#so at the very least anon: you aren't going through this alone

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm trans nonbinary and I really kind of hate myself for it and feel like such a fucking freak and I don't even know why because I didn't even grow up around a lot of homophobia or anything. I let everyone assume I'm a (trans) man because in my head if someone found out I was nonbinary they would just think I'm so fucking wierd, even when I'm in spaces or with people I know for a fact wouldn't actually think any of that. I don't feel this way about anyone else, just me. I'm really sorry if this is too much of a vent kind of thing I totally get you deleting it or whatever, but any advice you have would be really great.

I want to preface this by emphatically saying: Nobody here (least of all myself!) are judging you. I am sure many trans people who are following this blog know how you feel intimately. It's a consequence of the world we live in, not an intrinsic failure of character. I want to make this clear because you were incredibly vulnerable and I don't want you to worry that your vulnerability is a bad thing. It takes a lot to open up like this, no matter if you're on anon or not.

I've talked about this before, but this is a process that takes... a long time to work through, if I'm honest. I've been out since I was a young teenager, and now as an adult I still fall into the trappings of feeling similarly to you. What helped for me is to generally avoid judging myself for when I do feel like this. I think trying to outright ignore how you feel is very inefficient - I have tended to be a person who needs to feel those awful feelings so that I can look back and notice exactly what went wrong. I wouldn't specifically recommend that you do this - I have had many years of combating internalized transphobia to feel this is effective for myself. But, regardless of where you are in your journey of internal acceptance, I will advise this: don't judge yourself for these feelings. It is easy to do, but you don't deserve to have even more feelings of shame, isolation, or overall feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.

Often, we won't know exactly "why" we feel these feelings of internalized transphobia. For me, I also didn't grow up with outright homophobia, but I did grow up with the idea that I would only be loved if I was cishet, so when I discovered I was neither, it was jarring. I thought I would never be loved. And years later, I became open to the idea that I might have been wrong because there were people along the way - friends, certain family, strangers, even - who showed the love I felt I surrendered when I realized who and what I was.

It has helped me to expose myself to other trans people, as well. It's a delicate balance, at times, because there are moments where I find myself growing envious of another trans person for the way I perceive their own transition. It's a natural response, I guess, a natural human response that is amplified when you are part of a group that is often maligned. But I have found that the pros outweigh the cons: I see trans people of all identities now, trans people who look like me, who have incredibly similar experiences, who taught me so much about what it actually means to love and be loved. It's funny, because I'm largely a trans man (with caveats), yet some of the people who have deeply impacted me forever weren't always the same as I am (in fact, one of the first true "I look up to this person" experiences was from a trans woman who I still to this day admire and look up to).

I'm not going to lie, this (how you're feeling) is an incredibly common, but sometimes devastating result of so many factors. While we all go about these feelings in different ways, it can be hard. Therefore, it's important that we support each other. I want to offer my support to you, and let you know that you aren't going to be looked at by others in the way you might fear. It's hard to even conceptualize, honestly, but I am being honest. I understand that some of what I might have said won't resonate with you now, or ever, and that's okay. When we have a community to talk about ideas as a way of support, we can start to have more resources that we might be able to utilize effectively.

Your vulnerability right now isn't going unnoticed. It took a lot to express this, and I hope you might read this and feel even slightly better. I wish nothing but good things for you, nothing but bountiful joy and understanding that you deserve so much from this world.

[signedkoko]

Howdy! I have to questions, one is that I was wondering if I could be 🎧 anon? Secondly I was wondering if could request Stolas x Reader and like a blurb of reader becoming a parental figure to Octavia?

Stolas X Reader [Romantic]

In which Stolas introduces you to his daughter, and how your relationship with Octavia blooms.

Stolas and you met around the same time as his divorce was going through its first stages

You yourself were getting a divorce and had recommended to him the attorney you had for handling settlements, as well as offered the support of 'hey, at least we aren't alone!'

Later, he ran into you at a formal gala, where you both indulged in getting to know one another; you joked about how your divorces went and updated one another on life

Stolas found you so easy to talk to, and he found himself a lot less stressed when he was able to share his thoughts with someone more level-headed

Your dating life comes slow as you both work around your past and try to forgive yourself for where you've ended up, but it all feels so much easier having someone with you

You are the one to make things official, inviting him to a private dinner where you confess

Even though you told him you'd wait till he was ready, Stolas was ready right then and there and gladly accepted

He is noticeably happier and has much less trouble when Stella tries to ruin his mood

When it comes to his daughter, though, he doesn't want to rush her into meeting you, and you are more than fine staying away from his home until she is ready

Stolas mentions that he is seeing someone and tells her he won't take it any further until she gives him the right of way

When she does ask to meet you, you make sure it's just the two of you and go out for brunch at a cafe you think she'll like

Octavia is also pretty harmed by her mother, so she is very reluctant to open up to you, but she knows she likes you

You are calm, never in a rush, and always go with the flow

She likes talking to you about her parents because you never seem jealous or rude, and meeting up with you eventually becomes a habit

You really win her over when you buy concert tickets and say, 'Accidentally got a second, so you really would love if she could come with you! Oh, wha! Its your favourite band? Mine too!'

You have an amazing time, and Stolas is overjoyed to see her come back chatting you up and excitedly showing off her merchandise

He hadn't seen her like that in so long

Octavia is more than happy to have you as a parent

The first time she calls you mom is an accident

It happens on your birthday when she gifts you a record of the album you both heard at your first concert together

She never stops calling you mom after, though

Author's Note - I love Octavia sm she deserves a NICE HAPPY AND HEALTHY HOME RN!! RIGHT NOW!!! And welcome to the blog anon!! I added you so long ago and I feel so bad for the wait you had to go through,,,plz forgive me,,,,

[ao3topshipsbracket]

prompted by nothing in particular, things I learned that I'd pass down as advice to anyone intending to do a large multifandom bracket tournament:

Imagine your bracket inspiring wild enough discourse that someone makes a Hall of the Mountain King edit. No, really, imagine it. Imagine that going down in your activity feed. Imagine being known across the site for that. Does this prospect fill you, on some level, with delight? If not, you may not be cut out for a large multifandom bracket tournament.

Do not try to do a large multifandom bracket alone. You need a team, and the bigger your audience gets the more of a team you need. You especially need a team if you're potentially working with a bunch of things you've never heard of. For a smaller bracket with an activity feed that's more reasonable to keep track of, you don't necessarily need multiple blog admins, but you at the very least need a groupchat so you aren't making all the decisions alone.

Your guys might lose. In fact, your guys will probably lose, since there can only be one winner. The sooner you accept this the better for all involved.

You are the mod. It is your job to be impartial, no matter what. You can hate and rage against one of your options in private. In public? The things you hate are valid contenders exactly like every other. If you really can't bring yourself to be at the very least neutral about something in public, just don't include it.

This also means that you have to be evenhanded. You can reveal your personal biases once finals are set in stone but if you're perceived as making policies that favor your guys that shit gets ugly and it gets ugly fast. Remember: everyone can see the vote percentages perfectly well on the post! The winner of the vote gets highlighted! People can see these things!

Keep anon off. If it looks like it's going to get at all heated, turn blog comments off and keep them off. Don't publish any type of ask you aren't okay with getting more of.

DO NOT RESPOND TO THE TAGS. You can respond to asks, if you really want to, and you've thought through the consequences, but do not respond to the tags. This is the other reason that you need a groupchat, ideally a groupchat full of likeminded individuals who have good takes and are fairly levelheaded: bringing bad or annoying or even just funny takes to the groupchat will give you the strength to not respond to the tags, the serenity to not respond to the tags, and the wisdom to not respond to the tags.

You cannot prevent voter fraud. You can accept voter fraud, or you can have a meltdown about voter fraud. In a small bracket (votes in the triple digits) you can ask people nicely not to fraud, and this will probably even work if you're not in mcyt fandom, but once you get to the tens of thousands it does not work at all. Even if nobody actually frauds, it's easy to accuse the other side of fraud and difficult to prove innocence; people can and will abuse this. Accepting fraud is literally always going to be less stress for you and I highly recommend it. Also, it's funny.

Try to establish policies before things come up, rather than reacting in the heat of the moment. Once you have made a policy, stick to it. Relatedly, when you are making policies, ask yourself very seriously if they're policies you're willing to stick to.

Things you will likely need policies on: Do you publish propaganda? Do you reblog propaganda? What is the line for being an asshole beyond which you block? What do you do in case of a tie?

"There can't be that many fans of [whatever]" is always wrong. There can always be that many fans of whatever.

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[s1m0nth3swag]

Hello, Simon! I enjoyed reading some of your recent works for Francis Mosses 🥺 is it okay to request for period comfort? keep it SFW please! I'm just in a emotional rollercoaster right now because of it and I don't see much sfw works of Francis here on Tumblr. Thank you so much in advance! 🤎

Tysm for the ask anon, so sorry it took this long!

I've been working on some personal projects recently and have had less time to write (especially since I now have to actually take care of some of my grades because some aren't looking too good.... whatever, though I'm balling through, it'll be fine)

Also, I'm so so sorry this is short because, uhm, how do I write about period comfort when all I usually do is ball through and act like the tough man I totally am (not)

WARNINGS/ CONTENT INFO; GN!Reader but mentioned to be afab due to having Periods, established relationship but not having been together for that long, Francis is a little silly and unsure at first because that man wouldn't know what to do and I stand by that statement.

