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hawkeyetrained · 1 year

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SAM!

Sam Winchester x Fem!reader

Other Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Jodie (mentioned), Donna (mentioned)

Warnings: kidnapping, blood, wounds, cannon level violence, might have missed something

Summary: She was tasked with a food run while the boys did research. Someone from the boys past comes back and causes issues

Word Count: 2,203

~~~~~~~~~~

I had been tasked with a food run while the boys continued to research on the latest case we picked up. We were all fairly certain it was a demon, but we just wanted to be thorough. As I was putting the food in the truck of the Impala, Dean had been so generous to lend me, I felt hands wrap around my mouth and something hard crash into my head. Before I knew what was happening, everything went black.

A shrill ringing woke me up, god knows how long after. My phone sat on a table a few feet away from me, the screen lit up and the ringtone cutting through the cold, silent air. I blinked a few times to clear the fuzziness from my head before reaching over to answer my phone, my hands not moving too much. My eyes glanced above my head to see thick rope wrapped tightly around my wrists, already digging into the skin. I could faintly make out the name on my phone, Sam.

A door slammed from somewhere above my head, telling me that I was in the basement of a building, most likely a house. I quickly scanned my surroundings, looking for anything that could help rid my wrists of the rope and get me the hell out of here. Thunks sounded on the stairs, footsteps coming all the way down before I was able to even wiggle my wrists free. “Ahh, you’re awake.” A younger man around twenty said, his dark brown hair slicked back with a black jacket over his shoulders. “I was starting to think you’d never get up.”

“What the hell do you want? Who are you?” He didn’t respond to me. Instead, his fingers wrapped around some rope and he pulled, stringing my hands high above my head with the toes of my shoes barely brushing the floor. I let out a loud groan at the rope digging further into my skin. “What do you want from me?”

The man smiled sadistically. “I want the Winchesters to hurt.” His fingers tightened around the rope connected to me. “They took everything from me, and now, I’m going to take everything from them.”

I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Years ago, those boys were hunting a demon, a demon possessing my baby sister.” My heart clenched, this was personal, and personal was dangerous. “They didn’t even try to save her. She was tortured, for hours, before they killed her. I was chained up, watching them. They had the nerve to apologize to me after.”

I pulled against the rope around my wrists as best I could. “I’m sorry. I really am, but what do you need me for? I wasn’t there.”

That smirk flashed across his face again. “You know where they are.”

___

Three hours later, I had a bruise forming under my right eye, a split lip, and cuts across my chest, arms, and legs, the blood staining my clothes and dripping onto my white shoes and the floor. I now had almost twenty missed calls from Sam, Dean, and Cas. Jodi and Donna had even tried texting me, but my bloody wrists proved that I couldn’t get to my phone. “Seems like your boys are really worried about you. If you tell me where they are, I’ll take you to them.”

I took a deep, painful breath and glared at him. “Go to hell.” My ribs screamed in pain as I took deep breaths, trying to stand on my toes to relieve some of the pain in my wrists.

“Where are they!” He yelled, sliding the blade of his knife down my thigh. I bit into the fabric of my shirt, muffling the pain filled scream trying to leave my lips. Another shrill ringing interrupted the cutting of my skin, and I was grateful for it. “Looks like it’s your boyfriend again. Should we talk to Sammy?” He sauntered over to my cell and hit the accept button.

“Hello?” Sam’s voice was scared as it came through the speaker, calling out my name.

“Sam!” My voice screamed for him before I even thought of it, earning myself a slap across my face. The pain brought tears to my eyes, no doubt making my mascara run down my cheeks with the salty water.

I could faintly make out shuffling on the phone and I figured it was Sam putting us on speaker so Dean could hear. “Winchester?” The man said lowly, making himself sound more terrifying.

“Put her on the phone, right now.” Sam demanded, the Impala doors shutting in the background, I was grateful they found it because Dean would surely kill me if I had lost his baby.

“Come get your girl, she won’t last much longer.” The knife was held half an inch from my neck.

“Let me talk to her right now, or I swear to god I’m going to kill you.” Sam’s voice had dropped to a dangerously deep octave, threatening the man.

A smile crossed the man’s face yet again. “You better get here quickly then, she may not be around to see that happen.” With that, he hung up and threw my phone against the stone wall, effectively shattering it.

My heart pounded as the man got closer and closer to me with that knife of his. “Just let me go. Cut me down and leave. The boys will never know who it was, they’ll never know. I won’t say anything.” I had never begged for my life before, and I never thought I would. In the world of hunting, there wasn’t always the time if your life was on the line, and right now, mine was. “Please.” I was running out of fight; my eyes were getting harder to keep open and I knew I had already lost a lot of blood.

“Hold on till the Winchesters get here. I want them to see this, like I did.” He stepped back from me then, allowing the life to slowly drain from my body as we waited for Sam and Dean to get here.

At the moment I thought I would black out; the familiar rumble of the Impala engine filled the silence in the house. My breathing picked up and my eyes frantically scanned the room, hoping to be able to warn my boys before I was killed, or they were. The man in front of me pulled a gun from his pants and stepped behind my body, holing the knife to my neck and the gun towards the stairs. “Call for him.”

“Babe?” Sam yelled through the main floor of the house.

“Call out for us!” Came from Dean, fear evident in both their voices.

The knife was pressed closer to my throat. “Sam! Dean!” I called out, hoping they couldn’t come charging down the stairs.

Soon enough, their heavy boots stomped down the stairs. They rounded the corner, their guns raised until they noticed me and my position. “You ok?” Dean spoke first, his eyes locking with mine for a moment.

I nodded quickly, the knife pressing harder to my skin. Tears cut through my makeup and mixed with my blood. “Sammy?” My voice was cracked and broken, I was close to giving up.

“You’re going to be ok, sweetheart. I promise.” He was calm and collected as both he and Dean stepped closer. “Let her go, you have us now. You don’t need her.”

“Drop it. Both of you.” Both Winchesters held their guns up and placed them on the ground in front of them. “Kick them away.” The man waved his gun towards the stairs for the guns. “You remember me?”

Dean and Sam both shared a look with each other. “Have we ever met?” Dean asked, his hands in the air as to not set the man off.

I could feel the man stiffen behind me, anger radiating from his body. “You killed my baby sister. Didn’t even try to save her! She was just a kid! And you did nothing!” His voice was rising in anger and the gun shook a bit in his hands.

Sam stepped a bit closer, his hands still held high and his eyes glued to mine. “I’m so sorry we didn’t save your little sister. I know the pain of losing your sibling, and it’s not something that feels good. Please, don’t hurt her. She wasn’t even around when that happened. You let her go, and keep me, ok? She needs a doctor, or she’s going to die, and then you will.”

“We don’t wanna hurt you.” Dean helped. “Let her go.”

The man hesitated before dropping the gun and pulling the knife away from my skin and stepping back. Sam rushed over, his hands holding the sides of my face. “You’re gonna be ok. We’re gonna get you out of here.” Dean had began trying to untie my wrists while Sam kept my eyes open, talking to me. “Keep you eyes open, honey. Come on, look at me.”

Just as I felt the rope loosen, Dean dropped like a ton of bricks. “Dean?” I mumbled, gaining Sam’s attention. Sam stepped around me and I turned my head just enough to see what was going on. Sam and the man were fighting, the gun tucked into the man’s pants. “Dean, you need to get up.” I muttered, nudging his shoulder with my bloody shoe. Dean finally got up and began to help untie me again, just as a loud gunshot went off and both Sam and the man dropped to the floor, neither moving. “SAM!” My voice was high pitched and shrill as I screamed, my hands pulling at the rope yet again and it felt like all the air in my lungs was ripped out. “Sam! Get up!” Dean stepped away from me and rushed over to his brother, pushing him onto his back.

“I’m good.” I could hear Sam talking. “Blood’s not mine.” Sam got to his feet, quickly coming to my side and wrapped an arm around my hips and heaving me up to take the weight off my wrists. His other hand went up to fully untie me, letting my arms collapse around his shoulders. “I got you, you’re gonna be just fine.” He gently lifted me up into his arms and carried me out of the house. “You gotta keep your eyes open. Keep looking at me.” Dean rushed out of the house and got into the driver’s seat, while Sam sat us in the back. “Come on, honey, keep those eyes open. Dean we gotta get her to Cas, now.”

“I’m going as fast as I can.”

My vision became blurry and I tried my hardest to focus on Sam, keep my eyes open. The black was too inviting though, I couldn’t feel all the pain when the black was filling my vision. And before I knew it, I was out, just like before.

___

Soft blankets were tucked around me when I woke up. I blinked a few times to get the tiredness out then I sat up. It took a moment, but I was finally able to realize that I was back in the bunker, in the room I shared with Sam. “Sam?” I called softly, hoping I wasn’t dreaming and still hanging in the basement of the house.

My door opened quickly, Sam stepping in. “Thank god.” He mumbled as he rushed over to me, engulfing my body in a large hug. “I was so worried about you. I’m so sorry about everything.”

I wrapped my arms tightly around him, tucking my head into his neck and breathing in his scent that instantly made me calm, running my fingers through his long hair. “I thought you’d never find me.” He hugged onto me tighter, a few drops of his tears falling onto my skin. “I love you, so much. Thank you, Sammy.”

“I am never going to let that happen to you, ever again. I promise you that. I felt like I couldn’t breathe when you were gone.” He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “I love you so much.”

A soft knock sounded on my door, Dean and Cas both poking their heads in. I gave them both a soft smile and waved them in. Sam scooted to sit behind me, his legs on either side of my body and his back against the headboard. “Glad to see you awake.” Dean commented, sitting on the bed with Cas on the other side.

“Thank you for coming to get me, Dean.” I leaned back against Sam’s chest, his arm wrapping around my middle and a kiss being pressed to my head. “And you Cas, thank you for healing me.”

“I am just glad you are home, safe.” Cas smiled at me, his eyes growing soft at how Sam and I were sat together.

“I can tell you one thing.” Sam spoke. “You’re never going on a food run by yourself again. Never.” I cracked a smile and both boys in front of me laughed a bit, telling me what we would all be ok, that they would always keep an eye on me.

@thetallassgirl

#sam winchester imagine #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #supernatural #supernatural imagine

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scripted-downfall · 1 year

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Season 11 anon, with a quick second thought because I ran out of room in my last ask. Sam was very adamant about saving Len and scolds Dean for thinking that they might have to kill Len saying “we can’t kill him yet, he hasn’t done anything” as if given their history with the soulless Dean’s not on the right track. Especially as Sam hasn’t spoken to him. Dean seemed to be being realistic about, given the situation, they might have to stop Len and in their history that includes killing. Vs Sam, possibly motivated by the guilt of this being his fault, has this idealistic or impractical approach as Amara ate the soul so there is no saving or fixing in that situation. The fact that Sam is being framed as the “voice of reason” and Dean as willing to just blast away, I guess I’m not happy with that word choice but here we are, feels like a huge step backwards in terms of character growth because over that past ten seasons Dean has been becoming more empathetic to “good” monsters (his MoC days excluded) while Sam has been becoming less sympathetic perhaps in general not just towards those who aren’t human.

Hello again :) This is, naturally, going to be a bit shorter, since this was just a follow up ask; hope that’s okay! I get what you’re saying about the situation, and I agree. Sam is very — as you put it — idealistic (which, imo, stems from the fact that his “goodness” comes from his morals, as we’ve defined them, and not from his values), whereas Dean is realistic verging on, tbh, cynical.

Frankly, while I think that Sam’s we can’t kill anyone unless it’s the last possible alternative is noble, he also takes it too far. I also agree that Sam is pretty consistently viewed as “the voice of reason” in contrast to Dean’s trigger-happy-ness (yes, that’s definitely a word, shhhh) and that’s aggravating too. Given that the brothers are perched squarely on the divide between right and wrong, the fact that he’s stating absolutes like that (we never kill anyone unless it’s the last alternative) and abiding by it in all contexts isn’t good. He should be a bit more adaptable to the situation, because what’s right in one context might not be right in others. (Like, for example, the statement that “killing is bad.” It’s true, generally, but self-defense — despite having the same result of loss-of-life — is usually considered not-bad.) The context is what changes the acceptability or not of an action, whereas Sam tends to take one point and apply it in all situations, regardless of what’s going on, and, given the nature of their fictional universe, that luxury isn’t always present. Take the contagion in the earlier eps we discussed: yeah, it was possible — and, indeed, it happened to shake out well — that he could have found a cure. But was it likely? No. Additionally, as you and I have discussed, he might well have gotten people killed in the meantime. In that context, it turns into a trolley problem — whether to exchange one lives for many, or, perhaps more accurately, when to make that exchange — instead of a situation befitting Sam’s one-size-fits-all don’t kill unless absolutely necessary mentality (because, technically, in these situations, there’s always another alternative: letting the trolley smash through five people instead of taking out the driver). The same is true of soullessness, where they’re but in the dilemma of to take out the person (and possibly harm an innocent who was never going to go dark side) or not to take out the person (and possibly let them harm other innocents before they can be stopped).

