#so hopefully it is not too negative for anyone who's feeling good about where things ended!

[theladyragnell]

Hi! Question for you once you've had a chance to finish S3 of Ted Lasso: I'd love to hear your perspective on how S3 could have unfolded in a more fulfilling way. No pressure, of course, but I enjoy reading your insights. :)

Okay! I am rolling up my sleeves.

EXPRESSING-OPINIONS-ON-THE-INTERNET CAVEAT: I am not a media critic, and not everything in this post will be cohesive, well-thought-out, and non-contradictory. I do not for a moment pretend that my opinions are Correct, they are merely my own.

SECOND CAVEAT: At this point, with where they left arcs, I'm about 80% sure that depending on how the WGA strike goes (crossing my fingers for them) and any corporate retaliation for that, there will be a spinoff or continuation sans Ted. More of their choices make sense if that is true, even if I don't love the thought (let shows end!!!), so this is all changes I would make assuming s3 is the final season.

The thing about this season, for me, is that any given episode or moment was largely really enjoyable for me! Sure, a few quibbles, and the whole Roy and Keeley thing we will get to in a moment, but if I ignored the fact that I was watching a season, most things worked for me. Looking at it as a season, though, it was too busy, in a way that meant the show dropped a lot of things I wanted to see more of.

So, when pondering this question, I think that there's no way to keep everything I love while getting rid of only the things that annoyed me or that didn't feel right to me. And in the end, I'd rather miss things that weren't there than be annoyed with things that are present, so my take on s3 would streamline a lot of things to engage with others.

Oh boy, this is already long, time for a cut.

Change #1: Roy and Keeley do not break up. There was simply no reason for this, and especially no reason for it to happen off-screen. They can still fight and have difficulties, and Roy can deal with his mental health, but it's just unnecessary drama and I never understood it. This also prevents Roy and Jamie's weird last-episode regression to fighting over her and forcing her into shitty positions.

Change #2: Most of Keeley's plotlines change. All of the KJPR plots and characters were interesting, but they also busied the season up too much. So I'd have her actually building up a one-woman business without Jack (or, tragically, Barbara), maybe doing the Shandy thing and grappling with that for longer, or her dealing with the Establishment the way Rebecca does so often, trying to make them see her as a businesswoman and not a footballer's girlfriend.

Change #3: Beard and Jane break up. We get to carry over the threads from s2 from the Beard episode and from Higgins expressing his concern, instead of treating the way Jane treats him as comedy. We also get to counteract this show's everyone-deserves-not-just-forgiveness-for-everything-but-also-to-be-in-your-life-again message with one instance of someone setting out a boundary and sticking to it.

Change #4: Many of Nate's plots change. As with Barbara, I would really regret losing Jade, but I think there are better uses of Nate's screentime--he was set up to be a real main character in s2 and I felt like I hardly saw him in s3. What I really wanted was for Nate to learn how to have power over people responsibly, I think? I'd have chosen either for him to grit his teeth and stay at West Ham (perhaps while joining the conspiracy to overthrow Rupert) or, when he left, for him to somehow end up coaching a kids' team, and learn gentleness in authority that way. It would pick up this show's really genuinely cool theme of "once one person makes a point of stepping out of the cycle of abuse and trauma it can ripple out around them" in interesting ways.

And while there are many other tweaks I'd make (more Sam, his last focus plot was SO goddamn miserable; eliminate everything about the psychic; goodbye to Rebecca's boat stranger), I'm going to finish with the last big one, which is

Change #5: Ted gets to do something besides reinvent total football, pine for his son, and make speeches that should have been edited down to a third of their length tops. He just seems so checked out this whole season, just talking about how none of the work he's done is on him, all focused on Henry in the wrong ways, so that going back to Kansas felt more like a horrible sacrifice than a choice that will bring him fulfillment or contentment. He was always going to go back to Kansas and his son, much as I wasn't wild about that, but it doesn't feel like a new beginning for him, just like he's going back to his old life with a little more knowledge of football and more knowledge of how to model good parenting and relationships for his kid (while not, from the way I interpreted that last expression, dealing any further with his own mental health). It felt weirdly dark for this show.

(Also I know this show loves its book theming, and I know it's The Wizard of Oz (see: a song from The Wiz playing over the credits to the penultimate episode), but have they considered that in subsequent Oz books Dorothy and her family move back to Oz? Things to consider.)

[shanieveh]

“ forget me not... ”

synopsis: neuvillette, too late to confess his love to you, is drowning from the suffering and regret that came along with it, especially after knowing that you felt the same all along.

tags: gn!reader x neuvillette, depression and low self-esteem, bittersweet ending, mentions of freminet, lynette and melusines, heavily implied reader death and neuvillette also kinda wanting to die

a/n: people want this and i have came to deliver (hopefully) enjoy~ this is my first long fic that i published

How can this be….?

Neuvillette sat in the corner of his office, all your letters in his right hand. How can you say you loved him… how dare you describe the love, the passion, everything you felt for him when he can't even say it back.

How can you love someone so unlovable?

His silent cries can't match up to the violent outbursts of the skies outside. Days went by when he first found out, the melusines were scared to death about who would report it to him. The way you dissolved into water, not even seeing you for the last time—not having the privilege to have a proper funeral.

He failed you… the monsieur wasn't too sure on many things but this one was certain.

Reading your diaries, knowing your thoughts and hopes for the future. It was an invasion of privacy but also in a way… the last remnants of your existence. One such entry was that of three years ago where you first met.

Encountering this, a profuse blush colored his face. The adjectives being used "handsome", "tall" and "kind" for your first meetingwith the chief justice. Far from the truth really, although Neuvillette knew you meant every word.

You always did.

You always were an honest person.

The very first day his lavender eyes met yours, to the very last. There was never a trace of impurity or a hint of a liar. Of course, the verdict went in your favor, because to him a precious rose like you can never steal and the plaintiffs were wrong.

Reading it now, not even a slightly negative comment was made to those who wrongly accused you.

"Maybe they had their reasons, after all, I was also in need of money at that time." you wrote. Adding on that you defended the "Monsieur Neuvillette" when people called "such a man of honor and kindness" a "merciless and arrogant man".

A man of honor and kindness? Your words became running thoughts in the hydro dragon's head. That day was one of the only days he didn't cry after a trial. Neuvillette was just happy that such a person of integrity was cleared of their name.

He turned through the pages of the diary, how you taught him to socialize and even mend his relationship with the hydro archon.

"Monsieur Neuvillette was too adorable! Being with a person of lowly status and treating me with such respect and humility, he truly is the epitome of mercy and loveliness."

How can you be so blind? Anyone with eyes will know that it's a privilege to be with someone so beautiful, especially to be with someone like Neuvillette. A cold and repulsive soul. You make him sound like a good person, when in fact he isn't both good and human.

He was a monster… these words of humanity you always used to describe a monster. Why do they sound so genuine? Why do they look so real? Maybe only you can make him like that, you and only you.

A few pages later he finally saw the words…

Words that should've made him scream in euphoria… tore him to a million pieces. Because even before this he already loved you… because you had so much time to confess but never did… and never will.

"I think I'm in love with the chief Justice."

And after that, he couldn't even get himself to read, he couldn't. His eyes got so blurry to see, his heart became too heavy to feel. Why were you… why you? In a world filled with monsters, they chose an angel. They chose a soul that still wanted to live, love and give. Those demons… despicable.

Remembering his shortcomings, maybe in some way he could've avoided all of this. Neuvillette shouldn't have given you his blessing to investigate the serial disappearance case.

But that glint of adventure in your eyes… he was too soft to reject you.

It was all his fault.

Wiping his tears he looked at the last entry of the diary… Oh.

Oh.

"After this investigation, I'll finally confess to him… I surely hope Neuvillette feels the same way, I even planted some forget-me-nots to give him in the backyard so that he'll know when it rains and he weeps. I will always be here."

The chief justice didn't know what was coming to him but he started running… and only then can he see the state of Fontaine. Many flowers have wilted and only a few people were outside. What had he become..?

"What's up with this weather? It isn't even the rainy season yet?!" A shop owner complained.

"I know! My crops have been drowning these days, at this rate if it doesn't stop we'll have a famine!"

