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#so hard not to tell people off
stuckinapril · 6 months
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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psqqa · 9 months
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yes, yes i know edgeworth’s big wet eyes and loser boy personality have captivated us all, but listen. listen.
phoenix wright
phoenix “genuinely unable to reconcile the girl on the stand with the girl he dated for eight months, a cognitive dissonance so profound it’s ultimately explained by them being literally two different people, but which he first sits with for five years and does not talk about at any point to anyone” wright
phoenix “don’t mention that name to me. i don’t want to talk about it. i don’t want to think about it. i am just going to keep myself in this state of perpetual crisis mode focus on other people’s problems until eventually i die and get to hang out with mia on the astral plane and never have to deal with any of these emotions ever again” wright
phoenix “overnight loses his career and reputation and sense of identity while gaining an adopted, probably pretty traumatized eight-year-old daughter, and rather than leaning on his friends for help, or getting therapy, or taking any time to process any of this, he *checks notes* spends seven years dedicating all his free time and energy to investigating the weird fucking circumstances around it and maintains a friendship with the guy he suspects was behind it all” wright
phoenix "runs across a burning bridge and falls through it, half a day after the game establishes that he is terrified of heights, because his friend is on the other side of that bridge" wright
phoenix “i sure felt surprised. maybe i had my poker face on” wright
phoenix “looking back on it that was actually a pretty dark period in my life” wright
phoenix “don’t ask me how i got started. i don’t remember” wright
phoenix “only you stood still, your eyes calmly watching” wright
phoenix “sometimes, life just sucks” wright
just
phoenix wright
crunchiest man in the world
and all i wanna do is chew and chew and chew on him
#ace attorney#where are all the people gnawing on phoenix's bones so white??#i need to find the phoenix bone-gnawing corner of this fandom PLEASE#this is me asking for the Phoenix Fic btw#where is the fic meditating on phoenix's whole mental state in general?#where is the fic about how it's phoenix's cageyness and poker face and flat affect under stress that is the hurdle?#the relationship ramifications of being actually really fucking hard to read when it comes down to it?#where is the fic about the week of his disbarment?#the one detailing the panicked blow by blow of it rippling through his social circle while he stands in the eye of the storm?#the one that ends messy and anxious and unresolved because it's week 1 of 7 years?#where is the birth of phoenix wright: poker legend fic?#where is the art school/theatre major phoenix fic?#no not the able to art/act phoenix fic but the kind of person who chooses to go to art school/study theatre phoenix fic#where is the supremely disinterested in pop culture phoenix fic?#where is the actually incredibly meticulous and competent phoenix fic?#capcom can tell me all they want that he's essentially an adhd disaster flying by the seat of his pants making it all up as he goes#but that's not what they're actually showing me#they're the ones who created an in-fiction legal system that functionally necessitates that#and the nature of the game is that phoenix is almost always proven right so rather than him coming off as hare-brained#his opponents rather just come off as short-sighted. either negligently or maliciously so#and the choices the writing makes in service of retaining mystery and audience suspense in fact function to make phoenix a person#who is astute and puts the pieces together but is cautious in his conclusions#i will grant them that phoenix does tend to lose sight of his overarching goal in getting drawn into proving or disproving minor points#the fact that edgeworth on the other hand never loses sight of this or where the various arguments stand in relation to it#is his sexiest trait as a character by far#but those minor points are actually functionally critical to the ultimate argument phoenix makes#so even though i do read that trait through the game mechanics i do also judge the other characters for being dicks about it#my point is phoenix wright does in fact have the character of a lawyer and is conventionally good at his job fucking fight me#my point is that you all have had 20 goddamn years to Rotate this man#my POINT is that there should be Intricate Fucked Up Meditations On Phoenix that rewire my fucking brain and i NEED to know where they are!
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artharakka · 5 months
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Beautiful, But Broken
#bg3#tiefling#tw blood#c: Viivi#so I redid my bg3 character because I wasn't feeling durge that much. So now my sibling does durge and I regular tav Viivi#(changed her to tiefling for funs)#at least I meant to do regular tav but uhhhhh things have gone very unfortunately very fast#anyway. Viivi is an artist; she does painting sculpting poetry and some prose. Experimenting with this and that#unfortunately she is deaf which made making connections a bit hard in the fine arts world#fortunately she has a patreon with one very generous patron (she's fey warlock)✨ who has bestowed some gifts of charms for her#which have opened doors of many art galleries#She's not a fighter so although she is confident in her own lane she is also very aware of her mortality#so she avoided any fights she could#which might have saved her but also got her into the mess of her lifetime#you see she couldn't fight the entire goblin camp and their leaders. She would've just not survived that. So she convinced them#that she is a True Soul. She is good at convincing people. It worked. They thought she is on their side. Good#Halsin also though Viivi was on their side. Halsin attacked Viivi's party. Now Halsin is dead.#So Viivi and her group were still alone deep within enemy fort. Viivi made new plans. She frees the prisoner who says he will warn the grov#Good thinks Viivi now they know to flee. I will go to Minthara and tell we got the information from prisoner of the grove location#she will trust us and we walk off#when we get back to grove they have not fled and Minthara is at the gates#Minthara wants Viivi to sound the horn. Zevlor wants Viivi to sound the horn. Viivi asks Zevlor to please tell this plan in detail.#Zevlor says just blow the horn already. Viivi does that. Minthara thanks Viivi for leaving the gate open as planned#Zevlor does not thank Viivi for that. Viivi is confused as she did not leave the gate open. (for real the damn gate was left open)#So I did a Massacre.#now Karlach is gone Wyll is dead. Lae'zel is also dead#but apparently Minthara is ready to be very loving and sincere with Viivi. The most helpful person she has met in very long time.#Viivi might love her#so that is how she's doing.