I do agree that the showrunners/writers/et al. did make Dean a bit more… ruthless? maybe? in this episode — judging from my vague recollections of the episode, as well as the transcript online — relative to his seasons-long arc, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, it is a bit of a too-sharp step back; on the other, he did just come off of being in a situation (i.e. having the MOC) in which he was in a vaguely similar position to the people in question. Because he had the Mark, he’s experienced the sensation of trying to do the right thing and not necessarily being able to/being corrupted by the supernatural side of himself, so it kinda makes sense that he wouldn’t want to trust that Len would be able to resist his soullessness. Especially since he knows how Sam and the others reacted to being soulless. It’s kind of an “I couldn’t do it, Sam couldn’t do it, and all these other people couldn’t do it; it’s naive to assume that he’ll be able to do it” situation. (And all this is pointedly not helped by the fact that he’s Sam’s exact opposite. Sam is “neutral”, but trying to be “good”; Dean is “good”, but thinks he’s not. So Sam has this idealistic view of “oh, Len’s a good person, he can fight this, he’ll be fine” because he wants it to be true and Dean is looking at the situation from more of an “oh, come on, he’s a good person but he’s not gonna be able to resist it any more than you were, he doesn’t deserve to die because he hasn’t hurt anyone yet but we can’t take that chance, so, I, the resident Bad Person, shall deal with it” mindset.) Anyway, that was a long way of saying: I think Dean shouldn’t have been portrayed as ruthlessly as he was, but it also does make some sense that he’d be more ruthless than before. If that makes sense?

Thank you for the ask, and I hope that made sense :)

#answered asks #scripted downfall asks answered #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #anti sam #anti sam winchester #be shocked #since i’ve never had any anti sam leanings whatsoever (*ignores thirty-plus anti sam posts on my blog*) none at all #sam stans dni #<<< also shocking i’m sure #season 11 anon

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ababycoffeecollectionfan-blog · 9 months

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Supernatural

I’m rewatching SPN for the convention in a few months, and I think the show would have been better if Dean was canon bisexual since season 1. Like, Sam knew but John didn’t. Dean liked going on hunts with Sam because he didn’t have to be in the closet. Sam didn’t understand why Dean hadn’t left their dad, who was outwardly homophonic. Dean would make jokes to Sam about how he has a better type in men than Sam, or things like that. When Sam goes on his thing about how he was meant to be a killer, Dean would be like “And I was me g to be straight, but I still fuck guys” or when Sam was upset that Dean sold his soul, Dean would joke “I’m gay, Sammy. I was already going to go to hell.” In season 2, Dean and Andy (The guy with the mind control powers) would have totally slept together. When people would assume that Dean and Sam were a couple, Dean would reply “I am so out of his league.” And explain they were siblings, and that Sam was straight. Dean could have had a scene when he came out to Bobby. Crowley and Dean would have had a canon sextual relationship instead of just subtextual.

Don’t get me started on Castile. After they first meet him, Bobby making fun of Dean for how smitten he was with Castile. Later, Dean kissing Cas during the day they all think they are gonna die. Dean blaming it on being drunk and Cas not understanding why Dean would like him. Sam knowing the truth. After Sam was brought back, and Cas said they have a more profound bond, Dean blushing and leaving the room. Sam asking Cas if he has feelings for Dean. Cas being confused, and Sam talking to him about romantic attraction.

Cas working with Crowley being all the more heartbreaking because Dean loved him, and he thought that Cas might love him back. Dean having a lunch or emotions when Cas died, and trying to get Sam okay, and then CAs comes back and takes on Sams insanity. And him being jealous of Meg.

The hole “Id rather have you, cursed or not..” Being explicitly romantic. Like, no subtext, it was just Deans way of saving he loved him and wanted to be with him. Then in purgatory, then being together, in canon. Having scenes where they kiss and CAs watching over a Dean as he sleeps because CAs doesn’t need sleep. Cas being protective of Dean and not really trusting Benny. Then Dean, coming back to life again, being devastated by Cas “abandoning” him, and being with Benny to distract him. Sam having reservations about Benny and why Dean moved on so fast.

Then when CAs comes back, Dean feeling guilty and happy. Cas wanting to be with Dean again, but being hurt when he finds about about Benny. Cas beating Dean up under mind control being sadder because instead of saying “I need you” Dean saying “I trust you”, “I believe in you” or “I love you.” Which causes CAs to stop. Then he heals Dean, kisses him for the first time since purgatory, and leaves.

Dean and CAs being able to be humans together when Cas can feel more human attraction to Dean, but still choosing to be an angle, even though it dampers his range of feelings for Dean. Dean understanding, but CAs still going out of his was to make Dean understand that he did not choose anything over Dean, and that Dean is everything to him.

Dean and Crowley relationship being the opposite of what CAs and Deans was. Where CAs and Dean shared small kisses and held hands, Dean and Crowley was lustful, not loving.

Cas confused with Dean and Amaras relationship. Dean confused with it as well. Dean introducing Cas to his mom as his boyfriend, the first time he called Cas that. (It was just something that everyone accepted, Dean and CAs were together) Cas being more focused on Jack breaks Dean heart a bit, and he gets jealous.

Dean grieving Cas on a level he never had before after Lucifer kills him becuase at that point they had been together for around 5 years. Dean resenting Jack because he blames him for Cas death, but also loving him because he is Cas’s son, and that’s what CAs would want.

Dean and Cas having Tombstone as their official back-together episode, where Jack asks about the relationship, and Cas explains how he loves Dean to him. Dean and CAs decide to get married. It’s a spur of the moment discussion, and they go to the courthouse and get married the same day (they fake a bunch of documents), and buy matching silver rings. Michal possessing Dean hurting Cas because he knew that Dean was never meant to be with him, Dean and Michael were the paring. Cas hating God for making Dean Moxbael’s sword. In the Lebanon episode, John and Dean having a moment where Dean tells John that he’s bisexual, and that he is in love with CAs, and his a hole monologue about how he cares about Cas and how amazing Cas in, Cas hearing it, and kissing Dean infrount of John. John shaking Cas hand and asking questions about angels. Sam being proud that Dean stood up to John.

Dean blaming Cas for Mary’s death. The heartbreak of Jacks death, as he was Dean and Cas’s son. Cas wanting to use it was a reason they would be together, Dean wanting nothing to do with Cas. In The Trap, having a scene where they talk about their relationship, and how they have to be honest with each other and how that is the only way it’s going to work. Dean, not completely forgiving CAs, but agreeing to give him a second (or 3rd or 4th) chance, because he loves him. Cas opening up about how it hurt him that Dean let Micheal posses him, and how he’s always felt insecure about that. Dean assuring CAs that he has nothing to feel insecure about, and assuring Cas that Dean always had and always will chose Cas over almost anyone, the only exception being Sam or Jack.

Dean screaming after Cas’s death. Him being completely devastated and crying and just broken after Cas died. Sam having to literally pick him up off the floor where he cried himself asleep and Sam already knowing what happened when he saw Dean in his state. Jack holding Dean afterwards and trying to comfort him, and Dean just drinking a lot to feel better.

Then when he dies, and he sees Bobby, and Bobby tells him CAs is here, he asks where and they have a happily ever after.

#Supernatural #destiel #spn #headcanon

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deancas-brainrot · 2 years

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AU where Cas becomes the new Death

he takes the place instead of Billie,, where cas ends up dying in the barn (the episode where they were after one of the yellow-eyed demons in season 12 I think) so Dean goes into widower mode right??? so then a few weeks/months pass by, and Dean gets a little too reckless and ends up getting seriously hurt. Sam tries to be like, "we can make a deal, do a spell. we can save you i promise." But because Dean is still in widower mode, he's just ready to die bcuz he doesn't care. So imma bring back that thing from season 1 where you can see a reaper if you're on the verge of Death. So Dean's kinda just, laying on the ground accepting his Death, while Sam is sobbing over him, trying to get him to stay awake. Then before Dean's vision gives out, he sees cas. "Cas..?" Dean weakly lifts his arm to point out into the empty room. "Dean what are you talking about?" Then Dean watches Cas press his fingers to his forehead and... suddenly he's not dying. He sits upright so fast that he feels a little light-headed. His eyes bat around the room. "What the hell just happened?? Dean?" Sam is trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Dean just sits up on his elbows, mouth ajar, dumbfounded. It was Cas. But Cas is dead. Yet there he was, standing right before Dean, saving him yet again. Dean explains what he saw to Sam, and Sam only half belives him "Dude you were dying ,it was probably your mind playing tricks on you," Sam tries to reason. "No Sam, it Was Cas. Really. I mean yea he looked a little different, but i'm 100% sure it was him." He tells Sam that Cas wore an all-black suit, accompanied by a black trench coat. And he held a scythe. A few weeks pass by, and Sam and Dean stumble on a case that turns out to be bigger than it seems. Anyone that has ever associated with the Winchesters (in a good way) have been spared. They're being watched over by what seems to be an angel, but what angel would care enough to do that? The idea of Cas flashes in Dean's mind, but for certain reasons, he doesn't bring it up to Sam. It's uncanny, really. Their friends and family are being spared, and Sam and Dean want to find what's doing that and kill it. To keep the order as natural as possible, I guess. Sam keeps on trying to convince his brother that this is a good thing and that they should leave well enough alone. And Dean almost agrees, but then people they've ever associated with (in a bad way) start dropping like flies. It looks like natural deaths at first, but then the deaths seem to be more brutal as time goes on. "They're hunters Dean, it's just part of the job." Maybe Sam's right, but Dean can't shake the thought that it might be something else. He thinks of Cas again. Dean hasn't told Sam but, every time they've been on a hunt, and people have died, Dean had always caught a glimpse of Cas right before a person died. Like there was this one hunt they were on where a Djinn had captured a teenage girl. After they killed the Djinn, the girl wouldn't wake up all the way. She had lost a lot of blood. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled weakly at Sam and Dean, before dying. Dean had felt a chill run up his neck, he looked up from the floor and, for a second, saw Castiel standing over the girl with a sad smile. When he blinked, Cas was gone. After following the case for a couple of weeks, the brothers hit a dead end. As a last resort, they decide that they need to summon Death (whoever the new Death is because Dean killed the old Death when he had the Mark of Cain) The ritual was hard, but they succeeded. They waited maybe 2 or 3 minutes. Then the room went cold, and Castiel appeared. "Hello Dean," he greeted blankly. Dean sputters, and his mouth falls open. Sam stares at the used-to-be angel with wide eyes. "Cas," Sam speaks first. "We thought... You were dead. How..?" "I cannot provide you with an explanation that you'll understand." "What's that supposed to mean?" Dean barks, any sense of relief or joy, was immediately placed with anger. Cas stared at him blankly. "Cas what the hell! We thought you were dead! We-" Dean glanced over at Sam- "I tried to bring you back! I prayed to you Cas! And just when I think maybe I can't bring you back, and that you're really gone for good, you're here!" "I understand that you're angry," the new Death squinted slightly, analyzing Dean. "That you're hurt. To be honest, I'm not 100% sure what even happened." Then suddenly, the realization hits Sam. They were trying to summon Death. And Cas appears instead. "Cas are you Death?" Sam asks outright. "Yes." He replies deadpan.

Lol ok wanna watch me do a flip

"Who are you?" Dean barks. Cas hangs his head. "Dean, it's me," he tries to reassure. Dean chokes out a half-laugh. "Cas is dead." He says sourly, then he shakes his head. "Dean..." "Now I'll ask nicely one more time, who are you." Instead of answering, Castiel lets his shoulders fall and looks to Sam. The younger Winchester is staring at him, wide-eyed. "You're Death," he says, astonished. Castiel's eyes illuminate as he nods. Dean presses his lips into a tight line. His face hardens before he shifts his attention toward Sam. "Ok so Death is wearing Cas's face," his stomach curls, "doesn't mean it's him." Dean turns his head back at Death, he squints suspiciously at him. "Dean, will you please let me out of the sumoning circle?" Cas looks to the floor then back at Dean. "Dammit!" Dean turns and kicks the table. The leg breaks and everything used to summon the Reaper crashes onto the concrete floor. An aggravated frown creeps onto his face. "You're not him! Alright!?" He steps so close to the circle, he's threatening to enter. Castiel's face is blank. Hot, angry, tears begin to well up in Dean's eyes. Then, the dam breaks. He steps inside the circle and grabs a fistful of Cas's shirt. "I pray to you everynight you bastard! I was chasing my own damn tail trying to get you back, when you're already alive and well!?" He pulls Castiel close. "And then me and Sam have to summon you for you to show your face." Dean scoffs and shoves Cas away. Sam grabs his brother and pulls him out of the circle and off to the side. Cas fixes his shirt quickly. "You have to understand, in the position I'm in, I have responsibilities now. I can't be here like I used to. I am-" "Death," Dean finishes sharply for him. "Yeah I get it. Whatever."

#deancas #destiel #castiel #castiel novak #dean #dean winchester #sam #sam winchester #jensen ackles #jared paladecki #misha collins #reaper #grim reaper #ReaperAU #DestielReaperAU

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queerstudiesnatural · 2 years

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dean only sees value in himself if he can be useful, and so he thinks other people work the same, so when he wants to convey that he cares about someone he mentions how useful they are. he does it with jack. the first time he ever calls him family is when jack finds mary in apocalypse world. "you did a real good thing" he tells him, like that was the condition for jack to be accepted. and again when mrs butters wants to kill jack, sam says they care about him, and dean goes for "he can save the world". again framing jack as useful instead of loved. he does it to cas, "i need you" being, expressed one way or another, sort of his default thing to say to cas. even the "i'd rather have you, cursed or not" is worded like a "you're still an angel and useful even if you're screwed in the head" thing.

dean rarely ever expresses his own feelings, not because he doesn't have them, but because he doesn't think they matter. the highest praise he's ever received was being told he did good. no one has ever told him he was loved, let alone liked for who he is. but he has been rewarded for being skilled, or powerful, and so he applies that same logic to others. besides, why would anyone care about how he feels? so what if he loves cas? a soldier of heaven isn't going to stick around to satisfy dean's love. he might stick around if he has a task to do.

