#so I suppose having 20~ now is reasonable given that I sorta started more with like. 10 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

junko-and-riri-domain · 3 years

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five hearts on the line | pjs

i know that i said last chapter that this one wouldn’t be as angsty but then i started writing and it sorta just happened? so there’s some angst in this one (forgive me again my loves 🥺)

Hope was never a plan, only a direction. After all, you could hope for money and with that hope make a plan to get it. Or you could hope for your parent’s approval but actually getting it was a different process for everyone. Jay had hoped for a future with you and Ni-ki, he really did. It was the direction he saw the rest of his life going towards, you and him as the parents of three boys. He knew it was foolish of him to hope of such things when so much chaos had happened and it was still too early since you never actually put a label on the relationship, hence, why he was going to ask the “what are we?” question that night.

17 days, 20 hours, and 30 minutes was how long it had been since you last saw each other face to face. But who was counting? At this point, he was entering himself into self-given heartbreak and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The scent of your shampoo still lingered on the fibers of his pillowcase but he couldn’t bring himself to wash it away. When he closed his eyes he could still feel your head resting on his chest and your fingers trailing random patterns on his arms. Some days it seemed like he could still hear Ni-ki’s giggles mixed in with Sunoo and Jungwon’s. The boys were doing ok, they still talked to each other at school, and Jay would bring them to the bakery if they wanted something. But he no longer went inside. He’d tell his boys that he needed to take a call or send a quick email and instead would wait for them in the car but really, he was just too scared to see you because he knew that the second he saw you he’d fall back in love all over again. Or maybe that love never left and he’d instead be forced to acknowledge its existence. The door to his office opening brings Jay out of his thoughts, sounds of excitement from his sons greeting his ears.

“Thanks, man,” he said to Jake with a small smile. This situation felt familiar to him and it didn’t take long for him to realize that it was because the first time he heard about you was when Jake brought the boys to his office and you defended him against Minjoo’s grandmother.

“Can we sleepover at Ni-ki dongsaeng’s place tomorrow?” Jungwon asked. Tomorrow was Saturday meaning that he’d drop off the boys Saturday morning, see you, leave, pick up the boys Sunday morning, see you, and leave again.

“I’ll text his mom tonight.”

Later that night after the boys were put to bed and he was laying in his, he found himself constantly typing and deleting what he had initially written out. To his surprise, you had texted him first with a simple “hey” to which he responded the same. While sorting out the details of tomorrow, Jay couldn’t help the slight happiness filling him now having a reason to talk to you again.

You couldn’t really place a name on the feelings coursing through your veins when you woke up on Saturday morning. Nerves, slight anxiousness, maybe even fear? While you were glad to be able to spend time with Sunoo and Jungwon, seeing Jay was a different story. The thought of seeing him again left you restless which led to constantly tossing and turning in bed, ultimately resulting in a sleepless night. When the morning came, you heard a knock on your door and upon opening it the boys greeted you before quickly rushing to Ni-ki’s room, leaving you alone with Jay. He looked like a mess, hair slightly messy, eyes somewhat bloodshot red, and lips chapped dry. You probably didn’t look any better either.

“Are you ok?” Upon saying it you realized what a dumb question it was. Only a little over two weeks had passed and two weeks wasn’t nearly enough to get over what happened. But if you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t sure if you’d ever get over it.

“Still processing, you?” Jay replied.

“Yeah, same here.” There was a sort of longing look in Jay’s eyes. That kind that told you he felt as if he wanted to say something but chose not to.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” was all his reply before leaving.

Spending the day with three boys like Sunoo, Jungwon, and Ni-ki meant that they were eager to do whatever it was that you had planned for them. You had decided to try out new cake recipes and in the process using them as your little helpers and taste testers. While it did result in the boys getting cake mix all over their clothes and a little on their faces, their smiles of happiness and giggles of joy were well worth the cleanup after. When night came and you were tucking the boys into bed, you felt a hand grab yours. Seeing that it was Sunoo’s, you smiled,

“What’s up, bubs?”

“I don’t want Appa to pick us up tomorrow, I wanna stay with Eomma.”

“Eomma?” you asked. He nodded with a pout,

“Minjoo said that living together makes you a family and we lived together which makes you our Eomma, not our Noona! But because you and Ni-ki left he said you and Appa got divorced and you chose Ni-ki instead of me and Jungwon.” Tears started to fall from Sunoo’s eyes as he continued, “Wae, Eomma? Can’t you keep me and Jungwon-ah too?”

“Sunoo, I…” what were you even supposed to tell him? This was a conversation you shouldn’t be having with just the boys alone, after all, Jay needed to be here since they were his boys. Jungwon ended up waking up and crying too at the sight of his hyung crying which led to a confused Ni-ki. As you hugged the boys and rubbed their backs, your ears were met with blubbers of “Eomma” and “Eomma stay.” You didn’t know how long it took for them to calm down and finally head to sleep but once they did, you knew that you needed to talk to Jay now. Your hand trembled a little when holding your phone but as you heard Jay’s voice, you felt somewhat calmed.

“Everything ok?” he asked, sounding like he had just woken up. Letting out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding,

“Can you come over?” Hearing some shuffling from his side of the line,

“I’m on my way.”

When Jay got to your apartment it was nearing midnight. Without thinking, your hand took his and you led him to your room so that the boys wouldn’t wake up. Looking up at him,

“We need to talk.” He brought a hand up and rubbed the back of his neck nervously,

“I figured.”

“Sunoo and Jungwon called me eomma.” Jay’s eyes went wide,

“They what?”

“Minjoo, remember the kid with the nosey grandma?” you looked at him and saw him nod then continued, “He told the boys that living together makes you a family. Since me and Ni-ki lived with you guys that led them to the conclusion that I shouldn’t be called Noona, I’m their Eomma. Because Ni-ki and I don’t live with you anymore they thought we got divorced and that I chose Ni-ki over them. Jay, what do we do?” Silence washed over the room as Jay furrowed his eyebrows until finally,

“I lied,” Jay said. Looking at him confused you wanted to ask what had he lied about but he continued, “the night that your mom called. I lied and I’ve been regretting it ever since,” he finished. You racked your mind trying to remember what went on before your mom called and then you remembered. It was the conversation you two had about “like-liking” each other. He had lied then?

“W-what?” you can’t stop the stutter that escapes you as your mind tries to process that Jay lied to you.

“I lied.”

“That night, you asked me if I like-like you and I said yes. But I didn’t because what is this, high school?”

“Oh.” It came out just barely above a whisper out of millions of words to exist in the world, “oh” was the only thing you could bring yourself to say.

Was it a lie every time he called you love?

Was it a lie whenever he’d hold your hand and give it a reassuring squeeze?

Was it a lie the nights he’d run his hands through your hair and talk about how happy he was you were with him?

Had you been led on this entire time?

Then you couldn’t but think that maybe it was karma.

You didn’t think about how Sunoo and Jungwon would be affected with your presence there only for it to be gone after a few weeks.

You didn’t think about how to explain to Ni-ki the whole situation with K and instead downplayed it.

You didn’t think at all because you were too damn caught up in feeling.

Maybe it was your fault for hoping.

Jay’s next words are enough to get you out of your thoughts and back to reality. As they make themselves known to your ears, your eyes are near to tears.

“I lied because how the hell was I supposed to tell you that I love you?”

“Jay, you can’t be serious? Y-you can’t just love me!”

“I didn’t,” he sighed and brought his hand up to rub his forehead, “I didn’t say it just to hear it back from you. But we both know there’s no damn way we’ll ever go back to being normal or just friends because we never were in the first place.” Jay was right and you knew it. If anything you wanted to laugh a little at how foolish it was for the two of you to just somehow develop feelings so early on after meeting each other. Though neither of you had actually said the l-word out loud until Jay did just now, you had felt it in so many ways. It was exchanged in all the stolen glances and late-night cuddles. It was there the mornings you and Jay rushed to get the boys to school and the nights they’d plead for “just one more” bedtime story. It lingered on through the hopes you had for what one day could be your future like surprise visiting Jay’s office during lunchtime and bringing food using the excuse of, “I tried some new recipes and wanted you to taste it before I sold it,” or even one day having the privilege of being called Sunoo and Jungwon’s mom. But those were fleeting moments and hope wasn’t a plan, it was merely a direction.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” you muttered.

“Give us a chance.”

“What happens if we break up, Jay? What happens if Won and Sunoo want to stop by the bakery for some cupcakes but they can’t because you and I can no longer face each other? What happens when it’s not just you and I heartbroken, it’s the kids too? There are five hearts on the line here.”

“And I’ll do everything in my power to protect each and every one of them.”

“What happens if you can’t?” You felt Jay hold your hand and after missing his touch for so long, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away.

“What happens when I can? What happens when this lasts just like I believe it will? What happens when,” you feel his thumb rub your ring finger and hear him take in a deep breath as he continues, “I put a ring on this hand and the two of us are facing each other at the altar? What happens when the five of us are taking trips to Brunei and Japan in the summer and all the other places we wanna explore together?” You wanted to believe Jay, wanted to one day fulfill all of the things that he talked about. But you couldn’t put this want into words and instead chose to answer him through action. Bringing a hand up to his shirt collar you pulled him closer to you and met his lips with yours. Unlike your first kiss with Jay or the brief ones you exchanged from time to time that were filled with passion, this one was filled with possessiveness. You could feel it in how his arms wrapped around you, holding you close to his chest as if he were scared that you’d fall into a black hole if he let go. You displayed it in how one hand of yours clung onto his shirt while the other cupped his face in hopes of keeping him here. Hope was never a plan, only a direction. But as you close your eyes breathing in Jay’s scent and reveling in the taste of him, you were desperately wishing this would be the right direction.

↬ a/n (2/2):

the end. JKJK this chapter isn’t the finale it’s the next one & i have no clue how i’m gonna wrap this story up-

❦ written by riri ( @enhykkul ) | next | series masterlist

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kusagrasskusa · 3 years

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Fell! Sans X Reader - "Boss is gonna kill me-"

Here at the Hamilcult, we support fluff fanfics in cringy fandoms that likely implement OOC cannon characters. That was sarcasm but even so, just know that this might be sorta OOC and this is fluff :3

Also, prepare for a Wattpad level written story and a shitty plot. I just got done writing a 7000 worded fanfic and frankly, I need a b r e a k.

