#so i'm spending like 30 minutes max on this a day

[arcaneyouth]

i finished making chapter 7 of my comic and immediately my entire routine went to shambles cause i don't know what to do with myself anymore. girlies i'm so bored

[blumineck]

How long do videos usually take, when it comes to filming and editing? Say, if you put out a 1 min tutorial on something, what would be the (gods I hate to use corporate language) turnaround time for it?

Also, what sort of hardware do you use for filming, and software for editing? I'm always curious about the backstage stuff of content creators.

Always love to watch your videos, you're definitely a bard :3

This is a great question! It varies a lot depending on the video, but in general for one of my 'fantasy tropes' videos, the breakdown is something like this:

- filming: ~2 hours (including setup, warmup, multiple takes, fluffing lines, waiting for the neighbour's dog to stop barking, etc.)

- editing: ~1-2 hours (at the end of filming I usually have around 25-30min footage. The first run of editing cuts the outtakes and fluff and takes it to around 5 minutes. Then there's another run or two to cut that down to around 2 minutes.)

I usually make 3 edits:

one clean without captions that I upload to tiktok so that I can use in-app captions, but I also keep a copy of this in case I need it later

one with built-in captions and text that I upload to instagram and here, so you get the captions without a tiktok watermark (unless I want to use sound from tiktok)

One for youtube because their shorts are max 1 minute so I have to cut a load of content and re-edit the captions. (I could post long form but their long stuff is landscape so I'd have to film everything twice!)

- Finally posting: ~30 minutes (titles, formatting, tags, thumbnails, keeping the app open until the upload finishes before starting the next one, etc.)

So in general it's about 4-5 hours for a final video that's around 2 minutes long. Sillier/ meme-ier stuff is more like 2 hours

- but the biggest variable is research/ training. For some videos I already have the information and skill and I just need to check some things, but for some I need to spend time looking up facts, and digging into history, and for others I then need to go away and practice a new skill, which is all hobby stuff that I love doing, but it's still time spent out of a limited budget!

(Which is why I'm starting to look at some more commercial options, patreon, agencies, etc. Because I'm trying to fit this on top of a day job, part time pole teaching, and family commitments, and some weeks it's... not easy)

I do almost all my filming on my phone (iphone... 11? Pro?- quite recent, bought sdcond hand), with one of those grippy arm tripod things, and a bluetooth microphone. Editing is done in an app called capcut, and finished off in various in-app editors for the social media apps.

Anyway, hope that's useful! Glad you like all this stuff! 😁

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Rambles - E.Munson

Summary - Eddie hosts a holiday party, Wayne not expecting 15 people to show up at their trailer. Although the trailer was filled with his friends, he spent most of the party outside with one of his closest friends, Y/N, sharing a joint. 

Word Count - 737

Warnings - Female reader, Use of drugs(weed), use of Y/N

Author's Note - Welcome to day five! I'm still keeping up so hopefully I will be able to keep up for the next 20 days! We shall see!

my masterlist

25 days of fics masterlist

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

Enjoy!

not my gif

not my gif

A year ago, Eddie would have thought he was crazy for spending the holidays with Steve Harrington and Y/N Y/L/N, but this year, it seemed perfectly normal. Wayne had allowed him to host a party in their trailer for his friends. The deal was just Eddie’s friends and nobody else. However, Wayne had vastly underestimated how many friends Eddie actually had. The trailer was packed with people, everyone from Hellfire, including Lucas, was there, Max, El, Nancy, Jonathan, Argyle, Robin, Steve, Y/N and Will. There were 16 people packed into the trailer like a bunch of sardines, when Wayne showed up, he was quite surprised with the amount of friends his nephew had accumulated over the last year.

Most of the older teens had taken over Eddie’s bedroom, the younger ones taking over the living room. Y/N and Eddie were sitting outside on the steps leading up to the front door, sharing a joint as they sat in a comfortable silence. She was the one to break it after a short while. “Wayne seemed surprised with how many people showed up,” She pointed out.

“He thought I was only inviting the Hellfire guys but I don’t think he realized how many people I’m actually friends with,” He replied, “It’s weird to think about really. I mean I had maybe 3 friends last year but this year there are 15 people at my trailer because they chose to be friends with me.”

“Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you? You are one of the best people I’ve had the joy of meeting. You’re like one of my favorite people ever, everyday with you is something new. Nothing is ever the same and I love that because it makes hanging out with you so much more fun because I never know what you’re gonna do,” She rambled, Eddie’s cheeks turning a bright pink color.

“You ramble when you smoke,” Eddie pointed out, “It’s cute.”

“Shut up.” She bumped her shoulder into his with a smile on her face. The two of them shared a laugh before talking about random things that popped into their minds. They sat out there for a few hours just talking and laughing, only going inside as the younger kids started to leave. The number of people in the house dwindling, Steve, Nancy and Robin all left, it was just Gareth, Jeff and Doug hanging out on the couch with Wayne. 

Y/N was getting giggly because she had smoked a little too much. “She’s gonna crash here tonight, if that’s okay Uncle Wayne,” Eddie mentioned. Wayne gave him a noncommittal grunt. He took her hand and led her to his room, Gareth whistling at the pair and Jeff clapping which resulted in a middle finger from both of them. 

This hadn’t been the first time she had stayed over with Eddie, she had stayed over so often that Wayne was just used to her staying. It’s not like Eddie brought girls over, the only girl that was ever at the trailer consistently was Y/N. As they got to his room, he handed her a pair of his boxers and a long sleeve shirt to wear for the night, taking out a pair of long flannel pajama pants. The two of them getting changed with their backs turned to each other before climbing into his bed and getting under the covers. 

They laid beside each other, on their sides just looking at one another. She started to giggle again which made Eddie start chuckling. “What is so funny?” He asked between his laughter. 

“I don’t know,” She giggled with glee. The two of them laughed for nearly 30 minutes before being able to calm down enough to talk. “You’re so handsome,” She said suddenly.

“You’re so beautiful,” He responded with a smile. She pressed her forehead to his as they looked into each other’s eyes. “Your eyes are so red.” 

“So are yours.” 

Both of them fell asleep not long after, their tiredness sneaking up on them. Wayne had checked on them before he had gone to bed, finding the two of them face to face and holding onto one another tightly. He had gently shut the door with a smile on his face, happy for his nephew even though the pair weren’t together just yet. He knew it wouldn’t be very long until the two got together.

[subwaytostardew]

▽ Subway to Stardew - Emmet 8-Heart Event ▽

This plays after getting at least 8 hearts with Emmet and entering the Railroad between 9AM - 4PM on a Thursday after viewing his 7 heart event.

You recieve this letter when you reach 8 hearts with Emmet!

Commentary and progress under the readmore.

▷ Station Steward Thylak

I DID NOT REALIZE THAT THIS EVENT WOULD BE THAT LONG... I could have sworn it was around 14 minutes max! I was worried that the battle stuff went by too quickly! It's almost 30 minutes long! And that's with me clicking away faster! Emmet really meant it when he said he wanted to spend all the livelong day together...

I thought it was going to be roughly 18 minutes. NOPE. WOOPS. This what happens when you write possibly too much.

We are bad at making short events. Vanilla events are around 1-3 minutes long. A day in Stardew lasts 14 minutes and 10 seconds. I would not recommend trying to play this mod spoiler free on multiplayer because time does not freeze and you will die if you don't skip the events. I wouldn't want to shorten the events either... Cutting down their infodumps would just be wrong.

We had a few requests to have a battle event which made me 😅 because I personally couldn't imagine that going well (truth over ideals...). This event was partially made to shut that idea down. The whole tunnel scene is mostly me trying to write an in-story reason as to why there won't be a battle with the farmer against Ingo... Emmet is competitive! This is not just limited to battles but extends to being your best friend! Behind the scenes... I'm just too tired to write out more battles. I actually really dislike single battle format. I'm not making an Ingo battle event. You already have three games to battle him in. I refuse to make more battle events for the time being.

I say that but there's another half-finished double battle event between submas that I switched tracks from to work on Emmet's 8 heart event... I'll finish that eventually.

Anyways... the creation process did not go by quickly at all either. I sure do have a lot to say on that matter. I do all my coding in google docs (terrible, I know) and so far we have had to make 3 seperate documents becuase things start to break at around 40 pages. The document before Emmet's 8 heart event made it to 64 pages before I abandoned it for a new document.

