#sister christian annoys me more anyway haha

[everysinglepheel]

Most annoying song (80s version)

disclaimer: i actually like most of these songs. but i know they can be contentious/annoying to hear a lot haha

[adozentothedawn]

To be a bit more positive on here before I leave in four days and won't be able to play Andromeda again for three weeks. (Might play Dragon Age though cause my laptop can run that.)

Love Jaal! Best boy in the game. Also together with Vetra and occasionally Drack when he feels like it the only adult. I will never grow tired of him just being agressively adult about things and everyone just being thrown by it. Also the banter between him and the others are alyways great. I still think they did integrate the information exchange between Angara and Initiative well, but the things that are there are great, both in lore and in humour. I also just reached Kadara and his reactions are gold, he's just so annoyed by everything. He's usually so calm about most things but here he's just so grumpy. xD The things he's not calm about are also great! Hoh boy, BioWare actually dealing with the emotional fallout of certain situations? Consider me shocked and pleasantly surprised. Jaal dealing with the exaltation reveal is really well handled. Kudos on that! He is also very relatable just in general and his private moments on the Tempest are very nice.

Peebee! I didn't set out to romance her because I didn't really jive with her design, but I encountered her and immediately went '... Oh fuck, she's cute' and she is. Very cute. She also gave me the best courting gift ever, that VI is basically an upgraded version of my beloved assault turret, I am absolutely seduced. She is a delight to have around and I'm curious to see where her character arc goes.

Vetra! Oh Vetra, beloved of my life, horribly relatable wife, you and your sister will be the end of me. Mom of the group in the best way and I am okay with her taking her time to really get into the romance. I would also be really interested in like a short story with her and Garrus, cause I feel like they would play off of each other in fascinating ways. I think she would really make him uncomfortable with her points but he wouldn't be able to really say why. She is wonderful addition both just on her own and as a counterpoint to Garrus in the original trilogy.

Suvi! To be honest I just had Suvi saved in my brain as 'the human' and later 'the lesbian human' and didn't really expect much out of her, but she was the breaking point for me to get the poly mod. And yes it also is the accent. xD But also just her character, she's funny, she's interesting, she's charming and just a little bit awkward in a confident way. I also think (from what I've seen for now) that her religion deal got handled with a lot more care then Ashley's. I will also say though that I have yet to do my Ashley run (though I intend to) so that is only based of ME1, so take that opinion with a grain of salt. But where Ashley to me came across as 'space Christian cause haha religion in sci-fi am I right?' Suvi got a much more nuanced (though still distinctly monotheistic so you know) take on faith that I find interesting to explore. She also for now seems more interested in god as creator figure rather than a leader figure, which also helps. I am interested to see where they'll take it anyway.

Drack and Kesh! All the others before are people I am romancing on this run, but Drack and Kesh also deserve a spot. The Krogans are not necessarily always badly handled in the trilogy, in fact I like both Wrex and Grunt very much, but they are also very easy to fuck up and just make into the 'haha violence' people and neither Kesh nor Drack are that. Sure Dreck has a bit of that, but it's never the only thing. He also doesn't feel like a character who just enjoys violence just for its own sake. Even when he's out alone when you meet him, he is in the end fighting still for his people and for Kesh. And he also has nuanced opinions and is not an idiot. He thinks it was right for his people to leave but he also agrees with Kesh's decision to stay. And Kesh herself is also a very refreshing representation of a Krogan woman. I like Bekara, but she is a very distinctive form of character and her being the only Krogan woman in the whole trilogy does not help that. Kesh is not that character. She acknowledges the genophage and its effects, but she is very distinctly not here to make babies or dwell on the fact she can't. She's here to handle shit and get some work done to help everyone including her own people. And Drack supports that! Their relationship is very sweet and I really appreciate that it comes from two Krogans especially. Similarly I really like Drack and Vetra's bonding over being/having been a provider for a younger loved one.

Kandros. I just think he's neat. He's such a vibe honestly.

Infinite levels! Hell yeah! My bullshit completionist heart can grind and get literally every ability maxed!

The combat (kinda). See I don't really do the combat like the game wants me to. At this point what I do is collect as many power upgrades as I can, throw out my assault turret, throw out the remnant VI, cast a biotic shield, and then watch everything die. xD I'm having great fun with that honestly. I do wish I was able to equip more abilities though.

[queerprayers]

okay so i recently bought myself a bible!!! it’s very exciting for me hahah and i’m proud of myself because it feels like i’m taking my faith into my own hands, ya know?

anyways, i just wanted to share something that i’ve been feeling guilty/conflicted about.

so i’ve been going through and bookmarking verses that relate to important things in my life that i struggle with (anxiety, depression, loneliness, anger, etc.) in hopes that they would comfort me. but when i read verses like these (“cast all your worries on him” “do not be afraid” etc) that are supposed to help with anxiety i feel irritated. because i just don’t understand them. “cast all your worries on him”? that makes no sense to me. i don’t know how to do that. i don’t know what that means. i can’t just stop being anxious. idk i just wish it brought me comfort but it doesn’t. sometimes i read verses that i know help and comfort a lot of people but they just don’t touch my heart? like i don’t feel anything.

sometimes i feel a bit abnormal because i feel like i experience and feel God and Their truth way more often outside of the bible? like in the beauty of nature, laughing with my friends, hugging my sister, etc.

ughhhh it’s just really difficult to struggle with mental health and be a christian (at least for me) because i feel like some other christians think that God can magically fix all of my problems, and that i shouldn’t be sad because i am loved and saved and stuff, and that if i just pray everything will be fixed, and that i just shouldn’t be afraid or anxious because the bible says so! anyways, sorry for the rant. hope it was somewhat coherent. i just hope i am not alone in feeling like this. (also wow i’m so sorry this is extremely long haha)

Hello! First, this isn't too long and it was more than coherent! New rule: no apologies in my inbox for the vibe of the asks. Come as you are. <3

Second, I'm so excited for you! The Bible is a beautiful manuscript and we're so blessed to have access to it. But—you're definitely not alone in having issues with connecting with it. Here are some thoughts:

We are loved and saved and also, that doesn't fix everything. Maybe it should, and in a better world it would, but it doesn't. Telling someone their faith should fix their depression is just as toxic as telling someone it should fix their cancer. (I'm not saying I don't believe in miracles, but miracles cannot be our expectation— I personally leave my life open to miracles, but do not depend on them.)

You are definitely not alone in being annoyed by the verses that well-meaning people parrot when others struggle. When I was hospitalized after a mental health crisis, I received a card from my mother with one of the "do not be afraid" verses on it— I don't even remember exactly which verse it was, I just remember that it made me so angry. How could anyone say that to me? I was alone and hurting and sick and someone from thousands of years ago telling me to "stop it" wasn't gonna do anything.

I've changed my perspective since then, and now look at the context in the passage when I have reactions like that— who is being told to not be afraid? Is it a comfort? A command? A hope for the future? A desperate statement trying to convince?

We are not the primary audience of the Bible. Each book has a specific context and audience, and if it doesn't feel like it's for us, it's probably just… not. That doesn't mean we shouldn't read it or that it's not meaningful, but that it might take research and empathy across centuries to connect with it. You don't need to feel guilty if that doesn't come naturally—it doesn't for a lot of people.

Everyone is comforted and helped by different things. Something not helping you shouldn't be bringing you guilt, and I'm sorry it is. It isn't your fault that an ancient document isn't curing you.

I think the Bible should be important in all Christians' lives, but it's not the only thing. It doesn't replace doctors or therapists or nature or loved ones or reality TV or music or anything else that helps us survive in this beautiful, broken world. God gave us the Bible, and They also gave us the beauty of nature, laughing with friends, and hugging our siblings.

A note: the people in the Bible also felt God through nature and loved ones more than through documents, and they also weren't "fixed." The Bible is a record of humans failing and hurting and looking for God. You are so not alone.

Check out this ask for some resources when getting into the Bible, and also check out my bible and prayer tags!

Wishing you patience with yourself, the easing of guilt, blessings while you enjoy the experiences that God has given you, and the curiosity and motivation to look further into the Bible, on your own time and from your own perspective.

<3 Johanna

[storiesforallfandoms]

secret thrills ~ mark;midsommar

word count: 1446

request?: yes!

“Can you write another smut imagine with Mark from Midsommar? Maybe about being Dani' sister and secretly dating him. When reader goes to Christian's with Dani the entire group is there and they sneak off to fool around. But they end up getting caught by Dani at the end and she confronts them? Sorry if it's too long. I just found your blog and I love it. You are such a nice writer haha”

description: dating within a friend group is bound to make things tangly, especially when the person you’re dating is your sister’s boyfriend’s best friend

pairing: mark x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut

masterlist

The minute I walked into Christian’s house, Mark was giving me a look that told me it wouldn’t be long until we were disappearing into one of the rooms to have some fun. I tried not to make my smile too obvious as I followed Dani to sit with Christian and a few of his friends.

I had secretly been dating Mark for at least six months. No one knew; not any of our friends and especially not my sister, Dani. Dani had been having problems with her boyfriend, Christian, for some time and Christian just happened to be one of Mark’s best friends. It made the dynamic within our friend group awkward because we could all see that it wasn’t going to be long until they broke up, and Mark and I knew the last thing we wanted to happen was for us to make things more awkward by telling everyone that we were dating. So we decided to keep it a secret.

Honestly, having a secret relationship was kind of thrilling. Sneaking around behind our friends’ backs, going out on secret dates, our secret rendezvous (which sometimes included in the bathroom at get togethers). It was all exhilarating.

Christian handed me a beer as Dani and I sat down. He offered one to Dani as well, but she kindly declined as she had decided to be the designated driver tonight. Christian rolled his eyes and muttered “Buzzkill” as he opened the beer for himself and began to drink. I glared at him, wishing his head would explode or something right there. Sure, he was my boyfriend’s best friend and, for the moment anyways, was my sister’s boyfriend, but he was still an asshole and I longed for the day when Dani stopped dating him.

Pelle came from the kitchen, where a group had set up beer bong, and smiled at myself and Dani. “The girls are here!”

“There’s girls in the kitchen, Pelle,” I laughed, eyeing the annoyed girls he had just left.

“Not the ones that matter,” he responded with a wink as he wrapped his arms around me. I giggled and hugged him back before he turned to Dani to hug her as well.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the glare Mark was giving Pelle, one that rivaled the one I had just given Christian. He caught me looking at him and I stuck my tongue out, causing him to smile a little.

We decided not to sneak off right away. It’d be too suspicious, plus letting the tension build made the sex that much better when it actually happened. We decided to wait, and when the time was right Mark was going to escape first, then I’d wait about five minutes and follow him into the bathroom.

Obviously, this wasn’t our first rendezvous when we were with friends.

I was deep in conversation with a few girls at the beer pong table when I noticed Mark getting up from the chair he had been sat in since I arrived. He put his beer down and said something to Christian and Josh that I couldn’t hear before making his way down the hall towards the bathroom. I found it hard to return to our conversation as I was busy trying to count the minutes in my head before I could excuse myself to join him.

I walked down the hall and knocked at the bathroom door. Before I was even finished knocking, the door swung open and Mark grabbed me arm, pulling me in and shutting the door behind him. I started to giggle as he immediately started kissing my neck, placing me on the count and pressing his already grown bulge against me.

“You must’ve been hard since the moment I walked in,” I teased before I caught his lips with mine. He put one hand on the back of my neck, holding the kiss for a long time before finally pulling away.

“How could I not be when I know the most beautiful girl in the room is my girlfriend?” he asked.

I smiled and kissed him again. “Well, let me help you with that then.”

I pushed myself off the counter and knelt down on the floor. I heard Mark gasp as I unzipped his jeans and pulled both them and his boxers down with ease. His dick popped free, already hard and dripping with precum. I pumped him a few times in my hand before taking him in my mouth.

Mark’s hand found its way to my hair, where he took a fist full and began to move my mouth against him. He had his other hand resting against the counter, keeping himself up straight as he tried to stifle his moans. I took him deep into my throat, something I knew drove him wild, and caused him to let out a loader moan than he meant to.

We were both so deep in the moment that neither of us noticed if the door was locked or not. We didn’t hear footsteps approaching the bathroom, or the subsequent knock that followed. Neither of us knew that someone was at the door until it swung open and someone gasped.

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Dani said as she covered her eyes. She did a double take, however, when we eyes drifted down to land on me. “(Y/N)?”

I quickly pushed Mark away and he haphazardly tried to pull his pants and underwear back on.

“Shit,” I swore, getting to my feet. “Dani, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to see this.”

“Obviously not, I don’t think anyone means to be caught sucking dick,” she said, her voice more serious than joking. “What the hell is this about? Mark, did you force her to do this?”

“No I didn't fucking force her!” Mark snapped. I put a hand up to stop him before the situation became worse than it was.

“I did it willingly,” I explained. “As I have multiple times now because...well...” I looked over to Mark. We both knew there was no lying in this situation. There was only one thing we could do, and that was to tell Dani the truth. “Mark and I have been dating for six months.”

Dani looked between us with a shocked look on her face. “Six months? And you haven’t told me?”

“We haven’t told anyone!” I told her. “Not even the guys know. We wanted to keep it a secret because we weren’t sure what the outcome of telling everyone would be. We already have one couple in the friend group, we know another one could likely change the dynamic, especially since I’m your sister and Mark is Christian’s best friend.”

I wasn’t saying the other reason out loud, about Dani and Christian’s relationship problems, but I knew that she was picking that up from my words as well. A look of understanding came over her face and she nodded.

“Okay, I guess that’s understandable,” she said. “But still, (Y/N), we always tell each other everything. This isn’t exactly how I’d like to learn that you’re in a relationship.”

“Trust me, it’s not how I wanted you to learn. We were going to tell you and everyone, we just didn’t know when.”

Dani sighed and crossed her arms. She looked over at Mark, whose face was still slightly pink with embarrassment. I was sure mine was, too.

“As long as you’re happy,” she told me. “And you’re being careful. That’s all I ask for.”

“I am happy,” I confirmed. “Don’t tell everyone else yet, though, okay? We’ll tell them.”

Dani nodded and turned to leave. She paused a moment before reaching for the doorknob. Before shutting the door completely, she paused to tell us, “Lock the fucking door.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle as she closed the door behind her. Mark was quick to lock it, and to make sure it was completely locked. He turned to me, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Well...that was...something.”

“Not the way I wanted our relationship to come out, but I guess it was only a matter of time before we were caught,” I sighed. I turned to look at Mark. “What do you think? Do we tell everyone tonight, or do we wait another while?”

“We tell them tomorrow, when they’re sober,” Mark decided. “Tonight, I wanna take you back to my place to finish what we started.”

I eyed Mark’s hard on, still pressing against his jeans despite the two of us having been caught. I giggled and kissed him on the cheek. “That sounds like a fantastic idea to me.”

[conaionaru]

Honor and Blood (Ivar the Boneless)

The plan of the Gods

Synopsis: Vanya has some doubts about her path. Which creates some drama between her and Ivar (only slight we will take it one drama at a time).

Warning: angst, fluff, mentions of manipulation, description of poor people, orphans, Ivar, toxic family

Tagged

@shannygoatgruff @youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @heavenly1927 @lol-haha-joke @queenbeeta​ @didiintheblog​

P.S.:

 Anything written in bold and cursive is a flashback.

 Anything in cursive is in Old Norse.

My writers block is over for now. So hopefully it will keep away for at least three chapters.^^

I don't own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it.

When Vanya was young, her father attended meetings with the council every week. Every seven days, he spent three hours locked inside the throne room, talking to wise men. She remembers the day he allowed her and Silas to attend too. She was so excited to see all these important men made big decisions.

"King Osmond of Slegia, son of King Eadwine the Brave, second of his name. His wife, Queen Siflæd, Princess of Wrosan. Their firstborn Prince Silas and his sister Princess Vanya." One of the councilmen announced their arrival at the meeting with foreign royals.

