#so dennis is probably almost 8?

[jtargaryen18]

One Night With You ~ Pt 3

One Night With You ~ A Halloween Tale in 3 Parts

Masterlist

Read Part 1 | Part 2

Words: 5.8k

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Neighbor reader

Warnings: A little language, references to the sound of people having sex, masturbation.

Disclaimer: The author of this work claims no ownership of characters aside from the reader, and any original secondary characters mentioned. This work is not intended for those under the age of 18 due to explicit sexual content in the third act. By reading this work or any works on my blog (jtargaryen18), you agree that you are at least 18 years of age. I don’t consent to having my work reposted or translated.

Summary: For @iheartsebstan who was my very first follower here on Tumblr and one I adore. 💕 It’s all about a chance encounter and how it can make everything in your life so much better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 31st: Halloween

The trick-or-treat in your apartment building started at 7 PM. You had no idea just how many kids were in the apartment building because you usually went out with Denny or your coworkers. It was 8 and the event ran until 9. You’d gone through more than half of your candy. And you remembered joking with Bucky that he had enough candy to spare if you ran out.

The problem was, Bucky wasn’t home.

Would he be home? Was he out saving someone as a member of the Avengers?

Was he avoiding you?

You didn’t know who your neighbor was when you agreed to have dinner with him. This morning it was the first thought that popped into your head. With Denny snoring next to you, you were Googling James Buchanan Barnes.

Sure, everyone knew the story of Captain America and his best friend who’d been taken by Hydra and made into an assassin. You hadn't thought it was all that interesting in school. You remembered reading that Sergeant Barnes had been rehabilitated and was free from the dark mind control he’d been a victim of for long decades. That was good news. But, like Captain America, he was over a hundred years old. The man had to have some massive PTSD from what he’d been through.

How to reconcile that story with the man who lived next door? Bucky had seemed a little intimidating at first. Now that you were getting to know him better, he didn't feel like a threat at all.

Still, it explained why someone who looked like him wasn’t out in clubs, meeting people. It might have had a lot to do with the simplicity of your evening with him. Helping him make pasta and cook dinner. A nice conversation over a meal and for once, a man seemed truly interested in who you were, not what you had to offer.

Then Denny texted and he might just have ruined everything. It gave you something to think about last night. By the time Denny was trying to sneak out super early in the morning -- like he did most of the time -- you confronted him. He broke the agreement of your "non-relationship." You'd agreed there would be no displays of jealousy or possessiveness. You broke it off.

You hadn’t confirmed to Bucky that you had a boyfriend because Denny wasn’t that. But the minute he thought someone like Bucky was interested in you, he flew to your door to end what had been a wonderful evening. You didn't regret your decision there.

Bucky must think you’re either jerking him around or you were just straight-up crazy. Either way, that opportunity was probably gone.

“Wow,” Bucky’s voice rose above the din of all the kids' voices. He rounded the corner and his blue-eyed gaze locked with yours. He smiled and it just about stopped your heart. “There’s a lot of kids.”

You laughed. “That’s what I thought too. I’m glad you’re back, I’m almost out of candy.”

“Hang on,” he said, working through the crowd to get to his door and let himself in. In a flash, he was in his doorway like you were, holding a huge basket of candy. Walking over to you, he dumped some of it into the plastic pumpkin you were using. The faint notes of sandalwood and amber reached you.

Because being a super-hot reformed assassin isn’t enough. He had to smell good too.

Going back to his door, there were now two of you, it was a little less crazy on your end of the hall when another flock of them came around the corner. But when nine o’clock rolled around, you breathed a sigh of relief. You’d been dangerously close to running out of candy again.

“How bad was it before I got here?” Bucky asked.

“About as crazy as it was after you got here.”

The two of you laughed.

“At least it's Friday,” you offered. “I don’t have to work tomorrow.”

Bucky nodded. “Same. Hopefully.”

When he was about to turn to go back into his apartment, you asked, “You want to have a drink, watch a Halloween movie or something? With me?”

You sounded a lot less confident than you thought you would.

He stopped, looking surprised. Then that smile… “Yeah, that would be great.”

“Yeah?” you asked. Maybe you still had a shot.

Bucky started to follow you, then remembered he was holding a mostly empty basket of candy, and his apartment door was wide open. He set the basket just inside the door before locking it and coming with you.

Nerves almost got the better of you. Now knowing who he was? It was thrilling and terrifying all at once. You didn’t feel like he posed any threat to you, but you did hope you could talk to him like a normal fucking date instead of a fan girl. He must have so many of those.

Closing the door behind the two of you, you headed to the kitchen. “I’ve got bourbon and scotch, and I think I have some vodka here somewhere.”

“Vodka is fine,” Bucky said, taking a seat on your couch. “If you have it.”

That was easy enough. You made a vodka and tonic for each of you. Carrying them back to the living room, you joined him on the couch.

“I’m not going to get you into any trouble, am I?” Taking a drink, he kept his gaze on the glass in his hand. “Or have I already?”

“No, you didn’t have anything to do with it.” Well, yes you did. “Denny and I got into a fight this morning when he left, and it got a little loud. I hope we didn’t wake you up.”

Bucky shook his head. “I didn’t hear anything, but I left at 5.”

“Good,” you told him. You took a couple of drinks, wanting the temporary courage the alcohol might offer you. “You didn’t miss anything really.”

“Was everything alright?” he asked, the sincerity in his expression made your heart skip a beat. “Did you get everything settled?”

You drained your short glass on that note. Bucky watched you but didn’t say anything.

“Everything is settled,” you admitted. “I ended things with him.”

Did you imagine those smoky blue eyes lit up? “I’m sorry,” he said after a moment.

You shook your head. “Don’t be. I’m not.”

Bucky placed his glass on your coffee table, scrubbing a hand through those gorgeous locks of hair.

“Last night, you asked me if I was happy,” you admitted. “I thought I was for a while. We were friends with benefits, you know? Denny had just gotten out of a bad relationship when I met him. We were friends, then we started hooking up. He didn’t want a committed relationship because of all the awful things that happened to him in his last one.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Bucky said quietly. “That wasn’t you.”

He was right. And you knew that. 

“What did you get?” Bucky asked carefully.

“I wasn’t…” Sitting here and admitting this to Bucky, it hit you how ridiculous it all was. Your heart sank to think of how sad it was going to sound. But there was something in his gentle expression. A lack of judgment… “I wasn’t alone anymore. A couple of times a week I had someone to watch a movie with or have dinner with, you know?”

He nodded, his sensual lips pressing into a line.

But he did know. Flashes of what you’d read about him on Google flashed in your mind. He knew about being alone. He’d been held captive for decades. Who knew what the monsters of Hydra had done to him? Put him through? And what, you expected him to feel sorry for you?

“I’m sorry,” you told him. “I shouldn’t be complaining to you about… “

Easing back on your couch, Bucky’s expression was kind.

“You can complain to me if you want to,” he said.

“I mean, with everything you’ve experienced,” you said carefully. “I must sound pretty pathetic.”

Bucky nodded. “I didn’t think you recognized me.”

“I didn’t,” you told him. “Denny told me. The reason he texted me and showed up here last night all upset was because a friend of his saw me walking with you.”

“He was afraid for you?” You didn't like the worry that started seeping into his expression.

“No, he was jealous I guess,” you said.

Bucky huffed at that. “Jealous of me?”

You nodded. “He was. I guess he was afraid I was trading up.”

“I wouldn’t consider me trading up.”

You would.

“He can’t make pasta,” you finally said, hoping to lighten up the mood.

That made him smile. And he was so gorgeous when he smiled… But there were shadows behind his eyes. Shadows of doubt or fear? You couldn’t tell. You just knew you wanted to take them away.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “Really, none of it was your fault… And yet, it was. You showed me more genuine attention in one meeting than Denny did in our entire non-relationship – and that was before you made me dinner. I had a really nice time, Bucky. And I guess it got me thinking that… I want a relationship like that. Someone who is talking to me and listening instead of talking at me.”

“You deserve to have someone treat you right, doll,” Bucky said.

Doll, huh? You liked it.

“So, you’re an Avenger,” you finally said, now that things were out in the open.

Bucky shrugged. “Not really. It’s an opportunity.”

You didn’t understand. “An opportunity?”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, for me to go out and try to wipe out some of the red in my ledger. So to speak."

The poor man. "That red didn't belong in your ledger, Bucky. The things they made you do? Those weren't your decisions. Right?"

“No,” Bucky told you. “They weren't. But I still did those things. So many terrible things. I remember all of it, in painful detail. Those memories will never go away.”

You processed that for a moment. They had him for so many years. You were sitting next to a man who was over a hundred years old, most of that time he spent as an assassin for one of the worst criminal syndicates the world had ever seen. You could almost see the guilt weighing him down. 

“Do they, the Avengers, still consider you a threat?” you asked.

“Before they cleaned my head out, I was a threat,” he explained. The pain etched in his expression had your heart squeezing. What the poor man must have been through. And it wasn't his fault.

“I’m just surprised,” you admitted. “I feel perfectly safe here with you.”

The pain eased out of his expression at that, replaced by surprise.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you told him.

“That’s good,” he whispered. “I never want you to feel afraid of me.”

You believed him.

“So you wanted to watch a movie?” he asked.

That he wanted to direct the conversation away from himself, you got that. You didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. And you did invite him over for a movie. Snatching up your remote, you went to your collection of movies for streaming. You loved horror movies and you’d bought several over the last couple of years.

“See anything you want to watch?” you asked him. But when you looked at him, you caught him staring at you.

And you were fine with that.

His gaze shifted to your flat screen. “How about… what’s The Conjuring?” he asked.

Perfect. Ghosts. Possession. Hopefully nothing there that would bring back any bad memories for him.

“The Conjuring it is,” you told him, selecting it. You sat back on the couch, moving closer to the center. To Bucky.

The movie began, opening with Ed and Lorraine Warren giving a lecture back in the 70s. You could quote most of the movie, but Bucky hadn’t seen it yet, so you didn’t want to ruin the movie for him by talking. 

Halfway through the movie, Bucky moved a little closer, resting his left arm, the prosthetic arm, along the back of the couch behind you. It was a chilly October night and the warmth of him was tempting.

Yeah, everything about the man is a fucking temptation.