#and that's unhinged take number one #rain posts #spn #supernatural #spn studies #dean studies #dean winchester #dean winchester studies #supernatural meta #spn meta #dean meta

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wormstacheangel · 3 years

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Suptober Day 1: Harvest

wc: 1.7k tags: fluff with the side of tiny case fic, established relationship, spoilers but cw they are drugged with cider,

It was a long hunt. One that they accepted as their last one, but, of course, they can never sit still enough not to take an easy local hunt. By local, he means a two-day trip away, but still, they saved a couple of old folks from a ghost, which was fun. Dean sure enjoyed getting thrown around until Cas finally burned the dentures.

Like he said, long hunt.

They stayed at a nice little Airbnb overnight. During breakfast, their waitress told them of the Harvest Festival a town over. Cas was still a little bruised up, but Dean convinced him to go, at least to try their famous apple cider.

“We’ll make a day of it! Just me and you.” With that, Cas agreed, taking Dean’s waiting hand across the table.

The festival was lively when they arrived in the afternoon, with more people than they expected considering the small town they were in but apparently when they say famous they meant it. The tents lined up with food from funnel cakes, donuts, chicken, and some pumpkin spice beer that Dean chugged down even though it tasted like shit.

They eventually ended up with bags filled with treats and souvenirs to take home to the kids--Sam and Eileen fall into the kids’ category. They each held a bag while Dean held Cas’ hand tight in his own, dragging him around from seller to seller, buying and tasting as he went.

“We should start heading home, or soon you’ll be too full to drive.” Cas teased as Dean finished off their bag of apple crisps. “You think we’re feeding an army.”

“Considering how Jack eats, we might as well be.”

“He gets that from you, you know.”

They continued their banter as they made their way out of the festival and to the parking lot.

Then they were stopped by a woman wearing a volunteer pumpkin shirt, “Aw, leaving so soon? Don’t ya wanna stay for the fireworks?”

That quickly took Dean’s attention, brightening up his whole face so much that once again, Cas couldn’t find it in himself to refuse. Instead, earning himself a small kiss on the cheek as a thank you before being was dragged to the car to drop off their items.

Once back in the festival, they walked around until another volunteer told them about the amazing view of the fireworks at the middle of the corn maze.

“It’s a small maze, but in the middle is a little hill. So it’s usually first-come, first-serve. But I haven’t heard of anyone taking it as of now.”

Once again, Dean was easily hooked in and took Cas along for the ride. Not that he was complaining. He enjoyed watching Dean get excited over small things, things he wouldn’t have permitted himself to get excited for before. Of course, it helped when Dean hooked his arm around Cas’s waist to tug him close, whispering, “Ever kissed someone in a corn maze, Cas?”

“You know I haven’t, Dean.”

That did it for Cas. A promise of a spectacular kiss that will put the fireworks to shame.

At the entrance of the maze stood a cider cart, and Cas made a beeline for it. “I at least wanna be warm if you are going to make me walk around in the cold.”

“On the house.” The saleswoman winked at them, and something uneasy passed through them, but they ignored it as she motioned them to go right on in that the fireworks should be starting soon.

They took their hot cider and walked right in, taking hold of their hands as they walked through the maze in comforting silence. Watching the sky above them change from orange and pinks to the dark night sky.

When the maze opened up to a clearing, Dean started to run—taking the small space on top. It was tall enough to see over the cornstalk and watch the lights twinkle from the festival up ahead. They could even see groups of people exiting the maze from their left, and for a second, Dean wondered why they didn’t run into anybody on their walkover. It looked like a lot of people were going through the maze, but nobody passed them.

That thought was quickly dismissed as the first firework lit up the sky, cheers from the crowd echoed the loud boom, and Dean felt secure with an arm hooking around his shoulders to bring him in closer. So they sat there watching the firework show and polishing off their now cold cider until Cas couldn’t wait another second.

Gently, he turned Dean’s face just enough so they could start the kiss slowly. The snap crackle pop of the fireworks above their heads just kept lighting up the fuse between them until Cas asked for them to find another place to spend the night.

“Should we go now?” Dean kissed down Cas’s jaw, feeling the hastily nods instead of seeing it. “Okay. Okay, let’s go.”

They both stood up and took one last look at the view before they got down. Turning left, where they were sure they saw the other folks exit from before. Every few steps, they pulled each other for another kiss-- smiling into them like giddy newlyweds--until they started to realize they’ve been walking for way too long.

The fireworks had long been over, and they soon realized it was their only source of light. It soon became so hard to see anything that they didn’t dare let go of each other’s hands. They tried to go back to the hill to see if maybe they could see the trail from there, but it was like it never existed in the first place.

“Fuck!” They turned the corner to find another dead-end. “Isn’t this shit for children!”

“You know we haven’t seen or heard anyone in a while. Not since-”

“We came in here. I know. I was thinking the same thing earlier when we were on the hill.”

“Why didn’t you say anything then?”

“Cause you stuck your tongue in my mouth and impending doom took a backseat.”

They started to run, calling out for help as they did, but it only felt like they were going in circles.

Then Dean yelled, “Hallelujah!” When a flashlight shined into their faces.

“There you two are. It’s time to go.” The old man sounded so relieved to find them. He didn’t look sinister. He didn’t even make it sound like they were gone for that long. “You two okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. We got lost, I guess.” Dean shrugged, watching as Cas stared ahead of him.

“Many people do. But they always find their way out, though.”

They followed the man out of the maze while Dean’s knuckles brushed alongside Cas’. They were listening to the man recite a memory when suddenly Cas tugged at Dean’s arm.

“Dean.” It was a shocking gasp.

“Cas?” Dean turned around to watch; Cas’s eyes rolled to the back of his head before dropping like a ragdoll. “Cas!”

And just like that, Cas was out to the world.

Dean fell to his knees to take Cas into his arms, but it was useless. He was heavy, and Dean’s body was starting to tingle, his muscles becoming weaker with every passing second.

“Don’t you worry about your little friend.” The man flashed his light on Dean’s face. Blinding him, but Dean kept glaring up at him. “Just like you, he won’t feel a thing.”

“What did you do to him?” He tried to growl, but it came out too breathless for it to be threatening.

“Same thing we did to you. Same thing we do every year to a couple of tourists.”

Dean could feel himself slipping out of consciousness, but he kept trying to shield Cas from whatever was coming.

“Don’t fight it, boy.” The man walked over to him, raising his flashlight high above his head. “Hate it when they struggle.”

And with a single hit, Dean was knocked out. Falling over Cas. Hoping that at least he gets killed first this time around.

Dean woke up again when he felt someone kicking his legs with little to no effort. His arms were numb, and he realized it was because they were pulled back and tied around some huge boulder.

“Dean?”

Dean recognized the voice and happily groaned out a complaint. “Hate small towns. Creeps. All of them.”

Cas chuckled in relief. “Glad you’re okay.”

Dean blinked a couple of times before his eyes focused, looking across from him to find Cas in the same position as him. Cas looked dirty, a few scratches on his face from being dragged, which made Dean furious—tugging at the ropes that hold him back from checking for any more injuries.

“Fuck! Shit! You okay? They hurt you?”

“Not as much as they did you.” Dean didn’t feel much pain besides the stretch on his shoulders and a raging headache. “I guess that’s not true. You have a swell on your head.”

“Yeah, well, I went down swinging. Unlike you.” Cas didn’t look amused, but he looked concerned. Dean followed his gaze, looking for an explanation or a way out. “I guess we’re either bait or dinner.”

“I’m used to being bait.”

“And I’m used to being dinner. Well, aren’t we a match made in heaven?” This time Cas glared, and weirdly enough, it made Dean relax a little. “Okay, so what’s the plan?”

The plan was simple, while Cas may not be a full-powered-up angel, he was still an angel. And he was stronger than an average human. So with a little more force, Cas had his arms free, rubbing his wrist while shrugging at Dean, “I always see humans do this.”

“Yeah, cause it hurts, so if you can just-” Dean motioned for his arms and Cas quickly reached to untie him. Then, when they were both free, they once again started to look around the empty cornfield. “I say leave now and call for backup; come back in the morning.”

“Considering we have no weapons, I think that would be for the best.”

“So much for date night.” Dean took Cas’s hand, and they quickly started to get themselves out of there. Running like maniacs as they pushed through the endless corn.

“I actually enjoyed myself today. You know, before the whole being drugged and left for dead part.”

“Really? That was my favorite part.” Dean joked, squeezing Cas’s hand as they made their way to safety. “You think all the stuff we bought was drugged?”

“Won’t stop me from having another donut.”

“Man, I love you.”

#suptober21 #wormstachewrites #fic #destiel #deancas #sorry its so late. work today was draining emotionally #established destiel #case fic

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katya-goncharov · 3 years

Text

Some of my personal Emma headcanons (because I started daydreaming about her and got obsessed):

I do really love the idea of Dean finding her in purgatory between seasons 7 and 8. I think it would take them a while to trust each other, but the thing is that the stakes are different now - Dean doesn't know for sure if she really would have gone through with killing him if Sam hadn't shot her, and maybe even Emma doesn't know, but suddenly it doesn't matter anymore because it's all about survival. So they kind of form an alliance and start to form this tentative bond as they find out more about each other and just chat ect.

As they're preparing to return to the real world, that's when things get sticky. Because of course Dean wants to take Emma with him, but there's this unspoken tension now because can he really trust her? What if the amazons get hold of her again and want to take her back and for her to finish her task of killing her father? Of course Dean wants to trust her and thinks that he probably can, but maybe there's a conversation where either Benny or Cas are more doubtful about it, and Emma overhears and gets upset. Because she knows she was born to be a monster but she's never really had a choice or any agency of her own, and now suddenly for the first time she's going to have to decide whose side she's on. In the end of course she does choose Dean because by that point she's got to know him and it's obvious that he does care about her

Fun little headcanon: I like the idea that there's a certain food or drink she's obsessed with, because it's the first thing she ever has when she's brought back. Maybe Dean takes her to McDonalds and she decides that their caramel milkshakes are the best drink ever invented (because it's literally one of the first things she's ever had) and after that she asks for them every chance she gets

Also she comes back with a bunch of obscure pop culture references because of course Dean's been telling her loads of random trivia while they were in purgatory and also stories that are actually the plots of popular movies to keep her entertained. She's never encountered any of them for herself but she's super invested in them accepts Dean's version of all of them as canon

I like the idea of her being really distrustful and resentful of Sam at first - because he did kill her. Maybe that adds to the tension of Dean being mad about Sam not looking for him in purgatory - because now he's got this kid who Sam literally killed, and maybe he keeps her hidden from Sam at first. There's the way Dean's almost been like a parent to Sam his whole life, but now he's got an actual daughter who he almost feels like he has to protect from him.

Then there's some kind of Big Event that happens that forces the two of them to sort out their differences. Maybe Emma's amazonian family do try to take her back and she thinks a compromise to prove herself to them is to kill Sam instead of Dean - only she changes her mind at the last minute because it's not who she wants to be, and Sam has to save her from them and that's when they finally sort things out between them

I think the first real friend she ends up making is Alex, once she goes to live with Jody. Because neither of them have had proper childhoods, both of them were raised by monsters and forced to break out of that, and finally Emma's got someone her own age (kind of) who really understands her and who she can talk about things like that with. They text each other all the time and have a bunch of inside jokes that completely baffle both Dean and Jody

I also love the idea of Emma being either gay or asexual - crucially, she's Not Into Men. I just think that would be so interesting - because her mother's side of the family's entire existence depends on seducing and killing human men, and so from the start she's wired to break that abusive chain by default. Breaking away from that side of the family is a choice she makes, but she was always different from them, really. That would also make her kind of a Cas parallel, which I just think is really fun!

Also she meets Cas in purgatory and she's, like, completely enthralled by the fact that he's an actual angel. She wants to learn all these things about his true form, and his wings, and what it's like in heaven, and how to speak enochian... because she's technically still young she's naturally really curious and bombards him with questions that Dean and Sam had never even considered. Cas of course takes to her right away, because that's Dean's daughter! How could he not? He keeps mentioning little ways that he thinks that Emma takes after Dean to them - sometimes they think he might be reaching slightly, but they enjoy hearing about them anyway

She's really useful to have on hunts because she was born with all these impressive fighting skills. She'll do anything to defend Dean, Cas or Sam but sometimes they have to warn her off if she gets too aggressive with someone who's just giving them a hard time. Dean tries to explain that they don't kill people, only monsters, but of course that just confuses and upsets her so he's forced to properly confront what that really means

#all right. here it is #this is WAY too long and rambling and honestly if no-one reads it then fair enough #but it's been cluttering up my drafts for so long and today feels like angood time to release it #(also yes i know many people have made similar posts before. i just i really really love reading those so i wanted to make my own one!)#supernatural #dean winchester #emma winchester #emmanatural

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brodependent · 3 years

Text

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam: a meta

Much as I love reading good meta, I don’t often write meta. Thus please accept my apologies if this is mediocre, and let me start with a simple topic sentence:

Sam loves Dean as much as Dean loves Sam.

A little longer, now: Sam is even better at loving Dean than Dean is at loving Sam because of Dean’s profound and abiding love for Sam.

Confusing, right? But not really.

