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thelaurenshippen · 5 months

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this is a genuine question not at all meant as a rude gotcha, but I feel like I've seen lots of people cite the relatively low barrier of entry as a huge advantage of podcasts as a medium, "if you have access to decent audio tech you can make a podcast" etc etc. So where does the need to sell a script come in? Is it a financial thing, and IP thing, something else?

this doesn't read like a rude gotcha at all, it's a really good question! there is a much lower barrier to entry when it comes to podcasts compared to tv, film, theater, etc. (though not as low as writing a book if we're talking about hard resources - you can technically write a book with just a laptop and a dream and then self publish! though as a writer who has written a lot of scripts and four books (3 published) writing a book is a much bigger psychological burden imo lol).

the need to sell a script, for me, is entirely a financial thing. if I had the money to produce podcasts at the level I want to entirely independently, I would! I know how to do it! but, unfortunately, I really only have the funds to produce something like @breakerwhiskey - a single narrator daily podcast that I make entirely on my own.

and that show is actually a great example of just how low the barrier is: I actually record the whole thing on a CB radio I got off of ebay for 30 bucks, my editing software is $50/month (I do a lot of editing, so this is an expense that isn't just for that show) and there are no hosting costs for it. the only thing it truly costs me is time and effort.

not every show I want to make is single narrator. a lot of the shows I've made involve large casts, full sound design, other writers, studio recording, scoring, and sometimes full cast albums (my first show, The Bright Sessions had all of those). I've worked on shows that have had budgets of 100 dollars and worked on shows that cost nearly half a million dollars. if anyone is curious about the nitty gritty of budgets, I made a huge amount of public, free resources about making audio drama earlier this year that has example budgets in these ranges!

back in the beginning of my career, I asked actors to work for free or sound designers to work for a tiny fee, because I was doing it all for free and we were all starting out. I don't like doing that anymore. so even if I'm making a show with only a few actors and a single sound designer...well, if you want an experienced sound designer and to pay everyone fairly (which I do!), it's going to cost you at least a few thousand dollars. when you're already writing something for free, it can be hard to justify spending that kind of money. I've sound designed in the past - and will be doing so again in the near future for another indie show of mine - but I'm not very good at it. that's usually the biggest expense that I want to have covered by an outside budget.

but if I'm being really honest, I want to be paid to write! while I do a lot of things - direct, produce, act, consult, etc. - writing is my main love and I want it to be the majority of my income. I'm really fortunate to be a full-time creative and I still do a lot of work independently for no money, but when I have a show that would be too expensive to produce on my own, ideally I want someone else footing the bill and paying me to write the scripts.

I love that audio fiction has the low barrier to entry it does, because I think hobbyists are incredible - it is a beautiful and generous thing to provide your labor freely to something creative and then share it with the world - but the barrier to being a professional audio drama writer is certainly higher. I'm very lucky to already be there, but, as every creative will tell you, even after you've had several successes and established yourself in the field, it can still be hard to make a living!

anyway, I hope this answers your question! I love talking about this stuff, so if anyone else is curious about this kind of thing, please ask away.

#answered #writing #audio fiction #producing #also I say I don't like doing it anymore #but that's exactly what briggon andrew and I are working on #it's gonna be a show where we just split profits equally bc I can't afford to pay them lol #and I'll be sound designing it myself #so apologies in advance #also my GOD lauren can you be succinct once in your GODDAMN LIFE #why are all my posts so long i'm so sorry #also I don't get into it in this post #but using my book example as a jumping off point #obviously it is MUCH more complicated than that #bc self publishing/promoting/etc.#and writing the book in the first place!#is an ENORMOUS effort #as is making an audio drama!#also the grand irony in this #is that the show i was referencing in my original post is a show i first came up with to do independently lol #a two person show for briggon and andrew in fact #and then I happened to mention it to some producers I know and they liked it #so that's a show I COULD make for no money!#but they want to pitch it out and there's no harm in asking around #and in the meantime i just came up with another show for briggon and andrew haha

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 11 months

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Trigun Stampede Character Thoughts: Vash

I've been putting off this write-up since I finished the show if for no other reason than whenever I go to analyze this funky little dude my entire brain just stalls and goes

✨ Hi, Vash. Hi. :) ✨

...anyways.

Here's a quick collection of thoughts on him now that I am finally more coherent! The hardest part of this was trying to make something readable with the sheer amount of things I could say about him. Geez.