You leaned a little closer. Then he shifted closer to you. You went to put your head on his shoulder, but he stopped you.

“Sorry, that’s not going to be very comfortable,” he sounded apologetic.

Sitting up, you met his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

You didn’t want him to feel bad about his arm. You scrambled for a solution, and it came to you pretty quickly. Rising from the couch, you moved to sit next to him on the other side. Flitting around nervously as you were, you tripped and fell on the man.

Bucky caught you, face to face with him, your arms braced on the back of the couch on either side of his head. You weren’t rightly sure who moved first. All you knew was that your lips met his. The kiss was explosive, with him pulling you in to straddle his lap and your hands clutched in his hair as his kiss set you ablaze. The moan he pulled from you was a deep, raw sound. Bucky just felt so good beneath you, the soft locks of his hair in your hands, the taste of him filling your senses.

Long heated minutes ticked by as the two of you kissed, moving together. His lips were a tender tease, dancing against your own as if he couldn’t resist. His hands skimmed over your back and hips as you ground down on him, hard and heated beneath you.

Bucky was the one to break the kiss, panting against your lips while his hands held you in place. “Doll, stop,” he said. “I’m sorry. Jesus.”

Your breath came as fast as his. “Why are you sorry? Why—”

Bucky’s flesh hand cupped your face as he gazed into your eyes. “I want this… I think you get that. But this isn’t the only thing I want with you… I'm not Denny. And I don’t want to mess this up.”

“You won’t.” You were panting. “You can’t… “ Your body ached, literally, and all he’d really done so far was make out with you.

You started kissing him again and he didn’t fight you, he was clinging to you. Now his arms around you tightened. He rolled his hips beneath you, nudging into the ache where you needed him most.

He chained hot kisses across your jawline to your ear. His tongue teased the sensitive shell of it, his breath hot as he whispered, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, please,” you begged him.

The deep moan that pulled from him pushed your arousal even higher. In a hurry, you pulled the heavy sweater you wore over your head and flung it away. Your fingers moved to undo the buttons of the blouse you wore beneath it.

The heated velvet of his lips burned a path from your ear down your neck. His mouth claimed each patch of skin you revealed in opening the blouse. Bucky didn’t wait until you were finished to slide his good hand up under your bra, kneading the flesh that filled it. While you hurried to shed the blouse, he reached behind you to undo the clasp of the little black bra you wore, roughly pulling it off you. With your breasts on display for him, the heated look in those stormy blue eyes had desire burning you from the inside out.

When his flesh hand returned to your breast, you gasped at the gentle touch. You were used to sharp squeezes for someone else’s gratification. Bucky’s warm hand skimmed over your flesh like it was an honor to do so. The metal of his other arm warmed against the skin of your back while his head dipped, his lips wrapping around your nipple. His mouth was tender, careful. He didn’t bite you. His tongue played with the tight peak in a way that had you squirming on his lap, eager for more of his gentle touch.

You couldn't remember the last time a man was so careful with you.

When his lips blazed a trail to your other breast, you twisted to give him better access, to give him everything. If you hadn’t been so turned on, you would have been embarrassed at your own desperation. Still, he took his time, handling you with delicacy.

Bucky’s arms tightened around you, and he rose from your couch with you with no visible effort at all. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you held on. You were about to tell him where your bedroom was but then you realized, he knew the way. He’d never been in your apartment before. How did he know that?

Your bedroom was cool and dark. He was careful when he lowered you to your bed, reaching around you to turn on the lamp on your bedside table. You knew you were staring at him. With just a knee on the edge of your bed, and the man had beautiful thighs, Bucky stopped and looked at you in question.

“How did…” How did you ask without making him feel like he was doing something wrong? “How did you know where my bedroom was?”

Automatically his hands came up to scrub through his hair and you were cursing yourself. What the fuck were you thinking asking that? You were right there – in your bedroom where you wanted to be – with your super-hot, superhero neighbor.

“I’m sorry,” you said in a rush. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

When his troubled gaze moved to the door, you moved closer to him, placing a hand on the heavily muscled thigh before you.

“Please, don’t go,” you whispered.

Blowing out an exhale, Bucky slowly turned and sat on the edge of your bed. His back was to you, but his attention was very much on you. You could feel it.

“When they took me," he said slowly, "They gave me the serum that gave me all these abilities I never had naturally. Everything was enhanced. I was so much stronger than before and faster. All of my senses were enhanced. I can see things from a distance in great detail. I can pick up scents. My hearing..."

His hearing? Feeling a little awkward now, you crossed your arms over your bare chest. Bucky pulled off the black boots he wore.

Turning his head, he watched you from the corner of his eye. "The abilities they gave me, made me the ultimate predator. There was no one I couldn't find anywhere in the world."

Shivering on your own bed, you just listened. Your mind was scrambling as empathy battled with fear. Bucky was a good man, wasn't he? Because it occurred to you that if you were wrong about him or things went badly, you couldn't hide from him. You couldn't run from him.

While your mind was throwing up red flags in the background, the need that coursed through your body intensified. You wanted him in the worst possible way.

"Back in the real world, my abilities aren't necessarily a good thing, doll," he said as he turned to face you on the bed. His fingers started undoing the buttons on his flannel shirt and you couldn't pull your gaze away from those quick movements. "I've been your neighbor for many weeks now. I've seen you so many times in passing, always in a hurry to be somewhere."

Bucky wasn't wrong. You weren't the most punctual person. Self-sabotage and procrastination often made you late, always had you scrambling to get where you needed to go.

A chill of anticipation ran up your spine when he pulled that dark blue flannel shirt free of his jeans and peeled it off. Your gaze was immediately drawn to all those muscles, the elegant black metal arm with threads of gold adorning it. There was scarring at the skin around that arm but it wasn't as bad as you'd expected.

"You've got this style about you," Bucky said. "I would think someone who wears so much black was either in mourning or trying to hide themselves, to blend into the background. But you're not hiding. You drive me crazy, every time I see you. I love those little skirts you wear, those stockings and combat boots. I love the blood red lipstick you wear, the little silver earrings..."

You had no idea he'd noticed you at all. As it was, at this moment, you were only wearing jeans. You edged back towards the center of your bed. Almost as if it were a predator's response, Bucky followed you. The ache between your legs only grew, had you trembling under that heated gaze.

"I wasn't trying to listen to you in your apartment, doll," he went on. "I really wasn't. I can't really help what I hear."

Hear? Your gaze moved from studying that arm, cutting off thoughts you shouldn't be having about that arm, to meet his. Your mind struggled to push thoughts through your aroused state, to think about what he just said. What did he not mean to hear in your apartment?

How were you supposed to be able to hold a thought with him on your bed with you? All those muscles and warm flesh. How would he feel in your arms? On top of you? Inside you? 

Bucky whispered your name softly. "Did you hear me?"

You nodded, at least you thought you did in your lusty haze. 

"What did you hear?" you asked. "In my apartment."

"Most nights, I just heard you moving around in your apartment." Bucky's intense gaze held yours. "You watching TV or making yourself dinner. A couple of nights a week, he came over. And then I got to listen to you make dinner, listen to him talk about himself, his day. It pissed me off so much that he never asked how your day was, never brought you flowers or cooked for you. He didn't treat you right, doll."

Bucky had heard a lot. But if he'd heard all that...

"Then..."

"Then?" you prompted him. "You listened to us..."

Bucky paused, and a hint of chagrin bled into his expression. One hand slid over your right ankle and with care, he pulled off that shoe.

"I wasn't trying to," Bucky explained, removing your other shoe before leaning over to place both on the floor by your bed. "It wasn't a lot different from listening to the two of you have dinner... It was all about him." 

You were somewhere between humiliation and shame. The look in those smoky blue eyes, the care you read there, lessened the sting.

"I'm not saying you did anything wrong or that anything is wrong with you," Bucky moved closer, crowding you into your pillows. "Every time he was in your bed, it was all about him. He got off. You didn't. Not one time." When you dropped your gaze, careful warm fingers under your chin put it back on him. "He never even noticed."

Tears stung the backs of your eyes. Every word he spoke was the truth. This time when Bucky moved closer, pressing you onto your back beneath him, you didn't inch away. Tears slid from the corners of your eyes as he hovered over you. Propping himself on his metal arm, his natural hand smoothed over the side of your face, brushing your tears away.

His heated gaze locked with yours as he settled next to you, one heavy thigh draped across yours. His hand slid down to cover your right hand, his fingers lacing with yours. With care, he leaned over and began kissing you. The hand he captured, he moved to his head and you were fine with that, sliding your fingers through the satiny locks of dark hair. His shift in position had his thigh between yours now and you weren't going to lie, the way he nudged it up into your melting center made the ache worse. So good...

Bucky's kisses went to your head like good whiskey, sending ripples of heat and euphoria racing through your bloodstream. Your thighs clamped around that muscled thigh as his lips danced with yours, gently but demanding all the same. When he dropped some of his weight on you, you fought to breathe, vining around him to get more. Now both your hands were sliding through his hair as his lips blazed a trail across to your jaw then seeking out all the places that made you weak just under your ear. 

You'd pretty much disappeared beneath him, and you were loving it. He pulled a chorus of sounds from you as his mouth trailed down your neck, down to your chest. He chuckled at the way you whined when he moved off you.

"Shhh," he soothed. "I've got you."

When his lips surrounded one nipple, your hands clutched in his hair. You didn't have the time or wherewithal to consider how careful he was being or to remember how Denny more or less treated your breasts like stress balls. You were gasping as his lips and tongue teased the aching peak over and over. The desire he was stoking in you was unfamiliar, even in your private moments which was usually the only time you could find release. 

Your body had a mind of its own. Your back arched, a wanton plea for more, more... It gave him easier access and he took it. Your thighs clutched his in desperation because you needed relief from the fire he was building in your body. The intensity of that delicate ache was climbing. His hot mouth moved to your other breast as both his hands, warm and warming metal, began roaming over your body like fever chills.

Bucky loved it when you pulled his hair. He groaned when you started pumping your hips rhythmically, begging him without words for more. You felt that raw sound all through your body, gasping as he moved further down. He was rough when he plucked open your jeans, yanking them down with your panties to reveal all of you to him. His gaze roamed over all your newly revealed curves, making you shiver as anticipation threatened to get the best of you.