The room was filled with men, old or young, all looking serious. Her father sat down on his throne with their mother next to him and her and Silas sitting on little chairs on her left. Her father told her it was a crucial meeting, and it would be better if they were all there. Even if they just sat there and smiled at some people.

"My dear lords, thank you for coming. I called you all here to talk to you about the threat that has plagued England for some time now." King Osmond said in his grave, commanding voice that sounded so different as to when he spoke to Vanya. It wasn't a king's voice that showed affection. It was cold and to the point.

"And what might that threat be, my king?" The lord who asked the question was old and bald. Next to him sat a younger boy, maybe of fourteen.

Osmond scoffed and glared at the stupid man. Of course, he knew what he was talking about. "The Northmen--"

"The Northmen are no threat. Ragnar Lothbrok was defeated and hides somewhere nursing his pride. He has for three years now." Another visitor cut off Osmond, waving his hand around like it was no big deal.

Osmond leaned forward in his seat and stared at the men before him with a cold gaze. "Ragnar Lothbrok may be hiding. But his heirs aren't. What of his son and his wife? What of his other sons? They aren't hiding. They are biding their time, and we must be prepared when they attack. We can't ignore the threat that grows stronger with time. When his sons are grown, they might invade England in their father's name. What of the settlement in Wessex? The slaughtered Vikings. The Northmen are loyal; they will try to avenge their own. I can feel it. And we must be ready; we must heighten our defenses, ready our soldiers."

The room grew so silent you could barely hear the breathing of the twenty men, one woman, and two children. Vanya watched the quite royals thinking the words over. They held no fear anymore, ever since the Vikings stopped raiding with Ragnar, they felt safe. They got comfortable.

"We should attack them!" Cried out the fourteen-year-old boy at the table. Everybody looked at him, some shaking their heads other agreeing. They were men of honor, stupid men, but men of honor no less. They thought war was the answer to everything, even if it is a lost war.

"Why can't we make peace?" Vanya asked, looking up at her father from her chair. The room got quiet again. Some men sneered in disgust at the child's simple words. Siflæd rolled her eyes in shame while Silas glared at her as if his gaze could set his sister on fire. The King looked at her with a blank face instead.

"Tell me, Vanya... How should we do that?" Osmond asked her, humoring his youngest child despite the group of councilmen before him.

Vanya bit her lower lip and twiddled with her fingers nervously. "We could give them something and ask them to leave us alone." She suggested hoping her father would like the answer. The wet nurse always told her that if she wanted something, she should ask politely. So it could work with these strangers too.

Osmond chuckled and mentioned for Vanya to come to him. He pulled her onto his lap and showed her the cross around his neck. "This is a cross my father gave to me when I was your age. He told me that God could protect anyone who needs help. But those men you want to negotiate with don't pray to this cross. They don't see faith and protection; they see gold. And if I were to collect all the gold, silver, and crosses in this kingdom and offered it to them, what do you think would happen?"

Vanya thought hard about her father's words. But before she could answer, he cut her off. "We are a small kingdom, Vanya. We can't offer them how much they want. They are greedy men. And they could go back on their word and attack us anyway. God wouldn't help us if we tried that. No matter how many golden crosses we might give them. It would save lives, yes, but negotiation isn't always the answer. We are a small kingdom; they wouldn't negotiate with us. It would be easier to fight us instead. It's noble for you to think of peace, but not everyone thinks that way."

After he finished his speech, he sat the eight-year-old redhead back down and sent her back to her chair. Silas sat next to her watching her every step with a hateful look, gripping the armrests tightly. When the meeting was over, Siflæd left the two children behind and returned to her chambers. Silas ran after her stomping his way and huffing like an angry bull. And so Osmond was left alone with his daughter.

She looked up at him with sad eyes. The young Princess hoped there was a way for peace. She didn't want him to go to war. People die in wars; her father didn't deserve to die. "You are a good girl, Vanya. One day you will make an excellent Queen. I am sure of it. That's why you should learn the ways of a ruler. We don't just make deals, little Spark. Sometimes fighting is necessary, that's why you should know to pick your battles. Fight every battle in your mind first, then move to the battlefield. Don't just jump into action; it could cost you your life and your people's lives. You are the daughter of a king, a small king, but a king nonetheless. Be smarter than your enemy. Bargain when needed and to fight when necessary."

Vanya looked at her father, curiously. It made no sense to her. "The wet nurse says the men fight. I am not a man."

Osmond chuckled and led her to a map on the table where the councilmen sat not so long ago. "Do you see this? Silas will rule this kingdom one day. He may be only twelve right now, but soon he will be a man. And men fight wars with other men. He is too quick to go into battle. Too eager to sacrifice his men in any fight. He will need a calm woman by his side to make him reconsider his choices. Some queens secretly pull strings. They whisper words into their husband's ears and make them think they were their thoughts.  You will be somebody's wife one day. The wife of a king, perhaps."

Vanya watches the borders of Slegia surrounded by the woods and other villages and cities. "So, you want me to whisper to my husband?" She asked, confused, not understanding what he wanted.

"Maybe you will have to do so. Maybe he will be a smart man. But it's better if he has an intelligent wife too. A silent little mouse isn't always the answer. So be smart, Vanya. Clever people make it further."

Vanya kneeled on the ground on a hill, praying to the Norse gods for guidance. She had been kneeling there for the past hour. Her knees hurt from the hard ground as she waited for answers or a sign. Yet nothing came—nothing from the Norse gods or God himself. She was at her wit's end.

Vanya was not Queen material, no matter what anybody might say. When Silas became the King, she swore she would never be like him. He was cruel and didn't care about his people. No matter what Silas might have said when her brother sent her away. He would have sacrificed his subjects if he didn't need to rule over somebody. Silas cared more about the title and crown than about anybody else. 

But if Vanya ever were to be a queen, she would care for her people, protect them from harm, and make them love her. That's why she helped the people of Kattegat. She wanted them to be happy and not obligated to support her. In her eyes, the enemy weren't men with swords and armies. Those were her brother's enemies; the enemy of the people is poverty. And she will fight a battle against it in their name.  That's the battle she chooses for herself. Let men fight their wars with steel and blood. Her fight was against hunger, the cold, and illnesses. She will continue to be the Princess of the people. 

"There you are, I have been looking for you like mad." A voice startled her from her determined thoughts. She looked over her shoulder to see Ivar crawling towards her, annoyed. He froze when he saw her kneeling position. "What are you doing?"

"I was praying for wisdom," she explained, turning towards him and sitting down with her back against the stone she prayed against. 

Ivar huffed and crawled in front of her, glaring at her for some reason. "And to who were you praying? The true Gods or the imaginary Christian one?" He spat the words at her making her flinch.

Vanya clenched her hands and frowned at his tone of voice. "Honestly... Both. I'm hoping for answers, but mostly, I just think in silence."

Ivar scoffed and looked away from her as if he couldn't bear the sight of her. Vanya reached out to her husband, but he pulled his hand away and glared back at her. "Of course, the gods don't answer you. You are praying to that filthy Saxon god!"

"I am praying to him because I need guidance, and I always prayed to him before I met you. It's a habit, Ivar. I am not Christian! But he was my father's God; he is my family's God!"

"Yes, the God of the family that hates you and sent you away. The God of your dead father, what a useful God he is!"

"Stop it! I don't want to fight! I am sorry, just shut up!" Ivar growled at her bold tone of voice and slithered to her like a snake waiting to strike. The Viking got face to face with his wife and pierced her with a cold gaze. His eyes reminding her of the sea at the brink of freezing over. 

"What could be of such importance that you would dare to pray to him? Huh? What was so pressing you had to pray for wisdom?" He hissed at her making her shake in her spot in fear. She was afraid of him. How fast the joy faded from their relationship.

"Your mother told me things that made me question my faith. I already doubt myself with every step I take. And I needed answers that no one could give me. So I ask both my old God and my new gods."

Ivar pulled away from her with a frown on his handsome face, the coldness in his eyes slowly fading. "What did my mother tell you?"

"She wants me to use people to manipulate them by being nice to them. To help you and your brothers raise in the world. I am not a liar, Ivar. That is not my way." She revealed her hands clasped in fists with her knuckles white. Vanya felt her fingernails digging into her soft skin leaving behind a stinging pain. 

Her husband stared at her, blinking but not giving anything away. His face was better guarded than Kattegat itself. "Why did you come to pray then? If you know that, that's not your way."

"I don't want to disappoint her! I admire her. But I can't pretend to be someone I am not." The ginger blurted out her eyebrows drawn together, a pout on her lips as she loosened her fists. 

"Then, don't pretend," Ivar responded like it was that easy. If it were that simple, she wouldn't be on top of a hill with sore knees. "Ignore Mother."

"It's not that easy. I can't just do whatever I want to do, Ivar. It's expected of me to listen." She tried to explain to him, her voice getting higher and higher with every word—all of Vanya's recent decision gone because of Ivar's interference. 

Ivar sneered at her and looked over his home. He watched the people walk around, going about their day. "You are my wife. Do whatever you want to do as long as it's not praying to false gods. If anybody says anything to you, you tell me, and I will take care of it. You don't want to manipulate people, then don't. It is that easy."

Vanya gazed at the side of his head with wonder. She expected him to yell at her some more for going against his mother's wishes. Yet there he sat, calmed down, encouraging her to be herself. He had a temper, but he also had a brain. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Next time you want answers, ask the Aesir or the Seer." He ordered ready to leave when he saw Vanya check her palms and hiss. Ivar crept towards the ginger and pulled one of her palms towards himself. 

Her palms held bloody half circles from her nails that stung a little bit. Ivar looked them over with his brows knitted together in concern. The Viking observer her defeated and ashamed front.

"I hate the Christian God, that won't change. You said yourself that you don't believe in him. But I am sorry for yelling." Despite the sincerity behind his words, it was evident to Vanya that he had trouble apologizing to her. But the fact that he did it anyway warmed her heart. He truly regretted his earlier tantrum.

He then looked back down on her hands and cupped her smaller palms in between his calloused ones. He then bought them up to her lips and gave them a kiss in apology. "Never hurt yourself again."

Vanya nodded at his pleading and smiled a little smile at him. She made her choice, and after some arguing, she had a supporter. The Princess would be herself. She had no desire to manipulate people, if her kindness did attract people to the Ragnarssons side, then so be it. But she would never intentionally do it.

Vanya stood up with Ivar's support and walked by his side to the chambers to take a bath and get ready for bed as the sun set behind them. They were quite the vision, the girl with flaming hair, and her head held high and a boy crawling by her side with eyes crafted of bright skies and frozen seas.

[purplesurveys]

813

When was the last time you baked something for someone? It was like 2011 or something. My parents had bought a new oven and my sister and I wanted to ~baptize it by baking cookies. Our cookies honestly didn’t taste like anything but our relatives were really nice to praise us about them anyway.

Do you ever spend the night at random people’s houses? I would never do that, that sounds so dangerous lol. I only ever spend the night at my best friends’.

What did you eat for dinner tonight? Was it any good at all? It was pork in some sort of coconut sauce. It was insanely good but when I asked my dad what it was, he just smiled at me which leads me to think he just experimented and invented the dish lol.

What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? I don’t like it when my mom barges into rooms without knocking and when she’s being fat-phobic and racist. My dad occasionally has brief spurts of being agitated with everyone and he’ll proceed to have comments about every single thing going on around him, and that can get pretty damn annoying.

Would you be mad if your mom showed your boyfriend your baby pictures? If my mom showed my *girlfriend my baby pictures, I wouldn’t be annoyed. I don’t see why I would be, they’re just photos.

Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. I honestly pride myself on that fact because I’ve seen so many people my age who lack basic manners. I may not be close with my mom but she raised me very well when it comes to this.

When was the last time you went to an amusement park? Which one? I went to a school fair last January if that counts. If we’re talking about legit amusement parks, it was in 2013 when we went to Universal Studios in Singapore and Legoland in Malaysia.

Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I’d normally prefer neck, but I haven’t been kissed on the lips for so long that I’d pick that for now.

Do you completely trust the person you’re dating? Very much.

Has someone ever called you heartless before? Why is that? My mom. Idk, she was being her.

What color was the shirt you wore yesterday? Gray, but it had a rainbow heart on the top left side.

Have you ever completely given up on someone any time in life? Kind of, yeah. Very early on I had given up on the possibility of my mom changing her ways and tendencies. Ever since coming to terms with that fact, it’s been easier to tolerate the verbal abuse. I’ve also given up on the possibility of one of my uncles turning his life around for the better, permanently.

What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? More days of being stuck at home.

Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? It is not and it hasn’t been for a very long time.

Would you rather give someone presents or receive them? Receive. I’m perpetually anxious about whether someone likes my gifts or not so giving is always stressful for me; whereas when I receive presents I always, always love them whatever they may be.

How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? One, usually. I’m not very patient with people who mess up lol.

Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yes, but they didn’t decide on a name until the very moment that they had to write down a name while filing for my birth certificate. Ever since they revealed that to me, I’ve always been conditioned to think that my name was a super clutch decision lmao. It’s fine though because I’m happy with my name.

Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now? No, I’m very sure none of them are. Then again, the people I went to high school with who have kids now kept their pregnancies a secret, so I honestly never know who’s currently pregnant.

Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Anyone who is against it is a traditional asshole.

Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? Depends on the situation. I can always be either.

Do you know what your true typing speed is? What is it? I mean I’ve taken some tests before and if I bring my A-game I can do 85-95 words per minute. I never have to type that fast in real life though so my average typing speed is probably slightly slower than that.

What would you say is the longest survey you’ve ever taken? I did so many attempts to do the 5000-question survey but I never finished it lol. My longest survey was probably 500 questions back when I had just discovered surveys and wanted to take the longest ones available.

Do you get bored by things really easily, or not so much? I’d say I get bored fast. I think it’s because I’ve never really had good things stick with me for a long time and they’re always taken away from me so soon, so now, whenever I enjoy stuff I think my brain just kinda self-sabotages the whole situation and makes me bored with them so that I can move past them with no problem.

Do you hate it when people pronounce ‘potatoes’ as ‘taters?’ No. I didn’t even know they mean the same thing until right now lol, I just thought taters was some sort of American term.

Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I’ve never been legitimately addicted to anything, no.

Do you wear a lot of make-up on a daily basis? I wear no makeup on a daily basis. < Same.

Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? My uncle Afay. He posts his masterpieces on his Facebook and they allllllways look so good whether it’s cheesecake, dream cakes, cream puffs, crinkles, etc. Sometimes when I heart-react his food posts, he’ll even tell me to drop by his place after school so he can give me some :)

When was the last time your received a hug? Who was this hug from? March 7th. Gabie. This lack of hugs is so not good for me lmao.

Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have weird dreams most often. They’re neither good nor bad, it’s just random people showing up doing things I’ll never expect them to do in real life haha.

Would you rather color pictures with markers or crayons? Crayons. Markers use up a lot of ink and I’d feel weird using all that up just to color a picture; I’d rather use markers to simply write stuff.

Do people come to you for advice a lot of the time? Not all the time but I do get a fair amount of that kind of message.

When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not always. I watch them year-round. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I’m friendly with everybody but I hold back to a certain extent. At the end of the day I still choose which people I wanna be my true self, or show my true personality, with.

Have you ever / do you ever recycle? Sometimes, though out of the 3R’s I do reduce the most.

When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? Sometime shortly before the quarantine. I think it was in February.

When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Only if it’s a song I already know and like.

Do you usually talk more than you should about things? Yep, have a pretty big mouth. I’ve been scolded for it more than once.

Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? Mils can be such a social climber and always wants to be in the know about everything so that she can understand references and look cool. Idk, it’s hard to like her because she tries so hard. I’m always nice to her though because she hasn’t done anything bad to me.

When did you last talk to one of your teachers? Like...from high school? Man, I have no clue. The day of my graduation, probably. I noped the fuck out of that place and out of that culture the second I got my diploma.