It was all his fault, his running turned to a slow walk taking in all that he had done. This was all because of him. The lonely streets, the lowered morale. This was all because—

"Hydro dragon, hydro dragon, please don't cry!"

He turned to the voice and saw a young boy in the distance. Neuvillette remembered now, his name was Freminet. That child on which you doted extremely, giving him sweets and hushing his tears. The chief justice quickly let go of his gaze and continued to walk.

"You see Freminet, it didn't work... let's go inside."

The response was that of a stoic young woman, but he just continued his legs even if they wanted to rest all to see the last thing you cared for… those flowers. And when he finally was at the destination he saw it immediately outside.

It was in the bushes, he couldn't miss it. Every corner of your house was haunted, every tiny thing was a memory. The chairs you painted, the drawings pinned in the cabinet of you and him with the melusines. It was precious. All of it. Just as you are.

He finally saw them, most were almost to bloom and some were wilted. Picking one he unconsciously kissed it, perhaps mistaking it for you. These flowers were made to remind him he was never alone, but now he is.

More alone than he can ever be in one lifetime. Your scent still filled every corner, a remembrance of the biggest "what if" in his life. Your will stated that every single thing of yours is his just as you were always his. Bittersweet was he when reading it.

Neuvillete forgot that too included your house, maybe he was too consumed with your thoughts to visit this place. He was twisting the poor flower that looked so tiny compared to his hand. Perhaps that's what it's like to be with him. It's a curse…

He continues to caress the flowers, to treat them as if they were you. You were wrong on one thing about this, even if there were no flowers he will never forget you. Never, no way! The love he has for you can destroy nations and can cause millions of sacrifices. Just to keep you, to see your smile again.

But he can't even do that, you didn't give him the privilege to do something for you. If only he knew, he would've… done everything for you. The love that can create the strongest of floods failed to protect the one person he was supposed to protect.

At that moment, he felt the waters, the ocean, his home… you. It made his crying bearable, somewhat. Grief that could surpass a lifetime, wasn't enough. Nothing he can do will ever be enough to have you again. Perhaps he should also leave this world to stop being a burden to the people… and maybe to see you again.

"Neuvillette…"

Now he was even imagining your voice, or was he? Maybe he was delusional but he still followed your voice even if it took him to an unknown path. But the end was in a small pond, where you used to keep the fish, all of which were alive and well.

"Neuvillette…?"

At this he didn't even care if was going insane, your voice sounded like a melody even if it uttered his name. It sounded like a rare jewel, a myth, a prophecy too good to be true.

"Darling?" He replied in a hopeful tone. He looked through his surroundings, no longer was he in a pond but a terrain of boundless water. In the middle was a flying Oceanid, a spirit. Was it—could it be?

"Even I could feel the heavy pouring of rain, monsieur… don't be sad."

It was indeed your spirit, a part of you that remained before that bastard—he'll make whoever did this pay. It wasn't for justice anymore, this one is for revenge.

"How can I not? When I have failed you over and over again, I couldn't even get to say…"

"That you love me?"

His eyes widened, looking at you. Even if it didn't look like you, he knew�� he always did. A nod soon followed after that, it was barely noticeable even at this rate the chief justice was a bit shy saying it.

"I just don't know why you could ever say you love me, how you could even think of me so kindly. Why? How? How can you love me back?" He was clueless to what you mean.

"How can I not?"

The reply you uttered was one of a teary-eyed person. Even to this moment you still haven't accepted you had died, not when he was still alone needing you.

"Just as you said… how can I not? You out of all people my dear… know of the sacrifices we make for the person we love."

It was that moment where you took your normal form, you looked beautiful as the day he lost you. As beautiful as the day you met. And as you walked towards him, the clock ticking until your final goodbye, it was time.

"I love you Neuvillette, i always had and continue to do so." For the last time, you cupped his cheek and kissed him.

"I love you, darling from the very beginning and every single lifetime to come." He let go of the kiss and hugged you tight, closing his eyes, until you disappeared not knowing he was hugging his own.

Opening his eyes, the rain was long gone, and what remained were the flowers in the bushes, the ponds, the fish, and him. Maybe… just maybe he will bring you and the other victims to light.

Until then, this one last encounter and goodbye will make him content. He was sure… that finally his love will be at rest.

[thetriplets3]

can u do prompt 17(i think) from the needing comfort list — ‘you bought me chocolate/flowers’ — with matt plz !! its okay if not ! have a great dayy 🩵

haven't written in a while so hopefully this is good thank you for your request. send some more in

key to my heart

One thing I’ve always loved about Matt is how he will go lengths to make sure feel better and brighten up your darkest days.

Matt’s been by my side for a few years now, he’s the first person I want to tell anything to, a shoulder to cry on, and a comforting presence. When life gets hectic and things gets flipped over Matt is always the one to come and turn your world back around. I never know where I stand with Matt. He does things a boyfriend would do but we’ve never discussed our feeling with each other.

This week was exhausting to say the least. I’ve become the therapist amongst my friends, it’s a blessing and a curse to feel things so deeply. I give my undivided attention to anyone who needs an ear to listen to their problems and give my best advice but at the same time I absorb all their negative energy and I carry their problems. They pass the weight holding them down onto me, quickly slowing me down. That’s the downside to being the one who listens because no one thinks to listen to the listener. They don’t think how heavy it is for one person to hold all that.

I can’t take it anymore, I only have so much room to carry things and it’s filling up quickly. My space is full of others problems and there’s no room for my own thoughts or feeling. So that’s where I am now, curled up under the covers in the dark trying to feel something, anything but everyone’s problems. Turning my phone on do not disturb I see a few messages from Chris covering the ones from Matt.

chris 🍊

please answer us

helloooo??

i know you hate notifications so i know for a fact you’ve seen this

don’t ignore

at least message matt pls he’s worried

love you kid we’re here whatever it is

matt 🥤

y/n

what’s wrong why aren’t you answering any of us?

are you okay? i need to know you’re okay i’m worried

no one has heard or seen you in a few days

i know somethings up this isn’t like you

let me in let me help you

Flipping my phone face down so I don’t have to look at it, I let out a shaky breathe. The silence becomes too much all the stories and problems are all coming forth, shouting and talking over each other. Not knowing how to make it stop I let out a desperate sob wanting nothing more than for someone to listen to me like I do for them. Both mentally and physically exhausted I drifted off into a much needed nap.

My eyes squint open looking at my clock. Only a 40 minute nap. The dryness in my mouth makes me get up to go grab a drink from the kitchen, but not before wrapping a blanket around me.

Slowly and heavy lidded I trudge down the stairs, halting when my eyes meet the island. Flowers. No one’s ever given me flowers before. The thought of how they got in here escapes you, being drawn towards the yellow flowers, my favorite color. Attached to the bouquet is a little note in chicken scratch I could recognize anywhere.

My heart flutters as a pout replaces the empty look on my face. “My favorite” I gasp. A happy sigh leave my lips as I bring the bouquet to my nose to give them a sniff.

“I knew you’d love them” you voice full of love and softness.

“Matt! Holy shit you can’t do that to me” I pant with a hand over my chest.

“Sorry” you say sheepishly.

“You bought me flowers?” I ask softly.

“You told me tulips were your favorite and I thought yellow ones would make you even happier”

“That was 2 years ago I didn’t think you’d remember. I don’t think anyone would remember that” I scoff.

“When you care, you remember. If it’s important to you it’s worth remembering” You say. “You’re worth it”

Placing the flowers on the table I walk towards you. Sensing an impending hug you open your arms and pull me into your chest.

“I know you’re always there for everyone else to let their guard down but you need someone to be there for you. Stop putting up walls let me be that person. Let me in okay I love you and you don't have to feel alone” you say as your one hand rubs circles on my back and the other cradling my head to your chest, immediately bringing me comfort I didn't know I was missing.

“I know. I'll let you in might take a while. I love you Matty" I whisper into your neck.

"We'll work on it I'm here for you"

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Just so y'all know, I'm pouring some of my soul out in this post. It gets emotional-please mind the gaslighting tw <3 There's no pressure to read this, I just feel this needs to be said and hopefully will help someone out there.

In case this helps someone, the reason I say "Telling witchlings/baby witches that negative entities will pretend to be deities, or that they can't trust their deities is damaging" is because it damaged my craft directly. Not only as a witchling, but even now.

