#so i cant combat it. bc i dont care when it happens

[yelloworangesoda]

i don’t know. its like i dont have the words for anything. its so embarrassing oh am i ignoring you am i being an asshole. am i stupid did i fail english class. no its more like if everyone was given language skills they left me out of

[lifeinthegladhouse]

the unfortunate news was given that my dad's chemo probably isn't working so he "might" have to do 30 day "isolation chemo" (?) which sounds horrible and scary. I want to visit him then if so... I don't want him to be alone for 30 days. I'm terrified he will be abusive to me.

when my mother died, she couldn't hurt me, even though I was terrified to see her. seeing her helpless body waste away from cancer was traumatizing but also released any fear I ever had of her, even though the memory of her abuse will always live in me.

my dad was not abusive like she was but sometimes i think he is worse for ever enabling her to be around me, ever choosing to "raise" a kid with her, comparatively, she had much less choice in her actions than he did.

i dont know what it means or if it will help. i didnt think these chemo rounds would help... i never thought my dad would get better... but hearing the advancing news doesn't help.

especially after watching someone's long term dying lead to hospice and then death and how irreverently it was handled, in this household (my partner's grandmother).

my dad will lose whatever hair he has left and im sure will look unrecognizable in a way.

whatever anger or apathy i have to combat my sense of obligation that shouldnt even really exist... i feel for him. im scared for him. i dont want him to suffer, and i dont know if it's worth going through.

i dont want to sway his decision, im positive he will die from this either way. i dont want to lose time with him, but ive already lost time. he's had 30 years to fix this and he hasnt...

i dont know if i can physically handle the grief of seeing him this way.

he always sounds livelier over the phone than he is, but... he didn't watch his parents die this way.

i will lose both of my parents to horrible forms of cancer (i mean, they're all horrible). at least Gene froze to death and it shocked everyone and he didn't suffer.

we've been iced in for a week here in p0rtland, and i got money back that i "owed" to unemployment when gene died. it felt like, after 3 years, he was helping me,... of all times to get the money back now... itll help me move out of my in laws... but a horrible thought happened... what if it's because my dad is going to go sooner than we thought?

i cant decide, anyways, and ocd is a bitch.

my back is killing me from days of making music and trying to learn mixing and mastering and animation and editing just for the fuck of it to stay sane, entirely diy.

today i cant focus, anymore... im listening to david bowie and crying alone and listening to my stupid in laws talking in the kitchen. i cant mourn here because this is a house of narcissism and enabling. hell, someone DIED in THEIR family and THEY wont/cant even mourn.

if my dad doesnt take the chemo, he will continue to failingly rely on his weekly (or more) blood transfusions. and eventually, he will die. maybe he will choose that to spare himself, and in a way, i almost wish he would, but i cant say i really wish that, ... i wish he was a better father, i wish he didnt have cancer even if he is 73, i dont wish him a sudden death bc itd be jarring but a long way is almost worse. i dont know what i want. i wish he couldve ever cared for me so that i could care for him. but what happened is he didnt care for me, and i care, but i cant care FOR him. i cant fix this. i cant love or unlove or hurt or unhurt it away.

when he dies i will not have any family left.

and then some part of me will be released from this burden of grieving a family that was always "dead" to me, but now, permanently, which will just feel fucked up.

ive spent 3 years grieving mom and gene. then i will grieve him too. when will it fucking end

in spite of this i have to work hard to perservere bc its what gene would want. its what my dad would want even tho fuck what he wants. its what *i* would want if i was diagnosed with cancer tomorrow myself or in 40 years. im terrified.

im tired.

im so goddamn tired

[kleinstar]

EMPATHEOREM

*available to threads outside ones with me too - just dm me for icons

Powers

Uhh small wounds/scratches get healed up automatically. Normally would be in few seconds but now it's a little slower than that.

Fashionable raincloak outfit that evades water completely unless it's a storm.

Rainbow gem hanging from his neck should not go too far - canon has not confirmed that anything will happen only said that something might happen sadly we dont know so cant really use that just dont rp losing it

Not really a power but you seem to have a lot of random skills from tons of parttime jobs he has done!

Mannerisms

Eiden's generally pretty easygoing guy, I wouldn't call him unflappable but generally takes things as they are and so on. He's considerate and flexible towards others, excellent with kids. He's curious. Appreciates pretty/handsome/guys a lot, might occasionally do some light flirting even. Generally doesn't expect the worst out of people but like can still clock shady vibes to an extent but might help out anyway... Can be silly but he's pretty smart actually! He's pretty sociable and honestly a little bit nosy. Prone to reckless things when people he cares about are in danger but also probably strangers too. Maintains good confidence and if it falters will try to psyche himself up with inner dialogue or even outer. Excitable! Many things are cool! Also a little mischievous. ALSO, he's got surprising amount of charisma! A little prone to being lonely. Bit of a people please, it comes naturally though, prone to peacekeeping even when he's pissed off, tries to look things from many directions so his opinions on things can change up --- but also his temper flares seeing mistreatment of others and so on. Might feel a little awkward about being cared for. Unlikely to admit any weakness which also in turn means he's pretty competitive (not a terrible loser but stubborn for sure).

Memories:

This doesn't necessarily need a memory with it but in the orphanage they made him skip meals if you played with food or had leftovers.Can't not finish a plate and will eat himself sick if the only other option is to toss food away.

general memories of orphanage

teenager rebellious phase, tons of part time jobs again and a lot more temper

memories of some more parttime jobs, countless dates and things of that sort and then finally endless hours at office

memories of klein - warmth, hot guys, suddenly will to life gained but also pretty wild stuff like getting infiltrated into cult to save a friend (got caught immediately), into a criminal organization (got caught before even doing that), infiltrating into youkai party (eventually got caught),into uhhhh infiltrating drug operated red light district (got caught), festivals of different sorts, monsters, traveling by foot, being detective, prison, getting stuck in dreams or in a book made for combat training, organizing idol group, getting stabbed....

spiralememories also free game

Icons:

So apologies i dont have nsfw icons sorted into separate folder bc i use some as normal icons (even evit them out lol), i dont...think theres anything too wild in there tho Also like honestly having to renumber them would suck!! fflflld some icons are also just badly cropped and i just havent bothered with redoing them but im sure you'll live - dm/@ in twitter me for them though!

