#so I kinda pushed myself off the deep end hoping I don’t drown

[witchy-kittyy]

Some more progress was made. Foreshortening is really difficult and I’m kinda fumbling my way through it ;u; 💛

[bluebeary-jay]

scattered thoughts / sharp focus

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: Joel is taken away from you and upon finding him almost-dead... something in you snaps ((kinda part 2 to clouded judgment / clear mind, but you don't necessarily need to read that one))

Tags: ANGST, angst with happy ending, near death experiences, Joel has surprisingly little screen time but you'll see he was there in spirit

Warnings: REALLY graphic descriptions of violence, small panic attacks, KINDA torture(?) 😳, choking, lemme know if i missed something

Word count: 7.5K

A/N: i can't believe i've finally finished it! i aimed for a worthy successor to cj/cm aaand i hope i managed but jeez was it hard. also i told myself i won't be writing sth like that again but i kinda have an idea for the final part (would be hurt/comfort 🤭) so let me know if it's sth you'd like to read. anyway as always happy reading!! 💕🥰 comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated, i absolutely love seeing what you think of my fics!

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

You swallowed your tears and rested the chin on your hands, trying to push back the wave of panic threatening to drown you.

“Tell me again.”

Tommy sighed, his own eyes empty and worried.

“I don’t know who those guys were, but they obviously knew Joel. There was a dark man leadin’ them, and I think he had somethin’ wrong with his lip, but it was too far for me to take a good look. The group consisted of five, maybe six people? And I shot one of them, but he appeared to still be alive when they were leavin’.”

You were silent for a couple of seconds, trying to make sense of it all.

“And where did they take him?”

“I reckon to the old ski resort on the top of the mountain. We ventured pretty far from here to investigate these tracks.”

You nodded and steeled yourself, taking a deep, trembling breath and quickly drying your tears.

“Okay. I’m going.”

“You’re not.” Maria leaned over the table, her expression unyielding. “The decision is final.”

“I am going,” you repeated fiercely, slamming the flat of your hand against the tabletop, but Tommy gave you a stern look, which made you bite your tongue. “Look, I get that you don’t want to lose even more people in a rescue mission–”

“This is not what it’s about,” Maria retorted, almost looking hurt by your words. “Believe me, if I wasn’t carrying another human being inside me, I’d already be going after them. But you have to take other things into consideration.”

“She’s right,” Tommy spoke up quietly, though equally irritably, and you turned sharply to look at him in disbelief. “The route to the resort is very advantageous to fall into an ambush. They could shoot us off like ducks and we’d have nowhere to hide.”

“I don’t care,” you ground out, looking from one to the other. “We can’t leave Joel. He’s your family, for goddamn–”

“You think I don’t know that?!” shouted Tommy abruptly, bringing his hand down onto the table, too. “He’s my fucking brother and was family way before you were even born!”

“Tommy.” Maria kicked him under the table, keeping one hand on her belly. Her husband flared his nostrils, clearly agitated by your words, but you were too angry yourself to care right now. You two glared at each other for some time before Tommy clenched his fists and turned around.

“M’goin’ to get some air,” he said gloomily over his shoulder, already at the door leading outside. Maria sighed and looked at you again.

“Please. Don’t do anything stupid, and I swear I’ll send a group out as soon as this blizzard ends.”

“He can be long dead by then,” you answered gravely, really set off by Tommy’s reaction and his words. You tried to will your tear ducts to hold any signs of stress and worry, not wanting to show your friend how broken and helpless you felt inside. “If it was me, he’d already be halfway there to save me, Maria.”

“I know. But just think about it. If something happens to you…” She shook her head. “How do you think I’d be able to look Joel in the eyes and explain why… how…”

She genuinely seemed at a loss of words, and you sighed, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

“I understand where you’re coming from, I really do. But I need to get him home, Maria. I have to.”

With that, you stood up, feeling like you were going to suffocate if you stayed in the room any longer. You didn’t look back even when you heard Maria calling your name softly.

There wasn’t any sense in discussing the matter with any of them – you made up your mind to go and save Joel and there was no way anyone would make you stay. He wouldn’t hesitate to go and get you if anyone dared to lay a hand on you.

You remembered that one time when he killed a group of men who wanted to use you as a bargaining chip to gain entry to Jackson. And how afterward you told him you’d do the same for him, unable to bear the painful and guilty expression on his face.

Now you planned on doing just that.

You were scared – of course you were, you weren’t stupid – and the nerves were practically eating you alive, gnawing at your bones and hurting your muscles from the inside out.

But the worst was the fear of never seeing Joel again. Of something happening to him. And you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t at least try…

“I’m coming with you.”

Your head snapped to the side. There stood Ellie – dressed in a warm jacket and a hat that didn’t cover her ears. Her eyes were full of fire, and you recognized the anger and determination in her expression as the same which were almost suffocating you.

Of course she was eavesdropping on the conversation. It was Joel that it was about, after all, her dad in all but one sense.

And suddenly you understood what Maria meant by not being able to look Joel in the eyes if something happened to you.

“No,” you said curtly, walking past her and out onto the street in the direction of your house.

“I’m not asking for permission.” Ellie was right behind you, and the force of her steps showed just how angry and frustrated she was – just like you felt. “I know you’re gonna go after those guys, and I’m coming with you.”

“You’re not,” you repeated more sternly, not turning around to face her. You reached your house and fumbled to open the door. “You’re staying and that’s fina–”

You stopped yourself and sighed, pressing your forehead against the wooden surface.

It was unfair. You were unfair. If those exact words spoken by Maria have set you off so much, you wouldn’t be surprised if Ellie…

“You’re not my fucking mom, remember?” the girl barked angrily, and you let out a shuddering breath, stressed to your limits with everything that happened in the last few hours. “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do just because you’re older!”

It’s okay. It’s gonna be fine. Everything is gonna be okay.

“I know,” you whispered after a couple of seconds of silence, still not turning around. “I’m sorry.”

Ellie didn’t answer. You repeated your quiet mantra and glanced over your shoulder at her. “But Ellie, I… I can’t let you go. Joel would never forgive me if something happened to you.”

Jesus. Exactly like Maria.

Ellie still looked pissed at your earlier words, and she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Well, you’re not the only one who cares about him, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re the one he cares about the most.”

Ellie opened her mouth. Closed it and furrowed her eyebrows, but the irritation in her eyes dimmed. You gave her a small, apologetic smile, trying not to burst into tears.

“He’s gonna be fine, you know,” you lied smoothly, opening the door. “And Maria said she’ll send a group to retrieve him as soon as the storm eases up a bit.”

You didn’t even need to look to know that she didn’t believe you. To be honest, you wouldn’t believe yourself either in this situation.

You waited several seconds to see if the girl wanted to say something else, but after a few moments she spun on her heel and went back, not saying anything. You stared after her, but when the thick snow made her figure just a fuzzy shape, you gently closed the door and pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes.

It’s going to be fine. You’ll get Joel back and all will be okay.

You took a couple of deep – albeit shaky – breaths to pull yourself together, and when you were pretty sure you weren’t about to start crying, you made your way into the kitchen. And stopped short.

At your table sat Tommy, fiddling with his thumbs.

“Fuck, Tommy,” you mumbled, trying to calm down your pounding heart. “You scared the crap out of me.”

The younger Miller looked up, but stayed silent. You looked at each other for a few tense moments, but ultimately you sighed and left him in the kitchen, going to your room to get a backpack and another, more fitting, set of clothes.

He was still there when you returned to the kitchen with your stuff, but you didn’t even pretend you weren’t preparing to head out. The man watched silently as you put the backpack down by the door, went to retrieve and reload your gun, and gathered some essentials on the table, not once glancing in his direction.

You were persistent in ignoring Tommy’s presence, but then he finally spoke up.

“We can go before dawn. I’ll get the horses ready and we will take the fourth gate.”

You froze and stopped what you were doing, then turned around and placed your hand on your hip.

“We can’t take horses up there. Not in this weather.”

“We’ll leave them at the fifteenth checkmark. That place in the East where there are so many swallows durin’ spring.”

You nodded, and your gaze softened when you looked him over. Tommy was just as worried about Joel as you were, you knew it. He was just better at hiding it.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” you murmured, feeling terrible that in such a short amount of time, it was a second person you were apologizing to. “But you know I have to go after him. You know that.”

“Fuck,” he swore quietly, sighing. “Yeah, I know. There’s no way I ain’t goin’ either. Just… I just hate doing somethin’ behind Maria’s back.”

You didn’t answer – because what could you say? That he didn’t have to go with you? As much as you wanted to save Joel, pretending not to care about the dangers or anyone’s opinion, you knew you’d probably die if you went alone. But it didn’t mean you were going to ignore all that Tommy was risking by coming along with you.

“You don’t have to, Tommy,” you whispered. “You have your wife to think about, after all. And your–”

“I know,” he interrupted glumly. “Don’t worry. All of us will come back.”

You nodded. You really hoped he was right.

*****

At first, everything was going according to plan.

At least, until Ellie decided to show up.

She surprised both you and Tommy a couple of miles outside of Jackson, probably thinking that it was far enough that you won’t try to send her away.

You tried anyway. You were understandably furious, not only because she didn’t listen to you, but also that she trailed after you both for so long in this weather. Her reveal caused a short screaming match and a couple of nervous tears shed by you, but eventually you and Tommy decided it’d be more dangerous to make Ellie go back to Jackson alone. So she continued with you to the house where you left your horses, then past it and in the direction of the ski resort.

You didn’t know how many people were at the resort, and there were only the two of you – well, three, counting Ellie, but no matter her stubbornness, you weren’t going to let her go in – and an attack was too risky in this situation.

So you decided to sneak in. To distract and draw the kidnappers’ attention long enough for you to get Joel out.  It was still stupidly risky, but it wasn’t like there were much more options that wouldn’t end in those guys killing all of you. The plan was that Tommy would find a vantage point and be on guard to take down any threats with his sniper rifle if you were noticed, while you go get Joel.

Ellie… Ellie didn’t take no for an answer. And as much as you hated that she tagged along on this dangerous rescue mission, you had to admit that she came prepared. Apparently some time ago Joel taught her how to make trap mines and she pitched the idea of planting some up the mountain to create an avalanche.

Well, you and Tommy were both very much against setting off a full-blown avalanche, but it wasn’t a bad idea per se. So it was agreed that Tommy will help her set the bombs in some strategic places while you wait for a signal to go in.

The sneaking in part was surprisingly easy. The people staying there didn’t leave any guards outside, probably because they didn’t expect that someone would actually look for them in this weather, and it seemed that there weren’t that many of them inside like you feared. You had a vague idea where Joel might be, based on the positioning of the people present, so you reckoned it’ll be the wisest to wait nearby.

It took about an hour of hiding in one of the empty rooms (you had to change your hiding spot once, because someone decided to randomly sweep the perimeter) before you heard distant explosions and panicked, angry yells, and then a rumble of the mountain. You suspected a fair amount of snow was falling down the slope, and you prayed that Ellie and Tommy were in a safe place when that happened.

You heard the sound of footsteps getting further away. Then more of it. It was eerily silent, and you counted to ten in your head, before slowly exiting your hiding spot.

Just as you suspected, Joel was held in the lobby, tied to one of the decorative columns, and even though his back was to you, you’d recognize him anywhere, even by hands or the back of his head alone. A quick glance around the room confirmed that there was no one around, but still you preferred to stay on guard. You silently tip-toed to where he was sitting on the floor, mindful of all the debris scattered on the floor and keeping your head low, and breathed a sigh of relief when you finally reached him.

“Don’t move,” you whispered, barely moving your lips. Your fingers touched his wrist and he budged slightly. You angled your face closer to the left side of his head, hoping he’ll hear you better this way. “It’s me, Joel. I’m gonna get these off you, okay?”

Not waiting for the reply, you took out your knife and started to cut the thick, coarse rope binding Joel’s wrists. You winced at the burns underneath, but you managed not to cut him, which was a feat with how tight the ropes were. He was very still, probably not wanting to handicap you.

“Okay,” you whispered when the last of the thick strands were cut through, and you carefully slid the remnants of the rope from his wrists. “Now follow me, Tommy is…”

Your voice died down when Joel’s arms loosely slumped down, along with his head, and a second later his torso started tilting to the side before heavily hitting the ground.

Your heart stopped in your chest.

“No.” The whispered word escaped you when you hurried around him, now not caring about staying hidden. “No, no, no, please…”

You rolled Joel onto his back and only now saw the damage done to him – his nose broken, face covered in blood, a gash under his left ear, and a still bleeding gunshot wound in his arm. He didn’t look dead, didn’t have that lifeless emptiness around him, but his eyes were closed and his chest was still. You put your ear to his mouth, desperate to feel his breath on your skin, but…

No, it can’t be, it can’t…

You couldn’t feel anything.

“Joel,” you said quietly, taking his face between your hands, but tears were blurring your vision. “Come on, please open your eyes.” A choked sob broke out of your throat and you shook your head when he still didn’t even as much as stir. “Love, please…”

That’s when your eyes landed on a small, glass vial lying discarded some feet away. You looked from it to Joel, tears clouding your vision, and scrambled forward to check it out.

As you suspected, the syringe – because that’s what it turned out to be – had the traces of a thick, translucent liquid in it left. There wasn’t any writing on it, but the glass was clean, unlike various other bottles and wrappings scattered throughout the facility. You stared at it for a couple of seconds, then fixed your gaze on Joel again.

Just as the sound of footsteps started to echo down the hall.

You froze and strained your ears to make sure you didn’t imagine it, then took a look around the room. The doors were slightly ajar, but whoever was coming here, they couldn’t see you just yet. Panic seized your insides and you turned to Joel again.

“Sweetheart, please wake up,” you whispered pleadingly, shaking his shoulders and slapping his cheek lightly. “Come on, look at me, open your eyes…"

The steps were getting louder by the second. You tore the glove off your hand with your teeth and tried to very quickly check Joel’s pulse, but either in your panic you couldn’t find it, or the heartbeat was too slow for you to pick up.

You didn’t consider any other option.

There wasn’t much time left, so finally you left him and quietly went to hide behind the door, waiting for the incomer to walk in. Your hand reached for the gun on your belt.

And paused.

There couldn’t be any other option… right? Joel was alive, you just failed to find his pulse. He…

He was lying, still in the place you left him, and you couldn’t see his chest moving. The blood was flowing from the wound in his arm, staining his jacket and the floor… Your hand, the one holding the pistol, was covered in it, too…

Then you did something you never expected of yourself.

The gun stayed in its holster, and you went to grab from the ground one of the heavier pieces of debris you noticed before, a long metal pipe. Your hands tightened on the metal, and your eyes stayed on Joel’s lifeless form. You took a stifled, nervous breath. Then a deep, steadying one.

The person in the hall was really close now. Joel still didn’t appear to be moving or breathing, and it made your own chest feel tight and painful.

He couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t.

But if they did this, if… if he won’t ever open his beautiful brown eyes again, say your name in that entricing raspy drawl…

The doors to your right opened and your face twisted in rage and resentment. Your muscles tensed and focus sharpened.

The man who walked through the door made a noise of surprise at the sight of Joel lying on the floor – and that inhaling sound, that maddening noise seemed to taunt you, because how dared he breathe when Joel’s own breath was stolen from him, when you weren’t sure if it was still there – right before you stepped forward and swung the pipe with all your might.

The man – dark skin, with short hair – fell down with a loud cry when the harsh metal hit him right in the temple. Your eyes scanned his figure for a weapon, and you hit him again, this time somewhere near his stomach, when he made a move to reach for his knife.

“What did you give him?!” you asked with malice and venom that were so alien to you, you almost didn’t recognize your voice. The man’s eyes focused on you for the first time when you kicked his blade away, and his confusion turned to anger.

“Crazy bitch!” he spat, heaving for air, and lunged at you, but the open wound in his skull must’ve slowed him down, because without any problem you managed to raise your makeshift weapon before he could grab you.

Since you met him so many years ago, you always had Joel to watch your back. Now you were alone, but somehow that thought didn’t scare you. It exhilarated you.

An unpleasant, hair-rising crack echoed in the room, followed by the stranger’s scream, when the heavy metal smashed the bones in the forearm.

“I asked… a simple, fucking, question!” you snarled at the man, bringing the pipe down again, aiming for his hand this time. He moved it away at the last second, which enraged you even more, so with a mad, frustrated scream, you smashed his knee, using the pipe’s momentum when it bounced off the floor. “What the fuck did you do to him?!!”

He screamed, loudly and terribly, cursing at you with every shaky breath he took, and–

You felt so unlike you, so… out of your skin, somehow… but you wanted to make him suffer. You wanted to know this inhuman cry of pain that was reverberating through the walls of the resort was your doing and your power over this bastard. Because of what they did to Joel.

Then a loud bang rang out in the air, and you instinctively ducked your head when a part of the door to your side was shot off. You dropped the pipe – no use for it now – and drew your gun, noticing with surprise that your heart was steady and your breath even, as if you didn’t almost get shot just now.

Another bullet was sent in your direction, and a woman’s voice yelled something inaudible, while you stood still and counted the seconds.

Three, two…

In a rapid movement, you came out of cover and aimed at the person standing in the hall, firing twice. The first bullet hit the woman in the arm while the second seemed to burrow itself in her stomach. She fell backwards with a curt cry, and the man lying at your feet roared with rage.

“No! You fucking bitch, leave her alone!!”

Your motions were almost automatic as you put your gun away and picked up the metal pipe again, its end splattered with blood. The man in front of you had to see something in your eyes – despair? emptiness? hatred? – because his face fell and he started quietly begging for you to stop and let him go. At least that’s what you assumed he was saying, because you didn’t listen to him one bit.

“Do not…” you started, unexpectedly calmly, bringing the end of the blunt weapon down. The impact caused his shinbone to break, and you lingered for just a moment to hear the bitter cracks of the shattered bones, “fucking… go anywhere. Don’t you dare move, hear me?”

The man didn’t answer, just cursed and wept in pain. The sound was horrible, but you almost didn’t notice it – or more accurately, didn’t care. Which would be even more concerning if you weren’t aware of the woman lying injured in the hall behind the door, and Joel, still unmoving and cold to the touch on the other side of the room.

Slowly, not hearing the black man’s cries or distant gunshots from where Tommy probably was taking down the enemies, and not caring about the blood of a stranger covering your jacket and pants, you dropped the pipe and took out your gun again. Then you made your way down the corridor, your eyes locked on the woman who shot at you.

She was groaning in pain, clutching at her stomach. When she noticed you, her hand reached for the pistol which lay discarded next to her, but you quickly lifted your own and aimed at her before she touched it.

“Don’t move,” you murmured, which would sound almost soft if it weren’t for the empty look in your eyes. The woman scanned you up and down, and slowly lifted her hands.

“Who are you?”

“What did you give him?” you asked like you didn’t hear her, coming closer to kick away her gun to the far end of the hall. The woman’s eyes followed the weapon, then shifted to you.

“Do you even know what that man did? What is he guilty of?”

“I know. Now answer the damn question. What did you give–”

The door on your left slammed open and you only had time to turn your head before a heavy body collided with you, pushing you to the wall. Your head hit the bricks with an echoing crack, knocking the breath out of you. A man who surprised you grabbed the material of your jacket and slammed you into the wall again, but you managed to grab his hair and yank it hard, which allowed you to step to the side and away from the point of disadvantage that being trapped against the wall was.

The man – taller than you, with a black eye and without one of the front teeth – was quick to recover, however, and catched the wrist of your hand that held the gun, pushing it to the side when you pulled the trigger. From the corner of your eye you could see the woman you shot curling up and covering her head, then trying to scamper away, but the wound in her stomach was a significant impediment.

You fired again, trying to wrestle the gun from the man, but his grip was strong and after a few seconds of struggle he managed to knock the weapon out of your grasp, sending it flying to where you kicked off the woman’s one earlier.

Not sooner than your hands were empty, his elbow collided with your face, hard, and you cried when a gush of blood started pouring from the broken nose and a cut on your lip. Fear washed over you, and sheer luck caused you to duck to the side in time, avoiding a fist to the temple.

You stumbled backwards a few unstable steps, breathing heavily. The guy was smirking, acting like he already won – but you weren’t about to die in this sleazy, stinky place, leaving Ellie all alone and never knowing why they abducted Joel in the first place.

Joel…

“You’ve made a huge mistake,” said the man quietly, taking one, then two steps forward and swinging again. You backed away a second time, feeling your heart pounding in panic and knowing you didn’t stand a chance against a man of his stature.

Finally your luck ran out, and the man managed to hit you in the jaw, making you taste blood on your tongue. Before you could recover, one of his hands shot forward and grabbed you by the throat, and then, still keeping his big hand on your neck, he brought your entire torso down, slamming you to the ground. You hit your head hard and the glass shards on the floor embedded themselves in your skin, but in the next moment the sound of your painful scream was cut short. The grip the man had on your throat tightened, and you started to have difficulty breathing.

Your eyes budged in fear as realization of what was happening dawned on you, and you started to kick and struggle wildly, reaching for your attacker’s face, but he moved out of reach, still putting his whole weight down on you.

Your fists were hitting his forearms, your nails scratching his cheeks, whatever to make him let go. But he didn’t, his hands still squeezing your throat so strongly and crushing your esophagus.

“After I kill you, I’ll go kill your friend,” your attacker snickered, smiling viciously as he watched ice-cold panic enveloping you. “He’s not worthy of keeping him alive that long, anyway.”

Something ignited inside you at his words.

Joel.

You suddenly remembered the many self-defense lessons Joel had given you, so that whenever he wasn’t there to protect you, you could do it yourself. He was always so afraid for your life…

Slowly and with great effort, your fingers crept down, searching for the handle of your hunting knife, while dark spots started to appear before your vision, partially covering the sneering face of the man crushing your windpipe. He said something else – something you didn’t even hear because of the ringing in your ears…

And then with the last bit of your strength, you yanked the knife out of its sheath and buried the blade in the side of his neck.

Several things happened simultaneously: the man cried in surprise and let you go, the woman shouted a warning – too late – and you swung your leg over him, straddling and stabbing the man over and over again. His neck, his chest, his face, you didn’t even see what you were hitting. Screaming your lungs out and burying the blade in him again, and again, and again.

And again.

With an outraged, desperate cry, the woman lunged at you, but the adrenaline coursing through your system made you not even register something cutting deeply the skin of your arm, your veins and muscles giving way. You spun around, tumbling with her to the ground, but quickly managed to pin her down, blocking her arms in place with your knees, and pressing the tip of your knife to her chest.

She immediately stopped moving.

“Last fucking chance,” you croaked with difficulty, your neck bruised and swollen. “What… did you give him?”

You didn’t know if it was the sight of you, bloodied and wounded, the fact that you just violently killed her friend, or something else entirely – but now the woman looked scared.

“Okay,” she whispered, trying not to breathe too deeply, and glanced nervously at the blade pressed against her skin. “Okay, I’ll tell you, just don’t… It was a tranquilizer. Nothing dangerous, we just put him to sleep for a couple of hours. He was putting up quite a fight and the guys were getting antsy that he’ll pull something off before–”

“He’s not breathing,” you rasped viciously, sputtering blood onto her face. The woman flinched and took a shaky breath.

“His heart rate is slowed down, but it doesn’t– it shouldn’t kill him.”

You clenched your teeth, then exhaled. Inhaled.

You have to take a grip of yourself. He is alive. He has to be…

Should be.

The weight with which you had pinned her to the ground became lighter, and the woman sighed with relief when you removed the sharp end from her chest.

“It shouldn’t… kill him?” you repeated emptily, trying to dismiss the pain in your throat when you were speaking.

“No.”

Your head was still buzzing, but you tried to push it to the side, to focus on what was important right now.

“Why… did you take him?”

And just with that one, quiet question, the woman’s expression changed. You were considering letting her go, since you already hurt her pretty badly, but the sudden shift in her behavior set off alarm bells in your head once more.

“He’s a murderer,” the woman said, as if it was the most obvious answer. “A monster that would do everyone a favor if he got put down.”

White, blinding fury flooded your veins and it felt almost as if electricity was cracking above your skin. Your hand held the knife tighter.

‘Put down’, like… like an animal. She was talking about the man you loved–

You weren’t able to stop the hatred and rage flowing out of every pore of your skin. In one swift motion you plunged the knife into the woman’s chest, making her choke and gasp in surprise.

“You cannot call him that,” you spluttered, barely able to speak from the pain. “You…”

And then your hand forced its way lower down, still holding the handle of your weapon. Cutting through the woman’s – now struggling and screaming in agony – abdomen and guts.

They went so far as to abduct Joel, they took him from you, hurt and shot him, wanted to torture him, to make him suffer before they ultimately kill him…

But they didn’t, he can’t be dead, he can’t–

The woman was conscious the entire time as you were ripping her insides apart, and her screams died down only after you reached the navel.

Your vision was blurry and faltering when you stood up, but your heart was still beating steadily. There was an echo of a scream in your ears, though you couldn’t tell if it was your or the dead woman’s voice.

There wasn’t anyone else in the hallway. In the back of your mind you hoped that Tommy took care of any remaining enemies, because if they’d come running here, you didn’t think you’d be able to hear them in time.

Clutching your injured arm, you slowly made your way to the room where you left Joel and the man who attacked you first. Your gun was lying near the entrance and you picked it up before pushing the door open and staggering inside.

The man wasn’t where you left him. Instead there was a big pool of blood, forming into a wide, smeared path leading further into the lobby. At the end of it you saw him, groaning and crawling to the exit.

You reloaded the gun and walked closer. At the sound, the man turned his head and his eyes widened when he saw you.

“You fucking psycho!” he spat, bracing himself on the elbow of his left arm – the only one still working. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! When she sees it, they’ll come for you, and they’ll make sure that the two of you will fucking pay for it!”

His words were flowing through you as you struggled to keep your vision focused. You felt weird – almost like waking up way too early and finding your body not listening to you entirely.

Then you realized. The hungry, burning anger was gone, the embers of hatred slowly dying out. There was only smoke and emptiness left inside you.

“I don’t care,” you mumbled, not loud enough for the man to hear you, but that didn’t matter – two seconds later he was dead, his brain splattered all over the floor behind him.

Your hand was shaking. Cold crept up your limbs, embracing and almost choking you as you breathed in, out, faster and faster as you finally comprehended what you did.

Your eyes moved down to the man’s indented knee, completely smashed into a bloody mess. The other limb was all wrong, his foot sticking in the opposite direction and no wonder he had to crawl to get away from you, you destroyed his legs, you…

You staggered backwards, your pupils darting to the hallway just for a second before returning to the battered corpse in front of you. The back of his skull was gone now, but how did he stay conscious for so long after you smashed his head with a metal pipe? There was so much blood on it… How much pain he must have felt after you left him?

And that woman… He begged you to leave her alone, and you… you ripped her open…

You moved back, back and further away, before tripping and falling to the floor. Your breaths were fast and shallow, and you reached for your neck, sore and swollen from almost being strangled, trying to will your lungs to work.

They were bad people. They took and hurt Joel, and planned to kill him. You had to kill them, they’d kill you in a heartbeat, they…

It wasn’t like you’ve never taken a life before, but it was the first time that you inflicted pain on somebody on purpose – not in self-defense, but because you wanted to retaliate. It was done in revenge.