(Please note that I have only watched Trigun Stampede! As of this moment, I am starting the manga and have not seen 98 Trigun. I thought it might be interesting to compare and contrast once I've read the manga. Bear with me in the meantime!)

Right off the bat, the show introduces us to who Vash is as a character - a pacifistic gunman who, while incredibly skilled, avoids confrontation when at all possible. When Meryl accuses him of running away out of fear, it's pretty quickly made apparent that, while it is out of some semblance of fear, it is not fear for himself. Rather, his concerns lie with other people's well-being first and foremost.

Or, really, his concerns lie near completely with other people's well-being. What happens to him is of very little consequence if it means everyone else is okay.

I want to talk about three different things when it comes to Vash, namely:

His incredible skill and competence

His terrible self-image

His solidly held pacifistic convictions

Skill and Competence

Ohhhh ok. So, I can't really comment on exact positions or maneuvers (I used to do martial arts pretty extensively, but it's obviously not the same kind and I know absolutely nothing about guns or marksmanship sorry), but I can sure tell you that I loved the way the animators had Vash move in episode 1 right before he pulls out his gun for the first time. I wish I knew how to make gifs properly because I would totally make one of that part. Even before Roberto's line that "acting brave is foolish" and "he's not long for this world" had finished, I was already convinced of the exact opposite. As someone who's done martial arts. Guys. The way he moves here.

It's a three step movement - he steps to the right, then to the left in an almost meandering way, shifting his body weight as he goes, before he grounds himself in a wide stance. It's slow, fluid, and calculated - a distinct contrast from his often jerky, exaggerated motions that we saw earlier. God I wish I had a gif. I don't think I can simply explain how insane it makes me. The animators could've just had him approach directly or run up to it - a lot of the times, with action heroes, there's a lot of flashy motion or jumping around, etc., which looks cool but isn't exactly something to be role modelling in an actual fight lol. But here? In the next episode, Nebraska mockingly says "this isn't the ballet" with regards to the dodging and spinning Vash does, but a lot of his motions... really are dance-like. He's damn near effortlessly shifting his center of gravity while remaining fluid in motion and completely balanced. No novice moves like that. He clearly has a lot of experience. For me watching, Roberto's line was refuted before he even finished it.

...which of course makes it even funnier when he realizes he's out of bullets. Oh, buddy. You looked so cool for a second there. Hjhdfnv

Really though, pay attention to the way he moves while fighting or shooting. He's always well-grounded, and the more serious the situation, the more fluidly and less exaggeratedly he moves. It's so, so cool. I don't know if I've quite seen that kind of motion in animation before, especially cgi (though it is possible I just haven't seen enough too...hehe...).

The episode 12 fight too! Again, Vash is balanced, even as he's being knocked backwards. He falls correctly, and allows his body to move with the gun. All his motions are precise and fluid. Contrast that to Nai, who is, uh... totally unbalanced lmao.

And then the way he tucks before he jumps out the window! The animation actually convinced me of this guy's over 100 years of experience. I actually believe it.

What's nice is that Vash, too, is aware of his own skill. He moves with a lot of confidence, and he clearly has a great degree of trust in his own ability to fight and shoot without seriously harming anyone - not once does he show the slightest bit of doubt in his abilities. One might expect, given Vash's refusal to kill, that he might be worried about accidental injuries when in the middle of a gunfight - but he isn't. Ever. The only way I can interpret this is complete confidence in his own abilities, and he most likely trained hard to specifically ensure that this would never be a concern. The trope of "character who doesn't want to fight or hurt people turns out to be really insanely skilled/strong" is always cool and fun, but in this context it's really a neat take on it, since I feel it is only because he refuses to kill that he intentionally developed such god-tier level marksmanship - I am going to go out on a limb here and assume it is much easier to accidentally inflict serious injury with a gun than it is to actively avoid doing so lol. He probably worked at being a really good fighter and gunman specifically so he could avoid killing.

I also find it kind of refreshing that he never calls his skills into question, since that does tend to happen with characters who have a poor self-image or low esteem. Which, uh, takes me to the next point.

Self-Image

Yeah, Vash's self-image is kind of in the gutter. He places the blame for all the tragedies that follow him on himself, despite the fact that he always puts in his full effort to prevent them from happening.

