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#so i can finally heal too
hexxter · 11 months
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“Lol sad player” as if I didn’t self insert too hard on khux and got secondary trauma from the whole game 💁🏻‍♀️
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months
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Soup solves everything.
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moonandris · 8 months
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Omg, I actually did it! I finally joined a queer dating/friendship app!!! EEEEEEK!!! I'm sooooo nervous!!! I literally have almost no queer friends IRL so I don't have anyone to get excited with me!! 🥳
One of my New Year's resolutions for 2024 was to put myself out in the world more and try my best to be more social, meet new friends (as well as potentially find a partner), and explore all my passions, hobbies, and interests with like-minded people.
As a very shy bisexual woman, it's so hard to meet other queer people, especially when you live in a more conservative area. So when I joined a queer dating/friendship app I was was SO surprised to see how many other lesbian/bi women were located near me.
Also, for some reason I've always had this super toxic thought in my head that queer women wouldn't be attracted to me because of the fact that I'm S U P ER femme/girly and I think I look very 'straight' to the average person assessing me. Trust me when I say I was genuinely SHOCKED at the matches I was getting like??? Why did I think such terrible things about myself and my sexuality? I feel really silly for thinking that and I've realized that I have a lot of inner work to do regarding my sexuality and self-worth.
This is honestly such a new, exciting experience for me and was so healing for my mind and mental health to just be able to communicate and talk with other queer women. I know this isn't writing related but it's really not something I can share with other people or on my other social media (yet) so I knew I had to make this post bc I'm just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!
It honestly makes me wanna cry a little. It's a very emotional feeling and also feels so freeing to just BE MYSELF and not have to hide my queerness or be afraid that someone is going to find out I'm bisexual and act really awful/disgusted towards me, you know?
Regardless of whether I find a partner or make new friends and whatnot, I'm super proud of myself that I'm not denying this part of myself anymore. I'm exploring my sexuality with people who know what it's like to be queer in this crazy world we live in. It's a really awesome feeling. 💕💕💕💕
Anyways, if you've made it this far thank you so much for reading this silly lil post and wish me good luck! Happy New Year!! 🎊
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puhpandas · 9 hours
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I think the reason beckory works well is that tony has a habit of getting self righteous and in his own head about things but Gregory isnt afraid to tell him off or call him out about things. the point of tony in ggy is that nobody ever told him that how hes treating other people isnt good, so that's why he got so bad. but tony would be close to Gregory and have every rational reason in the world to listen to Gregory so when he would say something like "you're treating ellis badly and that's not what a good friend does, you need to do better" hed actually listen and take it into account and improve himself
#everyone in ggy is oblivious but gregory wouldnt be#hed be used to flawed people by being family with vanessa and freddy and best friends with cassie#and in turn tony#so when tony showcases traits of being flawed he cares about him and can look past them bc he knows tony is a good person#but he also keeps him in check when he goes too far#gregory who would fight someone so intensely he would be put in the hospital if someone insulted cassie:#tony you shouldnt resent ellis and say hes annoying just because he doesnt know all about this journalist from the 1920s#i think the concept of Gregory trying to be normal and live a normal life with 3 star fam and actively having to make it happen#is interesting#bc i feel like tony is so abnormal and has become disconnected from reality especially in a scenario where he lives after the ggy attack#that interacting wiht gregory whos so strange and interesting and mysterious but also has both feet rooted in the present and reality#would do him a lot of good#just make him finally take a step back and see the bigger picture and take a chill pill#also its ironic bc gregory is secretly in his head trying soo hard to be normal and do normal things#and it appears so effortless to Tony that it literally fixes him#i love thinking gregory and others relationships as Gregory not really doing anything but he still affects ppl so heavily#like gregory just existing and freddy developing a soul and sentience and finding a will to live and a purpose after dropping lead singer#gregory almost accidentally saving vanessa and just existing in her life being someone she wants to live for#giving her the motivation to get back up and eventually allowing her to heal enough to want to enjoy life by herself#Gregory doing nothing but being cassies friend and it changes her after a lifetime of abandonment#to the point where it makes her happy and fufilled and brings out the determination and bravery in her#and finally gregory with tony where him just being in tonys life not trying hard to help him out and change his way of seeing life#actually does the most to change his life and shows him that he can view things differently and that now#he finds that he WANTS to#pandas.txt#3 star fam#beckory#superstar duo#gregory#tony
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I’m not going to lie, I think about @autumngracy ‘s “A Reflection of Starlight” at least weekly and read meaningful chapters at least monthly. I don’t personally ship Valvert but I do ship two characters healing trauma through their relationship together.