You didn’t know for how long you had sat there when you heard someone saying your name. It sounded like… No, it couldn’t have been his voice, he was unconscious, he wasn’t breathing…

Suddenly, Tommy’s face appeared in your blurry field of vision – of course it was him, their voices were so similar, after all – and there was a deep crease between his brows. He looked worried and fearful, and–

“Snap out of it,” he said firmly, shaking your shoulders harder than he should have. Your name fell from his lips when you didn’t answer, and his eyes followed yours to a battered body on the floor. “Look at me. Look at me.” Tommy forcefully turned your chin in his direction, and his eyes were full of sorrow and pain. “You did what you had to do.”

You shook your head, swallowing the tears that streamed down your face. He didn’t know what you did. He didn’t understand what happened here, what happened with you… You yourself didn’t know what happened to you.

Tommy brought you closer to his chest, enveloping you in his strong embrace and the smell of leather and gunpowder. You choked on air, unable to stop the sobs racking your body, and deaf to his words, for the only thing you could hear were cracks of bones, screams of pain, and your own vengeful cries.

It was so loud in your mind that you almost missed a quiet grunt coming from behind you.

*****

Joel slowly opened his eye, then groaned and closed it again. He felt like shit and it was so hard to breathe, but he pushed through the pain and discomfort from the wound in his side, and tried again.

The first thing he saw was the greenish curtain, hiding the rest of the room from him, but judging by the fact that he was lying in bed, alive, with apparently all his wounds dressed, he figured it wasn’t the same place that group of angry youngsters took him to.

Lifting his head and turning it to the other side was a tremendous task, but it was so worth it – because there was you. Sitting in a chair next to him, asleep and with your head lying on folded arms on his bed. Joel smiled softly, but then furrowed his brows as a pang of anxiety shot right through him.

Your face was a mess, with cuts and bruises healing, your brow was split, and one of your forearms had a bandage wrapped around it, now a little dirty around the edges. Joel couldn’t see clearly, but your neck seemed… dark, as if the skin was bruised there, too.

What the hell happened?

He lifted his arm – the tingles and needles pierced his stiff limb – and brushed your cheek lightly, trying to wake you.

“Darlin’...” he murmured, and you stirred. He tried to say it again, louder this time, but his throat was scratchy and he winced at the feeling. There was no need for it, however, because in the next moment your eyes fluttered open and then widened when you took in the sight of him, realizing he’s awake.

“Joel!” Your hands – God, he missed the feeling of them – cupped his face gently, and your eyes filled with tears in the matter of seconds. “Oh my god, baby…”

“Hey, hey, I’m fine,” he breathed out quickly, not wanting to see you cry. “It’s okay, darlin’... I’m here.”

You sobbed with a dazzling smile, your beautiful eyes dancing across his features before you darted forward and pressed your lips to his firmly. Joel could almost taste the desperation and worry in your shaky breaths and tears that fell from your eyes and onto his tongue. He wanted to tangle his fingers in your hair and bring you in closer, but a sudden, sharp pain pierced his arm when he tried to move it, and he hissed into your mouth.

“Sorry,” you whispered and moved away quickly, letting out a broken laugh and brushing the unruly strands of hair away from his forehead. “I’m just so happy you’re okay.”

Joel wanted to ask what exactly had happened while he was out, but before he got a chance, you leaned in again and started softly peppering his face in kisses – first his cheek, then his forehead, then the tip of his nose and his chin. And Joel didn’t have the heart to stop you.

And that’s how Ellie found you both. She gagged when she saw the display of affection, but there was a grin on her face when he looked over at her.

“Gross,” she scrunched her nose. “But I’m glad to see you awake.”

“Yeah, well, I still feel pretty shitty,” he grunted, scanning the kid for any injuries, but she didn’t look any worse for the wear. His eyes strayed to your neck again, and the concern came back double-barreled. “What happened to you, sweetheart? Where–”

“I’ll… go get the doctor.” You stood up abruptly before he could finish, and looked over at Ellie. “Will you stay with him?”

“Yeah. Sure.” The teen shrugged, but now was avoiding Joel’s eyes, and he felt more uneasy and agitated by the second.

“Okay. Be right back, love. Gonna grab you some water, too.” You squeezed his hand and smiled. Joel’s eyes escorted you, and when he made sure you were out of the earshot, he turned to Ellie.

“What happened?”

“Well.” The teen blew out her cheeks and went to take a seat you previously occupied. “You were attacked during the patrol…”

“Yeah, no, that I remember,” Joel interrupted quietly. “They shot me, took me to that ski resort. But how am I here? Did she…”

He trailed off. Ellie looked at the curtain you disappeared behind, then back at Joel. “Listen, I wasn’t there, so m’not sure,” she mumbled quietly. “But after she and Tommy got you out, she was sorta… different.”

“Different how?” he asked sharply. Ellie bit the inside of her cheek, looking away. “Ellie.”

“I don’t know, okay?” she answered in a sudden burst. “She looked like hell. You saw her neck, I think someone tried to choke her, and she had an ugly cut on her leg, a fuckton of cuts and bruises… And the doctor spent hours getting all the glass shards out of her.”

Joel got up as much as he could, feeling a pit of anxiety rising in his chest. Ellie was silent for a while before she spoke again, this time surprisingly softly.

“Remember when you beat the shit out of that soldier when we were escaping QZ in Boston?” Joel nodded slightly – she did, too. “Yeah. She had a similar… kind of look on her face, and it looked… not exactly scary, but alien.” The teen looked up. “My guess is she did some fucked up shit to get to you. Tommy said she’s been having real bad nightmares since then, but he doesn’t want to tell me–”

Ellie snapped her mouth shut at the sound of footsteps, and a few seconds later you emerged from behind the curtain. You had a tall glass of water in your hand and a small, hopeful smile that grew when your eyes fell on Joel’s face.

“I know you’d probably prefer something stronger, but water will do you good,” you said, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they were just talking about you. Joel watched as you carefully sat down at the edge of his bed and put down the glass onto the table to his side. “One of the nurses will come here in a couple of minutes. You were unconscious for a couple of days so they want to make sure everything is okay.”

“I told you I’m fine, darlin’...”

“Please.” You gently took his hand in both of yours, staring at him with concern. “For me?”

Joel looked you over, his eyes lingering on your bruised neck and the bandage around your thigh which he didn’t notice before. Then he glanced at Ellie with worry, not knowing how to approach this problem or ask what exactly happened to you.

Your eyes were a little red and puffy, and he briefly thought about what the kid said: that you have had terrible nightmares, that apparently you went through some sort of hell to save him. It seemed that whatever you had done, it took its heavy toll on you. And he couldn’t bear it.

Joel hated the thought of you risking your life for him, of the experience branding you so deeply that you lost sleep because of it.

Because of him.

The only thing he could do right now was to be there for you. And maybe – just maybe, if he tried hard enough – to do something about those of your scars that he couldn’t see.

He lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it, keeping his eyes on yours the entire time.

“Okay,” came his soft answer, to which you smiled with relief. “Whatever you wish, darlin’.”

No snarky remark, no groaning or muttering could be heard from Ellie, and that worried Joel much more than he’d ever admit. He exchanged a worried look with her while you were distracted, drawing patterns on the back of his hand with tender fingers.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he heard you say quietly, though it was unclear whether you were talking to him or yourself.

Either way, Joel squeezed your hand tighter, now feeling oddly afraid of letting go.

“Yes, darlin’,” he confirmed in a soothing manner. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

[starlitangels]

Into the Meridian

Yup. You guessed it. Another Avior one-shot lol. This one is what I’m kinda hoping happens with his plot going forward even though I’m pretty sure it’s not possible with the rules and lore of the universe. 1.9k words

—

“Avior, I—” I shook my head. “There’s no other way.”

“Starlight, please,” he begged. “I can’t—I can’t lose you again! I can’t let the Meridian take you from me!” He clung to my arm, trying to stop me from getting closer to the void.

“I love you, Avior. Enough to risk this. Enough to try and save you. Save both of us. How else are we supposed to get out of here?”

“Don’t do this. We have to figure out how you can do this safely first. The Meridian will consume you if you try this again. I tried to figure it out myself but I can’t. I’m missing something. The Meridian is keeping secrets from me.” Tears slid down his face. “Don’t do this yet. We can figure it out.”

“We’ve tried everything we can think of, love. I have to do this.” I reached up with my other hand to cup his face, giving him a gentle kiss. “I love you.”

“Starlight, wait—”

I startled him by shoving him off of me and thrusting my hand into the void.

“Starlight, no!”

I grabbed a hold of my magic. With one push, I flooded it into the Meridian.

It recognized me. My presence. I knew what it would do. I knew how it would grab me.

I wasn’t surprised when it did. I tightened the muscles of my jaw, concentrating. I glanced back at Avior. “I love you,” I whispered. “I love you, Avior.”

“Starlight! You’re fading—I’m losing you! Don’t do this, please!”

I grabbed the weave of the Meridian where it held me and shoved it open, widening a gap. I looked back at Avior, who’d grabbed my other hand. “I’ll see you in Elegy, Avior,” I said.

“Starlight, wait—”

I pushed him at the gap. He fell out of the Meridian.

As I moved to follow, the Meridian yanked at me.

Instead of falling out, I was sucked into the void.

—

“Starlight!” Avior shouted, rushing toward the hole. It sealed shut before he could try to reach them. “Starlight, no!” He swore under his breath before taking a moment to look around. “A... Aria?” The beautiful scenery—astral and magical—surrounded him on all sides. His form wasn’t corporeal. “I’m... I’m home.”

Had he still been in his human form, he would have started to cry. As it was, demons didn’t shed tears in their astral forms. The emotions flooding him were more intense than any he’d felt. The tinge of relief at finally being out of that trap was completely drowned out by the heartbreak and anger. He’d lost them again. His starlight was snatched from him again. Self-sacrificial and the only being he’d ever loved romantically—gone forever. Absorbed by the Meridian.

A roar built up within his astral form. Powerful and raw. The magic that made him up was trembling. Something deep within his being cracked.

Barely aware that he was even doing it, Avior released a wave of magic.

—

Burning. Every cell of my body on fire. My nerve endings so overwhelmed there was a bottle neck of pain signals going into my brain. I was alive. I was dead. I had to be dead. How could I still be alive? How could my consciousness linger on in my body if it had been absorbed by the Meridian? How could I still feel my muscles, writhing and blazing?

It felt like my magic—a Freelancer’s magic. Unfiltered. Everything. But so much more powerful than anything I’d ever experienced.

Somehow, I was simultaneously in the darker-than-black nothingness of the Meridian’s void, and also in bright light. Energy. Something was holding me, injecting me with energy.

It felt like I was screaming, but there was nothing to hear.

I was burning up. The Meridian was consuming everything I was. My life-force. My magic. My energy. It was taking me apart cell by cell.

Avior made it out, I thought. It’s worth it. He’s safe. He’s out. He’s finally free. I love you, Avior...

I felt something, in the Meridian. A hand, reaching out to me, maybe? It felt familiar. If I could just reach out and grab it... If I could just move—the Meridian was holding me in place. If I could just—

I caught a hold of it. Not even with my hand. I didn’t know where my hand was—or if I even had hands anymore.

Warmth suffused me. Whatever was left of me, anyway. I was pretty sure my physical body had already been shredded by the power of the Meridian’s magic.

The warmth was familiar too. Not the heat of the Inferno I’d spent months in. This was comfortable. Homey. Cuddled up in silence against a firm body.

Pulling. I was pulling myself toward something unyieldingly firm. Like a rope thrown from a ship in a tempestuous sea, attached to a small life preserver. What was at the other end? What was I going to find?

I bumped into something. A barrier. Shifting, dancing threads played in front of me, woven together in a gentle knit. Tiny holes formed in and between the threads. I felt magic slipping through those holes like a gentle breeze through a cracked window. That pull was dragging me toward the weave, but it didn’t yield.

Open a gap, I thought to myself. I reached for my magic within, intending to use it the same way I’d done to get Avior out of the trap.

Unfamiliar magic tore out of me instead, shearing an opening in the weave before me.

The pull yanked me through the gap before I could even stop to ask myself what I’d done.

Wow, I said. But not really. Sprawling before me was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. I could feel magic all around, like air. My body was absolutely gone—so I must have been dead.

Ahead of me, something shimmered. It moved closer to me. Slowly, a human-looking body took shape from the shimmering, only it was transparent.

But I’d recognize the face anywhere. Avior! I cried out. Tried to, anyway.

Oh my—starlight? It was his voice. Coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once. Starlight! You’re alive! You’re—you’re a demon! How... how is this possible? He floated around me, though we couldn’t exactly touch in a way that I was used to.

I... I don’t know, I replied.

Come on. Let’s get you back to Elegy. Get you back in a body. Though... it may not be exactly your body as you left it. I have no idea. This is completely unprecedented.

Okay.

Avior held out a transparent hand. Another opening appeared the way it had when I’d been looking at the weave from within. But this was a tunnel, not a hole. He held his other hand out for me. I reached as though to grab it, not sure if I actually was or not. Hold on, starlight, he said.

We stepped through.

—

I coughed, feeling real air for the first time in... who knew how long. My body was back. I inspected it. Those were my hands—though the tiny scar on the back of my right one from a mishap at the E&E Games back when I was a student at the academy had vanished. I could feel my clothing, lightly pressed against my skin.

And Avior. Holding me tight.

The relief of being back on Elegy—Earth—was short lived. A torrent of something smashed into me from all sides. I cringed, breaking Avior’s hold on me with the violence of the motion.

Avior swore under his breath. “Empathic overload. I should have thought of that. You have no walls to keep it out.” He gathered me to him again. “Hey, hey, starlight, look at me, okay? Just at me. Close your eyes. Put your ear on my chest. Listen to my heartbeat.” He guided me to his chest.

His heart thudded against the side of my head, helping to drown out the torrent. “What—what is that?” I asked.

“The emotions of everyone nearby. Maybe everyone in the city, if you’re strong enough. By the feel of your magic, you’re an inchoate demon, like me, now. You’ll need to feed on all of it. I’ll teach you how. And I’ll teach you how to put up walls to block most of it from affecting you so much. We’ll go back to Aria—go to Circinus—I’ll be your steward, okay? I’ll teach you everything. I promise, starlight.”

I nodded against his chest, finally looking around.

We were in my apartment. It looked the same as how I’d left it.

“What happened to you, starlight? How did this happen?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I felt like I was burning. My body was consumed. But I felt something reaching out for me. Magic, I guess. It felt familiar. I managed to latch onto it. It pulled me to the edge of the Meridian. I tried to open a gap—the way I had to get you out—but something else happened instead. I guess it was a rift. And it spilled me out into Aria. And you were right there. Whatever magic had reached out to me pulled me to you.”

Avior was quiet for a while, just holding me to his chest and swaying back and forth lightly. “I have a guess,” he said. “Granted, it’s absolutely insane, but it might be possible.”

“Okay.”

“I think... when the Meridian consumed you, it infused your cells with so much magic that they gave up being physical, like all humans are. Your body was overloaded with so much pure magic that it became magic. It turned you into a demon. Like me. That burning you felt was your body absorbing more raw power than a human body should be able to take in. But you’re so strong, starlight. You resisted being wholly drowned and came out the other side. Changed, yes, but still you.” He kissed the top of my head.

“I... I don’t know what to think.”

“No, I wouldn’t expect you to. I don’t even know what to think either. But... we’ll probably have to report this to the Chorus—and maybe the human Department too. I can imagine this is going to be something... unexpected and unprecedented on both sides. For a human to become a demon... it’s never happened before.”

“Don’t let them take me away from you. Either the Chorus or the Department.”

“Never.”

I tried to smile, but the torrent of emotion pushed against me again and I buried my face in his chest. “Avior—it—it hurts.”

“I know, starlight. I know. Come on. We’re free. We’re safe. We’re going back to Aria now. I know having an astral form is going to be disorienting, but until we can get you to put some walls up to keep out the empathic connection to human emotion, you’ll have to get used to it. Okay?”

I nodded.

I heard the now-familiar sound of a rift tearing open. Avior pulled me through it.

I love you, starlight. We’ll get through this. We can be together forever now, if you’ll have me.

I love you too, Avior. And I’ll have you for as long as you want me.

[ratmonky]

Unsafe Words

Word Count: 4.9K

Warnings: dubcon, mind break, obsession

AO3 Link

Flowers were more beautiful when they first bloomed in springtime. The colors that would faint over time would be vivid and the smell they produced wasn’t like any other. Their aroma was as delicious as a luxurious perfume but yours were sweeter than all of them.

Inumaki stroked his cock with one hand and held your panties up to his nose with the other. Your smell was enough to make him feel intoxicated but inhaling it as he pleased himself made the experience even more ecstatic.

In his mind, he was fantasizing about going on a date with you, eating your favorite dessert together, and chatting about the future ahead of the two of you.

You would laugh at all the jokes he made to hear you laugh and brush your fingers on his forearm in a flirty manner, looking at him with a smile and suggest to him that the two of you get out of here and go somewhere more private. Somewhere where you could give him all your attention.

Would you take all of your clothes or would you rather have him undress you?

He knew you would actually rather want him to tear your clothes off of you.

He hadn’t seen much of your skin and the uniform you wore didn’t help his fantasies. Inumaki could only try to imagine what color your nipples were or how supple the flesh of your thighs was.

His cock twitched in his hand as he bit back a moan.

Too much.

Inumaki tightened his grip on the base, refusing to cum yet. He still had time. It would be meaningless if he came so early.

He pressed his face into your soft pillow, inhaling your faint scent. Ahh, that would be how you smelled if he were to inhale your hair?

His grip on your panties loosened and he focused his attention on your pillow as he turned around in your bed. With his face buried deep in your pillow, he reached for one of your plushies.

From the first year in the school until you became third years, he always wanted to be a little closer to you. Not like how you treated your lower classmen. He wanted more than that.

Instead of ruffling his hair and calling him a friend, he wanted you to pull his hair and make him the center of your world.

Panda and Maki had noticed the way he looked at you. They knew him as long as you did yet you were still clueless.

He hadn’t thought he would feel this way about any person at any point in his life but here he was, humping your plushie in your bed.

He wondered what would you do if you knew exactly what was going through his head during a day. Because all he could think about was bending you over the closest surface and making you moan out his name in a prayer.

When his cock twitched, warning him that he was close, he didn’t try to stop himself this time. He pushed his hips forward staggeringly as he came on the plushie with a groan, his breathing completely out of control.

He still had time, didn’t he?

By the time you came back from your shopping trip with Maki and Kugisaki, your room was as you left it, or at least you were too careless to notice your missing panties from the laundry and the icky acidic smell surrounding your plushies.

~~~

You were clueless.

So much so that it hurt him.

There wasn’t much time left until the third years graduated and left. Once the two of you graduated, you wouldn’t call him for obvious reasons. What did you have to talk with him about anyway?

All he could say was gibberish.

He hated it.

“You’re okay?” Panda noticed that he wasn’t eating.

“Salmon.”

“You sure?”

“Salmon.”

There was a moment of silence before Panda spoke again.

“You know, I heard (name) is going to move to Fukuoka once we graduate.”

He didn’t say anything.

“It’s far away from Tokyo, isn’t it?”

Silence.

~~~

The day of graduation came but Inumaki didn’t make a move.

You moved away and he stayed.

Maki kept talking about your new life to Inumaki while he was unable to feel happy for you.

Years passed but Inumaki couldn’t move on.

It had been a hectic day at work and he was getting ready to take a shower when he got a call from an unknown number. This was the fifth time they were calling. He wanted to ignore it because the person on the other side wouldn’t understand him if they weren’t one of his friends but whether it be curiosity or boredom, he answered.

“Ahh, you picked up!”

Inumaki’s body froze. He felt like his limbs turned into stone.

“Hellooo? It’s Toge, right?” It was your voice.

“Kelp.”

“That was for greetings… Right? I kinda forgot about your language, haha. I’m sorry for calling you this late. Are you doing fine?”

“Salmon.” His lips were trembling. You sounded excited to talk to him.

“I see! I’m doing fine too, I moved back to Tokyo! I got a super small apartment and everything, I moved all of my furniture myself, can you believe that?”

“Tuna tuna!”

“I know right!” you laughed and let out a small sigh. “Anyway, I called to ask if you would wanna meet up? I thought we could catch up and I could show you my apartment. Maki and the others said they were free this Saturday, how about you?”

“...”

“I-... Was that too many questions? I’m sorry, I’m just excited you answered the phone.”

He opened his mouth but amongst the many things he wanted to say to you, he could only speak gibberish. He closed it again.

“Are you there?”

“Salmon.”

“Do you think you’d wanna come to my place for a reunion slash housewarming party?”

“Tuna mayo.”

“Is that a yes?” You sounded hesitant.

“Salmon.”

“Great! I’ll.. I’ll text you the address, don’t bring anything, I just wanna see you and others. It’s been so long!”

“Tuna tuna.”

“Ahh, I missed you all so much. Fukuoka was no good. I feel like I belong in Tokyo with everyone.”

He agreed yet again and silence fell. It must have been tiring to hold a conversation with him. Most people gave up after their first try, it felt too much like a one-sided conversation.

“I should go,” you said, he could hear the smile in your voice. “It was really great to hear your voice again, Toge. I hope it was the same for you.”

Yes , he thought.

“Okay… I’ll see you on Saturday, I’mma text my address to you, and please save my number! We might work together in the future, who knows!!”

“Tuna tuna!”

“Goodnight.”

You hung up.

Inumaki held his phone up to his ear for a moment longer even after you ended the call. His eyes slowly landed on the tent on his pants.

You had missed him. You wanted to see him.

A second later his phone buzzed in his hand.

[New Message]

Unknown Number: [ADDRESS] i live on the fifth floor but there isn’t an elevator TwT you will have to walk up the stairs SORRY >v<