The longest document we have is around 80 pages along. Which usually contain the draft scripts of multiple events. code documents however take up a lot more since it's basically a giant wall of text. So when Emmet's 8 heart event started to slow down the current code document (the third iteration). We had to give the event its own space.

Emmet's 8 heart event ended up being 36 pages long alone! Also if you didn't know, Stardew's event format doesn't allow for line breaks so I have been staring at a 36 page wall of text for weeks. I plan to upload a video compiling all the different options later because I feel like all of the "good" options for battle... don't quite make sense in the context of the rest of the story. The farmer is supposed to not be good at battle and lose because they got overwhelmed with information. As the one writing out all the battle options though, I can't bring myself to act like I'm bad at battling. The winning options are extra silly just to justify a loss and because I couldn't bring myself to lie about Wild Charge not being a guaranteed OHKO on Archeops either. Especially since Emmet brings out damage calculations in a few of the options.

On that topic, all of the battle options play out accurately in a real double battle! I tested. Every. Single. Path. In Pokemon Showdown between the halves of Emmet's team.

I had nightmares of reliving this same battle over and over because that's all I did when I was awake. Make it stopppppp 😭

The lines about them practicing were references to me actually simulating everything in Showdown! Emmet's frustration is also based on how making this event took over my brain so now I struggle to comprehend how someone who doesn't know what to do in this battle would feel... Thank you Kade for helping me with that part ^^;;;

Your welcome =3

I actually enjoyed the Pokémon Showdown part - when it comes to Pokémon Battles, I have dabbled a little bit into the competitive side of things. Or at least the massive game of 4D Chess... trying to predict your opponent etc. Bait them into making a mistake, etc. There was a good time where we did nothing but Pokémon Battles for a night. And it was fun.

I am in no way good at competitive side of things - (I lose lot but that's okay.) especially in the double battle format. Single Battles I could do. (Though once again, I'm average at best) However I think the most memorable battle I ever had was back in Pokémon X and Y, where I managed to chip away and stall a Mega Aggron with a Umbreon.. And I think Umbreon was my last Pokémon but I kept using Moonlight to keep my health up. My kid self was super surprised and ecstatic that I beaten the odds... but whenever I do Pokémon Showdown I'm either testing battle stuff or making teams. I'm addicted to team compositions and doing a combination of different Pokémon even if it's not the competitive Meta....

I have the choices sorted into good/bad routes in my mind so in most of the routes, Emmet criticizes the player's decisions based on type advantage, STAB, and target. I was torn between the best and worst options for this recording but thanks to Kade's input, you get to see Durant ramming into Emmet instead of him getting mad at you for conducting Shadow Claw on Galvantula.

Battling Emmet as a first time trainer is not going to go well! Not only is he too competitive and he refuses to let you win (unlike Ingo), he pretty much sets you up for failiure. I'm sorry Emmet but Galvantula's stats are not intended for making her a physical attacker (emphasis on the Egg Move at what cost...).

Not to mention... Emmet is a Battle Facility Head. And you don't get to battle the Subway Bosses in the mainline games unless you have a somewhat decent team halfway through the game. Even still! They can both wipe the floor with you if you're not aware that they are using battle items...

Though I interpret Emmet not going easy on someone as him challenging them to push themselves and exceed expectations. Both Ingo and Emmet as characters encourage others in their own way, Ingo through words and Emmet I believe through his actions. Though he also can say some encouraging things.

Not the most encouraging if you compare their quotes pages... Customer service and communication isn't exactly his forte... But Emmet wants you to do your best and win against him! He likes seeing serious battlers like him! He just won't let you win unless if you push yourself to do your best. You'll have to. He doesn't really have the most beginner-friendly approach...

Considering you the Farmer, have no idea what a Pokémon even is. (You're practically learning everything from Ingo, Emmet, Elesa etc.) The fact you get challenged to a Battle because Emmet wants to share his interests with you - to have you better understand Pokémon.

He just struggles with the fact that, he is essentially challenging someone with no real battle experience and it's a Double Battle at that. Controlling two Pokémon at once?! Think about the effort it takes to command one Pokémon. We all seen the Anime and how trainers struggle to connect with their partners because they're new. They're just starting. They aren't going to be Battle Facility levels of skill.

Not to mention that Emmet is a little deprived in the valley and hasn't really battled any other new passengers in quite some time. At most, he battled Iris once when she came to visit, Ingo (who's Pokemon are optimized for countering/pissing him off), and himself (I had the mental image of him sitting in the field practicing for this event like an old man playing chess against himself in a park). He's a little too far gone to fully understand what a beginner would think in this situation other than mayyyybe it would take a moment to catch them up to speed. (I would know... I swear those option paths rewired my brain...)

After inputting all of their data into Showdown, I had actually forgotten that Galvantula and Durant are Emmet's Doubles Line team while Eelektross and Archeops are the Super Doubles Line team when deciding the matchups. (Been a while since they were in the Battle Subway huh...) Story-wise, I was thinking that Emmet should be with his ace and that he wouldn't really trust anyone else with Archeops since... he has higher support needs (depression bird 💔). Eelektross and Archeops are paired up because of Gastro Acid and Defeatist. I was thinking that Galvantula and Durant are a bit more beginner-friendly; they can take a loss a bit more easilly (a little less so in Galvantula's case... she's a hater). The farmer had already met Durant earlier in the 4-heart event so he'd volunteer to return the favor of fighting for you. Once you win his trust, he's more than happy to help. As for Galvantula... She's testing to see if she can trust her clingy child with you.

I'm excited to dive into the Pokémon NPC stories... Durant and Excadrill especially.

Durant was originally going to have Choice Scarf instead of Quick Claw to help narrow down the options. It was a pain reorganizing my notes and options all over again to lump not only move choices but turn order in mind. My notes were a mess.

Durant and Galvantula are a very luck-based combination so it was ultimately easier to write the different option paths with that in mind since Stardew's event format is verrrrrrrrrrrry linear. All of the options need to merge back into the same event (well... besides the option to refuse his friendship/battle which ends the event in the tunnel). Durant has lowered accuracy while Galvantula has higher critical hit ratios, I could write the battles based on their luck which is great because I wanted to force a loss.

I thought it would be a little too... reductive (it sure would reduce the amount of content >.>) and unrealistic for the player to impress Emmet with a victory on their first battle. Emmet sees this battle as a test on if you can follow his train of thought and be a good match for him because he's a little bit dependent on you for emotional regulation. He kind of expects you as his favorite passenger to have twin telepathy like Ingo since that's his standard operating procedure. You won't. Because you're not Ingo. You're just some weird farmer he got attached to. With the setup of a battle, I wanted this event to develop the farmer and Emmet's relationship to show that they aren't exactly perfect for each other (and Will say things that can be wrongly misinterpreted) but ultimately they will put in the effort to communicate and make things work. They won't have the best communication! But it's there.

While Ingo has a proper library confession, this event doubles as Emmet's "confession" of sorts. Emmet is already pretty openly affectionate by this point and I wanted to make it somewhat ambiguous as to whether or not his attachment to you is romantic or strictly platonic. To him, it doesn't really matter, but he does want you all to himself. He's not fond of sharing!

But... While Emmet's event may be more platonic in intent, you can still reject him. It's a lot harsher than Ingo's because refusing to even let him try to be a better friend for you is pretty harsh in itself. Ingo's is mostly the choice of whether or not you want to send him back to 6 hearts for more dialogue variety (it's really easy to miss dialogue when you try to max out their hearts as soon as possible! We're making lines for every day, season, and heart level.) Rejecting Emmet sends you back to 2 hearts and overrides his daily dialogue for the day with him asking if you're still friends, apologizing, and then getting too upset to say anything more.

Anyways!

From the start, I wanted Emmet to be like Nemona; awkward in their attachment, somewhat intimidating in their obsession/competitiveness, and thinks of the player as their savior from loneliness. He wants to be the best friend you have because you're the best friend he has. It's only fair. Best rival for life, favorite passenger, same thing.

The mountain pass events were actually made because Emmet's original schedule included him waiting around near the bushes there like Nemona stalking the player on their gym journey. NPCs actually can't path there so when he did, he was just deleted from the save!