How many class periods does your school have? What are the classes? We have hundreds of classes in my university so it’ll be impossible and incredibly time- and space-consuming to list them all down. During the time I was in high school we had English, Filipino, Math (a different specialization for every year), Social Studies/History (same as math), Science (same thing), Christian Living Education (because Catholic school lol), Philosophy in senior year, Health, Home Economics/Accounting, Homeroom, and some local class where we were basically taught how to be charitable to the less fortunate (because again, Catholic school). I don’t know if I was able to recall all the classes but that’s a good chunk of them. We typically had 7-8 classes in a day that would last 45 minutes each.

Would you say you’re a faster or slow learner? Depends on what I’m learning. For instance, I’m quick at learning stuff that can be memorized or read from a book like history, law, biology, etc. but you’ll have to be incredibly patient with me when it comes to teaching me something like sewing or origami.

Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? I’ve never seen it.

Do you fully understand the concept of ‘love?’ Probably not yet. I have an idea of it now, but that can always change. After all, I’m still incredibly young and have lots of unknown lessons yet to pick up.

[lavenderek]

this will be a very long post about some kids i knew in high school. it is boring, but it still frustrates me for some reason, so here it is. feel free to ignore. i REALLY hope the readmore works for mobile users. if not - sorry.

A Tale Of Two Christians so there were two SuperChristians - who i will call Daygan and Braygan - in band with me. they both had a lot of friends. i did not.  Braygan was A Cool Christian who i could see running a youth group. she played percussion and had an undyed scene haircut. Daygan was a My Family Thinks Tattoos, Makeup, and Piercings Are Offensive And We Never Cut Our Hair Christian. she played the tuba and wrote poetry.

anyway so they were both cold and rude to me me all four years.

The Genesis: Braygan And The Legend Of The Ill-Fated Chuck Norris Joke It All Started when my parents literally made me go to a band social before the school year started. i was terrified. i was very shy and i was a teenager. i do not remember how, but i managed to enter a conversation with three band kids, one of whom was braygan. we were talking about jokes. i had recently read a Chuck Norris joke. i timidly told this joke for the following reasons: A. they were very popular online in 2006, so i thought it would be a hit. B. i was 15 and didn’t know any better. C. i had read it in a book owned by my friend’s dad, so if dads were into it it must be ok. i did not realize braygan was A Christian, so it took me like a year to understand why she snapped, “that’s not funny.” and glared at me. i was so shocked and humiliated that i remember i could feel the tears spring to my eyes. i went quiet, and the other two kids standing with us went quiet, and i learned never to try to make friends again, and braygan and i never spoke again. it was a beautiful tale of human connection.

Interlude: Braygan Some More braygan would always make a point of ignoring me, which was understandable as i had evidently made such a poor impression that she thought i was unchangeable and could never be forgiven. and it’s not like i was super jazzed to hang out with a person who could be so mean just because i told her a joke she didn’t think was funny. i was always perplexed as to how such a nasty person had so many friends and could only conclude that the nastiness was exclusive to me for some reason. like holy shit dude, it was a chuck norris joke, one that i never told again lmao. maybe chuck norris killed her dad or something.

I Sort Of Gave A Damn About My Reputation: Daygan i mostly did not encounter braygan most of the time, thankfully. daygan was a different case for the following reasons: A. she was friends with a pretty good amount of my friends. B. we had band and pep band together. C. we had english together. D. we always had the same lunch for some reason. daygan seemed to have the same opinion of me as braygan, presumably because they became very close and braygan warned her of my inclinations. i can only assume this because i was never introduced to daygan. i knew of her for the above reasons, but i think i physically talked to her maybe once in four years. like, for real.

The Poms Hated Us: Spirit Contests i said previously we were in pep band. (no, i was not popular in high school.) when we played at football games, our band leader, ben, would make us do “spirit contests,” in which whatever section of the band cheered the loudest was rewarded. typically the reward was each of us got a Sobe when we got back to school afterwards. one night my section won. it was the only time my section won. reasons we never won: A. it was 100% girls. B. me excluded, the section was mostly friends with each other. C. i didn’t try very hard most of the time. D. since graduating i have learned from The Internet that there is a generally negative opinion of people who play the flute. maybe if i had had friends in band i would have known about this. but we were chosen by ben that night. frankly, i do think we had earned it: if there is one thing you must know about flutes and piccolos, it’s that they take a fuckin shredded diaphragm to play. we were good at projecting. daygan respectfully disagreed, by which i mean she was extremely distressed by ben giving us Sobes. she and her entire section had an actual tantrum in the bus on the way back. daygan shouted that the decision was “baloney.” (good christians don’t cuss.) their argument: A. they couldn’t hear us very well, and so we must have been quiet. B. our voices weren’t hoarse. her voice was hoarse, and so she must have yelled harder. C. ben’s little sister was in the flute section, and so he must have been catering to her. reasons those arguments do not carry water: A. sound travels in waves. if one is outside and surrounded by loud noise, the voice of a person standing in front of you and facing away may sound very quiet to you. B. we consulted the kids who were also in choir or drama and they confirmed that there are ways to project without damaging your voice in two hours. involving the diaphragm. C. it was literally one time, and ben and his sister weren’t like, friends at school. they were just siblings and happened to share an extracurricular activity. reasons we gave up defending ourselves and just watched daygan and her friends have a meltdown: A. they would shout over us when we spoke. B. they did not believe us. C. the arguments did come across as excuses coming from us. ben did not recant his decision and daygan literally looked at me with complete hatred in her eyes before turning away. we had this long conversation: me: ok. if you want the Sobe this bad, you can have mine. her: (snort) she and the rest of the brass section continued to very loudly discuss how ridiculous this decision was for like, half an hour. like imagine being this upset about the intricate politics of pep band. my god. it was very disturbing. i had hoped this would damage her reputation, but it didn’t seem to in any longterm way.

Interlude: Concert Wear I was also in the wind ensemble. there were three levels of band: beginner, symphonic, and wind ensemble. we would have concerts every few months. we had a uniform for formal concert wear. for girls, this was a conservative floor length black gown. i didn’t mind it, but i was the only one who didn’t mind it. i have bad taste i guess. we were asked to wear black shoes with it. colorful footwear was discouraged.

Other Interlude: My Fashion ask anyone who knew me in high school. my sense of fashion wasn’t great. i basically only owned striped knee socks. i thought they made me fun and unique.

Footwear: Return Of Braygan so it was wintertime, a year after The Big Hissy Fit. i had finally made a band friend, just because she was one of those people who was nice to everyone. she and i were both cold all the time, and decided we would wear socks during the concert. you could only see if we lifted the skirt to walk, so it was our quirky secret. she wore normal person socks. i wore red stripey socks. after the concert, we were heading down the hall to the band room so we could put our flutes away and collect our backpacks and coats. the hall was empty except for braygan and daygan. they stopped talking and watched as we passed them. i just ignored them. we are both allowed to use the hallway. my band friend was friends with them also, as most people were, so this happened: daygan: (elevators me) nice socks. Band Friend: (thinking daygan is teasing her in a friendly way) haha thanks! our feet get cold :) me: (i pretended not to hear daygan. at least this way she’s coming across as a person who jokes with her friend rather than a person who is physically unable to be civil.

Where Is My App To Build A Wall Between Me And Daygan none of their friends talked to me either. i wasn’t great socially, but i also assume they shared their opinion of me with their friends, as anyone would. i never did this. it’s not because i’m a saint, it’s because all my friends either were also friends with her or didn’t know her. to know daygan was to love daygan. but this doesn’t change the fact that i never talked badly about her behind her back. i rode the bus with a girl who had the same last name as daygan, which i never really questioned. it wasn’t a super common last name, i just didn’t think about it. one day late in my senior year, everyone was at a school event and this girl ran up to me. her: have you seen daygan? me: nope sorry her: haha aren’t you in band together? me: yeah but we’re not friends. she’s kind of a jerk to me actually her: um... she’s my cousin. me: oh huh cool! she’s still a jerk to me. this was not an exciting event. it’s just a thing that happened. i do not care that you are cousins. she’s mean to me. The Confusion That Would Never Fully Go Away we had graduated and it was the summer before we started college. i was hanging out with some friends. somehow the topic of daygan came up. one of my friends was in AP classes with her all 4 years and they were friendly. the reason i am still annoyed about this to this day is because of what he said to me that summer afternoon in the grass. him: oh yeah i was talking to daygan the other day! she said she always wanted to be friends with you. me, internally: ????????????????????????????? me, externally: ????????????????????????????? i explained to him that she had only ever been cold to me, that she avoided eye contact unless it was time to glare into my eyes and will my head to expand and pop like a marshmallow in a microwave. i explained to him my violently smacked down attempt to befriend braygan when we were 15. i explained to him that daygan’s alleged words were perplexing and did not fit with her actions. him: that... is so. weird. i have never seen them act like that. daygan’s always really nice. me, bummed out: cool FAQ maybe she didn’t like you because you make fun of christians. i didn’t used to make fun of christians. i was raised christian. maybe you were misinterpreting what was happening. always possible, if it weren’t for the fact that i was wide-eyed and bewildered for several years until i just got stoical about it. maybe you should have tried again to befriend her. the lesson of braygan was a hard one. and the sight of me seemed to make her very angry. i figured it would be better for both of us if i just tried to stay out of her way. maybe your friend could have asked daygan for you. maybe. but we had already graduated. and besides, i don’t think he completely believed me. would you even have wanted to be friends with her? probably not. rejection still sucks, though. my moment with braygan is my own theory. it’s just that if it wasn’t that, i have no idea what i could have done to warrant this longterm behavior from someone who, by all accounts, was the mother theresa of wind ensemble. maybe someday she will message me on facebook or something and tell me what was going on, because i cannot tell you how perplexing and hurtful it was at the time. the end.

[99dreams1nightmare-blog]

My 3.. “Christian” beans, xDD

First - Myron (Also he’s not wearing shorts, I swear to whatever god is out there, xDDDD)

Second - Vritra

Third - Nyven

They’re apart of this roleplay I’m making called mindset. These 3 would be considered the “antagonists”, let me explain, owo

Mindset takes place in a heavily Christian private school, usually I hate school roleplays because, they’re a good idea at first then the idea falls because.. School isn’t exactly an interesting place, but I’m trying really hard to make this one interesting.

Any “athiests” found in the school will be taken to the basement of the school. Where, they may die immediately, Or be taken to the judgement arrangement room, where they’re put into classes with the teachers being Nyven, Myron, And Vritra. (Though, vritra doesn’t show up until really really late into the roleplay)

Once they’re put into classes, it would be announced by Myron and Nyven that the last 3 out of 20 students get to leave unharmed, but a student will be killed off each week, if nobody dies on there own, henceforth, the students will have to kill eachother so nobody else dies, bUuUUt, that isn’t just it, >:3 If they are caught killing another student, a class trial is held to decide if they are guilty or not guilty.

The classes themself are basically hell, Well.. A very diluted version of it, xDD

3 students would be chosen every class for the “activity”, and by that, I mean possibly tortured. I’m getting there, Okay? I’ve only been working on this idea for 2 days off and on, xDDD

I have to put 20 characters in here, Not including the 3 “priests”. Aka Vritra, Nyven, and Myron-

But uh-

Heres what I have so far for the characters, xDD

Mindset’s characters

- - -

Lazarus - A precious bunny boi, he’s pretty damn shy, except for.. Uh.. That 2nd and 3rd part, xDD The Poor bapy breaks easily under pressure and has trouble even looking at people,

Lazarus: ..? O-Oh..I-I’m Sorry.. I’ll leave..

Lazarus: What do you mean..?! That’s so goddamn stupid! AGGH.. JUST SHUT UP ALREADY, WONT YOU?!

Lazarus: ..Hmph.. I’m already quiet as it is.. Why *should* I shut up?

Rowan - Maxwell’s twin, she’s majorly narcissistic and bossy, but she can be.. Kind of nice at times, But she’s super fukn pretty, so there’s that? xDD

Rowan: Haaahh? You better have a good reason for interrupting my nap!.. >:C

Rowan: OI. Perv, Give me your jacket, It’s cold.

Rowan: Hmph, Dumbass.. Making me do stuff myself.. What does he think I am?!..

Maxwell - Rowan’s twin sister, she’s the smarter of the two, obviously, Rowan is fucking stupid, xDD Maxwell doesn’t exactly hesitate to insult someone, Or.. Hesitate on kind of anything, Though due to that, she has never exactly had any friends so she gets all excited and shit when she makes a friend, so that’s cute, xDD

Maxwell: No, it’s not that, it’s the other answer, Jeez.. Are you really that dense?

Maxwell: Woooahhh..~ I have a friend! .o.

Maxwell: Tch, Shut it, you’re starting to annoy me..

Aromara - Myron’s favorite student, Even Though she’s a complete pervert, she sees Myron as a big brother and respects him. Though, she lacks any kind of manners. She’s a bit unfinished, tho! But I’m getting there, xDD

Aromara: Fuck yeah! Gimme this shit! >:D **she chugs a can of soda** WOOOOO!~

Aromara: HAHAHAHA! INSULT ME AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!

Aromara: Wha?! Hey! Shut up! That’s my line! >:0

Isamu - This precious little creature respects any kind of rule, Not hesitating to call someone out on it, he doesn’t blush very much unless someone tries to hold his hand. He hates sweets with a fukn p a s s i o n, but he’s still precious, xDD

Isamu: ..Mmmmm.. xc **red red red-**

Isamu: I really appreciate it!.. But.. I don’t like sweets. Sorrry,

Isamu: That’s.. A lie.. At the start of the trial you said you were in class 102? You filthy liar! Liar liar pants on fire!

Edgar - A big fukn teddy bear, Not literally, He’s just really tall, xDD he’s pretty damn childish in the long run, Though, he only has one eye and no mouth, He manages, he usually writes down in a little note pad to talk to people. Truthfully, he has never even mentioned religion once, the only reason he’s in the basement of the school is because people think he looks like a demon.

Edgar: . . . “I don’t understand.. What do you mean?.. I know I look a little weird but I’d never hurt someone..”

Edgar: . . .

Edgar: ..”I’m sorry.. I can’t speak..”

Myron - A superficial, verbally abusive bean, he rarely acts kind to people, Not even Nyven, he’s iconic for being the loudest and strongest of the 3, Truthfully he was saddened to see his “little sister” put in the basement, but he probably wouldn’t hesitate to kill her.

Myron: Hmph, All I wanted to do was help. How rude of you.. I can’t believe you.

Myron: Get off of me, you dumb bitch, I aint’ your “big brother”, Aromara. Let alone, friend, Leave me alone, I’m busy. (Aromara: bRotHer tHiS iS bEtRaYaL ;O;)

Myron: Oh.. It’s okay, I don’t mind as long as it pleases me, After all.. Your mine, got it?

Nyven - A sort of.. Biopolar bean, one second he’s acting all shy and shit and the next he’s stabbing your eye out, Tsuyoshi learned that the hard way. Also may have a few yandere tendencies and very sadistic but we don’t talk about that, xDDD

Nyven: ..Sorry about this, I can’t let you continue through here, So leave before I must use force.

Nyven: Love.. Oh my honey.. Ahhh.. Is this what Love feels like..? I love it.. I love it! I’ll never let go of this feeling! Ahh.. uwu (Creep, lOl)

Nyven: Mmm.. I’m sorry.. Are you just a pussy or are you really gonna step up to save them?

Tsuyoshi - Hes a new bean that I just added, I’m planning on him to slack off a lot during class and shit and mostly just be really easily pissed off, Though, his only friend is Isamu who has, Might i say, dragged him across the floor to class one day. Moral of the story, He’s a lazy ass hOe, xDDD

Tsuyoshi: ..Mmh.. Don’t give a shit.. Go on without me..

Tsuyoshi: ..Eh? What the hell? That’s not what I meant, Jackass.. Now let me sleep.

Tsuyoshi: Why do you think I killed him? Do you really think I have the time to do any of that shit? I’m busy doing more important things. Like sleeping.