When you had woken up this morning, you had immediately known. Just that feeling of being uncomfortable, as if your body needed to make extra sure to signal you that you weren't pregnant. You groaned in annoyance, wanting to sleep for a little longer, but if you did that, you'd probably end up having to change your bedsheets, and that's the last thing you wanted to do right now. So, instead, you trotted to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, your boyfriend Francis was absolutely confused. You weren't the type to get up early, especially not when he was staying over. Usually, you'd snuggle up to him, wrap your arms around his waist to keep him in bed with you. He figured you maybe just needed to go to the toilet, though something seemed a little off. He didn't pay it much mind, though, simply drifting off into a state of being half asleep again. At least until you practically fell into bed, making the mattress creak. "Francis." You grumbled, moving to press your face against his neck like you'd always do when he stayed over and was still with you in the morning. "Mm?" He hummed, his hand coming up to carefully run through your hair. "Got my period." You huff, your face scrunching in annoyance. Francis is caught off guard for a moment. "At least you aren't pregnant?" He mutters, trying to lighten your mood, though that only results in having you hit his chest softly. He really doesn't know what to do. He never had to deal with this before. "What usually.. I don't know.. helps? Makes it better?" He asks. Francis has heard of buying chocolate or making a hot water bottle, though he really wants to make sure not to just assume what might be good for you. "Just stay for now, okay?" You ask, snuggling further against him.

The two of you stay cuddled up in bed for a while, with you getting into some, for Francis, very weird positions just to relieve some of the pain. He starts massaging your lower belly at some point, which makes you comfortably rest against him so he can keep going. He figures that this helped your cramps, though you aren't really a big talker right now. He's just glad you aren't getting sappy on him or worse. Francis reminds himself to stop thinking in stereotypes. You fall asleep at some point, and he has half a mind to get a blanket over the two of you while he tries not to fall asleep as well - he feels like he should be awake once you wake up. He wouldn't want to have you have to do something alone when he could be helping you.

The next few hours are mostly you being asleep and Francis drifting off just to jolt awake again. Once you wake up, Francis gets you water and, because you now specifically asked for it, made you a hot water bottle to help the cramps. You put on a movie while he was gone, some romantic one that he knew you had watched at least twice before already. Not like he minded, though. Wasn't his place to judge. He settled beside you again, making sure to carefully place the bottle on you, letting you adjust it yourself. "You alright?" He hums, resting his head against yours. "Obviously not. I'm actively bleeding, Francis." You huff, rolling your eyes playfully as you shift closer to him. "Honestly, though, as good as I could be right now." You then answer, sighing as you close your eyes to bask in your boyfriends presence.

You stay cuddled up like that, watching the movie together. Francis gets up at some point to make both of you a tea, making sure yours is a Green tea after searching for what tea helps with cramps. He's generally just very mindful of you, even offering to run to the store to get you anything you want - which in all honesty almost makes you tear up because he's just too sweet - but you just want him with you, and that's all that counts.

[heartfullofleeches]

Yan Android Maids + Sick G.N Reader

Warnings: none

WC: 1.3k

(A sorta commission for anon - sorry for the slight delay, hope it's to your liking!)

“Master, are you….”

“-Feeling alright?” 

The saccharine chirp of one android's voice overlaps the monotonous drone of the other as both tuck you into bed. That alone should've been enough proof of your ailing condition. Clementine and Lemon rarely see eye to eye what with Lemon's free spirit and Clem sticking to rules she herself set in stone. Most the two had in common was their mutual love for you, and keeping you safe from harm. They both cared for you dearly- even if their judgment of others was a bit blindsided at times. 

“I feel fine.” Speaking out loud you could hear and feel it yourself - soreness in the back of your throat. “It's probably nothing.” 

Lemon airs their disapproval against the back of your palm, cheek brushing your knuckles as they hum - lost in thought and by the heat of your skin. “Mmm, I'm not so sure. You're a bit warmer than usual. Not that it's a bad thing - just an observation.”

Clementine cups your face in her hands - guiding you to look upward as she bends to your level. “There appears to be some irritation in your eyes as well. I understand you may be tired, but it won't take us long to do a check up.”

“Give you something to take before you drift off at the very least.” Lemon adds.  

“I'm fine, I'm fine! Whatever it is, I'm sure I can sleep it off.” 

You wave their concerns off - closing your hands over your mouth as a sharp cough splinters through you. The blunt ends of Clementine fingertips press against your jaw, however she lets you go despite her worry - easing your head back down on your pillow. 

“As you wish, Master. Sleep well.” Clementine finishes tucking you in - stuffing the sheets beneath the mattress to make them nice and snug meanwhile Lemon prepares a spot for themselves at the end of your bed. They curl up at your feet, resting their head on a pillow they snuck from your side as Clem checked you over. Clementine does not look amused by their antics. 

She grabs them by the collar - lifting the smaller android a head shorter than her off your bed with minimal effort. “I think master will get better sooner if they are alone for this evening.” 

“Nooooo, don't you see the best medicine for them is our love?”

Clementine pauses, the orange lights of her eyes cycling brighter before she snaps out of whatever had stolen her train of thought. “I find that possibility to be highly unlikely.”

Clementine throws Lemon over her shoulder, carrying them to their charging station as their cries for freedom drag down the halls. You turn over as best one stampled to their bed could before discovering how difficult it came to be to breathe while laying on your side. You flop onto your back, hoping whatever got to you would be gone by morning-

It was not gone by morning. 

Waking up, you struggled to even open your eyes from just how heavy your entire body felt. Breathing through your nose seemed impossible, but the alternative wasn't much better. Sucking air between your teeth brought attention to the dryness of your mouth and tongue which remained no matter how much spit you swallowed. You try to call for help, but all that leaves you is a wry-

“Ughhhh…..” 

Quiet giggles sound from your left. As horrid as you feel you aren't delirious quite yet. 

“Aw, is Master not feeling well?~ If only there were someone to care for them.”

“Now isn't the time to tease them. Help them up while I prepare a towel.” 

“On it!” 

Your bed groans from the additional strain as Lemon sits besides you - carefully pulling you upwards. Clementine removes a clean towel from the tray the two prepped after hearing you tossing and turning in your sleep - dipping the rag in a small bowl of water before dabbing it at your forehead and anywhere else sweat visibly clings to your skin. She brushes stray strands of hair from your face, dropping her voice a few notes in mind of the headache you most likely had. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Terrible.” You grumble, unsure on whether to clutch the blankets for dear life or throw them off you. “Everything hurts…. My back is killing me.” 

“Allow me to reveal some of that tension if you don't mind.” Lemon scoots behind you, placing their hands on the lower part of your back and beginning to knead at the tense muscles with their fingers. They work their way up your spine, soothing the tight areas throughout as they press and roll their palms gingerly over the surface of your back. As they rub out the knots, Clementine picks up a bottle from the tray - pouring the dark liquid onto the spoon held in her opposite hand. 

“Open wide.” 

You mentally steel yourself to swallow as you open your mouth. Clementine pinches the bridge of your nose, tilting your head back slightly as she holds the spoon up to your lips. A thought crosses your mind as the foul taste coats your tongue. 

“Didn't.. that bottle come with one of those little measuring cups?”

“Yes, but - I thought it may help the medicine go down easier if I spoon fed it to you… Is there a problem with that, Master?”

“No, not at all.” It was nice when Clementine expressed her own wants every once in a while - though she wasn't as direct as Lemon is. Clem sets the bottle down, handing you a cup to rinse the taste from your mouth and hopefully pacify the burning feeling in your throat. You take a sip - warm, yet refreshing water hitting your tongue  joined by the hint of lemon and an afterthought of honey. You glue down the rest of the water- pausing to breathe as you choke with the assistance of Lemon patting your back to help the fluid caught in your chest go down. Clementine takes the cup from you and places it on your nightstand as you collect yourself. 

“Thanks, Clem…. You too, Lemon. I don't know where I'd be without you two.” 

Lemon kisses the back of your head, rubbing small circles into your back as they rest their head on your shoulder. “It's our duty and our pleasure. We only want what's best for you - nothing more, nothing less. Personally, I think you could do with some more rest, and maybe some company to assure you get said rest.” 

Clementine turns her head, gearing to scold Lemon- Despite the lingering ache in your throat, you speak up. 

“Actually… That sounds pretty nice right about now.” 

Clementine stiffens - eyes aglow with that same spark as before. “Then…. Is it alright if I join the two of you?”

“Of course!” You slide over to make extra room for Clementine as Lemon already makes themselves comfortable in your bed. Lemon is quick to hook their arms around you in stark contrast to Clementine's clear concern for crushing you preventing her from entering your bed. You offer her your hand. The android stares at it briefly before locking her fingers with your own, pulling herself up onto the mattress as she tunes the fragile strings of her artificial heart to your pulse beating from your fingertips.

“I…was so worried about you.”

“I know, Clem. It's okay.” 

“Clem~ I think it's time for Master to get some more shut eye, don't you? Save the talking for when they're in a better condition to hold a conversation.”

“If you're jealous you know you can just hold my other hand, Lemon.” 

“Jealous? Me? I haven't the slightest idea what  you mean, Master. This sickness must really be getting to you.”

Despite their denial, it isn't long before your free hand is occupied by the embrace of another. You pretend not to notice as Clementine inches closer, drifting back off to sleep coddled by the adoration  and love of your caretakers.

[dirtytransmasc]

TW: VERY DARK AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT (kind of)

Prompt :

He was six

Norm found him with his wrist slit

“Why’d you do this kiddo?”

