#so caught up in your own unhealthy dependency and idolization you see them as the light of your life

[merakiui]

I was thinking of serial killer azul using his status to get away with all the deaths he's doing but now that just seems stupid lol

NOT STUPID AT ALL!!! I’ve been meaning to discuss serial killer Azul so that we can finally have the complete sk set for Octavinelle!!!

I like to think these are the reasons each of them kill:

Jade -> to feed himself/the addiction he has to human meat. It’s more unhealthy dependency than it is for fun. He likes being in total control of someone’s life, but he has a monstrous appetite. Jade justifies it as this is a natural part of the food chain. Predators will feast and prey will become the food for said feast. He’s very methodical when he strips the life from his victims in perfect slabs.

Floyd -> spontaneous fun & based on mood swings. Definitely a thrill killer. Most of his kills are out of unrestrained anger. He’s always getting caught up in illegal activities, so he’s constantly toeing dangerous lines (usually crossing them on his own whims). Very violent kills; he isn’t very methodical and he doesn’t plan ahead much, but he’s smart enough to have the foresight for basic things (don’t leave bullet casings lying about, don’t discard the murder weapon carelessly, take care not to leave fingerprints, etc).

Azul -> jealousy and hatred. He wants what his victims have, whether that be love, good looks, certain abilities. I like to think he targets merfolk the most because he idolizes the human body too much, but because of this obsession he despises mers (especially those who have bullied him). Although with his love for the human form, there’s also room for intense envy. Even in his human form, he will still find flaws (the biggest being he is not a true human and can never be one; even with transformation potions he is still an octo-mer). Azul’s logic is that by killing his victims he takes from them the things they hold dear. If they’re beautiful, he’ll maim them beyond recognition. If they have a nice voice, he’ll slit their throats and tear their tongues out. Pretty eyes are gouged out. Manicured nails are torn from the fingers. He is very resentful. He does not kill for the thrill of it and his kills span months; not as frequent as Floyd’s or Jade’s kills. He finds a victim, stalks them, and then plans for the right time to strike, and doing all of that can take a while.

I like to think Azul might cross-dress just for an extra layer of protection. He’s good at crafting false identities and lying with his silver tongue, and the octopus is naturally good at camouflage. What better way to blend in than to dress up and act like an innocent girl who could do no harm, a sweet siren who lures others in with perfumed perfections? Besides, it’s easy to seduce others with stolen voices. Some of his victims really thought they were about to have the best night of their lives when Azul reaches under his skirt. Thigh holsters are quite useful for keeping daggers and knives on his person, and they’re easy to hide and access.

He sets his sights on you for a few reasons. Either you have something he wants (confidence, success, love, acceptance, nice voice, beauty in various forms, etc) or he sees pathetic parts of himself in you and he can’t stand to confront a reflection like that. Or you’re just so genuinely, naturally you and he hates that. Azul is a perfectionist who is committed to detail. He’ll spend as long as he needs to stalking you just to learn your habits and schedules. He’ll learn what type of person charms you so he can tailor his approach flawlessly. He will not be sloppy with this; he never is, which is how he’s evaded detection for so long.

He is a killer who keeps trophies from his victims. Azul is a collector, so of course he’d want to keep the most beautiful or highly coveted things from his victims. There are some things he can’t truly have, though. Things like love are complicated, but he’s told himself he doesn’t need foolish wishes for love or companionship. What good will that do? He only needs to keep moving forward because if he doesn’t he’ll become stagnant in a sea of humans and his shadow will catch up to him. He can’t go back to being that lousy octo-mer, so even if every step is made in pain he’ll take the walk. Anything’s better than the past he’s left buried in the sea.

[kidfoundonstreets]

angel and demon symbolism 

[shroudead]

Hello again~ Soooo... Recently Idia caught my eye and you know, to ruin myself more in destroying my current simp list and letting you write your fav boy. LET'S DO AN IDIA HEADCANON! :D (Yandere cause why not-)

Headcanons of how Idia would pursue his crush? Bonus points for adding what type of personality you think he'd fall for?

would you like idia propaganda? i will give you idia propaganda. i will write an entire 5-page essay with citations on idia shroud the prefect of ignihyde, if you'd like. i have turned one of my friends who wasn't even interested in twst to begin with into an idia simp and all i'm saying is please become an idia simp he is dreadfully unpopular in the eng fandom from what i see and i request more simps for worst boy for me to befriend<3

cw: yandere themes and characters, unhealthy relationships. please read at your own discretion!

Idia Shroud

"[Name]... I wish I could see your face in person. It's hopeless, though. Someone like me never could get the courage to..."

Idia prefers to watch from a distance when it comes to you. To him, he can't put how you make him feel into words—you're like a limited SSR that never got a rerun. He sees you with others and jealousy overcomes him. Idia wants you, needs you to himself—yet, he knows he can never have you to himself. Live CCTV footage of you is always playing on at least three of his monitors, and he has your socials pulled up on one: how else is someone like him supposed to learn what someone like you likes?

He first starts off with comments on your posts, and he's always first to comment, too. You don't dwell on it, and soon enough, you're exchanging messages back and forth. Idia's extensive knowledge of you makes you the best of friends in mere days—he just knows the right things to say! No matter how long you've been 'friends,' Idia's heart always skips a beat when messaging you. You don't know it's him after all, the resident hopeless shut-in of NRC—and he dreads the idea of you knowing. What if you hate him? What if you don't like him back in that way?