We all know how Dean lives and breathes SammySammySammywatchoutforSammy. It’s his defining mission, his ultimate purpose, or, as a therapist might say, his “core belief.” But sometimes I think that we allow adult!Dean too little autonomy. We assume that he can’t help himself: he’s locked into this single-minded focus, on loving and protecting the only family he has left.

That sells Dean short. (Hang in there, I promise I’ll get to Sam in a moment.)

Even people who have been forced into a certain way of life have choices. Even people who have been told who they are all their life have choices. Dean tells us, in Season 14, I’m good with who I am--and I, for one, believe him. Whether we follow canon all the way to 15x17, when Dean is finally brought back from the edge of his desire for revenge against Chuck by his love for Sam (the only thing that’s “real”), or whether we keep to season 1 when Dean said--that’s all we have...that’s all I have... and I want us to be a family again and as long as I’m around, nothing bad is gonna happen to you--Dean has always accepted his role as Sam’s big brother. Dean’s life is unabashedly Sam-centric. He’d change a lot of things, but in the end he’d change nothing, because he wouldn’t change that.

Some fans get very het up about the codependent aspect of this. Others (in my opinion, rightly) defend it. There’s scads of meta on why the Winchester dynamic IS necessary for their mythic role in the narrative, and their human role in the narrative (more importantly), so I won’t write that meta now. All I’m saying is what I think you already know: Dean lives for Sam, his baby brother, and despite the grief, the growing pains, the occasional cruelty of desperate love, Dean said it all when he told Sam (and us), Don’t you ever think that there is anything, past or present that I would put in front of you.

So where does that leave Sam, and his love for Dean? Let’s start with that line I just quoted. Building on the above, Dean’s goal in life is to give Sam a life. He wants Sam to be happy. He wants him to be free. He also wants to keep him by his side forever, to control him for safety and comfort’s sake, and sometimes those instincts of a frightened-child-turned-traumatized-man win out. Dean isn’t perfect. Dean’s full of contradictions. But time and again he goes back to stone number one: what he can do for Sam. What he can offer Sam, by being the grunt, by standing in harm’s way.

When we begin the story, Sam has succeeded in the path Dean helped carve for him. I’m not taking all the credit from Sam here, and giving it Dean: merely pointing out that Dean stepped into traditional parental roles and helped send Sam into adulthood, even though that meant Sam leaving him. We know that the night Sam left for Stanford was one of the worst of Dean’s life, but even in mid-season 1, Dean tells Sam he’s proud of him. You always know what you want. You stand up to Dad. Hell, sometimes I wish I--

(this, of course, is beautifully echoed in the series finale itself)

Dean is telling Sam what so many parents tell their children: you have gone places I never could, accomplished goals I never could, grown in grace and understanding like I never could. At least, I like to think that’s what the best parents tell their children.

To Dean, Sam is always the one with more hope. More wholeness. More options. To Sam, Dean is stone number one.

You asked how Sam loves Dean, and my answer is: just look. Look at how Sam goes out into the world young, stands up to their father, makes his own decisions, fights back against Dean’s own nihilistic narrative through their primary losses and setbacks. Dean gave Sam the safety to build a better worldview than Dean himself has, and Sam turns that right back around and tries to give it to Dean.

What do you think my job is? You’re my big brother--there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.

I can’t lose you.

You’re not a grunt, Dean, you’re a genius.

This is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother.

I am going to save my brother. And then I’m going to kill you dead.

If you ever need to talk about anything with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you.

I believe in us.

This is just a small collection of Sam quotes showing his love for Dean. A small collection showing the persistent theme of Sam’s persistence. He knows that pushing chick-flick moments and emotional conversations can get jokes for a dime a dozen, and even the occasional punch thrown his way. He keeps at it anyway. When Sam knows Dean’s hurting, he wants to help. He’d do anything to help. He won’t sit around and see his brother turn into an embittered killer (season 2), go to hell for saving his life (season 3), take on the Trials (season 8), be irrevocably corrupted by the Mark of Cain (seasons 9-10), let him despair (seasons 11 and 13), let him sacrifice himself to an archangel’s grave (season 14), or let him lose his goodness to the whims of a vicious god (season 15). Sam fights for Dean with full use of his considerable gifts--intelligence, rationality, resourcefulness, and yes, the occasional blind rage. Sam looks to Dean, first as a leader, then as a judge, and finally as an equal. Sam has been looking up to Dean since he was four, yes, but over the course of the show he comes to look at Dean. With love, peace, understanding, humor, pain...whatever their inimitable connection requires.

The quotes I noted above also reveal Sam’s own conflicts rear up. Sam and Dean (again, in my opinion) are equally developed characters. Both have flaws and inconsistencies. Both have struggles inherent to their personalities and upbringings, distinct from those imposed on them by supernatural forces.

Sam had a glimpse of a different life, once. He had the smarts, he had the drive, he had the sheer stubbornness to live a different life than John or Azazel or hell, even Lucifer had planned for him. But also in Sam--innate in Sam--is his core of goodness and compassion and the principle of doing right, which leads him back into the life and to soul-crushing sacrifice again and again.

Sam breaks and is broken. Sam suffers and ages and spends more time in hell than even Dean, who went to protect him.

But what keeps Sam going? Dean. Dean can’t live without Sam. We know that. The flip side is that Sam doesn’t want to live without Dean. Importantly, I think, he has more choice in the matter. Dean focused his whole childhood identity on giving Sam a life that meant he had choices, even if Dean didn’t know he was doing that. Sam can move through more crowds, more roles, more relationships. He has a better education, he has a more powerful ability to intellectually reason and detach. He would have made a great lawyer. Yet he casts all this aside out of sheer willpower, choosing instead to love Dean and live with Dean through the chaos of their lives, and to go near mad when Dean is gone. Consider Sam in season 4, Sam in season 10...Sam in season 8 trying to atone for the very choice that Dean (the best part of Dean) wanted him to make, even if the real muddle of Dean’s psyche couldn’t forgive him, for a time, for making it.

All of this leads us to the finale.

You said you wish Sam had said I love you back to Dean in the finale. I argue that he did. He made his love perfectly clear to Dean in that moment by holding his hand, by looking in his eyes. He said, you can go now, when all he wanted was for Dean to stay.

The best part of Dean wanted Sam to have happiness and freedom. At the end of his life, Dean was finally able to communicate that without fear or reservation.

But the bittersweet brilliance of that moment is that Sam--the Stanford boy who went to hell and back, who saved the world, brought down one god and raised another--no longer wanted any kind of happiness or freedom that didn’t include the one person who’d been by his side all along. Dean was giving his blessing for a path that didn’t beckon Sam anymore. And yet: Sam said yes to it out of the love for Dean. Sam went out of that barn, out of the bunker, out of that day and that year and that decade and into the next and the next, out of love for Dean. Sam loved Dean by living. He loved Dean by raising another Winchester. He loved Dean by holding all their contradictions, flaws, and heroisms in his heart (in their car), until he’d done what he set out to do many times over.

Then he met Dean on a mended bridge, dressed in old clothes that said: I was happiest at the beginning. I was happiest when we could be brothers again. I took my time getting here anyway, because I know that was what you wanted. I took my time so that we could be happiest now.

If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

#my meta #meta #spn meta #the epic love story of sam and dean #sam winchester #dean winchester #spn positive #spn #supernatural #carry on #spn finale #sam loves dean as much as dean love sam #winchesters #sam n dean #sam and dean

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perlukafarinn · 3 years

Note

4 +5 + destiel :)

Enemies to lovers + Scar

The first time Dean saw Cas as anything more than a rival hunter, horning in on his territory and stealing his kills, was the night Cas first saved his life.

He’d hated him for it, of course. Dean didn’t like to be indebted to anyone, never mind the insufferable jackass who kept showing up and telling Dean how to do his job in front of civilians. If Cas hadn’t been there, distracting him, that wraith might never even have gotten the drop on Dean.

Except he did. And now, instead of Dean’s throat getting slashed open, it was Cas with a big gash on his side, threatening to bleed out on the hospital floor. They both got out alive in the end and while Dean resented the fact that Cas had saved him, it was also what started to change his mind on him.

It’s been years since. Cas has saved Dean’s life a few times in the meantime, and Dean has saved his just as many, if not more. They’re not rivals anymore. They’re... well, whatever it is you call someone who keeps ending up in your bed but then leaves for weeks at a time.

Cas is here now, though, naked and asleep, and Dean can’t take his eyes off of the long, white scar on his side. He remembers all too well what it looked like, drenched in bright red blood, the dark cotton of Cas’ shirt sticking to it like some terrible makeshift bandage.

Dean reaches out, tracing the scar with his fingertips. Cas cracks open one eye.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks.

“Do you remember how you got this?” Dean asks instead of answering.

Cas looks at him. His expression is impossible to read, his eyes hooded and dark. “Yes,” he finally says. “I don’t think I could forget.”

Dean feels like he should apologize but he knows Cas wouldn’t accept it. “You have a lot of scars.”

“So do you,” Cas says. “So you should know, some of them are more important than others.”

Then he inches closer on the mattress, wrapping his arm around Dean and bringing him in close, tucking his nose against the crook of his neck.

“Go to sleep.”

Dean closes his eyes. Breathes in the smell of Cas, of gunpowder and salt. “Okay.”

#spn ficlet #deancas #destiel #spn #perlukafarinn writes #prompt fill #space-seraph #au fic #i didn't even make that post with the intention of accepting prompts!#but then i saw two treasured mutuals (tm) had sent me prompts #and i couldn't resist

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trenchcoatimpala · 3 years

Text

So I was thinking about Dean burying Cas in the ma’lak box and this happened.

wc: 1.6k

also on archive

“Dean, I can’t let you do this,” Sam said as Dean stepped into the Impala.

“I have to,” Dean replied, his voice was taut as he tried to hold back tears.

“No, you don’t.”

“He won’t stop, Sammy. He’s never going to stop.” Dean felt the words break as they tumbled from his mouth, shattering in the air.

“But it’s Cas,” Sam argued.

“I know,” Dean choked out as he reached for the door so he could pull it closed, shutting out Sam’s protests.

“Dean!” Sam’s muffled voice reached Dean’s ears but he paid his brother no mind.

Before he could allow himself to falter, he put the Impala in reverse and left the motel parking lot, leaving Sam staring after him.

The drive to the bunker wasn’t a long one, but it was the most agonizing thirty minutes of Dean’s life.

When he stepped outside, the world seemed to stop. There were no sounds of creatures scuffling among leaves, no calls of birds, no rustle of branches as the trees talked to each other. Everything was quiet, as if the planet were holding its breath, waiting.

Dean’s footsteps echoed loudly in his ears as he entered the bunker and walked slowly down the stairs. The main room was dim, only one light was on at the middle library table.

Dean’s mouth suddenly went dry and he had to clear his throat to get his voice to work. “Cas?” he called out warily. A shadow appeared from behind a post and Dean’s heart stuttered in his chest. “Cas,” he said as he took a step towards the shadow.

“Dean.” Cas’s reply was merely a whisper. His voice was nothing more than a rasp, as if it had been dragged across rocks and whipped by the roughest of waves. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

Dean swallowed back the tears that wanted to spill across his cheeks. “I had to.”

“And what of Sam?”

“He tried to stop me.”

Cas took a staggering step forward, bracing himself against the table with the light on. “Is he far behind you?”

Dean nearly gasped at Cas’s appearance. His eyes were sunken in their sockets, their color, once bright blue, was now dulled and drained. Blood soaked the left side of his face and coated his trench coat and shirt.

Dean forced himself to reply to Cas’s question. “He’s not coming.”

Cas nodded slowly, the motion seemed to take over his whole body, causing him to shake and tremble. “Good.” When Dean failed to speak, Cas let out a sigh. “Let’s get this over with, then.”

“I don’t want to do this,” Dean said quietly.

“Neither do I,” Cas admitted. “But I am beyond saving.”

“I thought that way once,” Dean replied as he allowed himself a single step closer to where Cas stood. “But I was wrong. There’s still time for you, we can figure something out.”

“No!” Cas roared.

And there it was, the anger born by the mark.

Dean knew firsthand how hard it was to keep that anger buried, it scratches and claws at the corners of your mind until finally it manages to break free. For Cas to have held it back this long was impressive.

“Cas,” Dean began.

“I said no,” Cas snapped. “There’s no way out of it this time, Dean. You know what you have to do.”

Dean’s tears finally fell. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Cas hissed as he gripped the edge of the table so hard the wood groaned under his hand. “And you will. You have to.”

Dean shook his head. “No, no, Cas, please don’t make me.”

“Dean,” Cas’s tone was hard yet it held the smallest glimmer of sympathy. “I’m barely keeping everything at bay. My grace is fighting the effects of the mark, but it won’t be long before the mark takes over completely. We’re running out of time, this has to be done, while I’m still in control.”

It was true. All of it was true. Cas had already killed so many during moments when he lost himself to the mark. An angel with the power of the mark was unstoppable, the world would be demolished if such a being were allowed to continue to roam freely.

“I need you to do this for me, I can’t do it alone.”

“I know,” Dean whispered into the silent bunker.

“Then take me to the box.”

Dean hesitated and Cas let out a snarl.

“The longer we delay, the faster I lose this battle.”

“Okay, okay,” Dean said, holding up his hands. “This way.”

Dean led Cas down the bunker hallway into the dungeon where the Ma’lak box waited, open and ready.

Cas stopped in front of it, eyes trained on the metal carvings and nodded. “This should do.”

Cas moved to climb into it but Dean put a hand on his arm to stop him. “Wait.”