Forgive me for I have sinned writing this

~~~~~~~

Y/N yawned, rubbing her tired eyes before laying back on her chair. She sunk deep into her warm coat, the fluffy fur on the hood making her feel more relaxed. The coat was oversized black and red with big pockets, perfect for a human in a place like Snowdin. After all, at the post near the conveniently shaped lamp, Y/N was waiting in the blistering cold. Well, the scenery looked peaceful but it definitely was snowing and the air was terribly cold. The fur on the coat rubbed against her face, making her cheeks turn red from the contrast heat of it and the cold air.

She whined and pulled the coat over her head when a few snowflakes touched her face. "Cold," she mumbled tiredly. Y/N flipped her body to the side and whined again. This time, the problem was how uncomfortable her position was. So she tossed over to the other direction and laid her head against the chair. "...the chair is uncomfortable," she tiredly whined.

"If it's that bad then just fucking leave," a rough, annoyed voice spoke. It was Sans, the slightly taller skeleton with a red sweater on and without his coat. "I want my coat back anyway. You're getting ya' human scent in it and I don't want that kinda trouble," he continued. Y/N huffed and sat up straight. She was around his size to sat the least, but a bit thinner and shorter.

"But I thought you wanted me out here," she retorted. "You clearly get lonely here after a while so I wanted to stay with you."

"Yeah, well stayin' with me hasn't brought more customers, has it?" He replied, turning his head towards the younger girl. His red eyes seethe into her soul basically, but Y/N just giggled at his serious expression. The hood covered half her face so her eyes were widen, which they usually were. It's strange because even without the hoodie, something is always covering her eyes whether it's her hair or not. And without a barber in Snowdin and hundreds of people who want to murder her for being human, Y/N hair is bound to grow out anyway.

"You're so funny sometimes Sans," she complimented with a sweet smile on her face. "You have such a cute look when you're mad...well actually, I don't think I've ever seen you not mad before. I wonder what a genuine smile would look like..." she mumbled sleepily. Sans felt his cheeks light up a bit so he turned away from her, rolling his eyes. He wasn't used to such words at all.

"Huh?–" Sans jumped as he felt the girl's arms wrap around his body softly. She had slipped her arms out of the coat for Sans to out his arms in.

"Put the coat back on. It's big enough for me to fit back here," she giggled quietly as she rested her head on Sans's shoulder. Sans felt his fa e turn red and his body tense; he growled and turn his head towards her.

"I gave the damn thing to you, so wear it properly !"

"But you're cold and you're coat can fit us both."

"I don't care!" Sans hissed back, making Y/N giggled. The two friends often had times like this; wholesome and adorable with Sans getting all flustered. Sans barely even saw her a friend as he promised he would never let anyone get too close to him so he doesn't turn soft. But Y/N's persistent and sweet personality really struck him hard. Of course, he wouldn't go as far as to crush on her, right? No, their just good friends...

Y/N' cheeks puffed out and she pouted her lip like an upset toddler. "Sans, please? Just this once?" She asked as she squeezed him into a tighter hug. Sans scoffed and shook his head.

"No! What am I, some pueny pawn? I will not sink that fucking low," Sans seethed. Y/N was silent for a few moments before simply letting go of her tight grip and going lip against Sans's back. She head remained on his shoulder and luckily his sweater cushioned the feel of his bones, making this a comfortable position.

"I like this much better," she said tiredly with a warm smile on her face. Sans was sitting on a rather large chair that he got in order to find better sleeping situations without sliding off it, but because he was sitting on the edge of the chair, Y/N could easily slide behind him. She sat on her knees that were either side of him and yet it was so comfortable for her. "You're more comfortable than a chair." Her voice got lower and softer each time he spoke but it didn't lose its sweetness once.

"Yeah, well I ain't no damn pillow Y/N. Get the hell off me... Hello?" He asked when he didn't get a response. He turned his head to face the girl and saw her completely emersed into the dream world. It's true that he couldn't see her eyes, but he still could tell. He sighed heavily and turned his head in front of him.

"Huh‐ Ah!-" Y/N shrieked as she was pushed into the freezing snow.

"Ahahaha!" Sans laughed hard as he watched Y/N freak out. "I told you I wasn't no damn pillow!" He laughed as he put his hands on his knees. Y/N whined she stood straight up and glared at him. She walked over to him with a pout on her lip and lightly punched his arm.

"Hmph!" Sans chuckled at her adorable attempt at being angry and bopper her nose rough enough to push her away a bit.

"Was that supposed to make me feel bad, human? Well lemme tell ya', that just won't do," Sans spoke as his smile grew cockier.

"I wasn't even trying to hurt you, so don't start that," Y/N retorted. Sans rolled his eyes while he kept up his cocky smile. He shrugged and pu

"Yeah, sure. You fists are as strong as a fly's. You couldn't hurt me, even if you tried," he pushed. Y/N hmphed and shook her head. She pulled her arm back and punched him right in the shoulder as hard as her tired arm could. Sans just snickered and didn't even flinch.

"Wait, was that the best you got? I heard you humans are supposed to be strong." Sans shrugged his shoulders before pulling his hands out of his pockets and stretching. "Whatever, I guess it doesn't matter all that much. If you ever did decide to attack me, it's not like you'd live long enough to be able to lay a hit on me. And anyone else down here would have no problem given all they got to some little girl."

"I'm 20."

"Doesn't matter," Sans said as he put his hands back in his pockets. Y/N sighed and shook her head.

"You know I wouldn't hurt anyone down here as much as I know you wouldn't hurt me, Sans," her soft replied. To be honest, his name being spoken so sweetly had a good ring to Sans' ears.

"Yeah, well you can't blame me for being cautious. You humans put us down here, remember? You humans murdered so many monsters for no fucking reason then trapped the rest of us down here with your strong souls as aid. Then a few fallen human children came down here and either murdered a little, a large portion, or one of us. Still, you humans seem to be naturally turned to a genocide even though you have fucking everything you can possibly want on the surface. Us monsters have nothing, not even a real sun or moon, to make us happy, so our rage is justified." Sans finished his train of thought with a scowl; he turned his head towards the snow building up on the ground and glared at it. Y/N frowned, holding her arms to her chest.

"...Hey, Sans. It stopped snowing, so we don't have to worry about a blizzard keeping us from going to Grillby's," Y/N said as she looked out of the post, finally noticing the snow had stopped falling.

"Why would I worry about a blizzard? I got a shortcut that'll get us there in no time," he smirked and looked up at her. Y/N cocked her head questioning, humming. "Just follow me, aight," he spoke as he walked behind the post. Y/N caught up with him in no time while holding the sides of the coat close to together instead of zipping it. The sleeves just hung by her sides as she still wanted Sans to wear the coat with her cuddling up behind him, mostly because she could still use the hoode that way.

As they walked up to a tree, suddenly, Sans chuckled. The next moment, they were at the doorway of Grillby's and the absorbed by heat and warm light. Y/N looked around her frantically and confused, "how did you do that?"

"Ya humans got strong souls, us monsters have magic," he explained with a cocky smile. "Now let's go sit down at the bar instead of the booth this time. That drunk bunny annoys the shit outta me," he mumbled the last part as he walked over to the bar with Y/N following.

As she passed the dogs, one of them called out, "wait, is that a human? Isn't that the one we fought before?" It was Dogamy who spoke out, then causing her husband to talk back.

"I think so, yes, the one that turned into a puppy that liked to pet other dogs!"

Y/N giggled tiredly as she sat down at the bar besides Sans, listening on their conversation a few seconds longer before returning her focus to Sans alone. "I want a burger," she mumbled.

"Aight," Sans replied. He signaled for Grillby to walk over after he finished making a drink for another customer. The being of purple fire had what looked like a jagged white frown for a mouth, and he wore a skintight black vest with a white undershirt with rolled up sleeves and black jeans as his attire. He vest was also low cut, so an outline of his chest was visible. Although he had a serious tone, he definitely seemed like he could flirt successfully to any person he wanted.

"What," Grillby's echoy voice rung. The purple fire that made up his body flickered and cracked, making Y/N smile from the satisfying sound.

"Two burgers, put it on my tab," Sans replied, leaning on the counter with a mustard bottle in his hand. Grillby wrote down his order and walked towards the kitchen door with a "fire onlt" sign on it. He walked inside the kitchen and came out with a drink; it was F/D, something Y/N typically ordered when she came to the bar. He set the drink down in front of her.

"On the house," Grillby spoke. Y/N smiled softly at him, thanking him. "Tch," he responded before tending to other costumers. Grillby didn't really like Y/N, but he appreciated the little work and silence she brought him. She only spoke when spoken to, and she didn't order things that were hella hard to make and then complain about it. Sans growled, rolling his eyes.

"Fucking simp," he hissed. Y/N tilted her head, humming.

"Hmm? Why?" Y/N asked before taking a sip if her drink.

"He's losin' money by given out free drinks. And of anyone, to you."

"Well," Y/N smirked sweetly. "I come here a lot and that attracts monsters who want to see the human. So by being tourist attraction, he makes more money," she explained. Sans scoffed, his cheeks reddening.

"Whatever." Aww, our bebe skeleboi is jealous of the big, tall, muscular fire dude! Y/N giggled, patting him on the shoulder.

"I really appreciate you bringing me here with you. When you decide to pay your tab, remind me to contribute enough money to help." Sans shrugged, smirking.

"People like you are too nice down here, really."

"It feels nice to help someone."

"It's not so nice when people try to kill you over it," Sans retorted. Y/N frowned, nodding.

"I guess I didn't grow up down here so there isn't much for me to say, but I can't help but think everyone down here is kind but hurt. I mean, there's a lot about you I noticed that aren't so...pleasant, but you managed to treat me like a person with emotions and opinions. I doubt that of hundreds, you're the only one down here like that," she explained. Sans sighed again, rubbing his eyes.

"Like I said, people like you are too nice down here." Sans finished the conversation this way and then came a long moment of silence. In that time, Grillby came over with two plates with burgers on them. He set them in front of the two.

"Here."

"Thank you, Grillby," Y/N thanked with a warm smile on her face. Grillby silently nodded at her before walking away. She grabbed the ketchup and poured some on her burger, whereas Sans barely acknowledged what was happening around him. He was getting caught up in his thoughts right now, a bit overwhelmed with them actually. Finally, he stood up and walked away from the bar, heading out the front door. Y/N hummed and took a bite of her burger, watching Sans leave.

She set her food down and ran after him, leaving the restaurant right when he did. "Is everything alright?" She asked worriedly, making Sans scowl.

"God, y'know, you gotta stop assuming something's wrong. I'm fine. And either way, I wouldn't tell you some edgy shit no one cares about," Sans replied. Y/N was silent at first, then she took off the coat she still had on. Her hair brushed over her eyes as she did that, making them impossible to see. She put the hood on top of Sans' head before wrapping her arms together coldly. "Why do you're eyes always do that?"

"Do what?" She asked.

"If they ain't covered by a hood, it's covered by your hair. If not your hair, someone's or something's blocking your face. If it's not that, then you're head it turned away from view. It's weird," Sans explained. Y/N hummed, not noticing that until now.

"Well... Do you want to see my eyes?" She asked as she brought her hands up. She was wearing one of Sans's red shirts, which sorta made this moment more cliche but who cares. Sans slowly nodded, curious. Then Y/N pushed her hair out of her face, revealing her normal looking E/C eyes. Well, aside from the kindness and care that laid within them. And it was that feature that hit Sans first.

"Woah," he mumbled, tuning his full body towards her. "That's beautiful!" Y/N giggled, making Sans' face redden. He opened his mouth to form a quick insult to her in order to make him seem like he didn't mean it, but Y/N spoke first.

"Thank you. Your eyes are very pretty as well. It has a nice color to it, too," she replied softly. Sans huffed silently, looking to the side.

"I, uh...thanks," he mumbled as he put his hand in his pockets. He sighed and put coat on right, burying his face in the hood fur. It was obvious that he was pretty flustered right now and reddened, as he did truly feel his chest warm when he was around Y/N. It was strange for him to feel this way so he typically pushed his feelings away and told himself that he was just her guardian per say. But he knew deep down in his heart it wasn't true.

"Look, I got something to say to you," Sans pushed more harshly then intended. "And I don't wanna hear any of this being told or heard by other monsters, got it? This is us and us alone, ya understand? This shit is hard to say, so..." he drifted off. The snow was started to pick up again, making the scene look more aesthetic.

Y/N nodded, listening to him closely when began talking. "This shit isn't said very often down here; no, it's not said at all actually. But you're human, and you have a different heart so..." he trailed off again, scratching the back of his head. He looked Y/N in the eyes and gave her a flustered glare like if he was embarrassed, which she took no offense to. "I don't just give anyone the right to take my coat, waste my time, bother me, stop me from sleeping, and more. It's just you and Boss, and even he has less power than you."

He continued after a deep breath. "And its not because you're human or I pity you. In fact, I couldn't care less if you're soul is strong, since I could still break it; I couldn't care less if you fell down here, since we're trapped down here too. I let you do because... it's like a bandaid, just gotta say it... I care about you. Not even like a sister or close friend, no, I mean if you were about to be shot, I would jump in front of bullet so you could liev put your life happily. I love you."

Y/N was silent, sorta just staring. Her whole body was shook, frozen, and in shock. She didn't even know what she just heard or if she was dreaming. She even forgot that she was freezing due to being too caught up in her feelings. Sans stood there silently for about 10 seconds as well, before he face-palmed and grew red jn embarrassment. That's when a tear escaped the corner of Y/N's eye and a large smile grew on her features.

"Sans," she replied sweetly as she walked over to him. She fell forwards on him and wrapped her arms around the inside of the coat, around his sweater. The embraced him tightly and said, "I love you too!" Sans felt his heart move a little and a new feeling wash over him. Without being able to control it, he felt a genuine smile grow on his face as he hugged her back tightly.

"I'm so...glad," he breathed out heavily, his nerves relaxing. The two stayed in that position for a while before eventually breaking off. Y/N pecked him on the cheek before grabbing his hand.

"We should go back inside, hehe. The food'll get cold," she said as she motioned to the door. Sans nodded nervously, chuckling.

"Yeah, and Grillby will be pissed if we wasted food. I don't wanna deal with that again." The two fo them walked inside the restaurant/bar, they started their way back to the bar. Yet when they got in, the bar was silent. I mean, the restaurant was pitch silent; not only that, but many eyes were on them as they walked in. Y/N completely ignored their exists' and sat down on the barstool, picked up her burger and ate it. Luckily was still warm. Sans on the other hand was hella nervous. No, he was fucking terrified.

Grillby walked over to the two and leaned forward, so than when he whispered, only they could hear. "The bunny chick saw you two hug and kiss. Just play it cool, and they'll forget all about it in a few days." Well shit, Sans thought. Boss is gonna kill me when he finds out.

Y/N just ate her burger in peace, not really caring if other people knew about them. After all, it's their choice to laugh about like a boy kindergartener complaining about holding hands with a girl because it means their "dating," or to hear about it and mind their own business.

#sans x reader #fell sans #underfell #underfell sans #underfell x reader #underfell sans x reader #bad writing #bad plot

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shootingstarwritings · 3 years

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FEStival Fiasco

Part 2

Part 1, Prologue

You’re Gonna Carry that Weight

Before the competition, the students were given time to research the cultures of the planet they would soon infiltrate. For Centaurus, what interested him the most was the cowboy. He had obsessively watched several spaghetti westerns and read many books detailing the rugged outlaws that prowled the western United States.

To Centaurus, the cowboy embodied freedom. He was a gallant legend that wandered the land, not caring about class or even order he dispensed justice wherever he went. He proudly carried himself with his smooth-talking ways and underhanded tricks that resonated so strongly with Centaurus. At least, that was the image that Centaurus had carved into his mind. I want to be like that. Not a worm, but a cowboy.

Now, staring a real-life cowboy at one of the food stalls in the early festival hours, he found himself unable to even utter a word.

“Uh, ya see somethin’ ya like?” The man said with a carefree grin. As soon as the cowboy spoke up, Centaurus jumped in his seat. He was still in Ken’s body, but the man’s memory and charisma completely failed. Even his own natural talent fizzled out.

“Um, yeah—no, wait, shit! Didn’t mean it like that,” said Centaurus, now pointedly looking away. He couldn't recall a time when he had gotten this flustered. What was happening to him? “Forget about it, all right?”

The stall owner arched an eyebrow at the two, but she didn’t say anything. She simply served their food with a polite nod.

Centaurus meant to walk away and crawl in a hole, but the cowboy stepped right in his way. Clad in a flannel shirt and a cowboy hat, he wore both his clothes and expression with unrivaled charisma. “Howdy,” he said, carefully enunciating the word.

“H-Hey...”

“C’mon! No need to be shy. Walk with me.” Seeing no reason to decline, Centaurus allowed himself to be guided around by this man straight out of his fantasies. “Name’s Austin,” he introduced himself. “Southern boy by birth and trade. You?”

“C-Cent,” was as far Centaurus said before clamming up again.

“Cent? Funny li’l name,” Austin said with a laugh. “Cute, tho. Like, rolls off the tongue real nice.” His tongue licked his lips just the slightest bit as he spoke. Centaurus nearly melted right then and there.

“So, what caught yer eye?” said Austin.

“Oh, uh, guess… how out there you are,” Centaurus said, mentally kicking himself as the conversation drew on. He had walked into this conversation flat-footed and tumbled in just about every exchange. His heart was racing, and his whole body burned with a desire he couldn't snuff out. “You’re eye-catching, is all I can say.”

Austin leaned in, grinning as he said, “Think I’m more than that to ya. Yer startin’ to pitch a tent, y’know,” with a wink. Centaurus grit his teeth, cursing under his breath as he looked down at himself. Austin continued, saying, “C’mon, let’s get ya somewhere more discreet ‘fore security kicks ya outta this place.”

Without waiting for a response, Austin took Centaurus’ hand and dragged him away from the festival. “Don’t worry, I ain’t roomin’ with any folks,” he said, head bopping back and forth as though he was humming a song to himself. “We’ll be private.”

“I-If you say so,” said Centaurus.

They arrived soon afterward. On occasion, Centaurus caught a few stares from the various guests that ate from the continental breakfast, but he didn’t worry about that. Now he was alone in the cowboy’s room. As he sat on the foot of the bed, he noticed that there was what he figured was the scent of the great southern frontier. Austin was here for merely a day, and already his scent had marked the room.

“It’s my candle,” said Austin, excitedly gesturing to a container with a candle decorated with a tiny, smiling cowboy inside. “Friend o’ mine gave it to me ‘fore I left. Said it’d keep the ranch in my heart,” he said. “Always a romantic, that girl, bless her heart. But still, always makes these sterile rooms feel a li’l bit more like home.” Home…

“How come you left?” said Centaurus.

“Yer a noisy one, ain’tcha?” Austin said, not dropping his smile. “Guess it felt like it was high time fer me to just...travel, y’know? Spent my whole life on the ranch. Felt like I had to break away ‘n’ find m’own path. Wanted to sorta find something. Myself, maybe. Headed to this town and chatted a friend up from my childhood. Planned on goin’ to the festival together, but he got hit hard with the flu. So I walked ‘round the place, lookin’ fer somethin’ to do.”

“And that’s when you picked me up?”

Austin chuckled. “Well, wouldn’t put it like that. ‘d rather call it sweepin’ ya off yer feet, my friend.”

“And you call your friend a romantic,” Centaurus said, tittering to himself. Uneasiness long forgotten, he continued to chat away and talk with Austin until the two of them fell back onto the bed together, slowly undressing. “I’ve never done this with a cowboy before, I gotta admit.”

“Well, I ain’t just a cowboy, Cent. I’m Austin.”

Yeah, Centaurus thought, you’re Austin. What lied before him was no longer a cowboy—a character he so fondly thought of. Instead, it was a man that found him, for whatever reason, charming. “Come here,” said Centaurus, lying down on top of Austin. He could hear his heart gently beating. You’re wonderful.

Centaurus, fully nude, spread his legs. Austin first started by teasing his hole with a finger, then his tongue. “Gonna do this right,” he said in-between his tongue teases. “I ain’t gonna hurt ya. Promise.” Centaurus just nodded, trembling with anticipation. His legs quivered with just the foreplay.

However, the teasing went on for far too long. His hole, initially tingling with pleasure, now felt played with and empty. “Oh, just fuck me already,” Centaurus moaned.

“Beg a li’l more,” Austin said.

“Please, Austin. Tear me in two already.”

“Nah, nah, that ain’t want I’m lookin’ fer.” Austin raised himself and lied on top of Centaurus’ chest with a smirk on his face. “Ask me for a lovin’. Something so sweet yer tight li’l ass will never forget.”

Swallowing, Centaurus said, “Make love to me, Austin. Make me forget about my fucking life,” and Austin complied.

Austin softly whispered, “Yer moans’re so hot,” and, “cry harder for me...” as he pounded Centaurus. “So cute, Cent,” he said before groaning in pleasure as well as he sped up.

Centaurus nearly fainted as he felt Austin fuck him. “Oh, fuck,” he groaned, biting down on his knuckles. As soon as Austin said his name, he shut his eyes and allowed himself to indulge in that fantasy. There was no Ken, no competition, nothing except himself and this man who didn’t feel like a stranger anymore.

“God, fuck, yer so damn tight, Cent!” Austin cried out as he drew back and slammed into Centaurus with wild abandon. “Moan more fer me, c’mon!” he said, pumping Centaurus’ dick as he fucked him.

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck fuck fuck! Sh-Shit, I’m cumming…!”

Austin took that opportunity to lean in and hungrily kiss Centaurus, who reciprocated. He drank in as much of Austin’s heavy pants and scent as he could. After so many times of hearing another name with a partner, it was nice to feel as though he didn’t have to pretend. He lied bare to this man who miraculously knew so little about him, and it was so liberating.

Centaurus’ midsection tightened, and then he came sticky ropes onto Austin’s chest. The two groaned into each other’s mouths as they came together.

“Maybe it’s just the high I got, but… I love yer company, Cent.”