I also stumbled across a bug back when I made the very first introduction event where a question loops unless if you pick a certain option. I kept that with Emmet forcing you to keep battling with him in mind as a slight reference to how Nemona doesn't let you say no to being her "best rival for life". This question also makes SMAPI hate you!

Gotta love Pokémon's false sense of 'Sure you have a choice. Your choice is always YES.'

There's probably a more fitting flower for Emmet outside of poppies. I just looked up every flower in Stardew (some of them aren't real...) and their meanings in flower language to come to the conclusion of poppies. The meanings in Emmet's event refer to the white poppy in particular. White. Rest. Oblivion. It fits. Good enough. It was a bit difficult to find more on the flower language of poppies in English (particularly the "Oblivion" part) so I resorted to Japanese sites for more information.

In English, the meaning of "Rest" seems to precede every other meaning. Poppies are used in death memorials. Emmet and the farmer did accidentally develop a shared theme of dying (overwork exhaustion, slimes, the mines, etc... Emmet can't get a break. I'm sorry.) but I wasn't sure if Kade was okay with the theme of death being emphasized. With that in mind, I was stunned when I that saw that her first battle map draft included a graveyard. The implication that Emmet picked flowers from a memorial site...

In my mind - the area is an old train stop in between the desert area and the forest/mountains that lead into Pelican Town. Also figured there would be an abandon farm - considering how Pelican Town is struggling it makes sense that potentially other places are not in best of shape either.

The graveyard is possibly dead relatives of whatever family or farmer made their life near the rails. Of course a lot of time has passed... So much so that nature has taken back what was theirs in the first place.

I always make up stories when having a location in mind and this area parallels with the tunnel Ingo takes you through to stargaze around 10 hearts. That area being an abandon coal mining operation.... Coal, Wood, etc. was used to powered steam trains so makes sense for there to be a source for it. I'm not the best when it comes to filling up Tiled Maps with decor - but I at least put down enough for Thylak to come in and make it more fitting for Stardew

The battlefield underwent quite a few revisions, one was having the battle area be more centered, and changing the old warehouse/worker area to be more like a train repair station with a water stop. I wanted it to feel like a place where Emmet goes to keep himself busy when he's told to take a break from working on the station.

Here's the final map! The battle area had to be shrunken down to fit in an event. More grass was added because I kept losing track of Joltik in the dirt. There's more flowers for Emmet to observe the quality of and pick tge best ones as gifts that he's too nervous to give the farmer until they wilt and dry. Poppies by the gravestones, of course!

I also did attempt to make a proper scrapbook sprite for when I eventually have Emmet give you his gift, but I never got around to implementing it properly since... I'm not familliar with adding custom items and its implementation changes in the 1.6 update.

Despite having access to the modding alpha, I've been procrastinating on migrating to 1.6 since HD Portraits isn't supported yet (I know... 1.6 releases in 3 weeks...).

WOO 1.6 WE ARE NO WHERE NEAR READY FOR ALL THE STUFF THAT POSSIBLY GOING TO BREAK. LOL.

Until next time! Thank you for reading!

[searchingforakeythatdoesntexist]

Day 18: "Hear me out, Angel" - Good Omens, Singer Fem!Crowley upcoming? + Important Announcement (♥Print Shop Opening, and promo code for you all!!♥)

Birds flying high

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Reeds drifting on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good...

"Hear me out, Angel..."

Yes, hear me out, because I have the pleasure to announce that my Print shop is finally open! (link here)

I am so excited!!!! (And nervous too, but this is quite usual for me as you know :-p)

For this grand Opening, please have this special code for -20% on your first purchase: NAH4QBRN. It will last until the February 8th, but no minimal amount!

You have been quite a few to ask me if I do prints of my art, and more often since my most recent artworks ("We're bound" & "Bliss"). Well, here we are! You’ll find there my most appreciated artworks ("ancient" style and "New Red" style) There are some beautiful close-up shots of my biggest artworks too. If your favourite artwork/close-up shot is missing, please contact me on my Ko-Fi or ask on my Tumblr and I will put it in the shop too!

Come and take a peek!!!

About the sketch

Realisation time: 3 hours 30 minutes

Today's theme: my followers on Ko-Fi discovered last night my first attempt as drawing a new Fem!Crowley of mine. “Attempt” because I lost too much time hesitating on the traits, then the colours, then the shades… And the final result didn’t even please me -_- For the Wives, I usually draw DT/MS physical traits then try to smooth it and feminise it, but it clearly doesn’t work well for me. So, I tried something different here, and started to draw in my ancient style, then slightly changed the physical traits until I obtain a face that look like DT’s Crowley face. Maybe there are some tutorials about how to draw and feminise masculine traits… But, no, it’s funnier to find by myself :-p (for now).

I have an important new project in mind, a “Singer/Musician” ensemble of artworks (AU or Canon, I have yet to decide). But you my dear GO fam, you'll have a role to play in it. So, I HAVE to be able to draw my Wives more classy and sexy than ever. For now I will train a little bit more, but I hope I will be able to talk about it soon, maybe next week?

The Daily Sketch Challenge Rules:

Personal challenge: a simple sketch each day

Goal: forcing me to keep things simple - inking, shading, just a few sashes of colour

Improvement pursued: to get the movement, the emotion, finding how to add depth, learning how to leave things barely finished

Max time allowed: 2 hours Ow bloody hell, what if I change this rule for good? Each time for the last 7 days I had a perfect raison to spend more time on my Daily sketch. (Today it was the Grand Opening =D)

[Previous] [Next Day] [First Day]

Don't forget to 💕/ reblog ;-)

Buy me a coffee? ♥ https://ko-fi.com/elenthya ♥

[lol-jackles]

I enjoyed the first episode of Season 4 of Walker, it's no peak SPN but it's grown into itself. I'm not an avid watcher but it's easy TV and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

So my question is, what number of viewers need to be on live and +7 for it to stay on air and with what demographic?

The live figures and demographic seemed to be falling, but that is the same for all CW shows.

Are you still expecting an announcement of an extended series announcement?

FYI, there is a picture of Jensen in Vancouver having dinner with some of the cast of Watcher, so the rumour is yet another guest star gig is on the cards...

With over 50% of total (legal) TV viewers in U.S are now online and catch-up services, Live TV viewers are only a small chunk of what advertisers use. Live TV viewings do matter, but the networks also look at how a show does in DVR (up to 35 days post-airing usually) and on streaming. Part of the reason why CW created the CW app was so they could get better user data, and optimize their content based on that (similar to the OG Netflix model), so it would make sense if they put less weight on Live TV viewership, as the OG CW had already done.  If one person watches twice on CW app then they would be counted as two content starts.   And if one person watched the full 40 min duration twice then they would have contributed 80 minutes of viewing to the show.  But if you want to a reach of unique non-duplicated viewers for a certain show, they’d be counted once.   There are a lot of different metrics but multiple viewings factor into plenty of them.  Same for actual true for linear tv - if you watch something on a dvr more than once they are all counted. It’d be cool if these streaming numbers were released, but unfortunately that’s a much less transparent process than Live TV, so non-industry people still base their ratings knowledge off of that.

The Nielsen ratings are still used and still matters and it helps that there’s industry transparency. Linear tv still sells mostly on C3 (commercial viewing live + 3 days). But networks will track digital viewing within the US.  There's a lot of metrics to measure “success” on digital platforms beyond viewership - how many new subscribers it brought in, if they stayed to watch other things, how long they spend on the platform, etc

Of course CW app doesn't have subscribers but downloads. On Valentines Day CW app officially crossed 100 million downloads across all platforms and was #1 in the Apple App Store for 3 consecutive years during fall premieres.

The rule of thumb is if an app has 10 million downloads, on average 30% of downloads are active.  So CW app has 100 million downloads, 30% are active, and a total of 30 million active users.  With ads, it's easy money for the network.

For context.  

Peacock = 31 million subscribers 

Paramount = 37 million subscribers

Max = 98 million subscribers

Disney = 111 million subscribers

Netflix = 260 million subscribers 

Of the Big 5's subscribers, we don't know the percentage of active watchers.  But streaming services actually prefer that you don't watch because that costs bandwidth.  Just like gyms make their money from memberships where most members don't go to the gym regularly.

At this point no, I don't expect series extension announcement. The whole industry is going, as they say in business downsizing, restructuring.

I said in another post, never say never to the idea of Jensen scoring a guest star gig on Tracker.

