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#so i probably missed a lot
granhairdo · 10 months
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when i saw les mis us this year i saw the understudy for montparnasse and thought he was really good but now that im gonna see it again im hoping we get the og dude so i can see his portrayal as well
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solidwater05 · 10 months
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Apparently this needs to be said so
Forgetting things is morally neutral! Memory issues are morally neutral!
You're not a bad person if you...
forget things quickly
forget people
can't remember entire stages of your life
can't remember important things
can remember some things very well and forget other things all the time
can't remember things (or anything!) about your interests
forget to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, etc
forget to reply to texts
remember things and immediately forget them again
can't remember birthdays, events, etc
frequently answer 'I forgot' to questions
can't retain new information
forget things you used to know
only remember things when it's too late
have vague, distorted and/or unreliable memories
depend on others to know how an event you were in played out
have other symptoms that are worsened by memory issues and vice versa
... and anything else I might have missed!
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buggachat · 1 year
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Part 178 of my bakery “enemies” au!
baking montage!
First / Prev / Next / All
Kofi
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months
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While you were fighting in the war, I was falling in a pit.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
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canisalbus · 9 months
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✦ 2023 summary of art ✦
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Style swap- Invader Zim and Psychonauts
Cause I thought it would be fun and practice
.
(Please do not use or repost my works anywhere without explicit permission from me first thank you <3)
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sad-leon · 4 months
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(good future) Finding Home Pride edition <3
Trans Leo pride is something I see a lot, but personally, FH Leo wouldn't celebrate his gender. He grew up around Gali, who went through a lot of gender struggles, especially in his younger years, and with the brothers being so accepting, it's just another part of his life
But his lack of romantic attraction? That's something that stands out to him. He sees the brothers with their own attractions and crushes and such and realizes he stands out. He's different. But that's okay because he's still him and he's still valid
anyways~ it's pride month, which means i get to be even more annoying about aro pride ^-^
that final shot without text:
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bluastro-yellow · 1 year
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Kurvitz stresses that Kim doesn't actually have a character sheet hidden in Disco Elysium's code. Imagining that Lieutenant Kitsuragi has only one natural attribute point in Motorics helps the ZA/UM team to understand the depth of his character beyond what's referenced in the game's dialogue. "We just came up with this stuff for coherency," says Kurvitz. "And because we're nerds."
"I like to think Kim has a Thought Cabinet project called Revolutionary Aerostatic Brigades that he's worked on since he was a teenager," Kurvitz says. "This raises the learning caps for his Reaction Speed and Interfacing."
Kim's high Volition skill makes him impervious to prying, Kurvitz says, as the detective can find out on occasions being met with Kim's brick-wall resolve. Kim often chastises these whims of the detective's, but will occasionally play along. The Lieutenant finds his new partner funny, says Kurvitz.
Kim is naturally shit at Motorics and thinks Harry is funny source
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heartorbit · 8 months
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
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danieyells · 2 months
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Tokyo Debunker Stigmas, Artifacts, And Other Possibly Combat Relevant Information
Since we've met all of our current ghouls, I decided to share my non-comprehensive list of the stigmas and powers and weapons of the ghouls we've seen so far!! This isn't all of them because they haven't all been revealed or explained. But it should be everything we've seen so far! Let me know if/where I've missed things! I've also mentioned some other details for some of them, namely the less human ghouls.
Jin Kamurai
Stigma
Incantation - Bianerus
Effect - forces the target to obey his command.
Currently cannot be activated without the PC's enhancement. At present, only Tohma, the PC, and few if any others know this.
Incantation can be recited mentally
Continuous commands("kneel") only seem to last a few minutes at most
Artifact
Sword - teleportation
Can be used to cut a portal into the air for teleporting someone with him, but doesn't appear to need this for just teleporting Jin
Tohma Ishibashi
Stigma
Incantation - Argeas
Effect - "lets him send vibrations long distances"
Vibrations include the vibrations from his voice, allowing his voice to carry longer distances, making him heard further away
When enhanced he can break through anomalous soundproofing and better specify the direction his vibrations carry(as neither Kaito nor Luca heard his voice from outside the room)
Artifact
Halberd - ?