Feel free to dm me if you want to thread!! ill do an ad soon or immediately idk yet

[gratuiciel]

(to the tune of running up that hill) you wanna hear about the fics im writing

u dont have to btw, especially if u dont know the fandoms im talking about (dq11 and tokrev) bc this will mostly sound like a bunch of nonsense if u dont

content warning for whump writing and descriptions of violence/injuries/captivity

first one is gonna be jasper//hendrik in a setting where the luminary doesnt show up on time at the last bastion and so hendrik has to surrender himself to save the people living there (bc he Knows they'll keep fighting if he asks them, and he Knows the whole siege is kind of his fault since jasper is doing this specifically to prove his military superiority over him). definitely gonna be whump in there. jasper keeps him captive in his sky fortress (hendrik cant exactly fly away) and mostly fucks with his mind, but then mordegon decides thats not fun enough and takes matters into his own hands (jasper eventually defects to the luminary while hendrik gets turned into a monster. role reversal babey!)

second one is a gen fic in which hendrik manages to go back to the past (eleven passed on his power during the final battle bc he was too injured to heal), so he's like okay ive got this im gonna fix everything also im literally proficient in both combat and magic thanks to the luminary's power so there is nothing i cant do... except that when he has to choose the moment where he wants to return he kind of panics bc there are so many things to fix, and the confusion as he formulates his wish causes him to return just a few weeks before the events of the game, except he's 6 now and he can't lift a sword anymore. get detective conan'd, idiot. (this is mostly bc adult hendrik with luminary powers would be op as fuck and therefore i had to nerf him and also force him to ask for help for once. he knows everything but cant say anything and he'll need to rely on others to save the world) the fic will then follow the canon story order but things will happen in a different way due to hendrik's interference

third one's premise is: chifuyu gets visions of the future instead of takemichi, and when he sees baji's future he jumps to take the hit in his place. when he wakes up in the hospital, he learns that baji took the blame for the stabbing (he's in jail now) and that his new hospital roommate (once his condition has stabilized) is none other than kazutora (he's been punched in the face a whole lot and got broken bones too). they cant get along at all and takemichi is tasked with watching over them (kazutora is in his division now). once kazutora has healed somewhat, he'll try to get revenge on kisaki and hanma for pushing him to stab baji. at this point he's just obsessed with vengeance and doesnt care abt his own personal safety and chifuyu gets visions of him getting into big big trouble and so he has to get him out of it each time. they grow to trust each other eventually. there is also this takemichi//kisaki subplot which i am cooking up, where kazutora sends dudes to fuck up kisaki while he himself is fighting hanma, and takemichi is the one to rescue (sort of) kisaki (he gets his ass kicked lol but him taking half the hits essentially means kisaki doesnt get beaten to death). then takemichi carries kisaki home to tend to his wounds and then the dude gets a fever and takemichi gets to learn somewhat abt his past and why he is like this. main appeal of the kisa//take subplot is that at some point takemichi will have to go to the future for information and find out that kisaki didnt kill hina bc he didnt propose to her bc now he's in love with him?? for some reason?? it's honestly so funny to me. also i just wanna flesh out kisaki as a villain and find out what couldve shaped his world view (needless to say his family life is Fucked up) anyway this will probably also follow the canon timeline except now kazutora is here to fuck shit up and takemichi is trying to understand kisaki (with mixed results), which will drastically change how things go i think (no idea how this will end yet. i havent even figured out how to make chifuyu and kazutora get injured enough to share a hospital room for some time but not too injured that they can make it to the christmas fight (theyll probably still be recovering by that time... possibility of additional angst by having surgery scars reopen and all))

[npclibrarydump]

thinking about the scene in my head where the crew finally gets their shit together and meets up to plan for the session, like who still needs their planet quests done and who knows where their quest bed is. and discussing how exactly the battlefield is going to be restored, and how the genesis breeding is going. and then theyre wondering how exactly the "win" thing works. if their new universe is at the end...

alexi's pretty blunt "can we take finn with us?" because its not wrong to assume game 'constructs' wont be able to leave the medium.

everyone goes silent while finn sorta deflects and haws his way around a no. he didnt even see the ultimate reward in his own game, and he probably wouldnt have remembered anyway. "but please, dont worry about it. the most important thing is getting everyone to the end in one piece :)" and because hes sweet and atp more attatched to this group than his own co-players

"i really want you guys to win, more than anything" very sentimental and smiley. but piers isnt having any of that. "we. you are a part of this team now finn, if we win youre winning with us."

and more silence bc its awkward and tbh piers and kastri are the ones who know finn the best atp. finn is surprised and has to hide that... he doesnt really feel that way. but he thanks piers and asks frixaa to move on discussing the plans.

piers is more blunt and well, not grumpy but yk. for the rest of that meeting. and afterwards. everyone splits up to go questing and piers goes back home for more tedious insect science. and after floating around checking on the others for a bit, finn ends up on piers' planet like he usually does.

its hard to tell, but piers is upset with him. or something related to finn? he's a grumpy cynical person anyway, but piers when he's really upset is distant and cold, using work as a barrier to the world while he seethes quietly. finn tries to talk to him, just how they normally would, but piers is uhh. yea

neither of them are super 'beat around the bush' people, so finn just asks. "is it about the meeting?" and piers has to put his tools down. "i'm flattered you think of me as one of you all, really. but the reality is that,.. im not even supposed to be here. i'm only... not alive but resurrected, because of a whole lot of glitches that lined up to revive me."

"im not a player here. my planet isnt here, i dont have a spot on either of the moons, there sure isnt a quest bed out there for me. ive no reason to assume ill be able to enter the new universe with you, and i dont want to... pretend that its true."

piers: "you dont know! im not going to delude myself into thinking that either, but you just... dismiss that it could happen... and i dont care whatever the game thinks, youre- ugh" he doesnt usually get this emotional with arguments..

finn is still... listen. its a self worth thing, the only vital thing he did for his session was die. and so far, he hasnt done anything other than provide the information sprites are supposed to anyway. hes a useful messenger, and he's good at talking to people, but hes not a combatant or magic wielder or planner. he knows hes a coward.

"i just... dont want to get anyones hopes up. yours or mine." he says. "and if i cant leave with you, or something else happens- i dont want you all to hesitate in getting the reward you really deserve..."

piers stands up from his desk, "you deserve it too! and theres a difference between... between hoping itll turn out fine and being just... defeatist and cynical!"

finn half laughs. "hm, i thought you were supposed to be the cynical one." piers deflates, that feeling where you know you arent persuasive enough to convince someone to change their mind, especially about themselves.

[kimmkitsuragi]

ooh i get it now

no other screenshots today bc astarion looking in the mirror post was more than enough lmao but a lil update as i said

i get my character now i think!! lou is self-serving but not cruel. his concern for himself also extends to his party, because he sees them as his only way of survival. that's why he chooses to co-operete with the others when he can- like sticking with laezel when she's interrogating the tiefling somewhat... harshly lol

but also, he's not cruel to the point where he lets random people die. if it's too out of his way, he might not rush in to save them (like helping tieflings out of the druid grove). if he thinks he will also benefit, he will intervene and help. like halsin for example, the party is on their way to save him. not because lou is a hero who wants to save the grove, but because he thinks halsin will be able to help him. he doesnt care that much about the situation with the druids- but also he wont just let them kill tiefling children when he sees it happening, because that's just cruel*. he just wont go out of his way to escort them out to safety, he thinks he can kill two birds with one stone if he saves halsin anyway. so that's not cruel in his mind

*just realized that this point can also be connected to the fact that he's a drow... druids would kill him in the same situation too. (they even show aggression right away when they see him) so he ofc doesnt trust their judgement that much- especially after seeing that dead drow on nettie's room lol. i also found the underground caves with lolth's cult (? idk the lore that much yet) so i wonder how this will fold out for him. he's not following lolth so im expecting aggression towards him even tho he's a drow too? i havent explored the caves that much yet because i dont wanna die lmaooo