[csuitebitches]

so, I need help. my sleep schedule is COMPLETELY messed up and I can't seem to fix it. I wake up at 6:30 am everyday, but these days I go to sleep very late. the time can range from 11 pm to 2 am, sometimes even 3 am. and the thing is, I spend the time sometimes scrolling through YouTube, or most of the time I'm reading a romance novel. I've been trying to break the habit but I'm getting this goddamn anxiety because I'm not able to read much book?? I'm falling back into the same pattern please help me😭

This is such a specific question because you’ve already identified the problem and the causes - and I’m pretty sure the solution is already in your mind somewhere because you know your body best.

I can’t give you a black and white answer because human bodies are so different. IMO, you should be in bed by max 11 pm to get a decent nights’ sleep.

I also can’t fix your sleep schedule for you. You have to do that yourself. I can tell you all sorts of things but if you’re not going to listen to your rational instinct or to your body’s needs, there’s nothing I can do.

A schedule that could help:

Keep your phone/ book away after 10 pm.

Take a hot shower.

Put on a sleep inducing playlist from Spotify - nothing that can excite you or incite any emotion, you have to listen to calming music.

Deep breathing practices 10 minutes before you sleep.

Lights off by 10:45 pm.

The first week or two will be difficult. You’ll want to check your devices constantly. Do not give into the urge. Even if you don’t feel sleepy, do not check your phone or laptop or book. Lie idle in the dark until sleep takes over. The second you touch your device, you’re going down the same rabbit hole you’re trying to get out of.

Look, I can at best guide you but it’s like me putting gas in your car - the responsibility of driving the car is yours, not mine. A lot of people think that there’s a special formula to everything in life. In most cases, there’s only one formula which no one can do for you - discipline. Showing self restraint.

Your anxiety about not reading the book is a very niche question that unfortunately I cannot answer for you. But I also have to question you - is it truly anxiety you feel if you don’t read the book or is it merely excitement of wanting to know what’s going on? Anxiety is a heavy word. It’s important to not recklessly label everything as “anxiety” or “toxic” or “depression” without understanding the gravity of the words.

[dainty-fingertips]

Hello! Sorry for using your private messages the first time, but I was wonder what would the sinister six do at the beach with the reader.

of course!! i love the beach trip trope hehe >> i don't know if this is what you wanted or not, but i'm gonna write this in the tssm! ss x engineer! reader series ive been doing :DD

||

tssm! sinister six x engineer! reader at the beach

Oh my lord,,,,,,,,

not sure how you managed to find the time to convince the boys to go to the beach with you, but it happened

they were,, uh,,, surprisingly cooperative?

Rhino/Alex O'Hirn was a bit iffy on the whole beach idea and reasonably so

i mean, homeboy has massive metal plating over everywhere but his face

howeveRRR,,,,,, puppy eyes are his weakness, and ya know,,,

He does wear swim trunks and they have the most obnoxious pattern on them and he is adorable the entire time

finds little creatures for you both to admire

"Ay, ay Yn!! Check dis out!! [is holding a sea urchin]"

"How did you get that, Alex??"

":DDD"

Flint Marko/Sandman, on the other hand, was really excited!! this was his big chance to impress you with his super sick sand tricks

impress you he did (even though it was nothing new, you were very supportive of him)

He is very grinny around you already and hearing you gush about how sick his powers were at the beach made him an absolute MESS

again, we see how a little kindness can work wonders on an attractive man in his 30s that has been touch starved since high school

"So, er, do ya wanna see me,, do it again?"

"Yes!! I had no idea you could do that!! I wish I could have powers like yours, Flint."

"<:,)) tank you, sweethaht,,,"

Montana/Shocker absolutely found the skimpiest pair of swim trunks he could but he never touches the ocean

He spends his time at the over-exaggerated tiki-themed bar on the shoreline offering to buy you all the margs your heart could desire

The entire day he complimented your swimsuit and how pretty you looked in it

he was sobbing inside behind a mask of smirking confidence

please kiss him

now

"Happy 'our starts in'bout 30 minutes. Wanna wait around wi'me, doll?"

"Sure thing. My legs are a bit tired, so it'll do me some good to sit with you :))"

",,,,,,,,,,, wantmetokissthemandmakethemfeelbetter"

"what"

Adrian Toomes/Vulture wasn't fond of the ocean, either

He and Otto spent their time at the beach under a large umbrella talking about science and crime and other assorted questionable topics for the beach

look bro

the moment he saw you he had to get up and walk away for a second

give him a breather alright

as your employer he order you stop looking so beautiful RIGHT NOW

seriously you're making his blood sugar rise just from how sweetly you're smiling you gotta stop this

He brings a book or two but can't read them for your company with him

"I must say, you look stunning in that swimsuit, Yn."

"Aw, stop. You'll make me blush!"

"Maybe I'd like to see that."

Otto Octavius/Doctor Octopus was equally as infatuated with your newfound beach attire, but masked it politely (unlike Montana, who could learn a thing or two)

He invites you to sit with him and admire the ocean from slightly afar beneath the umbrella

definitely checks up every so often on your sunscreen. homie does NOT want you getting sunburnt

should you get sunburnt,,,,,, well, i'll save that as a little sickfic idea for another time

he is absolutely enamored with you the entire time

"Can I offer you a towel to dry off with, dear?"

"I was going to get back in a little later, I just wanted to come sit with you for a little bit, Doc. :)"

"Ah... your company is more than welcome. Tell me, how has your day been so far?"

Max Dillon/Electro was busy building sand castles a little farther up from the water.

you felt just awful that he had to wear his suit to the beach the way he did, but you understood the danger otherwise

to make up for it, you spent a lot of time with him!!

long conversations about this, that, and the other lead to the single most architecturally impressive sandcastle the world has ever seen

(flint helped secretly)

he was all grins with you helping him out which is a rare feat from someone as hurt as he was

you couldn't believe how good he was at building these, you eneded up building like,,,,, three more

"but then, i turned the corner and realized i'd made it out of the maze somehow, and i was just wandering around this guy's - oh, this is nearly as big as you, Yn!!"

"Finish your story!! Were you just in his house??"

"O-Oh! Well, effectively, yes! I had no idea how it happened!"

overall an absolute whale of a time

absolutely smitten

every one of them

[lord-pigeon]

The thing you're not getting about why genshin is worse is because events are not meant to be the primary source of quartz in fgo. It comes from your weekly log in, live streams, 50 day ten pull, ascending servants to their second last ascension, story quests, free quests and the ten quartz you get from doing ten of them, rank up and interludes and the quartz you also get for doing ten of those, and special occasions like anniversary and new year. If you do ten rank ups you get a ten pull and you can do this in maybe an hour or two, now try grinding a ten pull in genshin. It'll be a lot more time investing and taxing considering you're just pressing buttons in fate. Also genshin's odds are just lower and it bleeds whales way harder by making constellations do more than just damage and they make modern 4 stars suck without them. Yes genshin has a better pity but that isn't the be all end all, you need to get 5 copies to max a 5 star in fate where as genshin its 6 AND 5 copies of their weapons. I could keep going on about ways that it's worse all day long, especially when genshin has way more micro transactions and predatory practices like battlepasses and resin but take that fate is worse is utterly baffling tbh

Oh boy let's get into the math here because this is where the fun begins.

Don't get me wrong, I'll never defend Genshin's dogshit practices, but I have a personal grudge against FGO fans sucking on it when it's literally the bastard of the mainstream bunch. This argument is me pitting garbage against garbage to say which one is stinkier.

This gonna be long so I'm putting this under a cut:

Alright FGO dailies list (I'll use NA for FGO, since Genshin is a global server schedule):

Day 2=1 SQ, Day 4=1 SQ, Day 6=2 SQ and Day 7=Ticket (3 SQ equivalent)

Total: 7 SQ

Needed for a tenfold: 30 SQ

Weeks needed for a tenfold via Log-In alone: 4 weeks and 4 days. 32 days total.

It should be noted that if you miss a single day, it resets from the very start. You must log in no matter what. It might take but a few moments, but note, you have to.

Genshin dailies list:

10 Primos per Comm/action, total of 40, and a 20 Primo bonus for turning into Katherine

Total: 60 Primos

Needed for tenfold 1600 Primo

Weeks needed for a Log-In alone: 26 days total.