Vritra - This guy is so easily obsessed, He easily falls in love, which might I say will probably play a part once he appears, He’s.. Definitely a low-key demon, Only one of the 5 main characters able to see his horns an tail (a boi named Shiro). Whilst Nyven and Myron.. Might know? It’s hard to tell.

Vritra: ..Hehehe..~ Look, Veve! His eye has fallen out.. He’s starting to decompose!~ Isn’t it just wonderful..? Haha..~

Vritra: ..How boringg..~ I was really excited to execute someone today!~ xc *he sighs* Maybe tomorrow.. qmq

Vritra: Comebackcomebackcomeback!~ Don’t run from me!~ I’m going to catch you anyway..!~ Where have you hidden, my dear?~ I know you’re in here.. Ehehe..~

And for the main characters I mentioned earlier!

Those characters are gonna be played by my girlfriend, Izzy. I haven’t exactly gotten her to make examples of their personalities and shit, but I don’t mind explaining them myself, xD

Shiro - An awkward boio, He’s a hint of stoic with extra truth. Tbh I’m excited for this boio, xDD

Strawberry (gonna be changed) - He’s pretty chill, flirty at times, but probably gonna handle all of the murders the easiest.

Lucy - Obsessed with the idea “perfect”, henceforth why she ends up hanging around Rowan a lot (who is far from perfect because she’s such a bitch, but eh, xDD) And she’s pretty insecure of her own body, sadly. Love this bean, tho, xDD

Yuri - ..I honestly have no idea how to describe her, I know that here, she’s probably gonna be one of the first to go, she seems like she would break really easily under pressure, Poor Yuri, xDDDD

*..forgot the name - This is Yuri’s brother, he’s really fukn chill and harmonicas his sadness away, he’s probably gonna handle everything okay-ish until Yuri dies, which is sad, but hey! Most of the characters are gonna die anyway. xDDDD

So.. Yeah,

That means I only need to makee.. 8 more characters? I think? xDD

Aromara

Lazarus

Edgar

Tsuyoshi

Maxwell

Rowan

Isamu

Strawberry

Yuri

Lucy

Shiro

Yuri’s brother

So that’s 20 - 12, Woo! 8 characters left! xDDDDD

Batteries not included

— — —

Nyven

Myron

Vritra

Welp, That’s all folks! That’s Mindset. xDDD

[suckitsurveys]

What is your favorite type of cat? Ramona, Saké, and Friday.

If you could delete any word from existence, which word would it be and why? Tr*mp. It makes my blood curdle when I hear that name.

What is your favorite swearword? Fuck.

What celebrity do you wish you looked more like? I’m okay.

If you had your way, what color(s) would you dye your hair? I do have my way and it’s currently blue and purple.

Do you support the LGBTQ community? If not, state your reasons. You are entitled to your opinions. It’s not an opinion if it’s diminishing an entire group of people--you’re just an asshole.

Do you like seafood? If so, what is your favorite? If not, what is your favorite type of food? I LOVE seafood. Crab is my favorite.

Have you ever gone vegan/vegetarian? Nope and I never will. I’m trying to cut back on my red meat intake though and stick to fish and poultry only.

Have you ever eaten a veggie burger? I have.

If you could master any sport, which one would you choose? Swimming.

If you could meet any major political figure, who would it be? What would you say to him/her? I’d like to line up every republican and punch each one in the face.

Do you play any unique instruments? No.

In school, did you take any classes to learn how to play any instruments? No.

Do you like applesauce? Sure.

Do you know any German words? Sure.

How about any Portuguese words? No.

Did you actually pay attention in Spanish class? Yeah.

If you drink Monster, what is your favorite flavor? If you don’t drink Monster, why not? I don’t like energy drinks. Do you think any of your family members voted for Mitt Romney? Did you/would you? I don’t know.

Do you have a reason to hate anyone at the moment? Yes.

Is it easier for you to forgive or to pretend it never happened? Depends.

Are you one of those people who remembers EVERYTHING? I remember a lot of really weird details about things.

Do you sometimes pretend you don’t remember something about someone? No? I can’t think of a reason I’d need to do this?

Do you own any Webkinz stuffed animals? If so, do you have a Webkinz online account? Do you still go on it? No.

If you had/have a Club Penguin account, how old were you when you got it? I never had one.

Do you own any Nintendo video game consoles/handhelds? I have a GBC and a DS laying around somewhere.

Do/did you ever own a Blackberry? Nope.

Do you know the band Noah & the Whale? Yes.

Do you listen to Ingrid Michaelson? I don’t not listen to her.

If you have a song stuck in your head, what’s the name of it & the artist? Imagine by Ariana Grande.

Do you know who Sue Lyons is? How about Dominique Swain? Nope.

Unpopular opinion time. Be honest. The Beatles - overrated or not? Both.

What religion were you raised in? Are you still that religion, if you had one? I wasn’t raised in any religion. We weren’t baptized. My mom was a very spiritual person and I am pretty sure she believed in God in one way or another, but she didn’t follow a religion. She had her own version of faith. My dad just didn’t care about that stuff at all, haha. They were both respectful of people who did follow religion and I felt like they would have been/would be cool with whatever paths my sister and I decided to lead.

What religion/spiritual path intrigues you the most, if any? I like the idea that people live on in spirit in nature, and that there are spirits that control nature and shit, whatever that would be called.

What ancient culture intrigues you the most, if any? Greek.

What was/is your favorite subject in school? Sociology.

What was the last name of your second grade teacher? Mrs. Yamanaka.

Who was your favorite teacher of all time? My Kindergarten teacher Mrs. Furuta. She taught us so much; not just basic kindergarten stuff. We learned about different cultures and she set up these “trips” where we’d pretend we were in an airplane and “fly” to the country we were learning about. She would set up these “shops” where we could “buy” food and trinkets from the country with fake money. We had an EPIC fort we build out of boxes. We celebrated the Chinese New Year and did a ton of origami. I remember her class vividly and fondly. She recently reached out to my sister (who also had her) and I which was a really nice surprise and showed how much she loved her students.

Were/are you a teacher’s pet? In that class ^ yes. I could already read by the time I started Kindergarten and she’d ask me to read to the class every once in a while, which I LOVED.

Do you like pink lemonade? I don’t mind it but it’s not my first choice.

Do you have a Spotify account? I do.

Firefox or Chrome? Firefox for work, Chrome for everything else.

Safari or Internet Explorer? Neither, thanks.

Windows or Mac? Windows.

Desktop or laptop? Either is fine. I’m on a desktop currently at work.

What’s your favorite U2 song, if you have one? Eh.

What’s your favorite song that’s playing on the radio, if you have one? Anything Ariana right now.

What’s a song that you remember from your childhood? Graceland by Paul Simon.

Are/were your parents hippies? Yup.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No because I am white.

If you had a baby girl right now, what would her middle name(s) be? I am never ever ever having kids, but if hell froze over and we did have a daughter, her middle name would be Kay because it’s my mom’s middle name and also Mark’s mom’s middle name.

What heritage does your last name imply? German/Czech.

How about your middle name? I just looked it up because I never knew but apparently it’s Roman?

And first? My first name is Hebrew.

What is your heritage, anyway? German, Czech, Jewish, Finnish, Swedish, some other shit.

Were your parents born in the United States? Most importantly, were you? If not, what country? Yes.

Name an American stereotype? Lol.

Name a stereotype from your country/culture? Nah.

Do you have any paint in your house? Is it wall paint, art paint, or something else? I have art paint.

Do you ever swing at the playground & listen to music? No.

What was your favorite age so far? I don’t know.

What was your least favorite age so far? I don’t know.

Were you/are you in a rush to grow up? Nah.

What’s your opinion on tattoos in the workforce? How about piercings? I see no issue with either.

Do women breastfeeding in public make you feel uncomfortable? Why or why not? Nope. Why should it?

Do you know the band The Last Place You Look? No.

If not, you should check them out. Do you like A Day To Remember? If not, they’re a lot like The Last Place You Look. Cool story.

What is the most annoying commercial you’ve seen/heard this past week? I saw this ad on a YouTube video the other day that was selling some menstrual cup thing and it kept saying how you can’t have sex on your period?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

What is your favorite holiday? Halloween and Christmas.

What holidays do you choose not to participate in, but others celebrate? I’m sure there are a few.

“Happy Holidays,” “Merry Christmas,” or “Merry X-Mas?’ Whatever.

Does it even matter to you which one people say? No.

Why is that every major Christian holiday adopts Pagan traditions in its celebrations? Uh.

[lisinfleur]

Deal

Universe | Vikings Pairing | Ubbe x Christian Princess! Reader Info | Viking Age AU, requested by multiple anons Words | 1411 ⁑ Warnings: ANGST, romance, mentions of violence, rape, massive murder, and blood.

“One of us will have to do it”, Hvitserk said, looking to his brothers around the table.

Ivar wasn’t even trying to pretend he was agreeing with that situation. He didn’t think that they should take the deal, in the first instance.

“We should just take the army and go into their lands. It won’t be hard to conquer this territory” he mumbled, annoyed.

“Perfect, Ivar.  You just forget they’re in their country, surrounded by allies while we are far away from home. They would be coming and coming till kick us out of the land and we can’t spend such a time trying to stick a claim by force when we can do it by an agreement.” Ubbe said, sighing. “There is a time to be calm and a time to be ruthless, my brother. And this is time to negotiate”.

“And what tells you that they will honor this agreement, hun?” Ivar asked, looking at him. “Ecbert once made an agreement with father and you saw what our stories tell about it!”

“But we have to agree father didn’t have any legal rights to the lands but Ecbert’s words.” Hvitserk spat back, causing Ivar to sigh really bothered “And also, we have Uncle Rollo’s experience, which fits really better with this situation and he is a successful king on Frankia”.

“Indeed”, Ubbe agreed.

“A Christian King, I shall remember,” said Ivar, arguing.

“One who still maintains a good relationship with our people,” said Hvitserk “which makes me believe he must be pretending his faith just in order to maintain his crown”.

“Don’t even count on me to this theatre” Ivar spat, annoyed “I’m a Viking, a raider, and a warrior, I belong to Odin and I seek for Valhalla, so don’t even think about the idea of seeing myself giving up on raiding like Uncle Rollo did”.

“You’re right,” Ubbe said, causing Ivar to look at him.

“Excuse me?”

“I said you’re right. You’re too harsh for this situation and your ways are too Viking for the coexistence. We need someone more… meek… and…” he silenced.

“Soft?” Ivar completed ironically.

“I’ll do it. I want to settle down anyway…” Ubbe said, sighing.

“So, it’s decided. Ubbe, congratulations on your marriage and let's pray for a beautiful princess at last.” Ivar said, sarcastic, receiving an elbow poke from Hvitserk for the joke “What??”

The deal was arranged and the marriage prepared, but Ubbe couldn’t see the bride until the time of the ceremony. He couldn’t say he wasn’t afraid. Ivar’s words were harsh…

What if she wasn’t attractive to him?

What if he couldn’t handle this marriage?

There were so many questions in his head, dancing as a firestorm, causing him a headache that he could barely handle.

However, all his questions silenced when he saw the brothers, sons of the king which who he was dealing the marriage, almost dragging a poor girl dressed in white, all the way to the carpet they had extended in the hall. She was crying, begging her brothers to stop. And he could see the way their grip was hurting her arms.

His instincts and his honor screamed higher than the deal and he went ‘till them, breaking the rules of that pathetic ceremony and taking the poor girl from their brute hands.

“Let her go, for the gods’ sake!” he grunted, hearing a salver of surprised and terrified sighs about the mention of his gods inside a Christian church.

Fuck it… The girl in his hand was shaking terrified! Wasn’t it an offense to their god?

“You’re hurting her!” he said, gently lifting the veil that covered her beautiful teary face.

She was so sweet and delicate. How could they treat her like that? Her eyes were filled and her face covered with tears that his fingers touched, softly.

“I know you’re scared. And I don’t know what they told you, but I promise, nothing is gonna hurt you from now on” his meek voice sounded like bells for her and she nodded, afflict. “What is your name, young lady?”

“I’m Y/N,” she said in a trembling voice. “Please, I beg you, don’t hurt me!”

His hands touched her face, so warm and cozy, trying to make her feel safe.

“I won’t. I promise, hun? Now calm yourself down… Shh… I won’t hurt you… No one will,” Ubbe said, leaning his forehead on hers, waiting for her breath to become calm again, with all the patience of the Universe.

He was so kind and gentle. So different from what she was thinking. Her brothers had lied to her, telling her she would be marrying a heathen monster, but that man with blue eyes so clear? He wasn’t a terrible vile and he didn’t deserve to be fooled as they were planning to do…

So she hugged him tightly, pretending she was still afraid. And she whispered just for his ears.

“Do you promise you will not hurt me, no matter what?”

“Yes,” he said, seeming to understand what she was doing, whispering back in her ear in an intimate conversation that was starting to make her father and brothers angry.

“We don’t have the entire day for this ceremony!” her father said, but Ubbe just raised one of his hands mutely ordering him to shut up, listening when she started to whisper once again, only for his ears.

“They are forcing me to this marriage cause I’m not pure anymore” she sobbed “One the princes of this court, he forced me to serve his desires and now he is trying to hide it with this marriage. But it will grant you no rights. I’m not the older daughter of my father and before me, my older sister’s husband will take the crown my father is promising to you. He intends to banish you and your men as soon as my brother in law comes with his men,” she confessed.

Her eyes on his now

“Please… Don’t let them hurt me anymore…” she begged so sweet…

Ubbe kissed her forehead. It wouldn’t be hard to fall for that woman.

But he had some things to solve first.

“Ivar…” his voice echoed, calling his younger brother’s attention. “Remember what I said about times to be calm and to be ruthless?” He asked, causing Ivar to straighten his body on the chair and Hvitserk to land his hand on the sword guard.

“Yes,” answered the youngest one.

And Ubbe’s eyes became fierce, looking to the princes and the king while his hands were protecting the princess against his body.

“Your time to be ruthless arrived.”

Ivar’s men obeyed his gestures, closing the church’s door and carnage took place inside that building. During the entire combat – that ended with the court killed and the crown of her father on the Norsemen’s hands – that princess could see Ubbe protecting her fulltime.  He fought like a beast and because of him, not a single drop of blood stained her white dress. At the end of all that horror, he turned to her and while his brothers came, raised swords to kill her, he stopped them.

“No.” his hand touched her chin and his eyes went to hers once again “I’m a man of word and honor, Y/N. And I promised no one will hurt you from now on. I freed you from your family and this court and I’ll claim this land as mine and to my people. You had the courage to show me the truth and risked your life to be an honored woman. So I think I want to keep my little deal with your father… I’ll become king of these lands. Do you want to be my queen?”

She gave her hand to him and nodded an affirmative answer to that beautiful and strong man who protected her life and saved her from the torments she knew as life. So he extended his hand to his brother and Hvitserk gave him the ring they had prepared for the marriage. And Ubbe stained the ring in the blood on his hands, putting it on her finger and touching her face.

“It’s still our marriage, and I made my sacrifice to the gods.”

“May them bless you with children and frighten the wolf out of your door,” said Hvitserk, smiling playfully, almost laughing at the situation.

But the truth was that it was a hell of a sacrifice. And Ubbe was now kissing his new wife.

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[deafeningsuitdestiny]

The Elephant in the Room

Chapter one, My beginning

Hey there,

how are you?

Me, well I'm doing okay. To be honest a little roughed up, but okay none the less. My names Paige, I'm 22 and a bit of a nerd. 

I spend most of my time in my room, by myself, hiding in my world of electronics. That's kind of what ive always done. My whole life has been a bit of a rollarcoaster. I was born in '98 and while others wouldnt, I do wholehartedly consider myself a '90's baby. Not that I actually remember much of the 90's.