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darthmalewife · 1 year
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Clone Wars era trip to a planet where men dawning lavish dresses is the norm so to follow cultural tradition Obi-Wan, Anakin, Rex and Cody all have to get dressed up and go to this big event
Cody looks fucking fabulous and he knows it, there is a slit in the dress showing off those toned legs and Obi-Wan is struggling to remember the point of the mission
Rex is having great fun, if he spins the fabric flows about and it amuses him greatly, also a Prince just told him he has a sweet ass?!
Obi-Wan looks like some kind of God, the fabric shimmers in the light, noone can keep their eyes off him [this is also how they find out he has 3 tattoos] and the dress is backless so several photos of that man's shoulders as he reaches to grab something are now online also Rex has to keep smacking Cody because he's been staring at his general's arms for quite some fucking time now
Anakin keeps getting mistaken for a Princess and he's not amused, not at the dress or the royalty comparisons he just fucking hates the colour "Obi-Wan, why do I have to wear lavender? It doesn't work with my pales tones everyone knows I look better in black!" "Anakin there are currently 3 women eyeing you up, stop complaining"
On an unrelated note Rex has just been offered a small city for someone's hand in marriage, Obi-Wan and Cody have been given one room to share because everyone thinks they're a couple [they will be if Cody keeps looking like that for much longer] and some politician has already sent Padme pictures of Anakin
There' a poll on the Holonet after pictures are released publicly:
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crescentfool · 7 months
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orpheus and thanatos 💚
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sergle · 6 months
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I think I'm going to make a temperature blanket this year
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silusvesuius · 4 days
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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yuridovewing · 5 days
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what i will always, alwaysss hate about the crowfeather discourse is how it got several people, even some people who i thought would know better than to spread such harmful rhetoric, to get up on their soapbox and say with their whole chest "child neglect is not abusive, breezepelt should get the fuck over it"
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yardsards · 1 month
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how to explain to your parents that you can't move back in with them because every time you're near them a big part of you buries itself and you're not sure how long that part can stay buried before its hidey hole becomes its grave?
...without offending them, of course
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likeabxrdinflight · 2 months
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tired of early 20-somethings acting like harry potter was never good or had no value in its day like shut the fuck up half of you weren't even there when it peaked
#sit with the cognitive dissonance like the rest of us or shut up honestly#was it a product of its time yes#was it's author a very basic neoliberal white lady from a country with a long and unchecked imperialist history yes#was the story influenced by said neoliberal worldviews and unexamined biases obviously#does any of that make it a bad story or an unimaginative world no#you can pick apart any fantasy world if you try hard enough#harry potter was a good telling of the hero's journey written in the format of seven mystery novels set against a fantasy backdrop#we can certainly talk about its flaws or how the author's biases leaked onto the page#but stop acting like it was never good and there was never a reason those books resonated with people#it's condescending for one thing and again- if you're younger than like...24-25 you didn't actually experience the heyday of the books#if you're 25 now you'd have been like 8 or 9 when the last book came out and probably weren't reading them yet#you might remember the latter half of the movie era but you have no idea how much it was the BOOKS that drove its popularity#never before and never since has any book series had the fanfare that harry potter did and that didn't happen for no reason#so find a way to make peace with that instead of acting intellectually superior because you grew up with percy jackson instead#this 'well MY generation's preferred childhood book series is morally superior to YOURS so I'm better than you' shit drives me up a wall#like get over yourself honestly#...sorry had to get that off my chest there was this youtube video and it was irritating me
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my greatest achievement in DA2 is maxing out Carver's friendship
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and all it took was begrudgingly kissing a little templar ass in act 1 because Carver didn't want to plan a prison break if my Hawke got his ass arrested for being stupid.