(alsoooo there's his background - noble. so his self-serving qualities make sense too. he's used to getting what he wants anyway.)

he will intervene with the goblin's death penalty, because she has information that he can use. he wont free her tho, doesnt necessarily trust her innocence. and he got the needed info, so he will figure it out himself. you know. things like that.

the only action he regrets doing / doesnt align with this way of thinking was those 2 people and their absolution thing. he wanted to get to the bottom of this "absolution" and the way they call him a "true one", because that would benefit him. but then his words got one of them killed for no reason- he was just trying to deceive them into giving more info and help. so that was a sad situation...

i will try to play him with this consistency from now on! rn i have astarion, laezel, and gale in my party. i feel like we need a healer/supporter in the party tho so im not sure if i will stick with gale :( i like him but might switch back to shadowheart until i get them to level-up. maybe after the level-up, i can reconsider based on their new abilities idk.... i still havent recruited karlach btw lmao im on my way!! feels like i will really like her too !! - btw just remembered my whole party is dumb of ass if i leave gale. that's a concern too tbh lol

astarion is proving to be more than just my favored blorbo tho, he's so good at so many skills i favor and REALLY useful in combat with how i play this game lmao. he basically cleared out all the goblins waiting to ambush us on top of roofs!! i mean gale was a help too, but my ranger and fighter wasnt that fitting for a more discreet way of fighting lol. and that's my fave way of combat so far tbh (obviously it cant be used throughout a boss fight or something lol, just for small things like this) so im keeping him FOREVER tbh he's never leaving the party

anyway i also found one of his victims (it was a boar or something) and lou was like 🤔 wonder what couldve happen to this poor animal 🤔 what do u think astarion 🤔 lol babygirl so bad at lying to me <3 girl u're so good at deception but why were u panicking at that point lmao

also i already posted abt it butttttt laezel was literally like "hi let's have sex" to Lou i meannnn 😭😭 i like u but not so fast damnnn im also eyeing astarion obviously so i said thanks but no lmao astarion on the other hand is not acting like he even likes me 😭😭 i mean he doesnt hate me i see his approval slider thing lmao but in action... at camp last night, he was like hmm u're better than i thought ngl and im not even sure if he means it or just trying to do something else lmaoooo he was also lying seductively while saying it so,,,, what's the truth lol

also gale approves a LOT of my actions i fear he will be the next one to say hey let's fuck lmao. the thing is im making "good" decisions for selfish reasons so he approves the good decisions idk man let's see where this will go

also also, this game has SO MANY things to do damn i keep getting distracted by everything

[jackienautism]

update on the fire emblem playthrough! i've just started part two and let me just say. absolute ROLLERCOASTER of emotions since my last ask omg. i did manage to recruit the non-eagle characters i was most interested in (marianne, ingrid and felix. also i forgot to mention in my first ask but sylvain is also there since he was. easy to get). sadly i didn't manage to get raphael who was my next pick, probably because i kept accidentally skipping time (skipped a whole month by accident, and then later skipped a day of exploration without training bc edelgard asked me to come with her. and if i'd had that one day of training i would've gotten him too!! im so salty..) </3 living a sad raphael-less life now.

currently my absolute favorite is dorothea and it's kind of killing me that i'm not gonna romance her this playthrough (because i've gotta go with edie.) next playthrough however.....

i also still really love bernie and caspar those are my besties. i never disliked hubert but he's really grown on me. OH and i didn't even MENTION petra in my first ask which should qualify as a crime. i love her so much.

as for the other eagles, i still like them! i feel like i've already listed most of the eagles hang on who's even left.... linhardt and ferdinand. yeah they're chill! not on the same level as the rest of the eagles to me, but i do still like them.

and as for the recruits from other houses, marianne is definitely up there! although i feel like you have to work a little more to get to know the characters you've recruited from other houses, and the only one i've really gotten to know is sylvain. who i do like, honestly, but he just can't compare to the majority of the eagles lmao.

even though it's like... abundantly obvious by the rest of my ask. i did end up siding with edelgard. uhhhh other story related thoughts hmm.. OH jeralt's death was really sad.

idk i'm having fun!! still enjoying the combat, still enjoying the life sim, and still enjoying the overall plot. excited to see what happens next! LMAO this ask is mostly just me listing all of the characters i like and not much else whoops.

you have no idea how happy your updates and asks have made me <3 thank u so much for sending these in!

SO GLAD YOU'VE MADE IT TO THE SECOND HAAAALF... you got there quite quickly WOW good for you! but yeah dfgjndfg and don't worry things are absolutely going to heat up even more <3 esp if you werent able ot recruit raphael <33 atleast i think so? i havent played crimson flower without recruiting him so i cant remember exactly what happesn... but yeah. AND SYLVAIN YEAH DFJGDFG he was also there for me my veeeery first run. i assume you chose f!byleth right? i think its so funny how he immediately says yes if youre a girl. glad you were able to get the non eagle characters though! youre def gonna be happy that you did 😭 i tend to recruit like everyone. even the characters i dont find myself attached to. just cause. well actually theres a reason but i wont say anything jsut yet

SORRY THAT YOURE LIVING A RAPH-LESS LIFE THOUGH ): glad you were able to get the other 4 but <//3 you have my condolences. did you accidentally skip the whole month when you had to explore jertiza's room? bc i did that during my current run djfjdfg i just. totally forgot abt it. i read the message that appeared and did not comprehend a single word. BUT AGUGGH THAT SUUUCKS MAN, IM SO SORRY THAT YOU WERE THAT CLOSE TO GETTING HIM. BUT ALAS.....

DOROTHEA<333333333 YOU HAVE SPLENDID TASTE. CAN YOU BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE HATE HER? STUPIDITY... anyway byleth and you and i (i assume) have 2 hands so why can't we romance both edie and dorothea? yk? have fun romancing them though i love them both so much<3 such lovely choices you are so cool

BERNIE AND CASPAR!!!!!! SO REAL AND TRUE IM HAPPY YOU FOUND YOUR PEOPLE... and the same thign happened w/ me and hubie fdkgjnf i didnt hate him perse but i just didnt reallly care and then i got his A support and justt.... oughhh. AND PETRA THE BELOVED!!!!!! SHES SO AWESOME.... she deserves all the llove in the world

fair enough! ferdie had to grow on me... but yeah his development regarding edelgard and whatnot got 2 me i guess. i love him dearly. plus his timeskip design rocks. and linhardt my boy linhardt.... i just think hsi disdain for fighting / war and his desire to just chill under a tree due to all the trauma and pain he's gone through is cool. hes gone through and is going throuhg a lot and he deserves a moment of complete and utter. tranquility

MARIANNE MY GIRL<33 but no youre absolutely right. you def have to go the extra mile to learn more abt characters who arent in the house youre teaching. which really sucks, but atleast you get a little insight into them and their characters before diving deeper in their respective route? sylvain is def a good choice, hes absolutely a very interesting character to me. but the black eagles my beloveds

glad you sided w/ her <3 wont even lie i was extremely afraid you wouldnt like her after what happens in part one and whatnot. bc i dont blame anyone who does. i just think most of the common reasoning against her is dumb. BUT YEAH. VERY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT LOL first impressions are super important ofc but things could sooo easily change.... esp in edie's case..... bc shes such a morally grey character. and also a girl so . and we know how fandom reacts to morally grey girls. ANYWAY/ RIGHT ? HIS DEATH MADE ME SO SAD. GOING THROUGH IT FOR EVEN THE SECOND OR THIRD TIME ... hes a great faather and i think his voice is cool

DW IM SO GLAD THAT YOU SPENT THE ASK TALKING ABT YOUR FAVES..... and im so happy that you seem to be really enjoying it so farrr ouguh... hope the rest of crimson flower and the other routes dont disappoint! feel free to chat whenever :D im always free to do so!

