#so i’ve bee obsessed with this song since the minute it came out

[val-is-angry]

Baby ur a haunted house 👻

[yossariandawn]

Tagged by @astarkey and @alwaysupatnight , thank you! I do love interesting questions! I’m combining these because it would take me days to think up 22 questions. Here are the rules:

Rule 1: post the rules Rule 2: answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones Rule 3: tag 11 people and link them to the post Rule 4: actually tell them you tagged them

Edit: I didn’t realize how long this got, so I’m fixing it so I can put some of it behind a cut. My questions first so people can decide if they want to play along!

My Questions:

1. Set two fictional couples you love on a double date, and tell me how would that play out? One word answers are acceptable if you prefer.

2. Do you like candles? If so, what’s your favorite candle scent?

3. What’s the perfect fic you’ve been craving that wish someone else would write already?

4. If you could have an 15 minute conversation with any fictional character, who would you choose?

5. Above question continued, what would you talk about?

6. What’s one weird thing you loved as a child?

7. Any songs that make you always think of a character?

8. How well can you swim, and do you enjoy swimming?

9. Recommend me a new show, movie, or song!

10. What’s your favorite food that you make?

11. Draft the perfect Zombie Apocalypse Survival Team, 5 characters from any show or movie.

and now I’m tagging @sandalaris, @fortysevenswrites, @starkidmack, @captain-k-jones, and if you follow me and want to be tagged in this kind of thing in the future, just tag yourself and I’ll know to send them your way! I never know who wants to play, and there’s never any pressure to do any I send, I promise! 💖

EDIT: adding @alwaysupatnight​ YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY TAGGED

and now for my answers behind the cut:

@astarkey’s questions:

1. Favorite fall activity? Anything outside, to be honest. It’s my favorite time of year! I do love reading in my hammock with a blanket before it gets too cold, though I’m not sure that counts as an activity.

2. Favorite song at the moment? Well, the one I’m most obsessing on is one I’m vidding right now, so I’m keeping that a secret. BUT, I’ve been listening to Setting Sun by Lord Huron a lot recently ever since @alwaysupatnight mentioned it in an ask about Culebra Seth. I hadn’t heard it before and I fell right in love with it. 

3. Last movie you saw in theaters? Oh, it has been awhile since I actually went to a theater. I wanna say it was the first IT movie, cause I remember taking my brothers to see that. If I went after that I guess it didn’t leave an impression on me.

4. Favorite emoji/smiley? I really like 🥳 cause look how excited it is! Close second is 😎 because it makes me think of the Geckos when I use it.

5. Cold weather or hot weather? Cold weather, as stated above!

6. Are you a past, present, or future person? Hmm, I’m going to say present. I am a bit of a worrier by nature, so I intentionally try and keep myself grounded by staying in the moment as much as possible, so I’m not obsessing over what I did or about what could happen next. I’m reasonably successful with it. 

7. From where you’re sitting, what’s the closest object on your right? Water bottle.

8. What’s something you’re weirdly afraid of? (For example, a hair dryer, airplanes, a microwave, etc.) Ok, so this going to sound very weird, but it’s grasshoppers.  don’t mind spiders, hornets, bees, any of the normal creepy crawlies, they don’t bother me at all, but I have such an intense irrational reaction to grasshoppers, like a real fight or flight thing kicks in for me. I understand they can’t hurt me, but I don’t trust those little sideways hoppers AT ALL. Also, I used to spend a lot time catching (and releasing) bugs when I was a small child, and one day one BIT ME, which I didn’t know they can do, and the betrayal was so great that I have never forgiven them. And then if you want to see something that’s even more untrustworthy, google the spider cricket sometime. I don’t see as many of those, but my friend had some living underneath her porch one year, and they are terrible. (also harmless)

9. Favorite snack food? Soft pretzels with cheese are always a good time. And now I want one, dang it.

10. Favorite color to wear? Blue! I love blue so much.

11. Stargazing in an open field, watching the ocean tides on a lonely beach, or late night drives on the highway while listening to good music?  I’m going to pick stargazing in an open field, because that sounds the most relaxing to me at the moment! But the other two also sound lovely.

@alwaysupatnight‘s asks:

1. Have you started any new hobbies this year? Vidding. if I’m allowed to stretch the definition of a year about 1 month past haha.  I’ve also done a ton more “creative" writing since joining tumblr, all these asks and tag games are the most I’ve ever organized my thoughts and put them out there for others to actually see (excluding non voluntary things like schoolwork and work) It’s been a lot of fun to do both, and really allowed me to push myself out of my comfort zone.

2. Read any good books lately? Not recently, I have several checked out I need to get to soon before I have to return them.

3. Favorite color of nail polish to wear? Or if you don’t wear nail polish, the color of the laces on your fave pair of sneakers? I don’t wear nail polish most of the time, though I will let children paint my nails when they want, since they seem to love doing that. And my favorite sneaker laces are just the standard white they came with. I’m pretty causal and laid back fashion wise.

4. Faerie, mermaid, angel, or vampire? This is so broad! Am I reading/watching something they’re in, fighting them, auditioning them as room mates?! I’m going to go with Vampire (Mermaid as a second choice)

5. What is your MBTI type?  INFJ

6. What does your phone case look like? (Describe or post a pic) It’s black, no design. I’m so boring an practical!!!! I picked it out based on reviews, I drop my phone way to much.

7. What is your dream vacation? Camping, with people I like. Maybe a road trip out west.

8. Would you tell us a little about your current WIP? (writing, art, gifset, whatever the project!!) Working on a new vid, I’d let myself get stuck finishing one up, and realized maybe I needed a break from that one. It’s a SethKate one I’ve wanted to do ever since I heard the song, and I’m just going to do it. It’s not AU? That’s all the spoilers for now.

9. What is the best movie you’ve seen this year? I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, BUT YES. Prospect was amazing, and does when that title! Runners up would be Priest, Crawl (I love disaster movies so much) and Knives Out.

10. What are your opinions on the child from The Mandalorian series? Really cute! I have only seen like 3 episodes, but I have seen all the gifs, (especially today 🤣) and look at the tiny adorable space baby with powers 🥰

11. What is your zodiac sign, and do you think it fits your personality? I am an Aquarius, I have no idea honestly. Maybe? Is there an official description I can read somewhere?

[missmalice202]

Designing Your Melody: Chapter 05 - Hands

Chapter 01 - Chapter 04

Nose scrunching up to combat the savory scent of freshly baked bread tickling her nostrils, Marinette groaned and burrowed deeper under her blanket, blocking out the bright rays of sunlight streaming through the skylight above her bed. Desperately clinging to her slumber, she rolled over in an attempt to find a more comfortable position- only to feel gravity take hold as she rolled right off the side of her bed.

Hitting the floor with a muffled THUMP, she struggled to free herself from her blanket burrito. With a gasp as she finally freed herself from her downy prison, she rubbed her head to soothe the ache where it had connected with the floor. It was days like this that she was glad that there were still guard rails around her loft to prevent her from rolling right over the edge and plummeting down to the main area below. Now THAT would be an awful way to greet the day.

Her eyes widened when she glanced up at the skylight and saw how late in the day it was. She was supposed to be helping her parents out this morning down at the bakery, not sleeping the day away like a tranquilized sloth! Clamoring to her feet, she grabbed her comforter and threw it back on her bed, haphazardly shaking it out to make it look at least a little presentable. She rushed down her ladder, missing a rung in the middle and fell the rest of the way down into the main living area of her room. She made a bee-line to her closet and took out the first two articles of clothing she laid her hands on before stumbling down her trap door and ricocheting off the wall, finally making her way into the bathroom to change her clothes and brush her teeth.

With a final slide down the bottom half of the stairs, she landed in the bakery on her butt, causing her parents to look over at her and chuckle.

“Maman, Papa! Why didn’t you wake me up?! Didn’t you say that you had a big order to complete for a bridal shower or something?”

Sabine Cheng dusted the stray flour off her apron and strode over to her clumsy daughter. She gently grabbed her hand and helped up back to her feet. “Sweetie, you’ve been working so hard lately; you deserve a break. Your father and I can handle it ourselves, so you just worry about your own responsibilities.” She reached up to stroke her hand over her daughter’s disheveled hair.

“Besides,” her father, Tom, interjected with his booming, cheerful voice, “didn’t you say something about a fitting today?”

Walking over to the peg where her own apron hung, Marinette slipped it over her head and tied it behind her back. “Yeah, but that’s not until later this afternoon. I can help you guys out until then.” She smiled as she grabbed a tray of warm, flaky croissants and strode around the workstation to the front where the display case was located. Luckily, it seemed that the morning rush had ended and there was a lull in customers. She took this opportunity to replace anything that was running low in the display while her parents stayed in the kitchen and worked on the bridal shower order.

Times like these - where she could spend a lazy Thursday morning with her parents in the bakery - were some of her favorite. Over the years, she had come to truly appreciate how lucky she was to have such a loving and supportive family. Especially considering that she knew someone very well who didn’t have that kind of relationship with his own father.

It came as no surprise that with how tight knit her friendship with Alya, Nino, and Adrien was, there had been many times over the years that Marinette had dragged Adrien home with her after a study session so he could have dinner with her family instead of sitting down at an empty table to eat in solitude. She couldn’t get away with it very often considering how strictly his father monitored his son from a distance, but when she could, she made sure that the lonely boy who had captivated her young, naïve heart wouldn’t be alone to wallow in his own sadness.

And her parents had been absolutely wonderful and opened their home to Adrien and always made sure that he knew he was welcome at their table whenever he wanted to join them. For the longest time, they had been supportive of their daughter’s infatuation with the handsome, blond boy and had secretly hoped that he would eventually become a true member of their family.

When Marinette had eventually put her schoolgirl crush on him behind her, her parents had encouraged her to keep bringing Adrien home with her to join them for dinner from time to time. They truly cared about him and wanted to take care of him, as much as they could.

So it wasn’t a surprise to Marinette that when she heard the bell above the bakery’s door jingle, she saw her blond friend stride through the door.

“Good morning, Marinette. Helping your parents out today?” Adrien walked over and leaned his forearms on the countertop.

“Yup. They’re getting ready for a bridal shower delivery, so I’m manning the counter for them since I’m done with the sample for Jagged’s new look and I’ve got some free time until I have to bring it over for his fitting.” She wiped down the counter and watched a grin creep over his lips.

“So, it’s a simple matter of give and ‘bake’ then?” He chuckled at his own pun.

Marinette rolled her eyes and shook her head at her ridiculous friend. “Wow, Adrien. That was just painful. Just… don’t.”

“What ‘dough’ you mean, Mari?” He leaned even closer, fluttering his eyelashes as he grinned playfully and he watched his friend try to suppress her laughter.

