#so i can be properly handled with. bc being expected to live in the normal world without help is slowly killing me idk

[swiftfootedachilles]

hey bb where are u i miss u

have i been gone?? does it feel like ive been gone?

fr im so busy with life stuff that i barely have time to fill my queue at night before passing out at 930pm. i feel bad bc i JUST asked people to send me asks and i havent had time to answer them 😩😩😩😩 why do i always do this

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

So I saw this really cute NND fanart by @etincelleart, which inspired me to write this fic where Ruby and Penny go for boba in Vacuo.

honestly it's the closest I've engaged with canon in my writing in a long while and it was really fun

don't ask where the atla joke reference came from bc I'm still not entirely sure how it found its way in

.

Taste Buds

Since her transformation Penny’s life has been full of new experiences. Most of them, good (hugs, the warmth of the sun on her skin, meeting and petting that stray cat, hugs), but she still has just a little bit of apprehension about trying new things. Flipping too quickly through the pages of a book she couldn’t automatically download into her mind (due to her excitement over that being an experience she can have now) leading to her First Ever Paper Cut had taught her that it was perhaps best to take some things slowly.

There’s still no one else quite like her. Ambrosius hadn’t made her a new body. They’d been very careful with their wording there. She just sort of has one now? The person she’d always been manifested as she envisioned herself? Penny is most definitely real, so it checks out. It’s just…the part of her that still finds comfort in hard data and scientific fact struggles with the whole thing, sometimes, when it’s quiet, and she has nothing else really to focus on.

Food has been a particularly exciting (if also a little worrying) topic. Hunger is not something Penny enjoys. Being able to taste definitely is. Even if she hasn’t had the chance to try out too many flavors yet, Penny loves all of them, especially sweets. Though that may be due to it being Ruby (and Ruby’s own giant sweet tooth) that introduced her to many of the foods she’s tried so far, leading to something of a bias in the data sample.

The worrying part about food is the eating. According to the medical doctor she’d gone to with Ruby, Penny is a perfectly healthy, normal girl. The doctor had also reassured Penny her lack of medical records was okay, expected even, it was a common situation amongst a lot of the Atlesian refugees. Informing her that Penny’s organic body was a relatively new development had led to a bit of awkwardness, but they’d moved passed it.

The point being, all the necessary parts for a digestive system (and also every other functionality a person has) are there. How exactly they got there may be a mystery Penny will live with for the rest of her life, but they’re still there, and they all do their jobs properly.

Penny had been nervous at first, to eat. Before, she’d always had to be incredibly careful because a crumb or droplet of liquid in the wrong place could lead to system-wide errors and glitching for days. But, eating was part of her life now. Normal now. Expected even.

And honestly, once she got past that initial, momentary hesitation, the excitement had taken over. It’s a whole new—

“Eep!”

Ruby tugs Penny into a flurry of rose petals. Penny reflexively relaxes into the sensation. They land, breathlessly, on the opposite side of the street from the (cabbage? Penny is fairly sure those are cabbages, but, without instant access to databases, she’s still learning to differentiate vegetables on her own, and all the green ones are particularly difficult) vendor, whose cart Ruby almost knocked over.

The probably-cabbage vendor shakes his fist at them, but doesn’t chase them across the street. He picks up the handles of his cart and, grumbling, goes on his way.

Ruby looks to Penny. Penny looks back. Ruby’s laugh fills her cheeks before bursting out of her. Penny can’t help but join in.

It takes a few minutes for their giggles to subside.

“Okay, okay.” Ruby takes a breath to settle herself. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

They continue weaving their way through the streets of Vacuo, though not going quite as fast as the almost jog Ruby had led Penny on to begin with. Soon they reach the shop with the large sign reading, Bubba Bubba Boba, above it.

The boba shop is slowly becoming something of a favorite of their group. It is, first and foremost, Ruby and Yang’s spot, a cherished reminder of their pre-Beacon life. One they’re slowly sharing with everyone. There’d been talk of visiting as a whole group, but differing assignment schedules made that difficult. So far, to Penny’s knowledge, only Yang has taken Blake there, at the end of their first Official Date As A Couple, where they’d meandered through the shopping district together.

Until, that is, less than an hour ago, when Ruby rushed into Penny and her father’s small quarters and declared Penny absolutely has to go there with her.

Penny isn’t exactly sure of the timeline between Yang surprising Ruby with boba to Yang and Blake’s date ending with them getting boba to now, but she is a little concerned about Weiss’s absence from the series of events. Wouldn’t it have made sense for Team RWBY to go together first?

(Unbeknownst to her, there had been an intermediary moment where Ruby, after hearing about Yang and Blake’s date, got her idea to take Penny for boba, and talked to Weiss about it. Weiss had encouraged (to put it in the most mild terms possible) Ruby to just ask Penny out already, which Ruby had, of course, interpreted as ‘taking my friend Penny, who is my friend and totally not anything else, out for boba’.

(Semi-relatedly, there is an entire chapter of the memoir living rent free in Weiss’s head titled; My Teammates And Their Obliviousness To Their Own Romances: How To Deal With The Unending Frustration.)

Penny and Ruby walk into the boba shop. It’s sparsely decorated, most of what’s there an eclectic assortment of basic furniture easily found. Packing up, leaving in a hurry, and restarting a business in a new kingdom hadn’t been easy for the shop owners, but they seem to be doing their best.

Penny trails after Ruby to the counter. She looks up at the colorful options cheerfully displayed on the menu. There’s a lot of them. Some flavors she recognizes, like strawberry or mango. Others she doesn’t. Staring at the words ‘matcha’ and ‘taro’ doesn’t suddenly reveal anything about what they are to Penny.

“Hey, Penny?” Ruby is looking back at her, mild concern written across her face. “You good?”

“Yes, I…” Penny bites her lower lip. “I don’t know what to choose.” Any of the options could be good. They probably all are. But this will be her first boba. Her first boba with Ruby.

It suddenly feels just a bit daunting.

“Well, let’s see.” Ruby comes to stand beside her. She automatically reaches for Penny’s hand, and Penny doesn’t hesitate in allowing her to take hold of it. With her other, free hand, Ruby taps her finger against her lips. “You’ve had a bunch of types of fruit before, right? Maybe we could go with one of those flavors, since they’re already kind of familiar?”

“I suppose.” Penny glances again at the flavors on the menu she doesn’t know. It would probably be most logical to not travel too far away from the known on her first taste, no matter how much her curiosity is telling her otherwise.

Ruby catches sight of Penny’s expression. She frowns. Then her eyes light up with an idea. “Or, we could get one of each, something you’re familiar with and something you’re not, and share!”

Penny can’t help but grin. “I like that idea much better.”

At the counter, Ruby orders one strawberry and one matcha. Then, with drinks in hand, she leads Penny to one of the shop’s outdoor tables. They sit.

“Here.” Ruby passes the strawberry over to Penny first. Their fingers accidentally brush against each other.

Penny’s heart skips a beat. She tells it, not for the first time, it really must stop doing that when these sorts of minor accidents happen when she’s around Ruby. They’re very comfortable with physical contact with each other. Why should the unintended ones be any different?

“Try it! Try it!” Seemingly unaware of where Penny’s mind is at, Ruby eagerly gestures at the boba cup in front of Penny.

Putting such thoughts aside for later, Penny picks up the strawberry one, and guides the straw to her lips. Then nearly jumps as the first boba makes it to her mouth. She was not expecting that specific texture! Penny rolls the boba around with her tongue, adjusting to how it feels, and tastes.

“Soooo?” Ruby leans forward over the table. “How is it?”

Penny doesn’t have to think about her answer.

“Perfectly sensational!”

“Yay!” Ruby swings back in her chair. Too far. It leans back. Its front two legs leave the ground. The chair tips and unceremoniously drops Ruby. She instinctively calls upon her semblance to catch herself, but flies too far, going into the street.

A second later Ruby finds herself in an amongst the fallen cabbages of the cart she crashed into.

The vendor, the same one from earlier, has his hands on his head.

“MY CABBAGES!”

Over his shoulder, Ruby meets Penny’s gaze. Penny grabs their bobas. They go running.

(Later, they’ll go back and make things right with the cabbage vendor.)

For now, Ruby and Penny hide out in an alley and swap boba flavors.

[hwangmimi]

hi again!! bear (he/him) here with a muse i truly adore and haven't had the chance to properly write yet, hwang mimi! he's 23, has been somewhat homeless since he was 20. i say 'somewhat' because he's luckily had a few friends let him stay on their couch here and there over the years, and had housing during his 18 months of military service. here you can find links to his profile, and bio. under the cut i'll leave some tldr info about him. also, please like this post if you'd like to plot!

mimi was born to a very normal young couple, but when he was only 2 his father passed away in an accident. left to raise her son alone, his mother was rather vulnerable, and got swept up into a very 'extreme' church

a mere year after his fathers passing his mother remarried the pastor of her new church, but mimi hated the man. he might've only been a toddler, but he knew from the start he didn't like the man one bit

he was right to dislike him. turned out 'the pastor' (mimi rarely called him by his name, and never called him dad) believed in 'the man of the house' being in charge. his mother was expected to cook and clean, while the pastor sat around doing nothing when he wasn't working. for a while he didn't let mimi's mother work, insisting that women's place was in the home.

long story short, mimi hated home life, though the birth of his sister when he was 6 definitely brightened the place up a bit. he really took to her and they ended up being best friends

mimi's 'behaviour' always got him in trouble at school and at home, and he was frequently punished. it all came to a head when he was in university and had joined a rock band. believing him to be possessed, the pastor attemped two exorcisms on him before throwing him out and forbidding him from contacting his sister or mother

living on the street, or sleeping on friends couches (which mimi hated bc he felt guilty about not being able to pay them any rent or give them anything in return) led to a pronounced decline in his mental health, and eventually led to him ending up in hospital with alcohol poisoning, which was the catalyst for his elistment

after his discharge from military service, initially his mental health was alright, but upon going right back to his homeless state of 18 months prior, his mental health plummeted again and he ended up being persuaded to seek medical help

after being diagnosed with bpd, he's been trying hard to manage his symptoms and regularly sees a therapist, but still has his wobbly moments

he managed to get a job after his mental health sort of stabilised, but has yet to find a place to live, since he cant rent on his own (doesn't earn enough) but is also reluctant to spend money as he wants to try and save up for a place big enough for him and his sister once she become an adult and he's allowed to talk to her again (that is if she even wants to talk to him anymore)

mimi struggles with keeping stable relationships, as he has an extreme fear of abandonment, leading him to act quite clingy, possessive and jealous with those closes to him

he also struggles with emotional regularity, and can get very upset very quickly, over seemingly really small things, or have violent outbursts. he always feels really terrible about it afterwards, and is getting better at handling it, but he still sometimes slips up

he tends to only drink around those he's close to and trusts to keep an eye on him, as he's nervous about overdoing it like he used to when his mental health was really bad

he loves music, its his absolute passion and the first thing he turns to when he needs to calm down (which is why he's always got his overear headphones round his neck, to block out the world when it gets a bit too much)

he really has no idea where he wants to go in life. right now he's sort of content working in the music shop, and probably thinks about owning one himself one day, but he's aware people don't really buy physical CDs anymore, and only some people get vinyls, so he's a bit worried music stores will die out

[medical-gal]

Death by a thousand cuts

I have been thinking about writing this for months now. Even before I decided to quit the residency at my previous job.

COVID has been kicking our ass, true, but that was (is) true for most healthcare providers all around the world.

No, my struggle started a bit before that actually.

First some background, I have been working at one of the biggest most famous ID clinics in central Europe. The clinic is in a different country than I am originally from so there was a bit of cultural accommodating at the begging. But we were a big group of ID interns/residents/fellows and specialists.

I don't actually remember that much from my first year working there. And I couldn't figure out why, but then I read in some study that when u experience a high dose of stress and/or sleep deprivation for a long time, your brain kinda stopps being able to transcribe short term memory into a long term.

I was working 100hours/week, sometimes less, sometimes more. After a year and a half, when the last half I worked in the ID ER for five months, I always stayed after working 24 hours, sometimes over 36hours, and I would see and treat 70ish patients. Nobody from the older docs would help me out, nobody from other interns either bc usually they would have their own kind of hell to take care of.

The fact that basically, inexperienced doctors are taking care of patients never really phased my ex-boss. Her mantra was that if there was a problem that you cannot resolve, you can call her and she would advise you. Which most of the time was true, I must say that.

But we all have been young docs, barely out of our medical school garments, and sometimes as it happened, we could not recognize there IS a problem that maybe needs a more experienced opinion.