The majority of this ties back to his feelings of culpability for the fall. I want to direct your attention to the scene where Vash is digging the tally marks into the wall in episode 8 - it can't possibly be the number of days that have passed since we see the transition of the sun only twice and Brad looks shocked when he sees the all the tallies (which he wouldn't be if they had been there for that many days). With the way Vash's tallies look a bit like crosses and the fact that he greeted the people in cryosleep on Ship 5 by name in the first episode, suffice to say, he is probably making a tally of all the people who didn't make it through the crash - people whose deaths he feels personally responsible for.

Really, I wouldn't consider Vash even remotely responsible for any of that - he had the access codes but like. Zero intent or knowledge of what Nai was about to do with them. Regardless, Vash carries the guilt from it in the way Nai won't, because in his mind, someone needs to take accountability. Also important to remember is that the only reason any human being still lives on No Man's Land is because of Rem's sacrifice. Vash needs to maintain his belief in the capacity for human kindness and his no-killing code, because if he doesn't, her sacrifice would be in vain. He keeps her values and beliefs alive. She's in everything he does. Even hollowed out and stripped of his memories and identity, the mass of roots and flowers that engulf July take on her likeness.

So, really, in addition to Vash just being a generally compassionate soul, his staunch pacifism is a refusal to betray her beliefs and let his mother figure die a second time. I need to fucking lie down.

With all this strain he puts on himself, it's really not surprising that when tragedy inevitably strikes, he is very hard on himself, and from what we've seen this actually manifests in a set of consistent self-punishing behaviours - I am of course referring to episode 3's "I don't deserve to cry" and his refusal to eat in episode 4 (despite apparently needing to, unlike Nai). This is very similar to what we see in episode 8 with him as a kid, where he goes somewhat blank (no crying, no anger, all his negativity directed inwards and at himself) and refusing all food except what little he needs to survive because "it's a waste".

The worst part of this though, to me, is that we see from certain throwaway bits ("one bullet is two slices of pizza/two dozen donuts!", his kid self's eagerness at the sight of the birthday cake and the spread of food, his first question on seeing the geranium being to wonder if it is edible) that he not only needs to eat but also seems to enjoy eating - so his refusal to eat is not only a denial of a basic necessity but also of one of the few things he genuinely likes that he will allow himself to partake in. In the context of Rem framing food as something to share with everyone, it also makes me wonder if his self-denial is something along the lines of "I don't deserve to share this with them". In that sense, it's really important that Luida echoes a similar sentiment as Rem (implying she wants to share this food/include him, and that some of Rem's views survive in these remaining people).

I do wonder if, because food is associated with sharing to him, that it has something to do with needing to "earn a place at the table" in a way. While I think Luida was trying her best to juggle a lot on Ship 3 behind the scenes after the fall and clearly didn't want to keep Vash locked up like that, the crew only started treating him better and trusting him after he found a way to help them. The unfortunate view that Vash receives then is: "I need to earn their trust by being helpful." Vash is a chronic people pleaser - I can't think of a single point where he does something solely for his own benefit. He has no desire to scare or harm anyone (quite the opposite!) so he goes out of his way to be as helpful and non-threatening as possible - hiding his true nature as a Plant (to such an extent that he doesn't know anything about his powers and has effectively sealed them away - he's practically human), masking his facial expressions by cleverly hiding his face or letting the light reflect off his glasses, trying to laugh off his competence as luck and his scars as embarrassing.

Is it because he doesn't want to scare people? Is it because he doesn't want to feel othered from them? It's hard to say. It's probably a bit of both.

Nai accuses Vash of loneliness and desiring love, and of seeking to fill that gap by appeasing humans. While I don't think this is necessarily wrong, it can't possibly be accurate as a core motivation, since Vash doesn't seem to really... accept a lot of positive interaction. Whether out of concern for others' safety, a lack of feeling like he deserves it, being secretive about his past and identity, or some combination of the above, Vash tends to leave a lot. He leaves Jeneora Rock's celebration early, tries to walk away from Meryl even as she's calling out to him, runs away from Home when Brad and Luida listen to the recording. He throws walls up and distances himself by laughing things off, or smiling, or simply not explaining anything.

