been a fighter since she was in her mother’s belly. let them try it, she thinks. and they do.

lying in wait, knowing it was coming doesn’t prepare her for what it will truly be like. there’s a fist in her face before she can speak, with the harsh instructions to get up. sucker punched and it’s not even four am yet. helluvah night. the punch stuns her, but she means to be ready. as wes pulls the covers from her bed, she spring on maya like a cat–butterfly knife, formerly a novelty, an aesthetic–arching blood across the cabin walls. maya has to be first, because she’s meanest. the shock will stun wes long enough for her to turn on him even though he’s bigger. somewhere in the darkness, their small dog yelps and paws at the door.

maya is easily overtaken. nadja has the element of surprise and a few inches on her. she wonders what it says about her that she can dispatch a shitty person so easily. it’s not like highlander; she doesn’t gain mystical powers when she sticks maya in the neck with that cheap butterfly knife. all she gets is blood. wes, on the other hand, he’s harder once he realizes his life is on the line. easily, he has half a foot and thirty pounds on her and he gives almost as good as he gets. nadja swallows a molar and take a hit so hard her ears ring, but she doesn’t stop. her whole life has been filled with a rage that she has let out in metered doses. tonight she lets it all out; tonight she knows she can never go back to vancouver, but she can still go home. she doesn’t stop until the dog barks at her loudly to go outside and she wonders if he didn’t trust them either.

they’d named him something stupid, like chaos or dogmeat. he wasn’t a fucking fallout canine companion even if they fancied themselves raiders. heroin and the open road, punk rock and a boxcar–she knows how romantic it all can seem. they probably thought they were mad max or negan. in the end they were just assholes. nadja feng is a cat person, but she can’t just leave this poor dog in the cabin with all that blood. he’s barely more than a puppy. nadja doesn’t know what the fuck to do with a dog, but … he is kind of cute. his blue-grey fur reminds her of an old man’s beard–a little old grandpa–and so the name, while never meant to be permanent, sticks. and so does grandpa, it seems, as he never leaves her side. they’ll have to head east, farther from the scene of the crime and buy a plane ticket from somewhere like phoenix. she chides herself as she wonders how much it costs to ship a dog to tianjin and decides fuck it, it doesn’t really matter. their friendship was baptized in blood, she and the dog belong together.

▓ ▌NOW PLAYING : THERE IS A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT – THE SMITHS

the open road at night in the desert has an eerie quality to it and nadja is running from ghosts. phantoms who catch her easiest when she is sleeping, grandpa curled under her arm, in the back seat of her beat up muscle car. she’s never seen a place quiet like this and maybe it’d even be beautiful if she wasn’t alone–lady macbeth on the run. at least the dog’s good company, he doesn’t seem to care what she’s done and long as she feeds him. there’s something kind of nice about the newness of unconditional love.

she doesn’t call her grandmother to tell her about the change in flight plans, not yet anyway. once nainai’s voice sound on the other end, she knows she’ll burst into tears. she doesn’t deserve a grandmother like that, but she knows that an old woman can’t care for herself forever. she can at least give her that. if she can’t give her fat grandchildren and a fancy house on the beach, she can at least be there for her–if only she could find the highway.

driving and coffee, it seems like that’s all she’s known as she focuses on getting to phoenix as fast as possible. inhumanely fast, impossibly fast. it can be an alibi or an escape. there’s no way anyone’s going to believe she was the victim when they see wes’ body. too angry for too long–she’s really fucked it up this time. she doesn’t even google news reports, not wanting to know what might be waiting for her when she finally makes it to the airport and fuck, she can still not find the main highway, but there’s hope in the form of some no horse shithole named boot hill. ahead of schedule from driving like a bat out of hell, maybe she can rest for one night. maybe her demons can’t find her in this place. it’s almost a mirage–the oasis in the desert of cartoon, she thinks. who would ever think to find her in a place like this? the don’t even have a starbucks here, let alone a prison.

before she knows it, it’s been four months. nainai was understanding when she said she’d run into some bad luck and was staying in this small town. she’s just laying low of course, and she promises her grandmother everyday that she’ll be out to phoenix to catch her flight before she knows it. maybe nainai even believes it, because she says ‘my friends in la tell me there was a murder along the freeway there, be careful, sweet girl’ and nadja cringes, because she is not a sweet girl. she’s a killer and a prisoner and only one of those truths is she fully aware of in boot hill.

[mmercurii]

Mikoto Suoh’s Natal Chart

I’m sort of making up what time the homra members were born, so Mikoto was born at 8:15am, Tokyo Japan August 13th, 1988. I picked 8:15 am because to me that’s when the sun starts to shine it’s brightest.