Other
Tohma naturally has "brute strength" which, combined with his stigma, allows him to essentially make earthquakes.
Lucas Errant
Stigma
Incantation - Iggnaim
Effect - creates a barrier.
When enhanced the barrier becomes visible. It's significantly larger and supported by a large anomaly that's invisible to everyone but the PC and perhaps Kaito, even unable to be seen on cameras or by Luca himself.
Artifact
Twin blades - ?
Appear identical aside from a difference in color.
Smashed through reenforced glass to choose him as their new master.
Apparently sound to Luca like a crying child. He believes the child must be begging for his help.
Other
Carries around a knife.
Kaito Fuji
Stigma
Incantation - ?
Effect - "can see auras sometimes?"
So far hasn't been seen/used, and Hyde didn't sound certain about what it does.
Kaito has notably enhanced vision, able to see things that are further away and surprisingly skilled at reading lips.
Kaito screams when Luca's stigma is enhanced, looking straight up at the anomaly it spawned despite no one else but the PC appearing to see it. While it's possible he only saw its aura, it's likely he saw the anomaly itself.
Artifact
Rogue bow - ?
Veers nonsensically off path when shot, except, seemingly, if Kaito truly wishes to hit the target(?)
Alan Mido
Stigma
Incantation - Yagsal Olbalsa
Effect - super strength.
Artifact
Lead pipe - ?
Leo Kurosagi
Stigma
Incantation - Haxs
Effect - super hearing.
Increases distance and precision of his hearing. Does not allow him to hear through anomalous soundproofing.
When enhanced increases distance further and allows him to hear through anomalous soundproofing.
Artifact
Bubble gum - can be manipulated into any shape when blown.
The longer it's chewed, the longer he can manipulate it
Shohei Haizono
"So if I chewed this one a bunch and stuck it over your nose and mouth...
"...you'd suffocate. Bye bye Honor Roll."
suggests that it can't be removed until the time he's manipulated it runs out?
Stigma
Incantation - Spurno
Effect - forces change in direction.
When enhanced the change in direction is more forceful, like a knockback effect.
Artifact
Motorcycle - ?
Her name is Bonnie. She eats food placed in her fuel tank instead of gasoline, including chewing it and even burping. She's picky about what she eats. Her favorite food is barbecue sandwiches, but she also eats jerky.
Sho drives her just about everywhere.
Haru Sagara
Stigma
Incantation - Bahnti
Effect - reduces gravity's effects on his own body.
Reduced effect of gravity allows him to move extremely fast.
Makes his body much more fragile when used. Possibly includes weakening his immune system?
Artifact
Deck brush - ?
Towa Otonashi
Stigma
Incantation - ? (has an audio file, but the spelling hasn't been shown.)
Effect - Controls weather?
Towa exhibits control over weather as his primary ability, however because it's not shown to be in response to his incantation it's somewhat dubious as to whether or not it's actually his stigma.
Others' understanding of Towa's stigma is only that he controls lightning and that other weather patterns are random, not in response to Towa's feelings.
The weather reacts to Towa's emotions, causing the sky to darken in preparation of rain, lightning, or snowstorms when he's angry.
When Towa was away from Jabberwock for a day the nature conditions deteriorated significantly, with water drying up and the sky dark despite it being sunny the previous day. This may be coincidental, as Darkwick's weather is said to be unpredictable.
Towa is also able to predict weather that he doesn't control.
Towa can create lightning(which he uses to electrocute enemies), rain, wind(used to create a pillar of water for the PC to land on when falling off the boat and to direct the rain sideways to wash bubble soap off of Kaito), snow, and possibly earthquakes(the ground is noted to start shaking in response to his anger.)