“I wanted to get rid of the demon blood”

Jakes reaction

Neytiri stitched him up with an unreadable expression

IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMY

I UNDERSTAND, PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THIS IF ITS TO DARK!!!😭

oh my fucking god... it hurts so bad, but its so good. I love dark angst, there aren't many places I won't go, so have no worries anon.

head the trigger warnings above, I don't get super graphic, but I don't skid over any details either. disclaimer, mama!neytiri brain worms are liquefying my brain, so this is a little (a lot) neytiri-centric, cause I can't help it, its the worms I swear.

also, there are like 0 resources on na'vi medicine, so I'm just fucking winging it man, I'm gonna pull some shit out of my literal ass and we're all gonna have to just be ok with that. ~~~

norm wishes he could say he was shocked, surprised that this little boy wanted to hurt himself, let alone went through with it. he should have been gutted, more than he was at least, angry, put off, something. but not that its happened, he saw it from a mile away, he should have noticed, should have stopped it. all he felt was guilt, burning up his heart and knotting up his stomach as he put pressure on spiders tiny wrists, holding his lulling body in his arms. spider was just a kid, a baby, but he's muttering about 'getting rid of demon blood' and 'not belonging' and it being 'better off' if he was gone. it was somehow worse in his childish wording, his perfect innocence and naivety only just beginning to crack as the pain in his little chest began to swell.

it had been the odd quietness from spider's 'room' back in the cave marui's that alerted him to something being wrong. spider was quiet, in a way; when he was out playing with the kids he was loud, laughing, face filled with light and joy, even if something cold still glinted in his eyes. but when he was on his own, having been left behind or told off by some adult, human or na'vi alike, for getting in the way, he would sulk off to the little marui by the shack. but even if he would sit amongst himself, playing with the few figures someone had put time aside to make, attempting to weave a new piece of jewelry or basket, mending the sad little knife he wore on his side. he was always doing something, could be heard humming or sniffling, the sound of his knife on the wetstone or the clunking of wooden figures on each other were a constant. so when norm heard nothing but silence, his gut ticked up, the hair on his neck bristled, his legs carried him much farther they would on the average day until he was staring at spider and his little bloody arms and his little bloody knife and his sad little eyes.

it took only a split second for norm to come back to himself, to rush and pick the boy up before he had enough 'sense' to try and back away (spider never wanted trouble, never wanted to get in the way or be a burden, the fact he didn't try and hide worried norm more then it would of if he did, which was even more concerning in its own right).

he just held spider as tight as he could, his big blue hands easily covering his human wrists, trying to think of what he should do. he should say something, other then "its ok" but what does he say? what do you say to a six-year-old who just tried to kill himself, no, no, "get rid of the demon blood" coursing through his veins?

he wasn't going to lecture him, spider made it clear why he did it, comfort wasn't his strong suit. he could just look at his puffy little cheeks, one side of his mask blooded as he had attempted to wipe his cheek on instinct. so he just repeated a mantra of "I'm here" and "it's ok" and "your ok" until he reached the infirmary, trying to prtend he didn't feel spider slipping further and further away with each passing second.

in the flash of just a few seconds fueled by adrenaline alone, he knew he regretted everything. he was spider's caretaker sure, but he was no father, jake wasn't either, and the boy didn't have a single maternal figure to his name. no mother to kiss his brow at night or admire his accomplishments. he had no one, not truly, and norm allowed to happen, was not only complicit in it, but played a direct role in it. now he may not get to make that up, may not be given the chance to step up, to fix this.

he carried spider to the infirmary hut, knowing he would find someone, anyone, there who could help. part of him knew that mo'at had seen something in the child that brought some sort of pity from her, that maybe just this once, spider wouldn't be so alone in her presence.

when he entered the pod, he found mo'at showing neytiri something, explaining different herbs to her, though he didn't pay enough attention to it the lesson to pull out any identifying features of the herbs in question. both turned to look at him when they heard his rapid breathing, their gaze then shifting to the bloody boy in his arms, the ever-so-faint fogging of the glass that made up most of his exopack, and the ghostly parlor of spider's skin.

"put him down," mo'at commanded, before norm could even speak, clearing her pallet in an instant, "what happened to him?" her voice was firm, almost knowing.

"he...cut himself...intentionally...I don't know how long ago, but I found him in his pod alone and brought him right here."

"intentionally?" neytiri hissed, removing the boy from his arms when he couldn't get himself to comply with the order and holding him so she could listen to the weakening beat of his heart. she tied turniquotes around his upper forearm with the strands of clothing handed to her by her mother, absent-mindedly rocking the little thing where he rested held between her free-er arm and her chest, when the last bits of his consciousness were directed to fussing, no doubt from the pain. she couldn't bring herself to bind them too tight, just enough to control the bleeding, her hands and a bit of cloth could handle the rest.

(mo'at almost lectured her, but she saw that look in her daughter's eyes and knew it would be pointless, a mama bear gets what she wants)

norm had never seen the protective fire in her eyes, normally directed at her children, burn so bright for spider in the last few years she had known him. it scared him, it felt so unnatural that the very gaze he had learned to trust in most cases, froze him like a deer in headlights.

but that question, the tone of it, made his gut sink. how did he explain this, spider was just a baby, and he had slit his own wrists. that on its own was gut-wrenching, but the reason? Eywa have mercy.

"he said... he said he wanted to get rid of his demon blood, so he... he used his own knife and cut his wrists... its a common form of self harm back on earth, to cut yourself, but I don't even know how he would know to do that, why he would do it... I know why, but..." norm felt defeated. he should have seen something.

the look on neytiri's face made him want to tuck his tail between his legs and run off. she placed spider down as gently as one could, face scrunched up with pain and anger as she keeps pressure on both of spider's wrists.

"get jake, he is with the young hunters." she spoke quietly, her voice almost bitter. she didn't know if she blamed him, if she was angry with him, she barely understand how to feel about spider harming himself. all she knew is that he had just given her some of the most heartwrenching news she had heard in her life, so he was getting some of her mirth. norm nodded, racing off with his tail tucked between his legs, only hesitating to take another worried glance at the boy.

neytiri took a deep breath before turning to her mother. "he will need stitches, right?" she had never dealt with an injury quite like this before, the conscious effort in the wound made it clean and to the point, unlike a wound in battle. it strived to do quick, efficient damage, and now, either because she could barely let herself think straight, or because she genuinly didn't know, she couldn't think of the best way to treat it.

"yes, my daughter, but that is the least of his worries. he cut a large vein, those are very difficult to mend, stopping the bleeding will be difficult. he's already lost quite a bit of blood, so we need to be careful. the best thing would be to put a root paste to help clot the bleeding, wrap it up, and stitch it later." mo'at turned to her morter and pestle as she spoke, mixing different herbs, berries, and roots into a dark brown, almost purple, paste.

neytiri, nodded absently, while she picked through the basket at her side for bundles of lumped fibre and soft cloth to hold against his arms. luckily for him, while he did manage to do some damage and with the help of the tourniquets, one wrist had already stopped bleeding a fair bit, and the other was manageable.

in the silence of the hut, her mother working quietly behind her, turning every once and a while to check his breathing or giving her a tincture to clean his wounds with, neytiri was left to think.

demon blood.

he had done this because of the words she and so many spat at the sight of him. he had tried to rid himself of his sins, the sins of his father, the sins of his people; but were they really his to begin with? what had he done, in his six years of life, to have earned the hate he received? was the blood he carried in his veins enough to justify pushing a child to this?

no, she decided, no it was not.

seeing him so pale and lifeless in norms arms woke something in her, something deep in her gut, maternal rage coursing through her with something vicious, and even if she didn't deserve it after all she had done to him, pushed him to do, her heart was attempting to claim his as her own, and she didn't know what to do with that feeling. then she realized, that the maternal drive that prowled in her stomach like a thanator ready to pounce, not only saw the world as a threat, but saw her as a threat.

her mother handed her the salve and she was grateful for anything to do to take her mind off of the few revelations she managed to have while waiting.

"put more of the salve where the bleeding is stronger, then wrap it tight, be careful to not make it so tight it takes off his hand." the older woman guided, watching over her daughters work.

neytiri scooped it out bit by bit, slowing rubbing it onto the wounds while her mother blotted away the blood, her ears dipping whenever the boy his with pain or tried to pull away. she just wanted to make him better, to take him up into her arms and tell him it was alright like she would if he was one of her own children. but she knew she couldn't, he would wake up and see the monster who filled his little mind with such awful thoughts of himself, that he would be just as scared of her as he always was, and that she could bring him no comfort. so he was extra gentle as she finished off the paste, and held him like delicately as she wrapped the bandage around his wrists, gushing him gently each time he cried out, combing back his hair when she felt she was finished.

then jake came barreling in, breaking up the delicate silence that for a single second allowed her to believe it was just a normal day, that the new found fantasy of just being able to mother this child was true, that allowed spider to lay in peaceful sleep with her shawl over him. norm was trying to hush him, before he woke the baby, but there was no stopping jake, not when his face was full of pain and anger, looking as if he would plow down a titanothere just to get to spider.

neytiri knew jake had taken to spider more than he had let on, but the beast in her belly screamed that he hadn't done enough either, that he didn't earn the right to worry either. but she hushed it, knowing neither had the right to claim anything, not even over each other.

"ma'jake, quiet, or you will wake him and... he will be in pain. so let him sleep while he can," she attempted to soothe quietly, resisting every urge to just scoop him up when jakes loud entry did in fact stir him.

jake sat across from her, his hand resting on spider's chest, feeling the soft rise and fall of the boy's chest. "did he really?" he asked, eyes begging for her to tell him it wasn't true. she knew he would much rather hear of a freak accident over this, but she couldn't give him that mercy.

"yes, it would seem so." her voice was short, worn, despite barely saying a word this whole time.

jake crumpled a little, much more on the inside then he attempted to let show on the outside. neytiri was used to it, jake dealing with it all on the inside, bottling it up till he burst. she placed her hands over his, both of them being reassured by spider's breathing.