His lips curled up into a smile.

~~~

His hair took an hour to style yet it looked the same. He had even bought a new styling gel, ugh, what a waste of money.

Apart from that, Inumaki found himself in front of the apartment building, unable to push the door to get inside.

“Inumaki, great to see you again,” Fushiguro’s voice startled him.

Inumaki turned around to see the large group heading this way.

“Yeesh, did you drown yourself in body spray?” Maki covered her mouth. Kugisaki next to her laughed and continued teasing Itadori until they arrived at the building’s door.

“Inumaki?”

“Kelp!”

“Ah, it’s good to see you again. When was the last time we saw each other? A year ago?” Maki walked past him and opened the door herself. “Probably,” she answered her own question.

There was some small talk going on, everyone was talking to him but his eyes were going back and forth between the presents everyone was holding. He stared at the bouquet of roses in his own hand.

“What did you buy?” Kugisaki asked Fushiguro.

“A toaster.”

“Lame.” She turned to Itadori to ask him what he bought next.

“I bought a toaster too…”

While the two boys were arguing about how one of them had to return their gifts, Maki placed a hand on Inumaki’s shoulder. “Panda’s coming too.”

Ah, his expression must have contorted into something vile. She perhaps thought he was only worried about Panda’s whereabouts.

“Seaweed.”

“Which floor was it again?” Kugisaki asked no one specifically.

Inumaki held five fingers up.

“Let’s get going then!” Itadori smiled, “Feels like we’re wasting time here when we can catch up altogether.”

The trio started climbing up the stairs first, leaving Maki and Inumaki to walk behind them.

“They’re still the same, huh?”

“Salmon.”

“I heard (name) invited some people from Kyoto over as well but none of them could make it.”

When he raised a brow Maki explained further.

“Curse season in Kyoto, I think. Mai was complaining about having to work overtime and all.”

“How did she manage to choose the only damn building in Tokyo without an elevator!?” Kugisaki groaned.

Maki chuckled, “It’s barely in Tokyo, and honestly, do you think she could afford one with an elevator?”

The trio started laughing. Inumaki smiled too.

“Hey,” she said, turning back to face him. Her voice was quieter. “You smell nice and not like an animal. I can't believe you finally took a bath without anyone telling you. Wait or was it because you wanted to smell nice specifically for today? For her?”

When Inumaki blushed, she burst into laughter.

Itadori was about to ask what they were talking about back there but they had already arrived on the fifth floor.

There were four different doors but they could easily tell which one was yours from the bright colored poster you had taped on it.

“What does it say?” Kugisaki couldn’t read because Itadori and Fushiguro were trying to take pictures of it.

“Welcome back Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College graduates,” Fushiguro read out loud.

“Put some feeling to it!” Itadori whined. “There are like five exclamation marks on it, you have to read it-“

The door he was pointing at opened.

“I told you I heard them,” you said with a giggle. Panda was already inside laughing quietly. You greeted them all, smiling from ear to ear before moving away from the door to invite them inside.

The younger trio walked inside first, then Maki hugged you, said something Inumaki couldn’t hear.

His eyes were on you, admiring how gorgeous you were.

“Aren’t you coming in?” you said then noticed the flowers in his hand. "Aww, Toge, you shouldn't have."

He gave the flowers to you, his cheeks flushed faintly pink as he walked past you to enter your home.

Inside, Panda and the trio were arguing about how he had gotten there before them.

“It’s a secret!” Panda yelled.

“He came from the roof so he wouldn’t be seen,” Maki replied as she hung her coat.

Laughter filled the apartment.

Inumaki felt at home, it had been so long since he heard the lively chatter of his friends.

“I’m glad you could make it,” you said, fixing Itadori’s jacket he had left on the floor instead of hanging it like everyone else.

“Salmon.” His pulse went haywire.

“I don’t know if you like beer or cognac but we have both.” He stared at you a little longer than usual so you elaborated. “When I left my job in Fukuoka, some colleagues bought me a cognac bottle. It’s bitter but I didn’t wanna waste it.”

“Heeeeyy, (name)!” Panda yelled, “Tell the youngsters to drink apple juice or something! They’re drinking from our stuff!”

“I have more beer in the fridge!” You turned around on your heels and walked into the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase, speaking louder so they could hear you through the thin wall. “Besides, aren’t they old enough to drink?!”

You peeked inside the living room to see what was happening.

Both Itadori and Kugisaki clinked their cans of beer, ignoring you while Fushiguro nodded in your direction to confirm.

“Then I don’t see the problem.” You took your place next to Maki.

Inumaki meekly walked inside, sitting between you and Panda.

“It’s nice having everyone together again.” Itadori smiled

“It really is,” you agreed. The beer tasted the best when you were with friends.

“Salmon.”

“You are so heartless, (name). You left us to move to Fukuoka.” Panda pouted as he leaned onto your shoulder, crushing Inumaki who was in the way.

“They offered me better pay.” You patted on his head, carding your fingers through his thick fur.

He leaned into your touch, humming softly. “Since you’re back here, money clearly doesn’t buy happiness.” he snickered.

“Money can buy happiness,” Kugisaki argued. “You can always buy the new fashion trends and new makeup. Don’t ever say that!”

Panda lifted his head to argue with Kugisaki while you used the opportunity to give out beer to anyone who hadn’t gotten one and you gave one to Inumaki, his fingers brushed against yours as he took it from you.

Maki gave an exaggerated sigh, “We came here to celebrate (name)’s return and her new place.” Everyone stared at her and she continued. “Let’s make sure to make her new house feel like a home.”

You listened to your friends’ cheers as they all cracked open their cans of beer, taking sips, chatting, and singing along to the faint music from the television program Panda turned on.

It would be genuinely hard to bring the gang together like this but one call from you had been enough since you were everyone’s soft spot in the group.

Years had passed.

You tried to not get lost in your thoughts and answered Maki who asked you what you were doing now that you moved here.

“Well, I couldn’t go back to working with Nanami since he finds me annoying.” You tried to humor it. “I live in a one-room apartment in the outskirts of Tokyo as you can see and work as a temporary sorcerer under someone Gojo introduced me to.”

Maki laughed, “What did you expect? Everything would be unchanged and that you’d get a job immediately?”

“I think she’s complaining about working for someone Gojo introduced her to.” Fushiguro theorized while holding his chin.

“No, she’s bummed out about living in a one-room apartment.” Itadori joined the nonsense.

“I’m just sad that I had to leave Fukuoka to live in a one-room apartment in Tokyo and work for Gojo’s friend!” you whined.

“Just like we guessed,” Maki said.

With another sigh, you rolled your eyes.

“You got yourself a boyfriend yet?” Kugisaki’s question made everyone look at you.

“I didn’t have time to find one,” you spoke behind your beer can.

“Talking about boyfriend…” Panda hummed, “Inumaki had a huuuge crush on you back when we were still students.”

“I completely forgot about that,” Maki feigned being clueless and punctuated her words by smacking a balled fist down onto her other hand. "I remember it now! How nostalgic! Inumaki always stared at you and all."

“Oh, really?” Your face softened as a faint color of pink tinted your cheeks, eyes landing on the young man who was blushing all the same. “You liked me?”

Inumaki kept nodding as if to agree with what they were saying.

“I never noticed,” Fushiguro said.

“Me neither, Inumaki is really good at hiding his feelings because he doesn’t talk much.”

“Well, that was in the past,” Kugisaki replied. “Some high school crush doesn’t last forever.”

Before anyone else could comment on the topic, Panda changed the subject, finally getting his claws on the cognac bottle to drink the last bit.

That still didn’t stop the two of you from blushing.

As the night dragged on, the chatting continued but as the time was getting late, people had to get going.

Itadori and Fushiguro left first when Sukuna’s vessel revealed to be the type who couldn’t hold his drink.

Maki and Kugisaki left together, Panda had told you that they lived together. You didn’t ask too many questions but you could tell why.

Panda took his leave right after the two girls left. He congratulated you once more before saying goodbye and leaving from where he came.

“I guess it’s only the two of us left,” you said, standing beside Inumaki after you put the presents on the kitchen counter for further inspection.

“Tuna mayo.”

“You can sit on the couch, I’ll go get some more snacks,” you informed, leaning forward starting to collect the empty beer cans but Inumaki got up to help you clean the table before finally, he slumped on the empty couch while you prepared something in the kitchen.

You entered the living room and walked around the couch to put a tray full of snacks and drinks on the low table. It was obvious he didn’t want to leave yet and you didn’t have the heart to bring up the fact that you had to get up early.

“You look different,” you said as you sat next to him, leaving a small space between. “I mean, obviously you would but unlike the others, you look more mature.”

He stared, waiting for you to continue.

“Nevermind.” Panicked, you instead reached for your beer.

Inumaki grabbed his remaining beer and chugged it until the can was empty.

Then you followed his lead to finish your own beer, once your own can was also empty, you both put the cans on the table. You felt slightly dizzy from the alcohol, you regretted drinking it too fast. You were quite lightweight after all.

You looked up at him with your cheeks tinted with a faint red from alcohol and stretched your arms. “So… you used to like me,” you said.

He clasped his chin between index finger and thumb and pretended to give the matter some serious thought. “Salmon.”

You laughed, something he hadn’t thought you would do. He hadn’t realized it until now but the two of you always had found it easy to have fun together. You were patient and you always listened to him. Always.

“I used to have a crush on you too but I didn’t think you liked me.”

Your words petrified him. The way you looked at him was indescribable, he had never thought he would see this expression on you.

You continued after a momentary silence, cheeks blushing furiously. “I mean… I don’t know, forget about it. It’s in the past. It was in the past. You liked me in the past. As Kugisaki said, a crush from high school doesn’t last forever.”

Inumaki opened his mouth to say something but he closed it when he noticed your stare at him.

“You…” you continued as Inumaki looked at you and spoke without thinking. “You still like me.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a fact.

He felt a little embarrassed, he was way too nervous. You were both drunk and it was just an observation. Nonetheless, he went warm all over, eyes wide in surprise. His heart was hammering through his chest. He was sure he was going to die of a heart attack.

There was a small moment of silence before he placed his hand on top of yours. He couldn’t hide his excitement, he was here, alone with the woman he loved. He had the biggest smile on his face and he was as red as a tomato. Ah, his friends would make fun of him if they hadn’t left so early.

He was being too obvious about liking you.

“You’re too close,” you remarked with a giggle, trying to cover your embarrassment.

Everything was happening too quickly for his head to catch up. He was already embarrassed about the whole of his feelings being exposed and now when you were looking like this in front of him was off-limits.

He couldn’t hold back anymore. He finally had you back, he was too scared to let you go.

“Kiss me,” he said, startling you.

A sudden rush of shivers running down your spine left you panting and you moved forward without even wanting to. Your body was moving on its own, your lips parted and pressed against Inumaki’s.

Your pulse quickened in both panic and confusion as his lips moved against yours, hesitant yet still hungry to taste you greedily. He pushed his tongue inside, savoring your taste as your entire mouth moved without your will.

His hand moved on your neck petting the hair strands falling down to your nape. Something closer to a laugh escaped him, it was the first genuine laugh you had heard coming from him.

He pulled himself back and you finally gained back control on your own body but something still felt foreign. Your head was dizzy. “Toge,” you managed, “I think you had too much to drink.”

“Fish flakes,” he responded.

Taken aback by his remark, you were quiet for a moment before making a move to get up from the couch. “You should leave.”

All of his remaining logical thoughts jumped out of the window as he sucked the air through his teeth, making a loud whistle sound. “Don’t move.”

Your body froze on the couch in the position you were. Your face flushed red as he carefully placed a hand on your hip and he started to lean closer to your face.

You watched him tilt his head. Slowly but at the same time desperately, he moved his hand. His hand slipped under your shirt, just enough so that his fingertips brushed the skin above your abdomen, and he whispered. “(name).”

Hearing your name come out from his lips made you feel euphoric. This was the first time he called you by your name and you wanted to hear it more.

Inumaki moved closer to you with a lustful haze in his eyes. He was already breathless for finally having you this close to him.

You felt the same way, being under him made you feel like you belonged there. It all felt wrong, this wasn’t a normal day where you were feeling aroused. You were with Inumaki and he was groping your tits. You kept trying to think rationally but your mind kept telling you that this was all you needed.

Inumaki was everything you needed right now.

Inumaki stared down at you, studying every detail of your face while he balanced himself on his balled-up fist. Your eyes and your skin, your hair around your head in a halo.

His chest heaved as he struggled to handle the new sensations you were giving his body.

You stole a quick glance in his direction and squeaked in surprise when his smoldering eyes stared back. Frozen in his place, he did nothing but look down at you under him. He sighed, he was already a little tired from everything he had done today. He was also very drunk but here you both were.

Inumaki leaned in for another kiss, his hand still cupping your tit. This time, you kissed him back, realizing that you could move again. Instead of using it to your advantage to push him away, you pulled him closer.

His weight started to settle on top of you and only then you noticed something poking your groin. You broke the kiss and looked between your bodies to see him supporting an erection beneath the fabric of his pants.

Your mouth opened and you gasped.

Inumaki took the opportunity to snake his tongue down your throat once again. You started to acknowledge what he was doing. He was rocking his erection against your groin as he kissed you. Your eyes widened. You could feel everything .

Somehow that made you moan into the kiss. His cock was achingly, impossibly hard. You moved your hips to his clothed erection begging to be released.

Although none of you said anything, both of you were thinking the same thing.

I want you.

It took less than a second for him to take off his shirt and start to fiddle with his belt.

You unbuttoned your shirt before hiking your skirt up as he was hurriedly pulling his pants down. As soon as he managed to kick them off, he pulled your panties down with force.

The way he was acting so desperate to get inside you made your breath hitch.

Wrapping a hand around his cock, he looked down at you to embed this sight of you into his mind. Another thing he had never thought he would see.

He couldn’t wait any longer.

Inumaki lined himself on your entrance and snapped his hips forward. Both of you groaned for different reasons.

“Toge,” you whispered, hands reaching out to hold onto his shoulders. “Be gentle.”

He wasn’t listening. You only realized that he wasn’t listening when he pulled himself back and thrust inside your pussy mercilessly.

A moan left your lips.

His virgin cock was being squeezed by your gummy walls, there was slick blood dripping from your pussy to the couch which told him how you had been waiting for him just as he was waiting for you.

Good , he thought. I would’ve killed them if someone other than me took your innocence.

At this moment, Inumaki was happy to know that he was the only person who had been allowed to see you like this. An animalistic snarl rose up from the pit of his stomach and he started fucking you frantically into the couch.

The pain of your hymen being torn completely forgotten, you exhaled roughly, it was too much, his rough rhythm and his cock stretching you out... it made your body undeniably aroused.

You wanted more but his cock was already twitching, threatening to spill his load inside of you. He cursed internally, it was too soon. He wanted more, he wanted to treasure this moment more.

His hips slammed against yours with force, each thrust filled with desperation to hold out a little longer so he could feel your heat surrounding him.

Nevertheless, it was futile. He could never stop himself from cumming when he had been yearning to do this for so long.

Inumaki grabbed the back of your knees and pushed them down until he got you into a position where he could fuck you deeper. He still wasn’t done indulging in your pussy, not yet.

Each and every time he thrust up into you, you moaned out his name just the way he had thought you would in his fantasies.

His pace picked up speed, he was close. He wanted to tell you who you actually belonged to by being deep inside of your guts. He grabbed your hands that were trying to push him on his chest and placed them on his shoulders instead. He leaned in closer to you, giving you the chance to wrap your legs around his hips.

Now, you were shaking your hips, moving to meet his thrusts. Gradually his cock started painfully throbbing inside you when you clenched around him. You were unable to hold onto anything but him, you were moving with him on the couch with each thrust.

“Cum on my cock,” he growled, not realizing the actual power behind his words.

You could feel the toe-curling pressure of orgasm almost immediately. A gurgle forced its way up to your throat and your body started shaking again, submerged in waves of hot tremors as white pleasure building in your gut suddenly took over your senses.

Your mouth opened in a silent cry while your legs shook uncontrollably around Inumaki’s waist. Disgustingly sloppy sounds as he thrust inside of you were all you could hear. Your ears were burning while you tried desperately to hold onto something to not completely lose yourself.

Gummy walls clenching around his cock were now threatening to suck him dry. Inumaki could no longer resist your pussy, he snapped his hips forward until they were flush against yours one last time. The tip of his cock kissed your cervix thanks to his cock being buried deep inside you in this position.

Thick seed spurted out from his cock and spilled inside your fertile womb, the warmth was irresistible, you could only think about being filled with his seed.

Inumaki brushed your matted hair out of your face and leaned in for a kiss, still rocking his hips back and forth inside you. You sloppily kissed him back until he broke the kiss to admire the look on your face. You found yourself staring at the heavy droplets of sweat that had made his bangs stick clumpy on his forehead.

When he finally pulled out of you, no matter how small your couch was, Inumaki managed to cuddle with you.

As the two of you were catching your breaths you completely forgot about having to get up early tomorrow or how you were still half-dressed or how uncomfortable the couch actually was. All of those thoughts were pushed back to the furthest parts of your mind while you buried your face in Inumaki's chest, steadily noting to talk about safe words with him in the future.

[dizzydancingdreamer]

“So that’s how you want to play this, love?" | The Mikaelson Boys

Hey My Lovelies! I hope all is well today! I received a request ages ago from @activist-af to do something like this, as you will read below. I honestly aimed to fit the movie night theme in there but it was swallowed up pretty fast! I only meant for this fic to be 3000 or so words but, as it always seems to do, it got away from me.I truly hope that you enjoy this, you've given me an unwavering amount of support these past few months while I was battling a major bout of depression and writers block. I can't repay all the kindness and love you've given me but I hope this is a start! Much love darling! And much love to all of you lovelies! Please have a fantastic evening for me! <3

Please read before continuing: I usually wouldn't write this much before my story but I wanted to add this: this story is my first full blown smut. I'm honestly not sure how well it will go over but I tried to make it as loving and healing as I could. I take my writing very seriously. I know sex for many is a touchy subject, and that truly pains me. I sincerely hope every single one of you reading this feels all the love and saftey I tried to incorporate into this peace. I wish you an eternity of love and healing. Be safe my loves!

Request: "Could u do a mikaelson boys x reader? Any plot really, but I’d very much love it if it was a bit more Kol focused. there’s just such a lack of content for all three of them and I love your writing so much. If u need any plot point ideas maybe a movie night kinda thing? I really hold him a bit higher than the other boys. Or something similar to the fic with the Klaus + Eli being injured? Fluffy ending please, smut is fantastic too 🖤"

Description: Y/n is upset that the boys won't let her come on their mission with them, feeling isolated and useless. Kol is supposed to stay behind and watch out for her however things get heated after she tells him off.

Pairing: The Mikaelson Boys x Fem!Reader, mainly Kol and Elijah

Warnings: THIS IS AN 18+ ONLY FIC!!! This is a full blown smut, I honestly do not know how it happened, probably 4000/5000 words are pure sex scenes, also there's a bit of fighting/angst at the beginning of the first scene but it doesn't last

Word count: 5343 (I'm so sorry)

Tags: ANGST, SMUT (full on), FLUFF

(Pics aren't mine but the moodboard is :) )

“I really don’t see why you guys are leaving me behind, again,” you run an agitated hand through your hair, huffing indignantly at the two boys in front of you.

Yes, boys. Not men. If they aren't going to treat you like the full grown woman you are then no way in hell are you going to give them any validation either. Even in your head.

“It’s too dangerous,” Elijah’s chocolate eyes are stern, his hands clenching at his sides, “I can’t risk the witches doing anything to you as a way to get to us. You’re too important.”

Your chest warms slightly at his words but it isn’t enough to break down your resolve. Three hundred years under your belt; they’re going to need to do better than that if they want to keep you away. There are only so many times you can stay away from a fight, only so many times you can watch them come home hurt knowing that if you had gone with them then maybe you could have prevented it. You’re a family and you’re tired of feeling like you aren’t pulling your weight.

You narrow your eyes at the tall boy, still not man, trying to peer through all the red you’re seeing, “I’m not a child, Elijah.”

He stares right back, not backing down, his face cut like marble, unwavering. Beautiful but harsh. Stone. He wears a white shirt, the first button popped and the sleeves rolled to his forearms. His veins are prominent and tempting. Elijah means business. You swallow the lump in your throat, pushing away the heat growing in your stomach.

“Love, trust me, we know you aren't a child. Any other time I would gladly rip you upstairs and prove it. Right now, though, I agree with him. You’re staying here,” Klaus’ softer voice pulls your attention from your staring match with the eldest Mikaelson.

He has a leather jacket on, the material clinging tight to his arms, ready to burst. He’s smiling but it doesn’t reach his crystal eyes. He folds his arms neatly in front of him. He’s not going to budge either.

You scoff at him, shaking your head, “I want to come, Klaus. I need to.”

A new voice joins the three of you in the foyer, “I can make that happen, darling, but you’ve got to stay home with me if you want that.”

You don't even need to turn around to hear the smirk on Kol’s voice but you do anyway, meeting the youngest Mikaelson face to face. He has a grin on his lips, one that, in any other situation, would have you weak in the knees. He has a sweatshirt on and a pair of sleep shorts. He’s on babysitting duty, he doesn’t need anything else. You only roll your eyes at him before facing Elijah once more.

“I’m part of this family, too, you know. It should be my choice,” you have to will your voice not to crack, keeping your tone as low and as steady as you can, “I’m not useless, Elijah, as much as you’d obviously disagree.”

You rub your hands over your bare arms, fending off a sudden chill. You feel like there’s ice coursing through your veins. A traitorous tear tracks down your cheek but you make no move to get it. Elijah’s hardened face softens when he notices.

“Baby, come on,” he reaches to grab you but you step back, not allowing him to touch you.

He can’t do that, make the decisions for you. Maybe if you were still human it would be called for but now it’s not. Sure, you aren't a millennium like they are but you’re not a piece of glass either. You’re strong, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.

“Don’t, Elijah,” you back away further, your cheeks drenched but your eyes fierce, “I’ll see you guys in a few days. Be safe.”

You turn and walk away, ignoring all three brothers as they call out to you, heading up to your room before any of them decide to follow you. You close the door, not slamming it but not exactly shutting it gently either. You can hear Elijah sigh from the front hall and you know he’s tugging on his hair. Klaus swears, his frustrated voice floating up to your ears. More tears fall but you brush them away angrily, lifting a pillow from your bed and screaming into it. No doubt they can hear it but, right now, you couldn't care less. The front door shuts and your heart plummets.

You sit on the edge of your bed, gripping your dark comforter tightly. Usually you like being the one they take care of. You like being held, how small they make you feel. Right now, though, it’s too much.

A soft knock draws your attention to the door, Kol’s careful voice cutting through the wood, “darling?”

“Leave me alone, Kol,” you try your best to make your words harsh but you only sound tired.

“Not likely, love,” he presses, “you know I can go all night, now it’s up to you what that means.”

Your cheeks flush and, as if he can see you through the door, he chuckles. The sound echos through your chest, stirring the remains of anger and frustration and mixing them with something hot and untamed. You pull the door open, coming face to face with the smirking Mikaelson.

“Sorry you landed with babysitting duty, Kol, but I’ve kept myself alive for three hundred years now and I’m pretty sure I can handle two more days on my own. Why don’t you go help Elijah and Klaus, yeah? Seeing as you are the only three who can actually do any good. I’m clearly not strong enough to do anything so I’ll just sit here and look pretty and do absolutely nothing at all because I’m useless. Okay?”

With that you close the door in his face. Well, you try to but he wedges his body in the way so you can’t shut him out. Whatever smile had previously been on his face is long gone and in its place sits a deep frown. His brown eyes ice over slightly and he stands taller than he did mere seconds ago. You can feel a switch in the atmosphere and suddenly you’re face to face. You honestly can’t tell which one of you is more pissed off.

“So that’s how you want to play this, love,” he pushes closer to you, “you want to get angry, yeah? Alright darling, I can do that.”

You open your mouth to protest but before any profanities can fly out his lips are on yours, fierce and strong. He uses his foot to kick the door closed, slamming it into place. It’s done merely for effect. No one is home but the two of you. He spins you around aggressively, pushing you roughly against the hardwood. His teeth sink into your bottom lip, no doubt drawing blood. As if on cue a copper taste fills your mouth, drowning your senses in red. This time, though, the anger is mixed with a wicked kind of lust.

Your hands find his hair without your permission, tugging harshly at the roots. He groans into your mouth, a sound that makes you want to slap him across the face and wrap your legs around him all the same. His hand snakes around your waist, squeezing your hip with a fervour that will no doubt leave bruises that will take longer than usual to heal. He pushes against you, every single part of him rock hard.

“God fucking damnit, Kol,” his lips find your throat with painful ease, sucking the sensitive skin into his mouth in a way thats just this side of painful over pleasurable.

Right now, though, you crave every bit of pain that Kol lays on you. In a sick way you’re proving that you can take it. That you’re strong enough to do the things that they do. Another flash of red floods your vision when you think of the other two Mikaelson's who refused to let you help. You drag one of your hands down Kol’s back, scratching hard enough for him hiss against your neck.

He jerks away from you quickly, only long enough to rip the sweatshirt over his head before he attacks your neck again. He sinks his teeth in at the same moment he rips your tank top in half, lulling you into that sweet mixture of pleasure and pain, hate and lust once more. His shoulders are deliciously toned under your searching fingers and this time when you drag your nails down his back you know you draw blood. Serves him right anyway.

“Fuck, baby,” he wraps a hand around both of your wrists, pinning your hands above your head, “that kinda hurt.”

You want to claw the smirk off of his face. Or kiss it. You can’t quite decide. His other hand is slowly sliding up your back, inching towards the clasp of your bra. His eyes burn into yours, the inferno behind them nothing less than intense. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears so loud it’s almost hypnotic when combined with the tantalizing draw of his hand. It lulls you into a false sense of security, your eyelids heavy in anticipation. He stops moving when his fingers are about to undo the hooks.

He pushes his hips closer to yours, locking you between his body and the door. His stomach is hot against yours and cut like marble. Your fingers itch to feel every bump and dip with agonizing intricacy. Every inch of your skin is alight, every hair raised waiting for anything to happen. You can feel every breath he takes as if it’s your own, your covered breasts just barely grazing him with each rise and fall of his chest. It’s delicious torture.

“Before we go any further here, I need to know what you want. Do you want some quick fuck that’s going to leave you more angry when it’s done?” He rolls his hips against yours, sending sparks flying through your body at the first real touch you’ve had tonight, “or do you want me to make love to you like you know I can. And make all these terrible feelings go away. It’s your choice, darling?”

His words tangle and knot in the pit of your stomach, weaving through the white hot hatred that had been building in your stomach until it explodes. They hit you right at the source like missiles aimed with the utmost precision to destroy every bit of anger left in you. Tears prickle at the edge of your vision, your senses overloaded from the sudden loss of your fury. All that’s left in its wake is this gut wrenching feeling of not being good enough. It’s the original problem and he just effortlessly broke through to it.

“I,” you tug your bruised lip between your teeth, if only to keep it still, “make it go away, Kol. Please.”

“That’s all I want to do, darling.”

He releases your wrists, opting instead to haul your body into his arms and slamming his lips against yours once more. You waste no time running your freed fingers down his sculpted chest, admiring the way his muscles tense as he holds you up. You push yourself as close to his body as you can get, wrapping your legs around his taught stomach and clinging on for dear life. He kisses you slowly, as if drawing all the negative energy out of your body with his lips.

He walks the two of you backwards towards your bed, sitting on the edge, leaving you straddling his hips in the most delicious way. You push your hips to bring you closer together, wanting to feel every part of him that you can. He meets every movement with his own energy, wrapping an arm around you back to keep you pressed against him. Your body is warming up once more in his arms.

He pulls his lips from yours reluctantly, his hand snaking back to the clasp on your back, “this needs to go.”

You shiver at the light touch of his fingertips on your spine, arching with the click of the hooks coming undone. He pulls the lace from your chest slowly, his thumbs grazing down your arms, memorizing every inch of skin he can get his hands on. His eyes meet yours again and he drops the fabric on the ground next to your bed. His hands, now resting on your hips, trail fire up your stomach as they trace their way over your ribs.

“Kol, please,” you wrap your arms around his shoulders, reveling in the warmth of his chest so close to your own, “I need you.”

There’s a glint in his eye again but this time you don’t want to slap him. No this time you want him to do heavenly things to every part of you. You want him to take the last remains of this awful feeling and snuff it out with his mouth. His hands finally crest the remainder of your ribcage, his thumbs teasing the underside of your breasts with tantalizingly careful circles. Tears sting your vision again from all the pent up energy inside of you.

“What shall I do, darling,” his thumbs draw along the sides of your breasts, stoking the untameable fire in the pit of your stomach once more, “tell me how you want me to touch you.”

His fingers dance closer to their target, each stroke driving your brain further into it’s Kol induced frenzy. All you can see, all you can hear, all you can smell is the boy in front of you.

“Kol,” his name falls from your lips in a desperate moan, “please just do something, god.”

He chuckles, a sound that flows like honey and wraps around every inch of you like silk. His eyes sear into your own, daring you to break his stare but you don’t. You can’t

“Well I could do this.”

His thumbs roll over your hardened nipples, as if to punctuate his words, and you see stars. You don’t even try to stop the moans that tumble from your lips, turning to clay in his hands. You give him free reign to mould your body in any way he desires, as long as hands never leave your skin. He pinches each bud between his fingers gently, pulling more praises from deep within you. His eyes never leave your face, drinking in each expression with unashamed greed.

“Or maybe I could do this.”

You know what’s coming when he leans forward, It’s quite clear what his intentions are. However, what you aren’t expecting is for the first gentle nip to send you so violently crashing over the edge that you have to squeeze your thighs around him to avoid falling off the bed. He doesn’t stop when you cry out and you don't want him to. Every swirl of his tongue around your nipple sends you spiraling further into the sweet oblivion he’s created just for you. He rocks his hips against yours while his mouth assaults you, pressing the delicious hardness against you while you fall apart.

He detaches his lips from your lips when you start to come down from your high, kissing his way up your sternum, over your collar bone, before settling on your throat.

“So beautiful darling,” he pulls your skin into his mouth as if he didn't just get enough just moments ago, “so damn beautiful.”

You press down on his hard length again, pulling a groan from deep within his chest, “I want all of you, Kol. Please.”

That's all the encouragement he needs to flip the two of you over and lay you on your back. He kneels between your legs, hooking his thumbs in your plaid sleep shorts and pulling them off much faster than he had down with your bra. He’s more than warmed up now, something that excites you to no end. You’re left laying in a pair of black lace panties that match the bra on your floor.

Kol’s eyes go dark at the sight, a growl that hardens your nipples again rumbling through the air. He leans down, pressing a kiss to the inside of your thigh before pulling the lace off of you once more and adding it to the growing pile of clothes. He kisses the junction of your thigh next, sending electricity rippling through your body. It restarts the heat once more and the familiar wildfire rips through your abdomen. You’re not sure if you’ll be able to stand many more orgasms if each one is to be like the first.

“Please just make love to me, Kol, I need to feel you.”

He lifts his head from your thighs, a sight that you will never grow tired of, and his eyes set ablaze, “I was made for nothing more.”

Your heart flutters rapidly in your chest, a warmth spreading like butter over your bones. He kicks his own shorts and boxers off quickly, moving back up your body to rest between your legs. You drink in the heat radiating off his body, allowing it to soothe the remaining ache leftover from your small throw down. His one hand slips under your head, lacing through your hair gently. The other reaches between you, lining himself up against your opening. The slightest touch of him against you is enough to have you mewling his name already.

He teases you slightly, taking his sweet time before pushing in. The first thrust is pure magic, filling you in the way that only Kol can. Each of you boys feel different. Kol lights every one of your nerves on fire with his slow movements. He makes you feel every deliberate movement. He makes you know that every circle of his hips, every time he joins you together is done to perfection exactly how he intends. Kol makes you aware of your entire body and just how much control he has over it.

He pulls back slowly before thrusting back inside of you hard enough to rock your bed into the wall. You clench around him without warning, pulling your name from his lips with mouthwatering ease and sending small shocks through your lower half.

“Christ, baby,” he rocks his hips deeper into yours, burying himself all the way inside you, “how are you so close again already.”

You giggle quietly from underneath him, wrapping your legs around his hips and rolling your own to meet his thrusts. Your hands glide over his shoulders, soothing the scratches you left earlier. You draw his face to your own, pulling his lips down to graze yours. You want him to feel every word you say.

“Don’t play coy, you know exactly what you’re doing,” the end of your sentence is blurred with unrelenting moans.

His hand grabs your leg, pushing your knee to your chest before pushing you into the mattress with a world altering thrust, “you’re right darling, I just like to hear you say it.”

He closes the gap between your lips with another shattering push, your walls clenching harder than before around him again. You swallow each moan that slips from his mouth and into yours. His nutmeg scent clings to you and you know it will take days to scrub him off of you, not that you want to. You could very well spend the next century wrapped up in Kol in every single way possible.

He picks up the pace, slamming into you with controlled ease. Your hands lace through his hair, keeping him as close to you as possible. Your senses are overwhelmingly heightened, allowing you to feel every damned inch of him. You’re in serious danger of falling apart. The fiery ball in your stomach is at its peak once more. When he pulls your lip between his teeth, and you taste the crimson, it explodes.

This time you don't just see stars, you see the sun and the moon and every planet in the solar system. He continues to move in and out of you, drawing out the intensity of your orgasm as he rides his own out. You cling to him with everything you have, refusing to breathe anything but Kol. Everything in this moment is about him and the way he makes you feel. Nothing else matters anymore. Perhaps nothing even mattered before. All there is, all there has ever been, is this one moment.

When you finally land back on earth, he slowly pulls out of you, giving you one last taste of electricity before drawing you to lay on his chest. Your ears ring from the energy you just exerted at Kol’s mercy, your skin deliciously sticky against his own. You're completely and undeniably spent.

You don’t realize that you’re crying until you go to speak, “Kol.”