In-between pants, Centaurus said, “I feel the same way, Austin,” and desperately wished he meant every word. He knew this had nothing to do with the mission or his desire to finally build his career, but he still wished this would last forever.

“What’s the matter, Cent? Yer lookin’ a bit down.”

“Not sure. I… I seriously don’t know.”

“Well, dunno if this makes ya feel any better but, I thought yer pretty nice company if I do say so myself,” said Austin with a small, charming smile.

However, Centaurus still thought about her. Zathina’s bitter and hateful expression remained in the back of his mind. He could still feel her shoe nearly crushing his windpipe. “You’re wasting time,” he imagined her saying with that sneer of hers. Alongside her sickening voice was the word worm over and over again like it was branded directly into his brain. “Indulging in these nonsensical things,” the voice continued, “you’re pathetic. Looks like the winner is clear. I suppose you truly are a worm after all.”

“Kiss me,” said Centaurus.

“Hmm?” Austin hummed, surprised at his sudden interruption.

Not waiting for an answer, Centaurus wrapped an arm around Austin’s neck and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss. “Mmm, mmm!” Austin didn’t initially fight back until he felt something slipping in through his mouth.

Centaurus disconnected himself from Ken’s brain, leaving behind some toxic behind, and quickly slithered into Austin’s open, vulnerable mouth. Eventually, Austin pushed an unconscious Ken off, but it was already too late. The alien was already making its way through his mouth and into his brain. Austin tried to grab at the alien, but he failed to get a grasp. He fell back onto the bed and began to convulse as pleasure and fear overrode his entire body.

Switching host was always a dizzying experience for Centaurus. Not only because looking at his host body disoriented him with the raping changing of faces, but because there remained a little bit of himself in them.

“Wake up,” Centaurus commanded Ken. Wordlessly, Ken sat up in the bed. “Go home to your partner. Don’t even look at me.” Ken nodded and began to leave. “Put your clothes on first! Animal...”

For all members of his kind, the toxic vanishes from the host after about 20 minutes. Ken would be back to normal with little recollection of what he did. The experience that Ken went through would be forgotten. Same with Austin when Centaurus eventually left. Even if by some twist of fate they crossed paths again, Centaurus would be the only one left with that moment in his memories.

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror and saw no trace of the man that he shared that tender moment with. No matter how much Centaurus tried to laugh, frown, or even cry, he could no longer see Austin anymore. All that the mirror reflected was a worm pretending to be a man. He was alone.

#male possession #alien possession #cowboy possession #DILF possession #possession #festival fiasco

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jisungsplatforms · 4 years

Text

Dahlia

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x gn! reader

Genre: angst; hanahaki au, non idol au

Warning: language, mentions of cheating, tiny tiny spoilers & allusions to some of my other fics if you squint hard enough. Some elements of Felix x reader (purely platonic tho)

Note: this does NOT portray Stray Kids’ true personalities. This is all purely FICTIONAL

*this is one of my longest fics i’ve ever written so sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

(Based off of (G) i-dle’s “Dahlia)

(Page II)

Dahlia:

“Signifies a lasting bond and commitment between two people;

symbolizes elegance, inner strength , change, and dignity...”

Hwang Hyunjin is bad news.

He’s a player, he’ll leave once he gets bored of you.

Hwang is no good for you. You deserve so much better, Y/n.

That was all you heard ever since you started dating Hyunjin. Different variations of it, all with the same connotation. People warned you, left and right, whenever they saw you two together. But you didn’t care, you choose to love him anyways, despite the rumors you’ve heard about him. It was all...

...Blind love. Sure, you fall in love fast, and every single time, you’ve been cheated on; but you knew that he was different, you could feel it. You had faith in Hyunjin.

Today was your one year anniversary. You sighed at the calendar hanging on your wall, a vase with a single dahila (given by Hyunjin a few weeks ago) sat on a table beside it.

“Did you know back then, lovers used to gift their beloved dahlias as a sign of everlasting love and commitment?” Hyunjin said with a pretty smile, holding a bouquet of a dozen dahlias.

“Oh really now?” you giggled, taking the bouquet into your hands. “Are you trying to tell me something?” You tilted your head, your eyebrows raised playfully.

“Hmm. Only that I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he cheekily said. “And that I will love you, and only you, even for the our next 100 lifetimes.”

You writhed in giddiness, touched by his words. “I can’t wait then,” you said, planting a soft kiss onto his plump lips, the two of you smiling into the kiss.

That was a year ago; 3 months into your relationship, probably the happiest year you’ve ever had. Every day with Hyunjin felt magical, like it was too good to be true. He was nothing but gentle with you. He held your hand as if you were glass. His eyes stared into yours as if you had the shiniest of diamonds for eyes. His beautiful smile always made your heart flutter, but his kisses was what really did the job. You thought that you could never had enough of him. You were his princess and he’s your prince charming.

But little did you know that the magic will soon wear off...

You stared at your phone in sheer disappointment.

Sorry, I can’t make it today. Something really important came up and I can’t miss it.

-was what was written on your screen, sent by your boyfriend. Bringing the phone closer to your face, you replied.

Really? You can’t skip it? Or even do it later?

Nope. Sorry, babe. There’s nothing I can do.

Oh...okay then.

Cheer up, babe. We’ll just go on a date on another day! I’ll make it up to you. Promise! :)

‘Go on a date on another day’ For some reason, reading that message shot a pang of hurt through your chest. To you, it basically implied that today was supposed to be just ‘another date’ for you guys.

Did he...forget that it’s our one year today? you thought sadly at the possibility as you put your phone down. Shaking your head, you tried to erase the negative thoughts from your mind. No no no, Hyunjin wouldn’t have forgotten. He was the one who even arranged the date! You held your cheeks in your hands. Sighing, you stood up to leave your bedroom to get a glass of water, feeling a heaviness to your chest. A million thoughts ran through your head as you made your way to the kitchen.

Is it possible that he really did forget?

Is he lying to me?

Am I just overthinking things again?

Or did he finally get...bored of me?

Looking back, you started to think about how lately, Hyunjin has been cancelling and rescheduling your dates. Every time you text him, asking him to come over, he’d reply with something along the line of “can’t i’m busy. sorry.” Of course you felt hurt, but you always told yourself, he’s a busy man. We don’t always have to be together.

And of course, you werent oblivious to how every month, the amount of dahlias Hyunjin used to give you slowly decreased. Once a dozen dahlias became only 8. 8 slowly became half a dozen. Then 6 became only 3. But you’ve convinced yourself that you didn’t need flowers to determine how in love you were, telling yourself how expensive live flowers actually are, so it makes sense he’ll end up giving less flowers. That’s it. That’s what you’ve conditioned your mind to think.

You’ve convinced yourself that Hyunjin truly is a good guy.

You didn’t even realize you were already in your kitchen until you felt yourself holding the cup to your mouth, the cool liquid making it’s way down your esophagus. You put the cup onto the counter, mindlessly staring at it. Maybe your were just overthinking things. That’s it.

Trudging back to the bedroom, you sat on the edge of your bed, sighing heavily, trying to contain the tears that were threatening to come out. Your lit up with a notification.

—

From Lixie Ramsay 🧑‍🍳🍽

—

Hey Y/n, are you feeling well?

Seeing a text from Felix, you grabbed your phone.

Not really. How’d you know??

Idk. I guess you can call it...best friend telepathy :D

You smiled, typing in another reply.

Well thank GOD for bsf telepathy cause I feel like shit rn.

Overthinking again?

Yes :(

Aww sorry to hear that dude :((

Wait. What happened with Hyunjin? Isn’t it your anniversary today?

Your heart ached at the message, the good mood you were slowly feeling again plummeted. Luckily, Felix noticed how long you were taking to reply to him.

Ah nvm... Anyways, I’m pretty much free rn so that meeaannnsss...I’ll take you out on a date instead!

Even though you were wallowing in misery, you couldn’t help but tease him.

You? Pass

How rude. And here I am being the greatest friend anyone could ask for, and you have the audacity to be picky?

Have fun with your pity party then, best friend

You sniggered at his reply. No no. I’m sorry I’m sorry, I’ll take up your offer LOL

Good. Be ready in about 20 mins. I’m coming over so we can go to the café together!

Okayyy :D

You got up and put on a nice, but comfortable outfit to go out in with your best friend.

You were just sitting on your couch, awaiting for Felix’s arrival when you heard a knock on your door.

“Y/n! It’s meee~!” came his loud, deep voice. You chortled as you got up from your couch, making sure everything was secured before going to your door. You opened it to see Felix’s bright smile greeting you.

You giggled, opening the door wider. “‘Sup, bro,” you nodded your head. Felix returned the gesture.

“‘Sup. You ready?”

“Yup! Let’s go.” Before you could get out of your house, Felix stopped you.

“Wait wait! I have something for you!” he lightly pushed you back inside. Only then did you notice that he was holding a single sunflower in his left hand. Your eyes widened a little, confused.

“What’s this?” you asked.

“A sunflower!”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Duh, I know that, but what’s it for?”

Felix beamed. “Well, I knew that you were feeling sad today, and I heard from someone that sunflowers are known as “happy flowers”, so I thought that I should give you one! To cheer you up!”

You looked at the flower in awe, incredibly touched by his gesture. “Lix...” you trailed off, feeling happy tears beginning to prick your eyes. You took the sunflower from his hands and stared at it, already feeling the positive vibes radiating from it.

“I know, I know. I’m the bestest best friend anyone could ask for. Now let’s go! I’ve been dying to try the carrot cake in that new café a few blocks down!” Felix said, sliding his arm to yours, “I heard that they have one of the best carrot cakes in town.”

You looked up from the flower to look at him, grinning. “Thank you so much for this, dude. I really appreciate it.”

Felix shrugged with a small smile on his face. “It’s the least I could do. Really.” He waited for you as you locked your front door, arms still linked, then making your way to go to the café Felix has been dying to go to.

The two of you walked together, catching up on each other’s current events going on in your lives, seeing how you weren’t able to for the past two weeks. Right now, Felix was telling you about a certain crush he has in one of his classes.

“Ooh, so, have you tried asking them out? Or even just told them that you’re interested or something, in the very least?” you wiggled your eyebrows. In response, he sucked in his breath a little. His face contorted in a slight grimace.

“I...tried to...” He said with his teeth clenched. You looked at him in puzzled.

“What do you mean ‘tried to’, Lix?” you asked. “It’s either you did or you didn’t.”

Felix sighed in embarrassment, his mind wandering back to the memory. “I sorta might’ve accidentally revealed that I liked them but sorta might’ve got embarrassed and accidentally took it back?”

“What?” you deadpanned.

“Okay okay. It’s dumb. I know. But they were so SO cute just talking, TALKING, and it just slipped out, I guess!” he said, exasperatedly. “I really couldn’t help it! Honest! So, I just panicked and covered it up by saying ‘I’m so lucky to have a friend like you'”

You looked at him blankly, slowly unlinking your arms. “Oh no,” you sighed, slightly shaking your head. “Oh baby nooo...”

“Yeah. I’m pathetic, I know.”

You hummed in pity, patting his shoulder. “A little, yeah, but it’s okay. Things like that happen, unfortunately. Don’t worry though, it’s not like it’s the end of the world,” you grinned, “You’ll have a lot more chances to actually confess in the near future.”

Felix nodded, crooning. “You’re right, Y/n. Thanks,” he said, giving you a hug as he gave you his well-renowned sunshine-like smile that you couldn’t help but smile back.

“No problem.”

Topic after topic, the two of you were so immersed in your conversation that you guys arrived at the café.

“Finally!” you cheered. “That was a surprisingly long walk.”

Felix sighed. “For real. But on the bright side: carrot cake!”

“Is the carrot cake even that good?”

“Dunno. Only one way to find out!” Felix walked a few steps ahead of you to open the door for you when he suddenly stopped. His whole body went rigid. In a blink of an eye, he turned around, gently pushing you away from the building. “Darn. What a shame, it’s full today. Oh well,” he frantically stated.

You glanced back behind him to check the inside yourself, only to see that it was only half full.

“What’re you talking about? There’s totally enough space for us. Let’s go.”

Felix’s face was full of dread. His body was stiff, his eyes shook a little as he maintained eye contact with you. He was nervous, and you could tell.

“You’re not okay. Is there someone in there you wanna avoid?” you said in urgency.

“Uhm. You could say that,” he murmured, looking down. Looking back up to see if there were any shifty looking faces that were in desperate need of a beating, your heart dropped in horror and dispair. Through the window, you saw Hyunjin, your boyfriend, sitting with a pretty looking lady. You watched them with woeful eyes as they smiled and laugh with each other. You couldn’t believe it, you didn’t want to. You wanted to believe that this was all a misunderstanding. You only snapped out of it when you felt Felix’s small, warm hands.

“Let’s-uh- let’s just go, yeah?” he said quietly. Nodding mindlessly, you let him lead to somewhere else. Anywhere but here. Felix rubbed your back, trying to give you any kind of hug he could give you as you walked away. You tried your best to push back the cough making it’s way to your throat. Good thing Felix was guiding you the entire way, others you would’ve fallen due to your blurry eyesight.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into your ear. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

It’s okay. You have nothing to apologize for, is what you wanted to tell him. But you couldn’t, for if you do, you might end up breaking down in the middle of the streets. You breathed heavily, containing both your tears and the pressure down in your chest and throat.

You snuggled closer to your thick blankets, trying to assimilate the warm you crave for from it. Felix was by your side, rubbing soothing circle to your back. You guys never went to go to another café. Instead, he led you home, seeing how it wasn’t the right time for you two to go out. You appreciated his gesture. It makes you wonder why can’t every guy be like your best friend, your brother, your soulmate. Felix let out a long exhale.

“Man, I-I’m sorry you had to see that, especially on your anniversary,” he soft said. Felix was furious, not only at Hyunjin, but himself as well. He felt like he couldn’t protect you, like he failed as your best friend.

“It’s okay, Lix. I’m fine,” you murmured. “Actually,” you paused, “I’m not fine. But you don’t have to apologize for something like this. This had nothing to do with you.”

“I know,” he sighed. “Im just frustrated, you know. I’m mad that you’re hurting like this.”

“Yeah me too,” you said emptily. “I just hope that this was just a misunderstanding.”

“He better damn well make sure that it’s just a misunderstanding,” he grumbled. “Otherwise i’m gonna have to settle some things with him. Hope he knows that i’m a black belt in Taekwondo.”

You snorted. “Thanks, Felix.”

“I will have a ‘chat’ with him. Mark my words.”

You laughed at him. You could faintly feel the angst in your heart lessen, but not completely go away. Hearing your front door unlock, you stiffened. You tried your best to not look at it.

“Babe! I’m here!” Hyunjin’s voice rang at the entrance. You felt Felix’s hold on your form tighten. Hyunjin walked closer to you two.

“Hey, Felix,” he said flatly. “didn’t know you were coming here.”

“Hmm.” Felix nodded his head, not even trying to make eye contact with the tall brunette. Hyunjin nodded back in annoyance.

“Anyways, you can leave now,” he sneered with his jaw clenched. “Your job is done. Now it’s my turn to spend time with my beloved.”

Both you and Felix tensed at his words. He looked down to look for your approval. Seeing your unsure nod, he hesitantly let go of you, watching you as he does so.

“It’s okay,” you mouthed to him. He made a sharp breath as he stood up, still refusing to look Hyunjin in the eye.

“Goodbye,” Felix called out, more to you than the other. You felt a sense of foreboding when you heard the door shut. From your side, Hyunjin let out a harsh groan.

“Finally,” he said, sitting down as he wrapped his arm around you. You couldn’t let yourself relax in his arms like how you’d usually to. You just felt uneasy in his presence right now. “So? How was you day? Missed me?” Hyunjin asked. You couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t bring yourself to pretend anymore.

“Are you cheating on me?” you more declared than asked as you sat up straight. Hyunjin’s eyes widened for a millisecond, a flash of fear in his eyes, but he just played it off.

“How could you accuse me of something like that?” he said, defensively. “I’m your boyfriend. Don’t you trust me?”

You bit your lip nervously. “I saw you, Hyunjin. At the café.” His face contorted in panic but quickly masked it as disbelief.

He scoffed, “Well you saw wrong, Y/n. That was just a friend, I would NEVER cheat on you.” He shook his head disappointingly, removing his arm from you. “I can’t believe that you would ever doubt me, babe. I’m actually really hurt by this right now.”

You felt a wave of guilt rush over you.

“Oh...I’m sorry,” you muttered. “I just thought-“

“You thought what? That the rumors were true?” Hyunjin laughed sarcastically. “Man, and here I thought that you were different.”

Your eyes teared up even more as the guilt inside your chest increased. Was I really wrong? you thought. “No! I’m-I’m sorry, Hyunie! I didn’t know! I just felt hurt because today was su-”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s okay. Let me just, be alone for a while, Y/n.” Hyunjin quietly got up and walked out of your house. You walked as he slammed the door on his way out, wrapping the blanket tighter around you. You were starting to regret letting Felix leave. The air around turn colder in your empty apartment.

It was supposed to be our one year anniversary, you thought, finally letting your tears out. And yet again, you tried controlling the tickling down your throat.

“He told you WHAT?” Felix exclaimed, looking at you incredulously. You had to shush him when you noticed some of the other people in the coffe shop giving you both tiny glares.

“He told me that it was just a friend that he had to me,” you said, quietly. “And that he would never cheat on me. He also said that felt hurt that I didn’t trust him, so I felt bad cause he did looked super upset.”

Felix rolled his eyes as he let out a sardonic “ha”. “That’s rich. Coming from him?” You let out a tiny pout.

“I don’t know, Lix. He seemed like he was telling the truth though?”

“Yeah, seemed, Y/n. I don’t know if you should trust him anymore. And besides, it even sounded like he was trying to make you feel bad instead of apologizing.”

“Well yeah cause-” Felix cut you off, holding up his hand to stop you from saying anything else.

“That’s gaslighting, bud. A huge red flag if you ask me. He didn’t even remember that it was your anniversary!”

Scrunching your eyebrows, you pondered upon Felix’s words. You knew he was right, but you really wanted to give Hyunjin the benefit of a doubt. All of a sudden, you felt a pressure in your chest. In need of relief, you coughed into the juncture of your arm. Felix winced in pity.

“Ooh, sounds nasty. You good there?”

You nodded as you continued coughing, giving him a thumbs up. Once you finish with your fit, you cleared your throat a little, grabbing the water bottle beside you to drink.

“Mhmm, yeah. Just a tickle, that’s all.”

“You sure? You’ve started coughing since yesterday,” Felix stated. “Are you sure you aren’t getting sick cause of the weather or stress or something?”

“Uhh nah. I don’t think so,” you said. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Felix hummed, totally unconvinced by your reasoning. He knew deep down something was wrong; he just didn’t know what. It was quiet for a while until Felix up at the window and let out a little gasp. You raised your eyebrows at this, silently asking him what’s wrong. He glared a little at the window before turning to you.

“Hate to do this but look. Behind you, don’t make it obvious.”

You slightly turned your head to see what he was looking at. Your eyes widened. You saw Hyunjin and the same girl from 2 days ago, passing by at the other side of the window, hand in hand. You watched in disbelief as the girl tipped toed to kiss his cheek while he giggles. You quickly turned your head in the other direction to avoid him as they walked by, feeling the pressure in your chest worsen. It hurt even more when you remember the small bouquet of dahilas in her hands. You felt your eyes burning with tears, sucking in deep breaths. Turns out that that was a mistake.

You calming yourself back-fired. You ended up having a coughing fit; but it didn’t feel like any cough you’ve ever had. It felt way heavier, like you were almost suffocating. Bringing a fist to your chest, you pounded on it as if it would help. You didn’t know if the tears in your eyes was from the couch or seeing your bastard of a boyfriend. You couldn’t even open them so you opted to just keeping them shut .

“Y/n?!” Felix yelled out in alarm. You felt him come up behind you, rubbing your back. “Oh shit...” you heard him breathed out. You slowly opened your eyes and turned to him. He looked frantic, but he wasn’t staring at you, rather on the floor. You looked back to see dahlia petals on the floor.

Huh? you thought in bewilderment. Last time you checked, there wasn’t any plants in the shop, aside for the plastic Swiss Cheese plants in the corners of the place, if they even count at all.

Felix noticed your gaze on the petals. “That shit’s from you,” he pointed out. “We need to get you to a hospital. ASAP.”

You looked at him weakly. “But-“

“NOW, Y/n.”

“I- what?” you gasped in horror.

“You’ve, unfortunately, contracted the Hanahaki Disease,” the doctor announced in sympathy. Felix rushed you to the nearest hospital after your little scene. When you arrived there and told the receptionist at the entrance, she immediately paged you to the emergency room. You were scared. You didn’t know what was so urgent to rush you to an emergency room.

“Hantahapki? What the hell is that?” Felix asked, coming out rather aggressively. He was horrified; who wouldn’t be if they witnessed their best friend coughing out flower petals.

“Hanahaki,” the doctor subtly corrected, “It’s a rare disease that makes you cough out petals. Not many people gets it.”

Your heart beak was fast. If it was rare, then who knows what could happen.

“Okay, Hanahaki. So do you know how Y/n got it?”

The doctor removed her glasses and put it on the desk beside her. “Well, though it is a rare disease, we do know enough about it,” she declared. “The Hanahaki disease, fortunately, isn’t contagious and is only produced from unrequited love.”

You let out a shaky sigh. “So it is true. He doesn’t love me anymore,” you muttered. You felt the familiar pressure in your chest so you relieved yourself, petals spewing as you coughed. Felix immediately rubbed your back in alarm.”

“Is there anyway to treat it, doc?” he worriedly questioned. The doctor nodded.

“Yes actually. One option is for the patient’s love to be returned by the recipient,” your heart dropped a little hearing this “-or the other is to undergo surgery.”

“Surgery?” you both inquired at the same time.

The doctor nodded again. “Yes, surgery, our safest option. However, doing so will result in Y/n loosing all feelings of love altogether.”

“So what you’re saying is,” you said slowly. “-if I do the procedure, I won’t be able to love again?”

“Unfortunately, yes. Romantic love that is. You can still love people platonicly, like your friend over here,” she said gesturing to Felix. “Family and friends, basically. You just can’t have romantic feelings for anyone else, even if you really wanted to.”