SUN- Leo sun in the 11th house

    When a person has his natal Sun in the 11th house, the bright star of our system makes groups and friendships a very important matter in his life. The native shines through groups and feels like a hyper-organism rather than an individual since his perception of Ego also involves the larger units to which he belongs. His “Me” is more of a “We”. https://theastrocodex.com/natal-sun-in-the-11th-house/

MOON- Leo moon in the 11th house

Moon in the 11th House people exercise the same kind of nonjudgmental attitude toward other people, especially those who become close to them. Well, one should say relatively close. These aren’t the types to really be that close to anyone. But, they have an intuitive knack for making friends, usually because they know how it feels to be alone.

http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/2014/09/moon-in-11th-house_2.html

MERCURY- Virgo Mercury in the 11th house

When the eleventh house is set in the sign of Virgo, there is often something wrong with friends this person finds. While in the best possible light this could show friends who are healers, truly intelligent and incredibly dedicated to their cause, in most cases it also speaks of betrayal of some kind and people who aren’t adequate to fulfill a person’s needs. There is always a question of what is truly deserved here, and it is typical for them to consider themselves unworthy of honest social contacts who as similar to them as they should be.

https://www.astrology-zodiac-signs.com/astrology/houses/eleventh/

MARS- Aries in the 7th house

As Mars is a planet with much power, energy, courage and bravery, when it occupies the 7th house, brings enormous aggression and strength in the native.  If you are a person with Mars in 7th house then, you will always try to hold the upper hand in all the cases. Because of your short temperament, most of the time you will get involved in a discussion, that will be turned into a hot argument.

https://blog.astrologylover.com/mars-in-7th-house-for-male-and-female-horoscope/

VENUS- Cancer 10th house

Venus in the 10th house gifts a lot of charm to the native, and even masses can accept his image and bliss quite easily. If Venus is strongly supported by other planets, the whole formation is an indicator of fame. The native’s public image may be strongly enhanced through artistic filters, he is very photogenic and when he appears on screen, he often looks even more beautiful than he actually is. https://theastrocodex.com/natal-venus-in-the-10th-house/

JUPITER- Gemini in the 9th House

Men with Jupiter in Gemini may have a double-edged personality. This is not necessarily bad. The two sides to your Man with Saturn in Gemini could have to do with his two types of generosity—with himself and with others, for example.This man may be very harsh on himself, but forgiving of others. 

https://trustedpsychicmediums.com/gemini-star-sign/jupiter-in-gemini/

SATURN- Sagittarius in the 3rd house

Sagittarius is a very different energy to Saturn. The archetypal adventurer, ruled by Jupiter, the planet of expansion, abundance and good fortune, Sagittarius always falls on his feet. He loves to explore new cultures and is always curious to see things from other people’s perspective. While Saturn is all about order and structure, Sagittarius wants to break out of the box, and is always seeking to expand his ideas about the world, always wanting to learn more.

https://www.insightastrology.net/current-transits/saturn-in-sagittarius/

URANUS- Sagittarius in the 3rd house

People with Uranus in Sagittarius, are not content with how things have always been done in these areas. Instead they bring a fresh approach or a reforming of outdated methods to the areas of education, philosophy, religion. Indeed their concern is within any area that searches for a higher truth or collective meaning.

https://astrologyyard.com/uranus/uranus-in-sagittarius.php

NEPTUNE- Capricorn in the 4th house

Your childhood was likely complex, likely due to an especially sensitive, absent, preoccupied, or confusing parental figure. Early home life may have been chaotic in some manner, and you might have failed to achieve a strong sense of identity and groundedness as a result. You might long for a stronger sense of home, family, or mothering and nurturing in your life. This might lead you to create an extended family of sorts that includes non-family and helps you to feel loved and nurtured. Neptune in Capricorn people need to learn that not everything will work out in their favor. No matter how hard they try to remain in command of the situation, mishaps will occur over which they have no control.

https://www.sunsigns.org/neptune-in-capricorn/

https://cafeastrology.com/articles/neptuneinhouses.html

PLUTO- Scorpio 2nd house

If you were born when Pluto was in Scorpio, you probably have a very skeptical, perhaps even cynical view of the world, because you have been exposed to so much more of it than previous generations. It is very hard to surprise you, and you take most new information in stride, seamlessly integrating it into your understanding of the world without difficulty. 

https://trustedpsychicmediums.com/scorpio-star-sign/pluto-in-scorpio/

RISING- LIBRA

Libra Rising is pleasant and nice to be around… charisma is their middle name. They attract people to them easily. With their charming demeanor and gentle take on life, you'd think their relationships would be smooth sailing. Libra Ascendant usually looks good. They know the best way to walk, dress their hair, and what colors suit them best. They like physical comfort, personal luxuries and anything that is pleasing to the senses. This ascendant can be very persuasive, preferring to use a "soft sell" when they want to influence others rather than a heavy hand. They have a tendency to pass blame when they can so they can keep up the image of being nice. They make wonderful mediators and are very accommodating.

https://www.alwaysastrology.com/libra-rising.html

[brownsugarrilakkuma]

50 questions tag~

tagged by @neochamomiletea

1. what takes up too much of your time? Scrolling through Tumblr, playing Pocket Camp, and watching YouTube videos.

2. what makes your day better? Sushi and talking to my best friends. 

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? The Pizza Hut by my house finally got our order right. 

4. what fictional place would you like to go?  Right now? My camp in Animal Crossing Pocket Camp.

5. are you good at giving advice? I guess so because everyone always comes to me lmaoo.