You feel the sharp inhale he takes rather than hear it. Before you can blink the fresh wave of tears away he’s flipped you around, laying between your legs again and propped up on his elbows. His face is pure concern, his eyebrows creased together in a way that makes you want to smooth every harsh line away. It makes you cry that much harder.

“Darling, talk to me,” he runs a soothing hand down your thigh, pulling you close to him, “what’s wrong baby?”

The tears pour faster at the gentle tone in his voice, drawing an answer to the surface before you even process what you’re saying, “Do they think I’m useless? Do you?”

Your voice is shattered, all the emotions from today coming together in yet another crescendo. You can hear your blood rushing through your ears, drowning out the sounds around you. It’s probably the reason you miss the footsteps pounding up the stairs. You can feel Kol’s soft caresses but just barely. The only thing registering in your mind is the feeling of being completely and utterly weak. Why do they keep you around if you can’t even hold your own?

“God’s no, never. Not even a little bit,” just as Kol speaks, the door opens.

Well, the door slams open, hitting the wall with a crack that echoes through the large house. Kol isn’t startled. He should be but he doesn’t even flinch at the bang. You, on the other hand, tense underneath him, the pounding in your ears still as intense as before. A woodsy scent flows through the now open doorway, pine mingling with your already nutty skin. The pieces start clicking together, albeit at a slower pace than you like.

You’re almost certain you know who’s in the doorway but you look anyway to make sure, “Elijah.”

His name is a whisper and it gets lost under Elijah's own words, his dark eyes searing into yours, “Kol, do you mind giving us a moment?”

Kol glances down at you, a small smile playing on his lips. You plead with him to stay but this is Kol, he’s your hell-raiser. He places a soft kiss on your forehead before he stands, still completely naked, and walks out of the room.

He pauses on the other side of the door, settling a hand on his brother’s shoulder, “careful brother, she scratches.”

Elijah shuts the door when he leaves, much gentler than he had been when opening. Your boys, always the ones for theatrics. He leans against the frame, folding his arms over his chest. You stand from the bed, trying to meet his height but failing. You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand but it doesn’t do much to clear the droplets. He tracks your every movement with a fire raging behind his chocolate eyes. You’re painfully aware of how much of your skin is on display for him; that is, all of it.

“What,” you pause when your voice cracks, stealing a moment to compose yourself, “what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be off saving the day.”

He pushes off the door, taking a few steps towards you. You can see he's fighting back a lot of primal instincts. He's as affected by your lack of clothes as you are. His eyes shift rapidly between his usual brown and a deeper coal colour. Despite the situation, you can’t help the heat seeping from between your thighs. He stops a few feet in front of you. There’s no way he can’t smell you right now.

“I was needed elsewhere,” his eyes dip down momentarily, his jaw clenching, “by someone infinitely more important.”

You watch him squeeze his fists together, forcing his eyes to remain on yours. The determination in them is unwavering and fierce. He takes another step towards you.

“It seemed important a few hours ago,” you drop your eyes to your feet, breaking his stare.

He grabs your chin, forcing you to keep looking at him and, in turn, igniting your body, “I assure you it was not nearly as important as making sure that you’re ok.”

Your throat tightens, aching with the promise of even more tears. You wish you could just stop. You’re not afraid to cry but usually you can control it. Right now you can’t. Everything has been building, every little insecurity has pooled, and today was the chip in the damn needed to make the whole thing collapse. It’s too much.

“I’m not,” you wrap your arms tight around yourself, gripping your arms with bruising strength to try and hold back the tremors, “ I am not okay Eli. I feel so helpless. Everytime you come home bleeding and exhausted and where am I?” You run a trembling hand through your mussed hair, yanking at the roots, “Here. Always just here, useless, letting you and Klaus and Kol take it all for me. Am I really that weak? That I’m just extra collateral damage to worry about? What is it, Elijah?”

The words pour from you, each one making him flinch like he’s being hit by an invisible enemy. Every syllable is a bullet to his chest. His body tenses further, his eyes no longer holding any trace of their usual warm brown. Instead they're pitch black, the veins under his eyes a deep plum. The veins in his arms pop as well, his fists iron tight. He curses under his breath when you finish. His voice is gravelly and scrapes the deepest pit of your soul.

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again, whatever resolve he had been clinging to snaps. He pulls you towards him, wrapping his strong hands around your hips and lifting you against him, giving you a second to wrap your bare legs around his clothed hips.

“Elijah, what are you doing?” You cling to his chest, trying to avoid tumbling out of his arms when he begins walking you towards your bed once more.

He doesn't answer your question, laying you down against your ruffled comforter, “You aren’t collateral damage, baby.”

His voice is the lowest you’ve ever heard it, emanating from somewhere deep inside him. He opens the first few buttons of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head before making it even halfway down his chest. He drops it, much like he Kol had not long before, next to your bed. Kicking off his shoes, he kneels on the bed, coming to rest between your thighs. The heat emanating from you is now a furnace and it in no way goes unnoticed by him. His dark eyes swim across your naked body, drinking in every inch.

“Eli-” whatever you’re going to say is obliterated when he leans down and attaches his lips to the crook of your thigh, dangerously close to being exactly where you need him.

“You aren't weak,” he moves to your other thigh, nipping at the delicate skin and pulling unintelligible murmurs from your throat.

He kisses his way to your center, the anticipation growing like a knot in your stomach, begging to be unraveled once more. Even in the midst of falling apart you can’t get enough of these men. He lays a soft kiss against you, offering you the slightest glimpse of what you know his mouth can do. In the exact same way you had with Kol earlier, every part of you craves Elijah.

Your body arches willingly to meet the first swipe of his tongue, his name falling from your lips like a praise, “you aren't a burden to me, you beautiful creature.”

You cry out as he works his mouth expertly against you, his words humming ecstasy into your skin, melting away any trace of doubt in your mind. His arms wrap around your thighs, bringing you as close to his face as he can get you. The sight of him completely engulfed in your heat is almost enough alone to send you tumbling right there and then over the edge.

“You mean more to me than anything else on this fucking earth,” his dark eyes meet yours as he works you dangerously close to breaking before letting up once more, “and if I have to spend every hour for the next hundred years worshipping you to prove it then consider it done.”

He lowers his mouth against you harder, sucking your electrified warmth with renewed vigour. Your hands seek out his hair, tugging him against you and raising your hips to meet every pass of his tongue. The smell of pine trees and sex envelope you, brining you the closest yet to the kind of high only Elijah can draw from you. In this moment you’re nothing more than entirely his.

“I cannot lose you, baby,” he slips a few of his fingers inside you, “please let me protect you. I need to. Please.”

He curls his fingers just as the last syllable rolls off his tongue and into your core, shattering you into a million tiny pieces. Your hands fist his hair as your body clenches around his hand, pulling a delectable groan from his lips. Your third orgasm almost puts you to sleep on the spot, each of your muscles completely exhausted. Elijah watches you come undone the entire way through, nothing less than reverent awe locked on his face.

He wastes no time pulling your spent body into his arms, wrapping you as close to him as he can manage. You bury yourself against his neck, admiring how even the most unassuming parts of him have an undue amount of strength. He truly is your warrior.

“Eli,” you yawn into his chest, basking in the warmth of his skin, “I can protect myself.”

He tightens his arms around you, “I know you can, baby, but you shouldn't need to. I’ve been searching my entire life for a meaning. A thousand years of trying to be honorable. Then I found you and, all of a sudden, it all makes sense. All the searching and fighting and pain finally has a purpose: to protect you. Let me take it for you. Please.”

You’re speechless, there isn’t anything else to it. His words hit you with immense power, sinking into your skin and settling around your bones. You’re his, all of theirs, to watch over. You really didn't know he felt this strongly. You’ve always had to defend yourself. Perhaps you just aren't used to someone else being so willing to take on that task. Someone begging to take it.

He stands suddenly, with you still in his arms, and walks out of your room, starting down the hall. The faintest sound of rushing water fills your ears, lulling you into a welcome daze.

“Where are we going, Eli?” You have yet to open your eyes, stuck in the soft between being awake and falling asleep.

He kisses your forehead, resting his head on yours, “Niklaus said he wanted to take a bath, my love.”

[buckyownsmylife]

when i’m moving on - Bucky Barnes smut

The one where despite your engagement to King Steve, your bond with his brother is too strong to be ignored.

Warnings:  Smut, dirty talk, royal au, kind of cheating, it depends on what’s your view on arranged medieval weddings, oral (f), masturbation (f), overstimulation, crying during sex, pleasing kink, cum eating, teasing, this one isn’t focused on the social construct of virginity, unprotected sex, reader isn’t as innocent in this one, cumplay?, slight daddy kink, p in v, multiple orgasms, Bucky can cum A LOT, swear words, kinda breeding kink?, Pregnancy talk at least, conversation about partner’s lovers

A/N: This is sort of a part 2 to this fic, an AU of an AU, if you will. In this one, you lose your virginity to Bucky the night before of your wedding, meaning, the night before of the first fic.

Bucky’s P.O.V.

       “If you were the one that was getting married to me… What would you do, then?” Those words traveled across my mind and body, raising goosebumps as my eyes burned the flesh of the woman before me.        “Careful, Your Majesty,” I warned her, knowing that the reminder of her future title could very well wake her up from this daydream we were currently about to fall into. “These are dangerous waters you’re about to dip in. You need to be 100% sure of what you’re asking me, because whenever I’m around you… I hang on by a very loose thread.” I watched as she shivered, her breaths coming out in labored puffs now, much like my own. I could feel my chest heaving, almost as if I had battled a whole battalion to be standing in front of the woman I loved.        “Show me, Bucky,” she whispered just as she approached me, her head dipped up to look me in the eye. “I want to drown in you.” I had always found amusement in just how short she was in comparison to me, but right now, I felt no desire to laugh. Before I could even second chance myself, I leaned down, capturing her lips with mine. An explosion of sweetness invaded my senses, her scent everywhere, engulfing me. My hands quickly found a place between her locks, pulling her even closer to me, not minding that by the proximity she would realize just how much I desired her. When her mouth opened, accepting my own’s intrusion, she moaned at the invasion and I knew then and there that I couldn’t let her go, even if she wanted me to. It was that thought that startled me, making me abruptly separate our faces just so I could try to talk some sense into either of us.       “Tell me I should stop. Please. Tell me you don’t want this.” I begged, not sure if what I wanted was for her to do as I said or to ignore me completely. Her eyes looked even bigger than usual, her pupils blown wide as she stared up at me, wet bruised lips reminding me of the assault that I had just overtaken against them.       “Please… don’t stop.” No more words were needed. I could see then and there that she wanted this, that, somehow, she wanted me just as much as I did. Only a fool wouldn’t make the best out of the opportunity to have this goddess in their arms, to feel her breath against their skin, to touch her and burn from her warmth. And I admit I had many flaws, but I had never been a fool. Slowly, I laid her down on her bed, fully conscious she was the most precious thing that I had ever held. Her arms came up to hug me then, pushing me down against her. My cock felt painful against my thigh, and I couldn’t help but press it against her, taking advantage of the space she had granted me between her legs.       She broke our kiss with a gasp followed by a moan and if I wasn’t already hard, that would have done it. A growl escaped my chest as I took up the opportunity to kiss from her lips to her jaw, making my way to her neck, loving how her sweet smell was even more present just behind her ear. “I’m going to have you screaming by the end of the night” I warned her quietly, eliciting a whimper from her luscious lips. It was so easy to forget that this woman was more than ten years younger than me, especially since she carried herself with such dignity, but now that I had her here, trapped under my body, I couldn’t help but notice how tiny and delicate she actually was. Something primal, instinctual rose from deep within me, making its way to my chest until it had wrapped itself around my heart and taken control over me. “I’m gonna taste you all over,” were my last words before I had wrapped my hands on the fabric of her dress and torn it to shreds.       The skin that became visible to me almost made me lose whatever was left of my control. She was all silk and honey, so soft to the touch and so warm it almost made me cry out in ecstasy. I could barely believe that it was real, that this was happening, and I gave her one last deep kiss before starting my exploration of her body with my lips. I sucked a hickey on her throat, determined to leave a mark that would force her to remember this, to remember me if she ever decided to ignore that we had ever lost ourselves to temptation. But this new, possessive part of me was not sated by the mark left behind. And so I made another one, right between her collarbones. And another one, just over her right breast. And then my mouth was on her nipple and I was sucking, hard enough to make her gasp again, pulling at my locks but chasing me away with her chest, letting me know that she liked this ritual I was dedicating towards her skin, her body.       I kissed my way between both breasts, making sure to leave another mark behind, before dedicating the same attention to her left nipple. My eyes locked with hers momentaneously, before she threw her head back in a moan provoked by my tugging and pulling. I returned to the other nipple, now completely pebbled from my previous attention, dedicating it once more, making sure to leave bite marks all over the precious skin, repeating the same pattern with the second one until she whimpered underneath me. “Please…” She pleaded, all logical thought escaping in her current state of desire.       “Tell me what you want, My Majesty,” I ironically ordered, completely conscious that I would never be able to deny any of her wishes.       “I want you… I need you… Please, Bucky,” she begged, and damn if it wasn’t the sexiest thing I had ever heard.       “Your wish is my command, my queen,” I complied, kissing my way down her body until my lips found her excuse of an undergarment. The material was already completely glued to the lines of her pussy, which glistened even from under the lace tissue. “Ah, you’re already soaked,” I teased, carefully peeling away her panties before spreading her legs to my sight once more.       “I always am whenever I’m around you,” she whispered and I froze. Catching her eyes once more, I acknowledged the pure lust in the brown hues I had grown to love so much, finally admitting that it was possible that she had dreamt about this just as much as I had.       “You fucking little tease,” I growled, diving in to eat her out like the starved man I was for her. “You taste like fucking candy, did you know?” I moaned against her clit, indulging myself in that incredible cum I had only dreamt of lapping.       It didn’t take much longer for her thighs to begin quivering, signaling her approach to her orgasm. I locked eyes with her once more as I tongue-fucked her furiously, making sure my nose bumped on her engorged clit, and I allowed myself to enjoy the show as she reached her high, never stopping my actions. As her breathing calmed down, she looked at me once more and I could only give her a knowing smile, sucking her clit to my mouth again. “The things I want to do to you, darling girl…” I pondered, still cleaning her up with my lips, swallowing her cum down my throat. “I hope you are prepared, because what I have planned for you… What I have dreamt of doing for all this time… It’s going to take all night.”       I put one finger inside of her then, only teasing her hole, knowing I was getting her frustrated. Still, it didn’t take long for her to reach that high again, coming against my face as I once more drank all she had to offer. “I hope you’re not tired yet, my darling…” I warned her, filling her up with another finger. She whimpered, certainly sensitive from her previous orgasms, but I paid no attention. There was no way I would stop before she was completely and utterly destroyed for any other man who would possibly desire her, especially my brother.       With two fingers and my tongue forever drawing patterns against her clit, I made her come again. She was panting now, her body covered in a tight layer of sweat I would gladly lick from her if I wasn’t already on the edge of my own limit. Quickly, I pushed one last finger into her, trying to ease her into the thickness as best as her unused pussy allowed. “C’mon, baby. Give me one more.” She sobbed at the feelings coursing through her body as I neared her to another orgasm. “One more. Just this one and you can have my cock.”       She bit her lip, trying to focus her attention on me once more. “C’mon, baby girl. I know you can do this. Don’t you want to be a good girl for me? Be a good girl and come over my fingers, darling.” She finally let go with a scream I was certain would alert the guards to our less than pure actions inside the bedroom. I moaned, appreciating her taste on my lips once more as she spasmed around me from aftershocks of yet another orgasm. Still dripping from her wetness, I detached myself from her and slowly took off my shirt, carefully watching my queen as she slowly relaxed against the mattress. Before long, she grew restless again, moving around to find me staring back at her, my fist slowly pumping my fully grown cock.       Her tiny tongue came out to wet her lips then and I watched with my head tilted as she focused on my slow movements. “Do you want this?” I asked, hand still tightly wrapped around my member. She nodded, but I only chuckled. “That’s not enough, Y/N. Do you want this?” I repeated, more forcefully tugging myself, now.       “Yes. Please.” She breathed out and, like an hungered animal, I crawled into the bed and forced myself between her legs. “Good girl,” I whispered between her lips before I dove into her open mouth, feeling like I could swallow her whole. My cock, which was resting just over her belly, slowly traveled down until it found its resting place, and, pushing in, I groaned as I was met with the warmest, tightest, sweetest torture I could ever have found. “Fuck,” I cursed, trying to get a grip and not fully blow my load so soon. Soft fingers caressed my cheek and I opened my eyes, surprised, finding sweet bright ones staring back at me with adoration.       “You’re so beautiful,” she whispered, our eyes connected, a cute, almost shy smile on her beautiful lips. I wetted my lips, not capable of formulating some sort of answer, just transfixed by the perfection of the woman under me. “I’ve wanted this for so long,” she admitted and I faltered and my heart skipped a beat. Still unable to formulate any sort of response, I simply leaned down and captured her lips with mine, parting them in a slow dance that was the only way I had of transmitting what my heart and mind couldn’t yet grasp in the heaviness of the moment.       Slowly, testingly, I moved so that I had almost pulled out of her, still unable to disconnect our lips, quickly pushing all the way inside of her again, bottoming out. She broke our kiss to gasp, an attempt to catch her breath I quickly obstructed, as I sped up my thrusts to forcefully plow her against the bed. She screamed again, almost deafening me as I tried to leave even more marks in the crook of her neck and I reluctantly pulled away from her skin to look down at her fucked face with heavy eyelids.       “Does that feel good, baby girl? Huh? Do you like it when I do this? Do you like it when I fuck you against your mattress?” She nodded, incapable of speaking as her mouth hang open and her eyes were closed, her body fully slack against the bed as I used her as a sex doll. “I have never fucked a better pussy in my entire life, doll,” I admitted, punctuating each word with a forceful thrust. “Say my name, Y/N,” I begged, forcing her to look at me by her jaw. “Say my fucking name, doll.”       Our eyes connected, she came again, screaming my name as her pulsing tunnel milked me inside of her. I had never come so hard in my entire life. Spent, I allowed my body to relax on top of hers as I tried to catch my breath, my cock still inside her. Slowly, I gathered my energy just enough to notice that she was caressing my back, holding me against her. “I’m too comfortable to move,” I warned her, to which she giggled.       “You can stay here,” she hugged me before abandoning my skin to play with my hair instead.       “That fucking bastard,” I groaned, almost laughing at the pure hate I felt coursing through my veins.       “Who?” She asked, abruptly interrupting her movements.       “Steve,” I spoke, noticing how she deflated for a bit before resuming her caresses on my scalp. “I can’t believe he has the privilege of being able to marry you,” I explained, depositing kisses across her shoulder.       “I have no recollection of a Steve in my memory,” she pondered after a few minutes of silence. “Maybe you’ve fucked him out of my conscience?” I laughed, lightly biting her in a warning. “But seriously, James…” She pulled me to look at her in the eyes. “In all that counts, I’m yours. I’ve been yours since I got out of that carriage and you said hello to me. Politics aside, you’re the one I would like to marry. In my heart, I belong to you.”       Warmth and happiness filled my body as I took in her words, searching her eyes for any sign of confusion and finding none. I took her lips with mine once again, kissing her with all that I had. Eventually, I became aware of the quenching sounds coming from our still joined parts. I separated myself from her just enough to observe as my cock slowly left her wet pussy, enthralled by the mixture of our cums pouring out of her. Hypnotized, I pushed the white liquid inside of her once more, paying no attention to her whimper at the sudden intrusion of my fingers, despite the fact that she tried to close her thighs to stop me from taking further advantage of her.       “Stop,” I slapped the outside of her thigh, trying to catch a glimpse of my lost heaven once more. “Open your legs again,” I ordered, but when she didn’t obey, I looked up to find her chewing on her bottom lip, looking at me with a pensive look on her face. “I am warning you, little girl,” I threatened, towering over her. “You may become a queen tomorrow, but tonight I am still your prince and you owe me some respect.” Her eyes glinting with a mischievous smile, she let her legs separate just enough for me to force them open, slapping the inside of her thigh this time. “Keep your legs open or you will be punished, baby girl,” I warned her, already climbing down to observe the mess we had made closer.       “Yes, daddy,” came her answer and I stopped my movements abruptly to see that she was still giving me the same look, paired with a teasing smile that made me groan as I resumed my path.       “You are going to be the death of me,” I mumbled underneath my breath, to which she laughed. Looking at her abused cunt, I scooped up some of the cum and pushed it inside of her once more, appreciating the filthy sound that it created. It made up my mind, suddenly throwing myself by her side and pulling her up to her knees. “Come here,” I called, but she didn’t move, eyeing me warily. “Come here,” I reiterated, “I need a taste, please.”       She finally did as I said, slowly crawling up my body until her pussy was just over my waiting lips. So much wetness had gathered already that it dripped onto her thighs and onto my open mouth and I moaned at the taste. “We taste so good together,” I licked my lips before opening my mouth again and pulling her to me, making her gasp in surprise. I fucked her with my tongue, controlling her movement by the cheeks of her ass, during what felt like hours of pure bliss. I didn’t want to stop to gather my breath. I would drown on her essence if I could.       “Fuck, James!” She moaned, her fingers pulling on my hair as if it was a handle. I liked the slight ardor that came with it, and so I ate her out more energetically. “J-James, I don’t think I can…”       I groaned, pulling her to me even more, relishing in the sopping sounds of her pussy as I ate her out. “Don’t even. Come on, my queen. I just want to keep your taste on my lips. You don’t even need to come, just sit on my face and let me eat you out.”       “O-ok,” she whispered, finally relaxing on top of me. I let one of my hands caress the extent of her body until I could hold one of her breasts, smiling as her eyes caught mine as I stared at her from my position between her legs.       “Good girl,” I encouraged her, appreciating the cute sheepish look on her face at my praise. I still couldn’t believe I was able to cause such a reaction from her just from my words. “If you could only look at yourself now…” I mused, a moan escaped her lips after I sucked on her clit.       “You said you wouldn’t make me cum again…” She pulled on my hair, but I could see by the way she threw her head back that she was enjoying herself, despite the sensitivity.       “I never said that. I said you don’t have to come. I never said I wouldn’t keep on trying.” I pulled away from her to laugh at her whine but resumed my lazy stokes on her pussy with my tongue as she looked at me with hazy eyes. The eye connection made our actions that much more intimate, and I had to chuckle as I felt Y/N’s thighs quivering again. “You’re gonna come, aren’t you?” I teased, but any humor from the situation escaped me as she nodded, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth before throwing her head back, gasping as she moved to fuck my mouth. “Fuck this shit,” I growled, pushing her away to lay her down on the bed again before manhandling her to turn her around, slightly raising her hips before forcing her legs open with my knees.       “How are you still horny?” She mused after her scream of surprise echoed around the room.       “Have you seen yourself naked?” That was all I could say before I pushed into her again, carefully. I knew that she was sensitive, I could see how red and puffy her poor abused cunt was, but I simply could not hold myself back. After making sure that she was adjusted to my cock, I started pounding her like the dirty little whore I now knew she was. “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t like this.”       “I-I can’t!” Was her sole response.       “Then shut up and fucking take it, sweetheart.” Her hands scrambled to take a hold of her silk sheets and I growled at the sight of the love of my life underneath me, trembling with the desire that I had granted her. I leaned down to kiss her back, making sure to leave indentations that would surely bruise for days to come, even if she wouldn’t be able to see them. It didn’t take much for her to cum again, squeezing my dick and forcing my own orgasm into her once more.       “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” I cursed as I thrusted into her a few more times, making sure all of my white cream was being pushed further inside of her. But I couldn’t resist much longer, and after a few seconds my arms gave out from under me, dropping me on top of her. She giggled, trying to push me away so she could look me in the eyes again.       “Can you imagine if you got pregnant with my child?” The idea had been dancing around in my brain since I first felt her snugly around me, but I don’t know what prompted me to interrupt the silence that had fallen between us in the aftermaths of our desire. Her beautiful eyes - that I had been carefully watching me during that silence - grew big at the implications of what I was pondering, but she didn’t seem scared. “Do you think that would make them allow us to be together?” Her expression softened at the last question. She raised a hand to caress my cheek that I absentmindedly kissed, expecting her to find a way to let me down easily. However, to my surprise, that wasn't what happened.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

       “You know they’d find a way to pin the child down to Steve.” I watched as he closed his eyes, trying to hide the defeat in them. He already knew what I would say, he just didn’t want it to be true. But there was something that I could say to make him feel better, and that he hadn’t anticipated. “Besides, I don’t need a kid to attach me to you.” He didn’t understand what I meant, but it intrigued him. He sat up on the bed, and I mirrored his position.        “You’re already mine and I’m already yours. You’re my person. I won’t let them take you away from me.” I ran my fingers through his hair and he leaned into my touch.        “You mean…” I cut him off with a nod.        “If Steve can have his, why can’t I have mine? Everyone knows he’ll continue to sleep around. I don’t care how many lovers he maintains, I only want one. You.” His face fell onto mine as soon as I finished that declaration, and he kissed me with a passion I once believed could only exist in books.        “I love you,” he breathed out against my lips, climbing on top of me once again.        “I love you,” I reciprocated as I held him tightly against my body, grinding up against him to signal that it was okay, that I wanted him inside of me again. It didn’t matter how sensitive I was. I had a feeling that now that I had experienced how it felt to have Bucky in me, I would never be able to spend a lot of time without feeling his cock ruining my pussy. He pushed inside carefully, softly, like I was made of glass and was about to melt from under him. And as he waited for me to adjust around him once more, I sighed in relaxation, because this was everything I wanted.        Him.        He made love to me, then. Slowly and passionately. His eyes never left mine and his hands held mine down against the mattress as he thrusted in and out of me. As he brought me to the edge again in minutes, I found myself praying to the heavens that he had his wish fulfilled. The only children I wanted to bear were his.        That night, I fell asleep sweaty, sticky, and glued to the love of my life. And I’d never been happier.

[mashiraostail]

I've been having a lot more depressive episodes lately.(dw, im getting help) But, can i have Nemuri and Aizawa comforting a s/o who just had a depressive episode? You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable with the topic, but if you do thank you so much

Thanks for the request! I can do this for sure and I hope it helps! As someone who is also depressed I put some lil tidbits from my own struggles in here (specifically the gargantuous amount of energy turning the shower knob can take me and how that simple action has literally stopped me showering for weeks) If you’re struggling right now please remember to extend your body the same kindness you so consistently extend to other people!! Even by sitting here reading my writing you’re being so amazingly kind to me!! Project that back onto yourself and give yourself a reward, a glass of water at your favorite temperature, or even a snack if you can stomach it! It’s easy to drown ourselves in comfort content and neglect tangible acts of self love but I promise the energy will be worth it!

Nemuri: It’d been a while since Nemuri heard from you, and even longer since she’s seen you, which was rare. You didn’t drop off the face of the planet or anything but you had been evading her invitations to go out or even just to spend a night with her. She wanted to avoid showing up unannounced but it was becoming concerning. The last thing she wanted was to make you think she didn’t trust you or to startle you, but whenever she brought it up you brushed her off. She hated the idea of you being sick or even just swamped with work all alone when she was more than capable of helping you out. Eventually she just decides to show up, she texts you first but you don’t even appear to open it, she just had a bad feeling and if hero-work taught her anything it was to always trust a bad feeling.  She knocks on your front door for a while to no avail, ringing the bell intermittently, she’s just met with silence. Her key works which at least is a good sign that you didn’t pack up and move across the country or something.  “Hello??” She wanders into the apartment. It’s dark and radio silent. But there are dishes in the sink, your shoes strewn around the entryway and your bag on the table.  “You here??” You were definitely here, your car keys were on the couch and your usual walking around sneakers...or. one of them was underneath the coffee table.  She decides to check your bedroom.  “I’m gonna open the door okay?? If you aren’t decent now’s the time to say it don’t freak out at me okay?? I’m opening the door now.” She opens the door with covered eyes. “Hello?” She peeks between her fingers and is greeted with the sight of you, or the lump that is probably you, curled up underneath your duvet.  “Nemuri.” Your head pokes up overtop your pile of pillows and the fluff of your comforter.  “Well hello!” She piques, clearly relieved to see you, “good morning to you sleeping beauty, though it is 4 in the afternoon.” She pushes the door open the rest of the way and enters the room.  “What’s up?” She leans against your dresser, “where have you been?”  “Where does it look like I’ve been?” You sigh.  “What’re you a vampire or something now? Decided to go fully nocturnal?” She grins but you don’t mimic her amusement.  “What’s wrong babe? I’ve done like 4 things that you would have laughed at by now. Something’s obviously wrong. I texted you and called but you didn’t reply...are you upset with me? This isn’t how you normally act when you’re upset with me...” She wrings her hands together, “normally you come to see me all the time, I’m not saying you have to be inseparable from me or anything but...well this just isn’t like you..if I made you mad I’d rather you tell me babe since I’m clueless..”   You sigh, suddenly feeling guilty for your radio silence for the past few days and the increasing distance you’d put between the pair of you for the past week or so now. It was intentional you just shut down and you didn’t mean to but everything was a chore, even the things you loved, sometimes especially the things you loved.  “No...it’s not you.”  “Well I’m...” She looked confused, “I’m glad to hear that but I’m still kinda lost. Are you sick? Did someone else make you upset? If someone else is giving you problems you need to tell me.” Having the green light gets her to venture further into your bedroom and sit on the edge of your mattress, “I can set some people straight if that’s the problem.”  “No it’s..nobody...no one is giving me any trouble that’s not it.” You also suddenly feel sort of stupid. You don’t even know what put this on. One day you were fine and the next you were worse, and then next was worse and the next was worse than that until you ended up where you were now. In bed 5 days removed of a shower where your one meal of the day consisted of a plain bagel sometimes toasted other times not.  “No one?” She reaches out and holds the bend of your knees, “are you sure?” You nod. “Okay then...well what is it? I wanna help but you’ve gotta let me know how.”  “I just...” You scrub your face, “I just...it’s been a really bad week or..2 weeks or..however long. I don’t know. I feel so depressed and exhausted and everything is annoying and tiring and no matter how much I sleep I can’t seem to stay awake.” She takes in a breath at that and nods with it.  “Oh. OH. Well now I feel stupid pulling away so much. I just didn’t wanna be overbearing and offend you or..well...well what’s up? What set all this on? Did something happen to...to make you feel upset or?”  “I don’t know...I just think I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself. I’ve been slacking and procrastinating and then I got overwhelmed and then I got upset and now...I’m here. I just feel like such an idiot and now to think I made you think I was upset with you because I was too-”  “Don’t even finish that sentence.” Nemuri shushes you, “it’s alright. Really you don’t have to feel bad about that. I get it, I understand now so it’s okay. I’m sorry for making it about me.” Her hand moves up to squeeze your thigh.  “I wanna do everything I can to help okay? Whatever I can do to help you come out on top with this thing...” Her other hand squeezes your lower arm, “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me with this sort of thing okay? We don’t have to get into the...deep emotional part of it if you don’t wanna talk about that with me. But we can start small can’t we? When’s the last time you had something to drink?” She looks at the empty glasses on your bedside table. “And when’s the last time you ate or took a shower?”  The face you make at that tells her more than enough.  “Okay you don’t have to answer that.” She reaches out tuck your hair back but you flinch away from it, the last thing she need to feel was your dirty hair.  “Come on with that.” She sighs, “I don’t think you’re gross. I’m not grossed out at all okay? I promise. I’ve had my fair share of shower protests. It’s in the job description, no ones perfect. I love you, smelly or not. Now hold still and let me give you a kiss.”  You relent at that. She presses a long kiss to your temple, sighing into your skin, “I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t wan you to feel this way ever..so let’s start small.. How about a nice bath, yeah? I’ll set one up for you you can soak in it for a bit, while you do that I’ll clean up around here, change your sheets and...work on that.. situation.. in the sink, then when you’re ready I’ll come wash your hair for you. After that you can relax in the bath a little more, shave if that’s something that will make you feel good, or I could put some conditioner in your hair. Or you can just sit in a nice warm bath with a cold bottle of water and get your energy back up. I’ll get you some real food in the mean time.”  She doesn’t poke or prod for information, she washes your hair with the same care and consideration that went into most of the things she did, she didn’t ask to join you, or to stay. She asked if you wanted to be alone for a little bit longer and left you to it when you confessed that you did only poking in to leave ‘the comfiest looking pajamas I could find’ for when you were done cleaning up. You manage to get yourself up and out of the bath without having to call for the help or extra motivation to do it. She only looks delighted to see you.   “How’d the bath go? Did I use enough bubbles?”  “It was nice..I didn’t realize how..far gone I was..I feel better..” You rub your arm, if she’s at all perturbed by your confession it’s not detectable.  “Yeah?? I had a feeling it would help. Now come here. I really want a hug.” She pats the empty bed beside her and you make your way over.  “Good, there you are.” She wraps her arms around you and sighs, “I missed you.” She tucks you easily into her chest, her free hand scratching the nape of your neck, “don’t apologize for that.” She stops you before you can talk.  “I ordered some food from that place you like. I wanted to make something so you could get some food in you a little faster but...you’re running a little low on raw materials.” She combs her fingers through your wet hair, “it’s okay though having your favorite might make you feel a little better.”  “Yeah..thanks for being here.” You close your eyes, still exhausted but your chest felt lighter, your whole body felt lighter.  “Of course. I only wish I came sooner but...” She pulls back and looks at you, holding the base of your skull in her hands, “I get wanting to be alone sometimes. Needing space to get your feet on the ground is normal but...don’t be afraid to ask for my help either. If there ever is a time that you want me here, need me here even...I want to be here. I know I can rely on you so I hope you know you can rely on me too.” She presses a long kiss to your forehead at that.  “I think I’ll feel a lot better tomorrow.” Your voice is quiet and your fingers brush against her collarbone. “That’s good.” Her palm pulls your hair off your forehead, “in the meantime I’ll be here to help you get there.” 