You and Felix looked at each other in sorrow. “I,” Felix started off, “really think you should do it.”

You bit your lip as you shook your head. “I don’t know. This is a pretty big decision. Can’t I just, like, think about it for a while? Before I really decide if I want to do this?”

“Of course you can, Y/n,” the doctor said. “Just don’t take too long making a decision, okay? Because it will kill you, if you don’t decide on time.”

The two of you looked up at her in horror. “KILL?!”

She winced a little at your loud voices, prompting the two of you to apologize. “Yes, kill. Those aren’t just petals coming out of no where.” She gestured to the pile between the tree of you. “They have to produce somewhere. At first they’ll start of as a little bud, that’s why as of now, you’re only coughing out several petals each cough, eventually getting bigger and bigger until the flower in your lungs fully bloom, which could end up bursting out of your chest.”

Felix turned to you in pure terror, slightly shaking you. “I REALLY think you should do the surgery today.” You brushed him off of you.

“Okay yeah, that’s terrifying, but I won’t be able to love ever again, Lix!” you countered. He look at you like you were crazy.

“You won’t be able to feel ANYTHING if you don’t!”

You contemplated on the situation. You didn’t know what to do. The doctor interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Don’t worry, Y/n you have about a few weeks minimum to make a decision. Luckily you came to us the day you started coughing out the petals. Otherwise, if it happened earlier and you kept it to yourself, you might’ve...you know.” You shook your head in acknowledgment.

“Yeah. Okay, thank you, doc.”

It’s been 5 days since you’ve been to the hospital; 5 days you’ve been diagnosed with the Hanahaki Disease; 5 days since you’ve last seen Hyunjin.

You still weren’t sure if you wanted to undergo the procedure. Felix said that this was the best option, but you didn’t want to listen. You still had hope in your heart that maybe, just maybe, Hyunjin still loves you deep down. You heard your phone ding from the table. You picked it up and saw that is was from your “boyfriend”.

Hey! Haven’t seen each other in a while. Wanna talk?

Your heart sped up. You didn’t know if it was from excitement that he finally contacted you, or fear that you might end up finding out the whole truth. Your fingers typed out a reply.

Yeah, come over today. I’ve missed you

Liar, you thought to yourself.

Sure! See you soon!

You typed out your final reply, burying your face into the throw pillows.

A knock was heard from your door, signaling Hyunjin’s arrival. You tensed buy quickly calmed yourself down. You got up to let him in. You were greeted by his big smile, which you knew now was fake.

“Hey, babe! I’ve missed you!” he cheered.

Fucking liar. Putting one a fake smile, you said a quick “miss you too” and let him in. Closing the door, you gave yourself a mental pep talk before going straight to the point. You turned around to face him

“You’re cheating on me,” you stated, emotionlessly. You didn’t even say it as if it was a question, you knew. Hyunjin looked panic before composing himself.

“Again, Y/n? I told you, it-”

“I SAW YOU, HYUNJIN!” you cried out, not even containing your emotions anymore. “I SAW YOU OUTSIDE OF THE CAFÉ. I SAW YOU HOLDING HANDS. I SAW HER KISS YOU AND YOU DIDNT PUSH HER AWAY. IN FACT, IT LOOKED LIKE YOU ENJOYED IT.” You walked quickly towards him to push his chest.

“WHAT’S WORSE WAS THAT I SAW THE DAHLIAS YOU GAVE HER, A FLOWER THAT YOU SAID WAS SPECIAL TO US!” you fell to the floor, sobbing. The jig was up, Hyunjin knew.

“I trusted you Hyunjin...I really did. I even convinced myself that you weren’t like the rumors said,” you said weakly, already too tired to scream. “I love you. How could you do this to me?”

Hyunjin watched as you broke down. He didn’t know what to say; how to comfort you. He couldn’t even lie to you anymore. He felt bad for you. But he could’nt deny that he’s lost feelings for you.

“I’m sorry...”

Hearing this made you cry even more, you cradled your chest as you sank deeper to the floor. He didn’t even deny it. He didn’t even try comforting you. You heard his heavy footsteps leave your house, closing the door behind him. Your heart lurked even more. So this is it, you thought.

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking bad.

You were used to being cheated and lied to, so why did it? You clutched your burning chest, trying to regulate your breathing. More tears spilled out of your eyes.

It was because you genuinely loved Hyunjin.

You couldn’t take it anymore, you started wheezing out the dahlia petals out of your chest. A bunch of petals flew out of your mouth. You couldn’t breathe. It was too much. You crawled to your phone to call Felix. It rang once, twice, before he finally answered.

“Y/n?”

You could’ve even speak anymore, the room started spinning, your vision started blurring.

“Lix...hospital...” you managed to let out before collapsing.

“Y/n? Y/n!”

You woke up to the sound of beeping. You looked around and noticed that you weren’t home anymore. You tried getting up, flinching when the IV bag connected to you stopped you.

Ah, I’m at the hospital.

You laid back down and relaxed, trying to relive what happened last time you were awake. All you remember were blurry images of you crying, petals, hearing Felix’s panicked voice, then nothing. You eyes shot open at the thought.

Felix?!

You looked around the room to finally see him sleeping in the corner. You could faintly distinguish the dried tear marks on his freckled face.

He must’ve been here for a while.

The door know turned to reveal the same doctor to diagnosed you a few days prior. “Hello, Y/n,” she greeted, standing by your bed. “Seems like you’re doing well now.” You nodded. You tried speaking to answer her, only to find that you couldn’t because of how dry your throat was. The doctor noticed this and shook her head.

“Don’t. Just rest, it’s okay.”

You bowed you head as a slight thank you. She walked closer to you to pat your head.

“Congratulations, the procedure was a success.”

You eyes widened at the implication. So that’s why you’re here. It all made sense now. You have her a smile as you gave a raspy “thank you.” She talked to you for a while before deciding to leave you to rest a little more. She announced you could be discharged from the hospital by tomorrow.

You felt a little disappointed that you couldn’t love anymore, but still overall glad that you’re still alive. You glanced at the papers the doctor left on the table beside you, grabbing it to read it a little just to see that is was just your information. Beside it, you saw that she also left a cup of water for you. You gulped it down, letting out a relieved “ah” went you finished.

You didn’t want to think about anything right now, and you sure as hell didn’t even want to think about your now ex-boyfriend. You closed your eyes to think about what went wrong in your life. Especially now that you have to live without loving anything the way you want to. You contemplated with an emptiness in your chest.

Our love is-

“...however, they do carry negative connotations;

betrayal, dishonesty, instability.”

-Dahlia

—————————————————————————

(Case #XX1-

Name: Y/n L/n

Patient: Cured; Discharged: XX,XX,XXXX at XX:XX)

——————————————————————————

(Back to Page I)

A/N: PHEW FINALLY DONE WITH THE FIRST PART OF THE SERIES. IVE BEEN EXCITED TO WRITE THIS FIC FOR A LOOONG TIME. (G) I-dle’s “Dahlia” is what inspired me to start the Hanahaki series so THANK YOU MINNIE

#stray kids #skz #stray kids fanfic #skz scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids angst #skz hyunjin #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin angst #hyunjin x reader #skz felix #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #skz hanahaki au

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 3 years

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so I wrote most of this...four days ago, and then somehow didn’t get around to finishing it until just now, which feels super weird because after writing this I started getting worried about future episodes again for a variety of reasons, and of course now we’re at T minus 10 minutes? (honestly if I’m somehow late for my own funeral I’m pretty sure no one will be surprised.) but I still wanted to post this to go over some of what I liked so much about episode 4, even if...I am no longer anywhere near as confident as I was a few days ago about where the show might be going. whatever.

***

I’ve done almost nothing for the past day or so except chew over episode 4 some more, partly trying to figure out why I liked it so much when it was broadly very divisive, and I realized that a lot of what I’ve been feeling from this episode is relief.

the thing is I’ve been paranoid since at least Infinity War about Marvel doing setup that looks like it’ll lead to a big payoff and then nothing (Loki’s death, but also Gamora’s and maybe Vision’s, and the general fact that the “fix” to IW was convoluted, took place much later, and caused as many problems as it solved, and just, Endgame in general), so I don’t really trust Marvel that way anymore. plus Marvel has pretty badly fumbled a lot of different things in the past, especially on various social issues, by introducing unfortunate implications that apparently didn’t occur to them even though they’re obvious to literally everyone else...stuff like Thanos’s “sacrifice” of Gamora, or how the Flag-Smashers were portrayed and Karli was a villain for no real reason, or how it would’ve been so easy to add a couple lines in WandaVision that would fix the whole thing where the Maximoffs weren’t just whitewashed but they also voluntarily worked with Nazis and they whiffed that too.

so, while I’ve been enjoying the show, a lot of that enjoyment has been based on meta I’ve seen and me sort of going “this interpretation is really cool and it makes a lot of sense, but at this point I can’t know if it’s something the showrunners are doing on purpose or if they sorta accidentally implied depth where there wasn’t any and it’s not actually leading anywhere” with things like the TVA being very clearly authoritarian but also supposedly the good guys, Loki being constantly described as an awful person, Loki sometimes being manic or incompetent, etc. etc. etc., along with the similar interpretation of “sure, we fans know all this stuff about how Loki is not an awful person actually, thanks, and the people who arrested him aren’t automatically Good Guys just because they’re in opposition to him but casual viewers--including not-casual-but-not-fannish viewers who should really know better--have not figured any of this out and so the show needs to go out of its way to demonstrate things that are obvious to us” but I wasn’t sure. the second half of episode 1 made me feel pretty good about where the show was headed as far as Loki’s characterization and emotions were concerned, but the more lighthearted aspects of 2 and 3 had me wondering again.

so then what happens in this episode?

the TVA goes fully mask off. the Time-Keepers are in fact fake, the Sacred Timeline by extension is also basically fake, the people who work there are all variants, the ones we know (C-20, B-15, Mobius) show grief and anger over the lives that were stolen from them, Sylvie is arrested as a child who did absolutely nothing wrong (and then put through the same process Loki was in episode 1, which is cool because a lot of it was kinda played for laughs then but showing the same things happening to an innocent child also serves to reframe what happened to Loki as, hmm, not that funny after all maybe!), Renslayer is willing to prune innocent people--friends and coworkers, even--just because they learned too much, all the sinister propaganda WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SINISTER

Loki gets very serious very fast in this episode. he displays a lot of genuine emotion and trauma but he mostly does it in a calculated way that shows just how fast his brain works and how he’s always, always thinking about what other people want/expect from him. (like--even the complaint about too few guards seems to fall into that category, given that he only says it after Mobius insists he must be wanting to make some kind of quip!) his self-image is garbage but through Sylvie he’s starting to maybe work on that. he goes up against multiple armed enemies while completely unarmed and holds his own until he gets a weapon. he pushes back when it matters and doesn’t just accept everything Mobius throws at him. he lies, pretty competently (the fact that Mobius doesn’t believe him is...really not his fault, considering Mobius wouldn’t believe him at first about the truth either, so I’m pretty sure he wasn’t planning to believe anything Loki outright told him), when it actually matters, primarily in what sure seems like an attempt to protect someone he cares about.

and Mobius. says that Loki WAS RIGHT. ABOUT THE TVA. FROM THE BEGINNING!!! I would still love to hear him say explicitly, look, I said a lot of shitty things to you and tossed in some actual physical torture at the end there oops but the vast majority of it was stuff I didn’t really mean and was only saying to get a reaction and/or information and of course it turns out I was wrong about all the TVA stuff, so I want to say for the record that I was wrong about you personally in many different ways and I’m sorry. (which, honestly, would probably be very awkward for both of them because I doubt Loki has much experience receiving genuine apologies.) but I’m mostly okay with it if he doesn’t, because I feel like you were right from the beginning, and by the way you can be whatever you want does a decent job of implying most of that. (...enough for casual viewers to pick up on it? well, I’m not hoping for miracles but sure, probably some of them.)

in other words? all that stuff the casual viewers were missing (not helped by misleading statements from the showrunners), about the TVA so clearly being bad guys, and Loki being a pretty decent person who presents different versions of himself in different situations and also has some shitty coping mechanisms, and the other Loki variant also not being evil just because they were trying to take down the TVA? we were right. that is, in fact, how the showrunners intended all those things to be taken. they didn’t want to come right out with that stuff at first because they wanted to tell a story and have some twists, and the fact that these things were twists for casual viewers is exactly why it was frustrating to a lot of fans, because it felt like obvious things were being misrepresented or overlooked. I still think that’s reasonable, because see above on why Marvel doesn’t necessarily deserve that trust, but at this point I’m a lot more comfortable believing that this specific show more or less knows what it’s doing.

I mean, yeah, there were some cool fan theories that went nowhere, like the whole thing with the broken TemPad, and I agree that was dumb and it’s very annoying that it really was just sloppy writing, but I guess specific things like that just...don’t bother me as much as more systemic, overarching elements like the characterization of Loki and the TVA. and yes, of course I’ll always be annoyed that we’re apparently never going to get explicit confirmation that Loki’s alliance with Thanos was coerced at best. but, you know, what we got isn’t nothing.

#loki #loki show #loki spoilers #mobius m. mobius #sylvie #marvel cinematic universe #meta #loki meta #my meta #I should add links but uh...maybe later

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inbarfink · 5 years

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I know I already made a post about the Rose Quartz-Greg Universe Backstory Parallels, but thinking about it... the fact that Greg’s backstory is just the Normal Human Earth Version of Pink Diamond’s Story is important... but it’s not the ONLY reason why Steven felt like Greg is “just like mom”. There’s also another factor here, the fact that Greg has never told him about his human family, the fact that he hid this information from him. He did that Thing Steven associates with Rose most of all, he lied.

Well, ‘hiding’ and ‘lying’ is kind of heavy words here. I don’t think Greg saw himself as lying. or hiding anything. This is - like a lot of the issues brought up to the surface in Mr. Universe - this is a communication issue created by the wide difference in the perspectives and life experiences between Steven and Greg.

Greg, in his POV, never divulged false information to Steven about his family. He never explicitly told Steven “I have always had the surname ‘Universe’, I was born with it”, or “No, you can’t visit your grandparents because..... they’re dead”, or “I did not run away from home”. He just... didn’t talk about his family a lot. He occusionally mentioned vauge stuff about his family when they subject gets brought up that foreshadowed this episode, but all in all, Greg just didn’t talk about it.

(And you can totally understand why, these Family Issues are clearly still a sore spot for Greg. I think he’s been underplaying his own emotions even all through “Mr. Universe”. PLUS, discussing them with Steven in spesifics is gonna be extra-hard cause...well... at what age do you tell your child that his grandparents never answer your letters??? Especially since Steven already has so much on his plate!)

And Greg doesn’t view that as ‘lying’ or ‘hiding’ anything, if Steven actually directly ASKED him about his family at any point in his life, he’d probably would have explained his backstory in vauge, emotionally-disconnected terms and then he would have been like “oh whatever, YOU’RE the only family I care about anymore, schtu-ball!”. He clearly didn’t treat that backstory-revealing road trip, as... like... Revealing anything previously hidden to Steven. This is also consistent with the way he feels about Rose’s secrets and falsehoods:

Rose didn’t *lie* to Greg about Not Being a Diamond, she simply did not tell Greg that she was a Diamond - and there is a difference there. Well, for Greg, at least. For him, that level of ‘secretiveness’ comes off as normal and acceptable. Because he basically grew up with the Normal Human Version of Pink Diamond’s Upbringing! Overcontrolling parents raise oversecretive children, that’s a Theme in the Show!

But I think that Steven sees less of a distinction here. Greg might have grown up until the age of 20 having to Hide Everything from his parents, but Steven grew up constantly having to deal with the emotional fallout of his various parental figures Hiding Stuff from him! Rose’s many, many secrets are the most obvious examples, but the CGs and Greg also have their fair share of it. Steven starts the show knowing almost nothing about Gemkind because the CGs and Greg (who DO know a bunch of Stuff) chose to not tell him and he had to find out a lot of the Lore in the worst possible moments.

Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and Greg never directly *lied* to Steven about the origins of the Crystal Gems, but they didn’t tell him any of the truth either and quietly allowed him to build a very inaccurate image of the situation in his head - which got knocked down one-by-one as the Gems were *forced* to tell Steven the truth. And I don’t think it would have made much of a difference for Steven if this inaccurate image was purely a result of Steven’s imagination running wild with the void of information that his parental figures chose to give him or if they directly told him false shit. The result for Steven was the same!

Either way he had to deal with Dramatic Big Revelations rather than being able to process stuff like the nature of Gemkind or Pink Diamond’s supposed shattering in a calm environment surronded by loved ones. Either way he had constantly put himself and his loved ones into dangerous situations because he has not been given enough information to know that This Is a Bad Idea. Either way he had his viewpoint shattered a million time. For Steven, who has directly experienced the very worst of this ‘sorta lying by omission’, it’s all bad and it’s lying!

And I think Steven had a similar sort of situation with the Gem-Stuff and with Greg’s family. Like, I guess it’s unclear how seriously we should take “I thought you said you grew up in a prison!”, but I can see Tiny Baby Steven hearing Greg talking about ‘sneaking past the warden’ and assuming his dad Literally Escaped From Prison and then Older Teen Steven just never really questioned that information because it’s just never got brought up a lot. At the very least Steven is VERY suprised that the DeMayos’ house is ‘beautiful’.

And we already know he’s sick of being lied too! It’s been a thing since Steven’s Dream! (at the very least!)

Steven thought he was done with all the Secrets to Supposedly Protect Him back when he found out that Rose ‘shattered’ Pink Diamond. He thought that his family was gonna share stuff with him and be open. So he was extremely mad when he thought that the Gems were keeping yet something ELSE from him (when actually Garnet was trying to avoid the confertation with Blue Diamond she kept future-visoning and Pearl was technically keeping a secret from him... but not necasserly out of her own will). And as he clearly states here, for him, the Gems were LYING to him. When they are not telling him any information, it’s the same as lying to him!

And just as I understand why Greg doesn’t like to talk about his family much, I understand why Steven feels like he’s got a right to know. If it was just Greg not telling a Friend everything about his backstory, it would have been different. But the DeMayos are Steven’s family too, doesn’t he has the right to know about them? Steven has angsted so long about Rose and what’s she like and how unknowable she is to him because he only got to know her through other people’s stories of her... maybe he doesn’t want his grandpa and grandma in this category too. He’s defos has some conflicting feelings about them now. Between being super-charmed by the decor of their house and feeling like he’d be better off raised in such a ‘normal’ situation and between his dad’s super-negative feelings about them.

And remember, “Growing Pains” has just gone over how Steven’s PTSD makes it hard for him to react to Issues in a porpotional manner. Steven has gotten yet ONE MORE THING his loved ones have ‘hidden from him’ or ‘lied about’ (even if it wasn’t Greg’s intentions), and his brain’s Emotional Reference Points are all the OTHER times where his family was keeping Shit hidden from him. Even if Greg’s backstory is technically small peanuts, Steven is processing the shock like he’s realizing the Gems are an Alien Invader race all over again. Like he heard that his mom had murdered someone for the greater good for the first time. Like he is once again seeing Rose Quartz transform into Pink Diamond.

So as far as Steven, processing his Emotions behind the wheel of that car is concered... what Greg did *feels* like what Rose has done. It at least feels equivelent in a way that I don’t think Greg really understands.

#steven universe future #steven universe #greg universe #steven quartz universe #rose quartz

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hold-me-sickfics · 4 years

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14 Days: Taehyung

Hi guys! I’m really happy to be able to post this (somehow my internet came back, and I decided to post while I have it). I hope this is alright, I had a hard time writing it because I’m back home for the weekend and it’s hard to find somewhere quiet lol. I hope you guys like it!

TW: Food, Emeto, Nightmares, Slight anxiety attacks, Bruises are mentioned, (If there are any more, let me know and I’ll add them in!)

Note: Also, I wanna give some major credit to @thatoneemokpop-02 for all their help with ideas and getting me started. I kid you not, I was entirely blank earlier and in a few texts with them, they had me ready to write! Please go check out their writing, because they’re so kind and amazing and not to mention, they have some of the most well-developed fics I have ever seen. Especially their “You’re my Yellow” fic. I love it!!! <3

Prompt: “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.” That’s Taehyung’s thought process when it comes to the other members. For the past several weeks, Taehyung has been having relatively frequent nightmares. Only these nightmares aren’t just “bad dreams.” No, they have him waking up gasping for breath, tending to an anxious stomach, and really whatever else bad can happen with nightmares. At first, he had a nightmare every week, but now it’s gotten to the point of every other night. Lack of sleep is catching up with Taehyung, causing him to really need some extra love from the other members. The only thing is, he’s too embarrassed and afraid to talk about them. Luckily for Taehyung, one of the members happens to find out on their own…

“Ladies and gentlemen, BTS!” The host gestured to the boys who were currently walking on stage.