I've grew up in the sunny and ever so saught after california Inland Empire, in a tiny town called Norco, horse town USA. No, I didn't ever have a horse in my backyard growing up. But I always had one at my grandparents. Tinker was her name when I was young. We never rode her, grandma always said that she had hurt her foot when she was younger so we couldn't. I personally just think my grandma left her alone for so long that she wasn't a 'broke' horse anymore. 

Not that that was her fault. She has arthritis really bad in both knees and has had it for as long as I can remember. Growing up i spent a lot of time with my grandma. I was at her house almost everyday. Both of my parents worked. My dad in construction and my mom at a christian pre-school. That meant that every morning, Monday through Friday at 4-5 A.M, I was hauled over to grandmas house. I have endless love for my grandma for so many reasons. Her home has always been a safe haven for me to go, and really has been my whole life, even as an adult.

My childhood is probably one of the most complex parts of my life. I've never really been one to talk about  it, or myself really. If you would have asked me a few weeks ago i would have brushed it off and said it was normal. However, my childhood was far from normal. I actually don't remember a lot of it. I have really had to sit and think about it to try to piece it all together. I won't go into detail about anyone in my family but me, but it wasn't really all Glitz and Glam for any of us.

Like i said my earliest memories are at my grandmas house. I do remember a bit about my childhood home. I remember having big birthday parties and asking to go to friends houses all the time. Thats not really something I was allowed to do a lot. Except for my childhood bestfriend, Natalie. I went to her house as often as my parent would let me. I remember having her house phone and my moms cell phone number memorized only. I called her almost everyday after school waiting for her to get home from dance classes so we could talk about the Sims and whatever elementry school drama we could find.

I'm so thankful for Natalie. She's been a really big person in my life and I have been able to rely on her a lot through-out my life. She and I to this day keep in touch. I also spent a lot of time with my 'cousin' Kendyl. I say cousin because her mom Stephanie and my mom were best friends. So i know i spent a lot of time with her and she is considered Family. When I was home my mom babysat her a lot. Stephanie was a single mom when I was growing up and hustled her ass off to get whatever she could for kendyl. But that meant she worked a lot.

Therefore Kendyl was also a very good friend to me growing up. Although I can remember being a bit mean to her at times. I was older and not getting enough attention in my own home so I think I ended up taking it out on her a bit. I can vividly remember her mom going off on me for smapping a balloon on her hand. Lightning struck quite a very few times in my childhood that I remember getting really upset, but that was one of them. I don't really remember why but I think there was a small group of us all hanging out. I got embarressed.

When I talk to other people about their childhoods they remember so much more than I do, but I do think it's a blessing that I don't remember a lot of it. Another memory I have from when I was younger is being at Stephanie's boyfriends house with Kendyl riding around in her green little Jeep, we went  up and down his driveway until the battery was so low it wouldn't go up anymore and we ended up flipping over somehow. For some reason I also remember getting in trouble for that like it was my fault when i was probably no more than 5 outside playing without any supervision.

A lot of my childhood is like that, no supervision and left to my own devices. I think that kind of explains a lot of why I am the way that I am. I learned to exist by myself. So i learned how to escape from the world around me. A tool I use well into my adulthood.

Chapter 2 Growing Pains

I gained a sister at the ripe age of 2 & 1/2. Ms. Avery Rose made her appearance and I was not so happy at the time. I greeted her with a sippy cup to the head the day she came home.

Sorry Ave, Love you.

I was standarly upset about having another person to now add to, what i considered, a competition for attention. We shared a room, with a bunk bed. I claimed the top bunk so she was stuck on the bottom. I've always been messy, so naturally I ate in my bed. Therefore i had ants in my bed. That meant that Avery would not go anywhere near the top bunk, as shes a bit of a clean freak, and at the time that meant my deturrant was working as intended. I had my space and everyone stayed away. That was the goal, so I slept with ants. It didnt really bother me.

I don't remember why I wanted to keep everyone away, but I felt the need to. So I made huge messes and didnt really ever take care of myself. The idea was if I looked a mess and had messes around me, the standard person would stay away. I would be safe and could do as I pleased. which wasnt much but escape to the land of my imagination.

I can remember going to my toy box and literally throwing every toy I could grab over my shoulder to make a mess of my bedroom floor. My grandparents ended up coming over that night for dinner and my grandma helped me pick up my bedroom. When I say helped I mean I sat contemplating begrugendly as I watched my grandma pick up the beautiful chaos that I had created for myself. She knew i was upset, so she stayed in my room with me until I fell asleep, turned on sleeping beauty to try to calm me down, and it worked. Disney Works. Dreamworks Works. Very well, thanks to grandma. To this day I can turn on a classic disney movie to calm down.

I don't think she even knows, but to this day I use that. She has given me one of my greatest coping mechanisms.

Isolation bred imaginary friends. Bobber, Bingalong, and Joshco. They were with me wherever i went. I had bobber well into my later adolescent years and still vividly remember what he looked like.

They were all tiny, and could fit in the palm of my hand but would sit on my shoulders more often than not. Bobber had scraggly hair and wore overalls and had a red shirt. It's not a surprise that red was my favorite color most of  my life. My whole family still teases me about them, but in a really weird way they are family to me. They were around when no one was there.

I did not like the outdoors as a kid. Absolutely hated playing outside. My mom, thinking I needed the normalcy would lock Avery and I outside to "play". Most of the time this led to me intentionally scraping my knee, stubbing my toe, or just outright throwing a fit to get back inside. I wanted to play on the computer instead. Club Penguin, BarbieGirls, VirtualMagicKingdom, Wizard 101, Neopets, I had a Nancy Drew Orca game that I loved to play, a Jimmy Neutron game I completed several times over. I loved the escape of it all.

Those were the only places I felt happy, safe, and had enough fun that I felt like I was thriving.

Chapter 3 School House Blues

School was always something i've been naturally good at, when i put in the effort anyways. My grandpa spent the time teaching me math as a kid, thankfully. Otherwise I would have been lost. It was not my strongsuit. School was never somehing that i wanted to pursue but I did good because I was expected to do good.

Although I never really fully paid attention as a kid. I was still off in my own world. I had a Group of girlfriends I always hung out with. It was Jada, Myself, Natalie, Emily, Cheyenne, Taylor E. , Taylor M. and sometimes a Sierra or Cierra. To that friend group ~ I am sorry if I forgot anyone. This was a while ago haha

Even in the group I always tried hard to fit in, because I felt like I didn't. I felt like that third wheel friend that always had to try really hard. I think my try-harding annoyed a lot of them to be honest. By the 6th grade the whole group was done with me and the last 6 months of elementry school I spent by myself at a picnic table, until I remembered the Library and Mrs.Curd.

Thank god for Mrs.Curd. From that moment on I spent all of my free time in the library. We has something called A.R. when i was growing up when I was growing up, basically the school wanted to make sure we were reading enough books and growing our mini human brains. The goal was to get to 100% by the end of the trimester. Well in 6th grade I made it to 100% by the second day of school thanks to the twilight series, I had read in the matter of a few days, I flew through it.

I remember finishing the first book in a day and immediatly begging my mom to go get the next one.I even read Midnight Sun online as it was released without Stephanie Meyers' permission. All 152 pages then I think it was. That also meant whenever it was A.R. time I would Immediatly run to the library while everyone else silent read. I would put books away and eat all of her butterscotch candy.

A huge shoutout to Mrs.Woolard for letting me go~ that is until my other grades started to drop. Math started to get the best of me since I was so caught up in books and my imagination. I wasnt allowed to run off to the library anymore, I had to focus on my A.M. basically it was the math version of A.R. but every single recess and lunch time I spent with Mrs. Curd.

I don't really know what happened to her, but I really hope shes doing well. She is a big credit as to how I'm still here. Teachers really are the Life Blood of our society. I'm living proof.

Chapter 4

Puberty

I wish I could tell you that Jr. High got better. My grades kept falling. Thankfully my educators were still a few good and true. Mr.Walker taught me more history and structure than I ever could have asked for. That man taught me organization.

He was a stickler, he was very good at making sure the homework assignments were done and held the accountability for it as well. I remember he was the first teacher to ever give me a detention, because the whole class didn't do the outline the night before. It was a detention that came with love however. The whole class spent that hour after school writting the outline.

Thus my love of writting began. I can't tell you how many outlines i did in that class but it was a lot. A whole binder full. His homework schedule revolved on a schedule. That meant that if you missed a day you still had a pretty good idea of what was expected of you.

It was also nice because he was someone who didnt believe in homework on the weekends. He believed in putting in hard work and having your personal time as well. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were days that homework typically wasn't assigned. Unless of course we had a project, but they always came with ample time to get them done and a solid deadline.

Mr.Walker taught me the importance of balance and knowlage. That you need to know whats going on, but you also need to take care of yourself. At the time that didn't quite click BUT years later I can look back on those days and understand the importance of what he was teaching me.

Jr. High was also the time that I Joined Choir. I was hoping it would be the fun and happy place I always dreamed of but quickly learned it was kind of a free for all with songs nobody knew unless it was around christmas time. Not exactly what a Maturing Mini Human was interested in. I remember asking Mr.Betts if we could do more relent songs, or something in the Top 40, his repsonse was no, we have to keep the classics alive, which I understand. Now looking back I wish I would have told him he was living in the past and trying to grow the future.

That doesn't work.

Chapter 5

A small circle

In Jr. High the friend group was small. So small in fact I don't think I ever consistantly spoke to more than 2 people at a time. Keeping up with friends we never my strong suit. I remember sitting in the same far right table next to the choir room every day. Being excited for Pretzel day and having access to vending machines. I would spend every quarter I had on the many snacks back then, no regrets haha.

That lunch table actually had some of my fondest memories, dancing and practicing ballet spins with Chey, doodling the many anime doodles with amie. Shes probably one of the first friends I ever openly talked to about my love of Anime. I wrote every one I watched on the front of my homework planner, it was my messy list of all the things I loved. Blue and Black ink was smeared all over it.

I wish I kept it but I didn't. It was lost in the many moves. By jr high we were living in our third house. We had moved into a new house when my baby brother came along. We outgrew our little three bedroom, moved on to a 5 bedroom and then went back down to a 4 bedroom. It had stairs and don't ask me why but that was the most exciting thing to me. I could not wait to live in a house with stairs. Call me an odd ball, everyone else in the house complained that it was too hot upstairs or they didnt like to carry the laundry up the stairs, but I didn't mind at all. I thought it was fun!

I was also in love with that house because of all the trees in the backyard, lemons grew in a large plethora. We were never short on lemons, apricots, a few tiny oak trees, the street was lined with tall pines, we had peppers that grew, grapes, it was like a mini haven. I don't think we ever could have used all the lemons. The two trees produced so much fruit my dad would complain about having to pick them out of the grass.

That house is also where I fell deeper in love with music, the Ipod Touch 1st generation came out and I think i went through a pair of headphones every 2-3 weeks. My parents werent too happy about that but my eardrums were. Evinescense, Lincoln Park, Black veil Brides, and Rihanna became my heros. I ran to them when the rest of the work felt too scary to handle. I remember watching the music videos over and over. Dancing around my room with the music as loud as I could get away with. Which was pretty loud as long as it was still light outside.

I still do that, in my car the music is always full blast. Music became my escape all over again but this time it was everything I wanted to listen to which rocked my world. Figurativly and Literally.

Chapter 6

DisneyLand

Through all of this my mom was losing touch with herself. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to watch. The strong woman I once thought could rule the world was now bedridden. A lot. It was nothing she could have controled. She just fell to pieces and I had a front row seat.

It was my first heartbreak watching her shatter bit by bit. It felt endless, lonely, and daunting. My poor dad just had to keep going to work. That wasn't an option. he had three kinds and a sick wife he needed to provide for, and he did his damndest. We never went hungry, we had the new clothes still, we just had no savings. He couldn't keep up with it all by himself and I don't fault him for it. Our world was going through a forced change that none of us were ready for. At that point he wasnt even working at a job he liked. After everything crashed in 2008 he lost his fancy construction job.

He wasn't working with all the people he loved, he wasn't being paid properly, he was just working his ass off trying to make it. Lightning continued to strike,  a lot of screaming matches brewed, and it didnt help that my room was closest to theirs.

So hiding things? You could not.  No hiding anything, I knew all the struggles and annoyances.

Thank the Universe for headphones. I kept those things in almost 24/7.

Now, choir was not all bad. It did have some pretty fun moments when we got out of the classroom the few times we did. We ended up going to Disneyland, going back stage and recording a few disney songs as a class which I do have to say, was pretty fricken cool. To me we got the perfect songs, we did Hawiian Rollarcoaster Ride from Lilo and Stitch and The is Halloween from The Nightmare Before christmas. Two Iconic, what I consider to be, classics. Moments like that got me through.

That only took us a few hours and then we were free to roam Disney and enjoy all of the magic. For the first time since I was 5-6 years old. And then I could do whatever I wanted. All the ride choices were at my finger tips. It was the first time I felt Free.

Trips like tha gave me things to look forward to, and honestly thats all I needed.

It took absolutely forever to get our recordings back and I didnt end up buying one, we were struggling financially as the time and I was not about to add another expense to the plate. I knew I was taking enough. Probably too much. More than my parents could have handled at the time. But I knew that, and I was still messy as hell. It kept my room as my space so nobody could come in. It was mine. My Chaotic Castle. Where I was free to blast the music, dance, and sing all I wanted.

It was my home.

Chapter 7

Off a cliff

That chaotic castle didn't last and we ended up moving to another house, but this one hung off a cliff. We had to downsize again, so Ave and I were back in a room together, and quite unhappy about it. We already fought like we were mortal enemies and for a while the severity just got worse and worse. Then one day it was like a switch went off and we decided to just make the best of whatever situations came our way. Teamwork makes that dream work. You do what you gotta do.

Sharing that tiny room with her was hard. She didn't have a closet and had to use my brothers while he used a wardrobe. We barely had room to walk around. Each of us had a bed, a nightstand, and atop our 'Paige, Avery, Money, Boys' cabnet was an itty-bitty TV in the middle that we often faught over. Usually we could reach a mutual agreement when it came to NCIS or Law and Order: Svu.

To this day we can recite the opening by heart.

We shoved two tiny twin beds in that room and did our best to get through it. Her being a clean freak did not enjoy my mess that I allowed to take over everything. Eventually she got to the point were she would just shove everything to my side. I brushed it off with an eyeroll and a shrug.

Even worse I am not a fan of laundry. And as a lazy pre-teen I was not about to do it all the time. So I lived in dirty clothes and didn't care. Once a week we would go over to grandmas house to spend the night and she would always make sure I had clean clothes. She made sure we all did when we were over, she did what she could. I always wished It was more but you can only stretch a sheet so thin before it tares too, you know?

We also had a family dog that nobody really took the time to take care of. Crap and pee was a common occurance when you walked down the hall, it got to the point where it didn't even phase me anymore.

By this point nobody had come to our house in years. We really kept an isolated boat. It was hard, I was basically trained to stay quiet and thats what I did. I put my headphones in and went off to my own. Kinda like now its funny how everything comes full circle when you don't process it. Some things you can't just wish away.

They demand to be felt.

Chapter 8

That House

That house was one of the places that haunted my nightmares. It never felt safe or like home. I atribute that to it residing right next to a cemetary, talk about the Heebe-Jeebies. It felt wrong. While I spent all of my time in my room, my sister was smarter. She always had a knack for the more social butterfly side of things. She built her own support system of friends. She didn't wait for one to poof into existance in our household. She made sure she found people who actually cared about her. That's not something I learned until much later in life. You really need a group of people you can count on, its what makes you feel human, it brings you back down to earth. It humanizes you to yourself, as wild as that sounds.

When I was a kid i thought of myself as one of the wild things, like in that book 'Where the Wild things are." I even came with the scraggly hair to match.

Avery Rose taught me it's necessary to have people in your corner, because you cannot do everything yourself. No matter how hard you try. The world is a big place to take on by yourself and you will fail every time. Trust me.