“God, you’re awful. How can you stand to be so corny? If your fangirls knew how horrible your puns were, they’d turn in their fanclub membership cards.” she giggled and covered her face so she wouldn’t have to watch him continue to make exaggerated faces at her.

With one final chuckle, he backed away and perused the display case, inspecting the wares for sale. “I’m no worried about that happening any time soon. I just stopped in to grab something to eat before I went to class. Can I get a couple of croissants for the road?”

She grabbed her tongs and placed a few croissants in a bag for him. “Here you go. It’s on the house. You know your money is no good here.”

Taking the bag from her, he smirked. “How do you expect your parents to make any ‘dough’ that way?”

Slapping her hand over her face, she just groaned. Sometimes she wished he hadn’t gotten so comfortable around her. His puns sometimes were really bad.

“By the way, when do you have to be over at Roth Records for the fitting?”

Marinette peeked through her fingers at Adrien. Apparently, he was done being silly. “Actually, in about 45 minutes. You just caught me as I was about to get cleaned up and head over to the studio.”

He glanced at the watch on his wrist. “I have a little bit of time before I have to get to class. Would you like a ride so you don’t have to get a taxi or take the metro with your precious cargo?”

She hesitated for a minute, then relented. It would be much more convenient to accept his offer. After all, she felt like he owed her for having to endure his terrible jokes. “Sure. That’d actually be a big help. Give me a few minutes to get ready and we can head out.”

After she hung up her apron and started up the stairs to her room, Adrien leaned over the counter to call after her, “Take all the time you… ‘knead’.” He laughed when he heard her groan echo down the stairs.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

In stark contrast to Marinette’s busy morning, Luka was enjoying a leisurely day off. Sitting on the couch in the main cabin of his houseboat, he lazily plucked the strings of his guitar, not really playing any song in particular, just enjoying the feeling of the strings beneath his fingertips. Eventually, though, the tune that had been burrowing through his brain couldn’t be ignored any longer.

He carefully plucked the strings, coaxing the melody out into the open where he could flesh it out and tweak it until it really started to resonate with his soul. He felt like he was on the verge of some sort of breakthrough when he was jarred back to reality by the shrill ring of his cell phone.

Carefully setting his guitar next to him, he looked at the display: Penny Rollings. He briefly wondered what Jagged Stone’s agent could possibly want with him so soon, then accepted the call.

“Hey, Miss Rollings, what can I do for you?”

He heard her sigh on the other end. “Luka, I’ve already asked you to call me ‘Penny’,” she admonished. “The reason I’m calling is because we need you in the studio again. Apparently, when Mr. Roth listened to the recording we did yesterday, he wasn’t satisfied with the final cut and wants you and Jagged to go over it again. Do you have any time this afternoon?”

Mentally saying goodbye to his ‘day off’, Luka replied, “Sure. What time should I come by?”

He heard rhythmic tapping, letting him know that she was tapping on her tablet, probably checking her artist’s schedule. “Can you make it around three o’clock? Jagged has a fitting before then, but it shouldn’t take too long.”

He agreed to the meeting and ended the call. Tucking his phone into the back pocket of his ripped, black jeans, he grabbed his signature leather riding jacket and threw it on over his slashed white Jagged Stone band tee. Carelessly shoving his feet into scuffed combat boots, he slung his guitar over his shoulder and headed out. He had some time to kill and decided that busking in the park would be a bit more productive that continuing to obsess over his mystery song.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

“Marinette, my awesome girl, you’ve outdone yourself this time!” Refusing to stand still as he admired himself in the mirror, Jagged stone yelped once again as Marinette accidentally poked him with yet another pin as she tried to adjust the fit of the toxic purple lapels of the rock god’s jacket. From the moment he had donned her latest creation, he hadn’t stopped complimenting Marinette’s handiwork. She had managed to properly fit the sample she had brought of the pants she had made for Jagged without too much bloodshed, but she supposed that was only due to the close proximity of sharp objects to the man’s family jewels.

Apparently, once he was no longer in danger of being stabbed in his delicates, the amped up rock star decided that standing still for a proper fitting wasn’t necessary. Hoping to distract him, Marinette asked him how the progress on his next album was coming. “I’m impressed that you’re already working on your next album before the one you just finished is even released.”

Her subtle distraction worked. He gazed fondly at the top of her head as she made a minute adjustment to the hem of his jacket. “Music’s in my blood and rock ‘n roll is in my soul. You know how it is to be a slave to your craft. I can tell just by lookin’ at the awesome art you create that you have that same passion inside your soul.”

She stilled her hands for a minute as she thought about what he had said. “You know, you’re very right.”

With a final pin placement, Marinette announced that she was done with the fitting and he could take of the sample clothing she had brought as long as he was careful not to knock off any of the pins.

Once he was clad once again in his signature sequined blazer, he flopped down on a couch pushed against one of the fitting room walls. Delicately packing her creation in it’s designated garment bag, she jumped when she heard a knock on the door.

Jagged Stone’s agent poked her head into the room and announced, “Jagged, if you’re done here, you’re needed in studio four.”

Groaning, he flopped his shaggy head against the back of the couch. “Can’t I get a break, Penny? You’ve got me runnin’ non-stop since I woke up. You’re stifling my creative juices,” he complained.

Not wanting to witness the inevitable argument between the temperamental artist and his fed up agent, Marinette quietly gathered her things and snuck out of the room, not bothering to interrupt the other two to say her goodbyes.

She made her way through the labyrinth of hallways toward the elevator so she could head back home. But she stopped in her tracks when she heard… something.

It was the most beautiful song she’d ever heard. The simple guitar playing tugged at her heartstrings in a way nothing had before and she was captivated. She’d never heard anything like it. This song spoke to her and demanded that she listen.

Following the sound, she made her way down the hall until she found the source of the music: a young man sitting in an empty recording studio.

She wiped away the sudden tears that gathered in her eyes and gazed into the room at the musician. His head was bent over his guitar, his teal tipped black hair obscuring her view of his face. His lips wore a soft smile and he touched her heart with his song. She watched as his hands danced over the strings of his guitar, effortlessly bringing to life his hypnotic tune.

She continued to stare in wonder at his hands. She could scarcely believe that those black tipped digits could evoke such emotions within her with just a guitar. The longer she looked at them, taking in every detail, from the ring he wore on his left index finger to the rugged leather cuff he wore on his right wrist, the more she suspected that she’d seen those hands before.

Shaking her head to clear her mind, she reached up and slowly wrapped her fingers around the door handle.

In the distance, she could suddenly hear the sounds of Jagged Stone and Penny bickering as they approached.

She quickly backed away and took off toward the elevator, once again not wanting to get caught in the awkward situation of listening to them fight.

Not realizing that the slight sound she had made when she released the doorknob was enough to catch the attention of the guitarist she had been watching. He jerked his head up just in time to see midnight blue hair streak in front of the window as she ran off. Shrugging it off, he returned his attention to his instrument and continued to play his secret song.

Chapter 06

*Ooooh, so close, yet so far. You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you? Nope. Our sweet baes are going to have to suffer a little longer, don’t you think? mwahahaha! But, I will say that we’re getting warmer.

Until next time, lovelies XOXO*

[backoftheroomandnotbelonging]

73 questions.

I was tagged by @enchantedamusedslightlyconfused

I tag @iamdorka  @xwonderlandxinxhellx @mrs-machinegun-norris (you’re my top three recommended tags)

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Like, a 5? I’m at a point in my life that I can go in any direction so I have a lot of freedom and choice. But, I have no idea where I want to be going so I’m in limbo and that makes me anxious...

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#backoftheroomandnotbelonging

I use it to tag any content I’m posting and Tumblr is typically where I’m the most honest.

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Oooo I don’t know

Colson? Yungblud, maybe Mod Sun as well...

Definitely Colson though - that man is a dream 👀

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

I genuinely don’t have the foggiest...

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

I’ve done pole fitness since I was 14.

What’s your wake up ritual?

Wake up, check the number of notifications I have on my phone, have a wash, get dressed, makeup, breakfast.

What’s your go to bed ritual?

PJs, have a wash, music, lights out, music, fanfiction, daydream, pass out.

What’s your favourite time of day?

Anytime between 2:00 and 4:30 in the morning. It’s when my house is guaranteed to be asleep so I’m finally able to just stop and be me.

Your go to for having a good laugh?

I don’t actually remember the last time I had a good laugh...

KellyVision makes me chuckle though.

Dream country to visit?

America. It’s kinda cliche but oh well. Definitely hitting up Cleveland for EST Fest and maybe NYC. Probably would wanna go to an amusement park as well - I just have this idea that they’re very different to British ones.

And NZ! My cousins are there and together? We’re hurricanes.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

This is one of those questions that I suddenly can’t think of an answer for.

Maybe @xwonderlandxinxhellx​?

I don’t even remember how we started talking but I never thought (I dreamed but never thought) that I would actually make a friend on Tumblr.

So, thank you 🖤

Heels or flats/sneakers?

CONVERSE! I will die in my Chucks.

That being said, ya girl loves feeling herself in heels. I can’t do normal heels so I have these block heel brogues that I adore.

Vintage or new?

I adore the vintage style but sizing often isn’t on my size.

Also love some dark punk grunge clothing.

Who do you want to write your obituary?

I don’t want an obituary.

When I die I want that to be it. No funeral, no nothing.

Style icon?

Colson, Dom?

I’m very into aesthetics that I could never really pull off.

What are three things you can’t live without?

My glasses

My headphones

The Bloom album (quite literally in this case)

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

Mixed herbs or sweetcorn.

Love Worcestershire Sauce as well.

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Colson Baker (needs a heartwarming homecooked meal)

And there are probably others but none that really spring to mind.

My mum, to thank her?

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Fear of isolation

I’m not scared of being abandoned (if you do that to me then you’re doing me a favour)

But I am scared of closing myself off to people that could be there for me and letting things get bad and consume me again.

Window or aisle seat?

Aisle seat!

I like looking at what’s going on about me.

And it’s odd but I also don’t hate the inconvenience of getting up to let people pass.

What’s your current TV obsession?

Roadies.

And nothing else will ever match it. It’s a crime it was cancelled before a second season.

Favourite app?

Tumblr, followed closely by Pinterest.

I think it’s because they’re spaces that are specifically for your interests, dreams, all that mess in your head and I vibe with that.

Secret talent?

I’m not very talented, not gonna lie.

I can rap all of Breaking News which I feel is impressive?

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

I’ve not had many opportunities to be adventurous.

Skipping school always gave me such anxiety so my body definitely thought I was jumping off a cliff or something.

How would you define yourself in three words?

Witty, fangirl, brave?

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

I have a green and grey checkered suit jacket that I adore.