Genshin's big detriment is that while you never lose your place, you need to spend time on Commissions. It can be anywhere from 5-10 minutes, which is a bit of a serious timesink. It's a bit better with the Fontaine update but it's still a pain in the ass for those on the go.

Alright, but Lord, that's just raw Log-In, what about monthlies?

Monthlies are the same, since both give you 5 tickets/fates to use. Genshin is at the disadvantage here since you need to spend the stardust you get from summoning on it, but Fate also requires you to spend Mana Prisms. Fundamentally similar, it's just that Fate wins out by the small margin Mana Prisms are slightly easier to obtain.

What about pity?

Eat my ass, Fate's pity system just happened cause they were getting this ass beat monetarily and they gave up and did a base-tier QOL update. Six FUCKING years we waited for pity and its over 900 SQ??? ((330 pulls btw))

I saved a whole year and a half back for Musashi's inital release and I just barely had that shit. And that was events, dailies, so on and so forth. (I got her in three tickets so nobody come at me with the fact I'm just a bitter old bird who didn't get my cute girl.)

While there's the 50/50 mechanic with Genshin, that levels the idea of 180, and that's going to hard-hard pity. No matter what, you can, and will, at least get the character you want.

Now what if we include Weapon Banner, since people assume Weapons+Characters *must* go together rather than it just being BIS and disregarding the completely different game mechanics of turn-based FGO and action rpg Genshin (<bitter).

Weapon Hard Pity is 240 pulls. You get a Fate Point for 80 pulls if you don't get your directed weapon, and you get another one if you get screwed again. Two Fate Points guarantees the next 80 is what you want.

Now, that might equal 420 pulls, but there's a catch few people acknowledge: Soft Pity.

Genshin has a system that, the closer you get to that hard pity, the higher the rate goes up. Therefore, it's not often someone actually goes to the hard 80 or 90. I'm just using the hard numbers as a point.

FGO is a hard pity, nothing about the rates changes from Summon 1 to Summon 330. Plus no guarantee you actually even get something from those 330 pulls--at least in Genshin you get a Basic Banner character who has some measure of utility you can use to make progress.

Also FGO pity doesn't carry per banner, but Genshin's does, so if you get fucked over and wanna wait a few months, you have another shot instead of wasting all of it cause you got close but no cigar.

But what about upgrades? Constellations?

NP-bonuses are rather minor and not as key as say, Xiao C1 or Hu Tao C1, so FGO has the edge there. However, that leads me to the side point of:

Weapons.

Reasonably, everyone talks about how the 3-star weapons suck, yadda yadda. You get so many weapons from the game as welfare that are good and can be used by multiple characters. You don't need a 5-star weapon, just because you aren't hitting 300k a hit doesn't mean shit.

Genshin has a lot more versatility in team building than FGO tbh, since a lot of FGO's boils down to "Do you have Merlin/Skadi/Chen Gong/Waver/Tamamo/Castoria/Support Caster.png" that you can then use with any other character.

Not saying Genshin doesn't have that too with Qinqiu and Bennett, but due to the nature of Spiral Abyss, people have gotten smart about using others instead of just them cause it's a split up team system.

Citation: I didn't get a single 5-star Weapon until Year 2.5 of Genshin. Fun fact, I also didn't have a single DPS 5-star either (all I had since launch was Diluc and Venti), until fucking Cyno came out. I managed to play the game just fine.

Now in FGO NA, I was also there since Launch, and I didn't get my first SSR until the Solomon raids, in which I finally got Florence Nightingale. I was playing the game carried by Kiyohime, Salter, and throwing SQ at revives. And guides, christ, so many guides it made Arknights look elementary.

What about general SQ/Primo flow (the Anniversaries and whatnot mentioned)?

FGO, the year of 2023, had, according to a Reddit post which I can link if people want the source, is: 2571 SQ, tickets included.

This Reddit post involved Servant NP Ascension Quests, Events, Chunked Log-In Bonus, Live Streams, Bond Stuff, ect ect (also, stuff you can't do if you didn't roll them, the post was being generous with people getting what they rolled or had)

That is about 85.7 tenfolds. So, if you don't spend a penny and not miss a day of logging in, the average joe might get about 2, 3 hard pities on who they want. Presuming I'm doing the math right on that.

Genshin, in the year of 2022, had, according to another Reddit Post, roughly 100k Primogems.

That equals about 62.5 tenfolds, or over 620 Fates. Now, tossing that into the system with someone with the worst luck imaginable that wants a character, that's about the same amount of 3 to 4 guaranteed pities.

One might note that the numbers are about the same, and yeah, that checks. However, there's a lot of variables, such as Spiral Abyss for Genshin, and actually having the characters to do Interludes on.

Half-baked conclusion

FGO is a money sink, Genshin is a time sink. They both sink your serotonin. Nobody wins.

Look, I play both, I have grief with both, I have fond memories of both. I wouldn't have a stupid expensive Okada figurine sitting next to a custom Cyno plushie if I hated these games.

But they're gacha, they're both out for your money, it's just that one is just a raging cunt about the whole affair.

Reddit Post Citations:

[literaticat]

Why do agents like phone calls so much? It seems unique to that profession, I don't see that much phone enthusiasm from other industry people. I feel like from a logical standpoint email is much more efficient if you pitch something or talk about edits or something since you've got an overview and don't have to remember it all?

??? do they ???

I don't think agents particularly "like phone calls" much more than any other group of people does -- some like them, some are indifferent, some loathe them I'm sure. Some editors like them, some are indifferent, some loathe them I'm sure.

(And some editors -- not many, but SOME -- are ghosts on email and the only way of possibly getting hold of them is by phone. The same is also probably true of some agents! Not many, but some!)

Anything important that really you need to remember or reference again in the future will come via email. If anything is discussed in a call that requires further action, it should be memorialized in a follow-up email -- and if anyone ever calls you and says "I'd like to offer BLAH BLAH NUMBERS NUMBERS BLAH" (which happens to me quite often!) -- you just say, "Great, can you send that via email! Thanks!"

Personally, aside from weekly scheduled zoom agency meetings which I am not counting in this assessment -- I spend maybe 15-30 minutes per week on the phone, max. If there is the occasional week where I have an hour long call, there are also many weeks where I have no calls at all. I think the same is probably true of many agents.

On the flip side, I could spend easily five hours a day JUST doing email. Not reading manuscripts or contracts, not looking at royalty statements or editing or answering Tumblr questions -- JUST answering and sending email after email after blessed email. (I usually DON'T do it for five hours at a time, because I also do all those other things, but I COULD, and I still wouldn't be done, because it's never-ending.)

The only (ONLY) time I need to have a call or zoom with an author is before I offer to sign somebody -- "The Call" as writers call it -- so that they can get to know me, I can get to know them, and any questions they might have can be answered, etc.

SOME authors, it might surprise you to know, actually do really prefer to call or zoom to have "what's next" chats, and that's fine, I'm happy to do that if they want to, particularly if we haven't touched base in a while, so they can catch me up on whatever they are doing, and vice versa. It can definitely be helpful if you are workshopping ideas or something, because actually, that is an interactive and iterative process. If you are telling me about what your next project is, and I can ask questions and have a real-time conversation about it, and you are expressing your enthusiasm to me -- that might be more effective than a dry paragraph in an email, yanno? Enthusiasm is contagious! (But again, if anything important happens, or there are action items, that's what a follow-up email is for!)

That being said, not every author wants to do that, and that's absolutely fine, too. Aside from The Call and When A Client Asks For A Call, the only time I would ever want to have a call with an author or an editor is A) if it is something sensitive that I don't feel comfortable writing down for some reason, like, I need your social security number, or I need to tell you about a piece of HOT GOSSIP -- OR B) if it truly would be much faster than an email -- like we are having a back-and-forth conversation that needs to be finished quickly, and just picking up the phone and asking the three questions for ten seconds and getting the answers RIGHT THEN is easier than waiting for each of us to type, etc etc. Like please, let me get back some of my day from the tyranny of my inbox and just ask this in real time, thank you.

Finally: Any phone enthusiasm you think literary agents possess is, I promise, absolutely ECLIPSED by the passion that Hollywood people have for the phone. They LOVE to call anyone and everyone, ALL THE LIVE-LONG DAY, including after hours in NY because they are in LA and forget about the time difference. For something, for nothing, for any reason or no reason at all. IF they email, they tend to be extremely brief to the point of uselessness, because, no doubt, they are emailing from their phones in their cars while stuck in traffic. IT'S A NIGHTMARE, ACTUALLY.