The angel looked like he was about to argue but he only sighed. “What is it?” The barest glimpse of the old Castiel came through in the way Cas tilted his head and narrowed his eyes.

“You need to know something before you do this.”

“What?”

Dean faltered, fumbling with his hands while he tried to calm the slamming of his heart in his chest. He managed to raise his head to meet Cas’s gaze and he swallowed as his eyes dipped to Cas’s lips.

Words would fail Dean, he knew that, so he took the chance to express his feelings in action instead. He surged forward, pushing Cas back against the door and connecting their lips in a bruising kiss. Dean didn’t expect Cas to kiss back, but he did, hard and passionate.

When they pulled apart, Dean saw tears in Cas’s eyes. “Dean,” he breathed.

“I love you,” Dean said before he could lose his nerve.

Cas sighed, his eyes suddenly regaining a tiny bit of that brightness they used to always carry. “I love you too.”

“Then don’t do this,” Dean pleaded. “Please. Stay, let me figure something else out.”

Cas shook his head, sadness arresting his features. “I can’t.”

Dean’s heart broke inside him, each piece lodging itself into his chest as pain tore through him. He bent his forehead against the angel’s and pressed another kiss to his lips.

“Cas,” his voice broke and Cas reached a hand to cup his face.

“Dean we have to hurry, if we delay any longer I’m afraid I might hurt you.”

Dean took in Castiel for the last time. The set of his shoulders, the curve of his jaw, the oceans that were his eyes, the outline of his lips.

He knew they were out of time. He had to say goodbye.

“Okay,” he whispered as tears slid down his cheeks.

Cas carefully stepped away from Dean and headed towards the box. Dean moved to help him and the second that his hand landed on Cas’s back, he sensed the change.

Faced with an eternity in a box, the part of Cas that bore the mark must have broken free.

A hand swung towards Dean’s face as a blood-curdling scream tore out of Cas’s mouth. He could barely see through his tears as he blocked Cas’s blows.

“Cas, please,” he begged as he held Cas back against the box.

Cas struggled in his grip, a grin spreading across his face. “You’re no match for me.”

Dean released Cas momentarily and the angel moved to attack him again, but Dean was faster. The angel blade he’d tucked into the waistband of his jeans was in his hand before Cas could take another step and soon it was embedded in Cas’s chest.

Cas gasped as his grace poured through his mouth, destroying everything that was left of the angel the mark had made its puppet.

Cas slumped against the box, limp, and Dean collapsed beside him. The pieces of his broken heart wedged themselves deeper into his chest and he sobbed as he pulled Cas’s body onto his lap, rocking him as he held him tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “Cas, I’m so sorry.”

Castiel was dead.

The thing that would soon wake up in the angel’s body would not be someone that Dean knew, it would be a twisted and soulless perversion of Castiel, and not something Dean could ever face.

Summoning as much strength as his body could manage, he lifted Cas into the box and arranged him against the cold metal.

Dean allowed himself a few moments to look at his best friend, the love of his life, in his final resting place. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Cas’s forehead.

“I love you,” he whispered over another sob.

He reached up to close and lock the box and then he called Sam.

“It’s done.”

“So what’s next?” Sam asked.

“The ocean. I’ll meet up with you after.”

****

Dean headed to the docks, where he boarded a small fishing ship filled with men that didn’t ask questions. They took Dean out as far as they could and just as he moved to toss the box over the side, Dean heard Cas wake up.

“Let me out!” he screamed.

Hearing Cas’s voice, but knowing it wasn’t Cas, drove a dagger into Dean’s already destroyed heart.

The thing inside the box suddenly quieted and a small plea reached Dean’s ears. “Dean, please.”

Before Dean could do something stupid, like open the box, he pushed it over the edge of the ship, and watched as it sank, carrying Cas with it.

“Goodbye, Cas,” he choked out.

Dean collapsed once it was out of sight. He cried so hard he couldn’t breathe, his chest was constricting and he had half a mind to tie anchors to his feet and jump in after the box.

But he didn’t.

When Dean returned, Sam didn’t try to console him, and Dean was grateful for it. He wanted to be left alone to grieve.

With Cas buried, everything looked completely hopeless. Chuck might be gone, but they were still losing to the monsters, and the future didn’t look bright. Dean wasn’t one to give up, but sometimes giving up was the only option, and Dean was inclined to accept that the end was upon them.

Without Cas there was nothing to live for anyway.

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#supernatural #spn #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #destiel #canon divergent #au #deancas #ma'lak box #alternate universe #angst #death #grief #my writing #trenchcoatimpala writes #fanfic #fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction

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hawkland · 3 years

Text

(Mostly) Destiel Fic Recs #5

This is a LONG recs post because it’s been a while since I did an update and I fell hard into reading one author’s work (DeanRH). In fact I could easily do a rec post just of their fics alone, but for this round I’m just going to pick out a handful of my absolute favorites so far, the ones I’d recommend to start out with, along with more other authors’ works I’ve especially enjoyed lately.

Absolution at the Five-and-Dime by DeanRH (125k) - this is perhaps THEE DeanRH fic to start with if you want a good, long read with a little bit of everything (Roadtrips! Intriguing casefic! Americana! Tasty Dean/Cas pining! Wing!kink and unique angel lore! Kinky soul fisting and tentacles!) It’s kind of two of parallel stories in one: the first, a flashback to Dean and Sam's first year hunting on their own (as well as trying to avoid hunting, and John in general); the second on how Dean and Cas finally get together during an unusual case and when Dean is able to really let go of his past trauma and accept himself/accept love from Cas.

What I love about DeanRH’s work is that they write from the unique point of view of a drifter, so they understand living on the road, traveling place to place, and the highs and lows of that life like no others I’ve encountered in SPN before. (The author’s notes are often as much fun to read as the stories themselves). They also write a kickass angel!Cas and never lose sight of his non-human traits and background. Their writing style is unique - almost poetic in nature, and I know some readers have found it difficult to get into. But it works really well for me in their SPN fic...gives it the flavor of oral story telling as might actually happen at a drifter’s camp (with one story written exactly as such). Be warned this particular fic does play up the idea of John Winchester being mentally abusive and Dean having to turn tricks when he was younger in order to support him and Sam, so there is some dark stuff. But as someone who grew up with mentally abusive parent, reading this was extremely cathartic to me and believably written (unlike some stories that go too over the top with abusive John, or just don't understand how that kind of abuse leaves lifetime psychological scars.)

The rest of this round’s recs below the cut.

Carnevale by DeanRH (18k) - Actually the first fic by this author I read, because I just couldn’t resist a story set in my favorite place in the world, Venice, Italy. Castiel is the Angel of Venice, banished there for so long he does not even know or remember the reasons why. But Carnevale season is the one time a year he can let his wings out - figuratively and literally. And during this particular Carnevale season, he meets an intriguing masked young American tourist there with his brother and their one night stand turns into something far more powerful than either expected. This one’s hot, romantic, and achingly sad at the end as it all ties together unexpectedly with canon-verse...though with a hint for the future so it’s definitely not totally sad. I loved how DeanRH clearly understands Venice as a fellow lover of the city, the side of it most tourists never see unless they spend a long time there. This story made me cry just from wanting to be back in Venice again.

Ice cream was sweeter, food more satisfying, everything was an epicurean delight. There was just something magical about Venice, and he had lived here in the city for hundreds of years, so the shine should have worn off by now.

But it didn't, and there was always something more, something wonderful to discover around the next corner. The painted eaves of a church. The beauty of two women dancing with flowers in their teeth across the Piazza San Marco one day, overcome by the sheer joy of just being there. The way the university students still created Venetian masks, like Castiel's extravagant volto mask and Dean's humble servetta muta, with crafts that had been handed down across the generations. The morning silence that lay against the stones.

Hard Landing by DeanRH (26.9k) - A bit similar in theme to Carnevale. A pre-series Dean and Sam are sight-seeing in Spain when an angel, struck by a babel-spell, crash lands right in front of Dean. A strange yet seriously hot encounter with the angel turns into something much more complicated when the brothers return home and realize something more serious is afoot and they are both trapped in the middle of it. This is another story where things are very much not as they seem at first (as fun as that is!) It features master strategist Cas at his best, with a side helping of delightful trickery care of Gabriel and Balthazar as they deal with Lucifer, Michael...and a few others along the way.

The Sacred Band of Thebes by DeanRH (14.5k) - The last DeanRH fic I’m gonna allow myself to include in this round up, because it’s just very soft and sweet and beautiful - for a story about Dean & Cas being magically transported back in time to ancient Sparta! This is another story infused with a great knowledge of place and history, with some wonderfully delightful original characters added in that make it all the more enjoyable to read.

And now on to some other authors, I promise!

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT by emmbrancsxx0 (56k). A really wonderful fic that take a different look at what might have happened with a temporarily resurrected John Winchester during Season 14. Dean & Cas are in an established relationship here, and John here isn’t too happy about it — though mostly because he sees Cas (and Jack) as monsters, the kind of monsters he spent his lifetime hunting. This is a great fic for the emotional complexity of how John, Dean and Cas are all handled. John isn’t a cardboard evil dad, Dean is struggling between his loyalty to his father and to Cas, and Cas is increasingly bitchy/frustrated at Dean still being so desperate for his father’s approval (and all the more complex for not just being a quietly suffering perfect supporting boyfriend.) There’s some great action sequences in this too along with the emotional angst and a delicious dose of hurt!Cas if that’s your thing (as it is for me :D)

Abrenuntio by Neonbat (51k). A very dark but compelling AU take on the/a apocalypse universe. Dean, Sam and John are all alive in this post-angel war-apocalyptic world. They are part of a group of human survivors fighting against the angel army when they manage to capture “Blue” — a particularly feared angel of death. Dean is tasked with bringing Blue in for interrogation and he becomes a prisoner in their camp after John is killed. As mentioned, this is a pretty dark/sad fic (with some rather gruesome torture scenes) but I still found it quite compelling as a look at how things could have gone in some other parallel universe. And somehow the author manages to make the Dean/Cas relationship come together despite them starting out as complete enemies. This is one of those AUs that works for me because the core of the characters really shine through despite the differences in the setting.

if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee (37k) - a gorgeous post-Empty rescue fic that takes an approach I haven’t really seen explored in detail before (despite being something I’ve actually thought about as something that could’ve happened.) What if Cas has spent so long denying himself happiness, and then trapped in regrets and false-rescue scenarios created by the Empty, that he can’t trust that his rescue is real? And so he runs off to be on his own - literally stealing the Impala because he can’t handle being in Dean’s presence one moment longer - and only slowly comes to terms with the idea that it’s over now and he can be happy with/around his friends and family. This one’s both deliciously angsty and at times funny/sweet, looking at Cas’s relationships not just with Dean but with Sam, Jack, Claire, even Eileen. It does some fun stuff with other returned angels and demons who now find themselves back on Earth (and human), and...I just really enjoyed this one a lot.

Both Saved and Lost by angelfishofthelord (13.7k) Gen Cas character study, absolutely gorgeous and sad and one of those fic I couldn’t stop thinking about the day after reading it. AU where Apocaverse!Cas isn’t immediately killed by our Cas during 13x22 but instead hitches a ride back to the main ‘verse. Dean and Sam want to keep him alive for information on Michael; Cas is torn and trying to figure out just how similar—or different—they really are. Some great angel stuff here (I also highly recommend this author’s Jack & Cas “dadstiel” fics, they’re equally lovely and heartbreaking at the same time.)

flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k) - THEE “What exactly did Dean eat in Purgatory, anyway?” fic you’ve probably already heard about. *cough* I’ve been trying to work up the courage to read this one for a while and finally gave in and OH MY CHUCK I’m so glad I did. It’s perversely disturbing and beautiful at the same time, Cas is wonderfully DERANGED and ALIEN in that way that I love it when fics managed to convey just how much angels are NOT human. Do heed the tags.

Full of Grace by ilovehowyouletmefall (11k) - Another one for the weird-as-fuck-angel!Cas lovers’ list. Heaven/canon-compliant fic where Dean knows he should feel happy and at peace but he just...isn’t, even with Cas and all of his friends and family there. He finally goes looking for Cas when he’s been absent for a time and, for the first time, gets to not just see but experience his true form. Another one that hits some kinks I knew I had and others I didn’t...until now. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

don't ask me where i've been by saltwound / @1x06 (8k) - I can never resist a good 09x06 fiction gap fic! What makes this one really stand out is how well it captures Cas’s internal voice - his struggles adapting to human senses, limitations and emotions versus what/how he experienced things as an angel. The longing and feelings between Dean & Cas here are so achingly beautiful and I just wanted to cry when Cas says he misses hearing Dean’s prayers, so Dean, he...oh, I’m not going to spoil it. *happy sigh* Just read it.

this room is wrong by DarkHeartInTheSky (12k) - Sometimes I like torturing myself with some good 15x03 divorce arc angst and this fic hit that button just so. It’s an alternative take on where Cas might have ended up after leaving the bunker and features some great Cas & Sam friendship feels, when Sam sets out to try to bring Cas home. It’s all the stuff you’d wish the writers would’ve let them talk out in canon.

Well that’s more than enough for this round! Go forth, read and give some great writers some kudos & comment love!