When I first started it was because I hid that I was working with Persephone from everyone except close friends, because I was scared I would be judged. Persephone came to me, and I had no reason to ignore the call. There was no questioning whether it was truly a goddess that had stepped into my head when I woke up from the fever dream (affectionate) that she sent me with the name "Persephone" blaring in my head.

Even now, Loki spent a solid chunk last night, late as hell, sitting with me while I spiraled. And it was a bad spiral, at least by my standards. I'm really good at gaslighting myself, not-so-fun fact, and I saw something talking about people convincing themselves that deities were around when really it was just their own imagination. I understand that that post might be helpful to some, so if anyone knows what post I'm talking about PLEASE do not attack them. And if you happen to have posted that, PLEASE do not continue reading this post and please don't feel bad. I don't remember if it was in my following or for you or your tags- but that's not the point.

The point is, of course my brain decided that today was the day to fuck me up! Yayyyyy. /s I had already been, due to some recent information I got about where my deity work will be going (that's a separate post) questioning the validity of my craft. Who the HELL am I to do that sort of work? Why me? I'm just some dude. I'm not even "just some dude" I'm some dude who actively struggles to do just about anything in life. Y'all I was having A TimeTM and seeing that post was the final straw.

So I sat there, cards in hand, completely unable to get any direct communication from Loki because my head was too loud and I was questioning whether or not they were even real at all. And I've gone from "trickster energy = asshole who laughs at others" to trusting Loki with all I have so quickly, because they sat with me. I could feel them even if I couldn't "hear" them. Card after card telling me I'm supported, I'm on the right path, what I've been told I'm meant to do is my path and not some "'chosen one' bullshit" as I remember wording it. Nothing but love and support. I pulled The Fool twice, which just felt like a nudge of "Hey, I really am here." (For those of you who may not know, The Fool is associated with Loki!)

This is.... a vulnerable thing to put in a tumblr post, but I leave it here anyway. I did get one thing from him, as I was going to bed. I thanked them for staying, even when I was too stressed and overwhelmed to hear them. And somewhere in the back of my mind, very firmly, I get; "I will ALWAYS be here." Long pause at the implication, because I know that deities often come and go just like people. "Always?" "Mhm." cue the clear image of them grinning.

So, apparently, Loki is here to stay with me for good. I'm so grateful to have them in my life.

But this is what I mean when I say it's bad to scare the witchlings. That post scared me, outright triggered me, and I've been around witchcraft my whole life and actively practicing for four years. Please stop telling people they're "just imagining" their deities.

[meraki-yao]

The taylor zakhar perez hashtag just full of praise for Nicholas acting and twitter full of anonymous messages asking for his recast because he's not as good as Nick. That shit hurts and I can't even enjoy the new content I'm tired of the hate that man has been getting for a year and a half (it's not about Nicholas I love him so much)

First and foremost this is awful and Taylor doesn't deserve any of this unfair critism that are frankly insults, it's fucking sick

I will say this about the acting (and I'm typing this while listening to the podcast where Matthew talks about how well suited the boys are for the roles)

Both of them nailed their roles. But because of how the roles are written, certain things show easily than others.

Henry is more emotional sensitive and "broken", and because that's kind of an unhealthy mentality which isn't the normal state of human being, it's easier to pick up, which is why even with a surface glance audience can pick up on Nick's intensity and level of performing. For example, Henry spiraling on the lake. It's a crescendo of negative emotions, and you can see it go from opposite of the previous emotion (happy and content) to increasing panic and heartache.

Alex is the healthier one, in the movie he doesn't have much baggage as Henry does, but he does have baggage. At first Alex might seem like a sunshine puppy or something but if you paid attention to the details which Taylor does, you can read so much more. His fingers fidgeting whenever he's nervous like when Henry's taking off his clothes or Zahra barging in looking out. Like him clenching his jaw and watching every second of Henry's face when he goes in. Like how you can feel the aggressiveness in him die down as Henry shouts his thoughts during the Kensington confrontation. Like how fucking in love he looks all conveyed in his eyes.

So TL DR and this is my understanding of the performance: the tricky part for Nick is not to go overboard so that it's too dramatic to the point of being unrealistic, while the tricky part for Taylor is too not under perform it that Alex becomes one dimensional. AND BOTH BOYS NAIL IT PERFECTLY.

But for people who watch it passively, or watch it with negative assessment already in mind, it's easier to miss Taylor's details than Nick's details.

I WANNA MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT I DON'T AGREE WITH THE SHIT TAYLOR'S GETTING I DON'T AGREE WITH ANY OF THIS AND TAYLOR JUST IS ALEX TO ME

But this is a speculation from the acting perspective as to part of the reason why Taylor's getting so much shit

Also Twitter people are just another fucking type of crowd who mostly should use their life to do something better (I'm not on Twitter and never will be) and I'm convinced that there's still racism involved in these commentary even if it's internalized or latent

Anyone who says Taylor should be recast or is not as good as Nick either didn't actually pay attention to the movie or don't understand Alex. Taylor read the book 8 times. Matthew and Nick, the two most important people in regards to his performance, have nothing but praise for him.

Taylor is Alex, just as Nick is Henry.

Hopefully after a while these stupid "opinions" die down and only intelligent/genuine/constructive comments will be left and things will get better. And I truly hope Taylor can see more support than insults. He doesn't deserve any of this.

I'm sorry that this has affect you, and I understand it. Honestly this is why I don't directly look at tags, especially the actors' tag, block whoever I don't wanna see or deal with, and don't go on Twitter.

Just from my experience on dealing with shit like this, I would say give yourself some distance from RWRB and social media for a bit, even if it's a day or two, and come back when it hurts less. Take a bit of a break. And avoid places you know you will see shit like this as much as you can.

Both of the boys did amazing, and imo perfectly in the movie and in these roles, and they deserve all the love and support. Both of them.

[weezly14]

so i'm not going to respond to any individual asks - this is the blanket response to all the asks i've gotten in the past few weeks asking me when i'm going to update my WIPs, if i've abandoned them, etc. i appreciate the love, i do. i miss dust to dust, and something good and right and real, and i wanna be your boyfriend, too.

i might regret being this honest later, but fuck it, it's my blog and not enough people talk about this shit.

i'm struggling with infertility. emphasis on the struggle. i'm weepy from fertility meds, in the midst of my first treatment cycle, half hope and half fear. we're "unexplained infertility," so there's no reason why it shouldn't work, except it hasn't so far, so hope feels like a dangerous thing.

for anyone who hasn't experienced this, it's a complete and total mindfuck. i don't feel like the same person i was a year ago, before all those negative pregnancy tests. i thought i'd have a baby by now, or at least be pregnant. instead, i have a shitty not even diagnosis, and Options that are both a blessing but also invasive, and expensive, and in no way a guarantee. every month i calculate when the due date would be; think about the events we have planned for next year in terms of where i could be in a pregnancy; and every month, my period arrives right on schedule, if not a day early. i have yet to see a positive pregnancy test. it's "only" been a year, and i'm "so young," but it feels like it's been ages and like i'm running out of time.

we've been forced to have conversations about money, about how far we want to go with treatment, about when we might call it. "it's too early to think about that," you might say, but one cycle of ivf could cost $16k. we have good insurance, but are we willing to undergo more than one egg retrieval? how many failed transfers before we decide the emotional toll is too high? it's better to have those conversations now, before we have to, when we can maybe make clearer decisions. would we consider donor eggs or sperm? surrogacy? what about adoption?

meanwhile, i'm watching friends and acquaintances get pregnant with no problem, as i try not to completely isolate myself and try to track ovulation, as though timing might be the problem.