6. do you have any mental illness? Not professionally diagnosed but I do have family history for a few.

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? I don’t think so. 

8. what musician inspired you the most? This answer changes based on who I’m obsessed with at the moment typically. I’d say the most consistent would be Rihanna. Once I became Navy my loyalty has never swayed. I love her idgaf I’m here to have fun and get paid attitude. She’s also so ride or die for her friends and family and like same. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t mention I literally call my closet the ‘SHINee closet’ due to my posters of Jonghyun and Taemin hanging up in their. Eventually I plan to put more SHINee centric posters up as long as I have space. They’ve inspired me to continue to push through hard times when I’d much rather give up. 

9. have you ever fallen in love? Romantically? Not yet *Baekho voice* WHERE U AT??!!

10. what’s your dream date? I want to go somewhere with good food where we either get to either walk around and talk or be able to sit in the same place until the place is ready to close. 

11. what do others notice about you? My skin and hair. I’ve had so many random women either complement my skin (usually wearing makeup but I guess that means I do know how to apply foundation) or my hair (colored or when I was natural).

12. what is the annoying habit you have? I don’t ask for help.

13. do you still talk to you first love? Nope. 

14. how many ex’s do you have? None. 

15. how many songs are on your playlist? My Cheer Up playlist has 122 song but that’s in progress. 

16. what instruments can you play? None because I got impatient and gave up. 

17. who do you have the most pictures of? As of today I have 272 pictures and gifs and counting of Johnny on my phone and I’m not ashamed of it (cause that’s my mans). But uhhh I also have 100 pictures and videos of my cat Penelope saved on my phone too. It’s up to you to decide which is sadder lmao. 

18. where would you like to go before you die? Too many to list. Definitely Tokyo, Seoul, and Shanghai.  

19. what is your zodiac? Gemini sun, Aquarius moon.

20. do you relate to it? Too well. 

21. what is happiness to you? Being able to be yourself unapologetically around people you love.

22. are you going through anything right now? I should have a royal title by now for all the years I’ve been going through it. 

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? Anytime I decided against  listening to my gut knowing she’s right 99.999% of the time.

24. what’s your favourite store? At first I was thinking either Nordstrom Rack or TJ MAXX but TJ MAXX has a good mix of  skincare, makeup, bras, furniture, and food stuff like teas and cookies from brands you’ve never heard of along with interesting designer pieces. I like the hunt. 

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? I’m 100000000000% on board. As many as that person wants/needs to have. 

26. do you keep a bucket list? I have a mental list of shit I would like to get done if I was more disciplined. 

27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? Not really. I have some favorite songs I listen to off of some of my favorite albums released this year. I listen to playlist more than full length albums. Or all 1000+ songs on shuffle. 

28. what do you want for your birthday?  I like money gifts from family. My friends always get me perfect gifts. I think they get what my interest are better than my family members do.  

29. what are most peoples first impression of you? I don’t know I never ask.

30. what age do you seem according to most people? I always get aged down 4-5 years. Most recently a neighbor asked me what my plans were after I graduate high school this year. I’m 24.

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? Next to the wall where my charger is. 

32. what word do you say the most? What, wow, and whack are my top three reactions to most things.

33. what’s the oldest age you would date?  Ideally I wouldn’t want to go older than 4 years. Like at least at some point we’d been in high school at the same time so we’d have some life experiences we’d have in common. But like if we click we click. 

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? Idk like 3 or 4 years? My response is about the same as the last one. I couldn’t image dating someone that much younger but life be like that sometimes. As long as they’re of age. 

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? A writer or designer. 

36. what’s your favourite music genre? Deep house has become a recent fave of mine over the last like 4 years. I like having music I could vibe to or dance to at any moment. I’m here to have a good time.

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? I want to retire to the Tuscany region of Italy. Pretty much all of the countries I would want to live in are just as expensive as the US. 

38. what is your current favourite song? Puzzle Moon by GWSN

39. how long have you had this blog for? May of 2012 although I think I deleted some of my earlier posts. I’ve switched names and themes a lot.

40. what are you excited for? WayV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And other new music in 2019. 

41. are you a better talker or listener? Listener. I have good ideas but sometime I struggle articulating them and once I get it, it’s too late. 

42. what is the last productive thing you did? i got some sewing done.

43. what do you want for christmas? I had a long list like every year. My mom did get me this Fashionary book I wanted. No Airpods yet. 

44. what class do you get the best grades in? English, History, and Art

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 10, I just had pizza

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Still being on my bullshit 

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? When Fall Out Boy went on hiatus in like 2008/2009

48. at what age do you want to get married? Uhh idk. I’m indifferent 

49. what career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be in a girl group, an actress, and a fashion designer....so Beyonce, I wanted to be Beyonce 

50. what do you crave right now? ...more pizza. I’m hungry again. 

I’m gonna tag: @agust-ds, @thejoong, @itslovingjungkookoclock, @yerim-5hinee, and @aqsun (idk if you’ve done this one but I know you’ve done some other tags so I didn’t tag you in those and you don’t have to do this either but I do like you so I want to include you in things like this too but I’m shy so sorry for the long explanation lmao)