His lightning may be able to be used under water without being conducted into non-targets, however it's also possible he used harsh winds instead of lightning when destroying Otohime and her minions.
Artifact
Bubble wand - blown bubbles cause explosions.
The explosions are powerful enough to destroy glass that withheld a full grown Kraken.
Towa warns not to touch the bubbles, as they will kill you.
Other
Towa cannot speak during the daytime and is only able to talk when it's night. This includes being in Obscuary, where it's permanently night, however the cover of clouds doesn't allow him to speak during the day meaning it's not related specifically to the visibility of the sun.
Can speak to and understand anomalies, even those that lack speech capabilities(such as the tree on the hill.) Haru is aware of this.
Able to see and hear ghosts(Zenji) and possibly other things that only people who are "special" can see(the tree on the hill.)
Can jump so high he can essentially fly, although this may be related to control of wind(though there's no notation that the wind blows when he jumps.)
Anomalies fear him and obey him, particularly when he's angry, even to the point of kneeling out of fear when he's furious.
Ren Shiranami
Stigma
Incantation - Raothtas
Effect - Cleans things?
Has only been used to remove Calamari's ink from the floor when wiping it up failed.
Artifact
Swim ring - restrains target.
Cannot be removed by the wearer.
Has a rope attached that allows the wearer to be reeled in.
Taiga Hoshibami
Stigma
Incantation - Malab
Effect - ?
Artifact
Tommy gun - takes anything broken into small enough pieces and fired from it as ammo.
Other
Damage type seems to vary based on what was placed into it. Shards of glass created a swirl of glass shards, whereas bronze from a statue shot heavier rounds.
Doesn't seem to require ammo to fire.
Doesn't seem to work on everything as Taiga says his bullets don't work on anything lately. Possibly limited to hostile entities? (He was able to shoot the Oblivion Dealer, but not able to shoot the Kyklos--which ran away--or the Barong--which was non-threatening.)
Carries a knife and a pistol.
Romeo Scorpus Lucci
Stigma
Incantation - Tiris
Effect - "turns things into bombs".
Able to turn anything into a bomb, including non-explosive objects.
The size of the blast depends on how attached to the target object its owner is. If Romeo truly values something he's blowing up, the explosion is quite destructive.
Hyde has him testing various types of prototype anomalous explosive materials for Darkwick on missions.
Artifact
"To me, these prototypes are a path to catching anomalies in one piece." which implies most of Hyde's prototypes cause non-lethal explosions.
Sniper rifle - ?
Maintains his bullets himself.
Doesn't always carry the same types of rounds. For example, he only had smoke bombs in the prologue.
Ritsu Shinjo
Stigma
Incantation - Acimo
Effect - hardens his body. Increases his weight.
Artifact
Prevents damage from concussive attacks such as kicks and bullets. If you kick him while it's active it'll hurt.
Doesn't seem to experience pain in this state.
Can survive explosions and escape from collapsed buildings unharmed.
Compendium of Laws - ?
Subaru Kagami
Has the contents memorized?
Taiga taught him to use it as a blunt weapon.
Stigma
Incantation - Talnandio
Effects - psychometry.
Experiences memory fragments through almost anything he touches.
Passive, activates on contact with people, animals, anomalies, and objects without incantation.
Using it exhausts him to the point of needing a significant amount of rest, possibly even passing out shortly after usage.
Wears gloves and avoids crowded places to try and avoid accidentally setting it off. Feels bad about being able to learn people's secrets.
Artifact
Parasol - ?
Sturdy enough to destroy a possessed doll.
Haku Kusanagi
Stigma
Incantation - ?
Effect - ?
Implied he prefers not using it?
Artifact
Flute - ?
Used flute to remove himself and the PC from Kisaragi Station, knocking them out with some sort of ethereal water and causing them to wake up back on the empty train car.
Other
Able to see and communicate with spirits.
Able to perform various rituals such as laying spirits to rest and making talismans that allow people close to a spirit to see and hear them.