(it's not.)

i'm not the person i was before all of this, and it sucks. i'm a sadder, smaller person, i think. i'm trying my best. i'm "practicing hope" or some shit, i'm doing my best to keep my head up and stop isolating, stop avoiding my pregnant best friend, stop wallowing in the grief. because it is grief. if i get pregnant, it will be because of fertility meds and doctors, it will happen in a sterile exam room, hopefully with my husband holding my hand, if he can get the time off work. there will be no spontaneous pregnancy, no surprise. there's grief in that, in letting go of what i thought this might be like, how i thought it might go.

so yes, writing fic has fallen by the wayside. not because i want it to. i just have a hard time finding the energy to do even fun things. i miss the person who could write a lot in short spans of time, who had the energy for fic. i'd like to believe i can still be that person again. i don't consider any of those fics abandoned. i've written, i've worked on things.

but, right now, it feels like my entire life, my entire being, is consumed with this struggle to get pregnant. like my life is measured by where i am in my cycle. i look at my calendar and think, that's when i'll get my period or a positive test, so i should be mindful in what i plan. i might be very happy, or i might have a very bad day.

sometimes, the bad days feel eternal.

but i'm doing what i can. i'm trying, anyway. my therapist said i should practice hope, and i'm trying to. i'm trying to let myself believe things might work out. even though the fucking meds have made me weepy as hell, i'm trying to stay positive, and envision that this cycle could work. that on christmas day, instead of my period, i'll get a positive pregnancy test.

(because going home for christmas isn't loaded enough.)

there's an old wives tale that if you wrap a baby blanket and put it under the tree, you'll have a baby by next christmas. i'm jewish, but we're an interfaith household, so we bought a baby blanket, and we're going to wrap it in hanukkah paper, and put it under the tree. we have a hope basket in the nursery - because when we moved into this house we set aside a bedroom to be the nursery, and it's empty except for that little basket of baby things we've collected over the months, in the hopes that one day we'll have a baby to dress in the little onesies or socks. we have a running list of names. this is our version of practicing hope.

this is only our first treatment cycle. things could work. or maybe the next cycle. and then, there's always ivf. some days, i feel like it'll work for us, and we will have a baby, one way or another. other days, i wonder if i shouldn't just spare myself the pain and call it now. it's exhausting, infertility.

so, to everyone who misses my writing, and wonders when i'll update again - i don't know. i miss my writing, too. i miss being the person who wasn't so consumed by fertility shit, who could indulge in hobbies. i'd like to believe i can get back to that. but not this week.

the holidays are joyous but they're also really fucking hard, so let me be your friendly reminder not to ask people when they're having kids, or why they aren't pregnant yet, and to not tell people struggling with infertility to "just adopt" or "just relax."

happy holidays.

[smoshsfavoritepizzaplace]

You asked about first Shourtney shipping moments. This is gonna be a long answer but hopefully it's an interesting read.

I started my Smosh journey with Games videos from 2022-2023 and immediately sensed that Shayne and Courtney have an interesting bond. Initially, I thought that Shayne was secretly crushing on Courtney (but tried to keep things professional) whereas Courtney was acting flirty with everyone. I also noted that they would be cute together but didn't think too much of it.

It was actually the comment sections that made me more interested in their dynamic since fans had so many different views of them. Many commented on their "sibling energy" or admired their friendship but some were convinced that they were not in good terms anymore. And obv there were a lot of shipping comments as well but those were often ridiculed or viewed negatively. As a new fan, I felt confused 'cause I've never encountered so many contradicting descriptions of an onscreen duo. I also found it weird how some fans were trying to deny any romantic tension between them when it seemed pretty clear to me that they were not acting 100 % platonic with each other.

So I'd say that I became interested in their dynamic almost right away but it was Shayne Interviews His Exes (nro 1) where I became much more sceptical that they would be just friends. Shayne seemed weirdly shy when Courtney walked in, and Courtney had a very loving gaze when they played the "shouting" audio and Shayne was cry laughing. It just didn't seem like normal friend behavior to me.

Also, Courtney basically buried Shayne's head in her boobs which like... idk. At that point it seemed like something other Smosh members wouldn't do to each other. (My views have changed a bit once I started to know Amanda and Chance better...)

A long-winded answer but I don't know how to explain this more shortly! It was more of a process than an immediate thought to me.

Don’t worry about sending long asks in, I enjoy reading all of them and this one especially. Aside from 2019, I think 2022-23 had some of the most interesting yet very telling shourtney moments imo. Shippers have gotten a lot of flak/criticism in the past and some even now, there were so many people who really believed we ruined Courtney and Shayne’s friendship. Meanwhile, they were dating/engaged most of the time that was being said. I’ve also seen a bit of people say that since Courtney was considering leaving smosh at one point, her and Shayne started letting loose more in videos and presumably when she finally decided to stay, they cut back a bit. I guess they thought that bc if Courtney actually left, they wouldn’t have to deal with the pressures of being public while still being in videos together.

You also said that you started noticing a shift in the Shayne’s exes, don’t forget Keith switched his wig around and mentioned that Shayne liked blondes better. When I first watched that video, my mind couldn’t not think of Courtney, especially because her character was in the next clip I think. I feel like you’re the first person I’ve seen actually say that was the video that made you a shipper. I don’t think I have seen anyone say/write that before.

But yeah, all the people that said Shayne and Courtney have sibling energy, I wonder where they are now. This may be a controversial take but a part of me feels like calling two friends sibling like is a little weirder than shipping. Of course it depends on the duo and what they’re comfortable w/ but I think Courtney has said she feels weirded out by that and not shipping (as long as it’s boundary respecting).

[bellaxgiornata]

Hi...do you have any suggestions for a beginner fanfic writer?? Maybe some tips?? Love your work btw....i absolutely love your falling for the devil series

Ahhh, thank you so much!! 💖I'm glad you enjoy FFTD!! That series also tends to be my favorite of everything I've written, too. There's just something about FFTD Matty...

I could certainly give you some tips/suggestions that I've learned along the way! I've been writing and reading fanfic since 2005 so I've been around for a bit 😅 Though if there is something more specific that I didn't address--like something more specific with writing or editing or something--you (or anyone else who's curious) can certainly always send me an ask and I will always answer when I have a few minutes! But I'm not going to claim I'm remotely an expert on all of this, either. This is just from my experience and talking with other fic writers.

As always, the answer is below the cut!

First, I think it's always important to keep in mind that the more you write, the better your skill will grow with writing. Which goes for everyone, no matter how long you've been writing for or whatever your age is. I always see an improvement in my writing when I read something from even just a few months ago. And I even cringe at things like the very first Matt fic I wrote or even some early FFTD installments. So don't be too hard on yourself!

I think it's also important to remember to not compare yourself to others. We all have different styles and voices and that's a wonderful thing in writing. If everyone wrote the same or had the same ideas, there'd be nothing interesting to read. Everything would sound the same which would be boring. Personally, I didn't find my writing style/voice and grow comfortable with it until almost a year and a half ago when I started writing for the Daredevil fandom, so it's completely okay if you are still searching for yours.

Don't let any negative comments you might ever receive writing fanfic drag you down. Everyone gets them, and some fandoms have different dynamics than others where it may happen more often than in another one (though come on y'all, can we please practice the don't like don't read rule??). I think anyone who writes fanfic long enough will receive at least some hate. I've certainly gotten plenty over the years, and yes, it sucks and it can hurt or piss you off, but you have to remember to brush it off. There are likely many others enjoying your story to make up for that one person who's being rude. Block buttons can be your friend if you need them.

If you're having trouble writing a character that already exists in the fandom, studying them in the source material is always a good route. The amount of times I've gone and re-watched Daredevil, Punisher, or Kin in order to feel like I capture any of the characters in there just right is absurd, but it really does help to see their mannerisms, speech patterns, and to begin to get a feel of how they'd react in different situations based on how they've reacted in the show.

Lastly, when you write chapters for your fics and it begins to feel daunting, know that you can always break things down into more manageable chunks. I used to struggle to write much at a time until I learned to focus on the story in this way as opposed to focusing on everything that I still needed to make happen. Just focus scene by scene or even line by line. How to get Character A to do this or get to that point, for example, and it should hopefully seem significantly less terrifying. If you try to think of everything that needs to happen in a chapter all at once, it might begin to feel overwhelming and you may have the urge to give up. Try breaking things down and focusing on one thing at a time.