My Adder Technology jumper is my favourite oversized item.

Black ripped jeans.

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

Brown leather belt. I don’t know why but I’ll never go back.

Superpower you would want?

Power of time? Just to like slow it down. I feel like I don’t have enough time to do anything so to slow it down and get shit done would be great. Or just to give myself a minute to breathe. We don’t get enough ‘time out’s in life.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Colson has always been inspiring to me.

He came into my life when I was 15 and literally saved it. He’s always going to mean that to me.

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

Mod Sun: I’ve always been a little bit reluctant to say I’m gonna be the best at something because I didn’t wanna disrespect other people, like ‘Imma be the best at something, you can’t have it’. So I’d never really be like that. But if you don’t say you’re gonna be the best at what you’re doing, your insides, that power that you have, doesn’t know what the fuck to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JUdgoHnL4Q&list=LLF69NADeUPVjZWSlZpeiGWg&index=3&t=0s

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

Just live, please. We were so close to not living and yet here we are. Please, please, just throw the rule book in the flames. Go to school hungover, pull allnighters to just feel music, smoke, don’t do your homework.

Promise me to be unapologetically yourself.

A book that everyone should read?

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote - just stick with it...it’s an interesting story and raises some questions about life.

The Selection Series by Keira Cass - my favourite YA series.

Harry Potter by JK Rowling - pretty self explanatory? 

What would you like to be remembered for?

I don’t wanna be remembered.

I’m gone, just move on. Find a new energy to bring into your life.

How do you define beauty?

    (That is a purposeful blank space.)

What do you love most about your body?

That it’s never given up on me.

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

Music as loud as possible so you can just lose yourself.

Favourite place to view art?

Oh this has me stumped.

I like art that is significant but isn’t technically legally displayed.

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

It would 100% be a word or phrase that wouldn’t turn up in the lyrics at all.

But you listen to it and the title seems like the perfect title, nothing else could represent this song.

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

Guitar, bass? No, drums. Vocals...

I just want some musical talent!

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

Oooo, get ready.

Bee, on my collarbone.

Lace Up, on my wrist.

Tree, on my sternum.

Stars/an astronaut/a solar system, somewhere undecided.

Dolphins or koalas?

Don’t really have a preference...

But the dolphins in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy were great so...

What’s your spirit animal?

I think maybe a seal?

Best gift you’ve ever received?

My headphones.

I have tiny ears so have always struggled to find earbuds that are comfortable for a long period of time.

I found some!

And then they were discontinued so it’s really difficult to buy them.

I was surprised with 3 pairs once and I practically cried.

Best gift you’ve ever given?

Ummm, I’m not very artsy creative but I once made my mum a birthday card using a teabag, I think she liked it?

I was a teenager so it was really rare that I ever did something artistic so I think she especially appreciated the effort and discomfort I felt.

What’s your favourite board game?

Chess.

Game of Life.

Cards against humanity.

What’s your favourite colour?

Grey.

Least favourite colour?

I used to have this severe hate for pink because it was forced on me as a child (I shared a room with my little sister and she loved pink so pink was what she got.)

I’ve grown out of it: pink is punk as fuck.

Diamonds or pearls?

I don’t really have a preference.

I much prefer simple things.

If we’re talking jewellery then I like plain silver.

Drugstore makeup or designer?

Ummm...I’m not sure how to differentiate.

I try and use Natural Collection for the base of my makeup but my eyeliner and eyebrows are Rimmel London and NYX.

Blow-dry or air-dry?

Air-dry

These curls only work one way and that’s their way.

Pilates or yoga?

Both.

Depends on what I need in the moment.

Coffee or tea?

Neither!

I’m not allowed so it’s hot chocolate all the wayyyy.

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

The weirdest words are the ones that you learnt reading so pronounce one way when actually it’s said entirely differently.

Me, in Year 10, with the word ‘epitome’.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

Depends on my mood really...

Cadbury released this bar that mixed the two together and that seems kinda perfect.

Stairs or elevator?

Either

I like racing people in the lifts to see if I can get up the stairs quicker. Such a child, I know.

Summer or winter?

Winter, for sure.

Natural ginger so the summer is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

Mash.

A desert you don’t like?

Apple pie (or any fruit pie)

And custard.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

Skateboarding.

No time like quarantine, eh?

Best thing to happen to you today?

Woke up naturally alert so felt ready to tackle the day productively for the first time since lockdown began.

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

That my writing has helped someone.

Someone told me that A Night of Many Firsts perfectly represented what they were feeling and helped them feel strong enough to get help.

Favourite smell?

My deodorant, baking, the local library.

Hugs or kisses?

Hugs. Simple as.

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

Intense case study of teenage mental illness into adulthood.

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

Pretty Toxic Revolver - Machine Gun Kelly

Probably every episode of Torchwood ever

Lipstick or lip gloss?

Lipstick

Sweet or savoury?

Savoury. Vegan corn chowder, garlic bread, potatoes.

Girl crush?

I don’t really have any?

I mean, I’m bi but no one really comes to mind.

How you know you’re in love?

I’ve never been in love but I hope it would be seeing them and feeling peace.

Knowing that they get every part of you, good and bad, and still choose to stay. And vice versa.

Song you can listen to on repeat?

Pretty much anything MGK

Currently feeling the Lace Up album.

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

I wouldn’t want to be someone else.

I’d much rather be able to jump forward and experience a day in my future...for reassurance.

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

Travelling.

I’m leaving and hopefully never coming back to this place, this mindset, again.

[doodlebugsandbumblebees]

You are straight-up a very sweet Hufflepuff whom I would be delighted to know any and everything about, so is it alright if I go ahead and ask EVERY question for the question meme?

Awww, wow!!  That really means a lot, thank you so much!

Alright here we go then!  We’re going to get to know me a whole lot better lol because these questions are pretty fun.  Obviously this will be a pretty long post so I’m putting it all under the read more

weird asks that say a lot

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs I think.  I have a pretty big collection of those.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

This one is hard!  Probably chocolate bars though.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton candy 100%.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Hmmmm, I think hardworking and sweet came up a lot?  I was very much a teacher’s pet and the perfectionist anxiety set in early lol so I was a busy, over-achieving bee.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I prefer soda bottles.  Glass bottles especially.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

It really depends?  But I guess I’m more tomboy style than anything else.

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds because I like to have one in and one out so I can still hear what’s going around me.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows because I like having more time to get to know the characters (and domestic/casual situations for overpowered or zany characters are way more likely to happen in a show than a movie and I live for those lol).

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Rain on pavement because it just storms and storms in the summer and it’s so nice.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Hmmm I was good at anything that involved running?  And games that involved those wheely board things you sat on and scooted around on were always fun.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

It varies?  Bagels or toast most often I guess.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Sick beats.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Key ring with a little stuffed animal on it.  Right now mine has a bee on it and I love it.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Jolly ranchers.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

Tuesdays with Morrie was pretty good.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Criss-cross.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My plain white sneakers.  They’re not real pretty or anything but they’re very comfy and I don’t have to think about whether they match things.

18. ideal weather?

Partially cloudy all day, storm in the afternoon, cool in the evening.

19. sleeping position?

Always on one of my sides.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Notes on my phone or on my laptop with my typewriter keyboard.

21. obsession from childhood?

The Lion King and anything related to it.

22. role model?

Jane Goodall has been at least one of my role models since I was ten, but my mom is a big one too.

23. strange habits?

I’m still getting over periodically chewing my fingers?  Does that count?  I also have a quirk when it comes to touching certain metal things but especially coins so when someone hands me change I do everything I can to avoid touching it and hold it in the bills if I can.

24. favorite crystal?

Kinds of crystals I presume?  I’ve always liked rose quartzes and amethysts (especially amethyst geodes since I have a couple of those).

25. first song you remember hearing?

Probably something from Tarzan or Mary Poppins since those were my childhood movies.  So Stepping Time from Mary Poppins would be a good guess.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swimming.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking around in it because it’s hardly ever truly cold here and I like to savor it.

28. five songs to describe you?

I change music taste every five minutes so I’m going to say songs that describe me right now are brand new by ben rector, just a quail by louie zong, turning out by ajr, everything stays by olivia olson, and hooked on a feeling by blue swede.

29. best way to bond with you?

It’s all in the time.  I get attached to people pretty easy as long as they’re nice and we can goof around, have fun, and talk about whatever.  So putting time in to hang out means a lot to me.

30. places that you find sacred?

Hmmm, being deep in forests feels sacred to me so there are certain waterfall hikes in the smokey mountains and along the blue ridge parkway and in Hawaii that seem very special to me.  And then disney world and disneyland will always have a sacredness to them for me because they’ve meant so much to me and the happiness it brings people is pretty magical.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

My comfy jean shorts and either my yellowish flannel or my guardians of the galaxy shirt with my rebel jacket. 

32. top five favorite vines?

Caterpillar Rave

I Smell Like Beef

I Could’ve Dropped My Croissant

Michael with a B

This Is The Comedy Police

Honorable Mention: FR E S H A VOCA DO

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Probably “okay cool” because I say that a lot.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

We are farmers, bum bud um bum bum bum bum.

35. average time you fall asleep?

1 AM.

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Oh gosh the first one… probably one of those vines up there.  It might have been fre shavocado.  This was a long time ago though.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase.

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea because I can’t drink citrus without it setting my mouth on fire lol.

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake but I don’t have it often for the reason listed above.

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Some kids in elementary did something weird in the trees behind our school because the teachers weren’t watching them (I never knew exactly what it was but it was Bad tm) but the teachers didn’t know exactly who it was so they punished the whole grade and we were forced to only play kickball during recess for like 7 months and it was the worst.  It’s not exactly weird per say but I always found it wild that the only conceivable thing they could think to do to solve this problem was force a bunch of scrawny, socially awkward, miserable children to play ground baseball with a permanently half-deflated rubber ball.

41. last person you texted?

My brother.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Pants pockets but only because I don’t get to use jacket pockets as often as I would like to.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

I’m completely tied between hoodies and bomber jackets.

44. favorite scent for soap?

Ocean.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

These are my three faves, not fair!!  Sigh, probably superhero because even with sci-fi and fantasy my faves tend to be my faves because they have superhero elements.  The colors, the Drama, the angst, the powers??  What’s not to love.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Baggy t-shirt and athletic shorts.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Smoked gouda.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Watermelon.

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

“Keep moving forward.” from Meet the Robinsons most, but I also like “The bottom line is if you take a chance in life sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen but, honey, if you don’t take a chance nothing happens.” from Dorothy in Golden Girls.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

I don’t know about the hardest I ever have (because I am very lucky and have a very funny family so I laugh a lot) but watching vine compilations for the very first time with my siblings made me laugh really hard.

51. current stresses?