[isthehorsevideocute]

Hey there! I did a quick search on your blog and didn't see mention of this, so I thought I'd ask since you seem pretty knowledgeable (if that's ok!)

I was wondering what your thoughts are on Medieval Times and their performance practice with horses? Is it enrichment or is it overwork/abuse? Does it depend on location?

I'm asking because the only takes I've seen before have either been from animal-rights-activist vegan types who think using animals for entertainment is bad no-matter-what, or from more conservative folks who don't actually care about animal welfare to begin with and think it all must be fine as long as it's "legal." I'd love to see an actually educated take from someone more well-rounded! If this is asking too much you don't have to answer it, of course. I've always wanted to go back to a medieval times, but I also don't want to be supporting something bad!

Thank you!! Your blog is very interesting and I love what you do :)

Thank you! And I'm happy to discuss just about anything involving horses.

Mock jousting is a fine horse sport and is generally very low stress at that. Jousts like those seen at Medival Times and ren fairs are choreographed and performed by trained actors, very little is expected of the horses. All the horses have to do is gallop in a straight line, and be brave enough to carry flags, run passed eachother, and be chill with brittle fake weapons and riders flying off their backs. Comparing it to many other horse sports which I also am not against or even partake in myself, jousting horses have it pretty easy. In my sport we basically train our horses to be fit enough to gallop for 5-10 minutes straight. Jousting horses only have to gallop for 30 seconds max per match. While I don't necessarily follow it that closely, I've yet to see any mishaps on horses associated with jousting.

Personally I'm a huge fan of just about any kind of mounted martial arts. In pretty much all cases, a bit of courage with strange sensations and noises is all that is really expected of horses used for it and really it's a good thing to prepare any horse for. I've personally been trying to get into mounted archery, and my cousin did rodeo where she competed in mounted shooting.

The only potential issue i can see maybe is the facilities the horses are kept, but from what little I know in how horses are kept for things like medeval times is that they tend to outsource from horse farms that have horses trained for these types of jobs and they rotate through so they will spend some time at the facility and some time on their home farm where they will get light work and training brush ups with plenty of rest days where they can go out and be horses.

[wheresarizona]

•PROMPTS ARE CLOSED•

Hello there! I hit a bit of a follower milestone, and I am shook that there are so many of you! Thank you so very, very much for following and reading my stories! I cherish every like, reblog, and comment, and you all have no idea how much it means to me that you like my fics! I wanted to do something to thank you all, and I thought I could do Pedro requests. I’ve never done them before, but I figured I’d give it a try, so please be gentle and patient. I have a list of boys and prompts for you to choose from, and I’ll accept requests until the end of July!

My blog is 18+!! Minors DNI!!

Please choose (1) Pedro character and (1) prompt from the lists, and send me an ask. ❤️

(Fics will be 500 words or less, or possibly more if I go overboard.)

The Boys:

(Keep in mind, I like my grumpy boys soft and lovingly devoted to their partner. If there’s someone not listed you want to see me write, just DM me)

Dave York

Din Djarin

Frankie Morales

Jack Daniels

Javi Gutierrez

Javier Peña

Joel Miller

Marcus Pike

Max Phillips

Maxwell Lord

Oberyn Martell (Modern AU)

Pero Tovar (Modern AU)

The Prompts:

Sweet

1. "You're cute when you're jealous."

2. "I'd shout it from the rooftop."

3. “I don't want you to go yet; let me hold you for a minute longer.”

4. “I'm not staring at you, I'm admiring. There’s a difference.”

5. “Fine, you can hug me for five minutes, but then you have to let me go.”

6. “Stay here, and I'll run you a bath.”

7. “Come here, and give me a goodnight kiss.”

8. “You're so warm, I don't want to let you go.”

9. “Did you just bite me?”

10. “How would you feel about spending the day in bed?”

11. “I think I know what that smile means.”

12. “The way you get flustered is adorable.”

13. “Let’s get out of here; I’ll buy you dinner and maybe breakfast.”

14. “Have I told you I love you today?”

15. “There is no better way to start the day than seeing your face.”

16. “I love how you look in my shirt.”

17. “Believe me, I will never tire of you.”

18. “I sleep better when you’re in my arms.”

19. “I like your name, but I think it’d sound better if we added (His Last Name) after it.”

20. “Marry me?”

21. “Can I kiss you?”

22. “I love you, and it terrifies me.”

Spicy

23. “Bend over.”

24. “On your knees.”

25. “Open your mouth.”

26. “You’re not wearing any underwear.”

27. “If you keep looking at me like that, I can’t help what happens next.”

28. “I love how you moan my name.”

29. “I want to taste you.”

30. “Don’t come yet.”

31. “Take off your clothes.”

32. “I want to fuck you right against this window so everyone can see how good you take it.”

33. “I just want to please you.”

34. “Stay quiet.”

35. “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”

36. “You make a sound, and I stop.”

37. “I know you can get louder.”

38. “I'd hold onto something if I were you.”

39. “Scream my name, let the neighbors know who’s fucking you.”

40. “Keep your eyes on me.”

41. “You’re really going to make me beg for it?

42. “Are you going to eye fuck me all night, or do something about it?”

43. “Swallow it. That’s my good girl.”

44. “Come sit on my face.”

Thank you!!

I’ll work on the prompts between writing my bigger projects.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Okay, Other Max and Max. I want to hit them both in the head and then hug them till they feel very loved and enough for everyone. And then take them to therapy. Therapy I tell you.

Max and Other Max fight reminded me of Max and Jaden fight. Which kinda made me miss Jaden too to be honest, because Jaden was way easier to deal with. Max and Other Max, not so much. "You fuck him while I spend every day with him" was what Jaden told Max in IALS so I'm drawing a line of similarity between Jaden and Max and Other Max with Max from IALS (too many men with the name Max). And that's very confusing but also not. Because we know how Other Max feels about the argument. It's the same way Max feels in IALS. And we know how lil Max feels (I'm calling him that because this is getting too confusing). Here's something that is different though and it's pissing me off. In LBAF, Other Max also knows how Max feels. It's literally his past self so if anything he should be more sympathetic. He should be more supportive. Things would be so much different if he could realize that this isn't just about David but it's also about Max. He must remember what he felt like back then. But he doesn't act like it. And if he did, everything would be different. It's not about sharing David for 52 minutes. It's about doing things for him that Max can't. And of course he can't. Other Max doesn't get affected by the things happening. His only concern is David. Max is different. Max has these things happening to him. And he is 30. He is not a powerful warlock who can see the future and fix everything. He is just a 30 year old parent, just like David. He should get to just be 30, like when he wanted to be just 18 in LBAF I I think, and David told him, so let's just be 18 we'll figure out the rest. The fact that he doesn't treat himself that way and Other Max doesn't either is pulling on my last nerve. Putting himself in impossible standards and then feeling like a failure when he naturally can't meet them is impossible. And if he talked to David, you know actually communicate and say "I think Other Max is better at making you happy and taking care of you and you trust him more than me" David would tell him. But he doesn't. He doesn't tell David that. Please tell me he will at some point??

He somehow told Other Max. And if he had reassured him, everything would be different. I mean, he is 730 years old and he still hasn't learned to treat himself with kindness? Someone do somthing about that! So he acted like an ass and now we're screwed. And no, it's not the same thing as Jaden. Other Max was Max and David is his David and he should do better. And he doesn't because no one is harded that Max more than he is and that why Other Max treats him like that. So Max keeps feeling like a failure and instead of processing he uses Other Max as a scapegoat and Other Max keeps completely ignoring the affect he has on Max's personality and character growth. And David, David honestly I don't even know. Max is right, him being angry and expressing his sadness and saying "I'm not fine" is healthy. Something he should do to process and he doesn't. He doesn't process. And if Other Max is the reason, him reassuring David then they're double screwed. Because if Other Max wasn't there then they would both be forced to face their emotions at least. But now they both use him as a scapegoat. And that's really really bad.

All in all I think Other Max being there is screwing up a lot of things and him trying to help will have terrible consequences. And it's making me angry that he's not aware and that he doesn't acknowledge it. And the lack of communication is helping no one.Also, Max and Other Max hurting each other is bad and oh when David finds out we're in for a ride because one thing that will get David mad is Max hurting himself and Other Max kinda is his future self.