Ortho hangs out with you more often. It's innocent enough, yet he keeps mentioning how you'd get along so well with his brother—the three of you should all hang out someday, it'd be fun! Ortho won't take no for an answer: until you say yes, he won't stop sounding like a broken record. Your hangouts leave... something to be desired, though—Idia, visibly flustered can't look you in the eyes and his stuttering makes his words incomprehensible without his younger brother around. You can't help but find Idia's fixated gaze and heavy breathing creepy... it's just because he's anxious, right?

"A-Am I okay? Yeah—Yes, I-I am! It's just... y-y'know... you're... I—s-speak up? No, nonono—um, let's all play... t-this cabinet together! Ortho's always wanted to... to play this, right, Ortho?"

Bonus: I think the ideal type Idia falls for heavily depends on whether he's being written as yandere or non-yandere.

Yandere Idia, I can see him falling for someone he only project onto—it's far easier to delude yourself when you're in love with an idea and not a person. Idols, influencers, peers whom he rarely interacts with, for examples. His obsession with them isn't stopped by whether they have little-to-none in common, or if their personalities are incompatible: Idia's version of them isn't, and Idia's version of them loves him!

Non-yandere Idia would fall for someone who's persistent and truly takes an interest in him. To pull someone like him out of his shell, you really must be stubborn. People who are out-going, yet laidback and person-next-door types are examples. Once a strong friendship has formed, that's when Idia starts falling for them: nobody's ever tried to break down his walls like this before, after all.

I think a yandere Idia could fall for the latter type as an ideal type, it'd just be taken in a different course than the former one.

[decayandfanfics]

The great book of sayings

PAIRINGS: Tomura Shigaraki x FemReader

SUMMARY: He looks at you, his scarlet eyes fixed on yours, burning a hole through your head, every bit the predator he is, but you are as tough as it gets, so, against your better judgment and any well-founded logic, you answer his silent threat, the animalistic look he gives you with nothing less than a fearless smirk, irises burrowing into his pupils.A clever girl. He thinks, finally labeling you inside his head, cursing himself in the very moment he allows his brain to think of you as more than an asset. He is sure (he knows himself enough to know) he’ll think of this moment many times from now on.A clever pretty girl.

Reader is a typical college student until she gets herself tangled with the league of villains.

WARNINGS: Unhealthy/complicated relationships, violence, Tomura being Tomura, mentions of murder, heroes’ abuse of power, smut later.

A/N: I’m trying so hard to write crusty boy here really in character. At least after AfO is taken. Any misspelled words, english is not my native language so i’m trying Helen.

__________________________________________________________

Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

Honesty is the best policy.

She’s odd.

And that’s rich coming from him.

She’s weird in a soft homely way. In the way she speaks kindly but firm, always minding her own business, but pretty aware of everything is happening inside her little apartment.

He watches her taking notes, reading something in her laptop, fully concentrated. A bunch of colored highlights and sticky notes spreading in the study her study space, in a corner of her room.

It’s funny how after an hour or so she melts in the chair and begins to cry quietly hiding her face on her hands.

Five minutes later the alarm goes off, she stands up, washes her face and resumes her task.

What the fuck?

It’s not like he cares for her or what she feels, but that little display is so fucking weird, it caught his attention, so he asks.

“why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying.” She says with a serene smile painted in her face.

“Liar. you were crying like...five minutes ago.”

I don’t appreciate liars. He thinks briefly.

“oh, that…I always cry when I study.”

“…why?” he’s completely confused at her explanation because it doesn’t match her tranquil face.

“because I’m stressed and I’m finding difficult to understand this topic, I grow desperate. So, I cry.”

He looks at her like she grew another head.

“…you cry when you are stressed?”

“When I’m college stressed, yes. I mean…college does that to you, to everybody. Half of my class is on anxiolytics.”

“are you on anxiolytics?” he asks more and more confused.

She laughs lighthearted.

“no, I don’t have the money to pay for a psychiatrist. But I manage…Tons of coffee and programed crying while I study does it good for me.”

Tomura looks at her puzzled. He rarely thought about what it is to be twenty something and have a normal life. This is not what he had in mind.

She keeps taking notes in complete silence, a picture of a nasty fracture with some screws attached on her screen, but she seems pretty okay with the gory part of her task.

“Why did you want to become a doctor?” he interrupts her again.

“hmmm…I guess I wanted to save people.”

“like a hero?” He asks, snarling the word.

“maybe, I think my concept of heroes might be different from yours.” She states keeping her eyes glued to the screen.

“how so?” he eyes her, suspicious.

“I think that hero es a very big word, like doctor. People call physicians doctors, but the true meaning is someone who has a PHD.”

“and…?”

“and you have these “heroes” who go saving the day because is their profession, but the true meaning of the word doesn’t have anything to do with agencies and schools. A hero is someone who helps others but does it by incarnating important traits for the ones he saves.”

“Traits?”

“yes, traits. Like…I can be saved for a so-called hero, but if he’s not kind in the meanwhile, I wouldn’t think of it as much as heroic. That’s why anyone can be a hero to someone else, and at the same time not all heroes are heroes for everybody. It’s the same for villains.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it depends on your own morals and needs. You could kill a man tomorrow and people would say you are a monster, and then find out he was violent to his wife and children, and somehow now you are a little boy’s hero because you freed him from his monstrous father.”

“You think evil is in the eye of the beholder?”