Chapter 9

Basketball

Throught my life my family always tried to in some way shape or form keep me busy. Idle hannds never thrive. When I was small it was dance, but I grew tired of that quickly, then I was pushed head first into basketball. 10 years of it to be exact. Now that sport and I have always gone back and fourth. It's very much a love/hate relationship, But i can sit here today and honestly tell you I know that game like the back of my hand.

All the way down to Passing Game.

Its a game that tests you, pushes you to your limits, and forces growth. With some perseverance you make those sidelines and suicides your bitch. The running is good for your lungs. It helps you breath more clearly.

So note to self, basketball, the sport that needs to be played, and it needs to be played more. A hell of a lot more, and if you haven't lately- Go pick up a Basketball and start dribbling.

Your hand eye coordination probably needs it.

Chapter 10

Staying Active

Through-out my messiness, I did also stay active. The hustle has and always will be real. Its what drove me. The desire for better. If you aren't pushing yourself you arent growing. Without growth, you die. So in a sense, the hustle is the whole point to life, you just have to find your hustle. It's different for everyone.

The shoe just has to fit, you can't force it like Cinderella's step sister tried.

It won't work.

You have to find your niche, for me it's writing.

For you?

Well, what do you dream about?

[cosmosogler]

the other day on the phone mom told me that dad’s feelings were hurt because i didn’t say goodbye to him enough when i left.

ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 

i woke up this morning. i wish i could remember my dreams a little better. it feels like there’s something that keeps happening over and over and i can’t ever remember what it is no matter how many times it happens. 

maybe it’s just that feeling of deja vu more than actually experiencing the same... “thing” in my dreams night after night. the ones i’ve written down only had a common thread of feeling, like, resigned. tired. quiet.

i’m not sure how to say what i’m thinking right now. i’ll try to work up to it i guess.

the internet was out all morning so i didn’t get to bum around on tumblr or check my emails. i filled up my water bottles and put them in the fridge. i’ve got seven water bottles stored for the ~2 projected days of the hurricane. that should be enough. i don’t think the power or water would be out for that long. and if it is out for that long, the storm will have passed by the time i’d need to leave the apartment.

my sister isn’t willing to send over ANY gamecube games for the console here. so that plan is a bust i guess. i keep forgetting i can’t really... well, i can always expect for her to do what she wants.

oh. the governor just closed every school in florida. tomorrow. through monday. current projections put the hurricane directly over my town. as a category 3.

welp! i am SUPER glad i decided to bring all my textbooks home today *just in case*. i’ll have something to do for the next four days.

haha my comments in the grad chat won the honor of being the first-ever liked text message in our channel.

guess i don’t have to worry about going to bed exactly on time tonight then. i’ll keep writing.

i taught for four hours straight today. i’m upset at how many dumb, careless mistakes i’ve been making. i tell myself i’m doing the best i can and then i just... forget things. they don’t even occur to me until it’s too late. the absolute worst though was when the student from my third section who doesn’t speak a lot of english came in. i called him by the wrong name. there were two names on the roster i recognized as chinese and i... picked the one i remembered calling him last week. so not only was i wrong this time, i had been wrong last week when i’d been talking to him. jesus christ. i examined some of my priorities and tendencies to rush into things after that for a while.

i apologized twice and also tried to call him by the right name a couple times while talking to him about the lab afterward. he did pretty good this week though.

after that i don’t really know what i did. i guess i must have had a snack. i’m kind of drawing a blank on what happened between 2 and 4 though. maybe i just watched youtube videos in my office... i’d meant to read but i never really got to it. i did eventually buckle down and find and call a dentist, and get all my other medical paperwork sorted. i did Actual Work until near 6 even though none of it was schoolwork. i waited a half hour for the bus and then when i got home i made cauli tots.

cauli tots are like tater tots, but with cauliflower instead of taters.

snoopy was a little more receptive to playing today. i was so proud of her when she batted at the toy i was waving in front of her. 

then i watched youtube videos all evening!!! like a punk!!!!!!!!!!!

suicidal thoughts are weird. to experience, i guess. like i am continually bombarded by the realization that i am currently sitting in some kind of mysterious box with light coming out of the top. and i am looking at a couple pieces of metal with a glowing thing. and then i think, “wow, i am really good for nothing, i am really unhappy, i am really not a good person to know, i am really just going to be a sad irredeemable lump for the next 20 years just like the last 20 years.”

i just. i guess when i realized i was going to die someday (at ~5 or 6) there was a kind of relief? in knowing i could do it myself, maybe? maybe i am misremembering my years before christian school. i know i was experiencing symptoms of depression before christian school. but i didn’t have those words so i wasn’t really... looking for those symptoms or recognizing that they weren’t the same as what other people were experiencing throughout childhood.

there’s a certain sort of resignation you get when at an early age you think, “something’s really wrong with me.” and then you’re proven right over and over and over. heart defects. depression. being Pretty Gay.

i know none of those things are “wrong” but as a kid different is always wrong.

taking the physics prelim. “no, you don’t understand, i felt REALLY bad about how i did on this test.” “you’re fine! everyone was nervous!” “no, you really don’t UNDERSTAND.”

i was right.

i keep telling myself i’m not stupid like someday i’ll believe it but i keep getting reminded over and over again how stupid i really am, how many stupid careless mistakes i make, how little energy i can commit toward being not stupid and dumb and bad.

like, “kill yourself” is such an easy thing to think. it’s so disorienting to actually think it though. to get from 

“i complain about everything even though that never fixed anything” ->

“i needed help and no one came, why can’t i recognize and react to these patterns, complaining is useless but i do it anyway” ->

“complaining is annoying AND i can’t trust people, i’ll never have close friends” ->

“i want to die.”

dying is fine! they’ll just write me off as selfish anyway!! i’m turning into one of those CRAZY crazies who can’t/just WON’T get better!!! 

i don’t like the way the world kind of warps when i get those thoughts. words stop meaning anything. feelings stop meaning anything. the way the scab on my finger knuckle hurts when i bump it doesn’t mean anything. 

writing all these journal entries, spending 40 minutes spewing all my thoughts everywhere on a blog every day... it looks like i am doing a lot of hard work examining myself! but it’s not hard work. it’s fake work. it’s fake. i can’t get better because i’m not working hard enough to change. i can’t do better at physics or therapy or whatever the hell until i start putting in real work instead of fake work.

and i’m stupid because i can’t tell what the difference is.

i’m... seeing the new psychiatrist in 11 days. they will probably want to change up my meds. but i’m tired of wanting to just sleep all the time. well, i mean, i want to sleep all the time anyway, but with meds this ineffective i can push away that feeling and keep going! “keep going,” i say, as i talk about how i very specifically do not want to keep going. 

i was trying to figure out how to explain my depression to taylor and luis in the office today when luis asked what i had, that i was getting accommodations. i wanted to say “it used to be worse but now it’s kind of settled into a casual nihilism that i think is funny and charming but it mostly just makes everyone worried.”

i say it used to be “worse” but i’m not sure what worse means here. like the feeling was a lot sharper five years ago, sure. it was a lot more painful when it got bad. my grades were somehow even worse than they are now. i didn’t want to talk to anyone.

i guess it was worse then. now it’s just like, oh, this again. guess i gotta get up and Face The Day; nothing better to do.

that’s the worst, i think. my group therapist at the hospital pointed it out. “why are you here?” she would ask. “eh, nothing better to do i guess,” i’d answer and kind of half-smile. she’d express concern at my lack of commitment. maybe that’s what really killed my ability to get better using that therapy in the end. 

everyone else participates and sometimes doesn’t come if they don’t wanna. i come every single time but don’t really participate. i fake participate. i mostly only share things i know don’t matter that much. i put my foot in and hope that’s good enough, that maybe the pool will swim for me if i show up wearing a swim suit.

isn’t that what i’m really doing? i’m having trouble breaking down what’s going on there. i can’t tell. i can’t tell what “real” effort is and what “fake” effort is. i guess fake effort is, like, playing it safe? only changing things i feel comfortable changing? 

but like... how am i supposed to make changes i’m not comfortable with? i think about this stuff all the time. i feel that i should be able to adopt healthier coping/boundary strategies without fundamentally changing the way i approach interactions with other people. that feels like something i shouldn’t change, not just something i don’t want to change. how am i supposed to become the person i want to be if i don’t like the way i am changing? 

i mean i don’t like the way i am changing either way but going for it deliberately feels like a betrayal. 

i’m so stupid. i keep asking mom for advice or comfort even though i know 100% that i am not going to get it from her. she has maybe said one useful thing to me in my life and i don’t think it’s something she also thought was actually useful. maybe i still want someone to just tell me what to do and mom was such an effective all-consuming eldritch helicopter parent that i just look to her EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO. i mean, i don’t even like other people’s parents! i don’t like other people’s parents BECAUSE of my parents!! and i still keep going to them???

i don’t know what to do. i want someone to tell me what to do so i don’t have to figure it out myself. i’m so tired all the time it feels like i’m never going to figure it out. i can’t tell if i’m an effective problem-solver for little problems that require improvisation or if i’m just really good at googling stuff and following those directions, written by someone else. every problem i solve i feel like i should attribute to someone else even when i never actually asked for help or looked anything up. i can’t even remember any examples off the top of my head. i don’t think about them. i just do them.

i said “i” a lot today. i always talk about myself. even though this is my journal and is specifically meant for me to talk about myself? i feel like i’m doing something wrong. even using “i” statements when being honest and direct with people feels like... i’m being selfish by talking about myself. even though that’s what you’re supposed to do, that’s what therapists teach you to do to communicate effectively.

i promise i was this miserable this afternoon. i didn’t “ruin a good mood” i had tonight by focusing on just the negatives. i just plain feel bad!

[swearronchanel]

continuing the hiatus with 4.05

Well I'm here avoiding responsibilities as usual, pretending that I don't have class in the morning or any laundry to do but like I said I've been watching shameless and I need a little wholesome ctm to balance it out lol & @ilovemushystuff recommended I watch 4.05 *thank u 😌*but let us go on this journey together 🙃...

the clothes lines remind me of home bc we don't have a dryer in our apartment haha & when it's cold out my mom hangs everything up around the house it's a hilarious nyc struggle lol

my bby shelagh!! 💕 so precious pushing the pram! omg we get to see this again next series *hopefully* with unnamed baby turner 😭!!

aw I miss summer!! I love being out in the summer *plus my birthday is in August*🙃

Ahh aren't we glad Shelagh got new dresses, cause I'm not feeling this one lol

Jenny Agutter's smile w/ her eyebrows raised >>, am I right

Wait this is the osteogenesis imperfecta case right ??

Laura looking angelic but that is not at all new, I just have to always mention it

Now all I can do is stare at her hair bc of this debate earlier 😂 what color?? 

but damn I don't like this dress either I forgot how disrespectful the costume designers were in series 4😂😂

Patrick grabbing her hand saying thank you ugh so pure 😭😢

"Two weeks in Lyme Regis does sound nice" ugh Shelagh's so adorable but LETS HERE IT FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT™ BC SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY ASK TO GO ON  HOLIDAY EVEN THOUGH SHE OBVIOUSLY WANTED TO & IN THE NEXT SERIES SHE PLANNED THE WHOLE DAMN TRIP WITHOUT TELLING HIM👏🏼 LOVE IT lol even though camping was a disaster

It's been 3 fucking mins and look at all the shit I've said wow I hate me

Pats and Trix!! I miss their friendship

Haha omg this is right after Trixie and Tom broke up #awkward

"Wild peach, isn't it glorious?" I love my other bby trixie. We are so similar but she's better 💕

PHYLLIS OUT HERE YES

"Roasted like a Sunday dinner" LMAO

aw this is the episode with the Sylheti mum, here's some quality early Babs

SISTER E 😭😭😭 I miss her aww

Omg &Sister Mary Cynthia! she just became a nun aw I miss her being so happy 💔 I hope she's in the Christmas special or Series 7 Premiere

"Ready?" ugh I just think of all the times we're heard that, like Trixie asking Shelagh when she was about to get married *hello my two favs interacting its iconic for me* or when Trixie told Sister MC off she wanted to ask her if she was ready when she went to become a postulant like if she was getting married,  my heart 😭 UPDATE: I made a post about it

speaking of my gal Beatrix here she is again

I want to be that platinum blonde tbh

Sister Julienne saying "little man" yes I'm here for this such thing

little Raymond like ST Raymond or the baby that was left on the steps .. wait what happened to him? I forgot lol it's been a while

I do not like Sister Mj's absence

but yes her nephew! Did he just like stop picking her up??

Aw Trixie wanted to hug sister MC I can tell, nuns can hug though why didn't she?

we were robbed of a cute sister MC & sister W young- nun dynamic duo

but I like sister Winifred so much more now she's lowkey golden

Diphtheria yikes

LMAO FRED HAS A DU RAG ON ??

I forgot that the old nurses uniforms were so washed out looking

sweetie, if a ANGLICAN NUN is telling you the baby needs more than prayer wouldn't you believe it ??

like wtf is Christian scientist anyway, yo no se

lol calm down Barbara that's a lot to translate

woah Pat's looks hella good with her hair like that 😍

my bby Trixie serving looks but is heartbroken 😍😢💔

THE PICTURE OF HER AND CYNTHIA!! THAT IS NOW ON HER VANITY MIRROR !! MY H E A R T

*twerks to the bicycle song*

"She says where he goes, we go - even the moon" ahh again my heart!! & it's so similar to what shelagh said in the last Christmas special 😭💕 *i think it was a bible reference but I can't remember bc my memory is fuzzy from being a reckless heathen* jk jk😂

How does a faja type belt help her?

I initially really liked Trixie and Tom but I'm so glad they found better matches

yo I'd be shook though if my baby's bones kept breaking and I didn't know why omg

The nurses being cute eating popsicles outside lol

aw wait Fred and Violet weren't together yet here, they're so cute haha

again so wild, like imagine no one knowing what your baby is hurt and no one believing that you didn't abuse your child?! I cNt

so scary

Ameerah is so pretty & how sweet omg she brought Babs a dish. She misses having girl friends omg!

The Poor Pentergasts

I feel you Mrs ^, I scream into my hands at least 3x a day *for obvs diff reasons*

Baby Angela💕💕 so precious

aw Patrick & Shelagh😭 but now that shelagh's been on her nightie game this blue nightgown should finally go #hereforthebrinylon™

Shit now Patrick is going to realize and blame himself

let Patrick not feel guilty for anything in series 7, cut this guy a break pls

osteogenesis imperfecta yup I remembered ✔️ well I remember watching this with my mom & her calling if before they knew it and I was annoyed bc She can't just watch she always has to be a nurse & put her opinion out there😂 like we watched the finale yesterday and I thought there'd be some suspense but nah she knew the pill gave her a deadly blood clot😒she was surprised they killed the first women described it to though

Shelagh's face while Patrick gets in the ambulance 😭💔

I miss the nuns singing !! mainly miss Laura singing but still!! it's very peaceful you feel?? let me hear some hymns

I feel you Patrick, you smoke that cig

Alright damn Mr Pentergast, I feel your anger but wtf were they supposed to think??

I get anxious watching Patrick be anxious tbh omg xzjkalsfo

the way he fidgets the pen so relatable

Shelagh kissing him on the forehead and the cheek 😢😭💔💕melts my cold little heart

"I don't want my Geraldine being seen by the receptionist" fuck u lady she's the best damn nurse out here Lmaoo

But seriously did everyone just forget she was a nurse/midwife when she was a nun? it has only been like a year since she left and got married so I wouldn’t think people would forget just yet but maybe? wtf lol. I feel like their story was such gossip that it'd be unforgettable? that's just me Lmaoo

Go get that uniform Shelagh!!!

she's so patient, dios te bendiga. She’s too good.

my angry self would've been like "do 👏🏼 ya👏🏼not👏🏼get👏🏼that👏🏼I 👏🏼was👏🏼 a nurse 👏🏼and 👏🏼delivered 👏🏼like 👏🏼half 👏🏼of 👏🏼your👏🏼 gremlin 👏🏼 children?!" Or "you don't want me to help? Okay there's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out"!