I am often confronted with this idea or more like a culture, of pretending that once you are an MD you don't need help and asking for it is a kind of weakness and that then you are forever on the list of WEAKLINGS.

And let me say this only once.

That's absolute bullshit.

Anyway, the first time I decided to quit I worked there for about a year and a half, I went for a long-expected holiday, I took three weeks off, had interviews and talked with my bf about my options.

Second thing...my man, bless his beard, would support me no matter what. He is almost 10 years older than me, so he has more work experience and I find it reassuring to discuss stuff like this with him bc I know he will not sugarcoat it. He said that I should dig my heels in and last at least one more year till the end of my "internship". As a "resident" who worked at this specific department, I wouldn't have a problem finding another job. We r basically the equivalent of a french legion of medical professionals (when u work in this specific department and everyone knows it, I will come back to that later).

So I took his advice. Thankfully as a part of our training, one of those parts is a year-long internship at the internal medicine department, which I did shortly after we had that conversation and guys, that was a revelation of how medicine and just...work and life can be experienced. There were enough docs for a floor, an attending who had the time to manage and advise us. I´ve grown that year as a doc so much. Other internships were mandatory so I could have become (equivalent of) a resident, and it was a general surgery, anesthesiology, radiology, microbiology etc. But I did them all and became a resident.

The moment I came back to our clinic, my boss would put me in our outpatient department. Which I have never worked on before. The head of the department has quit a few months before, and I had no idea what to do there, bc it's a very different type work. The only thing my boss told me when I spoke of my concerns were "you will learn".

Thankfully the previous head of the department was a good friend of mine and she would always answer my questions and requests. Suddenly I no longer had to deal with the hectic life of an ID floor or ER, no sepsis, meningitis, etc.

Most of my patients were the chronic type...Lyme, chlamydia, mycoplasma... let's say it literally drained the life out of me. But I managed. Also, I started to work for their outpatient office which takes care of patients with chronic hepatatis. That I enjoyed more.

I also started to dip my toes in vaccinology, either planned like for travel but I started to be more interested in preventive care in the immunocompromised and my own phantasmagoria was to make a palliative care team in our hospital. Bc, we had none. And then a wonderful thing happened, other docs, older experienced, great at their work, started to refer their patients to me specifically.

There were more examples of the utter a complete FUCK U(s) which were kindly provided either by the system or by the head of the department or the hospital.

Then covid hit and the shit hit the interstellar space.

I still can't make myself remember the first few months bc it actually causes me to go into a rage fit, and honestly, I am done with that kind of negativity.

I hold out for a year. Year of such shitty treatment from the chief and our hospital head. No thank you- s or you are doing a good job or we r all on the same ship.

No.

People will say that I quit bc of the money. And that's not true, tho it did irk me a bit. All the other ID specialists working at different hospitals would get covid bonuses every month. We got jack shit. Again, the best biggest most know ID clinic. We were the first and oftern the ONLY ones who would test for/diagnose/hospitalize/treat a patient who had covid FOR MONTHS in the beginning.

I mean, the medical community is small, the ID community even smaller so yes, we were able to compare and contrast the work at different ID departments in other hospitals bc our friends worked there. And all of them would go speechless when they would hear from us what we were living thru.

At one point at the beginning of the pandemic, ALL the ambulances would go thru our ER department and we were supposed to decide where the patient should go.

AN EXAMPLE

Ambulance with a woman who has known colon cancer, had a fever, stomach as a rock and is projectile vomiting. I was supposed to decide where she should go and the surgeon would be super pissed when I said that I don't think she has COVID but without PCR I can't be sure but I think there is a bigger pressing issue. I remember him saying:

"well if anyone else gets infected at our department and dies, it's on you."

fun.

There were other examples of seriously stressful episodes which I and my coworkers lived thru, for which we were not trained for, advised, or properly supervised. At a certain point, I started to take anxiolytics before and during my all-nighters bc I didn't know what I would do with all that stress which was so callously shat on me and my coworkers.

For a few months, I stopped working nights, only thru the mercy of my coworkers who saw how exhausted I was and would take my shifts.

Anyway, after only two months I had to start working nights bc I needed the money. The basic pay for docs was just not enough without the extra from night shifts. Talk about exploiting.

The moment however when I decided to QUIT, when I was DONE, when I actually heard my heart break, was the moment at the end of the previous year. They decided to start vaccinating in our tiny small vaccination centre. Let's say a "shit storm" brewing is the light version of events that ensued.

But basically, as I was trying to discuss with my boss that we are all exhausted, that this wave is not slowing down and that throwing more work at us, the docs and nurses and other staff, who are overworked, is not a good idea,

What she basically said to me is that who says things like that is lazy and that if she can handle it everyone must be also.

The thing is..most of us were at the bring. Some would handle it with casual and calous sex, drugs (legal or not), a bottle of wine before sleep. A coworker ended up with antipsychotics.

But u know,

we were all lazy apperently.

I realized there is no way out of this other than quitting. I could not continue being so tired and sad all the time. I took two weeks off, really thought about it. Had diarrhoea and nausea for a week as I realized I will have to quit :D

On a Monday I came back, handed in my notice. Basically what she told me and how she reacted made me realized how right the decision was.

I had to stay there for another three months bc that's the law, but my mood changed significantly.

I got another job in a smaller ID department, working with amazingly kind people, but that's another story.

But that was the only interview I actually looked for and did. I, however, did get several job offers from different types of medicine. From heads of different departments in my old hospital to smaller general medicine chain offices who are looking for ID specialists, to insurance companies.

Like I said, french legion.

Or Runway and your boss is Miranda Pristley. Once u survive that, u survive anything.

But at my old work they would keep hitting you with wave after wave of passive agressive comments about how if u quit, u wont be able to find anything as"prestigious" as this.

There were many other exmaples of a shitty and questionable situations which were treated as "normal" but there is not point on getting on that rage train.

Contrary as it might seem, I am greatful I got to live thru this, good and bad, bc now I know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice for a job. No matter how much I might love it.

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 3

a/n: almost done, two more left!! i’m not sure why, but these ones were really fun for me to do and i had to cut myself off before i wrote whole fics for each one. also thank you to my wifey for helping me with akaashi, idk why his was so hard for me to do ): pairings: bokuto x reader, akaashi x reader, ushijima x reader, tendou x reader, semi x reader warnings: some spoilers for post timeskip, minor cussing, a bit suggestive (ushi) taglist: @babydabi​, @suckersuki​, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies​ part 2 | part 4

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ definitely someone who talks about the first things that just pop into his mind ⇾ would literally change topics in the middle of his sentence ⇾ “did you see my last spread, I was centerfold Tsum-Tsum was not happy but when I offered to trade places with him, it made him even more mad - I just got an email saying my new knee pads have been shipped YES - babe are you hungry? Let’s go to the convenience store and get some snacks” ⇾ all over the place ⇾ but the second sleep starts to hit him, he become even softer than he already is ⇾ this baby would def be asking for validation without outright asking for it - we all know he lives to be praised but as he gets older, he stops asking for it directly ⇾ i feel like he just becomes more self-conscious after he realizes that being on a national team means that now the entire WORLD is scrutinizing him ⇾ i could keep going on about him imma stop

“I couldn’t help it, I started laughing.” Even hours later, Bokuto was trying to hold in laughter from the memory of the event. “I think that’s why he’s mad at you Kou.” Bokuto pouted. “I offered to help him up.” “Yeah, but you were also red from laughing so hard and wiping the tears from your eyes. I don’t think he appreciated that.” Bokuto got quiet and you knew what that meant. “But at the end of the day, the pictures came out amazing. You look amazing.” His smile, although soft compared to his usual grin, came back. “You think so?” You hummed. “If volleyball doesn’t work out, you could be a model. I already know one of my friends has a shrine dedicated to you. Which honestly feels weird, but hey, if it’s harmless why should I care?” you said, going off on a tangent. Bokuto brushed off the compliment that normally would’ve stroked his ego. “Nah, I don’t think I could handle the pressure.” You cocked an eyebrow. “People constantly judging you and criticizing you. You know me, I thrive with praise and…” “Become emo with criticism?” He let out a dry chuckle. “Yeah. I’m trying to change.” You reached over and caressed his cheek. “There’s a difference between growing up and mellowing out and changing who you are. You’ve done the growing up part and you’re slowly mellowing out as much as you can. But please don’t change.” “But people keep saying -” “Forget what they say. I love you the way you are now.” Bokuto’s full grin returned to his face. “I love you more.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ more of a listener he learned his ways from babysitting bo ⇾ he would just enjoy listening to whatever you had on your mind ⇾ one to add his own commentary and thoughts to whatever you were saying ⇾ if he were to talk though, he would reminisce  ⇾ talks of bokuto and his old team, things he misses ⇾ but speaking of bokuto, he would go off on how proud he is seeing his former ace doing so well for himself now - even if he still isn’t a normal player ⇾ depending on how open he’s feeling, he might even wander into his insecurities and childhood, things he doesn’t really open up about unless he feels really close to you

“And then I booked it out of there,” you finished your story. Akaashi hummed. “What about the other girl who was still working?” “Look, she never sticks around to help me when I have extra work, I wasn’t going to stick around to help her.” He cracked a smile at your pettiness. “Wait, didn’t you have lunch with Bokuto today?” “Yes. It was nice.” You waited a moment thinking that Akaashi would add more. “That’s it? It was nice?” “Well, you know how he is. But it was nice to see him trying to change himself. Well, improve himself.” You rolled over from your back onto his chest and reached up to play with his hair. “We talked a lot about playing during high school and what the others are doing these days. Everyone is so busy now, it’s hard to keep up. I’m proud of them.” You didn’t let the smile on Akaashi’s face go unnoticed, commenting on how it always seemed to be there whenever he talked about his former ace. “Leave me alone, I’m happy with how far he’s come on his own. I can’t but smile when I think about the people I love.” “Do you smile when you think about me?” “Of course I do, you idiot,” he replied before kissing your forehead.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ i very strongly believe he would talk about parallel universes ⇾ he would go into the existence of them but also like ‘what if there was a way for people in a parallel universe who could watch me as if my life was a movie’ ⇾ if he was in a more serious mood, like if he had a big match coming up or sum, he would talk more about his goals ⇾ the things he hopes to accomplish in the future, the outcomes he wants in life ⇾ if he was tired, it would be more like akaashi - more listening, less talking ⇾ i feel like he would always want to know what’s happening in your mind so he would ask you the most random questions or just want to listen to you talk as he drifts off to sleep

“Do you think they saw me when I tripped over Leo and dropped the dishes?” You remembered when he tripped over the cat the two of you were raising and ended up breaking a few plates. As annoyed as you were that the plates you like broke, it gave you a reason to go domestic shopping with your boyfriend. You sighed. “No Toshi. If they were watching you, it would be when you’re playing volleyball or taking a shower.” “But you’re in the shower with me sometimes. You think they saw what we were doing?” “If they did,” you started with your eyebrows raised, “I hope they enjoy it as much I do.” He chuckled. “Why when I’m playing volleyball?” “Because that’s your job now. What else would they watch you do? Play with Leo?” He didn’t reply as he looked down to the cat in his lap. Petting it, the two of you sat in silence for a while. You finally thought he dropped the topic as you started to drift to sleep. “I wonder if the people watching like me. Or what if they think I’m the villain?” You sat up in bed. “Why would you think you would be a villain in a show about volleyball?” “I don’t know. I could be a side character that no one likes.” His voice got quieter the more he talked. “Aw, Toshi. I’m sure you have many, many fans in this parallel universe who all wish to be dating you. You never intentionally hurt anyone. You tried, in your own way, to work with Oikawa, but it’s not like you sabotaged him or anything.” He nodded. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa. We could’ve been that impressive first year duo instead of Hinata and Kageyama.” You rubbed his shoulder. “I know, baby. You remind me of that at least once a month.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would get deep ⇾ talks about his childhood where he was bullied to where he is now ⇾ while he has his insecurities, he would still be very proud of himself and how far he’s come and everything he accomplished ⇾ on the topic of being proud, he would never pass up the opportunity to talk up his bff ushi and he would hype him up even though it’s just the two of you ⇾ he wouldn’t forget about the other third years aka his other ‘best friends’ (i use quotes bc he only has eyes for ushi lezbehonest) ⇾ the talk would shift over to you and how lucky he feels to have found you ⇾ half of the things he would say would just to get you all embarrassed and shy so he could tease you about it