“Not evil perse, there are things that are just wrong, but I think villainy and heroics are a matter of perspective.”

He waits before asking the next.

“and what’s your perspective?”

She brushes off the answer like is nothing. Like his heart is not pounding heavily inside his cage, fixed in her expression trying to grasp any lie in her statement.

“It has to do with politics, to be honest. I think right now, a very specific part of heroes is being super idolized. The ones who fight are treated like royalty by the government, paying them with our taxes, when that money could be used for rehab, hospitals or mental illness treatment. You see, thieves and murderers are not a factor, but a product of lack of opportunities. Monsters are made, not born. Of course, there are evil people, psychopaths and all that, but they are a minority. So, we pay Endeavor tons of money for him to fight with some random criminal every week, meanwhile children are starving in the streets, then those same children turn to violence and crime and who’s fault is that? But it’s okay, we can always pay some random dude in a leotard to beat the shit out of them. I mean, I had the opportunity of an education that will allow me to live pretty well-off tomorrow, but how many people has that? I cannot ask a person who grew up in a violent environment, poverty or homeless to be well adjusted, because morals are a luxury when you are hungry, and there are so many ways to starve a child. Not only food, but guidance, care, and love, but you cannot measure it in numbers, so no one cares.”

He looks at her aghast. Something warm feeling the hole in his chest.

She looks so pretty when she talks like this. Full of resolve, her brilliance shining through her clear opinions.

“do you hate heroes?” he asks full of something akin to hope.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, Shigaraki, but no. I don’t hate them. If anything, I feel sorry for them, because they have this massive impossible task of trying to save everyone, which is simply not accomplishable, meanwhile society keeps rolling over everything wrong like it’s not everybody’s business. I mean, it’s not Hawks or Endeavor, even All might’s obligation to care for the poor, the ill and the abandoned. That’s what’s the government is for.”

He licks his lips absentminded, thinking about her words for a moment. The great difference between them plainly obvious to him now.

She’s partial, compassionated and well adjusted to the model despite everything she knows. So, she works with what she has. Meanwhile he is an absolutist, he knows that. He doesn’t have in him the nerve to do anything in half. That’s why he hates and craves destruction as the only meaning to achieve his goal. As an outcast, he knows he’s every bit the monster society make him be and they all will pay for the life he didn’t got the chance to have.

Still, he takes what she offers as he always does. Her knowledge now saved like some advice, a confirmation of everything he wants to destroy.

A smile stretches across his face, his ruby eyes memorizing the curve or her cheeks.

Pretty when she smiles. He thinks, a self-indulgent thought he will allow for now.

“what?” she asks suddenly nervous, color rising to her ears out of the blue.

“you know what? You could be a wonderful villain.” He tells her smiling truly amused.

“oh” she smiles back “you have no idea.”

Chapter 7

[chaotic-sporatic]

My experience with demons and what I’ve learned

Started working with Bilial here in this past month. I used to think he hated me, which I thought was a valid mentally due to him attempting to posses me multiple times. But now that I’ve matured spiritually, I realize why he didn’t particularly like me.

I was working with Asmodeus a lot back then for reasons that were childish and not thought out at all. I wanted him to help me with a relationship that was one sided. I was heartbroken at the time and I was angery. The mentality that came from this was toxic and really twisted my mindset into something sour without me realizing it. Asmodeus knew that and got me to realize that I needed to focus on my self and my own spirituality before I should even be thinking about getting him to help me with that. His influences were subtle and he would regularly tell me that I need to be who I really am. He got me to come out as trans masc to my family and friends and I’m the most confident with myself now more than ever. I know who I am inside and out thanks to him, and I continue to learn more everyday. Asmodeus knew my original intentions for working with him weren’t healthy, but he never told me that directly because he wanted me to learn for myself. But he keeps his word on the deal we made sense the first day I contacted him. His promise to me was that he would sway the person who I wanted to form a romantic relationship with into situations that would favor what I wanted. He even pushed them away from other suitors. His only condition was that I focus on my spirituality and educate myself on the world and how it works. I did this, and that path lead me to realize what I was doing was wrong. Asmodeus taught me this lesson, fully knowing that I would never end up with the results I wanted. This person who I was so focused on was toxic in so many aspects. I basically worshiped the ground they walked on, and I can now see the error in my ways. It was unhealthy and this person didn’t respect me in the slightest. I am left no with trauma about this situation, but I do not blame Asmodeus for this. I blame myself for buying into an idol who wanted nothing to do with me and humored me out of putty, and I blame this idol for allowing me to do so and continuing to feed me with the idea that it could ever be possible to be in a relationship with them.