Without a thought, you slid a hand down to your own swollen, soaked flesh. Watching him licking his lips as you showed him how you worked your clit had you on the edge of the cliff...

"No, you don't." Bucky's voice was low and rough. 

Batting your hands away, he dove for you with his mouth. His lips and tongue in that tender flesh had you climaxing in seconds, wailing into the quiet of your bedroom. His hands wrapped around your thighs, holding them open as he really went to work, teasing you through the orgasm in a way that kept you flying, kept you riding that wave the way you rode his tongue. You couldn't move your lower body, couldn't get away from the onslaught of pleasure he was subjecting you to. 

You writhed wildly on the bed in his clutches. The sight of his dark hair, the locks dancing around your thighs as his mouth took you apart would be forever seared into your memory. The way he teased you relentlessly until you came a second time on the tip of his tongue had the world spinning around you. Your nipples were hard, aching peaks in your hands, your back arching wildly as he worked you through it.

Jesus. Would you survive this?

When all sensation stopped, you lay trembling on your bed like you'd been hit by lightning. Bucky scrambled to undo his jeans, shoving them down his body with haste as you watched him with hungry eyes. As soon as his cock was freed, you were staring, marveling at its size. Your hand slid around that heated stalk of flesh, warm velvet in your grasp. He was bigger than Denny or anyone else you'd been with. You were excited and nervous all at once. How was that going to feel?

As if he could read your mind, Bucky came back up to you. His shadow swallowed you again as he kissed your lips and gave you a taste of your own lust from his shiny lips. It only pushed your desire higher, had you winding yourself around him eager for more. When you reached between your bodies for him again, Bucky captured your hand and thwarted your efforts.

"Doll," he whispered against your lips. "I want you so much... But I need to slow down a little here. Okay? It's everything I can do not to come right now. And you're so small..."

"Please," was the only word you could get out.

"M'gonna take care of you," he whispered. "I promise... I'm treating you right."

You couldn't conjure an ounce of humiliation now. You did need more of him. You wanted all of him.

Taking himself in hand, he slid the swollen head of himself through your slippery folds back and forth. Each pass was a soft brush against your clit, a shot of pleasure to take your breath away. You held onto him as he slowly pushed into you, his breath a heated rush just like yours. 

And he was huge. You sucked in a breath as he kept pushing into you. It helped that he had you soaking wet, but feeling your pussy walls stretch around him was intense. The slightest pain blended with a sensation of fullness that had your thighs quivering around his. His blue-eyed gaze stayed on you as he kept going, watching you for any signs of distress. 

By the time he reached the end of you, you were on that ledge again. The only thing that kept you from sailing off that cliff now was the fact that he'd stopped moving. Bucky's body was still inside you as your body stretched around him.

Bucky's eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth slack above you.

"Are you okay?" he whispered.

Aside from feeling almost split in two in the best way possible, you were pretty fucking far from okay. You were squirming beneath him, hands clutching at his hair, at the damp muscles of his back. When you slid your hands down to the firmness of his ass, you squeezed. You needed him to move. You needed him to ride you like you were going somewhere.

"Don't...stop," you managed, fighting for air. "Please."

"Look at me," he whispered.

And you did, opening your eyes to meet his gaze.

"Does anything hurt?" Bucky asked, sounding as wrecked as you felt.

You shook your head frantically. "Please."

Because you weren't sure you were going to survive if he didn't start moving soon. You were burning from the inside, your lower body stretched around his cock, quivering in need sharper than anything you'd experienced so far. When you raked your nails up his back, you hoped he'd take the hint and take you. Destroy you. 

Slowly, he started moving and it was everything you craved. Bucky's cock was hitting places inside you that left you breathless. His body was heavily muscled, pressing yours into the mattress. All you could do was hang on as his thrusts sped up. Bucky wasn't fucking you. He was claiming you. It was in the tender possession of his hands that skimmed over your body. The sweet caress of his lips over your face and shoulders, dropping on your skin like warm summer rain.

And all the while, he made you take his cock, filling you again and again with thrusts that were driving you insane. When your inner walls began to quiver around him, you braced yourself for a release that was approaching so fast. Your heart hammering against his, Bucky sped up.

"Let go for me," he purred in your ear. 

You didn't have a choice. This time, you buried your face in his chest to muffle the scream. And Bucky kept going as you rode that wave, pleasure pulsing through your body as he began chasing his own end. Your name was a prayer on his lips as his movements quickened, desperate now instead of careful. At the last second, Bucky pulled himself free of you, his come spurting over your tummy, your thighs. There was a lot of it, hot and thick drizzled over your skin. Bucky looked so beautiful above you, lost to the same pleasure he'd just drowned you in as he worked himself with his hand.

Your eyes slid closed, you struggled to breathe. You couldn't remember the last time you felt so sated after sex, so fulfilled. 

"I hope that smile is for me," Bucky said softly, using his flannel to clean his spend from your skin. 

You were smiling. You were happy. But as your skin cooled, you shivered. Bucky tucked you under the covers, climbing under with you to stretch out on his back. When you moved close for cuddles, his right arm pulled you to him. You loved the steady beat of his heart below your ear, the sheer warmth of him.

"Sleepy," you murmured. "Will you stay?"

Denny had stayed after sex but he'd immediately turn his back to you and get on his phone. You didn't know Bucky's intentions but you were hoping he might want to stay the night.

"I'll stay," his voice was rough and sleepy. 

You held each other in the cool quiet of your bedroom. Bucky only moved you to turn out the lamp. Maybe now that it was dark, you felt a little braver.

"You said... that sex wasn't the only thing you wanted with me," you reminded him. "What did you mean?"

Bucky pressed a kiss into your hair. "I meant just that. Not that the sex wasn't good because it was amazing..."

Your heart skipped happily in your chest at that.

"But it's not all I want from you," Bucky said in the darkness. "I want to get to know you. I want to talk over breakfast in the morning and eat leftover candy." His fingers traced circles around your shoulder and arm. "I want to wait for you to get off work at the florist and take you on a date. I want to have hot chocolate and watch it snow outside together."

Snuggling closer, you smiled. It all sounded wonderful to you. And if sex was that good on top of it?

"Is that yes?" Bucky asked.

"Yes," you whispered. "But... do you think we can do what we just did again before breakfast in the morning?"

His sigh was a happy sound. 

"Doll, we can do anything you want," Bucky whispered.

@valsworldofcreativity @21stcenturywitchcraft @coconutqueen21 @bval-1 @caffiend-queen @sadlittlecountess @candy-and-writing @capsicle-shield @chaoticfiretaconerd @chrisevansgirl @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @coldmuffinbanditshoe @daughterofthenight117 @hv-chw3 @iheartsebstan @imanuglywombat @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @justrae9903 @lokislastlove @mariaenchanted @maxwelllee2020 @nekoannie-chan @nerdwholikesword @notyourtypicalrose @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho @peaceinourtime82 @rainbowkisses31 @rayofdawnworld @richonne4life @rissysthoughts-blog @saiyanprincessswanie @scarletsoldier21-blog @shygirl-00 @supernaturaldean67 @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @team-iron-wannabe-man @titty-teetee @tonib666 @villanellev @vitamingummies @what-is-your-plan-today @what-is-your-wish @xoxabs88xox @rosalynshields @naturalthrone22 @marvelovernfan @gotnofucks @eralen @kawairinrin @bluemusickid @geminievans1 @daughterofthenight117 @sunmoonandbuckyrecs @jesevans @kandis-mom @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @kmc1989 @curiousandjoyous @marvelouslyme96 @texmex

[charmac]

curious - do you think rcg may have had any notion that they may seriously explore the possibility of mac being gay in s6 era? s5 functionally lays the majority of groundwork for the subtext that they evolved into canonical text and s6 opens with mac fights gay marriage and imo mac is pretty heavily gay coded throughout that season. however, s7 totally makes me believe they hadn’t really considered it, because mac’s gay subtext is almost completely nonexistent, bar the flashback from s6 in 7x10. he is overtly “straight” that season. clearly by s8 it’s fully canon and one of the most logical next steps they could’ve taken with his character in retrospect, but i have always wondered if many of the choices in s6 wrt mac’s sexuality becoming increasingly more ambiguous were deliberate and i’m curious about your perspective.

I do 100%! I've definitely spoken about this before... I'm not sure if it was here or a Discord or maybe even an in-person conversation, but I've always thought it was so insane how they tell you Mac and Dennis Break Up is romantic in some sense. They are realising that their codependency is more than some "bromance" and it spooks them (obviously, really more-so Dennis).

I think acknowledging it on TASP isn't a surprise, but the fact that it's stated in the DVD commentary, before they even filmed S6, makes it clear that this was intentional foundation they intended to work off of. When Dee shatters the glass closet by stating Dennis' codependency with Mac is viewed as an "old married couple" situation, it fucks Dennis up way more than Mac, because Mac is unable to recognise the queerness of their relationship while Dennis can.

Once they make up, they've established something in the writers room going forward for Mac & Dennis that they clearly want to keep a part of their dynamic (again, as reaffirmed on the MADBU TASP episode): they are gay for each other. But they're not going to (mutually) recognise or accept it, because that ruins the joke.

So, in my opinion, they go into Season 6 really digging into that dynamic and playing on the joke by pushing against it: Dennis recognises the issue of being into Mac internally so he needs a wife; Mac recognises the issue of being gay externally so he needs to fight the gays. No doubt in my mind that throughout S6 they were writing and acting with this idea - though probably with no firm idea of where they wanted it to end up.

So we get to Season 7, and your point is the reason why Season 7 is one of my least favourite Seasons as a coherent part of Sunny (keeping in mind the flashbacks in How Mac Got Fat are just a scrapped S6 episode, reworked) - it seems to ignore a lot of the build up in order to make funny stand-alone episodes of the show. Was it because of Fat Mac? (Only one identity at a time for Mac, pls!) Is it because they had a chunk of guest writers? Is it because they thought there was a large chance it was the final season of the show? (They've talked about how when they shot the final scene for S7 (HS Reunion) it was under the idea that they might not get renewed)

Probably only RCG truly know (and maybe they don't even remember). As for me, while I don't think it was necessarily deliberate, like they sat down and said "actually lets roll back the gay [Mac] stuff here..." my idea is that going into S7 they hadn't yet figured out (or couldn't agree) if/how they wanted to make Mac's homosexuality crystal clear.