Because if they can learn how to open their hearts to others, maybe I can too.
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toriliashine · 3 months
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Multiclassed wyll into a warlock/ranger. Best decision I've ever made, live your Disney princess with a gun truth man
#he gains heavy armour proficieny and can handle martial weapons greatly increasing the damage he can do while still keeping the magic from#his pact#he finally has a chance of fully becoming rhe blade of frontiers#him and my tav can both be magical living weapons together qwq#wyll ravengard#but seriously the ranger knight tirle was made for him#theres also a mage breaker ranger title if yall knew i CHOKED#my tav is a sorcerer and i thought picking that would make for one too many jokess and coughs jsbdnsbdvdhej#too obvious too easily funny skbsdjbd#then i think my second option was ro make him beast master i think to summon scratch?#i thought of giving him sleight of hand but we hsve astarion for that and#he need to put his back into working and stealung for the team to make up for his anti gnoming and general evil doings#pet peeve i hate calling being anti orc anti goblin etc racism thwy are NOT different races they are different beings entirely!#each being has their own races within them im sick! everyones using the incorrect term!!#and i have to use the blasted inaccurate terms with them to get my points across! hate it!#lmao guess which background my tav has from this spiel sondkdjkdm#back to wyll take your gun your crossbow you4 axe your l9ngsword whatever you want#now youve multiclassed#you truly can have it all#yES he got his ass beat right after (we had just solved racism and hadnt healed then being nice to glut backfired)#ge got knocked out for a bit from an opportunity attack i didnt see whoop#s#glut got big hands#he coulda used them for something else if he wasnt such a bitch#burnt his corpse jic#back to wyll again truly a defender of the people now and not solely relying on mizsnoreahs magic#maybe hell stop missing so much!#still i actually remenbered to play wyll as a warlock in the ending slavery fight and it paid off#him killing off 2 people with a bolt spell was so cool i got draw him finger gun blasting people
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theflyingfeeling · 3 months
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just got home from Ruisrock's Super Sunday, what do you mean I gotta go grocery shopping now and cook dinner 😭
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the-deadlock-south · 3 months
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love that you dont have to essentially buy heroes now but 1.) that shouldve been the case in the first place 2.) i feel bad for everyone i play against as i now realize i can play ramattra as much as i want and i will proceed with my rampages
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skunkes · 10 months
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funny thing is that genuinely canonically talon is bi with an immense preference for women to the point where he cant really imagine any long term stuff with a man... but since ive whisked him away to the brain zone its like ok but what if he was safe and happy with another guyyy and meeeeee 🫶
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eccentriccryptid · 3 months
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Growing up is realizing Aragorn is the best character in LotR
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sysig · 7 months
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I can’t see a damn thing
#DQIX#WPDQIX#WPVG#Where are my glasses!#So anyway I finally beat this save lol#Well - made it to postgame anyhow#Which is long haha#Everyone still sub 50 level-wise! That's remained consistent#Although a lot of extra levels in other vocations to build up points#I cannot BeLieve Goresby-Purrvis TKO'd me on my first attempt back - I was well-leveled! I was fine!#RNG >:(#We beat him the second go around - after I looked up a guide to make sure I wasn't trying to fight him way underleveled lol#No I was actually over by like.......5-8lvs............................#His OHKO move is way too OP he managed to successfully roll it Twice in his turns >:0 Hate that furry#Anyway the rest were a cake walk lol#Like yeah I went and healed after Barbarus but aside from that I didn't even bother pfft#I didn't realize I had so little of the main campaign left! Like I'm happy to be in postgame now but dang I could've done this way sooner#I'll run around with the Express after a bit ♪ Wanna see if I can unlock some of the other vocations and collect more clothes#Do a full aesthetic run lol - finish out the Mini Medals sidequest#Plenty to do yet!#Then I really wanna look into a recording setup for my 3DS hmnn#I don't really want to send this lad away to get rigged up - and I have been looking to buy a new one but hmmnnn#I dunno#Worst case I just stream with DeSmuMe lol#I'd love a physical copy of Kuzu's adventure <3 But I also can't deny the usefulness of save states#Going back to the church every time is....Mm#I wonder if there are any USB DS controls I could use :0 That's be great I love the way the buttons feel#Still - it being a slower paced game wouldn't make it particularly demanding haha
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dreamlogic · 5 months
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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"
#meatsuit renno#chronic blogging#ctxt#at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache#and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right#after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen#nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws#about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site#it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip#this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully#this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now#i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly#about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar#couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep#finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me#finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy#started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately#i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature#but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws#the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement#then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening#it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept#that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside#but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT#the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin#it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble#as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence#my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal#i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long#i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.