I mentioned this during my live blogging while watching episode 9, but as Independents, it's intriguing to me that both Vash and Nai exist outside the cycle of dependence we see between the Plants and the humans - both of which cannot survive without the other. Nai appears to revel in this detachment, but Vash also seems to self-impose a certain distance between himself and everyone else - for all his friendliness and inability to leave someone hanging who needs help, he practices a lot of recognizably avoidant strategies. He exists on the periphery, never staying in one place too long (he can't), and treating every interaction with a certain kind of resignation - an understanding that it is temporary. He seems to expect the inevitability of being chased out over and over. The slightest of kindnesses given to him he always feels incredibly grateful for. Perhaps he feels that kindness is more than he deserves.

I honestly dread to think how he'll react once he regains his memories of what happened to July. I trust that he'll keep pushing on, as he always does, but is he going to remember that he deserves to eat and smile?

I really hope so. Otherwise I will need Meryl and Wolfwood to bonk him on the head.

Pacifism and Conviction

The thing about Vash's pacifism is that it's very difficult to tell whether it is primarily motivated by love or guilt. Vash carries an incredible amount of survivor's guilt with him and he absolutely is doing his best to keep Rem's memory alive, but I don't think it can be denied that he isn't just acting out Rem's beliefs - he really does believe in them himself. He's also genuinely compassionate and does care and become invested in the well-being of others. In the end, I'm not sure it really matters. I don't think the guilt or love can be easily extricated from each other at this point; they are both powerful drivers of his actions and core to his identity as a person, and while this is not exactly ideal for getting him to be kind to himself, they both strongly feed into his continuous choice to be kind to others.

And it is a choice, not naivety, as pacifism is so often brushed off as. Vash's compassion is something he chooses over and over again, in spite of the way he is often treated, and the way his powers hold far more potential for destruction than even Knives. Wolfwood thinks that Vash doesn't understand harsh realities and is going to receive a rude awakening but he does understand - Vash just chooses not to accept violence as the only way forward and believes that things can change and improve, and is willing to expend that energy and extra hurt into making that a reality. Nai thinks Vash is helpless and brainwashed into his belief - note the way Vash frequently appears as his child self when Nai tampers with his Gate or his memories; the implication here is that Nai sees Vash as incapable of making choices for himself and in need of protection - but not only is this horribly demeaning to Vash's personhood, it simply isn't true. Even Meryl chews him out for what looked like running away to her early on, and Roberto thinks he's going to get himself killed sooner or later. Everyone underestimates Vash, at least at first. And well, it's easy to. He's just a silly little guy! He's a bleeding heart who tries to help everyone he comes across! He talks about nobody needing to die in a world where most everyone is starving and desperate! To the people in-universe, he would look like a total fool, and far too idealistic to last long.

Except, he has. He's around 150 years old, he's scarred to hell and back, but he's still alive and he still chooses kindness. That takes a special kind of improbable mental resilience and stubborn conviction - and that's what most of the other characters overlook. Vash is, indeed, very sensitive and emotional and an idealist - he's also much tougher and more rational than hardly anyone gives him credit for. He's an excellent judge of character too!

His ideals and that stubborn faith are everything that makes Vash who he is.

This scene in episode 12 is the only true moment of triumph in what is otherwise a tragedy all around. Nai would go as far as to destroy Vash’s very identity to get his brother back, but at the cost of losing everything that makes him Vash. These ideals are the core of “Vash the Stampede”, and no matter how foolish they may seem or how little others understand his conviction, this is an identity he has chosen for himself. It’s who he is. And this assertion, coming directly on the heels of Nai trying to erase him and remove that autonomy, is an undeniable brief triumph in the midst of it all. Nai will always be Vash’s brother, and he will always love him I’m sure, but they diverged in their persons a long, long time ago, and Vash adamantly refuses to be an extension of or accomplice to his brother’s crusade of hatred… even if that means going against him.

Vash’s kindness is so necessary to a world like the one we see in the series, on the verge of extinction and giving up. Approaching situations with understanding and communication is really the only way to help improve understanding amongst others - and this is one of his biggest strengths; it's even reflected in his use of his Plant abilities (communicating between himself and the other Plants, the way he can open a path both to and from the higher dimension unlike anyone else). In this way, Vash is something of a necessary conduit. I just wish he'd let himself feel a little more tbh. He represses a lot - he canonically won't allow himself to cry if he feels responsible, any flashes of anger are brief, he doesn't stick around to have fun really. Personally, I'd like to see him allow himself grief through tears, a little bit of genuine letting loose and celebrating, and actually expressing things like irritation and annoyance next season. Perhaps that's wishful thinking.