Once the crowd quieted, the host began talking about BTS’ most recent accomplishments and asking questions to each of the members. As usual, Namjoon translated for them… mostly. BigHit had made a huge deal over them learning English and at least answering one question without Namjoon having to translate. Something about boosting their American support? The boys thought this was rather strange, considering their fans didn’t seem to care whether they spoke in Korean or not, but they did what they were told.

Taehyung watched and listened as the other boys answered their questions in perfect English, and the crowd squealed after every word they spoke. Then, it was his turn.

“Taehyung, let’s talk a little about you. A lot of fans, including myself, were absolutely stunned at your Singularity performance. How did you feel about the song? Any favorite parts in the choreography?”

Taehyung couldn’t breathe. He knew he was supposed to answer in English, but he couldn’t remember the words. Not even the first one.

He said his answer in Korean, hoping Namjoon would cover for him. Namjoon just gave him a look, seemingly saying “I’m not helping. Say what you’ve gotta say.”

Taehyung felt his blood run cold. Everyone was staring and starting to gasp… the cameraman looked worried as to whether or not to shut off the cameras and the members… they were looking at him… disappointed and somewhat angry…

Taehyung woke up unable to catch his breath. He was sweating all over, and not to mention trembling. His vision was blurry with tears.

This wasn’t the first time this had happened. He’d had a nightmare every night since Saturday (which was when their manager told them they’d be doing an English interview soon), and it was Wednesday now. He’d thought about telling the others, but he turned the idea down. He felt too embarrassed about not knowing as much English as they did, and he also knew they were exhausted and he wanted to make sure they got sleep. Or at least, as much as they could get. The boys already weren’t getting home until 11:45 every night, so when Taehyung actually could come home and go to sleep, he’d usually wake up around 2:00 with the nightmare, and wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after that. Part of this was because of his anxious stomach.

Speaking of which, Taehyung was now frantically pushing his covers off, and covering his mouth. He knew he had about 10 seconds before his late-night dinner would reappear. Luckily, he made it to the bathroom in time, and was able to kneel in front of the toilet. His knees had hit the tile hard, but he figured a couple bruises wouldn’t be as bad as having his dinner projected across the floor.

No sooner than his hands were gripping the sides of the bowl, was his dinner coming up and to the back of his throat. In one retch, he’d brought up a small stream. Followed by another, and another. Taehyung’s stomach was killing him, since he was so sore from having thrown up so much.

After what felt like an eternity, it was over. Taehyung rested his head on the rim of the toilet, and reached up with a sweaty hand to flush it.

Shakily, he stood up and looked himself in the mirror. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, then went back to his bed.

He walked slowly so he wouldn’t jostle his stomach.

Taehyung got into his bed, and pulled the covers up over himself. The warmth felt nice, being as his sweaty skin had felt like ice in the bathroom earlier. He decided to follow his normal routine after this kind of stuff happened…

“Siri, open LanguageGuru.” He whispered, his throat still sore from all the acid.

The app opened, and Taehyung spent the next two hours working on his English. Somehow, he’d gotten lucky, and at 4:30, he’d fallen back asleep. However, since they had to be up and out of the house by 6:00, he had to wake back up at 5:15.

When 5:15 came, he jolted awake, and went to the bathroom to puke again. It had just become part of the routine by now. He threw on a t-shirt and sweats, brushed his teeth, and combed his hair. Each action made his core hurt. Putting on deodorant was one of the worst parts, being as he had to put his arm up and then use his other one to put it on. Every motion felt like his insides had just been squeezed and beaten. By 5:30, he was able to head to the kitchen.

Jungkook just happened to come out of his room at the same time.

“Morning Taehyung!” Jungkook was awake… somehow.

“Morning Kook.” Taehyung’s voice was at a mere croak.

“Woah, hold on are you okay?” Jungkook gently took Taehyung’s wrist to get him to turn and look at him.

“I’m good. Just tired.” Taehyung hoped he’d believe it.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that. Tired is what Yoongi looks like right now… you look sick.” Despite popular belief, Jungkook was actually following in Jin’s footsteps as a lead caregiver for the group.

The maknae pressed the back of his hand to Taehyung’s cheek.

“You don’t have a fever… what else is wrong?”

“Nothing Kook, like I said, I’m just sorta out of it since I didn’t get much sleep.” Taehyung still allowed Jungkook to hold his wrist since for some reason, JK’s touch comforted him.

“I don’t think so.” Jungkook moved his hand from Taehyung’s wrist to Taehyung’s back. He rubbed up and down, and watched as Taehyung leaned into the touch.

“We’ve got dance practice this morning, but if you feel sick, tell me. I’ll get Namjoon hyung to let you come home. Alright?” The concern in JK’s eyes was shining.

“Thanks Kookie.” Taehyung smiled slightly, and then continued walking to the kitchen.

Jin was already rolling with cooking.

“Okay guys, we’ve got 20 minutes till we’ve gotta be in the car. I’ve made toast, and there’s bacon if you can get it away from Namjoon. Taehyung, Jungkook, what do you want to drink?” Jin was pouring “on the go” cups for each of the boys.

“Orange juice. Thanks Hyung.” Jungkook looked over at Taehyung.

“Coffee please.” Taehyung’s bags under his eyes seemed to be deeper and darker than everyone else’s.

Jungkook didn’t approve of Taehyung’s choice, being as coffee in the morning always upset his stomach, but he allowed it, hoping that it would at least make Taehyung feel less exhausted.

By the time everyone had eaten, it was time to load up and head to the studio.

The car ride was torture. Taehyung had developed a mean headache, and felt like he was gonna throw up at the first stop sign.

Jungkook had sat in the seat next to him, since he still wasn’t convinced that Taehyung was as “alright” as he said he was.

They were almost 15 minutes from BigHit when Taehyung’s stomach finally revolted. Before he even had a chance to ask for a bag, coffee and chewed up bacon and toast was spilling down his legs. Jungkook was quick to put a bag under his chin for the next round, but it didn’t come. That first one and a mean wave of post-vomiting nausea was enough for him.

Taehyung cried, and Jungkook just held him. Jungkook knew he was sick now, and he could prove it. Before he could even tell Namjoon, the leader had already stood up and looked back at them.

“Oh no,” the concern in his eyes was evident. “It’s okay Taehyung, we’ll be at BigHit in a minute and we can get you cleaned up. Jungkook, can you help him get to the showers?”

“Yeah Hyung, I’ve got him.” Jungkook was wiping the leftover vomit from Taehyung’s chin.

“Taehyung, bud, I’m sorry you feel bad.” Jin spoke up, as he came back from the front. He’d brought a water bottle out of the cooler and a paper towel.

Jungkook helped Taehyung sip the water, and Jin dabbed the sweat from the younger’s face.

“Hey, this is Namjoon…” he went on to tell their choreographer what had happened. (It was always a big deal when one of them threw up. That could mean they were catching a virus, and since their trainer worked with other groups as well, he had to be strict about that kind of thing. It was the same way a few months ago when Namjoon came down with the flu.)

A faint noise told Taehyung that they’d been given the rest of the day off, which they were all more happy about than anything.

Then, they got a second phone call.

“Oh hey um-“ Namjoon wasn’t even able to get a word in. Judging by his expression, whoever was on the other end was yelling- a lot.

“Alright. We’ll be there soon.” Namjoon hung up, and then turned to the group.

“That was the head choreographer.”

Jungkook was still holding Taehyung close. He never was one to let a little throw up bother him.

“He’s still bringing us in. Taehyung… I’m so sorry. He’s letting you take a half-hour to clean up but then you’re supposed to join us…” Namjoon knew they weren’t his own orders, but he still felt like the bad guy having to say it.

“I-I’m okay hyung.” Taehyung shivered mid-sentence. “It was just the c-coffee. My stomach didn’t like it. I’m okay.”

How he looked said otherwise, and Jungkook piped up to mention that.

“Hyung isn’t there anything we can do? We’re all exhausted but Taehyung looks like he’s gonna collapse the second he gets off.”

“I’m sorry guys… he sounded serious… I’d talk to him but it seems the only thing he’s gonna do is make practice worse if we keep bugging him.”

The car stopped, and all of the boys stood up. Hoseok had his earbuds in before, but now that he’d taken them out, Yoongi was quick to get him out of the car and explain to Hoseok what was happening before he saw it. Hoseok’s sympathy sickness was not gonna help the situation at all.

Jin and Namjoon got off as well, followed by Jimin who was headed inside to find some clothes for Taehyung to change into when he got out of the shower.

“Taehyungie, can you stand?” Jungkook sweetly placed his hand on Taehyung’s upper back.

“Yeah I’m alright.”

Taehyung stood up, and Jungkook came right behind him. Luckily, the showers were on the first floor to the left, so Jungkook and Taehyung got there quickly.

Taehyung undressed himself, and then stepped into the shower. The hot water helped to soothe his sore muscles. He used the time in the shower to calm down, and try to refocus on his main mission for the day. Staying awake.

“Hey Taehyung, I’ve got your towel out here and Jimin brought clothes and a toothbrush. I’m out here when you’re ready.”

Taehyung knew what that meant. They’d been called back, and Taehyung’s time for showering was over.

He stepped out of the shower, and Jungkook handed him the towel. He got dressed quickly, and he and JK went to the studio.

By the time they got to the studio, the choreographer had already left, and the rest of the boys were already being led by Hoseok in the routines.

“Woah woah, pause it.” Hoseok waved the music off, and everyone stopped for a moment.

“Feeling better Taehyung?” Hoseok asked, walking toward the two.

“Yeah. The coffee just got me a little. I’m alright now.”

“Okay but if you need to stop just tell me. Joon, can you hit play again?”

Namjoon hit “play” and they started practice up again. Jungkook kept a close eye on Taehyung throughout the day, wanting to make sure that he really was alright.

Rehearsal lasted until 8:30 p.m. When it was over, the boys loaded up and headed back to the apartment.

“I’m making supper for anyone that wants it.” Jin got the chicken nuggets out of the refrigerator, and started to put them in the fryer.

“I think I’m gonna go ahead and turn in.” Taehyung both dreaded sleep and longed for it. H knew he’d end up having a nightmare anyway, so he might as well get some sleep while he could.

“Alright, night Taehyungie.” All the boys said their goodnights, except Jungkook who went with him back there.

“You going to sleep early too Kookie?” Taehyung asked, his eyes already heavy.

“Yeah… hey um if you need me tonight, wake me up okay?” Jungkook gave Taehyung a tight hug.

“I will Kookie. Don’t worry. Just get some rest.”

The boys said goodnight, and Taehyung was asleep almost instantly.

---

2:00 rolled around quickly, and as usual, Taehyung woke up unable to catch his breath. He was crying, terrified once again of forgetting how to speak in their upcoming interview. He felt sweat coating his skin, and he was almost at the part where he pukes, then someone came in.

“Tae Tae, it’s okay. It’s alright. I’m here. Breathe.” Jungkook was at his side, holding him tightly. Taehyung didn’t know how he got there, but he was glad to see him.

“J-Jungkook?”

“It’s me. Taehyung, you’re shaking…” Jungkook’s eyes widened.

Taehyung felt the bile rise in his throat, and he quickly went around Jungkook and ran to the bathroom. Once again, he crashed down, and vomit spilled out of him.

Jungkook came up behind him, holding his middle.

“Just get it up Taehyung. It’s alright. I’m here with you.”

The vomiting part didn’t last as long as usual, and Taehyung attributed that to Jungkook being there. Soon, they were back in Taehyung’s room. Jungkook decided to sleep with Taehyung in case he had another nightmare, but they couldn’t sleep until Taehyung told Jungkook what had him so upset.

“It’s that interview on the 25th. I’m- I’m afraid I won’t be able to speak correctly… or at all.”

Jungkook’s eyes filled with compassion.

“How come you didn’t say anything?” Jungkook rubbed Taehyung’s arm.

“I felt embarrassed about not knowing as much as you guys, and I didn’t want anyone to be worried about me since none of us are getting any sleep anyway…”

Jungkook took Taehyung’s hand, and gently squeezed it.

“First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with this by yourself. I know it must have been scary. But now you’ve got me and everyone else. The truth is, all of us have been nervous about the interview. Or at least, I know I have. But that’s a good thing because it means maybe we can help each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ve been studying pretty hard, and I know you have too… so maybe we can study together! Then if one of us has trouble in the interview, the other once can step in and help them out.” Jungkook smiled.

Taehyung liked the idea, and agreed.

“Good. We start tomorrow.”

After that, both boys went to sleep and thankfully, slept through the night.

For the next couple weeks, they worked hard together on learning English. Namjoon got them some extra time by firing their old choreographer and hiring one that gave them more time between rehearsals so they wouldn’t burn themselves out.

By the time the interview came, Taehyung and Jungkook both aced it. Including the part where Taehyung introduced himself.

“My name is V, and I’m good boy.”

#RPF #Emeto #Nightmares #14DayFics #Taehyung!Sickfics #Caretaker!JK #TW Food #Hoping to post JK tomorrow!#Slight Anxiety Attacks #Bruises mentioned

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manjuhitorie · 3 years

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tat - Shinoda’s Hitori-Atelier blog posts - REAMP Digest volume 4

Shinoda’s blog post via Hitori-Atelier! Please consider joining Hitori-Atelier and supporting Hitorie’s ventures today. How-to here: https://boatmanju.wixsite.com/hitorietranslations/hitorie-atelier

It’s already been 3 months since REAMP was released, time really flies.

In that short bit of time we’ve already planned a tour ahead of us, and were given the opportunity to do the opening for the anime ‘86′. Let’s fucking go~~~~~ Is everyone faring well? I've recently rekindled my passion for sampling, I haven't felt like this in years. I'm taking free samples I find strewn across the internet and turning them into techno. I kinda remember mentioning my appreciation for techno in vol. 1 of this blog series, and yeah. I'm finally trying it out for myself. I've managed to make a pretty sick song if I do say so myself. You'll find it on Hitori-Atelier soon enough. (＊This is most likely the song titled 'mad candy', found in 'Shinoda's Contents') It's fun 'cause compared to vocal stuff, I use a whole different part of my brain to make techno. I say "This part of this sample has a good beat to it, I bet if I rearranged it like this it would make music~" and do it. Relatively speaking, this kinda music making matches my personality type really well. I feel like I've found a fucking good hobby for myself here. With that said, even though it’s a hobby, work is still work so the collateral damage of music-making is still vividly affecting my body. Like music is still music, and with the way I tunnel vision I'll end up at my desk for an obscene amount of hours. By the time I'm done with it physically and mentally I'm a wreck. Like the fuck do I mean by hobby, is this some kinda shitty joke Shinoda? Anyway let's talk about 'tat'. The question as to what the title means comes first. Initially I wanted to name this song "刺青(meaning tattoo)". Because the song ‘Perfume’ by ‘Eito’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MjAJSoaoSo) was a huge hit at that time so yeah.. But that idea failed ygarshy's inspection so I had no choice but to look around for a word similar to tattoo.

That was when I found photos of tattoos on Instagram with the hashtag #tat. This is it, I said. As a slang tat can mean many other things as well but I forget what they were. I'm sure you can find out if you look it up but, take note that none of it has much to do with the song itself. I considered '#tat' for the title as well, but it was too lame so I pulled back. This song was written when the album was almost finished and most songs ready: I reviewed the album as whole and felt that something was missing. I had wanted something with now tat’s tempo and mood to it to tie the album together. It turned out really well, if I may say so myself. Isn't it a great song though? I feel like all my efforts were worthwhile... It's fun to let the creative juices flow and write with whatever comes to mind. I tried to make the amount of guitar notes concise and solid. The tone was supposed to be graceful too but... ygarshy swooped in with a kick and his bass so heavy it sounds like he's blasting music from a little motorcycle. The melody too has the same makings as the hits these days. It’s about someone of the opposite sex with a bold tattoo who’s stuck in days of ennui, and me who’s gazing from afar wondering what these feelings inside me are. It’s about that sorta thing (?) - I think I managed to express it (????) The beat isn’t made to be far off from modern tuning either. I’m sure I could’ve harmonized it even better but, at the time I found good reason to make it more rock band-y, so I have no regrets. I only wish I made the song name something easier to find via search. It’s so hard to find the people talking about it... Starting with a verse and closing a song with that same verse is great, ain’t it. I’ve always liked songs with a bit of a whacky structure to them, Like November in HOWLS, it goes from verse 2 back to verse 1 then into the instrumental break. If you think it’s just any old number then prepare to be sorely mistaken - Or, that kind of fetishy stuff is important for music if you ask me. I received a fair lot of praise from people in the song-writing industry about tat, I’m happy. Though I’m not sure about the lyrics. Someone from our workplace told me that “Mushy gushy heart-wrenching lyrics would fit well”, so I sought out to do exactly that. The only problem is that my expression of mushy gushy made that person from work go “????” so making people’s heart clench is hard shit. This doesn’t leave here okay.. My dismay over the discontinuation of Chikyuu Monogatari is vented in here a bit as well. Though I don’t think Chikyuu Monogatari is boring. Not really. I saw a few people say that ‘tat’ is like the evolution of cakebox. And it makes sense to me now that y’all say it. cakebox was my solo project I did back in my mid-20’s. I made 3 mini pieces with 7 tracks and 1 EP with 4 tracks before stopping. I’m sure only like 10 people in the whole world ever listened to it. If you look it up you can still get it to listen too. Like an offering of random ass songs to my dead school life, I had a phase between my late teens and my early 20’s wherein I was obsessed with making songs using just my voice and guitar. The question of direction was beyond my consideration, I just sorta let the creative juices flow back then too and promptly set pen to paper. That was my creative process cycle. It was kinda like a diary. There’s barely any proper complete songs. The reason being that I completely lacked the skill necessary to make them proper. My guitar was alright but my singing wasn’t up to par, no one ever praised my voice at all. So I resolved that I just wasn’t cut out for it and strove to be a lead guitarist. Instead of my own songs I chose to go do band stuff, thus devoted myself to guitar. Yet still my desire to make something proper stuck with me, and so soon after that I started a band in which I did guitar and vocals. we mashed stuff together and made song proper. Alas. Between creative differences and my own lack of ability, we were barely able to make something that I was proud of. After shit happened I ended up at home immersed in making my own songs. “Surely I could put all my experiences in bands and my own growth to good use, to turn my backlog of WIPs into something proper as well?” I thought to myself, and thus was the beginning of cakebox. I think that was the first time I ever got involved in making my own music through my own power. But my way of intense creation was too innocent for listeners or something, or like I wasn’t conscious enough of my headfirst personality... So I didn’t even have the sense to match the tuning up with modernity, and ultimately my work wasn’t clicking with society’s needs. That reality was crushing me more and more with every piece I made. I didn’t have absolute confidence in myself or conviction to push through either. After 3 albums the feeling of “Why am I even doing this” grew, and I found more purpose in Hitorie instead. From then on I devoted myself to Hitorie. These past few years in Hitorie have been nothing but learning experiences for me. After years of the four of us together stressing over what makes good music, I think my own work has leveled up as well. One thing I learned that has especially stuck with me, even now, is leader’s unwavering stance on “Believing that I’m just no matter what”. For someone with my relative dispositions it’s a nigh impossible stance, and at often times I felt it was egoistic of him but... It’s what led him to create such powerful music, and it’s something we depended on greatly. The other day I gave Unhappy Refrain a full listen for the first time in a while. It’s perfect in every way, what the hell. Vocaloid as a genre was still establishing itself back then, and without a doubt this album served as a monument for the cause. The same way ‘my bloody valentine’’s ‘loveless’ was the cherry on top for the shoegazer genre. It’s made an immovable unsurpassable mark on music history. I really was in a band with a crazy person. To think that when I was in a band with him I more saw myself as the crazy amazing one. What the fuck was up my ass. I understand why felt the need for a band after making this album - why he brought us together - even more now. The obscene amount of notes in that album with a tone reeking of rock band stuff... It’s really flooded with his innocent yearning for rock music. I think the troubles he faced following Unhappy Refrain were the repercussions of him making such a huge monumental piece. But his stout core belief in himself - that he’s just - has stood equally as tall as that monument all the way. Now, after so many twists of fate.. I never thought I’d be writing AND singing my own songs for Hitorie like this. Except, one difference between the me of now VS. the me of old is that I don’t feel even a smidgen of unconfidence. I’m not worrying that I “don’t stand out” or “don’t suit societies needs” anymore. I feel like ‘tat’ might be the best song in the album (sorry ygarshy and Yumao). To the point that when people praise it I merely agree with them, “No lies detected” I say.

It’s all thanks to my time spent with Hitorie, the musical knowledge we sharpened, and the fact that my bandmates’ amazing performances have my back. If I don’t have something as big as this supporting me then I’ll just be a fucking chicken with no confidence in my music, after all. With that said, Music made by you yourself is an irreplaceable treasure, “If you made something good, then be proud”: this lesson of mindset was taught to me by Leader. It’s a really life-changing way to be so... If I mimic Leader at least this lil’ bit no one would make a bad face at me, right? What do y’all think? With that that said, the actual most pure thing that’s naturally come out of my head in years, with my actttual emotions stuffed in, is... The actttttual best song is “Utsutsu” if you ask me so. Look forward to the next entry of this blog series, y’hear me. Shinoda

#REAMP #SND REAMP Blog #Hitorie #REAMP Digest

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bubble-bones · 3 years

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Writing Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @fiadhaisteach <3 <3 <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

20... when did that happen? lmao

What’s your total AO3 word count?

Hoo boy. 841,987, apparently. That’s... more than I thought it was.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Cyberpunk 2078: The Rebel Rath - 362 The Hunt - 137 Cyberpunk 2078: The Spicy Chapters - 106 Cyberpunk 2003: The Ballad of Buck Ravers - 101 Cyberpunk 2003: Never Fade Away - 100