Fitting everything in.  Days just don’t feel long enough and social situations plus school stuff always get to me but I’m doing okay.

52. favorite font?

I do like times new roman even if it’s used a lot but I’ve been using the font yananeska for calligraphy stuff lately and it’s a cool one.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

They’re always a bit dry and on the warmish side but they’re pretty good.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Have never had a job job but I volunteered in a library for like three years and it taught me to enjoy the details, slow down and enjoy the quiet, simple tasks, appreciate really excited kids, and try to help people whenever I can.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Aladdin or beauty and the beast I suppose?  I like that there’s multiple ways to interpret those stories and that they can be played with in some fun ways because they’re such interesting concepts by themselves.

56. favorite tradition?

How cities all over the world string up lights on things in the winter.  It means something different to everyone and some do it and some don’t which is totally fine, but this idea of lighting up the world during the bleakest month, and how some people go all out with colors and patterns and synced to music, and how everyone does it a bit different, and how entire cities are just smothered in lights means a lot to me.  I think it’s a very cool and very human thing to do.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

The tough year before my family moved, getting through my really intense anxiety years where I couldn’t travel in cars for more than fifteen minutes without throwing up, and my month away at art school.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Hmmm, I guess I’m pretty proud of my writing ability, my singing voice, my art skills, and my ability to talk to anyone.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Probably something goofy like “YEET” or some variation of “That’s bonkers” because I do say those a lot.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Superhero.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“That’s all it is, a leap of faith.” from Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse is still pretty special to me.  As is “I never thought I could do any of this stuff, but I can.” same movie.

62. seven characters you relate to?

Aaaaaaaa another hard one.  Whoo boy, right now my gut instinct is probably: Judy Hopps (Zootopia), Miles Morales (Into the Spiderverse), Raph (Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Spiderham (Into the Spiderverse), Hagrid (Harry Potter), the firbolg (the adventure zone), and Sam-I-Am (Green Eggs and Ham).

63. five songs that would play in your club?

At the moment I would want you make my dreams by hall & oates, cantina band by John Williams, the bones by maren morris and hozier, hooked on a feeling by blue swede, and backflip by rivers cuomo to play.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Coolmathgames.

65. any permanent scars?

I have a round scar on my elbow from when I skidded across the ground after crashing my bicycle.

66. favorite flower(s)?

I like lotus flowers, gardenias, and plumerias.

67. good luck charms?

My DnD dice, rocks (like my obsidian, sodalites, and amethysts), and my ten little lucky owl statues in different colors.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Beverly soda is the worst but a specific flavor I really don’t like is pickles.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Mantis shrimps punch so fast that the water around their punch boils.  Also they have seventeen color receptors compared to our 3.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed.

71. least favorite pattern?

I’m not quite sure?  I’m not crazy about optical illusions that look sort of smeared and are all black and white because they hurt my eyes so probably those.

72. worst subject?

I’m not great with math or sports, but I’ve gotten a handle on math as of late.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

I’m not sure if they’re weird but I’m willing to try a lot so ketchup and mayonnaise is great, barbecue sauce and cheez-its is very good, and apples dipped in nacho cheese or salsa is not bad.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I think 4.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I think I was five?  Not sure.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Baked potatoes but fries are very close.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Aloe plants.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

I don’t eat sushi so coffee from a gas station.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

School id photo.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones.

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs.

82. pc or console?

Console.

83. writing or drawing?

Probably writing because it’s more straightforward to me but it depends.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology because it gets wild so fast and cracks me up sometimes.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cupcakes.

87. your greatest fear?

Being annoying or mean without realizing it and driving people away.  I’m constantly scared I’m going to mess everything up which I need to work on because it’s hard to live that way.

88. your greatest wish?

Going to get a bit cheesy but to someday be a zoologist with some fun hobbies, travel often, feel satisfied with my life, and spend my days with someone I truly love and have a lot of fun with.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Anyone in my family because we’re really close and they would do that for me.

90. luckiest mistake?

Probably going to an up-ity art school for a month a few years ago because while I was extremely depressed, homesick, and felt like a big failure the whole time, if I hadn’t done that and had my dreams crushed by some mean professors I might have gone there for a whole semester and spent a bajillion dollars to learn the same thing.  And it inevitably put me at the school I’m at now which I’m very very happy with and suits me so much better.

91. boxes or bags?

I like boxes.

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Fairy lights because I’m a sucker for colors.

93. nicknames?

Doodlebug is the biggest one.

94. favorite season?

Fall.  Colors, halloween, thanksgiving, cooler weather, I love it ALL.

95. favorite app on your phone?

Spotify.

96. desktop background?

A painting of a whale shark from the Georgia aquarium because going there was a big deal for me and it’s very pretty.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Maybe 3?  I don’t have to memorize them much anymore lol.

98. favorite historical era?

I kind of like the 1920s aesthetic these days but I love very scattered things about history so picking one era is tough.

[flapperfromthefuture]

I’ve been experimenting with a couple of new ways to beat the winter blues—baking with such frenzy that I have to buy the 18 egg cartons and the person at the register asks me, “Big weekend plans?” every. single. time, and expanding my horizons with such gusto that I nearly got dropkicked by a jazz enthusiast.

Let me explain.

After watching a beautiful tombstone-grey sunset at 3:30 one October afternoon, I had the urge to bake because “You can’t stick your head in the oven if there’s other stuff in there.”

So I have been baking. Like, obsessively.

I’ve even gotten fancy. I made a povitica, the Aaron Burr of breads, with raspberry and then apricot jam (very sticky, but tasty). Then I wanted to try a savory challah, so I experimented with adding different amounts of cardamom and THEN za’atar.

I tried making challah with harissa because it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was super messy working the harissa into the dough and then braiding it before the whole loaf could fall apart, but the end result was delicious and made my kitchen smell like a spice market in the midst of somewhere warm that is not Michigan.

I made two Bienenstich, or bee sting cakes, which I hadn’t attempted since my brioche class. I managed not to overdo the topping this time! No almond-induced structural collapses here.

Then I made this gigantic cinnamon roll, which the recipe claimed was an Estonian Kringla, and since the best cinnamon roll I’ve ever had was in Estonia, I tried it out. And it was pretty good, but didn’t quite get me to pre-winter euphoria levels, aka enough energy to stay awake past mid-afternoon because it’s so dark outside.

My sister really wanted to make Halloween desserts together, which translated into me buying all the supplies and then baking everything myself while she lay on the floor.

She had just run a half-marathon . . . five days earlier.

I don’t like making Rice Krispie treats as they are a tactile nightmare. Everything you touch sticks to you forever and then continues to stick to you even after you die. I also gravely miscalculated how many marshmallows to buy (because weight and volume are different, apparently? School never covered that) and my mom will not let me live it down—anyone who stops by the house is asked, “Do you want something to drink? Or maybe some marshmallows? Elizabeth bought a thousand.”

Stella likes to say, “God knew you’d be too powerful if you were good at math.”

I don’t enjoy cooking as much as baking, but I made my yearly stab at sides for Thanksgiving. These harissa sweet potatoes looked beautiful but were a little too spicy for my weak-ass family.

(I also may have put in too much harissa. But it’s expensive and I wanted to use it all!).

A and I are officially in the throes of cabin fever, and when our beloved Midnight Madness rolled around, she decided that we needed to mix things up and elected to check out a jazz club downtown that we had never visited. Our friend Julia was with us and her mom was in town from the East Coast, so A thought we’d show them a sophisticated time . . . after visiting the holiday petting zoo, of course, and making a quick stop in the Himalayan Bazaar to see if the Yeti was around—he was not, because he never is, BUT I WILL SEE HIM NEXT YEAR SO HELP ME. 

Stella did not join us for Midnight Madness, electing instead to stay in and watch The Crown, which in hindsight, was too much of a gamble to take without supervision.

We swept into the jazz club with our heavy coats and dorky beanies and I immediately felt way too square to chill with the jazz cats. Everyone had sleek scarves and trendy eyewear and even the gorgeous modern light fixtures seemed to judge us as we sat at our table.

There was a lady wearing sunglasses inside. At night. In winter.

It was below freezing out. I thought, “Is this an awards show?”

I had only eaten roasted almonds and hot chocolate for dinner so I needed something revitalizing . . . or barring that, mozzarella sticks.

This jazz club did not have mozzarella sticks. Mozzarella sticks aren’t cool. They had charcuterie plates, pate, foie gras PB&J (why?), and charred baby octopus (WHY?), and everything was super expensive, but there was a jazz quintet onstage that seemed really legit, so I was excited to get some culture, even at the expense of mozzarella sticks.

A stared down at the menu like she could intimidate it into submission. She will eat anything, but draws the line at baby animals that have been set on fire.

“I don’t know what to get,” she said. “This never happens to me.”

“What are you guys ordering?” I asked Julia and her mom.

And then, out of nowhere, SLAM, a hand smacked our table loud enough to make me jump. An older man glared at me and said, “I’m not paying to hear you talk.”

He looked a lot like Santa, which made it even more distressing. I don’t want to get in trouble with Santa!

A is from Chicago and doesn’t take anyone’s shit (which is good for me, because to quote John Mulaney, “You could pour soup into my lap and I’d apologize to you“), so she looked Santa right in the eye and said, very calmly, “You don’t need to take that tone. We’ve never been here before and we’re trying to figure out what to order.”

Santa scowled and said, “Just be quiet.” Like we were children, which we are not. We patronize jazz clubs!

Just so we’re clear, A was the most well-behaved child who ever childed and practically showed up to preschool with a briefcase. No one has ever told her, “Just be quiet.” And I was so hyperfocused on craft kits and Legos that no one ever told me that either. In fact, adults scolded me to be less quiet because “You’re like a little ninja.”

“That wasn’t very Midwestern,” said Julia. “Don’t get the wrong idea, Mom. People in Ann Arbor are usually very chill.”

“He’s probably a boomer,” said Julia’s mom, who is a boomer herself, and incredibly cool.

We ordered our drinks and tried to enjoy the jazz.

Here’s the thing about jazz. People think they enjoy it, because music, right? Who doesn’t like music? Everyone loved La La Land, and there was jazz in that, right?

But what you don’t know about jazz, until you’re trapped in a jazz club with incinerated child octopi and furious boomers, is that the average jazz song is about fifteen minutes long. There’s the normal part, that sounds like a song and tells a story you can follow and enjoy, and then the improv starts. Every musician starts playing scales or hitting the drums in a way that should be exciting but really isn’t, and should build to something musically but really doesn’t, and then when they’re done the audience claps and the next person does the same thing, but it’s like listening to several minutes of joke set-ups with no punchlines. Over and over, until they just stop and then the next song starts.

“Are they going to do this for every song?” I thought about saying, but then did not, because I didn’t want to anger the man.