#carver hawke#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#well that and he didn't want leandra gamlen and himself to also get arrested for harboring an apostate but you get me#carver hawke loves his sibling and doesn't want them to get taken away that's why he's such an ass and approves of 'pro-templar' choices#in act 1 he's not pro-templar himself but kissing a little templar ass is how you avoid being arrested#'why yes cullen you are so right the templars are so cool and sexy' my hawke says through gritted teeth for that +5 friendship#look i love him okay he's my favorite and i will go the extra mile to make him happy and it's worth it for how much softer can be later on#honestly maxing out his friendship isn't hard if you're aware of what quests you're bringing him on and make him a grey warden#oh but you do need the legacy dlc otherwise you can't fully max friendship out... you can still get enough to change his dialogue/attitude#also like... we the player know hawke won't be arrested like they're not in any actual dangers from the templars as the playable character#but carver doesn't know that and neither does hawke so the templars *are* a real threat to them#and it's incredibly reckless to purposely piss off templars AND selfish because it's not just hawke that'll be arrested it's their family#for harboring them like we witness templars going after people hiding apostates soooo.....#i'm just saying that carver isn't irrational or just being an ass to personally annoy you okay he has cause#also once carver's a warden and ed has money and the estate THEN he's way more open about telling the templars to piss off#sigh one day i'll sit down and write an essay about carver.... one day
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corvidcas · 1 year
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i think part of the reason people are so hateful about fat people is because theyre not fat, even though they put little to no effort into their diet and daily activity levels. even if they dont live healthy lifestyles and theyre not trying to, and theyre still a "normal" weight. and because theyre ignorant and resistant to learning about how peoples bodily functions vary wildly, anyone who is fat must have brought it upon themselves by being extra lazy or extra glutinous and if they were normal they wouldnt be fat and its soooo easy to not be fat because look at them theyre not fat. which is so fucking stupid because so many people complain about how skinny people exist without "earning" how skinny they are, theyre literally just like that even if they eat tons of food because they're trying desperately not to be skinny. but the opposite cant be true for fat people apparently. fatness is always a direct consequence of abnormal habits apparently.
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theladyspanishes · 2 months
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Apologies but you were at the top of my Tumblr feed and I have been instructed to randomly tell someone online a painful truth.
Here goes.
Closing your posts to comments is an inherently hostile act.
Again; sorry. Nothing personal. We all serve the random number gods in our own fashion.
Mndrew, I recognise your profile pic, I've seen you around, I know you're a chill community member and active participant and stuff, so I want to be clear that this isn't like a dig on you or anything, it's just a response to the thesis statement: "Closing your posts to comments is an inherently hostile act". I don't know how many of you know this, but a while back, while I was still at university, I spent around a year? Maybe 2? dealing with an obsessive online stalker.
They made it very difficult to spend time anywhere online, but they especially weaponised Tumblr (I think they realised it was a less public account of mine where I could seek respite). I would wake up in the morning to find they had sent me hundreds, on one occasion close to a thousand, messages. The messages would range from threats of self harm or against me to seemingly nonsense phrases designed to just remind me that they were still there. The tumblr notification sound still spikes my anxiety.
You can't block someone like that. First of all, they would and do simply make more accounts (I just checked - I still have 30+ accounts of his blocked over here). Secondly, this kind of behaviour leaves you in a trap; If you interact with them, they know they have access. If you block them, they know that you saw their message... so they know they have access.
During this period, I had the good fortune of being able to ask Grace Helbig, of all people, whether she had any advice. She got so furious on my behalf I still tear up a little when I think about it, but *she* told me a painful truth that day: As much as you might like to, as much as most people know how to behave appropriately, you cannot leave yourself open to every line of communication your audience might want.
If you look around at my socials you'll probably start to notice a trend. You can't comment on my instagram posts unless you're a follower. You can't DM me unless I follow you on Twitter. Places where I can't control those settings, I simply do not ever open my inbox. In fact, it was really only a short time ago that I turned tumblr messages back on, after a loooong hard think. In many cases this is something that actively hurts my engagement, but it's a choice I've made to draw a line on where and when and how people can access me.
All of that said, you don't need to be an internet personality with digital stalker trauma to draw your lines. Closing your posts to comments is not inherently hostile, it can be an act of self-care, self-preservation. No one is entitled to be able to access you in every way they want to.
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softerhaze · 11 months
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idk if it was the venus retrograde or what, but july 2023 was quite literally the worst month i've ever experienced in my life like.....every single day? awful? worse than the last? it's more likely than u think
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skunkes · 4 months
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another thing i love about dungeon meshi along with how theres adequate time given to every character that matters! Is that like. Along with no "every single character in supporting cast gets put on the backburner in favor of MC / other character development" is that theres also no "god these characters are all so boring except that one guy who is tragic and compelling" bc they all have the same capacity for compelling tragedy (and such).
And it also doesn't feel like when ppl tack on as much Bad Things onto a characters life just to emphasize tragedy or hardship... Theres a good balance in each of em. The recent leaked izutsumi dark lore implication drop wasn't even in the main story and it doesnt feel like that quirky "i love torturing my ocs! 🤪🤪🤪🤪 (Literally just throwing everything into one pot)" sentiment i see here often if that makes sense. It doesn't feel Edgy ykwim
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thedisablednaturalist · 4 months
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Tw for weight loss mention
The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.
I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.
You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?
Hell no.
I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.
I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.
This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.
I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).
The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!
And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.
I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)
Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.
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