[rabdoidal]

ok idm public but its like, A Lot so here goes: Im a pretty new DM, ive only ever done little homebrew things with a few people at a time that havent gone anywhere. Currently, ive taken over as DM from a long running game involving 3 of my friends and my older sister/brother in law (im 22 theyre about 26) and im running The Witch Beyond The Wildlight (a very lighthearted offical dnd adventure). my brother in law was the DM of last campaign and the tone was pretty Brutal (like fighting dragons, surprise gorey moments, bad things happening to good people for no reason ect) i started this adventure off specifally mentioning saftey tools in the frist session because things like excess gore specifically really Dont Do It for me, to which Bro-in-law kind of makes light of the saftey tools (EG. "can we just skip part of the adventure if im uncomfortable with it") generally BiL is pretty chill/not a bad guy or anything but this irked me when i was trying to be serious about this and he was trying to poke holes in the logic of people wanting to not touch on certain topics? (1/2)

(2/2) we've completed chapter 1 which was just a safe sandbox area but now in chapter 2 we get our first fight (weenie enemies bc its lvl 2) and afterwards hes gone in detail wanting ME to describe how he can basically defile the corpses of the highwaymen he killed (theyre rabbit people. but he wanted skin/bones/teeth). which really yucked me out and i tried to set a hard boundary but i dont know if he really gets me there. This whole situation of him not really listening to me as a DM, and then him acting upset when i have to tell him No has made me really frustrated because i feel like he is just fully not on the same page as me on what this campaign is about and doesnt really respect my ruling as DM (arguing with me this session that a bird familar should be able to sign a warlock contract, dumb things like that?) TLDR: He is my brother in law, and i want to be able to play with him and my sister, but i cant get through to him, and he thinks my escapism fairytale campaign is darksouls. do you have any advice?

Sounds like a real bummer, I'm sorry to hear that! I have experience with voiding tone boundaries on both sides, though both more incidental and because of unclear communication - I've definitely pulled back from gorey descriptions in fights because players were uncomfortable, and I've had to tell players to tone it down because it was inappropriate. It's hard especially when the genre of the campaign is different to the last and there are different expectations of violence - I hope the more they explore the feywild the more he understands the tone for the genre.

If you want to go outside the boundaries of the pre-made module, creating non-violent combat encounters can help curb the more gorey aspects of battles - but if you are more comfortable sticking with the written encounters (which is fair when using pre-made modules), I think you just have to be firm with him. It sounds like an annoying situation, where you don't want to kick him out but he also wants to be a kinda shitty player - I really hope he cares enough to listen to you and continue the game without continuing to be a nuisance.

In the example you used especially - if he tries to pull another teeth pulling thing, I think saying in no uncertain terms "I don't want to hear you describe that." or even "I'm uncomfortable with that action so I won't allow it." might be the best way to go - you're the DM and its your world, don't let him dictate how things operate. A slightly less upfront approach could be redirecting the energy: I know that particular module is set in the Feywild, so maybe if he tries to yank teeth, you can describe the bodies turning into light or poofing away into magic dust before he has a chance. You could even have it so that dying for NPCs/enemies isn't a mechanic in the feywild - people disappear or reincarnate or turn into trees or are simply knocked unconscious - or they run away!

My tl;dr is don't let him run the campaign for you - players should contribute to the world and the narrative, but ultimately you are the one running the session. If he won't listen to either your feelings or your alternative narration, he might not be a great suit for the party.

If it helps at all, I usually get players to fill in a checklist (X) to make it clear what's okay and what isn't for everyone at the table. If he still argues about the importance of consent checklists, thats a red flag in and of itself. I hope this helped!

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[standarrow]

abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)

tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team

tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]

i may be projecting<3 its fine

to start:

im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.

getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):

there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it. 

but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)

bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger. 

obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.

starting to heal:

i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low. 

working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.

hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.

in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car) 

fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom

his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect

@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)

his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy. 

their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)

i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control. 

and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.

which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)

and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.

anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3

[varusai]

who do you think is the most dateable dark matter thief?? i know you have an opinion and i need to hear it

sorry for the late response anon i honestly had to think abt this one for a few days lmao, but yeah i have opinions. below the cut bc fr i have opinions, all of them have major pros and cons (based on my characterization at least) and really i just have to break it down for u

Boros, everyones obvious first choice, but certainly not mine.

Pros: rich, tall, pretty, fun af, passionate, will kill for you np, give you anything you want, literally anything.

cons: has a god complex, doesnt respect you, not his number one priority at all, will forget about you once its not interesting for him anymore, probably argumentative/combative af, is very very smart and has no problem manipulating you in all the worst ways, is very entitled so he will never feel bad about anything, cant win arguments either bc he’ll want to settle it with combat, will get offended over little things just to argue bc he thinks thats fun

this is a relationship you’d get into if you literally have nothing to lose and dont care about your mental health. like hes hot but this shit would be toxic af and he will ruin your life and leave you to go fuck around and fight someone on the other side of the universe. this will be the best of times and the worst of times for you and you will never be the same afterward mentally or emotionally. the only way i would even consider it is if i lost my damn mind. The only way a relationship with him would ever work long term is if you were physically stronger than him and were capable of putting him in his place OR you were smart enough, suicidal enough, and interesting enough to him to engage in some psychological warfare and reject him if he asked you. Make him chase you for years, say yes, then decide that /he’s/ boring /you/ and leave him for another member of the squad to just destroy their established hierarchy and humble him to the point that he’s obsessed with you.

i dont have the energy for all that, so i’ll just smash and pass.