While I was still deep in this obsession, my partnership with Asmodeus caught the attention of another demon. Belial contacted me while I was using a Ouija board with a friend of mine. His intentions were negative and he outright told me that what I was doing was wrong. Working with Asmodeus for the reasons I was that is. He never told me why, and I realize now that he was trying to push me in the direction of becomeing inligenes about that. At the time, I was not afraid of him. I have learned that there is nothing to fear when working with any spirit. I respect the power that they have, especially demons who are as powerful and Belial and Asmodeus. I treat everything with respect, not hatred or fear, because it allows a bond to form between both myself and what I am working with. I highly recommend this mindset when communing with anyone. This mindset doesn’t protect you from their influence completely though. Belial strongly disliked me for what I was doing, and the room was ice cold. Both me and my friend could feel it. She didn’t feel his energy the same way I did, as his hate was directed at me and not her primarily. I was wearing an amythyst necklace to serve as protection while using the Ouija board, as I do when working with anything that is unknown to me. It broke while mid-conversation, and Belial told me that he was the one who did it. After that moment, his energy became overwhelming and surrounded me. I began feeling sick and my head started to pound. My surroundings became hazy and I was on the verge of passing out. This was not an instantaneous experience, it was progressing as the session continued. My will was strong enough to hold him back from taking a full hold on me, and I also have Asmodeus to thank for warding Belial off in the end. Once Asmodeus entree the space. My friend and I could feel it. It was protective and comforting while still filled with power, and it is the energy I associate with him primarily, especially in situations like this. Belial backed away and we ended the session not long after. In the following week, I experienced symptoms of possession while never becoming fully possessed myself. Having Belial overshadowing me with his hatred towards my actions while still being ignorant to my errors was a troublesome time in my life. It did get me to start to think of why he would feel this way though. Though he was harmful to me at the time, I feel that he was trying to help in a strange display of affection similar to the type of people who pick of the people they love. I do the same thing, so this was a realization that has come quickly to me while writing this, coincidentally enough. As I pondered why he didn’t like my actions, I realized the reason he was so upset with me. I didn’t take this realization seriously due to being foolish enough to think that my goal surpassed the wrongness that came with trying to control the feelings of another person. I continued down my path untill I could no longer convince myself of any hope for my goal coming to fruition.

After I became knowledgeable over my actions and fully realized the gravity of the situation, I opened my eyes to the world and myself. I have learned that the world has beauty in it and that everything around me is part of the same living breathing organism. But I’m not here to talk about that philosophy haha. The point is, once I opened my mind, Belial contacted me once again. His energy was sharp like before, but not in a negative way. He told me bluntly that he wanted to be my patron demon. I was shocked at the time, and had always thought Asmodeus to be my patron demon. I still have a very close connection to Asmodeus, but he has convinced me that this is the way things need to be. I am new to working with Belial, but over the corse of the last half a year, I have received many signs that Belial is persistent in wanting to work with me. I have matured spiritually, and he feels that he can finally converse with me in a way that doesn’t make him annoyed. I have never felt a negative presence about him like I had before, and I have learned much about things under his teachings.

I wanted to post this for people who are working with deities, more specifically goetic demons, are worth the struggle. It changes depending from person to person based on the spiritual journey they are meant to go on. Sometimes, you will end up feeling that your original goal is not being fulfilled and it will make you feel that there is no point in working with them. That it’s not worth the time if you aren’t getting results. I want people to know that they need to be open to change and that adapting to what the universe wants to teach you. It’s for the greater good, even when you doubt yourself and who you work with. Deities know what they are doing, and are only trying to help you grow. There will always be struggles, but taking the time to think is what opens your eyes.

[dredreadsdrawing]

Oc-tober day 5: Old

For Day 5’s challenge, I brought back what I believe to be my first trans character haha. This will start as cringe plz bear with me. Im copy pasting the Quickie I had planned for a post in my writing blog.

PunchLine: Quickie Summary

Just suddenly grew nostalgic of this story lol. Notes before delving into the plot:

-        I literally started this story’s concept when I was in 5th – 6th grade and first watched Ouran High School Host Club. My kid brain was mad at Haruhi for not taking advantage of her passing as a boy so I made what started as a self-insert oc that gradually transformed into my first trans character ever. Whack, lol.

-        Just a side thing, most of my damn stories have playlists and I swear, All Time Low/All American Rejects songs are exclusively this story’s official soundtrack.

-        The main character’s name is super…. Wow lol. Please bear with me I might change it, just… this was a story I started making when I was 11 and really liked ‘unique’ names instead of conventional ones >X,,D

-        Please have mercy on my tiny weeb soul.

Lolol ok, plot start naw. Keep in mind I was very influenced by anime at this point of my life so I started this in a stereotypical Japanese setting but made it more Americanized over the years. Big oof.

Protagonist (I called em Echo lol) is a hella poor girl living pretty much by herself in a shitty apartment. Her aunt is her caretaker but she’s never home and she doesn’t work. Echo has to work a job herself to make money for food. She has a quiet personality, long, terrible hair with split ends everywhere, and a boxy frame. She works doing lots of manual labor, adding to her poor health.

Because she’s always been quiet, no one knows who she really is. She’s just ‘that poor girl who never talks’,  and they mostly leave her alone. One particularly shitty night however, after getting fired without her pay, she gets caught by some hotshot popular dude and his cronies with her work uniform on. Kids aren’t supposed to work. He takes a picture and threatens to turn her in if she doesn’t follow him. He’s just looking for some easy fun with a docile girl he can make do anything. She’s done being docile.

In true anime fashion she beats the hell out of these dudes, trash talking them the entire time. She’s merciless, bashing them all black and blue until they pass out. Only once everyone but the main instigator is down does she take his phone. “I have back-ups!” The boy exclaims through broken teeth. She looks at him and posts the image onto his feed herself. She’s done going to school anyways. She destroys the phone, laughing, and he loses consciousness. She gets up and dusts herself off.

She had a spectator. Some dude had watched the whole thing from his fancy car. He thinks he could use someone like her.

The following week goes as expected. She’s expelled. Her aunt came to act as a concerned guardian in front of the school but left immediately after. She took Echo’s savings. Echo is laying in her mattress on the floor, pretty much wishing to be dead when a knock on the door breaks her concentration.