Instead, I checked my phone for a quick primer on jazz appreciation.

I still hadn’t eaten anything and A had declared that we wouldn’t be ordering any food so we could leave sooner . . . but not soon enough.

Other people were chatting and eating and enjoying the music, but I wasn’t doing any of those things.

A was glaring daggers into the back of Santa’s head.

Julia and her mom weren’t super into it either, to the point that Julia claimed that if she rushed the stage and pretended to be the next act by riffing on a triangle, no one would question it. Her mom was supportive of this, so it was time to go.

We said good-bye outside, relieved at finally being allowed to speak freely.

“That drum solo went on FOREVER,” said Julia.

“I thought the cymbal crash meant it was over but it just kept going!” said A.

“I really liked La La Land an hour ago and now I hate it,” I said.

So my journey to find something that will beat seasonal affective disorder back to whence it came continues. Will I go complicated and attempt to make my first panettone, which can take 24 HOURS to bake?

Or keep it simple and just get some mozzarella sticks?

          Baking vs. Jazz: Holiday Showdown I’ve been experimenting with a couple of new ways to beat the winter blues—baking with such frenzy that I have to buy the 18 egg cartons and the person at the register asks me, "Big weekend plans?" every.

[danishprince]

redid this 92 questions meme from 4 years ago for Fun and Profit because i like seeing how much i’ve changed over the years. not tagging anyone, but if you want to answer the questions, go wild

what was your…

last beverage? woter

last phone call? a confidential call to a research lab at my university because they’re studying alcohol use in young adults and wanted to know if i fit the criteria to be in the study (i do, so i get money for it fuck yeah)

last text message? i told my dad that our neighbors got two of their trees cut down and his response was “Wwwow”

last song listened to? currently listening to “evening prayer aka justice” by ezra furman!

last time you cried? maybe like saturday or sunday? not really sure

have you ever…

dated someone twice? nah

been cheated on? don’t believe so

kissed someone and regretted it? eh i’ve had a few kisses that i look back and kinda cringe at because we were really drunk or i was Not Into Them or whatever, but actually, truly regret? no. 

lost someone special? it’s been awhile since anyone close to me died. my maternal grandma (and step-grandpa) are getting pretty old/less healthy though so i’m like starting to already feel weird snatches of anticipatory grief for that which :/

been depressed? i’d say so yeah, on occasion

been drunk and vomited? fun story i briefly thought i was allergic to alcohol freshman year because i’d throw up every time i drank. TURNS OUT however i just was a dumbass who didn’t know how to hold their liquor

list three favourite colors: hot pink, teal, black

in the last year, have you…

made a new friend? yes indeed

fallen out of love? cannot say that i have

laughed so hard there were tears? oh constantly. though i do that regularly because of the dumbest shit, so that’s not, like, an anomaly

met someone who changed you? YES the professor of my psych lab whom i ADORE

found out who your true friends are? yeah, or at least i feel way more comfortable and grounded in my friendships than i did. which is cool!

found out someone was talking about you? i overheard my coworker at our (drama-filled, my god) orientation leader job bitching about some other coworkers, but then what she said about me was “yeah katie’s pretty cool” so i was like :) :) neat

kissed anyone on your facebook “friend list”? hell yeah babey

general questions.

how many of your facebook friends do you know in person? the vast majority. there’s a few Spelling Bee Kids who’ve just added me for Spelling Bee Clout that i don’t know irl, but otherwise i don’t really add people i don’t know

how many siblings do you have? 1 (one) 16-year-old bröther

do you have any pets? 1 (one) very old round guinea pig named hamlet

do you want to change your name? eh not really. i’m not, like, obsessed with it, but it’s a decent name and i have no urge to change it

what did you do for your last birthday? i turned 21, but it was a monday, so i went to a restaurant with three of my friends and ordered 1 (one) Alcoholic Beverage. then later that week i went to a coffee bar that serves alcohol later at night with some of my other friends and had more Alcoholic Beverages there

when did you wake up today? 9:30ish

what were you doing at midnight last night? being asleep lmao

something you cannot wait for: going to arizona and later going back to kentucky for senior year of college (holy fuck)

when did you last see your mother? like 15 minutes ago, she’s doing laundry or something

what is one thing you wish you could change about your life? where 2 begin. uhh i wish i was more naturally outgoing instead of having to consciously turn on my Extrovert Persona in certain scenarios and end up getting super drained from it. i also wish i knew what the fuck i was doing with my life but i think that’s just, like, The Eternal Twenty-Something Mood (at least i hope it is dear god)

what are you listening to right now? the song “rodeo” by lil nas x, which PERSONALLY said gay rights

have you ever talked to a person named tom? yes multiple, and every tom(my) i have hated (sorry if you’re a tom and you’re a decent human bean)

what’s getting on your nerves right now? i have to do a bunch of important life and school stuff but i am procrastinating it! so i guess...my brain

most visited webpages: twitter, tumblr, discord, instagram, the dear prudence advice column on slate dot com lmfao

blood type: o+ i believe, but i am too smol to donate blood so i do not know for sure :(

nicknames: some of my friends refer to me over text as k8e and i love it tbh. also katie itself is a nickname

relationship status: single but like, kind of a thot

zodiac sign: virgo sun cancer moon cancer rising 

pronoun: they/them but she/her is also fine

primary school: private lutheran school

middle school: the same private lutheran school

high school: public school

college: university of kentucky for undergrad and also a concurrent grad program (long story). maybe more grad school???? somewhere else??? or not???? I Don’t Know

hair colour: honey blonde

long or short: hair? just got it cut short in january and it was the best decision i ever made

height: 5’6"

do you have a crush on someone? define “crush”

what do you like about yourself? i’m a good listener and writer and also sometimes my Funney Joaks land

do you have any tattoos? nah. i am afear’d i’d regret it

are you right- or left-handed? right-handed

first surgery: some ear procedure thing in kindergarten. if that doesn’t count i got half my wisdom teeth out the summer before college and the other half the summer after freshman year (but was technically awake for both) 

first piercing: ear piercings when i turned sixteen

first best friend: uhhhhh my friend stephanie from home-preschool? or this girl named grace who was my kindergarten best friend but then moved away

first sport you joined: i believe dance classes when i was but a little peanut

first vacation: idk? we went to san diego when i was two i think? don’t remember it though

first pair of trainers/sneakers: good question. had some boss-ass light-up shoes once 

right now i am…

eating: popped corn

drinking: woter 

about to: hopefully write this [bernie sanders voice] damn email, but who is to say : - )

listening to: my liked songs on spotify (currently “i think i’m going to kill myself” by elton john)

interested in having children? if that’s how the proverbial cookie proverbially crumbles, yeah. that idea seems really far away even though i know high school classmates with kids.

interested in getting married? yes, but if and only if i meet the right person

ready for a career or have one? [sobbing]

which is better…?

lips or eyes? eyes generally, but lips are also Good

hugs or kisses? k i s s e s. i lov to kiss. love hugs too though if it’s with friends

shorter or taller? actually being a similar height to me is optimal! 

older or younger? mmm i tend to subconsciously lean older, but younger is fine too

romantic or spontaneous? the wording seems to imply that “romantic” and “spontaneous” are opposites which just isn’t true. both?? 

nice stomach or nice arms? arms i guess?

sensitive or loud? my first impulse was “loud” but like....loud in that i tend to gravitate to people who are more extroverted than me, but not in terms of being overtly annoying or demanding.

hook-up or relationship? :^) judging by my History(tm) it’d be committed hook-up, lol. but like either is good. am not about sex with a stranger though.

troublemaker or hesitant? troublemaker ~vibes~ but not actually, like, a danger in any way. being hesitant can be cute, but i myself am often pretty hesitant so it can become an Awkwardness Standoff more often than not

have you ever…

kissed a stranger? no, but came damn close in greece

drunk hard liquor? oh yeah lmao

lost glasses or contacts? i’m sure i’ve lost a pair of contacts somewhere in there

had sex on the first date? depends on your definition of “sex”, and also on your definition of “date” really, but also Yeah

broken someone’s heart? i hope not, but i think maybe :/

had your own heart broken? ....ish?

been arrested? nope

turned someone down? yyyyyyep

cried when someone died? not in my memory? though i might have

fallen for a friend? :^) haha oh yeah

do you believe in…

yourself? i try oh my god do i try

miracles? i think

love at first sight? nah. i think intrigue at first sight is a thing, or lust at first sight, or even just a bizarre extraterrestrial sense of Knowing, but real genuine love? nahhhh son you gotta know someone deeply for that. mortifying ordeal of being known and all that

heaven? mm yeah i’d say so

santa claus? no, and i haven’t for a hot minute there

kissing on the first date? lol yeah kiss away

angels? fuck yeah sometimes they’re circle things with 56879879677 eyes and they’re cool af

well in review i have indeed changed quite a bit from myself four years ago! in summary i am more of a thot and also drink alcohol. idk. my answers then ~seemed~ more sure of myself in terms of, like, this façade of being chill all the time, but less sure re: how i related to other people. all my angst on those questions was about school instead of general personhood. 4 years ago i also definitely /remember/ being insecure (at the time) about the fact that i’d never kissed anyone/etc., but my answers themselves don’t look that way. (sidenote being insecure about that kind of thing really isn’t worth it, everyone does life at their own pace.) whereas now i feel more open actively discussing my insecurities (see above re: future plans/etc.) instead of just boxing them down and pretending they don’t exist. as a high schooler i thought i was bad at being a person, and i feel like i’m a lot better at being authentic with myself (and ergo, being a person) now. though of course there is no right way to be a person which is something i still frequently have to remind myself.

ANYWAY yeah that was a fun waste of an hour feel free to use these questions for yrself

[fanfictionconnectionwordpress]

Mystic Messenger Fanfiction | Vanderwood+Seven - Wrecked Ass

***I've been involved in a number of things lately, and this is one of them! This idea was a collaboration with @chaoticstarblossoms, my official FFC artist and best friend. This is what we ended up with - to post for @vanderweek. This is for Day 6 prompt Partners~ Regular posting will resume next week, I'm thinking. ~Let's Connect! FFC***

Vanderwood could hear it. That accursed song. Seven had become obsessed with it lately. More like, ever since Vanderwood had complained about it on a mission, Seven would play the song whenever the elder agent came over to check on the redhead’s work. It was nearly constantly on repeat while Vanderwood would clean - the environment far too dirty for any sensible person to be able to work in, let alone himself with his OCD.

He called out into the bunker as soon as he entered. “Turn that shit off before I tase you!” That was how it always started, and for a while it would be off - until Vanderwood would start cleaning and get too in-the-zone to step away. Seven knew Vanderwood had to accomplish each task before he could pause. That asshole. This time, though, the music didn’t turn off.