Aizawa:  Aizawa was an introvert himself. He liked being around other people at times of course but sometimes he just needed a quiet room to recharge. He figured you did too, and plus you were both plenty busy. For the most part he trusted your judgement and tended to not be very insecure when it came to how much time you spent together. He liked being around you, and would rather be with you than not for the most part but he understood probably better than anyone what exhaustion can do to a person. If you were tired then you could recharge. That being said he wouldn’t avoid you if he saw you out and about, and he saw you out and about.  It was actually late for you to be out, late for anyone to be out really. You were leaving a convince store and he was getting ready to call it a night with patrolling.  “Hey.” The way you jump out of your skin at his voice tells him he maybe should have approached you with noisier steps.  “Sorry.”  “It’s okay.” You clutch the bag you were holding, “I just thought I was getting mugged is all.”  “You think there are criminals running around when I’m out here? I don’t know if I should be insulted.” He teases a little and you jump.  “That isn’t how I meant-”  “I know.” He chuckles, “I know. What are you doing out so late? It’s almost midnight.”  “I...had to get some stuff.. You bounce nervously on the balls of your feet, the last thing you needed was him seeing you like this. It was the first time you’d gone out in like 2 weeks, you were sure you looked as terrible as you felt.  “You don’t look very happy to see me.” Ever intuitive. You supposed you didn’t keep it much of a secret, the first thing you did whenever you saw him was reach out for him, his hand, his arm, his waist, you just wanted to touch. Or normally you did, but now all you wanted to do was get away.  “I’m just...exhausted. Sorry I am happy to see you. I’m always happy to see you.” You rub your eyes, “like you said, it’s late.”  “It is late.” He agrees, “I’m finished here.”  “O-oh that’s good..are you hurt at all?”  “No, slow night...but.. why don’t we spend the night together? Since we’re both here.”  He didn’t need to see the state of your apartment.  “U-uh okay yeah we can go to yours..” “You’re closer.” He raises his eyebrows, letting his goggles fall around his neck, “and you just bought stuff. I’m assuming it’s for your apartment not mine.” He peeks into the bag, “I don’t remember sending you a midnight shopping list.”  “W-well yeah but there’s school tomorrow and you’re closer so it’s probably easier for you and-”  “You’re an extra five minutes out.” He laughs at that, “and unless you trashed all my things in the week I went without seeing you I have plenty of stuff to wear at your place.”  “Y-yeah I mean..that is true.”  He raises one eyebrow at you, “so?” You couldn’t think of a good reason to say no, the mountain of dishes in your sink, the full washer and dryer and 2 baskets of unfolded laundry didn’t seem like an excuse, especially considering it was knowledge you wanted to withhold from him in the first place.  “Y-yeah sure..it has been a while.”  “Alright, let’s go then.” He reaches out and takes your bags from you batting your hand away as you try to stop him.  “You’ve been working-”  “I got it. It’s fine come on. You really shouldn’t be out so late by yourself you know.”  “You’re probably right..” You murmur, making to follow him down the road.  He doesn’t pry about your jittery state, he asks a few question about how your day went and seems to back down even more when you take a hold of his arm on your walk.  “It really is slow tonight.” He looks around, “at least you picked a good night for a midnight excursion.” He nudges you a little playfully and you hum.  You wanted to be more engaging but every step brought you closer to the impending doom that would be Shota seeing the abysmal state in which you were living.  Once you get to the front door you realized you didn’t have your keys.  “I...” You look at your shoes and he leans against the wall.  “What’s up?”  “I don’t have my keys..”  “You really are lucky you ran into me.” He straightens up and shifts the bags to one arm to fish around in his pocket, “I’ve got one. Are you feeling alright?” You don’t reply because...well he’d figure it out.  “Please don’t say anything rude.” You warble mostly to yourself as the lock clicks, he pushes the door open. “What do you mean don’t say anything rude, why would I-” He clicks the light on as he steps inside. Oh it’s worse than you remembered. How’d your laundry get to the couch? And why did you get a new glass every time you wanted water? Especially when you didn't drink it half the time. Everything is clearer in hindsight.  “Oh.” He sets the bags down on the coffee table, which is really the only clear surface in a 10 foot radius of him.  “I’m sorry.” You groan, slumping into the wall and scrubbing your face, “I’m so gross-”  “I didn’t say that...But let me ask again.”  He turns to you, “are you feeling alright?”  “Not really no..” You look down again and he starts to pick up some of the glasses.  “The sink isn’t any better..” You warn him, hugging your chest.  “Yeah I figured.” He turns to you, arms full of various aspects of your mess. “Don’t look so guilty. Come on.” He nods you towards your kitchen, you figure the least you can do is pick up a few spoons, bowls and glasses on your way in.  “You don’t have to clean up after my stupid mess I-”  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.” He shakes his head, “you don’t feel good. I wish you’d said something sooner. I would have come when you asked.”  “Don’t feel bad.” You murmur, “I wasn’t ready anyways.”  “Come here.” He holds an arm out and you cringe, “I probably smell terrible I haven’t-”  “It’s okay. It’s all okay. I’m not holding any of this against you, no one is. Come on. Over here.” So you shuffle into his chest, eventually wrapping tired arms around his ribs.  “Does this help?” He’s rubbing long strokes up your back, his palm his firm against you every stroke pushing you a little closer. You just nod into his chest.  “Did something happen? Did someone upset you? Or are you just having a hard time right now?”  “I’m just having a hard time.” You reply, trying not to let your voice sound to wet or warbly. “Cry if you want to. If you need to. It’s okay. I won’t hold that against you either. Sometimes the best thing you can do is cry. I’ll be here for you while you do.” It’s not loud hiccup-y sobs, you aren’t bawling and sniffling. It sounds just as tired as the rest of you, it’s listless and exhausted and downright empty. It honestly hurt him to hear it a little. He’s been there too.  One hand holds the back of your head the other keeps running those lines up your back pressing between your shoulder blades.  “What do you think about taking a shower?” His fingers glide along the hem of your tee shirt, grazing your neck lightly. “It’s not that I don’t want to-”  “I know. Hey, I know.” He pulls you away and slicks your hair back, “but you’re neglecting your body right now. Even if you don’t mean to. Your skin and hair will be really thankful for a shower right now. How can I help you get there?”  He takes you to the bathroom and carefully undresses you going as far to turn the shower nob for you.  “Sit if you need to.” He reminds you, gathering your clothes off the ground, “I’m going to leave the door open so call me if there’s anything you can’t do, but I’ll come check on you in 10 minutes okay? Is there anything you don’t want me touching or cleaning without you? Is there anything that’s off limits?”  “No...it’s okay...I just feel bad you’ve been working and now-”  “Don’t feel bad. I’m not doing anything that you wouldn’t do for me. Take your shower, I’ll come back in a few minutes after I fold up the laundry out here. Try to stay focused.”  “Thank you.” You nod and squeezes your shoulder.  “You’re welcome. And thank you for trusting me.”  He helps you out of the shower and wraps you in a towel. In the time you’d spent in the shower he’d gotten most of your dishes into the dish washer and you could see your couch again.  “New sheets.” He kisses your temple, “you ready to go to sleep?”  You nod as he tosses a tee shirt to you.  “Tomorrow morning you’re gonna eat a good breakfast with me right?”  “I don’t really have much to cook with-” “We’ll make it work.” He leans back against the pillows, “don’t worry about it now. Right now just focus on getting some sleep, real genuinely restful sleep. Wake me up if you need me.” 

[dabiboy]

hhhhh can we get some bratty sub hawks 😳 pls and thank you

Ok, this is my first time writing a Hawks NSFW piece, so I hope it turned out right! Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna drown in holy water.

[Contains: Kinda dom!femreader sub!Keigo ends up being dom,oral sex, sex, dirty talking, cursing, and teasing]

Show Me [warnings: NSFW]

‘'Remind me again why are we doing this'' 

''Because you lost a bet'' You said, finishing the not on the ropes that were holding Keigo's wrists over his head and on the headboard. At least, you were being merciful since he was semi-sitting on the bed in order not to hurt his wings by laying completely over his wings.

''Right. But c'mon dollface, face it. You're not gonna get me that easy'' He said, tilting his head to the side, giving you a cocky smile. 

''If I can recall, it was part of the bet that you have to keep quiet. Do I have to punish you?'' You said resting on your knees right in front of him. 

''You're so cute like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, baby bird'' Keigo let out a low chuckle, licking his lower lip.

''You just can't keep quiet, can you'' Moving closer, you straddled his hips, sliding your hands over his bare torso. He had reasons to brag about.

''You know I have hard times controlling myself''

''Yeah, well you better try this time, Keigo,'' You said, taking off your shirt. His breath got caught inside his throat at the side of you on a new set on lingerie. Red lingerie. ''Or else you won't be having anything in weeks, baby bird'' You imitate his nickname. 

''Fucking hell, angel. Come here already'' He moved uncomfortably, wanting to hold you and drag you to the bed with him.

''If you keep quiet, I might'' You shrugged your shoulders and stood up, walking until the edge of the bed, you turned around allowing him to look at your back. You unzipped your pants and pulled them down slowly. It was possible to hear Keigo cursing at the view of your ass covered in that lingerie suiting you so perfectly. ''And don't you dare using one of your feathers to cut the rope'' You warned him, crawling back to be on top of him one more time. 

''You're such a tease. I swear I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk in weeks'' He said, a low and seductive voice.

''Do you think you're gonna get me with that filthy mouth of yours?'' You lied, of course he was turning you on just by using his words, and you could feel the wetness in between your legs. 

''Yeah, you can't resist me baby bird.'' He gave you a sided smile, bucking his hips up. You were able to hide a moan when you felt his erection against you ''Just look at you, we haven't done anything and you're wet as fuck'' He laughed as he looked at your clothed core. 

''You know what? You're annoying me'' Standing back up again, you went to one of your drawers and when you came back to him, he gave you a defiant look. You leaned forward, and Keigo reacted immediately opening his mouth to receive your kiss, but it was just a trap. Taking the opportunity of his open mouth, you used one of your panties to keep him quiet. He gave you a deathly look. 

''Baby please'' You could assume his words, because it was hard to understand him with his mouth full. 

''You look so pretty like that, Keigo'' You smiled, that is how he felt every time he had control? No doubt why he enjoyed it that much. 

Moving closer to him, you started kissing his neck slowly and painfully, making him shiver under your ministrations. You moved to the other side of his neck, just to keep moving lower. But before doing so, you look at him again. Sweat was starting to cover his forehead, and his chest was moving faster by the second. After giving him almost a wicked smile your kisses were now over his toned chest, also leaving some licks here and there, loving how it felt when he tensed because of your touch. He moved his hips again, desperate for friction and already rock hard. 

Your tongue licked slowly his right nipple, and that movement made him hum with his throat. 

''That's a sensitive spo- Oh shit'' You heard him say, his words weirdly uttered thanks to the panty he had in his mouth. 

As if he didn't say anything, you licked it again. This time, you decided that sucking it softly was a good option, and you did. Keigo cursed again as you sucked, kissed, and licked that zone that was making him crazy. You repeated his actions on his left nipple, enjoying how he was trying to reach your crotch by pushing his hips up. 

''You're gonna regret this, kid.'' He said again. ''But come on, let me touch you. Or at least touch my damned cock. Shit, I'm so hard already, do something'' Keigo hissed, leaning his neck back. 

''You're such a brat'' Rolling your eyes to the back of your head, you spread his legs and settled in between. Loving the sight. 

This time, your kisses were over his stomach, and licks were all over his 'v' line that disappeared inside his black boxers. The truth was, that the way his erection popped out a bit out of his boxers, made your mouth water. You kept kissing his stomach, and even though he was totally shaved down there, he kept that thin line of light blonde hairs under his belly button. You licked the tip of his cock, tasting the flavor of his cum on your tongue. You palmed his erection over the fabric of his boxers, and you swore you felt him twitching under your touch. Your hot breath over his clothed shaft sent shivers down his spine, making him move his hips against you. Slowly, you slid his boxers down his legs, leaving him completely naked in front of your eyes. What a nice view, you thought to yourself. How the hell was he so damn hot? The way his chest moved up and down, how his torso was shinning because of your careless kisses and his sweat, and of course, his wings spread open, puffing and bright red. 

You caressed his thigs, Keigo's eyes were closed and his head was thrown back all the time. In a swift motion, you started kissing the inside of his thigs, making his wanting more and more. You grabbed his shaft on your head and pumped him softly, killing him.  Moving closer, your tongue moved from his base to the tip of his cock, teasing him just with your tongue on his underside of it. 

''Just suck it already for fuck's sake'' He said. 

''Thought I told you to keep quiet'' You moved away, just using your fingers to touch his balls, a gracile, light touch. Keigo hissed. ''Don't be a bratty boy and show me you can handle this'' You replied, and somehow he was able to take the fabric out of his mouth so he could talk.

''I got nothing to show you, baby bird. You know you're dripping wet down there, if you're not gonna suck this fucking cock then let me fuck you'' His words had such an impact on you, but you were not gonna give in so easily. 

You slapped his thigh, making him raise his eyebrows in surprise and give you a cocky smile. Honestly? He got so turned on when you did that, and the fact that you were doing what you wanted had him like crazy. Keigo was letting you have your way with it, but deep down he knew who was going to be in control in the end.

You moved your hand up and down a few more times before taking him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks as you took him deeper. You started bobbing your head on his shaft, and he let out a loud moan from the back of his throat, smiling at the feeling of your wet and warm mouth around him.

''Fuck, you're taking me so good baby bird'' He said, and he moved his hips against you ''You like that, yeah? Do you like the way I fuck your mouth?'' Keigo didn't hold back when it came to dirty talking, and you allowed him to mark the pace just for a few seconds before pulling away.

''You and your nasty mouth'' You said.

''Says who?'' Keigo lifted an eyebrow as he looked at you getting closer to him. You could feel his cock rubbing your ass cheks as you pulled your panties to the side, his jaw hanging at the view.

''You should do something better with your mouth, pretty bird.'' You teased him, parting your pussy lips so you could use two fingers, moving them slowly in and out.  You moaned as you lifted your chin and your other hand was massaging your breast. 

''Shit, lemme taste you. C'mon don't be like this'' He pleaded, trying to get closer to you.

''If you hadn't been such a bratty bird, this could have been your cock instead of my fingers'' You said in a slurty way, you wanted him. Deep inside. But he deserved to be tortured in this way. You used your fingers a few more seconds, feeling the arousal getting bigger. 

''Don't you dare to cum'' Keigo said between his teeth. 

''Why?'' You asked without stopping touching yourself.

''Because I want you to cum all around my cock, baby bird.'' He said, ''You know you want it, just fac-'' 

You interrupted him when you the two fingers that were inside you in his mouth. His eyes were darker, filled with lust and desire as he rolled his tongue around them, loving your flavor. You repeated your actions making him hum. 

Taking his fingers out of his mouth, you used your hand to guide his cock right in your entrance, taking him slowly and inch by inch. Keigo moaned loudly and with no shame at all, maybe even the neighbors could hear him. His wings tensed and you could see his wings ruffling. Once he was inside you, you couldn't help but moan at the feeling, damn he is big, you thought. You were riding him slowly, enjoying every inch and vein of his cock inside you, and you could even tell you were so close. Locking your arms around his neck, you pressed a hot and needed kiss on his lips, letting your tongue to explore his familiar mouth. Keigo groaned when your hands were on his wings, caressing them and even gripping them with a bit of strength. 

''Not the wings'' He said in a drowned moan.

''You deserve it, big boy'' You smiled riding him a bit faster, feeling the texture of his wings as you played with them. The way you were moaning on his ear was driving him insane, and he started moving his hips against you.

''Nah-uh'' You said ''Stay still or I won't let you cum'' with one hand you caressed his sweaty neck. Then your thumb played with his lower lip while you slowed down the rhythm of your hips. ''Beg for it, beg to fuck me hard as you like'' you whispered in his ear. 

''You're not gonna get that'' Keigo replied, suppressing another moan.

''You sure?'' You could feel his dick twitching inside you ''Feels like someone wanna cum'' You were teasing him, and a part of him was loving it, yet the other was hating it. You clenched your walls around him, making him moan as you started playing with his wings again.

''Fuck it'' Keigo hissed ''Please, baby bird. Let me fuck you hard, give you all of this big fat cock and make you cum around it'' He said nibbling your ear, and you could feel butterflies inside you. ''Shit, please. I'm begging you. I'm so hard it fucking hard, move faster please.''

You smiled, and truth to be told you were as needy as he was, and it was in that very same moment when you started moving faster up and down his hips, feeling his cock deep inside you. Keigo followed your rhythm soon after, bucking his hips against you. The sound of skin against skin was in the whole room, together with your moans and some filthy words here and there made you feel in heaven. 

''Fuck I'm gonna cum, are you gonna let me cum, yeah?'' He asked with an aroused voice. 

''Just like that'' You said, praising the way he was fucking you ''Do it, I want you inside me'' Your fingers tangled in his nape, pulling his hair as you grip your embrace tighter. At this point, it was hard to tell who was being the one in control, but the two of you were enjoying it ''Look at me, Keigo'' 

His eyes were on you, screaming in desire. You kept on riding him, working your way to your high as he did the same. Moans were louder and louder, just as the curses leaving both mouths. You could feel his cock twitching again and your walls clenched involuntarily around him. You screamed his name, gripping your nails on his shoulders as your orgasm tore your body apart. In a movement that you couldn't anticipate, one of Keigo's feathers cut the ropes setting him free. He rolled fast, and from one second to another he was on top of you.

''I guess you had enough baby bird'' He said.

His hips never stopped moving, on the contrary. Now that he was between your legs his thrust became faster and harder, completely feral. His hand was on your neck, choking you the right amount as he kept cursing. You could feel the knot on your stomach building up again, and now it was you the one who was moaning shamelessly.

 ''Fuck Keigo, I can't. I can't do it again'' You cried out.

''Yes you can. C'mon, cum for me again songbird. ''He demanded.

You did as he said, and in a matter of seconds, you were screaming his name. The intensity of his thrusts made you cum faster and harder than before, and Keigo followed you shortly after. His wings were wide open when he came, shivering just like his body. He moaned and he remained inside you while filling you up. He kissed your neck, your jaw, and then your mouth with passion, but a slow passion. He took his time to feel your mouth, and all of your body. You opened your eyes to give him a tired look, but then you laughed.

''You cheater'' You slapped his shoulder playfully as he laughed with you.

''Told ya I have hard times controlling myself'' He whispered, kissing your collarbones as he pulled out, making you moan at the sudden change.

 You closed your eyes again, and your heart beat faster when he slid his middle and ring finger along your cunt, sliding them inside together with his cum. You were ready to protest when you felt empty again, but when you opened your eyes you even blushed a little. Keigo had used one of his feathers to pin your arms above your head, restraining you by your wrists. His legs were on each side of your body, and his cock was hard again. This time right in front of you. 

''The tables turned again, angel. I'm in control now'' He said dangerously. He left a caress on your cheek and now it was you the one who was having problems controlling your breathing. Keigo grabbed his cock and aligned it with your mouth, smirking in a more than flirty way ''Now lick it clean before I fuck you brains out again, baby bird. Show me you can handle this'' He teased you, with your very same words.

[doublebladedbitch]

Savior - Captain Howzer x reader

Chapter 6

Parings: Captain Howzer (tbb) x fem reader

Warnings: nothing but some tension ;)

A Twi’lek man showed me the way to the room Rampart had told me to go to. He opened the door for me and I thanked him. My jaw dropped when I entered the room. The room was really pretty and luxurious, at least compared to what I was used to. 

„It’s yours for the night“ the Twi’lek informed me and before I could say anything he stopped me. „The Admiral insists on it.“ So I just nodded and smiled at him. 

The Twi’lek left and I walked around the room in amazement. It even had a connected balcony with a pretty view over the city and the hills leading out into the nature. I looked at the time and noticed that I still had much time, before the dinner, so I decided to go to Hood and Cast and inform them about what just happened. 

I walked out of the larger building to the transport ships, where the troopers were loading out boxes, I felt bad for not being a help right now, but I made my way to Hood and Cast. 

„Maker! You’re still alive!“ Hood stated over dramatically and Cast laughed, but looked relieved. 

„Yes..“ I answered chuckling. „You two will never believe me what just happened…“ Next thing I knew was that the two had dragged me behind the transport ship and stared at me, waiting for my story. Clones really love tea, I thought to myself. 

„Come on, tell us“ Cast demanded. 

„Alright alright…so I guess I am Ramparts…company at a political dinner…tonight“ I explained, still not fully believing it myself.

„Is that the punishment?“ Cast joked, causing me to chuckle.

„For me for sure…“ I answered and sighed. 

„And the admiral…did he ask you to be his date ?“ Hood asked, still just as confused as I felt.

„First of all, I am not his date…and it was more like an order than an invitation“ I explained. I still felt weird and uncomfortable about this situation, not only felt it very inappropriate, I also feared how much power Ramparts high rank could have over me…

Hood must have noticed how uncomfortable this situation was for me and he placed his hand on my shoulder. „Hey..its gonna be fine. Its just one dinner with boring politicians.“ 

„Yeah. And the food is definitely gonna be more delicious, than what we’re gonna get“ Cast joked to light up my mood. 

„And I don’t mean our captain…“ he added with a smirk, I couldn’t help but laugh. 

„Cut it, Cast! He’s probably not even gonna be there…“ I said the last part more to myself, than to them, but they were too busy laughing at their own jokes to notice. 

…………….

The boys insisted on bringing me to my room „for safety reasons“ or so they claimed, but I knew they just wanted to check out the room. 

„Whoa…“ Hood stated when he walked into and they looked around the room. Hood sat down on the kingsized bed and sighed in comfort as he felt how soft it was. 

„What’s that?“ Cast suddenly asked pointing at a grey box that was placed on the bedside table. I shrugged my shoulders and Cast was quicker than me and opened it. He gasped and looked up from the box’s insides with a huge smirk. 

„What is it, cast…“ I asked almost nervously. He handed me the box and my jaw dropped at what I saw. A beautiful black satin dress with turquoise details on the neckline, which was - might I add - very deep. I took the dress out of the box and held it onto my body. Yes, the neckline was more of a deep v-neck that probably almost reached to my bellybutton and I noticed, that the maxi dress also had a leg slit. 

„When Rampart said he would take care of a fitting attire…i would have never thought of that!“ I stated breathlessly. 

„I doubt it’s fitting for a political dinner with that neckline…“ Cast joked and scratched the back of his head. 

„Yeah…no one’s gonna focus on politics tonight“ Hood agreed with his brother. 

„Come on…I don’t think its gonna be that bad on…“ I stated, not fully believing my own words. 

With that dress, the fact that Rampart wanted me to be his company got even more inappropriate, but I quickly changed the topic to not make it weirder, than it already was.

„You two wanna see the balcony?“ I asked them with a smirk and put the dress back into the box. 

They nodded excited and followed me to the door leading out onto the balcony. I opened the door and they rushed past me and gasped at the view.

„Seven! Have you seen this view?“ Cast asked when they looked down at the hills and sighted more of our transport shuttles approaching. 

„Yes. I have, Cast“ I said in a calm voice and held back a chuckle. I walked up between them and looked over the hills into the open land. 

„Look! There are the others“ Hood stated when he saw the transport shuttles in one of the hanger, where our ship had dropped us off earlier. 

„Oh, and look there is the captain“ Cast added and pointed down to the shuttles. 

I leaned myself onto the fence and my eyes wandered over to the direction Cast was pointing at. It wasn’t hard to make out Howzer between his brothers, thanks to the turquoise details on his armor. He was talking to Rampart.

„…and Rampart“ I sighed and rolled my eyes. I turned my attention back at Howzer and kinda just watched him talking to Rampart. I got so lost in my thoughts, that I didn’t even realized, that he had turned his head towards me and it looked like smiled at me, but it was hard to make out from this distance. 

„Seven!“ Cast said alarmed, hitting my arm and throwing me out of my thoughts. I quickly turned to him, confused on what was going on. „He’s looking at us!“ 

I turned my head back at Howzer and his smile disappeared as he noticed Cast and Hood with me. He threw a quick nod at some trooper before he walked into the direction of the buildings entrance. 

„He’s gonna come up here…kriff“ Hood spoke out. 

„Quick you two have to leave…“I said and pushed them inside and towards the door.

„What about you? He saw us…“ Cast asked worriedly. 

„I…I will come up with something…“ I quickly said and pushed them out of the door. They didn’t move, so I told them to quickly get going. „Move!“ And they finally did.

I closed the door behind me and let out a worried sigh. Kriff, what could I say to him…I don’t want them to get into trouble…I thought to myself, trying to come up with a plan. Denying it would be extremely stupid, cause he clearly saw them here…or just act like it was normal and say the truth? Yes, thats it! I am gonna say that they helped me getting ready…there was nothing wrong with that, right?

I decided to get under the shower and if he would come up here, I could just act like I am just getting ready and nothing else…I hoped that me needing their „help“ was a good enough excuse to not get them into trouble. And maybe Howzer would just leave, when he hears the shower…

I quickly undressed myself and hopped under the shower, I relaxed at least a little bit when the warm water ran over my skin. I didn’t took too long and after I washed my body and hair and thought that, if Howzer would have checked on me, he would have been already here. And to my relief I didn't hear anything, so he probably just walked away or never even came… 

I got out of the shower and wrapped my wet body into a grey towel, which was weirdly small and ended dangerously close under my ass. I left my wet hair like it was and walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom. 

I gasped in shock and almost let the towel around my body drop as I saw Howzer awkwardly sitting on my bed. He hasn’t moved so at first I didn’t even noticed him.

„I am sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you“ he quickly explained and walked up to me. I still just stared at him unsure of what to say. „I-I just wanted to check on you, because I saw the others…“he explained hesitantly and I noticed, that he clenched his jaw at his last word. 

„Y-yes…I asked them to help me get ready“ I lied and tried to sound as honest as possible, technically I wouldn’t have lied about them coming up her to see the room, but they paused their work for this, so it had been against the rules. I still felt extremely bad lying to him. 

„Oh okay.“ He quickly stated, as if what I just said answered everything. He nervously turned his head down, almost as if he felt embarrassed. His expression changed to something I couldn’t read, when his eyes wandered up my body and his cheeks turned red when he realized that I was just wearing a towel that barely even covered me.

He opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it and turned around towards the door without saying anything. My actions were faster than my mind and I spoke out, feeling bad about lying to him.

„Wait!“ I said and paused, but it was too late now anyway. He turned around to me and I noticed his eyes shooting down my body once again. His look made me shiver, but in a good way.

„I lied. Hood and Cast came up here to check the view from the balcony…I am sorry for making them leave their tasks. It was my fault, Captain. They shouldn’t face any consequences…“ I told him nervously, but honest. 

„It’s fine.“ He replied. „But something like this can’t happen again…it’s out of my hands, when Rampart finds out. He is can be harsh, when he finds out that soldiers are not following orders“

I nodded understandingly and smiled at him thankfully. „Thank you, Captain. And I appreciate you checking on me.“

He bit his lips when I said the word captain, but just nodded in response and quickly left the room.  What was THAT? His looks, the way he looked down on me and his reaction of me saying his rank…was it turning him on?

I quickly threw that thought away and tried to concentrate on getting ready. I dried my hair and did my make up, but I was unable to shut my head off in the process… I didn't even need to question my attraction towards him, he hands down was the prettiest person I had ever seen and his eyes always mesmerized me. It was hard not to drown in them. Just everything about him…his hair, the scar, his voice and that damn smile. Additional to all that, he was extremely kind, respectful, down to earth and open for action and fun. He definitely had his heart in the right place. 

The looks he was giving me and the way he acted before made me question, if maybe he could be into me too… I suddenly realized how wet I was getting from remembering his looks and the lip bite. I shook my head to focus on my makeup again. 

I got ready in time and got dressed and added the matching turquoise earrings and a short necklace. I looked at myself in the mirror, Hood and Cast definitely were right. No one would be able to focus on politics tonight.

[lordabovehelpme]

ONE MORE! How about after an attack or something happens, the reader made a mistake and ends up getting hurt. Din gets super upset and says a lot of things that are hurtful towards the reader and instead of fighting back they kinda just nod and accept it. after a few days Din notices how the reader starts to act different and apologizes once he realized that the whole thing was because of him. Just some angst ya know? THIS IS SO MANY IM SORRY

Dead- Din Djarin x Reader

Summary: You’re sure you died, but maybe not. 

Warnings: Drowning! 

A/n: No, it’s totally fine. I love all your asks! :) I hope you like this one! 

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s surreal and calm under the icy water. It feels like you’re being held still in time and space. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be. The water should feel freezing and yet, you can’t feel anything. Your chest should be screaming for air but you feel tranquil, not needing anything and nothing needing anything from you. Existing and nonexistent all at the same time.

The world surrounding you is tinted blue and it stays invariably silent. Your hair floats around, framing your face as you look about. Light casts down from above, highlighting the vast water. You’re starting to get tired, eyelids slowly opening and closing. Bubbles work themself from your mouth until no more are left.

Everything fades away, you can’t feel anything. Death is comforting, you conclude. It’s like the moment just before you drift off into a deep sleep. It’s not lonely or spine-chilling like people say, it’s like a blanket of security has been placed over you.

Is this it? Is this the final page in your story? 

You feel warm and cozy, accepting your fate. Opening your eyes to take one more final look at the world, you’re met with a dark blob swimming towards you. You smile as you realize it’s your mandalorian. Reaching out, you cup his cheek before closing your eyes for good.

***

His heart stops as you sink under the water. Body moving on autopilot as he shoots the rest of the group. Running over to the hole in the ice where you were discarded so ruthlessly by the quarry. Bodies surround the area and yet he pays no mind to them. Not thinking twice before diving into the dark icebound abyss after you.

Swimming as fast as the beskar will allow him, he nearly gasps when you reach out to him. Heart dropping to the pit of his stomach when you smile and close your eyes.

No! No, no, no! This can’t be right! You’re not dead! You can’t be! Thoughts fly through his head as he pulls you both up to the surface.

Running to the Crest with you in his arms he checks your neck for a pulse. His blood runs cold when he finds nothing. Yanking off his helmet he presses his head to your chest, no breath.

The water from the lake mixes with the salty tears trailing down his face. He starts pumping over your heart, willing it to start.

“Come on, cyar’ika! Don’t leave me like this!” He’s begging now, wishing he could have only been a tad faster. If only he would have kept you in the ship. You’d be safe and sound then.

He takes a deep breath before smashing his lips to your own. Tilting your head back slightly, he forces the air into your lungs. He starts pumping again, tears blurring his vision.

“Please, please.” If only he had shot the quarry sooner. Then it wouldn't have been able to grab hold of you. The memory of the quarry holding you over the frozen lake, its hands wrapped around your neck, playing over and over again in his head. “Cyar’ika.” He murmurs. The sound of your scream is endless, repeating like a broken record.

It’s been at least six minutes of his desperate cycle before his muscles ache for a break. You’re not coming back, you’re gone. He rests his head on your chest above your heart. He’s wailing now, loud sobs filling the Crest.

The child runs over to your body. “She’s gone. Buir’s gone.” He is broken, like his entire soul shattered into billions of pieces. The child lifts a hand before closing his eyes. But not long after, it collapses into a slumber. He picks up his son and sets him in his hammock.

“Good try, but nothing we can do can help her.” He says more to himself than his son.

***

Lights flash behind your eyelids. Your stomach protests and sends waves of bile and water up your throat. Yanked out of your peaceful sleep you are brought back to the world. Failing your arms you cough and hack up at least a gallon of water. Clutching your newly started heart, you finally get all of the water out of your lungs.

“Cyar’ika?” It’s the whisper of your nickname that greets you first. You open your eyes into the pitch black of the hull.

“Tin can?”

Arms wrap around your body pulling you close. What happens next surprises you more though.

“Cyar’ika! How dare you leave the ship without telling me!” He’s growling and yelling at you. “Are you so weak that even an unarmed quarry captured you? And what was going through your head when he strangled you?”

“I’m sorry.” It comes out meek and timid.

“Saying sorry doesn’t change the fact that you got in the way of my entire plan!” He doesn’t understand why he is yelling at you. All of his anger for the quarry is being thrown onto you but he can’t stop it.

You nod your head while looking at the ground, tears welling up.

“Don’t ever, EVER, do that again. Just stay put when I tell you to!” He gives you one final glance in the dark before pushing his helmet back on and opening the hatch, walking out into the world.

You’re absolutely flummoxed.

***

It’s been three days since the incident, neither of you talk about it. You’ve been trying hard to please the mandalorian, trying to make up for your mistake.

He realizes something is wrong when you’re two hours into hyperspace and you’ve not uttered one word. “Cyar’ika, what’s wrong?”

You look up to him with the most innocent eyes. “Oh, nothing.”

“Come on, I know something is up. What is it?”

“Nothing, Mando.”

“See that's the thing, you never call me Mando, it’s always tin can. What is wrong?” He is starting to get agitated and you can tell.

“Nothing, I swear.”

His fist pounds on the arm rest. “Tell me!” He is yelling now. “What is wrong with you?!”

“Fine! You want to know what's wrong, then I’ll tell you.” You’re yelling back at him. “It’s the fact that I literally died and you have not said one thing except that it was my fault!” You take a shaky breath before continuing. “If I am such a nuisance and I always get in your way, then why didn’t you just leave me to die?”

You can’t tell if anything you’re saying is affecting him, because he just sits there. “Did you even care?” Your voice cracks with vulnerability. Biting your lip you look away from him as the tears slip from your eyes.

It's silent for a couple minutes before his own shaky voice says, “Oh cyare, if only you knew how much I care.” He reaches for your hand but you flinch away. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. I was mad at the quarry and it all was projected onto you.”

You face his visor, locking eyes with the space where you know his eyes are.

“Cyar’ika, my world stopped when I saw you in danger. I just want you to be safe.” He reaches for you again, except this time you take his hand and plant yourself in his lap. “I love you so much and it hurt so bad when you were gone. I am not used to holding these emotions so I just distanced myself from you. I’m sorry.”

“You love me?” It's a hushed question that makes its way past your lips before you even realize it.

He chuckles and brings his helmet to press against your forehead. “I do, cyar’ika.” He takes a breath, “I do so much.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well that was an emotional rollar coaster. Thanks everyone for reading and I hope y’all liked it!

Love, Lordy. 

[miss-tc-nova]

Five More Minutes - Eraqus x Reader

Hey, you guys remember the Five More Minutes - Brain x Reader story? Well thanks to a CERTAIN SOMEONE, the character for the prompt changed from Eraqus to Brain because Nova is a petty bitch. 

And AT LEAST ONE OF YOU UNDERSTANDS THAT! THANK YOU!

However, I’ve been thinking about this WIP for a while and I put myself out there, so I’ll kinda forgive ffm-non’s heinous crime for now and post Five More Minutes with Eraqus. 

Music Inspiration: Hikari (Godson Remix) by Hikaru Utada