"Cordoned off the area" of the train and station the PC was on, which should have prevented interference from civilians. May be part of his Artifact or Stigma, or part of his capabilities as a Shinto priest.
Zenji Kotodama (Taro Kirisaki)
Performs the stigma test for Darkwick.
According to Taiga he's able to remove curses if the anomaly that caused the curse is in front of him. It's uncertain if this is his stigma, part of his artifact, or another power.
Stigma
Incantation - ?
Effect - ?
Artifact
Doll - ?
Heavily resembles Jiro as a child, according to Zenji.
Won't let anyone but Zenji touch it. Protects Zenji.
Appearance slightly changes to that of an oni when angered.
Has a mind of its own. Wanders around campus without Zenji, much to his concern.
Able to damage and destroy ghosts.
Other
As a ghost, Zenji cannot be touched, meaning he can't be damaged or killed. However he covers his ears when Haku performs a ritual to lay spirits to rest and covers his face in Subaru's warding card with incense, suggesting that he would be laid to rest under the right circumstances.
Darkwick is unaware Jiro is present as only Haku and Towa(and eventually Subaru and the PC) are aware Zenji's spirit lingers. If Darkwick were to become aware of Zenji's presence they would want him laid to rest.
Due to Obon, people in Japan are more sensitive to spirits and anomalies are more frequent, causing Zenji to sometimes be visible during the summer.
Zenji brings his doll with him most everywhere, however people can only see the doll and not him. The same happens with his biwa. If he carries them, they appear to float. In the summer people in Japan are more sensitive to spirits(due to Obon) and may see or hear Zenji when they wouldn't otherwise.
Zenji can touch physical objects(his doll, his biwa, and his phone) and his footsteps are audible if he doesn't silence them.
Afraid of ghosts, possibly the dark, and maybe dead bodies.
Edward Hart
Stigma
Incantation - ?
Effect - ?
Artifact
Cane? - ?
While his profile lists his Special Artifact as "??", he holds a cane in his combat chibi.
Other
Edward is, or was historically, the world's strongest vampire, implying a great deal of hidden power. As he is 400+ years old, he knows a great deal about anomalies that Darkwick doesn't listen to for some reason. However being old has also made his body and mind much weaker. . .allegedly.
Ed has immense power, which we've only heard of him using on the singular mission he participated in. Using it he obliterated an anomaly and a building in such a way that Darkwick struggled to cover up(unlike Tohma's destruction which was able to be explained as poor maintenance and age) suggesting he more or less vaporized it. It's unknown if this is a vampire power or his stigma.
Ed is able to transform into a bat and fly around. He doesn't seem to be able to speak in this form, only screeching loudly.
If Rui touches him, the touched part will break off(at which point it can be reattached simply by pushing it back into place,) ache intensely for a time, or he will die temporarily. However Ed is immortal and cannot die by normal means. He doesn't need to breathe and cannot be suffocated, for example.
As a vampire, Ed is rapidly exhausted by sunlight. Sunlight won't kill him instantly, but it will cause him to collapse. He claims sunlight will turn him to ash eventually, and he cannot be outside in the sun without a parasol. If it's cloudy enough, Ed is able to be outside during the day. He's usually tired during the daytime, but still seems to sleep during the night.
Ed is physically and mentally weaker during summer months, but stronger during autumn and winter.
Ed primarily drinks tears, although he mentions that he does drink blood in his character story and on the home screen. He finds that human food doesn't taste like much of anything.
Ed mentions that Lyca's soul is misshapen, however it's unclear if he can actually see his soul or if he was merely teasing him.
Rui Mizuki
Stigma
Incantation - ?
Effect - temporary relief of pain and discomfort
Incantation has only been said in his head.
It's unclear if blowing a kiss is required to activate it or if that's just for flair.
Artifact
Scythe - allows Rui to conceal himself in darkness.
Rui admits to using his artifact to keep an eye on others on campus.
Other
Suffers from a 'Reaper Curse' which effectively makes him a reaper.