This chapter honestly killed me and this whole weird love triangle those three have going on worries me so much that I can't wait for Lucifer to show up (I'm gonna regret saying that, won't I?). You broke me but I love you thank you for this wonderful chapter🩷🌷

PS: Here is a tik tok that I had saved originally because it was like Max for IALS David and Jaden but it also fits Other Max about LBAF Mavid and I don't know how I feel about it now

I was already thinking about LBAF V when I was writing IALS so I can assure you that the parallels are very much intentional (especially the two fights). Someone once asked me if Jaden is Other Max, but we see that it is indeed Max (in IALS) who is actually Other Max. (how my brain keeps up with all of this, I will never know).

I think the whole Other Max not helping Max is a very valid point. Max talks about this too - saying he was excited to meet his future self but Other Max didn't want to hang out with him. I'd like to note that Other Max doesn't hang out with Lance and Arthur either (in the future), only with David. We'll get to that later.

He could be kinder to Max. But I think he doesn't want to be. He has his priorities. If he has to choose between making himself feel better and making David feel better, it's not a choice for him at all. But, having said that, I can also tell you that it is all more complicated than this (can you imagine??).

David will not handle it well, yes. But it depends on when David finds out about it. He won't until the present timeline (LBAF IV epilogue) and it's been a long time and we see David reacting less and less to 'bad things' because he is losing himself slowly.

There is, however, a scene between the three of them that I can't wait for you to read. It's one of those scenes that's very far away but I think about it almost every day sigh.

ALSO THAT TIKTOK THAT WAS HILARIOUS. I ASPIRE TO BE THAT PERSON.

PS - Who says Lucifer already hasn't showed up? :)

[kmp78]

I love your IG and your blog. You don't bully or harass anybody on IG. While they post 5 pics, 2 reels and 20 stories daily and comment at least 10 times on every single post from JL. How many posts are you putting on IG in a month? At max 5, if the circus is extra juicy and you never tag the involving parties or share their names/accounts. Now look at them following every single person JL comes into contact with and spamming them with comments. They wouldn't give a shit about Gflo, CB, EW, Mark or Suzanna if not for JL. Ironic how they point their fatty SFG fingers at you but still stalk your IG & blog. Let's face it. If you want the intel on JL and his shenanigans, you're the number 1 source/holy grail on the www. And they are dying to find out every dirty little juicy secret about La Principessa while claiming they love and respect him so much. I spend 30 minutes checking IG and your blog. They gossip and fantasize about him 24h/day. Laughs on them not us!

Indeed the only place I spam is here! 😂🫣

And if people purposely come here, then...

It's kinda like going out to stand in the rain sans umbrella and then raging cos you got wet. 😂🌧🤬😭

But their (very secret) thirst for gossip prevents them from ever admitting they come here. 🤫

(Except sometimes when some of them accidentally hit the like button on a random post here and I notice it... 😂🫢)

But I'm glad you enjoy this madhouse! 🤗😘

[dzpenumbra]

5/25/23

Another tired day, I'm wiped. 6 hours of sleep is just not enough for me.

I did a yoga thing today that was very intense. I swear it's just my shoulders holding me back right now, which is frustrating. I've put on a layer of belly fat for the first time in my life. It's really not that big of a deal, but I don't know. I did some core routine today expecting to hit my core hard, but I'm not even sore. It's weird.

Working out has changed a lot for me, recently. I used to be able to work out much more, and then I'd feel sore throughout the rest of the day. Today, my shoulders basically gave out again. It was doing climbers or whatever they're called, I don't know. And it was at the end of a routine after a bunch of other shoulder stuff, including planks. And my shoulders just noped out after like 5 or 6 of 'em. And I took a break, and got back up and did more, then collapsed again. And my shoulders aren't even sore right now. I don't get it. But hey, beating myself up about it sure as hell isn't going to make anything better. I just need to keep practicing.

Maybe I need to tune up my diet. This whole ice cream every night thing has gotten out of hand. It started as a morale thing, something I typically do during the Fall and Winter because I get super depressed in the Winter... but this time I made an exception because of the whole grieving thing. And it's been like... an ice cream sundae every night. And that shit ain't good. Sugar is the big bad one. I'm definitely not in my 20's anymore, I'm not even in my early 30's anymore. I actually have to watch my diet a bit now, and not just because of putting on weight.

On the whole diet thing... I ordered groceries today and put on a big batch of chicken spinach artichoke pasta in the slow cooker. It's fucking good, it's one of my favorites. I don't think it's that bad, health-wise. Idk. I've never really cared enough to get into min-maxing nutrition. I feel like I just need to be more active.

I'm feeling a little frustrated and a bit anxious being in an urban environment. I like that I'm near things (but... it's not like I go anywhere), and it definitely makes living without a car much easier... but like... Nature is so far away. And at the old house, I would go on a 5 minute drive and spend the whole day walking around in the woods. I miss that shit a lot. I would love a trail maintenance job. In fact, before I had to give up on the whole car thing, I was going to apply for an intensive course on sustainable trail making. I was really excited about it, too. And... obviously I had to tap out of that, no transportation. Sad. But hey, if I could make that work someday, that'd be chill. Go out and walk the trails every day, stay home and do art and internet shit at night. That's a nice balanced life, in my opinion.

I'm a bit anxious because I heard a bunch of bangs the other day and it turns out they were gunshots. It was on the road across the river from me. Probably not super close, but too close for comfort. That was the place I was thinking about going for a nice ride on my electric skateboard one of these days. Is it paranoid for me to not feel safe skating alone on a sidewalk a few days after some lunatic was shooting at houses at 1AM? Maybe. But I feel it. So... yeah.

God, I'm really exhausted. I can tell by how little I engage with thought-streams.

I finished my abstract ink piece, but I didn't take a picture, so maybe I'll post that tomorrow or something, I don't know. I started another one too. That was my art for the day. No bead work. I looked up the problem with the Mod Podge and... it's just how Mod Podge is. I guarantee I googled this back in February, too, and came to the same conclusion. I have acrylic sealer, if I feel like giving that a try... I can bring these outside and spray them down tomorrow, consider them a test run. I would assume an aerosol acrylic sealer on top of Mod Podge would make these things bulletproof. But I don't think I've ever used it before, so I don't know.

So yeah, that stuff and groceries and that was pretty much my day.

Oh fuck... actually... it wasn't. Because something happened before my day started. And... I now remember why I've been really anxious and on edge today. My anxiety has been heightened, but like... okay... how do I put this... my baseline feels fine, but if I get anxious... that shit is massively amplified. If that makes sense. Like... the stream I was watching was talking about how half of all violent crimes go unreported or something, and normally that would be concerning and upsetting... but it set off those doom feelings. Like... "wow, this planet is fucked. I live in the Wild West. I could die at any moment" kinda shit. And that gasoline on my anxiety fire... was a text message that was waiting for me when I woke up. It was from a number I saved in my phone as "WARNING - <person's name>". It was the chick who used to be my "best friend" in highschool. The one I dreamed about the other day, when my dog was in my dream. The one who was denied custody of her 5 kids, who was homeless, who was wanted in court for fentanyl smuggling charges. And the message... was "hey <my name>?" That's it. Ugh it's giving me that sinking feeling in the chest. Ugh.

I didn't do anything. I just left it. I just fucking left it. I swiped it away. I read it later to make the notification go away, to make that red text number stop tricking me into thinking I have a conversation waiting for me. I'm not responding to it. I guarantee the only reason she's reaching out to me is because she can make me pity her. Because I'm the only one who was being even remotely nice to her, or listened to her. And I completely regret that, honestly. She traumatized the fuck out of me, in more ways than I can count. And I doubt she even realizes she did, or would really care if it were brought to her attention.