~~~~~

              Rushing through the streets of Scala, I bob and weave between unsuspecting citizens on my way to the theater. Today’s the day—hopefully. I’ve spent the last week trying to get a ticket for this show but it’s been sold out every day. Both my saving grace and the bane of my existence is that they aren’t pre-selling tickets, so it’s first come first serve for who gets to see the show.

              I’m heaving like I just ran halfway across the city—because I did—but I finally make it to the theater. Unlike the last few days, I find myself in luck at the sight of the relatively short line. With excitement bubbling in my chest, I race to join the queue.

              Just as I reach the line, something jumps in my way. I garner the embarrassing attention of several people in the vicinity as I topple to the ground, taking the obstacle down with me.

              Hastily, I pull my face from the white fabric.

              “Oh gods! I’m so sorry!” I say, scrambling my feet and taking the strangers hand to pull him up. “Are you okay?! Did I hurt you?!”

              Suddenly, I hear my name and finally get a look at the young man I’d practically tackled. I know him. While my family does not follow the noble keyblade warrior tradition like his, our magic has been revered so our families have been amicable for years. At least once or twice our year, our families get together for dinner and we almost always see each other at events for the more affluent people in the city.

              “Eraqus?”

              A beaming smile crosses his lips. “Hey! What’s up!”

              Heat surges into my ears. While I’ve been forced to be within proximity of this boy for years, I’ve never been caught alone with him before. He’s certainly cute and, while our parents may not think so, I find him kind of funny. Still, while I kind of know him, because of our families’ differences we’ve never actually been friends.

              “Uh, not much. I was just trying to get in line for tonight’s show. But seriously, I didn’t see you. Are you okay?”

              This kid’s laugh stirs something in my chest.

              “Yeah, I’m good. My friends hit me harder than that in training.”

              The sheer happiness rolling off him is distracting. “I…I don’t think that’s a good thing.”

              “Nah, it’s alright; we make each other stronger.” His eyes glance away. “So, I guess you wanted to see this show too?” An arm gestures to the moving line that we scoot along with.

              “Yeah. I’ve been trying to see it the last few days, but it’s been sold out. What about you? I wouldn’t have guessed theater to be something you enjoy?”

              He folds his arms. “Mmm, I like some of them, but my friends really wanted to see this one.”

              I take a moment to take in our surroundings. “Um, what friends?”

              His cheer is bright and captivating, but even the defeated frown it morphs into is somehow endearing.

              “Nobody wanted to come early to wait in line, but we probably wouldn’t get tickets if we came on time.”

              I nod, understanding the dilemma.

              “So Bragi suggested rock-paper-scissor.”

              Now it all makes sense. “And you lost, so now you’re here to buy tickets for everyone.”

              “Yeah…” His pouting is so cute.

              A small giggle escapes me. “So it’s sheer coincidence I happen to literally run into you today?”

              That smile’s back. “Or! We could call it luck.”

              “I would assume bad luck; you lost a game of chance and I literally ran into you.”

              “Details.”

              And so we keep each other company. The more I talk to the boy, the more I can confirm how fucking adorable he is. His smile is infectious and I find myself hanging on every word, no matter how wild the tale is. I can barely even drag my gaze away long enough to take a few steps before I’m staring at his beautiful face again. Before long, I can already tell I’m head over heels for him. Even after tickets are purchased, we find a bench nearby to continue our chat.

              It only ends when someone calls his name. There’s a small herd of people making their way closer.

              Getting to his feet, Eraqus greets his friends. “Hey guys, what’re you doin’ here early?”

              “Early?” snorts the girl with silver hair. “The show starts in twenty minutes.” Her golden eyes catch sight of me. “Who’s this?”

              I wave to Baldr and Hermod, both of whom I know from similar family social events. They do the honor of introducing me to the gaggle, which is both a bit lighthearted and overwhelming. They seem like a great group of friends to have, despite their differences.

              “It was good to see you again,” Hermod says, leading the mass towards the entrance. “But we’d better take our seats before the show starts.”

              “You got the tickets, right Eraqus?” Xehanort asks.

              “Right here.” He pushes all but one into his friend’s hand before turning to me. “Which seat are you in?”

              I look at my stub. “E7.” The look on his face is disappointment. “Where are you at?”

              “N24,” he mutters. That’s literally on the other side of the theater from where I am and I find myself similarly disappointed with the arrangement.

              “Guess I’ll have to get your opinions on the show some other time,” I say, trying to make the blow a little softer.

              Our eyes meet and I feel myself being drawn in.

              “Maybe we could meet up at that little café around the corner?” he asks.

              “The one with the fancy s’mores?”

              “Yeah! That one!”

              Eraqus detours the conversation with a tale about the time he and went there with his friends and one of them ended up spilling a drink on everyone—pretty sure it was Eraqus by the way he kept switching names. Nevertheless, I couldn’t help but laugh.

              “Eraqus, the show’s about to start!” I don’t even know which one it was that yelled at him.

              “’Kay! Just gimme five more minutes!”

              Excited chitchat continues, following tangent after tangent and never with a lull. I could continue on like this for ages, happy to spend hours in his presence, enamored by the boy I never really knew.

              I drag my hands down my face. “And then, because I stupidly thought things couldn’t get any worse, I tried to use a fire spell to dry him off and set him on fire.”

              Eraqus is laughing so hard he’s crying. “Wait wait wait! I remember Hermod came to school with a huge hole in his jacket! Was that you?!” I nod in sheepish shame. “Oh my gods! We thought he got mugged or something! He wouldn’t tell us what happened!”

              “Every time our families get together, our parents won’t let us live it down. Mine won’t even let me join them anymore without asking me to ‘please not light their colleague’s kids on fire.’”

              “And here I thought you were the smart, cool type,” he teases.

              “As much as I’d love to be, I’m actually a total mess.”

              “That’s okay; I am too.”

              “Oh really? I always thought you were laid back and easy going. With our families’ prestige, I was always kind of jealous of how calm you are about everything.”

              “Then you have clearly never seen me wake up late for class.”

              The laughing between us dies down, but before I can make another comment, I realize that he’s watching me. This isn’t watching like two people waiting for cues in a conversation, but watching as if he’s looking for something very specific.

              Beneath his scrutiny, my brain starts to malfunction, causing my ability to speak to take a hit. “Um, I…I’m pretty sure anyone would…would panic if they woke up late for class.”

              “I guess.” The softness suddenly introduced into his voice feels like an arrow through the heart. “But it’s probably not the same when it’s a weekly occurrence.”

              Is he leaning in?

              “No…I guess not…”

              He is—he is very much leaning in.

              “Eraqus.” I can’t even speak above a whisper.

              “Hmm?”

              My heart is pounding in my ears, trying desperately to drown out my thoughts.

              “I think our show’s started,” I breathe.

              “Five more minutes,” he murmurs against my lips.

              Not a single protest is heard from me. No, I’m too preoccupied with electricity coursing through my veins. For a moment, Eraqus leads the way, soft and slow, likely assessing my shock. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what my reaction should be, but my body tells me to just see where this goes. And with each passing second, I’m falling down the rabbit hole with him.

              The world suddenly jars to when the source of my euphoria breaks away. His brows pinch together, concern written across his face.

              “I’m sorry,” he mutters, his voice wracked with uncertainty. “I thought—”

              Without asking my head for permission, my hands snag his haori.

              “Five more minutes,” I say softy.

              Our lips connect again and, though I’m prepared for the jolt, I still feel the weight of the world disappear around us. This time, I lead, hoping my confidence sends the right idea to the young man. I think he gets it, happily matching my every move. His little sighs cause my stomach to squirm, making self-control difficult. But there will be plenty of time for the rest later, for now, I want to take my time and get a grasp on how his lips feel against mine.

              I pull away, using a deep breath the calm my racing heart and ground me back in reality. Eraqus, too, breathes a little heavier, and yet he continues watching me as if he’s still fully enraptured. That look is hypnotizing, subtly—easily—luring me in again.

              That quickly goes out the window.

              “Eraqus!”

              Flinching, he whirls back, where his entire group of friends is standing with mixed expression. My blood freezes.

              “What?!” he shouts back.

              “Are you comin’ back to the dorms with us or not?” Urd demands.

              My eyes dart to the sky. It was dark when the show started, but the moon sat higher among the stars than it had moments ago—or what I thought was only moments ago.

              Eraqus’s gaze flips back and forth between me and them. “Did…Did we miss the whole show?!”

              “Yes, you dingus!”

              Hermod gives a soft smile. “C’mon guys, give him a break.”

              The red-head, Bragi, snickers. “Yeah, the kid’s only been dreaming of this moment his whole life.”

              My mouth falls open but I can just see Eraqus’s face burning brightly.

              “BRAGI!”

              “Oops.” The offender grins unabashedly. “My bad.”

              Xehanort folds his arms, smirking. “Ooooh, so this is that cute little mage he’s been crushing on.”

              “You mean that one he always talks about after he visits his family?” Her tone is full of innocence, but the grin on the little blonde’s face is pure evil.

              Oh my gods, I might implode.

              “YOU GUYS!”

              “What was it he said last time?” Urd asks, also basking in Eraqus’s flustering.

              Baldr answers, “I believe it was something along the lines of ‘I would give up naps for an entire year if the gods would just let me have a single—‘”

              “I’LL DO EVERYONE’S HOMEWORK FOR A MONTH IF YOU JUST GO AWAY!” Eraqus yells, waving his arms as if he might fly away from this mess.

              Hermod begins ushering everyone away. “Seriously, guys, let’s go.”

              “Wait! I don’t want him doing my homework!” Bragi protests. “He’s failing like half our classes!”

              Glancing back with one last devious look, Xehanort responds, “Let him have his moment; we’ll just make him do something else later.” The expression softens when he gives me a genuine wink.

              Finally, after instigating all the butterflies in my stomach to the point I might vomit sparkles, they leave. We sit in suffocating silence for an awkward moment. Then, one of the butterflies must’ve escaped into my brain when I suddenly crack a laugh.

              “An entire year without naps, huh?”

              Still cherry red, he looks at me, mortified.

              His floundering gives me the bit of confidence I need to close the gap once again. “And what was it you so desperately begged the gods for?”

              Eraqus’s back meets the wall, but he still puts on a smile, even if it is bashful. “Let’s just say I’ve already lost my napping privileges for the year.”

              “Yeah? So if the gods were to grace you a second time, would that be two years without naps?”

              His nerves seem to melt and those stunning gray eyes glitter in the moon as he watches me. “You gonna stick around and find out?”

              “How long were you thinking?” I slip my arms around his neck, unable to stop myself from twirling a strand of ebony hair between my fingers.

              “Oh at least five more minutes.”

              “Just five?”

              He feigns mulling it over in head. “And maybe five more after that.”