0/10 completely undateable

Geryuganshoop, also a probable second choice for many:

pros: cute, nice, tentacle alien (obviously), will respect you np, will also give you anything you want, not antagonistic at all, telepathic communication so no risk of miscommunication, emotionally intelligent and available, loyal to a fault,

cons: horrible boss/best friend that you will have to listen to him vent about for at least 3 hours a day, complete yes man as well so he will not tell boros no or cut him off and you will be stuck dealing with this no matter what, severely mentally ill and wont go to therapy bc he thinks hes handling it well, workaholic, needs a lot, and i mean A LOT of attention

this relationship would be great if not for boros lol. boros sabotages his social and romantic life but geryu has been friends with him too long to either cut him off or establish boundaries. he has no backbone (figuratively and literally) and wouldnt even consider it. he’ll ignore you in favor of his job too, to a massive degree. also i think that while the telepathic communication would be a major plus in most cases, here i feel like i’d have no less than 16 different, never before seen on earth, mental illnesses projected right into my brain just from being within a certain radius of him.

im already fucked up enough in that sense so pass unfortunately.

it would be a yes without boros in the picture tho lmao

so prob like 4/10 iffy datablillity, 1 level increase with each decade of therapy he gets tho so a lot of potential :D

Groribas, my fav girl:

pros: straightforward, realistic, very clear expectations, will not fuck around with you whatsoever like there is no mind games or anything here, will kill for you, rich and non materialistic so she’ll basically just let you do whatever with her money since she doesn t care about it, cares about her job but like...a normal amount. she absolutely has a good work/life balance, highly organized so she will not forget important dates, loyal af and will defend your honor under any circumstances, mean but in a funny way, a ton of fun to hang out with if you’re into that, no eyes so i dont have to worry abt eye contact ever

cons: extremely high expectations, like exhaustingly high, and not even a bit of flexibility there, if you dont meet the cut its a no, she’ll let you know and leave same day, she will also bully you, you need a thick skin and great sense of humor to survive, bad at feelings if you need emotional support???? go elsewhere, shes mega emotionally unavailable, will probably want to share bodies as a form of intimacy

overall its a solid 6.5/10 dateability for me i love the directness and no bs approach, we would def get along well. however, while im not sensitive, shes def gonna hit on some insecurities at some point and it will cause an argument lol. but i mean whatever. it happens. the body sharing would be an issue though, same reason i wouldnt be chill with having a symbiote despite being a major venom fucker. i need my space i cant deal with that. so thats a possible deal breaker if she couldnt get over that lol. and she wont, so we wouldnt work out. i wish it fuckin would tho😭😭😭 i would take whatever crumbs of attention she would be willing to give me

Melzalgald, my fav they/them bastard:

pros: amorphous and shapeshifting aka extremely attractive according to my taste in monsters, tall af but could chose to be a more reasonable survivable size lol, self contained and self-entertaining so they dont need a ton of attention to be happy, funny af, rich, will give you whatever you want and probably a bunch of shit you didnt know you wanted, very fun, built in friend group if you didnt already have friends, extremely emotionally intelligent and great people skills due to living in a collective, stupid af by choice, like some of em are very smart, but they dont claim that, will say fuck work and tell boros to eat shit to spend time with you, will kill for you as well, but only if you ask them to bc their first inclination is to just bother someone to death, very loyal, once they like you they like you really forever, it would take some pretty extreme circumstances to make them dislike you

cons: annoying af and its unavoidable, will talk over you, all of them at once will talk over you and do so loudly, no respect for personal space, they dont even know what that is, will probably accidentally manhandle you, they act stupid but arent so they can be manipulative, even if it isnt bad and they dont really mean to be, impulsive, forgetful of the needs of organic creatures so they will bother you at all hours of the day and night if you arent firm with boundaries, disgustingly extroverted and will bring randoms to your place without asking, or just...make new cluster members and you have to roll with it, will eat or absorb literally anything you have, will antagonize and bother you for fun, major jump scare risk since sometimes the forms are....fleshy

this ones hard for me like theyre hot af and i feel like they’d be super fun and good partners, but god....the noise. idk how long i could deal with that lol i dont like people in my house. it would drive me up the wall, but then again...i can simply kick them out when ive had enough. they arent projecting mental illness directly into my brain or requiring me to share a body sintelligento major plus. creepy thing/symbiote style hot monster without any of the invasiveness so tbh 8/10 dateability

some people date loud annoying extroverts who dont understand personal space that /arent/ rich, loyal, or emotionally intellegent so i’d be winning on a few different fronts lmao

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Quirkless Erasure

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

In some worlds, Midoriya Izuku is the first quirkless hero. But not in this one, not by far.

Because his homeroom teacher is the hero he's always looked up to: UA's first quirkless Pro Hero.

----

Izuku isn't the only quirkless one, and Aizawa gets into the hero course via emotional devastation against his opponents.

anyway so: quirkless aizawa bc i need that

everyone thinks he has a quirk like emotional manipulation of something but no he's just fucking savage, he gets into the hero course bc he blasted the absolute shit out of mic

everything’s on youtube it’s one of the most viewed videos of all time

this aizawa's eyes are permanently gold bc i headcanon it's his quirk that makes his eyes black, not the colour they flash

"you yell because you have a constant fear no one is really listening to you. you play the class clown and don't try too hard so when you look back you think "i failed because i didn't try" not "i failed because i wasn't good enough""

"bro,,, bro what the fuck did i do to you"

aizawa isn’t even salty he’s quirkless tbh

"you're pushing this on me because it hurts, right? your loud, flashy but damaging quirk means the only thing people think you're useful for is heroics. did you want to do this, or is this the only way society will let you feel comfortable in the role it presses in on you"

"well being quirkless is rough but at least i cn be whatever i want to be"

mics just shell shocked mics not even using his quirk and everyone’s just uwu he’s erasing mics quirk

all aizawa does is walk is close and mutter "society thinks im worthless, which is rough. but you have to put your life on the line or you're nothing better than a villain to the people"

and just, lightly pushes him out of bounds

pls mics just in Love this guy tore him to fucking pieces but Damn

aizawa  helps him up off the floor

"so im probably not wrong but im a little sorry for saying it on live tv"

mic "youre amazing"

aizawa just goes bright red and starts sputtering

aizawa: the emotional devastation hero weakness: genuine compliments

consider 1A teacher aizawa just still made of emotional devastation, nezu made him promise not to use his powers of destruction on his children unless he was expelling them 

this is a quirkless izuku au too, mirio got ofa, allmight encouraged izuku to be a hero after the fight but had no quirk to give him and he manages to make his own way into the hero course

so izuku is a little analyst, gets mostly hero points but uses sharp rebar and poles to smash in the sensors of some robots, getting him a few non-rescue points either. Aizawa is watching like "oh interesting a non-combat quirk" and beside him allmight is vibrating with excitement

"he might actually do it!"

"who might do what"

allmight turns sheepishly to aizawa

"young midoriya on camera 6, he might just be the first quirkless student to pass the enterance exam to heroics straight up"

and aizawa can hardly watch anyone else for the rest of the exam, he adopts this kid on the fucking Spot

hes on the edge of his fucking seat, when nezu sends out the zero pointer. "this kid only needs 10 more points, just ten more" and izuku turns around to look at the 0 pointer and aizawa is like "fuck kid i hope you know what youre doing"

he manages to shove a piece of rebar into the treads, stoping it in its place. it tries to swat him like a bug but he just dives out of the way, picks up ochako and sprints and aizawa is like "holy shit holy shit these bastards better give this kid hero points for that"

like they are assigning final hero points and aizawa has to awkwardly put his hand up "i,,, should probably be excluded from giving midoriya hero points because i went from 0 to bias very very quickly"

allmight just nods sagely

"young midoriya be like that sometimes"

pls aizawa tries to act extra tough bc he can’t let anyone know he’s Adopted this child

for all izuku's brain hes useless w social stuff and thinks aizawa hates him but everyone else k n o w s

also izuku is the only person in 1A who knows ab aizawa's "quirk" and hes like, constantly vibrating w glee around the guy

aizawa walks in the first day, hears bakugo asking how this "quirkless bastard" got in, grabs bakugo w his scarf and yeets him into vlad’s room