Oh boy. It’s the spectator dude with two other boys (one of em may end up being cut lol). He has a proposition. She join their prestigious team from some fancy school for something (idk I initially had her join a mob lol but these kids are still in highschool. Maybe their fighting club?) and they’ll pay for her tuition and living expenses. But there’s a catch. The team is boys-only and she has to crossdress. She signs up immediately anyways lol. From now on, she will live as a boy (so I will use he/him pronouns).

Hmm… mayhaps the reason Echo has such a ‘unique’ name is because he chose it himself. Like the edgy teen he is. Cries.

Echo packs his stuff and goes with em. He hears the specifics about his new group. Eric is the leader, who’s father founded the group. He clearly puts on an aura of being tough and in control, but his delivery is too forced. The spectator dude that found Echo is his co-leader, a guy who actually knows what he’s doing, but doesn’t want to overthrow Eric because he thinks it’s funny seeing him struggle. He is a dick lol. Depending on whether or not I’ll use him, the third dude is Eric’s best friend from childhood meant to be the soft one who helps Echo settle at first.

Moving on, I don’t have a coherent timeline of events, just scattered things that will happen. For sure, Eric and Echo keep butting heads, mostly because Eric tries to control Echo and the group as a whole too much, and Echo is like ‘dude, your demanding for perfection only makes me want to screw things up more to show you how unhealthy your expectations are. And also cuz youre cute when you’re mad.’

Eric has a legacy to live up to. He’s the classic worrywart trying to live up to an image and failing. Echo was brazen at first with his trying to mess Eric up, but he softens as he realizes how much it effects Eric. They eventually hear eachother out and come to a compromise. That’s the start of their friendship.

Then, a year later, comes Kimmie. She’s Eric’s childhood crush. She’s short, she’s plump, and she has a rude attitude. Eric’s been a simp for her since he was a kid. He tries way too hard to make her see him as a romantic partner; she’s the reason he grew out his hair when he heard her casually mention she likes it long.

What’s his reason for liking her so much? When they were kids, Eric was plump too, but unlike with her, kids would pick on him because he always just took it. She defended him a lot, and her fiery personality mixed with her ability to hit kids and get away with it made her feared. He idolized her ever since.

She reacts to this as well as you’d imagine a childhood crush staying just a crush is handled. Meaning she clearly sets up walls around him and tells him he’s not interested. Echo, however, catches her eye.

After a P.E session, Kimmie follows Echo to his usual changing place and catches him with his top off. Kimmie knew Echo was a ‘girl.’ Kimmie explains she had seen Echo before his transition. Echo laughs it off, finding her brazenness cute. “So what now? You wanna tell the school?” “… I require you for something actually…”

Kimmie is dating Echo now. Eric is devastated. Kimmie flaunts Echo around like a trophy, breaking many girl’s hearts that had previously asked him out. Echo has to follow her around as a part of their deal, but he doesn’t mind it. The more he learns about her, the more he likes her.

Eric tries to confront him about it along with his friends. Eric’s approach is…. Well… “You’re faking this, right? You don’t like girls, you’re not really a boy!” “Dude, I like what I like. Deal with it.” This response further punches Eric in the gut as everyone laughs nervously.

Some big event comes and Echo is Kimmie’s plus one. Eric doesn’t want to attend it so he stays in the mansion. Echo is feeling the guilt of the situation more with each day that passed. At the event, him and Kimmie have a great time, but when they escape the crowd and are alone, she tries for a kiss. Echo doesn’t proceed. Kimmie is disappointed, but Echo explains.

“I know the real reason you wanted to date me. It’s the same reason you touch my chest so much, why you wanted to see me in a dress, and why you told Eric you like long hair. Kimmie, you like girls.” He steps away from her. “And I can’t be your girlfriend in disguise.”

Kimmie is floored. She begins to cry. Echo is right. She’s a lesbian but she never wanted to accept it. She kept telling herself she’d find the right boy, and when Echo came, it felt so perfect. She thought she could just slip in and pretend that she was straight. But she isn’t.

She apologizes. She says, however, that she truly does like Echo now. Echo sighs and rubs their neck. “You can’t like me Kimmie… I’m not…” Kimmie thinks it through. “But… you were a girl before! The only reason you’re dressed like this is because of the contract!” “Yeaaaah… but I kinda like it now. This feels…. Better. More me.” Echo grins with confidence. “I’m a man now.”

Kimmie takes Echo’s figure in and sighs. “Ew. I can’t be date a man.” They laugh and break up, Echo going back home. Kimmie returns to the party and is spotted by one of Eric’s friends. He asks where Echo is and she tells him everything. Echo is going home, him and Kimmie just broke up. The friend tells Kimmie some comforting words before running away to the hall to call Eric and tell him the good news. Kimmie is available again, and he can be more aggressive this time!

Eric is slumped in the couch after binging Netflix and eating a pint of icecream. When he hears the news, his mind is stuck on only one piece of information. Echo is coming back home. Instead of feeling happy about Kimmie being available again, Eric realizes Echo is coming back after a break up. His worrywart tendencies has him picturing a comedically sobbing Echo, ruthlessly broken up with by Kimmie, wondering how he could continue to live without her. He cleans up the couch and by the time Echo enters, he’s saved him a spot on the couch and his own pint of icecream. Echo laughs but sits right beside him, accepting the comfort, even if Eric doesn’t know the full story. They have a nice night together, and by the morning, Kimmie’s sexuality is revealed thanks to a picture she posted in her social media celebrating with a girl she kissed.