The agent stepped into the living room of the bunker - eyebrow twitching at the mess everywhere. Where was the music even coming from? It was fainter than normal. Something was off. Vanderwood undid the clasp on his taser-holster, pulling it back for easy access as he pulled out his gun from its hiding spot. There was something very off about this.

It didn’t feel like there was danger afoot - more like the redhead was up to his tricks again. If there was a trick, Vanderwood didn’t want to be involved. He had to find Seven before shit could go down. Every room would have to be scanned, and he started with the computer room and bedroom - eyebrow twitching at the mess but thankfully able to ignore it now that he was slipping into work mode.

Vanderwood stalked from room to room, holding his gun forward and scanning every nook and cranny before he moved on to the next. Some of the rooms, he could hear the music more loudly than others. Still, it would be a mistake not to check every room until he found the right one. The music could just as easily have been a diversion, and Vanderwood didn’t want to get caught in a trap because he was playing hot and cold with some CD player.

He opened another door, checking around and nearly muttering, ‘Clear,’ to himself before he saw it. A pair of glowing orange eyes lit up. Bloody fucking Hell. What in the God-damn universe was that? Seven had a number of ridiculous things in his bunker, but the things that Vanderwood hated the most were the kid’s gadgets. He built all sorts of robots and creatures, and each seemed more dangerous than the last.

A, “Woof!” reverberated through the room - the apparently robot-dog stepping forward into the dim lighting coming from the opened door. Its mouth opened again - an orange glow appearing slowly. Fear clutched Vanderwood, an emotion which was very rare for him. Typically, he would have rushes of adrenaline but never outright fear. However, there was a bloody fire-breathing robot-dog in the bloody bunker!

Vanderwood popped off a shot or two, slamming the door closed as the beast staggered back. He held the door in place, chestnut-brown eyes widening as the door seemed to grow hot - giving off enough heat for him to worry that his long hair was going to light aflame. It didn’t, but he felt his anger rising even more. Was the little asshole trying to kill him?

With renewed energy, Vanderwood was back to his scanning. Every room from then on was clear - the sound getting louder and louder as he approached the final room in the house. It was the garage. Vanderwood hadn’t thought that the kid would put his, ‘baby cars,’ at risk enough to plot some trick in there, but maybe he was underestimating the redhead’s trickery. Either way - when all of this was over, Vanderwood was going to whoop the redhead’s ass. Or tase him. One or the other. Bloody Hell, why not both?

Slowly, with all the care in the world, Vanderwood opened the door into the garage. He was blasted with the song on an even higher volume that made his already damaged ears ring. The agent kept his gun up, scanning the surroundings. Where the fuck were the cars? That was when he caught it, movement from the corner of his eyes. Vanderwood had previously cleared that space, but he hadn’t looked at the ceiling.

There was now a large wrecking ball coming down from above, falling in a bee-line towards him as Vanderwood jumped back, pressing himself against the wall. Thankfully, the wrecking ball stopped just a foot from him. Seven had apparently planned for that, and he’d also planned for the outfit that he was wearing as he sat atop the bloody wrecking ball, seemingly lip-synching to the music.

Vanderwood couldn’t even make his brain function to put his gun back in its place. He watched, completely dumbfounded, as Seven swung back and forth on the item in what was very clearly a nude bodysuit. Thank fuck that the kid wasn’t actually naked. Though even the idea of it was enough to make Vanderwood shiver.

In the span of a minute - Vanderwood had gone from violently angry to scared for his life, confused as all Hell, and now back to violently angry all over again. “Zero Seven! Get the fuck off that bloody thing!” How had the kid even gotten that into the house? Where were the cars? They certainly weren’t here. Those were some premium luxury cars, too. The agent took comfort in the fact that Seven at least loved those precious commodities enough not to have destroyed them for this stupid trick.

Seven was laughing so hard now that he could barely even hear Vanderwood launching into a yelled lecture. That look on his partner’s face had been worth all of the hard work he’d done to get his baby cars moved to a secure location and then building his wrecking ball from scratch while hanging from the ceiling. Truly, this was his greatest accomplishment yet. There wasn’t even a way for Vanderwood to make him stop, because it was swinging back and forth like the very dangerous one-ton pendulum that it was.

Or so he’d thought. Seven had been so busy with setting up the specifics of how to build it and making sure that he wouldn’t actually hit Vanderwood when the ball fell, that he hadn’t accounted for how short of a time it would take gravity to slow the object in question. Already, its swing was shorter - getting shorter by the second. That detail wasn’t missed by the elder agent.

A dark smirk curved on Vanderwood’s lips as he realized what was happening. Seven had stopped laughing now to throw puns at him, and Vanderwood kept the redhead busy by continually responding - pretending that he still wanted the kid to get off the thing by himself. All the while, he was moving slightly closer as the swing lessened - so that Seven wouldn’t notice just how small the swing had gotten. When it was nearly to the middle of the room, he saw the realization cross the redhead’s face.

He hadn’t planned for this! Seven only realized what was happening when he questioned why he was getting a look at Vanderwood’s face so often now. The redhead sat petrified, trying to come up with the escape plan that he’d neglected to create beforehand. Curse his uncontrollable excitement! Probably the worst part of it was that the older agent wasn’t even doing anything. Seven looked up at the male, clutching the rope on his wrecking ball for dear life.

Vanderwood loved the way that Seven’s eyes were widening, preparing for his impending doom and punishment. He just stood there, letting the guy stew in it. Seven made a nervous chuckle after they’d been motionless for a minute or two, trying to get off of the wrecking ball. “I should get going to work, huh?”

The older agent just pressed his hand to Seven’s back, keeping him in place atop the item. “You want to get to work now? You look busy to me.” The music was making his ears ring more the longer it played so loudly, but he didn’t care right now. Seven deserved some torture after what he’d done. He watched as the redhead shifted uncomfortably on the large sphere, clearly not a good position to be in for long periods of time. “Uh…Yeah…I’d like to get to work!”

This device of his was so uncomfortable that Seven was sure it would wreck his ass if he didn’t get off of it soon. Maybe if he kept pretending like nothing had happened, Vanderwood would be nice and let him off the hook? Unlikely, but he had to give it a try. “I’ll just get right on it!” Again, he tried to move and was stopped. “You’re already on it.” His eyes flicked to the wrecking ball and back to Seven’s face. “You certainly came in like the wrecking ball you are, today.”

Vanderwood shifted, getting some earplugs out from an inner pocket of his jacket and in a deliberately slow motion, inserting them into his own ears. He was probably speaking much louder now thanks to them, but he’d been practically shouting over the music already. “We’ve got plenty of time before the deadline, so why don’t you enjoy your music a little bit longer?”

He could still faintly hear the song past the earplugs, and it was playing in his head, too. At least the painful ringing was gone. That, and there was another reward out of this. Seven would never again play that song - certainly not on repeat. The boy had a sore ass for a week. Vanderwood hadn’t even needed to whoop it to make that happen.

Like this? Want more? Check out my tumblr or website =0 ~Let’s Connect! FFC

[themurphyzone]

Aspects Ch 5

Ch 5: Performer

Perry gestured for Norm to restrain the Father until he calmed down. Norm eagerly obeyed, wrapping his dad in an enormous hug that lifted him off the ground. 

“Get out here right now so we can talk about this like mensch!” the Father howled, thrashing in Norm’s grip. “And if I find you treating my daughter like a science experiment, I’ll-well, I don’t know what I’ll do yet, but once I think up something it’s gonna be painful!” 

“Seriously, Dad. I’m fine. No weird cybernetics or wires on me,” Vanessa complained as she emerged from the lab. “He’s working on a few things in the lab, so don’t bother him.” 

Norm lowered the Father so that he was standing again, though he still scowled in the direction of the lab. 

“Hey, you two wanna watch a movie with me?” Vanessa suggested. “We can lipsync along to a non-subtitled foreign film and make up our own plot. I’ve done it with Norm before. He’s a master at plot twists.” 

“ROBERT WAS NOT A LIZARD PERSON AS DR. PIERCE ORIGINALLY SUSPECTED. HE WAS ACTUALLY A SNAKE PERSON.” 

Perry was glad that Vanessa knew exactly how to keep everyone occupied so they didn’t murder each other before the problem was fixed. The Father settled on the edge of the couch so he could be next to Norm. 

Vanessa sorted through a stack of DVDs until she found the movie, then turned on the TV. A reporter’s face popped up onscreen, an angry frown crossing her face at the overly cheery soundtrack behind her. 

“It’s National Kiss a Baby on the Forehead Day at City Hall, and lots of families are in line to see Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz select one lucky infant from the crowd-ACK!” the reporter ducked when a guitar handle nearly clocked her in the shoulder. “I need security over here!” 

“Hey, you guys are cameramen, right?” a familiar voice asked. Suddenly another Heinz Doofenshmirtz appeared onscreen, and the camera jiggled as it was forcibly turned towards him. He was wearing that showboater hat again. Must’ve been in a musical number mood. 

“Hey man, this is expensive equipment!” someone protested. 

“C’mon, the speech isn’t starting for another twenty minutes. That’s plenty of time for a song!” Heinz exclaimed. “Oh, actually I got the number from the Chorus Girl Union here, lemme make a call! Then you can broadcast my message to the Tri-State Area! You hear that? You’ll be under my rule, and nobody can stop me!” He frowned. “I think I kinda overdo that last part with the whole ‘nobody can stop me now’ bit. Could I get a do-over?” 

“HI, CONVENIENTLY TIMED DAD!” Norm said, waving at the screen as though the Heinz on TV could hear him. 

“I guess you’d better get him before he does anything too crazy,” Vanessa sighed. “I thought the whole take over the Tri-State Area thing was in the aspect you just brought back.” 

“He’s not exactly a good role model,” the Father said. “You two aren’t hogging the spotlight like that if the cameras ever get turned on you.” 

“Norm can have my share of airtime. I don’t really care for cameras,” Vanessa said as she popped the movie into the DVD player.

Perry jumped off the couch and headed for the balcony. He opted for his glider this time, since he wanted to conserve the fuel in his jetpack. 

As he flew towards City Hall, he wondered if Vanessa and Norm would accept him calling this particular Heinz the ‘obnoxious aspect’. 

Perry decided to wait out the musical number in a nearby bush, one where he would be hidden from view but still have a front row seat to the musical number Heinz had put on. Thankfully, the reporters had moved onto interviewing the volunteers in charge of the event and were completely ignoring Heinz. OWCA would definitely get on Perry’s case if he allowed a fight to be broadcasted live to the general public. 

With any luck, the Flynn-Fletchers were pursuing their own activities and not paying attention to the local news. 