"ok students, looks like we are a class of 19. any other comments before we start?"

and like everyone is so lost no one questions it

bakugo is screaming bloody murder until vlad "kindly" tells him ua has a strict no discrimination policy and aizawa would have been well within his rights to expel him

please nezu is like "uwu take one of 1B to make the classes even" and vlad is like "no ive already bonded tough cookies" vlad just adopts bakugo instantly

monoma and bakugou become bros, the baku-squad is 50% a thing, but its mostly 1B students but with pinning kiri. kendo and bakugo both keep monoma in line, monoma and kendo keep bakugo in line

during the sports festival shinsou is like "you must have a blessed quirk to get into the hero course"

and izuku just has this "really. this si what we're doing now" look on his face. hes just gesturing to shinso in exasperation, trying to make eye contact w aizawa hidden up in the commentary box

all you can hear from the box is aizawa quiet snickering as mic tries not to give the game away. he yeets shinso out of bonds and just hauls him back to his feet

"im quirkless you nonce"

"oh,,,"

"yeah, oh. what, gonna be embarrassed a quirkless kid kicked your ass?"

"nah i just feel bad for being a dick"

"ok you are the only valid person ive ever met, come meet my not-dad"

"wait what"

izuku fireman carries shinso into the announcers booth and just presents him to aizawa

you can just vaguely hear "no not kid" "but he'll be perfect" "kid this is live ask me after the festival" "but! hed be perfect! and you could train him to carry on your legacy of soul-crushing burns" "... hmmm"

"do i get a say in this?" "no" "nope"

mic just loudly saying "SO BEFORE WE WITNESS A CHILD CRY LIVE ON AIR AGAIN, AS ALWAYS HAPPENS IN THIS FESTIVAL, LETS START THE NEXT ROUND!"

there’s a counter “days since someone last cried: 0”

please its like "times cried durring all sports festivals" "average cry events" "number of times cried this festival"

aizawa being even more of a dad than canon, like hes a mess he sees on sad kid and he's like "wow that's my kid now"

he makes them soup when they get sick and leaves it outside their doors, refuses to admit its him doing it

soup cryptid

please mic is like 100% in love with him and had been for years but aizawa still has internal bias against the quirkless and thinks he's not good enough for mic so he cant make himself see the flirting for what it really is

“haha he’s just being friendlyL

“aizawa i literally want to marry u”

“awww ur so nice u mean as friends tho right?”

in this au ive decided that quirkless heroes are a thing, but pretty rare, in japan they are all underground bc villains go after them a l o t. there are some public ones in america but they tend to,,, die,,, pretty quickly

and bc there are some quirkless heroes everyone acts like discrimination isn't a thing anymore and quirkless people should shut up while quirkless people are still getting killed and committing suicide at like 500% the rate of people with quirks

also the suicide rate is,,,,, significantly higher in japan but no one ever talks abt it bc japan the “ideal place for people with quirks” so that surely means nothing could ever go wrong

izuku does the "its your power" speech in like 3 parts, before, during and after the sports festival bc he needs he bones w no quirk

stain asks izuku what his quirk is and izuku does the "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy"

",,, where are your parents"

"one abandoned me straight up and the other is giving it a red hot go right now, try me coward"

izuku but everytime he roasts a villain he does it in vine quotes

tl;dr in the au inko is like,, not ok w izuku being a hero and she's trying to do the "leave the school or you can't live here any more" ultimatum and it's not working for her

bc izuku said "ok bye then" and now lives out of his backpack. no one knows. he just like,, sleeps on the train

and iida is like "owo could i come over to your house" and izuku is like

"aaaaa its on fire. yep. made of arsenic and always in flames, why dont we go to the park"

everyone in 1a is like betting on what his house is like. they harass katsuki in 1b but he refuses to talk

hes like "hell no i got thrown into another class for talking ab that nerd eat my left tit"

they only fucking work it out when aizawa and allmight go to izukus house to talk ab dorms and there is literally no one there

aizawa asks izuku ab it like "kid you need to update your forms with your current address" and hes like "oh worm, she moved? wack."

“u,,,,didn’t know,,,,”

“nah lmao i sleep on the bench in a park near here”

“my boy,,,,,l

"what, ochako lives alone!"

"yeah, in a fucking house, kid"

aizawas just: this is literal child abuse i’m ur guardian now

allmight "hes my kid too dont be greedy"

"fuck off all might you already have mirio" "and you already have shinsou!" nighteye, from around the corner "ill take him!" aizawa and allmight "NO"                                  

mic adopts him nezu just sitting in the distance "well, its my school. i get the kid" one whole school full of adult heroes "NO ITS MY SON,,," izukus like crying "wait,,, you guys aren't sick of me? wild" while sobbing

afo out of nowhere: i’ll take the child :))) everyone collectively: N O

for self-indulgence, izuku is the youngest in the class for this au so they all call him their little brother

consider: quirkless aizawa is very similar to normal aizawa but he does practise self-care, he just tries to make it look like he doesnt because hes like that

if i dont take care of myself ill never be able to stand up to the heroes w quirks but also do i deserve normal good human things

tl:dr: he can cook well and is trying to teach izuku that 2-minute noodles and apples arent hero fuel

inko is like: "uwu i wont change what i cook for you so you'll just have to make do owo" in like, a pathetic attempt to get him to stop training so izuku runs off protein bars, electrolyte drinks and raw vegetables

just like, his bento at school. its only raw mushrooms, spinach, tomatoes and 2 full carrots

the only time he gets like a kinda valid balanced meal for a hero in training is when he pops by bakugous place and mitsuki forces him to stay for lunch

izuku is like "oh hi bakugo i have ur book-" "HI ITS LUNCH GET IN PIPSQUEAK"

hes just thrown into a chair, bakugo isnt even confused. izuku is like ",,,, so vlad gave me your book bc your house is near mums." "fair enough. hope you like miso salmon"

izuku just looks stary eyed

"f i s h ??? warm food bakugo id kill for you"

"deku wtf"

"i had nothing but 3 scoops of protein powder and 2 tomatoes today"

“dEKU WHAT THE FUCK”

"i had to eat the protein podwer with plain water kacchan. protein sludge followed by two raw tomatoes. i would commit real actual murder for you"

mitsuki always packs an extra bento after that

so like when it’s dorm time izuku gets rly stressed out bc he doesn’t know how to cook for himself??? bakugous in the 1b dorms and even if he wasn’t he definitely wouldn’t cook for him

1a goes on a fucking shopping trip, chaperoned, obviously

and they’re lining up and aizawa sees that izukus cart is only filled with like??? instant noodles and like two (2) fruits and he’s losing his mind bc yes okay he’s a child but he’s also a young hero and he’s going to get a heart attack by 20 if he doesn’t fix his diet

aizawa is like "izuku, you cant eat that" and izuku just goes "oh ok" puts the noodles back and comes back with a tub of protein powder and like 11 vegetables and a bag of kale

okay this is an improvement kinda, how do u cook it

,,,,,c

cook?

izuku just has a totally blank face

"i was just gonna like,,, eat it"

"raw."