She’s officially out and happier for it. Eric congratulates her when they run into eachother in the hallway. She’s surprised he’s not as sad as she expected him to be, but she’s touched by how genuinely kind he’s being to her. They stay friends, and even get closer thanks to Kimmie now putting her walls down again.

Movin on to another story event, Eric’s mom has been away for most of Echo’s stay, but she comes back. Eric has made it clear that Echo should stay away from her, and never let her know his transition. She somehow finds out thanks to some mishaps anyways. When the contract is revealed, she is ASTOUNDED that her boy would force a GIRL to live as a MAN. She’s putting a stop to this! She takes Echo away for a weekend spa treatment, girling Echo up, talking over him through the whole thing, never listening to his complaints and only reassuring herself that Echo is safe now and free to be pretty and feminine once more! It’s the proper way!

Needless to say Echo is uncomfortable.

The more Eric’s mom talks about herself and her own life, it’s clear that her way of thinking stems from some issues she had as a kid, being forced to work and to give up feminine things, but Echo doesn’t feel like she did at all. And though Echo enjoys some of the spa things, and doesn’t much mind being put in a dress, he just… prefers a suit. Would rather stay at home training with the group. Would rather keep his hair short as opposed to the length Eric’s mom proposes him to grow it at. It’s a bunch of little things, but they culminate in solidifying to Echo… he just wants to stay a boy. He’s not being forced to be one. He genuinely likes it.

When they return from their trip, Echo is in a skirt and heels. He is dolled up with professional make up and styled hair. The group ogles him, but as comments get thrown around about how good Echo looks as a girl, Eric can’t feel the same. He just feels it’s too… off. He doesn’t bring it up, he’s afraid he’ll hurt Echo’s feelings. All his mom’s mutterings got to him, and Eric feels guilty for forcing Echo to live as a man. 

During dinner, he reassures his mom and Echo that they can get rid of the contract and Echo can live in their house and attend their school clause free.

Echo stops him right there.

“I don’t want to be a girl. I’m a boy.”

Eric and his mom are confused. They try to reassure Echo, but Echo continues. “No. No offence ma’am, but all weekend, you have talked over me, never listening to what I have to say. I don’t want to be a girl. I am not like you. I do not share your experiences nor your desires. I like being a boy. I like being called a boy. I like dressing like a boy. I want to be known as a boy.”

Echo gets up.

“I’m going to go change now. But before I go, I want to keep the contract. I have no problem with any of the conditions.” Echo looks at Eric and smiles. “I like being a part of the group and competing with you guys.” He’s flustered by his sincerity. Echo leaves. For the rest of the day, Echo is unbothered in his room, but when night comes, Eric goes up to bring him some food.

Echo didn’t really wash off the make up very good (damn that high quality stuff), and his hair is a mess. But he’s in comfortable clothes and he brings in Eric so they can hang. They talk about trivial stuff at first, spend an hour playing a game, and when it’s 3am, Eric gathers the guts to talk about it. That he’s glad Echo stood up for himself, and he sees him as a boy too. Echo bursts into laughter, teasing Eric.

“So that’s what you were so nervous about. I thought you were planning to ask me on a date.” More flustered Eric. “W-Why would I-“ Echo gives him a half hug that stops him, hiding his own blushing face. “Thanks…” Eric hugs him back. It’s yet another sweet moment before they finally get together…. In some other event in the future mwahahaha. Idk, I haven’t decided yet when they confess and actually start going out ;p cries.

Welp, there ya go. This is a story I still cringe at because of how anime it starts but damn these chars got me. I love Echo, Eric and Kimmie ;o; I’m sorry I’m a sucker v-v

[iddaxia]

woosh, hi everyone !! i’m so sorry for how late i am, to be honest this was on a whim so my application was very last minute !! i certainly did not expect to get accepted on the first try, so i’m still in a bit of shock !! anyways, i’m jada, and i’m so excited to be here, bringing you my daughter zhao daxia into the idolize-verse !! she’s nineteen, nightmare’s vocal / dance ( please stan ) & the baby of the bunch !! thank you for the lovely messages, i’ll get to them very soon, but in the meantime give her stats, plots, and profile a look !! trivia below.~

she was born zhao da-xia, hailing from wuxi, china !!

always had health issues, like asthma, a childhood filled with 2 broken legs, and her thousand allergies. it’s been used against her to say she’s weak, but her entire life xia has sought to defy her appearance and grow stronger from it, though it’s hard !!

born the only child into a strict yet equally loving household

was homeschooled her whole life, which made her a bit awkward...