Perry could tell it wasn’t one of Heinz’s best performances. Heinz kept glancing over his shoulder towards the cameras, barely avoiding a high kick to the head from a backup dancer. Instead of focusing on the music, he was trying to be aware of his surroundings. 

Almost as if he expected someone to show up. 

Perry double-checked to make sure the cameras were far away. Then he crawled out of the bush, making sure Heinz spotted him. For the duration of the song, Perry sat attentively and listened to Heinz pour out all his frustrations about his brother being a natural people-pleaser. 

Heinz’s performance improved in just a few seconds now that he had an audience. The song reached a final crescendo and ended with Heinz and the backup singers striking a dramatic pose. 

Perry clapped politely, throwing in a whistle for good measure. 

The backup singers broke form and were about to leave when Heinz stopped them. “Hey, so if one of you is interested in a date-” Heinz began, but they  rolled their eyes at him and left at a much quicker pace than before. “Okay, I get it. My number’s on the list of clients if you need to mull it over a bit first!” 

Perry raised an eyebrow at him. 

“What?” Heinz protested. “A normal dinner date would probably be two hours. That’s plenty of time to get through the introductory phase! But I’m digressing. Anyway, you see this crowd, Perry the Platypus?” 

It was hard to miss, Perry thought. But he played along anyway, figuring this aspect was the one who valued their usual routine the most. He nodded. 

“They’re all lined up to give my brother Roger their full, undivided attention and their babies,” Heinz complained, gesturing to the gaggle of parents and children. “Why would you just hand your kid over to a total stranger? This whole National Kiss a Baby Day doesn’t make sense! And what’s worse is that one so-called lucky infant will get all this fame simply because Roger is holding him! And what did the kid do to earn it? Nothing! When the voters see how much of a baby magnet he is, they’ll keep him in office cause apparently holding a baby makes you trustworthy!” 

Perry glanced around, but didn’t see any inventions anywhere. Heinz didn’t seem to have a portable inator on his person either. There probably wasn’t one since the Scientist had Heinz’s inventiveness. 

At the same time, it didn’t seem right to cut to the actual fighting. 

“Perry the Platypus,” Heinz said. “Did...did you like that song? I just had to let it out, you know? Nobody else wanted to stop and listen. They don’t appreciate hard work, I think.”

Perry gave him a thumbs-up and an encouraging nod, which seemed to boost Heinz’s spirit. 

“Maybe we should find an adoring crowd elsewhere,” Heinz suggested. “You can be my musical buddy. Unless you know anyone who’d be willing to listen?” 

Nodding, Perry took Heinz by the hand and led the way back to the penthouse. 

Vanessa knew that most siblings fought over the bathroom, but seeing it occur with two copies of her dad was just downright awkward and embarrassing. 

“AT LEAST NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE WITNESS TO THIS DISPLAY, UNLIKE THE TIME HE PICKED YOU UP FROM SCHOOL IN A BABY BONNET AND DIAPER,” Norm declared. 

“I’ve blocked 95% of that incident from my mind, Norm,” Vanessa muttered. “Please don’t mention it again.” 

She turned up the volume to drown out the ruckus the Father and Scientist were causing. The Shell slumped against the couch cushion on the opposite end, and Vanessa had no idea if he was actually paying attention to the movie. 

“Didn’t Vanessa put you to work or something?” the Father demanded as he pounded on the bathroom door. “And just how is Norm supposed to learn any work ethic if you’re goofing off in there?” 

“Geez, calm down!” the Scientist yelled back. “Can’t a guy take a bathroom break?” 

“You got thirty seconds and I’m counting down. Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight....” 

“Norm, if I step out for a few minutes can you promise me that you’ll prevent any explosions or murders?” Vanessa sighed, deciding that she really needed to clear her head for a bit. She stood up and stretched, grabbing her phone off the nearby table.

“OKAY!” Norm exclaimed. “PLEASE TAKE THE CARDBOARD CUTOUT OF A COFFEE SHOP I CREATED AND PUT IT IN FRONT OF THE ENTRANCE OF THE BUILDING SO WE CAN DELAY PERRY THE PLATYPUS SO I CAN CONTINUE HAVING FUN WITH DAD.” 

Vanessa shook her head. “That’s not going to work on Perry and you know it.” 

The Scientist had stepped out of the bathroom to continue his argument with the Father, and Vanessa ignored them both as she exited the room. Grateful for the peace and quiet of the hallway, she decided to just wait outside for a few minutes. 

She checked her phone, finding that Perry had sent a text while she was watching the movie to let her know that he’d found another aspect. They were locating them at a decent pace, so hopefully this entire mess would be put behind them soon. 

Get rid of unsavory aspects of personality from target.

There were plenty of things about her dad she could name that embarrassed her. Sometimes he could be overprotective to the point of dressing up as a hippie and thinking that would fool a bunch of teenagers. 

Then again, he did save them all from a swarm of bees. And he did know a few tricks about roasting marshmallows over a campfire to make them taste even better. 

He could be obsessive about his schemes, and often spouted platypus and ocelot fun facts at completely inappropriate times. Her friend Candace fangirled over Ducky Momo and her boyfriend’s band a ton, so she found it pretty alarming that he acted more like a teenage girl than an adult. 

But since his brand of evil wasn’t all that malicious, sometimes good things came out, even if they were unexpected. She grew to enjoy being a big sister to a robot after all. Perry was a great confidant, no matter how trivial a problem seemed. And her Mary McGuffin doll was a reminder that he loved her to the point of spending nearly a decade rummaging through any garage sales in the hopes of finding a silly discontinued toy. 

In the end, she wouldn’t trade her dad for anything in the world. 

“Perry’s probably back by now,” Vanessa said to nobody in particular. Hopefully the aspects had given up their fight. Besides, she needed to check on the progress of the rebuilt Aspect-inator. 

“He’s probably just gonna run off again when you give him the opportunity. He never sticks around for the aftermath,” a voice sneered. “No surprise that Perry the Platypus overlooked me just like everyone else. And I never even left Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.” 

Vanessa turned around, her eyes widening in surprise. An aspect of Heinz Doofenshmirtz had been in the building the entire time and they hadn’t even noticed. 

[kaitkerrigan]

32 Minutes

Not my clearest freewrite to date... but I share it with you freely. I veered pretty far from my prompt. I promise a better one next week. Though maybe it was just me. Can’t wait to see what YOU wrote. :) 

Well, first thing’s first. I hate writing to lyrics. All I can think about is lyrics. 

I’m so sorry everyone. I’m so sorry that I’m making you listen to lyrics. Lyrics are the worst. How do you ever get any work done with us chattering at you? I love this song but I can’t do ANYTHING while I’m listening to it. What a disaster!   

Ok. Focus, Kerrigan. Listen to the groove. Maybe turn down the treble?   

I’ve never driven across the country. Is that crazy? I wish I had. I wish that was something that my teen or adult life had given me. Now I have a toddler who uses the potty and in spite of her Herculean ability to “hold it” I don’t believe that a cross-country road trip is in our future for a long time.   

I watched Lady Bird last night and I was really confused by the first scene. Was it in the future of the movie? Or did I miss something? Why was she on a 21 hr road trip with her mother? Were they visiting a college?   

I remember visiting Amherst with my mother. I wanted to go to school there so badly. I wanted to live where Emily Dickinson lived. Have I ever told you about my obsession with Emily Dickinson. “A great hope fell, you heard no noise. The ruin was within.” We toured her house, her garden.   

My childhood road trips were only on the east coast. We never went inland - not to Chicago, not to Ohio. We traversed the eastern seaboard back and forth and back again. We didn’t have any family west of us - just some family down in Florida. Everyone had stayed put. I was obsessed with my grandmother’s stories of living in Wisconsin and Florida - places she hated - she decided that her hometown of Kingston, PA was where she was always meant to be. And that’s where she’s stayed since she had very small children. She hasn’t taken an airplane since the 1960s.   

But when have I ever lost touch with myself? My own prompt? At parties - not on the road. I never know who I am at a party. I never know what to do with my hands. But on the road - alone - I’m so alive and present and unconfused. I can drive anywhere and I feel sure. Is it America’s America-ness? The cliche of truck stops? The sameness of chain restaurants on the highway?   

Oh, but there was that one trip. After everything changed inside of me, before I left my boyfriend who I had to leave but wouldn’t leave for another 6 months, after my transgressions. We were driving up Route 1 - two friends and my boyfriend and I. There was such a difference - the plainness of the drive to San Francisco, that was beautiful and glorious and filled with planned stops - Hearst Castle and Big Sur - and a few mishaps - in particular a bee sting on the ball of my foot (I’m allergic) that had us sprinting up the final leg to our friends in Berkeley, where I barely remember being put into a bed to recover for 3 days before I could walk on it. And then, my boyfriend left. I was home with my best friend from college for a few days. And then, I drove with my two friends the rest of the distance to my best friend from high school in Oregon.   

It was the Lost Coast. And I was lost before I got there. But perhaps I was found when I was there. There’s a simplicity and beauty to driving through the straight long roads of California. The canopy of red woods that both predate us and survive us. The algae that covers the rocks on the side of the road in toxic neon colors that make you doubt everything you know about the universe and what colors it gives us.   

There was one strange night, where we had to stay in a shitty motel in a one-horse town. We ate Dairy Queen for dinner because there were no restaurants open and we were sick of drinking. We were right on the border of California and Oregon. And we laid down in our shitty motel beds that might have well had bed bugs, we’ll never know. We turned on the television and watched Nick at Nite. There was a Roseanne marathon on.   

Ah, of course it comes back to Laurie Metcalf. So that night, my friend (who I’ll now admit was Brian because I don’t know if this story will mean as much without that fact - that we were and are collaborators) and I watched Roseanne long after our other friend fell asleep. And we saw this one episode where Roseanne went to visit a sick relative and it was this weird bottle neck episode (is that what they’re called? Like the one in Girls with Patrick Stewart? That is NOT who it was with... but you know what I mean? Someone knows? Patrick Wilson. ) where nothing changes from the beginning to the end of the episode but EVERYTHING CHANGES WITHIN IT. Anyway, Laurie Metcalf and John Goodman’s characters realize that at some point they had some interest in each other, and they go from being bickering in-laws to talking about the moment that never happened between the two of them - the relationship that never was to be. And of course, that is never to be. But Brian and I turned to each other in the darkened shitty motel and we both had tears in our eyes. It was truly beautiful.   

I’ve always been too enamored by the “almost was, never could be”. It’s taken a lot of growing up to get over that. But I know that moment was paired with the fact that I was already nostalgic for the relationship that I hadn’t left yet. Now, if I think about what I really want to be writing about - the idea that’s in my head that I’m trying to pin down, I think that exact kind of nostalgia is useful. I’ve never had trouble not living in the moment before regretting. But I have always had trouble not looking at the paths that never were - should I blame Sliding Doors, a movie that came at perhaps too influential a moment of my life?   