You woke up an hour ago because when you went to snuggle with your boyfriend, his body was missing from bed. For the last hour, he talked to you about how much he’s grown over the years, not once stopping to let you say anything. You finally had enough of this monologue. “Satori, how much more can you possibly say? It’s been a whole ass hour. Get your ass to bed so I can snuggle with you and lemme sleep.” Sighing, he walked away from the window where he was using the light from the moon to set the mood of his speech. Getting into bed, he waited until you were satisfied and closed your eyes. “But also, Wakatoshi has gotten so far on his own. I couldn’t be more proud of my best friend.” “Satori, please. For the love of God.” “Babe, you gotta let me air this out. Good communication and all that.” “We don’t have a single problem that needs to be ‘aired out’ right now. I got work in the morning and you like the sound of your own voice.” That still didn’t stop him. “And Semi, I gotta hand it to him, the man finally learned how to dress properly. And his music isn’t that bad either so I gotta find something new to annoy him with now. Reon is still keeping his fighting spirit alive and playing volleyball too. My friends, all doing so well.” Tendou glanced down at you who had fallen asleep to his heart beats. “But you. I’m the most proud of you. I’m so lucky to have found you. Not that I needed someone in my life at the time, but all the happiness you’ve given me on top of the great things in my life. You’re an amazing person, and I appreciate the impact you’ve made in my life.”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ before we start with semisemi, he plays bass and sings in his band but he also plays the piano and guitar (these are MY OWN hcs, none of this is canon) ⇾ that being said, he would stay up late at night playing his guitar, working on songs and quietly singing lyrics to himself ⇾ his talks would be about purpose - like why he’s on this earth similar to hinata ⇾ aha ha ha so if yall read kuroo’s, you know how i feel about scorpios ⇾ semi babe is not safe from that either ⇾ while he is bad at opening up, he also has a short temper so expect apologies for his random outbursts from him ⇾ imma touch on this more in my semi relationship hcs so i shall stop here

You had been on your computer, finishing up some work of yours that you had been procrastinating on with Semi sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar as he worked on a new song. You hadn’t been paying attention the entire time, not until you closed your laptop and sat back in your chair. “Eita, what’s that song?” Your sudden question caused him to jump a little. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” “I just heard you singing. What is that?” He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I was hoping to hold out until it was finished.” You walked over to him, draping your arms around his shoulders and leaning your weight on him. You read the lyrics he had so far, your eyes growing bigger with each line. “What… is this?” “An apology.” You pulled away from him. “I know I’m not the easiest boyfriend and that when I have a problem, I should say something rather than exploding on you over the littlest thing. I didn’t really know how else to express this without messing it all up.” “I’ve known you for a long time, I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t figure that much out.” “But still, it doesn’t mean that I should just stay this way. I should be growing with you as a person, not stuck how I am. I really do need to learn to express myself better.” You let out a small chuckle. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.” You had. Four times already. “And this will be the last. Thank you for putting up with me.” Your arms wrapped around him once again. “Next time, I expect an entire album with love songs dedicated to me. Got it?” “Well fuck, I better not mess up. I don’t have enough material for an entire love album.” You shoved him. “Hey! Maybe I will leave your sorry ass.” “I’m just kidding! Babe! Where are you going?!”

[genshin-obsessed]

of course your writing can compare, pocket! Writing is subjective. There is no fact to writing. If there’s words on the page, and they make somebody feel something, that’s all that matters. And you have thousands of followers, so clearly, you’re making lots of “somebody”s feel lots of “something”s. Don’t feel discouraged. Everybody needs something different. For somebody, or lots of “somebody”s, your writing will be exactly what they need.

on that note, don’t feel pressured to write something for me if you don’t feel inspired. I want you to write something because you enjoy it. If that means writing for me, tahts all good. But that was something I wanted to point out.

and if you really don’t mind me going into my day a little bit more… the truth is I feel worthless and lonely today. I’ve been trying hard to make friends. But it’s difficult. I don’t really know what to expect. What I should be looking for. Trust and affection builds, and as you connect more with another person, they place more emphasis on you in their life. I have noboyd who does that for me except for myself. When I see that others don’t have to do that in all honesty, it makes me feel… worthless. Especially when I see them go towards those people instead of me and I can feel the dramatic dissonance between how I value them and how they value me. It’s unrealistic and unhealthy to expect things to go from one to a hundred, I know. But it still manages to hurt. I wish I was someone’s priority. And of course, this all comes from previous trauma. But these more minor situations always evoke it. But in any case. I need to go do homework, or else I wont get enough sleep.

-🐗boar anon

Adding ss in here for anyone who sees the middle ask you sent where you mentioned you were unsure about whether I could post this or not since I rarely post in order of asks received <3

So for the first part, thank you for such kind words, they mean a lot but no worries! I wasn’t being all that serious anyway! I was just joking but it was true to some extent. I think your writing is beautiful and I’m not sure whether that earlier ask was a joke or not, but you should 100% try writing if that’s something you like. You’re very good at it! And if you’re already a writer then I wish you well on your journey!! I’m sure you’ll have tons of followers soon SO DONT YOU BE FORGETTING ME WHEN YOURE FAMOUS >:0

And don’t worry, I do respond with my little drabble when I feel like it. Recently, the requests I have arent sparking any inspiration so I opt to do these instead! But don’t worry, I’m not ever pushing myself to respond when I do. I just wanted to but that time I couldn’t. No biggie ^w^

Now, for the second part, I’ll be more serious.

I want to preface the mess below by saying, I won’t tell you wanting friends is a waste of time. A lot of people make it seem like if you want friends you’re just looking for validation or something- no. That’s not true. Having people to connect with doesn’t mean we’re living life the wrong way or looking for the wrong things. It’s literally what we’re supposed to do as humans. Connect & interact, so what you’re reading below WILL NOT say what you want is bad, a waste of time, the wrong way to handle life, etc.

I understand. All of that, actually because I went through that as well. Friends are easy to come by, but to have that genuine friend- that best friend- those relationships are so hard to build. They’re sometimes very sensitive too, where they break super easily but take years to build up. That’s terrifying and a lot of people dont want to go through it. It makes sense, why spend years on a relationship when one stupid moment could ruin it all?

But you’re not alone, because I’ve been through similar situations. Most of my life was spent without friends. School was never a good place for friends for me. It’s one of the reasons I despise school with a passion. There was never even a social life there for me. I’m not sure what setting you’re in (whether it be school or a workplace) but regardless, feeling lonely is very possible.

When you’re younger and want friends, you’ll notice a lot of adults tell you friends don’t matter- especially high school friends bc “you won’t even know them when you’re in college”. Sure, they say that as a way to make you feel better but it doesn’t help. Because even for those four years, you don’t want to be alone.

Your feelings are valid and I really, really understand them. There were so many days in school where I was alone/watched friends interact and it hurt. It hurt on some stupid level that I realized wasn’t good for me.

Wanting a friend is normal. Wanting to be alone is normal. It doesn’t make you worthless- and I really want you to understand that. You may feel that way, but at least know it’s not true. There are those super crappy days where you realize just how alone you are. And those days hurt the worst. It’s like a kick when you’re already down.

For some people, they want to have friendships/long lasting relationships but can’t build them properly due to previous troubles (i.e past trauma) and those situations can be worse. Because you feel somewhat responsible for your current situation. Kind of like “maybe if this wasn’t a thing, I would have ___”.

I could probably have a laundry list of times where I realized I really was just so alone. But it’s not something I wanna get into, publicly on my blog. But even now, I don’t have any irl friends. The “city” I lived in for the last two years was all due to my ex. I moved BACK there to be with him and I didn’t like anyone there. I’ve moved back to where my college is and so now I have a chance but I don’t connect well with people either.

I don’t mean to make this about me, it’s more of me trying to show you that you’re not alone. Especially with something like this. All my friends today are online. And it does feel a little unfair, what’s special about me online that people haven’t seen in person, you know? It’s just something we kinda have to push through sometimes, even though it seems impossible or we have those days where realization just hits.

Potential friends can be anywhere, though!

I’m not sure if it’s any consolation but I’m your friend. You may be an anon for me but you’re an anon friend. And for now, we’re not super close and that’s completely fine! One day, you might feel confident enough to reveal yourself and we might get closer. Or maybe someone else online! Maybe you’ll find someone who’ll be besties with you for like ever. I mean, you never know, ten years down the line we could be having brunch at a cute little cafe talking about what our conversation today.

[misterbitches]

i feel like i’m watching two different shows and that is not a good thing.

there’s a world where consequences and real life exists converging with fake life when any of these illicit relationships make any sense at all beyond “men kissing” that isn’t really my point. the whole dynamic between muren and licheng is leaning towards making their own sort of like....idk romance girl idk what im saying. li cheng in the place being like “we can just be ourselves” and the way they interact and exist and HAVE SEX being their like...business not even that just like....u dont have to worry about what everyone else wants out of you in your rship in that way it’s just you two and you’re no one else. 

but then on the flipside is like the absurdity of conforming all these stupid patriarchal stereotypes and power imbalances that rest on these patriarchal ideas (the way they talked about what happened btwn yong jie and xing si) and like atp i know what to expect these people arent anarchists im not getting a complete story but outside of the sociopolitical shit it’s just simple fucking STORYTELLING. 

first of all i realized they fuck up the frame rate at certain points (on purpose like eslowing it down etc but i am p sure these are not in-camera effects) and it’s distracting, then some of the lighting, but WHATEVER. the acting is passable and the main couple is really engaging. flawed but engaging.

this just tells me they had two stories to tell and had no way to make it converge properly. like, muren and licheng can’t exist pretending this rship is okay and we’ve seen them talk about it. frankly i wouldn’t let yong jie around me ever and i would never forgive him not only as a best friend let’s say all of that was acceptable. but you punch me when you first meet me after stalking us because you’re upset? give me a fucking break. i can’t. this wouldn’t happen in real life unless the dudes are the worst fucking friends ever and total idiots. but they AREN’T. when licheng goes home after seeing xingsi he’s like “HOW CAN HE BE SO THOUGHTLESS”

like what realm are we living in. they don’t choose they’re like HERE THIS HAPPENS THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS don’t ask us to be concise or even think about it. the two stories are just jarring especially because of how fucking isolated this abysmal character is. you can’t integrate him into a friend group or even normal society because it would   be ridiculous. 

this isn’t just fantasy or escapism, which btw still has to be done well, it’s just like. stupidity lmao. this b plot just really fucks with the flow and i particularly hate how xing si moves back home; not the circumstances surrounding that. but like being in the same space in your house when things are confusing, when your parents acknowledge they messed up because they did, and having that idiot be there. now it’s like his two best friends, another really major and compelling part of the flimsy story, are sort of removed from this life. which whatever you know it just sucks

i can’t tell how i feel about the show over all. the really intrusive air of a character who simply does not need to exist and deserve to breathe air. along with the trite story of workplace problems (i honestly hate this trope because it’s not only lazy but it’s cringe-y oh my god but we can handle that bc main couple is very cute and that’s great.) 

however! still how useless a lot of this show is simply superfluous because of this lazily pulled together story  and just empty space the absolutely best part is  is mureng (wow im a genius i did a portmanteau but it was a mistake lmao) and they MIGHT be my fav couple out of htis fucking HELLSCAPE that is this confusing show i will talk about the good stuff in another post. 

[slinglouis]

august fic rec!

hi friends! these are my favorite fics that i read during july while avoiding studying for my mcat & i think you should all read this month! if you have a fic you want me to check out this month please let me know, i’m always looking for more!

black with autumn rain by whimsicule -  93k

“Thank you,” Geoff says, taking a sip of his tea. “What did you tell him?”

Louis has a sip as well, lets the tea burn down his throat too quickly, too hot, and he feels it all the way down to his stomach. “The truth. Essentially,” he replies after a moment, licking his lips, relishing the slightly bitter taste of the brew that’s never quite strong enough for Louis’ liking. At least it’s not decaf. “That my dog scented it. That I didn’t touch the body. That I came here first thing.”

Geoff nods pensively. “Did he believe you?”

“Probably not. There’s only so many people who can drown on dry land before it gets fishy.”

or: Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren't exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.

Oh Glory by alivingfire - 21k

Tomlinson looks Liam over, tilting his head. “Are you a swimmer as well?”

“Yeah,” Liam says, a little cautiously. Harry wonders if it’s Tomlinson’s fame or the unimpressed eyebrow that’s making Liam wary. “Distance, I’m doing the 1500m. Harry here’s a sprinter.”

“Ah,” says Tomlinson, turning his glinting eyes back to Harry. “So you’re not an endurance man.” A beat passes, and his grin grows, wide and filthy. "Shame."

Harry Styles is Team Great Britain's newest swimmer, and has spent his whole life training for this moment, a chance at the gold medal in the Rio 2016 Olympics. All his training, hard work, and dedication to no distractions is tested when he's assigned to the same Rio apartment as Louis Tomlinson, British gymnast and Harry's childhood crush.