BUT because of it she learned a lot !! she was taught individually, which meant she got personal attention & was ushered by her parents to study hard. 

during this time she picked up a few hobbies - violin, piano, flute, and kung fu!!

she hasn’t played violin or flute in a minute, so she's a little rusty now, but she still plays piano regularly and has a black belt in kung fu ( i’ll let you ask her to demonstrate if she’s still good at that one, it might hurt )

with her only real friends being cousins & a few online ones, she got bored easily and flocked to the internet for entertainment !!

here she found her love for music, all types !! k-pop, in paticular, caught her eye the most though because it was so upbeat and fun. soon she began falling in love with all the original greats, such as genie, stat1c, power, jubilee, gemini, and diamant. these are still her favorite and she will forever love them the most !!

while getting into them, she developed her love of dancing & singing through learning their songs and choreographies.

from here, she also got into korean culture and begun getting into the foods, language & entertainment !! not koreaboo-level she just appreciated it ok kesdmef

anyways,, she didn’t really take it seriously as a career and just did it for fun UNTIL a superstar k audition popped up. xia had no idea in the slightest what she wanted to do with her life, so was just sort of like “ok!!” and signed herself up 

while she did work very hard in the months leading up to her audition, it was certainly on a whim and when she got on the show the judges could tell she didn’t really know what she was doing. she didn’t really have that much experience but the judges just liked her spirit and thought she had potential ( think jungha from the unit w/more skill keke )

she made it to fourth place, then was kicked from the show. :(

the whole experience made her really realize her love for performing, but she had no money to hang around in korea aimlessly so she was about to head home, until she was contacted by koala.t music!!!

they saw her potential & offered her a trainee position. of course, she agreed !!

trainee life was h-a-r-d. xia had always had baby fat & chubby features, and though her parent’s had always called it cute koala.t wanted it gone. she was constantly logged for weight loss which forced her to go on a very unhealthy diet which was a w f u l.

to make matters worse, her excitement to debut crumpled when she received almost instant backlash. she debuted after only eleven months of training, and many people thought she wasn’t qualified and wasn’t made for nightmare.

it’s taken her a while to recuperate from these comments, but slowly she’s learning how to use them to fuel her motivation.  

she really loves being in nightmare, and despite some of the other girl’s complaints, she really loves how different the contest is and wouldn’t give it up for any sort of popularity!! tbh she’s just happy and still a little awe-struck she got the spot and refuses to complain.

anyways onto some random tidbits about xia !! 

she’s both very dependent and incredibly independent. don’t know what i mean ?? basically she refuses to tell people when something’s wrong, and likes getting things done completely on her own, but her body likes to tell on her when she’s overworking herself. ( "i’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me” in the flesh )

l o v e s animals. all types, she adores them, and it seems she has a special touch because anytime she comes around animals start snuggling her.

self-proclaimed rapper, significantly lacking the skill but always the first to jump up and do jia and ahin’s parts. 

very optimistic !! a lot of times people think she’s playing it up for the cameras, but she really is just a happy person in general. very contrary to nightmare’s concept and it’s very hard for her not to slip a grin out when performing.

clumsy-clumsy-clumsy. there’s more than enough dedicated fans who’ve posted “xia being clumsy” montages, and while some find it cute she sees it as a major fault that holds her back from dancing.

stans e v e r y b o d y, litterally everyone. sure she has her favorites but i promise you if she knows you she loves you & knows at least one of your choreographies. honestly just a fangirl that made it to the stage, please give this girl one of your idol muses to stan unconditionally and i will love you forever.

just in...awe at all her sunbaes because she really can’t believe she’s here still, whenever any of her seniors walk past it’s just a bowing-apologizing-blushing mess. it’s ugly but she just respects them a lot and wants to be liked.

i think that’s it !! i’ll add more where i see fit but that’s all for now.~

[thewheezingwyvern]

Why most dark fans don’t like the DL boys “fluffy”

I’m sure you all have seen something like this cross your dash at some point or another. But this was something I needed to write about tonight. I’ve never really written at length on why this portrayal of the DL boys is something the dark fans don’t like (or at least the ones I’ve spoken to).

Really what it comes down to is that every dark fan that I’ve interacted with has been through abuse in some form or another. But the explanation on why this portrayal tends to bother us is more complex than that. Abuse, in all it’s forms, leaves long standing trauma and emotional issues that can take a very long time to heal from depending on the trauma, the effort of the person who went through the abuse to recover and how often they are exposed even after.

I will use myself as an example. I haven’t really talked much about this with many people. Only those closest to me. My stepdad was an abusive figure in my life. But his abuse was not one that I caught right away because his came in the form of gaslighting which makes you question your own judgement, sense of reality and also invalidates your own feelings. It’s also a form of abuse that is hard to really prove to other people, which can further trap you into the situation. 

The way he would speak to me would really impact my self esteem and really question myself. I felt like I couldn’t make a mistake. I would be made to feel stupid. I wasn’t allowed to really have an emotional response to anything because he always had a reason for why something was happening and so I was over reacting. Even when I was facing down a situation that could have kept me from getting a job after I worked hard and put myself in debt to graduate and get my degree.

“Ok but, Wyvern, the fluffy DL boys actually LOVE Yui!”

My stepdad loves me even though I wanted to tell myself otherwise because it made the knowledge that he was abusing me easier to handle. One of the hardest lessons I had to learn from this relationship was that someone can love and care the world about you and still do things that hurt you all the time. It hurts because you think that a person who does these things to you shouldn’t love you but they can still be toxic to your emotional and physical health.

Infact the mindset of “this person does this to you because they love you” actually caused me to not recognize sooner that the treatment I was receiving was not at all ok. I would tell myself that it was ok. Others would tell me that he really does love me. And as a result I went a long time thinking that I was too sensitive or reading too much into it. I even got into an unhealthy habit of invalidating my own feelings as a result.

I am now on the road to healing but it will be long, hard and very painful because this was something I grew up with for 20 years and only finally realized what it fully was 3 years ago. The first year was spent just trying to accept that I am an abuse victim. This has put a lot of emotional turbulence within me. I now have to work with dealing with my own emotions because I was taught it was more productive and desirable for me to just bury them instead of feeling them.