Cannot make skin contact with living things without them dying. This includes humans, animals, plants, and even mold!
Wears gloves, a turtleneck, and avoids crowded places to avoid committing manslaughter.
Absorbs the life energy of what he touches and kills. This kills almost anything instantly as most things are too weak to survive it. Absorbed energy goes straight to his body, preventing him from sleeping. He keeps himself as busy as possible as a result of having so much energy to spare.
Lyca Colt
Stigma
Incantation - Ramsochisa
Effect - allows him to follow any scent he's smelled before.
Artifact
Claws - ?
Other
Werewolf. Transforms with exposure to the full moon. "The speed of his transformation is affected by how much he's exposed to moonlight and his mental state." Sometimes feels his skin crawling when the full moon is near?
Covering his head when he's outside under the full moon prevents or regresses his transformation. Collapses after his transformation regresses from half wolf and doesn't transform while unconscious. Nothing happens to him if he's not exposed to the full moon on a full moon night. Obscuary is always a crescent moon, allowing him to be there safely during a full moon.
Werewolves have four stages: Human, partial wolf, half wolf, and full wolf. At 'half wolf' Lyca is an anthropomorphic wolf. However, he loses control of himself after he's been transformed for a while, and may attack indiscriminately.
He doesn't remember much when he transforms. He might remember less if he fully transforms?
Yuri Isami
Stigma
Incantation - Agnihaet
Effect - "hyperstimulates his braincells"
"allows him to logically process information and solve complex equations almost instantaneously."
when enhanced seemed to make the information processing instantaneous and extremely accurate?
Artifact
Syringe - Causes injuries received by the individual injected with its contents to damage the entity that inflicted them.
Jiro Kirisaki
Stigma
Incantation - ?
Effect - ?
Artifact
Chainsaw - ?
According to his Christmas home screen dialogue where he cut down a fir tree for Yuri, the chainsaw doesn't cut well. However in the chapter it seems to have no problem cutting through flesh. Perhaps it cuts through anomalies or flesh, but not other things?
Other
Jiro is noted to be especially strong.
Jiro was in a coma until an undisclosed time ago, when Yuri was able to awaken him from it. When he was comatose and for how long and why hasn't been relayed yet, however he was said to be particularly violent during The Clash, meaning he was likely awakened before or during it.
As a side effect of his condition and mysterious illness, Jiro has a poor memory, immunodeficiency, and his wounds reopen very easily. He needs four treatments a day, and they take around an hour to complete. Yuri is the only one who can administer them, and Jiro isn't able to do so himself. Even with his treatments he's forgetful and prone to being sick and has a bit of a fragile constitution. Abrupt changes in temperature, for example, make him choke.
Jiro doesn't react much to his wounds and being in pain, but he will eventually collapse from overexertion or illness if he misses a treatment or has taken too much damage.
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sysig · 8 months
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Ah, childhood memories (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Gaster#Having such clear external-view memories of what happened when they were young would probably give Sans a lot of ammunition lol#Not that they'd know any different - their poor memories honestly :( - but having such clear memories in places would have to be weird#Most people have childhood amnesia to an extent! Tho it's hard to say when that would've applied to them anyway with their sped-up growth#Not to mention the trauma#And it's possible that doesn't apply to Monsters to begin with lol - but it's all a moot point anyway since these are their only memories!#It's sad to think of how much of themselves are missing forever since Gaster didn't experience them :(#This is what happens when you get behind on your work >:0#I really wonder what their lack of memories/restoration of memories would do for their like/dislike of certain things!#Like how Papyrus says that sitting with Sans in his lap makes a lot of sense as to why it was so familiar and comforting#But also that knowing makes it sad as well :( Knowing recolours their understanding and interpretation!#Knowing Why makes things make sense but does it actually Help? It's a tough question - certainly it hurts in the moment#The little things Gaster has infected for them and for himself ♥ Like taking notes! Like chess and sweets and spaghetti and lab coats#And dark sweaters and cigarette smoke and hugs and intelligence - how many pieces of all of them have A Feeling attached#How many more have A Memory - and even more than that A Memory Lost and unrecoverable ughhh ♥#But the little things they can hold on to hehe <3 Like pinging Gaster for what they all know and remember#Why does he even keep coming over if he knows the reception he'll get? Lol#Feels particularly self-loathing and goes to get bullied as penance pfft
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somerandomdudelmao · 1 year
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ik everyone is excited about the disaster twins reunion and I am to! But im so super excited for the F!Leo and Casey reunion, I mean, the last time they saw each-other was when Leo threw him through that portal, Casey reaching out towards him as Leo turned away. And its just aksjsjsjsksks i love the two of them.