#fic recs #my fic recs #destiel recs #destiel #deancas recs #my destiel recs

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deancasheadcanons · 3 years

Text

Something Only I Would Know

[ao3]

1.7k words

15x20 fix-it (kinda), warning for Dean being ableist, thanks to @saywhatjessie for letting me use her headcanon that Dean could’ve been paralyzed by the rusty nail

Just as Dean was hoisting his left leg onto his bed, one of the phones rang in the library. He sighed and moved his leg rest back into place, then wheeled out to the hallway, hoping he could get to the phone in time. Sam was on a hunt with Eileen out in Iowa, and Jody and Claire were taking out some werewolves up in Nowhere, Michigan, but other than that, nobody else should be calling.

He didn’t make it in time. As he sifted through the phones to figure out where the missed call came from, something crashed in the kitchen.

“Who’s there?” he yelled forcefully, grabbing a shotgun from a table before pushing himself to the kitchen.

“Son of a bitch,” a familiar voice said just as Dean turned the corner.

He looked right at himself, all six-foot-one of himself standing in the middle of the kitchen, his legs working just fine.

“Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me,” other Dean said, progressively raising his voice until the end of the sentence was a shout. He glared up at the ceiling. “I’m gonna kill you, Chuck!”

“Which universe are you from?” Dean asked calmly.

Other Dean glared down at him, jaw clenched. “The real one. And you’re obviously from one where I’m bad enough at my job to land myself in a goddamn wheelchair. That’s real great.”

“No,” Dean said, sizing his other self up. “You’re too much like me.” A memory came back to him, something he said to himself in a situation similar to this one, years ago. “Tell me something only I would know.”

“Oh come on, don’t quote me to me.” Other Dean took a beer out of the fridge and tossed the cap in the direction of the trash can. “Although if you’re from a different universe, I guess you wouldn’t have a memory of that. I must just say the same shit in every version of myself.”

“I do have a memory of it.”

They glared at each other.

Dean said, “Camp Chitaqua.”

Other Dean blinked. “Yeah, OK.” He took a long pull from his beer, staring pointedly at the wheelchair as he did. “What year is it?”

“It’s 2022.”

Other Dean dropped into a chair at the kitchen table. “Ah, fuck. How’d we end up crippled?”

“No. Tell me something only I would know.”

Other Dean stared at him, annoyed. He lost the staring contest after half a minute, shaking his head and scoffing and then taking another long drink of beer. He then looked down at the table and said loudly, “Cas.”

“Excuse me?”

Other Dean raised his eyes. “He told me he loved—he said he loved me. And that he realized he couldn’t have what he wanted. And then the Empty took him.”

Dean ran his tongue along his top teeth. “OK, you are me.” He pushed his wheelchair forward and moved the shotgun from his lap to the table. “And you must be from 2020.”

“Oh goddamn it, I’m gonna lose my legs that soon?” Other Dean stood and said, “Christ, I need a stronger drink.”

“We don’t have anything stronger.”

“What?”

“I don’t drink anymore. The beer is for everybody else that comes through here.”

Other Dean sat back down. “Is Sam—”

“On a hunt with Eileen. Everybody’s fine. Well, except.” Dean gestured to the room and shook his head.

“Except your legs?”

He leveled himself with an impatient glare. “No. It’s a C7 spinal cord injury, and it’s really not that big of a fucking deal. I was talking about Cas.”

Other Dean looked at his beer bottle, picking at the label with his thumbs. “Chuck is trying to show us that we have no free will. He threw me here to prove that I can’t change anything about our lives.”

“Oh, like The Time Traveler’s Wife?”

Other Dean made a face at him, but then his eyebrows raised in realization. “Right, we read that a couple years ago. Man, I forgot about that. Yeah. Like, why would I try to bring Cas back if I’m sitting here with you now, and you’re telling me Cas never came back? So what’s the point of me trying to bring him back if I already know he’s not here in 2022?”

Dean’s eyebrows knit together as he thought for a minute. Eventually he said, “I know you’re me because I never told anybody that Cas is in love with me.”

“Whoa, whoa, he didn’t say—”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Dean swallowed. “Let me tell you something, alright? You’re gonna spend a couple months having no fucking idea what to do with yourself, no clue how to cope, so you and Sam are gonna try to do some run-of-the-mill hunts, and guess what? On the very first one you’re gonna break your fucking back after being impaled on some shitty nail in the wall. You’re gonna spend six months laid up in bed feeling sorry for yourself, drinking yourself stupid, wanting to die, praying yourself hoarse to Cas, and Cas is not gonna fucking show up!”

He took a ragged breath and continued, “And Jack doesn’t either. And then Sam’s gonna tell you that he needs you to get your shit together, and it’s not because he needs your help saving the world or even just needs your help on a hunt, it’s because he wants to get married, wants to marry Eileen, so you’re gonna put your sorry life back together enough to be the best man at your brother’s wedding, and that’s when you’re gonna realize that there’s more to your shit life than the selfish things that you want—things like, I don’t know, being able to walk? And having Cas.” He closed his eyes. “You’re gonna realize that Cas meant that he was in love with you, that he wanted to be with you, and you’re gonna have to deal with the enormity of that. That this—that a being so ancient and so huge and literally so incomprehensible to you that your ears bled the first time you heard him speak—that he could learn love? From your sorry ass? Look at me, Dean. Listen to what I’m saying to you.”

He waited until other Dean looked him in the eye. “Eventually you’re gonna accept the fact that Cas lived thousands of years without doing anything other than following the will of heaven, never changing course, only to meet you and learn love so completely that the only thing he wants is to be with you. The first selfish, human desire of his life. You. And you didn’t even get the time to process it, to tell him that you love him, too, before he was gone. So the best you can do is try to actually live your fucking life, because he died to save you.”

The silence between them was heavy. Eventually other Dean said, “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I never told anybody. Listen to me, Chuck said Cas didn’t do what he was supposed to do. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you—us. He changed things when he told you. So you can change things, too. Go back to your time and fucking tell somebody. Is Jack still around? For fuck’s sake, tell Jack.”

“I can’t—everything you just told me, I can’t—I haven’t…”

“Dean, listen. I know. I know how you feel. I know you, and I know you don’t trust yourself, but look at me. I’m different than you, alright? You can trust me. I just threw two years of emotional processing at you, of course you can’t deal with that. But you can do just one thing. Just one. Tell Jack.”

Other Dean studied his face. “You really are different.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean shrugged and looked at his legs. “Turns out being loved by a cosmic being changes you.”

“And being paralyzed.”

“No, trust me, that’s easier to deal with.”

Other Dean huffed a small laugh and nodded. “Uh, what are you gonna do? What happens now?”

“Don’t worry about me, you just—”

A loud crack cut Dean off, then his other self disappeared out of existence. He looked around the kitchen warily, as if something dramatic was about to happen. Instead, a phone once again began ringing in the library.

As Dean wheeled through the hallway, he felt a splitting headache and had to stop and close his eyes. Images flashed through his brain, mostly of him and Cas, and then they abruptly stopped and he felt fine. The phone was still ringing.

He only made it a few more feet before the headache returned, worse than before. Images, so fast and loud in his head that it felt like his brain would explode. When they stopped, he blinked his eyes open and had a realization.

“It’s not The Time Traveler’s Wife. It’s—” he did a 180 in his wheelchair and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of Cas standing at the end of the hall. “ — Looper.”

“Ah, we’ve finally caught up, then?” Cas said shyly as he walked toward Dean. He squatted in front of him, not in a patronizing way, but as a gesture of trust, submission. “You said it would be soon. You made me watch Looper so I would understand . Does your head feel alright?”

Dean put his hand to Cas’ face, delicately, like he might disappear if he touched him too much. “Cas.”

Cas turned his head and kissed Dean’s palm, then held his hand against his face and smiled at him. “I’m right here.”

The memories kept coming back to Dean, the changed timeline, his past self defeating Chuck and immediately telling Jack that he had to bring Cas back because he never got the chance to tell him he loved him, too. Then—still getting hurt on a hunt, still needing time to process and adjust, to give up drinking, learn how to accept Cas’ love and to love Cas properly in return—but easier this time, because Cas was there. Cas gave him space and time, all while loving him and taking care of him.

Dean took a deep breath. “C’mere, Cas.”

He didn’t wait. He pulled Cas up into his arms and buried his face in his neck and said, “I love you, you can have me. You can have me forever.”

Cas laughed gently. “I know, Dean. I love you, too.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOTES:

The Time Traveler's Wife (book) - Henry has no agency and no free will because he time travels randomly to different parts of his life and therefore knows everything that happens before it happens, and can't change any of it.

Looper (movie) - When people time travel to the past and try to change their lives, their memories change in the present as the timeline of their lives change.

#15x20 #destiel #destiel coda #15x20 coda #s15 #destiel ficlets #tf #my coda #my canon fics #listen i had to get this idea on paper i am sorry lol

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jawritter · 4 years

Text

Unlikely Places

Request: Hi! I love your work! Can you do a ABO? One where the reader is Beta, and Dean Alpha, and she’s his true mate/soulmate, but they don’t know it, and he gets possessive and goes into almost a feral rut where he tries to claim, and it almost kills her but Sam and Rowena save her and give Dean his Omega back? You come up with the plot because you’re amazing at that!! Please! I’d be forever in your debt!

A/N: This is the first time i have ever written ABO in the context. So please take it easy of me if some of the information isn’t isn’t normal ABO dynamic, or isn’t necessarily something seen in specific AU’s before! This is not a series, just a one shot! As always feedback is golden. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little nervous about posting this one. It’s the most “Non-Con” I have ever written, and it took me weeks to get this written out in a way that I thought might be acceptable. I hope you all enjoy this one!

This one was Beta’d by @squirrelnotsam! Thanks so much hun! <3

Please heed the warnings on this Fic!! Warnings: (((TRIGGER WARNING!! This fic contains Non-Con, borderline rape implications! Please take caution when reading this if something like this affects you! )))

Other Warnings: Smut, almost non-con, angst, possessive Alpha, ABO Dynamics, knotting, forced claiming, forced knotting rut, almost feral Alpha, true mates, soul mates, knotting, mentions of first heat, language, scenting, non consensual scenting, disturbing Alpha behavior. Aggression, Pain, scared reader, Dean can be pretty scary in this one. Massive age gap! 19 year old reader x 41 year old Dean! Mention of parental death of reader’s parents. Language I’m sure because it’s me.

Word count: 5244

Want More? Check Out My Masterlist!!

***MASTERLIST***

“That will be $8.97,” you tell the woman standing in front of you. She pays you for her purchase, and you hand her bag to her as the door opens and closes with a dinging chime.

Your eyes train to the large Alpha male that just walked into the filling station you were working at in Lebanon, Kansas. The Omega you were just checking out wasted no time in straightening her blouse by pulling it down lower, and making quite the show of herself as the Alpha grabbed a basket near the door, and lumbered his way over to the beer cooler, not even giving her a second look.

You had to suppress the snort as the Omega harshly grabbed the bag from the counter where she’d laid it when the Alpha had walked in the door, and made her way quickly towards the exit, leaving you alone with the Alpha as he made his way around the store, filling his little basket with things he usually buys every time he came in.

Pie, beer, jerkies of different types, sometimes toilet paper, the odd Playboy as well as the next copy of Busty Asian Beauty, lube.

You weren’t worried about being left alone in the small store with the rather large and very attractive Alpha. It’s not like it was the first time he’d ever been there, and it wasn’t like he would have any interest in you, a beta.

By law, you weren’t even allowed to speak to him unless he spoke to you first. Betas were considered even lower than Omegas and weren’t allowed to address an Alpha directly. You had to choose your words wisely when it comes to Omegas too, but they weren’t nearly as hard about that law as they were with the Alphas.

You watched quietly from behind the counter as the Alpha picked up the newest porn magazine from the rack and placed it in his basket after thumbing through a few pages.

You wondered if the Alpha lived alone. He carried himself like a bachelor, you never saw him with an Omega, nor had he expressed any interest in any Omega that was in the store the same time he was, male or female. Maybe something was wrong with him physically that prevented him from having those hormone-driven urges that seemed to rule the Alpha and Omega community?

Whatever the reason, the Alpha seemed to be almost done with his shopping, so he made his way over the counter with his basket, setting it down before finally looking up at you, giving you a tight smile before grabbing a few candy bars and adding them to his pile of stuff.

You returned his smile with a little more enthusiasm than what was probably necessary, but you couldn’t help it. Alpha or not, the man was sex on two bowed legs, and you weren’t dead.

Instead of speaking, when you had his total, you turned the screen to him so that he could read his total. This was your usual routine with the Alphas that came in the store; it was just safer.

His piercing green eyes seemed to burn a little as he tilted his head to the side and looked at you, or as much of you as he could see through the counter. Something in his stare made you want to blush; even though Alphas and Betas were not compatible physically, you felt like he was sizing you up. You had no scent strong enough that he would be attracted to, and you weren’t anatomically able to take his knot, which from what you understand was necessary to fulfill his needs.

You were 19 years old. If you were going to be anything other than a Beta by now you were positive you would have presented. You still had not, so the Alpha staring at you made you literally take a step back away from the counter, your heart rate spiking as hungry eyes watched you curiously, like he was noticing you for the first time even though you’d rang up his items a thousand times before.

“What’s your name?” he grunts, and his baritone voice sends a shiver down your spine, landing somewhere deep in your stomach, making it do a flip of sorts.

“Y/N,” you answer shortly, utterly unaccustomed to talking to Alphas. There was no one Alpha that you could recall that had ever spoken to you, and you had been working at this filling station since you were 16.