Maybe they dropped it for a season before deciding... or maybe this downtime served a purpose, because the reveals on Sunny serve one main goal: Subvert expectations.

Going from S5/6 to 8 is very obvious. That is a closeted gay guy. BUT when you have S7 cut in there in the middle, this working-season where they kind of play hard into Mac's aggressive temper and his stupidity and the fact that he's a voyeur, it's a little less-so. You're hit with Season 8 and that attempted kiss kind of comes out of nowhere and then every episode following has some kind of Mac is GAY moment and it's just extremely funny... Like, oh holy shit he's gay and he can't even recognise it.

But that gap does kinda throw you off like, was this a decision once they got renewed going forward that they needed one of them to be obviously gay based on their history? I really don’t think so, the foundation seems too intentional and the evidence we have that RCG acknowledged the character’s queerness (of all them) back then is enough to have me firmly believe the S6 stuff was just further groundwork for Mac’s character and his and Dennis’ opposing relationship

[formulatrash]

hi hazel, incredibly upset pascal fan here. don’t wanna fool myself into thinking he still has a shot to the title, but i would rather ask you how would you rate his season, especially compared to the previous ones in which he probably had tougher luck

heya; man, it's been a rough weekend for the FE fellas innit :(((

Pascal's had a very strong season. something I feel like people really underestimate about him is he's one of the drivers who came from F1 and almost instantly adapted to Formula E. Stoffel had the same ability, which is honestly commendable but he came in with all the machinery of Mercedes around him and with the knowledge he and the team had a year of learning as his first one.

Pascal wasn't in quite such a comfortable position; he had to hit the ground running at Mahindra to keep his seat. he doesn't have a WEC side gig or GTs to fall back on, he basically got so dropped he had to make it work. Mahindra is a relatively hard team to do that in - everyone there is lovely and works super hard but they are a small outfit compared to the factory teams and Pascal had to miss the first round because of his antagonistic Mercedes contract ties.

given that, his results have always been strong. clearly the Porsche factory team was not immediately on it, as a group and there was some significant operational frustration in the early years of him being there, including losing the victory to an admin error that, honestly, F4 teams have to do and the ex-LMP1 team should've been more than familiar with declaring tyre sets seeing as you have to do it all the time in endurance.

despite Porsche's gremlins, Pascal clearly stood out as the lead driver. although actually him and Andre scored fairly equal points across the two years they were teammates (Pascal had the upper hand but by a smaller margin than you'd think) it's been very obvious he got to grips with Gen3 quicker than Antonio did this year.

you could argue that was because Pascal did more of Porsche's specific development work than Antonio, who was still at Techeetah, did. except that no one was really doing any development work on Gen3 during Season 8, aside from powertrain building and with the best will in the world the drivers are not likely to be consulting on ECU chip packaging. the chassis were delivered so late almost no testing took place before the end of last season and some manufacturers hadn't even received a car, so it's less of an advantage than it should have been if the development had been kept to a reasonable timeline.

Pascal hit the ground running this year and took those early podiums. his results since haven't been as stellar, Jakarta win aside but he has been consistent, something it is nearly impossible to be in Formula E. he's picked up points whenever he can and he's stayed in the title fight because of that, with an incredible record of non-attrition compared to the majority of drivers.

if I was gonna do a video essay about Pascal's season and lord knows I'm pretty low on employment right now maybe I should, then it'd look at just how well he's managed to stay in the points. I can only think of one comparative season, which'd be Robin Frijns in contention without a win in Season 7.

he clearly can still take wins, as he ably demonstrated in Jakarta. Porsche's qualifying pace is off the boil and Jake Dennis being a wizard is also part of Andretti having been in FE since the very beginning, with all the operational experience that brings, compared to factory Porsche still being an ex-LMP1 squad playing at the world's weirdest single seaters.

(I'd also do a video essay on how being the customer team can be an advantage in Formula E. and like 12 on what the hell is going on in half the teams. unfortunately my phone would probably explode trying but anyway.)

overall I'd probably rank Pascal very highly in a list of FE drivers of the season. I think anyone underestimating his season would be talking rubbish; he's been clean, kept his head together and you can see that from where he still is in the standings. he hasn't completely made Antonio look like a fool (he certainly isn't one) but being 53 points ahead of a guy with many seasons more experience in FE and who took the most dominant championship win ever is, even on paper a good season.

to add the detail from following it, I think Pascal has put together some superb performances. he's only qualified higher than sixth twice (in Diriyah and Jakarta) and won both of those races. he also won in Diriyah from ninth. his Portland pace was particularly impressive to come from 20th to eighth in a race with severe energy constraints.

it's very clear that he has matured his own style of driving in and experience of Formula E and that he's evolved into a driver who is more than capable of doing what is very important in FE, which is being able to manage the whole race yourself. the team of course helps with that with all preparation but at the end of the day you are alone in the car executing the strategy, with nothing they can really do to help you on it, without pit stops.

I think Pascal is going to have a long career in FE, he's clearly clever enough to do it (you really have to be pretty damn smart, in all top level motorsport but particularly FE because you are your own engineer in the races) and more than competitive. his adaptation to Gen3 has been superb and it's only the first year.

[cauli-flawa]

Daisy House Fic: Growing Pains

Hour 6: wake up. For Ibarra, that time was for feeding the little ones.

Hour 8: morning chores and breakfast.

Hour 10: taking care of the babies. Ibarra had already done that, so she was hard at work growing rice.

Soon enough, it was noon: class time.

They were learning social skills today. The kids had an hour of independent study before the grown-ups finally got their butts out of bed. Unlike them, Ibarra was almost always the first to get up in the morning, and if she wasn't, it was because she had spent the previous night working.

As usual, Ibarra was late to class. She was busy doing important adult things that the actual adults never bothered to get done. In the front row was 5-year-old genius Hiroto, who for all his smarts still couldn't figure out how emotions worked. Luise, her protégé, sat in the back row. With a soft smile, she motioned to her big sister to take a seat.

And of course, in front of Luise was none other than the teacher's pet, Tomboy, with her new, perfectly straight hair.

She never understood why Tomboy was so obsessed with being Miss Holly's perfect little girl. When she turned ten, she got rid of her cool half-shaved haircut. She allowed Miss Holly to style her hair so it was all nice and neat.

It didn't matter how many times Tomboy squealed about it - she didn't look "mature." She looked stupid. It was like the bold, adventurous side of her former friend had been snipped off and trimmed into something barely recognizable.

They used walk to class together. They used to tease each other playfully, and lie in the grass and watch the clouds, and fantasize about who they'd become when they grew older. They used to spend late nights talking about their missing friends in hushed whispers.

Just yesterday, she had gabbed to her about glitterworld vacations. She had barely mentioned Osman or Jouvenet at all.

"And, by the way, Ibarra," she had said. "Miss Taleb told me she might replace my hand soon, so I'll be able to do some actual work!"

She kind of wanted to punch her.

Miss Holly was watching the little impid kid draw squiggly swords as if he was Vincent Van Gogh.

"Great job, Poppy! Now, I'm gonna have to go teach the big kids for a bit. You can keep drawing if you want."

She walked over to the blackboard, picked up a piece of chalk, and started to write.

Ibarra put her head on her desk. Resolving a make-believe argument with two chalkboard doodles wasn't going to bring Tomboy back.

"Dennis and Sasha here are friends. Now, let's say there is a rainy thunderstorm outside, and the two of them are trying to figure out what to do. Dennis wants to run outside in the rain with his friend, but Sasha wants to stay indoors and read together. They disagree, so now they are arguing. How would you solve this problem?"

Ibarra would know the answer if she could be bothered to pay any attention.

"Caz has a chocolate bar. But his friend Melody wants to have some of his chocolate. How should she try to persuade him?"

Ibarra noticed that Tomboy's seat was empty. She had probably wandered off to hang out with the grown-ups like the "mature" big kid she was trying to be now.

"Reese has gone off with her family on a trip. Asher, her best friend, is very sad and upset. Let's say that you were one of Asher's friends. How would you handle this situation?"

Ibarra rested her head on her folded arms and tried to take a nap.

She couldn't get Tomboy out of her mind.

Ibarra and Tomboy both had their share of flaws; Ibarra was short, Tomboy was missing a few fingers. But Tomboy had been so proud of who she was, flaws and all. She was proud of her frostbitten hands and ear and messy hair. She was proud of the fact that she always, always spoke her mind. She was proud of the fact that she used to be a slave. They had their arguments, they had their disagreements, but they were still friends.

And now--

"...barra? Ibarra? Kazuko Ibarra. Don't doze off in class!"

Miss Holly's bubbly, cheerful, slightly nasal voice snapped Ibarra back to the present.

"I wasn't sleeping."

"Sure, sure. Do you have any idea what we've been discussing for the past half hour?"

"We're learning how to argue with stick figures."

"Social skills. We're learning important social skills. I'm a little worried about you, Ibarra. Lately I've heard that sometimes, you don't show up to class at all, and when you do, you're like this."

Now she was getting called out. If this was a tactic to embarrass her, to whittle her into shape, it wasn't working.

"Are you feeling alright? Do you need to talk with one of us?"

She didn't need to talk with anyone. There was nothing "wrong" with her.

"No, I don't. But maybe you oughta check up on your little golden child before she dies of loneliness."

The words slipped out of her mouth. They just slipped. Sometimes that happened, and she hated it.

"Kazuko. Who are you referring to?"

The words kept coming.

"But actually, I do wanna talk to you. Right here, right now." Once she started talking, she couldn't stop.

"I think your lessons are boring. I think your stick-figure scenarios are stupid. I have better scenarios in mind."

She felt herself rising out of her seat.

"Let's say there's this kid. An older boy. He's tall and brave and kind. And there's this girl, who becomes friends with the boy. And some time later, a second girl joins them, and becomes friends with the boy and the other girl. Both girls are young and they see this boy like a big brother, because he was. Sometimes he... in the middle of the night, he goes off somewhere for a few hours. He doesn't say why, he just says that nothing bad happens to him when he does.

"And then there's a third girl who also becomes friends with the other kids. So the older boy is a big brother to three younger sisters. He cooks yummy food and tells them bedtime stories.