Howls Like a Beast (You Flower, You Feast) by @indiaalphawhiskey​ - 17k

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

And down the long and silent street by whimsicule - 86k

The year is 1881 and if you’re alone in this world you might as well be dead, because starving dogs have no mercy.

Or: Wherein Louis and Harry are on the opposite ends of the social ladder, but their paths still cross on the filthy streets Louis calls his home. The odds are staked against them from the beginning, and even more when Louis' past finally catches up with him.

Run Like the Devil by benzos - 138k

Harry stops pouting, but his frown is still fixed in place. “Are you sure?” he asks. “You know it’s your soul you’re signing away.” He sounds…sad? No, that’s not right, but there’s something.

Christ. This is the most incompetent demon Louis’ ever met. If he hadn’t seen the red of his eyes he wouldn’t believe he was a demon at all. How’d he get this job if he isn’t trying to convince Louis to deal? Or is it just another trick? A ploy for sympathy?

“I’m sure,” Louis says. “Come over here and kiss me.”

*

Supernatural AU. Louis hunts demons; Harry's the strangest demon he's ever met, and he keeps fucking meeting him.

No Place Without You by @fackinglouis​ - 19k

Harry's in love with life and he's in love with the world.

Louis' in love with Harry and he doesn't think there's any way he can possibly compete.

A Wanderlust AU in which Harry doesn't have a permanent home and stays with Louis when he visits NYC.

Given a Chance by fabby - 170k

Five years after One Direction took their last tour, the last thing Louis Tomlinson ever expected to happen while on a tea run at the local Piggly Wiggly was to run into his ex-boyfriend and ex-bandmate Harry Styles.

The odds of them ever running into each other again had to be super slim, right?

Wrong.

What happens when you mix ex-boyfriends with a large serving of Small Town America? Will Louis and Harry be able to set aside their differences, or will Louis be able to stay breezy as fuck in the wake of Harry’s arrival?

(or, the one where Louis and Harry run into each other five years after One Direction ends and learn how to love each other again. Featuring: Reggie as the overweight labrador, Niall as Louis’ last grip on reality, and Nowheresville, North Carolina as the setting for Louis’ worst nightmare to come true.)

these bountiful silences by tommoandbambi - 123k

they live in a world where they can only say four words per day. harry meets some people that don't want to live that way.

we can only look behind by @hereforlou - 70k

His mum said there was no getting an idea out of his head once it was stuck in there and Harry thought she was right. It wasn’t like he did it on purpose - his ideas were just really sticky.

(Or, the one where Harry fixates through the years.)

Don’t Want Shelter by kingsofeverything - 77k 

Louis and Harry have known each other all their lives. Friends as children, they danced around each other as teenagers, and have spent the last twenty-five years either screaming at each other or not speaking at all. Except for that one time ten years ago…

When Hurricane Nicole threatens the coast, they end up stuck together in their families' old vacation home that they begrudgingly co-own.

During the storm, and in the months after, they’re both forced to reevaluate their history and what they mean to each other.

somewhere in between the lightning by jassy117, nauticalleeds, shiningdistractionwrites - 100k

As Louis took another bite, he thought back to how he had once believed that the hardest thing about being on Love Island would be Liam handling his social media. He had been wrong. It was Harry Styles, peeking over at Louis as he forked a pancake into his mouth, and gauging his reaction. It was having to quench the swelling of his heart, which felt simultaneously like hope and the breaking of a thousand pieces.r

A summer gone wrong (or very right) when, under Liam’s persuasion, Louis finds himself drunkenly applying for Love Island, and getting accepted. Oh, well. A summer spent on an island paradise couldn’t be all that bad, right?

Imagine his surprise when Louis arrives in sunny Majorca to find that his first love and ex-boyfriend, Harry, is another contestant, about to capture the hearts of everyone in the villa. Most normal people don’t have to face their ex on an otherwise straight TV show. Most normal people don’t fall for their ex again in front of the whole nation, either. Too bad this whole situation isn’t normal.

special mention bc an epilogue was added and this is one of my fav fics of all time: Collision by @tequiladimples (itjustkindahappened) - 225k

Mythology/Fairytale!AU in which Louis is a dainty fairy with a temper who wants to be intimidating and Harry hurts people. Naturally, they hate each other.

(Featuring Liam, the big and not-so-bad wolf who’s got a thing for humans, Zayn, a human with supernaturally good looks, and Niall, the cupid who just wants his job to be easier.)

[trashinaglass-archive]

Movie Star

Y/n is sick of Tom thinking he’s the shit

Request: Hi can I request kinda an angsty imagine kinda based on when Tom said was talking about his dad and acting like a “movie star”, and basically he says something really pretentious to the reader about how important he is and he is taking the fame to his head, and she gets upset and he realizes he messed up. Thank you loads :)

A/n: I’m here for the angst. I hope it’s good bc this is a good concept

Tom was the best boyfriend you could’ve ever asked for. Kind, loving, understanding, and grounded- the latter being the most important to you. You felt the responsibility of keeping him grounded laid on you; you were the one he cared about most. The opinion he cared about the most.

You didn’t really worry with a few comments he made- he was hardworking in a career that didn’t allow him much privacy. Of course he’d get angry from time to time, act like an asshole every now and then, but it was when it turned from mean comments toward others to praiseful comments toward himself than you began to get really worried about him.

“I just want a girlfriend. I’m tired of being single,” Sam groaned as you and the brothers were sat in a bar.

“Look, bro- all we need is for someone to recognize me, and you’re golden,” Tom suggested.

You raised an eyebrow at the comment, “or you can be yourself and find a girl that likes you for who you are.”

“I’m just saying, I’m kind of a big deal,” he said, shrugging his shoulders making you roll your eyes.

“Calm down, movie star,” you told him, the word rolling off your tongue with disgust. Tom immediately shut down, sipping his beer quietly as you continued to talk to Sam.

Hearing the words come out of his mouth pissed you off endlessly. You wanted nothing more than for him to create something he’s proud of, to feel proud of himself, but you needed him to be humble about it as well. You were sure that he had brought himself back, no ridiculous comments to follow for a while, but lo and behold, amidst the recent film reviews, he found himself excited again.

You were currently driving home after a long meeting in London, answering the phone when Tom called.

“Hey, gorg,” you answered.

“Hey- how long are you going to be before you get back?” He asked, sounding excited about something.

“Um,” you said softly, glancing at the clock. “25 maybe? If traffic stays good. What’s up?”

“I was out today, shopping with Harrison and Tuwaine, and I saw something that I think you’ll really love,” he told you.

You let out a sigh hearing his words. “Tom, as much as I love you and your gifts, it’s getting to be a bit much,” you tried to break it to him gently. He’d ‘been out shopping and gotten something for you’ just about every day for a week and a half now. Maybe it would be okay if they were simple five dollar gifts, but they cost hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars. You never were the one to tell people how they should spend their money, but it was getting to be crazy.

“What do you mean?”

“Tom, you’re spending way to much money on gifts for me. I don’t need a new piece of jewelry every day,” you explained to him. “I appreciate that you think of me like that, but don’t waste your money on these gifts for me when you could use it for so many other things.”

“You’re not even going to ask what it is?” He replied, his voice sounding hurt or angry.

“No because I’m scared of what you’d tell me. For all I know it’ll be £10,000, and I can’t even fathom you spending that on me.” The line went quiet as the words came out of your mouth. The silence making your heart sink. “Tom, tell me you didn’t spend ten grand on a piece of jewelry.”

More silence, making your heart sink even further. “No,” he said quietly, causing your suspicion rise.

“How much did it cost?” You asked him, wanting to know the final verdict.

“Love, it’s not the price that matters,” he tried to reason.

“No, tell me, Tom. Stop fucking stalling.”

He let out a breath, knowing you were going to be upset, “thirty-five.”

“Grand?” You asked for confirmation, your jaw dropping. Tom let out a quiet ‘mhm’ to answer that your fear was indeed correct. “Thomas Stanley-“

“Y/n, it’s fine! I wouldn’t be buying you things if I couldn’t afford it,” he defended himself. Part of him wanted to be mad that you weren’t jumping for joy, but the other part of him just wanted you to understand it isn’t hurting him financially. “I’m fucking Spider-Man- I get paid more in a day than normal people get in an entire year. I have so much money, I could buy you the entire city if you wanted it. Have you seen the expensive fucking suits I’ve been wearing? The watches? I’m not broke- buying that £35,000 bracelet was nothing to me. I’m probably the richest person in Kingston right now, you ought to be happy about that.”

You bit your lip, not believing what he’d actually said. “No one gives a shit how much money you make, movie star. I sure as hell don’t, fucking dick.” You could hear Tom yell out as you hung up the phone, turning it off and throwing it in the floorboard of your car. You pulled the car off the side of the road, placing your head on the steering wheel and letting out a good, long cry.

You don’t know what happened to your sweet boyfriend, the one that wasn’t obsessed with money, but you wanted him back dearly. You weren’t sure what was going on in Tom’s thick skull, but you were certain. If he couldn’t get his act together, you weren’t going to stick around for it. You didn’t sign up for any of that.

Once your eyes dried, you started the car again and continued on your route home- going to your place rather than Tom’s like you two had originally planned. Sleeping and being by yourself was all you wanted at the moment.

When you woke up, you found yourself in your cold living room early in the morning. You decided to check your mailbox since you didn’t yesterday, finding a particularly heavy envelope, and hurried inside to open it.

Inside lay the bracelet, a receipt, and a note from Tom. It was a pretty bracelet, you had to admit. With diamonds surrounding the outside of it. It definitely was your taste in jewelry, but not £35k worth.

I wanted to say this all in person, but knowing you, I probably won’t see you in person for a while. I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry for being a dick. I’m sorry for being a ‘movie star’ and properly acting like one. I don’t mean to be obsessed with how much I get paid. I plan on working to keep myself grounded. I feel like you constantly do so much for me, I need you to know just how much I love you for it. I guess buying gifts is my love language, but you’re right. I’ll try to do better on what I get you and how much I spend.

As you’ve probably seen, I left the receipt in this envelope along with the bracelet. Keep it if you like, but I figure you’d want to return it. Do whatever you want with the money, you’re obviously the more responsible one and know how to handle it. I love you so much, y/n. I would trade all the money in the world for you to be happy. Nothing compares to what I feel when I see you smile, and I hope I didn’t just fuck up everything we have. Call me when you’re ready- and preferably not angry with me anymore :)

You bit your lip, looking at the bracelet and receipt. You almost didn’t even want to touch the thing, appalled by how expensive it was. Sure you liked pretty things every now and then, but you were a simple person and a bracelet that costs more than your flat and your car combined just didn’t belong on your wrist.

You put the receipt and the bracelet back in the envelope, slipping it in your purse and heading out the door.

. . .

“Y/n!” Tom exclaimed as he saw you walk through the front door. He didn’t expect to see you today, but he was more than excited by your presence. Without a word, you handed him a stack of papers. “What are these?” He asked, looking at them confused.

“Thank you letters for your generous donations- £7,000 to five different charities,” you told him. “I don’t care if you want to spend your money, but just keep in mind that there are people out there that aren’t as fortunate as you that can use that money for more productive reasons than looking pretty.

“Tom, I love you, and I hate to break it to you, but you are only special to so many people. Myself, your family, your fans, but that’s it. No cop thinks you’re special, no doctor or nurse thinks you’re special, no lawyer or judge thinks you’re special. That room full of actors at the Oscars could care less who you are because you aren’t them. I don’t give a shit how talented or hot or rich you are because that’s all superficial. Years from now, you won’t have that. But you will always have your heart. Don’t let it become corrupt because you can’t see past the pretty things.”

Tom nodded as you spoke, taking in every word like his life depended on it- which, to him, it probably did. It sucked having to be the person to say such harsh words to Tom, but it had to be done. The thought of losing your sweet boy to a fame driven and egotistical world was the biggest fear you’d ever felt.

“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“How about ‘I won’t act like vain, dickhole movie star again’? Or ‘I understand that I’m not the shit’? ‘I’m just as special as my ‘broke, normal’ girlfriend’?” You offered. Tom visibly sucked a breath, his jaw clinching. “You realize I’m that person you called out? That ‘normal person’ that makes in a year what you make in a single day? I’ve never been so insulted, and it was from my own boyfriend’s mouth that I had to hear that from. I’m sorry I’m not cool enough to be an actor and play pretend in a Spider-Man costume, but I can assure you that even though I make less than a quarter of what you make, I am still on your level. My broke ass is just as important as your arrogant, rich one. And I need you to pull that stick out of your ass so you can see who you’re dealing with because you are not going to belittle me like that again.”