"but he is still here, we can and will help him. we will make sure he never feels this way again. I will right my wrongs, I will treat him as he has always deserved, and I hope one day he can forgive me. you will do the same. for now we just have to wait." she spoke gently, still worried about waking spider. she was partly talking to herself, making the promise she had worked her mind to final, she swore it on eywa. she saw jakes eyes finally close, knocking the tears he had been fighting to keep in down his cheeks.

he nodded, slumping into a lazy, defeated-looking, criss-cross position, talking spider's little hand in his, using the wet cloth from mo'at to clean the blood from his finger, the calloused palms of his hands, his muscle-toughened arms.

jake was no stranger to this, to harming yourself, even if he had never taken a blade to his wrists. trying to imagine that pain in such a little body terrified him. how was he supposed to wrap his head around little spider, the stray cat amongst the village, always smiling and laughing, always trying to help everyone, always up in trees or tussling with his kids, his blonde hair like streaks of the sun running about the village, battling such demons. he tried to imagine what he must have been feeling when he took his knife to his wrist. was he scared? relieved? confused? was he desperate and looking for a way out?

no, no norm said that spider wanted to get rid of his "demon blood" which as somehow more nauseating. it was their faults, him, norm, neytiri, The People. they hurt this child or they let it happen. they expected him to take every glare, every spit of acid, everything he was forced to endure, and to still remain a happy child. jake never once stopped to think what effect that may have on him, and now he was paying for it.

he ached, spider was small, he could fit in jakes hands even at 6 years old. he was drowning in neytiri's shawl even if on her, it would barely cover her upper arms, he had just started fitting his exopack a little less than a year ago. he was still just a baby, and they almost let his life end. had norm not found him, he would be dead, still and cold in his makeshift marui, in a pool of his own blood. the image that accompanied the thought that flashed in his made him feel sick. even with all that he denied feeling about the boy, no matter how hard he tried to push him away, no matter what he let him go through, the thought of spider dying, especially like that, alone and scared and in pain, terrified him. to have a child die for any preventable reason, was a disgrace on The People, especially their chief of all people.

chief.

he should have been the example. he should have led his people to find love for a defenseless child who wanted only to be loved and accepted. he had failed.

he let a finger caress the side of spiders face, along the edge of spider's mask, lightly pulling at the curly baby hairs that rested there,

"will he be alright?" he didn't know who he was asking, norm or mo'at. both would have very different opinions, norm more literal, mo'at more spiritual. he didn't know which he wanted.

"physically, yes. he is lucky, his blade was simple, his hand faltered, and he didn't seem to have a death wish. he didn't do too much damage, its manageable. emotionally jakesuli? time will tell." mo'at was the one to speak, the look on norms face spoke the his fear of setting neytiri off like he almost had earlier.

neytiri looked to her mother with a pain expression, her tail beating nervously where is laid near spiders head, ears still folded back.

"his mind is plauged with pain and desperation, things no child should even be aware of. he was driven to harm himself, in ways that will be permanent. it will be our actions going forward that determine his future. I fear if we do not undo the damage now, we will lose him in the years to come... what I fear more and that the damage has been done and cannot be undone. we can only hope for the former/"

neytiri damn near let out a cry, turning from her mother, eyes clenched as tears welled up in them. she found jakes arms, both leaning over spider like a makeshift shelter. just like they should have his whole life, they should have shielded him from the world, protected him from the hate of others. spider stirred once more, and this time jake couldn't resist the urge to scoop him up.

spider looked up at both of them, his little eyes tired and glossy, something small and painful in his gaze. he began to wiggle out of jakes hold, balling up nervously, but when neytiri grazed fingers through his hair, he stopped. this was the one thing he had ever wanted, deep down. not to be accepted, not to be one with the people, not even to be na'vi. he just wanted to be held, loved, by a mother, any mother. with his judgment too clouded by all his emotions, the desperation, the pain, even the blood loss, and maybe and even simpler reason being just being a child; spider let her hold him. he couldn't think about her years of neglect, the harsh words, and harsher glares, not in that moment, that could come later. right now, he needed a mother, and neytiri was willing, so he sunk into her hold, welcoming the embrace of either parent.