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forcedhesitation · 8 months
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watching astarion's horde of undead summons follow us around is the funniest thing to me. just another day in baldur's gate, citizens, nothing to worry about here! carry on and don't mind the smell of rotting flesh!
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dirtytransmasc · 9 months
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I haven't posted about Avatar in a *hot* minute, but, I have been infected with the hyperfixation again and the incessant urge to just hit Spider with the projection/trauma stick is driving me feral.
I just want to give him a shit ton of issues man. I want to make my sweet baby boy baby miserable. I love him so I have to make his life as hard as possible.
like making him absolutely unwell and giving him a list of chronic illness/disabilities (on top of the ones he already has from being human on Pandora) wouldn't fix me, but it'd do something that'd make my brain feel a little less implode-y 🤷🏻
Edit: small disclaimer for anyone who doesn't know me, I am disabled, hence why I said projection, I just feel like I should mention that, or the tone of this post feels a little uncomfy
#I think spider has earned some chronic pain#and tummy problems#and migraines#and insomnia#and a fucked immune system (cause I think living amongst Aliens and having little to no exposure to a large germ/people pool to form-#immunity from and then being forcibly dragged from his little bubble to Bridgehead and then out with the recoms and then to the SeaDragon-#through the tainui villages and then finally the metkayina village. I just *know* his immune system is one sniffle away from crapping out)#and like. he was tortured. with a brain machine. so he can have a hand tremor and absence seizures or something.#and light sensitivity. he can have that too.#and he's probably super dissociative and/or maladaptive to cope (both is good. both is very good)#and give him a rolled ankle thats like 8 years old that he never let properly heal and just acts up constantly#and nasty scars from tending his own wounds as a kid#and give him a complex with hygiene from being neglected as a kid and constantly feeling dirty but literally not knowing how to make-#himself feel clean cause no one taught him basic life skills#also. give him autism. just cause.#all on top of his massive guilt complex that makes him feel like his unworthy of life/feel like a monster 25/8#just for funsies#y'know you in a *great* place when you do this to your favorite little guys 😃🤗🫶👍#(this may be a cry for help)#(I think the scariest part is that these aren't even all my ideas. just my favorites)#spider socorro#miles spider socorro#miles socorro#avatar#atwow#I love how this is my first post back into this fandom. it says greta things about me
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waywardsalt · 1 month
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my recording of the mohg fight, very glad to say that his fight is extremely fun :)
#ohhh this took ages to finally work in this post lol. anyways mohg fight. ridiculously fun.#elden ring#mohg#mohg lord of blood#yeah ill put this in main tags. full mohg fight. for the mohg enjoyers ig i really liked this fight#lots of like. particles being flung around but it never felt like bullshit so it was a fun while to fight him#my post#the 'jump for joy' in the phase change was planned while the 'my thanks' at the end wasnt which is why i do pull up the menu for that one#i left him alone for the nihil as a self-imposed 'gay penalty' bc i didnt want to just like. shred him during it yknow#he can have his theatrics for his healing and phase transition. a bit of respect with the 'my thanks' yknow i like him + the dynasty bit#hes got a funny little buddy in varre and a nice little grinding spot among all the blood soaked atrocities#ive heard ansbach is neat too. n ive been using bloody slash since the moment i got it so in a way ive been chilling with lord of blood#related stuff for a p long time. tbh its neat how varre is the first proper person you meet while mohg is arguably the most hidden demigod#dont think i have any bonus commentary with this one besides i got rlly fucking lucky later in this. yknow the bit lmao#always through him being extra vulnerable to bleed was funny but he apparently gets the lord of blood's exultation buff on bleed procs#so thats a rlly neat thing i found out- i ended up using that talisman for the fight (you can see it under the stamina bar a few times)#it is funny to me that his in-battle dialogue subtitles are all lowercase and lack punctuation beyond accent markings#anyways beyond the final boss the only boss i have left is malenia which should be. fucking fun. i'll get vids of that one for sure#i might get my first attempt at her bc that might be a fun comparison point when i manage to beat her#'my recording of the mohg fight' feels very like. professional. i just got it captured on ps4. it was a random attempt that was successful
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toastsnaffler · 8 months
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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