Your parents were killed by a demon when you were very small, and you were delivered to an Omega compound when you were only 12 by the man that saved your life. It was assumed you would present as an Omega because you came from what they all called a “pure” bloodline.

Much to the community leaders disappointment you never presented. So they kicked you out on your ass to fend for yourself, and you were lucky to have landed this job, and the Omega owner let you sleep in the back part of the storehouse.

Finding a place to live on your own as a beta, and at such a young one was virtually impossible, and you would have been dead by now if it wasn’t for her. You never told her about your past, and you never intended to, after all, who else in this twisted world would believe in demons.

The green-eyed Alpha leaned forward slightly, breathing in deeply, his nostrils flaring as he attempted to scent you from a distance, and you put your finger on the panic button just under the cigarette counter you were leaning against, ready to push it if he tried to cross the counter. Sure, you would probably be dead before the cops got there, but at least they would be able to find the security footage and maybe track him down.

You didn’t know what triggered this behavior from him, he’d never done anything like this before, and you wondered if he had just scented the Omega that was previously here, and just thought it was you.

The Alpha placed a large hand on the counter, about to start making his way around it when the door dinged again, and a skinny Beta man you thought you’d never see again entered the store.

“Dean! There you are? What’s taking so long buddy? Sam’s ready to get back to his Omega?” he said as he approached the green-eyed Alpha you now knew was named “Dean”, smiling as he noticed you standing behind the counter.

“Y/N? Little Y/N Y/L/N is that you?” he asked as he shoved the large Alpha aside, and leaned against the counter to talk to you. Earning himself a very disgruntled look from the Alpha and the Beta’s boldness.

“Hey Garth, it’s been a while,” you said, smiling at him warmly. You had met Garth years ago when he showed up to the Omega community you were living at not long after you’d been dumped there, taking a few Omegas there for safety after he wrapped up a hunt in Salt Lake City.

“No kidding! Look at you all grown up. What are you doing here?” he asked, totally ignoring Dean as his eyes narrowed, looking swiftly between yourself and Garth as if he was annoyed that he was missing something.

“Well, I never presented, so they marked me down as Beta when I was sixteen, I’ve been living and working here ever since. What are you doing here? There’s not another Demon around is there?” you asked, and before Garth could answer, Dean spoke up directly to Garth, who, for some reason, seemed completely unfazed by the large, and brooding Alpha leering at him.

“Wait a minute, what’s going on here? She knows about the life?” Dean said, pointing at you as if you were a piece of furniture, and you weren’t standing there at all. Typical Alpha male behavior, but you knew better than to call him out on it.

“Yeah! A group of hunters saved her from a particularly nasty Demon when she wasn't but twelve, and dropped her off at the hunting Omega compound. Looks like that didn’t work out though.” Garth said, giving you an apologetic look.

Dean turned his gaze to you, that same hungry look burning just below the surface as he took you in from head to toe. A deep growl low in his chest that made Garth burst into laughter, and you look at Garth as if he had finally lost his damn mind.

“Just ignore Dean, he’s an old Alpha who’s on the edge of a rut for the first time in too long. His brother and his Omega just moved into their bunker up the road here, and it’s triggered his hormones again.” Garth said with an eye roll, totally ignoring Dean as his eyes widened, and he looked at Garth like he could rip his throat out with his teeth for divulging that little bit of information.

“Come on Dean; we need to go, Sam’s gonna kill you if you wait any longer,” Garth said, grabbing the card from Dean’s pocket and throwing it on the counter for you to ring up his stuff. You quickly bagged his items, handed them to the Alpha along with his credit card as Garth blubbered on about something you weren’t even really listening to, doing all you could to ignore the burning, tingling feeling that the Alpha’s skin left on yours as your hand touched his.

The rest of the day progressed much as every day would. You could have sworn you saw that black Impala he was driving when you closed up that night, but you thought you must be imagining things, and locked the door before making your way to your makeshift bedroom in the back of the warehouse. Falling into an uneasy sleep, that seemed to be haunted by green eyes.

The next morning you trudged your way over to the front door to open up for the day, still rubbing your eyes and yawning widely. You didn’t see Dean until he pushed the door open almost on top of you before you could step back as if he was waiting on the door to open. You stumbled back out of his way in surprise, fully awake now. Dean said nothing, just came very close to you, scenting the air around you before tilting his head to look at you curiously.

You didn’t speak, you didn’t move, hell you were too afraid to do anything but stand there holding on the counter next to the coffee pots.

Leaning over your shoulder, Dean brushes his body against your own as he reaches behind you, and grabs a coffee cup, filling it with black coffee all while keeping you virtually pinned to the counter. His body moving over your much smaller frame made an involuntary shiver roll through your body as he pulled away from you, and made his way over to one of the small booth seats next to the window before making himself comfortable there. His green eyes followed your every move as you quickly made your way to hide behind the counter.

Your entire body was shaking as you tried to get a grip on yourself, as well as your imagination that was running wild in your head. It was effectively putting all kinds of thoughts that shouldn’t be there, thoughts that were not only so far fetched they were laughable, but thoughts of Dean’s hands on your skin, thoughts of Dean’s powerful body moving above yours in a way that made you almost whimper.

Shaking yourself, you continue about your day, choosing to ignore the large Alpha once you have calmed down enough to move from behind the counter. Dean never left his booth except to go to the bathroom. He stayed there literally all day long, just watching your every move. Never speaking to you, never getting close to you again, just watching. When you closed that night, you had to finally speak directly to him, to get him out of there, even though you knew you weren’t supposed to address him without being addressed first.

“Dean, I’m closing, you have to leave,” you tell him in a voice you hope sounded more confident than you felt. Dean said nothing, his green eyes racking over your body before he stands and leaves without so much as a word, and you lock the door quickly behind him.

The next week went on much of the same. Dean would be there as soon as the door unlocked. Thankfully you had learned to move when you opened the door. He’d take his seat in the booth after scenting you, then would stay there until you made him leave, just watching you.

You knew Alphas could become possessive of Betas, it was rare, but it did happen. You also knew that possessive Alpha’s could be dangerous, and had the tendency to be violent towards the Betas they have become possessive over, or they could become brutal to people around them in general.

Dean was an older Alpha. If you had to guess, he was in his early 40’s and unmated. Things like this happened when Alphas went unmated for too long.

You tried to text Garth, but he didn’t answer, he was probably on a case somewhere. You knew Garth said that he was about to go into rut, and with Dean’s behavior as of late, you hoped that Garth was just joking. Cause a rut could mean he’d try and hurt you.

The next day you didn’t see Dean all day long. You thought maybe he found something else to be focused on or obsessed with. That or Garth got your text, and alerted this Sam they were talking about to Dean’s strange behavior. Part of you was relieved, and part of you was disappointed. Sure, you knew you and Dean could never be a thing, and staring aside, he did make you feel a little safer when he was around, and he definitely made you blush every time he looked at you like he wanted to touch you.

Three more days passed without Dean making an appearance, and you had all but gave up on ever seeing Dean again. You check to make sure everything is off before trudging your way towards the little bedroom you had made for yourself. Your mind on Dean, and not really on your surroundings, you almost miss the large man standing in your room when you turned your light off, almost, a possessive growl let you know you weren’t alone pretty quickly.

The hair stood up on the back of your neck as you turned slowly to find Dean, standing in the middle of your room with nothing but a low hanging pair of sweats that were doing very little to hide his thick length that was straining against the fabric.

Your core clenched around nothing, and a shiver ran through your body as you took in the Alpha, his broad shoulders and strong chest on full display as it rose and fell rapidly with each quickened breath, sweat prickling his skin as he stood in the dim light. His tattoo shines boldly on his chest, you knew of as an anti possession tattoo from your time at the compound. You backed up and he took a step towards you, a deep purring coming from him as his lust blown eyes scanned your body.

“Dean, you need to leave,” you tell him, knowing full well that wasn’t going to happen. He was in rut, and you were the object he’d chosen to fixate on, and now you were pretty sure he was going to kill you.

Dean, back you slowly towards your bed, growling low in his throat as his body came down over yours as you fell onto your bed. He was nuzzling his face deep in your neck, scenting you and purring as his teeth ran over your throat.

“Dean, you need to stop, I’m not an Omega. We can’t do this, you will hurt me,” you beg him even though your body was screaming for the Alpha hovering over you, now nipping at the skin of your hroat.

“Not an Omega, still mine. You want me, I can smell it,” he said as he ripped your shirt from your body as if the materially wasn’t made of anything at all. The cold air hitting your skin made you gasp, large hands roaming all the free skin as his mouth claimed yours dominating you easily. His tongue sliding over yours as his huge hands pulled your shorts and underwear from your body. He threw them to the floor before he discarded his own sweats.

“Dean, think about this, I can’t take your knot, this isn’t going to do anything but frustrate you further,” you attempt to make him see reason, even though your body was arching into him as if he couldn’t get close enough, his thick cock sliding through your dripping folds, gathering as much of your slick as he could. Purring and licking at your throat as he did so.

Dean was huge, you had heard that Alphas were large, but Dean was so big that you weren’t sure he’d get in all the way. You’d only ever been with Betas before, and you were convinced that he was twice the size of any of them without his knot.

“Mine,” Dean growled against your skin as he pushed into you, fully seating himself inside of you in one thrust, surprising you. The stretching was almost painful: you had never felt so full in all of your life. Dean’s mouth fell open in an inhuman growl as his lips latched around your nipple, sucking and biting as his hips began to snap into yours. He pulled himself almost all the way out before fully penetrating you again. Each powerful thrust on the edge of pure bliss and too much.

You were almost sure that you could practically scent him as he continued to pound himself into your body, over and over again hitting that stop deep down inside of you that no one had ever been able to reach before. Purrs and growls falling from his lips as teeth repeatedly grazed the same spot on your neck. You could feel the coil tightening in your stomach with each powerful thrust, and before long, you were coming undone around him. Dean continued to fuck you through it. Groaning and sucking a mark onto your shoulder as spots appeared before your vision.

Your head lulled back as you came down from your high. Dean’s body continued to slam into your own.

That’s when you felt it, the stinging pain that was the beginnings of his knot. You knew he was about to split you open, and you did everything you could to get him off of you, scratching, and biting seemed to only push him on. Possessive growls left his lips with each thrust into your abused heat.

“Dean, please stop, I can’t,” you begged him as you felt his knot start to swell further, and pain began to radiate through your body. Dean was too far gone, an animalistic look on his face as he quickened his pace.

You screamed as his knot popped, locking the two of you together as he came, his teeth sank deep into the skin of your throat as your mouth fell open in a scream that never came out. Your vision goes black as indescribable pain radiated through your body. The last thing you remember was Dean purring above you as everything faded to black.

Time seemed to be moving at a strange pace after that. You would get flashes of what you only assumed could be reality because of the blinding pain radiating through our body. You could have sworn you heard Dean apologizing to you between whining noises as he carried you somewhere. Then there was the sound of the Impala starting, after that, you didn't know much. Except for pain, you knew pain because it felt like it was burning through every fiber of your being.

When you woke up again, the pain was gone, but the first thing you saw was fiery red hair, making you jump, which caused pain to shoot through your body again.

“Easy there, dear, you’ve been through a lot; let’s not move around too quickly,” her thick accent and motherly voice seemed soothing to you, and you slowly tried to calm your breathing.

“Where am I? Who are you?” you asked, eyes shooting around the room that looked like an old infirmary.

“You’re in the Men of Letters Bunker. Poor Dean brought you here after he almost killed you.”

Your heart rate spiked up at the thought of Dean. You didn’t know if you were afraid of him, or more anxious to see him again. The whining sound he was making as he carried you to his car was still so clear in your ears, and even though he did this to you, something in you told you that he didn’t mean to do it. That he wasn’t in control, he would have never hurt you of his own free will. If so, he wouldn’t have brought you here, but instead left you there to die.

“Where is Dean?” you asked her as she fussed over your neck bandages where Dean had bitten you.

“He’s locked in his room until he is out of his rut, not by choice mind you, he’s not happy about being kept away from you. He should be out of it by the end of the day. Last I checked on him, and he will be happy to hear you're awake, the name’s Rowena by the way, “ she said as she walked over to the old book sitting at a table in the corner of the room.

You watched as the older Omega woman flipped through the old book's pages in front of her, adding ingredients to the bowl sitting on the table next to her.

“Why did he do this to me?” you asked her just as the door opened and closed with Garth, and another very large Alpha entered the room with long brown hair.

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out. Rowena here is the best witch in the business, and if there’s a way to solve this, she can.” Garth said as he flopped down at the foot of your bed. “This is Sam, by the way, Dean’s little brother.”

Sam nodded politely at you before making his way over to Rowena.

“What we don’t understand is why my brother tried to claim and knot a beta. He doesn’t understand it either. All we can get out of him is that you're his mate and that he needs to see you. I'm sure you don’t want that to happen, especially after what he did to you, so we’ve locked him in his room.” Sam said, his eyes barely leaving the book.

“I’ve heard of a lot of strange things, but I’ve never heard of an Alpha trying to claim and knot a beta as if she was an Omega, and then calling her his mate,” Garth said.

“He’s been following me around for days now, and then he just showed up and…”

You were cut off by a banging on the door, followed by a loud whining, you recognized as Dean. Rowena’s eyes flashed a purple color, and she turned to smile at everyone in the room as the incessant whining and banging continued.

“Don’t worry, he’s not getting through that door, you should rest Dear,” she told you as the room started to get fuzzy, you were sure she was the cause of your sudden drowsiness in attempt to keep you from further agitating Dean, but you didn’t have time to respond to her before you fell back into a deep sleep.