[chunhua-s]

congrats on your milestone event!!! id like to request for kita soulmate!au with angst to fluff genre 👉👈 yknow sumn rejection shit bcs im hopeless like that wehee once again congrats! and i love your writing style :3

anon you’re gonna make me cry 🥺 seriously i’m happy you enjoy my writing and that you think my style’s okay! most of the time i go off of what kind of feelings i get when i’m writing or the imagery that comes up in my head and i’m never sure that it translates well enough for you guys to feel or see the same thing. hopefully as i keep writing then i’ll be able to show you guys what’s on my mind better when i’m writing! thank you again for requesting — seriously, it means a lot! and like always, you guys, don’t be afraid to come and talk to me on and off anon! your interactions mean a lot, especially for content creators! we love hearing what you all think, what you like/dislike about our work, what you think of certain characters — absolutely anything! come and talk with us more whenever you can 💕

writing for kita feels calming somehow. normally the things that come up in my chest or my mind when i write gets nearly overwhelming if that makes sense? like i’ll have to pause and remind myself to breathe because it takes up so much of my attention that i kinda get lost, but with kita, it feels more flowey to me. it’s not demanding but more like a gentle coaxing kind of thing or like looking at the surface of a calm river. i was initially scared to write for him because i was worried i wouldn’t get him right, but i feel satisfied with how this turned out, i think. i hope you guys will find it as calming as i found it too! it might not be exactly what you wanted, but because i had already written the rejection of a person for atsumu’s soulmate oneshot, i wanted to play around with kita’s character and make it instead the rejection of a concept/idea? which would indirectly lead to him... you know, rejecting his soulmate initially, but— ahhhhhh it might make sense to just read it!! these rambles keep getting longer and longer :v i’m sorry for that!! please go ahead and read and tell me what you think in the end! 💕

NOTNING MORE THAN HUMAN ➽ KITA SHINSUKE x READER

genre: angst to fluff

au: soulmate

warnings: none

shinsuke kita is human.

and of course, that much is obvious. he isn’t a machine that’s incapable of feelings and emotions, whose heart is unfamiliar with melodies of an overwhelming joy, or the quiet hymns of deep rooted sadness. his skin still burns under righteous fury and anger, his tongue still weighs heavy under hesitance and silent worries. at the end of every long day, he’s still human.

it’s because he’s human that the words on his collarbone feel so heavy, as if they might cave into the bone and destroy him under their weight. it’s because he’s human that the sight of black markings in the mirror clouds his mind with a new kind of fear and worry. shinsuke kita is human, but he’s long since taught himself how to abandon anxiety and nervousness. he surrounds himself in familiar routines that calm the turbulent voices of doubt, he builds habits that ground him to the earth lest he should be swept away by the current. shinsuke has taught himself not to be afraid for the things that will happen everyday, but meeting his soulmate isn’t one of those things he can prepare for.

it’s a strange concept, he considers to himself. shinsuke doesn’t believe in words like fate or destiny, doesn’t care for the higher powers that should judge his actions. as far as he’s concerned, his own will is what dictates where his life goes — he’s in control, and that’s how it’s always been for him. let the gods watch, if they must, but he’s already decided that he’ll live by what is right, and he wouldn’t dare falter in the face of it. and yet — and it’s such a strange thing for him to do so — he pauses under the notion of a soulmate, of a destined partner who’s supposedly bound to him for as long as he should live. at first, he hadn’t given the idea much thought; it wouldn’t serve any purpose to worry about something that would happen whether or not he wants it, he decided. the truth of it is inevitable, just as the leaves must fall in autumn and the earth should be buried under clouds of white in winter. shinsuke is human — what more can he do but to accept it?

the black words that spread across his skin like droplets of ink became the bitter seeds of doubt that he hadn’t felt in a long time. it’s raining a lot today, isn’t it? the sentence by itself is so bland, like something maybe aran or anyone else might say to him in passing, and at first, it didn’t shake him too much, until he was caught one day under a sudden summer storm. seventeen year old kita somehow found himself stranded beneath a small shelter, where the wooden covering could protect him more than his umbrella until the rain passed. it was nearly unconscious, but he somehow found himself on edge, his breath faltered with the harsh pitter patter of rainfall that tumbled from green leaves and tore ripples from the surface of the lake. shinsuke kita found himself with a stomach full of butterflies and a thundering heartbeat that stole him away from solace and calm, cast the peace that he would so often carry with him away and left him stranded among chopping waves. every trembling breath he took stung on cold air and left him with a burning feeling on his lungs. it’s unfamiliar in its presence and shakes him to his core, but shinsuke kita is reminded of his own humanity when he realizes that what he feels, is anticipation and nervousness.

and it’s an odd thing. as he becomes aware of it, he finds himself twisting his fingers together during spring time; he worries his bottom lip between his teeth during unexpected showers. he feels like a child who stands in line to ride a roller coaster for the first time in his life — wide-eyed and drowning in the millions of feelings that race throughout his body. the feeling itself is nothing new, though it’s unfamiliar and intense in its ferocity and demand, seizes his heart and squeezes so tightly that whenever it rains, he’s left breathless.

it’s almost enough to drive him mad.

his very foundation seems to fall apart with the thunder that rolls across grey skies. for every drop of rain that hits the pavement, he finds himself a jittery mess as his heartbeat tears through his chest. the man who taught himself to abandon his fears reverts into the young boy who watched out for god, for the higher beings who watched his every move. and the thought that comes with every brilliant bolt of lightning burns him just as hotly, invasive and demanding when it flashes through his mind on a single, low whisper:

will you be happy?

shinsuke kita is human. he learns as he sees and lives as he’s learned, and what he saw growing up was that soulmates were bounded together till death do them part. a connection that’s set deep in stone, never to be erased by unforgiving weather and to persevere during the cruelest of storms. it’s an inevitable reality that the gods designed, so that mortals like himself should dance on stage and tell them a story. but shinsuke knows that not all these stories have a happy ending.

there are plays that end in tragedy and loss, those that only knew memories of pain and sang with death’s violin. man becomes the actor to a play that he has no choice in and dances on the puppet master’s strings, he surrenders control and gives himself up to the music, and he has no way of knowing the end of it until the curtains should fall. shinsuke has never been one to lay down his will, and yet, as winter melts once more into gray rain clouds and scattered showers, he’s reminded of his mortality, of the fate that’s been sealed away in the falling of rain. shinsuke kita is human, and so he must, like all men do, bend to fate’s will and never utter a word against her.

and for a long time, the sentiment caused him to completely reject the idea of a soulmate.

that feeling of helplessness that would wash over him with the rain turned into a bitterness that crushed his lungs between tightened fist. the acceptance of an inevitable waltz — whether it be to eternal happiness or to a cruel melody — turned into rebellious loathing that spat in the face of destiny. it’s entirely childish in its tale, like a toddler throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t want to give up his precious toy. that toy is his control, the power he had to live his life by his truth, not by that of a higher being. he’s human, after all, and humans are selfish and resentful by nature.

he finds himself with a heavy chest today, as well, as he waits for the pouring rain to subside. the small shelter in the middle of the garden park is familiar, and carries with it the memories of his epiphany, the one that created thunder storms in his once tranquil heart, and for that, he hates this place. the sound of the rain hitting the roof is like nails scratching against the chalkboard; the sound of droplets hitting the lake like an annoying whining that he can’t get out of his head. shinsuke curses this little pocket away from the world with all the childish anger in the world — let it be damned that doing so wouldn’t change anything. for once, he let himself go on a petty grudge against the universe, and against that looming stage and its heavy curtains.

it’s nearly faint, but he picks up on the patter-patter of footfalls that quickly approach him, and he turns bronze coloured eyes to find your rain-drenched figure running for shelter under the little gazebo. you’re out of breath by the time you make it underneath, letting out an exhausted and frustrated sigh as you press your hands to your knees, and shinsuke finds himself sympathizing with the way you bitterly push your hair from your face. you’re an ordinary office worker, from what he can see; you’ve hidden what looks to be a messenger back beneath your coat, leaving you to tremble in a thin button-up. this day’s downpour had been sudden, unexpected as spring would soon surrender to the approaching summer, and he imagines that he would have been in a similar position as yourself had he not packed his umbrella beforehand.

a silence settles over the both of you that’s only broken by the heavy rain, but the presence of it is so soothing that shinsuke finds himself breathing on a lighter air. suddenly the smell of petrichor turns sweeter, the melody of raindrops melting into a distant lullaby, and for the first time, shinsuke feels his heart melt under an indescribable sense of warmth despite the weather. and when your eyes turn to find his, a helpless grin on your lips, he feels that warmth explode under summer fireworks and coarse throhgh his veins like liquid lightning.

“it’s raining a lot today, isn’t it?”

for the second time in his life, shinsuke has an epiphany under the shelter in the garden.

he feels every bit of resentment vanish on a sudden gust of wind, one that sends raindrops splashing against his skin, but he doesn’t seem to notice. not when grey clouds suddenly reveal to him pillars of sunlight that embrace your figure and makes you glow against a background of green leaves. the rain turns into something sweet and enticing, and it suddenly gives shinsuke this unexplainable urge to grab your hand and dance with you underneath the pouring showers, where he can hear your voice ring out on chimes of laughter and innocent bliss. in mere seconds, he manages to let go of the dark clouds that he’d unintentionally harboured on his chest, he let them burst with the weight of anger and childish fury so that they would hit the earth on giant droplets of rain.

shinsuke kita is human — he’s imperfect, mortal. he feels and he thinks and he speaks what’s on his mind. he can hate, and he can love: he can make that decision on whether or not to hold useless grudges and to curse a destiny he can’t change, or to welcome that inevitability with the willingness to learn and grow.

today, as he stands beneath a wooden shelter, hiding from the heavy rains, he decides to stretch his hand out and let the water hit his skin.

davi hits 200 followers — haikyuu!! au writing event! 💕

taglist: @aiiishiiiteru @bootylikepeachy @tsumue

send an ask to be added!

[thiswasinevitableid]

for mermay, 24 indruck nsfw?

Here you go! 24 was Lighthouse, and I made it a continuation of this space mermay fill. NOTE: this fill contains oviposition.

Communication Log between Lieutenant of the Amnesty and Chief Astrobotantist Duck Newton.

Joseph: Storm is forecasted to last four days at least. We won’t be able to land on Atlantia to pick you up until it passes.

Duck: Roger that. We should be fine here; ‘Drid says the storms are dangerous for spacecrafts and travel but not for buildings. I’ll keep testing the specimens we found in the meantime.

Joseph: if it gets too dangerous, let us know and we’ll try to get an emergency retrieval ship to you.

Duck: Will do. Duck out.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Atlantia, one of the four moons of the planet Oceana, is off limits to most. It’s home to precious minerals that the residents of the moon Aquaria have been known to go to war over, fighting to see who controls the territory in which the substance resides. To avoid these conflicts, the whole moon was declared a public resource, and all but the native Atlantians must acquire elaborate permits to visit. Outsiders are practically forbidden.

Unless said outsider is married to one of the most valuable individuals in the whole lunar system and said individual is suddenly very willing to throw his weight around for the sake of his beloved’s research.

Indrid’s negotiations were only able to secure permission for him and Duck, not the rest of the Amnesty, and so Duck spent the better part of two weeks scouring the plant life and trying to discern if the mineral make-up of the soil produced plants more likely to contain the curative properties he’s searching for. When the storm picked up, rendering the surface of the moon unsafe, Indrid apologized profusely for not foreseeing the change in the futures. Duck pointed out that it was sudden enough that the two of them had already arrived at the pick-up spot before the storm turned violent.

Of places to be sheltering during a storm, an Oceanic Beacon is at once an excellent and terrifying choice. It’s a combination of a lighthouse and landing strip, alerting travelers to the presence of land and the location to dock their craft. Because light from the beacon has to reach a massive distance into the sky and across the waves, the building lives beneath a dome of specially engineered, see-through glass. A storm has never so much as cracked one. But it means that Duck has a perfect view of the gigantic waves washing over them which, while awe-inspiring, makes his lizard brain certain he’s about to drown.

So he spends most of his time in the terrestrial rooms researching to keep his mind off the weather. Except for when Indrid swims up from the heavily fortified subaquatic portion of the lighthouse to visit him. Then he devotes every last bit of his energy to his husband. Most of the Aquariads he meets are shocked to discover he’s not only happy to be married to the eerie, formidable seer, but that he actively misses him when he’s out on his missions.

“The others are not too worried I hope?” Indrid swims to him as he comes down the stairs from the communication pad.

“Nope.” Duck pulls off the top of his uniform, “once you knew we had food to last over a month if we had to, I got a hell of a lot calmer too.” He drops into the pool, water carrying a hint of heat, as Indrid curls the celestial expanse of his tail around his waist. Duck is a strong swimmer, but Indrid’s ability to carry him to and fro without getting so much as winded makes him want to feign helplessness and spend his days in those undulating scales.

“In that case, sweet one, care to join me for a swim before dinner?”

Duck smiles, “You know it, sugar” and draws the alien in for a kiss as the lights of the beacon make gemstones of the salt spray on the glass.

--------------------------------------------------

Two days down, two to go, and Indrid wishes he could enjoy their little impromptu second honeymoon to it’s fullest (he’d taken Duck on a proper one his first visit back after joining the others on their expedition). His body has other plans; it seems to have caught on to the fact his partner keeps coming and going, and that if he wishes to have offspring with said partner, he needs to be ready (never mind that he and Duck cannot have offspring through any sort of biological means). So when Duck’s scent fills his nose and his laugh floods his ears, his body decides to fill his ovipositor.

Thus, he’s spent the last three days increasingly uncomfortable, the weight noticeable in his abdomen. His initial plan was to excuse himself early in the evening when they got home and masturbate until they were all released. But the beacon, while spacious, has very few rooms closed off, and the water is so clear that there are a high number of futures in which Duck catches him in the act.

Which is why, as the human sleeps a very safe distance from the edge of the pool (“‘Drid, if I fall in the worse that’ll happen is I get a hell of a wake up call” “yes but I cannot bear even the slightest risk of you drowning”), Indrid is squirming in an attempt to get comfortable. He doesn’t even realize he’s chirping in frustration until Duck murmurs his name.

“It, it is nothing sweet one, go back to sleep.”

“Darlin, your spots are goin’ green.” Duck indicates the flickers of sickly chartreuse in the water, “you feelin sick?”

“No. Or, ah, not in the sense you are thinkingoh, ohhh” he sighs, rubbing his face against Duck’s palm as the human gauges whether he’s feverish, “but I am achy and restless.”

“And hot, christ ‘Drid, there are med supplies here right? I mean, I got some in my bag, but they’re for humans-”

“I am not sick. It’s this” He rolls onto his back so Duck can see his cock straining to emerge.

“Sugar, you know you can ask for help with that any time.” Duck’s smile is sweet sin.

“No, it’s” Indrid whines as the tip emerges, the bulge of the first egg painfully obvious.

“Oh. Huh. Kinda figured you weren’t due for that again for a year or so. Not sure why; guess I just assumed Aquariads had a matin season.”

“Unfortunately it can happen quite often. If, if you do not mind, I will excuse myself and deal with it. It’s to the point where the eggs need to come out sooner rather than later.”

“Sure. Or, uh, if you want, I could, uh, help you out?”

--------------------------------------------------------------

The widening of Indrid’s eyes and the shock of orange that travels up his tail and fin suggests Duck has just done something remarkable.

“Surprise you, sugar?” He tucks a strand of silver hair the behind the aliens fanned out ear.

“Yes. There, there were no futures where you offered, why in the name of the deep did you?” His colors have turned nervous, but Duck spots occasional bursts of desire.

“Because” He sits up, patting his lap so his husband will rest his head in it and let Duck rub the knots in his neck, “you’re my ‘Drid; I wanna help you out, make you feel good too. And uh, I gotta admit, I been a little curious about it. Plus that holo-porn compendium you sent me while I was gone time before involved it a lot and it seems like it could be fun.”

“So you did watch it” Indrid looks up, grinning.

“Course I did. Gotta learn how to please my Aquariad husband.” He teases, kissing Indrid’s forehead.

“You need no help in that area whatsoever. I could not ask for a finer husband, human or otherwise.” Indrid kisses Duck’s belly through his thin shirt, then pauses, ��you are not offering this out of a feeling of obligation, right?”

“Right. I want to do this with you, ‘Drid. Cross my heart.”

Red eyes skate up to his face, “In that case, disrobe and get in the water at once.”

Duck sinks into the clear depths the instant he’s naked, Indrid swimming back only long enough for him to get in before crowding him against the edge of the pool.

“My love.” Indrid purrs, kisses so languid and gentle they almost disguise the heat in his fingertips as gropes Duck’s ass, the force with which his tail forces his legs apart.

“You know itAHhh, fuck, fuckin love that” he groans as the tendriled tip of his cock teases Duck’s own, “so, uh, this gonna be that different from the way we normally do this?”

“For starters, I will not cum until all the eggs are deposited.” Indrid’s fin flickers pink, “and it will be more intense on your end, not only because of the stretch but because I have to be rather, ah, vigorous in order to make sure they all come out.”

“As opposed to all those times you don’t fuck me like there’s no tomorrow.” Duck snickers, wrapping his legs around the dark scales to help ease Indrid’s cock into him.

“It’s not my fault you are the most delectable, ah, ‘piece of ass’ I have ever seen. Did I use that correctly?”

“Yep” Duck tips his head back, allowing Indrid to kiss it as he pauses his thrust so his tendrils can stroke his G-spot before continuing deeper, “you been watchin earth porn for ideas?”

“Indeed. I also found some featuring an actor who looks rather like you, and watched it an embarrassing amount during your absences.” He chirps as he bottoms out and Duck toys with the sensitive band in his fin as Indrid positions them so the bottom half of his tail is flat against the wall, which lets him keep Duck pinned to it.

“You are going to squirm, and I do not want you doing so and coming off my cock.”

“Seem mighty confident you’re gonna get that reaction.” Duck nips his ear.

Indrid’s sharp-toothed grin takes on a hungry glint, “The futures tell me so. But since you seem to doubt them…”

“AhFUCK!” Duck’s back bangs into the wall as Indrid pulls halfway out and then drives back into him, “fuckyeah, sugar that feels so fuckin goodOHwhatthefuck” the bumps in Indrid’s cock are moving, the ones towards the base of the shaft grinding on Duck’s dick as they do.

“Nmmmm, I told you I was pent up, oh, oh yes, yes sweet one, get ready to take the firstAHhhnnn.”

“Jesusfuck” Duck bucks his hips as the first egg pushes into him. It’s not hard like a birds egg, more soft and squishy, but all the same his body convulses as it registers something inside him. His brain, however, sends a moan from his mouth because as alien as the sensation may be, the fact it’s Indrid doing it makes him wetter and harder than he’s been in weeks.

Better still is the look on Indrid’s face, his head tipped back in bliss as he fucks him. It’s only when he looks down that Duck sees the tears threatening his eyes.

“You, I, I’ve, you are letting me lay in you, letting me mate with you, no, no one has ever let me do this before.”

The heat spiking through him on the word mate changes to fierce affection at the thought that Indrid was denied such closeness, or any closeness, for so long.

“Oh darlin, c’mere” he guides the alien into a kiss, then moans as another egg presses into him. Indrid swallows the sound down, keeps Duck in the kiss until the pressure has subsided.

“Such a lovely little mate.”

“Do my best.”

Indrid rubs their cheeks together, “That is why this has been so frequent, you know. I am so very enamored with you that the primal parts of my system want nothing more than to fill you with my eggs, keep you here pampered and fucked out until we have a whole little school swimming about the house. I, ahhhn, I could even look after them on my own while you are away. Or, or if we decide that is not for us I want to lay in you every day so no one else will ever dare to think you could be theirs.”

“Not a fuckin chance, fuck, darlin” his thighs tighten around his tail as another egg pulses out of the tip, “it’s so fuckin hot when you talk like that.”

“Really? I was afraid I was babbling. OhOHohdear, ah, this is unexpected.”

“Uh-”

“Not in a bad way, but I am so aroused the eggs are going to start coming out more quickly. Which means, my darling husband, I suggest you hold on.”

“Way ahead of youUUUshit, fuck” his hands switch from gripping Indrid’s shoulders to thrown around them for dear life as Indrid bounces him roughly on his dick. There’s not pause between the fourth and fifth egg and he’s starting to feel full, squirms when the sixth egg almost pushes Indrid’s cock free.

“I, I told you so.” Indrid purrs, hands holding tight to Duck’s ass as another egg emerges, “but you are not going anywhere, little human. You are, nnng, staying right here, taking every last one of them, because you are my mate and if I want you full to burst you will be.”

“Holy fuck, ‘Drid” Duck buries his face in his husbands neck as his cock shifts backwards. The tip opens wider, covering all of Duck’s folds as the tendrils return to his dick, “fuck, fuck, sugar I’m gonna cum.”

“Yesss” Indrid growls, tail rippling as he forces the next egg into place, “that’s it, sweet one, cum for me, cum while I stuff you full, my perfect, perfect, wonderful one.”

Duck can’t even get words out as his orgasm races through him, muscles spasming in new ways around the eggs. He whines as Indrid continues bouncing him, eggs shifting and keeping his muscles from relaxing, tendrils keeping a rapid tempo on his dick.

“Oh, ohohohoh I am close, ohyes, Duck, my sweet Duck, you take me so well, take a little more, be a good mate and take the last one, take my cum, you are going to hold all of it until I am satisfied that you are mine AH, ahhhhyes” he trills and Duck grunts as he’s stretched wider by the last egg and flood of cum. Indrid clings to him, chirping and trilling as his tail twitches, until his cock retracts. Then it’s just the storm and the sound of their joint panting as Indrid swims them weakly backwards to a shallow section of the pool.

“Here” the alien guides Duck to recline half out of the water, “if you spread your legs and relax, most of them will fall out on their own.”

“Gotcha.” Duck can neither keep his eyes open nor stay upright, so Indrid adjusts so the human is resting atop him, back against his chest. One by one, the eggs slip out dissolving in the water after a few moments. The last two prove stubborn and Indrid massages his abdomen, cooing about how wonderfully he did, until they too slip away.

“Thank you.” Indrid murmurs, nestling his chin on his shoulder.

“Any time, darlin. Or, uh, maybe not too many times back to back. Not sure my junk can take it. Still, better we did that than tryin it up my ass. Woulda lead to some awkward med records and my crew never lettin me live it down.”

“Do not be so sure. I suspect Joseph would have been envious.”

Duck snorts a laugh, looking over his shoulder in surprise.

“I read his sexual preferences on those forms they made you each submit.” Then he smiles like a sunrise welcoming Duck home, “but I think I made the right choice, don’t you?”

“Yeah, sugar, I do.”

[imaginingmyloki]

Shift in Reality (pt 2)

Word count: 2,120

A/N: ok so obviously this took way longer than I expected/promised it would. Life has been getting in the way of fun lately. As some of you know, A year ago I left home and moved across country to Arizona to discover myself/make a new life/have an adventure. Well now I am moving back home to Virginia and it has just been a wild few weeks. (more on that later) anyways, enjoy part 2! There will definitely be a part 3! I said in a few answers to anons yesterday that this would likely be the last part but it kinda took off from me and started writing itself haha. I am not going to give a promised date for part 3 but I do have a good chunk of it already written from cutting it out of this lol. I won’t be linking any youtube vids about her powers this time, if you check out part 1′s note there is a compilation video of Daisy Johnson using her powers and she is based off of Daisy. ok byyyeeee

“No this can’t be right... I was just with them. What is going on?” I was frantically looking around the room trying to figure out where the hell I was. “Ma’am you need to calm her down or we will have to sedate her.” One of the white coats told the woman with the familiar voice. The heart monitor next to me was beeping rapidly, adding to my anxiety. She moved slightly closer to me and grabbed my hand and started talking. I couldn’t focus on what she was saying but the familiar cadence of her voice was calming me down significantly. “I don’t understand why I’m here. Who are you?” she looked hurt when I asked her that question. One of the many people buzzing about the room checking on the machines quietly said “Some amnesia is really common in these situations. She will likely regain her memories as time passes.” the woman nodded sadly and kept talking to me even though I was not paying any attention to her and was trying to focus on all the details I could about the room I was in and the different faces coming and going. 

                                                 -At the Compound-

Loki was sitting next to my unconscious form reading when Bruce came in with a machine that looked like a very small version of an MRI. “This is S.H.I.E.L.D.s latest, top of the line medical equipment. It is essentially a mobile MRI but way more advanced in what it can pick up. I didn’t do one before but she’s been out for almost 24 hours and hasn’t even moved so I need to see what’s going on in there.” He positioned the machine near my head and Loki watched Bruce’s face go from curious to concerned in a matter of seconds. “What is it?” He asked. At this point Nat and Wanda had come over to check on me and joined the group to see what was happening. Bruce shook his head, “I have no idea. There is something foreign in her temporal lobe. It looks like it is sending electro magnetic pulses to her brain causing her hippocampus-” He looked around and had to remind himself to use more understandable wording for them,”-uh her memory and dream centers to light up like crazy. I wish we could get in there and see what was happening.” Everyone slowly turned to Wanda who nodded and said, “Ok move the machine out of the way.” as she approached me. 

“Well? What did you see? Is she ok?” Loki demanded when Wanda had finished. She sat on the end of the couch by my feet, “We have to get that thing out of her, guys. She didn’t even see me when I was right in front of her trying to get her attention. It has her in this fake reality where she was in a coma and just woke up in the hospital with someone I assume is meant to be her mother. And the worst part is that we don’t exist in that reality. We are just movie characters. She seems really confused but the doctors are saying she has amnesia and its common for coma patients to wake up thinking they were a part of their favorite fictional world. It looks like she is starting to believe them. She looks so lost and heart broken. I couldn’t pull her out of it.” Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes, no one having words for the situation. Wanda looked to Bruce “How is this possible?” He was quiet for a few more minutes before answering “The only thing I can think of is the Winter Soldier.” He put a hand up to stop the incoming questions from the group as he continued, “With Bucky, their first and most formidable success, they wiped his memory, emotionally and physically tortured him until he broke and they had total, absolute control of him. Until Steve. The programming used on Bucky, while it was effective, didn’t hold up against the memories surfacing. So other than the obvious technological upgrades of this new programming- if that is what’s happening- they realized their fatal flaw. They tried to completely wipe out memories and when they resurfaced it undid everything. Making (Y/N) think that she made us up, that we are fictional characters, and now that she has forgotten her own life will not only break her but it will solve the issue of us breaking the programming in the future. She thinks we only exist in her mind and on the screen. I wouldn’t be surprised if this reality they have her in starts to change into doctors discovering she has a mental disorder that comes with hallucinations. Now, after they wipe her memory, if we start showing up again, she will question her own sanity and not her handler’s orders because her most recent memories of us are going to be that she can’t trust her own mind.” Everyone stared at him in stunned silence. “We need to get Tony and the others in here and brief them now. and we need to find Nelson.” Nat said and quickly left the room.  Loki looked at Wanda and said, “Please keep watching her. I know you haven’t been able to connect to her but at least we will know what she is dealing with.”

                                                   -Y/N’s Mind-

This doesn’t feel right. Something is just off about this hospital, these people. After initially waking up and everyone fluttering around my room to check vitals and ask me 800 questions that I couldn’t answer, they finally left me alone to rest with the promise of checking on me throughout the night to wake me up and see if I remembered anything. The woman- my mom I had been told- was sleeping on a cot in the corner of the room lightly snoring. I had asked her what had happened and the story was that I had been at the beach with my family when a wave had caused me to hit my head on a rock under the surface. I had nearly drowned but my best friend, Paul, had been right there and dragged me back to shore. That was 4 months ago and I had been unconscious ever since. She had spent a couple hours telling me all about our life as I grew up. I was an only child and we had traveled all over the world throughout the years. Because of moving around and experiencing so many different places, I knew 15 different languages by the time I was 18. We had recently moved here to California and bought a house close to my grandparents. She was going to call them and tell them I could have visitors in a few days when my memories started catching up with me but was going to call Paul and have him come tomorrow and see if it would hopefully jog my memory. A nurse came in very early and quietly woke my mother, “Ma’am, we called the friend you asked us to have come in. Mr Nelson? He’s here.” My mother got up and went with the nurse. I hadn’t slept at all and was very tired but that name sent a jolt straight through me. I knew he had to be behind this somehow. I looked around for some kind of weapon I could use when he came into the room. There was nothing but the dull butter knife from my dinner that was still untouched from the night before by my bed. I grabbed it a slid it between the bed and my thigh then, I waited. The door opened and I heard my mother’s cheerful voice, “Oh, Paul, she is going to be thrilled to see you. Well, she may actually not remember you yet. We have been waiting on her memories to come back but so far nothing has.” A chuckle and a chilling voice that sent shivers down my spine and raised the hairs on my neck replied, “No worries at all. I have talked this girl through so many breakups, I’m sure I can talk her out of amnesia.”