I am now in a relationship with a great man. We haven’t been together for very long but I am constantly thinking of “what if HE is abusive and I’m just not seeing it or ignoring the signs?” Remember, I had to learn that just because someone cares deeply for you doesn’t mean that they can’t keep hurting you. I am also dealing with this worrying fear that I have abusive habits towards the ones I love because that’s what was taught to me. Abuse victims have a trend of becoming abusers and I often fear that I will become like him.

There is a lot of emotional baggage and bullshit that I have to sort through now and my abuse was pretty mild compared to some of the other dark fans that I have spoken with.

“But it’s fiction! It’s not going to hurt anyone!”

Well, that’s a grey area. Fiction consumed with a discerning and understanding eye is fine. What we are concerned about is that there are a lot of minors in this fandom and many fans in general that we see idolizing these relationships. What we are worried about is someone seeing these depictions as relationship goals and then chasing after bad situations that could wreak psychological damage that they will be cleaning up for years after.

TL; DR

We aren’t upset at the fluff so much as the toxic mindset that we see some of these fans have thinking that their love will change an abuser and as a result land themselves in a harmful relationship. We want you all to know that it’s ok to enjoy the fictional aspect of this but recognize that it is unrealistic and could be harmful to you if that’s the standard you set for your relationships.

[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 

[babiewonho]

Haechan cc Anon . I hope you can asnwer me here and if you don't want to keep the sort of out of context post on your blog, I'll screenshot it so u can delete it the next day (I'm going to sleep). Thanks a lot, take good care

okay sorry take TWO…it took me a few days to get back to this bc it sapped so much energy when i typed out my first reply and then it got deleted + i have been adjusting to spring semester but i have some time now @.@ so first of all intuition wise i do not feel like he is in Danger or deeply upset. if that means anything depends completely on if u care about/trust in that sort of thing but anyways…to put you at peace somewhat

i do feel like it’s unavoidable for idols to have disordered eating at the very least if they do not eds which can obviously sometimes happen and we have seen it unfortunately. 

for the dreamies they said their diets are more preventative than restrictive as in they try to Prevent weight gain instead of trying to lose it quickly by just making the right dietary choices. i do agree dh has lost a lot of weight over the years but at the same time i think he mostly carries weight in his face and this creates the illusion of a chubby/fatter body when actually he has always been fairly slim and probably looked bigger in part bc he seems to be one of the quicker-to-develop rookies like in group pics he is like 2nd to mark before they all caught up to him. i really think his cheeks fool people (not necessarily you) into thinking his whole body is soft and chubby when he’s always been average/slim and kids having fat is normal anyways.

i’m sure he has lost some weight lately bc he has been promoting so HARD and im sure that comes at a price of not having time to eat/not eating enough/forgoing eating to sleep etc + they are doing  SO MUCH PHYSICAL ACTIVITY and must be annihilating the calories they do consume. it seems almost impossible they’d have anything but a deficit and at least maintain their slim bodies

i do agree that articles abt appearances tend to glamorize unhealthy or impossible to maintain weights like w/ w*ndy…unfortunately this is equated with goodness and perfection…imo and i dont necessarily have proof of this, i feel like dh is just someone who is Hungrier than others and maybe it takes more food for him to feel satisfied or perhaps he isn’t Hungry but just loves food. i remember on a czennies wld like this too ep taeyong and taeil were talking abt how haechan like absolutely devoured some crab and other food and like went into a trance and definitely overate and regretted it meanwhile some ppl like renjun are naturally super slim and they admittedly dont eat as much bc they just dont feel like it/arent as hungry/food isnt as appealing to them as others. i think that’s kind of the case with dh and think he has to diet harder than the others to compensate for that tendency to binge or just overeat carelessly (which is concerning and disordered but i feel like all idol’s diets are and that is just an unfortunate thing about the industry) but at the same time i do feel like some idols eat fairly normally?? even chenle seems to just eat the way he wants and doesnt seem very unhappy, but then again i am only on the outside

as for his weight gain it definitely makes sense bc his mom has been cooking him a lot of food/probably got concerned at his skinny idol appearance/hc has lost the ability to exercise to burn off excess calories he may be consuming. it’s the perfect equation for weight gain. i think bc of his health issue they will try to ease him back into it. i genuinely do think that and i think he will go on a diet to prepare but there’s just no way they can make him lose it all at once when he will be slowly regaining mobility anyways. it might even be the case that when he is removed from that environment where he is probably being lovingly encouraged to overeat and rest that the weight will come off on its own as he stops eating in excess and returns to a more normal portion size, at least returns to his body’s comfortable weight. at the very least it’s a good thing he got to be well nourished in this time and relax!

i understand that it feels like there is a lot of fixation on his body. personally i feel like a big part of this is bc actually a lot of dh stans like to victimize him and while i am not saying that nothing bad ever happens to him or they’re being unreasonable i think when you see so many people talking abt injustices that may or may not be ACTUALLY happening it is hard not to be concerned. i have heard ppl propose that he has an ed like hundreds of times and that’s why i pay close attention to him, but it’s hard to determine what is overly worrying and what is just like…the standard disordered eating of an idol. as someone with an ed myself he doesn’t raise any HUGE red flags for me even though i do and always will keep an eye on him esp bc he is so young. i think he is mostly okay for now genuinely.

we cannot control the future or even know for sure of course but i hope we can both just take comfort in the fact that at present he is sitting at home eating yummy food and being with his family and gaming