I could absolutely go on but I don't want to ramble! If there's something more specific you're curious about that I didn't touch on, or maybe you'd like more detail about, absolutely feel free to send me another ask! And this goes for anyone who made it through all of this! I always love chatting, sometimes it just takes me a moment to have time to sit down and answer. Hopefully any of this was useful/helpful though! I am always happy to help encourage others to write!!💕

[daengtokki]

Your story is like the first one I’ve been so deeply captivated by when it comes to serial killer shit, like I can’t explain it. Sure I’ve read yandares and silly ghost face skz story’s, but this one made me feel…disgusted? Like I’ve never had a fictional story about skz make me feel so grossed out. I don’t want you to take it as a negative thing, and if you do i apologize 🩷

I’ve read sooooo many fics through three years and I was a little bit skeptical when I first read the “serial killer! Seungmin” but I’m glad I kept reading cause I’m so excited for the next part.

What I meant by the “it grossed me out” part, is the scene where he killed the man? I don’t know why but I dead ass almost threw up, might be cause I’m sick and the only thing I’ve been consuming are medications. But holy fuck dude, I had to step away😭

Also!! I got so, frustrated? And confused? When she DIDNT LEAVE THE COUNTRY!? A MAN JUST KILLED YOU FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES AND YOURE OVER HERE KISSING HIS LIPS AND WHAT NOT.

But I think that’s what makes a story good! The minute a fic I’m reading is making me feel some kind of emotions, better bet I’m reading until the fkn end.

Anyway, pardon my rant, and again I really hope you don’t take it as offensive, but if you do I’d totally get it tbh.

Stay safe and healthy! Lots of love🩷🌺

Sorry I took so long responding, but I really had to gather my thoughts for this one. Apologies for it being so long and for me basically taking an opportunity to unload.

All of the "negative" parts popped out because I was so tired and out of it. And I was like “oh no please don’t hate please don’t hate the story” 😭 ㅋㅋ ㅋ I'm out of it today, too, so hopefully I type this up properly.

But I don’t take your comments negatively! My job as a writer is to make you feel all of the emotions my characters are dealing with.

So thank you for taking the time to write all of this out! Seriously. I'm a little floored anyone (this goes for everyone who has sent a message or left a long comment about the fic) has been reading thoughtfully enough to catch everything l've been putting into the story. We’ll be getting more into readers fucked up head very soon, since you mentioned that!

I’m glad these not so pretty parts have gotten a reaction out of you, because I’ll take that as me writing the scenes well! That’s very important to me as a writer, and as someone who has always taken writing seriously. I love writing simple fanfic that you guys can lose yourself in, because that’s why I picked up ff again after stopping for many years. And because of Seungmin, ofc. But this is also why I was very nervous about posting DEITY even though I’ve been wanting to do serial killer!Seungmin for months now. I knew it couldn’t be simple, but I had no idea it would already be this long halfway through (almost 50k words). After writing the intro and getting into the first part, I decided to just write an entire novel. I already had the plot in my head.

I don’t see many stories like this on tumblr, but I also don’t read much (I’m not exaggerating when I say all of my free time is spent writing) so putting something darker out there that wasn’t just oneshot smut was a little scary. I’m aware that’s what get most of the attention on here (short stuff, ott smut, ~imagines, etc) and why even though I have readers like you, I don’t have much in the way of likes and reblogs. It does get discouraging, but I’m pushed forward when I think about all of you reading each part.

So ANYWAY. Sorry this got so long. Thank you so much for your reblogs and your comments on those reblogs. It’s so important to me and the other writers on tumblr.

And thank you Seungmin for being my muse. I wouldn’t be writing every day again without you making me so delusional.

Again, sorry if this is too much and none of it makes sense. I took too much of one of my meds today and I’m very dizzy and lethargic from it.

[haechannabelle]

hiii today is bad my hair is messy but we out here i guess. lots of very negative venting under the cut yayyy (it’s okay tho venting made me feel better)

i’m just frustrated because my stupid job where i have to stand on concrete floors for 7 hours a day has ruined my knees, i have the knees of like a fucking 60 year old and i’m not even 30, like i can’t exercise and i keep gaining weight from my medication and idk what to do about it

and i made an appointment to hopefully get a doctor’s note so i can sit at work but because i’m on medicaid my doctor was like yeah earliest i have is in three months and even then he’ll have to refer me to a specialist to get anything done about it

and my arm has also been bothering me since we moved in august, it’ll go away but then it comes back worse. so of course i’m worried about that too

and NOW my foot is all fucked up on TOP of that stuff and because they’re doing stupid construction on all the public transit i’m walking like an extra 3 miles some days which obviously isn’t helping anything…and i had to leave work today because i couldn’t stop crying because i feel like my body is failing me and i can’t afford to take time off of work and also fuck the healthcare “system” in this country, i just had to pay a $750 bill for dental work so who KNOWS how much it’ll cost if i need treatment for my knees OR arm OR foot OR all three of them

anyways i’m sad and in pain and im freaking out about how i’m gonna get it all fixed or IF i’m gonna get things fixed and how much i’ll have to pay if i do…. it’s just not a good situation and it’s only been building as i tried to ignore the problems and hope they would go away, so now i’m directing anger at myself for not taking care of myself

but whatever my partner will be home soon and he’s gonna drive me to the doctor tomorrow and i know he’ll have comforting things to say. i know it’ll all be okay i’m just upset and what is tumblr for if not long sad personal posts and also selfies riiiiight ???

in other news tomorrow is 4/20 and i WILL be ceremoniously ending my 3 week T-break and i cannot fucking wait. i read four (4!!!) books in that time which is 4x as many books as i had read in the previous 5 years so,, i’m doing good in other ways !!!

everything is gonna be okay, it’s just hard right now. shoutout to anyone who read this far i am virtually giving you a fresh baked cookie 🍪

[vacantgodling]

oof okay. i didn’t think i would have to make a post talking about it but this may be my general blanket statement about it and hopefully i don’t need to make a hard and fast rule about this topic (for myself).

generally speaking, idgaf if minors follow me. i used to yeah—and i used to try and censor my blog and shit i posted because i knew i had, essentially, kids following me (why they were, no fucking idea but that’s the main reason i deleted my old blog and made this new one here because i was getting so stressed out about it) and i just didn’t want to be held responsible for “exposing them to shit” or something like that.

however. like. it’s my space, it’s my area, and i was (before) making myself miserable worrying about fucking children so i decided that i’m just not gonna do that anymore. and generally speaking, since making this blog i haven’t. when i was a teen, i followed and interacted with adults on the internet and i was fine. and i know i have some followers/mutuals/friends that i’ve known since they were younger and i didn’t feel weird about talking to them or anything. it’s good for kids to have outside adults to talk to etc etc but that’s not why i’m making this post.

basically, i’m making this post to say: if you are going to be a teenager/young adult (like 16-19) and you decide to follow me i need you to understand that i’m an adult, i talk about adult things (not just sex btw i mean just like. i’m for the exploration of dark topics in media and it will show up in my work occasionally) and that is your responsibility to navigate.

basically what i’m saying is, and bless this person’s heart. i just had a young teen/adult gimme a follow. and usually when people follow me, i do a quick scroll check to see what they post, if i want to follow back, etc etc. but the first post i saw on their blog was them rbing a very… shall we say young and on the internet opinion against a nuanced post that i personally rbed on my side blog myself without the take that this person rbed on it. just as a tldr the original post said basically “dark topics in media should exist and can be a tool to help people know what it looks like and identify it in real life so they can be able to navigate and stop this shit from happening irl.” like. a basic sentence and take (to me). this is obviously not saying you Have to go seek out media that makes you uncomfortable to read it if you don’t want to, but i’ve seen the notes on that post and i’ve seen and heard people talk about how having access to media that discussed their situation helped them themselves either come to grips with it, or to identify that it was happening or happened to them. it’s a nuanced take, and it’s one that i (personally) agree with.

yet the comment they rbed is the usual argument you see from someone who is not able to think about a situation broadly. the standard “oh well i’ve experienced csa before so i don’t need to see what it looks like” which again, tapping the sign, this is not for you then, and you don’t have to read books that explore those topics if you don’t want to. but the fact of the matter is: you aren’t going to know what everything looks like that is the breadth of the human experience—positive, or negative. shutting yourself off from potentially experiencing it via reading (a safe place) isn’t going to help you help anyone or have a complete understanding or opinion about it aside from this knee jerk reaction which is the antithesis of the post. and when all you (the person i’ve blocked btw. idk if it’s hard or soft and i don’t care really) have to add to this conversation via tags is “oh op probably made this post to justify jerking it to mha porn” then i need you to understand you are too young to be following me.

i trust people to make their own decisions. but i don’t really understand when people follow me and then have opinions like this. (hell there’s a lot of people who follow me where i don’t understand Why because it doesn’t seem like what i write would be in their wheelhouse but i can’t and won’t police people from reading my shit if they want to) however when i see stuff like this especially coming from a youngin’ i just don’t want to deal with that. because i know one day i will probably post or talk about something nuanced and i don’t want to invite a potential “callout” or “cancel culture” or freak out in my notes or argument in my inbox i’m just not doing it.

so at this time i’m not making a rule that i don’t want minors/youngins following me, again, i don’t care, but if you are going to like please please please actually understand when you don’t need to be following an adult with opinions that make you uncomfortable for your own sake.