the road to spider's recovery would be long and hard. jake and neytiri had a lot to make up for, to apologize for, holding onto their guilt for years as they waited for spider to reach an age were their apologies would actually mean something to him. he would have to be watched constantly, habits would be broken, tears would be cried. things would never be 100%, there would always scars and phantom pain, but that was ok.

~~~

a note for my regulars; I'm back, maybe sorta kinda. I've hit a rough patch with my adhd, I can't do thoughts, or social interaction really, but I'm starting to bounce back, so more regular posting may return shortly.

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

Hello! Sorry for bothering you but can I request some comfort headcanons with the Papas? Had a hospital trip recently and the results ended up worse than I expected so, not feeling too good. Thank you so much!

Hey anon!! I'm so sorry the results aren't what you were hoping for and I hope that you're at least doing better today <3 Some comfort headcanons coming right up!!

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐨

Primo's prime method of comfort: making and brewing you a personalised blend of tea

He has a mix already made up for whenever you need some comfort or someone to talk to

It's the perfect blend of leaves and flavours, incorporating some of your favourite things

Will pour you a nice hot cup of your personal brew and lend a listening ear fi you wanna talk about what happened

He'll hold your hand, offer you biscuits and other various snacks to go with your tea to help you feel better

Lots of hugs and cuddles

"What is the next step? I want to make sure that I am here for you every step of the way, il mie petale"

Will take you for a walk down to his gardens and greenhouse to pick whatever flowers you'd like for a bouquet to go in your room

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨

Secondo's prime method of comfort: movie night in his private quarters

He lets you pick all the movies you're going to watch as well as all the snacks and drinks

He'll even let you pick whatever takeaway you want. Pizza, Chinese takeaway, kebabs, whatever

The man is fantastic at listening, but he won't force you to talk. He knows that you'll talk to him when you're ready

Will pause the film when you do want to talk and he'll turn to face you so that you know he's going to listen and give you his full attention

Caresses your hands, squeezing them while you explain what happened and your results

"Next time I will be there with you, okay? You won't be going through this alone. I won't allow it"

You finish your movie night cuddled up together on the sofa, drifting off to sleep in one another's arms with the movie playing softly in the background and takeaway boxes strewn about the place

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐳𝐨

Terzo's prime method of comfort: pamper session

He immediately sees that you're not happy and whisks you home, making arrangements over the phone for the ghouls to "initiate mission spa treatment"

You're treated to Terzo giving you the best massage of your life, scented candles, soft music, manicure, pedicure, he even has one of his ghouls hand feed you chocolate or a fruit of your choice while he gets to work spoiling you rotten to hopefully make you feel better and more relaxed

When you're ready to tell him what happened, he's attentive and listens with rapt attention

Pulls you into his lap and plays with your hair or, if you don't have any hair/your hair is too short, traces little patterns over your skin while you talk

He doesn't talk unless you ask him a question or say something that he feels he should give a response too

"Perhaps today you did not get the result we were hoping for, tesore, but we will not give up. You won't give up. I know you and your strength. We will get through this together"

Caps off your evening of pampering with a luxurious bubble bath that's been scented with relaxing lavender and chamomile with hints of vanilla and sandalwood

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐚

Copia's prime method of comfort: his rats

He'll let you dress them up, feed them, pet them

He'll get them to perform tricks for you that he taught them back when he first brought them home

Copia knows that animals can be very soothing and therapeutic, so he's more than happy to let you spend all the time you want with them

It's only once you've put all his babies back in their cages that he'll ask you if you're okay and if you'd like to talk

He'll cuddle you, rubbing your back or your arm the whole time as you tell him the results and how upset you are about them

"Oh, dolcezze mie, I'm so sorry. I will be there with you next time, okie? Whatever you need, I am here and I always will be. I swear"

Does his best to take your mind off it by showing you various things that he wants to buy to improve the rats' home and asks for your opinions. He doesn't want you to overthink or to stress out tonight. He just wants to make you smile and let you know that he's there for you

[wexhappyxfew]

Oooh, those prompts sure do look amazing… the touch one??? I’m so unsure on which one I might be in a crisis….

Soo… after muuuch deliberation, may ask about nr. 17 (holding the other’s chin up) with my girl Carrie? (I have to stay loyal to her, though I love all the other Silver Bullets girls equally)

Thank you 💖

- Carrie anon

carrie anon my apologies for how incredibly late this is (along with the other prompts sitting in the askbox lol) finals season will forever be a struggle lmao. BUT! i'm taking a mental break and here we are with a piece for my beans, carrie x dougie, carrie anon!! :D VERY excited to post this, we get a bit more with carrie's feelings as she's pretty good at hiding them (but not great with hiding them lol). so please enjoy!!

bergie doesn't strike out

(a/n): for the carrie x dougie girlies because this prompt i enjoyed and i figured i'd add some more to carrie's background - a struggle to fit in, to feel wanted, in a time of war. yeah, she's going through it to say the least and in some way, we all can get why :'( please enjoy!

Carrie watched from behind her shot glass as James Douglass waltzed over to the congregating group of Clubmobile girls and talked his talk, pulling out his lighter and offering to light up cigarettes, only before making quite the show of winking and meandering away back towards where he had been previously stood with Hambone and Murphy. She watched him let out a barking laugh before pointing to their cups and nodding to the bar. And that's when he started waltzing over to the bar, where she was stood, rather enjoying her stare-down with her shot glass instead of having to focus on him.

"Carrie Achterbeg, haven't seen you in a minute." she heard him say as he approached - which albeit was the truth. She hadn't come out to one of these in a couple of weeks. After that awkward misunderstanding with one of the guys from the 418th - radio operator, kind eyes, but horrible ego - after he had tried to plant one on her, she didn't want anything to do with the flying club, drinks and pilots. Tonight though was different. And after those last few missions, she needed some sort of melancholy distraction, even if it were a shot or two stood alone at the bar.

"Aren't you a sight for sore ey-" Carrie glanced over at James Douglass and shoved him in the shoulder roughly before throwing back her shot and sighing.

"Don't finish that sentence." she managed out, coughing briefly and then looked at him.

"Dually noted." Dougie said, before leaning up on the bar next to her and watching the side of her face, "What's eating you?" Carrie let out a dry laugh and looked over at him.

"I should be asking you the same thing," she said, before lowering your voice, "struck out, huh?" Dougie raised a brow in her direction and she nodded over his shoulder.

"Tatty, Helen, Virginia…." Carrie said, "Christ, Dougie, you struck out and you struck out hard." Dougie rolled his eyes and leaned more against the bar and nodded to the tender.

"Struck out is a strong word to use in that sense-"

"Sure as hell is currently the right word-"

"There's other words-"

"Struck out is as good as it comes." Carrie said to him and he took the beer from the tender and sighed, before taking a long sip. She watched him for a moment, biting the inside of her lip and then glanced back at her empty shot glass.

She was just punchy, she wasn't in the best of moods, and James Douglass was beginning to grow on her in ways she hadn't expected nor entirely wanted. And her mind was trying to ignore it.

"Why haven't you been coming recently?" Dougie asked her as he casually sipped on his beer, eyes wandering out to the dance floor and then back to her, before grinning wide, "Hambone's been missing ya." Carrie sighed and then stood up straighter and pushed her hair behind her ears and glanced at him.

"Personal choice." she said and then shrugged as she looked out towards the dance floor again, "You missing me, too? You seemed real tangled up with those guys over there. Surprised you came over to say hello." She raised a brow at him and he shrugged her off. Watching him, she then turned, only to be stopped by his arm jutting out.

"Where you going?"

"Just taking a lap around," she said with a shrug, "talk to some people I haven't seen before, ya know, get eyes on everyone." He watched her, a mixture of adornment it seemed and surprise, as she straightened her jacket and then looked at him.

"Everything look good?" she asked him, holding out her arms like she was about to go off on her first day at school and wanted her uniform in check. Dougie held her gaze for a moment before he let his eyes wash down her form and then back up to her face again. Carrie watched him, her collar turning hot as he took a slow sip and let his eyes rest on hers again, that lazy smile growing on his face as he nodded.

"Good is a strong word-"

"Dougie, don't you dare." Carrie muttered, a small smile growing on her face as she shoved at his shoulder, and repositioned herself, hands on her hips and sighed, "Seriously." For a moment, they just watched each other and it should've felt awkward, but in all actuality - it wasn't. And knowing that he was looking at her that fondly almost made her want to stay and talk to him more. But she wasn't like that it seemed.

"You look great," Dougie said, his voice strained as he nodded, "don't let none of those fools do anything funny, alright?" Now, it was Carrie's turn to let out a laugh and raise her brow.

"Since when did you care?" she asked quickly, crossing her arms, "'Cause three weeks ago, I had that stupid radio operator from the 418th practically down my throat and you barely batted an eye." A few onlookers glanced towards the two and it took Carrie a few moments to recognize how loud she had gotten and suddenly emotional in her words. And why did she care if Dougie had barely batted an eye? He shouldn't have needed to. They weren't technically even friends, just a joke or two here and there, some teasing and good-natured tomfoolery, but nothing more. Why did she care that he should care? Carrie sighed. Dougie looked up at her with those big, slightly worried eyes and bit back his lip before nodding.

"Well, now that you've made me aware of that, maybe I will bat an eye next time." Dougie said, looking up at her as his fingers danced against the cool mug of beer, "Who the hell was it?" Carrie stared at him and then blinked slowly.

"It doesn't matter-"

"That's why you didn't come-"

"Dougie-"

"Because he had-"

"Dougie." Carrie said, stepping closer to him, and holding his gaze right in her own, her hand ghosting over his arm as if to latch onto him, but failing to do so, "Let it go. It's over now."

"You brought it up." Dougie said back quickly, but she stopped him with a shake of the head. But then she stood quiet for a moment and let her thoughts grow. She had brought it up. Almost as if she had wanted him to know. Because no one had known. Because she'd been embarrassed that she let herself think that maybe that was a good guy, someone she could live a life with and all he had wanted was a kiss. It was a stupid thought.

"Who was it, Carrie, seriously?" Dougie asked her as she balled up her fists and looked anywhere but his face, which she knew had a look on it that would make her lose it, "A guy from the 418th, huh? He ever heard about a thing called messing with the bull, you damn well be getting the horns-"

"Shh, keep your voice down!" Carrie muttered, bringing a finger in front of her mouth and looking at him with wide eyes, "He was just some jackass that thought I was there to have a good time and that was it." Dougie grew quiet as he watched her. Whatever it was between them seemed to simmer and they both seemed to understand in that minute what she meant. But she wouldn't dare actually say why she had even bothered kissing the guy, or why Dougie was looking at her like that.

"He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Dougie said, his voice softer than it normally was, that look in his eye deeper and darker, "I know a guy-"

"No." Carrie said, her cheeks scarlet, "It was just a stupid kiss, that's it. It's over. I just….I was trying to avoid the situation again and…." She trailed off. She was over talking about it to be completely honest. She looked up at him.

"I'm fine." she said with an honest nod, "Thank you for your…..concern." Dougie watched her, with a slow nod and licked his lips, like he was still digesting her words in their entirety. He didn't say much, he just watched her and she didn't entirely want to complain about that because for one, his eyes were some of the kindness she'd probably seen on this side of the world. And for once, they were eyes that looked at her in a way other guys didn't.