"But then, just days after the third girl joins the group, the older boy- the big brother gets taken away. He goes missing. He gets 'adopted.' And the two girls never see him again. The first girl is really confused and upset. The second girl is too, but she believes that the older brother is okay... wherever he is. But this third girl... she's still new. So she gets blamed for it. His disappearance. And the girls start to blame each other. And there's a lot of fighting. How do they handle that situation?

"I'll give you the answer. The three girls realize, they have to work together now. So the third girl is accepted into the friend group again. And they think everything is going to be okay, right?

"But then there's another boy. A younger boy. And another younger girl. And three, then four babies. And everyone is scrambling around trying to feed them, and the grown-ups randomly go off at night to do 'adult work' or 'night chores' while forcing the kids to wake up early and do all the other stuff they're supposed to do...

"And then the third girl gets put up for adoption. And she gets sent away the day after the announcement. No time to say goodbye. She's gone by morning.

"And the second girl... she changes. Changes completely. She's this totally new person. She's no longer a friend.

"So, what should the first girl do? How should she handle this situation? When her big brother goes missing, when her friend group slowly gets ripped apart, when the adults are doing shady stuff in the middle of the night, when she is surrounded by younger kids and has no idea if they'll all still be there next morning, what should she do?"

Ibarra didn't have to look up to know that the whole class was staring directly at her. She could feel it. She couldn't bear to meet their eyes. She slowly lowered herself back into her seat.

"Well..." began Ms. Holly. "That's... a good scenario, actually! A great one. It sounds very... stressful and complex. Let's go over it."

Ms. Holly turned to the blackboard.

"At the moment, the girl is dealing with some very complicated feelings. She feels helpless, confused, and lonely, and those are all very difficult feelings to be dealing with. What is the best thing she can do to handle these feelings?"

With some hesitation, Hiroto raised his hand.

"I'd... ask an adult."

"Good job, Hiroto! Excellent. The best thing she can do now is get someone trustworthy who would be willing to share this burden with her, like, for instance, an adult. Now, what should this adult tell the girl?"

The other two kids were silent.

"Well, if I were the adult, I would first let her know that I understand what she is feeling. Then, I'd reassure her that absolutely none of her friends will just suddenly go missing, and that the two friends who were put up for adoption are going to be perfectly okay.

"The most important and effective way to deal with the girl's emotions is to comfort her through them. You are her ally. You are on her side."

Ibarra looked up for a bit to see Miss Holly smiling at her.

"Understand?"

She hated how genuine that smile looked. She hated how she felt her heart melting.

"I understand," Ibarra muttered.

Someone knocked on the classroom door.

"Yo, Ann," Artelia's tired voice spoke from behind the door. "We got lunch."

Miss Holly's face lit up. "Yup! I'm on my way."

She turned to the kids. "Alright, class, good work today. Luise and Hiroto, you're dismissed. I need to talk with Ibarra privately."

She waited for the two kids to leave the classroom (Luise paused for a brief second to spare her big sis a worried glance) before walking to Ibarra's desk.

"Is everything okay, honey?"

Ibarra refused to give her eye contact.

"This year is starting out a little rough for you, isn't it? But, listen; I'm proud of you, okay? Artelia and Ms. Taleb are both very proud of you. You've been helping out so, so much. It's thanks to the work you do that we are able to spend time teaching and taking care of the other kids.

"I understand that you are upset at us. I understand you're afraid of losing your friends and family. And I understand you are afraid and unsure of what it means to be adopted.

"Things aren't the way they were back when it was just you. There are seven other kids now. So we have to work all the time to keep all of you safe, healthy, and fed.

"You don't have to worry, Ibarra. Everything is going to be okay. Hiroto and Luise are not going anywhere. Daisy, Daylily, Lavender and Poppy will be okay. We'll take care of them together like we always do. Your friend may be changing as a person, but that's because she's growing older, just like you. And I promise you, Ibarra, that Osman and Jouvenet are both happy and safe. I promise."

Ibarra wanted to say something, wanted to yell or scream or throw something. But for once in her life, she couldn't.

"Now then," said Miss Holly, reverting back to her bubbly self. "You must be hungry. Let's go get some grub!"

[danglovely]

Ranking Taskmaster Series

15. Series One

Even the worst series of Taskmaster is really good. The show hadn't figured out how to maximize the in-studio dynamic yet, so it comes off a little awkward. Tim Key constantly trying to cheat and Romesh Ranganathan obliterating a watermelon is still good television.

Best Task: Eat as much watermelon as possible.

14. Series Three

Alex and Greg are always consistent, so series quality becomes highly dependent on how memorable the tasks are and how how good the cast is. This series was a bit forgettable on both counts, but I'll never forget Rob Beckett's surprise for Alex.

Best Task: Communicate to your teammates the names of these films, books or TV programs.

13. Series Six

Iffy cast chemistry and tepid task designs. The standout moment comes because Lisa Tarbuck thinks showing love means making someone sit in a cake. Long live Team Funk (Alice never agreed to that name).

Best Task: Get the highest score in darts.

12. Series Four

This is definitely an unpopular opinion. This series has so much going for it with Hugh Dennis trying to find a loophole in every task and Mel Giedroyc naturally being the victim of three solo tasks due to relentless optimism. While the moments are good, I'm not sure the whole amounted to more than the sum of its parts.

Best Task: Put as many different things in the bathtub/Seal the top of this bathtub with cling film/Fill the bathtub with water.

11. Series Two

A shorter series and one where the show was still finding its footing. It probably would be lower if not for Joe Wilkinson. The first contestant to realize very early on that he wasn't going to win brought us Potatogate, a lovely scramble platter, and the knowledge that there's strength in arches.

Best Task: Place these three exercise balls on the yoga mat on the top of that hill.

10. Series Seven

Another unpopular opinion, it really speaks to the quality of the show that I have potentially its most popular season so low. James Acaster refusing to acknowledge Alex, Jessica Knappett falling off the stage, Phil Wang's pendulum. What brings this series down for me is twofold: (1) Kerry Godliman's constant indignant anger at perceived unfairness and (2) Rhod Gilbert's abuse of Alex and Greg -- funny at first, wore a little thin after awhile. Rhod still managed to steal the series with the finest workaround on the show.

Best Task: Tie yourself up as securely as possible.

9. Series Fifteen

Fifteen seasons in, it feels like show doesn't benefit from the contestants having watched so much Taskmaster. Mae Martin knew every trick coming in, and they built a lead that was as expert as it was uninteresting to watch.

Best Task: First to complete a line or four corners wins.

8. Series Nine

A lot of intriguing stuff going on here. This is a cast that just genuinely likes each other, but it also brings some of the most contrasting energies to the table. Ed and Jo are polar opposites in scale of competitive energy while David can always be counted on to find the worst way to approach a situation. The only reason this series isn't higher is the lack of standout task design.

Best Task: Put the most gold rings on this drumstick.

7. Series Thirteen

This is the first series I ever saw and it's a gem. Every contestant almost feels understated in how brilliant and hilarious they are. Judi Love is the best last-place of all time; Bridget Christie is the wild card we never knew we needed in our lives.

Best Task: Get the most ducks in Alex's basket.

6. Series Fourteen

I always seem to prefer the contestants that come in last over those that come in first. John and Fern were so fun and Dara was so weirdly intense. This would normally make for a mixed series if they hadn't completely exploited that dynamic by putting them all on a team with each other.

Best Task: With your hands on those hips at all times, put the most sand in the shopping trolley.

5. Series Ten

Johnny Vegas and Daisy Mae Cooper are top tier Taskmaster contestants, but I really love this series for the location tasks. Printworks is just a dark and amazing setting. Plus, Mawaan tried to fill an egg with helium in hopes that it would float.

Best Task: Complete the most tasks. There is one task behind each door.

4. Series Twelve

Couldn't this series let everybody win? We have an Alan Davies Wow Monster, Desiree pulling off the worst task performance of all time while always looking collected. Victoria learned how to ride a bike on national television and Morgana showed why being chaotic is a strength. I welcome any number of new revelations from Guz in the lab.

Best Task: Pop the balloon.

3. Series Eleven

Mike Wozniak elevates the series by himself. Lee was a big get for the show, Jamali's antagonistic relationship with Greg is fun, Sarah and Charlotte are delights. However, Mike is a unique pleasure and any series with him in it is bound to be one of the best.

Best Task: Say the word "metronome" between every tick of this metronome.

2. Series Five

This is what many believe to be the best series of the lot and they're not wrong in doing so. Bob Mortimer and Sally Phillips are legends for obvious reasons. Mark and Nish pleasantly bond over the underdog roles (despite Mark almost winning). Aisling brings her own level of unhinged energy. The tasks are on point and this cast just jives. It's a tragedy it didn't get ten episodes.

Best Task: Eat one item, throw one item, balance one item. 1. Series Eight

My favorite series is one of the least popular for one reason: Iain Stirling's competitive rage. This doesn't bring me down though -- The show has a hypercompetitive contestant almost every season (you could argue Lou Sanders was even more so) and everyone there seemed to genuinely like Iain (He and Lou are friends and Paul said he received an unfavorable edit on the podcast).

But mostly it just can't overcome all the good. It is a unique delight to watch Joe Thomas constantly be baffled by his own existence; the trainyard is the best location task setting the show has ever done; Paul Sinha in a phone booth. Throw in some unique Japanese theming and some peak task design -- at least for me, Series Eight reigns above.

Best Task: Get as close as you can to Alex without him noticing you.

[starryjeekies]

~ Omega X OT11 ~ Dom to Sub

A/N: hello, this was requested by one of my irl friends because I’m finally getting back into writing again and we just saw Omega X together. So I’m formatting this just like my E’last one so check that one out too if you’d like! It’s super unhinged I’m so sorry whoops. Everything is below the cut. Enjoy!!

Dom

1. Hyuk

2. Sebin

3. Yechan

4. Junghoon

5. Hangyeom

6 Jaehan

7. Xen

8. Taedong

9. Hwichan

10. Jehyun

11. Kevin

Sub

Dommest of dom. There is no sub part about him. Have you seen him? Hyuk is a man like no other. Sure he can be cute and adorable when he wants to be. But I honestly think that he needs total control in the bedroom. Now this doesn’t mean he won’t want someone on top of him, bouncing on him, but if anything else he’s a power bottom. There. That’s it. Send tweet.