I don't know how to accurately summarize my thoughts on Vash well enough other than to say, in keeping with the whole Plant thing, he reminds me strongly of dandelions. Bright, cheery, grow through cracks and root where you don't expect them to ever be able to eke out a living. Regarded as a weed by many but very difficult to get rid of. Hardy, resilient, and pop back up after being beaten down. Kids make wishes on them.

Anyways. Hugs him hugs him hugs him x 60,000,000,000

#fuck this is absolute garbage but i've run out of steam and the words just aren't happening so this is what i have to offer lol #i feel like i could've expressed a LOT of these points better. alas. after days of working on this it's what i've got.#when i do the other character thoughts i'll expand on the relationship between the twins #and... whatever is going on with wolfwood (their conflicting views but also concern?)#but for now i think this will have to do i've rambled enough #storyrambles #<-sure did.#trigun #tristamp #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #tristamp meta #<-it's more a messy word collection than a meta but. sure. idk how to tag this agh #if i have referenced something incorrectly please let me know and i'll fix it!

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harlequinalis · 11 months

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Fuck it it's bird time again

#barn owl #osprey #california quail #anna's hummingbird #mourning dove #more bird art!!#since the first one blew up with like 900 notes i figured i might as well lol #i was referencing photos as a study thing but i'm not super pleased how they came out. oh well #my secret is to make everything fuzzy and colorful so you don't notice how little detail i put in 💀#anyways the osprey is actually from a character meme im working on that i just ran through a filter. i just wanted to include it #so if you see it again that's why 🤭#my art

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cerealmonster15 · 1 year

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azuls so weird lol

#twisted wonderland #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper #riddle rosehearts #jamiazu #azurido #??? i think???#azjami #whatever close enough #cereal tries to draw #twst #anyway my point is azul likes smart Red Themed Boys that are Rude To Him #im directly referencing [but not directly quoting bc i didnt wanna look em up]#a line in book 4 and a line in book 6 #i just love how post jamil overblot jamils on a tirade like I DONT LIKE YOU and NO i wont be your friend azul you little FREAK #and azuls just like hah hah hah. i like you more now. :)#and riddle is just. all around Unhinged Forever and azul is SO DESPERATE for riddle to see him as an equal #i fucking forgot there was that line where azul legit was like IF SOMEONE TOLD U TO JUMP OFF A CLIFF WOULD YOU???#and riddle straight up said yea. if there was a rule that said to. LIKE HELLLOOOO RIDDLE i love u youre insane <3 #my son. azuls crush LOL #anyway i make the same joke forever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#a low effort doodle #i hurt my back in the shower teehee. i was just standing there and then i was in So Much Pain #i have a heating pad on it now #but i had to draw the boys. i had to get this outta my system #ok thanks im done now bye <- lying probably

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jiiyawns · 2 years

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lil gift for @chaoxfix because this chapter still lives in my head rent free

#sonic #classic sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #miles tails prower #classic tails #i like Knew tails is supposed to be drenched still bc he literally just got out of the water but i still didn't like #draw that properly save a few droplets bc imma be real man. i was struggling.#modern sonic artist in shambles trying to draw classic characters it was rough out there HGALKSDJFSKLJDFK #my art #fanart #actually classic sonic is easier for me than modern . i think im just still not good at the sonic style lol #i also drafted this more from memory than referencing the fic other than dialogue so i forgot some of the in betweens... but #comics and writing being 1 to 1 is hard just like when doign film adaptations of books so i guess. creative liberties.#me cutting myself off before getting to draw embarrassed sonic tho. sadge #draw

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icewindandboringhorror · 8 months

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I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!'#(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

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good-beanswrites · 9 months

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Hello!! I really love your writing! I like the way you write interactions between characters and how well you maintain their personalities! Sometimes, after I read these, I need to take a few moments to realize that they are not actually canon. (For me, they still are <3).

If it's not a bother, I would like to request Compliment + Yuno and any other character that you think will fit well!

Because of Yuno's past work, I always thought that the compliments her clients would give didn't truly mean much to her. At first, maybe these words gave her some warmth, but with time, she realized that these words were nothing more than superficial. And I think it would be nice to see Yuno actually being happy with the sincerity of a compliment addressed to her!

Thank you!!