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I used to respond to every comment I got, I think it’s a lot of on and off and whether I have the energy to do so after posting. I read every comment still, but most of the time I just post and scurry back to the dark hole I live in lmao

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Uhhhh... I don’t really do angst? At least, I don’t like writing angst without any payoff. I’ll let my characters suffer, but I’ll fix things up by the end. I hate angst with lasting effects.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Considering I’ve actually only ever finished one long fic (The Rebel Path) I suppose that one? Though with 2003 being split into individual fics within a series, I’d say probably them considering each one so far has ended pretty nicely, but I don’t really consider them individual fics in my head given that they’re all one cohesive story.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the strangest one you’ve written?

I never have, and I honestly have never thought about it until recently. But I’m not going to talk about what it is because I’m contemplating actually writing it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Oh, yes. Multiple, the first few by anonymous people who were laughably bad and angry about... something really silly, imo (they’ve been memed on the discord since). Then I got some really unnecessary nastiness on 2003 a while back, where someone claimed to be offering “critique” - unasked for, mind you - and just tore all my characters to shreds and threw around some pretty weighty accusations which would all be disproven if they’d actually read the fic (also gave evidence that just... made no sense). It was not a good time, but I’m getting back into the groove of writing now. Sorta.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hehehehehehehe yes. 2003 began entirely from a smut prompt - it’s mostly pretty tame, imo, but I have fun with it. I’ve only ever written f/m but I’m planning on changing that soon :)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I hope not haha

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. Honestly I like having my fics in English so I can interact with my readers

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yup! A Dove’s Dance With Wolves (my beloved), one of my John Wick fics, is co-written with the lovely postmodernsleaze!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Oh boy. That’s a tough question. I’m legally obligated to say V/Johnny Silverhand, but I’m also very partial to John Wick/Helen Wick/Irina Volkava (oc hehe), f!Shep/Garrus, f!Lavellan/Solas, in no particular order.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oh, don’t say that lmao. The Hunt has been a wip for three years almost now, and I do want to go back and finish it someday. I have too much planned not too haha

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve been told I write character’s dialogue fittingly, and I have a blast writing characters (especially Johnny and V when they’re bickering). Lately I’ve also been enjoying how my scene writing and internal monologue/narration has been going. I also really obsess over my grammar lmao

What are your writing weaknesses?

I definitely let my sentences trail on a bit sometimes. Lots of commas. Also I get ideas for more fics than I can handle and jump around between hyperfixations, a lot. I have a hard time actually sitting around to writing a lot of the time. Then, when I actually do get inspired I’ll start writing, blink, and it’s suddenly 5 hours in the future and I have a finished chapter. That doesn’t sound like a problem, but it is when you forget that time exists.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Okay so I do this a lot, apparently. Often, I’ll either have the other language not even written directly, but have the character (whose pov it is) recognise that it’s not something they can understand, at least establish that the other character is talking. But if the character can understand that language (like in The Hunt with elven, or Wine, Blood or Paint / A Dove’s Dance with Wolves with Russian/Italian) the dialogue is written in italics (but English). Though that gets a little bit confusing when they’re speaking both in that language and also on the phone (I put phone dialogue in italics too) so if it’s both, I bold and italics it lmao.

As for actually writing the other language, I try to avoid it. I only speak English and a tiny bit of French, so I try not to presume like I can accurately portray other languages. Like, the furthest I’ll go with it is a noun as in like a pet name or title, or just tiny snippets of dialogue. To do that, I’ll usually use good ol’ google translate - or, if I know someone that has knowledge of that language, I’ll go to them for help! It’s not the end of the world if it’s wrong, but I’d rather it be at least a good effort.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think I might’ve wrote a tiny bit of Avatar the Last Airbender when I was a kid, but I never wrote more than a few paragraphs. After that, Naruto. I was very big into Naruto as a teenager, and yet only ever properly finished one fic? No, I’m not linking it lmao. Yes, it’s still out there on the internet. After Naruto I fell into Dragon Age and stayed there for years, only actually stopping when I started writing for Cyberpunk in December.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Ooooh that’s a tough one. That changes a lot depending on how much fun I’m having with something while writing it, honestly. I like my fics for different reasons, honestly. I think lately my favourite is When in Rome, because it’s the thing I’ve been writing most recently. I also adore my 2003 series, and yes I’m saying the whole series because I think of it as one cohesive thing. 2078 ofc because it’s the thing that got me into writing Cyberpunk and I met a lot of friends through it, but I’d definitely do it differently nowadays so the fic is more just nostalgic haha. And, ofc, The Hunt has a special place in my heart because I’ve been writing it for so long.

This was a lot of fun to do! Ty for the tag <3

Tagging @overheardatthecontinental, @k9effect, @merylisk, @bean-cup, and anyone else who’s interested!

#long post #writing tag game #my writing

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wanna-b-poet31 · 5 years

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Would I Lie to You?

It would not be inaccurate to say that Crowley lies. Alot.

In fact, while I’ve previously talked about how Aziraphale lies through his teeth, TO GOD, TO GABRIEL, and >most heartbreakingly< TO CROWLEY, Crowley is the infinitely more creative and believable liar. He has significantly fewer tells (when not stressed, like you know, after his lover best friend died), watching him seems so much more natural than the twitchy, anxious, Angel we all know and love.

He has some notable lies throughout the mini-series:

Some are minor with big consequences, like in the reports where he takes responsibility for Humanity’s misdeeds.

some are omissions, like when he deliberately He fails to tell the higher-ups in Hell about his knowledge about the Anti-Christ, the location of the Anti-Christ and neglected to correct Hell about it.

Some are a matter of self-preservation, like when he hides his intimate relationship with Aziraphale from Hell

Some are for protection. He says he wants the holy water for “insurance” and when Hastur comes after him (and threatens to go after Aziraphale), his claim comes to fruition. He, however, lies several times in an effort to protect himself and Aziraphale,(and I suppose the world) from Hastur’s wrath. You can see this most notably after Ligur’s death, which makes these lies also kinda a personal “fuck you” to Hastur, (but he’s murderous so he deserves it sorta)

And Finally, some lies are directly in an effort to save Aziraphale. Most obvious of which is when he *spoiler* Impersonates Aziraphale (An F to the U to Heaven kind of lie)

But. NEVER. Once. does. he. lie. to. Aziraphale.

Unlike the demons who he easily deceives at any given moment (particularly in defense of Aziraphale), he refuses to lie to the deceitful.

Are you Satan and have just “blessed” Crowley with the staring role in the Apocalypse? Yeah, great (lies through his teeth about wanting to partake).

Are you a Duke of Hell inquiring about where the Anti-Christ is and trying to confront Crowley about his relationship with Aziraphale? “So Longggg Suckaaas” I’m gonna lie lie lie and possibly kill you for coming towards me and Aziraphale.

Are you heaven trying to torture my best friend >lover< with hellfire that will surely kill him? Not today motherfucker, because guess what? Now I’m him and I’ll lie my ass off to protect him.

Are you an Angel who shows free will and loves humanity as much as he does? 404 Error lies not found.

This is not to say he’s always honest about his feeling with Aziraphale. God knows he has really bad communication skills. “NGK”’s and stammering aside, he has an unfortunate self-esteem issue which inhibits his confidence and ability to be fully transparent. This is to say nothing about the 1960′s “go too fast for me” interaction which does little to encourage him. And God, Satan, fuck knows he’s so desperate, to be honest about this, but so scared about being rejected, (and concerned about making Aziraphale uncomfortable, because he’d be rather walk on the consecrated ground than have Aziraphale feel pressured to go a speed he’s uncomfortable with).

Anthony J(anthony) Crowley, OR What’s In A Name?

Which, let’s talk about surprise confrontations, namely when he’s confronted about his name. Names, I think it’s fair to say, are intimate for Crowley. Not only does he have a canonic deadname, (that fuckers like Hastur continuously use despite knowing he doesn’t use that word), but he is very selective about how open he is with it. In many ways, the Nazis “out” his full name, and despite this, he is transparent, answering Aziraphale’s questions about it. This is, remember, after falling out, and (presumably) not seeing each other for almost 80 years. He is uncomfortable clearly, (although part of that is attributed both to the Nazis and the consecrated ground he’s prancing around on) but he’s still directly ready to start communicating about it.

But, despite his apprehension, I don’t think he even lies through omission. When he says the J is “just a J really”, I believe him.

Firstly, because he has no reason to lie about it at this moment and then immediately switch to honestly tell the Nazi’s that he intervened with the bombing, and is sending one directly down on them. Although he’s not believed by the Nazi’s, we (and Aziraphale) know that he’s being honest here and that his priority, above even his own safety, is protecting Aziraphale. There seems to be no reason, to me at least, then for him to code shift here.

Anthony J-“Acts of service” Crowley, is in the middle of yet another demonstration of his love. While he might be hesitant to disclose his motives (see: the few seconds of resistance when at the satanic church-turned-paintball-retreat between telling Aziraphale he replaced the paint guns with real guns and revealing no one is killing each other) but he’s in the middle of rescuing Aziraphale, his comfort is very rarely a consideration he calculates for. Choosing to lie about something so personal, and yet taken out of his control is well within his rights. No one is entitled to out him, or you, without express consent. However, it is out of character for him to do so given how much he trusts Aziraphale and needs his acceptance.

Which brings me to the second reason I believe him. Trust.

In this short exchange, he can tell when Aziraphale hears his secret name, the angel is not accusatory, or dismissive, or betrayed, or really particularly judgemental. Sure he asks “Anthony?” with an intonation denoting confusion at the revelation, and having the information conveyed not through Crowley himself (as he was with “Crowley”), but a third party, and an untrustworthy third party. But even when Crowley presses “don’t like it?”, with a trying-not-to-be-scared-at-rejection air of confidence. Except, he’s not rejected. Aziraphale responds “no, I’ll get used to it”, placing the onus of learning on himself and not on Crowley for unexpectedly choosing a first name. Demonstrating, to Crowley at least, that he can be trusted with more information, without the harsh reaction he’s come to expect from Heaven or Hell.

Look at the above GIF, and focus on the way Aziraphale asks “What does the J Stand for”. His face isn’t angry, (despite being miffed at Crowley not a full minute earlier when he suspected Crowley to be behind Nazism). He’s certainly not focused on “you’ve been hiding a name from me”, or feel entitled to know why he’s just finding out the name. Instead, he’s giving Crowley the opportunity to reveal this information on his own terms. And, effectively, removing power from the Nazis by ignoring them, and by making the conversation about Crowley’s preference. He’s giving Crowley an out here. Asking what it stands for puts the ball in Crowley’s court, not the Nazi’s, not Aziraphale’s, not Heaven or Hells, but Crowley's. He has the power to reveal as he pleases without an expectation or negative reaction. Aziraphale isn’t demanding, he’s asking permission.

Then, Aziraphale subsequently doesn’t bring it up again. Not that night, not 20 years later, not as Nanny, and not at the Apocalypse. He only calls Crowley by his preferred names, and we never see him pressure Crowley to reveal the rationale. The ball is, still, in Crowley’s court.

Whenever Aziraphale asks a question, no matter how light-hearted or serious, he will always give an honest answer, even if it sometimes goes over the angel’s head. >see: Crowley being a blubbering mess because his best friend died and Aziraphale not quite understanding that the best friend is him<

The Final Solution

I think a perfect example of his complicated, but raw, honesty towards Aziraphale specifically, is his request for holy water.

So this is a tense interaction, and arguably really abrupt given both Aziraphale’s surprise and the two friendly interactions we’d seen beforehand. However, never once during this whole request does Crowley lie. Sure, he’s being cryptic, trying to speak in code “because the trees have ears”, but when he says it’s for insurance, not a suicide pill, it is for insurance.

He, more than anyone else, can tell that his relationship with Aziraphale has morphed in such a way over the thousands of years that he knows exposure would put him and, more importantly, put Aziraphale, in danger. We don’t see much of Hell, but we can deduce that if Hell ever found out about it --if it all goes pear-shaped -- they would be subjected to horrific consequences, possibly torture, probably holly water.

Aziraphale, simply, does not believe him that his only motivation is protection because it is too close to his own fears about Crowley being destroyed.

Which is why I think Crowley’s so upset about the word “fraternize”. First, there is a class element involved with the Victorian use of the word (usually referring to someone of a higher class interacting friendly to a lower class member). Where Aziraphale may have meant comradery (and brotherhood, which also not how Crowley views their relationship) Crowley certainly acts as if he took it to mean Aziraphale was speaking to him like an enemy or an “inferior” species.

This is only further supported by Aziraphale’s accusatory “we may have both started out as Angels, but YOU are fallen”, placing (in my opinion) too much emphasis on Crowley’s fall (a huge retraumatizing trigger for him). But this whole characterization of their relationship is a lie Aziraphale tells himself to repress his fears about Heaven’s traumatic treatment of him. By this point in their partnership (as we’ve seen) both he and Crowley go out of their ways to treat each other as equals.

To deny it, to repress their feeling is a slap. in. the. face.

Further, the audience for lying clearly matters to Crowley. In the relative privacy of the park, Aziraphale says “fraternize”, which doesn’t do enough justice for the kind of intimacy the uniquely share. It implies they could be enemies or strangers (which they aren’t, they’re at least friends). Crowley is so intimately aware that even now, in the 1800′s, it’s them (and humanity) against divinity. And, Crowley refuses to lie to Aziraphale, especially about the sort of relationship they share. Sure he won’t tell the other demons, and sure as hell won’t tell the angels how deep their relationship goes, but in this private moment, where he’s approaching as a partner (not an adversary)? It would be the worst kind of lie. It would ignore or erase the new space they’ve created for themselves where they can be equals.

In the above gif, we see Crowley angry and lash out. He says harsh words and insists that he doesn’t need Aziraphale.

Since we’re counting, I don’t think this is a lie. Now, no, it is untrue, he clearly does need Aziraphale in his life, but he’s just been smacked in the face with the insinuation that they are not equals, they are not friends, they are enemies, and I believe him at this moment, a very hurt Crowley, decides if that’s how Aziraphale is going to treat him, then Crowley will treat him like he treats everyone else in his life. He doesn’t need them. He doesn’t need God, even though he talks to her; he doesn’t need Hell or Beelzebub, even though he curtsies to them; he doesn’t need Heaven, even though he will endure them for his Angel. So, clearly, if Aziraphale is going to ask to be treated like everyone else, he will.

At the moment he says I think he means it. Crowley cannot nor, given how everyone else in the series treats him, should not make time for someone who won’t take his concerns seriously. If Aziraphale is going to act as if he thinks so little of their relationship, then he doesn’t need Aziraphale in his life. Essentially, If he can’t be seen as an equal, he’d prefer not to be seen at all.

A Queer Little Lie

Although, this is a temporary truth, and one Crowley is more than willing to correct because he cares about Aziraphale in a way he never does for his hellish counterparts. Crowley cares too deeply to wish Aziraphale any real harm, even if Aziraphale can’t call a spade a spade. Crowley knows that he’s being lied to. He knows that Aziraphale is as afraid of repercussions as he is. He also knows that Aziraphale is not “out” in the same way he is.

Although that’s a post for a different day, you can certainly read Crowley and Aziraphale as being different kinds of queer. Crowley is the outed queer, abandoned, kicked out of his home, and really never given the choice to come out of the closet. Like his name, it was done for him. Aziraphale, in contrast, is the closeted queer who either knows his family will reject him, so he does his best passing, or he has been conditioned his whole life to believe being out in the way Crowley is wrong. He knows that his “family” who is supposed to unconditionally love him, will reject him, and so he has developed the protection of lying. It gives him a sense of safety and control over his situation, letting him (albeit unhealthily) cope. He’s afraid to take that jump over the edge.

So, to protect himself and Crowley, Aziraphale lies.

Knowing this doesn’t mean Aziraphale isn’t hurting Crowley. He is.

But, Crowley understands both the fear and pain that comes with the rejection and is doing his best to provide the support that is being denied. He sure as Hell would move heaven and earth to demonstrate the extent of his love and commitment to Aziraphale in a way that Heaven never does. Where Heaven and Hell lie and gaslight and hurt Azira, Crowley meets him with kindness, even in the face of these lies.

He shows as much in his rescue in 1941, and again when Aziraphale once again lies and says “we’re not friends…I don’t even like you” in the bandstand. These lies actively hurt Crowley but not once does he retaliate with. Instead, he meets Aziraphale with blunt honesty. Saying “yes you do” doing everything he can to get Aziraphale on the same page, and share their truth.

Look at the above gifs. Not only does Crowley KNOW Aziraphale is lying, but Aziraphale knows it too. While he clearly loves Crowley and has loved Crowley for some time, his inability to work through his anxieties and rely on Crowley as a support system, as a partner, he can’t come to terms with his own trauma.

So, Aziraphale lies.

He lies and he hurts Crowley. He lies and he dismisses Crowley’s honesty. He lies and he harms himself because they both know this is a facade he can’t keep up much longer. He lies, because everything else in his life is unstable, and he’s desperately trying to cling to the stability Heaven claims to provide. And, Crowley still meets him with honesty and forgiveness.

And honestly, it breaks his heart (and mine) to belied to so damn much. Under normal circumstances, Crowley could be patient. He could wait for Aziraphale to come to terms with their relationship almost for forever. But, shit hits the fan, and he needs to show Aziraphale that two of them need to stop dancing, stop being cryptic, and cut through the bullshit for once.

Which brings me to the first Gif of this meta. Take a moment, scroll the ridiculous amount up, and just look at the indignation on his face. in the earlier gif “Would I lie to you?”,

He clearly consciously makes a point to never lie to Aziraphale, despite it supposedly being “the demon’s way”. Not in anger (like at the bandstand) not even if it’s uncomfortable (like when he’s criticizing Aziraphale for being so clever and so stupid), not even if the angel is (knowingly or unknowingly) hurting him with his lies.

Crowley draws the line at tainting his relationship with the kind of lies Heaven tells, and the kind of disregard Hell tells. Because despite the lies he’s told by Aziraphale, Crowley knows who he can trust, who he needs on his side, who he wants to spend the end of the world with, and it sure as hell isn’t Hastur or Beelzebub.

Because at the end of the day, Crowley knows what the two of them share together. One great way to see this comparison is to checkout @theladyzephyr ‘s meta on Crowley and his glasses. Because while he does let his guard down for Aziraphale (even if only drunk), his autonomy, his consent to be himself is constantly being taken from him. His name, his glasses, his support system (including Aziraphale), and everything he loves is taken from him.

Aziraphale, for all his lies, does not cross the most sacred of personal boundaries as Hell does. He genuinely cares for Crowley even if he’s scared, and when the chips are down he will pick Crowley, pick humanity, and pick their side. He shows remorse for his actions and is clearly just as hurt by his own lies as Crowley is.

More importantly, he comes back. He joins Crowley, and helps support Crowley, and does his best to empower our demon to heal.

TLDR: Crowley refuses to lie to Aziraphale. Many Hearts are broken. Aziraphale does his best. Someone give Crowley a Hug.

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk!

@aardvark-crowley

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bobasheebaby · 4 years

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Amy Farrah Fowler Prompts

1 “I gave you one job! Keep an eye on him/her. How hard is that?”

2 “Thank you for understanding.” “Of course I understand. NAME, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just. I want you to know you don't have to say it back. I know you're not ready and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates —“ “I love you, too.” “You said it.”

3 “NAME does not get lucky.” “You and me both, brother.”

4 “Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock knock joke that starts ‘Knock Knock Knock, NAME. Knock Knock Knock, NAME. Knock Knock Knock, NAME’?”

5 “It's too late. He's/She’s been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic NAME murder mystery dinner.” “I'm leaving.”

6 [knocks three times] NAME 1, NAME 2, NAME 3. [repeats three times] “He's/She’s never going to stop doing that, is he/she?” “I don't mind. I'm hoping to put his/her love of repetition to good use someday.”

7 “Do I really force you to do things you don't want to?” “Yeah, but it's okay.” “How is it okay?” “I promised myself if I ever got friends I'd do whatever they said. Really, I'm lucky you found me before a cult did.”

8 “You are aware that your ritualistic knocking behavior is symptomatic of obsessive-compulsive disorder?” “Is not. Is not. Is not.” “Denial. Denial. Denial.”

9 “What is your problem?” “It's Valentine's day. We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend.” “Oh, really? 'cause I remember you saying this trip was going to be something we could both enjoy. Did you mean that or were you just trying to trick me?” “Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen.”

10 “Well, wait. What if, just this once, we suspend the date night parameters and you stay later?” “Well, as long as we're suspending the parameters. I could stay really late and we could have our first sleepover.” “That's a big step.” “It's a big fort.”

11 “NAME, that was beautiful.” “If you didn't press record —“ “I pressed it!”