Sebin. S e b i n. For some reason, my irls and I agree that he is unpredictable. We can’t actually determine anything about this man other than that he is a dom and he is freaky. It’s always the sweet ones that are crazy in the sheets. Because of this I feel like he would be the one in charge and doing all the crazy things. Might let you take control once but he won’t let that go to your head.

My dude will probably put up a fight if you try to dom him. I said it so many times but Yechan would be the bitch to square up in a Denny’s parking lot at 3 am. If anything, he would be the type of guy to make you ride him while being overstimulated whoops that’s a different post. There could be a façade of doming but if you slip out of line he will bring you crashing down.

Daddy Junghoon my mans, hello. Tbh out of everyone in OX, I wouldn’t pick Junghoon to have the daddy kink but hey whatever works for him (I highly suspect Yechan had something to do with this). But I think he would definitely be a dom more so because he doesn’t know how good it can be for a partner to take over. Once he’s been in a situation where he doesn’t have to be in control and he feels it hits different, then I think he’d be more open to you doming him more often.

A man who likes to please. Hangyeom is one who probably would do a lot of things his partner asks of him. Fuck them from behind? Bet. Against the wall? Just say please. Ride him? Better be lubed up. So not saying he’s a switch, but if you ask him to please you, he’ll probably be in control but give you a wild ride unless you ask otherwise.

Just a big baby, that’s all. I don’t think Jaehan is too much whichever way he goes. He’s a big sweetheart so whether it’s him controlling what happens or when you’ve had a few orgasm and take control to chase the final one, I think he’s happy either way. Probably is the type of dom who wants almost wreck you and you spring back at the last second so you’re both fucked out.

I had a long convo about this one, but Xen needs to be put into submission. I think he’s a switch with a dom lean and needs to be forced into submission because he’s a BRAT. Probably likes it too so don’t be afraid to. He’s definitely cocky in what he can do to you so you need to put him in his place with overstimulation and a nice cock ring oops wrong post again.

Taedong is only slightly higher on this list because there is a slightly more dom leaning but that is it. Otherwise I feel like its pretty even. Like 55/45. Yeah. I want to say that he’s game for a lot of things. He’s probably more of the experimentalist because he’s got a dancer physique and can contort his body in different ways. I also can just see him saying a mantra of “please” when he’s close and that’s hella sub energy.

The true switch in my opinion. When I asked “who would want a strap” and my friend immediately said Hwichan so I’m rolling with it. Hwichan is probably really fun and sex would be like the Olympics of just one round after another, both doing a new sport essentially. One minute he’d have you crying and the next you would be needing to hold his hips down to stop him fucking up into your hand.

Jehyun honey ily you’re my ult but your introverted ass comes off kinda subby. He’s shy and can be bashful but he’s also flirty (ik i met him irl and he called me pretty) so he has SOME confidence but I think he’s gotta be comfortable with a partner to determine if he can be more of a dom and more of a sub. Opposite of Taedong but still pretty close.

I want him to prove me wrong but Kevin is too sweet to be a dom. Yes, yes, I know soft doms exist but he is like a patch of daisies on a sunny spring day. I think it’s the pink hair and the constant duck faces he does. I definitely think being a dom is in him, for sure (thank you love me like) but just not as strongly s sub. Still an fantastic lover though don’t let his adorable face fool you he’s probably really good with his mouth.

[jimmyspades]

Random very rambling Boston Legal finale thoughts bc I’m bored some sorta spoilers obviously

Sometimes I think the writers forget Alan is a widower lol (like that scene earlier in 5x09 when he says "I was lucky enough to stave off the evil that so ages men... marriage.") but then 5x12 he says "I always thought, if I were to get married again..." so. I guess they remembered !

I'd always pictured Alan coming from a relatively well-off family, in large part bc of those episodes of The Practice season 8 where he goes back to his hometown of Dedham and his best friend is from a wealthy family, wealthy neighborhood, and also his general tastes and almost patrician attitude and things. But after noticing that line from the Thanksgiving episode—"I grew up in a very estranged, unhappy house. Most Thanksgivings my mother spent serving dinner in other people's homes"—which makes it clear they were not rich and perhaps the opposite? But nevertheless, keeping that fact in mind when Alan says he's always dreamt of opening a legal aid firm to help poor people who can't afford it...... sweet man. He’s done so much good and he’s only getting started

On a similar-ish note. Something about Alan remembering everything that’s ever happened to him—every wrong, every pain, every cruel word from his father, every time he was used. He’s been cursed with a steel-trap memory, it’s why he keeps people at arms length. But now that’s the one thing his best friend is losing, his mind. And as Denny’s legal partner and eventual caretaker, Alan’s curse becomes a blessing—he can remember for both of them. He’ll always be there to remember everything Denny forgets, to reassure him for the rest of his life. Ohhh man. Soulmates.

Still waiting for John Larroquette to share an autobiography someday because I would loveeee to hear his thoughts on the show generally/working with James specifically. On Night Court in the 80s, John and Richard Moll had some issues working together for the very same reasons I imagine John and James would not exactly mesh (work style/approach to acting)... but blegal is a much different show in style and format that I thiiiiink would negate some of those potential problems. But fascinated to hear how they got on!

How it feels thinking 100x harder about these TV lawyers than the writers did. Specifically being so mad about Alan Shore I want to analyze him like a bug I love him so deeply he’s such a wonderfully complicated character—while knowing it was just James’ day job for a couple years ago and probably means nothing to him on any deeper level and he hasn’t thought about him since 2008:

[longlivetv]

Because post concert high is real, here is a brief synopsis of my Eras experience:

Had a random 3pm meal at Dennys 9/10, would repeat

Approached stadium, not one parking attendant could tell us where ADA parking was. One lady told us to park where Taylor parks, which was clearly incorrect. The guy guarding her parking area directed us to an overpriced lot in which we ended up trapped after the show for an hour and a half. 2/10, would definitely advise against

Tried to meet up with @cages-boxes-hunters-foxes and @fitsinthepalm but could not due to much concourse traffic, and the fact my disabled friends had already had to cover much more ground then anticipated and could not wander around anymore. Cell service was shit, didn’t get most of the messages until k got home. Have bracelets for you, please DM for mailing. 13/10 for concept, 0/10 for execution.

Now things take a turn for the better. Found the correct escalator, and the nice lady working there informed us that the agent at the top of the stairs could probably re-seat us in ADA seating so that my friend Q who uses crutches did not have to climb to section 227 row 30 where our tickets were. We were, in fact, re-seated to section C25 row W5, which was on the club level, much easier for Q to access, and more side stage but also much closer. 15/10 for the stadium personnel who helped us once we were inside.

Had a blast during Gayle and Phoebe’s sets, got water and was able to pee in a womens bathroom at a Taylor Swift concert without waiting in line. 10/10

TAYLOR HOLY SHIT 1300/10

Q proposed to Z during Love Story, I cried, another lovely Swiftie on the other side of Q also filmed. The person next to me lost their mind and a cheer went up around us and it was beautiful. 💜/10

GREEN! DRESS! 10/10 for our fairy Princess

Nothing New *chefs kiss* no notes

Couldn’t tell exactly what was up during Bad Blood but were pleased to stan an artist that has her eye on the crowd and intervened even though she shouldn’t need to. 13/10 for Taylor, -10/10 for security

Solid Surprise Songs, Q and Z danced during This Love

Stuck around to scream for Taylor as she left 13/10 got some solid pics

Exit from stadium was closer than anticipated to parking, 8/10

Trapped in parking lot for an hour and a half no one moving. 1/10

Finally got home at 3am, it is now almost 4, I finally understand why Taylor can’t sleep after shows 🌟/10

[justawhimm]

you’re real

fandom: cyb//erp//unk 2077 summary: it's the first time he's really been alone with derry since she's been born. being the extrovert he is, though, he's losing his mind a little with the lack of people around to talk to. at least derry's a pretty good listener. this series explores the births of his four children and some moments of his parenting style toward each of them.

chapters: 2/8

content warnings: mention of alcohol use, mention of initial resentment toward an unborn children, mention familial issues

notes: Just a reminder that Derry isn't my creation! She's from the Cyb/erpu/nk TTRPG sourcebook known as Cyb//erGen//erat//ions, but has since been deemed noncanon. But! I liked the idea of her, so I'm writing about her.

Current Year: Early 2007 Kerry's Age: 19

cross posted on ao3

Being forced into a vacation wasn't necessarily how he was expecting the end of the tour to look like. … Ok, that sounded stupid as soon as he thought it out completely. Of course he would've had to have a break, regardless of whether he was still pregnant by the end of tour or not. Kinda inevitable and all of that. The part Kerry really hated and didn't expect to be an issue was the fact that he had to miss Nancy's wedding because he was fresh off giving birth and the idea of taking the baby on a plane sounded like a special kind of torture.

Nancy assured him it was fine. There wasn't much they could do about it. She insisted someone would record the ceremony, so he'd be able to watch it all with the rest of the band once everyone got back.

So, that left him. Alone. With his new daughter.

Derry Eur/ody/ne's birth had been all over the screamsheets for a while, unsurprisingly. What did surprise him was the fact that he'd actually decided to keep her. How? Well… fuck, he still wasn't totally sure yet. Just about a month postpartum, he was still struggling to figure out the details. There was a lot to think about. But honestly, he couldn't stand the idea of giving her to anyone else anymore. She was his. His tiny, insufferable virus. 

That sentiment had changed a lot over the weeks, though. He thought he was going to hate her from the moment he set eyes on her, but that was far from the truth of the matter. No, no… fuck, it really wasn't difficult to realize within just a few hours that he adored her. And much to the dismay of Johnny, he actually liked her name, too. 

What was so bad about it, after all? Sure, it was unconventional, but he thought it fit her pretty damn well. If she hated it, then whatever. She could change it when she got older. He didn't give a fuck. It was her life.

Back to the matter at hand.

For the first time since the day she was born, Kerry was alone with his daughter.

His bandmates and best friends were gone, off at the wedding. Probably getting drunk. God, he wished that was him. Kerry didn't really have contact with his parents anymore. Yeah, that was… mostly on him (Long story. He wouldn't dwell on it in his mind for long). That left him without anyone to rely on but himself.