Oh. T h e m. Yeah, their reunion is veeeery special to me
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villain-byteniwoha · 2 months
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Going insane rn because why did BEAST Chuuya stay? Why did Dazai need him in that universe? I feel like I've never questioned it, because it's Chuuya and Dazai; of course they're always a pair. But narratively speaking, why did Chuuya stay? What is with all that vitriol and rage, the promise to kill Dazai one day for some unknown reason? It translates so well into this alternate universe because, in a way, it's one of the only things to remain consistent with reality that it's easy to miss.
But god, I just—what was the reason for Chuuya's involvement when he's not even a part of that story in the first place? Unless Dazai, even if it was BEAST Dazai, just wanted or even needed him to be there... for no other reason than to simply exist by his side... because aside from Oda, Chuuya is the one person the original Dazai does not have anymore........
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esprei · 6 months
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melli would make the perfect marcille from dungeon meshi and you can't convince me otherwise
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months
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Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.
(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#a-qing#jin ling#wen ning#jiang cheng#“Hey wait this feels like there should have been way more content for questions” Yes. There was.#I was not strong enough to redraw *all* of what was lost. Rest in piece the original (lost to tea related accident)#But I'll tell you all the fun other things that would have been drawn out right here in the tags!#Did you know my longest posting streak was 61 days? And my longest hiatus was 6 days?#Did you know I missed posting on 92 days of those 500 days - meaning I posted 82% of the time on a daily basis?#I'm normal about collecting data. I have so much data on this blog for normal reasons. I'm also so normal about art. The normalest.#Honorable mention for the character rankings: Lan Wangji! for “Most improved in rank”.#Sorry Lan Wangji fans but until the audio drama I honestly was...pretty indifferent towards him.#I think a huge part of that was due to the fact he's constantly paired up with WWX; who has *so* much charisma and steals the scene#But I've really come to like him a lot more since starting this project. He rose from mid-tier to being in the top ten!#Dishonorable mention: Nie Huaisang. Who fell out of number 1 spot and out of the top 5.#He just hasn't shown up a lot! And my rankings are fickle! They will probably change once I finish the third season!#My favourite comics are: A lot of them! And the ones I have yet to make!#I'm very sleepy at the moment while writing this but I do want to give a huge shout out to YOU.#Yeah! you reading this! Thank you! If you've been here since the first week or just started reading: THANK YOU!#If you've only ever lurked and never even liked a single post but still read my comics: THANK YOU!!#In creating this blog - I have found 500 days of more happiness that I could have ever imagined.#Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for giving me your time and your support.#It means more than any 'thank you' could say B'*)
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oblique-lane · 3 months
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more mercenary analysis, whichever merc you want <3
Not a mercenary but... Okay!
Let's dissect Pauling
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Always so collected, responsible and efficient. The one who is not afraid to get her hands dirty for the sake of a goal, and her performance is always one hundred percent. What could possibly be not cool about her?
Well, maybe the fact that this all is, in fact, an act. Of course it is.
I'm not saying her determination and dedication to her job aren't sincere decisions of her heart, she really enjoys it and shines in her work. It's just a matter of WHY and WHAT she's doing it for. And on what scale.