"uh, yeah, is that not how u eat vegetables?”

"thats a potato. and some leeks. thats a fucking onion"

"it wont kill me though"

"thats,,, that not how you pick food kid."

“but vegetable??? good????”

"kid do you even fucking like any of this"

"wait, im supposed to like?? my food???"

yagi in the fucking health food isle hearing this is 50% laughing but 50% crying

aizawa: “izuku ur supposed to eat a well balanced and tasty meal”

izuku: *surprized pikachu face*

please even todoroki is like ",,, at least fuyumi could c o o k"

oh god imagine having a worse diet than shouto todoroki from 1a who eats nothing but cold soba and drinks juice

also please aizawa is like "kid i thought you just happened to be thin but now im seeing thats not the case"

bakugo in the distance "like inko ever fed him enough anyway lmao"

aizawa "WAIT WHAT"

whys bakugou shopping with 1a? its actually all 40 of the first years just descending on this poor little store. it’s this little mom and pop grocery store and a billion hungry hero hopefuls just burst through the door like 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒖𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒔

izuku is like "oh its too expensive" and aizawa is just holding a bag of rice, aizawa is like "its cheaper than the protein powder you have"

and izuku is like "yeah i mean its empty calories and im not paying that much for empty calories"

",,,"

"thats what you taught us sensei!"

"EMPTY CALORIES ARE ONLY A PROBLEM IF UR EATING TOO MUCH"

"and?"

"YOU HAVE 3 POTAOES FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS"

"i can put some back if you want?"

"THATS EXACTLY WHAT I DONT WANT"

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok but tbh, i think one of the WORST old school tumblr takes we never talk about anymore was the ‘abusers dont deserve to be cheated on’ debate. like. . . actually ? every abuser deserves to be cheated on, and as long as it works out safely lmao its a good thing when that happens, bc it means the person they are ABUSING might have the chance to experience real healthy love and safely get Out of there with someone to protect them :) one of the biggest roadblocks abusers set up is isolation and making the victim feel like no one else would love them as much or help them out :) like im sorry but fuck their stupid ass FEELINGS dude, that person is fucking abusing their ‘partner’, the partner doesn’t have to value that and treat it like its a regular relationship or something! like thats the flaw in what people believe about this situation, they dont have to coddle that bitch or give them normal partner standards or treat them like a partner, bc they are literally not being treated like a partner. do yall not get it, their relationship is abuser vs victim, its not an actual fucking partnership. the abuser is manipulative so it feels like it and it looks like it, but even though it can be hard to recognize, that shit is Not the same. it should not be TREATED the same. that is so fucking important for everyone to understand. how you react to an abuser cannot rely on what would be morally allowed in a healthy safe relationship, bc thats not what the relationship is. its designed with manipulation from every angle, and its hurting someone. so yes frankly idc how being cheated on would make an abuser feel. not in the fucking slightest. i care abt how their victim is going to get away from them and heal.

and ngl, this type of guilt tripping and victim blaming and abuser sympathizing is what makes it so hard for ppl to leave ‘’’’’the right way’’’’’’ in the first place. as if abusers dont utilize guilt and make getting away from them hard on purpose like? listen to me, nah, that shit doesnt deserve standards on the victims part, it fully deserves to be broken in whatever means necessary. you can look back on a toxic relationship that YOU were in with whatever feelings you want, but it is fully so disturbing and gross the way ppl on the outside romanticize it like it was just a normal love ‘gone wrong’ or like it deserves to be treated with the same standards and expectations of a normal healthy relationship. absolutely not. it is an abuser and a victim. like holy SHIT, if you are literally unsafe mentally or physically with your current partner and you find yourself falling for someone who could help you out of there, take their hand and run! NEVER let yourself be discouraged from that, dont be afraid that you’re being fucking ‘immoral’, they are hurting you, Fuck them, they didnt have to do this to you, and you are saving yourself and thats all that matters, dont let ANYONE tell you you’re ‘just as bad as them’, thats Bullshit from people who genuinely just dont understand. please if you’re ok with taking the safety risk, just RUN and dont look back.

and bro like ANOTHER reason this treatment towards victims is so Bad is that, beyond the Direct effects, its so damaging for the overall brainwashing mindset that takes place when people are being abused. like rn im convinced Someone out there is gonna respond to this completely ignoring the point with some judgey discourse starting shit like ‘uhhhm wait a sec have u Cheated on an abuser?👀’ when the truth is. back then i felt like i would be a monster to even Think poorly of them. i wasnt allowed to talk to my friends or family, and i genuinely felt bad when id have to, thinking about how it would make my abuser feel. i never DREAMED of smth like cheating on them. and i shouldve, honestly. i wouldve supported that decision looking back. probably would have gotten me out of there sooner than 6 years. but at the time, thats All we think about, Their feelings. it’s all we’re allowed to think about. we’re given the task to worship them and it works as a distraction too, till we eventually forget that looking after ourselves isnt cruel. we rly need people to Combat that by supporting abuse victims even when their retaliations feel ‘immoral’. you cant look at the morals of it like a normal partnership. we are made to feel like its immoral to even FEEL abused, so when we finally realize it, you need to support us in how we deal, instead of guilting us with implications that we shouldve ‘stayed a good partner’ to someone who fucking relied on us ‘staying a good partner’ to keep fucking abusing us. and man it’s So hard when you’re being abused to remember what real love actually looks like. you straight up forget, or sometimes you dont have Anything to compare it to, so if someone else out there starts to show you what its truly supposed to look like, hold onto it. don’t let go. if you’re scared about how your abusive partner will react to you leaving, and need some time to formulate a plan to get out of there and feel ready to take it on, ngl, i think anyone who disagrees with THAT course of action is the immoral one who just doesnt have enough sympathy for others. im sorry but grow the fuck up, abusers get cheated on bc they dont just hurt people, they corner them. fuck anyone who doesnt get that. like odfjshkfjhdf stop personalizing how you’d feel or have felt being cheated on, you absolutely deserve better than that!!!!! abusers dont bc they literally dont love their victims the way you hopefully have loved other people, so the sanctity of their relationship or w/e isnt goddamn real and can get Fucked <3 

again, stay safe bc it can be a Very dangerous choice, but damn if you see a way out by cheating on your abuser ? ill be clapping for you hell yes

[mydoorin]

this is long and made for no one but myself

I like certain aspects of C1, and a lot of Vox Machina is endearing and wonderful, but I find all of the first campaign really hard to watch

From a player and a DM perspective I just cannot watch a 5 1/2 long episode with half the cast yelling over each other and the other half doing world-breaking shit. I know there was a sort of loosey-goosey transition between their Pathfinder homegames and 5e, and Matt and Taliesin are used to editions older than 4th even, but there were a lot of times when I felt basic rules got swept under the rug for Vax and Percy but were unfairly or even sometimes incorrectly applied to Keyleth and Vex. Vax literally broke the game multiple times, and I know a lot of the campaign was like Matt’s gift to Liam, but it’s a campaign with 8 of your friends that you’re now producing as a show so it can’t just be about the one guy anymore. No one likes playing D&D where one character is literally touched by fate and can move 120 feet and doing 5 attacks a round. even if the rest of the team are like, high level barbarians fighters and spellcasters it feels unbalanced and it isn’t fun to watch.