It wasn't really like he was swimming in eddies, either. So hiring a nanny or something just wasn't an option. Hell, even getting any help from Johnny when he was home was almost impossible to attain. His kid, his problem, apparently. Guess he got that, yeah, but fuck. He would've hoped that maybe Johnny would have a single compassionate bone in his whole damn body.  Sometimes that was just asking way too much out of him.

Derry's little gurgles pulled Kerry out from letting his mind wander. Brown eyes trailed down to look at the baby girl on his chest, smiling at her slightly. That was one thing that kept him from getting too pissy with the idea of being a dad: the fact that she was so fuckin' cute.

"You sure sound like you're havin' a hell of a time," He remarked, pecking the top of her head. "Bet you're about as bored as I am, lil' Derry-Berry. All you've got ta do is eat, sleep, and shit. Can't even play with the toys your Aunt Denny got ya yet. Poor baby. Just… stuck with your dear ol' dad." Kerry sighed. He was beginning to feel ridiculous, talking to her like this. What was the point? Or maybe he was just so lonely and bored that he didn't give much of a shit.

"Ain't it pathetic, kid?" Kerry adjusted how he sat, his hold on her. He held her in a way where she was practically sitting at the end of his torso, his hands keeping her up and his fingers supporting her neck and head. It was hard not to smile at her, seeing her peer at him with those big eyes. "Dad's just… talkin' to you, but you don't really talk back. And I never really know what the fuck I'm doin'. Not like that's too much of a surprise, though. Don't think I ever know what I'm doin' in life. Your lolo and lola would probably already hate how I'm raisin' you, but… I'm doing my best."

Derry blinked at him, making a little "o" briefly with her mouth. She was so fuckin' cute, Kerry could hardly stand it. Bringing her closer, he'd press his lips to her cheek to make it squish against her face slightly. With that, he'd adjust how he held her again. He would let her lie back down in his arms, sitting himself up properly so he could look down at her.

"I don't think I'll do too bad… Doubt I'd be the worst dad in the world. Not by a long shot. I don't know who you're gonna be yet, but hopefully I'll instill a little bit of patience in that cute baby face of yours! 'Cause trust me, you'll need it when it comes to me. I'll get it eventually. You just might need to sit my ass down and tell me how it is sometimes. Yeah. Yeah… Just have some faith in me, Derry. I know I was a piece of shit while you were doing all your growing shit, but I wanna do right by you. I might still act like an asshole sometimes, but I promise I love you."

But that wasn't enough, and Kerry knew that. As much as he knew his parents loved him, they didn't give a shit about what he wanted. It was out of caring, out of love, but it'd caused more damage than anything else. Kerry never wanted that with Derry.

"I wanna listen to you. I want you to love me, too."

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary332

8/17/24

saturday

almost 11 pm and sleepayyy.

i did not watch nosferatu today... and i needed to prepare chicken but i did not...

but i did work on music, i sorted out a plugin issue hopefully... hopefully.... makes me feel crazy that stuff... and i read a little tiny bit so hopefully i can carry that into tomorrow. my cousin reached out, we talked for a bit, and i'm gonna call my mom tomorrow!! that's exciting.

tomorrow i'll do nosferatu and a short, and get some drums down in songs... yeah ... that sounds like a good idea. today i got a guitar sound a little better, less, i dunno... lame sounding maybe,

listening to this now:

fun ep, it'd be cool to get a guitar sound like this... i guess i could probably try to make some stuff a little gnarlier, post-amplifier stage and stuff... some more... grodyness. hard to figure out how to do that,

oh and i learned a new word today, i should have learned two but the other's eluding me now so i need to put it here tomorrow... oh and my selfies... that's tomorrow too. i'm too sleepy now. the new word from today is asterism(s), which is not a synonym for constellation but a word for things like the big dipper, a broader idea about groupings of stars. there's something super poetic about how close it is to "spasms," to me.

the story i read in dennis cooper's book today made me think about things losing connection to all else, here is one tiny quotation:

"they were no more his cast-offs than a stripper's fallen thong and tassels are mementos of the single mother forced to peel to pay her bills, and even to identify them would be like trying to assign rain puddles to their rightful cloud."

things bloated with thought and history and then that all turning to bile and digesting it almost, connection to others, it's all just distance, you're distant to yourself. of course, here in the story, it's about a group of men who murder boys because they find it sexy, and they eat them, and it's narrated by someone who speaks with such distance and cleverness about everything so as to be beyond it almost, or to draw the body into that region of elaboration and articulation, the delicate tendons of speech and fingers.

another quotation before bed:

"i could have sworn they weren't the same eyes he had always used on me, or, since they had to share the same orbs, that the relationship between them and his ego was entirely technical, as in the case of people who are blind but stubbornly refuse to wear dark glasses."

interesting how he finds ways to travel through these themes and particular framings of these themes, images, and so on.

i'm so tired though, so it's hard to get into all of that...

so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[adamwatchesmovies]

Tom and Jerry: The Movie (1992)

If you know your internet memes, you’re probably aware of the best scene in Tom and Jerry: The Movie. It’s got you wondering if there are other hidden gems within its running time. Could this movie be so bad it’s good? I'm sorry to say it isn’t. This animated musical comedy is an ordeal. The plot is worthless, the animation ok at best, the songs horrid, characters bland, and as a big-screen adaptation of the classic cartoon characters, it’s a knife in the back. The movie is fun to talk about, however. If you and your friends are bad movie sadomasochists, it may be worth checking out.

After her father disappears during a Tibetan expedition, 8-year-old Robyn Starling (voiced by Anndi McAfee) - and her family’s fortune - are given to her abusive guardian “Aunt” Pristine Figg (voiced by Charlotte Rae). She conspires with her lawyer, Lickboot (voiced by Tony Jay), to keep all of that beautiful money for themselves. When Robyn runs away and bumps into Tom (voiced by Richard King) and Jerry (voiced by Dana Hill), she brings them back home and learns her father may still be alive somewhere.

Let’s begin with that title. This is hardly a “Tom and Jerry movie". For one, the cat and mouse are not the main characters. I wouldn't even call them important to this plot. Robyn is the protagonist. Without her, there is no story, no conflict, no villains. This means films like Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory or Tom and Jerry and the Wizard of Oz - in which the titular duo are dumped in a plot they have little impact upon - are proudly upholding a tradition that began in 1992. It’s a shocker - almost as much as the scene in which the characters begin talking. They rarely - if ever - spoke in the cartoons. That was part of their appeal. It was all about these opponents trying to violently kill each other. Here, they sing a song about how good a pair of friends they are.

This movie wants to be ‘90s Disney so, so bad. To stretch its paper-thin plot (which is essentially ripped off from The Rescuers) we have one bad song after another. Each of these tunes is destined to be forgotten the second they end. That’s a relief. The rhymes and lyrics are so awful you’d curse yourself for remembering them if you did. However, this does bring us to the one - intentionally - good moment in the entire film: the villain’s song. (Money is Such) a Beautiful Word is exactly what you think it is. Minutes upon minutes of bad rhymes detailing how greedy Aunt Figg and Lickboot are. It’s pretty funny to see, but only if preceded by Tony Jay saying “We’ve got to have… money!”. The irony is that this blatant acknowledgment of greed is exactly what the executives must’ve told their lackeys when the film was green-lit.

There are obvious flaws in every scene. At one point, Robyn nearly drowns and is rescued by Captain Kiddie (voiced by Rip Taylor), the owner of a deserted amusement park whose right hand is always busy manipulating a puppet - an avatar for his split personality. Every sign points towards “child molester” but that wasn’t the intention, which is also pretty funny. When he's introduced, Aunt Figg and Lickboot desperately want Robyn back, so they're offering a $1 million reward to anyone who can find her and plaster her photo onto milk cartoons to spread the word. They do this on the same day she goes missing, which is impossible, but even the “we don’t care” team of director Phil Roman and writer Dennis Marks had to realize distributing these cartons would take a while, which is why Captain Kiddie explains to Robyn that she’s been out cold for 6 days. Anyone else would’ve called the police but evidently, he’s planning on chaining her up in his dungeon. Cut to a scene where he offers to pour Robyn a glass of milk. You can see where this is going. The carton has her picture on it, prompting his stupid bird to go ballistic and dollar signs to flash before his eyes. Here’s what I’m wondering. When did he buy that milk carton? Did he not recognize her before this very moment?

Another mistake in this train wreck is the character designs. They’re all over the place. When Tom and Jerry find themselves homeless (don’t ask), they meet a dog and his best friend, a flea. Both are dressed in real clothes and look like they come from a completely different movie. The next animals we meet are a gang of tough cats, who are also clothed and look as different from Puggsy and Frankie da Flea as. they do from Tom & Jerry. They also look nothing like Mrs. Figg’s dog, an ugly creature so fat it can’t even walk. It’s like a bunch of rejects from other animation studios were brought together to help fill space.

There’s a lot to complain about if you've seen Tom and Jerry: The Movie. This does make it sort of fun to tear apart, though to do so you’ll have to waste your time by watching the movie. I can’t say I’m sorry I sat through this mess - the “We’ve got to have… money” scene is funny enough that I will treasure it - but I doubt you would feel the same. (April 23, 2021)

[charmac]

Do you have any headcanons on macs experiences with men while he was in the closet? (Prior to Charlie catches a leprechaun) do you think he went to gay bars/did things w men or do you think he was too deep in denial and repression? I always love hearing your takes on the gang!

Ooo good question. Honestly I believe he's been hooking up with men since Season 8 when he was really, deeply repressed and was able to be gay with genuinely thinking it wasn't gay at all.

i.e. I believe 100% the gag in Charlie and Dee Find Love was that Trevor was fucking Mac, but Mac actually, genuinely believe that was considered wrestling. (The Maniac showed him that move...which begs a question...)

And to support my claim, Mac openly just -going for it- with Dennis in Recycles their Trash kinda proves he's not even registering what he's doing is gay/inappropriate/out of place, like yeah this is a thing that feels good that I'm gonna do.