SHE'S GETTING THE UNIFORM PEOPLE

okay I don't think I've ever thought about it until now but Shelagh talks about Patrick's war neurosis with Sister Julienne like she already knew?? I bet Shelagh went to her after the adoption interview 😭

ugh I love their friendship/relationship it's so pure

This whole show is so pure! how can it remind you of the darkness in the world while still giving you faith in humanity??  There's nothing like it

I told you I caught my mom up with series 6 & she was just like "I can't believe we have to wait so long. Why can't America make a show as great as this?"

I then said "I know I have like no reason to live until Christmas" but she said i was being dramatic oops

*cue in the mirror*✨

SHE'S PUTTING ON THE UNIFORM PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

you guys don't get how happy this made me when I first saw it omg, I was so tired of seeing her sad/upset and lost and distressed and everything but happy but THEN SHE PUT THE UNIFORM ON AND THE LITTLE HAT AND LOOKED IN THE DAMN MIRROR WITH HER MILLON DOLLAR SMILE AND I WANTED TO COMBUST I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS IN TEARS😭😭💖💖

SHELAGH TURNER DESERVES THE WORLD AND MORE, I WILL ALLOW NO ONE TO DISAGREE

AND IF U DO WE CAN FIGHT RN

I'm so proud of how far my bby has come ugh I can't deal

It's 1am why am I being a little emotional bitch™ ?? Ugh I just love this character

I'd fight for Shealgh or Trixie/ Laura and Helen in real life. They are gifts we don't deserve

BUT ALSO, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME ALL THESE PEOPLE DIDNT BELIEVE SHE WAS A NURSE & THEN SAW HER IN A NURSE UNIFORM THE NEXT TIME AND QUESTIONED NOTHING???

Like I know it wasn't the same people but still word gets around?

Shelagh and Tim's hug aww

Can we pls see a cute moment between them? We were played with that hospital scene in 6.4 bc it was like 2 seconds long

Patrick's pyjamas though >

the flat filled with things from patients is so sweet aww

How did no one else in Ameera's house get sick though?

Angela looking so adorable wow what a pretty baby

the real million $ question is, will we ever see Mrs B? Probs not Lmaoo

Still waiting for the day Timothy Turner has an angsty teen moment bc his unrealistic perfect child-ness has been going on too long

Disregarding that time he was mean to Shelagh in series 3, I won't forget it bc I wanted to smack him 😂👋🏼

*shelagh voice* Dr Turner's back to save poplar from ill health and disease

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SHELAGH WHEN HE REALIZES IT WAS HER IN THE NURSES UNIFORM

ALSO I'm sure he realized a kink he didn't know he had lol 😭😂

tracheotomy 😬 how do they make it look so real ahhh!? wild

"..Because I have you" BYEEEE 😭😭💖💔💔💔 my heart melted into a puddle & I can no longer live

the first kiss that you can't even see !! But still it took a season & a half for the married couple to kiss!😂

Ok shh Vanessa is gonna say something profound I must hear

Who tf am i talking to? I'm losing my damn marbles

And yes that's a Hook reference

"Humanity is fragile and all the sunshine in the world can't save the frail or make the delicate invincible but love has the power to strengthen and protect and guide us to a place where we feel sheltered and fulfilled. Where it doesn't matter if it rains for we are home and dry"

UGH SUCH GOLD!!!

And Shelagh holding Angela next to Ameerah and her new baby, my heart!!

such an amazing show

The End.. until next time..

[missabigailwyatt]

Phenomenal Buzzard (Another Small Drabble/Ficlet/Whatever)

Just another very short burst of fic that came to mind, inspired by the events of last night’s Smackdown Live. Unlike the office one, this contains headcanon AND spoilers. @allgirlswrestlingclub​ @helluvawriter​ @laochbaineann​ @moxtiel​ @gelinas22​ @heyitstatianita​ (if anyone else ever wants to be tagged, just say so :3 ) “Good luck trying to run that place without this face, you sacks of shit!” How dare they fire the Phenomenal One! He was the only one keeping Smackdown on top…at least, that’s what AJ Styles thought anyway. And now he was outside their current arena with the show just about finished. Luckily fans hadn’t yet started gathering to catch a glimpse of the roster’s stars, so he was able to put up his hood and slip away without anyone properly noticing him. Except someone did notice; the Eater of the Worlds, or Bray Wyatt as he was more commonly known. “Leaving so soon, man?” He asked, sounding oddly concerned. “Erm…” AJ didn’t know what disturbed him more; the fact that Bray had appeared out of nowhere, or the dirt on his face that was making him look more like a tramp than usual. “You look filthy,” AJ said, raising an eyebrow. “Someone push you into the dirt or something?” “I’ll explain later, man,” Bray responded, then looking at the suitcase in the Phenomenal One’s hand. “Did you…did you get kicked out?” “Yeah,” he replied, but his scoff seemed too much like a chuckle. “And everyone on that roster except for Dolph just lost a fifty dollar bet.” “How do you work that one out, man?” “Because we were all sure the first man Daniel Bryan would fire would be you.” “But if I’m not here, how will he and Randy have their sick fun?” Bray questioned in response, smirking as he then wiped some of the ash from his face; the ash around his eyes still prominent, he was now looking like an unusual, bearded Giant Panda. “Ugh, I nearly wish I’d never left Japan!” AJ exclaimed, though his face soon donned a puzzled expression. “Wait, what am I saying? No I don’t. Ugh. Orokana baka.” “Whatever that was, I hope it wasn’t about me.” “Don’t worry, it wasn’t. You haven’t been pissing me off…ok, maybe a little but on the extent Shane and Daniel have been. And you just know they’re gonna stop me from training in the usual places before this stupid match. Might aswell not be wrestling at Mania this year.” "Let me get this straight, man. You were fired but you’re still wrestling one more match? Did you change your name to Christian or something?” "Oh haha. Very funny. I honestly don’t get it either.” “They could be trying to make an example of you,” Bray then suggested, not sounding very impressed. “Wouldn’t put it past them. Hey, if you have nowhere else to stay, you can always go and stay at the new compound with Abby for a while. She’d probably love that, she has a soft spot for you.” “You really got a new compound built so quickly?” AJ asked, his tone rife with disbelief. An eyebrow was raised; AJ was the first one to not question just how exactly Abby was still fitting into the situation but to be fair, the guy had just been fired. His mind was most likely all over the place. “It’s nothing special, man” the Eater of Worlds replied, rather matter-of-factly. “But it’s liveable.” “You’re being nice,” the Phenomenal One then said, looking suspicious. “You never do nice.” “How dare you, man! I do nice a lot. Just people like Daniel and Randy don’t appreciate it, that’s all. Besides, I’m on your side, man. I know what it’s like to have opportunities taken off you from people higher up. You should be in that match with me, not that snake.” “It doesn’t help I might have seen a sign that said ‘Randy used Arson, it’s Super Effective!’ in the crowd tonight,” AJ then said, seeming to cringe a little. “Though given how dirty you are right now, you could be a Ground type and Fire isn’t effective against Ground.” “….what the hell are you on about, man?!” “Sorry, sorry,” the shorter male apologised, rubbing the back of his neck in an embarrassed way. “I got into Pokemon in a big way when I wrestled in Japan. A lot of the non-native guys get into some sort of gaming or anime culture. Though I didn’t name one of my moves after a Final Fantasy villain like a certain someone.” “Nah, you turned into a Soccer Mom, whatever that is,” Bray retorted, grinning. “As you would say, how dare you, man!” AJ exclaimed, pretending to be annoyed but he couldn’t help grinning aswell. “I…I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’ll take you up on your offer. Just don’t expect me to join that damn Family of yours or I’ll Styles Clash you so badly, not even your own undead sister will recognise you.”

[alicedoessurveys]

165 Questions

(this took a couple days to complete so I don't know if the answers will even make sense haha)

did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?   we didn't really have a ‘health class’ at our school. we had a whole day once a term where our usual lessons were cancelled and we were all split off into different groups to learn all that shit. i used to stay home on those days because the routine change sent my anxiety sky high

what are your feelings regarding shopping?   i like it when I'm in the right mood

do you think people have any misconceptions about you? i think people sometimes mistake me for being rude or stuck up when its actually that I'm quite shy

have you ever worn fishnets? Nope

do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? my sister’s house

do you believe prayer really works? i do, especially after this week

do you have one best friend who is always there for you? kind of

describe one of your most emotional farewells. not really had any emotional farewells

have you ever been tied up? eh, nope.. well not in a serious way :’)

how many times have you been cussed out? i dont think i really have been in a genuine way, only ever jokingly

does it bother you when people ask personal questions? not really, if it did i wouldn't have a tumblr just for surveys haha

do you know anyone who’s been in jail? dont think so nope

have you ever considered acupuncture? Nope i cant do needles

have you ever watched the same sex undress? only when it happens in films/tv but never watched a guy get fully naked aha

have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Nope

have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yeah, but only a handful of times

do you enjoy mario games? not really played Mario games tbh

do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) not sure

does it bother you when dogs lick you? i love my dogs but i don't really like being licked, i don't like the feeling of it especially on my face or feet

do you feed your pets human food? Occasionally, but we always double check before that its nothing poisonous or anything

which is worse: being sexist or racist? dont even get me started. They're both as bad as each other. The thing about racism is that its never picked up on when it happens to a white person. We experience it too, but for some reason it doesn't count if you're white.. Racism is NEVER okay and it affects ALL races. White people, black people and every skin colour in between.

do you think suicide is selfish? Only if the way you do it affects someone else. for example, jumping in front of a train or car, or throwing yourself of the top floor of a busy shopping centre in front of loads of people. thats when it gets selfish because youre forcing other people to witness something that could be potentially traumatising and could disturb them for the rest of their lives. Especially when it involves jumping in front of a vehicle because that driver has to live their life knowing that someone died because they hit them with whatever they were driving. personally, if someone jumped in front of my car and ended up dying i would never drive again and it would ruin my life. so yeah, thats when suicide is selfish, and this was a long answer haha

would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? No

what are the most embarrassing songs in your itunes library? probably glee songs

how picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? seems I'm not fussy enough from past experience :’)

do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? i wouldn't know

in your opinion, is it ever okay to get back with an ex? depends on the situation and why you broke up

what’s the first animal you go to see at the zoo? Whichever is closest to the entrance. we always need a system when we go to the zoo so we see everything haha

what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? when i went to australia zoo there were loads of creatures i didn't even know existed and i cant remember any of the names

what animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn’t be? im not sure. i think as long as the animals have a good way of life, are treated right and are happy then theres no reason why they shouldn't be at the zoo. and if being there means they're protected and can help the species not to go extinct then thats awesome!

do you like zoos or aren’t you bothered? i like the a trip to the zoo :) I'm gonna love taking a foster kid to the zoo

i offer you a cigarette, you say… no, and do not smoke anywhere near me

why do you think you were put on this earth? i haven't quite figured it out yet

is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? it is never okay to hit a child

do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation also? Maybe slightly, i think it can de-sensitise us and make us see violence as more normal. BUT saying that, i play gta and it doesn't make me want to go round punching/shooting people so it depends on the person i guess..

are you in any shape or form, racist? No. i don't understand it at all. at the end of the day, we’re all humans no matter where were born, what our nationality is, skin colour is. It doesn't matter. A person is a person.

are you in any shape or form, sexist? again it doesn't matter what gender you are, you're still a human being

how do you think the world will end? as a christian, i believe it ends when God decides it will end.

what natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? Aurora borealis or however you spell it

would you kill someone who killed a child? how about YOUR child? i dont think i could ever kill someone.

what is your favorite cover of a song? pretty much everything Pentatonix does. I LOVE their cover of ‘Hallelujah'

have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? neve been in love

have you ever received or given a make-over? Yup, received a few. given a few, my male best friend was the best because he let us do a photoshoot of him in full make up and i still have the pictures :’)

do you know anyone who is HIV+? not that i know of

have you ever been to a desert? no, i was supposed to go riding camels in the desert while on holiday but i got sick and spent two days stuck in the hotel in bed

do you know any trans* people? Nope

what is your favorite beatles song? let it be.. is that them? Idk

what is the poorest you have ever been? Teenage years when i got £70 to last a month but it basically all went on my gym membership and bills.

i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? dont really follow any gamers, i like watching pointless blog play sims though

is there something written on your shirt right now? nope, its a plain black shirt

what is your favorite song to play on guitar hero or rock band? i dont play either of those

where do you find the surveys you take? i follow a load of survey Tumblrs and steal ‘em of there

what’s one weird/annoying thing your pet(s) tend to do? Sit at the door and bark every time they see a squirrel. or a bird. or a shadow. Literally anything and one of them will bark, then they all start barking and having four dogs barking its an absolute headache.

what’s your favorite song by your favorite artist?   oh i cant answer that, i have too many favourites.

do you have an “original character?” i dont really get the question

what about a persona/fursona?   wut..?

do you ever MAKE your own surveys? nope im not very original

why’s it the woman who have to give birth anyway if the man is physically stronger in most cases? first of all, rude. secondly, its all Eve’s fault.. read the bible

do you get good internet where you live? yeah its alright most of the time

ever had a cavity? how many? Never

ever broken a tooth? Nope

what did you do on the playground at your school as a child? i liked playing make believe. me and my friend in primary school came up with our own pretend kids tv show called witches and fairies where she played a witch, i played a fairy and we had adventures :’)

are you into comics? a bit

did you ever have computer disc games you played as a kid? Sims!! Rollercoaster tycoon & zoo tycoon.

what do you think of people who have therapists? Brave. I've had a few therapists during school/college so i know how difficult it is and i gave up on therapy so i really admire people who stick with it

do you have any of those adult coloring books? i have a few, my favourite is one full of the original Alice in wonderland artwork. ALSO i found out the other day theres a fantastic beasts one and i rally want it

ever ridden an elephant?   Nope

deserts: dreary or beautiful?   i think they can look beautiful in pictures but i imagine they'd be dreary irl

ever seen a panda?   only in pictures

what kind a camera do you have?   my phone is my main camera. i do own a Sony a290 dslr that i have to buy for college but i don't use it anymore

do you have stretch marks? where? don’t be shy, they’re tiger stripes! i do, on my thighs

lobsters: cool or scary? Scary

opposoms: total vermin or cute? i dont know what they are

what tv channel dominated your childhood?   Cbbc

ever actually seen a snake in the wild? dont think i have nope

have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? NO! Snakes scare me

ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! i have not nope

do you like oatmeal? Nope

wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? does England have a national bird?!

ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? Nope. i would like a bearded dragon, but having to feed it live bugs freaks me out. even just the thought of having the bugs in my house i cant even

ever play hearthstone? dont know what that is..

ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot?   No. and I'm disgusted by people who do hunt

how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught?   i used to fish with my grandad when i was a kid, but i only ever caught small ones

coolest place you’ve ever been fishing?   Idk I've only ever been to lakes on camp sites

which is cooler: african or asian elephant? i didn't know there was a difference

craziest thing you’ve ever eaten? i dont eat crazy stuff, I'm too scared of eating crazy stuff

what’s in a camel’s back? Idk ask the camel

steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? Brave. i love Steve irwin, i think he did great work and its a shame he died. I've been to his zoo in australia and I’ve never seen happier animals in a zoo. we spent at least half an hour watching the tigers play in the water with the zoo keepers and you could tell there was a genuine love between them.

what do you think of people who put their whole life on social media? If thats what they want to do then fine.

don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra?   nope. if wearing a push up bra makes you feel better about yourself and gives you confidence then you do it!

do you truly believe we came from chimps? No

well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them?   Idk

if you could choose anyone to be your father, who would it be? my dad

weirdest video game you’ve ever played? i dont think I've played any weird games tbh

we’re having a pig-pickin’! whatcha eating? a what?

ever been on a scary hay ride? no I'm a chicken

ever been to a castle?   Yuppie live like half an hour away from Warwick castle so I've been there a lot in my life

what’s your favorite kind of penguin? rockhopper- we had to make penguin masks in college for one of the shows the actors were doing so i made a mask of a rockhopper penguin

whales. should they be allowed in sea world? if they're treated right then yeah

ever seen an albino? whether it be human or animal?   yeah there was someone in my school who was albino

what do you think of the song “miss jackson” by panic! at the disco? Don't think I've heard it

what is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? it used to be a picture of me and him but i don't know if he's changed it

do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? No

do you like using big words when you talk? No I tend to say words wrong and make a fool of myself

do you EVER use caps lock? Rarely. i cant read things very well if they're written in capitals

are you loud when you’re having sex?  Doubt it

have you ever wanted to drop out of school? yes, i hated school but in England you're not allowed to just drop out

when was the last time you watched south park? dont think I've ever watched it

are you italian? nope

are you interested in photography at all? Yes i enjoy taking photos and used to be super into it but when i studied it in college i had such an awful time it kinda ruined it

any survey takers that annoy you on tumblr? nope

do you like bob marley? hes alright, I've not really listened to his music much so i don't really have an opinion

can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? my mom, pretty much yeah. dad, not so much.

are you interested in art? a bit, not a lot though

don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? no i think were not spending enough. we should all be way more concerned with global warming than we are

everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? i dont have a first favourite so i cant have a second favourite. i just have a big list of favourites

who’s your favorite disney character? again, i don't have a favourite there are too many. i tend to like the sidekicks in the movies more than the main characters like Sven & Olaf from frozen, Pascal & Maximus from Tangled etc

have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? Nope

do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? Vitamin C

how much was your prom dress? what’s the most you’d spend? my prom dress wasn't very expensive, I can't remember exactly how much it was. I still have it in my wardrobe but I don't like it 

would you marry someone of a different religion? Possibly, if i loved them enough. and if they understood i wouldn't change my religion

how did you learn the word “fuck”? probably at school

if you could make one of your enemies your best friend, who would it be? i dont have enemies so idk

what is the last movie you saw in theaters? Passengers

have you ever got into a wreck?   not a serious one nope

do you think you are an argumentative person? Not really, unless its something I'm passionate about or if I'm hurt by something

can you admit when you’re wrong?   Yeah

are you easily confused? very :’)

do you think you would make a good wife/husband?   i think i would

have you ever caught a butterfly?   not on purpose.

have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? nope i dont drink so i wouldn't try make anyone else

do you like being kissed on the neck? no, it feels gross

favorite song by the band the offspring? never heard of them

how many times each morning do you press the snooze button? i dont set an alarm often and when i do i don't press snooze

when you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? normally fries

what video game or computer game are you best at? sims

how do you normally come across new music? listening to the radio, or when ads or videos use a song i like the sound of i find out what it is

what subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? English, I've never had to analyse a book or poem in my life since leaving school

do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? no they're annoying

are you pretty politically correct? idk probably

have you ever behaved like a stalker?   probably online yeah :’)

do you appreciate other people’s opinions?   depends what its about

if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be?   pet name for myself or for an actual pet..? I've already decided when i get my own dog i want to call it moose

do you care what’s going on in the world? i care, but i don't make an effort to find out cause its usually all depressing stuff

how many partners is too many? at one time or like in a lifetime..? lifetime it doesn't matter but if you have more than one parter at once then thats too many

do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose?   nope

do you prefer boys to shave down there?   Idk

how much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)?   she knows its non existent

are any of your siblings married? what are their spouse’s names?   Nope ut she lived with her partner Tom

have you ever had a pet bird?   Yeah, we used to own to cockatoos called bobby and beauty

how many times have you moved in your lifetime? 2

if you could get one piercing and one tattoo, where would you want them?   dont want any piecrings. i have a tattoo already but i want another one on my ankle/foot of a lighthouse

would you consider yourself to be adventurous?   Nope

has any part of your house ever been flooded?   dont think so

is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? who and why? our foster baby, he's two weeks old tomorrow but he's still in hospital with drug withdrawals so he cant come home yet

if you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? to what organization would you donate it?                                                                                              I would donate to dogs home or a mental health charity

describe the best friend you’ve ever had, or the best person you’ve ever known.   I cab right now 

have you ever adopted a stray animal?   We've adopted a few dogs in my lifetime but none recently

what time did you wake up this morning?   about 9am

ever wonder if you’re someone’s everything?   yeah, i cant see anyone getting to know me and being like ‘shes perfect for me’ like srsly I'm too much of a mess

would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde?   not platinum nope

what is your mom’s middle name?   Anne

do you know the color of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s eyes? n/a

have you had your wisdom teeth out?   Nope

your appendix?   yeah, mine burst when i was two years old and tried to kill me haha

[purplesurveys]

763

Why did you last feel like crying? My thesis was making me anxious and the songs off of Petals for Armor are still very fresh and are resonating with me very strongly for now, so those things happening at the same time nearly made me cry over breakfast.

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? Infuriated is a strong word. I suppose I last felt it when I heard the news of the police shooting a former soldier with PTSD for going out without his face mask on to get groceries. You don’t fucking KILL anyone for not having a mask, you educate them and you fucking give them one.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Uhhh it really depends. Most of the time I always want to address stuff maturely and make sure my emotions are in check before I respond to anything; but there are also times I’ll give myself a treat and allow myself to be petty, letting my emotions control me.

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? Some secrets will make it to Gabie, but I mainly tell her only because she’s so forgetful and will forget most details in the next hour. I don’t tell her much more personal secrets, like if someone came out to me.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? We don’t really have talks where we talk about our negative qualities; my friends and I do have similar talks, but instead what we do is we’ll raise events in the past where one of us may have annoyed another and be like, “I actually didn’t like when you did/said this or that before.” I’m lucky to have good friends who can be honest and mature about this kind of stuff.

What quality do you think you have that others don't think you do? You’d have to ask them first. I don’t always keep track of how people think of me.

Do you often "jump" to conclusions? Only when I’m expecting a worst-case scenario to happen. I like to always expect the worst so that the actual outcome doesn’t disappoint me as much.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? It ranges from wary to completely uncomfortable. I never find the prospect of being surrounded by strangers ‘interesting.’

Do you think you know a lot about the world? Definitely not. I’m incredibly young and I know very little outside of my home and school, so I’m currently holding a weird excitement for graduating and getting a job and finally getting to know the rest of the world bit by bit.

What about the world do you wish you never found out? I don’t think like that. I embrace reality lol give me all the bad, worse, and worst news.

Do you know first aid? We had a) health classes throughout high school that taught us first aid and b) a couple of first aid seminars for NSTP in college. Our final exam in freshman year was for each of us to demonstrate CPR to a mannequin. But for some reason, I still haven’t gotten basic first aid down to a T. I think because I’ve never had to use my learnings in an emergency situation, I always end up forgetting them over time.

Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Oh my god fuck yes, especially my own. Gabie’s nose also bleeds all the time and I always have to excuse myself because I can’t handle the blood, but it also makes me feel like shit that I can’t even help my own girlfriend lmao. I find it so weird because I’ll have no problem watching pro wrestling which has so much more legit blood in it.

Does your first name have an L in it? It does not, but my second and middle names do.

Middle name have a C in it? No. My last name does. You’re always one name off hahaha.

Last name have a R in it? No, but my first does. Catch up bruh.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No.

The word above, does it have any connection to you at all?

Do you prefer classic rock or nope alternative? I have no idea what nope alternative is but that’s a hilarious typo if it’s one. I do listen to alternative music, but nothing classic rock.

Do you like Kings of Leon? Just their songs that went on to become popular. 

How about The Script? Ah no, was never a fan. I don’t get the appeal of their songs, but they’re so wildly popular here I can’t even begin to tell you just how much. They’ve been to Manila 4 or 5 times, which is already essentially equivalent to a million times when it comes to international acts coming to the Philippines. A lot of artists come here, but very very few come back.

Does crying make you feel better? It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does serve as a nice release.

Do you know a girl called Becca? Yup, one of Rita’s older sisters.

How about a guy called Gregory? Not that name exactly but the Spanish/Italian version, Gregorio. We called him Greg. He was a super brief member of our org but he ghosted us not long after he passed the application. 

Does someones background effect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Background effect made me imagine different auras that people would come with if that we’re possible, like stars or hearts hahahaha. ANYWAY it would definitely depend on what aspect of ‘background’ we’re talking about. Someone’s ethnic or racial background wouldn’t bother me at all, but if they just came out of prison for raping someone I wouldn’t want to be around them, especially if their behavior is still a bit off.

How about their religious background? I preferably wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who’s a devout, by-the-book Christian because our beliefs would wildly clash and they’ll just ruin any conversation. I wouldn’t even be able to talk about my girlfriend, for instance.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? No.

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? I used to drink coffee everyday this quarantine, but I had to stop because I was starting to get headaches often. I drink it probably 2-3 times a week now.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? Not really. I don’t think I ever said “I want to be a chef like my dad,” or something along those lines as a kid.

How about a fashion designer? No.

Do you wish that magic was real? Not really. I’m fine with the fact that they’re all tricks, it actually makes it more entertaining that way.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? Eh, at least one person likes each kind of food and I wouldn’t wanna rob them of their joy.

Can you use a bottle opener? I haven’t even tried using one.

Do you own a cheese grater? Yup.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? 7:18 PM.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? It’ll be May 21st, a Thursday.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? Yup, just several goldfish as a kid.

Do you prefer fire or ice? Ice.

Do you rap along with rap songs? If I memorize the verses then yeah I can’t help but rap along.

When happy, do you become more talkative? I think so. I get very chatty when with Gabie so that’s probably why.

Bowling or sailing? Why? Bowling, only because I’ve never been sailing. I bet if I were to sail, I’d prefer that, though. < Yup, exactly this. Bowling is fun though!

What colour is your kettle? The one we have is silver. I don’t have my own.

How about your microwave? It is black.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? Most of the time I’m the one driving, so that makes me pick front by default haha. When I’m not driving though I really prefer sitting at the back as I rarely get to feel like a passenger anymore.

How about in a train? On the bus? I’ve only ridden a train once but wasn’t able to form an opinion about it. When it comes to the bus, it’s always fun being at the back haha especially when I’m riding with friends.

Do you care about politics? Yes, but my concern is mostly for our own. I’m not up to speed with other countries’ governments; I only know enough to form a general opinion about their highest leader, like how Trump is a piece of shit.

Obama or Bush? Obama.

Blair or Brown? I don’t pay much attention to UK politics. < This. But the royal family, that’s a different story HAHAHA

When did you last cook something from scratch? I *helped* my dad bread chicken several few weeks ago, if that counts.

What things make you jealous? I don’t feel jealous a lot, but when I do it’s usually just FOMO.

Are you offended easily by non politically correct language? Sure, especially if the people using them aren’t willing to be educated.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? Can’t relate.

Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I’m hungry since it’s time for dinner. I’m just waiting for my dad to finsh up cooking.

What's your I.Q?   I dunno, I’ve never had it checked.

What's your Mum's Mum called? How about your Dad's Dad? I call both sets of grandparents the traditional Filipino way, Lola for my grandmas and Lolo for my grandpas.

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? Waffles > pancakes > crepes. I’ve never even had crepes before.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? Yeah I think so. We always have enough supply of it in the freezer because both of my parents love their ice cream.

How about chicken nuggets? I think we do but it hasn’t been touched in a while since my dad has preferred preparing real food throughout the quarantine haha.

Do you eat fish often? Yes, both cooked and as sushi. Fish is a huge part of Filipino cuisine because duh, we’re surrounded by water. My family will typically have tuyo, danggit, or dilis (kinds of sun-dried fish) for breakast and you can always find a fish dish or two at birthday parties, whether on its own or relleno (stuffed).

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? I haven’t. There was a time I wanted to, but I didn’t pursue it because I thought I was too thin and unfit to try it out.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Probably.

What person who has died would you bring back and why? Nacho. It wasn’t his time yet.

Do you like watermelon? I like some watermelon-flavored stuff like popsicles, but I don’t eat the fruit.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? January 24, 2015. Couple steps ahead of ya.

Do you make friends easily? I make acquaintances easily, but I choose who to let into my inner circle. I’d make more friends if I wanted to, but I just choose not to.

What makes you different from everyone else? I honestly don’t know. My interests are pretty common and I haven’t had anything super unique happen to me.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? Practice my alma mater’s penmanship, which is always my go-to when I’m asked to write anything haha.

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? Is this a Myspace thing? Lol I don’t really have my photos ‘up’ anywhere on my social media; my accounts just show the latest ones I uploaded.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? It wouldn’t be the first one I’d choose, no.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? No, but my sister went to school with a Pipay. I think her full name was Piper.

I say purple, you think... My great-grandmother. She loved purple and had it everywhere in her home.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I don’t know. I’d rather people who know me answer this as they might be able to come up with different answers, and it’d be interesting to see how they see me.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? It’s nice to be recognized but overall I’m shit at accepting them. 

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? My astrology-believing friends tell me that they match, but I don’t believe in astrology so I don’t think about it all that much and mostly think of it as coincidence.

Do you have a photo album? Yeah my mom was big on albums from when my siblings and I were infants to when we reached pre-teen years. Each of us have two photo albums.

What artists’ paintings do you find the most beautiful? Monet’s.

What about the most disturbing? I find it more sad than disturbing, but I’ve always been affected by artists who made self-portraits as their health was deteriorating over the years.

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? I attended a summer sports clinic for swimming when I was 9.

What was your favourite cartoon as a child? Spongebob. Fairly OddParents was a very very very close second because it was just as funny as Spongebob.

What was your biggest fear as a child? Introducing myself. I always got bullied for my name and got called a tomboy/boy for it more than once, so I was conditioned to be nervous whenever I had to introduce myself and say my own name.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Fly, so I can travel anywhere hah.

What about invisibility or mindreading? Probably invisibility. There are stuff I’d discover in reading minds that I think I’m better off not knowing and I find it a tad bit invasive than being invisible.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? Sure. Just not so much these days since I never get to dress up or fix myself up anymore.

Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Offensive ones.

Can you remember all your past teachers names? There’ll be some grade-subject combos I’ve forgetten about by now, like I no longer remember my 3rd grade English teacher for one. But my memory in general is still quite impressive and I remember most of my past teachers.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I wouldn’t tune in to them religiously but I do love Golden Buzzer compilations from America’s/Britain’s Got Talent.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Only in high school, and it was the more advanced math/science subjects that I really could not start to care for, like chemistry and calculus.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? Kinda? Filipinos are very tiny people so whenever I meet a foreigner I always have to crane my neck all the way up and it does scare me a little bit hahaha.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? Not at all.

What's your favourite thing about your country? I suppose the tourism side of it is wonderful. We’ve always been known for our hospitality, our tour guides are always so friendly and funny, we have beautiful beaches and islands, and Filipinos are generally a nice people and very easy to get along with.

What's your least favourite thing about your country? The colonization, the government, and people who continue to glorify the government as if they can’t do anything wrong.

Who is your favourite bzoinker? I have several favorite survey-makers but I’m too shy to mention them on here lol.

What websites do you have bookmarked? I have soooooooooooo many bookmarks.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? I’ll stick a bow on a Christmas gift if I have one, but otherwise no. < Same, I only get real decorative for Christmas.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? Not at all. My mom is really into cheesy 80s and 90s love songs and I just can’t imagine myself listening to those on my own time lmao. My dad doesn’t have much of a music taste.

What TV show scared you as a kid? Mr. Meaty. What the fuck was that. < HAHAHAHAHAHA this fucking show. That was such a mess; I never understood it but I found it so hilarious. Anyway, I don’t think I was scared of any show as a kid.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? The Simpsons. Family Guy’s jokes can sometimes go too far, and isn’t South Park just blatantly offensive? The humor in The Simpsons is just right for me.