“I didn’t mean to,” he whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. He didn’t realize just how severe the situation was; he was so concerned about himself, he didn’t even realize he was insulting the love of his life. He could hear the hurt behind the anger in your voice, and it broke his heart knowing he was the cause of it. “I’m such an asshole,” he mumbled, more to himself than to you, running through his hair.

“Yeah you are,” you said with a humorless laugh, turning to walk away.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked, his voice pitiful.

“No,” you looked at him again. “But you need to take some time to realize some things, and I need some time to cool off. We have dinner plans with your parents tomorrow- fix your shit before then.” You turned again, walking out of his flat. 

Taglist: @lucychg @yourwonderbelle @rageyoudamnednerd​ @maliburumofficial @cutiepiemimi13 @happywolves81 @lifeandloveandhappiness @madeinthemidnightmemories @castellandiangelo @meaganjm @spnobsessedmemes @h-oneyholland @babylsn​ @harrydesires​ @xxtomxo (add yourself here)

[firebirdsdaughter]

Okay…

… I feel very bitter right now.

But I am going to be eternally frustrated by the fact that as far as I could tell, Aruto’s (and therefore Izu’s) definition of ‘heart’ was ‘happy making humans happy.’

Or… ‘Seeing that humans are ultimately good’?

Really, just… I define a heart as ‘feeling emotions.’ Feeling emotions is useless unless you know how to handle them, which Horobi didn’t, and no one seemed at all invested in teaching him how. Just made him feel worse and worse, pressured him about something that terrified him and pushed him over the edge, and then a human who really should have known better went and grabbed the fucking Ark Key??? Like. Horobi’s somehow completely at fault for Izu pestering him until he lashed out like any emotionally immature child or even animal would and then she doesn’t move out of the way even though she easily could have, but Aruto grabbing the psycho Key and going nutty is ‘totally understandable bc grief.’

For one thing, wtf would Horobi believe Izu’s nonsense, she’s programmed to love and obey Aruto, and she never develops anywhere past that. He knows she’d say anything to save her beloved master. She has no identity out of ‘exists to serve Aruto and occasionally be cutesy.’ Listen, Takahashi, you need to work on your female characters when you resurrect one w/ no memory and she’s exactly the same.

My lack of sympathy for Izu’s ‘death’ is bc it could easily have been prevented by multiple other people even if Horobi did literally nothing different, and bc literally nothing was lost. If any of the humans had actually used that compassion they sing to the skies about, you know, like, the fact that they have years of practice knowing how to feel and control emotions. I’m sorry but, ‘did you feel Izu’s pain?’ Well, first off, no, bc she didn’t seem pained at all, she just kinda stood there parroting Aruto’s bs, but… What about feeling Horobi’s pain? Or… Was Izu being ‘sad’ Horobi didn’t magically forgive humanity for everything they put him through and took from him more important than him having being mind raped, controlled, conditioned, and abused for twelve years? ‘I believe in your heart’ you mean you ‘believe’ he’s going to magically switch around and conform to your views that humans are ultimately good and anything bad they do can be excused bc they teach you about ‘hearts’? Meanwhile, none of her memories changed her at all. She gazes lovingly at Aruto, she participates in his jokes… There was pretty much nothing to her other than ‘loves Aruto.’ Her character fell into the trap of KR’s general attitude toward female characters that they exist to be pure angels who unfailingly believe in the hero and the series’ attitude toward AI, that the definition of ‘goodness’ for them is completely devotion to humans and unrealistic purity and benevolence.

The question should never have been ‘will AI have benevolence towards humans’ but ‘do humans deserve it?’ ‘what can we do to justify that?’ Why do HumaGear have to ‘prove their worth’ and ‘teach humans to be nice to them’ but humans don’t have to… Like… Know how to be decent? Aruto’s sympathies and dreams for HumaGear were exclusively rooted in how they benefitted humans. He expects the ‘hearts’ they develop to be completely ‘pure’ and ‘benevolent’ even if humanity has given them no reason to be so.

Horobi was the most aware of how horrible the Ark was. Everything he did, he did bc he was conditioned to believe it was right for HumaGear. Bc he saw the cruelty of humanity, and wanted to protect his people from it. He was conditioned/programmed to react w/ absolutes and extremes. He didn’t turn on the Ark bc he realised humans were actually ‘good’ he did it bc she turned on HumaGear, and he fought bc he loved HumaGear. His love for HumaGear, for Jin, was stronger than her control. That was it.

But he also knew that she was created by humans. Deliberately. It doesn’t matter that Gai had a personality one eighty bc the satellite printed him a dog and Aruto’s only for humans AI therapist talked to him for a hot minute. This shit doesn’t work like that, Gai should be at least facing jail time for his part in things. Yotacrappy’s response was to manipulated Jin into trying to kill him as a sacrifice, even after the Ark was out of the picture. Not a single person reacted w/ ‘maybe we should give this poor AI who has literally had his entire mind and life fucked over by humans and has no reason to like us a bit of kindness and support to help deal w/ the emotions he’s suddenly feeling.’ Izu’s speech was kinda close, but the tone was ultimately ‘she’s right and he’s wrong.’ The attitude shouldn’t be that ‘humans can sometimes be beneficial, so that makes the wrong they do okay.’ The fact that they tried to pretend that even the most twisted humans were ‘actually just misguided’ was ridiculous.

Horobi’s suffering was real and valid, and deserved recognition beyond ‘lol, but humans are actually nice, tho.’ He was scared and confused, but no one was trying to help him through that, they were just belittling the very valid reasons he had to be angry at humans. Rather than being like ‘I understand you’re angry and in pain and those are valid feelings, but there’s a better way to do this’ the response was either aggression or ‘no, you’re wrong, they teach us to want them to be happy and to dream or serving them well!’ (pretty much what Aruto’s definition of ‘good HumaGear’ seemed to be). And then even the people who should understand the most how her feels act like he’s spreading a ‘shocking’ and ‘bad’ thought by offering HumaGear a chance to stand up for themselves. I really hate how the protests were treated as Horobi spreading ‘malice’ to the HuamGear and all conveniently disappeared when Aruto ‘won.’

Again. The Frozen quote is eternally accurate for Aruto’s ‘dream.’ ‘It’ll be just like it was except for we’ll be best friends.’

Aruto’s dream was never equality or freedom for HumaGear. What he wanted was for them to go back to work for humans w/ smiles painted on their faces to make humans happy. HumaGear’s meaning in life shouldn’t be to ‘be useful to humans.’ I wasn’t expecting the ending to be ‘everything is okay now,’ but I was under the impression that there would be some kind of motion toward HumaGear getting some rights and protections or respect by virtue of being, like, living beings rather than needing to work and be ‘useful’ to justify their existence. Aruto is very face value, he thinks that the programmed personalities humans give HumaGear are their ‘true natures’ when they’re not, they’re just a starting point. They need to branch out. The fact that Izu’s entire life just revolved around benefiting Aruto made it hard to sympathise w/ her in place of the more interesting and dynamic characters. The fact that Aruto tries to claim HumaGear are his ‘employees’ when the definition of that word literally is ‘someone who works for a wage’ and people pay his company to get HumaGear to work for them and he delivers them to people in boxes… It’s just ridiculous. They shouldn’t have to just be ‘perfect pure forgiving little angels’ just bc humans made them and occasionally are nice to them? Izu’s data was just as biased as Horobi’s, they should have met in the middle rather than her being painted as ‘right’ and ‘good’ for only thinking of humans as good.

Yes, Horobi should have responded w/ violence, but literally no one even tried to put real effort into showing him other ways to react, or to help him through what happened to him. They either shouted at him, put him down, invalidated his suffering (admittedly bc she was just as out of balance maturity-wise as he was), or outright tried to kill him. Any child or animal will lash out when stressed or panicked. It is the responsibility of the people w/ more awareness to know what they’re dealing w/ and act accordingly. Izu knew he was armed, she saw the weapon pointed at her, she had plenty of time to move, and choose not to. That was not Horobi’s fault. It also wasn’t Horobi’s fault that humans decided to not give her a back up to benefit themselves. How was he even supposed to know that? Where was Aruto? Why was he running around outside trying to make the other HumaGear go back to his definition of ‘normal,’ while telling them there’s ‘no reason to fight anymore,’ which really should be their decision??? If he really cared and wanted to help Horobi and saw HumaGear as people, wouldn’t he have run in and tried to properly talk Horobi down? Then we have Yua’s hypocrisy of reacting aggressively to Horobi and them giving a speech to Yotacrappy for reacting the exact same way to the protests. And then Fuwa literally shooting down the one time Horobi genuinely tried to reach out… While kinda in character… Definitely did not help. Horobi was never in a place to parse out implications.

Basically, they pushed Horobi over the edge, then blamed him for being broken. Meanwhile, they have all sorts of ‘compassion’ and ‘understanding’ for Aruto and it’s ‘not his fault’ bc ‘grief.’ The attitude that Horobi’s suffering at the hands of the Ark was less important than Aruto’s trained AI letting herself get shot? The fact that Horobi, however horribly they influenced him to think he was completely at fault, was willing to ‘forgive’ humans for everything he suffered through bc of them… Is much more compassion than Aruto ever showed him.

Horobi had every right to be angry w/ humans and blame them for their part in what he went through. And humans never admitted responsibility for that, and never apologised to him.

But he’s supposed to need forgiveness from them?

[orbitcd]

so i’ve explained this privately, but strap up a bit bc it’s gonna be a lil bit of sad hours, not like raph isn’t constantly sad in life SDIUHGJ

when raphael was created, he was created not too long after michael and lucifer, and shortly after gabriel would be created, they are themain four and the four archangels people recognize most. really, no matter what verse it’s in, his main verse or makai - it doesn’t change the fact that these angels are warriors, generals and essentially emotionless. they’re very apathetic and unaffected by emotions like he is, and for a while, it was only those four, and their creator. 

raphael felt very... uncomfortable, and that is a nice way of saying it. he felt very out of place, like he didn’t belong and something was wrong with him. michael, though lighthearted at times, would be ruthless most times and pick on raphael. he was called a crybaby and poked at a lot. it didn’t really help the way he felt, it would only make him feel worse. he would get as angry as much as he was upset. raphael cries when he’s angry, too, it’s awful. he’s a mess. but if he noticed someone was upset or hurt, he would feel it, and being that young and clueless, he didn’t understand why, didn’t understand that he was made like this for a reason. all he knew is that he was hurting too, and it was too much for such a young angel. this lead to anxieties he had and sometimes still suffers with. 

he DID NOT like flying at first, which is funny since he loves it so much now and no one can ever get him out of the skies when he isn’t working. but, he hated it. he could watch the other three, but he absolutely refused to partake in it. it eventually lead to some atrophying of his wings until their all-father took the time to teach him and was patient with him throughout the process. he gained muscle in his back and arms before taking to trying to learn how to fly. for a while, he was only gliding, and even then landing was terrible and he was crashing into a lot of things. being a late bloomer to flying also made him feel uncertain of his belonging and he felt more like a mistake, he felt ashamed. 

it took him to being mentally older to understand why he was created this way. that he was created to be a healer to humans, to take care of their physical illnesses and injuries along with their mental illnesses. he understood, but he still felt like the odd-one out for a while around the other three. he even hid away from them a lot when he was younger, he simply felt inferior --- something he still suffers with even now. though, he has become more accepting of his emotions and how hard they are to control, especially when he becomes overstimulated by others’ emotions. he understands that, maybe not for angels, but for everything else that had been created by their all-father, this was a very normal process. it was normal to ride through the waves of emotions and that some days were better than others, and some days were worse than others. 

he still takes sting if he is pushed down for his emotions though. if you tell him he’s being way too influenced by his emotions, he gets very ANGRY at that. it’s the equivalent of telling him to calm down when he’s already pissed off. he’d rather listen to rational emotions than to simply listen to laws that are unjust and unfair. though, he will admit at times he CAN be overbearing with his emotions, but he will actually KNOW when he’s crossed a line and he will apologize for it either almost immediately, or after he’s taken some time to calm down and blow off some steam.

using his emotions against him is basically a big no-no because he can and WILL prove to you that he can work just fine and as heartless as you expect him to. it basically brings up the anxieties of “i don’t belong” and feeling like some sort of mutant creation that shouldn’t have been made. he will shut down and be as apathetic as you want him to be, but he will make your life a living hell doing so until you apologize to him, and he won’t take an “i’m sorry” no. for once he wants you to get on your knees and APOLOGIZE properly to him. you can’t do that? then your apology is null and void to him. 

he’s worked all his life to take care of himself and accept that he is okay the way he is, and he isn’t going to let some bastard ruin it because they can’t handle the way he works.