"Just…go have some fun," Dougie said quietly, "give me a look if a guy does something stupid, alright?" And she nodded and looked up at him, as he smiled softly at her, his eyes darting over her own endless blue ones, an abyss of dampened sea and darkened souls. Lost and harrowing. He leaned forward a bit and lowered his voice.

"Don't strike out." he said with a small chuckle and she looked up at him and brought her pointer finger underneath his chin and prodded him lightly to meet her gaze, before whispering back just as quietly.

"Bergie doesn't strike out."

[thespineoftherighteous]

to address the Thea stuff. the reasons ppl don't like her kinda matched to what I said at the end about ppl being more willing to forgive the white characters for things:

1. the age gap. it's only 4 years, and any relationship only begins after kevin is 18. and he was the one who had a crush on her when he was younger, not the other way around. People tend to spread lies about this, things that weren't said in the ec such as saying they're relationship started when he was 14 and she was 18, which I mentioned in my original anon.

2. the 'agression'. I don't think she's aggressive. she was angry yeah, which she had every right to be after kevin ghosted her. he was obviously going through a lot, but of course given he didn't communicate this, she didn't know. she can only work off what she knows. again I just see this as the fandom being very uncharitable to her. kevin chokes neil when he's angry so I really don't think she's the aggressive one in this relationship. and if she is, she's not alone.

3. devotion to the ravens. again, so is kevin. People forgive him for this because he's obviously been brainwashed by them. but so has she. again, just seems like people forgiving other characters for things they wouldn't forgive her for.

4. randomness of relationship with kevin. I don't think it's random? I'm not a fan of their relationship, but people love to ship kevin/Jean primarily cause they were ravens together. kevin and Thea were ravens together, it makes sense they'd grow close. they're both also very dedicated to exy, a common reason people ship neil/kevin. so idk? to everyone's taste ofc, but it still isn't a valid reason for her to get the hate she gets.

idk necessarily about people liking her more if she was a fox. probably? she's very similar to kevin, and people like him. and I can imagine people not liking him if he stayed a Raven and we saw him through a fox perspective. so you're probably right.

on her only having a scene or two and not being very likeable in them. I guess again, it asks the question of why she's not likeable in these scenes? I think people don't want to view things from her perspective, and there can be a lot of reasons for that ofc.

Jean has more scenes than her, but he's not 'likeable' in many of them. He's rude, just like Thea was. He holds Neil down when he's getting tortured. He arguably should be more disliked, but he's not. I think people are more willing to offer him understanding because they're more willing to see things from his perspective. He acts this way because he's a traumatised cult member, and that's exactly why Thea acts the way she does.

It's hard to describe the hate people have for her if you haven't seen it much, but more often than not it goes far beyond 'this character just doesn't show up much so idrc'. People tend to hate her with a passion similar to the hate they view Riko with. Again, people call her abusive and a pedophile semi-reguarly. It goes beyond her just being a little unlikeable.

There was a motivation for a decent number of fans to spread these lies about her character, and I'm curious what that motivation was I suppose? cause I certainly don't do that for characters I just find unlikeable. Or characters that didn't have many scenes. Even if most fans aren't actively racist, they've bought into and fueled lies that were likely spread with racist motivation.

i honestly don't really disagree with you on anything (like the age gap wasn't something I personally ever paid attention to, I was saying that's what other people have a problem with. and honestly I do think that's fair for them, it just never stuck out to me) except for the fourth point bc I will maintain that their relationship is random. not random in a 'these two people are incompatible' way but in a 'the first time we hear Kevin even has a girlfriend is like 2/3 into the last book of the series and the chemistry (to me at least) seemed incredibly lacking but we're supposed to assume they're in love'

but I think you just might be overestimating how much people think about her. again: she's a very very minor character and I don't think people will necessarily go out of their way to see things through her perspective because of that. honestly I feel like what you said about Jean explains it p well: he does worse things than Thea but, even though he's also minor, we see way more of him than Thea we see him vulnerable and at his worst and there's more there that shapes him as a complex person. I genuinely think that if she had even as much screen time as Jean it'd be a different conversation.

but however, out of all the minor characters in the series she is one of the ones that gets the least mercy from the fans and that definitely feels racist to me. i don't think people need to explain and dissect why they dislike a character (especially characters as complicated as Nora's) but the fact that it's so easy for fans to just jump on a hate train for the only canon WOC is deeply unsettling.

I think the complexity of Nora's characters actually make aftg fans really weird and intense when it comes to defending/attacking characters. I remembered being rlly taken aback by the Aaron and Nicky and like Allison hate that I saw when I first started engaging with other fans because so much of it just seemed not true and wayyyy overexaggerated??? idk if it's the fans themselves or the content that makes them so intense but.

[emilykaldwen]

I'm seeing this discourse re: people going on hiatus/leaving their blogs and I'm just like yo that's not the actual problem

At the end of the day, fandom is never owned by a select group of people, or a specific trend (flashbacks to Cassandra Claire holding court at the harry potter cons back in the day and on LJ specifically). Tumblr, for what it is worth, is not the center of the fandom universe. And it can be very, very lonely when you don't write the 'popular thing' in your fandom sphere, or are on the popular team. I know my team black friends feel pretty damn lonely here a lot of times.

There's fear. There's jealousy. People are, of course, human and these are all normal and valid emotions. What's not okay is going into people's inboxes on anon and getting weird about it, or hate reading people's fic and making a joke/game out of it. Just stick in your lane. You don't have to be friends with everyone - it is, in fact, impossible to have an actual friendship with 100 people, let alone 20 people. But also we are a community, and we all need to do our part. You don't have to reblog everything. You aren't a hub for that content.

But reblogging what you do like? That should be a no brainer. Likes are nice, but on tumblr, they don't do anything. Just reblog the stuff you like. Also try give things a chance. Reblog things you think someone else might like. For example, I don't really care about Daemon, but my bestie does, so when I see things I think she'll like, I do try to reblog them! (like the Daemon and Laena cut scene that just released).

Our blogs aren't just for us, they are also about the people we care about too. At least, that's the tumblr world I grew up in, where people reblog things and tag our friends in it going 'HEY! relevant to your interests!'

Think of tumblr as going through the biggest thrift store you've ever seen and you find this... IDK cat statue with bat wings and you don't care about it but you yell to your friend in the next aisle about it so they can see it. You hold it up like simba to show!

Also, what the fuck, don't bug people about not reblogging your stuff or walking into their DMs to ask them to reblog things that's weird don't do that.

tl;dr, it's not even about reblogging everything, it's actually about just... reblogging stuff you like and this whole thing, imo, isn't about burn out, it's about the weird gatekeeping stuff I see happening to people. Pockets of people in fandom have made it an overall unwelcoming place and make people feel like they need to become content farms/write only specific things instead of extending their creative legs to write what they are truly excited about.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere Platonic Arven, please? He is one of my favorite characters in the game.

I love him too, Anon. Here you go :) Sorry it took months, it's been awhile since I've played Scarlet and Violet so I apologize if something is off.

Yandere! Platonic! Arven Concept

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Jealousy, Social isolation, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Dubious companionship, Guilt tripping.

Arven would make a good yandere, in fact in canon he is shown to be jealous.

I say this because I think he shows he's jealous of the player having other friends than him in Area Zero within the game.

Arven would be an incredibly caring yandere despite his jealousy and clingy behavior.

He can already somewhat be seen as a platonic yandere.

Arven wants to be the only friend of his darling, or at the very least the most important.

His background gives him the potential of being a clingy yandere.

Think about it, he's mostly grown up alone all his life as his only parent was more focused on research.

His only friend has been Mabostiff and he nearly lost him, too.

Until you came alone and helped him out.

I feel in this concept at least his darling would most likely be the player character.

He's traveled alongside you in the past to tackle many Pokemon challenges and battles.

He isn't as obsessive about Pokemon battling as Nemona but he doesn't mind a few battles with your team.

As a platonic yandere I can see Arven being jealous over Nemona and Penny, your two other friends.

In fact when he first met them he felt jealousy burn within him.

Arven fears you'll pay other people more attention instead of him.

He'd probably never harm anyone physically but he does get moody.

I can see Arven being one to hurt the emotions of others, often causing verbal fights to keep you away from others.

Arven cares for you as your best friend but isn't above ruining your other relationships to keep that connection.

I can imagine him being volatile towards Nemona for dragging you off for battles or Penny for simply hanging out.

Your other friends are also targeted.

Arven feels he should scare any competition away so you only come to him for help.

Arven goes to great lengths for those he cherishes and loves.

Over time he'd probably isolate you in order to keep you to himself.

He's clingy, too.

Arven likes to hold you, affectionately calling you his "Buddy" before sighing in bliss.

He may struggle with physical contact at first but it soon becomes his favorite thing with his darling.

Asking for space from Arven is upsetting to him.

Why would you want space?

Best friends stick together, don't they?

... are you going to see Nemona or Penny behind his back?

Arven would be one to guilt trip.

He would play with your emotions to get you to stick around.

Would you really betray him by leaving?

Are you going to just abandon him?

But you're his little buddy....

There's a good chance with a quiver of the lip and some manipulation he'll drag you back to his side.

Especially if his darling is vulnerable to emotions, like someone who has a ton of empathy.

Arven does a lot for his buddy, which he can use against them if they try to leave.

He gives you gifts and makes you food... he's always there when you need him, even when you don't need him too.

Arven comes off as the perfect friend for you.

He listens to you vent, he rubs your back when you're worried, he's so caring.

He's your perfect friend... one who has been with you through thick and thin...

You wouldn't just turn your back on him for the attention of others, would you?

"Buddy... don't just ignore me! I'm your best friend... aren't I?"

[subwaytostardew]

I'm kinda curious, do you guys have a rough idea of when this mod will be released/when do you want it released? I swear to whatever God exists I'm not trying to push for anything I'm just morbidly curious XD ^^"

—Rando Anon

I wish I could say the year anniversary of starting this but that's in 4 days and I'm still sloughing through redoing the portraits to not be super blurry without HD Portraits (which still isn't updated yet...) It takes me about 1-2 days per portrait sheet. There are 10+ portrait sheets I still need to remake. Then I need to go back and fix the events that broke (rip Pokemon animations).

Aside from that, at the very least I'd like to get Emmet's 10 heart event done (I'm sorry Emmet), finalize Ingo's letters (been procrastinating on that... too many words), and finish the station repair events.

There's still a few side events in our drafts that I'd like to finish (I could start on the after-event for the second Saloon event now that I have Chandelure done...), but we were thinking about leaving some things for later updates so we can release the "base mod". This would include things like Elesa's events and Cilan being added as a roommate option. We'll probably do marriage events later as well since we have quite a few date ideas but no scripts for that just yet... Plus we want to work on platonic routes for those not interested in that kind of thing anyways! Wouldn't be fair to postpone a release for something half of their passengers don't want to pursue. As of right now though, it's still very unfinished even with later patches in mind.