------------------------------------

The next thing you remember is feeling warm, very warm, as if a body was pressed against yours. That’s what made your eyes snap open to see Dean’s worried gaze as he lay in the bed next to you, your body scooped up and pressed tight against his own, holding onto you as if he could protect you from all danger.

Deep whines mixed with purrs filled the room as he nuzzled himself into you gently, scenting you deeply as if he could scent you.

“This is a Bad Idea,” Sam’s voice came from the other side of the room. He was clearly keeping his distance from the Alpha that was holding you.

“He’s not going to hurt her, Sam,” Rowena said. Shifting very close to you, setting a bowl down next to you with strange ingredients inside.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I swear I would have never done that if I could have stopped, I would have, I never wanted to hurt you,” Dean mumbled, kissing your forehead gently as if you were some fragile thing. His large body all but covering your protectively as you fought against your groggy state.

“We think we know what the problem is,” Garth said from somewhere behind Dean. “See all those years ago, that Demon must have done something to you, sort of like what Azazel did to Sam. You were an experiment. One that intended to turn Omega’s into Beta’s before they even presented. There are traces of the Omega gene in your blood. Crowley mentioned something about it a long time ago, but we didn’t know he was successful. The only explanation is that you were Dean’s true mate, and he can somehow still sense it, which is why he went almost feral and tried to claim you.”

You could almost feel the anxiety rolling off of Dean’s body, and you instinctively nuzzled his hold, earning purrs of approval from the Alpha above you.

“See that, she senses he’s nervous, and she’s trying to comfort him. She’s his Omega, I just got to get the spell right to fix this,” Rowena said, shuffling around in her bowl.

“So what are you all gonna do to me?” you asked as Dean tightened the covers around the both of you, pulling you deeper into him.

“We’re going to turn you into an Omega,” Sam says, handing Rowena a strange vile of something to add to her bowl.

You look up at Dean nervously, and he places his lips softly on yours in a chaste kiss.

“It’s gonna be okay; I wouldn’t let them do this if it was going to hurt you. They’re just gonna fix what that sick asshole did to you all those years ago.” Dean said, his deep baritone voice was comforting to you, and you could swear that you could almost feel the bond between the two of you, and you were still technically a beta.

“Okay, dear, we’re ready,” Rowena said as she placed the bowl on the bed next to you, and you buried your face in Dean’s throat.

You could hear her making incantations, and things first. Then a strange tingling started to stretch through your body. Scents became stronger; you could smell Dean first. His own mouth-watering musk, mixed with evergreen and gunpowder, then Sam, and Rowena.

Your skin started to heat up as Dean’s body tense above your own, purring as Rowena ended her spell. Pressing his nose to your neck he scented you deeply.

Your body felt new, refreshed even. The soreness that was there from what Dean had done was gone, and you could feel everything Dean felt. Every emotion, every fear. It was all so overwhelming. Reaching up, you pulled the bandage away from your neck, revealing the mark Dean had left there. His claim still shines against your skin, as even though you knew he thought it would be gone.

Rowena clapped her hands behind you as Dean ran his tongue along the claiming mark on your neck, and slick started to gather at your thighs in response to your Alpha. “Well, my job here is done. Call me if you all need me, oh and enjoy, dear,” she said, patting Dean on the shoulder as she made her way to the door. Dean picked you up bridal style, making his way towards his room that would now be your room.

Not stopping until he had you laid down on his bed, lying down close to you before pulling you into him, purring as he nipped at the skin of your throat.

“My Omega,” he purred against you, an overwhelming feeling of peace washing over you with each touch of his large, warm hand against your small frame.

“My Alpha,” you tell him, nuzzling closer to him, letting his scent wash over you in waves.

“I thought you didn’t exist, I thought I was doomed to die alone. Then when I found you, I thought I had lost my mind. Then when I came to myself in your room… I’m so sorry, Omega, I will never hurt you again,” Dean said, his voice cracking as he pulled his clothes from his body, throwing them to the floor as you did the same. Desperate to feel your Alpha’s skin on yours. Heat roars through your veins as his body wrapped around yours, his half-hard cock resting on your thighs as he settles himself to lay between your legs.

You place your small hand on his chest as his lips claim yours in an intoxicating kiss before rolling himself on top of you. Grinding his hips against yours, rutting his hardening length against your clit as the first wave of cramps rolls through your stomach of your first heat. Slick gushing over him as he pressed himself against your entrance, knowing what your body needed, and ready to give it to you. The foreplay could come later; right now, he just needed to be as close to you as possible.

“It’s okay Alpha. In a lot of ways, I’m so glad you found me. I was sleeping in a storage closet for fucks sakes.”

Dean growled as he entered you slowly in one smooth thrust. The amount of slick your body was creating made a smooth entrance, and he held himself still inside of you as his lips claimed yours. Your walls fluttering around his throbbing length as your body welcomed him like a missing piece that finally was in place after being lost for so long. Both of you groaned in relief as he filled you.

“Gonna take care of you Omega, no more sleeping in storage rooms. I can’t give you much, but I can give you all that I have, and I can protect you with everything in me.”

Dean hips snap into you in a rough thrust as his instincts begin to take over, and your heat starts to take the forefront of his attention.

“I’m all yours Alpha. Always will be.”

There was a lot you still had to learn about being an Omega, and you still didn't even know your Alpha really, but you knew one thing, you were so glad he found you. Pain and all, it was worth it.

Fate always finds a way, even with everything against you. In the most unlikely places, even after you gave up hope. That’s one lesson you will never forget.

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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Since the finale aired, I’ve been yammering on about how it would’ve only worked as a finale to s2, and now that I’m actually rewatching s2, I stand by that even more staunchly. The finale doesn’t work in a post-s2 supernatural universe.

This is the version of Dean we saw in the finale-- the one whose only mission in life was to Save Sammy, to help him get his revenge and allow him to go out and live a Normal Safe Life pretending that hunting and monsters don’t exist. The one who just wanted some pie, to drive his car, and had no real connections beyond Sam in the world outside of Bobby. Even Dean’s characterization in the finale is this far younger Dean who’d never allowed himself to crack open and truly understand love. It would take me years to plow through everything I’ve ever written about him as a character and his long struggle to emotional maturity we saw evolve over the next 13 years beyond this episode, but the tl;dr will always be “this s2 Dean is the same as the Dean in the finale.”

The goal of s2 was saving SAM from his “destiny,” too. In this era of the show, Dean didn’t have a “destiny” the same way Sam did. The ONLY thing that mattered was freeing Sam from “becoming evil,” and being manipulated into terrible things. What Dean wanted, what he was “destined” for by the narrative was irrelevant, because all of his choices and emotional burdens were tied only to saving Sam. To freeing Sam so he could safely return to his “normal life.” Go back to college, have a family and the white picket fence life.

This was before Dean truly began fighting for HIMSELF. Which only really and truly began after he sells his soul to resurrect Sam. That’s when Dean truly begins fighting for himself. Sure, he’s angry with John during s2 for trading his own life for Dean’s, for putting the burden of “if you can’t save Sam, you’ll have to kill him” on his shoulders with his dying breath, but Dean is still fighting against John’s authority and the complicated tangle of feelings of his own childhood and not actually coming to terms with his own wants and needs and wishes out beyond that yet. He’s still unwittingly confronting the “destiny” John had set up for him, and hasn’t moved beyond that yet. It’s only trading his soul for Sam’s that finally brings Dean into the cosmic narrative that will fuel his introspection and personal growth for the rest of the series.

And out beyond that point, his entire character arc explodes into orbit.

Dean’s entire character arc in s3 is confronting this very basic fact: he doesn’t deserve to have been sacrificed just to save Sam. He doesn’t deserve that burden, and he does deserve to live. This is the realization he comes to before eventually being dragged to Hell and then rescued by an angel, who literally tells him, “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” in the aftermath of that. From that point on, we have TWELVE SEASONS of Dean struggling with what he “deserves” versus what is “fate” and “destiny” and eventually confronting what he WANTS if he truly could choose his own destiny.

Plus, out beyond that point, he has Cas. And nothing changes Dean, pushes him to grow and understand himself, and accept himself-- all of himself, from the good to the horrific-- than the pure and unflinching acceptance of Castiel. Cas never looked at him and said “you are evil,” or “you are worthless.” (well, they’ve both said some pretty awful stuff to each other over the years, but there was either brainwashing or other deeper issues pushing those things on them, and they have ALWAYS eventually come back to one another, and the awful stuff was dealt with). Point is, Dean and Cas both began running these parallel arcs of duty versus desire, and for Dean, the duty was always framed around “taking care of Sam” versus pursuing any sort of ambition or goals for himself. They would fight for this for most of the rest of the series, until eventually the goal for ALL of them would be about discovering what they would want for themselves.

The show explicitly dealt with this, repeatedly, over later seasons, asking all of the characters the big questions: is this what you would choose for yourself? What WOULD you choose for yourself if you could?

And then they made the narrative of the final season, of the final Big Bad, the fact that they had NEVER had real freedom, and that their entire lives (and the entire history of not only this universe but every parallel universe) had been Chuck’s Puppet Theater, and true free will had been a lie all this time. Pushing all of the characters to confront their own choices and understand what about who they were as people was separate from what Chuck pushed them into choosing and doing all these years. The main thing that Dean (and also Cas, and to the extent she was included in the narrative this was Eileen’s issue as well) were being pushed to come to terms with what really was real, and were their feelings and choices their own or imposed on them for the furtherance of Chuck’s story.

At the end of the road, finally free and out from under Chuck’s control, they knew what was real. For Sam and Eileen, they had chosen each other. Cas had chosen Dean, but Dean hadn’t yet had a chance to reply, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows what he would’ve said in return. It’s what Cas stopped him from saying even back in Purgatory in 15.09. And yet, for some reason Sam and Dean forgot all of that, as if none of it had ever even really happened at all, and we went right back to who they were right after they finally defeated the YED, before we even knew Azazel had a name, let alone the fact that the ultimate boogeyman of their entire lives to that point had been nothing more than a fanatic pawn in a much larger destiny for both of them.

The end of s2 was the last time Dean sacrificing himself so Sam could have a normal life, where Dean really felt there was nothing more for himself than fulfilling his father’s orders to save Sammy, even feels remotely plausible. It’s the last time we can feel like Dean might find peace and contentment in a Heaven where John is nearby to be proud of him, and where Dean would actually feel like that validation was even relevant to his own life.

And that finally brings me back to s2, where that was actually addressed through John’s self-sacrifice to save Dean, to serve Dean up to the narrative and provide a stage for this self-transformative journey INTO being a version of John himself. Only... Dean DOESN’T choose that. He fights to save Sam at all costs, even when it seems clear that the right answer would probably be to KILL Sam instead. When not only the ghost of John Winchester plaguing Dean’s mind would make him doubt his own drive to save his brother, but the John Winchester Insert Character of s2-- Gordon Walker-- basically put Dean’s own doubts out there in plain words in 2.10:

GORDON: I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this. Look, let's say you were cruising around in that car of yours and, uh, you had little Hitler riding shotgun, right? Back when he was just some goofy, crappy artist. But you knew what he was going to turn into someday. You'd take him out, no questions, am I right?

DEAN: That's not Sam.

GORDON: Yes it is. You just can't see it yet. Dean, it's his destiny. Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would wreck him. But your dad? If it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. But you're telling me you're not the man he is?

This, the episode where Dean finally confesses John’s final orders to Sam, where Dean has decided that saving Sam is all that matters, even when circumstance and everyone else is practically screaming at him that this could all be over if only he gave in-- be it his own self-sacrifice OR killing Sam. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the universe doesn’t care (and neither does Chuck... especially at this point... and the proof of that is Sam’s s15 nightmares where one of Chuck’s alternate universe endings for Sam and Dean was Sam actually going Darkside on demon blood and killing Dean... any iteration of the old drama, Chuck has explored all potential endings-- oh, except the ending where TFW gets to just be happy and live... that’s the one ending they never get and the only one they deserved in the end).

also from 2.10... loads of chat about “destiny” and one of Dean’s first “we should just lay all this shit down and take a vacation” moments when he suggests they go to Amsterdam and enjoy some of the not-coffee-coffee-shops, which Sam counters by doubling down on the fact that Dean has a destiny in all this as much as Sam does:

SAM: Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN: Ah, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM: You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

SAM: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN: I can try.

And that’s it, right there. This is the “neither of you can try for a normal life outside of the other while the other is still alive.” This is Sam pinning a destiny to Dean that’s just as inescapable within Chuck’s narrative as Sam’s demon blood and psychic powers.

This is the core essence of Chuck’s story about them. The sibling dynamic that Chuck failed to free himself from, and that Sam and Dean failed to free themselves from after Chuck’s demise in 15.19.

Destiny. One must die so the other can live.

And considering the next 13 seasons of the show and the long and emotionally grueling character arcs Sam and Dean proceed through where they truly confront the core of who they are as people-- as individuals outside of their duty and destiny-- the finale ceases to make any sense outside of Chuck’s narrative for them. If 15.20 really happened exactly as we saw it on screen, then Chuck still won.

And they had to loop Sam and Dean all the way back to where they were emotionally at the end of s2 in order to make it seem plausible. Which, for those of us who actually care about what they endured after s2, makes the finale entirely implausible as a whole.

#spn 2.10 #spn 15.20 #spiders georg of the tnt loop #while i was writing this up i also watched 2.11 and yep... still holds up #the ghost of john winchester #chuck's process

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