[sovonight]

my other take on a gf dating sim concept would look like this:

dipper's been introducing ford to video games, starting w pokemon, but ford's not really into consoles so they’ve moved to pc games. ford's on this game journey with dipper partly bc he loves his nephew, partly bc he wants to be "with it," and partly bc he wants to prove that he has a perfectly good handle on this modern day "personal computer" business. anyway ford's yet to find a game that Really Appeals to him so dipper (& mabel) have gathered a bunch of disc games which were like, exclusively from the clearance/sale section of the game store because they're still on discs (and they have to be on disks bc there’s no internet). among them is barbie horse adventures, tetris, one of those collections of "a thousand" games, and romance academy 6, the predecessor to romance academy 7.

dip and mab drop off their small collection at ford's side and leave the room to go get snacks or something. you've been watching this game journey w ford so you're in the room too for the entertainment value. while they're gone, you and ford talk a bit and you get distracted going through the disc pile. during this ford installs romance academy 6, because-- uh,, he was going through them systematically? he was installing them absentmindedly? he was like "time to beat stanley at romance by taking this educational computer course"? whatever the reason, he boots it up and dipper comes back into the computer room at that moment and is like OH NO GRUNKLE FORD and the screen shines a BRIGHT white and with the sound of a power outage, fwooooosh cut to darkness when the lights come up, you're in gakuen high, alone. you wander around the japanese high school and find soos and the kids, who are fine but in school uniforms bc you're all trapped in the game! oh no! you come to the conclusion that since soos is there too, everyone in the shack got uploaded, so stan and ford should be in the game somewhere. the four of you agree to split up and find them.

you go around opening every single door and keep finding completely empty classrooms until you finally come upon one w ford, cleaning off the chalkboard. he's in a button up shirt w sleeves rolled up to his elbows, sweater vest, and trousers w obvious chalk dust marks on the sides like he routinely absentmindedly brushes the dust off his hands there. as you talk to him (starting with "ford our brains have been uploaded to the machine we have to get out" which would normally get him moving) it becomes clear that he seems to think he's a high school teacher, and that he doesn't know what you're talking about (you do learn his blood type and favorite hobby though). worried and frustrated after being dismissed by ford (he basically said he had to get his lesson plan ready for tomorrow so scram) and unable to find stan, you regroup with soos and the kids outside.

just as the four of you are trading info, who should interrupt you but stan! he shows up to, of all things, tell you guys to get back to class. after 4 surprised exclamations and overlapping questioning, he seems to be under the same mind-spell ford is bc he thinks he's the principal, and that the summer the kids stayed with him has passed (it's the start of the school year in-game). he tells soos and the kids that they shouldn't expect special treatment just 'cause they're family-- he's still the principal and he's got a school to run. he sends them off to class and turns to you like "and what're you doing out here, you're my assistant!" and leads you to the office. turns out you man the front desk right outside stan's principal's office, but also act as teacher assistant as needed-- the game can’t seem to place you (ultimately bc you don’t exist in the gf universe in the first place).

you take an uneasy seat at the front desk and who should come over but giffany (who looks the same as the romance academy 7 version of herself, but with blue hair)! she's class president, and in this game it comes w a lot of sway, bc it also lets her walk out of class for no reason to come threaten you. turns out that giffany's goal is to make the dating sim experience even more realistic by uploading everyone in town to the game to study human behavior. but, since soos & the kids have encountered giffany in romance academy 7 (and bc you knew abt the experience), her brain assimilation process didn't work completely on the four of you and you remember the world outside the game. she’s not too fond of you breaking the immersion of the game, and basically tells you to roleplay or else. based on giffany's talk, you figure out that the only way to restore stan and ford's connection with reality is by dating one of them. once dated, stan or ford-- whichever you chose-- will be able to singlehandedly get his twin to snap out of it (somehow).

anyway you have to date, perform your role in the game, try to help soos, dipper, and mabel (involving side quests that modify your rating w stan and ford), and try to avoid giffany's sabotage attempts (shutting down the ui, corrupting dialogue, changing the time and date so that it’s a school holiday, etc). giffany's first sabotage attempt is impossible to thwart, and on the second, the game starts working properly again midway through and soos pops up and is like "hey i was passing by and noticed it broke so i fixed it!" so he’s able to help on any sabotage attempts after that. (giffany herself doesn’t like overly game-altering tactics like that bc it affects immersion, and often turns to introducing last minute events or arbitrary tasks instead.) you live in a house of which you only ever see your own room, and your neighbors are soos, dip, and mab, who you can see through the windows of your room. you're all placed in this narrow setting that clearly wasn’t designed for 4 people presumably bc the game only has one setting for the home area (limited bg illustrations) and you guys have to live somewhere. stan and ford live at the principal's house, which has a single bg illustration (the entryway/living room) so you only ever see that part of the house. i only mention this to show giffany was doing her best to be immersive even w limited art assets -> that’s how important the game experience is to her -> that’s why she’s the unwavering villain of the game

at the very end of the game, it turns out that neither dip nor mab chose romance academy 6 for the pile, it just... ended up there. mysteriously. also, p.s., restoring stan and ford was a requirement to exit bc you need to know that this is a simulation in order to see the main menu to click "quit"

[vrainsrewatch]

episode 19 thoughts

this is... the most screenshot heavy post i’ve made so far, lmao, so please bear with me. as i’ve said, this is one of my favorite duels, and there’s a lot that gets covered here. like, seriously, i haven’t written this post out yet but i can guarantee this will be my longest so far lmao.

the beginning of the episode starts off fairly standard, and mostly dueling:

i really do love the pacing of this duel. i was glued to the edge of my seat while watching these episodes. i remember it so clearly, too, because i’d been binge watching from episode 16 that day, and got to like, 24 by the time i stopped, lmao.

ai does a lot of cute/funny stuff this episode, to help break up some of the more dark tones of the rest of it, like this:

it really makes me miss hi in this form :( i really like his soltis form, don’t get me wrong, but i miss him on yusaku’s wrist lol. i would say when things were less angsty, but, well. lmao.

we very quickly get akira’s rad boss monster summoned out:

and seriously, i just love the animation for it. it’s so sick. the door, the fire, how it looms behind him at first.... aaaaaa. so cool.

and of course the classic:

the worst part about this line is it’s said so often (esp in arc v LOL) that i actually. have slipped up and said it in normal, day to day conversation before. my boyfriend looked at me for like a minute and gave me the deepest sigh i’ve ever heard the first time i did that pff.

also:

i couldn’t not screencap this, given what my blog is for LOL

every time something reminds me of that painful final duel, i have to screencap it and make you guys sad with me. if i have to be sad seeing all this stuff, knowing where their relationship goes and how the series ends, so do you.

also, though, i forgot how often this was brought up before the bohman duel lmao. it makes that theory look a lot more credible, so it’s cool that it had all these little hints towards it, even if it ultimately wasn’t true.

seriously, my heart. i don’t think i need to talk much about this scene to make y’all sad, but really. they went from this to i loved you. ugh, god, i’m so sad thinking about it lmao.

there is so much to talk about between akira and playmaker and even blue angel in this episode, so i guess we’ll start here.

it is hard to decide that you want to take control of your trauma and do something about it. it is not easy. to see yusaku fight for that right so thoroughly is incredible, and really, really validating.

more sadness! seriously, this is too much. this deck was created specifically for him by ai. i don’t like this anymore lmao

but even besides that, often times the protag’s decks mean a lot to them, obviously, but i love that it wasn’t built strictly by yusaku. his cards were literally made by ai, and i think that’s such a cool twist. 

but then, akira’s speech:

i talked last time about akira wanting to handle things himself, and i briefly touched on him thinking he knows best...

but i really admire how calm yusaku stays at that tbh. he gets angry, reasonably so imo, but he takes this so well. i know i was a much more volatile kid then he is, so respect lol

i’ve spoken at length already about akira, but i also want to talk again about how oblivious he is. he is so blinded by his own thoughts and feelings on the situation that he doesn’t stop to think about how yusaku might be feeling -- and worse, honestly, how his sister might be feeling.

it was why he was so visibly shocked when emma mentioned a few episodes ago that aoi wasn’t just a little kid anymore. it’s so clear that he still, at the moment, sees her as the six year old girl he swore to protect, and not the sixteen year old person she’s become. he doesn’t think about how she might be feeling towards his actions, or why she does what she does.

this is highlighted as early as episode 6 iirc, when he asks her why aren’t you happy? as much as i, personally, dislike his character, i can’t deny it’s very realistic and well written.

speaking of aoi:

i love how she’s written in this episode, too. but her entrance here is great, and i love how she stands up to him about this. it’s minor, but it’s still a good step. when she’s blue angel -- or blue girl, or blue maiden -- she feels comfortable doing that. at least a little, and it obviously grows throughout the series. i hope that transfers over to the real world for her, too.

and then, we finally get the full story:

i remember flinching when he started talking about it, remembering the shots of yusaku getting electrocuted from his duel with revolver.

i really love this. i said it last episode, but vrains handles yusaku’s trauma so realistically and it’s amazing.

i remember originally staring open mouthed at my tv screen while this part played. we got a bit of it from the other episode, but the full context truly shocked me. where’s that post that says “who thought this was an acceptable backstory to give to a card game protag” bc honestly??? YEAH

it’s still hard to watch. it’s still hard to see play out, even if it’s only fiction. even though i’ve seen these clips so many times, and written about them in detail a few times too. doesn’t matter lol. watching it in context actually still made my stomach drop.

which leads me to talk about reactions to this, actually:

the two that vrains focuses heavily on are blue angel’s and kusanagi’s, and they contrast really well here imo.

blue angel’s is a normal reaction. it’s horrified, both at the thought of it happening and at the fact that someone would actually do that to another person -- a six year old child, no less.

kusanagi’s is strained. he is angry hearing about this, thinking about jin. we’ve been told, and have seen in the last few episodes, how much the lost incident impacted kusanagi and his brother, but i really love that the show tells us that here, too, and shows the difference between hearing about a tragedy and being involved in some manner.

i did not expect it at all when first watching vrains, and honestly, it still impresses me how gracefully they handled it coming off of arc v (cough, shun i love you but really cough cough). no hate on arc v at all, it’s my third favorite ygo very close behind gx, but the difference between the two on how they handle these things is staggering.

this whole section makes me thing that ryoken talked to yusaku fairly often, after the first time. which is something i don’t see brought up often? but that’s so important imo. it meant that yusaku had someone encouraging him not just once or twice, but on the regular, but also it meant that ryoken was constantly risking himself to comfort that child. 

we don’t see too much of ryoken when he’s a kid, but we do see him scared and crying over the lost incident. the fact that he was able to talk calmly to this child so many times is really amazing. it also makes more sense as to why ryoken feels so guilty over calling the police -- he probably felt that maybe if he had just kept up his encouragement, the kids would’ve all gotten out okay and his father wouldn’t be in a coma. 

this was so powerful. it’s obvious, and i think anyone with half a brain would understand that the LI isn’t something that a kid would recover from easily, but i love this anyways. 

he wasn’t saved. and even if he was in body, it’s still something he and all the other victims will live with for the rest of their lives.

this also is something i don’t feel like people bring up enough, but does this mean that yusaku went around asking the kids at the hospital when he was rescued? it’s not hard to believe they were all put together, at least for a short amount of time, but it’s still something i feel like people overlook. 

i also love this, because it’s nice foreshadowing to how revolver feels. he’s not captured, not like yusaku and the lost kids were, but he is a prisoner. and just like ryoken saved yusaku, way back then, he is determined to repay the favor.

not just because of that, either. because that voice meant so much to him. because that voiced saved him. because that voice understood him, and was there for him in his hardest moments. god i love them.

i love this shot. it’s so dramatic, how the match the drum beats with flashes of everyone’s reactions.

but it drives home his point, and while i know most of akira’s development came through emma and aoi, i’m sure this helped, too. 

i’ve sung vrains praises this entire post, but i’ll do it again -- this is incredible. this is so realistic. it’s so well portrayed. and it’s really honest to god incredible that we got a protag in ygo who was shown going to therapy. 

ygo has always dealt with some pretty dark subject matter, and it’s never really been shy about showing it on screen. i’m not saying that at all. arc v obviously dealt with some pretty heavy stuff, and while i haven’t seen zexal (keep shaming me please) i know it does, too. 5ds obviously has the dark signer arc, and the later arcs concerning bruno and also yusei’s father, and gx has... well, it’s entire third and fourth season. 