[drifloonz]

Hihihihi, If you’re okay with me requesting something, can you maybe write Steven and/or Mike (separate if you write them both plz :DD) with a Reader that somehow managed to become a Champion with only like.. A Blastoise and a Charizard on their team where they got from god knows where? If it’s possible, can it be written after Miki’s death yet before Mike’s death? For some reason I find it funny to imagine a random trainer with only two starters on their team absolutely wrecking everybodys shit,,

can do! i was originally gunna assume u meant write as in like write an actual short story but then i realized u said to make them separate so. HOPEFULLY you did mean a sort of bulleted headcanon shortform post more than an Actual Piece of writing. which honestly if so good im not that good at writing short stories quickly or efficiently. hopefully these r good bc i didnt know much of what to write.

these are platonic which i hope is okay. anyways, this feels lackluster but i hope it suffices </3

anyways, steven and mike with a champion who only has blastoise/charizard!

READER

( this is just stuff and headcanons for the reader that add additional context or backstory bc i wanted to also think abt them as a character a bit, but whether you accept these or not is up 2 u lol )

• you probably got both a charmander and a squirtle from professor oak because somehow he gained more starter pokemon this year than he needed, and they were too rowdy to handle. therefore, you got two, since somebody already took the bulbasaur of the new batch of starter mons. who? idfk. maybe your rival if you have one.

• your two starters are at odds at eachother a lot, but in the end they do get along, they just tend to bicker. sort of like siblings ( lol ). playfully competitive with eachother.

• both of your starters are fucking powerhouses and nobody knows why - they probably evolved early and are naturally stronger than other starters - either that or you're just a particularly skilled trainer. this isn't undocumented, after all there did used to be a charizard who was a powerhouse. But you know. Used To.

• if you're the champion of kanto, which i'd assume that's the case, you either fought mike, lance ( bc tbh mike after the incident would've probably also willingly refused to become champion again after steven retired from the role after the incident ), or someone entirely unrelated ( like your rival if you have one ). your choice tbh.

• this is something i just considered After finishing this but if you also grew up in pallet town you probably actually knew steven and mike and were even friends with them which isnt written in any of these but thats a spin on it you can think abt if you want to. imagine if you were and you named your respective starters after both of them that'd be so awkward

STEVEN

🔥 dude this mans depressed as hell rn and i think when he hears or sees you with the starter he chose and with the starter his brother who he couldn't stand to think about right now chose... he just goes "The audacity of this bitch." in his head.

🔥 ok not really he's not that rude but it does remind him of himself and mike... both in positive and negative ways. you remind him of himself before the incident, which makes him sort of long for that kind of thing back. but hey, if you become the champion, it means the league would probably get off his back and hopefully forget about him. which is good. ( if you're even the champion of kanto. )

🔥 he didn't really know anyone else who had a charizard other than him, so seeing your own charizard made him remember miki. which of course, made him even more sad at the thought. he's really just processing several things and your presence complicates it for him a little... has complex feelings about you despite not really talking to you. if you did happen to be the champion of kanto, you'd've fought mike or someone entirely different, not steven, since he released all of his pokemon - and even if he didn't, he would never want to stay the champion without miki... so he didn't really know you, probably - but you may've seen him during one of his regular Depression Roams around the region, or even bumped into him, since he didn't really have any spacial awareness when he takes aimless walks around kanto like that. he'd just mumble an apology and move on, probably. if you were one of those trainers who often had your pokemon follow you, he'd probably just wordlessly stare at both of your starters, especially your charizard, and then excuse himself and walk off a little faster.

🔥 he finds you beating the elite four and the gym challenge with only two pokemon impressive but he also essentially did the same thing*. he still finds it impressive its just... you did things similarly to him. you reminded him of too many aspects of his life and it felt weird.

*its technically implied that steven had more than miki on his team in the pokepasta but i like to think it was mostly for hms, possibly pokedex stuff, and progression, so he basically solo'd kanto w miki

🔥 although if you become good friends with steven, somehow, he will become very friendly with you and your two pokemon. obviously, your charizard would never replace miki... but having one to pet and play with did help out with his depression a little bit. he thinks miki would've liked your pokemon if she were still here. the two's sort of playful rivalry between eachother also reminded him of himself and mike, and furthermore miki and... whatever the hell mike named his blastoise.

🔥 honestly you being there if you did befriend steven did... surprisingly help him a lot? it didn't make everything suddenly better, but having a real alive charizard, even if it did sort of remind him of miki, made him smile a little. he appreciates your presence and sometimes invites you to just take a stroll around with him. he didn't have any pokemon and all pokemon oddly avoided him, but with you around they seemed to no longer do that... maybe they realized he seemed to feel better? sometimes he just idly plays with the wild pokemon when he's around you and bored. he possibly even catches one as Emotional Support. i like to think it's an eevee bc its technically a starter and im biased.

🔥 if he were in a better mental state he'd probably brag about how miki could take both of your pokemon on despite having a pretty clear disadvantage. he'd probably be right tbh miki was built different, but it'd be a close battle were it to ever happen. he wishes he met you earlier.

🔥 assuming you did befriend him, fun fact you probably helped him enough for him to not eventually go find a missingno at the dead of night and also snap mikes neck. this is a win. he's still pretty closed off, depressed, and awkward, but he's at least trying to get better now.

🔥 if for some reason you wanted him to he'd essentially babysit your pokemon for you. i don't know why they'd have to be babysat, they're grown starter pokemon and they're possibly the only ones you even have ( which would be dangerous to go without ), but hey the offers open ( he just wants an excuse to play w them to get things off of his mind tbh. )

🔥 randomly gifts you lemonade and coffee, which he has a startling abundance of. it's an excuse for him to throw away all the gifts people give him because he does not want that shit ( ... mostly. he keeps a bit of the coffee ).

🔥 if you're around steven, you'll be around mike at least a couple of times. steven intentionally avoids mike nowadays, but you'll probably cross paths, especially if steven invites you to his house.. mike appreciates that you hang around his little brother a lot, and will sometimes talk to you, but will immediately try to leave the conversation when he hears or sees steven. so . Woops. steven probably also shittalks mike to you sometimes if you ever bring him up but he'll probably never explicitly mention The Incident, just imply it ( eg saying things like "...Don't keep your Charizard around him." or something ). he doesn't want to talk or think about mike, especially not around you.

🔥 he takes fucking terrible care of himself. he probably has spent a week / multiple days in the pokemon tower in front of miki's grave and he barely sleeps or eats. i think your blastoise and charizard would also notice this and like push him to a bed or try to nudge him berries or something. please make him eat he rlly needs it.

🔥 overall he thinks your interesting, but you remind him of a lot of his life before the incident... which makes him nostalgic and sometimes a little sad. but he grows used to it.

🔥 the steven section of this is literally just him going "Man. This reminds me of Miki and Mike and that makes me feel shitty." and im sorry abt that bc i didnt know what else to add (*&^% steven's not in his best state rn so its harder to write him having any sort of reaction that isnt like that </3. i tried to make it a little more lighthearted at the end but ya

MIKE

💧 mike on the other hand is slightly less depressed ( slightly ) but he still got pretty scarred from the incident. he still tries to be his same energetic self but that is clearly a lot more faltered than it used to be. he usually stays home a lot more often, while steven goes out a lot more often to roam the region and pay his respects.

💧 he thinks you having both a blastoise and a charizard is dope! Unfortunately, it also reminds him of miki because god knows seeing that charizard die right in front of him due to his persistence did negative things to his psyche. i think he's even more dodgy and awkward around your charizard than steven is since steven absolutely blames mike for that whole thing and he knows that and also sorta blames himself. he's afraid he'll hurt yours as well.