For her, her job is EVERYTHING. Eagerly working 364 days a year with barely any rest, masochistically putting herself in so much danger, blindly following the boss's instructions, not even hesitating to kill people standing on the way...
Wow, there's gotta be something going on here.
Well, obviously the Administrator plays A HUGE role in this situation. Why would Pauling trust her so much? Referring to the comics, Pauling trusted her wholeheartedly on whatever the Administrator was planning, even though she didn't know what it was. This blind following that vaguely resembles nothing less than a weird somewhat child-to-a-mother attachment. It's just a Boss, just a job, why?
Because that's what it is. Mother issues. Very apparent.
We don't know anything about Pauling's past, so there's where the headcanons begin:
I'm assuming her birth mother was very neglectful and dismissing, never acknowledged her daughter's accomplishments and struggles. No matter how hard Pauling tried to become "worthy" in her eyes, it seemed to be never enough, as if she didn't even exist at all. Maybe her mother was a substance addict or something and their household wasn't safe and stable, so Pauling had to become an adult early and run away from home as a teenager and find a job to get by.
(I assume that because I believe there was a mention in the canon lore that Ms.Pauling had been working for the Administrator for long long years (don't remember exactly), indicating that she started working when she was still a minor).
So, being taken under the Administrators wing, her young wounded brain found a substitute for a very thing she was lacking, subconsciously clinging onto the Administrator as a newly mother figure, in order to "get it right this time".
Administrators Strictness, responsibility and demandingness were the most favorite qualities of a person of authority in Pauling's eyes, in contrast to the laziness, unaccountability and indifference of the environment in which she grew up. She could finally strive.
This time she would show the mother figure that she's worthy, she's important and irreplaceable; she exists. She would prove that no amount of hardship is too much for her if it means approval for the Administrator.
And the Administrator kind-of-sort-of gave Pauling this pseudo-love in return, encouraging her to sacrifice herself even more for their work. Which is at the very least unfair, and at most just predatory. Administrators "love" was conditional, in contrast with when the real motherly love Pauling unknowingly expected. Administrator was too immature for a mother figure, too much in power for a partner or a friend, yet too close for a formal boss. What is this!? Something not nice.
The Administrator doesn't love Pauling for Pauling, she loves her working qualities. And thus, Paulings subconscious guess was confirmed that "I'm only important when I'm doing the job. I AM the job."
Tying your worth to what you DO instead of what you are is a huge dangerous existential rout one could choose. But she never really knew her importance outside of her skills, so she wouldn't know.
Now imagine how actually painful that character arc was for her, when the Administrator proved herself to be unreliable and secretive, and when Pauling started to question her intentions for the first time.
"... Because I trusted you!"
"Then why are you questioning me now?"
It wasn't even the real conversation between them, just Pauling's mind torturing her.
It reminded me of the crisis of a 4-year-old when they realise that their parents aren't perfect; they don't know anything and they CAN hurt you.This shattering illusion of almighty love. When a child stops believing that the "harsh love" their mother treats them with is simply an abuse.
Wouldn't it be terrifying to realise in your 20s thar despite running for "the mother's approval" all your life, you will never truly get it. If your mother failed to provide it to you at such a young age, nothing will truly substitute that, especially now, when you're an adult, no one will love your inner child the way it was supposed to be loved.
Unless you yourself decide to take that role.
...
Realistically speaking, it's not nearly that sever with Pauling! She's happy in the environment she's in, there's lots of interests for her to explore (Guns, fights, killin'!) So many adventures every day! Even if Pauling has her inner suffering, it's not that bad aa I describe it. Her mother problems may actually be an advantage, a reason she is such a good and caring boss for the mercenaries.
I'm just edgying things down for the sake of the clearer analysis. But still...
If the Administrator will be gone and Pauling loses her life-dedicated job... What will be left? Who is Pauling once Mann Co is no more? Can she answer that?
References:
– A video that helped me better understand the Good Girl mask:
youtube
– "Lise Bourbeau's 5 soul wounds model: Injustice"
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