I'm gonna level here. I talk about a lot of stuff openly in here, and that's because 1). this is stream of consciousness, it's the entire fucking point. And 2). I really try to be honest with myself and work through shit as it comes up. I was trained from a very young age to repress things, bury them and never deal with them (it's a lovely family tradition) and... it fucked me up. Addressing things and being mindful, etc... it changed my life. You're waiting for it... it's coming... get ready... BUT... XD

But, I don't want to engage this. The second I remembered that the text happened, I felt like the whole room got darker. I feel like I'm being watched, I feel like someone could be standing behind me, I feel like my door is most likely unlocked right now because I went and picked up groceries earlier and someone could have come in without me hearing because I have headphones on and they could be like 10 feet behind me and I wouldn't even be aware. And right this moment, it is an absolute leap of faith that I have not looked behind me one fucking time. Because that's a combination of my deep rooted primal nervous system reaction - my panic - being set off by the text message memory... and the associated traumas... and that making me instinctually feel unsafe... and then my logical brain frantically scrambling for kneejerk reasoning for why I feel deeply unsafe right now. Guess what, logical brain. It's because that chick who texted me? The one who thinks she's my friend, despite really not giving half a shit about me at all? She has made more poor decisions than any single person I've ever met. She, as a person, embodies self-indulgence... a person who outright refuses to resist temptation, often scoffing at the thought of it. And the wake of destruction that I witnessed? The broken relationships, the sobbing heartbroken parents, the neglected kids... It's fucking gutting. It's mortifying. It just reminds me of all the things that I detest in this world, all the horrible things that people do to each other. All the preventable suffering. Especially the kids. And I just... I can't. I just emotionally cannot do it. The emotions are so fucking strong that they make my body feel like it is imminently facing death itself. I wish I was exaggerating, the panic system activated when that stuff comes up is literally the alarm system in my brain that warns me of threats to my mortality.

So... wonder why I never joined Rescue Squad? Or CPS? Or even became a therapist or substance abuse counselor? I get this kind of response just reading a text message from a person connected to that kind of stuff. There's no way I could sit down and talk to someone right after it happened, with the person who did it, in person, and not take it home with me. And I ain't got no one at home to help shoulder that burden.

God, I'm so emotional. And my goldfish ass keeps forgetting! You know what made me remember? Most recently? When I was at the vet and had to put my cat down. The vet was crying with me. The vet, who is a doctor, who has put tons of animals down... like... it's part of the job, let's not beat around the bush here... She was tearing up with me, and apologized to me for her lack of professionalism. I've had that effect on a former therapist, too. My emotions are so fucking strong that other people feel them vicariously. That's a hell of a fucking cross to bear. And I have to sit with them and manage them alone!

I wasn't going to engage with the text thought, I was going to talk about how I'm just not going to get into it tonight... but I'm actually glad I did. I feel much calmer now. I feel much safer having just... narrated that. I added that technique back in 2019, it's weird how well it works. It's like... the fear feeds off of the disorientation in the moment and just snowballs... but if you just sorta... narrate the situation from a third person perspective? Like in a video game, just pop your consciousness into a third person camera view and just narrate what the situation is? It actually helps a lot in emotional grounding, and helping a frantically flailing logical brain figure out what it's dealing with and how to react... rather than just assume shadows are beasts with fangs and react accordingly.

That tarot reading was really helpful last night. Super surreal to have The Moon come up... about like... deceit and people not being what they seem... and then I get a text from that chick like... 6 hours later. But that reading has been on my mind a lot, and I'm planning on talking about that in my therapy session tomorrow. The shit I was going over at the end of last night's journal about like... how to react to people who are being manipulative and deceitful.

Fuck it, let's do a reading. I shuffled and I'm feeling a bit stumped. The same question I had last night keeps popping into my mind, but... I'm just leaning towards... doing a cold reading and just seeing what happens. Trying to follow my instincts. The same deal, 3-card spread, Past/Present/Future. Tarot of the Abyss deck, if you feel like playing along.

First position - Past - King of Pentacles, inverted. (Someone with the Midas touch, dependable, determined, honest, an open heart, an active role in designing a life, stop thinking/start acting.) Second position - Present - III: The Empress, upright. (Progression, creation, birth, growth.) Third position - Future - Eight of Pentacles, upright. (Work, industry, learning/mastering a skill, schooling, education, apprenticeship. With passion, this is not work, it’s an opportunity to shine.)

I just copied my notes from my tarot study Google Doc I've been making and put those in the parentheses for context. The King of Pentacles and Eight of Pentacles have actually come up a lot for me, but this is my first time getting the Empress with this deck. She's a very beautiful card, I like the art a lot.

So... let's try to figure this one out. King of Pentacles, in my experience, embodies a confident, willful, successful self... and this is represented inverted... implying a disorder, a chaotic effect coming from this symbol. Negative byproducts of these actions? Taking a leap of faith in moving toward a life and having it not work out? Something like that? That thread from the Past... is connected to my current obsession with nurturing life. I mean, the only thing I have left to do tonight after this is water my plants, because I tend a fucking garden in my home now. Having the literal symbol of Mother Nature show up in my Present isn't too much of a shock. So... the inverted King of Pentacles is connected to my influx of creativity and my obsession with propagating and nurturing life right now. And both of those are connected in my potential future... to the Eight of Pentacles... which is all about labor, craft, education, stuff like that.

The Present and Future make perfect sense for me. The Past? I'm still struggling with that a bit. Inverted cards are always tricky for me, they can be read in so many different ways. The symbol could be missing... or it could be the opposite of that symbol... or it could mean the symbol is being acted upon you rather than you being the symbol. There's a lot of ways that it can be read, and I always struggle with that inner conflict of like... "how do I read this correctly?" As if there's a wrong way... But my gut keeps saying "dysfunction". Like... I was embodying the traits of King of Pentacles, but something went wrong... it didn't work... it fell apart. Which... honestly does make sense for me.

So... summing that up in a really long run-on sentence... I was very confident and honest and took a lot of big leaps of faith, as the King of Pentacles would do, and it went fuckin wrong... but that led to me here, right now, nurturing life and bathing in creativity... and if I continue this path, there can be some good fortune in pursuing craft and furthering education.

Weird that I brought up that... sustainable trail building course earlier... hmm... probably just a meaningless coincidence that I will deliberately ignore in my efforts to staunchly spit in the face of anything meaningful above my own conscious decision-making, just out of spite. <sarcastic smirk>

That was a nice message, glad I did the reading. The Empress is a nice card in this deck, very warm presence, I hope to see more of her.

Alright, that's as good a note as any to end the night on. I'm feeling much more at ease and safe. Bed time!

[medicinemane]

Just had the most absolutely dog shit experience ever in lotro

Like I've progressed passed being mad to just being tired because... I mean this is unacceptably bad design combined with a mission breaking bug, and they'll never give a shit so... who cares

Was playing with my dad, was running a new character of his through and area that had only recently come out so I needed the achievements for my max level character. Some I'm doing this mission at level 30 while I'm 140, so I run it as a 6 man instance for more xp for the character I'm helping

Everything gets vaporized up to the final boss (as it should be)

The final boss melts me, cause it turns out he gets a power that removes 10% of your health everytime you hit him (and gives him 99% resistance to all damage). That's strike one, should never be a percentage, a max level character shouldn't be able to be killed by something 110 levels below them... seriously, like I've soloed old raids, and like... that's how it should be

So the way to beat him is you have to remove 10 levels of the effect, with a power that has either a 15 or 30 second cool down for me. Then... he reapplies it to himself, so I have to take another 10 levels off. After that he doesn't matter, but he made me so pissed with how unbeatable he is for a nobody, and then it's a slog

Well, here's problem two. We were only doing this cause it's involved in a questline. I completed my quest, by because lotro constantly forgets it's an mmo, my dad didn't get to talk to the person cause they walked off

Always good in your mmo when being in a group can me you can't complete your quest because someone else in the group did it

Anyway, I say fine. We do it again, this time as a 2 man cause I'm not spending another like 10 minutes kiting him around... well this time he just sat at 1 hp forever without going into his next phase, like for literal minutes

So all and all it's just a badly designed piece of shit mission, that on top of that is a buggy shitty mess

I'm serious that it had me sitting there thinking maybe I should just quit playing lotro, just if this is how bad at making games they are at this point that they think this is acceptable to put out and don't see what they've messed up with. Like do I want to deal with that from people who will never ever listen to feedback?

Like I'm probably not gonna quit, but you know you did good when that's what's on your player's mind as they quit for the night

Whoever made this should be fired. I'm not even saying that with malice, but I'm serious. They should get a job in something that doesn't require decision making or planning. Get em a good job on an assembly line or something, but they shouldn't be doing anything where they have to think, because they're clearly very very bad at thinking anything through

(I legit wonder if they ever even really test anything these days, with like how much pets get caught on pathing issues in places like that)