but we see everyone healing via card games. we see those shows talk about these things, but kind of at the same time, skirt around the subject matter; or if they do go deep into it, they pull out (ie 5ds) or the characters don’t get resolved properly (ie arc v). 

idk where i was going with this but i just really love that this happened, this was shown on screen, and they stuck to yusaku’s character. they didn’t just... up and make his trauma and his world view disappear at the end. he has a bittersweet ending, but it suited him and his development. a lot of people were mad about it, and i get it -- i wanted him to be happy, too.

but that’s not always the case, and it’s really important to me that vrains doesn’t pretend it is.

anyways, though, i’m almost done with this episode i promise lmao. before the episode ends, we get this:

and i think it’s honestly kind of cruel that akira says this, after everything, and still maintains his point of handling it himself. he has heard, first hand now, how horrible the incident has scarred yusaku for life. and yet, he still is stubborn in refusing to relate or at the very least empathize.

what i mean by that, since we obviously see him attempt to last episode, is he refuses to look at it from someone’s else’s perspective or in a way that might make him uncomfortable. the way my boyfriend describes these kinds of people is that they “haven’t had their bubble popped”.

everyone has a bubble when they’re born, and that bubble shields you from realizing that the world is a cruel and hard place. even if you go through hardships, sometimes your bubble stays put, and you think that is the worst of what can happen. 

i’m explaining this very poorly, because i’m running on not much sleep and i’ve been typing about this episode for like, far, far too long, but essentially, he refuses to step out of his comfort zone and recognize, in playmaker’s case, that he doesn’t have a right to interfere and that playmaker’s desire to handle it himself is justified and helpful for his healing. and in aoi’s case, that just because he does a lot of good for her doesn’t automatically mean ignoring her for work and keeping her locked in their house is an okay trade off. and also that she’s not a child anymore -- she’s nearly an adult and she deserves to be treated as one. 

those thoughts seem to unsettle him. you can kind of see it in how detached he is after hearing all that come from playmaker. blue angel is visibly shaken up by what he’s said. akira doesn’t even flinch, because he’s not really listening right now. 

i’m glad he learns to, or at least learns how to start, later on.

anyways, i think that’s enough for this post lmao. this took forever to type up, so let’s hope i actually have time to cover up to 21 here today LOL. if you read all that, thank you for your time on my kind of dumb vrains thoughts :’)

[queen-scribbles]

My Lucky Day

For @pillarspromptsweekly fill 97. My Roll for It elements: Edér, modern AU, and meet-cute bc I wouldn’t be me if I passed up the chance to write an Ederity meet-cute. :D

--

Normally the two o’clock hour was the most boring part of Charity’s shift. Most people were either still at work or just starting to commute home, Not many chose that time slot to pursue pet adoption(or even just looking). Normally at this point she’d be folding scrap paper footballs and seeing how far she could flick them down the counter, or finding an excuse to play with or love on one of the animals the shelter housed.

But not today. Today someone hadn’t properly latched one of the kennels and a certain hyperactive yellow lab had gleefully seized the opportunity to escape. Thus, Charity’s two o’clock hour so far had been spent chasing down chaos incarnate, trying to minimize the mess he made and not having much luck. Of course he fishtailed around a corner, his tail wagging so ferociously it knocked supplies off the shelf. Of course Xoti had forgotten to lock the dog door(again), and he bolted into the yard--straight for the mud puddle in the back corner. Of course she missed trying to grab him on the way back in and wound up chasing a trail of mud all through the shelter. (Thank Eothas the door between the shelter and clinic was too heavy for a year old lab to push open on his own.) She finally cornered the dog in a dead end hallway and bribed him with treats until he was close enough to collar.

“Bad dog,” she scolded, heart not fully in it despite the work ahead of her cleaning up. “You made quite the mess.”

He looked up at her, gave a whining bark, and planted muddy paws against her thigh to put him in better range for head pets.

“Sunny, down,” Charity said, gentle but firm. That was something they were trying to train out of him before he was adopted. “C’mon, you need a bath now.”

She’d swear Sunny’s ears pricked up at the word bath. This dog loved water beyond even his breed’s usual affinity for it. She could almost believe he’d gotten muddy for the express purpose of getting a bath. Charity was less thrilled at how soaked she was about to wind up, but as the one who caught the dog(and the one with no plans after work, which meant it was okay if she went home smelling like wet fur), the duty would fall to her anyway. She might as well get it over with.

It proved every bit the ordeal she was anticipating, but she did get Sunny clean. Still very much the curious puppy--even though they’d walked this hallway a dozen times and she was pretty sure there were no new smells--he pulled every which way as they walked back toward the kennels.

“We really gotta train you, or you’re gonna scare people off,” Chariy muttered, letting go of the leash with one hand to brush damp straggles of hair back toward the sad remains of her ponytail.

Of course Sunny picked that moment to hear something ‘interesting’ and veer sharply toward the door between shelter and clinic. Sharply enough to yank the leash out of her hand.

Not again! she groused to herself as she lunged after him. “Sunny! Sunny, sit!”

Sunny did not sit. Because the door opened from the clinic side and a new person walked in, and what friendly, energetic dog worth his whiskers could resist saying hello to a new friend?

And so roughly fifty pounds of still-damp yellow lab pushed off the floor and slammed into their visitor in the same moment Charity skidded to a mortified halt. Even if he looked well-built enough to take it, this was so not the impression they wanted to give people.

-o-

Edér would have been lying if he said he expected his day to include being tackled by a friendly dog. He’d also be lying to say he minded, though it did catch him off-guard.

“I’m so sorry!” a voice gasped from above and to his right--probably the woman he’d briefly glimpsed before being tackled. 

“S’alright,” Edér managed around the enthusiastic tongue bath he was receiving. He brought one hand up to scratch the side of the dog’s face, which earned him a reprieve as the lab leaned into the attention with a pleased groan. “Always nice to make a new friend.”

He looked up just in time to catch her relieved smile. “Must be my lucky day.” Her ears went redder than her hair. “’Cause you’re clearly an animal lover, I mean, not for any other...” She cleared her throat, one hand tugging the end of her frazzled ponytail. “I’m gonna stop talkin’ now.”

“Actually, if you work here, I was lookin’ for some help,” Edér said, starting the reluctant process of scooting out from under the dog.

“Oh, sure,” the redhead nodded as she bent to grab the free end of the leash and started tugging the dog off him. “I’m Charity, by the way. And this fella’s Sunny, both in name and nature.”

“Fittin’,” he chuckled as he got to his feet. He held out his hand to shake. “Edér.”

Charity shook his hand, grip firmer than he expected. “And what can I help you with, Edér?”

“Pickin’ somethin’ up for a friend; antibiotics for her liz- uh, bearded dragon.” He rolled his eyes sheepishly. “She don’t like it when I call ‘im a lizard.”

Charity laughed. “Lotta people with beardies feel that way.” Her brow furrowed.  “Wasn’t there someone at the clinic desk?”

Edér shook his head. “Naw. There s’pposed t’ be?”

“Yeah,” she said with a sigh. “Same person who was s’pposed to lock all the kennels and the dog door out to the yard. I’m tryin’ to give her some time, ‘cause she’s new, but if she doesn’t get a lot less flighty real quick...” She shook her head and tugged the leash. “That’s not important, though. Let’s get you taken care of, then I’ll get Sunny squared away.”

“I can wait if you wanna do that first,” he offered, slipping his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t in any particular hurry.

“No, it’s okay,” Charity said quickly. “If you’re just pickin’ something up it shouldn’t take long.” Both of them looked down as Sunny bumped his nose against Edér’s knee. “‘Sides, he likes you, if I take him away now, he’ll pout the rest of the day an’ that’s no fun.”

“Alright, then, if you don’t mind...” Edér shrugged, which made her smile. It was a good smile. He pushed open the swinging door back to the clinic. “After you.”

-o-

Charity bit back the temptation to make some corny comment about him being a gentleman and simply nodded her thanks as she headed through the doorway. She could feel a fresh wave of blush rising to color her ears--and probably the back of her neck--even so. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. Maybe if he did she could pass off her embarrassment as due to Sunny’s behavior, not the number of times she’d successfully stuck her foot in her mouth in front of one of the more attractive men she’d met in her life. If the ‘lucky day’ comment wasn’t bad enough, the speed with which she’d insisted on helping Edér before she re-kenneled Sunny had done no favors. 

Just as he’d said, there was no sign of Xoti behind the clinic counter, even though her shift went til four. She hadn’t even left a note this time.

Charity pushed aside the embarrassment--and grumbling thoughts toward her coworker--and flashed Edér another smile as she stepped around the counter.  “So, what’re you pickin’ up?” She closed the waist-high door and slipped the leash around the handle so she had both hands free and Sunny was still semi-corralled.

“Antibiotics,” he reminded her, leaning against the counter with a crooked smile of his own.

She wanted to smack herself; he’d already told her that. “Right, right. Name?”

He cocked his head. “Would it be under the pet or the owner?”

“Owner.”

“That does make sense. Illani. Tavi Illani.”

The name rang a bell. “Oh, yeah. Dragon’s Quaro, right?” Charity asked as she started thumbing through the filled prescriptions. “She had him in a couple days ago and Doc Drake had to back order the meds.” Illani, there you are. She tugged out the small, crinkly bag and set it on the counter. “Here we go. And Dr. Drake is sorry for the delay and hopes Quaro feels better soon.” 

Edér raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Technically she didn’t tell me that, but” --Charity shrugged-- “ain’t hard math to figure out she would.” She played with the patient information tag stapled to the prescription to give her hands something to do. Which worked for all of five seconds before she happened to read the address. “Wait, wait, wait. Tavi lives in Yenwood?! Don’t they have any vets down there?”

Edér laughed. “None who--to quote her--’know a solitary fuckin’ thing’ about bearded dragons.” He leaned closer and whispered almost conspiratorially “I think she’s just tryin’ to justify drivin’ an hour each way to bring him to the same vet she’s used since he was this big.” He held up his thumb and index finger three or four inches apart. 

Charity giggled. “No shame in that; lotsa people try to stick with the same vet, for the sense of familiarity. ‘Specially if their pet likes that vet.” She braced her elbow against the counter and rested her chin in her hand. “”What about you? Assumin’ you also live in Yenwood, this is some favor. You two must be real good friends.”

Subtle, Char, a little voice in her head said dryly. Just ask the man if he’s single and get it over with.

“She’s one of my best,” he confirmed with another crooked smile. Sweet Eothas, it wasn’t fair. “But I was comin’ this way for work, so it ain’t that much much of an inconvenience. Speakin’ of...” He glanced at the wall clock. “I need to get goin’. Ain’t in a rush, exactly, but probably shouldn’t dawdle.”

She grinned. “Or the boss man’ll chew ya out?” 

“Nah, that ain’t a risk,” Edér shook his head, still smiling. “‘Cause you’re lookin’ at him. Still wanna make a good impression an’ keep customers happy, so...” He picked up the prescription and tapped the bag against the counter. “You need anything from me?”

Your phone number. Charity just barely swallowed the wards before they tumbled out her mouth. “Uh, no, it looks like, um, Tavi prepaid for it when she had Quaro in. So we’re good.”

Sunny pawed her leg and whined.

Charity patted the dog’s head to settle him. “And let me apologize again for this goober. He’s just over-eager to meet new people.”

Edér leaned across the counter to scratch Sunny’s ears. “No harm done. Like I said, always nice to make a new friend.” He met her gaze and winked. “Or two.”

Was she blushing? She had to be blushing. “Always happy to meet a fellow animal lover.”

He laughed. “Thanks for the help, Charity.”

“You are very welcome, Edér,” she laughed back. “Have a good day.”

He nodded as he straightened. “You, too.”

Charity watched him go, tried to read the writing on the door of his truck(purely general curiosity, definitely not looking for a phone number), but he’d parked too far away. She looked down at Sunny, who met her gaze and panted happily.  “Alright, your turn. Let’s get you back where you belong.”

Xoti picked that moment to get back from... wherever she’d been. At least she had the decency to wince when she saw Charity doing her job. “Sorry, Char.”

“What was it this time?” Charity asked, fixing her ponytail before she wrapped the leash around her hand to keep Sunny close.

“Door on the Ladies got stuck again,” Xoti said, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. “Doc really needs t’ fix that.”

“Leave a note on her desk, I’m sure she’ll bump it up the list,” Charity said. She tugged Sunny’s leash as she swung open the half-door to head back toward the shelter side. “Hell, if it’s real bad, maybe she’ll call someone soon as she gets back.”

“Kay.” Xoti hesitated, bit her lip. “There weren’t any trouble, was there? ‘Cause I really didn’t expect that to take more’n a minute or I’da let you know.”