"Main" events usually take me about a month to complete, so Emmet's 10 heart will probably push back release by a month alone (and we'll see how long that will be... we need to sprite a lot of assets for it). Station events aren't too bad since we aim to have them be shorter; the first bundle completion event took only a day to finish. Most of the work in the station is figuring out shops and such (need a cafe for Cilan).

I don't think we'll take another year to release since we have quite a bit done, but I'd say a few months...? That's not set in stone though! If another April 25th passes without a release, pretend I didn't say this!

▷ Station Steward Thylak

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi, I know you're resting now, I wanted to share my opinion about the album. I noticed that there are five tracks in Face and they are so similar to the 5 stages of acceptance. What do you think about it? Perhaps my question is incoherent, I am writing it through a google translate.

*

Ask 2: FACCE IS SAURRR GOOODD!! 😭😭😭 WHEN IS THE REVIEW BPP?

*

Ask 3: Which remix is your fav?? I think beans and toast won this won

*

Ask 4: Bpp Imma need to go to SK and hold Jm hostage…I need him to make more music…Im going crazy Hes not my bias or my bias wrecker but hes wrecked me…I cant believe that he made my soty my aoty…I just wish the album had more songs…Like crazy is crazy good!!!!

*

Ask 5: BPP, hi!

I was hoping JM would show us a bit of his true self in his new album. And did he, huh? That MV and song reeks of homosexuality. I know it's simething ARMYs do not talk about. But... What do you think?

*

Ask 6: So did Jimin really end kpop for you BPP? Which song is you’re favourite? ☺️ He’s blown my mind at least. It’s Instant AOTY for me!!!!!! I hope Like Crazy is promoted really harf because I think it has really good potential It’s my favorite in the album ☺️

***

Hi Anon(s),

Before we get into it...

...I have a bone to pick with Jimin.

I don’t understand what Jimin thinks he’s doing not putting Letter on Apple Music or Spotify. Like, why does he think that’s a good idea? Does anybody know? This song is so perfect - Jimin's lush vocals harmonizing with Jung Kook's is beautiful - Letter needs to be available on as many platforms as possible. See, these are the kind of choices the tannies make that just causes me to laugh because yeah these hidden songs are 'gifts to fans' but it's also a crime against all that is good and honest in this world to keep it off channels those fans will gladly pay for? The fact Ddaeng is still stuck in Soundcloud purgatory is reason enough to kidnap Bang PD's nephew and sell him to the mafia, far as I'm concerned. The only reasons I haven't done it yet because kidnapping is illegal in my country, the Cosa Nostra require a blood oath, and Jin wouldn't like delays to his game update.

Letter is Promise all grown up, a little wiser and more developed, and I hope in every subsequent album Jimin releases for the rest of his career, that there is a version of Promise, a song that feels like Jimin - comforting, easy, warm, simple, and beautiful. Listening to it I'm so thankful Jimin exists. (Yes Jimin, I'm that fan who is simply happy you're alive - Pixid reference, so for anyone who hasn't watched it yet I've linked it here).

*

FACE is a solid 8.1 / 10.

(Are you streaming?)

It's a great thing Jimin has been so forthcoming in talking about the process and his reasons for making the album, the songs on it, as well as how he had key input on the choreography. I strongly suggest everyone watch his live (linked here - I should probably also mention the English subs aren't up yet, just FYI). Jimin has been very clear about what he's communicating in FACE so I won't tarry on it.

My favourite songs in order of least to most:

5) Like Crazy

4) Face Off

3) Letter

2) Alone

1) Set Me Free Pt 2

Something about each song in reverse order with the exception of Letter - for Letter, see mafia case above.

Set Me Free Pt 2

This is the best song on the album.

Alone

There are two reasons why SMF Pt 2 comes out on top over Alone though Alone in many ways is the superior song. (1) The production (including the use of autotune) in SMF Pt 2 is incredible, and (2) because Alone ends on too disturbing a note for me to dwell on, knowing that it has come from Jimin.

Everything about Alone is perfect. The way the song begins with piano, then guitar, and then drums. Jimin’s voice. That man’s voice seriously fucks with my head. It’s the way I feel every time Yoongi twitches his voice when he’s being particularly nasty. Or anytime I hear Joon’s adlibs in a song. Or what happens in my head every time Hoseok slathers his vocal inflections with grit. I don’t know if I’m making sense, but what I mean to say is that Jimin’s voice during the entire song feels like a gift. It draws you in. And then you hear what he’s singing about...

It’s heartbreaking.

I can’t abide the thought that this is something Jimin went through recently, and that I relate in a very personal way. The emotions expressed in Alone feel too raw, too scary, and too real, and while that could point to a worrying state of mind in its author, I think Jimin’s idiosyncratic bluntness and clarity of speech in Alone shows the state of someone who still reflects often, is self-aware and also resilient.

Still, it’s a sad song to hear, an even sadder one to sing, but it is one of the most powerful and beautiful songs I’ve ever heard.

(He's a problem)

*

Face Off

I appreciate the vision Jimin had for this song. Starting with the gag of him playing the Flea Waltz in the intro - the song the members have teased Jimin with repeatedly by saying it's the only song Jimin knows how to play on the piano - Jimin used that common (good-natured) taunt and then weaponized it in a song putting those who have crossed him in their place. It's clear by the second verse when Jimin raps that he's pushing himself to express what he means in as many ways as possible. He's challenging himself and sending a message, and that I can respect.

Anon in ask 1 who talked about the album showing the five stages of grief, I agree sort of. If we were to assign a response to each song, I'd say...

Face Off is Anger

Like Crazy - Denial (though bargaining works too)

Alone - Depression

Letter - Acceptance

(PJM2 will be madness)

*

Like Crazy

This is my least favourite song on the album because it never really develops, but it's also not supposed to. Jimin has said he wanted to express a dreamlike state in Like Crazy, and he does that impeccably well. The song leans into its 80s groove, heavy padded synths, something reminiscent of if Foster The People and The Weeknd made a song together. The thing about dreamlike states is that they lull your mind, and one easy way to create that effect is repetition and monotony. Think about why someone trying to hypnotize someone else tries to keep their voice steady, calm, and monotone. So, many times listening to Like Crazy I wanted the song to go somewhere, to become fuller or less predictable, but that would kill the trance so it didn't. While it's not my preference, I can appreciate Jimin's commitment to the idea of the song.

It's a great track even then. I sometimes listen to it right after Big Man, Little Dignity by Paramore.

Speaking of Like Crazy, there's been much ado about about Jimin's sexuality, queer-coding, etc in the song and so Anon in ask 5, I see where you're coming from.

Jimin is queer. I don't know what else there is to say about it or why even the mere possibility of Jimin being queer should generate the amount of fuss/discourse it does. It's possible I'm wrong of course, but like you Anon I don't think I saw Jimin even stand straight once during the entire MV. There’s not a single straight thing about this guy.

For the sticklers, perhaps the more diplomatic way of saying it is, 'many of us strongly suspect Jimin is queer.'

(What a stunner)

*

Jimin seems very pleased with his first album and this is my favourite thing about the last few weeks. Watching him for the last nine years, it's gratifying to see how he has fully embraced himself, his limitations, his pride, his vices, his virtues... Jimin is a strong tenacious person and in making this album, he turned that intensity inwards, towards learning to love himself. The result is five great tracks, and I'm eager to see what more he will show us in the future.

[thottyimagines]

Suigetsu simp reporting in:

Can we get a hc for Suigetsu on one or more of the following:

Pregnant s/o - maybe even reaction to finding out

Helicopter dad or nah?

Taking care of a sick s/o who is stubborn asf

I thirst for him 🫠

And if you’re really feeling it you can apply the same ones to Shisui since he’s such a babe.

Always feeling Shisui, anon.

Finding out S/O is pregnant

Suigetsu

Laughs. Good one, s/o! Don't tell that joke again!

When he realizes they aren't telling him some fucked up joke, he very seriously asks them what they want to do about it.

The switch flipping from "gleeful menace" to "concerned partner" is jarring, honestly.

If his s/o chooses to terminate the pregnancy, he will be there for them for whatever they need. He doesn't voice an opinion one way or the other - it's not his body, and he doesn't really have a stable life to give to a kid. It's one thing to drag around his consenting adult s/o into his nonsense, but he's a bit relieved to not have to figure out adding a kid in the mix.

However, if his s/o decides to go through with the pregnancy, he's there for that, too.

For all that he could have been fine with not dealing with the responsibilities of fathering a kid, he's kind of jazzed to have the opportunity. God, that thing is going to love swords.

Suigetsu is absolutely not a helicopter dad before or after the birth. He's more of the mindset that the strong survive. He'd actually delight in finding out he has one kid, but they ate their twin in the womb.

Shisui

Gets weird immediately.

Weird and intensely intense.

He's up in there wanting his s/o to know he supports whatever they choose to do with their body, but by god, he'd raise a kid. He'd do it alone, if that's what his s/o wanted.

It's not that he's super confident about being a stellar father, but rather, he's really romanticizing the idea of putting something good into the world.

Let's hope the s/o wants to raise the kid with him, or else there's some serious idolatry and complexes coming at them real fast.

Shisui takes out every parenting book he can get his hands on and compares the parenting methods in order to find the optimal child-rearing situation.

His ideal scenario is that he retires, or at least takes a few years off, and becomes a house husband.

Shisui helicopters from the shadows. The kid won't even realize it until they can sense a jonin like Shisui suppressing his chakra, so...given that they're a spawn of his, it'll be a sweet 8 years or so of Shisui being able to lurk behind his child.

Shisui wants more. Like, now.

[koorinokujira]

Ok this is just an idea, but who do you think would suit the trope s/he (reader) fell first, and s/he fell too late? it's just such an angsty idea i can't comprehend this gosh 😭😭

Oh, such drama! Such angst! But of course, I'll gladly deliver, Anon. Now, this actually made me think pretty hard, because let's be real- most of these people are probably very touch starved, because, you know, war. But I eventually came to the conclusion that it could be a few of our "less approachable/romanceable" leaders. So, our dearest Magoichi, Mitsunari... and honestly, I also decided to include Shingen (not saying he's unapproachable, we love our warlord dad). I chose him because he has great angst potential. So, happy reading! Well... not really happy, but hopefully enjoyable nonetheless.

💔 Too Little, Too Late - SB Imagines 💔

Ever since you met the one you fell so hard for, you felt nothing but affection. Sure, there were flaws, but you were willing to accept them, or try to help fix them if they could be fixed. You were loyal, devoted, and always willing to lend a hand. Hoping that maybe, just maybe, your efforts would be noticed and your love reciprocated. But it wasn't. Not until it was too late... but you aren't the one left to pick up the pieces.

💔 Magoichi 💔

Magoichi was always... fond of you. She didn't even realize it herself for the longest time- after all, relationships weren't exactly her forte. She had the Saika Faction to run, and even when she had time for herself between all those battles and price negotiations, she preferred to remain in solitude. Alone, as she was supposed to be. In her mind, at least.

She found you a bit strange, perhaps. Too good to be true. When she gave an order, you never hesitated and went for it. When she scolded you, you never complained and used it to become an even better soldier. Your skills with a rifle also weren't anything to scoff at. Really, you were a model member of the Faction. Always there, always willing to lend a hand. She appreciated it, as any superior would, though she rarely ever said anything out loud. Actions speak louder than words, after all. And she couldn't play favorites, nor allow herself to be anything but the strong leader everyone needs her to be. She had a legacy to carry.