💧 HOWEVER. with the blastoise. he'll be like "SAME STARTER???" and hi-five you and he'll let you twos blastoises play w eachother. they get along suuuper well which hes happy about.

💧 he also thinks you being the champion is funny in a sort of morbid way since you straight up just have both him and steven's starters, so the pokemon league effectively had a replacement for both of them. obviously steven and mike had more pokemon than those two, but those were their aces. which, he guesses worked out. he didn't intend to become champion again because he really wasn't in the right mindset for it anymore, so that's fine w/ him.

💧 since he did not release all of his pokemon like a certain someone ( sorry steven bullying you is funny ) nor had one of them die he can fight against you and happily will. mostly to take his mind off of things

💧 he's also been taking horrible care of himself similar to steven, just in a bit of a different way - sleeping in too much and not eating that much. he feels guilty if you help him out with this but its appreciated if you do. just your presence helps, though.

💧 steven is sometimes hanging around, usually against his own will - he'll catch you two doing something together, and he'll also probably see your charizard sometimes. it sort of pisses him off that mike can just Go on with his life and be happy ( mike isnt entirely happy, he's just doing better ) after he "murdered" miki. aaaand that makes the whole atmosphere tense and reverts mike to being a little dodgy and nervous again. the only thing the younger brother has ever said to you is something along the lines of keeping your charizard away from mike. Sibling drama moment ig.

💧 due to this steven's kind of a dick to both of you if you chose to hang around mike. thankfully, steven's usually out nowadays to pay respects to miki's grave and roam the region aimlessly, and he isn't often even in his and mike's shared home anymore. if you try to hang out w them both equally it would make everything so awkward and tense between the two and they'd eventually fight over your friendship, probably - the person starting that being steven, since mike's content with him also being your friend even if it's awkward.

💧 loves to tell you the tales of his adventures. he loves recounting his happy memories and events of his adventures, the pokemon he caught, and battling steven - even if steven sort of hates him nowadays. he'll encourage you to swap stories and tales from both of you twos adventures since he's very interested in how you yourself handled the gym challenges.

💧 unfortunately choosing the Mike Path ( trademark ) will probably make steven eventually kill him still especially if in this hypothetical you don't really talk to or care abt steven much, so take that how you will. that's angst material that im not writing bc this post and all posts i make are already too long.

💧 there is also a chance that you hanging around mike ( especially if u also hang arnd steven ) might make steven just straight up not do that due to the fact you'll probably be around, or in the best option possible he sort of reconciles with mike a little and slowly gets less and less vengeful about it because of you being friends with the both of them. having a third party who didn't just pity the two and offer them apologies and items was helpful, after all. he'll still be very awkward and mostly negative with mike though, just not As much.

💧 overall mike is very happy to find someone to talk to since steven sort of... stopped being social with him or anyone. he finds your methods interesting

i feel like these were sorta lackluster bc its hard to tie in this prompt when both of the brothers are in Depressive Episodes but i hope my attempts were good ! ( also god i really have to condense my writing but i almost physically cant ) anyways ty for requesting - wispy

[whocanretell]

Hi everyone. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to have this be my first foray back into Tumblr RP after my inadvertent hiatus, but as someone who has watched their friends be harassed and stalked by Valentine, I can no longer in good conscience stay silent. I stayed quiet because I didn’t want to make things worse for anyone, but at this point, I feel it’s better for everything to be out in the open. I unfortunately do not have screenshots for a lot of what I’m about to talk about because it was five years ago andI didn’t think to hoard evidence on people I considered my friends. Frankly, I had no idea that things with Valentine (who I knew as Laurel) would have progressed as they did and hopefully, my account of my experience with them will shed some light on the subject.

I first met Valentine through Merc shortly after I entered the DA Tumblr RPC in late June/early July of 2017 playing The Iron Bull. My URL at the time was afirmbelieverinnopantsfridays and I was one of the only Iron Bulls at the time in the Tumblr RPC. Merc and I had taken a chance on each other because she was attempting to start up a roleplay exchange and I joined her Discord along with a few other roleplayers who would become some of my best friends. Valentine was not in this Discord, but I had seen them interacting with her and decided to give them a follow, even though I was lukewarm on their character, Astor Hawke. We hit it off fairly quickly and had been friends for probably about the space of a month when they asked if I was interested in shipping Astor and Bull together. 

Initially, I said we could try it out and asked them about the dynamic they had in mind. They told me what they envisioned was that Astor and Bull would meet during Inquisition at some point and Astor’s interest would initially be piqued by his fetish for Qunari, but would turn into a genuine relationship based on mutual respect and affection. I pointed out that Astor fetishizing Bull would make it substantially harder to do because he got that a lot in the South and keeping in mind the racial politics of the game setting, it would not make him feel positively towards Astor. They said they were committed to Astor doing the work on his own and I said okay, but to keep our discussion in mind. They sent me a couple of asks, which I did answer, but we never developed any threads. 

Shortly after that, as my friendships with Merc and Valtielt developed, we joined Reese’s Discord server. Valentine asked if they could be an admin fairly early on and we all agreed because we didn’t foresee it being an issue. I had noticed their aggressive and persistent vaguing on the dash, sometimes directed at people I considered friends and mutuals, but fortunately, Valentine was too busy with their ships at the time to pay much attention to me. 

As time went on, Merc had begun to talk to us in her own server about her interactions with Valentine and the person she chose to call Blue (who was also a victim but very much an enabler of Valentine’s behavior towards Merc and was her right hand on the dash). I had to be careful about what I said because it was clear that Merc was in a really rough place and that she needed a friend more than she needed me telling her to cut Valentine and Blue out of her life for being terrible friends. They were emotional vampires who would make fun of her for having a panic attack and dismiss her suicidal thoughts and feelings. They would tell her that she was a bad friend for being mentally ill and not supporting them in the way that they chose or get upset that she was having a normal reaction to negative and shitty things going on in her life. 

I was there in Reese’s Discord for the Squid incident, which came after that, and I cannot stress enough that it was peacefully resolved. When Valentine blew up at Merc in private DMs, she told us in her private server that we shared because she was so blindsided. Naturally, we were all appalled and that was the point where I decided that I would start privately distancing myself from Valentine. It was not difficult to do because they weren't paying much attention to me and spent most of their time posting about their existing partners or vaguing angrily on the dash. 

Sometime after that, I called out a roleplay musings blog for making a post using the translated slogan of the Auschwitz concentration camp, “Work will make you free”, as an aesthetic. This was not the first time I had called out a blog for antisemitism,and unfortunately, not the first time they reacted badly. Valentine came into my DMs to quietly support me and told me that they were Jewish. I thanked them for sharing that with me and said that I understood why they kept it quiet because racism in the American Jewish community against Jews of color. I do not doubt that Valentine is Jewish, but it is the fact that Valentine is Jewish that made the incident Merc described in Reese’s server with the Holocaust memorial photo absolutely fucking galling. I helped Merc write that part of her callout because I remembered that incident so clearly and I would have never known that Valentine, a fellow Jew, had given her shit for it because my non-Jewish friend Merc came to me privately in DMs because she felt I had a right to know what was happening.

I should not need to say to a fellow Jew that Holocaust memorial photos are never just “photos”. I should not need to say to a fellow Jew that it doesn’t need to be Auschwitz for me to get mad at people making our ancestors’ traumatic,unjust deaths into moodboard photos for their aesthetic. My blood boils to this day just thinking about it, but every word Merc wrote is true. 

I thought about blocking Valentine in Reese’s server after that, but ultimately didn’t because my life outside roleplay got in the way. I was not sure how to disentangle myself because I had seen the way they reacted to others who cut them off or upset them and decided that muting them on my dash and not engaging was the path of least resistance. Then, it turned out I didn’t have to work too hard because I watched Valentine blow up Reese’s server for no reason and hold it hostage. 