As they came through the door, my entire body tensed as I locked eyes with Nelson. It was definitely him but he looked different. Casual and relaxed with almost friendly eyes. “(Y/n)! I am so happy to see you conscious! You gave me quiet the scare.” he made his way towards me and my mother backed out of the room with “I’ll give you two some time to talk.” and a hopeful smile. As soon as she shut the door, I had him pinned against the wall with the knife to his throat. “What is this, Nelson?!” The look of fear in his eyes made me hesitate and he pushed me off of him. “(Y/n), what are you doing? We have been friends for years. Wait, you remember me? But, since when do you call me Nelson?” I slowly backed up until my legs hit the bed and I sat down. A nurse came in to check on the commotion I had caused and Nelson - Paul? - told her we were fine. Satisfied, she nodded and closed the door behind her as she left. “Stop playing games. I know what this is, Nelson. Let me go.” I watched his face carefully but showed no signs of knowing what I was talking about. He gave me a concerned look and slowly made his way to the chair by my bed with his hands raised to show he wasn’t a threat. “(Y/n), I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Do you want me to get the nurse for you?” I rolled my eyes at his concern. Being trapped and the constant lack of answers were starting to fill me with a frustration that would typically have the room trembling around me but nothing was shaking except for my hands. As I clenched and unclenched my fists and took a few deep breaths to try and steady myself, I caught a glimpse of Nelsons face. It still had the mock concern plastered on like a mask but his eyes had a glint of amusement. He found my frustration and suffering amusing. The frustration bubbled over and I lunged for him, bringing both him and the chair to the ground. 

                                                 -The Compound-

  The compound shook violently as Loki used his body to shield my still unconscious form from the ceiling tiles and dust that was falling. “Why is this happening? Wanda, what is going on in there?” Tony asked as he came through the door followed by Nat, Steve and Bucky. Wanda explained the scene to them, “Nelson is in there with her under the pretense that he is her best friend. She’s on to him and just took him down but now they are fighting. She doesn’t have her powers in there so she’s struggling. Nurses and doctors are starting to come in to restrain her but she’s fighting them too.” The shaking stopped suddenly and Wanda gasped. When she didn’t say anything to explain the sudden calm, Loki inquired anxiously, “What happened? Is she ok?” Wanda nodded but was still watching the scene unfold in my mind. “They started it over. She’s waking up in a strange hospital again but it looks slightly different than the first one. It is exactly the same situation. They are telling her she has been in a coma for months and that she is finally waking up for the first time. Now she’s seen the tv showing you guys in New York again and she looks even more confused.” Everyone rushed around to clean up the area and Tony said “Loki, I set up space for her downstairs to keep anything like this contained and to keep her safe should Hydra try and take her. You and Wanda take her down there and watch over her while the rest of us clean this up.” Loki gently lifted me and he and Wanda headed towards what had once been my holding cell before the team decided they could trust me. 

“We need to bring Wanda back up here.” Nat said to Steve. They had just brought in Nelson. Bruce had figured out that Nelson had a device in his temporal lobe as well that was linked to the device in mine and had been able to track him using that connection. He had been unconscious when they had found him, likely because he was inside the fake reality with me and she knew that Wanda was the only one who may be able to get the information we needed about how to save me.

[bnhaisliterallymylife]

Take a Chance on Us (Pt. 2)

I honestly have no idea how long this will be, but considering it’ll be going through some high school and then adulthood, it might be long. Might get smutty later (much later, adult years later), which is why I have to say this fic is 18+. Like everything else on my blog, actually.

Paring: Young Yandere!Erasermic x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Depression, Some Coercion, Cursing

Word Count: 2,609

(Part One)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And you came to see me to thank me? I thought you would’ve been mad.” He looked kind of mad to you yesterday. Why the sudden change?

“You healed him, and you thought he would be mad?”

“That’s idiotic.”

“Shou, be nice!”

You didn’t quite understand how this was happening right now. You did one good deed, granted it was more of an urge due to your quirk that you can’t resist, but still a good deed. The way he had glared at you made you think that he was never going to want to see you again. He shouldn’t be here, much less with his friend. 

“Are you okay?” You snap out of your temporary daze when Hizashi waves his hand in front of your face.

“I’m fine, just processing.” You laugh nervously.

“Processing?” The blonde quirks a brow.

“Uh, yeah. Processing.” The silence that follows makes you wish that you had never been born. “I should probably be headed inside, it’s pretty chilly for this time of the year and I’d hate to catch a-” Before you can finish that thought, you feel something being draped over your shoulders. A black, leather jacket. 

“There! No more worrying!” Now it’s like you can’t help but smile yourself; Hizashi’s grin is contagious. “I also wanted to thank you myself, he gets himself in a lot of trouble when I’m not around. S’nice to know someone else cares.”

“It was more of a compulsion than anything.” You try to blow it off as nothing, like it didn’t matter, but they clearly didn’t think that.

“You could have kept walking.” Shouta states matter-of-factly. “But you didn’t.” 

“Well I... I just don’t like seeing other people in pain.” Your eyes are on the ground as you say this, as if it was a bad thing for you to admit. You didn’t expect the boisterous laughter to come out of the lively boy sitting to your left.

“And you think that’s a bad thing!?” He asks, dipping his head down so he can look into your eyes. His shades are dipping down onto his nose a little bit. He has to have some of the prettiest, brightest green eyes you have ever seen in your life. And his face it too close. 

Finally, you decide to move away from the two teens and start gathering your things. 

“No, not bad, it’s just that not everyone appreciates it. I gotta go, but thanks for taking the time to thank me! It was nice.” You don’t need someone to see you with them and further the rumors that were already spreading about you. They’re nice boys, and it feels great to have people to talk to after being alone for so long, but you can’t do this. You can’t risk things becoming worse. You reach for your bag, only for one strong hand to grasp at your wrist.

“Wait.” You stop at Shouta’s command, now gazing into his seemingly endless eyes. He has such an intense stare, so intimidating to you that you can’t help but relinquish to his request. “Have lunch with us tomorrow.” 

“What?” He wants you to join them for lunch?

“Yeah, that sounds like a great idea! It’s gotta be lonely sitting out here to eat.” They weren’t wrong, it did get lonely for you. “And besides, I can make a mean sandwich!”

“He does.” 

You don’t know what to think about this. One the one hand, it’s nice to have people who actually want to spend time with you again. On the other hand, you know those rumors are going to ramp up and things might only get worse for you...

“Okay.” You agree with a tiny smile. “But you don’t have to make me anything, I make my own lunches.”

“Nah, it’s not a problem and I wanna give ya a real thank you for helping out my boyfriend.” Boyfriend. 

“You’re together?” The words come out before you can stop them, and suddenly you feel incredibly rude. The might have just invited you to have lunch with them, but that didn’t mean you could invade on their personal lives. “I’m sorry, that was really rude and I didn’t mean-”

“You aren’t being rude.” Shouta rolls his eyes. “You’re just being curious.”

“And yes, we’re happily together~!” Hizashi sings out the last part, leaning against his boyfriend with one arm draped around his shoulders. “So no need to feel like you were pestering us!” Well, that makes you feel a little better.

“Okay, if you say so.” You glance at the time again, realizing that you actually do need to get going. “I’ll see you both tomorrow, then!” You give them another small smile before rushing off to your next class, now feeling some anticipation for the next day. 

The two boys behind you watch you run off in a hurry silently, waiting until you’re clear out of earshot before they start talking.

“She’s a nervous thing, huh?”

“Yeah. Too trusting, too.” Shouta doesn’t like that. People who put too much trust in others get hurt, or worse. His mind flashes briefly to Shirakumo, but he shoves those memories back. It’s too fresh. Almost as if Hizashi could sense what his boyfriend was feeling, he brings up a hand to brush through his long hair and presses a soft kiss to his cheek.

“It’s alright. She’s in general studies, it won’t be like that.”

“Still.” The concern is there, and both of them had a right to be concerned. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You honestly didn’t think they were too serious about the lunch, or maybe you thought that they would change their minds by the time today rolled around. But, when you see Hizashi excitedly waving his hand at your through the crowded hallways the next day, you knew that there was going to be now way out of it now. 

Fuck.

“Heya (Y/L/N)!” He pushes through a group of first year boys, all of which were now staring at you with piercing gazes. This is the opposite of what you had wanted.

“Hey, Yamada.” Just keep it casual. “Are we still doing lunch today?”

“Uh huh! I made something real special for our little rendezvous.” There are a few more looks cast your way, making your face burn.

“Can we maybe not call it that?”

“Call it what? A rendezvous?” He cocks his head a little to the right, sunglasses tipping down on his nose. “That’s kinda what it is, right?” Well, he’s not really wrong, but it might give others different ideas.

“Yeah, it’s just a, ah… Casual lunch between school peers?”

“Casual lunch between school peers?” When he repeats it, you insistently nod your head. What you don’t expect is the big smile and laughter that he’s clearly trying to hold back. “Okay then, if you say so.” The playful twinkle in his eyes doesn’t make your situation much better.

“Great. So, see you later?”

“Yep! Later!” With that, you go your separate ways, hoping to avoid another encounter for the rest of the school day. All you have to do is make it through lunch today, and that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Unfortunately for you, the boys who took notice of what happened in the hallway spread things around. You might not be in the same class as your bully, but you know that by the time the end of the day rolls around she’s going to know about it. The rumors didn’t have anything to them before, but now that you actually have two third years seemingly interested in you, even if they were already with each other, your reputation would be entirely ruined. So, you trudge around for the rest of the morning, avoiding the whispers and curious stares of your classmates until it was finally time for lunch.

You had entirely forgotten to ask them where you were supposed to meet them for this ‘Casual Lunch Between School Peers’. You assume that they would likely want to meet up in the cafeteria and eat there, but the thought of all of the students in your class seeing you with them makes your stomach twist and turn. Did you really need to make matters worse than they already were? Your hands fist up at the bottom of your skirt. All you can do now is stand in the now empty classroom, listening the laughter of your peers just outside. They are all so happy, carefree, acting like they don’t torment you on a near daily basis.

You have to take a deep breath to compose yourself. Not right now. If you allowed yourself to drown in those negative thoughts, then you would be stuck in the classroom all day. So after composing yourself, you start to walk out of the classroom with the intention of getting this whole fiasco over with, when a voice startles you out of your thoughts.

“What took so long?” Shouta is leaning against the door to your right, arms crossed, and a brow raised at you. “It’s been five minutes; I was about to come in after you.”

“I’m sorry! I was working on a project and I must have been too in my head, I lost track of time.” It’s an obvious lie, but you do your best to play it off like you’re telling the trust. His eyes narrow, but thankfully he doesn’t question it any further.

“Come on, we don’t have all day.” Shouta pushes off from the wall and starts to walk off, prompting you to follow after him. Since you waited in the classroom, you thankfully don’t have to deal with the prying eyes of everyone else. It almost makes you breathe a sigh of relief.

“Is Yamada already in the lunchroom?”

“We’re not eating in the lunchroom.” You could almost cry at your luck. “We’re eating outside where we found you yesterday. Would you rather eat in the lunchroom?” You shake your head, and he leaves it at that. He’s a lot less pushy than Hizashi had been with you earlier in the morning, the two clearly have differing personalities.

“If it’s okay to ask, how did you and Yamada up together?” You may as well get to know them if you’re going to be having lunch with them. And besides, Shouta seems like the type to get to the point.

“It just happened.” He shrugs, giving you such a vague answer that it’s impossible for you to form a picture of their relationship in your mind. Shouta seems to have the ‘tough guy’ exterior, whereas Hizashi seems to wear his emotions on his sleeve. They say opposites attract, so you guess that could be what happened in their case.

“When did it happen?” You don’t mean to be pushy… Well, you do actually. If they were going to make you have lunch with them, then you could at least have this.

“Last summer.”

“Did he ask you out?”

“No.”

“So, you did?”

“Yes.” You didn’t think he would be the one to approach with his feelings, but it shows that you might have been right about one thing; his interior is softer than his exterior.

“Why did you ask him out?”

“Because I wanted to. Are we done playing twenty questions?”

“Maybe, we’ll see.” You give him a little grin, and are surprised when the boy actually gives you something resembling a smile as well.

“You’re strange.”

“And yet you suggested all of us having lunch together.”

“I’m not regretting it yet.” You wouldn’t say it out loud, but those words kind of made your heart flutter. Not in a romantic way, but platonically. When is the last time you were able to quip back and forth with a friend? When was the last time you felt this kind of joy with another person around your age? The feeling felt so foreign to you.

“I was startin’ to think you two weren’t coming!” Hizashi’s voice calls out as you two approach. You see the three little bentos sitting next to him, wondering what he made. He doesn’t seem to want to leave you in suspense, because the moment you sit down he hands you the one that he tied up in a pretty, two-inch wide blue bow.

“Do you always make it look so nice?”

“Only when I wanna.” He watches you intently, waiting for you to open the box. Shouta is already digging into his, but the blonde just sits and waits until you tug on the ribbon so you can remove the lid. The contents of the bento were… Adorable.

First of all, the onigiri were downright cute in your eyes. He went out of his way to make the little white triangles have cute, blushy faces that actually resemble the two boys she’s now sitting between. Granted, he arranged the blonde hair for himself out of carrots, and Shouta’s hair out of seaweed, so it wasn’t exactly accurate. Between the two of them was a little heart made of tamagoyaki, all sitting on top of a bed of a broccoli, noodles, and karaage chicken.

“How long did this take to make?”

“Does it matter?”

“Well, I mean, this feels like a lot.”

“You healed up my man, I figured you deserved a lot for that.” When you look at him he is happily eating his own lunch, seeming very satisfied with himself. That is, until he notices your stare and his smile fades just a little. “You don’t like it?”

“No, I like it, it’s just that I’m not very used to this kind of thing.” You don’t want Hizashi to think you’re ungrateful.

“Why not? Don’t your friends do things like this for you?”

“Well…” You trail off, picking around at the food.

“Well? Don’t hesitate, just answer.” Shouta scolds, both of their piercing gazes now on you.

“I… I don’t really have friends. I mean, nobody really ever talks to me.” You don’t want to elaborate any further on it, they don’t need to get involved in your business. Besides, it might only make things worse.

“Why? You’re such a nice girl, I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t like ya.”

“You’re not that strange.” They both seem to be leaning in now, pushing the answers out of you.

“It’s not that I’m strange, I just made an enemy of the wrong person I guess. But it’s okay, I don’t mind being alone.” That’s a complete and total lie, and it shows.

The two boys both seem to fall silent at that comment, but they were thinking the same thing; they don’t want you to feel alone. You were kind when you didn’t have to be, you helped Shouta and then acted like there was nothing to thank you for. You, this sweet person, somehow made an enemy with someone that prevented you from having friends? That doesn’t sit well with either of them. Hizashi feels even more concerned about you then he did before, meanwhile Shouta was mentally making a reminder to find the person making life harder on you later on.

“You know, if ya don’t wanna be alone, we’re here.”

“He has a point.” Their words fill you with some hope, but you knew that it wouldn’t last. Even if you do become friends with them, they’re going to graduate soon. After that, you’ll just be left alone again, and with the same cruel students that are giving you hell right now.

“You don’t have to.” You tell them this, acting like you’re some kind of nuisance.

“We’re aware.” Shouta says.

“We don’t have to, but we want to! That’s what good friends are for, right?”

[andromeda3116]

so like i said i would do no more explaining but i was kinda jokey with that post when actually no i legit did put thought and purpose into this kanej playlist, so here’s a breakdown of the songs on it and which lyric(s)/to whom it applies. some of them, again, are more about the general vibe, but mostly there’s like. an actual reason i picked these songs.

kaz.

o. (not on spotify) the sewers belch me up, the heavens spit me out, from ethers tragic i am born again. [...] is it bright where you are? have the people changed? does it make you happy you're so strange? and in your darkest hour, i hold secrets' flame. you can watch the world devoured in its pain. --the end is the beginning is the end

i. god money, i’ll do anything for you. god money, just tell me what you want me to. god money, nail me up against the wall. god money, don't want everything, he wants it all. no, you can’t take it, no you can't take it, no, you can’t take that away from me. head like a hole, black as your soul, i'd rather die than give you control. bow down before the one you serve, you’re going to get what you deserve.

ii. there’s a shadow just behind me, shrouding every step i take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me. [...] i am just a worthless liar, i am just an imbecile. i will only complicate you. trust in me and fall as well. [...] why can we not be sober, i just want to start this over.

iii. i’d walk to you through rings of fire, and never let you know the way i feel. under skin is where i hide the love that always gets me on my knees. [...] i want it now, i want it now. don’t tell me that my ship is coming in. --nothing lasts forever

iv. one: take control of me, you’re messing with the enemy. said it’s two: it’s another trick, you’re messing with my mind. [...] there it goes again, take me to the edge again. all i got is a dirty trick, i’m chasing down the wolves to save you. i tell you i want you, i tell you i need you. the blood on my face, i just wanted you near me. --club foot

v. don’t waste your touch, you won’t feel anything. or were you sent to save me? i’ve thought too much, you won’t find anything worthy of redeeming. [...] reach out and you may take my heart away. --the leaving song, part two

vi. while i waited, i was wasting away, hope was wasting away, faith was wasting away, i was wasting away. [...] inside a crumbling effigy, but you promised. so dies all innocence, but you promised me. --the great disappointment

vii. welcome to the end of eras, ice has melted back to life, done my time and served my sentence, dress me up and watch me die. if it feels good, tastes good, it must be mine. dynasty decapitated, you just might see a ghost tonight. [...] the crown. so close i could taste it, i see what’s mine and take it. --the emperor’s new clothes

viii. all my friends were glorious, tonight we are victorious. [...] i’m a killing spree in white, eyes like broken christmas lights. my touch is black and poisonous. [...] throw the bait, catch the shark, bleed the water red. fifty words for murder, and i’m every one of them.

ix. just like romantic verses, just like a joyous end, just like a memory, it twists me. you land as lightly as the new snow onto the melting boy. you land as gently, you’re so cinematic, bathed in your radiance, i melt. --this celluloid dream

x. i’ll describe the way i feel: weeping wounds that never heal. can this savior be for real, or are you just my seventh seal? no hesitation, no delay, you come on just like special k, now you’re back, the dope demand, i’m on sinking sand. [...] i’ll describe the way i feel: you’re my new achilles heel.

xi. i choose to live and to grow, take and give and to move, learn and love and to cry, kill and die and to be paranoid and to lie, hate and fear and to do what it takes to move through. i choose to live and to lie, kill and give and to die, learn and love and to do what it takes to step through. [...] i’ve been crawling on my belly, clearing out what could have been. --forty-six and two

xii. do you listen to yourself? never live for someone else. do you like the way you feel? nothing hurts when no one’s real. [...] i wanna bullet-proof your soul, would you like to lose control? i won’t let you fall until you tell me so. [...] should have listened when you called my name.

xiii. you have forsaken all the love you’ve taken, sleeping on a razor, there’s nowhere left to fall. your body’s aching, every bone is breaking, nothing seems to shake it, it just keeps holding on. [...] i thread the needle through, you beat the devil’s tattoo.

xiv. i’m insane, but on my toes. i can keep the world balanced on my nose. i had a slumber party with all my foes, now i wear ‘em like a badge of honor on my clothes. if i’m crazy, i’m on my own. if i’m waiting, it’s on my throne. [...] can’t stop me now, i said i got you now. i’m right here at your door, i won’t leave, i want more. --what’s up, danger?

xv. the world is a vampire sent to drain, secret destroyers hold you up to the flames. and what do i get for my pain? betrayed desires and a piece of the game. [...] despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage. --bullet with butterfly wings

xvi. can’t you see i’m sorry? i will make it worth your while. i’m made of dead men’s money, you can see it in my smile. oh, lazarus, how did your debt get paid? [...] when the fires, when the fires are consuming you, and your sacred stars won’t be guiding you, i’ve got blood, i’ve got blood on my name.

xvii. “oh don’t talk of love,” the shadows purr, murmuring me away from you. “don’t talk of worlds that never were, the end is all that’s ever true.” [...] every night i burn, every night i scream your name.

xviii. my heart’s a tart, your body’s rent, my body’s broken, yours is bent. carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed, i lie here charmed. [...] like the naked leads the blind, i know i’m selfish, i’m unkind. sucker love, i always find someone to bruise and leave behind. --every you, every me

xix. it don’t matter, i won’t do what you say. you’ve got the money and the power, i won’t go your way. i can’t take for the people, they don’t matter at all. i’ll be waiting in the shadows, until the day that you fall. [...] kill me if you dare, hold my head up everywhere. --underdog

.

inej.

i. i’m a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm, and the scars that mark my body, they’re silver and gold. my blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones, it keeps my veins hot, the fire’s found a home in me. [...] and i’m locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me. i’m done with it, oh, this is the start of how it all ends. --yellow flicker beat

ii. just how deep do you believe? will you bite the hand that feeds? will you chew until it bleeds? can you get up off your knees? are you brave enough to see? do you wanna change it?

iii. i know it’s a lie, i want it to be true. the rest of the ride is riding on you. [...] wishing you could keep me closer, i’m a lazy dancer, when you move i move with you. --collect call

iv. don’t look ahead, there’s stormy weather, another roadblock in our way. but if we go, we go together, our hands are tied here if we stay. oh, we said our dreams would carry us and if they don’t fly, we will run. now we push right past to find out how to win what they all lost. oh, we know that we want more, oh, the life we’re fighting for. [...] there are no rules that we can’t break. --disparate youth

v. as i move my feet towards your body, i can hear this beat, it fills my head up and gets louder and louder. i run to the river and dive straight in. i pray that the water will drown out the din. [...] there’s a drumming noise inside my head and it starts when you’re around. --drumming song

vi. shoot me down, but i get up. i’m bulletproof, nothing to lose. fire away, fire away. ricochet, you take your aim. fire away, fire away. shoot me down, but i won’t fall, i am titanium.

vii. you’ve been walking, you’ve been hiding, and you look half-dead half the time. monitoring you, like machines do, you’ve still got it, i’m just keeping an eye. you say too late to start, with your heart in a headlock. i don’t believe any of it.

viii. i’m in need of a savior, but i’m not asking for favors. my whole life i’ve felt like a burden, i think too much and i hate it. i’m so used to being in the wrong, i’m tired of caring. loving never gave me a home, so i’ll sit here in the silence. i found peace in your violence, can’t tell me there’s no point in trying. i’m at one, and i’ve been quiet for too long.

ix. i am running, i will meet you halfway. when i get there, will you be waiting for me? and i’m scared that you don’t feel the same. and after all, just how much can i take? heaven help me, i think i’m in love, i’m all in love with you. ‘cause i can’t help myself, i’m falling down, i’m falling hard for you.

x. i never promised you an open heart or charity, i never wanted to abuse your imagination. i come with knives, i come with knives and agony to love you.

xi. stooped down and out, you got me beggin’ for thread to sew this hole up that you ripped it my head. stupidly think you had it under control. strapped down to something you don’t understand, don’t know what you were getting yourself into. you should have known, secretly i think you knew.

xii. go row the boat to safer grounds, but don’t you know? we’re stronger now. my heart still beats, and my skin still feels. my lungs still breathe, my mind still fears. but we’re running out of time, all the echoes in my mind cry. there’s blood on your lies, the scars open wide. there is nowhere for you to hide, the hunter’s moon is shining. i’m running with the wolves tonight.

xiii. a falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. i screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it’s left me blind. the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out, you’ve left me in the dark. no dawn, no day, i’m always in this twilight, in the shadow of your heart. [...] i took the stars from my eyes and then i made a map, i knew that somehow i could find the way back. then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness, too. so i stayed in the darkness with you. --cosmic love

.

both/and.

i. shed a tear for each soul set free, but that’s what happens when you dance with me. pity the man who stands in my way, i’m a nightmare even in the day. i’d be wise with which words you say, ‘cause they could be the last breath you take. [...] call me a criminal, maybe, baby, i’m an outlaw. you know, i ain’t evil but i ain’t a saint.

ii. it’s my own design, it’s my own remorse. help me to decide. help me make the most of freedom, and of pleasure. nothing ever lasts forever. everybody wants to rule the world. there’s a room where the light won’t find you, holding hands while the walls come tumbling down. when they do i’ll be right behind you.

iii. i know you’ve suffered, but i don’t want you to hide. [...] i want to reconcile the violence in your heart, i want to recognize your beauty’s not just a mask. i want to exorcise the demons from your past. i want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart.

iv. you mean that much to me and it’s hard to show. gets hectic inside of me when you go. can i confess these things to you? well, i don’t know. embedded in my chest and it hurts to hold. i couldn’t spill my heart, my eyes gleam looking in from the dark. i walk out in stormy weather, hold my words, keep us together. steady walking but bound to trip, should release but just tighten my grip. night time, sympathize, i’ve been working on white lies. so i’ll tell the truth.

v. i, i came here in day, but i left here in darkness and found you, found you on the way. [...] your sins into me, oh my beautiful one. --silver and cold

vi. you wanna make me bad, make me bad. you wanna pay me back, pay me back. baby, it’s violence, violence. [...] but i like it like that.

vii. hey, baby, can you bleed like me? oh, come on baby, can you bleed like me? you should see my scars.

viii. i’m giving you a night call, to tell you how i feel. i’m gonna show you where it’s dark but have no fear. [...] there’s something inside you, it’s hard to explain. they’re talking about you, boy, but you’re still the same.

ix. you don’t wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. unaware that i’m tearing you asunder, and there’s a thunder in our hearts, baby. so much hate for the ones we love, tell me we both matter, don’t we? [...] come on baby, come on, come on darling, let me steal this moment from you now. --running up that hill

x. feel my heart burning, deep inside, yearning. i know it is coming. a fettered heart, waking. tainted youth, fading. leave it all behind. delirious again, mesmerize my senses, souls entwine one more time.

xi. there is love in your body but you can’t get it out, it gets stuck in your head, won’t come out of your mouth. sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face, that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste. darling heart, i loved you from the start, but you'll never know what a fool i have been. darling heart, i loved you from the start, but that’s no excuse for the state i am in. --hardest of hearts

xii. it’s fire, it’s freedom, it’s flooding open. it’s the preacher and the pulpit and your blind devotion. there’s something breaking at the brick of every wall, it’s holding all that you know. so tell me do you wanna go? where it’s covered in all the colored lights, where the runaways are running the nights. impossible comes true, it’s taking over you. [...] where the lost get found and we crown ‘em the circus king. --the greatest show

xiii. but if you’re troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things they did. they said now, teenagers scare the living shit out of me. they could care less, as long as someone will bleed. so darken your clothes and strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone, but not me. 

xiv. we are ready for the siege, we are armed up to the teeth. be careful how you live and breathe, release what’s broken underneath. how many times do you wanna die? how many ways do you wanna die? [...] you used to do a little but a little won’t fly, right before you hit your prime. that’s where we fell in love but not the first time. --the royal we

xv. and how can we win, when fools can be kings? don’t waste your time, or time will waste you. no one’s gonna take me alive. the time has come to make things right. you and i must fight for our rights, you and i must fight to survive. --knights of cydonia

xvi. look at me go, look at me high and low, look at me picking myself back up from the underground. i’ve died a few times before, i know what it’s like when i can’t see the light, i find a light of my own. [...] we were born alone, and we die alone. what a way to go, now i’m on my own. but i’m not sorry, no.

xvii. broken people, hollow and feeble, they’re rolling, rolling up the hill. [...] breaking in, in, in my eyes, i can’t see like this. i can’t let go, please help me down, i can’t be like this. --sweet

xviii. prey on the powerful, masters of the game, we run with wolves in the shadows, we chase ‘em down ‘til we’re face to face. [...] it’s in our blood, in our blood, in our veins. this is the world we made.

xix. and our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same. the more you change the less you feel. believe, believe in me. believe, believe that life can change, that you’re not stuck in vain. we’re not the same, we’re different tonight. [...] we’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight. we’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight, the indescribable moments of your life, tonight. the impossible is possible tonight. believe in me as i believe in you, tonight.