But now, things are different. It all started innocently enough- she's been getting reports here and there that no one could find you. Of course, you always made sure to have all your tasks completed before sneaking out who knows where. And it happened only every once in a while, so there was no reason to worry. But slowly, it became more and more frequent, to the point where she just had to find out what was going on. Why would you sneak off like that? You were always more than content to spend your free time either alone or with the others- the Saika Faction was like family to you.

She feels your absence most of all, she realizes as she watches you leave from the encampment again, thinking that no one can see. It was like things got... grey, whenever you left. Dull, without that trademark friendly grin you gave her whenever she sent you out to do one thing or another. The way you'd pat your fellow warriors on the back and gave them uplifting words when they needed it. And the way your eyes softened when you talked to her- well, there weren't enough words to describe the feeling.

She hates this, hates this realization. That someone somehow bypassed the walls she built around her heart, and she didn't even notice. And she hates it even more at this moment, because the very reason she plans to follow you now is to check if you're not compromising the Faction somehow. Why else would you sneak off? The chances of you being a spy are small, of course... but never zero, and she owes the Faction at least this much.

Screw it all.

Magoichi makes sure to follow you at a good distance- your senses are not to be scoffed at, of course. You lead her across various paths, through a small forest, over a wooden bridge that's barely stable to walk on, and then... you get to a farm. A village is nearby, too. Everything around it has seen better days, but clearly, the place is still being tended to. There are crops, and Magoichi swears she hears some animals in the distance. But that's not what she focuses on, no.

She focuses on him. The kind looking farmer who looks to be only a bit older than you. You chat and laugh, with you giving him the same look you used to give her once upon a time. And he looks at you the same way. There is a certain... tenderness in the way you move, and the leader of the Saika Faction feels a strange ache in her chest.

You look happy.

And she has to turn away, feeling like a fool for the first time in a long while. Of course she missed all the signs, all the times you passed by her and "accidentally" brushed fingers with her, all the times you made a point to stay nearby after your tasks were finished. She never reciprocated... and so you eventually found someone who cares about you as much as you do about them.

It is a bittersweet feeling, this love. She looks at you one last time before heading back towards the hideout. It hurts badly, to finally let down her guard only to realize it was for nothing. But at the same time... it is strangely reassuring to know that despite her harsh exterior, someone still developed feelings for her, fleeting as they may have been. She knows they were true, this wasn't like that foolish vagabond that pestered her for affection. And she hopes that maybe, just maybe...

...there will be another who will disarm her with such ease. She will be ready this time.

💔 Mitsunari 💔

It's all so... stupid.

The war, the way he has to constantly fight to be respected, the fact that every single day he feels like he loses himself more and more... he hates it. He wants to scream, but how many times did he do that already? How many times did he lose his temper when someone even dared to think of going against him? And where has that gotten him? What was it all for?

Nothing.

If only he had a shoulder to cry on right now. Someone to tell him that all hope is not yet lost. He used to have that. But he took it for granted, and now it's gone. He would like to believe otherwise, of course, but as he stares back at your grave, he is reminded of the painful reality he's found himself in.

He knew these feelings before you died, of course. The deaths of Lord Hideyoshi and Lord Hanbe were more painful than a blade in his heart. The grief and thirst for revenge was what propelled him forward since then. And he'd keep going until he took Tokugawa's head, and everything would be right in the world. It was terrible, painful... but also simple. To him, at least.

But this... this is different. It started with rage, like before, but then it changed into something new. This pain, it's quiet. Instead of a raging tempest, it's a gentle breeze, bringing back the sweet smell of what he once held in his grasp. A soft requiem instead of a battlecry. And somehow, that makes his heart bleed more profusely than anything else before.

It was spring when he first met you, he remembers. He didn't really have time to appreciate the blooming flowers, though. His lord was already dead by that point, and it was all he could think of. And then you showed up, dragging him back to reality by force. You weren't like the others, walking on eggshells as to not upset him even further, no. You fearlessly locked eyes with him, introduced yourself and told him it was an honor to be serving in his army now. He was upset that someone interrupted his moment of quiet, of course, but something compelled him not to unsheathe his blade this time. He still remembers how he just grunted in annoyance and dismissed you without a word. Why even bother?

But you were hard at work, nonetheless. Fighting, doing as you're told, even showing an aptitude for strategy. With each battle won, you rose through the ranks, until he had to see you basically every single day. He would never admit it, but he found your presence refreshing. You were honest - too honest at times - and he never felt like you had some ulterior motive, unlike with a certain someone that acted as his right hand. Terribly stubborn, too; once he showed that he at least tolerates your presence, you refused to leave his side, taking it upon yourself to guard him.

No matter how much he ranted about how he wants to kill Ieyasu, no matter how unfriendly or harsh he was, no matter how much he was falling apart and being a terrible leader, you stuck by. Watching, listening. And more often than not, you had something to say, too. Usually something uplifting. Oh, how he hated you for not letting him wallow in misery back then. How you tried to get him to move on and fight for something else than revenge, that he had potential to even surpass those he missed so dearly. How dare you say such things?

And so he constantly dismissed you, belittled you for your naive hopes for a better tomorrow, for trusting in him so blindly. However, that was just his fear talking. The idea of having hope and it instantly getting shattered by this war, by his enemy, seemed much worse than the pain he was already feeling. He knew that pain, at least.

Mitsunari kept refusing to acknowledge you, despite the mounting feeling in his subconscious that he cared. And before he knew it... you sacrificed yourself. For a wounded brother in arms, despite being wounded yourself. You bought him time and lost all of your own by that deed. He wasn't even there to see it... he just saw your body getting carried into the castle and heard the story from the other soldiers.

Only when he picked up your bloodied blade that day did he realize how much he's really been holding back. He didn't just care, he... he loved. And it wasn't just about the comfort you provided, it was about... well, you. Your smile, the way you'd tap the hilt of your blade whenever you were thinking, the entertaining anecdotes you told him about the time you were still training as a warrior. Oh, and rain, you loved the rain. You'd stand in the middle of the courtyard during thunderstorms with the biggest smile on your face and come inside only after you looked like someone threw you into a lake, shaking with the cold. It makes you feel alive, you told him. Like you can finally breathe.

He kept that blade, using it instead of his own since then. The blade is a warrior's soul, after all. But it doesn't make it much better. He still feels that ache in his chest, even though it's been months. When Lord Hideyoshi died, he could feel angry, he had something to work towards. But there's no Ieyasu Tokugawa to blame this time. Only a battered blade of someone dear, a heart full of regrets and affections unsaid...

...and the flowers he could only place near your headstone now.

💔 Shingen 💔

Hindsight is 20/20, as they say. Not that the Lord of the Takeda clan would know such a phrase. But that doesn't stop him from feeling the crushing weight of its meaning. He's not used to such emotions anymore. When he loses someone, he's sad for a while, and then he moves on. As a leader, he can't afford to dwell on such things. He needs to move forward, lead his clan and help it thrive.

Except this time, he can't seem to shake it off.

And so here he is again, on the battlefield where it began and ended in what seemed like seconds. There's still a few places where grass hasn't really grown back yet after the ordeals of battle, but nature has mostly reclaimed it. There's a soft breeze blowing, and the sky is fairly clear. It's... peaceful. And yet, there's an ache in his heart that not even nature's beauty can cure.

As he sits down into the soft grass, he can't help but think back on the first time you two met. It was thanks to Yukimura, he remembers. You and his young mentee had become friends, and so it didn't take long for you to be dragged over to meet the Lord. Yukimura ranted and raved about how amazing of a fighter you are, while you just politely stood behind him. He remembers how respectful you were the entire time. And it didn't take too long for him to recognize your loyal, honorable ways, either. You were a great soldier.

But there were things he didn't notice fast enough. Like how your clear, formal tone started to soften whenever he discussed strategy with you. How the first thing you did when coming back from battle was to go see him and report personally, even if anyone else could have done it. And that one night when he couldn't sleep and found you in the courtyard, staring wistfully at the stars. You gave him such a kind smile that day, and invited him to join you. So he did. And it was a night that brought great comfort to his weary mind.

Why did he take it for granted?

Time went on, and the day of that fateful battle came. It seemed just like any other that the Takeda clan faced. Armed with both wits and weapons, the troops were ready. Yukimura was getting riled up, while Sasuke dropped his casual attitude and braced himself for the upcoming fight. And you stood proudly right at the front, ready to break through the enemy lines. However, no one expected how wrong it could get.

An ambush. They tore into the left flank, and the situation turned an organized battle into a chaotic bloodbath. There was confusion, screaming, and soldiers were dropping left and right. And as Lord Shingen tried to get a hold of the situation again, he didn't even notice the bow aimed at his back. But you did...

...and the arrow that should have hit him hit you instead.

He won't forget that terrible noise, followed by the thump of your body dropping on the ground. Seconds turned into eternity as he spun around and saw you, clutching the arrow in your chest. He didn't even notice how your fellow soldiers went after the bowman right after as he knelt down. The world seemed to go silent, interrupted only by the sound of you struggling to breathe. There were tears in your eyes and your hands trembled like they never did before. But it wasn't fear of death he saw in your eyes. It was regret.

And then you spoke. It was hard to understand... but he managed. You finally confessed. How much you admired him, and how his very presence made your days brighter. How you loved all his little quirks, and just... everything about him. How much it hurt that you were so close and yet so far. And then you just... apologized and begged him to forgive you for such dishonorable thoughts. But that if you were to die that day, you wanted to die with nothing left unsaid.

He remembers how your hands were still warm when he gently took them into his, realizing with horror that... he didn't want to let you go either. When did you become so important to him, and more importantly, why didn't he realize it sooner?! In his mind, he cursed whatever god made him so oblivious.

But on the outside, he simply shook his head.

"There is nothing to apologize for. I couldn't stop such a feeling even if I wanted to. But I don't. So please... keep it close, until we meet again. And then let me share it."

He still doesn't know how he spoke so calmly. Perhaps he hoped that those tears would stop running down your face, or that the wound in your chest would close with his comforting words. But all he got was a look of relief, before you took a last, shaky breath.

He looks up at the clouds lazily drifting above him, letting the memories flow. He hears birds chirping in the distance, and a white butterfly lands on the nearby flowers.

If only you could enjoy this scenery with him.

---

Whew, finally finished it! Many apologies for the delay. I felt super burnt out because of schoolwork, and these imagines gave me a bit of trouble.

Originally, Motonari was supposed to be here too (so the stories would be two scenarios where the reader lives, and two where they due), but after I wrote almost a 1000 words, I decided I hate it and that I need to practice writing him more before I do any scenarios with him lol. Our cold-hearted tactician will get his spotlight later, don't worry!

I have two more requests lined up right now, so I'll get to work again tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, and as always...

...have a spectacular day!