Hi hello?? This is like the greatest compliment a writer could dream of thank you??? I have been very normal about this ;__;✨ And thank you for the request, I absolutely love that concept -- it's perfect for Yuno! I think between being so used to shallow/physical compliments combined with the fact that she has a lot of self-love already, a new type of compliment could really affect her. I debated on a few characters, but ended up setting this late T1 with Kotoko

Yuno was always complimented on her smile. It was beautiful, she was told. It was pure. Sweet. Innocent. Her lipstick looked nice. Her lips in general looked nice. She was just so… nice. Yuno was glad to have such a bright smile; it hid how much she was wanted to pick up the cards from her solitaire game and throw them as hard as she could at Shidou's face.

“Don’t worry, when you get to be my age, you’ll understand,” he was saying. “But I do love your optimism…”

She stretched that smile as far as it would reach. Shidou kept talking as he stood to leave, and she answered as politely and simply as possible. Once out of sight, she allowed herself a single, dramatic eyeroll. Everyone older than her thought they knew more than her. Men always thought they knew more than her.

But she wasn’t about to let it ruin the rest of her day. She turned her attention back to the cards, already working to forget the whole conversation. She’d nearly lost herself in new thoughts when a voice startled her at the end of the table.

“You’re strong, Yuno.”

She looked up to find Kotoko staring. She smirked at the comment -- she knew she had nothing on someone like her. The woman exuded strength, and had made more than one comment about the other prisoners’ physical fitness. Yuno flexed her right arm. “I didn’t do very well in the tournament, but thanks, I guess!”

Confusion flashed over her face. “No, not the arm wrestling thing we did the other day.”

“Oh, when we all jumped rope after dinner last week?”

“No, no. I mean… as a person.” Kotoko scooted closer. She always had a calculating look on her face, studying everyone around her. Yuno had expected to feel uncomfortable under such a gaze, (many of the other prisoners had voiced the sentiment,) but there was something almost pleasant about the way Kotoko stared. Yuno couldn’t put her finger on it.

She waved her hand dismissively. She knew the best way to accept praise was to play it down, just a bit. “Eh, sometimes it's gotta be like that, you know? I just do what I can to make it through the day, I wouldn't call that strong or anything…”

“Well I would.” Her gaze was level. “I think the way you handle everyone, never compromising on your own values, is very impressive. I’ve seen the way the others talk to you here. I can only imagine, with the line of work you’re in, what utter scumbags you’ve had to deal with on a daily basis. And yet,” she tipped her head, and Yuno suddenly understood. Kotoko looked at people as if she actually saw them. “You’ve never once raised your voice. Or scowled. Or even cried. Being sent to a place like this, after what you’ve done, it’d be enough to infuriate anyone.”

She surveyed the room, adding, “I'm still figuring this place out, but I can tell it's designed to break us. Which is why we need to stay strong. I just wanted to tell you, from one woman to another -- I'm glad to have someone like you fighting with me.”

Yuno’s smile had faded to surprise. At that moment, she did something that she hadn’t in an awfully long time.

She blushed at the compliment.

Maybe it was the way Kotoko said it. She wasn't the type of person to say anything she didn't mean. Maybe it was the fact that it was something new, not another comment about her lips or her laugh or her body. Or maybe it was because Yuno was tempted to believe it.

She’d heard so many voices lately, whispering how weak and helpless she must be to end up in this whole mess. The other prisoners, too, treated her according to her small build and unbroken nails. She suddenly realized how close she’d come to falling into the same mindset.

Getting a hold of herself, she made her voice light. “Well, I'd say the same to you, but I think you already know that, heh. But… thanks for saying all that.”

“Of course.” Kotoko’s smile was neither sweet nor innocent, but it was certainly honest. “I mean it.”

Yuno nodded. “I know.”

#milgram #yuno kashiki #kotoko yuzuhira #waahhh thank you again! im always so amazed by your theories and write-ups -- it means a lot you enjoyed these :'D #i do love that for yuno mmm #she deserves a meaningful compliment from someone who understands 👏#kotoko is pretty close to her age and (might) have experience with mistreated young women #so i think shed have a soft spot for her!#also this is referencing yamanakas tweet about them arm wrestling and yuno was the strongest woman (besides kotoko) ill reblog that lol #once deep cover comes out i want to write some more t2 kotoko - i just have no idea where her heads at rn 🤔#i really wanted to write fuuta but ive already written a whole fic about their dynamic and i should really try something new LMAO #drabbles

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