To me, Season 8 establishes that he was clearly just kind of falling into gay situations that he didn't see as gay because there was some 'manlier' aspect behind them (wrestling and, uh, celebrating with your buddies, I suppose?). I like the idea that, you know, if he shuts up he's pretty cute, he's dumb, and he's very into complimenting men, so it's not far off to assume that when he wasn't with the Gang and doing his own thing, he was -falling into guy's laps- so to say, just by way of his existence... Things like Mac Day expose him where he's just greasing up guys on the side...very manly, nothing gay, he's popping boners but it's not gay because it's muscles and competition and that's too manly to be gay. And if any of those guys every noticed his boner and decided they needed a massage a little lower, or maybe needed to test his strength pumping, or his jaw.. well, that's just all part of making sure they're in top shape, and they're giving him some fitness tips in return, that's so nice

I think Season 10 threw him back into the actual seeking these things out life when he wasn't so repressed he was blind to what's gay (S8), he was having genuine gay experiences just off the street, in his various male-dominated situations (S9) but he's still too homophobic to admit what he wants. Misses the Boat pushed him over the line, probably... He used to be a party boy, but he gave that up for Dennis... He doesn't go out to clubs or bars anymore because that's harder not to see as explicitly gay until he does. He has to pretend to like being with a woman and now, it's impossible. It's impossible to ignore he's not into it, and he's opened a door to a lifestyle where Dennis has told him they won't ask any questions. (Not to mention he's now living in Dee's living room, with Dennis, Dennis who keeps rejecting his advances, almost on top of him. He's got no space to himself, but clubs and bars.. well that's a really easy place to meet someone that's willing to take you back to their place, since you don't have your own...)

Why do you think the Suburbs were so hard for him, alone, isolated, a sexless marriage with Dennis... he's so pent up because he's gotten used to something...

In summary: I imagine Leprechaun wasn't his first gay bar experience, or his first experience at the Rainbow, but I think 11 was probably the Season (maybe end of 10, probably right before) that he started going out fully, intentionally. But for years before that he was just so clearly gay, yet repressed, that he was constantly getting himself into gay situations organically, at first unknowingly gay to him, then it slowly wore into his thick skull that he's gay and this is all gay and it, well, feels too good to stop...so keep on leaning in...

[drericka]

i finally saw some 2015-era plot descs of HT2 that says something like “7 years after HT johnny and mavis are married, but when they have a baby-” (or something like that) and now i can see why a lot of people seem to think that it took mavis and johnny so long to get married

but i think it was a poorly worded way on the producers part of saying that the (then) CURRENT events of HT2 is 7 years after the first movie, which would make more sense seeing as we know it now, Drac’s only aged 10 years since then (532 in HT, 542 in HT3)

so it’s not 7 years later johnny and mavis get MARRIED, but 7 years later, they’re married and have an (almost) 5 year old son, which then leaves like a 3 year gap between then and HT3, rounding out to 10 years hooray

[impostoradult]

I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)

I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me: 

- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc  - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles

 All of that bothers me tremendously. 

But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up. 

*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out) 

But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday. 

I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered? 

Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all. 

***

A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).

One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™. 

Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)

Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written. 

But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this. 

And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER. 

I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:

There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV. 

Not ever.  

I can’t think of ONE example  Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna. 

Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.

That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes. 

***

Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing. 

And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct. 

There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.

A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough). 

B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough). 

C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough). 

D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough). 

But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging. 

Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents. 

All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely. 

But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!) 

Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail. 

***

Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place. 

And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.  

Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.

That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.  

But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again. 

All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime. 

So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn. 

***

Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:

1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)

2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder) 

3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings

[gffa]

Robots for the reverse unpopular opinion meme!

I'm someone who has a very tough time getting over the idea that we're meant to care about robots in a story. They're programmed to do everything they do, no matter how sentient they look, they're still just 1s and 0s, and I almost never can get that out of my head. However, Star Wars has some sort of magical touch, because I do care about some of the droids there, mostly because they're hilarious asshole cats in robot form. R2-D2? Will come screaming into the room, rebound off the wall because he doesn't give a fuck about anything so pedestrian as "speed limits", spitting a stream of oil at the enemy, and will light the bastards up. And probably roasts marshmallows over the bonfire just after the starwipe cuts away from the scene. He definitely has given Anakin Skywalker a ride across a huge canyon more than just once. Is also willing to cut a bitch if they cross him--he knows Anakin is Darth Vader and still was ready to fly his X-Wing right up Darth Asshole's exhaust pipe and murder him right in the face, because of what he did, like, Artoo did not hesitate, bitch. Chopper? Gleefully shocks both his friends and other droids. Sometimes for a purpose, sometimes for no reason, just because it's funny! The only one he won't be an asshole cat to is Hera, who instead he will hold her hand when she's sad about someone dying, oh noooooo, even my ice cold heart towards robots was melted in that moment! Chopper, though, will knife fight you in a parking lot behind a Denny's and, make no mistake, he will beat you. He's done this a thousand times more than you'll ever have done it. BB-8? Can be an absolute angel at times, if you're sweet to him, he will be the sweetest boy back to you. But if you get on his badside, let's just be clear, that was not a thumbs up that he gave Finn, that was a, "You hurt her and I will light you up, motherfucker." BD-1? Best boy. BEST BOY!!!! He will ride around on your shoulder and hop down to go look at interesting things, then come skittering back to scramble back up your arm when you're ready to leave, all while chirping and beeping adorably, he is precious. But will also, without hesitation, go for the throat on an Imperial walker, that baby droid will stomp on the controls and destroy them into a still-sparking mess that crashes the walker to the fucking ground and will hop out of the burning wreckage with you, still brightly beeping and booping, because he's adorably asking if you can go do that again. Faithful companion and destroyer of Imperial fuckers. Best boy. Best boy. Anyway, Star Wars droids are amazing and Lucasfilm is asleep at the wheel because I would pay cash money for an animated series of all the asshole murder droids being in a series together and going on an adventure. None of these fussy or reasonable droids! No! Give us the ones who would stab each other in their sleep for fun, but actually get along and understand each other, the way two house fires merging into one understand each other.

[revenge-of-the-shit]

Writing Tips - Chinese Names!

If you want to read this elsewhere, read this on medium or go check out my IG at @annessarose_writes! On that account, I’m writing book reviews of AAPI fiction, posting quotes, and I’m hoping to post more tips and tricks to boost Chinese representation in fiction.

Okie. I see a lot of posts with “name suggestions” going around, and they’re pretty neat! But they’re also almost exclusively Eurocentric and I rarely come across one that includes any non-white names.

Which, well, I do admit they’re helpful. But also, when it’s the only thing that keeps showing up, that’s not very good. When I tried my hand at creative writing when I was 7/8/9 years old, those were the only lists I ever saw online.

I’m Chinese. I tried to give my ocs a Chinese name. I took a look at those lists, and saw not one non-Eurocentric name. So I turned all my ocs white as a small beginning writer because as a child, I didn’t know better, and I thought names like mine were weird and that white was the only normal.

And... jeez. If writers can’t even get our names right - if they can’t even look at our names without going “that’s weird/out of place” - well, no wonder we’re so alienated. Look. We’re human. We’re here. We belong in this world and we deserve to be seen in fiction, too.

So here’s a list of Chinese family names. To my sci-fi writer friends or to my fantasy-writer friends who wish to draw from eastern cultures to inspire their worlds, if you wish to do so, go right ahead! But do it respectfully and don’t appropriate/completely whitewash it (see: how George Lucas did a lot of his stuff in Star Wars…)

They’ll be formatted [Mando]/[canto]. This is not a comprehensive list by any means. This is just a quick shortlist with some of the most popular family names so you can use this for your Chinese characters.

Wang/Wong

Li/Lee

Liu/Lau

Chen/Chan

Huang/Wong

Yang/Yeung

Wu/Ng

Zhao/Chiu

Zhou/Chow

Xu/Tsui

Ma

Zhu/Chu

Hu/Wu

Gao/Ko

Lin/Lam

Zheng/Chen

Liang/Leung

Xie/Tse

Examples of full Chinese names (or names inspired by Chinese culture), pulled straight from The Poppy War Trilogy by R. F. Kuang (seriously, go read it, I think it’s the best trilogy I’ve ever read):

Fang Runin

Chen Kitay

Yin Nezha

Sring Venka

Other examples from famous figures, historical or modern:

Yen Ji-Dan (Donnie Yen)

Jāu Sīngchìh (Stephen Chow)

Sun Yat Sen

Chiang Kai Shek/Jiang Jie Shi

Mao Zedong/Mao Tse Tung

Zhou Enlai

Some notes about personal names:

Personal names can vary immensely. In large families, all the daughters will be granted one character and all the sons another character and the only thing that will vary is the last character. Here’s an example:

Let’s say you’re writing about a family with the name of Chow set in like the 1900s. If they have lots of children, all the sons could be named “Chow Hok ____” and all the daughters “Chow Yuk _____.” So you could totally have a Chow Yuk-Dang and Chow Yuk-Tung and Chow Yuk-Kei in one family.

Why do they do that? It’s because in these families, it is very possible to meet someone and have no idea that you’re related. The naming system is, in a way, a method of figuring out how to identify each other.

Some old/traditional families pull the middle character of the full name from an ancient poem or text. It’s a way of identifying generations — one generation will have one character in the poem, then the next generation, the next character, and so on. It’s a family legacy tradition. The names would be something like [Family name] [Poem word] [Other word]

As for new families — some of whom have moved/adapted to the western world but still have a hold on their Chinese roots — their method of naming could be a lot simpler. Some parents just choose a name because it sounds nice. They might not even know what the name means. Source: This was how I’m named.

Smaller families who are not so entrenched in tradition but live in China could very well choose their children’s names based on sayings, poems, and the like. Their child’s name could mean something like “hard-working” or “prosperous.”

Some other things to consider:

Some people use hyphens between the two characters of their personal name. Some do not, and combine it into one word when romanizing it. Some leave them as two separate words. It varies per person’s preference — all of these are valid.

When I say “family name,” I mean last name (I think this is fairly obvious).

Chinese names are formatted [family name] [personal name]. Family name is one character — personal name is usually two.

There are many other dialects that I have not listed here. I stuck to Mandarin and Cantonese as they’re the ones I’m most familiar with. It should be noted that I’m using Hong Kong Cantonese here.

If you’re writing a diaspora character, they’ll likely stick to the traditional western format of writing names — as in, they’ll probably use [first name] [middle name] [last name]. It is very, very realistic to have a character named “Dennis Heen Gwong Lee” or something.

Sources:

Having lived this.

My parents, from Hong Kong.

My grandmother, who comes from China and was a Chinese History/Culture teacher for decades.