We were talking in the trigger warning chat about comedy and somehow, the subject of Bill Maher came up for the first time. My friend Tasmin noted that he was transphobic and a couple of other people chimed in. We were about to move on when Valentine came in there out of nowhere and said that with their authority as a mod, they were banning the topic of Bill Maher because “you guys get so fucking extra all the time”. All of us, who had watched Valentine vague and rant on the dash with impunity, were blindsided. I and a couple of other people pointed out that Valentine was the one who had made it a problem, the server had been drama free because we had resolved problems peacefully, and we were all adults who didn’t appreciate being treated like children. Valentine refused to apologize or step down as a mod, so we went to Reese. 

Reese spoke with Valentine privately, then let us know that not only was Valentine refusing to apologize and step down as a mod, but that they had threatened to nuke the server if he tried to remove them. Valentine almost deleted that entire server and held it hostage from its rightful owner because they would have rather buried it than taken accountability for making a mistake and apologizing. We ended up leaving en masse after that because there was nothing that we could do and Reese understood why we didn’t want to stay.

I didn’t speak to Valentine for a long time after that, which is why I was so surprised when they approached me in DMs a couple of months later. I had quietly deleted every ask they had sent me because I knew blocking them would set them off, which wasn’t many and could easily be explained away by Tumblr eating it. I responded to what they said, but didn’t engage beyond that and we were talking about their character Astor and roleplay. Valentine mentioned a talent of his among many others and then went on to explain to me that he was incredibly good at so many things because “the autistics……their intelligence is amazing.” 

That’s a verbatim quote. I remember it in perfect clarity because I was so angry. My high school best friend, who I loved like a brother, was autistic. Additionally, my mother was a psychology professor and while I was never a student in her classes, I had learned about the ableism in the savant model from her and why that was so particularly damaging and harmful to autistic people. I did not know whether Valentine was autistic or not and frankly, I did not care because you can be disabled and still uphold ableism that harms others. 

I went silent and then never spoke to Valentine again. Frankly, I was waiting for them to ask me why because I was ready to tear them a new one. In retrospect, I’m glad they didn’t because I would have made things worse for Valtiel and Merc, and I don’t want this to happen to anyone else who reads this. Please block this person and don’t engage. It is not worth the cost of your mental health or your wellbeing. 

And Valentine, yimakh sh’mo, since I know you’re reading this, gai kaken offen yom. 

[seancamerons]

I love coloring, designing, and writing so much.

Doing these things keeps my mood so good, and happy. I 💖 it. I love being a creative! It's awesome. While I do get critical of my designs and writing, but I've made progress, and I can be super dedicated and passionate and happy accidents are reframed from what id normally view as a mistakes or id criticize it to where its no longer fun and happy.

I'm so thankful I was able to overcome and press onwards on my creativity journey, especially after i suffered with perfectionist times and burn out for the better part of 8 years. Only a decade ago I focused primarily on writing and creating passion projects as opposed to other things and I've become more driven and find myself loving and trusting the processes to come what may and everyday little chips away at the negatives and looking at the good and the positives. It's awesome I was able to do that and look at things differently. Even older projects I am less critical and look at it as it is, a journey, where the destination is eventually a thing but in the moment the present I'm focusing on the big picture and not getting overwhelmed. Although occasionally the little things make it worthwhile too, they're big parts of the puzzle of hodgepodge I call life. Like a variety pack of chocolates ,you never know. If anyone is feeling down or ultra critical just know that you never know until you start. Whatever you do my asvkce is to never criticize straight out the gate or downtqlk or downplay your dreams and ideas, even if they're mostly fantastical or unrealistic to you or others. You can find joy in that. It might not even look good to you at first but don't discount yourself, just get up and try again and maybe revisit and come back there is no shame in trying.

That being said, you ever said kind words about my creative projects and supported me on my various projects over the years, that is great, here is a giant thank you. It means so much, and I appreciate those words and positivity and support generally. ✨️

Also many thanks tumblr too for existing and giving me a place to be sharing and working with like minded folks. To me it's not a hellsite, but a outlet for me and others like me, or different from me to grow for the past decade plus and hopefully for many years to come. It took me a long time to get to this place, it took fails, false starts, therapy, comforting myself and kind words and even high spirited cracks qnd self criticisms to let go of my sometimes high expectations and standards I'd unrealistically set for myself. I was goddamn hard on myself. I was miserable and not even confident, and sometimes I'd discount myself and my skills or feel down or feel something was ugly even if it got notes or recognition I thought it was pity or a joke. I used to be and still can be sensitive too, that went hand in hand with my low esteem for myself and pettaining to myself. Idk why I thought it could be easy, a life in the creative realm but it's a double edged sword. The way I saw it I was preparing myself for crits. Hard-core crits that decimated my dreams initially and turned me into what I was. No more. I don't really like who I was then. I want to instil that to my friends here that failure isn't a measure of you as a human, you give up too easily or procrastinate? You are setting yourself up to feel the same on other things too.

Fot instance, I forced myself to uphold comparisons to help me, when it only hindered, and now I am at peace, finally. I wish I knew what I knew before, years ago in college fighting so hard, that one day I'd be at peace with myself, decisions, just because I failed once it's not my destiny or destination, it ain't over until it's over and to me it's only just begun.

Love always, Brimi

💗😊💙💖😊💙😊💙💗

[mister-writes]

I was just thinking this week about how much I love and am grateful for the writing group I have (and how they differ from other writing groups I've had haha) so I thought I'd write some things I've noticed about them. Hopefully this will be helpful for someone who is either looking for a writing group, or someone who is *in* a writing group that they aren't quite sure about!

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A WRITING GROUP:

Look for people who read what you write, and people who write what you read. As a fantasy writer who has little to no experience in romance (writing or in real life), I wouldn't be able to provide genre-appropriate critiques for someone who was writing a solid romance novel. In the same vein, someone who enjoys mostly historical fiction might struggle reading 5000 words of fantasy drivel. You want to be able to enjoy reading what people share in your writing group, and you want to be sure they have experience in critiquing your type of writing.

Look for people who can provide specific praise for your book as well as specific critiques. First of all, getting only negative feedback is NOT fun. Secondly, and maybe more important, you're not going to know what to *keep* doing if someone doesn't point it out. Getting a vague "it was good" from your group doesn't really guide you going forward. Getting "I love the descriptions you added for the setting" DOES give you some important things to consider as you continue writing.

Look for people who are honest and specific in their critiques. It's no use to you or anyone if they don't tell you what they really think. Hearing a bland "it was good" or "Idk, I didn't really vibe with it" aren't helpful in any way. I've been in groups where people are so "nice" that they don't give more than gentle, general critiques when a more thorough read would be more beneficial. BUT critiques should also be something that you can act on, too- someone saying "I don't like middle grade fantasies, so you should change it" isn't helpful for someone that is writing a middle grade fantasy.

Look for people who can adapt their critiques as needed. More than once, a person in my writing group has come out of a slump and submitted a chapter with a note that hey, they're not feeling super motivated right now, could we please go gentle on the negative feedback? And so far my group has ALWAYS risen to the challenge, heaping up the praise and motivation while keeping revisions to a minimum. On top of that, they critique each other at the level that they're at; the person that just started writing a year ago isn't going to get the same type of critiques as the person that writes some of the most evocative prose I've ever seen. Feedback should push you to improve, but it shouldn't be something way above your level.

Look for a group that isn't afraid to disagree. Sometimes I disagree with a point of critique that someone else brings up on my work. Sometimes I disagree with a point someone brings up about another person's work. Whenever this happens, I can respectfully add my own point with the knowledge that the other person won't get defensive about it. Different opinions can exist on the same piece of work, and that's fine.

However, Look for people that won't push back against every piece of negative feedback they get. I think it's natural to get a little defensive about something you worked hard on. But a group is only effective if you learn to consider and integrate (or reject!) the feedback given to you. If people in the group feel the need to constantly argue or justify themselves, you won't have a productive session.

Look for people who share some of the same (major) values as you. This one didn't really come to light at first, but as I've gotten to know the group members better, it's nice to know that no one is going to freak out if one of our writers introduces an LGBT character.

And finally, Look for people you trust. One of the reasons I benefit so much from these critiques is that I respect my group members and trust their opinions on writing. I've been in other groups where I took literally everything they said to me with a grain of salt because I didn't actually trust their opinions.

I hope this is at least moderately helpful to someone, because getting into a writing group is probably the only reason I'm writing so consistently today.

Happy writing everyone!