a lot of the combat mechanics in C1 feel sloppy too, in terms that PCs didnt know their own character abilities or had a misunderstanding of how Action-Bonus Action-Reaction 5e combat works. It’s not really anyone’s fault, that happens when you change game systems, but to the point that I actually skip combat scenes, which unfortunately can be like a majority of the episode (and have really important character moments, like death). the Kraken fight comes to mind (there aren’t 40 feet fast eels Keyleth I’m sorry), it felt like Grog had the best grasp on his character’s mechanics and goals, and I was yelling at the screen for the other PCs to look at their character sheets. i dont know why Keyleth wasnt a water elemental to start or why Vax didn’t spend all his time stealth-investigating for the lodestones or why Percy didnt think to try luring the beast or talking to it or why Vex didn’t- actually Vex did everything she could Rangers have massive drawbacks. But!! These are issues I have with VM in most fights, theyve gotten better in their level 20 one shots, but still there I want them to please read their character sheets, bc Keyleth is an archdruid who doesnt use spell components anymore and can cast from Wild Shape and that’s tight as hell. Vex’s character mechanics still suck at level 20 but that is not her fault at all 5e literally just hates Rangers. And can we talk about that? Why do Rangers not get half the shit other classes get? How come Rangers have to wait until level 17 to use hide as a bonus action? Rogues get that at 2nd level. Anyway.

I think another part of it comes from player experience, and what kind of PCs are and are not fun to have at the table. Personally I dont like the fate touched concept, I don’t have fun as a player when one character is designed from the start to be more special and important, esp when that character talks about hating it so much all the time. TBH I don’t know why Vax is such a shit about the Raven Queen deal it seems like you got something no one else has ever gotten (she let you have your sister back bro) and you literally signed up for this. A God is giving you Special Awesome God Powers that make you more of a terrifying game breaking monster and you’re gonna keep calling the Raven Queen a bitch? for what? because you didn’t check for traps? because you didnt have a spellcaster that could use telekinesis? what about that situation wasnt entirely character choices lmao

betwen Vax and Percy (dont get me started on Mr. I Know Better Than Everyone, i really fucking hate PCs like that and i will fight about my distaste for percival von frankenstein monsterenergydrink the third) there are a lot of moments in C1 that aren’t fun to watch bc I know they arent fun for everyone at the table to play. it can be really cool to watch someone else’s backstory unfold, but if that’s all you’re doing it’s super easy to check out (I dont think it’s an RP decision when Grog has no idea what’s happening, I too haven’t been listening to Percy argue about this inconsequential thing to no one in particular) think of all the early C2 Caleb-Beau moments when it was clear half the tabl wasn’t paying attention, and how quickly that was resolved after people voiced their opinions on it (Matt for sure talked to them about dominating RP and making too many smaller moments that leave out the rest of the table, I wish a certain wizard would take it to heart), but that didnt feel like a conversation anyone had during the first campaign.

maybe it’s because i didnt watch C1 live or because I watched C2 first, but I have- not even a preference really a deference to the Mighty Nein. I think they’re more fun, more entertaining to watch, more emotionally involved and driven, better developed and created, better in all aspects, smarter and funnier and sexier than Vox Machina. I dont care about high fantasy stories with legendary heroes that are basically gods that is such a boring way to play D&D, I want the dumbass characters to use and magic to play pranks on local shopkeepers and i want the lesbians to have a slow burn romance.

I dont even wanna touch on C1 romance bc like, gag me with a spoon I don’t like the way Kashaw or Vax interact with Keyleth theyre both so fucking annoying. Idk why men cant be normal and talk to the fantasy girl they have a fantasy crush on, but Fjord managed just fucking fine.

i need to go back to sleep but in essence my opinions are that C1 was a classic 1980s D&D campaign that would have made Gary Gygax proud. And now that D&D is a lot better than it was in the 80s, more accessible and a lot less shitty, we can have cool modern fantasy stories that expect more from PCs, DMs, and the audience. We can do cooler, better things than we used to, and the structure of 5e actually helps facilitate more roleplaying between characters. The 5e PHB has whole sections devoted to roleplaying your character, and now Tasha’s gives everyone a way to get rid of stupid racist features and make your characters cooler. I’m really happy to see the progession of both WOTC and Critical Role into better, cooler, more awesome and less shitty versions of themselves (this isnt a WOTC defense post im not a shill they should pay the Dragonlance writers)

[bennifits]

i wanna talk about my walking dead oc that im coming up with soooo here

okay so like

the idea of ‘sound’ in the walking dead franchise attracts walkers and is seen as a danger or a tool to use against them. as far as i have been watching it (season 9 ep 6 ish now) i havent seen any ‘travelling bands’ that use sound or music to ‘control’ and herd walkers away or even distract. 

so like.... i came up with an idea for a twd oc where she (im leaning to she) uses music to her advantage to herd walkers n stuff away??? maybe she doesnt have a lot of combat skills (if not at all) and doesnt take down walkers as much or even people, so maybe she’s gentle, caring. 

is this an excuse to draw oc x canon? yeah (daryl im so sorry you’re gonna have to put up with this fucking idiot)

am i loving it? yeah

i was maybe thinking that she stumbles across the group multiple times throughout the show’s story. once at the quarry, once at the farm, once at the prison and maybe joins them after the prison? along that time? (bc i like the terminus episodes dont @ me). she could have been ‘claimed’ by the claimers, trapped and then the group comes and is like “yo we got you”

i also had an idea of her being from alexandria, but she wanders every now and then, which would maybe not make the quarry or farm meet ups but the prison as a first encounter instead. which im also leaning towards but i definitely do want this character to interact with the claimers and terminus.

maybe she could of also stayed in the prison for a bit and left when all the big bad governor stuff happened (when it got really bad maybe?) bc she’s not a confrontational type. mf just be playing guitar and wandering the country side looking for decks of cards. 

which gets me to before the zom apoc. what did she do? maybe a shitty highschool graduate who worked a shit job and parents weren’t really around most of the time? just the type to be stuck in a pit they cant escape from but the Apocalypse gives them purpose?

like, she becomes a traveller, a nomad but she’s happy for the first time. because she’s playing music which maybe it’s what always gave her a sense of belonging. she would sit around campfires and tell stories and sing songs, and maybe sometimes save her own life with song. 

WHICH OKAY I HAVE A SET IDEA I WANT TO DO

she gets bit because she doesn’t fight back

separated from the group, she remembers how they saved a life by cutting off the leg of a man to stop the infection. it works, she doesn’t turn but she can’t go far. so she almost dies alone

UNTIL DARYL MOPTHERFUKING DIXON WHO HAS THE DETERMINATION OF A FUCKING BEAST SAVES HER N SHIT

idk im tired

also a few small things i like to think she’s done:

found a old (really old) game system and a shit ton of games for Carl to play. 

finds glow in the dark stars for judith’s room in alexandria

leaves for big runs and comes back with fun stuff (board games, card games, puzzles, things to kill time)

anyway if u read this far dont be afraid to give ur own idea in my dms or in the comments,,,,,,