12 “Hi, NAME.” “Hello.” “Are you feeling any better?” “Physically, yes, but I'm upset because everyone's mad at me for no good reason.” “Why don't you tell me what happened, and in a gentle, loving way, I'll explain to you why you're wrong.”

13 “How's your life?” “Like everybody else's, subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking.”

14 “Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Which brings me to our next order of business.” [Kisses them] “Fascinating.” “I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did.” [Runs to bathroom and vomits]

15 “You know, its a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey.” “You want to spank me?”

16 “I don't have (Valentine's) plans, which is why I booked time on the big telescope that night.” “An evening looking at the stars, that's still kinda romantic.” “Except I'd be alone.” “I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig here. Work with me.”

17 “I have a sorta kinda boyfriend/girlfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.”

18 “You better watch that attitude, buddy. You're dating the popular boy/girl now.”

19 “I'll let you in on a little secret. Originally, we were painted nude. But I had him add clothes cause I thought it was an unnecessary challenge to our heterosexuality.” “Yeah, good call.” “But, if you ever change your mind, all it would take is some warm, soapy water and a couple of sponges.” “You're talking about the painting, right?” “Sure.”

20 “NAME 1, I think you might find the support you're looking for if you realize relationships are a give and take. He/She can only be there for you as much as you are for him/her.” “Thank you, NAME 3.” “And NAME 2, you need to be patient with NAME 1 and stop pressuring him/her into accepting intimacy on your terms.” “You should probably go.”

21 “You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.” “Little early for alcohol, isn't it?” [On the radio] “You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel.” [Yodelling] “I'll get the vodka.”

22 “And action.” “And cut! You realize I'm doing this for free, right?” “Yes, and so far we're still not getting our money's worth.”

23 “Stop it! Today is not about you, it's about NAME and NAME, and me!”

24 “Where are the kids?” “Oh, NAME’s helping NAME give them a bath.” “Hmm. So you really think you can trick NAME into liking babies?” “I slept with him/her. I married him/her. You want to bet against me?”

25 “Coming. Yup, that's good. Wine glasses should have handles.” [Answers the door] “Keeping accurate track of your alcohol intake. Smart idea considering how trampy you get when you've had a few.” “You heard what I did?” “I heard who you did.”

26 “I don't want five dollars, I want my dignity.” “So, what are we talking, like ten bucks?”

27 “Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink.” “No more than NAME.” “That's what I'm saying.”

28 “How could you do that?” “I'm sorry, but you know what it's like when you're with your man/woman and one thing leads to another.” “I do know what that's like. I really do.”

29 “Is that book called ‘Lies I tell to get sex’?” “Is that a real book? I would totally read that book.” “Can I borrow it when you're done?”

30 “Then I met NAME and look at where we are now.” “You've kissed like once in three years.” “That's true. Do whatever you want.”

31 “Are you sure your moth-like personality won't be drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?” “More and more sure.”

32 “Your husband's weird and his clothes are ridiculous.”

33 “Did he/she say she didn't like you?” “Of course not. Nobody ever says they don't like you straight to your face.” “Heh, we have led different lives!”

34 “You know there was a time when I was alone and had no friends. I'm starting to miss that.”

35 “You're acting odd. Why?” “I'm odd all the time. Everyone knows that. Just last night, I tried to see how many Fava beans I could fit in my mouth.” “Tell me the truth.” “28.” “Come on.” “56.”

36 “Uh-oh.” “What?” “I left the food out.” “You afraid it's gonna go good?”

37 “You know how, when you're sick, you're allowed to be cranky and say whatever you want and other people's feelings don't matter?” “Ooh. Gentle and loving. This is gonna be tricky.”

38 “Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?” “I can honestly say NAME.” “Aww, then I choose a janitor, because I'm about to throw up.”

39 “Please pass the butter!”

40 “Why can't there just be one week each month for famous people to die?” “Well, they've already arranged to die in threes. What more do you want from them?”

41 “I miss this.” “How can you miss a game you've never played before, silly?” “I guess sometimes I'm silly.”

42 “You don't know what it's like to feel completely frustrated. To have a desire build up within you and be denied any opportunity for release.” “Yeah, sounds like a drag.”

43 “Look, I know this is your wedding, and you can do whatever you want, but if you think anyone but me is gonna be your maid of honor, then you're an idiot because you are my best friend.” “Too late, NAM—” [pushes person b out of the way, rushes to hug persona a] “Bestie!”

44 “You and I never hang out like this. Why is that?” “I know, it's weird, right?” “Yeah, we should do it more often.” “Oh, no. I mean this is weird right now.”

45 “It actually was kinda fun.” “You're just saying that.” “Yeah.”

46 “If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?” “Okay, if you are going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.”

47 “I made your favorite oatmeal — plain.”

48 “Hi, NAME. What's new?” “Our friends are jerks, and I'm mad at all of them.” “I said, ‘What's new?’ but sure.”

49 “FYI, I had a donut for breakfast, you jerk.”

50 “Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.” “I can hear your face talking, so we're even.”

#amy farrah fowler #big bang theory quotes #big bang theory prompts #writing prompts #dialogue prompts #i live in covid 19 hell #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy

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lesbiangenkai · 5 years

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i kick a hornets nest, or: some kurahi thoughts

kurahi is one of those ships i have sort of drifted around and sort of avoided partially through no fault of its own and mostly due to some really bad takes and lots of bad content relating to it but there’s still something about this ship thats kind of interesting to me because its actually really fascinating in how the characters are very similar, can relate to each other and do have chemistry but also there is a very weird disconnect between them throughout the series where they feel like they are simultaneously two people who’ve known each other for a while but actually don’t seem to know each other very well at all, or are for some reason unwilling to know each other deeply.

the two shots story where they first meet is really telling because they become friends based on their emotional connections - not because of power or convenience. hiei only asks kurama his name after he makes maya forget him, because despite wanting emotional connection he feels it’s better if he remains unknown to her. and hiei obviously sees a parallel of himself and how he feels about telling yukina who he is - he cares but also thinks himself unworthy of emotional connection. i think both characters understand this about each other (with kurama maybe being more emotionally aware than hiei at the start, obviously). however this makes his betrayal of hiei at the start of the series seem even more callous. after knowing hiei for a year, and even knowing hiei has someone he cares for, kurama ditches him without much thought and later actively sabotages his plans for yusuke without even trying to vouch for him. i think his decision makes sense - yusuke helped save his mother, hiei is being an ass, and this is still a kurama not fully down with the idea of teamwork or trusting people, but it does suggest a distance you wouldn’t expect from two people who have known each other for that long. and i think it’s that kind of interaction that continues throughout the series that always throws me off about these two. i’m actually never really sure what i’m supposed to feel about their relationship.

in chapter black there’s a specific scene that always stands out to me, the scene where they’re trying to get hiei to come to the mansion to save yusuke. hiei is throwing out his usual attitude of ‘whats in it for me’ even though at this point, the audience has caught on that it’s mostly transparent and he does care to help. however instead of just letting hiei have his tantrum and trusting him to do the right thing (it is yusuke after all, as if hiei would let anything happen to him) kurama tries to (unsuccessfully) manipulate him into going. it’s not malicious, and again, his choice here makes sense, but this interaction doesn’t speak of two people who intimately trust each other. kurama comes off as cold, even. it’s just really jarring especially when the anime adds a bunch of light hearted banter between them, im assuming to let the pair ride along on subtext but it just makes moments like this really awkward.

& honestly i think leaning into the awkwardness of them actually dating would be kinda funny but ultimately pretty boring and unsatisfying because it’s sorta like a staring contest where neither person wants to blink first. i think i’ve said before i imagine a date between these two to be them in a room where they are each just doing their own thing and not speaking to each other which can be fine to a point but eventually i just have a million questions like does hiei, who is known to communicate emotionally through physicality/violence (see: the fights w yusuke and mukuro) have the patience to deal with kurama wanting to talk about his guilt for 6 hours or would he be like ‘well let’s just fight in the woods for 20 minutes and you’ll feel better, idiot’. at some point hiei would have to relent and be vulnerable despite fearing rejection and kurama’s going to have to submit to the mortifying idea of Being Known but it’s hard when one person is hiding under layers of pride and ego to avoid that rejection and the other is too busy also hiding under several carefully constructed masks because they think they don’t deserve affection. either one of them could be capable of making the first step but that can only happen if one person is open to receiving the olive branch and...neither comes off as willing to do that, at least during the series. i think it’s actually more interesting as a complete mess like this, where they both make missteps and the relationship ultimately doesn’t work out but the first steps towards actively trying to be in one are explored. i’d actually say it fits in better with the narrative like this given how the series ends rather than the ship just sort of. being there and existing without examining all this stuff.

really that’s the most frustrating thing to me about this pairing because, despite a lot of this pairing gaining popularity on its subtext, i think it ultimately works against it when there’s so many things that you’d like to see addressed in...actual text. how would they work through their emotional issues? the closest we see is when kurama kills amanuma, hiei basically tells yusuke to leave kurama be and he’ll sort himself out - although its revealed not five minutes later kurama is actually not sorted out, he’s devastated, and is just sitting on layers of guilt he needs to talk about. you don’t get to see if hiei’s just trying to help kurama save face, if he buys into kurama’s stoic facade, or if he realizes how kurama feels but just prefers not to pry. (ffs itsuki of all people gets a monologue about kurama’s emotional state after all that and not hiei. ITSUKI.) how would they deal with their living situations? these are two characters not even willing to live in the same world as each other, and even a situation where hiei is frequenting the human world there’s a very big difference between hanging around when he feels like it and being committed to playing house the way kurama wants to. and i'm ngl, it doesnt seem very likely that hiei would be ready or willing to do that.

at the end of the day i know its all just very lackluster because togashi doesn’t seem to give a shit about actually writing romance and his reaction to this pairing when someone brought it up was just as lackluster “oh yeah i guess i could’ve done that oh well”. and the anime threw everyone a bone but didn’t really commit but it’s still interesting to think about and fic exploring these hurdles could be interesting for sure (and i mean like...actually dealing with them not ‘well kurama’s waiting for his mom to die to bounce this solves everything’) but i also sort of just think of them just being okay as like...two dummies who maybe tried to make this happen and it just didn’t, and now hiei’s just the ex that shows up at kurama’s occasionally to sneer at his choice in neckties.

#yyh #meta #text

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alive-and-afraid · 5 years

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AHWM All endings!!

WARNING SPOILERS FOR A HEIST WITH MARKIPLIER!!!

And you said it would take a week to get through all the endings!!! HA!! One day baby!! also I REMEMBER THE JOKE MARK!!!

A Heist with Markiplier 1.Guns Blazing, Car, Try to fix, I don't trust strangers. Stupid, you didn't run off with the guy who couldn't not be your newfound crush, so in turn....you were crushed....poetic is it not? Ending 1: Clever Girl. 2.Guns Blazing, Car, Try to fix, An adventure sounds lovely,Don't give the statue. You looked into the monkeys eyes and went feral. Congratulations, you just killed the guy you undoubtebly fell in love with. Ending 2: Monkey see, Monkey kill. 3.Guns Blazing, Car, Try to fix, An adventure sounds lovely,Give the statue. You put the statue on the plinth and are both teleported to monkey heaven. When you get back Illinoi walks off suavely. Oh and you now have a third arm and the power to break a rock with a single sneeze. By the way don't feel too bad, everyone falls in love with him eventually.Ending 3 :A heavenly adventure. 4.Guns Blazing, Car, Walk to base,Tell the Truth. You turned into a Zombie...but hey you found some great friends that you wouldn't of found otherwise....Ending 4: Friends 4 Unlife. 5.Guns Blazing, Car, Walk to base, I'm Fine!, The Scientist,ABSOLUTELY NOT!! You escape Ro's plan but then turned to a zombie and ate your only friend in the wasteland...Mark...Ending 5:The coward's way out. 6.Guns Blazing, Car, Walk to base, I'm Fine!!, The scientist, For the Greater Good. Ro shoots the box and kills off all the alternet timelines leaving us just with the original. We get sent back to the front of the museum and don't remember what we were there for.....Ending 6:The End. 7.Guns Blazing, Car, Walk to base, I'm Fine!!, The Soldier, I'm Hiding Something. You show your bite to Ed, he appreciates you being truthful......doesn't stop him from shooting you in the face though....Ending 7:What did you expect? 8.Guns Blazing, Car, Walk to base, I'm Fine!!, The Soldier,Ed's Hiding Something, Tuna. That tuna sandwich ended up having the cure to zombification in it..who would've thought it...Because you were now immunized you were eventually able to meet up with some scientists and craft a cure. The world goes back to normal.Ending 8: The Cure. 9.Guns Blazing, Car, Walk to base, I'm Fine!!, The Soldier,Ed's Hiding Something,PB&J. The PB&J sandwich made your zombie form a lot less agressive, and because you were after all still a zombie you could vouch for Mark to the other zombies, and since you weren't that aggressive Mark vouched for you to the humans. All the remaining survivors ended up forming a community, where you and Mark lived semi-happily ever after. Ending 9:Friends of the Dead 10.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Rally the prisoners, prison life for me. You shank someone so you can stay in prison for the rest of your life. Youse gonna fit right in. Ending 10: Life Sentence. 11.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Rally the prisoners, I want to be free,Thanks but no thanks. Its a dance off. By refusing Yancy's offer of assistence you offended him. He challenged you to a dance off...and won.....by alot...Ending 11:Dance to the Death 12.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Rally the prisoners, I want to be free,thanks and also yes please. You got out of jail with the help of Yancy..... don't forget visitations every third sunday...Ending 12:I want to be free 13.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the Guards, Dig Dig Dig, Whats in the box. You open the box to find a real life,honest to god fairy....who won't shut up (it kind of reminds me of some other fairy who doesn't shut up...*cough* *cough* Navi) the fairy is so loud it alerts the guard who figures out you were trying to escape and locks you both in solitary........Ending 13: Shut up! 14.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the guards, Whats that?, Oh HELL no!, Whats in the box? A fairy is in the box!! cause why the hell not!! The fairy is very loud and alerts the guards which gets you put in solitary...in a straight jacket. Ending 14:Be quiet! 15.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the Guards, Dig Dig Dig, Stick to the plan, Open the box. You re-wind time to stop the bullets Bob has shot at you....you end up back at the start of the heist...before you've even gone in the museum...Ending 15: Time is on our side. 16.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the guards, Whats that?, Oh HELL no!, Stick to the plan,Open the box. You open the box and it does some weird shit and you end up with WILFORD?!!? Apparantly for an interview?!......Oh wow this is really meta. Ending 16: The Interveiw. 17.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the guards, dig dig dig, stick to the plan, Shoot Bob. You shoot Bob only to find that he was Wade, Mark leans down to hear Wade's final words...then Bob comes up behind him and pulls your mask off.......you look in the mirror only to find....you're Wade? Ending 17: It was me the whole time. 18.Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the guards, Whats that?, Oh HELL no!, Stick to the plan, Shoot Wade. Wubba turns out to be Wade who betrays Mark but then is actually Bob?, who was saving Mark?! Bob is about to say something important but gets inturrupted by Wade firing his gun he tells you to "take off your mask, partner" and does it for you. When your mask is off he hands you a mirror and you see......you're actually Bob?! Ending 18: It was my joke. 19. Guns Blazing, Helicopter, Charm the Guards, What's that?, This seems safe. I mean it's an enigma for a reason right? No explanation for this one. Ending 19:The enigma of Happy trails penitentiary. 20.All Sneaky Like, Light Tunnel, Wait for rescue. I know everything. Mark got hit by an anchor last step so he's gone. "Oh" Pirate Mark says "you do do ya?!"Heheehehe" "Well for one so knowledgable ye ain't none to bright, you see I knew ya friend, oh yes I knew, your the type of person who wants to steal me treasure" "Oh, no one, no one , steals my treasure, ta ta!" We are now in the cannon.......we are now dead. Ending 20:I believe I can fly. 21.All Sneaky Like, Light tunnel, Wait for rescue, I know nothing, Golden Treasure.A man leads you to a cave with a pit, he says to Arrghiplier (Pirate Mark) "Is there anything in this world that you value more than treasure?" Arrghiplier takes that to mean that he has to sacrifice you to get the treasure. Pirate Mark drops you in the pit to gain his gold. Ending 21: In the soulstone. 22.All Sneaky Like, Light tunnel, Wait for rescue,I know nothing,Treasured gold. You find the right treasure and stay with the pirates for the rest of your days.Ending 22:A pirates life for me. 23.All Sneaky Like, Light tunnel, Row home, Build a sign.You get captured by aliens and your memory is wiped. Ending 23: Not again... 24.All Sneaky Like, Light Tunnel, Row home, Find Shelter, Enter the Cave,You first. You think Mark is in trouble and try to save him by pressing a button on a contraption you pulled out of the box you stole from the museum....instead it calls an orbital lazar strike to your position...You, Mark and even SavagePat are all killed in the blast. Ending 24: Imma firin' my lazarrr! 25.All Sneaky Like, Light tunnel, Row home,Find a shelter, Enter the cave, Me first. We stay in the cave with SavagePat for the rest of our lives. Ending 25: Dont judge a book by it's human-skin cover. 26.All Sneaky Like, Light tunnel, Row home, Find a shelter, RUN AWAY. You run away from SavagePat and fall straight into the ocean...and then get eaten by a shark...Ending 26:Freash Meat 27. All Sneaky Like, Dark tunnel, split up at first opportunity. ADWM Mark gets eaten by a crocodile. Ending 27:When will you learn? 28. All Sneaky Like, Dark tunnel, split up on second choice to do so. ADWM Mark gets eaten by a weird worm thing and so do you.Ending 28: Are you serious? 29.All Sneaky like, Dark tunnel, Split up the fourth time you are given the option. ADWM Mark tells us to look after Chica then says "Goodbye my friend" and falls putting his hands into a love heart on the way down. Fire explodes when he hits the groung and the fire comes up to meet us, and we somehow get exploded into a field full of flowers. We walk onto a road and hear sirens and car horns. Ending 29:One last split up. 30. All Sneaky Like, Dark tunnel, Don't split up ever. We end up back in the beginning waiting to meet Heist Mark. ADWM Mark says that he can't do this anymore and he's over it, he goes home to take a nap.Ending 30: Once more with feeling. 31. All Sneaky Like, Dark Tunnel, Split up on third option to do so. ADWM Mark disappeares and drops his flashlight. We somehow end up in this brick school-like hallway witha bunh of doors and a painting of the Chef with black lines where the eyes should be, on the wall, acommpanied by the sound of the Chef talking to us from WKM all around you. You get a text message from a unknown number: "Aren't you tired of it?" A potrait of the butler is next with the same blacked out eyes, and echoes of him talking to us from WKM. Text from the same number: "Don't you feel like you're running in circles?" Painting of Abe (the Detective). Echoes from WKM,or it could be from Wilford "Motherloving" Warfstache I suppose. Blacked out eyes, you get the deal. Text, same number: "No one seems to question it." Painting of the Colonel, blacked out eyes, and a pink mustache drawn on to it. Echoes of the Colonel from WKM. Text from same number: "But I thought you'd see through it." You go through the door at the end of the hall (I assume, it's another whip cut so you can't really tell.) there is a painting of Pink robe Mark from WKM ( Is that one Asshole Mark?) With echoes of him talking from WKM. The painting starts crumbling and peeling.A Dark(?) laugh, Dark(?) starts talking: " Same snake(?), different skin." "Always spinning yarns(?), his webs,-" View pans to someone in a white suit with his hair pulled to our right (his left). He is sorta grey like dark. (Dark has a new look?) it's him thats been talking. He is surrounded in red and blue and has eyeliner on. He continues; "-his lies." (glitch) "I alway thought that you were trapped (glitch) in his games, perpetually plunging (glitch) down a rabbit hole of stories(?), helpless, lost (glitch) I know the feeling. Perhaps (glitch) I'm the crazy one." "Perhaps (glitch) we've met a hundred (glitch) times already, and you simply don't remember it." "Perhaps you were tired of me repeating myself over,( there are multiple of him now) and over again. and over and over AND OVER AGAIN!" (he's just full out glitching all over the place now.). We come to a white table with a wine glass on it. " Maybe you just missed my pretty face (glitch, and his eyes are red) (he stands up taller) it doesn't matter...people like you, you want one thing (big screamy glitch) and it's disgusting." (glitch) "You want answers?" ( he picks up the wine glass) "Well, games were always his.. (glitch) (he goes to take a drink) (glitch) (glitch)..forte." (drink) "But allow me this one moment of self-indulgence." (he puts down the glass). We teleport to what seems to be an office. The is a certificate on the desk he is sitting on that has the word Warden on it. He is holding the box we stole from the museum. There is a small man on the bottom left of the screen. "So much trouble (he is looking at the box)...for something so small. ( he glitches into the office chair on the opposite side of the desk to us.) (he is almost smiling?) "Do you really want to know whats inside this box?" (he sets it down, it has weird gold flecks coming off it) "The truth not the lies he's told you...(glitch) but the truth." (glitch) "I know how much you- (glitch, he is laying on the desk now) love a good game...so,through out this...heist I've hidden codes,"- (glitch. The words Ignorance is bliss, show up on the screen. And then a question mark shows up.) "-so codes...find them all and you'll get your truth."(glitch,glitch,glitch) "but thats all I'm gonna give you." Camera zooms out. The certificate says: Warden of the X. We are back to the front of the museum. Ending 31: Ignorance is bliss.

#markiplier #markipliergame #ahwm spoilers #ahwm #ahwmallendings