Women are told not to trust their instincts. Even Elizabeth Bennett was wrong about what she wants in a man. Is that what you wanted me to learn, Jane Austin? Are we to have so little faith in our instincts? Are we to believe ourselves so very unreliable?   

I guess that’s the question I have about the question I posed to you. Is there such thing as ever not “knowing who you are”? You are. All of the multitudes of yourself are the collage that makes you. How can we doubt that? How can we expect more of ourselves than that?   

You look at a friend and you see a solid person that you can tell a narrative about to yourself. That narrative and its incomplete nature is the reason you can tell that story. The lack of completion lets you make up a story. But the thing we forget is that the actual thing of it - the person, the life, is a muddle of mismatched pieces that don’t fit easily together. We spend our lives trying to make sense of it. We go to therapy. We write ourselves into boxes, narratives, memoirs that have clarity. But then, the people around us look at those memoirs and call shenanigans on the versions of ourselves that we create. I remember reading about Joan Didion and Madeleine L’Engle - writers I adored - and their children’s versions of their lives and I was horrified to find out that their sanitized explanations of their lives were just that. That their real lives were messy as hell.   

The road allows you to shed your skins - your roles as mother, daughter, sister, brother. Driving is a kind of meditation. There’s only you and your own concentration on what you must do to not die. Even if your daughter is crying in the back seat which is inevitable, you have to tune it out enough to focus on the road. And so you learn what kind of driver you are. Are you able to tune everything out and get the simple task done? Or do you land yourself in a ditch?   

As I write this, my daughter is crying in her bedroom. She had a fever tonight and my 32 minutes are up.

[stressful-and-deathy]

each step draws us closer to the aisle

hello, this is the thing that has been consuming my mind, soul and time. it’s the first time i’m writing a multichapter fic so let’s see how this goes. let me know what you guys think!

Summary: “Hey, babe.

Because I’m an amazing work AND life partner, I know you pretty well. 

That means I knew there’d be a very high chance you’d be getting all nervous and stressed out about things going right right now. But listen, that’s not your job today, okay? The only thing you have to do is show up and marry me. Let your mom and Kylie and the rest of the wedding party put out the fires and try to relax a bit. 

I made you something that I hope will help you do that. 

Don’t press play until you turn the first page. And no peeking!”

song #1 - and we go a little something like this

read on ao3 or click on keep reading below!

Amy Santiago is getting married today.

In just a few hours she’ll walk down the aisle, stand by Jake’s side, vow to be his wife and take him as her husband.

There’s absolutely no reason to be nervous.

Expect for the fact that a swarm of bees have taken over the flowers, her dress hasn’t arrived yet and there was a leak in the room where the ceremony will take place. But it’s okay. She’s Amy Santiago. She’s got this. She just needs to turn on her extreme high-strung mode and deal with this because there’s no way in hell she’s letting anything go wrong with her wedding.

But when she sits down, takes three deep breaths and tries to focus, her mind is still blank. She’s looking at herself in the huge mirror in the room where she’s supposed to be getting ready, still wearing a bathrobe and a towel wrapped around her head. And everything around her is absolute chaos.

Gina and Rosa are fighting over who was responsible for the dress and whose fault it is that it isn’t here yet. Kylie is yelling at someone over the phone about the flowers and her mother is so drunk that she’s about to make the girl hired to be the master of ceremony cry because she doesn’t speak spanish. There are shoes everywhere, garment bags all around the floor and makeup products on every single surface imaginable.

Wasn’t this moment supposed to be as relaxing as possible? Weren’t they supposed to be drinking bellinis (a normal amount), telling jokes and stories about Amy and how she and Jake are perfect for each other? Were they not supposed to be doing everything to calm her nerves?

Amy feels the panic begin to rise and decides she will go outside, get some fresh air and come back with a refreshed perspective. Yes, that’s it. She just needs to get out of that room.

But as soon as she opens the door, she sees Terry on the doorway, about to knock.

The first thing she notices is that he’s crying. A lot. Literally, full on sobbing. The second thing she notices is that he’s holding a big white square box. Oh, great. She thinks - Something else is wrong.

“Terry, take a deep breath and tell me what’s the problem. Is everything okay with Jake?”

“N-n-no. It’s nothing. It’s just that… that…that...” - And there he goes again. She lost him.

Amy’s about to turn around and ask Gina to scare the Sarge into talking when she hears it.

“Santiago.” - This single word makes her automatically stand up straighter.

Captain Holt steps up beside Terry and takes the box from him. Yeah, this really can’t be good.

“Sergeant, I think I should take it from here.” - And Terry just nods and walks aways, still crying. “You must excuse Sergeant Jeffords, he is extremely emotional today. He keeps saying quote my work babies are all grown up and getting married to each other unquote. But, there’s nothing to be worried about really. Peralta just asked us to bring you your wedding gift.” He says, handing Amy the box.

“Oh. Thank you, Captain. I’ve already sent mine or I would’ve asked you to take it to him.” - She says while taking the box from his hands.

“He has gotten it and believe me, I don’t think I have ever seen him as excited. And you know that’s saying something.” - Amy smiles and slightly shakes her head. She would’ve given anything to see his reaction.

“Well, I should let you finish getting ready. Excuse me.” When she’s about to close the door, she hears him again.

“Oh, and Amy. I’m very glad you and Jake are getting married. The love you two share is unique and will bring you much joy. You’re both very lucky to have found each other.

He leaves and Amy lingers for a while on the doorway, letting the words of her mentor sink in.

When Amy finally goes back to the room, reality washes over her again. Everything is still a mess but she’s still not ready to deal with that right now. So, she decides to do what any mature adult would do: lock herself in the bathroom (believe it or not, the most peaceful environment she could find) and open her present.

She sits on the ground and opens the box, curiosity through the roof.

The first thing she sees is a handwritten note from Jake sitting on top of baby blue tissue paper. It reads:

Hey, babe.

Because I’m an amazing work AND life partner, I know you pretty well.

That means I knew there’d be a very high chance you’d be getting all nervous and stressed out about things going right right now. But listen, that’s not your job today, okay? The only thing you have to do is show up and marry me. Let your mom and Kylie and the rest of the wedding party put out the fires and try to relax a bit.

I made you something that I hope will help you do that.

Don’t press play until you turn the first page. And no peeking!

She already knew she would love whatever came out of that box, and when she removed the paper, she found his cellphone (she recognized it from the huge crack on the screen), connected to headphones on top of more tissue paper.

She took the phone, put on the headphones and unlocked it. It opened to a spotify playlist titled From A to Jay and Amy was already smiling wide when she removed the last sheet of tissue paper to reveal what was underneath it.

And oh, boy.

Jake had made a scrapbook.

She takes it from the box and when she gets a good look at the title, she’s giggling. “The Peraltiago Story”. After the bartender had named that drink after them, Jake started using the term to refer to the both of them any chance he could.

After settling the scrapbook on her lap, she turns the page and grabs the phone to press play.

The second the beats of “Funky Cold Medina” start playing, Amy’s full on laughing. She already knew what this was about and just like every time she hears that song, her mind goes back to her first few weeks at the 99.

After the most awkward first encounter she had ever had with human being thanks to Charles, both Jake and Amy tended to avoid being alone with each other as much as they could. That’s why, Amy recalls, she’d been nervous when they worked on their very first case together. A case that, as luck would have it, required long hours of staking out in Jake’s old Mustang.

At first they were quiet, talking only when absolutely necessary and looking at everything except at each other. But, within 15 minutes of sitting in a car in silence, Jake’s restlessness got the best of him and he pressed play on the very old cassette player on the console and Funky Cold Medina started playing. Amy rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything as Jake followed the beat of the song on the steering wheel with his hands.

Then the song ended.

Then it started again.

The reason Captain Holt had said “you can’t work with Jake Peralta for three years without knowing what the Funky Cold Medina is” a few years ago was because that goddamn cassingle was stuck in the deck and Jake didn’t see that as a problem at all.

That meant that any person who was lucky enough to sit in his car for any period of time would be listening to Funky Cold Medina over and over and over again.

Amy tried to endure it, she really did. But around the time the song played for a fourth time, her annoyance was through the roof and she kindly asked “Detective Peralta” to turn off the music.

Unfortunately for her, she had not managed to hide her discontentment very well and that was her undoing. Amy remembered Jake’s eyes actually start to sparkle as he realized how pissed off she was and all of sudden, he had a target.

“No. It’s my car, I’m driving, I get to choose what I want to listen.”

“First of all, you’re not choosing what you want listen. You’re choosing to listen to the most irritating song on the planet repeatedly for no reason other than to annoy me. Second of all, your “car” stinks. I bet this this hasn’t been cleaned in about a year, at least.” Amy said as she moved to shut the thing down.

“I’m going to ignore those very rude things you just said. So, you like bets, huh? Let’s play a game. Every round I win, I get one play. Every round you win, you get 5 minutes of silence.”

Amy didn’t bat an eye.

“30”

“20”

“Deal. What game?”

“Hm… Oh, I know. Two truths and one lie. You’re the new girl, gotta prove your detecting abilities to the best detective of the 99th Precinct.”

“I have to prove absolutely nothing to you.”

“Okayyyyy. Should I go first?”

They played the game for the duration of the stake out. That’s how he found out about her seven brothers, her teeth brushing obsession and her eleven straight birthdays at the planetarium. That’s how she found out about his horrifying eating habits, his six massage chairs and about pineapples.

He had thought she was a nerd.

She had thought he was a mess.

Now they were getting married.

God. Amy thinks, as she catches up with the present time and focuses her attention on the previously forgotten scrapbook on her lap, the song still playing through the headphones.

As her eyes ran over the page, her smile grew wider. Amy had no idea how Jake managed to do this but he had actually found the outtakes of the first official portrait of the 99th Precinct Squad after Amy joined them. It was a few day after their first stake out together and ever since then, they had fallen into a comfortable dynamic. He’d tease her, she’d hit back, and vice versa.

The day that portrait was taken, Jake had done his very best to screw up as many takes as possible, making Amy as annoyed as possible. Under the title “SONG #1” (written in his painfully ugly handwriting), there were about seven of those discarded pictures attached to the page with what Amy recognized as some of the washi tapes from her stationary collection. In each one of them Jake had the silliest face imaginable and Amy had an increasing frown.

She rolled her eyes at the memory. It was okay, though. The next day she came in earlier and reorganized Jake’s desk. His absolute panic at the pristine conditions of his workplace was incredibly satisfying to Amy.

The song ended and Amy startled when she realized there was someone banging on the bathroom door.

“Amy?”

Rosa.

She pressed pause before the next song started playing.