Charity smiled to herself as she glanced toward the paring lot--empty now, of course. “Nope. No trouble at all.”

The clock read 3:05 as she led Sunny back to his kennel. She tried to convince herself the smile she wasn’t trying all that hard to fight was relief for the non-boring two o’clock hour for once. Given that she couldn’t stop picturing blond hair and blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when he smiled, it didn’t really work.

Her lucky day, indeed.

[icharchivist]

I’m starting back classes in 2 days and i admit i’m probably starting to freak out a little a h ah a h and that makes me self reflect again (i’ll find out how to get back to a therapist once the school year will be officially rolling bc i’ll sure need it a ha ha but in the meantime onto the readmores of the depth of my blog)

and it just... guh I’ve stopped going to any classes about 3 years ago exactly? Like, gave up completely, and that followed mostly that when i had a breakdown about 3 years ago i was having panic attacks all the time at the uni and ended up having hard case of... at least i’ll say “zoning out” bc i was panicking, except i was zoning out in the middle of the road and that’s STRAIGHT UP not a good time when you’re realizing you’ve almost been hit 3 times in 10 mins by a car bc of that man ✌

Like begining 2015 there was so much issues with my father back then, that’s when i cut ties, but i had that major breakdown i didn’t recover properly from, that had me eventually stop my studies back then and one of the reasoning was specifically “i cannot handle the stress of class on top of stress of my personal life” (which included the fact my family at home was always super toxic and honestly the more time i spend away from my ex-step-dad the most i realize how much unhealthy coping mechanisms i took just to try to survive with him at home while it drained all of my energy)

Like one of the things was that i would get yelled at if i didn’t do the dishes/wasn’t doing the grocery shopping or all sort of things and it just that i came back from school too exhausted + with my father stuff I legit couldn’t handle those stuff, so i threw out school so at least I could do the stuff at home i would get yelled at if i didn’t do, so at least i wouldn’t be stressed on that angle.

And that’s pretty fucked up to think it was one of my motivations back then ah ah ha h but survival y’all ✌

The thing is that then i stopped going to classes for 6 months so, then i started my art school bc i couldn’t stay without classes, problem is that my health got far worse back then with multiple sicknesses due to stress adding up and getting worse with the stress of school and of my dad and of the fact it was still bad at home, and the fact i straight up didn’t like the people i was in class with?? I mean they were fine and i was social with them, it was a peaceful environment but i was more kinda tolerating this and just.. trying not to bound much with people. And hey that worked out i have absolutly no idea who any of the people i’ve spent a full year with are doing ✌

The thing is that after that i tried the history uni and it’s when i started to have the panic attacks and zoning out and after one week i was just... too terrified to be around people. Like straight up terrified, i couldn’t talk to anyone, i was trembling when I was near my classrooms, I was on the verge of crying everytime someone addressed to me somehow, it was so so so so bad.

Anyway i dropped out that course after a week so y EAH and then i didn’t go to school the years that followed, bc there was administrations problems with the courses i wanted to take and i was asking help from my parents bc i was petrified at the idea of dealing with them and my parents didn’t help at all.

And tbh it would have been the same this year too over the fact it still completely petrifies me, except that this time my best friends helped me out organize, so i actually got through with the problems, and they’re fantastic and i love them-

But yeah now i’m thinking about the fact that it’s very likely the toxicness of my family made me close in and i started to be terrified of hanging around people i didn’t know well, that there is this sort of emotional effort to make that at least on top of the work i had to do with my family was too much. 

And now i’ve left my family, i still have to deal with the nastiness of my dad and god i’m so tired, i ended up blocking him the other day but it’s getting so bad and i’m so tired we can just say it’s ANOTHER trial because OF COURSE it is JUST ANOTHER ONE, because we’re a NORMAL FAMILY and *bangs head on table* guh not the point of that post, but that had been heavy on me lately there is so much annoying stuff happening familywise. 

And yeah I mean i’ve left but i’m far from healed from anything either and i just...

I know i’m good at talking with people sometimes, creating non threatening environment and all, being friendly, but i’m just panicked being around people. 

I live in a student room and the kitchen is common to the whole stair and i’ve been avoiding it for about a month. A. month. Granted also bc i don’t know how to make part of it works and i’m too stressed up to ask for help, but that’s... that’s part of the problem. I went there a couple of times but if i can avoid it, i do.

Anytime i needed to get cooking i came back at my mom’s place when she was away bc i’m terrified to just... spend time around people i don’t know. 

and i don’t know exactly where it’s from, bc like i mean i’ve been bullied all my way until high school but highschool were the most fantastic years i had socially speaking and i really opened up much more and managed to be far more social during that time, but then... then I guess just having dropped everything to spend all my time handling my family’s temper tantrum and be always hyperaware of their emotions in order to adjust to how i was supposed to work around that just ended up making me project that on everyone i didn’t know originally. 

And it suuucks and i’m going back to school in 3 days and i’m just starting to be stressed out over the fact i’ll sit in class around people and i don’t want to be around people and that a h ah ah ah a h 

and the worst is that i think i actually projected this attitude of mine online those past few years?! 

I’ve always been more social online, more ready to talk and all, hell especially this  blog, but while i have absolutly no problem with people coming to me, or even sometimes talking to people i’ve already grown used to see, then i’ve also grown terrified of like /posting in the tags/, of being seen by people outside of my comfort zone. 

And it... really wasn’t the case before but it is now and i wonder if that’s an extension of the fact i just... tightened my comfort zone with the year to the point of being absolutly panicked about coming out of it.

Like.. i guess it’s already good that I ended up moving away in a place with a lot of people, and man i feel so strong when i actually do manage to go to the kitchen and don’t completely freak out when there are people there.

But YEAH school back in 3 days that will be fun i hadn’t been around people in 3 years and last time i’ve been around huge group of people i had massive panic attacks, that’ll be fun that’ll be fun that’ll be fun. 

So that’s fun, that’s new, that’s something i’ll need to end up dealing with bc this is Not Reassuring but yeah i’ve kinda completely ignored that I had this social problem going on bc i had a hundred of others things to deal with and i’m just now realizing that huh yeah i’ve acted weirdly socially lately i probably need to get that checked and dig in to try to figure out what caused it and eventually try to stop being petrified for no rational reasons other than just... living in the same space as people terrifies me for some reasons.

That’s cool that’s cool that’s cool ✌ ✌ ✌ 

I mean that was to be expected that now that i’m getting out of the toxic situation that shaped my life i have to figure out where that left me and recover from it but i’m straight up not having a good time right now  ✌

anyway meanwhile i’ll just, keep staying in comfort zone with that blog as it is, no need to try to “force myself out of it”, bad plan, not healthy enough for that and i need to do that irl before doing it online, so that’s fun that’s fun, gotta need to find an appointment with a therapist asap, this is gonna be fun wee  ✌

[shmisolo]

Can you now tell us some the headcanos you have for "Let's Get Together" please? I absolutely loved the fic. It was an AU I din't know I wanted but I'm glad I got it.

ok spoilers for let’s get together chapter 5!

ok first things first: ben & rey don’t move in together right away.  ben gets his own place about thirty minutes away and they start with a traditional half-week split with the kids.

the twins don’t understand this and are very annoyed bc their parents are CLEARLY IN LOVE why aren’t they MARRIED AGAIN ALREADY

the reason they choose this is bc they want to ease back into things.  bc even though things feel right, they know there’s a lot of baggage attached that they haven’t had the opportunity to work through and they both care so much about making it right–for the girls and for each other.  they have to learn to be in one anothers’ lives again

they start seeing a couple’s therapist and that’s when Shit Gets Real in a lot of ways

rey has a lot of self-blame.  like a lot (that’s evident in the fic i should hope).  ben’s worked through a lot of his with his therapist beforehand, and he’s all for letting the past die (eyyyy) and starting as fresh as they can, but rey’s having a lot of trouble letting go, especially because she can’t really remember why she left to begin with, bc her brain has locked her out of it, bc her experience at the time was so clouded bc of the 19 different pressures from various badbrains going on.  so a lot of their couple’s therapy is working through rey’s guilt and trying to think more about the future than the past.

for ben it opens up more bitterness than he wants it to.  a lot of his previous therapy had been about him without her in conversation, and so he’d built up what i think (and ben thinks, and his previous therapist thinks) would be reasonable ways of engaging with the memory of his ex-wife and the love of his life; but that’s very different when she’s still having trouble remembering why she left, and he’s in a new place halfway across the country from everything he’s known, and being far away from his mom (which is harder than he thought it would be). (on the bright side: he likes the non-new york legal lifestyle of not killing yourself for the hours every day.  he likes that a lot.)  but there’s a lot that’s not quite as easy as he wants it to be and he has to learn how to work through that with rey and not just with himself.

ben also tries to point out that he was the one that suggested splitting the twins (it had been a tactic to try and make rey stay, and he hadn’t expected her to take him up on it) as a way of showing that they both were part of the situation, that it was in some ways mutual even if she initiated it, and the fallout falls on him too.  rey has trouble hearing that bc she has a lot of abandonment trauma herself, even if it’s factually correct that he did suggest this.

this is a conversation they keep away from the kids as much as possible, because they don’t want the kids to involve themselves too much.  it’s not their responsibility to fix the parents and they’ve done enough to show that they’d try.  so they say that they’re being careful and get cagey whenever either padme or breha presses it.

despite a lot of the work they are doing with their therapist, which is hard and necessary, they’re pretty good on the whole tho.  they have date nights–usually when the girls are staying with rey since the co-parenting trio are always down to babysit, especially as they are getting to know padme–and they continue sleeping together, and fall into a pretty good rhythm of life.  a lot of their therapy is about working through their past, but they’re mostly equipped to handle their present properly.

padme has more difficulty than either of them had really prepared for in moving down to new mexico.  she has gone from an all girl’s private school to a local coed public school and wasn’t expecting the culture shock of that experience alone in middle school, much less a different vibe of being in the southwest more long term.  and while she and breha get on very well, there are definitely spats bc for breha everything’s natural and normal, but padme misses her friends, and misses her bubbe, and misses being able to walk places.

breha starts going to hebrew school (a way to appease leia that padme and ben were moving down south; leia’s not really mad about it, but she’s definitely gonna push for both of her girls to have a jewish education)

after ~a year or so, ben moves in.  since this is headcanon and not #fic, i went ridiculous with the “he had a mild heart attack” thing (bc i can’t fathom ben solo having a healthy heart t b q h) and that makes everyone scared and sad and he’s fine but everyone’s scared and rey makes him stay at her place so that he can have everyone take care of him while he recovers and he just…never leaves.

while scary, this is also an important moment for rey bc they won’t tell her stuff about him at the hospital bc she’s his ex, not his wife.  so when she is let in to see him, she’s basically like “hi we need to get married” which they spend like three or four hours on in therapy bc it’s the first time she’s thinking “forward” and sure she’d done it in panic, but it’s important that she’s thinking about a future that’s not just weighed down by her own guilt.  (no, they don’t get married right away.  but they do start talking about futures more consistently after that, aided by ben’s moving in.)

they end up building an extension to the house bc with the additions of ben and padme, things are getting a bit cramped and also poe, finn, and rose have a bet as to whether or not ben and rey might have more kids.  they’re also considering kids of their own and figure having extra space will be good.

leia eventually moves down to santa fe.  she doesn’t like being far from her family.  she absolutely becomes like…the fucking matriarch of the jewish community in like 4 seconds and no one knows how except that it’s leia.

also: fun fact that i didn’t have time to work into the fic because she wasn’t going to tell either ben or rey while all this was going on--leia feels a lot of responsibility for the fall-apart of the first marriage.  she feels as though she failed her daughter-in-law when her daughter-in-law needed a mother figure and she just wasn’t able to give her the help and support she needed when she was clearly breaking down.  that’s part of what motivated her to help the twins--she saw it as an opportunity to fix something she feels she had a hand in (while also knowing that she isn’t to blame for rey’s mental state at the time).

the girls get bat mitzvahed.  everyone is emotional.

rey and ben decide to get married soon thereafter.  they have a convo w/the rabbi and realize that they’d never gotten a get so their ketubah is still valid which makes them both laugh real hard for a long-ass time, and they decide to skip a big wedding (much to the girls’ annoyance) bc it feels like a waste of time and they feel like they’ve already lost so much time.  but they do have a nice little thing at the farm after they sign their marriage license and luke and chewie come to visit and it’s a big family thing.

moar kidz??? idk that’s as far as i got.  that’s a lie they totally have one more kid and so do rose/poe/finn and those two kids are adorable and the best playmates everrrrrr.

fin.