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tempestshakes01 · 5 years

Text

3-2-20

My subconscious did something extremely embarrassing.

I had...I had a dream.

And, you’re like, “Miranda, we all have sex dreams. It’s okay,” but then I let you know this wasn’t a sex dream. That’s normal. This dream was like a weird fanfic-y/Alexander Payne type of movie featuring, well, the cast of the B*n Appet*t Test Kitchen and me. But not me! I was obviously the POV character, but I wasn’t Miranda. You’ll see why later.

I told you it’s terrible!

Actually, no, an interesting story wove through this dream and I want to write it all down for posterity.

Here we go:

The first thing I remember is standing in line at a New York grocery check out (also sort of the Super1 by my house in Spokane), putting my massive amount of ingredients on the conveyor belt. The BA cast ran the grocery store, and Chris stood as the checker while Sohla bagged. We all chatted gamely. Carla came around as manager to check up on me, and that’s when I noticed that Chris and Sohla stopped working and instead created a delicious little portabello mushroom, tomato, and pesto creation. We all laughed. Ha ha ha.

[I think I forgot what happened next. I met Claire on the subway?]

Next thing I know I’m at a resort that also a cruise ship, but not really. (Like a glitch.) The BA people invited me (for whatever reason) to join them on their all-expense-paid work trip where we were given the task to review all the restaurants and amenities. I remember steering clear of Molly because she seemed to not like me. She lounged with Andy and Christina, but Christina walked over to me, very open and friendly, and we talked for a little. Claire came and she was a total delight. The clearest and intelligent person ever. None of the anxiety that plagues her on her show, lol. She pulled over Brad to explain something, and then Chris popped up as well.

The dinner party is in full swing. We’re in an Italian/natural style restaurant with dim lighting reflecting on the natural stone texture of the limestone walls, like a we’re in a cave.

Brad and I are talking and laughing. We both have very youthful energy, and he asks me if we should go to the club later (like how cruise ships have “clubs”), and I tell him, of course! I’m kind of drunk and thrilled. New friend!

My mood dampens when I’m shoved into one of those rounded restaurant booths right next to Molly. She purses her lips at me in what’s supposed to be a smile, and I feel anxious. The food arrives. We’re pressed together. The rest of the party is smushed into the table as well, but Molly and I seem particularly on top of each other.

But then...we start talking. Very slowly she opens up and a lovely Molly personality comes out. We start to giggle over oysters.

Okay, then more “scene” occurs, but I don’t really remember any of them. It’s more about the resort/cruise. Like, we go to the spa or something. More bonding.

Then, it’s the next morning.

We've seated in a galley a four-person table. Molly, Christina, Chris and I. Molly and Christina get up to grab seconds, while Chris looks like he’s mulling over something before saying, “Fuck it,” and drops a quarter, a key, and his wedding ring in front of my plate. He gets up and just leaves.

I stare at the little pile in total confusion. I just don’t get it. I grab the stuff because I’m thinking he’ll probably want it later?

Cut to a yoga class. We’re in a desert studio hybrid room with the sun setting in the back and reflected in the front panel of mirrors. It’s gorgeous. It’s the next afternoon, but I don’t know it yet. It’s full. We’re all jam-packed together with Brad on my left. Chris is one row up and to the right of me. We’re doing our best, but some people (us) are just sorta goofing off. We go from a downward-facing dog into some twist, but Brad falls over and half onto my mat. He’s saying something to me that I don’t recall, but I just remember a warm feeling flooding my body, like love or fondness, and he’s golden retriever cute.

I hear Chris and he’s looking at us with a genuine smile on his face, and he says, “Okay. Okay, I get it,” but once again I’m totally confused.

The scene changes to what I suddenly know is the night before. I’m walking in a courtyard with Brad. It’s great. We’re lit up by the moon. It’s blue. We come to a fountain and in the fountain is a small stalagmite formation, underwater, and something is stuck on it. I dip my into the water and yank on a piece of metal until it slides of stalagmite. It’s silver on the outside, rusty red on the inside, and it’s a ring. Brad pulls it from my hands and looks at it with a small smile.

He mutters that he thought he lost it. It’s his wedding ring and there are three notches he added to silver. He shows them to me, digging his fingernail into the crevices, and he adds that they’re for his family. A notch for his wife and kids.

And I’m nodding along, thinking this is all very sweet, when all of a sudden he backs away from me and pulls off his hat, saying, “I can’t do this anymore,” and sits on the edge of the fountain. And I realize that we like each other and we’ve just left the club. It’s a really lovely moment, I promise, and the whole entire reason I wanted to write this out--wanted to write it out the moment I woke actually, but I was late for work--and now I can’t even remember his little speech, but it was something out of a dramedy and poignant and it made me fall in love with him because he loved his family so much.

He tells me he likes me, but he’s not that kind of guy, and I ask him, “No?” while walking in between his legs and pressing my lips to his neck, not really a kiss because I’m just teasing him and I really, really like him. He says, “No.” And I ask again, “No?” and he’s like, “Please, no.” And we both laugh. I ask for a hug and he says that’s not a good idea, and so I “kiss” him again on the chin, and I grab his hat asking, “Can I at least put this back on?” and he says yes to that was a melancholy grin and I situate his goobalini make on his head with fond tugs, stroking his face before I take a step back from his space, and we walk back toward the resort.

So then I’m back in the yoga class, and it’s instantly clear to me what all the Chris stuff meant. He gave me the ring to let me know he was open to that, and then when he saw Brad and I in class the next day, knew I didn’t feel the same.

And that’s pretty much it.

So in end, it really was an Alexander Payne (Sideways, The Descendants)or Jason Reitman (Up in the Air, Juno) type of movie, like...to a T...but with the people from BA..........whom I never thought about in such ways at all............and that’s why I say it wasn’t really me in the POV......because she was too cool and chill.........................and I don’t want it to be me.

#miranda this is your life

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vaxreed · 5 years

Note

27 Hankvin

Thank you so much for being patient!!! I hope this is what you were thinking of!

Hankvin + Meeting at a Support Group AU

Tw: mentions of past alcoholism and topics surrounding it and the recovery. There’s a lot of inaccuracies but I did quite of bit of research to make it appropriate for fanfic and for the sake of their romance. Shout out to Church and Monica from the HankVin discord with helping me find sources and information.

Feel free to send me more prompts if you’re okay with it taking 30 years

|| Ao3 LINK ||

+++

“Hi, my name’s Gavin, and I’ve been clean for 5 years.”

Murmured greetings washed over the small circle. Hank was here for the first time after hitting rock bottom. Connor had pleaded him to get clean after he found him on the floor, pale and a bullet hole a few inches away from his head in the wall.

Connor was patient with this process and took up all his work while he was in rehab. Getting sober was probably the most difficult thing he’s gone through, aside from Cole’s death, which he is still recovering him. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever feel free from the deep emptiness he has in his chest. That boy was everything to him, and he was ripped away from him. There was no escape except at the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Now, he was in this twelve-step program. He didn’t think they worked, but he had promised Connor he would try. It made him feel like he was weak for needing help like this. It was sad to see so many young people here who were taken by the bottle so young.

The man who was currently speaking seemed about 20 years his junior. He heard him say he was clean for 3 years; it seems like this program kept a tight community that had members from all lengths of sobriety. It also told him that he would be struggle with the itch to drink his sorrows for his entire life.

“I’m gonna cut the bullshit. It’s never easy, but it gets easier. I can go through the liquor aisle and not stop.” After the man finished speaking the group leader asked if anyone else would like to share.

“We seem to have a new member. You don’t have to tell us anything you don’t want to, but if we can put a name to the face.” the group leader smiled at him and Hank felt the eyes on him.

He felt intense steely gaze of the man who just spoke on him; he felt his fingers fidget.

“Yeah, um, my name’s Hank. I’ve been clean for 3 weeks now.” and people murmured greetings and congratulations. His eyes found it hard to leave the battered stranger. Gavin was it?

“I recommend the new people of our group find a sponsor. There’s an old saying ‘Stick with the winners’ we have plenty of people here who have been at this a long time in their journey you should consider.” they left with goals they wanted to complete and took a coffee break.

The stranger kept eyeing him. Hank had about enough. He strode up to him, paper coffee cup in hand.

“Somethin’ wrong with your eyes?” trying hard to suppress the hostility in his voice.

[mobile readers, beware the read more line]

The man didn’t look phased at his aggression, like he’s numb to it at this point. His eyes instead lit up with curiosity.

“I’ve seen you before.”

Hank stiffened at this. This was supposed to anonymous which was supposed to bring him comfort at not being recognized.

“Calm down, I don’t actually know you, as in we’ve never met. I’m Detective Reed.” giving him a half wave.

A detective? Detective Reed. Hmm he’s heard that name before. Never actually met the man but he’s come up before at the station.

“We’ve spoken on the phone. About the red ice case, you were handling it on the Chicago side.” Finally remembering his voice and the hinted Chicago lilt he had in the words he spoke. His voice held a faint growl that Hank found himself drawn to. He heard it while he spoke during the meeting.

“Yeah, that’s me. You’re kinda famous even on our side.” he reminds him of how grand he used to be. Hank feels a pit of shame of how far he’s fallen.

“Been keepin’ up on your current cases too. Pretty impressive. Enough ass kissin’. Not my style.” If Hank didn’t know any better, he thinks this guy has a bit of hero worship. He realizes in this room they are nothing but people who want nothing more but help and to be clean.

“Yeah? What brings you here?” He almost regrets asking the way Gavin’s eyes avert his.

“Well, guess you could say it’s the same reason I’m goin’ to these meetings.”

Hank nodded in understanding knowing full what he meant. Fowler had tried everything to get through to him. Jumped through hoops to make sure he had a job. He owed everything to Connor and Fowler. Reed, it seems, was given a transfer to Detroit.

He gave the man another once over. Strong jaw, face covered in faint and not-so-faint scars. Lips tantalizing him for a bite and eyes that oozed defiance.

Gavin smirked as he noticed Hank’s gaze and asked. “Wanna grab a coffee after this?”

Hank felt hot under Gavin’s knowing eyes. His self hadn’t been this good in while. This guy was young and attractive and was giving him some signals. Or perhaps he was reading it wrong and this is how he typically acted. Perhaps he just enjoyed the presence of another cop in this place and wanted to be his sponsor.

“What’s wrong with the coffee here?”

Gavin snorted, “It tastes like it was dipped in ass.”

Hank’s lips curled in amusement and nods as he motions Gavin to lead the way. They left in the middle of meeting; he doesn’t know how much Connor would appreciate knowing he left with the troublemaker of the group. He wondered if coffee really meant coffee. He forced the thoughts out. He was here for help not a booty call. He wouldn’t risk his recovery for anything.

It turns out it was just coffee. Gavin took him to this little hole in the wall place 3 blocks away from the AA building. They sat in a booth in the back, watching as Gavin grumbled a greeting to the waitress.

They sat across one another in silence, seemingly forgetting how to have and hold a conversation. Hank felt the need to fill the silence with something, but Gavin simply sipped his coffee and looked out the window.

“First meeting can be sorta rough, figured you could use a break outside of it.” finally breaking the silence continuing to look out the window.

Hank was taken back by the casual thoughtfulness of the idea. It had been hard being surrounded with that many people and so many of them had been sober longer than he could ever hope. It was overwhelming.

Hank didn’t say anything for a moment.

“You lookin’ to be my sponsor or somethin’?”

Gavin scoffed.

“I’m grateful as hell for my sponsor, she did everything she could to keep me from relapsing.” Gavin took a sip of his coffee and looked at Hank.

“I relapsed once. She found me in my apartment covered in my own puke. Cleaned me up, made me coffee and screamed her lungs out at me.” he laughs at the memory.

“Everyone’s been treating me like glass like any little thing would make me relapse.” Hank understood this very well. He knows Connor means well, and he appreciates his effort, but sometimes he could be overprotective and overbearing.

“But she didn’t. She gave me that tough love I needed.”

“Did you two…” his words heavy with insinuation, Gavin threw his head back and laughed, Hank felt his stomach flip.

“Nah, we’re both too gay for that shit.” once he finished laughing.

“Someone ever tell you you talk a lot?”

“If I had a dime every time someone told me to shut the fuck up…” he joked.

“I’m tellin’ ya to get to the point.”

“I’m tellin’ you I’m not gonna be a nurturing type sponsor. If you’re looking for me to hold your hand, then you should look for someone else.”

Gavin takes another sip of his coffee; Hank watches him with curiosity eager to hear what he has to say next.

“You’re a cop, right? It makes it harder. I know what that’s like. I won’t be nice, but I’ll be there for you. No bullshitting around.”

“That’s the kind of thing I need. I don’t need overbearing or hand holding.”

Gavin smirked. “Well, then got yourself a sponsor.”

The next few weren’t easy, but being Gavin made it bearable. He was right, he wasn’t nice. He was an abrasive arrogant asshole.

But he was there when he needed him. He always picked up the phone at 2 a.m when he was thinking about going to the nearest liquor store and losing himself. Gavin was good at distracting him by starting up arguments about which baseball team was better. Chicago’s or Detroit.

Hank tells him, “You guys have two teams and still suck ass.” Hearing the feigned offended gasp from Gavin never ceases to make him smile. He looks forward to it.

Hank would always get heated from Gavin knowing which buttons to press. By the time 4 A.M rolled around Hank almost forgot that he woke up in a cold sweat 2 hours earlier with the urge to drink.

They hung out every other day and would see each other at meetings. Before he would dread the meetings only because going there reminded him of far he had fallen. He’s told Gavin this and he watched as his face scrunched up in anger.

“You dumbass. Being there means you’re alive and you’re making your life better for yourself. It’s not failure it’s a God damn success. Every meeting is a fucking achievement.”

The dread turned to excitement. It meant he’d get to see Gavin again. The younger man usually walks in later than he did and would give Hank a quick nod while making a beeline for the coffee. He watches him as he takes the first sip and make a face of disgust. He’s never surprised to see him continue to drink it anyway.

After the meeting they would get lunch and chat about what had happened since they last saw each other. Hank wasn’t a particularly chatty person, but with Gavin it was different.

He remembers talking to Connor about him as they have yet to meet. Connor watched him with wariness.

“Hank…please don’t take this the wrong way.” He starts.

“Spit it out, Connor.”

“Are your feelings for Gavin starting to deviate into something inappropriate.” Hank choked on his coffee, coughing as he felt the liquid go down the wrong pipe. The idea of him and Gavin? They’ve only known each other for 9 months. But it’s honestly the happiest he’s felt since…well. Cole. He’d never be that happy again. But this was close.

Hank was silent after he coughed trying to clear the coffee from his airways.

“What the hell, Connor?” his mouth went dry, the way Connor was looking at him made his fingers twitch.

“If I’m wrong, I apologize.” he said after a moment. Connor wasn’t wrong when it came to picking up on things. Hank hadn’t noticed feelings growing inside him.

He hadn’t noticed the way his eyes would linger on his lips as he spoke. Or how his shaky hands felts so still when Gavin playfully clasped him on the shoulder. How he looked forward to hearing the grogginess in his voice when he calls him at 2 in the morning. The butterflies in his stomach he tried to suppress every time he would see his little arrogant smirk.

“I don’t…know what I’m feelin’.” after thinking about it for a moment.

Connor blinked in surprise at Hank’s honesty. The program and Gavin must have made him a bit more in touch with his feelings.

“Maybe you should tell Gavin.” Connor suggested.

—-That brought them back at the coffee shop for one of their weekly updates. It was mostly just to talk about the game from the previous night, but for Hank he wanted to say something more.

Gavin seemed to have notice the tension in the air. He didn’t say anything. Let Hank have the first say clear the air with whatever he wanted to get off his chest.

After a few minutes of silence, it seems Gavin’s small amount of patience ran out.

“Spit it out already? Did you relapse? Cuz you know that’s okay that’s what I’m here for.” Gavin’s face is determined, and he slides his hand on the table. Hank sees his hand begin to try and reach for his but in the last second plants his palm flat on the table.

Hank resists the urge to reach out but stopped himself too. Instead shaking his head in response.

“No, it’s something else…”

Gavin’s face hinted relief and transitioned concern. His face flashed a certain hardness to it.

“Guess I know what it is. Wanna change sponsors? I get it. It’s fine. Don’t worry you gotta do the best thing for your recovery. I’m not the most nurturing guy or anything and I’m not exactly that fun to hang out with but—”

“Will you shut up for a second?” Hank feeling a hint of annoyance but also wanted to soothe Gavin of his insecurities.

Gavin shut his mouth forehead crease his face confused but willing to listen to what Hank had to say.

“Not to kiss your ass, but you’re a great sponsor. I haven’t been close to relapsin’ since meeting you. You’ve done more for me than I expected. You’re there for me and you’re not as big of an asshole as you let people know. I don’t know we’ve only known each other a few months but….” the look in Hank’s eye said everything he didn’t say and everything he felt.

Gavin stared at him, eyes blown open, mouth hanging slightly ajar. Hank waited expectantly for Gavin to process everything.

“I… have to go.”

Gavin took some bills from his pocket leaving it on the table and leaving without another word.

Hank felt his insides crumble.

—-Connor kept an extra eye on Hank after that. Hank didn’t relapse, just felt empty. Empty at home. At the station. Only 3 days had passed, and he’s heard nothing from Gavin. The alcohol called to him, but he keeps on thinking on the disappointed look on Gavin’s face. It was hard to resist, and Connor was like a hawk, trying to get anything to drink would be nearly impossible.

He shouldn’t have said anything. It was too fast. It was inappropriate. Gavin wanted to help with his recovery and Hank made it complicated with feelings. You weren’t supposed to fall for your sponsor. He ruined everything. A good friend, someone he cared for deeply, chased off by his feelings.

—-

‘Meet me at the diner. Regular time.’

The message from Gavin sent Hank in a spiral of emotions. Gavin was speaking to him again after what felt like forever. What if it was to tell him they could no longer spend time together? Part of him didn’t want to go in fear of rejection. He was fully prepared for Gavin to look at him with a mixture of pity and disgust and tell him to never contact him again.

Before he could decide he was already in his car. Hours had passed and he was on his way to their diner. He spotted Gavin’s car. The man was never early to anything and so being here before he was added to the intensity of the situation.

His stomach is in knots as he hears the familiar bell chime when he enters the diner. There are a few people there already, Gavin sticks out among the rest. His entrance catches Gavin’s attention, the man looks up from his coffee, Hank averted his gaze and found the clock on the wall more interesting than Gavin’s stupidly pretty eyes.

He made it to their regular booth and sat down. The waitress poured Hank some coffee and left them to talk.

Silence was the first noticeable thing. Hank’s mouth dried up not knowing what to say. Anything he wanted to say die upon seeing Gavin.

“I’m sorry.” was the first thing Gavin said finally putting the deafening silence to an end.

Hank doesn’t know what to do with this statement. Sorry for not texting? Sorry for leaving so suddenly last time? Sorry for not reciprocating his feelings?

“For what?” He brings himself to say, voice trying not to crack under the strain of the tension between them.

Gavin runs a hand through the locks of his hair letting out a sigh and eyes starting at his coffee and landing on Hank.

“I don’t know…shit…I’m fuckin’…I don’t do this shit often. I’m sorry for bailing the other day. For not texting. It probably kinda fucked you up. 'Specially after you told me—”

“It’s fine, we all fuck up. You’re here now. Listen, you don’t have to say anything. You don’t feel the same way I get that.”

Gavin’s eyes widen.

“The fuck are you talkin’ about?” a confused look on his face appearance in the lines on his face.

“You’re my sponsor. You’re supposed to support me. Talk to me on the phone. Meet me up to check my progress. I misinterpreted that shit as feelings. I don’t know why a guy like you could ever love, hell, even like a guy like me. Fucked up as I am.”

Gavin’s expression grew increasingly more furious with each degrading thing Hank said about himself until Gavin slaps a hand on the table. It wasn’t loud enough to make Hank jump but to stop his rambling.

“Cut that shit out. You don’t know jackshit about how I feel about you or this situation. Sponsors aren’t supposed to talk to you for hours. They sure as hell aren’t supposed to meet for coffee 3 times a week. They aren’t supposed to think about what shade of blue your eyes are.”

Hank looks at him in hint of disbelief.

“What I’m sayin’ is, I feel the same fucking way. I left cuz I didn’t want you to get dragged down by my issues. Your recovery is the most important and I didn’t know if hanging around me would fuck you up.”

Hank continued listening, each word seemingly replacing the years alcohol had taken from his lifespan.

“I had to talk to my sponsor. She told me to stop being an idiot.” he chuckled at remembering her words. Gavin’s hand moved onto Hank’s. He moved over the table and pressing his lips against the older man’s, letting his lips tell Hank how much he means to him. Hank kisses back once the shock has died down, squeezing his hand in return.

It was everything Hank had hoped for. Gavin’s soft lips and tongue tasted of coffee, cigarettes, and sweet pastries. He could feel the stubble pleasantly scratch against his face. They parted ways once they remembered they were in a public space. Hank’s cheeks pinked by the experience.

“I can’t be your sponsor anymore.” Gavin said with a small smile. The words were soft, but Hank felt sadden at the fact Gavin would no longer hold that title.

“But that just means I can take you out.” Hank replies.

“It means you can fuck me into a mattress now, yeah.” Gavin’s eyes sparked with something Hank can’t quite place.

Hank scoffs, “Who says I’m doin’ the fucking?”

“Always knew you were a pillow princess.” Hank throws his head back and laughs, squeezing Gavin’s calloused hands again, never wanting to let go.

Their forgotten untouched coffee going cold as they continue to talk freely, without the restraints of sponsorship.

#hankvin #hank anderson #gavin reed #hankgav #dbh #detroit become human #au #mentions of past alcoholism #recovery #my shit #ficlet #hope you like it!!!!#ask

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